#jackass fanfiction

[b4mpyre-k1zz3s]

hello! I’m a big fan of your jackass fanfics and I have a request. What if Knoxville and reader just had a baby (reader is in the jackass crew) and they bring the baby on set and surprise the boys??? Sorry if this is too long 😭😭 anyways love ya bye 😘🫶🏽

Baby on Board

Y/N and Johnny bring their son on set one day, not realizing what chaos may erupt!

Johnny Knoxville X Fem!Reader

(Fluff)

820 Words

Warnings: None! :)

An: Thank you for the request!! Your request was not too long at all and I really enjoy long requests in general! ;) Anyways, as a warning I have been around very few babies in my life besides in passing, much less responsible for one, so I hope this is all accurate to real baby behavior! As a side note I’d like to thank you all for getting me to 100 followers! This probably deserves it’s own post but I just want to say that I’m so happy so many people enjoy what I write! I would love to do some sort of special or unique fic to come rate, so please send me any and all requests! :)

“So…that’s your baby?” Steve peered curiously at the little human in Johnny’s arms. He chuckled a little, “Well, it’s more Y/ baby. She did all the work- I just made a deposit at the bank.” It was a slow day on set, so you and your husband decided to bring in your new baby to meet the guys. You didn’t really know what to expect, but you were pleasantly surprised as your son reached out a little hand to Steve and his eyes went wide. It was no mystery that he hated babies in general, on account of their propensity for being doorstops that shit and cried, but for some reason this was different. Johnny noticed his reaction and cracked a smile, “If you want, you could hold’em.”

He nodded but didn’t really seem to know what to do after Johnny handed him over, just sort of holding your baby like this precious, fragile thing in his arms. It was sweet, in a way. While he was busy marveling, a production assistant came up and tapped Johnny on the shoulder, whispering something in his ear before trying to hurriedly usher him and you away to something or other that needed to be attended to on set. Johnny quickly turned to Steve as he walked away, “Hey, we’ll be back in five! Think y’could watch him?” There really wasn’t any way he could say no. “Uh, sure, I guess…?” Of course, that was the exact moment your son pooed all over him.

Maybe he wasn’t wrong about babies being doorstops that shat. Though he still looked calm, Steve’s eyes had a trace of panic behind them as he nervously looked around for someone on set to hand your son off to while he went to the bathroom to clean the stuff dripping off of his arm. The first person he found was maybe the only worse person to give a baby to- Ryan. He handed off that drooling little bundle of joy to him in the blink of an eye as he rushed away, “Hey, dude- just hold onto this for a sec.”

He knew even less what to do with the thing, holding the baby at an arm’s length while he kicked his little legs and giggled. Ryan eyed it with suspicion, unsure of what to do next. Steve was long gone, and he didn’t know when he’d be back, so in a moment of quick thinking, he did the only rational thing- handing it off to someone else. Effectively, this baby was being passed around like a fat little babbling football.

Johnny squinted, eyeing him up and down with suspicion at the absence of your son, “Steve, where’s the kid?” He dried the water that dripped off of his recently washed hands on his camo shorts. He sighed and said like there was nothing wrong with it, “I gave him to Ry ‘cause he shat all over me.” Of all people to trust with your baby, you just had to pick Steve-O. You rubbed the space between your eyebrows in frustration, “It’s a baby. It’s gonna shit!”

And so the wild goose chase began. The two of you eventually found the man you were looking for leaning against the side of one of the makeup trailers, beer in hand. “Ryan! Where the hell’s my kid?” Johnny was getting exasperated at this point, as were you. Ryan shrugged nonchalantly, “Gave it to some production assistant lady- Y’know, the one with the hair.” You fell slack jawed and started to wonder if any of these men had been around a child before, much less responsible for one. He sipped his beer “What? It had ‘poopies’. I don’t do ‘poopies’.” Blinking in disbelief, you furrowed your brow, “Okay- okay. Do you have any idea where the woman is?” “Yeah! She’s here all the time- see her every day.” Really narrows it down. Frustrated, you turned to Johnny, “I can’t believe we trusted him with your idiot friends!- no offense, Ryan.” Ever unconcerned, he shrugged, “Hey, none taken.”

After a few panic-inducing minutes of rushing about on set and stumbling into dressing rooms people may or may not have been in (sorry, Bam), you eventually tracked down the aforementioned production assistant. It was Johnny actually who found her, tucked away in some quiet room on set with your son (who had a miraculously clean diaper)- and someone else. In all your time as a mother, you never saw a baby more captivated with anyone than he was with Chris, pawing at his long hair with tiny hands and giggling while he made silly noises to entertain him. “Pbbtt! Goo goo goo! A- pbbtt!”

Johnny cracked a smile and waved you over to look at the sight. God, it was heartwarming. Relieved, you softly awed and he wrapped an arm around you, pulling you close, “Well, I do think we’ve found our new babysitter.”

[babybammargera]

Bunny and Baby Lifeguards on duty

Party boy x fem reader (early jackass era)

You’re sitting on the floor of the van brainstorming ideas for skits with the boys and Jeff. Normally you’d get thrown into something chaotic with Ryan or maybe Ehren but apparently, fans like it when you interact with Party Boy. Jeff looks at you, “How do you feel about doing the lifeguard bit with Pontius?” You shrug and look up from your iPod, “depends on the context. “Tony Hawk just bought a house and the pool is currently empty. And we somehow convinced him to film a bit with Bam, Dave, Steveo, Ehren, and Weeman where they're skating the pool basically slamming into each other trying to skate and you two get to shoot them with paintball guns and look pretty in bikinis. You in?” You crack a smile, “Chris is prettier than me and pulls off a bikini better but I'm down, Bam and Sleepo have been pranking me a ton this week so I'm ready to get them back.”

The next day the crew arrives at the house and everyone is setting up and getting ready. You had already gotten dressed for the day, A black bikini top with the jackass logo on it and short black shorts to match. You touch up your makeup and hair in the mirror then head outside. Pontius bounces up full of energy wearing a full cheetah print bikini with matching bunny ears, “Hey if there's time could you braid my hair in two fishtail braids it's fucking hot.” You nod and sit down on one of the pool chairs Jeff had brought for the bit, “Pigtails?” He settles on the ground between your feet smiling, “You know me so well.” Despite how long his hair is you make quick work of the task and finish them just as Jeff gathers everyone up for filming, “Okay so here's the paintball guns I'll let you two figure out how you wanna introduce the bit but we've settled on Pool of Pain for the name.” he runs to his director's chair and sits down. Pontius strikes a “sexy” pose as Spike starts filming, “Hi I'm Bunny the lifeguard and I'm here with my friend and the true eye candy of jackass y/n and she's helping me on lifeguard duty today at the pool.”You look over your sunglasses at the camera and smile, “This is the Pool of Pain and trust me there's gonna be a lot of it.” You turn as the camera pans to the other boys and nail Steveo right in the leg with a brightly colored paintball. One by one they drop into the pool narrowly avoiding each other at first but then quickly beginning to collide as they try to avoid the paintballs. Ryan is the first to bail scrambling out of the pool tossing the battered-up skateboard he probably borrowed from Bam to the side, “All right I'm out!” You crack up at the sight, “Come on Ry can't take the heat?” He flips you off and lays in the grass. Soon the others follow suit one by one crawling out of the empty pool with various bruises and scrapes splattered with neon paint. Steveo gets close to the camera wiping his face with his shirt, “That fucking sucked dude.” Jeff giggling behind the monitors calls it a wrap. Adjusting your top you glance at your partner in crime for the day, “Ya know if you take away the paintballs it looked pretty fun.” Tony walks by and puts his helmet on your head, “Go skate if you want.” You make a face and set the sweaty helmet to the side before picking up Bam and Steveo's discarded boards, “care to join the party Pontus?” He grins and takes off his bunny ears, “hell yeah!”

[michelle-is-writing]

Forgotten Dinner, Johnny Knoxville

Word Count: 1.7k~

Warning: Little bit of angst, forgotten anniversary, sexual themes mentioned

The food in front of me made me sick to my stomach, seeing all of it just sit there without having been touched. A couple hours of putting it all together and setting it up seemed like a waste now as I haven’t even taken a bite of it since I put it on the table. I wanted to wait for Johnny to get home, but even though he had told me he’d be sure to be at home by 6, I still find myself alone as the clock on the stove turns from 10 to 11 pm. Today isn’t our marriage anniversary, but it is the anniversary of the day we met, so I wanted to surprise Johnny with dinner and a new lingerie set I got. It doesn’t help that he’s not answering the phone either, and I’m starting to feel like it all of this was a waste now.

Choosing to head to bed instead of wait up any longer, I put all of the food away in the fridge and lazily toss the dirty dishes in the sink before heading out of the kitchen. Just as I reach the hallway, the sound of keys in the door stop me, leaving me to turn toward the front door and watch Johnny walk in. He wears a laughing grin on his face until he sees me by the hallway, still dressed in the velvet dress I picked out for tonight. At the same time, my eyes catch the butterfly bandages stripped across his eyebrow and the several bandages wrapped around his forearm.

