#july's been rough y'all

[lunacias]

but I swear, when I'm ready I'll fly us out of here

[anonymouspuzzler]

Haha Whoops Uh Oh! (UPDATED 6/11/23)

so this isn't the type of post I normally like to make, but! uh! hey! I just got ambushed by a HUGE tuition bill I wasn't expecting, and I'm out of options to pay it - they've already applied my scholarship and loans, I'm already working multiple jobs that are basically just barely paying for rent + groceries, and I only have enough on my credit card to pay for One of the three payments they're requiring, which only gets me through till July (with, again, no options that get me that amount of money by that time).

further full disclosure, this bill came at like, the worst possible time - they've given me four days to make at minimum the first payment (which, again, I can only do by maxing out my credit card), and on top of juggling multiple jobs I'm also in the middle of two classes, including one which involves upcoming travel (that is already paid for, thank god). Hence, me Scrambling a li'l bit!!

as such, I've set a new goal on my ko-fi!! it is, of course, HUGE, but genuinely any small amount people are able to contribute goes a huge way to giving me SOME way to pay it off. note that 3-coffee doodle requests are still A Thing, commissions are still a thing (if you have one active I'll be getting to them this & next week), and I'll be streaming wherever I can to pull together money that way - wherever it comes, any support is HUGE and I mean that.

UPDATE 6/11/23: I am updating the original post to remove the ko-fi link and yet you fine folks know: HOLY HECK, y'all managed to get my tuition dealt with. words truly cannot express my gratitude for that - I'm so, so, SO humbled and thankful for everyone who came out to get me out of a really rough situation.

in the slightest, smallest attempt to pay forward the kindness i've been shown, I'm gonna try and use this moment to direct y'alls attention to some other folks I know who could use some kindness! hardly comprehensive, in no particular order, just top-of-my-mind type type beat. (note that these are all folks' twitter handles - some of 'em are on tumblr too, but I figure best to direct you to where I know they are 100%!)

@/Pochiyaki is a friend & artist who's been trying to get out of a bad money situation a while, and could definitely use some love!

@/rudeboimonster is similarly a dear friend who's been struggling to find long-term work and housing, anything you got would help.

Or, considering supporting the work of a creative you love! A few I've been loving lately that I'd recommend:

@/cosmignon (Runaway Draikana webcoming, and other comics and illustration work)

@/SynthCharmVA (voicework & writing/show development)

@/Tonya_Song (music - including vocals, piano and composition - plus education and activism work)

@/jaypg_art (character design, visdev, and illustration)

@/littlegoodfrog (Matchmaker and other comics)

@/winonaparadise (Girls With Horns and other comics/illustration work)

@/derekmballard (comics, including the upcoming Cartoonshow graphic novel)

@/_PartyCoffin_ (Welcome Home, and just about every art form you can conceive of)

and of course, if you're not following & supporting my amazing partner @/hollowtones, who helped me through this tough situation in every possible way - well you ought to be!! a delight and talent in every imaginable way, and I'm only a little biased on that.

and above all else... THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH!!!!!!

[consanguinitatum]

DT talk throwback: my interview w/Steve Pang, writer/director/producer of SPACES

This post is the second in the series of posts I'm making to rescue my lost interviews with people who worked with David in his earlier years: you can find the first, with David Blair - the director of Takin' Over The Asylum - right here.

Over half a decade ago now I was a writer for David Tennant News/DT Forum, one of the bigger unofficial fan sites of DT's at the time (now sadly defunct). During my time there, I got the chance in July 2015 to interview Steve Pang - the writer/director/producer of SPACES, a short film David starred in back in 1993. I didn't want this interview to sink into the depths of the Wayback Machine and I thought y'all might enjoy reading it, so here is that interview in its entirety (and if you'd like to see it in its original form, click here.)

Screenshot of SPACES from Moving Image Archive / Steve Pang, Writer-Director-Producer (today, and in a 1993 interview)

--

Recently I was able to chat with Steve Pang, the writer, director and editor of SPACES. SPACES is a 1993 short film starring David Tennant as Vinny, a young man working a night shift in a car park in Edinburgh. The film depicts the characters Vinny meets over the course of the night: an older colleague with a troubled past, a bright young girl who uses the empty car park for her violin practice, and a young homeless boy.

Pang won a First Reels funding Award in 1993 from the Scottish Film Council and Scottish Television for the script he submitted for SPACES. First Reels was “a joint short film initiative from Scottish Screen (and its predecessor body the Scottish Film Council) and Scottish Television that was launched during 1991 by the Scottish Film Council in response to a perceived need for small grants to help young and first time film-makers to make or complete their first film or video project.”

Winning the award gave Pang the funds to make SPACES a reality. In the following years he decided to shift gears and move into film and television editing. He began in film as an assistant editor in the 1997 James Bond film Tomorrow Never Dies and on television in The Vicar of Dibley. Since then he has worked in various editing capacities on a lengthy list of projects including Wonka, Band of Brothers, The Da Vinci Code, Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King, The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, The 10th Kingdom, and Gravity.

How did you hear about the First Reels project? 

The scheme was announced whilst I was at Napier University in Edinburgh studying for my degree. As it was open to students, pretty much everyone on the course applied as it was a rare opportunity to get funding to make films.

It’s my understanding the First Reels project gave filmmakers grants to help them realize their projects, but that the projects didn’t have to be finished films to be submitted.  What stage in its development was SPACES at when you submitted it? Did the grant you won help you film and complete the work or had it already been completed in a rough form? 

As I recall I submitted a script and a supporting application form. Had we not won the grant, I think the film would have still gone ahead in some form but we would not have been able pay the cast or equipment suppliers – which would have undoubtedly had a detrimental effect on the film, in my opinion.

Was SPACES your first film? Take us through its development from idea to reality. How did you decide on it as your submission for First Reels?

It was probably my second or third short, but certainly the most ambitious (everything else before that was really more just fooling around and experimenting with a camera). The goal was to ‘keep things simple’ and come up with an idea that could be shot in one location with a small cast. I had worked part time in a 24hr car park in the past and my experiences in that job were the source material for the film.

SPACES is set in a car park and tells the story of one young man’s night shift. What were your inspirations for the story line?  he ending? Can you share a bit more about what you hoped people would take away from the film?

The short is essentially a dramatisation of a number of real life experiences I had working part time in a 24hr car park in Edinburgh. It sounds like a pretty mundane job, but I worked with some very interesting people and there were one or two unusual incidents. I thought collating everything into a single night would make an interesting short film. I’ve always found night time in cities really fascinating and I thought SPACES would be an original way of depicting that kind of atmosphere and mood. 

Screenshots from SPACES

Were the actors you chose initially the ones that actually appear in the film? How involved were you in choosing the talent, and how did the actors you chose come to your attention? 

We contacted a number of local actors agencies and as I recall the actors in the film were all our first choices for each role. At the time I had no idea who David was or that he was about to become a big star. Looking back, I think he was already making a name for himself as an up-and-coming actor within the industry but as a lowly, newbie film student I didn’t have that ‘inside knowledge’. All I knew was that he seemed remarkably in tune with the character I’d written and came across as incredibly natural in the first audition. The role was his immediately. It was only after the film was completed and submitted that I started hearing comments along the lines of ‘wow you had David Tennant in your short.’

Speaking of actors — David was very young when you worked with him (it’s listed as only his 4th credited role). Was there something that impressed you about this young unknown actor? What about the experience of working with him still stands out for you all these years later?

Working with him – from rehearsal to shoot – was great. We had a tiny budget, a cold, dark location, and it was a night shoot. In hindsight, given that we were a bunch of newbie students and he was about to break through as a major actor, I’m grateful that he was so tolerant of the unsociable hours, the unglamorous location and facilities we had!

I have information that SPACES was shown on television sometime in the latter half of 1993, when Scottish Television ran three half-hour documentaries showing excerpts of the winners from the First Reels. Do you recall if it was shown, and if so, how did you feel seeing your film broadcast?

An excerpt was shown yes, along with a short interview with me. I remember being wracked with nerves on the night of the broadcast and kind of being in shock afterwards. It was probably only a couple of minutes of screen time in total.

Do you have any interesting behind-the-scenes sorts of recollections about working on the short?

I remember our equipment causing a short circuit at the location that required us to completely re-order the schedule. And I think our catering consisted of soup and bread for everyone. It was all very basic.

How do you think working on First Reels influenced you in developing your career?

It was an invaluable boost and a great learning experience. Who knows what would have happened had I not received that grant.

For Further Reference:

View Mr. Pang’s IMDb or his extensive CV.

Synopsis from entry on SPACES from the full film record at the Scottish Screen Archive.

