#just remembered that i also forgot to take my meds no wonder im not sleeping

[julieterbang]

Love your blog, it’s so cute. Best wishes on your journey and hope you have a wonderful year ahead. I am on medications for mental illness. I have big dreams and want to do big things. I hope I can do everything I want and desire.

Hi, thanks for this kind ask. You make my day 💕

Im also sending you blessing and prayers for smooth journeys , not just this year, also many years ahead. Keep on dreaming, pushing yourself towards your dream but don't forget to breath once in a while. Take it easy, don't pressure yourself to much and don't forgot your meds.

Sometimes, you might questioning if your meds working or not, you might want to stop since thought you better off without them, but im telling, whenever you feel that way, DON'T EVER STOP unless your doc say so.

Im also on my meds, and its help me to sleep well. Even im not in my best condition, but at least im sleeping.

Remember, if you're sleeping well, then the meds work it's magic 🙂

[godlovesmemore]

a d d e r a l l & I got high driving again.

did not get pulled over by police. took more then last time but was more careful/safe — besides popping them while driving. was it cool? no but theres the rush when it feels illegal. i spaced them all out and thought about each one. the first one was genuinely because i was due for one and i forgot to take it before i started driving. that one was legal.

on the second one i knew it was more than necessary. i questioned my motives — is this my addiction talking ? its me and yes both are true. i also felt in my heart god said its ok to go ahead so i didn’t question the gut instinct. by this I mean it was a calling to do it and not a want of my own, my want comes after from curiosity, the pull where will this pill (direction) lead this time, good or bad? if i know its gods call i should take it, trust, break the law. if you’re not sure ask permission. be sure god says its ok, not yourself. then it’ll work out

By the time i took the 3x i was lost at some deadend — and thought wouldn’t this be a perfect place to pop a final one — my gut reaction (addiction) says take another — I wonder is it ok god? whatever the fuck you wanna do; god says — he’ll get high too. Update hours later. its 10pm and i just took another even though god said no. free will? actually it’s the opposite = addiction

edit

i just got home from seeing family, took a 2 hour long car ride in the country. trying to find god, reasons to live. reconnect by drowning out my feelings with bass music. i needed to decompress, so did some recreational drugs, slightly testing to see the effects going over the prescribed dose. its difficult to tell how it affects you unless your actually doing something (driving) so 3x in one hour and id say im feeling like i took a small dose of xanax — adhd meds really do calm me but its the mania = my addiction. if you’ve never done manic before you’ll just never know the high. i couldn’t sleep the past 2 days now and i haven’t eaten but i hope i can get real sleep tonight. new rule never exceed 6 pills in a day and try to stay below 4 — im only ordered 2x a day

5x today total i need to order more pills tomorrow

—feeling a come down from the last tab at 10 pm. this mania is truly tired out i hope she’ll still be with me tomorrow. mania must have just started today, honestly right when driving home. i guess something about leaving my familys house triggered it. id been feeling mad depressed lately. last night i felt so worthless deep down in my core. it was right there like i could hold onto it. yet ive managed to have my pills under control pretty much since being pulled over. yea nobody wants me manic—but its the only time i ever want to be alive. if you cant love me manic you dont get to know about my medication usage either. remember next time always hide mania from everybody — never trust anyone close to you but god

Im in bed right now, almost 1 a m — with bipolar i fear feeling better (moments like these) ill fear this moment because feeling better is probably gone tomorrow. so we stay awake, dont eat or sleep because maybe ill get another day with myself — the best part of me — a lovable me. i will remain sober from drugs. jesus help me i cannot go on with this life soberminded.

medicine is safe — its clean, im prescribed it. so what if i found the magic pill to become manic when it suits me: life fucking hacked.

[pineapplething]

ive destroyed my sleeping schedule again :(

[tree0frog]

memory maze runner x fem reader part two

masterlist

it had been three years since ably was sent up to the maze followed by newt and Minho and so on and on. the diaries had still not been found the new greenie for this month was chuck a small boy around 12-13 and was most likely the youngest in the glade he wasn't really doing much so he was just wondering around the woods when he notices something sticking up from the ground chuck being himself and brode out of his mind went over to the weird thing and pulled it out of of the ground it was a bag he wanted to see what was inside but couldn't open it he knew newt out be able to help him since he was meant to be helping him in the garden.

chucks pov

the bag was old and looked like it had been there for a while I tried to open it but it was tide too tightly I knew newt could mabey help me so I made my way back to the tall blond boy I hadn't had time to get to know each other but I was still happy for the few I did know once I made my way back to knew he looked at me confused "what you go there greenie "he asked "I'm not sure it was lying in the dirt beside a tree I wanted to look in it but I can't seem to open it"newt laughed "so you want to see if I can open your bloody bag for ya "I looked away rubbing the back of my neck newt took the bag from the theme and opened it everything seemed to be I'm pretty good condition "I have no clue what these are but tonight well show ably alright" newt Spock handing the bad back to me "ok"

time skip

it was later that night at dinner when chuck decided to bring the bad up he knew he wasn't meant to just go up to their leader like that but who the fuck cared not him anyway well Mebay a little but no one needs to know that now do they "ably "the boy said nervously "hey greenie you ok"the boy looked up from his food as well as some of the other keepers at the table "ah e ya I just found this and I wasn't sure what to do with it" Chuck glands at newt the back at alby and handed him the bag the older boy just looked between the two boys but takes they bag anyway.

after dinner newt minho and alby decide to go throw the bag "do you think it will have anything use full in it"?minho asked "probably not it most likely been left by the craters" newt stated as ably started to take the items out of the bag there were 4 book some 8 folded paper a silver band they looked at them one by one until newt Spock up "whos y/n" he looked up at the other two in the room the dairy he had to pick up seemed to be the oldest "are you going to open it"minho asked crossing his arms "ill get to that "the boy laughed the book was filled to the bring of different piced of paper newt started to read the first page.

day one

well hi, I would tell you my name but I don't remember that I'm not sure why though for now ill call myself greenie I don't know why buts let go with it for the now cool. well first of all I woke up in the mettel box thing that took me too long to get out of when I awoke here I'm not sure what ill call it but I don't think ill be leaving any time soon I'm surrounded by four big walls they aren't open but I can hear things moving inside of them oh ya and for some reason, there are animals in the box as well I'm not too sure what's that all about if you wondering why I'm writing this down it is because I for one want to remember this and two if I ever leave this place I can have something to look back on.