“Hi, baby,” he says, an almost awestruck look currently on his face as he takes in my appearance. He certainly looks pleasantly surprised. “You look… fucking fantastic, what are you all dressed up for?” Hearing his words make me smile, but I still feel a small bit of heart ache at the reminder of the food I made and how much planning I put into tonight.

“Um, nothing anymore,” I almost mutter, reaching hand up to mess with the clip in my hair as I look to the carpeted floors. “You told me you were going to be home at 6, what happened?” I can’t help but ask him, crossing my arms in front of me as I swallow down the nauseous feeling in my throat.

“Jeff asked me if I could help film another skit with the guys, so I stayed to help them and kind of hurt myself,” he tells me, still lingering by the front door as he continues looking me up and down with that same facial expression. However this changes in a few moments as an almost scared look takes over him. “I… I think I forgot something important, what did I forget? What is today?” He asks, now closing the door as he begins racking his brain. Before he gets too far, I stop him and simply inform him by reminding him of today’s date.

“It’s the day we met,” I bitterly remind him, watching the color drain from him. My stomach somehow churns even more seeing the guilt take over his face. “You told me you’d be home at six, but it’s eleven now. I made dinner, it’s in the fridge. I think I’m just going to… go take a shower and go to bed,” I say, shaking my head lightly.

Just as I begin to turn to head up to our room, Johnny stops me. “What? I just got home, don’t you want to stay up for a little?” He asks, stepping into the middle of the living room. “Baby I’m so sorry I completely forgot today, please, I’d love to spend time with you.”

In any other moment, I would’ve smiled at the sweet words leaving his lips, but knowing he forgot that today was the day we met and that we had plans makes the smile stay away. “I think I’ve stayed up long enough,” I say to him, turning my face down to the floor again. “Goodnight, Johnny.”

Before he says anymore, I head up the stairs and into our room where I close our door and let my tears fall. He stayed back for the guys on the one night we discussed him being home on time. If only he could’ve done this any other night, then the issue wouldn't be as severe. There have been many nights in the past where Johnny has stayed late on set, but even then, he texted me on those nights to tell me - unlike tonight when he wouldn’t respond to any of my texts or calls.

After locking our bedroom door, I walk into our bathroom and stand in front of the counter. Staring into the mirror, I watch as my mascara slowly rolls down my face, causing me to wipe it away with a tissue. I really liked my makeup and outfit tonight, and I was really looking forward to Johnny seeing me dressed up tonight and how he might react. Although, I was anticipating how he would react to what I have on underneath my dress more.

With a small sigh, I throw the tissue in my hand away before sliding the straps of my dress down with the rest of the material following it. Looking back into the mirror, I run my hands down my lace clad hips and up to the straps of the matching lacy bra. As I adjust the straps to better hold it’s contents, I step back to look at myself in our mirror and smile. At least I like the way I look tonight. The set came with a waist band that connects to the underwear and it only helps to accentuate my waist and hips even more. I was hoping Johnny would enjoy it too.

A loud crash beside me scares me away from the sink and over to the bathroom window that is now open as Johnny clambers through it, putting his upper body through before almost throwing his legs in behind him. At the same time he does this, his head hits the corner of our bathtub, causing a groan to leave his lips as he crumbles on the floor and I rush toward him. Despite my questions over his head, Johnny barely pays attention to his own pain as his focus shifts to my lingerie clad body. “You were wearing that? For me?” He asks, still lying in the floor unmoving as if he were awestruck. “Baby, holy shit, when did you get this set?”

“Johnny, that’s not important!” I exclaim as I get on my knees beside him to observe his head. He didn’t crack it open, but that doesn’t mean he didn’t give himself yet another concussion. “You hit your head!”

“It’s not the first time, don’t worry please,” he reminds me, moving to sit up with a small smile. “I deserve it after making you wait for me all night dressed like this,” Johnny adds, looking me up and down with a sigh. “I’m so sorry, babe, after I got hurt, we sat around and iced all of our injuries. Not to mention, I broke my phone during the fall too,” he further explains, “I’m so, so sorry I forgot about tonight.”

After a few seconds, I sigh and brush the hair away from Johnny’s forehead where a goose egg is already forming. “I wouldn’t say you deserved to hit your head, specifically,” I tell him, “You’re not good at remembering dates, I know that; mostly because of the many times you have hit your head in the past,” My comment earns a guilty smile from Johnny as he turns to look away, knowing he can’t deny it. “But I do wish you would’ve been home earlier.”

“I should’ve been, and I am so sorry, baby,” he apologizes once more, closing his eyes before turning his head back to me. “You have no idea how sorry I am. I hate that I made you wait up, I hate that I’ve made you cry,” he adds, his eyes now open as he moves a hand up to brush against my previously tear stained face. “I’ll start being home by 6 every night, I’ll bring you flowers every week, I’ll let you tase me, whatever you want - please forgive me.”

His offers make me want to giggle, but I want to try and stay as serious as I can for right now. “I have a few ideas,” I tell him, taking his hands in mine before helping him stand up. He doesn’t wobble or anything, which is good; at least he doesn’t seem to have yet another brain injury to add to the long list of previous ones. For a few moments, Johnny looks me up and down like he did when he was on the floor, albeit this time, he doesn’t look so dopey. “Why don’t you start by helping me out of this?”

At my suggestion, he grins. “Of course, but babe,” Johnny starts, letting go of my hands to wrap one arm around my waist while he grabs my leg with his other hand. All the while, I brace myself on Johnny by holding onto his shoulders as he pulls me flush against him, my leg now curled around his hip with his arm keeping it secure there. “Tonight’s all about you, and I know it’s our anniversary but you deserve so much tonight,” he further tells me, sincerity deep in his voice. “I promise, I’ll try my hardest to make it up to you.”

After a few moments, I smile at Johnny. “I’ll hold you to that,” I tell him, earning a smile back from him. “I love you, Johnny, even when your bad memory gets the best of you,” I add, causing him to laugh before connecting our lips. At the same time, he takes his arm away from my waist to pick my other leg up and hold me, causing me to cling to him even more as he begins carrying me to our shared bed. Lying me down on it, Johnny breaks our kiss and pulls away to smile down at me.

“I love you too, baby,” he murmurs, staring at me with a hazed look in his eyes. That is, until a smirk makes its way onto his face. “Now, just relax,” Johnny tells me, his hands sliding underneath the lace of my bra as he perches himself between my legs. “And I’ll show you just how sorry I am.”

[philipjohnclapp]

Heyy idk of ur requests are open

If they are, could you please do some head canons with Steve-o with a 2000s popstar reader like, kind of like Britney Spears because I fucking love her btw looooove ur writing 💗💗💗

Steve-O Dating a Popstar Reader Headcanons

A/N: I hope this is okay, I’ve mastered Steve-O to a T, Y/N? Not so much. This might work; if y’all want more feel free to request. implied female reader.

- You’re his bimbo girlfriend even if you aren’t a bimbo.

- That’s his name for you.

- He thinks your smoking hot.

- Wonders how he ended up with you.

- His friends think you’re an escort, at least at first they did.

- Now they think you’re his sugar baby.

- Listens to all your music and is very supportive; even though he’s a rocking roll man.

- Fucked around once and turned the amplifier up so loud, and got so close his ears bled.

- Was listening to your music at the time, he said your music was and I quote “so good that his ears bled.”

- Literally almost went deaf.

- He goes with you everywhere pretty much, you call him your “trophy boyfriend.”

- Definitely do all the “rockstar” like shit and get wasted.

- You constantly tell him you aren’t a rockstar.

- One time he asked you if you were friends with Tommy Lee.

- He got jealous?

- And then he threw up and passed out.

- Y’all cuddle every night.

- Especially after sex.

- Let’s you sometimes do makeup on him, he proceeded to bat his lashes and then he was kissing all the guys to mess with him.

- Somehow he contracted crabs or something from it and you made him sleep in a different room for like a month.

- He was sad.

- ALWAYS I mean ALWAYS does some sort of trick on stage before you preform.

- Hangs out in the mosh pit a LOT.

- Sometimes as a gag when you bring him on stage he acts like a fan girl and goes nuts.

- Kisses you with tongue in front of everyone.

- Especially on stage just because.

- Tried to learn the guitar so he could preform with you and he failed.

- That also made him reaally sad.

[dunnswrld]

johnny fucking you so good that you start to get tears in your eyes so johnny just keeps talking to her whilst fucking her, telling her how good she is?

i said it once and ill say it again i love my dirty anons.

nsfw/smut! fem!reader, dacryphilia, praise!

it had been such a long four weeks without johnny by your side. he had went to shoot with steve-o and chris for wildboyz in god knows where. but now that he was finally face-to-face with you again it didn’t take long for things to get rather heated. you two were all over each other before you even managed to open the front door to your guys shared home.

which is why your face was now pressed into your soft pillow on your bed as your back was arched. you could feel the firm grip of johnnys hands on your hips as he pushed your hips into his while he also drove his hips into yours.

it really showed how much johnny missed you with the way he was fucking you, rough but so loving and gentle at the same time. from him holding your hand, placing gentle kisses along your spine, or the many sweet words that fell from his lips.

