#just break my heart that is KL

[melrosing]

MBO Robert’s Rebellion: Season 2 Episode 3

what the fuck is this: it's me drafting a fake robert's rebellion tv show through a series of bullet points. there will be two seasons of ten episodes each when done

notes on this one: I’ve changed a couple (minor imo…) details just for my own purposes. first is that I’ve only sent two KG after Rhaegar, second is that I’ve had Aerys use wildfire on the Starks whereas I think in canon it’s just regular ole fire. whatever. humour me

also these are getting much longer lol

prev: 2.02

next: 2.04

title for this one: aerys’ bbq

Brandon and Rickard Stark march down the Kingsroad, arrive at the gates of KL with their men, and demand entry. The gates are opened readily for them, rousing some suspicion in the Stark men - but they continue on nonetheless

Aerys receiving word of this in the throne room that the Starks have arrived - Varys whispers the news in his ear. A slow zoom on. Aerys chewing on his fingernails, his eyes racing back and forth - fear battling it out with fury

~ Opening creds ~

Meanwhile!! Rhaegar and Lyanna have made camp in the woods. Rhaegar compliments Lyanna, saying she makes a fierce fire. Lyanna says she often used to hunt with her brothers - they were all hopeless at it. Lyanna asks where they are headed, anyway - feels like they’ve been wandering aimlessly. Rhaegar says there’s a place not far from here that his great uncle used to visit sometimes, with his wife Jenny. Lyanna like: Jenny of Oldstones? She likes that song. But why are they going there??? Rhaegar asks why Lyanna is following. Lyanna frowns, initially annoyed by the question, then tells him she didn’t want what waited for her at home. Rhaegar asks what does she want? Lyanna doesn’t know. Rhaegar asks what she sees in her dreams. Lyanna wants to know why he keeps asking about her damn dreams. But after a moment, she confesses that she saw him. Rhaegar at her, resolute

Back in KL. Brandon & Rickard are shown to the Red Keep, where they are greeted by the Hand of the King, Owen Merryweather. Rickard demands Rhaegar; Merryweather offers his apologies, however, Rhaegar is not here. The King will see them, however, and listen to their complaints. The Starks look suspicious, but follow Merryweather inside the Keep

Rickard murmurs to Brandon that he has heard the King has no great love for his son. Whatever the Prince may have done, they must make their case before the King, for Lyanna lies at the heart of it. Rickard’s voice breaks. She is his girl, his only girl. Brandon assures his father that they will find Lyanna, and she and Rickard will make amends for their quarrels together. And for whatever he has done to her, Brandon declares quietly that though Robert may never forgive him, he will kill Rhaegar himself

The Starks reach the throne room, where Aerys awaits them. Brandon and Rickard sense the tone shift as they approach the throne, the size of the thing becoming more apparent. Aerys speaks from atop it, he hears the Starks of Winterfell have been demanding words with him. Rickard states that they have received word that his son has taken Lyanna. Aerys asks if Lyanna is the horsey girl he saw in the stands? He’s sure he never knew what it was that Rhaegar saw in such a child, but it may well be that he has taken her. Princes do what they will. Rickard begins to object. Aerys interjects - but you northmen, mere servants, demanding words…… ‘you demand anything of your king?’ (Some dialogue for u) Just as B&R realise how far south this has sailed, all their men are killed around them. Brandon and Rickard are seized, and dragged in different directions

Catelyn stands at her father’s side in his solar, as he harshly dismisses Petyr Baelish from his service. Petyr is still harshly bruised, his arm in a sling. With poison in his eyes, he turns and leaves wordlessly. Hoster tells Cat that Lysa is childish to be so heartbroken over a feeble thing such as Petyr, and more foolish still to - he cuts himself off. Cat tells Hoster that Lysa is still only a girl, and she will grow and mature. Hoster tells Cat she has always been mature far beyond her years. Even now, when by all rights she should be the sister weeping in her room for fear, she stands here strong at his side. Cat tells Hoster she knows that Brandon will return, for doubtless he’d fear her lord father’s wrath if he did not. Hoster manages a small smile, but remains deeply uncertain. Whatever comes to pass, he says, ‘I will see to it that you are well matched’. Cat begins to realise the gravity of the situation. ‘And your sister, too, gods help her.’

In Jon Arryn’s solar with Ned and Bob. It’s obvious they’re spending most of their time here, awaiting news. Robert is unusually silent, whilst Ned tells Jon he needs to find his sister. Jon says Ned should wait here, and see what word comes from King’s Landing. Ned says Lyanna won’t be there: they’ve gone to the wrong place. Robert asks if Ned knows where she is then, because if he does then why doesn’t he damn well say? Ned says he doesn’t know. Robert says then they should leave it to his brother and his father. Ned is taken aback, but Robert doesn’t care just now. Lyanna is his

Arthur on the road with Oswell Whent. Oswell asks if Arthur does truly know where on earth they’re going. Arthur doesn’t answer. Whent asks Arthur if he thinks Rhaegar has done something to the Stark girl. Arthur says nothing. Whent says he wouldn’t have thought the man capable if he hadn’t two kids to show for it, and Elia’s beautiful enough so what’s he chasing after this northerner for, anyway. Arthur says they must be found. Whent like sure ok but it’s a needle in a haystack..… Arthur looks to the stars, then leads them in a new direction. Whent asks what the hell he thinks he’s seen, why are they heading this way. Arthur doesn’t reply

Elia in Maegor’s with Rhaella, the children around them; they’re being kept here during the Stark fracas. She tells the Queen she should like to return to Dorne, to keep the children safe during this time of tension. She would be happy to take Viserys, and Rhaella too if she’d like. They’ve not gotten to know each other much, yet she knows her mother loved Rhaella well, and her son would never let any harm come to she or her young son. Rhaella tells Elia they cannot leave - Aerys won’t allow it. Elia says that if she speaks with the King, he might change his mind. Rhaella implores her, you shouldn’t ask him. Do not ask him

Brandon in a black cell alone: he’s obviously been there many days. Suddenly, light; a gaoler has arrived with a pyromancer, but Brandon doesn’t recognise him as such. Brandon is told that his father has done the King great insult, but Aerys is merciful. He will allow a trial. Brandon says a trial for what - it’s their bloody Prince who ought to be on trial. They want to know where Lyanna is. The pyromancer continues regardless that Rickard has demanded trial by combat, and Aerys, in his magnanimity, has granted him this. He invites Brandon to watch

Jaime Lannister watches as wood is piled before him in the throne room. Utterly confused, he looks to Gerold Hightower, who won’t look back at him. Aerys watches the wood pile up with something stirring behind his eyes

Rickard is led in first, wearing fine armour. He demands to know who he is to fight. Next he is seized, and suspended above the wood, and Aerys informs him that fire is the champion of House Targaryen. Jaime whips round to look at Aerys, then Gerold, but no-one looks back, and no-one intervenes. Suddenly the doors open again, and Jaime watches as a strange contraption is wheeled in and placed before the fire

Brandon is led through the halls, all deadly silent. He senses something is terribly wrong, and has it confirmed when the doors open on the throne room. Rickard is suspended above a pyre, and Aerys looks on from on high. Rickard tells his son to leave him, to go find Lyanna and save her. Aerys says he could save his father instead - all he has to do is reach him. Brandon sees the contraption for the first time only as he is manhandled into it. Brandon, frantic, demands to know if this is all House Targaryen has left - a pile of logs in place of dragons? For a second Aerys looks perturbed by this comment, till he answers ‘a dragon sits before you, and his fire burns as hot’

A fire is lit beneath Rickard, and Brandon immediately strains forward to reach him. Feeling the noose tightening around his neck as he does so, he looks to Aerys, aghast. Aerys looks back, a small smile on his lips

The rest is a slow zoom on Jaime as he strains to mask his horror, the sounds of the Starks’ suffering fading into silence as he blocks it out. The room is bathed in an ever-growing green

Maegor’s holdfast: Princess Rhaenys wanders to the window, and is awed to see the windows of the throne room glowing green in the distance. Elia goes to see what her daughter is looking at, and is filled with disquiet - she leads Rhaenys away

Cut twenty mins later to the bodies of the Starks upon the floor of the throne room. The king strides past them to leave, Jonothor Darry and Gerold Hightower follow in his wake. Jaime stops beside the bodies and stares. Suddenly, a hand on his shoulder. It seems a gesture of comfort at first, until we see the look on Gerold Hightower’s face. It is stern and accusatory: “You swore a vow to guard the king, not to judge him.”

In the Riverlands with Rhaegar and Lyanna. It’s the middle of the night as they reach High Heart. Lyanna is alarmed to see a figure amongst the weirwood stumps, but Rhaegar awaits the Ghost as she slowly makes for them. The Ghost becomes more perturbed the closer she gets, looking at Lyanna with a kind of horror in her eyes. She tells Lyanna she brings death: countless deaths, Rhaegar’s and her own. what a fucking greeting. The Ghost says they cannot stay here; she will not have them. Lyanna looks to Rhaegar to see if he has any take on this. Rhaegar does not. They ride onwards

[wonswondrland]

4 months were not wasted!

warning! vulgar language + wirtten! (wc 368)

i paced the foor of my room, my brain running 100 miles per hour. he was so cold. was he going to break up with me? was he coming to apologize? my mind raced playing out every possible scenario until i heard a knock on the door. deep breaths. opening the door, i immediately locked eyes with riki. “hey,” he said softly walking inside, taking off his shoes. he made himself comfortable on the couch as i bit my lip nervously, not knowing what to do with myself. “um do you want anything to drink? or a snack?” “no, i’m okay i just want to talk and then i’ll be on my way.” i sat down next to him and placed my hand on his. “is everything okay?” he sighed, running his hand through his hair. “i got some texts from giselle. she told me some things about you,” he paused, collecting himself. “and you’ve been hanging out with renjun, a lot and i just… i don’t know that we should continue dating, kl.” my heart shattered into a million pieces. “renjun and i are just friends,” i stopped fighting tears, “what did she say to you? what made you think this? why?” i immediately began to feel the tears flow down my face. “look i don’t believe majority of what she said. i know you broke up with jungwon and she tried to make you seem like you were crazy and obsessive. i know it’s not true but… i just feel that you are not ready for a relationship.” now he was starting to cry. i wiped away his tears pleading my case. “riki, i am. i love you. please, riki.” the apartment fell silent. the sound of the ac flooded my ears. i sat still staring into riki’s eyes, tears spilling from our eyes. after five minutes of silence and sniffles i finally nodded. “okay. i’m sorry riki but i do love you. please understand that.” he wrapped his arms around me, kissing my temple. “i love you so much kl. let’s just stay best friends okay? i don’t want to throw all these years away.” i stayed still crying into his chest, accepting the heartbreak.

