#killian fangbattle

[sexiestpodcastcharacter]

Sexiest Podcast Character — Unscripted Bracket — Round 4

Propaganda

Gable (Campaign: Skyjacks):

7ft tall silver-haired thembo of a fallen angel. was the literal sword of god until they killed him! reasons slightly unclear but probably sure to forbidden queer love! super caring for their friends. has one friend they have known for hundreds of years who they HATE but are bound to by the red string of fate. their sword is a part of them, they can sheathe it into a tattoo. they start out indistinct at the edges but as they have continued on through the campaign they have become more and more distinct. they became a flaming engine of justice to kill their friends shitheaded older brother who was following him. they have learned enough necromancy to allow other fallen angels to die, even though they typically cannot. they fly giant birds in to battle.

7ft tall beefcake wielding a sword as tall as they are. vengeful sweetheart

Imagine now: a fallen angel with beautiful gray hair and very big muscles. Now imagine them with a 9 ft sword. Now imagine them as a helmsperson of a pirate ship in a flowy deep-v pirate shirt. Now imagine they're dumb as a fucking rock. And finally, imagine that they killed god. Here, you have made Gable Skyjacks: sexiest podcast character of all time.

7ft tall nonbinary/genderfluid thembo fallen angel sky pirate who wields a buster sword. silvergrey hair with black/gold streaks as they regain feathers/memories of before their fall. back is covered in tattoos that hide the scars of their shredded off wings. killed God. toxic exes with lucifer. they are the keeper of several giant war birds who occasionally crave human flesh. they enjoy getting rowdy/smoking rope with their boys. they collect rocks that they think are neat. When anyone admits they are attracted to them, Gable trips over their words and absolutely swaglessly ends up sounding stupider and sexier by the end of the conversation; the will they/won't they and teasing they dish out to these (un?)lucky few is palpable. Sometimes the buster sword is on fire. They are immortal, they are cringe, they are trying to atone because they believe they are the reason the world is ruined.

Okay so aside from all of the above (giant with a matching giant flaming sword, killed god, extreme dumbass), here's some more propaganda for Gable the Godkiller.

They've escaped death multiple times with their partner in... crime? Like literally they were about to be executed in the most brutal way possible and just. Escaped and killed all their captors in the snowy wastelands.

They are the helmsperson of the Uhuru and take this job very seriously and definitely haven't left it to Bowser (you know, like from Mario) multiple times. Can steer that flying ship in horrible weather and still make it to port safely.

Healed an entire fucking hospital by cutting their hair for someone they had the hots for who was also in the hospital. Imagine being on that level of myth making in some random port city because of a hair cut.

Giant bird caretaker and also took the giant birds out on their friend's bachelor party (this was like. his Xth polyamorous marriage at this point btw) and had a fucking blast getting high on some rope and fucking around. They've also flown these birds into combat and looked cool as hell doing it (see: killing their friend's shithead of an older brother in a joust).

Had a relationship with Lucifer the Morning Star before they fell as an angel and killed God. Literally the reason the stars fell was their love for each other. The world would not look the same without Gable and they are, at the very least indirectly responsible for the creation of the Church of the Slain God and everything it represents (fantasy Catholicism).

And also yeah they are regularly tripping over themself and saying very silly things. 10/10 character we love Liz Anderson and Gable in this house

I am seeing people say that this Nicky fellow is basically trans! That's very cool! Gable is actually trans. Pronouns they/them/any presentation whatever they feel like.

Gable held a bachelor party for a BFF where the attendees hunted from their sky birds, wore dresses, and still managed to keep their eyeliner on point!

Gable killed God because he wouldn't let them be queer. They should rightfully crush anyone in their path.

Nicky Close (Dungeons & Daddies):

One armed half-demon man with a sword (also a Dedicated, Involved, Loving Father). (Specifically campaign 2, where he is an adult)

Transmasc bisexual (or at least so widely accepted as such it's basically canon) dilf half-demon let's start with the basics

And by half-demon I mean the literal prince of Hell

But also simultaneously is Saint Nicolas get you a man who can do both specifically this man

Missing an arm cause his ex-friends tragically betrayed him and shot it off but he doesn't need two arms to show you a good time wink wink ;)

The betrayal in question forced him to be seperated from his also hot milf voice actress wife and their son which is sad but in like a way that makes him sexier

Uses his one hand to wield a flaming katana that he used to rescue his son from the FBI

Protects his family with his life very literally which is hot as hell

Big himbo energy couldn't come up with a good plan if he used 100% of his brain

When he does fail at things it's pretty cute honestly

Definitely played a variety of musical instruments before the whole arm thing happened! Maybe he still does idk he's a sexy mystery

2 in 1 deal! This man was born from the merging of two timelines! Kinda sick!!! Also two dads = twice the daddy issues

You'd think the whole being forcibly split from his family thing would mean he isn't very close with his son but nope! His son adores him! They get along great!!!

