#joelmiller*

[pimosworld]

Hi it’s me!! Since you are open to requests, could you please do a very fluffy smut with Joel where the reader is very insecure about her body and he makes her feel loved and it’s just so sweet?? In need of a comfort daddy Joel 🥺

Pairing- Joel Miller x f!reader

Summary- Joel wants you to see your body the way he does, a work of art.

CW-18+, MDNI, NSFW, A smidge of angst because (body image issues), Fluff,miscommunication, reader is not described other than not feeling herself lately, Soft dom Joel, smut, body worship, mirror sex, fingering, unprotected piv, cream pie, self acceptance, no use of y/n

WC-2.0k

[Joel Miller Masterlist][Main Masterlist]

A\N- My first Joel request and I would say I was feeling inspired by some body issues I’ve had lately. Thank you anon for this lovely request I hope I did it justice.

Clothing optional

There was a war going on in your house. Two separate wars to be exact, although you personally had no idea about one of them. 

  You’re currently on the frontlines in your room with a pile of mass casualties on the floor beside you. As you stand and face the mirror in front of you it’s unclear who the enemy is. Logic would have you believe it’s the clothes, the clothes that fit not long ago…that much you’re sure of. The cruel part of your brain, the part you couldn’t seem to shut off was telling you the enemy was your body. This body that has carried you through life, through ups and downs, through grief and happiness. Yet you stand here and shame it, calling it the enemy. 

  This dress, one that you were never really that fond of but could always rely on it fitting was the straw that broke the camel's back. It hugs in all the wrong places and definitely seems shorter than you remembered the last time you put it on. The lace at the seams is frayed a little and you swore you heard a stitch pop when you tried to unzip yourself. Now you’re frozen in fear that you’re stuck in this godforsaken thing and you’ve still not figured out what you’re wearing to impress Joel’s business partners. He was always so put together, what could they possibly think of you by his side. 

  “Sugar ya in there?” A knock on the bedroom door and Joel’s sweet voice causes you to panic. 

  You’re not even close to being ready. Tears streaming down your face, makeup ruined and your claustrophobia is aching to get out of this dress. 

  “Don’t come in.” Your garbled voice is evident all rushed out in a frenzy as you hear the door swing open. 

  ****

  The other war. 

  A war that’s been silently brewing in the house over the last few weeks. Joel noticed something different about you. It took him a lot longer than he’d cared to admit once he realized. He knew your body in and out. Every freckle, every line, every scar or birthmark. He’d made it his mission in life to be able to pick you out of a lineup blindfolded, only tasked with his hands or his mouth.

  He was insatiable for you. 

  He never understood when other men would say that after some time you won’t be as obsessed with each other. After marriage things become monotonous and it feels like a chore. He loved chores, being able to complete a task. If loving you and worshiping your body was a chore then he wanted that duty everyday. 

  At first he thought he must’ve said or done something to upset you. He knew his mouth could be pretty reckless at times so he gave you a few days to cool off.

  When you shy away from him or insisted your shirt stayed on during sex he started to grow suspicious. Maybe he hadn’t told you enough how much he appreciated your body. He thought he did a pretty good job of it but things get complicated when you’re in the heat of the moment. He made your brain go all fuzzy and it was hard to concentrate on what he was sayin’. 

  He’d had just about had enough when he walked into the kitchen the other day. You were reaching something high up on the shelf. Instead of asking if you needed help he just stood there ogling you as your shorts rode up, exposing the bottom of your ass. He wanted to sink his teeth into it. He wanted to grip your thighs and bend you over the counter. He could just imagine it as he pounded into you from behind while you screamed his name, the ripples from his thrusts dancing across your skin. You looked so startled when you saw him there, his eyes blown black with lust as he stepped towards you. His heart broke a little when you scurried away and returned aggressively wrapping your robe around you. 

  ****

  A peace offering. 

  You knew there was no way he was staying outside at any sign of your distress. He enters your shared bedroom slowly like he’s approaching a frightened animal. You’re sure you look like one in your state. 

  He’s quite the opposite. Crisp black on black suit, his hair combed back out of his face to show off those beautiful brown eyes. His cologne wafts towards you with hints of bergamot and cedar wood. Just the sight of him has you weak in the knees. 

  “You wanna tell me what’s got ya all worked up?” He takes a tentative step towards you as you shake your head and wrap your arms around yourself. 

  He clicks his tongue, hating how defeated you look right now. “Listen sugar, I’m gonna count to ten.” He gently unfurls your arms from you and wraps them around his middle. “And by the time I get to ten.” You take a shuddering breath against his chest relishing in the comfort he’s bringing you. “You’re gonna tell me what’s wrong.” 

  “One.” 

  “None of my clothes fit, I hate the way I look right now and I don’t want to embarrass you tonight because I look ridiculous standing next to you in some dress that I hate.” It’s all rushed out and muffled into his chest as he cradles your head and rocks you back and forth. 

  “Is that all?” He teases as you nod your head. “I’m thinkin’ maybe there’s a little more.” 

  “Two.” 

  “Well…the other day.” You let out an exasperated sigh as you look up at him. “You were starin’ at me, in the kitchen. I couldn’t tell what you were thinking, but it didn’t look good.” 

  He thinks for a moment, back to his thoughts in the kitchen and you must have read him all wrong. 

  Joel steps back from you briefly as he undoes his tie, letting it drop to the floor. “The other day in the kitchen.” His hands start to work at the buttons on his dress shirt as he shucks it off his broad shoulders. “I wasn’t tryin’ to stare. I was tryin’ to keep my hands to myself.” 

  Your breathing picks up as he undoes the buckle on his slacks and lets them join the rest of his clothes. He palms himself through his boxers, his hard length growing at the slightest touch. 

  “Joel, what are you doing?” He doesn’t answer you as his hands grip your shoulders turning you toward the mirror. “We’re gonna be late for the dinner.” 

  He leans in, taking your earlobe between his teeth as you gasp. “We’re not goin’ to the dinner sweetheart.” Joel’s eyes lock with yours in the mirror as he takes your chin between his thumb and forefinger. “Do ya see how beautiful you are?” 

  His grip stops you from shaking your head no and you figure you might as well get with the program now, since he’s being so generous. 

  “You wanna do this your way or my way?��� He asks with an eyebrow raised in question. 

  “Your way?” You shakily answer as he smiles all wide and kisses your cheek. 

  His hands make quick work of the zipper that was stuck and he eases it down your back. Carefully dragging it down your body, letting the fabric pool at your feet. His hand kneads your breast and soft whimper leaves your lips as it trails down your stomach. “You weren’t plannin on wearin’ any panties to this event?” His fingers dip lower circling your clit just barely teasing you. 

  “I…I hadn’t gotten around to them yet.” Your voice is shaky as he winds his other arm around you pulling you taught to his chest. 

  “Well good thing…you won’t be needin’ em tonight.” His words send a shiver down your spine as you stand there, naked as the day you were born trying to stay afloat. “Now, I asked you if you see how beautiful you are?” 

  “Yes.” You moan out as he slips two fingers inside, chuckling to himself as he works you open. 

  You cry out at the loss as he pulls them from you, holding them out in front of your face. It’s lewd the way he licks his fingers and his grip on you tightens as your legs threaten to give out at the sight. 

  “You want me to show ya’ what I was thinkin’ about in the kitchen?” Rhetorical question of course but you're feverishly nodding your head all the same. 

  He places a soft kiss to your neck as he guides you to the bed. Neither of you trusting your feet to carry you there. “Lay down for me baby girl. Face me.” You lay down on your stomach, resting your head on your arms as you watch him place the mirror near the edge of the bed. 

  His fingers tug down his boxers and it surprises you every time, the sheer weight of him. His cock twitches at the sight as if it knows you’re looking, admiring as you stop yourself from reaching at the angry red tip to swipe your finger through the bead of precum leaking out. 

  The bed dips behind you as he straddles your thighs. You can see him in the mirror watching you as you wiggle your ass, that fight part of your brain no longer concerned with the way you look. Not with the way he’s looking at you. Like he wants to eat you alive. 

  His fingers grip your flesh as he tilts your hips up, he’s rock hard as he slides the tip through your aching folds. You clench around nothing as you try to draw him in. 

  “Eyes on the prize baby.” You tear your eyes from him as you catch yours in the mirror. He wants you to watch, but not him. 

  You’re the prize. 

  He sinks down in one fluid motion and it takes every fiber of your being to keep your eyes open. You both moan in unison as he starts a slow agonizing pace. 

  Joel watches you as long as he can but he can’t tear his eyes away from the ripple of your skin as he pounds your flesh. Hitting something deep and devastating inside you as you clutch the sheets. Soft chants of his name punched out in his thrusts as he tries to hold off his release. It feels too good and just like his daydream. Having you bent over all fucked out, unable to form a coherent through. The only thought he wants running through that head is how perfect you are. 

  “Oh fuck…I’m the luckiest man alive, ya know that.” He grits out as he meets your eyes again. 

  His strong hands haul you up against his chest as he wraps his arms around your shoulders. All you can manage is a head nod as you keen at this new angle. 

  You can feel the beads of sweat from his hair drip down onto you as you cling to his arms, he growls in your ear as your climax peaks over you, taking you by surprise as you cry out his name. 

  “This pussy was made for me darlin’.” 

  He can feel you suck him in and his balls draw up tight. Your front bathed in a sheen of sweat down your breasts and across your stomach as you ride out the aftershocks. His hips slow to a stutter as he holds your prone and pliant body, pulsing inside you as you let out a soft exhale. 

  You’re completely and utterly wrecked and he thinks you’re like one of those renaissance paintings with the naked ladies. Better than that because you’re real and you’re all his. 

  It takes you a moment to gather yourself as you lay there, Joel’s hand draped over your body at the edge of the bed. You can finally look in the mirror and see the war that was waging was all on your head. 

Comments and reblogs are much appreciated

[cherry-holmes]

The last thing you remembered was Joel thrusting deeply inside you, the gentle patter of rain outside his bedroom. The sweat-soaked bed beneath your naked form and tears of pleasure in your eyes as you succumbed to a powerful orgasm.

Then, he was calling your name, his voice laced with concern, his hands delicately holding your cheeks, guiding your head. As you opened your eyes, you met his gaze filled with worry.

"Fuck, thank goodness," he sighed in relief, touching his forehead to yours. "Are you alright?" he asked.

"W-what? What happened?" you stammered, feeling slightly disoriented, the remnants of your climax still lingering, making it difficult to focus.

"You fainted," he whispered, his eyes locked on yours searching for any sign of discomfort.

"I'm so sorry," he murmured, his voice filled with genuine remorse. "I didn't mean to push you that far." He gently pulled the covers over your body, tucking them around you with care.

Did you what? You felt a bit confused of what he was saying, and also embarrassed from the little you get to catch. Did you actually faint making love with your boyfriend?

You shook your head slowly, your cheeks burning from both your climax and the embarrassment, trying to clear the fog in your mind. "It's okay," you managed to say, your voice still shaky from the intensity of the experience.

Joel brushed a strand of hair away from your face, his touch gentle and reassuring. "I should've been more careful," he admitted.

The warmth of the blankets and the soothing rhythm of his breathing beside you tempting you into a deep, peaceful sleep.

"I'm okay, my love," you reassured him, brushing his forehead and cheek delicately with your fingers. "It was just... incredible," you added, feeling a blush rise to your cheeks.

You shifted slightly, moving closer to Joel's warmth, seeking solace in his embrace. His arm instinctively wrapped around you, drawing you in even closer.

He let out a soft chuckle, his eyes filled with a mixture of tenderness and allure. "I'm glad you enjoyed it," he replied, his voice a gentle whisper in the quiet of the room.

[salome-c]

The dad stance

[xxhypersomnia]

[adaws12]

Wake up bitches, it’s time to eat

[saintgoths]

joel miller the type of guy lana would sing about

[koshkamartell]

No One But Me

masterlist

previous

If you were going to live a life pretending to be happy with Joel, you were not going to allow him to completely oppress you.

You stopped speaking to him unless necessary, essentially ignoring him. You dedicated more of your time planning lessons. You spent alot of time out in the garden despite the freezing cold. You read your books and sipped your tea - you even found you started to like the way the chill pierced your lungs whenever you inhaled deeply. I reminded you that could still enjoy freedom in other ways outside the house.

The little rush you get from ignoring Joel is addictive. It could have been considered pathetic to anyone else but it makes you feel powerful in a way you had never felt before.

You became slower to attend to your house duties because you were often too preoccupied with daydreaming. When Joel reminded you to be more prompt in washing the dishes he was sure you rolled your eyes at him. Sometimes you would mumble something that he couldn't quite catch with his bad hearing, but when he'd question what you said you would just say "nothing, Joel".

Joel got frustrated with you more and more often because of your carelessness. His harsh words soon turned into rough grabs and shoves, then they progressed into slaps.

You had forfeited your friendship with Oscar to protect him from Joel. That was not going to change. You remember the rumours that had circulated around town about Joel's propensity for violence when he and Ellie first arrived. Considering what he has done to you, there is no doubting Joel would take great pleasure in torturing Oscar. You would rather disappear from Oscar's life than risk Joel potentially killing him just for talking to you.

Although you feared for Oscar, you did not fear for your own safety. Not any longer. Joel had already hurt you as much as he could and you had survived. What was another slap? What was another bruise to add to the rest of the purple-yellow clusters that mottled your skin? Whatever punishment he deemed fit would be worth suffering, just for the reminder that your heart was still beating with life and love.

Although your spirit had grown stronger and more independent it is still impossible for you to completely relax. You simply cannot when Joel is a constant dark shadow following you, the wicked source of both your pleasure and your misery, the man who wants nothing more than to hurt and possess you.

Joel not only invades your body, but you swear he is beginning to invade your thoughts, too. His presence seems to pervade your surroundings at all times. Even when he isn't at home and you are alone in the house you feel like you are being watched. You know it isn't logical and that he's either on patrol or at the bar, but it does little to alleviate the unsettling feeling of being spied on.

At times you feel like he can read your mind and it makes you question your sanity. He always seemed to be one step ahead of you, always calculating your next move before you could even think of it.

Like when you planned to ask him for extra time allowance to go to the market for food and had discovered he already went shopping and stocked up on as much food as his rations would allow. You searched through the pantry and fridge and were astounded by the plenitude of food.

Never before had you seen another person's pantry so well stocked with flour and fruits, or so much butter, milk and eggs all in one single fridge. You almost allowed yourself to believe that maybe he had done it to prove his dedication to you, to demonstrate how he cared about you and wanted you to eat.

But that was probably a farfetched idea, you concluded. He was no longer the tender and loving Joel that he had been in the recent weeks. His personality had morphed once again, disorientating you even more.

From that point on the house had an abundance of food at all times, leaving you with no excuse not to cook or to go out to fetch ingredients without him.

Fine, you decided, if you couldn't get time outside then you would try harder to limit your proximity to Joel. He may have coerced you into living with him but you didn't have to share his bed.

You gathered your pillow and headed to one of the spare rooms with the intention of setting up a cosy nest in privacy. But when you tried to open the door you had found it locked, perhaps for the first time ever.

Strange, you thought, before moving onto the next room down the hallway.

When you went to enter the second bedroom you had discovered its door was also locked. You rattled the handle fruitlessly, growling with frustration, then kicked at the door.

Ofcourse Joel locked them, you chided yourself. Because he knew you'd try isolate yourself.

Because sleeping in the spare rooms weren't an option you tried the next best thing - the couch. Joel walked into the living room just as you were spreading a blanket and pillow over the couch and he understood your intention right way.

"No," he grunted. He scooped you up and carried you all the way upstairs, ignoring your thrashing and protests. He took you into the master bedroom and dumped you unceremoniously onto his mattress.

"Knock it off," he scowled. You just glared at him and he shook his head at you.

"Last warnin'," Joel cautioned sternly. "Next time I'll tie you to this damn bed."

You don't doubt he would, so you resign yourself to sleeping in his bed every night. Atleast the heat from his body keeps you warm, you think. And when you startle awake from another horrible dream in the middle of the night, sobbing and with your heart pounding, it's Joel's arms that hold you tight. It's Joel's gravelly voice that whispers soothing phrases into your hair. In some kind of unspoken paradoxical illusion it is his enduring presence that ultimately assuages your distress.

••••••

Having you living in his home has awoken a new depth of perversion in Joel that he cannot temper. It excites him to know you sit waiting for him to return home every night like a good little housewife, that your pretty face and your sweet scent will greet him when he steps through the door after a long stint on patrol.

His cock thickens in his pants to think of how accessible your body is now that you are essentially a prisoner in his house with no where to run and hide. Joel has even contemplated the idea of tying you to the bed each night; mostly for his pleasure and to reinforce your position beside him, but also to fuck with your head a bit.

Maybe he can tie you up and take some more perverted pictures of you sometime. The possibilities are endless, especially now that he's resolved not to give a fuck about your feelings. Despite the pathological love he feels for you, the embers of hatred still smoulder inside Joel; it urges him to hurt you, to break your will.

Your attitude lately was really starting to piss him off. Your behaviour reminded him of a sullen teenager at times - you barely talked to him and always evaded him in favour of being alone with your books. You had even started sitting on the steps of the back porch to read, a blanket draped over your shoulders to protect you from the evening chill.

He had a good mind to burn those fucking books.

It felt like you were toying with him with some sort of strategic psychological game to purposely anger him. And it was working. But like a moth to the flame his hunger for you is more insatiable than ever; like he wants to drain the life from you and devour you whole, as if your arousal is the essence in which keeps his blackened heart beating. He is greedy in his quest to ravish you.

Joel marks you in any place that can be concealed by your clothing. Your breasts and stomach are littered with purple hickies and the imprint of teeth, as are your thighs and the flesh of your ass cheeks. Joel tries to restrain himself from marking your neck gratuitously though; he doesn't want to raise any suspicions but he is also too possessive to allow you to walk around with prominent hickies all over your neck. He doesn't want some asshole looking at you and thinking you're easy.

You have come to know that there is no point in trying to resist Joel's advances anymore, either, because he just ends up taking from you anyway. Your refusal only spurns him on and feeds his obsessive compulsion to dominate you, and the more you resist him the more determined he is to break you.

When you kick at him and smack at his face and chest Joel silences you with heavy slaps across your face. He likes to slap you - on your cheeks, your ass, your breasts - so he can see the bloom of his red hand print on you.

He wins the battle of wills between you and he over and over again. And as much as you fucking hate him there is no denying the rapacious magnetism you and Joel share. You may scratch and bite like a feral cat but it is all part of the game you play. He knows you can't resist him, even if you could never admit it to yourself.

"Told you I know you better than you think," he whispered tauntingly in your ear the other night, just after he had coaxed a mind blowing orgasm from you. "Don't forget this pussy is mine, baby girl."

Joel left you a whimpering mess, too fucked out to say anything in return to his boasting. He's never seen you squirt so much before, but his own orgasms seem more intense now, too. He is finding it increasingly more difficult not to cum inside you and fill your cunt with his load every time he has you. It feels like he's defying his natural instincts by pulling out and spilling his seed elsewhere.

Joel fights the urge to remain buried in you but it seems his ability to restrain himself wanes a little each time. Joel waits until the last couple of seconds to withdraw but he fights the urge to remain buried in you every time. His ability to restrain himself seems to wane a little more each time.

Fuck, Joel would love nothing more than to explode inside your perfect pussy. It is not that Joel wants to get you pregnant or have more children; infact just the thought of him fathering a child again makes his stomach clench anxiously. It's the act itself, internally marking you with his cum, that he so badly wants to indulge in.

Joel makes a mental note to check on his pill stash to see if there's any more plan b. He knows for sure that he still has pain killers and sleeping pills. They will come in handy for the future, he thinks, when he's sure you are both ready to move on from here.

Kate yawns as she carries her cup of tea from the kitchen to the living room, grateful for the the warmth of the mug heating the palm of her hand. Although she is wearing a thick sweater over two long sleeved shirts she still feels chilled. These past few months have been bitterly cold with no sign of reprieve, and like most Jackson residents she longs for the snow to ease and for the warm sunshine to return.

For Kate the early mornings during this time of year are the worst; she hates having to leave the refuge of her bed to go to work when the sky is still dark and the air is unforgiving and icy. Fortunately today she is able to enjoy a leisurely morning infront of the fireplace.

She is just about to sit down in one of the armchairs when three solid knocks rap on the front door.

"Who on earth...?" Kate mumbles to herself.

No one visits this early in the morning, unless maybe Maria or someone else from the committee are in search of a volunteer to fill a work duty for the day. Shit, she really hopes it isn't the case - she's really looked forward to her day off this week.

With her mug still in hand Kate shuffles to the door and turns the handle to pull it open. She's visibly surprised to be greeted by the sight of Oscar standing on her porch, his nose and his cheeks tinged with pink. The chill from the wind infiltrates the house immediately and Kate makes a hissing noise.

"Oscar!" she blurts out in surprise. "Matt has already left for work, you've just missed him, sorry."

She obviously assumes Oscar is at her front door calling on her brother, but Oscar shakes his head and narrows his gaze at her.

"I'm not here to see Matt," he speaks cheerlessly. "I'm here to see you."

Kate frowns, perplexed. "Huh? Me?"

"Yes Kate, I need to talk to you." Oscar replies firmly. "Let me in."

She is startled by the fixed solemnity within his striking brown eyes, how his usual jovial smile has been replaced by the grave downturn of his mouth. Kate realises she has never seen Oscar look so concerned before, and the realisation worries her.

