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#just respond to my annoying questions. its so sad that im desperate for the bare minimum :
strwbrymlkshake · 2 years
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I feel like there's an obsession in me waiting to burst out, but so many horrible things have happened due to that, it's rotting in there. I'm worried.
#mine#yandere#yandere vent#im not even sure if i WANT to be obsessed. its all clouded up in my head nothing makes sense#like my immediate obsessions have migrated from all of them being romance to all of them being plain admiration#which is way way way way WAY better because then no one will think its as creepy. im not a creep. for the love of god#he was such a fucking liar. made me feel safe and then ripped everything out from under me.#OK ANYWAYS thats not the point of this post . i literally cannot tell what my feelings for anyone are anymore. i cant differentiate them#im just waiting for someone to ask me if i Like Him because ive been acting so attached to him but i couldnt give a straight answer.#i dont even know ! yes this vent is caused by a minor inconvenience. ok well its technically bc i wouldnt be able to hang out w him#i dont fucking want to be dependent on him i dont want him to influence my emotions this shit has happened so often it has to be over#still thinking abt the 'you think hes in love with you?? he doesnt even like you' post 💀#i dont know what my feelings ARE but i know theyre bad ausuaufjfjf i dont wanna be overbearing#im 'less annoying' in the sense i try to barely message him at all. like he doesnt care lol. he probably values me as a friend ig#not sure why im so torn up over this. i doubt we are compatible in the first place but i have the horrible obsession again#i dont feel a particularly strong emotional connection to him ig. like he is nice he is fine but im not insane yandere abt it#more just distressed dere about it –_– i mainly just want him to talk to me and tell me about stuff like thats IT#just respond to my annoying questions. its so sad that im desperate for the bare minimum :/#genuinely dont know if its a romantic attachment? i feel wrong if i imagine stuff like that. i dont want to be thought of as a freak again#i just want everyone to feel sorry for me!? but no one is gonna wanna hang out with me if im begging for sympathy all the time !!!#i just like his voice and his vocabulary etc a funny guy . but hes my friend so i feel fuckin dirty imagining even mildly romantic things#last time i did that i got called a creep <3 im physically unable to think of that anymore! it feels so disgusting!#im happy because i wont have delusional one sided romances anymore but also upset at the fact i cant imagine situations to make me happy#thats what regular teenagers do. they daydream abt crushes they have. but i cant do that. it feels so horrible#i wanna be like 'omg i love him<3' but i dont know if i do. i really dont know. i cant distinguish love#all my 'crushes' feel like broken watered down messes. they dont make any sense. i want clarity. i want to be healthy for once#i dont know if any of my feelings are real or long lasting ^_^ and if they were they have a 0.0000001 chance of being reciprocated#im not going to lose my mind over this strange feeling again. its happened so many times w so many different people#i ought to be used to it by now! i dont know if i will ever be able to truly be IN LOVE again. im not sure i ever was#💿
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I Pick the TV Show, Rogers Shuts His Cake-Hole | Bucky x Steve x Reader (Angst, Fluff)
Category: Angst, Fluff (Suggested) Age: 14+ Trigger Warnings: none, other than the standard explicit language Ship: Bucky x Steve x Reader Summary: Steve Snaps At Reader When He’s Stressed, Resulting In Her Being Very Upset Request: "can u write where steve/bucky is overwhelmed with something and when reader asks to help or is telling them to relax they snap at reader and reader is hurt which makes them feel really bad afterwards. thank you sm. i love ur writings. and this is anon right? is it alright if u dont post my response if its not anon? im sorry. thank you so much. ur blog always pictures great stucky imagines. 💗💗💗" Contains Spoilers for: N/A Word Count: 2,488
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A given, the super-soldier had been on nonstop missions for the last month or so, but she thought she was helping him feel better, not making him feel worse.
“Would you like anything to eat, Stevie? You’ve barely moved all day.” (Y/N)’s voice is small. Quiet.
She’s leaning through the door of his study where he’s sat putting together his mission reports from the last three or four missions he’s been out on.
He shakes his head but doesn’t even turn to look at her.
Sighing, the woman walks further into the room where her boyfriend is slouched over the desk.
