#lair matic

[moorheadthanyoucanhandle]

PO THINGS

Opening this weekend:

Kung Fu Panda 4--The titular mammal, Po, has been promoted from "Dragon Warrior" to the more exalted status of Spiritual Leader, and is expected to find and train a replacement for his former position. But he'd rather not; he'd like to just keep having butt-kicking adventures on his own.

This entry, set again in a fairy-tale Chinese past inhabited by talking animals, has Po capturing Zhen, a light-footed cutpurse fox. The "Furious Five" of the earlier films is away on assignment, so the imprisoned Zhen talks Po into letting her serve as a guide on a quest to the distant lair of a villainous shape-shifting lizard, The Chameleon. See where this is headed?

This Dreamworks series has been at the less exhausting, more rewarding end of the CGI animated family flick spectrum starting with the original, back in 2008, and continuing with the first two sequels. It's hard to say if it will be sustainable from now on, but this fourth film, at least, keeps the streak going. The story deals in the usual kid-movie platitudes, but the lighting-fast yet precise slapstick sequences are exciting, and rise at times to laugh-out-loud funny even for adults.  

The voice cast in this film, as in the earlier films, is unusually strong too. Jack Black is exuberant as ever as Po, and is joined again by Dustin Hoffman as the red panda master Shifu, Bryan Cranston as Po's biological father and the great James Hong as Po's adoptive father (a goose, you'll recall). Ian McShane returns from the first film as a sinister snow leopard. New cast members include Ke Huy Quan as a pangolin bandit, and the mighty and menacing Viola Davis as The Chameleon. But the showcase new role is Awkwafina as Zhen; she fits the series like a glove.

In another pretty good touch: Tenacious D rousingly covers "Hit Me Baby One More Time" over the credits.

Opening today at Harkins Shea 14:

Pitch People--Back in the late '60s I was fascinated by the Veg-o-Matic, the infamous manual vegetable chopper sold on TV by Ronco; it's one of my earliest consumerist memories. After numerous appeals to my poor Mom, she wearily ordered one, and we quickly learned that it did not significantly improve the efficiency of her kitchen. Decades later my kid, around the age of eight, insisted on ordering a Snackeez, a drinking cup with a compartment for snacks at the top likewise peddled on TV. The speed with which she lost interest in it was ineffably heart-tugging to me; I could hear "The Circle of Life" playing in my head.

This documentary, directed by Stanley Jacobs, is about the people who have sold products of all kinds, with kitchen gadgets a special favorite, by "pitching" them; demonstrating them with a performer's panache. The art goes back thousands of years, no doubt--it's described here as "the second oldest profession"--but this movie's focus is on the American and British practitioners who took it from boardwalks, notably Atlantic City, to state fairs to shopping malls to TV commercials and later, after Reagan-era deregulation, to "infomercials." 

It's a brisk, amusing, revealing chronicle. Strikingly, many of the veterans we meet here are related to each other, members of the Morris family, with connections to the Popeil family behind Ronco (the credits pointedly declare that "RON POPEIL WOULD NOT GRANT AN INTERVIEW FOR THIS FILM"). They gleefully dissect the strategies for separating audience members from their money, but they don't seem contemptuous of them, and we're told that they truly believe in their products. In any case, they show a certain guileless pride in their performing skills. It's as if the entertainment value of their pitches should offset any disappointment in what they're selling.

Along with Arnold and Lester Morris, talking heads here include Ed McMahon, an Atlantic City pitch veteran before his TV stardom, and Wally Nash, a Brit whose effortless old-school pitch of the "hand-hammered wok from the People's Republic of China" I watched countless times on late-TV in DC. Re-watching it on YouTube I was amazed at how much of I could still say along with him; I wanted to buy one every freakin' time I saw it. 

Inevitably the extended footage of performances makes up the strongest passages of Pitch People. It's also hilarious when we see behind-the-scenes footage of an infomercial rehearsal in which the presenters break several demo models of a slicer before realizing that they're using it wrong.

Alas, a number of the pitchers featured here have left us, as this movie was made in 1999. It saw play at festivals back then but was not picked up by a distributor, and actually had to be restored before it could get a proper release, a quarter of a century after it was completed. There's a delicious and stinging irony in the fact that this movie about selling failed, until now, to sell. Maybe it needed a better pitch.

[reasontowhine]

The John and John Show One John Only 2/10/2020

Keith (Lair) Matic - I Really Want To Stay (Lost In Rome)

Persian Rugs - St. Peter’s Infirmary

The Reactions - Happy

The Replacements - Can’t Hardly Wait (The Tim Version)

New Salem Witch Hunters - Goodbye/It’s Time/To Die

The Records - Starry Eyes

Quazi Modo - Feel

Richard Hell and the Voidoids - Time

~Metrosquad - Tellin’ Lies~

Mirrors - She Smiled Wild

GG King - Another Dimension

Piccadilly Circus - Till I Get To The Top

MC5 - Looking At You

Great Plains - Hamburger Boy

Wreckless Eric - Reconnez Cherie

The Pictorian Skiffuls - In A While

V-3 - Bristol Girl

The Missed - I Wanna Know

Lucky Pierre - Automatic

~Gem - Blow Daddy-O~

[kaypeace21]

Vecna theory

So unless they rounded up the years - he's been there for 20 years. And unless there's time travel shenanigans. Vecna can't be Billy's corpse. And el ,as a little kid, couldn't have created vecna via throwing 001 into the upsidedown . Because El is only like 14-15 now.

So like... is it Victor's son? Unless, it's after the creel m*ders and he became an experiment or just worked at a lab (as peter cause he changed his name), and years later was trapped in the UD- the timeline doesn't quite fit either (it's 7 years off). 7 ref? Hmm. Vecna's lair , is the creel house after all.

freddy k refs are also all over s4. And in the freddy k comic - freddy was a human who became a literal monster because all the ab*se infl*cted on him ,by his father. Then he as an (adult) dream-monster preyed on kids/teens who also had ab*sive/n*glectful parents. I supposed it would sort of fit the themes we've seen in the past ( with papa, Neil, and lonnie). Which could be an explanation for why the monsters target certain people more than others. And why they mainly targeted Will, billy, and el, in prior seasons. Chrissy' allegedly has an ab*sive mother and is also targeted by vecna. And max had to deal with Billy ,her family, being ab*sive to her (and I'm not sure how her parents are treating her now). Which could also be why it's targeting her too ??? Will may be right , and the monsters go for "another me"- aka they may target people who have similar tra*matic upbringings stemming from familial tra*ma or other means too? We already see how the creels parallel the byers too: the de*d bunny, artist son who wears flannel, both families moving into new place, etc. And the rose door (where victor may or maynot hurt his family infront of) is also like how the demogorgan's face resembles a flower. In past seasons flowers have been associated with the fathers in the series. And demogorgan means "deep father".

" Growing up in foster care, Krueger ( maybe creel's son?) was bullied relentlessly because his bio dad was living in a mental asylum . In his late teens he m*rdered his abusive Step Father, leaving and burning the house down in his wake."

" (st's) Vecna (prob minfayer?) is a highly intelligent villain who will use a mixture of traumatic dreams, possession and portals to take over our realm and take down the cast."freddy k ref: freddy creates nightmarish dreams .

Also alot of inspirations for st: have the monsters mirror and shape-shift into multiple characters' fears + tra*ma (at least 12 films) . ( pennywise + the elmstreet and hellraiser franchises have monsters make dark fantasy versions of peoples' fears/memories - all 3 are cited as vecna inspo). Plus, the the upsidedown already mirrors various character's tra*ma: most prevalently el (monsters mirror her because her fear of being a monster/the monsters also parallel the lab ), Will/jonathan (demogorgan and mf mirror their dad, and media they consume), and hopper (the cave symbolized his depression, and the vines were sarah's ventilator ). And another st inspo is silent hill: the monsters inhabiting the dark-alternate-version of the town, reflect the dark underbelly /fears and tra*ma of all the real towns' people. Upsidedown is a : "dark reflection of our world" after all. In silent hill : the dark-version of the town,inhabited by monsters, was initally created by a psychic character with an ab*sive parent.

Freddy kreuger's childhood: and his step dad

Freddy (robert englund-victor) as a dad

Looks like alice. Also if one or both Creel kids did survive . Similar to freddy's daughter being spared by freddy. It would certainly negativily affect the kids mentally . I do think victor may have been possessed- and is somewhat a victim of circumstance. but maybe not? the shinning was on the s4 inspo list . We know (in the film) the dad was still ab*sive to his psychic son ,before the possession .And his possession just exacerbated his worst impulses .so who knows how i feel about Victor. The supernatural-messes, in the series may have started because of ab*sive parenting inflicted on 1 psychic child ." Every ending has a beginning". Vecna: "you're misery is coming to an end."

We even see before the possession the son is the only one frowning in the photo. I guess it could mean he just doesn't like getting his photo taken... but maybe it's a hint the boy is dealing with something internally (long before they move into the house).

Of course (crack theory) it's possible Will did create the mindflayer/ vecna/upsidedown (and gave them a backstory resembling his own- via the creel house). Will being handed the forever clock= vecna (means "forever" + the creel clock). Will being handed the "devil's baby" firework = demogorgan is eyeless like victor , and in d&d is a "demon father". Victor even mentions demons . Not to mention Will said the mindflayer-drawing was for a story he's writing. in d&d mindflayers are from the future and go into the past to create themselves ( which may be why all the upsideown creatures are associated with clocks).of course the parallels could be more symbolic. Regardless-

I'm just genuinely curious if it's indeed 20 years. Or if they threw that time-detail in, so the confused fandom scrambles to figure out what that means. Cause it throws a wrench in most of the popular theories on vecna,if true. So is the creel-son vecna instead? I wonder how it'll all fit together in the end?

[talietikasero]

Another Sw/Sh trophy / achievement list because why the hell not, this time for the expansions. The list I made for the base game can be found here

Key: If one has parentheses around the text, it’s a hidden / secret. If a character or pokemon’s name has brackets, it’s intended to be represented as [???]

