#lalo salamanca headcannon

[mandowifey]

Do you have any funny head canons for Lalo? Not even funny per se but just weird shit he might do?

Nora I'm gonna smooch you.

Lalo 'Eduardo' Salamanca - Funny Headcannons

Warnings: General NSFW talk, Lalo needs his own warning tbh. Dark humor! Morbid humor! a lot of implied psychological manipulation. Cartel boy does Cartel shit. You know how it goes.

Lalo has a lot of strange and somewhat funny quirks.

First and foremost, the fact that he refuses to sleep longer than an hour or two at a time is wild. You need your sleep, which he does understand, but he also can't sit still so you often wake up in an empty bed.

He'd have your sleep schedule memorized, though. Knows about when you get tired, when you wake up, the times you stir to go to the bathroom, etc. Of course, he doesn't tell you that, but you find it uncanny that he can anticipate when you need to lay down or when to have breakfast ready in the morning.

Another weird thing Lalo does is zoning out. Sometimes, you can talk to him, and he's empty eyed, staring at the window, motionless. It's uncanny to you because you have no idea what's going on inside his head. But then he'd blink, and the light would return to him and he'd smile at you and encourage you to continue talking.

The guy has a thing about pushing peoples buttons.

He just... he craves being a menace - mostly because no one can really do anything to stop him. Lalo often smiles or grins when someone is getting worked up/flustered when he's prodding at their nerves.

Unfortunately, that means you catch the receiving end of it too.

Lalo can't help it! He loves watching you get riled up and red-faced. He thinks you shouting is adorable, and the hard, angry fucking afterwards is sublime. Lalo sports your claw marks like trophies, calls you his little wild cat.

Another thing he does that's weird is mirroring. Lalo is good at adapting and charming folks, sometimes he mirrors you to get what he wants.

Not in the mood for sex? Well, that's okay! How about we lay in bed and laugh? What's this? His hand is between your legs while he cracks jokes in your ear. Weird, guess you changed your mind.

Not a weird HC but he's intentionally withdrawn.

He keeps a lot of stuff to himself, making it difficult to discern if he's really upset or not.

Another weird thing is he likes to watch you shower.

He'd sit on the sink or lean against it, while pulling the door open to watch you quietly. Sometimes it seems like he's admiring you and others he looks almost angry.

You know he see's you as a weakness.

He's protective, always thinking 10 steps ahead.

You are his, after all.

Lalo is a gift giver. He likes to buy you stuff you mention off handedly. It's eerie sometimes because he gets you things you didn't realize you even wanted.

Like he's bringing home a dress you glanced at while shopping with him, and now there it is, in your hands. Meanwhile, he's smiling ear to ear and kissing your head, asking if you like it and watching your reaction.

Lalo is weird in the sense he's not extremely physical. The guy is similar to a cat. He'll pat your back, ruffle your hair or tap your chin, but he doesn't do many hugs or kisses. Even when you two are alone.

Though he would definitely not mind you laying against him, asleep, while he watched the fire pit and let his thoughts wander.

However, when the mood strikes him?

Lord he's on you.

Mouth on yours, devouring you, kissing and biting. Can't keep his hands off of you, groping and squeezing and just all over you.

Lalo isn't super weird, but he has those little mannerisms you find charming!

[inkybinkyboink]

better call saul headcanons

lalo smells like every masculine scent (im talking sandalwood, palo santo, bergamot, teakwood) and smoke and fucking taco spices. i do not know and will never know what lalo salamanca smells like because he fictional, and yet, i feel dysphoric just thinking about it because i know i will never smell as good as him

nacho also smells really good, but like he burns a lot of incense and a lot of its very floral. 

wow dude i get SHIT at writing when im stoned god fuck ok

kim was 100% a book worm in grade school. her favorite book was definitely either a rainbow fairy book or like a geronimo stilton book. she would still be a bookworm but never has time to read anymore.

mike ehrmantraut sleeps like a fucking board. on his back, hands at his sides, facing up to the ceiling and he does not move for 8 hours straight.

nacho knits nacho knits nacho knits.

lalo drinks like a motherfucker but does not get drunk. that mans tolerance is sky fucking high.

saul is oddly limber. this man has never done yoga in his life but he can do the splitz like nobody’s business

contrast, howard starts his day with yoga and meditation. it does not work.

nacho lives off of warm environments. he went to vermont once in january and vowed never to go further north than colorado ever again.

saul is a sucker for keeping things clean. he needs to have things clean all the time. spotless.

kim and jimmy have movie night dedicated purely to picking out all the continuity errors they can find.

gus has never had a los pollos meal in his life and does not plan to

mike spent an afternoon once covering kaylee’s ceiling in glow in the dark stars

lmao what if howard has asthma. im making it canon rn howard hamlin has asthma what a loser i have asthma

jimmy mcgill sold burner phones for a living but man cannot for the life of him work a phone made after 2015. gene takavic is CLUELESS when it comes to technology

mike has one of those solar powered flowers on his dashboard in his car. yknow the little ones with the petals that go up and down in the sun?

lalo fucking salamanca can cook anything on the goddamn planet but is from a different galaxy when it comes to preparing anything pre-packaged. he burns kraft dinner. he sets the kitchen on fire trying to make a microwave meal. 

