#kanda probably doesn’t know

[noodlebox-bird]

the gang innocently murders lavi

thank u @metiredlr for the insp ✨

[cosmicdream222]

An interview with a shifter who has been “time leaping” since 2001

I found this website of an interview with a Japanese shifter known as Mr. Kanda. He figured out how to shift back in time when he was in middle school - he calls it “time leaping”.

The original website is in Japanese and can be found here.

Mr. Kanda was born in 1986, and around 2001 failed his high school entrance exam. Due to his intense regret, he shifted back in time to repeat middle school. He then made multiple time leaps repeating certain years of his life, studying different subjects in high school and pursuing different careers. At the time of the interview, he says he has lived about 70-80 years of life.

I translated some of the most interesting parts below.

Note: a Tulpa is a phenomenon that’s like an imaginary friend that actually becomes a sentient separate consciousness from you. It’s an entirely different rabbit hole, so you can just think of it as a dream character to understand his story.

My notes are written in [brackets].

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・。.。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

Mr Kanda’s First Time Leap Story

Kanda: When I was meditating on my futon, I started to have a lucid dream.

At that time, Tulpa talked to me and said, "If you raise your clarity to the maximum in your dream, wouldn't it be possible to time leap, or even move around the world?" I tried it, but no matter how much I increased the clarity, it still felt like a dream.

So Tulpa said, "If you get absorbed in something you like, you won't be able to hear the voices around you, and your focus will gain momentum. You will eventually forget that you’re dreaming," so as a result of playing in the dreamworld, I spent about a week in a dream without knowing it.

At that time, I suddenly realized, "This is a dream", but I had already completely forgotten the feeling of the original world, and the dream world had become my new reality.

After thinking about why I didn't come back even though I realized it was a dream, the answer I came up with was, “It's because I completely lost my sense of the original world.”

To explain it another way, wouldn’t it be disorienting if I told you that the person you are right now is in a lucid dream of another person? That’s what it was like for me. My dream had actually become my reality, and I forgot about my old reality.

Q: What was the reason for your first time-leap?

Kanda: I think because something bad happened and I wanted to pretend it never happened.

The first time for me was probably a coincidence/accident. In fact, when I tried to do it again, I couldn't, so I started practicing with time leaps through lucid dreaming and meditation, and I got better at stabilizing and controlling them.

When people can’t do something, they hate it, but when they can do it, they love it. So once you succeed, even just once, your faith increases, and you know you can do it again!

Mr. Kanda’s Lucid Dreaming Method

Mr. Kanda recommends lucid dreams the most as a time-leap method. This is how he does it:

Before you go to sleep, first visualize in your head where you want to go. Then lie on your back and meditate. When you fall asleep, the images you were thinking about will run through your dreams. If you shift your consciousness to yourself in the dream, you will be able to act without being aware of what you are currently dreaming about.

In normal lucid dreaming, you become aware that you are dreaming right now [known as DILD or dream-induced lucid dream]. When trying to time-leap, the important thing is how much you can act in the dream in a way that is consistent with reality. He says it is important to “improve your clarity” to the point where it doesn’t feel like a dream anymore.

Mr. Kanda seems to be able to suddenly enter into a lucid dream from the moment he begins to sleep, [WILD - wake induced lucid dreaming] and he also teaches us how to do so:

First, relax.

In Kanda's case, he darkens his room 70 minutes before going to bed and drinks hot herbal tea. Adjust the temperature in the room to a comfortable level, then listen to some calming music. It's better to feel a little tired.

Once you get into bed, visualize and replay strong happy and positive memories in your mind. When you feel happy, close your eyes and calm down all at once and enter a meditative state.

Mr. Kanda recommends mindfulness meditation. Don't think about anything, just focus on the sound of your heart and breathing. When you successfully fall asleep from meditation, you are conscious but your body is asleep, and lucid dreaming begins.

Kanda meditates for 20 minutes every morning, not just when he wants to lucid dream. According to him, “conditioned reflexes” [creating habits] are important. By repeatedly performing a certain action, one eventually becomes able to enter that state without even trying.

 

Q: If the ‘you’ from another world were to time-leap to this world, what would happen to ‘you’ now?

Kanda: There seems to be a misunderstanding: there is only one consciousness.

Reality changes depending on where we place our consciousness in a world of infinite possibilities.

I do have consciousness in my other reality, but from the perspective of me in the current reality, it seems like I don't have consciousness.

In other words, my life in this other reality is as if it were controlled by a computer.

Of course, the same can be said for us. From the perspective of another reality’s consciousness, we too live our lives as if controlled by a computer.

In the end, even if consciousness from another reality shifts, the consciousness we see is always here. So no matter what they do, it has no effect on us.

[skysquid22]

In Mine’s backstory in the RRGO story he doesn’t take Daigo’s warnings or authority seriously until Daigo reveals he shares the same sentiment that life is more valuable than money and saves him from his own actions. And……. Augh the little parallels between that scene at the docks and the end of Yakuza 3…….

What defines Mine's motivation is that he's struggling between two different ideals--believing that he can find someone to put his trust in vs believing that everyone is a liar who's only after their own gain. Mostly, he's acting on the latter with his actions and thinking. Seeking power in monetary gain with how he rises in the Tojo Clan ranks in his RRGO backstory and all of his actions during Yakuza 3. Kiryu calls him out on this method and Mine refuses it since he wants to believe in that other ideal. It is very, very apparent that Mine is desperate for someone he can trust for once in his life. He's searching for that answer in his backstory and he's at the point where joining organized crime is a good idea AND he nearly puts his faith in fucking Kanda. [All these excerpts are from the translation I linked above.]

But later, Kanda abandons him using the excuse that the younger brother sacrifices himself for the older brother to live which pretty much seals the idea that the bonds of the yakuza aren’t true trust between others. Factor in Mine saying his belief that their lives are more valuable than money and Kanda immediately valuing the money and the time/effort it took to make than money over Mine… it’s a complete and utter rug pull. One that he knew not to put much value in but did anyway because he wanted to believe in someone more than believe that people only care about power. Who is Mine but two wolves trying to kill each other and the winner dictates his mental and emotional state.

Wolf B won this round and Mine (implied?) doesn’t fight back and just outright asks the second acting Nishkiyama patriarch to kill him faster.

And the same process more or less happens at the end of Y3. He’s losing his reason to live only it’s worse now since he committed himself more to Daigo than he ever did to Kanda. He’s not going to try again and look for an ineffable bond because he had that with Daigo and it’s gone—the thing he’s been searching for all his life and joined the yakuza to seek becomes completely nonexistent to him. All that's left of his beliefs is the one he's been leaning on since he was a kid, that life doesn’t have value over money and everyone lies.

But just like at the docks, Daigo comes back and proves him wrong.

At the docks, Daigo proves to him that there is such thing as a bond you can fully believe in. And on the roof, Daigo wakes up, which completely upends the entire reason Mine fully adopted his nihilistic thinking and killed the optimist inside him. Kiryu was able to get Mine to understand that his thinking was completely wrong, leaving him lost and like his world had collapsed because it did practically. Both core tenements of himself were burned to ashes. With Daigo waking up, Mine realizes that he can still believe in another person.

Before he was ready to die thinking he was ‘right’. At the end, he knows he’s wrong, but he doesn’t believe he’s deserving of that bond anymore. Instead of rediscovering his reason to live, he just found a reason to die. It hurts… I imagine that if Mine was successfully talked down the vibes probably would’ve been similar to this scene in RGGO: Recognition of mistakes from both parties, Mine’s apology (which he does on the roof), Daigo offering a solution, Mine affirming his kinder core belief, and Daigo believing in Mine (ALSO happens on the roof).

Last point on Mine’s state of thinking and the parallels between his origin story and the events of Y3—Daigo straight up tells Mine that his thinking that people only lie to each other and care about power will get him killed. I love foreshadowing when writing a prequel. ALSO crazier to me is after Mine meets Daigo for the first time he’s disappointed in him because “He’s the same as me. Or how I once was…” which says so fucking much about his emotional state at that time AND his relationship to Daigo. The quote is specifically referring to the family bonds within the yakuza and how those outweigh the pursuit of power through monetary gains. Mine constantly assumes that the world is shit, thus acts accordingly to protect himself, but is clinging desperately to the idea that he can come to trust someone. A belief he’s so desperate for he joins the yakuza and nearly forces his answer as Kanda. Mine finally finds it with Daigo, I wonder if he would still consider them the same as one another. (I suppose this kinda supports the idea that Daigo could be Mine, but chose to live life with faith 'forward' rather than assume the worst of people.)

Daigo quite literally brings out the best in Mine. He’s not only Mine’s reason to live... Daigo is Mine’s proof that putting faith in trust is the right answer.

To recap:

[onomatopagu-et-cie]

Some other theories and observations, part 3

First impressions after re-reading DGM Some theories and observations, part 2 Notes on Link, part 1 & part 2

Again have a nice week!!

(SPOILERS UP TO CH248!!!!)

▶ Allen's curse

Will the manga elaborate more on Allen’s curse? The pentacle reappeared on volume 28’s cover again and D is an integral part of the title. (Btw, I can’t wait to read the copy I got of volume 28 as it’s now out in France! The cover is so beautiful, Hoshino outdoes herself every time with the new format, the back cover is pretty!!!)

This is the only piece of information we’ve got on it, apart from its evolving abilities. How can Komui be 100% sure a curse can only be inflicted on humans? Given how the majority of the Order didn’t know about the Noah and Apocryphos, I wouldn’t be surprised this could be false too.

▶ Allen/Neah’s (?) hidden ability

(thisoneislongsorryyyy)

Note: I wrote this BEFORE ch248 came out in July: it revealed the Allen we know was entirely remade by Apocryphos, and this could finally explain Neah, Road and Wisely’s confusion over Allen’s strange powers ; however, this doesn’t explain Apocryphos’s own confusion over Allen when he first encountered him nor exactly to what extent Allen was 'remade', so I kept these notes as is since we still don’t know more!

At the beginning of the volume 25, Wisely addresses Road as his brethren, probably because of the similarities of their powers. Wisely worries over Neah’s powers because he can’t read his mind somehow. At the end of the volume, after saying « Allen » is dangerous to Neah and them, Road states that she can’t connect her dream realm to his at will for some reason.

The two scenes mentioned sort of answer each other: both take place in Wisely/Road’s realm, one is at the beginning and the other at the end of the volume. And while Wisely thinks it’s Neah that outweighs his power, Road believes « Allen » (edit after reading ch248: Allen as he's remade by Apocryphos) the true danger instead.

Road’s inability to do as she wants might then involve a power we have not been officially introduced to when it comes to (past?)Allen besides his Innocence. And I don’t believe it’s about Neah at all, since she deems Allen dangerous (and also other people/things she refers to as ‘they’), and wants to warn Neah. If it was about Neah’s ability, this scene wouldn’t even happen and Road wouldn’t have questioned it since she knows him fairly well (while the other Noahs don’t because of the memory gap Neah caused).

In this chapter, Road also says « they’re using us », suggesting they could be the reason Allen is that threatening. She uses 奴ら (yatsura, plural) to refer to ‘them’: 奴 (yatsu, singular) is a derogatory/familiar pronoun.

EDIT: It's actually Cross, not Road, who says this specific part ('Allen is dangerous', 'They're using us.')!!!! She only speaks in the next page in her mini form, about her dream realm! This also means Cross and Road might've been communicating (and it's not only Road one-sidedly using him like I thought initially eg. manipulating him to lead Allen to the mansion), working together because they share some common goal (eg. protecting Mana and Neah)!

The only subjects triggering that pronoun and hatred from the Noahs (essentially, their memory crying out ‘I won’t forgive/I hate’) so far were:

→ Innocence (eg. Skinn Boric’s awakening as a Noah) → the exorcists (eg. the Earl when the Ark was saved by Allen) → Neah (eg. Wisely as he talks to Road) → the Pillar (eg. as Cross mentions it to Road)

Maybe Allen’s power is something close to what both Wisely and Road have since that sort of power can equal theirs to the point that both can’t stay omnipotent against that, just as they usually are eg. Wisely with supposedly all the Noahs (and also when he forced Alma’s memories with Allen and Kanda) or Road with Lavi.

And we have already seen (but without any real explanation yet) that Allen experiences « visions » (夢, yume, which we usually associate with Road, the Noah of dreams, can also mean vision):

→ Lenalee and Allen's respective apocalyptic dreams

→ Allen sensing Lenalee is drowning while facing the akuma Eshi

→ having a kind of out of body experience and seeing Krory and the ghost after being KO’ed in the Destruction of the Black Order Arc

→ his second dream in which what we now know as the Pillar talks to him ; Mana calls out to him in the original version by « ••• » (which is weird in itself since Neah is supposed to have no Noah memory??? Since Mana and Neah were two « halves » of the Earl, and we don’t know exactly what each half covers, could there have been some sort of mix-up between the two along the way?)