A copy of SPACES is held at the Moving Image Archive and can be viewed at the National Library of Scotland. Private and research viewing only.

--

And that's that! I hope you all enjoyed this unique insight into SPACES and DT's work with Steve Pang!

[duggardata]

Not The Pregnancy Announcement You Were Expecting!

Hey, guys! You might have noticed I've been very quiet lately. Well, there's a reason for that... I, Duggar Data, am pregnant! I'm due in Late July. (My typical rule would call for me to set an Approximate Due Date [ADD] of July 27th, based on "Late July.") This will be my first baby.

It I were Predictor Person–typical, I'd deliver 1 Day Early on July 26, 2023. Obviously, I'm not in a Predictor Family. But, if I was... With this being Baby #1, here's the Wedding Date that would correspond with a July 26, 2023 DOB for the following Predictor Families—

Bates September 9, 2022

Duggar July 29, 2022

Keller July 8, 2022

Morton August 5, 2022

Rodrigues August 12, 2022

Wissmann March 25, 2022

My 1st Trimester was pretty rough! I'm reaching the end of that now, and I'm starting to feel a bit better! Baby Data is doing well.

I'm not sure when or if I'll return to regular posting, but I wanted to at least let y'all know where I've been for the last few months!

[elvisabutler]

me at all of y'all in this little fandom of ours. just slapping the butt. that's it that's my anniversary post. xoxo see y'all next year. for real, enjoy my full post behind the cut.

okay all seriousness y'all, i didn't see the movie opening day, i would have but i have a toddler and all that jazz. what i did do is see it a bit after? maybe a week. and then right after july fourth i made this sideblog to post a fic that was supposed to be a fix it fic for the movie/elvis's life. i remember saying man i don't trust my brain to let me write fic because last time i did any creative writing ( it was rp but it counts, because that's how i'm good at dialogue ) was back in 2016. nothing could have prepared me for the whirlwind that's been this fandom and how it's ignited my creative drive and my brain to be quite honest. i've had some times when there's been a hiccup or two for me in here but for the most part, truly this is one of the best fandoms i've ever been in and it shows in just how much i've been able to write.

i've met some fantastic friends (shout out to my discord wives @butlersxbirdy, @ab4eva, and @precious-little-scoundrel and my in general bestest besties who i try and talk to every day who get their own nicknames that mama is too tired to write out @powerofelvis, @prompted-wordsmith, @blurredcolour, @eliseinmemphis, and @stylespresleyhearted and someone else who knows who she is.) never going to stop being so thankful to @floralcyanide for making the efc even if it died down the way it did. and to @missmaywemeetagain for pink scarf but being a great person to talk to and go HOW DARE U at and @thatbanditqueen for getting my distaste for transatlantic accents and to @be-my-ally for somehow being weirdly on the nose with your guesses/feelings on things. and i'd tag so many other people but i don't want to clog up everyone's notifs.

honesty this movie kind of changed my life. it's given me something to hold on to when things have gotten rough and it's joined the very few movies i hold dear that can instantly give me a pick me up. i've been reminded of how delightful elvis's music is and i've gotten to hear music from him i've never heard. it's- it's been a blessing and one i do really gotta thank everyone for.

just thank y'all and i hope we're all still around for year two or even if we splinter off even more i hope we at least come back together every year. our own little elvis week to add to his birthday week and graceland's elvis week.

[moontale-official]

IVIS (from the UNDERTALE AU MOONTALE) - PART 26 (pages 113-117)

READ CHAPTERS 1-3 OF THE FANFIC ON AO3 - CHAPTER 4 COMING SOON.

START

PREV

NEXT

Hohh boy. Not gonna lie to y'all, it's been rough.

I completed a lot of the art back in last year, and then I got pains in my drawing wrist and I had to rest it for a while, which caused delay. I went back to it after my wrist healed and was almost complete in December, but then I had a major life bump that essentially halted all progress on this update (alongside the decision to convert the story into an Ao3 fic, which has been such a relief on my workload).

So apologies if the quality in this update is inconsistent or rough around the edges compared to past updates. The next update (and what I'm assuming will be the final update that'll wrap up the scene and this comic) won't rely on the heavy rendering that so often takes a toll on my wrist. Because I've been so busy, I'll try to get that done in July.

[mermaidsirennikita]

I read your review of Earls Trip and was wondering if you had any other recs please where the heroine is not a virgin but has not had good sex? Thanks!

For suuuuure!

Contemporary:

The Next Best Fling by Gabriella Gamez isn't out until July but I'd highly recommend a pre-order because the heroine has never been given what she needs in the bedroom. Fortunately, the brother of the guy she thinks she's in love with DELIVERS.

Act Your Age by Eve Dangerfield. The heroine hasn't had the worst sex ever in the past, but she's very unfulfilled because she feels like she can't really indulge her kink (daddy stuff specifically) due to a fear of rejection? So it's a next level thing when she hooks up with the hero, who's totally compatible with her on that level. (It matters!!!)

Historical:

lmao like most widow books tbh

Scandalous Desires by Elizabeth Hoyt. Silence's sexual relationship with her husband was mid to poor and she doesn't even know what getting eaten out is until she gets turned out by a slutty pirate (as one does).

Joss and The Countess by S.M. LaViolette. Like, the big thing in this book is that all of Alicia's encounters in her marriages were either mid or awful (TW for past abuse) and after her second husband dies she starts trolling London for a good lay. With her bodyguard, Joss--who is actually a former sex worker and the D E F I N I T I O N of a great lay. And he knows that she what she actually needs is some rough attention, as they'd say, so he basically gets fed up one night and is like "THIS IS RIDICULOUS I'M TAKING OVER". I actually really liked that a lot of the issue was indeed Alicia sleeping with shitty men, but another part of the issue (because I believe her first husband was nice) is that she just... wasn't compatible with people who weren't going to rough her up. Someone being nice isn't enough for the sex to be good, y'all do need to be sexually compatible, 'tis a fact of life.

A Lady Awakened by Cecilia Grant. The heroine's sex life with her husband was so mid (both because he was boring at best and because of her own hangups) that she just lays there like a corpse after telling the hero to knock her up for plot reasons. It takes a while for her to actually engage and learn how to enjoy it.

The Duchess in His Bed by Lorraine Heath. Another one where the heroine is trying to get a dude to knock her up after her husband dies for heir reasons! The husband in this case really wasn't bad, but the fires, they were not a-lightin'. And then she ends up tangling with an incredibly slutty Trewlove hero, always a good move.

Waking Up with the Duke by Lorraine Heath. Jayne's sex life with her husband before he became impotent doesn't sound baaaaad per se, but definitely not exciting and NOTHING close to what she experiences with Ainsley. Also, I wanna call out that it is actually really shitty that her husband didn't even try to be romantic with her after the accident that rendered him impotent. Like yeah, your sex life may not be the SAME after that, but it can EXIST, and while what happened to him was horrible, closing the door on a romantic relationship with a spouse who loved him and couldn't leave was just such an asshole move. (CLIFFORD CHATTERLEY.)

The Many Sins of Lord Cameron by Jennifer Ashley. Lmao actually the heroine is named Ainsley in this one. Anyway, I think her sexual encounters were mid at best, she's a widow, she had this one incredibly charged makeout with Cameron while her husband was alive but it didn't go any further... And now she's getting, shall we say, wrung the fuck out.

For My Lady's Heart by Laura Kinsale. Melanthe is in general one of those ice queen heroines where you get the sense that she thinks it's kinda not possible for her to super connect with someone in that way...? Her husband was actually very kind and she did love him, but it wasn't a romantic love situation--almost more daughterly, which is uh, messed up, as he did get her pregnant once so there was a sexual relationship. Yikes! Anyway, her deal with Ruck is much softer and sweeter and what she deserves.

Pippa and The Prince of Secrets by Grace Callaway. FUCK DUDE THIS SHIT. The heroine's husband wooed her and then totally fucked it up during the marriage, such a tool. And so much of this book is about her discovering herself emotionally and sexually with the hero, who was her first kiss when they were kids and is now scarred and ashamed of himself but also deeply capable of throwing it the fuck down. I need to reread this. God.

The Viper and The Recruit by Monica McCarty both star widowed heroines whose husbands frankly were dicks, and they both end up with men (in The Viper he's a grouchy asshole who hates women because of his mean wife which is difficult to sell but it works here, and in The Recruit he's a Hapless Slut who really bit off more than he could chew lol) who actually fuck ridiculous, very happy for them.

The Raven Prince by Elizabeth Hoyt has a widow whose husband actually, I think, got another lady pregnant while he was married to her. Nice! Anyway, she's fully unaware of what good sex is but she does know sex and desire and stuff, which is why it is extra difficult when she starts developing a lust for her ugly (HIDEOUS! HE HAS POCKMARKS!) boss.

