Incorrect Quote Dump (1/?)
Warning, this post is so fucking long.
Thrill, writing in his diary: February twenty-eighth, 2020. Today I watched a crewmate fall and eat shit.
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Widow: GO TO BED!
Kit: NO!
Widow: JUST GO TO BED! IT'S TWO AM AND YOU CAN'T BE AWAKE THIS LATE IN THE ZONES!
Kit: WATCH ME!
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Ghoul: So you all fucked up pretty badly. Good luck finding new tires for this thing.
Kit: *scoff* I think the ones we have are fine for at least another fourty miles.
Ghoul: *pointing to the blown-out tires that have all but shredded off the rims* You fucking fubar'd the tires on this and you think it can go for another fourty miles!?
Toxin: *cackles*
Kit: You both shut up.
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Jet: Wait a minute.
Jet: Share...skill...
Jet: *inhales* AA-
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Poison: So what exactly do you and your little band of assholes do?
Kit: *looking at the chaos that is the Pistols* Tss...ooh...hard question...auh...?
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*after they find the Zone Four motel*
Kit: *enjoying a cold shower for the first time in a while*
Poison: *opens the door and walks in*
Kit: Who the fuck's there?
Poison: It's me, I have to piss.
Kit: Ok, you do that. Try anything and I'll shoot you though.
Poison: Whatever.
*silence*
Kit: Flush that toilet and I'll shoot you.
*silence*
*toilet flushes*
Kit: *is sprayed with boiling hot water* POISON-
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Thrill: I am your God now! Bring me your virgins!
Ghoul: What virgins? We're all sluts here.
Jet: Who's 'we'?
Ghoul: *points at Poison*
Poison: Hey!
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Kobra: So what are we doing out here exactly?
Poison: Kit wanted us to find something called the...
Poison: *takes off glove and looks at smudged writing on hand*
Poison: ‘ Hellements of Armony’.
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Toxin: *scurrying through The Zones* Squeedly-dee, stay out of the desert!
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Widow: So, ok, I go over to Poison's room. Here I was expecting their PC to have burned down because of all the decomposing moth carcasses in their CPU fan. But no. I was not that lucky.
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Kit: *drunk and draping herself into Kobra's arms* Oh doctor! What's the diagnosis?
Kobra: *sighing and playing along* You're horny for Poison...
Kit: Oh my! Horny for Poison, you say? Well, do you have a cure?
Kobra: *dropping her and walking away* Yeah, leaving me the fuck out of this.
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Poison: *obviously drunk* BATTERY CITY! CAN SUCK! MY! D-
Kobra: *slaps his hand over their mouth* And that's enough tequila for you.
Poison: *muffled* LET ME SPEAK!
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Widow: Thots on Val Velocity?
Poison: So Val has thots now.
Kit: Crawling all over him like weevils.
Jet: I think they're the Ultra Vs, actually.
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Widow: Why don't you listen to Cherri Cola's Poetry Corner and maybe you'll calm down.
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Poison: *is fucking dead*
Thrill:
Thrill: Wake up, piss boy.
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Toxin: Are you fucking stupid?
Kit: How long have you been friends with me?
Toxin: Three years?
Kit: Am I stupid, Tox?
Toxin: Maybe a little bit.
Kit: It's ok, you can call me an idiot.
Toxin: Yeah, you're a fucking dumbass.
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Widow: *after settling an argument* Court dismissed, bring in the dancing lobsters.
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Poison: Hold on.
Poison: *leaves the motel and stands outside*
Poison: *SCREAMS*
Kit:
Kit: I'm fucking that.
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Poison: FOR THE LAST TIME!
Poison: STOP CALLING ME 'PISS JACKET'!
Ghoul: IT SMELLS LIKE PISS!
Poison: IT'S COLOGNE!
Jet: Are you sure though?
Poison:
Ghoul:
Jet:
Poison: Fuck yourself.
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Kobra: Hey, Poison, check this out.
Poison: *fiddling with their raygun* Hang on, I'm busy.
Kobra: Hey, look at me.
Poison: Give me a second.
Kobra: I'm more important, give me attention.
Poison: I said give me a God damn second.
Kobra: I'm getting very upset.
Poison: I don't give a fuck how upset you are. I said give me a second.
