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whatmack · 6 years

Note

neil drunk rambling about maths in his british accent :(

this is so adorable and exactly how i am at parties sans the british accent but NEIL WOULD DEFINITELY (I made this slightly kandreil at the end WHOOP)(Now has a Part 2)

Renee’s tiny speakers couldn’t keep up with the bass line ofthe song Allison’s iPod was playing through them, but as Allison’s speakerswere—according to her long and hand-waving rant—broken, they were all they had.Aaron had better speakers back in his dorm room, but he didn’t look inclined toget them. It was enough of a miracle that he was here, Neil figured.

They’d won the game. The freshmen were finally starting topull together, and Andrew had shut down the goal in the second half. Neil wasn’tsure what had made Andrew decide to care tonight, but he was flying high on beingon the Court with him as the last, electric seconds of the game had counteddown and it was clear it would be a Fox victory. He was feeling so good thatwhen the arrived in the girls’ suite, toting bottles of liquor and a carton ofthe cheap local beer, Neil glanced towards the cups.He trusted these people. They were his family. But Andrew wasn’t here yet—he’dstayed behind to have a twisted ankle checked over by Abby. What if Neil said somethinghe shouldn’t?Kevin caught the direction of Neil’s gaze. He put down the UV Blue he wascarrying on Dan’s desk. “I can keep an eye on you if you want to drink.”

Like I offered before at Abby’s, was the unspoken reminder in the steadiness ofhis empty hands. Neil catalogued Kevin’s stubborn chin, his offering posture.“Okay,” he said.There was the expected ruckus when Neil gathered himself a knockoff-brand Solocup from beside the array of mixers. Neil bore it with impatient grace and refusedthe invitation to join the convoluted drinking game (there were Uno cards and acheckers board?) the upperclassmen had set up, but he did let Dan mix his drinkfor him.“Technically a dark ‘n stormy should have ginger beer, but ginger ale will have to do,” she said, ruffling Neil’shair. “I can’t wait to see what kind of drunk you are, Vice-Cap.”The tiny kernel of warmth that burned in Neil’s stomach whenever Dan orWymack called him that made him hide his face in the cup. Dan laughed and ruffledhis hair again—she was already past tipsy—and got dragged away by Matt to doshots.Drinking socially was odd. Neil tried to keep tabs on his state of intoxication.He did well until Kevin started talking about the game, and then Neil got soabsorbed he only noticed he’d finished his drink when Dan passed him a new one.He frowned into the cup, considering, and took a sip.“’Atta boy,” Dan cheered, thumping him on the back.Kevin tilted his head. “Neil?”Neil took another sip. “This is fun. I’m having fun.”He was surprised to realize it was true.Sometime later (things were starting to merge into a time-slip puddle), Neilfound himself in a corner with Aaron, who had been keeping to the outskirts.Aaron had partaken in several rounds of Matt’s shots.“No, no no, here’s what I don’t understand,” Aaron said, jabbing his pointerfinger, middle finger, and thumb out in right-angles in an approximation ofthree-space. The thumb axis was crooked. Or maybe that was Neil’s eyes. He kepthaving to blink the fuzzy edges off of everybody. “So you’ve got a vector. That’stwo—that’s two dimensions. But then. In three dimensions, see? It only has two dimensionsstill?” He stuck a finger of his other hand into his graph-paper palm.Neil shook his head. It was a bigger motion than he anticipated, but that wasokay: he was drinking. “No, you’re getting confused. It’s two dimensions becauseyou make your own axis.” He nudged Aaron’s hand over—Aaron looked affronteduntil Neil huffed at him, and then he looked abashed—until his middle-fingeraxis lay alongside his vector-finger. “It’s on a plane still. Two-dee. And thedimensions of a vector are different. Length and direction, not axis. Axes?”Aaron frowned. “But when you integrate it.”

“You’re still thinking about direction as the y-axis,” Neilsaid, holding up his own hands now, one pointing horizontal and one towards theceiling. “Look, look. A vector goes points forever. Wait. No. A vector goespoints a direction, for only some length. An axis goes points forever. But whenyou integrate a line, it’s different. You—” he paused and turned around. Allison was behind him, hiding her phone hurriedly behind her back. She wasgrinning.“No, don’t film me,” Neil whined. “I don’t like it.”“Okay, kid,” Allison said. Her smile turned softer. “You sound like a fancy Oxford professor right now, is all. Tell us some more about how you integrate.”“Integrate,” said Neil. He nodded. Nodding was a good gesture. Simple andto the point. He folded over his y-axis arm—his demonstrating hands hadextended their purpose down to the elbows—so his forearms lay crossed over eachother in front of his chest. “It’s just the opposite of derivativative, no,derivatary, no, derivative, you know? I thought everyone knew but it’simportant to know.” He lifted his top arm so there was space between them. “Integrate.”He pressed his arms together again. “Derive.” Lifted the top one again. “Integrate.Derive. You get it?”Aaron was following along with furious concentration. His glare looked so muchlike Andrew’s that Neil giggled.“We get it,” said Dan. When had she come over? Oh, everyone had come over. Neilwaved. Matt waved back, enthusiastic. Neil cleared his throat and went back tohis important explanation.“So if you want three dimensions to integrate, you have to integrate again,” hesaid. He swung his arm out by the elbow and smacked Kevin in the stomach. “Oh.Not that.”Kevin placed a cup neatly between Neil’s fingers. “Water,” he said. “Drink.”Neil wrinkled his nose and craned his head up, and up, and up. “You’re too tall. Get shorter.”The barest hint of an amused breath raised the hair on the back of Neil’s neck.He spun around, sloshing water, and beamed. “Andrew! You’re okay!”Andrew’s eyebrow twitched. “You’re drunk.”“Yes,” said Neil, because he was. “Kevin’s taking care of me. He gave me water—oh.”The cup was empty. Neil hadn’t even got to drink any of it.Andrew’s eyes flickered to the cup. He hooked two fingers in the collar of Neil’sshirt and tugged. Neil was not too intoxicated to read Andrew’s questions.He considered, because Andrew’s questions were important. It took a while. Thinkingwhile Andrew’s hands were on him was always difficult, and the alcohol was jumblinghis thoughts up worse, until everything tangled up and out of order. Like aball of yarn. Someone had said that once to him. Who was it? He wasn’t him,then. He liked being him, now, so it didn’t matter.Tug. Neil jolted into focus on Andrew’s face. “I’m having fun. But I think Iwant to be soberer?”“We’ve got you,” Kevin said, up above Neil’s ear. He helped Andrew guide Neilto the bathroom, and closed the door behind them. The fluorescent lights werevery bright. Neil squinted. His ears felt like they were reverberating againsthis skull; the muffling effect of the closed door was a balm. Andrew scooped Neil up and placed him on the counter while Kevin filled Neil’scup from the faucet. Water droplets sprayed out to hit Neil’s pants. He wiggled his ass to get away from them and would have toppled over if Andrew hadn’tgrabbed his knee to steady him.