“i missed you so much sweetheart, thought about you every second of every day.”

“god you feel so good- never leaving you for that long again doll, don’t think i could manage.”

“you fuck me so good sweetheart- fuck- miss ya so much.”

everything was making your head spin in pleasure, it was almost overwhelming how good johnny was able to make you feel right now.

your head was so fuzzy from the pleasure to the point where you didn’t even feel your nose begin to feel prickly and your eyes welled up with tears. you were too focused on the way johnny was slamming his hips into yours, the lewd noise of skin slapping and your own broken cries filled your ears as hot tears rolled down your cheeks and onto the soft pillow on the bed.

johnny was also too caught up in his own pleasure to realize his girlfriend was crying, the feeling of him being inside her and touching her once again was so distracting in every way possible. he was almost melting at the feeling and the pretty noises that were falling from your mouth- he wishes he could listen to them on loop for the reat of his life.

but what pulled him out of the trance you had him in was a large sniffle. he stopped his movements so fast after hearing your sniffle his hips sputtered. concern washed over him as he realized he may have been too rough with you-

“hey, hey, sweetheart are you crying? am i being too rough? im so sorry-“

but when johnny was going to finish his sentence he felt your hips begin to grind on his dick, a soft moan falling from his lips as the grip on your hips tightened.

johnny was taken aback at first, unsure of what to do since tears kept falling from your eyes onto your pillow but your hips seemed to grinded against his in such a needy manner.

“feels s-so good johnny. please keep going and don’t stop- please.”

your begging was all johnny needed to finally start slapping his hips into yours again, the same lewd-skin slapping noise filling your guys bedroom again.

johnny thought before that the sex you two were having before this moment was amazing, but now after he realizes he was making his sweet girlfriend feel so good to the point where it brought her to tears he know thought that this was the best sex he’s ever had.

as johnny watched himself slip in and out of you at a fast pace various loud groans fell from his lips.

“by the time we’re done- holy shit- you’re gonna have that pillow soaked in your tears sweetheart from how good im about to make you feel.”

[louscartridge]

Johnny knoxville talks ypu through it.

[knoxvillegender]

a lil something from a sunville wip of mine :]

This pulls a larger laugh from him. Johnny leans back and gasps for a breath before he’s settled into looking at her once more. “That’s what I like about you, Sun.” He places his arm around her shoulders, hugging her close into his side. “You don’t hesitate to put me back in my fuckin’ place.”

If only that were true. Sunny wants to tell him that, except she liked how his words made her feel too much to say anything else. The fact of the matter was that she didn’t do it for that reason on purpose. She didn’t mean to do something he found attractive, a something that made him feel enough to get her on him. Most times, it was for selfish reasons, it wasn’t for him, it was for her own comfort. Plus, it could be an accident, that was what happened most often. She wasn’t aware of what she did. Sunny liked him not far off of a fault. Johnny’s words knew how to keep her own curbed.

The beaming heat radiating off of his body is what keeps her from thinking on that much longer. Johnny running hot is something else she’s noticed about him. He’s hot and he’s got a thing for being close to her. Moth to flame. Or some other confusing analogy that Sunny half understands. The thing she thinks of to get his sweltering body off of her is to reach under his shirt and pinch his skin like she did at what seemed to be much earlier in the night. So, she does just that.

“Ow.” Johnny’s stomach instinctively moves back into itself from the pinch. His monotone doesn’t match what he said either. It’s more of a habit than having any real meaning behind it. It doesn’t have the effect she wanted. Her drunken mind didn’t think that one through. With his mouth hung open, he says, “If you keep doin’ that we’re gonna have issues, lady.”

[knoxvilleforever]

Dating Chris Pontius Headcanons

requests are open!

loves to make you blush

will go to great lengths to watch your cheeks glow red

either with compliments

‘hey pretty lady.’

or whispering the more explicit plans he has for you later

everyone on set notices when he gets you riled up

they’ll definitely tease you when they notice you blushing around chris

even more than making you blush he loves to make you laugh

and you love the sound of him laughing

something about the deep of his voice turns your brain to mush

cue more blushing

you’re the reinforcement who gets called in when he’s going after someone with his knife

ehren once used you as a human shield when he was being chased by chris

‘baby will you please put the knife down?’

‘… only because you said please.’

definitely grins at you after his response

he’s a pretty laid back guy but you’re the best at calming him when he’s mad

and he’s the best at relaxing you if you’re stressed or anxious

has a very calming energy and will make sure you talk out everything you’re feeling

knows the best way to stop your mind going 100mph is to gather you in his arms and smother you with kisses

if you’ve had a really bad day he’ll let you braid his hair

he protests sometimes but lowkey loves the feeling

you see how many crazy hairstyles you can try out before he realises what you’re doing

some of the boys once overheard a conversation about you styling his hair and completely misunderstood

‘you promised last time that you’d let me do it…’

‘there’s not many things that i wouldn’t let you do, y/n.’

they absolutely thought it was about something in the bedroom

and the next day they nominated steve o to ask chris about it

‘… dude what’d you let her do to you?’

you thought it was hilarious when chris told you

comes home dressed as party boy for your own entertainment

has also pranked you when you were unsuspecting

and you were ambushed in the grocery store

which was his favorite thing because he could make you laugh and blush at the same time

takes you on coffee dates

has had your coffee order memorised since the first date you’d ever been on

if you’re on set with him he always surprises you with a coffee

all the other guys complain because he gets coffee for you and only you

‘thanks pontius none of us wanted anything anyway.’

would never admit it to anyone else but he loves when you scratch his beard

and you love when his beard scratches you

[daisydeacks]

Insomnia

Johnny Knoxville blurb fluff

A/N I think I’m a bit screwed on the sleeping front. wrote this to cope. enjoy xoxo

You stared up at the dark ceiling, listening to your husband snore quietly next to you in the shared bed. There were silent tears streaming down the side of your face as you exhaled through your nose. You had been struggling with sleeping recently, or staying asleep once if you were blessed enough to actually doze off, and you couldn't help the feelings of envy towards the blissfully asleep man next to you. 

The tears weren’t from being sad. Maybe your body was. You were so tired. You sniffled, your nose starting to run a bit before you sighed again, finally sitting up. You looked down at the silver haired man next to you, a small smile tugging at your lips at the sight of him, any ill feelings of jealousy washing away. You leaned down, pressing a gentle kiss to the side of his head before you quietly pulled back the covers and got out of the shared bed. You shuffled in the dark towards the door, grimacing a bit as the hinges creaked, glancing back at your husband. Johnny was still snoring quietly, unaware of your actions. You breathed a sigh of relief, now exiting the room. 

You found yourself in the dark living room, looking out the glass back door at the backyard, studying the garden lights you had recently added to the lawn. You wiped your cheeks, silent tears still falling. Why did the human body do that? Spill involuntary tears when exhausted. You figured you could probably look up the answer but that would mean going back to your shared bedroom to grab your phone, possibly disturbing your husband. 

You decided against that. You sat on the sofa with another sigh, sinking into the colder feeling fabric with a shiver, your exposed skin from under your shorts raising in goosebumps. You let yourself fall onto your side, shoulder digging into the cushion, your legs coming up tucking themselves on the other end. Your arms were somewhat crossed at your chest and you closed your eyes, suddenly feeling drowsy for the first time in what felt like hours. You were starting to actually doze off when you felt warm fingers brush your ankle, causing you to jump a bit, eyes snapping open. 

“Shit, sorry, sweetheart.” Johnny’s voice was soft, his hand now resting on your calf. “I didn't mean to scare ya.” You could hear a smile in his voice despite the late hour. 

“Did I wake you? I'm sorry.” You sighed, turning onto your back. You could see Johnny’s figure well enough to see the man shake his head at your question. He walked closer to your head and you leaned up, letting him sit on the cushion that had been your impromptu pillow. You let yourself relax again with a quiet sigh, Johnny’s lap a lot more comfortable than your previous position. 

“No,” He started to run his fingers through your hair, causing your eyes to fall shut, “I turned over and didn't feel you. Figured you probably were out here again.” 

You hummed quietly in response, quite enjoying the feeling of him playing with your hair. “I couldn’t sleep again. Was just..staring at the ceiling.” 

“Have you called the doctor? Or maybe we need a new mattress.” Johnny continued his actions as he tried to think of cures for your sleeping issues. “Nothing wrong with medication if you need to..” 

You were silent as Johnny spoke and were starting to doze off, face tilted towards your husband’s torso. He smiled when he heard your breath started to even out, your face becoming a bit slack moments later. He could feel you sink deeper against him and into the couch. 

“..Damn.” He grimaced, realizing he was stuck there for a while before sighing, still continuing to play with your hair as soft snores started to leave you. 

[dolphindive85]

Jackass fanfiction- 'We Need a Girl'

Jackass fanfiction I've been working on, about a girl joining the Jackass cast! Eventual Johnny Knoxville/ Original character :)

Agreeing to do something incredibly stupid because a handsome guy had smiled at her and made her feel all woozy inside did seem exactly like something she should be resolving to avoid. But here she was, skateboard in hand, helmet on head. Some gear, zero idea. With what she hoped was a valiant attempt at confidence, she approached the drop in. It had a steep downhill, followed by a loop that would either deposit her into the lake, or onto a hastily placed foam mat. She considered there was also probably a third option- the ground, and winced.

