#jfc this song is so beautiful

[eames-with-a-rose]

@hirunoka i listened to maybe 23 maybe more versions of this song, never understood a word until now. SO SAD EISY WTFORK

[heyitsphoenixx]

i have not cried over ANYTHING this tour not even when i SAW THEM LIVE

RAY TORO SINGING INTO MIC WITH GERARD GOT ME CRYING REAL TEARS

[ugh-yoongi]

about u | jjk

❝ this song is about a love that you can’t reconcile—wanting to make a home out of a person that has proved to you time and again that they are not a home; they are just a person. it’s about retracing scars, negative patterns, all with the silent belief that moments of communion and understanding might justify months of misfiring and regret. we’re all just trying to get back to that ‘first high’ feeling—an honest endeavor, however futile. ❞

✤ PAIRING jungkook x f. reader ✤ GENRE exes to fwb to strangers, college/grad school au; angst, smut ✤ RATING explicit. minors do not interact. ✤ WARNINGS toxic & self-destructive behavior (inc. jealousy and possessiveness). infidelity (with an external partner). reader is bisexual (which is not a warning but a general statement so the homophobes stay away) and there is a brief mention of coming out. two people who are both too honest and unable to communicate. swearing. cigarettes and alcohol use. kissing, some spitting, fingering, oral sex, protected vaginal sex. every time i asked jess to read this over for me she always came back with "jfc jewel" so i guess this is angsty. unhappy ending. ✤ WORDCOUNT 7.3k ✤ LISTEN TO this was based off of "winterbreak" by muna, but there are bits and pieces of the entire about u album in here, "everything" and "outro" especially. ✤ THANK YOU to muna for writing the album, @the-boy-meets-evil and @hot-soop for reading over this for me multiple times and putting up with all my brainstorming and my beloved @here2bbtstrash for the extra set of eyes. ✤ AUTHOR'S NOTE hi, thank you for reading! i cannot emphasize enough how much more sense this story will make if you listen to about u in the background. i would also like to reiterate that these two are maybe not all that likeable most of the time, but i hope they're still human. as i once saw in an ao3 tag, you are more than the worst thing you've ever done.

[ the first. ] You’d read an article once—something about the second time you fall in love.

It’s going to feel different, it’d said. The first time felt like a dream.

As you stare across the kitchen at Jeongguk, you think that might be true. The part about it feeling like a dream, because it used to be a pinky-lavender haze and everything that has come after hasn’t felt so good. Not a nightmare, but close. At least with nightmares you can force yourself awake. You can tell yourself it wasn’t real. You can pretend.

This is as real as it gets, watching him smile over the rim of a plastic red cup. Someone else’s hand on his arm. The girl it belongs to looks nothing like you, and you wonder if she’ll be the second time he falls in love. You also wonder why you didn’t stay home. You wonder about fault and regret and if either of them even matter. No, you eventually decide: there’s just you in Taehyung’s kitchen and Jeongguk on the other side of it and the result of a million decisions in between you.

There had been a plenitude of reasons you’d fallen in love with Jeongguk, but he’s undoubtedly beautiful. Soft, tinkling laugh; a smile that reaches his eyes. Not all that long ago you used to be responsible for both, so there’s a lingering, bitter sting beneath your wonder. Jeongguk is beautiful and no longer yours, and that’s enough to have you retreating to the living room.

Jimin’s at your side immediately. Wraps an arm around your shoulders and presses a kiss to the top of your head that does little to alleviate your guilt. Missing someone is always easier with thousands of miles in between you. All those distractions. Just like a nightmare, distance lets you pretend. Not so easy to do when all those ghosts come back to haunt you; when you can still hear Jeongguk’s soft voice in the kitchen. The music is so loud but you’d be able to hear him anywhere, you think.

Even places he’s not.

Jimin leans down, forces his way into your personal space. “Are you doing okay?” he asks, and his words are warm and wrapped in alcohol, but you nod. You’re scared you might start crying if you open your mouth. Afraid of what might come out besides shuddering breaths, which just makes you feel stupid. Baby’s first breakup, you chide yourself. Maybe Jimin can get you a commemorative ornament.

Taehyung is turning twenty-four and it should be joyous. It is joyous. People that aren’t you are laughing and dancing and pressing their cheeks together as they huddle close to take selfies. Someone you don’t recognize is cackling wildly as they wrangle Taehyung into a headlock and smear cake frosting on his face. Someone else is tutting and running a rag under the tap to wipe it off and then the frosting is gone. It’s hard not to draw parallels.

There one minute and gone the next.

Gently wiped away.

But the feeling lingers, doesn’t it? The tack of the frosting, all the love that transpired between you and Jeongguk. Sometimes you fear it’s permanent—not able to be wiped away with a rag run under the tap, not able to be wiped away at all. Just this burden you’re cursed to carry, because Jeongguk isn’t and can’t be yours but knowing does nothing to erase the past. Doesn’t help you forget. It’s fucked and it’s unfair, but that’s just the way it goes.

“I think I should leave,” you say, watching another scene play out in the kitchen. Jeongguk fills a cup and hands it to a different pretty girl. Everyone here is so pretty. Makes sense; so is Taehyung. Pretty people are drawn to one another like that. “Is it too soon? Will it be obvious?”

Jimin sighs, wraps you in a hug. Says, “Oh, love,” in a way that’s too sympathetic. Makes you sound too pathetic. “No one will blame you. These things are hard.”

You squeeze your eyes shut. Not that you don’t appreciate Jimin’s reassurance, but sometimes it all feels a bit silly. Weren’t you the one to walk away? Call it off? Are you allowed to mourn the very thing you destroyed?

And Jimin, bless him, is so patient with you. Asks if you need a ride home and you wave him off, remind him your parents’ place isn’t far, that the cold might do you some good. You tell him you appreciate him and his night shouldn’t be ruined on your account, and you just laugh when he tries to protest, tell him to go get himself another drink.

“Text me when you get home,” he says, voice stern, and you brush that off, too. “I’m serious. It’s late and it’s dark and anyone could be out there—”

“Maybe I should walk you home, then?”

All those articles you read about the second time you fall in love didn’t mention this. Said nothing about the way a voice will always be able to turn your world on its axis and how to right it again. Said nothing about how to coexist with ghosts. Said nothing about what to do with all the yearning and the pain and the stupid, selfish strands of hope. There are paragraphs about an overarching, general grief, but nothing about the specific one living inside of you.

The shock on Jimin’s face is reflecting your own. It’s nice to not be the only one caught off-guard and stammering over their words. It’s nice to have a friend when it feels like your entire world is on the edge of collapse. “I don’t…” he begins. Swallows thickly and turns to look at you, an obvious question biting at the back of his teeth.

You know the answer.

You know that what you should say isn’t what you want, just like you know it isn’t fair, this thing you’re doing. Because you turn to Jeongguk and say, “Are you sure?” which might as well be a yes, because you’re selfish and suspended in this liminal space and don’t want him to go home with anyone else. You don’t want him to move on.

He shrugs. “It’s on the way.”

You say okay. Let Jimin help you into your coat, hide his face in your neck as he tells you to be careful, and that stings. You’ve never had to be careful around Jeongguk before. The two of you never, ever hurt one another—until you did. The kind of hurt your heart hasn’t easily forgotten, is still stubbornly clinging to.

Your heart wants Jeongguk, always.

You want Jeongguk, always, so you let him grab your hand, link your pinkies together. You let him lead you out of the house and don’t turn back to see who might be watching. God, you want to, though. Want all those pretty girls to see that he’s leaving with you. Want them to know it’s your name that’s branded on his heart; your name beneath his skin. For once, you want someone to want what you have.

It’s strange. The two of you have been apart for eight months, and there’s a lot of things you might want to tell someone in that amount of time, but you find it hard now. Don’t know where to start, which words to use. Don’t want to say something stupid, because Jeongguk is just walking you home but you’ve assigned a lot of meaning to it, and eight months is a long time to yearn for something and finally get it.

So you say, “You didn’t have to do this, you know,” because it’s something that’s true and easy to say.

Jeongguk doesn’t answer right away. Drops your pinky so he can hold your hand properly—fully, all five fingers intertwined—and squeezes. “Is it weird for you?” he asks, and he doesn’t sound nervous. Almost sounds like he’s smiling a little, giving you shit. He sounds familiar.

“No. I don’t know. Maybe a little.” He asks why? at the same time he passes under a streetlight. Lights up golden and amber. He’s beautiful—“I don’t know. It’s just… I guess it’s just been a long time. We didn’t leave things the best.”—and no longer yours.

The Jeongguk walking beside you is not the same Jeongguk that walked out of your dorm eight months ago, tears staining his cheeks, the smell of a goodbye fuck still clinging to his clothes, his skin, sweat still dotting his hairline. This Jeongguk is sharper, more selfish with his laughter, and you wonder about all the ways heartbreak can change a person. How you’re changed for facilitating it. You wonder if Jeongguk blames you before deciding you’re too much of a coward to find out the answer.

“Was it that bad?” When you look over at him, he’s chewing on his lip ring, trying to bite back a smile. “You’ll have to remind me. I don’t remember.”

You stop walking, jerking forward when Jeongguk is left unaware and keeps going. “That’s not funny,” you say. “Jeongguk, that’s not—I did what I thought was best, okay? I thought I was doing the right thing—”

The smile drops from Jeongguk’s face. “Hey, hey, look at me,” he says, and he’s hesitant to reach out and touch you but he does it anyway. Cups your face in both hands. “I know, it’s okay. That’s just—it’s just life, right? You did what you had to do, babe. It’s okay.”

You did what you had to do, babe.

Did you?

Jeongguk is selfish with his laughter but never his affection, and knowing that feels like an albatross around your neck. You have broken him so entirely, but he’s still kind to you, finds it a worthwhile thing to be.

His eyes go to your lips. Tattooed fingers dimple your face just a little more, dig in deeper. When you dare to take him in, he looks… different. No longer amused, the way he was just seconds ago; now, there’s something dark there. Longing, anger, hunger. Jeongguk looks like he wants to swallow you whole and make you suffer; looks like he wants to cage you beneath him and worship you through the comedown.

I’d let him, you think as you bury your face in the crook of his neck. As you smell the smoke that lingers, the sweat and the alcohol. I’d still let him.

It’d be so easy to press a kiss there. To feel his skin beneath your lips: flushed, still warm from the party, not all daunted by the bitter winter wind biting at your cheeks. As you lean in further, you wonder if it’ll taste the same. You wonder how much can change in eight months and if all those old comforts change, too. If it’s something inevitable.

Jeongguk moves his hands to your waist. Crawls his fingertips beneath your jacket and finds bare skin. Sucks in the smallest bit of air, and you would’ve missed it had it been any other time, but winter is always quiet and subdued. Always smells transitional, something dangerously close to hope and redemption.

And eight months is a long time to miss the feel of someone’s lips, isn’t it, so you think you can be excused for reaching for something you thought you’d never have again.

The first kiss is hesitant, testing; pressed to the spot just beneath his ear. Maybe you don’t know this Jeongguk, but you know the version of him you used to love—the one you still do—and you know the way he’ll sigh. You know the way his hands will grip tighter. You can still hear it, the way you used to kiss him there and he’d say, don’t start something you can’t finish, baby, and the way you’d laugh and always, always finish it. Can still feel the warmth that used to bloom in your chest. The love.

Jeongguk won’t say that now, you know. Wonder if it’d sound more like don’t start something you already finished if he did. He huffs a small laugh, more an exhale than anything, and asks, “What are you doing?”

And you answer, “I don’t know,” because it’s honest. You admit, “I guess I just miss you,” because it’s true.

A war wages within Jeongguk. You can see the storms, the white flags that are close to being thrown out. Can see the way his gaze flits between your lips and your eyes. What he’s looking for, you don’t know, but the storm rages on. And just like real life, just when you think it’s at its worst, there’s a break in the clouds: a tangible beam of silvery-warm light when Jeongguk tangles his hands in your hair, thumbs at the hinge of your jaw. Jeongguk tilts your head back and looks ethereal in the amber glow of the streetlights.

He says, “We shouldn’t,” and you nod, because you know and the anguish on his face is surely mirrored on yours, but when he follows it with, “let me take you home, let me take care of you,” you find it impossible to care.

You nod.

Everything is amber.

Eight months is a long time to go without the way Jeongguk kisses you: intentionally, demandingly, insatiably. He still tastes the same. Tastes like the first time you’d ever dared to kiss him, back at that party freshman year, tongue flavored with cheap liquor. Jeongguk tastes forbidden and feels like coming home.