→ a glimpse of Kanda’s past when Marie talked about it

→ witnessing Cross’s ‘death’ through Apocryphos

→ whatever was happening when Allen and the Earl shared the same vision of Road protecting Mana in volume 24 was never explained (I put it here but it simply could be because Mana and Neah were revealed as the two halves of the Earl in the next volume)

→ seeing Johnny reaching out to him in the inn when we know it was Neah who sleep-talked after having a dream about the Campbells and woke up (idk if I should count this in bc it could just be Allen’s semi-consciousness fighting Neah)

But when Allen saw Cross’s ‘death’ through Apocryphos, he called that a consequence of the « parasitic » influence over « Allen ». According to him, it went on for many years. He then proceeded to merge with Allen in order to « erase that influence and suppress the 14th’s memory »: this might suggest that Apocryphos deemed Neah as the parasite of the exorcist Allen.

If he’s really talking about Neah, what Apocryphos says could contradict Road’s assumption that this power comes from Allen, not Neah. So, between Apocryphos and Road, who is right? ????????

Let’s consider for a moment that whatever is going on is due to Allen’s ‘long’ experience with a ‘parasitic’ Innocence and that Apocryphos never meant Neah when he talked about a parasite. But we know from Cross that Red’s arm didn’t show any sign of activating at all. Moreover, Neah wouldn’t have been shocked by the Innocence’s influence over past!Allen’s arm after awakening 35 years later if the latter synchronized with it when they knew each other, it wouldn’t make sense. So where does this long influence fit in? Are we talking about the parasitic-type Innocence or is Apocryphos referring to something entirely different?

It doesn’t help that the type of Innocence Allen has is called a ‘parasite-type’ in the original version and the English localization.

It helps even less that Apocryphos uses the same terminology as Komui when he first introduced the parasite-type: 寄生型. Except for Komui the furigana reads 型 as the loanword ‘type’ (kisei-taipu) and for Apocryphos it reads ‘kata’ (kiseigata) as the kanji should be pronounced.

Note: in French they chose to call this type of Innocence a ‘symbiotic-type’: it emphasizes the close association between the accommodator and the Innocence more and suggests the bond is mutually beneficial, but we know after all these chapters that it’s a totally one-sided control led by the Innocence over the accommodator’s body. It’s anything but mutual in retrospect. Parasite suits the Innocence more!

Interestingly, the word used for Allen’s role as a host is 宿主 (shukushu). I didn’t know the word ‘host’ could refer to the organism affected by a parasite!

Both Neah and the Innocence are parasites hosted by Allen. The imagery is also carried by the Fallen Ones’s design. When Allen witnesses Suman’s suffering, he uses the verb 蝕む, ‘mushibamu’:

What looks like giant worms pierce his body and tinier worms gnaw at his heart:

And also, I never considered it but 寄生, kisei, ‘parasite’ almost sounds like 犠牲, gisei, ‘sacrifice’ with just one letter difference: if intentional, these paronyms ironically bring out Allen’s sacrificial role even more. Ch240’s cover illustrates this dimension even more:

I might be missing something or this doesn’t really add up.

It’s also interesting to note that ch222 is titled « Hypokrisis ». Cross calls out Allen’s selflessness once again:

The noun ὑπόκρισις (hypokrisis) meant 1) answer & 2) role (on the theater scene, the masked actor was called an ὑποκριτής, hypokritès, separate from the chorus) in ancient greek. But its meaning became morally (and religiously) loaded, now suggesting a duplicity in someone’s behavior (their personality, qualities, principles, opinions, …).

This chapter shows Allen in a dream staged by Road that leads him to the Campbell mansion. Facing Cross offering him to stop his search for the truth, he gives his definite answer to once again fulfill his vow to Mana and « keep walking » even at the cost of his own existence and the bond to his home. It’s also a call back to « Mana’s mask » during the Phantom Thief G arc.

Behind the scene, Road now understands she made a mistake she should have realized sooner: she’s being manipulated herself (along with Neah and perhaps the other Noahs) by someone else and Allen is dangerous, a reality that was concealed to her eyes until now.

The phrasing also parallels Cross’s late realization:

Were they making the same mistake on Allen’s true nature? After Red’s flashback, at least we know one mistake Cross made: Red didn’t say he was « Allen » (thinking Cross asked about the dog) ➾ even though he didn’t want the Innocence close to Mana (as it could 1) destroy him, being a Noah and 2) call forth the Earl, I guess), Cross didn’t monitor Red enough to see the influence of Apocryphos ➾ Red synchronized with an Innocence and the Earl was called back.

So far, Road (and the other Noah) benefits from these consequences: she wanted the Earl’s awakening to destroy the present world in order to take revenge of the Pillar. So either Cross and Road talk about two different things or there’s more to it than that to the point that even Road considers this a mistake despite the advantages at first glance.

At least, I guess it’s (kinda?) safe to assume Allen’s body = past!Allen as Neah knew him. Allen wouldn’t have been able to move the Ark otherwise:

Another lead to whoever past!Allen was might be linked to THIS in volume 27:

????? Who was this? And also what kind of situation were they in? It looks like the mystery person held past!Allen right before parting (before he lost his memory maybe?)/dying. They look as though they’re stuck in a tricky situation: their clothes look torn to shreds, and particles in the air look the same whenever there’s action in the manga? OH. Perhaps the transfer of Neah’s memory into past!Allen would be successful if and only if the memory of his past self was erased? Because two memories maybe can’t safely coexist in one body: we know even the Noahs, described as « superhumans », struggle with their memory and it threatens their sanity if they don’t suppress it. So this could be worse should a human unrelated to the Noah experiment the same thing.

But could one erase their memory in the universe of DGM? It doesn’t seem that far-fetched since:

Neah’s memory was successfully transferred in Allen,

magic is a thing in this universe,

Skulls can ‘reprogram’ a human’s brain to transform them and Apocryphos can easily rewrite memories,

in ch209, when Johnny was searching for Allen, Crows (who use sorcery) coerced him into drinking a drug that would supposedly erase his memories of the Order??? (now I know it could be a lie and it was poison instead since the Central and the Crows’ methods are rather radical):

Heck, past!Allen could even be from another timeline/from the previous/future world destroyed by the Pillar! Which could explain Allen’s recent dream of the Pillar? It could even be linked to « ••• » in this dream eg. his ‘real’ name or role (since the syllables don’t even match Neah’s even though it triggered Neah’s awakening once he woke up)??

▶ Road and Apocryphos

It’s more apparent in the original version but Apocryphos wavered, looking almost surprised/bothered to face Road as it’s accentuated with the ツ. Compared to his confidence in taking down Tyki, calling himself their Reaper and so on, this looks like Road could be a bigger threat than the other Noahs. (Perhaps it’s only random but Road stabbed Apocryphos in the left eye, just as she did to Allen in the rewinding city!)

It’s also interesting to note he recognized Road as the 9th Noah only once Tyki shouted her name. It could mean:

Road took another appearance we don’t know of 7000 years ago, and it’s confirmed in the manga: she’s stayed like this for 35+ years. We know that since Wisely awakened as a Noah and met them.

Either Apocryphos didn’t meet her since she took on this appearance (so in this 35+ year span)

Or he did meet her but didn’t recognize her as the 9th Noah

If he only recognized her after his punch, how could it have badly hurt Road? I thought you had to know her true ‘identity’ to harm her, which was why Allen couldn’t hit her with his sword.

Allen could harm Tyki but not Road, and only Apocryphos could???? Since he was present 7000 years ago and most likely was responsible in whatever happened then, it’s safe to say he should know about the Noah and the world they lived in enough to be able to harm Road.

▶ Chapter 219: Butterflies, the souls and the Earl

(thisoneisevenlongersorryyyyy)

When the Earl vanished before Katerina and split into Mana and Neah in ch219, two butterflies are seen flying above them.

My best guess would be they’re respectively male and female white cabbage butterflies (pieris rapae, or the great white butterfly, pieris brassicae, a close relative to this species), pretty common butterflies:

I also found that pieridae caterpillars often PARASITE cruciferous plants (they often eat cabbages, broccoli, kale, mustard) ie. plants with flowers that have CROSS-arranged petals (yes, it’s a detail that’s probably irrelevant but it was fun to find that randomly, I live in overthinking and reach-land haha).

In Japan, butterflies often symbolize the souls of the living and the dead. It’s also a symbol of spirituality (the cycle of life, birth, death, metamorphosis, reincarnation, immortality), as the cycle of a butterfly embodies it in its four stages (egg, caterpillar, chrysalis, butterfly).

As the later part of the manga focuses on helix magic and its principles (the body, the soul and the spiral of life), the ‘death’ of the Earl makes way for Neah and Mana, a ‘rebirth’ of some sort. Which makes me believe that what we saw as the Earl against Allen in volumes 24-25 (and perhaps even the rest of his appearances in the manga with the suit) was actually his ‘body’, which takes the shape of his suit (we even see the costume ripping in half with what looks like a zipper). According to past!Allen, a body is merely a vessel that needs a soul for life to exist. The costume of the Earl might be in desperate search of its lost soul (Mana + Neah), which is why it endlessly devours human souls (through perhaps the making of akuma?): Hoshino said there’s a reason why she draws the Earl plump, it’s just a theory for posterity haha! Is this the same mechanism that turns Timcampy this big?

Note (see the end of this point for more on golems and DGM!): I read on Twitter that at the exhibition held in honor of DGM, it was explained that Adam was the name of the ’skin of the Millenium Earl’ and Adam was the first golem (just like in the Bible, Adam was made of the dust of the earth and was animated by God’s breath)! (With their poison, Akuma turn humans to dust………… Timcampy also turned to dust once touched by Cornelia’s bark…………. Innocence also turns to dust, just like Mugen when Kanda left with Alma or just like Allen’s did at the Asian branch…………)

This is pure speculation, but perhaps the Earl decided to forsake his tragic millenium role once he finally witnessed the beauty of this world (be it his meeting with Katerina and/or something else). After all, according to Neah’s words: « Seven thousand years of life… yet the Earl’s heart is stuck in that scenery. » Maybe he realized the Three days of Darkness were meaningless, that they would feed an endless cycle of atonement, hatred and vengeance? It could also be why he gave life to Neah and Mana. Neah holds the power to destroy the Noah while Mana seems to be able to devour the Noah: perhaps the Earl intended Mana to first devour all the Noah in order for Neah to finally destroy them all and put an end to this all?

However, something ruined this project: the Noahs probably disagreed, determined to see their vengeance through (by sacrificing the Earl, summoning the Earl and destroying ‘this world’ they created). It could also be the Heart, or both the Noahs and the Heart working with each other. In one way or another, they managed to persuade/compel Mana to devour Neah (perhaps that’s where Joyd played a significant role in all this?).

On the subject of the souls, since Neah describes Atuuda’s power as the opposite of Mana devouring him (and we now know the Earl feeds on human souls), it certainly works as the partial transfer of the owner’s soul to another to ‘heal’ them (or is it something like ‘rewinding’ their state to before they got injured? Does this have something to do with whatever rejuvenated past!Allen and aged up Mana’s appearance??). Before Link healed Neah in ch221, Allen’s jacket was pierced ; Atuuda mended his injury and the hole in the jacket was also gone.

Zuu only described it as Atuuda exhausting his own ‘life-force’ to transfer it to someone else, he was not specific in his explanation so it’s only guesses here.

Design-wise (and reachland-wise haha), the six spots on the female white butterfly could be a recurring motif related to the soul, like the six dots on Link’s tattoo 8D

(Also noticing just now but dude Link must have a lot of gloves in stock, he came back with a glove when he saved Neah haha)

I can’t decipher what Zuu wrote to summon Atuuda but they’re replacing the dots here. Atuuda also has three spheres on each mustache-thingy!

I found a retelling of a Japanese legend of a white butterfly (in Myths & Legends of Japan, by Frederick Hadland Davis). I found it narrated on Japanese Folktales: The Butterfly Soul – Under the influence! if you want to check it out! A white butterfly visits an old man at his deathbed. It was the soul of his beloved that died when they were young, the old man never left her alone and would keep tending to her grave. The butterfly didn't leave until his soul left with her.

The butterfly in ancient greek was ψυχή (psyche), which holds several meanings: the wind blow or breath and by extension life force or breath, life, soul, butterfly and Psyche (essentially known from the myth of her love with Eros/Cupid and its trials). Interestingly, « psyché » in French also refers to a piece of furniture with a window-frame in which a great mirror was mounted. It was a great Art Deco symbol and was a motif depicted in paintings. It reflected its owner from head to foot, just as the mirror reflected Mana, Neah and the Earl’s souls in volume 25.

It’s also a symbol of (tragic) love sometimes eg. the chinese legend of the butterfly lovers.

Final note on golems: the word ‘golem’ was used once in the Book of Psalms to refer to Adam when he was what was translated as a shapeless mass, an embryo out of clay lacking a soul. The Talmud sometimes calls Adam a ‘golem’ when referring to the first twelve hours of his life: it was still only an inanimate body without God’s breath of life.

Golems also have a mystical origin, created by magic spells. The methods of creation and destruction vary from a tale to another eg. dancing and chanting the hebrew alphabet in different combinations ; using a pure mass of dust, water, sand, earth or flour ; prayers, fasts, purifications ; engraving ‘emet’ (truth, God’s seal) on its forehead and erasing the first letter alef to call its death (met means death).