[asgardianangel]

For the sugar baby series can we see how it for reader and Lalo’s relationship now.? I would love to see her with a tiny bit of Stockholm Syndrome.

Oooh yeah

Stockholm syndrome headcannons

Warnings: Manipulation, NSFW, slight breeding kink from daddy Lalo, imprisonment, implied relative death, memory loss from trauma

Two years have passed, and everything seemed like a blur life was a routine and so was motherhood.  

At least loneliness wasn’t a problem you had a bubbly three-year-old unaware of the controlled situation around him just focusing on the things that made him happy. Lalo made sure of it. 

The best toys and activities were always at his reach the smile on his little face made you happy, but you couldn’t help but feel guilty. Guilty to the fact of raising him with a man like Lalo. But you couldn’t do anything about it except from playing house with him. 

Lalo was busy doing God knows what most of the time but always made room for both of you. In some instances, you would watch him bond with your baby and there was a spark of the man you fell in love within the beginning.  

‘Papa is here’ his voice would whisper in comfort as he cuddled your son. You admired his soothing interactions especially in the dead of night when all is almost quiet except from the occasional crying. Then it ends with Lalo singing in his mother’s tongue. 

For such a controlling man he certainly had a gentle singing voice you would watch him for the doorway of the nursery in a trance and he would notice... 

Memories were important to you but there seemed to be a gap as time went by. These past two years you were held in almost complete isolation your mind was limited to only Lalo and your son. You couldn’t exactly remember all the things Lalo has done but the absence of your grandparents left a scar. 

'I made as painless as possible' his voice would echo

frustration caused you to have meltdowns at least one a day but you were ‘slowly getting better’ said by Lalo’s voice. Sometimes screaming the house down was about right. 

Lalo was a caregiver to you not only as a father he would cook majority of the meals and hold you and stroke your hair when you felt like all is collapsing around you in the midst of waking up screaming

Special occasions like birthdays and Christmas he would finally take you out to new places. When you were in the presence of other people you had the strange urge to cry for help and you didn’t know why. 

Lalo would understand the desperation and kept you in your place at all times. 

‘You really want to leave me and Eddie bebé?’ 

‘Have him grow up without his madre and me without my loving wife?’ 

After his questions came the threats when you still didn’t understand  

‘you know I could always leave alone dark and cold mi amor (my love) in the basement again’  

 Pleasure was the distraction and Lalo used it for the advantage. He would make you forget certain things with his hands mouth and cock. 

‘That’s a good girl’ he would praise lightly when you submitted yourself to his body pressing it against yours. Sweet spots were instantly found, and he made you beg ‘plea-se let me let me cum’ you would whine. And with the rasp of his deep voice ‘I think you can do better than that querida’ he would chuckle teasing you. 

Lalo made it clear that he wanted another child (many in fact) his shadow would come to the bedroom enticing you to bless him with another baby ‘démosle a Ed un hermanito o hermanita (let’s give Ed a little brother or sister)’ he would whisper in the nape of your neck. Humming in confusion (since you needed to work on your spanish) you would ask what he meant when he said that.  

Lalo didn’t tell you he would show you. 

Now you bask in the sun the garden was exceptionally beautiful as you watched your son chase butterflies. It was so dream like then you felt the hand of your husband wrap around your growing belly. 

“I’m so happy with you and our children querida” 

And you responded with a sweet kiss to his lips 

[slamminslamminmcgill]

Lalo overstim and edging headcannons? Thanks in advancee

omg yesss i love me some lalo "fuck me silly" salamanca 🤩

anatomical terms: cunt/pussy, dick

call him pharoah salamanca the way he’s the king of denial 🥵

LMAOOO ok but he loves it. he loves getting you riled up, having you writhe in his grasp as he pins you down, sobbing for him to fuck you and let you cum already bc it’s been hours.

stares you down the entire time you beg. if you want something he wants to see you debase yourself to ask him.

he coos to you and strokes your hair while he’s torturing you, giggling at how needy you are. he talks down to you like you're a petulant child. shh, it's okay, he's got you. he's gonna make it all better, you just have to wait.

he’d kiss the tears off your cheek and whisper to you “not yet, chiquito. i keep telling you. we do this the way i want, okay?”

he’s tracing his fingers up and down your cunt. you’re bucking your hips up into him, wailing for him to stop teasing and to fill you up.

