#juni o shame

[wtfjuliyn]

Wii Sports Takumi x fem reader story!!!

he leaves you for a man

[bigkpopstan]

LMAOOOO sorry not sorry 🤭 stop the thought of kitty yeonjun adoring his s/o is literally so cute 😭😭 and the over protective too <33 dbskak stop imagine yous are out somewhere and someone starts flirting with you so he steps in and tells them to leave while subconsciously wrapping his tail around you and if they don't he ends up hissing at them or smth kqndkq he'd look cute being that protective <33. If you have the link to the video can you give me it please 👀

OH AND ALSO playing with junnies hair and his ears <3 having him burry his face in your neck :( and the purring noises being so close to your ear <333 also random but when it comes to hybrid enha or txt or wtv I can do with purring and hissing but when it comes to meowing I'm just not so into it 😭 no shame to anyone who is btw I'm just stating my opinion ksnsk

nsfw link warning 18+ only

the link kind sir 🫡 here you go I hope you enjoy it as much as I do Lmao

right?🥹 any yeonjun is so cute but esp kitty junnie who is really really in love with his s/o. Noooo protective junie wrapping his arms around you and tail with his face pressed against you as close as possible while he gives them a dirty look and when they don’t stop he hisses </3 sweetheart.

he’d purr so loud being pet/getting his ears and hair played with and he’d be so content he’d probably fall asleep 🥹. Noooo that’s so cute 😭😭 I’d fall asleep listening to that lol. kissing his head too with it buried in your neck </3. (I get that, some meowing is cute and finas like a reaction thing they can’t help but sexually mmm no for me, but some reason barking occasionally for me like if a puppy boy were to be on his knees (Jake lmao) with a-I can’t even describe it lol but yeah 🫡)

[thekydsarealright]

Go to Work, Mo. [OLD SOLO.]

Monday. Stevie’s apartment. Windows are open. Doors is open. Traffic is going crazy outside. She should be outside by now, on her way to her job, but instead she’s battling and comboning; playing some rando on the latest Tekken game. Her main? Ling. Ling Xiaoyu vs. Lars Alexandersson. 𝑊ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑓𝑢𝑐𝑘 𝑖𝑠 𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑠 𝑑𝑎𝑚𝑎𝑔𝑒, 𝑦𝑜… Bejeweled stiletto nails, a blueberry-yogurt-like pastel shade of magenta, piercing the controls of red and blue Nintendo Joy-Cons that Moné clutches. She’s sitting hunched on a orange fold-out sofa, one sock on, lacking a sneaker, and perched on the cushion. She’s already dressed in her job attire at the AMC movie theatre that wraps just several blocks over. Slacks, tie in the red vest, nametag. She isn’t even ready. God, huff. Damn shame.

“Fuck…” She’s shifting her attention between the TV, and her phone that flashes an alarm she set for herself earlier. And slept on many times. 🎺 1:45 PM: GEDDUP GO TO WORK, GO SELL SOME TICKETS 🔔 Now she’s nervous and chewing her bubble gum louder. “Daaaamn, hold up,” she’s gritting her teeth, rapidly tapping the controls. This muthafucka’s health was already low. So close… …And she lost.

She throws her controller down on the couch, standing immediately up. Ooooo. “Ova’ here sucking MAD dick.” No way I just lost. “ZIRI!” She yells for the only person she knows is up right now. Fuck this game. I knew I should’ve picked up MK instead. They butched this shit. I don’t even want to go to work anymore. She does a silent little dance, a little frantic jig, to channel her anger in losing just before Ziri walks in the room. Oh, she heard.

“Damn, shorty, you ‘ight?” The side of Ziri’s lip is cringed up as she fixes her bandana after combing fingers through her dyed box braids she just redid, seeding through the parts. She sees the makes an ‘O’ with her mouth. She sees ‘You Lost’, and Ling’s dead body getting traditionally taunted by Lars. “Ha, you got your ass WHUPPED again nevermi—” Ziri’s cackling.

“Yo shut the fuck up gang, I never lose!” Moné is doubling over, rushing to do up the laces on her Air Force. “Where the rest of the gang at?”

“You need to let me fight you one of these days,” Z’s grabbing a bag of chips, smacking while shrugging, batting her eyelashes. Momo’s still switching corners of the room, getting her chocolate-colored lip cream on, and rolling it in by her pinky finger, blotting her lips together with a piece of paper. Matched her coffee-colored eyes. Little cream, little coffee. “Steez Fo and Muu still here.” Ziri’s gesturing behind herself with a thumb, through the hallway into the adjacent room. “You might not wanna—”

She cut her off. “Great, ’cause I need somebody to watch this kid.” Moné grabs her essentials, her skateboard, and brushes past Ziri. “Watch OUT! Not even a thank you, B?”, Ziri’s airing her arms apart, though, it’s clear she’s only joking. Ziri smacks her teeth, swinging a hand down and fixing her leather jacket.

Moné blasts the living room. Stevie in his ginger fro and glasses, braids taken out, Muna, braids in, and Fatima, curls picked, they’re are there, sat around a table, working on music; Foo holding Stevie’s guitar as he’s harmonizing and making up words, tapping his fingers against the air. “Duh, duh… Thank you, and by the way…” Stevie’s guitar had an afro pick hooked on the frets. Mo just watched, hidden. These niggas some hippies or some? She came out, making her presence known, scratching her neck. Muna noticed her first. Soon everybody just looked amused, and exchanging the what’s ups and how did you sleeps, low laugh masked at every turn of a sentence. Like they just heard her rage at getting folded.

“Hey,” she cleared her throat, prepping her raspy voice, saddling it down to its normal mellow volume. She lowkey hated to ask. “morning and shit, yo, can y’all watch Junie for me today? Any one of y’all and y’all only,” Mo asks sternly, flicking her fingers, as she leans against a doorsill, hanging the back of her hand over her shoulderblade as if a cigarette was perched between her fingernails.

“Ayeeee, lit-tle chubby cheeks?”, Muna grins, unrolling one of her legs out from underneath her. You know when someone’s who’s got a British accent asks a question, the question mark completely falls off? Yeah.

The whole room is cutting up in hype and agreement. Like the energy of, “DUH? WHAT?”

Momo rolls her eyes. “Yes. She innah room, she sleep. I gotta go get this bag you feel me, and I’m nat gon’ be able to get her into daycare…” She kept looking at her phone. Losing time. Losing time. I gotta be up there by 2. She’s backing out the door. She’s pointing one nail, as if she’s saying like, watch her… I’m deadass. “Look, no disrespect, just make sure don’t NOTHING happen to her.” She single-handedly side hands. Like a boss. Like that one scene with Diamond in Player's Club. "Stan' outside, and make sure don't NOBODY come in." Handing the gun to Blue. "You and yo' daddy..."

Stevie chuckled, putting the bass down. “Yooooooooooo, Momooooo. Okay? We’ll watch her! You so smooth, you good.” His thick eyebrows are furrowed, and he’s leaning back with a gentle but firm shake of his head as he maintains serious contact. Then he’s ready to get up, looking for his keys. “Do you need a ride?”

Relief. Moné grabs her baseball cap, and her bag. “Hell nah. It’s just up the street. Y’all lucky you live so fuckin’ close to the movies. Nah, thanks, no thanks, I know you see all this traffic parked out there? I got my skateboard, bro. Take me five ten minutes. Period.”

“Money, we GOT you, GGGOOOOO!” Fatima is smiling, hazed eyebrows, laughing, and swatting at her. “FaceTime, Baby madda.” Fatima had this Jamaican accent which occasionally would either protrude or slip out. “She’ll be fine.”

“Thank you. Thank you. Thank you,” Mo’s opening the door, one foot out, half a face gone.

“Word. Be safe, hamie.” Stevie calls, shadowing a hand on top of his cup of orange juice, and the door even after it shuts. He looks at Munz and Foo, who both just shrug. Here they go back to quick writing melodies. Fatima starts rocking side to side, replaying what she was coming up with before. “Thank. You… and by the way…”

★

By then, Mo’s running down the flight of stairs, knees possessed by the strength of her adrenaline, constantly holding onto the strap of her bag over her shoulder (which also had matching shoes for her uniform, NOT the Air Ones) as she runs past the other room numbers, and out through the main entrance of the building. The road is packed with cars and pedestrians, but the sidewalk? Word. She knew it. CLEAN. She placed in her Airpods; shuffling some random playlist Stevie gave her on Apple Music — kicked down her skateboard — KICK, PUSH, now she’s cruising down the block to pick up lightning speed as a strong, but clear breeze kisses her face, clashes with her hoop earrings, and her hair gliding behind her as she allows herself to cruise for a while, passing kids and inner circles of pedestrians, other folks skating.

She shuffles through Tame Impala’s ‘The Less I Know The Better’, The Weeknd’s ‘Less Than Zero’, eventually settling for N.E.R.D’s ‘Sooner Or Later’.

Damn, my manager finna be super pissed at me…

Moné pulls down the brim of her baseball cap to further conceal to her face. She forgot something. Aww, naww… her lil’ best friend.

Like she didn’t give Junie a kiss on the forehead before she left.

Over her shoulder, she looks back for a split second as she closes her eyes, blows a big kiss, no hands, towards the apartment complex. She mouths an ‘I love you’, and starts pushing one foot off the concrete, leaning her weight against the breeze that held her upright. Then she’s blurred out of sight, red hair dipping behind shortly.

Better late than neva. Character references below: Mo:

Fatima:

Ziri:

Stevie:

Muna:

[ceritahasnaaa]

Sebuah Ulasan Idul Adha

Inget Rumah

Jadi inget rumah hmmm. Jadi di rumahku punya peternakan kambing, dan setegar-tegarnya bapakku, kalau tiap Idul Adha bakal gak banyak bicara, gak semangat makan kayak hari-hari biasanya, pokoknya kesedihannya gak bisa ditutupi sih.

Aku, ibu, dan denina? Ya jelas, sudah pasti sih lebih pengen nangis pas liat kambing-kambing itu diangkut satu per satu sejak kemarinnya. Adikku si anak tengah aja yang tegar, tapi ntar dia murungnya abis Idul Adha bubaran, sampe 7 hari kedepan tuh sedihnya.

Melihat puluhan kolom kandang yang biasanya penuh, tiba-tiba kosong gitu aja. biasanya rame sahut-sahutan minta rumput, sekarang udah berakhir jadi sate. Huwaa. Apalagi kalo kambingnya yang beneran bibit sendiri, dirawat dari kecil, disusu-in SGM tiap pagi siang sore pake dot bayi, disuntikin vitamin tiap minggu, ditangisin pas dia sakit. dah lah kalo dibayangin sedih, tapi ya di situlah letak makna berkurbannya, ya.

Apalagi ibu yang ngurusi sehari-hari, suka gak tegaan gitu. Karena dari kecil ngasih susu dengan sebegitu lucunya tuh anak-anak domba.

Si Lucu

The cutest ever! Masih dalam edisi foto-foto zaman dulu, cuma seneng aja kalo mereka makannya rakus gini padahal ini difoto jam 11 malam.

