#just because you yourself don't find some of the stuff offensive doesn't mean no one else does

[brebug242posts]

Monster high fandom is wild af

[but-a-humble-hellsite-user]

I created this blog for one purpose - civil arguments against radfems and/or TERFs (I've seen some people belonging to those groups use one, some use the other, and some use both).

It is my strongly-held belief that the online/Tumblr trans movement fails at discourse in several ways, most notably telling radfems/TERFs to kill themselves wherever they pop up. (Technically speaking, Tumblr users do this with everyone they deem problematic, but that certainly doesn't make it acceptable.) This helps no one, and fosters animosity everywhere, as well as normalizing this sort of extremely bad behavior.

I have a few other problems with the mainstream trans movement. If you've read this far, I hope it's clear that I am not a TERF/radfem, but seek to argue with them civilly instead of by saying "kys terf (look how strong my argument is 😎)"

I will try my best to be as civil as possible on this blog. However, I am a human being, prone to irrationality and bad behavior just like everyone else. If I fuck up and say something unacceptable, please do tell me.

That said, you will never see death/rape/anything-of-that-sort threats coming from me. Fun fact: it is staggeringly easy to not wish for people's deaths on the internet!* Just remember that's a person you're talking to and ask yourself "Do I really want to be this hateful and rude because someone said something I don't like?"

As of this post being written, I don't block people. I can't see this policy changing unless someone committed some extremely egregious offense** against me that merited it.

There are no DNIs on this blog and you'll probably never find any. That said, if you bring racism, anti-Semitism, misogyny***, homophobia****, or similar sentiment onto this blog, I will tell you to fuck off because that is very much not welcome here.

Lastly, I am trans. (I will probably never state more about myself than that.) I will acknowledge this. This means that, yes, I may find myself biased in some respects, and I will try to keep that in mind.

*Oh yeah, I will sometimes probably be sarcastic, mildly angry, etc. on this blog. As stated, I am a human being, so please tell me if I say something fucked up. However, apart from that, this is a blog that is civil, but certainly not one where I will never use humor, anger, memes, or normal internet user stuff. I have emotions.

**No, that is not equivalent to "someone said something I don't like". To me, "egregious offense" means "you put racist comments on all my posts" or "you sent death threats in my inbox" or similar.

***I mean actual misogyny. I most certainly don't deny that trans women face misogyny in unique ways, but there is nuance here and I am not about to go around claiming that any criticism of mainstream trans movements is misogyny. "Trans women are disgusting and should be killed" is (trans)misogyny, just like "women are disgusting and should be killed" is misogyny. "A lot of online trans spaces seem to be encouraging bad behavior" is not.

****Same with homophobia. "Gay people should go to hell" is homophobia. "Online queer culture sometimes promotes entitlement and here's why I think that" is not.

[apocalypseornaw]

Bad Idea

Bobby told you to stay away from Sam. You knew he wasn't the same man you'd known after Dean's death, you knew he was involved with Ruby but despite all of that you had to make one final plea rather to say goodbye or remind him of who he was

Warnings: cursing,mention of blood drinking?, NSFW stuff happening

It'd taken you two days to track Sam down between hunts. You weren't sure what you would say when you got to him or even if he'd speak to you, chances were Ruby was following him around like an annoying evil bitch of a puppy that you'd love nothing more than to stab with her own knife.

You pulled up to the outside of a motel that couldn't be described as anything but shitty and you had squatted in a few abandoned houses with the boys and Bobby in the past on hunts. You weren't sure what to expect but you parked your mustang next to the impala which would always be easy to spot. You'd called ahead and had luckily guessed what alias Sam had used.

You locked your car then walked to the door of room two fifty five. You owed it to Dean and to Sam to at least try to get him to come to Bobby's with you. You knocked after checking that you had holy water in your jacket pocket and the feel of your gun at your back was a familiar weight.

----------

A moment later the door opened to reveal a haggard looking Sam. Dark circles under his eyes along with a hollow look in them. It hurt you to see him like this. "Y/N what are you doing here? How did you find me?" You pushed past him into the room, clocking every corner to ensure it was just him before you said "I may not be Dean but I do know you pretty well"

He raised both eyebrows slightly then a smirk almost appeared on his face but he quickly buried it "Well you found me. What do you want? I mean I'm not coming back to Bobby's" you nodded turning to face him "I figured that. Look I just wanna talk. Is it just gonna be you? I mean can I take my jacket off or am I gonna have to fight that black eyed skank before the night's out, cause honestly I haven't been having the best last few weeks either so I'm down to play either way"

He laughed at that, the sound was a hollow echo of his usual laugh. "She's not coming here" you nodded. You pulled your jacket off and draped it across his duffle bag. "Gonna lay your gun down or am I a threat?" You shrugged "I don't want to consider you a threat" you laid the gun down on top of your jacket then turned to face him. He wasn't high, he looked like maybe he'd hit withdraws, rather lack of blood from Ruby not being around or his own choice you weren't sure.

----------

"Why are you doing this Sam? I get it, losing Dean hurt. Hell it hurt me and Bobby too" he cut you off by shaking his head "Y/N no offense but you didn't watch your only family get ripped to shreds by a hellhound because he made a deal to save your life"

His words hurt on some level of course but you knew the Winchesters well enough to know their defense mechanisms. "He might have been your only blood left but he's not your only family Sam. I'm here, Bobby would be there for you. We love you"

He took a step towards you and it took everything in you to keep your feet planted. He wouldn't normally be a threat to you but this Sam? The air around him felt off, wrong. He wasn't quite the man you'd known for years but you knew that man was still in there. "Then why did you just drop into a fighting stance?" He asked glancing down towards your body. You hadn't realized you moved until he pointed it out, you'd done it on instinct alone.

"I haven't seen you in weeks Sam. I want to trust that I'm safe with you but some of the choices you're making doesn't help" He nodded stepping even closer to you and this time you allowed yourself the movement of stepping back, putting breathing room between you and him put also putting your back to a wall.

----------

You glanced towards your jacket and the gun that laid atop it. You had a knife stuck into your boot but could you really use it on Sam?

He chuckled darkly placing a hand on either side of your head meaning he effectively had you trapped between his body and the wall "You forgetting I know you too? You just clocked your gun and the knife that's in your left boot" the last words he spoke you could feel his warm breath fanning over your neck "Could you kill me? Be honest"

You turned to meet his eyes. Fuck he was close and despite everything you could feel your stomach jerk when his eyes trailed over your body. Why the hell had you come here alone? You swallowed hard "To save my life? Yeah I could kill you" he smiled "I've always loved that damn fire about you"

His head lowered to your neck, causing a gasp to escape you when his tongue flicked out over your pulse point. "I've always thought about how it would be" "What?" You asked, trying to control your breathing. This wasn't how you expected the night to go.

---------

He leaned back to be eye to eye with you "Why did you really come here? When I know for a fact Bobby would've told you not to, that I'm too unpredictable and unreliable now" "I couldn't say goodbye to you without it being face to face" you replied and he smiled again "So you're here to say goodbye?"

You nodded, your gaze flicking down to his lips then back up to his eyes. "Yeah, I am" "I don't think that's all you want" you couldn't think straight. So much had happened in such a short time. You'd fucking missed him so much and damn you'd wanted him for years.

"Fuck it" you muttered before pulling him down to you. The moment your lips touched his he groaned into the kiss. You tangled your fingers into his hair tugging roughly as he deepened the kiss, rolling his tongue against yours. His large hands gripped your hips tightly causing you to gasp against his lips.

He broke away from you long enough to rest his forehead against yours "You want this?" You nodded, not trusting your voice but he shook his head "Verbal confirmation Y/N" "I want this" you spoke and he grinned "Good"

His hands went to the hem of your shirt and you moved to help him pull it over your head. He chucked the thin material behind him then leaned down to take one of your clothed breasts into his mouth. "Fuck Sam" you groaned, feeling your knees weaken and the wetness between your legs grow. He smiled against your chest "I love that"

---------

Before you knew it he had your bra off along with his shirt and was moving to pull your jeans off your legs. "I'll take my time later but right now I want to feel that pretty little pussy stretched around me"

He kicked his jeans off then picked you up, wrapping your legs around his waist and lining himself up with your opening "You're sure?" He asked one final time "Just fuck me Sam" you begged and that was all it took. He buried himself inside of you with one thrust.

Your head fell back in a silent scream. Fuck he was big. He moved to support your back against the wall, catching your lips in a hungry kiss while he let you adjust to him. You chased his lips even as he pulled back to look at your face "I'm good. Just move please"

----------

He sat a grueling pace, each thrust of his hips making you see stars despite the chances of your back being bruised the following day from it digging into the wall behind you.

Your fingers dug into his forearms, looking for something to ground yourself amongst the pleasure coursing through your body. "Can you take more baby?" He asked and you nodded "I can take it" he shifted his hips just slightly but it was enough to push you over the edge. Your vision went hazy around the edges when your orgasm washed over you, your fingernails biting into his skin.

You could feel his thrusts getting sloppily and knew he was close. You moved your hand just enough to push his sweat soaked hair out his face "Come for me Sam. Fill me up, let me feel it" at your words his thrusts got harder and faster, his eyes screwed shut as he chased that release. His hands were gripping you hard enough to leave bruises but you didn't care. When he buried himself deep inside of you with one final thrust the feeling of his release pushed you over the edge causing you to tighten around him as another orgasm washed through you.

He laughed breathlessly leaning his forehead against yours "Was that our goodbye or can I have a little more time with you?" You turned your head to catch his lips in a lingering kiss "You can have a little more time"

---------

He turned with you in his arms to walk over to the bed. He laid you down, gently pulling out "I was hoping I'd get a little longer with you if this is goodbye" you reached for his hand and pulled him onto the bed with you "No more talking"

The only proof Sam had of the night between you and him ever happening was a letter he found a week later in his jacket pocket that read "Find me if you figure out where you truly belong"

He shoved it back into his pocket before following Ruby out the door of the place he was currently squatting at. He had to do things his way and you deserved better than he could give.

Part 2

[bananasfosterparent]

@oonalovesastarionssimpleplans

Moving to a text post because it's more comfortable. But hold on...

I mean no offense, but no one needs permission or guidelines (especially from another fan) for how they're "allowed" to enjoy AA and to get berated for "not understanding the character" when they understand him perfectly fine. Just differently.

Is it truly that hard to fathom that some people enjoy the actual character and the dynamic that happens between him and Tav/Durge and not (just) the sexy stuff?

Is it truly that hard to imagine that there are people who enjoy AA outside of the (very mild) sexual content?

Do you only see the ascended ending as some sexy fantasy with nothing else to offer?

Larian themselves did not call it his "bad" ending. The only person who said that was a certain cowriter. Said cowriter was not saying it in an official capacity and was sharing their opinions.

Want to know something? The spawn ending felt more like failing him to me. And that's simply just how it felt. Can't change that as there's no reason to.

Anyone can claim how Tav is "supposed" to feel during a certain scene or event. Even some one shiny and "official". But that does not make it canon information if it isn't actually stated in the game. It really doesn't mean anything in relation to roleplay, except that it's just one way out of many to interpret that game event.

No writer, cowriter, or fellow fan can actually tell someone how that person's Tav feels because only that person can say. That's what roleplaying is.

Regardless of the co-writer's intentions for a specific message or agenda in the story, unfortunately, due to the nature of the game and individual experience, every person is going to interpret the same information differently. As they are supposed to. That's the point of the game.

Yes, there are people who ascend him just because it's sexy. I have seen people admit things, like how they'd never ascend him or could never do "that" to him for roleplay, but they still ascend him just to see the romance scene. I've seen people admit they'd never ascend him for roleplay reasons or dislike AA overall, but are glad to find clips of the romance scene online so they can still enjoy it. Honestly if that's how they enjoy the character and game, that's their choice.

But the people who usually do that are not the people who call themselves AA fans. Because the people who do that don't typically enjoy that version of him, only parts of it. And that's fine! But you cannot lump us all together.

I don't know a single AA fan who prefers the ending SOLELY for the sexual content or the "sexy Vampire" fantasy. I don't know a single AA fan's Tav who ascended him solely because they wanted to be with the "sexy vampire". There's always a roleplay reason well beyond that. Unfortunately, no matter what any cowriter says, personal interpretation and roleplay comes first, thanks to the nature of this game.

And, while I appreciate the way you and the cowriter and many others interpret his story, I cannot and do not interpret it that way, based on my own trauma experiences, my own biases, my own individual understanding, AND my own desire for the kind of narrative I want to tell. And that isn't just me. That goes for every single person as an individual who plays the game.

Like it or not, this is a roleplaying game. Heavy on the roleplay. With this game specifically, the individual player's interpretation of canon information comes first before any writer's intent. That does not render the cowriter's agenda null and void, as many people (like yourself) see it the same way, but it does mean that there is more than one way to interpret this story, and ignoring or berating others for simply connecting to his story in a different way, saying it's "provocative and untrue", is quite honestly inconsiderate and condescending. And wrong.

Yes, posting anything to the internet is going to warrant a response from people who disagree. Everyone who posts anything online knows that. However, there's zero reason to actively be the one saying the negative things. Especially when it's about something innocent and fun.

[ticklyblues]

YOUR FIRST FIC WAS SO CUTE AAAAAAAA!!!!!

if you wouldn't mind another request, I would love to see ler!gwen and lee!pavitr!!! their dynamic is a missed opportunity in general, but also, there's barely any gwen tk content unless it's a buncha people ganging up on one personnnnn!!!!!

ANYWAYS, I think gwen going after pavitr because he's overworking himself w/school and spider stuff to force him to take a break would be neat. or just any concept where she's trying to get him to do/say something!!!

uhHhh, if you want specific spots, I hc pav to have chin and lower back melt spots and his underarms as a death spot!!! but with your lovely writing, you could probably use anything, and I'd agree wholeheartedly

sorry for the essay!!!! blows kisses /p

Thank you so much, thats so nice of you to say all that! Also I 100% agree I do not see enough gwen content in general and she definitely deserves some!

Blows kisses back !! /p

Taking Breaks

856 words

Lee!Pavitr

Ler!Gwen

CW: minimal swearing

It was a pretty slow day at the spider society. As usual, there was some new Peter, some old Prowler, and some everyday disasters. Nothing they'd need their "small elite strike force" for, though. Starving, Gwen made her way over to the cafeteria to find some spider-themed delicacy to wolf down.

"Spider-donuts, spider-cupcakes, spider-popsicles... hm. I feel like that one might be a little offensive." Mumbling to herself, she grabbed a few spider-sandwhiches and started inhaling her first one.

BUZZZZZZZ!!!

There goes the 11:30AM alarm. Miguel likes to keep things orderly, so he has bells every 30 minutes to keep track of time in a "neat" way, as he describes it. Gwen's hair messed itself up as she snapped her head to look at the clock. "Shit!" she whisper-yelled, she was supposed to meet up for Pavitr's lunch break 15 minutes ago!

In a split second, she was travelling to his dimension, sandwhiches in hand. "He doesn't even LIKE tomatoes..." Grumbling as she tossed the sandwhich abominations into the void, she prayed that he wouldn't mind her tardiness. Despite his occasional sarcasm, he was still a pretty forgiving guy.

Out of breath, she finally reached his school roof, their unofficial "meeting place". There was a surprising quietness in the air, meaning there was no way Pav could even be in Mumbattan, let alone school. The dude has pretty chaotic energy, okay?

Gwen doesn't have to look around to know this. While she thought it was odd that he'd be even more late than her, she found it in herself to wait. After what felt like an eternity, he finally bursted through a portal, still wearing his spidersuit.

"Woah, Gwen! I am SO sorry you had to wait for me, I had some spider stuff to take care of and on top of that I have, like, 4 papers due and-"

"No, no, no! I totally understand, dude. Besides, I just got here too." She didn't mind lying just this once, it was for Pav's sake after all. "You sound exhausted though... you alright?"

"Yep! Totally alright over here! Don't worry, Gwenny. I know how to manage my duties!" His totally-not-stressed tone might've fooled her, if he didn't have that weird grin on his face. Gwen knew, whenever Pavitr Prabhakar pulled out that fake smile that didn't even show all his teeth, something was up.

"Pav, are you sure? You know you can talk to me about this sort of thing, right? You really don't have to overwork yourself with all this, especially since you're still in school. I don't have anything on my plate, let me handle the spider stuff for you, it's the least I could do"

"Bro, I swear! I don't need to take a break from anything. I love what I do, it's almost too easy! Besides, even if I was overworking myself, there isn't much you can do to- EEK!"

Alright, she had been provoked. Gwen started clawing at his belly, pinning him to the hard, concrete roof with her free hand. Pavitr's loud, airy laugh filled the city's sky.

"Gwhhehehehen!!" Out came his smile. The dorky smile that showed all his teeth and truthfully, looked kind of stupid. But that smile was his, and he wore it proudly.

"Pavvvv!" Gwen whined, mockingly. "But seriously, dude. You gotta relax for once. The first step is realizing that's what you need!" Sensing this wasn't going anywhere as is, she quickly flipped him over and started tracing his lower back.

Pavitr almost turned into jelly at this. Even though he quieted down a little, his attempt at a backwards fetal position spoke volumes.