I want to say it's about midday or so well once I manage to get out of the box and get everything out as well I were who ever sent me here won't be too happy when I find that if I ever do I just spent today walking about this place it's really big and I seem to be the only one here the people that sent me up here gave some a hammock witch was nice of I guess so I set that up I really hope they send someone else up soon I'm lonely and fuck here.

there's these weird gree bug with that have W.IC.K.E.D. on them I tried to touch one it never went very well I think it will be nice here there's not much to do now but tomorrow ill find something to do it's late now I think, to be honest, I don't know what time it is but the light is fading to em I guess this is a good night

greenie

newt finished reading the three boys look up at each other with a shocked look on their face "should I read more"neat asked the other two just nodded

day 2

well today has been fun I get my name back it's y/n it is weird and I'm not sure if it suits me but at least I have a name to call myself now I started a farm and started to male some bits and bobs around this place I still need a name for it I started to work on making a kitchen like think to keep all of the food I have in I was give some cand food as well as granola bards and bread so that's what iv been eating and im happy to say it went well the walls opened up today I think this is some form of a maze im not sure yet the box hast came back yet im waiting to see how long till it comes up.

it's very hot here but it's nice I just hope it doesn't rain any time soon I found out most of the things here have the word wicked on the still not sure what that means  but you know what shuck that oh ya I also forgot to menschen I made up of new words shuck means such greenie means newbie klunk means shit that's all iv got, for now, I think ill like it here

y/n

"alby when you came up here what was all here, "minho asked still looking shocked "well there was the map room the home shuck the kitchen a smaller farm and the slaughterhouse and a small med bay as well" they all looked at each other "so you telling me that this y/n was here before you built this place and the left leaving their stuff here, "newt asked looked at there leader "look I know as much as you do, "alby said "hey why don't we just go to shucking sleep and come back to this in the morning "minha yawned.

minho had given the runners the day off and alby had called all of the keepers for a gathering about this y/n person "so if your wondering why you all here its because chuck found this yesterday and we wanted to see if we could find any use full info in it so take a piece of paper and get looking all right "alby was followed by mumbles and grows him newt minho and gally had one book each and the others had the pice of paper that had their fallen out of a book or was just there.

about an hour had passed and no one had found anything till gally Spock up "hey I found something "well don't just stand there read it out"alby ordered

day 163

well good even to whoever is reading this today has been a shucking great one I keep having these dreams about a boy called newt and whoever he is they keep saying were twins I don't understand what going on with my head mabey im just going crazy right iv been here alone for so long right

not the point of today I finished mapping out the full maze I the maze opens in bits so one part will open then the next a different one but I don't think it has anything to do with the maze I think it has something to do with the maps and grievers that's what im calling them anywhere there big creatures that have tried to kill me there easy to kill once you get the change of it, oh ya and the box came up again with more things I wish they would send someone else up here im border welp good night

y/n

gally look up to see all eyes on him "newt have you ever heard the name y/n before this "newt shook his head sighing he hadn't before "and what does she if she mean about its not the maze its the maps and grievers "minho asked "I'm not sure but there are somewhat maps they aren't very clear though "frypan stated

they were about to continue when the box alarm went off

[oh-no-whoopsie]

reasons I love kip!! (aka @ghostsingold) 

(making this post bc they deserve all the love and my meds have kicked in so im able to be productive today. thanks long-acting adderall!!) 

kip I love you for so many reasons and as I fill out college applications im gonna list them out <3 no special occasion its just! you make me happy and I wanted to share that with you and since I have a teeny blog no one will see this but you <3 

1.) this response to a post I made on my old blog. it was one of my first positive interactions on Tumblr and this tiny piece of writing made that entire week easier. it was a tiny start to a friendship and it was also a stranger caring for me, which at that time I didn’t think was possible. 

2.) every single time that they have been a part of the Brown Eye Stan Club and hyped up brown eyes,,,,dude I can’t you’ve been such a big part of the journey to accept my brown eyes. it means so much to me that you just? say it!! you’re proud of the fact you love brown eyes! hell yeah dude! thank you!

3a.) for sending me songs that remind you of me??? to have someone think of me?? MY HEART?? I- I can’t express how much it means to me I just,, hnnhhh you even made me a fucking playlist (which I listen to CONSTANTLY) (here is the playlist ) just. dude. I love you 

4.) one of those songs is Glitter & Gloss by Skott and 

          a) this song makes me feel like a fucking badass 

          b) made me feel so appreciated and loved because it was the first time someone had said “this song reminds me of you!” 

          c). when I was stalking your blog trying to find my old posts I found this post about that song and?? sunbeams through Spanish moss? trees? pretty?? is this how you see me?? im in love????? also this ask I sent you where you describe your love for the sun <3 the implication that I am even a little bit like the sun to you makes me wanna cry happiness 

5.) Your taste in music is SUPERB. IMPECCABLE. A DELIGHT. 