Si Jagoan

Si jagoan yang gagah tapi nyebelin tapi paling disayang hehe. Soalnya tanduk dia gede banget, aku paling takut kalo ngasih dia makan. apalagi kalo udah kelaparan bakal loncat-loncat sampe mau rubuh tuh kandangnya deh, Ah, rasanya kuingin kabur saja. Biar bapak yang giliran ngasih dia makan, tapi kalo sore jadwalnya aku jadi gak bisa nolak. Kangen banget sih rutinitas rumah kayak gitu, meski capek tapi ngerasa hidup ada maknanya.

Si Ganteng

Si ganteng karena dia putih hehe (yah bulu shaming). Penurut banget tapi makannya agak manja, dia pemilih, cuma mau rumput jenis tertentu aja. Bikin pusing orang yang nyari pakan, bikin pusing orang yang ngasih makan juga, kudu milihin rumput hadeuh. jadi… skip, bukan tipe saya, bye! Tapi tetep nangis sih pas dia dijual, gak tega dia seganteng itu mau dijadiin sate ya Allah. Padahal kayaknya udah 7 tahunan berternak, tapi tetep aja ada rasa gak teganya hehe.

Ucapan Terima Kasih

Yah intinya mau say good bye ke sayang-sayangnya aku semuanya, 5 unit kandang yang aku udah gak tau nama-namanya siapa aja huhu. Saking udah 2 tahun gak pulang ke rumah jadi gak bisa kenalan sama mereka satu per satu. Kambing kamu dinamain? YES. Itu penting buat pencatatan bisnis eaaa. makasih sudah mengorbankan diri buat jadi uang kuliah dan uang makan saya yah [penulis merasa ingin menangis, tolong]. Mereka sebentar lagi akan menjadi sate seperti yang dibuat abang Seokjin di bawah ini, hiks.

Pasar Domba

O iya, jadi inget dulu pas SMA selalu nolak kalo bapak ngajak ke pasar domba, karena salting gak sih ntar di sana aku ngapain huhu mana pasti isinya bapak-bapak semua. tapi sekarang pengen banget ikut haha semoga ntar berkesempatan bisa ikut kalo dah pulang ke rumah. Sekian cerita idul adha dari pov yang punya peternakan~

Sekian yaaaa....

O iya, genre tulisan ini memang random banget, ya: slice of life + religi + mellow-dramatic + imaginative. Emang ini tulisan gak terkonsep dah lah mau suka-suka dulu. Tuh, sampe foto Seokjin aja masuk cerita ini.

Surakarta, 29 Juni 2023

[b-ap]

[181117] B.A.P Forever Tour in Philadelphia - Highlight of my Life

This was really one of the best concerts I’ve ever gone to. Despite being skeptical of JSJ from the beginning, I was still willing to risk it and buy the tickets. I was debating for a while to drop $400 or not for m&g but when you think about it, it was only $30 per photo with each of the boys (+ a hat, hoodie, and whistle) so that’s HELLA worth it.  So I dropped nearly $600 for this concert but for real it was SO worth it. I was even willing to go down by bus all by myself and possibly wandering the streets of philly late at night for it but luckily was able to catch a ride! 

These two BABYz gave out numbers from the very beginning like they marked down if you were plat or baby package and in the end JSJ and fans actually honored them! It was really great cuz we were able to leave the line to go to the bathroom or get food! BABYz around me were so nice and friendly too ;u; When it was time to go in to soundcheck and for the concert, we all actually got in order! It was REALLY nice like wow thank you philly babyz!! We were let in a little late for soundcheck cuz apparently bap was doing some kind of interview?? As for soundcheck, it was sooOOOoooOOO good!!! They kinda mixed up plat and baby but oh well whatever I still got like 3rd row so *^* WOOHOO! The stage was up really high and the venue was quite small, but philly crowd’s passion was explosive and powerful!! At the beginning of soundcheck Zelo kept like peeking out from the backstage door *^* they were ODing the fog machine so you could only see silhouettes at the door sometimes OTL. Daehyun was the first to come out! He came in this big puffer jacket and had earphones and and was smiling so cutely!! That wonderful wonderful kitty smile!! OH MY HEART PLEASE HAVE MERCY!! And then the others came out! <3 Zelo was wearing like PJ pants lmao the same one he wore in that IG pic of him in the truck, jongup was wearing leather (i think.....), himchan wore the tour hoodie, and youngjae wore a long coat. BUT YEAH the first song they did was TMJ and the crowd was hella LIT!!! Like everyone was singing their lungs out and jumping and being really really excited! We all started jamming out hardcore at the very first note of TMJ and I just knew it was about to be epic. BAP was sooo happy!! They really enjoyed it as well!  And then they did DWIF and omfg daehyun was soooo cute cuz we were so loud during the OH!! part that he was like :O!!!!! and gave us two thumbs up!! The others were really happy too!! And then Zelo was controlling the crowd with his hands LOL like he was making us go side to side like a wave and then jongup was doing this weird dance too lmaooo we hyped up each other so much! It was soo much fun ;A; too bad we couldn’t record but JSJ got a ( video )~!! Like just listen to BABYz singing along at the beginning!! ( dh shocked at 0:41, thumbs up at 0:51)

We had to go back outside again after the concert and that’s when the line got a little messy since now there was also GA peeps and the sidewalk is only so big to fit like 3 different lines. But it worked out in the end and we got in order!! AND YA GIRL GOT FCKN 2ND ROW HEEEEEEEEELLLL YEAHH!! I had a GREAT view!! There was actually quite a lot of space and like NO pushing!! (except this one bishhhh but whatever that’s another story -.- i’ll delete her from my memory) But wow pit was fCKN great like wow the fanchants!! The whistles!! NO PUSHING!! LIKE WHAT WOOOW I LOVE YOU (this was an all standing venue btw). When we were waiting for the concert to start, they played a bunch of their songs and everyone was scream-singing the lyrics (well more like trying to LOL we can’t korean) We had our own bap concert with an empty stage lmaooo 

AND AHHHH BAP WAS SOOOO GOOD AT FANSERVICE!!! Himchan noticed me like several times i fucking cRy!! He looked and waved at mee TWICE and like gestured to focus on zelo for recording and taking pics when it was his part AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! Like last year he saw me struggling in pit (cuz that was HELL) and looked worried I CRY and he smiled at me too huuuhuuu himchan youre a fckn angel I LOVE YOU!!! I made a half heart at daehyun and hE FCKN COMPLETED IT I WAS ABOUT TO FCKN DIE RIGHT THEN AND THERE LIKE !!!!!!!!!!!! JOngup threw so many hearts and kisses at the crowd and youngjae blew so many kisses!! They were waving as much as possible to fans and daehyun, bless his heart, kept saying thank you!!thank you!! at any chance he could get!

During Q&A, bap spent the longest time arguing about harry potter houses pmsl and then yj was just like idk i never watched it (shame on you bro) and then himchan was like EXPECTRO PATRONUM!! (nerrRRRddddd). Jongup said he was fckn Dobby like bruH thats not even a house!!! YJ was like forget this!! and said, “PASS!!” Himchan said that he was Slytherin and then jongup said that Himchan would be fkcn Snape and did this dramatic coat sweeping straightening up his back thing LOL so himchan said Jongup would be a muggle pmsl Zelo did like a broom riding imitation??? irdk.... Next question was what was your favorite song that you’ve ever made. Jongup answered Photo and sang a little of it (so then where is the studio version biiSHHHhh) but lol BABYz were like SEXY CLAP!!!!!! Youngjae pulled out a question, looked at it and was like NOPE! and put it back pmsl! The next question was what tricks can Mochii do and then youngjae was frckn like body slamming zelo and jongup lmaooo. Zelo was sooooo cute he was telling the story of how Mochii bit in all in English!! He said how he was eating and was struggling to explain that Mochii was under the table so BABYz were helping him! He said that he dropped cheese and then Mochii went to eat it but Zelo tried to stop him. Mochii bit and and then Zelo was like “ooh! bloood! my dog is ...wildlife” but the way he said blood was soo cute like the oo in moon instead of “blud”  This sweet precious boy!! His English was so good!!!! The next question was to sing happy birthday to a BABY named Jenny (wow you LUCKY girl im sooo jelly omfg). So Zelo sings her hbd really dramatically lmao and they give her their sweaty towel and Zelo gave her a water bottle too!! They’re so sweet!!!!!!! 

During their other talk segment, Youngjae was like since our tour in america, philly has been the most passionate! So we all SCREAMED and cheered like crazy! Daehyun was like hold up!! AGAIN! and went to grab a phone. He made us all scream and cheer again so he could record it. The boys kept gesturing to scream louder and more and were totally enjoying the cheers! I hope we conveyed our love for them well enough!! Also Daehyun release that footage soon pls!!! He told us we did a good job screaming lmaoo! Youngjae kept making sounds for us to repeat lmao like ooOOoooo (idk how to describe it LOL) and then was like “maestro!” when trying to silence us with his fingers like a conductor LOL but we kept screaming things LOL someone was like “this is my first kpop concert!!” so youngjae was like “sounds good!” and gave a thumbs up. Jongup also did the conductor thing hahahah Daehyun promised to come back again next year and I REALLY REALLY hope that they do!!!! 

The solos were beyond amazing. Like rewatching youngjae and daehyun’s solos made me tear up like how do such beautiful voices exist in this world? Did I really hear those ethereal voices in real life? It was sooo mesmerizing and breathtaking! Youngjae’s gorgeous baritone voice singing that smooth ballad huuuhuuu my heEArt!!! Daehyun’s heartwrenchingly beautiful voice, song, and lyrics wow let me just lie down and drown in my tears rn bYE! DaeUp’s duet was so cool, Jongup’s TML was perfect as usual, Zelo’s solo was sinful oh my those hip and that peach *blushes* it was suuuper fun and Zelo enjoyed it a LOT too!!! He lifted up his shirt!! 