You couldn’t say how you make it to Jeongguk’s apartment, but the way you stumble over the threshold feels familiar. The way the door is barely locked when Jeongguk crowds your space; picks you up, wraps your legs around his waist, presses you against it, hips moving on their own accord, rutting, all those little sounds spilling from his lips—everything is familiar. This is not just a practiced song and dance but something memorized. Something instinctual. You could be apart from Jeongguk for years instead of months and your body would still know what to do.

He carries you to his bedroom and you don’t think about who else has been between his sheets, because he puts you down so gently. Kisses your lips, your jaw, your neck—all gentle, powder-soft. Sounds like spring when you paw at the velvety cashmere of his sweater, pull it over his head, and he sighs. Feels like he’s breathing fresh life into something he shouldn’t, something long dead, but then you skim along his warm skin and your world is reduced to the way it feels like silk beneath your fingertips.

“I still love you,” Jeongguk whispers against your mouth, his inked fingers toying with the button on your jeans. Pops it open, pulls the denim down your thighs. Doesn’t bother pulling them off, only goes as far as your knees. And it’s uncomfortable, the way it’s bunched there, but the way Jeongguk says, “Fuck, missed you so much,” is so sweet.

Everything happens too fast.

Jeongguk leaves your shirt on. Drags it up and over your breasts and kisses at the newly-exposed skin. Sinks his teeth in, lets it hurt for a second before he laves over the marks. Settles between your legs and coaxes an orgasm out of you with his mouth and his fingers. Speaks his praise into the juncture of your thigh, breathless as he touches himself, strokes his cock with the wetness lingering on his fingers. Looks so, so pretty when he sits back on his haunches and says, “Just wanna look at you,” and makes it sound wistful and longing.

Makes it sound like it means something.

He’s still touching himself, still slicking himself up. There’s a split second where he goes to move and thinks better of it. Looks to the side before looking back at you. The storm kicks up again. “Have—” he begins before he swallows thickly. Dares to look hopeful, even through the squall. “Have you been with anyone else? Since…?”

You haven’t. Tried to, once—another stupid party, more cheap liquor passed to your mouth from someone else’s, but it hadn’t gone anywhere. They hadn’t tasted like Jeongguk; hadn’t felt the same. Two puzzle pieces that fit together all wrong.

Jeongguk has, though. Something you’d heard from a friend of a friend that you weren’t meant to. They’d called it a rebound, and it had bloomed so many ugly thoughts in your head. Five months had passed. Jeongguk was fucking someone else in his bed while you were in yours, torturing yourself over whether or not to tell him happy birthday. Whether it was allowed to or not, it’d stung.

(You had. You’d reworded the text a million times, plucked up all the courage you could find before you sent it. It’d gone unanswered, just like you expected it would, and you thought it was because Jeongguk didn’t want to talk to you. Thought you were digging your fingers into wounds that had yet to heal, so it’d stung but you understood.

But Jeongguk hadn’t answered because he was fucking someone else. Had someone else’s taste on his tongue; was panting someone else’s name into the dark. The embarrassment had been the worst part.)

Still does, if you’re being honest with yourself, so you lie. “I—yeah,” you answer. “Just one.”

Looks like it stings Jeongguk, too. “Right,” he responds, blinking back tears, and he’s got a lot of nerve, you think. “Yeah, okay, I’ll just—a condom. Are you…”

“Jeongguk—”

“Are you sure? Maybe this isn’t…” He huffs. Drops the condom on the bed, hangs his head. “What are we doing?”

You stare up at the ceiling. Nothing up there but the swirls in the plaster. “I don’t know,” you admit. “Hurting each other, probably.”

Jeongguk walks his fingers down your thigh. Grips at your skin, wants it to bruise. Wants you to have something to remember him by come morning. “Sometimes I’m really mad at you, you know?”

“Yeah, trust me, I know.”

He nods. Refuses to look you in the eye now that you’re watching him. “I still love you so fucking much and I’m still so angry. What am I supposed to do with that? What am I… fuck, I thought I was over it. I thought I’d see you and not feel a fucking thing.” There’s fresh ink on the back of his left hand. You hadn’t noticed it earlier, but you notice it now, when he runs his hands down his face.

You also notice the way the atmosphere shifts, the split second in which his heartache bleeds into something else—resolve, maybe. Obstinacy. Like he knows how this is going to end and he’s going to do it anyway. He’s going to find the most painful part and press on it, dig his fingers in, and it’s just an inevitable, foregone thing. Something he can prevent and something he’s choosing not to.

“You fucked someone else,” he sneers. Rips the foil open with his teeth, flashing too white in the dark of his bedroom. Rolls the condom on like it’s an inconvenience. Like you’re an inconvenience. “Was it good? Was it worth it?”

You roll your eyes. Feel the way your breath catches in your throat, because you’re not going to cry. Jeongguk fucked someone else and is vilifying you and it’s hypocritical and ugly and unfair, but you’re not going to cry over it. You’re going to press the gas pedal as far as it can go, say, “Yeah, it was,” and find some wicked delight in the way his eyes squeeze shut, as if it can spare him from the pain.

The two of you used to love each other. Jeongguk used to smile down at you when you were naked beneath him like this. Used to lean in close and whisper that he loved you just as he pushed inside even though you knew, you could feel it in everything he did. Now, there’s no smile. Now, he leans down and spits on your pussy and pushes inside and doesn’t tell you a goddamn thing.

Not with words, anyway.

Because the way he fucks you says it all. Impersonal, desperate, bitter. He grips your hips and fucks into you frenzied and fast. Takes your hand and puts it on your clit and tells you to get yourself off. An inconvenience. Tells you he misses your tight cunt, tells you he misses the way it milks his cock, tells you he misses watching the way you come undone underneath him, but he doesn’t tell you he misses you.

There’s a moment, just after he spills into the condom and stays inside, just catching his breath, when you think he might say it. Might tell you he loves you around the lump in his throat, might apologize, might ask if you two can’t figure it out.

There’s only a moment.

Jeongguk doesn’t say anything. Lets the moment pass. Pulls out and ties off the condom and wordlessly gets up to throw it away. It’s the silence that pisses you off. The disregard. Jeongguk hates you for something you’d lied about doing that he’d done for real, so you can be wordless, too. You can treat him like an inconvenient, cheap fuck, too. You can get up and find your clothes and pull them on and let him watch, words biting at the back of his teeth, and you can tell yourself to feel nothing.

You can say, “You’ve got a lot of fucking nerve,” and not shy away from the resentment in your voice, because it’s properly placed. “You fucked someone else, too, so you’ve got a lot of fucking nerve, Jeongguk.”

Eight months is a long time to miss someone, to play at daydreams. To think of all the things you want to say, the things you’ll do. In not one of them did you think about this: you, fully dressed and stinking of sex, saying, “It’s late. I’ll show myself out.”

Jeongguk, tears glistening on his cheeks, saying, “No, let me—baby, I’m sorry, please—I’ll drive you.”

A shake of your head. Jeongguk doesn’t push it.

Roll credits.

[ the second. ] Jimin wants to talk your ear off about it—the girl you’re seeing.

It’s new and there isn’t much to say. You tell him the two of you met at one of the student showcases put on by the art department and leave off the part about all of Jeongguk’s old friends being there, that he would’ve participated, too, if he hadn’t dropped out after you broke his heart. Leave off the part where you would’ve been there to support him instead, in another life. Leave off the part where it’d just been morbid curiosity: you, not an art student, wandering those halls to see if Jeongguk’s photographs were still framed on the wall.

“Is she nice?” Jimin asks, head nearly knocking into yours as someone shoves by him. “Fucking asshole.”

You nod. “Why would I date someone that wasn’t nice?”

Jimin, perpetually unbothered until he decidedly isn’t, sends you a look that he hides behind the rim of his cup. “Because you’re in your self-destruction era and aren’t thinking clearly.”

“The fuck does that mean?”

“Exactly what I said. You know I’m happy if you’re happy, but…” He pauses as he trails off. Tries to wrap his words in something delicate. “It’s pretty clear you still aren’t over it. That’s all.”

You snort. “That’s all?” you repeat, like it’s some small thing. Like it’s normal and fine.

“I’m sure it’s easier to pretend when the two of you are thousands of miles apart,” Jimin amends, and he must see how you bristle, stung by the callout, because his eyes soften. “Tell me about her.”

She’s beautiful and kind and smart. Smokes clove cigarettes and the smell is always clinging to her skin. You know how to make her come but don’t know what she’s majoring in—fashion, you think, because she’s always holding fabric swatches against your skin. Tells you what suits you and what doesn’t. Tells you which textures don’t work, what’s too warm, and she doesn’t need to tell you what’s too cold because you already know it’s you.

She’s beautiful and kind and smart and has no idea you’re still in love with someone else.

But you can’t tell Jimin that, can you? Can’t tell him about how she’d dragged you to a private corner in the gallery and kissed you breathless; the way she made you come on her fingers; the way Jeongguk’s name nearly slipped out of your mouth as you shook. Can’t tell him that she’s got arms full of art. Delicate patchwork; nothing like the harsh, bold colors inked into Jeongguk’s skin, but it feels the same to trace the lines.

You can’t tell him much of anything, so what you settle on is, “She’s nice—good for me,” and it doesn’t sound convincing to either of you.

Jimin doesn’t call you on it, though. Not again. Instead, he keeps his gaze steady, staring into the fire, the flames dancing wildly when you meet his eye. “You need to be careful,” he says. “You’re going to hurt her, too. Maybe worse than you hurt him.”

“Jimin—”

“Just be careful,” he reiterates, and all you can do is nod. What else is there to do besides wait for the inevitable crash and burn?

And it’s a little unfair, you think, that Taehyung grows older every single year. A little unfair that guilt won’t let you decline the invitations. A little unfair that you can still pick Jeongguk’s laughter out of a crowd. A little unfair that these hometown friends-turned-acquaintances still throw sideways glances whenever someone else touches him, as if he still has someone to answer to; as if they’re expecting something.

An hour. You’ve survived an hour longer than you did last year, and it’s not much but you’re still proud of yourself. You’ve had a drink, talked to someone other than Jimin. Managed to ignore the way Jeongguk is ignoring you; the way he immediately leaves a room as soon as you enter.  Maybe it’s better like this, you reckon. Maybe it’s what you need.

An hour is long enough. Jimin doesn’t comment on the way your bones crack when you stand to leave. No one needs a reminder of growing older. He doesn’t ask if you’ll be okay, either; if you need a ride home. Instead, he stays quiet as he studies you, clearly wondering if lightning strikes twice. If you’re going to be able to walk past Jeongguk and out the door without making another mistake.

You can at least make it across Taehyung’s sprawling yard and to the house. You can dodge the sweat-slick bodies and the girls sitting in laps. You can toss your empty cup in an overflowing trash can. You can pretend the eyes on your back are well-intentioned.

You can make it to the bathroom.

Annoying, the way your phone has been vibrating all night only to disappoint you. Irrational. You scroll past the emoji-laden messages, the coy flirting, because they’re from the person you’re actually dating—the person you told you were going to sleep early—and not from Jeongguk. You should feel guilty. You should feel guilty, but the face staring back at you in the mirror doesn’t look guilty at all.

She looks tired. A little beat-down, but that’s life.

Maybe that’s just what happens when you’ve spent the last two years of your life chasing after ghosts.

A knock at the door startles you. Sends your phone tumbling to the floor, screen probably cracked to hell, and you swear under your breath. “Just a minute!” you call out, a little stunned from how threadbare you feel all of a sudden.

Still, the knocking continues, and you’re on your knees on this bathroom floor and all you want to do is cry. You don’t want to be on this floor in this house. You don’t want to keep putting in the effort of maintaining the facades of all these friendships. You don’t want to keep coming back to this town, don’t want to keep being confronted with the harsh reality of all your mistakes.

“Just a fucking min—”

The words die on your tongue, because there Jeongguk stands, all the air in your lungs dissipating at the amount of space he takes up. Even worse when he steps inside and locks the door behind him. You feel like you’re going to drown. You feel like you’re going to scream or cry or both, and you’re still on the floor, still on your knees, and it feels too much like penance when you look up at him. Feels like you’re groveling, praying for forgiveness.

You stand quickly, ignoring the rush of blood to your head, the way your legs tingle. Jeongguk still hasn’t said a word, doesn’t seem like that’s going to change, either, and it’s really all you can do to stay on your feet when everything in you is screaming to collapse.

Eventually, he says, “You’re seeing someone,” and it isn’t a question, not really, but it borders on one. It’s a question and a confirmation and somehow sounds a lot like he’s asking for permission for something.

“I—yeah.” You swallow. “It’s new.”