6.) Someday I will have the strength to do naniwrimo with you and that will be a glorious month (and next September we should be able to be writing buddies!!!!! because now I have meds for attention span so I can write again >:) ) 

7.) A long time ago (old blog) I asked for people to give me nicknames because I never got cute nicknames and because I could only ever insult myself. for the longest time I forgot what you said but I remembered!!!! it was birdie!!

          a). even though now most people call me doe cuz of bumblebee, you were the first person to reply to that post and just because milk suggested fawn/doe and it stuck doesn’t mean I love birdie any less 

          b.) it means a lot that you suggested it in the first place and while I was finding links for this post I came across this ask where you call me birdie :> p.s. you still mean a lot to me and I hope you’re okay <3 

8.) every single time you sent me a picture of a frog :),, also that one post about taking fake shots of water still sends me but I can’t find it to link it,, and also everything you listed on this post including the fact that it is inspired by my post

9.) when you agreed to talk to people for me when I was panicking thinking they were going to die but had to go to sleep. that means so much that you would take that role on and dude I am so so sorry I ever asked that of you. 

10). you made me find magic in the sunlight and not just the moonlight, you helped me find that balance and accept that piece of me and it sounds stupid but its really important ok also im just gonna say it: your voice is perfection it is comfort it is warm and all things good in this world. ive only heard you speak like twice but I could listen to you for the rest of my life

11.) sometimes you send me posts that r like “thinking of you!!” and THEY MAKE MY DAY omfg 

12.) when you drew me!!! 

          a.) bc holy shit you are an amazing artist if you let me I want to post that drawing of me on my blog

          b.) I was supposed to draw you in return I am sorry I did not,, I still plan on doing it tho 

          c.) we drew ourselves as fairies and that was pretty fun 

          d.) you made me see beauty in myself I- 

13.) for never once encouraging my ed or bad habits. you were ready to call me tf out and I appreciate that so much dude? you were never subtley pro you also seem ready to stab anyone who opposes you. hell you post callouts against pr0-ana shit and m**nspo and f*tspo and photoshop and all of it. I admire you so much 

14.) for letting me ramble on about hermes and offerings and spirituality! 

15.) for lighting a candle for Catherine and talking with me that night

(I have the entire conversation copied into a google doc on my phone because it needed to be saved. the things you said are beautiful. it is so touching and breathtaking and if I could hug you I would and  I promise not to forget if you won’t forget. )

16.) holy shit dude P O E T R Y, both for being so good at it and for reading mine. 

17.) helping validate my arospec questioning and enby questioning,,, it was actually through your blog that I realized oh shit! I might be aro!! and having someone to talk about gender issues and arospec stuff is SO AMAZING and I love you <3 and thank you for talking with me and for helping me and for validating me 

18) validating my anger!! or at least helping to do so! you point out when things are unfair! you genuinely want my life to improve! you helped me realize some of my friends are shitty! you helped me accept things! 

19.) I love your vibes. I can’t say this enough but somehow you are just so wonderful to me,,, you are amazing I can’t describe it. you are ethereal and terrific and your features could be anywhere from beautiful to cryptic to solid to handsome but I promise you that there is something unique about you. a bit of mystery and magic left over from the days when fairytales were real. you have all the power of the sun and light and fire in both the life giving and the destructive aspects. you are so perfect and wonderful thank you 

20.) because you told me “you do not deserve to be traumatized” and in all honesty that slapped me into reality. if i still had my old Tumblr I probably would’ve screenshotted it so I could get the exact quote but I do not know how to make you understand How Much That Helped me 

all in all,,,, I must end the list here because I need to go be productive. alas.there is more I didn’t even BEGIN to mention,,, but kip, you are my rae of sunshine. someday we are going to go be cryptic authors in Scotland who disappear into the woods, perhaps to hunt with the faeries, perhaps no, who knows. we will become part of the local lore,, independent and happy and spooky. 

I love you so much!  also sorry I went through your archive to find all this,,,, to be fair I already did it once to find my posts <3 

I would never say that just one person “saved me”. thats too big of a responsibility to share. but kip, you helped save me, in ways I can’t explain, from myself and from death and from an abyss of numbness. you saved me from a thousand tiny deaths and gave me a thousand new pieces of life and I would not be the person I am today without you. I love and appreciate you so much and you bring me sunlight and joy and peace and connection. you are a true friend to me. thank you for being here. you deserve the world and so much more. 

[littlebitoffanfic]