In ashkenazi hassidic traditions in the 15th century, the golem became a real creature, serving its masters and fulfilling the tasks it was given. This tradition became really popular in the 17th century, and was linked to the ancient belief in the possibility to resurrect the dead by putting in their mouth (or on their arm) a piece of parchment marked with the tetragram. Following this belief, it could turn into an evil being that had to be destroyed to prevent terror and death from spreading.

The golems embody both the figure of a protector/servant but also of a creature of destruction:

→ Golem | Jewish Museum Berlin « A golem is a creature formed out of a lifeless substance such as dust or earth that is brought to life by ritual incantations and sequences of Hebrew letters. The golem, brought into being by a human creator, becomes a helper, a companion, or a rescuer of an imperiled Jewish community. In many golem stories, the creature runs amok and the golem itself becomes a threat to its creator. (…) Originally, creating a golem was a way for medieval Jewish mystics to come closer to God. »

I don’t know why, but these two pages of ch231 comes to my mind when I read the last sentence:

I wanted to know more about golems in general, and I came across this conference of Ada Ackerman, an art history specialist that dedicated a great part of her works on the golem and its representations through time (religion, myths, books, cinema): YouTube

She quoted a yiddish play excerpt and it was really reminiscent of the creation of Akuma. The golem in the play pleads with a voice (which is unusual, since it is mainly represented without a voice and genderless) its creator to not create them. It is already conscious of its potential for destruction, and asks to remain into nothingness:

I tried to translate it very roughly: « I have a voice that is not yet a voice. I have a heart that is not yet a heart. (…) I will say it again and I warn you, please do not create me! See those stars dying! And so will the light of every eye laying on me. My footprint will only leave desolation, and from what my hand touches only ashes and dust will be left. »

Interestingly, גּוֹלֶם in modern hebrew designates both the pupa and the golem, as well as a dummy, a mould or a fool.

▶ Chapter 219: Poppies, puppets and myths

Flowers also grow at the foot of the tree Cornelia. When the Earl disappeared, Katerina was plucking those flowers. It could be poppies, that often bloom in wheat fields. These flowers are also on the chapter’s cover.

In hanakotoba, poppies can symbolize peace of mind, sympathy, presentiment of love, sorrow of parting, comfort or consolation, rest or relief. This is pure speculation, but like I said above, this could fit with Katerina and the Earl meeting and whatever he found in the mansion, making the latter realize his war against the world is meaningless.

Poppies in Japanese are 芥子, keshi. I remember seeing on her ig account that Hoshino wanted to emphasize the meaning of flowers in her story. For example, the lotus held a heartbreaking significance to Kanda and Alma’s arc. She also focuses a LOT on the puppet/staging/dramatic imagery in DGM (Lala, the exorcists controlled by the Innocence and Apocryphos and the Noahs by their memories, Crown Clown, the circus, …)

And funnily enough, poppies can be phonetically associated to a kind of japanese traditional wooden dolls, こけし, kokeshi. Kokeshi doesn’t have a kanji writing people generally agreed on: I read that before an exhibition in the 20th century, dolls were referred to by many names. Artisans and collectors agreed on ‘kokeshi’ in hiragana only.

Therefore, you could have various combinations to write kokeshi:

→ the ‘ko’ in kokeshi could refer to ‘child’, ‘small’ or ‘wood’ (then deriving from 'ki') → the ‘keshi’ in kokeshi could refer to the verb ‘chisel’ (削る, kezuru: kokeshi are wooden pieces chiseled on a lathe). It could also correspond to ‘poppy’. But most interestingly in DGM’s story, it could be linked to another verb, ‘erase’ (消す, kesu eg. an eraser is a 消しゴム, keshigomu): Neah said the Earl disappeared only once off the face of this earth, Mana ‘devoured’ Neah, and Allen is now facing the risk of disappearing himself.

Kokeshi can be made with cherry wood, japanese maple, but also dogwood. Dogwood’s variety is also known as cornus in latin, that Cornelia’s name could also originate from aside from cornix (raven).

One of the kokeshi features is sometimes the lack of limbs, just like the Innocence and the Fallen Ones.

Note: Poppies and crops (just like the Campbell mansion landscape) are also symbols of Demeter, the greek goddess of the harvest, the fertility of the earth. These flowers are also associated to Nyx, the goddess of the Night, Hypnos, the god of dreams and sleep, and Thanatos, a minor god of death, who are her sons. The abduction of Demeter’s daughter, Persephone, by Hades also involves poppies. In some tales, as the poppy was cultivated for the sleep-inducing and anesthetic properties from its sap, it is said that Hypnos gifted Demeter the flower to find sleep as she grew desperate at her daughter’s disappearance and left the earth barren. Other tales explain that poppies would grow to announce Persephone’s return to Earth, symbolizing the nature and Demeter’s rejoice.

▶ Mana or the Earl’s destruction?

I’ve been wondering about this since Allen’s escape from Apocryphos & Cross’s involvement with the plot: what real difference does it make whether Mana/the Earl is destroyed by Neah or the Heart?

Ch237 introduces these two paths clearly as opposites in Cross’s pov: « Right now, Mana has forgotten that he is the Millenium Earl. For the Innocence… The Heart, this is an opportunity like no other to destroy the Millenium Earl. Neah must be the one to destroy Mana. I have wandered this world for decades for that very reason. Searching for Neah’s host. Anything else that draws near Mana, I eliminate. And by that, I mean anything. Anything at all. »

Dude was hellbent on this mission to the point of 1) killing a kid should he come too close to Mana & 2) making a deal with Luberrier to ‘protect’ Neah (and eventually use him as a weapon)??? And THIS makes me wonder (when I read the trivia on his wikia character page):

What was his relationship with Neah? He was dragged in this mission by him. Which is interesting since Cross was introduced in the story as Neah’s supporter by outsiders ; we now get to see a more nuanced relationship. I wonder what differs from his relationship with Mana.

So, in addition to what it carries emotionally (to have Neah destroy Mana to save him from his misery), the consequences must be different depending on who (Neah or the Heart) kills who (Mana or the Earl) somehow. It must be the same consequences for Allen as overcoming Neah’s memories by himself and letting Apocryphos fuse with Allen to get rid of Neah. In ch236, Apocryphos witnesses Mana and Red embracing each other, saying Red will destroy the Earl so that the Heart will be reborn????? (First of all, it is a loophole in the Heart’s description by the Order: it is an Innocence that presumably holds an absolute power over the others, its destruction by the Noah would be fatal to the Order. Since it will be reborn, how come the rest of the Innocence still exist, eg. Cross’s Judgement and Maria were both seen, idem for the exorcists experimented on for the 2nd gen. project before that alleged rebirth?)

What if (see my theory in the previous points): → the Heart destroys the Earl (after destroying Neah) ➾ perpetuation of the cycle, the Pillar is again summoned since the end of the world is also « God’s » will: the Earl must forever be God’s sacrifice in atonement of his past sins. The manga suggests → Neah destroys Mana ➾ the end of the Noahs, set free from their vengeance and the Pillar

At this point I’m even starting to believe the Heart is a Noah haha (I was thinking about Road but what if it was Joyd 8D? He was perhaps not yet ‘reborn’ when Apocryphos changed Mana and Red’s fate because Neah killed him, and he was the only Noah seen destroying Innocence in the manga when he destroyed Allen’s)

In volume 25, we learn through Neah the Earl disappeared only once, dividing into Mana and Neah (so prior to the Heart’s rebirth). After Apocryphos mingled with Red and Mana’s fate, we see one of its direct consequences is the Earl’s awakening. And in ch202, we learn the Earl (or a piece of Mana’s consciousness) asked the Noah to protect Neah from the Heart even at the cost of their lives?????

The first time we learn of the Heart’s existence is from the Order’s point of view. With the search for the Heart from the Order's perspective, we take it for granted that the Heart is a single human being synchronizing with this special Innocence. Since the story revolves around the possibility it might be told by an unreliable narrator (the existence of Apocryphos and its ability to rewrite entire pans of memories, Innocence — a false ‘God’ the Order is fighting for, Noah’s hidden truth, the other side of the war …), who is to say the Heart comes in a shape no one expects?

In ch111, Lavi states the Heart should only be one. But should it, really? The original version of this panel puts accent on ‘one’:

For example, the Heart could be two halves forming a whole, just like … Mana and Neah form the Earl … Mana and Red were also needed for Apocryphos’s plan to succeed … I don’t believe the Heart is the Earl, at least not alone (why would it first want the awakening of the Earl and then his destruction?), there must be more to it than that.

▶ Joyd

I never paid attention to this bit in ch226:

I get the feeling that whatever made Mana ‘eat’ Neah was also urged by Joyd. Especially because Joyd appeared grinning as soon as Tyki set out on destroying Neah’s bond with the Earl, the obvious bad blood between Neah and Joyd (+ the fact he reincarnated with an uncanny resemblance to Neah, and his peculiar existence apart from other Noahs was hinted at by Road since ch93) and these panels:

Mana sounds helpless here, overwhelmed by whatever made him do this.

[moophinz]

I’ve made a post on this already, but after acquiring heaps and reams of knowledge, I’ve decided to go at it again.

(From Mine’s TV Tropes page.)

I cannot stop anyone from wanting to view Mine as bi, and my intentions don’t lie there. But instead, I wanted to bring up that it hardly seems like the intentions of the devs and especially Yokoyama. Mine is a pretty big deal in being a heavily implied gay character regardless of having been a villain, partly due to how he’s just as masculine as his peers and his love for another man is a core part of his characterization where sympathy comes into play. On top of that, they do not shy away from heavy handed hints in his total lack of interest in women romantically and sexually.

Yokoyama is not only a non stranger to commentary on how much he loves Mine, but he’s also made remarks that imply he finds it funny that women are attracted to him though they can’t have him.

RGGO is particularly revealing about this thanks to how much room it gives to focus on character elements they couldn’t do in the actual games.

—A beach event in Okinawa has Kanda wanting to throw a party and see who between them can invite the most women. Mine is less than uninterested, but still winds up getting a few women interested in him. He can’t seem to outright reject them, but gives them very bland answers.

—This is a big trend in other Mine centric stories. Upon being asked by a woman if he’s by himself, he gives a slightly roundabout answer instead of outright saying anything more direct. He agrees to do something with her despite his ongoing lack of enthusiasm.

—As told, he’s gone on dates with women thanks to being unable to turn them down (he’s interestingly kind enough to women even though there’s some popular jokes about him being a misogynistic gay man). But if he sees a woman once, doesn’t really see them again. All in all, this is incredibly different from many other yakuza men who adore women as they slot into the three important status symbols: power, money, and women. All things that Mine brings up at the end of 3 as stuff that wasn’t really giving him any meaning or purpose in life. His line about having any woman he could want goes largely misunderstood. Especially after he ends that line with saying living life that way was a lie.

Comparing an outright love confession to Mine being thankful to have had Katase around feels almost laughable. On one hand, I’m at least glad the person who wrote this acknowledges the romantic feelings with Daigo, but on the other hand… “heavily implied?” With Katase? No… Not every meaningful statement or even so much as breathing the same air as one another between a man and woman is grounds for love.

Genuinely, it feels like they’ve done nearly everything but outright use any direct wording for his sexuality. He’s the only character they’ve gone this far with. Others get more vagueness or subtlety.

(From Majima’s)

(From Zhao’s)

I’ve talked to @04tenno quite a bit about this. And as usual, they’re the reason I know quite a bit, too.

Majima’s section is bizarre to me for immediately throwing out there that he’s a huge ladies’ man. (This was listed elsewhere in his section). Which is just… hilarious. Sure, plenty of irl female fans adore him, but in universe, he’s nothing of the sort and often interacts with women by using a more friendly tone of voice (probably to seem less intimidating) along with other behavioral changes. I also take up issue regarding the way the person who wrote this seems to completely downplay Majima and Kiryu’s relationship to the first game. But that’s a whole other conversation…

Zhao’s section feels incredibly different compared to the other two due to how the person writing it seems to completely lean into the potential signifiers and stereotypes surrounding him and includes other instances beyond that. There’s nothing about him being in a hostess club automatically meaning he’s attracted to women. As such, even a lot of dudebros seem to openly view Zhao as not being bisexual, but instead, straight up gay. This seems to be due to the fact that Zhao is never shown playing into the typical mainstream macho type stuff as opposed to Mine.

I didn’t take a screenshot, but Daigo even gets the assumed-to-be-into-women-because-he-was-next-to-one-treatment. While he went to hostess clubs, he looks so extremely despondent and out of the moment when we see him there. I can’t find it in me to assume he’s attracted to women just because he went to those types of clubs. His sexuality is totally up for debate as several others are as well. And we can all see him however we want. But, overall, immediately assuming things for such and such reasons starts to feel a little off to me. All in all, Mine gets this treatment the worse thanks to his sexuality actually being a big factor in his character.

[jeidafei]

Komui's Lounge: Vol. 28 (Part 4/4)

>> Part 1

>> Part 2

>> Part 3

Q16: I would like to know if Hoshino-sensei ever felt super hyped while drawing a scene?

Hoshino: Lavi’s “Infinite Flame!! (火加減無し!!)” scene (vol.13)

(T/N: Lavi vs Road battle, below)

Lavi: Whoa! Hoshino just popped outta nowhere!