“You gotta take a break, Stevie.” She whispers, resting her hands on his shoulders.
She notices the way they tense up, but he still remains silent.
His fingers continue to write up his report on the laptop.
“I’m worried about you, Stevie; talk to me.”
“I’m busy, (Y/N).”
“I know you are, baby, but you’ve gotta look after yourself too.” She attempts, leaning down to press a kiss to his cheek. He pulls away.
The woman furrows her brows.
“Steve, please, you’ve got to-”
“(Y/N), just stop!”
The shout is sudden and it makes her flinch back away from the man as he turns to face her.
“I’m fine, alright?! I don’t need you babying me all the time!”
She doesn’t respond for a second, surprised at her lover’s outburst.
He says nothing more, simply turns back to the laptop and continues typing away.
“Steve, look how stressed you are. Can you please just-”
“STOP! Okay?! Just stop! Leave me the fuck alone while I finish these neverending mission reports. For once in your life can you just understand that not everything is about you?!”
(Y/N) swears that being shot in the heart wouldn’t hurt half as much as the words that just came out of the man’s mouth.
Her mouth opens and closes as if searching for the right words to say, but that hurt.
Is she really that bad? Is that the truth behind all of this? That she’s clingy? Thinks everything is about her? That was never her intention. (Y/N) is well aware of how important being an Avenger is. Hell, she is an Avenger, for Christ’s sakes.
She says nothing more and leaves the room.
She can’t even decide if she feels sad. No. She’s not sad, she’s not angry, she’s not… anything.
Numb.
Naturally, her feet lead her to their room. Steve’s room. They all basically share the super soldier’s abode since they all got together, but right now she doesn’t dare open the door.
Doing a full one-eighty spin, (Y/N) takes herself back to a place she barely touches anymore. Her room.
It’s pretty empty. Most of her clothes are in Steve’s room, in her own walk-in wardrobe. Her bed is perfectly made from the last time she slept in here - maybe a year ago?
The woman walks around her bed and straight onto her bedroom balcony, overlooking the lake at the back of the compound, and stays there. For three-hours. Until Bucky comes looking for her.
He came home from his mission about thirty-minutes ago only to find their shared room of Steve’s empty. He searched just about everywhere, completely clueless.
“FRIDAY, where’s (Y/N) and Steve?” He finally gives in.
“Captain Rogers is in study five, and Agent (L/N) is in her private quarters.”
Now that makes the brunet furrow his brows.
Why would (Y/N) be in her room and not his or Steve’s?
He prioritises finding (Y/N) first, knowing Steve will be writing up mission reports, no doubt.
Despite them being together for over six-years now, he hesitates when reaching for the handle of her bedroom door. Instead, the man opts to knock.
No answer.
“(Y/N)?” Nothing. “Doll, it’s me; can I come in?” Nothing.
Bucky tries the door handle and finds it unlocked, yet still hesitates.
“Baby?” He calls out. Again, nothing.
He’s cautious now. Scared.
Her room looks as untouched as the last time he saw it, which was a few months back when she was after one of her plushies.
“(Y/N)?”
It’s when he feels the chill of the midnight winds ruffle his hair that he realises her balcony doors aren’t fully closed.
Striding straight over, his eyes widen at the sight of his girlfriend curled up in the corner of the outdoor area, crying.
“(Y/N), baby, hey, what’s wrong?!”
Bucky immediately drops to his knees in front of the woman, reaching for her hands and gently tugging them away from her tear-stained face.
“(Y/N), doll, look at me.” His voice is gentle. Soothing.
She does almost instantly but her sadness stays.
“What happened, baby? Are you hurt?”
The fear and sincerity in his voice is enough to prompt the woman to shake her head. Yes, she’s hurting emotionally, but he needs confirmation that she’s not dying.
The woman immediately sees the relief take over his features, but he’s still concerned.
“What’s wrong, doll?”
Her eyes stray away from his, not wanting to tell him what’s got her so upset.
“Hey, no, look at me, baby,” He whispers, hand lightly grasping at her chin to raise her face back up to his. “What’s got you so worked up, (Y/N)?”
Another shake of her head as she tries to escape her lover’s hold.
