#just a silly video for my silly alien show

[miniastrophysicist]

Show: Roswell, New Mexico 

Song: E.T. by Katy Perry 

Relationships: Focuses on Echo, Malex, and Kybel, but includes nearly all pairings from the show. If they kiss an alien they are in here.

[filthgarbage86]

I JUST HAD A THOUGHT

Okay so think about it; I’m sure Eddie doesn’t hang out with a ton of girls, not on purpose, he just mainly hangs out with the hellfire club and his band members.

Then you show up

And you fit right in with everyone. It’s so easy to talk to you since you both have similar interests and you’re very chill about everything. Sure you get excited and into the game play but overall you just like to hang and talk about similar interests! You hang out, listen to music and what not. He loves spending time with you, he feels so relaxed around you.

Maybe a little too relaxed. You don’t mind of course because you know, Eddie is just your friend. He’s made that painfully clear that he just sees you as another one of his guy friends, which is fine.

Then one day, he’s walking around town and he sees you in the video rental store talking to Robin. You guys are going crazy over something and he realizes you’re giggling and there’s something else… he can’t put his finger on it but he knows he’s blushing. He better go say hi and see what’s so funny.

He walks in and Robin greets him half assed as soon as she recognizes who it is and gives him a witty one liner.

“Whatcha guys talking about?”

“Oh Robin was just telling me about the new Tom Cruise movie that just came out. Apparently Nancy is reeeaaalllyyyy into him but he’s not really my type”

He stands there a bit dumbfounded

“You’re… you’re talking about.. Tom cruise? And your type?”

“It sounds silly but Robin says it’s a good movie! Maybe I’ll have to watch and see what Nancy sees in him” you and Robin both laugh at the thought a little bit

Eddie is just staring at you, realizing he’s caught you talking to your friend.. about boys. and he would have this ridiculous epiphany. “You really are a girl”

You stiffen a bit and it doesn’t go unnoticed “Uhh yeah… last time I checked Ed, what have I been this whole time? An alien?” You’re not dumb, again, you know exactly how Eddie saw you but this just drove the knife a bit deeper.

“No that’s not- I didn’t mean- no I just-“

Robin let’s out an exhausted sigh “look dorky ozwad, just because she plays dnd with you and goes to concerts and knows how to hang doesn’t make her any less of a girl. It’s the 80s dude, girls can like fantasy and metal just as much as they like romance”

Eddie stands there dumbfounded, he’d feel like an idiot. He knows it shouldn’t matter and to him it still doesn’t. He just never realized how “bro-y” he had been towards you. And it makes him feel silly. Now everything makes sense as to why he always likes to watch you smile and laugh (he’d do anything to make you laugh) or why he always wants to hang out with you. He likes you. More than just a friend, and not even just because you’re a girl- because you’re YOU. He just forgot that sometimes to get the girl, you have to treat her with a bit more rizz than he would a guy friend.

He’d be standing there an awful long time and your also standing there in silence, blushing profusely at everything that just unfolded. Of course you told Robin about feeling just like another one of his friends which would have been FINE with you.. but it wasn’t really. You wanted him to look at you differently, not entirely, but just enough to see you in a different light.

After that day he does. He notices the way you greet everyone with a bit of a pep to your step. How you always make sure you have a good outfit, even when you’re just lazing about. You always are prepared for every situation, and most of all, he notices every kindness you share to those around you. You’re sweet, you’re nice, and you’re so pretty it’s ridiculous. He’s been so blind this whole time because on top of all that, you go into battle every week during hellfire with no mercy. You go to metal concerts and are in the middle of most mosh pits. You are able to stand your ground in any argument big or small, and you can out do any of the guys in any random prank or dare.

You are perfect to him. He knows this. Now he has to figure out how to make sure YOU know he thinks you’re perfect.

He has no IDEA where to start

“I NEED ADVICE” as he slams the doors to the video rental place, to see not only Robin but also Steve. Perfect.

“Whoa dude okay are you finally ready to listen to other things besides screaming for 10 minutes?”

“For the last time, it is music, and no that’s not what I’m here for” he’d look at Robin and she’d smirk “ahh.. you’re finally here for lady advice I see”

“Lady advice? You? Who’s the lucky gal? Is it y/n? Took you long enough-

“I KNOW I know but I don’t know what to do.”

“Just you know.. treat her like a girl

Robin elbows him “dude, come on, what era are you two from? different wording. Treat her like she’s special. Treat her like you would do anything to make her happy”

“I would do that, but I don’t know HOW that’s why I’m here”

Robin groans “look, you guys hang out ALL the time, SURELY you’ve noticed SOMETHING she wants a guy to do for her”

something a guy could do for her…

—————————————————————

The next morning you’d be making your way to your locker when you notice Eddie is already there.

With his hair pulled back into a low messy bun. And he’s wearing a button up. And he looks like he’s either going to freak any second or faint in the process.

“Good morning Eddie. What’s with the get up? I’ve NEVER seen you this formal… are you wearing cologne?”

“Haha yeah uh- um- I am. I was trying to smell nice compared to the normal weed, beer, and cornflakes-“

“I like your normal smell”

“What? No that’s not- we’ll come back to that” You’ve been there all of 10 seconds and he’d already be flushed. you giggle and only just realize then that he’s holding something behind his back. He pulls out a bouquet of flowers, beautiful and bright

You feel so bad for trying not to laugh. He notices immediately and starts to regret everything. Of course you wouldn’t like this, or him. He puts them away but you’d grab his arm back out and take the flowers, still giggling to yourself

“I’m sorry, sorry, I’m being so incredibly rude. This is VERY sweet of you, but this is SO out of character for you. What’s going on?”

“Well you know.. after the other day with Robin I realized I’ve never really shown you.. how.. I feel about you? And like sure we play dnd together and you come to my concerts and we are together all the time because I love being around you but you.. deserve to be treated like you’re special. Because you are.. to me..”

He wishes the ground could swallow him whole

You look at him with those gentle eyes and you look back at this bouquet he’s brought you and you just smile so big. “Well.. you certainly have made me feel special right now. But next time, just know you do not have to dress up like a job-monkey. I think your jacket is hot enough”

He lights up “really? You like my jacket?”

“Duh. I like everything about you, even the nasty things, and believe me you’ve got those. But I like that you treat me like me. Like a person. Not just a playtoy or separate species. I will admit though, it would be nice if you held my hand or showed any kind of affection”

He’s looking at you dumbfounded. You’d just take it as your cue to grab his hand and start walking towards your English class together. You stop by his locker though so he can change and eventually the two of you are just as you were, but a little bit more. He gets more comfortable with you and eventually everything works out as you planned it- after all, flirting with boys especially Eddie isn’t rocket science.

[hyper-pixels]

Analog Horror List

Analog horror is uniquely known for its low quality and low visual styles. Or VHS style. They can widely range to a found footage or a visual guide style formatting.

Here are some noted ones:

These videos can contain disturbing content, as well as content that can induce a epileptic seizure if you choose to watch any of them.

2h32: A series of videos that are all two minutes and thirty-two seconds long.

Backrooms - The Otherside: A found footage of the back rooms.

Basswood County: Humanoid creatures that kill humans.

Cave Crawler: A video game (no commentary) about a special remote controlled bot meant to look for missing people (or bodies) in caves.

Chezzkids Archives: An archive of games from a website called Chezzkids. The developer went missing and her photos are showing up in the game. May need to have an episode explain it (this one by Minaxa did it well) as there are clues outside of the videos as well.

Cloud Observation: A short observation video on a cloud that seems to be growing limbs.

Escape the Backrooms: A combination of found footages and commercials, it details the backroom and people trying to escape from it.

Eventide - Anomaly Infestation: A news report of anomalies.

Fear Virus: A quick guide on how to protect yourself from a new, highly infectious virus that causes mutations in humans to become something they fear.

Floaters: A video and short guide. It details how humans are suddenly floating into the air.

Gemini Home Entertainment: A series of VHS styled video tapes. Neptune has mutated and is now infecting Earth with strange things called "woodcrawlers" and other mysterious happenings.

Green Mountain Broadcast Center: A archival for tapes. Only one on this channel labled "Live Traffic" which documents a strange storm.

Greylock: One of my favorites so far. About the government experimenting with tulpa and possibly uncovering an ancient god.

Happy Meat Farms: Animal testing that causes severe deformities.

Hi I'm Mary Mary: A woman wakes up in a house with no exits. She then has to face her greatest fears.

Identity Test: A test on whether or not you can tell the difference between normal faces, and distorted ones.

Itch File: A diver touches a random creature that ejects a pus like substance on him with a virus. Severe trypophobia warning.

Koala Superdeep Borehole Incident: The deepest man-made hole has a bit of an unnerving find.

Local 58 Season One: A news station trying to report on the news, when a broadcast alert stating to not look at the moon is reported. Season two

Harmony and Horror: A VHS style of film. as you watch, you discover the oddities and mysteries of the toys tore.

Marble Hornets: You know what this is.

Mister Manticore: Asks you to memorize a picture before asking you to find the differences. Has quick fleshing images.