Poison: *puts their raygun down* Hello, what is it?
Kobra: *points to his helmet upside down on top of his head* I can balance a helmet on my head.
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Poison: *standing in Kit's doorway* I'm sad, can I lay on your floor for a sec?
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Jet: *standing outside* Don't you come in this room, Korse, I will dust your ass.
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Thrill: Party Piss Jacket Peepee Pants Penishead Poison, will you please come here?
Poison: *>:(*
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Widow: Can I ask you something?
Kit: What's good?
Widow: Why are you such a whore?
Kit: Drive sidestreet and get dusted.
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Kit: *yelling into the other room* Jet! Jet Star!
Jet: *doesn't respond*
Kit: Destroya damnit.
Thrill: JETTY!
Jet: *looks up* What?
Kit: You wanna get food?
Jet: Huh?
Kit: Do you wanna obtain edible substances?
Jet: What?
Thrill: YOU WANT FOOD!?
Jet: Oh, yeah, I do!
Kit: Then come outside, there's an angel cake in the next Zone over!
Jet: Make me.
Thrill: SHUT THE FUCK UP AND GET FOOD!
Jet: Alright.
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Thrill: *flipping Kit off with both hands*
Kit: Thanks, Thrill! *:D*
Thrill: Fuck you! *:D*
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Ghoul: They broke it, they blew up the school, they own a trenchcoat, they have a gun-
Poison: This started about Diamond accidentally stepping on my headphones.
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Kobra: I overheard Poison yelling at Toxin about banana bread and something about 'I've made a shitload of banana bread, don't you dare put that much sugar in it, it'll be grainy as shit-'
Thrill: I think we should regulate humans...with guns...
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Toxin: Skibidefuck!
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Kobra: *takes off his helmet*
Toxin: He looks like a baby. He looks like a literal infant. I wanna caress his cheek and put him in a crib and sing him lullabies.
FF and MLP: Toxin, what the f u c k?
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Kobra: No one here is gonna make fun of you. Except he might.
Ghoul: Yeah, I might.
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Pony: *tries to create a sense of calm by lighting incense only to discover that the sticks were sparklers*
Widow: That's painfully on-brand, actually.
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The Girl: *whispering into walkie talkie* Poison, the Pistols are drinking beer, I need you to come pick me up-
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Ghoul: Hey Poison, do you think I can get this egg into that jar without it cracking?
Poison: No.
Ghoul: *throws it at Kobra* Guess you were right.
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Toxin: Dude, I thought you could do a kickflip.
Ghoul: I can! I can! I did one this morning!
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Val: Hey Vaya, do you have any gum?
Vaya: *spits their gum out at him*
Val: *blinks* Ok then- Vamos, do you have any gum?
Vamos: *spits their gum out at him*
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Kit: *walking into Ghoul's room* Hey Toxin, Ghoul- Oh, you guys are doing dress rehearsal. Shiny. Auh, I'm gonna go to Tommy Chow Mein's shop real quick, you guys need anything? Hair dye, Power Pup?
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Widow: *holding up a jack-o-lantern* I made a goblin, what'd you guys make?
Toxin: *holding her pumpkin turned into a bong* I made a kick-ass bong.
Widow: ...creative!
Diamond: *cutting a hole in theirs* I'm gonna fuck this pumpkin.
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Ghoul: *looking through a telescope* I love this Zone!
Widow and Kit: *play wrestling in the dirt*
Poison: Lemme see- *looks through telescope in the other direction*
Kobra and Toxin: *fucking on the hood of the M240*
Poison: Gorgeous.
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Diamond: *has been staring at the same ray gun for the past thirty minutes*
Tommy Chow Mein: Buy something or fuck off.
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Val: Hey guys. Good alternative recycling; when you're done with a glass bottle, eat it. Fucking eat the bottle.
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Kobra: *reading sign outside the shower* No shoes, no shirt, no pants, no socks, no underwear.
Kobra: Ok, I think I'm good. *gets in*
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Widow: Look at the buns on that guy.
Jet: *laying on the ground covered in burger buns*
Korse: This is the comedy police, the joke's too funny!
Widow: *holding her ray gun* I'M NOT GOING BACK TO THE ICEBOX-
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Jet: *while he's in tears* It's a mental break down...
