#kids man

[deadmomjokes]

Last winter my daughter wasn't quite tall enough to see more than the tops of other cars from her seat in the back. Now she can see down to road-level on both sides of the car.

We just had our first snowfall of the season, so places like the local mall and universities have their maintenance trucks outfitted with the little detachable plows on the front.

She just saw one for the first time chilling in a parking lot. Slapped the arms of her carseat like a middle aged dad awoken from an unexpected nap in the recliner and proceeded to sputter incoherently for several seconds before command of language returned to her, and she managed to produce this gem:

"WHAAAA? That fellow has a-- a car shovel! What on the earth?!"

[morgueilj]

I love how James just never brings up the fact the she tried to kill him in the hospital its never brought up again

[anaisthete]

the duality of child:

cute little boy (~5) runs up to me in the street (was w/ his dad) mouth agape, said something to me (couldnt understand it sadly, i had my headphones on) i smiled at him and he asked his dad something (couldnt hear) very cute 11/10 (first positive interaction i have ever had with a child in public dressing goth)

brat asshole chicken little looking ass child (~8) looks at me in the supermarket checkout and makes that grandma-disapproval face (eyebrows raised, mouth down, judgy as hell) and then gossips to his brothers in russian 4/10 never saw a child make that grandma face before

[ironmars]

Groggy with a headache and my 5 yr old neice is sitting there just counting to 100 over and over and I'm like "girl. Why are we doing this today" And she's like "57 58 🤷‍♀️ 59 60 61 62" and im like "k cool good talk 😞👍"

[xikoatl]

I know that Gwen "betrayed Miles" and all that shit but honesty I don't understand Gwen haters. She's a kid, she has the weight of her city's safety on her shoulders, her best friend died, the cops think she did it, his father pointed a gun at her when she trusted him enough to reveal her identity. If Miguel and Jessica hadn't arrived she would've probably gone to jail. She was being monitored 24/7 by Miguel so she wouldn't go see Miles, and she couldn't risk his trust in her because that would've meant going back home, looking in the eye at the man that pointed a gun at his daughter, being alone.

She did what she could, and even then she was waiting for the moment an anomaly on Earth-1610 popped out so she could go see Miles in secret. And yet people still say she betrayed him.

Fuck Gwen haters, I'm a Gwen defender for eternity.

[writercole]

How on earth do you let your one year son or daughter get away from you and end up trapped in an elevator on their own?????? 🤯🤯🤯🤯

So...you know the weeping angels from Doctor Who? Yeeeah, that's kids.

[bellisima-writes]

When you have young kids, you sometimes find little notes like this in your writing journal and realize that you’re going to have to keep it until either you or it turns to dust. Whichever comes first.

[bright-haired-teacher]

first period starts in 15 minutes and i can hear some kid outside my door in the hall talking to another kid about how oprah is a sex trafficker and i kind of want to hear more of this conversation but at the same time i don't.

[deadmomjokes]

The bean has recently started adding advice-giving and reassurances to her goodbyes. You know, like “See ya! Be safe!” and “Bye! Watch out for deer!” “See you soon!” That kind of thing.

Only she’s 3, so her addenda are.... Well....

Going to the park with dad: “Bye bye! Don’t forget to recycle!”

Leaving the Christmas Lights show: “See ya! It’s okay, we’ll be back soon!”

Leaving family holiday dinner: “Bye bye! Sleep good! Don’t worry, we’ll be back in a minute!” Oh, actually, honey, we’re not coming back today. Maybe another day. “Don’t worry, we’ll be back in a.... sometime!!”

Saying bye to Grandma on video call: “Bye, I love you! Don’t go too fast!”

Bye to Great-Grandma on video call: *screaming* “I! LOVE! YOU!!!” *back to peppy chipmunk voice* “Okay bye bye, eat some dinner, love you, MUAH!”

At preschool (leaving, generally addressing class and teachers): “Bye bye, you can do it! Have fun! Wash your hands!”

Also at preschool (arriving, dismissing me): “Bye Mom, don’t forget to have a snack!” *whispers* “Okay you can go now please.”

And, my personal favorite, to the door greeter at the store who gave her a friendly wave and ‘bye bye,’: *waving cheerfully* “No thanks!”

[addsalwayssick]

i work with kindergartners a lot and they are so ruthless. I was talking to one about their project and they look at me and say “You have really big eyes. They match your nose. And those red dots” Okay you little twat you look like a bug dipped in vinegar and your nose is running a river but i didn’t tell you that, did i?

[wyn-n-tonic]

Bailey just came up to me, stared at me, burped and then walked away.

[emotionally-intuitive-engineer]

https://youtu.be/M6bJXooZ_BI

This you? ↑

Sometimes, pardner. Sometimes.

[doctorsherlockjaneway]

I've lost a fic.

Halfway through my child endlessly rejecting sleep, my phone died and I can't find it again.

No idea what it was called, but the chapter I was on is called "no takesies backsies" there's like 20ish chapters and a tumblr post lead me to it on ao3.

I was really getting into it adjkafff... its a Deacon x F!Sole fic

Please tag me if you have any clue what I'm on about

[skygodtraumabond]

A good morning and clear skies to everyone except the kid who woke me up specifically to battle me.

[writercole]

If his child was born April 2022, why on earth would you either let a one year old or younger get away from you or get into an elevator themselves? I have a child born around the same time and you need eyes on the back of your head but you need to always have their hand or have your eye on them… he’s lucky nothing bad happened or that it wasn’t say a car park or play park

You literally have to constantly watch them or they wander. I can't tell you the destruction my youngest has wrought.

[grandmafc]

US Marine: “Oh he can touch whatever he wants, he can’t hurt anything.”

Two year old proceeds to reach for the e-brake on the seven ton personnel carrier, panic ensues.