#jamie tartt/pain & suffering

[greymantledlady]

i couldn’t stop thinking about this post i made earlier about Jamie and his ‘dad’s’ mannerisms so i giffed it for comparison 💔 it’s so hard to watch but i love how happy and bouncy he is in the second one with roy compared to how beaten and afraid he looks in the first ❤

[fanficfanattic]

Writing a eulogy for Jamie to give in a fic. And am hurting my own heart. 😭

[jamietarttsnorthernattitude]

For the @ficwip word of the week: dizzy

James knelt as Denbo and Bug moved off him, but Jamie couldn’t bring himself to run. All his fight had shattered with his hand, leaving him dizzy with pain. He was stupid to think he could fight back at Wembley and it wouldn’t end with Jamie alone and suffering. 

“You put your hands on me again,” James said, lifting Jamie’s head by his hair and forcing him to look at his father. “And I’ll break your other hand too.”

Shoving Jamie’s head roughly back onto the floor, Jamie listened as the snickers and footsteps of the trio walked back out of Jamie’s door into the London night—no need to stay. James Tartt did what he came to do; he reminded his son who was in charge, and it was never going to be Jamie. 

[tarttheart]

PRECIOUS LOVE: CHAPTER 9 - JAMIE TARTT x YOU

summary: you receive an offer of help.

word count: 660 words

warnings: language

-

chapter 9: its teaching me

You: Jamie knows.

Keeley: I’ll be there in half an hour.

Rebecca: See you both soon.

You: I’ll leave the door unlocked.

For the first time in months, there were no tears. You had no tears left to shed about this entire saga. Was it a good thing? Was this progress? You were not sure but Keeley and Rebecca had wrapped you up and cuddled you to bits anyway.

“I should apologise first for ghosting the both of you the last couple of months,” you piped up and the two shrugged it off.

“Babes, you were dealing with a lot and sometimes we sort our shit out with people and sometimes we don’t. We knew you’d come around eventually.”

“What she said,” Rebecca said, raising a glass.

“Thanks, I appreciate it,” you replied graciously, peeping out from under your quilt.

“So, out with it then, how’d it all go? You wouldn’t have us here if you didn’t want to tell us.”

You groaned, hiding under your covers again.

“It was awful. Michael started at my workplace a few months ago and we hit it off. He convinced me to go on a blind date with his boyfriend’s teammate and when he said teammate, I thought he meant like an office team. Like the marketing team, you know? Not a fucking premier league team,” you ranted from under your covers.

“Right, Colin’s Michael is your colleague.”

“Yea, Colin. I don’t know. Michael doesn’t follow football so I assumed he wouldn’t be involved with someone whose entire livelihood depends on football. And then, Jamie of all the fucking people on the team has to show up.”

“Babes, you ever considered why that might be? Maybe you guys are better suited for each other than you think,” Keeley asked gently as she stroked your arm.

“It’s not that I don’t like Jamie. Wouldn’t have slept with him if I didn’t. I just…” you sighed, fiddling with your quilt, “I just can’t see us being together now.”

Rebecca huffed, pausing for a moment before she started, “darling, we love you, you know that. So, it really fucking hurts to watch you punish yourself for something you had no control over. I know what you went through was fucking hard and it must hurt like a son of a bitch. I’m not going to diminish your pain and I admire your strength to even get to this point but you have been suffering for a long, long time. Maybe it’s time to let the wound heal? It might leave a scar but scars are beautiful. It shows everyone how strong you are and it makes you you.”

“Yeh, I’ve got one from when I stepped on a sea urchin during a photoshoot.”

You and Rebecca laughed at Keeley’s input and Keeley smiled, “fina-fucking-lly, a smile.”

You heaved a long sigh, “I need help, don’t I?”

“Well, I was thinking about this. Why don’t you see Dr Sharon? She’s the club psychologist,” Rebecca held up her hand when she saw you about to interrupt, “let me finish. She can see you online so you won’t have to go anywhere near Nelson Road if you don’t want to. And, if you don’t feel comfortable with her, I’m sure she will be able to find someone who you can talk to.”

“I appreciate the offer, Rebecca, but I don’t work for the club or do anything related to the club.”

“Well, in a way, it’s related to Jamie and he’s at the club, so as boss, I’ll allow it.”

“I—I…”

“Think about it. You don’t have to say anything right away. When you’re ready, the offer is there if you’d like it.”

“Thanks Rebecca.”

You held out her arms and Rebecca moved from her seat in the corner of the room to give you a squeeze, you and Keeley shuffling to give her room to join you two on the bed. Your bed and heart have never felt this full.

-

< chapter 8 | master list | chapter 10 >

[sortofanobsession]

The Boot Room Thoughts of Roy Kent

SPOILERS FOR 3X11 MOM CITY

A/N posting on mobile so sorry about the format and lack of editing, but I had thoughts on Roy's side of the boot room scene in this episode. I'm sure may others have too, but this is mine.

Again SPOILERS

Roy listens to Jamie. He really listens to him, because fuck, Roy had never seen Jamie like this. He really had been worried Jamie was dying because what the fuck was happening? Jamie was usually a ball of energy and had to constantly be in motion, but this felt different. Sure Roy hugged him while he cried after the shit with his old man after Man City. But this? Fuck. But Roy is hit with a thought that is worse than any hit he has taken on or off the pitch. Roy needs Jamie to be okay, and not just for the team, but because he wants Jamie Tartt to be happy. He doesn't like this upset and emotional version of Jamie because it makes something inside Roy twist that he hasn't felt in quite sometime. Roy was scared shitless that someone he cared for was in pain. As he watches Jamie frantic and flailing about in the boot room, that's all he can think about. Jamie is suffering and Roy isn't sure how to help him. So Roy listens.

He hears Jamie say he's tired. That he can't sleep. That he can't eat. And that is concerning, because this is the prick that used to go out of his way to fuck with Roy. Call him granddad. Cheers to his death. But that felt like a lifetime ago as he stands there watching Jamie now.

When Jamie's hands go to Roy's face, Roy doesn't even flinch. And that is something, because not long ago he would have shoved him away. He would have been gruff. Toss and insult and Jamie would toss one back. But he is just so used to having Jamie Tartt in his space after all the training. After all the growth Jamie has done. That they have done. Since Amsterdam, since, well becoming friends. Maybe Phoebe had a point at Uncle's day. They were close now. He can't pinpoint the moment everything changed. Or he can. That moment he agreed to train Jamie. The moment he realizes Jamie stopped fighting him and genuinely trusted. Now Jamie has his hands on Roy's face and Roy's eyes flit to his lips and back. He does it again as Jamie does the same thing. And fuck. Fuck! What the fuck?! And Roy will have to think about that later because right now Jamie is being vulnerable and open. Roy can't take advantage that. Can't take advantage of Jamie's pain. So when Jamie's face is in Roy's shoulder and his arms around him. Well Roy knows the one thing that usually seems to help Jamie. And yes, Roy curses, but he hugs Jamie back. Because he can't handle emotions and shit, but he can do this. He can hug Jamie. He had done it before on and off the pitch. If this is what Jamie needs, then Jamie can have it.

And Roy finds he doesn't care when Will comes in and sees them, because if this helps Jamie, then fuck everything else. He does tell Will he missed a good one, because he knows Will loves the drama. But he just stays there with Jamie as long as they can before having to head out.