Midwest Angelica: A piece of an alien breaks away and onto Earth as it passes the exosphere. It quickly folds into horror beyond comprehension.

Monument Mythos Season One: In an alternate world, where the statues seem to be more than just simple monuments. Season Two Season Three

Omega Mart Ad Compilation: Adds that are attempting to be targeted towards humans. More silly and deranged than scary.

Raining Fire (EAS Snario): A EAS scenario of a mentor shower suddenly hailing Earth on Christmas Eve. Leading to event after event.

Surreal Broadcast: A news station with things happening in the background that are related to a cult. Season Two Season Three

Searching for the Five: Five men suddenly disappeared, only leaving behind a few clues.

Sinkhole: A very hungry sinkhole.

Stone Cold Series: Strange eyes have suddenly started to show up in the night.

The Anglers Trap: A guide on what to do when you encounter a tree called the anglers trap. Which lures in humans like an angler fish.

The Backrooms: Where it all started, I believe. The Backrooms are limital spaces.

The Children Under the House: A therapist tries to find out why a young girl has suddenly stopped talking. Her imaginary friends of course, know why.

The Mandela Catalogue: Hostile creatures called alternates (alters for short) that mimic humans, but don't do it quite right. It mixed Christianity and horror together.

The Oldest View: A man finds a random stairwell in a tree that leads miles down. It turns out it's an old mall. Made by the same man who created the Backrooms.

The Scrimblo Catalogue: A joke analog horror based off of a twitter meme. Part Two

The Smile Tapes: A new fungai releases spores that infect humans that causes the muscle in the faces to distort into a smile and causes hysteria.

The Swarm: Aggressive, hungry mosquitos created by a science project gone wrong.

The Quentin Sanders Tapes: A man named Quentin sanders goes to Foxwood university only to discover a eldritch monster.

The Walten Files: Possessed animatronics, one of the founder's family goes missing while the other conspired against them. And not to forget the possessed animatronics.

They Lie Above: Follows the story of a son of a missing farmer who was abducted by aliens, and Neil Armstrong. Who's memories were erased after encountering a alien space craft.

VibingLeaf: Three videos that have a early youtube "lost videos" esque style.

Vita Carnis: A guide on strange fauna and flora seemingly made entirely, out of meat.

White Door Opened: Set in Poland, monsters and strange red mist begins to spread. Of course it starts with humans messing with things they shouldn't mess with.

Winter of 83: Snowmen come to life, and they aren't happy.

-Did I miss any? Let me know! I'll try to keep this updated as I deeper and deeper, but I can't catch everything.

[strawberrylabs]

Can you do a Larry Johnson X reader with ADHD, Fluff story

(A bit more info abt me: I have style my hair in an Afro with bangs just above my eyebrow which is dyed black, I’m black but with light skin, I curse a lot and I’m usually seen as loud or childish, and I’m an ENTP)

And can it be in a setting where we go out to an arcade or smth?

Please and tysm!!

Arcade Date!

Larry Johnson x Adhd!reader

Im so so sorry for how long this took! Tumblr keeps eating my posts and I didn’t realise this one had been eaten too until today ;-; this should’ve been posted months ago </3

Anyways! Technical issues aside! Hope you enjoy!

“Fuck yeahh!! Beat that score Larry!”

“You’ve gotta be cheating! There's no way you beat my score! Sal! You’re with me right? Y/n’s cheatin!”

Said blue haired male looks at the two lovers hunched over the game as he sips on a slushy. 

He doesn’t know why he’s here. He knew you guys were going on a date, he just had to make sure you two behave and don’t kill anyone. He now regrets his decision.

“Uh.. soooo… Im gonna go over here”

“Hey- Sal! Get back here, don't walk away! You gotta help me beat y/n and their freakish hyperfocus!” Larry calls after his best friend before turning to face you, who was still clicking away at the game, unblinking.

“No fair! I didn’t know you hyperfixated on this game recently! You have ADHD superpowers!”

You chuckle

“Actually, I told you about it last week- Yeah! Beat the score again!”

Larry groans as he grabs your hand and drags you away from the machine.

“Alright! Next game! This time I’m gonna beat your ass!”

“Oh yeah? Not if I beat your ass first! I’m a pro gamer, you don’t stand a fucking chance!” You proclaim loudly, causing a startled mother to cover her child's ears and glare at you for your use of profanities.

“Oops.. sorry” You give a little apology wave as Larry laughs at you

You punch his arm lightly before making your way to a claw machine.

“Come on man these things are rigged!” Larry protests as you fish out your coins from your pocket.

“What, are you that bad at a silly game?” You tease him as you insert the coin.

You try your hardest to grab a little alien plush in the middle, but even when you grab it, it drops as soon as the claw lifts it into the air.

You groan

“This thing is so rigged!” Larry laughs at you again.

“Told you dude! Let me try” Larry lightly pushes you away to try win the alien plush.

After way too many attempts, and lots of money spent on the claw machine, Larry manages to hook the claw on the tag of the alien.

You both gasp and you grab Larry’s arm as the claw moves to the slot in the corner, waiting with held breaths.

When the alien drops in the prize box you both scream and start jumping while pushing each other back and forth, earning you some strange looks from people nearby.

“Yes! You did it!” You laugh

“That I did. I believe you owe me an apology” Larry grins at you

“Ugh, fine. Maybe you’re not as crappy at games as I thought.” 

Satisfied, Larry grabs out the alien and looks at you before handing it over.

“For you, milady” He dramatically bows while putting on a silly accent.

You laugh “You’re so cliche”

He stands up straight and smiles as he pulls you into him for a hug.

You both freeze as you hear a camera shutter.

“Nice, can’t wait to show this to the rest of the gang.” 

You turn around to see Sal standing there with his phone, pointing it at the two of you.

“Sal! You prick! Give me that phone!”

“Dammit Sal! Get back here!”

You and Larry proceed to chase a laughing Sal around the arcade before the three of you are told to leave by the employees.

“This is why I can’t let you two go anywhere unsupervised.” Sal tuts

“Excuse you! If you hadn’t taken that photo, we wouldn’t have been kicked out!” Larry nods his head at your statement

“I have no idea what you're talking about.”

“Sal don’t gaslight us!” 

 Cue you and Larry yet again chasing Sal back to the apartments.

Little did you know, Sal posted the photo, and a video of you two chasing him to a group chat with the gang.

Sally Face: *1 photo and 1 video* Yeah, they’re definitely made for each other.

I hope you enjoyed it!

-Strawberry🍓

Masterlist

Rules

[mollyjames]

Sonny Boy is a really interesting to pick apart because it's one of those shows where you feel kinda dumb for not following what's happening, but everybody is saying things that sound confident and correct so you just kinda assume that you missed something, only to go back later and realize "oh, we're just bullshitting this, huh?" I think it's extra sneaky because the first few episodes are actually very good at setting up some weird sci-fi scenarios, and it's a fun puzzle to try and figure out what's happening, and all of the rules make a kind of cosmic sense in the same way that good Doctor Who is able to construct an episode around completely made up alien timey wimey nonsense but it all works because we can follow the explanation and it matches up with what we've watched. It's only about halfway through the show's plot folds into itself and collapses under the weight of its own silly nonsense- like bad Doctor Who.

I find this a lot more forgivable though because, for one, it's only 12 episodes, so the relative fallout really only impacts like... 3 and a half episodes. Maybe 4 total, if you add it all up. For another, at a certain point, Sonny Boy doesn't really care. It makes a token effort to continue the narrative, but it's really at its best when it gives up on explaining things and just... is. When it realizes that none of that really matters. And that lets it push its premise to its logical extreme and takes the show much much farther than you would expect for only 12 episodes.

It helps that I really like the ending. Sonny Boy is an isekai, of sorts, but I think it falls better into an older niche category called Portal Fiction. Classically, this is where you get stuff like The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe, Alice In Wonderland, The Wizard Of Oz, etc... I read a lot of Portal Fiction as a kid. It was my favorite genre, but my favorite part, the part that really got my brain bubbling, was the ending. See, one of the enduring qualities of Portal Fiction and isekai to an extent, is that it is transparent about the fact it is telling a story. We get engrossed in those stories in the same way the characters do, and at the end of the story the characters return to the Real World, and we are returned to real life. What the characters do at the end of the Portal Fiction informs what we were meant to take from it, but it's also the point where the characters feel the most real, the most complete. It never feels like it lasts long enough. It's what makes the last episode of Sonny Boy so brutal at first, and also so special. I finally got what I wanted.

There's more I want to talk about here... honestly if anything ever gets me to finally make the dreaded Video Essay (tm) it'll be this. I also think my own personal experience contributed a lot to my enjoyment. Confession time: I never vibed with FLCL. I've watched it through a few times; it just doesn't line up with my experience growing up, or what I was dealing with. Sonny Boy does. If there's one takeaway here, I guess it's go watch Sonny Boy. It's really shot up to being one of my favorite anime of all time. It's not gonna be for everyone, but I think the people who like it will really like it. And uh... don't feel like you have to understand it to get it.

