#lambert/eskel

[dudelkin]

Волк волку волк….☝️

[dandeliont3aandsageleaves]

Fic idea where Jaskier is a fae who keeps breaking into Kaer Morhen despite everyone's best efforts.

He doesn't want to hurt any of them (obviously), he just thinks the Witchers are cool and wants to shower them with affection. So he breaks in every winter and brings them food and helps fix up the keep and makes sure they're okay and sings them songs.

The Witchers are understandably very upset and freaked out by this random fae breaking into their home every winter. They spend so long trying to ward the keep against him, they try chasing Jaskier away, there are multiple attempts on his life. Jaskier just laughs and boops them on the nose before fluttering away. They end up reluctantly accepting him like one of those wild foxes trying to domesticate themselves.

Jaskier then starts kidnapping leading other Witchers to Kaer Morhen and the keep eventually fills up with very confused, very grumpy Witchers and a very satisfied fae who's happy with his collection.

[ladyannemarie5]

Thinking that the breakup of Jaskier, aka the Continent's most famous bard, and his muse the White Wolf was the juiciest gossip of that year, and that Burn Butcher Burn was the mega-hit of the summer that caused Geralt's reputation to plummet.

The other Witchers couldn't believe that Geralt had been foolish enough to end his relationship with Jaskier, the bard who had cleaned up his reputation and made the Witchers heroes, so they spend all winter complaining to him about breaking up with him.

When Jaskier accompanies Ciri to Kaer Morhen, Eskel, Lambert and even Vesemir apologize on Geralt's behalf. Lambert and Eskel do not hesitate to present themselves as candidates for a new muse, and when Jaskier turns them down with a smile, they tell him about other Witchers who might be excellent candidates for the bard's companions.

Geralt returns to find his brothers and father trying to match HIS bard with someone else.

Geralt is completely jealous, Lambert and Eskel want his song benefits again and Jaskier is happy to have all the attention for himself.

[ficsforfundota]

Chapters: 2/2 Fandom: Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types, The Witcher (TV) Rating: Mature Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Lambert/Eskel - Relationship, Eskel/Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia, Eskel/Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Lambert, Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Lambert Characters: Lambert (The Witcher), Eskel (The Witcher), Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia Additional Tags: walking in on sex, Eavesdropping, Anal Sex, Bottom Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia, Kaer Morhen (The Witcher), Blowjobs, Threesome - M/M/M, Double Penetration in One Hole, cum as lube, cum dump geralt, Top Lambert (The Witcher), Top Eskel (The Witcher), Nicknames, save a witcher bingo fill, Voyeurism Summary:

Lambert was walking along the hall when he thought he could hear crying coming from the other side of the door so he wants to make sure whoever is making such a fuss okay.

[suansusu]

PRICE OF NEUTRALITY

[0dde11eth]

Kaer morons playing hide and seek one day

Geralt: first one found. (No geralt hiding behind the curtains isn't a good hiding spot)

Eskel: second one found. (He's a bear of a man, it's harder for him to find nooks and crannies that he can fit into)

Lambert: third one found. (He giggles when someone walks by his spot, which he denys profusely)

Coen: the fourth one found. (He's patient and clever. He finds spots never before used by any of the morons, which isnt easy considering how old they all are and how often they play.)

Aiden: second to last out. (He's a cat witcher he can hide in plain sight. He painted himself so he looked like one of the statues. He couldnt resist and jumped at lambert who squealed in terror.)

Jaskier: last to be found. He just got lost in the castle and everyone was in a panic until they found him

[zishiyao]

This might be one of the toughest monsters a witcher has to face.

[aroace-madness]

The wolf Witchers want- no, need Geralt to apologise to his bard as soon as it's physicaly possible

That bard Has been working his ass off to fix the reputation of Witchers one song at a time and all the Witchers could never thank him enough for that

But ever since the whatever-the-fuck happened at that gods forsaken mountain a few years prior and since Jaskier made that brake-up song (because let's all be honest to eachother here now, it was a break-up song) things have been going to absolute shit, everyone, all the people across the continent went back to their old witcher hating ways

Geralt has to apologise to Jaskier by yesterday

But when day when Lambert was coming back from a surprisingly succesfull hunt he saw him, Jaskier, with a young, white haired, blue eyed girl trailing by his side

Looks like that fateful day Geralt didn't leave Jaskier with only a broken heart

He had to inform his brothers immediately

Or

The Witchers have absolutely no clue how human biology works and now Jaskier has to deal with the consequences of that

[artistsfuneral]

So we all know that Vesemir spends most of his rime during the year in Kaer Morhen and its surrounding lands, only following the Path on rare occasions.

What we have not yet considered is that throughout the winter his Wolves are preparing enrichment for Vesemir.

Eskel has a bunch of tiny lil goat figurenes, numbered 1 to 50, that he hides throughout the keep. The first one is easy to spot, but for the rest Eskel goes all out with his hiding places. Thanks to their small size they fit everywhere. In the tiniest nooks and crannies, in a pair of socks, under mug, balanced on top of a wonky old nail in the far back of the stables. He always finds them in the most unexpected places and they always make him smile.

Lambert takes a piece of chalk and draws dicks everywhere. If Vesemir wants to wipe them all off, he has to move furniture, climb through the rafters, walk across the roof, stretch and bend his body in ways he normally wouldn't have to. It's worth it, tho, when he finds tiny messages, things Lambert would never say out loud to him, but can admit when he's halfway across the continent.