Jet: *plays kazoo to the tune of Final Countdown*
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Dr. Death Defying: What'cha doing on the roof, Tommy?
Tommy Chow Mein: *on the roof of his shop* I lost a frisbee.
Dr. Death Defying: Are you smoking battery acid up there?
Tommy Chow Mein: ...yeah.
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Pony: Keep drinking, Val, don't be boring! God!
Pony: *to Diamond* I want him to fucking pass out so someone finally notices me.
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Poison: *wearing the Mousekat head while they’re standing in the empty hotel pool*
Thrill: What the fuck? There's a furry in the pool.
Poison: *raises their ray gun*
Thrill: AA-
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Ghoul: *sliding into the trans-AM* What's up, pussy?
Poison: How do you know what I ate yesterday?
Ghoul:
Poison:
Ghoul: Yeah, you right.
Poison: *starts the car* Mhm.
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Poison: *driving*
Diamond: *in the backseat* POISON!
Poison: Yep-? Yeah-??
Diamond: *pointing out the back window* LOOK!
*there's a car full of Draculoids on their tail*
Poison: OH! OH FUCK! floors it NO, NO, NO, NO! NO-
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Val: *lays on the floor* Ooh, I'm exhausted.
Thrill: Yeah, you're really sweaty.
Val: You should've seen the other guy- Girl- Your mom- What?
Thrill: What?
Val: What?
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Dr. Death Defying: *coming in at three AM over the radio* Stop it. Get some help.
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Jet: I'm gonna tell you what I don't do. I don't know shit, I don't get stuff, and I don't understand things.
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Thrill: So you'll do it?
Kit: Yeah, man, I'll dust him.
Thrill: For how much?
Kit: How about thirty?
Thrill: Thirty thousand carbons?
Kit: *spits out drink*
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Widow: Can you sing the song?
Dr. Death Defying: *singing* Shut the fuck and go to sleep-
Widow: Thanks *:>*
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Toxin: *wielding a water gun* Put the carbons in the bag, right now-
Tommy Chow Mein: That's a water gun.
Toxin: *throws it at him*
Tommy Chow Mein: Ow! Fine, asshole, just take it-
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Val: *walking out of the V's hideout* Last one out is a stupid idiot!
The V's: *have been standing outside for the past hour*
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*before they got with the Pistols*
Tommy Chow Mein: *over the loudspeaker* Would the owner of the lime green Honda please come to the front desk.
Diamond: *walking over* Are my lights on?
Tommy Chow Mein: No, I just wanted to see what you looked like. Your car's fucking ugly.
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Poison: You ready for the best night ever?
Widow: You mean sleepy time tea and a good night's sleep?
Poison: ...we're going to a Mad Gear concert.
Widow: ...I already made the tea.
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Dr. Death Defying: *over the loudspeaker* Attention shoppers, our store closes in ten fucking minutes. Get your shit and let's fucking go.
Tommy Chow Mein: *distantly* Hey, you don't fucking work here-
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Diamond: Pony is so annoying.
Pony: *outside the window of their room* I heard you were talking shit about me-
Diamond: WE ARE ON THE THIRD FLOOR-
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Toxin: 'Tommy Chow Mein' is short for 'Thomas Chowder Mainstreet'.
Tommy Chow Mein: Get the fuck out.
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Diamond: *a sand pup* What up? I'm Diamond, I'm nineteen, and I never fuckin' learned how to read.
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Ghoul: *looms over Diamond*
Diamond: *looks up from writing in a notebook*
Ghoul:
Diamond:
Ghoul:
Diamond:
Diamond: I'm writing porn, what the fuck do you want?
Ghoul: *loses it and fucks off*
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*at dinner*
Jet: Short-ass.
Poison: Cuck.
Jet: Fuck you.
Poison: No, fuck you.
Jet: Eat shit and live.
Poison: You look like you bite deodorant sticks.
Jet: *holds up bowl* I will cut your hair to look like this.
Poison: GHOUL, HE THREATENED ME-
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Val: *wild cackling* I GOT ANOTHER HEADSHOT! *cackling continues*
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Toxin: Oh Destroya. You don't think-
Ghoul: By the way it's looking, Tox, I'd say Val's a dirty...
Toxin: Oh Destroya-
Ghoul: Collectivizing...