[richmonds-disaster-bi]

Love your take on ideas and thought I could share: During season 1, AU where they are both single and Keeley's just a friend, when Roy and Jaime totally despise each other, when they get into that appalling fight in the locker room where they touch foreheads, a soul bond forms between them because they were made for each other. A mark appears over their hearts or backs and it's like oh fuck, the person I hate most is my soulmate. They can't deny it because if they don't consummate the bond between them, their brains will turn to mush. They go to Roy's or Jaime's, both of them mad as hell and still arguing while they feel sicker and sicker the longer they go without accepting the bond. I just picture that once they get to the house, they get into this awful screaming match about how they've been hurting each other every since they met. It leaves them both in tears before they finally come together and save each other from certain death. They pull through, and being soul bonded is just what they need to be better people. Roy gets reinvigorated because Jaime loves him, and Jaime decides to be a better person and teammate because Roy loves and encourages him to be so. It prevents Rebecca from sending Jaime back to Manchester. The whole trajectory of the series changes and goes whichever way you would like it to.

Oooo this is interesting

Soul bonds forming between people that have strong emotions for each other, whether the people realise their feelings or not. A bond can be formed through any touch when emotions are heightened enough, and it has to be sealed with a kiss. Most soul bonded couples have no issue with this. They're best friends already or already dating when their bonds form so it's easy for them to seal the bond, but not Jamie and Roy

Neither of them would ever admit that they have an attraction, a pull, towards the other. They'e footballers, they hate each other, they're straight. So they turn those confusing feelings they don't understand and are scared to accept into anger and hate. They push each other, they bite at each other and they just live to anger the other and then one day it comes to head in the locker room. Jamie is being a prick, he's spouting non-sense, maybe picking on people to try get Roy's attention, and Roy knows it but bites anyway. When their arguing gets physical, the team try to seperate them but Roy manages to go for a headbut and when they hit heads, both of them just freeze. They feel a snap between them and then someone is gasping because "No. No fuckin way, Kent and Tartt are soul bonded??"

Roy and Jamie refuse to accept it, refuse to talk about it. They both seperate and rush off despite the team telling them it's dangerous, because it is. People can get ill when seperated during the formation of a soul bond. Roy feels it first. He wakes up the next day in pain but he grits his teeth, ignores the patch of colour on his forhead and the way it matches the color of Jamie's eyes, and then laughs because maybe Jamie has a brown stain on his forhead (he does). When he gets to training, Roy grits his teeth and ignores the fact that Jamie is so pale he looks close to fainting until both of them have to sit out within thirty minutes and Keeley is suddenly there because "Ted told me to mke sure you two sort your shit out and don't kill each other"

She drops them to Roy's, and Roy grumbles but accepts it. They both promise to sort it but they don't. They can't, Jamie tries to talk but Roy shuts it down and pretends the two of them aren't suffering until Jamie literally climbs on him and starts yelling at him which makes Roy yell back until one of them goes "because I fucking want to kiss you since I saw you and don't know what to do about it", which brings about a silence before they start laughing, crying slightly because "we're fuckin idiots" "yeah but we're each other's idiot apparently" and they share a soft, sweet kiss before lying down togeher and talking about everything

[thetarttfuldickhead]

Re: Wembley, the way I always saw it was that Jamie knew he’d get reamed out no matter what, but that if he told his dad no in that moment, deferred the confrontation until later and effectively stood up to/humiliated his dad by refusing him, things would be much worse for him later on. Also, he might’ve hoped that with an audience, his dad wouldn’t physically harm him, unlike in private where he almost certainly would.

Yeah, trying to avoid his dad does not seemed to have worked out for Jamie in the past – the texting earlier in the episode certainly (and what we’ve heard from Jamie before) certainly suggests that Tartt Sr. is nothing if not persistent, and he does not like being ignored. So there may well have been elemants of defaitism to it; this happening no matter what, better get it over with and not make it worse.

I do remain agnostic about to what degree the abuse Jamie suffers is physical. It’s absolutely part of it – the thrown shoe, the head shove – and James Tartt is indisputably a violent man who’s prepared to really, really hurt Coach Beard, but I personally get the sense that what he subjects Jamie to more often verbal and/or psychological than physical; yelling and belittling with some shoving and too hard arm punches played off like jokes if they’re ever commented on, rather than actually beating Jamie up with the intent of ‘causing any lasting harm. That’s still abuse and a fucking awful thing to do to anyone, especially your child, and it’s caused Jamie a great deal of pain, but I don’t tend to see him as being fearful that his dad is actually going to injure him. The text leaves this wide open for all sorts of interpretations, though, so this is really just my preferred reading, not something I think of as The Only and Ultimate Truth. (And I can’t say that I won’t change my stance on this in the future: I’m all about various possibilities me, and might change my headcanon from moment to moment as it suits me.)

Very delighted to hear from you! Discussing this sort of things are at least half of why I’m in fadom to start with, so thank you for that! <3

For reference: recieved in response to something I wondered about in this ask.

[ao3feed-tedlasso]

Every day is the same until it isn’t

by the_scarlet_01

Based on the prompt: Roy/Jaime: Time loop where either is S2 when Roy's refusing to coach Jaime or S3 Roy and Jaime get into an appalling fight and are snide to each other all day until it ends with Jaime dying, Roy passing out, and waking up to it being the same day. Everything repeats with Jaime dying in multiple, often ridiculous ways with Roy desperately trying to keep him alive. The loop only breaks once Roy is honest with himself and his feelings for the little prick who's stolen his heart.

 Content warnings: Death, grief, insanity, pain, suicide, mugging, stabbing, car accidents, head trauma, head injury, more death, suffering, angst, cheating, cussing/swearing/cursing, institutionalization, mental health, hospitals, crying, violence (Roy punches a wall)

Words: 4741, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Fandoms: Ted Lasso (TV)

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death

Categories: M/M

Characters: Roy Kent, Jamie Tartt, Ted Lasso

Relationships: Roy Kent/Jamie Tartt

Additional Tags: this one gets a bit dark, Temporary Character Death, Grief/Mourning, Insanity, Pain, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Mugging, Stabbing, Cheating, Angst with a Happy Ending, institutionalization, Clay | Dream Has Mental Health Issues (Video Blogging RPF), Hospitals, Crying, Violence, Head Injury, Swearing, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat

source https://archiveofourown.org/works/47544535

[starksnstripes]

Ted, I lied to you... I hired you because I wanted this team to lose. I wanted you to fail, and I sabotaged you every chance I’ve had. It was me who hired that photographer to take the picture of you and Keeley. I set up the interview with Trent Crimm, hoping that he would humiliate you, and I instigated the transfer of Jamie Tartt, even though you’d asked me not to. This club is all that Rupert has ever cared about, and I wanted to destroy it, to cause him as much pain and suffering as he’s caused me. And I didn’t care who I used, or who I hurt-- all you good people just trying to make a difference. Ted, I’m so sorry... I forgive you. What? Why? Divorce is hard-- it doesn’t matter if you’re the one leaving, or if you’re the one who got left. Makes folks do crazy things. Hell, I’m coaching soccer, for heaven’s sake! In London! I mean, that’s nuts... but this job you gave me has changed my life. It gave me the distance I needed to see what was really going on... Yeah, but you and me? 

                                                                                          We’re okay.

Ted Lasso | 1.09 - “All Apologies”

[hacash]

ted lasso thoughts 2x08

hey, remember when everyone was worried that Ted Lasso Season 2 had too much fluff and not enough conflict? huh? everyone remember that?

everyone remember when we watched this because it was light and hopeful enough to get us through lockdown?

remember last episode when we thought all the dark forest would be about nate’s downward spiral and thought nothing else heavy could happen?

hell, remember when we first saw jamie tartt and thought there was no way we could sympathise with him as a character?

