#just praying my car is okay bc there is nothing more stressful to me ;-;

[hythlodaes]

:c

[tinyyoungblood]

hi!! adore your work love. could you maybe do smth where stark!reader has to get her wisdom teeth out but HATES the dentist so she brings her boyf peter and her dad w her?? and then when they get home the avengers are all waiting with like comical amounts of flowers and stuffed animals and then reader says some funny shiii and thor thinks she’s like dying lol. idk if that made sense but i’m getting my wisdom teeth out soon and i’m scared😭 thank u so so much love u babe

pairing: peter parker x stark!reader

a/n: tysm lovely :,) i rushed through this like my life depended on it, but i hope i’m not too late. either way, i hope you’re okay! it’s frightening but those bad boys gotta go because we don’t need that kind of energy in our lives. enjoy x

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

wisdom teeth? more like wisdoom

y/n has to get her wisdom teeth removed and it’s the singular most dreadful thing she’s ever had to do, which says a lot because her dad is tony richling stark

doing dreadful things she doesn’t want to do but still somehow end up doing just because she can is a personality trait at this point

no one really makes a big deal out of it since ~death~ is part of their job description, but y/n is terrified

and when a stark is terrified the only thing that will keep them one step from insanity is researching the hell out of it

that information will be info dumped into every conversation for the next few weeks leading up to the appointment

“y/n you need anything from the store?” "no thanks, did you know the side effects of getting your wisdom teeth out include ✨sudden death or blood clots✨ tho” “……..i have a coupon?”

the day of the appointment, peter comes along and literally doesn’t let go of y/n’s hand. he keeps touching her to let her know that he’s there and it’s so. adorable

he would rest his hand on her knee, gently stroke her back while holding her, or just play with her hair

happy drops them off and he’s too Cool™ for emotions but he knows y/n’s a wreck, so he just fist bumps her with a single nod and she almost breaks down bc it’s really affectionate

y/n is sitting in the dentist chair and genuinely nothing is happening yet, but she’s squeezing peter’s hand like it’s a sponge

peter might have a high pain tolerance but he’s in pain pain and he prays that his hand won’t just explode on him

the dentist notices how peter tries to keep it together and chuckles

“you okay there, son?” “yea it’s fine, had a better time when a building fell on me tho haha” “pardon?” “oh i mean i didn’t have a good time, i just had a better time”

because y/n is running Anxious Town™, the dentist gives her a sedative to help her relax 

plus, an injection of local anaesthetic to numb the tooth and surrounding area

she doesn’t feel anything and it’s GREAT

the procedure is quicker than expected and now the real fun begins

she tries to walk but she falls down so peter scoops her up bridal style and happy stays glued at her side

y/n doesn’t mind although she literally doesn’t recognise them and they’re practically strangers to her

but girly sees an opportunity and tries to flirt with peter bc why wouldn’t she

“you’re pretty” *blushes* “why thanks” “you should let your girlfriend know” “i should let her know i’m pretty?” “so you do have a gf? :(” “yea it’s you” “:)”

they stop for gas and peter goes in to get some water for y/n, and in her infinite wisdom, she decides it’s burger time

her mouth is completely numb and she’s practically leaving a trail of drool behind her, but she’d kill for a burger right now

so she wobbles around aimlessly for an hour on some random parking lot as if the ground might just magically open up like a rabbit hole and lead her to five guys

she’s going places. not back to the car. definitely not five guys. they’re closed. but places

peter finally finds her and he’s drenched from head to toe in sweat. he doEsn’T wAnt tO tALk abOut iT tho so she lets him take her to subway instead

normally, she would know that peter’s usual subway order is bread-lettuce-jalapeño

but in her drugged-up state, it had simply slipped her mind so now she’s staring at him like he’d just murdered someone right in front of her

“that- that’s your order?? no meat or anything just bread, lettuce, and a little spice?”

meanwhile at the compound, sam and steve are ordering everyone around bc they want to decorate this place before y/n gets home to surprise her

they take it very seriously too. they’ve watched like one HGTV show and said it’s our time

they finally get home and tony gives y/n a big hug, asking her what took so long

happy tells him that she was keen on getting burgers bc apparently someone has taught her that stressful times call for ~cheeseburgers~

he proceeds to look at tony with a pointed look

tony just shrugs and goes “she was a problem child. we don’t mention her dark past”

she’s swaying on the spot and keeps grinning like a fool and thor just stares at her weirdly before elbowing bruce and whispering loudly,

“what’s wrong with her? is she dying? should i start collecting leaves, i know this remedy—"

no one can tell if y/n is just happy to see the newly decorated home or if she’s just delighted to see everyone but then she goes around hugging the entire team

she doesn’t even acknowledge the sky-high pile of teddy bears and flowers everywhere bc she’s just squeezing everybody

y/n is so high, she just starts to spill all of her feelings about everyone and they’re already so overwhelmed by the hug chain they can’t take this too

“wanda i just want you to know that you’re like my big sister and you’re always taking care of me and i know you and vision are just going to make such good parents one day”

“bucky you absolute PRICK, you FIEND, you’re the best chess player ever and that’ll never change and i wouldn’t be good without you, i hate to say it but you deserve happiness even after you made me lose five times in a row yesterday”

“dad, you’re so strong and smart, even though we’re like never on the same page, you’re always along for the ride, i want to be like you when i grow up, i swear i’m gonna try to be as good to the avengers as you were to us” “aww- wait makes you think i'll be the first to die“

“nat you’re such a bitch about your protein shakes but you’re my best friend and i wouldn’t have it any other way, you can try out as many make up looks on me as you want”

“bruce, brucey, i would live with you in your lab for the rest of my days if i had to, whenever you ask me to hand you stuff i feel useful and important”

“laura’s way out of your league clint i have no idea how the fuck you got her but don’t lose her and i want to be your next child’s godmother”

“steve…we’re your family now. we’re always gonna be your family now. okay?”

“loki you’re not fooling anyone with your attitude, we all know you’re part of the family, you were just misunderstood and messed up bc of your dad–FUCK him by the way–but i realised everyone deserves as many chances as they need because of you”

“sam i would genuinely kill anyone who wronged you, even if they cut you in line at the grocery store, i would knife them no hesitation”

“thor, you poor golden retriever have been through so much, on my way here i made a wish on an eyelash for you bc you deserve better, your postcards always make my day, love you”

she mumbles something to peter that no one else can hear but he blushes and chokes back a sob

y/n orders hot soup and bucky brings it to her but before he even has time to react peter drops everything and ZOOMS across the room in .3 seconds

he barrels into bucky so hard they both go flying, but peter just smoothly rolls out of it and onto his feet like some kind of super ninja

“DUDE WHAT THE HELL” “😠 y/n is not supposed to drink hot liquids 😠”

all of this happens in mere seconds but sam has filmed it all and now slow mo clips go viral online of some mysterious kid knocking over the winter soldier

y/n’s a little in and out after that, but when she fully regains consciousness, she’s on a pile of blankets, surrounded by the team on the floor <3

* * *

let me know if this is actually comforting lmao stay hydrated pals

hc masterlist

[yyxgin]

a lot has happened at work recently!! but who cares bleh. libra season!!! which means bday celebrations!! except i’m at work BOO 👎 and my two assistant managers have officially left (i’m helping them move on wednesday) and they were probably the only two who knew when my bday was apart from my supervisor but he’s gone to a different branch to train to be an assistant manager before coming back so i’m super bummed bc now i have to deal w al the new staff by myself 😭

also one of the ladies in kp read my palms?? and she told me i spend too much money impulsively which isn’t false… but i have to spend money impulsively or if spend none at all (which is good for saving ig) but i’d also be doing nothing other than working and that would make me sad lol. she also told me bc i’m a libra this month i’ll be unlucky with love but lucky with money so 🥺🙏🙏 i was having a relatively bad day that day so she was cheering me up n all of that.

did i tell you when my txt and skz albums came, they also came like a week or two later (again) bc they’d accidentally doubled up my order? it was like heaven with skz bc changbin baby is my ult n he was in some of the pulls for the second album 🥵🥵 the limited edition of no easy confuses me bc it’s not like the last one of theirs i bought and typically groups stick to a style when they design albums like mamamoo are all in these cute magnetic flip box thingies and nct’s are all little books type things as well as txt’s but skz switched it up and there’s a fair bit of loose stuff? but it’s okay bc i have two posters n all of the mini flip card things for the members and some bangchan (i’m gifted in pulling chan).

im also hopefully getting a car?? the barman hasn’t gone to prison yet bc the court keep moving his sentencing date(s?) so when i discussed this w my mum she said they’ll probably throw it out and relief filled me!! but ik i shouldn’t be so hopeful but at the same time it’s like why would you mess someone around so much? anyway i’ll move on, i wanted to drop him home in my car bc he deserves a lift everyday what a sweetheart❣️ my co-worker facetimed me today as it was my day off and i said hi to everyone it was so heartwarming to see everyone missing me but also not bc my manager overworks me and he knows that after this weekend 💉🩸

im jumping about with my points and things i want to say but i’m horrible at internet friends so this is okay for me as recently i’ve just not had energy for any friends which is awful of me but i’m still trying to find the balance between work and social. also everyone’s gone to uni and i’m just chilling. i like my life.

i want to redecorate my room. i don’t like the vibe other than when people compliment my kpop wall bc it’s a bunch of my art and then other peoples art and i thoroughly enjoy decorating w pictures and stickers and stuff but it’s literally just a door and it’s depresses me that my happiness is reduced to the back of a singular door now. i want to redo the vibe in my room and make it more me. i’ve never felt comfortable until recently and even now i’m going back to feeling uncomfy now that i know i want it a certain way and to give a certain vibe. idk, maybe it’s bc i watched sex education and seeing lily’s room in the most recent season (i won’t say much more in case you are watching/haven’t seen it yet) really made me realise i want to love myself and love the space i create for myself more. do you enjoy your space you’ve created for yourself? i always feel like peoples rooms say a lot about them as a person but how they see their room in their own eyes always says more.

i want to ask loads of questions and am awful at asking them so please just tell me everything i missed or should be updated on!! ily, always

~ 🌻

LIBRA SEASON !!! omg did i ask you when's your bday ?? i hope i didn't miss it. >:( happy birthday !!!! you deserve so much love. also, i'm sorry about your managers leaving. dealing with new staff is hella stressful and i hope you don't have to have too much responsibility and nerves <3

ooh palm readings are hella interesting. i've never had one but i think i'd like to try. spending money impulsively isn't a bad thing, if it's not an irresponsible spending. and if it is,, well who cares. yolo. i feel you on that tho, bc even tho i am really stingy w money, sometimes i just buy stuff i don't need and act on impulse.

OMG THAT IS A DREAM ?? getting free albums ?? (at least i hope they were free lmao). i like it when groups stick to one type of packaging although i must say i dont like the book thingies nct uses bc there is no magnetic part so it falls apart on my shelf and i hate that. i acutally like the sleeve packaging txt's albums have ?? everyone seems to bitch abt it on tiktok but i find it the most conveniet. also i'm glad changbin came home to you <3

YAAAY TO THE CAR !! AND ALSO TO YOUR COWORKER. i am praying he won't have to go, then, i am really hopeful. he is a sweet soul and doesn't deserve that. pleeease don't put up with your boss overworking you. take care of yourself :(

YOURE NOT HORRIBLE AT INTERNET FRIENDS we are besties. okay ??? and its totally okay to have no energy for friends as well, bc as you can see, i am struggling as well recently. it took me so long to reply to this ask and i feel so bad but it is what it is :// social battery has been low and i am busy with studying and work and trying to put my shit together. i am rooting for you !! <3

go for the decorating !! i actually haven't watched sex education and am not planning on watching so i dont really understand what you mean, but i hope you get to create a space for yourself when you feel free and comfortable. i share a room with my brother so its kind of difficult to decorate it how i want it, but i honestly like sharing a room tbh. he's not here half the time anyway so it's good to see him at least when we go to sleep lmao. but i have a bunch of stuff in my corner that are kpop and my side is full of plants, so i feel good surrounded by them hihi. i like it here.

i don't have many updates. i am actually living a very boring life, so i have nothing to share. preparing for graduation exams has been making me anxious and also depressed with everything that's been going on lately, but it's okay. i'll pull myself together <3 i love you a lot, take care !! i missed you

[midnightzephyr]

#4

like all weekends, my best friends and i would always go out and spend nights in a place located somewhere we all don’t know. a place that is distant from where we stayed in. somewhere vacant, with nothing but the ground and the sky, and the stars and the galaxy.

that one night was tiny bit different. apart from the guys brought girls along, and i wasn’t one of them. i was sort of lonely, even though i had the other guys with me. it just felt wrong somehow. it felt as if i should have brought my own girlfriend, a person whom i could snuggle and hug and pepper kisses all over without being judged.. but melancholically, i don’t even have a girlfriend. girls just didn’t want me more than just a friend. or maybe my standards are just too high.. i don’t know.

three of the guys had their girlfriends glued to their sides with arms wrapped around their waists, and the leader of the whole group brought his little sister. the thing that wasn’t magnificent was that the group of girls tagged along another one, another best friend to complete the whole squad of five. she wasn’t dating any of the single members, and it just so happens that i’ve always been in love with her.

basically the seven of us guys and the five girls, rode two vans driven by the ones we all trusted the most. i would have got into the truck we guys took on our way to meet the girls, but it ended up in a jumbled mess. the girlfriends sat with their boyfriends, and the leader’s little sister was elsewhere. i was startled when there were no seats left in that van, but i guess it was for the good.

i sighed and hung my head low as i trudged my way to the other vehicle, feeling worn out even before the trip even started. i kicked the air, honestly i didn’t even have a clue why i was so upset. it wasn’t the end of the world, i know.. but i just really didn’t feel like i was in the spirit to have fun. not at that time.

i reached the other van, it was placed merely ten feet from the other one, but it sure felt as if i walked ten miles. i grabbed the door and pulled it open, scanning around the vehicle for the best seat. i had multiple choices, there were a lot of empty seats in this van. i kept on glancing at the empty seats, i couldn’t make up my mind until..

“can’t you hurry up?“ james snorted and started the engine.

i wasn’t always the one who gets surprised the most, but his voice was so strangely loud i felt like my heart dropped. i got into the van and before i could even place my bum properly on a seat, he drove off in the speed of 100 km/h. who even drives that fast when you just started getting on the road?

i crashed onto an empty seat, but unlucky me, half of my body was pressed against someone. the upper half of my body pressured on the person beside me. she jumped in surprise, and i swore to myself i could have gotten my dick cut off if this girl was anyone’s girlfriend.

the movements in the van were inhumanly insane and i kept on hitting against the window, and to her. i couldn’t even sit up straight, not until the car slowed down on the highway to track down the other vehicle. that freak.. what was he thinking? did he want us all to die?

i finally got the chance to sit up and straighten myself. i brushed my hair off my forehead in annoyance and grunted in slight moodiness. i was mad, but crashing in the seat beside the window was a great thing. i held the sill before sliding the windoe open. the midnight breeze felt amazing, and the scent of the grass filled my nostrils. it was beautiful, the moon shone brightly and i’ve never thought it could be that ethereal. it was.. amazing. and it felt so close to me that i could just touch it, and feel it with the tips of my fingers.

but then i felt soft eyes pierce my head behind me. that’s when i realize that i should apologize to her, to the person i caused so much pain just because i couldn’t get a grip of myself.

i closed my eyes as i turned my head, praying to god she wasn’t anyone’s girlfriend or sister. but i prayed harder hoping that girl wasn’t her.. wasn’t the one that has a hobby of making my heart race. that would be so embarrassing.. ah i’m already blushing at the thought of her face.

i opened my eyes, and the first thing i saw were her irises. her dark eyes, reflecting the moonlight beautifully. i could see myself mirrored in her orbs, and no one can deny that she is the most beautiful creature god has ever created.

she was looking at the moon too, like what i was doing. it was rather stupid of me to think that she actually was looking at me, but when i stared in her eyes unintentionally, her pupils moved and focused on me. her head tilted slightly so it was aligned parallel with mine. our lips were far apart, but i was nervous as if she was close enough to kiss.

i attempted to apologize for the chaos, but my words choked me and i had trouble breathing for a split second. she got worried, her hands flew upwards and held me by the sides of my face. i didn’t know what she was trying to do, but all i knew is that the person i love is holding me tenderly, looking at me in the eyes with worrisome. i cannot not love her, she’s the greatest.

she asked me if i was okay, and i, unaware of what i was doing, remained still and stared at her. she repeated her voice, and finally i snapped back to reality. i nodded and gulped in the piling saliva in my throat before sitting myself back on the seat like any sane person would. this sure is going to be a long trip.

she giggled, and god i hope nobody had any superpowers that could read minds and hearts bcs i swore my heart skipped a beat. her laugh.. oh her gentle voice. i was so weak, and defeated. i was so in love i could honestly drown in a pool of her voice.

i stammered an apology. it was so hard to even say anything, ah i was a mess. i could feel it in my bones.

she pulled her hand and draped it on her thigh, intertwining with her other hand and squeezing them together. she replied saying it was okay. i knew it was not. at least i thought it was not. my heavyweight body pressed on her and crashed on her so suddenly, i was sure she was culture shocked by it.

i tried to maintain a relaxed posture and an empty mind, i tried my best to not tilt my head to my right and stare at her unknowingly. it was hard, and i was just so pressured by it but i knew i had to it in order for me to not seem like somekind of freakish stalker.

i stared outside the window, my eyes roamed across the empty road. the flowers were colourful even though it was dark. the moonlight reflected beautifully against the surface of the sea. the waves hit the shore rhythmically, and the smell of the cold midnight breeze was amazing. i couldn’t wait to get out of the van and lay on the sand. i missed nature, i missed being able to love and think about it freely. it had been a week, and it was torturous for me to be hooked up in the studios. but my stresses were getting lifted, my shoulders were coming to an ease and i can finally smile a distressed smile.

the sight was as beautiful as her. i still remember the first time i have ever encountered her beautiful smile. it was the greatest thing that has ever happened to me, it also felt as if all my sins were washed away. she was that beautiful. the instant my eyes landed on her, i was loss for words. i choked on my drink when she first started a conversation, it was embarrassing and she laughed at me. but i knew that she knew she was beautiful.

it all started on that one day. daniel wanted to go to a coffee shop that morning to have a fun talk with his little sister since she was busy with her college life and he was busy in the studio. at that time i woke up to pee, but the water was so insanely cold i couldn’t fall asleep because my goosebumps were so high up it nearly touched the sky. he invited me along, and i supposed why not. i needed something to warm me up, and coffee should do the trick.

i bought espresso for myself, and daniel bought his own drink with a bagel. we sat down on a table of four, sitting side by side because he wanted her sister to seat opposite him. i didn’t care, i mean i was just there for coffee anyways.

it took her a couple of minutes to arrive, and daniel stood up to squeeze her in a hug. i was staring outside the window, until she greeted me and told me to get up. i was lazy, she knew how i was anyways so i was rather annoyed that she wanted me to stand up. however my instincts tingled saying to just get up, so i did it anyways.

she grabbed me by the elbow and dragged it in front of someone. she wore a pinkish peach cardigan, with a white shirt and white jeans. daniel’s little sister said my name, and another name. and i didn’t notice she was introducing us to each other until she grabbed my hand. all i knew was that her eyes are pretty, and her smile is too.

she grabbed my hand rather gently, and shook it a couple of times. her skin was so soft, and i didn’t have a clue anyone’s skin could feel that feather-like. it was as if she touched the clouds, and the essence of it seeped through her tissues. although logically i’ve never held a cloud in my life, but i know they are soft. the gases combined made it look like cotton, gentle cotton. and i wouldn’t need to wish to touch the clouds, all i need was to wish i could hold her hands.

i sat down and scooted to the window, giving space for my great friend to sit. she sat in front of me, her hands were grasping each other against the table. she had a couple of bracelets on, and the scent of her captivated my smell buds. i could barely smell the scent of the espresso anymore even if i place the lip of the cup against my philtrum. the smell of roses and jasmines, god.. she drove me insane.

she started a conversation, and she asked me the things no one has ever asked. she wanted to know about what my opinion on flowers, and what were my favourites. i didn’t know what to say, since it was a rare question and particularly i didn’t have a huge admiration for flowers. i didn’t want to say the truth of my not liking it, since she seemed so in love with plants and i just couldn’t cope with seeing her smile fade. so i ended up saying i liked it, and flowers are my escape even though honestly that will never be true.