She hurriedly steps aside to let him inside the house. "Ofcourse, Oscar, come in."

He stamps the snow from his boots before entering the house and Kate quickly shuts the door behind him. She ushers him into the living room and they end up perched on opposite ends of the couch by the crackling fireplace. She takes a sip of tea while eyeing him curiously.

Then a sudden wave of emotion crashes over her. There could only be one reason why her brother's friend is visiting her looking so forlorn.

"Oh my god!" Kate cries out. "Is it Matt? Please tell me Matt isn't hurt! He just left for work, what could have happened--"

Oscar immediately holds his hand out to quieten her.

"Kate, he's fine," he soothes.  "Matt is fine. He's not the reason I'm here."

"Oh, thank God." Kate exhales with relief.  "Holy shit Oscar, you scared me."

"I'm sorry," he apogises sincerely. "I didn't mean to worry you like that. But I'm here because I am worried."

"What's up, Oscar?" She asks gently.

The words tumble from Oscar's mouth without hesitation, as though he is desperate to divulge the burden of a secret.

He tells Kate everything. He tells her about how his crush on you developed into something more meaningful, that you shared a kind of deep connection with each other that he couldn't quite explain. He details to Kate about the night he confessed his feelings to you and about the subsequent note you had written him - the one that apologised for wasting his time and that said you couldn't be friends anymore.

Kate listens with rapt fascination, cycling through a range of emotions throughout Oscar's monologue; she sways from astonishment to delight, from bemusement to dismay. By the time Oscar concludes his story Kate's own face has morphed into a sombre scowl.

"I can see why you're worried," she admits quietly. "It all worries me, too."

Oscar sighs heavily and buries his face in his hands. "I didn't know if I was just getting all wound up over nothing, but it just doesn't feel right to me, Kate. I had to come and see what you think."

Kate tentatively sets her mug of now lukewarm tea on the coffee table before her. "Well, I have been a little concerned that we haven't seen her around lately. But when I asked about it she just said work has been really busy."

Kate gives a sheepish shrug. "I didn't really give it much thought after that. But now, after what you have said...maybe we need to do something."

Oscar slumps back into the couch and slaps his hands down onto his thighs. "She doesn't want to see me, Kate. What can I do?"

"I'll talk to her," Kate says firmly. "I'll go check in with her, maybe at her house. And I won't tell her you came to see me, so don't worry about that."

Oscar stares at Kate with gloom clouding his large brown eyes . "Please let me know what she says as soon as you can, Kate. Please. I have to know she's alright."

The strain is evident on Oscar's face and Kate feels a twinge of pity tug at her heart. She hopes this is all a big misunderstanding, that the intensity of his feelings have caused him to misread things and that you are perfectly fine. But now a seed of doubt has been planted in Kate's mind and she cannot be sure.

She just pats his shoulder reassuringly. "I will, Oscar. I promise."

••••••

Kate felt an overwhelming urge to talk to Rhi and seek some kind of guidance. Rhi had always been the more pragmatic one in your friendship group, the one everyone confided in and went to for advice, and now Kate felt she needed to hear Rhi's perspective on this whole situation.

That afternoon Kate bundled herself into her thick woolen coat and set off to the town square. She walked briskly across the town square toward Rhi's work. The haberdashery is located on the main street of Jackson tucked between a leather goods store and a shoe repair shop. Because the block of businesses provide essential services to the community there is always a steady trickle of people coming and going and bustling around the street outside. That afternoon was no exception and Kate had to manoeuvre around a cluster of people spread outside the leatherworks.

An older lady trudged out of the haberdashery and bumped into Kate's shoulder as she passed, grumbling something about crocheting needles. Kate sniggered to herself at the thought of sassy Rhi taming ill tempered customers with her quick wit and sharp quips.

The inside of the store is more spacious than what its exterior suggests. There are display cupboards lined against the walls that are full of tapes of ribbon and differently coloured and patterned stacks of material. The service counter in the middle is surrounded by panels of fabric and measuring rulers, chalk and large scissors. Towards the back of the store are atleast half a dozen wooden desks arranged in neat rows with sewing machines sat ontop of them. There are women flitting about the store carrying armfuls of material and baskets of wool, needles and an assortment of other tools.

Kate spotted Rhi emerging from the storeroom at the very back with a panel of rolled fabric in her hands. When Rhi noticed Kate approaching, she smiled warmly, a serene look flooding over her pretty features.

"Hey babe, what's up? I have to say, it's a pleasant surprise to see you here." She dumped the roll onto the counter. "Cheered my day up instantly."

Kate grinned. "Really? That bad, huh?"

Rhi snorted and reached over the clutter on the counter to retrieve a pair of scissors. "Yep," she said, emphasising the 'p' with a pop. "If Mrs. Letterman comes in here one more time to complain that the yarn is subpar and that's why she keeps messing up her knitting, I'll fucking scream."

Kate laughed and gave her a companionable pat on the shoulder. "Ah, always so much drama in the world of textiles."

Rhi rolled her eyes jovially and prepared to cut a swath from the fabric roll. "Uh-huh. So why are you here on your day off? Bored so you've come to keep me company?"

Kate was suddenly reminded of why she is there in the first place. She cleared her throat and crossed her arms, her cheery demeanour visibly shifting into a more sober expression. Rhi was too busy snipping the material to notice the change in her friend.

"Well, you see...Oscar actually came to visit me this morning," Kate began carefully.

"Oscar the fox?" Rhi interrupted with a grin, eyes still on the task infront of her. "What did he want?"

Kate took a breath and then recited a brief description of Oscar's concerns to Rhi, omitting how Oscar confessed his love to you. Kate could see the depth of his candor and knew it was something to be respected and kept private.

Rhi listened and waited patiently for Kate to finish speaking, then laid down the scissors and turned to face her friend.

"Wait, let me get this right. You're worried because you haven't seen her around much and she seems sad?" Rhi asked, one eyebrow cocked skeptically.

Kate sighed and shoot Rhi an unimpressed look of reproach.

"Come on, Kate! She's in the honeymoon phase," Rhi exclaimed and threw up her hands. "She's probably too busy getting fucked out of her mind and in love and finally enjoying a man."

Kate, used to her friend's informal attitude and candid way of speaking, just rolled her eyes at Rhi's crassness.

"God knows she's needed it," Rhi said with a smirk. "Oscar's probably got a little thing for her and is jealous or something."

"It's more than that, I think," Kate sighed again.

"You guys are worrying for nothing. I spoke to Joel just last night and everything seemed fine."

"What? Really?" Kate's eyes widened in surprise.

Joel never talks to anyone outside his group of patrol buddies. Infact, Kate wonders how someone as seemingly antisocial as Joel and someone as shy as you ever got together in the first place.

"Yeah!" Rhi smiled brightly. "He came up to me at the cafeteria and asked me if Beau was leaving me alone - he was checking up on me! Can you believe?" Rhi sighed wistfully. "What a man! Anyways, he said she was tired and chilling at home after work, that she said she wanted him to say sorry on her behalf for being so busy."

"I don't know," Kate mumbled dubiously. "She never comes to the mess hall anymore, or to any movie night. When I went to the school to see her, she was...I dunno, like scatterbrained."

"Hmm," Rhi hummed.

She tapped her fingers on her chin as she considered a course of action. "Alright then, let's invite her out to dinner and see what she says. Then we can get all the juicy details and see how she really is."

Kate nodded. "Good idea. I'll go see her later. I just hope you're right and she's not hiding something."

"When it turns out that she's just been busy getting dicked down, you owe me," Rhi smiled teasingly.

Kate had accosted you as you were leaving the school. She enveloped you in a big hug and pleaded with you to come have dinner with her and the girls tomorrow night. She had caught you so off guard that you hurriedly agreed.

It was only afterwards, as you walked home, that reality sunk in. Why did you say yes when Joel was so adamant about you not going anywhere? How were you going to convince him to let you go out?

But you had missed your friends so much; you really did want to see them and spend time with them like the old days. You had to try. You owed them atleast that.

Despite not wanting to be subservient to Joel, you know you have to be humble and supplicating if you want him to grant you permission to go out tomorrow night. You can't be too assertive or demanding so you wait patiently until after dinner, when he has showered and changed into his night clothes. He is always so much more relaxed with food in his stomach and a fresh set of clothes on his back.

You approach Joel as he sits in his armchair nursing a glass of whiskey. You stand infront of him and clasp your hands behind your back, your fingers nervously twisting together. His eyes rake up and down your body and his jaw ticks. You cannot decipher what his mood is like right at this moment, although he seemed tranquil during dinner.

"Joel," you begin with a gentle tone. "I was wondering if I could go have dinner at the mess hall tomorrow night. Kate has asked me to go."

"What do you think the answer is?" He says without missing a beat.

"B-but this is important--"

"No," he mutters dismissively.

"Joel, it's just having dinner at the cafeteria, that is all," you explain calmly. "And I haven't seen the girls for so long."

"No."

"But they will be expecting me to go--"

"Girl if you think you have any chance of goin' out you are sorely fuckin' mistaken." Joel snaps irritably.

He leans forward and throws back his shot of whiskey, then slams it down on the table beside him. You flinch when he then heaves himself out of his chair and advances on you, but still you cannot stop the deluge of words that come tumbling out of your mouth.

"I'll have dinner ready and waiting for you and I'll have everything around the house--"

"I said no. How many goddamn times do I have to tell you?" Joel raises his voice. "You are comin' straight home from work and that's it."

"But I'm not working tomorrow--"

You and Joel are interrupted by the sudden crashing sound of the front door slamming shut. The heavy bang reverberates throughout the lower ground floor of the house ominously.

You freeze on the spot while Joel quickly moves infront of you, protective and immediately ready to pounce at any threat of danger. Your hands cling to the material of his shirt.

You aren't really scared because Joel is with you, but the possibility of someone forcing their way into the house is still disturbing. You take a furtive peek from behind the solid of his flank to see just what is going on.

A figure emerges from the shadow of the hallway to reveal themself.

Ellie.

She stands at the entry way of the living room, her eyebrows creased and her mouth pulled into a grimace. She stares hard at Joel. She looks pissed off.

"Ellie," Joel says gently, his posture slackening. You let go of Joel's shirt and sigh with relief.

"What the fuck, Joel?" She grits out, her voice tight.

How much of the conversation did she hear? You wonder. Joel says nothing. He just stays silent and stares back at Ellie.

You wish you could see his face.

"Why does she have to be home straight after work?" Ellie demands loudly.

"Mind your business, Ellie." Joel shoots back, his tone quiet and serious.

"No, I wanna know!"

You step out from behind Joel and approach Ellie slowly. You have no idea what exactly she heard Joel say but you have to try maintain the pretence that everything is normal.

"He didn't mean it like what you think, El," you say gently, placing a tentative hand on her shoulder.

"He didn't mean to tell you that you couldn't leave the fuckin' house?" Ellie spits bitterly, her eyes shifting between Joel and you.  "Because that's what it sounded like."

"Joel's just worried about my safety. There was a ranger who was bothering me and my friend at dinner a while ago. He was being threatening. Joel is just having a bit of trouble trusting that something like that won't happen again."

Your voice is soft and pacifying but even to your ears your words sound unconvincing and lame. You hate Joel for putting you in this position, for making you lie through your teeth to one of the most important people in your life.

Ellie stares at you, searching over your face. You can tell by the pinch of her brows and the uncertainty in her eyes that she's conflicted and doesn't know whether or not to believe you. When she doesn't move you take her hand in yours and give it a little squeeze.

"What's up, El? You come over for something to eat?" You ask, changing the topic while trying to sound more light-hearted. "I have some leftovers if you're hungry."

"I came over because I wanted to ask if you wanna get breakfast tomorrow," Ellie grumbles. "That's if you're allowed to." She shoots a pointed look at Joel.

"Yeah, I'd love that, El." You swiftly assure her, hoping the slightly breathless hitch in your voice doesn't give away the fact that your heart is racing. "It's my day off. We can even spend the whole day together, if you want."

Ellie's eyes drag from Joel to you and you give her an affirming little smile.

"Well, Uncle Tommy did set up the axe throwing thing again..." She says with an offhanded shrug.

You know this is Ellie's way of accepting your invitation; you bite back a smile, having to hide the relief that flows through you

"Awesome." You reply casually. "You can show me your skills tomorrow, then. Maybe even teach me how to do it."

She nods a little. "Cool."

The heavy tension in the air alleviates to some degree. You glance over at Joel; he's got his arms crossed and his eyes are fixated on Ellie, but like the typically stoic man he is, Joel gives no indication of what he's feeling or thinking.

"Do you wanna stay for a while?" You offer her.

With a flick of her wrist she flips the hood of her jacket up over her head. "Nah, gotta go meet Dina. I'll see ya tomorrow for breakfast."

"It's a date." You nod. "Meet you here at 8 and we can walk together."

"Okay." Ellie shifts hesitantly on her feet, glancing back to Joel and narrowing her eyes into suspicious slits. "You better not be acting like an asshole."

Joel rolls his eyes and scoffs. "I ain't. Now get outta here, kid."

You and Joel follow Ellie to the door to bid her goodnight. She stomps down the porch steps and shoves her hands into the pockets of her jacket. The lamps lining the street glow above Ellie's lithe silhouette as she walks away.

You feel the anxiety drain from your body and your body momentarily sags against the door frame. You and Joel watch Ellie right up until she disappears into the next street.

As soon as you retreat back inside the house Joel clicks the door shut behind you. He moves swiftly to cage you between himself and the wall. He glares down at you with threatening hostility.

"You hurt that girl and I swear to God..." He whispers as he stares down at you. The strain of repressed emotion makes the timbre of his Southern accent thicker.

Your face crumples and you feel the instant threat of hot tears sting your eyes. Does Joel really believe you would ever be capable of purposely hurting Ellie? For all this time you have being sheilding her from the truth of your relationship with Joel just so she can have some kind of stable family life. You can honestly attest to doing whatever you can not to hurt Ellie. Can Joel not see that?

"Come on, Joel. I'd never hurt Ellie." You can't hide the genuine hurt in your voice. "Didn't I just prove that?"

You duck underneath his arm to quickly scurry away but Joel's hand seizes your upper arm and halts you suddenly. His grip is bruising and hurts - as it seems to be every time he touches you now days.

You tilt your head to meet his eyes, your expression already listless and defeated.

"I'll let you go to breakfast with her...and this thing with your friends...but if you say one word to her or anyone about anything..." Joel gives a minute shake of his head and clenches his jaw.

There is a torrent of emotion swirling within his brown eyes, something that appears like a mix of sadness and worry and anger, but you don't care to scrutinise it. You have no energy or will to argue; you are so drained that you just want to go to bed and sleep.

"I won't," you whisper.

Joel studies your face for a few moments, as if he's weighing something up in his mind, and he eventually let's go of your arm without another word. You wrap your arms around yourself and scamper toward the stairs.

Breakfast with Ellie is pleasant, if not a little awkward. Neither of you mention last night and conversation seems stilted at times, but overall you both enjoy the other's company. Ellie so thrilled at the prospect of taking you axe throwing afterwards that you have to tell her to stop scoffing her scrambled eggs and toast.

As soon as you leave the dining hall Ellie grabs your arm and guides you across the town square toward the woolshed and the blacksmith workshop. She leads you to a secluded area behind the sheds that Tommy has cordoned off from the general public. Your mouth falls open in wonderous surprise when Ellie unveils the small axe throwing range Tommy has constructed. The range is shaped in a rectangle, with one end for throwing and the other for the targets.

On the target end, a row of three rounded archery butts have been assembled several feet apart from one another. An axe has been wedged into the centre of one of the butts. At the opposite end of the range, around twelve feet away, Tommy has marked a stripe on the ground to indicate where the axe thrower should stand. He has also used white paint to outline three separate lanes on the ground.

"Pretty fuckin' cool, huh?" Ellie grins widely, raptly watching your reaction.

"Yes! It's amazing!" You say, sincerely in awe as you survey your surroundings. "I can't believe Tommy did all this!"

"Yep, says I'm his favourite niece."

"Ellie, you're his only niece."

"Precisely why he has to do what I want," Ellie beams. "Now stand back and watch the master at work."

For the next hour Ellie demonstrates the skills she has acquired from Tommy and other townsfolk who are proficient in wielding weapons. She talks the whole time, alternating between explaining techniques she learned and retelling funny stories that they had shared with her. You watch each throw and listen to Ellie's every word, marvelling at her natural aptitude for the sport.

She looks back at you whenever the axe lands within the bullseye, and you cheer and clap with just the right amount of enthusiasm that won't make her feel awkward. The proud smirk Ellie wears makes your heart sing.

You and Ellie stay at the range for a while. You even try your hand at throwing the axe a few times, making you both laugh hysterically when you fail. You are doubled over giggling when a silky, gravelly voice startles you both.

"Atleast if anythin' ever happens to ya, you'll have Ellie to save your ass."

You both whip around to find Tommy standing by the makeshift door, thumbs hooked in his belt loops and a wide grin plastered on his handsome face.

"Oh no, how long have you been standing there for?" You groan, your cheeks blushing with embarrassment.

"Long enough to see why you ain't never worked a patrol shift," Tommy teases.

"Hey, leave her alone," Ellie slings her arm around your neck defensively. "I'm gonna teach her and then the both of us will make you eat shit."

Tommy barks a hearty laugh. "I don't doubt it, El." He ambles over to you both and gives you a wink. "Now let me have a turn to show off."

The afternoon at the range is even more fun with Tommy around. The three of you take turns throwing, with both of them teaching you how to properly aim and launch until you actually hit the target. You can't recall the last time you genuinely enjoyed yourself so much.

When you arrive back home, your soul singing and your spirits high, Joel is waiting for you on the porch swing like a disapproving father. The smile on your face drops as soon as you spot his glower, and you slink up the porch steps like a dog about to be scolded.

You drag your feet as you walk through the front door, Joel trailing behind you wordlessly like an ominous shadow.

You should have known he'd make you pay your penance for today.

••••••

"Watch," Joel demands gruffly, voice low and thick with desire.

He uses the hand tangled in your hair to wrench your head back so you are staring at the bathroom mirror. He towers behind you, still fully dressed with only his cock free from his jeans, while you stand completely naked before him. The cold air of the room makes you shiver, your bare flesh prickling with goosebumps.

He kicks your legs apart and grabs your ass cheek with his other hand, digging his fingers into you painfully. You hiss and try to squirm away but his nails only press into you further and hold you tighter.

Joel leans forward and licks a thick stripe from your the base of your neck up to your ear, where he plants a soft kiss on your earlobe. His beard tickles you and his warm breath beats against your skin.

"Watch yourself get fucked." He whispers.

You have no other option.

Joel stoops ever so slightly to line the weeping head of his cock against the slit of your cunt. He bows his head and spits a warm wad of saliva onto where you connect to lubricate himself. Then he wastes no time pushing into you, groaning at the way your heat slips around him, how fucking perfect you feel at the first stretch. You moan involuntarily and he feels your pussy clench around him while your legs tremble.

Joel loves how much your body still desires his, even after all this time, even after all your efforts to push him away. He watches your reflection intently and smirks at the way your brows knit together and your mouth hangs open.

Joel slides his cock all the way inside your pussy and fills you completely, then quickly retracts his hips and pulls out again. He slams back in forcefully and relishes how you wince and gasp, taking pleasure in the fact that he knows you feel like you're being split in two, that the initial thrusts always hurt you, even more so when he hasn't prepared you at all.

"Don't forget who makes the fuckin' rules around here, little girl," Joel gruffs.

Joel had begrudgingly agreed to let you go meet up with your friends tonight. He couldn't possibly say no after Ellie had walked in on your argument together. That would just confirm her suspicions about what a controlling asshole he is.

But Joel could still prove to you just who was in charge. And that's exactly what he was doing right now.

His hand is wound tightly in your hair, making it impossible for you to move. He uses it as an anchor while he begins to pound into you at a steady pace, powerful and hard. Each punch of his fat cock pushes the air from your lungs and makes you grip tighter to the bathroom vanity.

Doggystyle has always been one of Joel's favourite positions. He loves sinking his fingers into the curves of your waist and your hips as he watches your ass jiggle from the impact of his thrusts. He revels in how pliant you become, unable to control how fast or hard he drills into you. He relishes in just how fucking animalistic it is.

Joel is able to see your every microexpression reflected in the mirror infront of you both and he wants you to see yourself, too; to see how utterly he wrecks you, how pathetic you look when you're blissed out and drunk on his cock.

When he had cornered you in the bathroom as you prepared to shower. You had struggled feebly, tried to fight him off, but you both knew it was impossible for you to escape him.

You stare back at him now with half lidded eyes, vacant yet consumed, body weak and malleable as he hammers into you. Joel can read the shame on your face, the embarrassment you feel that he is both the one you hate and the one who pleasures your body so expertly.

Joel snaps his hips into your ass over and over and his balls smack against your skin, loud and lewd in the echo of the bathroom. He pushes down on your lower spine while tugging your head firmly backward, causing your back to bow. The change of angle allows the head of his cock to hit your gspot and the sensation pulls a raspy moan from deep in your throat.

"Yeah, there it is," Joel growls, his wolfish stare transfixed on your reflection.

He cants his hips so that he taps against the soft spongy spot repeatedly, over and over with every thrust, and soon your pussy  begins to contract around his dick, signalling your impending climax.