He hums. Steps a little closer. Leans against the sink. Darts out his tongue to swipe at his bottom lip before he tugs his lip ring between his teeth. “Yeah? Does he treat you well?”

“She,” you correct, and there’s a flash of something in his eyes. Surprise, maybe. Jeongguk, at one point, had known everything about you, but not this. “And yeah,” you add on, barely a whisper, “she does.”

Part of you feels embarrassed. Jeongguk had known everything about you but not this, and you shouldn’t feel embarrassed or guilty but it still sits there in the middle of your chest. Feels like you’ve been keeping secrets. Feels like shame, even though you aren’t ashamed. Feels like you’re awaiting judgment. But the surprise in Jeongguk’s eyes disappears and something else settles in its place—uncertainty, if you had to guess.

“Are you happy with her?”

You shrug. “Like I said, it’s new.”

And Jeongguk is as emulous as ever, because he asks, “Does it feel like what we had?” and you already know the answer is no.

“I’m not sure anything will.”

It’s honest; you hadn’t said it to appease him, but he looks pleased anyway. You’re starting to understand why so many people write about their first love. Why it’s such a powerful role to fill. Because you and Jeongguk are standing in a bathroom behind a locked door, feet apart from one another, and you think, I don’t think there’s anyone I will ever love more than him even though it’s been two years. You think, I don’t think I’ll ever recover from this.

You think, I would try over and over and over again if he asked me to.

Later on, when you’re alone in your childhood bed and your face is streaked with tears, only your shame and guilt for company, you won’t be able to figure out who moved first, but one of you had.

Once upon a time, you had known everything about Jeongguk, too. You could recite his taste from memory, but it’s different this time. He licks into your mouth and it tastes like ash—nothing like the clove cigarettes your girlfriend smokes, but close enough that the parallel burns like acid in your throat. It’s close enough that you can keep your eyes shut and pretend again.

This time there’s no softness to be found. There’s just Jeongguk’s mouth pressed to yours, barely letting you breathe, not wanting anyone to hear. There’s just the sink digging into your back. Jeongguk’s hands gripping at your waist, pulling at the hem of your skirt. There’s the frustration and desperation of two people who love each other but will never, ever get it right.

There’s Jeongguk asking, as he spits into his hand and slicks you up, if you’re going to tell her.

There’s you, already too far gone, saying you don’t know.

There’s Jeongguk asking, as you’re clenching around him and dragging him with you to the edge, if you’d come back to him if he asked you to.

There’s you, already knowing the answer to this, too, saying you would.

But this isn’t that and Jeongguk doesn’t ask. When it’s over, he tosses the condom and does a half-assed job of helping you clean up and he doesn’t ask. He splashes water on his face and fixes his hair and he doesn’t ask. He tucks his cock back into his briefs and zips his jeans and he doesn’t ask.

Jeongguk has one hand on the doorknob and he doesn’t ask you to come back. Instead, he asks, “How long are you gonna keep doing this?”

For once, you don’t have an answer.

[ the third. ] You go even farther away for grad school.

You try to put more distance between you and Jeongguk, more distance between you and all the skeletons in your closet, but you just pack them up in different boxes and bring them with you.

You spend New Year’s Eve chain-smoking in your parents’ back yard—that same brand of clove cigarettes, because hearts are easy to break but some habits are not. Sometimes it’s a comfort to hurt yourself in the same way you hurt others, so you chain-smoke and you don’t go to to Taehyung’s birthday party because you weren’t invited and it doesn’t sting in the same way that it doesn’t sting that Jimin doesn’t call you once you’re home because he hasn’t spoken to you in a year.

The clock ticks down to midnight. Someone sets off fireworks. Absolutely nothing changes.

There are no half-baked resolutions. There’s no hope that this is going to be the year you get your shit together. There’s just you and the bed you’ve made for yourself; the autopilot you can’t—won’t—turn off, because you don’t know where you’re going anyway so you might as well just go wherever it’s taking you. There’s guilt and there’s shame and there’s baggage, but they’re all old friends. Those are old scars.

The sweatshirt you’re wearing doesn’t belong to you, and it does little to protect you from the bitter cold that bites at your skin. Jeongguk doesn’t belong to you, either, but he keeps coming back to you like he does.

“Mind if I sit down?”

You shrug, gesturing to the empty chair beside you. The small fire you’d built is down to its last embers, and it’s what you focus on, because you can’t focus on Jeongguk anymore.

“You weren’t at Tae’s.”

“Wasn’t invited.”

“Oh,” he breathes. “Sorry, I didn’t know. I would’ve—”

“It’s fine. I wouldn’t have gone anyway.”

He seems to hear what you don’t say. I wouldn’t have gone because I can’t be around you anymore. I wouldn’t have gone because I don’t trust myself with you. I wouldn’t have gone because I’ve burned down every good thing in my life trying to keep you. “Oh. Yeah, that—that makes sense.”

He’d texted you. Asked if he could see you. Just wanted to talk, and you’ve never cared much for symbolism, but nearing midnight on New Year’s Eve had seemed as good a time as any to let it go, so you’d said yes. Now, when there isn’t much to say, all of Jeongguk’s flimsy excuses are laid bare. Transparent.

“Was Jimin there?”

Jeongguk nods. “You didn’t know?”

You shake your head. Feels like it’s made of concrete. “No. We haven’t talked since last winter break.”

“Because of—”

How cruel, that you’d confessed to Jimin instead of the one person who deserved to know. “Yeah.”

“I’m sorry.”

You shrug again. “It’s okay. I don’t think it’s permanent, just until I can get my shit together, I guess. Wasn’t fair to drag him into my mess anyway.”

“It’s not that easy,” Jeongguk says, and it sounds like something he wants to be true. It sounds like something he’s said countless times in defense of himself. “We’d—I’d do it if I could.”

“Yeah,” you agree, “of course.”

Silence creeps up again, so you dig another cigarette out of the pack and offer one to Jeongguk that he waves away. “Cloves? That’s a weird choice.”

“Just something I picked up along the way.”

He hears you again: They’re what she used to smoke. It helps me heal to hurt myself with something that reminds me of her. Sometimes I chain-smoke clove cigarettes and I don’t wash the smell from my hands, my clothes, my hair, because it makes me feel less alone.

So he asks, “Was it real?”

“Doesn’t matter,” you answer, flicking the wheel of your lighter, words spoken around the cigarette stuck between your lips. “It never had a chance. Not a real one, anyway.”

“Do your parents know?”

“Know what? That I went away to college and started fucking women?” Jeongguk shrugs. Has the audacity to look embarrassed. “What are you trying to ask me? You wanna know if I keep coming back to you because I’m scared to come out to my parents?”

“No. I don’t know. I just—”

The laugh that escapes you is scorched and bitter. Sounds the way the tobacco tastes. “No, Jeongguk. I keep coming back to you because I keep hoping you’ll ask me to.” I keep hoping you still want me.

“I almost did,” he admits, and you can hear how he swallows around the lump in his throat. “The first time.”

“When you were a dick about me sleeping with someone else? Yeah, okay. You didn’t want me back, you just didn’t want me to be with anyone else.”

He huffs. “How the fuck do you know what I want? You’ve never bothered to ask.”

“Because it doesn’t matter,” comes your response, stilted and practiced. “It doesn’t matter what we want, because we’re just going to keep hurting one another trying to get it right.” You suck in a breath, wipe furiously at the tears on your cheeks. “And we’re never going to.”

“You don’t know that.”

“Then ask.” Jeongguk startles, looks at you with wide eyes. “Ask me to come back for real, Jeongguk, and I will.”

A beat of silence.

Two, three, four.

Someone sets off another round of fireworks. A dog barks. It’s so cold that you can see Jeongguk’s breath each time he exhales, each time he breathes out instead of speaking. All the words he isn’t saying. And it’s exactly how you knew it would go, but it does nothing to tamp down the devastation in your chest.

You’d confessed your transgressions to Jimin and thought your silence to your ex-girlfriend was a gift, that it was sparing her the pain of what you’d done. Now you understand that someone’s silence can be the most vicious thing of all.

[ the last. ] Graduation looms. It’s the last winter break you’re spending at home.

Your therapist suspects you get your compartmentalism from your parents.

They don’t mention it. They see the stack of boxes and your bare bedroom walls and they don’t say a word about any of it. They watch you pack everything in your car and don’t offer to help. They process their grief silently, and when you can’t stand it anymore, you say, “I dated a woman my senior year of undergrad, you know.”

They don’t say anything to that, either, but it feels good to tell them. Feels a little like freedom and reclamation, like you can be who you are in front of others.

When you leave for good, you don’t want to repackage all those same skeletons.

So you meet Jimin for lunch and you take it in stride that everything is weird, that there’s nearly two years of silence to fill. You don’t ask for forgiveness and he doesn’t demand it of you, just asks if you’re doing better. “I’m doing the best I can,” you answer, and it’s human and honest enough that he accepts it with a warm smile.

Jeongguk is more difficult.

There’s no way to neatly box up that kind of baggage.

You’d intended to stop by his apartment to talk, tell him you aren’t coming back anymore. There’s nothing left here for you, you’d told him, and there was a flash of something. A there’s me, isn’t there? that had gone unsaid, destined for the same fate as a million other unspoken words between you.

Because there is him, but there’s also the way you’re desperately trying to claw back into something resembling normalcy. You’d lost yourself when you also lost Jeongguk, and you need to figure out who you are without him. You need to know who you are once you stop running and let your demons catch up with you. You need to hear what they have to say.

Maybe Jeongguk had said it best last year—“It’s not that easy. I’d do it if I could.”—because you’re nothing if not predictable and self-destructive.

You’re nothing if not naked and on your back beneath him, your fingers threaded through his hair as he rocks his hips into you, more tender than you deserve. His lips are ghosting along your skin and every press feels like a brand. Feels like he’s both making a mockery of you and declaring you ruined for anyone who might come after him. Feels like you’ll love him until you die.

(Some version of you must exist outside of Jeongguk’s grasp—outside of his orbit, his bed—but right now, as he twines your fingers together and pins them above your head, you can’t figure out who she might be.)

Eight months had been a long time to think of all the things you wanted to say, and four years is worse. Four years, and you still can’t bring yourself to ask him to try again, but there’s nothing after this, nothing to lose, so your voice is hoarse and raw when you say, “Jeongguk,” and he groans a little, nips at the column of your throat because he loves the way you say his name. “Jeongguk,” you repeat, because he senses the urgency, hears what you aren’t saying.

“Yeah, baby, say it. Whatever it is, tell me.”

He rolls his hips faster. Before, he would’ve tried to prolong the ending, but he’s hurtling towards it now. There’s nothing after this, you know, but you need the confirmation. You need to finally put all of this to rest. “I want to—” His cock strokes someplace that whites out your vision. “Fuck, want to—want you to come with me.”

He laughs, full of himself, probably smirking out the side of his mouth. “Keep squeezing me like that and I will soon.”

“No,” you insist, shocked at the conviction in your voice, “when I leave. Come with me.”

Everything slows. Jeongguk pulls back, moves his hands to cover himself, and there’s nothing but cold confusion in his absence. “What?”

“I didn’t ask you before. Last year. I just—I left it up to you, and you’re right, I didn’t ask what you wanted, but I didn’t tell you what I wanted, either. But I’m telling you now. I’m asking—”

There was never going to be anything after this.

Jeongguk’s silence says it all.

The way he pulls out and rolls you onto your stomach. The way he fucks as fast and as hard as he can. The way he used to love you openly and honestly and now holds whatever’s left close to his chest like it’s something to be ashamed of.

Someone’s silence can always be the most vicious thing of all.

Roll credits.

thank you so much for reading, and an additional thank you in advance if you decide to reblog my work. as always, my inbox is always open for any feedback! ♡

[fictionalcharactergraveyard]

The gang + Shepards x traditional goth reader whom everyone thinks is a witch, and there are rumors about her

Ponyboy 

low-key thinks about you a lot

at first it’s pure curiosity 

then it turns into daydreaming 

and when he hears you’re a witch 

he’s like “…that’s hot.”

“what?”

“NOTHING.” 

ofc you 2 get paired up for a project 

You guys like some of the same books 

And stargazing 

And Pepsi 

After Darry and Sodapop find out about his crush they tease him and low key set you two up for a date 

it’s so fun 

You guys see a horror movie 

And when you get jumpy you cling to him 

And he does the same to you

And then you two share kisses 

All is fine until he gets home and finds out he has black lipstick marks all over his face

And gets “use protection” talk from Sodapop while Darry tries not to laugh (Soda doesn’t wanna become an uncle yet guys)

Johnny 

he’s in the lot and sees you walking 

He low key panic until you say hi

And he’s obsessed with your voice

You 2 end up talking a bit and you joke about how people think you’re a witch 

He says “I believe it.” 