1. "Sun's Out, Guns Out" - Obtain all Isle of Armor trophies / achievements

Isle of Armor "trophy / achievement list"

2. "A Lukewarm Welcome" - Defeat Klara / Avery for the first time

3. "New Threads" - Received the Style Pass

4. "New Student Champion" - Arrive at the Master Dojo

5. "The First Three Steps" - Clear Mustard's introductory tasks

6. "Beary Tough" - Obtain Kubfu

7. "A New Power" - Give your starter the Gigantamax Factor

8. "Soup du Jour" - Give five capable pokemon the Gigantamax Factor via Max Soup

9. ("Swift as a Coursing River" / "The Dark Side of the Moon" - Evolve Kubfu into Urshifu at the Tower of Waters / Tower of Darkness)

10. ("Ursa Major" - Give Urshifu the Max Honey)

11. ("The Student Has Become the Master" - Defeat [Dojo Master Mustard] at his full strength)

12. ("Just for You" - Received [Klara's / Avery's] rare card)

13. "Souvenirs from Paradise" - Return all 151 Alolan Diglett and received all of the Diglett trainer's gifts

14. "Not on Holiday, Part One" - Discover all named locations on the Isle of Armor and triggered all Flying Taxi spots

15. "Mental Training" - Complete the Isle of Armor pokedex

16. ("Digital Download" - Received [Porygon] from Hyde)

17. "Cram It!" - Used Hyde's Cram-o-matic 100 times

18. ("What Are You Doing Here?" - Have a friendly meeting with a gym leader or rival)

Challenge:

1. ("Matron Maxima" - Defeat [Dojo Matron Honey])

2. ("A Truly Generous Donation" - Fully upgrade the Master Dojo and receive [Honey]'s rare card)

3. ("Think Inside the Box" - Cleared one type of Restricted Sparring)

4. ("All Within Acceptable Limits" - Clear all types of Restricted Sparring)

The Crown Tundra "trophy / achievement list"

1. "Winter Wonderland" - Obtain all Crown Tundra trophies / achievements

2. "I Feel Like I've Seen You Before..." - Meet Peony and Nia

3. "It's Dangerous to Go Alone" - Complete your first Dynamax Adventure at the Max Lair

4. ("Th-...the Pokemon from the Statue!?" - Meet Calyrex)

5. ("My Violent Pony" - Defend Freezington from [Spectrier or Glastrier])

6. ("The Ancient King" - Capture [Calyrex])

7. ("I Know Why the Caged Birds Screech" - Capture Galarian Articuno, Zapdos, and Moltres)

8. ("Three of a Kind" - Awaken and capture Regice, Regirock, and Registeel)

9. ("Split Decision" - Awaken and capture ([Regieleki or Regidrago])

10. ("Live by the Swords" - For Sonia, track down and capture [the Swords of Justice [Cobalion, Virizion, Terrakion]])

11. ("That Was Fun!" - Clear all of Peony's "Adven-Tours")

12. ("Young and Rebellious (A Tale of Two Brothers)" - Received [Peony]'s rare card)

13. "Not on Holiday, Part Two" - Discover all named locations in the Crown Tundra and triggered all Flying Taxi spots

14. "Fact Versus Fiction" - Complete the Crown Tundra pokedex

15. "Past the Smoke" - Completed 50 Dynamax Adventures, regardless of success or failure

16. ("Into the Depths" - Unlocked Endless Adventure mode)

17. ("Smog Check" - Obtained [Cosmog])

18. ("Campsite Visitor" - Capture [Keldeo])

19. ("Rise from the Grave" - Capture [Spiritomb])

20. ("Visitor from the Ultra Beyond" - Capture [Necrozma])

21. ("Awaken, Our Master" - Capture [Regigigas])

22. "A Perfect Pair" - Cleared Galarian Star Tournament for the first time

23. ("Works Well With Others" - Unlocked at least seven possible GST partners)

24. ("I'm a People Person. Really." - Won GST with 15 different partners)

25. ("Not You (Two) Again...!" - Learn the identities of the mystery team)

26. ("Shine Bright" - Won with all 17 partners)

[medea10]

Medea Plays Pokemon Sword (&Shield): Part VII

Well, it has been a couple of months since the last update. Quite honestly, I did a few little tidbits with my games when I got the opportunity.

Like give my team the Gigantamax treatment.

Make more items on the abomination-o-matic

(nice callback to Kurt)

Get my certificate (only for the first pokedex)

I made this little bitch cry again.

I celebrated my birthday!

Honey, 2020 has been a trip and I hope to God it ends faster than a battle against a Magikarp that only knows Splash.

Pound my friggin’ head against a wall because this dex entry made me recall an unpleasant Pokemon episode.

My rage is rising...RISING DAMMIT!

And watch Honey quickly become best girl of the game.

Did, um...Did she kick his ass for real?

Can we please see her in anime form?

ON TO THE TUNDRA!

South of Galar is the frozen wasteland known as the Crown Tundra. As soon as you arrive, you’ll get an update in your pokedex and you’ll run into some trouble.

Is this a stranger danger moment or just some snotty teenager moment?

Either way, you battle this fella so that his daughter can escape his clingy father’s clutches.

Heads up, this fool has level 70+ steel-type pokemon. Much like a certain other person in this game. But we’ll get to that when we get to that.

Peony’s daughter leaves and goes to a place called the Max Lair. A place filled to the brim with legendary pokemon.

You rent pokemon. Go down different paths. After three rounds, then you can go up against a legendary. The automatic players aren’t as useless as normal raid battles. And you can always ask friends and relations on the internet to join you.

Let’s talk to our good mate, Peony.

No wonder his daughter wants to ditch him. Peony’s a fall-down drunk.

Wow, he very well could be a fall-down drunk. And then this...

Good eye. Actually, Peony is in fact Chairman Rose’s brother. Even Oleanna was confused.

Let’s head off to the one town in this frozen tundra.

Freezington? Oh, Pokemon...

Before I get to the tasks, let’s go skulking around the areas.

FUCK!

Nobody. Absolutely no-fucking-body missed these blood-sucking, annoying as fuck, blue-balled fucks. Say what you will about this game and the lack of essential pokemon, not seeing Zubat for a straight 11 months in a game was a God-send!

NEBBY IS OUT OF THE BAG!

NEBBY IS OUT OF THE BAG!

Lady, that’s not a Fwoofy. That’s a Nebby!

You will receieve Cosmog after you save the town of Freezington.

Only I could be so fucking thrilled about being followed by two Clefables. To be fair, only one of those is wild. Missy was just following me and ignoring the wild one.

I got my sixth OG pokemon pal, Lucy the Dratini.

FYI, not every pokemon is in the Crown Tundra pokedex. I still await Ampharos. But the Dratini line-up makes me very happy.

This giant tree. You can shake it. No fruit comes down. But if you shake it just right...

Giant, fat squirrely. Gigantamaxed!

Well, onto the missions with Peony.

In the tundra, there’s a huge tree you can see from a long ways away. That’s where the Galarian Zapdos, Moltres, and Articuno are.

And I disturbed the harmony of fire, ice, and lightening.

If you don’t get what I just said, fuck off.

The three birds took off in different directions and start causing havoc throughout the Galar region.

Moltres will flap around the Isle of Armor

Zapdos will run around in Wild Area

And Articuno will troll you in the coldest area of the Crown Tundra.

It should also be worth mentioning that the Galarian forms are different types. Moltres is part dark, Zapdos is part fighting, and Articuno is part psychic.

Disturb not the harmony of Dark, Psychic, and Fighting.

Next up...

*singing incoherently* YEAGER!

Sorry, force of habit.

Throughout the tundra are giant buildings that require you of something in order for it to open. Much like the Ruby/Sapphire games, you go through some tedious tasks just to get the Regi-trio. On top of that, they give us the same OST.

Once you capture Regirock, Registeel, and Regice, you can get one of the new Regis. But you can only pick one. Either the dragon type or electric type.

And finally...

This one is kind of a lengthy mission. It starts with taking the head of a statue from Peony (who has been using it as a pillow).

Dude. Why would you think the head of a statue is a fucking pillow?

Lay off the Absolut, would ya?!

Once you return the head onto the statue, a new pokemon would like a word with you.

But wait Medea, pokemon can’t talk.

Taken care of!

Here’s a human host.

And this happens time...

And time...

And time again!

Shouldn’t have insulted Calyrex’s head, mate.

It’s been eons since anyone has sighted Calyrex and only some of the elders of Freezington know about it. So after asking village elders, talking to the mayor, buying carrot seeds, and planting carrot seeds, we’re about to meet Calyrex’s noble steed.

Calyrex does not have that much power, but if he has his noble steed maybe it could happen. Just that Rin Sohma over here is stubborn. And we have to chase it to the highest, coldest part of Crown Tundra. Plus have the mayor and Peony craft an item that’ll attach both pokemon when they’re together.

God Peony, get it together.

Once these two are together again, you may battle them and catch them.

Once captured, you can detach both pokemon with the special item you crafted during the mission. FYI, Pokemon HOME will not allow you to put the fused one in the box.

Now that all three missions are finished, Peony’s daughter Peonia will show up.

And totally ruin the moment with his daughter.

I thought he was trying to propose to her to be honest. After Peonia runs off in disgust and Peony chases after her it looks like the adventure isn’t over yet.

Eh...I’ll take a break from this portion.

Another thing to do in the Crown Tundra...

Tracking footprints.

And suddenly I remember having to complete that fat-fuck, Zygardre.

Sonia is doing some research and once you get 100% in three areas, it’ll open the doors to some more legendaries.

And finally...

If you’re from the Trump campaign, I’m reporting you to the police for harassment.

Oh God, it’s Leon.

Well, the hammy, former-champion wants to flex his muscles by doing yet another tournament. Where you can battle alongside someone.