Your eyes are half closed, vision unfocused, your bottom lip caught inbetween your teeth. Joel snakes his hand around your front and slips his fingers between your lips to press on your clit. Your thighs shake and you moan wantonly as he begins rubbing the sensitive spot in sloppy circles.

"Cum on my cock," Joel pants, "I know you're close, baby, give it to me."

He slams into you harder and faster while he grunts like a wild animal, his dark orbs hyper focused on your fucked out expression in the mirror. He keeps his thick fingers pressed to your clit with just the right amount of pressure and speed that he knows will make you come apart on his dick.

Your jaw goes slack and your eyes shut tightly. He knows how humiliated you feel and it only makes him more determined. He wants to violate every inch of your body and your mind until he's all you can feel and taste.

Joel jerks your head sharply.

"Eyes open," he barks, "look at me when  you cum."

Your eyes flutter open to meet his reflection and a only a few seconds later your orgasm hits. Joel pummels your cunt relentlessly and you keen loudly from the waves of blissful pleasure he has forced upon your body.

You look so fucking gorgeous, he thinks.

Joel frees his hand from your hair and gives your rump a harsh smack that leaves a stinging red mark on your skin.

"Fuck yeah," Joel moans, "can feel that pussy milkin' me, babydoll."

He continues to rub your clit throughout the high of your climax, wanting to prolong your pleasure until you are overstimulated and desperate for him to stop. He grins when your eyes roll back and he feels a gush of your juice drip down his girth and his balls.

"There you go, pretty slut," Joel murmers.

Soon it becomes too much for your swollen clit and your thighs clamp around his hand. You shake your head and gasp.

"Stop," your voice comes out weak and wrecked. "Enough, please."

The sensation of your muscles squeezing around his cock is so deliciously intense that Joel's own orgasm comes quicker than expected. When he feels his balls tighten Joel abruptly removes his hand from your clit and swiftly withdraws from your aching pussy. He holds tightly to your hip and furiously jerks his cock a few times before shooting ropes of warm cum all over your ass and lower back. He groans like a beast, chest heaving, his orgasm hitting him in one big intense wave.

When Joel is finished and his balls are empty he staggers backwards and stuffs his cock back into his jeans. He admires the streaks he has painted on your skin and how his spend drips across the faint white scars on your ass; it fills him with proud gratitication, as it always does to see you so degradingly marked by him.

He is uncaring when your legs give out and you sink to the cold tiled floor. He doesn't speak to you or look at your face when he pushes past you and walks out of the bathroom. He just leaves you alone to clean up the mess he's made, as he always does.

••••••

After you shower you don't complain when Joel stands at the closet and selects he outfit you would wear tonight (a simple long sleeved navy coloured dress with thick black tights). You wear your hair pulled back in a basic ponytail so that the necklace he gifted you is clearly visible.

You listen dutifully and don't talk back when he outlines the stipulations of tonight's outing; that you are only to talk to women at the hall, that you stay in his line of sight at all times, and that you can only stay an hour and a half tops.

Joel escorts you to the mess hall with his hand resting possessively on your lower back. He's not as anxious as he had anticipated but the familiar knot of aversion still sits heavy in his stomach. Regardless of his inner conflict Joel keeps his head held high as he walks into the hall beside you.

All your friends are already at a table and when they spot you they wave excitedly.

God damn, anyone would think you had been gone for years, the way these girls are behaving.

Joel politely greets your friends and awkwardly watches as they take turns hugging you and gushing about how much they have missed you.

Joel doesn't stick around. He goes to the serving station to get a tray of food and then finds a seat at an empty table not too far away from yours. A few minutes later Tommy shows up and joins him.

They eat in companionable silence for a while. Joel isn't in the mood to talk, too preoccupied with sneaking glances your way to maintain conversation. He didn't want to let you out of his sight for a minute - not that he actually thought you'd run away or something, but the paranoia was starting to get to him. He had to be vigilant. Joel didn't want other people taking up your precious time but he also didn't want you to have any opportunity to betray him.

What if you were telling your stupid bitch friends all about your private business? Joel is sure they would drag you away from him. Then they would go crying to Maria and the council, and there would be no way in hell that they'd listen to his side of the story. Ellie would fucking hate him. Your life together would be ruined.

But thankfully for Joel there didn't appear to be any indication of that happening tonight. He watches you sat amongst your friends, all of them talking and giggling exuberantly around you. It appeared to be a happy little reunion, however Joel noticed a clear contrast between you and the others; your reserved smile and tired, dull eyes didn't match their more cheerful expressions. It almost appeared as though you didn't want to be there.

Joel had not realised just how much he was staring until Tommy coughed a little to get his attention.

"You're like a damn dog with a bone," Tommy snorts. "She ain't goin' anywhere, Joel."

"Don't know what you're talkin' about." Joel mutters, finally tearing his eyes away from you. He picks up a piece of bread and mops up some of the gravy on his plate with it.

"You've been starin' at her since the moment I sat down."

"Fuck off, Tommy," Joel bristles. "Just makin' sure she's safe."

Tommy chuckles. "From what? She's sittin' with her friends. And you made that Beau boy shit his pants. You think any man would dare try anythin' after that?"

Joel says nothing in reply. What Tommy had said was true - now your relationship is public knowledge no man in the whole of Jackson would even think of trying to flirt with you.

"Anyway, how's the domestic side of things goin'?" Tommy grins. "You two love birds think' of sealin' the deal?"

Joel glances up from his plate and his brow creases. "If you're talkin' marriage that ain't gonna happen."

"You told your girl that?" Tommy asks with an amused little smirk.

"What?"

"Have ya'll talked about the future? You might not want all that, but ever thought she might?"

Joel knows Tommy isn't being argumentative or intrusive, that his younger brother is just being the romantic dreamer he always has been, but he raises a good point. Joel actually hadn't given much thought to marriage with you, or even talked with you about it, although he suspects it is something you do (or did) want.

Joel shifts uncomfortably in his chair and goes back to concentrating on his dinner. "Not everybody wants that kinda thing, Tom."

Tommy hums in agreement. "That's true," he concedes. "She just gives me the impression of bein' the kind that wants that kinda thing."

"What do you mean?" Joel asks lowly. "What'd she say?"

"Aw it was nothin'. We were just talkin' a bit at the range today, mainly about school 'n all that." Tommy says plainly before taking a bite of the roasted meat on his fork. "Said she was lonely at times, wants more in life."

More in life? What the fuck does that even mean? Why were you talking to Tommy about your life anyway?

"She's fine," Joel mutters, his voice sharp with vexation.

The topic of conversation changes when out of nowhere Troy slams his tray down onto the table and takes a seat next to Joel.

"Tommy if you roster me on with that Deacon son of a bitch one more time you'll have a homicide on your hands," Troy announces.

Troy greets Joel with a friendly slap to the shoulder before starting a diatribe about the latest incident to happen on patrol with Percy Deacon, one of the newly trained rangers that most of the others can't stomach.

Tommy chimes in occasionally while Joel partly listens to Troy's grievances. He continues to periodically observe you, careful not to look for too long lest Tommy teases him once more. Time passes and Joel finds himself actually starting to relax.

Until Oscar walks in.

Joel clocks Oscar the second he enters the crowded hall. He's talking to his friend, that Matt kid, but once his gaze lands on you he stops speaking completely. Oscar openly fixates on you, practically fawning over you.

How dare he fucking stare at you like that.

Joel watches you glance up and lock eyes with Oscar. You're transfixed on him for only a few moments, but the gesture is meaningful and intimate. It makes Joel's blood boil.

Tommy witnesses the loaded exchange and instantly knows what's going on.

"Joel--" Tommy begins to say, but Joel is already standing up and stalking over to your table.

A hush falls over your table when he approaches. He doesn't pay attention to any of your friends when he bends down to whisper in your ear.

"We're goin' - you got one minute to say goodbye. I'll be waitin' outside."

Joel strides out of the dining hall without looking back. The night air hits his face in a refreshing, chilly blast but it does nothing to dampen the jealous rage that burns through his whole body. His jaw clenches tight and his hands itch to punch something.

Soon Tommy is by his side, his barrel chest knocking against Joel's shoulder. "What the fuck was that, Joel?"

Joel glowers at him and just shakes his head, but Tommy can read his expression clearly.

"They're just friends. Ya can't stop people from bein' friendly, Joel." Tommy implores.

"I don't care. She ain't for him." Joel snarls.

"What are you gonna do, Joel?" Tommy hisses. "Gonna kill any man that looks at her? Lose your shit whenever things don't go your way?"

"You don't know a goddamn thing," Joel growls back. "You don't know what loss is, Tommy."

"I haven't been through loss like you have," Tommy's voice quivers slightly. "But I don't wanna see you go through it again, brother. And if you keep doin' this shit tryin' to protect her it could happen. Violence ain't the way to keep a person close to you."

"Didn't lose Ellie," Joel retorts firmly. Tommy immediately understands what Joel is implying and nods.

"Hell of alotta difference between a hospital of Fireflies and half the population of Jackson, Joel." Tommy argues back soberly.

"I'd do it all over again if I had to," Joel asserts.

"I knew it." A voice suddenly spits out. "I fuckin' knew it."

Joel and Tommy whirl around to see Ellie standing behind them. Joel feels his blood run cold in his veins at the sight of her young face scrunched in anger and betrayl.

"Ellie," he croaks pathetically. "I--"

"I hate you," she seethes, teeth clenched. "I fucking hate you."

Before he can even plead with her to let him explain Ellie is running away from the brothers, her figure disappearing into the night shadows like a creature fleeing from peril.

Joel wants to call out to her but his throat is so dry it feels like sandpaper. He can't hear what Tommy is saying over the rush of blood pumping in his ears. His heart is galloping so hard in his chest that he feels on the precipice of a heart attack. He stands frozen in place but his brain is a discombobulated mess of invasive thoughts.

Ellie knows about the Fireflies.

She hates you.

She fucking hates you.

You've lost her forever.

You failed her, just like you failed Sarah and Tess.

You've lost everything.

He cannot hear Tommy's panicked voice shouting his name. He can't see or feel his little brother grasping tight to his shoulders and shaking him. Joel's vision goes black and he can't breathe. All he can feel is his heart physically tear in half and his lungs crush under the weight of this catastrophic devastation. He's sure he's dying, that the sweet relief of eternal black is finally claiming him and ending his miserable existence on his earth.

But then your voice is pulling him back. You are calling his name over and over, your angelic voice piercing through the canvas of darkness with pinpricks of blinding white light. His senses seep back into his body one by one until he is aware of your hands cradling his face and your big worried orbs staring up into his.

Joel's vision clears and he is greeted by your own beautiful face. You look like an angel. His precious angel.

Overwhelming relief and adoration flood through his whole body.

I still have you, he wants to say. You're still here. I can't lose you, too.

"Joel, brother, are you alright?" Tommy is right beside him, brows knitted with worry.

"'M okay Tom," Joel is somehow able to mumble through the dissipating fog of dissociation. "'M fine."

Tommy retreats back a step and watches you embrace Joel and stroke his hair, as if soothing a spooked horse. Joel appears calm but the only coherent thought he can identify rattling around in his brain is to escape - to run away from Jackson and leave this life behind. He has nothing here now. You and he have nothing left here.

Joel abruptly takes hold of your bicep and stalks away from Tommy. You stumble in shock as he drags you but he doesn't stop. Tommy calls out to him, desperate and pleading, but his voice is nothing but white noise to Joel.

It's time for you to leave Jackson.

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[joelsfavoritegirl]

more pre-outbreak joel hcs because this man takes up every square inch of my mind<33

. let’s be real he lives for sports, joel is the type of guy to invite tommy and all his friends over js to watch the “big game” (and he’s manning that barbecue 100% and doesn’t let anyone get near it, it’s just him cooking on it and he ends up missing half the game because of it but oh well)

. the driest fucking texter on the face of the earth i swear, his number one response to almost any message you send is just 👍 and then he’s confused later on when you assume that he’s upset

“are you mad at me?”

his head turns to your direction, brows furrowed and raised, “what?”

“are you mad at me?” you repeat, fingers fiddling with the hem of your shirt as you look at him.

he hesitates for a moment, like he’s almost about to ask if you’re mad at him. “no, sweets, i ain’t mad. why would i be mad at you?” he drawls, turning to face you fully.

“cause earlier when i told you i was gonna be home later you just replied with a thumbs up. you didn’t say anything else.”

“oh not this again- “

. WAS THE BIGGEST HISTORY NERD IN SCHOOL, ik that boy knew anything and everything if you asked him. history was the one subject he had straight a’s from no joke. remembers years and numbers like he was born for it, it’s srsly fascinating.

“napoleon bonaparte died which year?” the voice of the host of the game show booms from the tv. your eyes are flickering over the answers on the screen as you look away from your book for a second.

“may 5th, 1821,” joel mutters, his head comfortably settled in your lap as you card your fingers through his hair.

it makes you frown down at him, scoffing softly before you look back at the screen.

“1840,” the contestant replies and the buzzer practically defeans you, indicating that it’s the wrong answer.

“a couple years off there, Roger,” the host chuckles, flashing that unnatural white-teeth smile to the man, “napoleon died on the 5th of may, 1821”

and joel is chuckling in your lap, patting your thigh in victory as he watches your dropped jaw.

“i was a history buff in high school, what can i say?”

. i also feel like joel would’ve actually been a pretty smart kid (we don’t talk about him thinking the rover in the museum in tlou2 was the real one from mars), i also definitely think he went to music high school parallel with normal high school (he was a band kid through and through you can’t convince me otherwise). hardworking, smart, a bit of a goody-two-shoes if you squint, would’ve probably gone off to a decent college/university if it wasn’t for sarah’s appearance (wrap it before you tap it kids!!)

. type of guy to scoff whenever people say their favorite holiday is valentine’s day but you know damn well he’s got it marked on his calendar so he can remember to buy you some nice flowers and take you out to some fancy date (and fuck the shit out of you when you get home but that’s a whole other story). you tease him about it every year but he just brushes it off (his cheeks are red and he has to clear his throat bcs he himself knows it’s true and he’s too much of a gentleman to fully deny it)

literally the loml it’s critical atp<33

[pforpedro]

TWIN FLAME

Joel Miller x Reader

WARNINGS: Smut! (No spoilers), 18+ content, Reader is aged up, Joel being a protective dad, rough Joel with a hint of softness, not proofread, MINORS DNI.

SUMMARY: [SET PRE APOCALYPSE, Joel is 36, reader is 25] Joel thinks he’s got the hold over you, the upper hand for sure, that is until you challenge him and he discovers maybe he’s met his match.

Silence.

Is what Joel Miller craved for in the early hours of Tuesday morning. Birds sung loudly by the window sill, the sounds of voices flowing through the halls and squeezing between the crack in his bedroom door. He craved for just five more minutes.

“Daaaaaad!”

He grunted softly, burrowing his head deep into the pillow.

“Daaaad! Breakfast is ready!” Sarah called from the kitchen, followed by giggles and the crash of a frying pan hitting the porcelain floor tiling.

“Oh, shit!” You jumped backwards as pancake mixture splashed everywhere, splatters of liquid landing on your sheer tights.

“You’re literally the clumsiest person I know,” Sarah sighed, grabbing a cloth from the counter top and throwing it at you. You stuck out your tongue in dismay before crouching down and mopping up the liquid with the rag.

“He rises!” Sarah called, her voice following the footsteps that assented into the kitchen.

“Who you talkin’ to?”

“That would be me,” you smiled sheepishly, reaching a hand out above the counter top and waving towards the stairway while you continued to clean the residue seeping into the cracks between the tiles, “hey I hope you don’t mind but I think I broke your frying pan?”

“What, the third one this month?” Joel sighed, joking, but equally unamused.

“At least Y/N wakes up on time to make pancakes, for you might I add,” Sarah swatted her dads shoulder playfully as he took a seat at the small table just outside the kitchen.

“Ain’t you supposed to be at work?” Joel quizzed from the table, reaching out the grasp an apple from the fruit bowl as he flicked open the newspaper.

Your head popped up from behind the counter, tossing the rag into the sink and peering over at the older male, “ain’t you old enough to work an alarm?” You smirked playfully, “yeah, no, Zena is covering my shift this morning.”

“Why?” Joel pushed, biting down into the rosy apple clasped between his fingers.

“Never you mind,” you swooned, stepping out from behind the counter. His eyes fell to you like a sack of sugar, scanning you up and down. Your legs were laced in sheer black tights, hips sporting some high rise black torn shorts, oversized shirt which tied in the middle with ‘The Exorcist’ logo panning across the chest.

“Take a picture, it might last longer,” Sarah mumbled beneath her breath as she nudged her dads shoulder playfully, earning a glare from him. Sarah had soon caught on to her fathers not so subtle crush on you, and she figured the feelings were mutual considering the way you spoke to one another. Teasing, sometimes not so playfully. You were like an older sister to Sarah, so albeit it seemed a little strange, it was also funny watching the way you interacted with one another.

“C’mon, I’ll drop you off at school, pick you a breakfast bagel up on the way,” you raised your brows as you checked the clock, glancing over at Sarah and tilting your head slightly.

“Uh, uh, no way,” Joel protested, standing from the small round table, “you’re not getting on the back of that thing, I already told you that.”

“She has a spare helmet?” Sarah argued, gesturing towards you standing by the coat wrack.

“I already told you, no. No motorcycles.”

“Oh, c’mon old man, I know you’ve sported at least one in your lifetime,” you teased, folding your arms across your chest. He turned to you with a hardened stare, asking you as politely as he could muster not to push this further.

Sarah sighed, knowing there was no part arguing with him. Once he had his mind set, it was like pulling a sword from stone.

“You can take the bus, I’ll give you cash,” he spoke as he dug his hand into his back pocket, pulling out a five dollar bill.

“I got it,” you planted your hand on the table, sliding another five dollar bill across the fine wood, “covers the frying fan,” you scrunched your nose as you turned to Joel, seeing his expression fall as you smiled.

“Alright, fine,” he deducted the green note in his hand, tucking it back into his pocket, “c’mon you’re gonna be late,” he swiped his brow, ushering Sarah towards the door as he checked the time.

You made your way back into the kitchen whilst they said their goodbyes, picking up the rag in the kitchen sink and running the tap over it leisurely, watching as the pancake mix slowly began to run clean off the rag and down the sink hole.

You hadn’t heard the door close, the sound of the water hitting the basin of the sink drowning out the sounds around you, so when two firm hands caged you in against the kitchen counter your breath hitched suddenly. You flicked off the tap, relaxing as your senses were filled with Joel, his scent consuming you entirely.

“Can I help you with something?” You smirked devilishly, teasing him as you turned your head over your shoulder, catching his hooded eyes glaring at you. His hand snaked around your hip delicately, mapping out each curve carefully as his finger pads slid between your thighs.

This was something you had been longing for, and you couldn’t deny it any longer.

You’d been teasing Joel for the last few weeks just waiting for him to break, each time becoming a little more promiscuous. You figured it wouldn’t be long before he finally caved, but he held out strong. You weren’t sure why today was the day, but you weren’t complaining.

“You think you’re fuckin’ smart? Teasing me like that?” His voice was deep and gruff, breath hot as it fanned against the crook in your neck, his nose bumping your jaw as he placed it there carefully. You were yet to see this side of Joel, usually so loving and fatherly. This deepens, dark, dominant side made your skin shiver with excitement.

You bit your lip with a smile, cocking your brow as you spun in his embrace to face him, hands resting back against the counter, “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” your smirk drove him crazy, feeling the warmth of your hand slither between your bodies that were practically pressed together, groping his hardening length that pulsed hard behind his jeans, “but I think whatever it was… worked.”

If anything, you had this coming. You’d had your eyes on Joel for the last few months and you’d made that clear. Yes, he was your best friend going on younger sisters dad, but the heart wants what it wants, and the moment you caught his eyes staring you knew you had it in the bag.

He grasped your hips harshly, turning your back to face him, “you gonna act like a slut I’m gonna fuckin’ treat you like one.”

The sound of your shorts tearing made your heart skip a beat, his rough hands palming the plump of your ass cheek through your tights as he pressed his cock against you.

“Those where my favourite shorts,” you cursed, feeling the material drop to your feet as you took a step back, spinning on your heels and lacing your arm around his neck as you stepped into his space, drawing him out until his back slammed against the fridge, “you’re gonna pay for that.”

“Make me,” he groaned, lunging forward and pressing his lips to yours. The kiss was heated from the get go, tongues fighting for dominance as his hand snaked down, hiking your thigh over his hip, your toes pressing into the cold metal of the fridge door as he ripped oxygen from your lungs.

All the pent up energy of longing looks, bending over a little too far whenever he was around, leaning against the doorframe so you could see the way his top rode just far enough up his torso to reveal the lining of his boxers was pouring into your lips. This wasn’t passion, this was desperation. This wasn’t want, this was need.

Your hand grasped his hair forcefully, fingers interlocking with his loose curls and tugging without mercy. He groaned softly at the sudden pain in his scalp, chin tilting to the ceiling as you held him there, licking a bold stripe up the length of his throat making him shiver.

Finally, someone who knew how to have a little fun.

You weren’t afraid to make those moves, because you knew travelling south, he was already mewling droplets of pre cum for you. You loosened your grip as you retracted your tongue into the warmth of your mouth, locking eyes with Joel as he dropped his chin back down to face you, “upstairs. Now.”

You stumbled up the steps as Joel tagged hot on your heels, kissing your neck fiercely as you breached the doorway. His large hands clasped the backs of your thighs, pulling you clean off your feet and laying you down against the mattress. You watched closely, chest heaving with heavy breaths as he tore off his shirt, tossing it down by the side of the bed and made quick work of his belt.

