#leo has already made like. a Ton of ocs and tells me about them from time to time

[keeps-ache]

OH (one of) my siblings is learning to draw now !! this is very cool and swag, the only thing that isn't is that he is trying to learn from me fhsvh

[infuriatedleprechaun]

OSTRACIZED

CHAPTER 10: Shadow 

Hi guys! I’m excited to bring this new OC in, she’s comedic relief and very wholesome, I like the way she turned out. So I hope you guys enjoy this next chapter. 

A lot happened in the last one, this is more fluff and filler before we get down and dirty, figured I’d give you guys a break

You guys get to learn more about Abby as well! her hobbies and past. Hope you enjoy!

Chapters 1-9

RECAP: 

- "But you're far from human, you are quite the specimen. Silver will LOVE to get their hands on you, little girl. Pay me a lot of money. Looks like you made up for the Alpha fox I lost, saving you." I barely processed what he was saying, who was Silver? - "Rasputia. Please. I'm in a lot of pain" my eyes widened at that, that was definitely not consent, and she was now hurting him! My hands tightened around the hot bowl of soup, what do I do? Donnie was just down the hall.  "Come on now, turtle. Least I can do is have fun with you before I kill you. You're a mutant freak, but you fucked like no other" she giggled, but it wasn't a bubbly giggle, it was evil, she was so evil. My anger raised before I could stop it, my skin turning more white than it's fair color already, fur growing, and I blacked out, last thing I heard was the bowl of soup hitting the ground with a shatter. - "So. You're the experiment TCRI has been looking for" I quickly turned my attention to Rasputia. What did she say?"What-What do you mean?" I swallowed. "I was paid to track you, and kill them" Rasputia rolled her eyes, I heard a gasp from Mikey from his bed.  "But-" She was using Mikey to get close to me. "Almost killed a couple of you, I'll do better next time" A couple?!"What do you mean 'a couple?'  you almost killed them?" I had to calm myself down, or Alopex would want to finish her off.  "Yeah, purple right there and the obnoxious orange one in the bed. Cornered one, exposed the other" Leo and Raph's jaws clenched at the same time as they stared this woman down. - "Anastasia?" I couldn't believe this! My sister found me! - My happiness was slightly short lived when all four turtles landed behind the woman Raph storming up to her, not the best way for my family to meet each other…

WARNINGS: slight nsfw, tons of fluff, talk about guns, fighting, and drinking (If i miss anything please lemme know) 

Shadow

Ana moved closer to me in a scramble upon seeing them, her eyes were wide, as she grabbed me and swallowed with quite some effort.  

Her head went from me, to them quickly in an almost comical way as she pointed at them.

"Ana. This is my family. Guys, this is my sister: Anastasia" I said with pride, I missed her so much.

"Wh-you've been staying with them this whole time??" Anastasia gasped, her eyes were glued on them, but the fear seemed to be subsiding. It wasn't even really fear, just shock, they did come on a little strong, but so do I when they were in danger, so I understood.

"Well, not the whole time, since a few months ago, the rest is a bit complicated" I left it at that.

"You guys are sooooo cool!" Her eyes were huge and a big smile made its way to her face.

"And ripped! Holy fuck! What are you guys!" Anastasia almost looked starry eyed at the boys.

This is when Mikey took a solid 5 minutes elaborately explaining each and every brother. And what they were. I patiently watched with amusement, while also keeping watch to make sure no one would make their way down the alleyway.

"You guys are ninjas?" Her eyes were about to bug out at this rate. I found it so heart warming the boys got this kind of reaction from a stranger. You could tell it was good for their souls based on their smiles.

"No way, show me some moves!" Ana was ecstatic. Leo was about to step up but Mikey made the first move, nudging him back.  

"Oh, I don't mind showing pretty girls my moves" he winked. She gleefully raised a brow at the orange cladded turtle. But went right back to being in awe when he pulled his chucks and began to move.

"He do this for all the ladies?" Ana snickered as Mike finished up.

"Yes. Literally all the women we've ever met. Aside from Abby because again, that was a complex situation"  Donnie took the wind out of Mikey's sails, like, he seriously just deflated.

"Bruh. Not in front of the hot new, babe" he pouted. His expression was a less intense one of what Anastasia had.

