#kirsten's wonders

[kirstenonic05]

[wavesmp3]

shawna!!! i picked up “the sea is yours to take” and genuinely so In love with your world building! can i know how you plotted the story out or how this world even emerged :OO

omg genuinely so excited to answer this ask, like you have no idea. i pulled out my laptop for it hehe

so as a disclaimer i must start by saying that i first started creating this fic and the world around it in 2019 (which can you believe was 5 years ago lol) AND i haven't really revisited all my notes since i was working heavily on this world in 2020 AND my notebook with all the details and brainstorming i did is at my parents' house and therefore do not have access to for the time being...

all of this to say that i am a little muddy on all of the nitty gritty details, but we continue forward nonetheless!

so as i said the initial idea that turned into this world came to me in the summer of 2019 in a silent chapel in the form of this drabble

(which, a note on the silent chapel part lol, i'm not a very religious person and i had never been to one before that but i think going to a place like that and thinking of the drabble there is why the piece has a strong emphasis on religion and like religious institutions, a lot of which was inspired by catholic ideologies such as the very idea of seven sins and seven gifts. and a lot of the emphasis on the religious beliefs of that world might not be as obvious in 'the sea is yours to take' (tsiytt) but it has more importance in the other installations (read: the world is ours to remake, posted as an original work somewhere on my blog as well as the crown is his to wear which was supposed to be the third and final installation that i never got around to writing rip)

but back to the point -- the drabble kind of set up the main plot which, to put it briefly, is that there is a king who is up to no good so much so that his own son is looking to overthrow him.

(note that the drabble was slightly different when originally posted and had been edited after the fact once i had created the entire world and overarching plot, but it was mainly the same as it stands right now apart from the naming of a couple things. fun fact: the gifts were called the virtues in that drabble)

and from there i kind of let my mind run wild.

i can't remember if i did most of the plotting/creation of that world during 2019 summer or if i did it during 2020 summer, but the main point is that i had almost a full year of just on and off thinking about this piece and this world

so from there (ignoring the timeline of all this world building) it was mainly just figuring out the answers to a whole bunch of questions like: why is the son trying to overthrow the king? what is the 'no good' that the king is up to? why did the prince seek out this other character in the drabble? what does that character know that can be of help? how or why do they specifically know it?

and it continued and continued like that for a long time until i had a pretty good understanding of what i wanted the plot to be. and because of the nature of the overarching plot with the plans to overthrow the king it kind of also did a lot of the world building too. i again had to ask and answer questions like why are all the sins and gifts apart from fortitude dead? why would the nomads know something that the rest of this world doesn't? why have the nomads ceased communication with the rest of this world? and a ton of other questions and answers that literally wouldn't even make sense with what is discussed in tsiytt but kind of helped informed what tsiytt needed to set up for following installations to make sense.

(note: kind of hate the naming of the nomads and the nomads land, it just feels wrong and a bit offensive of a word to use in the context that it is. i was young and really the only thing i was thinking about was the fact that it sounded like no mans land)

anyways this whole lengthy explanation is again just to say that i knew a certain couple of scenes needed to happen to drive the plot forward: like not knowing why fortitude sent the prince away, fortitude killing lord seth, the ending scene, and then a couple others that i won't say because they're probably spoilers.

and from there i just got to add in scenes to build out the love story as well as the characters. i wasn't following a very serious outline (especially when i started to write in may 2020) but rather just following my heart and letting words and scenes come out as i was writing them. but then because i was just thinking about this world and this piece so much i started to think up scenes that i wanted to write that would only happen much later. and so from there i was following a very loose outline. which was really just a whole bunch of bullet points of scenes i wanted to add. like they were so unserious. and to show how unserious, here is a sc i pulled of them (thank you google doc version history)

LOL

anyways i think that's kind of all i have to say right now, but i could really talk about that piece and that world for years, there is so much depth that will unfortunately never leave my little brainstorming notebook. even details like the zalazar river have so much more history and meaning to it than is explored or even brushed on in tsiytt.

i really apologize that this got so long (and if you can believe it, this is me trying to keep it short) and if it makes absolutely no sense. but if you have more questions or things you wanted to discuss or ask pls pls pls go right ahead. my ask box or dms are always open!! i love any excuse to talk about this world and these characters. they're my heart.

[diver5ion]

[aimmyarrowshigh]

31 Days of Halloween Specials… SPOOKSTRAVAGANZA!

1116/∞: The Tower of Terror (1997)

[roraruu]

YOTO: July

Leonie/Bernadetta. Stars/friends to enemies to lovers.

The first time Bernadetta spots Leonie out by the little fishing lake is after Jeralt dies. 

She sits on the edge of the dock, with her naked toes just grazing the surface to barely kiss the water. 

Bernadetta originally snuck out of her room to snag some cake from the mess hall. But as she was creeping along the path, humming to herself, she heard a sniffle, then a sigh and saw Leonie seated there at the dock. 

Bernadetta doesn’t talk to her, just observes her from her perfect little hiding spot outside Petra’s room. The shadows shield her enough from Leonie’s view. It’s been raining for the last few days so the air is very humid and there’s little relief; but the sky has opened up and there’s only wispy remnants of storm colours. 

Bernadetta has never seen the stars shine so brightly. Varley is an arid region, but the skies are mostly covered by smoke from the factories that produce their weapons. Swords and scriptures, that’s what her people are known for. 

She wants to open her mouth to ask if Leonie’s okay, because Bernadetta concerned and Leonie is Leonie. She’s like a hornet, strong, fast, zippy. Once, when she was sitting in on a lancing lecture to pass a horse backing riding exam—mandatory as she skipped so many of her assigned shifts in the stables—Leonie got hit several times by Dimitri of all people and did nothing more than stagger back and yell at him “again”. She even went as far as to taunt him, asking “is that all you got?”

Something inside Bernadetta—probably her anxiety—tells her that this is treacherous. 

Maybe Leonie doesn’t want visitors? Maybe she came out here for peace and air? 

Before she knows it, she’s calling out her name softly. “Leonie? Are you… um… okay?”

There’s a distinctly snotty sound and then Leonie vehemently insisting she’s alright, she’s okay in a salty, tear-streaked voice that insists she’s not okay. 

Bernadetta stands in the dark night and says, “I don’t… um… know what you’re going through but uh… M-Maybe cake would help?”

“Cake?” 

Bernadetta feels stupid. “Ye-Yeah. Cake always makes me feel a little better. And watching the stars.”

Leonie pauses. 

“I-I was just going to go watch some. B-But maybe we could. Um. Watch the stars together?”

“That sounds good.” Leonie’s voice is small. 

Bernadetta hurries and gets two slabs of cake—eating a bit of hers on the walk back—some stale cookies and thermos of tea to bring back to Leonie. She settles in beside her, but not to close and pushes the cake and cookies closer to her. Leonie finds it in her to laugh, and says “You can come closer, Bernadetta, I’m just crying, not sick.”

Bernadetta sheepishly slides closer along the dock. Panic rises inside her but it feels different this time. She fights back and tells it that it will not best her. “A-Are you okay?” Then admonishes herself. “S-Stupid Bernie, of course you’re not okay…”

“No, don’t worry.” Leonie runs a hand over her face, pushing back her bangs. “I’m just missing Jeralt. Captain… Captain Jeralt.”

“Oh.”

“He was sorta like a dad to me.” Leonie confesses softly, then mutters, “but I guess you figured that out already.”

“Sorta, yeah.”

There’s a silence between the two of them for a moment before Bernadetta squeezes her eyes shut tight and says, “I called Alois ‘Dad’ by accident.”

Leonie’s brow furrows and she sputters out a little choked laugh that’s obviously half-forced, half-genuine. “Do I wanna know?”

“Um… my father… He isn’t good to me.” She’s careful with her words, for she thinks that they’ll get back to him somehow. “Alois reminded me of my uncle, Francois. I always felt comfortable around him… I called him father a few times.”

Leonie looks at her like she understands what Bernadetta means. Her hand clasps over Bernadetta’s and for once—and at the perfect time—Bernadetta doesn’t flinch. “My old man wasn’t good to me either. Jeralt was.”

“We’re lucky to have them… Aren’t we?” Bernadetta asks. 

Leonie’s voice cracks again. “Yeah. We are.”

“Stars are pretty tonight.” Bernadetta says. 

Leonie nods. “Yeah. They are.” 

—

Leonie is dragging Bernadetta back to her horse. Well, not dragging, but leading her back with her hand in Bernadetta’s. It’s late at night, after lights out. Leonie insists that she’s found the perfect spot to stargaze and when Leonie is right, she is right. 

Bernadetta is shy and nervous and demure and ladylike. When Leonie told her of the plan during the lecture on tactics during battle, Bernadetta’s eyes sparkled in wonder and she murmured in curiosity if it was the same spot that Caspar took her to. She brought a little fabric knot of snacks—stolen hard cheese and bread—and her sketchbook with some thick charcoals. 

“W-Would you let me draw you?” Bernadetta asks nervously. Leonie can’t help but think she looks pretty with that crimson blush and wide eyes. In the back of her mind, she wishes that Bernadetta was a little braver, not for Leonie but for herself. 

“I’ve never had someone draw me.” Leonie muses. “So yeah, of course.”

The horse is tied up beneath a tree and Leonie half expects to be posed like an elegant lady—in the back of her mind, she wishes that Bernadetta does that, fluffing up her messy hair, lacing her hands in her lap, tilting her chin up while murmuring ‘now look at me’. But her hair is short and her face is round and her clothes are mismatched compared to Bernadetta’s pretty eyelet nightgown and the little sweater over top of it. 

Bernadetta is on her feet and pulls her up, she’s much stronger than Leonie expected. She drags Leonie next to the horse and then instructs her to braid its mane. “Or whatever you do around them. Just act natural.” Bernadetta insists. Her voice is giddy. “Like you’re just in the stables.” 

Leonie does so, but it’s hard to act natural when Bernadetta’s big eyes are focused on her. But they’re not focused on her per se; they’re focused on a spot next to her, in a space that isn’t hers. Does that make sense?

In a half hour, Bernadetta has a sketch and is showing Leonie it as they eat stolen cheese and bread and gaze at the stars. “I-It’s not even my best work.” Bernadetta says. “It looks quite bad really. Oh goddess you hate it—”

Leonie rests a hand on Bernadetta’s shoulder. “No, Bernadetta. I love it.”

Bernadetta’s face goes red and she hides her face in her hands in embarrassment. She murmurs something unintelligible, and when Leonie asks her again, Bernadetta practically yells, “I’ll come to Sauin and paint you proper someday!” 

That makes Leonie smile for real, perhaps for the first time since Jeralt died. 

—

Bernadetta isn’t a gambler, but when she does play cards, she’s a shark. Her mind is hardwired for mathematics, for chance and probability. It’s probably why she’s so good at judging when to run and hide and when it play it safe. 

Leonie however, likes to gamble only when she knows she’ll win. And while she and Bernadetta are friends, one of them is rich and the other is very poor. Leonie looks like she’s got the upper hand, a cute little smirk and sharp glimpse of the eye, and Bernadetta pulls out a 15-ten, launching her ahead of Leonie and into the final peg. 

Leonie sighs and hands slides the little gold marks to Bernadetta. “You’re too good at this.” She sighs. “Crib isn’t my game.”

“Don’t say that.” Bernadetta insists, taking the change and rattling it in her hand. “I th-think I have enough to get us some tea.”

“We can have tea back under the gazebo. The professor won’t mind sharing some leaves, and I’m sure if you ask Lorenz for a teapot he’ll lend it. He’s got like twenty or something. Probably.”

Bernadetta pouts and shakes her head. “I won! I want to treat you.”

“Isn’t that a waste of money?”

“Shouldn’t you hush and let me treat you?”

Leonie can’t fight the logic in that and shuts up. But before they can get down to the tea shop down below in town, Bernadetta’s anxiety spikes. “I don’t think I can do it.” She mumbles and grabs Leonie’s hand for support. 

Both girls blush hard. Bernadetta feels a little stronger when Leonie squeezes it back and tells her that it’s okay, that they can to another time. But Bernadetta is adamant. She wants to give Leonie something. They pass a flower seller and Bernadetta, overcome with energy and courage actually asks the seller for a bouquet of sunflowers. Her words come out in one breath, in sentences that linger along and make Leonie wonder why she’s never like this around her. Bernadetta comes running back with an armful of stalky blooming sunflowers that reflect their golden-yellow light back onto her pallid face.

She thrusts them at Leonie and says, “H-Here! For you!”

Leonie’s never had flowers given to her before. Back home in Sauin when Saint Cethleann day hit—which was typically recognized as a day to celebrate forms of love—people would always exchange flowers. Leonie never got a single one, aside from her mother but that doesn’t really count.

Leonie blushes hard and takes them from Bernadetta, murmuring a barely audible, “thank you.” Bernadetta must not notice her blush, for she turned away quickly. It’s a huge stack and Leonie plucks one, a small one that was plucked before it had fully bloomed so the petals are still small and holds it out to Bernadetta.