“Wait,” you leaned upwards quickly before he could discard the leather strap to the comfort of the carpet. Lacing your fingers around it delicately you peered up through lust filled eyes, “tie me up.”

“Fuck, you little slut,” he groaned, grasping the back of your hair and tugging harshly eliciting a strong gasp from the back of your throat. The pain was almost pleasurable as he held you there without menace, looking down at you with a sickening smirk.

“Dirty thing, aren’t you?” He hummed, “hands, now.”

You raised your hands before you as he released the grip on your head. Wrapping the leather around your wrists set your heart on fire, watching as he calculated the amount of times it swirled around before buckling it shut and tugging harshly, making sure it was secured in place.

“You haven’t even undressed me yet,” you smirked, brow ticking upwards slightly as he looked at you in realisation.

“Fuck it,” he groaned, grasping you by the hips and throwing you backwards. You adored the way he man handled you. Crawling above you slowly, he looked as though he was sent from above. So beautiful, sexy and delicate, yet hot and writhing with lust at the same time.

After hovering above you for a moment he sat to attention, thumbs sliding between the gap of his jeans and V line, slowly beginning to glide them down his muscular legs. You watched in awe as his cock sprang free, veins protruding, tip an angry red as it weeped his heavenly seed.

Your mouth ran dry, clit pulsing. You thought it was enough to make you cum on the spot. That was until he began touching himself, wrapping his bold fingers around the base and pumping slowly.

“Jesus, Joel,” you whimpered, rubbing your thighs together to try and gain some kind of friction. He tsk’d at your poor attempt to relieve the pressure gaining between your legs, chuckling lowly as his hands dropped from his cock to your legs. You jumped at the sudden touch, raising your arms above your head.

“That’s it, princess,” he smirked. His idle fingers graced you delicately, panning their route from your hip bone down to your heated thighs, “no underwear… dirty girl,” his breathing fell shallow at the faint scent of your arousal beginning to consume his senses.

“Please, Joel,” you whispered, lightly bucking your hips to him, begging for attention. He hooked his finger deep into the material of your rights and began tugging, shredding the material to gain access to your pulsing clit.

“Don’t hold back,” he breathed softly catching your attention. Before you could question his words he licked a bold, solid stripe up the length of your heat, watching your head fall back against the mattress, spine arching in ecstasy. The sounds you made only drove him on, collecting your arousal on his tongue to taste you in full.

“So fuckin’ sweet,” he moaned, large hands kneading the flesh of your thighs as he raised them over his shoulders, pulling you closer to his mouth. All the while he bathed in the pool of your rich taste, his hips had began to grind against the fabric of the quilt covering the mattress in a helpless attempt to relieve the pressure.

“Joel!” You squealed as his nose bumped your clit, the tip of his tongue swirling your hole in the process.

“Joel- Joel!” The hollow in your tone snatched his actions to a halt, sensing the way your stomach began to clench and hands fondled with the bed sheets that you were gaining on your orgasm.

“Asshole!” You cursed, raising your head from the mattress to see him smirking at you, wiping his chin with the back of his hand.

“That’s no way to speak to me now, is it? After everything I’ve just given you,” without breaking eye contact he lowered his hands, grasping your thighs and tugging you close, “after everything I’m about to give to you,” he continued, suddenly feeling his tip at your entrance which had your teeth gnawing into your bottom lip.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” you chanted with desperation, legs squirming in his grasp, “please, Joel, please-“

“Please what?”

“Fuck me!” You gasped, digging your heels down to pull him closer. Your eyes clenched shut as you felt his tip spread you wide, filling you inch by inch at a steady pace without halt despite your screams.

“Fuckin’ christ, Y/N,” he whimpered, your name sounding like heaven as it rolled off his tongue, “so fucking tight, so wet… so warm.”

“All for you, Joel,” you panted weakly, clenching around him making him wince. Not a second passed that he allowed you to adjust before he set a brutal pace, fucking into you without mercy. If it was desperation before you weren’t quite sure what to call this.

It was rough, your lungs burned from the screams that tore from your throat as you took everything he gave to you. He railed you without mercy, hips slamming into your core, tip working to rearrange the position of your organs. The sound of skin on skin filled the entirety of the house and you knew there was a possibility the whole neighbourhood could hear his name rolling off the tip of your tongue. He was needy, desperate but all the while managing to keep up the pace, never once letting slip. He pulsed as he rocked, grasping handfuls of flesh in a desperate plea to pull you closer, optimising for the ultimate option of holding you chest to chest.

Your teeth sank into your bottom lip as he continued the brutal pace, breasts bouncing in unison to his thrusts. To the sudden taste of drawn blood you heard him curse, his cock delving deep into your core as he neared his end to the finish line.

“S-slow down,” you whimpered, “this doesn’t have to end, n-not yet,” you begged, not wanting the sensation of his cock deep inside you to dissipate within a moments notice. You’d craved this feeling for so long and you knew he felt the same.

“You’re too good for me,” he groaned, rolling his hips just as hard, but slowing in pace, “don’t know how badly I wanna f-fill you up,” he turned to face you as he spoke, eyes drifting down to your plump lips smothered in crimson.

“You’re bleeding,” he swallowed, “your lip, it’s bleeding.”

“Don’t go soft on me now,” you smirked breathlessly as the soft underbelly of his nature crawled through the cracks. He smiled softly, bringing his spare hand to your lip as he stilled within you, resting his length inside your core as the pad of his thumb drew softly against the indent in your lower lip.

You watched with shimmery eyes as he wiped the blood away, locking onto your iris with his own as he held you tight. You could suddenly feel the heat as it rushed to your cheeks, the vulnerability shining through. There were no words that were spoken as you felt the absence of need, just his soft lips on yours. The wound stung from a moment as his saliva mixed with your own, but then the passion sank in.

He lowered you softly as his kisses deepened and the pace of his thrusts turned soft, loving you in a subtle sort of way. His hands reached upwards slowly, pulling away from your lips to release you from your leather chains. Your wrists were sore from friction, but where erased upon feeling the softness of his cheeks against the palm of your hand.

The slam of a door suddenly echoed through the home, making your heart slam against your rib cage.

“Dad?” Sarah’s voice rang clear from the kitchen. Your eyes sprung wide, fighting against one another to pull away from your grip.

“Stay here,” Joel demanded as he grasped his jeans from the floor and departed out into the hallway in a hurry, straightening out his unruly hair as he paced, slamming the door behind him.

Breathless, you sat on the bed, covering yourself with a pillow and a dumb, childish smile came to your cheeks. As stupid as it was and as surreal as this all seemed, you had gained confirmation that the magic you had worked to win Joel Millers attention had worked.

Who’s to say it wouldn’t work again in the future?

This story was yet to be finished, and you couldn’t wait to read those final pages.

[misspearly1]

Hush

Pairing: Joel Miller x You (F!Reader) 

Summary: There are many benefits to renting an apartment with your best friend; you can split the cost of bills and keep the spare cash, thus fattening your savings in the bank. The only downside however, is bringing your Texas born and raised boyfriend back to your place and trying to stay quiet when things become a little intimate between you and the man.

Keeping quiet proves to be a difficult task, especially since he can’t keep his hands off you, and when you become a little too vocal in the bedroom, well… he has to hush you. 

WC: 3.9k

Warnings: 18+ Content. Minors DNI. TLOU AU; the outbreak never happened in this story. Established Relationship. Date Night in the city. Teasing/Flirting. Kissing. Hand Holding. Smut. References of Public Sex/Foreplay. Mentions of Oral Sex. Unprotected PIV Sex (wrap it up irl folks). Rough Bathroom Sex. Joel holding his hand over Readers mouth to keep her quiet. Squirting. Soft aftercare and lots of Fluff. If I have missed anything in the warnings, please don’t hesitate to call it out, thanks! 

AN: Oh, how I miss writing oneshots for this sexy fella. I really enjoyed this one, my loves. I hope you like it as well. 🥰

Living in the heart of Austin, Texas wasn’t your first choice, hell, it wasn’t even your second choice, but you’ve lived in the city for five years now and there’s a lot of things you're going to miss when you eventually move out of your apartment and buy your first house. 

You’ll miss the serenity of waking up before everyone else and walking to work when the streets are almost bare and light with traffic. It’s calm and pleasant during those hours of the morning, and you’ll miss visiting all of your local cafes and coffee shops too, especially the owners and workers you’ve become friends with since you’re one of their regulars. You’ll miss living with your roommate too and all the things you’ve grown to love here.

Venturing out into the city on a Friday evening however, is not something you are going to miss. It’s what you consider to be the busiest day of the week since people are finishing work and heading into the weekend with a lot of steam and wild energy to blow off. Even though the nightlife of Austin has only just begun, you’re glad to be heading home to escape the mayhem. It’s much too busy for your comfort. You feel claustrophobic and suffocated.

The sidewalks are flooded with a slow-moving stream of pedestrians, the restaurants and clubs thronging with partygoers spilling out the doorways - their chatter, screaming or fighting deafening your ears - and the pavement you walk along is wet and sticky from spilled booze and food.

Oh yeah. This won't be missed, you thought with slight disgust. The streets will be cleaned tomorrow morning, but it’s a shame to see them so messy and littered with trash. Frankly, you would have much preferred to stay home this evening, but what brought you outside this busy Friday night was the guy you’re seeing - who is currently opening a cab door for you both to climb inside and make a swift getaway.

The night might have just begun for some people in the city, but yours is coming to a blissful end, and after you had practically thrown yourself into the backseat, eager to get home and relax, he jumped in after you with the same sense of enthusiasm and gave the cab driver your address instead of his, thus making you turn to look at him with a quizzical expression. “My place tonight?” You asked, a surprised tone in your voice. 

“Yeah,” Joel replies keenly. “Tommy and Sarah will be asleep now. I don’t wanna wake 'em up and besides, your place is closer,” he adjusts his seating position to better suit his comfort by wrapping an arm around your lower back and pulling you into his side. “Is that okay with you, babydoll?” he asks, his voice softened with affection, and even if it wasn’t ok with you, that thick southern drawl of his would make it ok. You nod softly with a small smile on your lips, “Mhm. Yeah, that’s perfectly fine with me,” you whispered. 

Upon noticing the way you were lustfully gazing at him, he mirrors your little smile and winks, the flirty gesture making your cheeks heat up with flattery. He reaches out to place his finger on your chin, keeping you in place as he leans in slowly and closes the gap. It was a chaste peck on your lips, yet it was electrifying. The way he looked back at you, his eyes honeyed with desire and passion, sparked an arousing sensation in your core. You were turned on rather quickly. It didn’t take much and it’s all because of a simple gesture, but Joel knows how to make you feel horny in the most uncomplicated ways. 

You feel happy in his presence tonight - you always do - but more happy than you’ve ever felt before. Since you’ve been dating the man for six months now and have slept together plenty during that time, it’s abundantly clear that he’s still into you and isn’t looking for something casual. Despite the fact that he did tell you from the beginning that he’s not looking for a fling, you always take those words with a pinch of salt from guys, never fully trusting that they’re being serious to save yourself the heartbreak later down the line. You like to think that actions speak louder than words, and so far, Joel’s actions have been loud and clear on how he feels about you. 

As he turns away to look out the window and watch the sidewalk crammed with people pass by, you watch the ample glow of neon lights gliding across his face, the pretty colors highlighting his handsome features gracefully. His date night attire was pleasing to look at also. He wore a clean black fitted shirt, long sleeved but the fabric was neatly folded up his arms, and the top two buttons of his shirt were left open which generously displayed the sexy distinct veins in his neck, the cut off point of his summer tan and the hair nestled at the top of his chest. The dark blue jeans and belt really tied his outfit together though, accentuating his tall and muscular build. He looked really good, and all of the men and women who turned their heads to eye him up tonight would agree. 

Joel is older than you, not to a great extent, but you sometimes wonder if all men age like fine wine or if it’s just him. You’ve seen pictures of him in his younger days and he was good looking back then too. Having said that though, it came as quite a shock to even find him on a dating app all those months ago. Suppose you have his daughter and his brother to thank for pushing him back into the dating world otherwise your paths wouldn’t have crossed together. You wouldn’t be here right now feeling his calloused fingertips caressing your knee, his hand threatening to travel up your bare leg and disappear under your skirt at any given second. You see that little smirk on his face, the corner of his lips turning upwards ever so slightly with the filthy thought of fingering you in the backseat of a cab. It wouldn’t be the first time he’s done something so sexually audacious and it won’t be the last either. 

Joel’s personality is generally rather reserved and private overall. He has to connect with someone before opening up to show everything about himself; all the good, the bad, the ugly and his vulnerabilities too. It didn’t just happen overnight with you or after the first date. It took time for him to reach the level of comfortability and openness where he’s at right now, and you’re most grateful for it because he’s more than just his good looks. He’s a big softie and a gentle giant, a family man who is protective, kind and compassionate. He has many features besides his appearance that you adore so much, and while you still admire all those pretty coloured neon lights gliding across his handsome face, you think highly of everything else about the man too. Flaws and all, including the bad, the ugly and his vulnerabilities. 

Your deep train of thought comes to a halt with the cab pulling up outside your apartment block; it was situated right on the shores of Lady Bird Lake and just a five minute walk away from the Texas State Capitol. This location is divine, perfectly placed in the city where it isn’t too noisy nor too quiet, and you like that balance. You’ll miss your apartment, but Scarlett Nicholson is someone you’ll miss most of all. She is your best friend and roommate. You moved in together to split the cost of bills and help each other save up enough money to move out someday, and considering you’ve both amassed enough savings, that might be any day now. 

After beating Joel to the chance of paying the cab driver, you both climbed out the car and made your way to the main entrance, the cold night-time breeze whipping between the buildings causing your skirt to lift up and expose your underwear. He grins from ear to ear at the sight of you frantically trying to cover your ass, then stands behind you and pulls you flush against his chest whilst holding your hips firmly. “Here. Let me help with that,” he said with a burgeoning excitement, his bellowing laughter tickling your neck. “Showing all yer goods to the neighbours there, doll.” 

“Only person seeing these goods is you, Joel.” You scoff jokingly. Holding onto his hands and approaching the main doors to your apartment building, the wind was still causing your skirt to lift up, but at least now your backside was concealed by his body. “Thanks for laughing at me before stepping in to help, babe. I really appreciate that,” you giggle with a modicum of chide in your tone. 

“Of course. Anytime darlin’,” he chuckles before opening the door for you. Once you were inside and out of the cold, he didn’t let you go of you and continued to walk with his chest pinned to your back, using the close proximity to place open mouthed kisses on your neck. It was a little difficult to walk properly, but you didn’t mind all that much since the hold he had over you was intoxicating. The man sucked on your skin, leaving a pretty little bruise behind whilst humping your ass exaggeratedly, the movements making your whole body bob up and down as you walk up the stairwell. He was really grinding his hips into you and it was more of a humorous gesture rather than sexual, the sight could only be described as silly and perverted.

“Joel, there are cameras here.” You warn, then throw your head back with amusement. It didn’t matter to you that there were cameras here. You didn’t care, but you did care about the possibility of someone walking down the stairwell and seeing your boyfriend acting like a man starved of your touch. He stopped with the exaggerated movements in his hips, but continued to grind into you at a subtle and barely noticeable pace. It was nice and delicate, pleasurable. 

Upon reaching the second floor and entering the corridor, you and Joel keep the noise down as you approach your apartment. As well as the fact that there are other people here and you don’t want to disturb them, Scarlett will be in bed fast asleep for work tomorrow and you don’t want to disturb her either. She awakes in the early hours of the morning just like yourself, arriving at work sometimes as early as four o’clock. Even though she probably wouldn’t mind you accidentally making too much noise, you keep in mind that the woman needs her sleep just like everyone else does. 

After unlocking your front door quietly and slipping inside with Joel, you make your way to your kitchen while he locks up for you. The apartment was in complete total darkness and Scarlett's door was shut, which only confirmed that she was indeed fast asleep and you should keep the noise down to a minimum. While you grabbed a couple bottles of water from the fridge, Joel entered your bedroom and made himself at home. You found the man sitting on the edge of your bed, his socks and shoes already removed along with his shirt. He was in the middle of unfastening his belt before you kindly offered to do it for him. “Let me help with that,” you whispered. 

Moving across the room and placing the bottles of water and your phone on the bedside table, you watch the man lean back onto his hands and spread his legs apart, giving you more access as you kneel to the floor and nestle between his thighs. As you get into position for him, he looks down at you with a smile on his face, his hair slightly dishevelled as you reach out to open his belt. You feel his muscles tense in his thighs and hear the way his breath hitches, a soft grunt caught in the back of his throat. “You alright up there, stud?” You ask quietly, seduction rolling off your tongue. “You’re looking a little hot.” 

“Mmm. M-hm,” Joel hums deeply, not confirming nor denying your statement about the way he looks. He didn’t need to. You were right and he knows it. He was burning up under your touch, the placement of your hands directly over his crotch making the blood rush straight to his cock. You look up at him with doe-like eyes, a suggestive look in your expression as the position you’re sitting in gives you naughty ideas. “You know, while I’m down here,” you begin to say, but pause briefly when he smirks, “Do you want me to…” you poke your tongue into your cheek, then watch as he palms himself and groans softly, no doubt picturing you sucking him off. 

“I um-” he clears his throat, snapping out of his train of thought, “-I’d love that babydoll, but you know how I can get quite vocal when you…” he stops mid-sentence when noticing the slight disappointment in your eyes. You love to take care of Joel, and he knows how much to like it too, but he’s right. He can get really vocal when your mouth is stuffed full, gulping back as many loads as he can offer. The man just wants to be respectful of your roommate and neighbours, but that didn’t mean he didn’t want you. He leaned forward and the swiftness in his movements took your breath away. “Sit on my lap instead,” he offers an alternative, “Gotta stay quiet, don’t we girl?” he growls, his voice deep with hunger to feel your warmth wrapped around him, “I’ll bury my face into your tits. That’ll keep me quiet.” 

“Mmm Joel…” you bite your lip, stifling a moan, “Don’t tease me with a good time now, baby.”  

“No teasing, darlin’,” he shakes his head, his tone firm. “Get up here already,” he reaches out for you, his impatience evident in the way he sweeps you off the floor and pulls you onto his lap. The action makes you want to cry out a moan of his name, but you fight the urge and grip onto his biceps instead, steadying yourself as he drags your hips over his crotch deliberately. He pats your ass twice, silently telling you to lift up for him, which you do without hesitation and then feel him yanking his jeans down eagerly to free himself from the confines of his boxers. You physically hear his cock spring back and slap his lower stomach, the sound was audible and sexy, but now that he was free of his clothes, he turned his attention to your clothes. 

Taking your shirt off hastily along with your bra, you throw the clothing over your shoulder and reach for your skirt before he suddenly grabs your hands. “No, not that,” he whispers, then looks into your eyes, “Keep that on for me, doll. I like the way it looks on yer,” he says. You nod to him, panting slightly under your breath with anticipation as you stand up to remove your panties. They couldn’t have come off any quicker before you took a seat back on Joel’s lap, feeling his cock pressing into your slicked folds made you stifle a whine. 

He licked the tip of his fingers and coated his cock with his spit, holding you steady to notch himself at your entrance. “Ready, sweetheart?” He asks, and waits patiently for your answer. Joel usually spends a lot of time preparing you for the stretch, getting you ready for him with his head between your legs extracting as many orgasms as you can give, but not tonight - tonight you need him desperately.

“Yes, baby,” you breathe, nodding fervently. He eased himself inside before holding your hips with a tight grip, letting you take over and direct the pace. The breach was most enjoyable, your walls stretching open to accommodate his size as you sit down on his cock, causing the man to grunt and choke on his moans of pleasure before it inevitably became too much and he had to bury his face into your breasts.

You, on the other hand, had to bite the back of your palm, muffling all your pretty little whines and whimpers as you took him inside. His size was impressive, no matter how many times you’ve taken him before, it’s always a pleasant stretch. After you had taken him whole, still struggling to keep quiet as well as him, he was yet to pull his face away from your boobs. Joel breathed raggedly, savouring the sensation of your warmth wrapped around him and the tightness of your cunt squeezing his cock. You were soaking wet, the desire oozing out of you coating the hairs on his mound. 

He was so hot. You could feel his face burning into your chest, the sweat beginning to gather along his brow as you continued to clench around him purposely. Rocking back and forth once before coming to an abrupt stop at the sound of your bed hitting the wall, the man huffs frustratedly into chest and grabs handfuls of your ass, “Hold on,” he warns seconds before standing up with you held in his arms, the action making you gasp with pleasure. It was loud. Unintentionally loud and you instantly worried about waking up your roommate. “Hang on, darlin’. I got an idea,” he says before walking toward your bathroom. 

After carefully closing the door behind him, he moved toward the sink and sat you down on the edge, hoping the new location would muffle the noise a little better. “You good?” He asks once again before picking up where you left off. You wrap your legs around his back, pulling him into you before resting your head to his shoulder. “Yes.. God yes. Please Joel,” you beg, needing to feel him fuck you just the way you like it. He could sense that desperation in your voice and knew exactly what you were asking for. What you were really in need of.

There’s a time and a place to make love, but this isn’t that time nor the place. You want it rough, and he didn’t keep you awake any longer. Hooking his arms under your legs and locking his hands together around your back, the position bending your body to his will, he buried his chin into the nook of your neck before pulling out of your cunt, leaving only the tip inside. You braced yourself for the thrust, knowing it was going to be breath-taking.