“Here,” said Kevin, passing Neil the full cup. Neil drankobediently, and found himself gulping. Water was great. Oh wow. When he was finished he examined Kevin and Andrewover the rim of the cup. They had their arms crossed, watching him, the exactsame way. Neil giggled.“More?” Kevin asked. Neil held out the cup and Kevin refilled it. Andrewplucked it away to hand it to Neil, leaning over Neil’s legs as he did. Thewarmth of him was good. Neil pursed his lips when Andrew pulled back.“Drink,” said Andrew, unimpressed. Neil pouted deeper and drank. Oh wow, water.“You haven’t had anything all night?” Andrew was saying to Kevin.Kevin lifted a shoulder in half a shrug and gestured to Neil. “More importantthings to do.”“Hm,” said Andrew. His fingers tapped against his bicep: tap, tap tap. Neilliked Andrew’s fingers. And his biceps. And his whole everything. “Neil?”“Yes!” said Neil, straightening his spine. He was Neil.“Later, when you’re sober, do you want Kevin to kiss you?”Kevin choked and bent forward, clutching the front of his shirt. Weird. Neil bitthe edge of the cup and thought about it. Andrew’s eyes were clear. It wasn’t ajoke, so Neil could answer in real words.“I don’t know,” Neil said. “I didn’t know I wanted to kiss you until you didit. And then I did. We could try?”“Yes or no, Neil.”“Oh. Sorry. Yes.”Andrew hummed deep in his throat. It was nice, when Neil could do something thatAndrew approved of. He stretched his feet out in front of him and drank more water. Kevin was stillwheezing.“Kevin,” said Andrew. “Yes or no?”“Jesus Christ,” said Kevin. “What the fuck.”“Kevin.” Andrew’s tone was patient, but only barely.“Yeah, I guess,” said Kevin, glancing at Neil. Neil tried to smile at him. Thecup was in the way; water dribbled down his chin. The corner of Kevin’s mouthturned up. “Yes. But I mean. Not entirely my decision, isn’t that how it goes?”Andrew’s eyebrows shot down into a scowl, and then he was kissing Kevin on themouth. His fingers were very pale against Kevin’s dark hair. Kevin’s handsjerked up, hovering on either side of Andrew’s torso but not touching. Watchingthem was fascinating. Neil had never paid this much attention to other peoplekissing. “What,” said Kevin in a ragged voice when Andrew released him.Andrew was breathing heavily.Neil brightened. “Does this mean we can go to night practice now?”“Junkie,” said Andrew automatically. He snorted. Rolled his shoulders back.Neil stared, and got caught for a moment in Kevin’s eyes doing the same thing. “WhenNeil can stand you both can come to the roof. If you want.”He touched the ceramic lip of the sink nextto Neil’s thigh and was gone. Neil leaned away from the blast of noise as thebathroom door opened.“Water,” said Kevin, snapping into action. He reached for Neil’s cup. He reallyhad such nice hands. Even the leftone; especially the left one. That was the hand he had refused to let breakhim. Neil accepted the full cup and drank.“You. We. Roof? When you,” said Kevin, watching Neil swallow. The tip ofhis tongue darted out and got trapped between his teeth. Neil watched that.

“Mm-hm,” said Neil. Parties were loud. The roof would benice. And. He held out his empty cup. “More water?”

#all for the game #the foxhole court #neil josten #kandreil #my fics #this was so fun to write neil's so cute gOSH #Anonymous #and no neil does not realize he's speaking in his british accent #his mum's british he's like 'oh this is regular'

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pynchvinsky · 6 years

Text

in pieces

pairing: kandreil word count: 6146 rating: general audiences read on ao3

Until the day Riko broke his hand, Kevin had thought he was his soulmate. His whole life he had had a small black mark on his hip bone of a knife, a little bigger than his two tattoo. Riko knew it existed, and all it did was feed his ego. He himself did not have a soulmate identifying mark, but was so sure of himself that he was Kevin’s soulmate. That was just the way Riko’s sick and twisted mind worked, the idea that soulmates weren’t always requited wasn’t unfathomable to him. What’s the point in a soulmate if they won’t love you back? Kevin had thought.

But now he knew Riko wasn’t his soulmate. But if not him, then who? Kevin couldn’t imagine spending his life with anyone else, and not just because of the mark. If fate was to will anyone together wouldn’t it be him and Riko? Sometimes he thought that he was the only one who would ever love Riko, so it must be true. He realised it wasn’t when he left the Ravens. He realised this was not what fate had wanted for him, and he guessed he had to accept it.

The thoughts were easy to push away when he was preoccupied re-learning Exy with his right hand, and maybe he could forget Riko. And besides, he was at PSU now. He didn’t need to think about soulmates when he was playing, but the thought itched at him sometimes. Like when he was running drills and he saw the black outline of a pencil on Aaron’s index finger, or when Dan and Matt pressed their forearms together where their respective marks were.

Once he found out, he wished he never had.

He was in the locker rooms when Seth was thrown against the metal with a clang. He turned around to see Andrew holding a knife to Seth’s throat, smile wide and malicious. His hazel eyes had gone dark in a way that shouldn’t have reminded Kevin of Riko. Luckily, he could distract himself with his gaze set on the knife’s gleam.

Andrew was speaking through gritted teeth, and Kevin felt like the ground was turning beneath him and couldn’t concentrate on his words. He fiddled with the hem of his jersey, pulling it down over his mark. He could tell himself it wasn’t Andrew, but all of it seemed too convenient. With everything that had to happen for him to end up here, it could only be fate, though he was starting to like the idea even less.

Kevin had found out that Andrew kept his knives under his armbands from Aaron, but he wondered if his mark was under there too. He wanted to ask Aaron about his, which he had no way of hiding, it being on his finger, but rubbed over it with his thumb whenever he thought. Maybe he could ask Nicky, who would be more open about the idea, being open about… pretty much everything. But he wouldn’t know what to say if they asked about his. He could tell them he didn’t have one, or that it was for Thea. He couldn’t tell them who he thought it was for, he couldn’t tell anyone.

And he didn’t.

- Nathaniel Abram Wesninski was born without a soulmark. His mother had told him it was for the best, that soulmates only complicated things, that love like that would put him in danger. Her soulmark was a treble clef below her collarbone, but the skin was viciously torn by his father’s knife.

At 13, after seeing a girl whose soulmark was a crescent moon, he had taken a ballpoint pen and drew a sun on his arm where hers was. He’s just wanted to understand how it felt to have one, maybe imagine that one day he could. When his mother caught him, she scrubbed his arm clean and red raw. As she did, she berated him for even entertaining the idea. Her words still echoed in him.

“Your father didn’t have a soulmark either,” she had said. “You do not need one. Abram, you,” the scratch of the flannel on his burning skin tingled as a memory on his forearm, “need to stay alive.”

Abram decided he didn’t want a soulmate anyway. The idea terrified him. Nothing in his life was permanent, so of course he could never have a soulmate. He did know that it didn’t rule out love, even if it was not true, his mother had warned him of that too. Untrue love was just as dangerous, like his father had been for her. Dangerous.

But he fell in love.