"Bummer. Maybe you'll get the next one, cutie pie" I couldn't help but to smile, Ana hadn't changed much, if at all. When she turned back to me she gave me a hug that rivaled a bear.

"I'm so happy I found you. I was so worried. Mom and dad put posters everywhere-"

"They.... They did? They're the ones that told me to leave" I frowned with confusion.

"Yeah. I left right after our parents kicked you out. Kind of stalked them on social media when they were trying to find you, but it wasn't good enough, I never stopped looking for you, sis" Ana was unusually serious.

I felt a lump in my throat at the barrage of information, did that mean our parents were willing to forgive me? Maybe not accept, that came with time, but, that was far more than I thought. I didn't know they were even looking for me at all, Splinter was right, I would need to talk to them eventually, maybe after I figured everything  out and was able to control my body, mind, and emotions better. To not put them in danger.  

"We should-probably get going, we're pretty exposed out here" Leo obviously didn't want to interrupt, but I knew why he did.

"Of course. Um" I really didn't want to just invite my sister into their home.

"She can come too" Leo assured, he had a gentle smile.

"I'll get the blind fold" Mikey threw down the groceries. Much to Donnie's displeasure, his poptarts were in that bag and now they were probably squished. Leo looked at me with gentle blue eyes.

"Do you trust her?"  

"With my life" I nodded, my sister always had my back.

"Alright Mikey, we aren't blind folding her to take her to the lair" Leo decided as he plucked the rest of the groceries out of the basket.

"Who said it was to bring her into the lair?" Mike gave his brother some eyebrows who was now rolling his eyes, then looked at Anastasia.

"Keep your eye on him" the newest addition to the family was biting her lip in amusement at Mike.

"Oh, can do" I raised my brows at that. So did Leo, and then he opened the man hole cover, he blinked a couple times, did he hear that right? Looked back at Ana for a moment who was amused, and then lead the way down, Donnie following him.

"Hey, go return the cart, I'll wait for you here" Raph said gently to me. I nodded and began to move the cart back, the two seemed like they were going to stick around while I went back to the store front.

I hustled over, so excited to catch up with my sister, only Raph was waiting, holding the man hole cover open for me, I smiled at him warmly, and then hopped in.

"So you guys live in the sewers?" Ana asked looking around, and kind of covering her nose up.

"Yeah, and if you tell anyone, it won't end well" Raph assured her, I placed a hand gently on his arm, but I knew he was probably going to act like this. He was so protective of his family.

"You think an extended nap scares me? Bring it" Ana turned around, eying the red banded reptile. Who now looked at her blankly, I couldn't help a snicker, they were going to have to take some time to get used to her, she wasn't very much like me personality wise. Polar opposite really.  

"Did you just call death an extended nap?" Mikey giggled.

"I did. You're quick, cutie pie" she beamed.

.

.

"You mean to tell me. You can throw a shipping container" Ana blinked.

"I can, and if you keep running your mouth I'll throw you" Raph huffed at her.

"Please throw me. Please do it. Right off a cliff" Ana snickered. She was a big memer, tended to get into the dark and messed up memes, and then tended to forget she was not on the internet with the people that shared the same sense of humor.

"You ok? You need to talk?" Raph wasn't being genuine, apparently he shared that sense of humor.

"You know what Raph? I bet you're actually a cuddly teddy bear. Sis? What's the verdict?" I was confused, there was no way she knew Raph and I were, well, what were we exactly? Kind of together?

"You heard Mikey: If teddy big cuddly teddy bears were incredibly violent" Raph reiterated from his brother.

"Although, you looked pretty cuddly today after she threw you to the ground" Mikey had a massive cheesy grin.

"Before? Or after Raph got turned on?" The red that made its way to my cheeks after Donnie said that. But I knew comments like that were inevitable, they found me in his room this morning, they probably thought we did more than we actually did.

"Wait wait wait. You? Threw HIM to the ground? My sweet innocent sister who gave up her temper and fighting?" I was now frowning at Ana, my eyes pleading, I was under the mindset I could get away from my past here, start fresh, and the guys not knowing about my INCREDIBLY embarrassing past.

"Temper?" I heard the pitch of Raph's voice go from looking ahead, to looking at me as Don opened the lair door.

"Yeah, she used to pick fights in school. She got into enough trouble one day, turned a new leaf" I was now staring at the ground, and groaning. I was so happy I wasn't a stupid teenager anymore.