“But they’re for you.” She protests.

“And I’m giving you one.”

Bernadetta vehemently refuses, all the way up to the monastery. That night, when Leonie’s doing a final walk before bed, she takes the small sunflower and leaves it out in front of Bernadetta’s door.

The next morning, when Leonie’s the first one up and doing her morning stretches, she walks past Bernadetta’s door and smiles when she sees the sunflower gone.

—

Bernadetta is hiding behind a table of hors d’oeuvres at the ball. She hasn’t danced yet, refuses everyone until Leonie comes over and takes her hand and pulls her to the floor. Bernadetta was never a great dancer, always too jumpy and quick, which is why she’s probably a great archer. Leonie’s always been light on her feet but uncoordinated when it comes to dancing. 

So instead of the floor, where they’ll surely bump into people and piss them off, Leonie takes Bernadetta outside where they spin in the grass and collapse in the blades laughing and dizzy. 

And then, as Bernadetta’s about to get up, Leonie leans in and kisses her. 

It’s a short burst of a first kiss that makes both girls burn bright red and their hearts pound so loudly that they can hear it in their ears. 

All Leonie can think of is “Oh goddess, oh fuck I’m so stupid, oh goddess,” in a repetitive loop. 

Meanwhile, Bernadetta is staring off into space like she’s zoning out, her mind awash with “Well, everything makes sense now.”

Leonie’s mouth opens to apologize, to sputter out apologies like what Bernadetta would do; but as she begins to speak, the words die against Bernadetta’s lips as she kisses her again and again. 

—

“The stars are prettier in Sauin.” Leonie says. 

Bernadetta can’t help but believe her. They’re probably so much prettier against the open fields and bright skies. Wildflowers in the vale. The skies in Varley are shit in comparison, always covered up and smoky. 

“I want to see them one day.” Bernadetta tells her.

Leonie presses a kiss against her temple. “I’ll show you. Promise, Bern.”

Bernadetta curls into her chest, her arms snaking around Leonie’s waist tightly. Leonie laughs and it reverberates through Bernadetta’s entire body. She feels warm, she feels at home. 

“I’ll hold you to it, Sunflower.”

—

Leonie developed a taste for alcohol young. From fine brandy to shitty moonshine, she isn’t picky. But she honestly prefers it in her mouth instead of washing it over open wounds. 

She’s had a stash of gin—not her favourite but it does the trick pretty quick—that’s just right to clean broken skin and wounds. She keeps it stashed in her boot, probably negating its purpose. 

The arrow is lodged in Bernadetta’s thigh and she’s been unconscious for a while. She slumped over into Leonie and her grip went limp about twenty miles away from Varley Manor. Edelgard had ordered them to retreat if things looked bad, and things really started looking bad. Leonie had a feeling that the monastery would be either taken by the church and kingdom or overrun with wounded so she ran. It was the bravest thing she could do. 

Leonie grabbed Bernadetta by the waist and hauled her up onto her horse, ignoring her yelp and her cries that Petra was left behind, that Petra was going to die and leave her siblings behind, that she needs to help Petra—

Leonie had grabbed Bernadetta’s hands and told her, in a low tone, a warning tone, a tone that she hated, “We can’t help Petra if we die.” 

That sobered Bernadetta up. “I’ll guide Bennet. You focus on protecting Petra.” Leonie ordered.

Bernadetta nodded, her eyes glistening with tears. The two became a cohesive unit—Leonie guiding the horse, Bernadetta nocking arrows and protecting Petra from a distance as best as she could. Leonie circled around the town of Garreg Mach, fully intending to get back up to where Petra was so that Bernadetta could take Bennet and speed off to safety and Leonie could jump off and help Petra, who was surrounded.

Just as they were rounding the battlefield, another archer came outta nowhere. They missed Leonie but hit Bernadetta with a shrieking cry that made Leonie’s ears pop and Bernadetta drops her bow and cuss loudly.

Instincts drove Leonie to get the fuck off the field. Healers were scarce and her own vulnerary stash was near-depleted from a particularly nasty hit from Alois, who had nearly taken out Bernadetta. Leonie had seen it coming, saw the panic and fear in Bernadetta’s eyes, and remembered that one time, down at the lake, where Bernadetta recalled how similar he was to her uncle. 

So Leonie had jumped in, Leonie had taken the hit and then knocked the shit out of Alois, ignoring the fact that he had a wife and child at home, ignoring the connection he had with Bernadetta, ignoring the fact that he had mentored her in axe-throwing when she first got to the academy.

Ignoring that he too had lost Jeralt.

Leonie snapped the reins and directed Bennet—who had been startled by Bernadetta’s high-pitched scream—away from the field.

“Okay Bernie, okay,” Leonie’s voice was uneasy, and she was trying her best to make it calm. Bennet got scared and in between soothing Bernadetta and the horse, Leonie was stretched thin. “Talk about something. Tell me anything, come on, Bernie!”

Bernadetta was half-sobbing, half-screaming and began spilling the entire story of a five-part saga about a hunter and a princess, a Cinderella story of sorts. Leonie took the reins in one hand and searched for the vulnerary that she tucked into her pockets and fished it out. She handed it back to Bernadetta who chugged the rest of it and cringed.

When Leonie realizes that the gin is in her pocket.—Leonie kept her talking by asking about the book she’s writing. Each time her voice got too faint, Leonie would shift the reins into one hand and clutch Bernadetta’s arm hard and ask, more like yelling over the hoofbeats, “okay Bern, what happens next? What happens next?” 

When Bernadetta doesn’t answer, Leonie panics. Leonie isn’t used to panicking. Her mind goes through the motions of control, of what’s right, what’s logical. 

We need to stop. 

She pulls hard on the reins and the horse halts, whinnying in protest. Leonie hops down from the horse and Bernadetta almost falls. 

Leonie braces Bernadetta and helps her down as best she can. In a panic, Leonie undoes the cloak around her waist and bunches it up to make a shitty little cushion. She tucks it under Bernadetta’s hips. Elevation. Elevation is key. 

She searches for a pulse, her breath. She’s breathing but shallow, and her pulse is weak. 

Leonie stumbles over cusses. The vulnerary only did so much, and it wasn’t enough. First aid, she needs first aid. But pulling the arrow out makes a breeding ground for infection. And pulling out the arrow is not a good idea for the extra blood loss. 

Now, she’s wishing she paid more attention to Lorenz in between his patronizing comments and remarks as he tried to teach her white magic. Leonie was almost hopeless. Guy was a jerk most of the time but he knew what he was talking out.

All she has is here and now. Stop the bleeding. She orders herself. She has to stop the bleeding before Bernadetta’s weak pulse goes flat and she stops breathing. 

Leonie grabs the cloak and bunches it around the arrowhead. Bernadetta’s body flinches instinctively and Leonie feels uncomfortable hope. Don’t get ahead of yourself Pinelli. She warns. 

The professor would know what to do. She keeps thinking that Byleth would tell her what to do. But Professor Byleth is back on the front lines with Edelgard.

She dodges those thoughts as deftly as she can and searches the packs for alcohol. Leonie developed a taste for alcohol pretty young. Bernadetta did too, though she can’t hold her booze.

Leonie waterfalls it into her mouth and bitter, intense juniper and florals run over her tongue to take the edge off, breathes a sigh and steadies herself. 

“I’m sorry Bern.” She says before dousing her thigh in gin. Before the alcohol washes over her broken skin, Leonie is murmuring white magic spells, tripping over the words  and half-crying because she can’t lose Bernadetta. She can’t. Bernadetta has to live because Leonie’s lost too much already—

Bernadetta shocks awake and stares at Leonie, eyes dazed and unable to hold Leonie as her focus. Leonie doesn’t care. Instead she’s sobbing and clutching onto Bernadetta and praising the all stars in the sky that the stupid spell worked. 

—

Bernadetta tries to slow her thundering heart but she can’t. Camping sounded more fun on the first night, but after a week, her back is aching and she’s struggling to find a comfortable way to stretch out without kicking Leonie. 

The idea, at first, was to try and get to Varley where they could hide out. Bernadetta remembers a few empty houses that they could wait out in for a few days until the monastery is recovered and they can contact the professor.

But after a few days, Bernadetta sends a message by express to the professor asking for instructions and gets nothing back. And worse, every time she tries to remember the way home to Varley it gets foggier. She’s blocked part of it out, the pathways and vale that’s cloaked in thick, jet-black pines. It would be easier if she could just fucking remember.

She begins to get worried when Leonie gets frustrated with her inability to remember. Leonie will ask questions over and over, trying to figure out a solution, but each time Bernadetta cries out that she doesn’t know or can’t remember, Leonie’s patience burns away. 

At least they’re going back into imperial territory. Most of the noble houses bound together and are in agreement to fight against the church and Kingdom, but there’s still dissenters and Bernadetta is constantly on the edge of a panic attack. 

Their plan becomes treacherous and after a week of camping with stolen blankets and in dirty clothes, Bernadetta is done.

“I can’t remember the way home.” She says into Leonie’s back.

Leonie stirs a little. Her voice is distant. “You can’t?”

”No.”

“Seriously?”

“I can’t, I’m sorry, Leonie, I can’t.”

“Can you remember the path you took up to the monastery.”

“No.” Bernadetta’s voice gets shaky. “I… I was pretty much shoved in a bag and carried there, I remember nothing. I’m sorry Leonie, I’m sorry.”

Leonie sighs and sits up. Bernadetta stares at her frame, lit by the stars. Her freckles melt into her skin and disappear; shame, for they were Bernadetta’s favourite part of her, they looked like a tiny sky painted across her cheeks and down her neck. 

“Then you have to go back to Edelgard.”

Bernadetta sits up. “M-Me? What about you?”

Leonie is cold and quiet. “I can’t go back.” Her voice is defeated. “Claude needs me.”

“You’re deserting? She’ll kill you.“ Bernadetta says desperately. Her hand finds Leonie’s and holds it tight. “Leo, I can’t—I-I-I won’t… Don’t…”

Leonie’s arm comes around her shoulder for a moment and she feels her lips brush her hair. “I’ll run with you. I’ll run! W-We can figure something else out! We can go to the kingdom.”

“They know you’re with Edelgard.” Leonie warns. “The second someone sees you, or recognizes you, you’re done.”

“But I don’t… I can’t. I can’t be away from you, Leonie.” Bernadetta holds her gaze. The words jumble in her throat, thicken her tongue and take forever to come out but Leonie is patient. “You make me strong.”

Leonie just stares and holds her hand, her calloused thumb running over the back of Bernadetta’s palm. She’s quiet, gentle and attentive as Bernadetta attempts to regain herself and fails horribly. Bernadetta wants to collapse into Leonie’s arms and sob and yell that it’s not fair, it’s not fair, it’s not fucking fair.

“We’ll make it someday.” Leonie promises her. “We’ll just wait and see, okay?  I know this isn’t the end, I know it, Bern.”

Bernadetta feels her world come crashing down on her, but Leonie’s holding it up like she always does. She’s always so cool under pressure, nothing ever gets to her and it’s one of the reasons why Bernadetta is so intrigued by her. 

“We’ll head back to the monastery tomorrow.” Leonie decides. “How’s your leg?”

“Fine. I’ll survive.”

It still hurts a lot, and Bernadetta’s moving slower than she should but the important thing is that she’s alive. She would’ve been dead without Leonie. Soon enough, Leonie won’t be there to make sure she doesn’t get hurt.

“They’ll take care of it better, I’m sure they have the supplies.”

Tears prick at Bernadetta’s eyes. Her arms slither around Leonie’s waist. She hugs Leonie tight, trying to remember how she’s all strength, all hard edges and sinewy muscle. Every since really taking archery seriously, Bernadetta’s slowly become like that, but village life and planting and sowing and hunting since she was a kid has sculpted Leonie into that mould.

Bernadetta focuses on the feeling of Leonie’s body against hers, her steady breathing, the rhythmic gentle thud of her heart. Bernadetta focuses on that for a long, long time until Leonie melts into sleep—she’s always been a better camper than Bernadetta—then slowly extracts herself from around Leonie.

She gets up, empties her pockets of her change, they were playing an anxious game of cribbage, trying to pass the time before the attack on the monastery, and leaves her entire coin purse of cribbage winnings by Leonie’s head, writing in the dirt, You win, Sunflower.

She says goodbye to Bennet, leaves all the rations they collected and her cloak because Leonie will surely need it and leaves the campground without looking back.

—

In five years, Bernadetta throws herself on Edelgard’s mercy; Leonie does the same with Claude. Naturally, as both are skilled fighters, they’re accepted back into the fold. 

Edelgard keeps a close eye on Bernadetta to make sure she doesn’t run and hide. Claude makes sure that Lorenz, who has employed Leonie as a mercenary out of the knowledge of his father, keeps tabs on her.

Bernadetta doesn’t dare send a letter to Leonie, though she writes many and addresses them to the hearth in her room. Leonie doesn’t either, because she goes where the money goes.