His mom is simultaneously alive and dead

His mom bagged fucking two different dudes (one of whom FOUND HER DEAD in a different timeline, both of which are demons)

HIS MOMS NAME IS MORGAN FREEMAN, HIS DAD’S NAME IS GLENN CLOSE, AND HIS OTHER DAD’S NAME IS JODIE FOSTER, AND HIS GREAT SOMETHING GRANDFATHER’S NAME IS MERYL STREEP

HIS SONS NAME IS TAYLOR SWIFT

Lifelong pot smoker 👍 (plus drug flower user!!)

CANONICALLY BOTH A POLO WEARER (and yes, has all the stereotypes of that attached with it — a nerd, which is hot) AND A LEATHER JACKET WEARER (which also has all the stereotypes attached with it — a rebel dude person, which is also hot) [<- all widely accepted as canon by the fandom even as he’s older]

A part of the SECOND BIGGEST ship of season two, (Nark) despite the two characters only having one-two canon interactions (one of which JUST happened last episode)

Man’s a himbo what’s hotter than that

So many fucking names. You try to tag him in anything and he takes up half the space. That’s probably hot. For someone out there

This was already mentioned but so very very trans. Like. It’s basically canon

Rock and roll(er)

Joined a group of thieves called the watermice when he was like 13

for a few minutes had a guitar called the Battle Axe of Hatred

definitely had an frienimies with benefits relationship with his childhood friend Lark (sorry ppl that don’t ship nark lol) (it’s canon after ep 44 hah)

I feel like the audio of the entire Nick-breaking-into-the-FBI scene should be propaganda, but I'm copying select bits from the transcript:

Anthony: Yeah, it kind of echoes up through the vent, like the beginning of Metal Gear Solid. You hear a voice that strikes you as ever so slightly familiar, Taylor. Saying—  ??: [a deep voice] [echoing in the vent] Where is he?  Anthony: You hear—  Will: Uh-oh, he’s hot.  Anthony: —a bunch of shouting voices.  [giggles]  Beth: Uh-oh! Anthony: You hear a bunch of shouting voices and people shouting for him to get down on the ground to turn off his flame. To fucking get his hands behind his back. You hear this rhythmic stepping forward— because his footsteps don't sound like anybody else's because it's almost like… y’know when you toss a little bit of water onto a really hot pan and it just sizzles like that? It's like every footstep he's taking, you can hear that— Freddie: Cool  Anthony: — and you can feel some of that heat coming up in this vent, even though you can't see him at this point. And he goes—  ??: [echoing] Where. Is. My. Boy? Anthony: You hear the FBI agent—the FBI in quotation marks agent—in the back going like—  Agent: [echoing] He's safe for now. If you want to go ahead and make sure that he stays that way, you feel free to go ahead and step inside the suite that we've prepared for you, my boy. Anthony: And you hear the hot guy voice saying—  [chuckles]  The Hot Guy: [echoing] I don't think that's going to happen.

...

[a powerful rush of air builds] Anthony: You hear—  [gunfire, and the air rush culminates in a burst of flame; from underneath the fire, metal music starts playing] Anthony: —plumes of flame exploding.  [a person’s pained shout, gunfire and bursts of flame continue]  Anthony: You can feel the heat radiating through this metal vent and it's actually beginning to hurt and burn your hands.

...

Anthony: And you hear blood—  [sizzling]  Anthony: —hitting the fucking ground and you hear sizzling and things boiling and burning. Taylor: That could just be coffee! That could just be coffee. Link, let's go. Anthony: And you are getting closer and closer to the elevator. And you hear that same hot voice say—  The Hot Guy: [echoing] Where the hell is Taylor?