This had started, like all the worst ideas, with a night in a bar. Hannah had been singing at a poorly attended open mic which, after 11pm, became a very well attended LA drinking session. 

“Are you sure about this dude?” called Steveo’s voice from below, snapping her out of her revery.

“Sure she's sure! Look at her. She’s wearing kneepads!” replied Pontius cheerily, with a wave. Hannah wished that she felt that at ease, and took a deep breath. “Yep I’m… I’m up here!” she said, and then mental cursed herself- “I’m up here”, what the fuck? That was not as breezy as she had planned. 

Hannah knew Steveo- they’d met at some parties, and he’d told her he’d be there with some friends. Feeling despondent after another seemingly pointless acoustic set to no one, Hannah had convinced some friends to come down and drink, promising them her most fun friend, Steveo, would be there too. 

Steveo had arrived with an energy that was frenetic even for him, essentially bouncing off the walls, throwing himself at bouncers, dudes, barstools, basically anything that he could attempt to knock over or piss off. His friends watched and laughed, occasionally joining in but mostly drinking beers and turning round every now and then to laugh at their friend’s antics. 

For Hannah, this was the perfect distraction, as she had predicted. As she steadily drank more, she let Steveo pull her into his mayhem. Playfully shoving him and bouncing off him around the bar, slamming into walls, and the floor, with increasing force, laughing manically. Intent on creating their own makeshift moshpit to the DJ’s mellow pop tunes, she pushed off Steveo and abruptly crashed into a tall man, her arm flinging out and knocking his beer sideways out of his hands. 

“Woah there doll, careful!” he said, steadying her on her feet as she laughed, out of breath. She felt his hand gently touch her back, catching her from falling. She felt shy suddenly, and held up her hands with a smile to apologise. She couldn’t get a sense straight away of if he was game to join her and Steveo’s mischief, or wanted nothing to do with it. He cocked his head and smiled “Is our friend Steveo playing too rough with you ma’am? We need to have a word with him about his manners?” he asked conspiratorially. Hannah giggled, pleasantly surprised. “No I like it” she laughed, tucking her hair behind her ears. Just then, Steveo swooped in, as if to prove her point, lifted her into the air, and aimed her at the sofa tucked into the wall of the bar. Hannah hit the sofa gasping to gulp air and crying with laughter, and bounced straight back to shove into the growing wall of bodies that Steveo had enlisted in his half mosh, half vengeful-recently-shoved-dude pit. 

At the top of the ramp, Hannah groaned slightly as she rolled her shoulders, still sore from the night before. This will be fun, she repeated to herself in her head. It will be fun and I will show them I’m not too pussy to do it. They know I can’t actually do it, that’s not the point. It will be fun.

She’d explained in the bar that she couldn’t skate well “Just some cruising and messing around, really.” she’d said to a nodding Chris Pontius. He looked, she’d thought, like if a greek nymph was a boy, or maybe like the boy version of a Sexy Baby. She’d emerged sweaty and exhilarated from the pushing, laughing appreciatively as Steveo swung from a light fitting, and found herself ordering a drink with Steveo’s friends. The tall man she’d bumped into earlier was there, and she let her eyes flick to him every now and then, taking in his broad shoulders and handsome face. “You skate?” cut in a younger boy with dark hair and a striped shirt. “You ever been on TV?” he asked her, smirking a little. “What?” Hannah replied, a little too disorientated in the loud room to understand what he was getting at. “Bam!” one of the guys shouted “you offering TV spots to girls as a way of flirting is lame man! It’s done!”

“I’m not!!” he said defensively, and turned to get the attention of the tall man who was sipping his beer. “Knoxville, I’m telling you, we need a girl. We should have a chick in there, it’ll be funny. And it could be hot! And she can introduce segments and shit, make it seem less fucking gay man.” Fifth drink in hand, Hannah was struggling a to keep up with this, and she screwed up her face a little at the end. “I actually think you should make it more gay, whatever it is.” she said, sipping from her straw and beginning to lose interest. Her eyes flickered, looking for where the fun had got to, and wondering how to get back to it.

“Now that I agree with.” It was the tall man she’d bumped into- what had his friend called him? Knoxville? She looked up at him, still drinking from her straw, and smiled. “Oh yeah?” she said, unable to keep her grin from growing, and thinking vaguely about if she should be covering her admittedly goofy smile. “So you don't want a girl in it huh?” she paused “what actually is it, anyway? Your gay thing you’re doing?” He laughed. It was a big, silly laugh. A little high and almost a whoop. She really, really liked it. 

“We’re making a show, sweetheart. It’s real dumb. Stunts mostly. Guys falling off stuff, guys getting hit in the balls, all that stuff.”

“Oh cool, I like that. I like dumb stuff. I’d like to see it.” She smiled. Their eyes met and she felt her heart flutter. She tucked her hair behind her ears with one hand and looked down at her drink. 

“You should come tomorrow,” Bam cut in, “you got a board?”

She looked at him, unsure. “I am not good. I’m not being modest, I’m actually not good. I just do it for fun and to be silly. I won’t be able to do tricks and stuff.”

“That’s fine, I’ve seen you literally throw yourself across this bar all night. I think you can do what we need.”

“What, fall on my ass?”

“Yeah” he grinned “pretty much.”

Hannah looked back at the tall guy who made her feel so nervous and girly. He was considering her, a thoughtful look on his face.

“Fuck it,” he said. “Come tomorrow sweetheart, we’re meeting down at the beachfront at noon. You don’t have to do nothing but no reason you shouldn’t come see us bein’ idiots.” 

Maybe it was very regressive of her but she liked it a lot that he called her sweetheart. She’d always been a sucker for nicknames and terms of endearment. She had the distant concern that the weak knee-d sensation this guy gave her was going to lead to some very stupid choices and very simpering behaviour, and gave her head a small shake to try and snap out of it.

“OK! Yeah OK I’ll come. I can do stupid stuff, or just watch it happen, if not.” 

And then she’d drank more and danced more and altogether had the silly night she’d hoped for. She’d let the forest nymph guy, Chris, hold her upside down and try to drink a shot. Dancing with her friends, she’d caught eyes again with Knoxville- ‘Johnny’ he’d said his name was, and waved, her stomach flipping a little when he grinned and winked. She’d blearily asked Steveo about the next day, and if it was a good idea, and he’d responded with a characteristic “Yeah dude! Look they probably just want a hot chick on set but come down man! It’ll be gnarly!” 

When she woke up at 11am the next day with a scrawled note of the address in her pocket, she’d text Steveo to confirm it was real, swallowed her nerves and doubts, and headed out. Catching her reflection on the way she heard an echo of Steveo suggesting they wanted a ‘hot chick’ and suspected they would be disappointed when she arrived with armpit hair, a sports bra, and several very green bruises on her exposed elbows and knees.

When she arrived, the stunt was set up. A man in a chicken suit was attempting it, and made it look, she suspected, a lot easier than it was. She watched as Bam took to the ramp, and hit the ground pretty hard. It looked rough. 

“Are you OK dude?” she asked him, as he took off his skate pads.

“I’m fine,” he answered, “but when are you getting up there? Don’t be a pussy!”

Rankled by the comment, and then annoyed that it was so easy to wind her up, Hannah looked at the crew, who didn’t look convinced. 

“Do you guys want me to do it?” she asked doubtfully. Hannah was a lot of things, but primarily she was someone who didn’t take being called a pussy lightly. 

Jeff, the director, looked thoughtful. “I don’t know.” he said. “I do see what Bam’s saying guys, it could diversify the appeal if we have a girl in it… but you said you can’t really skate, right?

“I don’t think it’ll appeal to a diverse audience to see a girl get smoked” Johnny cut in. “No offence ma’am and it’s a pleasure to have you, but none of us want to see a young lady hurt herself.” He smiled graciously and Hannah felt that fuzzy feeling inside, alongside a twinge of outrage- get smoked?! She might not be a pro, but she could drop in on a ramp, thanks very much.

“Nah dude, I think it’ll be really funny” said Steveo. “You saw last night man, she’s bouncy! It’ll be fine. I think you should totally do it dude. And I think you should wear a bikini and say God bless America man that’s what people wanna see!” he finished enthusiastically. Several of the guys were nodding, clearly convinced by his pitch.

“I say let her try it,” said Pontius seriously. “I think the optics of Bunny the lifeguard saving her would play well on camera.”

The group turned to look at Jeff and Johnny. It was clear to Hannah that ultimately these guys were the decision makers. She hesitated, then spoke: “I mean there’s no pressure for it to go in the show you’re making or whatever, but I kind of want to try it. I mean it looks crazy but I think it’ll be funny. And I like swimming I think it’d be fun to end up in the lake.”

And that was how Hannah found herself at the top of the ramp, holding the board she cruised around LA on.