I’m not going to lie, the dark forest is dark and it is scary, but even in the midst of the trees there’s flickers of light. jamie’s entire storyline in this ep was building scene by scene - we could feel the tension growing, from that first screenshot of his phone saying “Dad” (not Dad, “Dad”, I mean fuck this show) right up to the moment when Tartt Senior bursts into the changing room. If Phil Dunster doesn’t get an Emmy nomination next year he will have been absolutely robbed - and then to put the icing on the cake, having Roy be the one to step up and hold him through the pain. I mean, damn.

A little underrated scene was Jamie and Higgins chatting: there’s no way in hell Jamie would have taken the time to so much as pass Higgins a word one season ago, let alone ask if he wanted the door to his closet-office closed. I particularly appreciated Higgins’ chat about his own father - it wasn’t straight-up ‘screw your dad if he’s a bad dad’, but neither was it a ‘you should always be there for your family no matter what’ message that children of abusive parents often get from well-meaning but ignorant bystanders, once again showing that Higgins picks up on more than not. Personally I’m waiting for Jamie to be invited around to the Higginses for Sunday lunch.

The shock on the entire Richmond team’s face through that scene. Oh man.

I never thought they’d have the audacity to kill off Sharon before the credits but whoa that still had me yelling at my screen while the theme song was still playing. I love how we’re seeing more of her as a character, not just a therapist. (And hearing her voicemails to Ted were something else.)

Ted. Oh Ted. I think a lot of us knew it was coming but still, that line hit more heavily than anything else in the episode. The bluntness of it coming out of nowhere - the fact that Ted is unsure whether or not that was what gave him his issues - the fact that we’re still scratching the surface... *weeps in football*

The Diamond Dogs exchanging vulnerabilities was such a precious moment. I’ve seen some say that they thought Nate’s expression was one of disgust at Ted’s revelation, and some that they thought it was relief at not being the only one struggling with mental health issues. For myself, I read it as shock - Nate’s always seen Ted on a pedestal, and the idea that your idol can suffer from the same weaknesses as you...well, that’s always a heavy moment. (Whatever it was, I’m sure it’ll come back to bite us in time.)

SAM ‘N REBECCA. It’s a testament to the two actors that even though everything in me feels iffy and odd and that this ain’t a good thing, their chemistry and acting is so good that you end up thinking ‘oh man, I wish this was workable for them’. Rebecca knows it’s not going to work, but comes up against Sam’s irrepressible youthful charm and hope, and after everything she’s been through...suddenly it’s so easy to understand why she’s sailing so close to the wind. But it’s almost definite that this ain’t gonna work out, and all we can do is hope like hell it ends as well as possible.

Seriously, look me in eye and tell me that if Toheeb Jimoh came up to you looking like he did all through that episode and asked to have dinner that you’d say no. I dare you.

Is Roy’s sister the doctor from the ER???? I really hope she is.

Roy taking on board everything he learned about being a good role model for Phoebe and comforting Jamie is just...just... *flails*

There wasn’t much to laugh at in this episode but my boy Colin never lets me down. That dumbbell scene had me cackling. Seriously, someone protect him. (I particularly loved the fact that we have Overprotective Boyfriend Isaac lambasting him for letting Colin nearly choke to death and then thirty seconds later does the exact same thing.)

THE HAIRCUTTING SCENE. There are no words other than cinematic masterpiece. I remember thinking at the beginning of this season that I wanted more for Isaac to do and to see him coming into his own as Captain and holy hell did I get my wish. Watching all the boys hoot and applaud and gush over Isaac’s effortless mastery of the clippers was the purest form of ‘boys will be boys’ I have ever seen or will ever see. (Until the next Richmond Himbos scene, ofc.)

And as a nice touch, watching Will take part and be included (holding the clippers’ tray ‘like a squire to a knight’) was lovely, particularly given the last episode.

The football match itself - it says a lot that this wasn’t even the focus, only as a tool to make our hearts break even more for Richmond FC - was hard to watch, particularly because it really felt like we were meant to feel like they just weren’t playing well? and I don’t quite understand why - I’ve already written about how Nate kinda had a point in this episode, that Roy and Ted dashing off for emergencies without telling anyone what they were is weird under any circumstance (let alone before such an important match) and possibly is a sign that while the team themselves are stronger than ever, everything is not quite well with the coaches of Richmond.

(seriously: ‘Sharon’s in the hospital and I’m going to make sure she’s ok’ ‘My niece has an emergency at school.’ Would that have been so hard? From a show that prioritises communication?)

And I really didn’t understand that little moment of Beard letting Nate - a junior coach, before a really important match - lead training. That, coupled with Beard being focused on as struggling to take the result, really intrigues me. It could be nothing, but so often this show drops little nuggets leading up to a big reveal, and the fact that the next episode looks to be Beard centric has me very interested, and more than a little anxious. As I am leading up to every episode of Ted Lasso these days, I suppose.

[earlyspringtranscendence]

discord jamie thoughts (transcript under cut)

george: god do yall watch its always sunny in philadelphia im not going to seriously make a comparison here because it is by no means the same but hold on [screenshot of dennis from iasip saying ‘okay, and i have feelings! of course i have feelings! i have big feelings okay?! an- and it hurts!] this is what i was waiting for. all my life lead up to this moment in jamie tartt's life and we're getting so close the sorta difference between roy "deep down ur still a prick" and jamie (as dennis) realising that he does have feelings and he's actually neither heartless nor a prick hes just in pain and football life is so empty. its so EMPTY. it's so easy to just disappear into yourself & into your life & have other people fill in the gaps and just . my god. jamie tartt

george (in response to a previous message which reads ‘No but the way he’s standing there. the palpable Shame in this scene TED WYA ???): also i wanna return to this because that's what's so good about this scene too is that it combines literally everything it's doing with public humiliation like the pattern of abuse that's so clearly set up through this scene is so tangible & its so easy to see how this would have ended if roy hadn't hugged & acknowledged him, bc i dont think anyone else was going to do it, certainly not in that moment i think all of them might have like taken a moment to speak to him in private afterwards but it would simply not be enough to break the spell of what james tartt had just done to jamie & obviously jamie has done nothing wrong in this situation but it doesnt Feel that way for him so then he feels the need to up the macho and be a prick and hide

avocet (in response to the ‘i also wanna return to’ message): literally i kept waiting to see if someone was gonna go hug him and like ... the very real fear they were all just gonna leave jamie stranded there oh my gd that scene makes me feel seventy five different emotions

george: right like the absolute holding-your-breath to see if someone would stand up. didnt someone like sit down even more like tried to become invisible jfc. my god.

avocet: LITERALLY .

george: it is the first time jamie has ever been honest with them and they recoil. hence why he is an asshole please refer back to my prior email about the roy kent his hero who doesn't live up to it of it all

bonus:

id: screenshot of wise-panda (av) saying perceiver of truth and shini saying sufferer of visions

[aion-rsa]

How Ted Lasso Sneakily Crafted its Empire Strikes Back Season

https://ift.tt/eA8V8J

This article contains Ted Lasso spoilers through season 2 episode 8.

Perhaps you’ve heard, but Apple TV+ series Ted Lasso was the subject of some dreaded Discourse recently. 

Since the Internet is infinite and we privileged few in the media have nothing but time, a handful of features came out weeks ago essentially questioning what Ted Lasso season 2 was even all about. Many of these features were well-written, well-argued, and fair, but when filtered through Twitter’s anti-nuance machine (i.e. Twitter itself), every feature boiled down to the same reductive take: Ted Lasso season 2 doesn’t have a conflict. 