"Plehahaeeseeee?" Barely being able to form words at this point, he tried his best to look up at the Spiderwoman and make a sort of frowny face. Gwen snorted at this. "Puppy eyes aren't gonna work on me, pal! All you have to do is let me take over for you for a little bit."

Wanting a little more of a reaction, she gently flipped him back over and tried scratching at his underarms. Nothing could have prepared her for the borderline HELLISH shriek that came out of that boy's mouth.

"HEHEHEHELPPPP!!!! GWHEHEHEEENNNN I'LL DO ANYTHIHIHIHING!!" This was a lie, and Gwen knew it, obviously. If he really meant it, he would've told her to stop by now. Staying at his armpits, the Ghost-Spider switched techniques to vibrating softly. If before's screams were considered hellish, she wouldn't even know what to call these ones.

"EEEEEEEKKKKK!!!" Feeling bad for the guy, she moved her hands upwards to the little spot under his chin. Going back to melt-mode, Pav tried his best to get his words out. "Fihihihihineee!! I'll let you tahahahake overrrr!"

Pulling her hands back, Gwen helped him get up. She was glad he could finally relax, now that she'd be replacing him for the time being.

Pavitr's break ended with him and Gwen, drinking tea and spending time in eachothers presence. They didn't talk, and they didn't need to. Because they knew that no words needed to be exchanged for them to be as close as they were.

[egg-emperor]

I generally wouldn't see myself as the kind of guy to be equipped to give advice to anyone lol. but in closing I'd like to share what I've learned and what I'm trying my absolute hardest to embody going forward

don't ever let people hold you back from creating what you want and expressing yourself the way you want to. don't let people hide parts of yourself and stop yourself from doing what makes you happy. if people want to take offense at you having fun and enjoying yourself or trying to say it's at their expense simply by existing and doing your thing, pay no mind. people will have their feelings, thoughts and assumptions but you know your heart and intentions.

you don't have to change who you are as a person at your core to make others happy. there's billions of people out there and many more that the people that don't like you can find with stuff that they actually like. so it means you can too and also that people that do really like you for you will find you too! you don't have to repress or change everything about yourself to get them to stay, it doesn't work because it's never enough for those types of people anyway. accept it and find peace in it instead

I'm not changing a single thing about who I am in my heart and what I'm passionate about like some want from me. I feel the only thing that needed to change is my attitude and approach to it for a healthier more positive one. just shifting my mindset to not let myself get all caught up in expectations and ideas of me or feel guilt for not appealing to everyone because it's impossible. for understanding when it's time to move on and finding people that do like me and what I have to give. and just getting back to the point of it all, having fun and sharing thoughts and creativity

that's what will end up making natural, positive, beneficial changes to yourself instead of forced ones that will make you unhappy. don't give up your soul, passion, energy and happiness and keep doing what you love 💜

[insomniac-ships]

hi! i have a few questions about proshipping.

what is it, exactly? most of the stuff i've found is from an anti perspective and i want to hear from a pro perspective

also, is it kind of like pro-choice where you can respect peoples right to do something while not doing it yourself? so like respecting people for reading/shipping whatever they want while you might not ship those kinds of ships/engage in the content?

like for me, my trauma definitely impacts the content that i engage in, but i understand that people deal with trauma in their own way and that can come in proshipping (not that everyone who is a pro shipper has trauma)

sorry if any of this is worded wrongly and/or offensively. thank you for taking the time to read this and if you answer this :)

Hello there, Anon! ♡ Questions are always welcome!

(Any instances of "you" are intended as a general "you", not directed at you in particular, anon!)

Proship is, at the very core, very simple!

Ship and let ship -> a similar enough idea to pro-choice, yes! It just means that you're allowed to ship things I personally dislike, and vice versa, as long as no one is being harassed or directly, intentionally, and maliciously harmed in the process.

Don't like? Don't read. (DL;DR) -> if you know you don't like a trope/ship/character/etc., don't go out of your way to search for it, and certainly don't go around leaving nasty comments on stuff you don't like. Just close the tab, or hit the back button, and be on your way.

Dead Dove: Do Not Eat (DDDNE or just dead dove) -> similar to DL;DR, but with emphasis on tagging. Essentially, it means "read the tags and don't be surprised when you encounter said tagged topics in this particular work". This goes both ways, for author/artist and for reader/viewer. Authors and artists have the responsibility to tag their works accurately and thoroughly, and provide content or trigger warnings when necessary. Readers and viewers have the responsibility to fully read the provided tags, filter out topics they find upsetting or triggering, and to know their own limits. In the event that someone is triggered or squicked out by something they didn't realize would be an issue, it's also their responsibility to take a step back and practice some self care while they calm down. ♡

The Golden Rule -> simply, treat others how you would want to be treated. This should apply to everyday life, as well as when interacting with folks in fandom spaces.

A few more things!

× Proship, as a stance, is also inherently anti-harassment. No one should be harassed, ostracized, or abused because of their likes and dislikes regarding fiction. (However, I'm also not naive enough to believe that no proshipper has ever harassed an anti. No community is flawless, and I don't doubt we've had our share of dirtbags.)

× Not all proshippers like "problematic" ships. We all have different limits and boundaries when it comes to what we enjoy and what we are squicked out by.

× Creating or consuming dead dove content as a tool for coping with trauma doesn't work for everyone. But for those it does help, it can provide a sense of control over traumatic situations, offer a safe and controlled means of catharsis, assist in recontexualizing trauma, and help people connect with other survivors and find a sense of community. Sometimes it's nice to know you aren't alone in your experiences. ♡

× I have never personally seen a proshipper say with their whole chest that "fiction doesn't affect reality". What I have seen said is "fiction is not reality, don't treat it as such" and "fiction does not impact reality on a 1:1 ratio". Reading, writing, drawing, thinking, or creating something fictional is not the same thing as actually Doing The Thing in real life.

Also, just to clear it up: proship does not mean "problematic ship", despite what many antis like to say. The prefix "pro-" is just the opposite of the prefix "anti-".

This, uh... got longer than I intended. Sorry about that! I hope this answers your question, and if you have anything else to ask, don't hesitate! ♡

And if other proship folks have anything to add, please do!

[sublimecatgalaxy]

hello lovely!! can i request literally anything with negan please? i’m so glad that you love him as much as i do🥰

side note but i feel so exclusive being able to request lol

Bestie I never get Negan things so I appreciate this. Warning bestie, keeping spoilers as vague as possible and keeping the situation as vague as possible.

Maggie has every right to hate Negan and want nothing but to put in six feet under. She has every right to want to keep him as far away from the little remaining family she has left- Hershel, the people she's met along the way, the original group.

He's grown a lot since his time ruling the Sanctuary, no more minions to oversee, no more countless wives to do what he pleases with. He's a normal-ish guy, working in the fields after a decade in prison. I'd like to say that he's managed to grow and learn a lot, develop a perspective towards the people he's hurt. I've seen it- how he interacts with Judith, how he tends to his job and doesn't stray, how he gives his input but doesn't expect people to care about his opinion.

But sometimes- god- Maggie is unrelenting.

She's very open about the fact that she doesn't care if Negan dies or not, that she would offer him up to a group of walkers without hesitation if it meant she could keep herself safe and the others alive. He's expendable in her eyes but we all, the council, were in agreement that he could introduce himself into society once more and try to make ammends.

"Maggie, it's fine, I just need to head into the city to see if I can find anymore medical supplies. After the whisperers, we're low." I urge but she just looks between Negan and I, not totally convinced. "Like you always say, I'm a good shot but I'm distracted. Negan's not distracted." His head hangs low as a small smile stretches across his lips and I fight the urge to reach over a shove him.

"Except when he's with you." Maggie mutters, reaching forward to pat me on the shoulder. "Take a gun, take a few duffle bags and find us some good stuff." She says before walking swiftly away from us, not giving Negan another glance. I turn to the man with wide, eager eyes, clapping my hands.

"Mom said yes!" He laughs, shaking his head at me before quickly turning to duck down into the car. I follow quickly after him, slipping down into the passenger seat with a huff, kicking my feet up on the dash.

"Now, don't take this the wrong way but," Negan says, putting the car into drive as he sends me a sideways look, "what's got you so chipper today?" He asks as he pulls away from Alexandria, my brows raising teasingly at him. "No offense but I don't think I've ever seen you in this good of a mood, kid-"

"Ugh, kid." I groan, my previous smile I had on my face now fading into a look of disgust, my nose scrunching.

"What? Can't give you nicknames now?" He asks, turning to look at me briefly, his eyes shining in the sunlight that streams down on our vehicle, rays dancing through the sun roof.

"Call me anything but kid- I'm no kid, Negan, you know better than anyone." He scoffs, not taking my seriously until he spots my smirk out of the corner of his eyes, his jaw slacking as my feet sway on the dashboard.

"Goddamn- are you flirting with me?"

"We're out of Maggie's earshot, you can stop pretending you're not wildly attracted to me." I sing, watching him shift in his seat but not because he's uncomfortable, but because, after months of prying his brain open and getting to know him, we're finally alone.

"Wildly huh? You talk a big game for someone who can't get on their damn horse without a knight in shining armor-"

"It was one time." I groan, burying my face in my hands as his laughter bellows through the small vehicle, the sound making my stomach flutter. "Do I need to remind you of all the times you've embarrassed yourself in front of me?" I ask, watching the ways his cheeks darken a bit, his eyes looking anywhere but me.

"No ma'am, I'm afraid that list would be a lot longer and way more mean."

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o- Taglist: @bubblebuttwade @rafelover2405 @leslienjazzy @sorceresss @grxnde-dwt @alex–awesome–22 @bunnietoof @niyamar1e @serialghost @plantlungs @geniusohn @akaliltimmytim @lilaalouuxx @xshariex @elliotsbeigeguitar @elle4404 @lelieja @srhxpci @joselyn001 @taysirene @spinkspanther @thedivineuphoria @peter-maximoffs @tsukishimawhore @poohkie90 @szlaco @distantsighs @nstyles4299 @wolflover384 @givemefoodandlovesstuff @vane28282 @yeswhatever33 @amirrahfranson @vvaalleennttiinna @f-mu @yaspillz @jeyramarie @skylievin@abbybarnes17 @jointherebellion215 @visiondaddy

@steezysimfinds @its-ya-gay-boi-luigi @crunchytoenailsyum@glizzymcguirex @beth123lg @melovesmut @rafecameronswhore @ariianelle @write-from-the-heart @vampviolets@haylee-e@popehaywardssecretgf @honee-chai-tea @lokiandbuckywife @smoke-and-fire @officiallyunofficialperson@heyaitsklaudia@rosepetalsparks @bluetreecloud20 @scenesofobx @double-shot-of-tequila @1dluver13xx @colbysbrocks @iamasimpingh0e @smoke-and-fire386 @loveshineslikethesky @id-3-kbro @diorsitgirl @errorfound101-allideasburnedout @neverwillknowme18 @ellyskey @taylors-folk @loversjoy @myaloveee @thyris-is @lagataprrr @aaaaslaaaan @minjix @luvrosee @storytellingwitht @savageneversaw @starlightandfairies

[olderthannetfic]

RE enjoying HP content: Personally I don't give two shits about HP, but I'll admit, I have a hard time justifying the "Don't engage in HP fandom!" stance. Not giving the creator money and only pirating stuff from the franchise, fine, makes sense. But the argument that people shouldn't even engage in fandom feels strange, because I can't really separate it from the age-old "You shouldn't participate in X fandom because one of the people involved in it is a rapist/wifebeater/union-buster/was abusive towards their actors/[insert long list of other ways people can be shitty]". Is the singular focus on JKR due to her disproportionate impact and celebrity status? The reach of her platform? Even there, I hardly doubt that she is unique in her evil, there are doubtless many others who don't get the same publicity due to not being involved in something central to the pop culture background for so many Westerners.

I can see three arguments for not participating in fandom: One, to punish, and the other, to reduce impact. First argument has the consistency issues I highlighted above, the second one I COULD see, but at the same time, don't we as fans tend to overstate our own importance? (In censorship discussions we frequently discuss that fanfiction has very little power to normalize anything and is ultimately a drop in the bucket.) HP gave rise to a massive mount of licensed spinoff content from videogames to multiple blockbuster movies, including a new franchise that collects millions at the box office each time. In light of the overwhelming marketing and reach, it's hard to see how some people making fanart on Tumblr or whatever matters, and as much as I side-eye HP fans, I find it very hard to actually judge them for the extremely bland crime of not wanting to sacrifice a source of entertainment for some abstract moral good.

The third argument for abstaining from HP fandom is to make nonbinary people feel safer (both people in your circle and strangers coming across your content), but this feels really circumstantial. Abandoning the HP fandom to take a stand with trans people is a nice gesture, but ultimately it's just a gesture, and one that doesn't actually mean anything outside of very specific circumstances. Someone NOT being an HP fan doesn't mean they can't be a transphobe, and someone being an HP fan doesn't have to mean they're anything worse than maybe a little bit selfish/unwilling to sacrifice a source of entertainment and comfort for the sake of other people. This kind of selfishness may be something to judge, but it's also extremely mundane and common, and hardly more offensive than, say, refusing to put content or trigger warning tags on your blog because it's your blog and you just can't be bothered.

To conclude, I personally share the distaste for HP content but I'm not convinced I'm actually being rational in it. At the same time, I'm very much a person driven by hyperfixations, and the fact that I dodged a bullet in not caring about HP is just sheer dumb luck. I do have a lot of sympathy for people obsessed with HP and drawing joy from it, because god knows I can't imagine myself simply forcing myself to stop caring about the thing that's held my imagination in a vice grip for the past few years and inspired me to create so many things. I have a lot of nb friends, so I like to think that if I were interested in HP, I'd be able to choose their sense of security over my hyperfixation. But that's a much more personal argument that can't really be generalised to fandom as a whole...

End ramble. Thanks for reading, and I'd love to hear your thoughts.

--

My argument about fandom participation is that you, the fan, have limited time and brainspace.

If you want to support some other less known creator, put your time and emotions towards that. Don't carve out 50% of your free time for HP or Supernatural or whatever canon we're mad at today.

"I'm not paying them" is a weak argument when you put that much of yourself towards having whatever thing as a lifestyle. "I read the occasional fic. You're making too much of it" is a reasonable argument in my book.

Of course, if people don't care, they don't care, but I keep seeing people who are like "I would leave [bad large fandom] if only I could find the same experience in another". But they don't go build that world they want to see, so it continues to not exist.

[spotsupstuff]

With your meta approach that void fluid should never have been harnessed in the first place, how do your iterators feel about their existences, which rely on it? Do any of them wish to be a part of the Cycle, how many of them wish none of them were ever built? Maybe this question is presumptuous in which case apologies

"meta" sdjklgsdjlgksmclkdsgjk that sure is a one way to call my daring decision to introduce that idea into the world

with the Sparrows' Dad question answered i suppose these questions have been sort of answered, but- no Iterator believes the Void Fluid should've never been found or used. the notion of it sounds silly at best, offensive and idiotic at worst. that whole thought is rooted in some low circles were they manage to still believe in the original religions or manage to cling on to their traditions. the Void stuff is, to a degree, a solid standing point of the Global Religion which is what the Iterators are meant to exclusively work with. anything outside of it is considered nonsense. it's basically like asking one of those toxic Christian people to consider accepting a piece of Hinduism into their faith or smth. it's unthinkable, even though the pagan religions and the Global Religion have a lot of stuff in common as a result of the spiritual being tangible thing to a degree of it being science

like Euros' whole religious journey is one to behold, because it has no business existing cuz of this divide of ideas

he starts off with a really religious colony that looks up to him as an actual god, with the Houses and his first Mechanic cementing this idea of him being a real proper holy being into his mind. then Sparrows comes by and by being so casual and nonchalant about everything she starts making him doubt his status. then she tells him she's a pagan and he ridicules it. one day she complains about her noodles being cold and "Man, would it be cool to have godly powers and just warm this stuff up with snap of fingers" and Euros, with a puffed up chest, exclaims he can do it right there and then

but Iterators don't have any heating stuff in their puppet chambers. so instead he accidentally brain blasts it while he tries to figure out how to use the gravity control in his chamber to generate some heat for this stuff. Sparrows mourns her splattered-all-over-the-place food while he has an existential crisis because yes. he really couldn't warm a single bowl of noodles up. a God would be able to. he isn't a God despite almost a century of people telling him he is

he doesn't tell Sparrows about how fucked up he is over this, just keeps it to himself to ponder while he keeps absorbing the already known information on the Big Question. Sparrows brings a wheel flower with herself one day and well, they are both a lil bit of children on the inside so they fool around with it, Sparrows takes a lil bit of it even though Euros doesn't know how to guide a first timer through such an experience and it ends with her crying her eyes out because it was just too much. she says she will never do this again. he takes an issue with this, because he's worried. he brings it up to her- "don't write it all off so fatally *please,* you know if you don't work on yourself spiritually- who knows what you will end up reincarnated as? that is a path to suffering." and she gets sorta angry with him and tells him that she doesn't care for that. his life mission and she flat out says that. not to be Mean, he knows she respects why he's here, she's simply talking about herself. only herself. "even if you find the solution to the Great Problem, *i* won't be taking it. i don't care for it." is what she essentially communicates with it

and that fucks him up even Further, because at this point they've been dating each other for around 5 or 6 years. he loves her endlessly. he knows she loves him endlessly too (she's already made that trip to Zephyr... went through her first deaths without comfort for the sake of His family that despises her. he doesn't doubt her love for him). but Still. if he does what he is made for, stopping these repeating deaths- which he started to think of as doing for Her sake, after she came back to him from Zephyr all emotional worn out n destroyed because of her deaths- she will not care for it personally

so what is he doing here. he's not a God, if he succeeds in the purpose of his life it won't hold much meaning for the most important person from the people he's doing this for... what is any of this for. what is he for. he's so infinitely smart and he Does Not Know

so one day he asks Sparrows to teach him how to pray. and worship. in her own religion that is supposed to be more or less banned to him by context, the one she doesn't really care to faithfully follow herself

she shows him how to after getting over her surprised and uncertainty (as an Iterator he's not. supposed to indulge the pagan stuff This much. as a man-made "God", he isn't supposed to worship a different God). he asks about stuff and she tries her best to explain from what she does know. then redirects him to her farm district to try looking for more information there, since she's kind of dumb in this stuff

he learns more and comes to the conclusion about the Void and how it would've been better if it was left alone all by himself. would've been better if he and his family never existed. he ponders it a while and then decides to just shrug about it and keep it to himself. no point agonizing about woulds and shoulds. he just has to keep living his life as the best person he can be

so that's the thoughts on that of the only Iterator who ever touched on it

and none of them wish to be a part of the cycle. the cycle Sucks compared to what they have going on (strange immortality and almost complete invincibility). for the most part they are quite content being as they are- giant cuboids in the sky made up of millions of little dudes. only Euros, again, ever ends up wishing he could just Leave himself and one day just die. just like any other victim of the cabin fever

[clueingforbeggs]

Do you have life advice or wisdom you'd be willing to share?