Eyes Off You

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taglist! open :) (purple means i can't tag you)

@sthinqsz @hwalllllllelujah @lovelymura @ja4hyvn @wonamour @tomorrowbymoa-together @luviehyck @chloexc @w0nslvr @electrobutterfly @kgneptun @nikiswifiee @heeseungspookie @jwonistic @pshwrldd @enhabooks

[avidbeader]

So, I've been doing the Great Sheith Reblog for a while now, gradually reblogging almost everything I shared before that was tagged as Sheith. Lots of art, gifsets, fics and recs, old merch posts, and meta to go around with the occasional dash of salt because lord, dumbness about shipping brings out the salt sometimes. But most of the time it's a lovely nostalgia hit and a reminder of why I still love this ship with all my fandom heart. It's bittersweet sometimes, seeing the usernames that left with Tumblr's worst decision ever, the fellow fans who have moved on to other things, and yes, the hopes and dreams we had before Season 8.

Long blathering under the cut: musings about the persistence of anti-shippers and what queerbaiting actually means.

But occasionally what both amuses and frustrates me is how things line up because it's 2024 and we still have klantis/antis over on the former Twitter spreading the same lies about Shiro and Keith - about their ages, about how they met, about what their relationship is. Right now over there, arguing is happening again because someone put up a clout-chasing poll about which mlm ship was the most influential and included KL but not Sheith (KL beat Johnlock and then lost to Hualian, so I'm happy twice over). Side note - I think if we take "influence" as a completely neutral term, then yeah, KL has been a huge negative influence on fandoms as it was one of the places that allowed puriteen attitudes and anti behavior to grow unchecked for so long. That helped turn some ship fandoms into cults, in which you had to believe with utter certainty that your ship would be canon or you weren't a "true" fan of the ship. That put more emphasis on opposing a rival ship through wank and harassment instead of focusing on the joy and fun of creating for the ship you supposedly love.

And that poll prodded someone to create a Google Form for soliciting answers as to what the biggest examples of queerbaiting are in media. And of course people are saying KL and Adam/Shiro, among other things that are not at all queerbait. These are examples of people guessing wrong and getting mad about it. Queerbait requires that the producers/writers/etc. say outright that a ship is going to happen and then it doesn't, without any influences from the powers above them making changes. Not received fan "wisdom". Not marketing doing things without consulting the producers.

And I just reblogged someone's ask in which they said they felt queerbaited by Sheith solely because of the "brother" line in "The Black Paladins". The answer is excellent and worth a ready if you haven't seen it on my blog already.

Breaking it down:

KL is not queerbait. KL was never planned as a potential ship and LM/JDS said so multiple times. They said it never occurred to them as a possibility and by the time KL's popularity took off they were too far along in the writing to try and go back and make changes, because animators need time to draw. LM flat-out said she was surprised that it became a thing. If the producers are telling you over and over in no uncertain terms that a ship had never been on the table and couldn't be added to the table now, that's not a case of queerbait. And they spoke of Lance's love interests as female every single time. JDS/LM never said anything that would lead fans into thinking KL was a possibility without the deliberate and willful misinterpreting of their words.

Adam/Shiro is not queerbait. Adam is a minor character in a series with a large cast. He has two functions: to be evidence of Shiro's status as a queer man and to be a "face" for all the pilots that died in the first wave of Sendak's invasion. Some people try to claim that LM and JDS queerbaited with their answers at SDCC 2018, but they're wrong. The only thing LM said was that we would see more of Adam in S7. And we did. She did not promise we'd see more of him with Shiro. That was people inserting what they wanted to hear, just like them trying to elevate Adam's status to a fiancé when again, LM clearly stated that they were serious and considering getting engaged. Not engaged. Not married. Just a couple that was serious about each other but broke up.

I don't consider Sheith to be true queerbait. It might fall under the cryptoqueer situation explained at the end of the post linked above, but JDS and LM were mostly very careful to talk of Sheith in terms of deep friendship and devotion to one another, after the initial wave of support for fan content during S1, prior to the klanti movement taking off. The only thing that skirts the line for me is a quote, I think from JDS, saying that if Shiro had a new love interest it would be someone he has known a long time. Or maybe that was about the romances in general being developed over seasons and not Shiro-specific - I would need to research. (Yet more proof that the endcard "wedding" was not planned since we didn't see the unnamed groom until S7 and they never interacted.) And that was said before studio execs started meddling and caused the trainwreck of S8.

I do think we were supposed to have an open ending for Sheith. Klantis like to point out a storyboard artist claiming that "no one wins" this ship war as evidence that KL was supposed to happen and got changed, but that statement applies if Sheith is left open-ended and Allurance happens, even without the endcards.

When I have a chance, I'll try and dig up the links for the various quotes I mention above. Thank you for reading if you made it this far!

[branwendaughterofllyr]

Do you have any other fic recs for your poison tree fans 🙏 it's dire out here

Anon, I KNOW. There are very few HoTD fics that I unabashedly like, and even fewer long form political ones.

But there’s some I can recommend.

I recently blitzed through Dragonskin by Missybee303 and it’s one of the few Aemond/OC fics I’ve actually really enjoyed. The premise seemed just a tad far fetched to me at the start but it completely earns it by the end. Jeyne, a farrier’s daughter and secret skinchanger in King’s Landing, encounters Aemond after Vhagar’s saddle breaks, and this changed the course of their lives and the Dance. The author clearly did their homework, and this is one of the few Dance fics that I’ve seen actually tackle the politics and emotions of the Dance based on the barebones F&B gives us, and it does it with grace and style. I loved loved loved the side characters the author built in (special shout out to Jeyne’s dad, Denys, who stole my heart and the show.) and how organically they meshed into canon. This the only long form Dance fic I can pretty unabashedly recommend, especially if you are interested in world building and wider ensembles. (It even avoids the over competent Aemond syndrome trap that so many show fics stumble into.) My one gripe is there is A Lot of smut, to the point that I was like “enough! Get back to the story!” But I know that will be a positive to many people, hahah. It’s almost done so you don’t have to worry about it being abandoned and it’s very long and satisfying.

I’m keeping an eye on Scorched Earth by 0Junebug0 which is a Rhaenyra’s daughter OC/Aemond fic. But wait!! Before you run away at this tired old premise, know that so far this has been primarily been a character study of the Team Black family dynamics, particularly how Rhaenyra would deal with a daughter and how being a Targaryen women is not all it’s cracked up to be. It’s only six (normal length) chapters at the moment but it updates frequently. As of the last chapter, Aemond has finally appeared on the scene, so I can’t speak to how the main pairing is going to play out, but I have high hopes. And the prose is genuinely very gorgeous and atmospheric, so if you are were drawn to “a poison tree” by the writing style, this might just hit the spot for you.

The oddball on this list is Salvation by Targresurgence, which is another Aemond/OC fic. Jeyne Hightower (wow, I really do believe in Jeyne supremacy in HoTD fics), the daughter of Ormund Hightower is sent to KL for Alicent to make her a match. Aemond decides that actually fuck all of that, his mom’s cousin deserves only the best (him) and shenanigans ensue. I like this fic, but it’s sometimes against my better judgement, but when it’s good, it’s good. I respect this fic primarily for the massive mommy issues it gives Aemond and Aegon II, and it’s attempts at worldbuilding that are a little hit or miss (but when it hits, it HITS). It also has one of my personal pet peeves in it, which is killing off Johanna or Elenda to make Jason or Borros into sexual threats to one of the female characters (why this is so popular, I do not know. Drives me bonkers) but that’s my nitpick. It IS a bit of a wonky fic in places, so fair warning on that, and prepare to suspend some disbelief. It is unfinished and hasn’t been updated in a little while, but it’s fanfic. Never give up hope.

If you are interested in more book canon and Alicent centric fics, I really like what we’ve gotten so far of The Heretical Education of Lady Alicent by @aifsaath. It’s part of a larger ongoing series, The Sky is Always Red Above Valyria, exploring various dynamics of book canon, with a heavy focus on Alicent, Aegon II, and Baela, but this one has to be my favourite. It’s also beautifully illustrated, so even though it’s only three chapters long at the moment, for sure check it out.

In the same breath, the joint work Our Father’s Clad in Red by @gwenllian-in-the-abbey and @aifsaath is a book canon Aegon II/Baela fic that explores the aftermath of the Dance and how House Targaryen is to rebuild in a world without dragons. If you like world building, psychological exploration, good prose, and gorgeous illustrations, this may just be the book canon fic for you.