Allen: Goes to show we’re already screwed in regards to the word count, I guess.

Hoshino: If you know, then watch it!

Reever: She was also pretty hyped during Krory’s “I don’t need no coffin” scene, as well (Vol.11). (T/N: Krory vs Jasdevi battle. Thanks @looniecartooni for the raw!)

Q17: So Jasdevi has been called “monster” before?

Lenalee: Krory did mention them when we had a tea party some time ago. “Those Noah twins and I, we’re similar, so I have this feeling we’d meet again someday,” he said. I guess he must have been thinking what you’re thinking at some point.

Lavi: They’re weirdly simple-minded for their age. I guess it’s possible they’re nursing a wound in their heart.

Q18: Are there ever instances where a new accommodator eventually appeared for the Innocence shards of exorcists who died in the line of duty?

Reever: Yeah. Loads of them, in fact. Next!

Lavi: That was quick!

Allen: Mr. Reever, are they that strict about the word count limit this time?

Reever: The designer’s already at their limit from the looks of it, Allen. Whether we get to do this Lounge again next volume could depend on this!

Q19: Does Fo consume human food?

Allen: Fo doesn’t eat anything. That’s what I’ve heard back at the Asian Branch.

Lavi: Aaah, the Asian Branch’s Guardian Deity system is so interesting, really. Even Bookmen of old regarded the Chang Clan as a subject requiring special attention. Any clues on why they had their guardian deity take the form of a young lady?

Allen and Lenalee: Eh? No.

Kanda: …Didn’t Branch Head Bak’s great-grandfather who created the Guardian Deity system have it take the form of his late daughter?

Lavi: Wait, so Yu knew!

Reever: Who have you heard that from, Kanda?

Kanda: Alma said so.

Q20: A question for Allen-kun! If Kanda and General Cross were drowning in a river and you could save only one, whom would you save?

Reever: Al~righty!! Let’s wrap it up with this question.

Lavi: Welp, can’t be helped!! Welp, can’t be helped!! (T/N: Try reading it with a rhythm XD)

Allen: There must have been a better one in there! Come on!

Lenalee: Looks like Ms. Hoshino’s so nervous about the word count, she’s on the verge of a panic attack…(sweating). Let’s make do with this one for her, okay?

Kanda: If she’s gonna panic that much, then don’t do this Lounge thing, then.

Allen: No can do, huh…Or rather, these two don’t look like they’d ever find themselves drowning, seriously! Erm...Let’s see…I’ll save Master.

Lavi: And your reason behind that?!

Allen: Because Master could’ve been squirreling away the secret stash I’ve been saving!

Reever: Aaaaand we’re done! Thank you so much for being with us today! Now break it up! Chop chop! (Two big handclaps)

Lenalee: Would be nice if we managed to scrape a pass on the word count this time.

Allen: Which I reckon…we probably didn’t…

Lavi: Gave it our best shot, though……Alas, poor Hoshino……

Closing T/N:

Aaaand that’s it! Thank you so much for all your comments and tags. I had so much fun reading them.

@shashaspeaks The original Japanese dialogue for Allen cussing is the following:

ラビてめぇこの野郎なに口走ってんだよコラァ（ドス声）

(Rabi temee kono yarou nani kuchi hashitten dayo koraa//threatening voice).

It’s written with no punctuation, likely indicating he said it all in one breath XD.

//Don’t even get me started on Lenalee’s records gaaaaah what’s up now, Hoshino-sensei?!!

@candy-crackpot Again, thanks for the raws! Also super happy someone got my sneaky ATLA reference XD.

//Don’t worry, I know Komurin’s weakness is at the nape.

//Nah I think Cross is fascinated by the heartbeat of living beings precisely because he doesn’t have one. /ooooohh I think General Tiedoll would have approved of that burn.

//Highest Sci. Div. turnover rate prolly during Akuma Egg arc /oof!

@sauvechouris Yeah, I’m confused about the “kids OK but lovers NO-K” thing too. Like aren’t kids supposed to be even harder to leave behind, idk? LOL poor Bookman’s children, must have been one hell of a Daddy’s Issue for you all. Anyway, Past!Allen is Bookman’s kid headcanon anyone lmao?

@metiredlr YAAAAAAS MILF LINK

[supercityboys]

My delulu Nishiki head canons are:

He loved Reina then he became obsessed with Yumi due to his desire to be as similar to Kiryu as possible.

I do not believe that he killed Reina personally. It’s super out of rgg’s character to not even show a flashback of the supposed murderer take out their victim. (They even made it clear in yakuza 3 that Mine did not kill Kanda personally, though he is capable.) Tbh it was probably one of his subordinates, but at this point Nishiki is so absorbed in his ego that what his men do is what he’s done. Also, he doesn’t ever kill anyone who made him feel bad. Shimano, Kazama, Kashiwagi.

Nishiki doesn’t approach Kiryu not only because he knows he’ll lose the fight, but because he can’t retain his composure. Nishiki wants to be the mysterious playboy, as said in Y0, however this is quickly disproven when we actually go to Serena and meet Reina cause she tells us how Nishiki pours his heart out to her. The Serena scene in Kiwami is perfectly orchestrated, his words are precise.

His career of choice might’ve pivoted into entertainment. When I see everybody’s hc’s for him they rightfully say he would’ve been a designer, but given what I saw become of the people in Haruka’s circle I’d say Nishiki would’ve fit right in. Actually kind of sad to think about. Maybe if he was Haruka’s talent manager, maybe she wouldn’t be so disconnected from home…

Saejima wouldn’t get along with him at first and vice versa. This is based off of multiple reasons, but mainly because I think of them as a scale and Nishiki and Saejima are just too far apart to immediately click. Do I think Saejima would raise a heated fist first? No. Do I think Nishiki would crack underneath his own pressure? Absolutely.

[faeriexqueen]

University/City AU (DGM)

Going off of this post, I’m now thinking of what some DGM characters would study in general in a university/city AU setting (maybe taking place somewhere like NYC?). These ideas are mostly just for fun and I’m not actively thinking of writing anything with it, but I figured I’d share what’s on my mind. :3

Alma Karma — Starting with him because I’m biased and he is a favorite, but he’s majoring in fashion and textile design! Alma loves playing with different colors and fabrics to create vibrant outfits. He definitely doesn’t ascribe to certain gender norms, either, and likes to have a lot of freedom with his designs. (He also loves making clothes for his friends, and always wants to recruit them for modeling. XD) He’s also pursuing a minor in photography.

Lenalee Lee — She’s majoring in fashion design like Alma, but specifically, she’s focusing on shoes! She’s probably in a lot of classes with Alma, and they tend to partner up for projects and photo collaborations. Lenalee is probably also focused on accessories like handbags, and is working toward an internship with Anita (who is a well-known fashion designer in this AU >.>). Lenalee also likely minors in business, since she’s the type to want to know how to manage things. 

Allen Walker — Originally, Allen likely planned to pursue a degree in criminal justice. His altruistic nature makes him want to do good and make things better for others, but I can see him getting disenchanted with that field. So, he likely switches to political science to given him a broader scope of things to work with. (He lands on wanting to do youth outreach, which I think suits him. :3) He hasn’t decided to pursue a minor, but tends to get busy helping his friends with their own projects. (He loves to taste test whatever Link bakes. XD)

Lavi Bookman — Double major in library sciences and history! Lavi comes from a background of library and museum archivists, so he’s one to follow that path. He’s super fascinated with book collections and history (especially with the broad scope it covers), and is working toward an internship at a large, well-known library in the city everyone lives in. (Since he’s double majoring, he’s not planning to get a minor at the moment — but he probably has some English literature classes he opts into. He’s a fast reader with an eidetic memory.)

Kanda Yuu — He’s majoring in botany and minoring in photography! Kanda isn’t exactly a science-oriented person, but he likes working with plants and gardens in his free time. He doesn’t like to admit it, but he does have an artistic eye for floral arrangements (he’s very particular about organizing things), and likes to take photos of them. Because of this, he works part-time as a florist when he’s not overloaded with classes. (Since he’s minoring in photography, he also shares some classes with Alma.)

Howard Link — His family likely expected him to go into law (and he considered it), but Link ended up doing a culinary arts program! Specifically for baking and pastry making. While it has always been a hobby of his, he’s ended up taking it very seriously and wants to eventually open his own bakery shop one day. With that in mind, he’s double majoring in the culinary program and business (and probably shares some classes with Lenalee).

Johnny Gill —Biochemistry! Johnny has always been interested in the sciences, and decides to pursue biochemistry. He’s likely contemplating pursuing biotechnology (specifically industrial as opposed to medicinal) in the long run, and is really interested in innovation and improving things in day-to-day life for people. A lot of his classes cross over with Kanda’s, actually, so they interact a lot. (For whatever reason, in this AU I imagine he’s Kanda’s roommate. XD)

That’s all I have for now! I might add more if others are interested about this AU, but wanted to get this out of my system while it’s fresh on my mind. ^^

[tempenensis]

Extra pages of jjk tankobon vol 21 (read right to left) part 1 (part 2 here)

Translation under the cut 

[2] Okkotsu’s score breakdown

At the principle, when he takes points from players, he leaves 1 point. Thus, they can still live, but they can’t kill other people*.

(*Player with 0 points will get killed based on game rules)

[3] When I was in elementary school, I read a certain scene from Captain Tsubasa where I thought Tsubasa-kun kicked and broke Kanda-kun’s neck and somehow I was convinced inside my own head that “This guy surely will die” (he still might die). Recently, when I asked my editor to check it, he said “it was not stated (in the manga), but after that, Kanda-kun appears while holding his shoulder”. It was his shoulder. Apparently.

Bernard: “No way… but!! It looks… like his head!”

[4] Akutami has interest in spec*, but I myself often have been cheated by the maxed device. When I had no money, Link (maybe my lucky day) and Lupin (maybe the erased Lupin) saved me. Also, it might be a good thing that I “have been saved” by gamble, but other than this I want everyone to remember that (gamble) can “kill you”.

Charles’ technique is great, but he doesn’t want to pursue that ability (doesn’t want to develop his technique). I want him to feel like he is one of the “awakened” type players. It looks like the software part is working fine, but the hardware part can’t process.

(*Device specification. He is talking about pachinko machine)

[5] Character designs for chapter 185

[6] My editor asked “What is this about” in various places where the story are shortened.

If I give the answers after being asked ‘what is this about’, this the compassion of this world; but I just don’t know anything to say other than “the inside of Panda”, little boy.

By observing each other to collect information from each soul, the three souls of Panda reach stability, however the information from the two souls have lost. How will he turn out after this?

[7] It’s fine if you skip reading for Hakari’s technique. Once he pulls a win, he can directly pull a win again, or otherwise too. That’s all.

Kirara: “Kin-chan used to give me snacks all the time. When I knew it was prize for the extra balls, that was the first time… First time I hit Kin-chan…”

[8] It* probably comes from the Mage (chonmage)

(*the canon hair of Ishigoori)

[9] Below is Akutami’s personal segment, I just want to say meaningless things so you can just ignore them.

In Chapter 189, much like in Dr. Stone, Kurare-san supervised the science.

Actually, I also asked a lawyer to check Higuruma’s case.

I told the lawyer jujutsu regulations which I made from bare image and the lawyer told me to just made them like that. I’m thinking that I can introduce them in the future.

Hakari: “Be excited!!”

[10] Kashimo: “Aren’t there too much water torture in this manga?” Akutami: “You think so?”

[bookmansjournal]

hi hello!! i saw ur askbox was open for requests! 🧡✨ how do you think the ot4 would react to/handle a reader whos currently obsessed with a safe food? as an example my current safefood is onigiri (but it can b anything !!) and i eat that a Ton and can get depressed if my rice doesnt turn out right or smth when i cook a new batch! can be humerous too ofc 🥰✨ i hope you have a nice day !!! 🧡 - @alienaiver 🧡✨

You probably meant OT4 at just the main four but you know, I like the idea of a chaotic OT5 with them and Reader. It would be as disastrous as it was loving.

With how Allen eats, he doesn’t notice nor understand the idea of a safe food since he just inhales everything. Honestly you’d have to explain why a dish meant so much to you for him to get it

He likes to bring you whatever it may be when you’re busy so he can make sure you’re eating. He also likes to use it to cheer you up.

God bless him, he’s tried to make it for you himself but it just turned out horrifically awful. An absolute disaster. He refuses to let you even try it so he doesn’t risk upsetting you or ruining the food for you altogether.

He makes sure never to order whatever it is for himself because he’d just feel awful if there wasn’t any left afterwards for you to eat. He’s sure it must be tasty if it’s making you smile like that, he doesn’t need to try it—unless you insist, in which case, how can he say no?

Yeah Kanda isn’t going to notice anything either. If on some odd chance he does, he chalks it up to you being a picky eater maybe, like he is with soba. Needless to say, with this mentality, you can trust him with your food to not steal any, but you can’t trust him to understand when it makes you upset.

And god does he not get it when you’re upset because of your food. He unintentionally may come across as insensitive when he bluntly asks you what’s the matter when you’re sulking at a meal. Patience is a virtue and you’re gonna need it with him when you explain how your safe food is just important to you.