"please, lalo, i need it... please don't make me wait any longer... just fuck me already..."

eventually he takes pity on you…

…and then he puts it in your ass instead because he’s fucking mean. 🖤

he won't do it often, but on days he's feeling particularly sadistic, he'll deny your pussy and just fuck your ass. he loves the despair in your face when you realize what he's doing.

"what? you said 'fuck me already'. isn't that what i'm doing? don't be so ungrateful, chico."

he flicks his thumb across your dick, just barely giving your cunt the attention it so desperately needs, but it's not enough. it's nowhere near enough, and he knows it. he's just doing it to taunt you, to tease you with the idea of an orgasm that you're not going to get.

also i’ve seen a couple people say that lalo wouldn’t like sex toys because he sees them as competition. fools. i know the truth.

he would absolutely use toys on you to overstimulate you. vibrators are his favorite because he loves watching you squirm on them, but he's a fan of anything that can make things more intense for you.

i'd imagine him going out and asking you to keep your holes plugged while he's gone. just to tease you all day and make sure you're ready for him when he gets home. :3

when he finally, finally lets you cum, it's otherworldly. he's kept you pent up and desperate for release for so long that when you do let it out, you can feel all the tension and anxiety leave your system. your nerves overload with pleasure and your mind goes blank.

lalo's just enjoying himself when it happens, so proud that he can break you this easily.

"good boy! that's it, let it out, just like that. feels good, no? was it worth waiting for?"

yes.

yes it was.

[loadednachosao3]

Lacho nsfw headcannons? Obsessed with your fics man so I gotta hear it.

hmmm let's see... headcanons, headcanons... I always get nervouse(TM) when someone asks me for general headcanons tbh bc they change so much depending on what universe I'm writing for and whatnot, but, broadly, let me try to gather some:

Lalo is a domtop in most cases, but something about Nacho makes him want to switch to sub/bottom sometimes. not all the time! but sometimes, damn, the way that boy scowls at him? the eye rolls? the MUSCLES? yes hello operator he wants that sexy man to hold him down and slap him around and have his way with him thanks

I like to think Nacho never did anything with a man before Lalo (or maybe he just fooled around lightly with Domingo years ago for experimentation's sake). Lalo is such a bitch, making him find his prostate and all, what an ASSHOLE showing him the pleasures of male/male intercourse

Nacho would start off being absolute trash at bjs. just the worst. gagging and spitting up all over the place. whining about it. total baby. don't even get him STARTED on when Lalo wants to cum in or around his mouth. no!!!!!!! (Lalo just gets more turned on by how much Nacho hates it, he will make that boy a cockslut eventually he swears)

Lalo, meanwhile, to bring it back a bit, has EXTENSIVE experience with men. just so much. he's a Salamanca prince, he does what he wants! him being gay (or bi, depending on the universe I'm writing) is just an open secret in the cartel. the Salamancas are too powerful for anyone to call him on it. he doesn't flaunt it TOO openly, but he doesn't really try that hard to hide it, either. and if anyone complains too much, he fucks them until the resulting earth-shattering prostate orgasm scrambles their brains enough to keep them from doing anything about it

Nacho is so tsundere he pretends he doesn't want it but he wants it SO bad. so bad. Lalo turned him into a faggot what a DOUCHEBAG omg!!! (Lalo loves how bitchy Nacho is, he thinks it's so cute he still tries to deny himself, hee hee)

Nacho is really sensitive on his pierced ear. Lalo likes to take advantage.

Lalo kissy his scars kissy kissy you take bullets so good for the Salamancas good boy

Lalo on that note is REALLY obsessed with "making Nacho a Salamanca" and will talk about their wedding during sex or breeding Nacho (even if they're both cis men) and Nacho has no idea what to do because it weirds him OUT but turns him on, he hates you Lalo but please don't stop dirty talking him while you dick him down

they do really rough play. cnc, breathplay, edgeplay. they both love it. Nacho kinda hates himself afterwards sometimes, Lalo never does. he comforts Nacho about giving in to his darker desires

WHEW ok is that good for y'all? are u not entertained? IS THAT NOT WHY U ARE HERE???????? jk jk thanks for coming to my TED talk

[dead-fandom-imagines]

Do you think Lalo is a romantic? I like to daydream these super fluffy scenarios with him but I feel like some of them are out of character

I personally think he’s capable of being a complete and utter sap of romance when he wants to be, but it’s more for personal gain if we’re being honest. We have to remember, Lalo thinks much like a world renowned chess player, always three moves ahead and playing the game as if he’s already been announced the winner. The opponent can try all they want, but Lalo is far more intelligent, egotistical and cunning than most people give him credit for. 