Any Duchess Will Do by Tessa Dare has a normal, unwidowed shopgirl heroine who is pretty blunt with the hero about being experienced, but it's all been pretty mid.

Duke of Sin by Elizabeth Hoyt has a non-virgin heroine who like... they don't get into it, but I definitely got the sense that she'd only had mid sex. It's honestly very funny because after they fuck for the first time he's like (and he is CRAZY) "huh. you weren't a virgin I guess" and she's like "is that an issue...?" and he's all "oh no I mean if it was non-consensual I'll just have to go kill the dude but if it was consensual I guess I was just surprised anyway on to my evil schemes"

The Perfect Crimes of Marian Hayes by Cat Sebastian is a perfect example. Widowed heroine (who becomes a widow.... very interestingly) whose relationship with her husband was AWFUL. What's cool about her sex life with the hero is that she's basically like "I don't like penetrative sex and I can't get pregnant again ever because I cannot stand it", and he's like "ok cool then" and they have sex in other ways. It's great.

Heartbreaker by Sarah MacLean. I believe Adelaide has had sex before but mentions it being mid, and the Duke of Clayborn's ability to satisfy her praise kink is a game changer lol

The Marquess Makes His Move by Diana Quincy. The heroine is actually married when she meets the hero, and her husband is this shitty motherfucker who has her make these maps, and then HE takes credit for the maps. Anyway, the sex is understandably bleh. THANK GOD FOR THE HERO WHO'S DISGUISED AS A FOOTMAN TO TAKE HIS REVENGE ON HER HUSBAND.

Between the Devil and Desire by Lorraine Heath. Olivia's relationship with her husband wasn't abusive, but it was distant and the sex was basically there to produce an heir and didn't happen after she did. So her entire relationship with Jack Dodger is her suddenly discovering what being horny is like. Which happens immediately after she meets him, much to her chagrin. Like I can't get over how the opening pages in her POV are like "FUCK. SHIT. FUCK." looking at him. She's all "this BEASTLY man" while squirming in her chair

Then Came You by Lisa Kleypas has Lily, who was seduced by this charlatan type. But it was not all he made it out to be, sexually speaking. Enter Alex, with whom she has a SIZZLING tension even though they totally hate each other for sure! This book is what people thought Kanthony was, I'm gonna be real real.

A Scot in the Dark by Sarah MacLean. The heroine is not a widow, but she slept with an artist who again is not all he said he was, which does lead to her having to steal back a nude painting he did of her with the help of her guardian, a Big Scottish Man.

[jasper-book-stash]

January 2024 Reading Wrap Up

As y'all know, I started this blog anew to record my thoughts on some books I read. Unfortunately, I have a bad habit of reading a lot more books than the average human should, and they knock each other out of my noggin. This is why I maintain a color-coded spreadsheet with columns to keep track of things. I also took on a winter reading challenge, and I've read most of the 17 books I was looking to read. With that said, let's see where things landed this month!

Religious Text

None applicable.

1/10 - Why Did They Publish This?

None applicable (thank the gods).

2/10 - Trash

Creating Magickal Entities: A Complete Guide to Entity Creation | David Michael Cunningham, Taylor Ellwood, T Amanda R Wagener

This one was...rough. Painful, even. This made me retroactively rate the other occult books I read higher just to cope.

3/10 - Meh

Heartbreaker | Julie Garwood [reading challenge]

I was hoping this one would be fun, considering the author is from Missouri and the summary seemed promising, but the main male character (not the antagonist) came across as a creep the whole time. I hated him very much.

4 to 6/10 - Mid-Tier

Sigil Magic for Writers, Artists, & Other Creatives | T Thorn Coyle [reading challenge]

With all due respect to Mx. T Thorn Coyle…this book sucked. It originated as a zine and tbh it should have stayed that way. There was a lot of fluff to get the page count up that could honestly have been removed (and should have been). I didn’t feel like I came away from this one learning anything new about sigils or how to incorporate them or my writing into my craft.

The Whittiers | Danielle Steel [reading challenge]

Unlike my surprisingly good experiences reading The Wedding Planner, The Whittiers was a sludge to get through. It was a bit annoying to hear Danielle Steel talk so much about how the characters weren't rich when they were clearly living a rather rich lifestyle without much financial problems in the beginning, and I eventually gave up on the book. The characters just...weren't too compelling to trudge through the repetition for.

The Stranger Upstairs | Lisa M Matlin

YOU. This book took a bit too long to get to the point (the plot), but at least part 2 was absolutely riveting and the epilogue was intriguing. I honestly think None Of This Is True by Lisa Jewell did this better, even though The Stranger Upstairs is more about a house than a person. Just...read None Of This Is True instead. Trust me.

Liber Null and Psychonaut | Liber Kaos | Peter J Carroll

Part of what I'm doing is research into chaos magic, starting with its foundational texts. And boy howdy, is this a severely middling book to me. Pointlessly obtuse, refuses to get to the point, spends too long sucking Aleister Crowley's dick... But utterly fascinating from a retrospective point of view, seeing what chaos magic looks like now.

7 to 8/10 - Good With Caveats

Dracula | Bram Stoker [reading challenge]

I'm going to beat Bram Stoker with a broom. Good with the caveat that you have to read it with the context of it being a product of its time. Also, post-vampire Lucy Westenra can GET SOME.

Strawberry Shortcake Murder | Joanne Fluke [reading challenge]

I "read" this one in audiobook form, thanks to my library having a Playaway of it. This one…aged a little poorly in some aspects. I might skip into more modern entries to the series rather than trudge through the older stuff to get there.

The Leftover Woman | Jean Kwok [reading challenge]

This one was a fucking TRIP. This book was full of twists and turns and physically pained me at points. It absolutely fucked me up and I was crying by the end, so I was lucky that no one came into work while I was reading it. I can't say much about it for fear of spoiling it, other than that it delivered upon what it promised.

The Midnight Library | Matt Haig [reading challenge]

This did NOT help with the crying! This book also fucked me up! It’s absolutely wild from the get-go. Content warning for animal death early on, though, because that did not help my anxious ass.

Marrying the Ketchups | Jennifer Close [reading challenge]

With all of the things this book was juggling, it ended exactly how it needed to.

Spells for Change: A Guide for Modern Witches | Frankie Castanea/Chaotic Witch Aunt

I was expecting something entirely different from this book.

Condensed Chaos: An Introduction to Chaos Magic | Phil Hine

Exactly what it says on the tin.

Magickal Servitors: Create Your Own Spirits to Attract Pleasure, Power and Prosperity | Damon Brand

Far more effective and to-the-point than Creating Magickal Entities was, but still far from perfect.

9/10 - Very Very Good

The Puppets of Spelhorst | Kate DiCamillo [reading challenge]

This book is one I've been meaning to read since the library got it in. It's an adorable story with great illustrations and plenty of drama for the 8- to 12-year-old in your life. Or for you, if you want a touching low-stakes story with an open ending.

Dog Man: Twenty Thousand Fleas Under The Sea | Dav Pilkey [reading challenge]

From the guy who brought us Captain Underpants comes an adorable graphic novel about…honestly a lot happening, there was a lot. Luckily, even though it’s late in the series, there’s enough context provided that you can get a good grasp of the characters. Doesn’t have much to do with Jules Verne’s Twenty Thousand Leagues Under the Sea, though, so I’m deducting a point for that. I read Jules Verne's work and there was nothing about a dog-headed cop in there, nor a cat man who used to be a criminal and is having the worst redemption arc of his life.

Honestly, it was still fun.

Practical Gods | Carl Dennis [reading challenge]

Read for both my reading challenge AND my book club's Pulitzer Prize prompt, this is such a lovely collection of poems and really gets into the crossing of religious belief with modern problems. How does it do this as a book of poetry? I’m not sure! But it did! Definitely worth the multiple prizes it has won. I ordered my own personal copy and I'm waiting for it to arrive.

Gods of Jade and Shadow | Silvia Moreno-Garcia [reading challenge]

I AM GOING TO EAT THIS BOOK BECAUSE I LOVE IT SO MUCH. We love a book in which the main character dies but that's not the end of their story!

Warrior Magic: Justice Spirituality and Culture from Around the World | Tomas Prower

I did a little write-up of this one.

Give-A-Damn-Jones | Bill Pronzini [reading challenge]

This one was great because the titular character respects women and protects minorities and keeps getting into situations. We love a guy who doesn't want to be here! This was the first Western I've read, and I think it was a good pick.

10/10 - Unironically Recommend To Everyone

Well, everyone who's into the genre these fall under, at least.