Fuck’s sake, this skank is here too?

Yeah, depending on what game you play Klara and Avery return to compete and to tell you that they are now a gym leader (in the minor division).

Old age?

If Leon is old to Raihan, what does that make someone like Opal?

It works much like the league rematches, except you’re in doubles with the person of your choice.

Well, this has been a wild ride filled with legendaries. Lots and lots and LOTS of legendaries.

And no Ampharos!

One can only wonder if there’ll be another game expansion with more DLC’s in the future. I mean, there’s a good chunk of the entire pokedex that’s still prohibited from being in the game. Now, are these expansion packs worth the extra $30 per game? I found joy in these. But I know some people who are disenchanted by how small these side quests are or the lack of their favorite pokemon or some other such bitching.

I honestly don’t think there’ll be any more surprise areas of the Galar region for there to be another side quest. Unless they create an Ireland for us to fly to that has a town full of Wooloos and Mareeps. It should be a thing, but it isn’t. What will the future hold for Sword and Shield? Will we get more in the coming year or will the creators move onto bigger and more exciting projects?

In the meantime, I’m going to fill up these pokedexes.

I’m sure there’s gotta be some more fucked-up entries that rival the ghost types.

And just like that, I have vivid Cell from DBZ flashbacks.

[bsoulstone]

How Second Power Rangers Reboot Film Best Looked Like

Back when Power Rangers franchise gained its first live-action reboot film in 2017, I was excited because Power Rangers has always been one of my favorite franchises in my childhood. The reboot film was remarkable, yet I understood that it still left something to be desired among fans and other viewers alike that another reboot is much more likely than sequel. So, I have some opinions regarding how the film's second reboot best looked like:

Balanced Drama and Action

Many people complained that 2017 film had too many drama parts than action ones. While adding dramas in a story can help improve it, such parts shouldn't be emphasized too much over the rest of the elements in a story.

Lore Improvements

While the next reboot should be more faithful to source material than 2017 one, I felt it's best that the new reboot retained/incorporated some elements from the latter in this manner:

Zordon is once again a sage as with in Mighty Morphin Power Rangers who stuck in a giant tube-like object, but spent his youth as the member of an order of warriors who preceeded Power Rangers as a nod to his 2017 version whom is more like a "drill sergeant ".

Rita Repulsa resembles her Mighty Morphin Power Rangers incarnation more, being an alien witch who locked in a dumpster for 3000 years by Zordon himself. As the allusion for her 2017 film counterpart however, she is revealed to once a comrade for Zordon before getting kicked out for practicing black magic and conspired with Zedd and alien alchemist Finster.

Putty Patrollers are sentient clay constructs produced by Finster as with in Mighty Morphin Power Rangers, albeit clad in suit of armor comprised of magically reinforced rock to portray them a bit more villainous. A squadron of Putties usually led by a Putty Commander whose form much golem-like — Putty Commanders are meant to be the nod for golem-like Putties in 2017 film.

Goldar is once again, flying monkey/ape-like alien clad in golden armor and Rita's associate as with in Mighty Morphin Power Rangers. To allude his 2017 counterpart, he possesses a trump card in form of the ability to conjure a doppelganger of himself which comprised of molten gold in varying size with Megazord-sized one being the strongest. He can also pilot his golden doppelganger from within to increase its combat parameters.

Finster appears as a minion for Rita and as with in Mighty Morphin Power Rangers, and has Monster-Matic in his disposal. The only problem for Rangers is, he mass-produced the machines for solar system/galaxy-scale conquest.

As with in Mighty Morphin Power Rangers, Moon Palace is Rita's evil lair stationed at the moon. To emphasize the lair's alien nature while maintaining its faithfulness to the source material, Moon Palace in the film should be portrayed as the alternate configuration of a technomagic space cruiser akin to Castle of Lions from Voltron: Legendary Defender. As such, it has a hangar full of demonic dropships that double as fighters along with the massive Serpentera itself! Fortunately, Zordon had damaged the ship's system enough so Moon Palace's ability to reconfigure into its cruiser form become inaccessible for a time being, let alone having enough power to activate and/or recharge Serpentera.

The Command Center would be the Rangers' headquarters on Earth as with in Mighty Morphin Power Rangers, albeit with a bit of alien aesthetics due to comprised of Morphin Grid-powered systems true to Zordon's heritage. As a nod to 2017 film, it has a hangar which houses a spacecraft large enough to carry all 5 zords for interstellar travel.

Note: Most of things that I stated in this post are my personal opinion regarding how the reboot of Power Rangers film best looked like so, don't assume this to be a spoiler for the reboot plan of the film!

[turtlethon]

“Enter: Mutagen Man”

Season 5, Episode 6 First US Airdate: September 21, 1991

A mutagen-related accident causes a nerdy courier to become the shape-shifting Mutagen Man.

Our trip through the fifth season of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles continues with “Enter: Mutagen Man”. David Wise is back on writing duty for this adventure, which aired back-to-back with “Donatello’s Badd Time”.

Today Donatello has dragged the other Turtles along to watch the launch of a rocket which is heading on a four-year mission to explore the surface of the planet Venus. A little odd that such a thing would be taking place in the middle of New York, but not entirely unprecedented given that we also saw the launch of Donald J. Lofty’s trash rocket out of the city last season. While sneaking around the grounds of the rocket site, the team notice a Central-Matic Waste Disposal system, a wall-mounted hose that sucks up dirt into a central incinerator. The Turtles are spotted by a cantankerous security guard, and quickly drive off in their van.

In the Technodrome, Krang complains to Shredder that Rocksteady and Bebop need to hurry and get the ingredients required for a new batch of mutagen prior to the rocket’s launch. When Shreds points out he already knows this, Krang declares “I’m not – I'm telling the audience!” (This gag was funnier when they did it the other way round two years ago in “Super Bebop & Mighty Rocksteady”.) In what must be one of the most potentially horrifying things our villains have ever plotted, their scheme today involves placing the mutagen in the fuel tanks of the rocket, with the resulting vapor trail covering the city in the substance and mutating New York’s citizens.

Bebop and Rocksteady return to the abandoned chemical plant Shredder is working out of, and recount in detail their failure to retrieve a supply of Byndex-3, a critical component for the mutagen. The conversation is interrupted by a visiting courier, a stereotypically nerdy man called Seymour Gutz who mistakes the plant for a flower shop and insists upon dropping off a letter there. The Boys open fire upon the platform he’s standing on, knocking him into a vat of mutagen; due to the absence of Byndex-3 in the mix, the courier’s body parts begin to separate. Showing his trademark disdain for human life, Krang cares little for the fate of this intruder but is furious that his mutagen has been contaminated.

The Turtles return to the Lair in time to see April report live from outside the premises of Ace Scientific Company. The location was raided earlier by two men said to be wearing animal masks, who tried to steal the site’s supplies of Byndex-3. In another “I think the Turtles get stupider every year” moment, the team are baffled as to who these mystery men could possibly be, and even after Splinter nudges them along by suggesting the men might not have been wearing masks at all, it still takes them a few moments to figure out this was the work of Bebop and Rocksteady.

Shredder, Bebop and Rocksteady have worked to retrieve Seymour from the chemical vat and find a way to keep the remains of his body together. Now sporting a head that looks like Krang’s with dentures, a translucent torso and a tank mounted on his back that provides a steady supply of a “powerful mutation-causing agent” that sustains his form, he’s dubbed “Mutagen Man” by Rocksteady.

Understandably despondent, Seymour declares that he’d be better off if he looked like Bebop before unwittingly taking on the warthog henchman’s form, becoming his exact double. Impressed, Krang instructs the former courier to try turning into Shredder (and somehow extends one of his tentacles through the screen he’s appearing on.) Seymour complies, taking on Shredder’s appearance, then cycling through the forms of Rocksteady, Krang and Bebop once again before winding back in his default Mutagen Man state. Shredder encourages Seymour to infiltrate the Ace Scientific building and retrieve the Byndex-3, as it’s the only way he’ll be able to assume his old form and permanently stay that way.

The Turtles sneak into the Ace building via a basement grate, but are confronted by a stereotypical Irish officer, another bit that was done better in season three with Sergeant O’Flaherty. This guy isn’t even a policeman though, but rather a security guard named Butch O’Reilly, and in a sign of how much the series has changed in two years, he carries a laser gun instead of a revolver like his predecessor. Meanwhile, Seymour assumes the form of a different guard. He infiltrates the building, retrieves the Byndex-3 and prepares to make his exit as the first act ends.

As we return from commercials, Seymour finds his mutation has worn off. Working nearby are April and Irma, fresh off their recent report on the earlier raiding of the building. When April points out that the cable on their camera is damaged, Irma heads into a nearby maintenance closet to get some tape. (An odd thing to do, it must be said, since the contents of that closet aren’t theirs to take.) Seymour traps Irma in the closet, assuming her form and meeting up with April. When quizzed as to what happened to the tape, the new Irma has no idea what’s even being talked about, to April’s frustration. There’s no time to quibble, however, as Burne needs them both to return to Channel 6’s offices.

O’Reilly continues to hold the Turtles at gunpoint. Assuming them to be “green monsters”, he calls his superior, convinced this will lead to him getting a promotion, but reaches a busy line. Meanwhile Seymour watches April load equipment into the news van, before realising his mutation into Irma’s form is beginning to wear off. Panicking, he runs away, leaving April puzzled. The Byndex-3 is now in the Channel 6 news van, and heading back to the station’s headquarters, and so Seymour finds himself forced to return to Shredder for further guidance. Back in the Ace building, Irma finally manages to charge through the door of the maintenance closet and escape.

April arrives back at Channel 6 and is perplexed to find a container of Byndex-3 among the equipment retrieved from the van. The real Irma storms into the room and is furious at April for leaving without her while she was trapped in the closet. (Thoughtfully, she did indeed bring back a roll of tape as requested.) Nothing in Irma’s story lines up with April’s recollection of events, and so the reporter reaches out to the Turtles to help make sense of things.