In my Diosa fic I wanted to delve more into it, and without giving too much spoilers, I plan to have Lalo send Alessandra a bouquet of roses. I’m talking about those full set of two, three dozen roses with the blood red dye of crimson drenched in those petals. He’s confident enough to send them to her work with a little note that reads a personal message, and mind you, they’re not even dating at this point in the story. 

It’s sappy, the things you see in romantic comedy’s or something and I feel like Lalo would be extremely well at it. But, like the above case with Alessandra, it’s underlying motive is what drives him. It’s to get his claws sunk into her flesh, to make her believe she likes him with all these super romantic antics because some people are really into that, and Ales just happens to be one of those people. 

He wants something from her and he’ll do just about anything to get it. Even if it means to manipulate her into believing these gestures and using his own charm and money to do it.

But in the end, I truly think he’s willing to make do with fluffy scenarios. But they’d be more mundane, and calming, like sleeping on the couch together after a long night, his fingers squeezing your own as you drive down that Mexican desert, the quiet silence with the crackling of a fire as you watch the stars above. 

Lalo has an outrageous personality, but deep down he prefers the quiet. 

Those sweet and tender simple moments.

[simping-for-people-i-shouldnt]

Reality shifters: Or just anyone into the multiverse theory Hear me out A Better Call Saul/ Breaking Bad Universe Where Trump was president at that time in the timeline. Imagine Gustavo Fring Tuco Salamanca Or Lalo Salamanca Turning on the television and bursting into laughter every three seconds. Like imagine: It’s 2017, Lalo turns in the television, Trump *talking about the wall*: “You have to be able to see through it... When they throw the large sacks of drugs over, and if you have people on the other side and you don’t see them- they hit you on the head with 60pound of stuff? It’s over. As crazy as it sounds, you need transparency through that wall.” Lalo: *fucking dies laughing*

[huesos-sangrientos]

Coffee Shop AU + Innocent Physical Contact (Walter/Jesse or Lalo/Nacho)

For Walter and Jesse I'd probably try to tie in my 'platonic-comfort choking' headcannon into it. I believe there's already a fanfic where Walter and Jesse work together at coffee shop so instead if I could I might try and make it a 'first date' or 'first time just hagging out' fic and have them reluctantly going to a Starbucks (or a more masculine themed coffee shop a.k.a. IHOP) simply cause they couldn't figure out what to do cause their interests are so different. Idk. I don't think I pull it off. I probably go with established 'akaward friendship' as well and try for a 'slow burn'.

And as for Lacho I'd want to make more interesting than a coffee shop and spend alot of time creating a detailed atmosphere and place where they worked together (with all the Salamancas and Gus would own a rivaling bussiness) And I refuse to believe that innocent touches and Lalo exist. So Nacho would be the one to initiate the touch. (Also Lalo wishes to be romanced 😎)

[inkybinkyboink]

@salenrooz​ BET YO

im a SUCKER for scent headcanons i dont even care if its weird

jimmy/saul: k so separated the two for obvious reasons. saul absolutely smells like the worst male cologne in existence. like it’s so strong to the point where it just smells like chemicals. jimmy on the other hand? idk he looks like a clean linen bastard. like it would make sense if it was like the opposite right? like i feel like he doesnt smell like anything, like he smells like fresh laundry and the nail salon he has his office in yknow?

kim: ok ok ok so. kim grew up in what im assuming to be wasn’t the super cleanest house? like pet smells, cigarette smoke, dirty dishes and takeout boxes left on the counter. and i feel like when kim grew up she wanted to become her own person and that includes the way you smell. so i feel like she smells like rose petals, the muted smell of like,,an office filled with paperwork, you know what im talking about, please you have to, and cigarette smoke, because no matter how hard she tries, a part of her will always be stuck in the past.

mike: bruh ok uh like clean laundry, but more muted??? like an old man who lives alone, and he sits in his chair all day watching movies, but he also smells like motor oil and gunpowder and soil. kaylee always thinks it’s just because he goes on hunting trips, and no one ever thinks that it could possibly be because he’s out working for a drug kingpin every day.

howard: like lavender and burts bees hand salve. please i know thats weirdly specific but i dont know what else nails the whole “living natural” more than burts bees and lavender. also slightly like chlorine. though, near the end, maybe more like restless sleep, coffee, and salt.