“Baby, please, you’re scaring me.”
Her face contorts into something close to heartbreak as she wants nothing more than to reassure the man in front of her.
“It’s okay, Buck.”
“It’s not okay! Doll, I haven’t seen you cry since Stevie nearly died on that mission in Ohio like two-years-ago! Talk to me.”
She takes a deep breath and wipes her face of the shedding tears.
“Do you want me to get Stevie?”
The question is innocent and makes sense, but her eyes widen and she shakes her head desperately.
“No! No, please, no.”
That truly makes the super soldier concerned.
“Doll, please can you tell me what’s happened?”
Never in the last eight-years that Bucky and (Y/N) have known each other has she been so reluctant to see Steve.
Another sob escapes her and it’s breaking his heart.
“Baby, please.”
“Steve got mad at me, alright?!” She manages an attempted shout. “I just wanted him to look after himself.”
“What happened? What did Steve do?”
He’s concerned. Massively.
“I was trying to get him to eat; he hasn’t eaten properly in so long. He’s so overworked and he’s hung up on all these mission reports. He told me that not everything was about me - shouted at me; told me to stop.” She’s whimpering and sniffling again now. “Please get him to eat something, James.”
That last sentence is the one that crushes him. She’s upset, yeah, but above all that, she’s still worried about the blond super soldier.
“Come on, baby, let’s go to our room and get into bed, yeah? I’ll go and speak to Stevie.”
Her eyes meet his and she looks scared, but the ocean blue gaze that he returns makes her bound to his every command.
The woman nods.
“Okay.”
“That’s my girl.”
With the help of the Winter Soldier, (Y/N) manages to stand up, letting him lead her out of her private room and into their shared one of Steve’s.
“Here, let’s get you into your PJs, yeah?”
He doesn’t leave room for negotiation as he helps his girlfriend strip out of her casual dress and into one of his oversized t-shirts.
“You get snuggled up in bed, doll. I’m going to go and get Stevie, okay?”
He hates how she looks nervous at the mention of their other lover’s name.
“He loves you more than words can describe, baby girl, I promise you. He shouldn’t have lashed out at you, I’m gonna talk to him, okay?”
A hesitant nod and forced smile is enough for now.
“I’ll be back shortly, I promise.” He leans over and gives the woman a kiss on the lips, leaving her with one of her favourite shows playing on the TV.
“Bucky,” Her choked up voice calls out just before he leaves.
The man turns from his place in the doorway.
“I love you.”
The smile that takes over his expression is contagious.
“I love you too, baby girl. More than anything.”
Despite his reassurance to the woman, he’s pretty damn pissed for a number of reasons about Steve losing his cool with their girl. Reason number one being, how dare he? Reason number two being, he knows better than to overwork, yet here we are.
Bucky doesn’t even knock once he approaches the glass doors of the study where Steve is sat typing away on the laptop.
The blond doesn’t even glance up to see who entered. He barely heard the door open which enrages Bucky further.
The brunet slams the lid of the laptop shut without saying a word, prompting Steve’s head to shoot up, glaring daggers at whoever has interrupted him.
“What the fuck, James?!”
That makes Bucky really get annoyed.
“Are you serious right now, Rogers?”
“I’m in the middle of about seven different mission reports, Buck, I’ve gotta finish them.” The man sighs, going to open the lid of the PC once more, only for Bucky to hold it down. “James, seriously,”
“No. What you need to do is explain to me why our girlfriend has been crying for the last God-knows how many hours?”
That makes Steve snap back to reality.
“What? (Y/N) has been crying? Is she okay?”
Bucky literally rolls his eyes at that.
“Are you fucking serious, Steve?” He repeats, Steve looking confused, expression contorting as he realises that his boyfriend is seriously angry at him.
“Bucky, what’s wrong? What’s happened?”
The Winter Soldier’s head lolls back as he groans in frustration.
“You seriously have no idea?” He asks, rhetorically, watching Steve look almost scared. “Do you often shout at your girlfriend and forget it happened?”
Cap’s eyes widen at that, and he visibly gulps.
“What?”
“She came in here to make sure you were looking after yourself, which you weren’t, by the way, and you tell her that not everything is about her?! Are you fucking stupid, Steve?!”