The green teens and April discuss their respective predicaments via Turtlecom, with O’Reilly continuing to wait on the line as he points his gun at our heroes. He finally makes it through to his Chief and explains he’s captured “four green monsters in the basement of the Ace Scientific company”. After being met with disbelief, he declares that if it turns out he hasn’t captured a quartet of monsters, he’ll turn in his badge. Upon hanging up, he finds the Turtles have escaped, and hurls his badge on the ground in a fit of rage. (This scene has me thinking perhaps he was supposed to be a cop after all, and the episode just decided to confuse the issue by having police officers and security guards both wear the same uniforms.)

Seymour is sneaking around near the Channel 6 building when he spots the Turtles approaching it. He assumes the form of Michaelangelo, walking along behind the team and creating confusion after he successfully mimics the real Mikey’s voice. Seeking a distraction to keep the Turtles away from the Bindex-3, he then becomes an old lady, standing in the middle of the street and pretending to be in danger. After Donatello and Michaelangelo intervene, Seymour lures them into a nearby alley and traps them in a dumpster. Becoming Mikey again, Seymour meets up with Leo and Raph, insisting that a construction worker perched atop a nearby building is “in mortal danger”. The two Turtles take the bait, running off to help and leaving the imposter to enter the Channel 6 building.

Inside the station offices, Seymour overhears a conversation between Burne Thompson and Vernon Fenwick, in which the belligerent boss growls about Vernon’s talk show’s low viewership – apparently the “Vernon” show we saw back in “The Dimension X Story” has continued to be a thing this whole time. Seymour adopts the form of the snide reporter, and briefly has an interaction with the real Vernon – who thinks nothing of this, writing off his double as being nothing more than “a handsome fellow” - before running into April and Irma. After being teased by Irma about the impending cancellation of his show, the fake Vernon seems disinterested. He picks up the container of Byndex-3 and announces that the Ace company asked him to return it. April is highly suspicious of Vernon’s uncharacteristic behaviour, and decides to track her colleague.

Leonardo and Raphael scale the construction site and meet up with the worker who they were told was in danger. Given that this was a ruse by Seymour the man is initially confused, but after getting a look at the duo he begins screaming about the arrival of “alien monsters”. The other men working at the site turn out to attack the Turtles, including the guy April interviewed back in “Menace, Maestro, Please”, who both was and wasn’t working at the Floxy Theater.

April’s attempts to trail Vernon fall apart after she screams upon seeing him turn back into his Mutagen Man form. He takes the reporter to an overhead tramway, politely explaining that he’s only following the orders given to him to eliminate any witnesses to his activities. Seymour ties April to the tramway’s cable mechanisms, which pull her toward a pair of large whirring wheels and her impending demise as act two ends.

Act three begins with another of the “Menace, Maestro, Please” construction workers confronting Leo and Raph, as he’s also convinced that the Turtles are alien invaders. Raphael goes some way towards lampshading the improbability of anyone in New York not knowing who the Turtles are at this point by declaring that they must have seen them on TV. The moustachioed man counters that they do, “and the first thing you alien invaders do is learn our language!” He opens fire with a nail gun, and after almost getting hit by a sledgehammer from April’s former interviewee, the two Turtles end up dropping off the side of the building. Flinging themselves back up, Raphael and Leonardo have a barrel full of grease knocked in their way to deter them, but wind up using this to slide past the workmen and down a nearby dump chute. Landing back on the street, they run into Donatello and Michaelangelo, who have since managed to free themselves from the dumpster.

In a sequence that’s just one long parade of implausible moments, April manages to contact our heroes via her Turtlecom, which is in one of the chest pockets of her jumpsuit, without the use of her hands. Clearly now only a few feet away from the spinning wheels, she tells the Turtles that they need to get to the East River Skytrain “in about one minute”. Leonardo declares that they’re only a few blocks away, and in the next shot the team are seen riding atop the roof of a bus, arriving outside the tramway tours office. April is somehow still alive, and Raphael jams a sai into one of the nearby wheels at the last possible second.

With the clock ticking until the rocket launch, Krang and Shredder realise they’ll need to add the Byndex-3 to the mutagen at the launch site due to its late arrival. Seymour returns with the cannister and expects to be restored to his original form. In a particularly cruel moment, not only does Shredder refuse to do so, he goes out of his way to disconnect the cable leading to the tank on the mutant’s back, an act that will cause him to eventually fall apart.

The Turtles and April arrive at the abandoned chemical plant after Shredder makes his exit in a transport module. There, they find Seymour running around, mutagen gushing out of the cable connected to his body. After Donatello hooks it back up, the team learn of Mutagen Man’s origins and Shredder’s current plan.

Bebop and Rocksteady are being given their marching orders at the rocket site by Shredder when Krang arrives in his own transport module, insisting on supervising the Scheme of the Day himself. The Turtles also show up and start to execute a plan of their own, restraining The Boys and having Seymour assume the form of Bebop. The fake version of the henchman lures Krang into being captured by the Turtles as well, and Mutagen Man goes on to become a clone of the alien warlord.

Shredder is confused after being given a new set of instructions by the imposter Krang. The real Krang, however, is more than a match even for all four of the Turtles, throwing them off and freeing Rocksteady and Bebop. By the time Krang attempts to warn Shredder about the current situation, it’s too late: the Turtles taunt Shreds, pointing out that he just dumped the mutagen into the Central-Matic Waste Disposal system. With the rocket now launching, the villains escape back to their transport modules, their plan thwarted.

Donatello aids Seymour in preparing to assume his final mutation back into his old form. The Turtles are perplexed when instead of reverting back to looking like nerdy person seen on his photo ID, the courier instead chooses to become a suave man in a blazer and turtle neck sweater. Seymour declares that he “may be a nerd, but [he] is not stupid”, before confusing our heroes even more by insisting he still needs to find his way to the flower shop to complete his delivery.

Returning to the Lair, the Turtles watch as April reports on the successful rocket launch, announcing that she’ll be celebrating by having a night on the town with Seymour. The green teens are horrified by this and all begin yelling over each other, crying “OH NO WAY” and “TURN IT OFF!” I think they may be overreacting just a teeny bit.

We can always count on David Wise to come through with the goods, with this adventure feeling like something of a return to form after the insulting “Michelangelo Meets Mondo Gecko”. This time around we get a debuting character and action figure handled well, at least in so far as the Turtles aren’t any worse off for having Mutagen Man enter their orbit. The decision to have Seymour’s story end here with him adopting a new human form is surprising, but given that his origin and mutation are more gruesome than most, it’s hard to begrudge him getting a happy ending, and coming out of this story in a better position than he was going into it.

The character of Seymour Gutz/Mutagen Man was developed from a sketch by Turtles co-creator Peter Laird of an ape-insect mutant fusion called “The Unknown”. This would be adapted into the Mutagen Man action figure released by Playmates a year prior to the debut of this episode, one of the more fondly-remembered supporting characters from this era. The file card for the figure details the character’s origin story, which is broadly similar to what’s depicted in his cartoon depiction.

“Enter: Mutagen Man” is an enjoyable affair, introducing a new character who doesn’t overstay his welcome and using the core cast (the Turtles, Shredder and his bunch, and the Channel 6 crew) effectively. Whether by accident or by design, some old routines from prior episodes resurface here and are less effective than the first time around; there are also moments that truly stretch the viewer’s suspension of disbelief to breaking point. Thirty seconds or so of the rare sight of the Turtles getting to battle Krang is enough for me to forgive these little foibles, though. David Wise remains the foremost writer of this series, and we’ll see his work again next week in “Michelangelo Meets Bugman Again”; before that we have another solo Turtle adventure to look at, “Donatello’s Badd Time”.

[c64]

The Ultimate C64 Games List Have you ever wondered about the amazing Commodore 64 game list? Yes, we have too - there were loads of them. Problem is that is was a while ago now. This list was compiled to jog the memories:

Operation Wolf

roger frames buys budjiit games

fox fightsback

ace & ace II combo

bubble bobble

tantric mouse wars

home office

salsa con artist

commando ninjas

world flee

blood sparse

ruby of thermogington

jettison railway

ice band

spiderman vs magoo

caravan madness

hulk vs hogan

hunk attack

jet set billy

monkey tennis

score me

addis abbaba karate international +

balloon wars

cloud paste

live at budokan

boris yeltsin vodka challenge

banjo time constructor

emelyn hughes ‘super’ soccer

opium fright

shoot em up penelope

lagoon of carabon harbungo

open heart burglary

frost bandage

diamonds are for women

car spike wheel burst adventure

crazy communists

square man runs up ladder III

treasure island kittens

barrell falls down IV

spoke damage

princess kidnapped 8

undercarriage catastrophe

reminder PRO

Jazz North

Pub Golf

Avalon - Land of the Rust

SimPub

Pregnant Gymnastics

Womb Cook-up

Animal Olympics

NASA Pinball Fantasy

Jed saves christmas

Horace goes Knifing

Time Orifice

Axe-wielding Comedians

Karate Blister

Ornament Erector

Building Smoke Out

Q Bert the Revenge

Trellis Abundance

Titchmarsh v Oddie - Greenkeeper Challenge 88

Co-op Warriors

Sand Veterans

Grass feathers

Morose Wind

Scube Whackey

Escape from Liverpool

Puppy Smoker The Outburst

Roll yer Own Challenge

Hackney Masterblaster

Connect One

Purple Chins

Cotton Developer

Haircut Zest Fair

Trophy Masser

Race Kings Alive

Hazel Irvine’s Whirlwind Badminton

Jazz Rasta VI

Jensen Buttons Nipple Dash

Maze Bomber 909

Speed Chess

Curling Avenger

Rope Twisting Example

Scourge of Daxus

Roy Castle’s Record Breakers

Organ Flexology

Cliff Richard’s Ambiguous Soccer

Revenge of the Feminists

Wax cluedo

Tennis Trumpeteer II

Maximise the Point

Sheep Monopoly

Weight Gain Olympics

Travel Guise

Roger Mellie’s Ice Darts

The Legend of Les Dawson

Blanket Snitch

Tales of the Underformed

Grave Digger 6

Onion Pro 2

Moon Ship

Turbo Trousers

Turbo Walking

Welcome back to the Island of Penny Farthing

Breathing Challenge

Run for President [Ukraine Edition]