Only it wasn’t. Instead, he damn near punched the air out of your lungs when he surged forward, burying himself to the hilt in one swift motion before pulling out and repeating the action. You could barely breathe and you loved it. You loved hearing his balls slapping against your ass and the deep grunts of satisfaction escaping his lips as speared into you. His voice was so broken and guttural, the sound making you mewl into his neck. 

He kept his thrust short and fast, using the hairs on his mound to stimulate your clit and bring you towards that familiar peak. It was too much, yet equally not enough at the same time. His pace was wild and untamed, as if using your pussy for his own satisfaction. You fought to stay quiet, and it was a battle that you were losing. The man quickly pulled his head back from your neck to clamp his hand over your mouth and silence your mewling cries of pleasure.

“Nnghh… much better,” he smirks, panting a praise “That’s a good fucking girl. Taking me so well, Y/N. Aren’t yer?” He asks, and you nod frantically, moaning as your cunt gushes around him. “I need yer to come for me darlin’. C’mon, you can do it.” 

Your vision begins to blur as you let go, the peak of your climax hurtling toward you so quickly that you felt light and weightless, limp in his arms. It was extreme and intense, ecstasy taking over your entire body as you felt a burst of liquid escape you, the essence of your orgasm drenching his legs.

“Fuck,” He growls, his brows knitting together tightly. “Keep soaking me, darlin’. C’mon,” he says, and continues with the punishing thrusts in and out of your cunt, drawing out every ounce of desire you could possibly give. 

The man panted and moaned victoriously, his voice resonating a heavy sense of pride to make you squirt all over him. “Oh shit, shit!” He coos pathetically, pulling out at the last second and releasing his warmth all over your pussy. You rested your head to his chest, looking down at his cock and watched him spill ropes upon ropes of his seed. It was twitching, the prominent veins along his length bulging and his balls pulling up each time he released a creamy white load. “Ohh fuuck,” he breathes and rubs the tip through your folds, smearing the mess he made. “Goddamn. That was… fuck, that was beautiful.” He lifts your head to look in your eyes, “You’re so beautiful, Y/N… Are you ok?” He asks. 

“Yeah baby,” you nod, your eyes slowly closing with exhaustion as you rest your cheek against his check. He reaches behind you and runs the tap, grabbing one of your hand towels on the rail to hold it under the water. “Give me a second. We’ll go lay down after I take care of this,” he says, bringing the wet towel between your legs to clean you off, the contact of his hand making you whine. “M’sorry, sweetheart,” he says apologetically, knowing that you're overstimulated.

After he was finished taking care of you, he wiped down his legs too and laid a couple more towels on the floor to soak up the mess before wiping it down as much as he could. He picked up the items and placed them in the laundry basket by the door, making sure the place was somewhat clean. It made you smile to watch him not only take care of you, but your apartment too.

“Thank you, handsome,” you reach out and hold his arms before moving off the countertop, the wobbly feeling in your legs making you fall into him. “Jesus. I haven’t felt like this in a little while. Walk with me babe, I don’t trust my legs right now.” You laugh bashfully, the sweet sound of your voice making the man chuckle with you.

Walking back into the bedroom with him holding you closely, he pulled the covers back on your bed and together, you climbed in. The very moment you got comfy, your phone chimed and lit up the entire room. You sighed worryingly and instantly assumed the worst. “Shit. Please say I haven’t woken you up,” you mutter under your breath, hoping that it wasn’t Scarlett texting to say that you and Joel were too noisy and now she is awake.

Grabbing your phone off the bedside cabinet and looking at the screen with a pang of guilt, you lay back into Joel’s side and show him. “Ah fuck,” he sighs with the same sense of guilt as you. It was Scarlett texting, and you unlocked your phone to read the message together. ‘Hey, gorgeous. I know it’s super late, but Jake called after you left with Joel. I’m staying at his place tonight so don’t wait up for me. Love you.’ 

Silence befell you and Joel upon reading that message. Not a single word was spoken, but the humorous little smiles on your lips as you both shook your head spoke loud and clear.

All that effort to stay quiet and she wasn’t even home to begin with.

Tagging

Perma Taglist (Everything): @marydjarin @kirsteng42 @supernaturalgirl @supernaturalgirl20 @harriedandharassed @joelmillerscoffee @joelsrifle @swtaura @alexxavicry @boliv-jenta @dragonsondragons @practicalghost @janebby @faceache111 @sleepylunarwolf @tusk89 @graciexmarvel @munsonownsmyass

Joel Miller Taglist: @extraneous-trip @readsalot73 @luvmeijii @pale-gingerale @something-tofightfor @hb8301 @squidwell @spideysimpossiblegirl @mooraakath @michele131 @chxpsi @zeida @wordsfromshona @trickstersp8 @killergoddessmm @kunakizen @scorpio-marionette @oogaboogasphincter @jmillerswife

[arcanefox207]

More TLoU S1E1 Gifs <3

I am also on Reddit (u/KetoKitsune) and Giphy (ArcaneFox). Please feel free to save and use my gifs as you wish! More to come soon from this set. 💜

[pimosworld]

Pairing-Joel Miller x f!reader 

Summary- Joel’s a grump when it’s hot and also when he gets jealous. 

CW- 18+, No outbreak au, established relationship, mostly fluff, grumpy Joel, reader is not described, possessive Joel, family dynamics, illusions to smut, joel is down bad for reader. 

  WC-1.9k

 A/N- I can’t wait for summer so I wrote this little snippet into the life of the Joel I think about often. May do a spicy part two if the mood strikes me. 

[Main Masterlist][Joel Miller Masterlist]

Not beta read

Dog Days

He told you he’d behave. Begrudgingly and with promise that you’d make it up to him. That’s the only thought he clings to as he sits in this lawn chair that’s too small for him. The only seat away from everyone else so he doesn’t have to do the small talk thing. He can still see you though. Sun kissed and smiling at something Maria is saying. 

  He still doesn’t know how you do it, how you make it look so effortless even on the hottest day of the year. His shirt clings to him and he’s sweating in places he wouldn’t speak of out loud and you just stand there all heaven sent like it’s a different temperature in your world. 

  Your world bled into his before he knew what hit him. He started to enjoy sunsets and stopped to smell the flowers, because that’s what you liked to do and he quickly learned that anything that made you happy made him feel like the most fortunate man in the world. He’s fortunate to have you every morning, waking up curled into his side as you steal sleepy kisses along his chest and his arms. He pretends to be asleep for as long as he can until he’s so worked up he has to make you come at least twice before you extract yourselves from the bed. 

  That’s where he wants to be right now as he stares at some prehistoric bug that’s landed in his warm beer, flailing and hoping someone can put him out of his misery much like he hopes after being dragged to this godforsaken barbecue. Despite it being his own brother he would have gladly come up with any excuse not to be here. He loves his family but sometimes he couldn’t stand Tommy. 

  ‘Who has a party on the hottest day of the year?’ You laughed earlier as he grumbled about in the kitchen helping you pack away the things you prepared in the cooler. 

  ‘He can’t control the weather Joel. You know he’s excited about the new house.”You with your rational thought and kind heart. 

  ‘Who’s side are you on Darlin?’ He caged you in against the counter as he ran his hands up your thighs. You shiver under his touch and he knows it wouldn’t take much to convince you to stay home. 

  Your hands meet his as you pull them up higher, bunching your dress a little to reveal those cheeky shorts he couldn’t get enough of. You wrap his hands around your waist as you run yours up his arms and around his neck. His chocolate brown eyes are glazed over as you slowly put him under some trance. Your lips kiss that spot in his beard as your nails scratch at his scalp and he has to brace himself against the counter to keep himself grounded. ‘I’m always on your side Miller.’ 

  “What’s up with you brother?” Tommy slaps his back bringing him back to this fresh hell. A man can’t even day dream in peace. 

  “It’s hot.” He grumbles and goes to take a sip of his beer before he remembers and chucks it out on the grass. 

  Tommy licks his lips as a smirk pulls across his face, no doubt thinking of something to say that will have Joel flying off the handle. His niece is running towards them with the same look on her face to save him from his impending death. Wild black curls bouncing in her face to match her parents. 

  Tommy holds his arms out for his daughter but she crashes her small body into Joel as the weight of her hit causes a small creak in the lawn chair. A muffled hi uncle Joel is said into his shirt as Tommy stands there defeated. “You stayin out of trouble?” 

  She just shrugs her shoulders and offers her hand out to him. An ice cold Diet Coke she’s barely able to get her little hands around. A mystery smudge is on her shirt and her pants have seen better days. Tommy wanted a boy but he was pleasantly surprised when her little personality started to take hold and he quickly realized he had his hands full with this one. Her two front teeth are missing and the smile etched across her face is a mischievous one. “Thanks sweetheart.” Joel takes it from her, it’s still cold despite having traversed the lawn and been subjected to the warmth of her hands. He’ll wait a moment to open it, no doubt jostled as she ran over here. 

  “My mommy said you look hotter than h e double hockey sticks.” 

  “Izzy!” Tommy snaps at her and Joel can’t help the laugh that bubbles up. 

  “What…I spelled it. I didn’t say Hell.” She rolls her neck and he swears he can see Maria in that moment. 

  “Isabella.” Tommy’s voice drops an octave in warning as she backs away slowly with her hands raised. 

  She reminds him so much of Tommy when he was younger. It’s only fair that he gets a taste of his own medicine. When Joel met you the decision had already been made that you didn’t want kids and Sarah was almost in college and Joel didn’t want to start over. It was a relief to find someone that could love his child so fiercely despite it not being their own. Izzy came barreling into their lives shortly after Sarah left and you loved that little bundle of joy like it was the last thing on earth. 

  There’s little hints of you in her sprinkled throughout your time together. Her insistence on correcting people and their grammar, the way she defends others although you told her she should try to use her words more after she punched some kid on the playground for bullying a smaller kid. Joel may have had a hand in that one. 

  Joel cracks the can as Tommy drones on about repairs that need to be done to the house. He already knows what his brothers’ getting at and he doesn’t even need to ask…of course he’s going to help him take on whatever project needs to be done to get the house in order for the new baby. He knew Tommy was nervous before Izzy arrived and this brings on a whole new level of responsibility. They were so grateful they’d found a house down the street from you and Joel with just two months to spare before this new bundle arrived. 

  He takes a sip of the bubbly cold drink, the sweetness is slightly off. You swore he wouldn’t be able to tell but of course he can. His doctor told him to cool it on the sodas and he made the mistake of telling you. You care so much…too much. You called his brother and Maria and now they’re watching him like a hawk so he has to sneak the ones with real sugar like a junky getting his fix. 

  In the brief moments he’d been graced by Tommy’s presence he lost sight of you. His eyes scan the large backyard, the kids playing in some dirt mound, some guys from the job site ribbing each other by the grill. You and Maria are by the cooler with some mystery man while you rub her swollen belly. His eyes roam down your body as you bend over to lay a kiss to it and whisper sweet words to your soon to be niece or nephew. 

  You stand and try to adjust the strap on that dress he loves so much. You’re always complaining about how the straps never stay up and he supposes you keep it just for him. He’ll have to remember to burn it when you get home as he grits his teeth and watches the man get an obvious look down the front of your dress. 

  “Who’s that?” Joel juts his chin toward the end of the yard as Tommy squints his eyes. 

  “Don’t.” 

  “I just asked his goddamn name Tommy.” He huffs at his brother and he just shakes his head. The heat was already getting to him before and now it’s at a fever pitch. 

  “His name is James, we just hired him.” Tommy holds his arms out in a mock satisfaction and Joel’s not in the mood for his theatrics. 

  “We? Hired him.” Joel shifts and he hears the chair creak again. He stands up abruptly not wanting to be flat on his ass because of his brother's crappy lawn furniture. 

  “Yes Joel…remember you put me in charge of staffing the site?” 

  Joel just hums under his breath as he crosses his arms over his chest. He’ll have to remember to start vetting the candidates again if this is the type of people Tommy’s got working for them. 

  The man is crossing the lawn towards them with a presidential smile and Joel’s already pissed. He greets Tommy and offers his hand to Joel as he begins to introduce himself. 

  “James is it?” Joel squeezes the man's hand a little too tight as he winces. Tommy retreats not wanting to be a witness to whatever Joel was going to say or do. At this point he knew there was no stopping him. 

  “Mr. Miller, it’s nice to meet you.” He doubts that and he can tell by the look on his face that he’s already sorely regretting walking over here. 

  “You don’t really have an eye for jewelry do ya?” Joel cocks his head waiting for an answer, an easy trap to set for a simpleton like James. There’s no right answer. Not when he’s got his teeth sunk into him. “See I noticed almost immediately that there’s a ring on your finger.” He gestures to the man’s hand and holds up his own. “You didn’t seem to notice my wife’s hand when you were eye fuckin the shit out of her.” 

  “Hi Honey.” Your sweet voice hits his ears as your hand travels up his arm, working your way behind his neck to rub that spot that seems to always make him deflate. 

  James uses this momentary distraction to run away with his tail tucked. 

  “You behavin?” You purr at him as he drops his head down to let you run your fingers through his hair. 

  “Always sugar.” His words slurred a little as he succumbed to your touch. You’re like a sedative the way you seep into his veins and put him in a trance like state. 

  He can’t see your eyebrows raised at him as you scan the backyard for the offending party. “Come on Miller, let’s get you home and cool you off before someone gets fired.” 

  He starts to speak but you shush him with your finger placed gently on his mouth. A quick glance over your shoulder and you lean up kissing him deep. It almost takes him by surprise how you still have this effect on him. No longer concerned with the heat or the stress at work or his brother’s constant annoyance. You can silence all those thoughts with just a taste of your lips. You break away when you hear the whoops coming from Tommy and Joel grumbles under his breath. 

  The strap on your shoulder slides down and you sigh a little as Joel runs his finger underneath, feeling your smooth skin turn to goosebumps. It’s intoxicating the way he knows he has that same effect on you. He’s smirking to himself as he reaches behind you and adjusts the strap, getting a glimpse down the front and the soft swell of your breast. 

  “Looks like you and James have something in common.” You laugh as he scowls at you, the kind of laugh that has tears at the corner of your eyes. 

  “Don’t push it darlin.” 

Comments and and reblogs are much appreciated

[theetherealbloom]

UNEVEN ODDS - CH. 7

Chapter Seven: Let's Stay the Course and Let the Tension Make Us New

Summary: The Reader is dragged into the Last of Us universe and has no choice but to watch the events unfold or will she be able to change what was already written?

Paring: Joel Miller x Fem!Reader

Warnings: Age-gap Romance, Violence, ANGST, LOTS OF ANGST IM SORRY, TW: Sexual Assault, Attempted Rape, Swearing, Suicide, FLUFF, PTSD, Depression, Anxiety, Crying, Suggestive content, the pandemic, character death, INFECTED, MY SCIENCE IS WONKY, probable plot holes, rusty writing, TLOU is dark please read at your own risk!

Word Count: 6.5k

A/N: HI THANK YOU, GUYS, FOR YOUR CONTINUED SUPPORT ILY SO MUCH AHHHHHH ฅ^•ﻌ•^ฅ This chapter is gonna merge with Episodes 7 & 8 hORRAY— Lowkey had to turn to the game for a bit to figure out how I wanted to write this chapter hehe. Please note this chapter is a little bit more serious and heavy than usual. The names used here are fictional and I have no intent to post this chapter to glorify any form of harm. Rape and sexual assault will always be serious topics and should never be taken lightly. This is your final warning to read at your own risk and I am not responsible for any media you consume, dear reader, you have a responsibility and choice as to what content you read, and I urge you to never blame authors for that. As always, the end notes will have the outline of my thoughts if you wanted to read what my thought process was. ANYWAYS ENJOY! GOGOGOGOGOGOGO!

Song: Would've, Could've, Should've by Taylor Swift

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TLOU WORLD 2023

ABANDONED SUBURBAN HOUSE, COLORADO – EARLY MORNING

Snowflakes fell from the pale clouds, chilly sky as a crisp wind weaved through the buildings. The bitterness of winter, whalebone-white snow presented itself as an infinite blanket. The gravel-grey skies were bare, and the only sound you could occasionally hear was Joel’s uneven breathing. You had told her to leave you. Ellie didn’t accept that, she couldn’t bear the thought of losing either of you. She dragged both of your bodies next to each other on top of his sleeping bag, strapping and securing you together with rope as she rides her horse into the suburbs, dragging the reigns of your horse.

You managed to close your eyes for a bit, your vision getting a little blurry, and everything seems hazy, you hear the shattering of glass and when you open them again, you are now inside someone’s long-forgotten home. The garage is soaked with blood, and your horse shakes off snow from his head. You and Joel are placed on an old mattress in the basement of the house, as the pain had started to sink in. Breathing becomes a chore in itself. Each breath just gets shorter and shorter, when you try to take a deep breath your body refuses to let it in, a stabbing pain each time you try. Ellie is ripping out a piece of fabric, doing her best to stop Joel’s bleeding, she curses the whole time, “Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. Come on, you gotta help me. Come on!” While doing so, Joel grabs her hand and painfully wheezes, “Leave. Leave.” Her tone is sharp as she hisses, “Shut up, Joel.” You try and say her name, only for a painful noise to come out of your mouth, “Ellie. Please.” She shakes her head at both of you and Joel breathlessly says, “Take the gun.” Panicked, while trying to multitask as she presses another cloth to your abdomen, “Joel, shut the fuck up!”

Joel grabs her by the collar of her shirt with the remaining strength that he had to bring Ellie to look at him, he weakly says, “You go. You go. You go north. You go to Tommy. You go.” She roughly pulls away from his grasp, falling to the ground with a loud thump. You turn your head to look at Joel who was bleeding out next to you. You can see the tears rimming his eyes, and he's almost comatose. Frail, you grab his hand, squeezing it as you tenderly gaze at him.

In response, she gets up and puts his jacket over him and your own as a blanket, and both of you are almost comatose. The warmth of blankets makes him nervous, suddenly things that are known to comfort him become destructive reminders of loss. Ellie's frustrated and walks upstairs, a kid on a mission, her belief that she could fix this over time, as if every imperfection is a lie, and you watch as a tear falls from Joel’s eye. Each breath you take is agonizing, the sharp stab each time you try to let in causes you to whimper in pain. You feel Joel’s rough hands squeeze your own, still trying to shield and protect you, despite him also hurting.

You see the longing in his eyes as he faces you, and you can’t quite put your finger on it. There’s just something about his face that makes you sad, as much afraid as it’s haunted. He shakily wraps his arm around you and tries his damn hardest to put pressure on your wound even though his energy is fading. You place your head on his chest, your ear right above his faint beating heart, he winces but doesn’t push you away. Instead, he gripped you as tightly as he could, pressing a featherlight kiss on your forehead, mumbling, “Tell me somethin’ good.” You shake your head, “You growin’ soft on me Cowboy?” His eyelids feel heavy as he spoke, “Only for… you. Always you.” You feel your tears slip faintly down your cheeks, “Out of all the things I’ve researched and discovered over the years… nothing will ever compare to what I found here.” The ache in his chest expands as he inhales and says, “Birdie… I…” You shush him delicately, “I’ve never related more to anything or anyone before… I can’t explain it. You are the best thing I never planned.”

Joel shudders in the basement, his breathing becoming shallow with each breath. Wave after wave, he’s more afraid. It’s been a hard year and it’s been a high tide, but his body decides one part at a time. But what about the meantime? How do you ignore the signs that the things you love will fade or get taken away? There's something so strange about human nature, you get so used to the gifts you receive. He is watching the tears slowly continue to slip out of your eyes as he breathes lightly next to you, he still has so much he wants to tell you and still has so much to figure out. When the words came to him for the first time, he knew he was hooked on you. Your quiet charm, the way your eyes crinkled as you smiled, the calmness and chaos you carried. He wanted it all with you. Could it be, you both didn’t stand a chance? How cruel could fate be? To have found you only to lose you in a matter of days.

What was flawless canvas white, and what was kindness in your eyes, is now a blemished masterpiece. You are X-rays of something broken, made up of cold blood and bruises. You noticed your hearing started to fade. In an underwater afterimage, the hearing effect is just a bit less heavy. As time went on the underwater hearing effect started becoming more strong and you barely start hearing people. Into the darkness, you will send your symphonies. A shorthand of existence, a slowly turning key, the voyager will leave you with this modest memory of home.

You believe you’ve seen a ghost, and you don’t know who it is. It just follows you around pretending to exist. Radical acceptance sure feels like surrender, but after just a little longer, everything will make sense. Broken things will be remade, there’s some kind of heaven just around the corner and all this sorrow and agony will be replaced with unimaginable grace. With the remaining strength you had, you took in his darkly golden eyes, a smoldering visage, and warmth like home. The muffled sounds of rapid and loud footsteps from upstairs, the clattering of drawers and cabinets. You take one more breath in, the small part of you has the glimmering light of hope but the shadows keep inviting you to their clutches, and to be honest, it seems so tempting to just give in.

You hear the suppressed sound of Ellie running down to the basement, rushing to your and Joel’s side, you subconsciously wonder what took so long or if she hesitated during the process of looking through the house for supplies. You can blurrily make out the vision of Ellie holding a needle and thread, you let out a small gasp and Ellie only looks at you with worry. Your eyes flutter close, unable to help yourself to watch as she shakily stitches up Joel, he groans in pain every now and then, while you listen to your own blood dripping onto the mattress and sliding down to the concrete floor. You slowly begin to seek comfort in the ensnares of the darkness.