But soon enough, five years lapse and the war goes full tilt.

—

Leonie is thrown from her horse. Bennet, the dumb bastard, rears up when Raphael lets out a roar to gas himself up. The battle’s barely started and she’s already half-concussed. The one fucking battle, that is the most important and she’s already messed up.

Leonie forces herself up into the saddle and follows Claude’s orders. She and Raphael are on the front line, their job is to cut a path through so that their reinforcements—mages—can sneak in and set fire to the field.

It all goes to plan, Leonie cuts down allies and enemies alike, their faces and bodies bleeding together like paint.

There, across the field she sees Bernadetta at the ballista. She looks different. Stronger, more mature, there’s a fire in her eyes that Leonie never saw before and she keeps murmuring, that can’t be Bernadetta, that can’t be her. It can’t be.

Then it occurs to Leonie that she’s on the bridge they’re going to set fire to.

Bernadetta, who left her in the ruins of a ravaged town. Bernadetta, who she thought would have died long ago. Bernadetta, who she would never have imagined in a thousand years to be here, on the front line at the Battle of Gronder Field.

Before she realizes it, Leonie is barrelling towards Bernadetta, screaming her name like it’s the only words she knows. She’s breathless, her lungs burning like hell as she pushes poor Bennet, faster, faster, faster.

She feels an arrow graze her shoulder. From the corner of her eye, Leonie sees crimson seep through her shirt sleeve and she cusses. Bernadetta nocks another one and screams at her to stop or she’ll shoot again. There’s a wild look in her eyes, a dangerous look, a look that says, “we have unfinished business”.

Leonie feels a lurch of anxiety and stops short of dismounting Bennet.

There’s a tense moment of eye contact as Leonie drinks in how Bernadetta has changed. Her hair is different, like she’s finally gotten used to using a hair brush, and she’s taller, much taller, almost as tall as Leonie herself. And she looks mature in a bad way, in a way that gives her dark circles beneath her eyes and quaking hands. She doesn’t look like the Bernadetta that she kissed, the Bernadetta that she shared secrets with, the Bernadetta that she loved and still loves.

She must have gone back to her father. Leonie shivers as she thinks it.

There’s the din of swords and shields. Leonie almost drops her lance. Bennet grows anxious with all the fighting.

“They’re gonna light this on fire.” Leonie tells her against the deafening sound. “If not them, us. You have to move.”

Bernadetta stares at her. “You said they’d protect me.”

“I was wrong!” Leonie cries out desparately. “I was so fucking wrong! I should have protected you. But you should have stayed! All you had to do was stay!”

Bernadetta’s eyes flicker behind her. She keeps the bowstring pulled tight as Leonie gets off Bennet and then lets it fly into Leonie’s shoulder. It lands hard and Bernadetta drops her bow, immediately realizing what she’s done.

She’s swearing, half screaming the words and then a cacophony of Oh goddess, oh Goddess, but all Leonie can think about is that she’s missed that anxious little voice and then realizes, “Oh fuck. You shot me.”

Bernadetta is stumbling over apologies before taking action. Like years before, but now in reverse, Bernadetta hauls Leonie on the back of Bennet and snaps the reins hard. She yells at Leonie to tell her about Sauin Village, about her home, about her travels, and Leonie, while feeling the blood ooze from her shoulder and the cloud of adrenaline fade from her mind, can talk only of the stars back in Sauin as they desert Gronder Field and their armies.

—

Bernadetta, Eternal Loner Leonie, Blade Breaker II

After fleeing Gronder, Bernadetta and Leonie were said to be spotted on the run for many, many years, though no official documents or records state this. Folk songs and rumours suggest that they became some sort of heroes to everyday folk, and The Ballad of the Bear and the Hornet, can be found in many children’s books. 

Reports exist that an older woman with a fair amount of battle scars could be spotted inside taverns and pubs with many a great story to tell. These fun nights would follow promptly with a woman who only referred to herself as Bear, coming in to pay her wife’s tab and give her apologies.

Bonus CF Ending: Upon inheriting House Varley, Bernadetta completed her duties in solitude. When Leonie was called to dispatch some bandits, she and Bernadetta reunited and ended up staying together. Leonie became captain of her personal guard and Bernadetta ascended to become a wise, caring and authoritative leader with Leonie’s help. It was rumoured that in the early days of their relationship, Leonie would sit in and warn visiting dignitaries and politicians to mind their manners when Bernadetta was speaking with a weapon at hand; in respect to this, Bernadetta gave her a golden dagger, engraved with the name Sunflower. 

[edwardsshinyvolvo]

robsten twitter really drags the hell out of Suki and Dylan for no reason other than the fact that Kristen and Rob aren't together and it's gross.

[josmarney23]

WONDER WOMAN X CHEETAH POSSIBLE DAUGHTER LOOK (?)

Normally I don't make this type of post, BUT I think I will do a little thing for the Diana x Barbara Ship.

I will imagine a little idea about how will look a possible daughter of Diana and Barbara if the DCEU was better written and explore more possibilities than even the comics.

And in that line of thinking I make just for fun a fusion of faces of Diana Prince (Gal Gadot) and Barbara Minerva (Kirsten Wiig)

This is how the final product looks

I doesn't think in a name, I think that will be something you guys in Tumblr make better.

I hope you like it and if you want to make know something, I'm open to read the comments :)

[widevibratobitch]

Top 5 sopranos <3

damn. i can't. im gonna try and not cheat but idk

1. Renata Tebaldi (duh)

2. Joan Sutherland (preferably young Sutherland, up to like mid-1960s when you could still somewhat hear actual words in her singing dkdhdndhn but i love her always)

3. Rosa Ponselle and Claudia Muzio (i love them both and they're kinda the same time period category but if I had to choose. yeah, Ponselle)

4. Marcella Sembrich-Kochańska and Luisa Tetrazzini and Nellie Melba (I CANT CHOOSE. they're my holy trinity of Ancient Goddesses of Coloratura - I'd say, objectively, Tetrazzini was the best when it comes to pure vocal technique, but Sembrich is the one closest to my heart so. Sembrich)

4. Edda Moser and Carol Vaness (they're THE Mozart sopranos. they never held anything back, always gave 100% of drama and full voiced singing, and that's THE ONLY WAY to sing Mozart. period. Moser ultimately wins because she's been with me from the very beginning, was one of my very first favourite singers, and she's ruined all Queens of the Night for me and her recording of Martern aller Arten makes me wanna scream and kill and maim like no other. I listened to her long before I even touched Tebaldi or Sutherland etc. and I'm very nostalgic about her. but Vaness is honestly so good too y'all, THE Fiordiligi and Vitellia, no one comes close to her in these roles, and also one of my two most favourite Donna Elvira-s actually).

5. Antonietta Stella (couldn't decide whether to put Nilsson, Flagstad or her but while I do think both N and F were Objectively better sopranos, I decided to go with my heart and my heart loves Stella forever and always. the problem with her is that, she either sings something absolutely wonderfully with a wall of huge, pure, beautiful, unrestricted sound, or she fucks up completely, rarely anything in between. but I just love her, I do, no matter what)

i feel so guilty for not including so many others of my favourites so im gonna mention them in the tags just to ease my conscience lol

[britishchick09]

wait... is that...

[musicrunsthroughmysoul]

Listening to Kirsten Adamson covering Big Country songs made me think 'Damn, has she got the voice to be a country (or Americana) singer' and it turns out, LOL, yeah, that's what she's doing.

[kirstenonic05]

Playing Hi-Fi Rush, it's great so far

[pixiesfz]

teammates k.c

plot: you vowed never to date a teammate every again.

warning: suggestive, sorry Courtney Nevin I love you

You swore you would never date a teammate again.

At first you opened your arms to the idea, your heart exploded when your crush kissed you at your game at the under 17’s World Cup.

You remembered Courtney’s smirk when you backed away with fluttery eyes and blushed cheeks.

You didn’t know the heartbreak it would cause you months later.

“Courtney we only see eachother at camps I- I don’t think I can do the long distance anymore” you sobbed to the blonde girl who sat on the bed next to you.

Courtney stayed silent, looking down at her feet.

“Please say something” you begged, leaning over to grab her hand.

“I slept with someone” she blurted out and you quickly pulled your hands away, your mind ran a thousand miles per hour.

You stayed silent as she was now the one who was begging from a sound out of your mouth.

“With who?”

“Just some random girl- I swear it didn’t mean anything I swear” she talked but you jumped off the bed.

“Courtney I need you to stay away from me right now, or for a while” you muttered, walking back to the door.

“y/n”

But it was too late you had slammed the door shut, making your way to your and Mary’s shared room.

You swore never to date a teammate again.

You had met Kerstin through Mary, constantly having to deal with the girl FaceTiming her Man City friend. “Fowler let your friend sleep” she laughed as it was clear you were trying to sleep in the background.

“Please listen to her Mary I told Kyra I would sit next to her in the bus and she won’t let me sleep”

You heard the Dutch woman’s laugh in the other end as Mary huffed.

During many camps after that you were invited into the FaceTimes, sometimes even talking to Kerstin yourself whilst Mary’s in the bathroom or running errands.

You found your cheeks blushing one time after a game, you were talking to Kirsten as Mary was washing her hair for the teams dinner tonight.

“I took Inspiration from you” she smirked “oh how?” You asked and she lifted her arm

You tried not to draw your eyes to the veins that popped out but you couldn’t help yourself. “Look a number three, inspired by your hatrick” she laughed and you rolled your head back “what is it you Australians say…you’re a gun!” She cheered and you blushed, too embarrassed to see the notification that Kirstin had taken a screenshot at the interaction.

Mary walked into the room with her hair wrapped up in a towel “looking fancy” you stated and panned the phone to her “nice Fowler, looking scrumptious” the Dutch girl laughed and you joined.

“if you guys are ganging up on me now I wonder what it’s going to be like when y/n joins city” Mary sighed and Kerstin gasped “your joining city?” She asked and you nodded your head “signed a contract not that long ago, so surprise?”

You were welcomed to City with open arms from all the girls Alanna taking you under her wing as she felt protective over you.

After all she was the one who caught you crying in the hallway after Courtney had told you she cheated, your eyes filled up with so much tears you could barely see.

“How’s Manchester treating you?” Allan’s asked as you sat with her and Leila, a Spaniard you had grown close with.

“Good I’m enjoying my time here everyone is so nice”

Whilst the three of you sat in the corner Jill cornered Kerstin who was ‘subtly’ looking at you from the other side of the room.

“You like her” Jill piped up and Kerstin jumped “nuekan!” She whisper yelled and Jill smirked “no I don’t” she denied.

“Yes you do”

“No I don’t”

“Yes you do”

“Yes I do”

Jill smiled triumphantly and clapped her hands together “then ask her out” Jill encouraged

“Ask who out?”

The two Dutch girls widened their eyes at Mary who had innocently jumped in on their conversation “uhm” Kerstin started and Jill looked around.

“Nobody”

“Y/n”

The two spoke at the same time and Mary’s eyes widened as she turned to her friend and hit her “why did you tell Jill before me” she said as Kerstin pulled away “ow stop” she said as Jill laughed and turned to Mary, pulling her away from her friend.

“So” Jill trailed off “do you know what y/n thinks of Kerstin?” She asked and Mary’s face fell and with that so did Kerstins “oh my god” she groaned.

‘I’m so stupid’ she thought but Mary grabbed her arm “It’s not that she doesn’t but it’s just that she doesn’t date teammates, she’s very big on it” Mary said and Jill shrugged “why?”

“Well when we were younger her and Courtney dated during Matilda’s camps and well when Courtney moved to Leicester and y/n stayed in Melbourne well…” she trailed off

“It’s easy for a couple to break up cause of long distance” Kerstin said as she thought of couples she knew “it wasn’t just the long distance, Courtney cheated on her and it really hurt her, so she’s vowed ever since” Mary said and the two girls nodded “oh” was all Kerstin said as she looked over to where you sat.

You were roomed with Mary for your first away game as your international teammate now was on edge from keeping Kerstins secret from you.

“You and Kerstin are close” she spoke up and you blushed, thankfully you were facing away from your friend so she couldn’t see the small smile that erupted on your face.

“I guess” you shrugged and Mary nodded “I know you vowed off dating-“

“Mary” you warned her and she groaned “I know but Kerstin isn’t like that”

“Yeah well I thought Courtney wasn’t like that either” you defended and Mary dropped her head “look” you started “if we weren’t teammates and there was no chance of having a weird team dynamic after we break up sure yes I would take her on a date” you shrugged

“I mean she’s nice, really cute, makes me laugh aswell as laughs at my jokes and has the tattoos that I’m attracted to and sure she would probably make a good girlfriend and-“ you stopped talking as you looked up to your fellow Aussie who was grinning ear to ear.

“I like her” you realised

“You like her a lot” Mary sang out and you slapped her.

You didn’t know what to do with your newfound information. Everytime Kerstin came up to you at trainings or at games you blushed and ran away like a little school girl.