In the year his whole life changed, the year he became Neil Josten, he fell in love (with Andrew Minyard no less). It wasn’t until after Baltimore that he saw what Andrew’s soulmark was, and his heart dropped when he realised Andrew had one. Andrew had a soulmate and it wasn’t him. The mark was a full black silhouette of a chess piece, and Neil didn’t even know how to play chess.

“Don’t ‘always’ me.”

Those words were like a punch in the gut. Neil was there, stark naked with his scars wrapped in plastic. Completely vulnerable. And Andrew wasn’t even forever, because nothing ever was. But this was something that had felt permanent. Now, he just felt naïve for thinking he’d be allowed to have love. Even now he was safe, he couldn’t have something like what Dan and Matt or Nicky and Erik had. He didn’t get a soulmate.

Andrew was seven when he realised what his soulmark was. Before then, it was just a weird dark mole, of a strange elongated shape on his wrist. He was playing chess with his foster sister, when he picked up the familiar shaped piece. No one had ever spoken to him about soulmates, he was too young, of course. But he knew what they meant. He inspected it, running his finger up it.

“You can’t move that piece yet,” his foster sister said, “there’s pawns in the way.”

He put it down, and moved the pawn. This was the only move he actually knew, having only begun learning the game that day. After that, his foster sister informed him that it left his king open to her bishop, and he lost the game.

He was in juvie when he decided that, maybe once, he was meant to have a soulmate. Maybe he was supposed to be the king to someone’s queen, but that wasn’t how things turned out. Now, he was too damaged for a soulmate to want him. He didn’t even like girls. A queen? He snorted at the idea. Andrew was not a king, and he felt sorry for the poor girl who had his matching mark.

People like him weren’t meant to have soulmates.

He’d found something else entirely though. Neil wasn’t his soulmate, he knew that. He didn’t even know if Neil had a mark;, if he had, Andrew had never seen it. Maybe he once had, but it was buried under all that scar tissue. His eyes trailed from Neil’s lips to the plastic covering his scars. Maybe it was here, he thought, fingers grazing over the burn that covered his shoulder. Or there, he grazed the scar on his abdomen, following the line across his hip bone.

“Don’t ‘always’ me.”

He wasn’t allowed this. This feeling in his chest that wanted to drag him forward, let him collide into Neil. He held himself back, a comfortable foot of space between them. He didn’t deserve this. He couldn’t have someone fall for him, he wasn’t someone who could be loved.

But he wanted it.

Eventually, the pieces fell into place.

Kevin had stumbled into the dorm reeking of vodka and something sterile, but what caught his eye was the bandage on his cheek. Eyes drooping and legs ready to give way, Kevin looked at Neil. Something in his eyes glinted with dare.

Neil made his way over the Kevin, slowly, and reached a hand to the bandage. He carefully pulled the tape away to reveal a chess piece where the number two used to be. His heart stopped. Kevin was Andrew’s soulmate. Did Kevin even know what he’d done? Was it fate that led him to get that tattoo?

But he’d done it. Soulmarks aside, it was an act of defiance against Riko. It was Kevin claiming his life for his own.

“You did it,” he said, trying not to choke on the words.

“Let Riko be King. Most coveted, most protected. He’ll sacrifice every piece he has to protect his throne. Whatever. Me? I’m going to be the deadliest piece on the board.” Kevin said in slurred words, with the confidence of the man inspiring an army and the cadence of a sleepy toddler.

“Queen,” Andrew said, appearing behind Neil. He watched Andrew step across the room to Kevin. He grasped Kevin’s chin to look at the tattoo, his finger even hovering over the shape. “He is going to be furious.”

Kevin and Andrew were standing impossibly close, and Neil couldn’t take his eyes off them. “Fuck him. Fuck all of them. Waste of time to be angry. They should be afraid.”

“Hell hath no fury,” muttered Andrew.

“Andrew,” Neil said. He stepped back from Kevin, hand falling away from his face. He knew what Neil was thinking, the thought made his wrist feel like it was burning.

“Now this is where it gets fun,” Andrew said, pulling his armband up just enough to reveal the black chess piece on his wrist that matched the one on Kevin’s face.

Kevin had to lean himself against the door to stop himself falling on his ass. “Is that-” he breathed out heavily. He’d known Andrew was his soulmate for over a year, but he was sure it would never be requited. Confirmation like that made him feel like he was falling, his whole body weightless and dizzy. “How the-”

Neil could hear his own heart beating loud in his ears, but Andrew’s voice cut through the sound. “This does not have to change anything,” He said.

“Of course not, you and Neil-” Kevin thought out loud, his mind buzzing with jumbled words. He’d thought something like this would have sobered him up, but it just made his head fuzzier and his legs shakier. He pulled himself back on track. “Neil,” he said as he let out a breath.

“It’s okay,” Neil said.

Kevin shook his head, “No, Neil. No it’s not.”

Neil’s shoulders slumped a bit, and stepped back from the other two slightly, teetering from one foot to the other. “It really is. I don’t have one.”

“You don’t have a soulmark?” Kevin’s face fell with the words.

Neil shook his head.

Heart heavy, Kevin locked his fingers around the back of his neck and breathed deeply. Neil looked from him to Andrew, whose face was as inscrutable as ever, but Neil could tell he was thinking. Maybe there was a slight squint in his eyes, or an even more distant look. But he was definitely turning it over in his mind.

“What do we do?” Neil asked.

Andrew raised his head when Neil spoke. “We let this run its course, what else can we do?”

“I’m tired of countdowns, of knowing things have to end.”

“Then we pretend this never happened,” Kevin suggested, walking past them to sit down. His head stopped spinning a little when he did, but he was struggling to keep his eyes open now there was no nausea to keep him from nodding off.

“They always talk about it like you’re supposed to know the moment you meet them,” Neil mused. “Like it’s some magical moment. Then again, we can’t rule out magic and destiny here- Andrew had the mark first.”

“Be quiet,” Andrew snapped.

Neil scoffed, “So we’re not going to talk about it?”

“Kevin, show us yours,” Andrew said, walking nearer to throw himself on the beanbag opposite him. Neil hovered above him, peering at Kevin when he slouched in the beanbag and pulled the corner of his waistband down a few inches. On his hip was a tiny black-lined image of a knife.

Neil snorted, “Well, that makes sense.”

“Neil,” Andrew said, his voice harsh with warning.

“What am I supposed to say, Andrew? How am I supposed to keep quiet when I find out your soulmate is someone else?”

“This is… strange for all of us,” Andrew said. “But it doesn’t change anything between me and you.”

“And what is that?” Neil bit back, refusing to return Andrew’s reserve tone.

Andrew didn’t respond.

Neil didn’t even have a soulmate, and never thought he would. This never bothered him, but seeing Andrew find his made him feel like he was being stabbed in the gut. And that is was Kevin made him hurt, because of course it was him. It made sense, that they were meant to be together. Kevin was there before Neil and would be there after, maybe it was dumb to think Andrew would ever love him.

He felt so close to them both, yet so far away.

