#ladies and gentlepersons...the well

[caemidraws]

The Hierophant

[slocumjoe]

What would you headcanon as the companions sexuality and type? If they had to have one.

Companions sexuality + their type + what'd be good for them

Seeing as these guys are all bi/playersexual in canon for game play reasons, the sexuality bit is ignorable and can be disregarded. I also tend to write them all as bi/pan in other reacts for reader immersion so as to not exclude anyone. Just don't worry about the sexuality, its fine

Cait; pansexual queen, has a romantic and sexual preference for women. She lacks a type because she lacks taste. Cait, when choosing her sexual partners, really needs a fucking committee of bitchy lesbians to give their votes. Her type is everywhere but generally bad. Who do I think would be good for her...ultimately, someone she wouldn't get along with, at first. Think Preston. Cait needs a good person who's selfless, kind, empathetic, and most importantly, unfazed. Someone who balks at her and what she's been through wouldn't be great for her. I don't mean fazed as in 'horrified', I mean 'yikes, that's more than I want to know or deal with.' It's fair to have that boundary, of course, but Cait needs someone who can know her and not flinch.

Curie; I personally think Curie is the token straight, but I can see her experimenting, just to really figure it out. I can also see her being heterosexual, but biromantic. Curie seems the type to get gay married just because she loves another lady, even if not physically intimate with her. Her type would have to be similar to her—hygienic, polite, detail and data oriented, curious...a model scientist and gentleperson, really. That would be good for her, if only because that kind of person is just a solid choice for partnership. But someone with more edge—think the pin to her cushion—would balance her out well. And Curie needs balance, and sometimes a different perspective. She needs some challenging. And she'd appreciate it! Peer review is important for growth and learning. I think she'd feel a little stagnate with someone too much like her.

Danse; Demisexual and demiromantic. Don't roll your eyes. This is just a fancy term for "it doesn't matter, as long I have a bond as deep as the marina's trench." Dude? Lady? Both? Neither? It does not fucking matter. You could be the hottest ass and goldest heart, if Danse doesn't have a long history and isn't close with you, he isn't going to consider it. His type is whoever the hell he ends up falling in love with. He could fall in love with Hancock if they worked through their shit and got close enough. But what would be good for him? Danse is both pin and cushion, so we can't make that comparison. Someone patient, I think. Someone who doesn't just tolerate his quirks and his various rough edges and flaws. Someone who doesn't just let him ramble about whatever's on his mind, but enjoys it. Someone who doesn't just allow him to touch them, but wants to touch him back. That kind of thing. Danse has suffered rejection all his life. You could be anything, anyone. He needs to be accepted. Not put up with.

Deacon; ...I'll say straight, but bi-curious piques my interest. He's one of those "late bloomers" I think. I'd say his type used to be Barbara—dry-humored, fretting, stubborn, poised, an extrovert, can-do attitude—but since Shit, he'd just think of her with someone like her, and that's not a relationship he's getting into. His current type would be flexible, open to anything so long as their values match up. What'd be good for him...a lot of people think someone he can idolize. No, pedestals are not good for Deacon. He needs to be himself, not someone else. So, someone perceptive, who can smell bullshit from miles away and calls it then and there. Who won't humor his self-deprecation and harmful coping mechanisms. Everything else, he can work with. Deacon is adaptive. But he's gotta be Deacon, and someone who lets him not be Deacon is just enabling him.

Gage; I say he has no label and I'm fucking sticking to it. Gage is an old ass raider who has probably tried and offered every hole there is—this is not a dude who goes "I'm [sexuality]". I won't even call him demi. Anyway. Type...Gage really only has one type, and like Cait, by the very nature of what he values, this person is unhealthy for him in the long run. They're aggressive. They're selfish and cold. They're not a good person, not anywhere in their bones. Gage ultimately needs to be lured in with promises of being His Type (Awful), but if they end up being Good For Him (Soft spot, principled, picks their battles, has respect and some decency), he isn't leaving. You reel him in, he's biting. He needs someone who's outwardly what he wants, but actually, what he needs. He needs something he thinks is too good for him, so he settles for trash. Like promising your toddler McDonald's for lunch, but just putting healthy shit in a re-used bag.

Deacon; wait hold on i already did you

Hancock*;

Whoops shit hold on the cat just decimated the counter top

Hancock**; Okay. Hancock also is unlabelable, in that he is too fucking horny. It isn't a "be nice to me and I'll die for you" like Danse, or "hole is hole" like Gage. Hancock transcends these pitiful ideas. What is Hancock's sexuality? Yes. He is simply sexual. His type? Yeah. Preference? Correct. Hancock kneels for the flag but that thang be patriotic. This is how I segue into "Hancock's dick is trying to kill him." His taste is whatever seems fun. Fun can mean public quickie. Fun can also mean BDSM with someone he's never met before at a second location. BAD. UNSAFE. Hancock needs someone who can satisfy his thrills, but is trustworthy and loves him enough to keep him safe, and respect him. So, "Yes we can go piss on the Brotherhood as they come from that subway tunnel, but we can't drink beforehand, i don't want you falling." That kind of thing. I can definitely tell you what's bad for him, and that's another substance user. Hancock very much does it as a form of depersonalization and thats not good for him. He needs someone who won't encourage his self-harmful habits.

MacCready; Also see him as a token straight. He gives good ally vibes. Frat bro ally. Mac likes his partners dark-haired, dark-eyed. He likes them visually different from him. Makes them exotic. As for personality, Mac-attack favors the more home-body type. Someone who likes cooking, is clean, good with kids...he just admires it! He likes someone who he thinks has their shit together. Can you blame him? He wants to chill and raise their kids, he needs a partner that does well with that lifestyle. As for what's good for him...about the same, really. Maybe someone more outwardly kind, who can bring out the best in him and help him shave off the mercenary thought process and values. But generally, MacCready wants someone who doesn't do bullshit. Just say what you mean and want to, he'll do whatever you need. Very much wants a partner, not just a significant other. A real partner.

Nick; Good morning bisexual community! This man be queer. His taste? Obviously a femme fatale, all legs and dark lips and suspicious outlines in their dress. Obviously a whiskey-soured gentleman, hard in the eyes, soft in the mouth, and harder in the hands. He likes his pals and gals the way he likes everything—theatrical. But what this old bag needs...firstly, to fucking process Jenny, for one. Good luck there. Two, Nick needs someone who doesn't entertain his philosophical brooding about his circumstances. He's prone to getting in his own head. He could use a referee, someone to point out when he's sulking to sulk. Maybe a callous need, but Nick's pretty well-adjusted save that. And hey, all he really asks for are nice shoulders. Besides, Nicky is old enough he doesn't really need influence with growth. It's more like road-side clean up, picking up years of litter. It's a fair thing to need. You get old enough, you start needing change and challenge.