Sappho: A New Translation | Mary Barnard

I was so worried that this translation would...well, straightwash Sappho, but from what I see, Mary is dedicated to translating them as close to intentional meaning as possible, including Sappho's bisexuality. Hell yeah.

Welsh Witchcraft: A Guide to the Spirits, Lore, and Magic of Wales | Mhara Starling

This is an in-depth look into a Welsh witch's practice. It's delightful to read someone talk about their own craft, and you can really tell that Mhara loves the place she lives in.

Exodus 20:3: A Monster Romance | Freydis Moon

We love a gay angelfucker romance between a trans man and an angel, complete with smut. Honestly, a great time.

The Salt Grows Heavy | Cassandra Khaw

Do you want the mermaid from The Little Mermaid fairy tale to murder people? Do you want a nonbinary plague doctor? Do you want to hear about murderous child cannibals and freakish surgeons? Do you want your protagonist to McFucking Snap? Do you want a happy ending in the weirdest way possible in this setting? Read The Salt Grows Heavy! A mere 112 pages that will fuck you up while you're trying to poop in peace!

[ashton-slashton]

Hey guys uhhh I need a little help

So we're moving out this Saturday! It's a good thing, a major change that my partner and I both need. Our current 314ft² apartment has been miserable since day 1, we've been here a year and it's been mentally and physically exhausting dealing with all the issues here.

We got an 840ft² apartment, it's in a nicer, quieter area, it's downstairs (important for my partner and I, as we're physically disabled), and just an all around better situation.

Money is tight though! Rent is completely covered, no worries there, and I'm transferring to another store in my town where the hours will be better (and still looking for full time remote jobs). But I don't get paid until next week (July 20), and I need money for the $12.50 insurance fee for the apartment. We also need toilet paper, and I'm out of the antacids that make it possible for me to function without the pain of intense reflux. They're like $11.95 thereabouts at WalMart. I'd also like to be able to get some bottled water for the move, since we live in Texas and the move-in date is gonna be 100°F.

I just need $35 thereabouts. I don't have a lot of time or spoons to do commissions right now, but once we're in the new place, I might be able to create more.

Thank y'all for your patience with me over the last year, by the way. It's been rough. Love y'all!

v/en/mo: @ashton-slashton

p/ay/p/al: @ohdebtrishaw

(If you need a link, DM me. I don't want my deadname circulating.)

[snowangeldotmp3]

here's a scene from spider-nance since i still need to write the full thing but i am too preoccupied with haunted hawkins right now. this is still a very rough draft (as i've not even finished this scene/chapter lmao) but this scene has been hidden in my wips folder since...july? so, hope y'all enjoy!

word count: 1.4k

Robin wakes up to a sharp thud followed by the turning click of her window lock. She sits up, squinting into the darkness, scanning her room for the intruder. She reaches for the nearest item she could use as a weapon—Don Quixote suffices—and flicks the lamp on.

In the dim lighting of her room, her eyes land on a red and blue webbed spandex outfit, clutching the side of their ribs. Looking them over now, she sees the torn fabric along with matching gashes and cuts across their arms and torso. The figure is still for a moment. Robin thinks that this person is as stunned as she is.

Spider-Woman is here. Standing. In my room.

“Oh…my god. Oh my god. What are you—“ She scrambles closer to the masked crusader, who, she notices, is wheezing out breaths.

“Are you…do you need to go to the hospital?” She asks. The Spider-Woman’s head twists and immediately hisses at the movement.

“No,” she grunts, “no hospitals.”

Robin blinks at her, the blood still seeping through the blue fabric of the suit. “Okay, no hospitals. Here, uh,” Robin snakes her arm around the girl’s waist, helping her to the foot of Robin’s bed, “Sit here. I’ll be right back.”

Robin’s brain works on autopilot. Dismissing the fact that Spider-Woman is here, and instead making a mental list of medical supplies she’ll need. She wonders, briefly, if she needs to go wake Steve, forcing him to help bandage the hero up. What would she say though? Hey, Steve, I need you to wake up. I have a superhero in my room that needs to be bandaged up, now.

She sprints to the bathroom—too far in her opinion, for the current situation—digging around the medicine cabinet for gauze, bandages, antiseptic, anything and everything she might need and can realistically carry back in one trip.

She realizes, on her way back, that she’s not too sure how she’ll be able to check for a concussion, or actual, visible, facial wounds. She’ll have to peek under the mask to do that, and even though everyone—including herself—would like to know who she is, she can’t help but feel like this would be a betrayal of trust somehow. Though, she guesses, taking her to a hospital where there are tons of possible betrayals waiting to happen. This must be less of a risk, even if it is some random stranger.

When she returns, the Spider-Woman is still clutching the side of her rib, bloody torso be damned, taking slow, deliberate breaths. Robin can handle the cuts and scrapes, but she’s never dealt with anything more than that. She throws the bandages down on the floor, feeling the wide eyes of mask follow her as she works at her makeshift station on the floor.

“So, I got everything I could, I don’t know how badly you’re banged up, but—“

Spider-Woman interrupts her. Not with words, instead, the hand that’s not holding her ribs reaches up, fiddling with the neck of the suit. Robin realizes a second too late that she’s trying to take the mask off.

“Woah, woah, woah,” She stands, grabbing the girl’s shaking hand. Whether it shakes from fear or the sheer pain of her situation, Robin doesn’t know.

“You don’t have to do that,” She adds, “I get the mask is like, protecting your identity and all, so—“

Robin is once again interrupted by the shaking hand of the Spider-Woman, and surprisingly, she speaks, rather than grunts out words.

“No,” she starts, hissing as she lets go of her ribs, moving both hands up her neck, “I want to do this.” Robin blinks at her again, taking a step back as to give her some sort of emotional space. She’s never been privy to a hero reveal before, so she’s not sure how much space one needs emotionally to get through this. Robin notes how intimate it feels, trusting an absolute stranger with your entire identity, trusting them not to sell you out to the cops or to higher government officials. Not that Robin would ever sell her out, and especially not to the Hawkins Police Department. They work a little too closely with the Hawkins Lab, and if Robin tells the cops, they’ll tell the lab. (Robin’s never particularly trusted that lab, if she’s totally honest.)

What if it’s someone she doesn’t like? What if it’s someone who’s made Robin’s life a living hell? Suddenly the idea of the mask brings more comfort to Robin, and she’s not the one who’s risking her life almost every night.

The red webbed gloves peel the back of the mask off first, giving Robin a glimpse of brunette curls falling out. The first person that enters her mind makes her stomach lurch. She’s sure now that she doesn’t want the rest of that mask come off.

The girl peels the rest of the mask off with a soft pop and Robin feels the bile rise in her throat. Her brunette curls are matted, sticking to her face, covered in blood. Her face is adorned in cuts and bruises, a prominent bruise on her left eye, a cut above her brow, and a larger cut on her right cheek. Her lip is split, and blood still drips from the wound. Her heart shaped face is mangled, her jaw clenches and unclenches, holding back the unshed tears in her eyes.

Robin stares, unblinking, unbelieving. “…Nance?”

Nancy smiles at her, tight and watery. “Hey, Robin.”

Robin doesn’t know how to react. Instead, she smiles softly at Nancy. How long has she been doing this alone?

“We’re gonna need more than these bandages. Let’s get you cleaned up, Nance.” Before she knows it, Robin’s hands move of their own accord, snaking back around Nancy’s waist, lifting her up and leading her to the too far bathroom down the hall. She gently sits Nancy down on the edge of the tub, and quickly works on grabbing more bandages from the cabinet and wetting a clean rag.

Robin steps closer to her, rag in hand, tilting Nancy’s head up as she begins to clean the wounds on her face.

“Nancy…what happened?”

Nancy looks through her, no longer clenching her jaw and instead fighting the trembling frown as tears flow freely down her wounded face. She clings to Robin, hands fisted in the soft fabric. Robin holds her, letting her cry, carding her hands through Nancy’s dirtied curls.

(She pushes the urge to press a soft kiss to those curls deep down within her.)

She doesn’t know how long they stay like that. Minutes, hours, it feels like forever. Robin tries to wrap her mind around Nancy’s confession. Nancy, who didn’t even know Robin, who thought she was dating Steve, misplacing her anger on Robin. Nancy who sat next to her in AP Lit, reputation as “the Priss” preceding her, carrying a certain air about her, never once sparing a second glance towards Robin.

Nancy, who Robin had seen in that one AP Lit class, looking like she would pass out, offering her help, to which Nancy refused. Nancy, who snorted at one of Robin’s jokes, trying to conceal her smile as Robin beamed at her. Nancy, who wants to hang out with Robin, declaring that they were friends. Nancy, who’s quickly wormed her way into Robin’s heart, making it a home for herself.