A brief shoutout to signs amidst the starry mirth by xiaolongbaobei, because I know this one is very popular and gets recommended a lot (as it should). This is a fem!Aemond fic with very GRRM-esque writing and the most terrifying and well-thought out Daemon I think I’ve ever seen in a fic. I really love gender-bending fics that really think it through and this one just has a great prose style and is actually addressing the politics of the Dance.

Obligatory witchcraft in your lips by slaymond mention. This is Aemond/Sansa crack treated with deadly seriousness and somehow. It’s really really really good. Great writing style, on point characterization, I’m sure you’ve already seen this fic recommended somewhere.

…. I also kinda vibed with @charmtion’s Daemyra fics? I’m not a daemyra stan by any means, but I’ve loved charmtion since their Jonsa days, and I liked salt more than I thought I would. If you have an inkling of an inclination towards Daemyra as a pairing, check this out. They also have a Helaemond fic, thyme, if that’s more your speed. Charmtion has a very loose, vivid, dreamy style that I have just adored for ages, so I would not count these fics out at all.

And is it even an HoTD fic recommendation list without including the one and only See, What Happened Was… by the legendary @daylander1000? This Aemond/Rhaena fic asks the question “what if the Velaryons actually had plot and character relevance and also what if Aemond and Rhaena had the chance to be weird, slightly murderous children together?” One of my favorite depictions of Alicent and Criston to boot (especially since now Mine Was The Hand You Reached For by HaughtHightower appears to be deleted 😔). It’s not been updated in a while but the author is a very busy person and I’m very happy to let her take her time.

I’ve read a lot of HoTD fics by now and these are the ones that I’m like “other people should read these too actually.”

Oh! An addendum! If you are seriously looking for a long piece of fiction that deals with a succession crisis, you might want to read When Christ and His Saints Slept by Sharon Kay Penmen about the real history of the Anarchy, the civil war between Matilda and Stephen over the English crown that inspired the Dance of the Dragons in the first place. In this time of fandom drought, if you are a fan of “a poison tree,” you should seriously consider giving this book a read. It’s so good.

[esther-dot]

Any good Jonsa fic you discovered lately? Looking for a Sunday read 💘

It Comes and Goes (canon divergence 5k, WIP)

“Are you alright?” A voice breaks her melancholy, and she jumps, turns, but it is just a boy, maybe a year or two older than her, with curly black hair, and purple eyes.

“Yes” She says quickly, scrubbing at the tears at her eyes, embarrassed to be caught so unladylike, her cheeks going a bit pink, “I’m fine thank you” She says, notes his black clothes, he must be a man of the Watch, but no, he mustn’t have taken his vows yet, and yet she is fixated by his eyes, such a perfect purple she can’t help but look into them.

resuscitation (breathe me back to life) (s8 canon divergence, 2k)

Hot tears sting her face as the kiss turns salty. But Sansa presses closer still, nearly clawing her way into Jon’s space, as if she tries hard enough she can meld them together, one heartbeat becoming two.

Once upon a time there was a white wolf (written like an old school fairytale, 2k)

The raven said that the wolf's kiss had changed the wolf-dragon and that the red wolf had to give him a wolf's kiss every day so that he would remain a wolf. So they were very happy, because the red she-wolf wanted to kiss the white wolf again and again and the white wolf wanted to kiss the red she-wolf again and again. The grey she-wolf thought it was all very strange, but she was happy that the white wolf was a wolf again, and so she thought it was alright.

(anytime we get a grossed out Arya I giggle)

i wanna learn to love (but all my tears have been used up) (post canon, 6k, WIP)

It's only then, when she finally allows herself to think of the children, that he crosses her mind.

sailorshadzter has a new one! i'm fire and i'll keep your brittle heart warm (canon divergence, Jon is Sansa's sworn shield in KL, 18k, WIP)

Jade_Masquerade has a new post s8 fic featuring jealous Jon always loved a queen (23k, WIP)

If you were looking for modern AUs, I would recommend ganymede_elegy and kingsansa's works.

I have some more recs in this tag and here are my AO3 bookmarks to give you more options.

Happy reading, anon!

[maidragoste]

👾👾👾

I have feeling Aethan and Alyn are gonna to defend Aemond and fight their cousins(what a way to encounter your future wives😅) and apologize.

And if the king is gonna make Rhaena stays at KL reader is gonna use that to her advantage because rhaena is a baby:( and to stay close with Larys and Alicent

And when she will hear about Laenor's death and D&R's marriage :( -she's gonna collapse, her dragon will broke the chains and circle around the reed keep screeching and wailing in pain.

Imagine reader out of red keep in her nightgown crying and her dragon comes to her, trying to comfort her🥲

If you watched the last season of games of thrones, Drogon comforting Dany.

That event will spurr Aegon to fight for his claim, to avenge his aunt and to protect his family.

Aemond is gonna feel guilty :( he believes it's his fault until they said the opposite, what a child could have known; well Helaena..maybe... and she feels so guilty but sometimes her dreams are so confusing, hard to understand😭

That event will make Rhaena understand what type of man it's her father and she's gonna fear for her sister

"What if they take away Baela from me?"

TRAGEDYYYYYÝ

Hi anon, thanks for writing to me. I hope you're well

The twins will definitely come to Aemond's defense. I know Alyn and Baela are not going to want to get married after that.

Totally agree with you, Reader is going to use Rhaena to stay in King's Landing. She does not intend to leave her family.

I already have Reader's reaction to Laenor's death mapped out in my head and it's tragic. Every time I think about writing it I suffer because it is too much. I'll add the dragon part because it's actually a really good idea and the bond between dragon and rider is strong so it makes sense that Nightwing would suffer from feeling all of Reader's pain 😭😭

After Driftmark everything changes for Aegon and he begins to agree to claim the iron throne. He doesn't want to be king but he will be for his family because with Rhaenyra on the throne none of them are safe.

Aemond and Helaena feeling guilty breaks my heart. They are just children, they are not to blame 😭😭

RHAENA FEARING FOR BAELA. IT HURTS ME 😭😭 Reader promises that she will find a way to save Baela as well.

[writingsofwesteros]

Hi! Can you please write about how Rhaenyra's younger sis fled KL after catching Viserys and Alicent talking during the night after Aemma's passing. She leaves by herself because Rhaenyra is heir and can't just leave the castle. She goes to Dragonstone without even knowing Daemon was there so when the guards alerted him that there was a girl with a dragon on the field, he quickly took her in and made sure she was protected and happy.

AN:Hi, I hope you like it x

The sobs echoed in the silent corridors as you raced down them. The sadness engulfed you as the shock slowly moved from you. The idea of your father and supposed friend was enough to turn you sick. Gods, what would Rhaenyra think? Did she know? Those thoughts followed you into the landing area.

Thankfully, the guards were rotating and the quieter areas were left without them for a while. It was as if it was fated for you to leave. Those ideas only made you sadder as soft tears fell down your cheeks. The sorrow of losing your mother was soul crushing as you whimpered out to the darkness.

The soft roar of your dragon was your only comfort as the bright, sky blue girl of yours moved from the shadows. “Hello.” You whispered and for the first time in what seemed like eternity; you smiled. She huffed and moved her large head against your shoulder as if she could hear your heart breaking.

Your hand moved over her side and gently patted her. “Want to leave this place?” You whispered into her ear. She only huffed and you rolled your eyes with another giggle escaping you. For a moment you could pretend all was well as you gracefully moved onto your dragon’s back. 

The freedom that came with it was addictive as you guided her towards the opening. It wasn’t long before she got the message. With a roar, she glided into the sky and you could finally feel like you were breathing. You rested your head on her for a moment as she moved effortlessly through the sky.

You softly stroked her still as you took whatever comfort you could get at this moment in time. The tears were dry now as you tried to stay strong. Your mind wouldn’t stop torturing you with the images of your dead mother. Your dragon only flew higher and faster as you subtly guided her to Dragonstone. 

You would be safe there and alone. You needed to be alone, you thought to yourself.

~

“My Prince.” The guard rushed into the room that Daemon was settled in by the fire; a book on his lap. Those violet eyes of his flashed with annoyance for a moment before he locked onto the man. “Yes?” His annoyance was clear in his tone as he gracefully moved to stand. “A woman is here..with a dragon.” The guard babbled out with a gulp.

There were only two girls he knew with a dragon. “What colour is the dragon?” Daemon asked as he rushed out of the room. “Blue, my Prince.” The guard muttered and followed after Daemon as a soft smile came over his face. Y/N, he thought to himself. Confusion soon followed as he wondered why you were here.

He didn’t look at anyone else as he moved through the corridors and into the landing ground just outside. The sight of swords being pointed at his niece was enough to have him raging. “Put them down!” You softly gulped at the sound of your uncle’s voice as the head of your dragon moved to settle in front of you, protecting you.

“Daemon.” You whispered out with a bright smile coming over your face. Your mind and body relaxing instantly as you stepped to him. Your dragon huffed and moved to follow but you turned around. “Stay..he’s family.” You giggled out before throwing your arms around his neck and staying close.

His familiar scent washed over you and the tears in your eyes threatened to fall once more. “What’s wrong?” Daemon whispered into your ear as he subtly dismissed the guards still around them. His hold on you only tightened as his fingers moved through your locks in a comforting manner.

“She’s dead. My mother is dead.” You sobbed out whilst burrowing into his neck some more. You couldn’t hold it in any longer. “He butchered her.” You whimpered out and slowly moved from him. His hands gently took your own as he began to play with them. “What do you mean?” Daemon tried to calm you and speak clearer.

You hiccuped and ducked your head as you tried to collect your thoughts. “He chose the baby over her..and neither survived.” You babbled to him and Daemon’s heart broke at the sight of you. “Shh, you are safe here.” Daemon promised; his hands moving up and down your sides whilst gently moving to cup your face.