F1 Parcel

Awning Inventor

Cello Beat

Super Accelerator Fridge

Crazy Ambulance

Burst Kidney Mopup

Save China

Chemistry Ninja Teacher

Boat Painter Design

Dogs of Fury

Furry Dog*

Beyond the Forbidden Biscuit

The Handlebars of Hashani

Bird Mother

Audio Frenzy Piano Lessons

Short’s Lair

Chun King Farm Life

Jimmy White Teaches Typing

Cif Blaster

Defenders of the Fish

Sandal Behaviour

Alien Food

Thatcher goes to School

Bob Dillons Boxing Farce

Gorbachev plays Chicken

Wayne Gretsky’s Ice Wallet Charity Challenge

Armalyte III - Springburn

Popcorn Death

Vast Salt EU

Virtual Drudgery

Chain of Accordions

Runner Cities

Yellow Bist

Lost Sandals

Train Slow

Sherlock Holmes in The Year 2047

Lost and Profound: Darkness Shop

Dust Police

Borrowed Money

Internet Maze

Slipstream Cowboys

Guns of Dryness

Alpha Scabs

Crusty The Friendly Chimp

Rice Inflator (Super Pack)

Archie McPherson’s Weetabix Head

Denis Law’s Accent Challenge

Dougie Donnelly Dune of Hair

Graeme Souness Must Be Barking

Boon - The Game

Taggart Teens

Emmerdale Goes to Pitlochry

Coping with Eastenders for the under 5’s

Death in the Family Joke

Coloured Fights

Outdoor Darts

Wrist Truffle

White Water Snooker

Sea Quest Powder Seeker

Copious Spandex Run

Mr Motivators’ Taxi Challenge

Breakup

Flapjack

David Dimbleby's Amazon Adventure 12

Frost on Sunday

TV:AM The Early Years

Moira Stuart’s Music Creator

Upside Down Ice Cream Revolt

Vat of Galt Toys

Fist of Fireflies

Tunnel Browner

Stocking Ladder Bless

Lingerie Tycoon

Up & Down with Freddy Mercury

Guitar Slayer

Drum Shake Friends

Wacky Traffic Lights

Oreo Frisbee Games

Hedgehog Relax

Roofer

SimWoman

Bent Angler

Super Horses

Fishing for Tims

Ketamine Kraziness

Shout Appeal

Daz Crime Alert

Tension Ramble

Monitor Crossbones

Stookey Chase

Cardinal Hippos

Marigold Mincers IV

Shane Ritchie’s Up For Everest

War Kind

Question Slime

Bishop Sailor

Grudge Chess

Shoplifter 6

Bed trapper

Saloon Swingers 5

Yells of Tallmouth

Athletic Trombones

Wheel Smicer

Trends of Fashion-hope

Wacky Prostate

Bag A Cow

Pronunciation Fun

with Jackie bird

Landlord Dodge

Stuart Tipney’s Bread Throw Out

Date Checker

Gary Glitter’s Subliminal Message

Frozen Bibs of Babylon

Bricklaying Challenge

Wall Tidy

Reverse a Unicycle

SimCleaner

Pick Pocket Champion 1983

Glorified Yungs

Hungry Hungry Hernias

Marble vest

Ship To Shore

What’s My Rake

View My Braces

Burp: Deluxes

Romeo and Juliet Bravo

North vs South 2 : west vs East

Corner of Flatland

Spherical Eye Bless

Under the Oceans of Armpit Forest

Outrun Birmingham (Spaghetti Junction Edition)

Sweat like a bahookey

SimBarber

Developer Roundabout: Salt Lake Boredom Factor

Wig Breathe

Telecoms Tycoon

SimBeggar

Window Sparkler

Martian Crotchet

Bin Race: Baghdad to Bucks

Limpet Picker 4

Bout of Gout

Fist of Starfish Cave

Revenge of The Ponchoed Ponces

Peruvian Mountain Rally

Pyramid Scheme

Wheelchair Rollers

Disabled Relay

Plastic Bellamy

Escape From The Care Home

Quest Far There

Sigmund Freud’s Phallic Challenge

Location Location Location

Tombola

Pharmaceutical Births

Fun Run

Telethon

The Shat Cat Strikes Back

Poo Displease

Oxymoron - School Clown Dress

Nuns on The Run

Rub a Dug

SimWork

Girl Demander

Tiny Fire Use

Spell Cracker

VirtuaBus

Horse and Cabbage

Hippyhunt

Bug Wrestler

Elmer Fudd’s Bugle Fun

Sesame Street for Mute

Vaccine Madness

Sing-a-long-outhouse

Virgin Wedding

Carry Me Right

Existential Spam

Professor Caressor

Blind Spot

Dowary 4

Backwards Todel

SimFolkSinger

Austrian Summer Fun

Think Game

SimShirt

Mum’s Gone To Iceland

SimShoes

Dad Ravage

VirtuaBurp

Record Deal Blunderer

Vinyl Earth

Pork Love

Candid Carrots

Testament of God

Jasper Carrot’s Comedy Puke

Slug Slugger

fISHMONGER 8

Javelin Jackson

Action Babes 7

Deniable Door Whizz

What’s My Remainder

Shave Me Doris

Ferrari Shaving Adventure

SuperToboggan

Fire Ski

Trowel Turmoil

Soap Detector

SimPigeon

Permit Chief

VirtuaCurtain

Wander Beyonder - Galaxy of Hands

Foot Small

Failed Janine Nurse Player

Bonnie Langford’s Dive of DEath

Cheesy Cheeks 9

Teryaki Throw Throw

Organised Library

Chrome Crunch

Defeat The Dragon XII

Sleeve Beast

Snorkel of Skeleton Mask

Bilge Crusader

Derivative Nonsense

Chip Shop Challenge

Fallopian Tube Gatherer

Short Sharp Shock

Public Pool 2

The Remorse of King Tooth Prize

Mobile Shop Catch

Dentist Revival

Pizzaboy

Return of the Shoulder

Attack of the Maharajah

Farm Variety

Ring Sting VI

Pokey Barracus O

Pyromania [Schools Edition]

Canteen Calamity

Scratch My Scurvy

A Team of Guys

Commercial Insertion

Alien Bold

Walk to Run

Talk Show Live

Wacaday

Tickle Me Hazel

Get to Doctor Green Helmet Arrival

Kirsty Gallacher’s Pony Tail

Bube Tube

Stu’s News

Finger By Jove

SPinach Wars

TrolleyDash IV

Coco Bianco

Can Lift Channel 4: The Game

Spider and Kite

Really Big, Really Small Advent of Tetrapak

Drainblock: Plumber Hero Chronicles

Clammy Elbow

Rinse, Spin and Wash-o-matic

Virtual Carving

Aqua Fridge 4

Milk Charge: None Today Edition

Dose of Lactose

Fruit for Fuel

SEGA Gums

World Cup Baking

Trauma Recentness

Void of Linda

Calculate My Room

Slow Slow Slow, Now Fast

Myrtle’s Spongy Threat

Round the Town: Hull

KLIX Vending Machine Panic

Suitable Suit

Trinidad vs Tobago

Coma Dream Alert

Lose Your Tail

Sudden Trump

Castle of Rugs

Dreadful Quincy

Murder You Write

Salt n Pepa: My First Lyrics

Ferry to the Island of Bins

Up to Maximum

Thanks Goth: Black It Out Decision for Survival

Thorax and King: Temple of 10 Thumbs

Shave or Swim

Spar - Double Time Price Wars

Wooden Office

Windbush: the Quest for Haribo

Thing Commander

Gusset Sweeper II

Military Cocktails: An Interactive Guide

Spillers Winalot

Gus Hiddink: Ladies-Man

Spinal Injury 4

Dungrudder

Dungrudder II

Alan Titchmarsh’s International Samba Karaoke

Gluehead 2 - Back to the Bag

Dogwrestler

Virtual Biscuit Pro Edition

Future Boots

Horace gets an enema

Goth v Ned - The Reckoning

Roy Hudd’s hut folding 3

fondant wheelbarrow challenge

squat thrusting in high denmark with Mr. T

git that skateboard oot ma bed

2 fast and furious - the angry diet

skeptics ranch 4

whippet trigger

cod’s extreme bass fishing

Meatloaf’s leotard attack

smashing gantry with len ganley

cornish nuisance III

janitor pleaser

janitor pleaser II

janitor pleaser III

interactive janitor pleaser 3D

sing-a-long-a-jim-diamond

belgian ring stretch 4

heather mills dance off

sulk or bulk

extreme rabbit riding 9

tony roper’s pope trophy

ship shape and bristol fashion (twin pack)

dan hipgrave’s hip grave

catarrh hero 2

Joseph Holt’s cow safari

barking cats 3

Debbie Gebbie

Rally through Tesco

Piano Catcher

Harold Bishop’s Hutch Touching Compendium

Cardboard Harbour

Guess What’s in the Baxterbox

Extreme Welsh Dentistry

10 Disciples Tickly Bits [denmark edition]

Zebra Dancing 2

Tractor Painting 3

Cindy Crawford’s Virtual Cooperage Pro

Anderson Shelter Designer International

Ambulance Neglecting

Pigeon Surprise!

