#just did a couple of days on patho

[choicesficwriterscreations]

November Creator of the Month: Lizzybeth1986

Each month CFWC highlights one of our talented fanfic writers, and this month’s writer of the month is @lizzybeth1986 We hope you will enjoy learning more about them and their work below! The writer is selected at random. More info can be found on the navigation page.

Quick Links:

Tumblr Blog: Blog Masterlist

How do you want to be known on Tumblr?

Lizzy, absolutely 😁

*Center art by @sazanes

More below...

When did you start playing Choices? What was the first book you played?

I started playing mid 2017, I think. I played the flagship books (TF, TCaTF, MW), and def preferred TF at the time.

When and why did you join Choices fandom?

I joined the Tumblr fandom in 2017, around the time of the TRR finale. Mostly because the Liam hate at the time was intense and I wanted to write metas about why Liam was, in fact, not “a dick who betrayed the MC” 😂

I did have a Tumblr account before that (made it in 2015 to follow Bollywood film posts), but never actually used it.

How did you pick your blog name?

I was lazy af so it was my middle name plus my birth year haha

Pull up the first post in your archive, and tell us about it! 

I started out with a couple reblogs, but my first actual post was about the romance points mechanism in TRR1. There was a point in the middle of the book where one nice word to Drake would give you an automatic romance point, and I was like, “Huh??? Either treat him like shit or risk him catching feels for me? Is that how it is???”. Thankfully, that stopped after two chapters. After that, I did an essay series analyzing Liam’s actions in the finale called “The Crown, The King and The Flame.” Romance Points Post The Crown and the Flame

How long have you been writing fanfiction?

Almost 6 years now! I started doing Liam fics around the beginning of TRR2.

What is your favorite Choices book, and what is your favorite Choices book to write about?

I’m the most invested in TRR and PM, but between the two I’d probably say PM is my fave book overall. But yeah, my favourite book to write about would be TRR, because Liam, Hana and Kiara are such fantastic characters to write about! (Hayden and Sloane, too, but I’m still in the process of getting comfortable writing them).

Share the first fanfic you wrote with us. Do you still like it, or would you change it if you were writing it today?

It was Keychains, my two part fic series featuring my MC and Liam. It was set around the time the MC was waiting in the airport in TRR2, just before Maxwell and Bertrand intervene. It had a follow up with Liam’s PoV too.

I really like it. It included some really good hc’s I made at the time, like Esther buying an apple keychain to represent Cordonia at the same time, and Liam calling her his wife in Greek and Esther not realizing what the phrase meant. I thought the pathos and slight humour was quite well-done. I can’t think of much I would want to change in the story.

Keychains 1 Keychains 2

What is your favorite fic that you’ve written?

As a series – Eleanor’s Kitchen! It’s ongoing, and it’s a joy to write. I love exploring food from a cultural lens, and since Cordonia was a fictional country, I could explore a variety of ethnicities and food cultures. Liam had a literal diamond scene that explored gastrodiplomacy, and I wanted to explore his childhood and Eleanor’s friendships too.

Individually – I would say my Kiara fic “An Ear to the Ground”. Kiara is a delightful character and exploring the social season through her eyes was a real journey! I also love “The Stars (Are Out Tonight)” which explores the early days of the Sloane & Hayden friendship. I used asterisms and constellations to symbolize moments in their friendship.

Eleanor's Kitchen An Ear to the Ground The Stars (Are Out Tonight)

Do you have a fic that you didn’t expect to be well received, but it was? What about one you expected to be but found could use a little more love?

Cordonian Waltz was definitely a surprise in terms of reception!! It was written in the style of headcanons I was seeing at the time, and I wrote it in second person. It became my most widely-read fanfic very fast, and every once in a while it would experience a major surge in readership. I enjoyed writing it and thought it was a lovely, romantic piece, but I really wasn’t expecting it to finally have 250+ reblogs out of it, and people coming and telling me this was the fic that got them into Liam x MC in the first place. I find that deeply gratifying 😍

There’s a lot of fics that I feel need more engagement and appreciation, but I can understand that those characters also don’t exactly get much of an audience. My entire PM set comes under this category; they typically get low readership. I think my Hana and Kiara fics too could do with more of an audience.

@twinkleallnight once told me that when she reads my stuff, she usually takes a long time just to ruminate on the story, and I like to believe that often, that’s why the engagement isn’t always immediate. Which I like too!! I like that some of my stuff can make people stop and think, and I like to believe that over time, the work will have its own impact.

Cordonian Waltz PM Set

If you could write only angst, fluff, or smut for the rest of your writing life, which would it be and why?

Probably fluff but with a lot of observation and sometimes somber reflections. I’m not that great with angst…and I’ve never actually tried smut? But maybe one day 😄

Do you ever recognize yourself in any of your MCs or in your writing?

Yes! Some of my MCs are v different from me but I always incorporate something from my life experiences in them. Like Esther taking photos of the sunset or Basil not being science oriented but still having an interest in space.

Character wise I find I put a lot of myself into a lot of the characters I write. Notably, Liam, Hana, Kiara, certain Haydens and Sloane. Liam’s love for learning, different aspects of Hana and Kiara’s experiences as queer women, Sloane’s experiences as a neurodivergent woman, and especially my Scholar!Hayden’s (Iris) observations. I tend to incorporate a lot of my feelings and experiences more into certain canonical characters than in MCs.

What element of writing do you struggle with most?

Dialogue, I think. Especially when it’s a character I don’t relate to that much. But also sometimes when it’s a character I love but am only starting to write because then I really overthink it!

Do you have any neglected work you really want to finish?

Hmm…probably neglected wouldn’t be the word I’d use…I just take a very long time to kickstart them 😂

But yeah, definitely my Petals and Thornes series? That’s the fic series I’m doing for Hana x Kiara, that is supposed to explore TRR2 and 3 from their PoV (with significant changes). So far I’ve only been able to do some one-shots and hcs in that universe, but I do want to start the actual series soon!

I have some essay series’ I’d love to work on too! My Hana essay series which has two essays left, The Hayden Young Project, and a possible series on the alternative Lis of TRR!

Petals and Thornes Hana Lee: A Study in Erasure

If someone you know in real life (who isn’t involved in fandoms) asked to read your work, would you let them? If yes, what would you recommend they read first?

Hmm. A few people have asked me, actually, and while I’m not fully opposed to showing them I’ll probably take some time before I do show my work. I’ll probably overthink how much will be understandable to a reader who doesn’t have the context of the source, and what they may not understand.

What to show them first? I’m not sure! Maybe the smaller ones first, like Cordonian Waltz. Or my RCD fic Snowstorms, because it doesn’t have more than 2-3 canon characters featuring and I do talk a little about being a closeted queer teen figuring out their sexuality through cinema, which is an overall relatable experience to some! Snowstorms

Are there any writers (published authors and/or fanfic writers) who influenced your writing?

In my early years I used to emulate Chitra Banerjee Divakaruni’s style. Much of her work that I read as a teen was pretty flowery, sometimes bordering on purple prose, and I really loved that style and tried to go that way. But now I think a variety of writers from different genres inform my writing. In terms of published authors, Jhumpa Lahiri, Helen Hoang, and non-fiction ones like Rukmini Pande, Ruby Hammad and Mikki Kendall.

In Choices fic, @callmetippytumbles for sure – a lot of the questions she was tackling with her MC in her Home series served as inspiration for some of the ideas I’ve been having in mind for Petals and Thornes. @thefirstcourtesan is a great writing buddy to have, too, and she has a knack for saying a lot in very few words! There’s also my amazing group of friends (shoutout to @cassiopeiacorvus, @thecapturedafrique, @mand-delemonde, and @beyonceswigs, as well as @twinkleallnight , @dcbbw @mariemarieohcontrary , @choicesfrog, @grapecaseschoices and @ohsnapitzlovehacker…the discussions are so good and leave some much to think about afterward 💖💖). All these discussions ALWAYS fuel my ideas and make me think out of the box.

I’ve also recently started writing polyamorous characters and relationships, and @angelasscribbles stories and resources have been such a great help in navigating that!

Home

@angelasscribbles Poly Resources

Which one of your stories would you most like to see as a movie/series?

Haha! I’ve not even started the proper series yet but I think Petals and Thornes? But besides that maybe Eleanor’s Kitchen may work as a series idk 😄

Do you write original fiction?

I do try! I’ve done a few short stories but before I started fanfic, I did a lot of spoken word poetry and that was fun.

What other hobbies do you have?

Reading, watching video essays, spending months on hyperfixations 😂 and a little cooking. My kid’s gotten into craft recently and has succeeded in taking me down that rabbit hole too haha.

I used to be into making fruit wines but have gotten inconsistent with that over the years.

What’s your favorite emoji?

Because I have a huuuge thing for nerds – this one: 🤓

BONUS – tell us anything you’d like (if you want to).