“Y/n/n what’s up?” she asked you one day as she ran behind you “oh nothing” you trailed “any weekend plans?” She asked shakily as you both stopped.

You could lie and say no just incase she wanted to hang out but you found yourself wanting to hang out with her, by yourself…with nobody else there.

“None at the moment why?” You asked with a smile and the girl blushed “we should go out for coffee or lunch or something” she said and your breath hitched “or we could not-“

“I’d like that actually” you smiled and the Dutch girl nodded “great”

And with no thought your mouth betrayed you.

“Sounds like a date”

And you ran off.

The weekend came and you found yourself with Kerstin walking through a couple of clothe stores before you went out.

You couldn’t lie and say you didn’t like the way how Kirsten’s body would press behind you when you looked at a top for too long.

“That would great on you” she mumbled, her breath hitting your neck due to the height difference.

The top was nice and you were looking for your size until and idea popped into your head.

You turned your body to her, faces inches apart “how about we buy a piece of clothing for eachother and wear it out”

“wear it to our date?” She asked and you smiled, nodding and dropping your head to hide your blush.

“Okay but the top I like for you is near so close your eyes” she said with a grin as you did so “you pick yours then I pick mine I saw something at the start that is perfect”

Kerstin tried to be quick as she picked up a flowy top near where you stood, she remembered how your eyes lingered on it when you walked in.

“Okay I’m done” she announced before you smiled, a jump in your step as you made your way to a sweater vest that you knew that she would like and you knew she would look hot in.

“Okay I’m done too” you said and the Dutch girl laughed “alright let’s go pay and then get changed because we are already five minutes late to our reservation”

Getting changed you tried to ignore the way your heart was racing when she picked out the top that you secretly hoped that she would.

Kerstin stepped out with a grin “Love it” she smiled and lifted up her arms to flex as you laughed but secretly admired.

You both sat down and ate, Kerstin offering to pay as she invited you out. “Well next time I’m paying” you told her

“Next time?” Kerstin asked and you sheepishly nodded “yeah”.

It wasn’t until your next international camp that your teammates buckled down on you.

“No love life in Manchester?” Kyra teased as you smiled and you blushed, ignoring the stare on your face from a certain blonde.

“She would tell me” Alanna boasted and Mary choked on her food “no she would not” Caitlin told her “Yeah Lani if I was y/n I wouldn’t want you Interrogating my new girl” Mackenzie laughed.

“Well is there?” Charli asked with a grin and you shook your head as a ‘no’ but your facial expressions betrayed you.

“Who?!”

“What?!”

“I have to approve!”

“Aight everyone off her” Mary laughed before Steph quirked her eyebrow “you know” she stated and Mary shrugged “Well I’m the one who has to leave our room whenever she comes over” she groaned and you laughed from your spot.

“So does she follow you for all your matches?” Teagan asked and you nodded “you could say that”.

You laid on top of Kerstin, straddling her hips as you kissed down her neck “you know people are starting to catch on” you smiled, lifting your head up to press a kiss to her lips.

“So let them I don’t care” she mumbled “you’re just saying that cause you’re enjoying me right now.

“I have a pretty girl on top of me what else is there to ask for?”

“The FA cup?” You perked up as you both laughed.

“I’m just happy I finally got my own room this camp” you tutted “also my team knows I’m seeing someone but they don’t know who”

“Even Courtney?” Kerstin asked and you nodded. You saw hunger creep into your soon to be girlfriend’s eyes as you talked about your ex.

“I don’t like that your with her for the week” she said, her grip tightening on your hips.

“Then why don’t we show her that I’m taken” you smirked , leaning back down and kissing Kerstin.

You moaned in pleasure as she moved her lips down your neck, sucking hard on certain parts, knowing when to stop so they wouldn’t show up for your Matilda’s game.

You decided that you liked it when Kerstin was jealous.

You broke away as Both your hands went to the ends of your top, trying to take it off before knocking was heard at your door.

“Y/n!” Little Harper Gorrys voice yelled out as you rolled off Kerstin pulling your top back down “ow” you cursed and threw a blanket over Kerstins body who was silently laughing at your fall.

Opening the door you looked down to Harper who was smiling “you make weird noises in your sleep” she giggled and you nodded “where’s your mum?” You asked and she pointed down the hallway where you saw Katrina talking to Allanna who was on the phone.

“There you are Harps” Katrina smiled and walked over to you where Harper put her hands out for her “go to mama” you coed as Allanna got off the phone.

“Hey you and Kerstin are close yeah?” she asked and you nodded “yes” you nodded, panic laced in your voice as the said girl was hidden underneath a blanket metres away.

“Jill called said she’s not at the hotel they’re staying at” she said “oh” you mumbled, trying to look around your room to see if there was a clear body on your bed.

But a gasp was heard.

Katrina had her hand to her face and the running footsteps of both Kyra and Mary were heard as they went to your room.

“You have a hickey!”

“I know who you y/n is seeing!”

The mother daughter duo spoke at the same time as all eyes returned on you.

“Did your girlfriend follow you to Netherland for one game?” Alanna asked as Katrina laughed.

“That’s who you’re seeing?” She asked, putting the pieces together and you sheepishly nodded.

“Who?” Alanna asked, still confused as your nerves rose but a hand grabbed onto your back for comfort.

“Jeez Lani you’ve suffered one too many concussions in your life”

“KERSTIN!”

she latched onto your waist and placed her head on your shoulder “surprise?”

[books-in-media]

Beth Behrs, (Instagram, December 01, 2015)

—Off the Sidelines: Raise Your Voice, Change the World, Kirsten Gillibrand (2014)

—My Brilliant Friend, Elena Ferrante (2011)

—Pearls, Politics, and Power: How Women Can Win and Lead, Madeleine Kunin (2008)

—Thrive: The Third Metric to Redefining Success and Creating a Life of Well-Being, Wisdom, and Wonder, Mary Oliver (2014)

—Hard Choices, Hillary Rodham Clinton (2013)

[1-800-cr33py]

I know it didn’t win the poll but I humbly ask you to write that RZ! Micheal Myers size kink fanfiction whenever you have the time and if you are feeling up to it🙏

{this is so late and I sincerely apologize TvT}

Sedatives

Tags: Dub-Con, Size Kink, Rough Sex, Choking, Manhandling, Reader is mentions to be a nurse some time ago, blood, knives, overstimulation, Michael is a warning himself. a/: this will most likely be one out of 2 parts anon im so sorry TvT

Sweet thing you were, you’d give the shirt off your own back if someone in need called for it, so giving and so trusting to even the most hardened criminals. It was a wonder how someone like you graced the halls of Smith’s Grove Sanitarium. You, a star-eyed nurse fresh from medical school. The scum and slime that riddled the halls of the hellish “sanctuary” you’d been accepted into. You skip down the halls with your checklist and medicine cart in tow. You were kind. You were happy. You’d given patients who’d hadn’t seen the sun in years the same kindness as one would give to an old friend. But you favored one more than the others.

Michael fucking Myers.

Silent halls.

Odd shadows.

Creaking wheels.

The usual ambiance of Smith’s Grove had finally settled within your nerves after a long long few months. You, with your now worn in uniform, counted the rooms with an intent gaze. On the left, even numbers, and parallel to them were odds. Though it was a weird concept, there was a reason. Those on the left, the doctors deemed ‘safe’ and had the possibility of rehabilitation.

Inmates that resided on the right wing however, well you didn’t quite know if you’re being honest, you weren’t allowed to even breath the wing’s direction yet. But one digresses. Your low heels made a blunt click click click upon the cold floors as you neared your station, medicine cart in tow. Your manicured hand reached for your ID, ringing yourself in as the loud pang alerted you of the unlocked status of the door, which was shoved open by your hip as you passed a polite nod to security. Your trek was cut short however, your overseer tugging you aside with a rather harsh hand.

“ You’re the medicine girl right?”

medicine girl…right. Giving a curt nod he sighed, his breath reeking of cheap coffee and some kind of alcohol. His orders were short, clipped and rather rude. Though the next words he uttered left your mouth gaping like a fish out of water.

“ You’re doing both wards. Kirsten…had an incident. “

Fucking hell.

So now, here you were, approaching your last patient for the night. With security stalking behind you with scowls as they glared at patients through the tiny windows. You gulps, it was never patients that scared you, no. It was the sleazes that worked outside the cells. Their wolffish stares and ugly grins. You shook your head, you were approaching Michael’s cell.

You didn’t know much about him, only whispers of the monster, the brute that killed most of his family. A grade A killer, someone that should be locked away from society if not for Mr. Loomis’s need to study him like some kind of bug. But, you being you, wouldn’t let that stop you from being kind. That’s what irked you most about people here, these patients were still human at the end of the day. They still bled, they still died, they had interests and dislikes and personalities. You sighed, eying the dainty wrist watch. ‘ Just an hour and a half..’ you thought as some scum of a man unlocked the heavy metal door. Eying you as you motioned him to move aside.

“ Careful, he hasn’t seen such a young thing like you in a while…might finally remember he’s got a cock. “ the guard, who’s tag read Pierson, chuckled, elbowing his colleague. You could feel their gaze raking across your body, internally you gagged. Lurching forward was a far easier than you wanted to admit, medicines and needles clattering at the motion as the door slammed behind you, leaving you to jump.

Michael’s room was…interesting looking at it.

Buzzing overhead lights gave some relief as you tended to your cart, organizing the arrangement of pills and sedatives in their respective cup to serve to the inmate, who’s back was turned to you, fiddling with another mask that would surely find its way with the rest that perched upon the greening walls. Finally, you found the correct assortment. Smiling to yourself, you turned to face the mountain of a man.

“ Alright Mr.Myers, here’s your dailies! Dr. Loomis upped your sedatives so if you feel a bit off thats the cause! “ you chirped, leaving the cup a bit of a distance. Like you’d heard from the other nurses, Michael gave no indication of acknowledgment, hands stained with the glue-water mixture. The masks on the wall drew your attention, though you didn’t dare raise a hand to touch the precious things, knowing how it felt to have your art defiled by ignorant hands. “ You have a lovely night Mr. Myers! The mask are gorgeous as well! Truly a work of art. “ you smiled, warmth radiating from your aura.

Oh sweet thing. What have you done?

[necratmancy]

My mother’s best friend was recently diagnosed with a rare form of breast cancer and this place and the treatment is the best chance against it. But the costs are too high for them to handle and insurance of course, will only cover so much.

Kirsten is a truly wonderful person, an amazing artist, and just so immensely important to her family and friends. This diagnosis has been devastating for everyone and we all want to help her fight it as hard as possible.

[woniverse-writes]

"Moth to a Flame (part 6)"

Bada Lee x Reader

part 5 ⟵ part 6 ⟶ part 7

series masterlist

summary: y/n l/n is the youngest team member of Jam Republic, competing in the second season of Street Woman Fighter. she’s got the sweetest smile and the most vibrant personality, but she also may or may not be the biggest hothead on the show when it comes to defending her teammates. apparently that’s attractive to Bada Lee.

word count: 12k

warnings: swearing, angst, mentions of depression anxiety disorder, mentions of medication, not proofread, nothing i write is a reflection of anyone's true character and is a work of total fiction

It had been almost a week since the interim mission check. Almost a week since 1 million was estimated to place first. A week since Jam Republic began preparing themselves for elimination. A week since Bada and Y/n fought… a week since the two had last spoken.

After the screaming match between the two girls and y/n making her exit with a slam of team Bebe's dressing room door, the younger headed to her own dressing room bawling her eyes out. Her teammates didn't immediately question anything as she stormed in and began to aggressively pack up the few things she had brought back for the day. Audrey made her way over to place a gentle hand on her shoulder

"y/n-" but was immediately swatted away by the still-crying girl. y/n immediately turned around with regret written all over her face

"I'm so sorry- I didn't- I didn't mean to push you away" she sobbed with wide eyes, shaking her head, trying to convince her friend that she didn't mean it, but Audrey already knew that. Audrey knew Y/n.

"hey, hey! It's okay, I know you didn't mean to…" she comforted the girl, bringing her into a hug. This time the younger girl let her friend wrap her in a warm hug. She buried her face in Audrey's chest and bawled her eyes out until she felt too tired to carry on.

"Is something else bothering you lovey?" Kirsten asked gently from somewhere in the corner. Y/n looked up slightly confused, which is when she realized they had no idea what just happened. She began to cry all over again, this time just weeping exhaustedly. I don't even think you could call it crying- more so just her looking sad as tears freely ran down her face. It took her a few minutes before she could even begin to explain, but when she did it wasn’t any easier.

“I got into an argument with Bada… well- it was actually a really bad fight, and- and I totally fucked everything up” Poor girl could barely finish her sentence, as she hiccuped her way through it before she started sobbing and heaving again. Everyone in the room shared looks of shock and confusion, all rushing closer to comfort their youngest. Audrey already had her hand rubbing circles softly on Y/n’s back while Emma sat on the other side rubbing her shoulder, and the oldest three kneeled/sat in front of her.