Piper; Lesbian. Come on. Lesbian. Piper Wright fancies herself a tomboy (she is, at best, a toddboy), and while she says she prefers similar girls, girlie is down bad for femmes. She likes a gorgeous woman in a tiny dress. She likes a nice set of hips. Can't say I blame her. Piper has had few but fraught relationships, and her takeaway from them all is that she can't stand indecisiveness. She wants commitment or a clear, quick answer of 'no'. Piper has done situationships and she is DONE. And honestly, she needs the grounding of that! Piper is a flightly girl, always off on some new trail or adventure. Someone to anchor her won't just be a source of comfort, they very well might keep her from becoming an acolyte of a different cult, or worse, kegchugging more moonshine.

Preston; Bisexual and Pansexual just don't...feel right...like, I think he's an all-doors-open guy, but I just can't put a label on him. Maybe just "open to whatever happens"? Either way, Preston is similar to Curie in that his type is similar to him, and his type is a very good romantic candidate just by virtue of who they are. Compassionate, selfless, reliable, just good traits for a romantic partner. And I can't say he needs anything else, really. Preston doesn't have Curie's limited world experience, he doesn't need different perspective. He's seen and had different perspectives and most of them didn't work for him. The best trait for him, I think, would be someone with more edge to them. Preston is a nice dude who doesn't often want to cause problems, he wants to sort things as peacefully and amicably as possible. But if someone else says what he's thinking...that's just vindication. And Preston deserves some of that. He deserves someone who will sock another in the jaw for looking at him funny. He might not approve, but he'll appreciate it.

X6-88; Asexual, but it's possible for him to fall in love. Demiromantic doesn't feel strong enough a word for it, but I guess that works. His type is very flexible as well. It really depends. X6 is action-oriented, but he does put value on words, especially his own, being someone of few words nd fewer sincere, emotionally-available ones. I feel like his type would be someone who can navigate such things with ease, without being sappy. Emotionally intelligent, but poised and objective without being cold. Anything else would spook or annoy him. But as time went on, it'd be good for him to learn by example and loosen up with his own identity and desires. X6-88's best partner would be an advocate for synths, obviously, but they'd also see the pragmatism of emotional connection and self-worth and individualism. X6-88 exists in a shell—if you can crack him out of it, it's only a stone's throw to a romance developing.

[panicpixieplaygirl]

okokok that modern han hcs post was AMAZING all the way around but two things stuck out to me!!! han solo (of any variety) being an ass man & wanting to be marked up!!!! like YES! pls pls pls expand

consulted with the great bex @harrisonbrainrot for this one. MINORS DNI! <3

expansion under the cut

ASS MAN ‼️ YEA HE IS. his hands live on ur ass. when you’re out in public he loves to hold you into his side with a hand slid in ur back pocket, or just resting where one would be. when you lay together he’s like your own personal massager, you’re ass is like his stress ball, fidget toy. will smack it ANYWHERE. will straight up get on his knees and bite you whether people are watching or not. mega weakness for daisy dukes. has purposefully ruined at least one pair of your jeans so he can say “you can always cut em short. let me do it”… but of course then they end up so tiny and so much of your ass hangs out you can’t wear them out without fear of getting slapped with a public indecency charge, which han never seems to understand. “why don’t you wear them shorts i cut for you? they’re real cute, you look great in em.”

the marked up part ‼️‼️ so important to me. he loves the visual evidence of intimacy. this man can get it whenever he wants, obviously, but even if he’s marked up after a one night stand, it doesn’t give him the same thrill of being claimed, wanted, accepted, OWNED. every hickey is a reminder of the time you spend with him, every scratch and red mark on his back a reminder of how well you take him, every lipstick stain on his neck, his jaw, a reminder of how you’re not afraid to show you love him and he’s not afraid to wear it. will absolutely buy you shades of lipstick he wants you to wear, specifically for the purpose of seeing them on his own skin. likes being out at a party, both of you absolutely blitzed, and you can’t stop kissing him but he loves it, he’s covered in lips, and he’s more than proud to show them off. will check himself out in the bathroom mirror and smile like a damn idiot for the rest of the night, come back pointing out spots he wants you to kiss and of course you oblige. takes everything in him not to whip his clothes off right then and there and get those pretty red lips on his cock

the main event ladies & gentlepersons… motherfucking BREEDING. KINK.

definitely the ultimate peak of his love for marking you. at first he thinks it’s just a nasty throwaway thing like the rest of it, nothing major, but when you actually get to try it, even if you’re not intending on actually getting pregnant & have a morning after pill waiting, it awakens something in him. to literally mark you as his, have you filled with a piece of him all the time? every hour of every day for months?? walking around with everyone seeing the evidence that you’ve been claimed, owned, loved, and creampied??? would drive him NUTS.

i have SOOO MUCH more to say about the breeding kink. as does bex. han has very big dad energy for sure

[fair-fae]

I would be remiss if I failed to offer assistance to a lady with her... troubles... if she were in need, of course. My goodness, it's so warm in here...

Oh nooo, are you sweating? Perhaps you're wearing too many layers, as well, my good gentleperson...

[arctimon]

https://arctimon.tumblr.com/post/663516852979449856/karmi-and-kamalas-un-khan-ny-comparison sorry not be rude but I did not like the big hero six representation honestly my opinion it felt really wrong

So this particular gentleperson who decided to remain anonymous thought to send me a message about one of my old posts talking about the uncanny resemblance and coincidence between Kamala Khan (Ms. Marvel) and Karmi (Lab Lady).

Now, I know that a lot of people don't agree with the fact that Karmi is the Big Hero 6 universe's version of Kamala. That's fine. You're allowed to think that.

But like...huh?

It felt wrong? I'm a little confused.

And I know this was recent because my message box went up by one when I was putting together the DevArt picture.

So...sir (or madam), you sort of lost me here. You're going to have to explain why it felt wrong.

It's a headcanon. It's neither right nor wrong.

You're going to have to give me a little bit more than "It felt really wrong".

(Cue me never hearing a response from them ever again.)

Note: For the record, people are allowed to believe whatever they want to believe. But "not liking the Big Hero 6 representation" is just weird. People don't like Big Hero 6? I always thought people liked it.

Oh well.

[sl33py-dr34ms]

Random Asmodeus HCS!! 💕

The moment I saw this man I knew what had to be done…

So I did it lmao

-🎩 let’s get one thing out of the way okay? Okay. THIS. MAN’S. FUCKIN. GLORIOUS. HAIR. (FUR???? IDC)

His hair may look soft but hunny,I can assure you; it prolly ain’t that soft

Don’t get me wrong,it looks fluffy and I’d love to just lay in it (if I ever could) but I believe he seems like the type of person to take long asf getting all prettied up just to go outside (even if it’s like a whole ass foot outside to go get or do whatever),and overall is just extra and bougie (or rather,a total drama king/queen).