[voltronisanobsession]

Platonic! Voltron x Tiktok Obsessed Reader

Just another silly headcanon I thought of, i kinda get lost in the sauce when I’m scrolling through tiktok so i was inspired to do this😍🙏 enjoy my guys xoxo💋

Let’s imagine that tiktok is still a relevant thing during this time since this show is set in the future😻

Even before leaving Earth, Reader was very obsessed with tiktok. Phone opened on the app already, you probably had like a couple hours stacked on it. It was the only thing that kept you from dying of boredom

So when leaving the planet, you were DEVASTATED to see that your phone was quite literally useless in space

No charger, no wifi, and no more silly videos to entertain you

The most you had was your camera but the battery was a major problem

The team notices your more dazed-off look during meetings and on missions, often seeing you fiddle with your phone and just swiping through all your apps

That's until you go to Pidge to see if she can work some magic which SHE IS ABLE TO DO (so slay of her tbh)

She explains that she was able to route the phones connection to the electric waves from nearby planets but you stopped listening at that point

You’re both amazed when you reboot the app to see it completely different, yet similar to what it was before, only now it was filled with many different kinds aliens and their own videos

You are able to see the different environments and types of aliens that are scattered across the universe which was super cool to you!!!!

Cue you literally recording EVERYTHING the team does, let it be missions, meetings, or even fights which starts pissing Keith off a bit (bro feels like you’re not taking the whole voltron thing seriously💀💀)

It doesn’t bother you though since now you’re able to drag Lance and Hunk to do different kinds of trends that are popular on the new app

You manage to build up a small fan base because of the videos on your account, many people loving seeing the life of a paladin of Voltron😻‼️‼️

At one point you manage to get all of the paladins and Coran to do mini “get to know the team” videos (which I imagine are like the short videos on YouTube if you know which ones I mean)

Keith thinks the readers whole tiktok account is dumb and ‘useless’ in his words but is completely in shock when you get recognized by many people when visiting new planets because of your popularity

Shiro I think might find the whole thing a bit strange but he definitely entertains your ideas and involves himself with your account. You make him feel young when you force him to do one of the trends that is popular during that time

Allura doesn’t fully understand what the app is used for and see no real use for it until she realizes that your spreading the word of Voltron around. Then she does start forcing herself into your videos, which you don’t really mind (she loves being in your videos but is really awkward💔)

Lance is the one who is with you in most of your videos, often doing dance trends or mini vlogs with you. He loves how people also know him and enjoys the popularity he has with your followers😜 Has stolen your phone just to have Lance one on ones with your followers

Hunk is another one who usually is dragged into any shenanigans you and Lance are up to, whether it’s pranking one of the paladins or teaching your followers how to cook meals (he loves the compliments people give him when they try his recipes out)

Pidge RARELY is in any of your videos, mostly because she doesn’t like having a camera shoved up her face randomly. But she sometimes does do one of your dumb videos when she’s bored and has nothing to do, which leads to you featuring her more often

Keith is a fan favorite honestly, the people love his sarcastic and brooding attitude, which he claims he doesn’t have. He doesn’t mind being in your videos but he’s most of the time standing like a wall not knowing what to do with himself💀💀 (he enjoys being included with you guys though💔)

Coran LOVES being in your videos since he feels like the main character in them! He’s actually stolen your phone multiple times just so he could post some videos of himself, he loves the attention he gets by being Voltrons secondhand man hehe

Overall, the team grew to enjoy your funny and inclusive videos, it helps them break out of the serious routine they’ve gotten used to while in space :D

[sol-consort]

Do you think in reverse, any of the alien races also tried those tips on befriending humans? Aliens bragging online how they totally rizzedd up a human with ridiculous advice, humans are just like "lol silly little guys" and humor it happily.

Are we bringing the "loser high elf with a human obsession" trend in here from my other blog? Because I am fully down to making a loser friendgroup of aliens who are creeps towards humans as much as they are endlessly curious.

And yes, oh definitely yes they are bragging online about tottally rizzing up this new shiny species who stumbled their way into the stars.

A turian posting on his twitter about how he's been assigned with a human in C-SEC, how he has been studying a lot of human rituals by watching Hollywood movies and reading mammal herd behaviours, not realising humans are categorised as predetors.

It's a long thread of him describing his "successful" attempts and encounters with the human.

He followed the human to lunch and made sure to eat next to them since the extranet articles talked about the importance of eating together in human culture.

Except the human was a messy eater and the turian's food ended up getting contaminated, resulting in the turian having a coughing fit, throwing up, passing out and waking up in the emergency care.

-

A salarian saw this thread and left a very long comment mansplaining human behaviour and how the turian was absolutely wrong and an idiot. The two of them argued back and forth in the comments during the turian's stay in the hospital.

Resulting in the salarian claiming he could befriend a human much faster and easier than the turian's pathetic attempt. Leading the turian to daring him to post it.

So he read any books he could find about human evolution and history. Confident that he could apply them on the next human tour group coming to Sur'kesh.

Human primitives loved climbing trees, correct? And Sur'kesh has lots of trees! Their closest relatives are in apes huh? The salarian knows just what to do with this information.

Imagine with me, you're a human tourist in an alien planet, following the polite salarian guide in the front and taking pictures of the lovely view. You're having a wonderful time.

Then out of nowhere, comes another salarian who stops in front of the whole tour group. The tour guide seems confused and you wonder if this was preplanned or not.

This random salarian begins speaking to the entire group very slowly as he states the fact that there are a lot of trees around here. Asking if anyone would like to join him in climbing one as a mutual show of trust and friendship.

You raise your camera as you watch this salarian who's worked in a bio lab all his life, struggling to climb one tree and very slowly making progress. When he reaches the top, he is reminded of the fact oh, heights and gravity exist, this is so much more terrifying than he thought it would be.

Now he's stuck on the tree, and the salarian tour guide is dialing up security to both come and get him down but also kick him out before he causes a human diplomatic incident.

The salarian's terrified at the top like a scared kitten. You climbed a lot of trees as a kid, and this one isn't even that tall, so you climb up there and offer to carry the salarian down, which he enthusiastically accepts.

Everyone is taking pictures and smiling, the tour guide is relieved that an incident was avoided.

Then the salarian in your arms, reaches into his pocket says he has just the thing to thank you with, kind human.

He takes out. A banana. Offering it to you.

The pictures and videos of him doing that end up on the galactic news the next day, you get word that the human ambassador Udina wants use this incident to demand compensation and sanctions on the salarians offensive gesture to a human tourist. The salarian government is very apologetic and panicking, ready to throw credits at the problem to solve it.

But you post a video on your social media laughing it off and saying it's fine. Putting an end to the incident before it escalates.

-

An asari sits in her office as she looks over the latest galactic news, the salarian's pathetic attempt at befriending a human that resulted in a diplomatic incident.

She sips on her coffee, a human delicacy, as she finally decides where she wants to spend her once-a-year break.

Booking the nearest ticket to Earth, she thinks, befriending humans cannot be that hard, right?

She has seen many humans in Thessia. She even talked to one once when they asked her for directions! Sure, she never really befriended any before, but they can't be that different from all the other species. After all, an asari can get anyone wrapped around their finger if she tries hard enough.

Landing on Earth, she realises just why it was called the blue planet. The sky is very blue, almost aggressively so and the sun here hurts to look at, unlike the gentle one in Thessia.

There are so many humans around, not a sign of a single alien in sight. All of them walking with a purpose, some taking their animals to a stroll and oh wow that dog is bigger than any varren she has ever seen, how did that human tame it?

Some give her a pacing glance, and others are indifferent to her. She keeps trying to strike up a conversation but everyone just declines and say they're busy or in a hurry.

Strange, the humans on the citadel are much more friendly. An asari could walk up to a group and demand their attention just like that, why are the ones here so different?

Eventually she spots an older woman, ah yes a human Matriarch! Just perfect. She goes to the elder woman sitting on a bench while feeding the pigeons.

The woman smiles, wrinkles in her face from a life full of happiness, greeting the blue lady. The two of them sit together and have a talk, the old woman is very patient and understanding with the asari as she explains that this is just how humans are, how the ones on the citadel are a very select view who are enthusiastic about aliens.

The asair is stunned to learn that this woman is merely 78 years old, yet she holds so much wisdom and charm. They spend the entire day talking and watch the sunset together.

By the end, the old woman apologises for having to leave, saying her grandkids are visiting tonight and she must go back home. But she will be here tomorrow if the asair wants to continue the chat.

Day after day, week after week. The asair keeps meeting up with her snd talking, about nothing and everything, life and its meaning, the sky and its colours, love and its sisters.

The asari asks if the old woman has her spouse in her life still, the old woman smiles, full of melancholy as she shakes her head no.

Reading on human mating rituals, the asari starts bringing the old woman flowers, red in colour and varied in shapes. A box of sweets that the old woman kindly declines because of her blood sugar, yet the asari doesn't give up and comes the next day with a box of dark chocolate.

By the end of the month, the asari brings her final gift to the old woman. A small red box that fits perfectly into her balm. The old woman has to put her glasses back on as the asari opens the box to be able to see what's inside.

Getting on one knee, the asari opens the box to present a shiny ring inside, she asks cautiously if she'd like to come back with her to Thessia to live the rest of their lives together.