"We are talking about Abbigail. Right?" That was Leo who stopped walking altogether, no one seemed disturbed, just very surprised. That didn't change the fact I wanted to die of embarrassment.

"Ana, why are you doing this to me?" I sighed.

"Anything else?" Mikey and Raph seemed to be liking this.

"Please no" came my faint whisper.

"Sorry toots, We are the ones that are supposed to be the mysteries. Not you" Raph stepped in, I blankly gave bear some pets upon walking in when he excitedly ran up to greet everyone.  

"Mystery my ass. What else could shredded, ripped ninja turtles be hiding?" Ana eyed him.

"You'd be surprised"

"I noticed you said 'ripped' AND 'shredded' you like?" Mikey flexed for her.

"Keep it up handsome" She snickered, she was, she was eyeing him hard.

"I'm gonna puke" Raph said quickly.

"We put the groceries away? I'll tell you all the hobbies she used to do too"

"Say less" Raph and Mikey stormed off ahead of Leo and Donnie. I groaned again and followed them to help with the groceries, if they didn't go complete ninja on them and put them away in pointwtf seconds.

"Guys, it's not even really anything" I whined, it was to me, but come on Ana!

"You need to talk about some of the fights she got into too!" Raph seemed way too thrilled about that.

"Well let's see, once she was 16 she started building A LOT of guns, she used to go to a lot of parties and get shit faced, that's when she REALLY fought people, typically guys twice her size. She won some, she lost some" It appeared Anastasia was already letting rip before they were even done with putting groceries away. I absentmindedly put some of the non perishables in the pantry, I don't know if I want to be around for this.

"Seriously? You used to build guns?" Donnie raised his brows at that.

"Like, airsoft?" he guessed.

"Naw dude. Like, AR15s were her specialty. Think she made an AR10 and an AK at one point" All four boys were staring a hole into me, I was making eye contact with the can in front of me, scared to turn around.

"She used to drink?" Raph broke his stupor.

"She probably had one of the hardest working livers on the galaxy, not many could outdrink her, many tried" Ana almost sounded like she was boasting. Sure I would drink casually with the boys now, but never enough to get drunk, maybe a beer or seltzer an hour for a few hours. I was dreading something like this happening, oh man I needed to get out of here.

"Let's go to the family room! I wanna hear more!" The groceries were put away, and the boys were following my sister to said room. I just stood there, nope, I was not going in, she clearly had their attention enough to make my escape.  

Even Bear seemed drawn to the newcomer, so I snuck to my room, grabbed my glock, and then high tailed it out of the lair, even managing to sneak past the ninjas.

.

.

I came back later in the day, feeling a bit bad for running, yes, but I also shot 300 rounds of ammo courtesy of Charlie. I made sure to do a good job cleaning up the entire range, because I felt bad for taking advantage of his 'free ammo for Abby' policy he gave me since I was in high school. I shifted the glock case to the other hand, everyone would probably be asleep, so I was going to need to be quiet.

Carefully, I opened the heavy metal door, and made my way in, Raph was right there, at the door, and he didn't look happy. I just stared up at him as he observed me, seeing my gun case.

"You had that the entire time?" I didn't go anywhere without my gun, especially when I've been kidnapped multiple times, both times: I did not have a gun.

"Yes" why was he mad at me? I felt my chest tighten in anticipation, was I losing his trust again?

"Where were you?" Now he looked more hurt. Go back to being mad, please, that was more bearable, seeing anything along the lines of hurt in his eyes made my heart painfully tight.

"I was at the range, shooting a few hundred rounds"

"We will have a completely different discussion on how long you've been going to the gun range without our watch. Why did you leave?" He was taking a gentler tone with me. After the gun range comment, I guess I never did tell them I went…

"I just- Ana was saying a bunch of embarrassing things- and I just needed to get out a bit" I pursed my lips, I meant no harm, it was just blowing off some steam, Ana was my sister and she was merely acting like my sister. And making up for lost time.

"We weren't trying to embarrass you. What's even embarrassing about the stuff she was saying? All your old hobbies sound really cool. Donnie even wants you to help him make some new weapons on the garbage truck." I smiled a little at that but my face lowered a little again.