A story my mum often tells about how I got into writing, began with some good old-fashioned sibling rivalry. Apparently as a child I was notorious for writing things on the walls of our house. One day my older brother got a hardbound royal-blue covered notebook to write in, with gold lettering on the cover…and I got instantly jealous that I didn’t get one (I was 6 or 7 and already fond of telling stories). When I complained my mum made me a deal – she would get me the same notebook…IF I stopped writing on the walls and began writing in that instead 😂 It worked. My mother is a smart woman.

I love spoilers!! I will read the end of a novel I’m reading and then go back and read the rest. Sometimes I even read books all the way backwards lol.

I love romance, and my favorite tropes include second-chance romance and mutual pining while believing the other person will never love you back! Because, at heart, I’m a dramatic bitch.

[kiefbowl]

You are probably aware of this given your interest in the topic, but some other interesting things to look at for the fucked up fertility industry (and how they absolutely don't give a fuck about their patients/clients or the children they produce):

This piece from reveal specifically talks about how fertility clinics downplay something as basic and fundamental as the health risks of twins and triplets.

https://revealnews.org/podcast/misconceptions/

Sarah Zhang (excellent science writer) has written a lot (mostly for The Atlantic) about fertility ethics and legal issues. In this piece, she talks about a case where a clinic mix up led to a couple using the wrong samples to conceive, and that only coming to light years later, and the ensuing legal case

https://www.theatlantic.com/science/archive/2019/07/ivf-embryo-mix-up-parenthood/593725/

I think I've already seen you talk about The Retrievals, but good lord that's fucked up.

Yes I did listen to the The Retrievals!! I think last month or the month before. Really lays bare how medicine is not exempt from cultural beliefs, with the juxtaposition of real medical issues (pain from lack of anesthesia) and the constructed medical issue (you want to conceive a baby) - the patriarchal constructed idea taking precedence over real women's pain. Highly recommend any feminist listen to it.

It definitely should come to no surprise to any feminist that the for-profit fertility and adoption industries looooove to lie, much like any industry! It comes in the form of lobbying, creative marketing, and of course just straight up lying to your customers. The fertility industry and the plastic surgery industry in my mind are holding hands in this way, that recovery from any of these procedures is easy, no worries, like magic. And of course, the over reliance on detached clinical language when it suits them (like in ads to egg donors...a sort of "you aren't using them, who cares!") just to flip to over reliance on pathos when it suits them ("we understand your internal need to hold a baby in your arms, it's more powerful than science" sort of talk), when really neither the emotional nor physical repercussions should be taken lightly. It's easy to persuade a young 20 something who needs money that her genetic material totally has no emotional weight, dude. just like it's easy to rely on the magical thinking that already exists in the cultural conscience to persuade women that pregnancy is sort of a nebulous, a baby is just small and then it just gets big, who knows what goes on in there process, instead of a long set of very specific biological processes that require many of your resources. Like, it really is your blood and energy and hormones making this baby, not just your "womb" doing "magic".

One of the things I find alarming is if you search "risks of egg donation" is how the results from all sorts of different .coms and .orgs are all over the place, with few linked sources, and a general blase attitude of how there are few proven risks to date...but also the process requires you to give yourself hormonal injections every single day for minimum two weeks. I'm not saying you should start believing conspiracies and think "well definitely there are risks being ignored and hidden on purpose", I'm just saying it follows a pattern in women's health, where things are understudied and the more convenient narrative is believed over trying to get data. What do we actual know about injecting hormones every day for two weeks (at least) for the long term? I don't know!!! There doesn't seem to be any serious data anywhere. Could be low risk, could be high risk, who cares!!! Do it three or four or five times for $$$ and you can find out in 5 or 40 years, if you're even believed.

[vickyvicarious]

I've got thoughts about Lucy's final request, and how it is both somewhat of a burden and a weapon for Van Helsing.

Very shortly after she opened her eyes in all their softness, and putting out her poor, pale, thin hand, took Van Helsing's great brown one; drawing it to her, she kissed it. "My true friend," she said, in a faint voice, but with untellable pathos, "My true friend, and his! Oh, guard him, and give me peace!"

"I swear it!" he said solemnly, kneeling beside her and holding up his hand, as one who registers an oath. 

These are the last words Lucy spoke; her dying request. There are probably a couple of ways to interpret those words, depending on how much you think Lucy knows in this moment. But I think it's pretty obvious the meaning VH takes: protect Arthur from her, and stop her vampire-self to give her a peaceful death.

The reason this moment feels so significant to me, is because it is the moment that Van Helsing becomes a vampire hunter. He has been here in the capacity of a doctor treating an illness. But now there's no saving his patient - that's done. He could leave.

He's not going to... probably wouldn't have even without this promise, because he would have wanted to ensure no new vampires start terrorizing anyone else, but especially so with this promise. He now has a duty to kill Lucy's vampiric self. He's made an oath.

And she requested it of him alone. I think this adds another layer to him wanting to keep things hidden at first. Not just to avoid being seen as crazy, but now because he's trying to 'protect Arthur', both from vamp!Lucy and from the knowledge of vamp!Lucy (until it's too late).

This vow probably feels pretty isolating, especially in these early moments when everyone else believes things are all over and only Van Helsing knows what is about to begin. He feels responsible for whatever may happen, because he is the only one who knows and she asked him to stop it. If Lucy starts to prey upon people, that's on him now.

It makes me think of a certain line when he and Seward are looking at Lucy's lifelike corpse:

The Professor looked sternly grave. He had not loved her as I had, and there was no need for tears in his eyes. He said to me: "Remain till I return," and left the room. He came back with a handful of wild garlic from the box waiting in the hall, but which had not been opened, and placed the flowers amongst the others on and around the bed. Then he took from his neck, inside his collar, a little gold crucifix, and placed it over the mouth.

Van Helsing is looking down at her with dread and a sense of heavy duty, I think. This is a 'there's much to be done' moment for him, where he steels himself for action.

At the same time, he's immediately begun using this public conversation with Lucy as a sort of social key to unlock cooperation. When Seward protests what he sees as needlessly mutilating her corpse:

"Were you not amazed, nay horrified, when I would not let Arthur kiss his love—though she was dying—and snatched him away by all my strength? Yes! And yet you saw how she thanked me, with her so beautiful dying eyes, her voice, too, so weak, and she kiss my rough old hand and bless me? Yes! And did you not hear me swear promise to her, that so she closed her eyes grateful? Yes!"

...when he wants to ensure Arthur's cooperation to keep Lucy's diary...

"I want you to give me permission to read all Miss Lucy's papers and letters. Believe me, it is no idle curiosity. I have a motive of which, be sure, she would have approved."

That one is a less specific reference, but the entire preceding conversation revolves around what happened by Lucy's deathbed, so it's clear that VH isn't just saying 'she would've approved' out of nowhere.

I have a feeling more will pop up as needed in the future as well. This is just the very first day. But I thought it was interesting the dual purpose Lucy's final request serves.

[anonymousewrites]

Logos and Pathos Valentine's Day Special 2023

Spock x Empath! Reader

            “I’m sending a package of sweets from that one planet we visited. I think he’s really going to like the new types of fillings for chocolates they invented,” said Sulu to Chekov as he worked. It was an easy day for navigation, so he and Chekov were catching up.

            “Sending gifts to your husband?” asked Uhura. “What’s the occasion? Your anniversary is later in the year, I thought.”

            Sulu nodded. “It is, but it’s nearly Valentine’s Day on Yorktown Base.” He smiled with the silly look of someone absolutely in love. “And I want my husband to know I’m thinking of him.”

            “That’s sweet,” said (Y/N). “But what is Valentine’s Day?”

            “I assume a human holiday for couples,” surmised Spock.

            Uhura nodded and smiled. “Not everyone celebrates it, but it’s a day where couples get each other gifts to say that they appreciate each other.”

            “I would also give gifts to my friends since love can also be platonic,” said Chekov. He grinned. “We gave each other vodka in pink and red bottles in Russia!”

            (Y/N) chuckled. “That sounds fun. When is Valentine’s Day?”

            “Two solar days from now,” said Sulu.

            (Y/N) nodded. “Alright.” They glanced at Spock before purposefully keeping their gaze on Uhura, Sulu, and Chekov. “What type of gifts to people give each other on Valentine’s Day?”

            “Vodka,” said Chekov confidently.

            Uhura laughed. “Russians give vodka, apparently, but usually people give loved ones cards, sweets, flowers, or jewelry. The jewelry and flowers are typically just for couples, but cards and sweets are pretty common to give to friends, too.” She was hoping (Y/N) or Spock would get the hint and give each other something. She thought it would be a good bonding experience for them and help push them together. “You can also just give someone something you know they specifically would appreciate.”

            Sulu nodded. “And then couples go out to dinner or something to have a date together.”

            Uhura smiled. “Right.”

            Spock raised an eyebrow. “Fascinating.”

            “That’s a nice holiday,” said (Y/N). They smiled. “The feeling of love feels nice to me, too, as an empath, so I think I’d like this holiday.”