“Yeah?” 

“I mean, how else can someone be so beautiful?” 

You fs paint his nails 

And play with his hair 

You each end up scaring each others bullies off 

You love kissing his scars

Dally 

Hits on you 

And when you get mad he just laughs 

“Whatcha gonna do? Curse me?”

“I might.” 

Then you walk away

He plays it cool

But he’s low-key like

“Wtf did they do-“

You two run into each other again at a party 

Buck threw and and your friends with his cousin 

He sees you and starts to flirt 

You flirt back bc why not

“Damn Dally, you going for the wicked witch now huh?” One of the guys there says 

Man almost got punched 

You found it hot 

Darry 

You found him very hot 

Daddy issues/j

Yet you didn’t want to flirt 

He fs has a partner 

Or so you thought

Man is STARING 

Loves how you look 

You catch him staring and he tries to recover 

Tries 

You “accidentally” bump into him 

And nearly fall in the process 

He grabs your waist and holds you

Omg he’s stronggg

You act start stammer and are like: “jfc he thinks I’m so stupid-“

And then he just asks you out 

Right then and there 

And you say yes 

🤭

Sodapop 

You go to the DX

And get some snacks 

Sodapop is like “huh, there’s that witch chick” 

And then when you check out and smile

It’s over 

He needs you NOW 

He needed you yesterday 

He gives you free things 

“I can pay-“

“No need. I don’t need to be jinxed now, do I?” 

You giggle 

Man has a goofy smile 

Yaps abt you sm oml 

Y’all are cute FR 

Two-Bit 

Says sm jokes 

Like omg

“Hey! Heading back to the cemetery?” 

“You got any voodoo dolls on ya?” 

“Did you drug me with a love potion, or am I just falling too fast?” 

You try not the laugh but you do

When you 2 kiss man is COVERED in black kiss marks

And doesn’t wash it 

“TwoBit clean it -“ 

“But how am I supposed to show Im under your spell?” 

You make a joke or two and he DIES 

Y’all are so sweet oml 

Steve 

You 2 meet in October 

“Ain’t it a little early for Halloween costumes?”

“Ain’t it a little early to wear Frankenstein masks?”

After a brief starting contest you 2 laugh and you get your slushie in peace

You go to a Halloween party and see him 

He’s not really dressed up

Youre a sexy vampire COUGH

You decide to join in ‘spin the bottle” 

And you land on Steve 

You guys kiss

And again 

And again 

Then you decide “fuck it” and head to his car to make out 

Tim

Man’s cat calling 

It’s an art to him at this point (thanks to dally)

You tell him to shove it

And he starts walking beside you 

“Ain’t your eyes supposed to glow when you’re mad?”

You just stare at him

Then you kick him in the nuts and run 

He gets mad respect for you after that 

Turns out you guys like the same songs 

You guys do (very bad) karaoke 

It’s fun 

Curly 

Met in detention 

You punched a chick 

He jumped a soc 

You guys started talking

And got on like a house on FIRE

It’s scary oml 

You two make out a lot

Pony wants to die 

Y’all PDA 

When he’s in reform you visit and send letters 

He tries to write letters back 

And make them as nice as yours 

He can’t tho 

Angela 

puppy crush FR 

She thinks your so cool

And pretty 

And when you ask her out she’s like

“I’m in heaven” 

After a threatening “conversation “ with Curly and Tim they’re fine with you hanging out 

You 2 do each others make up 

And go shopping together 

And scream to music 

<3 

[quotessharry]

Welcome to New York (DR3 one shot)

I am very keen on writing for Danny as you can see so here is it :D

Pairing: Daniel Ricciardo x original female character

Word count: 5803

warning: none

Synopsis: Daniel lands in New York for redbull's car launch and meets his best friend but the lines kept getting blurred

She impatiently paced the JFC airport, waiting for Daniel to show up. She missed him dearly, they haven’t seen each other since the Austin GP that she travelled for.

On the other hand Daniel’s heart was bursting out of his chest at the thought of seeing his best friend after months, he would’ve go to her much sooner if he didn’t intend to spend time in Australia as much as he did but they tried their best to keep in contact and it created a never ending cycle of Daniel calling her at midnight when it was only noon in Australia, then apologizing rapidly and saying he’d call another time but she knew he is calling to show her his talent in dirt bike or riding a horse and how could she deny the smile shinier than the sun behind him? They’d end up speaking until 2-3 AM and finally she’d excuse herself to get few hours of sleep before work.

She slapped his hand away from her shoulder and spoke “really Daniel? You see the greatest friend the world has gave you after months and this is how you treat her?”

She slapped his hand away from her shoulder and spoke “really Daniel? You see the greatest friend the world has gave you after months and this is how you treat her?”

He knew she wasn’t deeply offended “then what does the greatest friend the world has gave me, wants me to say to satisfy her?” He said with a laugh

“Oh I don’t know how about I’ve missed you so much and I can’t wait to spend time in your company?” She said, pretending she is thinking too deep.

Daniel laughed louder and pulled her into a tighter hug “I have missed you so much and I indeed can’t wait to spend time in your company, pun intended”

Her laugh was muffled by her face pressed against him, despite the fact that he hated cold he was always warm “no way I’m taking you to the company, it’s not bring your child to work day or something”

They started walking to take his bags as he talked “what? So you just gonna leave me unsupervised? That’s brutal”

Her hand slid down from gripping his arm to his wrist, fingers wrapped around his skin and she took him with her “come, we gonna be late for lunch”

They were finally in safety of the car from the rain and brutal wind, she settled back and waited for him to start the car, enjoying the warmth her hoodie and oversized coat was providing her.

“What are you waiting for, Daniel? Start the car” she said, after sitting there aimlessly.

Daniel pouted “you didn’t say it back”

She looked puzzled “say back what-? Oh I’m so sorry I thought it was pretty obvious how much I’ve missed you considering I drove all the way from Tribeca to Queens all by myself to see your pretty ass” she said the whole line pretty seriously.

Daniel was trying to hide the smile but failed and soon his face was adorned with his dimples “aw that’s why you’re the best” and he drove away. She told him the car is all his and he did use the opportunity, he played with the radio button until he found a channel playing those country western songs he loved and he made sure to sing along to every single one of them even though he just got off a 21 hour flight.

Both of them let out a sigh out of relief when they sat back on red leather sofa in restaurant, waiting for food to arrive. The rain was hitting the window and made them feel cozier in the space they were in. They didn’t know what to say so they just stared at each other, both feeling blessed that they got to stare at a beautiful human being in front of them. Daniel broke the silence, corner of his lips almost forming a smirk “so which hotel am I driving myself?” She yawned before replying “oh shut up you’re not staying in a hotel, I cleaned up a room for you. No way I’m letting you out of my sight”

That was her way of showing emotions and Daniel loved how indirect but genuine it always was, she would never bother to use pet names and sweet words but instead would do it with actions no matter how small or big.

“I mean we’re going to the same place at the end of the day aren’t we?” She said, shrugging her shoulders.

“What? You’ll be at car launch?”

“Yeah? They’re announcing me as new sponsor so I might as well come”

That’s how they met, she was an sponsor in his Redbull days and as he kept attending events they grew closer, they got close enough that she followed Daniel in every team he went and after a long circle they both ended up where they started.

Daniel had plenty of calls from Christian and Blake asking him to go to the hotel but he refused all of it, he didn’t want to mess up his stay with her after months. Staying with her felt warm and cozy, almost like he was back in his farm in Australia and he wouldn’t trade it with a repetitive hotel room with cold bed.

She unlocked the door and they both got in, Daniel headed for the windows to see the spectacular Tribeca view “rich lifestyle looks good on you” he teased, his face half facing her as he kept his eyes on the view of the skyline and the buildings ahead. She threw herself on the sofa, legs dangling above the floor so she wouldn’t get dirt on it, face hidden between the cushions as she spoke “rich lifestyle? Says the guy with 3 houses in three different continents, who owns 7 cars and got paid millions”

Daniel briefly turned his head to look at her, only to find her hidden in her extremely over sized winter clothes on the sofa with her head being the most obvious thing, his gaze was soon back to the view but he continued speaking “yeah need I remind you, you bought this house from Lewis for what, like $70 millions?”

With her head still buried, she showed him a middle finger “touché”

He saw her reaction through the reflection on the window and laughed, a loud genuine laugh that echoed through the empty house and made her feel better, it’s been a while since she heard him laughing as nice in her presence and she smiled to herself at the fact that he just seemed better and healthier. She left her spot and walked to him, slapping his ass to get his attention causing him to yelp “I didn’t know you have it bad for spanking”

“If i were you I’d be thankful I have it bad for spanking and not choking” she said, raising eyebrows and waited for him until the realization settled on his face “savage”

“I know Daniel, I know. Why don’t I show you your room and while you’re settling down I’ll think of dinner?” She offered, putting a hand on his lower back as she started guiding him to the elevator.

It was late, neither troubled themselves by checking the clock and they couldn’t careless. She carried two wine glasses and laid back on the bigger sofa, she heard footsteps on the stairs and soon Daniel came into the view with nothing but underwear and the burgundy silk robe she ordered for him with “DR3” sewed on its chest, he put two wine bottles on the table and filled both glasses, the sound of the glasses making contact broke the silence but neither said anything until she drank it, humming in approval “this is nice but I prefer my wine a bit more sour, this tastes a bit too sweet for me” she observed, and finished the glass nonetheless.

“So you wouldn’t mind if I take away both bottles?” Daniel teased and slurped his wine, eyes not leaving her figure. Even under the low lights it wasn’t too hard for him to notice her dark green sleepwear. Deep down he considered himself the luckiest for witnessing her sleeping on her back in nothing but a thin dark green silk that if the lights were on, he’d be seeing much more due to the sheer materia. He also knew he doesn’t need bright light to know she looks hella good in it and he’d have trouble to convince himself that he should be keeping his hands off from trying to get a small taste. He threw his tattooed leg over the other and didn’t take his eyes off her, it would be a crime to do it.

She held herself on her elbow and looked at him, frowning while actively tried to balance the wine glass so it wouldn’t spill on her flawless white sofa “what? No bitch those are mine they stay until one bottle is completely empty”

He laughed while taking more sips, cleaning his mouth with the back of his hand as his eyes tried to regain focus in darkness, god he missed her so much “whatever you say your highness, you know you can order more if you want right? You were there when we launched it for US” he made a valid point and pointed at the bottles on the table.

Her eyes briefly drifted to his thighs and the colored ink but she didn’t let it linger. She’d never admit it in a presence of another human being but it was her deepest desire to sit between his legs and get a close detailed look of the inks and ask him one by one what does every single one of them means, for now she’d settle with a view in the dark. She narrowed her eyes, hoping he’d see “now why would I do that when my best friend can get me a bottle filled with eternal love and friendship?”

Daniel didn’t bother to tie back his robe as it was loosen due to him constantly sinking deeper into the sofa “ just accept that you’re too stingy to pay”

She sat straight and poured herself another glass, before drinking she spared him a glance “sei incredibile” and gulped down the entire thing.

Daniel couldn’t say much but to laugh again at her.

The glass was filled again and she leaned back, letting her hair to fall on her bare shoulders “you know it’s nice”

“What is?” He asked innocently, Daniel knew the answer, he just wanted to hear her say it, he wanted something exclusive from her for himself to hold on to, something to let his mind to linger on when he had nothing to think about.

She laughed softly, shaking her head at him “you gonna make me say it, aren’t you?” and then she looked him as if the darkness had no effect on her eyes and she could see all of him, with a smile that he could see even if all the lights were off. He knew he’d do anything and everything to relive this moment over and over again.

She put the glass on the table and tangled her legs, her hand supporting her head “fine I will, it’s really nice to have you over here, satisfied?”

He smiled widely at her, the corner of his eyes crinkled “very, very satisfied”

He pointed at the loose robe “was the robe part of the plan? Be honest you just wanted to see all of this glory” he pointed at himself and his abs.

She was indeed enjoying the view, Daniel was one of the most good looking guy in her life, she had seen him all naked considering the multiple times they’ve shared a hotel room or went skinny dipping, but there was something in seeing him sitting in front of her, wine glass in his hand and a teasing smile on those perfect lips while half of his tattoo was hidden by his underwear and he sculpted body was only visible cause the robe was loose, it kept her guessing and asking for more but only in her mind.

“I could only hope you’re enjoying all of this glory as well” she threw back his line at him, the wine in her system making her not to care how much she’d flirt.