Make It Count

Fandom: Creepypasta Character: Jeff the killer Relationship: Jeff/reader Request: you haven’t done jeff the killer in a while . do you still do the creeypasta fandom? Great! Jeff thinks hes in a dream and they fuck but he wakes up the next day and realises his dream came true You sat on the sofa in the large living room with the tv on in the background while you read. The house was rather quiet tonight, with most being away on either killing sprees or proxy tasks set by slender. Either way, you were glad you were getting some time to yourself. As if fate had heard your exact thoughts, you heard the front door open and close as someone entered the house. Turning, you looked at the entrance to the living room, expecting to see either Laughing Jack or Jeff since they had been the first out so might be the first back. But you didn’t see them. Normally they would come to the living room first to find someone to gloat to about their kills. But they didn’t. Moving off the sofa, you heard the stairs creaking as you heard someone going up the stairs. “Hello?” You called out, hoping whoever had entered the house would reply. You had a sense of dread as you walked to the bottom of the stairs and looked up to see Jeff climbing them with a limp. “Jeff?” You called out to him, quickly running up the stairs to his side as he froze. “Hey [y/n]!” Jeff cried out with a false joy that made you suspicious. Despite the smile that dawned his features, you knew something was wrong. Your eyes quickly looked over his body and found an area with more blood on it than normally. And growing. “What happened?” You asked, looking up to Jeff who knew he had been caught out. He let out a growl and lifted his hoodie and tee-shirt to show a nasty stab wound. “Damn prick got the upper hand for a moment.” He growled, dropping the fake voice for one with pain and anger in it. “Don’t tell the others.” “I wont. Now come on.” You took his hand and guided him up the remaining stairs with support and towards your room where you had a med kit. “What were you going to do if I hadn’t found you?” “Hoped for the best.” Jeff chuckled slightly, seeing the disapproving glance you shot him. Inside your room, you made him lie on the small sofa you had as you quickly fetched the med kit from your bathroom. You had the second biggest room in the house (apart from slenders) and your own bathroom which was always handy. Slowly but surely, you stitched the wound up, jeff wincing at the start but managing to drift off half way through. That was the one thing you were grateful for. Proxys had a lot higher threshold for pain. You made him take off his hoodie but leave his top on which you just pushed up. Deciding against waking him, you threw a blanket over his body before changing into a nightgown in the bathroom and then lying down in your own bed and drifting off. ---------------timeskip ------------------- It was still nighttime when you woke to the sound of groaning. It took you a moment to remember Jeff was in your room and passed out on the sofa. Well, he was. You could see in the moon light he had sat up. “Jeff?” You called out softly, propping yourself up on your elbows. Jeff seemed to tense at your voice before twisting to look at you. Then something in him snapped. He threw of his covers and moved across the room in a flash before pressing his lips to yours in a rough kiss. You jumped at the force alone as he dominated the kiss, a deep growl leaving his chest. But you were eager to kiss him back. You didn’t know what had came over Jeff, but you were glad. It was hard being in the house with him because you loved him and had done for years. So to have him take control and kiss you like this made your head spin. When he felt you kissing back, he crawled onto the bed and you kicked off your own covers as he moved between your legs, his hips buckling slightly. You felt him through his jeans and boxers. He was hard and grinding against you for relief. You leaned back and wrapped one arm around his neck and the other slipped between your bodies to rub his bulge, making him growl. Proxys weren’t lovie dovie, they weren’t romantic and lovers. You knew exactly what you were getting yourself into and you needed as much as he did. You had all but forgotten about his wound. Breaking the kiss for a moment, Jeff fumbled to undo his jeans and pull himself out of his boxers. You didn’t even bother trying to take off your panties and he didn’t mind. He simply pulled your nightie up and reached between your legs, pulling them to the side. Apparently, the quick make out session had been more than enough to get your going as your hips buckled against his fingers which rubbed there. Moaning, you didn’t care who heard. It all seemed so surreal. He didn’t take long before lining himself up with your folds and thrusting inside. You threw your head back as you let out a strangled moan as he filled out. You felt Jeff press peppered your jaw and throat with kisses as he began to thrust inside you at an almost painful rate. But you had a high threshold for pain, and it quickly turned to pleasure as you wrapped your arms around his neck to pull him back in for another kiss. His hands found your waist and held your hips down as he fucked you senseless. You needed it though. How long had you wished for him to do this to you? To just push you up against a wall and fuck your brains out. To take you from behind with no warning. You just needed that release he could offer you. “Pl-please.” You gasped against his lips as his hands gripped your hips painfully. You didn’t even know why you wee begging him. “Yeah, fuck. You’re so good.” He moaned as he gasped for air. You raised your hands over your head as you moaned. He took this as an opportunity for one of his hands to run up your front and onto your breast. Arching your back into his hand, you moan. “I love you.” He suddenly growled, burying his face in your neck as if he had said it to you a thousand times rather than this being the first. “W-what?” You gasped as his thrusts became quicker and harder. “I love you!” He then bit down on your neck, making you cry out. “I-I love y-y-you.” You moaned as the pain was quickly eclipsed by your orgasm that crashed over your body. You quickly moved your hands to the back of his head, desperate for something to keep you grounded as you felt the pleasure pulse through your body in the most magnificent way. But you weren’t the only one. After a few more erratic thrusts and moans, Jeff came. You lay there for a few moments, basking in your orgasm as Jeff pulled out of you and moved to your side so you were closest to the wall. His arms wrapped around you so easily as he pulled you against his chest. Not that you minded. Closing your eyes, you drifted back off for the final time that night. --------------time skip ---------------------- When you woke, you could still feel Jeffs arms wrapped securely around you. You had moved to lie on your side, your back to Jeff but he was cuddled up behind you. And it seemed you weren’t the only one to have woken up again. You felt Jeff pull his arm out from under you to push himself up, a slight growl escaping his throat like it was sore to move. You rolled onto your back and stretched, a soft moan leaving your lips as you felt your muscles tighten from the nights sleep. This caught Jeffs attention. “[y/n]?” he asked, sounding confused and a slight big scared. “yeah?” you breathed, not fully awake enough yet to realise what sort of situation you were in. “Wait, why are you in my bed?” He asks, making you open you eyes a sit up. “You’re in my bed.” You point out seeing his eyes dart around the room which was still dark thanks to black out curtains but the sun poked in through the side. Then his eyes trailed back to you and looked at your neck. “Shit.” He growled as he scrambled out of your bed, his legs obviously not fully awake yet as they shook slightly. “Im sorry.” “Sorry for what?” You ask, confused as you moved out of the bed, wondering what was on your neck. The second you looked in the mirror that hung on the wall, you remembered everything. You had had sex with Jeff. And now you had a love bite on your neck. “Shit!” You cursed, rubbing your neck as if it might come off if you did. “I thought it was a dream!” Jeff growled as he moved quickly to grab his hoodie. “thought what was a dream?” You turned to him, confused as ever and slightly scared. You didn’t want to see him regret last night. “When I woke up. I thought I was in a damn dream again.” He clarifies as he pulls his hoodie on, fumbling a little. “Again? Do you dream about fucking me often?” You ask, getting a little more agitated. “every fucking night!” He growled then froze as he met your eyes. “You said you loved me. Last night. Do you say that in your dreams?” You ask, your voice soft as you walked over to him, scared he was going to run out. “Yes.” He breathed, unable to lie to you but also unable to maintain eye contact. “And outside the dream?” You ask as you stand in front of him. “Do you want to fuck me, to love me, outside the dream?” “More than anything.” He breathed, his eyes showing fear for the first time. “Good.” You smiled, leaning forward and kissing him, this time softly. Jeff seemed to melt against your lips as you kissed him softly and sensuously. While you needed it rough last night, both of you needed a little tlc this morning, even if he wouldn’t admit it. You take his hands in yours and guide him back to the bed. “Come on, lie with me for a little while.” You smile as he eagerly climbed back into bed with you, wiggling out of his hoodie but filching and holding his side when he threw it. “Your stiches! I completely forgot. We’d better check them.” You panic, starting t scramble out of them bed but Jeff wrapped his arms around your waist and pulled you back. “Nah, im good.” He chuckles, and you knew from the death grip he had around your waist you weren’t getting away any time soon. “Im gonna have to get some concealer and foundation.” You mumbled, rubbing your neck as you lie against his chest. “You’ll need more than that?” He chuckled, seeming to puff out his chest proudly at the love bite. “You wont be smirking when everyone else in the house see it.” You look up at him and saw a flash of fear cross his eyes again, this time because of the amount of proxys who protected and cared for you. “Shit, I only got a few hours left alive.” He breaths as you move so you were straddling his hips. “Well, then. We better make it count.” You giggle as you lean down for another kiss.