In some respects, this take was the inevitable reaction to the metanarrative surrounding Ted Lasso in the first place. Despite drawing its inspiration from a series of somewhat cynical NBC Sports Premier League commercials, the first season of Ted Lasso was all about the transformative power of kindness. 

Or at least that’s what we critics declared it to be. And I don’t blame us. Awash in a flood of screeners about antiheroes, dystopias, and the end of the world, the simple kindness of Ted Lasso seemed revolutionary. They made a TV show about a guy who is…nice? They can do that? But the inherent goodness of its lead character was always Ted Lasso’s elevator pitch, not its thesis. 

There’s been a darkness at the center of Ted Lasso since its very first moment, when an American man got on a flight to London in a doomed attempt to save his marriage. And, as season 2’s brilliant eighth episode rolls around, it’s become clear that that darkness is what the show has really been “about” this whole time. 

Season 2 episode 8 “Man City” (the title is referring to AFC Richmond’s FA Cup match against opponent Manchester City but also stealthily reveals that this installment will be all about men and their respective traumas) is quite simply the best episode of Ted Lasso yet. It also might be the best episode of television this year. Near the episode’s end, right before AFC Richmond plays a crucial FA Cup match against the mighty Manchester City, coach Ted Lasso (Jason Sudeikis) finally comes clean with his coaching staff. He’s been suffering from panic attacks of late. His assistant coaches hear him, accept him, and then head off to the pitch where Man City absolutely obliterates their team.

Man City destroys AFC Richmond. They annihilate them. Embarrass them. Stuff them into a locker and steal their lunch money. The final score is 4-0 but it might as well be 400-0. The coaching staff is rattled but the players are hit even harder. Richmond’s star striker and former Man City player Jamie Tartt (Phil Dunster) is forced to endure watching his scumbag father cheer for his hometown team from the Wembley Stadium stands at the expense of his son. 

After the game, Jamie’s father, James (Kieran O’Brien), enters the locker room where he drunkenly accosts him for being a loser and demands that Jamie grant access to the Wembley Stadium pitch for him and his scumbag friends to run around on. When Jamie refuses, his father pushes him, so Jamie reflexively punches him right in the face. James is dragged out of the locker room by Coach Beard (Brendan Hunt), leading a stunned and traumatized Jamie Tartt standing in the middle of the room, as if in a spotlight of pure pain, surrounded by teammates too afraid to even approach him. And then something amazing happens…

Here’s the dirty secret about television: there’s a lot of it. Due to the sheer number of TV shows released each year, even the best of them are destined to become little more than memories long-term. Sometimes all you can ask from multiple episodes and seasons of television is to provide you with one moment, one line, or one warm feeling to carry with you into the future. I don’t know how much I’ll remember from Ted Lasso 30-40 years from now when I’m immobile and reclined in my floating entertainment unit, Wall-E style. But I know I’ll at least remember the moment that Roy hugs Jamie.

The great Roy Kent (Brett Goldstein) – a character so disconnected from his own emotions that some fans are convinced he’s CGI – embraces the one person in the world he is least likely to embrace. As Roy and Jamie wordlessly hug, it’s hard to tell which man is more shocked by the moment. Ultimately, however, it might be Ted Lasso himself who is hit hardest. Shortly after seeing Roy play father to the younger Jamie, Ted quickly exits the locker room and calls sports psychologist Dr. Sharon Fieldstone (Sarah Niles) on his Apple TV+-apporved iPhone. 

“My father killed himself when I was 16. That happened. To me and to my mom,” Ted says, weeping. 

And that, my friends, is what Ted Lasso is all about. Pain. And dads. But mostly pain. 

None of us can say that Ted Lasso didn’t warn us it was coming. To go back to the discourse of it all real quick – I don’t blame anyone for not picking up on the direction that this show was so clearly heading in. Ted Lasso is, first and foremost, a sitcom. The beauty of sitcoms is that you welcome them into your home to watch at your own pace and your own terms. If having Ted Lasso on in the background so you can occasionally see the handsome mustache man who smiles while you fold your laundry is the way you’ve chosen to engage with the show, then great! Just know that season 2 has been operating on a deeper level this whole time as well.

Let’s take things all the way back to the beginning – back to before season 2 even began. You’ve likely heard the old philosophical thought experiment “if a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?” Well Jason Sudeikis’s interviews leading up the season 2 premiere beg an equally as interesting hypothetical “how many times can one man mention The Empire Strikes Back before someone notices??”

Sudeikis referred to Ted Lasso season 2 as the show’s “Empire Strikes Back” multiple times before the premiere including in his local Kansas City Star and his technically local USA Today. The show even explicitly mentions the second Star Wars film in this season’s first episode when Richmond general manager Higgins (Jeremy Swyft) tells Ted that his kids are watching the trilogy for the first time. Sudeikis (who co-created and produces the show) and showrunner Bill Lawrence clearly want us to take the idea that Ted Lasso season 2 is The Empire Strikes Back seriously. And why would that be? 

Think of how ESB differs from its two Star Wars siblings in the original trilogy. This is the story that features arguably the series most iconic moment when Luke Skywalker discovers his dad is a dick on a literal universal level. It also has the only unambiguously downer ending of any original trilogy Star Wars film. Luke is thoroughly defeated in this installment. Having one’s hand chopped off by their father and barely escaping with their life is definitely the Star Wars version of a 4-0 defeat. 

The Empire Strikes Back can safely be boiled down into two concepts: 

Dads are complicated.

Everything sucks.

When viewed through those two conceptual prisms, so much of Ted Lasso season 2 begins to make more sense.

Episode 1 opens with the death of a dog and then leads into a classic Ted Lasso speech that could serve as this season’s mission statemetn. After recounting the story of how he cared for his sick neighbor’s dog, Ted concludes with: “It’s funny to think about the things in your life that can make you cry knowing that they existed then become the same thing that can make you cry knowing that they’re now gone. Those things come into our lives to help us get from one place to a better one.”

Things like…a father who you didn’t have nearly enough time with? Following episode 1 (and following just about every episode this season), Bill Lawrence took to Twitter to assuage viewers’ fears about a lack of central conflict this season. He had this to say about Ted’s big speech.

Look, Merrill. It was thought out, but the speech he gives after (Written by Jason himself – I loved it) is the core of the season, but we knew some people might bum out.

— Bill Lawrence (@VDOOZER) July 27, 2021

Sorry, truly. Ted’s speech after (which I love, but am obviously biased) is a big part of the season. But it sounds like you had a crappy thing happen recently.

— Bill Lawrence (@VDOOZER) July 28, 2021

It’s not. But Ted’s speech has big relevance. Stick around!

— Bill Lawrence (@VDOOZER) July 26, 2021

He also had this to say about dads.

Effin Dads, man. Love mine so, but he’s struggling a bit.

— Bill Lawrence (@VDOOZER) July 27, 2021

“Effin dads” and our complicated relationships with them are all over Ted Lasso season 2. In the very next episode, Sam Obisanya (Toheeb Jimoh) tells Ted “You know, my father says that every time you’re on TV, he’s very happy that I’m here. That I’m in safe hands with you.”

Ted smiles at this bit of info but not as warmly as you might expect. Because to Ted, a dad isn’t a reassuring presence but rather someone you love who will just leave when you need him the most. That’s why he’s been trying to be the perfect father figure this whole time. That’s why he did something as extreme as leaving his family behind in Kansas while he heads off to London. If giving his wife space was the only way to preserve the family and remain a good dad, then he was going to give her a whole ocean of space.