THEN IT WAS M&G TIME!!! They set up the background right in front of the stage. We lined up to go in and bap was standing like: jongup, youngjae, daehyun, himchan, zelo! It was plat individual photos first, then baby group + hi-touch, then plat group + hi-touch. BABYz really went for it!! Like a lot of us got hugs! We were able to watch the whole m&g but they didnt let us have our phones out ;A; (and I also had used up all 6.5 GB of space on my phone OTL) BAP were SOOOOOOOO sweet UGH we stan literal ANGELS!! They love BABYz so fricken much!! JSJ was sooo nice to allow a lot of fan interactions AHHHHHHHH BAP did a lot of cute poses and played around with BABYz! LEt mE TELL YOU THAT BAP IS SERIOUSLY SOOOO FUCKING BEAUTIFUL, HANDSOME, GORGEOUS, STUNNING, MESMERIZING, UP CLOSE HOW DID MY HEART EVEN SURVIVE?????? I GOT TO BEAR HUG EVERYONEEEE THEYRE ALL SO TALL AND IM HELLA SMOL SO THEY HAD TO SQUAT DOWN FOR ME HUUHUU THYE LIKE PATTED MY BACK DURING THE HUGS TOO AHHHHHH WE HAD A DECENT AMOUNT OF TIME WITH ALL OF THEM!!! I TOLD DAEHYUN I SAW HIM IN KOREA IN ASU AND HE WAS LIKE OOOOOH THANK YOU!!! CURSES TO MY TINY AF VOICE CUZ I DONT THINK THEY ALL EVEN REALLY HEARD WHAT I SAID SOMETIMES!!! I told Zelo he was too tall for me lmaooo I really wanna see how much he had to bend down for me! I seriously wished that my m&g was recorded but :((((((((((( After my m&g I legit squealed and hugged my friend lmao but the staff yelled at us for being too loud LMAO BUT GIRL WE JUST HUGGED FCKN KINGS LIKE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We tried to contain ourselves as much as possible LOL Daehyun said thank you out loud to a lot of BABYz after their m&g! Zelo kept dabbing at BABYz lmaooo a lot of them didnt notice tho cuz he would do it after they had already passed him HAHAHA when it was my hi-touch I dabbed at Zelo hahah and he dabbed back :D I wanted to get a group hug from them but i got too excited and FUCKING FORGOT to ask for a group hug *kicks myself* Now I wish I had written my name on a name tag (like “HI I’M JUNIE”) and hope they wouldve said “HI JUNIE”  but I didnt OTL 

I really wish I could relive the whole day. I wish I was able to record my m&g and got a group hug or them to say my name or I had said something more to them but it’s ok my heart is very very happy and I love bap soo much. My 7 year love for them continues and I will really love them forever. Let’s meet again soon, my loves! I’m looking forward to then~! 

[pantton-sandacers]

Messages From a Stranger

<–First ~ <-Previous ~ Next->  

~Summary: Every night you receive a message about a random sentence your soulmate said that day. After years of collecting messages, Patton, Logan, Roman, Virgil, and Remy finally realize their soulmates are in their class at their co-op. ~A/N: To apologize for not updating in forever, There’s gonna be two chapters posted today!! Unfortunately this chapter has angst, and more ableist Roman... but! This chapter is longer! And the next chapter begins the sleepover! (which will extend over several chapters) Read it on AO3 ~Ship(s): Logicality and Sleeprinxiety ~Rating: G Warnings: Ableism, Sensory Overload Word Count: 964 ~Tag List: @artisticlnsomniac @coconut-cluster  @evilmuffin @freepaperie081 @insert-epic-blogger-name-here @juni-raptor @moonstone-fox @mythicalquill @nonbinaryvirgilsanders @professional-fangirl75 @softestlittlepuffball @thethirteenthplanet @trashypansexual @221b-quote @anxioussoftboy @astral-eclipse @anony-phangirl @ccecode @crooked-harmony-student @helloisthisusernametaken @hissesssss @i-identify-as-a-mango @lynisnotamused @paperghastly @sombraplayslazertag   @spacedouterri @tatehoseok @timeywimeygalaxy @thepoolofthedead @trueunreal @violetmcl 

The Invitation

Logan was on his way out of school when he heard someone call out after him, “Hey! Microsoft Nerd!”

He rolled his eyes and turned around to see Roman rushing up to meet him, “Yes?”

“Here!” Roman extended a fancily decorated invitation to him.

“What’s this?”

“It’s an invitation for a slumber party at Patton’s house! It’s gonna be you, me, Patton, Remy, Emile, and Elliott!”

“What about Dylan and Virgil?”

Roman tensed, “Well, Dylan’s family doesn’t do sleepovers, and Virgil... well- he wouldn’t really fit in, ya’know? I just don’t think it’d be ‘his thing’, yeah?”

“Actually, I don’t know. Please enlighten me as to how my best friend wouldn’t ‘fit in’ with the rest of our class,” Logan’s tone turned cold, “And how can you claim to know what would be ‘his thing’ when you make no effort to get to know him?”

Roman felt embarrassed, “It’s just,, he’s different? And you’re really his only close friend so he’d probably feel awkward around the rest of us that he doesn’t know.”

Logan scoffed, “He knows you a lot better than you think, just because none of the other kids in class approach him, it doesn’t mean he doesn’t know them. He happens to be very observant, he knows how many freckles are on your face, how often you fidget per minute, and how quickly you read, and this is from years of experience in public school of having no friends and being left to observe all the other students in school and memorize little details about them. So don’t think for a second that he doesn’t know you better than you know yourself.”

Roman was taken aback, the thought that Virgil paid that much attention to him and had apparently told Logan things he noticed about Roman made him blush a little, either from flattery or a slight sense of unease at being watched. Regardless, he brushed it off and spoke, “Stalking people is a little creepy, don’t you think?”

“It’s not stalking, it’s people watching, there’s a difference. And he doesn’t do it to be creepy, he does it to feel like he knows others and is involved, because he’s left out so often. Now if I go to the sleepover Virgil is coming with me, and you’re going to invite him just as you would invite anyone else and you will treat him with respect while being considerate of his differences.”

Roman sighed, “Okay, I guess it’s good that I have a spare invitation on me then. So you’ll come?”

“If you invite Virgil, then yes.”

“Fine,” Roman handed Logan the invitation and watched as he shoved it in his backpack.

Roman caught sight of Virgil against a wall across the room, “Virgil!” he called out, rushing over to him.

Virgil looked petrified as his heart rate increased, why was he yelling? Why was he running towards him? Virgil flinched, curling into a ball on instinct to protect himself from the impact.

But Roman slowed to a stop before Virgil, looking down at him confused, he felt a hand grip his arm and pull him aside.

“What on earth are you doing?” Logan whispered, “You can’t just yell and go running up to someone with sensory disorders!”

Roman was getting frustrated, “Well what would you have me do!?”

“I’d have you walk up like a normal person and speak at a normal volume.”

“Well, I can’t very well do that now since he’s an armadillo!” Roman gestured over to Virgil, who was curled into a ball, shaking as he gripped his hands over his ears.

Fury flashed in Logan’s eyes as he near-growled, gripping onto Roman’s arm, “Do. Not. Make. Fun. Of. Him.”

Roman was hit with a wave of shame and guilt, looking at the ground and muttering a quiet, “I’m sorry.”

“Good,” Logan let go of Roman’s arm and slowly approached Virgil, moving his wrist into his line of vision so he’d recognize his watch and know it was Logan. Virgil looked up slowly, hands still gripping his ears.

“It’s okay Virgil, he’s not gonna yell anymore, you can put your hands down.”

Virgil slowly took his hands from his ears, trembling as he stood up, breathing deeply to gather himself.

Roman hesitantly stepped forward, “Hello, Virgil, um, I’m sorry for the way I tried to greet you earlier.”

Virgil made a small nod.

“Um, I have an invitation for you for a sleepover at Patton’s house? If you’d like to come? It’s gonna be everyone in our class minus Dylan, ‘cause his parents don’t allow sleepovers.”

“O-oh,” Virgil quietly began, taking the note from Roman, “Thank you.”

Roman nodded, “Well, I have to go see if my mom’s ready to go, I’ll see you all later,” and with that Roman turned away, walking towards the exit as he felt an unsure mix of emotions inside him.

Virgil turned the note in his hands, “He didn’t really wanna invite me... you made him.”

Logan was caught, he nodded, “I should’ve known you’d figure it out, if you don’t want to go just because I made him invite you then-“

“Nah, I think I’ll go. It’s at Patton’s house, right? If I go I can make sure you’ll have a chance to read him the sonnet you’re gonna write.”

Logan flushed, “Well, thank you, and I hope you’ll enjoy the sleepover too.”

“I’ll try, I just hope some of them actually want me there.”

“I’m sure once they get to know you, they’ll like you.”

“Well, we’ll see about that.”

Later that night Virgil would check his arms for messages, and he would feel fear shoot through his veins when he saw, “Well, I can’t very well do that now since he’s an armadillo!” written in red, fancy lettering.

[arauna]

Xarxes socials i adolescents: una oportunitat per a transformar-nos totes?

[Vam escriure, fa uns dies, un breu article d’opinió derivat de la nostra recerca en adolescents i xarxes socials per al Diari de Tarragona amb la Iolanda Tortajada i la Cilia Willem. Es va publicar algun dia de juny del 2018].

L’ús de les xarxes socials per part dels i les joves és una de les preocupacions que manifesten les famílies i la comunitat educativa. Una prova recent n’és la prohibició de l’ús del mòbil a les aules a França. Però convindria que ens preguntéssim si la prohibició pot respondre als reptes que ens plantegen les tecnolo-gies i les pràctiques socials que permeten. Les persones adultes expressem la por que les xarxes obrin als i les joves contactes amb persones desconegudes, que puguin fer mal als menors, o que els provoquin addiccions. Aquestes pors són comprensibles, però no tenen a veure tant amb l’ús del mòbil com amb la societat en què vivim.

El fet és que a les xarxes hi podem veure coses que potser no són tan sorprenents però que ens haurien de fer pensar: primer, que l’ús que les persones joves fan d’aquestes eines no és tan diferent que el que en fem les adultes; i segon, que els danys més freqüents que s’hi pateixen tenen a veure amb sistemes de desigualtat que van molt més enllà dels entorns virtuals. És a dir, que les afectacions que pateixen els i les joves a través de les seves activitats a Internet estan relacionades amb vectors de desigualtat que també operen en el llenguatge o les relacions interpersonals, i que són perjuris dels quals els adults tampoc no en som immunes, com ara la inequitat de gènere, l’exclusió per classe social, o la discriminació per iden-titat o orientació sexual. La distribució sense permís de fotografies de noies, el control en les relacions sexuals i afectives, o la burla dels cossos no normatius són algunes de les formes freqüents de danyar els i les joves a les xarxes. Però també fora de les xarxes. I solen ser exercides per persones properes o ja conegudes per les víctimes.

Així, sense desmerèixer la importància de fer un ús responsable de les xarxes, ni negar que aquestes amplien les possibilitats de relacionar-se amb persones o col·lectius inconeguts, o difícils de controlar per adults, sí que podem afirmar que la majoria de persones joves pateixen a les xarxes els efectes dels valors tradicionals i opressius que, en la nostra vida quotidiana, adolescents i adults no som capaços d’eradicar. Per tant, prohibir els dispositius mòbils no ens farà més felices. Educar amb, a través i per a les xarxes, amb valors inclusius, potser sí. Deconstruir la cultura masclista i heteropatriarcal, legitimar l’ús lliure i el respecte de tots els cossos, i construir un compromís col·lectiu en contra de les desigualtats i la violència hauria de ser un primer pas perquè els i les qui tenen conductes abusives a través –o fora de– les xarxes es trobessin no amb l’empara del sistema de valors dominant sinó, al contrari, amb una rotunda crítica al que estan fent. I això garantiria que aquest espai d’autorecerca de la identitat i d’expansió de les relacions que són les xarxes socials fos un terreny més segur i confiable per als i les nostres joves.