While outwardly he just shrugs it off, you do notice him offering you lunch boxes as peace offerings when you’re in a bad mood—regardless if he was the cause. He’s not good with communicating, so this act of service is a god send for the relationship in an odd way.

You can offer to show him how to make it if you want an excuse to spend time with him but he’s going to suck at whatever you ask him to do. Chop something? More like obliterates it. Stir it together? Well now it’s mostly on the counter and floor. He’s frustrated but he enjoys your company, so it’s a win-lose situation.

“Does it really taste that good? Give me a bite, I wanna try it~” He thinks he’s being cheeky, not realizing he’s kind of being insensitive by making light of it or by trying to take some of it from you. Apologizes with nuzzles and offering to feed you.

Like it or not, he memorizes everything about you, even the tiniest details. When it comes to you, everything is Important Information, and Important Information does not get buried or forgotten, both because of his photographic memory and also because he knows how beneficial the information can be. Like when he orders an extra side of whatever your safe food is just to make sure you get your fill of it.

Unknowingly can be a bit obnoxious at times with pestering you about how it tastes or how it compares to other places or people who make it. Sometimes he even tries to offer alternative dishes to try. It comes from a good place, he’s just getting used to being open and genuine about his love and he can fumble the ball from time to time.

Regardless of what he says or does, he always has a loving smile on his face while he watches you eat. Seeing you light up over something that seems so small and inconsequential really makes his day, especially if he was the one to gift it to you.

Lenalee definitely noticed and understood to some degree the importance of your safe food to you, and she quietly tucked that information away for safe keeping and didn’t bring it up. No need to make a production out of it, after all.

Her primary love language is acts of service because she likes the feeling she gets when she helps people, so of course she learns to make whatever your safe food is just for you. Though she’d be lying if she said she didn’t prefer making it with you, her other love language being quality time.

Your food is safe with her! No gluttonous heathens can vacuum up your food in their black holes of a stomach (ahem, ALLEN) if you happen to be sharing a table. She also won’t stand for anyone giving you hell about it. If Kanda can eat his Soba and Alma can eat his mayo and Krory can eat his akuma—er, well, you know what she means!—then you can eat whatever you damn well please.

Honestly she probably developed a taste for whatever it is as well. Since it was something special to you that you felt like you could share with her, she holds a special place for it in her heart. Of course she’d never take from your plate, but she likes those meals spent sharing your special dish in a peaceful, loving atmosphere.

[neapologist873]

Tykki's (and Joyd's) role in DGM

This is going to be an extremely long one because I think about Tykki way more than is probably healthy. Spoilers included.

Everything about his character is so, so fascinating, and I truly feel like his role in the story is overlooked. Which probably sounds weird, considering Katsura has left so many interesting bits and pieces to suggest that he plays a bigger role than he’s first presented as having. But it’s so much more than just having the same (albeit more mature) appearance as Nea. 

To start with, there is the matter of Tykki’s birthday. I don’t believe Katsura has ever confirmed whether or not these birthdays relate to the human hosts’ birthdays, or the time in which the Noah awoke within them. Part of why I started to wonder about this is because Wisely has a canon birthday and it is within winter—February 4th. When we see him first awaken, it is also shown to be very cold (you can see the officers' breath), so it is presumably winter. It could be that Katsura wanted to give him a birthday so fans had a day to celebrate him on, but it still feels peculiar. The story seems to suggest that Wisely has always been an orphan living on the streets, so I doubt that he would know his birthday. And perhaps it is, again, Katsura giving him a birthday more for the fans and he doesn’t actually know it himself. I could even be wrong that it wasn’t February when Wisely of the Demonic Eyes awoken because it is snowing during the three month timeskip for the Searching for A.W. arc of the story. But I still like to think that the birthdays are when the Noah awakens within a host, or at least in the case of Tykki it is. 

A big reason why I want to believe this is that Allen’s innocence first awoken on Christmas, the same day as Tykki’s “birthday”. Allen’s consciousness before this event seemed to start melding with Nea’s a bit, as he recognizes Mana’s song and begins to even remember a time in which he was held (with Katsura drawing a dying Nea in past Allen’s arms). I think this means that Nea was potentially awakening during this time, but that Allen’s innocence activating regressed this. Because while getting injured by innocence led to Nea awakening for real, Allen’s innocence actively works to prevent it. And as I’ve noted before, Allen’s wrinkles and the strain that is presented with his red arm seems eerily similar to the way in which Katsura draws Kanda’s signs of becoming a Fallen One. With the way lines have been dropped in the beginning to describe Allen’s innocence as “looking to have been forced upon him”, I suppose we can take his arm’s appearance as a sign it was trying to reject him. Probably not because he is an unsuitable accomodator, but because it was trying to keep Nea in slumber. His arm also changes once it has switched from being a “diamond in the rough”, and I do theorize that he is already a crystal-type user, so. 

Going back to my original point, Tykki seems tied to Nea directly, but especially Joyd. When Nea says that Tykki’s (Joyd’s) reincarnated appearance makes him sick, Joyd actually takes over for a moment and smiles. And this smile is the exact same one he had when Nea awoke from the dream in chapter 184 (we can tell this is Nea and not necessarily Allen based upon several context clues and personal interpretations I have. Those being:

The bored face he makes when he realizes he’s dreaming and says “oh what a bad dream” is similar to the annoyed faces Katsura draws him to have when he takes over the body, especially during his interactions with people he finds annoying/boring (think of his interactions with Link)

Nea has appeared in Allen’s dreams on numerous occasions

As the dream progresses, letters in “Allen” begin to fade, but it’s always in quotation marks. 

Allen takes on a child form, but he still has his scar and white hair. Allen never appeared this way before Mana. While Nea was surprised by Allen’s white hair when he saw it, he still lives in Allen’s subconscious and can see some of his memories. So perhaps he just created a form that the dream Mana would recognize while not knowing that his current body didn’t look like that during the time of that memory

Allen pulls a face when Mana asks “Why do you have that big sword in you?” but as he talks some more, it is then that he takes on a sad face and says “...Mana…?” Nea has never seen adult Mana, nor in his clown form, so he probably recognized his voice more than anything. But Mana appeared as a clown because this is the form Allen associates with him most. 

The dream begins to fade once the line “I’m not “...”. Call me Allen” is written. I interpret this in a number of ways. It’s clear that Allen’s subconscious is also bleeding into this dream, so it’s likely Allen is saying this. We know that ‘Allen’ was technically never his name, and in the light novel he wishes to be called that due to the circumstances. But you could also say that the “...” was Mana saying Nea, and that’s why the dream begins to end with Nea awakening while thinking “call me…”. Perhaps he wants Mana to call him by his name instead, or he is okay with being thought of as Allen, so long as Mana is smiling. It is also possible that the “...” is not Nea, but Red, and this is Allen forsaking his old identity to become Mana’s “Allen”. 

Nea is clearly the one that awakens from this dream based on the expression he has, Lenalee’s fear, and the fact his scar begins to throb. The wound was left by the exorcist sword, and while it hurt Allen because he was in control of the body at the time, it was really seeking to hurt Nea. I think Nea’s scowl could be a bit bittersweet; anger because it’s what Nea expresses best, but also because he was woken up and taken away from Mana, in a sense. And perhaps he feels Envy that his host has memories of a Mana he doesn’t. 

After the cutaway from this dream, Tykki’s scar also begins to sting and he asks “what is this emotion?”. Note that this speech bubble has the dark matter around it, a visual hint Katsura uses whenever Joyd or a Noah is taking over the host or is speaking. It is Joyd who feels his scar begin to hurt the same moment Nea’s begins to hurt. Perhaps he feels what Nea is feeling as well, but when that line is spoken, the edges around the bubble are gone. Tykki is the one who doesn’t understand what he is feeling, either because it is Joyd’s bloodlust or because it is Nea’s feelings from having awoken from the dream. Either way, it is clear that Tykki is distressed by this all, and that all of the broken glass was due to Joyd’s outburst.

In the broken shards from the window, we see Joyd reflected back with the same smile he always flashes Nea. He is aware that Nea—his enemy—is beginning to awaken and he’s happy. I did say that Joyd, as the Noah of Hedonism, is likely linked to what happened back on the day of Nea’s betrayal as he’s written to be like Lord Henry from Dorian Gray (the kanji characters used for ‘pleasure’ (快楽) are half of the word for hedonism (快楽説) and the phrase ‘murder for pleasure’ (快楽殺人)). So it seems clear that Joyd is doing a lot of things to spite Nea because he takes pleasure in his suffering. If Nea in the past was distrustful of the Noah family but Mana saw them as a genuine family, then it really does make sense that Joyd’s grudge could have started even from back then, and that leading Mana towards “devouring” Nea could have been the most joyful feeling for him. 

So from my eyes, suggesting that Joyd had awoken when Nea was suffering (as well as Mana) years ago on Christmas day doesn’t seem far-fetched. When Allen was in the Ark, he sensed Tykki’s incoming attack before anyone else did. This could have just been hinting that he has a strong sense for danger, but what if it was really Nea? Noah can’t escape from each other, as shown in recent chapters when Allen is trying to evade Tykki, Wisely, and the akuma on his tail but they can sense Nea within him no matter what. And Tykki also seems to have an uncanny sense for finding Allen as well, even more than the other Noah, as if they were two opposite poles of a magnet. 

Another thing to note is that one of the Komui QnA omakes says that the Earl has been in-charge of Tykki’s education since he was a boy, he just never liked studying and that’s why it didn’t get very far. The Earl is clearly able to manifest in some way even when Mana is himself, so it could still happen and have the timeline make sense as Tykki would have been 18 when Allen invoked his innocence— but since Road was already awaiting for the true Earl to return to them even before this, perhaps it's possible for Tykki to have been living with the Earl even before then. Because Sheril might have awoken before him and the Noah of Desire and Hedonism have always been linked, according to Katsura, the Earl could have taken Tykki in waiting for his turn. It’s unclear whether or not Tykki and Sheril–the hosts–are brothers or if Joyd and Desire are, however. But, as shown in the flashbacks when Skin Boric was awakening as a Noah, it seems like the Earl can sense when it’s happening way beforehand, so having Tykki by his side wouldn’t be odd. And with the way Wisely and Tykki are shown to have many parallels between them and how they enjoy the same hobbies, I like to think that it’s because they have “being past orphans living on the streets” in common. I mean, Sheril is an aristocrat and it’s unclear whether he married into that money, but regardless, only Tykki seems to have an extreme displeasure for that kind of lifestyle and he has also never set foot into a school according to his own words. All of that seems unusual and I can’t see Sheril allowing that to be, even if he dotes on him so much.  

Regardless, I do believe that Joyd most likely awoke on Christmas and that Tykki’s birthday isn’t his birthday as the host. It’s not really Allen’s birthday either, but rather the time in which he was adopted and Nea (and even Mana) suffered, so making Tykki’s “birthday” the same day seems more like Katsura saying Nea and Tykki are directly linked, with he and Allen being the same due to being hosts.  

Even aside from that, their scars hurting at the same time is one of the first clues of foreshadowing that they’re tied to each other that Katsura includes. And then there was also the time Wisely himself even said that Tykki looked just like “that man”. Wisely is the only one with memories of all of his previous lives, so he would remember Nea and hold the answers as to why Nea seems to hate Joyd in particular.

But as a reader, the /why/ behind Tykki having Nea’s face is… well, I’m unsure. There’s not really a clear answer as to why this would be, but I did once write out this prediction for the old Noah’s forms (this is from chapter 187 or 188 I believe). 

My predictions themselves aren’t important, it’s more about the fact that the current hosts for the Noahs seem to bear a lot of resemblance to their old, true forms. Road’s silhouette is easy to make out, even if the Dreams Noah appears older here; one clearly has Nea’s hair which is why I believe him to be Adam; the one I labeled as Wisdom looks like they have trailing fabric behind them like how Wisely wraps cloth around his head; etc. And the one I think might be Joyd does have similar hair to Adam /Nea from what we can see. I’m just not sure where to go from there, other than that maybe it’s a bit of foreshadowing for things we just do not know about as of yet. 

One idea I’ve had relates to the scene with the mirror, when Adam destroys Mana’s face because he hates how it reminds him of the twins. Artificial bodies are a thing in this universe, and memories and even souls can be somewhat transportated or travel through reincarnation. It was said that Nea (and I’m assuming thereby Mana) aren’t able to undergo reincarnation (presumably because of something to do with their souls if we’re going off of Dorian in Dorian Gray, as Dorian virtually sold his to the devil), and that is why Nea needed a host. So perhaps it is possible to transport Noah memories through other means. Why someone would go through the trouble of making a body that resembles Mana and Nea to host Joyd’s soul is beyond me, but there are some things that hint towards it:

Tykki being virtually raised by the Earl

He has a last name different from Sheril who is a lot older than him and who we know the Earl likes to pawn orphans onto 

Akuma are artificial people/weapons that can wear a person’s body. And the Earl is able to devour souls, so he could potentially have the ability to transport them, no? Alongside that, the Earl called akuma clones of himself. If he is still Mana in a sense, then… And when the Earl made Moa’s sister into an akuma in the first chapter, the Earl sang “happy birthday”. So this can further add to my suspicions that a Noah’s birthday is their awakening date.