Nancy, who dons this stupid suit and puts her life at risk all most every night. Who stumbled into Robin’s room, nearly torn apart, all because she didn’t want to go to the hospital. Nancy, who is the Spider-Woman.

Nancy, who’s sitting here, bruised, battered and broken, sobbing into Robin’s shirt.

They stay like that a moment longer, long enough for Nancy’s breathing to even out. She takes a deep, shuddering breath, wincing as she does so. She pushes herself off of Robin, and from what Robin can tell, the movement alone is a herculean task. 

“Surprise?” Nancy wheezes. Robin doesn’t know how to answer. She wants to be angry, furious, even. She can’t be though, at least, not right now. That doesn’t stop her the next sentence that falls from her mouth.

“Who else knows?” Robin asks, gently wiping the blood from Nancy’s face. Nancy does her best to avoid Robin’s gaze.

“Steve. Mike and his friends. You, now,” Nancy mumbles as Robin places a bandage across Nancy’s cheek...

[romanarose]

Sunshine, Starlight, Sweetheart, Brightside: Chapter 30

Steven Grant x OC X Marc Spector

Story Masterlist

Pervious part : Next part

Fic Summary: Steven meets Sam and they strike up a quick relationship, both kindhearted and loving, they fall fast. But both have a lot going on. Steven had Marc and Moon Knight, and Sam has mental health problems of her own. Slowly, Steven starts to put together pieces of her story as Sam starts to get to know Marc and Jake.

Chapter summer: Sam goes missing, the boys find her in a position they had been worried about for a long time.

WARNINGS!!!!! Warnings are gonna have a lot of spoilers so skipa head if you dont want spoilers!!! Drinking, smoking, refernces to sex, but most importantly, hhuuuuuugggeeeee warning for suicidal ideation and a suicide attempt. It like..... it's really rough, y'all. But ngl i think I kinda popped off on it this. Like. I went hard. Might be some of my best work. Anyway, mind the warnings.

How many song references can you catch? Idk why I put so many in this one.

************

"Well, I woke up to the sound of silence and cries were cutting like knives in a fist fight

And I found you with a bottle of wine, your head in the curtains and heart like the Fourth of July

You swore and said “we are not

We are not shining stars” this I know, I never said we are

Though I've never been through Hell like that

I've closed enough windows to know you can never look back”

~Carry on, fun.

Where’s Sam?

“I don’t know, I woke up and she was gone. Sam?” Jake called out her name, hoping he just didn’t see her

Steven took the body, standing up and going to the kitchen.

Her cigarettes aren’t on the counter

Maybe she’s smoking?

At 3 AM?

Steven ran down the stairwell, not patient enough to wait for the elevator Pick up pick up pick up Steven mumbled, calling Sam’s phone again and again. When they reached the bottom of the stairs and out the door, the area where Sam usually smoked outside the building was empty and she wasn’t answering his calls.

Call Jessica and Elena, see if they know

Elena didn’t pick up, probably passed out drunk on this warmer Friday night. Jessica answered, despite the time, but she didn’t know where she was. This only succeeded in worrying Jessica, who insisted on going out and looking for her. Steven refused, saying having Jessica wandering the streets of London would only serve to distract Steven. He promised to text when he found her. 

This is your fucking fault, Jake, fuck you

A pause, as Jake Lockley was uncharacteristically quiet, processing the words. Excuse me?

So you can manage to keep working for Khonshu, being his stupid fucking fist of vengence, but you waited until after Jordan attacked, cut, beat and molested her to kill him?

Marc, that’s not fair but no one was listening to him

I told her before, I would’ve done it if I hadn’t thought it would get you in trouble with her

And after we found out about you? You don’t do it then?

Marc, she didn’t want you guys to kill him, she made that clear

Well she doesn’t always know what’s best for herself

Jesus c h r i s t Marc she’s 25, she’s not a fucking child.

Answer me, Jake

You don’t want to do this

Fucking answer me

I tried, okay? I tried to find him and I couldn’t.

You didn’t think to ask Khonshu?

A long pause

Marc, just leave it alone

Maybe you should listen to him, Marc

Answer me!

Fine, Khonshu was pissed because I couldn’t take the body hardly at all anymore, so he refused to give me any information

Another long pause

What?

Yeah.

So, the reason Jordan hurt her…

Marc don’t do this.

Is because I refused to share the body with you?

Stop! stop feeling so bloody guilty about everything all the goddamn time! I can’t fucking take it!

It’s my fault this happened, and it’s my fault she’s gone!

Can we focus on finding her first? Then deal with this?

A voice Steven knew all too well, but hadn’t heard in nearly a year rang through.

Look up, little bug

Steven did as he was told, not questioning why Khonshu decided to appear at this time, but thankful for him, for once. When his eyeline found the rooftop, he felt the wind get knocked out of him as he saw a single leg dangling over and a body laid out on the top.

Sam

If Jake and Marc were arguing still, he couldn’t hear them through the thrumb of blood rushing through his head. There were no thoughts, just Get to the roof.

He carefully opened the door to the rooftop access, not wanting to startle her.

She was laying out on the wall, a cigarette in one hand, a bottle of wine in the other. She didn’t even look as he tentatively stepped towards her. There was a half empty bottle of vodka on the ground.

“Should’ve known you’d come here. Can’t get shit past you three.” Her voice was derisive as she looked up at the sky.

Steven spoke carefully, trying impossibly hard to hide the anxiety threatening to boil over and scream like a kettle of water ready for tea. “What are you doing up here, sweetheart?” He spoke as casually as if he found her in the kitchen after bed. 

“Deciding whether or not to jump.” Was her blatant answer.

Jesus Christ. Jake’s normally steady voice breathed out with a shake.

Grab her, Steven. Steven, get her away from there.

Be careful, don’t scare her

Steven took a tentative step forward. “Can you maybe step away from the ledge, darling? Maybe we can talk about this?

“Wish you would step back from the ledge my friend” Sam sang to herself. She was drunk.

“Can we… maybe we can go for a walk, take a breath?” He coaxed with a few more steps, so close to her.

She held out a hand. “Stop, or I swear to god I’ll roll over.”

Steven froze. Get. Her. Away. Marc insisted. “You don’t have to do that, can you tell me what’s-”

“Stoooooooop” she groaned out. “Stop trying to fix things, stop trying to talk about things. Sometimes shit just SUCKS, Steven.” Her words were sluring together as she took another swig of the wine.

He nodded slowly, hands up, open palmed. “Okay, right then, shit just sucks. It can suck away from the ledge, yeah? We can suck together”

Finally, Sam turned to look at him. “It’s never going to suck together, Steven. Three of you can try, but you’ll never get it. And y’all got yer own things I’ll never understand either. But you will never understand how this feels. You will never know what it feels like to have your body repeatedly violated for what feels like hours, for it to end, only for him to show up a decade later and violate you again.” She paused, face twitching back tears. “I’m going to sit up now, don’t move. I’m not jumping, but I will if you try to touch me” She warned.

Steven had to physically stop Marc from taking the body as he watched Sam sling her other leg over the edge as she faced the city. He noticed her shoulders were shaking. “I know that… that I can’t understand what you’ve been through, or what Marc and Jake have, for that matter. But I love you, I love you and I need you here with me. Nothing will happen to you again, no one will-”

“That’s what you said last time” She spoke, almost sing-songy.

Steven shut his eyes tight, wishing Marc hadn’t heard that. “I know, love, I know. Maybe that’s not a fair promise to make. And I’m sorry.” He opened them again, forcing himself too, just to make sure she was still there. “And I’m sorry, I am so sorry I wasn’t there, that I couldn’t-

“Doooooon’t” She drawled out, waving her hand. “I know you guys -oof- all feel guilty, especially Marc. Fucker feels guilty for everything, jesus christ…” She muttered off, losing her train of thought. “It’s not any of your fault. None of this.” She glanced back at Steven. “Make sure Marc knows that.” She turned back, distracted by the stars in the sky. Starlight…

“You can tell him, because you aren't going to jump” Steven shook his head as if he were willing it to happen, willing her to safety. “Just let me help-”

“You can’t help, Steven!” She raised her hands, wine flying out of the bottle she was fisting. “That’s the thing!” Sam set the bottle down and lit another cigarette, glancing at him over her shoulder and raising an eyebrow. “There is no help. You can’t just fix this.” She shook her head, looking back again.

“Maybe…” Steven took a silent step forward while her back was turned. She was wobbly, the effects of nearly an entire bottle of wine and some vodka getting to her. He didn’t like how she teetered around the edge. “Maybe there isn’t a way for me to fix you, but maybe we can be broken together?”