He sipped more of his wine, it felt good to finally drink in a presence of someone he deeply craved, and he wasn’t committed to the sport before so alcohol couldn’t really hurt. Through the low light he could see the perfect skin of her legs and hands, bare shoulders hidden underneath an army of long hair, no trace of makeup could be seen on her face, he knew she only appears like that in front of him and him only. She’d never say it loud but he also knew it’s because she feels a deep insecurity towards her face even though he would definitely say she is the most beautiful woman his eyes had the pleasure of seeing, he tilted his head to the side and kept looking at her “you” he said, laughing silently.

“Me?” She asked, slightly confused by his one word statement.

He laid his head on the sofa and blinked, the wine starting to make its affect obvious “yes, you. Just you. I don’t think anything else can do you justice”

It was only then that he noticed something else, wine wasn’t the drink she’d go to when the purpose was getting drunk, unless she wanted to stay drunk more than usual, the empty wine bottle makes his suspicious even more evident and he started to think something was wrong that she was actively ignoring.

“I think I’m going to bed now, sleep well Daniel” she said, before he gets the chance to ask something.

He rubbed his eyes and blinked rapidly “hey, hey wait” he called out before she gets into the elevator.

She stopped in her truck and turned around, watching him taking long steps towards her. He stopped and looked her down, eyes searching to see if he can find anything in those icy blue eyes, his hands resting on his sides. He subconsciously brought up his hand to put it on her face but changed his mind the last minute and pulled back, closing his fist. She didn’t miss any of this, her eyes fixed on his hand “you know, I don’t bite. Not you at least” she murmured, gulping loudly.

He stepped closer, his knuckles ghosting over her cheek “are you well?”

It was a simple question but with no simple answer for her, she blinked up at him, placing her hand on his bicep “I’m ok Danny”

He placed the palm of his hand on her face, she already loved the warmth and softness it gave her and she leaned into the touch much to his surprise. He traced the skin with her thumb and his face dropped lower, he noticed the strap of her nightgown fell and he reached with two fingers grabbing the strap and dragging it back on her shoulder, his fingers leaving goosebumps behind, he talked quietly “but I can tell something is wrong, it’s me, I’m not an stranger” he dared himself and put his other hand on her waist while dragging the hand resting on her cheek to her neck. She closed her eyes to fully enjoy his touch and long finger, letting herself to get lost in the warmth. Her reaction made him ballsy and he pulled her closer, his hand running up and down her side, feeling her hot skin through her nightgown. She hummed in response and didn’t move, not wanting the moment to end.

His hand moved from the side of her neck to grip the back of her head, his fingers digging into the muscle and kneading it, giving her a much needed release, he moved his hand higher and tangled her hair, she immediately leaned back into the touch. The sound that left her mouth hits him too hard and his grip tightened, he leaned down and pressed his forehead against her, closing his eyes to enjoy their closeness “talk to me, please, I’m worried about you”

She smiled at his words, it’s been a long time since someone has said words like that to her, the sweetness and feelings behind those words had her stomach dropping and tears gathering at the corner of her eyes, she put her hand on his face, feeling the roughness of his beard, his actions had her heart racing like crazy.

She nuzzled her nose to him “this is all about you, my issues doesn’t matter. I’m...I’m fine” she tried so hard to keep her voice steady but failed miserably. His eyes opened immediately at her broken voice and he decided not to push it more. They both looked at each other, his heart shattered in his chest at the sight of her blue eyes filled with tears. In all the years of their friendship he has never seen her as broken as now, not even when he was having the shittiest day ever she was the one who held him, made jokes and played music to lift him up. She accepted the hug with no hesitation, her hands wrapped around him as tight as she could and hands gripping the soft material of his robe harshly, her face hiding in his neck.

He softly kissed her cheek and wrapped his arms securely around her, keeping her as close as possible and felt her rapid heartbeat.

“It’s ok, you can let it go, I’m here” he murmured to her as softly as possible.

She felt like she has kept it all inside for too long and she finally had the chance to let it all go.

In that moment Daniel would do anything for her to stop sobbing uncontrollably, the sound of her was so heartbreaking for him to endure. He just stood there and held her in his arms, rubbing her back and saying he is always there for her and it’s ok while leaving small kisses wherever he could reach. They don’t know how long they stood there and she cried in his arms, he only let go when her body stopped shaking and he no longer could hear her heart wrenching sobs.

She looked up at him with teary eyes and wet face, his thumb wiped away the tears and both smiled at each other.

“Come, let’s wash your face and tuck you in” he said with a smiling face, booping her nose and throwing his hand over her shoulder as she smiled sheepishly.

The pair only got a good look at each other when he flicked the light on. They both stood in front of the mirror and she stared at their reflection, taking in how good they looked and more importantly how much healthier and happier Daniel was and it warmed her heart.

He moved behind her and gathered her hair, humming a song under his breath.

“You look good” she said, smiling at him.

He peaked from behind her “aw thanks, you look good too”

“This is going to look so weird but a man gotta do what he gotta do” he said before wrapping her entire hair around his fist causing her to laugh loud.

“I didn’t know you’re into that” she didn’t get the chance to say anything else as he pushed her head down by his fist and splashed cold water on her face.

“Oh you were saying?” He said staring at her wet face, she looked like a fish.

“Literally fuck you Daniel that was cold” she gritted between her teeth and grabbed the towel. “I know, but don’t you feel better already?” He tried to make a point.

“I’d much prefer warm water in winter” she opened a cabinet, grabbing hand cream and lip balm.

Daniel tried to be a good friend and not to stare at her when she stood in front of him, wearing the thinnest material of sleep gown she could find not to mention how well the color looked on her skin, he could swore if his eyes goes down lower than her neck, the things he would see gonna keep him all night with his hand dipped in his underwear.

He stood in front of her, his hands keeping her face straight so he could look at her “seriously, how are we feeling? And don’t tell me fine”

“I’m better now, satisfied?” She said, not wanting to look away from his handsome face.

He left a kiss on her forehead, lingering his lips before speaking “that’s good to know”

She reached and grabbed the lip balm, opening the tube and applying some to her fingertips “don’t you moisturize those pretty lips of yours Danny?”

The sentence made his brain glitch, and a blush made it’s way on his sun kissed cheeks, the thought that she found his lips pretty danced in his mind ruthlessly.

She laughed at his face as she touched his cheek “Danny? Oh my god, did I just make the great Daniel Ricciardo blush? What a day to be alive”

“Oh shut up you, you don’t see me making comments about you in this thing you’re wearing, what are you gonna do anyway” he scolded her, arms folded in front of his chest.

She raised her eyebrows, challenging him with the ice in her eyes “maybe you should” She stepped closer “stay still”

“What? No”

“Why no?”

“I’m a grown man I can apply my own lip balm”

“If you could, your lips wouldn’t look like you just escaped Sahara desert, it’s midnight cmon it’s just a lip balm it won’t hurt your fragile masculinity” this time she scolded him.

Daniel didn’t know how he was gonna get through her touching his lips but he shook his head as yes. She stood on her tiptoes and ran her finger on his chapped lips, he just stood there and reveled in her soft finger touching his lips ever so delicately.

“Look it’s over, you can go to sleep now”

“Yeah let’s tuck you in first”

He wasn’t joking about tucking her in, he helped her to get on bed, pulled the blanket over her body and made her promise if she ever felt like she isn’t ok in the middle of the night, she’d go to his room without a second thought.

Daniel was never happier about seeing a bed and being alone in a bedroom as much as he was in that moment. How was he supposed to get over tonight?

Her head was comfortably between two pillows and she was enjoying the warmth of the blanket until her phone ranged under her pillow, she whined and reached her hand to pick the phone, answering it with closed eyes “what the fuck do you want so early in the morning?”

“Early? Girl it’s 10 am and you were supposed to be here 2 hours ago” a male voice who belonged to her assistant spoke

She face palmed herself “what? Oh god sorry I was a bit wine drunk last night and-“

“And you forgot to tell me you won’t be coming in today cause you have guest over” he finished the sentence for her

“Well yes” she admitted

“I figured, enjoy your day and tomorrow, and weekend. I wouldn’t say no if you decide to show up though” he said, while laughing

“You dick, figure it out yourself, I don’t know forge my signature” she suggested

“That’s what I’ve been doing but I feel better now knowing you allow it, enjoy” and the line went quiet.

She got out of the bed, not caring enough about bed hair and went down stairs.

Daniel was in the hall, still in his underwear and a big box in front of him, he turned to her with his usual smile “hello pretty, good morning, slept well?”

She blinked multiple times at the pet name but brushed it off fast “morning, what’s that?”

He happily brought out a dark blue RedBull shirt “2023 team kit, I gave your address and it came in this morning”

She made her way to the kitchen to make breakfast “that’s why you’re standing naked in my hall at 10 am?” She threw him a look, letting her eyes enjoy the glory in front of her.

“Naked? You plan all of this to get me naked?” His hand teasingly moved to his underwear waistband and grabbed it with his two fingers, carefully sliding one side down and showing his hip bone.

She just watched with dry mouth and heart rate so loud she could hear it in her ear.

She opened her mouth to speak but the silence was broken by her Apple Watch giving high heart rate notifications, she slammed her hand over the watch trying to shut the alarm and screamed “fuck fuck fuck”

Daniel watched it all with an amusement in his eyes and a knowing smirk telling her it’s useless to try and make any excuses “I assume if I proceeded with the rest you’d have a cardiac arrest”

She silenced the watch and looked at him, not knowing what to do or say and went back to the breakfast.

She put the plates on the table “it’s too hot now, let it cool down then we can eat together” and made her way into the hall, standing next to him and peaking into the box.

Daniel didn’t miss the chance to enjoy the close approximate, she ruffled through the box and picked a hat. He breathed deep, she smelled natural without any odor, his eyes followed the lines on her neck and it stopped on her shoulder, watching the way the green strap fell from her shoulder. She took away her eyes from the box and glanced at the strap, then at his face, he felt her eyes on him but didn’t stop looking at the shoulder.

“What’s stopping you?” She commented, hinting last night.

He put his hand on her wrist, fingers dragging on her soft skin, he felt like he was dancing around something but didn’t stop until he felt the silk. He hooked his finger on the strap and made sure to tease a little before pulling it up “I really should buy you some new ones” he commented.

She let out a breath she kept and hoped to god it was not obvious, secretly wishing her watch wouldn’t make another fuss “come on, the pancakes are getting cold”

He bullied her into sitting on the chair, creating the scene in movies where someone would constantly change clothes and another one would give opinions sitting on a chair. Daniel was fresh out of the shower, hair sticking to his head and water dripping as he held two pairs of suits for his appearance on tonight’s show. One was the typical black tux and the other one was a green suit with a simple white buttoned up shirt.

She looked at both pairs thoughtfully, and pointed to the green one quietly.

“Fantastico madam, enchanté” he bowed.

“So you gonna watch me get naked and dress up or-?” He mentioned her presence in his room, then it strikes him that there’s a walk in closet “ok you know what, never mind”

He went inside and she waited, but not too long after he ran out, shirt undone and green pants on “I’m gonna look like an olive, let’s do the classic black one please”

She smiled and walked to him, smoothing the shirt with her hands “you will not look like an olive, now let me handle the rest” next she started to button up the shirt, her roaming eyes not missing the custom made 3 necklace she got him from his favorite designer matched with a chain but she kept the comment to herself.

He looked at her, holding back the urge to kiss her lips. He leaned down, lips hovering over her cheeks and he left a peck, causing her to look at look up at him with a smile.

Soon, he was fully ready and he looked as delicious as an olive. Lucious curls wild around his head that made her wanna run her hands through it and play with curls while comfortably sitting on his thighs but she put the idea behind “I might rent an ambulance and send it behind you cause all the ladies gonna swoon and drool” she complimented him, taking his hand so he can spin.

Currently they were running around the house trying to make it on time to the launch.

“I don’t understand why a car launch must be so early in the morning, what was wrong with 3 pm or something” she whined, untangling her hair cause she didn’t like the brain.

Daniel hurriedly slipped into a Redbull shirt “yeah I’ll make sure to bring that to Christian’s attention” the truth was they both overslept.

“Come on we should go, Max arrived at 7 AM” Daniel noted, already at the door waiting for her

“For christ’s sake he is just a fan boy, I love my sleep” she picked her bag “ok choose a car”

“Choose? It doesn’t matter we should go” Daniel urged her to pick one

“Daniel no this is important, we can pick something with driver like a Cadillac, something classic like Mustang or shelby cobra, or we can just get a good old BMW” she thoughtfully gave him a speech, but he reached and picked the BMW keys, both finally heading out.

She mostly stood backstage, watching Daniel jumping around and smiling so hard that his jaw must be hurting. She had no way to explain how good it felt to see him happy instead of pain and misery, a feeling settled at the pit of her stomach anytime she’d glance and see his smile reaching his eyes.