There’s also Joyd’s reaction to Nea’s disgust at his form. If Nea is the one who killed him and they hate each other so, it could have been Joyd’s wish to have a host that would spite him so much and that’s why he seems so pleased when Nea calls his form so revolting and hilarious he wouldn’t be able to keep his food down. 

Tykki has a peculiar resistance to the Noah memories. This was noted by Wisely, and he said it made him the most human-like, a line that is also dropped by Allen quite often. And ever since the exorcism, Joyd has appeared a lot. It’s like he has more control even though he’s the one getting hurt, but this is the same way in which Nea started to awaken from being hurt by Kanda’s Mugen and even Allen’s own exorcist sword. 

Butterflies act as a symbol for both Maria and Tykki, and they signify reincarnation and rebirth; Maria is a reanimated corpse, so this makes sense, but Tykki… the butterflies would make sense for Joyd since it is Joyd whose memories reincarnate. But for it to be Tykki's symbol seems to suggest this he himself is like a reincarnation by having a face that already resembles the Earl back when he was whole.

He (Joyd) went berserk after the failed exorcism and he also appeared here (note the “I’ve” instead of “We” when referring to finding a clue to the Heart): 

However, Tykki was brought back by Road and this seemed to be intentional as she’s always trying to protect him. Tykki would never ever hurt Road, and yet he did when the glass shattered in the scene where his scar hurt. Since reflections reveal the true soul—Noahs—I think this suggests that Joyd does not care about Road’s wellbeing and that she is even scared of him, making Joyd standout even amongst the Noah. Though, you could argue Road is scared of him since she seems to care about Nea and Mana to an extent and Joyd seems to have nothing but pure malice for the two. 

Not quite proof, but—Ven and I have once joked that perhaps Tykki was raised on the Ark. We don’t really have much to back this up, we just found it interesting how Tykki is Portuguese, and how that is near the Mediterranean as the Ark’s architecture is specifically Mediterranean-looking, which Allen even noted. Since Nea and Mana designed it, with it being heavily influenced by Nea, this seems to suggest that the two are also of Mediterranean ethnicity, which is already implied from Tykki looking like them. And yet the Campbell manor seems to be located in England, so Nea and Mana themselves wouldn’t necessarily have memories of such architecture.    

This is another kind of silly thing to point out, but I don’t believe we’ve never seen the old, complete Adam’s full face. Katsura always obstructs it from view, most notably his left (our right) eye. It leaves room for the possibility of him having Tykki’s signature mole, a feature neither Mana or Nea have and something that makes Tykki distinct from the two. I also like how Mana’s long hair makes him resemble past Adam the most and how Tykki’s hair suddenly became long after the failed exorcism. And note that he didn’t cut it because Road forced him not to as she liked it (probably because of Mana and the old Earl). He looks less like Nea with it, too, and I did point out how butterflies–signs of rebirth– are associated with Tykki. It’s interesting to think about.  

In conclusion, I believe that Tykki is due for another breakdown the closer he gets to answers, which he’s actively searching for with the way he wants to uncover why the name Mana keeps appearing. Wisely seems reluctant to tell him, and believes that this will consume him, so perhaps Joyd is just waiting for the moment when he can have his revenge and for Tykki to stop clinging to his humanity and therefore unconsciously resisting him. It makes me think back to Tykki’s line after killing Daisya. “I have to be careful... or I won't be able to go back. I don't want to lose it... because... having a light side... and a dark side... is what makes life interesting.” 

Of course, this was most likely about being careful in society so he’s not suspected and can continue living like a human. But really you can apply this to his current situation. Tykki is by no means a good person, but he can be seen as the lighter side to Tykki Mikk—the host and Joyd himself. And I think this is what Katsura’s kind of getting at by calling him the most human-like of the Noah. He does things at his own whims and doesn’t care about being good. Even his disinterest in the beginning about the history of the Noahs expresses this; to him, he’s good with anything so long as he’s having fun. It’s only when he realizes that everyone around him seems to be walking on eggshells and keeping secrets from him that he starts to want to understand.

This makes Tykki’s entire existence a mystery and almost a red herring even? So while I titled this as a theory relating to his role in the story, I can’t say I understand just yet what Katsura intends to do with him as a character. It kind of feels like maybe Joyd wants to take Nea’s place as the Earl in some parts, or rather that he’s like an imperfect copy. It makes some of the flags being raised really unsettling…  

A little fun fact to end this off on; Tykki's nickname for Allen is "boy/shounen", and one of Nea's supposed name origins (Nearos/Νεαρός) can also be a term of affection/good-humored teasing that translates to "little man/boy". It can also relate to one having a young, boyish appearance, which works for Nea since his true form will always be that of his 17 year old self and I believe “lost boy” (same title for Peter Pan) is one of his nicknames? And since Allen is the destroyer of time, it kind of all fits into place. 

[yeter-writes]

I say: Can't wait for Kanda and Allen to talk/interact after the flashback.

__

To me Kanda is a logical (possibly autistic) person (not JUST a nine year old in a super hot body guys) and his reasoning about Allen (from the beginning) is like:

There is something wrong with him. People (specifically Kanda who barely thinks of himself as a human but Allen doesn’t know that) are cruel to him and he's still nice. He's just going to die. And he's only a kid, he shouldn't be here. So he will die in no time. So Kanda was not going to make a (very difficult) effort to be nice to him if he was just going to die soon (it would only hurt bc Kanda gets attached easily or at least strongly)

real reason for being an asshole: i already tried to kill him so i don't see how he would ever like me, then he even saw me get smacked in the head by a clipboard and didn't even bat an eye (didn’t make fun of him); he's either stupid or too terrified and also there was no real retaliation so he's unfit to be here (ergo he's gonna die); later when Allen gives him a hand he might have also thought that he was condescending but that would be quickly corrected)-->for all those reasons im gonna be cold and logical about this (and then allen constantly pisses him off for real by constantly making no sense because why does someone as fragile as him act almost like he wants to die but instead has enough grit to push through everything; kanda also feels very stupid about being wrong about him and admitting to something like that would be incredibly out of character so kanda does nothing but might very possibly think about him more than he would want, at lest in the context of trying to figure him out).

one thing leads to another, kanda feels both guilty and grateful yada yada (there is the thank you) and then he decides to change things and put in real effort (Tiedoll confirmed this, at least I interpreted it that way) + Allen is in trouble anyway and he wouldn't just ditch him after Allen got in trouble precisely for helping him (amongst other things).

The resolve to be nice(r) goes to shit because Allen is running away like they're trying to kill him and Kanda can't even REALLY blame him (he's self-aware of how he snaps but many things make him uncomfortable/angry/whatever so much that he can't help it - though i don't discard that sometimes he might fake it) but it still pisses him off. he puts in legit efforts but Allen is fucking hard to find and Kanda gets drunk and all that fun stuff (he still checks clues even while drunk, or at least tries to).

He and Johnny finally get Allen as Kanda is already SO FUCKING ANNOYED and Allen is wearing some stupid fucking make up like this is all a joke (so he grabs some rag and rubs his face because it both has to go and also making Allen regret his actions even in this way - by making his face sting - is very satisfying and yes very immature but Kanda gives zero shit about that because it's his trademark by now and Allen would more than know about that).

And then Kanda tries (tells him about timcanpy while genuinely being respectful and also goes after him when Allen tries to dash). Then he promptly makes him shut up and makes himself vulnerable by revealing how much he’s been thinking about him to be able to just concisely tell him why he thinks Allen is being stupid).

(The thing that Allen saw his memories is just a fact that probably makes Kanda uncomfortable. He didn't expect Allen to ever address it because Allen is extremely good at keeping a respectful emotional distance if nothing else. That's why Kanda was so surprised when he spoke about it.)

(Guys, even Kanda's reaction to Allen running around the tree? I don't mean that all he had was a guess this silly but even the fact that his reaction to a weird situation is making a guess that makes sense enough to satisfy him is like aaaa)

(His reaction to Alma's death? The first knee-jerk reaction was to get pissed off that something he was told was wrong and led him to make wrong assumptions.)

(Hair gets in the way - oh, a weird plushie-road-thing i don't even remember with a thing, great im gonna steal it)

(Also that finder scene was for an ouch factor to make people do something about an important problem)

Anyway now Allen is talking about himself (and Kanda is probably kind of dying to know at this point; it doesn't necessarily have to be because of feelings, he just wants Allen to make sense because it will make it easier to be nice to him which he wants to be) and Kanda might become a completely different person to be honest. Or at least the change in him should surprise Allen a fuckton imo.

[crumbingmask]

Honey & Glass (Yullen, Rated T)

Chapter 1; I won't stop until I get where you are.

AO3

In light of not being as dead as he had previously expected to be, Kanda now has several problems.

Problem one, no Mugen.

Problem two, he was in a dirt pit in no mans land and again with the whole not dead thing, his next destination was in England.

Problem three, he needed to save Allen Walker or kill the Fourteenth since this awaking him business was unfortunately, mildly His Fault. With the stabbing and all.

Problem Four, he did not know how to do that. Save Allen Walker, that is. But Kanda knows he has to. After what he did for Alma and him, even though...Kanda would be the reason he loses. He still saved them anyways. Set them free.

He doesn’t feel like he deserved it.

Not that the beansprout would care about something like that. Allen had once said to him that he was moved by what was in front of him, instead of big picture stuff.

Because he’s a fucking tender hearted, idiot martyr who can’t mind his own fucking business and even though he really would have rather died then admit it. He is going to have to thank him for doing it anyways.

so, Kanda needs to have some words with him. If he was even still himself, that is. But that brat was stubborn as hell so it’s probably fine for now.

—

The staff at the clinic on the outskirts of Mater recognize him quickly. Turns out they didn’t treat scientific anomalies that healed at abnormal rates very often, go figure.

—

The long trip was good actually, gave him time to think, process? Whatever you want to call the kind peace you get when everyone you know thinks you’re dead, and you’re thousands of miles away from the fallout.

Kanda follows a well-worn path alongside the train tracks. He’ll either find the station first, or just catch the next train that passes. Not much different then the way they’d always done it at the Order before.

After using the ark’s gates so much in the past year, traveling between missions had been so much faster. He hadn’t realized how much he missed the subdued pace.

Just the sounds of his boots crunching against the gravel, and rustle of wind through the trees.

The illusionary flowers have even rescinded enough that they almost seem to meld into the already heavy floral meadow. There are a lot of flowers in the countryside, apparently.

He stops to take a bit more time to appreciate the scenery before him. Just feeling the breeze on his skin and fluttering through his hair. Just breathing.

Alma and that person, they would have liked it out here. He knows it. Kanda hopes there’s lots of flowers to enjoy whatever they are now too. Maybe they’ll even tell him all about the flowers they’ve seen, when it’s his turn to rest too. It’s a nice thought.

Kanda moves on. He has a lot of ground to cover if no trains come by today.

—

Kanda thought he’d feel more apprehension, maybe even anxiety the closer he got to Headquarters. He certainly hasn’t forgiven them. Fuck no, not even in his second death will he ever forgive them.

But he’s not as revolted by the idea of returning as he’d thought.

Maybe it’s because it's different this time. That it’s his choice, as Kanda Yu, to become an exorcist this time. Not because it was what was expected of his duty to God or whatever the scientists had said to him upon awakening.

He’s taking a page out of Walker’s book and being moved by what’s in front of him. Becoming a destroyer who saves, even. Gross.

Because Kanda can't become another tragedy in a long line of others that have taken a piece of Allen Walker’s endlessly generous heart and destroyed it.

His life's mission to find that person is done. Alma and that person. He’d love them forever, as he promised. But that part of his restless soul had finally been laid to rest.

Now his new mission is to save Allen.

The one who had bore witness to all that he was, and still saw it fit to grant him salvation.

—

Kanda realizes, a bit belatedly, as he holds Mugen’s newly evolved form in his hands. He had been searching for someone the last time he’d summoned his innocence too. What a cruel irony.

—

“So, you’re really going to go after him?” Marie asked, even though it’s not like he really needed Kanda to answer to confirm it. Kanda didn’t exactly have a knack for subtlety. He had made his intentions clear as soon as he found him and Lenalee in Provence, demanding to know the whereabouts of his sword and the beansprout.

“I have to. I owe him that much.” If he didn’t find Allen, dying peacefully wouldn’t be an option. The regret would surely eat him alive.

“Allen would never think of it that way, that’s just how he is. And you know that.” Marie is smiling when he says it, but his face still looks grim. And Kanda can’t help but wish people would stop doing that. Just don’t smile if you’re unhappy, it seemed simple enough to him.

Kanda tightens his grasp on Mugen, his next words coming out harsh and hissing. Like a snake rearing to strike. “Well, who cares what the fuck that idiot thinks anyways.”

Marie raises an eyebrow, as if to say, “you obviously do.” But he’s known Kanda long enough to know that's not a smart idea, so he wisely doesn’t say anything. Even if he probably could’ve gotten away with it.

—

“You won’t be able to call us for back up anymore.” Lenalee says.