Boy, do I -

1: Sometimes, you need to let go of the details and accept the bigger picture. Stop trying to find an exact word to describe yourself if you can't find one, and a wider umbrella fits, too. Once I let go of this search to find an Exact Grey Asexual Label To Fit Me and went 'Fuck it, I'm just grey asexual and bi, and sometimes I'll say 'Kinda similar to aegosexual', but it allowed me to actually accept and come out as my identity when I stopped trying to put a microlabel on myself.

2: Explore the details, but have fun doing so. Like, not just with regard to identity or whatever. Look through a show or whatever for inconsistencies and stuff if it's what's fun for you, but don't take it too seriously. Work out the tiny details of your orientation or gender or whatever, and proudly announce exactly who you are. Have fun.

3: Accept that people engage in things differently. Just because someone enjoys looking at the details of a canon, maybe pointing out inconsistencies, and you don't, doesn't mean they don't enjoy the plot.

4: Things can be multiple things at once. Stop complaining because something, or someone, fits into two categories that don't fully overlap.

5: Just because someone's doing something with their life that you wouldn't, and you're in the same groups, doesn't mean they're lying, or doing something wrong. People are all different.

6: Let people grow and learn, and let yourself do so too. And stop fucking demanding (often monetary) compensation because someone fucked up. Reparations are for groups, not individuals.

7: If you have an opportunity to do a small thing, do it. Do not worry about if you can finish the bigger thing.

8: Water in omelettes makes them fluffy.

9: When mushrooms go bad, they go slimy.

10: Do the washing up as you go along, it makes it more manageable.

11: If you don't like pizza crust, get garlic butter and eat up to the crust, then dip the crust in the garlic butter. You now have garlic bread.

12: Introduce your kids to the internet on a computer with you monitoring it. Also make sure their browser is, like, Firefox with SponsorBlock and uBlock Origin. And ignore most modern available browser games (yes, even with ruffle installed, as some sites hid flash games after flash died), get Flashpoint, and give your kids the online gaming experience you had as a kid. It's available on Windows, Mac and Linux, so you have no barriers.

13: Whilst it's nice to keep yourself aware of the goings-on in other locations, it's much better to have a vague awareness of what's happening in other continents, and focus more on your own area.

14: Someone going 'I don't know enough about this issue, so I can't say anything on it' is not the same as someone going 'This issue doesn't involve me, so I'm neutral no matter how much people are harmed'. Nobody can know everything about everything.

15: Block people on social media. Cut toxic people out of your real life if you can.

16: Listen to people with varying opinions. Don't create an echo chamber of people who think the exact same as you. And don't let yourself be pressured into thinking you have to say the right things about everything, otherwise you're One Of The Bad Ones.

17: Read this

18: Set alarms for anything you need them for.

19: Brush your tongue, not just your teeth.

20: Accept that older media will have bits that are offensive and/or cringy, yet do not cut yourself off from older media because of this.

21: Engage in media from outside your country, and/or which isn't in your native language (with translation if you require it). Also, engage in examples of this media which aren't cartoons or comics from Japan.

And probably more I can't think of right now.

[anxietysslave]

Hello! I loved your dangerous Fellows content, Can I asked Yor Reader, like she has abnormal strength?

Ofc!! Sorry this has taken so long :'(

Y/N stands for your name

Gender netrual reader

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Lawrence:

-So when he saw you again during the apocalypse, he figured he'd have to protect you. You just seemed so fragile and sweet.

-But boy was he wrong

-The first time he witnessed your strength was when Scarlet pushed your buttons. She was calling you names, and overall saying some pretty hurtful stuff. Everyone kept telling her to knock it off, and Lawrence was about to get involved when *BOOM* you punched her into a nearby wall-

-Least to say you didn't have to worry about her anymore-

-Lawrence finds it hot that you have this fragile look but could easily beat up all the guys and more-

-He was hesitant at first, but he wanted to see your strength. So he started putting you on more dangerous missions and patrols.

-Part of him still didn't think you were strong enough, but after you dealt with a few hordes like it was nothing he has his full trust in you (Wouldn't admit it but he still stalks you just to make sure his darlings safe.)

-He is a lot more cautious now with his plans. Fears you could easily overthrow him and that'd be the end of your relationship

-If you got his ending, man's would probably chain you up. Does it do much? Not really. But you can decide how that'd go-

Harry:

-When you first joined, he didn't think you were weak, but nor did he expect you to be that strong-

-One night when you were out for patrol, a horde came through. No one else was nearby, and Harry was injured. He for sure thought you were going to die together. Until you took out your bat and just started bashing every one of their heads in- You literally turned their heads to mush-

-After that, he was kinda scared of you for a while. It's not that he doesn't like you, it's just he has some issues with PTSD.

-He gets nervous because it brings back memories of his dad. His dad was a lot stronger than his mom and him, so to see someone who possesses enough strength to harm him or ones he cares about... It just makes the poor baby afraid

-Please reassure him you mean no harm.

-Once you do convince him you don't mean harm, he's always complimenting you for your strength-

-Which truthfully, you barely breathe, and this man will compliment you- But with your strength? Yeah, that opened a new can of worms-

-Even though you possess extreme amounts of strength, he still gets worried that he'll lose you someday. The zombies have already taken enough, and with his headaches, he just fears that it'll happen.

-So if you see him running towards you after dealing with zombies he doesn't mean it to be offensive-

Eugene:

-You know how he's really cold in the beginning? Yeah no that changes-

-He's actually a little bit scared of you and is very careful with what he says once he witness's your strength-

-During one of your daily patrols, he found out about your strength. He was complaining about how you do nothing for the group and can't even protect yourself when the next thing he knew you punched a hole in the wall and told him to shut up. That hole was not a small one either-

-He uses your strength to advantage when it comes to things like locked doors or if you're out looking for food as well.

-You can carry so many things and not even break a sweat. So of course he's going to make you carry as many snacks as he can find (Probably gets scolded by Lawrence as well)

-He starts to win arguments again Zion because all he has to do is say you'll intervene with something and Zion's already given up- SO to say that Eugene felt a surge of control was an understatement

-But if you do not feel comfortable with being used to win arguments or anything like that, let him know. He'll immediately stop.

-He never wants to hurt you or make you feel uncomfortable. Or that the only reason he's with you is because of your strength. If you're insecure about that, this man's will spoil you in any way possible. Food? You got it. Do you have a favorite drink? You got it. Want him to play you some music? You got it

-Just like the others, he gets worried about your safety. He knows you can protect yourself, but that does not mean accidents can't happen. So be prepared for a lot of scolding from him

Zion:

-When he first met you he thought you were going to get killed instantly.

-He heard you telling Harry how no one could beat you in high school when it came to physical fights, and Zion wanted to test it. He was so cocky he was gonna win, but within one second he was knocked on his ass with his bat smashed into pieces and being injured

-He never tested your strength after that- In fact he'd always set things up for you just to see your strength and your durability

-When Scarlet would run to him because you hit her or told her to fuck off, he'd just laugh it off and tell her she'd better knock it off before a bone is broken-

-He's the only one who does not worry about you when it comes to zombies. He has a lot of faith in you that you'll be able to destroy anything in your path. And if you get mad? Yeah it's over for whoever you're fighting-

-He doesn't trust Lawrence, so when things start going to shit you're the first one he's talking to.

-To say you're infuriated Lawrence may be a problem is an understatement-

-You'd probably uncover everything after that and would threaten Lawrence in front of everyone.

-Congrats you made Zion scared! :)

Ethan:

-He doesn't say much but can be very expressive at times. So when you were first introduced, he just thought you'd be like Scarlet.

-But as time goes on, he starts to see that something is clearly abnormal about you.

-He finds out about your strength when he tosses a baseball at Eugene. Turns out his aim isn't as good as it used to be. He missed Eugene and the ball was headed straight in Harry's direction. And without a second thought, you touched the ball. The ball got torn to shreds, and he got a long scolding from both you and Lawrence

-He asks Lawrence to put you on patrols with him more where he discovers more of your strength

-Locked door? Not a problem. Zombie? Okay, their brains are now all over the wall. You're literally the best partner for this man-

-He doesn't worry about you as much as the others, but still worries from time to time. If something happens and you somehow manage to get a cut or scrape, this man's the first one to scold you for being too cocky about your strength.

-He's also the most curious about your strength. He wants to know if you were born with this strength, or if it developed over time. So once he starts talking more, this boy will have such an interest in questions like that-

-If the school grounds ever became clear enough to play, he's 100% playing baseball with you. Will also pout if you don't use your full strength.

-If he begs for you to show him your full strength in baseball, you'll probably end up with a broken bat, a broken wall, and a very angry Lawrence-

Jay:

-Oh boy this man denied you were strong. There was no way someone who looks like you could be strong

-He's always saying rude comments and constantly encourages Scarlet to get into arguments with you. At first, you just let it go, but when he made comments about how you lost Judy because you weren't strong enough to protect her, yeah that was the breaking point

-You tossed him into a nearby wall and almost beat him to death if it weren't for the others who stepped in.

-After that, you no longer went near him. Which made him sad

-I believe this mans don't understand feelings. So why was his chest tightening when he recalled the expression you wore? Why did he feel so bad for what he said?

-He's the type to try and get some things together just to apologize. Of course, without Scarlet's knowledge. He'd never be safe again if Scarlet found out he was trying to apologize. Afterall she was the one to egg him on

-When he got everything set up, he knocked on the door. And the second you opened it, he gave you all the gifts he had collected and was literally down on his knees asking to be forgiven or at least be given a chance to make it up

-No matter what he stops making comments altogether- He felt so bad when he saw you hurt, so he just gave up on being a jerk to the others-

Judy:

-Let's be honest, she knew about your strength way before the apocalypse.

-She saw your strength when someone was harassing her. You came up behind the guy and threw him into the pavement. The sidewalk literally cracked and broke with the weight (So did a lot of the dude's bones)

-And ever since then she's always praised you for your strength. She'd be like, "Yeah that's my best friend! They'll kick your butt!" And other comments.

-When you first arrived, she was the one who brought it up to Lawrence that you were stronger than you looked. In fact, she always bragged about it to him and other members of the group

-She's also the type to set up little things just to see your strength. And each time she falls deeper in love with you

-If you thought the others were bad with worrying, nah she's worse. You go out for an expedition and she's instantly scolding you for being careless. She even tries to beg Lawrence to keep you out of expeditions just because she's worried-

-She believes in your strength, but also believes in accidents. So please be careful around her. She'll cry if you get injured

-She's quite the klutz, so if she falls around you and you pick her up, she'll get so flustered- She probably won't talk to you for a few days if it happens in front of people so be careful of that-

-She always comes to you if something needs to be moved. after all, to you, it's like moving a piece of paper. No matter how heavy it is-

Sue:

-Now the second Sue saw you, she instantly knew something was different. You seemed to have a different air about you.

-So she didn't underestimate you

-But once she saw just how strong you were when you threw Scarlet through a table, she became so much more interested

-How could someone who looks so sweet and innocent be able to cause so much damage like it was nothing?

-She becomes invested in how you got your strength, and how you have not already stopped the zombies. She does little tests just to push your strength

-She does not worry for you. She believes you're capable enough to keep yourself safe and are smart enough to not get overly cocky.

-But if that does ever happen, yeah you're getting the biggest scolding of your life- She will not let that go easily-

-You two are a team to not be messed with- She's very intelligent, and you have the strength. So no one dares to mess with you- Even Lawrence has decided to not mess with you.

Hailey:

-I'm not sure if she expected you to be weak or not- I feel like she can be judgemental, but that's only if Scarlet forces her to-

-Either way, she was still hesitant of you. She didn't know if you'd sabotage the group, or would be like Scarlet where you do not contribute to resources.

-She wouldn't speak to you much.

-That was until you witnessed Scarlet harassing her. Yeah, you almost killed Scarlet for that one-

-Annnd after that, she no longer had any doubts about you. In fact, she always felt safe around you.

-So don't be surprised if she's around you 24/7-

-She's constantly worried. If you've gone for a minute she'll be on the verge of tears. And if you come back with a cut of some sort? Hailey has passed away-

-But in all seriousness, she loves that you have this strength. You never have to worry about people like Scarlet harming you, or ever getting bitten. And now, she feels like she doesn't have to worry with you by her side.

Scarlet:

-Okay this isn't related to the headcanon, but every time I wrote her name I wrote Ruby at first- I'm confusion to where I got Ruby from but aight-

-Now the second you entered Scarlet hated you. She feared you'd take Zion away, and take away all of her friends. You seemed too much better than she did, and she was jealous of that.

-But when she pushed her buttons with you and you broke the table out of anger, she stopped with that entirely-

-She may hate you, but that shit is scary- The face you pulled when you broke the table still gives her nightmares

-She goes quiet after this. She fears you've already taken away all of her friends and now she's nonexistent to everyone. Please sit with her and reassure her that you do not want to do that

-Either way, you guys do makeup at one point. She vents to you about how she was worried you'd take everything from her, and you two come to terms. It isn't till later on though that you two start dating-

-And when you do, oh boy. She's always bragging about it. Like she's always telling the others how she has such a strong significant other and how lucky she is to have you

-However she still does get worried- So please reassure her that everything is going to be alright

-If you come home with any sort of injury, you'll be lectured till daybreak- And it doesn't matter what Lawrence says, you're staying back till you learn not to worry her-

(Sorry this took so long! I hope this is alright! Feel free to request anything else! Have a wonderful day/night! :)

[silverbladexyz]

Heyyyy hope I'm not too late for the matchup event! 🥺

Can I have a matchup with a best friend or mentor?

I'm an INFP, I couldn't get along with many people since I'm quite shy and can't start a conversation most of the time.

I'm caught up with the manga, anime and novels! My most favorite one so far is Fifteen and Storm Bringer! Second is Dark Era and Dazai's Entrance Exam.

I like to read, translate stuffs, sometimes walking aimlessly around the town.

I prefer not to be matched with the Hunting Dogs 😭 please and thank you!

My pronouns are she/her. I'm around 161cm, a little fat since I had ED a few years ago.

I can be a bit short-tempered sometimes, but most of the time I'm quite chill. I don't like being touched by strangers, but if it's someone I like I love skinship with them, like hugging or just a pat on the head. My love language is gifting and body touch, even with my friends I'd send them a surprise gift sometimes. I'm not good with alcohol and I dislike cigarettes.

I hope these are enough!

Hiiiiii yohane!!! (is it alright if I call you that?) So glad to see you in my event! Enjoy :)

The image is not mine. It belongs to it's original owner.

Calculating...

Your mentor is... LIPPMANN!!!

-ENFJ and INFP? Those two types get along very well, be it romantic or platonic or family or anything really!