You truly believed him as he whispered those words to you. “Thank you.” You whimpered out and moved to lean away. You were becoming a mess, you thought to yourself and moved to wipe your eyes and tears away. “Do you think he’ll come looking for me?” You whispered up to him.

Daemon wasn’t sure. It was a possibility but he didn’t want you thinking about that right now. “How about we get you inside?” He hummed and placed an arm around your shoulder and kept you close. “Got to Caraxes.” You softly spoke to your dragon who huffed and if she could roll her eyes; you knew she would do so.

They were such siblings, you thought to yourself as a soft giggle escaped you. It had Daemon smiling as he heard the sound. “You must be hungry.” He hummed and linked arms with you as you both made your way back into Dragonstone. “Thank you.” You whispered up to him and relaxed against him.

“Of course.” Daemon hummed and pressed a soft kiss to the top of your head. There weren't many people Daemon liked, never mind loved. But his family was everything. You were everything to him. If he could save you from the politics of the capitol; he will. “You have your famous cakes?” You giggled out.

Daemon only shook his head; some things never changed, he thought to himself and he was glad of it. “I’m sure they can appear.” He hummed and opened the door for you. It was at that moment you were completely relaxed. The safety you felt was like nothing before as you followed your uncle.

“I’m glad I came here.” You began and rested your head on his shoulder. A soft yawn escaped you as he led you into the smaller room where the food and drink was being prepared. “Me too.” Daemon hummed; it was nice not to be so alone and to be surrounded by family; what could be better?

TAGLIST

@janelongxox

@severewobblerlightdragon 

@lettherebrelight 

@writerslove2403

@heartysworld

@opheliax98

@bshelley322 

@casualheartadorable 

@kittycatcait219 @lilyviolets

@multifndom @7minutes-tomidnight

@savage-aespa 

@kid-from-new-zealand @mypatrochilles

@thekayarlene 

@sandronebabyy 

@ivanna6026 

@bubblebuttwade

@rosesinmars

@believeinthefireflies95

[countrymusiclover]

61 - A Mikaelson Thanksgiving

Part 62

Gemini Runaway

Tag list ask to be added @icefrye19 @secretdreamlandmentality

Moving my head to the side of a pillow that I could feel underneath my head I moaned. Blinking my eyes open I saw someone staring at me that was a blurry figure until they spoke to me. "I was beginning to think that witch knocked the daylights out of you."

"Klaus…how do you know about that?" I asked shifting my body upright on the pillows.

He lifted his gaze upward to meet my tired eyes. “Freya told me that you two went to find Rebekah. But she lost the way to bring Kol back. That’s nothing we need to worry about now though.”

“Then what do we worry about exactly?” I questioned hugging my legs to my chest.

He moved his right hand forward placing his palm over my hand twirling my wedding ring. “You seem to have misunderstood my feelings towards Aurora. I’m here to try and change that. Cause I can’t take anymore time where you won’t talk to me.”

“Nik, I don’t want to hear this right now. If you want to be with your old flame then go. I remember the feeling when I thought I was never going to see you again. The terror and relief all mixed together and built up inside you. Where you just have to let it all snap-“

He covered my mouth with his hand shutting me up resting his forehead against mine. “Sssh my beautiful love. Aurora may be an old flame but she is nothing compared to you. She never brought out the light in me like you do.”

“Klaus, stop-“ He held a finger over my mouth making me actually listen to what he was saying.

“No Raelyn you need to hear me out even if for a second. You have given me everything I never thought was open to having. You are there to bring out the light in me that I thought was gone. You are my heart and soul. You are the part of me that is human.”

Drawing my head back I covered my mouth with my hands giggling through happy tears. “Klaus, okay. I believe you.”

“No I don’t think you do, Rae. It wouldn’t be enough to tell you how much you have changed me. Not in a century, not in a thousand years or even an eternity with you will ever be enough.” He intertwined both my hands with his bringing my left hand to kiss the palm. “Aurora, isn’t the woman sitting in front of me. Aurora, isn’t the woman I proposed to with her grandmother's ring. And Aurora, most certainly isn’t the amazing mother who gave me my extraordinary children. That was all you Raelyn Primrose Lane. It will only ever be you by my side for eternity.”

I moved forward, crashing my lips onto his wrapping my arms around his neck instantly. He moaned into the kiss running one hand into my hair and the other falling onto my back. He gently pushed me onto my back on the mattress breaking the kiss with us both panting. “I love you, Niklaus Mikaelson.”

“And I you, Raelyn Mikaelson.” He nuzzled his nose against mine planting a kiss there smiling the biggest smile I had ever seen. “Just for the future if you ever doubt who holds my heart just ask. And I will be sure to show you just how worthy you are to me.”

Someone came up the stairs knocking on the door before we could go back to having a heated make out session. “Niklaus, our guests are arriving.”

“Guests, what are you up to now?” I questioned when we both sat up and I noticed a light blue dress hanging in the closet with some tan flats for me.

He offered me his hand tugging me up to stand when he kissed the crown of my head vamping out of the room. “My brother and I are going to attempt to get Rebekah back home. I’ll meet you downstairs, Rae.”

Lucien noticed someone new walking in with a thing of flowers, sitting them on the table. “Ah, flowers for me. You shouldn't have.”

The man looked in my direction when I slowly came down the long staircase. “That's for the lady of the house. The well-mannered bring a gift when invited to dinner. I assume you brought nothing.

Lucien clicked his tongue. “Nothing but my deepest respect for you….Raelyn, you are such a sight.”

Klaus entered the room holding out his hand for me when I reached the bottom of the stairs. “Lovely. We're all getting along. Tristian, I would like to introduce you to my queen, Raelyn.”

“Hi Tristian, I would say it’s a pleasure but you have my sister in law so…” I sniped tilting my head to the side with a smirk.

He nodded, lowering his hand once we had shaken hands. “We are all here to protect the person who sired us. We don’t have to be friends with everyone.”

Everyone of us sat down at the large table covered with food. Sitting down by Nik I moved my gaze to his vampire. “It's a bit odd, isn't it, celebrating an American holiday?”

Elijah tapped his fingers together. “Well, you know, Lucien, I rather enjoy Thanksgiving... the turkey, the cranberry sauce, the lies, the deceit, the betrayal. Perhaps we should begin this evening's proceedings with a little confession, and do help yourselves.”

Aurora who had came in the compound moments ago scolded. “So this entire dinner is meant to be some boorish inquisition. How rude.”

Klaus waved his hand at her. “Nonsense, luv. My brother merely wishes to make certain we're all on the same page, so who would like to begin?”

Tristan responded. “Well, Lucien and I have always loathed each other. Had we arrived as allies with news of a bleak future, you would have doubted us. We sought to remove suspicion by maintaining appearances.”

Lucien raised his hands up. “The bottom line is, we came to protect you and ourselves. We have never wavered on this point.”

Picking up a piece of turkey I shifted my gaze back to Nik’s vampire. “Well, if one wanted to obtain a certain item in, say, a private collection but one was not invited to the home where said private collection was located, police investigation could come in very handy to remove these items as evidence.”

Elijah put the pieces together himself. “I take it that you are referring to the medallion.”

Tristan looked at his red headed sister. “I suppose it was my sister who shared that bit of information.”

Klaus leaned back in his chair. “Don't blame Aurora. You two are hardly conspiratorial geniuses.”

Lucien chuckled looking from Nik then over to me. “Funny story... it turns out all along that the medallion was in the hands of Nik's friend Camille the bartender-slash-therapist. Had to get her arrested in order to search her goodies, so to speak, but I would never allow any harm to come to her, knowing the great affection you have for her….especially that she is Raelyn’s friend.”

Biting down on my turkey leg I moved my gaze feeling someone glaring at me. Locating that it was Aurora I felt nervous until Nik placed a hand on my knee drawing my gaze away. “A medallion that could lock us away hardly seems like a wise strategy for those come to protect us. Hand it over. And release Rebekah.”

Lucien glanced to her across the table. “Uh, just a tick. Aurora has Rebekah, hmm?”

Aurora smiled, leaning her elbows on the table. “No reason why I shouldn't be trusted with my sire's safety.”

Lucien added. “Of course, unless you were to have one of your episodes.”

Tristan shrugged his shoulders. “Easy, Lucien. My sister sought leverage to protect herself. Who among us would do otherwise?”

Elijah ran a hand over his chin in thought. “Niklaus, would you politely remind me why we shouldn't just compel them all to give us what we want?”

“You know that is a great question, Elijah.” Rising to my feet I slammed my palms on the table glaring at the other vampires. “I think that we can go far from compulsion don’t you. Considering these two have taken my sister in law hostage in who knows where. Oh and thus one nearly broke up our marriage making me think that I wasn’t the one for him.” Pointing my index finger at Aurora and holding my gaze on her brother.

Tristan moved his gaze around the table explaining what we all already knew. “Our continued existence depends on the Mikaelsons. We've known that since Finn and Kol died. Unfortunately, so does every other vampire in the world. Given that the sire lines have declared war against one another, you can imagine how many young upstarts have come to the same conclusion... kill an Original, wipe out an entire line of rivals. Heavy burden, isn't it, the lives of thousands of sired vampires resting on your shoulders? In a perfect world, you'd allow us to seal you away forever, thus eliminating the threat.”

Klaus put his hands together on the table. “Fortunately, the world is far from perfect.”

“And we have grown to enjoy such company of some. So how about we put every vampire who is concerned for their life inside a tomb of their own.” I smirked, taking back my seat beside Klaus who was smirking with his eyes going golden in a second.

Elijah sighs, picking up a glass of wine. “With all the nauseating dinner theater we've endured throughout the centuries, these performances are, by far, the worst. Aurora, my sister…”

My husband interrupted him. “Aurora is quite aware of our desire to see Rebekah home, and I'm sure she'll do everything in her power to oblige.”

