#I feel like I just wrote a freaking thesis

[slayerkitty]

@lurkingshan poked at me and said I should write out my thoughts about Tai in relation to being a middle child of divorced parents and why he’s acting the way he is. I can’t promise this is gonna be any kind of coherent, cause ya’ll, this episode hit me in feels I haven’t had since I was a kid, but I’ve cranked my BL OST playlist and I’m gonna give it a shot. 

So, first things first - I am a middle child (one older sister, one younger brother) of divorced parents. My parents divorced when I was pretty young (six-ish?). My mother remarried when I was eight, and she and my step-father divorced when I was sixteen. So when I say I relate so hard to Tai and how he processes...life, it’s kinda scary.  

Let’s back up though and talk about a couple of things that are gonna apply to Tai here that obviously wouldn’t in a normal situation like this as we aren’t all living in a soulmate AU. 

Like most, if not all soulmate AU’s, society has placed pressure and expectation on those who meet the criteria of the world they’re based in. That means from the moment Tai was old enough to understand language (as young as one-two, he probably understood that sometimes mom and dad can’t hear him when it rains) and by the time he was school age, I would assume that he knows and understands his parents can “hear” each other when it rains, and that means (says who? I mean really, who decided this?) that his parents are soulmates. This is something that is an inherent, ingrained part of their culture as well as their family dynamic. 

(Side note: I cannot remember if Tai said how young the hearing loss starts, just that I think at twenty, you would start to hear your “soulmate” when it rained)

So picture Tai, a middle child with three other siblings who craves attention and validation, finding out that of his siblings, he’s the only one who’s like his parents. There’s a post by @syrena-del-mar here who goes more in depth about the sibling’s birth order and what it means for each of their characters and personalities; middle child syndrome is a real thing (*points to self*). Tai having this connection with his parents when his other siblings didn’t would be so meaningful to him. I would even say it might make it more impactful. It’s also clearly made Tai put more intense expectations and beliefs onto his parents marriage as a result (as well as shaped his expectations and beliefs about his own future relationship with his “soulmate”). 

(Side note #2: before I launch into the next part, I just want to say that I’m not blaming or defending any characters. They all did/are doing what they think is best at the time. I don’t believe any one specific character’s behaviors are malicious. That doesn’t mean they made good decisions either, though. Just wanted to put that out there, lol.)

So, now that I’ve laid out some extremely wordy groundwork, let’s fast forward to Tai’s parents telling the kids about the divorce. Firstly, while I know that Tai’s parents wanted to tell all the kids together, I gotta say, your son’s twentieth birthday (you know, the son who has the same hearing loss/soulmate thing going on that they do) is probably not the best move. What that means is they’ve essentially taken a day that Tai is celebrated and supposed to feel special and ruined it. I don’t know any kid that wouldn’t be utterly crushed by news of their parents divorce on their birthday. Now magnify that with both the ingrained societal and familial expectations that are on the parent’s relationship, as well as the extra meaning Tai has placed on it because he also has hearing loss. 

Now that we’ve processed that agony (hahahaha no we haven’t lol and neither has Tai), let’s talk about what happens next. Tai immediately blames his mother for their splitting up and his father leaving. When that doesn’t garner a real response (his parents do not say much here and it’s so frustrating because if they’d just explain, I think they would have saved so much heartache, but like I said, they did the best they knew how at the time). 

(Side note #3: I have a sixteen year old son and he said something to me that was super profound about a family situation we had, that we hadn’t really filled him in on. He eventually came and asked me about it. I explained the situation to him and when I mentioned that we hadn’t told him about it because we didn’t want to him to worry, he countered with the following: “I’m not stupid. I knew something was going on; you guys not telling me about it only made me worry more and blow it out of proportion in my head. I was gonna worry about it either way, the not knowing made it worse.” Pretty sure this applies to Tai and his siblings.) 

Tai’s dad moves out, like right then, and when his son is literally chasing him down the street and screaming for him, keeps walking. Tai goes home, a sobbing mess, it rains, and he hears Patts for the first time. What does he do? He says silent. This moment, that afternoon, his parents divorce, and his father leaving have damaged Tai and his entire belief system. 

As the child of a mother who’s been divorced twice (and is advocate of divorce, because I believe that it’s more harmful to stay married if you don’t want to be/aren’t in love anymore/etc), let me tell you - divorce is traumatic. Especially when you don’t fully explain why to your children (of any age - it doesn’t matter that Tai and his siblings are all in their teens or older); a lot of children feel like it’s their fault, that their parents don’t love them anymore, that they’ve been abandoned by the parent that “leaves”, to name a few issues. 

Right then and there, the moment the rain starts and Patts speaks, Tai develops his coping mechanism. There’s been a lot of focus on Tai’s conflict avoidance, but to me, it’s more than that. Tai isn’t just avoiding conflict. He’s avoiding any and everything that could potentially hurt him. I like to picture him as a turtle, pulled up into his shell where nothing can get through. His relationship with his parents is rough (though it’s better with his dad than his mom because literally up to today’s episode, it’s clear he was still blaming her for the divorce and for remarrying. I wish we’d get more on why he blames her for the divorce so much). 

Tai’s relationship with his brothers (other than Tien) is... distant (for lack of a better word). Aside from the birthday flashback, we have not seen the four of them together in a scene until today’s episode. The one scene we did get of Tai and his older brother was brief and while his brother did give Patts a shovel talk, Tai and his brother didn’t come over all that close. I believe the reasons Tien is so close to Tai is actually more about Tien and less about Tai (but that’s a separate post) and is probably also because Tai and Tien went to live with their dad while the other two brothers stayed with their mom. 

Now picture this: you are Tai, poking out of your turtle shell for the first time in two years and letting yourself fall in love with your soulmate. Of course you want to do what ever you can to avoid anything bad happening to the relationship (running off instead of confronting Patts and Nara, lying to Patts about his “date” with Lomfon, refusing to answer Patts when they argued). In Tai’s mind, he’s saving himself from potential heartache. 

When Patts confronts Tai in the rain and later at the apartment, asking if Tai loves him, etc (which he is justified in asking), it’s literally the worst thing he could do. Patts shouldn’t have to ask; he should know. In Tai’s mind, he’s explained about his parents’ divorce and how much that affected him and Patts knows how upset he was because Patts is aka “the kind one”. Tai, not understanding why Patts doesn’t just know how Tai feels about him (those pesky beliefs about soulmates are ingrained even with a broken connection) is too much. Patts pushes too hard (probably because he was drunk) and in that moment, Tai’s worst most absolute fear comes true. 

He tells Patts they should break up and Patts agrees. The moment what he’s done hits him is staggering; his expression is one of terror. To Tai, in that moment, he has become his mother. Patts is his father, walking out with the suitcase and leaving Tai behind. What’s left then for Tai to do, but pull himself back into his shell? He can’t talk to Patts, he tried to stop Patts the moment the words “lets break up” left his mouth but it was too late. In Tai’s mind, Patts has to be the one to come to him because Tai tried to stop him from leaving, but Patts left anyway. He feels like Patts is done with him, so Tai going to Patts would just be opening himself up to more heartache. His self preservation instincts won’t let him. 

TL;DR: Tai’s (in)actions are a trauma response because he is a middle child of divorced soulmate parents. 

[leilakisakabiri]

request: Hi can you do where the reader is wearing Gavis hoodie and she accidentally stains it and starts freaking out. Thank uuu and i love ur writing

I Got You (Gavi)

Summary: You need Gavi to come help you after you get yourself into a bad situation.

Warning(s): None

A/N: Thank you so much for the request and for your support! Requests are open. Currently working on The Promises We Keep Pt 2. Also, guys if I haven't done your request yet, don't worry, it probably means it's gonna be a long one.

Word Count: 3.1k+

Masterlist

It was a Saturday night in Barcelona, and you were holed up in your room, feet tucked under you, a knitted blanket over your shoulders as you read over the words in front of you for the hundredth time.

While the city was alight with people getting drinks, dancing, and laughing, you silenced your phone, closed your blinds, and put your headphones on to quiet any outside noises. 

You had decided to stay in this weekend, caught up in writing an essay for your criminal law class that was worth 50% of your grade. Safe to say you did not take it lightly. You had been hunched over your computer for the last nine hours, brain numb and fingers aching as you had tried to come up with a thesis and strong argument for your essay. You had blocked out this weekend to finish the essay, letting everyone know ahead of time not to contact you unless it was an emergency, including Gavi. 

Gavi had been gone for the last couple of days, traveling around Europe for the last leg of La Liga, and he had been adamant about spending as much time with you as he could once he got back - before his summer schedule kicked off. However, that hope was quickly cut short when you informed him you most likely wouldn’t be able to see him at all this weekend due to you being stuck finishing your essay. 

Although he had tried to convince you to change your mind, bribing you with the idea of endless cuddles and then promising to be as silent as possible while you wrote when his first idea didn’t work, you relented, knowing that having him around would be a major distraction, one that you couldn’t afford. 

“I’m sorry Pablo I don’t think I can this weekend. What about Monday?” You asked hopefully. 

He sighed over the phone, his face pulling into a frown, “I can’t. We’re leaving Monday morning for France.”

You bit on your lip, feeling bad, “I’m sorry I just really need to focus this weekend.” 

He nodded, “I get it. It just sucks. I wanted to see you at least once before I’m gone again. But it’s fine – I’ll survive.” He replied dramatically. 

You grinned, “Well I’ll miss you Pablito.” 

“I already miss you.” 

The smile on your face only grew as your heart warmed at his words, “I’ll text you if anything changes. Have a great game, I’ll be watching.” 

He gave you a wink, “Damn gotta show off now that my girls watching.” 

You giggled at him, “Bye Pablo.” 

He mocked your tone playfully, “Bye Y/n.” 

That was last week, and now you were nose deep in your essay, textbooks scattered around you as you looked for possible quotes to strengthen your thesis. You had been so busy scanning the words on the page that you hadn’t noticed your phone buzzing non-stop next to you. 

Once you saw the glow of your phone screen curiosity got the better of you and you flipped it around seeing you had eight missed calls from your best friend. 

Your eyebrows knitted in confusion, it was almost two in the morning, she would for sure be at a club right now, happily dancing the night away with your friends, so why was she consistently calling you? 

The phone buzzed once again and this time you were quick to answer. 

“Hello, Gia, what’s going on?” 

Her voice was slurred on the other end, but you could sense the panic regardless, “Y/n? I don’t know where I am, I was with the others but then I went to the bathroom, and I then couldn’t find anyone anymore. And this guy won’t leave me alone-”

“Gia, where are you? I’ll come get you.” You cut off her rambling, already rushing to put on your shoes, essay long forgotten. 

She hiccupped, “I’m at Macarena. I’m sorry no one else answered.” 

“No, no problem at all. I’m coming right now, Gia. Don’t move. I’m glad you called.” You comforted her. 

The club was only a twenty-minute walk from your house, and seeing as you didn’t have a car or the time to wait for public transport, it was your best option. 