With a shudder, and a shrug designed to convey to herself that ultimately, it is what is  and que sera, she dropped in.

Everything afterwards happened very fast. It was very difficult to keep any sense of where her body actually was in space or time, and in a blur she was flung from the top of the ramp. Hannah felt her feet abandon the board, and abruptly felt the impact of the ground. 

It was quiet, and a strangled “aaag,” was all she managed to produce. 

Lying on the ground, she opened her eyes and looked up into the concerned face of Johnny Knoxville. Thinking hard about his hazel eyes and the warmth coming from his shirtless torso, and not so much about anything else, she heard herself ask “Did I do it?” with a hopefulness that suggested she was more glass half full than she had previously realised. 

“Did she do it!” she heard laughter as Dave repeated her question. “She’s lying three feet away from the jump asking ‘did I do it?’” He looked around to share his laughter but someone else replied “Dude that might be bad did she hit her head hard? Where was the mat man?”

“Well we had it but she landed so far away from the actual ramp it was no fucking good!” 

Potentially that was a no, then. 

She looked up again, into Johnny’s face as he crouched over her.

“You feeling OK sweetheart?” he asked softly.

“Yeah. Yeah I think so. I’m not sure what happened exactly?”

“What happened exactly,” Bam cut in, “is you went fucking flying man. You fucking leaped off that thing.” He sniggered. 

Ignoring him, Johnny didn’t look away from Hannah, and spoke gently  as he explained.

“Yeah you took a bit of a tumble, basically flipped in the air. It was pretty impressive really. But does it hurt? Can you wriggle your fingers and toes for me?” 

Jeff arrived as Hannah tentatively gave her digits a wiggle, and winced as she started to sit up. “Oh hey no don’t sit up!” called out Jeff, who’d appeared from behind the camera. “We gotta check you over man. Great footage. Looked so great. You flew like a rag doll. But potentially only funny if you're not scrambled now.” Jeff signalled for the medic to approach, and promptly Johnny was firmly moved aside by a business like doctor who shone a light in Hannah’s eyes and asked her if her head hurt.

Gingerly, she stood up. Looking at where she fell, and back at the ramp, she frowned. “I might try that again, actually, I think this time-“

“No fucking way dude” Steveo cut across her. “You’re lucky you’re not totally screwed, honestly. You must, like, fall well cause from where I stood it looked like you were gonna snap all your bones.”

Hannah processed this. “Oh. So it didn’t look very cool? Did it look bad? I think it would be good to maybe try again, do it a bit better.” Her frown deepened “Jeff? Jeff Can I try again? I can do it I think. Like, better at least, I think I could aim for the mat.” Jeff looked at Johnny. He looked torn. “I don't know, Jeff I don't know if it’s funny girls getting hurt. That was good, but if you break something I don’t think that reads so funny…” he spoke quietly, more serious than usual. Jeff considered this. “You’re OK?” he aimed his question partly at Hannah, and partly at the still hovering medic. “Yeah I’m cool I’m fine. I maybe have a bruise-“

“You definitely have a bruise, you also are lucky you didn't break anything” interjected the medic.

Jeff nodded. “You can go one more time. Make it funny- it’s funny, it makes it.”

As she turned, Hannah felt a hand softly take hold of her arm. “Hey,” said Johnny “just… just really really aim for mat this time.” Hannah nodded, feeling a little stupid, and a little excited. But then wasn’t that the point of this whole thing?

Back at the top, she drew in a deep breath, shut her eyes, and dropped in. 

“Don’t close your FUCKING EYES!” she heard screamed below as she once again flew down the ramp, her stomach dropping a thousand helms deep. 

“NOW NOW NOW!” shouted the team at the base, and Hannah hit the mat at the bottom, her arms splaying. Vaguely, she heard the wheels continue to spin, and somehow had the wherewithal to roll out of the way just as board crashed down to join her on the mat, narrowly avoiding it cracking onto her ribs. On the floor again, panting with relief, she looked up at the blue sky feeling completely high on adrenaline and stupidity. What a feeling, she thought. Her sky view was blocked as a concerned face one again loomed over her. It was Johnny, who had a strange expression on his face. “Hannah? You OK? You feeling OK? We got you.” He spoke urgently, hands hovering, but not touching her. “I’m good, I’m good” she wheezed, propping herself up and feeling a grin take over her face. She suddenly felt completely invincible. She had a vague feeling that maybe that feeling came right before death, but she was too loopy with excitement to care. “WOOOOOOO!” she hollered, tipping her head to the sky. Turning her face to the camera that had followed her to the floor, she beamed and shouted “That was so fucking awesome man!” before lying back down, laughing. 

Looking like he’d finally decided he was allowed to smile, Johnny’s face also broke into a grin, and he laughed with her, throwing his head back and hooting. “Fuck yeah guys! The ramp might break you, or it might just make you!” He thrust out a hand to pull her up, and she took it, staggering a little as she got to her feet. “That looked pretty hilarious I gotta say. Did you have a plan up there?”

“Erm, not really. I guess I really wanted to land on the mat” Hannah replied earnestly. 

“That’s the Jackass spirit right there,” he grinned. “Close your eyes and hope you hit something soft.” He looked round, laughing, and swung his arm around Hannah as he led her over to where the other guys sat laughing on the floor. He leant in, unclipping her helmet, and briefly Hannah felt his warm breath on her face, and how his large hands brushed her face as they reached for the buckle. She drew a sharp breathe, and broke the spell. Johnny seemed to remember himself, and moved back quickly. “There you go ma’am.” He said, ushering her to sit down. Hannah sat down next to a guffawing Steveo and Dave, her stomach flipping with an adrenaline that had nothing to do with skateboarding. 

[b4mpyre-k1zz3s]

Hey! Could I request a fic with Bam where the reader is a female skater?

Maggot’s Kiss

Being apart of Tony Hawk’s skate team sounded like a dream to Y/N- that is, until she met Bam, and an innocent thing turns into something darker.

Bam Margera X Fem!Reader

(Fluff, Angst)

2.6k Words

Warnings: Enemies to lovers, jealousy, crude language, very suggestive content, bullying, hate makeouts, nudity, fake dating, flirting, accidental vouyerisim, injury, blood

An: Thank you so much for your request and happy new year!! I decided to combine my love of darker fics and slow burn to create this for your reading pleasure ;) I just love writing banter like what Bam and Y/N have in this fic hehe XD This fic was also inspired by this amazing fic (one of my favorite Jackass fics on this website) by @asskickedbygirl, so please go check her out!! According to one of my beta readers this is one of the steamiest things I have ever written, and that was just based off of the first three paragraphs, so do with that what you will! Anyways, thank you for sending in requests and please keep sending more!! I love to read them and I enjoy writing them even more :)

You hated him. His edgy, crazy, rich boy schtick made you almost embarrassed to be touring with him and the rest of Tony’s team, knowing that no matter what, the spotlight was always on him. It was never Team Adio or Team Element- it was Bam and Company. Every time you saw pre-teens fighting tooth and nail over who got his autograph first or when chicks threw themselves at his feet for a chance to be graced by the presence of his less than average dick (you see a lot being on the same tour bus for two months), you gagged a little. You were seemingly the only person in America that didn’t fall for Bam Margera’s bullshit. Maybe hate was an understatement.

It was the evening before some exhibition you were supposed to do in the parking lot of a mall that you were pondering all of this, seething quietly in the tiny tour bus bunk bed you were trying to get some shut eye in. Trying being the key word, seeing as you weren't very successful at it. Sighing, you wriggled out of your middle row bunk, carefully stepping down and stretching, the claustrophobic sleeping conditions doing nothing for your already not great posture. There was a row of leather seats in the back of the bus you and the guys would usually sit around and play cards in or watch TV when you were on the road that you made your way back to, feeling around in the pitch darkness as a strange chill struck you. The only thing you could see was the glowing, orange tip of a cigarette as you sat down, knowing exactly who it was.

“Close the damn window. S’freezing.” Mumbling, you crossed your legs, tucking your feet into the backs of your knees to warm yourself up. He chuckled, taking another drawl on his cigarette, the embers glowing intensely for a moment before he exhaled, “Might wanna think ‘bout wearin’ a bra ‘round here.” You could practically feel Bam’s eyes on you through the darkness. “I had no idea y’were so fascinated by my tits, Margera.” His last name came out of your mouth like it pained you to say it, acrid on your tongue. Scoffing, you cooed with faux sweetness, sliding closer to him and whispering in his ear, “I-I mean, if you really wanted, y’could give ‘em a feel…” Two can play at that game. Bam found your jab funny, laughing bitterly as he playfully shoved you away, “Oh, no way in hell am I touchin’ you.”

So after a few minutes of small talk, you went back to bed, and so did he, but that exchange didn’t leave your mind. There wasn't an atom in your body that wanted to be felt up by Bam of all people, but you were still pissed that he wrote you off that fast. You saw the girls he took to the bathroom of the tour bus every night and they had nothing on you. Then there was the matter of why he was staring at your tits in the first place. Was he checking you out? Something hot bubbled in your stomach that you were sure was hate at the thought of that. God, it was too late to be thinking like this, you thought, pushing it from your mind and burrowing deeper into your sheets as you tried to get some sleep.