            Uhura frowned as they turned away. Neither seemed pushed to do anything. Fine. I’ll get the Captain and Dr. McCoy to help me, then.

l

            “Captain Kirk? Dr. McCoy?” asked Uhura, walking into Sickbay.

            “Yes, Lieutenant, is something the matter?” asked Kirk.

            Uhura spoke plainly. “We all want (Y/N) and Spock to get together, right?”

            Bones and Kirk were a little surprised but nodded. “Yeah, they’re little dance is getting annoying,” muttered Bones. “Plus (L/N) mellows Spock enough to be tolerable.”

            Kirk smiled. “They’re definitely good together. Why?”

            “Valentine’s Day is in two solar days,” explained Uhura. “Sulu, Chekov, and I explained the holiday to them, but neither seems like they’re going to do anything. I was thinking we could set them up on a little date?”

            Kirk grinned. “Lieutenant, I think that’s a great idea.”

            Bones smirked. “The hobgoblin is gonna love this.”

l

            “Spock? Did you get a call from Uhura to come down here as well?” asked (Y/N) curiously as they bumped into him outside a briefing room.

            Spock raised an eyebrow. “The Captain ordered me to meet him down here.”

            (Y/N) furrowed their brow. “That’s weird.”

            “Indeed,” agreed Spock.

            “Should we go in still?” asked (Y/N).

            “In order to figure out why they ‘tricked’ us, yes,” said Spock. He pressed a button and the door slid open.

            “Oh,” said (Y/N).

            The meeting room had little fairy lights strung up and some nice food on the table with classical music playing in the background. It was the perfect setting for a date aboard the ship.

            “I…I think they’re a little excited about Valentine’s Day,” said (Y/N), turning pink.

            “It appears so,” said Spock. “And we are—We are not a couple.” He stumbled slightly over his words because, of course, he wanted to be a couple. He was in love with (Y/N).

            “Right. We’re not,” said (Y/N), their voice similarly strained as they imagined the pleasant idea of dating Spock. They looked at Spock shyly. “But, uh, wouldn’t it be a waste to ignore their hard work?”

            Spock nodded. “Logically, we should still make use of this room, and I do not know a couple which could take our place.”

            “Me neither,” said (Y/N). “So I guess we should go on this, uh, date.”

            “Well, then, shall we?” Spock raised his elbow. “I believe it is polite to escort one’s ‘date’ to the table.” (Y/N) smiled and took it. Spock’s heart fluttered as the heat of their skin bled through his shirt.

            “Such a gentleman,” they teased as Spock escorted them to the table and they sat. “I suppose I’m lucky to have such a date.”

            “I as well,” said Spock.

            (Y/N)’s face turned bright red at the instantaneous reply from him. “I think dates are also supposed to compliment each other,” they said, slightly nervous. “And I know we’re not really dates, but Uhura said that friends can celebrate Valentine’s Day too, so don’t worry about this being weird or anything, I just—”

            “(Y/N),” said Spock, his voice steady and calming. “I will never judge you for your words.”

            “Right. Right, you wouldn’t.” (Y/N) cleared their throat. “I just wanted to say that I really value your friendship. You mean a lot to me, Spock. And I know you’re not one for emotions, but I just need you to know that I care about you. You’re my dearest friend.”

            Spock’s cheeks turned slightly green in a Vulcan blush at (Y/N)’s kind words. His control over his emotions was really being challenged by them. “I, too, value your company,” said Spock. “I have never had many friends, but I am glad that you are one of them. I am very glad.”

            (Y/N) smiled, their golden eyes gazing at him gently. “Thank you, Spock. That’s very kind.”

            Spock shook his head. “No, it is merely the truth.”

            “Even better, then,” said (Y/N). They cleared their throat in order to avoid the sweep of their own emotions. “Well, uh, would you like some wine? I think Kirk stole some of Scotty’s.”

            Spock nodded. “I will have a glass. It will not impair my faculties.”

            (Y/N) chuckled. “Alright, then.”

            And so (Y/N) and Spock enjoyed their first date together.

            As friends, of course. Only friends.

Taglist:

@a-ofzest

@grippleback-galaxy

@genderfluid-anime-goth

@groovy-lady

@im-making-an-effort

[kingdomoftyto]

It's taken 15 years, but it was worth the wait...

All right, I've put it off long enough (and had a very busy/distracting couple of weeks) so it's finally time for my review of TAAAM Act 2

For those who missed it, the second half of Turnabout: an Ace Attorney Musical dropped at the end of last month [here's a link to Act 1 for good measure], and to say I've been listening to it a lot since then would be a gross understatement. My partner and I have literally been greeting each other after work each day with, "Today's biggest earworm was [insert TAAAM song], how about you?" Even if I listen to any other music on my morning commute, by lunchtime I'll inevitably still catch myself mouthing the words to "Lotta Things" or "Tomorrow at Last" or whatever else.

What I'm getting at is that this is not just a cool piece of collaborative fanart. This is a legitimately fantastic musical. Period.

The music is wildly catchy, but remains cohesive with every other song. There are repeated leitmotifs and about a dozen reprises and incredibly satisfying references to music from the games (I was waiting for "Cornered" the entire time and was NOT disappointed when it finally showed up late in Act 2). It feels well-structured, like a real Broadway production. All of the songs from Act 1 that I would have considered the weakest--they now stand fully redeemed by their absolutely phenomenal reprises and callbacks in the second half. Every song in this musical, every line, is there for a reason.

And this careful planning serves to accentuate the stated primary goal of the entire musical: maintaining the character-driven narrative of the games and emphasizing the pathos of the story. On both counts, this team absolutely delivered.

Because not only is this a really cool musical, it's also a fantastic piece of collaborative Ace Attorney fanart. (See what I did there?) I know I already said it in my Act 1 post, but these folks understand these characters and what makes the story so memorable even 20 years later. The emotional beats, the character growth, the relationships between them all, are impeccable. Every character gets their time to shine, and in particular I want to praise their handling of Maya and Gumshoe, who feel like fully realized people and each go through their own personal arcs throughout the course of the story that are just as satisfying and heartwarming as Phoenix's own.

And that's a good segue into the subject of what creative liberties the team DID take with the story, because there honestly aren't that many, but what they did change is so good. I replayed Turnabout Goodbyes a few nights ago and was surprised at how much dialogue in the musical is taken line-for-line, sometimes even verbatim, from the source material. But, aside from the changes you might expect from condensing an entire mystery game's worth of story into a few hours of runtime--such as simplifying the cases to require fewer clues to solve--they really only altered the plot in ways that gave more chances to develop the characters, and to create rewarding arcs for each and every one.

They added a whole damn scene of just Gumshoe and Maya having a heart-to-heart. It is easily one of my favorite scenes in the entire play. These writers drank their respecting-Dick-Gumshoe juice that morning, and that single scene gives a better emotional payoff to his loyalty to Miles than I think we ever got in canon, while remaining utterly in-character for everyone involved. Meanwhile, the scene doubles as one of many stepping stones* for Maya's own character arc (which is also much more focused and consistent than in canon, imo!), in which she struggles with her feelings of helplessness and inadequacy as she tries to live up to Mia's legacy.

(It goes without saying that this scene also serves the practical purpose of getting characters in place to further simplify the details of the case, as mentioned before, because the writing is unparalleled and I will keep emphasizing that as many times as it needs to be said.)

In truth, there are only two things I would qualify as "major" changes to the story (in that they're different from canon, not that they actually change the plot itself), and I'm hesitant to spoil them here because both of them are SO good and both of them hit me like a truck when they happened. One has to do with emotional depth getting added to a certain character's arc, and the other has to do with relationships between characters. (Maybe I'll add them as a self-reblog to this post because I still need to scream about them lol.)

In any case, I'm not kidding when I say that the musical's version of events, big changes and small, is so compelling to me that it has now superseded the canon version in my mind.** It manages to tell the exact same story while not only giving some of the "side" characters much more credit, but also tying the cases themselves together into a single narrative. The specter of Redd White and his chokehold on the justice system is present in the back half of the original game, but the musical tweaks things to really make you feel how all of these pieces fit together to direct the characters' actions and growth. It's just... ugh, so brilliant. [chef kiss]

I would be remiss if I didn't also take a moment to directly praise the performance of the actors. As obsessed as I am with the music itself, my single favorite moments in both Acts are actually short lines of spoken dialogue.*** The delivery just struck a chord in me and I still lose it a little every time I hear those parts. (And other parts, but. Shush.) Everyone did a great job, but the three leads (Ren, MJ, and Gavaroc, who played Phoenix, Maya, and Miles respectively) absolutely knocked it out of the park in both their sung and spoken performances. Is it weird to say I'm obsessed with how convincing the screams are in "600,000 Volts"? It is, a little? Okay, well. [cough] Regardless. The whole cast really knew what they were doing throughout this entire production; the emotion is extremely powerful when the moment calls for it**** and they elevate the dialogue--again, a lot of which is taken DIRECTLY from canon!--from something good to something amazing. The delivery of these lines has literally changed how I look at the first game, now. They're that good.