Where was I?

Oh yeah-

This man’s hair is definitely thick but somewhat soft. 100%

-🎩 If I learnt one thing from ma mama,it’s that although this man may look (and possibly be) intimidating as-well….HELL,he’s quite the softie once you’ve gained a place in his heart

-🎩 Have you seen him with Fizz??? The way he cuddled that jester gave me the nastiest “I absolutely love PDA” vibes I’ve ever seen on a character.

-🎩 Sassy king? Sassy king.

-🎩 Not afraid to teach a hoe a lesson if anyone messes with you OR Fizz

-🎩 Don’t fret hun,he’ll teach ya how ta back it up on that pole~! (if you’re willing)

-🎩 All jokes aside,he’s definitely got the curves to pull in the ladies,gents and gentlepersons

-🎩 Def calls people “Sweetcheeks”,“Baby”,“Dollface” and more (not in that order) just for kicks

-🎩 Asmodeus: “Baby,what you got? Because I want some o’ that!”

Y/N: “I got some of my special perfume on”

Asmodeus: “That ain’t what I mean,hun..~”

-🎩 Feeling insecure? Guess what? Man’s boutta hype you UP and take you OUT to his club to watch all them filthy imps n such give in to almost glorious desires as you,him and Fizz just laugh above it all

-🎩 I’d say he’s about-uh…..10 ft. tall or smth,all Ik is that the guy’s tall asf

[chibimyumi]

I didn't know that you hate Vincent . Can I ask why ? I thought Vincent was loved by the fandom Sorry I am new to the fandom

【Reaction to: My least favourite character - Maurice】

Dear @1hellofacookie​ and Anon,

Vincent Phantomhive is indeed an incredibly popular character despite his little screentime. I think the primary reason is because Vincent fits the popular trope of “the mysterious handsome dark lord with a gap-moe” like a hand in a glove. Remove his good looks, and how much is left still then?

Let us look at his behaviour. While we are at it, I shall use this post as a character analysis of Vincent Phantomhive.

【tw: Emotional manipulation】

Vincent Phantomhive

Vincent is an incredibly unscrupulous person, and that is nothing new in Kuroshitsuji. Vincent’s lack of scruples is supposedly a feat to his job as the Queen’s Watchdog. HOWEVER, we never get to see how this ‘feat’ is put to ‘good use’, how it is employed against the enemies of the crown. Instead, his lack of scruples is almost without exception portrayed as “friendly teasing”, and the people who don’t deserve it bear the brunt of it.

[Note: For this post I have re-translated whatever translation errors there are in the scanlation I found. The retranslations are marked with an arrow.]

Condescending Attitude

The most important example is how Vincent treats Deidrich. In chapter 75 we meet an incredibly angry young Deidrich, and anyone who has ever done group-projects with bad partners can understand how incredibly legit Deidrich’s frustrations are. (UGH my war flashbacks ÒAÓ)

It could be that Deidrich is just somewhat aggressive in his expressions, but it could also be that Vincent is a repeat offender. And knowing Vincent, it is probably the latter ⇊

When Deidrich calls Vincent out on his slacking, Vincent did not show the least bit of remorse. The only two ways to explain this is either that:

Vincent is too proud to admit a mistake, or

he actually believes it is alright that somebody else does his work.

Either way, neither are a good reflection of his personality or attitude in life.

Not admitting fault is one thing, but the thing Vincent proceeds to do is scoff at Deidrich’s expression of legit anger. Vincent does not see Deidrich as a fellow human with feelings; he treats Vincent’s anger the way patriarchy treats the anger of women: laughing it off. It may not seem much on the surface, but this is a very classic tactic of disempowering someone.

Another example of Vincent not taking Deidrich or his feelings serious at all is the panel below. Deidrich has serious concerns about a leader’s responsibilities, and makes clear that he does not think someone as irresponsible as Vincent is suited for the role.

Despite the seriousness of Deidrich’s terms, Vincent waves it off as: “is that all?” and even dismisses Deidrich’s selfless term as: “you have no ambition whatsoever.”

Vincent proclaims that he is going to think of something too, and later we find out he in fact intends to make Deidrich his fag. This is a power-play. He is ‘teaching’ Deidrich what ‘ambition’ is, and feels the need to one-up Deidrich, showing who is superiour.

Hypocrisy

Another serious problem of Vincent’s personality is his hypocrisy.

Vincent is portrayed as an incredibly irresponsible prefect judging from whatever screentime we have of him. The only reference we have of him is him doing nothing a prefect should, plus the assessment from Deidrich (who has obviously seen more of Vincent than we have). As the audience never gets to see anything that could prove Deidrich wrong, Deidrich’s assessment is the closest information we can go by.

Deidrich voices his very understandable concern about Vincent’s legitimacy on the prefect’s throne, and says: “if the prefect’s like this, I wonder how bad the other dorm students are.”

Though this phrase was clearly meant as an insult, Deidrich refrains from making definitive statements. He even backs this thought up with the tradition of the Weston school: “The prefect sets the example, and the house students follow”. Given this tradition, it is not weird at all that Deidrich would wonder whether the house students might also behave as irresponsibly.

Despite Deidrich’s moderated criticism WITH ground, Vincent replies as follows: “would you not talk badly of the other students of the blue house?”, and shows very clearly that he is serious. ↑

HOWEVER, this is an act of supreme hypocrisy, as at the start of this flashback ⇊, Vincent had been the one who first insulted Deidrich, Deidrich’s national identity as German, and ALL Germans in front of him.

Vincent… Deidrich does not get to wonder whether you’ve set a bad example for the house to follow, but you do get to insult all Germans (be it in jest or not?)

Disrespect of Autonomy and Consent

The ultimate slight of Vincent is treating Deidrich as a slave.

Sure, them making a deal using cricket was something the both of them decided, and Deidrich should probably not have let Vincent walk off before they both agreed to what terms they were competing under. However, even without Deidrich’s naivety, Vincent should have shown the decency of NOT turning somebody in a lifetime slave to begin with.

We cannot victim-blame Deidrich for mistrusting Vincent to begin with. But more importantly, Vincent did not respect the most basic principle of equivalent exchange.

The term Deidrich set was for Vincent to step down: the worst that could happen to Vincent was that he’d return to being a normal student. Big deal. Vincent however, decided WITHOUT Deidrich’s consent, that he would turn him into a lifetime slave.

Vincent said “become my fag”, and if we look at the definition of fag, this should be: “a junior pupil AT A PUBLIC SCHOOL who does MINOR chores”. The moment either of them left the school SHOULD be the end of this contract.