"It's embarrassing to me. My dad would frown on me doing so many boyish things. Always said I should be more lady like or guys would think I was weird.... and well... Wouldn't want to be with me..." I admitted. Let's face it, he was right, good thing I didn't mind women, but even then, many found me odd.

"Fuck what he said, you got me, you don't need to worry about it anymore, if you want to do any of those things, do em. In the mean time, you were in danger when we found you, we need to keep tabs on you, and now your sister. What if one of our enemies snagged you or Anastasia. Hmm?" Raph wasn't mad or hurt, he was scared. I frowned, I didn't know this would be his reaction, or I would've put more thought into it. I did not sneak out with the intent to make him worried.

"If we get caught by your enemies? I say this in all seriousness: Don't do some dumb shit to get us back. If we die, we die" Ana shrugged as she came up from behind Raph, and said that so seriously, again, she knew me and knew I would be on board with her logic. Raph looked her with angry horror, and then looked at me, I just shrugged, there were plenty of things that were so much bigger than us. Like saving the city.  

"That's not going to happen" Leo came from out of the shadows. Why was everyone listening in on everyone here? And why were all the lights off?

"Like, especially if it puts you guys in danger too. Fuck it" Ana continued.

"You just got here, you can't already start some self sacrifice shit!" Mikey huffed at her.

"The fuck I can't. You guys barely know me, anyway. Don't even sweat it" she swiped a hand at the air on the side of her.

"We know your stubborn asses wouldn't do the same. Regardless, we will never just leave you guys behind" I never really thought of this before. I have no idea how I haven't, but it's just nothing that I ever really put any thought into.

"You guys do what you need to do. I will understand" I said quietly, such a grim conversation we decided to have tonight.

"What we have ta do. Is make sure we keep every member of this family safe" Raph put both hands on my arms, and made me look up at him, the close proximity getting my heart racing just a little faster, closeness aside, I knew this man was telling me he'd do absolutely anything for me and his loved ones, and it hit me hard.

"Enough of this" Leo liked where his brother left the conversation at apparently.

"Yeah, it's depressing as hell. Finally got a girlfriend and she's talking about dying" Mikey whined. Ana turned her head to him, her blue eyes amused at him.

"Like I said, you don't even know me" She definitely wasn't offended at the concept, just giving him a hard time.  

"Oh but I'd like to. Wanna keep talking in my room?" He smile took up most of his face. She looked amused but interested in his offer, looking around at the other 2 brothers currently present in a 'does he usually work this quick like?'

"Sure cutie pie. Lead the way" Mikey held his arm out for her like a gentleman, and she took it, as they strolled in the direction of his room.

I wasn't overly surprised my blonde sister was smitten for the turtle. Leo and Raph on the other hand? Their jaws were dropped as they watched the two leave, they'd known each other for a few hours?! Raph released my arms, and wrapped an arm around my shoulders, I guess we'd be spending the night with each other again, which I had no problem with. I'm just so glad he wasn't upset anymore.

"Be honest with me. Will she take care of Mike? His heart is raw, and I don't wanna see him get hurt again" Raph was staring ahead at the two, he looked nervous. Leo turned quickly back at me, almost like he was nervous for the answer, I didn't take it personally, I was worried about Mike, Ana would never treat him poorly, I just hoped she'd know quickly to be gentle with his heart. Even despite his past relationship, he had a gentle heart of gold and he loved to pass it on to everyone, because he was amazing like that.

"She was very good to her exes. Typically, it didn't work out because of them, or it was a neutral break up. She is always very respectful and….. VERY overprotective"

"Whatcha mean overprotective?" Raph probably thought I mean territorial, probably.

"If they get together, and someone hurts Mike. She will not hesitate to shoot someone. In fact. I'd keep Rasputia and Mike a secret, Ana knows how to track and hunt, too…" that was a genuine warning, Ana got a little protective of me even.

"She learn from you?" Raph seemed a bit more amused and more at ease now.

"Hunting? We learned from our dad. But I did take her to the range a lot-" I realized he was making a joke and stopped myself, clearing my throat, feeling silly for having my gun in my hand now.

"Well I'm glad you can protect yourselves, in more ways than one" Leo nodded as we all started to migrate to our rooms.

"Go get changed and put your gun away, I'll see you in my room" He gently mumbled.