Gable and Nicky Together:

We are on a joint ticket now! This is a truly unbeatable combo. Not even god can nerf it because Gable killed him. Vote for us. Nicky Close will watch your stuff and play with your cats while Gable gives you the night of your life.

Killian Fangbattle (The Adventure Zone: Balance):

she's an orc! she's really fuckin strong! she's a butch lesbian! she has a short fuse, loves to joke, and loves to threaten! and she is very soft and loves ducks + her lizard wife.

I don't even think I need to say anything here, we were all smitten the moment Griffin said "orc woman"

Art of Nicky by @llumimoon.

[anewgayeveryday]

Today's LGBT+ Character is;

Killian and Carey Fangbattle from The Adventure Zone Balance-Lesbians

Art by @dotstronaut

Requested by Anon

Status; Alive and married

[noodyl-blasstal]

The d ick Store - Best Served Cold Chapter 5

It's day 5 of @tazsapphicweek which means it's time for Chapter 5 of Best Served Cold!

Read below or on Ao3. Missed the start? Here's ch 1, ch 2, ch 3, and ch 4.

-

“This is the weirdest double date we’ve ever been on.” Carey mutters to Killian.

“Ssssh!” Hurley hisses in their direction. She’s told them so many times that they actually need to be quiet. She really can’t get fired about this, no matter how much she loves Istus.

There’s a long pause.

“It’s not.” Killian stage whispers. “Remember when we helped Magnus and Julia with the moon landscape staging for the dog photo shoot?”

“Awww! You count that as a date? We weren’t even together then.” Carey’s voice carries clearly across the dark and thankfully empty walkways.

“You’re compromising the mission!” Hurley snaps. Fuck. Now she’s compromising the mission. “I think you two should be on watch. Do you remember the super secret sign in case you see someone?”

“Cheese it!” They yell in tandem, waving their arms in the air.

Now they’re definitely, definitely compromised, but at least they know what they’re doing.

“And your cover story?” Hurley powers on.

“We’re canoodling.” Killian says, pulling Carey in for a kiss.

“Gross.” Hurley says happily. At least they’re convincing. “Right, wish us luck.”

“Who’s us?” Carey asks.

“I am.” Sloane emerges from the shadows. “Their security is shit, I’ve disabled it.”

Hurle tries desperately not to think about how hot that is. She fails. Miserably.

“Now who’s distracted?” Killian gives her a shit eating grin.

“Ogling is silent!” Hurley says un-silently, not taking her eyes off Sloane. She’s perfect.

“But defending yourself against the ogling accusations isn’t.” Sloane takes her hand. “C’mon, let’s go fuck ‘em up.”

Hurley allows herself to be led round the corner of The Good Lick Store.

“You broke in?” Hurley mutters quietly and eyes the back door which is swinging wide open.

“It’s not breaking in if you have the keys.” Sloane whispers.

“It super super is, like, legally.” Hurley whispers back.

“But they’re doing a crime so we’re having to do a crime to fix it. Two wrongs make a right!” Sloane pulls her through the door and tugs it closed behind them.

That’s not how the saying goes!” Says Hurley to the place where she thinks Sloane is, it’s dark in here.

“Sssh.” Sloane, from the other side of Hurley, puts a finger to her lips.

Hurley kisses it, what else is she supposed to do? It’s not that she approves of Sloane’s slightly more deviant talents… well, not the specific breaking in ones, there’s some very deviant talents that she’s a big fan of… but she looks undeniably sexy in her burglary outfit. She could steal Hurley’s heart any day.

Sloane clicks on her head torch, rolls her eyes, and gestures towards a door. They seem to be in a sluice area with big sinks.

The door takes them into the kitchen, not that there’s much in here. Everything’s just packet mixes from the looks of the big metal shelves. How dare they pretend that their stupid frozen yoghurt is more important than Istus’ ice cream. Happy Scoops has a kitchen full of equipment and beautiful ingredients and allergy considerations. There’s nothing here, no sections to the kitchen, no soul to be found. Gross.

Hurley points at the bags and makes a sick-face.

Sloane nods, snaps a quick photograph with her tiny camera, and motions for them to continue. The way she hugs the walls as she moves should be illegal; well, it is, but it’s incredible to witness. The things Hurley’s going to do to her later… Maybe Sloane’ll keep the balaclava on if Hurley asks nicely.