Making somebody a fag without their prior consent is bad enough, but Vincent entirely crosses the boundaries, and states very clearly that this status as “fag” was supposed to continue INDEFINITELY. PLUS, he strips Deidrich entirely from his basic human right, as he is supposed to obey him “without question”.

That’s a slave, dear ladies, gentlemen, and gentlepersons. That’s slavery. I don’t know what to tell you, but that’s slavery.

Vincent does not even give Deidrich the proper chance to speak, and simply dismisses his legit protest with: “but I am [done talking.] Hereby stating very clearly that Vincent Phantomhive will from this point on, be the person to have the last word that matters.

Framing

How is this being framed? As a light-hearted back-and-forth bickering. Alexis’ reaction is used as a ‘tell-device’ to tell the audience that we are supposed to find this a light-hearted back-and-forth bickering between boys. However, we all know very well that this master-slave relation continued to present day, as Vincent made very clearly that this “contract” would pass on from him to his sons.

The reaction from the people who listened to Alexis’ story ranged from admiration to disbelief, but nobody there showed disgust. Or at least, not tellingly. As such we can conclude that the enslavement of Deidrich WAS supposed to be something ‘cute’.

Underhanded Emotional Manipulation

Vincent is a repeat offender of emotional manipulation, and this too is always framed as something ‘cute’.

Let us look at chapter 99.5 where Vincent uses his sick family to emotionally manipulate Deidrich into accepting that ‘a fag’s work’(which Vincent uses his absolute power to make Deidrich do) as ‘willing thoughtfulness’.

“No, I didn’t make you do this work, YOU were just so nice and kind and loving, Dei-dei ♥” was basically the psychological message he was instilling into Deidrich.

In chapter 131, Vincent makes sure that this enslavement would continue to the next generation, and uses the safety of two young children to emotionally manipulate Deidrich into continuing his servitude.

It is very damaging for children to get promises broken - especially promises that have to do with their rights and safety. Even before Deidrich consented to this indefinite servitude, Vincent took the liberty of making the promise to the children in Deidrich’s stead. Herewith he would effectively turn Deidrich into the bad-guy for saying: “sorry kids, I am NOT going to protect you should you lose your father,” even though it is Deidrich’s fundamental right to refuse.

NASTY.

Vincent also makes sure to keep ‘rewarding’ Deidrich for obedience good behaviour, and frequently dishes out compliments; the classical hot-cold treatment.

Again, just like I said before under the caption ‘framing’, this all is framed as a fluffy ‘tsundere’ back-and-forthing between two ‘friends’.

I don’t have anything against unscrupulous characters like Sebastian, or O!Ciel, R!Ciel, Joker, Baron Kelvin etc. etc. But the difference is that all these characters ARE properly portrayed to be wrongdoers.

With Vincent however, it is clearly meant as light-hearted fluff that rides the tailcoat of the ‘tsundere’ trope.

Deidrich is NOT tsundere; he is a victim to Vincent’s continued emotional abuse.

That is why I considered hating Vincent the most out of all characters in Kuroshitsuji - because his slights are never properly addressed, and only ever shown as ‘edgy’.

I hope this helps!

[postmodernmulticoloredcloak]

Avatar: The Last Airbender episode 3x17 ☆ﾟ*･｡*

Me: are they really preparing to take down the Fire Lord in the Fire Lord’s beach house *one second later* Katara: are we really preparing to take down the Fire Lord in the Fire Lord’s beach house

Asdfghjkl a playwright has written a play about them collecting information from people all around the world such as singers, pirates, prisoners “and a surprisingly knowledgeable merchant of cabbage” :’)

Ladies gentlemen and gentlepersons it is Let’s Shatter The Fourth Wall Time! Our favorite time. *rubs hands excitedly together*

Apparently Zuko’s mother loved the theater company but Zuko hated to go see them XD

“This is the kind of wacky time-wasting nonsense I’ve been missing!” you were the one obsessed with schedule Sokka :p

Oh boi this is going to be a trip XD

Each of them is outraged about how they portrayed them... but also having fun about how the others are portrayed :3 They’re making so many excellent faces

Lmao nobody involved in the script knew that the Blue Spirit and Zuko are the same person XD

Oops this is how Suki finds out about Sokka and Yue ^^;

“So far, this intermission is the best part of the play.”

“Apparently, the playwright thinks I’m an idiot who tells bad jokes about meat all the time!” “Yeah, you tell bad jokes about plenty of other topics” “I know!”

Aang complains about the woman playing him not resembling him at all - “I don’t know, you are more in touch with your feminine side than most guys” lol

“Relax Aang, they’re not accurate portrayals. It’s not like I’m a preach crybaby who can’t resist giving overemotional speeches about hope all the time”

Toph is having the time of her life...

And then the character Toph appears, and it’s a large buff guy. Katara jabs at her... “Are you kidding me? I wouldn’t have cast it any other way!” It’s absolutely inaccurate, but Toph is loving it XD

This is it, this is the show:

“Zuko, it’s time we had a talk about your hair. It’s gone too far!” “Maybe it’s best if we *dramatic plause* split. up.”

“You caught me... Wait, what’s that? I think it’s your honor!” “Where?!”

“Did Jet just... die?” “You know, it was really unclear” lmao

Oh no the play makes Katara/Zuko canon XD

Whoops, it really hits right at Aang’s fears... okay, alright, the dumb play is actually making me okay with the concept of Aang/Katara lmao

And the Ba Sing Se betrayal scene hits right at Zuko’s guilt regarding his uncle.

And the act ends with the Avatar’s defeat...

Poor Aang...

“Suki, what are the chances you can get me backstage [...]?” “I’m an elite warrior who’s trained for many years in the art of stealth... I think I can get you backstage.”

AWWWWW Toph hearthens Zuko about his uncle this is so super wholesome I am an emotion <3 <3 <3

“Ow! What was that for!” “That’s how I show affection ¯\_(ツ)_/¯”

I love how Toph didn’t even need Zuko to prove his worth to her in any way for her to accept him as a friend. She heard the earnestness in his voice and bam she was in for the friendship ride or die. She does know what it means to desperately need to prove your worth in the face of messed-up parental expectations. Her parents’ expectations for her and Zuko’s father’s expectations for him were completely opposites but you know what they say about extremes...

“Your Zuko costume is pretty good, but the scar is on the wrong side” “The scar is not on the wrong side!”

Awww Sokka giving joke ideas to his actor XD

Aang confronts Katara about her feelings, but she says she is confused and he messes up by kissing her without her consent. Aang, I was rooting for you a minute ago! Neither of them is in the right place for a relationship at all right now, but I’m sure the show will not actually address the issue properly. In a few years a relationship between them could work, but now, eeh.

Awww the actor uses Sokka’s tips XD Suki is contemplating her life choices...

