#just kinda annoying and like. i feel like it assumes that half the world’s population can fit into 13 neat lil categories

[mochuelovelli]

Lilith for the character ask?

Oh boy, a controversial character! Gotta say, I stan James Charles /J

How do I feel about this character?:

On a real note, I do like Lilith as a character. When we first meet her, she's pompous and proud. Oozing with entitlement, she's easy to route against and you like to see her get worked up and "brought down" to Eda's level as the wild which so eloquently put it. Later on, but not too much later that it feels disingenuous, we really get to see her show that she cares for her sister. One might believe it is *Eda* being ridiculous, as far as the audience is aware, Lilith's offer holds little downsides. Eda would be cured and be afforded the luxuries of the upper class AND keep her magic. All she had to do was be the Emperor's soldier.

As to not get off track by talking about Eda, (im sure Lilith herself would loathe that lol) Lilith's reveal to have cursed her sister over a spot in the emperor's coven was...controversial to say the least. I don't think it's unpopular to voice that, yeah. It could've been communicated better to the audience since I saw plenty of commentators and regular fans themselves either thought Lilith cursing her sister was *needlessly* petty and not at all thought out (which yeah it kinda was).

From where I stand on that issue is, yeah, Lilith's whole reason to curse her sister could've been avoided by just talking to her sister and asking her to let her have this. BUT, I think a lot of people forget that the Emperor's coven would want to limit the number of powerful witches in their coven. Sure, Belos would want to be protected by a bunch of loyal soldiers, but he wouldn't want too much of the population to ever have a much power as him. So limiting the number of members in not just his coven but possible in the other major covens, would aid in controlling that population.

This might be pure hogwash but like, there are a ton of other "lesser" covens. So in my mind, it's more likely that the general population of witches gets sorted into one of the various miscellaneous. If you think limiting yourself to only practicing Illusion magic sucks, imagine only practicing whatever the fuck the "swag coven" does.

Lol gonna add a page break this shit is getting too long

Romantic Ships for this character?:

Hm, it's only s1 and we haven't seen her interact w/ many characters outside of her fam/Belos/actual children. I kinda jokingly ship here with Steve lol. Kikimora and her also have a funny dynamic but in all actuality, I don't ship her w/ anyone rn.

Non-Romantic Ships for this character?:

Her and Hooty lol. I mean Eda is an obvious answer but like, Hooty fucking with Lilith is too funny to not want to see. Her and King would be great too, probably get some good B plots out of it. It would be a good contrast since they both can be petty but in different ways and I think that would help flesh out their characters a bit more and maybe cause some introspection (at least on Lilith’s end lol)

Unpopular opinion about this character?:

Lol. I feel like she is such a divisive character in general that most opinions about her aren’t too out of the main stream. I guess a more meta take is that when she’s portrayed in fanworks, usually fanfic but not exclusively, very...one note lol. She’s usually a pretty flat, boring character in an attempt to highlight the contrast between her and Eda. She’s the straight-laced, “responsible” sibling who has a chip on her shoulder. In fanon, that equates to her characterization to either be like, completely and utterly apologetic to the point where it becomes unbelievable for any person to do. Her apologizing or making amends is usually quickly forgiven by Luz/and or Eda. Sure, Luz is very forgiving person naturally but like?? She’s wasn’t mad in canon too much about THEIR well being (almost getting impaled), she was specifically pissed about Lilith betraying Eda. 

So, if Lilith is a big part of your story (and it’s working in the realm of canon), then this should be a problem which doesn’t get resolved by just ONE big action. I also feel like her being on better terms with Eda would come BEFORE Luz since Eda’s main gripe with her would be about her being annoyed by Lilith’s controlling nature and the fact that she didn’t trust her enough to talk about her feelings back when she was first cursed (also her using Luz against her but I feel like that would probably be a hurdle that wouldn’t really be over come until Lilith in turn would be willing to sacrifice herself for Luz while also making an effort to care for Luz as a person not just see her as a “pet”). Hhhh this section is so long and its kinda bleeding over in the next question so-

Something I wish will happen or would have wanted to happen in canon?:

yall if you are still reading I am so sorry sksk

I want Lilith in general, not to be forgiven by either Luz or Eda. Eda probably early on stating about how she is unsure if she could EVER forgive her sister for what she has done. BUT, critically, Eda would see that Lilith is trying and she is willing to work with her (with a unhelpful dose of teasing) because at the end of the day she still loves her sister. For the relationship they had before everything with south, for knowing her side of the story even though she believes it doesn’t justify her actions. She understands and sympathizes, she’s grown a bit softer thanks to Luz, which is very funny since I want Luz to be the one who is the hardest to convince Lilith actually had a change of heart but more on that later. 

Before I move on to what I want her path towards forgiveness with Luz looks like, I want to bring up a parallel that I haven’t seen many people make. Fans always talk about the parallel between the Clawthornes and Luz/Amity, and rightly so because there is a lot to extrapolate there, but I think another interesting dynamic that might be interesting to see in s2 would be an episode that focuses on lost friendship/sisterhood with the Clawthornes and Amity and Willow. It’s kinda funny that Amity and Willow’s friendship was ruined because Willow was too “weak” while Eda was too “powerful”. In a potential episode, it can show the progression both Eda/Lilith and Willow/Amity are making in rekindling their relationship with each other. For Eda and Lilith this would be a lot more rough around the edges since it both be either the first or one of the first attempts at doing so while Willow/Amity would maybe be further along yet still have some major/minor hang ups with one another. With Willow/Amity, their relationship would either be rounding the bend of fully moving past the “idk how to feel about you stage” or it is stated outright that Willow forgives Amity, (and by forgive, I mean in the “we both know what you did, you’ve actually changed. we won’t have the same relationship that we once had but I’m okay with trying again”). In contrast, Lilith and Eda would reach a understanding and come up with some ground rules on how to handle each other (Eda’s main take away from this “episode” would be what I previously stated in the last question), ones that will be more like guidelines cuz its Eda lol. Also what separates the Clawthornes conflict from the Willow/Amity one (besides the obvious) is that the Clawthornes both know how the other works. Which buttons to push and all that so both of them are going to have to learn to resist doing that, at least a bit, in order to actually progress. 

ANYWAYS, I also want Luz to be the one to regard Lilith the coldest. Luz refusing to let Lilith teach her anything despite probably having more practical/book smarts knowledge on magic theory than Eda because she doesn’t trust her. If they are gonna use that masked dude as a spy, I want Luz to assume Lilith is somehow a coconspirator. This plot thread doesn’t have to be going at 100% the whole time, (in fact I would want it to be a temp thing maybe lasting a couple eps at most or like, just something that is hinted at but not dived deeply until the second half of the season). Really, Lilith has a hard time because Luz straight up doesn’t give her the opportunity to really express her regret/remorse. Lilith probably won’t at first give her a ton of reasons to forgive her as she usually attempts at coming back at Luz’s snide remarks with her own quippy comebacks. Sksk a really angsty end to an attempt could include Lilith saying something to Luz after going on a small talk with her (where yeah Lilith has improved but still needs noticeable work) that she “reminds her a lot of Eda” and Luz bites back with something like “Oh yeah? You going to curse me too? You want another person you can force to do what YOU want?”. 

Hell maybe “parental problems” could have Lilith poke at, either on purpose or accidentally, Luz’s feelings about going back to the human world and Camila. Lilith reminding her, maybe unknowingly, reminds her a lot of her mom and that causes her to blow up on her. Luz would hate that comparison, thinking about how similar her mom and Lilith are to one another. That because she still has such a strong dislike of Lilith, it bleeds over into how Luz views Camila and vice versa. In that, both Camila and Lilith value respect, an adherence to the rules, have a great sense of wisdom (arguably for Lilith lol /hj), and (eventually for Lilith once she gets to know Luz better) a genuine want for Luz to succeed and belief in her even though they are critical of her actions at times. Sure Eda reminds her of that more, motherly protective kind of love, in which she would do anything for her to be happy and healthy. Lilith can be the other side of that, the worry and slight doubt. That familiar way they each go about trying to understand and get close to Luz yet not quite getting it yet would still do whatever she’d ask for her sake. Luz at first would take Lilith being disappointed in her actions as an accomplishment. As they grow closer and the more Lilith reminds her of her mom, it becomes scary. The disappointment hurts and in an effort not to feel like that again and to not want to think about the comparison between Lilith and her mother she will snap back at her. Eventually Lilith would then have to change again and reassure her that she cares and by extent, her mother cares to. It is here Lilith is willing to let go of being so constantly controlling and learns to encourage first (or do some form of the compliment sandwich) and Luz comes to peace with her feelings about her mother and understands her position better. To be able to love herself even if she knows that she will always try to do her best. 

oh my fucking god you made it im so sorry i guess i had a lot of thoughts. fffffff

[ink-beneath-her-fingernails]

BNHA/MHA First Watch-Through Notes

1x01

these are... stupid... and... a mess. bc I am stupid and a mess. you have had your warning. I didn’t even go back and skim through this when I was done I’m just releasing these little bastard thoughts into the void they’re not my problem now

I’m watching dubbed btw

I know, I know... it’s the only one I have access to rn tho

I... do not know how to feel about funimation’s new intro?

well I guess it’s not really new but

listen I haven’t watched anything of funimation’s since the og fruits basket ok I’m used to the DUN-DUN *funimation* ((....you should be watching))

he is. babie. green babie.

but also why do these small children have such wild hair colors

I mean I’m here for it

I just wasn’t expecting it

oH SHIT THEY GOT POWERS POWERS

so this is the famous deku

I’m guessing this is like a flashback or memory or something?