-Lippmann doesn't really mind your shyness. It's kind of refreshing for him really, because most of the people he has to deal with on a daily basis are loud and annoying. He would teach you his way with words and how to keep a conversation going, and all your social anxiety will go bye-bye afterwards because of how his lessons are like

-His patience isn't the best with other people, but with you it's different. Lippmann is willing to spend extra time with you to make sure that you understand what he teaches you. The rest of the Flags are kind of surprised, but they are glad that Lippmann isn't as impatient with you

-I feel like he likes reading as well. In his drawing design Harukawa drew him with a book in his hand, so I guess he also likes anything to do with books. Drop him some book recommendations! He'll appreciate it and read them in his spare time

-Lippmann might need some help in translating his script sometimes, so he'll ask you to help him. He would trust you more than other translators, because he knows that you won't mess up deliberately and make him say something that might be offensive. Of course, he wouldn't force you to do it if you're not confident enough

-He would teach you how to handle guns and weaponry. Lippmann is secretly skilled with guns, his submachine gun and machine pistols being proof of that. While teaching you, he is quite gentle but strict, and you find yourself being able to hit targets from far away in no time at all

-Also would train you to fight. Don't underestimate his lean figure, because he himself is quite a formidable opponent even without his guns. Remember what his ability was? It was the ability to ‘react to and counter an attacker’s murderous intent’. It makes him very hard to beat, whether in combat or in training. Still, he wouldn’t mind toning it down for you if that’s what helps you to learn

-I’m pretty sure that over time, you’ll grow to like him in a platonic sense. See here, Lippmann doesn’t want to be your mentor all the time. He’d like to be your friend as well! Expect sessions with him where he shares all the juicy tea from his work. You could ask about your favourite actor and he would provide any facts about them that you wanted to know. But he also is happy to stay in comfortable silence with you, probably while rehearsing his script or reading a book

-Being his student means that you’re associated with the Flags too. Lippmann would ask the other members to train you when he’s not available, and you learn a lot from all of them. Even when they’re not training you, they still treat you like a sister and often invite you to their hangouts too

-Anybody mistreating or bullying you? Lippmann’s got it covered. He would either ask Iceman to take care of them if he’s busy, but most likely he would go and teach them a lesson himself. Lippmann does not allow anyone to hurt somebody that he cares about, be it physically, verbally or emotionally

-When you trust him enough, he might give you a few headpats now and then, as a way of encouragement and praise. Lippmann doesn’t really mind physical touch with you, because he sees it as a sign of trust. But he prefers to keep it verbal because that’s where he’s more well-versed in

-Gifts? Lippmann receives tons of gifts from his fans and mafia colleagues, but he looks forward to his dear student’s gifts the most. The fact that they are surprise gifts make him love them all the more, because he never knows when they would show up at his doorstep and what they would contain. He might start giving small gifts as encouragement, and on special occasions like your birthday he would give you a very expensive gift bought by his very own black card (when I say that he’s rich, he’s rich)

-I feel like Lippmann doesn’t really like cigarettes too, because of the smoke, and also because of how they could ruin one’s health easily. But alcohol he likes and tolerates, even though he can’t have too much for the sake of his job. He might bring you along to the bar with the Flags sometimes for a few glasses of whisky, and encourage you to spend some time with everybody, but don’t worry he’ll keep an eye on you. He’ll make sure you wouldn’t drink too much, because drunk people are not fun to deal with

-Mellow, eloquent and charismatic, and Lippmann no doubt wants to teach you and help you grow into a stronger person under his wing

-Bonus: He sometimes offers to star you in some of his movies with him

@dazaiyohane

[goddamnwebcomics]

Gag and Puke A Day: The Loco Bandito

I hate the term "didn't age well". You should only say that about spoiled milk or moldy bread. It also implies that EVERY single modern day media is better and could never age badly. But we won't know how much the stuff that is considered good and valid today is horribly offensive to the people in the next 20 years. For all we know, eating red meat will be as offensive as blackface to future generations. It also justifies corporations wanting to eradicate all the old media and replace it with generic, safe slob """remakes""", as well as go after the institutions whose job is to preserve these works like Internet Archive, but that's a whole other can of worms.

Also, it implies that something that was released back in the day didn't just instantly fucking suck. Take for example today's topic, The Loco Bandito. I feel that anyone who read it back in the day would find it just as offensive back then as it is today. It was dead on arrival.

Loco Bandito was made by a man known as Mike Matei. You might have heard of him, he helped to co-create Angry Video Game Nerd with James Rolfe. Now Mike has been a source of controversy these past few years. Whether it's Minecraft with Gadget, his terrible review of Elmo in Grouchland or him getting upset about people making fun of his gigantic penis(???), however none of these are as bad as The Loco Bandito.

I don't have a problem with edgy humour. Twitter has defined edgy humour as "saying bigoted shit" but that's not edgy humour, that's just bigotry. Bigotry is not really a form of comedy. That being said edgy humour is not safe, it's not supposed to make you comfortable. Edgy humour could also help you to challenge yourself and think. Many jokes that I have made in this blog in the past definitely qualify as edgy humour. While I was a lot more raunchy in the 2010's, it never crossed the line of "saying racial slurs as a joke". And that is what The Loco Bandito is. While I have issue with policing jokes, that doesn't mean I am okay with this.

Loco Bandito is about a self-hating mexican man who is horribly racist. The final page is him shitting on himself by the way.

It's bigoted for the sake of bigoted. I didn't use the word edgy because it it was edgy for the sake of edgy, it would at least be comical in some form or fashion. I know the early 2000's Internet was filled with shit like this, but that shit was either made by 10 year old kids or actual racists who have since likely commited suicide in one of the last 4000 mass shootings in the last hour that happened on American soil. Hah! Now that's an edgy joke!

This also applies to Electric Retard and I might make a post about that in a future Gag-and-Puke-A-Day since I feel that no longer belongs to the rifflist. Let's take a look at another work of misery.

This format is literally the exact same as in the last comic. And the final page involves shit again, at least they did the censoring for me this time.

I don't think I need to post any more pages, you get the idea. There is another comic where the punchline isn't racism, but still why would you fucking do this??? Why would you even associate your name with this shit?

I know that Mike has expressed regrets for making this comic, and if I were him I would have tried to erase every aspect of this comic from the internet. This is actually considered so bad, Internet Archive has actually refused to archive the original page for this webcomic. When the Modern Library of Alexandria goes "yeah this shit isn't worth preserving" then you've created something truly worthless. The Loco Bandito was dead on arrival, stillborn, to say it didn't age well would imply it was allowed to breathe.

[luveline]

your boy who is a friend, peter | tasm!peter parker x reader

Every assumption you have about me so far has been right - I don’t know how to make breakfast and I hate flapjacks, brownies are my favorite and I would really, really miss you if you disappeared, but all the stuff you think about yourself? None of that stuff is true.

summary you and Peter are pen pals. [2.5k]

warnings fluff, slight hurt/comfort, letters, lonely reader, fem!reader

read part two here

<3

Dear Peter,

HELLO! HI! Hey from Sunny California! Does sunny need a capital? It feels capital, there is so much sun! I kind of hate it; you'd love it very much. Sometimes I think I can see you lying next to me.

I'm sorry my letter took so long to reach you this time, moving took longer than I thought it would. I've missed talking to you!

How's Aunt May? Please tell her I hope she's okay. How are you? I know the last time we spoke you were a little sick, I can't tell you how much it means to me that you still wrote to me when you felt so ill. I hope you're doing better now. If you're still sick make sure to tell me — I can send you some more candy. I hope the t-shirt fit, it makes me laugh to picture you walking around in it.

Things here are okay. You don't have to worry about me. The weather has been good for me, and I spend a lot more time outside. I am feeling much better, and I'm sorry if I said anything last time to make you think I was having a bad time. I don't mean to make you uncomfortable.

There are so many things I want to tell you but I'm worried changing address will mess us up a little, so I think I'll send this one and see if you write back. Alright.

Love, your friend Y/N

Dear Y/N,

I've enclosed some important photographs for you that I trust will stay between us.

[FIRST PHOTOGRAPH: Peter is wearing the shirt you sent him while sick. It's a little too tight on him now, because, you gasp, he seems to have gained a lot of muscle very quickly. You stare down at the photograph and can't work out why your heartbeat picks up. The t-shirt says world's best pen pal, handmade, with a cartoon drawing of yourself on the  chest. His grin is blinding.]

[SECOND PHOTOGRAPH: Aunt May looking more angry than any woman has ever looked with a sponge in hand dripping water down her sleeve. This one is titled in sharpie, 'Aunt May doesn't like when I try to do the dishes :('.]

[THIRD PHOTOGRAPH: Aunt May and Peter sitting side by side, both smiling. This one titled, 'Aunt May finds out I'm sending a photograph to you and demands a retake. I won't tell her about the first'.]

As you can see I'm darling as ever and cured of any and all ailments. Jokes aside, I'm just fine. Please don't worry about me, bub. I'm fit as a fiddle. I've been spending a lot more time outside these days skating and May hates it. We argued but I set things straight, I hope, and I hope she knows how much I love her. It's nice to write that down.

Don't think about all that! I would write to you on death's door, plus that would be kind of sick. Maybe death would write you a paragraph or two.

The t-shirt did fit, as you can see, and I won't say no to more candy but obviously you don't have to send anything. I've included some of the gummy hearts you like from the bodega in case you're struggling to find them over in bright CA.

You don't have to be sorry to me. I love hearing about your life, I'm only sorry you go through all this stuff alone. Please let me know if there's anything I can do, sweetheart, I mean it. You're allowed to have unhappy times and you're more than allowed to tell me about them, and I'm so glad the weather is making you feel a bit better.

I'll keep this letter short too and hope it arrives at your new address. I miss you.

Your boy who is a friend, Peter B Parker :3

Dear Peter,

"The t-shirt did fit," in what world? You're busting out of it like a canned cinnamon roll. No offense. But seriously??? How much working out are you doing? Should skateboarding really be giving you such upper body bulk? I'm gonna stop tooting your horn now, but seriously, Peter.

Now that we are successfully reconnected, I've been dying to ask! Have you seen this Spider-Man guy in New York? Well, you probably have. Silly question. But have you seen him in real life? I saw he beat this weird lizard guy from Oscorp, didn't you go there recently? That means he lives close by!

How do you think he does all that jumping around? Is he a meta human? A mutant? Is he half spider? It's kind of awesome to see him punching people in the face, but imagine if he'd been evil and he's wrapping all these villains up in silk to eat later on. Ew.

I wanted to be honest with you and I hope I don't put you off me, but California is lonely. Sometimes I feel like you're the only person in the world who would miss me if I disappeared, and I've been thinking about it more and more. Maybe one day I'll just get on an airplane and never come back..

Yeah right! I'd miss you too much. Miss you too much now. I'm sending a photograph of myself. I went to the Santa Monica Pier and asked this old guy to take my photo and I'm just lucky he didn't steal my camera.

[PHOTOGRAPH: You stand against a colourful backdrop of attractions and candy vans, face lit by a flashing green and red. You're holding a rainbow candy floss in your hand. Your smile is not quite right, but you're trying.]

Do you think things will get better soon? I'm very tired. The pier was nice, but I thought it would've made me happier.

Aunt May looks beautiful in your photos, please tell her, and you look handsome too. Not as lovely as May, but close.

[SKETCH ON LETTER: Aunt May. It's a good drawing. You've pencilled hearts around her.]

I've included some drawings I did for her. I know she likes the flower ones. I did some of the ones native here. There's even one called the Sticky Monkey Flower (lol!) which I've labeled very carefully. There's also roses and California poppies, duh, but the California poppies aren't that cute. Poor California.

There's a flower called Yarrow, but they also call it a nosebleed plant, a devil's nettle and the thousand-leaf. I thought all those plant names were pretty sick. I hope she likes them. Tell her I'll draw her anything she wants (if she wants).

I have to go out soon and I want to send this so it gets to you quick, so I'll leave it here.

Your friend, Y/N

Dear Y/N,

Your drawings are so pretty. Aunt May is over the moon, and liked the Sticky monkey flower most. She wants to get it framed and says your use of colour is more and more sophisticated and gorgeous as you grow. So yeah, thanks for that. She keeps asking when I'll do something that nice for her myself. :0

I have seen all this Spider-Man malarkey. I think he looks like a dumbass in his spandex, but besides that I love looking that he's looking after the city. Somebody has to!

You looked very, very pretty at the pier. I think you're an idiot for letting some random dude hold your camera considering what it cost and how long it took me to fix your lense, but it was worth it. You're honestly the prettiest girl I've ever seen (sorry if that's a bit much, but it's true). Even sad, you look lovely.

I do worry about you a little bit, as a friend, and you sound melancholy. I know we said at the start of this that we wouldn't exchange cell numbers, and I think we were right for doing it, but if you'll allow it, your majesty, I'd like to send you my digits next time. I said digits to make you laugh, FYI, not because I'm insufferable. Just in case you need someone to call. You don't have to use it ever if you don't want to and I won't ask for yours, but I hate that you're lonely. I might be miles away but I'm here for you.

Oh, and before I forget - I doubt very much Spider-Man is eating people. You might think to yourself, oh, my most darling Peter, how could you possibly know that? But do me a favour and just trust me on this one.

Your letter came way faster than I thought it would and my life is the kind of mundane where I've got nothing to say besides the usual, so I'm gonna send you some photographs I've taken that would describe it better than I can. I also tried to draw you something. Don't show anyone. :)

[FIRST PHOTOGRAPH: A plate of eggs and bacon. The two eggs are a stark white and full body yellow, yokes perfect, and the bacon makes a smile. It's a very happy breakfast. They sit on a white, worn plate and are framed by shining silver cutlery.]

[SECOND PHOTOGRAPH: A dog on the subway. He's a Jack Russel mixed with something fluffy, licking the pale hand of his sleeping owner.]

[THIRD PHOTOGRAPH: The entrance to his college. It's a sad day. A stretch of white stone is dabbled in pits of grey, and a raindrop fogs the lense.]

[FOURTH PHOTOGRAPH: Peter's notebook. You can see the edge of a letter poking out of the back on familiar stationary, see your handwriting at the very top, the letters DEAR P, and then nothing else. The page is filled with equations and sums you don't understand, a pencil the size of your pinky finger discarded on top.]

[DRAWING: A cat in a top hat. The cat's fur has been shaded haphazardly to look like he's wearing a tuxedo. You can see the lines where he's attempted to give the cat an instrument and then given up. There's a speech bubble made of wobbly lines that says: 'MEOW to you sir'. Underneath he has written, very small, 'not my best work'.]

I'm thinking of you. I hope you're having a good day. Take care of yourself for us (me and May).

Your boy who's a friend, Peter :3

Dear Peter,

I have given your cat a trumpet and sent him back. He is very handsome and I thought you'd like him with his instrument.

I don't want to be weird but I cried a lot reading your last letter. You and your aunt are more kind to me than I deserve. Thank you. I noticed your aunt didn't ask for anything in particular last time so I have attached a bunch of different things and she can keep any that she likes or send them all back, I just thought she would enjoy them. A thank you for her nice praise on my flowers.

[DRAWINGS, LAID OUT: A duck, a bowl of soup, a leaf. A small painting of a cup of water with ice cubes, dripping condensation. A plate of flapjacks in gouache, brown on a pinky red background. A small self-portrait in graphite with pink hearts, hardly done and with less confident shading than typical. On the back, 'Me after your letter'.]

You are always so nice to me. I don't know what to say, but you are. I think you're more than handsome as well, and I can't believe you think I'm the prettiest girl in the world. It makes me feel a bit sick that you think that, considering you're the prettiest boy I've ever seen, and you talk to me. I don't think I'm even in the top 1 billion, haha.

Your breakfast was so cute, I wonder if it was May or you? Either way it's pretty cool. I'm leaning towards May.

How is college going for you? I'm sorry I don't ask a lot, it is impossible to forget how smart you are but I forget that there are people teaching you. I feel like you did all your learning while the rest of us were trying to do our E's the right way.

I've been making flapjacks, a million different kinds. I think you'd hate them, really hate them, I don't know why, but they seem like something you wouldn't enjoy. I'll have to learn how to make something you like. What desserts are your favourite? You'd think after years of letters I'd remember. Maybe you mentioned it, I feel like you like brownies. You're a brownie looking boy. Haha. Oh god, I don't know why I said that.

Thank you for the photographs last time, I've put them up in my room. They make a nice decoration and they remind me of you.

I wouldn't be opposed to your phone number, if you want to give it to me. Thank you.

It's been my longest stroke of luck to have you in my life, Parker.

Love, Y/N

Dear Y/N

I thought I would start this letter off with my true intentions so I don’t shock you.

I like you.

I want you to come see me, or I want to come see you, and I know that’s a big step and a taboo of pen pals, but it’s true. I miss you while I wait for your next letters, I think about you all the time. I keep your photographs in my wallet and I’m writing letters to you in my head everywhere I go. I know you’re shy and maybe scared of being yourself, but every bit of you I’ve had the luck to see, I’ve adored. I know this is forward but I guess you’re not surprised, I never really hide how I feel. Just — if you like me too, let me know.

Every assumption you have about me so far has been right - I don’t know how to make breakfast and I hate flapjacks, brownies are my favorite and I would really, really miss you if you disappeared, but all the stuff you think about yourself? None of that stuff is true. You think you don’t make the top 1 billion but you’re number 1 - prettiest girl I’ve ever seen. You think you’re silly and weird and that you’re going to drive me away by being honest but you won’t.

So I know you might be reading this letter and thinking to yourself that it’s a cruel trick, but it’s the truth. I like you, I really like you, and I don’t think you need to be so lonely anymore.