You cursed yourself for not answering sooner as you rushed to get your keys, grabbing a random hoodie on the way out. 

Although summer was beginning to creep into Barcelona, the nights were still chilly with cold winds rushing through the area. 

You sped through the streets, walking with purpose as you finally reached the club. You were severely underdressed for the club wearing a random hoodie and yoga pants. You saw the line for the club was still extremely long, wrapping around the corner and you knew you had no time to waste. 

You took a deep breath, mentally preparing yourself, you were never one to break any rules or ask for any special favors, but now seemed like a good time to start. 

You walked up to the club bouncer, ignoring the nasty look the guy at the front of the queue was sending you, “Excuse me. I need to get in right away, my friend is inside alone, and I need to help her.” 

You heard the guy next to you scoff. 

The bouncer looked at you unimpressed. “Sorry sweetheart. You want to get to her, you have to wait in line.” 

You relented, “Sir please, just look at my outfit,” you said gesturing to yourself, “clearly, I’m not here to party, I just need to get my friend and leave. You can even come with me!” 

He gave you an apprehensive look, taking in your appearance, “I can’t leave my post.” 

You groaned, “Fine, then can someone else escort me? I can literally call her right now. She’s not in the right head space.” 

He squinted his eyes at you, “You look familiar.” 

It finally clicked. This is where you had gone with Gavi and his team, celebrating after they had won a final a few weeks ago. They had treated you like royalty, blocking off a whole section just for you, the club owner even making an appearance to congratulate the team.

You didn’t like to use the fact that you were dating a well-known athlete as a way to get special privileges but if it meant helping your friend then you would do it. 

“Yeah, I was in VIP a few weeks ago. I know the owner, so please let me in.”

“What’s his name?” 

You racked your brain trying to think of that night, “Santiago. It was Santiago!” You replied, finally remembering. 

The bouncer gave you a once over before he finally nodded begrudgingly, “Fine – but be quick.” 

You heard the other people in line begin to argue but you quickly thanked the bouncer, rushing inside, not wanting to wait long enough for him to change his mind. 

God bless Gavi.

The place was packed, bodies pressed together so closely that you had to squeeze in between heavily making out couples and groups of friends to make your way to the middle. The strobe lights were going crazy, changing every few seconds to the beat of the music. There was a DJ booth twenty feet above the crowd playing EDM Spanish music and the crowd was going insane, chanting along. 

You hit your head on your forehead as you realized you forgot to ask her where she was. 

You pulled out your phone, letting out a breath of relief when she answered, “I’m here Gia. Where are you?” 

“I’m at- I said no, stop, I’m at the bar.” She huffed. You felt your anxiety rise, who was she talking to? 

“Ok, I’m coming.” 

You pushed through the throngs of people, finally spotting the bar, seeing her leaning against the counter, hands flying as she argued with someone. 

You walked towards them hearing the tail end of their conversation, a bad feeling in your stomach.

“Gia!” You yelled, coming to stand next to her. 

She gave you a relieved look, falling into you, the effort of standing up being too much. 

You caught her, hugging her back. 

“Oh wow – two for one. I got a buddy that would love you.” 

You steadied Gia looking up to see the guy she was talking with giving you a smirk. 

You held his gaze, annoyed, “No thanks. We’re leaving now.” 

You went to turn but he caught your wrist pulling you back, the drink in his hand sloshing,

“Woah, don’t go yet, the fun’s just getting started. Look my buddies are in VIP we can hook you up.” 

You yanked your hand away, giving him a disgusted look, “First don’t touch me. Second, we’re leaving.” 

“You’re not leaving.” He persisted. 

You raised an eyebrow, “Fucking watch me.” 

He reached for you again, but you were prepared, grabbing his hand, and flinging it off you, as you weaved into the crowd, ignoring his shouts. 

You let out a breath as you stepped outside of the club, grateful for the cold air after sweating through your hoodie in the packed club. 

You adjusted your hold on Gia, holding her waist as you started the trek back to your apartment. 

She stumbled over her steps as you walked, giggling, “Oh my god Y/n your bleeding!” 

You gave her a confused look, dragging her, “What?” 

She giggled again, reaching for your hoodie, “It’s coming from your stomach, look it’s red!” She pointed at your shirt. 

You looked down and you stopped in your tracks, breath hitching as you began to panic, “Oh shit Gia I’m wearing Gavi’s hoodie!” 

She stopped as well, letting go of you as she plopped onto the ground, staring up at you,

“So?” 

“So? He’s going to be so mad at me. That dick spilled his drink on me. This is a white hoodie – who knows if it will come out?” You stressed.

“It’s-" she hiccupped, “fine.” 

You shook your head, “No It’s not it’s his favorite hoodie, I didn’t even realize I was wearing it. Fuck, I have to clean as soon as we get home.” 

You started walking before you realized she wasn’t following you. 

“Gia?” 

You turned around to see her slumped against the sidewalk, eyes closed. 

You rushed to her side, shaking her, “Gia? Gia, are you okay?” 

She hummed, “I don’t feel so good.” 

“Can you walk? We’re almost halfway there.” You asked, helping her sit up so she was leaning against you. 

She groaned, “I’m going to throw up.” 

You looked around anxiously, unsure of what to do. You had left the main strip of clubs and restaurants, and were now on a back road, walking in an area that was dimly lit and that you weren’t too familiar with. 

“I can call an Uber.” 

You reached into your pocket, cursing yourself as you realized you had forgotten your wallet in the rush to get to the club. 

“Shit, I don’t have my wallet. Do you have yours?” 

“Antonio.” She groaned, leaning her head against your shoulder. 

You let out a huff, contemplating what to do. You attempted to get her to stand up once again, desperate to get out of the area, but she couldn’t stand, and you weren’t strong enough to carry her the rest of the way. You chewed on your lip debating a solution, but you didn’t want to do it unless it was the absolute, last, last resort. 

You spent the next five minutes calling all your friends, but no one answered. You groaned, frustrated, knowing you had run out of options. 

You heard your friend beginning to doze off and you shook her, “Gia stay awake.” 

She moaned, “Y/n I really don’t feel good. I don’t know what’s wrong.” 

Your finger hovered over the contact, and you finally pressed it, feeling the guilt build inside. 

It rang seven times before going to voicemail. You called back. 

On the third ring, the line finally connected, 

“Y/n? Why are you calling me so late?” Gavi’s voice was thick with sleep, his words murmured. 

Hearing his voice sent a pang of relief through you, and suddenly you didn’t feel so alone,

“Gavi I’m sorry. I really need your help.” 

He was up in an instant, wide awake, “What’s wrong?” 

“I’m stuck in the middle of the road with Gia. She got drunk and I went to get her but now I’m worried there’s something wrong. She can’t get up and we’re all alone. I don’t have any money. I called our friends, but no one answered, I-I didn’t know what to do.” You rushed out. 

You heard his breath accelerate on the other end of the line, “Ok don’t worry baby I’m coming. Send me your address, everything’s going to be okay. Just stay on the phone with me.” He reassured you. 

You nodded before realizing he couldn’t see you, “Thank you so much Gavi.”

You heard his car door open, “Anytime. If anything happens like this again you call me first, okay?” 

“Okay.” 

You stayed on the phone with him, rubbing Gia’s shoulder to comfort her, readjusting her whenever she began to doze off. 

Finally, you saw a familiar car pull onto the street, and you waved your hands, trying to get him to see you. 

The car made a quick turn and then Gavi was rushing out, a worried look on his face, 

“Oh thank god you’re okay. I was so worried.” 

“I’m so sorry for waking you. Thank you for coming.” 

“Y/n stop apologizing.” He said, helping you carry Gia to the car. 

Upon feeling that she was being lifted, her eyes shot open, “Y/n what’s going on?”

She glanced over to her left seeing Gavi before she turned to look at you, it took two seconds for her eyes to widen and then she was whipping her head back, “Gavi? The hell y-you doing here?” 

You giggled at her abruptness, “I had to call for help.” 

She turned to you, snuggling into your shoulder affectionately, “You’re the best Y/n. She was a rockstar today.” She spoke, as you both pushed her into the car. 

Gavi raised his eyebrow at you as you both got in, “A rockstar eh?” 

You rolled your eyes, “She’s just spewing nonsense.” 

Gia groaned in the back, hands clumsily coming to slap your shoulder, “Ehh don’t lie Y/n. You should have seen the way she talked to those guys – even I was scared.” 

You saw Gavi’s grip on the steering wheel tighten, his posture stiffened as he looked over at you,

“Guys? What guys?” 

You opened your mouth to reply but Gia beat you to it. 

“This one guy, he kept trying to get me to come with him, but then Y/n was like no way we’re leaving, and then he started hitting on her, but then he tried to grab her, and she karate chopped his hand! He was so embarrassed!” 

You felt yourself blushing at her recollection of events, “I did not karate chop his hand!” 

“Yes, you did. It was like in midair when he was talking about his friend that liked you, and then I blinked, and it was gone!”

“Did he try anything?” Gavi’s voice was hard, as he looked at you.

You shook your head, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder, “No don’t worry. We were fine.” 

You felt his body relax under your touch, and one of his hands came to grip your own, “You should have called me sooner. I’m sorry you had to deal with that asshole.” 

You felt your heart flutter at his words, “Don’t worry I handled it. But thank you, next time I will.” 

Soon you were pulling up to your apartment and hauling Gia up your steps. 

“I really wish we had an elevator right now.” Gia groaned as she was being half pulled, half carried up the steps. 

You made eye contact with Gavi after hearing her statement, and you had to bite your cheek not to laugh out loud, 

“You and me both G.”

Finally, you reached your apartment, and all let out a sigh of relief as she fell onto your bed, passing out almost immediately. 

You cringed as you saw her head land centimeters away from the sharp edge of one of your textbooks. 

You reached over, clearing the space so she was able to sleep without the risk of a concussion. 

You looked up once the area was cleaned to see Gavi looking at you intently, a weird expression on his face almost like he was stuck in his thoughts. 

“What? Is everything okay?” You asked unsure, looking down at yourself. 

That’s when you realized. 

You were still wearing his hoodie, the one that had a massive red stain on it now thanks to the jackass at the club. 

You had completely forgotten about it. 

You quickly apologized, “Gavi I’m so sorry. Gia called and I was so worried so I grabbed the first thing I could find – and then the guy kept grabbing me and had this drink – anyways,” you let out a huff, “I’m really really sorry, I can buy you a new one.” 

Gavi stared at you in surprise, shocked by your outburst, “Y/n relax. It’s okay.”

“I’m sorry I know how much you love this sweatshirt.” 

Gavi shook his head slightly smiling, you were just so adorable, and he physically couldn’t hold back the words he’d been dying to say any longer, “I love you more though, so it’s fine.” 

“Wha-what?” You stumbled over your words, clearly not expecting such a big revelation.

“I said I love you.” He said it with so much confidence, almost like he was reciting a fact, something that couldn’t be changed, and you melted a little at how sure he sounded. 

You didn’t know what to say, your brain still playing those three words on a loop. He loved you. He had said it first. 