Neil went into their room with a slam of the door. Andrew turned to Kevin, who didn’t even stir at the sound. He wasn’t sure when he passed out but his head was flopped against his shoulder and mouth agape with tiny snores. He sighed. That drunken drooling disaster was his soulmate, just his luck.

Andrew cocked his head to the side a bit, studying his face and supposing that he was attractive. That mattered, maybe, but that didn’t make him soulmate material. But what might is that he meant something to Andrew, being under his protection and what anyone else would call a friend. Neil was the closest thing he’d had to a soulmate or boyfriend- God, he hated those words. He hated the whole idea, he hated the stupid marks and he hated how much he liked Neil.

He needed a cigarette.

When Andrew woke up, Kevin was still passed out on the beanbag. He noticed that his shirt was riding up and the knife on his hip bone in clear view. Looking at it was disorientating, so he grabbed a blanket from the couch and threw it over him. Usually, Kevin slept like the dead, but this time, of all times, he stirred.

He squinted up at Andrew, then around the room. Not anxious, just observant. He stretched himself awake, groaning when he tried to get off the floor. When he pulled his arms up, he must have had a realisation.

“Oh fuck,” he said. He touches his hand quickly to the bandage on his face. Then he checked the time, “Oh fuck.”

“We still have another two and a half hours before we have to be at the bus,” Andrew said.

“Where’s Neil?” Kevin asked. His hair was a mess, and the creases of the beanbag had printed into his cheek when he slept. He reeked of alcohol and sweat still.

“He’s in his room, it is still early. You need to get your act together,” Andrew said.

Kevin furrowed his eyebrows, “Excuse me?”

“Have an aspirin and a shower, you need it.”

“I’m not even hungover,” Kevin insisted.

“Then you are still drunk.”

Kevin breathed out into his hand and sniffed, muttering under his breath. “You know just because we’re soulmates doesn’t mean you have to look after me.”

“I know I don’t, but this is important to you. We can talk about that after the game,” Andrew said, and Kevin wanted to rip his smile off his own face. He couldn’t like Andrew, he couldn’t hurt Neil like that. He cared about Neil just as much.

Now he felt hungover, sick to his stomach.

By the time Neil saw him, Kevin was showered and functioning, leaving him to wonder if last night had really happened because Kevin seemed unphased considering the state he was in. The only confirmation that it was real was the queen tattoo on his cheekbone.

Seeing Erik in the stands for Nicky, and the soulmarks on Aaron and Katelyn’s fingers wrapped around each other, or the anonymous black plus symbol on Wymack’s hand, only made Neil feel worse. All this love, surrounding even people as broken as the Foxes, surely he deserved it too?

He tried to mimic Kevin’s unshakeable confidence. There was no time for soulmates, or not-soulmates. They had to win; they’d come this far, and Neil wouldn’t let it be ruined.

The Foxes won. Riko was dead. Neil was safe.

He had a chance at a future now, and the wave of possibility came over him hard enough to knock him down. He never needed soulmates before, and now he had so much more to live for. He looked down the aisle of the bus, spotting his friends faces light up with glee. Everyone was giddy and laughing with disbelief. He was in love with the Foxes, in their fights and in their victories, he’d found a home with them.

He didn’t just deserve love, he already had it.

“Wipe that smile of your face,” Andrew jabbed at him, but didn’t mean it.

“Do it for me,” Neil replied back easily, his smile even brighter.

Andrew pulled at his shirt until he was inches from his face, “Why do you not have one?”

“I don’t know, Andrew. It doesn’t matter.” Neil said, not taking his eyes off Andrew’s lips.

“Yes it does.”

“It only matters if you want me to be your soulmate, and I’m not.”

Andrew sighed and pushed him away, slumping back into his seat. Neil was pushing his buttons again, he’d hardly had any time since the last night to think it over. He didn’t like not knowing where he stood. So he decide to answer Andrew’s question.

“My father didn’t have one either,” He admitted. “And he’s dead now. Maybe it’s because some people just don’t have one.”

“I refuse to believe that some higher power determined that I was to have a soulmate, but not you. You are implying he didn’t have one because he is a bad person, which just cannot be true. Even the most vile people on the planet have soulmarks.”

Andrew remembered the black outline of a bird on Drake’s kneecap, and was sure that whether somebody had a soulmate was not determined by their moral values.

“Why then?” Neil asked.

“Perhaps fate got it wrong.”

Neil raised an eyebrow, “Are you saying it should have been you?”

Andrew breathed out his nose heavily, kicking up his feet to rest on the back of the seat in front of him. “No. That is not my choice.”

“You should talk to Kevin. Though, it’s not his choice either.”

“You know,” said Kevin, “Riko didn’t have a soulmark either.”

“Is that supposed to be comforting?” Neil scoffed. The statement had came out of nowhere. They were both sat in their dorm doing homework and not talking to each other. They’d done a lot of that, not talking to each other.

“I don’t know what it was supposed to be,” Kevin sighed, picking at the loose thread on his sleeve.

“He didn’t have one and he’s dead now. My father didn’t have one and he’s dead too. Things aren’t exactly looking good for me.” Neil snapped, his chest rattling with anxiety.

Kevin pursed his lips, “But you’re safe now.”

“Am I?”

“I don’t know, maybe…” Kevin muttered, cleared his throat and then continued, “Do you think you don’t have one because you were supposed to die?”

Neil choked, “Fucking hell, Kevin, you-”

“No, no, no. Not like that, just-” He insisted, only stopping briefly to think about his next words. “You’ve had so many close calls, so many times you could have died. Maybe you don’t have a soulmark because you…”

“So what? I’ve just defied fate?”

Kevin let out a small smile, one that wasn’t supposed to happen, almost guilty. “I mean, if anyone is going to defy fate…”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You’re impossible, Neil. That’s what I mean.”

Impossible was the best word Kevin could think to use, but not the only one. Neil was so much at once, but acted like he was nothing. Sometimes Kevin wanted to shake him and tell him how amazing he was, and yell at him to start acting like it.

He couldn’t stop thinking about how he could have ruined things for Neil and Andrew. They seemed… Not happy, he didn’t expect that. But they were better together. And he couldn't stop thinking that he fucked that up for them, two of the people he cared most about, all because of the stupid tattoos. Was it this difficult for everyone, or were they all just so broken that their pieces couldn’t fit the way destiny wanted anymore?

“Are things still okay? With you and Andrew,” Kevin asked, turning back to his history homework to make the question seem more casual.

“Don’t worry you’re still next in line,” Neil murmured bitterly.

Kevin swallowed hard, “That’s not what I meant.”

“You keep saying that, that it’s not what you meant. If it’s not, then stop fucking saying it,” Neil bit, voice harsh.

They went quiet and tense for a long moment, neither of them even thinking to breath. Eventually Kevin stood up, picking up his books and saying, “If there is anything I can do to fix this, I will. I will not get in the way.”

“I don’t think there is anything you can do,” Neil said under his breath. Kevin left after that, leaving Neil alone with his work and his thoughts.

The whole thing was giving him a headache. Maybe it would be better if Andrew left him for Kevin, soulmates can’t be wrong, can they? But he’d gone through so much to be happy here, and it was working. He had his family, and his future, was he being selfish to want this too?