D’altra banda, no hem d’oblidar que les xarxes socials també han obert oportunitats creatives i educatives. Les persones joves tenen en aquestes plataformes un espai per a experimentar en la generació de contin-guts literaris, gràfics, audiovisuals… i per a compartir-los amb els seus iguals, i fins professionals de dife-rents sectors. Les nostres recerques també mostren com les persones joves no només reprodueixen valors tradicionals i perniciosos, sinó que són innovadores en donar-se veu i presentar al públic imatges que superen els estrictes i artificiosos codis de bellesa dels mitjans. En els seus vídeos, normalitzen la diversitat d’identitats i orientacions sexuals que constitueixen la nostra societat, i difonen música i cançons femi-nistes que tenen el potencial d’apoderar les joves que ja no acceptaran, potser, els abusos i agressions sexuals que les adultes vam patir normalitzadament. Per tant, més que negar als i les joves les possibilitats de les xarxes, potser convindria exigir que les xarxes, com la resta d’espais d’interacció social, fossin entorns lliures d’opressions.

Tot això no ens ha de dur a ignorar que plataformes com Instragram, Facebook o Twitter són eines propietàries, regides per les polítiques d’empreses que cerquen beneficis a costa de la informació personal dels seus usuaris i usuàries. Les persones joves i la necessitat que tenen d’experimentar amb construccions identitàries generen una quantitat ingent de contingut en xarxa que és consumit voraçment per altres adolescents i que augmenta el tràfic i la informació demogràfica que els servidors acumulen. Però potser seria honest admetre que moltes persones adultes no diferim gaire en allò que fem a través de les xarxes.

Potser podríem aprofitar l’avinentesa per fer, tots plegats, joves i adults, una cura en l’ús d’Internet o, com diria Víctor Sampedro, compartir un projecte de “dietètica digital per a aprimar el Gran Germà”.

En síntesi, els resultats de recerques i observacions amb joves apunten a que és necessària més reflexió i consciència que no pas alarmisme. Davant l’expansió del clickbait a la vida privada i la pedagogia indivi-dualista i emprenedora que incentiva el jovent a construir una imatge de marca “triomfadora” segons paràmetres estandarditzats, potser cal aturar-se a construir referents que posin en valor la diversitat, la necessitat d’escoltar els i les altres, i la capacitat apoderadora de la comunicació. A través de les xarxes, i quan ens trobem “en persona”.

Núria Araüna, Iolanda Tortajada i Cilia Willem són investigadores del Grup de Recerca ASTERISC de la Universitat Rovira i Virgili. http://www.comunicacio.urv.cat/recerca/

Entre les publicaciones d’aquesta recerca, podeu llegir:

-‘Can we make our girls responsible for their safety online? Myths and facts about sex and the internet’. Blog Parenting for a Digital Future: http://blogs.lse.ac.uk/parenting4digitalfuture/2018/05/16/can-we-make-our-girls-responsible-for-their-safety-online/

* ‘Chonis and pijas. Slut-shaming and double standards in online performances among Spanish teens.’ Revista Sexualities: http://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/1363460717748620 * ‘Ser noia en temps de Facebook’. Revista Anàlisi: https://www.raco.cat/index.php/Analisi/arti-cle/view/304873

[path11podcast]

311 Love and Intimacy with Mare Simone

Muse Mare has dedicated her life to explore arousal and orgasm as healing. Tantra yoga, breath-work, body-work with movement and sounds are keys we'll use to unlock and activate O-Energy. Learn how Tantra unleashes arousal that can be channeled to heal, awaken and enlighten. Supercharge your touch so you can love and serve in ways that are most needed, deeply desired, and fully received. Discover Tantric Touch as a love meditation. Mare is certified in two Tantra lineages: Ipsula and Source Tantra. She also trained and worked with Therapists and Psychologists in Surrogate Partner Therapy.

https://www.maresimone.com

--------------------------------

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Check out this episode!

[punkscowardschampions]