she grew eager to know about my favourite plant was. i was reluctant in answering, i was afraid that flower didn’t even exist. i told her my favourite was.. what is it called? uh.. it starts with a c, and ended with a sis.. the name was so scientific, i was sure i just blurted that name because i couldn’t think. but then she said the flower suits me. she said coreopsis held the meaning of always cheerful, and that’s what i am.

ah.. that’s the name. coreopsis. i guess she mentioned the non-scientific name, but i forgot. i think it’s called thickseed? yeah, something like that.

she told me her favourite ones were mostly white. i forgot their names, but they held sincere and pleasant meanings. truthfully i didn’t know what she meant about the meanings of these plants, or whether she goes to classes or writes a dictionary about it. she seemed to know it all, and as she spoke her knowledge, i fell in love deeper and deeper.

the only thing i remembered was that she said someday she wants someone to send her a bouquet of baby breaths, nothing much, just that. she told me it meant everlasting love, and she told that it would be beautiful to have someone as thoughtful as that in life.

day by day, we talked more. she knew me by heart and in the end she got to know that flowers weren’t my actual escape. but she wasn’t furious, she was rather delighted. she wanted to tell me more about plants, and the beauty behind the language of flowers, as long as i was willing to listen. it was her anyways, i couldn’t resist. of course i was willing to listen and pay attention. her voice was as sweet as honey, and i could get diabetes if honey could bring diseases.

i grew more in love with her, and somehow a couple of months, or years maybe, we parted. she went abroad, to continue studying language and graduating in england. she changed her number, she didn’t contact me anymore. i would have asked daniel’s sister, but i was afraid if it turns out that she was done with me. i was afraid she didn’t want me to know more about flowers, and literature. so i avoided. but until this day, this exact second, the moment she’s sitting beside me again.. i still loved her the same. perhaps even more than before. she was right there by my side in the tight area inside the van.

the loud noises from the others in the van muted down as they all drifted to sleep. i, wasn’t even a glimpse tired. my eyes were wide open and my brain was fully functioning. i was sure the only ones awake were me and james. she was lightly snoring beside me, and i didn’t even have to glance at her face to know she still looks drop dead gorgeous even with saliva drooling down her chin.

the vehicle came to a stop, and the other van parked right beside ours. i looked outside the window, and adam was there grinning and raising his eyebrows. that jerk couldn’t be even more stupid, i was already embarrassed having to sit beside my beautiful girl the whole ride, and here he was poking me over the edge of a cliff. my cheeks were burning, it felt as if i was a volcano that was about to blast.

everyone woke up just before we stopped, so it didn’t require me cooing her name and shaking her gently to make her eyelids flutter open.

we got down and took our bags. i didn’t know where mine was since i wasn’t the one loading them. i went to the boot of the van i rode, but there were only tents and hammocks. who even brought that? there weren’t even trees here.

eventually i got my hands on my bag and helped them carry the tents and food. the guys built the tents and campfire while the girls gathered the food. i don’t have a clue what time it was, but i knew it was late enough for the temperature to drop low. it was freezing, and she couldn’t handle the cold. i knew it, i always caught her shivering.

the girls cooked and served, and we ate in our sleeping bags because it was too cold. it was really cold.. i had two jackets on and i still shuddered as the temperature hit my bones. i glanced at her, her small hands were pale and she held her meal in shaking hands. i just wanted to pull her tight in a hug, but she was stones away from me. ugh.

i tried my very best not to stare at her and instead join the conversation they all were having. but i couldn’t help it. sure, i was a laughing dumbass through the night, but i constantly caught myself glancing at her to take a glimpse of her beauty. why am i like that honestly?

after finishing our food and cleaning up, everyone took place and laid down in their sleeping bags. we all watched the sky, staring at the constellations and making out possible shapes. like there was one that looked like a horse one of our friends pointed out, and i spotted a combination of stars that looked like lily’s small hands.

slowly, each and one of them fell asleep. i was the last one, even though i didn’t get any sleep in the van but again.. i wasn’t even a glimpse tired. i smiled to myself, i was glad i could finally lay under the blanket of stars again. it’s great, i really felt alive at that time.

i glanced to my left and saw caitlin curled up in a ball beside adam. they always did that unknowingly, and when the guys and i told them how they sleep together, they protest. if only i could take a picture and prove it to them.. but i was too lazy to get my phone. it was in our bags inside the tents and i was already comfortable in my sleeping bag. guess i just really couldn’t care to bother.

i tilted my head to my right, and i saw her. my girl. well okay.. the girl i wished i could call mine. she was hugging her knees, and was leaning in my way. i don’t know how i could not notice that.. how in the world could i not even notice her body being inches away from leaning against mine? i didn’t even know she was laying down beside me.. what the fuck was wrong with me?

her eyes were closed and her lips were apart. her nose was slightly red, and so did her cheeks. she was cold and freezing. she was asleep, i knew that she was already in deep depths of her dreams, so i didn’t hesitate to turn my body and face her.

i laid on my side, my right arm folded and tucked under my head while my left arm hung low on my waist. i admired her beauty, i was falling in love with her all over again. she was different, she was definitely not like any other girl. she looked fragile, and delicate, like a flower petal of her favourite.

something struck into me and for some reason my left arm rose and my fingers danced against her cold lips. the strains of hair covered her face weren’t a bother to me because every inch of her was beautiful. there was no such thing as beauty covering beauty right?

my thumb rubbed against her cheek, and my index finger traced down the bridge of her nose. i could just touch her like this until the next life comes. i can just run my fingers through her until they get numb because i would never get tired.

she shuddered in cold, and without me realizing, i scooted closer to her. i don’t know if my eyes played tricks or they were being real, but her lips curved in a small smile. it was as if she felt the warmth in my body, even though i was cold myself but at least i could share my last drips of heat in me with the girl i loved the most.

i got closer, and she leaned nearer. her cute figure came closer to me and almost instantly, my arm pulled her tightly in an embrace. her face tucked in the spance under my cheek, and i could feel her breathing against the skin of my neck. she laid herself cozily there, and her fingers grasped the patch of clothing near the left side of my chest. i was sure she could feel my heartbeat, and i was sure she was smiling at how nervous i was.

she puffed out a small smile, and it was as if she was trying to tell me to relax. i reconsidered the thought of her actually sleeping.. maybe she was awake the whole time and noticed the way i stared at her sleeping and touching every structure of her face. i was doomed.

after some minutes and i was sure that my heart rate was reaching a normal pace, i tried closing my eyes. but still, i couldn’t drift off to sleep. she was in my arms, snuggled tightly and i was holding her tenderly. her fingers grasped my shirt and my fingers were tracing shapes against her back. it was surreal, i just wanted to yell and scream and shout and tell everyone about this.

i smiled and opened my eyes. i stared at her instead since i couldn’t get a slice of sleep. i didn’t want to miss an opportunity to look at her like this again. this was just a once in a lifetime experience.. i can’t lose it.

her small voice cracked but her eyes were shut. i wasn’t aware if she was conscious or just sleep talking, but somehow i wished she was awake still. i wanted her words to be true. i wanted her to say it again and again and kill me again and again. i wanted to hug her closer and kiss her lips and feel her hands on me because that would be the only thing that need to complete my whole life.

as she spoke her words, my grip around her tightened. i leaned my cheek against the crown of her head and my muscles under my flesh moved as i smiled.

“under the skies and above the grounds, i will always be yours,” she whispered delicately.

—

[onstarsandiron]

Band AU Outline

Because where else am I going to put this?

[Lol I made it long, it’s under the readmore]

Scene 1 is Jax is trying to get coffee for his shitty boss and this asshole bumps into him, spills it all over him, and has the goddamn nerve to not stick around. Jax doesn’t know how he feels about the $50 bill casually thrown at him before Asshole runs off

Scene 2 is Robb arriving late to after school rehearsal and smelling faintly like coffee and his stupid brother is there and sneers at him because Eric is sooooo perfect and Eric gets to be the one that plays the violin, the instrument that everyone likes, and Robb is here playing the bass. Well fuck you, Eric, because Robb’s a damn good bass player and he actually likes how it sounds, thank you very much. If he’d gotten stuck with the viola he would have killed himself; he’d literally be second fiddle to Eric.

Scene 3 is Jax on his lunch break talking to Ana about their bassist or something I think? 

Scene 4 is Robb secretly practicing his electric bass in a quiet part of the mansion, like he always does, playing along with youtube videos and learning whatever he feels like

Scene 5 is Jax arriving at the venue and finally feeling the stress of the day wash off a little

Scene 6 is Robb arriving at the venue; he’s got a genuine ticket, but he brought his electric bass to try and say he’s part of the opening act or something and get backstage to try and get an autograph (maybe got dared to get one?) This goes, of course, wrong when the stage runner insists on personally seeing him to the correct dressing room saying they’ve been looking for their goddamn bassist all over the place, where the fuck have you been? and just shoves him in 

Queue: “YOU!” “Me?” Robb studied the other’s face, looking for where he’d know those features from. Suddenly it came to him. Oh. Oh no. Coffee boy. “Oh no,” Rob said, unable to help it, “Me.” 

Robb fucking OWES Jax for that bullshit, he may have payed for replacement coffee, but you can’t pay for replacement dignity, and that was his FAVORITE sweater. What’s that instrument he has? A bass? Fucking good because Barger is a no-show and they’re on in 15. 

Ana’s drums, Di does keyboard and synth, Jax is lead (only) guitar and lead (only) singer -- Di cannot carry a note to save the galaxy and Ana gets too excited and just ends up screaming more than singing (you physically cannot stop her from doing this, mind you, so mostly Jax just doesn’t give her a mic. It helps only so very much. To be fair, it is Ana’s band, so she has a certain right to do whatever she wants) They are the Dossier [Idk if I wanna include Xu and Elara in here yet; if I do, Elara’s a techie and Xu is additional tech support + Social media manager/marketing/gig booking/etc]

Queue the gang tearing up Robb’s pretty boy outfit to get grungier bc if you believe Ana started some kinda new wave bullshit band full of crooners you’re goddamn wrong. They do loud hard rock and you can die made about it. Also Jax applies Robb’s eyeliner and Robb has never had a more intimate moment with an individual without actually touching one another in his life. 

Then there’s the show. Lucky for Robb they’re playing all covers and it’s stuff that he knows. unluckily for Robb, it’s completely different to playing quietly in his tucked away chamber to youtube videos. He makes do, though. 

He’s kind of mouthing along to the words he knows and then he’s singing them quietly and then he’s singing them outright and then Jax notices and somehow there’s now been a mic placed in front of him and he’s become backup vocals now and if he believed in fake things he’d think Jax was actually pleased about this. Wow, performing sure makes your heart beat hard.

Then they’re taking a bow and off the stage before he even knows it. He thinks now he’ll be shooed off, but actually they let him watch the actual concert with them and then there’s like an after party and they let him tag along and actually he has a really good time (He gets that autograph he wanted too lol)

Like a week later he gets a call from Ana -- Di had made him sign a goddamn liability waiver including personal and emergency contact info -- and turns out that Barger skipped town for reasons which are genuinely undisclosed but 99% probably because he has a gambling problem. They need a new bassist. He worked out well in a pinch, does he think he can make practices monday at 7? 

So that’s how Robb starts sneaking around to be in this band and play little gigs here and there and it isn’t the sort of places anyone from his circle would be involved in and it isn’t so big that he’s so very worried about an internet presence (he does “”Shyly”” hide behind his hand when Di tries to get pictures for their social media). Robb like tells his mom he’s doing some extracurricular thing and turns his phone off and pays off his chauffeur to say nothing

There’s probably some cute scenes or clips of outings or something. They go thrift shopping to get Robb some actual stage clothes, they hang out with Ana’s moms, they don’t talk about Jax’s parents ever and don’t mention that Jax pretty much lives with Ana or the rotating cast of personnel through the house, there’s heart-to-hearts, there’s laughs, there’s drama, there’s friendship blossoming, walls breaking, truly incredible stuff

Then comes the inevitable. The day of the Big School Concert is also the day of the big Battle of The Bands or something. It’s some sort of contest where they play some songs and then they play one they were like assigned and they were assigned Space Oddity and one thing is that the judges are really looking for those strings but Di’s synths just aren’t cutting it; they’re timing and intonation just aren’t right. So Robb is like “Okay, you can’t ask any questions, and I’m going to be like on the wire BUT I will be there and I will bring strings. You have to trust me.” 

And then it’s Robb’s concert, and bananas things happen and he gets out of there with the bass and we’re switching back and forth between everyone being antsy and worrying and Robb booking it with this big ass piece of shit on his back and he’s in the back of the car fucking up his $300 suit. Maybe there’s a run-in with Eric? I kinda really want him to show up a little worse for ware for Jax to fuss over. 

And Jax and Ana and Di are like Bass??? Suit???? Hair half slicked back??? Are those LOAFERS??? Is that a BLACK EYE?? [one of the judges later asks the same thing and Robb just replies “We are a grunge band, ma’am]  But there’s no time to fuss! Because he rolls up literally like two minutes from going on stage!

They rush out and they play their song and it’s magical and fucking gay and Di’s going fucking ham on the piano and the whole room is vibing. Then they play a couple more songs or something idk I don’t want to like ruin this emotional high but I do need to justify the electric base being there for the next bit which issss

Di and Ana shove Robb and Jax into the dressing room and they FINALLY make out. And it’s amazing and heavy and full of emotional and physical catharsis and it’s just exactly what everyone -- robb, jax, the reader -- needs. 

And then there’s a knock on the door. Followed by “Robbert, darling, are you in there?” 

And Robb’s blood goes cold. Because of course Eric told his mother. Of course he forgot to turn his phone off. Of course, just as he finally has the things he wants, what he’s been craving for all his life, here comes his mother reminding him of what he is supposed to be. 

“What’s wrong?” Jax asks, “Who’s that?” But Robb can’t bear to say a word. It’ll all become obvious in a minute anyway. All he can do is hope that the sadness on his face shows, for once he wants his stupid face to show his goddamn emotion to the one person, and that Jax will know that’s how he really feels and won’t take this next part too personally. 

His parting words are to hand his electric bass to Jax and say, “Here, can you keep this safe for me? Valerios aren’t supposed to play these sorts of things.” 

And before Jax can say anything Robb turns away and makes his face a mask and replies, “Yes, Mother.” 

The door opens and there stands his mother, graying hair pulled into an elegant bun, still in the dress from the recital. Eric stands there too with his sharp suit, looking as if their tussle had never happened and like he didn’t need to wash blood off his rings. There were also a couple of men in suits, some of his mother’s assistants. One entered unceremoniously and silently took the bass from the room. 

“My dearest, whatever are you here for? I believe we agreed to a dinner at your favorite restaurant for your recital tonight,” it was Eric’s favorite, Robb hated the place, “This event was not on my itinerary.” 

“I apologize for the delay, Mother,” Robb said, as if he’d made them wait five minutes instead of running off across town and surely ruining their evening, “I owed a debt, and as you know that cannot be outstanding.” 

The barest hint of anger flashed over her face; she absolutely hated when he threw Valerio Family Names items back at her. He must have been hanging around with Ana too much, because he found himself relishing in having made her mad. The flash was gone almost before it was there, though, and her face was cool once more. 

“And what, pray tell, did you owe to these... people,” his mother said, eyeing Jax in a way that made Robb so angry he could feel the white hot rage in the center of his chest. But he was a Valerio, and he knew better than to show it like Ana was allowed to. 

“Did you not catch the show, Mother?” Robb asked, protectively stepping between her gaze and Jax and praying that it didn’t show his cards too thoroughly, “They required some strings accompaniment. I lent them some. Our transaction is done, I have no more business here.” 

He had so much more business here. He had results to hear. An after party to go to. Pizza to eat. Jokes to laugh at. A boy to kiss. 

But now all that business is done for. Who wants to hear results for a song played by a liar? Who wants to go to an after party or eat pizza or tell jokes with a Valerio? Who would want to kiss him after seeing who he really is: a spineless wimp who is doomed to live and die by his mother’s whims. This whole arrangement was doomed from the start, and he always knew it. He was just too happy to let himself know that. 

His mother was clearly displeased with him, but what was new? “So I see,” She said at last, “Well then, come along, no need to tarry in this... venue.” 

“Of course, Mother,” Robb said. A cool nothingness washed over him. He knew his lines. He knew his place. This was who he was. 

Robb left the room, not sparing Jax a single look over his shoulder. He told himself it was because his mother would certainly notice, and she would, but really he couldn’t bear to see whatever expression Jax was wearing -- betrayal, shock, anger? It would only break his heart further. 

As he left the room he now saw that Di and Ana were looking on in shock. Apparently they hadn’t stepped too far away. “Hey!” Ana yelled, “What’s going on?” 

“Did you not hear the entire conversation about what’s ‘going on’?” Erik asked, and Robb wanted to punch him again. Apparently Ana wanted to too, because Di instinctively reached to hold her back just as she began forward. 

“And who is this, Robbert?” his mother asked, as if they were at the zoo and she was asking which animal was in this enclosure. It was so hard for Robb to see Ana riled up without getting riled up too. 

“The leader of the band, Mother,” Robb said, carefully not naming her. She was nondescript, hard to track down by description alone. Hopefully more trouble than his mother thought worth it. He never wanted any of this night to come back to hurt the band. 

“Well, as you’ve heard, his debt is payed, so he is leaving. Say goodbye, Robbert.” 

“Goodbye,” Robb said, feeling like a dog, “Thank you for the experience.” That was as close as he could get to what he wanted to say. Thank you for being his friend, for being there for him, for letting him be dumb and clumsy, for a thousand things Ana has done for him. Her and Di and Jax. And all he can say is, “Thank you for the experience.” He makes him sick. 

And like that he turns with his mother and brother, because he is nothing but their dog. A spare for if something goes wrong. An extra to be married off for a good business deal once he’s ripe. That’s all he is and all he will ever be. 

He can hear Ana yelling after them, struggling against Di’s hold. He can picture Di’s face as he struggles between holding Ana back for her own good and letting her go because he knows she’ll at least land a hit. He tries not to picture Jax at all. 

But don’t worry because I hate sad endings but idk exactly what I want to happen but basically a few hours pass and then either Siege or Ana is like “So, when are we going?” and Jax is like “? Going where?” “To break your boyfriend out.” and idk, but it works out in the end. 

[sunshinexlollipops]

Have you given up on ACW?

Hey anon, to answer your question: no.

I meant to make a more detailed post explaining what has gone on BUT I have just had shit keep happening to me time after time.

To put it simply: I have not had the time or ability to write ACW this month.

Have I given up on it? Forgotten it? Been pushing it off? Ignoring it?

No. I’ve been terribly busy and stressed in the process of trying to replace my car. Which has single-handedly been one of the worst experiences I’ve ever gone through.

Sounds dramatic right? No.

I have been:

Treated horribly bc I’m trying to buy a lower-priced used car outright instead of financing on any and I’ve had dealers tell me “I don’t care about those” and hang up on me

I had to pull money out of my college fund to even get a majority of my car budget and that was like pulling teeth

I was trying to save every penny I could of money I earned afterward so I was trying to spend NOTHING while literally picking pennies off the ground

I spent an entire day just rolling my own change to help my budget

I have gone to car lots trying to find a car I discovered online that is listed to be there only to find out it’s sold or even in another state

^ that happened to me 3 times

Some lots left listings on hella good car deals to lure people in

I found out I couldn’t finance a car bc I have no credit history but lord did they try for me to do so

And the biggest issue is that since I am a woman, I faced SO MUCH SHIT from dealers thinking I was an idiot or waisting their time.

One dealer literally lost his shit after I declined a sale because:

He was trying to finance me on a car worth 10k. From taxes and other fees and interest, and extra 6k was added to the car’s price. My car payment was gonna be almost $400/month and with having to get the insurance required for a car on lean I wouldn’t be able to spend any of my money on anything but the car for a year and he thought this was okay.

He was so sneaky he tried to get me to “drive the car home” to show my mom once she got off work. “All you gotta do is buy insurance and she can see it! And I’ll get you dealer tags!” THAT IS SELLING ME THE CAR. NO.