“I’m so sorry my sweet girl… do you wanna tell us about it?” Kirsten being the wonderful leader and friend she is, did not hesitate one second before openly trying to comfort y/n. The youngest sniffled and hiccuped a bit more while trying to nod.

“Y-yeah, just give me a-a few minutes, p-please” y/n shakily pleaded as her sobs picked back up. After about ten minutes of crying, she was pretty sure there was nothing left in her. Latrice had gotten up to get her water a few minutes ago and now was forcing her to drink it seeing as y/n had been able to calm down.

“Take your time baby, you don’t have to tell us everything- you don’t even have to tell us anything if you don’t want to!�� Ling reassured her little bestie and made sure y/n still remembered how safe she was with Jam Republic.

“No, it’s okay- I want you guys to know… I just- I don’t even know where to start or how to retell this…or if I even have the energy to do so right now…” the youngest countered, wanting just to tell her members what happened and get it out of the way so she could begin suppressing it, but her eyes began to droop and her voice got soft, both being immediate signs of her exhaustion. And on any other day, or in any other situation her members would find it quite endearing, but they can’t help but feel crushed at the sight.

“Why don’t we finish packing- after the flight, you’ll have rested a bit, and if you’re feeling up to once we’ve landed you can explain the whole situation to us then. If not, that’s okay too.” Latrice gently spoke up, reminding everyone that they had a flight to leave for in just under an hour and a half. Y/n sniffled and nodded, slowly standing up. Everyone immediately backed away slightly to give her enough space, then watched as she lifelessly moved around the space, finishing packing her things. It sincerely shocked them to see her this way, thinking it was already pretty bad how she was acting before they showed up- and that was when they WEREN’T paying attention to her. Y/n was never good at hiding her feelings unless it was when she was dancing or performing- when she was putting on a show- so to see her so sluggish and empty really scared the five other members of Jam Republic.

“This is going to be a long, hard fucking week…” Emma noted, the others either nodding or tiredly humming in agreement.

________________

“Do you wanna talk about any of it?” Lusher tried her best not to pry- not that she would've had to pry much anyway since she heard the whole thing- but she wanted to hear how Bada was feeling with the aftermath. The leader just sighed deeply once again with her elbows resting on her knees, hunched over as she laid her head in her hands.

Bada felt nauseous. She felt dizzy, like the room was spinning and her ears were ringing. To be completely honest, there was a possibility she would pass out at any moment. None of what had just happened in the last- what? 20 minutes? Was it longer than that? Hell, was it shorter? Bada really had no clue, but none of what had happened in that time felt real to her.

“I don’t know Lusher…” the leader finally mumbled, still hunched over. It was quiet and meek, sounding exhausted. The sub-leader glanced around at her teammates whose faces were all some sort of variation of fear or anxiety, She sighed and crossed her arms before speaking up again

“Well, then how about we get some rest? Maybe afterward you’ll want to talk about it, or maybe you won’t- either way, we’ll be here…” She firmly stated, knowing how tired everyone was and how sleep easily played a role in how well they felt. The leader took a huge breath, her members watching had her shoulders rose and fell. Bada stood up with her head still hanging low. The other girls moved out of the way and watched as the oldest started groggily packing up her things and sat back down on the couch with an empty look when she finished.

“I’m ready when you guys are.”

____________

The first day back in New Zealand was just another segment added to the nightmare that Jam Republic has been living in these last few days. Y/n slept the whole plane ride but woke up with a very minor fever and headache. She just chalked it up to crying so much and getting so world up.

“I promise it’s fine Kirsten, I'm probably just dehydrated-” 

“Which still isn’t good! Even if that’s the case, it’s not something to treat lightly, y/n. And since I know you’re lying it’s even more serious to me… I need you to try your best to take care of yourself right now love, we need you.” she dragged the youngest over to some airport market and grabbed two waters and a bottle of juice. Kirsten glanced over her shoulder and saw eyeing up some snacks, but didn’t end up grabbing them. When the younger walked away to look at something else, the leader moved to grab whatever she was looking at. The bright colorful packaging with cute designs made her smile. It was obviously a very y/n-like treat- some sort of sweet gummies with a sour sugar coating. She grabbed two of them and got a savory snack as well, knowing how stubborn her youngest is and how hard on herself she can get.

When all of their luggage had been picked up, all six members of Jam Republic headed back to their hotel. y/n lay with her head against the cool glass of the window, not quite asleep but definitely not mentally present. Everyone was already worried from what had happened the previous day, but it seemed like something different was the issue now. Y/n didn’t only seem depressed anymore- she seemed physically ill.

By the time they arrived at their place, Emma was the first to offer y/n help, which she obviously declined. Yet Emma still took her heavier bags, and y/n didn’t even have the energy to complain. The older carried them up for her as she dragged behind the rest of the group. Audrey, noticing how out of it her best friend was, circled back around to meet y/n in the back of the clump

“You not feeling too good, bunny?” the slightly older brunette questioned with eyes full of concern, and a mouth of whatever candy bar she was munching on. Y/n actually felt herself smile a bit at how endearing her friend was. still, she sighed and nodded, which of course Audrey didn’t believe.

“I really don’t get why you feel like you have to lie about it…” the elder mumbled, kicking a rock while they walked. Great, now I made Audrey upset. y/n frowned and sighed deeply

“It’s just easier to deal with it by myself… it’s exhausting having to explain why I feel the way I do, especially when I don’t even understand it half the time… I wanna tell you guys, I promise I do, but it would drag the team down so much, Audrey…”

“Why do you say that? Because we’d have to take time to discuss what’s wrong? Because we’d have to stop working and focus on you for a second?”

“No Audrey it’s not-”

“Oh so then it’s because we care about you and we’d do anything for you in a heartbeat and you don’t wanna accept that you have people that sincerely love you? You don’t wanna accept that you really are a loveable amazing person who doesn’t deserve to be talked to or treated like that?” Audrey pointed off somewhere in the direction they had just come from, seething as she finished. this was the first time y/n had ever seen the girl as angry as she was, but she couldn’t help but feel confused

“How… how do you know what she said?” y/n tilted her head and awaited her friend’s response with said eyes. Audrey hesitated for a second, feeling like she’d said too much, but sighed and began speaking again

“Lusher told Latrice… well- Latrice and me. I still want to hear everything from you though- I want to know how you’re processing all this and how it felt for you because while she seemed neutral, there could just as easily be things Lusher left out in favor of Bada.” she quickly explained, hoping she hadn’t betrayed the other girl’s trust by getting the story from someone else first.

“Lusher didn’t seem… mad? Wait- how does she know? Did Bada really tell them everything already? I mean I guess that makes sense since-” her mumbled external pondering was cut off

“They heard everything…” the older of the two once again spoke hesitantly, unsure of how the other would react. y/n just glanced over, slightly dazed

“Huh?” Audrey let out a breath she didn’t even realize she was holding, then continued explaining.

“Lusher said their entire team was just around the corner while you guys were arguing, and they could hear everything…” she trailed off at the end, cringing slightly at how bad the entire situation was. Y/n sighed and closed her eyes, feeling another wave of headaches coming

“Great, now all of team Bebe hates me…”

“You don’t know that!” Audrey was simply trying to be her optimistic self, and she couldn’t help but giggle when the slightest bit of normal y/n showed through the depression when she gave her older friend an over-exaggerated deadpan look. The two finally reached their shared room and began unpacking the few things they had. After doing so, the girls all quickly washed up and got changed, then headed to practice.

Practice had gone well for the most part- the first half was reworking practically everything and adding more to make the choreography stand out more. The second half was just drilling everything until it was muscle memory, or at least close to it. Everyone could tell y/n wasn’t feeling well. It didn’t show in her dance, but definitely on her face as she looked miserable every time they finished.

“Why don’t you take a break hon-” Emma tried convincing her with a gentle hand on her shoulder, to which y/n loosely pushed it away

“Em, I’m fine” she whined and moaned, tired of having everyone baby her for the day. The older stood there for a moment before sighing and shaking her head, then walking off. The rest of the practice went the same, and everyone finished wrapping things up around 12:45 am. 

Later that evening (or morning rather) after practice had ended and all of Jam Republic had returned to their hotel, y/n started throwing up and her fever increased severely, ending her up in the ER at 2 am with Kirsten and Ling, the others being told to stay back and get some rest.

“After running some tests and talking with her, it just seems like a stress fever, which thankfully means there’s nothing physically wrong- well besides some dehydration, but we have her on an IV for right now- However, whatever is causing the girl so much stress should probably be taken out of her life immediately…” the doctor sternly informed the two oldest members of Jam Republic. They both just looked at each other, not really knowing what to do, seeing as their poor baby’s stress was unavoidable right now unless she were to completely drop from the challenge, and maybe even the entire competition as a whole.

“We’re actually a part of a competition right now… we want her to rest but- we need her to be able to compete with us. Is there anything we can do to speed up the recovery?” Ling spoke before her friend could, the desperate tone already taking over her voice. The doctor sighs and takes off his glasses.

“We could try putting her on an anti-anxiety medication to see if that helps… but it really would be the most ideal to let her rest as much as possible in a low-stress environment.”

“A low-stress environment isn’t really possible right now. And- she’s actually already on something for anxiety and depression, would she even be allowed to do that?” at Kirsten’s question the doctor looks slightly confused

“Has she not been taking the medication recently? Because when we ran the tests to see if there was something in her system, we found no traces of drugs, alcohol, or any substances…” The two dancers once again looked at each other, having a silent conversation.

“Would we be able to see her?” the leader asks softly, to which the doctor nods and leads them to y/n’s room. He opens the door and they find her lying there staring off into space, barely awake.

“Hey honey… is it alright if we come in?” Kirsten asked as softly as she could while still wanting the girl to hear her. Y/n nodded wordlessly and closed her eyes. The two oldest Jam Republic members came and sat near her hospital bed and after a few minutes of conversation with the doctor, it was just the three of them in the room. 

“Sweetheart…” the leader brushed some hair out of y/n’s face and watched as her eyes fluttered open

“Did you hear any of that?” She finished and furrowed her brows, unsure of how aware of her surroundings the younger was. Y/n shook her head and matched Kirsten’s expression

“They’re gonna keep you here overnight to make sure you get enough hydration before going back, okay?” She kept brushing away stray hairs and petting them down softly against y/n’s head, lulling her to sleep. There was a slight nod of understanding. Kirsten stood up and y/n quickly (as quickly as she could) reached out to grab her hand

“Please stay… at least one of you… can at least one of you please stay with me” the youngest pleaded in a pitiful whisper that made the older two’s hearts break all over again. This girl really was going to be the death of them all

“Of course honey, we’ll both stay” Ling reaches for her other hand pressing a motherly kiss to the back of it 

“I’m sorry… for slowing down the process and now dragging you guys into it… you should be getting good rest right now… not here with me… and here I am being selfish by asking you to stay… shocker…” It seemed like y/n was just mumbling whatever was coming to mind, yet tears were once again freely slipping down. Her eyes closed and wet eyelashes fluttered softly against her cheeks as she drifted off. The two sat there in slight shock, a bit taken aback by what she’d said. Both had wanted to say something and let her know how wrong she was- how while yes they should’ve been resting, it was more important to them that she was okay. After a few minutes of silence, Ling spoke up

“Why didn’t you tell her she can’t practice?”

“Because now is not the time to send her into a nervous breakdown… she’s barely even conscious, it’d probably give her a heart attack if I told her she wasn’t allowed to practice” the leader stressed and hung her head for a moment.

“We’re gonna have to ask her about her medication in the morning…” she sighed rubbing her forehead, causing Ling the groan softly so as not to disrupt the sleeping girl a few inches away

The next day Kirsten woke up first and told a half-asleep Ling she was going to grab breakfast for them. When she returned, it seemed the older had been awake for a bit and that y/n had just been waking up. The leader sat in the chair next to the hospital bed and handed everyone their food. y/n thanked her teammate quietly and they all began eating. After a few brief moments of silence and soft chewing, Kirsten spoke up

“So there are a few things we need to talk about…” she mentioned seriously, glancing up at y/n who was staring intensely at her food, but had stopped chewing for the moment.

“...like what?” the younger questioned and went back to cutting up her food to eat more.

“Like why you haven’t been telling us things… we need to know when you aren’t feeling well y/n or else we can’t help you-” Kirsten explained in a worried motherly tone but was quickly cut off 

“I don’t want you to have to help me-” the bedridden girl argued tiredly and sighed. There wasn’t any anger and she didn’t raise her voice in the slightest. She was just exhausted. 

“I should be able to take care of myself on my own. I’m an adult… i should start acting like one” y/n spoke everything loud and clear until the last phrase. She had mumbled the statement to herself, sinking back into her pillows and wallowing in pity again, but Ling and Kirsten both heard the self-deprecating callout. Every second that passed, the two eldest grew more and more worried about their youngest’s wellbeing 

“The doctors said they didn’t didn’t find any traces of anything in your system, which is good, but that also included your meds… did you forget to take them yesterday?” Ling questioned softly rubbing the back of the girl’s hand. Y/n once again goes completely silent, and avoids eye contact with an extremely guilty expression, which has both older members raising an eyebrow.