The silence stretched on and now it was his turn to get nervous, “Is that okay?”

Your mouth was still open in shock, but you quickly recovered, 

“Yo-you love me?” Your voice cracked. 

“Well, yeah… why would I not?” He asked, eyes locked on yours.

You shook your head, a smile gracing your features as you took a step closer to him, “I love you too, and I’m sorry-”

He cut you off with a sweet kiss, pulling you closer into him, as he slid his hands under the sweatshirt, fingers gently squeezing the soft flesh of your hips. 

Your lips moved in sync and your hands went to play with his hair, gently tugging. 

You heard him let out a groan and you bit his bottom lip instinctively. 

He pulled away out of breath, a dazed look in his eyes, “Joder, you can ruin all my hoodies if this is how you apologize.” He muttered breathlessly. 

You rolled your eyes, smiling as he brought you back into him for another kiss. 

[vveakfish]

thinking abt this post (not adding a screenshot bc op [@mrpsychokiller] turned off reblogs and i wanna respect that) but like, idk it just got my brain moving.

i did my undergrad thesis on how sex and community in queer spaces can often go hand in hand & how kink can act as a vehicle for finding community within a subculture can in some (but not all) cases be Very sex centric.

And it was such a fucking trip to work on this project within the confines of Art School™ & realize that nearly every one of my professors wrote off the deeper meaning of my work because the images i was making were a lil kinky.

It created this really strange dichotomy within the feedback i got that semester.

My peers (namely the ones who were also queer freaks themselves) fucking Got It. we had in depth conversations about what it was that i was trying to say, and it was so great to have them around me while i worked myself to the bone on these prints.

but when i got critiques from my thesis advisor –and all the other professors in my program – it was like all they could see was the fact that i was depicting men who also happened to be sexy.

I remember about half way through the semester, when we did our like midterm review or whatever, there was very little talk about my technique, or if the images were effectively conveyed, or any of the other things my peers who were tackling less ‘risqué’ subject matter got feedback on. It was all about how the work was horny & bc of that they weren’t sure if it was ‘impactful enough’ to be thesis material.

“Okay, so u think they’re hot. Now what?”

And the thing that i found So interesting about this whole thing is that these prints weren’t even the most erotic work i’d done that year.

the last project i’d worked on the semester prior to thesis was a series of four paintings of porn stills. Dick, Balls, AND Hole all lovingly rendered in oils.

So when it came time to figure out what i wanted to do for thesis, i considered going in that same direction. But in the end, i decided the point of the project wasn’t the Raunch factor. So, i chose to pare back the sex so that my message wouldn’t get lost in it.

And Yet, there i was, standing in front of a room full of str8 ppl who couldn’t look past the suggestiveness of a twunk bound in shabari, or a big chested bear in a leather jacket, or a drag queen dancing in sexy lace up heels for long enough to even consider that maybe the work Wasn’t just about that.

The thing i realized (only at the end of the semester in trying to work through my feelings on all of this as i wrote out my thesis paper) was that outside of my peers, none of the people who had a chance to view my work and engage with it before it was complete did so in good faith. They decided that my work was intellectually worth less because it could be read as horny.

And like, ignoring the fact that i wasn’t making these images for sexual gratification, it shouldnt have MATTERED if i were !!!

These professors spent four years talking about how our work should evoke feeling in people, and that we should keep that in mind while composing our images etc. etc. etc.

but as soon as they thought the reaction the work might have been evoking was Horny™ it wasn’t deep enough.

I don’t really have a conclusion to this post, other than to say i fucking agree with the sentiment of the one i linked at the top. Fetish, kink, or sex should not detract from a work of art. And the fact that it does is a disservice not just to the artists who enjoy working on that kind of subject matter, but also the audience.

If your first response when seeing a work of art and learning that it Might have some element of sex involved in it is to deem it wrong, or shallow, or gross, you’re robbing yourself of the opportunity to engage with the work in a meaningful way.

and this is not to say “everyone should look at fetish art, idc if it icks you, get over it!!”

all i ask is that you investigate why it evokes such a strong reaction in you. Is your discomfort actually about the image itself? or is there something else going on. Sit with it for a second.

and since i wrote all this out and talked about my thesis, i might as well link the essay here. I’m still really proud of this project, and i have the prints embedded within the essay, so check it out if you have the chance!

[probablynottola]

20 Questions For Fic Writers

Tagged by @beckstraordinary

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

9 completed works, some of them multichapter but nothing tooo long. one series.

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

More than my actual thesis... that i should have been writing... for my actual work... (almost 85k)

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Ted Lasso and Tedpendent specifically! But I am a multishipper, so you'll find some TrentBeard in there and some TrentRoy too.

I'd love to write for Midnight Mass but I'm scared of how to write all the religious talk. I thought about writing for OFMD and BBC Ghosts but sort of didn't find the inspiration. There's something about TedTrent that just has that sort of grip on my brain I guess!

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

So... Michelle’s Bisexual Bureau of Investigation seems to be the most liked. I mean, it's basically about Trent being a gay disaster on social media so I think many of us out there can relate (it's actually largely based on something I personally did). It was fun to write and I can sort of see why it's a fun read.

Second, third and fourth place we have 🪄The Smut Fics🪄. It's all private on ao3, so you'll need a profile to access them cause, well.

Fifth place we have Bicycle Day Surprisingly Not About Cycling, which is about divorced dads with a mutual crush doing LSD together. 😇 It was so hard to write but I had one (1) idea and had to stick with it!! Also it was for a challenge so I was extra determined to get it out of my system.

Ironically (in the Alanis sense of the term) some of my personal favourites have the least kudos.

5. Do you respond to comments?

Yes! I love recieving comments and I wanna let people know I really appreciate them. Also, I love commenting on fics and treat the comment section on ao3 as a sort of community-building place. People have been so nice and lovely in the comment sections, it's amazing, really.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

The ending is not angsty, cause I like to give some happiness to my fictional babes, but this one is sort of angsty and has the least explicit happy ending: Can you still edit a written book?. It's about Beard and Trent being sad and miserable about Ted leaving and hooking up about it. I also wrote a short sequel here: A different pace. This is a wip series and it's the most emo / earnest i got with fic writing. I don't mind it tho!

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Inside of me there are two wolves. One wants to make a sex joke out of the question and thus recommending smut, the other wants to link a wholesome future fic written from the Crimmlet's pov. The duality of humankind.

All of my fics have happy endings, so I'll re-interpret the question and I'll link A very special Crimmlet Diary entry for Coming Out day because it has a glimpse on a very cute and happy family future for Ted and Trent together.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Only from my own brain when I feel down about my writing! 🙃

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

YES. I. DO.

More open than the jar of peanut butter on my kitchen counter is a multi-chapter multishipping madness of a fic I thought about orphaning many times and which I keep as a testament of my own progress in writing fics. I am still grateful for having had some help with beta-reading it but it's just such a mess and very self-indulgent. There's some fun sexy parts including potentially problematic dirty talk, public sex, platonically holding your hands with your bff while you both get head... Ops.

I also wrote an alternative chapter for it which became a one shot, called Cowboys are secretly frequently fond of each other, which is about Trent getting horny over Ted singing karaoke.

But I think the only one I really like it's You’re an angel I’m a dog (Or you're a dog and I'm your man). It's a nasty (you've been warned!) PWP pup play fic. I just think those men deserve to be freaks once in a while. I debated over publishing this as anon but my lack of shame won.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

No... but I do think Trent deserves boyfriends from every corner of the multiverse.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

No, don't think so.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

No.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No, but I'd love to. My DMs are open!

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

💙Ted and Trent💙. Truly a perfect ship. My losers. I love them.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

The Midnight Mass AU that lives rent free in my head and that most likely will never see the light of day (...wink wink, pun intended).

16. What are your writing strengths?

I don't know! I think I can be quite funny. And sometimes poetic, even accidentally so, in the way non-native speakers sometimes can be, using language in a different way. I think I can also write pining quite well (gay water sign talent).

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I hate, HATE, writing dialogue. I am terrified of it. I am afraid it will sound fake or artificial. I also feel insecure about English not being my first language and it showing in fics, in them sounding weird somehow. Not seeing mistakes etc. But I also lack the impulse control needed to wait for fics to be beat read and I sometimes just post the second is done. Which. Not ideal.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

The bane of my existence. Hell on earth. Help. (I willfully misinterpret this question and answer implying that all dialogue is in another language for me).

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Somewhere, on EFP (Italian fanfic site) there are some original works of mine from AGES AGO, and even (if memory doesn't fail me) some Harry Potter wips that I hope are long gone, since fuck that TERF and her work.

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

Probably the last one I wrote for the AFC Richmond discord server bingo challenge. To love flowing in different directions. it's about queer chosen family and love. It has puns about sex toys, drunken confessions, fantastic wing man action, lots of mutual pining. It was fun to write!

No pressure tags: @bookqueen101 @leeofthestone @thistableforone @rootingfordorks @crimmcakes @carduelisfinch @tinylilemrys @jamiepoptart

[cherienymphe]

I hope you’re prepared for an absolute thesis of a review…

I have never read nearly 10K words faster in my life. I wanna start out by saying that I went into this blind. I didn’t want to know anything, I wanted his identity and looks to be a surprise. That’s how much I trust you. And you delivered, no shocker there! The fic was actually so interesting from beginning to end. I love when stories start almost mundane, so unassuming and it really made me feel like I was actually that girl. I moved to Rhode Island and somehow found trouble immediately, and I don’t mean my car breaking down😭 But I just loved the premise so much. He does her a favor and the reader feels indebted. So she allows him solace, not knowing that he definitely was feeling more than friendly towards her, probably from the start. But I think his desire for her was cemented by her caring for him and letting him escape to her house. Her final nail in the sexy coffin was her cleaning his cuts. Even though she was reluctant, she showed great care towards him and is clearly comfortable around him, despite his occupation.

I always notice and enjoy how much you change the dialogue and sentence structure to match your stories. This one reminds me of your Killmonger fics a little bit because the writing style came off as casual and laidback. But then when you’re writing a period piece, the style matches the time period. I hope this comes off as the compliment that it is. I just mean that you make the reader feel like they’re in each story because the tone and wording always match the setting.

But back to the good stuff. I just knew he was fighting over the reader as soon as he got cagey about the answer. And that’s almost his fault because he shouldn’t have made his claim so obvious hehe. I love it though. She really was the last to know because all the other men around surely did. Especially when his friend hopped out the car like, “this the gf?” I died because she was oblivious but everyone else was in on the gag. If she didn’t have her blockers up to him in that way then it would’ve been clear to her too. No man is buying you a car just to be nice. And he came immediately to her rescue when her car gave out. That man is into her! But she didn’t want to be involved that way so she brushed a lot off. Him laughing at me all the time would’ve pissed me off a bit because what’s so funny? I wanna be in on the joke too! Little did she know, the joke was her not knowing that was her man.