Once the deal fell through bc I refused to do anything but tell him we were done, he immediately changed with how he was acting and says “this is bullshit,” and proceeded to go fucking nuclear.

Said my parents didn’t love me bc they were going to buy a used car for me with no warranty and high mileage and I was gonna get screwed over even more than I already was without having a car.

He called my parents idiots for not co-signing and “I prayed to god for this deal and they won’t let you have it” — and overall he mostly zeroed in my mom, who bought two cars from them, saying she was a “fool” and “I couldn’t even talk to her for doing this to you.”

Said my parents didn’t love me and “you can’t do this to your daughters. Sons you can put in shitty used cars with high mileage, but your daughter? To have it break down on the side of the road? Haven’t they read the news? Don’t they know what happens to women?”

Complained that we were going to make him look like an idiot bc he reworked this car deal for me 4-5 times and now he’s gonna have to explain to his boss I said no and get him “in trouble” and that he might lose his job bc I’m not buying this car.

Needless to say I’ve been stressed as fuck this month.

And, a few days ago, I bought a car.

But it isn’t working out.

There was a crack in the windshield the dealer said they would replace. And this isn’t a sketchy side-of-the-road dealer, this is a franchised Ford dealership.

Well, the day after I bought my car (a green 2000 Honda CRV that needs some cosmetic love), I was told it would be fixed and they would call me to pick it up.

They didn’t do so. Either with calling me or fixing the windshield.

I called them 3 times, right after I got off from work at about 4, and then, about an hour before they were set to close.

I got a call back after leaving messages asking how my car was and if it was ready for pick up to come 10min before the dealer shut its doors for the night to get it.

So I show up and it’s raining and at night, so I don’t immediately see the crack is still there until I get home.

Thankfully I live right down the road, so I still had enough time to call them back and say: “wtf? This was supposed to be fixed? Y’all said it would be?”

The gentleman on the phone tells me: “Bring the car in tomorrow morning. We will get you a loan vehicle while we fix it and you should get it back same day. What time would you be coming in?”

I tell him about 9am or a little past, and he says he will make a note of it.

Come morning, I make sure to take pics of the windshield.

I take it, find out the guy to fix it isn’t even in till Monday, and since it’s a 7-8in crack it’s not safe to drive around with (the salesman even told me for it to be on the lot it had to be fixed).

So now o have a loaner car after getting to complain to the sales manager and I broke down crying bc I havent had my car for even 48hrs and they’re already having to take it back and keep it for several days longer.

The lady who does car loaning for people like me felt so bad she prayed for me before I left and texted me personally about my car bc i discovered they cleaned the brake pedal and it was worn down to expose metal— not a common thing you see on a car with only 97k miles.

Both she and I did research on the vehicle to make sure the odometer wasn’t rolled back (something highly illegal and fraudulent).

So I’m out of a car at least until Monday, but it just depends on how this all goes down.

Until then I have a 2019 Ford Edge and it’s nicer than anything I’ve ever been in but still.

So yeah. I haven’t brushed off ACW.

I literally have just been having the worst luck and time and this has taken priority over writing.

Not that I’m shitting on you anon, but this is what’s happening and this is why there won’t be an update this month.

I’m sorry, but it’s just how this has played out for me and everything else.

All i can say is that I hope this works out soon and for the better. 🤷‍♀️

[hqkj]

she’s here · kaia

date & location — wed. feb 5, 2020 / vancouver, bc. tl;dr — the apa’s welcome a new family member featuring — @maiimitchell, charlie mitchell, emma brown (charlie’s gf) trigger warning(s) — NONE

KJ: Emma was due any day. A walking piñata and the prize inside? His soon to be best little friend, his daughter. Her ankles were swollen to double the size and that in itself was enough of an indicator, right? Over the last few weeks, KJ and Maia had tried to spend as much time with Emma and Charlie as they could without coming off as overbearing or smothering. It was a thin line to walk but as the days counted down to the official due date, it became harder and harder to contain their excitement. No matter how excited he was, however, the young actor still had to go to work. At the present, that is where he was: sitting on the floor of his trailer, waiting for the next scene to get set up so they could shoot. HIs phone vibrated beside him but, lost in his script, KJ didn’t bother looking up. It stopped. It started again. He ignored it. It stopped. A short pulse. Another short pulse. A third. Annoyed, he grabbed his phone. Two missed calls from Maia. Three texts: EMMA’S WATER BROKE. IT’S HAPPENING. BABY COMING.

Maia: Maia knew how scared Emma was about having this baby. KJ and her had been able to take some worry away when they decided to adopt the little girl growing in her belly but there was little they could do to ease the stress of having push the baby out. Maia did her best to distract the younger brunette, bringing movies over to watch with her and trying to make her as comfortable as possible. Today was the one day she’d planned to stay home and finish getting the babies nursery stocked up. Everything their friends had sent them had been washed or assembled and was ready to be put away. She’d just started filling the dresser with fresh onesies when her phone rang and Charlie told her Emma had gone into labour. In a panic Maia quickly called KJ. Emma wasn’t due until the weekend and she wasn’t even sure KJ could get off work at this point. Rushing her way to the hospital found herself in an empty waiting room, pacing the floor as she waited for any more news from Charlie and Emma. In all the commotion these past few weeks they never had figured out how this part went. Did they go into the delivery room? Did they wait here until a nurse brought them to meet their daughter? These were the things the parenting books hadn't taught her and the lack of clarity had her getting more anxious by the second.

KJ: “She’s coming...she’s coming!” Scrambling to his feet, KJ grabbed the nearest jacket - Archie’s football letterman jacket - and practically leapt from his trailer, taking off towards the parking lot. “I gotta go--” He ran into (literally ran into, collided with) the episode’s director, stammering his excuses, praying that the plan he’d set up with production would stand...even a week earlier than expected. “My -- my daughter’s coming!” Not slowing down an inch, he only heard the faint calls coming from behind him, assuring him he’d still have a job waiting for him upon his return. The car ride there was a blur and soon, the redhead was bolting through the front doors of Vancouver General. He was all but shouting Maia’s name, unsure where to find them. Of all the talks that had been had in the days before Lilah’s arrival, a step-by-step hospital plan hadn’t been one. Had they all gone into a delivery room already? Looking around, KJ found a familiar head of messy brown hair, pacing. “Hey hey, I’m here.” He wrapped his arms around her, catching her body mid motion. “How’s Emma and Char? Where are they? Did they go in? Are we gonna go in? What’s happening?” His mind and heard and body were going a mile a minute. He needed to breathe. After a deep breath in and out, he looked down at his wife. “Our girl is almost here.”

Maia: Maia continued to pace, wearing a hole in the linoleum floors.  Her mind racing as she wondered if KJ would make it, if Lilah would have a safe delivery, if Emma was okay. While Maia had been unusually calm in the weeks leading up to this it seemed she was falling back into her old worrisome ways. Her thoughts were interrupted by  the sound of a familiar voice behind her. The thick accent was unmistakable and much needed. “Kaje,” she exhaled softly, her arms wrapping around him as he pulled her close. “You made it! I wasn’t sure they’d let you leave.” For a minute she just hugged him tightly, letting some of her stress melt away. “I don’t know, they haven’t told me anything. Charlie said the doctor was checking her out to see how dilated she is. I don’t know—- we never talked about that. The nurse said in these sort of situations they can take the baby from one delivery room into another where we can be waiting and see her right away. That way it’s not traumatic for the birth mum and the baby still gets to bond with a parent and be soothed after being born. Is that okay with you? We wouldn’t be in the delivery room but we’d get to see her right away.” She knew how Emma and Charlie felt and was sure the less time they spent with the baby today the better they’d feel. “I can’t believe she’s almost here.”

KJ: “No one was gonna be able to keep me away,” he murmured into her hair, their bodies swaying slightly as they took a moment to embrace one another. “Go in with her. Be with Emma, she’s gonna need someone to help her through this. Things are rocky between the two of them, Charlie not wanting to be in the room when it happens is understandable and Emma not wanting me in there goes without saying. I’ll stay with Char in the other room, hang with him, but I feel like Lilah Love should have at least one of us there when she rips into the world. Hopefully Emma won’t mind.” While there was very little about this entire pregnancy/adoption that fell into the traditional category, KJ was still very much a traditionalist and his not wanting Lilah to be brought into the world without the people she would know as her parents present was simply his parental instincts beginning to kick in. “And then you can bring her to me whenever you get the green light. Would you do that for me, babes? I’d feel a lot less anxious knowing you were in there in case something goes wrong.” They said it all the time, the two of them, that they were a team; where one ended, the other began and this was just another perfect example to that claim. Maia could represent for the both of them and if hers was the very first face Lilah saw, the kid would start her life off right.

Maia: Maia squeezed him a little tighter as he told her no one could keep him away from their daughter. It was crystal clear to her that he was ready to be a father and would stop at nothing to be the best man he could be. Pulling back Maia met his gaze, wanting to make sure he was really okay with her going in and being with their daughter "Are you sure? I didn't want you to be all alone out here." She appreciated him wanting to stay with Charlie, she knew he didn't want to be in the room. He wanted to separate the thought of this baby being his mistake and focus on it being the little niece he's going to love the hell out of. "I'll do it, I'll go support Emma and help bring our little girl into this world. But you better be ready to cry and fall in love when I bring her to you," she smiled up at KJ before pecking his lips." Time moved slower as she made her way down the hall to Emma's room, hugging her brother and whispering "I got this" in his ear. She'd never forget the look of sheer relief on his face as he realized his sister was coming to the rescue yet again. "KJ is in the waiting room waiting for you. He'll buy you some coffee." Charlie gave Emma a kiss and whispered some motivational words before heading off to meet his brother in law. Maia was sure she heard the sigh of relief as he walked out the door. Now it was time for Maia to be Emma's rock and get her through one of the hardest things she'd ever do.

KJ: “I love you and I promise I’ll be a bonafide basketcase the second I see her. It’s the least I can do. Now go. Be your superwoman self and give some of that badass energy to Ems. Pretty sure she’s gonna need it about now.” With that, he watched his wife disappear behind a set of swinging double doors. Next time he saw her, she’d have their daughter in her arms. Talk about a mindbending thought. Did KJ want to bear witness to the birth of his first child? Of course. But right now, Team Apa needed to be in two places at once and this was the only arrangement that made sense. Maia and her freakish memory would just have to retell the entire experience in a few days time when the sheer chaos of Lilah’s arrival calmed down. Jill wasn’t even set to fly in for two more days, not expecting the baby to come early. By the time KJ rejoined Charlie in the waiting room - the Kiwi actor double fisting hot vending machine coffees - he could hear Jill’s voice echoing, radiating from the facetime call happening on Charlie’s phone. Exhaustion waved over him the second he collapsed on the seat beside his brother in law. He remained silent, simply listening to Charlie and Jill speak in hushed but excited tones, making plans for when Mama Mitchell touched down. “And KJ.” His mother-in-law’s voice directed at him caused his attention to focus back. Charlie tipped the phone until he saw himself in the bottom corner. Jill wore a large smile, her eyes glassed with obvious emotion. “Congratulations, sweetheart.”

Maia: Maia always said she couldn't love KJ more than she already did, her heart was full beyond capacity because of him. But in moments like this it was like she could feel her heart grow a little bigger just so she could love him some more. "I love you and the next time I see you I'll be bringing you our little girl." Maia beamed up at him before saying her goodbyes and making her way into the maternity ward. At this point Maia saw Emma in an entirely different light. Over the last month Emma had moved from her brothers girlfriend to her babies birth mother to her friend. They girls had spent enough time together lately that she felt honoured to be in the room next to her, talking her through the painful contractions and fears of child birth. It took hours before Emma was finally dilated enough for the nurse to get the doctor. "Just a little while longer, you're almost there. I can see the baby start to crown so I'm going to page the doctor, okay?" The words coming out of the nurses mouth felt too surreal. Before the doctor could arrive Maia typed out a text to KJ. 'It's showtime!' she text him, butterflies spinning around her stomach as she prepared for their whole life to change.  The sweat and tears it took to bring Lilah into the world left Maia feeling a whole new sense of admiration for the mothers of the world. "Is she okay? Did I do okay? Maia--- is your little girl alright?" Emma asked, breathlessly after passing the after birth. Meanwhile a nurse had moved the baby to the far side of the room to clean her up and clear her lungs and Maia couldn't take her eyes off them. "You did amazing! She's here and she looks perfect. They're just cleaning her up, don't you worry okay? You did. You're okay now. You just breathe and relax!"

KJ: Hours passed. He knew babies sometimes took their sweet time making their grand entrance but this was bordering on ridiculous. He knew Lilah wasn’t biologically his but this whole diva act, making everyone wait on her? That was something he would do. This was something he hoped would eventually stop: his bad habit of constantly searching for things about her that could potentially be attributed to him. It more than likely came from that insecurity he felt deep down in his chest, the one he had tried to convince himself didn’t actually exist, the one that picked at the frays of his heart and reminded him that he wasn’t Lilah’s father and that he never would be. Before he could go too far down this rabbit hole, his phone buzzed with Maia’s update. He hit Charlie on the shoulder and showed his screen, both boys instinctively sitting up a little straighter in their seats. It was such a surreal thought, to think somewhere a few rooms down, Emma was giving birth to the tiny little girl everyone was waiting so eagerly to meet. Him especially. About half an hour later, a nurse came in and escorted them into the maternity ward, guiding them to an unoccupied room that had a rocking chair beside the bed before letting him know Maia and the newborn would join them momentarily. Somewhere down the hall, a baby cried and don’t ask him how but KJ knew. “That’s my girl,” he whispered, so quiet he wasn’t even sure Charlie had heard him. And just like that, any nasty insecurities he had let himself buy into vanished. He was officially a dad, he had a daughter...there was no other truth. 

Maia: Exhausted, and rightfully so, Emma leaned back against the bed and smiled up at Maia. “We did it,” she sighed. Emma had put a lot of stress on herself these last few weeks. So many people were counting on her to deliver this perfect baby to KJ and Maia and she was so worried she’d fall short. What if the baby was ugly? What if it was born with some sort of a disorder? All these thoughts and more ran through her head right until she saw Maia grinning ear to ear at her and telling her the baby was okay. “You’re going to make a great Mum Maia,” she whispered once more before the nurse told her to rest. The doctors escorted Maia out to stitch Emma up and prep her to head over to recovery. Her only request was that she send Charlie to her room when she saw him. In other room a nurse cleared the baby, telling Maia she was breathing on her own and had a strong heart beat. When she passed the baby over to her she felt herself fall in love all over again. Looking down she laid eyes on her daughter in her arms for the first time. Her bottom lip trembling from being in the cold air outside the womb. “Oh you’re just like Mama, you don’t like the cold either.” Her eyes were filling with happy tears as she rocked the baby and tried to keep her warm. “Your husband is in the maternity room down the hall waiting for the two of you. You can take your time heading over and a nurse will meet you both there in about a half hour for her first feeding. We’ll show you both how to help her take the bottle.” The nurses soft and sweet voice was appreciated as they tried to help Maia navigate the day her whole life changed.After spending a few minutes just staring at her daughter and memorizing her little face Maia felt it was finally time for her to meet KJ. “C’mon little bug, I think Daddy’s waiting for us.” Maia only got a few steps into the hall when Lilah began to fuss, reminding her that the baby was probably getting hungry. “I know, baby I know. We’ll get you some milk in just a second okay?” She held her to her chest, kissing the soft hair on the top of her head. Rounding the corner she poked her head into the room, her face lighting up when she saw KJ. “Look who I found Little bug.” Lowering her back down to cradle in her arms she showed KJ Lilah for the first time. “There’s Daddy!” She smiled so wide it almost hurt as she extended her arms out to offer KJ the baby. Once she’d passed her off her hugged Charlie and whispered a thank you in his ear. There was a quick congratulations from him before he went off to find Emma and give them some alone time. “Isn’t she perfect?” she whispered to KJ.

KJ: Soon enough, Maia appeared in the doorway, a tiny pink bundle cradled in her arms. The edges of the blanket peaked high enough that, from his vantage point, he couldn’t see her face until Maia was beside him. But once she was there, once his gaze found Lilah’s little face, his normally steady breathing hitched. Her tiny nose, her tiny closed eyes, her tiny mouth forming a tiny O as she cried. And then Maia was extending her arms, offering him his first opportunity to hold his daughter. “Are you sure?” He whispered, suddenly second guessing everything he knew about childcare. Taking a deep breath, he took Lilah in his arms, mimicking the pose he’d seen Maia sporting moments before. The infant squirmed in his arms and all KJ could think was don’t drop her, don’t drop her, don’t drop her. He watched as Maia and Charlie hugged each other and exchanged hushed words, his gaze quickly returning to Lilah who seemed to be calming herself, snuggling into the crook of his arm. She was so small, it was unreal. He could hold her head in one hand and she fit lengthwise on his forearm. Charlie left and Maia returned to his side as he sat on the edge of the bed, allowing his wife to sit in the rocking chair. “She’s beautiful,” he agreed, his eyes welling up as the gravity of reality finally settled upon him. “This is it,” the young man mused, his eyes never leaving Lilah and her perfect face. “Our very first moment as a family of 3.” Only then did he force himself to look away from his daughter and instead at his wife. His smile beamed as he moved to hand her back before he gave into his deep urge to squeeze her way too tight.

Maia: “Mhm, you got this,” she whispered to him. Once she passed over the baby she traced a circle with her palm along his back. Silent words of encouragement that he would be great with their daughter. Seeing KJ hold Lilah and fall as in love with her as Maia was truly made her heart feel so full. She wished she could stop time and hold onto this moment right here for a while longer. “She’s a little fussy. The nurse said she’s going to bring buy a fresh bottle and help us do her first feeding in a few minutes.” Like an allstar dad KJ seemed to have no problem soothing her and getting her to calm down. Pulling out her phone Maia snapped a photo of Lilah snuggling into KJs arms and sent it to the family group chat with the caption, “I think he’s in love!”. As soon as she saw the tears in his eyes she knew she was a goner. She’d be a sobbing mess if he kept this up! “The Apa family are finally all together.” Slipping into the rocking chair she made herself comfortable before KJ passed their daughter back to her. “It’s scary how much I love something so tiny,” she chuckled softly. “Lilah Love, you the best gift your Daddy ever gave me. I’m so thankful for you both!” With misty eyes she bowed her head down and kissed her soft newborn cheeks.

KJ: He heard the snap sound of Maia taking what would go down in history as the first picture he had with his daughter, a sound that made him smile down at Lilah even bigger. He wanted to memorize every single winkle on her face, the shape of her fingernails, the dip of the bridge on her little nose. “Lilah, it’s Dad. Welcome to the family, sweet girl. We’re so glad you’re finally here.” In an afternoon of firsts, her tiny fist gripping his pinky finger perhaps topped them all. Once Lilah was back in Maia’s arms, KJ took his turn to sit back and soak in the scene before him. As adamant as they’d both been about waiting to start their family, he couldn’t deny how right this all looked and felt. Her whispered words to their daughter brought another wave of tears to his brown eyes. Lowering himself, he pressed a kiss atop Maia’s bowed head, one hand resting lightly on Lilah’s, his thumb brushing gentle strokes against the dark brown fuzz of hair she was already sporting. “This might have started off looking like another one of our off-the-cuff decisions but this is exactly--” His words caught in his throat, choking on a quiet sob. “Exactly how our family was supposed to start, wasn’t it? This is how everything was meant to happen.”

Maia: Happening in front of her was the exact moment that KJ was falling head over heals for their daughter. Fortifying the father daughter bond that they’d have for the rest of her life. After growing up without her Dad for the better part of her life she felt so proud and so honoured to have been able to marry a man like KJ and give their kids a father that they really could look up to and count on. “Daddy’s officially out numbered,” she said softly with a little chuckle. In all honesty she could sit there all day happily listening to KJ babble to their daughter. It just made her so happy to sit back and watch them together. Once she had Lilah back in her arms she soothed her until those little eyes fell closed again. It wasn’t love before KJ hovered over her, kissing the top of her head as he nestled in close to his girls. At his comment she nodded slowly. “You were always meant to find us Little Bug,” Maia whispered back to the baby. “You’re the best decision we ever made.” Turning her head she looked at her husband, grinning as she spotted his misty eyes. “I knew you’d be the crier,” she teased him playfully. “I can’t believe we did it. She’s here! She’s here and she’s all ours! This is our life now!” In her arms, wrapped in a pink blanket, was their entire world. The person they would move mountains for and protect at all costs from here on out. “I’m so happy Kaje. This life with you is all I’ve ever dreamed of. Thank you baby.”