I missed the bully’s name

speaking of the bullies, they changed order? It was wings, fire, stretchy hands, but now it’s fire, stretchy hands, wings. I know that they probably wanted to show the “leader” closest and that’s why but,,

also wtf?? these are kids. like bullies should not be a thing, I think we can all agree on that, but yeah, it’s gonna happen. but these kids are, what? eight? nine? maybe their powers (’quirks,’ whatever) aren’t super powerful yet, but this blonde kid has fire powers. has nobody talked to them about just how dangerous this is? forget roughing the other two up or intimidating them or giving them a hard time, this could genuinely escalate and get way out of hand super fast, and someone could get seriously injured.

oof. boy is dead.

this eight year old (purple hair) sounds like he’s a thirty yo new teacher trying to sound hip and cool but also wise and knowing to his class who Does Not Care

OH

that wasn’t purple kid?? that was current deku???

wack

then this fourteen year old sounds like he’s a thirty yo new teacher trying to sound hip and cool but also wise and knowing to his class who Does Not Care

also they were four?

jeepers heckin criminey who starts beating people up at four years old

have to say though, I loved that sky-to-puddle transition

jiminey fucking crickets I’m not even a minute into the episode these notes are going to be stupidly long I’m sorry

!! I love his little skipping-dance thing when he’s impatient at the crosswalk!

alright... I’ll admit it... his character design is pretty adorable

also tf is that thing

it looks half shark half poorly drawn dog

I mean I get it’s probably a person and that’s their quirk or whatever but

did this kid just run all the way across the city just to watch this guy start shit at the station so he could see the heroes take him down??

I mean respect tbh but also priorities kid

also I really appreciate that the cops are just kind of calmly directing everyone and everyone else is just kind of chillin like “oh. another villain. that’s too bad.” like tbh that’s one of the things that always kind of annoys me about movies and shows like this where there’s like repeatedly villain attacks because yes they are scary, especially when you’re caught up in them, but if you’re just kind of there and not directly in the action or being directly threatened, then why are you freaking out? you’ve lived in this city for how long? there’s an attack every, what, two days? this isn’t routine for you by now?

I started this like 15 min ago and am only like a minute and a half into the ep smh

ngl this intro kinda pops off

that hero guy seemed... kind of evil lookin tho

love the animation oml

also the lyrics to this are great???

OH IS THAT A NARRATIVE FOIL I SEE IMPLIED THERE

I THINK IT IS

“and they were narrative foils” “oh my god they were narrative foils”

k ngl rewinding real quick bc I missed some of the intro and there’s always so much fun stuff to see and unpack in those

also I wanna read all the lyrics

k so I was wondering this before but I’m just gonna say it... why does the hero guy have rabbit ears

alright character designs lookin p fire so far

last guy I keep missing but he kind of looks like steven universe?? idk I still have to watch that show too tbh so,,,

does the big hero guy turn into a giant bird?

oh that intro got me excited for this

these characters look so lit!!

“the first incident?” so this isn’t just like a natural factor of their world? it hasn’t always been going on? there was, like, a definitive start to it all? was that kid really the first incident or the first one they noticed? was that actually the first incident or is it just like the commonly told first incident, like an old myth/legend/folktale/old wive’s tale?

interesting that it started with a baby and then moved to people of all ages?

oh they don’t know the cause of the quirks? interesting

((why do I feel like finding out the answer to that is gonna be like A Big Thing™ at some point in the series))

I really like the visuals they put with this exposition?? idk why it’s just,,, very appealing

also his voice is very nice to listen to tbh, so that’s a definite plus

I hate it when the main character’s voice is super annoying

but like how long ago was it that this started? he just said “before long”

I like that in this universe they actually acknowledge that hey comic books are a thing and this whole superheroes/villains/powers thing is kind of ridiculous bc it’s legit like playing out scenes straight from those comic books but also this is real life and it’s actually happening and really does pose a lot of danger and complications to a lot of people, so we’re going to treat it as something real and serious and affecting us

I might’ve spoken too soon but I really hope they don’t blow that mindset

I feel like too often superhero shows/movies just either completely gloss over the effects this stuff has on society as a whole, or it’s like a completely new thing for them, like there’s never been the concept of a fictional superhero or a comic book there before.

“was an age of heroes”??? oh no what happens

k but why is this guy dressed like the ‘do not cross’ lines

kind of a lame hero costume tbh :/

why. does he have. sleeves. but no shirt.

edna mode would never do you like that honey go see her

“Death Arms”?? what kind of alias is that?? also wouldn’t it make more sense for arms to be uncovered than his chest, then??

“The Punching Hero”

I’m sorry I Cannot take this guy seriously

waterbending??

asdkfdls idk why but this firehose guy really reminds me of that one alchemist from fmab with the top hat and the monocle and the peg leg that spun like a top and Scar murked

“rescue specialist” see?? that makes sense!! it makes me so happy that they’re actually thinking more about the worldbuilding and how dangerous scenarios would work if 80% of the population had powers of different kinds, beyond “big bad guy meet big good guy. punch punch good guy wins”

also dear god thank you for putting someone on crowd control I know I was just saying it was great these people weren’t really treating this like the end of the world and it is good that they were mostly staying back by themselves but. they were still standing very close to an ongoing fight. priorities, people. self preservation. they are things. that I do not believe most people in superhero universes have in the slightest.

aww he’s too short

(but is he shorter than edward elric)

((do we know))

(((somebody please tell me if this information is available)))

alsdfkj l;a that guy calling in late bc the train got held up by the villain... do you think that’s another equivalent of “oh...I’m...sick... yeah, totally, I’m sick” and “my dog ate my homework” to them? “there was a villain attack” or “some idiot on my block decided to show off their quirk and it got out of hand”

ope Big Hero™ is here

...why am I surprised that they have fans?? I mean I guess that makes sense they’re basically celebrities and public figures right?

okay Big Hero™ is Kamui got it

wait no that is not the Big Hero™

but they are another hero and their name is Kamui got it

“Kamui Woods” ok that’s actually helpful I was gonna ask what his skin was supposed to be bc I didn’t think it was scales and it does look kind of like bark... Now going to take that as permission to assume it’s the latter

kamui kind of reminds me of some pokemon but I’m not sure which one?? I’m sorry idk pokemon v well but thy def remind me of one of them

“...a fAnBOY” he looks and sounds like he just tricked someone into confessing to murder why is he so smug about that smh

you know what. speaking of. I don’t get why everyone views being a fan of something/someone as something to be embarrassed or ashamed about?? why do people make fun of other people for it? why do we treat it like some big dark secret we try to hide? when did liking something become a bad thing? like?? sorry I have hobbies and interests and you don’t? sorry I think this person is talented? sorry I thought this book was life-changing? sorry I listen to this album so much because it’s good? sorry this show made me laugh during a really rough time? like goddamn it’s nobody’s business what you like unless you’re trying to force it on you when you’ve asked them to stop or it’s hurting someone? if they’re being safe and respectful about it for everyone involved then there shouldn’t be a problem? stop making people feel like freaks or be scared to enjoy something just a little too much? just let people have good things in life and consume the media that makes them happy? it has little to no effect on you? I don’t get why it’s you’re problem?? sorry to get all soapboxy this is something that’s always really annoyed me

does kamui have flowers on their belt

icon

k but isn’t wood like... really easy to break tho

I mean... comparatively speaking?

“illegal use of powers during rush hour traffic” alsfjsadlkf

wait so he’s listing charges for the guy, does that mean heroes are officially licensed here and can actually arrest people? and... actually work with law enforcement?? gasp no wait but I thought that was impossible except for The One Officer On The Inside That The Hero Has Convinced Of Their Cause™

hold up... “assault, robbery, and illegal use of powers during rush hour traffic... you are the incarnation of evil” ...bro chill lmao

I mean those aren’t good things but,,,, buddy “evil” can get so much worse holy shit sunflower child has no idea what’s in store for them

the show can do a hell of a lot even if they decide not to go that dark

well deku did say he was new

also off topic but I just looked it up and DEKU IS HALF A FOOT TALLER THAN ED

I’M SORRY BUT THAT’S HILARIOUS

CAN YOU IMAGINE THIS EXCITED GREEN CHILD MEETING ED THE GREMLIN ELRIC AND JUST TOWERING OVER HIM

he’d probably get along well w al though so ed would have to like him anyways

ok but back to bnha

ope kamui just got upstaged

but honestly?? he was actin a lil cocky and she seems like a queen so I ain’t mad about it

oh great creeps are everywhere apparently

YES THANK YOU THEY NEED TO INCLUDE SUPERPOWERS IN LEGISLATION SOMEHOW OTHERWISE PEOPLE CAN GET AWAY WITH ANYTHING GEEZ

just. more worldbuilding that I appreciate.

jfc they muzzled him?

ok i wasn’t that mad about kamui being upstaged (idk why I kinda like the guy) but now she’s acting a little too cocky for me and I feel kind of bad for Death Arms and Backdraft (?) because they definitely do deserve at least a little credit

yes. official. overseen by the government. I’m not saying it’s necessarily a good idea bc I’m not getting into the whole mess the MCU basically did regarding that, but it really does add to the worldbuilding and making it seem more realistic/draw you in a little more because you can bet that would be a thing that would actually happen in some capacity if such a large percentage of the population had superpowers, and crime was at an all-time high at the same time, with normal methods without powers likely not doing much to combat that, and it being even harder because everyone’s is different

wow so they really do have roles similar to celebrities huh?

I actually love how he’s analyzing the new hero

that’s!! the good!!! nerdery!!!!

ngl thought that guy was gonna be like “well that’s never gonna happen” lmao glad he didn’t turn out to be an asshole

this guy’s hair and his sweater need an upgrade

I’m sorry honey it’s just not a Look™

I mean ngl I’d probably wear it but also I am the absolute last person to look to for a good idea of fashion so

wow we hate asshole teachers

this kid’s hair grows wtf

they seriously just break out their quirks when they get annoyed?? I mean me too probably but

oh wait he’s not totally an asshole

but that still is kind of a dick move because even if it seems really really likely that most of them do, a lot of them probably feel like that’s just what’s expected of them or that that’s their best bet at an ok life, or they don’t think they’ll actually be able to get a career as a hero, and he has to know that there are kids (or at least one) in his class who don’t have powers and who will probably be shut down at every turn on that career track??

also what is it with the absurd number of people whose hair grows/flys/whatever and whose hands change chape and/or elongate

the girl who just throws up the rock n roll sign is my favorite

also why does this teacher remind me of gilderoy lockhart

I get that his eye thing is part of his quirk... but does he face no consequences health-wise from putting his grubby fingers all over his eyeballs?? you don’t know where your hands have been

ah

the famed bakugo

we finally meet

you seem like a cocky asshole and if I remember correctly you have firepowers

you know who else seemed like cocky assholes and one point or another and had firepowers??

roy mustang and zuko

and one of those guys is an awkward, angry turtleduck, and the other one is a rightly smug bastard who succeeded in pulling a coup on the government who was surveilling him and holding half his team hostage

so yeah I have a feeling I’m gonna like this guy

probably

at some point

eventually

it might take a while

“the only place worthy of me” oh dear

All Might!! Big Hero™ has a name!!

oh being a hero solely bc you want to be rich and popular? lame

aklsdfsjaslkfd teach just callin deku out in front of everyone

r.i.p.

it was nice having you as a main character for eight whole minutes I’m sorry you have to face death-by-embarrassment you deserved better

ope

bakugo doesn’t want anyone stealin his thunder

lemme guess deku is also his Main Rival™ or at least will be

awwwww poor guy

how much you wanna bet he gets the highest scores in all the exams bc he studies the heroes so much and that’s how he gets in

that lady got forcefields for her quirk? damn she lucked out

“this cash is mine” *drops cash*

are all the heroes like fine mt. lady can deal w the guy she keeps stealing all our credit anyway so there’s no point??