The play catches up with the present, and the rest is the playwright’s imagination. Well, we are in the Fire Nation, so I can imagine how it will go...

Admittedly, Play!Azula and Play!Zuko are not even as dramatic as the real deal.

Whoops. Azula kills Zuko and everyone cheers.

And Ozai kills Aang, celebrates his victory and everybody cheers even louder.

“That wasn’t a good play” “I’ll say” “No kidding” “Horrible” “You said it” “But the effects were decent!” that’s what I thought too XD

Oh man this was so much fun ^-^

[aquickstart]

hello my dear ladies and gentlepersons. here is a quick reminder that i have a bookstagram with some face art, very mild cosplay, art, candles, and sometimes even a book🤠

some examples include

i either spam the stories or hibernate for weeks. if you have a bookstagram as well, pls come say hi. if you don't, still come say hi and let's be friends🥰

[therealactualjonathanharker]

From one, er, gentleperson to another, how does one win the approval of a lady? My eye has been caught by a fair woman, but I fear my affection may not be well received! How did you go about showing your admiration to Mina, and were you nervous to extend your sentiments?

... I... well, me and Mina go way back, you see. I think when I first saw her, I loved her. I tried to befriend her at first-- and maybe I thought we’d just stay as friends... but I did eventually ask her out on a date. 

Unlike Seward or Quincey or even Arthur, I did not instantly ask for her hand in marriage.

[joevyder-blog]

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[eashleyra-blog]

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[ladynorbert]

Does your editor ever express his opinions on your non-DA stories?

My editor expresses his opinions on everything. I’m not exaggerating. It’s like having a tiny Greek chorus in my head as I go about my day.

[Editor’s note: Scholar, you make me sound like a complete busybody.]

Who thought it was necessary to inform me that I should not buy anything in black when I was shopping on Holyclothing.com?

[Editor’s note: You have an orange cat! I was being the voice of practicality!]

I’ll give you that one. But as for the writing…?

[Editor’s choice: Look, you work on stuff that’s not set in Thedas. I don’t claim to understand it, but I support your creative endeavors. That thing you and Sparrow are cooking up with the major quest and the dragons and the moon god, though… I’m having trouble wrapping my head around it. But hey, you do you. Just don’t forget me.]

Like you would allow that to happen. 

[Editor’s note: Well, no, I wouldn’t. Meanwhile, about that time travel alchemy thing - you have some interesting ideas there and I’d like to have a look at your notes.]

My editor, ladies and gentlepersons. I love him to death; I just don’t know how to turn him off.

[Editor’s note: The Iron Bull, naked. That turns me off like nobody’s business.]

…thanks, Varric. And thank you, @adventuresinastrangeworld, for the ask!

[centerofstupidity]

Petra Pan Chapter 1 Part 1 Snark

If you enjoy the content you are reading, please like and follow the Center of Stupidity blog.

Chapter Summary: Our story begins with Eirwen Darling participating in a fencing tournament. 

Of course, we are constantly reminded every five seconds that he is a saintly guy with awesome sword fightin' skillz.  Which means Eirwen must be the Chosen One.  

Nota Bene: Even though the story only has nine chapters, each chapter is very long. So I have decided to take each chapter and break them up into several parts. 

“En garde…ready…fight!” the judge called out to the two fencers that were standing in the field of play in the middle of a large hall.

The first sentence in and I’m already cringing.

The line “that were standing in the field of play on the middle of a large hall” is awkwardly worded.

The sentence can either be “En garde…ready…fight!” the judge called out to the two fencers that were standing in the field of play 

OR "En garde…ready…fight!” the judge called out to the two fencers that were standing in the middle of a large hall.

Eirwen Darling’s opponent - Thomas Paisley - 

He is also known as Character Who Disappears After Chapter One

So Thomas moves forward and lungs his foil at a guy named Eirwen. 

Eirwen deftly parried the attack,

I'd expect a fencer to be competent.

 and was about to riposte when loud, overzealous female cheering coming from the stands distracted him.

This isn’t Eirwen’s first competition.

And he is an athlete.

Which means that he should be able to tune out the screaming fans and focus on the game.

Also, every fencing match is timed. So…

“Darling! Darling! Darling! My Darling! My darling!” the girls all chanted in lovesick voices.

The tips of Eirwen’s ears turned red out of embarrassment 

and he groaned.

"Attractive girls fawning over me is such a drag!"

 “Ugh. What do they think they’re doing? This isn’t a basketball game!”

Eirwen, fans usually cheer at sporting events.

Why are you acting as if this is Abby Normal?

Just because this is a fencing match, doesn't mean nobody applauds or cheers. 

Look at this video: 

This is the 2010 Junior Fencing World Championships in Azerbaijan. 

Every time that someone scores a point, you can hear applause or cheering. 

His fan girls were there again. 

A lot of heterosexual guys would feel flattered with receiving female attention. 

But this sends Eirwen running for the hills. 

Is he Edward Cullen in disguise? 

He glanced at them out of the corner of his eyes and immediately wished he hadn’t.

Eirwen saw someone cosplaying as Anita Blake. 

 His flush started to spread to his cheeks. 

Blushing appears on a person's face. 

It turns out the Eirwen's fangirls are holding banners and posters that say things like: ‘Do your best, my Darling!’ and ‘I (heart) Eirwen Darling’.

Eirwen hated that his last name was ‘Darling’.

You mean bitching and moaning isn't a sign of contentment?

Thanks for letting me know, KuroKoneko Kamen!

When the girls called out to him it sounded like they were using a silly pet name.

I'll let this speak for itself:

And with the way they were looking at him lustily he had the feeling he was right on the money.

Congratulations, Eirwen.

You have five more brain cells than Bella Swan. 

The reason that Eirwen Darling had fan girls in the first place

No, no, no!

Do not pass go. Do not collect $200. 

was because his great grandfather Eirwen Darling was famous for being the inspiration behind the popular children’s book: Petra Pan.

...

........

.......................

................................................

That's right, gentlepersons. Girls are lusting after a guy because one of his relatives was the inspiration behind a famous children's book. 

And it gets even more creepy. It is revealed that Eirwen has a strong resemblance to his great grandfather. 

So when people pictured the boy who’d been spirited away to Neverland by Petra Pan for a series of grand adventures - 

Yeah, it's simply whimsical that a child was kidnapped by a sociopath. 

And in case anyone thinks I'm joking...

Here is an interesting article that cited quotes from J.M. Barrie's Peter Pan. 

they usually pictured the boy with Eirwen’s face.

Eirwen looks like his famous great grandfather. 

Eirwen’s great grandfather was dead now, but people never seemed to forget the connection.

At the risk of sounding redundant, I'll say it again:

Eirwen’s current opponent 

Thank you, Captain Redundant. 

and close friend, Thomas, 

This character is a friggin' McGuffin.