He knows she’s sad he’ll be gone again soon. Another piece of her little world slipping away as suddenly as it had returned to her.

She looks up at him, her eyes are shiny but she doesn’t cry. She stands straight and tall, with her chin held high. “So, be more careful this time, or else.” She says with a seething glare.

He can’t promise her anything. They’re both well aware of the risk he’s taking, that he’ll likely be branded a traitor as soon as the Order catches wind of his involvement with Walker.

He nods nonetheless, nobody liked disappointing Lenalee.

“And don’t be too mean to Allen when you see him again, ok?”

“I’ll be as mean as I need to be.” Kanda states in a deliberately flat tone, to avoid sounding petulant. Though it doesn’t fool her one bit.

Lenalee huffs an exaggerated sigh and tries very hard to continue genuinely glaring at him but the illusion is broken by the amused twitch of her mouth as she fights a smile.

Lenalee is a strong woman, always has been. Kanda knows she’s going to be just fine.

He’s just as proud of her as she is of him.

—

Around the twenty-seventh bar without success, Johnny begins to lag behind though he stills seems to practically deflate when they officially make the call to end the search for the night. The only reason Kanda relents to stopping is because those science division dweebs are basically useless when exhausted anyways.

Kanda hangs back while Johnny asks for directions. Preferring to lean against a wall as the scientist makes nice with strangers.

That’s when he happens to glance into the bar across from him. In it’s dim windows he catches sight of a well-worn flag like tapestry hanging above the bottles lined against the wall. The rose cross, the same insignia embroidered onto the breast of his coat. After working under the Black Order for nearly a decade, Kanda had become somewhat familiar in how to spot supporters of the organization. There were dozens of small things that one can do to subtly indicate their loyalty.

Kanda is surprised to see it but immediately intrigued.

So, Kanda grabs the back of Johnny's jacket collar and drags him along into the establishment.

When they hear the chime ringing from above the door, the barkeep glances up. The brown of her eyes reflect the light of a candle sitting on the bar in front of them, making them appear gold. Only for just a moment.

But it still puts Kanda on edge. Hm, that’s probably an overreaction. Another problem for him to deal with at some point.

She smiles, “Sorry, gentlemen, I’m about to close up for the..” She begins to say until she catch sight of the emblems across the front of Kanda’s uniform jacket. “Oh, it’s been a while since I’ve seen any exorcists around here. What can I do for you, sir?”

It’s all a stroke of dumb luck. Well, if it can still even be called luck anymore when the information gained was basically useless. The barkeep did recognize the photo of the beansprout Johnny showed them. Through it had been years since that bastard Cross Marian had dragged him though here.

Their disappointment. Well, Johnny’s disappointment, obviously. Must have been physically visible. Since she became very apologetic that she had no recent information on Walker.

Instead, as if in consolation, she offers them a drink, and to hear a funny story about that strange little boy she had met all those years ago.

And honestly, Kanda’s not going to turn down a free drink at this point. This search is already a fucking drag. Not like Johnny can or will stop him. He may be older than Kanda, but he knows who’d win that argument. They’d been about to find an inn anyways.

So, the two decide to stick around to hear the story.

It starts like this.

The masked priest had left the kid there, giving a vague excuse of taking care of business in the area and disappearing out the door before she could’ve argued back. This wasn’t a place for a baby. She had just started working there, and didn’t want to get in trouble but what she were supposed to do? Throw the kid outside with no supervision? No way!

“He was like ten, when he was here last.” Kanda said, raising an eyebrow at her.

Timothy was about that age too, right? And he’s an exorcist now. Kanda himself has been an exorcist nearly a decade and this body is only nineteen now. He doesn’t understand why they’re making such a big deal of the beansprout being unsupervised.

“Yes, a baby.” She insisted while nodding. Then continuing her story seeming unperturbed by his interruption.

So, she watched him. The strange kid was quiet, incredibly proper and raised no fuss. He simply sat and observed his surroundings, patting the equally strange golden toy sitting on his lap.

Once she had gotten caught up in a late afternoon rush of customers, it had been easy to forget he was even there at all. That was until some unsavory sort of men began causing a bit of scene, over the decided winnings of the poker match they’d be playing. Things had begun getting tense and everyone had been certain an ugly fight was about to unfold. The keep had been trying to keep the situation from further escalation, which seemed to catch the child’s attention far more than anything had in a few hours.

So, he had climbed down from his seat on the bar stool and wandered over to where she had been trying to calm the ruckus.

Then, ever polite, challenges the men to a game of poker.

If he won, they had to leave with no fuss and leave all the money they’d started the commotion for. If they won, his master would pay them double what they’d been playing for when he returned.

Kanda and Johnny are very certain Allen had been bluffing on his part of the deal. Cross Marian, pay double? Unlikely.

Also Kanda is possibly reconsidering his stance. Ok, so maybe he did need more supervision. What the fuck, kid? Was he trying to get maimed?

The barkeep couldn’t recall exactly how it had all gone down, because honestly, she had been a bit too overwhelmed with the situation. There must have been some further needling to get the men to raise to the bait of playing against a ten year old.

And it did not end well for those men. Allen decimated them. Absolutely slaughtered them in front of their peers, while smiling sweetly the whole time.

It was already embarrassing enough for these men, that someone that was barely four feet off the fucking ground had just wiped the floor with them. So, what were they gonna do, accuse a baby of cheating? With all these witnesses? Not a chance.

With the little pride they had left, mutually threw the cash on the table and stalked out in a quiet but obvious rage.

Then the kid neatly gathered the cash, counted it and tucked it into his pocket. He returned to his previous stool and continued to patiently wait for his master’s return.

And when said master had returned. The kid simply pulled the thick wad of cash out of his little coat pocket and handed it to the masked man.

“I played some poker while I waited for you.”

“Shit, kid. You sure did.” Visible eye widening as he counted through the bills.

The boy had simply shrugged, nose scrunched up in mild disgust. “They were being rude.”

Kanda is trying not to show his amusement. He’s well acquainted with the expression the barkeeper described on the beansprout’s face.

Surprising all of them, the General had slipped the barkeep a few bills for her trouble. Probably because it wasn’t his money. And thus, him and the kid left.

The last thing she remembers is the two had been discussing dinner as they had left. The kid had argued, since he had earned the money, he should rightfully get to choose what they ate with it. Then, that had been the end of it.

The story reminds Kanda of a similar one. Back when Krory had first joined as an exorcist. Lavi had insisted on telling him about how after some shady men pulled a fast one on the clueless pseudo-vampire in a game of cards. And so, Allen methodically and ruthlessly destroyed each of them at poker in return. Leaving them with nothing but their underwear. “And sure, he did give the clothes back, he’s such a good kid, but it’s about the message he sent, Yu-chan!”

It’s a funnier story than Kanda had previously given Lavi credit for.

As they leave and head towards the inn, Johnny seems to have bounced back into a somewhat energetic mood after their conversation with the barkeep. Which is good, he really didn’t want to deal with the scientist crying again.

Kanda, on the other hand. Well.

He’s familiar with an ache like this in his chest. As if the heart itself was bruised. But, the cause of it was new, and getting uncomfortably more frequent.

This could, potentially, be another problem. The best course of action Kanda decides, is to ignore that possibility as hard as possible.

—

Kanda was used to having nightmares, of being haunted by memories of his past. He is used to reaching out for a person just beyond his grasp.

But these nightmares are new and he’s definitely not used to them.

He’s back at that orphanage in Paris, always right when Allen’s sword had pinned it’s owner and the Level Four to the wall. Kanda disposes of Akuma, and when he looks up and connects eyes with Allen. The Fourteenth will be staring back instead.

Then he wakes up sweaty and nauseated.

Regret is familiar. It’s a weight on Kanda’s chest that has followed him from one life into the next.

Guilt was different.

What did a scientific abomination like a Second Exorcist need guilt for? He had never wanted to hurt Alma but it had been necessary. He had always regretted, but never felt like it had been his fault. It was the Order that had doomed them both from the start.

It’s not like Kanda had wanted to hurt Allen, either. Or anyone of the few people in the Order he could maybe on a good day admit to tolerating. Like Marie and Lenalee.

He’d also known that at the time, he truly hadn’t cared enough to think about them in conjunction to his desire for the Order's downfall. And after all, Lenalee may love the people working alongside her but she still hated the Order. Marie almost became a Second Exorcist. There had always been a way to find justification for the destructive revenge he sought.

He had felt no guilt.

Because more than anything else, he had wanted the Black Order to burn. Kanda had wanted to watch that hell forsaken place get leveled to the goddamn ground, then left to rot with the fucking worms just like corpses the organization had built itself upon.

But Allen Walker, now that was a different case. Wasn’t he always.

Guilt festers hot and sluggish under his skin, when he thinks of Allen. The unnatural corpse like gray of his skin, and cold eyes of gold. A cruel mockery of the soulful silver irises of the body’s true owner.

Which he was. The true owner, obviously.

And he will continue to be. If Kanda had any say about it. Regardless of whatever the Earl, or General Cross said. He’s Allen Walker, an exorcist no matter what.

Kanda presses his palms over his face and groans. This is stupid, he needs to be sleeping right now. The packet of debts that Johnny compiled was hundreds of pages. They’ll be searching all over London by the looks of it, and he needs to be able to focus if they run into more Akuma.

But when Kanda closes his eyes, all he can see is a Noah's eyes and skin, since he ignored the warning signs in Paris.

He didn't fall asleep again that night.

—

Through the spray of Akuma blood, Kanda sees a brilliant white cloak. Clown Crown.

It’s him.

If he’s able to wield innocence, it must be Allen in control. It has to be.

Kanda’s heart throbs so hard it hurts, it feels like it may just try to escape from his chest. The pounding of his heart seems to sync with his head. It only serves to make the hangover worse. He really feels like he’s going to be sick.

He looks like a dumbass dressed up like that. And there was no way Kanda was going to let it go. Once they get a hold of Walker again, it’s all over for that clown.

—

The fact that it becomes an absolute shit show the minute they find Walker, isn’t surprising. Though, Kanda is annoyed and exhausted already.

He’d definitely been too hungover for this.

—

“Why are you wearing an Order uniform? Why did you throw that freedom away?!” Walker had shouted at him, and now his words were left to ring in Kanda’s ears.

He had been free. But it hadn’t felt right. Not when he knew Allen would be imprisoned for it.

How did Kanda even convey to him that he was on his side?

How did the moron not know that already? Did he really think Kanda came back for the sake of the Order, the war? Like he’d be such a loyal lapdog to the organization that wished to extinguish them both. Not a chance in hell.

Fuck the Black Order, and the Fourteenth. And honestly, fuck their little holy war too. He really didn’t care at this point. Not like he’d even live long enough to see the end of it.

Until one of them runs out of their limited time, Kanda would be on Allen’s side.

Finding a way to tell the beansprout that, was just another problem he’d add to the unfortunately growing list.

[starbudspresents]

Re.Gray 030 - Whereabouts Unknown

[ Masterlist ] [ Read on AO3 ] [ Raws ]

Summary: Lenalee gives Allen a well-earned earful.

♦ 61

30th Night - Whereabouts Unknown

Narration: The Earl is now targetting Exorcist Marshals. Narration: Exorcists worldwide are assembling into four teams. Narration: The mission this time is to safeguard the marshals.

Dollface: Geheheheheh!! Dollface: It's no use, no use!

♦ 62

Dollface: You can't save your marshals!! sfx: bibi [chittering] sfx: gagah [gurgling] Dollface: Noah and Akuma have joined forces to go after them. Dollface: Even as you're busy destroying us—

sfx: don [Kanda finishes it off] Kanda: Shut up already.

Daisya: Let's move, Kanda.

sfx: chin [Kanda sheathes Mugen]

♦ 63

Daisya: What a pain in the ass. Daisya: They just keep coming, one after the other. We're not getting anywhere here.

sfx: zah [Kanda sweeps between Daisya and Marie, eyes fixed ahead]

Kanda: Because they're trying to slow us up.

Marie: Just getting to the marshal is proving difficult.

Kanda: Tch. sfx: ira ira ira [fuming]

Marie: What's the matter, Kanda? You're steaming.

Kanda: Am not!

Daisya: Seriously though, are we ever going to catch up? Daisya: Marshal Tiedoll doesn't even seem to be in this town anymore. Daisya: He's so fast on his feet, dammit. Is he a man or a bullet?

Marie: He's probably around here somewhere, painting.

Daisya, side: ahaha Daisya: We've had an oddball for a master too, haven't we, Kanda.

sfx: boso Kanda: I fucking hate that old man.

Daisya & Marie: Oh... Daisya & Marie: So that's why he's so pissy.

Daisya: Well... at least he's better than Marshal Cross...

♦ 64

30th Night - Whereabouts Unknown

♦ 65

Lavi: Allen. Lavi: Hey, Allen. Wakey-wakey.

sfx: vu—n vu—n vu—n [Allen snoring as Lavi doodles on his face with a paintbrush] On Allen's forehead: MEAT (BUN?)

Lavi: C'mon, the train's here~

Bookman: What are you doing, you brat! sfx: goh [thwack]

Lavi: He's dreaming about Marshal Cross again.