You felt like shit the next day, but the show must go on, three hours of sleep or not. Thankfully, the bus stopped at a Love’s truck stop on the way there- you would be surviving on a gas station coffee and a prayer. Everyone filtered out of the bus, buying snacks and toiletries or whatever they needed. That left you, lingering by the trucker showers with Mike Valley. You split a bag of Hostess Donettes while he waited for his turn, discussing some fight he got into at the bar last night. Smiling, you licked the powdered sugar off of your fingers and joked about it being the breakfast of champions. He laughed, but just as you looked back up from the now empty bag, your eye caught something.

Perfect fucking timing. The door to the men’s swung open at just the right moment for you to see Bam in all his naked glory, thankfully only from behind. It wasn’t rare for you to see him shirtless, especially when you were skating together in the heat of touring season, but you only just now realized how muscular his back was. His tan skin had contours like a bronze sculpture, shitty black fleur de lis tattoos winding down his sides as he toweled away the last glistening remnants of his shower. Before your eyes reached his ass you tore your gaze away, gagging in mock disgust, crumpling up the empty bag and throwing it in the trash.

There was this weird look in Bam’s eye as he handed off the shower key to Tim, taking his place next to you on the beige wall as he pulled his shirt over his head, “You got a little something there.” He gestured to the side of your face and you licked off the remaining powered sugar, cracking a smile as you mumbled, “Oh, fuck off.” Bam held his hands up in mock surrender as you could hear the shower turn on in the other room, the only noise in the otherwise silent hallway, “Hey, no need t’get all defensive! I mean,“ You could feel his long, half-wet hair dangle on your forehead as he leaned in closer, his voice teasing as he reached down to do up his belt, “especially with how you were pervin’ on me in the showers. I’d say you owe me an apology.”

You turned to him, glaring at his stupid grinning face under the fluorescent lights, “First of all, it was an accident. Second of all, I can barely stand the sight of your naked ass without hurling!” He just snickered at your joke that wasn’t even all that untrue as you rolled your eyes to keep them from lingering on the heartagram splayed out on his lower stomach, “And pull your damn pants up. Hope you bust your ass out there today.” Bam shrugged, walking down the skinny hallway, “Sure. Don’t break a nail out there, sweetheart.” That just left you, watching him leave.

The next time you saw pretty boy was under the signing tent, a respite from the blazing sun and asphalt. Your seat just had to be next to Bam, all sweaty and glistening from skating yet somehow not looking as gross as some of the other guys did. MTV star magic, you guessed. You were wondering why the hell you needed to do skate exhibitions in the ass crack of summer when some nerdy looking teen girl handed you a board to sign. Sure, you weren't Tony or Bam, who each had a line of their own nearly twice the size of the rest of the team’s, but you were generally pretty popular. The girl with the glasses was all smiles, leaning in close to you like she was going to ask you something secret, “Hey, I read somewhere that you and Bam, uh- that you had a thing together. Is that really true?”

Bam, who was sitting next to you and well within earshot, scoffed, leaning over with a sneer as you scrawled silver sharpie onto the board, “I’d rather tongue a maggot than Y/N.” You scoffed as you popped the cap back on the pen, “Yeah, the only maggot here’s that thing in your pants.” It was then, as you turned back to the fan who was awkwardly standing there, watching your little lover’s quarrel go down, that you got an idea. A malicious grin spread across your lips as you handed the signed board back to her, “But if you were wondering, I am dating Tim O’Connor. Thanks for being a fan!”

God, if you could see Bam’s face. As much as it pained you to not look over at him, you didn’t, knowing it would be impossible to keep a straight face seeing him all slack jawed. The best part of it was you weren’t dating him- well, not yet, but you didn’t even need to for what you had in mind. Hell, knowing Tim, he’d be game for fucking with Bam any day of the week, even if it mean having to hug and kiss and pretend flirt from time to time. This was the ultimate way to get back at Bam for fucking with you for so long, you thought- your ace in the hole.

You told Tim your plan and he was more than eager to get in on it. You would come up with ideas on the fly whenever you knew Bam was watching, whether it was having you wear one of his shirts on the bus or you giggling when he messed up your hair while you stopped for food on the road, or even the night you shared a bunk- one of your favorites, especially with how pissy Bam looked as he angrily slid the curtain closed on his bed when he saw the two of you. Basically anything you would see in a cheesy romance movie, you did.

But if you thought Bam was a childish asshole before, you had no idea how much worse he could get. No matter where you were, he always seemed to have his eyes on you, glaring under heavy lids across the room. Even though he was still performing well, off the ramps he was this little ball of rage, quietly observing with raised hackles. Gone were the pranks with the team and the playful banter between the two of you. Bam was a tyrant before and even more so now, only a little quieter. He avoided you like the plague, so the only form of communication between the two of you was the sporadic spitting of insults at one another just short of an argument- he’d say something about your appearance, you’d jab at some trick he messed up, and then he’d tell you to fuck off.

His behavior became so uncharacteristic that, at one point, Tony, who was often the only voice of reason, tried to take him to an urgent care because he was obviously sick. Yeah, maybe that’d be a good idea, you thought, a medical professional would probably know how to get that stick out of his ass. No, not in the slightest did you care that you hurt Bammy Boy’s precious little feelings. He was a jerk to everybody, you thought, so he deserved it. It was only after a few weeks of this charade that you started to wonder why the hell he was being such a baby about all this. Bam just seemed to radiate jealousy, especially towards Tim, but there was no way that was the case. It sounded like something straight out of third grade- that boys are mean to girls they like. But, knowing Bam, you couldn’t write that off immediately.

All this tension kept building for a while until it reached a fever pitch. The team had an off day so you all decided to stop by a skate park late in the day to kick back and chill for a few hours before you needed to get back on the road again. The chance to bust out a few tricks without the judging eyes of thousands was a breath of fresh air and everyone was all excited as they filtered out of the bus onto the concrete- that is, everyone except Bam. The little prince of darkness shot you a scowl before he ran off to the bowl with the rest of the guys while you ran off on your own. You were on the mini ramp, enjoying some rare alone time while doing a few simple tricks and thinking about how you could probably run to the Wendy’s across the street to get dinner- one of those baked potatoes would really hit the spot. It was in the midst of that thoughtful silence when you were poised on the coping in a nose stall that the clatter of a board slamming against the ground behind you hit your ears.

You were startled and, turning towards the sound, you felt the ground slip out from under you as you shifted your weight ever so slightly. The world seemed to freeze for a moment as you plummeted to the ground, landing square on the lip with a blunt packing noise, busting your cheek open. The air was knocked out of your lungs as a choked gasp escaped you, reaching up to grasp the raw skin pounded flat against your throbbing cheek bone. Your vision was a blur of orange from the setting sun as you wrenched your eyes open, tilting your head up towards the source of the shadow that looked over you.

“Nice spill.” Struggling to your feet, Bam didn’t even offer to help you, just standing there with his hands in his pockets, watching. Something red hit the concrete when you spit, rubbing off some of the hot liquid from your cheek as your gaze met his, “The fuck’s your problem?” Coughing, your voice was rough, words punctuated by heavy breath as you continued, “You’ve been all pissy for weeks, man. What’s goin’ on?” There was an edge to his voice but he still sounded calm as he reached into his pocket for his pack of Marlboro Lights, still not making eye contact, “Maybe I don’t like seein’ you and Tim eatin’ each others faces- ever thought about that?”

Snatching the cigarette from his fingers, his fingernails painted in that stupid black nail polish he always wore, you growled, “Is that it? Really?” You got all in his angry little face, close enough you could smell the shitty cologne he wore to impress chicks that always made you gag. MTV fuckin pretty boy, always looking his best. Your voice dropped low, murmuring close to his skin, “Maybe you’re just jealous’a him. That he gets to have me and you don’t.” Bam finally met your gaze, staring at you with newfound intensity as the lines between teasing and flirting blurred. He spoke through gritted teeth as he glared down at you bitterly, “Oh yeah? Yeah? You think I can’t fuckin’ have you?” You said nothing, defiant.

Time stood still, but in a second, he was on you. Bam’s hands seized you, tugging you impossibly close to him as his calloused palms traveled up and down your body possessively. It was like something snapped inside of him that was holding him back. You could feel the muscles under his clothes flex as your breath hitched, one of his hands tangling in your hair and pulling you closer. Bam kissed like a starved man, his tongue moving against yours in a lecherous mess of teeth and spit and a little blood on your part. The air swam with a mix of rage and lust as you pulled away from each other after what felt like an hour, catching your breath. Your eyelids fluttered as a weak smile spread across your kiss-sore lips. Whispering under your breath, you leaned your forehead against his, “Holy shit…”

Glancing down at the cigarette still in your hands, you slipped it between your teeth, looking back at him, “Gotta light?”