We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. Call me and we’ll work it out, or we won’t. We can talk about the colour of grass if that’s what you want.

(+718) XXX-XXXX

Your boy(who is a)friend, Peter x

UNKNOWN NUMBER:

Hi Peter

PETER:

hello, sweetheart

<3

𝗆𝖺𝗌𝗍𝖾𝗋𝗅𝗂𝗌𝗍

thanks for reading ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

tasm taglist @pomminine @isabelleonabicycle @decafcoffew @runawaywithmyghost @joebobisachickenfart

[jakesimfromstatefarm]

notoriously yours | jay park

✰ summary: jay park is a rich kid. it’s safe to say he has everything every broke college student on his campus could dream of and more. but the one thing he doesn’t have, which money definitely can’t buy, is a girlfriend. and his friends won’t see of it. literally.

so what happens when his friends bet him to date someone for more than three months? what happens when jay decides that fake-dating someone would be easier than actual dating (because god forbid Jay–the campus’ notoriously known fuckboy–decides to commit to something once in his life)?

and what happens when that someone is you, his childhood best friend he hasn’t spoken to in years..who has absolutely no interest in being in his life anymore?

✰ pairing: jay park x y/n [ft. members of enha]

✰ genre: fluff, comedy, angst | fakedating!au, college!au, childhoodbestfriends!au, (kinda) e2l!au

✰ warnings: cursing, nothing suggestive but jay's a fuckboy so slightly suggestive themes, mentions of parental neglect/leaving, it's hella long (and i thought my last fic was long)

✰ wc: 14.7k (how did i get it this long oh lord)

✰ author's note: picture creds go to original owners/editors! peep that edit of jay that lowkey inspired this entire fic 👀also this took me so, so long bc i lost motivation half way thru and bc college is a thing,,,so i honestly don't know how to feel abt it so pls bare with me :')))) ALSO the dividers are weird bc idk how to add more than 10 pics for the dividers so pls excuse those ٩(× ×)۶i hope u guys enjoy!! <333

⸺ ⸺ ⸺ ⸺ ⸺ ⸺ ⸺ ⸺ ⸺ ⸺ ⸺

Jay Park is a rich kid.

Jay Park has enough to buy every textbook he needs for his courses without having to look up the free versions online. Jay Park has enough to bribe his professors to let him pass every class with a perfect 4.0 GPA (but because the boy has morals, he doesn't). Jay Park has enough to afford a car to drive to his furthest class from his dorm building instead of walk or bike like every other college student, meaning he also has enough to afford a parking spot on campus (those things aren't cheap!).

Jay Park walks around your school's campus like he owns the place (and considering the amount of money his family has donated to the school, he practically does), looking like he just walked out of your local coffee shop's newest fashion magazine. His blonde hair is never seen untouched, his attire usually consisting of an undoubtedly high-end all-black fit, accessorized with multiple earrings and rings that probably cost more than all the overpriced textbooks you had to rent out this semester. It's safe to say that everyone knows Jay Park.

Bottom line is, Jay Park has everything.

Well, his friends beg to differ.

In their eyes, Jay Park has everything but a simple factor in the equation of love (or whatever love is to the minds of a couple of 19 year olds): commitment.

So yes, it's safe to say that everyone knows Jay Park. Because everyone knows he's the campus' rich fuckboy. (What's a college fanfic campus without one anyways?)

Jay doesn't go unreminded of this by his friends, to the boy's annoyance.

Jay is aware of this on a Sunday afternoon, in his dorm building's first floor lounge, where he and his said friends are having a study session.

They're doing anything but studying.

In fact, no one has any books out or anything. Not a single laptop in site.

"You don't think it's the slightly bit concerning?" Jake's words are muffled as he continues munching on the fried chicken that he spent majority of this study session debating if he should have it delivered through UberEats or not.

"I really don't, no," Jay shrugs as he continues mindlessly scrolling through his Instagram feed. They're having the same argument conversation that they've revisited multiple times over the course of their friendship, one that Jay has been lectured on too many times for his own good. He thinks his friends could become his new parents if they really tried.

"Look at it this way, okay. You're about to graduate college in a couple of years, into the big world. Like the actual, adult world. And that means you'll have to settle down. Which you can't do when you. have. no. commitment!" Jake punctuates each word with a single clap of his hands, desperate to get his point across.

Jay simply rolls his eyes. He looks over to Sunghoon, who's minding his own business, not bothered by the same topic he's heard over and over again. His eyes tell Jay you're on your own, in response to his blonde-haired friend's look of despair.

Jay thinks that maybe he should get new friends. Yes, that's the only solution here.

"My love life," Jay reaches across the table for a drumstick from the greasy tub seated in Jake's lap until Jake swats his hand away, "is none of your business. Also, ouch."

"Uh, it kinda is. Because of you and your reputation around campus, it kinda affects us, your best friends. How do you think we look, hanging out with the guy who's known to ghost every girl in existence after one night with them? No offense to you," Jake deadpans to him. Jay mentally reconsiders the term best friends.

Tough love. Jay tells himself it's tough love.

"Yes, because every girl totally hates Jake Sim, the teacher assistant of a physics class who volunteers at the pet shelter every Sunday and brings their pet golden retriever to campus every two weeks," Jay rolls his eyes at his Australian friend.

Jake sighs. "Okay, then I'm coming from a place of worry for you."

Jay groans. "Again, none of your business!" This doesn't stop Jake. He comes from good intentions, really, but Jay wants nothing more than to stuff the kid's mouth with some of that chicken to shut him up.

"What are you gonna do if one day you meet someone you like, genuinely like, and you screw yourself over because you've never been in an actual relationship before? A real, committed one. Like one that lasts at least three months."

"You don't think I can last three months in a relationship?" Jay questions the boy currently taunting him.

"Honestly? No. What's the longest relationship you've been in?" Jake cocks an eyebrow at his friend across from him.

One month and two weeks. But Jay's smart enough to not say that out loud.

"I can so last over three months," Jay mutters more to himself than Jake.

Jake laughs at that, pausing to take another bite of the drumstick in his hand. "Jay, I am willing to actually bet you. Bet that you wouldn't be able to." He leans back on the couch, the ball now in Jay's court.

Jay freezes, looking up from his phone, narrowing his eyes at Jake.

"Forget it, Jake. He's not gonna agree even if you offered him money," Sunghoon finally perches from beside him. Well he's not wrong. It's not like Jay is exactly in need of more money, per say.

"What kind of bet are we talking here?"

Sunghoon's right. Jay doesn't need the money, but he does hate being wrong. Even if it's over something as stupid as this matter.

Caught off guard by the blonde's answer, Jake blinks blankly at him and takes a second to think.

"Hmm..what about...what about if you can date someone for at least three months, and I mean an actual, committed relationship, then I'll do all of your physics homework next semester."

Jay's eyes sparkle at that. If there's anything he despises more than commitment, it's physics.

"And if I win, you have to buy all of my textbooks," Jake sits back from the edge of his seat with a smirk lying on his face.

Jay pauses to think about it. I mean, what does he have to lose? A couple hundred dollars over college textbooks? No. Because he just simply won't lose.

And maybe he'll learn what it'll be like to actually be in a committed relationship for once. Maybe he'll finally learn what it's like to actually devote yourself to someone, open up to them. He shivers at the thought. Never mind. He'll warm up to it. Baby steps.

Nonetheless, what could go wrong? Even if he does lose, at least his money would be going somewhere productive––towards his friend's education. Jay was probably gonna use that money on something useless like a blanket that resembles a tortilla (a burrito blanket, he calls it)––something he doesn't necessarily need, but must have, he would argue.

"Fine. Whatever, okay. Deal," he grabs Jake's extended hand in front of him and shakes on it.

Jake's impressively smiling at the boy as Sunghoon lets out a sigh, in disbelief with the two guys he calls his best friends.

Jay concludes that this will be easier than his Introduction to Photography 101 course he took his freshman year. How hard is it to find someone to date the Jay Park? Surely, everyone will be lining up once Jay switches his FaceBook relationship status from "it's complicated" to "single".

Turns out, it's not as easy as his class where all Jay had to do was take pictures of a pretty sunset, slap a VSCO filter on, and call it a day.

He comes to this realization on a Wednesday evening, as he's seated at one of the many study tables lined in the middle of the campus' library, staring down at his phone's dry iMessage app, with his laptop and blank sheets of scratch paper scrambled across the entire table, as an attempt to look half as studious as the other students studying in the facility.

Turns out, being known as the campus' fuckboy who ghosts every girl on campus isn't a good thing when it comes to wanting to find a real relationship.

He comes to this realization after failing to receive a single text back to the many ones he sent out throughout the first half of his day. The ghoster gets ghosted. Oh how the turn tables.

Jay groans dramatically as he tosses his phone on the hard surface of the table, earning himself a harsh shush from the librarian filing books in the aisle beside him.

He sheepishly smiles back as an apology, directing his attention back to his open laptop screen, where his untouched calculus homework stares back at him––his mind preoccupied with the looming threat of Jake's bet. Not that it was threatening in any way, per say, but Jay just hates losing. And from the looks of things, it's safe to say that Jay won't be celebrating any victories anytime soon.

Jay thinks he should just change his identity and just transfer to some boarding school in Switzerland. Yes, that's a much better solution than admitting defeat to Jake.

Jay sighs as he lies his head on the table, figuring he might as well just write the check for Jake's textbooks now. He wonders how he got here in the first place. Not how he got into the bet, and definitely not how he's sitting in the middle of the library, having yet to start his calculus homework due at 11:59PM tonight (he should really start that).

But no, he wonders how he gained the reputation as the campus' playboy. To be fair, his friends (mainly Jake), are constantly reminding him of his notorious habits. But how did they come a habit in the first place?

The idea of being in a relationship is nice, sure, but the commitment that comes with it? The idea of being dependent on someone? It's scary, vulnerable, and one that Jay can't picture for himself.

Maybe some people just aren't meant to be paired. Maybe some people, like Jay, like being independent and are meant to stay that way.

But Jay also likes affection. He likes the fleeting, warm feeling he gets every time he finds himself under someone's sheets. He likes the short-lived comfort he receives from someone else's touch, even though he knows it's going to cease to exist the second he steps out of those bedroom's doors. He just likes affection, simple as that.

That and he's a 19 year old teenage boy with needs, what did you expect?

And so what if he likes the idea of affection minus commitment? Is that so bad? Apparently it is, to people like his friends and the entirety of his school's campus, at least.

At this rate, he might as well pay someone to date him.

Wait. Jay lifts his head off the table's surface in realization.

He might as well pay someone to date him.

There's no harm in that, is there?

He wouldn't have to endure through an endless amount of dates to find someone he clicks with, then continue going on dates with said clicked person, all while trying to develop an actual, serious relationship.

He'll win the bet, get his physics homework done for an entire semester, and some lucky girl out there will be making profit for the small price of hanging out with Jay Park for three months.

And lucky for him, Jay knows the perfect candidate for this scheme.

Simple as that.

Just as long as said perfect candidate says yes.

And as long as Jake and Sunghoon don't find out. Or else Jay might really have to move to Switzerland after all.

You love your friends, you do.

Hana and Heeseung have been there for you when others haven't––they were by your side when you knew no one entering high school, and they were still by your side when you were all graduating said high school. Needless to say, you're eternally grateful for friends like them.

But right now, in this moment––with you seated in the middle of the campus' library, trying to write your essay, as your two friends blabber on and on about the most recent gossip across from you––your two friends could be your villain origin story.

But again, you love your friends, you do. So you don't have the heart to tell them to leave. You've managed to naturally tune out most of the conversation, anyways, for this––your friends coming to hang out while you're trying to study––is no rare occurrence by any means.

"Oh yeah, Jay Park texted me last night."

You hate how your brain's filter suddenly turns off at Hana's words.

You hate how your ears catch the sudden mention of Jay Park's name.

You hate how the thought of Jay Park gets to even occupy a single brain cell of yours.

You hate how you even know who Jay Park is. Well, knew.

Past tense. Because up until eighth grade––when Jay decided to just suddenly pretend you didn't exist––he was attached to you like a koala to a eucalyptus tree.

And if you had asked past Y/N, ideally, Jay would've never left your side. Ideally, he would've never left you to fend for yourself when entering high school. Ideally, he would've stayed your best friend through out all four years of high school and ideally, you would've eventually told him how you really felt about him after growing up with him all your life. And maybe it would've lead to a completely different story. But for the sake of this fic, we don't live in an ideal world.

So yes, if it wasn't for his attendance at the very same university as you, you would've forgotten about the boy who brought you the painful memories of your childhood.

And since the universe clearly doesn't work in your favor, avoiding Jay Park's existence like he's the plague would have to suffice. And it works.

For the most part.

Until some people, bring him up uninvited into your conversation. Like now, for example.

"When was the last time you guys talked anyways?" Heeseung mindlessly asks as he reaches across the table to grab one of the many snacks you usually bring to your study sessions.

"Uh..like a few weeks ago. Give or take. Whenever you threw your house party. Can't say there was much talking involved however," she teasingly says with a giggle and wiggle of her brows.

Heeseung's rolling his eyes as you scoff and chuck a nearby crumpled piece of paper that was once one of your many essay drafts at her.

She bats it away right as it's about to hit her face as she laughs. "Doesn't matter anyways. He ghosted me the next morning, as he does with everyone else. Telling you this now," she extends a finger right at you, "stay away from Jay Park. That kid's just bad news."

You nod in response, mentally telling her she has nothing to worry about.

Been there, done that.

College. Ah yes, the very concept of spending four years of your life imprisoned on a campus where you'll be tearing your hair out from stress and spending all your life's savings just for a laminated sheet of paper with a golden stamp at the end of it all. We live in a society.

Because of said college, and all the weight that comes along with it, you had adapted a strict daily schedule in order to not completely lose your mind. It's a simple schedule really, one of a typical college student who's just trying to get by everyday with as little mental breakdowns as possible.

Wake up, get ready, go to class, go to the library to do your homework, walk all the way across campus to get back to your dorm, shower, then sleep. Oh and eat, of course. And maybe if time permits, be an actual social being and socialize.

It's gotten you this far into the college life without dropping out so, you conclude, you must be doing something right.

Sometimes, if you're feeling nice to yourself, you'll tweak the schedule a bit to fit in some exceptions. Maybe squeeze in a little trip to the bubble tea shop that's on the other side of campus, or maybe get dinner at that one dining hall that you don't usually go to because of the unncessarily long lines (but because they serve ice cream, you go anyways). It doesn't matter what the exception is, you still plan it out to fit into your schedule somehow. Everything is planned out.

Sometimes, however, the universe disagrees with your schedule, to your demise. Such as today, for example.

Because what you didn't expect for today was for a particular blonde-haired boy who you haven't spoken to in almost six years (but who's counting?) to approach your table in the library––a table you were sure no one could find you at, as it was quietly tucked away in the back corner, right next to the Astrophysics shelves. Because who browses the Astrophysics aisle for fun? Actually, maybe Jake Sim would. Anyways.

You definitely didn't anticipate a visit from the boy you've been actively avoiding, so you definitely didn't expect the first words coming out of his mouth when he sees you for the first time in six years to be:

"Fake date me."

You blink up at him.

Yeah, definitely not expected.

But you only let it phase you for a split second, until you feel a slight annoyance beginning to bubble up deep inside of you.

"Wow, hello to you too Jay! It's been what––half a decade? Yeah I've been pretty good, thanks for asking!" The sarcasm is practically dripping off your tongue.

You don't know what runs through Jay's mind, but apparently it isn't common sense––or the ability to read the room. Because next thing you know, he's sliding the chair across from you out from underneath the table and making himself at home.

And he's smiling right at you.

Curse him and his smile.

But no, you're not giving into it.

Not yet, at least.

"What do you want?" You deadpan at him when he makes no sign of making the next move.

"A girlfriend," he deadpans right back at you, as if he was casually telling you what he wanted for dinner. As if you two were close-knit friends that could approach one another without any proper greeting. As if you two had kept your friendship all these years. As if you two even had a role in each other's lives.

"Can't help you there," you scoff, deciding to not even question his lack of manners on top of his uninvited presence.

"Aren't you gonna ask me why?"

"Well gee, seeing that the first few words you decided to say to my face for the first time in forever were a demand, a demand to date you no less, then....no," your monotone voice says as you keep your eyes focused on your laptop screen, not daring to look at the boy across from you.

In the Introduction to Sociology course you took your freshmen year, you had learned of one important term: interactional vandalism. Textbook definition being: "ignoring signals of disinterest in a conversation, leading it to an offense."

Your definition being: "are you oblivious or just plan dumb, read the room!"

This was interactional vandalism, alright. Whether Jay's truly oblivious or just trying to annoy you until your head explodes (it's really the former, but you're convinced it's the latter), he takes your signals of disinterest and tosses it right out of his head to continue the conversation.

"I'm stuck in this stupid bet with Jake--do you remember him? He bet me that I couldn't date someone for more than three months and I figured having someone fake date me would be easier than actually dating someone, right? That's where you come into the equation," he proposes as he leans back in his chair, as if he had just finished a sales pitch to a prospective customer looking to buy a car.