Footsteps came into the room where we all saw Freya enter the dining hall. “We're welcoming our enemies to the dinner table now? Convenient, given she's the one who has the answers I want.”

Aurora rolls her eyes getting to her feet. “Oh, for heaven's sake, now I have to deal with the long-lost sister? Nik, please spare me your family's rage and paranoia. It is exactly this kind of lunacy which led me to steal Rebekah in the first place.”

Freya snarled. “What did you do with her?”

Aurora whipped her head around from us and back to Freya not regretting what she was telling our group. “Oh, I'm sorry, luv, but this prophecy has you all acting as fools, and I've no intention of risking my life to foolishness. Now, I can't trust Rebekah with any of you, and I certainly can't trust the silly dear to endure on her own, so I decided to put her someplace safe. Imagine a spot where no harm could come to her, where, in fact, no one could possibly even track her down. Yes. Rest assured, Rebekah is perfectly fine... at the bottom of the ocean.”

Klaus and I shared the same glare at the girl. “You're bluffing. Tell me you're bluffing.”

Aurora clasped her hand together. “Oh, you should all be thanking me. Rebekah's never been safer. She has plenty of company down there. There's all the little crabs and octopus and…”

Klaus got to his feet about to kill her until Tristian put a blade to Freya’s throat. “Harm my sister, and I'll be forced to return the favor.”

Elijah grabbed him and vamped him into the wall way from her. Lucien responded holding his glass. “Oh, this all escalated very quickly.”

Klaus pointed his index finger at his vampire threatening him. “Shut up, Lucien, or I'll tear your tongue from your head!”

Lucien pointed his finger at him still holding his glass in the same hand. “Be careful with your threats, Nik. Anything should happen to me, I won't be able to protect your precious Cami.”

“Ok. That is the second time I've heard her name. Just who is this Cami?” Aurora raised her voice

Jumping up to my feet I vamped forward holding Aurora by her throat showing her my fangs. “She’s my friend and my godmother of my daughters. So you do your best to remember that once I snap your neck bitch!”

Freya raised her hand using her magic to snap her neck for me. “You have bigger problems.”

Klaus threw his hands away from his side once I let her limp body drop from my nails. “Freya!”

Elijah drags Tristian back to the table putting him in a chair. “Niklaus... Which of these two vulgar parasites would you first like to torture?”

Klaus put his hands on Lucien’s shoulders glancing over to me, then whispering in his ear. “Well, it's half a dozen of one and 6 of the other, isn't it? Why don't you take the stable boy? Tristan and I are long overdue a good catch-up. Oh, if anything happens to Camille…”

Elijah tilts his head to the side finishing his brother’s sentence. “Oh, I'm quite certain Lucien's aware, devastating error.”

“Oh oh oh. I’ll call the bitchy redhead along with Freya.” I raised my hand like I was answering a question in kindergarten with a smirk on my face when I dropped my gaze down to the neck snapped vampire girl. “I think it’s time I try my hand at revenge with my humanity on wouldn’t you say, Nik?”

He moved away from his vampire tucking hair behind my ear that had fallen still smirking the same grin like me. “Indeed my queen. I suggest starting small. The fingernails or tounge.” I smirked knowing what happened next would be fun.

Comments really appreciated ❤️

[jajanvm-imbi]

God I was just reading about the Voltron fandom's problematic history cause there's just so much that happened and all I can say is DAMN that's just embarrassing.

I can literally not get over all the bullshit the fandom pulled as a result of shipping. It's absolutely humiliating to think about. I'm so glad I wasn't on Twitter during that time cause CHRIST what a disaster.

I loved that stupid show with all my heart and the ending breaks my heart every time I think about it but I sometimes think: did we even deserve a satisfying ending?

To think that people were threatening the lives of the showrunners/cast/crew members AND their families is mortifying

Someone tried to blackmail Dreamworks into making Klance canon???

Someone tried to feed the VLD cast glass cupcakes???

Klantis were harrasing a random woman on Twittwr named Karen Lance cause her username was @/Klance?????

I love Klance so fucking much, to this day its one of my favorite pairings of all time, but if Klance became canon or Allurance was actually properly developed throughout the course of the series Klantis would have RABID either way

I hate the ending as much as the next person, but to threaten the personal lives of the showrunners over an animated series meant for kids is just embarrassing

That isn't to say the actual queerbaiting is justified or excused in any way of course. Klance was absolutely used as bait and to think that the showrunners exploited Klance's popularity for ratings is absurd. Literally watching their cast and crew getting death threats online over a ship they were feeding into is ridiculous. Klance was being used as bait until season 6 with the KL themed thumbnails, merch, interviews, etc.... The showrunners ofc had a major role as to why the Klance fandom got so out of hand in the first place.

The point is

As much as I am still heartbroken over the shitty ending of the series, sometimes I think that even if we DID get a good ending, the whole experience would have been ruined anyway.

Being in the Voltron fandom was EXHAUSTING. Sure the toxic portion wasn't the majority (I was there, most people were pretty chill) but the part of the Voltron fandom that WAS toxic were def the loudest and it leaked into every other aspect of the fandom experience.

In a way, I'm glad it's over. I miss it, but the Voltron fandom deserved to die the way it did (some of us are still here lmao but you get the point)

Just wanted to put my thoughts into words lol <3

[midnightlie]

lance’s year of misfortune starts after an amazing night. he’s moving, so his apartment is littered with boxes and bags with obscure and inappropriate labels on them (thank you pidge). his sister brought over some drinks and they sipped on them as they packed up the kitchen and the last of what he called home. he’s moving closer to home, closer to work, but still another apartment. he won’t miss the street light outside his window, blaring in his eyes all night. he won't miss the sound of traffic in the morning or his neighbors yells echoing through the floor. honestly, he doesn’t know why he didn't move sooner. his sister takes off before the night gets too old, promising to return first thing with the trailer. lance, still feeling the buzz of alcohol, is about to climb into bed when he notices a shirt on the floor in front of the closet. maroon in color with a pocket on the front, not one of his. and it takes his mind a moment, just a moment, to remember. dark hair, steel eyes, and a name he hasn't uttered in a over a year. Keith, Keith, Keith. the shirt must’ve fallen from some hidden crevice in the closet. he can’t even remember the last time he’d spoken to the man (a lie he tells himself. he remembers very well, every word, every tear). the article is tossed back into the closet and with the door slammed shut, out of sight out of mind. or so he thinks. lance finds his mind in a whirlwind of thoughts that are determined to keep him from sleeping. how is he? is he the same? does he ever think of me too? he spends a while longer staring before he gives up, throws the covers off, grabs his phone off the pillow, and kicks the closet door open in a stumble. his sister will scold him for what he does next, will probably yell. in utter disbelief, he doesn’t know why he’s doing it either. lance, god-forbid, takes the two seconds to fold the shirt before snaping picture. he texts “hey, long time no talk. is this yours?” before even stopping to think about it. and my god he should have thought about it. because the response is almost immediate. he doesn't know what he was expecting to happen, reaching out to him all of sudden in this matter. but keith’s response makes his blood simmer, makes his jaw tight. “throw it away.” and so he does. the shirt gets thrown, not in the closet, but somewhere else. in a sudden rage, lance uses all the strength he can muster to throw that damn shirt. he goes to bed but sleep doesn't bless him. he dreams of black hair and a smile for the ages. he dreams of whispers of endearments in his ear, gentle and loving hands holding him. he wakes up to his sister shaking him and his pillow damp with tears. 🍓

I AM BROKEN HEARTED AND ON MY KNEES RIGHT NOW!!!!!! 😭😭😭😭😭😭 why did they break up!? do they get back together!? keith ur making my heart hurt so bad 😭😭😭 (i love u for sendinf this exactly the kind of kl pain i live on thank u so much)

[what-do-1000-swords-look-like]

HotD: 1x06-1x07 Thoughts

I enjoyed these episodes, more than I thought I would to be honest:

I admit, I was leery of the time jump and recasting but I have to say it worked out very well, the new cast is fantastic (and we got to keep Fabian) and it actually really fits where the story is at now I think (besides the time passage)

Alicent, Alicent, Alicent - wow, time has definitely changed her - that one scene with her and Criston walking really shows just how much bitterness (and jealousy) has taken root and been allowed to grow or maybe fester is a better word

Not gonna lie, I was happy for Aemond to get Vhagar (especially after all of the bullying) until what happened and I was reminded that Laena's daughter did not have a dragon either - not to mention, I don't think this will be a good thing for Rhaenyra's family, Otto seemed way too pleased with this development

Aemond in that fight scene and afterwards gave me strong Draco Malfoy vibes - can you imagine?