....is that all might?

k but... y’all should be taking notes on the heroes too if you want a better chance at that career and better schools for it? I know they’re probably making fun of it bc he doesn’t have a quirk but still

also I find it really interesting that the kids all act like the quirks are absolutely everything but at that scene on the street earlier people were complaining about missing the days they didn’t have to worry about “every rando w a quirk” or something... like maybe it’s because the kids grew up w it? Idk just the difference in mindset between (presumably) generations seems cool to look into

wow we love bullies so much

no we don’t pls stop you’re not as cool as you think you are

DESTROYING SOMEONE’S NOTEBOOK/JOURNAL/SKETCHBOOK IS ONE OF THE MOST DICK MOVES SOMEONE CAN MAKE CHANGE MY MIND

alright bakugo you’ve definitely moved onto my shitlist for the moment

don’t stay there

well you know what they say about greatness... some people are destined for it, yeah, but some become it, and some have it thrust upon them

cliches are there for a reason buddy

and either way... I could be wrong but... there doesn’t seem like anything great or heroic about bullying people... I mean idk that’s just my opinion but

god I hope they eat bakugo alive at ua

deku I know you’re a sunshine child but you have to get in now. you have to. out of pure spite. please.

yeah, friend 1b is right buddy...

destroy him deku

DESTROY THEM DEKU

oh suicide jokes huh

bakugo you’re on thin fucking ice you’ve just moved way up in my shit list

wow I hate him <3

EXACTLY

THANK YOU DEKU

I hate it when shows have someone make a suicide joke like that and just? no one addresses it?? or the characters don’t seem to realize that it needs addressing, at least to themselves??? so this is refreshing

voiced my thoughts exactly

he really is an idiot

NO BUDDY YOUR DREAMS ARE STILL POSSIBLE AND VALID

YOUR NOTES ARE SALVAGEABLE

he really is a jerk deku you’re right

awww little deku is so cute

alright I’m gonna make a prediction

this is his mom right

is this gonna be

another

dead anime mom?

and lemme guess she always told him she was sure he’d be a hero/she knew he’d become one, and then she died, and that’s why he’s so set on it

probably not

but just... placing my bets now

w h a t  is this child doing

he’s a hair’s breadth away from head-desking

are we... just gonna... ignore that robbery that was happening on the street a few minutes ago

OKAY WE GET IT YOU’RE HERE CAN YOU GO BACK TO SAVING PEOPLE THEY’RE STILL IN DANGER

HIS CACKLES I CAN’T

alsdkjf;lsjk I feel bad for him but also,,, that transition was gold

but also the face his mom made before he started laughing... she knew he probably wouldn’t get one didn’t she

but why do they assume it won’t happen if they don’t get it by a certain age? they said after that baby people all around the world were getting powers, and showed people of all different ages when they said so. that implies that they got those powers at those ages, after the baby was born but not when they were children themselves? like yeah there’s probably some point where you’d consider them “aged out” and therefore less likely to get a quirk but... she just said he’s in kindergarten.

fourth generation? so the appearance of quirks isn’t a super recent thing then

they can tell if someone is going to manifest a quirk or is starting to by looking at x-rays?

also I know I’m seriously overusing the word “interesting” but

maybe I’m reading too far into this but it’s also kind of interesting that his father and his (current) main antagonist have such similar powers?

OH!!!! lore drop!! kind of!!! that’s a really interesting (wow there it is again) thing they chose to be an indicator for that kind of thing in this universe

*cue izuku contemplating chopping off his pinky toes*

I feel like... all might’s... not gonna be that great....

DEAR LORD HOW MANY TEARS CAN THIS CHILD HOLD IN HIS EYES

also ngl when little deku’s eyes are wide and he doesn’t move he looks really creepy and kind of like a child-sized doll

like pinocchio

how sure are we that deku isn’t made of wood

hmmmmmmmmm I do love this animation

ah Internal Angst™

the fuck is that laughter??

skin suit? no thanks

but guess we aren’t ignoring that earlier scene

yeah all might’s in the city alright

he’s gonna break this up isn’t he

yepppppp that’s him

idk I think alex louise armstrong did it better sorry bud :/

“texas smash”??

he just... punched liquid apart

this kid’s still gonna go flying and hit the ground hard buddy thanks for your help

oh he stuck around

and he’s not hurt too bad

“justicing”

he’s using the city’s sewer system being difficult to navigate as his excuse for why he wasn’t paying attention to keeping bystanders safe like he “usually” does?

the armstrongs do the sparkle better

a;ldkfsdlfls this is really funny to watch ngl

“that’s... a pretty good point.” yeah no shit lmao

I love how he’s just. awkwardly patting deku.

yeah he’s gonna end up accidentally adopting this kid isn’t he

is he hurt?? or did the other guy actually take him over while deku was unconscious??

nah I think he’s just hurt I’m p sure he really did get the guy

but still

that was... a big boom.... that’s not good

he’s just.... abandoning this kid on the rooftop??

but also he probably really does have to go if blood is coming out of his mouth

do heroes in this universe have secret identities?

I feel like yes but also no??

watch as this guy’s like “I don’t have a quirk either” and he’s just. like. an armstrong or something

that or he’s gonna crush this kid’s dreams and be like “no, it’s not possible” and I will be forced to ensure deku becomes the most successful hero ever out of Even More Pure Spite™ even if he idolizes the guy

oh yeah he’s gonna get his dreams crushed

IS ALL MIGHT GONNA VOUCH FOR HIM AND GET HIM AN OPPORTUNITY AT UA BC HE FEELS BAD FOR HIM

hmm this outro kinda slaps too

overall feelin good, like it so far, definitely think I won’t have trouble continuing watching at least for now

[thecloserkin]

book review: C.J. Hauser, Family of Origin (2019)

Genre: the most literary of fiction

Is it the main pairing: yes

Is it canon: yes

Is it explicit: kinda

Is it endgame: no

Is it shippable: if you’re into unhealthy ships

Bottom line: i hate literary fiction. ok i don’t hate fiction obviously i just hate when it tries to be too literary?? u feel me fam

Two estranged half-siblings spend a week tying up loose ends on the remote island where their father died (it is unclear if he committed suicide). The “loose ends” are that they had sex once, as teenagers, and now it’s weird. The island is populated by cultists and nut jobs who are convinced it’s the end of days and evolution is going in reverse. I have… many equivocal feelings about this book. On the one hand there are so many lines that just peel me like an orange, lines like “There was nothing more humiliating to Elsa than her own desires” or “Elsa was never surprised when someone killed himself. She was only surprised by her own animal perseverance day after day.” Plus I think this book really gets the dynamic where they’re constantly needling each other and every interaction is doused in fifteen gallons of repressed attraction. I think this is a novel that accomplished everything it set out to do with assurance and aplomb; I’m just fundamentally uninterested in what it’s trying to do. It’s about damaged people who learn to heal but the problem is the healing is much less engaging than the hurting.

Here’s the difference between speculative fiction and literary fiction: SF/F presumes zombies are literal zombies. Instead of assuming the zombies metaphorically represent something abstract, you just take them at face value ok? You spot a time machine or a vampire, you take it at face value and you add additional layers of meaning later. Which puts me in a pickle because Family of Origin is decidedly not a genre book, so what am I supposed to think about Famous Bigshot Biologist Ian, Elsa and Nolan’s dad, and his reasons for relocating to this island? There’s no cell phone service; it is quite literally removed from civilization. When I said nut jobs I mean it’s populated by secessionists, survivalists, doomsday preppers, anti-establishment types of all stripes. And they have some kooky theories about ducks. Which Ian apparently subscribed to. If this was SF/F I would just go along with it because maybe Elsa and Nolan, having arrived on the island, will finish Ian’s life’s work and find this elusive duck and prove Charles Darwin wrong haha??? But it’s fucking literary fiction which means I have to look for SYMBOLISM gahhh kill me now.

C.J. Hauser knows what she’s doing. Her bio says she’s a creative writing instructor and you can see why. It sucks that “what she’s doing” only glancingly aligns with “what I want her to do,” but c’est la vie. I was immediately taken with her choice of island setting (remote islands breed intimacy!) and the familiar configuration of type-A older sister paired with a younger brother who begs for a scrap of notice or attention. From the get-go Elsa’s priority is control. Nolan’s is acceptance. This quote sums it up pretty handily:

The problem was that Nolan wanted answers, and Elsa wasn’t sure what she would do with answers if she found them.

Like, I personally identify more with Nolan than with Elsa, because there’s this sense of learned futility that I find kind of charming in him but everyone finds annoying af in me:

Nolan wished he could return to a time before anyone had any expectations for him.

Elsa, otoh. Here is Elsa thinking about her ex, a relationship she clung to well past the expiration date merely because he loved her more than she loved him back, and she wasn’t willing to give up that bargaining position:

As long as his side of their love had more ballast to it, she felt in control and like he would not leave. Everyone left Elsa, so she had to be sure.

Nolan and Elsa are certified disasters. They’re both so burnt-out, and twisted up inside with shame and guilt and impossible desires, and the island is the ideal backdrop for them to resolve their issues:

There was so much that was not allowed that the island seemed willing to permit. Things underwater. Things offshore.

That night, they made no pretenses about the sleeping bag and slept cupped like shells in their father’s bed.

Jesus Joseph and Mary this woman can write. I’ve even seen lines from this novel quoted in those tumblr compilation poetry posts.