[sturmxundxdrang]

2 0 1 8 ;

so this has been something i’ve done for both 2016 and 2017 (unfortunately can’t find that one), so yeah, a little recap of my year. under read more bc nobody’s interested in a long ass text lol 

So since I can’t find my 2017 post, I’m gonna go from the 2016 and see what I have accomplished from the things I wanted for 2017:

To finally start learning German properly: in 2017 I went to German classes. They did help me a lot, but I had to quit for financial reasons and because I felt like it was slow.

Learn how to play guitar and piano: I did go looking for piano classes, but couldn’t go through with them. More on that below.

Finish my ‘wall collage’: I almost got to finish it! It was actually on my wardrobe’s door, and it was almost complete, but I had to take it down this year when I got a new wardrobe. Fortunately, I had glued the drawings to a sheet of paper, so I still have it.

Finish writing and editing as many books as I can: I did write a lot, I have over 200 poems just from 2017, but I, unfortunately, didn’t do much editing or finished books, haha. 

Watch at least 100 of the movies from my list: I feel like I focused a lot more on TV shows, so that is a no.

Start exercising more: This went as a complete fail, up until November haha.

Do more things by myself: definitely yes, I’ve been growing a lot.

Get a car: I learned that driving stresses me out, but my parents switched to a different car to make it easier for me to drive, so I’m good with that.

Other things from 2017: 

In 2016 I found both witchcraft and Hellenic Polytheism, and I started practicing, but being an ex-Christian, I didn’t talk about it. Out of fear of judgment, out of fear of being wrong and deciding to stop it, a lot of other things. But 2017 was the year I started trusting it more, and the way I felt welcome in this religion, and by my gods, was so warm, that in 2017 I was sure that this was exactly what I was supposed to do. 

I also completed 5 years sober. March 18 was not only my birthday, but also the day I marked 5 years being Straight Edge, something I looked up to achieve ever since I began, back when I was 14 years old and looking up to CM Punk. Back then all I knew was that it was going to be better for me, and inspired by one of my heroes, I claimed. Now I understand the depth of my choice, and how much it helped me as a person. I thank CM Punk for showing me this lifestyle, but I also thank my 14 years old self, that, despite being very young and immature, made a very important choice. 

So, now, we enter 2018. Right from the beginning of January, it was a roller coaster. I ended one of my longest friendships, with a person that had been my best friend since 2011. I'm not getting much into it, because it has ended and there is no use bringing it up, but although it was hard to think about going on without somebody that was very important to me at the time, it ended up being the best choice, and proved itself to be a big improvement to my life. All I have to say is that after the end, I was able to see how toxic it was and that moving on felt like a weight off of my shoulders. 

I think things started well on New Years Eve. We had a small party, only me, my parents and two of our family friends. It was fun, we all talked, laughed, played Just Dance. But a bit before midnight, I put Mehr - Rammstein, to play. It’s one of my favorite songs, and the bridge is my favorite part. It played right when it hit midnight, and we toasted to the New Years Eve right when Till yells ‘Mehr!’. I think that was me starting the year with the right mindset.

My first poem of 2018 was a contrast to everything I used to write. All those 200 poems from 2017? Most about heartache, suffering, about pain. But 2018 started with me writing about true love, about softness and being happy. And gods, was I happy in 2018. I didn’t write much this year, because my writing comes more from pain and as a coping mechanism. I’m slowly learning how to write when I’m happy too, I’ll get there soon. 

If you’ve known me for a while, then you know birthdays were really not my thing. It was usually a day I’d be very depressed, I don’t like getting old, I was too stressed about thinking that another year went by, it was all sorts of bad. One time my mom gave me a surprise birthday party because my ex best friend posted a message on my Facebook wall and talked about knowing I hated my birthdays. Mom invited my friends (a group of about 6-7 people at the time), only 2 showed up. But this year, man, it was different. I had plans to go to the Zoo and then to the Botanic Garden to have a picnic. So we invited a family friend (one that was there during the New Year’s party), and we went. We had a fantastic day together, and then came back to a family BBQ, that was equally as good. It was the first birthday in a LONG time where I felt truly happy.

This part is probably one of the most important, I’d say. I can’t tell when exactly it was, but I know it was around my birthday’s time, but someone set up a Rammstein Discord Server. I joined it, not expecting much, because I’m always inactive in groups like that. But you, see, this person became a very important part of my life, because not long after that, there were her, me, and a few more people joking about setting up a Rammstein cover band. And what started out as only a joke, became one of the most important things for me this year: Roter Himmel. Stephanie, Leah, Karla and I. RH’s first year was a roller coaster too. Members that came and went, some that I wish weren’t even there in the first place, but life is like that, and some that will be missed - yeah, Lily, you. But life happens, and that’s okay <3

This band gave me three amazing friends, that now I consider family, made me even closer to someone that was already one of my best friends, and that will ever be the Paulie to my Richard, as we say, and is giving me the opportunity to work on dreams I’ve had as a kid, and of course, to put my dream of moving to Berlin into an actual plan. I’ve started learning the guitar again because of them, something that I’ve wanted since I was literally 6, but that I put aside for so long. And because of them, I’ll be going to Berlin next year, to finally see the place that I hope to call home in the future. Roter Himmel is now probably one of the biggest part of my life, and I cannot wait to be playing our music in crappy bars in Berlin in a few years. To Steph, Karla and Lee: thank you. 2019 will be Roter Himmel’s year.

Law too, is a big part of my life. Not only because it’s something I really love, but because, of course, that’s what I’m studying. This was my third year, so now I have only 2 and a half before I’m finished. I also got my first job in the field. I’ve been working since I was 13, but moving to something new is scary. And me, having terrible anxiety, you can just imagine. But I got the job, and it turned out to be better than I was expecting: my boss is a great person, my coworkers are sweethearts, and despite it being kinda crazy in there, I’m enjoying being there, and getting to learn every day. More importantly, I’m dealing with my anxiety of talking to new people, or going new places, or y’know, just being with strangers. And, y’know, just working with what I’m studying & what I like gives me a sense of ‘you’re doing good’. 

So, my religion. Like I said, I got started in 2016, improved in 2017, but 2018 has been the year where I really felt my religion. I’ve felt home ever since I got started, like this is what I’m supposed to be doing, like that feeling of coming home, and this year really showed me that, yes, I’m definitely where I’m supposed to be. I finally know what is like to experience a love so pure, that it can bring me to tears. I’ve always felt broken knowing Christianity wasn’t for me, always felt bad that I couldn’t feel what my mom felt for her God, for example. But now I do, now I understand that my mother’s God isn’t mine, and that this love I searched for was there, all my life, I just had to find it. I adore my gods, and I’m thankful for them all day, I’m grateful for them being in my life, I’m grateful for their love. That was also the highlight of my year: knowing they’re there for me.

This year was quite strange too, nothing is made of rose petals, of course. We had a terrible election in Brazil, and I fear for what will come after January 1st. I’m terrified for me, for my family, for my country. My 2 years old cat went missing weeks before my birthday, and still haven’t returned; I know he will tho. Some of the friendships I’ve thought would last me for life ended, or we got distant, but I know some things aren’t meant to last and I’m okay with that now. My grandma, just a few days before me writing this, almost died. She went through a very bad surgery, and I spent the night with my mom, aunt and uncle, at the hospital, praying she’d survive. She did, she’s doing better, she will get better, but that was probably the scariest experience I’ve had this entire year.

Also, I got one more cat. After Sonne went missing, I was awful. My dad found this tiny black kitten lost, and he brought it to me. Asche is probably the exact opposite of Sonne, who was this sassy little boy. Asche is a sweetheart, and is always in the same room as we are. Sonne will be back, I’m certain of that.

Back on friendships, I’m very thankful for the friends I made this year, for the ones that didn’t leave, and in special, my best friend of many years. We had a fall out due to my depression, but our friendship is back just how it used to be, and I’m very grateful for him for putting up with me and being there even when I’m a little shit lol. I’m grateful for Lily, and for how our friendship is strong as ever, for my bandmates, who are always there for me too, and for the friends that put up with me talking about Richard (and Ares @ Steph and Karla lol) all the damn time. 

About the piano thing, my dad got a keyboard, somewhere between mid 2017 and the beginning of 2018 (I’m really bad with dates, so) and I managed to play the first part of Für Elise, and I know it’s fairly simple and easy, but I love Beethoven, and being able to play it within two days of my dad getting that keyboard made me very proud of myself. I ended up not practicing anymore, and my dad’s friend borrowed the keyboard from him. 

2018 was definitely a year of growth for me, about learning, getting better, facing fears, about new beginnings and letting go of things that are not good for me. I cried a lot, but I was happy a lot. I consider it an amazing year, to be quite honest, and I know 2019 will be even better. 

As I did for 2016, here are some things I want to accomplish in 2019:

I hope to have at least intermediate German. I’m almost there, but not yet.

I’ll focus on the guitar, and won’t let my frustration burn me out.

Exercise more and get a better sleep schedule.

Focus more on college, this last semester was very tough.

Do more things I usually wouldn’t, like going out to do something on my own, and hopefully being to drive by myself.

Read & write more, or at least more than I did in 2018.

Watch more movies, strike a few from my list.

Meet more people, go out more.

Be more organized.

Focus on my religion & study more, try to keep a consistent schedule and all that.

Find a hobby that will help me relax, something that I can do without pushing myself too much, because I frustrate myself a lot.

And yeah, those are a few I can remember right now, might add some more in the future. Hopefully, I strike all of those out by the time I’m writing my year review of 2019 haha. It’s gonna be a good year, I can feel that, man.

[urdearestmom]

you’ll be okay too

part 1

this is a follow-up to that sad prompt oneshot i wrote a few weeks ago bc everyone asked for one so here it is!! hope you guys enjoy it and if you haven’t read the first part the link is right above!

Beep. Beep. Beep.

The heart monitor is steady, the complete opposite of Nancy's own heartbeat as she sits at Mike's bedside. Hopper had gotten a hold of her as soon as he could and she had taken Joyce's car to the hospital, promising to update the others in the morning so they could get a few hours of sleep before making their way over as well. She'd sat with the Chief and an especially quiet and morose El for a while until a doctor came into the waiting room and announced, "Michael Wheeler?"

The younger girl had immediately jumped up, desperate to see her boyfriend, but the doctor had stopped her with a "Family only, miss." She'd slinked back into her seat and Nancy saw tears in her eyes.

"Hey, El, it'll be fine," she reassured her. "I'll check on him and come back in a bit to talk to you guys, okay?"

The other girl sniffed and nodded meekly. Nancy had looked back at the doctor, waiting expectantly to lead her to her brother, and followed him with her heart in her throat.

She'd stayed with Mike for about ten minutes, not really allowing herself time to think about the gravity of the situation, before going back out to the waiting room to relay his condition to El and Hopper, but the two of them weren't allowed in the room until regular visiting hours started at nine in the morning. It was only four. That led her to her current predicament: sitting in a room alone with her hopefully recovering brother and trying not to cry.

God. Nancy's been told that for now, Mike is stable, but it all depends on whether he makes it through the night or not. She knows the doctors did what they could, and the one who'd spoken to her told her that Hopper's makeshift tourniquet and speedy trip to the hospital had saved Mike's life. But it only drives home the fact that he could've died tonight. He almost did, if Hopper and El had found him a few minutes after they did it would've been too late. And Nancy also knows that she wasn't the best sister growing up, probably still isn't, but that doesn't mean she doesn't love her little brother. If he'd died she would've never been able to forgive herself for letting him get so involved in this mess.

(Logically, she's aware that nothing she could've done would've stopped him from leaving with El. His heart belongs to her and her only, and everyone knows he'll follow her to the ends of the earth if he has to. But Nancy has to have someone to blame and usually it's herself.)

She doesn't know what she'll say to their parents to explain this. Mike's missing an arm, for god's sake! They don't even know she's come back to town, but she guesses it'll be both a happy and nasty surprise when she calls them later. With that thought, she lays her head on the bed next to where her hand is joined with Mike's and closes her eyes. Nancy hasn't been to church in years and isn't even sure if she believes in the religion she was raised with, but she's going to pray all the prayers she remembers until she can't anymore.

She ends up falling asleep and is awoken a little before six by a jerking motion beside her head and the heart monitor next to the bed going crazy. She snaps her head up to see that Mike is awake, but he looks terrified. His breathing is erratic and so is his heartbeat, going by the monitor. Moments later, a pair of nurses rushes into the room. They both start flitting around him, checking all the machines and trying to restrain him.

Nancy watches in shock as her brother's eyes bulge and his throat works, words struggling to escape. She's never seen him like this. At this point, he's just making guttural noises and attempting to push the nurses away, but he can't do that really well since he hasn't realized he's missing half of one of his arms yet. He sees his sister sitting by the bedside and it's when he registers that it's her that a raspy, "Nancy," rips out of his throat.

She stands suddenly and he immediately relaxes, the nurses pushing him back into the mattress. "We need you to stay calm, Michael," one of them says. "Can you do that for us?"

Mike looks at her and confusion spreads across his face, as if he's just now noticing that he's in a hospital. "What am I doing here?"

"Michael-"

His head whips back to Nancy. "Where's El?"

Nancy's mouth opens to speak but words don't come out. He's just woken up in a hospital with half an arm gone and his concern is his girlfriend. Of course it is-

"Where's El?!" He asks again, voice louder. He's starting to push back against the nurses again, as if he's going to get out of the bed and go searching for El himself. "Where- Nancy, where is she?!"

Nancy doesn't know why she can't answer. Her voice suddenly isn't working. Maybe it's shock at seeing Mike the way he is right now, disoriented, hurt, and angrier than ever. Maybe her vocal cords just decided to stop functioning. But whatever it is, it isn't helping. Mike starts screaming, mostly unintelligible words, but Nancy makes out a few very violent "Let me go!"s before the other nurse sticks a needle in his good arm and Mike goes out again.

Her breath returns to her in a sharp gasp and she walks back toward his bed. She hadn't noticed that she'd stepped away. The first nurse turns to her. "Who's El?"

Nancy stares at her unconscious brother for a moment before looking up at the woman. "His girlfriend," she answers, voice stilted.

The nurse raises her eyebrows. "Is she in the waiting room?"

"Yes." Nancy swallows. "She and her dad are the ones who brought him here. El Hopper," she adds.

"Martha," the nurse says, addressing the other one, "Maybe we should go get her? If he wakes up again and she's not here... I don't want that happening twice, the strain won't be good on him."

Martha nods. "I'll be right back." She exits the room quickly, leaving Nancy with the other woman.

"I'll be by again in about fifteen minutes to give you a rundown, alright?" She says.

Nancy nods numbly and sits back down in her previous seat. Now that Mike's asleep again, she lets her shock take her over and feels a pricking in her eyes. He woke up, but he could have not. And what would she have done then? She pretends she doesn't like him most of the time because that's just how most sibling relationships are, but the truth is that Mike is one of the most important people in her life and a part of her would have died with him.

Moments later, El herself is escorted into the room by Martha and Nancy watches as the teen girl's eyes widen and fill with water, her hands flying up to cover her mouth. She's shaking like a leaf during a storm when she stops on the other side of Mike's bed. Nancy traces the sound through the air when El lets out a loud sob and reaches down to cradle Mike's face in her hands.

"He's okay," she cries. "Oh my god..." Her cheeks are soaked with fresh tears and she leans down to carefully set her head on Mike's chest as if to hear his heartbeat and confirm that he really is okay.

Nancy feels numb as she sits and watches the two. She knows the amount of love her brother has for the girl in front of her, and she can see that El returns all of it and then some. It would have been a grievous mistake for the universe to rip them away from each other.

El stays like that for a little while longer before standing and walking to Nancy’s side of the bed, where she wraps the older girl in a tight embrace. They clutch each other like the world will end if they let go, seeking an almost unattainable comfort in one another.

El leans away, her face blotchy and wet. “Are you okay?”

Nancy feels even more like she’s going to cry. She gives a hiccupy little laugh. “Why are both of you so concerned with everyone but yourselves?”

El gives her a confused look.

“Mike,” Nancy starts, “He woke up and the only thing he cared about was where you were. I think he was trying to leave to go find you but the nurses stopped him. He didn’t notice that- that his arm’s gone!”

El’s confusion turns to a muted joy for a moment before returning to her previous sadness. “I never should have let him come.”

Nancy reaches up to rub the other girl’s shoulder, trying to offer the consolation she cannot give herself. “It’s not your fault, you know he would’ve followed you as soon as you left. There was nothing you could’ve done.”

El sighs and sinks into the end of the bed, hunching over with her face in her hands. “I know you’re right, but I just… it could have been so much worse, Nancy. You didn’t see him when we found him, he was dying! There was blood- everywhere I looked,” she chokes out. “I’m going to have nightmares for the rest of my life.”

Nancy shakes her head and reaches out for El’s hands to grasp. She focuses on the younger’s eyes intently. They shine brightly with unshed tears but they hold her gaze, so Nancy finds the words she needs to speak. “We’re all going to have nightmares, it’s expected with the things we’ve been through,” she says, rubbing her thumbs across El’s knuckles like she used to spy Mike doing when his love was stressed. “But we’re also all here for you when you need us. Mike might not be in the best shape right now but he will be better, and everyone knows he’s never going to leave you. You’ll both be there for each other because he needs you just as much as you need him. Do you understand?”

El blinks at her and Nancy listens to their breaths suck in and puff out for a moment before El nods. “He’ll get better. We’ll be okay.”

“You will, El,” Nancy says, and somehow the firmness of her statement brings her a slight sense of calm. She’s certain now that it’ll be okay for her too. “It’ll take a while, but one day, you’re going to be so happy that you’ll forget any of this ever happened, even if it’s just for that day.”

“Like grief. It never goes away, you just learn to deal with it and kind of forget it, right?” El asks, now having let go of one of Nancy’s hands and wiped her nose on her sleeve.

Nancy grips her other hand tightly, looking away and feeling the lump rise in her throat again. “Exactly.”

El squeezes back. “You’ll be okay too, Nancy.”

Nancy offers a weak smile. She’ll be okay too.      

[cognacdelights]

BESTIE THAT CHAPTER WAS AMAZING, chefs kisses for u 😙😙😙 as soon as i started reading the car scenes i was like yup these are the paragraphs you were talking about hahaha also feel victimised by indie because i love tequila although have never heard that tip before 😅 i am a sucker for john b and indie content and that delivered so far beyond what i could’ve imagined. jj will be grovelling for a while when he comes home lolll

:( sorry things aren’t the best, it sucks when little things start piling up at the same time, i definitely get that. life just feels weird rn. but yeah things are getting better covid wise it seems, cases still rising bc people kept breaking lockdown but it only really affects them which is shit for the ones who are taking it seriously. auckland dropped to level 3 today (some workers can go back + takeaways open again) and then our group gatherings for the rest of the country changed from 50 to 100 so nothing major

and yeah uni’s okay, haven’t gone back to campus yet still on zoom but i might have to later in the week depending what the lecturer decides, but just all the assignments have piled up so a bit stressed 🥲

#💛

hi bestie!

ahhhh thank you! i’m so glad that you liked it! hahaha the car scenes are my favourites! indie really just doesn’t give a shit, especially when she’s moping around about jj! john b certainly didn’t expect to hear that first thing in the morning 😂 haha nah indie’s victimising us all… i don’t mind tequila as long as it comes with the salt and lime! and don’t worry there’s going to be even more indie & john b content to come! and oh bestie… you have no idea what i have planned 😭 especially when jj comes home with a bottle of tequila for her after john b tells him about their conversation 😭

i feel stupid bc the things that are getting to me really aren’t that bad… like it’s stupid little things but the more that keep happening the more i just wanna scream /: and on top of that, i just feel kind of lost atm with just finishing uni and struggling to find a job… it’s just such a weird period of time and i don’t like it

at least you’re going down in levels! surely it won’t be long before you’re out of lockdown?

zoom lectures are so shit! i hated mine and i genuinely don’t think i learnt a thing /: idk about you but my education suffered so much in having to do EVERYTHING online and because the motivation wasn’t there… and yeah i definitely feel what you’re going through! hopefully you can smash these assignments out! praying for you! 💛

[eeveedel]

Pfsss mpreg prompt. Literally anything to do with H being protective about L and his bump 😋

This is a very late and very fluffy response but God I’m weak for all of this so I hope you still enjoy. This is from the pray for some sweet simplicity verse and contains mpreg and typical abo dynamics but no sexual content. Just fluff. There is some minor sexual harassment but that’s about all. Unedited bc...this is a drabble and I’m trash. Hope you enjoy it! 