[babybammargera]

Let’s Party

party boy x fem reader

You had been at the mall all day and now you’re standing with your arms full of shopping bags outside of the small coffee shop your best friend had just run inside to order. You check your phone and look up after hearing the sound of music followed by a young guy's voice saying “Let’s party!” Your eyes are met with some guy in a shiny speedo dancing on some poor older man and can’t help but giggle as the man backs up and then runs away. He continues doing this to people passing by and you notice someone nearby with a camera snickering as he films. After a while, he scoops up what you assume he had on over the speedo pulling on the pants first and stumbling a bit. As he pulls on his shirt he notices you watching and smiles making his way towards you. Out of breath he scratches his head and introduces himself, “Uh hey I’m Chris. I’m assuming you saw that whole thing.” You giggle at the fact that you witnessing whatever he was doing made him blush. “I definitely did, I might have enjoyed the show. I’m y/n by the way.” You shift the bags and hold your hand in the space between the two of you and he takes it. “For you, I’d give you a show anytime… if you asked that is.” He chuckles and it makes you smile even more. For someone who’s fine with dancing in almost the nude in public, his demeanor had changed in your presence. Out of the corner of your eye, you spot mall security looking around the area, “I think you may have been caught.” He follows your gaze and notices the short man in a uniform walking closer. “As much as I love a man in a uniform I don’t wanna deal with that. Before I run could I maybe get your number?” You smile and pull a pen out of your purse quickly scribbling down your number with a heart and the phrase let’s party. He smiles letting out another goofy laugh and runs away grabbing the cameraman dragging him along. Just then your friend comes back holding two coffees, “Who was that weirdo?” You bite your lip holding back a smile, “he’s definitely weird but damn he’s cute. And he has a nice ass.” She rolls her eyes and hands you your drink, “Whatever you say.”

[michelle-is-writing]

Bathtub, Johnny Knoxville

Word Count: 1.1k~

Over the years, I’ve learned that Jackass comes with a lot of laughs as well as sore muscles and achy bones. Now, I don’t have to experience anything like this, thankfully, as Johnny has essentially banned me from ever doing the crazy stunts with the guys. He’s made it clear to me that he doesn’t want me to get hurt, but that’s coming from the same man who has done the infamous cup test more than once. Even when I somehow manage to get caught in the crossfire of their ridiculous yet hilarious stunts, he’s still very protective and takes care of me.

Of course, I do the same for him when he gets hurt; granted, his injuries are more severe than my occasional small skin grazes. Still, whatever he thinks will make him feel better, I do. Tonight, he suggested maybe a hot bath would help with his tender back. The guys had engaged in a paintball war for one of their stunts in their new movie, and Johnny managed to avoid every paintball in front of him. On the other hand, his back is littered with purple circles with pink and red splotches surrounding those bruises as well as cuts from the harsh impact of the many paintballs. As soon as he showed me his back after finishing the skit, I knew just how bad his back was going to bruise after a while.

With warm water surrounding us, Johnny lies back against me in the tub as he lets relaxation take over him. It’s so calm in here you could almost fall asleep, but it’s never a good idea to do that in the tub. Johnny does that enough behind the wheel, which is something I absolutely hate, but at the same time, it’s also an excuse for me to join him up front and spend time with him.

“Babygirl, thank you for this,” he tells me, releasing a sigh afterward as he nuzzles his head further into my chest, getting his hair wet in the process. He doesn’t care about this, of course, as he’s now comfortable, and with the way he’s closing his eyes, he is definitely going to fall asleep.

“Nuh-uh, Johnny, don’t fall asleep,” I tell him, guiding my hand through his damp raven locks. This action gets his attention, but he doesn’t open his eyes. “You can’t go to sleep in the tub, I won’t be able to get your ass out.”

He laughs at this, his eyes crinkling together before opening them to reveal his beautiful brown eyes to me, shining up at me with nothing but adoration. “I love you so much, honey,” he murmurs, his tone showing how heartfelt he’s being right now. These are the moments I crave, the moments where we’re joking one moment, and the next, we’re declaring our love for each other.

However, just before I get to respond to Johnny's words, a loud bang sounds throughout the bathroom as the door swings open, revealing Johnny’s friends as they laugh crazily. Immediately, I slide down further in the tub with my hands covering my chest as Johnny pushes his back against me with his arms covering my sides. He’s always protective over me, no matter what, even if that means revealing himself entirely at the same time.

“May I ask what the fuck you guys are doing here?!” Johnny exclaims while Bam and Dunn try to catch their breaths.

“Dude, we didn’t think (Y/n) was in here with you,” Bam admits to us, making me roll my eyes. Would it have been so hard for them to check beforehand? Then again, this is Bam and Dunn we’re talking about; they share a single brain cell as it is.

“Well, if you don’t mind, I’d like to get back to enjoying a bath with my wife,” Johnny says, his voice being blunt with each word. “So if you could all leave now…”

“Got room for one more?” Pontius’ infamous voice makes its way into the bathroom, making me reach my breaking point. With a groan, I grab the nearest shampoo bottle before throwing it at the boys, hitting Bam in the head before it bounces and hits Dunn. They all laugh at us, shortly leaving afterward while Johnny faces me and shakes his head. Not to mention the loud bang we heard was Dunn kicking the door in, meaning the hinge is now broken. So, as the guys left the doorway after realizing they couldn’t close the door, they all muttered a small “sorry” while failing to fight off their laughter.

“I’m sorry about them,” Johnny murmurs to me, closing his eyes as he shakes his head. I don’t know why he’s apologizing; these are our friends after all, but then again, Johnny is very protective of me. “I don’t know why the hell they’re like that, and I don’t know how the hell they got in, but baby, please-“

Before Johnny can say anymore, I gently grip his chin and tilt his head back to me so I can connect our lips. The action silences Johnny immediately as he kisses me back, ignoring the sounds of his friends still messing with each other in our home. Although, once he parts from me, he looks over at the bathroom door and groans, his previous moment of calmness now replaced by frustration.

“They knocked the damn door off its hinges,” he points the obvious out, making me sigh with him. The door wasn’t even locked since this is mine and Johnny’s house; we’ve never had to lock the doors. Again, because Bam and Dunn share a brain cell, they didn’t think of that beforehand.

“I’ll make them fix it,” I assure Johnny, leaning down to kiss his cheek. “But why don’t we go ahead and get out before they destroy the house? The water is getting kind of cold.”

Johnny lets out a short laugh at my suggestion before ultimately snuggling into me like before. “Just a few more minutes,” he murmurs, his eyes now closed as a tired sigh leaves his nose.

Knowing there’s no winning in this situation, I give in to Johnny and find myself relaxing back against the tub like before when the bathroom door could still close all the way. No wonder Johnny was stressed when he came home. Then again, I would be too if I came home to escape the incessant jokes and pranks at work, only for it to follow me here too.

[philipjohnclapp]

Great! Anyway I can request a Bam Margera x Female!Reader smutty imagine? Maybe Bam ends up meeting Johnny’s younger sister and they end up in a relationship at some point. While in said relationship maybe another cast member ends up flirting with her at a party to piss of Bam on purpose and it ends up leading to some protective Bam and jealous sex?

Sex Pollution

Jackass Imagine

A/N: To those who said I can’t write, get a load of this! Haha!

Imagine you’re Johnny Knoxville's sister, probably younger sister. You’re southern, with a real heavy drawl, and look almost identical to him. Maybe not, but you can definitely see resemblances. You grew up close, surely not a girly girl, you get your hands dirty with no questions asked. You’ve spent the start of your brother's career watching, like a bird. Never really met any of the guys, you didn’t really care. Steve-O was too wild, and you weren’t a fan of heavy drugs, Pontius was too flirty, and oddly, Preston and Wee-Man had their own duo, Dunn? Well, he seemed nice, but he didn’t have the best hygiene, and that was enough on its own to be a deal breaker. Who else were you missing?? Never mind…

You never really were looking for a relationship, really, or even a casual friendship. But things happen all the time; and when Jackass came to town, and your mother let these guys stay a few nights, your plans flipped upside down. You were left confused, flustered, and you felt like a teenage girl all over again. With some kid crush on a guy with such a cute face. Handsome like a guy should be, but he was pretty. Not pretty enough you’d mistake him for a girl, though. Just pretty enough for you to gawk at, to sneak around with when all the guys and your family are asleep. Getting drinks, and sneaking pecks on the lips. Before you knew it you were in your own secret relationship with a guy by the name; Bam Margera. It rolled off the tip of your tongue; and you liked it that way.

And then you moved on to Hollywood, the land of the stars. It was quick, sudden really. It wasn’t permanent, no, you were staying with your brother by day, and sneaking off into hotels by night. Because this whole Bam thing was getting serious. And then you found out party’s exist, and that opened a world of fun. Especially when you found out one of the guys was throwing a rager; and it may or may not be that oh so annoying guy you met months prior. Fucking Steve-O, but you couldn’t care less as you went hand and hand with your boyfriend. Having the time of your life.

Until you weren’t, well, you still were, with a few drinks down the hatch. The only one who was growing increasingly more disturbed, upset, was Bam. Some random guy, probably as high as anyone else was chatting you up a storm, and starting to get real handsy. He wasn’t completely random as you knew that face from the set, but with the alcohol in your system you just couldn’t tell who it was. You were polite, didn’t really wanna make a scene, so you used the excuse you needed to get another drink, smiled with your southern charm in full spring, and headed straight to the kitchen.