Anyway Elsa and Nolan’s dynamic is they do not get along and they’ve never gotten along. It starts with Elsa’s resentment at being displaced by a new sibling, which was compounded by Elsa’s mom being divorced and replaced by Nolan’s mom. These kids have spent all their lives probing at each other’s weaknesses and I am reminded of a very apt line from a book that has absolutely jack shit to do with incest: “When siblings spar, the true cause is proximity.” This seems to apply to Elsa and Nolan’s situation more potently than most.

Will you just LOOK at this god-tier sparring though:

Nolan touched a drop of rain that hung by her ear, letting it spill onto his fingers. Elsa smacked his hand.

Don’t— Elsa began, but Nolan, dirty water dripping from his fingers, grabbed Elsa around the ankles and shook her, groaning, Graaghh! like some B-movie Swamp Thing from the deep, ready to pull Elsa into the pool. Elsa considered Nolan’s hands around her ankles.

It’s one part goofing off, one part competitive banter, and one part violent sexual tension . Elsa takes meticulous mental inventory of every instance of skin-to-skin contact and I’m like—girl you know it only means something if you let it? Who the hell pays that much attention every time their brother accidentally brushes shoulders with them?!

There was a knot between Elsa’s shoulders that twisted taut when she saw him.

Nolan is shiftless and aimless, doesn’t even have the balls to break up with his girlfriend, his internal monologue is a constant refrain of “Nolan wished there was some more-adult adult whose job this could be.” Child you are TWENTY-EIGHT years old and need to start owning your choices. I think this hypothesis that’s sorta floated in an early Elsa POV is pretty conclusively disproved in the course of the novel:

But people didn’t change. They just ran away from everyone who knew them too well so they could start over and do a better job of obscuring the worst parts of themselves.

Because they do change, both of them change and mend their ways and they become a family again and ok here’s where I have a problem with C.J. Hauser: Her idea is that you have to choose—Nolan is either Elsa’s brother or her lover:

And he understood then that he could have kept Elsa as a sister or slept with her. It was a choice, and what he’d just done was to have given her up.

It seems her whole motivation for seducing him was as a big fuck-you to their father. I’m not saying she was not attracted to him I’m saying her field of vision is dominated by Ian:

Everyone here is insane, Elsa said.

They have their reasons, said Nolan.

They have stories, not reasons.

What if you’re my story? What if the story of why I’m on this island is you?

What’s my story?

Your story is Dad.

Go to sleep.

Tell me a story.

Which is really sweet and I am a fiend for these callbacks that deliberately echo the older sibling interacting with the younger one as a baby, but Ian’s stature is such that he takes over everything?? We find out that he wasn’t that great of a scientist. That he wasn’t a great dad was clear from the start.

So the really interesting thing from a craft perspective is the climax of this book occurs in the middle of it instead of at the end. The only other novel I can think of that does this is Cloud Atlas but that has a very unique structure. The film The Talented Mr. Ripley also kind of does this?

SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS

It’s revealed that Elsa isn’t Ian’s biological child. Her mom had an affair and when Ian found out he divorced her and married Nolan’s mom. When Elsa learnt the truth, she took the radical step of sleeping with Nolan to prove a point, I guess? To wit: If she wasn’t Ian’s daughter then it wasn’t actually incest. If Ian was troubled then it must be because she was his daughter:

But you are this kid, her mother said. You’re so totally his kid that you think biology is the only way you can be his kid.

I’ll admit that the “they’re not related” reveal does in this instance actually serve a purpose, unlike in some other books (yup this is a Wasteland callout post). And it ties into the theme of biology, and the stupid elusive ducks that supposedly inhabit this godforsaken island:

”We’re no longer good at adapting to things in the natural world because it’s too hard to tell which parts are real anymore so we don’t know what to adapt to.”

So there you have it. Family of Origin is not a book that spoke to my soul but it is a devastatingly exquisite book, and it has a number of really shippable scenes even if the relationship taken as a whole is not one I was rooting for. Here’s Nolan trying to get laid at college:

He didn’t know what to do because there had only ever been Elsa that one time before and Elsa had known what to do.

And then he has a breakdown so bad that he calls Elsa??? For emotional support??? Even though she’s at least 50% of the reason he’s so broken. When Elsa shows up she says ”I drove over two goddamn hours so you could yell at me in person” lolololol every single line of dialogue is so on-point. Oh oh and Elsa biting his ribs and his neck while they’re lying half-naked in bed is another pearl of a scene.

I saved so many quotes from this book and half of them have nothing to do with incest but they’re SENSATIONAL so I’m going to end this review with an assortment of quotes:

that she was afraid to ask for small things like this because the need in them did not seem big enough to draw attention. That she was afraid her small needs would go unnoticed, and so she made plays at bigger ones instead.

Whatever inner thing guided normal people in their choices … Elsa’s was broken. Nolan had been her first wrong choice, years ago, and as much as she’d have liked to pretend she was different now, that it had been a stupid teenage mistake, there was too much other wrongness that came after. Dozens of dubious choices that all seemed to bloom outward from that first moment.

But no, there was a difference between realizing how wrongly he’d been made and the moment the wrongness actually happened.

Because it wasn’t perfect. Because she couldn’t tell the difference between unconditional and infallible.

Maybe the sooner Elsa stopped trying to hunt down some class of people who had all the answers—adults, scientists, Mars missions, Ian—the sooner she could stop the cycle of trying to win. Could look around and decide what kind of game might actually be worth playing.

[solidandsound]

I have a whole essay of thoughts on KH3. Let’s see if I can be remotely coherent.

Gameplay is fun. Movement feels good, and so does combat. Keyblade switching is neat, although it would be better if there were some cooler keyblades to use. I’d take Oblivion, Oathkeeper, etc over some of the silly stuff we got. Grand magic is cool. The only new mechanic I don’t like is the attractions. They aren’t fun to use, they don’t feel good, they’re just flashy. But you can mostly ignore them, so overall combat is fun. The real problem is that it’s too easy, even on Proud mode. There were a couple of tricky spots for me early on while Sora’s HP was low, but they really throw those HP upgrades at you and enemy damage doesn’t scale fast enough to continue to be a threat. Even the last boss was basically doing chip damage to me while I took out half a bar of health per fire spell. There was nothing like the Riku fight in KH1 or the final boss sequences for 1 or 2. Other KH games have fights leaving me pumped with adrenaline because they’re so good at keeping you on your toes, but KH3 never got me that worked up. Some folks cite all the powerful finishers, attractions, etc, but I think it could have still been challenging with those things if the damage scaling was better.

Exploration is fun, and I like the different approaches each world took to it, with some being large open spaces and others being more linear. It does make searching for treasure and emblems more difficult, though, and some sort of tool to help with that late game would have been nice.

The worlds themselves and how they play out have their ups and downs. You never really fight any big bads in them, so none of them feel like they have the stakes of KH2 worlds, but they don’t all need to. Olympus was a very solid world, and a pretty good setup for what Sora’s trying to do in KH3 (which unfortunately falls flat later, but in Olympus it feels good). It also sets up some intrigue with Maleficent looking for the box (which goes even more poorly later, but again, here it feels good). It’s a big, pretty playground to experiment with all the new stuff in the game. My only real gripe is Phil’s awkward silence. If you want him to show up, Square, give him at least one line. If you can’t give him any lines, don’t have him show up! This was awkward later with Aeleus and Dilan later as well. They make for such clear time/budget cuts, it breaks immersion something terrible.

Twilight Town was a huge disappointment. While it’s nice that it’s so populated (and that goes for many other worlds as well), only having a small part of what we know to exist available to explore is pretty sad. The story there sets things up so that Pence has to do some research which takes time, so I figured we could come back and go up the hill later, but of course that never happens.

Toy Box was fun. It was nice to have a world where almost all of it is just one big open area with lots of vertical space. The Gigases here were some of the only enemies in the game to pose a threat, but only because you need to also use the Gigases, which makes them and the whole world easy. The idea that the organization is doing research on inanimate objects acquiring hearts is interesting, but never amounts to anything, and the main conflict here goes unresolved until the end credits where it’s maybe kinda resolved without our input.

The Tangled world was interesting. It’s probably the most faithful adaptation of a Disney movie’s plot in a KH world in the series, down to specific scene setups, lines, framing, etc. I thought it was bizarre at first, but exploring the world with Rapunzel, which she’s seeing for the first time, and seeing her reactions to it made me feel like I was playing the game of the movie, in a good way. And of course this world had some gorgeous greenery. It also introduces the New Seven Hearts, which is interesting in theory but ends up being irrelevant and underutilized, especially since it could have fixed a problem that’s present for the entire game.

The bad guys want Sora and co to gather the seven lights. By rescuing Aqua, etc, they are playing into Xehanort’s plan. There should be some conflict about this. As it stands, there’s no tension. We’re not really doing anything to stop their plan. Of course Sora wants to save everyone, but maybe they could wonder if they can just not fight, or hide some people away, or something. But, it’s mentioned that if Sora fails to gather the seven lights, the new princesses can be used instead. That makes them leverage: if Sora and his allies fail to show up to the final battle, then these innocent princesses will be used, which of course forces Sora to move forward with the original plan. There’s conflict and tension there, where currently, in the game, there is none.

Monstropolis is interesting because it serves as a sequel to Monsters Inc, developing the lore of the Disney property in an interesting way. The factory’s a little bland but it has some fun sequences. Boo gets some cute moments. What’s annoying is that a Vanitas fight is teased here, and then ripped away from us. By this point I was dying for a good old classic KH person v. person hardcore showdown, because those are always the best fights, but alas. And of course nothing here ends up being super relevant to the main plot.

The Frozen world was fairly faithful to the movie, similar to the Tangled world, except with Sora mostly doing his own thing while the plot of the movie happened elsewhere. I actually thought this world set up an interesting theme that could have been explored more, which is Sora’s hero complex. He sees Elsa hurting and wants to help her, but it’s not something he can help with, so he has to learn to let her work through it on her own instead of coming to the rescue. Unfortunately they don’t do much with it, but it’s an interesting angle. And the New Seven Hearts come up again, which continues to be a waste of potential. The one thing that stood out as a peculiar choice to me was reanimating the entirety of the Let It Go scene. It was so bizarre I was laughing the whole time. I like the song, but what point did that serve? I actually heard a streamer mention that Elsa sings all of Let It Go when I watched some prerelease streams, but I assumed he was joking.