The old woman smiles, the asari grew found of her smiles, so gentle and warm. Reaching with her shakey hands, she takes the box and admires the beautiful ring inside. She chuckles with delight at the flattering implication as she puts the ring back in the box and hands it to the asari.

Patting her head, the 78 human woman tells the 600 asari woman to go find a young girl her age to marry. How she basically sees her as a granddaughter.

The asari comes back home with a newfound hatred for Earth, attempting to cope with having her heartbroken by a single human who hasn't passed their first century yet.

[stupidlovergirl]

Human TV I Think They'd Watch

All the Bros and Dateables

Dev Notes:I have been watching Kitchen Nightmares while writing and how I think Barbatos might like it,, and then it lead to what human world TV they might like,,, maybe spent a little to much time on it instead of working on WIPs

Lucifer

Really likes old people TV

He watches things like How It’s Made, National Geographic documentaries, if he wants a little laugh those shows about “aliens”. Skin Walker Ranch is his dirty little side piece TV show

He just enjoys educational shows because they are easy to tune out

Really loves Soap Operas. Young and the Restless and General Hospital are kept up with religiously(hah). He, Diavolo, and Barbatos usually watch it. Dia really likes it and Barbatos watches when working with Dia second hand while doing work. He latched on after watching it in the background a few times.

Also, just the news. Mans will put on a 24 hour news station and will keep it on for like, 5 days. 

Mammon

He watches Harrison Porter, so give him the joy that is Lord of the Rings and The Hobbit.

Would also enjoy the Spiderwick Chronicles movie since he doesn’t know how bad it was compared to the books

Just a big fantasy fan honestly. Loves them.

On another note, he also loves trashy reality TV and News. The only one who beats out his love for celebrity gossip is Asmo. When he is putting on a TV show to go brain dead to its something from TLC, like 90 Day Fiance, I Love a Mama’s Boy, etc. 

He watches the Kentucky Derby, bets on it a lot (loses a lot too)

His dirty secret show/movies are Hallmark movies. He watches them when he won’t get caught. Hopeless romantic nerd (Affectionate)

Leviathan

You’re joking

You’re joking right?

Anime or DIE!!! (/hj)

Also really popular fantasy movies based on books. He will rip them to shreds when you watch them. Can be fun if you read the books, annoying if you haven’t.

Has a soft spot for magical girl animes, obvi

There isn’t really much to elaborate on, half of his personality is anime and nerd stuff.

Just a few favorites I think he might have with no explanation:

Tokyo Mew Mew, Yugi-Oh, Death Note, Naruto, Angel Beats, Lucky Star, Soul Eater, Watamote, Saint Tail, and Cowboy Bebop

Satan

King of detective shows

He loves trying to find them out

It is canon he loves the Devildom equivalent of Midsomer Murders, so just show him that too

I think he would like Forensic Files too.

Also, thriller movies. And psychological horror movies.

He loves them, he typically can predict an ending, but it's nice to see how they write out how the characters themselves find out

Asmo

Trashy reality TV!!!!!

He and Mammon watch 90 Day and Mama's boy and talk shit about them.

Loves Maury, Jerry Springer (rip my king), Parent Court when he's feeling a little frisky

Next Top Model and RuPaul's Drag Race. It's about the DRAMA! The OUTFITS!

Watched part of Euphoria but honestly? Found it mid. Sorry but he just couldn't understand the hype after the writing started to plummet.

Has watched Jersey Shore, will not elaborate on his opinion.

Tbh, he also doesn't really watch much because he feels like he has better things to do with his time, he only watches it for Brotherly Bonding, and for background noise

Beel

Haha, big guy hardly watches TV

Watches workout videos primarily

He likes learning new work out and dietary things

Has been banned from watching any type of food shows. Sorry Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives.

Will participate in movie night, primarily for food, buhe does pay attention

Honestly just watches whatever someone else typically puts on with no complaint

Belphie

Much like his twin, doesn't typically seek out TV watching.

Much easier to watch on his phone

He does enjoy satisfying videos

Watches Rug cleaning videos, silly ASMR videos, Video essays when he can't sleep and gets curious. Loves obscure media and icebergs.

The essays are about the only thing that goes on the TV

Sorry but he just doesn't care much.

Will also participate in movie night, almost always falls asleep. Still can tell you the entire plot of the film.

On a very rare occasion will watch South Park. Will not elaborate on this one.

Solomon

Loves old TV shows to some newer ones

I Love Lucy, The Twilight Zone, The Muppet Show

I cant really explain the Muppet Show, but I know its true, it is in my bones

Honestly loves older sitcoms. They just hit different.

Can I mention I Dreamed a Genie and Bewitched? Classics in his eyes. Would fight to the death for them

Will make a off hand comment on how he doesn't feel like TV is the same anymore

Watches reality TV in the background when Asmo turns it on when he lounges in either one of their rooms

I feel like I just can't explain most of these, but they are the truth in my heart and that is enough

Simeon

Haha...What?

Watches whatever Luke or Solomon puts on or whatever someone else would suggest

He has a preference for books most of the time I feel like. Just goes with the flow

Just suggest something and he'll put it up for the next movie night when it's his choice

I really can't think of one he would pick oops.

Barbatos

He watches whatever Diavolo puts on in the background. Likes the Soap Operas some times, gets a little annoyed with anime voices when he has a migraine.

Kitchen Nightmares and Hell's Kitchen just hits right for him. Loves the insults

He doesn't much watch TV either though. Prefers audio books since they are easier to carry around

You essentially have to beg to watch TV with him, he's a busy butler ya'know?

Diavolo

KING OF FLEXIBILITY

Has watched all of it, and will continue to do so.

Has a special place for Soap Operas and Ruri-Chan

Seen all the classics, the new block busters, all of it

Honestly you wonder how he gets the time?

He really likes consuming stuff, so he does it when he is working on paper work he puts on the subtitles and turning the audio on low and going HAM

Couldn't be me, I would get distracted

For the most part he's watched it all, and what he hasn't is on his to watch list. He just likes talking to his friends about it :)

Luke

GREAT! BRITISH! BAKE! OFF!

He likes seeing the different foods

It inspires him so much, it's so cute watching his eyes sparkle as he sees something he likes and he writes it down on his phone

Also, he really likes watching Bluey. He lets Simeon and Solomon, and Barbatos found out (because he knows everything), but would DIE if anyone else found out

Also likes early 80's and bad CG horror movies. Kid literally laughs and Mammon is losing his mind next to him. I think because of the bad effects it makes it more tolerable.

Killer Klowns from Outer Space slaps man what can the kid say?

I think I'm projecting hard onto him,, but he's my son so it doesn't matter

[yanderemommabean]

Alien courting human pt.3

“Hey can we talk?” you ask with a bit of unease, setting down the latest ‘gift’ the alien has decided to leave at your bedroom door. It was eerily similar to owning a cat with the way random meat was left on the floor, with no real note or explanation as to why. At first you didn’t mind, as most of it seemed to at least be livestock based, but this morning there was no denying that the meat in question was from “Long Pig” so to speak. 

“Hmm? Is something troubling you?” the being asked while pausing the exploration of your cabinets, seemingly trying to figure out why humans placed food in metal cylinders.  Then, place the ingredients inside heated cubes for consumption, which would then be placed in a cooling rectangular cube if not finished in one sitting. It was very puzzling but they supposed most of the human world was. 

“The meat outside my door…Why? Are you hurting people? Is this a threat?” you asked with a bit of hostility, feeling a bit irked that the possible murderer was judging how you ate food on a daily basis when their species barely refrigerated anything like savages. Letting food go to waste because they didn’t finish it in one sitting was mind boggling, but not as bad as the unwanted heaps of flesh. 

“Hmm?” they peer over to the gift they gave you last, and cock their head in confusion. “Do you not like it? I thought you of all people would be thrilled!” they crawl over to the flesh, plucking it up with a smile, handing it back to you -thankfully still in a container. “It’s for you to consume and enjoy! I made sure each portion was able to be enjoyed in one sitting so you wouldn’t have to worry about wasting space in that odd rectangle in the kitchen”. 

You find yourself annoyed and out of breath as you sit down at the kitchen table, shoving the box away with an exasperated huff. “Where did you get the meat? Why are you giving it to ME of all humans”. Honestly, you weren’t sure which answer would be more disturbing to hear, but regardless you needed to know. It was probably going to make this horrific migraine even larger. 

They give a bit of a pout, and take the box containing flesh to examine as they try and explain. “I got it from those massive buildings that hold dead bodies. I believe they are for burning the dead so I figured they wouldn’t miss this one little piece! Roasting humans and then not eating them is so wasteful-” 

You put your hand up to pause them, and rub your temple as you soak in everything thus far. “We don’t like to eat other humans, first of all…secondly that is extremely disrespectful of their final wishes! Being cremated is usually someone's way to be remembered after death”. You weren’t entirely sure if the alien understood the significance of that, seeing as they looked at you as if you had two heads. 

“But you DO eat one another. I’ve seen many videos on the matter! Those murder documentaries, the survival tales, and even those adult videos have certain titles about eating-” 

“THAT’S DIFFERENT!” you intervene with a blush, covering your face at the ridiculousness you’re having to listen too. “Just- ok why are you handing it to me? Do you think I'm hungry or what?”. 