Chilly B’s Cartography Masterclass

Paralympic Legends 1985

Angry Sue’s Penthouse Disaster

SimFlorist

Amazing Mace

Grimsby Love-In

Trilby Mechanic

Karl Lewis’s 6 Meter Dash Pro

Smoker 8

Collateral Ramage

Horse Drawn Prawn

Firebomb Kirkcudbright

Space Huff

Star Wars: Jedi High Street

Ooft Ooft 2

Flyhunter

Nadeem the Hamster

Bucky Bash II

Schnitzel Wars

Derrick Organ’s Calamity Chinfest

Malky Malky II: The Chib

Venison Crayola

Peter Shilton’s Saucey Canary

French Letter of the Law

Penguin Squeezing

Sodastream Challenge

Arthur C Clarke’s Mysteries of Dunfermline

Skin Complaint 2

Felicity Kendal’s Migratory Kennel

Thigh Trouble III

VirtuaWendy

Pebbledash Apprentice

Thrush Reduction School

Alan Randy Tanner Shows You How

Sim 9 O’clock News

Adult Colostomy

Ray Mears’ Survival Chimney

Brunch Arranger

Pro Pencil Throw

The Continuing Adventures of Nice ‘n’ Soapy

Lunchy Munchy

SimKettle

VirtuaCarpet

Snack bar etiquette

arm harm 4

saucy haulage 9

swimming with trousers on

Thora The Exploder

High Jinks on Highway

Wrist Exposure

Looking After God’s Neck 6

Frog Polishing

Harrison Ford Harrassment

Shampooing Buffalo with Betty Murchie

Unravelling Scobie’s Quotient

Alistair’s Wheels

High Speed Loaf Assembly - Knead For Speed 2

Detolionia - A World of Disinfectant

Coal Punishment

Table with Bilston Glen

Who Is Douglas Bader?

Sharpen Your Trowel with Baden Powell

Bambi Leg Stabilisation

Pimp My Sideboard

Crematorium Capers

The Burning Coupon

Fireplace Customiser featuring Annette Benning

Force 8 Golfing Atrocity Pro-Am

Trout Swiping (Mexican Edition)

Village Idiot Racing 2

Fridge Racer 4

Parrot Force 7

Amish Disease Aversion

Pro-Am Celebrity Road Kill 3

Major James Hewitt’s Blew It Game

Advanced German For Industrial Foundries with Keith Chegwin

I’m A Celebrity, Shave My Arms 8

Mortar Mixing With Fiona Bruce

Self Harm with Hartley’s Jam Jam, Arm, Harm, Barn (Farm Edition)

Deadly Riddles with Bo Diddley, Nicolas Ridley, Ken Dodd, Dodi al Fayed and the Cast of Grease

Not Poodles but Pot Noodles 2

Shed Holder vs. Vijay Singh Sing-a-long a Hitler Hillman Hunter 2

Hearing Aid

Beige Chevette 5

Ian Botham’s County Balls

PramFace: The Revenge

Nebulous Nockers

Hot Knifin’

Anton Rogan’s Potato Scone

Monotonous Madness

Sally Magnuson’s Nicotine Buzz

Doncaster Moose Pulling

Beer Goggle Challenge- Ultimate Edition

Pebble Mill - The Platform Game

Davro Goes West

Jelly Fish Juggling with Jilly Cooper

Ballroom Thighs - A Game For All The Family

Dog Plop Monopoly

Frank Tibbs’ Unanimous Cave  

Tripping Over Thimbles 4

Pebble Mill Pebble Dash

Humourous Toilet Noises 3

Carry On Corduroy 5

Drain Savage 2

Radio 4 Hoar Sampler

Binman Challenge

Boris Becker’s Jazz Complaint

Callcentre Supervisor Pro

Timpsons Manager 1986

Volcano Cheese

The Lemon Vampires of Dudley

Pablo Balloon’s Hernia Diagnosis

Virtua Social Carer

Eric Gluttony

Trouser Press Sabbatical

Alarm! Run! Knit!

Whitly Bay Mesh Collector

Martini Hinge Challenge

Vole Puncher 3

Tropical Slavery 3

Slattery Battery Chat

The Ambivolent Miner’s Chin Problem

Dog Warmer 9

Piano Stroker 2

Brian Hater

Brian Massacre

The Eyes of Salamine

Wingnut

Ruthless Removal of Wind

Egg Rugby 5

International Spine Swapping

Grand Prix - Live from Borehamwood

Farmed Nicaraguan Debris - Collector’s Edition

Spongy Marmite

Fun N Games in Chernobyl with Cheryl Baker

Fun N Games in Chernobyl II without Cheryl Baker

Semi-Pro Badger Excuses 5

Face Biter III

Eric Clapton’s Dead Shoes

Stop! Or my Mom will Shoot Ike

Kate Stits

Dawn French’s Fantasy Football

Giant Priority

Extendable Alien Hairdriers

A Masterclass with Ruud Hullit

Greggs Tycoon

Nail Filing with Stefan Edberg

SimLibrarian

Aardvark Juggling

Any Swedgers?

Civil Engineering Attack Force

Bible Edit III

Cactus Comparing with Terry Waite

Gunther’s Tasty Leather

Health Challenge

Catastrophe Pants

Superhero Draughts

SimJanitor 8: Smooth Moperator

Breath Club

Biting and Chewing

The Goose 3

Armadale

Sangsters 2

Extreme Chinese

Ned Poultry Farmer

Diabolical Gran Odour 6

Camp Action Man

Topless Skateboard Nun 2

Solving Simultaneous Equations Under Water (Bridlington Edition)

Hake Take with Less Than Jake (Celebrity Edition)

The Paul Anka Diaries

Makeover : Wallpapering Your Face 5

Blackhead Removal with Scaffolding Poles 8

High School Musical Shoot Out

Bad Air Hockey (Rotten Egg Edition)

Failed Airport Terrorism Attempt 2

International Banana Terrorist 3

Conventional Bra Wearing

Terrapin 2

split pea glee

gaseous monkey

Cheddarfest revival

moonfaced lung toucher 4

attack of the angry jam ballast

relentless margarine 3

buttergutter

clutter game

wasp wing clasp assembly

futurismysticalismism presented by Kenny Leveritt

pork chop aftermath

strict rector workings 5

detected vim spillage 2

simCOLOSTOMY

Gale Force

Pike Gardening

Ribble Valley Larvae Attraction

Marmite Spite

Sarah Brightman’s Secret Pro-Am Celebrity Tench Cremation

High Speed Paralympic Disasters 5

Savoury Tights 4

Advanced Scone Vandalism with Ruth Maddock

Workplace Victimisation Art 2

Egg Poaching with Prince Charles

Varnishing with Confidence Iggy Pop versus Eggy Pope (Slovenian Edition)

Sloth Pinching with Ewan McGregor

Shoot Deirdre Off Coronation Street As Many Times As You Like

Polished Ginger Bison Falling Over 3

Lego Smashing

Snorting-A-Surgically-Removed-Spaghetti Line Back Through Your Nose Championships with Keith Floyd

Slippery Cats Finger Sizery

Vernacular Spectacular - Regional Heats - Norway Vs Newcastle

Register Maniacs 4

Disabled Horse Fury 5

Turtle Hurlers

Des Lynam’s Mum

Horse v Dolphin: Requiem

rentokil bill 2

rat boy 9

cardboard harbour 9

vote for a wine side dish

Ministry of Justice: Writing the Constitution Sim Local Councilor

Puggy Paradise

Pan-London Kid Chase

Pirates on the Pond

Junior Project Manager III

Decide to Read Again

Nokia vs Motorola: Find the Phone Charger

Feed the Kids Coal (Bono Demo)

Tom Clancy’s Splintered Bell

Jellied babies

Shave the Llama

Jew Harp Hero (Harp not included)

Mum Trashers 4

SimSTD

ActuaMince

Square Peg Round Hole Challenge

Blockman vs DragonThing

Menopausal Madness

Ringbinder II

Equine Manouevers

The Mysteries of Michael Elphick’s Port in a Storm

Haberdasherie Heat

LGV STD

Half a Cider And You’re Laughing

Humourless Hags Return to Castle Frottage

Hungry Hungarian Housewives

Fake Tan Dylan

Super Who Did That Thunder in Tannadice

Swollen River Wheelchair Uh-Oh

Ruby Murray’s Curry from Anything

How Clean is your Mouth

Cilit Bangers

Why’s Dad in the Furnace: HD

R Kelly’s Gotham City

Gerard Kelly’s Diet City

Kendal Misery

Buff Women Crush

Supermarket Nuts

Dry Off - You’re Wet Too!

Xenophobic Elderly Home

Easy Rider: Trikes and Quads

Rise Up and Get Back To Bedford

Alan Sugar’s Finger Fiasco

Private Investigator: Carbon Footprints

Snakes on a Phone

Phone a Snake

Snakephone

Phoney Snake

Children In Need: One Can Survive

The Canterbury Compendium Featuring: Sinister Minister

The Godies ft. Hymn Brooke Taylor

Virtual Nun

Cheeses Of Nazareth

Nun Surfing: Birds of Pray

Dogs drink wine

nacho panic

ostrich borstal

bombscare in sacred cities of spain

spiral binding awards

biro spinning awards

spiro binning awards

Thora Hird’s Extreme Stairlift

Gammy Dodger 2

Hell Monger 5

Tag Nutter 8

simClaw

Mayonnaise Babies 2

Kissing With Incontinence

Dances With Wolverines

Come Dancing 3D

Dumb Dating 4D

Interactive Pylon Climbing

Fundamental Dish Cloth Equations

Haulage Wars 1 - Norbert Dentressangle vs. Eddie Stobbart

Haulage Wars 2 - David Heeps vs. C. Hinds Potato Merchants

White Van Driver Fashion Show

Greasy Dinosaurs Almanac

Terrible Tearing Sounds

Baste The Family

B&Q BBQ Standoff

May’s Rotary Chuckling

Spontaneous Fury

Induced Tap Dancing with Andy May

Your Lip’s Burst 2

Attack of the 40 foot Gingerbread Postman

The Dalgleish Index Escalator

Arthur Askey’s Crop Spraying

Alsatian Alien

Cow Painter 5

Impossible Cornering Technique with Ayrton Senna

Ann Frank 3D

Chop: Stand: Force: Interactive Cumnock Gala Day with Obie Trice

Dougie Donnelly’s Battenberg Cake Jumper Confusion Game

Mince Rinsing with Peter Alice

Wife Swab 3

Knife Swap 4

Gnome Drool Collecting for Beginners

Anger Manager IV

Uncle Tony’s Special Cupboard

Spilt Milk

Virtual RAC Guy Challenge

Michael Ballack’s Ludo Madness

Archie McPherson’s Apron of Chance

Gulls of Fury

Monty Don’s Embroidery Masterclass

Spammy the Dog

Rumbelows

Windows C64 edition

Mr. Minit’s Key Cutting Japes

Saved By The Bell End 3

Asp The Family - Snakecharmer Edition

Snoop Doggy Dog’s Dance Studio Workout

Taming The Shrew with Lena Zavaroni

VirtuaConkers

Sectarian Dolphin 4

Fly Phishing by J.R. “Hacker” Hartley

The Goth Temple of Gloom

The Hannible Lectures

simBiscuit (bourbon special)