The Pirates world is the only one in this game based on a movie I haven’t seen, so I was a little lost as to the larger plot, but it gave some good characterization for Luxord. It’s nice that he seems to come to this world just because he likes it. I enjoyed the ship exploration and island setup, but I always do (see also: Wind Waker, Suikoden IV). Underwater movement and combat feel much better in this game than Atlantica worlds in earlier games. Ship battles got a little repetitive after a while.

San Fransokyo was one of my favourite worlds. The GTA-esque open city setup is fun, although a little small, and I love that we can see it during the day and at night, although having some chests and emblems only appear at certain times was a bit annoying. The music is excellent here. I like Big Hero 6 a lot, and the story of the world was a very interesting way to build off of the movie. I would love to watch a full BH6 sequel that’s basically the KH3 plot. It’s also a cool and interesting way to reintroduce Dark Riku as a member of the organization. Even though none of the Disney worlds really advance the plot directly, I’m okay with it because they serve another purpose, which is to slowly reveal organization members, keeping us guessing as to who the full 13 will be. Of course, it would be better if we didn’t see almost everyone in trailers, but it was fun to guess at the ones we didn’t know. What is disappointing about the Disney worlds is that Sora is supposed to be learning how to use the power of waking, but it’s obvious early on that it’s going to work when it needs to and he’s not going to figure it out before then, so that entire quest feels pointless.

In between these we get cutscenes of other plot points, and briefly play Riku in the world of darkness. I don’t like that so much of the cool plot stuff happens elsewhere. To me, that’s all the interesting stuff, the stuff I’m playing KH3 for, and I wanted to be involved in it instead of it happening elsewhere or hearing about it over the gummiphone. I did like that we get to play as Riku, as one of the things I’ve come to love about the series is seeing the different keyblade wielders’ combat styles. I also liked that, after we save Aqua, we get a fight as her. I was pumped to see my favourite keyblade master and the most badass character in the series in action again, but after the fight she gets inexplicably knocked out so that she can be rescued, which was both disappointing and out of character.

And then we go to the Keyblade Graveyard, which is where things really fall apart. First of all, the KG is a disappointing final world. It’s somewhere we’ve been before, and it’s nothing like the big, mysterious final worlds of previous games. The End of the World and the World That Never Was are two of my favourite worlds in the series, and the KG here fails to stack up. The labyrinth is a cool concept, but sorely underutilized. But before we even get there we get a very poorly explained time loop thing, and another moment where Aqua doesn’t seem nearly as capable as we know her to be, not to mention all the other great keyblade wielders with them at that point. We get some sort of afterlife, which complicates the life and death mythos of Kingdom Hearts even further, and we get an optional scene there that really should have been mandatory.

Then we go into the final showdown stuff. What was most exciting leading up to KH3 to me was this promised showdown, the 7 lights vs the 13 darknesses, all the keyblade wielders fighting together against overwhelming odds and kicking butt because they’re all great. Instead, what we get is Sora going through and systematically rescuing every one of his allies. It’s not the 7 lights vs the 13 darknesses, it’s Sora vs the 13 darknesses. What’s the point of having everyone there if Sora does everything in the end anyway? It’s especially grating to have extremely capable people like Aqua have to be rescued again. There’s also the matter of Kairi and Axel, who I was most excited to see finally fight with their keyblades. Instead they get trounced immediately and we don’t get any Kairi action at all, and then she gets fucking kidnapped. I’d understand her being less skilled than the others, but what was all that training for? And Axel may be new to the keyblade, but he’s a great fighter, much better than we see here. It’s all so disappointing. The entire section completely fails to live up to the promise of the big group showdown. We have Riku and Aqua programmed as playable characters, so even if they had been playable for their fights that would have made things feel a lot better, although it doesn’t fix everything. The Kairi issue is the biggest bummer for me.

This is where a lot of the important character stuff is resolved, too, and it’s all done quickly and sloppily. The ‘fight, stop for a cutscene, continue the fight, get another cutscene’ format is lazy and immersion breaking. Xion shows up with very little explanation. The whole struggle with her is that no one remembers her, and yet that’s brushed aside without ever really being addressed. And no one really gets the time they need to live in these moments of being reunited with the people they care about. I wanted to see more of them interacting, and more characters interacting who never have before but have clear links to each other. The way everything was quickly resolved, and the way things are set up for the future, makes me think Nomura was getting bored of these characters and wanted to get them out of the way as quickly as possible to move on to his current infatuation, which is the mobile game garbage.

It’s not as if I dislike everything the mobile game has to offer in terms of story and lore additions, but too much of that stuff bled into KH3. The thing where Sora summons the power of all the past keyblade wielders was fine, although I don’t like the 4th wall breaking of including everyone’s usernames. Still, it’s innocent enough. Making the epilogue all about the mobile game, tying the motivations of characters from earlier games to stuff from the mobile game, and introducing new mysteries that are clearly tied to the mobile game but never get resolved here lessened the quality of KH3. I expect some new mysteries and elements to be introduced each game to tease sequels. But in most games, those aspects were relegated to the secret endings and secret reports. That way you get a full game, leaving you feeling satisfied as you watch the ending, and then getting a teaser for another satisfying experience to come. For KH3, as I watched the ending I wasn’t satisfied. There was still too much left unresolved, or poorly resolved, things I needed from the game that I didn’t get. I was still looking for those things when I got to the secret ending, and of course it offered no closure. It made this entire game feel like sequel bait, when this is the game the previous games were supposed to be sequel bait for. I feel like I’m being strung along by the developers and taken advantage of.

There are some things I like about the ending. Although I don’t like the way it was shown so briefly and vaguely, I like the idea that Sora sacrificed himself to save Kairi. In multiple worlds in this game, we see characters try to sacrifice themselves for their loved ones, so when Sora does it, it makes for an interesting thematic link between the Disney content and main story content. I also like that the game seems to imply a switching of roles for Sora and Kairi, in the way the shots are framed so that Kairi is where Sora normally would be. This is the one thing that made me excited for future games: the thought that maybe Kairi could be the protagonist and go on her own journey to save Sora, that she could finally fucking do something other than be the damsel and love interest. Both KH2 and DDD suggested that she would have a more active role as well, though, and look how that turned out. So, I don’t trust it, especially with the secret ending showing Sora and Riku.

Speaking of which… Yozora. He’s clearly a Versus XIII reference, and I thought it was rightfully petty and hilarious when I saw the Toy Box scene, like Nomura was showing off how much cooler his game would have been than FFXV. Seeing Yozora in the secret ending makes me worry, though. Is he so petty that he would use a future KH game as a vehicle for the characters and ideas that didn’t come to fruition with Versus? With this and all the mobile game stuff, not to mention the general quality of KH3, I’m seriously worried about future games. For over a decade I’ve been thrilled every time a new KH game was announced. Now, though, I feel I’m going to have to be more cautious. It’s not a good feeling to have. Kingdom Hearts has never been perfect, but KH3 makes me feel like Nomura has forgotten what it is that made Kingdom Hearts great in the first place.

[wolf-with-a-pen]

Twin Skeleton’s Part 1

Trigger Warnings: Swearing, Death, Gore, Unreality, Murder, Being Watched?

Masterpost, Next

Please tell me if I have missed a trigger, and I will be sure to add it, if you want to be mentioned when I post a new part, ask, and if oyu want me to tag this with anything else, tell me.

This is a new series,hopefully shorter than Knockin' On Heaven's Door, it physically wouldn't let me work on it until I had wrote at least part of it. I should hopefully be able to work on it next week, but if not, expect another part of this.

Word Count:2909

I HAD BEEN dead for 6 years when they arrived. Unwilling to leave the hotel after the horrors they saw and the near-death experience they had. I watched as their friend took their last breath, just like I had so many years ago, albeit in a more... bloody way than mine. Almost reminded me of Psycho with the amount of blood that poured out of them, spilling on the yellowing carpet, pooling around both of them. However, this time I wasn't fully fixated on the dying people-not this time. No, I managed to dial 911 and somehow get an ambulance for them (I'm as surprised as you are) and made sure to memorise the perpetrator’s face in case I saw them again. Anyone willing and able to kill is bad in my books. Especially after that, but I refuse to talk about it. There's no point dwelling on the past anymore.

For the event that happened, it was quite a sunny day. Surprising since deaths almost always happen in the rain. (Yes, I'm looking at you authors. Why? Oh, and hi to the audience I suppose. Who knows why you are using my life for your entertainment, but who am I to judge? Still don't like you, but I guess I'll put up with you.) Anyways, where was I? Right, honestly, I didn't mind that day, for the life of a ghost is a lonely one- we are rare. Only people with unfinished business become ghosts. Surprisingly only a small amount of the population. Most say "I want to do X before I die", but most of those desires aren't strong enough to cause them to become a lost spirit. And even then, most leave within a few years, or their unfinished business isn't necessarily needed to be done on earth. The rest of us are doomed to stay in one room for most of eternity, invisible to almost all. Almost being important. There are a few who can see through the veil of death, but it is rarer than ghosts themselves. Imagine my surprise when I found out that 1) they are created, not born, and 2) when one found their way into my room. Are you imagining it? That's you audience. Yes? Ok, now times it by 100. Yeah, I was shocked.

It was a month later I found out. You see I believed that both of them had died. I only saw one of their souls leave, but I assumed the second's wounds were just as severe- severe enough they wouldn't survive. I was wrong. They stumbled in 4 weeks later, discharged but clearly not out of the wars. Way too many bandages were on them, almost excessively. Their entire body appeared to be covered, save for their head and hands, despite only one wound being present. And it was on their chest. They didn't need half of them. But, oh well, better safe than sorry I guess? Who knows. All I know is they were followed by one of the staff members- clearly to make sure they didn't get hurt. However, they ignored their aide to stare straight at me. Yes, that's right. At me. Not through me. In the background the aide started. “Here you are,” he announced. “It hasn’t been changed beyond the clean-up and we made sure it stayed empty the entire time,” he launched into a full blown speech- I could tell he would. I cautiously stepped to one side, sure that they couldn’t see me, and were just staring off to the distance. Their eyes followed keenly. I knew I had to react before they told the staff member. Quickly I put my finger to my lips, saying out loud. “They can’t see me, act like normal.” I saw them nod slightly, before turning to the staff member, pretending to be interested in what he was saying. But the whole time, they carefully cast sidewards glances at me, as if I would disappear if they didn’t constantly look at me, while trying to decipher if I was actually real or not. It appeared they couldn’t decide.

Only once the other human had left did they talk. “Who are you? And how can I see you?” they said tentatively.