Quick shout-out to some of the other voices that have invaded my brain and instantly become my headcanon voices for the characters. Just off the top of my head: Larry, Payne, Sahwit, Redd, Grossberg, Lotta, Lana... seriously. This cast is absolutely star-studded. Even the ensemble freakin' killed it, absolutely transforming every song they were in. The soprano that hit that high note at the end of "Justice for All (Reprise)"????? MAGNIFICENT. GOOSEBUMPS EVERY TIME.

Good grief, this is already so long and I still have so much more I could say. This is why it's taken me so long to write all this out, by the way. This musical is transcendently good, both from a musical perspective and a fandom one, and I simply have not stopped rotating it around in my head since I first heard it.

It's NOT without flaws. Of course it's not. The sound quality on a handful of spoken lines is noticeably lower. The word choices in a few verses feel just slightly clumsy, or forced to fit the meter. The visuals for the Youtube release are a little goofy at times because of the limitations of the game assets used. The plot of the second act, even simplified, would probably be a little too dense to easily follow for someone unfamiliar with the source material.

But if there's anything to be learned from Ace Attorney, it's that perfection shouldn't be the most important goal. Sometimes a few rough edges are necessary to allow room for truth. And the truth is, in this case, a story. A story about a lawyer named Phoenix Wright, who loses a mentor, gains a best friend, and saves a man who'd lost himself.

It's a story worth hearing, and what better way than in song?

--

*- For the record, my favorite song in Act 1 was "I'll Be There", so among all the MANY times the end of Act 2 punched me directly in the heart, the moment that hits me the hardest is probably still the part of the finale that reprises it. That last stanza (I hope you know I'm glad we met...) makes me want to cry every single time. Maya Fey Protection Squad, indeed.....

**- Except for ONE thing at the very end, but that's a story for the self-reblog where I scream about the spoilery stuff LOL

***- My fav line in Act 1 is Miles' real-time epiphany that Redd White is a murderer. ("The only people in that office at that time were the victim and the- ...killer.") You can HEAR his eyes widen as he falters, and the choice to have that as his turning point in place of Turnabout Samurai is so brilliant in so many ways I can't even handle it. I love Miles Edgeworth so much. Anyway, THEN, my fav line in Act 2 is Phoenix's heartrendingly soft, "I've got you, Edgeworth. I've got you." It's so tender and yet so sure. It's Phoenix catching Miles as he falls, looking him directly in the eye, and telling him it's over, I won't let you suffer for one more day.

****- Another of my many favorite lines is Phoenix's "Did you DO it!?" underneath Miles' singing in "Alone". The desperation. The ANGUISH. During my replay of Turnabout Goodbyes I literally had to stop and take a second when the button prompt labeled "Did you do it?" popped up on my screen. That hurted.

[thelocal-idot]

Day 7 : Rei (x Reader) - Death: Double Suicide

Song: Vampire’s ∞ pathoS - Hitoshizuku & Yama

TW: Death, Suicide, Blood

Do not read if this causes feelings of anxiety and panic!

This also got really long 😭 but its not the best i can do :(

How did you ever come to love a man like him, a blood sucking monster who feasted on innocent humans. He lived a life if immortality, freedom, and wealth, free to do whatever he felt. But those pesky humans grew teeth, and started to lash out at the vampires who had drunk their blood for centuries. Truth was, he never really had a taste for blood, he found it gross and felt sick whenever he had too. You had known him for awhile now, out in Europe you had bumped into him at a cafe you frequented. You apologized and offered to buy him a coffee next time you two met. Neither of you knew what the other was, exchanging numbers so cluelessly.

He felt as if he had taken your kindness for granted, things would have better if he had declined your offer. You would be safe, not stuck within the clutches of vampires like him. Though your fate had been tied to his own long before he had even realized. You were a vampire hunter, you hunted down and killed these ‘mythical’ creatures. Had you known he was one of them, you would have never fallen in love with him, or so you thought.

A couple years had passed, after a couple coffees you had the guts to ask. But one day at work, you had received an order. You had found out on a mission, recognizing him on the file. How tragic and cruel the world could be to the lovers.

Meeting up underneath the moonlight at the park next to where you had first met, you gripped his cold hands. The look on his face was one knowing, you had found out the secret he so desperately wanted to keep. Burying your head into his chest, he wished he could find the words to comfort you. Looking up at him made him feel selfish for causing this and putting you into this situation. He knew there would only be one way to solve this..

The next night you had gone out, meeting him atop an old abandoned factory. With a stake made of silver in your hand and a final kiss, two lives would end tonight. Blood spilt from your human body, holding to each other as death came. Just as star-crossed lovers are doomed to end, so were you.

Immortality had always been his second greatest sin. Loving a human like you, gave warmth to his icy skin. He regretted everything, yet if he could he would do this all over again. Holding you close, you would were the final thing he could think as death consumed you both.

“My dear moonlight..”

“If only we had been human together…”

[oodlyenough]

I finished Oxenfree II after, I dunno, maybe four or five short sessions of play. I had intended to replay the first game beforehand, but ran out of time before release, lol.

Thoughts (spoilers for all of both games):

I enjoyed 2, but I can't say I enjoyed it nearly as much - if I had, it wouldn't have taken me a week and change to play through, I think.

The art was gorgeous as always, perhaps moreso. They made small QOL improvements that I appreciated hugely, like the map getting marked up, the task list, and ESPECIALLY the little icon telling me if the dialogue would continue when I walked to a new part of the map. The climbing was simple, but fun enough. I deeply appreciated the ability to change the font and text size of the speech bubbles, because I found the default hard to read on.

Some parts were spooky - loved the community centre turning sideways, etc, some good jump scares, the dreamscape stuff was cool. Loved the idea of the time bubbles you got to walk into, and how that was used in puzzles (albeit quite sparingly).

Some less positive stuff:

I liked Riley fine, and Jacob was ok, but that's about... all I felt. They both felt a bit like placeholder characters. I think there is just not as much immediate pathos generated by "two coworkers" as there was between Alex and Jonas, stepsiblings meeting for the first time who both have a lot of baggage.

I also think having a majority of the support NPCs be voices on the radio was a mistake. I enjoyed those conversations, but I had to be reminding myself to check in, and it all felt a bit remote. As Alex, I felt responsible for the whole group, even when I wanted to throw Ren or Jonas or Clarissa off a tower because they were infuriating me. There were different personalities, and also that meant there were different character dynamics to explore and combos you could play with in replays. The NPCs interacted with each other as well as Alex and the player had to manage all of it. Riley felt like she was the centre of a lot of single spoke relationships.

Also, while the parenting as a theme is fine, it's just... inherently going to be kind of remote to me, I guess, as a childless woman with no interest in being a mother. VS I felt the first game dealt with grief in a way I found more accessible, despite never having lost a sibling (or indeed having any siblings to lose, lol).

After the buildup with Parentage (and stories of burning people?!?!), I felt disappointed they were just a hippie uwu cult.

The Alex reveal was my fave, and my interest piqued once we knew she was involved. I see people are a bit mixed on her involvement but honestly I loved it, lol. The downside was introducing her meant I was like "ok, will there be a choice between saving Alex or saving Riley/Camena/etc?" and I knew I would choose Alex no question.

Not quite what happened! I was fairly satisfied with my ending, which was:

-befriend Jacob, but leave him behind (I was worried about Athena! lol)... it was a little unfortunate that Jacob and Riley felt a bit distant as a result, but I loved Riley and Alex getting alone time, so whatever. -leave Olivia to the ghosts

The problem with the sacrifice decision was I did not feel the game gave me any compelling reasons to save Olivia, outside of "Olivia is a teenager so you have a duty of care". Sure, in real life I think letting a depressed teenager go into the void with her ghost parents is a bad call -- but this is a story, and in this story, they have done nothing concrete to make me the player feel attached to Olivia, as compared to how I feel about Riley and Alex, two characters I've now spent hours with. Perhaps I'd have sacrificed Jacob if he was around, but... he wasn't, lol. And maybe not! Because I the player have reason to like Jacob, and no reason to like Olivia.

In the first couple scenes with Rex, I thought perhaps he was Riley's child who had died, and that the death was part of why Riley in present day was a mess and an alcoholic with minimal relationships etc. In retrospect, I think that could have been a very interesting device. The downside I suppose would be that there would then be no reason for Riley not to stay in the void with Rex, making the end dilemma moot.

Still, it was rewarding to see Alex and co leave the island. The game prompts you-as-Riley to be mad at her, but lmao, it's Alex, it's my girl, I don't care. I also thought it was sweet that they had Clarissa as the one who lingers for her. Aw.

Overall, I would give this maybe a 7/10... I don't regret buying or playing it, but I don't feel compelled to replay and try other routes. Oxenfree 1 on the other hand I've played probably 6-8 times and will continue to play again every year or so when it gets dark and cold and spooky outside.