YOUR ORIGINAL OBSERVABLE UNIVERSE — JANUARY 13, 2023

WASHINGTON STATE UNIVERSITY, FUNDAMENTAL QUANTUM PHYSICS LAB — NIGHT

Ever since The Royal Swedish Academy of Sciences has decided to award the Nobel Prize in Physics 2022 to three scientists for experiments with entangled photons, establishing the violation of Bell inequalities and pioneering quantum information science. You were immediately intrigued by their findings and continued your own research with the given information. You sit in the dim lighting of the lab, and the glow of the screen hypnotizes you as you continue to scroll through the PDF file, text containing the explanation of quantum entanglement and the possibilities of quantum teleportation.

The mountains of paper, pencils, pens, and highlighters clutter around your large desk. You bring your arms up and stretch your lower back. Waiting for the possible outcome of the  computer-generated model, a theory could change how information is sent and transmitted, including transportation. You suddenly hear your other coworker, Alisha shakily call your name, and you spin your chair around to find her disheveled state. A bruised lip, her hair in a mangled mess, and her eyes red-rimmed, you look down at her once-white lab coat to find blood at the edges. Your eyes widen in concern, “Ali, what happened to–” You didn’t even get the chance to finish, she had made her way across the room to hug you and began to cry in your arms, falling apart piece by piece. You hear her beg and whimper broken words, “Please… Please don’t let him find me… He can’t…”

You then hear the yelling voice of her partner Richard, screaming her name through the halls, and soon enough, outside your door, you try to stand and lock it but since Ali was clinging onto you, you barely got up before the man came barreling through the door. You and Ali flinch at his arrival, wearing around his father’s hand-me-down anger. Your skin crawled and your bones rattled, your muscles screamed of a horror unseen. Ali’s breathing is shortened and you feel her skin become cold, your leg and arm muscles tightened. There is a sound coming from his mouth, but nothing registers as the ringing in your ears has appeared. He marches towards you and Ali, the taste of bile rose to your mouth and you swallowed, the acid rising and burning your throat.

TLOU WORLD 2023

A COUPLE OF HOURS LATER…

ABANDONED SUBURBAN HOUSE, COLORADO — DAY

You wake up choking, the feeling of being smothered overwhelms your body as you try to gasp for air. Ellie is quick to your side, as you cry out in fear and pain, the awful memory of your past that you had buried, had been used against you in your sleep. You take some time to realize where you are, and Ellie is clutching your hand as you try and jerk forward, “Hey… Birdie… shhh… you’re okay,” she said as she gently pushes you down next to Joel. You shiver and whimper, “Ellie…” She shushes you again and lets you drink from a glass of water, you painfully gulp it down, and she gets you to try and eat a bit of food from the rations, you brought with you. Dizzily, you chew and swallow whatever you could, urging yourself not to puke on the teen. 

You turn your head back to Joel, who was shivering, and barely conscious, you weakly speak to Ellie, “Can you… please lift his shirt for me?” The young girl shifts to Joel’s side, doing what she was asked of, the sickly sound of blood that clings onto his flannel has your eyes looking down at the yellow puss seeping from the now closed and stitched-up wound. To put it plainly, everything fucking hurt. You wince as you bring your shirt up to check your abdomen, finding that it had also been patched up and luckily not as infected as Joel’s. You bring your shirt down and watch Ellie take care of Joel, tucking him back in his blanket, and giving him water and a bit of food left placed on top of his blanket. You hoarsely say, “We need an antibiotic for his wound. Are there any in the drawers upstairs? In the medicine cabinet… maybe?” Then teen shakes her head, “No, I checked everything.” You cough a little, before giving her a small nod. 

Ellie looks at the rifle leaning against the wall, and you hear her whisper to you both, “I’m gonna be right back… okay?” You try and call for her, but she doesn’t stop preparing her things, too focused on trying to get you and Joel better and moving. Her footsteps sound heavy as she makes her way upstairs while carrying the heavy rifle on one shoulder, you shudder as if you were seconds from breaking down from the orbit, gravity throws you down. She will discover that life will knock you down and wait for you to stand back up before kicking you in the stomach. But, the only way to make your lungs remember how much they relish the flavor of air is to knock you out completely. Underneath, there is hurt that cannot be soothed by poetry or bandages. Because no matter how wide you stretch your fingers, your hands will always be too small to catch all the pain you want to heal. You weakly grab Joel’s hand from underneath the green and white plaid blanket, squeezing it as you shakily say, “I don’t know if you can hear me… but if you can… Joel, you were good to me. If you're wondering why I've stayed—and for all I know, I'll stay—the truth is because the stars told me to.”

A COUPLE OF HOURS LATER…

ABANDONED SUBURBAN HOUSE, COLORADO — SUNSET

You weren’t sure how long you slept, or how long Ellie had been gone. But you stir to the sound of Ellie’s footsteps running down the wooden creaking stairs. You blink your eyes open, She unzips her jacket and lays the rifle next to Joel, and pulls out a wrapped pouch. You hear the bottles clink as she unwraps them, and she tells you it’s penicillin, she then looks at you shaking your head, “Give it to Joel first.” Ellie sniffs and nods, peeling back the blanket that covers his pale body, you murmur out instructions, “Hold the syringe in your hand like a pencil, with the needle pointed up.” She does as she is told and you continue to guide her through it, “With the cap still on, pull back the plunger to the line on your syringe for your dose. Keep the syringe tip in the medicine. Tap the syringe with your finger to move air bubbles to the top. Then push gently on the plunger to push the air bubbles back into the vial.” As if she was an expert, she does everything perfectly, but she begins to panic about where she would administer the penicillin,  “Okay, the fuck do I put this, Birdie?” You exhale in pain but keep going, “Do not inject it into a vein. You need to administer it on a large muscle, either his back or his thigh.” Ellie exclaims, “I am not pulling down his pants!” You wince at her sudden yelling, and she’s quick to apologize, you groggily get up, everything was spinning but you needed to help her. You tell her, “Okay, turn around.” She does so, still holding the needle for you as you unbuckle his belt and carefully undress him, he groans and you try your best to ignore it. You focus on the task at hand, bringing his jeans down enough to see a portion of his thigh, “Do we have any… alcohol?” You ask and Ellie hands you Joel’s metal flask, your mouth forms a frown but you unscrew the cap and pouring a tiny amount of the vodka as an antiseptic, cleaning it off with the only clean rag left in your bag.

You ask for the needle from Ellie and she hands it to you. Your heart is racing, but you manage to inject him with the required amount of penicillin, you hear Joel sigh with a mix of pain and relief. You redress him quickly and mention to Ellie it’s safe to look again, she turns to see you sitting on the mattress again, watching Joel fall back asleep. You yawn in exhaustion, drearily blinking as you try and center yourself. Ellie says your name and you tiredly bring your eyes to her as she says, “There’s another needle if you wanted to…”

You nodded gratefully and followed the same procedure as before, Ellie turns around as you undressed a part of your jeans, quick to the point of just stabbing the needle into your thigh to get it over with, gritting your teeth as you pushed the plunger down, feeling the antibiotic entering in your system. You zip back up and lean back into the mattress, Ellie hearing you shift causes her to turn around again, and you gently pat the middle of the bed, indicating for her to lay down and rest. She is snug in the middle of you and Joel, her tiny arms wrapped around him, with you kissing the top of her head. Joel leans into her touch, resting his head above hers, and quietly breathes. Your tired eyes slowly close shut and allow yourself the comfort of the people around you.

ABANDONED SUBURBAN HOUSE, COLORADO — MORNING

As thin as air and as light as snow. The sunlight streaming through the basement window causes you to stir awake once more, Ellie is sitting up in between you and Joel, and she asks, “Do you have to inject him again?” Tiredly, you nod and carefully push yourself up, raising a hand to his forehead to check his temperature. You lift a portion of the shirt while Ellie watches you move skillfully, you sigh in relief as you inspect the injury and the wound already looks slightly better and then you lift your own shirt to see your own abdomen healing as well, you look up to Ellie who tearily laughs, “Thank fucking God.” As you prepare to administer another dose of penicillin, Ellie puts on her jacket and beanie, “I’m gonna go outside and feed the horses, I’ll be back.” You smile, “Please be careful.” She nods and is quick to run up the steps, and you undress Joel once more to inject the antibiotic into his thigh. You place him back into his jeans and place the blanket over him again, wiping away the sweat from his brows as you try and catch your breath. You then let your hand slide down, cupping his cheek tenderly, “Come back to us, Joel. Please, we still need you.” Kissing his head and then laying down to rest next to him, allowing your body to melt with his, the past two days have drained most of your reserved energy, you drift off into a deep slumber.

The crows caw violently as they fly away from the approaching danger, the leaves shake and swirl all around and Ellie is quick to investigate. She hugs the fence and crouches down to see David and his men quickly approaching, searching for Ellie and her two guardians. She curses and dashes back to the house, her boots heavily thudding against the wooden steps down to the basement, she first tries to wake you, but you don’t even stir, you have no more energy to give, each part of you spent trying to care for both of them and barely trying to keep yourself alive. Ellie panics and turns to Joel, shaking and yelling at him, “Joel! Joel, wake up. Joel, wake the fuck up, Joel.”

Ellie moves away to unsheath the knife from his bag and Joel forces his eyes open, she moves back to place the large blade on his chest, grabbing his hand so he could hold it, saying, “Okay, okay, look at me. There are men coming, okay? Birdie isn’t waking up and she’s probably exhausted from all of this. I’m gonna lead them away from you two but if anybody makes it down here, you fucking kill them. You got it?” He does reply, still barely conscious and Ellie snaps her fingers at him, “Joel. Joel, do not fall asleep. She needs you to keep her safe. I need you to keep her safe. Do not fall asleep.”

There isn’t enough time to form a reply to Ellie, she instantly bolts up the steps, placing a large cabinet to block and conceal the basement entrance. His eyes close once more, like a final puzzle piece, It all makes perfect sense to him. The heaviness that he holds in his heart's been crushing him.

ABANDONED SUBURBAN HOUSE, COLORADO — DAY

Joel hears the sound of footsteps from above, each thud causing him to jolt awake from his slumber, he tilts his head to find your beautiful figure stirring, as if your body senses the danger. He pushes himself up from the mattress, having one mission in mind, keeping you safe and alive. He shushes you, kissing away the lines on your forehead, and slowly they disappear. He hears the cabinet being moved, and quickly hides his figure, not enough time or strength yet to hide you as he limps to hide in the shadows.

The sound of floorboards creaks with each step the intruder takes, slowly approaching the landing of the staircase. He sees your resting figure deep asleep and quickly glances around the basement to see if the man who killed his friend was here. This was the moment Joel wished he was younger, quicker, and not in the worst fucking physical pain he has ever felt. The man approaches you, eyes glinting with starvation as he licks his lips, he dives onto you, nailed your wrists to the mattress, and covers your mouth as you screamed awake, shrieking and kicking, screaming for Joel. Your voice threw itself over the edge of your throat and landed at the bottom of your belly. The same way Richard did that night, you cry loudly as you continue to kick and struggle through the flashbacks of the past you had buried.

The sound of screaming from Ali haunts your mind as you hit Richard with all of your strength, he covers your mouth and you bite it fiercely, he curses and spits at you, “You fucking bitch. Come here.” You kneed him, hard, in the genitals, he folds over and you crawl over to the toolboxes on the table above you, he grabs your ankle and drags you back to him.  

You were fighting harder than before. The guy is removing his belt and pulling down his pants. You can barely contain your cries, a bird with a broken wing. You didn’t know when your being and body became something that took up too much space.

You kick him with your other foot again, using your fingernails and clawing his face and skin. This catches him off guard, releasing your ankle, you take the opportunity to grab a metal wrench, swing at him, and walloped him on the head, repeatedly, the crunch of his skull as you hack into him with every pent-up rage you had harbored over the years. Your anger often melts into sadness, it will just disintegrate into shame or fear, and your clenched teeth release into chatter. But he has found the right mix of arrogance and abuse. Telling you again how you are just not understanding the point, reminding you how he is an expert, touching your knee, thigh, and lower back, ignoring you twice, three times, continuing to talk over your screams and plea to stop. Some of us are born chasing disaster. From the moment you entered this world, screaming, you are looking for lightning, the raw of your body, always searching for clever hands.

Joel appears from the shadows, every fiber, every vein, pumping him full of adrenaline, and pure raw rage you have never seen before from him. His eyes were a deep rich black, and his eyebrows were pulled so close together, the lines on his forehead were so prominent as if they were canals and channels of rivers. He pulls the man off of your shaking body, and stabs the man from behind, hitting a part of his neck of the predator, he begins to struggle and you push yourself away from the fight, your back hitting the wall and trying to calm down to no avail. By the time the man has passed out, Joel rolls over to his side, pushing himself up and crawling to you.

When Joel makes it to your scared and confused figure, at first you try punching and kicking at him too, still in survival mode. But he manages to grab you and is desperately hauling you to his chest, one hand cradling your head, the other wrapped around your waist as you loudly wail and dry heave, he rocks your bodies back and forth and strokes your head, trying to soothe your hysteria, “I’m so sorry darlin’, I’m so sorry. Please forgive me, my sweet hummin’ bird. Shh, I’m here. I’m so, so, sorry. I’m right here.” 

You were sitting at the back of an ambulance vehicle, a blanket placed over you, the flashing lights and sirens blending together with the occasional radio chatter from an officer. The blood on your hands had dried and stuck to your skin, across from you Ali was giving her statement on what had happened as an EMT continued to check over you, finding bruises on every part of your body. Strangely enough, you felt numb, there was no ounce of guilt or remorse for what had occurred and transpired. You look up at the officer, his pity radiates off of him, and you barely hear him ask for your statement only for the EMT to shoo him off, telling him to come back later, you were still in shock.

You slowly raise your chin, eyes dancing at the sight of the commotion. Like blueprints constantly being rearranged, over microscopes you plan and strain. But every sighting is proof and every heartbeat proves it too.

When it hurts too much, you might fall in love with someone with only one touch. The light shines brightest in the darkest places. Even if truth weighs more than fiction, gravity lifts as the projectionist rolls the tape and you become brave once more. You persevered despite the dangers and never-ending tight escapes, and you are still alive. Nobody will ever be able to comprehend the struggles you had to go through inside just to recover, just to develop, to get to where you are now. Be proud of yourself for battling to save yourself. Be proud of how you managed to survive.

THE ABANDONED SUBURBS, COLORADO — DAY

Joel eventually manages to calm you down, centering you, he tells you, “Darlin’, we need to find Ellie. Okay? You have to continue being brave for me, okay? Can you do that?” He wipes away your tears as you nod, he kisses your forehead and holds your face gently, “There’s my girl. C’mon.” He gets the both of you to stand, and you both drag the man up the steps, not caring if he would sometimes groan in pain. You didn’t have a very violent side, it takes a lot to push you to your limits, but when it does burst out of you, it happens in one go, and it is a blur each time you lash out.

The rattling of the branches causes your ears to perk up in alertness, and Joel lets the predator thump loudly upon the cold snow on purpose. Joel asks you to hide behind the shed, wanting to take care of the other man himself. You hear a voice call out, “Timothy?” And you spot the second raider walking through the broken fence, taking the bait as he spots who you now know as Timothy struggling face down on the crisp white snow, “Oh, shit.” He kneels on the ground to try and help his friend, but Joel comes at him with a force so strong as he hits the man on the head with the butt of the rifle, he falls to the ground instantly and becomes unconscious.

Both of you work together to prop the both of them up into the house, taping both of them with duct tape, and Joel needs to do the rest of the work out of guilt and shame, forcing you to wait down on the steps of the basement. You hear him beating the shit out of Timothy, and he wails in pain with every strike, “Stop, stop. Please.” Your lips form a line and hug your body as you decide to quietly walk up the steps, peeking at the sight.

Your mouth parts open, watching Joel’s violence happen in front of you in real-time. A satisfying crunch could be heard with each punch Joel throws at your assailant, you take a good long look at your man, and can’t help the way your breathing quickened at the thought of him protecting you and trying to save Ellie from these bastards. There is no evil in Joel’s eye, just pure focus and exhaustion. You hear the other voice beg, “Leave him alone.” To which Joel roughly replies, “You’re next.” He pulls out the knife from his back pocket and Timothy begs, “Please, I don’t know any girl.” Joel stabs him in the knee and he yells in pain, “Oh, fuck!” And the other attacker exclaims, “Jesus!” You feel goosebumps rise from every portion of your skin and try to steady your breathing once more. Timothy calls for his friend, “Marco!” And Joel grabs Timothy by his hair, roughly pulling it to get him to look at the man you cared for, his voice drops lower, “No, no, no. He can’t help you. You focus right here. Or I’ll pop your fuckin’ kneecap off.”

If Joel asked you anything in that tone, you would do anything in a heartbeat. You smile knowingly but quickly shake your head at those thoughts, needing to find Ellie. “She’s alive,” Timothy says as he is dripping in blood and the taste of copper buzzes in the air. Joel shakes his head as he asks, “Where?” Timothy doesn’t immediately respond to which Joel twists the knife impaled in his knee, and he begins to cry in pain, “Fuck! Fuck! The town!” Joel's voice booms so loudly, you watch as his spit flies in the air, the room felt like it was shaking and every part of your body felt the vibrations as he yelled, “What town?!” Timothy pants in fear and pain, “Silver Lake.” Joel pushes his head backward and cries out in ache. 

Joel pulls out the map from his back pocket and unfolds it, Timothy begins to stumble over his words as he spoke, “It’s not a real town name. It’s a resort.” Joel’s eyes narrow, “A resort?” Then he quickly pulls the knife from his kneecap, the blood squirting out as he does, Timothy is crying out again but your eyes only watch how efficiently Joel moves. He stands and shoves the handle of the knife into Timothy’s mouth, and your posture shifts, you are now blinking wildly at his actions, and the unexpected rush of heat flows in every direction of your body, you swallow in anticipation.

Joel’s voice is gruff and grave as he instructs him, “You’re gonna point to where we are and where you’re ‘resort’ is. And it better be the exact same spot your buddy points to.” Timothy cries as he nods and the muffled sound of his reply, ”Okay.” He does as he is told, his blood becoming the markers of where you are and where you were now heading. Timothy drops the knife from his mouth, letting it fall to his lap, “That’s where we are. I swear.” Joel falls to his knees as he takes in the information, looking down directly at the map and then his hard gaze looks up as Timothy continues to beg, “Go ask him. He’ll tell you. I’m not lying.” There is no moment to react as Joel takes the knife, stands up, and stabs him right through the chest, he wails and screams, and you inadvertently flinch in shock, Joel twists the knife, letting his anger take over. Marco cries out to Joel, “No, No! Shit! Jesus! No! Why the fuck would you do that?! He told you what you wanted!”

Joel walks over to the chair on the side and grabs the rusty metal pipe atop it. The man you have journeyed with, kissed, and cared for is now pushed to his limits. He is tall and domineering over Marco as he squirms and curses at him, “You motherfucker. Fuck you. I ain’t tellin’ you shit.” Joel nods, his voice as bold as whiskey, deep and rich, “You see that woman over there by the corner, watchin’? That’s my girl. Your buddy over there was gon’ touch what is mine. And no one fuckin’ touches anythin’ that’s mine.”

Your eyebrows raise and your breathing lazily declines, as your system creates sparks and tingles all over your skin. The very sensitive part of you aches for Joel, and you allow yourself to lust over him. He claimed you right here, you are his girl, and anyone who hurts you would pay the price. A brutal and torturous death.

“And you know what, it’s okay. I believe him.” Joel said, and raises the pipe and Marco begs, “No, no. No!” The crunching sound of his skull being pried open, Joel using every bit of muscle and strength as he beats him to his death, blood splatters on the wall and the floor, he lets out his rage, and you enjoy every bit of violence that he exhibits right now, knowing he would never hurt you, just the people who threatened you and Ellie’s safety.

By the time Joel drops the pipe to the ground, you are no longer peeking around the corner, you are visibly standing a few feet away behind him, as his broad shoulders rise and fall from his heavy breathing. You are well aware of the shadows in your heart, but you want to feel tectonic shifts and as he turns to face you, he sees the wide-eyed beautiful woman he has given his heart to, not a single bit afraid, yet he can’t help but ask, “So you know all about me?” You nod, “Yes.” He questions, “And you still want me?” You close the distance between the both of you, gently cupping the side of his face. There is no hesitation in your response, “I want you all the more.”

You pack what you can and trek through the snow, the blizzard, and the wind is harsh and colder, you and Joel stumble about but keep pushing on, trying to get to Ellie on time. Joel holds your hand in his, guiding you to the resort on the map, he clutches a stone pillar of an establishment, and you tug his sleeve as you spot the trail of blood staining the icy snow. You and he follow the bloody path and break into the locked door that the trail leads to with the butt of his rifle, ushering you inside and then slamming the large wooden door shut. You and Joel catch your breath, and turn on your flashlights, letting them shine through the dark. You both have your guns drawn at the ready, inspecting the building, Joel crouches down to the bottom shelf, finding Ellie’s pack. You walk deeper into the dark house, following the trail of blood, and pushing past the doors. He finds both of your horses inside, the room and you blink away the tears as you continue to try and be brave. You tiredly bring your flashlight up to hear the weird creaky noise from behind the canoes, you feel Joel behind you as he also points his flashlight to a gruesome sight.