“Y/n… what’s up?” Kirsten pushed for a response, causing the younger dancer to sigh

“I haven’t been taking them regularly…” Y/n mumbled, fiddling with the blanket that laid over her lap, still avoiding eye contact.

“You haven’t been taking your meds???” “Y/n are you fucking kidding me? Since when?” both members started began outwardly stressing

“...since the second week of filming-”

“THAT WAS THREE AND A HALF MONTHS AGO-”

“Lingy, let’s not yell at her… I’m sure she had a reason…” Kirsten put a hand on her shoulder and the oldest sighed, they both turned expectantly to y/n, who felt immensely small in front of them for the first time in her entirety of knowing the two dancers.

“...they were making me tired” The youngest curled into her and cringed at the excuse, especially after seeing both women’s faces drop into disbelief.

“Are you serious right now?” Ling questioned with a deadpan expression her arms crossed. Y/n bit her lip and continued to play with her fingers.

“y/n…” Kirsten sighed as she closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose

“I started that new medication and it made it impossible for me to do anything! I was barely making it through those battles and the only thing keeping me going was the excitement and adrenaline-” The youngest tried to defend her reasoning but what cut off

“So you thought it was better to just take nothing? Why didn’t you say something to someone, or even just call your doctor and ask to go back-” This was the first time Kirsten even slightly raised her voice at y/n, and it wasn’t even at that point, but the small girl could feel the disappointment radiating off of her team leader, and she felt everything come crashing again.

“Because I didn’t want to go back to the other medication, it did nothing for me- I wouldn’t have switched in the first place if it worked!” she could feel herself getting worked up again, tears somehow still being able to form. She sighed and laid back in the hospital bed, actually crying this time instead of having tears judge freely fall down her face as she stared blankly.

“I know I shouldn’t have stopped taking them… but I just couldn’t do it. I thought I was doing fine…” y/n mumbled, wiping away tears and sniffling, feeling exhausted again.

“Y/n…” Kirsten started after taking a deep breath and hearing the younger girl’s hum of recognition 

“You can’t practice.”

“What…” barely came out as a whisper 

“You’re too stressed out right now, and your immune system is down… you aren’t eating or sleeping properly and you’re overworking yourself. You are literally killing yourself slowly… and for what? A stupid competition? Some girl?” she tried to keep her tone level and calm, but Kirsten couldn’t help the rise at the mention of the other team leader, hating her in that brief moment for being one of the reasons her poor baby was feeling this way

“If it’s so stupid Kirsten, then why are we here?” Y/n could feel herself getting frustrated again. This was exactly why no one took her seriously, because her team didn’t even take her seriously, or at least that’s what she thought. Kirsten let out what felt like the twelve hundredth sigh within the last 24 hours.

“They’re discharging you in about 20 minutes… you’re allowed to come to practice but it’s recommended that you don’t… the doctors said it’s best to keep you out of high-stress environments right now-“ 

“Yeah well, do they even know what’s going on?” so many things were happening in the moment. Y/n felt like she was going to combust and throw up and pass out all at once. She’d never spoken to Kirsten like this- fuck she’d never felt frustrated with Kirsten like this. 

“Yes y/n, we told them, and they still think it’s best for you to rest… at least for a little while” The leader’s tone was back to gentle, but it sounded just as tired as the younger girl’s. Y/n didn’t say anything as she sat in disbelief. The three sat in silence for the next few minutes until it was time for y/n to be discharged. She signed off on some documents and then the three were off. They decided to head back to the hotel first before meeting the others at the studio, wanting to change and all that since they’d all spent the night at the hospital in their pajamas. 

Y/n decided to stay back and get some more rest, finally giving in to her exhaustion. While they were glad she was taking their advice, Ling and Kirsten once again couldn’t help but feel their hearts hurt for their youngest members. It was always hard seeing each other go through tough times, but it usually never lasted this long or became this severe. It felt like there was nothing they could do to help her.

The youngest jam republic dancer napped and rested for about five hours after she had made her return to their hotel. After waking up she showered and got dressed and decided to head down to the studio. When y/n arrived she waved and greeted everyone politely with a gentle smile, shocking everyone at her appearance.

“I thought you weren’t coming today- you said you were gonna rest.” Kirsten separated herself from the group after telling them to keep practicing

“I did rest- but I couldn’t just sit there and do nothing… even if I don’t feel well I should still come and watch to make sure I’m not missing anything” y/n defended her case to the best of her ability, but Kirsten was always right

“No, if you don’t feel well you need to be resting and taking care of your body AND your brain” the leader retorted, teasingly poking the younger girl’s forehead at the end of her sentence to make a point. Y/n cracked the tiniest smile and even though it was barely there Kirsten was proud of herself for at least being able to do that much.

Y/n sat at the front and watched the practice for the remainder of the time, taking notes on everything she saw whether it be strengths or weaknesses, new ideas, or things she felt needed to be changed entirely. The girl was surprisingly calm and didn’t feel any stress while she was observing. That’s pretty much how the rest of that week’s practices went for Y/n until the last three days before filming. She had been begging Kirsten to allow her to get back to dancing and the leader actually almost caved a few times, desperate to perfect the routine, but still stayed strong and insisted she rested.

____________

It had been a week since the two had spoken. By now all the choreography was finished being created, taught, and perfected. The videos were all shot and edited and it was finally the day where all seven teams would present their work to everyone else and the judges. The day when another two crews would be put up for elimination, and once would go home. 

Everyone entered the arena one by one, each team taking their designated seat. It was always mindlessly interesting in these situations, where they’d all gather to watch something but not dance because the fashion choices were truly a show of each dancer’s honest character. Y/n looked as elegant as usual with her red, black, and ivory ensemble. She was doing surprisingly well at the moment, having more of an icy glare rather than the empty eyes of depression that had taken over her the last week or so. 

Y/n was doing surprisingly well until she wasn't. Jam Republic is seated by the time team Bebe passes by. y/n feels her heart rate pick up as they approach, all of them glancing at her, some glaring, but their leader acted as if she didn't even see the girl and walked right past them with an icy stare.

“Oh, now that’s just fucking mean” Ling scoffed and stared down the team as they took their seats. Everyone was obviously feeling on edge and very nervous about the results, but y/n still looked quite ill. She had recovered for the most part, but she suddenly felt like throwing up again at the interaction with Bebe. She's still so distraught from the fight with Bada a couple of days before, and now the youngest dancer is scared shitless that both of their teams are going to be up for elimination. As much as she wants to avoid the older girl right now, y/n wouldn't be able to live with herself if Bebe got sent home today…

y/n took a sharp breath, biting her lip trying to push back the sudden sting of tears already feeling the anxiety begin to gnaw away at her. Lusher noticed this right as the team took their seats and spoke over her shoulder to their leader. 

"you can't keep ignoring her…" the younger prompted after seeing the way Bada pretended y/n didn't exist when they passed by

"excuse me? Who are you to tell me what I can and can't do?" the leader coldly responded, eyeing the girl up and down. Tatter felt a shiver run down her spine at the interaction, already worried about the integrity of her team considering the rest of their practice time felt like a waste as well. She just sighed and tilted her head out of stress.

After the fight between Bada and Y/n happened, and they both went their separate ways alongside their teams, team Bebe began to fall apart. Bada read through the countless criticisms their routine had gotten and didn’t even know where to start. The stress was eating her alive and she tried her best not to let it show. Normally when things got bad, the Bebe leader would talk about it with Y/n, but that obviously wasn’t a possibility right now, which made everything so much worse. 

Practices became unbearable due to how irritable the leader had become, often losing patience easily when things didn’t work out how they were supposed to. Any time they’d go on break Bada would sit and rewatch whatever footage had been taken or reread the notes to see what was going wrong. The other six Bebe members sat off to the side getting water, all observing their oldest with immense concern. She still hadn’t opened up about the situation to them, honestly feeling too embarrassed, even though she knew they heard the entire thing. The guilt of it all was eating away at Bada and she didn’t want to admit that.

“She’s gonna have to share the burden with us at some point” Lusher sighed and pushed herself up off the floor, sauntering over to their crew leader and popping a squat next to her

“You haven’t had any water today…” the sub-leader observed while glancing at the taller girl

“You’re seriously keeping track of whether I do or don’t drink water?” it was supposed to come out in a joking manner, but Bada was serious, the sentence coming out flat and irritated. She didn’t look up from the sheets of paper she was looking over when she responded as well, completely focused on fixing the issue that she couldn’t seem to understand.

“Yeah I am- because you’ve stopped taking care of yourself and you won’t let anyone help you” Lusher snapped back, causing Bada to finally look up and meet her harsh gaze. The younger dancer’s arms were crossed and her brows were furrowed, making her look more like a pouty child than an angry adult, but still Bada could feel the frustration radiating off of her. She sighed and stood up, tall stature looming over Lusher for a second before she stood as well.

“Talk to me… this isn’t gonna work if you take everything on yourself” the shorter once again encouraged her teammate to share her troubles. Bada sighed and the two stared at each other for a moment before Lusher turned her head slightly to call out for Tatter. The blonde came bounding over with a somewhat nervous look on her face

“What’s up?” she asked

“You think you’d be able to run things by yourself for a bit?” Lusher questioned in return, causing Bada to cock her head a little, not entirely fond of the idea. But the way the youngest director confidently responds makes her feel a little better about it. The other responds with a quick ‘great’ and a smile, before dragging Bada out of the practice room and slightly down the hall to one of the small dancer lounges.

“Alright- let’s hear it.” Lusher claps her hands together as she sits on the couch and crosses one leg over the other. The leader lets out an amused scoff and shakes her head. She sits down on the other side of the couch and leans on the armrest.

“I just feel stressed about the routine… we’re taking a big risk with what we’re doing and I can’t help but wonder if it’s the right approach…” Lusher eyed her suspiciously, not fully believing the leader

“So it has nothing to do with Y/n?” she tilted her head and raised an eyebrow, the leader huffing at the question

“Well of course it has plenty to do with Y/n- we didn’t exactly leave off on good terms the last time we talked… it’s just more unnecessary added stress that I need to stop thinking about and move past.” Bada finished her reasoning in a reserved manner, looking away from the girl next to her

“Woah- wait- you think that’s really something you should just ignore??” Lusher was genuinely shocked, not used to her leader being so avoidant. Maybe it was her way of trying to remain relaxed and cool, but the younger dancer could see how terribly the whole situation was affecting her friend, and it definitely wasn’t something to just be left alone.

“Well, I have better things to worry about right now than some childish dancer who clearly can’t control her emotions” the shorter girl scoffed completely unamused 

“This is coming from the person who blew up on her just as easily- come on Bada, you’ve never been a hypocrite so don’t start now” She couldn’t help but laugh a little at how childish the leader was being without even realizing it 

“So you’re taking her side now?” Bada looked pretty offended, telling the other dancer just how serious she was with her question. Lusher sighed deeply

“I’m not taking anyone’s side, but you both were really shitty to each other… neither of you should’ve said the things you said- but by you saying how immature and emotional she is, you’re pretty much saying it all about yourself because you two had the same energy going on…” she tried to explain calmly, which resulted in another immature response from the leader

“I was simply matching her energy-” Bada pouted as she talked, and Lusher usually would’ve found it cute if it were any other situation

“Right, which by your definition was childish and irrational…” the leader scoffed and looked away, playing with her sleeve. There were a few moments of silence 

“You know she’s not doing well either…” the sub-leader spoke up after a while

“Yeah? And how would you know?” the taller girl mumbled, still not looking away from her sleeve, finding the loose string much more interesting than the conversation at this point

“Uhm, I asked her?” she posed it as a question, but it was meant in a sarcastic way, pointing out the obvious answer. Bada quickly snapped her head back up to finally look over at the younger girl

“Oh, so you’ve been talking to Y/n?” Lusher sighed again after seeing her friend’s irritated expression make a return

“Of course I have, she’s our friend- well she’s my friend, I don't know what she is to you” she responded softly and sincerely, yet mumbled the last part, causing the leader to scoff for probably the thirteenth time during this conversation

“C’mon Seoyoung, be serious right now- this isn’t the time for your silly little delusions-” Bada tried to joke slightly and steer her away from the door they were about to open

“No, you be serious Bada. you know damn well she’s more important to you than you’d like to admit. If I didn’t know any better I’d say you were practically in love with her.” the older of the two let out a laugh of disbelief at her teammate’s (accurate) accusation

“In love? With y/n? That hilarious Lusher- really funny actually. I’d love to know where your brain comes up with things like that.” her tone was low and sarcastic, becoming mean and condescending, similar to how it was the last time she spoke with Y/n

“Oh don’t fucking talk to me like that- you’re not gonna treat me like I’m an idiot because I know you better than that. Stop putting your insecurities onto the people who care most about you when they’re trying to help Bada” The room went silent and the older stood straight up in her place, eyes softening at the callout. It was strange to hear Lusher talk to her like that, or even hear her talk like that at all. Sure, the girl teased her a lot, but the two had never gotten into a serious back-and-forth argument like this. Bada thought at that moment that maybe she really could be the problem, seeing as how no one else had been getting into screaming matches like she had recently.