[konboyblues]

In your opinion, what’s the best way for dc to go about an actual cheating storyline between Jay and Jon? Whether it’s with Nia or not

they would need to invest in him long-term for once 😂

i know i sound facetious, but when i think about the couples (and platonic friendships) in dc comics that have the strongest bonds are the ones that really did have a good chunk of storytelling dedicated to just their Beef as much as their love. and it's not supposed to be the terrible earth-shattering beef! there's got to be investment in pathos. maybe jon doesn't even cheat, just gets a kiss from someone he wasn't expecting it from, and jay sees it! or maybe jay and jon have to break up bc they have Very Real couple problems like problems scheduling dates and being intimate bc jon's superman and jay took a civilian job. or maybe they realize they're going two different ways in terms of ideology, and find jump-offs! cheating is just one aspect of the human condition. there's love, loss, being stupid, hurting people without meaning to, etc etc. i still very much love jayjon, but they don't have enough teeth and don't GET enough teeth these days. could just be an editorial issue unfortunately.

the reason i like the potential in a jon/nia fling is bc a) it tells me ppl are invested in jon outside of the tom taylor complex, b) it's ok to be a writer and ship characters, and c) drama is fun.

is everyone gonna like it? probably not, but we all know dc fandumb might be loud, but it certainly aint buyin enough 😂😂 i say take the leap, bc i would read the cheating arc just to laugh. i think it would be funny! jonjay 5ever, but give that superman more trauma and a hundred bad decisions and bathroom breakdowns. let jay chase him with a bat 🥺

[nianderful]

and now: a not-so-brief tangent on jaguar (2024) from an ivette velez stan

hello! it's been a while since i made a post like this but it's for a good reason! and i have a Lot to say so i'm putting it under a cut.

not a lot of people who follow me may know about this but i've been kind of losing it (/pos) over one of archie comics' latest oneshots— the jaguar, which came out about a couple of weeks back. it's a pretty great comic, and one that means a lot to me as someone who's actually been a fan of ivette velez/jaguar II for quite a long time. ask anyone who follows me on discord and they'll tell you; i can talk about this catgirl for hours.

while i find new crusaders to be pretty....alright, ivette's character was the only one that stuck with me. i related a lot to her shyness and fear, and found it wonderful to read about her overcoming her fears and rising up as a hero.

go ahead, girl. i am of the opinion that she carries this comic in terms of writing. (ian flynn had only 20% of his power, and it went into her) as for mighty crusaders 2017, i found it to be....Fine but hey! The Girl! Yay!

(i think 2017!ivette is cool...when i'm able to ignore the inconsistent lore. i'm a bit of a lore nut) so to sum up: i've been a fan of ivette velez for a long time. and i've pleaded with the comic gods for her to get her due for. well. a long time (again just ask my discord pals) so you can imagine how happy i was when the jaguar oneshot was announced last year. it was a very wonderful day. i was finally being fed after so long three and a half months later, here i am, and let me preface by saying: the jaguar is great. it's the comic i always dreamed of ivette getting. and i can't really go on without saying thank you to the creative team. you worked magic and i hope you know that.

i don't want this to be a super long post going through a play-by-play of this comic so i'm going to talk about what i came out liking the most: the meaning and pathos it gives to ivette as a character, and the jaguar name.

let me preface this by admitting something: as much as i adore ivette in new crusaders, i'm starting to realize/understand that her character's sort of....bare-bones. i love her dearly but it's kind of true. she's just shy and scared and little else until she's not. while she’s still the only new crusader to get something resembling an arc, a lot of it is “shy one stands up for herself”.

and, again, i love her for that! there aren't a lot of superhero characters i'm able to see myself in, because a lot of the time, shy girls don't become heroes.

but part of appreciating the jaguar meant accepting the reality that there wasn't much to her in new crusaders. and that makes me appreciate with the former comic did with her all the more

the first two pages of the oneshot do wonderfully with establishing her relationship with her heritage—she doesn't really have one.

(i can talk about how much i love tango's art all day, how it does a phenomenal job showing us not just how reserved ivette is, but how insecure she feels answering the question "are you from peru?")

this is so much more than what we got in new crusaders; instead of being Shy And Nothing More, she's shy...and someone who clearly has a bunch of baggage. and this isn't even getting into the pathos this story adds to the jaguar name. in new crusaders, it's simply ivette's hero identity. her powers come from the helmet of ai apaec, but there's nothing more than that.

but in the jaguar, ai apaec's helmet (and his entire existence) is tied to ivette's growth. and we learn as the comic goes on that the name 'jaguar' means more to her than a superhero moniker

one of the parts of this comic that struck me the most is the panel talking about one of the peruvian ruins ivette visits

this panel sticks with me because. there's a lot of parallels to ivette's backstory. the legend of a girl who lost her parents...

... and became a powerful jaguar.

it's pretty clear that ivette's got close ties to this legend, and that's before we learn where ai apaec factors in all this.

again, let's go back to new crusaders for a bit. in that comic, ai apaec's just a bloodthirsty god who looks down on ivette at first...

...and only gives her his powers when she tells him where to stick it.

(there's just a bit more to their dynamic than that actually but. not relevant)

in the jaguar, though, we learn pretty quickly that ai apaec was the god mentioned in the panel discussing the jaguar's lair...

and we're reminded that ivette is the girl in that legend. and also may be an reincarnation of ai apaec. the guy's not just the source of her powers; they're one in the same.

(these panels are so SICK man the art in this slaps so hard)

the dynamic between ai apaec and ivette just feels deeper than it is in new crusaders. he's instrumental in her growth and self-realization. his last bit of dialogue is....augh

(it's probably not a coincidence that ai apaec's appearance is more jaguar-esque than it is in new crusaders)

the main takeaway i got from all this: ivette velez Is the jaguar, and not just because that's her hero name.

all of this comes together in the final page of the comic, where ivette is able to answer the question "are you from peru?" with certainty—and in spanish no less.

honestly, this is just part of the package. i haven't even gotten into the writing or the villain (and i'm not telling. read the comic you yahoos) and again i could gush about the art all day.

but this is the number one thing i appreciate about the jaguar. it takes a character who was pretty two-dimensional in her debut and adds meaning, depth, and emotion to her character. she's so much more than who she was, and while i love both iterations, i can't deny that.

to end this little spiel: i made this post last year. and in said post i expressed my dream that ivette would get her own shadow of the batgirl.

and now i can say that wish has been granted in spades. (i mean. i would've loved a graphic novel but we can't have it all) i've said this once but i am so so thankful for that. i'm thankful that i can say that ivette velez is more than a character who's potential was wasted.

and to everyone who brought this comic to life: thank you from a fellow shy girl. and while i'm hopeful that the future is as bright as this, i'm also very grateful for what we've got. thank you.

[inkribbon796]

Egotober 2023 Day 6: Like Children Again

Summary: Every once in a while the Lost Ones need a night where they just hunker down in the living room and sleep there like a bunch of seven year olds.

Prompt: Pillow

Chapters: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31

They didn’t tend to do this a lot, not since they were much smaller, and much newer in the Manor. Tonight the living room of the Manor was covered in pillows and blankets, making a huge pillow fort area. The outer area you could mostly walk through, but the inner edges you had to crawl. Snacks were left for the kids around the edges of the fort to keep them from making too big of a mess.

Dark opened a random portal or two to check on them but mostly the seven Lost Ones were left to their own devices.

Yan leaned over to put her elbows on her eldest adopted brother’s pillow. “How's Florida?”

“Too hot,” Patton looked up at her as he was working on a cat-themed coloring book. “But I’ll get used to it. Appa’s place down there has good air conditioning.”

“I want to go, tell him I can go,” Yan pleaded.

A pillow came from the side and hit her off of Patton’s area. Arthur had his black notebook on his lap and leaned over. “Fat chance, I only just got him to let me go, and if you go he’ll be all over us.”

“C’mon,” Yan said as she tossed the pillow back at him.

The young author easily dodged and the pillow almost dislodged some of the blanket wall. Which Illinois had to hold up before enough of the weight could start dislodging and bringing down the fort.

“Hey,” Illinois called out before his magic set the curtain rod holding the partition up. “Quit roughhousing in here, go outside.”

Yan leaned over and pulled the blanket up to lean over Illinois’s shoulder where he, Bim, and Yancy were watching Army of Darkness.

“Hey, Ills.” Yan smiled.

“No,” Illinois said without looking at her.

She frowned. “I didn’t even ask. You’re so mean.”

“There’s no convincing Appa, you’d have to wait another year at least.” Illinois finally looked back at her. “Wait your turn like the rest of us had to.”

“No fair,” Yan said as she moved into their area to watch the movie. Illinois let her slide up next to him.

Arthur and Patton were left in the other area for a couple of minutes before a portal opened up next to them.

Dark’s ringing was dulled but still present. “Boys, if you would, a moment?”

The two adopted brothers looked at each other before crawling through the portal and jumping down to stand in Dark’s office.

“Perfect,” Dark said as he pulled a small, thin wooden box out of a different portal. “I’ll make this quick. Patton, during your stay, you’re in charge.”

“Figures.” Arthur was barely audible but Dark gave him a sharp look.