[riskeith]

hii!

oh right! i forgot that you can see the ask while responding hehe. i wish that was the case for moi as well because i have all our convos screenshotted because of this.

(actually not really? like my appearance is super girly and i like ~girly~ things but i also love the dudebro culture.. it do be like that. wbu?) WHY DID THE TSUKISHIMA IS NOT A TR*MP SUPPORTER SEND ME.... now who the hell would even say that and be serious... some people man i’m telling you.

diluc 🤝 razor 🤝 fischl animals over their heads.

oo.. you sparked my attention.. will def check it out. i was too busy playing last night to read anything but Today I Will.

OH YEAH I’VE SEEN THOSE cyberpunk is such a messy game sndhdkdhfjsk. HOLY SHIT THAT TRAILER MADE ME SO EXCITED! sjshdkdjfjdk god this game is so amazing yet fucking huge... how the hell will it fit any phone if it keeps getting bigger and bigger..?

nooo don’t worry i’m having fun tbh. and i’m super motivated too so that might be the case. also i switched the dub to japanese just before venti’s story mission and i’m loving it so much. thankfully there isn’t too much battle yet to distract me but god i love all their voices so far. venti... hinata finally started to actual fly. i like diluc’s voice too! love his actually, super fitting for his character. 🥺

WOULD KEITH LOOK LIKE THIS IRL... he probably would 😭 greasy boy lived in the desert his hair is probably so bad 😭 what kind of mullet would you want though? like s1 keith or s7 keith? or do you have a specific kpop artist’s hair you wanna replicate? OOO.... rock star? 😳💢 what’s your clothing style if you had to describe it? also what are your thoughts about tattoos and piercings? since we’re on the topic of punk rock hdjdsksj.

idk why i find your beef with slow songs so funny aksjdhdjdhdjsk like i can just imagine you groaning bc a song doesn’t pick up the pace lol (omo...... where would we go? 😳)

treasure hoarders are fun to fight bc they just cuss you the fuck out sjdkdkshd. i like when they yell at you yet they’re so weak like fuck off dude. THE HILICHURLS ARE KIND OF CUTE YOU’RE RIGHT especially the ones that dance or sleep and you interrupt them... 🥺 personally i like fighting the slimes i think they’re adorable. they just bounce and their music isn’t too loud or annoying. you know what i fucking hate? goddamn ruin guards i can’t stand them and their aggressive music dhdjdkshs. their drop rates are shit but hilichurls are also the most common enemy, right?

after dinner? aww. same! it’s such a nice way to wind down; a cup of tea and some candle lights.. i love all of those flavors Except matcha, it just doesn’t work for me kdhddk i feel like green tea tastes like grass.. sometimes i drink it bc it’s healthy but i’m Not happy. otherwise i’m like you i drink practically everything. mostly black tea though because that’s what most common in my culture i suppose. djdkdj i used to be so good at drinking water but since i’ve been at home a lot it’s been getting worse... i do have a water bottle by my side always bc as much as i drink other things clean water is important too! are you good at drinking water?

do you know about the euphoria make up style though? it’s super colorful and lots of glitter and abstract shapes it’s so amazing and it would fit xiao so well. like imagine him in bold aqua and purple make up with lots of shimmer... 🥴

hehe, can’t wait to hear from you! <3 (and yeah! no i figure i’ll just keep it so you’ll at least know my name.. we’ve been talking since oct it’s only fair.. right?)

heya!! 

ghdgkjdfg i do be taking up your photo gallery tho <33

(:o! i reckon i’m pretty much of a tomboy, tho i’m definitely stereotypically girly too.. but sometimes i have a hard time relating to other girls so hsfjdhfksd) FHSKFSD yeah ikr like.... sometimes it really aint that deep there are no other sides to it LOL

i hope you enjoy it!!!!!!!!!!!!! i sure did i reread it as well a few days ago ahaha

IKRRR I REWATCH THE TRAILER AGAIN EVERY NOW AND THEN JUST BC LIKE,,,, THE HYPE. that’s actually a good point tho lmao like??????? buys a phone/device JUST for genshin fhsdkjfhskdfs

nice!!! hope you enjoy the japanese dub hehehe. and omg that’s so cute 😭😭😭 he’s tobe flying now... and yasss diluc’s VA is really popular too his voice is 👌 sehr gut