Indie & Rio

Indie: where you @? Indie: lost u in the heads & smoke like Rio: I know, fucking madness ain't it Rio: never gets old Rio: What's up tho? Indie: get off mckenna for a few i need to chat Indie: 😏😏😂😂 Indie: dunno how to spit this Indie: imma just Indie: drews back in the pen lookin @ a fresh stretch Rio: Hush child 😜 Rio: Oh shit Rio: Really? Rio: Any day to get caught, like Rio: he must've been weighed tf down, man Rio: How you feeling on it, babe? Indie: innit tho Indie: vexed i didnt get my share for the feds hit him up Indie: but fr idk man Indie: he trying to play like he sorry & he wants to see my face if his gotta keep in there Rio: Hmm Rio: It's like, does he mean it or is it 'cos it's long in there, like Rio: Not trying to be a cunt genuinely questioning like we gonna get any sort of answer Indie: i told my auntie he sorry for heself only Indie: i feel that Indie: i not trying to 🤡 for him so the pen aint dry Indie: & he aint trying to see my sis face Indie: either of Rio: Yeah, ain't nobody trying to take a baby to prison, can you fucking imagine Rio: least of all Ro sat there like Rio: Jesus Rio: Well, you know I've got your back Rio: if he means it he'll bell you himself once he's in and knows wtf he's doing Rio: but I'm with you with as much as we know now, fuck that, some time away will do us all some good Indie: if former step ma stepped her foot in there shed be shook beyond belief Indie: no jokes Indie: it got me feelin some type of way bad tho like i willed it Indie: cos i wanted him gone from me & the younger Indie: but how long he gets depends she might not kno him lowkey ever Indie: ro aint want him around now she aint gon forgive & forget welcomin him back to the table once he jailbroke Rio: Init Rio: Might be the culture shock she needs but even I ain't gonna say she deserves, like Rio: Nah, dash that, serious Rio: it's always been a risk of how he's living, whether right or wrong, wanted or not, it's just facts Rio: they caught him slipping, nothing to do with how much he been slipping with you and that whole situation Rio: It ain't gonna be like that, system's a joke, yeah? Rio: Idk about that though but if he proper wants to see Astrid then there's ways to make that happen, just he's never put that level of effort in, ever Indie: im heavy w this Indie: aint trying to need this tonite of all nights Indie: gus & di already 👀 edie early Indie: 🚀🚀🚀 coming off Indie: mayb i gotta just bounce from here Rio: I know, babe Rio: you don't have to Rio: no one wants you to go Indie: i aint about wanting that but 💔💔💔💔 u kno Rio: if you gotta Rio: I get it Rio: but you don't need to stay gone, yeah Rio: like Edie doesn't Indie: idk where my boys are i cant be runnin these streets rn Indie: the feds are proper extra Indie: decision makes itself Rio: Yeah they gotta be out in full force Rio: it ain't safe for you to bounce alone, everyone's lairy Rio: We can go home if you want, night close to over neway? Indie: naaaaah you and mckenna got few slow dances to still do Indie: he feelin lucky still & 😍😍😍😍 Indie: he gonna have to bounce heself in like a day Indie: gotta let him have this Rio: Fuck that Rio: you're my priority Rio: what you wanna do, forreal? Indie: idk Indie: but if we bounce drews killed the vibe & i aint want that for myself either Indie: ill track lo cos bros a walking party innit Indie: bound to make a change Indie: find me when you done riding your mans Rio: Yeah Rio: Alright then, sounds good to me Rio: In a few, bitch Indie: i love you Indie: serious Rio: I love you more Rio: Always have, always will Rio: This ain't gonna fuck with no thing, we on the up and up, still Indie: yeah u kno i aint tryna let this make me slip too Indie: thats his Rio: It alright if you do, I'm here to catch you Rio: we all are Indie: i got something in my eye now bitch Indie: 😭😭😭 Rio: No one will know, all the smoke that's about just reckon you wayyyy faded Indie: truuuuu Indie: but in this facepaint w this much 🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀 pride not a mood 👌👌 Rio: Soz about it 😏 Indie: speaking of Indie: ask mckenna if he gon lips me or what bitch i been waitin since he shown up Rio: 😲😣 Rio: the nerve to ask me that Indie: he looking daddy af & you kno it Indie: i got dem issues proven so Indie: come thru boyyy Rio: 😂 Rio: we gon' have issues if he come away with green lips thank you Rio: post up Indie: 😂😂😂😂 Indie: what can i say it b that posh knitwear 😍😍😍😍 Indie: who else b dressin like that cept his actual father Indie: im creased Rio: you want his ma after you too Rio: deathwish like you tryna go out on dem streets with a union jack on you Indie: nah she my girl now Indie: loves me real deep Rio: is it? Indie: now she aint catch me face deep in her fridge like Indie: the actual Indie: not some dirty type words there Indie: she b cold but i aint tryna say no thing about in the sheets Rio: 😂😂😂 Rio: you ain't the only one creased now Rio: fucking hell Indie: plot twist fam i be coming for other mckennas 🌈👑 & out here w her own ma Indie: soz bout it Rio: that'd be mad shaming Rio: no living that hypocrisy down, bea Indie: 😂😂😂😂 Indie: nah but girls aint do no thing for me like that Indie: they too soft Rio: Shame, such a soft butch dream, babe 😉 Indie: is it? Indie: that b how im friendzoned by my dream boy rn then Rio: 💔 Rio: gutting Indie: for him Indie: cos im 🔥🔥🔥 and he aint kno Rio: 🙌🙌🙌 Rio: that's my girl Indie: mayb he 🌈🌈🌈 omf u think? Rio: Could be Rio: idk how he living that hard myself but you know Indie: i gotta ask other mckenna how i can 👀 Indie: is junie still here too? Rio: I hope she's fun drunk so you don't get a rant Rio: nah, he left a while ago, I 👀 him sneaking out but it's a day for Irish goodbyes so let him live, like Indie: o Indie: ill run him a text rn Rio: i ever teach u how to be tactful or nah Rio: might need a mama moment 😏 Indie: wys Indie: i aint kno what that mean even Rio: it just means chillin' even when you hyped, 'cos the other person might not be, like Rio: he ain't livin' that pride life Rio: not 'bout being 🍀 like Indie: ooooooooooooo Indie: 👌👌👌👌 Indie: y tho? Rio: I don't know Rio: it's a process Rio: being comfortable with who you is Indie: how you gon b uncomfy w it Indie: lifes long Rio: plenty out there give u reasons why depending on who you is Rio: but it's just in you Rio: it's hard to explain when that ain't how you is but he is, always has been Indie: dash that Indie: poor baby boy Rio: I know Indie: ill just text him love Rio: you cute Indie: 💖💖💖💖 Indie: feelin it Rio: lookin' it Rio: 💘 Indie: shhh allow it Indie: nah man Rio: what you chattin' Rio: you beautiful Indie: not this nite bitch Rio: every night bitch Indie: hype girl vibes is it Indie: kkk Rio: shh i'm only a tiny bit drunk and feeling the luv Rio: also accidental racism come thru there Indie: o snap Indie: my bad Indie: not tryna dash you off that hard Rio: 😂 Rio: though if you ever need to Rio: like, cold but damn Indie: dont even play Indie: omf Rio: though so many whiteys in one place rn we could start a rally Indie: innit Indie: waste Rio: you're happy, aren't you indie Indie: bout what? Indie: what you mean? Rio: in general Rio: i mean Rio: you're okay, yeah Indie: idk baby im me in general Indie: just livin Rio: Hmm Indie: is you? Rio: Yeah Rio: I just want all of you to be too Indie: how you kno tho? Indie: whats the feelin? Rio: Happy? Indie: yeah how is it? Rio: it's like Rio: when you was a kid Rio: but you old enough to appreciate how good it is now Indie: so mckenna makes you feel like you lil Rio: no Rio: it's not like that, or that it's just him Rio: idk Indie: its like a good high or? Rio: not really Rio: it's like, no matter what shit is was or will be Rio: you still good Rio: nothing touches it Indie: yeah? Indie: thats a madness Indie: no wonder you two b amp af Rio: it's security Rio: i think Indie: thats wild Indie: how i b getting myself some of that shit like Rio: i'm no expert Rio: but i think u gotta know yourself, be comfy with it, know what you want and then be tryna get it Rio: and have good people 'round you who are solid too Rio: that's what i reckon anyway but who knows everything could go to shit and then this'll be awks Indie: nah you good Indie: like i said afore mckenna b cuffed now Indie: what i hear you sayin is i need a mans cos i kno myself & where i wanna get Indie: & i got heads all around Rio: hmm Rio: i don't remember saying that 😂 Indie: well i b sayin safe all the time but i aint b feelin no safety Indie: thats whats missin only from what you listin Indie: 🤔🤔🤔🤔 Rio: maybe it ain't as simple as i think then Rio: maybe if there's one wobbly brick, it all comes tumblin' down Rio: weakest link shit Indie: i feel that Rio: yeah Rio: i ain't know how to fix that Rio: i'm still happy Rio: most the time Indie: 💖💖💖👑👑💖💖 Indie: thats sick Indie: im hyped for you Rio: maybe i'm selfish then hmm Indie: naaah Indie: aint no thing wrong w feelin any type way Rio: but if you ain't and edie ain't and so many other people ain't Rio: then i shouldn't, like u can't 'cos of all this stuff Indie: me & edie too 🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀 to know how we is Rio: that ain't good either Rio: i should do more i'm being too easy on myself now Indie: dash that Indie: you doin the most for me Indie: all in Indie: & she aint tryna let anyone do anything you kno Rio: i should just do it Rio: not give her the option Rio: we all should Rio: she's just a kid Rio: a kid who don't know what's good for her rn Indie: now i kno you drunk babe Indie: how you gon achieve it? Indie: cant help heads that aint want it Rio: lock her in her room 'til she ready to be good Rio: i know you can't but Rio: we failed her Rio: period Indie: if you lookin for that room to be trashed go off Indie: it aint none of you that failed her Indie: you kno who it was Rio: he never even tried Rio: not once Indie: & thats how it aint matter what you do Indie: it aint bout you Indie: none of Rio: it's fucked up Rio: 'cos you from him you don't get to be happy? what the fuck is that Indie: life bitch Indie: we aint get to choose where we from Rio: nah Rio: nah, that's bullshit i ain't having it Indie: it aint yours to have or to carry thats what im sayin Rio: no, fuck that Rio: don't you get that's exactly what he'd say and how he's living Rio: oh my mum didn't love me and so this is how i am, end of Rio: no growth no change no nothing Rio: he didn't have to do it like that just 'cos Rio: he made choices and you can too, both of you Indie: he didnt have to do no thing but i cant make him behave like you cant her Indie: they gon do what they gon do Indie: shes making her choices rn based on how she viewin none of us can get in her 👀 and get shit untwisted if she aint want Rio: she isn't like him Rio: don't say it like she is Indie: how she not? Indie: she got everything & all she see is what she think she aint got Rio: she just ain't alright Rio: we ain't doing this rn Indie: she is tho Indie: where she now? gone like how he do running from what she has like he do Indie: it aint exactly how they want it so they aint want it Rio: i mean it Rio: stop Indie: you gonna law me now Indie: is that how we doin Rio: you don't know what you're talking about Rio: i don't wanna listen Indie: you wish i aint kno Indie: thats why you dont wanna hear Rio: you're saying all this like you reckon you're better Rio: you don't know Rio: he chose you Rio: you don't know what it's like to be her Indie: what i kno is i used to chat at myself every nite wishing your rents would keep me and she dashes them over so hard it breaks them Indie: what i kno is they chose her & got mad love and what his is better cos he was inside your ma for a few? nah Indie: what i kno is that he was backed into a corner over me cos my ma fucked died Indie: yours gotta b punished cos she was strong enough to do her job fuck that Indie: im better cos im here & im real bout and on all this Rio: you don't think she don't know that Rio: you don't think it's half the root of her fucking problem Rio: lucky edie and poor indie Rio: so just stop because this ain't nothing i don't know, her too Rio: it's already on her without you ever saying it Indie: you say that like she wearing it Indie: she aint Rio: you blame her Rio: she wants to be drew's kid as little as you do, you'd be an idiot to believe her when she says opposite Rio: there's no points for being real here, she's not stupid, she knows what's up and it's fucked, you've got your ways of coping, she's got hers Rio: neither fucking work, clearly Indie: she blames me for more than ill ever blame her for Indie: & she aint tryna be anybody or anybodys Rio: nah Rio: she feels sorry for you though and that don't sit right does it Rio: because you should be sharing on it together yeah? but that ain't ever gonna happen because he didn't once claim her so you don't get to be sisters Rio: she don't know how to be Indie: bitch so do you it just came right out your mouth then & there 👌👌 Indie: & nah that aint sit right w me cos i aint ask to be none of you or your fam charity Indie: but i dont need her to be my sister no more than i need him to step up for me in any type of way Indie: i made my peace Rio: bullshit Rio: just like you say you safe but you ain't you say that but it's a crock of shit Rio: at least she isn't pretending to be fine Indie: u aint heard me say im fine Indie: but am i ghosting nah Rio: you always say it Rio: bet you told Meena you were too Indie: if you thinkin you hearing that from me you aint listenin Indie: i aint being real w her how i am w you cos she aint need that Rio: Jesus fucking Christ Rio: and Edie don't wanna be anybody's Rio: she's your family, we're your family too Rio: she might not be here but you may as well not be the way you try and shrink yourself to not be part of the 'Drew' problem, no bother to no one Indie: if thats how you want it ill bounce too then Rio: did i say that Indie: you are w how youre coming for me rn Rio: you started it Indie: nah Indie: i aint come for you once this whole time Rio: you came for her Indie: she aint you Rio: she's my sister Rio: and she's not here to defend herself Indie: bitch me too Indie: & she wouldnt defend herself if she was Rio: i know Rio: and that doesn't matter Rio: i still have to Indie: you cant have it all ways either im fam and shes my sister too or im separate and i cant speak on it Indie: how you want it Rio: nah Rio: we don't speak on it don't act like you ain't noticed Rio: you don't call each other out that's not what we do Indie: then i aint trying to be w none of you Indie: cos thats bait Rio: Fine Indie: you call me out any time it suits you to do it Rio: bitch when Indie: when i got inked you had plenty to say about it Indie: & when i got dashed before then Rio: telling you your shit boyfriend is shit and you're making an idiot out of yourself is entirely different to coming for her life and her entire being Rio: if you can fix it you can say it Indie: theres plenty of shit that could have been said to her afore it got to this Indie: but nah just come for my life tonite stead like Rio: i done said we failed her Rio: you think i don't know Indie: i aint tryna tell you how you think Indie: or what you kno Rio: nah come on Rio: you had all the answers 5 seconds ago Indie: fuck that Indie: & you if thats how you wanna be Rio: whatever Indie: pretend like you aint got no more to say like how i pretend im fine 👌👌 Indie: its chill Rio: you ain't listening Rio: i'm not wasting breath Indie: bitch im here where you think i is Indie: if i aint listening i be out Rio: you ain't ready to learn then Indie: what you tryna school me in? Indie: all you tellin me is idk what i'm chattin Rio: because you don't Indie: what am i learnin from you that my heads empty? Indie: tell me what you want me to kno Rio: i already said everything i wanted to say 'cos i ain't faking it Rio: so forget it Indie: you callin me out again now Indie: or you just want me to kno how real you is Indie: like i gotta be scared of the flex now Rio: yeah, i'm calling you out Indie: idk how you think you can when i been real w you on all this Indie: but go off girl if you feelin it Rio: That isn't the point, this isn't about me and you Indie: it is when you dragging me for ways i aint livin Rio: bullshit Rio: i'm not going over and over this Indie: ?? Indie: i dont get what you want Rio: just forget it at this point Rio: this isn't productive and it isn't going to be Indie: why tho Rio: Because what, you're going to start asking for help and then what when we just let you down too Rio: There is no solution to all this so if acting fine helps then go for it Rio: There's no point you stopping Indie: i aint gonna ask for no help cos they aint none Indie: its how i told you its mine to carry Indie: i fix what i fix how i do Rio: what exactly are you fixing Indie: are you asking whats wrong or calling out my copin ways? Rio: i know what's wrong Indie: then how you gon say i pretend like im fine Rio: just because you're bad at it doesn't mean you don't Indie: 😂😂😂😂 