Dark’s expression turned more into a frown. “I need you two to be able to blend in. Remember, your future careers in the Network depend on how well you do. I need you to be able to pretend to be fully human and have covers. If you can’t, you’ll be pulled back into Egoton and we will discuss what to do from there.”

“We got this, Old Man, don’t worry,” Arthur said.

“That remains to be seen,” Dark said as he opened the case and his aura pulled out two silver pines. Each a gleaming star with deer antlers curled around it. The pins were moved to clip onto the inside of their sleeve where a cufflink would sit on a fancy dress shirt.

Dark closed the case with a sharp SNAP and used his aura to check their placement. His aura burrowing into the very metal itself. “There are many gangs in the area. Deceit of the Twin Serpents is one of them. These should mark you as my top enforcers and give you less trouble.”

“Awesome,” Arthur smiled, turning his sleeve over to study it.

“Remember that you are my enforcers, you do things my way. You represent me and therefore you have to obey my rules to the letter. You are Pathos and Author, not anything else.”

“Got it, boss,” Patton did a mock salute, a huge smile on his face.

Dark managed a proud smirk. “You two will make your father proud, I’m sure of it.”

After that he opened up another portal right to where they had been before in the fort. “You both start on Monday, you have the weekend to pack and I can send you anything else you need. Including a trip home with just a tap of the pin.”

“Won’t need it,” Arthur said as he climbed back into the fort.

Patton gave another big smile and climbed into the fort where there was minor jealousy from Bim and Yan.

None from Illinois, at least visibly, which was what the young author had wanted.

All in all it was a nice night, watching movies. Talking about boys, except for Kay who just wanted to talk about random animal facts.

They fell asleep watching a horror movie and Dark was there to wake them up at the respectable hour of ten in the morning.

Another successful night at the Doom-Warfstache household.

A/N: Huh, what's Patton doing here? Ehhh, I'm sure that's not important. :)

[gamerism]

Top 5 -> most influential fandoms from your life so far (I'm making you sound Old sorry, not my intention lol).

Those fandoms that make you go yeah, these impacted me in some way or maybe you just really enjoy(ed) being in!

I've enjoyed many fandoms so focusing on what's been influential in my life instead...

Hm ok i immediately know what number 1 is but i gotta Think about the others a bit lol.

5. Minecraft, i worked backwards from 1 and coming up with anything to put in 5 was hard tbh. This game did shape so much of my early experiences online, who I ended up watching on youtube for the next several years and was even the actual theme for this blog on day 1!

4. Pathologic, it's not on the same level as 3 and 2 but I have made a couple really good friends because of it and it was definitely the fandom that really got my creativity to bloom. I started making a lot of Stuff because of patho, and it made 2020-2021, a much better time to look back on for me.

3. (Who Killed) Markiplier, I cringe a little saying it but it was the first fandom I really started sharing my own creations for. I'd been writing fic excerpts for years but I sat down and finished fics and posted them online for the first time for WKM. As well as exploring making all sorts of other edits.

2. Detroit...Become...Human, even bigger oof there. I was only in the actual fandom for a couple weeks, a really short period of time, because I started to realise and become aware of the game's bigotry, ect ect (rant abt the game's racism removed for brevity). But in that short span I met some of the best friends I've ever made. So I kinda owe it that forever ya know?

1. Supernatural, it was the first fandom I truly Entered online and it kinda shaped how I interacted with fandom in general going forward. Add to that, that I was a kid in my formative years when I started watching...yeah.

These were not all enjoyable fandom experiences in the long run, but I feel they have changed me as a person.

Also RGG is an honourable mention, it's had a strong impact in a short time, but it simply hasn't been long enough for me to be able to look back and reflect on it yet.

[brasideios]

Get to Know a Blogger

I was tagged by @aeide @mini-uzzy and @ainulindaelynn. Thank you my friends! 🤍

Share your wallpaper:

Last song you listened to: Maybe Tomorrow by the Stereophonics. I recently rediscovered this song after probably ten years of forgetting. Filled with pathos.

Currently reading: I just finished First Love by Ivan Turgenev. I think I’ll read Crime and Punishment next (Dostoyevsky) or War and Peace (Tolstoy). They’re both sitting by the bed, demanding my attention in equal measure.

Last movie: 200 Cigarettes! I recently dug out a story I wrote back in ‘99, and vaguely recalled I was trying to emulate this film. So I wanted to watch it to see how I did, but it wasn’t on any of the five streaming services I have access to (password sharing ftw) so I’d given up on finding it only to discover yesterday that the whole movie is up on Youtube. Happiest moment of my life! (I did badly, btw, with the emulation. In my defence, I’d just left high school 😆).

Last show: Umm... Band of Brothers a couple weeks back, I guess. Rewatching for the tenth time.

Craving: Coffee, as always :)

What are wearing right now: Pyjamas and a dressing gown because *finally* it’s cold in the mornings. Love autumn.

How tall are you: Just shy of six foot. 

Piercings: Just my ears. 

Tattoos: I have four. A made-up symbol on my ankle I got when I was 18 - literally the day I was legally allowed to get it 😊 I’d planned it for a year beforehand. The word Bittersweet on my back (’all in life is bitterwseet’ as I wrote in a poem at the time) when I was 23; A series of astrological symbols on my left inner forearm which represent me, my fam, and the people who were closest to me at the time. Got that on my 30th birthday in London. And most recently, at 33, a lucky year for me when a lot of things ended and I took back my power (a long, long journey) I marked it with a tattoo - it’s on the inside of my right arm, a feather quill, and the words, ‘... I meant what I said.’ Love tattoos! Would have so many more if I was rich.

Glasses? Contacts? Glasses. My vision isn’t too bad, just need them for reading. Lil long sighted.

Last thing you ate: I haven’t yet today, it’s still too early. Last night’s dinner was pasta bake with chorizo.

Favourite colour: Green, though I really love any colour that’s bright and clear - I am currently going through a phase of bright purples and pinks.

Current obsession: Two of my OC’s and their relationship development (Arity and Jimmy). Maybe also the temple complex I’m building in Minecraft 😅 I spent all day yesterday working on it and I am thinking I might do the same today.

Any pets: Otto Von Krum the schnauzer (my baby boy); Tiki Taco the chihuahua (Daddy’s girl); and Lady Pablo, aka Tiny Bun, my rescued house rabbit.

Favourite fictional character: Favourite? Like, out of all of them?? I couldn’t possibly choose. 

The last place you travelled: Along the south coast of Western Australia, as far as Esperance. My favourite place we stopped, my favourite place in the world I think, is Denmark. It’s a beautiful town in amongst hills, with a wide green river flowing through it, surrounded by forests. It’s a different world. Oh, and it has the best pie-shop in the world too, which doesn’t hurt. [Meat pies, that is. Very Australian 😊]

I think everyone I would normally tag has been tagged! But just in case... @auroralykos @el-zorrito​ @cataliinaa​ and @theinkandthesea​ @dbraures​ @liminalspacecowboah​ @woodsman2b​

[onemistressandnomaster]

darcey and stacey and dove cameron

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about darcey and stacey--and dove cameron.

for anyone who doesn’t know (and that would probably be for the best), darcey and stacey silva are reality tv “stars” who currently have their own show on TLC. they had been trying to become store-brand kardashians for years. they filmed a pilot for a reality show called “the twin life” that was never picked up, founded a fashion brand, and languished in obscurity until darcey appeared on the first season of a 90 day fiance spin-off titled “90 day fiance: before the 90 days.” as the title would suggest, it was about couples who had not actually gone through with the k-1 visa process that would bring the foreign half to the united states. instead, it was about couples who were thinking about maybe possibly applying for a k-1 visa at some point in the future, with varying degrees of seriousness in their relationships. darcey was in a relationship with jesse, a dutch man 18 years her junior. she was one of the breakout stars of that show for her desperation to get married, her obvious plastic surgery, and her weepy histrionics. I believe in the second season we were fully introduced to her twin sister stacey, who was vaguely hinted at as being in a relationship with a younger foreigner as well. after darcey’s relationship with jesse ended in dramatic fashion, she stayed on the show with a new boyfriend, this one an english dude named tom who was only six years younger than her. the show also officially introduced stacey’s boyfriend and future husband, florian (who is 17 years younger than the twins). when TLC could no longer justify having darcey on a show about fiances without one of her own, they greenlit a spin-off aptly called “darcey and stacey” that would basically just continue their quest for (younger, european) love.