You can tell that she was always feeling him though. She was always going over where he had touched her and thinking way too hard about it. And the way you wrote him was so sexy. He stayed looming over her head and staring her down. Him and Rafe would probably be buds with the way they stalk their prey and hunt them down. And waiting! He waited a freaking year for her to come to her own realizations and then lost his patience. But I love when a man is committed enough to wait, because he knew he had a claim on her, there was no rush. Everything was so hot, especially him breaking her handle off just to get in. That man is all in her life.

Him proving that she’s his was just golden. The way his thrusts were rough but his kisses were soft just made me melt. And his dang laughing again when he was just reminiscing over the reader not knowing her place was funny. He said oh babe, you’re about eleven months behind.

In conclusion, definitely worth the copay and you edging us for so long about this man. So if you all like debauchery and are a little morally grey when it comes to the law, run don’t walk to read this fic!

It's actually so funny bc he for sure showed up to her house that night with the sole desire to see how she could handle that life. He was testing her and she passed the test and her fate was kind of sealed then and yes about the dialogue! I like to transport y'all to the world/setting so I like to make the conversations and language authentic as possible.

"What's so funny" is sending me bc no literally...what's so funny 😭 everyone knew but her and I suspect that even if she'd clocked him earlier and tried to stop it before it started, her fate would've stayed the same. Reader was definitely into him but her whole thing was that she can't get involved with all of that but 🤷🏾‍♀️

I'm glad you enjoyed it so much!

[merrinpippy]

thoughts on malevolent "the king" that i wrote down while listening to it on my commute

arthur is so gullible lmao "faroe might be here because of this music box even though I KNOW many entities have already and will try again to use her to trick me" hon cmon

rip arthur lester you would have loved star trek deep space nine season 1 episode 1 and more specifically "no. it's not linear"

love this new freak. he called arthur "my love" therefore i am instantly on board with him. me too babe. wonder if by choices he means the out of universe patreon polls?? he makes references to things from different time periods and seems to have some control over the (out of universe?) sound effects soooo

also v curious as to what this thing is in arthur that supposedly makes him so special. i hadn't gotten the vibe before this that there was anything significant about arthur, i mean not in a chosen-one way

arthur is so certain that john will win between them- so all of his "this is MY body"s aren't actually egotism or selfishness but defensive lashing out in response to the powerlessness he feels because in arthur's pov, if push comes to shove, the body ISN'T his, it's john's

oh john's "NEVER" ugh so good. i love devotion

poor lily. poor john.

ARTHUR ADMITS TO LOVING JOHN????? WHAT i'm only 20 eps in how much gayer can they get?? (i know i'm wearing shipping goggles but i am capable of seeing this without them too- it's a really interesting character moment for arthur to admit this. i'll need to come back to it later)

arthur's 'yah's are so good btw

aw John being protective of arthurrrr i love it when arthur and john are separate and clawing to get back to each other

it's interesting that arthur is heartwrenchingly truthful to both kayne (yes i did look up this spelling) and the king in this episode, despite intimate knowledge of how those truths can be twisted against him. it's also interesting that these are not truths he's spoken to john first, actually they're the opposites of vitriol he's sent johns way previously.

it's a pattern of behaviour that arthur will feel helpless against a particular truth and then posture viciously in the opposite direction, whether that be in what he says to john or what he chooses to do, where he chooses to go, etc- like going to the city, smashing the bottle that 'frank' wanted him to drink and so on

really love the conversation with the king and how arthur acknowledges his and john's monstrous acts and yet chooses to believe in them anyway. malevolent's thesis statement right there. i'm getting the vibe of it may have all been for nothing but our choices mattered because we made them.

finally the arthur self throat slitting i'd been spoiled for! even having been spoiled for it, it's a fantastic moment, and i actually disagree with the person who mentioned it in the tags of my previous post- they seemed to interpret it as a suicidal impulse of arthur's but i think arthur has proven repeatedly that he isn't suicidal, or at least if he is he's fighting that urge tooth and nail.

actually arthur has been so desperate to live this whole time, clinging to life at every step even just in order to spite the king. meanwhile john wants so desperately to change and not be like the king, to be his own person with free will- you could argue this is his chief want- yet they both throw these things away instantly when the other is in true peril.

deeply fucked up to separate the pair. extremely excited to see where the hell this goes.

[souryogurt64]

i am just curious why did you hated writing it? was it exhaustive to look back and see what happened or just you didn’t enjoy it. also merry christmas btw

I was not sure what I wanted to do with this going into it but I knew I wanted to do something. The initial writing stage was very difficult, I think I wrote like 5,000 words in two hours straight or something ridiculous like that while crying continuously because I was just vomit-venting and it was very difficult for me to talk about and thinking about it at all ruined my week. 

Then because it had such an effect on me I put it away for a bit until I heard they were playing shows again and then I decided I wanted to do something with it.

Anyway usually I have like a thesis (i.e., "Pete and Ryan lied about how they met") that I'm trying to prove, but with this I was not sure exactly what I wanted except to go into why this happened the way it did and why during like the span of a week everyone went ballistic on this specific label. 

At risk of sounding like a pretentious cunt I feel like a lot of think pieces about allegations or whatever veer into this really inappropriate and invasive territory where people project themselves onto “famous” relationships like it is factual. But I still felt like I had a lot to say about this through a feminist lens but wanted to stay away from talking extensively about relationships I did not experience. 

So I went back through what I wrote and I definitely saw something, and there were also a couple pieces I wrote about the Orwells and the Buttertones years ago when this was a paper zine at my college  that I wanted to work in. 

The thesis ended up being really complicated because it’s more of a personal thing than a research essay. I talk about the fetishization of 50s gender roles in surf rock and how SWMRS positioned themselves as an oasis of feminism in this when they were not as benevolent and woke as they seemed. Then, as time progressed, these bands were all blowing it commercially and interpersonally; SWMRS’ base in particular were souring on them pretty hard, and the bands behavior had led to it becoming an incredibly toxic environment already. This, in combination with the cultural and global factors at play, led to a perfect storm where Burger exploded. 

Because of how I went about writing it the process was very convoluted and because of how complicated it is it was a lot of reorganizing the original rant and rewriting and going back and adding things and reorganizing and rewriting more etc etc which was very miserable and boring and I can’t say I’m proud of all of it but I’m proud of parts and it’s as good as it’s gonna get Lmao

I do think that by writing this I was able to think about and listen to music to and be more grateful for and look back more fondly on (as a silly misadventure) a period in my life I was very ashamed of and disgusted by, which is nice because it was like 25% of my life when it happened and very severely affected me lol 

I am pretty nervous about posting it on Instagram because a lot of people who follow my zine know people who were involved very well and I’m worried they’re going to like freak the fuck out so I might just post it on here so whatevs lol 

I also felt so dumb writing out parts of this like on some level I am aware that Billie Joe Armstrong’s son being in a fake woke indie rock band and faking being Mexican and training 15 year olds to “cancel” anyone who pointed out he was not Mexican for being “racist” and selling people lunchboxes that never showed up does not matter at all and is so so so so silly but I also feel like it matters SO MUCH 

[collectionoftulips]

I'm thinking about a Kate Is Anthony's Mistress fic and I got some ideas but I can't figure out how or why Kate would temporarily leave Anthony. Do you have any suggestions?

I'm so honoured you would ask me for advice, so thank you so much for that. Below are obviously my thoughts and keep in mind I'm not an expert at writing and it will include my interpretation of some of the characters (other ways of viewing the same character is just as valid, and anything I say in this post should be caveated with 'in my opinion'), but here goes (and I apologise for this being a bit lengthy but I am apparently a bit of a writing nerd and like talking about writing choices etc?):

The first thing I would say is that I think it would depend on how big of a deal the separation would be. When I write, I try to tie the central conflict(s) into the theme of the story I want to tell. If it's a minor conflict not related to the main thesis of the story, it can still be done that way but it's not as necessary. So for my mistress AU story that I wrote, I ended up going down the miscommunication route for the central reason for their conflict. The issue in that story was never the absence of feelings, but rather the ability (or inability) to express those feelings partly due to the social context that was Regency England (pretty much everything followed a very tightly regimented social script - but also not a historian!), but also due to their own personal insecurities. So when I separated Kate and Anthony in that story, because it was because the miscommunication was in part fuelled by the social norms of the time and because it trigged both of their deepest insecurities in different ways.

Less abstractly in terms of reasons, I think one of the most delightful things I find writing Anthony is that he is a character who so closely guards his feelings but at the same time seems to almost wear his heart on his sleeve, and push comes to shove, is a very hotheaded person. That combined with the fact that he grew up with almost (at least to me) inconceivable wealth and privilege means that he's probably prone to say something silly or do stuff that might not be entirely wise (and I say this with all the affection in the world). He tries his best to suppress his emotions but his natural inclination is to be a very passionate person, so that opens up a lot of opportunities for him to say something ill-advised. Maybe he says something classist, generally assholey, or maybe he freaks out and goes a little bit overboard trying to conceal his feelings for Kate (in terms of overrcorrecting proposing to the sister of the person you're in love with, it's really up there).

The way I see Kate is that she is a character who has really little patience for any of these things, especially if they inadvertently trigger some of her own insecurities or vulnerabilities, as she like Anthony is a very guarded person (but is much better at hiding her vulnerability or how she truly feels). To me, a lot of Kate's issues are stemmed in self-worth (in the books it was expressed through concerns over her looks etc, in the book it was more about not being enough or not having earned her family's affection) and especially with the almost at times comical way in which she would announce she's returning to India, she seems like a character who (when disappointed or otherwise) would try to remove herself from a situation if possible (especially if that situation is caused by an over-privileged temperamental manchild* whom she inexplicably finds herself caring for despite her highly attuned warning bells telling her to run in the other direction).

So, in short, I think there's a lot of options and in general it depends on what kind of story you want to tell. I know the answer above is sort of centred around a miscommunication issue, due to how I wrote my own fic, but it could also be that Anthony does something ill-advised that he has to then atone for, or is put in a situation by circumstances that hurt Kate's feelings. What's so delightful, I think, about this fandom and this pairing in particular is that I find them so psychologically interesting and they are on the surface so incompatible yet also deeply similar that it really is sometimes a miracle that they get together at all 😂

Hope this was helpful and maybe gave you some ideas. If it was or wasn't please let me know, and thank you for your ask and for putting up with my rambling.