Without him:

Eirwen would have never fought a psychopath. 

Petra Pan wouldn't have witnessed a duel and decided that Eirwen must be the Chosen One. 

And while Eirwen was hospitalized, Eirwen wouldn't have taken him to Neverland.

So yeah, I don't give a damn about Thomas. 

We are told that Tom is "a good sport" because he waited for the cheers to die down. 

“As always, you’re popular with the ladies, Eirwen. I’m jealous.”

"Even though these ladies should not live within two thousand feet of any daycare centers and schools." 

 Like himself, Thomas was dressed in an all-white fencing uniform with a chest protector made of plastic and a lamé - a layer of electrically conductive material worn over the fencing jacket in foil that was used for detecting hits.

People who are professional fencers actually wear a uniform???

A mesh metal mask was covering his face protectively,

so Eirwen was unable to see what was undoubtedly Thomas’s amused expression.

Let's break this down, shall we?

We know that Eirwen and Thomas are wearing the same uniform...

They also wear a mask.

And this same mask supposedly makes it unable to see someone's face.

So if you can't see someone's face, then you can't see someone's body.

Which means that Eirwen and Thomas are just swinging their swords blindly.

“Do shut up,” Eirwen groused irritably,

Ah, bad dialogue tags. 

How I loath thee. 

And isn't Eirwen such a good friend?

Tom parries Eirwen's blow and then does a counterattack. 

Eirwen gracefully parried. 

We get it, K. Kamen. 

Eirwen is the best swordsman ever. 

Stop reminding us every five seconds. 

This was the London Open - a fencing competition for national and international fencers. 

Remember this, gentlepersons. 

Because later on, I will explain its significance. 

Eirwen had made it to the final,

It could be just me...

But this sentence seems off. 

Perhaps it would be better if it read: Eirwen had made it to the final round. 

and this last match would determine the gold medal winner and champion of the competition. 

If a person wins a competition, they are crowned the winner and get a medal or a trophy. 

He wanted to make the club he belonged to - the Academy Cadets Club - proud. 

People who participate in a sport or belong in a club want to do their best. 

But at least...

We are told that Eirwen needs one more point to win. 

Eirwen’s muscles were beginning to ache and a pounding headache was beginning to form behind his eyes. His vision was blurring slightly. He blinked rapidly to clear his vision and looked up towards the stands.

These sentences just gave me a migraine.

A good action scene doesn't read like a laundry list. 

Instead it should have descriptions sprinkled throughout. 

What the…?

It is an apt description for this book. 

There perched at the very top of the stands was the oddest girl Eirwen had ever seen. 

And he had seen a chick cosplay as Cthulhu. 

Her wild, long, golden blonde hair with scattered braids was adorned with spring flowers and ivy vines. She was dressed in a green tube dress that was decorated with ivy, and a pair of green ankle boots made out of soft leather. 

Even more laundry list descriptions. 

And wouldn't someone dressed like that be noticed by a lot of people?

Her grass-green eyes were sparkling mischievously and an impish smile quirked her pink, pouty lips.

She looked very ‘fairy-like’ or ‘pixie-like’, 

but she had no wings and was the size of a normal human girl around his age. (Eirwen had just turned eighteen).

Last time I checked, humans don't have wings.

So no shit, Sherlock. 

And "size of a normal human girl"? 

Merriam Webster defined size as "physical magnitude, extent, or bulk : relative or proportionate dimensions."

While height is the "distance from the bottom to the top of someone or something standing upright". 

An example would be: "a woman of average height"

Which means that the right word would be height and not size. 

In conclusion:

Maybe it was just how the sunlight coming in from the windows framed her body with a golden aura that made her look so…otherworldly.

Fairy cosplay? 

Because it is totally normal for someone to have a golden aura. 

Eirwen wondered in bemusement, arching an eyebrow at her.

When Eirwen blinks his eyes, the girl disappears.

What the?

So a girl dressed in a fairy outfit with a golden aura isn't Abby Normal.

But her suddenly disappearing is considered unusual.

Gotta love Eirwen's logic.

Thanks to Eirwen’s well-honed battle reflexes he just barely managed to dodge a lunge from Tom 

I know that I'm supposed to be impressed with Eirwen aka Mr. I haz awesome swordfightin' skillz. 

But it is really obnoxious when Eirwen's alleged badassery is constantly shoved in my face every five seconds. 

- the fencing blade passing his face. 

I know that I'm supposed to clutching my pearls...

But I simply don't give a damn. 

Bloody hell.

My exact words every time a character thinks or does something stupid. 

Eirwen needed to concentrate on his match. 

After taking a deep breath, Eirwen charges forward. And because the plot demands it, he scores the winning point. 

Of course the cheers are "deafening" as everybody stands up and chants "Darling! Darling! Darling!"

Eirwen had to resist the urge to plug up his ears with his index fingers. 

Look at this fencing mask:

Does it look like someone can stick their fingers in their ears?

Eirwen removed his helmet while Tom did the same. 

Wait a tick. 

Originally, they were wearing a mask. 

And now it is a helmet? 

As Mark Twain wisely said: 

So Eirwen is smirking. 

He’d won the match.

His final match. 

Because it will handle the topic of contemplating suicide in a half-assed and almost flippant manner.

Eirwen ran his hand through his "sweaty, short, dark brown hair". 

Tom was grinning at Eirwen cheerily even though he’d lost. 

It means that Tom isn't a sore loser, you dumbass. 

“Brilliant match.”

Don't give Eirwen a verbal handjob. 

So Eirwen shakes Tom's hand and says “Hell yeah.”

Suddenly, Tom asks if Eirwen if he is really quitting fencing. 

Eirwen shrugged carelessly. 

There is no such thing as accidentally or "carelessly" shrugging your shoulders. 

It is a gesture that a person can make. 

Eirwen replies “I’m afraid so." 

So Tom glares at him and demands “Why?”

“Fencing…just doesn’t interest me anymore,” Eirwen lied.

I'll let this speak for itself:

“Bollocks!” Tom swore in a frustrated manner. 

Two things:

Show don't tell 

And...

Tom goes on to say that he knows that Eirwen will return to fencing someday and that he is waiting for "our next rematch." 

He then adds "But next time it will be at the Olympics.”

And I just threw up in my mouth. Want to know why?

Eirwen Darling is so handsome and famous that all the girls want to bang him.

He is also the Chosen One. 

And because of Eirwen's awesome swordfighting' skillz, he could compete at the Olympics...

*deep sigh*

Anywho, Eirwen "half-heartedly agreed" and then looks at his two younger sisters. Their names are Joan and Michelle. 

And like everyone else, they are "waving and screaming his name." Eirwen grins at them. 

His sisters were utterly adorable, and the apples of his eyes.

It could be just me...