Sloane’s gone. One minute she was ahead and now there’s only shadows from the faint light filtering in through the front of the shop - Hurley can see the counter at the end of the hallway. Shit, maybe she should go back?

There’s a soft click and a door just ahead opens. Sloane’s torch flashes twice. Hurley skitters in behind her. Gods, she’s impressive.

Sloane gestures to the computer and Hurley nods, pulling the plastic gloves from her pocket. At least now she’s more in her element, she’s okay at the in person sneaking, but much better at the digital version. The computer’s just in sleep mode and there’s no password. Hurley would be suspicious, but frankly they seem like the type who are too confident to think anyone would dare try and catch them. Especially not ‘poor simple idiots’ like them. Thankfully, Hurley has absolutely no time for their kind of bullshit, especially not when it’s aimed at Istus. Well, alleged bullshit, but not for long, she’s going to get them.

It doesn’t take long at all. Even less time than she assumed. It turns out they saved the password for the fake Facebook profile they set up. She would have bet anything that it was them, but seeing the evidence kindles a furious fire in her. How dare they come here and do something so awful, and what for? Istus would have worked with them, Hurley knows that for a fact. Hells, she was probably planning a promotion the minute she saw the sign. Carey definitely said she heard Istus sending people their way! It’s pointless for them to act this way. Instead of getting even angrier, Hurley carefully inserts the USB and then begins the process of taking screenshots. It’s tempting to delete the page, but that won’t help, it’ll just let them know that someone’s caught on. Right now they need to catalogue. Cases have to be built slowly. Then they can use that big heavy case full of evidence to throw at them and squish them. She records the screen to show it’s theirs, shows the Facebook with the saved information, and also shows the inbox, including all of the awful messages sent to enquiring customers.

On a hunch, she checks their email too, it’s open on the desktop.

She finds one of the complaints in the sent folder. When she looks at the list of saved passwords she finds the other email accounts too. They could at least have varied the text of the email, all they changed was the names. Pathetic.

The evidence all goes in the folder.

Sloane taps her shoulder and gives a thumbs up. Hopefully the filing cabinet was bountiful. Hurley holds up a finger to ask for just a minute longer, and copies across some files which look like they might be of interest. There’s surely no harm in learning more about their company? Afterall, their accounts should be public. She removes the USB, makes sure there’s no alert set on the computer, and sets it to sleep.

She takes Sloane’s hand and squeezes, then nods towards the door. Leaving is faster, Sloane locks the door behind them, then guides Hurley back down the corridor to the kitchen and out of the back door, carefully ensuring everything was as she found it.

Sloane pauses at the front of the building, hand patting at her thigh holster. “Fuck. Where is it? If I’ve dropped it… shit.” She hisses.

“It’s okay, we can retrace our steps, we’ll find it. Did you have it at Istus and Raven’s?”

They look at each other.

“Damnit… Istus!” Sloane’s shoulders slump in defeat. “She’s so quick.”

“She’ll give it back, she always does.” Hurley says consoling.

“I know, I just had big plans for the sign.” Disappointment creeps into Sloane’s voice.

“We’ll get it another time.” Hurley whispers, soft and conciliatory.

They don’t speak again until they make it to the car, parked in the blind spot of the CCTV. Sloane caws twice before getting in.

“Did you get anything?” Killian belts into the back seat as Carey slides in from the opposite side.

Sloane doesn’t answer, just starts the engine and drives.

“We got a lot.” Hurley peels off her gloves and balaclava, puts them all in the bag like Sloane taught her. “We were right.”

“They’re so awful.” Killian groans. “At least we know, but poor Istus is going to be crushed.”

“I’m not sure she could be more upset than she was when no one showed up for origami night. She made so many example frogs.” Carey’s voice wobbles slightly at the memory.

“You didn’t see her after the terrariums.” Killian says gravely.

“We’re going to stop them.” Sloane says, resolute. Her eyes don’t shift from the road. “We’ll go home and look through this and we’ll make a plan.”

Sloane’s waiting! She’s not acting on impulse. She’s going to set up a strategy and take them down slowly and methodically. Hurley puts her hand on Sloane’s leg and tries to radiate as much pride as possible down it.

–

It takes a while for Sloane to dispose of everything she needs to, but while she’s doing it Hurley gets the information downloaded and transfers Sloane’s pictures.