Rio: yeah Indie: you got jokes still Indie: love that Rio: i told you to stop and i said we weren't doing this but now this is over Indie: make it happen if you want it to Rio: fine Indie: such a ma thing to say Rio: shut up Rio: jesus Indie: go Indie: its what you tryna do Rio: oh is it Rio: what we do best yeah Rio: so you get to be all holier than thou i don't think so Indie: you aint tryna speak to me Indie: so be brave & do what you wanna for real Rio: more chatting with no clue Rio: for fuck sake Indie: you so clued in yeah 👌👌 Indie: my bad for forgetting it like Rio: don't speak to me like that Indie: you only law me i dont law you Rio: yeah that's how it is Indie: i kno Indie: like how i kno that even when you b aware my heart hurts you care about hers more Rio: yeah yeah yeah Rio: why, 'cos we got the same ma? Rio: that don't matter to me Rio: it matters to you two Rio: but act like it's just her, go on Indie: no cos you wont let me fucking speak Indie: & mayb tonite i need to Indie: but you only care about defending her not hearing me Rio: go ahead Rio: you reckon slagging her off is gonna make you feel any better Rio: it won't Indie: you been told me there aint no solutions anyway so whats it matter how i choose Rio: because it hurts me and makes you look dumb Rio: that's why it matters Rio: this isn't about her, it never needed to be Rio: it's about him, as fucking per Indie: its about me Indie: jfc Rio: and what haven't you said then Rio: and how doesn't that prove my point Rio: i asked you what you wanted to do Rio: i said we could go Rio: but you went with the usual like that's what the situation calls for, let me carry on partying and you go get high and act like you ain't thinking on him Rio: as if I'm that fucking stupid and that fucking selfish, I'm here waiting on you Indie: i said idk & i dont Indie: stop Rio: Let's just go Indie: you go if you want but i cant Rio: Nah Rio: nah you don't get to do this Indie: ?? Indie: what i done now Rio: You have to come because you have to talk about this Indie: you aint tryna talk to me no more you been made that obvious Indie: so who you want me to chat to? mckenna? Rio: Fucking hell Rio: I want to talk to you properly Rio: not like this because you won't leave and deal with it like it's actually a big deal Rio: come on Indie: the only big deal is how you be thinking on me Indie: & i aint tryna talk to you bout that anymore than Rio: what are you talking about Indie: all you been doing this whole time is chatting at me bout everything i do wrong for fixing this shit Indie: but telling me you got no means Rio: no i haven't Indie: check back w yourself cos thats how it is, i pretend im fine, i get high, i chat shit thats all wrong Indie: but you aint got no right way for me Rio: how about stop Rio: your taking shit outta context and adding 'em together when that ain't how it was said Indie: its how it feels Rio: well that isn't what i meant Indie: you wanna compare me to her but im doin my best to keep my shit together same as Rio: i only made any comparisons to point out the hypocrisy Rio: there's no need to come for her, trust me, it won't bring you any joy Indie: theres no need but sometimes i wanna Rio: We all do Indie: dont you 👀 now why i cant leave Indie: i aint tryna have my nite end like this Rio: what good do you think's gonna come Indie: i aint need good just not this Indie: get high enough to wipe it out like it was never Rio: doesn't work Rio: i don't know why you want me to be fake with you like it does when i been there and know better Indie: it works for me Indie: it worked for my ma too Rio: if it worked for your ma she would've got off the shit 'cos she'd be off and over your da too Rio: no it fucking doesn't Indie: you say that like he was her only Indie: problems b stacked Rio: loving him was her main Rio: everything else was survivable, don't get that twisted Indie: he was survivable too Rio: you reckon Indie: im surviving him Indie: edie is Indie: astrid will Rio: surviving ain't thriving Indie: maybe i aint get to thrive Indie: maybe i got that twisted Rio: you got some choices to make Indie: not yet Rio: why not? Indie: cos i aint grown Indie: you always b telling me i kno you aint forgot Rio: you haven't got that luxury, that's what you got twisted Rio: with a dad like that, no Indie: what choices i got w my years Indie: gotta go school & rest my head where im told Indie: thats surviving bitch Rio: you gotta choose how you feel about him and how deep you letting it run Indie: i dont get to choose that Indie: dont you get it Indie: hes ruining everything & he aint even here Rio: there's always a choice Rio: you love him like your ma and ro do, he fucks your life up fully Rio: you hate him as much as edie, same Rio: you gotta be the bigger person than him already and fucking live and let live, actually make peace with this shit 'fore it gets you too Indie: nah cos i dont love him or hate him & shits still a mess Indie: idk how to stop it Rio: shit's never not going to be a mess Indie: idk how to make my peace w that Indie: not on a level thats for real Rio: that's what i can't tell you Rio: 'cos me either Indie: then how tf do i stop him ruining me Indie: cept get as close to not feelin anything as i can Indie: but youre telling me no to that Rio: i don't know Rio: feel nothing for him Rio: that's the best i've got Indie: thats how im tryna be Indie: idk what happy is but i kno what starting a day high feels like Indie: how possible it makes shit feel & how invincible i am to anything i dont want Rio: go get high thenIndie: where you @? Indie: lost u in the heads & smoke like Rio: I know, fucking madness ain't it Rio: never gets old Rio: What's up tho? Indie: get off mckenna for a few i need to chat Indie: 😏😏😂😂 Indie: dunno how to spit this Indie: imma just Indie: drews back in the pen lookin @ a fresh stretch Rio: Hush child 😜 Rio: Oh shit Rio: Really? Rio: Any day to get caught, like Rio: he must've been weighed tf down, man Rio: How you feeling on it, babe? Indie: innit tho Indie: vexed i didnt get my share for the feds hit him up Indie: but fr idk man Indie: he trying to play like he sorry & he wants to see my face if his gotta keep in there Rio: Hmm Rio: It's like, does he mean it or is it 'cos it's long in there, like Rio: Not trying to be a cunt genuinely questioning like we gonna get any sort of answer Indie: i told my auntie he sorry for heself only Indie: i feel that Indie: i not trying to 🤡 for him so the pen aint dry Indie: & he aint trying to see my sis face Indie: either of Rio: Yeah, ain't nobody trying to take a baby to prison, can you fucking imagine Rio: least of all Ro sat there like Rio: Jesus Rio: Well, you know I've got your back Rio: if he means it he'll bell you himself once he's in and knows wtf he's doing Rio: but I'm with you with as much as we know now, fuck that, some time away will do us all some good Indie: if former step ma stepped her foot in there shed be shook beyond belief Indie: no jokes Indie: it got me feelin some type of way bad tho like i willed it Indie: cos i wanted him gone from me & the younger Indie: but how long he gets depends she might not kno him lowkey ever Indie: ro aint want him around now she aint gon forgive & forget welcomin him back to the table once he jailbroke Rio: Init Rio: Might be the culture shock she needs but even I ain't gonna say she deserves, like Rio: Nah, dash that, serious Rio: it's always been a risk of how he's living, whether right or wrong, wanted or not, it's just facts Rio: they caught him slipping, nothing to do with how much he been slipping with you and that whole situation Rio: It ain't gonna be like that, system's a joke, yeah? Rio: Idk about that though but if he proper wants to see Astrid then there's ways to make that happen, just he's never put that level of effort in, ever Indie: im heavy w this Indie: aint trying to need this tonite of all nights Indie: gus & di already 👀 edie early Indie: 🚀🚀🚀 coming off Indie: mayb i gotta just bounce from here Rio: I know, babe Rio: you don't have to Rio: no one wants you to go Indie: i aint about wanting that but 💔💔💔💔 u kno Rio: if you gotta Rio: I get it Rio: but you don't need to stay gone, yeah Rio: like Edie doesn't Indie: idk where my boys are i cant be runnin these streets rn Indie: the feds are proper extra Indie: decision makes itself Rio: Yeah they gotta be out in full force Rio: it ain't safe for you to bounce alone, everyone's lairy Rio: We can go home if you want, night close to over neway? Indie: naaaaah you and mckenna got few slow dances to still do Indie: he feelin lucky still & 😍😍😍😍 Indie: he gonna have to bounce heself in like a day Indie: gotta let him have this Rio: Fuck that Rio: you're my priority Rio: what you wanna do, forreal? Indie: idk Indie: but if we bounce drews killed the vibe & i aint want that for myself either Indie: ill track lo cos bros a walking party innit Indie: bound to make a change Indie: find me when you done riding your mans Rio: Yeah Rio: Alright then, sounds good to me Rio: In a few, bitch Indie: i love you Indie: serious Rio: I love you more Rio: Always have, always will Rio: This ain't gonna fuck with no thing, we on the up and up, still Indie: yeah u kno i aint tryna let this make me slip too Indie: thats his Rio: It alright if you do, I'm here to catch you Rio: we all are Indie: i got something in my eye now bitch Indie: 😭😭😭 Rio: No one will know, all the smoke that's about just reckon you wayyyy faded Indie: truuuuu Indie: but in this facepaint w this much 🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀 pride not a mood 👌👌 Rio: Soz about it 😏 Indie: speaking of Indie: ask mckenna if he gon lips me or what bitch i been waitin since he shown up Rio: 😲😣 Rio: the nerve to ask me that Indie: he looking daddy af & you kno it Indie: i got dem issues proven so Indie: come thru boyyy Rio: 😂 Rio: we gon' have issues if he come away with green lips thank you Rio: post up Indie: 😂😂😂😂 Indie: what can i say it b that posh knitwear 😍😍😍😍 Indie: who else b dressin like that cept his actual father Indie: im creased Rio: you want his ma after you too Rio: deathwish like you tryna go out on dem streets with a union jack on you Indie: nah she my girl now Indie: loves me real deep Rio: is it? Indie: now she aint catch me face deep in her fridge like Indie: the actual Indie: not some dirty type words there Indie: she b cold but i aint tryna say no thing about in the sheets Rio: 😂😂😂 Rio: you ain't the only one creased now Rio: fucking hell Indie: plot twist fam i be coming for other mckennas 🌈👑 & out here w her own ma Indie: soz bout it Rio: that'd be mad shaming Rio: no living that hypocrisy down, bea Indie: 😂😂😂😂 Indie: nah but girls aint do no thing for me like that Indie: they too soft Rio: Shame, such a soft butch dream, babe 😉 Indie: is it? Indie: that b how im friendzoned by my dream boy rn then Rio: 💔 Rio: gutting Indie: for him Indie: cos im 🔥🔥🔥 and he aint kno Rio: 🙌🙌🙌 Rio: that's my girl Indie: mayb he 🌈🌈🌈 omf u think? Rio: Could be Rio: idk how he living that hard myself but you know Indie: i gotta ask other mckenna how i can 👀 Indie: is junie still here too? Rio: I hope she's fun drunk so you don't get a rant Rio: nah, he left a while ago, I 👀 him sneaking out but it's a day for Irish goodbyes so let him live, like Indie: o Indie: ill run him a text rn Rio: i ever teach u how to be tactful or nah Rio: might need a mama moment 😏 Indie: wys Indie: i aint kno what that mean even Rio: it just means chillin' even when you hyped, 'cos the other person might not be, like Rio: he ain't livin' that pride life Rio: not 'bout being 🍀 like Indie: ooooooooooooo Indie: 👌👌👌👌 Indie: y tho? Rio: I don't know Rio: it's a process Rio: being comfortable with who you is Indie: how you gon b uncomfy w it Indie: lifes long Rio: plenty out there give u reasons why depending on who you is Rio: but it's just in you Rio: it's hard to explain when that ain't how you is but he is, always has been Indie: dash that Indie: poor baby boy Rio: I know Indie: ill just text him love Rio: you cute Indie: 💖💖💖💖 Indie: feelin it Rio: lookin' it Rio: 💘 Indie: shhh allow it Indie: nah man Rio: what you chattin' Rio: you beautiful Indie: not this nite bitch Rio: every night bitch Indie: hype girl vibes is it Indie: kkk Rio: shh i'm only a tiny bit drunk and feeling the luv Rio: also accidental racism come thru there Indie: o snap Indie: my bad Indie: not tryna dash you off that hard Rio: 😂 Rio: though if you ever need to Rio: like, cold but damn Indie: dont even play Indie: omf Rio: though so many whiteys in one place rn we could start a rally Indie: innit Indie: waste Rio: you're happy, aren't you indie Indie: bout what? Indie: what you mean? Rio: in general Rio: i mean Rio: you're okay, yeah Indie: idk baby im me in general Indie: just livin Rio: Hmm Indie: is you? Rio: Yeah Rio: I just want all of you to be too Indie: how you kno tho? Indie: whats the feelin? Rio: Happy? Indie: yeah how is it? Rio: it's like Rio: when you was a kid Rio: but you old enough to appreciate how good it is now Indie: so mckenna makes you feel like you lil Rio: no Rio: it's not like that, or that it's just him Rio: idk Indie: its like a good high or? Rio: not really Rio: it's like, no matter what shit is was or will be Rio: you still good Rio: nothing touches it Indie: yeah? Indie: thats a madness Indie: no wonder you two b amp af Rio: it's security Rio: i think Indie: thats wild Indie: how i b getting myself some of that shit like Rio: i'm no expert Rio: but i think u gotta know yourself, be comfy with it, know what you want and then be tryna get it Rio: and have good people 'round you who are solid too Rio: that's what i reckon anyway but who knows everything could go to shit and then this'll be awks Indie: nah you good Indie: like i said afore mckenna b cuffed now Indie: what i hear you sayin is i need a mans cos i kno myself & where i wanna get Indie: & i got heads all around Rio: hmm Rio: i don't remember saying that 😂 Indie: well i b sayin safe all the time but i aint b feelin no safety Indie: thats whats missin only from what you listin Indie: 🤔🤔🤔🤔 Rio: maybe it ain't as simple as i think then Rio: maybe if there's one wobbly brick, it all comes tumblin' down Rio: weakest link shit Indie: i feel that Rio: yeah Rio: i ain't know how to fix that Rio: i'm still happy Rio: most the time Indie: 💖💖💖👑👑💖💖 Indie: thats sick Indie: im hyped for you Rio: maybe i'm selfish then hmm Indie: naaah Indie: aint no thing wrong w feelin any type way Rio: but if you ain't and edie ain't and so many other people ain't Rio: then i shouldn't, like u can't 'cos of all this stuff Indie: me & edie too 🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀 to know how we is Rio: that ain't good either Rio: i should do more i'm being too easy on myself now Indie: dash that Indie: you doin the most for me Indie: all in Indie: & she aint tryna let anyone do anything you kno Rio: i should just do it Rio: not give her the option Rio: we all should Rio: she's just a kid Rio: a kid who don't know what's good for her rn Indie: now i kno you drunk babe Indie: how you gon achieve it? Indie: cant help heads that aint want it Rio: lock her in her room 'til she ready to be good Rio: i know you can't but Rio: we failed her Rio: period Indie: if you lookin for that room to be trashed go off Indie: it aint none of you that failed her Indie: you kno who it was Rio: he never even tried Rio: not once Indie: & thats how it aint matter what you do Indie: it aint bout you Indie: none of Rio: it's fucked up Rio: 'cos you from him you don't get to be happy? what the fuck is that Indie: life bitch Indie: we aint get to choose where we from Rio: nah Rio: nah, that's bullshit i ain't having it Indie: it aint yours to have or to carry thats what im sayin Rio: no, fuck that Rio: don't you get that's exactly what he'd say and how he's living Rio: oh my mum didn't love me and so this is how i am, end of Rio: no growth no change no nothing Rio: he didn't have to do it like that just 'cos Rio: he made choices and you can too, both of you Indie: he didnt have to do no thing but i cant make him behave like you cant her Indie: they gon do what they gon do Indie: shes making her choices rn based on how she viewin none of us can get in her 👀 and get shit untwisted if she aint want Rio: she isn't like him Rio: don't say it like she is Indie: how she not? Indie: she got everything & all she see is what she think she aint got Rio: she just ain't alright Rio: we ain't doing this rn Indie: she is tho Indie: where she now? gone like how he do running from what she has like he do Indie: it aint exactly how they want it so they aint want it Rio: i mean it Rio: stop Indie: you gonna law me now Indie: is that how we doin Rio: you don't know what you're talking about Rio: i don't wanna listen Indie: you wish i aint kno Indie: thats why you dont wanna hear Rio: you're saying all this like you reckon you're better Rio: you don't know Rio: he chose you Rio: you don't know what it's like to be her Indie: what i kno is i used to chat at myself every nite