Your father didn’t have a soulmark either. You do not need one. Abram, you need to stay alive.

His mother’s words rung in his head, but what did they matter now? He’d avoided death, he was safe. Well, he was finally starting to feel it but what Kevin had said was making him feel like he was living on borrowed time. Maybe it was true, maybe he’d defied death and fate. He felt like he had. Only someone who had either had several skirmishes with death, or another 2 page essay to write, could be this exhausted.

It was a relief when Andrew got home, he could stop thinking about it now, probably. Andrew wasn’t in the chattiest mood so he wouldn’t bring it up, but it gave Neil time to think. Or it didn’t, because the moment he was through the door and sure no one was home, he walked over to where Neil was sitting and said, “Yes or no?”

“Yes,” Neil said, leaning up to kiss Andrew, who immediately wrapped his hand into Neil’s hair and kissed him back. Just like that, time stopped existing. It was just Andrew’s body against him and his mind couldn’t wander far.

When time came back, Andrew’s arms were resting over Neil’s shoulders, and Neil’s were still by his side. Andrew’s forehead hit Neil’s lightly, lips still close enough to feel each other’s breath. He was so close that Neil’s freckles crossed over into each other in a blur, but his bright eyes still stood out under his eyelashes.

Neil didn’t think this is how not-soulmates felt around each other.

Kevin had never been up on the roof with Andrew. He wasn’t scared of heights, but it still made him uneasy. He was only up there because he was sure Andrew was avoiding him. They said they’d talk about it after the game, and maybe he was just too caught up in victory to worry about it, but it had been days and he hadn’t managed to catch Andrew alone. So he actively made his way up to where he knew Andrew would be.

He was sat on the ledge, a cigarette hanging out his mouth. His eyes were distant and his face pale, the hood on his matching coat was pulled up over his head. It was only just starting to rain but Kevin was shivering. He raised an eyebrow slightly when he realised Kevin was there, “We should talk.”

“Yeah,” Kevin’s breath forced its way out with the words. He walked up to the ledge and peered over. “That’s not as bad as I thought. I still don’t know how you spend so much time up here.”

“Because you got the smoke alarm in the dorm fixed,” Andrew offered.

“And the roof is the only practical smoking area, I see,” Kevin nodded, he sat down next to Andrew.

Andrew put out the cigarette prematurely. It could have been out of consideration for Kevin, or he just got bored of it. “You want to talk about this, yes?” He said, holding onto the edge of his armband where his soulmark was, his thumb pressing over it. He could feel his pulse quickening against him, but he wasn’t anxious. He might have been scared- he’d already let Neil in, and it had felt like he was falling off the side of Fox Tower. He couldn’t do that again, it wasn’t safe.

But he wanted to. Oh God, he wanted to. He wanted to let go of common sense, of logic and the barriers he had around himself. When he was just protecting Kevin, he could still watch his own back. But falling for him left him vulnerable.

“Yes,” Kevin replied, nodding and the feeling stupid for nodding. “I want to know what I can do to… fix this.”

“There is no fixing it,” Andrew said, “We cannot change what our marks are, we just have to figure out what we do now we know.”

“And that is…”

“Up for discussion.”

Kevin sighed a laugh, “Okay, debate club, first argument?”

Andrew breathed in deeply, the dusty air that the rain brought up filling his lungs. He wanted to grab Kevin and kiss him to shut him up, but had to rationalize because that was not going to help. “As I see it, we have three options. One: Neil and I continue as we were, and eventually the impermanence of it breaks us.”

“Cross out option one,” Kevin said. He couldn’t bear thinking about Neil worrying constantly about being temporary, when he’d finally learned permanence.

“Two: I suddenly lose all sense, and leave Neil for you, with only the guidance of a misshapen mole on my wrist.”

“That doesn’t sound good either,” Kevin frowned.

Andrew was flicking at the corner of his packet of cigarettes mindlessly like he wanted another, he stopped when he said. “Neil aside, would you want to?”

“What?” Kevin asked.

“Would you want to…” Andrew struggled over the words to describe what Kevin could have with him, what Neil already had with him. It was different, and Andrew didn’t know how to put it into words, “...be with me?”

“I- I don’t know,” Kevin stuttered. He trusted Andrew, he could talk to him, and he was attracted to him, but he didn’t know what else he needed to feel for that to happen. He didn’t understand it. It was hardly that simple. “Would you?”

“I hate you,” Andrew said simply.

“That doesn’t answer my question, Minyard.”

“I think it does.”

“So, you don’t want to? You could just say that.”

“I never said that,” He muttered, favouring side-eyeing Kevin to staring out over the horizon.

Kevin sighed, “You’re impossible, Andrew.”

“This was never going to be easy, was it?” Andrew turned to him. He’d clearly thought more into how this conversation would go, whereas Kevin was too busy wondering if it would ever happen. Even so, Kevin had had more time to think about this, having suspected it was Andrew for over a year.

“What’s option three?” Kevin asked.

Andrew let out a tiny smirk, “Exactly what it sounds like.”

“I’m not following,” Kevin said, eyebrows furrowed.

“You, me, Neil. No complications, we let fate fix what it broke.”

Kevin stopped to think about that, looking out over the campus. It could work, he guessed. He didn’t know how Neil would feel about it, would he want to date Neil? Would Neil want to date him? There were so many things that had to be right for all three of them to work, and Kevin had no idea where to start. He was right when he thought that they were all too broken for to fit together how fate had wanted, this wasn’t quite what he meant by it though.

“Is that what you want?” asked Kevin.

Andrew stood up, “I guess we will find out.” He said before starting to walk away.

That night, Kevin didn’t come back to the dorm until he was picking Neil up for night practise. He hesitated at the door for a while, unsure about how he felt being in the same room as them both. When he mustered up enough courage, he walked through the door.

Neil was rushing around, sweeping up his duffel to throw it over his shoulder before he greeted Kevin. “Hey, sorry. We’re almost ready.”

“Where’s Andrew?” asked Kevin.

Andrew turned the corner out of their room. “Right there,” Neil said, smiling at him. His jeans were distractingly low on his hips and his hair pushed messily out of his face in a way that could only be Neil’s doing. Kevin was kind of frozen looking at him, but he snapped himself out of it.

“Ready?” he checked. Neil nodded and made his way to the door, throwing Andrew’s keys at him on the way.

Andrew was walking towards the car when he said, “Neil and I talked about it.”

Kevin could only manage an anxiously interested ‘oh?’ and waiting for them to continue.

“And,” Neil took over the conversation, opening the door and shuffling into the backseat of Andrew’s car. “The thing is, this is all new to me. Andrew was the first person I’d ever really felt attracted to, which is of course what made this all hit harder. I suppose I’m just not wired like everyone else, in the way of attraction. People don’t just catch my eye and then I develop feelings… I don’t know, Renee explained this better.”

“I’m following, keep going,” Kevin encouraged. Andrew then started the car and headed for the stadium.