“Well, not just that” they begin as they sit beside you, trailing their touch over your heated cheeks to place your attention on their eyes as they speak. “It's a courting gift. It shows I know how to provide for you, make you feel secure and full! The next stage is usually acts of showing how I attack those I see as threats, but we’ll get to that point soon”. 

You swallow down a retort, your face heating up even more as your eyes locked with theirs, seeing how serious they were. “You...gave me this to...try and date me?” you ask. They nod, and look at the box holding the meat and flesh of your own kind, humming in thought. “I suppose I could try other methods, but whatever it takes, I promise I'll get you to accept me"

(This was a little silly, but I had fun! Tell me what you think!-Mommabean)

[plumbewb]

🎯🥊🧠

ofc i choose kobeni lol 🎯 What do they do best? she is kind of ok at a lot of things, she plays guitar, piano, she didn't have a lot of money as a kid thus didn't get to do or learn anything when she was young. max is helping her make up for that now. despite being introverted she is a good friend & good at helping people. 🥊 What do they love to do? What do they hate to do? she loves to listen to music, play her guitar, dance silly, she enjoys working out and running. she loves to watch horror movies in her spare time or play video games. and swimming! & annoying max any chance she gets <3 she hates classical music, hard drugs (u know the real bad stuff), eating fish (she'll gag just don't give her fish) & reality tv shows. she really hates in when max doesn't clean out his coffee maker so there's always old coffee grinds in it and she's usually cleaning it out. 🧠 What do you like most about the OC? screw like, i just love her, and what i created. she is my first normal human oc believe it or not, before this i've only had alien/weird ocs. (murderers, occult beings, etc).

[t0ast-ghost]

S3 EP12 (The Empath) ohhhh no. Oh no. Oh nononono no.

Aughgg:

- The three of them beaming down to a planet. What a good way to start an episode!

- Kirk protecting his ship over all

- Kirk had to watch Spock and Bones disappear. He had to watch them disappear and be left alone to call out their names in vain

- Kirk’s body left an ass imprint in the sand

- Together again! In the void!

- Showing what’s on the tricorder is so silly of them

- WHAT TGE FUCJ ARE THOSE

- “We Come—” *gets shot*

- Get hit with the gay beam. The photos don’t do it justice but I’m not taking a video because there’s flashing lights (careful showing this to your photosensitive friends!)

- Jim is so enchanted by her, it’s adorable 🥰

- THIS. This is his character. At least the part that is so often discarded. He’s not holding her hand out of a want to romance her or anything like that. He’s holding it because he wants to protect and comfort her. He’s just like this and it’s so so soft.

- Kirk calling them over as he’s just horrified and disgusted. Then Bones calling them over. Like idk I’m happy over them saying each others names, I’m in too deep

- Each of them facing what are basically their own graves

- Too good to be true. They ain’t escaping

- this

- “The prime ingredients” to what? Suffer soup?

- McCoy straight up objecting to Kirk’s sacrifice while Spock offers himself instead

- “What happened to my men!?” CALL THEM YOUR BOYFRIENDS. On another note, Kirk is so fiercely protective of them and so angry and scared that’s something has or will happen to them

- Annnnd they made him shirtless

- “We’ve already observed the intensity of your passions, and gauged your capacity to love others.” Here they are directly referring to how Kirk loves McCoy and Spock

- Spock and McCoy in da void

- McCoy begging for Gem to help Kirk because he can’t help Kirk

- This healing scene is going on for a very long time. An uncomfortable amount of time.

- Like a renaissance painting

- “Spock why do you have to get so analytical?”

- What kind of choice is that? McCoy will probably die and Spock will suffer brain damage

- “I’m a doctor, not a coal miner.” Yippee!!!

- Spock and McCoy both want to sacrifice themselves

- McCoy just fucking drugged Kirk!!!

- Spock you bitch! Don’t sacrifice yourself bbygirl

- Gem is helping McCoy. She understands. “Your action is highly unethical!” Spock shouts but McCoy can’t allow Spock to go with them

- “Why did you let him do it?” “I was convinced in the same way you were captain— by the doctors hypo.” They’re so worried about their boyfriend

- “And they keep McCoy.” Damn every alien planet wants to keep this man. I mean I get it but like.. damn

- HOLY SHIT WHAT DID THEY DO TO HIM

- he’s in so much distress

- SAVE HIM! Please! Gem save him!

- He’s holding him so gently

- “You’ve got a good bedside manner, Spock.” What. Why. Why are you flirting. Right now?!?

- Spock takes longer to leave McCoy’s side

- “Each of you was willing to give his life for the others.” Yeah! Cause they’re in love!

- Damn they’re just torturing her

- He starts coughing and Jim looks so worried that I wanna write a sick fic based on that look alone

- McCoy wakes up and immediately calls for Jim and Spock omg omg

- good point Kirk. They (the aliens) are fucking hypocrites

- forgive the horrible photo quality. They’re just little guys

- Spock is smiling here. Like you cannot deny he’s smiling here. He’s so happy that the doctor is alive and that he gets to joke with him and Jim on the bridge

A couple of busy days went by but I’ll keep posting :)

Masterpost

Episode written by Joyce Muskat

[teawinx]

I'm going to have a lot of hate for this but it had to be said and it was said

me:

Neither of them are the perfect protagonists and instead of blaming each of them they should realize who is responsible for the lack of communication and teachings in their relationship

I agree

This is now an anti-Fu page Mans has ruined Hawaiian shirts for everyone forever

(Warning, long post)

Jokes aside, it's easy to pin the blame on one or more characters for the shortcomings of a show, but it's really all down to the writing.

I've joked that Fu could be removed and very little would change, but it's true. All the exposition and potions could be handled by the Kwamis, and there's no real reason why LB and CN couldn't just summon the other Miraculous because they're the sacred duo.

To me, Fu just feels like they desperately wanted to include a "wise old mentor" character without properly considering the choice. It's just derivative of other media (Harry Porker, Star Wars, LOTR, TMNT, Kung Fu Panda etc), shoving Fu in because you HAVE to have a mentor character right?

And it sucks because I think Fu's character does help the story in a small way. I like that the heroes aren't special chosen ones. Anyone could wear the earrings or the ring, it all depends on what kind of person they are. The kwamis didn't choose their holders. (Piss off, Kwami's Choice) So in that regard, I think Fu works. But then, besides Feast, they proceeded to do nothing with him and then didn't have the balls to kill him off.

At the end of the day, Fu is still the worst. He picks two literal children to do his bidding after doing nothing for over 100 years, while having access to all the other Miraculous, which is includes the TIME TRAVEL Miraculous. Doesn't do any background checks on these two children, so doesn't know if they'd be able to drop what they're doing at any time and go save Paris. Proceeds to only "train" one of the two heroes, and treats meeting him like a privilege they have to earn. I think they "earned" the right to meet him the moment he picked them to fix his mistakes. Barely properly trains Marinette (or it's all off-screen) and just ignores Adrien. Then when his own identity is at risk, he confiscates the Miraculous and proceeds to run away, leaving Paris at risk with 0 defenders. But at the end of the day, he's meant to be viewed as a wise martyr who just made a couple silly mistakes, and can now go live a carefree life despite doing fuck all to make amends for what he's done.

If you want a story about a disgraced mentor who's fucked up bad but then makes amends and grows from it AND is super entertaining? Just watch Rise Of The TMNT's Splinter. He's fantastic.

Fu rant aside, the true villain is of course the writing

In the hands of a good writer, Marinette and Adrien could be gold standard protagonists, I can feel it in my bones. But the show's... interesting (derogation) writing choices prevent them from living up to their true potential.

If you have the time, I recommend everyone take a look at this video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AfSszhlZVoU

How to alienate your audience. It's a very good video and super helpful for learning about writing. The short version is: A good writer presents a character without telling you how to feel about them. If you treat your audience like morons, lecturing them about how to feel about a character, you've failed as a writer.

And that's one of ML's biggest failings. It doesn't want you to have a nuanced viewing experience. It's either "Character X is good" or "Character Y is bad". Despite Fu being the fucking worst, the show bends over backwards to go "No no he's a amazing person. His not death is really tragic, be sad about it damnit!" Ladybug and Chat Noir can't be upset at Fu for his failings. Adrien can't get angry at him for neglecting him (but can then get mad at Ladybug for the same thing despite her NOT neglecting him. Fuck you, Kuro Neko) Marinette can't be upset at Fu for basically hijacking her life by choosing her to be Ladybug and then the Guardian The only character who's been angry at Fu is Su Han, but he's then "well actually"-ed into letting the issue go.

Fu gets to become a "tragic" character who just wants to be with his one true love. Ok, then use Time Travel to fix your mistake. Or unify the Ladybug and Black Cat to fix your mistake. Or use a power pulled outta the Rooster's ass to fix your mistake. And he doesn't have the excuse of "The Guardian can't use the Miraculous" because Ladybug and Jade Turtle are right there. I'm not gonna feel sympathetic for the guy who sat around, did nothing, ran away and then made Marinette do all the work for him. Am I talking about Fu or Adrien? We may never know.