FHDFKJSDHK EWWW. yikes i don’t remember his hair but i think s1?? it was shorter then right... “tidier” lol i feel like at s7 it was kinda outta control fhskfjds. and yeah!! https://twitter.com/worldsbestmulet/status/1186534890415644673 < he was my insp for a bit bc we’re both chinese so i think realistically i could look somewhat close if i tried fhskjfhds but also https://i.pinimg.com/originals/de/7b/fc/de7bfc8c52603abd7c69dc558c9c8bfe.jpg is what i showed my hairdresser when i wanted an undercut hfksdjfds. my clothing style is legit just: whatever’s comfortable. it’s pretty much all sports branded clothes fhskfjsd and i live in my hoodie + trackies lollllll. but last year w uni i wanted to step up my fashion game (rip) and i wanna buy more street style clothes!! they’re just... quite expensive lmaooo. what’s yours like? 

and i like them!! when i was 14 i wanted to get a tongue piercing FKHDSHFKSDHFKSD but i never did lol. but i did get a double helix piercing in dec finally!!!!!!! i think i’m done now tbh (aside from that i only have my lobes pierced) but yeah it’s not a big desire of mine. i had a dream once tho where i was decked out in piercings and thought it was very Cool. as for tattoos, i’ve always wanted to get one! and last year i was lowkey toying around with the idea of getting a sleeve but realistically i cannot bc well. med. (if anyone reading this has a good stable well paying job for me that’ll allow me to quit uni... hmu FHSFHDSFKJSD) you??

FHSKDFHDS yeahhh it’s so awkward when people are recommending me songs and it’s slow bc im just like “mm yeah it’s nice.” and if it does actually pick up the pace then i’m like “i liked the fast parts” FHSDKFSD. (wherever you want to go baby 😉 wait omg..... read running on air that just have me.. roa vibes HFKJDSHFKSHFKSD) 

yes!! i love those hilichurls sm... AHAHAHH i used to hate ruin guards too but now they’re actually one of my faves dhfdskj. you know what’s so annoying tho. dendro slimes when i don’t have any pyro users on me. or when i can’t find them and the music has just started up out of noweher hfdskjf. yeahhh i think they are but :(( you can’t tell me “dropped by lvl 60+ hilichurls” and not have them drop it for me.. 

ahaha that’s fair!! i adamantly did not try anything matcha until like 2018/19 and then wow. a whole new world opened up to me and now i only get matcha whenever i go places fhdskj. ooft... yeah i’m really good at drinkng water it’s the only thing i drink lol... and i’m always just drinking and refilling my cup and giving myself an excuse to leave my room fhskjds.

yeah i think i have an idea! mostly just zendaya in the song thumbnails fhskdfjs but i am picturing a lot of glitter!! that image wow...... his colour palette is so 🤩🤩

(omg since oct... has it been that long already 😳 but okay if that’s what you’re happy with!! i promise i won’t accidentally out you here ahaha. also! when you reach co-op send me your UID in a separate ask!! i’ll delete it after i add you im just paranoid about you sharing your uid anywhere public hfskdjfhsd) 

babe.. this thread https://twitter.com/seungjinphobia/status/1349001013978533890?s=21 no thoughts head empty.

omg 😭😭😭😭😭😭 i cannot... their dynamic is literally xiao: someone’s gonna die >:( venti: of fun! :D JHFSKFHDSKJFSK i can’t take it someone stop them!!! ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhdkjfhaofisdhliajdfhdsjkfhgsliudfhasdkjhdasjgadsj

hope your day has been wonderful so farrrrr OH ALSO I FINALLY MADE MY GENSHIN TWITTER FOR CHONGYUN... will share over co-op maybe.. i haven’t really set it up yet hfskdjds

[00001100x-blog]

7:07; 150702

To my dearest baobei, my one and only Senpai #0,

Hi. If ever you’re wondering on why this started at July second, it’s because I kind of failed trying to type down what I wanted to say back in July first.

Actually, I’m not a fan of sending letters repeatedly because I have a tendency to write down the same things I wrote from the previous one and of course, it is boring just reading  the same stuff over and over again. But right now, I’m going to write something new. Some things I have never told you back on my previous letter.I don’t really know what I’ll be putting in here because as I told you in my previous letter, my ideas vanishes whenever I try to write you something. I don’t know why but they seem to hate me. ene

How many twelves has it been? Why does it feel like an eternity? Actually, I don’t really like celebrating this kind of things because I don’t want to measure how long we’ve been together but I just counted with a loud voice right now. February, March, April, May, June, July. From March, there were five twelves. (I actually panicked bcs I forgot March and April and I kept on counting February, May, June, July. /shot/)

I don’t know if I have told you that I actually planned on asking you on exactly Valentine’s Day and for some reasons, I was two days earlier. (But it was a good thing bcs became busy two days later) Idek why I’m telling you this but I’m really embarrassed right at this moment. Why did you do this to me I used to be nonchalant about being honest why am I so embarrassed right now this is not fair.

I don’t really know how this letter will go because I’m pretty sure this will be even more fucked up and gay unlike last time because this time, I promised to be as honest as I could and I don’t break my man words. I never break my man words. #mnalymannam

So yes, you have plastic surgeried into a J—Lee Taegyun and what the heck. Why do you look so much cuter for some reason? (I still haven’t forgiven that person who sent me a ton of your pictures okay. ene) What do you think would have happened if nanay Taeng didn’t expose your profile? Would we be reprimanded/ reported for yaoi-ing? /shot again/ Well, actually we were yaoi since the start so I don’t think it’s going to be a big issue. (I need my meds right now I think i’m getting mentally unstable again otl /shot)

I actually still am adjusting to your character change tbqh so I’m sorry if ever I don’t mention any names or misspell your name and mix it with Ambo. It takes me days (and even weeks) to adjust and I think I’m slowly getting into it though so I guess it wouldn’t be so hard anymore. unu

-8:13 -

-17:04-

If you have realized, there’s a reaaaaally huge gap on the time where I started and when I continued but you have been talking to me in between those hours. I don’t know why but I can’t really focus on writing this while I’m talking to you lately ‘cause I have been treating our time when we’re together so precious ‘cause we can’t talk as often as before unlike a few weeks ago where we had all the time for ourselves.