(* = again, said with all the affection. Anthony and Simon are as characters really just walking adverts for why therapy should be heavily subsidised and publicly available and offered to everyone, imo)

[chorusfm]

Katie Pruitt – Mantras

What do you do when all the things you thought you could count on betray you? Your religion, your family, your significant other, your society, your own mind? On Mantras, Katie Pruitt finds herself grappling with precisely that question. It’s an album about trying to find a new way to exist and thrive – or maybe just cope – in a world that repeatedly insists on ripping the rug out from under you. It is provocative and relevant and unflinching and so very human. And it is the first genuine masterpiece of 2024. Pruitt arrived on the scene four years ago with her debut album Expectations, a sublime disc about self-discovery, coming-of-age, and reckoning with a world that is a whole lot darker and crueler than you thought it would be when you were young. Pruitt, who is openly gay and making music adjacent to the infamously conservative and old-fashioned country music industry, wrote candidly on that album about her sexuality and how she’d navigated years of fear, guilt, and yearning for acceptance. Expectations ultimately seemed to sketch out a happy ending to that turmoil: Of the last three songs, one was about her parents accepting her for who she was and the other two were earnest love songs for the woman she was sharing her life with. But real life doesn’t work like the movies, and you don’t just get to ride off into the sunset and roll the credits when you hit those moments of contentment where everything seems to be going well. Expectations was maybe better proof of that fact than anything, given that it dropped on February 21, 2020 – three weeks before the world started collapsing in on itself under the weight of COVID-19. Like so many other albums released in those weeks immediately before or after lockdown, Pruitt’s long-awaited debut was largely swept aside by the global upheaval of the moment, and her momentum as an up-and-coming artist with it. Four years have now passed since Expectations, and since the dark days of uncertainty and anxiety that surrounded its release. Mantras, Pruitt’s first new music since then – give or take a standalone single or two – is a reckoning with the ways the world has changed in the interim, and her life with it. Where the last album seemed to gesture toward the kind of movie-script happy ending all of us would love to get, this one doesn’t suggest those kinds of easy answers or resolutions. Instead, it’s a record that wears the traumas and scars of the past four years on its sleeve, and that boldly and proudly explores all the shades of gray that exist in places where many of us used to see only black and white. “Clinging to any meaning you can find/We’re all desperate to feel something divine” Pruitt sings in the bridge of album opener “All My Friends.” It’s a song about coping mechanisms and the things we turn to for solace when life gets hard: religion, self-help books, drugs, maybe even the mystic arts. A lapsed Catholic who has been vocal about all the damage her religious upbringing did to her, Pruitt has never been shy about taking shots at spirituality or its deep hypocrisy. It’s no mistake that Mantras starts with a verse about a friend who got stoned at their Catholic school reunion and then “moved away and unfriended the Jesus freaks.” On “All My Friends,” though, giving up on religion isn’t played as some easy punchline, because it means sacrificing what can be the biggest coping mechanism of all. I’ve thought a few times over the past few years about how comforting it might be to turn to prayer or faith in a higher power amidst moments of darkness – never mind the fact that I stopped believing in that stuff a long time ago. On this song and throughout the album, Pruitt finds herself searching for that solace somewhere else: a new shoulder to lean on, or – as she sings – “a new mantra, every other week.” “All my friends are finding new beliefs,” goes the song’s key line, and it might as well be the thesis statement for the album: Just because you let go of one crutch doesn’t mean you don’t go replace it… https://chorus.fm/reviews/katie-pruitt-mantras/

[masterofd1saster]

CJ current events 12oct23

Another "defining deviancy down"

A framed copy of a March 1993 editorial written by Daniel Henninger hangs in the Midtown Manhattan conference room where the Journal opinion staff meets. My colleagues and I refer to the piece with reverence. We frequently use its headline—“No Guardrails”—as a shorthand for the devolution of societal norms, a process that seems to be accelerating. “No Guardrails” is striking for several reasons. It’s three decades old, which makes it something of a time capsule. But as reports from bygone eras go, it is shockingly fresh and familiar.*** The erosion of norms goes far beyond politics as anyone who has ever been online knows. Social media is filled with videos of breakdowns, beat-downs and freak-outs. Only in a society without guardrails does it feel right to film a crime in progress or a person in distress for public titillation. Urban life is degenerating because the traditional authorities have removed essential guardrails. Police and prosecutors have stopped doing their jobs. Large chains like CVS, Walgreens and Target are pulling out of American cities because shoplifting has been effectively decriminalized. New York City has surrendered its streets to bullies, pot-heads and the untreated mentally ill. Now Gotham’s health commissioner advises residents to carry Narcan, or naloxone, the medicine that reverses opioid overdoses. New Yorkers who would rather not live in a society without guardrails are nevertheless expected to provide first aid to its victims.*** In 2012, after the Sandy Hook school massacre, Mr. Henninger revisited “No Guardrails.” He wrote that it wasn’t “a plea for retrieving a mythical past” but an argument that “we would be better off if our intellectual, political and cultural elites rediscovered—and publicly revered—the protective virtues of self-control and self-restraint.” Maybe that seemed possible in 2012.*** https://www.wsj.com/articles/an-oped-foretold-todays-breakdown-of-norms-30-years-ago-dress-code-gov-shutdown-f2ee0cad

***

from the left perspective

Recently, two high-profile supporters of “justice reform” were murdered. 

At 4 a.m. on Monday, Ryan Carson, a 32-year-old social justice and climate change activist, was walking with his girlfriend in Crown Heights, Brooklyn, when he was stabbed to death by a stranger. Only a few hours earlier in Philadelphia, activist and journalist Josh Kruger was shot and killed in his home. ***

Of course, these people did not deserve harm because of their support for soft-on-crime policies. But I’ve long argued that many people who hold “luxury beliefs”—ideas and opinions that confer status on the upper class, while often inflicting costs on the lower classes—are oblivious to the consequences of their views. Support for defunding the police is a classic example. 

Luxury beliefs can stem from malice, good intentions, or outright naivete.

But the individuals who hold those beliefs, the people who wield the most influence in policy and culture, are often sheltered when their preferences are implemented.

Some online commenters have said that my luxury beliefs thesis is undermined by these tragic events, because the victims were affluent and influential—and they still suffered the consequences of their beliefs.

But the fact remains that poor people are far more likely to be victims of violent crime. For every upper-middle-class person killed, 20 poor people you never hear about are assaulted and murdered. You just never hear about them. They don’t get identified by name in the media. Their stories don’t get told.

According to the U.S. Census Bureau, the poorest Americans are seven times more likely to be victims of robbery, seven times more likely to be victims of aggravated assault, and twenty times more likely to be victims of sexual assault than Americans who earn more than $75,000. One 2004 study found that people in areas where over 20 percent of inhabitants live in poverty are more than 100 times more likely to be murdered than people in areas where less than 10 percent of residents live in poverty.

Expressing a luxury belief is a manifestation of cultural capital, a signal of one’s fortunate economic circumstances. And we are living with the consequences of the elite’s luxury beliefs when it comes to public safety and criminal justice. Indeed, the massive spike in violent crime across the U.S. is a reminder of the power of elite opinion.

A study from 2014 found that strong support for a policy among the middle class has virtually no effect on whether that policy will be adopted. In contrast, strong support among Americans in the top income decile—those who earn at least $173,000 a year—doubles the probability that a policy will be adopted.

Who was most likely to champion the fashionable “defund the police” cause in 2020 and 2021?

A nationwide survey from YouGov found that Americans in the highest income category were by far the most supportive of defunding the police.***

In response to elite opinion in 2020, New York, Los Angeles, Chicago, Seattle, Austin, and many other major cities in the U.S. reduced police spending.

Most people didn’t want to defund the police, but the most affluent sector of society did. And so it was implemented.***

French sociologist Pierre Bourdieu argued that “distance from necessity” signals high social class. Similarly, in his book Class: A Guide Through the American Status System, Paul Fussell points out that the presence of physical danger is a marker of low social class. ***

The vast majority of educated people have never been in a real fight or experienced serious physical injury. On occasion, I’ve wondered if this is why many of them believe words are “violence.” ***

I had a professor in college who liked to say that common sense is like air: the higher you go, the thinner it gets. Sadly, it will probably take more high-profile deaths and attacks for people to wake up. When a bunch of peasants are killed, the luxury belief class shrugs. But when the nobility and petty nobility are targeted, the narrative shifts. It’s only when those in positions of influence and privilege feel the consequences of their beliefs and policies that real change is seriously considered. https://www.thefp.com/p/two-murdersand-the-cost-of-luxury

***

NYC stabbing victim - deserved protection

Amiri King @AmiriKing The man that was stabbed to death at a Brooklyn bus stop in front of his girlfriend, Ryan Carson, was a radical left wing activist and self described member of Antifa. His girlfriend is pictured here with an ‘ACAB’ shirt and a social media post condemning police and praising BLM. Andy Ngô  @MrAndyNgo A photo has emerged of NYC leftist activist and self-described Antifa member Ryan Carson and his girlfriend Claudia V. Morales at an event shortly before his murder. On Oct. 2, Carson was tragically stabbed to death in Brooklyn by a black male suspect wearing a hoodie (he has not been arrested). Carson was stabbed in the heart; Morales was uninjured.

Carson had the right to life no matter his political beliefs. The other point is that your

***

1st Amend protects some awful people

LGBTQ+ groups on Tuesday hailed the 60-day jail sentence a court in Switzerland gave to a writer and commentator for deriding a journalist as a “fat lesbian” and other critical remarks. The Lausanne court sentenced French-Swiss polemicist Alain Bonnet, who goes by Alain Soral, for the crimes of defamation, discrimination and incitement to hatred on Monday. He was ordered to pay legal fees and fines totaling thousands of Swiss francs in addition to the time behind bars. *** Sorel is known, among other things, for his collaboration with the antisemitic comedian Dieudonne, and they cofounded the Anti-Zionist Party, which is currently inactive. In 2019, he was sentenced by a French court to one year in prison for Holocaust denial, which is a crime in France*** https://www.ynetnews.com/article/hky6m3ygt

***

NYC again

A maniac attacked three people with a glass bottle in a violent and unprovoked rampage that began at a Manhattan Whole Foods Market on Thursday evening, according to police. The string of attacks started outside of the Whole Foods on Sixth Avenue across from Bryant Park when the 33-year-old suspect bashed a 23-year-old man with a bottle around 6:40 p.m., police said. The assailant then went inside the store to the second floor, where he attacked a 49-year-old woman, the NYPD said. He then fled outside and into the subway station at 47th Street and 6th Avenue where he struck a 55-year-old woman on a train. The suspect, identified by sources as Michael Howell, was nabbed by police on 46th Street and later charged with assault.*** https://nypost.com/2023/10/05/man-attacks-three-people-with-glass-bottle-in-rampage-that-began-at-midtown-whole-foods/

***

Who wants to step over human waste?