Every step you took was a confirmation, needing to reassure yourself that this was actually in front of you, you had known there was a character named David who was a cannibal but were not fully aware when that would happen or if it would even occur. You  cannot utter the careful words that you needed, you could barely speak out loud. Your heart pounded, your head spun and your eyes saw the three human bodies tied up by their ankles without any heads. It took everything in you not to throw up right there, feeling the reflex crawl up your throat, holding back from gagging at the sight in disgust. Joel stands there speechless as he stares at the dangling corpses, you reach for his hand for comfort, and he squeezes your own as you shakily breathe in and out.

You both exit the building, and point your nose up in the air, smelling for smoke so you can follow the trail back to a burning house. You and Joel rush to the source of the grey clouds of smoke and hear the loud door opening, Ellie’s shaken figure dazedly walking away from the scene. Joel swiftly catches up to the teen and grabs her from behind, which causes Ellie to go back into fight mode, she kicks and screams, “No! Get off of me!” She squirms in his arms, screaming and begging, “Get off!” Joel turns her around, and it takes her a bit to calm down and realize it’s you and Joel, “It’s me.” Joel says and Ellie falls to her knees crying, and punching him. He holds Ellie’s head in her hand, saying, “It’s me. Hey, look. It’s me. It’s me. It’s okay.” And Ellie almost can’t speak, as she hugs him, finally feeling safe. At this moment, Joel says, “It’s okay, baby girl. I got you.”

Though not the promised land, nor any perfect plan along your neutral path, there was a single lowered branch. Your ears are ringing at the slightest sound. Like a huge piano descending a million stairs slowly. The noises it produces, however, are only the growing pains of mending. You bring your arms around Ellie, and as the three of you hug, ​​every wrong will be made right, what was adamant, even permanent will have a change of heart and mind. In your disbelief, you'll clear your eyes as if you're seeing light for the very first time. Joel pulls away quickly to remove his jacket to place it over Ellie, holding his backpack in his other hand. The three of you walk away from the smell of smoke, miles away, clutching each other afraid and vulnerable, three panicked souls in the cold, for now, the dissonance disappears.

END NOTES

HORRAY VIOLENCE! (this is a joke- do I need to explain that-) I know, I KNOW THE CHAPTER IS SOOO SHORT PLS THERE WERENT ENOUGH SCENES CALMMMM IM JUST AS SAD but there is only so much I can dOOooo Many songs, quotes, and poems inspired me for this chapter HNGGG THESE WERE VERY VERY exPLICIT AND vIOLENT scenes to write and convey. Some parts of the story were taken from experiences I personally had by literally existing as a woman. The feeling of being unsafe and being taken advantage of is a sad and harsh reality of this world.  YAY FOR TAKING CARE OF JOEL AND GUIDING ELLIE… EVEN THOUGH MF UR STILL INJURED TOO GIRL CHILLLLL RIP HORSEY NOOOOOOOO At first, when I was writing this chapter for both Episodes 7 and 8, I was like, “Fuck, maybe I made a wrong call, Birdie shouldn’t have gotten hurt and should’ve got captured with Ellie.” And then I sat and thought about that for a good 3 hours, and realized that it would be a huge mistake, because Ellie and Joel still needed their resolve, meaning Ellie had to survive on her own for a while. Because there will be times when adults can’t always protect or shield their child from inevitable pain or problems. And essentially, you and Joel already had your own moment last chapter tehe David had it comin’ and only had hiMSELF TO BLAMEEEEE FUCK YOU CREEP, PREDATOR, ABUSER, STINKY MF MAN, YOU GOT WHAT YOU DESERVED yEaHHHH GET HIM ELLIE!  Bella Ramsy shrieking as she drives the knife into his chest multiple times, and then her last note faltering at the end, absolutely shattered every bit of my being, I love her, she’s so fucking talented, 5/5 stars cast mwah &lt;;3 The way I would give literally anYTHING TO BE HUGGED BY PEDRO LIKE THAT IN COMFORT T^T damn aGHHHH hORRAY MORE PARARALALALLELS WITH YOU AND ELLIE! Fighting for your life and your friend's life in that lab, at this point the school should pay for your therapy bill lol fUCK U RICHARD Also, it’s important to note, the night in that lab was a highly traumatic experience for Birdie, so she essentially froze a tiny bit when she felt like it was happening again. feel free to send me an ask if you have any kweschons, quonserns or klarifiqaystions :> - Grace

TAGLIST:

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[salome-c]

Pedro Pascal as Joel Miller

The Last Of Us HBO - Episode 5

[xxhypersomnia]

I love when I think I’ve seen all the photos of this man multiple times and then suddenly discover a new one.

Dear lord he’s gorgeous in every damn photo 🫠

This actually might be a new favorite of mine…

Here’s a source that was found and sent to me:

https://www.laughingplace.com/w/articles/2020/06/12/what-we-learned-from-disney-gallery-the-mandalorian-episode-7-score/ thanks @dsneybuf91

[vanillabourbon]

the first of many. | chapter one | ongoing tlou series

story summary. joel arrives at Jackson twenty years after the outbreak with a young girl that cares for him just as much as he cares for her. little did he know, he would soon meet someone else that would urge his returning sense of humanity one step further.

chapter one warnings. i'm starting to realize this is going to be a slowburn, sorry friends.

story pairings. joel miller x reader, tommy miller x platonic!reader

words. 7873

-

Chapter One. The Prodigal Son.

Jackson, Wyoming. 2023.

It was a brutal winter. Jackson sat in a valley, leaving many, including you, to assume the brute of every storm would pass without much consequence. Of course, this once, you were wrong.

The nights were cold. Sometimes the following night was even colder. The indoors weren’t so bad, but you couldn’t help but to think of the bitter, chilly air while lying alone – awake for an unknown number of hours – in your bedroom. Every creak and groan of the house you took refuge in had long since gone silent whenever the wind died down at this hour. If solitude had a brink, you were sure this would be it.

The only noise you heard was the incessant ticking of the grandfather clock somewhere in the hallway. It was loud, repetitive to a fault, and the last thing you wanted to hear when another sleepless night led to the start of your patrol week. Every slow blink of your heavy eyelids only interrupted the path your eyes traced along the speckled ceiling above you. Every tick reminding you of all the times you forgot to ask Tommy to help you remove the clock from your house instead of spending your nights wondering who lived here before you.

Before the outbreak. Before the world fell to pieces.

The ticking was never the only noise. Not for long, of course. Jackson was stirring awake. Front doors were shutting and little children were already laughing. Despite the cold, despite the frostbitten fingers and cracked lips, despite the outside world staving off infected, every child-like sound and rumble of snow removal felt mind-numbingly similar to a world you’d almost forgotten. 

Or maybe a world you wanted to forget. Even now you still couldn't decide.

Your thoughts were on repeat, just like the clock. And yet the clock was still louder. Much louder. Every second passed was excruciating. You willed yourself to be thoughtless. Every night you fought to quiet your mind … to no avail. Without the need or constant threat of surviving another day, there was nothing to displace a constant line of thinking that never failed to bring about a quiet discontent.

Eventually, you noticed the rhythm of the clock’s ticking coincided with every tap of your finger against your bed frame. Your back dug into the mattress, pressing yourself deeper and deeper into it as if your bed would swallow you whole. You ignored the sudden sounds of boots climbing up the stairs of your front porch as you forced yourself to stop tapping.

A well-timed, and fully expected, knock at your door did nothing to draw your gaze from the ceiling. Not at first. You knew who was on the other side of that door, and you also knew you didn’t want to hear a thing from Maria about being late to patrol. It was either bite the bullet now or later.

With a soft grunt, you chose now.

You hoisted yourself out of bed and ambled over to your opened closet. While you made quick work of changing your clothes, another round of sharp knocks – thump, thump, thump – echoed throughout your house. Insistent. Unrelenting. But still substantially polite.

Only Tommy, you thought. Only Tommy.

–

Before making your way to the front door, you slipped into the kitchen and grabbed a leftover apple you snagged from the dining hall. Strictly for appearances. You wanted to seem like you’d just awoken, that you’d started having a light breakfast before patrol. You weren’t unaware of Tommy’s ability to appear more oblivious than he actually was.

He’d notice. He always did.

You opened the door shortly after his fifth knock. The two of you made eye contact, already very much aware of the other’s intentions.

“I wasn’t going to miss check-in,” you stated, taking a pointed bite out of your apple. “I was just getting ready. Thinking about some new patrol routes to run by Colby before we leave.”

Colby, your patrol partner and ever the golden boy. No one thought twice of your word when you mentioned him, least of all Tommy.

You took a step back, acknowledging Tommy’s entrance, before grabbing your boots and walking toward the adjacent living room. Tommy closed your front door softly before following you. Slowly. Eyeing you as if he was trying to figure out how to broach an inevitable subject.

He shuffled forward, choosing to lean against the wall instead of sitting down next to you. It felt condescending. Wary. “I didn’t come here for that. You know that.”

You held your apple in your mouth as you shimmied a boot onto your foot. You raised your brow in question, trying to act as oblivious as you hoped you looked.

Tommy eyed you for a long moment before sighing. “You didn’t come by for breakfast again.”

You plucked the apple out of your mouth. “I overslept.”

“You never oversleep.”

“Maybe I’m just tired of eating breakfast with Maria.” Your defiant, tight-lipped smile immediately vanished at Tommy’s hurt expression. Your chest deflated. “ … And you.”

He frowned. “What?”

“With the baby coming, you two need to spend as much time together as possible, Tommy. I don’t want to get in the way of that.”

“You wouldn’t.” Tommy tried to give you a meaningful look, but you kept your eyes down. Your fingers worked to lace up your boot in the sudden silence. “Nothing’s going to change.”

“Everything’s going to change, Tommy. Everything has changed. And that’s alright. At least one of us had to relearn how to build some kind of a life.”

“You’re always welcome for breakfast. That’s never going to change.”

You let the silence drone on, using the need to put on your other boot as much needed time to think of what to say. Preferably how to change the subject. You took another bite of your apple before placing it on the coffee table in front of you.

You wiped your mouth with the back of your hand before settling on a change in subject. “Yeah, well, I told myself that I’m going to start eating in the dining hall with Colby.”

“Thought you didn’t like Colby. You said he talked too much.”

“Yeah, so do you. I got used to that real quick. I’m sure I can give Colby the same benefit.”

Tommy let out a short laugh. “How is the new partner, anyway? First one who hasn’t switched on you since we were partners.”

“Are you saying I’m hard to be with?”

It was clear it was growing difficult to suppress a smile, but Tommy fought it well. “No,” he replied slowly. “I’m only saying. Seems nice enough. A good fit for ya.”

You finally caught on to his insinuation. The threat of something more – something intimate – made you recoil sharply. “Don’t, Tommy.”

“I’m just saying. He’s nice – a good man.”

“We patrol together, Tommy. And half the people in Jackson are ‘nice.’ Nice comes from losing so much.”

Almost instantly, you regretted making the conversation turn for the worse, but Tommy’s always been quick. He was leaning against the wall so openly, so casually, shoving his hands in his pockets with a familiar, disarming smile in less than a minute. 

“You mentioned something about new patrol routes. Something happen?” You went quiet for a minute, standing to shoulder your jacket that’d been draped over the sofa. You ignored the few steps it took for him to cross the living room and stand in front of you. He helped you with your jacket without question. “You know if something happened, you and Colby have to report it.”

“I know, Tommy.” With a mutter, you added, “You sound like Maria.”

He paused, forcing you to look at him. “If something happened, you have to tell me.”

“Nothing happened, Tommy. Honest. Other than tripping and falling in the old warehouse, nothing’s happened.” You zipped your jacket and faced him fully, looking into his eyes with sudden sincerity. “Sometimes we all just need a change. In pace. In scenery. Just a change, Tommy. That’s all it is.”

Tommy’s response was slow … and then not at all. His mouth opened slightly before closing altogether.

You tilted your head, puckering your lips in annoyance. “You want me to run it by Maria.”

Nearly imperceptible, Tommy sucked in a breath, weighing his decision before shaking his head. “No. Not as long as you stick to the usual route most of the time. You know how they are around here. Real –”

“ – protective  of this place. I know, I know. You remind me every day.” You gave him a small smile. A genuine one this time. “Deal.”

He shook his head, smiling like the over-tolerant man he tended to be with you. “C’mon, we’ve still got time to run by the dining hall.”

“We?”

“I’ve got time; I’m helping fix up some of the buildings today. You can eat a proper breakfast, and, if you’ve got new routes to share with Colby –,” he paused, ambling over to your front door and gesturing for you to follow close behind, “ — then I wanna hear ‘em.”

With that, the walk toward the door was already filled with Tommy’s habit for talking. It was clear his mind was elsewhere – on Maria, on the baby, on the state of Jackson. He had a habit like that, talking about the things that were clearly on his mind while trying to defect to other conversations to keep the solemnity of it all to a minimum.

You’d almost thank him for it. Almost.

It was always nice to hear regular conversation, as if the world wasn’t burning, and had burned, outside of everything that currently surrounded you. Tommy was good at that – a constant reminder that no matter how bad things were, there was always something, seemingly inconsequential, that could bring light to the seriousness of it all. Of everything, really. You liked that.

That’s why you let him talk and didn’t immediately wipe the growing smile that traced your lips.

“ – and I’ll probably work less, once the baby comes. Marie and I have already decided that,” he was saying. Your smile dropped, then. 

It all felt strange – inane. Like everyone and everything was trying to rebuild something that wasn’t meant to be rebuilt. And children. Children were the last thing that should be brought into a world like this.

But he was Tommy, and you would be remiss not to share in his happiness.

You managed a tight-lipped smile, eyes barely leaving the ground, as you reached for the door knob. “Yeah, sounds great, Tommy. Happy for you.”

You eyed him for a moment, a smile threatening every inch of your countenance, but you shoved it down as soon as you opened the door. Your patrol partner, Colby, stood on your front porch, arm outstretched mid-knock, and wide eyes trained on the both of you. His tall, lanky figure stood awkwardly in your doorway.

Tommy stopped, mid stride, conversation dropping immediately and a wide grin spreading rapidly.

“Well, looks like we didn’t have to go lookin’ very far,” Tommy said, humorously bumping your shoulder as he shoved his hands in his pockets. He nodded in greeting, “Colby.”

“Tommy.” Colby nodded, looking between you and his raised fist before dropping his hand entirely. “I – um – I couldn’t find you at the dining hall. I thought I should swing by to check on you before our shift.”

Tommy’s eyes slid toward you with a smirk, muttering, “Well, ain’t that sweet.”

Colby’s hopeful expression was almost unbearable. For a moment, you tried for a smile, but you were sure it came across as more of a grimace. When you didn’t say anything, Tommy cleared his throat. The absence of subtlety was lost on Colby. His failure to notice your annoyance was almost as comical as his inability to tell your intention as you took a few pointed steps toward your pack hanging on a hook to your left.

You were going to leave your pack today, but you hoped it would send a message: Let’s get to the stables and start our shift. Nothing more; nothing less.

You nodded, hooking your pack across your shoulder. “Let’s go.”

Without another moment, you ushered the two of them out and away from your door. Even as you fished your house key out of your pocket, you could see the warm, encouraging smile Tommy gave Colby as they walked. You made no attempt to stop yourself from rolling your eyes at the sight.

The sound of your door locking tightly behind you sent you bounding down the stairs to join the two men on the street.

With a simple nod, you were going to walk right by Tommy and expect Colby to follow in your wake. But Tommy stopped you with a light hand tap to your arm.

“Careful on those new routes.”

“Always.”

He studied you for a long moment, eyes scrutinizing and stance weary. You just let him. Something in your gaze – determination, lack of fear, self-preservation – made him relax and, without warning, pull you into a side hug. You hit his side as he whispered, “Bring it in.”

You took a few measured breathes, letting yourself relax in his grasp, before you pushed yourself upright. You walked out of his embrace with another nod in his direction before heading to the stables.

You hardly noticed the way Colby looked when he fell in stride with you.

"I didn't take you for the affectionate type."

With a shrug, your clipped response was a grunted, "I'm not."

Despite yourself, Tommy's hugs were familiar, reminiscent of a time you couldn't quite place with people you couldn't quite remember. But the next time you saw Tommy, hours later, pulling another into that same kind of hug, it was suddenly different. Foreign.

Hours later, he was hugging his brother.

–

All of the air had been sucked out of the room the moment Joel Miller spoke.

Maybe we could have a moment alone, just for family, he had said.

Your immediate thought was how rude the insinuation must’ve seemed to Maria … until Joel’s gaze met yours first.

He had been in Jackson all of five minutes, and your eyes hadn’t left him since. Even now, when he and a young girl – Ellie, he had explained – sat across from you, Tommy, and Maria in the dining hall.

He looked exactly as you thought he might. You weren’t sure what it was you had been expecting from the older Miller, but the person sitting in front of you was pretty much it. Broad. Brooding. Similar to Tommy in looks and in stature, but still not quite the same. They were family, though, that was for sure.

And now he was making it very apparent that you were not.

The cold, icy feeling of isolation and neglect crept along the back of your neck at his words, bristling and tensing as his gaze fell over you for the first time. Briefly. He set his stare on Tommy after that, working his fork over what was left of his food. 

He hadn’t bothered to look at you much, but you also made no effort to make your presence known. You hadn’t spoken since you'd returned from patrol and the two brothers had reunited. You hadn’t left Tommy’s side, either. The latter wasn’t unusual, of course, so there was no hesitation when you remained at his side, same as Maria. Hesitation only came when Tommy, with a slight pause, turned toward you.

In shock, you snapped your gaze from Joel to Tommy. Without the heat of your gaze, Joel’s eyes could appraise you without much risk. His eyes flitted between you and Tommy, trying but failing to understand the silent conversation that warred between the two of you. His eyes trailed from your hair to the way your fist furled and unfurled on the edge of the table. He was assessing. Gauging. His eyes were back on his plate within seconds.

Conversely, Tommy’s gaze pleaded with you, with every ounce of subtle vulnerability he could muster, with the warm, apologetic look he gave. He wanted you to do as Joel said. A sickening feeling peeled at your gut and constricted your throat at the thought.

But he and Joel were right; you weren’t family.

With an indignant sniff, you rose from your seat and left the dining hall without a single look back.

In your wake, Ellie watched your retreating figure with newfound interest. “Who’s that?”

After a moment, and a brief glance in Maria’s direction, Tommy answered with a cool smile, “A friend. We came to Jackson together. We survived together,” he paused, using his index finger to motion between Joel and Ellie, “Same as you.”

At that, Joel’s eyes momentarily slid over to the door you’d just exited from.

–

The latter half of the evening began to settle in when you heard a familiar gait approach you at the stables. You didn’t bother turning around, not initially. The sun had slipped below the hills surrounding Jackson, and you were sure you could safely spend the rest of the night alone before having to face Tommy again, or anyone really. You wanted to sift through your thoughts properly without the threat of having to speak to anyone else.

That's why you came to the stables. They're quiet. Unassuming. A good place to be alone.

You should’ve known Tommy wouldn’t let you stay that way. 

It was no surprise that he knew to find you at the stables, checking the locks for the millionth time in the way you did when you could find nothing else to do with your hands. Or time.

It was cathartic, you used to always say. Made you feel like you were worth something.

“I didn’t think we rotated stable duty anymore. Not this quickly, anyway,” he called out. “Besides, I’d think you should still be sleepin’ off your patrol shift from this morning.”

You merely glanced at him over your shoulder, offering something between a scoff and a humorless laugh. “I’m just double checking. The new guys always forget something.”

“Suit yourself.” You could hear him shuffling around, trying but failing to avoid the obvious tension between the two of you. “You find anything interesting on your new route today? Was it the scenery you hoped for?”

Your back remained toward him as you mumbled something, nearly incoherent, in response. Nothing new. Different scenery, same feelings. Nothing worth over explaining … or explaining at all. Your voice faded and the silence continued until he let out a sigh.

“I wanted to apologize about earlier. I shouldn’t have made you leave. Everything was so tense –”

“Doesn’t matter. You don’t have to apologize. I get it.”

He paused before trying again. “Everything was so tense. I thought it best to do whatever Joel said to ease it up a bit. Make ‘em feel more comfortable.”

You only nodded, and Tommy sighed again. He moved to lean against a wooden post, crossing his arms and looking at his feet. You wanted to finish checking the locks before you turned around. You thought of him, and the girl, and Joel. His brother came back, and Tommy chose to cater to him. That should be fine. That is fine. You’d probably do the same, if you could.

Joel. Something about him clung to your mind, and perhaps that was why your skin crawled and you hadn’t felt right since seeing him. You never quite thought of what to expect when you met him. If you met him. The way Tommy had dropped little pieces of information about him – here and there, in spurts and bouts – you were sure you knew the man already. But the man that had sat across from you was unforthcoming, aloof, restrained, hard to read, … stiff.

You nearly wanted to double over at the memory of Tommy once telling you that you reminded him of his brother.

Finally, you stopped idling poking around with the locks and dropped your shoulders, turning to face him. At least he could be read like a book.

“I know there’s more, Tommy. What is it? Did he tell you the real reason why he came?”

Tommy shook his head quickly. Almost too quickly. “I really do think he came to check up on me, that's all. I haven’t radioed him in a while.”

“I told you to.”

“I know. Can’t pass up an opportunity to say, ‘I told you so,’ can you?” A moment of silence. His smile died on his lips as he was forced to acknowledge the seriousness.  “He wants me to take the girl.”