I kind of rolled my eyes at the Daemon/Rhaenyra scene but I have to say I felt way more comfortable with it happening now that she's a full on adult and she initiated things

My heart still breaks for Alicent and Rhaenyra, but as is reiterated by the show, who we saw in the first 5 episodes is not who they are now, they're no longer those versions of their characters (literally)

While I'm not a Daemyra fan, I am curious to see what will happen now that they married and just what kind of chaos Daemon will unleash against the Hightowers, and in KL when they return; I think that was a very smart move on Rhaenyra's part, no matter how I feel about Daemon; he's that guy if you're going to war, you want him on your side, because you just know he's going to be one hell of a formidable weapon/opponent, especially in the Game

Sorry, but to me, Aegon is such a waste, he's nothing but a spoiled brat and a bully (love the actor though!) - imho Aemond showed more guts and his ability to handle things/play the Game

Alicent is truly giving off some Cersei vibes in that scene where she demands justice for Aemond; I have never been so glad to see Daemon when he prevented Criston from reaching Alicent's side; I also love how no one was going along with what she said, I get it, her kid lost an eye but to say one of Rhaenyra's kids has to do the same...yeah, no; it seemed like everyone else, even Criston and Otto, were looking off to the side thinking 'right now she's being cray cray, I ain't getting caught up in that'

I am so relieved they didn't kill Laenor; had Rhaenyra really okayed that and the murder happened, I would have been so upset with her; I'm glad she let him go live his best life instead (though I feel sad for Rhaenys and Corlys, especially after they just lost Laena)

speaking of Laena, what a badass! I'm sad at what happened to her but I thought she was a remarkable character - one I don't think we got to see too much of unfortunately

Larys needs to go but then again he does make a good villain

I'm about to slap Criston silly if he so much as smirks at or about Rhaenyra one more time - I get why he's bitter but in no way does it excuse this douchebaggery

I'm glad Otto is back but I'm also wishing he wasn't back if that makes sense?

When do we get to see more Caraxes and Syrax action? I loved seeing Vhagar but I need more of the other two as well

Harwin Strong should be renamed Hot Second, because that's literally how long he was in the show though he fathered all three of Rhaenyra's children - I would have liked to see more interaction with Rhaenyra and him, even if for only one more episode

The Inside the Episode for 1x07 was amazing - I loved Emma's honest take on Daemyra (she's so right btw) and Matt's blunt take on Daemon - they really understood the assignment

Loved Miguel directing 1x07 - it showed imho

Should be interesting to see where we go from here. Daemon is now officially back in the Game for the IT, what he always wanted and how he wanted it be. And Alicent, Otto, and his grandsons are standing in Daemon's way.

Interesting indeed.

[breedaboyd]

Gimmie #3 with Klaber because god he is such an attention whore

(Gif by me!)

Prompt: "I'm not going to touch you unless you beg."

Pairing: Eli Klaber × Stephan Wolff (FTM!OC).

Word Count: 0.7k+

CW: Begging, dom/sub.

In the soft glow of daylight filtering through the window, Wolff is engrossed in the pages of his textbook. His brow furrows in concentration as he pores over the words, his finger occasionally tracing along the lines. The quiet hum of the room is filled with the rustling of paper and soft intakes of breath.

Klaber, on the other hand, is feeling increasingly needy. He paces the room, his steps restless, as he contemplates how to capture Wolff's attention without seeming too disruptive or bratty and invoking the medic's ire. With each passing moment, his frustration grows, a burning ache that demands acknowledgment.

In an attempt to break Wolff's focus, Klaber stands behind him, his hands gently sliding down Wolff's shoulders as he nuzzles his neck. His lips brush against the nape of the medic's neck, a soft and sensual touch that's meant to distract. The older man, however, remains steadfast in his reading, his concentration unbroken. He doesn't even look up, his eyes firmly anchored to the pages.

Undeterred, Klaber tries another tactic. He moves to kneel between Wolff's feet, his head resting on the medic's thighs. He presses light kisses along the fabric of his pants in an attempt to entice a response. But Wolff just continues to read, his fingers turning the pages languidly, as if Klaber's closeness has no effect on him. His resolve to stay focused is unwavering, despite the distractions. The blonde's frustration only intensifies, his need for Wolff's attention becoming unbearable. He lets out a sigh, his fingers lightly tracing along the medic's inseam, desperate for any sign that Wolff might give in. Yet, he reads on, seemingly impervious to his lover's efforts.

Klaber retreats and collapses on the bed, staring up at the ceiling and trying to think of different ways to get Wolff to touch him but none come to mind. The tension in the room has reached a breaking point. The younger man, his need for Wolff's touch growing more desperate by the second, can't stay quiet anymore. He lies on their bed, his chest heaving with unspoken desire.

"Why won't you touch me, Herr Doktor?" Klaber's voice trembles slightly with a mixture of need and confusion. "Have I done somethin' wrong?" Wolff finally looks up from his textbook as he glances over at the blonde. He remains silent for a moment, as if considering his response.

"Heel." Klaber, eager to obey, quickly complies. He positions himself between Wolff's legs, his eyes locked onto the medic's face. The air is charged with anticipation as he waits for Wolff's next words. Wolff leans forward, his fingers gently tilting Klaber's chin upward. His voice is low and filled with authority. "I'm not going to touch you unless you beg, Klaber." The blonde's heart races as he processes the words. He swallows hard, his desperation clear in his eyes, bright blue and full of need.

"Please, Herr Doktor. I need you, need your touch. I'm beggin' you to touch me." He grovels and Wolff's gaze darkens with desire as he watches Klaber plead. He leans in closer, his fingers tracing a delicate path along Klaber's jawline, the touch barely there and only stoking the need that burns in the pit of Klaber's stomach.

"Louder, Klaber. Let me hear how much you want it." He states, icy blue eyes lowered to regard the younger man. Klaber's voice trembles as he raises the volume, his desperation laid bare.

"Please, Herr Doktor. Touch me. I beg you. I need your hands on me. I—" He falters for a moment as he feels Wolff's leg shift between his legs, his shin barely brushing against Klaber's tenting pants. "I need— F-Fuck! Please, touch me, Herr Wolff! Do anythin'; pull my hair, choke me, spit in my Goddamn mouth but, please, do something!" Wolff watches Klaber closely, gauging the sincerity of his plea. Klaber's eyes are filled with longing, his need for Wolff's touch clear as day. Any longer and the blonde might actually cry. Finally, Wolff gives a slow nod of approval.

"That's better, Liebchen." His fingers move to cradle Klaber's face, his touch almost orgasmic. Wolff leans in, his lips meeting Klaber's in a chaste kiss that simply melts the younger man. When Wolff pulls away, he ruffles the younger man's hair, taking in his desperate visage. "Good dog."

[nurchantiqa-adifa]

to my son,

Things have been really difficult lately and we’ve both felt it. I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I’ve had to pick up odd jobs to pay bills and put food on the table, this isn’t fair for either of us. I’m sorry that we can’t go to KL or Hong Kong like your other friends do during the holidays Trust me, the guilt is real with that because you deserve it so much! I’m sorry I couldn’t surprise you with the toys you want every month, it’s still breaks my heart that it’s something I couldn’t do for you. But I’m trying. I’m trying so hard to be the parent you deserve.

If I could give you the world, I would. Twice.

What I am sorry for the most

I’m sorry I couldn’t give you the family you deserve. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think what your life would be like if I wasn't raped. You need that. As your mom, I can only teach you so much, but I sure try. I can teach you how to drive, how to shave, how to play ball, how to be a man, but that should’ve been your dad’s job. And I’m sorry. I’m sorry you’ve had to experience life without him. I’m sorry for not being able to give you the father you deserve. Even though it’s easier said than done, always remember, it’s not your loss, it’s his. You're such a sweet boy.

I am writing this as I watch you sleep and I can't help but notice what seems to be a void beside us. In the usual family with one child, there would be three, but for us it's just you and me.

Still I want you to know that regardless the number, a family simply means being with people who love and support you no matter what.

My journey as your only parent was never easy. I struggled from the day I told my mum about you, and I stumble once in a while even until now, but I am proud to tell you that for once I never felt that I was doing it alone.

I did not raise you alone. I want you to remember that we were surrounded by our loved ones, a family and a community of close friends who made sure I feel loved, safe and celebrated.

I am sorry for failing to ensure you living with a dad, but that doesn't mean you were neglected. Later on in life you will realize you have been taken care of by your granddad and uncles who acted as your father and even loved you as their own.

My son, we are far from perfect and we might never be the perfect family, moreover, I am not sure if or when we will be "complete" but what I am sure of is that you will always have me.

I love you, and on some days, that will be all that we ever need.

Love,

Mummy

[syazanalog]

Goodbye Twenty Twenty-Three

It is now less than four hours before midnight. 2023 feels so short to me. So many things happened throughout the year, and it's kinda overwhelming for me to recap everything in this post. My brain kinda sucks in remembering things too, I forgot what happened not even in Jan but Nov? Let me go through my Gcal hoping to find some clue on what happened throughout this year. Ok, I can't get any clue. LOL.

I'll just write down what happened based on my photo gallery, though I don't take many pictures this year. New goals - take a lot of pictures in 2024! and videos, too!

Here goes:

January 2023

Started my year reading Purification of the Heart by Hamza Yusuf (I must say 2023 was the year I read a lot, hope to bring this habit into 2024)

Went to Pokok KL - I think for the first time - with my brother & sister

Bought a lot of Oreo Matcha cookies from The Skinny Bakers

Strolled around KL area with my parents & brosis - went to Pasar Seni, Petaling Street, took LRT to SOGO.

February 2023

Signed up for Bondee because it was soooo cute. I think I only used it for one week tho lol

Tried D'Homecooked for the first time & I fall in love immediately <3 Their nasi kandar is sooo good but Taman Melawati is soooo far away

Made my first step to jog around MK area - end up it was the first and the last.

Went to Van Gogh exhibition in Pavilion Bukit Jalil with Eri and her friends. I was sooo fun!

March 2023

Went to The Powderuum color consultation - probably the highlight of my year. I love the sesh so so so much I wish I can relive the session haha it was that fun figuring out my own colors <3 Turned out I'm a bright/warm spring gurl

Went to Jaja's wedding

Went back home to celebrate Abah's birthday

Went to MATTA fair for the first time

Went to Watsons K-Festival at Sentul Depot

Had my first Ramadan in KL, again. Tried going to masjid (alone) for the first two nights of Ramadan but I don't think it's for me. I had the best Ramadan this year, I pray my 2024 Ramadan will be better. Can't wait for it!