Evostick Party

Bri-Nylon Guy 3

Skinflat Survival

Eaglesham Startrek

Bees In The Loft

Sandra Sandra

Justin and Colin’s Guide To Deep Sea Pipe Welding

Wayne Rooney Loony Toon Room for Kids

Pheasant Milkfloat Run

Late Ex in Latex 6

Dick Advocaat’s guide to coctkail mixing

To The Manor Braun

Tandoori Roti 3

Murder She Roti

Silence of The Prams

Emlyn Hugh’s Omelette Challenge

Josh Wink’s Tiddleywinks

Elvanfoot Butterfly Massacre

Carstairs

Monster Metros

Fuzzy-Felt Masterclass with Yuri Gagarin

Predator Paint

Eel Chair Regatta

Big Pants Comedy Skydiving

Bang! Bang! Bang! Oops…

Swindlin’ Yokels with Roman Abramovich

Outrun Bolton

Tony Blair’s Prole Crusher

Heather The Weather’s Fishnet Frenzy

Nick Drake’s Morose Warblings

Ape Attack!: Wishaw

Patrick Moore’s Tedium Personified

Chicken Gun

Barry Robson’s Beguiling Napper

C5 Grand Prix

Roll Me A Fat One and Get They Dishes Done

Brahim Hemdani’s Unremarkable Competence

Virtual Soup of the Day

The Rancid Horns of Leith

Super-Monday-Banana-Death

Ask Me A Graham

Undercarriage Return

Steve Ovette’s Erratic Frog

Tennis Stuart

Bomb Acrobat

SimAlcoholic

Girth Alarm 3

Alan Hanson’s Amatuer Granny Revival

Pickpocket Pro

Chinchilla Wrestling

Crouching Greyhound Hidden Danger

Poodle Judo with Judith Chalmers

Hedge Availability

Overwhelmed Whelk Farmer 2

Cupboard of Lentils 7

Sloth Borstal 2

Pro-Am Prawn Wrestling

Custard, Mustard and Other Rhyming Condiments

Cat Litter Lego

Jimmy Nail’s Book Corner

Navigating Cumbernauld Whilst Aggrevated

Hanah Barbera’s Meat Collective

Tensile Strengthometer

Betty Boothroyd’s Hooverathon

AfroClam

Attack of The Four Lipped Maneater

The Wizard’s Sleeve

J-Lo’s Bum Shelf Warm

Salad Dressing with Trinny and the Bigger One

Keith Floyd’s Damp Side of the Moon

Soviet TicTacs: Taste of War

World Cup Eczema

Mum vs Dad: Grab a Plate

Upside of Death VI

Ulti-Mugger: Wallet and Watch, Ta

Soft and Gentle 3: Roll On

MC Hammer’s World of Pantaloons

Restore Pet Cemetary

Audible Charm: Legend of the Gentle Trump

That’s Not My FInger!

Zoo of ham-fed Gibbons

Wake Up! You’re Not Dead Yet

Wake Up! I’m Limbless and There’s a Fire

Drifting Away: Grandad’s Final Slumber Party

Pyjamas.. At School?

Neil Buchanan’s Antler Attack

Cash In the Attic, Now In My Attic

Get Pregnant 5 - Civilised Scamming

Soda Stream: Hunt for the Gas Canister

Soda Stream II: But It Says Cola Flavoured!?

Invest in Me, I’m a Maniac

London Tube Track Scraper

Armitage Shanks

Virtual Log

Death Row Buckaroo

Labour Backbench Cage Fighting

Floaty The Finless Waterbeast

Vauxhall Advert Creator

Dragged 150 Yards: Bradford Joyride

Old Spice: She’s Yours

Unicycling for Pensioners

Unmentionable Chalky Taste 6

Island Pancake Mixing with Seb Blatter

Filthy Ventriloquist Stories

Eddie Vedder’s World Of Shreddies

Camp Ramp

Tobogganing with Wogan

Annie Mack’s Caramac Slacks

Irene Maiden 10

Sausage Jockey 3

Cured Ham and Other Medical Miracles

Mud Wrestling with Thora Hird

Sim Haulage

Sim Heelage

Sim Cabbage

Sim Charles Babbage

Sim Gym

Liquor & Poker - Rude Casino Edition

Pass The Dutchy of Cornwall From The Left Hand Side

High Heel Teeterage 3

Esther Rantzen’s Root Vegetable and Tuber Hilarity Fest

Nun Paintball 4

Arm Wrestling Dentist 9

Julie Andrew’s Liver Salts 3

Sanitary Owl Radio 4

Bus in a Leotard

World’s Strongest Nan

Hector Sylvester’s Turquoise Noise

Ambulance Chaser 2

Foam Party at The Foam Centre

Press and Mend

Touch the Hutch

Mastic Badger

Surname Challenge ft. Yvonne Goolagong vs. Peter Oosterhouse

Mast Blast Bomb Scare 3

Going Through At The Back 3

Pinball Lizard 5

Dancing With Oxygen

The Dimbleby Conundrum

Virtua Council Gritter

Rampant Carpark

Icarus Manifold’s Welsh Poster Collection

Religious Gardening with Moses and his Hoses

Air Rifle Chooser with Bishop Desmond’s .22

Ballet Dancing with Bishop Desmond’s TuTu

Slurry Avoidance ft. Alvin Stardust

Celebrity Quinine

Abatoir Jubilee Beef

Geek Orthodox

Fudge Assembly

Relax, Prance, Peel

Paul Ince’s “What’s in the Fridge?”

Super Kennel Admin

Attack, Sleep, Trapeze!

Verify My Post

Saral Ping’s Finch Adjuster

Intermediate Curve Basting

Combustable Constable 5

Fancy Cheese 3

Hazel Butters 2

Lloyd Cole’s Motion Commotion

Vermin Descriptor 2

Tray Balance in Ballantray

Fluid Choppery with Glen Blantyre

Predatory Tory Trap

Inflatable Vatican

Marzipan Tarzan

That’s Barry, Eh?

Marmite Termite

Octogenerian Hair Piece 5

Caustic Frog 3

Fridge Racer

Flouride Jockey

Algae Mechanic

The Baghdad Irritation

Crazy Meerkat Forklift Racing

Zak Marvel’s Gaseous Print Revival

Easter Toolbox

Winkle Picker II

Virtua Morrisons

Face Camp

Holy Moly - the unluckiest Mole in the Field

Kays - Catalogue of Errors

Wunder-Hat

Look Out! Too Late.

Pleasant Pheasant

Mike Tyson’s Rapid Wrestling

Reservoir Logs

An Audience With Kirk Broadfoot

Salami Origami

Who’s in the Pot?

Deep-Sea Monopoly

Frank Lampard’s Mousetrap Masterclass

Aztec Leg

Kitchen Thespian

Scaffolding Terror

Somalian Pirates

Take Guernsey

Treacle or Turnip?

Olympic Jail

Sweat on Me and I’ll Vomit

Dubious Quality Controller 5

Quiff Aligner

Re-pot That Geranium, You Fool

Soft Furnishing Spectacular

Dad! You’re My Brother!

Peter Kincaid. Now you Try

12lbs of Something

Vosene - The Forgotten Chemical

Viv Lumsden’s Pit of Terror

Halfords: Den Of Incompetence

Rubber Stamp Misery

The Beechgrove Garden Presents: High Tedium

Monks On A Bus

Gordon The Gopher’s Amsterdam Exploits

Imaginary Futures: President Trump

Tetrapak! 

DIY Watercolor: Pylons of Tyneside

Paradise Lumbago

Post Office Manager: Bungled or Burgled

Crass Bandicoot 

Chequered Flag F1 Racist Challenge

Err, That’s Not Shampoo

BANG! Search For The Dirt, Limescale & Rust

These are all available to buy on Ebay, apart from 619 which they actually forgot to produce. 

[aleinnilatibae]

Atop The Billboard, Chapter 1

In which Robbie and Sportacus bond, with the help of Robbie's constant lair disasters and poor impulse decisions.

AO3 link here

                "EGGS!!"  Robbie shouted triumphantly, pulling them out from the back of his refrigerator. He cackled with glee, raising the carton high above his head and doing a little jig. "Ah doo doo doo, Ah doo doo doo, we're having CAKE tonight!" he sang, his voice echoing pleasantly off the walls of his lair. He was so happy that he lost himself a little-during a particularly emphatic twirl, he slipped in his slippered feet and landed HARD on his back.

                "Owwwww," he groaned painfully, like a slowly deflating balloon.  But, even though he sacrificed his body to do it, he still had the grip on the carton of eggs.  "Not-all-bad," he hissed, as he laboriously got up from the ground and cracked his neck a couple times.

                "Back to business," he smiled, and placed four eggs in a row on the table.

                "I will make exactly...ONE cake," he said, precisely aligning the four eggs.  But a thought nagged within him...