She shook her head. She felt like Inspector Javert in Les Mis, trailing the edge of the bridge, debating whether or not it was worth it to keep going. “You all deserve better than me, and I’m too selfish to leave… I don’t know what other options there are.” Sam glanced at the street, so far below her, and shuttered, leaning back again. Javert has his life saved by ValJean, and still decided to throw it all away rather than be wrong. Sam couldn’t help but feel his suicide a bit foolish, comparatively.

Marc took the body. “There is no better than you, Brightside. You’re all I want, you’re all I need, you’re everything…” He tried, for the sake of keeping calm, not to cry. Marc Spector didn’t cry, not hardly ever. But when he was so close to losing her…

Sam scoffed. “There is so much better than me.”

Jake saw it before any of the others, the teeter that went too far. Whether it was intentional and she was jumping, or the alcohol had taken its toll, it didn’t matter. Jake lunged for her, wrapping an arm around her waist, and another as she tried to break free and push herself off. That was intentional. “STOP!” She screamed as they collapsed backwards on the floor of the roof, Sam fighting and screaming to get out of their grasp as Marc took the body. “LET GO!” Sam was in hysterics, no longer fighting to live, but fighting to die. “IF YOU LOVE ME, LET ME GO!” She shrieked at the top of her lungs, begging him to give up, let her go, let her die. But Marc never would.

Eyed pinched closed as his heart shattered for Sam, he wrapped her up the way he had done so many times before, only this time he hooked his legs around hers and grabbed her hands, his significantly stronger body keeping her in place. He didn’t like this, he didn’t like trapping her or holding her against her will, but he couldn’t let go, not when he had almost seen her push herself off the roof. She continued fighted even as she ran out of ‘let me go please, let me go’ was her unholy repetition, one that Marc will surely hear in his nightmares from then on. But as long as she was there, as long as he could hold her hand when he woke up at night the way she held his, he’d be okay.

He squeezed her hands. Left, Right, left, right, until she started to calm down. Marc felt her chest starting to heave.

“Are you going to throw up?” He asked.

“Why…” she panted, suddenly very, very, tired. “Why would I throw up?” She asked with a condescending air despite the obvious signs. 

“Oh, I don’t know, maybe it’s because that’s what you always do when you panic?” He said sardonically, his voice laced with sarcasm. “Or maybe, because of the vodka you were drinking straight?” 

“Oh fuck” She mumbled.

Marc moved quickly, getting her up on her knees and trying to keep her short hair back. Unlike previous times where he simply made a make-shift ponytail, this time he had to practically make a headband with both hands to stop her short, layered hair from falling in her face. Her body shook with violent heaves as Sam threw up her half-digested dinner. Vegan burritos that Steven made. Her favorite. She might never eat one again.

When she seemed done, Marc pulled her back, arm coming back to her waist as he rested against the generator. There they sat in a long silence, Marc’s usual position returned. His hold on her was no longer desperate and fearful, his legs no longer keeping her in place. Sam rested her head against Marc’s chest as she curled up in his arms. Marc started first. “I’m sorry” Came the apology. Sam knew he would do that eventually, about something.

She groaned. “What for.”

“For last night.” He said as if it was obvious.

Sam laughed dryly, borderline mocking. “Are you kidding me, Marc? What could you possible be sorry for, giving me an orgasm?

Marc didn’t appreciate that. “Sam, I fucked you, then you tried to kill yourself!”

Marc… Please stop, I can’t keep watching you do this to yourself

You don’t have to carry the entire world. It’s doesn’t all have to rest on you

Sam rolled her eyes with her whole head. “Oh for fucks sack, Marc, stop! Steven did most of the fucking and you know it!”

Sam’s back

“Not everything thing is about you! And I know, I know that’s hypocritical of me to say, seeing as I make everything about me, all the time” Her initial point was lost, the drunken rambling taking over. “I know I’m not the center of the universe…” She reached back to feel his face; Marc leaned into her touch. “But you keep spinning ‘round me just the same…”

Marc burr tied his face in her new haircut, the smell so distinctly her, despite the salon shampoo “You’re the center of my universe. Our universe. Sam, you are our center of gravity, our nucleus pulling us in, together…”

Sam felt tears pickling in her eyes as she settled further into him, Marc wrapping his arms tighter. “I’m tired. I just… I can’t keep doing this, Marc. I’m fucking exhausted.”

“I know, Sam, I know. But I promise, it will get better. I know it will.”

“How?”

He sighed. “I was going to kill myself, years ago. Things were… really bad. I didn’t think they could be fixed. But I was given a second chance. And I made a lot of mistakes along the way, but things did get better. I’m at a place now that I never thought I could be.”

A dry laugh. “This is better for you?”

He returned it with a small laugh. “Well, maybe not right now. I can’t stand seeing you like this. But overall, yeah. I’m much happier with you, I’ll do whatever it takes to keep you in my life.”

A small smile crept on her face. She turned to look at him “Even dealing with my family?”

Marc tried to brush the hair from her face, remembering now that she had bangs and that was the point. “Even if it means putting up with Jake.” He felt Sam laugh at that. “I mean it, Brightside, I won’t stop him from fronting anymore, I’ll stop being a dick, and if you love him and you want to date him too-”

How many fucking times do I gotta tell you, pendejo-

Now Sam was really laughing.

“What’s so funny?”

She was still giggling. As much as Marc was confused, he was happy to hear her laugh. She could laugh at him all she wanted as long as she was laughing.

“Marc, you know how you, me, and Steven have nicknames for each other? Steven calls me sweetheart, you call me brightside, I call Steven Sunshine and you, Starlight?”

“Yeah?”

“Have you never noticed what Jake calls me?”

Marc was still confused. “Mija and manita”

“Do yoooouuuu know what those mean?” The alcohol making her toy with him.

Marc shrugged. “I just figured they were his flirty spanish nicknames.”

Sam look up at the love of her life, beaming. “I can’t believe you don’t know Spanish”

“I know some!” He defended, planting a kiss of her forehead. “You gonna tell me what they mean?”

“My daughter and little sister, Marc. He’s like a brother to me. That’s it. Okay?”

It suddenly fucking made sense.

Do you beleive me when I say I care about her?

For once, Marc did.

Can I talk to her, mate?

“Steven wants to talk, is that okay?”

She nodded, feeling sleepy in his arms.

“Hello love” Steven took off his jacket and pulled it on her like a blanket. Despite the warmth of the alcohol, she was shivering. “Gave us quite a scare there, thought we lost you.”

“m’sorry, Sunshine. I love you. I don’t wanna leave you guys, I’m just… I’m tired”

Steven started to massage her scalp, lulling her to sleep after the dreadful evening. “I know, Sweetheart. I know.”

“I just don’t know how I’m supposed to wait years for things to get better. I’m exhausted now.”

Steven thought for a moment, choosing his words carefully. “Mary’s First Communion is next month, yeah?” Steven appealed to Sam’s love of her siblings.

“Yeah…”

“So maybe… maybe you don’t have to stay alive forever. Just try to make it through next month so you can see her and your family for that?” He suggested.

Sam considered this proposition. “Then what?”

“Then, well then you graduate in May! So you can just hold out another month to see all your hard work pay off.”

“Then what?”

“Then… then we’ll find the next thing, then the next thing, then the next, until it’s better. We’ll take it a little bit at a time.”

“Okay… thatsoundsgood.” The words meshed together and she was nearly asleep in his arms. “I love you, Steven with a V”

“And I love you, Just Sam.”

Jake?

Yeah?

Thank you… and… I’m sor-

You’re welcome, hermano.

**************

I genuinely appreciate y'all reading so, so much. 3 chapters left. I swear things are on the up and up now. It's gonna be okay. Sam is gonna be okay. Marc, Jake, and Steven are gonna be okay.

Promise.

I think I wanna do a bonus chapter from either Chris or Jessica's perspective, which would y'all prefer?

Comments mean the world, and reblogs are essential for sharing my work! Love y'all @ahookedheroespureheart @kr-mlk @mt2sssss @cherryvalentine1 @tippycakes26 @missdictatorme @my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction @nicepeony

[bots-and-cons]

Stressed, tired and dealing with grief

I know the title probably makes it sound worse than it actually is, but I just need to vent, because I've had a bit of a rough week. I'll try to post something tomorrow, because I don't like leaving the blog alone for this long. Also I can deal with crap by writing so it's a win-win I guess. The stuff below might be a bit of a ramble, but eeeh

Venting starts here btw

There has been a lot going on during the past week and being at my mom's and looking after my little sister really drained me, because I didn't get a single minute alone for six days, aside from sleeping and I didn't do much of that either. My social battery is already nonexistent to begin with and then you add to that no sleep, it's not a good combination. I'm probably not going to my mom's for a couple of weeks, since I can't really deal with my two youngest siblings until I recharge.