--

Louis reached for Harry the moment he woke up.

He wasn’t awake, even, but he sure was conscious, and he was reaching for Harry, his fingers twitching until they found warm, firm skin. He also might have murmured out, “Harry,” with all the emphasis placed on the last half of his name, but he wouldn’t know.

He didn’t fully wake up until Harry’s hand engulfed his own, and his husband was bringing his hand up to his mouth, pressing a kiss to Louis’s knuckles. It made Louis’s eyes flutter open and he blinked up at the man next to him. Harry was sitting up, five different pillows behind him, scrolling through his tablet with his reading glasses on his nose. He smiled softly when Louis stirred again, and looked over at him fully. He dropped the hand he was holding and instead reached out and stroked the side of his temple.

“Good morning, pet,” he murmured softly.

“Good morning,” Louis mumbled back, settling his hand on Harry’s middle.

“There’s tea for you on the bedside table,” Harry said, “It’s in a thermos so it won’t get cold. But your favorite mug is next to it so you pour it out.”

“So sweet to me,” he smiled, then shifted his eyes, “What are you reading there?”

“Oh,” Harry said softly, “Nothing.”

But Louis reached out to take the tablet, making Harry lift it up, out of his reach.

“Harry, for the love of God,” Louis said, “We’re married, you have to do whatever I want, those are the rules.”

“I don’t remember agreeing to that,” Harry said mildly. Still, though, he drew the tablet back and handed it to Louis, “There you are.”

“Thank you, that’s all I wanted,” Louis huffed. He settled down, his head leaning against Harry’s side, as he lifted the tablet up, “Why are you looking at the Daily Mail? I thought you were a real journalist.”

He scrolled down, and his eyes hovered over the page for a few seconds, and then he looked back up at his husband.

“Harry, Jesus.”

“I can explain.”

“Why are you looking at paparazzi pictures of me on the fucking Daily Mail?”

“I’m sorry, okay,” Harry said, “You looked cute yesterday.”

“Thank you, but you, unlike most of the Mail’s readers, can see me on a daily basis.”

“I’m sorry.” Harry managed again.

“Oh, let me see, at least,” Louis rolled his eyes and went back to the tablet, just taking the time to look at the top pictures. They were just from yesterday, when he had gone to lunch with a couple other trainers. There had been a couple photographers in the parking lot, because they liked to hang out outside the track in hopes of catching one of the up and coming racers as they walked out. Usually there were enough currently relevant people coming in and out that Louis was able to slip by them without much trouble. Yelling at them also helped.

Of course he hadn’t thought through the fact that he was, unfortunately, still famous, and also eight months knocked up, and that was going to be an interesting photo shoot for anyone looking to make a few pounds.

He looked…okay, for sitting at the track all day. He had on a bright blue jumper that Harry always said he looked pretty in, and a pair of his old racing boots and one of his bigger jackets, which was still loose around his arms and shoulders and even his waist, as long as he kept it unzipped. His hair looked good. His face looked puffy and pink and he looked enormous but that was to be expected.

“Christ,” he said. He locked the tablet, making the screen go black, and handed it back to Harry as he rubbed his face, “That’s what you think is cute, huh.”

“Of course,” Harry said. He dropped a kiss to the top of Louis’s head, and then there was a distinct click as he unlocked his device again. Louis rolled his eyes and settled into Harry again, turning his body so he could look at the screen if he wanted to. He settled a hand on his belly, rubbing up and down, and kissed Harry’s bare shoulder.

“If you’re going to keep reading that trash, at least tell me what the best caption is,” Louis sighed.

“Let’s see. Personally I like ‘The retired athlete looked lovely stepping out, the ribbon on his jacket almost the same color as his lovely flushed cheeks.’”

“They used lovely twice there.”

“It’s the Mail,” Harry said, “They also got my name wrong in the article.”

“I’m so sorry for your loss.”

“They called me Henry.”

“Well, it’s hard being the non-famous one,” Louis said.

Harry snorted, and then finally locked the tablet once more and set it on his bedside table. He took off his reading glasses and folded them up, settling them on top of the tablet as well, and then turned back to Louis. He kissed him on the lips, then again on the cheek.

“Do you want breakfast?”

“Yes,” Louis hummed, closing his eyes, “Bring it to me here, in bed, so I don’t have to move.”

“I can’t tell if you’re taking the piss or not, but I’ll do it either way.”

“Yes, that’s why I said it,” Louis said. He flicked his gaze to Harry, who just stared at him in turn, and then Louis pointedly rubbed his belly and Harry sighed and pulled the comforter off his legs.

“My boys, so needy,” he shook his head as he climbed out of bed, “Give me a few minutes, okay? What do you want?”

“Anything. No. Oatmeal. Oatmeal with maple syrup and apples.”

“Got it,” Harry said, and then gave Louis another kiss on the top of his head before he left their room, not even bothering to get dressed.

Louis smiled and watched him go, then finally sat up enough that he could get to his thermos of tea and pour himself a cup. He picked up the remote on his bedside table so he could turn on their bedroom TV to one of the racing channels. There was a small race between Germany, Belgium, and Austria today. It would do.

He felt a nudge in his lower belly – not something drastically uncommon now --  and settled a hand where he had felt the movement as he sipped his tea.

“Good morning, Sterling,” he said, “Did my boy sleep well?”

There was another nudge next to his hand, and he smiled and lightly patted his belly as he drank more tea and tried to focus on the screen in front of him.

“Germany is doing well. Austria has some promising talent this year, but they’re individual break outs. The whole team is staying stagnant. They need to get rid of some of the old guard, or at least hold higher standards for their new recruits,” he narrated, “I won’t excuse you to the horrors of the Belgium team until you have the ability to see them for yourself.”

He felt squirming under his hand, but there weren’t any kicks or beating of hands under his skin. In the beginning, he had waited with held breath for every little movement. Now he was just glad to have a little break from the near-constant kicking.

Of course, whenever Harry came back he was sure to hand Louis’s breakfast to him and then settle himself in Louis’s lap and snuggle up to his bump until he felt something again. His boy would apparently never grow tired of it.

And honestly, when Harry came in and did just that about fifteen minutes later, effectively waking Sterling up and pulling Louis away from the German race, and he couldn’t find the energy to be mad.

-

“We’re going out,” Louis announced.

He was pulling on an old hoodie and had Harry’s car keys stuck between his teeth. Once the hoodie was on he took the keys out of his mouth, holding them in his hand as he went to the front door and shoved his feet into the nearest pair of trainers who could find. He didn’t feel like being recognized today. Maybe between the sunglasses and the lack of leather he could get away with it.

“We’re what?” Harry called back, and in a moment, he had emerged from the living room. He was sweaty, and just in his stupid work out shorts, and Louis rolled his eyes.

“Please change out of your yoga attire,” Louis said, “I just want to pop into the shops. I need some things. And I need you to drive me.”

“You know how to drive.”

“Two wheels is my limit. You know that,” Louis said, and lifted the keys out, shaking them in Harry’s direction, “And London traffic is stressful, I can’t afford that in my condition. Please, darling, help me out?”

Harry just stared at him, and then sighed and took the keys.

“Give me ten minutes,” Harry said, “You’re lucky you look very gorgeous today.”

He gave him a kiss on the forehead, and Louis watched him go with a smile.

They were both technically on paid leave starting in a week, but they’d made the decision to combine some of their extra vacation days into an extra week for themselves. Which was good, because it allowed Louis to visit the shops every other day for snacks, and take as many naps as he wanted, and Harry didn’t have to call him to check up and fuss on him, he could just go to the next room.

When they got to the nearest ASDA, it was pretty busy, since it was Sunday and Louis had kind of forgotten about that. But at the very least, they kind of got lost in the crowd. Louis spent far too much time in the snack aisle, just browsing all the different crisps and trying to balance as many as he could in his arms, when Harry prodded him in the side.

“We have a basket,” he said, lifting up the plastic thing in his hands. Louis spared him a glance, and then grabbed one more bag of hot-sauce infused crisps before unceremoniously dumping all the bags into the basket.

“Those things are going to give you heartburn, love,” Harry said.

“My life is one continuous state of heartburn, and it’s not my fault your son wants spicy things constantly,” Louis said, “Oh. Shit. I forgot I wanted mangoes.”

“Okay. Those are on the other side of the store.”

“And I want those pretzel buns you bought for me last week.”

“We can get those, too.”

“And guacamole?”

“Yes, darling,” Harry laughed. He reached out a hand, and Louis took it, and Harry pulled him gently out of the aisle, “We’re not going to get anything if you kept standing here.”

“I was taking my time, alright, leave me alone,” Louis scoffed, but still trailed after Harry.  

They went to the produce stand, and Harry started to bag some mangoes while Louis picked up some bananas, and then went over to the oranges and the strawberries, all of it steadily being balanced in his arms. Smoothie sounded really good.

He went to put them all back in their basket, and was prepared to go look for more things when he felt Harry come up behind him and settle a hand on his belly.

“Hello,” he murmured. His voice had gone a bit thick, and Louis resisted the urge to roll his eyes.

Harry…wasn’t possessive now, exactly. He was just a bit clingy. And liked to know where Louis was. And maybe more than a few times had absentmindedly gnawed on the paling scar of Louis’s bond mark when a random alpha had looked their way for a bit too long.

There was probably some random shopper who had made the mistake of staring at Louis and his giant baby bump for more than two seconds, and now Harry was in one of his moods.

“Harry,” he sighed, “Relax.”

“Okay,” Harry said blandly, before kissing the back of his neck.

“Are you trying to intimidate someone?”

“No.”

“Then what’re you doing?”

“Well. You’re my husband. And that’s our child. And I wanted to say hello.”

“Yes, I know,” Louis said, “Go pick out some grapefruits, okay?”

Harry sighed, and then wandered over to the nearest fruit stand to get a bag. Louis shook his head as he picked up a carton of blueberries and looked at it.

It took just another moment for Harry to drop the grapefruits into their overflowing basket, and then he was squeezing Louis’s hip and kissing his shoulder.

“Harry, can you please tell me whom or what you are jealous of at the moment so I can be specific when I tell you it doesn’t matter?” Louis asked.

Harry groaned and just stayed close to him, not letting go of his hip.

“People are looking.”

“Yes, darling. I’m famous.”

“No, Lou, like – “

“Harry, I’m also, like, extremely pregnant. Sometimes I get looked at. It’s fine. You’re going to be fine.”

Harry groaned in frustration and prodded Louis’s side again.

“Look outside.”

So Louis lifted his head and glanced towards the sliding doors nearby, ready to look away quickly. But he kept his gaze on the doors.

“Ah, shit,” he mumbled.

There were fucking paps outside. For the record, that was probably partially his fault. What else did paparazzi have to do on a Sunday afternoon than follow around a retired athlete as he went grocery shopping? He should’ve done this on a Friday night at 2 in the morning.

“Well, guess we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.”

“So, in ten minutes, when we check out?”

“Excuse you, we don’t have nearly all the things I want. Go get another basket and stop worrying.”

Harry just looked at him, and then leaned forward and gave him a kiss on the forehead.

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s alright.”

“It just – “ Harry licked his lips, “You remember the Mail pictures, righ?”

“Uh huh.”

“The paps that took them didn’t give you any trouble, did they?”

“No. Maybe shouted a little. Nothing too memorable,” Louis shrugged, “Look, if they give us trouble, we’ll just flip them off, and then they can’t put them print. And if we take long enough, maybe they’ll get bored and leave.”

That made Harry smile against Louis’s forehead, and then he pulled back and hefted their full basket off the floor.

“Alright, what else did you want?”

-

They finished in another half hour, because Louis kept remembering things he wanted, and everything just happened on the opposite side of the store from where they currently were. Harry looked exhausted from the whole ordeal, but he still kissed the back of Louis’s head as they carried their bags back towards the exit.

The paps were still there, because of course they were. Louis rolled his eyes and glanced at Harry quickly as they started outside. In a second, Harry hooked an arm around his shoulder, pressing his mouth to his neck, just below his ear. It only lasted for second, and then his mouth was away, but he still stayed close by as they went into the open lot.  

Louis spared a quick glance to the men standing nearby, dressed in all black with red ribbons, when the first click of cameras went off. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Harry get out his eyes and unlock the car. This would be over soon enough.

“Hi, Racer Tomlinson, how are you today?” one of them called out.

“I’m fine, thanks,” Louis said, “Where are you lads from, then?”

“The Mail,” one offered.

“The Sun.”

“Whoever’ll pay the most for these pictures,” the last said, which made the others laugh weakly.

“Right, well, I’d hate to interfere with your job, go on,” Louis said drily. He felt a tap on his shoulder and turned to see Harry holding out a hand, and Louis handed him one of his bags.

“You brought your baby daddy with you, I see,” one of the paps said behind him. Louis was facing away from them so he didn’t exactly feel bad for rolling his eyes.

“My husband came with me, yes,” he said. He settled another bag into the boot, and then handed another one off to Harry, who gave him a soft smile in turn. Louis tried to speak to him with his eyes. We’ll be home soon.

“You’ve got a quiet alpha there,” a voice said behind him, and Jesus, what Louis would do for a quiet paparazzi.

“Doesn’t have to speak to you boys, does he,” Louis said. He settled the last bag into the boot and then let Harry close for him. He glanced over at his shoulder, to where the cameras were still raised behind him.

“You done now? We have places to be,” Louis said. He practically snapped it, but he couldn’t bring himself to care.  

“Oh, come on, love,” one of the paps sighed. Louis might have imagined it, but he thought he felt Harry bristle next to him at the man calling Louis love, “You have to give us something to work with here before you go.”

“I don’t have to do anything for you,” Louis snapped. He was really snapping now, and his voice was edging into the fake-alpha voice he used to use. Only now, it just made the fuckers behind him laugh.

“Oh, come on. Take off the jacket. Rub the belly a bit.”

“Louis,” Harry said softly, holding onto Louis’s bicep, “Let’s just go.”

“Yeah,” Louis sighed, “Let’s, Jesus, my feet hurt.”

He started to wander over the passenger seat, when of course, there was another voice behind. Louis vaguely recognized it as the one from the Sun.

“Or I can come over there, rub your belly for you, gorgeous,” he called, “Looks like your alpha can’t take care of a bitch like you.”

It happened quickly, but in a moment Harry’s arm was around Louis’s shoulders, and then another arm circling his middle, his hand spread over the very middle of Louis’s stomach. When Louis looked over, he saw that Harry’s teeth were flashing. And he was fucking growling, the sound coming from deep in his throat.

“You,” Harry gritted out, “Do not get to talk to my mate like that.”

Louis blinked, and didn’t even bother to look over at the paps. They’d gone quiet, even their cameras had stopped clicking for a moment. Of course it took another alpha for them to be quiet.

Harry kept an arm around Louis’ middle, but dropped one from his shoulders so he could open Louis’s door for him.

“Let’s go,” he said, his voice soft and nearly wavering again. Louis just nodded quickly and letting Harry keep hold of his hips as he got into the car.

In another moment, Harry was in the driver’s seat and was pulling a bit too quickly out of the parking lot.

They drove in silence for a while, and Louis just watched Harry, and how tightly he was gripping the wheel and how blown his eyes looked as he focused on the road. Louis couldn’t figure out if Harry was rattled at the situation or himself, and he also knew that he wasn’t going to be the one to break the silence.

So Louis flipped down his mirror and looked at himself, fussing with his fringe as he began to speak.

“You know, sometimes I miss pretending to be an alpha. I could certainly get through life with much less hassle.”

Harry sighed, his breath shaky, and Louis finally looked over at him again.

“Louis,” Harry murmured, “Louis, I’m so sorry.”

“It’s fine, love.”

“I shouldn’t have done that. That’s not an acceptable way to behave,” Harry reached his hand up and rubbed it over his face and then shook his head, “None of that concerned me, either. I should have just stayed quiet and let you handle it. Because you can handle it. You don’t need me to fucking growl at strangers for you, Jesus.”

“Harry,” Louis said firmly. He reached across the console and grabbed Harry’s hand, prying his stubborn fingers off the wheel so he could hold his hand. He squeezed carefully, and then rested his other hand on top of Harry’s own. They were at a red light, so Harry went ahead and looked over at Louis as he spoke.

“First of all, it did involve you, because that prick was insulting you, too. Second of all, just because I can handle things doesn’t mean I want to do it constantly.”

He lifted Harry’s hand and kissed his knuckles, which made Harry smile before he had to turn his head and focus on the road again.

“You’re a good alpha, darling. And if you want to protect me, I’m going to let you, because I know that’s what you want to do.”

Harry exhaled shakily, and pulled on their joined hands so he could kiss Louis’s knuckles, right above where his wedding ring would normally be if his fingers weren’t so swollen.

“I love you,” Harry said, “And I want to take care of you, and Sterling, when he comes, and I just – “

Harry exhaled shakily. They were nearing their street, and he unlocked his fingers from Louis’s grasp so he could put both hands on the steering wheel as he turned the corner.

“I want to make sure I’m not doing anything that would make you unhappy,” he said, “I can’t protect you from everything, and I know you don’t want me to, and – I just need you to tell me when you need me to step back.”

They were nearly to their house, and Louis just sat quietly as Harry finally pulled into their driveway. When he killed the engine, he looked to Louis with wide eyes, but before he could say anything else, Louis unbuckled his seat belt, surged forward and kissed him firmly on the lips.

“I love you,” he said when he pulled away, “And you did good today. Okay?”

“Okay,” Harry slowly said.

“And if there’s some stupid headline about us tomorrow morning, you are not going to read it. Okay?”

“I – “ Harry stuttered, but Louis gave him another firm look and he tilted his gaze down and sighed, “Yes.”

“Good,” Louis smiled and offered his lips for another kiss, which Harry took, pressing their mouths together until Louis had to put a hand on his husband’s chest to get him to stop.

“Now, though, I want lunch.”

“Oh, god,” Harry said, “It’s three in the afternoon, Louis, have you not had lunch? Shit, what do you want me to make? I’ll have it ready in ten minutes.”

“Harry, love,” Louis said, “I’m fine, I had a big breakfast. I’ll have a snack while you cook.”

“Okay. Okay, good,” Harry sighed, and Louis just shook his head and reached out again, pushing a rogue curl off of Harry’s temple.

“Good alpha,” he murmured softly, and Harry just blinked at him with wide, gentle eyes that made Louis’s mouth twitch up.

He had such a sweet boy. A sweet boy who was always going to do his best for Louis, for their family.

He kissed Harry’s nose quickly before he forced himself to reach behind him and unlock the car door.

“Come on,” he said, tucking a hand under his belly as he prepared to move, “Let’s go inside.”

[folkloreguk]

Pick Me Up (optional bias smut)

(yes I did use ioi’s song as a title for my smut pls don’t fight me) 

warnings: smut, horrible pick-up lines

pairing: reader (fem) x optional bias (male)

A/N: I thought about Ilhoon from BTOB when I wrote this but you can literally imagine anyone! I didn’t proof read this bc it’s late and I wanted to post it, but I’ll do that tomorrow. I hope you won’t find mistakes and even if you do, enjoy reading!! x

(H/N means “his name”)

[I wish I could tag my masterlist here, but if I do this post won’t show up for you guys anymore, but I havea link in my description!]

You were convinced. He was the most annoying fuckboy you had ever met. There were at least 10 other girls in your class, that were just as good looking as you. But for some reason he had chosen you. You didn’t understand why, but ever since he had first seen you, he hadn’t stopped trying to get with you. The amount of times he had asked you for your number was out of control. Not that you were going to give it to him any time soon.