wishing your rents would keep me and she dashes them over so hard it breaks them Indie: what i kno is they chose her & got mad love and what his is better cos he was inside your ma for a few? nah Indie: what i kno is that he was backed into a corner over me cos my ma fucked died Indie: yours gotta b punished cos she was strong enough to do her job fuck that Indie: im better cos im here & im real bout and on all this Rio: you don't think she don't know that Rio: you don't think it's half the root of her fucking problem Rio: lucky edie and poor indie Rio: so just stop because this ain't nothing i don't know, her too Rio: it's already on her without you ever saying it Indie: you say that like she wearing it Indie: she aint Rio: you blame her Rio: she wants to be drew's kid as little as you do, you'd be an idiot to believe her when she says opposite Rio: there's no points for being real here, she's not stupid, she knows what's up and it's fucked, you've got your ways of coping, she's got hers Rio: neither fucking work, clearly Indie: she blames me for more than ill ever blame her for Indie: & she aint tryna be anybody or anybodys Rio: nah Rio: she feels sorry for you though and that don't sit right does it Rio: because you should be sharing on it together yeah? but that ain't ever gonna happen because he didn't once claim her so you don't get to be sisters Rio: she don't know how to be Indie: bitch so do you it just came right out your mouth then & there 👌👌 Indie: & nah that aint sit right w me cos i aint ask to be none of you or your fam charity Indie: but i dont need her to be my sister no more than i need him to step up for me in any type of way Indie: i made my peace Rio: bullshit Rio: just like you say you safe but you ain't you say that but it's a crock of shit Rio: at least she isn't pretending to be fine Indie: u aint heard me say im fine Indie: but am i ghosting nah Rio: you always say it Rio: bet you told Meena you were too Indie: if you thinkin you hearing that from me you aint listenin Indie: i aint being real w her how i am w you cos she aint need that Rio: Jesus fucking Christ Rio: and Edie don't wanna be anybody's Rio: she's your family, we're your family too Rio: she might not be here but you may as well not be the way you try and shrink yourself to not be part of the 'Drew' problem, no bother to no one Indie: if thats how you want it ill bounce too then Rio: did i say that Indie: you are w how youre coming for me rn Rio: you started it Indie: nah Indie: i aint come for you once this whole time Rio: you came for her Indie: she aint you Rio: she's my sister Rio: and she's not here to defend herself Indie: bitch me too Indie: & she wouldnt defend herself if she was Rio: i know Rio: and that doesn't matter Rio: i still have to Indie: you cant have it all ways either im fam and shes my sister too or im separate and i cant speak on it Indie: how you want it Rio: nah Rio: we don't speak on it don't act like you ain't noticed Rio: you don't call each other out that's not what we do Indie: then i aint trying to be w none of you Indie: cos thats bait Rio: Fine Indie: you call me out any time it suits you to do it Rio: bitch when Indie: when i got inked you had plenty to say about it Indie: & when i got dashed before then Rio: telling you your shit boyfriend is shit and you're making an idiot out of yourself is entirely different to coming for her life and her entire being Rio: if you can fix it you can say it Indie: theres plenty of shit that could have been said to her afore it got to this Indie: but nah just come for my life tonite stead like Rio: i done said we failed her Rio: you think i don't know Indie: i aint tryna tell you how you think Indie: or what you kno Rio: nah come on Rio: you had all the answers 5 seconds ago Indie: fuck that Indie: & you if thats how you wanna be Rio: whatever Indie: pretend like you aint got no more to say like how i pretend im fine 👌👌 Indie: its chill Rio: you ain't listening Rio: i'm not wasting breath Indie: bitch im here where you think i is Indie: if i aint listening i be out Rio: you ain't ready to learn then Indie: what you tryna school me in? Indie: all you tellin me is idk what i'm chattin Rio: because you don't Indie: what am i learnin from you that my heads empty? Indie: tell me what you want me to kno Rio: i already said everything i wanted to say 'cos i ain't faking it Rio: so forget it Indie: you callin me out again now Indie: or you just want me to kno how real you is Indie: like i gotta be scared of the flex now Rio: yeah, i'm calling you out Indie: idk how you think you can when i been real w you on all this Indie: but go off girl if you feelin it Rio: That isn't the point, this isn't about me and you Indie: it is when you dragging me for ways i aint livin Rio: bullshit Rio: i'm not going over and over this Indie: ?? Indie: i dont get what you want Rio: just forget it at this point Rio: this isn't productive and it isn't going to be Indie: why tho Rio: Because what, you're going to start asking for help and then what when we just let you down too Rio: There is no solution to all this so if acting fine helps then go for it Rio: There's no point you stopping Indie: i aint gonna ask for no help cos they aint none Indie: its how i told you its mine to carry Indie: i fix what i fix how i do Rio: what exactly are you fixing Indie: are you asking whats wrong or calling out my copin ways? Rio: i know what's wrong Indie: then how you gon say i pretend like im fine Rio: just because you're bad at it doesn't mean you don't Indie: 😂😂😂😂 Rio: yeah Indie: you got jokes still Indie: love that Rio: i told you to stop and i said we weren't doing this but now this is over Indie: make it happen if you want it to Rio: fine Indie: such a ma thing to say Rio: shut up Rio: jesus Indie: go Indie: its what you tryna do Rio: oh is it Rio: what we do best yeah Rio: so you get to be all holier than thou i don't think so Indie: you aint tryna speak to me Indie: so be brave & do what you wanna for real Rio: more chatting with no clue Rio: for fuck sake Indie: you so clued in yeah 👌👌 Indie: my bad for forgetting it like Rio: don't speak to me like that Indie: you only law me i dont law you Rio: yeah that's how it is Indie: i kno Indie: like how i kno that even when you b aware my heart hurts you care about hers more Rio: yeah yeah yeah Rio: why, 'cos we got the same ma? Rio: that don't matter to me Rio: it matters to you two Rio: but act like it's just her, go on Indie: no cos you wont let me fucking speak Indie: & mayb tonite i need to Indie: but you only care about defending her not hearing me Rio: go ahead Rio: you reckon slagging her off is gonna make you feel any better Rio: it won't Indie: you been told me there aint no solutions anyway so whats it matter how i choose Rio: because it hurts me and makes you look dumb Rio: that's why it matters Rio: this isn't about her, it never needed to be Rio: it's about him, as fucking per Indie: its about me Indie: jfc Rio: and what haven't you said then Rio: and how doesn't that prove my point Rio: i asked you what you wanted to do Rio: i said we could go Rio: but you went with the usual like that's what the situation calls for, let me carry on partying and you go get high and act like you ain't thinking on him Rio: as if I'm that fucking stupid and that fucking selfish, I'm here waiting on you Indie: i said idk & i dont Indie: stop Rio: Let's just go Indie: you go if you want but i cant Rio: Nah Rio: nah you don't get to do this Indie: ?? Indie: what i done now Rio: You have to come because you have to talk about this Indie: you aint tryna talk to me no more you been made that obvious Indie: so who you want me to chat to? mckenna? Rio: Fucking hell Rio: I want to talk to you properly Rio: not like this because you won't leave and deal with it like it's actually a big deal Rio: come on Indie: the only big deal is how you be thinking on me Indie: & i aint tryna talk to you bout that anymore than Rio: what are you talking about Indie: all you been doing this whole time is chatting at me bout everything i do wrong for fixing this shit Indie: but telling me you got no means Rio: no i haven't Indie: check back w yourself cos thats how it is, i pretend im fine, i get high, i chat shit thats all wrong Indie: but you aint got no right way for me Rio: how about stop Rio: your taking shit outta context and adding 'em together when that ain't how it was said Indie: its how it feels Rio: well that isn't what i meant Indie: you wanna compare me to her but im doin my best to keep my shit together same as Rio: i only made any comparisons to point out the hypocrisy Rio: there's no need to come for her, trust me, it won't bring you any joy Indie: theres no need but sometimes i wanna Rio: We all do Indie: dont you 👀 now why i cant leave Indie: i aint tryna have my nite end like this Rio: what good do you think's gonna come Indie: i aint need good just not this Indie: get high enough to wipe it out like it was never Rio: doesn't work Rio: i don't know why you want me to be fake with you like it does when i been there and know better Indie: it works for me Indie: it worked for my ma too Rio: if it worked for your ma she would've got off the shit 'cos she'd be off and over your da too Rio: no it fucking doesn't Indie: you say that like he was her only Indie: problems b stacked Rio: loving him was her main Rio: everything else was survivable, don't get that twisted Indie: he was survivable too Rio: you reckon Indie: im surviving him Indie: edie is Indie: astrid will Rio: surviving ain't thriving Indie: maybe i aint get to thrive Indie: maybe i got that twisted Rio: you got some choices to make Indie: not yet Rio: why not? Indie: cos i aint grown Indie: you always b telling me i kno you aint forgot Rio: you haven't got that luxury, that's what you got twisted Rio: with a dad like that, no Indie: what choices i got w my years Indie: gotta go school & rest my head where im told Indie: thats surviving bitch Rio: you gotta choose how you feel about him and how deep you letting it run Indie: i dont get to choose that Indie: dont you get it Indie: hes ruining everything & he aint even here Rio: there's always a choice Rio: you love him like your ma and ro do, he fucks your life up fully Rio: you hate him as much as edie, same Rio: you gotta be the bigger person than him already and fucking live and let live, actually make peace with this shit 'fore it gets you too Indie: nah cos i dont love him or hate him & shits still a mess Indie: idk how to stop it Rio: shit's never not going to be a mess Indie: idk how to make my peace w that Indie: not on a level thats for real Rio: that's what i can't tell you Rio: 'cos me either Indie: then how tf do i stop him ruining me Indie: cept get as close to not feelin anything as i can Indie: but youre telling me no to that Rio: i don't know Rio: feel nothing for him Rio: that's the best i've got Indie: thats how im tryna be Indie: idk what happy is but i kno what starting a day high feels like Indie: how possible it makes shit feel & how invincible i am to anything i dont want Rio: go get high then Indie: but youll leave Rio: I ain't trying be that, that's not how it is for me Indie: i love you Indie: tell me how it should be Rio: I love you too Rio: I just meant I'm not going to sit around and get high with you too, I can't Rio: you've got your friends for that Rio: I'll be at home Indie: dont go without me Indie: ill come with Indie: i meant how i said i aint tryna go looking for them Rio: Okay Rio: come on then Indie: is mckenna gonna be vexed at me now too Rio: i'm not Rio: first of all Rio: and why would he be Indie: cos i want you to stay w me Rio: no, he'll get it Rio: i'm not with him anyway, i told you, i've been waiting for you, no sense him too Rio: probably go home with his da Indie: but he aint here for long Indie: im not tryna do you like that serious Rio: trust me, it's fine Rio: let me worry about him as and when Indie: ok Indie: im sorry for how i chatted Indie: doin you & edie dirty Rio: I'm sorry too, things got heated and potentially things were said that shouldn't, or at least said in unhelpful ways Rio: I just want good things for you, I just want you to be alright Rio: both of you, equally as much Indie: i kno Indie: & trust my head & heart wont b this rinsed always Indie: its just Rio: it literally just happened, it's still sinking in if at all Rio: no matter how many times, you were too young on a lot of 'em to feel it how you do now Rio: not dissing Meena on how she did it either but idk, not tonight Indie: i really thought on him stepping up for astrid Indie: thats so chief of me but Indie: & i was so high when she told me Rio: I know Rio: I thought he might too but Rio: just say he didn't have the chance now yeah Rio: like how he didn't with Edie 'cos Ma wouldn't be with him Rio: whatever Rio: and I'm drunk, we need to go to bed Rio: it'll be there in the morning Indie: youll be there too yeah no drunk rollin out the bed like Rio: of course Rio: i might need to throw up and lay on the tiles for a bit but i'm an adult, you'll never even clock Indie: imma join cos can we all stop acting that guinness aint filth Indie: what mckenna on bout man Indie: he aint even from here Rio: 😂 Rio: it's so heavy, barely ate 'cos I feel like I been feasting all day Rio: really helps with getting you pished faster, nicely played Guinness Indie: it taste how when i was little & watchin your ma fix her truck & put this old spanner in my mouth Rio: So legit Rio: Be the iron Rio: should get Ro on 'em forreal Indie: put her on a drip Indie: proper drs orders soz step ma Indie: pint in the vein Rio: Imagine mainlining booze Rio: people would, especially today, no fucking chill Indie: unhectic Indie: nah ty Indie: but yeah even my 🐶 be on his feral hype rn jam baby boy Rio: He too lil, that carling did him in Indie: who tf Indie: he needs zzzzzzzzzzzs too Indie: mckenna be shit dog daddy Rio: just don't take away the dog part of that Rio: he'd be gutted Indie: just dont let him put a 👶 in you Indie: im savin you tonite but aint be there all time Rio: Behave Rio: I won't Indie: we all 👀 him holding my younger like she 💣 Indie: never done seen a boy so scared Rio: he got reasons Rio: nah no Rio: dash that Indie: wys Indie: cos his younger? Rio: yeah Indie: how old would he be? its a madness Rio: Like... Rio: God Rio: 8? Rio: Bit younger than Gus Indie: he'd be running w him & di Rio: Yeah Rio: Now I wanna cry all over again Indie: soz Indie: i love dem boys tho Indie: how would he be lookin? mckenna & other mckenna are so different for twins like Rio: init Rio: god knows Rio: cute tho Indie: frecks for days i reckon Indie: their das skipped em Rio: awh Indie: like di but not as cute cos u kno Indie: he 😍😍😍 Rio: yeah he a babe Rio: changed my mind want a baby broody now Indie: i aint tryna see the footage of me he got today tho wildin Indie: i wanna have so many 👶👶👶👶👶 Indie: but in years Rio: he a menace with that 📹 Rio: but he does know angles so 🤞 Rio: years and years and years, don't need to repeat ma Indie: he gon be somebody w dem skillz Indie: yeah man i wanna be 👵 af fore i start Indie: like ro Rio: i don't wanna be that old Rio: how i gonna be a MILF then Indie: u kno catch me @ 25 Indie: i aint got chill Indie: & you a milf now bitch hello Rio: you know i ain't but i'll have to live vicariously probs Rio: 😘 ty Indie: mckenna will step up to b a real daddy you all good Rio: it makes it too real Rio: stick with my imaginary dream baby daddy Indie: you got a 💎💍💎 girl how fake is it Indie: mhmmm tho who he be? 😏😏😏😏 Rio: this diamond be so real bitch Rio: wys Indie: lemme bite it Indie: nah thats porcelain yeah Indie: idk Indie: gold? Indie: its something Rio: 😂 child you feral Rio: stay away from my hand and my bling Indie: rude Indie: speaking on imma start climbin if i cant get thru these heads towards you soon Indie: dont get the wrong idea lads Rio: it's literally ridiculous Rio: can't see a damn thing but buster n his da 'cos they freaky giants, head for them like they a landmark bitch Indie: ive shouted well much native 👅 & these wasteman aint tryna no none Indie: fake 🍀 three times removed or what boyyys Rio: that's the real tea Rio: yanks be out here with their st pattys like bitch no Indie: gingers too Indie: it aint make you one of us cos you 🥕 Indie: if you repin you repin Rio: @Nance next time babe Indie: ill say it in irish she aint kno Indie: posh girl Rio: 😶 savage Rio: omg Indie: she wearin the colours but she aint got her mouth round them sounds soz bout it Indie: my ma aint kno none either tho what a madness Rio: s'a dying language babe, loads natives don't even Indie: hacks Indie: we can say how we want Rio: imma text granddad and be like put on danny boy Rio: get 'em emosh, be easier to get out Indie: 👑👑👑 moves Indie: til i get something in my eye again & cant find my way out Rio: you don't work in pubs long as i did without knowing how to calm a crowd babe Indie: innit tho Rio: ooh, I see you Rio: swerve them or imma have to explain Indie: 👀 & 👂s baby Indie: ✌✌✌✌