Allen, side: Guaahhh... snore... snore... you're a real brute, Master...

Lenalee: Everyone get on quick! If we miss this one, the next isn't till tomorrow!

sfx: purururu [train rolling]

♦ 66

Allen: Haa~~~ sfx: guttari [wrung out] Allen: Being on my way back to Master is making my dreams worse... Allen: I'm such an easy mark... Arrow: Self-deprecating ► Allen: But it is what it is, I shouldn't complain... Allen, side: Doodles're finally coming off. sfx: basha basha [splish splash]

Komui: I don't issue orders to the marshals; the Grand Marshals do. Komui: They're given a whack of missions at once, then move at their discretion in the field. Komui: That's why I don't know where any of them actually are right now. Komui: That said, three of the four do call home at least once a month, so we have a vague idea of their whereabouts... sfx: bishih [raises a finger forcefully] Komui: The last one is the problem!

sfx: hah [Allen flinches with a tiny gasp]

sfx: do—n [dramatic gong-knell] Komui: Marshal Cross Marian!! finger: CROSS MARIAN side: detail-oriented Komui

♦ 67

Komui: As you know, Marshal Cross has not contacted Headquarters in nearly four years. Komui: The various rumours boil down to a) "He's dead" and b) "He's ignoring his missions and playing around"... Komui, side: Personally, I was in camp B! Komui: BUT THEN! Komui: You showed up, Allen! sfx: bishi! [Komui now points his pinky finger at Allen; it apparently has Allen's name written on it]

Allen: !?

Komui: You were with him for three whole years!! Komui: Every day!! sfx: fufufufufu [huffing laughter through his nose]

Allen: I-It's no good, though? I have no idea where my master is.

Lavi: How do we find someone whose whereabouts are unknown? Lavi, side: Impossible!

Allen, side: I really don't know.

Komui, side: Indeed. Komui: The other teams are made up of the other marshals' disciples, Komui: but in your case, we'll have Tim be your guide.

Lavi & Allen: Tim Canpy!?

sfx: gashi gashi [Tim gnawing on a curtain]

Allen, side: Leave the curtain alone.

Komui: Unlike our other golems, Tim was made by Cross, not our scientists. He should be able to sense his contractor's1 whereabouts. Komui: Combine that with Allen's intimate knowledge of his habits, and we'll have Cross squirming in our talons!2 Komui, side: AHAHAHAHA [in English] forehead: MAD

Lenalee: That's a bit much, brother mine...

Allen, side: Are we arresting him?

♦ 68

sfx: puri [Allen peels the bandage off his cursed eye] sfx: pori pori [he prods around the area tentatively] Allen: Still can't see with it, but it doesn't seem to hurt that much anymore. Allen: !

sfx: gatan gatan [train trundling along at a good clip]

Allen: What are you doing out here, Lenalee...?

sfx: niko [Lenalee smiles, but it's a knife] Lenalee: Nothing. sfx: suta suta [she walks off very briskly]

♦ 69

Allen, side: Um? Allen: She seems a bit... Allen: Was that a bursting blood vessel? Allen, side: She was smiling, though...

Bookman: Now! Bookman: Let's go over what we know.

sfx: ji— [Lenalee peering]

Lavi: Aw, you've already wiped it off? It was so funny though. sfx: pupupu [snickering]

Allen: Knock it off already.

Bookman: Pipe down over there. Bookman: At the moment, we're heading through eastern Germany. Bookman: How is Tim Canpy?

Box: Sensing in progress. sfx: ji— [intense concentration]

Lenalee: East and further east, seems like.

Allen: At too great a distance, seems like it can only pick up the general direction he's in. Allen, side: Komui said so, anyway. Allen: Master must still be very far away.

♦ 70

Lenalee: Just how far has he gone...?

Tim, label: Sensing in progress. Tim: .....

Lenalee: Marshal Cross doesn't bill the Order for his expenses, so there's no paper trail to follow.

Lavi: Huh? How's he pay his way, then? Out of pocket?

Allen: Borrowing, mostly. Allen: He mooches off the lovers and acquaintances he's got all over the place. Allen: Until I joined, I didn't know one could bill the Order. Allen: And when things were really pinched, I'd gamble.

Everyone else, overhead: YOU'D WHAT

Allen: Huh? Allen: What? W-What?

sfx: bachi [Allen's and Lenalee's eyes meet] sfx: pui [she turns her head away] sfx: ga—n [Allen is taken aback]

Allen: She turned away!!

Bookman: By the way, Allen, your eye still won't open?

♦ 71

Bookman: It would be well for us if it healed quickly, so you can keep an eye on our surroundings. Bookman: According to word from our compatriots, the Akuma are working to impede everyone's progress. Bookman: Catching up with the Marshal will mean long train rides. Bookman: To avoid getting civilians caught up in things, we need your eye for snap judgements.

Allen: ..... sfx: chira [glance] Allen: Yes, sir.

Lunch-stand: Cheers. sfx: chari [drops change in Lenalee's palm]

Allen: Lenalee?

♦ 72

Allen: Er... Allen: Suppose we haven't had a chance to talk since then... have we. Allen: Back then, when you...

Allen, flashback: Why did you stop me!?!

Lenalee, flashback: Of course I did, you're one of us...!!

♦ 73

Allen: I'm very sorry.

sfx: dosah [Lenalee settles her large, full bag of lunch purchases on the back of his bowed head]

Allen: Bwah!?

Lenalee: Just stay like that.

Allen: Wha? Allen: Oh. All right. sfx: fugugu [already feeling the strain of the weight]

Lenalee: I haven't forgiven you yet. Lenalee: You're selfish, Allen.

♦ 74

Lenalee: Just because you're the only one who can see the souls of the Akuma... Lenalee: you take it all on yourself. Lenalee: You fight to be the only casualty. Lenalee: What are the rest of us here for, then? Lenalee: Don't just write us off. Lenalee: Why don't you Lenalee: fight with us?

♦ 75

Lenalee: I... hate it. Lenalee: That left eye of yours. Lenalee: I hate it.

Allen: Sorry... Allen: Lenalee, Allen: thank you for saving me.

sfx: bah [Lenalee glares] sfx: biku [Allen startles]

Lenalee: However many times it takes!

♦ 76

sfx: bah [she snatches the bag off Allen's head and strides off]

Allen: ? Allen: Am I... forgiven, then...? Allen, side: Still seems a bit cross...

sfx: dotatata [the door clatters shut behind her with a bit of extra force]

Allen: .....

sfx: purururururu [train's engine heating up]

Allen: Damn— Allen: I've got to board...

sfx: gah [a large hand seizes his wrist as he turns to run for the train; it's the lunch-stand proprietor, who looks unsettlingly like the "Uncle Sam" of American wartime propaganda posters]

♦ 77

Allen: !?

Georg: That thing on your chest. Georg: It's a cross, right?

sfx: gashah [steam releases as the train begins to roll] sfx: goooo [it gets up to speed and soars along]

Lavi: Uh, Lavi: where's Allen?

♦ 78

"Lounge" vol. 2

Q. Why does Kanda call Allen "beansprout"? A. Haven't the faintest. That pony-tailed menace is so rude, honestly. What part of me comes off sproutish? Hmph.

Q. How much money does Cross owe, exactly? A. Ugh... I may be sick...

Q. What colour are Allen's eyes really? A. Ahh, this question has been asked a lot. Well, the short answer is "silver-grey". Making them blue and red in the colour edition was simply a whim on the parts of Hoshino and manager Y-shi. Truth be told, they only settled on silver-grey quite recently.

Q. What's the bath situation at the Order? Does everyone have their own, en-suite? A. Baths? Well. We don't have any in our quarters, no. Shall I give you the tour? [wobbles to his feet] Right this way, then. Let's go~ (to page 96!)

♦♥♦

FOOTNOTES

契約者 keiyakusha "party to a contract, subscriber, policy owner". A very interesting choice of words in this context, as it implies that Tim could have other past or future contractors. [ ♠ ]

袋のネズミ fukuro no nezumi "(an) owl's mouse". Approximately equivalent to the English idiom "rat in a trap", but the image of Komui with talons was too fun to leave out. [ ♠ ]

[haleigh-sloth]

alma & kanda and allen & lavi for the duo bingo?

Allen and Kanda

I know there is no blatantly happy ending for them in store since either one or both of them is doomed by the narrative, but their growth as friends and how they’ve just been there for each other without the other asking, despite not getting along at first and watching them open up to each other has healed parts of my soul I didn’t know needed to be healed.

I genuinely think they have had more of a positive influence on each other than negative, hence thinking they can fix each other lol. Perhaps as the ending gets closer they will both make choices that doom one or both of them, but I expect the choices to be made together with each other in mind nonetheless.

Allen and Lavi

I need to re-read and pay more attention to Lavi this time (because I’m always stuck on Kanda lol) but the way Allen and company has kind of made Lavi open the gates to being his friends was just 😭

I almost want to pretend Lavi doesn’t exist since I know he is doomed by the narrative, will haunt the narrative, and probably be mourned by the narrative. But I will face it for what it is lol.

[readerinsertz]

Could I request Allen Walker x Reader doing cockwarming? I'm 22 years old 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

Rating: explicit, MDNI

Words: 84s

Warnings: cockwarming, afab!reader, face-effing, praise, gagging, finger sucking, pants as gags, riding, size kink, kneeling, smut under the cut

also please fill out my survey on social media's effect on mental health

https://universityofsussex.eu.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_5zHYpdPdhZgJ8y2

✧ I feel like he’s one to use cockwarming as a way to relax and sometimes tease you

✧ There’s just something comforting having your tight walls clenching around his dick

✧ Allen has you cockwarming him on the trains to and from missions

✧ Loves loves loves when the train is bumpy and you bounce on his dick

✧ This man looks innocent but he’s really not- he knows people assume he’s vanilla and then he’s giving you his puppy dog eyes and you can’t say no to him

✧ Definitely one who’ll prep you before he enters, although there’s a good chance he’ll shove his fingers in your mouth to slicken them before stretching you out

✧ If you wear a skirt- lucky you it’s easier to hide what’s actually happening. If you wear trousers Allen for sure has you pull them down to at least your knees if not completely off just for the added humiliation

✧ “Like that pretty? Knowing if anyone walks by and peers through the window they’ll see half naked. Think you’re nothing more than a little slut.”

✧ It’s just talk though- since you’re exorcist, you get your own personal carriage that probably has a train attendee standing guard outside the doors. Then there’s also the Finder that sits outside the door

✧ Even though Allen does his best to muffle you- uses his hand or fingers or even your lacy pants (panties) as a gag- when he makes you ride him or when he flips you over and pounds your willing body into the train seat, some sounds will slip out your lips. You always know ‘cuz the Finder stammers and doesn’t look you in the eyes for the rest of the mission

✧ Sidenote: Allen used to let the accompanying Finder sit in the carriage with him but after he started dating and going on missions with you, he started doing a Kanda and p o l i t e l y asked them to stay outside the carriage/in the next one.

✧ Allen is a gentleman and always lets you sit by the window. Once you’ve sunk down his length, naked thighs resting on his clothed legs, Allen will shuffle over to the window. And by shuffle, he plants his feet on the floor and stands, driving his hips into yours and forcing his dick even deeper

✧ He falls back onto the seat, letting gravity spear you back down on his, his tip battering your cervix.

✧ He doesn’t touch you with his innocence hand often- he thinks something as beautiful as you shouldn’t have something so misshapen and ugly touching. You of course disagree and try to show the arm as much love as possible, asking him to finger you with that arm, sucking the fingers in your mouth when he lets you ride him, pressing kisses to the palm when you’re snuggling with him

✧ Once or twice when he’s really into the sex or maybe frustrated, his innocence will activate so he can use the arm to hold you still and fuck up into you or bounce you on his cock

✧ On the train home from a bad mission, Allen takes his frustrations and stress out on you, forcing you down on your knees and hooking a few fingers past your lips to coax your jaw open. His free hand scrambles to unbuckle his belt and slip his dick into your mouth. Has you kneel in front of him on the carriage floor while he slouches in the train seat. Grins when the rattling train forces your mouth further down, your nose brushing against his coarse white hair and causing you to gag. One large hand covers your scalp, pushing your head ‘till your nose brushes against the skin of his navel and keeps you there, loves to feel your fingers clench into the fabric covering his thighs as you struggle to control your gag reflex. Will eventually start fucking your mouth, hands clasped on either side of your face to keep it still whilst thick strands of drool connect your chin to his balls. The sounds of wet skin slapping and your gags are interrupted by your moans and whines and Allen’s grunts and pants, all the noises bouncing off of the walls into your ears.

✧ On successful missions, Allen lets you sit on his lap to cockwarm him. The white haired male Allen coos praise into your ear, finger circling your clit as he rocks his hips gently into yours. Switches every so often from playing with your clit and twisting your nipples between his two fingers, tugging the flesh and tilting your head up so he can easily hear your moans. Loosely clasps his hand around the base of your neck in a reassuring way, prompts you to lean your head against his shoulder partly so he can press kisses to your lips but also so you can have stability, no fears or thoughts on your mind other than cumming on his cock.

once more please please please could you complete my survey i am in desperate need of more participants