You had to admit, he was smooth. He never seemed to run out of energy when it came to making up pick-up lines and asking you about your previous boyfriend. You had broken up with him after he had cheated on you. It turned out he had only been in it for the sex, and it prompted you to have lost all trust in boys. Otherwise, mr. fuckboy was the annoying but smart kid in class, who every teacher wanted to hate. They simply couldn’t, though, because no matter how many silly remarks he made, he always made up for them with just as many clever ones. He did manage to make you laugh too, at times when you weren’t busy being annoyed at him. All he seemed to think about was sex. And you.

The worst part about hating his acting though, was, by far, his handsomeness. Of course you would never admit it in his presence, but you didn’t exactly think he was ugly. But being attractive wasn’t all it took to make you open up to him. A boy. Boys, of whom you knew you shouldn’t trust them ever again. Sometimes you felt yourself doubting your devotion when you stared at him. When he grinned slyly after having made a smooth remark towards you before he turned around in his seat, facing the teacher who had probably warned him about interrupting the lesson already. But you were strong-willed.

“Shut up,” you muttered at him under your breath, glancing at the clock in the corner of the class room. 5 minutes to go. You can do this. He grinned, not fazed by your comment. He had just showed you an actual screw he had brought from home. “Wanna screw?” had his exact words been. You had never been this done with anyone. Lucky for him, your teacher had no interest in warning his students for interrupting. Especially because no one was listening anymore when there were only 4 minutes of the lesson left.

“I admit, not my best one. Here’s another one,” he said. Oh boy, here we go again. “If I flip a coin, what are my chances of getting head?”

You wished in that exact moment you could slap his smirk off his face. Why did he have to sit in front of you? 3 minutes left.

“Your chances are smaller than zero, how many times do I have to tell you?” you muttered.

“Actually, my chances would be 50%. But I guess you- Ow!” he let out, as you had smacked his arm playfully. “You know you’ll say yes one day.”

“In your dreams,” you laughed ironically. “Can’t you just behave like any other normal student for a minute?”

And so he did. For the last minute, he turned around and shut up. You were almost impressed. Now and then you caught him taking a glimpse at the clock on the wall, eager to leave just like anyone else in the room. At the same time, you caught yourself staring at him. Black skinny jeans, deep blue sweater, some sneakers. Nothing out of the ordinary. His hair looked a little messy from where he ran his hand through it earlier (Not that you had noticed that, too). Then, the bell rang. Finally. Voices bubbled up and chairs scratched over the floor. You packed your bag just as he stood up, placing his own bag on his table. Rummaging through it, he pulled his phone out, checking the screen. A second later, his face darkened in concern.

“Crap. There’s something wrong with my phone,” he cursed. You were 900% ready to get out of this classroom, but being the good person you were, you worried at his genuinely stressed expression. When he was being normal for a minute, you couldn’t help but be polite.

“What is it?” you asked. He looked at you for a moment, then sighed.

“Your number isn’t in it,” he said, sounding completely serious. Was he for real?

“And that’s the way it should be,” you caught yourself. “I need my break from you when I’m at home.”

And with that, you left him standing. If you just had his determination and used it for school work, you’d have heavenly grades. You dragged your body home, feeling unusually tired. You didn’t have a big appetite, which was unusual, and couldn’t focus on anything.

The next day you were sick. You were sure it was nothing serious, but decided to stay at home either way. At least in your bed you would be left alone. No pick-up lines for a day seemed like a week of holidays to you. It was a Thursday filled with coughing, sipping hot tea and watching your favorite TV show. You felt better in the evening, but not exactly healthy.

The next day you walked into the kitchen. It was morning and you were ready to leave for school again. The second your mother heard the ugly cough leave your throat, though, she sent you straight back to bed. Fine, you thought. Even though you didn’t feel sick anymore, another day in bed surely wouldn’t hurt. It was Friday anyway, allowing you to be excited about the weekend already.

Around noon you decided to check your phone for messages from your friends. You were sure you had missed homework and other school stuff you didn’t exactly feel like dealing with. To your surprise, none of your friends had messaged you about homework. Instead, you found a text from an unknown number.

unknown number: hey

                                                you: who is this?? 

unknown number: if you were a Pokemon, I’d choose you

                                               you: how the hell did u get my number??????? 

unknown number: we got paired up for a project

                                               you: what u talking abt??? 

unknown number: mr. smiths made us a pair for the history projects so ur friend had to give me ur number. its due to monday

                                               you: what the hell???? 

unknown number: I didn’t come up with the dead line

unknown number: btw what’s with all the question marks

                                              you: it’s called confusion

                                              you: so when do we meet up? 

unknown number: tomorrow? my place

You knew your parents wouldn’t be at home all day, and praying that his would be, you said yes. So there was still a small chance you wouldn’t have to spend an entire afternoon in a house alone with him.

On Saturday afternoon you had thrown on a random sweater with some pants, your sneakers and left your house. When you pulled up in his driveway you instantly noticed the lack of cars. He’s not getting into my pants, you told yourself. Why did you even have to remind yourself? For some reason, you felt nervous.

He ripped the door open around two seconds after you had rang the bell. In surprise, you flinched. The way he leaned against the door frame and grinned smugly made you frustrated. And you hadn’t even entered the house.

“Come in,” he made a dramatic gesture behind him, waving you inside. It almost made you laugh. Almost.

“Okay, first of all, rules.” You entered the house and looked around.

“Rules? What is this? BDSM?” he asked. You rolled your eyes. He nodded his head towards the stairs and you followed him.

“Focus,” you said, making him chuckle even more. “No pick-up lines. We need to get stuff done if this needs to be finished by Monday. I really need a good grade on this. Smiths already hates me for no reason.”

“Do I really distract you that badly?” he asked, smirking and turning around to you. His hair was messy, but in a good-looking way. His collar bones peeked out from under his shirt. You guessed he did distract you a little.

“See? That’s what I meant. Keep those comments in. At least until we’re back at school,” you said, entering his room after him. It looked cozy, and like he had just cleaned up. You hadn’t expected him to be messy, but not this clean either.

“Oh, I’m sorry. That’s literally my character, if you haven’t noticed yet, sweetheart,” he said, sitting down at his table, smirking again.

“Sweetheart?” you asked in disbelief. You realized that he wouldn’t stop with his comments until you did. And because fighting wouldn’t get you anywhere, you decided to shut up and start working. Your topic was the most boring subject you had ever heard about, making it even more bothersome to research it. It had been at least three hours. He had kept quite calm throughout it all, but you still seemed to struggle to make progress. You had taken your space on the floor, leaning against his bed. Around you, pens and papers were sprawled across the floor while you bit your lip trying to figure out a structure for your presentation.

“I need a break,” he murmured quietly from his desk. You only hummed, your thoughts focused on the presentation. Your hand ran through your hair, sighing in stress. He cleared his throat, making you jump.

“Looks like you could need a break too,” he laughed. “I’m gonna get a glass of water. Do you want one as well?”

Still in concentration, you snapped out of your trance slowly. You got up while nodding, deciding he was right, for once.

You watched the back of his head as he walked. The work had made you sleepy and dizzy, a little as if you were drunk. Crazy thoughts flooded your brain all of a sudden. Your fingertips tickled at the thought of running your hands through his hair, down the nape of his neck. You had always loved his neck, you just never had admitted it. Shaking your head, you asked yourself what had suddenly gotten into you. All you hoped for was for the water to wake you up and let you focus again. You entered the kitchen.

You thanked him when he handed you a glass of cold water. After you had downed it, you still didn’t think clearer.

“I don’t think we’ll get to finish this today. My mom wants me to be home by eight for dinner,” you admitted. It was already half eight. “What are you doing tomorrow?”

For a moment he blinked at you, then he grinned. You already knew what that expression meant.

“I mean…hopefully you…,” he mumbled. When you playfully lifted your hand as if to smack him, he held up both hands in surrender and giggled. “Okay! I don’t have plans, alright?”

“That’s literally all you had to say,” you let out, shaking your head at him.

“Y/N. Be honest for once. You like my pick-up lines,” he urged you. You laughed ironically. “Deep down, you do.”

“You drive me insane,” you said.

“That wasn’t a no!” he yelled in success, putting down his glass. “Come on. What’s so bad about me? What wrong have I ever done to you?”

You were taken aback by his sudden question. What wrong had he done to you? He had never been rude, only his goofy, sex-obsessed self. You glanced at his face. His eyes were waiting for an answer, hands crossed above his chest.

“I’m just not very fond of boys after my ex cheated-” you began.

“Seriously? You compare me to your ex-boyfriend?” he asked, genuinely offended. It was true, he was nothing like your ex. Much funnier, to begin with.

“I’m not comparing you! I guess I just don’t want to get involved with a guy any time soon,” you admitted.

“It’s not like I want to get married to you!” he argued.

“Wow, thanks,” you laughed at his defensiveness. “What do you want, then?”

He tilted his head at your question as if saying “Are you serious?”. Suddenly, he took a step towards you, startling you. Your body backed up against the counter, hands gripping the hard material as he studied your face.

“You know exactly what I want,” he breathed out. His face was so close to yours, you could feel the air from his lungs on your skin. It made your heart beat restlessly. His hand went under your chin, as if telling you. It was you, he wanted. You waited for his lips, but they never touched yours. He was waiting for your reaction. You realized he wasn’t going to kiss you without your consent. The boy wasn’t just determined, he also had one hell lot of self-control. Unlike you.

You closed the space between the two of you, lips colliding. Kissing him felt like triggering an avalanche of built-up frustration and emotions that had only been waiting to break free. His hands grabbed your sides roughly. He finally had what he wanted. In agreement, he let out a low sound when you pushed your body against his, chests touching. His tongue swiped over your lip, and you opened your mouth instantly. He tasted of bubble gum and smelled of cologne. His hands were even more eager than his mind, exploring your hips and waist, tugging at your clothes impatiently. You felt as if a ton-heavy weight was slowly lifting off you as you relaxed against his controlling touch and dominant kisses. He was right. Sex wouldn’t hurt your feelings. Not like your ex-boyfriend had. But your thoughts of him washed away in a blink when the boy in front of you pulled away and turned his attention to your neck. Your breath was shaky when he kissed you roughly, his teeth scraping against your skin. For a moment you let your head hang back, closing your eyes. His lips were soft but so passionate at the same time.

When your eyes opened, they fell onto the clock above the fridge. It was five to eight. Your eyes widened in shock.

“Wait, hold on,” you mumbled, softly tugging at his shirt. The look he gave you resembled a puppy whose food had been taken away. “I gotta get home, or else my mom kills me. She wants to have a family dinner. I’m sorry.”

He pouted, but nodded hesitantly. You wished you could’ve just been that rebel that ignored their parents for once. But that’s not who you were.

“But you’ll come over again tomorrow, right?” he asked, hope in his look as he showed you the way to the door.

“Yeah. To finish the project,” you emphasized.

“Sure,” he grinned, rolling his eyes. For the first time, you couldn’t blame him for thinking about sex now.

“I mean it! We’re not even halfway through, especially the presentation is not even close to finishing. We still need to write the entire text and draw the map. It’ll never work out,” you suddenly started to worry. Tomorrow was your last day and you had to spend it working with a boy that was sexually frustrated because of you. Which you, by the way, were as well.

“I’ll work on it tonight, maybe I get to finish it,” he said, completely calm.

“If you finish the project tonight I’m the princess of China,” you joked.

“And you’d let me have what I want?” he asked, unfazed. Let him have what he wanted. You laughed at him. There was no way he could finish the project by himself, in that short time. But a boy can dream.

“Yeah, sure,” you said, already out the door. “Bye. See you tomorrow.”

The next day at 3 you left your house, your bag full of pens, books and paper. You remembered the way to his house perfectly, and pulled up in front of it 10 minutes later. You chewed on your lip nervously whilst waiting for the door to swing open. You had thought the feeling would’ve gone away by now. But no way. The second you laid eyes on him when he opened up, you wanted him even more than yesterday. His hair looked freshly done but you wished you could mess it up. His lips were parted slightly as his gaze ran over your figure. You hadn’t worn anything special, just casual clothes. Yet he eyed you as if he never wanted to look at anyone else. When his look met yours, you looked away shyly.

“Come on in,” he said, completely relaxed. Without words you followed him to his room. The half which had the bed looked practically untouched. The other half, however, was a tornado-like chaos. Various pens sprawled across all surfaces and paper with messy notes covered every surface.

“Told you,” he grinned proudly. You lifted your eyebrows when he carefully stepped over the paper maze and grabbed a stack of them. Proudly, he handed it to you. You couldn’t believe your eyes. While he watched you, your eyes scanned the text quickly, making sure it made sense. You had known he was smart, but not this smart. Suddenly you wished you could do all of your projects with him.

“You did this by yourself? Last night?” you asked, still surprised. He chuckled.

“Indeed. It took me until three in the morning, but it’s done now,” he said. “Not a big deal.”

“Why didn’t you work that hard yesterday when I was over?” you asked.

“Honestly? I wanted you to stay over longer,” he admitted. His determination was definitely out of control.

“And now you asked me to meet again. If you were finished anyway you didn’t need me to come over,” you noticed. Then you remembered his words from last evening. He wanted his reward. You caught him licking his lips and your stomach flipped. Quickly, you looked over the text in your hands again.

“Is this how badly you want to get into my pants?” you joked, gesturing to the paper.

„Actually I think I just discovered my love for the history of the Medieval and Modern Africa,“ he explained matter-of-factly. You laughed out, and at the sound his eyes crinkled up too.

“Oh, of course, I’m sure of it,” you played along. “You know I could still say no now, and you’d have to accept it, right?”

He thought for a second.

„Sure, you could and I would. That sounds a lot like you’re saying yes, though,” he commented, smirking his famous, way too confident smile. He had never been more right and you knew it.

“Look. This one time, I’ll let you get away with it. But for the record, you can’t buy me with work. I’m only agreeing because I wa-” you started, holding up your finger. Suddenly, he walked over to you, grabbed your sides and attacked your mouth with his. You let out a surprised sound and stumbled backwards. You didn’t fall, though, because his grip on you was tight and after three chaotic steps your back hit the wall. There was no way for you to leave now, (not that you wanted to anyway) as his hands lay flat against the wall on your sides and he kissed you like his life depended on it.

He wasn’t doing anything particularly dominant, but the way he had you caged between the wall and his body and controlled the way you kissed him made your knees feel weak. Your previous boyfriend had made you feel good, but in a very sweet way. The boy that was all over you right now, however, seemed to not have the word vanilla in his vocabulary. You had no problem with him being rough. When you thought about it you let out a low whimper, to which he responded with a low growl.

“I’ve waited for so long, I thought I was gonna go insane,” he breathed against your lips as your chest heaved at the intensity of his kisses. You didn’t know how to speak anymore. Instead, you grabbed his neck and pulled him against you again. The way his tongue moved over yours made you wonder what else it could do to you. Involuntarily, your legs pressed together.

His hands were pulling your hair softly before moving downwards. Almost innocently they wandered over your chest, but you instantly arched your back, wanting more. They continued over your sides, holding you firmly by your hips. Then, they began lifting your top eagerly. You didn’t hesitate. It landed on the floor and meanwhile, he took off his own. You eyes barely had any time to admire his toned upper body, before they closed when his lips attacked your neck fiercely. His hands grabbed your ass and you moaned slightly. The way his lips played with your senses made you feel like melting underneath his teasing touch. They were rough and biting, and a second later soft and soothing. Your head leaned against the wall as he skillfully opened your bra, letting you toss it to the side carelessly. You whimpered at the sudden contact when his lips closed around one of your nipples, his hand playing with the other. His teeth grazed over your skin repeatedly, surely leaving purple marks. At least no one would see them there.

When he pressed his body against yours, you felt the bulge in his pants had grown. That didn’t take long, you thought proudly. On the other hand, you weren’t surprised. He was basically begging you to let him fuck you on a daily basis. You laughed quietly. While he was playing with the waistband of your pants, almost dragging them down, he reacted.

“What’s so funny?” he asked, confused but amused. You blushed, helping him to get rid off your pants, his following afterward.

“I was just thinking about how happy you must be now,” you explained, teasing him.

“I’m in heaven,” he didn’t hesitate to say. You were busy laughing as he took your arm and lead you to his comfortable looking bed. Turns out it didn’t just look the way. First, you admired his soft sheets, but then your focus diverted to him. To his mouth, to be exact. He kissed down your chest teasingly, but you felt how eager he was to get to your lower region. His hands stroking over your hips so tenderly were a massive contrast to his mouth. He licked and bit your skin until he reached the material of your underwear.

“You’re sure about this, right?” he asked. You wondered about his sudden hesitation.

“Of course I am,” you assured him, begging him to continue with your look.

“And you’ve done this before, right?” he asked. You were taken aback.

“What made you think I haven’t?” you asked, getting really impatient by the second.

“I just thought…, maybe you didn’t react to my pick up lines and jokes because you had never-” he explained. You laughed out. He looked puzzled.

“The problem wasn’t that I hadn’t had sex before, which I have, by the way. Your pick-up lines are just really, really bad,” you joked, grinning at him. He was playfully outraged.

“Okay, wait, you’ll love this one. Why do-,” he began, but was cut off by your voice.

“I am laying on your bed, half-naked and you’re trying to impress me with a pick-up line? You can do better than that,” you scolded him, chuckling. The tension between your legs became more unbearable with every passing second of him not touching you, and you couldn’t handle it.

“You’re right. I’ll show you how to be truly impressed, don’t worry,” he was back to being his cocky self. You were almost glad, because finally he pulled down your underwear. You lifted yourself up on your forearms, watching him as he breathed hot air against your wet center. Gently, his arms wrapped around your bent legs, laying on your lower stomach.

“Please, hurry,” you begged. He smirked, and you almost regretted saying it. Then you sucked in a breath when he licked a stripe over your folds, teasing you endlessly. He chuckled lowly when you let out a mix between a whimper and a groan, only leaving you more eager. His tongue was way too gentle on you. Forcingly, he pushed your legs apart further, giving him better access. When his tongue went over your clit, he suddenly stopped the game. While his finger nails dug into your stomach’s skin, he sucked on your clit, first hard, then softly and so on. He hadn’t been lying. Your throat left a breathy moan when he continued with licking, this time stronger than at first. As time went on, his muscle became faster and you felt yourself become weaker. You had to admit, he looked extra good laying between your thighs. You smiled in bliss, forgetting everything else around you.

“You’re so damn good at this,” you said, but the last part ended in a whimper when he payed extra attention to your sweet spot, making you see stars for a second.

“Told you,” he mumbled, barely pulling away. The vibrations his voice sent through you made you grip the bedsheets tightly. “If you would’ve only realized it sooner.”

He smirked up at you, not stopping his actions. Your stomach twisted in pleasure and anticipation. At this point, holding yourself up was no point anymore. You let your upper body fall backwards, the soft sheets catching you as you closed your eyes. You felt like you wanted to get even closer, although his face was basically buried between your legs. You squirmed under his grip when you felt yourself near your release.

“Stay still for me,” he ordered. There was only a little dominance in his voice, yet it made you want to behave. Even though you knew you couldn’t.

“But I’m so close,” you whimpered. He only took your words as a motivation. Faintly, you wondered how he had gotten so good with his mouth. His hands made you shiver even though they were gripping your body with roughness, keeping you in place. As you felt yourself get closer and closer to your release, your hands went to his hair. He slowed down for a second, but then he realized you didn’t want him to stop. The short break seemed to have left you even more sensitive. When he began sucking your sweet spot again, you almost couldn’t take it. His tongue leaped at your clit quickly. All you could do was close your eyes and attempt to control your moans. Within seconds you were coming, squirming underneath his touch while pulling his hair. Your back arched off the mattress and you moaned his name, no one else on your mind. He slowed down his actions and you shook slightly when he licked your over-sensitive clit one last time before pulling away.

For a few seconds you caught your breath, feeling his arms loosening their grip and his hands stroking over your skin soothingly. You stared at the ceiling for a while as your chest heaved, eyes blinking slowly. For some reason, you didn’t have enough of him yet. When you looked down, he was already staring up at you, grinning proudly at your expression. He gave you no signs of being eager, even though you were pretty sure he was. He was simply admiring you. It made you feel slightly weird.

“Are you not gonna take your pants off?” you asked. He laughed at your comment, shaking his head out of his focused state. Then, he got up and did just that. His boner was prominent and looked almost painful. He made a move towards the bed, almost as if he was going to climb on top of you. Then, he stopped in his tracks.