He walked backstage, quietly laughing to himself, he felt like he can’t contain himself due to how well he felt. He stood in front of her but neither said a word.

She placed her hands on his cheeks, feeling the stubbles, alooking at him smiling with bright eyes. She didn’t think twice, she stood on her tiptoes and pecked his lips, it was a light kiss just for the sake of feeling something.

She blinked “nah that wasn’t enough” this time she did it more delicately, making sure their lips are completely connecting. His lips tasted like the Redbull they had before the show.

He embraced the kiss wholeheartedly, a moan left her throat but neither broke the kiss, he saw an opening and his tongue entered her mouth, exploring every corner, lips nipping and biting shamelessly. He enjoyed every second of their lips connected but they finally separated. Neither truly wanted to end it, they stayed close and brushed their lips one last time, breathing each other’s air. She didn’t know why she did it but that was the best kiss she ever had.

Daniel dared to say he had never seen her as red as she was in that moment, lips swollen from kiss and he had to physically restrain himself from kissing her pretty lips again. but he knew it wasn’t the right moment to make a joke so he just pulled her into his chest, hugging her, she heard the loud thumping of his heart beating against his ribcage but didn’t make a comment about it.

“I kinda don’t know what to say right now” she said, confused.

He touched the back of her head, letting his hand to massage her scalp “you don’t have to say anything if you don’t want to”

Before she says anything else, he was called again on stage “we uh talk about it later?”

“Yes, if you want to” he smiled to show her that it’s all good.

After the kiss he didn’t expect her to hang around but she stood even when he had to record a podcast. She picked a chair and placed it behind the equipments, smiling and waving anytime he’d catch his eyes.

They were about to leave when Christian found them “we’re having a dinner at the hotel tonight, I’m expecting both of you, no excuses”

She gave him a salut “yes captain, roger that” and laughed.

“I really missed you two, see you at dinner”

They didn’t have time to go home and change so they went straight to the Hard Rock hotel. The restaurant only included Redbull staffs, between sea of people and tables it wasn’t hard to find the two remaining empty chairs for them.

Daniel being the gentleman, pulled back the chair until she was settled in, his act cause the table to clap and cheer his name, Max slapped his back “nice one mate”.

Drinks were put in front of them and soon both flew in the conversation as if they were part of the family and no one made them feel otherwise.

It was close to midnight when she excused herself and went outside for a smoke, getting a fresh air have never felt better.

“I thought you quit” Daniel’s voice said from behind her.

“I thought I did too but don’t knock it till you’ve tried it boy” she teased, poking the cigarette. He threw his arm around her, tucking her in his embrace and resting his head on her hair “are we ok, Danny?” She asked, trying to get herself closer to his heat.

“Why wouldn’t we be?” He asked, playing it cool.

“Well you know, the kiss and stuffs”

He left a kiss on her temple, rubbing her hands to warm her “yes of course we are”

“It was such a damn good kiss though wasn’t it?” She scoffed

“Now that you brought it up, I can’t be opposed to that”

“We should do it more often”

“Now that you brought this up, I absolutely can’t be opposed to that, and next time I'm making it nasty.

I loved this one so much! Now I’m stuck if I should do another chapter and make it smutty or just leave it at that?

[jennifersminds]

bestie what Lana Del Rey songs fit tvd characters or just tvd to you?

my bestie, my love, thank you so much for this ask !!!

as someone who's endlessly obnoxious about both tvd and lana del rey this is quite literally a dream come true so-,

SONGS FITTING TVD AS WHOLE

Video Games

"It's you, it's you, it's all for you. Everything I do, I tell you all the time"

tvd at it's core is about people doing unjustifiable things for 'love'. Whether i choose to read some relationships as more of a predatory obsession, the crux of this show is damaged grieving people sacrificing and further damaging themselves and others in the pursuit of it, see the mikaelsons with eachother and the salvatore's with Elena and Elena with basically everyone. And I've always read Video Games as both one of the most beautiful love songs of all time but also as an acknowledgment of codependence and lost potential. The song romanticises monotony and mundane life, which is fair. but there's a touch of melancholy beneath the surface of picture perfect normalcy. much like tvd itself.

Love

Look at you kids with your vintage music Comin' through satellites while cruisin' You're part of the past, but now you're the future Signals crossing can get confusing

...

Look at you kids, you know you're the coolest The world is yours and you can't refuse it Seen so much, you could get the blues But that don't mean that you should abuse it

following that theme,

"part of the past but now you're the future," Could refer to any of the vampire's in the show but I personally love it when thinking of Elena and the doppelganger's before her. In the background of all of history but with an endless future before her. "You could get the blues, But that don't mean that you should abuse it," EVERY FKN KID ON THAT SHOW. And yes I mean kid, the MF gang were children. And they did, in fact, get the blues and abuse it.

ELENA

Norman Fucking Rockwell

"you're just a man, it's just what you do, you're head in your hands as you colour me blue."

Anyone who's read my endless rambling before knows where I'm going with this but, jfc the salvatore's !!! Both Stefan and Damon (and canon as a whole but wtv) view their mistreatment of Elena as something unavoidable. Following the theme of horrific acts in the name of love from earlier, Stefan didn't have a choice in entering Elena's life. To him, it was his right, his purpose. (he had to know her).

Despite Elena being a grieving child who did not need any more bullshit in her life. He had too. And when that later caused even further turmoil, both from his own actions and indirect, unintended consequences. He metaphorically put his head in his hands, it wasn't just her suffering but him. In fact, if he really thought about it, later in canon, that is. It was almost equally her fault what happened. From his POV atleast.

Damon basically follows all the same beats but is more open about it, bemoaning his own lost chances with Elena as something completely disconnected to his very purposeful and avoidable choices to cause her pain. He's impulsive, it's not his fault.

"Goddamn, man child You act like a kid even though you stand six foot two"

Damon could only dream of being 6'2 but you get it.

Pretty When You Cry

"I'll wait for you, babe, you don't come through, babe You never do, babe, that's just what you do"

For one, she is very pretty when she cries, and two, see above.

ELIJAH (essentially every 'she fucked that old man' song in ldr's discography)

Million Dollar Man

"Someone as dangerous, tainted and flawed as you,"

"You're screwed up and brilliant Look like a million dollar man So why is my heart broke?"

He is screwed up and brilliant and he does break my heart.

BONNIE

Season of the Witch

Obviously, like... (also Davina, I never talk about her but that's my girl)

Pretty When You Cry

"I'll wait for you, babe, you don't come through, babe You never do, babe, that's just what you do"

Similarly too Elena, she's also pretty but the thesis of Bonnie's character is unfortunately being let down by the people around her. If tvd hadn't had jplec as a showrunner we probably would've gotten some proper character arc about that before season eight but...

ELEJAH

Cinnamon Girl

"There's things I wanna say to you But I'll just let you live Like if you hold me without hurting me You'll be the first who ever did"

kill me. literally fucking kill me like it's them fr.

BEKLENA

Doin' Time (yes it's a cover but Lana owns it tbf)

"Me and my girl, we got this relationship I love her so bad, but she treats me like shit"

The toxic girlfriends I deserved but wtv.

"I'd like to hold her head underwater"

Because she drowned her.

REBEKAH

Old Money

"But if you send for me, you know I'll come And if you call for me, you know I'll run I'll run to you, I'll run to you I'll run, run, run I'll come to you, I'll come to you"

Stuck in an endless cycle of finding freedom and falling back to help Klaus when he needs it.

"The power of youth is on my mind Sunsets, small town, I'm out of time Will you still love me when I shine From words but not from beauty My father's love was always strong My mother's glamour lives on and on Yet still inside, I felt alone For reasons unknown to me"

Never ending quest for humanity and mortality, her eventual fate of taking the cure. The loneliness of her thousand years etc

Honorable mentions for, Young and Beautiful (pretty much everyone's mortal x immortal ships anthem but specifically the Klarolines fuck with it so hard which I repect). Say Yes to Heaven, also works for literally every ship but it's always very Kolvina to me.

[crybabydraws]

I just listened to Hozier's album Unreal Unearth and I'm gonna explode. Holy shit what an amazing album and what an incredible artist. Here are my first impressions I got from each song.

De Selby (Part 1) - Very pretty. A beautiful song to start this album. A wonderful taste of what's to come

De Selby (Part2) - FUNKY! I'll be taking this and I will be listening to it on repeat til I'm sick of it or dead. Whichever comes first (probably death tbh).

First Time - Just a simple love song (I'm lying). It doesn't really speak to me on any kind of existential level (still lying).

Francesca - What a lovely sonG OH HOLY SHIT- (Also the ending portion of this song is heavenly, pun intended)

I, Carrion (Icarian) - I could only think about Crowley and Aziraphale when this song came on. It fits them SOOO well! Anyways, gorgeous song!

Eat Your Young - The sound of this song is so awesome and sexy for a song that uses a clever parallel to Chronos to keep the Greek mythology theme to make it about sacrificing the next generation for money and power. I live for it.

Damage Gets Done - Hozier and Brandi Carlile's voices are so pretty together. This song sounds like running through a flower filled field with someone you want to be buried next to.

Who we are - This song speaks for itself and what it has to say is beautiful and painful as shit. I love this song.

Son of Nyx - The animated masterpiece that I made in my head to this song was incredible.

All Things End - "If there was anyone to ever get through this life with their heart still intact, they didn't do it right." GODAMN SO TRUE! This song is so nice. Accepting that everything will end while still keeping hope that we'll begin again UGH! I LOVE IT!

To Someone From A Warm Climate (Uiscefhuaraithe) - Beautiful. Incredible. I'm speechless. I also cannot believe that word is pronounced that way.

Butchered Tongue - This reads to me like a poetic love letter to language, music, and to Hozier's hometown. It goes over his personal experience with growing up in his hometown and appreciating it even more as he experiences other places and recognizes even more how it has affected him. That's what I got at least. Lovely song ofc.

Anything But - If the previous song was about the love of things that make us human and connect us like language, this song is about the feeling of wanting to be anything but human or, better yet, nothing at all. So cool. I love this man.

Abstract (Psychopomp) - When I listened to this song for the first time, I didn't really pay attention to the lyrics. I still teared up. I still haven't really looked at the lyrics and I'm still emotional about it. I love music. I love life. I love that I get to experience this with my ears. I love that I can appreciate it and understand it. GOD THIS ALBUM IS SO GOOOOD!!!

Unknown/Nth - This song with a math reference in the title makes me lose my mind in the best way. "Do you know I could break beneath the weight of the goodness, love, I still carry for you that I'd walk so far just to take the injury of finally knowing you." That might just be the most emotional line I've ever heard in my life jfc.

First Light - The melodies he is singing in this song do something to me. I ascend every time that pre chorus/chorus comes in. LIKE DAMN, IF I BREATHED IN THIS SONG, I WOULD SEE INFINITY!

I need to study the lyrics of all of these songs in an academic manner soon. I could only dream of the artistry that Hozier achieved here. This album will probably change my life.

[fansong-tournament]

Round 1A.9

To The King

Fandom: Hollow Knight

Artist: TyKim

Propaganda: "Hollow Knight's lore is so sad jfc Hollow Knight's lore is so so so fucking sad. Also this song is beautiful and emotional and makes me want to scream in a good way." -submitter 1

"This has been on my "constantly listening to" playlist for over a year now, it's so good. I haven't seen a lot of fan songs for Hollow Knight, and this one really hits any fan of the game the moment they realize who (or what) is singing it", submitter 2

Set It On Fire

Fandom: Demon Slayer

Artist: Divide Music

No Propaganda Submitted

[isleofair]

Am I allowed to say Nathan and all of those questions?

(If not, Nathan and idk all the evens or odds.)

MWAHAHAHAHA THANK YOU SO MUCH LOVE 💙💙💙💙💙

(Apparently I do need an excuse to talk about Nathan? At least here? Tragic. Thank you for providing one 💖💖💖)

1. Why do you like or dislike this character?

Oh gosh. I don't just like her, I love her. 😍 She manages to be pretty much everything I'm not and yet she resonates with me so much?!? They initially look like they are one type of character, and then you get to see their layers, and each one is more beautiful and complex than the other? I want to hang out with her, I want to admire her from afar with dreamy/smitten eyes, I want her to be president of the world, I want to give her a happy, serene life forever.

2. Favorite canon thing about this character?

Her whole gender thing (talented, brilliant, incredible, amazing, show stopping, spectacular, never the same, totally unique, and all that), and also her kind, generous, thoughtful, sweet nature.