You couldn't believe this. You're 98% sure this has got to be a prank. You're mentally preparing for a camera crew to jump out from in-between the library's aisles any moment now and scream into your ears that you've just been punk'd!

The remaining 2% of you, however, wouldn't put it past the two boys to get themselves in such a situation. The last memory you had of Jay and his friends were pretty much their childish selves back in middle school. And by looking at the current scene unfolding in front of you...it's needless to say they haven't changed much.

"Again, can't help you there. Ask one of the many girlfriends I thought you had." Ouch.

"But Y/N, you've known me all your life--"

"Up until you dropped me a few years ago but sure, let's call it that."

"--and convincing other people is gonna make me look--"

"--desperate? Yeah."

"C'mon, Y/N. What do you have to lose anyways?"

"Uh..my dignity? Pride? Self-respect? Sorry Jay, not happening," you turn your attention back to your unwritten essay in front of you, mentally checking out of this conversation. This would be a good time for that camera crew to jump out now.

"Look, no one else is gonna do it, Y/N." Jay has always been stubborn, you suppose. But so are you.

"Yeah, because you've managed to push every being of the opposite gender away from you. You gave yourself this reputation in the first place," you give it to him straight. It's not like you had a relationship with him to uphold anyways––Jay himself broke that friendship years ago.

Jay hates that you're right.

You're always right. He remembers how he used to always go to you for advice and clarity on the world's biggest problems. Granted, the world's biggest problems to him at the time equated to what he should dress up as for the fifth grade Halloween party, but still. A tough decision, for the mind of a ten-year-old.

You abruptly stop typing and begin putting your laptop and textbooks away as you huff in frustration. There's no point in trying to get your work done now. The longer you stay arguing with Jay, the bigger your headache gets. The longer he continues to occupy any part of your brain, the bigger your headache gets.

Getting up from your seat, packed and ready to slam your head into your pillow, you turn to the blonde one last time.

"Look Jay. We went on our separate ways years ago. If you weren't so notoriously known around campus and my friends would stop talking about you, I would've long forgotten you. I'm sorry you're in this situation, really. If I were you, I'd just tell Jake I can't do it. Or don't, I can't tell you what to do. Just don't get some innocent girl involved in whatever stunt of yours this is."

Jay stares at you, mouth agape, as you find your way out of the library and through the main doors. By the time he comes back to his senses, he realizes how he looks plain stupid––standing in the middle of the library, the look on his face screaming befuddlement, to say the least. Jay quickly makes his way out of the building, in hopes of convincing you one last time.

Jay catches sight of your figure already half-way down the walkway that connects the library to the main quad of your school's campus. Geez, you walk fast.

Not fast enough to outrun Jay's legs, however. If Jay running after you through the middle of campus in order to convince you to fake date him doesn't show how desperate he is to win this bet, I don't know what will.

"Wait, Y/N!"

You groan to yourself before turning to face the boy who can't seem to take a hint and leave you alone. You stare at his out-of-breath state as he heaves up and down from the slight jog he had to endure to get to where you are. If you're humored by him chasing after you, you do a good job of hiding it.

He meets your unimpressed state before stating his final proposition: "I'll pay you. Five hundred dollars."

You nearly stop breathing.

Now this catches your attention––after all, you're but a broke college student who's just trying to survive. And preferably not by feeding yourself instant ramen cups every night.

And so, naturally, you begin rethinking about the opportunity presented in front of you. You narrow your eyes at the boy as you weigh your options.

The first problem being, it's Jay Park––the bane of your very existence. You spent the last few years of your life pretending he didn't exist...for good reason. Not only did he do you dirty when you were merely a couple of 13-year-olds, but you just didn't want to be involved with someone like him. Someone known for his nature, someone who left your own current best friend ghosted. And not that Hana herself would care, for she has called herself the "female Jay Park", but you're sure this would be breaking some rule in the girl code handbook. Plus, if you agree to this, you'd be betraying 13-year-old Y/N, the one who decided to never speak to nor think of Jay Park again––which by now you've failed, but you get the gist.

Second problem being, three months is a long time. Three months is practically the rest of this semester, and did you really want to spend the rest of the semester tied down to the label of being Jay Park's girlfriend? There would have to be some negative connotations that came along with that title, right? No offense to Jay, but being his first girlfriend since, what, high school could make you come off as..naive, for lack of a better term. As if the only person you could settle for was Jay Park. As if you barely had any standards for yourself. Again, no offense to Jay.

Needless to say, if your school's debate club had to argue on why you shouldn't be doing this, you're sure the negating side could win with these two reasons alone.

But before you're rejecting the boy currently standing in front of you one last time, you find yourself mentally listing rebuttals.

First of all, you'd be getting paid. And again, you're merely but a college student living the stereotypical broke college student life––burdened by the costs of tuition, textbooks, and midnight McDonalds runs for when you're out of aforementioned instant ramen cups. Five hundred dollars could provide you with more than enough chicken McNuggets to last you the semester, and maybe some more to treat yourself to an online shopping spree.

Second of all, it's not like you were going to do anything better with your next three months anyways. It's safe to say you were too busy being a diligent student to actually look for anyone to date, per say. And if anything, having a fake boyfriend might actually be helpful in your case. Your mom would be off your ass about how you're still single, for one. And two, your friends (though it's really just Heeseung) would stop trying to hook you up on blind dates with guys that you would choose Jay Park over any day (and that really says something).

Third of all, it's Jay Park. As much as you despise the kid, you still know him. He's not a complete stranger to you, no matter how much you try to deny it. It could be worse, it could be a complete rando asking you to date him. At least you two have some sort of history, which would take care of the typical small talk and getting to know each other bit of this equation. And truth be told, you'd be lying to yourself if you said you weren't a tad bit satisfied by the fact that Jay chose you, of all people, to pull off this stunt with him. You don't know if it's the nostalgia of your childhood memories rushing back to you, but it reminds you of the endless schemes you two used to plan behind your parents' backs all the time. Granted, your childhood schemes––such as the both of you faking sickness so you could skip school together––don't even fall close to being in a fake relationship with one another, but still. It's the thought that counts.

All of those reasons plus, Jay isn't the worst to look at. He may have a spoiled reputation, but at least he has his looks going for him, you'll give him that (you're still secretly wondering when and how did he get his glow up, but don't tell him that).

And so by the guidelines of a college student's logic that states the pros outweigh the cons, you come to the overarching conclusion that maybe, this won't be so awful after all.

"Five hundred?" You ask, just for clarification. Jay's immediately nodding at your words. You continue to ponder on your thoughts as he stares at you hopefully.

The silent atmosphere of your campus heightens the tension so much, you swear you're in one of those overdramatic pausing scenes that occur too many times in k-dramas.

You sigh, then nod.

"Okay," you're internally praying that you won't regret this decision. "I'm in."

The next time you see Jay is at 12:17PM on a Friday afternoon, as you're exiting the doors of the lecture building that's home to your awfully long Capitalism in the Western World class.

You're going down the steps of the building, mentally deciding where and what you're going to treat yourself to for lunch––as the three hour lecture you had just attended drained all the life and energy out of you––when you hear the slight call of your name.

Turning to the source, you're met with a waving Jay, leaning against the passenger's side of his car, parked in front of the lecture hall building you were currently leaving.

Great.

You walk over to where he's casually waiting––he's unaware of all the stares he's attracted from fellow students leaving the same lecture as you. Can you blame them? It's not everyday you see a sleek, black BMW that probably cost more than your tuition pull up in front of your Friday afternoon lecture. It's not everyday you see Jay Park waiting for anyone outside of his said sleek, black BMW that probably cost more than your tuition.

"Hi," you simply let out as you plant yourself in front of him, not sure whether or not to question him why are you here? Surely, he wasn't waiting for you?

"Hi," he smiles down at you. There's a beat of silence. "I was waiting for you."

Bingo.

"Oh. What are you, my chauffeur?" You raise an eyebrow, unimpressed.

"Maybe. I am your boyfriend, after all," he says into the air, loud and clear, as if he wanted people to hear. Well that is the point, you suppose.

But still, all you want to do is smack the smirk right off his face.

Before you have time to put your next question into words, he answers it for you.

"I'm taking you out for lunch," he declares as if you have nothing else planned for the day. Well, to be fair, you didn't have anything else planned for the day. Except for your usual library run. But you figure the library could wait.

"Oh, like on a date?" You raise your eyebrows teasingly at him as you get into the car, Jay holding the door wide open for you. "Is Jay Park treating me to lunch as a date?"

Jay fights the scowl (or is that a smile?) growing on his face as he bends down to meet your eye level from inside the car. "Don't flatter yourself, princess. We've got fake lives to live."

"Call me princess one more time and you won't have a real life to live," you flash him a sarcastic smile and slam the door in his face.

Jay meets his own shocked reflection on the passenger's side window.

Cute.

"When you said you were taking me out to lunch, I expected like...I don't know...the diner on campus. Not whatever this is," you mutter to Jay as the two of you are brought to your table by a waitress at an upscale sushi restaurant, one that is undoubtedly out of your usual budget, but for sure an upgrade from your dining hall's pizza you were planning to have. You should've figured as much, the drive here was a little more than out of the way from campus, and who are you kidding, it's Jay Park you're eating with.

You stare down at your current outfit, which consisted of a hoodie you've owned since your junior year of high school and leggings that you threw on without second thought this morning––because you didn't exactly wake up and decide I'm going to go to a fancy sushi bar for lunch today!

"Why are we here anyways?" You ask him when you're both settled in your seats and the waitress walks away after listing the chef's specials for the day.

"Oh, they have killer dragon rolls here, you have to try it," Jay tells you nonchalantly as his eyes rake the menu in front of him, blocking your view of him.

How dense can one be? Your hand snatches his menu as you stare into his unamused eyes.

"No, Jay. I mean, why are we here? It's not like anyone's around to see us put on a show anyways."

"Oh. I figured," Jay's quick to grab the menu back from out of your hands as he continues, "that we should sit down and establish how exactly we're going to deliver this performance. After all, you're stuck with me for the next three months."

Again, smacking the smirk currently resting on his face would satisfy you beyond relief. Just once.

"If I drop out halfway through, do I still get $250?" You tease, leaning back.

"Ha ha. Funny. No," he narrows his eyes at you from across the table. "It's all or nothing."

You dramatically huff to make a show just for his annoyance.

"Worth a try. But sure, let's solidify this. What's the game plan?" You sit up in your seat, leaning over the table as if the two of you were hosting a secret meeting.

"It's simple really," Jay mirrors your actions, face leaning in close to where yours is hovering over the table. "Just pretend to be deeply in love with me for three months, and try not to actually be charmed by my cunning looks."

If someone gave you five dollars for every time you've already rolled your eyes at him today, you wouldn't even need to be in this deal for the five hundred dollars.

"Wow, smooth. Can I just remind you you're the one paying a girl to be in a fake relationship with you because you're just not competent enough to find an actual girlfriend?" You lean back, arms crossing over your figure.

Jay, unfazed, laughs, tongue briefly hitting the inside of his cheek. "Touché."

Your eyes go back to the menu in front of you as a silence falls over the table. Because you're not a loaded trust fund baby who comes to fancy five-star sushi restaurants for lunch on a daily, you don't recognize half of the entree names on the menu. You spot the dragon roll Jay suggested, but seeing that a basic California roll is less expensive, your natural broke-college-student-instincts figure the California roll shall do.

"Okay, in all seriousness," Jay begins as he puts his menu down. "It's simple really. We'll just go on weekly dates and post cute pictures of each other once in a while and a little after three months, I'll just say it didn't work out. I'll give you the five hundo and boom, we move on with our lives."

It's clear Jay's put some thought into this. Safe to say he's put more effort planning this out than the amount of work he's been putting into his classes. Someone's got their priorities straight.

You're impressed to say the least––you figured Jay would just be the kind to go with the flow and wait for the situation to unfold on its own and maybe blow up into flames. But seeing as he was just as serious about winning this bet as you were with making five hundred dollars, your doubts about this entire situation were slowly withering away.

Don't get it wrong, though, you still despise him. To an extent, at least.

"And don't worry about the dates. I'll pay on your behalf, as the loving, doting boyfriend I am," Jay finishes with a wide, cheesy smile you can't help but return a growing smile back at.

"Well then, as the loving, doting girlfriend I am, I shall gift you coffee, breakfast, all that fun couple stuff, whenever you please. Or maybe unannounced, if I'm feeling nice," you figure you should pitch in as much if he's paying for all your dates. And deep down, you find the idea kinda cute. But don't tell anyone that.

"Wow, look at us. We should become Dispatch's couple of the year already!" Jay exclaims, earning himself a small giggle from you, which pleases him to say the least. He thinks that maybe when this is all over, he'll hopefully make a good friend (well, for the second time) out of it.

And you're thinking that maybe the next three months won't be as bad as you initially had thought.

As the two of you delve deep into a debate about who would be the better significant other to each other, the waitress comes over to take your orders.

And because you're laughing and Jay's brightly smiling at you from across the table, you order the dragon roll.

The second time Jay takes you out––this time he gives you a heads up to get ready––it's at a, once again, high-class steakhouse.

The third time, you insist on the on-campus diner that's popular amongst the student population. Partially because you feel bad for the amount of money he's spent on you (even though he couldn't care less), but mostly because if you have to put on another fancy dress to just eat an overpriced meal that doesn't even fully satisfy your hunger, you might lose your mind.

And by this third time, Jake is aware of this newly blossomed relationship.

"Three dates! I didn't know you had it in you, going on three dates with the same girl!" Jake excitedly exclaims as he jumps into the empty spot on Jay's dorm bed and shoves his phone's screen into Jay's face.

The smaller screen displays Jay's most recent Instagram post: an image of you sitting behind your too-small-to-be-this-expensive-steak and smiling right into Jay's camera––a memory that brings a smile to his face:

~ ~ ~

"C'mon! We said Instagram posts would be a part of the deal! How else can we convince people we're dating?" A pout rests on Jay's face as he stares at you from across the table in the middle of the extravagantly decorated restaurant he picked out for your second date. You remember your eyes bulging out of their own sockets when you saw the "$$$$$" rating Yelp gave the place when you searched it up earlier.

"Okay, okay! One picture," you give in, already slightly annoyed that you were here instead of the comfort of your own bed, where you could be rewatching your favorite Netflix show for the third time. But because you made a deal and because you're desperate for money, you had to follow through––so here you were.

You flash an unconvincing smile to Jay's camera, which doesn't satisfy him, to say the least. "At least pretend you're somewhat enjoying this date," he frowns at you.

You sigh, until a thought crosses your mind and a smile grows on your face. "Only if you get me boba afterwards."

He narrows his eyes at you, but then meets your smile. "Sure, whatever you want. But only because I've been craving some mango milk tea lately."

"You're a fruit milk tea kind of guy? Sorry, but I might have to fake break-up with you," you tease as you take a sip of your overpriced drink to go with your overpriced meal.

Jay scoffs, feigning hurt by placing his hand over his heart. "Ouch. But before you break up with me, let me get this Instagram post in."

"Wow. Your priorities are so straight," you roll your eyes at him, eliciting a cheeky smile from him as he watches you through his held up phone screen.

"3,2,1."

"Hey, I wasn't ready! That was like mid-laugh!" You reach over the table to grab the phone, but not quick enough for him to put his phone back into his pants' pocket.

"Nope, nuh uh," he laughs as you quickly sit back down into your seat, not wanting to cause a scene in an establishment as proper as this one.

"It's fine. It's a good picture, you look cute," he casually lets out, unaware of the blush rising to the surface of your cheeks, thanks to the fact that you were suddenly interested in playing with the left-over food on your plate.

"Jay! Delete it, I'll let you take another one," you whine from your seat, imagining just how bad a candid picture of you could be.

"Ugh, fine. Ever so picky." He playfully rolls his eyes at you as he takes his phone out and opens the camera app as you prepare yourself.

"Okay, how's this?" Jay turns the phone screen to you after he takes a few snaps on his phone.

"I approve," you grin at him as he goes through the pictures himself, unaware of the smile growing on his face.

"Okay now delete the first one," you point your finger at him, narrowing your eyes at him.

"Okay, okay! Bossy," he laughs as he raises in hands in surrender.

When Jay gets home that night, he recovers the image from his Recently Deleted folder, telling himself it's for the sake of the memory.

Obviously.

~ ~ ~

"It's not that big of a deal," Jay mutters from his spot as his eyes go from the Instagram post to his Exile and Belonging in Modern Literature reading that's due tomorrow, bright yellow highlighter in hand. Typically, you'd find the reading buried deep at the bottom of his school backpack. But because Jay ran into you this morning and because he complained to you about the amount of work he's fallen behind on and because you had threatened him to do his work or else you're not going on another date––a fake date that is––with him, he figured he should at least get one reading done and annotated, despite his strong dislike for highlighters (they hurt his eyes, okay?)

What he doesn't know, however, is how your threat was completely full of bluff––but don't tell him that.

"It is so a big deal, for you at least!" Jake hops off the bed and lands on the wooden floors of Jay's dorm room so hard, Jay winces and sends a mental apology to the poor person who lives below him.

Jake suddenly gasps. "I have to meet her, Jay! As your best friend, it's practically mandatory that I meet her."