“Wait-” you began. Use protection, kids.

“Condom, I know,” he said, digging through his dressing table. When he finally scrambled onto the bed, he seemed to have lost all patience. Your hands went around his neck while he pumped his shaft a few times, squinting his eyebrows at the built up tension.

“Ready?” he asked you. You nodded before he had even finished the word. He entered you slowly, but wasted no time in picking up pace. At first, you whimpered at how he filled you up and how sensitive you were. Then, you got lost in the way he bit his lip and how his jaw flexed under his skin. His moans sounded like music to your ears. He was holding himself up on his arms while your legs bent a little, making him slam into you at a perfect angle. You cried out when he almost pulled out fully, only to thrust back into you until his hips met yours, his skin hot against yours. Your hands were playing with his soft hair by the nape of his neck, while he lowered his head a little. He wasn’t kissing you, but your lips were touching slightly, your unsteady breaths becoming one. He repeated your name a few times, as if praising you. His arms flexed under his weight, his veins standing out.

His member brushed over your sweet spot over and over, making you clench around him. He grunted at the sensation, only leading you to do it again. You loved seeing the way he shut his eyes tightly, concentrating on the pleasure. His thrusts were quick, but seemed less controlled than in the beginning, meaning he must have been close. Curses left his mouth, while you moaned softly. His motion became even quicker as he buried his head in the crook of your neck, lips hovering over your skin. His name slipped past your lips when he messily kissed you there, not slowing down his thrusts. When you clenched your walls around him again, he was sent over the edge.

He groaned, his arms giving out and he fell onto his forearms, basically laying on top of you now. His skin was hot and his breaths uncontrolled, face still in your neck. When he looked up at you he looked thoroughly content. You grinned tiredly. He pulled out carefully, making you whimper. For a few seconds you stayed that way, catching your breaths. It was quiet in the room, and you felt energetic and at the same time completely exhausted. Of course he was the first to speak.

“Don’t you wanna hear my pick-up line from earlier?” he asked. You almost smacked him. Then, you laughed.

“Okay, tell me,” you said, leaving him surprised. He was going to tell you anyway.

“People call me H/N, but you can call me tomorrow.”

[mel-the-fangirl]

Back To You - Requested

Tom Holland x Reader

Words: 2,301 (I have no self control. I’m sorry.)

Requested by: anonymous

“Can you do a tom holland x reader where toms really sad and stuff bc he hasnt seen his gf in a long time but he doesn’t know she’s flying out to see him bc she missed him too?? And she brings tess and it’s just a cute ass family reunion between the three :)”

GOOD LORD, I’M SO FUCKING SCARED TO POST THIS BECAUSE I KNOW IT’S SHIT. I AM SO SORRY PLEASE FORGIVE ME I STILL HOPE YOU LIKE IT! REQUESTS ARE CLOSED FOR NOW! SORRY!

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One week.

Seven days.

One hundred and sixty-eight hours.

And counting.

How Tom had managed that long without you was a mystery to him. Never had he ever dreamed to be away from you this long, or at all really but it was part of the job. He had to do what he had to do. He all but begged you to come with him and Harrison to Montreal but you couldn’t just leave your job indefinitely. He fully accepted and respected your decision, but that didn’t mean he didn’t miss you like all hell.

Week one of filming for ‘Chaos Walking’ had just wrapped, and he was so fucking exhausted. This was by far the hardest film he has ever shot, next to ‘The Impossible’. Tom was tired and all he wanted wanted was to curl up on the couch with you, watching Friends reruns on the telly.

He was lying in his bed after a particularly trying day of filming, you already had your nightly FaceTime session earlier but he still couldn’t sleep. He missed having you to curl up next to,.He turned over to his side and clicked open his phone, looks like he was going to have to spend some time on Instagram until he passed out from exhaustion.

It wasn’t a good enough distraction though. You were still ever present in his thoughts. Tom typed out a single text to you,

I miss you so so much, Y/N. I love you.

A succession of beeps coming from his phone diverted his attention. Tom raised the phone to his face to see your sleepy one staring back at him. Tears immediately began to flood his vision, he mentally cursed himself for losing his composure so quickly.

“Hi, my darling girl.” he rasped out. His eyes took the sight of you in through his phone screen, he cherished every detail.

You tried to stifle a yawn as you waved at him. “Hey, Tom. Is everything okay? Your text woke me up, I just wanted to see you and check in.” you said though you could barely keep your eyes open

Tom chuckled at how you were widening your eyes in an attempt to keep them focused on him. “Y-Yeah. Yeah, I’m okay. I just miss you.. Miss you a lot, Y/N.” In a matter of seconds, he broke down completely.

“God.. God, Y/N. I miss you, I miss you so much.” he cried

The sound of Tom crying completely woke you up as if someone had thrown a bucket of ice cold water all over you. Clamoring alarm bells were going off inside your head while you watched Tom’s face twist in pain, he was moving to sit up, like if he stayed down any longer he would drown in his own tears.

“Tom..” you weakly trailed off. You hoped and prayed that the right words would come to you.

“Tom, I love you. I love you so much.” was all you managed to say as you began to choke up as well

You didn’t notice Tessa climb into bed next to you. Next thing you knew, she was licking away your tears.

“Tess! Tom, look who’s come to see you.” Focusing your camera on the both of you, you watched with a heavy heart as Tom held back more tears. Tessa began to whine as well.

“Oh, my beautiful girls. I miss you both so much. I’m sorry I woke you, love. I’m just having such a rough time without you.”

“I know. I miss you too, Tom. You know you can call me any time.”

You two continued to talk into the night (morning for you), he told you all about the set and the cast while you told him about your days at work. Most of the things you told each other, you already knew. You didn't think this was your first time speaking in a week, did you? Hell no. The time you two spent apart were filled in with calls and texts, FaceTime was like a staple for your relationship.

When you opened your eyes, the first thing you saw was Tom’s sleeping face, or at least the upper half of it. You two must’ve fallen asleep at some point, which was good, Tom was always telling you how tired he was. A groan left your lips as you stretched, it was almost time for you to get ready for work.

“I’ve got to go now, Tom.” you whispered, watching him stir as he slept. “I’ll text as I always do. I love you.”

“Mmm. I love you so much, Y/N.” he mumbled sleepily in reply

His groggy deep voice made you swoon all the way from across the pond. Very very reluctantly, you ended FaceTime and got up to start your day.

--------------

It was the middle of Tom’s second week in Montreal, he felt as if he’s already been there for months. Each and everyday he’d return to their temporary home, body aching, his reprieves being your texts and calls, FaceTime, Harrison making him food, and sleep. That being said, when you missed your regular FaceTime session before Tom went to bed, it worried him. He rang you close to about thirty times with no answer.

He tried to be understanding about it. Tom knew that sooner or later your current situation would begin to take its toll on the both of you so instead of trying you again, he just sent you a text saying that you must’ve fallen asleep but it was alright, he was just going to bed, and he loved you.

Though he said he was going to bed, the lack of seeing your face and hearing your voice made it close to impossible for him to get settled. He tossed and turned the entire night, well into the wee hours of the morning.

“Oh, fuck this.” he grumbled, flinging the blankets off his tired body. It was pointless, Harrison was set to wake him up in a few minutes anyway. Fuck sleep.

He blindly made his way through his dark room, stubbing his toe on the doorframe in the process. Tom let out a hearty string of curses that would make a sailor blush, and exited his room. Harrison wasn’t up yet so he just sat on the couch, checking his phone to see if you had finally replied.

You hadn’t.

Was he seeing things? Maybe it was just the lack of sleep that was making his eyes play tricks on him. He brought both hands up to his eyes palmed them gently, God he was so fucking tired. Although it soothed him a great deal, it still didn’t change the fact that you hadn’t replied to him, or texted or called. At all.

“You’re up early.”

The sound of Harrison’s voice did nothing to distract Tom from his worried thoughts about you, he bit on his thumbnail as he stared ahead.

“Tom?” Harrison walked over to his best friend and put a hand on his shoulder. The sudden contact shocked Tom, he looked at Harrison, confused.

“Oh, hey. I didn’t see you come in.” he said distractedly, shifting in his seat. Tom continued to bite on his nail, staring ahead.

“What’s the matter?” Harrison asked, heading back to kitchen area to cook breakfast

“Y/N hasn’t been answering my texts. She missed FaceTime last night.” he stated, rubbing his tired eyes

Harrison frowned, he thought it was rather odd, that wasn’t something you usually did. He kept that thought to himself though, he knew he shouldn’t stress Tom out before an even more stressful day.

“Well, I’m sure she has a good reason. When has Y/N ever let you down?”

“Right. You’re right.” Tom nodded firmly, trying to grasp at any reassurance he could get

You were fine, you were safe, and you surely had a good reason for not responding to his attempts to contact you.

“Yeah. Yeah, everything’s fine.” he kept nodding to himself. It was unsettling.

“Yes, I’m sure they are. Now would you stop nodding? You’re freaking me out a bit here.” Harrison teased, hoping Tom’s mood would improve

After breakfast and a shower, they both went out to set. Through the course of his day, in between takes, Tom couldn’t stop himself from obsessively checking his phone to see if you resurfaced from whatever hole it is you’ve crawled into. He became more and more agitated every time he saw your conversation the same as it was.

But being a consummate professional, Tom never let his agitation show up while he was doing a scene. That was a good thing for him professionally, but emotionally? Tom was just about ready to explode. It was a good thing they wrapped early that day.

“I’m going to the fucking airport.” he said, slamming the car door and driving off like a madman

“WHAT?!” Harrison exclaimed from next to him, holding onto the handles for dear life

“I’m going to pack, then the fucking airport, then I’m going the fuck home to Y/N. Something is wrong, I fucking know it.” Tom fumed, his vision had been painted a venomous red

The duo somehow managed to get back home in one piece, Tom immediately got out of the car and slammed the door shut behind him. He didn’t even bother to wait for Harrison as he trudged up to their front door.

He all but hurled it open and went inside. Nothing but silence greeted him, it wasn’t like he was expecting something else though. But maybe he should have.

He took a step forward and felt something underneath his shoe, he looked down to see one of his trainers. How in the hell did that get there? Tom tried to think of every plausible explanation. His eyes widened in realisation. Tom ran outside, smacking into Harrison in the process.

“Jesus Christ!” Harrison exclaimed as he fell to the ground, Tom on top of him

Tom pushed off of his best friend and grabbed hold of his shoulders. “Harrison. Harrison, there is an animal in the fucking house.” he hissed

“No.. No, you’re shitting me.” Harrison shook his head, dread beginning to invade his senses. His sky blue eyes darted from Tom’s frazzled face to the open door.

“I am not. I found one of my trainers by the door, I didn’t leave it there, I swear to you.”

Tom dropped his hands from Harrison’s shoulders and ran them through his cropped hair. “We’ve got to go inside and check it out.”

“Those are the exact words of everyone who’s ever died in a horror film, Tom.”

“Well this isn’t a film, buddy. It’s real life.” Tom grabbed a nearby stick off of the ground and flipped it around. Taking a deep breath, he stalked confidently to the house

“Yeah, and a fucking stick is going to fend of a bear.” Harrison muttered under his breath, staying close behind Tom

The wannabe Hardy Boys made their way through the quiet house, they checked the kitchen, the living room, and their backyard. Nothing was there. They thought they were in the clear, until they heard something scratching on the other side of Tom’s bedroom door.

“Alright, it’s been a nice run, mate. We’ve had fun and everything, done amazing things, seen amazing places.” Harrison told him as the scratching began to intensify, the door started to rattle against its hinges

By its own volition, the door swung open and Tom closed his eyes and braced himself for impact. The intruder lunged at him, tackled him to the ground and.. Licked his face?

Harrison let out a surprised laugh. Tom took it as his cue to open his eyes. Standing on his chest, was Tessa.

“Oh my God! Tess?!” Tom exclaimed once he realised who it was. He scooped her up in his arms and gave her a big hug

“God damn I wish I'd caught that on camera.” Harrison remarked

Tom sat up, Tessa still in his arms, he felt warm hands cover his eyes a second later. The way his heart beat faster gave it away.

“Surprise!” you yelled right next to his ear

He winced at the volume but at the same time, he felt so relieved to hear the sound of your voice. Tom let Tessa go and engulfed you in his arms. The familiar scent of your perfume invaded his senses, he breathed you in until he swore the room was spinning.

Tom pulled away to press his lips against yours, his eyes were shut tightly. Afraid that if he opened them once again, you would be gone.

“I'm not going anywhere, Tom.” you whispered, like you'd read his mind. You wrapped your arms around his neck and hugged him again.

“I can't believe you called me thirty-six times. I didn't know you were a stage five clinger.” you said into the crook of his neck

Your boyfriend smiled, you couldn’t see the playful glint in his eye.

“Oh, I’ll show you a stage five clinger, darling.”

He flipped you over to the floor and latched onto you like a koala. Tom squeezed you until you could feel the air slowly leaving your lungs. You tried to laugh but Tom’s weight on you made it difficult, you hit him repeatedly. “TOM!! GET!! OFF!!”

“Tess! Get in here!” he called to Tessa, who was watching you, head tilted. But at Tom’s command, she came bounding over to you, yipping excitedly

Harrison stood by the doorway, snapping a picture of the two of you on the floor, Tom wrapped around you as you lay trapped under him, and Tessa with her tail wagging in the air. He posted it on his Instagram with the caption, “Family Reunion”

[wannawrite]

All You Would Ever Be

Wanna One's Kang Daniel X Reader [ fem ver ] Fluff bullet point ver. wanna one masterlist produce 101 masterlist • you, Seongwoo and Daniel are the Trio™, a sub unit from your actual clique of like idk a lot of friends ??? there are different units like jinhwi • Jinyoung isn't the only one in his unit who has fallen for someone else. You have too • and Seongwoo is going to get you together hello, @collecting-smiley-taehyung  welcome to your scenario okay i need to stop it's the stress of exams, really anyways, I hope you like your scenario and THANK YOU FOR SUPPORTING US SO OPENLY IM IN TEARS 💕 thanks for the request beb. hope you don't mind I did it in bulletpoint style, I'm working on requests in the midst of exams so my scenarios aren't the best right now 😭 maybe scenario ver ? but that will take me a longer time - Admin L 

• okay • so • you are Daniel and Seongwoo's best friend • like best best best friend out of the people in the 101 clique™ • since there are so many people, subunits are bound to form and Ongniel has their own Ongniel is science!™ but • you + Ongniel = Trio™ • Daehwi + Jinyoung = Jinhwi™ • Woojin + Jihoon + Sungwoon = pink sausages™ • Taehyun + Kenta + Hyunbin + Sanggyun + Donghan + Longguo + Taedong = JBJ • but the 101 clique members loves and supports each other regardless of the number of subunits that formed • anyways • everyone is super close and loving it isn't rare for people to fall in love • Taehyun fell for Daehwi but otter is in love with Sungwoon • sometimes its messy but that's okay • but for you • it's REALLY messy • you like Daniel • simple right? • but Daniel is your best friend and literally, you've known him all your life • he treats you like his little sister • and as much as you love him, you don't want that • you want to be his girlfriend • luckily, you're amazing at suppressing feelings • like you went to a haunted house with the W1 unit™ and didn't scream the whole time but Jisung ended up crying • later though, you collapsed on the floor and screamed your lungs out • delayed reaction basically • but no • conceal, don't feel • don't let Daniel know • it's hard work because you two grew up together and still live in the same neighbourhood so naturally • wherever you go • there's a Kang Daniel • supermarket? • he's there buying eggs for his mother • gas station? • he's there sending his uncle's car for washing • the park? • he's there jogging in a thin tank top that makes your eyes pop out • and your heart explodes • he should have found out by now but you pray that daniel's oblivious • jokes • he's known you all your life he knows everything about you • like how your ears turn red before your face does • or how you hide under your blankets • how you under the bed when it's storming • how you stole one of Daniel's cats once • he didn't know for a good hour or so • you just took the nearest cat and ran so you weren't exactly sure what its name was • ring ring • 'hello?' • 'y/n, did you take Peter?' • 'who tf is Peter? idk them? no? I just left your house wdym' • 'bye felicia i'm on my way to yours' • yeah but that's a story for another time • Daniel is like a part of your family man • your parents adore him so much and bonus! they're super super close with Kang family • your mother was best friends with his mum in college it's cute • you and Daniel spend time around each other's houses so much you leave a bag of your things there and vice versa • lately, Ong has become so close to both of you, he's there too • oh my god • Seongwoo knows everything • e v e r y t h i n g • no one even told him ??? how did does he find out • so Seongwoo kind of becomes the middleman • wingman • since he knows that you are practically in love with Daniel you might as well rant your ass off to him • 3 am Facetime with him bc you want to talk about how handsome Daniel looked today • Seongwoo is surprisingly a good listener and offers advice sometimes • 'i just want to kiss him! ugh!' • 'uh-huh. me too sis.' - Ong Seongwoo, about Kang Daniel,2017 • little do you know • Daniel calls Seongwoo for exactly the same things • he whines about how adorable you are to Ong for hours • honestly it's driving Ong madddd • he just wants ya'll to get together • partially because it'll be super frickin' cute • partially because you two would stop whining to him • also partially because the 101 clique would expand its number of couples • imagine the amount of • 'i'm a man but my heart is pounding' • instances • many indeed and everyone is happy :") • so one day • Ongniel is over at your house and Daniel goes downstairs to grab another packet of jellies for your movie night and Ong just • 'yo Y/N, Daniel likes you too' while stuffing a handful of popcorn into his mouth • you nearly choke on your soda • Ong doesn't help you but smirks when you stare at him in disbelief • he nods in confirmation when you ask • 'omgomgomgomgomg' • 'AOMG' stan AOMG • now the two of you conspire to form a plan to confess, Daniel has absolutely no clue • during the movie, you just casually lounge your head on his shoulder • in his lap • sometimes your legs intertwine with his • then again, this isn't anything unusual because you guys are too close man it's hard • and Daniel seems to be keeping a straight face :( • you are sad • maybe he doesn't like me anymore ??? • nah sis you thought • Daniel's sweating so badly and his insides have turned to mush • what is a normal, regular heart rate? he swears he needs to be sent into the ER asap • basically, Daniel dies every single time you're around him • he's trying so hard to hide his feelings it hurts • Ong is abt to give up • you tell Ong your worries abt confessing • 'what if he never speaks to me again!' • 'idw to break our friendship' • '(ง •̀_•́)ง' • 'if Daniel rejects you, he can fite me' • your other best friend rubs your shoulder encouragingly, smiling • 'don't worry, Daniel whines about you a lot. he definitely likes you too. go for it, Y/N' • 'how long has he stayed on the phone talking about me?' • 'hmmm, the record was 4 hours just talking about how cute you looked with your new hair' • get you a man who hypes you like that • the whole 101 squad pretty much knows you two are in love with each other • but no one actl wants to tell ??? you ??? two ??? • okay sis • but this carries on for about a month before you suck it up and decide to tell Daniel • Ong is like • 'YASS' • he's running and jumping around your living room throwing glitter and rejoicing • next thing you know, Jisung is on the phone and Ong is screaming the details at him • yeah • so Ong schedules really cute day for you to get pampered. • spa day. get your nails done etc etc • he even books a table at some fancy restaurant even though he knows you two might get kicked out • but he hopes you two will control yourselves because it's a date and not a 'hang out' • he tells Daniel he set up a blind date for him • Daniel is like 'hell no, why?' • Seongwoo just smiles and pushes him more • so he ends up getting all dressed up and makes sure to steal Ong's credit card • you're slipping on your cute kitten heels and freaking out while Ong and Jisung try to fan your face so your makeup doesn't melt off • 'I spent two hours on that face, don't mess it up!' - Sungwoon, about your makeup, 2017 • Seongwoo drives you down to the venue and escorts you to that restaurant • Daniel is late lol • you face the other way so he doesn't see your face when he walks in • he's flustered asf, apologies spilling out of his mouth • silently curses in fear he messed up when you still won't face him • you look familiar ?? then again, he's never seen you so dressed up • Ong went all out and booked a table at the most prestigious restaurant in the city • 'My name is-' • 'Kang Daniel.' • his jaw drops open when you finally speak and turn to face him • hE'S LIKE SODISOHXIS SEONGWOO • 'oh my god. y/n? did Ong trick you into something?' • you shake your head and smile, reaching over the table and grabbing his hand • here goes nothing • 'Daniel, I want to date you.' • woAH DANIEL LOOKS LIKE THE HEAVENS HAVE OPENED AND AN ANGEL HAS COME DOWN TO B L E S S HIM • he's a blushing mess and stammers out the first few words which makes you giggle • there's this satisfied, boyish grin on his face and he dreamily says • 'okay sure' • for the duration of the whole meal, there's skinship • hands touching in between bites, your heels meet his Louboutin's and he promises to buy you a pair someday • ya'll cute • you realise how much you love him, there's so much conversation and you realise you're in love with such a wholesome, real man • :") • at the end of your dinner, Daniel drives you home in the car you've been in a hundred times • but it's the first time as his girlfriend • and it feels different • he admits to liking you for a long time now which makes you blush • he walks you to your door as usual but unlike the normal goodnight hugs he gives you • you lean in and peck his lips, thanking him for the date even though you initiated it • Daniel drives home with the silliest, dreamiest look on his face • Ong and 2Sung are celebrating and he's lowkey sad he'll be third-wheeling in the trio • but that's okay bc he loves you both and wants ya'll to marry • you guys actl do • besides, he'll have his hands full working on how to get 2Sung together