gus: heres the thing. it depends. i think gus has become very very good at catering himself differently depending on who he’s around. so, if he’s just “gus the los pollos restaurant owner” probably just like old spice shampoo and deodorant. simple. humble. but if he’s “gustavo fring drug kingpin visiting madrigal hq/ cartel connections” then he’s probably wearing just the right amount of cologne, like bergamot or teakwood, something citrus-y.

nacho: like motor oil and leather from working in his dad’s shop, but i feel when he’s at home or if it’s like just him it’s a lot of floral scents, mostly from the girls, but also partly his own doing. not that he uses perfume necessarily, but he’ll light a candle to get the weed smell out of the air and it’s almost always some type of flower. usually rose, or gardenia or something not too overpowering, but still nice. mostly he just smells good, but like,,,not in a comforting way, in a hot way. yknow?

lalo: it’s been like. 2 months and im not over how this bitch would smell. ive said it once and ill say it again, i have and will never meet lalo salamanca because he isn’t real, but the way he smells gives me dysphoria bc you know it’s really good and vv masculine. his grandfather used to burn palo santo because he claimed it helped with headaches. lalo never saw any merit to the claim, but he liked the smell, so when his grandfather passed away he nicked the rest of the burning wood and now his own house just kind of constantly smells like palo santo. has a tendency to use really woodsy scents when it comes to like shampoo and stuff, and he usually smells like spices or cooking oil or something. good god i love him i wanna give him a hug.

chuck: i felt bad leaving him out. chuck smells like plastic and gasoline and like,,,a library in a really weird way. im not saying its good or bad, im just saying it is. kind of probably constantly smells like somethings burning but its not. its just the wires he recklessly tore out of the wall. 

bonus!

skyler white: there needed to b more women in this post ok brba and bcs are really bad for the bechdel test and it makes me mad!!! anyways, i think skyler would smell good yo! like god dude idk like she smells comforting in the same sense that your mom was comforting as a kid, and she smelled like home yknow? 

lydia rodarte-quayle: the same paper scent kim has but stronger. also like herbal teas and cinnamon. and coffee. shes not one to like douse herself in perfume or whatever, but i dont think shes beyond indulging in an expensive fragrance yknow what i mean? lydia smells good but also you can tell she’s rich when she walks by you.

[asgardianangel]

Heyy! I have request ...I'm missing Lalo ..maybe Tony Dalton too much lately...I always wondered what would've happened if lalo was alive instead of gus and what would've happened in BB...I'm most curious about dynamic between jesse and lalo because in my opinion jesse would've been next nacho..lalo would like him but with Walter he will make use of his abilities and the moment he thinks walter is no use or he is too much too handle for Walter' rash decisions and paranoia lalo will kill him...

So I'm curious about jesse and lalo relationship so can I request you to write headcanon??!🙈

Lalo and Jesse relationship headcannons:

This one was a bit tricky for me but here's what I think

Lalo is a very unpredictable at times but he remains calm and collective unlike his hot-headed cousin Tuco 

Lalo would certainly be impressed by the word on the street about ‘blue crystal’ and within his power he would quickly find whoever cooked it 

Jesse would be intimidated by him at first  

I expect him to accept Jesse with open arms once he gets to know him. 

From Jesse’s perspective Lalo seems like a ‘cool guy’ who is more than willing to conduct business with him 

Walter would suspect Lalo as a threat in terms of him being a Salamanca and Jesse would try to convince him to ‘give Lalo a chance’  

Given that Walter and Jesse’s relationship is unstable Jesse would seek to Lalo for reassurance and would become his right-hand man. 

Lalo would think Jesse ‘is good for a lot of things’ and confide in him to teach him about the ‘blue stuff’ 

Lalo would favour Jesse more than Walter because he’s easier to manipulate 

With their mutual agreement on how erratic Tuco is they would start to form a sort of friendship ‘he’s a hot head no?’ Lalo would chuckle 

Walter would grow to dislike Lalo even more for taking Jesse away from him. 

Knowing how the Salamancas are on top of the chain Jesse would like the idea of ‘being closer to a Salamanca’ as Lalo would put it. 

Over time Jesse would thrive on being feared and powerful amongst the streets for just simply being Lalo’s right-hand man 

Lalo would become paranoid about Walter’s ambitions to take over his own supply. 

He would probably use Jesse against Walter to drive him off course and see he has no choice but to work for him 

Being the stalker, he is Lalo would compile information even visiting unannounced to Walter and Jesse’s homes to ‘check-up’ on them 

I don’t think he would kill Jesse but most likely kill Walter if he gets too ‘out of hand’