But it comes across as incredibly creepy that a brother is describing his younger sisters as being "utterly adorable."

Especially in a book where girls are lusting after the main character because his great grandfather was the inspiration behind a famous children's book.

And said main character has a raging why boner for a genderbent version of Peter Pan who is now a teenage girl with huge bazongas...

So in conclusion:

Joan was eight-years-old, and had the same boring dark brown hair he did. 

...

I didn't know that having brown hair was "boring."

She’d pulled her hair back into a serious ponytail, 

"Serious ponytail"???

I didn't know that ponytails could emote. 

"Serious ponytail" is as asinine as the term female-presenting nipples. 

Joan also wears glasses. 

Michelle, on the other hand, didn’t look related to them. 

Because all siblings must look identical! 

She had blonde hair, which she wore in two pigtails, bright blue eyes, a round cherubic face, and a smattering of freckles along the bridge of her nose. 

'Ello Laundry List O' Doom. 

In real life, a child can look exactly like their mother, their father, or both parents.

And sometimes, they can strongly resemble a grandparent. 

I don't know why K. Kamen thinks it is unusual...

Because people would generally assume that one of the Darling parents was a brunet[te] while the other was a blond[e].  

Michelle was holding a stuffed pink unicorn.

Eirwen met their gazes and held up his sword in a triumphant pose. 

So in other words...

He is posing like this:

So Eirwen is heading towards his siblings with "purposeful steps". 

Out of the corner of Eirwen’s eye, he noticed that a man in a hoodie was approaching his sisters. He didn’t really think anything of it 

Considering the fact that the Darling children are orphans and Eirwen is taking care of them...

You'd think he'd be concerned that a stranger is approaching his sister. 

Especially since said stranger is concealing their face...

until the man suddenly grabbed Michelle, who let out a surprised squeak.

Swiper no swiping!

The man kept one arm wrapped around Michelle’s waist while he turned to face Eirwen and used his right hand to lower his hood to reveal-

It was Woody Allen. 

It was Jim Graveson - an ex-fencer. 

Um... What?

Prior to this scene, Jim was never mentioned or appeared in this chapter. 

But it's painfully obvious that this is supposed to be important because of the dramatic reveal.

So...

We then get an info dump about Jim. 

It turns out that Jim attended the same school as Eirwen. He also belonged to the Academy Cadets Club. 

But Eirwen was forced to quit the club after being expelled from school for getting into fights. 

We are also supposed to believe the following: 

If he hadn’t been expelled, Jim would have participated in the London Open and probably would have ended up in the finals against Eirwen since he was a better fencer than Tom.

That requires a lot of assuming. 

Not only Jim would have to be better than Tom... 

But he would have to be better than everyone else in the fencing club minus Eirwen. 

Also, Tom would have better than all the other contestants in the London Open in order to fight Eirwen. 

It was no secret that Jim had liked to consider himself Eirwen’s rival.

You'd think that a "rival" would be a prominent antagonist and not some random guy who came out of left field. 

Jim was tall and had a lanky physique. His skin was overly pale and he had short curly black hair. He was wearing a Black Sabbath T-shirt, a pair of faded jeans and some muddy sneakers. 

Eirwen’s fan girls probably would have considered Jim to be attractive if it wasn’t for the glazed, slightly psychotic look in his eyes.

Puh-lease!

If that was the case, then you wouldn't have women lusting after Ted Bundy, Edward Cullen, and Christian Grey. 

Eirwen gave the young man a confused look. 

A person who has a "psychotic look" has snatched his sister. 

But this makes Eirwen bewildered.

“Jim.”

“Eirwen,” Jim drawled with a dark edge.

Normally, I would remark on the unnecessary dialogue tag...

But I'm still dumbfounded by Eirwen's idiocy. 

“Why are you doing this, Jim?” Eirwen demanded, trying to keep the panic out of his voice. “Let Michelle go.”

Thank God Eirwen dropped the idiot ball. 

Even though he shouldn't have held it in the first place. 

And show don't tell. 

“Why don’t you make me, Champion,” Jim sneered, his lip curling in disdain.

When a person sneers, they are expressing contempt or disdain towards something.

So...

“W-What?” Eirwen stammered in surprise.

First of all, redundant dialogue tag. 

And secondly...

“You heard me,” Jim drawled, a glint in his gray eyes. “Make me. Fight me with that sword you’re still holding in your hand. I should have been the one to fight you today - not Tom. I would have beaten you and become champion. I’m the real champion of this competition!”

I'm sorry...

But I can't take a villain seriously who gives a long monologue. 

Eirwen shakes his head "in a helpless fashion." He then said “No way, mate.”

Jim reached behind him and pulled out a rapier - a real one with a long, thin, sharp steel blade.

Well...

It would be an awkward situation if Jim was brandishing a toy sword. 

Jim put the edge of the blade against Michelle’s throat. 

Where are the security guards?

Is anyone calling the police? 

How is everyone reacting to the situation? Especially Joan and Tom? 

Why is upcoming fight scene so fucking stupid?

And

“I said…fight me. Or else little Michelle gets it.”

"Take me seriously, even though I'm spewing cliched dialogue."

Eirwen’s amber eyes flashed with anger, and he raised his sword threateningly even though he knew a foil couldn’t really do much damage. 

First of all...

Show don't tell. 

And it begs the question why Eirwen isn't asking Tom to get security or to call the cops. 

So Eirwen asks Jim to let his sister go. 

And Jim is happier than a pig in shit because Eirwen is going to fight him. 

When Eirwen saw a thin cut form on his sister’s neck he flew into action, lunging his sword forward. 

Because when a hostage-taker has a blade pressed against the hostage's throat...

The best thing to do is to charge the hostage-taker head on and unarmed.

There is a reason why there are hostage negotiation courses and people trained in said courses. 

As for Eirwen? He has zero training. 

And what's stopping Jim from slitting Michelle's throat? 

He already gave Michelle a small cut...

Which means that Jim doesn't have any qualms about hurting someone. 

Jim moved his sword away from Michelle’s throat to parry the attack, and their blades clashed.

Because for plot reasons, Michelle can't be hurt or killed by Jim.

If that happened...

Petra Pan won't be thinking that Eirwen is the most heroic and selfless knight eva. 

Because he is the Chosen One... *sigh*

Anywho, Michelle bites Jim's forearm. 

Jim cried out in pain.

“Ah! Why, you insolent little brat!” 

...

"Insolent little brat"?

Anywho, Jim lets go of Michelle and she lands on her butt. Then Joan picks up her sister and runs away. 

"Get back here, you little brats! You'll pay for that!"

And I thought such fantastic dialogue could only be found in The Scorpion King 3. 

Jim heads towards the girls but Eirwen blocks him. But Eirwen doesn't just stop Jim, gentlepersons. 