I’m not proud of watching reality shows. they are so often described as a “guilty pleasure,” and I think that phrase fits. I know how exploitative reality tv is, and yet, there is something satisfying about watching the people who agree to be on these shows because you can say to yourself, “I would never be this stupid. I would never act this way for so many people to see. things may be bad for me, but they could be worse!” when I watch anything from the ever-growing extended universe of the 90 day fiance franchise, I can feel that, while I may be working in a job that I hate, I could be coming across as the worst kind of crass american stereotype buffooning my way around a foreign country. but with “darcey and stacey” in particular, I feel this kind of mixture of superiority and pity on another level, because I think these two women exemplify so much of the problem with female socialization in this country.

the first thing that comes to mind while watching their show is the palpable desperation of the titular women--desperation to be famous, desperation to be sexy, desperation to be youthful and trendy and cool. all of the things which girls are taught from a young age to value. going on a reality show does not speak to a particularly healthy state of mind, particularly when the reality show is about dating. making something intimate and vulnerable into something public and exploitative is a fool’s errand. and to see how darcey in particular makes the same mistakes again and again, but constantly assures herself that this time it’ll be different, is pathetic. and I mean that in both the colloquial sense of it being cringeworthy and the older sense of it evoking pathos. I was struck by the irony in a recent episode where darcey was crying in her talking head about how she didn’t want to be like her mother. for context, her parents divorced when she and her sister were 11. her father, mike, remarried twice, to successively younger women, but neither of the marriages lasted. her mother, nancy, did not remarry at all, and presents as the polar opposite of her two daughters. nancy has aged naturally. she looks like a normal middle-aged woman. she wears bermuda shorts and puts her graying hair in a bun and doesn’t wear make-up. she doesn’t have a man in her life, but nothing about her behavior on the show (admittedly meager though it may be) suggests that she feels some kind of gnawing emptiness in her life. but to hear darcey talk, particularly in that talking head, her mother is deeply, agonizingly lonely, and darcey is terrified at the idea that she could end up, single and loveless, like her mother. except it really seems like darcey is just projecting. somehow, despite nancy’s seeming normality, darcey and her sister are obsessed with their looks. to the twins, being without a man beings being without value. for all their talk about empowered womanhood--and they bring it up constantly, almost to the point of parody--they are desperate for male approval. specifically, youthful male approval. it seems impossible for darcey to square the circle of her mother’s contentedness when darcey cannot handle being undesirable. and at the same time, her father’s singleness seems less upsetting to her; she did not weep in that talking head over his multiple failed marriages or his currently living as a bachelor. but to look at it from her logic, it is his right, I suppose, as the bestower of value not to see anyone worthy of that gift; but for nancy, a woman, to seemingly find value in her self, is a paradox that darcey’s mind can’t handle.

this talking head that struck me in such a particular way stemmed from a storyline on this newest season about darcey going to see a matchmaker. see, when this show started, darcey of course started dating another younger european guy--georgi, a bulgarian masseuse. that relationship spanned the first three seasons of the show, with darcey ultimately ending their engagement at the end of the third season. and this was a big to-do because she and stacey were supposed to have a big twin wedding extravaganza (even though stacey and florian had already gotten married during the height of the covid pandemic), and then darcey was no longer engaged, but stacey still wanted to go ahead with a big vow renewal for herself and florian. the twins, whether because it gives good drama or because it’s their genuine dynamic (or both), are constantly competing with each other, and the fact that stacey is married while darcey is not is a point of contention. if darcey cannot define herself as being identical to her sister because she’s not married, and if she cannot define herself as desirable to a man because she’s not married, then what is left to her? enter the matchmaker. but from the start, the matchmaking experiment was doomed to failure. the pictures darcey sent to the matchmaker were filtered within an inch of their life. it’s hard to build a dating profile when your pictures are so obviously edited. then, of course, darcey sought younger guys, even though the matchmaker pointed out that she had had no success so far with having a lasting relationship with a younger man. the matchmaker attempted to match darcey with someone around the same age (late 40s), only for the relationship to sputter after a couple of awkward dates during which darcey was constantly trying to signal her “sexy empowered womanhood.” it was as it became clear to darcey that this guy didn’t want anything to do with her that she gave that talking head about her mother. and funnily enough, if anything, she should be more worried about being like her father, given that they have both had multiple failed relationships with younger partners. but the real horror is her mother happily living alone. and even when the matchmaker pointed out that darcey, at 48, is acting immaturely and insincerely, that her shtick is at best tiresome and at worst pathetic, and that perhaps she needs to go to therapy, darcey refused to listen. and as a viewer, I could merely laugh at her. but I also want to reach through the screen and shake her, tell her, “you are a grown woman, not a teenage girl! grow up, develop some self-respect, stop worrying about what men think, get a vibrator, read a book! look to your mother as an example, not a warning” I feel like choice feminism and the conflation of empowerment with sexual desirability and all the other brain rot that gets funneled into girls from birth has dealt irrevocable damage to these women, and it continues to damage others as we speak. the brainless bimbo thing isn’t cool, nor is it feminist, nor is it fair. because the problem escalates to generalizing all or most women as being like this. the world tells girls to act this way out of one side of its mouth, then scorns them for being oversexed and overwrought out of the other. it’s a finger trap, and those caught in it need to realize it, for the sake of themselves and the sake of others.

and I have only touched on the plastic surgery addiction. I mean, the biggest storyline of the third season was their trip to turkey to get basically full body plastic surgery. they’ve already had so much plastic surgery as to make them virtually unrecognizable, and they still had to get more--to get “snatched,” as they termed it. and it looks horrible. they look swollen, stretched, strained. their breasts look both painful and comical as they swallow the entire torso. the filler in their cheeks and lips gives them a permanent duck face. they do not look beautiful. they almost do’t look human. and you don’t want to be that kind of person who springs to criticizing someone’s looks, but it is ludicrous to me to pretend like the way they look now is an improvement over the way they looked before all of the surgery. the emperor has no clothes. these over-the-top surgically modified faces and bodies look wrong, and our brains know that. and so often, what surgery has ruined, only surgery can fix. so sure, you may think that you are following the beauty trends by getting eye lifts and lip fillers and botox and breast implants. but when the insta baddie aesthetic goes out of style, and some other body type takes it place, what can you do but go under the knife again? and again for the next trend, and the next one? when do you realize that there isn’t a point to it anymore? when your nose has collapsed in on itself or you’ve lost feeling in your breasts? every effort to become more desirable only makes them more repellent. that they attract some men who are interested in their (father’s) money and reality show fame and the promise fo a woman who will do (almost) anything for love is not to their credit. to a well-adjusted person, they come across as grotesque--and given that they are on a channel that is like the modern equivalent of a freak show, whatever point they may think they’re proving to the “haters” is lost in the general disgust and ridicule they excite.

look, I know what it’s like to look in the mirror and hate what I see, and I suppose I’m lucky that some part of my brain recoils at the idea of, say, cutting into the flesh of my face, breaking my jaw, inserting some kind of plastic or filler, and then sewing it back up, even if I wish to god that I had been born with a stronger chin. I remember once lamenting the fact to my mother, who shared the same trait. really it’s a family trait from her side--round peasant face and weak chin. and she said that there were surgeries for that kind of thing, but that you couldn’t eat afterwards with some of them, because they might wire your jaw shut. and I think that idea horrified me so much because it reminded me of the pain I had felt with palate expanders and braces and wisdom tooth surgery. those, or at least the first two, had been cosmetic fixes to an extent. I got the orthodontics because I had a misalignment between my top and bottom teeth, and perhaps that would’ve caused a more serious problem down the line. the wisdom tooth surgery, though, had been necessary because I was in real pain as the wisdom teeth attempted to grow in. and afterwards, my jaw sore and tender, I had cried while trying to eat because it was agony and I was hungry. and to think that I would experience that again, except this time for reasons of sheer vanity. if I were only measuring success by marriage, then clearly weak chins had not stopped my mother or grandmother or great-grandmother or whoever else in my family from marrying. and then, too, I imagined the horror of it going wrong somehow, how much worse it would be to have disfigured yourself. and then, too, I imagined that even if it went well, what if I couldn’t recognize myself? my face was my face, the continuities obvious in the photos of my childhood. it was a face like other people in my family. it was the face I had been born with. in some ways, I think this is not a strictly healthy way for me to think either--god knows I have a tendency to hoard and a pathological aversion to change, but in this case, it’s a benefit. this is my face. this is my body. this is me. who would I be, if I changed all of that, if I threw that away when I could hardly bear to part with an old t-shirt? what worth was there in the face I had since birth?