Moreover, Ted hasn’t just been trying to serve as a father figure to his son this whole time but to everyone else as well. Sam’s comment to Ted reminds him that not everyone has a good dad, which encourages him to bring Jamie into the fold in the first place.

As time goes on, however, the stress of being the consummate father to everyone in his orbit begins to wear on Ted. Throughout the entirety of this season, Ted Lasso appears to be trying to be Ted Lasso just a bit too hard. His energy levels are too high. His jokes go on too long. The same life lessons that worked last year aren’t working this year. AFC Richmond opens with an embarrassing streak of draws before Jamie’s immense talents set things straight.

It all culminates in this season’s sixth episode when Ted has his second panic attack in as many years. This time it’s in public during an important game. The experience sends Ted running through the concourse of the stadium until he somehow ends up in the dark on Dr. Fieldstone’s couch, instinctively, like a wounded animal. 

It’s certainly no coincidence that this panic attack occurs on the same day that Ted received a call from his son’s school asking him to pick him up, not realizing that he’s an ocean away. In that moment, Ted can’t help but remember what it’s like to be left behind by his own father and subconsciously wonder if he’s doing the same. 

Though the shallow waters of Ted Lasso season 2 may have appeared consequence free for half its run, beneath the surface was a tidal wave of conflict. Just because the conflict wasn’t taking place between a happy-go-lucky football coach and a villainous owner doesn’t mean it wasn’t there.

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Game of Thrones author George R.R. Martin is terrible at meeting deadlines but great at writing. According to him (and William Faulkner, from whom he borrows the quote), the only conflict worth writing about is that of the human heart with itself. That’s something that The Empire Strikes Back understood. And it’s something that Ted Lasso season 2 does as well.

The post How Ted Lasso Sneakily Crafted its Empire Strikes Back Season appeared first on Den of Geek.

from Den of Geek https://ift.tt/3E4eqHF

[fanficfanattic]

Tagged by @jamietarttsnorthernattitude to answer some questions. Including one improved from the original!

Last Song: Jolene by Dolly Parton featuring Måneskin

Currently watching: The complete collection of Stefon skits. I tried to see if there was a mash-up vid of him saying “accuraaate” to send as a response to Ash. And could not find one. But I’m revisiting the semester that Stefon kept me alive.

Three ships/dynamics: Roy/Keeley/Jamie, Dirk/Todd, and Jamie Tartt/Pain & Suffering > Being Hugged.

Fav color: Listen, I understand this is cheating, but my actual favorite color is rainbow. I wear a lot of jewel-toned colors. And my most common nail polish is silver or violet. But I choose rainbow whenever possible.

Currently consuming: chicken cordon bleu melt + salt & vinegar chips

First ship/ Past Beloved Character: My past beloved character choices have all unfortunately been semi-evil blond(e)s. Callisto. Spike. Malfoy.

Relationship status: single

Last movie: Jennifer’s Body upon recommendation of @izzyspussy (Before that was It 1 & 2 also by rec by Jack)

Currently working on: Finishing B2B I SWEAR TO GOD!!!

[fanficfanattic]

So Roy. Roy, Roy, Roy. I’m having Roy Kent feelings in this Chili’s tonight.

Right because him going to see Dr. Sharon finally is so significant. For many reasons. Addressing his fear that he’s infecting Phoebe with the worst parts of himself. Being better able to process when he has a feeling. Learning to not self-sabotage.

But I’m thinking of the man who “played hurt all the time”. That put off dealing with his knee for just ‘one more season’ until it was destroyed. He prioritized his ‘usefulness’ over all else.

For lack of a better word, he got used to living with some sort of deficit physically. (And he still was up to Prem League standards. Him at his worst was still better than a fuckton of people at their best.) He doesn’t appear to have ever even considered whether there were other issues that might be damaging himself.

His anger was a cloak, and a shield, and a sword. It was so big for so long that it drowned out any of the other feelings fighting for their lives inside him. But they were always there. He was living “hurt all the time”.

Then Ted Lasso came along. And he brought with him Beard. He brought up Nate. He presented Roy with his teammates and said that they were his people too. Even Jamie fucking Tartt.

And I just find it incredibly significant that Roy made a decision to address his mental and emotional health. For all the obvious reasons. But especially because he had gotten so used to existing with a background patina of pain and suffering. And he finally realized that he was worthy of feeling better.

[sortofanobsession]

Roy/Jaime: Time loop where either is S2 when Roy's refusing to coach Jaime or S3 Roy and Jaime get into an appalling fight and are snide to each other all day until it ends with Jaime dying, Roy passing out, and waking up to it being the same day. Everything repeats with Jaime dying in multiple, often ridiculous ways with Roy desperately trying to keep him alive. The loop only breaks once Roy is honest with himself and his feelings for the little prick who's stolen his heart.

A/N: Figured I'd get one more in before the finale. Hope you all enjoy it.

Ted Lasso Masterlist

Ao3 (slightly different, because of errors that were fixed differently at different times)

Word Count: 4k+

Paring: Roy x Jamie, really just them two in this. Mentions of others but they are really the only people in it. Except Ted. Ted does have dialog. Because he is Ted.

Content warnings: Death, grief, insanity, pain, suicide, mugging, stabbing, car accidents, head trauma, head injury, more death, suffering, angst, cheating, cussing/swearing/cursing, institutionalization, mental health, hospitals, crying, violence (Roy punches a wall)

Every day is the same until it isn't

Roy gets an odd feeling of deja vu as he sees Higgins in the window. It gets worse when the whole thing with Beard and his girlfriend happens again. Then the stuff with Welton’s mom happens again. And Roy can’t help but be on edge. When Jamie looks at him, asking if he had anything for him, it nearly sets him off. But he does what he did before and walks away. It’s not until Jamie is standing there repeating his insults back as faults that it fucking gets to him. He tells Jamie to quit fucking about and to fuck off. And Jamie does. He’s just about to leave when Keeley finds him. She’s been crying, and when he asks, she tells him Jamie was in an accident and didn’t make it. And it hits Roy like a fucking brick. He told the prick to fuck off, he did, and now he’s dead. And it fucking hurts. Because the prince of pricks Jamie had survived for so long. Jamie starts getting his shit together and asks Roy for help. Actually asks. Something the old Jamie would never have done. And he wonders what might have happened if he had done things differently. If he had fucking said yes. Roy ends up grabbing a bottle of whiskey, getting pissed and doesn’t remember the rest of the day.

He didn’t have as big a headache as he should have when he woke up. He looked at his phone and nearly through it at the wall. What the fuck was happening? Was this a cruel fucking joke? How was this possible? It should be Saturday. It should be fucking match day! Someone was taking the piss out of Roy, and he wasn’t having it. But his anger dimmed a bit when he made it to work, and it was like he was living the same day for a third time. And Surprisingly to even him, his anger left him the moment Jamie Tartt walked into the locker room. Roy didn’t know what the fuck was going on. He hoped everything that had happened the day before leading up to Jamie dying was a fucking nightmare and that this here wasn’t some sort of dream. And Roy usually wouldn’t consider himself a total fucking idiot, but this was all mental, so he did something stupid. He punched the wall. Everyone around him froze, and his fist hurt like hell. 

“Something wrong, Roy?” Ted asks. 

“This has to be a fucking joke,” Roy grumbles because it was that, or he was losing his mind.