He "smoothly stepped into his path" and "with his fencing sword raised." 

This is supposed to be an oh so subtle indication that Eirwen is awesome badass. 

 “I thought you wanted to fight me, Jim.”

Silly, Eirwen. 

Character consistency is for squares. 

A twisted smile spread across Jim’s face.

The two young men both got into fencing stances, and sized each other up for a moment.

After the measuring contest, Jim goads Eirwen. He then let out a shout and attacks Eirwen. 

Eirwen easily blocked the reckless attack with his fencing sword. Jim attacked swiftly again and again, but Eirwen continued to deftly block all of Jim’s attacks.

We get it.

Eirwen is allegedly a badass swordsman. Stop reminding us every five seconds. 

Jim was beginning to get pissed and frustrated. 

Letting out a roar, 

Because he is doing a lion impersonation. 

he swung his rapier in a fierce sideways slash. 

Forgive me for not quivering with fear.

So their swords clashed... And thank God, we don't hear about sparks flying.  

Anway, Eirwen's sword breaks. 

Eirwen leapt backwards instinctively, narrowly avoiding the tip of Jim’s sword from grazing against his chest.

I know that this book is hellbent on painting Eirwen as an epic badass...

But I'm not impressed. 

Anyone with more brain cells than Bella Swan would dodge an attack. 

No point had been earned yet though.

Because when a person is in a life or death situation... 

It is important for that individual to be crowned the champion. 

But then Eirwen realized with a sinking feeling in his chest that he should have just let Jim’s sword graze him and lose this impromptu match.

Besides being dead as a doornail...

Eirwen wouldn't be an epic badass who is destined to become The Chosen One. 

Bloody hell. Why am I even playing along with this lunatic? Who the hell cares who wins or loses at this point?

Because buddy boy, once rigor mortis sets in... 

Jim can track down your sisters and brutally murder them. 

Now Eirwen only had the pathetic stump of a fencing sword left to defend himself with while Jim had a real sword that was deadly sharp and dangerous

Well, trying to fight a psychopath instead of calling the police is fifty shades of stupid. 

So...

There was this sinister leer on Jim’s face 

*sigh* 

If Jim was anymore cartoonishly evil, he would be kicking a puppy. 

as he pointed the sword at Eirwen.

Eirwen didn’t fear death.

And I thought Rooster Teeth was the only one who had such an aversion towards show don't tell. 

In fact, he would welcome it, but…

If he did that, he can't pork a buxom Peter Pan. 

And sweet Jesus here comes even more stupidity... 

“Jim, stop this now. You’re already going to be in so much trouble for this.”

That's putting it mildly. 

I don't think the police consider kidnapping and attempted murder to bothersome. 

Eirwen gave the young man a beseeching look. 

It's bad enough that Eirwen is the Chosen One AND an alleged badass swordsman...

But he is now Sir Galahad. 

“Do you really want to throw your life away for this? For one silly match? It’s not worth it. I’m not worth it. As far as I’m concerned you’ve already won this match!”

...

...........

...........................................................

Unfortunately for Eirwen, Jim is not moved by the speech.

Jim replies that he hasn't won the match yet and “Not until I make you bleed!”

Shit. 

An apt description for this book. 

Eirwen realized he had no choice but to fight Jim seriously. 

And Eirwen's inner God stopped doing the safety dance. 

So, the two guys charge each other and Eirwen's cheek is sliced. 

And because Eirwen is wearing Mithril plot armor, he disarms Jim. But he doesn't just disarm someone. 

No, no, no! Only a filthy peasant would do something so mundane as that. 

Eirwen sends Jim's sword flying up in the air. But wait! There is much, much more! 

Eirwen spun and caught the sword by the hilt, and pointed the tip of the rapier to Jim’s throat. 

Anywho...

Eirwen tells Jim to yield but Jim refused. 

 Jim reached into his hoodie and pulled out a handgun. 

Remember when I promised to explain the significance of the London Open?

If so... *offers a platter of cupcakes *

Anywho... This whole situation is fifty shades of stupid. 

The London Open is for national and international fencers. 

Which means that there should be security guards.

And newfangled technology called metal detectors. 

Because with lax security, you are asking for trouble.

But silly me, things like logic and common sense doesn't exist in this book. 

People immediately screamed at the sight of it and began to run for the exits in the hall.

Nobody was alarmed when a kid was held hostage by a psychopath.

Or when said psychopath demanded a duel with Eirwen. 

They only freaked out when the psychopath brandished a gun.

Eirwen looks at the gun and sighs. 

“You have got to be kidding me. Bad form, mate.”

I know this is supposed to another subtle sign that Eirwen is honorable and a knight in shining armor...

But this makes Eirwen look like a moron. 

“Eirwen!” his sisters cried out simultaneously in their worry.

So Jim points the gun at Eirwen's sisters. 

Eirwen’s eyes flared in alarm. 

Having a burst of fire shooting out of your eyes must hurt like a son of a bitch. 

No! 

Anyway, Eirwen jumps in front of Jim. He then tries to take the gun. But Jim pulls the trigger. 

Eirwen looked down and noticed the bright red spot spreading on his shoulder, blooming like a red flower on his white fencing uniform. 

Wow...

Just like Cassandra Clare, K. Kamen writes weird similes. 

And like a honey badger, Eirwen doesn't give a shit. Instead, he thinks: Heh, I’ve been shot.

Eiwen wondered dazedly why it didn’t hurt. 

Maybe it is because Eirwen took some morphine.

Or...

It is because the author doesn't realize that if someone was shot, they would be in pain. 

Suddenly, Eirwen grins as he starts to lose consciousness. 

Hopefully this has killed me. That’d be great.

You know what?

This is the first time that I agree with Eirwen. 

Out of the corner of his eye, Eirwen caught sight of a flash of gold and green.

I'll give you three guesses and the first two don't count.

A green mist enveloped the handgun 

and it was wrenched out of Jim’s hand and sent flying, 

It could be just me but...

I think the word "wrenched" should be replaced with yanked. 

skidding across the gymnasium floor.

The gun flew out of Jim's hand.

Unless Jim was on the floor, the gun would have flown through the air and hit a wall. 

Jim loosed a cry of alarm and he too went flying, 

First of all, show don't tell. 

Also, the word "loosed" made my head hurt. 

It would be better if the sentence read: Jim screamed and he went flying. 

but Eirwen hadn’t touched him. 

Huh…? What’s going on?

Something supernatural, you twit. 

“Eirwen! Eirwen!” His sisters were shouting his name,  but they sounded so far away.

Um... 

Why are his sisters the only ones concerned about Eirwen?

Wouldn't Tom be upset?

And where is he? 

This was the last thing Eirwen remembered before he lost consciousness.

And unfortunately for the reader, the story continues. 

[horacedesimone8-blog]

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