“I just don’t understand why she couldn’t just talk to me…” Bada mumbled sadly burying her head in her arms

“Because she was stressed out and hurt… I mean- if my girlfriend voted to eliminate my group, I would be hurt too-” Lusher tried easing the mood with some light teasing

“Seoyoung…” the older girl dramatically glared at her, but both knew the look held no real malice

“Okay my bad- sorry, but you get the point.” she rushed out in turn

“I do, but she said she understood…” the leader once again drifted off, focus going elsewhere

“Okay, and? She can understand your reason and still be upset about it. Especially since there were other things that were probably weighing down on her… you have to remember, we weren’t the only ones who voted to eliminate Jam Republic… EVERYONE voted for them… and since they had already been facing setbacks from the moment they got to New Zealand she was probably struggling a lot-” Lusher tried to help her understand, but Bada wasn’t having it

“yeah, she was struggling but I was too- you didn’t see me taking it out on her did you?” she tried to retort, but was met with Lusher’s immediate response

“but you did take it out on her! Just not immediately…” 

“Lusher you saw everything- you know how hard everything was for me-“ and it was true, lusher did see everything, just like she’s seeing it now. She witnessed one of her best friends completely lose her confidence and doubt all of her abilities while keeping it bottled up. But she was the only one who saw.

“Right, but she didn’t, Bada… How is she supposed to know that if you don’t tell her-”

“She didn’t tell me anything!” it felt like an argument was starting again. The older of the two truly not seeing the whole problem, or at least not recognizing her part in it

“Right, but you pushed her to talk about something she didn’t want to share with you- why? I don’t know- but that’s none of my business! YOU need to figure out what went wrong…” Lusher explained from the objective point of view

“I get that, but how is it fair for her to shut me out and then get bitchy with me, but when I do it in return that’s not okay?”

“Oh my god- Bada, it wasn’t okay for either of you to act that way! But your retaliating after pressuring y/n to talk about something she wasn’t ready to talk about seems like your own fault…you were so fucking mean to her Bada- like- the things you said were awful and absolutely not okay!” The younger of the two allowed her voice to increase, finally getting her point across. Lusher watched as Bada’s face softened again, feeling like she finally got through to her, even just a little bit.

“...I know” The older hung her head and covered her eyes, as Lusher sighed and sat down next to her, leaning her head on Bada’s shoulder.

“I know she treated you badly too, what she said wasn’t okay either- but it wasn’t charged like yours was” Bada scoffed and wiped her tears that she didn’t even realize had fallen

“yeah, and how do you know?” she shifted slightly to glance down at the younger girl, but Lusher just kept staring off into the space ahead of them

“Well- maybe at first it was a little bit… but at some point, she had already given up on fighting and just wanted to get out of there… believe me, Bada, she knows how bad she fucked up too…”

That week had been just as terrible for Team Bebe as it had been for Jam Republic. The last day before filming they ended up making drastic changes to really sell the concept, causing everyone to be exhausted the next day, but luckily they were all able to hold off until after filming had finished.

The team now sat in their designated area, everyone carrying a very negative intimidating intense energy, except Lusher who was just exhausted from still having to play the mediator at this point. After all teams have settled in and the production staff is ready to go, Kang Daniel begins recapping the mission for the audience members and announces the first concept shortly after. Deep n Dap’s video was shown first.

Y/n felt another wave of depression rush over her as she watched the video. It was so well organized and put together, and hearing how loud everyone else was cheering for the green team made her feel nauseous all over again. Yet the young dancer was able to preserve her face and not let her anxiety show, although she didn’t make a single sound or expression for the entire video. Once Deep n Dap’s score was revealed the entire team of Jam Republic began to get nervous seeing how high all three directors had scored.

Shortly after, it was Jam Republic’s turn. Kirsten had been asked about their rehearsal process and was only able to get a few words out before she started tearing up. The leader finally showed her tears, and Y/n hung her head holding her breath knowing she'd cry too if she didn't. When the score for Jam Republic’s leader was shown, y/n felt herself genuinely smile for the first time in three days.

Once the video started and everyone was cheering, y/n felt herself start to lighten up a little- but was also still frustrated at the circumstances- seeing as they all had no faith in Jam Republic and now here they are cheering for them. Witnessing how well the video turned out after all their trials and efforts, and how much everyone loved the individual parts really made Y/n feel so much better. It shocked everyone slightly that y/n wasn't showcased or highlighted at all, but they had no problem pointing her out since she still stood out due to her energy.

“Oh- Y/n didn’t have any highlights?” Redlic commented as the applause died down

“I guess they weren’t able to give her something with all the idea changes…” To be completely honest, Y/n didn’t want a highlight. When the crew began reworking their choreography and it came to the segment that had featured the youngest dancer, Y/n told Latrice to cut it. She was still not allowed to practice at the time and felt it was unfair to the other dancers and her team.

It actually made Bada feel really bad about herself- because, for the first time since meeting the girl, she was glad y/n wasn't in the spotlight. When the leader realized she was thinking this way it made her feel even worse about the situation, knowing how hard this all was on the younger girl, and she did nothing but make that worse for her. She felt conflicted the entire time watching the video- while she was mostly glad she didn’t have to watch Y/n be in the center of attention and was able to avoid accidentally reacting to how pretty she was; Bada was also annoyed that she wasn’t showcasing her talents like she normally did. Knowing how skilled the young dancer was, her presence alone probably would’ve guaranteed Jam Republic a win, so what reason was there for her not to be given her own part?

The other two scores were revealed and the team felt immense pride. However, any relief Y/n was feeling was ripped away just as quickly as it arrived. Daniel announced the 100-point deduction from Kirsten’s score due to them failing to meet the minimum amount of required dancers and y/n felt her stomach drop. The gasp she let out was followed by tears although she managed to push them back- she truly thought she was going to be sick. Y/n had to physically cover her mouth, to avoid letting out a sob or to stop herself from throwing up? She doesn’t even know. This poor girl is literally internally losing her shit and having a mental breakdown over the fact that they could lose to deep n dap.

Moments pass as Daniel re-explains the extra concept points that would be rewarded to the crew that executed the outdoor concept better according to the judges. When it was revealed that Jam Republic won the points Y/n burst into tears and covered her face with both hands as her shoulders shook with sobs. 

“Ahhh the baby” Amy whined in sympathy, pouting along with Redy and Lia

“She must’ve been so stressed” Waackxy pouted as she and her teammates nodded

“DON’T CRYYYYYY” Lusher was the only one from Bebe to shout out to her, the others kind of just side-eyeing her

“What? She still deserves comfort… she’s not a bad person, she just did a not good thing… I wouldn’t even call it a bad thing” The sub-leader sternly eyed up her teammates, then her leader, already tired of how they were acting.

"she cries too much" Bada was mumbling to herself but made sure to say it loud enough for the girl in front of her to hear. Lusher whipped around and pursed her lips, her nostrils flaring as she forced herself to take deep breaths

"For someone who got into an argument over immaturity, you're acting really childish." the younger of the two whispered calmly, but everyone could feel the rage simmering in her. She turned back around and her face immediately reverted back to one of pride for the pink team.

“Y/n, you were extremely ill during the second half of the rehearsal process-” Bada tilted her head, eyebrows furrowing in confusion and concern at Daniel’s words. She was sick? Is she okay now?

“How do you feel that impacted your overall performance?” the host questioned after Kirsten and Emma had finished giving their speeches. The youngest member sniffed and wiped her tears as she was handed the microphone, taking a deep breath before speaking

“Well…” she sighed and felt more tears coming

“It was extremely difficult for me personally, obviously… but I couldn’t help but feel like a burden to my team…” the youngest member let out a sob as she tried to finish her sentence. Audrey rubbed her back, comforting her friend.

“So I did my best to attentively take notes and help where I could, while actively reviewing the choreography until I was well enough to perfect it on my own…” Y/n was able to finish more stably after taking a few deep breaths and calming herself down. Daniel nodded and smiled sympathetically before thanking her and moving on.

“Wow… she taught herself everything in her own time and practiced it less than the others… and still looked that good???” NOB cocked her head, genuinely stunned by how dedicated and talented the youngest Jam Republic member was.

After 1 Million and Mannequeen’s videos were both shown and scores were revealed, announcing that 1 Million had taken the win, it was time to move on to the all-gender concept groups. Lady Bounce’s video was shown first, and they scored extremely well, seeing as it was well executed and had a lot of energy. The team had received a generally positive reaction during interim checks and also finished off strong with positive feedback from the judges. Both Bebe's and Y/n’s nerves were beginning to rise.

When it came time for Bebe’s video to play, everyone was interested to see what the team did with the feedback. Since Jam Republic was seemingly able to come back from near-elimination, the other crews were curious to see if Bebe would be able to do the same, or if they would simply take the other team’s place as the least impressive performance.

Right off the bat, Y/n was already distraught. The amount of partner work really threw her for a loop because it wasn’t like that before… and she literally thought she was gonna burst into tears again. She knew it was obviously just acting, but the young dancer still hated it and lowkey felt like it was a punishment, even though it clearly wasn’t. 

The entire time, she watched with a heavy heart. It was so good and she couldn’t even tell anyone how proud she was of them, especially Bada, so Y/n just there and silently let tears roll down her face the whole time. Her eyes were on Bada as soon as it ended. She of course didn’t look her way, but y/n continued to clap as hard as she could, knowing if she were to open her mouth and cheer she’d probably let out a sob

“It was just really good… I’m glad it turned out so well” she said wiping her tears and putting on a very fake smile trying her hardest to look happy and not utterly heartbroken, knowing how the camera picked up every reaction. Audrey once again patted her friend’s back and gave her a sympathetic smile. When Bebe’s score was shown everyone was shocked to see that it was lower than Lady Bounce’s- not by a ton, but still lower. Y/n felt her heart rate start to pick up, getting nervous at the thought of Bebe losing the whole challenge and ending in the elimination battle.

Bada started her speech well but only got about two words in before feeling a surge of emotions. She quickly recognized the hard work of her team and spoke on how she would continue to improve and grow as a director, before affirming it all with a nod and handing the microphone back over. Wolf’Lo’s performance followed, and Y/n wasn’t shocked at all when she continued to be unimpressed by the group’s work. However, despite her exhaustion and anxiety, the youngest Jam Republic member was still able to pull out an expressive reaction to the orange team scoring higher than Bebe.

“That’s fucking ridiculous…” Y/n glared at the screen, unable to hide her distaste. Emma snorted at the girl’s reaction

“Good to see you haven’t lost your judgment” the older girl teasingly smirked at her teammate who just smiled lightly and shook her head. Daniel moves on to announcing which of the three teams received the bonus points for executing their concept the best. Ladybounce took the win and y/n began to panic more seeing that Bebe came in last out of the three. When they showed the current rankings based on judges' scores, she was relieved Jam Republic wasn’t at risk for elimination, seeing Bebe in sixth place had her head spinning. She was really hoping the audience votes would keep her safe and boost Bebe in the ranks as well.

The host began announcing the final ranks for the mission, after adding in audience votes and views. 1 Million placed first, not surprising anyone, since their performance was practically flawless. Jam Republic was called for second place and all six of the members felt the tension leave their bodies, even though their safety was guaranteed by their win. Audrey put her arm around y/n and the girl was able to smile a little bit more at their victory, still not completely present in the moment due to how much of a nervous wreck she was for Bada and her team. Now that Y/n knew she was one hundred percent safe, she should’ve felt relieved, but no such feeling came.

While the other members debated who tied with Mannequeen for third between Ladybounce and Bebe, y/n just continued to lay with her head on Audrey’s shoulder, totally zoned out. Ladybounce won and the youngest jam member tensed up while applauding, not moving from her teammate's shoulder. When Bebe is announced as fifth it takes y/n a second to come out of her daze, and when she does she sits straight up and feels tears sting her eyes again. She’s able to hold them back as she applauds, finally feeling genuine relief knowing that the team is safe.

Bada was handed the mic to give her speech, and much like everyone else who had held the microphone at one point today, she began to tear up. Of course, all the natural stress and anxiety of the challenge and competition as a whole had gotten to her, but everything had hit so much harder since she wasn’t able to share any of it with Y/n. The leader felt tears rush faster, no matter how hard she tried to keep them back. After taking a few deep breaths and racing some encouraging pats on the back from her team, Bada was able to speak up

“I’m glad we always scored well in previous missions, but it was a lot of pressure going into this knowing how high the standards were for us…” the tall leader started off 

“It’s really all thanks to the members for keeping things going while i wasn’t at my best, so thank you. We’ll continue to keep showing great performances.” Bada finished with a firm not and grateful smile, evoking applause from the other teams. Deep n Dap and Wolf’Lo place in sixth and seventh by default, meaning they are the two teams up for elimination. Daniel announces that both teams are free to go prepare for the battles now and everyone disperses, heading back to their individual hideouts. Jam Republic is one of the last groups to head up to their room, along with Mannequeen, seeing as the two were hyping each other’s videos up.