A prominent downtown Denver gay bar called one of the nation’s best LGBTQ+ bars last year by Tasting Table is closing immediately, citing “ever-expanding encampments.” The Triangle Bar, 2036 N. Broadway, announced in an email they were closing after they took a survey that found over 60% of their customers were visiting less frequently because of homeless encampments. The survey of over 500 people found 75% of customers visited less in 2023 than in 2022. Jacob Factor reports. A prominent downtown Denver gay bar called one of the nation’s best LGBTQ+ bars last year by Tasting Table is closing immediately, citing “ever-expanding encampments.” The Triangle Bar, 2036 N. Broadway, announced in an email they were closing after they took a survey that found over 60% of their customers were visiting less frequently because of homeless encampments. The survey of over 500 people found 75% of customers visited less in 2023 than in 2022. Jacob Factor reports. https://www.denverpost.com/2023/10/05/denver-triangle-bar-closes-homelessness

***

Couldn't happen to a nicer bunch of pervs

Aylo, the parent company of Pornhub, has been hit with its tenth sex trafficking lawsuit since 2020, with 62 alleged victims filing in federal court Tuesday. The online pornography giant, formerly known as MindGeek, is now being sued by 257 people, alleging sex trafficking, human trafficking, and racketeering. The lawsuit, which is the tenth such suit according to Traffickinghub founder Laila Mickelwait, was brought by victims of the now-defunct pornographic website GirlsDoPorn, which had a strategic partnership with Aylo to promote its videos on flagship website Pornhub. "For over a decade, GirlsDoPorn used force, fraud, and coercion to get hundreds of high school and college-aged women to film pornographic videos that GirlsDoPorn sold on the Internet," the lawsuit states. "The illegal publication of the sex trafficking videos upended victims’ lives. Within 48 hours of being uploaded to the Internet, the videos went viral amongst every person in the victims’ network, causing them to become pariahs in their own communities. Victims were ridiculed and ostracized by friends, classmates, teachers, professors, principals, clergy members, and family."*** https://www.washingtonexaminer.com/news/pornhub-hit-tenth-sex-trafficking-lawsuit

***

federal case?

he FBI has reportedly interviewed a number of individuals who alleged they were abused by members of a Christian group that counts Supreme Court Justice Amy Coney Barrett as a member. Barrett's affiliation with People of Praise, a conservative religious group that elevates the role of men, drew scrutiny ahead of her appointment to the highest court in the nation. One former member told Newsweek in 2020 that women are expected to be "absolutely obedient" to their husbands and the men in the group and those who aren't are "shamed, shunned, humiliated." At least five individuals have been contacted by the FBI, a spokesperson for a group called PoP Survivors confirmed to Newsweek on Tuesday. The development was first reported by The Guardian. An FBI spokesperson declined to confirm whether or not it was investigating. "As a matter of longstanding policy, the FBI neither confirms nor denies the existence of investigations," they told Newsweek.*** https://www.newsweek.com/amy-coney-barrett-christian-group-probed-fbi-1831689

Stop them before they bake more cookies.

***

Want to guess why he shot all those innocent people? DoJ won't tell you.

Frank James, 62, of Milwaukee, Wisconsin, was sentenced today by U.S. District Judge William F. Kuntz II to 10 concurrent life sentences in prison, plus 10 years to run consecutively for shooting 10 people during an attack on the New York City subway in Sunset Park, Brooklyn, on April 12, 2022. James previously pleaded guilty to all 11 counts of a superseding indictment, which included 10 counts of committing a terrorist attack or other violence against a mass transportation vehicle – one count for each gunshot victim – and one count of discharging a firearm in furtherance of his violent attack.*** During rush hour on the morning of April 12, 2022, James used a Glock 17 pistol he legally purchased to conduct a mass shooting on an N subway train in Brooklyn. James planned his act of terror for years – purchasing smoke bombs, disguises, firearms, and ammunition. He scouted the location for his attack and completed multiple practice runs. As part of his attack, James, disguised in an orange reflective jacket and yellow hard hat to look like a Metropolitan Transportation Authority (MTA) employee, set off a smoke-bomb in a subway car before opening fire on his captive victims. Panicked passengers ran to the far end of the subway car, allowing James to shoot at his victims more easily. When the defendant started shooting, the train was between stations and then temporarily stalled, leaving victims trapped. In total, 10 victims were struck by 16 bullets fired by the defendant. Dozens more suffered from smoke inhalation and other mental and physical injuries due to the defendant’s attack. James then fled the scene of the attack, changing his clothing frequently to evade detection while law enforcement engaged in a 36-hour manhunt to find him and bring him to justice.    At some point after the shooting, James purchased a burner phone which he used to follow the coverage of his attack while hiding from law enforcement. For example, James watched 31 videos of news reports about his subway shooting. He also watched a James Bond chase scene from the movie “No Time to Die” 10 times after the attack. Finally, James turned himself in by calling the NYPD crime stoppers hotline on April 13, 2022, the day after the mass shooting.*** https://www.justice.gov/opa/pr/frank-james-sentenced-life-prison-subway-mass-shooting

Rolling Stone tells you his motive. Includes pics.

Racist. Anti-Semitic. Unhinged. The suspect in Tuesday’s shooting on the New York City subway is a prolific user of social media, regularly uploading lengthy, often racist diatribes to both YouTube and Facebook in which he addresses a range of topics from the state of race relations in the United States to the policies of New York City Mayor Eric Adams, according to videos reviewed by Rolling Stone.*** James often rails against numerous racial and ethnic groups, including whites, Blacks, Jews, and Latinos. He also compares people of color to “a bunch of turds in a toilet,” waiting to be “flushed” down the drain by society, and implies that a race war between whites and Blacks is imminent. In one video, he calls Sept. 11, 2001 “the most beautiful day in the history of this country.” “White people and Black people should not have any contact with each other,” he says in a March 23 video titled “born in an insane asylum.” “Their anger is building up. Nothing can happen here differently than what happened over in Europe with the Jews. I want you to believe that that’s possible.” *** https://www.rollingstone.com/culture/culture-news/frank-james-new-york-brooklyn-subway-shooting-social-media-posts-1336740/

***

Cold case

A long-awaited review of the JonBenet Ramsey murder investigation by the Colorado Cold Case Review Team, with the cooperation of the Boulder Police Department, is set to take place before the year’s end. The decision to submit the case to outside review coincided with the reassignment of a detective who had long held primary responsibility for its investigation.*** last November, Boulder police  announced they would begin consulting with the Colorado Cold Case Review Team — a collection of one analyst, one forensic investigative genetic genealogy analyst, two DNA scientists, one latent prints forensic scientist and a supervisor, according to the Colorado Bureau of Investigations website.  The police also said they would continue to work with the FBI, the Boulder County District Attorney’s Office, the Colorado Department of Public Safety, the Colorado Bureau of Investigation and several private DNA laboratories across the nation.*** John Andrew Ramsey, the 47-year-old stepbrother of JonBenet Ramsey, who was out of the state at the time of JonBenet’s death,*** added that with BPD’s recent efforts, he believes they have the “best shot” at solving the puzzle now, due to the availability of forensic genealogy testing — which enables law enforcement to create a DNA profile from evidence that can then be compared to public databases in order to identify matches.*** JonBenet was reported missing in a phone call by her mother, Patsy Ramsey, early on the morning of Dec. 26, 1996, when she said she found a ransom note demanding $118,000 for the child’s safe return on a staircase inside their home in the 700 block of 15th Street in Boulder. JonBenet’s body was recovered from the family’s basement several hours later. The Boulder County Coroner determined she had suffered a fractured skull, been asphyxiated with a garotte and was sexually assaulted. The Daily Camera learned in 2013 that a grand jury had voted in October 1999 to indict both her parents, John and Patsy Ramsey, on charges of child abuse resulting in death and accessory to the crime of first-degree murder — an indictment not announced at that time. No charges were ever actually filed in the case, however, based on then-District Attorney Alex Hunter’s decision that there was insufficient evidence to support a conviction.*** https://www.dailycamera.com/2023/10/07/jonbenet-ramsey-murder-probe-soon-to-get-fresh-eyes/

***

Really?

The Cato Institute is a libertarian think tank in DC. It advocates for, among other things, free market capitalism. Cato hates the Jones Act with a passion. The Jones Act prohibits anything other than U.S. built, flagged, and crewed ships from carrying anything between U.S. ports. It's economic protectionism for American shipyards, ship owners, and sailors. It raises costs for consumers, and it's basically killed American shipbuilding. Cato publicizes the negative effects of the Jones Act.

Of course, the small people and large corporations that make a ton of money off the Jones Act don't like the publicity. Neither do the bureaucrats of the U.S. Maritime Administration. The greed heads and the bureaucrats had meetings about what to do about Cato. Hm, did the meetings result in any recommendations?

https://www.cato.org/blog/charge-all-past-present-members-cato-mercatus-institutes-treason

As the shepherds say, "What The Flock?" Really? Charge people with treason?

Let's review Article III of the Constitution -

Section. 3. Treason against the United States, shall consist only in levying War against them, or in adhering to their Enemies, giving them Aid and Comfort. No Person shall be convicted of Treason unless on the Testimony of two Witnesses to the same overt Act, or on Confession in open Court.

What part of "maybe we shouldn't puke money at a tiny, but extremely wealthy minority with extraordinary political connections" sounds like levying war?

***

Indiana, Pennsylvania

Moments after Pennsylvania State Police troopers on horseback arrived at the Chevy Chase Community Center in Indiana County expecting to engage in crowd control after midnight on Sunday, dozens of gunshots rang out. More than 150 people began streaming out of the White Township building. “They exited that building in any way possible,” state police Lt. Col. Geoge Bivens said Sunday afternoon, “… people dove through windows, people ran through doors, ran through porch railings trying to get away from that scene. There was chaos and there were people who ran through the neighborhood.” Some troopers helped the wounded while others went inside to search for more victims and secure the scene, Bivens said. One person was killed and at least eight others were injured in the shooting, state police said.*** https://triblive.com/local/regional/6-shot-1-dead-in-indiana-county-mass-shooting-at-community-center/

NY Post said police found multiple firearms at the scene.

***

Anybody notice another crime in NYC?

The NYPD on Sunday released photos of four cowardly thugs wanted in the Friday hate-crime beating in Chelsea that left a 72-year-old man with a broken jaw. The attack occurred around 10:15 p.m. at West 17th Street and Ninth Avenue in Manhattan when the suspects converged on the victim shouting anti-LGBTQ slurs, according to police. The four then started to punch and kick the elderly man in the head before running off — leaving him with a broken jaw and cuts to his face and hands.*** https://nypost.com/2023/10/08/hunt-on-for-four-thugs-in-nyc-hate-crime-attack-on-elderly-man/

***

Who knew advocacy could be so hot?