[meepface]

i’m in a mood and i’m bored please ignore

1: Name 

elyse

2: Age

20

3: 3 Fears

settling for less than i deserve or for something i don’t want just because happiness seems too hard or would hurt someone, the ocean, scorpions

4: 3 things I love

making people laugh, holding hands w my girlfriend and walking past another gay couple or someone in a LGBTQ+ related shirt n smilin at each other, when dogs have the lil tiny stump tails and they wag em so fast, when candles smell like christmas

5: 4 turns on

freckles, ambition/drive/passion for something, humility, uhhh also eye contact during sex can also be super hot

6: 4 turns off

apathy, moodiness, arrogance, people who are extremely loud all the time

7: My best friend

i have two and they’re great!! one leaves for japan in two days though and she’ll be gone for a month so that highkey sucks for me but she’s gonna have a blast. n my other best friend is so good to me she always takes care of me n listens to me and the other day she bought me alcohol so that was nice

8: Sexual orientation

bisexual but maybe just gay? idk i would date a boy but prolly wouldn’t fuck a boy ya know but i’d do both with a girl so who knows

9: My best date

this question originally said “my best first date” but most of em have been goin to movies and so i changed it bc my best date just in general was probably when my gf and i went and ate at our favorite place to eat n then we banged in her car in a department store parking lot and then afterwards she was like “wait nobody’s at my house i’m sneakin u over” bc her mom can be a lil weird about me going to her house so i never really do and i had never seen her room so she snuck me over to her house n we cuddled on her bed n she showed me this shoebox she has in her room with every tiny lil gift i’d ever given her in it and it made me cry a little. another nice date was when it was flooding at our university and so they canceled classes and we went to walgreens and bought shirts bc ours were soaked from the rain and i bought socks bc my socks got Wet bc i stepped in a puddle and we just stayed in my car and ate candy in our comfy clothes waitin for the rain to let up and yeah TMI ahead but basically she ended up eating me out for the first time so that was nice lol

10: How tall am I

5′7

11: What do I miss

i dunno i already miss my best friend Kate even tho she doesn’t leave for Japan until Wednesday morning. also i kinda miss how things were before this year bc my life was less chaotic and stressful and sad last year and now i’m in a rut a lil bit

12: What time was I born

uhh 11:30 somethin AM

13: Favorite color

i like cerulean which is sorta like a teal blue and then yellow and then brown and then dark green

14: Do I have a crush

ya i have a gf

15: Favorite quote

“if you have good thoughts they will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely”

16: Favorite place

i like to be in my bedroom a lot but there’s also this roof i go to with friends a lot that’s really nice at night and i have so many memories there. it’s a really happy place for me

17: Favorite food

i like japanese food but not the seafood kind

18: Do I use sarcasm

no never

19: What am I listening to right now

praying // kesha

20: First thing I notice in new person

i guess just their general vibe

22: Eye color

very green but they were blue for a good half of my life which is kinda weird bc they’re so green now lmao

23: Hair color

red lmao

24: Favorite style of clothing

idk i go through a million styles in a week but my fave is just a cute oversized shirt n leggings bc it’s comfy and effortless

25: Ever done a prank call?

oh yeah i used to do a ton, i even used to have a character that i’d prank call people with actually. her name was Sonya and she sold breast enhancement cream

27: Meaning behind my URL

that’s actually a secret lmao

28: Favorite movie

the secret life of walter mitty

29: Favorite song

uhh idk but lately i’ve loved do re mi by blackbear 

30: Favorite band

twenty one pilots (can i make it any more obvious that i hate myself), two door cinema club, of monsters and men, the 1975, the wonder years

31: How I feel right now

generally okay?? today was a nice day but i’ve felt sorta sick all day and i haven’t been sleeping enough so that’s making me a big ol emotional baby so i feel like i could have a breakdown at any given minute but for the most part i am good tonight

32: Someone I love

my girlfriend

33: My current relationship status

taken

34: My relationship with my parents

oh i love em to death but sometimes they’re difficult n the two of em weren’t meant to be together honestly so i think they’d be better off n a lot less stressful to be around if they divorced but it’s okay maybe they will work it out

35: Favorite holiday

christmas eve. it’s so much better than christmas day!!!! 

36:Tattoos and piercing i have

i have a sun and moon tattoo on each wrist and the word “lovely” on my left bicep and i’m gonna get more but that’s all for now. n i have three piercings, one on one ear and two on the other. i was supposed to have two on both ears but one got infected and i didn’t know what to do so i took the piercing out and it fucked it up and it closed up so i gotta go get it repierced someday but that’s annoying so i just haven’t bothered yet

37: Tattoos and piercing i want

don’t want anymore piercings after i get that one redone tbh. but i want a pine tree tattoo i think on my ankle and a equals sign tattoo but idk where yet and lil mountains on my shoulders, also a sunflower maybe ??? i’m still tryna figure our which one i wanna get next and where. i also have been thinkin about maaaaaaybe getting the female symbol on my middle finger but idk if i want a hand tattoo ya know

38: The reason I joined Tumblr

i really liked this youtuber charlieissocoollike and he did a video about tumblr so i was like ok cool and made one but then i didn’t understand it and never used it and then caitlin one day was talking about tumblr with our friends oliver and jennica and i was like dang i wanna be cool like them so i started using it again and i found their blogs and stalked em for a while 

39: Do I and my last ex hate each other?

not hate but i’d never speak to him again. doubt he hates me tho

40: Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts?

yeah from my gf

41: Have I ever kissed the last person you texted?

yes

42: When did I last hold hands?

today

43:How long does it take me to get ready in the morning?

if i’m trying to look nice 45 mins-1 hour and if i’m not trying to look nice like 20-30 mins

44:Have You shaved your legs in the past three days?

no but i need to lmao they a lil prickly

45: Where am I right now?

my bed and i am so happy to be here 

46: If I were drunk & can’t stand, who’s taking care of me?

my gf would be there 100%, if not her then i’d say my friend Stein but she’d prolly be more fucked up honestly. my friend Kate would be there too

47: Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level?

louuuuuud unless i’m in a weird sad mood then i like it real soft

48: Do I live with my Mom and Dad?

yeah but hopefully i’ll get my fucking act together and move out within a year but i’m still kinda figuring everything out for the time being

49: Am I excited for anything?

idk honestly i have nothing to look forward to coming up anytime soon so that sucks a lot. probably my best friend’s 21st which i think is in a few weeks?? and this music fest a good friend and i are going to at the end of this month

50: Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to?

yeah my good pal Joe and also my brother and my friend Brendon too but him and i haven’t talked in a while so :/

51: How often do I wear a fake smile?

this is emo as shit

52: When was the last time I hugged someone?

today i hugged like four people!!!

53:What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me?

i’d be so upset and i’d break up with her and be miserable for a long while after that

54: Is there anyone I trust even though I should not?

yeah there’s one

55: What is something I disliked about today?

uhh probably that i was feelin sick and on edge just generally all day. bc it was really puttin a damper on my mood

56: If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?

i’d really love to meet Ellen Degeneres

57: What do I think about most?

prolly about how i am a useless dum dum and not to sound edgggyy but i question like....... my purpose too often lately 

58: What’s my strangest talent?

talent? i don’t know her

59: Do I have any strange phobias?

i’m terrified of being vomited on. not vomit in general necessarily but it getting on me is one of the most disgusting things to me lol

60: Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?

lil bit of both but i’m better at the behind the camera stuff

61: What was the last lie I told?

told my grandma i was single bc i don’t wanna tell her i am gay n have a girlfriend even though she’d forget in like two minutes lol

62: Do I prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?

video chatting but i’m not a big fan of either

63: Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens?

yes and yes!!!!!!!!!

64: Do I believe in magic?

no

65: Do I believe in luck?

sure

66: What’s the weather like right now?

2 hot

67: What was the last book I’ve read?

milk and honey by rupi kaur

68: Do I like the smell of gasoline?

tbh i love it

69: Do I have any nicknames?

elly, gaylord, dad, that one ginger

70: What was the worst injury I’ve ever had?

probably the one time i fell off my razor scooter while goin speedy down a hill and tryna show off and got scars all over my body

71: Do I spend money or save it?

been tryna save but put me in an h&m or a forever 21 or a thrift shop and it’s all gone. i love clothes that are inexpensive 

72: Can I touch my nose with a tongue?

no

73: Is there anything pink in 10 feet from me?

yeah i have an empty victoria’s secret bag on my desk

74: Favorite animal?

i like bunnies and grizzly bears

75: What was I doing last night at 12 AM?

talking to my gf and crying probably lol it was a rough night

76: What do I think is Satan’s last name is?

oooooo i could make a petty joke here but i won’t

77: What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it?

greek tragedy // the wombats

78: How can you win my heart?

make time for me and show me i’m important to you

79: What would I want to be written on my tombstone?

“u know she dead”

80: What is my favorite word?

serendipity

82: If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say?

i’d probably just start crying and everyone would stop listening

83: Do I have any relatives in jail?

yeah one of my cousins murdered someone lol i am pretty sure he’s in jail but i don’t know anything about him or if he’s even still alive honestly

85: What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on?

idk i’m pretty open

86: What is my current desktop picture?

some mountains lol it’s one of the Apple preset ones

87: Had sex?

yeah

88: Bought condoms?

yeah 

89: Gotten pregnant?

no

90: Failed a class?

nearly but no

91:Kissed a boy?

nah i’ve never wanted to really 

92: Kissed a girl?

yeah

93: Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain?

yeah

94: Had job?

yep i work at a froyo shop

95: Left the house without my wallet?

yeah

96: Bullied someone on the internet?

probably at some point when i was young but not anytime recently

97: Had sex in public?

yeah lol

98: Played on a sports team?

i was on a soccer team for a while as a kid and i hated it

99: Smoked weed?

not yet but i’d like to try it at least one time someday

100: Did drugs?

no and i am not interested in trying any other drugs besides weed

101: Smoked cigarettes?

no

102: Drank alcohol?

yes

103: Am I a vegetarian/vegan?

nah

104: Been overweight?

no

105:Been underweight?

for most of my life i have been lol and i finally got to a healthy weight and now i’m back to being underweight

106: Been to a wedding?

yeah a few

107: Been on the computer for 5 hours straight?

yeah

108: Watched TV for 5 hours straight?

yeah but not any time recently bc i don’t have the motivation/attention span to sit through a movie or TV show anymore

109: Been outside my home country?

no but i’d really like to 

110: Gotten my heart broken?

yeah

111: Been to a professional sports game?

no and i was invited to one recently but i had work :(

112: Broken a bone?

no

113: Cut myself?

yeah

114: Been to prom?

yeah

115: Been in airplane?

yeah

116: Fly by helicopter?

no but i’d really like to

117: What concerts have I been to?

soooo many. i’ll try and name em. trans siberian orchestra, panic! at the disco, imagine dragons, twenty one pilots, two door cinema club, the weeknd, melanie martinez, catfish and the bottlemen, halsey, of monsters and men, walk the moon, eric clapton, paul mccartney, glass animals, a$ap rocky, drake, the chainsmokers, foo fighters, vance joy, the strumbellas, the front bottoms, kendrick lamar, the wombats, AWOLNATION, ben rector, we the kings, the ready set, the summer set ??? i think there’s some i’m forgetting but that’s most of em. i go to so many. i am also seeing saint motel, cage the elephant, weezer, passion pit, mac miller and MGMT this summer!!

118: Had a crush on someone of the same sex?

yaaaaa most of my crushes have been n i’m datin a girl so

119: Learned another language?

i took four years of spanish and i’m taking another spanish class in the fall!! i was always real good at it

120: Wore make up?

yeah

121: Lost my virginity before I was 18?

no i lost it when i was 19

122: Had oral sex?

yeah

123: Dyed my hair?

nah it’s naturally red and pretty and i don’t really wanna ever dye it. i’m probably gonna dye my eyebrows tho they’re too light and i’m tired of always fillin them in

124: Voted in a presidential election?

yes this last one which was exciting until hilary lost

125: Rode in a police car?

yes

126: Had a surgery?

no

127: Met someone famous?

yes

128: Stalked someone on a social network?

not like legitimately but yeah i’ve gone through someone’s page out of curiosity before

129: Peed outside?

yeah

130: Been fishing?

yeah it’s sorta boring imo though

131: Helped with charity?

yeah i helped my mom with this organization she was a part of where homeless people could come and paint and make art and i helped her at a few of their shows. it is one of my favorite organizations and i met some really beautiful people there

132: Been rejected by a crush?

yeah he liked me too but he was figuring things out and later that year came out to me as gay and then like two years later i realized i’m kinda super gay too so it all worked out in the end

133: Broken a mirror?

no

134: What do I want for birthday?

to be with people i love

[itain]

long.. complaint post essentially

id say rant but its less anger than just.. despair i guess

oh god i feel at this moment.... very hopeless

ive just kinda been frozen since i got home,,, talked some, ate dinner, etc... but there is so much i need to get done but i {feel i} cant do until i finish one thing in particular...... like so many rows stacked up in tetris that all get cleared with the one block that fits them all... i mean perhaps nobody thinks its that big a deal,,, idk......... i just feel like i cant breath... literally it feels like my chest is a bit tight just thinking of all this shit stressing me... like once i finally get one thing done turns out its not done and i had 10 more things to do as well... i feel that in the time it takes for me to take one step, i’m pushed back like 20 paces....

you know when you have so much stressing you that you play games or just fucking fill your mind with static to pretend nothing is wrong?? you waste time having fun while the stress just looms next to you all day every day?? thats like my usual state of being.... and here is the other end.. where things come crashing down, and im panicking, and im frozen because i can never solve things, i have to find an order in the chaos, and at this point everything immidiately turns negative and i wonder why im even alive rn... i like that ive written this much and still remained so vague.......... SIGH

uh lets see i mean its mostly all just financial shit

the biggest block rn is the fucking gym... gee am i getting so damn sick of this shit.... i am ready to sccream over this fucking gym...... ive been trying to quit almost since ive started... i FINALLY send the shit i need to on time..... and they didnt do it???? so i need to call them tomorrow asking why they havent drafted the quitting fee, and im sure theyll ask if i did the fucking secure mail where i get notified when they recieve it, and no i didnt bc i dont have money, and they will come up with some bullshit excuse reason why i cant quit still, and at that point ill want to scream and cry, i fucking wish that could solve my problem??? why cant i be like my dad who yells at the customer service people on the phone till they solve everything for free???? why cant i ask that of him now?? thoughts like these... who let me be an adult, how will i not get fucked out of shit because im a fucking pushover who just wants to please everyone and be polite.....

then lets see.......... the student loans..... the big issue with this... i mean 50 bucks a month starting in october... i mean we will fucking see if i have the money... considering im already drowning now, i fucking doubt, but my biggest concern is the logistics... what amount am i paying back? how do i know that its set up to draft out of my account??? questions i dont want to ask anyone because i’ll feel like a fucking idiot and i’ll just cry about it instead pls.... so i’ll just rot till october tyvm...

and what else... my biggest fear is the combination of these two, that i cant quit the gym and im paying like 75 fucking bucks a month for two things that have made my life nothing but hell...

but i think the other biggest stressor is the small shit adding up rn... for like 2+ months (i havent really counted but i know its been a long time now) my phone isnt working without a charger.... and to even get it replaced for a working model is like 75 bucks.. id buy some shit phone but thats 20 bucks that can be spent towards surviving... like, see above bills.... oh and id switch to an old phone of mine to even ask if thats possible would fucking cost money bc metro pcs wont answer shit without seeing money first ugh.. its made all communication and leisure time way more difficult as im chained to the wall and only a few short times a day for either.... so setting aside that, ill just fucking pray for that for christmas orz the other “small shit”...... oil needs to be changed on the car,,, means i have to find some time to buy oil, figure out what fucking oil to buy, where to buuy, if i have the money, etc... communicate with coworker friend and get a day we both have off so her friend?? can change my oil for me for free, bless.... but thats not even possible till i get back from my vacation.... so a week or two..... then we have the registration sticker that needs to be updated before september,,,, 80 to 85 bucks my dad said... that obv cant be updated with a code on my car so again, it has to wait a couple weeks... even driving with a code on my car gives me such anxiety...

so moving on to.... i guess the tiny shit that isnt as big problems but only have become such because im mega stressed..... thought i had finished the laundry... found another bag orz... apartment much more disorganized than i thought.. you know how order in the home gives a certain peace of mind.... and vise versa.... bf and i are fucking depressed and at least i want pills but that is a faraway dream rn, booking a fucking appointment, much less having $$ for a perscription????? trying to work out then losing motivation so quickly as always... but because i want to dedicate my energy towards cleaning this place... which just somehow never happens.... just never seeing a way to save money??? ive been so damn frugal and i still cant pay my bills and here i am with more bills, meanwhile my dad posting his stupid fucking bullshit on facebook about “choose happiness” like money doesnt have a fucking say in the matter.... and all the low self esteem and negative thoughts that accompany all this situation... wanting to “do something nice because ive been having a hard life/week” and then still feeling like shit, or feeling guilty for having spent anything then complaining about money...

i guess last thing i wanted to touch on..... the vacation... bfs mom takes me with them on their family vacations.... honestly i feel like the goth in the prep family? like im too much drama to make them happy.. ive been pretty open with her about my feelings towards my dad and stepmom, mostly bc she is super giving and nice and agrees with me against them.. and recently ive been more open, like about my depression even... and like... she even said she would get me a scrip... like....... i just.. this kind of thing, the vacations, the covering my half of rent, even while she doesnt have a job rn (she is rich but tighter on $$ now so) but i feel so guilty accepting it.. like if i justify it, then arent i being too greedy?? but i literally cant refuse it, or i’d be on the street right now so..... but i just feel like she owns me... if i were her daughter i think id be more okay but like... if john and i break up she put like, thousands into SOME CHICK.... i feel like in the far future i’ll need to write her a check too;; i told bf i wasnt rly feeling the vacation... of course because of the neverending drama surrounding me (yeah yeah im not saying drama is drawn to me, yeah i create it okay) this will just kinda strain more the relationship and they’ll all think i have some issue with them or smth that i gotta ruin every family trip... so i’ll just go.. but like... self esteem is out the window, so i wont want any pics.. i doubt bf will either, we both have gained so much weight, and i have perma acne that gets worse by the day, and i cant even afford to get my hair cut or colored again so its just this grown out mess.... then in the other respect of a vacation... i think ill just be worried the whole time about my finances... i mean i wont be able to spend money on anything so -shrugs- i get to just look at a bunch of nice things, thinking “i wish” or feel the guilt of her wanting to get it for me.... oh god yeah and same things w my friends.... i want to hang with them?? but i dont have money for shit??? and every time they pay for smth i die inside bc when will i even be able to pay them back its the same thing but theyre poor TT

anyways i guess thats most of it..... i guess im feeling tired maybe ill just pass out watching some youtube videos.... i was wanting to get a drawing done but ~*the cycle of feeling like shit*~ will occur worse then...