                "Okay maybe TWO cakes," he relented, a grin spreading as he aligned four more eggs in the row. Well, maybe...

                "THREE CAKES!" he exclaimed gleefully, putting all twelve eggs in a row,  tossing the carton over his shoulder, and wiggling his fingers in happiness.  "Three cakes, coming up!!"  He yanked on the lever next to him, and let out a long, booming laugh as a vacuum tube came down to suck up the entire row of eggs. 

                He ran up the stairs to his disguise machine, so he could see the contraption work better.  The eggs rolled out of the vacuum tube just a foot below the ceiling, cracked one by one on the side of the blue stone bowl, and a metal claw tossed the shells into the garbage. A whisk descended from the ceiling, blue as always, and violently scrambled all of the eggs while Robbie squealed with glee.  No matter how many different methods he came up with, no matter how many convoluted machines he invented for the purpose, he would never get tired of the cake baking process. It filled him with such glee and anticipation that he just couldn't stay still! He danced around, humming a tune, a flurry of limbs and joy.

                A "Ding!" brought him back to himself.  Finished with its job, the hydraulics whirred as the bowl was lowered back down to Robbie-level again.  Robbie wasted no time in running down the stairs again, reaching out for the bowl. "Oh yes," he said, stretching his arms up high, "come to Daddy."

                He firmly grasped the sides of the stone bowl, and looked inside.

                Immediately he was struck with a wave of smell SO HORRIFYING, that he physically recoiled and tossed the offending smell away with a little shriek-- and absolutely no thought to where it would land.

                "Rotten eggs!" he exclaimed, pinching his nose delicately with one hand. "They've betrayed me!" he said nasally, wincing as he heard the crash of the bowl on the ground.

                It had landed on the floor.  Which, if he were being honest, wasn't the WORST place for it to go. That honor would probably go to the replicator.  As it was, it would probably be an easy cleanup.  He strode over, still pinching his nostrils closed, and yanked the Vac-O-Matic out from underneath a pile of junk and aiming its tube at the gooey mess.

                "Get out of my nostrils, you-you horrid stench!" he exclaimed, and flipped the switch.

                Wrong switch.

                With the Vac-O-Matic's powerful leafblower setting, rancid egg particles blew across the lair like wind-scattered dandelion fluff.  Ugh, they were a horrible GREEN color.  He had to admit, the green of the eggs and the blue of his lair made a nice color composition together, he would have to remember that the next time he-

                "No! No!" he said, slapping himself across the face with each no, wincing at the sting. "Stay focused."

                So, he trudged over to the closet, pulled out a mop, a scrub brush, and a bottle of VERY STRONGTM cleaning fluid, and marched his way over to the mess.  "Fine.  I guess we will have to do this," he cracked his knuckles, "the HARD way."

                He had no idea how long he was there cleaning, but it felt like hours. Every time he thought he was done, he would turn around to see more green flecks that he missed, and start again with an extremely frustrated groan.

                "Stupid...eggs...stupid...Vac-O-Matic..." he grumbled, scrubbing the very table where he had started this whole operation. "WHY did I have to combine the LEAFBLOWER in with the VACCUUM??" he asked...no one.  Nobody  was around to hear him complain, but it made him feel better anyway.  The lair was very quiet otherwise, save for the scrubbing noises.

                When he was FINALLY done, he stood up, panting from the exercise. "I have cleaned EVERY. SINGLE. INCH." he raised his voice so it would reverberate back to him, "Of this place. But..." he grimaced, "I can still SMELL IT!" he yelled, anguished.  And it wasn't just the eggs! Now, there was the fumes of the cleaning fluid, and the combination of those two things were...making him very sick and dizzy.  "I need some AIR," he gasped, and climbed up, out of the hatch, into the nighttime air.

                "I can STILL SMELL IT!!" he exclaimed, now standing on the surface level of Lazytown. It lingered in his nose, the residual smell of cleaning fluid mixed with rotten eggs was still making his head spin and his stomach gurgle.  He needed more space between himself and the source of the smell!! He glanced up at the billboard, and a plan formed in his head.

                Once up at the top, he took a deep breath of the night air.  "Aahhh, yes," he sighed. "Free at last from that HORRIBLE smell."  A couple more deep breaths, and the fuzziness in his brain cleared up.

                That made him realize something important: he did NOT like heights.

                Equally important: he COULD have just taken a walk to the other side of Lazytown to escape the smell...

                "UGH, the stink-smell got inside my brain!!" he cried out, and slumped down.  "I better get down from here." But the moment he peeked over the side of the billboard he was hit with a wave of fear. What if he fell off this thing! Then he'd be laying injured, or DEAD, for the rest of the night, until Sportacus woke up at the crack of dawn and-

                "Sportacus!" he exclaimed out loud. He looked around.  That sounded far too happy, he was very glad that nobody heard that. But he had a plan now. "I will just stay here, PERFECTLY STILL, and WAIT til that Sportaflippity-flop wakes up at the crack of dawn.  What time is it now?" he asked himself, turning his wrist to look at his watch.

                "Hmm," he mused.  "It appears...that I don't HAVE a watch." He looked up at the moon instead, to gauge the time.  It was high overhead as he stared at it, studied it, measured how many hands away from the horizon it was...

                "I have no idea when moonrise was today," he admitted, sighing.  "This is...useless."

                He sighed, and tried to mentally prepare himself to sit atop the sign all night.  "I must not look down, I must not look down, I must not look down-EEK!" he squealed as he broke his mantra, grabbing onto the nearest light fixture.  "Oh, where is that elf when you need him??" he lamented.

                As if answering his call, a ladder suddenly unfurled itself out of the cloud overhead, ending right next to him.  Could it be? Yes! Sportacus was climbing down the ladder with a fluid speed that struck Robbie as lizardlike.  And so soon! He thought he'd be waiting forever!

                Sportacus landed on the sign, lit by the flashing colors of his crystal. 

                "Hello Robbie!" he shouted cheerily. Ugh, that cheerful energy made him even MORE tired.  He flashed a halfhearted smile back.  "What are you doing up at this hour?"

                "I...flooded my entire lair with noxious gas," Robbie admitted. 

                Sportacus gasped, horrified.  "Poison?" he grabbed onto his ladder again. "Come on, we gotta--"

                "No, no, it was just...very smelly," Robbie said, waving off Sportacus' panic.  "I let the eggs go bad, and..." how could he describe the turn of events? "I dropped them."

                "Oh no!" Sportacus said, sympathetically.  He still had one hand on the ladder, but looked more relaxed now.

                "I cleaned it all up, but it still smells TERRIBLE in there," Robbie lamented. "Either way, I am NOT going back in there tonight."

                "Understandable," Sportacus nodded.

                "But...could you...help me get down? From here?" Robbie asked tentatively.

                "Anything to help a friend," Sportacus replied, then paused.  "Unless this is a scheme to run me out of town," he said, performing a fake frown but his eyes still sparkled.

                Oh so THAT'S what he thinks about my competence as a villain, he thought grumpily. "No," he said, "I wouldn't put myself in this position for a scheme." He glanced downward again, closed his eyes and swallowed hard. "NOT worth it."

                "Okay!" Sportacus smiled, and held out his hand. Robbie stared at it for a moment, looking the hero's arm up and down, and then took it.

                "If you can't go back inside, " Sportacus asked, hoisting Robbie up to a standing position on the sign, "where are you going to sleep? Would you like to come with me to the airship?"

                "NO! No, no thank you. I have a...sleeping bag, and a tent, out in the shed.  From the last time."

                "What was the last time?" he asked, hoisting Robbie easily over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes and beginning the climb down.

                "Well," he said, trying to concentrate on his story and not on the fact that he was suddenly UPSIDE DOWN 22 FEET IN THE AIR WHAT THE HELL SPORTAKOOK, "I was trying to combine some new-OOF!-ingredients for a stinkbomb that I could use to...ahem...to run you out of town." He flushed a little, it felt weird just SAYING it outright.  Especially while being saved.

                "Uh-huh," Sportacus said in response.

                "And-and it exploded inside my lair."

                "How tragic," his rescuer said, abnormally deadpan.  Was that sarcasm? Sportaflop could DO sarcasm??

                "Oh yes," Robbie said as Sportacus flipped him back onto his feet. He stumbled for a moment before finding his footing again.  "I couldn't go back inside for a whole day," he said, pinching his nose in memory.

                "Well, here we are," Sportacus said.

                "Yes," Robbie agreed. He fidgeted for a moment.  He probably SHOULD thank him for saving him, when he usually would be asleep.  But he couldn't be TOO sincere about it. "I will still try to run you out of town you know," he said, lamely.  "But...thank you for the assistance."

                Sportacus beamed. "Anytime, Robbie!" he said, and jumped back up on the ladder, scaling it in record time and pedaling the ship away.

               When the ship had disappeared into the night, a sudden wave of exhaustion hit Robbie. He yawned wide.  "Time to SLEEP," he said, dragging his feet all the way to the shed where he kept his emergency supplies.

                Inside, he unrolled his fuzzy orange sleeping bag, and slid himself in.  "Nighty night," he said to no one, and fell asleep almost instantly.

[reasontowhine]

The John and Buzz Show 11/4/2019

The Mortals - Disintegration

Exploding Hearts - Throwaway Style

Flesh Eaters - The Hammer Hits The Nail

Prisonshake - Always Almost There

Pagans - Little Black Egg

The Bats - I Go Wild

Mike Rep and the Quotas - Fade Away

Lair Matic - Meet Me In A Dream

Naked Skinnies - All My Life

~Punk Pink Panther~

New Salem Witch Hunters - Kiskis

The Clocks - Confidentially Renee

Damnation Of Adam Blessing - Death Of A Virgin

Hawk Baby - Hologram I Am

Spike In Vain - A Means To An End

No Parole - Concentration Camp

Mirrors - I Think I’m Falling

Great Plains - The Way She Runs A Fever

Cold Cold Hearts - ?

Lime Spiders - Beyond The Fringe