forever going to be obsessed with them like taking things from each other’s mouth via kissing
chocolate?? whiskey? smoke? your weird boyfriend’s weird ass mascara goo??? like yeah
and its in that order too
also something about the idea of killer being like “its gross” and cross is like, snorting, wiping the hate from killer’s teeth and chin and leaning in to just kiss him clean and being like “yeah it is, you’re a fucking freak, i love it”
and like. killer is a murderer like brother cross has, and will continue to kiss the bloodlust into and out of killer every chance he gets, and bonus points if there’s actual blood between them
also. cross pecking their teeth together, staining his own teeth and then kissing killer’s cheeks n forehead and leaving black smudges behind 👍
I KNOWWWW GODDD christ dude. augh
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Rookie mistake is to believe your own character when they lie to your face.
That said, I don't think this is something that possibly could've happened as long as Roberts was still a part of the New Sequence. Her sense of self and identity were so tightly interwoven with her relationship to the Commodore, as his pseudo-son and the perfect Victorian officer following the Fall, that there was no way to extricate herself from that mindset. Even now, she thinks of herself with masculine language when thinking on that time and that relationship. No matter what happens, she was always his golden boy right up until his death. And only after she'd let go could she come to terms with who she is outside of that relationship, outside of her role in the navy.
I think the shift in her personality brought on by dawnburning may have also played a role in why this was buried so deeply. Dawnlight ego death had made Roberts more selfless, more focused on success of the group than any individual. She's had decades of practice at ignoring her own boundaries and own desires for the sake of the whole. Decades of habit she's still struggling to undo. What's one more voice? Especially when it's mumbling something she neither has the vocabulary nor experience to decipher. Easier to put on the uniform, the one she's expected to wear, because she has nothing else to put on.
Even now, she doesn't really have words for any of it. Roberts isn't entirely sure what she's doing. She's following impulse, trying to find what feels correct, what makes her happy. Her, and not anyone else. I'm not sure if she'd consider herself a woman at this point. She's deliberately not thinking about any of the implications, any of the conclusions, just what feels most right. And only time can tell where she'll go and what that journey will bring.
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some of you never grew up in a small conservative town as a (gay) nerd that was bullied, harassed, and excluded for years on end for not fitting in and for visibly and enthusiastically liking geek things—geek things that then branded you a satanist in everyone's eyes and as something Other, Lesser, and Undoubtedly Unworthy of Basic Human Decency even though you were literally just an actual child with harmless interests and not a satanist or an evil disgusting subhuman thing, and it shows.
you cannot apply modern views and beliefs to a show that is set in the eighties, especially not when it's set in conservative midwest eighties which is a whole other beast. being a socially awkward and nonconforming geek is something that people STILL get bullied for if you don't do it in a way that the majority deems "acceptable", especially if you live in a conservative, religious area.
your experiences are not universal and your inability to relate to a certain motif or story does not make it "lesser" or "bad writing."
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one another thing i'm supremely feral about when it comes to this crowman edgelord mcshadypants is that he legit can be so blindsided by people being legitimately heartless and uncaring
. . . allow me to explain— awnjgoha
yes, he himself is ruthless because the life he lives and the environment he lives in forces him to be. because he cannot risk having any softness or attachments that can be exploited because that's the thing !!!
everyone has a weakness
no matter how typically cold and detached you are, there's always at least one thing (and oftentimes one person) that is a . . . shall we say pressure point that can be used against you
and the most interesting thing to me is that kaz often uses people's families and other similar attachments as his leverage. he basically banks on the reality that "hey, this guy cares about his wife, so if she's threatened, he'll do what i ask" or "this woman's love for her children is stronger than anything in the world; she'd bend over backwards to protect them, so let's do something with that"
kaz himself grew up with a good family
he had a brother he adored
he had a great dad
he cannot fathom the dysfunctional families where a parent legitimately despises their kid or vice versa, so when he does come across that reality . . . ?
cough Wylan and Jan cough
it honestly always throws him off
similarly to coming across someone who has zero attachments or genuine affection for anyone else; it's wildly outlandish to him and honestly disturbing if he just cannot find anything to them
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having thoughts about my friend julio in the miracle job, who we know best as the guy with the gun in his waistband. <3
like, okay, the "even gangsters recognise the sanctity of catholic priests" thing is…… problematic. just nodding towards that because I think it needs to be nodded towards.
but I love how little ego julio brings to the scene once the secret (that one of his people took a side job without telling him, a job he emphatically disapproves of) is out there. hardison shoves the guilty party to reveal his injury and eliot glances to julio to see if he means trouble, but julio's attention is just entirely fixed on the guy. he politely asks for the gun back and uses it to get the answers that hardison and eliot need.
it's transactional, practical. respectful of eliot as someone who's shown he's not to be messed with, who's on julio's turf, but who's behaving with respect and restraint himself - eliot's there for entirely reasonable answers on one specific issue, uses violence only in reaction to and in proportion with the threats against him, and frankly de-escalates the situation pretty damn well by grabbing the gun in julio's jeans and knocking out the next guy who threatens him. (seriously, for violence-type criminals, it was practically diplomatic.)
and it's clear that julio's underling Broke The Rules. like, I'd have preferred we had this encounter with a different underlying message than "priests are inherently good and respecting them is the obvious choice," because oof. (this show is kinda about acknowledging when people in power all too often abuse that power, after all. that and seeking justice.)
but it's an interesting little unquestioned-by-the-narrative-or-the-characters nod to honour among thieves.
and this fairly formal, mutually respectful, almost ritualised encounter ends with "gentlemen, I'll leave you to your internal affairs" which:
very cool, nice job eliot
possibly discreetly requests that julio not start in on any punitive actions until eliot and hardison are away, so they're not privy to that specific crime (the last we see of julio he's crouching and pointing the gun at the guy very close, and eliot gets them out of there pretty quickly, so there could be some implications there, and it's a very understated moral messiness if so)
gets eliot a little nod from julio like "thanks for bringing this to my attention, I appreciate your civility here, not ceding my authority though" (and eliot doesn't ask him to.)
it's a great little interaction. it's a (sigh, mostly) great little scene.
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