“Who I am does not concern you as of yet. And I don’t know how you can see me. Probably something to do with being stabbed made you able to see through the veil – you can see through the divider that separates our world and yours, automatically making me visible to you.” I replied curtly.

“Wait, so are you a ghost or something?”

“Yes, I am.”

“So, I can see ghosts now?”

“Yes, you can see ghosts,” I replied, annoyed “you can also see angels and demons in their true form, though why anybody would ever want to do that, I don’t know.”

“And you saw me get stabbed?”

“Who d’ya think called the ambulance sweetie?”

“And I’m gonna ignore how you managed that. Despite saving me, you don’t want me to know who you are.”

“Of course not. You might get attached and do something stupid “to be with me” or worse, I might get attached and have to watch someone else die. No way am I letting that happen. I can’t do that again. I don’t think I’d last. Plus, the first thing is a fast track to hell- it wouldn’t work. The only reason I’m still here is unfinished business. You have none. And you have the rest of your life to live out. I don’t want to infringe on it."

“Fine, keep your secrets then. I’m staying here and talking to you anyway, whether you like it or not.”

“Great, just what I needed. A companion. I have been fine for the last 10 years, I think I’ll be fine for 10 more, or however long it takes for my spirit to disintegrate.”

“Don’t be like that. I might not be that bad.”

“Fine, you have one chance, don’t waste it. You have a month to earn my trust. If you don’t, you leave me and this place alone. If you do, I might let you stick around for a while. Deal?”

“Deal.”

The first day was relatively annoying. For some reason they decided to pester me until I gave them some information about myself, whether on accident or on purpose to shut them up. That and gushing about how they have always wanted to meet a ghost and asking me to explain how everything in the new world they discovered worked. I didn’t mind telling them that much. Why wouldn’t I when they would have to get used to it, and fast? Despite being a minority, they would soon see us everywhere. Well, us and angels and demons. God forbid they meet a Guardian. That’s why I don’t mind. They opened up a world of just new, unfamiliar and dangerous things. I kinda owed them an explanation of what was going on. How the world truly worked. I started with two concepts that most people already knew of: heaven and hell.

“So, what do you know of heaven and hell?”

“Just the religious speculations people came up with. Heaven is said to be a safe haven of angels you reach when you die- if you have done good deeds that is. Hell is supposed to full of demons, and where you get tortured for eternity for all the bad things you have done to others. I always hoped it would be the other way round cause everyone says I’m going to hell.”

“First, none of that is really right. Second, what do you mean by you’re going to hell?”

“Because I’m a demigirl and a lesbian, everyone says I should be in hell.”

“Well, we’re all going to hell- only those of pure heart or are naive enough to be manipulated go to heaven. There are few exceptions to that rule. The rest of us end up in hell for having too much personality. It’s better for us anyway- you don’t want to go to heaven. It is a dictatorship, ruled by one person with a hive mind to enforce their laws. Highly corrupt, anyone who even slightly misbehaves or shows opposite ideas to the leader has their soul removed and their shell is sucked into the hive mind- an army of ruthless soldiers with no feelings or general consciousness. All actions are controlled by the leader. Hell is much better. It is more of an anarchist government type thing, with no rules. What you can do is only limited by the strength of your moral code. Only those who are deemed the worst of the worst are punished- mostly the ones likely to disrupt the relative peace too much or are general pieces of shit. For example, genocidal maniacs, and the likes of Jeff Bezos and Elon Musk. From what I’ve heard, there is a special place in hell for those two to suffer. Plus, demons can come to earth, whereas the angels are trapped in heaven from the second they step foot in there by the guardian angels and the border guards.” I rambled on, forgetting who I was talking to, and the fact that most readers and listeners prefer to have shorter paragraphs.

“Wow,” they said once they managed to recover from the information overload, “So, technically I was right about the role reversal.”

“I guess.”

“Oh, yeah, I forgot to introduce myself, I’m…” they started before I cut in.

“Ruby-May Johnson, but you prefer to be called Bee. You are 30 years old, and have been single all of your life. You were born on the 19th of May, which is likely where your double-barrelled name came from. You are an extrovert and sister to Lily August Johnson-Kennedy, who died in the attack.”

“How do you know all that?”

“Your passport says a lot. The rest are assumptions from watching and listening to you before, I had nothing better to do, so I watched you.”

“Right, OK. You still not willing to tell me about you?”

“Nope.”

“Alright. What should I call you and refer to you by? I’ll go first. I’m a demigirl, I like she and they pronouns, but prefer they to she. With relationship terms, I prefer the gender neutral terms, but I’m still fine with the female ones.”

“Ok Bee. Try not to refer to me. Nobody else knows I exist, and I'd prefer to keep it that way. If you have to use she/her or you’ll get she/hurt. If you need me, use Spectre. Everyone else does.”

“Thank you Spectre.”

“It’s late, sleep now.”

“No, I wanna know more.”

“No,” I announced, forcing them into their bed, “I refuse to tell you any more until you have slept.”

“Fine, but only because you leave me no choice,” they agreed begrudgingly, “Good night.”

“Good night,” I replied, making myself invisible to all- including veil-seers- and turning off the lights.

“Wait! Please stay until I fall asleep. And, can you turn the light back on.” I heard, their voice cracking slightly.

I made myself visible, flicking on the lights before inquiring, “Autophobia, nyctophobia or somniphobia?”

“A bit of all of them.”

“Ok, I’ll stay. I’m pretty sure in the bottom draw of the dresser, there is a night light if you want it.”

“Really? And yes, thank you.” They climbed out of bed, making their way towards the dresser grabbing the night light and pushing it into the wall. It illuminated the room nicely, I remembered that from when I had to use it. I simply answered her first question: “Yeah, I know what it’s like. Now, sleep. You are safe as long as I’m here- I will be watching you and making sure you don’t get hurt.”

“Thank you.” Bee whispered, closing their eyes and falling asleep.

“Sweet dreams. I hope.”

The second they fell asleep I turned invisible and ventured as far out of the room I was able to go. Here, the barrier between the possessed areas of the world were thinner, allowing me to talk with the nearest spirit to me. Or at least, what I believed must be the nearest spirit. And he probably wasn’t actually a ghost, but good enough for me. I called out to him, knowing he would most likely be there. “Ashton, are you able to talk?”

“Yeah, sure, nice to talk to you again Spectre. How long has it been? A month or two at least. Anyway, what did you need?”

“What, no, I don’t need anything,” I said. You know, like a liar.

“You only talk to me if you need something, whether information or more physical, you cannot fool me.”

“Fine. I managed to somehow end up with a veil-crosser.”

“Seriously? Cool. How did you manage that?”

“I called an ambulance.”

“You know we’re not meant to interfere.”

“It was them, they struck again. I couldn’t let it happen again.”

“I understand, but you still know the rules. If anyone found out you’d be doomed to stay there forever, unable to interfere anymore. You’re lucky that I’d be a hypocrite to tell them, if I was anybody else…”

“I know. And I need help. What can they do that I need to know about, and what do I need to teach them?”

“Firstly, you need to teach them about all of the aspects of death.”

“How am I meant to do that when I don’t know all of them myself? You refused to tell me more than angels, demons, ghosts and veil-breakers.”

“There are more, I’ll get my human to take the book to your room, and see if I can get him to talk to them, and teach them a bit. As for abilities, they depend on the person, you just need to wait for them to figure it out themselves. They only find them when they need them the most. It works on instinct, don’t force it.”

“Ok, thank you. It should be helpful. How are you getting on with yours?”

“Turns out he can give us temporary physical forms.”

“Is that how I could call the ambulance? Usually I can’t touch anything.”

“Probably.”

“Tell him thanks, if it was him. Also how is the asking out thing going?”

“Badly, I have tried so many times and it never worked. He’s just really oblivious.”

“Himbo?”

“Yes.”

“Ask him out straight. Well, since you’re gay, it wouldn’t be straight, but you know what I mean. Tell him outright that you want to date him.”

“I’ll try.”

“Keep me updated, I want to know if he accepts.”

“I will. I suppose I’ll speak to you later then?”

“Yes, of course.”

“Bye then.”

“Goodbye.”

I stayed in the bathroom a few minutes before making my way back into the bedroom. The first thing I noticed was that they were still asleep. “Good.” I thought, “At least they won’t be sleep deprived.” Then I noticed it- the door was ajar a crack. “Strange.” I thought. “I was sure I made them lock it.” That’s when I saw it. A singular eye, peering at them through the door, filled with a malicious intent I noticed instantaneously. I shivered. Bright blue with red streaks running through it- easily distinguishable and recognisable. It was the same eye I had seen 1 month ago, and again 10 years ago. They were back to finish the job. Gently, I used whatever power I could muster to push the door closed and lock it, leaning on it to make sure they couldn’t get in- I knew whoever it was had the keys. Quickly I remembered something Ashton had given me a while ago in case of a situation like this. Carefully, I fished a small silver charm with wood beads in white and yellow out of my pocket, and tied it around the door handle. Hoping it would work, I stepped away form the door. Their key turned in the lock, unlocking it again. I prepared for the worst, standing by the telephone- next to the door in case I could apprehend them.

“Bang! Bang! Bang!” screamed the door as they tried to force their way through the door, quickly realising it wouldn’t open by the handle, after trying the key in the lock a few times. Despite it being just wood, they were failing miserably. Glad to know Ashton’s charm worked. For he believed it was a protection spell, given to him by a god looking like a crow, but at the same time, he could tell it wasn’t really a crow. Why wouldn’t a god choose a crow to parade around as- I mean, it’s jet black, sleek and pretty, and supposedly very clever. As I always say, who am I to judge? At least I knew the charm worked, and we had something to protect us until I could convince Bee to but some more security stuff for the doors and windows- especially the hinges that have a pin to lock them so it doesn’t pivot. Those would be a godsend. Then we’d only have to worry about the strength of the glass and the door- easily fixable with the charm. With that plan set, I sat in the corner, next to the bed, and with a clear view of the door. I sat, planning out a security plan for next time, before eventually losing consciousness- something I didn’t know ghosts could do.

[blogofori]

This has been bugging me and stressing me out on and off since March, so I’m going to vent here.

So, there was this point in mid-March where my mom and dad got really fucking sick for two weeks. It took them several months to recover all the way. I’m like 50/50 on whether or not it was COVID. There were like, four separate sources that they could have gotten sick from that each have different chances of having been COVID. 