Neil smiled quickly before talking again. “Anyway, the way that this felt, and the fact I’d never felt anything like it before, made me think maybe I didn’t need a soulmark… Because I had him. But after finding out, I was hurt. I felt stupid. But you, Kevin.” He leaned back in his seat and took a breath in, “I care about you in the same way- not like I care about Matt or Nicky or any of the other Foxes. Not like family. And I think, what Andrew suggested, I think it could work. So, I’m in if you are.”

“Okay,” Kevin nodded, glancing to Andrew.

Andrew watched Neil and Kevin practise from the stands. The warm lights and harsh orange gave him an odd nostalgic feeling of a timeless place. That’s what these practices were to Andrew, a place where time didn’t exist. It didn’t matter to him like it did to the other two, but he’d always used the time to think. Back when he was on his meds, it was the few sober hours he’d get. He could turn things over in his head uninhibited, and that’s what he did now.

He watched the two run drills with no interest in the sports behind them, he supposed he just liked to watch them move. They had a connection that Andrew couldn’t quite understand, and he wondered if maybe Neil was supposed to wear the chess piece on Andrew’s wrist. He thought it made more sense, those two together.

Neil needed Kevin, he thought. Well, not needed as such, but there was a piece of Kevin that fit him so well. They clicked together and worked in harmony on and off the court, but Andrew was far more interested in the latter.

As days and weeks passed, they learned to click their pieces together without breaking any. It started fragmented; tension when Neil and Kevin practised because suddenly those tiny touches over racquets were electric shocks, and Andrew slowly letting Kevin into his mind more. It was a cautious endeavor of soft touches and honest words. It was slow, but they didn’t get impatient, each new step and each new confession and each new touch was a thrill.

The first time Kevin and Neil slept in the same bed, it felt unreal. They’d never thought something would feel so easy, rolling in refusal to get up and pulling each other closer. They were only just waking up, with mid-morning light slicing through the room through a space in the curtain.

Neil ran his fingertips over Kevin, which he felt as a light tickle but was too lazy to argue. He smiled at the sensation, looking over to Neil, all messy hair and soft eyes. Neil traced the short lines of Kevin’s soulmark, studying it.

“Does it still bother you?”

Neil hummed shortly in thought, “No. I think this is what was supposed to happen.”

“So fate-defying is a nice boost to your ego?” Kevin teased, turning on his side so he could look into Neil’s eyes properly.

“It’s pretty cool: Neil Josten, defier of fate,” he joked back.

Kevin let his smile break into a grin and rested his forehead against Neil’s. He reached an arm forwards to run his hands through the hair at the back of Neil’s head. His eyes fluttered briefly closed at the feeling, and Kevin made a mental note to never forget how he looked when he did that and to get him to at every next opportunity.

“This one,” Kevin pressed his fingertip to a mole on Neil’s neck, “that’s your soulmark for me.”

“What?” Neil laughed softly, “Why?”

“Because I like it, it’s mine now.” He replied, then pressed his lips to it gently.

“What’s it supposed to be?” Neil asked.

“An Exy ball, duh,” he replied.

Neil surprised himself with how loud his laugh was in the quiet of the morning- it was just so nice to see Kevin allow himself to be ridiculous.

Kevin pulled away and inspected his neck, looking for another mole. There was probably one under the mark on his collarbone he’d left last night, but he skipped past that and chose the little freckle on his shoulder, “That one’s for Andrew.”

“It’s significantly smaller,” Neil noted.

“So is Andrew,” he almost whispered.

Neil imitated his whisper, “He probably heard that from the kitchen, you’d better sleep with one eye open tonight.”

“He wouldn’t wait until I slept,” Kevin replied. “Do you reckon we can get him to make breakfast? I don’t want to get up.”

“If you want pop tarts, then maybe.”

Kevin yawned, “I’d rather die.” Neil watched him stretch himself awake, rubbing his hands over his eyes and sighing. It was a long process, Kevin getting out of bed. Neil had half the mind to grab him and drag him out.

When Neil managed to get himself and Kevin out of bed, Andrew was nodding off on the couch. Neil noticed first, turning to Kevin and holding a finger to his lips. Kevin looked confused for moment before he saw Andrew. “Oh okay,” he whispered.

“Drew?” Neil said, a few feet back from where Andrew was slouched. Then repeated it louder.

Andrew awoke with a start, only untensing when he scanned the room to see only Kevin and Neil. “Asshole,” he muttered.

“Sorry,” Neil said, sitting down next to him. “You didn’t sleep out here, did you?”

“No, I slept in your bed since you two took mine,” he responded, shuffling up. Kevin sat next to Neil and turned on the TV to the news, clearly considering that if Andrew had to hear Exy this early in the morning he might actually kill him in his sleep.

The next out of bed was Nicky, who greeted Kevin first with a polite, “Jesus Christ, Day, you’re the worst third wheel I’ve ever seen.”

He wasn’t a third wheel though, maybe if they were one of those ridiculous tandem bikes, he could be. The weren’t cogs in a machine either, only working when they all fit together. They weren’t puzzle pieces to form a perfect picture. They were chess pieces, a strategy working best when together, and they could take your king down piece by piece.

#kandreil #kandrew #kevineil #andreil #andrew minyard #kevin day #neil josten #all for the game #aftg #tfc #the foxhole court

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pynchvinsky · 7 years

Note

Hi! Love your writing! Are u still accepting prompts? I was thinking of kandreil getting together, but instead of kevin joining andreil, it would be neil joining kandrew?

hi!! thank you sm!! yeah im accepting prompts, however im being really slow with them for which im SORRY

i really feel like i should have spread this out into a longer fic but i knew i never would so

“Tell me no.”

Neil’s heart was racing, he could still feel Andrew’s lips on his. He didn’t know kissing could do this to him. He didn’t know Andrew could take all the breath out of him until he felt like his only source of oxygen was from Andrew’s lips, desperate for more. His hands were gripping Andrew’s coat like it was the only thing to stop him falling off the side of the building, knuckles cold and fingertips numb.

“Let go,” Andrew said. “I am not doing this with you right now.”

“Because of Kevin?” Neil asked perceptively. No one knew about Andrew and Kevin, but Neil had spent enough time with the two at night practices to figure it out, no matter how oblivious he usually was to these things. Thinking about Kevin filled Neil with guilt, he wondered if Kevin would be hurt or jealous or angry, he couldn’t imagine anyone having any claim over Andrew.

“Kevin knows he has no say in what I do,” Andrew said calmly before taking a long drag of his cigarette. Neil watched him blow out of the smoke, he should no better than to wait for Andrew to elaborate on his statements. He should have let it go, forgotten the kiss and gone back to his dorm. He didn’t.

“Why then?” He asked, then took a cigarette from the box.

Andrew didn’t even glance at him, he was still staring out over the campus. “Because you’re too stupid to tell me no,” Andrew said distantly.

“And you don’t want me to tell you yes?”

“This isn’t yes. This is a nervous breakdown. I know the difference even if you don’t. I won’t be like them. I won’t let you let me be.”

The words stuck in Neil’s head, his thoughts shouting over each other before he could string together a sentence. “The next time someone says you’re soulless, I might have to fight them.”

