#jegulus and jily can coexist in the same timeframe

[mourningliliesmorningglories]

marauders canon fic except regulus obliviates james once he realises he has to get the mark for his plan to work, to keep sirius safe and to give james the kindest goodbye he could manage.

canon except james walks around with a hole in his heart and no recollection of why but he finds lily, gets harry, and dies anyway.

[mourningliliesmorningglories]

James who hears Regulus’ sarcasm in Lily’s voice and Lily who sees Pandora’s zest for life in James.

James who hears Regulus’ laugh in Lily and Lily who feels Pandora’s touch in James’ hands.

James who learns love isn’t limited and Lily who learns that to live is to love.

[mourningliliesmorningglories]

“And when broken bodies are washed ashore, who am I to ask for more, more, more?”

Regulus welcomed September. A new year is borne from another reckoning. Another storm is weathered, another tempest yet to come. He’s happy to leave home behind. His forearm will sting for eternity but it’s a small price to pay. He knows no one can find out about this or his greater intention. His plan is set - leave nothing behind. His mother never cared for the spare. He has no friends, no allegiances. He has one thing though, undefined and unfinished, a weakness. Regulus is too selfish to leave it behind just yet.

“But you're breathing in my open mouth, you're the gun in my lips that will blow my brains out.”

Regulus can only watch. He watches James at breakfast, at Quidditch. Their friendship is tentative at best and forbidden at worst. He waits for only one thing - their Wednesday night rendezvous in the astronomy tower. He never asks for more than he is given. Regulus knows that he can’t show just how much this means to him - anything he treasures will inevitably be taken away. He can do this. He can long from afar. He survives his mother. He survives the misunderstanding of his brother. So he can do this. Loving James is never something that needs to be survived, it’s a lifeline, a tether.

“I wanna make you drive all night just because I said, "Maybe you should come over"”

“You could just leave?” James’ voice is quiet, hesitant even. Again, it’s Wednesday so they’re perched in the astronomy tower like owls. It makes Regulus laugh that this is the only time he feels free - when he’s trapped on a ledge, with the boy who risks his best friend just to be here. It makes Regulus almost happy to harbour the fleeting thought that he is important to James. “I’m not Sirius.” Regulus’ voice is firm, resolute. He knows his brother’s intention - always took the fall, always shouldered the blame, always sought to mark the path for Regulus behind him. What Sirius didn’t know wouldn’t hurt him. This conversation always makes its way back around. “It’s not a crime to leave something so terrible behind.” Regulus wishes he could believe James - if only he knew that the terrible things still await.

“Wanna make you fall in love as hard as my poor parents' teenage daughter.”

Another Wednesday. A repeat ritual except it is different. “She’s amazing.” His voice is rich and passionate. “She’s kind and smart and intelligent and just so, so pretty…” James’ voice trails off as Regulus pats his back sympathetically. This is all Regulus will allow himself. He doesn’t have much to say. Regulus will not beg for a love he doesn’t deserve. In fact he wouldn’t ever ask for much more than just company. He knows James deserves to be loved - a love that is pure and untainted. Regulus knows that he is ruined, that something so distorted and ugly could never exist in the bubble of James’ life. He looks at the blush on James’ cheeks and thinks of the girl who causes it. Regulus knows if he begs like a dog, surely he deserves to be put down like one too.

“She'll be the best you ever had if you let her.”

Lily watches James, the vacant stare present in his eyes. Every Wednesday night he’d go missing until Remus finally relented. Every Wednesday he’d go to the tower, just like he did before Regulus had left. Every Wednesday he’d sit on the ledge and wait to hear footsteps behind him. He’d wait for Regulus to sit down next to him and smile - like really smile, not just his usual smirk. Lily would gently rub her hands over James’ shoulders before resting next to him. She was used to the sharp inhale and soft exhale of disappointment. In this moment, and only this moment, she couldn’t be what James wanted. She wonders just how much love James has to give, if he can love someone and grieve another at the same time.