I kind of miss it.

You know, just… talking to you the whole day and acting so cute to “disturb” you. (I still think that I look so werd and that it’s stupid whenever I pretend to be a kitty/ puppy but I’m actually enjoying it whenever you’re all “omg u cute let me hug you ily eric” on me. /shot bcs why does this sound so weird)

Honestly, now that we’re a little more occupied, I just want to…

cLING ON YOUR LEG AND TELL YOU HOW MUCH I MISS YOU AND HOW MUCH I WANTED TO BE WITH YOU BUT CAN’T.

I don’t know with myself a hahahah a goodbye why do I sound like a child this is unfair i wanted to sound manly. D8

wHAT ELSE SHOULD I WRITE DOWN…

OH YEAH THAT-

You have been posting links on my wall and I know I tend to ignore some of them but I only ignore them bcs I’m on mobile and I wanted to see/ watch them first before giving my reactions on it. So yes, don’t feel so bad if I do so, Okay? unu

I know I tend to joke around and tell you I’d do really weird things (Like spilling your pictures to the whole sbliss community) but I don’t really mean all of them, okay? Just a few. I also don’t mean harm, okay. I only do that because… um… because I want attention. ouo

How am I saying this without getting so embarrassed though, I—

I’m going to get some air and cry at myself as I ponder on what I just typed and why I am typing this-

-18:27-

-9:04; 150703-

Okay, so as I said earlier, I have been bullying you a lot lately and I know at times I juust go overboard and do weird things. If you don’t like it though, just tell me to stop, ok? Because I don’t want you mad at me or anything unu. At times, I just don’t get the situation so easily. I’m just too dumb to handle at times. I’m sorry. Tbh, I don’t know how you deal with me whever I act like a kid and just annoy you the whole time. /shot/ I’m really sorry for being like this. Really.

I also know that whenever I play around and pretend as Tao and just blurt out really weird and cheesy crap like last time gets you in trouble (Like hurting yourself bcs I’m pretty sure you almost jumped off your seat while trying not to scream and squeal and contain all the feels last night). Tbh idk but I pretty much got a lil jealous when I found out you did bcs tao mentioned and Idk. I just… yeah. That.

And speaking of jealous, Forgive me if ever I suddenly say that I would “burn this /insert name/ guy right here”. It’s just that I really gET EASILY JEALOUS IDEK WHY BRB SOBBING AT MYSELF THIS IS SO EMBARRASSING WHERE IS MY MANLY NOW. But it’s true that I would gladly want to burn them men (and girls included at times tbqh) without any second thought.

Edit: I will seriously rip wonho’s head tho. ouo

But I’m a good boy so I won’t actually do it. ouo

-10:52 -

-9:09; 150704-

Okay. So yesterday, I just made the bravest decision in my life.

I have been the forbidden peach named Huang Zitao. Actually, I was really going to change even if I can’t change my name but that will be on the sixth.

Yes, on your birthday. Wow. Why am I even telling you this oh my gA

I don’t really plan on bullying you to be honest. I just want to legalize my AB puns. /shot so hard rn there’s blood everywhere/ And to be younger and not labelled a grandpa- /shot again- hEAD SHOT DOUBLE KILL/

I just realized that it has been days and it still hasn’t been as long as my last letter. For some reasons, I actually wanted it to be longer than the last one so hopefully it’ll be but I’m pretty sure you’ll get so bored in the middle of this and fall asleep at me since you’re a bear and all you do is sleep. /shot/ jkjk ily baobei

But really though. This letter is typed on microsoft word, Arial, size 8 and it’s only been two pages with 1,300+ words. It’s so short. And I was planning to add a thousand more to my word count goal. (So at least 3,000 words. Wow. I can make a novel with the letters I’m sending you xD)

So to make it longer, I will just tell you the cheesiest and most cringe- worthy puns and pickup lines I will hear and watch over on the next few days. I wanted to sound a little romantic but I just can’t. For some reasons, I just sound so lame whenever I do that.

And by lame, I meant so lame that people will just stare at me with a poker face and say “u kidding me bro?”

Yep.

oH I FOUND THIS POEM LIKE THING I KIND OF WROTE WHEN I WAS BORED.

But it isn’t as cheesy as the things I send you, alright. I’m just trying to sound like I’m gonna spoil you so much one day.

I don’t know if I should send you the whole thing but then I re-read it and laughed because there was a line that said: “I’ll make sure to time travel back to the Jurassic era to get you a dinosaur or ten”. I might have missed taking meds that day because time travelling sounds im—Wait- It’s not impossible for me now I just have to activate Tao pow—I think I’ve lost it- ouo

-10:20-

-10:47; 150707-

I haven’t been writing in this document for two/ three days because I was busy and I had to do a lot of other stuff but hERE I AM YAY AFTER A MILLION YEARS—

Alright, what else should I say?

So yes, I know I have rEALLY lacked a lot. I know at times I am a lil wimpy and I only know how to be logical and I really don’t fight back to people (Because if I do I’ll get back the worse way possible and I admit that I’m a nerd that’s why I don’t fight back) and you kind of saved my butt when the bs fight happened. unu (Truth is that I’m tired talking to her tbh and I’m not good at insulting others in front of their faces. /shot/ Also, I act like a kid a lot of times- Tell me if I’m getting annoying okay I just— idk why i’m doing it when I get really embarrassed doing aegyo on other people-

-11:51-

-13:34-

Warning: You’ll find the word sorry a lot from this point on.