Geralt leaves him treaure maps. A piece of rolled up parchment Vesemir will find in the back of his closet, his riding boots, in the garden shed, etc. They're traditional maps, sometimes riddles, sometimes simple drawings of places Vesemir needs to look for to find the "treasure". It's always things Vesemir would consider a luxury, things he likes but would never buy for himself, like puzzle boxes, rare books or expensive soaps.

[dirtycombatboots]

Geralt once told Jaskier that sometimes witchers keep pets for the company on the path, but since they have to be practical, those pets can also be bait for monsters or an emergency food supply. Naturally, Geralt mostly means Eskel and Lil Bleater, since the goat can be used as milk source, or roasted (this isn't the first Lil Bleater, just like Roach is not the first Roach).

People sometimes call Jaskier Geralt's pet, Geralt usually doesn't say anything about it. Jaskier starts thinking that maybe Geralt does think about him as a pet. For company, obviously. Then there is a instance when Geralt asks Jaskier to help - which ends up with Jaskier being used as bait for the monster. Now Jaskier is absolutely sure that to Geralt he is a pet. Well, at least he won't be used as emergency food supply, witchers aren't cannibals.

Geralt brings Jaskier to Kaer Morhen

Geralt, trying to flirt: You thighs look rather delicious tonight

Jaskier, immediately jumping to conclusion that Geralt brought him here to make a bard kebab and share with fellow wolves: *running around the keep, screaming and begging every witcher not no eat him*

Vesemir, not wanting to know: Calm down, idiot. Go eat something, your brain obviously needs calories

Jaskier: ARE YOU FATTENING ME UP FOR SLAUGHTER?

Lambert, being a little shit: Judging by your reputation, won't even need to season you, you should be naturally spicy

Jaskier: *screeching*

Eskel, thoughtfully: I've read somewhere that the first part of the human body you should consume is liver

Everyone: What the fuck?

Eskel: It's relatively clean part, nutritious, soft, and a rather large organ

Jaskier: *desperately chugging vodka to ruin his liver*

[deannamb]

The pups are growing up..

[dudelkin]

Some quick redraw of the witcher 2007 official art👉👈

[dandeliont3aandsageleaves]

None of the Witchers know how humans work. The only thing they know is that they're weaker and more delicate then Witchers, and they need to be careful when handling them.

Then Geralt brings home a bard for the winter, and all they know is that this human makes their brother happy and he's Pack now, so they need to take Very Good Care of him.

Jaskier is not impressed by these over-bearing, mother-henning Wolves.

~~~~

Jaskier: *shivers slightly*

Lambert: oh fuck the bards cold. GUYS THE BARD IS COLD!!! >:(

Eskel, appearing out of nowhere: here's some furs

Eskel: *burritos jaskier*

Geralt: *whisks him away to the nearest fire*

Jaskier, limbs trapped, unable to move: ????

~

Jaskier, working in the library: *gets a paper cut*

Jaskier: shit-

Geralt: *shoves himself between jaskier and the book, growling*

Vesemir: are you okay? Are you hurt?? Here let me see that.

Jaskier: no, really I'm fine-

Vesemir: you're bleeding >:(

Geralt: *growls louder*

Vesemir: *meticulously cleans and bandages jaskier's finger as if it's a life threatening injury*

~

Lambert: *quietly lurking behind Jaskier*

Jaskier: *turns around*

Jaskier: *terrified bard sounds*

Jaskier: damnit Lambert you almost gave me a heart attack

Lambert: what??? Is your heart okay??? Here, let me listen.

Jaskier: it's just a figure of speech-

Lambert: GUYS THE BARD'S HEART IS TRYING TO KILL HIM

~

Jaskier: *stomach rumbles*

Eskel: here's some bread

Jaskier: weren't you on the other side of the keep???

Eskel: :)

~

Jaskier: *carrying something heavy*

The Wolves: *fighting to be the one to take it from him*

~

Jaskier: *minding his own business*

Geralt: 🟡_🟡

Eskel: 🟡_🟡

Lambert: 🟡_🟡

Vesemir: 🟡_🟡

Jaskier: can I fucking help you-

[help-help-i-need-an-adult]

Kaer Moron Breakfast Cereal:

Vesemir’s favorite cereal is Raisin Bran. You know why.

Eskel’s doesn’t have a favorite cereal but will have a bowl of whatever is available to achieve a balanced breakfast.

Geralt’s favorite cereal is Shredded Wheat because it looks like hay bales and he likes pretending he’s a horse.

Lambert’s favorite cereal is Reese’s Puffs because they look like bombs and he loves peanut butter.

Aiden’s favorite cereal is Life because he likes to fill the box with lemons when he’s done with it and leave it to prank Eskel.

Ciri’s favorite cereal is Lucky Charms because she likes marshmallows.

Yen makes ice coffee and claims it counts because the ice is the cereal, and it has milk and sugar like cereal. Jaskier will make it for her in a bowl any chance he can get to subtly call her out on it. She just picks up the bowl and carries on like it’s normal.

Jaskier’s favorite cereal is Frosted Flakes because Tony the Tiger is hot.

@0dde11eth @everything-but-the-not-natural

[onlypartiallyarts]

is this anything

(click for better quality)

[suansusu]