3. Least favorite canon thing about this character?

Definitely the way the authors had her act with Bison in S1. 😤

4. If you could put this character in any other media, be it a book, a movie, anything, what would you put them in?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

(Sorry, that's just what nicoroni and I do in half of our chats, lol)

I think the thing I would most want to put them in is... some kind of fantasy setting? Something like Ladyhawke, or... well, Fire Emblem! 😅

5. What's the first song that comes to mind when you think about them?

Oooh. I've used so many songs as accompaniment for fics about her and Keith, but I don't have one that immediately jumps to mind specifically for Nathan alone. Maybe Titanium?

6. What's something you have in common with this character?

... well, pink hair, now, lol. (And I guess some gender issues of some kind? Although mine are, like, tiny baby ones.)

7. What's something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you like?

Respecting their gender.

8. What's something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you despise?

Treating her as a caricature of herself, or as if The Rising didn't exist (which includes not respecting her gender). (Thankfully I almost never see this happening. ILU T&B fandom 💕)

9. Could you be roommates with this character?

I could, but I think I'd drive her nuts, I'm way too messy.

10. Could you be best friends with this character?

Gosh. Probably not best friends, because we don't have enough interests in common, but I think we could more generally be friends?

11. Would you date this character?

In a heartbeat, but they would not be interested in me for several reasons, so...

12. What's a headcanon you have for this character?

That her fire powers mean she's never cold; mostly based on her walking around half-naked in spring, or with thin mesh shirts under rather open jackets in winter, and also it just makes sense? Apparently the authors have stated somewhere that she's heat-proof (obviously), but also that Rose can cool down with her power, so Nathan probably also can warm up with hers (and just put on whatever she wants forever, lol)

13. What's an emoji, an emoticon and/or any symbol that reminds you of this character or you think the character would use a lot?

💖

14. Assign a fashion aesthetic to this character.

I don't think I need to; they definitely already have one (tight clothes, mesh, vinyl, high boots, glittery jackets, pink feathers... and the occasional bondage-style leather top JFC my poor heart 🥵)

15. What's your favorite ship for this character? (Doesn't matter if it's canon or not.)

FIRESKY FOREVER ❤️💜

16. What's your least favorite ship for this character?

I pray to everything that is holy that no one ever shipped her with any of the other girl heroes because that's a NO on so many levels I can't even count them.

17. What's a ship for this character you don't hate but it's not your favorite that you're fine with?

Mmmh. I'm going to cheat here and say MoonFireSky? (although probably in either an AU where Yuri is less murderous, or in one in which everything is way more majorly fucked up). I also really like the "Kotetsu and Nathan might have hooked up in the past" thing.

18. How about a relationship they have in canon with another character that you admire?

Nathan's friendship with Kotetsu is BEAUTIFUL. I also love their relationship with Pao-Lin (go, go, gender team!)

19. How about a relationship they have in canon that you don't like?

Mh. I guess it used to be the one with Bison in S1, but thankfully we got over the bad authorial choices, so... Apparently Lara's mom was vaguely rude about Nathan's temper once? Yet another reason to dislike her.

20. Which other character is the ideal best friend for this character, the amount of screentime they share doesn't matter?

Okay, this should be a difficult question, because her friendship/partnership with Keith is AMAZING, but... Agnes. Like, one hundred percent. Keith can be her boyfriend instead.

21. If you're a fic writer and have written for this character, what's your favorite thing to do when you're writing for this character? What's something you don't like?

AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH 😍 (I love writing Nathan.)

I love exploring her gender and all her slightly-hidden depths. I love giving her soft, comforting moments (especially with Keith). I love, apparently, making frequent references to her beauty 😅

I don't like how I have to often remind myself that she is that over-the-top in canon and even though the tone of my fics doesn't usually quite match that of the show, I should still try to respect their characterization as much as I possibly can.

22. If you're a fic reader, what's something you like in fics when it comes to ths character? Something you don't like?

Gosh, just write her being her awesome self with appropriate pronouns and I'm already on board. If you put her with Keith I'll die of joy.

Use he/him exclusively for them without a reason and I'll probably click the back button.

23. Favorite picture of this character?

I love the one in my icon, but I might have to go with this moment in The Rising:

24. What other character from another fandom of yours reminds you of them?

Well, the whole "superhero who owns their own company" thing is a fair bit Iron Man, isn't it? But also, and this might be a bit strange, when I imagine Victor Nikiforov in my head now, he sounds like Tsuda-san's Nathan? Make of that what you will.

25. What was your first impression of this character? How about now?

Welcome to the 'irritating stereotypical anime take on queer people' to 'complex, nuanced and gorgeous blorbo love of my life' pipeline.

26. FREEBIE QUESTION!!

Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

"Should everyone everywhere love Nathan?"

"Yes."

[exsqueezememacaroni]

So - let's say you wanted to go DEEP into Faith No More's live performances of Jizzlobber? And see all the ways Mike can fuck himself up on stage. Well, here you go - a compiled list of all the AD tour videos with this song (that I could find) and some lite commentary. gifs are from Warfield 1992

Edit: Hanover, Germany, Jun 3 1992 - (starts at 32:20) Mike what are you doing to that poor box?

Edit: Torino, Italy, Jun 26 1992 - (starts at 46:10) Ah! I found it, Mike screaming into the void (but I think the supercut shots are from Chinese Arithmetic)

Amsterdam, Holland, Jun 22 1992 - fairly reserved, Mike plays Puff's cymbals

Roskilde Festival, Denmark, Jun 25 1992 - (starts at 32:29) gas station Mike, fighting invisible people, and we're gettin' ~creepy~

Wasahallen Stadium, Sweden, Jul 3 1993 - (starts at 41:15) more invisible fighters, and a flip!

Edit: Milwaukee, WI, US, Jul 23 1992 - (starts 27:35) shit, how could i forget Modjeska!?! Roddy is definitely dead, Mike's spine is definitely crushed, Mike's slow build headbang is everything

The Warfield, CA, US, Aug 19 1992 - absolutely batshit crazy, and somehow Mike stays beautiful

Shippensburg, PA, US, Oct 16 1992 - (starts at 55:38) somehow Roddy is more nuts during this one, not much camera time on Mike

Saint Louis, MO, US, Sept 18 1992 - (starts at 48:22) "you wanna see me naked? it's ok, i love you too"

Edit: new link - Columbus, OH, US, Sept 23 1992 - song starts at 49:00, but link starts a little early bc that guy getting tackled is fucking hilarious) Mike flips over Roddy, Roddy flips into the crowd, Mike flips straight onto his back, absolute chaos

Philadelphia, PA, US, Oct 17 1992 - (starts at 45:07) the video quality is really strange on this one? otherwise only a normal amount of nuts

Gothenburg, Sweden, Oct 30 1992 - (starts at 52:20) that light is so fucking bright, good thing Mike's grunting increases, Reese's shirt!

Edit: Stockholm, Sweden, Oct 31 1992 - (starts at 50:40) Mike and the mic stand DO NOT get along, Mike jumps into the astral plane

Edit: Munich, Germany, Nov 11 1992 - (starts at 55:37) What's FNM's opinion on giraffes? "I'll fuck it"

Aschaffenburg, Germany, Nov 17 1992 - (starts at 57:25) "what does it SAY??" I am almost certain Mike kills someone when he flips into the audience...he jumps SO HIGH

Edit: Koblenz, Germany, Nov 19 1992 - (starts at 55:25) funky video edits on this one, but...is he humping the monitor?? jfc mike

Brixton Academy, England, Nov 26 1992 - (starts 57:24) that little 180 jump Mike does kinda kill me - otherwise not a lot of Mike time

Sheffield, England, Dec 5 1992 - (starts 57:55) almost didn't add this one - video is either dark, out of focus or wildly astray for most of it

Milan, Italy, Dec 17 1992 - (starts at 53:46) ok - I could write a whole dissertation on this - bc WHAT THE FUCK MIKE

The Warfield, CA, US, Jan 20 1993 - (starts at 54:20) the band chanting "fuck me" at the beginning is still good, not as bonkers as Warfield 1992 but his voice is deeper, darker, and does make me wanna fuck...wait...is he just slamming himself at the monitor??

Hollywood Palladium, CA, US, Jan 22 1993 - (starts 56:10) the camera angle switches partway through and we somehow end up behind them? and then it cuts to the end 😭, but Hawaiian shirt Mike

Wellington, New Zealand, May 13 1993 - (starts 1:05:56) god i love 1993 Mike's voice, but i do not know how his throat does not end up broken

Christchurch, New Zealand, May 16 1993 - (starts at 1:05:57) seeing Mike just frolic into Jim's frame is pretty great, that's a squat right there

Berlin, Germany, Jun 4 1993 - (starts at 54:44) red shirt mike barely keeps himself from landing head first into the drum riser, this one seems...angry?? and flips in 1993!

Lisbon, Portugal, Jun 26 1993 - oof the sound on this one is real bad, but Mike is in fine form - jacking off the water bottle, and he definitely lands face first

Phoenix Festival, England, Jul 17 1993 - Jim's last show, and Mike is appropriately unhinged™

Bonus: someone did a supercut of best bits

[love-byers]

stranger things music coding (long)

i havent shut up about this on other platforms since july but it’s finally time to make a formal tumblr post about it. this is my favorite thing ever and my favorite piece of byler proof and im SO excited to make one big post about it 

the songs that i’m gonna be talking about are:

The First Lie

On The Bus

The First I love You

Being Different

the first lie has only ever played once, and it was during jonathan and nancy’s first kiss in 2x6. they had been denying their feelings for each other left and right for a YEAR. the kiss is the first time they’ve ever directly acknowledged and admitted their feelings and been completely honest and open about it. the song is basically the same chords played over and over again. go and listen to it now and get that tune in your head because it is extremely important. 

the first i love you has played three times. first during robin’s coming out scene in 3x7, then in in mike and el’s “i love you too” scene in 3x8, then in joyce and hopper’s first kiss in 4x9. the first i love you has a lot of build up in the beginning and then bursts into beautiful synths, it’s a great song. the s3 scenes it’s used in makes a lot of sense. steve is slowly trying to tell robin he likes her and finally does, and then he’s slowly realizing what robin is trying to say: she’s a lesbian, and el is slowly trying to tell mike she loves him. OR....mike is slowly realizing HE is gay. we all know what happened in that scene.....mike was not feeling it and literally pretended not to know what she was talking about. and his face....

...yeah.

also in the first i love you, the chords from the first lie are used. they’re similar songs on purpose. a pattern is forming here. these chords are used every time there is some kind of romantic confession going on. nancy and jonathan finally admitted their feelings and made out, steve confessed his crush to robin, robin confessed her sexuality to steve, el confessed to mike that she loves him and kissed him three times, and mike stood there like he just realized he likes boys. similarly to jancy, joyce and hopper finally admit their feelings to one another by making out. fun times!

i know what you’re thinking. “doesn’t the first i love you playing during a jopper scene mean the coming out scene parallel doesn’t mean anything??” no my sweet angels it does not, and here’s why

like i said, the first i love you has a lot of build up. specifically, theres an inital buildup and release, bu then there’s a dip in the middle and then more buildup...more buildup...and THEN it’s the part that plays during the jopper scene. that intro that’s used in the steve & robin scene and the mike & el scene isn’t used in the jopper scene. which to me, separates this scene from the others. and jfc WATCH the jopper scene and compare it to the two other scenes. there is a STARK difference and sends a completely different message. and regardless, romance is involved in every pair. steve likes robin but it’s one sided. mike and el are dating. joyce and hopper are in love. 

yeahhh the jopper scene doesn’t really discount anything lmfao

moving on!

on the bus plays during 2 scenes. first, during lucas and max’s heart-to-heart in 2x6 on top of the bus. then during......wait for it......mike and will’s heart-to-heart in 4x4. once again, the chords from the first lie are used. but this time, it’s incomplete. it’s not the same kind of song as the first lie. one is synths and one is piano. 

in both scenes, there is a confession going on. max admits to lucas why she’s kind of mean sometimes and also opens up about her family & past. then lucas tells her she’s not like billy at all and says “you’re cool and different, you’re super smart, and you’re like totally tubular” (god they are so fucking CUTE). then they say, “i like talking with you, mad max.” “i like talking with you, stalker.” confessions all around. 

mike admits to will that it’s been weird since he left and hawkins isn’t the same without him, and that he feels like he lost will. before this, mike’s emotionally vulnerable side had been completely absent. and during this scene he is finally honest. then he and will agree that they want to be best friends again. 

i also want to point out that the timing in this scene is definitely intentional. remember, the first lie’s chords is the motif for truth + love/romance.

on the bus starts out with a different tune, then after a few seconds the motif kicks in. in the byler scene, the motif plays right when mike says “they’re great, it’s just...it’s hawkins it’s not the same without you.” then it continues as he says “and i feel like maybe i was worrying too much about el...i don’t know maybe i feel like i lost you or something. does that make sense?” 

the motif for truth + love plays....when mike admits that his relationship with will is different than his relationship with his other friends and even el.....i feel faint

then it goes back to the other chords for a second, then the motif is back. it starts when mike says “friends. best friends.” i dont think i even have to say anything 

go watch this to see what i mean. listen closely

on the bus is special because like i said, it’s very different from the other 2 songs we’ve discussed. the motif is incomplete, but it’s there. when you hear that motif, you’re meant to understand that there are romantic undertones. something romantic is going on here. before the lumax scene, you could probably guess that they were gonna eventually be a couple, but the bus scene is when it’s pretty much confirmed. there were romantic undertones. and feel free to disagree but the byler scene was SO fucking romantic coded. romantic undertones all over the place. ALSO, in both of these scenes, the pair in question are interrupted and have their gazes torn from each other. lucas and max by the screech of a demodog, mike and will by the screech of the tires outside. haha. hahaha. haahahahahahHAHAHAHHAAHAHHA. ITS COOL! ITS TOTALLY COOL! WE’RE FINE!

the last song, being different, is played once. it plays when will gives mike the painting and confesses his feelings by using el’s name. it’s a pretty long song, and the motif doesn’t kick in until almost the end. but when it does, it’s on mike’s face. go watch this to see what i mean

will is confessing his love for mike, but he’s also lying. he’s implying these are el’s feelings when they’re not by using her name. like on the bus, being different is very different from the first lie & the first i love you. the motif, once again, isn’t complete and sounds almost distorted. will is being truthful, but he’s also not. he’s saying these aren’t his feelings, but regardless they still are and he’s saying them out loud TO mike. 