“It’s all just powder?” Carey’s outraged. “And look at the sprinkles! They’re just the cheap ones!”

“And that’s why everyone prefers Happy Scoops.” Killian grins and plants a kiss on Carey’s cheek. “You can tell there’s love in it.”

Carey pretends to grumble, but leans into Killian and rubs her head against her arm.

“I need the computer.” Sloane says, reemerging, smelling faintly of smoke and bleach.

Hurley sits back immediately.

“Can you pass me my wallet please?” Sloane asks.

Hurley hands it over, she knows better than to get in the way when she’s on a mission like this. They wait patiently until Sloane slowly spins the desk chair to face them, barely contained grin on her face.

“I bought their company name.”

“What?” Carey asks, getting in before the others get a chance.

“They didn’t buy or register their company name.” Sloane continues. “I’ve got their name and three different variations of their website. They went with the cheap one.”

“I can change the QR codes they put up everywhere to link to the new site.” Hurley says.

“Perfect.” Sloane stops trying to pretend she’s anything but delighted. “We’ll build the new website tonight.”

-

I hope you enjoyed! Want the next chapter? Great news, it's here!

[asofteradventurezone]

Cock tease (n) Person with sexual interests distinct from mine.

[m0nomercy]

sapphic ship a day for lesbian visibility week!!

carey and killian from the adventure zone balance!!

the first actual play podcast i got crazy invested in i love these wives <333

[everythingsucksbutthatsokay]

Some of my (many) TAZ: Balance character playlists

Edit: shoutout to artists @spaghetti-taako, @very-small-giant, @ccomilk, @angryducktimemachine, @krowbats, @entguarde, @degravityfy, @ghostyprince, @gilwing, and @orykorioart, whose art I utilized as cover images for these playlists. Thank you all for sharing your work on here, and I hope you don’t mind my using it in this capacity. If you would rather not have your art used like this, please reach out and I will remove it from the playlist.

[orbiiance]

okay here's CAREY fangbattle.......... i totally didnt mix up the names the first time

[terabyte-teddybear]

blinkies are back and i’m doing taz now! here’s a set for balance ^_^

[i-glow-pink-in-the-night]

if someone else already did this then oops

[orykorioart]

Here’s another ‘redraw’ of sorts, ft. my beloved Team Sweet Flips! (AKA TAZ sapphic ships my beloved)

Once again, I realized that I never posted this 2021 piece, but in looking at it again I wanted to redraw it (and I am always in the mood to draw more dragons) sooooo…..

(I like the idea of date-night Killian doing hair up and wearing a cute blouse, but also still accessorizing with some armor, lol)

[sexiestpodcastcharacter]

Sexiest Podcast Character — Unscripted Bracket — Round 2

Propaganda

Killian Fangbattle (The Adventure Zone: Balance):

she's an orc! she's really fuckin strong! she's a butch lesbian! she has a short fuse, loves to joke, and loves to threaten! and she is very soft and loves ducks + her lizard wife.

I don't even think I need to say anything here, we were all smitten the moment Griffin said "orc woman"

Kalvin Brnine (Friends at the Table: PARTIZAN and PALISADE):

As long as they're not talking, they're the hottest character in the game

hello gay people. you know what must happen now.

Voting Brnine cause I like this headcanon where theyre like the hottest (as long as they keep their mouth shut)

Art of Killian from the official graphic novels by @careydraws. Art of Brnine by @ahcoffeebeans, available now on official merch at friendsatthetable.shop .

[have-you-seen-this-butch]

Carey Fangbattle and Killian- The Adventure Zone

[do-you-ship-this-taz-ship]

Propaganda: give my bbgirl n03113 some love and appreciation please and thank you <3

Submit a ship through the form or in my askbox!

[cookie-nom-nom]

Taz Sapphic week!

And yes, Carrie got a girlfriend just so she could be the same height as Magnus. What of it?

[ethersierra]

TAZ Sapphic Week day 5: mermaids

[montrosepretty]

Winters are tough for a lizard girl on the moon. This high in the atmosphere, no setting on the thermostat is hot enough to shake the chill from under Carey’s scales. Luckily, her teammates make a pretty nice substitute for a heat rock.

Sapphic week may be over but i'm still on my yuri grind 💪 got a little team sweet flips fic inspired by @theatricuddles :>