On other news, my grandma on my dad's side died a couple of years back in June, and her husband, my grandpa is in a nursing home. I don't visit him much, because I can't really handle it well. He doesn't remember any of us anymore, not even my dad, and it's just way too much for me to handle most of the time.

Anyway, today we went to clean out their old house and it was pretty hard. I didn't really realize it right then, but now that I'm getting tired and have stopped for the day, it's kind of hitting me. We found so many old things that I played with when I was a kid, clothes that I remember my grandma wearing, actual physical photographs were stuffed into every cabinet and corner, and I found all kinds of stuff. I didn't really stop to look at them though, I couldn't really handle it. I looked at one photo for a while, my grandma smiling, wearing that blue flower dress that she liked. That's how I'd like to remember her though, smiling. I know she loved me, even though I didn't hear it for a long time before she died, because she stopped talking. I'll always love her and even though the grief raises its head occasionally, I'll get through it somehow.

Another thing that's been getting to me is the anniversary of Technoblade's death. He died last year at the very end of June. I don't normally get attached to youtubers or streamers, or people on the internet I don't personally interact with, but I guess in his case it was different. I started watching Technoblade when I was still pretty badly depressed, and he was a big source of fun and joy for me. He was one of my comfort youtubers and I still watch his old videos occasionally. I just watched a few old animations about him and hearing his voice literally made me cry.

There's a lot that's stressing me out right now and my grandma's death anniversary among other things just happened to trigger a bit of an emotional avalanche. I've been keeping all this crap in since the beginning of June and it's now all rising to the surface, because I'm tired and don't have the strength to keep it at bay anymore. Also me overburdening myself doesn't help this situation at all, so I'll probably sort of refrain from most social contacts next week and try to take it easy. I'll make some good food, bake something for my birthday (12th of July) and maybe go get ice cream with my bff. I also have an appointment with my mental health counselor/nurse on Monday, so that's gonna help the situation a lot too.

Stay hydrated y'all and thanks if you read all this :D

[voidtouched-blue]

Legitimately just been vibin' all day.

I appreciate y'alls' patience with me.

I typically don't share unless directly messaged, but I figured anyone who really wants to will read. I'm sorry if this seems like clickbait. XD

This last year has been particularly difficult for me. I've been struggling a lot with impostor syndrome in the vast ocean of artists online. My work can always do with improvement, but this year has been rough in particular for a variety of reasons.

I just turned 30 in July. I have a degree in animation that I'm not using, and the career I wanted to get into out of college is out of reach. Along with that, I'm very slow at my work (I know that the more I create, the faster it will get), and it's not fast enough to be a creature concept artist or illustrator in the games industry. Regardless, I really love what I do.

I've had a lot of existential crises this year, and that's partially due to the fact that I really don't make much money from my freelance work. We could use the extra money I would make from my redbubble store, or help pay for stuff with the commissions I get, but I just don't work fast enough for it to really make a dent in our bills. (We're not currently struggling it's just something I think about).

I'm not crying out for help, I promise.

I'm just reflecting on how nice it feels to have a win for once. I finished a piece that I haven't been overly critical of. I finished something that's gotten the most positive outpouring of all of my pieces online, and I'm honestly overwhelmed with joy. I don't often talk about my achievements, I don't like to come off as being boastful. But there's nothing wrong with wanting recognition for hard work.

This is horribly OOC, but I really needed this.

Art aside, I'm really fucking happy that something gave me the desire to get back into the RPC on Tumblr after taking a 3 year hiatus. All of you are so goddamn nice and it just motivated me to want to keep working through the slump I've been in since July.

To all friends old and new,

Thank you so much.

I mean it.

[herrenxenoberg]

My First Ever Post Here!

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Hey y'all,so I've been on Tumblr for quite a while and haven't done posting of my own,so I'm doing it now!

And it's about my TWST OC since I'm obsessed with the game-

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"I shine like treasure from a sunken pirate wreck~"

Name: Taonga Muramura

Japanese Kanji: タオンガ • ムラムラ

Name Origin: Taonga = Maōri for Treasure, Muramura = Maōri for Glowing

Nicknames: Monsieur Sparkling (Rook), Fancy Crab Guy (Grim)

Twisted From: Tamatoa from Moana

Age: 16 years old

Gender: Male ♂️

Pronouns: He/Him

Birthday: July 14th (Cancer ♋️)

Dominant: Ambidexterous

Height: 173cm

Homeland: Coral Sea

Occupation: First Year Student, Mostro Lounge Waiter

School: Night Raven College

Dorm: Octavinelle

Club: Science Club

Best Subject: Defense Magic

Class & Seat: 1-D, Seat No. 3

Likes: Showing Off his looks

Dislikes: Being insulted

Favourite Food: Seafood Boil

Least Favourite Food: Anything made with Sugar and Dairy

Specialty: Singing

Signature Spell: "Watch me dazzle like a diamond in the rough~!Strut my stuff,my stuff is so..." (Incantation)

[Shiny!]

Emits a bright light from his mage stone that can temporarily blind anyone who looks at him. The spell is only effective if the area of usage is dark.

Personality: For Octavinelle's First Year student,Taonga is dubious, unpredictable, possibly insane and endowed with boundless arrogance.His mood tends to shift at the drop of a hat, going from a cheeky and comedic individual, to murderous and menacing in a mere matter of seconds.Taonga is also quirky, comical and entertaining, though in a dark, wicked and malevolent sense to the point that everyone he encounters would be terrified of him.

He also takes pleasure in talking down others with no boundaries by exposing their deepest trauma and secrets to lower their ego for easier manipulation into doing business with Azul before his potential reformation (i.e. after Azul's Overblot in Chapter 3).Taonga can sometimes be extremely narcissistic, arrogant, vituperative, uncompromising and manipulative given the circumstances. Overall,he's quite the fashion freak for anything shiny,as shown with his tendency to dazzle himself with gold accessories both on his human form and merfolk form.

Backstory: When he was young,he was always teased at elementary school as a "drab little mercrab",someone who's not worth getting any attention.Not only looking dull on the outside,he is also physically disabled with his left leg being amputated due to an incident and has to wear a prosthetic leg.Taonga has always wanted to make friends with the other merfolks,but was rejected and ignored every time he tries to have a conversation. Since then,he has learned to make himself stand out in public, by scavenging shiny treasures from sunken ships with his parents to decorate and bedazzle his shell, which actually worked after a few weeks as he's gotten great attention from other merfolks in Coral Sea's elementary school. This habit carried on until he's older, he now always makes himself presentable for every occasion for the sake of getting public attention.To prevent himself from being humiliated,he covers up his prosthetic leg with every long pants he has possible.

Because of this realization, Taonga develops the thought that as long as he's shining on the outside,no one will care about the inside. When he was sent a letter from NRC, he's excited to enroll into the prestigious magic school, wanting to show off his extravagant appearance and (kinda alright)magic talent. He got sorted into Octavinelle during the orientation ceremony as a first year, met Azul and the Leech Twins who opened Mostro Lounge at the time, and was hired to be a waiter of the cafe.

Additional Art: Coffin Icon and Crab Claw Groovy Candy

[stackthedeck]

I posted 11,881 times in 2022

381 posts created (3%)

11,500 posts reblogged (97%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@evilwickedme

@bi-dubmass11

@king-b0mbastic

@elytrians

@dingdongyouarewrong

I tagged 1,995 of my posts in 2022

#asks - 268 posts

#marvel - 71 posts

#matt murdock - 41 posts

#daredevil - 40 posts

#peter parker - 36 posts

#my fanfic - 32 posts

#spiderman - 31 posts

#fanfic - 30 posts

#marveledit - 21 posts

#not to be a lesbian but oh my god - 17 posts

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

I made a survey about fanfiction bookmarking habits with the goal of finding out how people save and share fanfiction. I had 107 responses and 9 questions, two of which were completely qualitative, but 7 were quantitative with an option for qualitative responses. This was a rough initial survey and they're biased towards tumblr and tiktok users because those are the platforms I put them out on. This data should not be applied to the whole fan community, but they're interesting nonetheless

I promised y'all graphs so I'm going to throw them under the read more because oh boy

Analysis of the data but I encourage you to look at the results and draw your own conclusions: Fans tend to have some method of saving fanfics that they really enjoy. The bookmark feature on ao3 is the most used but it tends to be a passive action similar to pushing kudos rather than commenting or is used only for fics that are really special. If ao3 bookmarks aren't the primary means of saving a fic, downloading or bookmarking the tab tends to be the most common. Fans seem to be more open to talking about reading fanfic both online and with irl friends although this is still some level of secrecy around it. It seems social media has an impact on what fics get read

See the full post

151 notes - Posted November 15, 2022

#4

My reads on the superbats dynamics

Superman/Batman: coworkers at best, each other’s nightmare scenario at worst

Superman/Bruce Wayne: is the most powerful man on earth…the trophy husband of some weird goth billionaire??