A licensed social worker who worked with youth as a counselor is accused by Columbus police of engaging in sexual conduct with a 13-year-old client. Payton Shires, 24, of Mount Sterling, Madison County, has been charged with unlawful sexual conduct with a minor. She was arrested Friday and appeared Saturday morning in Franklin County Municipal Court, where Judge Mike McAllister set a $500,000 bond. Columbus police said Shires had previously been employed by the National Youth Advocate Program (NYAP), which has offices on South High Street in the Brewery District. The NYAP helps provide counseling and social work for families that are involved in the foster care system or need advocacy in other ways. According to court records, a woman called police on Sept. 27 after finding text messages on her 13-year-old son's cellphone between him and Shires. The woman believed "something inappropriate was happening between her son and Ms. Shires after seeing messages asking if he had deleted the videos and asking if his mom had seen the videos or messages."*** police found a video on the phone of the teen and Shires engaging in sexual conduct. Detectives spoke with the teen, who reportedly admitted to having sex with Shires on multiple occasions in September 2023 at various locations in Columbus. On Thursday, police did a controlled, recorded, three-way phone call between the teen's mother and Shires. During that call, according to court records, Shires admitted to the teen's mom that she had engaged in sexual conduct with him.*** https://www.dispatch.com/story/news/crime/2023/10/06/central-ohio-youth-counselor-accused-having-sex-teenage-client-payton-shires-columbus-ohio-nyap/71087936007/

***

Rule #1: Never faux pas on a slow news day

WASHINGTON (AP) — President Joe Biden has been interviewed as part of an independent investigation into his handling of classified documents, the White House said late Monday. It’s a possible sign that the investigation is nearing its end. Special counsel Robert Hur is examining the improper retention of classified documents by Biden from his time as a U.S. senator and as vice president that were found at his Delaware home, as well as at a private office that he used in between his service in the Obama administration and becoming president.*** It’s not clear when Hur’s team approached Biden’s lawyers about an interview or how long they’d been negotiating. Asked on Aug. 25 if he planned to sit for an interview with the special counsel, Biden replied, “There’s no such request and no such interest.” The interview could signal that the special counsel investigation is nearing its conclusion.*** https://apnews.com/article/biden-special-counsel-classified-documents-025f25d04a5c0e45d758fbaaa2f231b8

***

thurs

***

Espionage is a capital crime

A U.S. Navy service member pleaded guilty today to federal felony offenses and admitted he transmitted sensitive U.S. military information to an intelligence officer from the People’s Republic of China (PRC) in exchange for bribery payments. Petty Officer Wenheng Zhao, 26, aka Thomas Zhao, of Monterey Park, California, pleaded guilty to conspiring with the intelligence officer and receiving a bribe. Zhao, who worked at Naval Base Ventura County in Port Hueneme and held a U.S. security clearance, admitted he engaged in a corrupt scheme to collect and transmit sensitive U.S. military information to the intelligence officer in violation of his official duties.*** Between August 2021 and at least May 2023, Zhao admitted receiving at least $14,866 in at least 14 separate bribes from the intelligence officer. In exchange for the illicit payments, Zhao surreptitiously collected and transmitted to the intelligence officer sensitive, non-public information regarding U.S. Navy operational security, military trainings and exercises and critical infrastructure. Zhao admitted he entered restricted military and naval installations to collect and record this information. Zhao specifically admitted to transmitting plans for a large-scale maritime training exercise in the Pacific theatre, operational orders, and electrical diagrams and blueprints for a Ground/Air Task Oriented Radar system located in Okinawa, Japan. Zhao further admitted to using sophisticated encrypted communication methods to transmit the information, destroying evidence and concealing his relationship with the intelligence officer. Zhao’s conduct violated his official duties to protect such information and the oath he swore to protect the United States.*** Sentencing is scheduled for Jan. 8, 2024. As a result of today’s guilty plea, Zhao faces a statutory maximum penalty of 20 years in prison – five years for the conspiracy count and 15 years for the bribery charge. Zhao has been in custody since his arrest on Aug. 3.*** https://www.justice.gov/opa/pr/us-navy-service-member-pleads-guilty-transmitting-sensitive-us-military-information-chinese

***

Daniel Penny case

https://www.foxnews.com/us/mother-child-hid-behind-stroller-deadly-subway-chokehold-court-papers includes a copy of Daniel Penny's motion to dismiss the homicide charges against him.

Testifying at the grand jury, medical examiner Cynthia "Harris made clear that Mr. Penny did not apply “consistent pressure that obstructed the vessels"" in Neely's neck.

Bear in mind, the facts in the linked motion are only the defense's view of the evidence.

***

[candlewaxandp0lar0ids]

pls i had to double check the notification to make sure i saw it right because the scream i let out- 😭 you better believe me when i tell you i cried a bit 😤

i love these two so so much and you write them to, dare i say, perfection. i literally cannot imagine them being even slightly different than how you write them....i mean.... you've made them look so natural at every freaking single thing they do or think or act on, it's like they're real people because everything about them is so detailed and in character omg I LOVE THIS (idk if im making sense im so overwhelmed with happiness im giddy 😭)

i missed their dynamic so much and watching jungkook finally getting comfortable enough to trust her on some things is amazing and what's even more amazing is how she is experiencing that shift too.... honestly i feel happy for her when it comes to her feeling comfortable with trying to trust him and even relying on "probably's" as she says because even if that does lower her guard and might not always be the best thing to do in her line of work but i still feel that she's been so hardwired all her life to stay in that hyperaware and cautious state that she's in certain ways just not felt safe enough to truly "breathe" tbh. we know she's always forcing herself to shut down her emotions and surely after that long period of not really "feeling" things, all of these new emotions must make her feel different and uncomfortable in a sense but i truly hope she can find a healthy balance in feeling and honestly accepting those emotions (jungkook better help her with it if she ever needs support tho 😤)

i know i always say this but hector truly is the bestest character everrrrr i love him and he's precious 🥺 i love his dynamic with the oc too and the gentle understanding they have for each other is really like a safe place amidst the entire list of intense interactions among other characters in the story. i could write a thousand words about why i love this story so much and it wouldn't be enough 💗

ohhh and i loved reading the long author's note too! pls feel free to write em as long as you want 😌 i love this story and i feel grateful that you choose to share it with us! that said, you definitely don't need to rush with the story. write at whatever pace you feel comfortable with and i'll be always here to support you (im sure a lot of us will be!)

i haven't been as active here as i used to be during the stay at home days since life has started happening again and im graduating soon too which means im having a very stressful time with the final year project and thesis too just like you mentioned you did but this iicngyp update came as a saviour in these stressful times and for that alone, i will support it till the end. you could say im emotionally attached to this fic 🥺

i said this already but the QUALITY of your writing is unmatched and it just pulls me in with how immersive it is but!! you wrote in the author's note that you feel scared that the chapters or writing won't be as good as earlier or if it'll match but i just wanna tell you that no matter how you write them, i trust that i'll love it. so pls don't feel scared or nervous about us not loving it because im sure we always will!

thank you for writing, ily 🥺 (also sorry for this long ask)

Hiiii, it’s always good to see you in my inbox 😁 and never apologize for long asks, the longer the better truly~

Ah no you make sense and this makes me so happy 😭 I was particularly worried about this chapter and if they’d feel ‘ooc’ (weird thing to say since I’m the one writing them I know) considering the fact that there’s a huge shift happening in their relationship, coming from Jungkook in particular. You’re right though, OC is not quite… there… yet. There are feelings that are starting to bubble to the surface and she essentially keeps shoving them back under. So yeah, it might take a little while until she gets somewhat healthy about it, but she’ll get there!

Hector is such a sweetheart, OC needed someone who’d be on her side and I’m happy with how he turned out and the fact that people like him that much 😁

That’s super sweet of you! I’m not looking to rush the story, but also sadly my productivity just plummeted after Covid and it’s upsetting because there’s a pretty direct link between my mental health and that (if I don’t write I’m less happy, if I’m less happy I don’t write, so it’s quite the vicious circle lol).

Oh gosh I hope your thesis goes well for you!! I know how stressful but I’m sure you’ve got this, don’t forget to take care of yourself during it too 💜

Ah thank you so much again, with this chapter I was actually quite unhappy with the way it turned out until I edited it, and then I was quite happy with it. The first scene (which had been written for months already) was almost entirely rewritten and I think it really helped ‘lift up’ the chapter. I’m very glad you enjoyed it though, makes me feel like my hard work really paid off

Thank you so much for the comment, again, always happy to see you in here and I hope i’ll get to keep reading your thoughts for future chapters as well 😊

[remapped-soul]

48, 37, 17 on the fic asks!!

Hiii! Thank you 💕

48 - i actuay reread a sebchal time travel au that got me all teared up. It is incredibly well written, especially the emotional part. and it speaks of a future i am deeply afraid (let's hope it never happens).

before the beginning and after the end - tianvette

37 - that would be a splendid vacation

It is a BTS rpf, hoseok/yoongi, a soulmate au set in the 80s during the political unrest and tragedy of the revolts in gwangju. It started as a way to analyse the soulmate trope and in the beginning it was a high school au. I was, at the time, highly critical of the soulmate trope, because you can't just accept someone as your soulmate and dedicate your life to them without knowing them. i also love stories with plots that are influenced by major history events without them being the main part of the plot (im thinking about movies like y tu mama tambien, the kdrama reply 1988, the dreamers movie from bertolucci). i am not normal about plots like these. I adore them, it makes the story feel so much bigger than the characters and i wanted to try creating something similar.

It took me 3 freaking years to write. I wrote the first part under deadline bc it was part of a fic exchange and then i completed it in the first year of pandemic bc life and self-doubt happened in between. I rewrote part 2 3 times bc it didnt sound the way i wanted it to. I spent hours on research as if i was writing my thesis. i made a playlist, moodboards, i discovered the writer han kang because of this story (i adore her books). i discovered maggie stiefvater (the love of my life) bc of this story - my friend and beta told me my main chara reminds her of ronan and i had to see what it was about.

i love how i tackled the soulmate trope, how i wrote hoseok and yoongi's relationship and the political plot. writing this story got me my first taste of writing settings and immersing the story in them. It is the longest thing i have ever written. I am immensly proud of it and i hope i can write something like this again.

17 - something similar to the dreamers movie. It doesn't have to be about the 1968 riots, but everything about 20th century is highly, deeply fascinating to me and if it involves a group of friends, found family, loss, politics and love and action, im down. Or reincarnation au but not about lovers, but about siblings (i have technically sth in the works with this au, it's all planned out but i fell out of love with the fandom and now it sits in my wip folder).

This got way longer than i intended but it was so much fun to talk about, especially the part about a splendid vacation. Im love that story deeply.