“Oh shit- I think I left my phone down there…” Y/n sighed in annoyance after feeling around for her phone and not finding it

“Do you want me to come with you to check?” Emma offered, but the younger just shook her head

“No, it’s okay. I’ll meet you guys back in the room” she replied and the others nodded, then they both parted ways. Y/n went back down to the fight zone area, looking around Jam Republic’s seating for her phone, finally finding it next to the bleachers. As she heads back up and begins going down the hall, someone rounds the corner nearly bumping into her.

“Oh- I’m sorry” Y/n meekly whispers at the taller blonde, who at first was glaring down at her, but softened her gaze once she realized how terrible the girl looked. Even under all the stage makeup she had on, Y/n’s eyes were slightly sunken in and didn’t hold the same sparkle they usually did

“It’s fine…” Tatter somewhat dryly responded. Neither of them moved, both simply staring at each other for moments. The older of the two felt the urge to at least create some small talk between them, also harboring some guilty feelings for being cold toward the Jam Republic member.

“How have you been?” she crosses her arms and tries to sound relaxed, not wanting the other girl to feel uncomfortable. Y/n didn’t really know what to say, as she stood stuttering for a few moments, debating whether or not to answer truthfully

“well… I’ve definitely been better” is ultimately what she decides to say. Tatter frowns and her shoulders slump as she sighs

“I’m sorry…” y/n gives her a tight-lipped smile in return, hoping that would be the end, as the whole thing felt incredibly awkward. Yet the older sighed again and continued

“I’m actually sorry for some other things too… I’m sorry for not reaching out to check on you and for being so bitchy. I just saw how distraught Bada was after the whole situation between you two, and I didn’t even stop for a moment to think you could be doing worse… so I’m really sorry y/n” Tatter gently explained with genuine sorrow in her eyes. The other dancer was touched by the apology and a bit taken aback as well

“Thank you Tatter… I really appreciate it. These last few days have been miserable, especially since fighting with Bada… I understand you guys not wanting to talk to me or other things like that because I said some pretty terrible things-” the blonde cut her off with a scoff of a laugh

“Yeah well, you definitely weren’t the only one… I’d even argue that what Bada said was much worse” she strongly retorted, causing the younger girl to sigh and look down

“I know… but I kinda deserved it” Y/n quietly replied feeling her throat begin to close up at the memory

“Not really… I mean sure- you were being an annoying brat, and maybe a tiny bit selfish in the moment, definitely petty-” the other girl calmly argued

“Okay Tatter, was there a point you were trying to make?” the blonde laughed at her friend’s sarcasm, glad to see the slightest smile on the girl’s face, making it known that she wasn’t taking any of it personally

“What I’m trying to say is that even though you were having a rough moment, how Bada dealt with it was absolutely not the right way to go about it. Of course, you were both at fault, but she took it too far.” Tatter finished seriously with a small shake of her head. There was another moment of silence before she began speaking again, shifting the topic slightly

“I bet dealing with this didn’t make it any easier for you to get better, huh?” the older asked in regard to Y/n getting sick and having to continue working on the mission while trying to recover

“No, I actually think it’s part of the reason I got so sick… because I was so stressed out over everything already and that was like- my final straw” The two laughed softly at Y/n’s slightly dramatic statement. Tatter pouts playfully, yet feels genuine heartache for her two friends.

“Things will get better,  believe me… she misses you, she’s just so fucking stubborn” Tatter grimaced at the thought of her hard-headed leader and how she’s currently refusing to accept her guilt, causing the tiniest saddest smile to show on y/n’s face.

“I should probably get back to my group now…” the younger softly commented looking down somewhat sadly at her shoes. Tatter hugged her without hesitation and felt Y/n tense up at first, but the short girl quickly relaxed and wrapped her arms around the other in return. They said their goodbyes and right as the blonde watched Y/n turn the corner, she felt a tap on her shoulder and whipped around to see her own teammate.

“what took you so long?” Lusher questioned staring down at the still-empty water bottle the girl said she was going to fill up about 15 minutes ago. Tatter hesitated for a second before deciding it was better to just be honest

“...I was talking to Y/n” she watched as her older teammate’s eyes lit up slightly

“Oh? About?” Lusher curiously and somewhat suspiciously inquired, hoping it would be something good and not about how Tatter decided to beat the shit out of the other girl

“Nothing really, just checking in on her…” the two continued their conversation as they finally began heading back towards their hideout

“Oh, so you’re finally done glaring at her? Good!” the blonde laughed rolling her eyes at the older girl’s sarcasm

“Yeah… I apologized for being bitchy and then we talked a bit about how stressed she was and how it didn’t help when she got sick…” Lusher visibly relaxed at the younger dancer's truthful retelling of the conversation, feeling a bit more at peace knowing she wasn’t alone anymore in the “getting Bada to stop hating Y/n” battle

“I still can’t believe she got so worked up and stressed that she ended up in the hospital” Lusher nonchalantly replied, stopping Tatter in her tracks

“What??” the blonde exasperated, stuck a few steps behind behind the older dancer. Lusher looked around, confused for a moment until she remembered that she was the only one who knew

“Oh yeah, Y/n wound up in the hospital almost as soon as they got back to New Zealand. The doctors said she was so overworked and anxious that it was making her physically ill- that’s why she wasn’t allowed to practice or even be in the rehearsal space at time” Lusher briefly explained the whole situation to her teammate, who stood there with her jaw dropped

“How did you even find this out??” Tatter questioned, still baffled. Lusher’s face went from calm to somewhat guilty for a second

“Well… I had been trying to get in contact with Y/n to see how she was doing, but she wasn’t responding to any of my calls or texts. So I texted Latrice and she explained what was going on, and also made me aware that by texting her, I was lowkey stressing Y/n out more…” she finished with an embarrassed smile, knowing that she and Y/n were okay now and that she didn’t have to feel guilty about it anymore. Tatter scoffed in amusement, shaking her head as they both finally entered their team’s room.

“It took you two long enough!”

____________

After everyone had been given a break while Deep n Dap and Wolf’Lo prepared for their elimination battles, they all gathered in the arena for the show. The bright lights and cheers from the audience amped up the energy and had all the other teams extra hyped. 

The first battle was the “hidden battle”, where both teams went head to head as a whole group. Y/n wasn’t expecting more than what she’d usually seen from both groups, but it’s safe to say she was blown away by Deep n Dap’s performance. The song choice and usage of nunchucks really had her getting hyped up, and her normal, energetic self slowly coming back.

The battle to follow was between Chocol and Locker Zee. The young Jam Republic member was fired up, which meant some interesting comments were bound to leave her mouth before passing through her brain

“Bruh it’s so annoying how they’re suddenly so good… like- they were good before but this is AMAZING…” Her entire team side-eyed her, Kirsten and Latrice worried about the show airing what she just said, fearing she could get canceled; the other half trying not to laugh but internally agreed. When the third battle is about to begin and mini walks out and takes off her over shirt showing off her pink jersey, y/n gets excited and points with a smile, since the two are both pink lovers, of course causing her team to smile at her in endearment. When JJ walks out and does the same, y/n starts dying laughing, clapping her hands in amusement along with the rest of her crew. Once the battle starts Mini is the first to dance

“She’s like- actually scary” Y/n jokes around and hides behind Audrey, who laughs and continues to smile just because she’s happy her friend is able to joke around again. The fourth battle was the 5 on 5 and y/n was beginning to get tired of how good both teams were. It felt like things were never going to end, and she was honestly thinking neither team deserved to go home at this point. The fifth battle was another one-on-one with Baby Sleek and Locker Zee, which resulted in another win for Wolf’Lo, bringing the score to 3:2 in favor of Wolf’Lo.

For once, Y/n actually found herself rooting for Deep n Dap, probably because she couldn’t stand Wolf’Lo just as much, or possibly even worse. The sixth battle began, and it was between a duo from each team. Yeni Cho and Haechi came out for the orange team, while JJ and Locker Zee both came out for the green team. Y/n was once again bored by the older team’s presentation, genuinely excited to see what the Deep n Dap duo was about to whip up. 

When their music started and everyone recognized it was Michael Jackson, the energy in the room somehow increased even more. JJ and Locker Zee put on a flawless performance, executing each hit and accent perfectly, making sure to connect with each other and the audience. 

“BRO WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?????” “I DON’T KNOW BUT I NEED MORE OF IT” Audrey and Y/n are literally losing their shit while watching the performance, absolutely obsessed with the duo, hoping to see more of them in the future. As JJ and Locker Zee took the win, it tied up the score once again, bringing them to the final round, which ended up being between the two leaders. This was a battle Y/n was extremely curious about, already not a fan of Halo’s specific style and also aware of Mina Myoung’s incapability to freestyle. But when the music started, she was pleasantly surprised 

“WHAT THE FUCK WHY IS SHE EATING?????” Y/n is so baffled by Mina Myoung’s sudden ability to freestyle efficiently. Y/n stood there, fully back to her normal self (at least for the time being) holding onto her hair with her jaw dropped. To her, the improvement (call it that or desperation) was sickening- it was such a pleasant change that Y/n felt Mina deserved the win just for that alone.

However, the win goes to Halo, giving Wolf’Lo the overall gain of staying in the competition, meaning Deep n Dap was the next team to be eliminated. It’s a bit hard to watch, knowing they truly did try their best. Y/n was doing surprisingly well with not crying- well… until Mina started talking. The leader began her speech and the Jam Republic member was able to avoid tears until Mina brought up how she felt she was able to move on from 1 Million. After that, it was like the floodgates opened up. Don’t ask her why, but Y/n took that shit personally, like a shot straight to the heart. Especially when the Deep n Dap leader mentioned her relationship with Lia Kim, y/n felt her ache for them.

As all teams say their goodbyes to Deep and Dap and said team leaves the studio, filming ends for the day. Everyone is either standing around mingling or heading back to their own hideouts. Jam Republic continues their conversation with Mannequeen when Lusher comes bounding over and wraps her arms around y/n congratulating her, nearly scaring the life out of the small girl. When the younger turns around to see who it is, she once again bursts into tears and clings to her. Lusher feels her heart break even more for her friend yet can’t help but giggle softly at how cute the reaction was. Poor y/n was so scared that Lusher hated her too and it brought her the slightest bit of relief knowing that she didn't

Bada watched from where the rest of team Bebe sat in their designated spot, not even trying to hide her irritation at the situation. She was feeling a mix of annoyance (at both y/n and lusher) and watching the interaction once again sent a wave of guilt rushing through her.

"Ya know you can go congratulate her too…" Tatter spoke up from behind the leader. Bada looked over her shoulder at the blonde and scoffed, but it held no malice- she just sounded exhausted

"And why would I go do that?" the team leader looks over her shoulder with a cold stare and a slight look of disgust at the idea

"well for starters so you can stop getting into arguments with your own teammates-" She did have a point… Bada had been much more irritable since the argument, causing a lot of their practice time to be even more strictly ran

"and two, so you can stop making both her and yourself miserable" Ouch Tatter. Ouch.

“Weren’t you just glaring at her too when we walked in?” Bada rolled her eyes and pouted childishly crossing her arms, causing the other girl to snort and respond

“Yeah, but I talked to her in the hallway… she was in the hospital you know-” Tatter responded as if it were common knowledge or a quick throwaway fact about the girl

“What???” the leader’s eyes widened and she uncrossed her arms leaning forward to make sure she heard the girl correctly

“Yeah… got so worked up and anxious over everything she made herself sick apparently” Tatter shrugged, not having all the proper information. Bada sighed and rolled her eyes

“Seriously? Where‘d you even hear this from?” she pinched the bridge of her nose and closed her eyes, now fully recognizing and admitting to the guilt she’d been suppressing. Tatter hesitated for a second, debating whether or not to mention her small conversation with the girl they were talking about, ultimately deciding not to.

“Lusher” the blonde gave away her source matter-of-factly. Of course, she heard it from Lusher. Bada was beginning to think if she hadn’t made a move on Y/n first, Lusher would’ve easily swooped in and done so. But now that she and Y/n were fighting, did that mean Bada could potentially lose her to the other girl? Lusher was attentive and understanding, closer to Y/n’s age, and had been the first of team Bebe to interact with Y/n… plus she had been in contact with her after the whole incident. The leader tried not to worry about the irrational possibility of her own teammate stealing the girl she was pining after away from her… but it was still a lingering thought nonetheless.

notes: i needed this chapter to be as long as it was just so you guys didn't have to suffer as much in the next chapter🫶

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