#just my thots and prayers

[louroth]

Hello everyone :> 

It's been a month! it's incredible how much my life has changed- while I'm still adjusting I'm just...still walking on clouds. it feels unreal. the patreon took off and I can almost make a living wage on it which is frankly fucking insane, and the discord is so vibrant it scared me for a moment (not anymore- shooting the shit with the people there is the favorite part of my day, even if I sometimes just leave a trail of emotes lskjdhajksdhkjasd.) I couldn't have asked for a better community. YES I am crying about it. Thank you, so, so much. I am cradling your face in my hands. crying.

But as always, enough of my bleeding heart. Let's get to it!

The first two weeks after posting the update, I took a sort of quasi vacation and only wrote a handful of story-words each day, and spent some time fooling around in the discord + brushed off my smut archive to refine for Patreon. There are already 4 stories up, and a new one coming tomorrow- though I haven't decided yet whether it will be possessive/jealous L sfw short or one very nasty short where you come across a particularly insistent species of vines while trekking the forest. hehe. we'll see. >:3

But, even though I had to rest not to combust after work, I am very pleased to say that the next chapter is coming along great, with the skeleton finished for its entirety, and about 45% and some change already written (it's very hard to gauge because I jump around a lot when I write.) This is the final chapter before the forest, filled with action and the heart wrenching drama of offering tenderness to a certain someone, and deciding for your hunter when enough is truly enough. I have teared up writing certain scenes and I genuinely cannot wait for you to experience this next part yourselves. 

It is so funny reading things I wrote for this chapter six months ago, or longer, because I knew exactly what emotions I wanted to bake in and couldn't really nail it, but now it is coming together beautifully! Sure, it will still be wonky first draft writing, but the core is there and that is all that matters for now. I'm saying soon™ for the update for now, because I am allowing myself to adapt to writing full time- I didn't quit my job to become my own nightmare boss, and I truly want to enjoy this process. I think, in the long run, it will result in a better story. Patience is my mantra. All in due time- I cannot force quality creative work. But by everything wretched and sinful, I cannot wait to share this next part with you!!! I'm frothing at the mouth!!!

In other news, y'all. I need to get organized. I get heartburn thinking about all the different variations of files and notes and notebooks and scraps of paper and variables and branches of plot and just generally, the things to keep track of is getting to the point of a dragon hoard of scary 'oh no I forgot about that part'. I'm gritting my teeth through it until this chapter is out, but after it, I am going to spend some time to

 1) get my shit together in gorgeous, beautiful spreadsheets

2) get serious about finding beta- and proofreaders. (me @ u: 🥺)

But that's it, my friends! I scrapped an entire progress report because I started sounded corporate and listing points which was just... sad. I really hope I evolve into writing these in a more fun way, which would make them more fun for you to read too! But for now, I think this will do. I hope you have a beautiful day/night, and if you would like to see more in depth dev-logs of my writing life, or random sneak peeks, I post those weekly on patreon!

Or join our discord, which. It's just the nicest place, I can't even come up with words that do it justice. It's my favorite daily newspaper.

Until next time! x

[bondibee]

Going to sleep with wet hair before a job interview so they get the rawest version of me

[djservo]

girl, i need them, i need the bros, i missed them too much, give us some visuals, more canon stories like the knox and bell one

to fill up our sad days, I'm begging you

such yearning poetic structure here wow I kiss you on the head.... best I can visually offer you in these trying times is the bros as pixel dollz 👩‍⚖️

[mildmayfoxe]

bro… i’m going to the doctor’s tomorrow. fucked up if true

[ragedagainst]

did a second round of interviews for another job this morning so i would rlly appreciate your thoughts and prayers and manifestations!! 🔮🧘🏻‍♀️🧿🕯🔮💫🌈✨🧘🏻‍♀️🌌👁️‍🗨️🥼🕊🧊🌿💨🧼🍥🕯🍥🧼💨🌿🧊🕊

[worshipbeginsontheknees]

Thots and prayers for the day:

After a long, hard, stressful day in the world outside of this little piece of real estate I don't have elaborate words or thoughts. The opposite, in fact. I just want nothing more than a hand around the the throat, snuffing out the non-stop ticker tape of the mind. Just shut down my brain for a little bit. Not long. Just... long enough.

Let me flirt with losing consciousness. Yank my pants down, grip my hip and force me upward on tiptoe. Slam me into the wall as we connect. Pin me there. Let me feel my palms on paint. Make it hurt. Dig crescent moons into my skin and let it break under the pressure. Sink teeth into my shoulder, taste my stress.

Be unyielding. Be a destructive force of nature. Destroy me. Impale me. Fill me. Take that hand between my legs, torture me there. Make me cry. Make me beg. Make me plead. Faster. Faster. Faster. Crush against me as you slam upward and I feel you piston inside. Quicker. Quicker. Quicker.

Then you give permission. I break. I break. I break. Only then are you free to flood me within, to hit that factory reset that was necessary. To wipe away the day and replace my problems with only your presence. Just make it better. Wipe the slate clean. Even if only for this moment.

[phansterdam]

just. one more week. one more week and i'm free if i can just get through this week. aaaaaaaaaaaa

[blurred-antics]

me to my partner as he's abt to leave for work this morning. his work being outside. all day. in the elements: hey, lemme get your jacket; its supposed to rain—

him: nah it's okay :) it's finished raining for the day, i checked :)

me, deciding *fuck it* bc he's going to be late as is: okay! whatever you say! if it rains I don't wanna hear about it :))

~later, texting~

him: Why is it raining 😭😭😭

[currentlyonstandbi]

saying yes to going bouldering with a friend despite my bad back and fear of heights 🤡👍

[roszabell]

i need to get my shit together fr, im j a freshman but i slid into quite a few important classes for my minor/career track that i need to get at least a B in to get into grad school, so that’s fun!!! i’m just falling behind and in my important psych class i keep underestimating it and making dumb mistakes. i have my commissions done now which was a lot of what was stealing my attention but i’ve only got a month to get these one or two C grades up and i’m nervyyyyyyyyyyy

[edens-pen]

having a crush on a white man during black history month is so loser girl of me, like no this is embarrassing

[daxwritesstories]

Bruh I have to get something done for work and then I have class for 3 hours afterwards which means if I want to actually write today I’ll have to sit in front of my laptop allllll day

[aqpippin]

i think i watch kendall gender’s proposal video like once a week it’s so 🥹🥹🥹🥹

[oqal]

[applesconez]

wading in the gif trenches looking for stills of the mw2 cast so i can redeem myself

[atsvmi]

spent two weeks with my bf and now i’m back home :((((((