I’ll  list them from least to most likely to have been COVID. The first possible source was me, getting it from school maybe. This happened during a week-long break from school, but for a couple days I was sick with mild exhaustion and a runny nose. Since there were none of the classic COVID symptoms and runny nose is one of the few things that COVID doesn’t really cause, I’m going to assume that was a cold and if I had COVID, it was asymptomatic (I was 17 at the time, I am currently 18, and my only pre-existing condition is asthma, so that’s not an unreasonable assessment). The next possible cause of the disease was my mom. She works for marketing in Boeing, specifically in dealing with foreign airlines, so her and lot of the people she works with have to travel internationally a lot for work. That said, I don’t recall hearing anything about any of her coworkers getting sick around the same time she did. All of that said, both of these instances have some credibility by virtue of us living around Seattle, which got hit by COVID a little bit before the rest of America did because we have a high Asian population, so more people were going to an from China before COVID made it big world-wide. We also had an outbreak in a retirement home that was probably about a 20 minute drive from where I live, so COVID was definitely around where I live for at least a few weeks before lock-down orders started. The third candidate was my aunt, who was visiting from San Diego shortly before my parents got sick. Mom said she said she was feeling a bit sick before visiting. Considering I don’t know anything about the symptoms, she’s over 50 and obese, and it didn’t sound like she got super sick, it’s a huge not enough information, never will get enough information to guess. Then there’s my sister, who almost definitely had COVID. She has half public half private school. The private school was run by this jackass guy, who decided to ignore the CDC’s guidelines at the time to not travel to China for nonessential stuff. A bit later, there was an outbreak of people getting sick at her school and one of the teachers tested positive. While my sister did not get tested, she did get sick and was definitely exposed. That said, it’s still possible that she got COVID and didn’t spread it to anyone in the family because my family fucking hates each other. Like, the average amount of time per day I was spending within even 10ft of any given family member was around 30 seconds, and my sister’s even more cut off from everyone than I am. To the point where I didn’t find out that she was even sick in March until she told me about it in July. Given all of that, my sister’s in middle school and my parents had to drive her around a lot, so there’s still a very good chance they got sick from her. I’m also not 100% sure on the timeline of when she got sick vs when mom and dad got sick, but it was probably within two weeks of each other considering all of this happened in the same month. There’s also the point that mom and dad both tested negative for the “did you have corona” test, but those tests aren’t very consistent and they got tested in July, so it’s possible that they got two false negatives (my sister and I did not get the test).

The reason this is bothering me so much, other than my desire to just know, is that there was an unusually high amount of placing being gone to during the time period that people were sick. First of all, when I was first getting my cold symptoms, it was right at the start of a one week break for school. Normally that would mean I’d spend the entire week hanging out on my computer in this one isolated corner of the house, but not this week. This week my aunt and cousin were visiting for a few days. I largely didn’t do all of the outdoors stuff my dad was trying to force on me because I don’t like that stuff, I don’t like being around him, and I didn’t want to potentially worsen the cold and get more annoying symptoms. But there was one day where he spent fifteen minutes arguing with me and got me to go to the zoo with him and my aunt. It wasn’t a particularly popular zoo, but it did get people from places like New York, California, and so on. Anyways, that’s the amount of out that I was while symptomatic with cold. My parents didn’t start getting sick until after my aunt returned home. She said she did not get sick afterwards when I asked her about it. My mom decided to keep her distance from me when she realized she was sick. This might have been because of COVID news, it also might have been a reaction to January where everyone but me got sick except me because I told them I was quarantining. Either way, I didn’t get any symptoms of anything besides the cold. My dad also got symptoms. During the weekend, he asked me about my symptoms. I told him I had lighter symptoms than he had and they got worse when he made me go to the zoo. So he took that as validation that it was ok to teach children skiing, and to take my mom with him. Mom said she spent the entire time in the lodge laying down, probably coughing like crazy, and trying to keep people away from her. Afterwards, dad drove to Spokane, a town that’s about a day’s drive away. Dad still claims that he did nothing wrong, but at the time, I was mad at him because for making his “flu” worse for himself and mom, but the entire thing gets so much worse if he actually had COVID. Side note: I did bring up that I was upset with him for worsening his flu and that he shouldn’t have done that, mostly because I brought it up with my Therapist, who looked legitimately shocked and mildly horrified when I mentioned that to her because going skiing while sick with anything is a terrible idea. Anyways when I brought it up, dad claimed that he probably did have COVID but it’s ok because “children aren’t affected by it.” In July, I again brought up how that was a horrible thing to say, and he dismissed me by saying “it was a different time” and “I was already wearing a mask because I was skiing so it’s ok.” My mom got super sick after that and couldn’t really leave the couch or bed. That left me largely in charge of the food. I can’t cook. It’s something I probably should work on, but stuff like working with meat makes me anxious, and waiting for food to cook is boring and tedious. This is relevant because I decided to repeatedly bring food home while she was super sick. This was when the CDC was specifically telling people not to wear a mask, so I wasn’t wearing a mask. I was seeing the food people face to face. The only silver lining here was that people were beginning to worry about corona and I was showing up at the food places kinda late, so the places were eerily empty. Mom also had a work trip coming up where she was supposed to go to Ethiopia and Poland to meet with a bunch of people from a bunch of different countries. She went to the company doctor, but they didn’t test her or anything and just had her go even though she was pretty clearly sick with a cough and fever (it might have just been a cough by the time she went). So, Boeing did endanger the lives of several people they’re supposed to be working with. My dad got back home before she left, he doesn’t like to cook, so we were still eating out. We also ended up talking to a friend and trying to schedule a trip to Japan in July for the Olympics. He was still coughing. The friend was with his dad, who has a scarred lung and works in data science. That’s about when corona went on my radar as something to look out for. Meanwhile, during the week, my sister’s girl scout troop (I think?? It might have been something else) went on a field trip to Washington DC and into the White House. I’m still a tad disappointed that she didn’t infect the president then and there. Apparently one of the people who was supposed to go on the trip was too sick to go because of stomach issues or something. 

All of this is bugging me because I can’t shake off the feeling of guilt, anger, fear, confusion, and hurt from that week, even though it’s been over 6 months. If we had COVID, which is entirely possible, how many people got infected? At the time, my perceptions of COVID were more or less “oh, I guess it isn’t food poisoning” because that’s how little attention I was paying to it when this happened. I know a lot of what happened here wasn’t my fault for a variety for reasons and, by now, whatever I  did probably only have negligible affects on the pandemic even worst case scenario, but I can’t shake that feeling of guilt. I don’t understand why. I can’t shake the feeling of anger because no one has showed me much empathy or sympathy or such on the matter, the best I’ve gotten is people telling me to try and get over it. Which is on a scale between concern and defensiveness. Because of that, I can’t get over the anger I have towards my dad. Which is so exhausting that I can’t even be angry at the teacher who caused a COVID outbreak in his school or Boeing. The Boeing thing in particular probably should have been reported somewhere because what they did was horrible and objectionable, but now pretty much no one will know. I can’t get over the fear that someone died because of me or my family. The best I can do is remind myself that there is no proof that we even had COVID in the first place, but that uncertainty is also scary because I don’t know the consequences of my actions. Whether or not they were likely to have had serious negative repercussions or should just be taken as a warning. A warning that I haven’t been able to get my family to take. I can’t shake the confusion because I’ll never know for certain whether we even had COVID or just really bad luck with the flu. And I can’t get over the hurt because every time I’ve tried to even address it, I’ve just been told to shut up or get over it. 

The week or so after realizing that COVID is, in fact, a thing, my mind was racing in contradictory directions. It was painful just from the whiplash alone. The reactions from my teachers ranged from one teacher trying to circumvent the rules trying to protect from COVID to another teacher declaring it’s the apocalypse and demanding all students stay away from her (which was worsened by some students intentionally triggering her anxiety by breathing on her, which is fucked up for multiple reasons). There was also a lot of uncertainty around the school because the district’s policy regarding COVID was it wouldn’t shut things down unless someone tested positive except there weren’t any tests available. It was worsened by a story on the news regarding a neighboring district where someone did test positive, but they didn’t find out until right when they were enter their school’s building. That lack of available testing also meant that the case numbers counted were almost definitely an underestimate. My mom was on her work trip, which left me with my dad. He was beginning to claim that COVID couldn’t have been that big of a deal because people probably already got it in the masses and his and mom’s case “wasn’t that bad.” Remember, they were both basically bed ridden for at least a week, and it took them months to fully recover from the coughing. That’s bad. The amount of emotions I was feeling were overwhelming, one day I would switch between joking about “spreading the plague” and being terrified of doing exactly that, the next day I’d barely have the energy to feel anything. Then I found out that my therapist came down with a fever, and I lost contact with her (because I couldn’t figure out how to get the online stuff to work after the fact). My thoughts on my parents would fling between “I want to protect them at all costs” and “I hope they die” in under a day, and it would continue swinging back and forth like that for months before I lost the will to care anymore. 

The other day, I broke down in tears because I thought I might have a cold and it made me think of that week, or those few weeks. Turns out, I don’t have a cold, I just had a runny nose for three seconds. Every time I’ve tried to talk about it, I’ve been told to work it out or try to get over it, but I can’t do that on my own. All I can really do is try not to think about it until it comes crashing down again, but I know that’s impossible to maintain.

[pink-kitty-kela]

Avengers: Endgame (WARNING SPOILERS)

I watched Endgame last night. This is my personal opinion of the movie, you are more than welcome to have your own. Don’t like it? You are not obligated to read! 😉

☠☠☠ WARNING!! SPOILERS BELOW THE CUT, ENTER AT YOUR OWN RISK!!! ☠☠☠

☠☠☠ WARNING!!! ☠☠☠

☠ ~~ ENDGAME SPOILERS, ENDGAME SPOILERS, ENDGAME SPOILERS, ENDGAME SPOILERS, ENDGAME SPOILERS, ENDGAME SPOILERS, ENDGAME SPOILERS, ENDGAME SPOILERS, ENDGAME SPOILERS, ENDGAME SPOILERS, ENDGAME SPOILERS, ENDGAME SPOILERS, ENDGAME SPOILERS, ENDGAME SPOILERS, ENDGAME SPOILERS, ENDGAME SPOILERS, ENDGAME SPOILERS, ENDGAME SPOILERS, ENDGAME SPOILERS, ENDGAME SPOILERS! ~~ ☠

Hmm.