Toxin: No-
Ghoul: Gemini.
Toxin: GEMINI! GEMINI!
Ghoul: Yeah, go get him, Toxin!
Toxin: REEEE- *runs in Val's direction*
*screaming*
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Toxin: *holding her pet possum* Yeah, and spray him down with that shit in the bottle there.
Kobra: *reading the label* For fleas and ticks, huh?
Ghoul: *starts laughing in the distance* I'm sorry, for a sec I thought you said 'fleas and piss'! *laughter continues*
Thrill: We could get some of that for Poison then! *laughs*
Toxin: *quietly* Party 'Piss Jacket' Poison.
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Diamond: *walking down to the kitchen* Fuck it, I'm hungry enough that I'll eat the stale cereal.
Jet: It's five AM, also that cereal is beyond fucking stale.
Diamond: *disappearing into the kitchen* I'll probably hate myself afterwards but, eh, am hungy.
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Widow: Kit, I think your dress rehearsal partner is gonna slap me.
Kit: ...I'm sorry? I can't really stop 'em.
Poison: *raises hand*
Widow: AA-
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Kobra: It's almost six in the morning. What the fuck?
Jet: Hi, almost six in the morning. I'm dead.
Kobra: *-_-*
Kobra: *0_0*
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*in the Nest*
Val: *sits down with a can of Power Pup*
Toxin: You happy?
Val: Mhm.
Toxin: Good. Your happiness distracts from the fact that I poisoned that Power Pup.
Val: Good. I don't like my foods unpoisoned.
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Vaya: *eating a piece of bread* This bread is, like, on the precipice of being stale.
Vamos: That sucks.
Vaya: Yeah.
Vamos: I wouldn't be too happy.
Vaya: Yeah, it's the worst snack I've had the misfortune of eating.
Vamos: Then stop?
Vaya: No, I hate myself and therefore I'm gonna finish it. Also Val would kick my ass if I wasted food.
Val: *from the next room* I would!
Vaya: See?
Vamos: Fine, finish your fuckin' bread.
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Thrill: You- You've been- Been- You've been- You've been hit with a distraction spell.
Thrill: *punches Val in the thigh*
Val: OW, YOU FUCKER-
Thrill: *gets up and runs*
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Val: *opens pack of fruit snacks with teeth*
Poison: *intense stare*
Val: ...what?
Poison: *points at fruit snacks*
Val: No. Mine.
Poison: I will fucking dismember you, give them to me.
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Ghoul: I don't see how you can sleep with that fucking blanket. I tried to once and it was so fucking hot. It also weighs more than me, probably.
Poison: *curled up in a blanket* It's not my fault you're cold-blooded.
Ghoul: *hisses*
Jet: What'd you say about the cold-blooded?
Poison: I was talking about Ghoul.
Jet: Ah.
Ghoul: Yeah, Jetty, you're friends with a reptilian.
Kobra: *quietly* You're not Leafy.
*the other three lose it*
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Poison: *slaps Kit's ass* Night!
Poison: *goes to their room*
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Kobra: *walking up to his room*
Widow: Why is it that whenever he walks on stairs, it sounds like the stairs are trying to eat him?
Kobra: *turns around and squints*
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Diamond: Eugh, this off-brand ramen tastes like ass.
Widow: Yeah, it really does.
Diamond: If it's not Better Living brand, it's not ramen.
Widow: That's what I told Thrill. Of course, I was ignored.
Kit: Thrill has small pea brain.
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Val: Fight me.
Ghoul: No.
Val: Fight me.
Ghoul: Diamond already tried to fight me in the kitchen, I don't wanna fight anybody else.
Val: Beat my ass.
Ghoul: I cannot.
Val: Why?
Ghoul:
Ghoul: I'm small.
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Toxin: Hey, I said Kobra was cute, I didn't say he was smart.
Kit: That...applies to me...
Kit: Why does that apply to me??
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Toxin: *licks Kobra's cheek*
Diamond: Don't lick that, you don't know where it's been!
Kobra: *>:(*
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Poison: I'm too sober to be having this conversation!
Toxin: No, we're having this conversation! What the fuck do you mean!?
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Val: I suck? I suck?? You died! You died! You just died and you’re saying I suck???
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