April 2023

Not so much happened, but a lot happened - lol dunno how to explain this. I didn't do a lot of worldly things, I solely focused on spiritual things this Ramadan. Alhamdulillah, managed to wake up for tahajjud on most nights and Alhamdulillah managed to improve my tajweed too.

Celebrated Raya in Pasir Mas. Little did I know this was my last raya with my grandfather on my mum's side :( and we were there only for one day. But, Alhamdulillah we took a lot of pictures with arwah.

May 2023

Went back to KL.

Visited Islamic Art Museum with my sister

Fell in love with Emma's cats!!!!

Had a reunion with my KE girls!

Celebrated Raya with my colleagues

June 2023

Started June by going to Shaikha Haifa Younis' talk!

Celebrated Raya with my AAPlus sisters in Bukit Jelutong. I met so many beautiful souls!

Had my birthday brunch at Mukha, and later on had some dessert from Kenny Hills.

Mom and dad came to KL to pick up my sister for her sem break. We went around UM and took some photos.

Drove back with my sister to Perak, at night! Bcs her flight was late.

July 2023

Sent my sis back to Sarawak from Penang Airport

Visited Pantain Esen with my bro on the way back from Penang Airport

Had a brunch with Leeqs and Dils at YBR, Damansara.

Finally went back to office after so long - we had a meeting in Sbucks (I'm boycotting it now)

Had my first training (yes, I'm one of the trainers)

August 2023

Went to Al-Attas book's launch. Loveeee the event! Loveeee his talks. I wish I were more interested in his works earlier tho.

Had brunch at Ikea with mommy and went to shopping in Kedah for her retirement tudung.

Had a second training session, in Penang, to a large group of people! Couldn't make it to my mom's retirement because they changed the date same to my training date :(

Started looking for a new apartment because my sister was going to live with me.

Went to embroidery workshop for the first time!

Jogged in Taiping for the first time after so long! I miss the times when I lived with my parents.

September 2023

Traveled to Sabah with my whole department. We stayed in Rasa Ria Shang-Ri La! Alhamdulillah saw Sabah's sunset & Aki Nabalu <3

October 2023 (OMG SO MANY THINGS HAPPENED IN OCT)

Move out from AMK to IMK - this new apartment is more expensive but comfier and feels safer to live. Moving out was so tiring, and it's more tiring when your bank account is crying blood. Had to buy everything myself - fridge, washing machine, dinner table, bed, everything. Felt so burnt out from everything - work, life, financial.

Went to Al-Attas' talk for the second time. This time in UM. Previously in PWTC.

Started working with external client and I had to commute at least 2 hrs a day. I hate hate hate hate this arrangement so much. Sometimes I had to leave the client's office so late I only reach home at almost 10pm :( I truly hate this kind of arrangement.

Downloaded TikTok because I want to watch Emma's cats go on live lol

November 2023

Working on on-site arrangements continues. I hate it so much but I can't afford to quit now because I had so many commitments.

Met Jua before her wedding

Tried Moom Health <3

My grandfather passed away on 18 November. Went back to Kelantan with my sister.

Started to feel tired of everything.

December 2023

Had company's annual dinner, not fun. The feeling of burning out got intensified. I hated everything.

Mom and dad came to KL. We celebrated my mom's birthday at Chef Wan's. I felt better.

Went to Turkiye with my parents. Alhamdulillah I enjoyed the trip. Saw so many beautiful places in Turkiye. I felt better though my body is no longer as adventurous as I once was lol.

Went to Jua's wedding. Met Syasya after so looong!

Had covid for the first time

Went to Whimsigirl's puzzle session. I fall in love in puzzle again but they are SO expensive!

Went to KLCG before they closed.

Went to Oriental Kopi today.

Now that I look back at my year, there are so many first times that I did this year. Alhamdulillah for the ups, Alhamdulillah for the downs. Alhamdulillah for the healthy days, Alhamdulillah for the sick days. Alhamdulillah for the laughs and smiles, Alhamdulillah for the cries and sadnesses. Alhamdulillah for the love, Alhamdulillah for the heartbreaks. Alhamdulillah for the adventures, Alhamdulillah for the stillnesses. Alhamdulillah for every memory, for every breathe, for every heartbeat. Alhamdulillah for the lessons. Alhamdulillah for everything that happened. Alhamdulillah for everything that did not happen. Alhamdulillah.

[mnovenia]

Day 13 in Korea - 9 Aug 2023

Sampe ga cukup in one post n di reject Tumblr HAHAAH baiklah, aku lanjutin tteukpyorang day nya di day 13...

Dah kan pas masuk norabang dia yg ketik2, mau nyanyi lagu apa? Aku lgsg reflek: iltan Sung Si Kyung Neoye Modun Sungkan hahaha.. trus dia: he? ottoke ara? Trus mulailah kita nyanyi.. aku pake timelapse rekam, entah gmn GW jg ngerekam selama kita/aku nyanyi, mgkn krn lyricnya bagus x ya.. n im touched krn that means it's something he wants to memorize aswell :'''') I hope the video turn out well and you still rewatch it as I watch mine every now and then..

Trus gantian gwanghui yg pilih dan lagunya adalah: Kamsa by Kim Dong Ryul.. pas itu aku cm: he kok bisa out of byk lagu dia pilih yg aku tau/pernah dnger, tp aku jujur gatau artinya.. cm pas bagian akhir2 itu aku kok pgen rekam, akhirnya pas aku rewatch dia bner2 ky menghayati bgt gt, n i do hope itu ada expressi dari apa yg hari itu dia rasain.. krn dia bilang at the end: terima kasih (kamsaneun terimakasih... sambil salting n malu2 gt... dann lyricnya adalah sbb:

When the dazzling sunlight surrounds me again today, I'm grateful to you for being alive. My heart is lacking many things, but who knows that who it will be a help for you. Just for that, I am thankful to you. To no one else, I am mine I will love you without shame. Even for a moment, you are my person I'll love you, so you won't regret it. Now I know the reason why I'm born, it's to Meeting you and loving you till the end. It's my happiness that someone gave me. Wherever you are, you are my person I'll always be with you so you can't forget. I don't want anything else. To love each other just like now It's my happiness that someone can give me

Allahu, kok romantis bgt sm ky si lagu sung si kyung dimana aku bilang hidupku berubah sejak aku ketemu kamu, kadang aku cm bisa ngeliatin km aja krn gaada lagi yg lain yg bisa aku lakukan..

Trus kita nyanyi lumayan banyak lagu deh IU: neorang narang, Aloha (GH pilih), Saranghamnida Tim, Eungeupsil (GH pilih) dan trakhir Soju Hanchan hahaha wae ktnya kok sedih tau nuna.. ok sorry I regret..

Abis gt dia kan tambah2 terus uang cash krn kita lanjut nyanyi terus hahaha.. afterwards kita uda puas, GH blg noona ini majimak ya, trus kita kluar, aku foto2, trus blg skrg kita ngapain krn masih ada waktu. Aku blg ngopi yuk.. GH bilang tp aku mesti ke artbox dl krn mau beli card and mau yeppun nulis (gw pikir tuh dia punya hobi kaligrafi n mau cari alat2 mumpung di kota, or amu bliin soon membersnya or siapa pun, jujur uda curiga). Dia blg give me 5 mins, trus dia pilih ky paperbag bear gt trus kubilang (eh lucu amat? dia blg: lucu ya? tp aku pun ga brani tnya utk siapa, krn takut kl kenyataan mengatakan itu buat org lain yg aku gamau dnger hahaha). Trus aku liat2 aja d artbox, mahal2 gt, trus dia blg noona gamau bli apa? Engga.. trus dia bayar pake nametag Korea Uni Hospital dia..

Tapi trus seinget aku di perjalanan ini GH cerita kl dia udah ga in contact sm mamanya, dari dia kecil. Dan karena itu bahasa inggris dia gak bagus.. dia cerita i was growing up very poor, pas mama ninggalin itu aku bner2 gamau sekolah dan wonder kenapa aku ditinggalin.. Tapi nuna ku yg bilang dan usahakan aku supaya bisa terus sekolah dan maju terus (jagain papa yg kynya sempet sakit) dan jadi nurse yg sukses. Trus aku responnya cuma: oouuuu gwanghuiya ottoke (dg muka sgt sedih n melas ke dia).. my heart truly breaks hearing that.. Dia blg kencana noona, makanya aku sadar kl aku bisa lulus sekolah, highschool, uni dst itu semua karena kebaikan Tuhan :'''''''')

Abis gitu yuk cari kopi, noona mau kopi apa? Angel-in-us ada ga? HAHAHA dia ketawa, nunaneun jjinja yennal saramiya, wae angelinus.. hahahah.. trus gaada ni, mau sbucks? Aku blg gamau..trus d depan kita tuh ky ada coffee modern bagus gt gaada namanya, kubilang: kesini aja yuk gwanghui.. GH: aduh itu isinya changsaengeun saram semua.. ME: lah trus kenapa? udah ah yuk masuk aja, noona sajulke.. Abis gt kita pesen AA, plain croissant enak bgt, sm waffle w icecream deh kynya.. pokoknya aku inget itu enakkk banget, n krn GW agak sibuk ketik2 hp jadinya aku yg potong2in hehe.. I'll take care of you..