“What is a joke?”

“That it’s fucking Friday again,” Roy says.

“Happens once a week,” Ted replies.

“Are you fucking with me?”

“Me? Why would I be-”

“Oi! You!” Roy shouts at Will. “Fucking day, is it?” 

“Friday,” Will says, then gives the date. Roy growls, and Will hurries back to work. 

Roy looks back, and both Ted and Beard are staring at him. Roy has to leave. He needs to go. So he does, only stopping to grab an ice pack for his knuckles on the way. He comes back part of the way during training. No one says anything to him, though he can tell Ted wants to. It isn’t until Jamie confronts him in the hall, like he has the past two days, and Roy nearly loses it, does he stop. He just stares at Jamie. The first time he remembers doing this, he had pissed Jamie off, Ted got involved, and he told Jamie to be a prick but only sometimes. The second time, he told Jamie to fuck off, and then Jamie died. 

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Jamie asks. It’s a different question, but it’s the same Jamie.

“Fuck if I know,” Roy grunts. And that was not the answer Jamie had clearly been expecting because of those fucking groomed eyebrows of his furrow, and he studied Roy.

“What?” Jamie looks a little more genuine as he asks. “I’m fucking serious,” Jamie says. “The fuck is going on with you? You punch a wall outta nowhere, vanish, and show up fucking late. Now…“ Jamie just gestures to Roy as he is. “You fucking high?”

“Fuck-” Roy almost tells him to fuck off, and he freezes because he can’t do that. Not after what he went through before. Fucking hell. Roy flexes his fingers and winces at the pain in his knuckles. “Don’t fucking do anything stupid when you leave.” And Jamie is a bit stunned. 

“Why the fuck do you care?” Jamie says, clearly confused and getting defensive.

“Because you have a fucking match tomorrow, and you wanted my fucking opinion, then there you fucking go!” Roy snaps. 

“Fucking fine, granddad,” Jamie retorts. Jamie is shocked when Roy doesn’t yell at him.

The next morning is the same. So he says he’s sick and tries to see if doing fuck all will end whatever is happening. Turns out that just makes it worse because somehow Tartt ends up with a head injury during training, and hours later, Roy’s sister calls him to tell him before anyone else can. And Roy drinks until he blacks out, and it all starts over again. It goes like that with Jamie dying in a number of ways, and it breaks Roy’s sanity down bit by bit every time. How can one fucking prick matter so much to him? Why can’t he just move on? Why does it fucking feel like his heart has been torn out of his chest when he thinks about how he’ll never see the prince of all pricks ever again. So he tries to do something about it. Sometimes he tells people, and they either think he is joking or insane. Dr. Sharon even checks him into the hospital psych ward once. His sister does too. He didn’t repeat that action the next time. And every time Jamie dies. Jamie dies in an accident. Jamie dies in a mugging. That one had pissed Roy off, who mugs someone as famous as Jamie Tartt in broad fucking daylight. That had ended with Jamie bleeding out on the pavement, surrounded by stunned strangers. That one would leave a mark on Roy’s soul. He is pretty sure. But not nearly as much of a mark as the one where Jamie’s dad fucking came out of nowhere and beat Jamie so badly with no one around to save him. Yeah, that one would live in Roy’s nightmares for the rest of his life. A life that he couldn’t even end. And he tried. The only good thing about it was that no one else would have to suffer knowing he'd tried to end it all. Just Roy. Roy would always know, but nothing changes.

Roy couldn’t take it. He even tried to help Jamie. Not waiting for Jamie to come to find him. He actually goes to Jamie. And Jamie is shocked when Roy hugs him. Everyone around them is too, but they move on when Roy glares at them. It was just a fucking nightmare of the same day, no matter what. Waiting, just waiting for shit to go wrong. He always wakes up, and it’s fucking Friday again. And Roy’s soul felt broken at this point. He’d had a few good days. Where he didn’t really try to do anything out of the normal, but he didn’t push Jamie away. Where he let Jamie come to him and agreed to help, but those days actually hurt worse because he would get to know Jamie and be more like friends. And then Jamie would die, and it hurt even more. It had gotten to the point Roy’d seen Jamie die so many times that just seeing him every morning made him want to cry or, worse, fucking hug the prick. And it was weird for more than just them, but Roy didn't care anymore.

So when Roy wakes up to face the same day he had officially lost count of repeating, he is out of ideas. He isn’t sure what to do, but he knows one thing, Roy can't take seeing Jamie die again. He can't. So this time, he rushes to change after training and hurries to catch Jamie. Not waiting for Jamie to come to find him. He actually goes to Jamie. And Jamie is shocked when Roy hugs him. Everyone around them is too, but they move on when Roy glares at them. 

"You lose your marbles, old man?" Jamie asks but doesn't push him away. Jamie had never seen Roy look as terrible as he did during training. Roy kept watching Jamie. Watching his every move. And Roy was quieter than normal. Part of Jamie loved the attention. He’d have done almost anything to get Roy’s attention in the past. Usually did so by pissing him off. But this was unnerving. Because the way Roy looked at him wasn’t usual. He wasn’t angry. He wasn’t even annoyed. No, Roy looked as lost and broken as Jamie often felt. Roy looked at Jamie like he was waiting for something. And that had tugged at something in Jamie’s chest he didn’t know was there. So instead of pushing away, Jamie actually hugs Roy tighter than he would in a normal end-of-match hug. When Roy doesn't say anything and just buried his face in Jamie's neck and lets out a shaky breath, Jamie really starts to get worried. 

"Roy, mate, what's going on?" He asks, his tone now filled with genuine concern. "Come on, Kent, talk to me."

"You're not ugly, or stupid, or a prick. You're nothing like that," Roy manages to say. 

"Thanks, I guess, but I meant more about this," Jamie says. “This can’t be about that.”

"If I told you,” Roy says, though it’s mumbled from where he’s pressed into Jamie. “You wouldn't believe me."

"Might not, but won't know if you don't say it," Jamie says. "Can't score if you don't shoot first."

"I've been living the same day over and over and over."

"Like that wedding movie with Andy Samberg in it," Jamie says. "Palm Spring."

"I have no idea what you are talking about. It's like that movie Groundhogs day," Roy says.

"What does that even mean?" Jamie looks confused. 

"I don't know, some American thing with an animal predicting the weather or something, not the point."

"Okay, so it's the same day, every day," Jamie says. 

"Yes," Roy nods. 

"Okay, what changes? And what doesn't?"

"You. Somehow are both. You are always there, but how it ends…" Roy doesn’t know why this is so hard to do. He’d told other people so many times now, but never Jamie. 

"Okay, what happens to me?" Jamie asks. 

Roy doesn't answer. He just grips Jamie tighter. He is still amazed Jamie hadn't pushed him away.

"Roy?" Jamie prompts him again. "What happens to me?"

"You…die. No matter what I do, I lose you. Can't save you."

"Whoa, that's heavy," Jamie says. He lets Roy pull him closer and just rests his head on Roy's shoulder. 

"Too fucking right," Roy says.

"How many times?"

"Too many. I stopped counting," Roy sighs. 

"Fucking hell, no wonder you needed a hug." 

"From you, had to be you," Roy insists.

"If I'm the one dying, makes sense."

"No, that's not-" Roy pulls back to grip his face. The only days that aren't terrible are the ones we get along. The ones where you're with me."