If you don’t know, I’ve been trying to write something during my free time that’s why some are cliff- hanger-ed and some are just damn short. (Like your height. jkjk ily baobei) tbh, I feel bad about that- Not being able to write you something as long as my previous letter. You know that I get mad at myself if I fuck up or if I didn’t get things right. I actually am a little upset at myself for not being able to write paragraphs and paragraphs of cheese that I have promised myself to write in this letter.

I guess I failed again.

I’m sorry for always being like this okay? I just think I should do better the next time and surpass what I have done the last time. This is why I wanted to write at least 3,000 words because 2,700 is not enough. I just need to do much more for some reason. Honestly, I don’t even know why I have the need to do that when I barely challenged myself into something. Maybe it’s just not enough?

I still am wondering on why I still remember most of the things you tell me. Useless or not. (Yes, I still remember it. It’s red. You told me to forget but it just crossed my mind again.) I really am so sorry if I use it against you at times and teasing you about them. I just—you’re just so cute whenever I tease you and I can’t help but tease you more because you’re so cute. So much kawaii pls u kawaii. You’re a living kawaii god. /whispers/ jesus.

I actually wanted to put the word “my” before “kawaii god” but it just doesn’t sound so right. Not in a dirty way, though- But it kind of sounds as if I’m actually worshipping you and that’s just too extreme and it sounds a lil obsessed. (I wouldn’t mind worshipping you tho if you want to eue /shot/) It’s not that I don’t love you, okay. I just don’t want to sound so obsessed and weird though I’m pretty sure I would end up planking in the middle of the road and scream your name out in agony as the cars beep at me because I’m causing a traffic jam when you’re not around.

I think I’m a little overreacting right now and I should stop doing that.

sEE WHAT YOU DID TO ME YOU MADE ME THIS GAY I WASN’T THIS GAY BEFORE. unu

-13:58-

-17:02; 150709-

I blabber a lot of nonsesnse sometimes ok and it doesn’t mean that I do them on purpose. I really don’t want to make you mad or anything. You shouldn’t mind me if I do that ok. unu

Also, please do tell me when you’re upset ok. It makes me feel a lil bit uneasy and want to go back to my man words and wanting to leave because I start to have thoughts that it would be better if I disappear. I’m sorry. At times I just get to be really depressed and i do things that are beyond stupid.

Shoot. My head is aching even more. Hahahaha

Anyways, so, yes, I don’t know what in the fuck is wrong with me that I keep on fucking things up and stuff. I also don’t know why I keep on saying sorry but I am really, really sorry. I’m so sorry no words can describe how sorry I am.

Isn’t this a creative letter? Hahaha Sorries are most likely 95% of my letter.

… And I said it would be really cheesy this time. /shot/

-17:31-

-15:39; 150711-

I should be really honest right now and say that I really was supposed to do a few paragraphs each day but I failed. It’s not because I was abandoning it, okay. It was because I prefer to Talk to you and hug you and stuff than write something here. I also wasn’t really planning on making you a letter this time but then I thought I couldn’t really do anything more than that because I pretty much suck at things that I’m supposed to be good at.

Like making good puns.

… In which I was never good at.

But my AB puns are still unbeatable okay, b AB. eue /sHOT RIGHT AT THE SPOT/

I really think you don’t need to read this whole letter tbqh because It’s just full of nonsense crap anyways. The main point here (again) is that I love you so much. Very muuuuch. Like this -> o <-Because circles doesn’t end and I just love you that much okay. unu

But I guess I should end this letter reaaaal soon.

What else should I say?

Yeah. I’m a little short of my own word limit and this is dumb because I said I’d write 3,000 words and get you so bored reading this but I guess I failed. unu

Whatever, though. I already feel accomplished as I have finished another letter once again.

I love you so much.

Even if you’re so mean and you bully me a lot and you like taking advantage of things especially when it comes to aegyo. /shot bcs semi- describing myself/

-20:25-

-13:46; 150712-

But I guess I shouldn’t end this just yet.

I really don’t want to say thank you and stuff because I’m pretty sure that I’m trying my best to show you how thankful I am that you existed in my life ok. You always make me feel that I’m important even if I’m a really annoying weirdo sometimes.

About that one we had a fight, by the way, I only said it wasn’t a big deal but to be honest there was one time I really begged people so I can get one ok. tHIS IS EMBARRASSING OH MY gOD. And of course I’m sure you know all about that because Sica tells you all the embarrassing things I tell her and do in front of her.

But really though, I deleted most of what I got except for yours pls.

-14:02-

-16:19-

Wow. I’m so out of words now.

Actually, I already had this letter done last night but then the urge of dragging it longer is just so biG.

All I really want to say is that I love you even if you’re mean and you like calling me cute even if I’m trying to be manly in front of you.

I love you even if you’re a really big klutz and you’re confused all of the time.

I love you even if you’re the most imperfect creature in this world bcs pls there is no flawless creature in this world.

I love you because you’re you so no matter how dumb you get jUST REMEMBER THAT I LOVE YOU OK.

And never forget that bcs if you do I will seriously just… sulk in a corner there because I’m unmanly enough to do something manly about that.

Yes. And no matter what happens, you’ll be my small, fragile and kawaii oppa. (Even though you’re really not an oppa. Stop confusing ppl pls they’re starting to think we’re gay tho it’s kind of true that we’re gay.)

And seriously, okay. I will try my best to protect you even though the truth is that you’re the one who saves my butt.

But yes, I want to tell you that I love you so much. Very much. So much that words can’t explain it anymore. It’s unfathomable. (what the fuck am I saying. Hahahaha /shot/)

Let me say it again,

I love you, Jung Daeun.

So much.

-16:30-

By Huang Zitao, 71215

Total words: 3,021(Time and emoticons included)

Pages: 5 (portrait) 6 (landscape)