! romantic ! undertones ! 

! truth ! and ! love ! 

also, since this motif is representative of truth + love, don’t you think it would play during mike’s big monologue confessing his love for eleven? i think so too!

but it didn’t. the motif is nowhere in you’re the heart. 

lets quickly go over all of the pairs talked about in this post:

nancy + jonathan (in love, a couple)

lucas + max (in love)

mike + el (a couple)

robin + steve (one sided crush)

joyce + hopper (in love, a couple)

will + mike (one canonically in love with the other/undecided)

the motif has appeared 6 times in total, 2 times per season (2, 3, 4), and with those pairs ONLY. 

and byler isn’t romantic? it’s one sided? methinks NOT. 

[poetry-protest-pornography]

Ouch ouch ouch 😭

Will I ever be able to hear this song and not get Emotional? Signs point to no.

Also, jfc look at him. He's so beautiful.

[taexual]

Dude where do I even start :ccc

This chapter, I really couldn't wait to have some free time and read it peacefully (peacefully meaning, squealing and losing my shit at every paragraph)

I loved the plotting ok, the attention to details, the way they all worry about each other and just fight against this urge to bury Sid alive, so inspiring and wholesome :D

Also, something I've absolutely always loved about your writing is this continuous narration of the characters thoughs, interactions and quirks, like it may be the simplest of things for other people (like writers in general and stuff) but for me these moments -of Luna finally exchanging a gossipy stare with Maggie, or Jungkook feeling devastated when Oc took her hand away, and then making sure that it wouldn't happen again-, they just add so much endearment, personality, depth to the story. Idk, it feels like every comma you write has a purpose, and will eventually add up to some beautiful metaphors, and revelations.

What does it feel like to be such a talented writer??

Now, regarding the lovey dovey stuff... What the actual fuck are you trying to do to me? I swear I cannot look more deranged giggling at my phone every 32 seconds jfc, have some compassion.

Like jk demanding that kiss in the park? Had me doing flips

The “I never knew how to love you quietly."

AND OC RECITING HIS ENTIRE SPEECH??!? ‘We have Sociology together, I saw you sleeping in class, very cute by the way, the professor does not know how to shut up, have you seen that new Studio Ghibli film, I recently watched their classic with some friends, My Neighbour Jungkook, I’m Totoro by the way, I thought maybe—wait—no—’”

“Not one period, nothing,” you continued, a melancholic haze in your eyes. “Just commas and an endless stream of thought. You could have asked me to bury a body, I would have said yes.”

STFU I ALMOST CRIED, THOSE ARE MY BABIESS

The rain listened. It had become a fundamental part of your present and a prophet of your future: the two of you were going to spend the rest of your lives listening to the rain and falling in love.

This destroyed me actually, get me someone to listen to the rain and fall in love with, rn please and thank u

Also watch me try and write 'transfixing. Beguiling. Effulgent. Pulchritudinous' next time I'm falling asleep to test my writing abilities fr, just you wait

He was almost ready to call Rated Riot’s next song “Smile Lines” and just sigh dreamily into the microphone for five minutes while Yoongi played gentle piano chords in the background.

As if their entire discography wasn't like this already, at least in my mind it is. But yeah, I can totally see him doing something like that next time oc does anything remotely endearing (breathing basically)

Ugh idk what to say, you have me screaming and crying for this couple, these characters and their story all the time, and I love you for it. There are also things I forgot to mention because my phone refuses to actually save things in the Clipboard, but overall this made my week, as your updates always do (and that paired with Ateez's performance in Coachella in a couple of minutes?? Yeah life feels worth living again 🤭🤭)

Thank you sm for this, take care of yourself pleaseee, ill be waiting for the next one cccc:

oh how i wish i could thank you eloquently, instead of going sskdhfksh at every word of your message 😭 i must stress that the fact that you noticed (!) these little moments between characters and you've enjoyed (!!!) them is the absolute highest reward i could get 🙏🏻 it's so easy to skim, you know?

babe making you giggle is my main purpose in life at this point, i don't know what to tell you. and you'RE SO RIGHT OMG he's so whipped for her, their next album is just going to be jungkook morphing from this 🥰 into just this ❤️ (like me for you rn, fr)

i also hope you have more peace and quiet to do the things you enjoy in your life!! i love you!!! 🥺🤍🤍🤍🤍 bless ateez btw

[buggreawlthys]

'I will not say farewell, my lord,' said Pippin.

- almost word-for-word echo of sam's song in the tower. brb crying over hobbits again.

Now silently the host of Rohan moved forward into the field of Gondor, pouring in slowly but steadily, like the rising tide through breaches in a dike that men have thought secure.

- this is the point where i started vibrating too quickly for the human eye to perceive

And straightway all the horns in the host were lifted up in music, and the blowing of the horns of Rohan in that hour was like a storm upon the plain and a thunder in the mountains.

- there is not enough "fuck yeah" in this world and middle earth combined

And never in after years could he hear a horn blown in the distance without tears starting in his eyes.

- you & me both mate

Denethor started as one waking from a trance, and the flame died in his eyes, and he wept; and he said: 'Do not take my son from me! He calls for me.' ... Denethor followed him, and stood trembling, looking with longing on the face of his son.

- on the one hand, genuinely sympathetic. on the other hand, all this parental affection would've been a bit more useful before you Sent Him To His Death, Arsehole

'Go then and labour in healing! Go forth and fight! Vanity.'

- this isn't even "pot calling the kettle black", it's just straight-up hypocrisy.

Yet one stood there still: Dernhelm the young, faithful beyond fear; and he wept, for he had loved his lord as a father.

- ... so we're still playing this game, jirt? even now? really? *sigh* ok, fine. """dernhelm""" loved """his""" lord, got it

'Do what you will; but I will hinder it, if I may.'

- one of, if not the, all-time "fuck around & find out"s

'And I would send word to Éowyn. She, she would not have me leave her, and now I shall not see her again, dearer than daughter.'

- how many times will the sheer & shining amount of LOVE in this stories rip my heart into confetti???

'Are you going to bury me?' said Merry.

- 🥺🥺🥺

...and out of Far Harad black men like half-trolls with white eyes and red tongues.

- jfc. for every "fair for its day" moment there's one of these, whether it's enemies on the battlefield or allies like ghan-buri-ghan. repugnant actually.

'Thus we meet again, though all the hosts of Mordor lay between us,' said Aragorn. 'Did I not say so at the Hornburg?'

- yeah yeah smartarse, no-one likes an "i told you so"

...red fell the dew in Rammas Echor.

- sad but also metal af

'I have been too busy with this and that to heed all the crying and shouting,' she answered.

- Ioreth my giiiiiiiiiiiirrrrrrrrrl so good to see you sis love your life love your choices

'Not a beggar,' said Aragorn. 'Say a captain of the Rangers, who are unused to cities and houses of stone.'

- *snort*

...said Aragorn. 'One thing also is short, time for speech.'

- TAKE A FUCKEN HINT BABES (not that it does any good. ioreth will not be contained)

'My friend,' said Gandalf, 'you had horses, and deeds of arms, and the free fields; but she, born in the body of a maid, had a spirit and courage at least the match of yours. Yet she was doomed to wait upon an old man...'

- gandalf pointing out the mûmakil in the room: bigotry

'Master Meriadoc,' said Aragorn, 'if you think that I have passed through the mountains and yhe realm of Gondor with fire and sword to bring herbs to a careless soldier who throws away his gear, you are mistaken. ...he will leave you to reflect on the history of tongues. And so now must I.'

- i am howling

For like a shaft, clear and cold, the thought pierced him that in the end the Shadow was only a small and passing thing: there was light and high beauty for ever beyond its reach. His song in the Tower had been defiance rather than hope; for then he was thinking of himself. Now, for a moment, his own fate, and even his master's, ceased to trouble him. He crawled back into the brambles and laid himself by Frodo's side, and putting away all fear he cast himself into a deep untroubled sleep.

- everyone say thank you to the nice star for letting sam get some decent bloody rest for a change (grumbles about hobbits with no self-care practice)

[septembersghost]

I hate how some people are making jokes or telling us we can't be sad or that feeling heartache listening to five albums worth of her music right now is hard and we're connecting to her art "wrong" like jfc it's been one day and this is a devastating shock we can be sad for a minute!

absolutely cannot stress enough how completely and entirely NORMAL it is for people to be sad and shaken right now, and it doesn't mean we're interacting with her music incorrectly or too invested or confused and think she's our best friend or something, none of that is true, and people dismissing it as that are the ones seemingly missing the point. when someone you care about is hurt, you hurt for them, it's human. it doesn't matter that we don't know her directly, an inherent bond is in fact formed between us and her music, and there is no getting around the fact that her music is deeply personal and autobiographical, and that a significant portion has been shaped by and written about this relationship - which also isn't a bad thing, it's beautiful! that love was so real and so transformative and such an important lifeline, and we can be grateful forever that she met joe when she did and that he helped her through those terribly dark times and that they supported and loved one another the way they did, when they did. all of that is still true. it's not undone - it was rare, it was there! (to borrow from a different tune) - and they needed it and it served them in lovely ways for as long as it could. the "these songs were about my life, now they're about yours" mentality is all well and good, but sometimes a bit impossible, and that is okay to acknowledge! the idea that you must take context away and only relate them to yourself or your blorbos is a bit silly, they're still taylor's art and diary and life (and you can and should do both!). also i'm gonna be honest here, many of us do not have a love like that to apply them to, so of course the original meaning sticks a bit. fandom acting like it's a sin right now to be thinking of her within her own music and aching for that is ridiculous. that WILL fade with time, but there hasn't been time yet! everyone's just sort of reeling and trying to process. this is collective mourning for many different aspects of things, it's in fact going to be a different bit of sadness for each person even though we're sharing it together, and that's also normal! her music being intensely personal and lyrically poignant gives us that sense of connection and empathy for what she's experienced and what she's shared, and this is the only time when we've experienced her writing about this type of love, the amount of time it's lasted (we are by extension very used to joe having been a constant! six years is a lot! there are many newer fans who've never known taylor without him being a significant factor), and tbh i could go into further detail here about why it's hitting hard and the little griefs everyone has been sorting through today. you can be grateful something happened and grieve its ending, and the ending of any potential future that might've happened, you can hurt for another person simply because you care for them and wish them the best and want them to be happy. it's not invasive when we are fully aware of the boundaries there too. it's okay for the music to sting and be difficult right now because it's about a life that no longer exists - we will all go back to it and reclaim it and feel the warmth and love in it again, we will hold onto that gratitude (i will never not be thankful that joe was in her life exactly when she needed him and helped her the way he did, that she flourished so much personally and creatively in that time, she didn't have to do that work or find that strength alone and that's a wonderful thing too). it's all about understanding those emotions and giving them space and compassion. we need to give grace to taylor and joe, to each other, and to ourselves for anything we're feeling right now.