The minute you stepped away from the cast member and Bam was taking your place, you could see from the corner of your eye. He was threatening the guy. And it was almost funny to you. Almost. Because the moment you were in the kitchen, Bam was coming up behind you. Wrapping his arms around you and mumbling into your ear, his voice sounded so harsh for a whisper. Almost as rough as sandpaper,

“Fuck were you doing with that scum?”

He growled, like a feral dog. His embrace tightened as he pressed himself up against you. In the kitchen. You were stunned, letting out a breath of air that you felt like you hung onto almost too long as you stayed still, your brain short circuiting as you tried to come up with an answer. You swore you had one, but it popped like a bubble. Your head was as empty as the sky tonight. And Bam didn’t seem to care as he started talking again. His rough nails clawing your sides as he ran his hands up and down them like a cat scratching his owner's couch.

“It doesn’t matter, you know you’re all mine.”

You did. Well, if you didn’t before you certainly know now. His boner pressing against your asscrack was certainly showing it. And fuck, did you like being his. And Bam was gonna make sure you knew it.

He shoved you against the floating island, brushing all the cans, and needles, and lord knows what else off the counter as you bent over for him. Bam ripped your pants down so fast you could’ve sworn he ruined your jeans. Fuck. You couldn’t even be bothered to care as you arched your back for him. He ripped his own pants off with record speed, and would have broken the world record for that one as he slipped his boxers down completely.

Bam was as hard as a gun, and you couldn’t even be bothered with all the party goers so close. The chances of someone walking in and or seeing this was close to a hundred, fuck it probably was going to happen. You didn’t care, luckily Johnny wasn’t here. He’d skin Bam like a pig.

It seemed that Bam didn’t care either, he didn’t have any decency either as he just shoved himself inside of you, and you moaned instantly. Your walls clenching onto him as you squealed with pleasure. Jerking your hips forward instinctively as he started immediately with rough, quick thrusts. You could’ve gotten whiplash he was being so rough, all you could think was fuck as he dug his nails into your side, his other hand gripping hard into your hair, pulling your head back as he warned you,

“You’re mine…fuck…baby, you’re all mine.”

He grunted, letting out his own quiet moan as he quickened his pace. His thrusts getting all messy and desperate, the smell of sex polluting the kitchen and probably spoiling the alcohol as you both neared your climax. His grip on your hair tightened so much you thought he’d rip your hair out, and then he pushed himself deep inside of you, and you saw white as he came inside of you, and you came onto him, moaning as the pleasure swallowed you like a tornado. Fuck, you’ve never been so glad to be his.

[dunnswrld]

Johnny talking really dirty during sex and it makes the reader blush (but she's super into it) and Johnny absolutely loves the fact she blushes?

i may have had too much fun with this. also sorry if this is like cringey my “dirty talk” isnt that good HAHA

NSFW/SMUT, dom!johnny, fem!reader, oral (fem receiving), PRAISE, dirty talk

“johnny- fuck- m’so close.”

is all you could babble as your boyfriends head was in between your thighs. his arms wrapped around your thighs to make sure you wouldn’t close them on him for being over-sensitive.

your hands tugged at his hair as you let out a string of broken moans. johnny groaned loudly from the noises that fell from your mouth as they went straight to the tent in his pants.

johnny’s tongue lapped your clit trying to help you ride out your high on his tongue. your legs gently shaking around his grapse as he kept moving his tongue. it wasn’t until your moans turned into light pants did he stop.

he pulled away from the spot between your legs and sat up on his knees. johnny wiped the mixture of spit and cum off with his thumb and then he looked down at you and saw the single greatest thing he had ever seen in his life.

you were laying on your back, your hair messy, your cheeks a bright red, your lips slightly parted, and doe eyes looking up at him as your chest rose and fell. the only thing covering your upper body being his own shirt you barrowed for the night.

“you’re the prettiest girl ive ever seen. so glad i get to make you feel good. now open wide for me sweetheart.”

johnny said as he gently pushed his thumb into your mouth. his bottom lip sucking between his teeth as he watched you gently suck his spit and your own cum off his thumb.

“there ya go, atta girl.”

a light groan escaping his lips as he took his thumb out of your mouth, a strand of silva that was connected from his thumb to your bottom lip snapping when he moved his finger far enough.

“flip over f’me sweetheart.”

you wasted no time listening to johnny, flipping over onto your stomach. a weird sensation running through your body as you realized you couldn’t see johnny anymore.

you felt johnnys large hands pull up your hips and run a hand down your back, your back arching with his touch.

your cheeks were flushed a bright shade of red as you tried to hide them in johnny’s soft pillow case with your back arching, your ass in the air practically on display for johnny. you were embarrassed to be seen in such a lewd position by someone, even your boyfriend.

but as for johnny, god he loved every second of it. he loved seeing your cheeks flush red from being so flustered by the things he would do. even though you would get so embarrassed by some of the things you did or said you always had that doe eyed look as you looked at johnny. that look that always seemed to pull him in deeper.

and those eyes along with you being- well- his girlfriend who was the hottest girl on earth to him, all he wanted was for you to know how hot you were to him, how much you really meant to him.

“love when you pose like this for me sweetheart, makes me so hard for ya.”

if it was even possible you felt your face get hotter until you felt the tip of johnny’s cock run up and down your folds. it was almost as if electricity shot through your body in that moment.

“already gettin’ worked up darlin’? i’ve barely even started.”

is what johnny babbled as he slid into you, you dug your face deeper into johnny’s pillow as a wave a pleasure washed over you. you were still sensitive from just a bit ago when johnny was using his magic touch with his tongue but that only made the pleasure more intense.

johnny began rocking his hips into yours at a slow steady pace. but this was enough to not only to make you want more but johnny to want more.

johnny began to move his hips at a faster pace, lewd sounds of skin slapping filled your room along with moans and groans. johnny had his hands on your hips, pulling you back into each of his thrusts to try and go as deep as he could.

johnny was practically running off his sex drive right now, which could explain why he was enjoying every second of the moment going on right now. he also wanted you to know how much he was really enjoying this.

“god you’re takin’ me so well- shit- feels so good sweetheart.”

“fuck you make me feel so good. i wanna make ya feel good too sweetheart, please let me.”

“you’re the best i’ve ever had.”

“ya like that? say it with your words. tell me how much you like it sweetheart.”

your cheeks were flushed a deep shade of red, how could johnny say such things and not be red in the cheeks? but you can’t say you weren’t enjoying it though, it made your stomach do flips hearing all the lewd things johnny had to say.

“john-johnny?”

“yeah sweetheart?”

“could- could you keep talking like that?”

“mm you like when i talk dirty darlin’? you like hearin’ how much i like fucking you? god gonna treat ya well, real well.”

[clouded-dreams2]

hi!!! i luv ur work and was wondering if you could do a johnny knoxville x fem reader with prompt #11 tyyy:3333✨✨✨✨

a/n: Thank you so much!! I'm sorry for the delay on this. This is a lot shorter than I intended. I made this gender neutral but open to interpretation, though I do hope it’s satisfactory.

Warnings: Fluff, Mentions of a bar

Paring: Johnny Knoxville x Fem!Reader

“Johnny?” You whispered not getting a response from him, it was almost 2 am. You and your boyfriend had gotten back from the bar roughly 3 hours ago. You were partying with the rest of the cast. The minute you got back to the house Knoxville wanted to head to bed and cuddle. He had been snoring for the last ten minutes, as he had his arms wrapped around you. You wouldn’t admit it to Knoxville but at times when he would snore it had you on guard, the first time you heard him snore was when he was knocked out from the Butterbean boxing match. 

“Baby? Are you awake or asleep?” You earned a hum from him. Johnny brought his fingers to trace over the drunk tattoo you got with his name on a dare before you both started dating. He was drunk, you were drunk, and you both were flirtatious. It’s barely legible, and in hindsight not as terrible of an idea as you thought when you woke with a killer hangover the morning after. 

“Asleep.” He mumbled out softly in a deeper voice. You turn over to face him, kissing his cheek.

“Baby?” You wanted to let him sleep but you also wanted him up with you to keep you company. Instead of answering he kissed the side of your neck letting it linger, then again. 

“Why are you up so late?” He asked his head buried into your neck adding innocent kisses to the skin. You hummed and tried to move as he went over a sensitive spot, but he kept you held in his arms. He kissed over it again to see and feel your reaction once again. 

“Did you get any sleep?” You knew he slept horribly and when he did manage to sleep, he was a heavy sleeper. He nodded, tracing your collarbone lightly. Attaching his lips to the skin he was tracing. 

“Did you?” He broke the current kiss he placed next to your upper arm. His hazel eyes met your (e/c), it was dark, but he knew you looked beautiful like always. 

“I didn’t.” You finally spoke up. 

“You want me to stay up with you, Beautiful?” His tone was tender. He would be up with you for the rest of the night, even if you said no. You nodded to him, and he smiled. He enjoyed being the one you decide to share your company with.