"You're my coach. I'm with you every day," Jamie points out. And Roy pulls back. He can sort of understand Jamie’s need to constantly be moving now. He feels like if he doesn’t keep moving, everything that is in him will bust. But Jamie doesn’t let him go far because he hasn’t actually let go of him. And Roy surprises himself by not minding. More than that, even he finds it comforting. Like the universe can’t take Jamie away from him if even Jamie won't let go. But Jamie had missed the point. So Roy says, "Not like that. I mean, where we actually are close. Like-"

"I know, Roy. I just hugged you for how long? I think I get your point," Jamie grins before gripping Roy's face. 

"Cheeky prick," Roy huffs but smiles. 

"Yet, you like me," Jamie states, studying Roy for a reaction.

And Roy just caves. Because he never gets to actually tell Jamie how much losing him hurts. So he does this time. "I do, fuck, I really do. I don't think I can lose you again. Don't think my heart can take it."

"Haven't died yet,” Jamie shrugs, “still early, though.” 

"Don't even joke,” Roy growls. “I'm so fucking tired."

And Jamie can tell he is. "Alright then," Jamie says, finally putting distance between them. Pointedly ignoring all the odd looks from the people around them, some of them his confused teammates, he takes Roy by the wrist and tugs him toward the car park. Jamie huffs a laugh as they reach the pavement outside.

"What?" Roy asks.

Jamie looks back at the player’s entrance. "Really was Richmond til I died. Again and again. And again."

"Not funny," Roy says. 

"Dark, but still a little bit funny," Jamie grins.

Roy growls. "Fucking isn't, Jamie."

"Fair enough, you the one livin' it, not me."

"I'm driving," Roy insists when they are near the cars.

"Fucked it on the road, did I?" Jamie asks.

"Not one I want to relive again," Roy grimaces. "Fucking brutal."

"Right, works for me," Jamie shrugs.

"You really are just going to go with this, like it isn't insane."

"Well, I know Roy fucking Kent isn't taking the piss with a hug like that. So yeah, Roy, and what's the worse that can happen if I play along? It makes you feel better? I get another cuddle from Roy Kent. No complaints here."

"You're serious?" Roy says.

"As serious as I was earlier.”

"Okay then," Roy seems to relax a bit. 

Roy was just about to get in his car when Jamie asks, "What’s the coolest way I died?" 

"What the fuck, Tartt?" Roy pulled back and stared at him.

"Come on, some of them had to be entertaining," Jamie says.

"Fuck no. I think the first time I actually saw it, I blacked out because how the fuck am I supposed to live in a world where you’re gone? Like I could live in a world where you genuinely hate me for the rest of my life, but not one where you're dead."

"You'd figure it out," Jamie says. 

"No, I don't think I would." He goes around to stand in front of Jamie by the passenger side door to really get his point across. He grips one of Jamie's shoulders. "I know I wouldn't. And not just because every fucking time it happens, my fucking day starts over, and I have to live through it all over again. It's because I can't do it anymore. I can't. I'm so fucking tired. Losing you every goddamn day is more exhausting than anything I have ever done. I don't want to lose you. You mean too fucking much to me and-"

"Will you fucking quit it? You're breaking me heart," Jamie grips Roy's face. "Say the nicest things. Didn't know you cared that much."

"I fucking do, and it hurts," Roy says, leaning into Jamie's touch.

Jamie smirks. "Want me to kiss it and make it better?" He's only half joking because Roy fucking Kent is telling him he can't live without him. And it's like one of those movies Ted loves so much. And Jamie can't help it. He doesn't like seeing Roy suffer. Doesn't like seeing him so torn up. 

"Fucking hell," Roy grunts. "Please do."

So Jamie does. He kisses Roy like Jamie's teenage self had always fantasized about when he was alone at night. Like he has wanted to, even when Roy hated his guts. The urge had never left Jamie. He just never thought Roy could feel anything like that for him. That Roy would want him, not after everything Jamie had done. But now Roy is holding on to him like he is his only lifeline. And from the sound of it, he might be. Fuck, this really was insane. Roy leans his forehead against Jamie's when they break for air. It's as if he really is terrified of letting Jamie go even the slightest. "I'm scared that when I close my eyes, I'm going to wake up, and it will all start over."

"Then you can just tell me again, and we can keep doing things differently until we sort it out. Two heads and all that, yeah?"

"I think I fucking love you," Roy breathes. And Jamie lights up like they just won the fucking World Cup for the national league, and it does things to Roy. It really does. 

"Might fucking love you too, though it seems like you've had a lot more time to sort that out for it to be an 'I think'."

"You watch the love of your fucking life die over and over and-"

Jamie kisses him again and again. Until he is sure that Roy's knee probably hurts like hell from not moving. "You ever try keeping someone with you to see if the next morning actually happens?"

"No one meaningful because they weren't you."

"Oh yeah? Should I be jealous?" Jamie grins.

"Fuck. Off." He says, punctuating each word with a kiss.

"Mixed signals there, Coach. Might need to clear that up."

"Get in the fucking car," Roy growls.

"Sure thing, coach."

“Not even, Keeley?” Jamie asks once they are both in the g-wagon.

“Honestly, Keeley was usually too torn up over you dying to deal with my shit,” Roy admits.

“Did she cry?” Jamie asks, now very curious about how everyone reacted to his death. 

“Fucking hell, Jamie,” Roy shakes his head as they get on the road. “I don’t know why I’m surprised you’re asking. This is you, after all.”

“Rude to say to the love of your life,” Jamie smirks. “But yeah, I’m dying to know.”

“Still not funny,” Roy growls.

“Sure, love, sure,” Jamie laughs. 

“Fucking nightmare,” Roy grumbles, but he can’t help but smile because he shouldn’t be as happy as he is with Jamie using a simple pet name. A common one, but it still makes Roy feel lighter, happier. 

“You didn’t answer,” Jamie says.

“Fucking-,” Roy huffs. “She cried, Dani cried, Ted cried, Colin, most of the team either cried or got pissed.”

“And you?” Jamie asks, the joking jovial tone now gone as he keeps glancing over at Roy. 

“Which time?” Roy asks, glancing at Jamie before going back to watching the road. 

“Any of ‘em, all of ‘em,” Jamie shrugs. 

Roy grunts, and it's quiet for a moment. Quieter than Jamie usually can handle so, he starts to fiddle with the cuff on his sleeve. He stops when Roy reaches over and squeezes his hand, grounding them both with the gesture. 

“First few times, I wasn’t there. Keeley would tell me, or I’d get a call from my sister while working A&E. They’d tell me, and I fucking drank until I blacked out, and then it would start over.  Stayed in bed for a few days. That really freaked Keeley and Ted out. But even doing nothing, you still didn’t live. Then I tried to stop it, save you, and that, fuck, that was awful. Every fucking time. A few times…” Roy gets quiet. Did he really want to tell Jamie that a few times he just tried to end everything? The time loop. Himself. Everything.

“A few times what, Roy?” Jamie asks.

“A few times, the days were real short because I couldn’t do it anymore.”

“Oh,” Jamie says, but it takes a moment for the true meaning to hit him. “Oooooh.” Jamie tightens his grip on Roy’s hand. “Fuck, that’s- Roy I-”

“Don’t fucking apologize,” Roy says, squeezing back. “Because as fucking awful as it was, there was the unbelievably reassuring feeling that I’d wake up and you’d be back. You’d walk into that fucking locker room just like any day, and it’s like I’d remember how to breathe again.”

“That’s painfully sweet,” Jamie admits. “Fucking mental and depressing, but sweet.”

Roy agrees. The rest of the drive to Roy’s is quiet as Jamie thinks over everything he’d learned since training ended. Roy tries to figure out how to make this time different, how he can try and keep Jamie with him because at least then they’ll be together no matter how it ends. 