“Ninety-two percent,” he said blankly, “going on ninety-three.”

A lying smile pulled at Neil’s lips, but he didn’t let Andrew see. He wasn’t happy, or amused, just right. Satisfied that he had figured out that Andrew had a heart, even if he wasn’t using it.

“Hey,” he said, trying and failing to get Andrew’s attention. He tried again, “thank you.”

“Go away before I push you off the side.”

“Do it. I’d drag you with me,” Neil repeated himself before walking back to his dorm.

Neil had barred any kind of attraction, disregarded the thoughts because he knew he couldn’t ever experience it. He thought about Andrew, how he was so shut off to the world, how he hated being touched or letting anyone in any other way. He thought about how whatever was going on with him and Kevin worked, with what happened to Andrew- how can it be okay for him? Paranoia was enough to put Neil off the idea of intimacy for years, he couldn’t imagine coming back from that kind of trauma.

He pushed all these thoughts away, dismissed because it was unlikely anything would come from kissing Andrew. He had said it himself, that he’s not stupid enough to go that way. Neil didn’t understand it then but he saw it now. Andrew confessed his hatred for Neil as unhesitatingly as reading off the time of day, and just as frequently. He also would never want to touch him. Neil wondered if he ever let Kevin touch him, he doubted it highly before his brain started suggesting all kinds of things that didn’t necessarily involve Kevin touching Andrew. The image sent Neil dizzy. He tried to push it to the back of his mind, something he was practiced in.

He knew he shouldn’t dwell on the idea of kissing Andrew, he knew it wasn’t safe. He’d made a mistake by joining the Foxes, now he was getting himself caught up in some loveless love triangle. Whatever it was, he should stop. He knew he should stop, he told himself he should stop. He didn’t.

A week later, he was sat in Kevin’s room watching Vermont’s most recent game. Neil tried his best to take notes, but stole quick glances at Kevin, who was occupied with the game. His eyes darted across the tiny screen to follow the ball, the blue light flickering in the reflection on them. Eventually Neil couldn’t take it anymore, and he blurted out his confession in French, “Andrew kissed me.”

“Neil. For one, what the fuck? And two, why would I care?” Kevin squinted his eyes as he looked away from the screen. He spoke back in English and his words were sharp, but lies nonetheless.

“You got defensive really quickly there,” Neil noted. Kevin feigned an oblivious look, before Neil sighed. “I know about you two.”

“You don’t know a thing about us.” Kevin said, his tone low as he switched back to French, uncomfortable telling the truth in a language Nicky could understand and overhear, as unlikely as it was.

“But I know you’re a thing,” Neil retorted, unhesitating.

Kevin was ready to insist it wasn’t a thing, but he instead addressed the elephant in the room. The elephant in the room that was stomping on his heart. He’s never thought he had feelings for Andrew, but he didn’t want to get dropped for Neil, as inevitable as it felt to him. “What happened?”

“He said you had no say in what he does, but I still thought you should know. I knew he wouldn’t tell you if you didn’t ask.” Kevin nodded slowly when Neil spoke, but his thoughts were going a mile a minute.

“He’s right,” Kevin admitted, “so are you, he didn’t tell me.”

“Are you upset?” Neil asked. He bit his lip, cursing it for ever letting itself anywhere near Andrew Minyard.

Kevin’s voice was hoarse and abrupt, “fuck!” Neil gave him a bewildered look. “Do you think I would have gone on this long with Andrew if something like this upset me?”

“How long has it gone on?”

“Why? Jealous?” Kevin chuckled dryly, building up a confident facade.

“Curious,” Neil offered, not answering the question.

“Aren’t you just,” Kevin mused. Neil raised an eyebrow, hoping for Kevin to answer his question. “I don’t know, uh. Nine months maybe, it started last year.”

“What started?”

“Very curious,” Kevin looked at Neil, who was almost blushing with embarrassment.

Neil didn’t mean to sound so intrusive, but he wanted to understand what it was between Kevin and Andrew. It was all too complex for him, made him glad he’d never let himself have a relationship. However, Kevin didn’t hesitate to explain. His confidence wasn’t even a facade anymore, seeing Neil so lost just made him want to tease him further.

“We fuck, that most of it.” Kevin said so blatantly. As convenient as the straightforward answers were, it wasn’t familiar and made Neil uneasy. “Nothing you need to worry about getting in the way of.”

This didn’t make Neil any less confused, but they went back to watching their game and Neil’s heart eventually slid back down his throat back into place.

Thankfully, Nicky came to Neil’s rescue and they went to the store to buy ice cream. Neil liked when Nicky spoke, his anecdotes and gushing over Erik were fast paced and enthusiastic enough to let Neil forget any of his own thoughts. Kevin hadn’t texted, which didn’t surprise Neil.

Back at the dorm, the situation was not so easily forgotten. Andrew got up from the couch and walked into Kevin’s dormroom. He walked in to see Kevin watching another game on his laptop, so made his way over to close the lid of the laptop. Kevin looked up at him, unimpressed.

“We’ve got at least half an hour,” he stated. “Yes or no?”

“What about Neil?” Kevin questioned.

“He went to the store with Nicky,” Andrew said, resting his knees on the bed in front of Kevin.

Kevin shuffled himself upwards, “you know that’s not what I mean, why didn’t you tell me?”

“You know I don’t belong to you, Kevin.”

“I know that, and that’s why you should be able to tell me,” he countered.

“You never asked,” Andrew shrugged.

A short laugh burst from Kevin, “he knew you’d say that.”

“So you see why I like him?” Andrew raised an eyebrow.

Kevin hummed, Neil picked up on Andrew’s mannerisms quickly, so perceptive when it came to anything but sex and relationships. And of course, Kevin saw why Andrew liked him. He was endearingly loud-mouthed, an insufferable liar, and just as messed up as they were. He was a problem that Andrew couldn’t figure out how to solve.

“Trading me in for a younger model, huh?” He leaned up towards Andrew as he spoke, close enough into his personal space that he could feel Kevin’s words as warmth on his cheek.

“Hmm, tempting but no. I want you both,” he said as he cupped Kevin’s jaw with his hands.

“Greedy,” Kevin smiled toothily before Andrew could kiss him.

“Do you want him as much as I do?” He said, ignoring Kevin’s teasing. His eyes were dark as he looked down at Kevin’s lips.

Kevin thought about Neil. About his slender but strong frame, his wide and staring blue eyes, he thought about how flustered Neil got when Kevin talked about sex. He imagined how he must’ve felt when Andrew kissed him, and let his mind wander elsewhere. “Time’s ticking away, only 27 minutes until they get back now,” Kevin said with a smirk.

“You don’t last that long,” Andrew teased him, shuffling back to pull down Kevin’s pants and underwear. He wasted no time is swallowing Kevin’s hardening length, pulling his mouth up until his cock flopped back down onto his stomach. “Call him.”

“What?” Kevin said, voice weak in want.

“Call Neil, tell him what I’m doing to you,” Andrew explained, rubbing Kevin’s balls with the palm of his hand before wrapping his hand around his cock.