Rant done.

[some-pers0n]

I can't think of anything for the assuming thing that you reblogged, but while I'm here uhhm. I'd like to hear abt tf2 if you're willing to explain.

I don't know a lot abt it but I see the stuff you reblog!! I know the game, but I've never heard any lore or anything abt the characters.

No pressure ofc, you don't have to :]

You're. asking me..to infodump? About TF2!?

Okie okey I can do it. Uh. Keep in mind it's going to be pretty long-winded and incomprehensible. I just really like this game...

Oh! And if you're a follower or mutual, read on as well! I put a lot of effort into this. If you're at all interested in understanding my madness even a little bit, this is for you.

Before we even begin, I HIGHLY recommend first checking out the Meet the Team videos and perhaps Expatriation Date. It will take you roughly half an hour to watch all videos. They are simply fantastic. They are humorous and show off the personalities of these characters in a great and short way. Plus it establishes the tone of this game (which is very silly)

With that being said, let it commence.

Okay, so, I guess we start with the basics. Team Fortress 2 is a sequel to Team Fortress (Classic), which was a mod for a game called Quake using the engine for Half-Life, Source. It was made by a couple of friends who would later on become a part of Valve, a game company known for their own games such as Portal, Half-Life (as previously mentioned), Counter-Strike; Global Offense, and of course, Team Fortress.

Team Fortress 2's development is pretty interesting and cool in of itself. I could go on for a bit, but just know that TF2 was announced back in 1998. Over this time, it went by the name of Invasion, following an art style similar to TFC and Half-Life with them now being on some alien planet thing. However that sort of style became outdated, so they then went under a major art style shift. After nine years in development, they final released it in 2007 as a package called the Orange Box. It released alongside Portal and Half-Life 2, Episode 2.

Since then, Team Fortress 2, or simply just TF2, has become a cornerstone of the internet and general team-based shooter games. Its influences can be seen all over, with the most prominent example being games like Overwatch being a spiritual successor to it.

You don't want to hear me ramble about the actual gameplay and such though, I assume. I really like watching people play the game, but I would be lying if I didn't find a smidge more enjoyment from the characters, hm? I mean, how could I not? They're one of, if not the best parts of the entire game.

But before we get to that, even more ground work. Here's the basic lore you need.

In the 1800s, a man called Zephaniah Mann owns a company. He's your generic richy-rich upperclassman guy. His business partner, Barnabus Hale, co-owns this. This will be slightly important later. He has three children, Redmond, Blutarch, and Gray Mann. Redmond and Blutarch practically come out of the womb hating each other, while Gray Mann? Well, he's. special. He's incredibly intelligent for his newborn nature, being able to speak fluent English as well as supposedly inventing a new kind of algebra.

Zephaniah Mann freaks out. He tries to kill the child, however he is, and I quote, "absconded by the Eagle". This is a random eagle that's been apparently terrorizing the small town that Zephaniah Mann lives in. It breaks through the windows and literally steals Gray Mann, saving him from an untimely death.

So that happened.

Years later, Zephaniah grows old. Blutarch and Redmond are the only real heirs of his company, but the both of them won't come to a single agreement on anything. Pissed off about it, Zephaniah writes in his will that he's giving his company to Barnabus Hale, leaving his servant, Elizabeth, with all of his "gold", and jack-shit for Redmond and Blutarch.

Well...not nothing. Redmond and Blutarch convinced Zephaniah to buy up a bunch of land in New Mexico. Gravel pits and dustbowls. When Zephaniah died, the two of them tried claiming the land for themselves. This sparked the main event: the Gravel Wars.

Blutarch and Redmond hired a bunch of mercenaries to fight for each other. This was the original team. Yes, that is Abraham Lincoln you see there. Get used to it.

The mercenaries fought and fought, yet there was no clear victor. In the end, Blutarch and Redmond were growing old. By 1890s, it was becoming obvious that the two would die before they saw the end of this fight.

Or...until a certain other party emerged. Radigan Conagher. A brilliant inventor that catches the attention of Blutarch Mann. He brings Radigan to him and asks something so simple of him.

Build him a machine to make him immortal.

Radigan agrees to the task.

However, this also gets the attention of another person. Remember that servant I mentioned? The one who inherited Zephaniah Mann's gold? Well, it turns out that it isn't gold, but actually an incredibly powerful material called Australium.

Australium is native to Australia. It is a precious mineral that is capable of incredible power. Among giving the people around it super-strength, heightened intelligence, and generally being very Australian, it can also be used to make a person immortal through extending their life.

Elizabeth knows about this, and for some reason that we still don't quite know, she wants to continue on this war. So, she approaches Radigan and asks him to build another life extender machine for Redmond. Also for her probably.

So now the old men (and also this chick) are immortal. Cool!!

The 1930s roll around and there's another group of mercenaries. We don't care about these ones that much. Just know that they are the same mercs from Team Fortress Classic and they'll be somewhat important later. Understand also that Barnabus Hale's company is now called MannCo. and is the main supplier of weapons to this war.

NOW IT'S THE 1960S YAYYY IT'S TIME FOR THEM!!! THE SILLIES!!

Something to also know is that there's somebody pulling the strings. The Administrator. For some reason, she wants to continue this war between Redmond and Blutarch. She's not Elizabeth though!! Definitely not. Totally not. Definitely not a plot twist that WOULD'VE HAPPENED IN THE FINAL COMIC HAD IT RELEASED- but it's fine.

Anyways, I digress. Elizabeth and the Administrator (also known as Helen) are pretty much the same person. Working as her assistant is Miss Pauling, who (among other things) hides bodies, gives contracts to the mercs, and generally does whatever the Admin wants her to.

Whew!! There you go. That's the general gist of the lore. Back in the 1800s there was a guy who had two kids who hated each other. They hated each other so much they went to war over a bunch of useless land. Over 100 years later now we've got the mercs.

Finally!! We can start talking about them.

Scout, aka Jerma985

The Scout, real name Jeremy, is a loud-mouth, obnoxious 20 something year old from Boston. He fights using a shotgun, baseball bat, and a pistol. He's got 7 older brothers (he's the youngest of them all) and has an affinity for baseball, Tom Jones, and a soda drink named Bonk! that is apparently radioactive. He's what I'd argue to be the most ""normal"" merc, since he's just kind of an asshole who likes killing people. He talks and acts like an obnoxious guy, but he's overall not that bad.

Oh I forgot to mention he's canonically God's gift to women.

Here's a snipbit of the scene where Scout dies and goes to Heaven where he meets God Himself and tells Scout that he was intended to have sex with as many women as possible.

Scout is also illiterate and can't read. He's actually a pretty good artist though. He's got a Tom Jones memorabilia collection that he once used to try and impress Miss Pauling. Oh right! He's also got a massive crush on Miss Pauling. The Expiration Date short is all about it, with him trying to get a date with her before he dies of cancer.

Soldier, the American Idiot

The Soldier, real name Jane Doe, is a red-blooded American patriot from somewhere in the mid-west USA. He fights using a rocket launcher, a shotgun, and a shovel. He is not a real solider. In fact, he was turned away from WWII because of his mental instability. That didn't stop him from buying a ticket and going to Germany himself, beating the crap out of all of them Nazis. He only stopped when he was told that the current year was 1949 and the war had ended four years ago.

Soldier is what I'd argue to be the character the narrative focuses on the most. You'd be pressed to find a comic that doesn't feature him a lot. He's the second half of the WAR! update, the first merc that Miss Pauling recruits when the actual main comics happen, generally pops up a lot in bits and pieces of the lore, and is one of the stars of Expiration Date.

Soldier was roommates with a 6,000 year old wizard named Meramus. Meramus is a character from TF2's annual Halloween event, Scream Fortress, and is a silly wizard who attacks them once every year. Despite this, the two of them lived together. Past tense because Meramus was kicked out. Here's a panel from a comic about this that I find funny.

Soldier also drinks lead water. The water in the base is the same water that the people from a nearby town, Teufort, which is all full of idiots from the water situation. We don't know if he's like this because of the water. It's probably not the only reason.

Pyro, the Silly!!

The Pyro has no identity, no backstory, nothing. Anything we know about them is pretty much nothing. They, along with the Spy, are the most unknown of the mercs, but even then we still know more about Spy and generally what he's like. Pyro? Nothing. We don't even know their gender.

Pyro fights with a flamethrower, shotgun, and fire axe, however they see these items as a cute and wholesome version. In Meet the Pyro, it's revealed that Pyro sees the world through a oddly sweet lens, full of lolipops and rainbows and whatever. This isn't reality, obviously, and what Pyro sees as them petting a dog is probably them gutting it.

Pyro and the Engineer have some sort of bond and connection, most likely stemming from how Pyro's in-game help out Engineers by keeping away spies and whatnot, as flamethrowers are the best ways to get rid of them.

Anywho, that's Pyro. The silly!!

Demoman, Man I Love Being Drunk

The Demoman, real name Travis Finnegan DeGroot, is a self-proclaimed "black Scottish cyclops". He fights with a stickybomb launcher, a grenade launcher, and a bottle of his beloved whiskey: scrumpy. Demoman is a full-blooded Scotsman hailing from Ullapool and has a long, long lineage of fellow bombmakers and general stuff.