Jamie can't believe how easily Roy just adjusted to having Jamie around in his personal space. He lets Jamie talk. He lets Jamie look around his home and ask questions. And Roy answers. Roy makes them both tea, then dinner. Then they just spend the night watching TV. Jamie asks stupid questions sometimes about different versions of the day. Roy tells him some of the better ones. The ones where Jamie got weirded out because Roy predicted every little thing someone would say. Including exact scores of different games and such. Jamie didn't bat an eye at any of the details, excited to hear it despite how insane it all sounded. Roy waves off the calls and texts from his confused and concerned friends and colleagues. Keeley offers to swing by, but when Roy says Jamie is there, she is stunned and silent. He assures her they are both fine and getting along. So she lets it be. And Roy is surprised that Jamie had indeed meant what he said before. That he planned on staying with Roy partially because he wanted to see what happened but mostly because he didn't want Roy to be alone. Didn't want him to suffer alone. And Roy had kissed him like it was only natural to want to. In a way that made Jamie feel like nothing else mattered. That Jamie could die in that moment, and it would be a pleasure. But he didn't. And despite both being absolutely knackered and Jamie knowing he was supposed to be resting up for a match, they both didn't want to actually sleep. But Roy had dragged a half-asleep Jamie into his bed.

"Don't want ta," Jamie says, fighting a yawn as Roy nudges Jamie here and there until he lays down. 

"I know, but you're going to," Roy insists. His voice was quiet, almost like he would use when tucking Phoebe in. And it was a lot like that now, Roy thinks. Not because Jamie was a child or because he needed to be looked after. No, but it was someone Roy cared for. Someone Roy wanted to look after. Someone Roy loved. 

“I know, but-” Jamie starts, but Roy stops him.

“Believe me, I know,” Roy says as he gets in his bed beside Jamie. “I’m scared shitless that I’m going to wake up and have to do it all over again, but for once, I think I could actually handle it.”

“Yeah?” Jamie yawns, which makes Roy yawn, which makes Jamie grin. 

“Yeah, because you were right earlier. That I’d just tell you again, and we’d keep trying to figure it out until we do.” 

“Together,” Jamie says as he snuggles in closer to Roy.

“Exactly,” Roy smiles and pulls Jamie in tight until Jamie’s head is tucked into his shoulder. Jamie was out like a light in no time. Roy watched Jamie sleep and held him close, truly hoping that this nightmare would be over and they might actually get to move on with their lives. Hopeful because Jamie was alive. And that was all Roy really needed. Sure, he liked the idea of spending more nights like this. But if by some chance Saturday morning actually comes. And in that morning, Jamie realizes how insane the past day was and wants nothing to do with Roy. Well, Roy could live with that because Jamie would still be alive. And Roy had meant it when he said he just couldn’t live in a world without Jamie Tartt in it. Not anymore. But fuck does he want to keep falling asleep with Jamie in his bed. In his arms. And that would have sounded insane to him not long ago, but he wasn’t about to deny it now. Roy was lost on Jamie Tartt. And he’d spend the rest of his life proving it to Jamie if he’d let him.  On that thought, Roy manages to drift off and actually sleep. No blacking out drunk. No passing away. Just sleep.  

Roy genuinely cries when he wakes up the next morning, and Jamie is still there. Jamie’s arm across Roy’s torso and his grown-out hair a mess from sleep. It really is the next morning. He can’t believe it’s Saturday. Jamie wakes up confused and worried because he has only ever seen Roy fucking Kent cry once, but before Jamie can even think about asking, Roy kisses him. And fuck, neither of them has brushed their teeth, but you couldn't pay Jamie to actually care. He doesn't care because Roy Kent is warm and kissing him as if he needs him more than air. Jamie hasn’t ever had this level of happiness first thing in the morning, or ever really. Jamie ends up pinned to the mattress and has absolutely no complaints as Roy takes him apart. It's not until Roy has heard his name a few times in the most wanton and indecent of ways possible that Jamie gets a good look at Roy's face. And it's fucking hot. Love drunk and fucking happy. 

"I take it this is not how your usual morning starts," Jamie says when he can finally form coherent sentences.

"Fuck no," Roy smiles, and Jamie's chest warms at the sight because Roy is looking at him like he is his whole world. "But it's not a bad idea." 

"Yeah?"

"Unless you don't agree?"

"Would be fucking mental to turn down the offer of waking up every morning to Roy fucking Kent. You think I kept your poster in my room for laughs?"

"Fucking hell," Roy grunts.

“You know what this means, right?” 

“That you have a fucking match today?” Roy asks. 

“That too,” Jamie admits. “One of us is going to have to tell Keeley.”

Roy grunts. 

“I might be a selfish prick,” Jamie says. “But I’m not letting you cheat on her.”

“Kind of late for that,” Roy groans. He didn’t actually want to hurt Keeley. He cared about her. She made him happy, but he genuinely could not live without Jamie. Not if Jamie is offering to stay. 

“You know what I mean,” Jamie shoves at Roy’s shoulder. “It’s not fair to her. She deserves better.”

“You just don’t want her to hate you,” Roy begrudgingly moves to get up because they are already running later than Roy usually likes for a match day. And he can’t let his shit be the reason Jamie isn’t prepared to face the Hotspurs. 

“Well, yeah,” Jamie admits. “But I don’t want to be the reason she hurts again.”

Roy knows Jamie is being serious. He knows Jamie hated how he’d hurt Keeley in the past. It had infuriated Roy too. So he gets it. Neither of them wanted to hurt Keeley, but they couldn’t exactly feel bad about finally being honest with themselves. “I’ll tell her,” Roy says.

“Yeah?” Jamie looks up at him from where he is half propped up on his elbow. How the fuck could Roy possibly say no to Jamie fucking Tartt, thoroughly fucked, and looking up at him through his lashes. 

“Yes, but get your arse moving. I’d rather cut my fucking foot off than have to explain why we’re both fucking late for a match.”

“Yes, coach,” Jamie laughs as he gets up. “Save a bit of time not showering alone.” Jamie winks. 

Roy growls. He ends up letting Jamie cajole him into the shower with him. Jamie, being Jamie, the shower takes long enough that Roy ends up rushing everything, and they barely make it on time, but they do.  

[ao3feed-tedlasso]

youre staring in a mirror (but your face wont stay the same)

https://ift.tt/mtkfdZo by disconnectedc8 He’s not paying attention when it happens. He’s turned around looking at a weird-shaped cloud trying to figure out what it looks like, while he’s also thinking about how this new play they’re testing out is not going to work. Then all of a sudden, a searing pain hits the back of his head that has him stumbling forward. “I can’t see,” his voice breaks when he says it, and the severity of what’s happening finally settles in, “Roy, I can’t fucking see.” - Jamie suffers an injury that has him dealing with losing his eyesight. Roy is there to help along the way. Words: 5023, Chapters: 1/5, Language: English Fandoms: Ted Lasso (TV) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Categories: M/M Characters: Jamie Tartt, Roy Kent, AFC Richmond Players (Ted Lasso) Relationships: Roy Kent/Jamie Tartt, Roy Kent & Jamie Tartt Additional Tags: Major Character Injury, Injury Recovery, Anger, Hurt Jamie Tartt, Angst and Tragedy, Temporary Blindness, Head Injury, Eventual Relationships, Non-Sexual Intimacy source https://archiveofourown.org/works/54101623 February 27, 2024 at 12:49PM