Kevin grabbed his phone from his bedside table, opening it. He was hovering over Neil’s number when he looked at Andrew. “You don’t have to, but wouldn’t he like to hear all the pretty sounds you make.”

Biting his lip, Kevin clicked the number and put the phone to his ear. It rang only twice before Neil picked up, “hey, did you decide what ice cream you want?”

Before Kevin could reply, Andrew licked a circle around his head. “Fuck,” he whispered. Half because he forgot he was supposed to call anyway, half because of the fleeting wet contact. “Strawberry.”

“What are you doing?” Andrew muttered, lips still pressing sloppy kisses up the side of Kevin’s cock.

“Neil wants to know what ice cream I want,” Kevin explained shakily.

“Am I interrupting something?” Neil said under his breath.

Kevin’s words came out as a moan when Andrew took him deep into his throat again, “not at all.” Neil didn’t say anything, but there was no way even he hadn’t worked out what was going on. Nonetheless, Kevin explained it to him. “Andrew’s sucking me off right now.”

“Oh,” was all Neil said.

“We wanted you to hear,” Kevin’s breathing was heavy down the phone, the image was getting Neil hot. “Do you wanna?”

“Yes.”

He glanced nervously to where Nicky was inspecting the fridges for beer. He put the phone to his side and walked over to him. “Kevin says he wants strawberry. I’m gonna go wait in the car, this light is killing my head.”

“Yeah, sure, dude. That’s cool,” Nicky nodded.

Once he was out of the store and in the car, he put the phone back to his ear. “Are you still there?”

“Yeah,” Kevin breathed. “Fuck, Neil. You know Andrew is so good with his mouth? I’d love to watch him blow you, make you moan like he does to me. It’s so good.”

Neil listened to Kevin’s hitched breaths turn into desperate groans, “I’ve never done anything like that before.”

“We know,” Kevin replied instantly, “but, and he’ll hate me for telling you this, Andrew can be so patient, so soft. We can teach you.”

“You’re already training me every night, you’re going to have your hands full,” Neil joked.

Kevin moaned, “every night.”

“Fuck,” Neil said, his cock was getting hard and Nicky was almost at the checkout. Kevin was practically chanting Andrew’s name, which wasn’t helping. He adjusted in his seat, hoping it would make him more comfortable but instead brought more friction to his cock and made him gasp.

“You’re not touching yourself in the car, are you?” Kevin asked, starting a laugh that fizzled out into a whine.

“Not in my damn car, you’d better not be,” Andrew came up for breath to say.

“I’m close, don’t stop,” Kevin begged. Neil didn’t think he’d hear Kevin Day beg, and definitely didn’t think he’d find it so hot.

Neil explained himself, but also indulged the two in their game, “I’m not touching myself. I’m just so hard and I moved, fuck, I was gonna take any friction I could get.”

Kevin broke out into a wide smile upon hearing Neil admit that just hearing him and made him hard. He was too close to reply, so instead let himself moan into the speaker. Andrew was sucking at a slow pace to keep Kevin from coming too soon, being held at the edge was perfectly overwhelming. Until he was coming onto Andrew’s tongue.

He was still in the daze of his orgasm when he heard Neil say, “Andrew, we’re literally leaving now! You’ll get your ice cream soon.” And then the line beeped to signify that Neil had hung up.

Nicky smiled cautiously, “oh no, is he hangry?”

Neil resisted the temptation to respond with he’s already eaten. Instead he opted to just laugh and say, “we should probably hurry, I’m worrying for Kevin’s safety.”

When they got back, Kevin’s bedroom door was closed and Andrew was sat on a beanbag staring at the horror game he was playing with disinterest, as if nothing had happened. Nicky dished out the ice cream, which was enough to coax Kevin out of his room before looking for something to watch. Having reminded himself he only owned movies that he and his cousins had seen countless times, he declared, “there’s nothing to watch. I’m going to scour Matt’s collection.”

Once he was out of the door, Neil immediately began talking. “So, when you said you don’t like being touched, that means you’re okay touching other people?”

“If you’re asking if I’ll get you off, I think you got your answer earlier,” Andrew said, leaning his head back slightly.

“I don’t know what I’m doing, but I don’t want to ignore it just because it’s new. So are you completely off-limits or are there any safe zones?” Neil asked, glancing from Andrew to Kevin, who was stood behind them.

“What are you hoping for, coordinates?”

“I’m hoping to know where the lines are before I cross them,” Neil said, “but I’m open to drawing a map on you if you want to loan me a marker. That’s not a bad idea.”

“Everything about this is a bad idea,” Andrew said. Letting one boy in was something, letting another in was a death wish. As much as he hated people in his personal space, he never wanted to let either of them out of his reach. He wanted to protect them, but it was becoming more than that, and that was a problem. That wasn’t what mattered now, it wasn’t what he’d let either of them know.

This would remain physical, it was safe that way. Andrew knew how to repress his feelings. For months he’d been pretending that he didn’t care about Kevin, and he’d do it to Neil too. But it was becoming for difficult now he didn’t have the medication to numb the world. He wouldn’t let himself be hurt.

“I’m still waiting for an answer.”

“I’m still waiting for a yes or no I actually believe,” Andrew returned.

“Yes.”

Neil lurched forward to Andrew, close enough for Andrew to close the gap, he glanced to Kevin and motioned for him to come closer. Andrew leaned in and kissed Neil, testing the waters first with a soft, slow kiss. Once Neil fell into the rhythm, Andrew pushed back against his lips. Neil was on fire, he had been so starved of intimacy, now Andrew was so close to him, kissing him hard.

Andrew pulled away suddenly, but it wasn’t long before Kevin’s hand was sliding delicately up Neil’s cheek, thumb resting on his tattoo. “Is this okay?” He asked.

“Yes,” Neil choked out. Kevin kissed him, open-mouthed and dirty and running his hands through Neil’s hair. He started kissing at Neil’s neck, making him breath sharply through his teeth. When his eyes fluttered open, he saw Andrew watching them intently, something rarely seen on Andrew’s face. He wondered how the particularly complex part of his life that was his sexually must be such a raw point to him, he wondered if he liked it so much because it could make him feel something. Or if he enjoyed the control he could have over Kevin and Neil.

He didn’t have time to wonder, Nicky would be back any minute. He enjoyed the moment while he could, Andrew’s hazel eyes bore into him before Kevin reconnected their lips and kissed him. The moment lasted forever, he was so lost in it all and falling apart with every second. Neil chased Kevin’s lips desperately when when pulled away. He was so far gone and all he wanted to do was get closer to Kevin, to keen up into him and kiss him until morning.

Then Nicky knocked on the locked door. Andrew stood up to answer it, stopping to lean down and kiss Neil one last time. “We can continue this another day if you’d like,” he whispered, holding Neil’s already mussed up hair.

“Hell yes,” Neil panted. Kevin chuckled quietly at him before moving away to another beanbag chair. Andrew was already unlocking the door and Neil only just had time to pull himself together before Nicky strode in shouting movie titles he’d never heard. He ignored whatever trash they ended up watching, content to his own thoughts and pinching quick looks at Kevin and Andrew.

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