Jay opens his mouth to protest, but not before Jake interrupts him once again. "Oh! We can bring Sunghoon too, it'll be so fun! The best friends meet the girlfriend."

Jay can't think of anything worst. Jay imagines that bringing you to meet his best friends would just intimidate you out of dating him––fake dating him, that is. Obviously.

He stares at his friend in agony then back at the reading in front of him––the one Jake said he'd come over to help annotate, but the intention completely left Jake's head the second he heard about Jay's recent dating life.

"You don't have to meet her," Jay says pointedly. "Plus, you already know her."

Jake frowns at his friend's excuse. "Yeah, but that was in middle school! This is different."

Jay's hands shuffle through the reading's pages in front of him as he realizes there's no way the two of them are going to finish the assignment at this point. He supposes he'll have to save death by blindness from highlighters for another day and hope you still agree to go out with him.

Jake suddenly gasps in realization.

"Oh my gosh! Childhood best friends turned college sweethearts," Jake says so dreamily, he might as well plaster heart eyes on. Hopeless romantic, this one.

Before Jay can argue, the piercing sound of three loud knocks echo through the small room, followed with a:

"Jay, are you in? It's me!"

Jay stills at the sound of your sweet voice. He whips his head to Jake, who is also frozen in place.

But the widened-eye boy is quick to come to his senses––unfortunately quicker than Jay himself––because the next thing Jay knows, Jake's eyes are lighting up and he's running to the door, ignoring Jay's screaming whispers through this seething teeth that were somewhere along the lines of Jake––stop, I swear to god if you open that door I'm gonna fucking--

"Y/N!" Jake swings the door wide open, revealing an overly excited him and a frozen Jay half-way to the door, as if he was about to grab the very boy welcoming you in. It's as if we're living in a Sims game and the player clicked pause on this very moment.

Jake's eyes are wildly going back and forth between you and your supposed boyfriend, as if he was waiting for Jay to run over and smother you in hugs and kisses...or something couple-y like that. Jay wouldn't know.

"Uh––hi," you're awkwardly standing inside the room now, a relatively large paper brown bag resting in your palms as you look around for a surface to place it on. Jay makes his way to you without a second thought, quickly taking the bag out of your hold.

"You seemed stressed out earlier, so I figured I could bring you some food as a little pick me up. I didn't know what you liked, so I kinda just got a little of everything from the dining hall. Nothing fancy," you're rambling, but smiling so excitedly at him, Jay doesn't know what to say.

Instead, his mouth slightly drops open as he stares at you in awe, mostly because he's not used to being on the receiving end of such spontaneously generous actions––all while Jake's still excitedly looking back and forth between the two of you, as if he was expecting a marriage proposal to come next.

"Oh wow. Thank you. Really," Jay, still touched by your simple act of kindness, softly says as he places the bag on the limited amount of empty space on his desk surface––the rest of it is covered with his untouched textbooks and unfinished assignments. He wonders if you did this out of playing your role or just because you wanted to. He internally hopes it's the latter. "Seriously, you didn't have to do."

"Nah, don't worry. I wanted to," you shrug with such a genuine smile that Jay realizes he actually missed your smile.

Despite having seen you during your brief run-in this morning when you were fetching your morning coffee, Jay realizes he missed you. The two of you haven't been seeing each other recently because of your busy schedule and if Jay didn't realize it before, he's now sure he missed your company and presence around.

Weird.

"Well, you two have fun! Sunghoon needs me for something," Jake suddenly chirps from his place near the front door, halfway through with putting his shoes on already, breaking the comforting silence that fell between the two of you.

Jay frowns. "But you said you were free all da––"

"SUNGHOON IS CALLING BYE!" And before Jay can even register what's happening, Jake's out the door without another word.

"Er..sorry about him, he's...weird," Jay scratches the back of his neck as he returns to his spot on his bed, mentally setting a reminder to yell at Jake later for leaving the two of you alone. Jay doesn't know exactly why, but he's nervous at the fact that you're here in his room. It's not like you two are complete strangers––or whatever you guys were before––anymore. "Good job on your part, though. How'd you know Jake was here?"

"Oh uh, I didn't"," you let out an awkward laugh. "I just felt like doing it."

Heat rushes to Jay's cheeks and he's not sure 1) what this newfound feeling is and 2) how to respond, yet again.

Having expecting you to leave after dropping the food off, Jay's taken by surprise when you take your shoes off and come over to his bed to look at the pile of work he's spread out.

"Is this everything you have to do?" You question the stressed-out boy as you flip through the various assignments, readings, and essays he put off in the past week.

"More or less," he groans. This is no rare occurrence by any means––Jay being behind in his work––but this time, Jay realizes he may actually be in deep shit, considering he has no idea where to begin.

Right as Jay's expecting a scolding from you, he looks up to meet a look of sympathy on your face. "Well, I mean, I'm pretty much done with my day. I can try to help, I recognize some of these readings from last semester."

Jay thinks to himself that the universe has sent him an angel through the form of you.

"Really? Wow, you were't kidding when you said you'd be a good girlfriend," he sends you a surprised look.

"I'm just being nice, Jay. A concept I'm sure you're not familiar with," you remark back at him, causing his forming smile to grow into a laugh.

"I can too be nice! Need I remind you of who's paying you $500, covering all of our dates AND giving you rides to class everyday?" He remarks pointedly at you, a teasing look resting in his eyes as you're reminded of the first of many times he's come to pick you up before class:

~ ~ ~

You're late.

This never happens.

But then again, your life's been a series of unexpected occurrences lately. Such as the fact that you're currently known as Jay Park's girlfriend, for one.

You're scrambling out of bed once you take one look at your phone and realize shit, you're already late for class. Throwing on whatever articles of clothing your eyes land on first, you're already mentally groaning at the fact that you'll have to skip breakfast and run across your campus to get to said class.

Curse your professor for hosting her lecture at the furthest possible building away from your dorm. Curse the architect who decided to make your campus so large.

You're running down the steps outside of your dorm building's doors when you're abruptly stopped by a familiar sounding cough. You look up from trying to gather all your belongings together at once to meet the gaze of the source of the sound––Jay.

"Wow, you're a mess," he smirks as he gets up from the spot on his car he was leaning against to make his way over to you.

"Gee, thanks! Good morning to you too," you flash him a sarcastic smile before your default frown quickly makes it way back onto your face.

"Aren't you gonna ask me why I'm here?" He grins as he grabs hold of your backpack to sling it across his own back as the two of you walk towards his car.

"Why are you here, Jay?" you sigh, your sarcastic tone hard to miss.

"To give you a ride to class, of course!" He's beaming at you, as if he's a pre-pubescent teen who just won their first girlfriend a prize from the arcade's claw machine.

Oh. That explains the car, you figure. Deep down inside, you're relieved that you'll no longer be bursting through the lecture hall's doors as a sweaty mess––a result of having to run across campus to get to class.

Determined to not let your satisfaction completely show, you resort with a little smile directed towards Jay as he opens the passenger door for you.

The second your enter Jay's car, the strong scent of coffee hits you, and your attention is targeted at the two small cups of coffee sitting in the cupholders of the car.

"Breakfast?" Jay asks as he enters through the driver's side and reaches into the backseat to whip out a small pastry bag. A small, deliciously smelling, pastry bag.

Okay, well. You suppose you could drop the annoyed act now.

Your eyes widen with joy as you grab the bag from him and open it to reveal your favorite breakfast sandwich. He's been taking notes, you'll give him that point.

"Okay, you win. Thank you," you grace him with a soft smile before taking a bite into the glorious gift in your hands.

"Of course, I was just feeling nice," he grins at you as he starts his car. "But don't get used to it." His tone is serious, but his smile directed towards you says differently.

And the fact that he still showed up to drive you to class the next morning.

And the next.

~ ~ ~

"And need I remind you who has to date your dumb ass for the $500 in question?" Your eyes narrow at the boy who can't seem to get that damn smile off his face.

Jay sticks his tongue out at you, ending the conversation. Really Jay? What are you, five? Well, mentally––probably.

You're looking around his minuscule dorm room for a place to sit down, and Jay can't help but feel embarrassed now that you're here, in his messy single studio room that pretty much reflects how Jay treats every other responsibility of his oh so hard life: neglected.

"Uh...here, you can sit on my bed," Jay immediately offers as he moves to the side to make room for your presence––and it isn't much, considering the university only provided him a twin XL bed which is definitely not built for two grown college-aged kids.

If you told yourself a few weeks ago that you'd be shoulder to shoulder on a bed belonging to the guy you cringed at the very thought of, you wouldn't have believed yourself. You wouldn't have believed yourself if you said you were actually glad Jay let you stay instead of kicking you out after delivering the food. Huh.

Weird.

"You know, this kinda reminds me of when we were kids. I always carried us through those horrible multiplication tests in the fifth grade," you wink at him as you settle in the spot next to him, hands grabbing hold of the papers in his lap.

Jay let out a laugh, nudging your shoulder with his. "Hey! The twelve times table is hard, okay?"

You roll your eyes at him––a habit of yours he's noticed whenever the two of you are together, but more recently, he thinks it's been more out of fun than annoyance.

He wonders why.

When Jay had first brought up the idea of bringing you as his date to his father's company dinner, you had expected a fairly fancy five-star restaurant with a formal dress code––for you've become accustomed to Jay's lifestyle. Turns out, your expectations can continue to be exceeded. Because what you had expected to be a simple dinner with a few other business men and women turned out to be an entire party, hosted in a hotel whose interior resembled something close to a castle (Or what you assume a castle looks like, as you've never personally been into a castle yourself, but this hotel is close enough).

Your eyes sparkle at the extravagant columns and diamond chandeliers hanging high above you, and Jay smiles at the expression on your face; like a little girl being brought to the amusement park for the first time ever.

"Wow, this is...wow," you mutter as you drink in the scene in front of you: people dressed in formal attire likewise to yours and Jay's, mingling and drinking what you imagine to be beverages that cost more than your entire life's worth.

Jay laughs from behind you, "Yeah the company goes a little...extra when it comes to these company dinners."

You scoff as you look up at him. "Oh really, you don't say?" You look around and you're suddenly aware of the many people surrounding the two of you and the attention you've acquired ever since entering the building.

"Jay, people are staring." You shuffle closer to him, your voice lowering down to a whisper.

"Well, it's not everyday the son of the company's CEO brings his girlfriend with him, so...looks like we'll be the talk of the party tonight. Smiles on," he winks at you, and you just know he's loving the attention the two of you are receiving right now.

"Jay Park? Is that you?" You hear a warm voice call out from behind the two of you.

The two of you turn around to meet the owner of the voice, a middle-aged woman dressed in an evening gown that matches the pattern of high-end brands you've been recognizing ever since arriving.

"Mrs. Lee! It's so nice seeing you again," Jay cheerily addresses the woman as the two of you bow in greeting.

You internally giggle at the thought of your Jay being so picture-perfect in the eyes of his father's co-workers.

"This is Y/N," he continues, his hand finding its way to your back, protectively resting it there as you go to introduce yourself. "My girlfriend."

You swear you feel goosebumps rise from where he's lightly touching you, and more so when he introduces you as his girlfriend.

You tell yourself it's just your nerves. Yes, that's it, you're just nervous. I mean, you're in a room filled with people who could easily pay off all your college loans with just a snap of their fingers, who wouldn't be nervous? Right? Right.

"Y/N! It's a pleasure to finally meet you, I've heard so much about you!" Mrs. Lee excitedly exclaims as you turn to Jay with a slightly confused look plastered on your face. He mirrors your expression as he shrugs, moving to stand behind you completely, bringing his hands to rest lowly at your hips.

His hands feel like feathers on the thin fabric of your evening gown, so light, so delicate, as if he's unsure if he's crossing a line. It leaves you wanting more, wanting to naturally lean against him and his warmth. You quick to shake the thought of your head as Mrs. Lee chirps up again.

"Jay's father is always talking about how you've been keeping Jay pleasantly busy nowadays! Good thing too, about time this poor boy settle down for someone as beautiful as you," the woman rambles on as you feel a blush creep up on your cheeks at the thought of Jay talking about you to his dad. If only they knew.

"We should probably go find our seats, I think the dinner is beginning soon," Jay says from behind you, saving the two of you from having to listen to Mrs. Lee's story of how she's known Jay ever since he was five years old and seeing him grow into this mature, loving, young man is so amazing. Oh look! I have baby pictures.

Yeah, he was more so saving himself from embarrassment.

The two of you bid your goodbyes before Jay gently uses the hand on your back to maneuver you through the crowd of socializing business moguls.

"She's not wrong, you know," you feel Jay dip his head so he's speaking near your ear, his warm breath tickling your earlobe, as the two of you make your way through the large foyer room.

"Hm?" You hum in question, turning your head up just enough to be able to make eye contact with him as he responds to your look of confusion.

"You look beautiful tonight," he says, eye contact not breaking once. You freeze in your steps.

You stare back at him in silence. Oh.

Your mind is panicking as it flips through your mental book of responses, unsure of what to say back. But because your mind is cloudy from staring at a put-together Jay in a dark navy suit to match your dress (mixed with the nervous butterflies in your stomach––have they always been there?), the only sound that's able to leave your lips is the small stutter of a:

"Huh?"

Wow Y/N, you had one job. A simple "thank you" could've sufficed! And you went with "Huh"?

You felt like a fifth grader who just learned from a friend of a friend of a friend that their crush likes them back.

"U-um. Mrs. Lee. What she said about you. You look good, really," somehow your nervousness made its way over to Jay now––his eyes flickering from yours to anywhere, anything, else in the room––the awkward tension growing tenfold each second.

Goddamnit Y/N, this is just Jay you're talking to, get a grip.

You're knocked back into reality when he slightly nudges your back to continue making your way to the main ball room, where the dinner is being held.

"Is that a compliment from the Jay Park?" Your smirk can't be seen by Jay, since he's still trailing behind you, but he can definitely hear it through your tone.

"Don't make me take it back," he chuckles, his words felt against your neck, leaving behind a tingly sensation you're not sure why you're feeling. You're glad he's behind you, so he isn't able to see the blush creeping onto your face for the second time tonight.

Jay gives a small nod to the people behind the check-in desk stationed at the entrance as the two of you waltz right into a large ball room lined with countless circular dining tables. So much for a small business dinner.

As the two of you approach one of the tables placed at the front of the room, you notice a familiar figure seated next to the seats reserved for you and Jay.

"Y/N!" Jake exclaims as he gets up from his seat to greet the both of you. "I'm so glad you made it, Jay was so excited to bring you tonight. Deadass would not stop talking about it."

Jay lets out a noise that falls somewhere between a cough and a goose being strangled, his widened eyes warning his talkative friend to just shut up. He's silently cursing the company for always seating his and Jake's family at the same table for these events.

"Aw, is that so? He's lucky he's cute or else I wouldn't have agreed," you grin, winking at your assumed boyfriend sitting next to you.

"Hey, YOU were the one excited to come! I recall a certain someone's face lighting up when I suggested we go shopping for tonight," Jay immediately retorts.

"Only because you were buying," you giggle, causing Jake to laugh as well.

"Damn, Jay. Tough," Jake jokingly adds as you laugh alongside him. The scowl sitting on Jay's face expresses the opposite of what he's feeling right now: warmth filling him up from the sound of your laughter and the image of you getting along so well with his best friend.

"I'm gonna get us some drinks, you two have fun making fun of me," Jay narrows his eyes at the two of you as he gets up from his seat. You bid him off with a smile before turning back to Jake.

"No but really though, this boy would not stop talking about you coming tonight. Then again, he doesn't really ever stop talking about you," Jake nonchalantly says, not knowing how much he was exposing his friend to you right now.

You raise an eyebrow up in response, "Oh really?"

"Seriously! I don't know what you did to him, Y/N, but this Jay I've been seeing recently is new. He complains a lot less about life nowadays, especially on the days he sees you," he leans back in his chair as his comment brings a smile to your face. Little does he know.

You stretch your neck up to find the boy in question and spot him right as he's returning to your shared table, two drinks in hand. You lock eyes with him from across the room and without a second thought, you're giving him a genuine smile that he's immediately returning.

Your heart beats faster at the view.

You wonder why.

It's 3:07AM when you hear the first ding.

You're not 100% sure as of why you're awake at this hour on a Tuesday night––perhaps a combination of your restless thoughts and feelings not letting you sleep plus the typical stress that comes hand-in-hand with the life of a college student.

It's 3:09AM when you hear the second ding, and you brush it off, assuming it was just Heeseung spamming you with memes again––something he does often when he also can't sleep (you found this out the hard way).

It's still 3:09AM when you hear the third ding, and at 3:10AM , you finally reach over and decide to acknowledge the being who's bothering you at this godforsaken hour.

Jay [3:07AM]: Y/N

Jay [3:09AM]: hi

Jay [3:09AM]: r u awake rn

Y/N [3:10AM]: unfortunately so

Y/N [3:11AM]: why are you up

Jay [3:11AM]: come outside

Y/N [3:13AM: jay it's 3am

Jay [3:13AM]: ye and? don't tell me ur a college student with a curfew

Jay [3:14AM]: plus im alrdy waiting for u outside so u have no choice

Jay [3:15AM]: :)

You groan at your bright phone screen currently illuminating your dark dorm room.