Demoman is actually one of the more intelligent members of the team, being knowledgeable of chemicals and bomb making. This is however not exactly known as 90% of the time he's black-out drunk. He gets drunk so often that his liver actually changed to adapt to this sort of environment, now drawing minerals from booze as if it were water. Now Demo basically gets poisoned by drinking water.

Demo's eye is actually cursed, by the way. No, he didn't lose it during some fight or some accident. Well, I mean, it technically was an accident. He opened up a cursed book, the Bombinomicon, and now his eye is just. fucked.

In fact, the Medic tried giving him a new eye. Several times in fact! Why doesn't he have it still? Well, uh, this.

He's so silly.

Heavy, The TF2 Guy

The Heavy Weapons Guy, real name Mikhail (or Misha), is a Russian man hailing from Siberia. He fights with his miniguns, a shotgun, and his fists. He's rather fond of his guns, in particular his main one, Sasha.

Heavy is a family man and generally a lot different than how a ton of the internet characterizes him. He's intelligent, having a PhD in Russian Literature, and a lot more soft-spoken. When he was young, his father, a counter revolutionist, was taken by the KGB. Soon enough, his entire family were imprisoned in a gulag. They escaped and found refuge, but Heavy became protective over his sisters and mother.

TF2 goes hard, like if you agree. Every time I think about Heavy I just get increasingly sad.

Heavy likes sandwiches. A lot. In fact, you can swap out his shotgun in the game for a sandwich (or some other food item). Apparently in TF2 canon, Heavy just hunkers down in some corner after taking a good amount of damage and starts eating this ham sandwich to suddenly have his bullet wounds be healed.

Engineer, YEEEEHAWWW!!!

The Engineer, real name Dell Conagher, is a hardworking man who's come round from Bee Cave, Texas. He fights using a shotgun, a pistol, his trusty wrench, and a little tiny box called the PDA. That lil' box gives the Engineer a major advantage, being able to now make buildings. Dispensers that give ammo and medkits. Teleporters that make traversing the maps easier. Lets not forget the sentries now either, stationary automatic guns that fire upon any enemy that gets too close.

If the name "Conagher" seems familiar, that would be because Engie is the grandson of Radigan Conagher from all the way back. Also Fred Conagher, who was the Engineer for TFC. Here's the both of them when Engie was a kid.

Engie is commonly mischaracterized as being normal. This is because he seems smart and okay. He is not. I need you to understand that his Meet the Team video has him using a BLU Sniper's body as his campfire and he shows little to no reaction to bullets being mere inches away from his face. He just sits there and plays his guitar while his sentry guns mow down anybody nearby. Also the whole being a mercenary and his job being to kill people.

Unfortunately for Engie there's not too much Funny comic book stuff about him. His big break was mostly with the Loose Cannon comic. In other ones he's usually a supplemental character to the others. In the main comics he's the sort of caregiver to the Administrator, just sort of standing around her while she says stuff.

That doesn't make me any less terminally ill about him in this one comic though. They make me SICK!! I love them,,

And, well, speaking of these two...I suppose it was only a matter of time before we got to him.

Medic, You Already Know Who This Is

The Medic, real name maybe Ludwig Humbolt? I dunno. It's unclear. All that's really confirmed is that his last name is probably most likely Ludwig. Some people like Ludwig Humbolt. Others like Fritz Ludwig. I like calling him Ludwig Ludwig.

Anyways, this is Medic! He hails from Stuttgart/Rottenburg, Germany (it's not very clear where he's from) and he is a bit of a silly little fellow. He fights using his trusty bonesaw, a syringe gun of sorts, and a unique device of his own creation: the medi-gun. With this machine, he's able to heal people as well as deploy an übercharge, which makes both the Medic and whomever his medi-gun's healing beam is connected with invincible for eight seconds.

The Medic is a silly little fellow. One fascinating thing you can see about him is how his character has been shifted since the launch of the game. His voice lines in-game are a lot more...er, how should I say this...Nazi German stereotype-ish? Hehh, uh... So not particularly great. He's barking orders and generally seen kind of like that.

However, as time goes on and more and more updates come out, his character shifts. The Pyro goes under similar changes in presentation, going from a mysterious and scary character to more friendly and cutesy. With Medic? He forgos that previous stereotype and more or less just becomes a mad scientist archetype. He's got a silliness to him that wasn't present when the game first launched.

My favourite example of this shift in character is the change in how the Meet the Medic videos would've been. Did you know there was a scrapped Meet the Medic video? It was a lot more like the earlier ones, styled like an interview he was giving. He's doing it on a train(?) and it shows how he created the medi-gun. There's a noticeable lack of silliness, aside from when the Spy head begins talking. The Medic is a lot more stern and serious, mentioning more how he's proud of being able to make gods out of men.

Then, of course, we see the actual Meet the Medic. Medic is preforming surgery on the Heavy, and it's all fairly silly and wacky. Medic explodes Heavy's heart, his birds are just straight up inside Heavy's organs, he basically tells the Spy head (which is actually a reference to the OG Meet the Medic video) to shut up, and laughs away like what he's doing is no big deal. He's got a manic twitch to him. He's a brilliant scientist, though a mad one at that.

I have a lot to say about Medic if you can't already tell. He's my silly!! He's the guy giving me all of this brainrot over this game. I just go into detail about his characterization because it's a major pet peeve of mine when people label him as a uncaring sadist who hates his team and wants to experiment on them all. He IS an uncaring sadist, but he's sill and I will go down swinging on this hill that he, at the bare minimum, cares about his team. I rationalize his in-game voice lines by saying it's from him a) dying a lot and getting pissed off at how his teammates just let it happen and b) he's having a manic episode every day at work and has zero filter. All of them have zero filter when battling. If they all acted the way they did in the game, then characters like Scout should be GO GO GO GO!!!! 24/7 without rest, something that's certainly not the case in Expiration Date. On a similar note, let's not forget that Medic and Engie decided to spend their last few days trying to develop some kind of cure for their tumors.

Anyways, deranged EngieMedic fangirling aside (these two make me violently ill and they are the only characters I could even dare to say I "ship")(even then it's as a QPR because I'm diseased and hit Medic with my aroace-ification ray)(you cannot convince me that this man in alloro in any way shape or form he does not even know what an emotion besides mania and blistering rage is), Medic is a fascinating character who I feel not too many people really get. He's either written as a pencil-pushing busy-body vaguely Nazi stereotype or as a soft uwu twink cinnamon roll who wants to help his team and only has a small sadistic streak and only wants to be railed by Heavy. You guys don't get it. He's silly :)

Oh, yeah, right, Heavy. Heavy and Medic definitely do have a connection established. I left it out in Heavy's section, mostly because I want to give focus onto Heavy as a character and leave Medic out of it. Heavy already gets piss pour treatment by the fandom, where he's just reduced to "the other guy" in every ship. He doesn't deserve that...

But, yeah, Medic and Heavy certainly is kinda pushed. Medic and Heavy duos in the game aren't that uncommon, as Heavy is a good tank and Medic can hide behind him, leading to Heavy more or less becoming a stream of bullets to mow down anybody nearby. In Meet the Medic, Medic experiments on Heavy's heart and the big climactic end has him activating the übercharge on Heavy. In the comics themselves, Classic Heavy, the inverse of our normal Heavy, is antagonistic and extremely rude towards Medic. The complete and utter opposite of what Heavy and Medic had back in the day. Then finally he shows up when Medic is literally About To Die.

Blah blah blah, there's a lot of stuff relating back to Heavy and Medic at the VERY LEAST having some sort of ties and liking to each other. That's the reason why there's like 1100+ fics on Ao3 tagged with them.

Medic is a silly goober as previously mentioned. As shown in the Engineer section, he experiments on random civilians. I like to imagine that he doesn't particularly do random fucked up experiments on the RED team, but rather he more or less does everything on civilians. He enjoys putting somebody through pain and suffering, but he wants it to mean something. He doesn't want to just mess with people. He tests out the bounds of which a person can go to, which he does on random people he plucks off the street because there's replaceable to him. His teammates? Not so much.

Oh, and also the Classic Team. He doesn't care about these people. They suck! They aren't his friends. So he just does. this sort of stuff.

He's a bit special. Love him dearly for it.

Sniper, Aww Piss

The Sniper, real name Mick Mundy (real birth name being Mun-Dee), is an young Aussie from the outback. Yes. Young. This man is roughly 30 in 1972 (when the comics take place). Can't you tell by how stereotypically young he looks? Sniper fights using a sniper rifle (duh), an SMG (or other items), and a kukri (big knife).

He's one of the most level-headed of the mercs. Not sane, but rather a man who sticks to being professional and a set of rules. Despite this more refined sense of mercenary work, his parents don't exactly support him being a crazed gunman. Also his parents aren't his biological ones.