[agatha-abstinent]

Tag 753 / Rising is a process

Not an event. Like recovery. I'm growing, I'm rising, I'm in recovery. A recovering alcoholic. My recovery will never be completed. I am an alcoholic and I will always be.

Cycling from Mitte to Neukölln today took me around twice as much time as it would take other people. Twice as much time as google predicted. But I didn't give up. Side streets, cobbled pavement, ascending slopes. On my road of recovery I may be one of the alcoholics needing more time. More time to tidy up the flat, more time to get back to work, more time to open myself for close relationships. But I keep going. I keep cycling. This is my path of sobriety and no one else's. There is no shortcut for me out there.

Sometimes I find myself crying in front of other recovering alcoholics just like today. Shame, dissatisfaction, burden. With two years sober I wanted to be somewhere else, to have a tidy flat, to live in a happy relationship, to be back at work. The others profit from my tears. From my honesty.

Und weiter reicht's nicht mit meinem Englisch. Und eigentlich reicht's noch nicht mal fehlerfrei bis hierhin. Als ich noch arbeitete, nutzte ich mein Englisch quasi täglich. Jetzt bin ich aber raus seit drei Jahren aus der Berufstätigkeit. Und vielleicht komme ich wieder rein. Wird sich zeigen dann ab Mai, Juni, Juli, wohin "Grow." und RISE mich führt. Welche Seitenstraßen warten, von denen andere noch nie was gehört haben. Ob der Weg holprig oder leicht zu gehen ist. Wie steil die Steigung sein wird, wie stark der Gegenwind. Die Alten, die jahrzehntelang Trockenen profitieren von meinen Tränen, weil sie erinnert werden, dass nicht nur die ersten Tage und Wochen und Monate des nüchternen Lebens, auch die ersten Jahre schwerer sind als die danach. Die wollen da nicht wieder hin an den Anfang. Und ich will da hin, wo die sind. Wo man die Tür öffnet und überraschenden Besuch hereinbittet, weil zu Hause alles in Ordnung ist.

Und wenn ich mein Jetzt mit den 12 Versprechen von AA abgleiche, die mir im vorgelesenen Text heute wieder begegneten, dann hat sich schon so viel erfüllt, viel mehr als ich mir vorstellen konnte zu Beginn.

/

Seu Jorge O Astronauta de Mármore https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ykghg4E9nzw

/

"If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. We will in­tuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves. Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us - sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them." AA Big Book, Chapter 6

[wtfjuliyn]

i made this gremlin but what do i name him

very dangerous. handle with care. much worse than tootsie.

[wtfjuliyn]

hear me out

[wtfjuliyn]

im honestly surprised no one has drawn isaac as the thumbnail cover of toxic gossip train.

[wtfjuliyn]

yall hmu if yall do im tired of losing this little demon again bruh

[wtfjuliyn]

guys be fr. i didn't like. remove all of his cuteness right

[wtfjuliyn]

isaac the mii