You ponder the consequences you may have to suffer tomorrow if you stay up any later than you already have. But considering the fact that you're probably just going to stay awake lying in bed for god knows how long anyways, why not?

(And you would like to point out that this decision has nothing to do with the fact that you haven't seen Jay in a few days and that maybe a tiny, tiny, tiny, part of you may have missed his presence. Nothing.)

And since that logic is obviously valid (you really gotta work on justifying your life choices), you're suddenly grabbing a hoodie from your closet and hoping it'll be enough to keep you, who's merely in an old band t-shirt from high-school and pajama shorts, warm.

The breeze hits your skin the second you open the doors to your dorm's building, and you're met with the view of Jay's sleek, black BMW that probably costs more than your tuition. He waves at you from the driver's seat, motioning for you to get in.

"To what do I owe you the pleasure at this hour," you deadpan at him with a stone-cold voice as you enter through the passenger's side door, hoping your tone was enough to hide the fact that you're giddy at the fact he invited you out at 3AM in the morning. Like a high-school girl sneaking out of her house to meet up with her bad-boy boyfriend that her parents dislike.

The second you enter his car, you're instantly comforted by the warm air blasting through his vents and his playlist softly playing in the background. Jay's pajama pants and messy hair give you more than enough information to know that he probably just rolled out of his own bed as well. You don't know why, but your view: Jay in his oversized hoodie with his unkept hair in front of your dorm building at 3AM on a Tuesday night, gives you comfort in weird ways you can't explain even if you tried.

But it's obviously just your cloudy, 3AM mind not thinking straight. Obviously.

"When I can't sleep, I go on drives around campus. It helps clear my mind," he says, looking over at you to give you a quick smile before starting his car. "Plus, SnapMap said you were still awake, so...figured you'd wanna join."

"Oh so what, you're my stalker now? You're not driving to the woods to kill me now, are you?" You tease, an eyebrow brought up. Jay lets out a laugh from beside you as he begins to drive further into your campus.

"Guess you'll just have to wait and see," he throws you a wink before reverting his gaze back to the road, mindlessly driving to wherever the road decides to take him.

A comfortable silence falls in between the two of you as Jay continues to drive endless routes around your campus. You look over to the boy driving next to you and take in his features––you don't know what changed, but you no longer feel the same anger or annoyance bubbling within you when you're around him. You're not sure when this changed, but you figure it's just the effect of desensitization. After all, you've been spending so much time with him, you're bound to get used to it. Right?

"Why were you up?" Jay finally asks after a few minutes of just the two of you silently basking in each other's presences.

"Ah, you know. The usual. Endless thoughts running through my mind, stress from school, nothing new," you sign, giving him a soft smile followed with a shrug.

"Penny for your thoughts?"

You answer him with silence as you search your head for the answer.

"I don't know. This is kinda weird, isn't it?" You don't know why you get a sudden surge of confidence, but before you can stop yourself, you find yourself rambling on. "If you had told me a month ago that I'd be here driving around with you when it's nearly 4AM, I would've laughed in your face."

Jay doesn't know whether to laugh or scoff. "Is the idea of hanging out with me that unappealing to you?"

You give him a serious look back. "I mean, up until a month ago when you needed me for whatever this game is, you literally pretended I didn't exist."

Oh. Awkward.

You freeze at your own words, mentally screaming at yourself for letting the words leave your mouth. Why, why, why.

"Y/N..." Jay says after clearing his throat after a few seconds of silence.

"No it's fine, it was a joke," you awkwardly cough and direct your attention to anything else around you right now. The view of your campus' buildings zooming by. The clicking of Jay's blinker when he switches lanes. The quiet roaring of his car's engine. The nervous tapping of his fingers against the steering wheel.

The rest of the ride is excruciatingly silent as he exits the main road and into an empty parking lot of some administration building made out of glass that has too many floors for you to count.

You don't know why you feel your heart beating in your throat as Jay puts the car into park––why you feel uneasy. You slightly turn towards him in your seat, hoping to pick up any sign of well...anything from him.

You don't know why you feel a twinge of guilt––it's not like what you said was necessarily wrong. If you were being honest, you were slightly bothered by how the two of you seemed to silently agree not to mention your past all this time. You were always one to seek answers, to seek closure. You couldn't help but bring it up––Jay was your best friend during those years. For him to just wake up one day and pretend you were nothing to him hurt you, and you couldn't help but still wonder what in the world you did to initiate his actions.

"I'm sor–" You're interrupted with his timid voice, as if he was almost afraid to speak.

"I'm not good with people." He's nibbling on his bottom lip, fingers nervously picking at a spot on the steering wheel.

You're opening and closing your mouth, unsure how to respond. You're 100% positive you look like a fish right now. Good for you.

"I don't know why. Jake calls it commitment issues but in order to have commitment, people have to stay in my life. And people just...don't. They're all bound to leave at some point. So what's the point of putting in effort into relationships if they're just going to leave you at the end?"

You're stunned by his sudden confession, not having been prepared for such a heavy topic to arise between the two of you. Up until tonight, your interactions had always been light-hearted and easy––you guys got along well. You didn't know this is how he felt all along.

But you knew where he was coming from.

You knew what Jay had gone through as a child––his mother having left him and his dad when he was young. You remember when your parents had told you the news at the young age of 13, and you remember the pain and sorrow you felt for your then friend. All you wanted to do was go to him and comfort him, but he had already cut you out from his life by then.

"Or maybe I'm the problem. My dad barely acknowledges my existence because he thinks giving me an allowance is all the parenting I need, my friends probably only stick around because they feel bad for me, you wouldn't even be here if it weren't for the bet, and, fuck, I'm literally known as the campus' fuckboy," Jay continues, falling deeper and deeper into the hole he dug himself.

He hates this, he hates opening up and feeling vulnerable, so he doesn't know why he's doing it now. He doesn't know why he feels comfortable voicing out his fears and worries when he's around you. But he does know it's a new feeling––one he doesn't know how to deal with.

"Jay," you lace your voice with as much comfort as you can provide. None of this is his fault, you want to tell him. "I'm sorry."

"Why are you sorry? You didn't do anything," he says with a hint of bitterness and you can't tell if it's directed towards you or the topic at hand.

You're completely turned in your seat now to face him––despite the fact that he refuses to meet your gaze, afraid that looking at you is gonna bring out the most vulnerable in him. "You can talk to me. Talking about it makes it a lot easier. I'll always be here for you, as a friend."

Jay doesn't know what it is or why, but something in him snaps at the sound of a certain word falling out of your lips. Friend. Friend.

Friends don't make his heart beat nervously whenever he's around them. Friends don't keep him up at 3AM in the morning, pondering about his feelings for them. Friends don't provide him with this new, warm comfort he's become accustomed to whenever he's around you.

Deep down, Jay knows you didn't mean to add fuel to the fire. But because he's strong-headed, stubborn, and hates how vulnerable he feels next to you, he unleashes his emotions without thinking about the destruction coming along.

"It's none of your business, Y/N. Forget I said anything. You're just a toy for this stupid game and when it's all over we can go back to our own lives and forget this ever happened."

His sudden words cut deep, but they hurt him more than you. The second the words tumble out of his mouth, he's hit with the feeling of instant regret washing over him, and the lump forming in his throat restricts him from finding the right words to take them back.

The silence that falls between the two of you this time is different. It's a cold silence. A loud silence.

Jay feels his walls coming back up around him––the ones you managed to get through––and all he wants to do is apologize but he's terrified. Terrified of seeing your reaction, terrified of losing you again. For the second time.

You tell yourself he doesn't mean it. You tell yourself that he's just enduring more pain that one should ever receive.

But you also tell yourself that this wouldn't be the first time Jay leaves you in the dust.

You tell yourself that you're foolish for ever believing a friendship, or more, could come out of this act at the end. That you're so naive for feeling those stupid, stupid butterflies you've started to notice in your stomach whenever you see, or even think of, him.

"Okay," you begin with a firm tone. You're hurt, but you refuse to show it. You won't let him hurt you for a second time. Not again.

"Just...find me when you need me. As your fake girlfriend or just...me. I'm still here for you," is the last thing you say before un-clicking your seatbelt and leaving his car, beginning your walk back to your dorm hall.

Jay is unsure about many things in life. He's unsure about what he wants to do in the future, he's unsure of where he's going to settle in life, heck, he's unsure about what to have for lunch tomorrow. But he's sure about one thing.

That he's wearing his heart on his sleeve right now, and it's all because of you.

That you've become this new lifeline and he has to choose between holding onto you or drowning.

When Jay wakes up the next morning, his first gut instinct is to get ready to pick you up for class. But today's different. Jay doesn't know where the two of you stand now, especially after last night.

Jay doesn't know how to deal with this combination of unknown emotions he's been feeling lately. They didn't come out of no where, by any means, he realizes. They've been slowly growing over the past month of seeing you so often––like a plant he's been watering overtime, not expecting it to bloom into a flower so suddenly––but he figured it was nothing more than just enjoying the company of a friend.

Until he realizes that the term friend just doesn't suite you anymore––not to him, at least. And that scares him. It scares him that you've made him genuinely smile more in this past month than he ever has in his 19 years of living. It scares him that when he's around you he can't comprehend his own thoughts, his feelings. It scares him that you make him vulnerable, that you've changed him. That you've managed to make the walls that he's spent so long building and polishing to crumble with a simple tap of your finger.

In a perfect world, Jay would have already told you all this––he would be unafraid of how you would react, unafraid of your rejection, unafraid of losing this growing relationship with you. But alas, we don't live in a perfect world. And so when Jay drives to class that day, he drives right past your dorm building.

"Where's Y/N?" is the first thing Jake questions when he enters Jay's car that morning, confused by your absence, having been used to you being in the front seat every morning when Jay goes to give Jake rides to class as well.

"I don't know," Jay mutters, unemotional eyes focused on the road in front of him, not interested in continuing a conversation that involves thinking about you.

Jake hesitates as curiosity gets the best of him. "Did you guys get into a fight or something?"

Jay's hands tighten around the steering wheel of his car. "Or something. Let's just leave it at that."

There are a few beats of silence before Jake speaks up again.

"Well, I guess this works out because I wanted to talk to you about something."

Jay continues to stare straight ahead of him, focusing on just trying to get by without mentally beating himself up at the simple thought of you.

The simple thought of you and your smile. Your witty remarks. Your stupid eye rolls. Your laughter. Your kindness. So much for not thinking about you.

"I'm calling it off," Jake's words catch Jay off guard.

"Huh? Calling what off?"

"The bet. I'm calling it off. I don't care about the textbook fees I'll have to pay next semester. Look, fight or not, you and Y/N are good for each other, everyone can see it. And I really don't want this to end up being one of those messed up teen TV shows where the girlfriend finds out the entire relationship was based off of a stupid game and then they break up and the boyfriend falls into eternal sadness and regret. And I don't wanna see you sad, dude. So yeah! Congrats," although he's admitting defeat, Jake's beaming widely, just content with the fact that his best friend has finally found happiness through the form of you. "You win."

But Jay feels like the opposite of a winner. Because even though his only intention coming into this was simply winning the bet, his life isn't as simple as it was a month ago. Because he discovered something much more valuable than some stupid textbook fees or five hundred dollars or getting his physics homework done for an entire semester.

Something he's scared he's already lost.

You.

⸺ ⸺ ⸺ ⸺ ⸺ ⸺ ⸺ ⸺ ⸺ ⸺ ⸺

The next time you see Jay is at the same time and place as when he first ever appeared to pick you up––at 12:17PM on a Friday afternoon, as you're exiting the doors of the lecture building home to your awfully long Capitalism in World History class. This time, however it's different.

Because this time, it's one month later, and Jay Park is no longer a forgotten side character in the story of your life. This time, you're frustrated because it's been three days since you've last heard from Jay. And because it's been three days since you've last heard from him, you can't focus on anything else, and because you can't focus on anything else, you're falling behind on every other aspect in your life. Jay's somehow managed to become the center of your life without even having to be present.

Well, up until now. Up until you go down the steps of your lecture hall's entrance and look up to be met with a figure leaning on a car you're far too familiar with. You freeze in your steps as you make eye contact with the boy you've been thinking about non-stop for the past month three days.

Your mind tells you to walk away, to just follow your flight instinct instead of fight, to just go back to your normal life. But here's the thing. Ever since Jay's made his way back to your life, it's been far from normal.

And if you're being honest, you had no interest in going back to your normal life. Normal's overrated anyways. You find your legs bringing yourself over to him, your heart leading the way.

"Hi," you simply say, planting yourself right in front of him.

"Hi."

"What are you doing here?" You already know the answer, but you want to hear him say it.

"Waiting for you," Jay doesn't hesitate in answering you. This time will be different, he tells himself.

"I can walk myself home, thanks," you state, but your actions tell differently, as you make no sign of moving from your spot in front of him.

Jay's mind contemplates telling you everything. About how he regrets that friendship-breaking decision he made that one fateful day in the eighth grade, about his true feelings, about how he first suspected these feelings when he was 11 years old and saw you in your fancy get-up for the sixth grade dance but put it off as a little crush, and about how the same feelings grew into something so, so much more in the present. But seeing that putting all these thoughts into words would involve more than one functioning brain cell (which is all he's convinced he has in the moment, for the view of you staring up at him, looking like that, has his brain short-circuiting), he settles with:

"He called it off. It's over. The bet."

"Oh."

Silence.

Okay, Jay. This is your chance. Say it.

"Is that it?" You lift an eyebrow, awaiting for more explanation. When it doesn't come, you slightly nod and start backing away. "I'll see you around then."

Is that it? Do the two of you just go back to your respective lives now? How can Jay do that, when he doesn't even recall what his life was like before you entered it––and especially when he has absolutely no interest in going back to that life?

Fuck it.

"Y/N!" He stands up straight, a newfound confidence taking over. This time will be different, he tells himself. Because now, he knows what he wants. For sure.

You turn towards him, to see him already making his way towards you, stopping in his steps when he finds himself close enough to you that he can't concentrate anymore.

"I'm sorry for ditching you in the eighth grade. I'm sorry for ignoring you since then. I'm sorry for dragging you into this stupid mess and for pushing you away and I'm sorry for calling you a toy. Because it's far from truth. I like you. A lot. And––and I'm scared. I'm scared of what this means for us, because I just keep messing things up and all I know is that I don't wanna wake up tomorrow and realize you're not in my life anymore and––"

"Woah, woah, Jay. Slow down," you look up at him, the corners of your lips threatening to curve up into a smile. "You're an idiot, you know."

Jay's never really confessed his feelings to anyone before, per say, so he doesn't really know what to expect. But he's watched enough Netflix rom-coms in this lifetime (which is still not that many) to know that hearing the words "you're an idiot" isn't what you're supposed to hear after pouring your heart and soul out. Surely not, right?

"I––I'm not sure how to respond to that," he quietly says, searching your eyes for a sign, for anything. You giggle at his sudden shyness as you grab both his arms and look at him right in the eyes.

"It's okay. I get it, if anything, I'm also scared. But you somehow got me wrapped around your stupid finger, and I hate it," you smirk at him, your hands slowly making their way up his arms to circle around his neck.

Jay's hands naturally fall at your waist as he lets out a breathe he didn't even know he was holding as he returns your smirk. "Well, I could say the same about you. And I also hate it, for your information."

"Hmm, is that so? I guess it cancels out then, right?" You smile at him as he's pulling you in so close, your head turns cloudy.

Jay grins at you, his eyes holding so much joy and endearment as they quickly flicker down to your lips before returning to your own eyes. "I guess this only means one thing then."

"Mm, and what's that?"

And before Jay can answer––and because your life's been anything but normal lately––you make the first move this time, moving your head up to close the small gap between the two of you.

His arms instinctively tighten around you as you capture his lips with your very own, and Jay swears he's about to lift off into space right now. He's on cloud nine, and he makes no plans to touch the ground ever again.

The kiss quickly becomes fervent, all the pent-up tension that the two of you had for one another finally finding its way out, all the words that were previously left unsaid finally expressing themselves. You don't even care if you're being judged by the conservative faculty members of your school right now, or by the looks of fellow students walking past the two of you.

You try your best to keep yourself from smiling as he continues to press his lips against yours, his hand moving to hold your chin, guiding your mouth with his.

Before you find yourself getting carried away, you step back to take a breath, resting your forehead against his chest as his hands rest against your back. He smiles at the sound of you giggling against him.

Jay takes a step back to take one look at you and realizes, in this moment, that change can be good. And he's willing to undergo this change. As long as it's with you.

⸺ ⸺ ⸺ ⸺ ⸺ ⸺ ⸺ ⸺ ⸺ ⸺ ⸺

The next morning, you bounce down the steps of your dorm building's entrance to meet the wide, bright smile of your ex-childhood-bestfriend-turned-fake-boyfriend-turned-real-boyfriend waiting for you in front of his car, small pastry bag in hand. You smile back at him.

Jay drives you to class that day.

And everyday after that.

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ :

✰ let me know what you think! if u made it til the end, mwah :') <3