That's right, Sniper is adopted. Why do we care? Because he's not Australian, but rather from New Zealand. New Zealand is at the bottom of the ocean, by the way. In 1932 they sunk their entire country because Bill-Bel, Sniper's dad, convinced everyone that the world was going to become an uninhabitable wasteland if they didn't otherwise do this. Ten years later, and when little baby Mun-Dee was born, Bill-Bel and his wife began working on a rocket to escape to space because now they were convinced that earth was going to explode or something. They only built the rocket big enough for one person though, so they fought over who would survive. While fighting, Mun-Dee crawled into it, was shot up into the sky, and then crash landed immediately onto Australia.

So Sniper is Superman.

Also, remember how I said that Sniper sticks to rules and such? Yeah, apparently being a professional also means throwing jars of piss at people. Jarate, a form of jar-based karate invented by Saxton Hale, owner of MannCo.

Sniper's just like that.

Spy, Fr*ch

The Spy, real name unknown, is the second most mysterious character. He's from France (no idea where particularly) and he's just kinda. yeah. There. He fights using his butterfly knife, which he can instantly kill anybody he backstabs, a revolver, and a sapper so he can destroy the Engineer's buildings. Also, an invisibility watch, where he's able to cloak himself and become invisible, and the ability to disguise himself as the enemy team.

The Spy is a richy-rich upperclassman. He likes the finer things in life. Smoking, wine, expensive suits, all that. He's a lot more refined and generally snobbish than the other mercs. However, I don't think of him as exactly mean or rude. Definitely stuck-up, but he cares about his teammates. In Expiration Date, he takes the time to ask everyone what their final wish is. When that's a bust, he then happily spends time with Scout and teaching him how to get ladies.

Ah, yes, right. Scout and Spy. Spy is actually the Scout's father. It's a theory that has been around since the release of Meet the Spy, with the RED Spy being in pornography staring Scout's mother. It's been tossed around and hinted at, with their dynamic and Expiration Date as well as a couple references to Spy and DNA tests. Then, in The Naked and the Dead comic, it's pretty much outright confirmed. While Scout is bleeding out and on the verge of death, Spy takes a moment to finally give Scout some peace.

...while disguised as Tom Jones, of course.

I could go on and on about this scene and how I feel about Spy's characterization and his dynamic with Scout, but blah blah blah...yeah. Spy TF2.

Annnddd that's it for now! Basic summary of it all. The characters, the lore, all of it. I've reached the image limit and have been sort of dancing around it for a while now. Hope this was informative. Toodles!!

[helloaugustmoon]

·˚ ◌༘͙[tiktoks] ! ˊ

- will update as and when good ones show up on the fyp -

these are tiktoks that I just know he would’ve been…

loving:

smooth criminal game - the editing on this?? pls he’d have wanted to make a whole concept album on being inside a video game

heeee’s baaaad - oh you KNOW he liked feelin bad

badass moonwalker - this ??? he’d have had this framed if he could, I’m convinced

smooth criminal transition - edits w transitions as clean as this he would be watching ON A LOOP

another transition - same point as previous; he’d def integrate clean transitions like this into mv’s and shows if he saw them

the legend - ok so he’d laugh at the first part of this one but then find the rest of it to be just so <333

smooth SMOOTH criminal - honestly any well made Smooth Criminal edit n he’s all over it

the goat - oh he loves us gassin him up let’s not play about

hugs - you just know he’d see this and feel an actual pain in his chest knowing we all want to give him the biggest hugs pls

smooth criminal x moonwalker - this is a literal work of art and Michael would have ADORED it

thriller - oh he’d be all over this

take my hand - this would’ve made him cry as much as it makes us cry

laughing at:

silly guy - we all know this’d have him gigglin

gentleman - the concept of edits like this would have him so shy but the ones w funny intros like this would make him laugh sm

this man is - same point as previous, the concept is alien to him but the humour?? hits

running away from wedding - oh he’d be CACKLING

you are mine - bro caught in 4K

defending him - no bc he was a pacifist through and through but also THE petty king like don’t get it twisted

reacting - he’d find the editing style w sound effects like this hilarious don’t argue

wtf did you just say - no bc this would crack him up so bad

close to midnight - undeniably his fav genre of tiktoks and that’s not up for debate

double cheeked up - he’d be in hiding for 8 business days after seeing this bc he’d be too shy to face us for generating this kind of content

what a shmuck - this isn’t an edit but Ik he’d laugh at himself in this clip

silly goofy - he’s just a silly guy and he knows it so his fans pointing that out would have him chuckling fr

relatable - the idea of fans making memes of him that they find relatable would be soooo funny to him

relatable 2 - exact same as previous

me when I lie - envisioning his exact response to this and it’s just: 🤭

wtf did you just say part 2 - AGAIN w this humour in sound effects he would love it sm

caught in 4K v2.0 - petty king and we all know it

too much going on - the audio omg he’d be running away laughing

clutching pearls - the way I just know he’d try to deny this the modest bastard

bro movin like - he’d be giggling at himself sm bc of us on this goddamn app

sunglasses - he wouldn’t find himself funny in this clip without the music in the background and that singlehandedly makes it funny to him

promise? 🫵🏻🤨 - literally just adding the text over it makes him giggle

bombastic side eye - no bc he would have no idea he was doin all this on instinct until he saw it back

[fle4bag]

The Lost Boys Snapchat tingz

(No idea if they’re able to show up in pictures with modern devices BUT I’m assuming that they can)

• I just want to start off with what made me think about this in the first place— Dwayne is just interested in the filters. Laddie started crying when Dwayne put one on him.

• I don’t think Dwayne would use it for himself too much. Just cute pictures of you and the boys with captions of how grateful he is.

• However, you know how when you’re a kid and you get like a camera or something AND JUST START SNAPPING PICTURES OF LIKE A FIREPLACE OR SOMETHING— That’s Laddie. In the middle of the most heartfelt paragraph there’s just a random ass picture of Paul mid fall or like a shop sign.

• Paul in one image:

• And as soon as he figures out how stories work… omg.

• I don’t think he keeps up that attitude long though after seeing Marko’s story.

• Marko is a little silly, goofy if you will. It’s mostly pictures of his forehead, pigeons, or like shit that’s out of focus.

• Just really stupid shit.

• and it only gets worse when Paul and Marko start snapping pictures of each other without noticing.

• David doesn’t use the story feature.

• I used to take pictures of my friends and family from afar, zoom really close to their faces, and then send it to them. David does that for his own amusement.

• It’s his priority to capture y’all in the most outlandish way. From the ceiling, from the ground— like fucking Pennywise or something, through like the crack of a door, from the sky like a fucking military aircraft camera they use to capture shitty videos of aliens.

• Star is adorable. Bless her.

• She does OOTD and cute pictures of her, Laddie, and sometimes Michael.

• very VERY artsy pictures taken around the boardwalk. I think she’d show off some of her drawings and such.

[myfaveisfuckable]

Ianto:

Wears suits, looks like an English gentleman, or rather tea boy, tries to be as normal and boring as one could to not gain to much attention. Is the coffee maker/barista of his team (but he does the best one, so it's good he is doing that). He is the receptionist at a tourist information office

That's what everyone sees. A suit wearing polite unassuming restrained teaboy.

Now, behind the quiet facade:

The tourist office is actually a cover, as behind that office an alien hunting institute is located for which he actually works as assistant/butler, cleaner, driver, catologust and researcher and is good on field missions. He is the boy for everything. In the basement of that institute, he has hidden his girlfriend who had been modified by cybermen to turn into a cyberwoman as well. He hoped, he will find a cure. Unfortunately there was none before she escaped and tried to kill him and his team. His pet pterodactyl and his boss killed her.

At one point, Ianto allowed a slave trader to take his boss. Ianto later rescued him from this after all.

Eventually he fell in love and got together with his boss and they can be broken together forever. (Unfortunately not, but we are disillusioned and don't want to know that one of them dies permanently at one point.)

+ improper usage of a stopwatch

+ he bought pet insurance for his pterodactyl while he tried to land a spaceship (he is no pilot, he knows shit about landing a flying vehicle, he tried to land that thing with the help of a lady from a call center in Izmir, Turkey)

+ he shot his boss (yes, the one he is in love with) in the head to check if he is the real one and not someone/something else pretending to be the boss (don't worry, boss is unable to stay dead)

And I think I was just scratching on the surface. There is definitely a not normal person behind that normal wall he had build as his appearance.

Pete:

starts off as the comic relief side character. gets kidnapped and tortured. laughs in the face of the man electrocuting his dick. ends up sleeping with him later (by choice. like he wants him), decides he's in love witht he single most crazy unhinged character in the show and reduces him to like crying in his noodles because Pete escaped the safe house torture/sex dungeon where he was kinda a prisoner. shoots his man in the arm (to keep from being killed by other people), beats the shit out of him (that one is for personal reasons), the man confesses his undying love and kisses him before running off, pete chases after him, has to point a gun at him again, the man runs off, pete quits his job and chases after him again, pete stops the man from killing himself and is like "I'm your pet, you're my owner, you have to feed me" (it's a callback from their days in the safehouse torture/sex dungeon), the man gets shot by someone else, and pete goes crazy kills the guy who shot him. so yeah he's totally just a silly comic relief character

(^little video that shows how not normal he is lol. cw for torture and violence)