He remembers it all too well in that moment, turning his head down to avoid the frustrated glare of his male lover.
“No. No, you don’t get to look away from me. Look at me.” Bucky demands, watching the blond super soldier reluctantly do so. “I come home from my own exhausting mission, search for (Y/N) for thirty-minutes, and find her crying her God-damn heart out on the balcony of HER room; not our room, Steve, no. Her room.”
Steve’s heart shatters and his eyes widen once more.
(Y/N) hates staying in her room. She’d always be in his or Bucky’s without a doubt.
“I- Buck-”
Bucky shakes his head and stands back upright as Steve is lost for words.
“I’m not mad at you, Steve. I get it, you know? You’ve been overworking for the last month, I know you’re stressed, but fuck, baby, you can’t hurt her like that. Do you know how much my heart fucking shattered when I saw her curled up in the corner of her own God-damn balcony?! It tore me apart. She hasn’t cried since you nearly fuckin-” Bucky chokes on his own word as he walks away from his lover.
“I’m sorry! Buck, I’m sorry, okay? I shouldn’t have let Fury send me on that many missions, I- I should’ve said no. I’m sorry.” Steve attempts, standing up and following the brunet, turning him around to face him once more.
“It’s not me you need to be apologising to, Stevie.”
Captain America nods and leans up to press a kiss to the man’s lips.
“I’m sorry, James.”
Bucky takes a deep breath and forces a smile.
“I forgive you. Of course I forgive you, I know you didn’t mean it, but I swear to God, if you hurt her again…”
Steve is already shaking his head.
“I wouldn’t dream of either of you getting hurt. Where is she?”
“Our room.”
He nods and begins heading toward the woman to which he owes more than he can give.
The door is half ajar when Steve gets there, he slowly opens it to reveal his girlfriend in all her glory, curled up under their Captain America themed duvet - which Sam bought the trio as a joke last Christmas. Her face is clear-as-day red from her earlier upset, and it breaks his heart.
The man knocks gently on the day as if not to startle the poor girl.
“Hey, sweetheart.” He offers a solemn smile when she turns to see who’s there.
He hates the way he can see her hesitation to speak to him as opposed to her usual squeal of his name, arms opening wide to welcome him into her cuddle-fest.
“Hi.” She manages, forcing her own smile.
There’s silence floating between them, the only sound being Jensen Ackles, in his role of Dean Winchester, talking a load of nonsense about pie on the TV that’s streaming Supernatural.
“Baby, I’m so sorry.” Steve manages, taking a step toward the bed. “Nothing can excuse the way I yelled at you, and I’m so sorry for that, but, sweetheart, trust me when I say I didn’t mean it. I was so stupidly stressed, and I should never have let it get to that point.”
She nods, truly believing his words, but it still hurt.
The blond sits down on the edge of the bed, not daring to cuddle his girlfriend until she’s comfortable.
“I love you so much, (Y/N) (L/N).”
A bigger smile taints her lips at that.
“I love you too, Steven.” Her voice is barely a whisper but he hears it clear as day.
“Can I hold you?”
(Y/N) smiles and shakes her head as if he was being silly.
“You never need to ask permission for that, Stevie. No matter what.”
With another sad smile, he pulls the woman into his arms and holds her tighter than ever before.
“I’m so sorry, my love.”
“I forgive you, but no more missions for a while.” She whispers.
“Yes, boss.”
Bucky’s leaning against the doorframe, watching the interaction. He took a detour to Tony’s office and made sure to give the billionaire a piece of his mind about making sure Fury didn’t have Steve on any missions for a long time.
“Is this the last episode?” The brunet speaks up, stripping himself of his clothes as he enters their room properly.
“Yeah.” (Y/N) nods.
“I still think we should watch Vampire Diaries instead.” Steve chuckles, mirroring Bucky’s actions.
“I pick the TV show, Rogers shuts his cake-hole.” (Y/N) teases, mocking a line from Supernatural and snuggling herself in the middle of the bed, sandwiched between the two super soldiers - where she belongs. “I love you both.”
“Love you too, sweetheart.”
“Love you always, doll.”
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