which brings me to dove cameron. again, for anyone who doesn’t know, dove cameron is a disney tween star turned model/actress/singer/influencer. she’s best known for being the titular characters on the show “liv and maddie” (about twins, so it fits!) and one of the main characters in the “descendants” franchise. she also has a pretty clear case of severe body dysmorphia. if you google her, you’ll probably see stuff about the work she has had done, or you’ll be struck by the difference in pictures of her from a few years ago versus pictures of her now. apparently, even before she landed her roles on the disney channel, she was already getting plastic surgery to give her a more “hollywood” look. her mother actually wrote a book about how to turn your child into a “star,” with a heavy emphasis on achieving the most marketable look. so dove cameron probably went under the knife when she was a middle schooler--and then never stopped. most recently, she’s had buccal fat removal, which gives your cheeks a hollowed look. and there is something so annoying about people, especially women and girls, who will preface even the lightest criticism of her plastic surgery obsession with, “if this was her choice, I wouldn’t care! it’s her body, it’s her right, do it to make yourself feel good and sexy! if I had money, I’d do it too! but if you’re just following trends...” or “if you’re suffering from dysmorphia...” but what other reason is there for dove cameron’s plastic surgery if not to appear trendy, if not to fit the ever-shifting beauty standards, if not to make herself feel better by making herself feel consumable? what if “doing it for yourself” cannot be extricated from the wider culture in which you live? what was wrong with her face the way that it was, all the way back when she was a child? and then the counter is that everybody famous does it. well, isn’t it dystopic to think that every celebrity you see has had some kind of work, and every female celebrity especially must feel some kind of pressure to look beautiful? look at justine bateman, an actress who has recently had to defend her decision to...age. a natural process! and she has to defend a lack of action. I read internet comments that say they love the little enhancements a celebrity has gotten done, or they love the “face” they had when one plastic surgery trend was predominant. “oh, I wish kim kardashian would go back to her 2015 face, she never looked better.” am I crazy in feeling like we should only have one face? maybe I’m naive, but one face, untouched by an surgical attempts to enhance it, should be enough. imagine looking in the mirror and seeing the imprint of a surgeon staring back at you. or you see a thousand other people who have all gone under the same knife as you, and you have become like a car, only one in a line of identical models, value depreciating by the second. maybe in the end, the issue is that we think, because we may technically have the ability to “transcend” the material world, that we should as our right and our destiny. but I think an acceptance of both the possibilities of human ingenuity and the boundaries of human physicality would be more conducive to happiness. maybe the human body isn’t a problem to fix--certainly not if the idea of fixing it is just making it “sexier.”

[dujour13]

I'm late for the party so get the weird questions!

How about Aranka and Sia? Or if Siavash was in KM, he and Regongar (and Octavia if you dig)?

Thank you, these were both so fun 💕

Aranka

If you play a bard, the first thing she does when you meet in Daeran’s party house is invite you to a battle of the bards, a sort of mini Mendevision if you will. There are other hints about rivalry later on too, but in my headcanon she and Siavash get into a complicit groove right away. He’s there to help rescue the Desnans from Hulrun. She compliments his tenor. They bond over being annoyed by the Count.

She doesn’t have a big role in my fic, but I like her a lot. I imagine her as a gorgeous, dreamy, pouty-lipped blonde singer in a blue dress, a little bit à la David Lynch.

If Siavash was into girls he would probably be all over that. I love the dynamic in musician couples—a little bit of rivalry and a lot of pathos. Picture them drunk after a show and she throws a vase of flowers at him because he’s always trying to be in the spotlight and he’s wine-weepy and jealous over whoever gave her the flowers in the first place and it’s a mess. A beautiful mess though. They could make literal magic together. But like with Ramien it might burn itself out quickly just because they’re too much alike.

Regongar and Octavia

It would take no time at all for these two to proposition him I’m sure, and he would hesitate longer than he did with Daeran, but it would also be a no.

He and Octavia would absolutely get along but she’s not the one he’d be interested in anyway and Regongar is too violent and abrasive for his taste.

Having rescued them from slavery would go straight to Siavash’s head, but Regongar is not so much a lost puppy as an aggressive dog off his chain. Siavash might actually be a little bit afraid of him (and not in the sexy way). I imagine Reg would torment him like he does Tristian, though he’s tougher and can dish it out pretty well himself. There would be a lot of unresolved sexual tension, but most of all—

the pun battles would be TERRIBLE.

I mean, they would go on all day. Without remorse.

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

TW: sexual assault, death, I am still having a very bad couple of days

Thing I’ve learned about myself last night/today, for the first time: I genuinely think people who sexually assault teenagers deserve to die. I didn’t think that was true before. I thought, ever time I hear about someone doing something like that, that I wish lots of bad things on them, but not death. That’s going too far.

There is one person. On person, in my community, who is the worst person I know. He has horrifyingly abused a whole bunch of different people, all of them underage and especially vulnerable when he first gained control of them, and he fucked them up physically and psychologically in ways that last years and maybe a whole lifetime. Whenever anyone has ever tried to get in the way of this, he has ruthlessly attacked them, threatened every part of their life and livelihood, intimidated and manipulated and fucked with them in ways I couldn’t have even imagined until I saw him do it.

I have said, several times before, that I think I’d be happy if he died. I say this to illustrate how much worse he is even than all the other abusers I know, because I wouldn’t say that about them. Not literally. I hate them, I want them to face appropriate consequences, some should be in jail. I want them out of the community and away from other people. I want them to suffer. But if they died, I thought – if they literally died, I’d still feel at least a bit sad. Obviously. Because they’re people I know. When someone you know dies, you feel at least a bit bad about it no matter who they were. I don’t believe in the “never speak ill of the dead” thing, it doesn’t mean you pretend they were a great person. But you can say “This person was awful but they were still a person so I’m sorry they’re dead.” I thought that would be my reaction to the death of anyone I know except that one guy.

A guy I knew died a few weeks ago. I didn’t know him super well, but I was friendly with him at events and things, and I liked him. My initial reaction to his death was actually weird, because I thought I should feel sad but I actually didn’t feel much. I thought there was something wrong with me, that the pandemic had made me numb. It turns out it was just a delayed reaction. In the week after he died, I did end up feeling quite sad about it, in a way that I think one would expect for the unexpected death of a friendly acquaintance. I was actually relieved when those feelings started happening, because it meant I hadn’t gone completely cold. It just took a while to sink in, which is normal, with death.

I learned some new information about him yesterday, which puts that in a different light. I had, and still have, a lot of mixed emotions, like guilt for what I didn’t see right in front of me, regret for ways I could have helped if I had seen it, anger, so much blinding anger, disgust at all the times I was friendly and helpful to him, sorrow and pathos and empathy for a girl who waited so long for someone to figure out what was happening to her. But none of those emotions involve conflict about whether to be sad that he’s dead. I’m definitely not sad that he’s dead anymore.

And I didn’t think it would be like this. I thought that actual, literal death would be sad no matter who it happened to (except one guy, and that one guy is still alive). But no, I think he deserved to die. I think it’s good that he died. And I know a bunch of people, more than just that one guy, who have done as bad as or worse than him, and are still alive. So I guess this means I wouldn’t be sad if they died either.

That’s something I know about myself now. Some of my friends are feeling conflicted about it, struggling with the fact that what he did was terrible but it’s still sad that he died. I think I’m the only one who’s not struggling with that. It’s not the first time I’ve been different in that way – when our friend died last year, I asked some of my friends whether they’d found themselves thinking of all the people who deserved to die more than he did. I specifically mentioned our other friend, whom we’d cut out of our lives a while earlier because he’d tried to sleep with a teenager, and asked whether they wished he’d died instead. They all said no, thinking about that sort of thing was not part of their grieving process. Just me, then. Okay.

[inceledwardcullen]

thoughts on movies i’ve watched recently

banshees of inisherin - well, what a movie. absolutely gut wrenching, loved all the characters. colin farrell acted with his eyebrows, there’s a miniature donkey, it’s set during the troubles. i loved the dialogue in this film, it’s just good. plain good. however i feel like the ending wasn’t amazing and that kinda ruined the movie for me. it felt like it was missing something. it was such a strong movie, heavy on the pathos but the ending was lackluster. i personally wanted to see more blood but overall 9/10

m.a.s.h. -didn’t know it was movie before it was a show. not much to say other than they’re army doctors who appreciate vices a lot. the whole last act is a football game??? i tuned out then. a film that’s just dialogue and no plot so feel like i need another watch to listen to everyone’s conversations. however i really liked it and thought it was funny. loved the cast. 6.5/10

a hard days night - a beatles movie, ive never seen any of their movies and decided to watch this one. very silly, didn’t pay full attention. just an elaborate music video which i love 5/10

the menu - thought this was about cannibalism. severely disappointed. didn’t find it tooooo funny but was throughly enjoyable and hooked me in nearly immediately which is very hard to do. themes of consumerism, burnout, art. 6/10

the whale - fan fucking tastic. i went into the theater not too sure what i was going into but wow it was an experience. i don’t have much to say, it was super emotional. brendan ate his performance tf up. and i disagree with ppl saying it’s fatshaming and body horror, like did you even watch the movie. loved the religious underline of the movie. 9.5/10

bones and all - corny but enjoyable. loved timothees outfits but the two leads had no chemistry whatsoever and watching them interact in couple scenes was bad. but their casual interactions were fine. this was made for teenagers but i think there’s something to say about generational trauma, illness, addiction etc. also looking for love when you’re different 4/10

everything everywhere all at once - finally got a chance to see this after wanting too for so long. i am impressed. loved alpha joys outfits and makeup. the fight scenes are incredible, a simple message of loving the life you have, loving your daughter no matter what, daughters will do anything outta spite in different universes, falling in love again, cutting ties with what you think is right due to family influence since nothing fucking matters, appreciating your silly and kind man because it doesn’t get any better than that. and my boy ke huy quan left no crumbs. 8.5/10