Now that I got that big spoiler wall out of the way, here goes my thoughts: 

Infinity War made me leave the theater speechless, looking like （＊〇□〇）……！

But after leaving Endgame, I was kinda like... ┐(ﾟ～ﾟ)┌  I think it may be because at the end of Infinity War, you don't know what to expect, and in Endgame, it was more like...conclusive? Like, there isn’t really anywhere else to go, except I guess... new generation Avengers. 

I’ll admit, someone was soft-spoiling me about the movie, so I unfortunately wasn’t going in as blind as I hoped. That kinda pissed me off the whole day, but whatever. Basically any emotional/sad ending scenes I was already expecting, so it really took the wind out of my sails. 

Anyways, Endgame wasn’t necessarily a bad movie, but it definitely pales in comparison to Infinity War. Was it a good conclusion for the last decade of Marvel movies? I kind of have a...resounding “Sure...” I feel neither overwhelmed or underwhelmed. Just...whelmed. 

Btw, RLM just released their Half-in-the-Bag about Endgame, and honestly, I agree with basically most of their review. 

I feel like the parts of the movie that were good were REALLY good, but the gripes/nitpicks/questions I have for the movie now... stick out.  

Let me get the positives out of the way:

Visuals and action scenes are top notch! And when everyone comes back (despite it being...a little too convenient??), it is a really epic ass moment, especially when Captain America FINALLY SAYS THE THING. 

I like how most of the characters had at least a scene of emotional closure. 

There were some witty jokes and one-liners did make me laugh! 

Morgan is cute! And teenager!Cassie is adorable! ...now I want cheeseburgers. 🍔

Even though I had issues with the time travel aspect of the movie, I did like the nostalgic flash backs to the previous movies, like the first Avengers movie. 

Honestly, the back and fourth between the Avengers was pretty spot-on. The Russo Brothers are really good at knowing how each and every character works. 

Uh...Spiderman coming back was pretty cool! No matter what he did, his interactions were always solid. 

Um...that’s it. 

Now I’ll move onto my gripes questions I had for the movie: 

The biggest issue in the movie, to me personally anyways, was definitely the TIME TRAVEL aspect. Now look, I’m not coming into Avengers expecting them to have the mechanics of time travel down like goddang Primer, but I was hoping for a decent, tight time traveling with little need for hand waving. 

The one thing I was kind of expecting was the alternate branches of timelines being a thing (with all the talk about quantum physics), but then they had to close the loop on one timeline... which is fine... but when Captain America stays in the past... that breaks the first rule they established of the Avengers being unable to change the past but only their future (hence why they were bringing the stones back to the future, snapping, and then returning the stones). Future Captain America going back to the past to spend his life with Peggy CHANGES the past, not to mention... wouldn’t there be... two Captain Americas running around?? 

...WHAT I’M TRYING TO SAY IS THAT THE TIME TRAVEL BEGAN TO BREAK IT’S OWN RULES FOR THE SAKE OF CLOSURE WHEN I PERSONALLY THINK STEVE ROGERS HANDING THE BATON TO SAM COULD’VE BEEN DONE BETTER WITHOUT IT BREAKING THE TIME TRAVEL RULES

Also, Iron Man and Antman screwing up and not getting the Tesseract cube thingy and having Loki escape breaks the past? Because??? In the first Avengers, Loki is captured with Thor, but....in this past he escapes?? I’m assuming he gets caught later on, but too late and that’s why Iron Man and Captain America have to execute plan B to get the Tesseract. That’s...fine... but it’s not mentioned in the movie... 

Okay, now that I think about it more, I think the movie threw out the “We can’t change the past” line just so people can’t be all like, why aren’t the Avengers preventing very bad things from happening like peoples’ deaths or terrorism or blah blah blah. Mainly because logically speaking, the Avengers traveling to the past at all changes the past period. But...I’ll let that slide, I guess... 

Another thing that kind of bothered me was Captain Marvel’s inclusion. It was the issue of Superman or Quicksilver in the Xmen movies - you can’t have too strong of an OP character in a movie, or...well, it’d be a very short movie. My issue, though, was that it felt that the reason she was out of the movie (planet tremors????) was kind of... flimsy?? I just think the Russo Brothers could’ve definitely 1) wrote her more interesting, 2) given her something to work with (flaws? personal conflict?? SOMETHING???)  

Also, another thing pointed out by RLM, how was Iron Man able to recreate a gauntlet that would hold all the Infinity Stones vs. Eitri (Peter Dinklage’s character in Infinity War) having to create very special, POWERED BY SUN gauntlet? Also, how was Iron Man’s own iron suit hand able to even hold the stones in the first place at the end, assuming it was an impromptu move...? 

ON THAT NOTE, why the F*CK didn’t Captain Marvel just use the gauntlet??? She was carrying it??? And (assuming how effing OP she is) she probably could’ve easily put it on and snapped her fingers. And probably say some stupid sassy one-liner like “Was that even hard you guys?” 😏 But I digress, I couldn’t stop thinking about this last night, all because now that I realize that she could’ve done that, it really took out the importance of Iron Man’s sacrifice. THERE WAS NO NEED FOR HIM TO DIE IF GOD DANG CAROL DANVERS JUST SNAPPED HER FINGERS?! Sorry. I’m upset. 

Speaking of OP, Thanos was WAYYYYYY too OP. Like...weirdly too OP for some big purple guy not having any of the Infinity Stones. I get that when Thor, Captain America, and Iron Man weren’t exactly at 100% when they first went up against him (they did just come crawling out of a bombed building), they should’ve easily took him down. Like I get that they kind of had to amp up his strength in the third arc to raise the stakes, but it took me out of the movie considering he had... zero stones. 

Speaking of OP, Scarlet Witch should’ve totally been able to take him out. She held her own when Thanos had four stones, and in Endgame, he had, as I remind you, none!

As cool as the big third act battle was, it was pretty cringey when all the girl superheroes got together and were basically like, “Girl Power!” Marvel...I get it. You love and respect women. You don’t have to lay it thick on the audience how cool the womens are. It just...felt unnecessary? 

Also wasn’t a fan of him being all like, “I’ll just recreate the universe!” So much for him being somewhat sympathetic at the end of Infinity War. I was kind of hoping for a bit of a twist where he realizes his mistake, but no, he has to be the big bad guy. I’m kinda with Jay from RLM, it’d be cooler if the conflict of the story was mostly on the time travel shenanigans without the need to drag Thanos back in. 

One personal gripe I have is I actually thought Hawkeye should’ve taken the sacrifice, not Black Widow. I love them both, and I did like the small callbacks they did in the first Avengers but I mean...so much for that Black Widow movie people were clamoring about. Also, they were super doubling down on that family he had that no one asked for so...yay, I guess. 😒

Speaking of closure, I’m kind of annoyed that there was actually zero mention of poor Vision. Which begs the question of how they’re going to...explain that in the Disney+ show. I guess you could say it takes place before he dies but...that’s kind of lame. 

Poor Peter Quill didn’t have to be done in like that! He barely recovered from losing everything he loved, and you make his love interest beat him up. 😒 That was a slap to the face to poor Starmora fans. Unless they found that funny, idk? 

I personally didn’t like how they handled Thor in this movie. It was fine in Infinity War, because while he had more the comedic bits, there was still brevity in his character. In Endgame, he’s literally a total joke and a butt monkey they entire time. I felt that no one had any real respect for him, and the times when his implied trauma and anxiety were brought up, it kind of turned into a joke?? And there wasn’t really a satisfying arc to his character, he was just know lame, schlubby, and funny? Like, if this was done with a female character, no one would be laughing and also there would be riots on the streets imo. I’m not one of those people screeching “fatphobia” but I really didn’t like how Thor was handled. I get that he’s better off as a comedic character, but they went too far with hi in those terms. I’m fine with him leaving to go with the GotG, but it’s annoying that they didn’t even bother bringing Sif back, wtf.

The tone of Endgame as a whole was starting to feel almost like Age of Ultron, where the balance between funny/witty began to outweigh against the seriousness of the situation.  

Also, while I did like the send-off they gave to Iron Man, it was really jarring how... conveniently everything turned out when the 50% population just suddenly CAME BACK TO EXISTENCE. Like... Peter coming back to high school presumably only a few weeks/months after coming back? And the high school looks practically brand new and intact??? At the beginning of the movie, the shots all over the world look practically post-apocalyptic. Sending everyone back won’t solve everything, there would still be chaos you guys. 

Obviously these are just QUESTIONS that I don’t have answers to, so if you do, let me know! 

Like...I’m understanding of the passing the baton thing. The actors all the way from Phase One are basically retiring, so they’re gearing up to casting the new Avengers. That’s fine. I just...wasn’t a fan of the “things happening because plot” thing that I felt happened more than twice in the movie.

It kind of felt the same as when I left The Last Jedi, where the more I thought about it, the more things started to not make sense, even though I was at least entertained in the theater. 

My poor SO, he was feeling a bit pessimistic after the movie. He says while he does find Marvel movies enjoyable, they’re no longer exciting as they were a few years ago. I remember being so excited to see Captain America: Civil War and Guardians of the Galaxy on opening night a few years back, but now, we watched Thor: Ragnarok on DVD and didn’t even bother with Captain Marvel.

I think we’re kind of tired of the “Marvel Formula.” It’s fine that people still enjoy Marvel movies, but they’re all starting to become...samey. Predicticable? And all the female characters are starting to be all samey as well. Sassy, witty, and sorta annoying. It’s like Disney doesn’t know how to make decent female characters that aren’t sassy and/or into science. It’s kind of boring now. Also please Disney I’m begging you no more woke millennial humor please

I didn’t mean to go on a rant, I still honestly like Marvel movies and it’s great how far we’ve come. I’m just annoyed that Endgame was more messier than I’d like, and I didn’t get enough closure from the whole cast, despite it being a 3-hour movie. I think at the very end, despite the big battle scene, I was really feeling the bloat from so many characters all in the Marvel universe.

I’ll probably give Avengers: Endgame a 7.6/10. I would tell people to go watch it, but I’ll probably meme about it for a few days, then be done with it. Unlike Infinity War, I don’t really feel compelled to rewatch it again.  

That being said, I’m totally rooting for DC to give Disney a run of their money. Shazam was awesome, 10/10!!