Clark Kent/Batman: Clark “Pulitzer prize winning investigative journalist” Kent and Bat “world’s greatest detective” man are the absolute dream team these two kick ass

Clark Kent/Bruce Wayne: country boy/goth you know what I’m talking about

160 notes - Posted July 30, 2022

#3

Hello! I have come asking if you can do a fic rec for superbat pls? Idk I you do this on tumblr or only on tiktak but either way love your content wishing you a good day! 💖

I AM SO SORRY this has been sitting in my askbox for ages anon I hope you see this!! Like I adore superbat but I was really into them during my phase of not bookmarking anything so I had to dig through my history lmao

Exclusive by rotasha- one of my favorite superbats fics, the slowburn, the mystery around the identity, the angst about keeping secrets, Bruce struggling with being a parent for the first time, Clark bounding with Dick, UGH I LOVE IT

Interview with a Batman by Mithen- God I love Journalist Clark Kent and Batman being soft bro they make out in the batmobile it's so good!!

A Sense of Identity by DaaroMoltor- they start dating before either of them reveals their identity god the angst is off the charts!! And oh my gosh they're both written so well with all their different facets of identity

That Which We Call a Rose by arysteia- I love the way it jumps through time and explores the dynamics of a love square with two people and all the ways their lives intersect

Man of Steel, Man of Heart by capsicleonyourleft- there's so much to love in this fic but I want to give a shout-out to the fight scenes because yes that is exactly how batman is supposed to fight and I want to drill it into the heads of anyone that makes a batman movie and BRUCE HAS A COMPETENCY KINK

Stuck in the Middle (With You) by TheResurrectionist- batfam shenanigans and Clark is there to witness his stepkids (anything with the tag Tim v Damian: Dawn of beating the shit out of each other is excellent lmao)

275 notes - Posted August 22, 2022

#2

Marvel made Matt Murdock a whore because any person in the 80s/90s would see a guy dressed in a bright red bodysuit specifically made to look like the devil because said guy has a complicated relationship with religion and by his nature he feels that he’s already damned and the guy has an absent mother, a dead dad, and was mentored by an emotionally unavailable older man and be like yeah that’s a homosexual

395 notes - Posted April 18, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Goncharov posting brings a completely different new interesting angle to your what is fanfiction question. If we agree that fanfic has to be based or inspired by a different media, then what is goncharov fanfiction? Does the media have to exist for it to have a transformative Fandom?

aaaah anon I love you so much thank you so much for bringing this to me!! Okay, so my definition of fanfiction is fiction written by self-professed fans in a fandom specific context. So I'm a fan of Spider-Man, I write fiction about Spider-Man to post on ao3 for other fans to read. If marvel hired me to write a Spider-Man comic, I'm still a fan who is writing fiction, but I'm no longer doing it in the context of fandom.

So with that definition in mind, we need to categorize what the fuck Goncharov is. So in my mind, Goncharov is a meme, but it is also the practice of collective storytelling, really no different functionally than Arthurian folklore or any mythology that's been taken out of its original context. We all looked at a pair of boots and said let's write a story together, that's not that different than looking at a mountain and connecting it to the legitimacy of English kings. Goncharov is myth/folklore just very recent and on the internet.

So there is fanfic of Goncharov on ao3. If someone calls their own work fanfic, then it is fanfic. People are not writing these fanfics to add to the folklore, they're not claiming that what they're writing down is canon, rather they're claiming to be building off the canon (that doesn't exist in the sense of the movie, but does exist in the sense that we've all agreed on some sense of truth to it). But because the transformation of the fiction is happening at the same time as the fiction is being defined, the transformation is influencing the collective telling. What is the truth of this story we've all agreed on and what is the fan interpretation in the form of fiction?

In the sense that fandom culture is baked into the creation of this collective myth, all of Goncharov is fanfiction. But because we all have equal creative power over the truth of the fiction, none of Goncharov is fanfiction. Both things are true at the same time. Schrodinger's fanfic if you will.

404 notes - Posted November 21, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[howaboutcastiel]

I posted 369 times in 2022

That's 365 more posts than 2021!

143 posts created (39%)

226 posts reblogged (61%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@romanarose

@toracainz

@my-secret-shame

@howaboutcastiel

@joyful-soul-collector

I tagged 151 of my posts in 2022

#moon knight - 126 posts

#steven grant - 110 posts

#marc spector - 104 posts

#jake lockley - 87 posts

#moon knight x you - 67 posts

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Make Your Acquaintance (Jake Lockley)

Summary: Reader is in an established relationship with Steven and Marc but has never met Jake before and is intimidated by his reputation. When an emergency requires Jake to take control for a while, you decide that it's time to introduce yourself.

Make Your Acquaintance Masterlist

I know the gif is Poe Dameron don’t come for me.

Word count: 5.5k

Content: brief violence and gore, reader is injured (not life-threatening) angst, fluff, whatever. Poor use of Spanish. Gender neutral reader.

Note: I don’t know what this fic is. I don’t know who it’s for. I just kinda wrote it. Drink up boys. Also thank for 100 followers! I am not worthy!

See the full post

1,161 notes - Posted June 21, 2022

#4

All I Desire (Steven Grant x Reader)

Word Count: 6.3k (I'm a mess)

Summary: Reader has not been in a relationship in a while and is scared to have sex with Steven for the first time. After learning of your fear of intimacy, Steven decides to plan an all-out date night to show you that you have nothing to worry about.

Pairings/Warnings: mentions of past relationship trauma, kinda angst I guess, fluff,  smut (duh), plot with porn, Soft Dom! Steven x (afab) Reader, p in v, oral (f receiving), no Marc or Jake but both mentioned. Language is gender-neutral apart from anatomy.

Note: Not proofread. How do y'all just shamelessly write smut all the time I feel like I just killed god

See the full post

1,393 notes - Posted June 1, 2022

#3

Two Steps Forward (Moon Boys)

[18+ content minors leave please]

Summary: A fun night with Jake ends up backfiring as Marc is triggered to front mid-coitus.

Content: Smut-ish, Angst, Fluff (the holy trinity). Handcuffs, impact play, getting triggered during sex, yelling and sad times. Reader is in an established relationship with moon boys.

Word count: 1.9k (aka the closest to a drabble you’ll ever see from me)

A/N: honestly this shouldn’t exist but now it does. Read it and weep. Also google cleared all of the formatting so UGH may be some mistakes.

See the full post

1,721 notes - Posted July 28, 2022

#2

How Do I Ask? (Marc Spector x F!Reader)

[18+] VERY NSFW PLEASE GO AWAY CHILDREN [18+]

Summary: Marc is usually the one to initiate sex. At this point, the reader doesn’t even know how to seduce him (it usually doesn’t require any effort). When the reader wants a change of pace from him, though, she must deal with the conundrum of being the one to make the first move. 

Word Count: 5.4k

Based on an anon request! Lots of love to that mystery person <3 I took some… liberties with the plot. Reader is my body type so sorry skinny gals and NB/FTM babes.

Content: Smut, Like a lot of smut, porn-IS-the-plot kinda smut. Protected sex (we’re not getting pregnant in THIS economy). Oral (M), roughness, a little bit of angst but it's horny angst. Oops there's 2k words of foreplay you can skip that if you want.

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2,041 notes - Posted July 11, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Not My Intention (Moon Boys x F!Reader)

Content Warning: mentions of physical/mental abuse

Word Count: 3.1k

Request (Abbreviated) @twhgirl

Could you write one moon boys x female!reader, where they've been dating for a while… They notice she gets anxious and startled very easily, but when they bring it up she always brushes them off so they don't pry. They don’t know she's previously been in an abusive relationship. And maybe they're at an office party and some guy comes to her when she's alone and the boys get jealous since it's obvious he's trying to flirt with their girl.

Content: Angst!! Fluff, poorly translated Spanish (obligatory) this shit is pathetic and soFT (not a comment on the recommendation just my writing) reader is dating the entire MK system

This is the first time I’ve tried to write in omniscient 2nd person so forgive me if I mess up the perspective somewhere <3 Thank you for the request!!! Much appreciated

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2,803 notes - Posted June 24, 2022

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