Thank you ♥️

(fic writing ask meme)

[sonjaeson]

ADULTING-101 PHASE

Heeee yoooooooooooow it’s been so fucking long since I’ve updated this shitty life of mine. HAHA anyway, before anything I would like to congratulate meself for completing my fucking years of studying… 22 years of going to school studying somewhat lessons that can be mostly integrated by the real world. BACHELOR OF SCIENCE IN COMPUTER ENGINEERNG but not licensed because why should I get it in the first place? HAHAHA I FUCKING SURVIVE THAT BLOODY FUCKING THESIS WE’VE HAD shout-out to THE BOYS (LUIS, RAINE, JEANRIE and JERICHO) arigthank you sa sakits ulo jk! Waiting nalang for longest graduation rite that I will be waiting. Because of that I explore the real world and find a fucking freaking job HAHAHAH

I’ve looked and seek multiple jobs opportunities I’ve applied as if there’s no tomorrow because why not? HAHAH, it took may 1-2 months before someone send me a job offer. Like it’s not their lose whether they reject me or not? But for some reason I’ve been tested technical interviews/exam and even communication exam. And I’ve been offered a job of being a Service Desk Agent bisag dili jod ko comfortable sa pakig-storyag clients especially in full English. But what do you expect from the great JAESON of the ALAGBAY? Don’t ever underestimate my capability bitches! HAHAH FYI, this is my fucking first job of my life and despite its obstacles that I will be facing knowing that’ll be challenging I’m up for it. Because again why not? If it’s easy then it’ll be boring right??? REMEMBER? THESIS? HAHAHA FUCK CODING BUT STILL I LEARN A LOT FROM IT AND HOPEFULLY IT’LL BE MORE HELPFUL TO MY PATH ON PROFESSIONAL CAREER DEVELOPMENT! SHIT ENGLISH WITH CAPSLOCK ANG BUANG HAHAHAHA

If you’re looking for any reason, why did I search for a job after my last semester of my life ends. It’s because I wanna treat my family a plane ticket as well as dinner or any eating shit that will be facing on my upcoming graduation rites. Isn’t it a win-win situation? While I’m developing my communication skill and career path at the same time, I’ve been pain for 22,000 pesos w/ benefits. What else? Girlfriend? I still don’t have one even another female friend is no luck. My batchmates at DXC are experienced individuals even right now I feel like I’m the youngest of them all knowing that we have SHS graduate. Right now, I’m just focusing on the opportunity to have money to be rich or travel on different destinations whatever the destined location I’ll be assigned with. I fucking wrote SR. CLOUD ENGINEER on my GOAL earlier, it’s not like I’ve been listening to my brother on who or what to take but I’m still not really sure after 5 years what is my professional career will be is? However, there’s a little part of me that is interested on what CLOUD INFRASTRUCTURE is. Like it’s an IT job that you barely face against computer programming. It will or may change for the upcoming years but nevertheless at-least I currently have a target goal.

 For my upcoming journey road to adulting because right now I’m in charge on whatever I’m gonna do, I may or desperately need a driver’s license especially on motorcycle so that whenever I’m on Camotes I can freely do whatever I do riding a fucking motorcycle.  Solo camping at Santiago or even at TULANG DIOT. What else? Maybe driver’s license on a car? Maybe I can borrow Manoy’s car HAHAHAH and and and also a fucking passport! ROAT TO THE INTERNATIONAL if this career will make me become a successful individual. Lastly, achieving my childhood dream level 1000 or 2000 battle pass <3. AND FOR THIS LONG-TERM GOAL BUILD A FUCKING MUSCLE or at-least have a healthy and fit body!

FOR NOW, THIS WILL BE THE UPDATE BECAUSE I’M TOO TIRED TO EXPRESS THINGS LATELY. BECOME A MAN AND STOP THINKING NEGATIVE THINGS JAESON! SAYONARA FOR NOW IF THINGS MIGHT BE IN TROUBLESOME SITUATION I MIGHT UPDATE or IF I’M GONNA HAVE A GIRLFRIEND!

[cipheramnesia]

I got very excited to watch the old 1990s Texas Chainsaw Massacre sequels off @facelessoldgargoyle live blogging them. I've already said plenty about TCM and TCM2, and I'm more less fine to rest on what I wrote about TCM3 because honestly that was the most mediocre sequel - it tried to make a kind of standard slasher and was elevated on the material of the earlier films but kinda Friday the 13th'd itself into a formula.

Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation is something else though. Not quite in the level of the earlier films, nevertheless it's much more of a proper part 3 than TCM3 was. What TCM:TNG gets is how much the series is about waking dreams that are nightmares and how very much the Sawyer family is meant to be partially victims in the process.

In some sense the movies always come to a place where the protagonist is an intruder in a world where they just don't belong. The protagonists are meant to live in a regular world with sleepovers or chili contests or prom nights, but they have somehow become lost in a world of cannibals and chainsaws and murderers. They live in a world where they have friends and coworkers and people are going to respond in ways they understand, but they enter a new world where all the ways they know to communicate and interact are wrong, where every social queue ranges from confusing to hostile to outright dangerous.

Now horror has a complicated relationship with disability, neurodiversity, queerness, and such. It simultaneously does a very rough mistreatment of these subjects, while also giving a lot of us a sense of belonging to the places that everyone characterizes as belonging to monsters. The TCM movies are very much in the "good movies but complicated about gender and disability" and my reading is probably not reflecting anything the filmmakers were planning.

However, it's hard for me to ignore how much everyone in TCM has a shared language and history and understanding. With TCM:TNG that's very much cranked to eleven, and I like them so much. I love them frankly. Leatherface being completely fucked up about gender and sex and murder is for me achingly sad. The performance is wild and manic and I feel on the edge of understanding him. His gender shit is not pretty or easy and that speaks to me.

There's Darla, a kind of matter of fact stone cold badass I wonder what she's doing in the family for awhile but understanding comes with her sexuality, which is primal and violent and nothing like what the world accepts for most women. It's close to my heart, seeing the way sex is half about fighting and half about fucking. Also, I'm gonna say it: Matt McConaughey's performance here is brilliant where he howls and snarls and rants from one disconnected topic to another. Every one of the family here are people who are not permitted in the conventional world, the so called normal world.

There's an extended scene with a whole family dinner of people who are not as others and the protagonist, Jenny, breaks out, tries to hold everyone off with a shotgun and no one quite cares. They're arguing and ignoring her, she's yelling at them like a frustrated mother, and that's the thesis of the film, the absolute peak dream parallel reality. She's intruded into a space where she is the freak, where her voice doesn't matter, where everyone ignores her because she's now the abnormal one who can he disregarded even when she's armed, fighting, it doesn't matter to the family because she's not real in that place. She's an inconvenience because they have to deal with her and dispose of her, but by no means is she human.

And that's kinda how our world treats them. Queer and disabled and in pain, our world just wants people like that, like me, to stay out of sight and quietly die. Which I think wasn't really the intent, but that's why it resonates with me, why all of the TCM movies feel so close to my heart. I may not be a cannibal or a murderer but I'm still the kind of person who conventional society would be happy to see gone forever. And I like seeing people like me get a little of our own back.

[silenthillmutual]

daniil goes to therapy.

(i didn’t want to try and write for a full theraputic hour but you can have this snippet i wrote!) _______________

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.

Three minutes have passed. Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. Her legs cross at the ankles. Must be difficult with the length of that skirt. Daniil doesn’t miss it. Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.

He really should say something. Hellow, how do you do, my name is Daniil, I don’t know what I’m doing here. Not a great first impression if he bolts. Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. There was no plan in mind fo rthis occasion, a suggestion from his thesis advisor. Heavy stuff you study. Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. Might as well have someone take a look at your head.

Things are fine. Things are great. Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.

Daniil is lying to himself.

The chair he sits on is so comically overstuffed he’s surprised it’s not bursting at the seams. It’s not exactly comfortable. It reminds him too much of taxidermy, keeping something stitched together in a pale facsimile of life. Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. About as successful as Daniil’s own research has been.

“Mr. Dankovsky.” Her voice is pleasant. Melodic. Strange for a therapist. Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. She could have been a singer. “Do you know why you’re here?”

“Yes.” Pause. “Do you?” She nods. Her hair curls tightly, reaching just under her chin. A bitter color, like autumn. Daniil shifts in his seat, gloves scraping uselessly against the leather. “Well then.” I’m trapped. “You know this appointment is pointless.” I can’t get up. He tries to squirm harder, but never gets any further. Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. He’s drowning in the cushions.

“Is it?” Oh, he does not like being asked such stupid questions. Impolite, but he glares. He’s used to a reaction, but she only tilts her head. AS if his attitude doesn’t bother her. Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. “Why don’t you tell me why you’re here?”

“It was suggested,” teeth grinding, “by my supervisor. Because I work with death.” She nods. He sighs. “I’m fine. Perfectly sane. This work has no bearing on my mental health.”

“I see.” She doesn’t believe him. Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. No one ever does. They all think he’s mad to be studying what he does. “And why do you work with death, Mr. Dankovksy?”

“Because it is evil,” he snaps. Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. “We have overcome death on singular occasions, it only stands to reason we can defeat it overall.” Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. “People have a right to decide when it’s their time to die. Perhaps that could be sooner. Perhaps that could be later.”

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.

“I see.” Daniil would dig his nails into the seat if he could. “Do you ever think about your time coming sooner?”

“What the hell kind of question is that?” Is he simply imagining the tilt of her lips? “No.” There was that time where - “Never.” Everything started falling - “I am of perfectly sound mind.” And he couldn’t breathe - “I can’t believe you would suggest suicide -” Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.

“Mr. Dankovsky.” Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. “I never mentioned suicide.” Why can’t I move? “I was more curious about any near-death experiences.” Sweaty, and yet so cold. “Perhaps as a child?”

When he went out in the snow, lost in the fog, couldn’t find his way back, his legs nearly frozen, his heart beating so fast - “Haven’t we all?”

“No. Not all of us.” So this is it. The truth. He is strange, a freak, and - Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.

He’s losing his train of thought. The memories he’s trying to unravel, the feeling in his stomach, in his head. All replaced by - Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.

“Before we go any further.” Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. “Can we do something about that clock?”

“Mr. Dankovsky.” Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. “There is no clock.”

[angelkurenai]

Are you watching Moon Knight? I really wanna know your opinion about it 😁

I might have turned into some sort of zombie these months because of my thesis and all that but there was no way I would miss out on a marvel series, even if it was the end of the world. I haven't had the chance to comment on it here or do much else but I haven't missed a single episode.

Now, warning, this comes from someone that's a HUGE nerd when it comes to Egyptian gods and Egyptian history. Ever since I was little I was incredibly fascinated and always watched animations that had those sort of topics, so having Moon Knight now that I am the grown up version of that nerd, feels fulfilling to say the least.

I had high expectations starting this show not gonna lie. I was also scared about how far they would go with the horror/gore aspect of the whole thing, because let's be honest ain't no way you can do a show about that character with all those themes, mummies and what not, and not make it even a bit dark. So far I can happily say I am very pleased with how it's progressing and how much they're showing. Like by the ending of the first episode I was already clapping 👏👏 because I was so freaking happy they didn't hold back on being a bit more "brutal" and raw with scenes and characters. Visuals are incredibly beautiful I cannot complain at all, director and whole cgi team are doing a great job with it and along with the music, it's a true masterpiece. As for the actors themselves I didn't expect any less, casting was on absolute point 👌 and their acting has been for the biggest part very satisfying so far!! (My soft spot for Oscar not taken into account 🤣)

Now what I miss or maybe at least hope to get in the next few episodes is more of the Egyptian gods because my gosh that is SUCH a fascinating concept on its own, I just need to have more of it. I feared we wouldn't see their true forms at all but it seems I have started to get proven wrong in the best way possible (again 👏👏👏 bravo to the cgi team wow). Honestly I just can't get enough of it and it's probably cause I have seen so many cdramas/kdramas these days (which have episodes up to 1h+ long) that I feel like maybe it's not enough 🤔 but idk, in general I would only like more. Either more episodes or longer ones at least, which I get is not that doable, but a girl can dream right? It's their fault for making a series for such a great character and story 🤣

All in all, I am really pleased with it and look forward to the next episode cause this one, dang, it left me so freaking confused and begging for more.

(didn't realize when I wrote an essay what the- 😂 sorry about that) would love to hear your opinion about it too tho! And anyone else that wants to talk about it!