“What do you mean? Take her where?”

“South. The fireflies have a base in Colorado.”

“Did he tell you why?”

He looked at you – communicative yet reluctant. Like he wanted to tell you but couldn’t, and the guilt made him apologetic. You swallowed a lump forming in your throat.

“Alright,” you said slowly. “Did he tell you anything else?”

“Nope. Just that I need to take her … and I agreed.”

You nodded, weighing your options in your head. “Well, then, when do we leave?”

“Woah, ‘we’?” Tommy pushed himself off the post and walked a step closer. “There’s no we on this. It’s just me and the girl.”

“Tommy, if you think I’m letting you leave Jackson without me, you’re wrong. And you know it.”

“It’s just a week’s ride. You and me, we’ve gone further than that – separately, too. I’ll be fine. I’ll take the girl, and be back before your next stable duty. I need someone here to watch Maria. To watch Joel. Someone I can trust.”

“Yeah? And who will watch you?”

He let out a short laugh. “I don't need anyone to watch me.”

“You know it’s more than that, Tommy. I have a bad feeling about this.”

You both shared a look – a knowing look. Tommy was well aware of how much it meant to you when you had a bad feeling. And it was true. You practically couldn’t stand still at the thought of it all. 

He nodded in understanding before looking away. “I get it, but I’m going alone on this. It’ll be easier. Faster. But I needed to tell you so you don’t go worryin’ tomorrow morning.”

He looked like he wanted to say more, to step closer and end the conversation with a light, familiar hand to the shoulder, but he didn’t. He only gave you one last meaningful look before turning and walking away. 

–

That night was the same as all others. The incessant ticking of the grandfather clock, the methodical tracing of every grove and indent in the ceiling above you, and the quiet natural sounds of the undisturbed town. The only difference was the added weight that dipped the mattress at the base of your bed – your bag.

Despite what Tommy said, you fully planned on joining him in the morning with a bag packed with two week’s worth of essentials.

Over and over, you imagined the conversation in the stables. You were searching for any giveaways on Tommy’s face that might lend any credibility to what Joel was getting him into. Why the fireflies? Why would the girl need to go to one of their bases? Why come all the way to Jackson? What made the girl so important?

Your stomach churned at every scenario and theory, eyes regularly forgetting the path they were tracing across the speckled ceiling. With a low huff, you turned on your side and stared at the curtains instead. The standard, white, thin curtains that came with the house, same as the clock. They weren’t your favorite, but they reminded you of the time before. They reminded you that there even was a time before.

For whatever reason, that brought as much comfort as it did pain.

Whether the thought brought a wave of fatigue that pushed you over the brink of sleep, you couldn’t tell, but you were pulling yourself up and out of bed the moment the first signs of daylight poked through your window. The early sunlight spilled lazily across your floorboards and sent your heart thumping wildly.

You knew if the two of them were leaving, they would do so early. You’d be damned if Tommy left you behind.

You were up and out of your house faster than you’d ever been before. A small part of you tried not to dwell on the fact that your heart was actually beating with excitement. The thought of leaving Jackson for some time was invigorating – freeing. You’d never admit it to Tommy – you’d barely admit it to yourself – but the town was far too overwhelming at times.

You’d traded Fedra's walls for Jackson’s walls, and the idea was none too pleasing next to the sight of all of the calm, relaxed faces.

It still seemed so trivial to have all of this in here – calm, reassurance, life – while the world rotted out there. 

The suffocation of it all was also one of the reasons you jumped at the chance to join the patrol team only days after you and Tommy joined Jackson. You needed a regular out, to catch your breath and to remind yourself there still was a world out there. Broken, tattered, and empty. But it was there all the same.

And now here was another chance, an opportunity to go even for just a little while longer.

Even if the last thing you expected was to turn the corner at the entrance of the stable and see Joel.

The older Miller was fiddling with one of the padlocks, mumbling something under his breath before he chanced a look over his shoulder to find you watching him with partially parted lips. He froze that way for a second. It never occurred to you which one of you would speak first until the silence between you started to stretch on, second by second.

The two of you took a breath at the same time, seconds away from over-talking one another, just as Colby rounded the corner and came to a stop a few steps behind you. Your name left his lips, breathlessly and pleasantly surprised.

“What are you doing here?” He asked. You turned to face him just as his eyes flitted towards Joel before settling back on you. “Our name’s aren’t on the board for today.”

You nodded. Your bag suddenly seemed heavy on your shoulder, so you adjusted the straps to avoid eye contact for a few seconds. “I could ask you the same question.”

“Olivia and Myles need some things fixed around their house. Toby mentioned we had some spare tools lying around the stables if I wanted to help.” His voice trailed off at the sound of Joel yanking the padlock off one of the horse’s pens. Colby’s eyes shifted to your bag. “Are you heading out?”

You heard the faintest stutter in Joel’s movements. You wondered if he realized Tommy let you in on the matter.

When you didn’t immediately respond, Colby tried for a laugh. It sounded oddly strained. “Showing the new guy the ropes already, huh?”

An exaggerated grunt sounded behind you, and you rolled your eyes. Joel’s lack of response and familiarity with you should’ve been enough of an answer for Colby. Obviously not, of course.

“No,” you stated simply. You were quick on your feet. Dismissive. You felt partially bad for how smoothly a lie flew from your lips to placate his misplaced curiosity, but you wanted him gone more than anything else at the moment. “I’ve been helping Maria with something.”

Your response did exactly as you anticipated. There was little opposition whenever you said you were doing something for Maria; no one ever asked or pushed further. Thankfully, Colby was one of the many who never asked questions.

Colby nodded, excusing himself as he stepped by you and walked toward one of the work benches. His gaze flitted toward Joel several more times as he collected a few items and grabbed a nearby toolbox. You’d never seen him in such a rush to do anything. You wondered if he could feel the taut air, the strained edginess in the situation he just walked in on.

If he did, his smile didn’t show it.

He walked back toward you on his way out, brushing your shoulder with his own. He nodded his head in goodbye. “I’ll see you around.”

Your only response was a tight-lipped smile as you watched his retreating figure. Anything to avoid turning back to Joel for as long as possible. You weren’t sure what to say or how to say it. You were sure he suspected Tommy told you what the two of them had discussed, even if Tommy hadn’t told you much. Joel didn’t know that.

And, when you turned around, Joel’s expression gave away exactly what you figured. Partial annoyance littered every muscle in his face as his jaw feathered.

With eyes trained on you, he nodded in your direction. “Tommy tell you?”

You didn’t know whether to nod or vigorously disagree. You were aware of how rocky their relationship was, how turbulent their past must have been for the two of them to separate, and you wanted little to do with however they felt about one another.

Still, Joel took your silence as an answer and clucked his tongue in irritation.

“You shouldn’t blame him,” You spoke up, crossing your arms defiantly, “When I want information, I’m pretty good at grilling people for it.”

“I know Tommy. He doesn’t need much grillin’.”

Silence ensued once more until your curiosity won. You watched him strap his pack on the horse for a few moments before speaking up again. “If Tommy’s the one leaving, why are you here? Prepping a horse, no less.”

“I’m giving Ellie a choice – me or Tommy.”

“And why’s that?”

“It’s only fair.”

“No, I mean, why Tommy? Why not you? It’s been just you and Ellie so far. Why change that now?”

“Tommy’s younger. Stronger. Faster. Her best bet would be to leave with him.”

You considered that, eyes wandering Joel’s figure with sudden interest. It was partially self-indulgent, if you were to be completely honest with yourself. It was your first time really getting to look at him … and he looked alright. A slight tilt to his gait, from age or injury or both. His broad frame and build were controlled, guarded, muscular.

With a shrug and a brief look away, you tried for indifference. “You seem just fine.”

“Yeah, well, I’m not. Tommy’s the better choice.”

“Tommy has a kid on the way.”

“Yeah, well,” he paused, casting a short glance in your direction, “not that it’s your place, but it’s important that Ellie gets to where she needs to be.”

You chose not to say anything after that. You felt it best to wait for Tommy, to see how this would all play out. You were fine there, with your arms crossed and eyes now pinned on your shoes, until one side of the saddle slipped. Joel’s frustrated sigh made your head snap back up. He was holding one of the saddle clamps in one hand and raising his other hand to his mouth, biting  the tip of his gloved finger to yank the glove off completely.

 With a roll of your eyes, you dropped your bag and marched towards him without a second thought. He was too distracted, busying himself with the horse’s straps, to notice you until you were grabbing the loose straps from his cold hands and finishing them yourself.

He didn’t protest or take a step back – didn’t move an inch, in fact. All he did was take his glove from his mouth and stare down at you, sizing you up. 

“Why’re you here? Were you going to leave with them – with Tommy and Ellie?” He paused. “Is that what your bag is for? Was that your plan?”

He made your idea sound ridiculous. Far-fetched. His tone was enough to make you shoot a glare over your shoulder, making brief but pointed eye contact before your attention fell back to the horse.

“Wherever Tommy goes, I go.”

“That so?”

You only hummed in response until you conceded. “Mostly.”

“Why’s that? Tommy said this trip shouldn’t be dangerous.”

“It’s not.”

“Then why leave?”

The last strap slipped easily in place, and you turned to look at him. “Because I want to.”

You’re not sure why you said it, however truthful it was. His brow furrowed in confusion, and a part of you wondered if you said too much. It was clear his persistence only meant his genuine concern for his and Ellie’s safety. You were sure he wasn’t expecting to pull a confession from you.

Thankfully, the sound of footsteps interrupted the silence once more as Tommy and Ellie rounded the corner of the stable’s entrance. You stepped away from Joel to meet Tommy halfway, and the movement caught Tommy’s attention immediately. His approach suddenly became cautious, weary. His brow furrowed, and you noticed how similar his confused expression was to Joel’s.

“What are you doing here?”

With a smirk, you responded, “Told you you wouldn’t leave here without me.”

He only shook his head, fighting a grin, as the two of you turned to watch Joel and Ellie. It came as a shock to you how quickly she chose Joel. Her decision was quick, without question, and made Joel fail miserably in hiding his elation. She was already swinging her leg to climb on top of the horse by the time Joel registered her clear devotion.

You should’ve been relieved – relieved that Tommy would be staying here and not taking some random teenager across the empty planes far from Jackson, alone. Maybe a part of you should’ve felt traces of bitterness for not having the opportunity to leave as you wanted to. But all you felt was a feeling of dread deep in your chest, like that day twenty years earlier. Outbreak Day. The day your brother never came back.

“I’m going with them.”

It was quiet. Small. Even without trying, Tommy still heard it.

His head whipped towards you. “What? Why?”

“Something still doesn’t feel right, Tommy.”

He studied you – the way your eyes never left Ellie, or Joel. Finally, he nodded. “Then, I’ll go.”

“What?” You turned to face him, shaking your head. “Tommy, you can’t just leave like you used to. Maria needs you here.”

“If something happens to my brother, I should be there.”

A lump formed in your throat at his sentiment, but you’ve had enough practice to push it down. You only nodded solemnly. “Maria needs you Tommy. I’ll go.”

Tommy took a moment. He looked between Joel and Ellie, then to you. He finally nodded and set his gaze on Joel. “You need an escort?”

–

A part of you was glad to find immediate solace in the way the sun crept along your neck and pulled apart your every tensed muscle. Even if your only thought was Tommy's parting words to you.

"Play nice," he had whispered, looking meaningfully towards you. He had nodded in Joel's direction. "Go easy on him."

The other part of you was too consumed by the consistent chatter coming from the two trotting close to your left. Joel’s responses, however short and sparse, were nothing compared to Ellie’s tendency to ramble. His speech still came – deep and soft – more often than you expected it to. Joel was a different man with Ellie; that much was clear.

“What about you?” Ellie's voice drifted towards you without caution.

“Ellie,” Joel grunted.

“What? It’s just a question. Doesn’t have to be answered … but I know it will be.”

Your eyebrow perked up as you chanced a side-long look in her direction. “Yeah? What makes you think that?”

“I can see you over there, practically dying to chime in on our conversation.”

“That’s an overstatement.”

“Maybe … but it’s true. Partial truth, I guess, but true all the same.”

“I actually didn’t think the two of you would be this talkative.”

“He didn’t use to be.”

You looked over at Joel this time. His eyes flitted away from you at first contact, feigning indifference. His elbow nudged Ellie from where she sat behind him, gripping his jacket. It was clearly his attempt to shut her up before she said something that might crack his facade. But you’d be lying if you weren’t curious. The older Miller brother was growing harder to read – nothing like how you’d thought or how Maria assumed him to be. 

You decided to lean into Ellie’s good graces, to spurn her on. If and only if to protect Tommy, even if it meant from his own brother. “Alright. I’ll bite.”

“He used to be a grump. Always said,” she paused, inflating her chest as she put on, what you assumed to be, her best attempt at Joel’s accent, “‘no’ or ‘Ellie shut up.’”

“And what changed?”

The two of them went radio silent, and you shrugged it off with an annoying tug of disappoint. At worst, you’d already missed your chance to nudge at the real reason the two of them suddenly wound up in Jackson, or if Joel posed a risk to all that Tommy built away from him. At best, you gained the silence you were hoping for.

For two seconds.

“So, movies. Were they always like that – like back in Jackson. Just a bunch of people in front of a screen, watching some boring movie.”

You wanted to snort at that. A brief quirk of the corners of your lips probably betrayed the humor you’d found in her statement. For a brief moment, you remembered him – your brother. Jostling your shoulders in the snack line, ready and willing to watch some movie with you because none of your friends would. So carefree, so unaware of the hell that would lead to neither one of you seeing the inside of a theater ever again.

The hilarity of it all suddenly died.

“Pretty much,” Joel offered. “Overpriced junk food, long lines, and faded chairs with candy stuck between every cushion.”

You frowned at that, sending a glare in his direction that you didn’t entirely mean. Before the outbreak, movies were your favorite. It felt remiss to let Joel dull the experience for a kid – for someone who would never get to experience it the way you did. The way either of you did, if Joel were to be honest you were sure. 

You scoffed, gaining both of their attention almost immediately. “Jackson is only half of what the world was like. A good half – or start, I guess – but half all the same. Everything’s different, including movies. Back then, movies were packed with people of all ages. Everyone was always excited to see whatever was playing. Or, sometimes, you’d go to these places – stores – and get the movies there to watch at home.”

“Movie stores,” she stated. Whimsical. Dream-like.

You nodded. “You’d rent them, take them home, and probably lose them the next day. You’d rack up enough late fees to make you never want to rent a movie again. Then you show up … and do it all over again.”

“Why?”

Thinking about the world in its current state and everything you did before the outbreak seemed silly, dramatic. The cares of that life seemed so far away, so distant and ridiculous, you were sure it had no meaning now and certainly had no meaning then. But it was nice … even if the information was being forced out of you, pried by someone – just a kid – who meant no harm, just an innocence worth protecting.

“I don’t know,” you answered truthfully.

You spared a glance in their direction and saw them both looking at you intently. You cleared your throat, mentioning something about being careful and needing to make it to your destination in a timely manner, before spurring your horse forward with a kick of your heel.

–

Their words became isolated, faraway, with the distance you put between yourself and them. You kept your head on a swivel, watching and waiting for anything out of the norm or out of place. It had been awhile since you made this trip, but you were still able to remember natural landmarks fairly easily. You were starting to think your worry was for nothing, that Joel might be wondering why you’d made such a commotion at the thought of them leaving alone.

At the thought, you turned around to check on the now silent duo. Your checks were periodical, militaristic, but necessary all the same. From here, it seemed like Ellie’s head had found rest against Joel’s shoulder, brown ponytail tossing in the wind and brushing against his bare skin. It stirred something in the pit of your stomach, so you faced forward.

You trotted onward, slightly shocked Joel made no mention of setting up camp as the sun dipped lower and lower. Your only thoughts were on the destination, pushing and testing the boundary on how far you could ride before camp was unavoidable.

Eventually, you decided to relent. The sun was low in the sky, and dusk was beginning to wane. You turned and sent a nod in Joel’s direction before pulling off the road to find camp. This was the one part you never particularly liked. Camping, even in a part shrouded by trees, felt too open, too vulnerable. But it was all you could manage between here and the firefly base.

To your slight surprise, Ellie and Joel worked in near perfect unison to take off their packs and find places to settle while you attended to the horses. It didn’t take long for Ellie to slip into her sleeping bag and let sleep wash over her. Even in the middle of a dense wooded area, on hardened ground and surrounded by unlocalized sounds, sleep came easily for her. You were slightly jealous and suddenly reminiscent of times when sleep came easily for you too.

When you were finished, you took refuge against a tree, back digging into the bark. Quietly, Joel sat adjacent to you, eyes also on Ellie but, every so often, on you.

“How do you know Tommy?”

You almost wanted to laugh at how quickly he jumped right into conversation. Without Ellie’s chatter, it didn’t seem like Joel could stand the quiet any more than he could stand having an added third party with them. Or maybe he was just genuinely curious about his brother. With all the time between them since the last time they’d seen each other, it was only right that he’d be interested in the life Tommy built away from him.

You wondered what it was like – for an older sibling to watch what the younger had built without them, without their help.

Tommy. Just the thought of him made you turn toward Joel. You caught his eye just as his gaze flitted toward you. The two of you eyed each other, wearily.

You wanted to ignore Joel completely if it meant sitting in comfortable silence, but Tommy meant something to you. And Joel meant something to Tommy. 

Play nice, Tommy had whispered. You partially hated how he assumed you wouldn’t … even if he was right.

“We met a little while before we bumped into Maria and her crew.” You shrugged. “I guess you could say we’ve been something like partners ever since.”

“He never mentioned you on the radio.” 

“Tell me, Joel, did you ever have conversations that would’ve led to him mentioning me?”

Joel seemed partially stunned by the biting remark. He gave a small shake of his head before retreating back into himself. A heavy feeling settled in your chest at the sight. With a sigh, you decide to give conversation another try.

“So, how do you know the kid?”

He huffed. “‘S complicated.”

You glanced at the horizon. “We’ve got six hours, cowboy.”

The nickname slipped from your tongue so easily you almost didn’t catch it. It was normal, typical, when talking to Tommy. You tried to ignore Joel’s raised brow when he looked at you for a long moment before responding.

“I’m just meant to protect her, that’s all.”

“I get that.”

A wry smile broke his neutral expression as he shook his head, picking up your insinuation. “Tommy’s a grown man. He doesn’t need protectin’.”

“And that’s why you traveled across the country to get to him?”

“He’s my brother. That’s different. ”

“Yeah.” You nodded, swallowing an impending lump in your throat. Your gaze dropped to your lap. “Yeah.” 

A quiet fell between you two. The surrounding trees suddenly felt too close, too restrictive. You were certain they were starting to close in on you. You probably would've stood and tried to find a clearing had it not been for Joel clearing his throat.

“What about you — any family?”

“We all used to have somebody.”

“Colby seems to know you well enough. Seems to be the only person I’ve seen you talk to other than Tommy.”

“Well, in the two minutes you’ve been here, yes. Colby’s my patrol partner. It was always Tommy, but we’ve learned to accept things as they are in Jackson. Even if it means something as simple as trading shifts.”

“You or Tommy?”

You looked at him, brow quirked in confusion. “What?”

“You said ‘we’ve learned to accept.’ You certainly sound like ‘em. At least, the way he is now anyway. Just wonderin’ if you’ve taken to Jackson’s many … rules like he has.”

You suddenly remembered what you had told him back at the stables – about wanting to leave Jackson. You shook your head at the memory.

“Jackson really is a good place. They’ve treated us like their own from day one. I didn’t trust them at first, but we made friends … I still think I can thank Marie’s soft spot for Tommy for that.”

“So you were there? When they were … married.”

“Of course I was. Look, I know Tommy. He rushes into things, doesn’t always think them through …,” Your voice trailed off at Joel's sharp glance. You realized how you must’ve sounded, but it was clear his sudden attention wasn’t from a place of warning or hostility. He was agreeing, partially shocked at how observant and perceptive you were to who his brother was. You continued on, “ … but I really think he took his time with this. He cares about her, a lot.”

“And you?”

“What about me?”

“You and him just seem so close. I thought …”

He wasn't sure what he thought, but he didn't finish his thought. A part of you was glad for it, even if the conversation dwindled. Not because you weren’t used to people assuming some sort of romantic past existed between you and Tommy, which it didn’t, but because you were not in the least bit interested broaching that subject with his older brother.

You stood to your feet. “Tommy’s my friend. I protect his the way he would protect mine. Right now, that means you.” You look around, trying not to look at his expression. He seemed surprised – eyeing you as if he was trying to figure you out. You didn’t particularly like it. “We should probably check the perimeter again. It’s been awhile.” You nod in some vague direction. “I’ll head over there, make sure the area’s clear.”

“Yeah.” Joel was nodding finally, taking his time to stand to his feet. He seemed to tower over you, even while leaning. It was then you noticed he was slightly taller than Tommy. A few inches, but taller all the same. You were surprised he didn’t laugh at the notion of you protecting him the way Tommy always did. “If you see something … shout.”

“And wake the kid?” You nodded toward Ellie, sleeping in her sack like a pile of bricks. A ghost of a smile almost graced your lips. Almost. “I’d kill to sleep like that again. If I see something, I’ll take care of it.”

“She’s tougher than she looks. Even if you do wake her, she’ll be alright.”

The two of you shared a nod before parting ways. Joel was the one to glance over his shoulder at your retreating figure first. Then you at his.