Kita sempet pindah tempat duduk gitu, disitu aku foto2in dia wkwk brasa pacar n ngedate banget pokoknya.. Trus entah gmn or kenapa kynya makannya susah jadi kita pindah meja.. Disitu kita ngobrol banyak gatau mulainya darimana,, Tentang rumah, apartment, dia bilang dia di Bali gmn n berapa bangun rumah, pokoknya nyambung ga nyambung lah gw jg bingung dia nangkep atau engga.. Tp trus aku tanya ntar kl km ke Bali trus quit job biayanya gmn? Dia bilang aku punya 1 apartment yg aku sewa2in, jadi sebenarnya dari situ aja sudah cukup untuk biaya hidupku di Bali.. Selama ini dia tinggal sama papanya di Seoul.. Trus juga tentang mobil bekas yg dia beli dr Hyung (suami noona nya), supaya hemat dan dia bisa cicil tanpa bunga.. Pokoknya dari situ pemikiran2ku langsung berubah tentang dia.. I have so much respect for him to have such well planned thoughts (on a very young age) i always thought he is like my brother of 92's so with that kind of thinking, I know that he has a plan for his life, he is a man of God with pure heart and always want to serve and help, he is a man of his words that I can rely on, he doesn't show off like many other Koreans with their lifestyle, therefore gimana gw gak baper -_-

Setelah terkagum2 berbagi cerita, pake google translate, gw cm inget gw bilang: Gwanghui, we (gereja Bali) need you, dan aku percaya Tuhan Allah yg akan rancangkan semuanya, matt 6:33, then he said: na do matt 6:33 chua.. so i think that's why itu jadi verse bersama kita.. Trus abis gt tuh Bella WA, dia blg dia lupa kl dinner kita dimajuin 1 jam, paniklah gw.. gw blg gwanghui gmn ini, kita harus buru2.. trus dia blg ok, give me 3 minutes, trus aku ke WC (sambil senyum2 tentunya seneng banget ky ngimpi). Trus pas balik ternyata DIA LAGI TULIS SURAT BUAT AKU :"""""""""""))) CRY.. pake bahasa Indonesia, makanya dia perlu waktu untuk nulis (lama, n kynya udah dipersiapkan kata2nya). Trus dia juga masukin Boneka Tiger Huirangi KU Uni & Kaos KU Medicine ke dalem cute paperbag yg tadi di beli di ART BOX huhuhuhuhuhuhu... terharu bangettt, kok kynya seumur hidup baru kali ini deh dikasih hadiah sama cowok, trus thoughtful banget n personal karena ktnya dia jenis menyerupai tiger or horangui, trus dia pose sama foto Instagram dia yg mirip banget gitu jg dg seragam Ganhosa nya + name card nya,CEKREKKK aku foto deh.. so cuteee, I will never forget how special you treated me gwanghui... Dia bilang aku pesen ini buru2 express and baru sampai rumahku persis tadi pagi (kurasa dia pun gak punya hahaha, tp rela beli merchandise tsb untuk aku). Now to think about it he was like: I gave up KU medicine hospital for you Noona (HAHAHAHA, marshella and her own made up world)..

Trus aku bilang, gwanghui aku gabawa apa2 gmn dong, aku punya hadiah utk kamu tp di hotel. Cuma kita harus buru2 kynya skrg aku lgsg berangkat ke Gangnam.. yuk kl gitu kita keluar.. Bella telp: ....? km dimana bla3, aku blg aku gak ngerti, km ngomong aja sm gwanghui ya biar dia nanti arahin aku..

Gwanghui: Ne, algesseumida sseonkyusanim (ky tentara), dlm hatiku mwuoyaa neonen, geu sarami nae chinguiya.. santai aja hahaha..

Trus off the phone dia blg: noona nanti naik subway aja aku barengin.. Kl gitu terakhir, ayo kita pergi photobox dulu ya.. dlm hati: haduh ni anak mau kemana lagi, kl aku yg sesungguhnya itu pasti uda panik krn telat dan bilang gausalah, tp entah kenapa hari itu aku menjadi orang lain and willing to spend more time with him (deg2ser cuy ngetiknya). Trus ternyata dia nemu tempat photobox Haru Film (yg kata Yoora filternya bagus). Dia ketik2 lagi pake coin, trus foto lah kita berduaan.. INI DATE GAK SIHHHH?? sungguh pgen tau apa pernah dia sama cewek2 lain bgitu juga.. tapi kok rasanya orang ky gwuanghui gak begitu.. Turns out photobox itu adalah kenangan yang paling memorable, most seen by me esp, part terindah dalam trip ku ke korea, juga looking back it's like I want to say to myself: charesseo selaya, good decision to stay and spend moretime for yourself (not others) pleasure and make time more for someone who is valueable for you..

Abis gitu kita ambil accessories, janjian aku yg GOM, GH juga matching, foto2, dia minta aku lepas bando jg, katawa2 n even bikin heart dong, NGAPAIN COBA SIH KITA hahahaa.. trus aku video in pas nunggu hasil, GH blg ngapain noona kan nanti ada video nya di barcode.. trus dia ambilin plastic, kasih 1 fotonya untuk aku.. of course aku taro di dompet., it's so precious.. I hope you still treassure our picture together too gwanghuiya..

Duh gamau cerita selanjutnya karena kita harus pisah huhuu sedihh..

[seemasubash]

Trigger and Zorro.

60 days.

That’s how long I hold my breathe every single time I meet a newborn puppy for the first time. Whether it’s been abandoned or if it’s one of our own, T-60 is the preliminary goal.

Everything could be fine for the first 45 days, then on day 46, everything changes. You recognise the symptoms. You smell it on them. You see it in their eyes. And you pray to God there’s still time left.

“Canine parvovirus is a highly contagious virus that can affect all dogs, but unvaccinated dogs and puppies younger than four months old are the most at risk.

Dogs that are ill from canine parvovirus infection are often said to have "parvo." The virus affects dogs' gastrointestinal tracts and is spread by direct dog-to-dog contact and contact with contaminated feces (stool), environments, or people. It is resistant to heat, cold, humidity, and drying, and can survive in the environment for long periods of time.

Some of the signs of parvovirus include lethargy; loss of appetite; abdominal pain and bloating; fever or low body temperature (hypothermia); vomiting; and severe, often bloody, diarrhea. Persistent vomiting and diarrhea can cause rapid dehydration, and damage to the intestines and immune system can cause septic shock.

Most deaths from parvovirus occur within 48 to 72 hours following the onset of clinical signs.

No specific drug is available that will kill the virus in infected dogs, and treatment is intended to support the dog's body systems until the dog's immune system can fight off the viral infection. Treatment should be started immediately and consists primarily of intensive care efforts to combat dehydration by replacing electrolyte, protein and fluid losses, controlling vomiting and diarrhea, and preventing secondary infections.

When a dog develops parvo, treatment can be very expensive, and the dog may die despite aggressive treatment. Early recognition and aggressive treatment are very important in successful outcomes. With proper treatment, survival rates can approach 90%.” - American Veterinarian Medical Association

Trigger and Zorro were born to one of our own. It was, as usual, LOVE at first sight. I loved my two boys. I did everything I could to make sure they were kept safe, clean and healthy. I was counting down to the day they would turn 60 days and get their first vaccination. I would be able to breathe a little easier then.

But one morning just short of that, I woke up to see Trigger and Zorro looking pale and disoriented. The smell of blood hit my nostrils almost immediately. “No, no, no this can’t be happening…no, no, no!!!”

We drove like demons to what was considered the best animal hospital in KL. The pups had parvo. A regular neighbourhood clinic wasn’t going to do. Only the best could save them.

Or so I thought. But that’s a story for another day.

A CPV test kit confirmed that Trigger and Zorro had parvo. I cried and hugged them both. I was devastated. Why would God to such a thing? I remember holding them and contemplating if I should I ever let them go. But then I remembered Flipside, who also at 2 months old tested positive for CPV but an early admission saved her life.

I thought, “I’m in the best hospital in the country. If anyone can save my pups it’s them.”

Or so I thought. Again, a story for another day.

3 days later, I received a call that Zorro had just passed on and Trigger the night before.

Even as I write this, I can feel my heart break again as the tears roll down my cheeks.

I remember every single puppy I’ve lost to that horrible virus. Sometimes, the pup would show the first signs of infection late into the night, and with no vet to rush them to, all I could do was hold them in my arms and tell them how much I love them. That I’m sorry God created such a painful way for a sweet, innocent puppy to die. Often, a sick puppy would be too weak to bark or whine, except during the final few minutes of its life when it feels its body breaking down inside and the pain becomes unbearable.

Parvo virus is so dangerous that sometimes the period of time from first symptom to death can be less than six hours.

Those few minutes my whole world falls apart. I start sobbing and saying how sorry I am that I couldn’t fix this. That I’m so sorry that I couldn’t find a way to make this pain go away. I tell my pup how much I love him, that I’m here, that he’s not alone.

“I’m so sorry my baby…”

I hold him and rock back and forth until I hear the final whine, before he exhales his last and his body goes limp in my arms. Then I find myself wailing. I find myself broken inside. And I find myself angry with God.

I’ve lost too many puppies to this virus to ever take their safety and health for granted. How many times can someone experience losing puppies this way before she loses her mind?

It is the most painful way for a puppy to die. How many times can I forgive myself for not doing what needed to be done because I didn’t want to embarrass myself or inconvenience anyone?

Seeing so much death has thickened my skin, which in a way is perhaps good, seeing that nowadays I do whatever I have to do to make sure the days of losing parvo puppies are behind me.

I cannot begin to stress how very important it is to keep puppies safe and ensure they get their vaccinations on time. A clean environment and lots of food is key to building a strong immune system.

I try my best not to share sad stories of the work we do, for these are the painful and heartbreaking parts no one sees or knows about, but when I do, I can only hope it educates and creates some sort of awareness about our puppies.

Trigger and Zorro are probably with Outkast, Sunny and the rest of the parvo puppies we’ve lost over the years. My one consolation is knowing that one day I’ll cuddle my two boys again.

I love and miss you my babies, Trigger and Zorro.

In Loving Memory.

- Seema Subash