"Alright. Where's Don at?" He wasn't apart of the listening in, like everyone else.

"Been on his computer doing stuff since we got home from grocery shopping" he explained.

"Oh. I need to give Rasputia some food. And then see if I can get him to bed" If someone didn't remind him, he would stay up all night, he got very caught up in his work. Raph eyed me, his face going a bit serious.

"I'd rather you stayed away from her. She's dangerous, and gets into your head" he pointed out.

"She needs to eat, and get patched up"

"Don says he patched her up, tried to get her to talk, but nothing came of that. Come on, we can bring her some food, night Leo"  I pursed my lips, and nodded, I always loved having one of the guys at my side, and well, Raph was quickly making his way into a special place of my heart.

I nodded and lead him to the kitchen, deciding to make her a sandwich. Nice and simple, yet nutritious enough to get her through. I'd really need to start taking care of her better. Yes she was a horrible she devil, but she was still a person and I don't know her circumstances.

I got some wheat bread out, mayo, mustard, and cheese. And quickly got to work.

"Dip her sandwich in water before you give it ta her" Raph suggested. I laughed and shook my head, that's disgusting. Make her start asking questions.

The turtle smiled upon hearing my laugh, and then held the door open for me after I placed some chips on the plate with the sandwich, and started to make my way out.

"Hey Don, whatcha working on?" I said as I set the plate down on a nearby medical bed.

"Reading more into those files we got" I knew they weren't all about me. But I was getting a little more nervous to know more about myself, I can't keep running forever.

"You find anything?" I gently pried.

"Yes, a sister company of TCRI I am doing more research into" he nodded, licking his lips as his eyes were glued to his 3 monitors. The light and parts of the screen reflecting off of his thick glasses as he ran his fingers over the keyboard rapidly.

"What's it called?" I asked.

"Silver" my shoulders slumped, my eyes grew wide.

"What? What's going on?" Raph came up from behind me, wrapping an arm around me, his hazel/green eyes looked concerned. I focused on him to snap myself out of it, how gentle he was, how supportive, how did I even get his attention in the first place?

"I um. The cutthroat. He mentioned Silver. Said he was going to get a lot of money from them in exchange for me" I felt Raph's muscles tense in his arm, as he clenched his fist, he was not happy to hear about that. I gently placed a hand on his arm, immediately getting his attention, a small smile on my face, as I looked into his eyes.

"It's ok. He didn't make it far" was my sheepish response.

"Hmm. So I guess the shim is actively apart of that. Also good to know. April is going to be doing some snooping around their lab, see who she can find for us to interrogate that will actually have answers" Don told Raph and I, he finally saw the sandwich.

"Well, I already ate more than I should've today in leftovers. So I'm assuming that’s for she who shall not be named"

"God you're a nerd, Don"

"Someone has to be" Donnie stuck his tongue out at his brother who was rolling his eyes, but snickered at him.

"Yeah, it's for her, we do need to feed her. Raph said you patched her up" Don did not look like he was not ready to talk about that one. But got up and removed the lock on the reinforced makeshift door, and took the plate off the nearby bed lowering it down the hole for her to come and grab. And then immediately locked her back up before she could start yelling obscurities up at him.

"You good in here Don?" Raph asked, he seemed more relaxed now that that was all over. The purple turtle slipped a hand under his glasses to rub his eyes and nodded.

"Don't stay up too late, ok?" I gently said.

"Yeah. I'm just going to finish reading this bit, and I'll go to bed" He promised. The smile never left my face, I nodded but knew he wasn't going to be telling the truth.

"Come on, let's go" Raph gently guided me out of the medbay, I was snickering a bit at his urgency, but didn't resist.

"You gonna check on him in a bit?" I asked.

"Oh big time" the second oldest promised, his amazing eyes watching me with his own amusement.

"In the mean time, I like the cuddling, and I'm excited for it" He informed, my face lit up at that, he was so cute! And man has he opened up a lot more around me.    

And this time, he didn't have to see me in provocative clothing. I got my sweats, night bra, and sweatshirt washed after I did all the other chores around the house today.

"Go get dressed I'll see you in my room"   he almost seemed giddy, and it was the cutest thing I have ever witnessed in my life. I was in cloud 9, complete bliss, and I wasn't even cuddling with him yet. I quickly nodded and scampered off to my room.

Getting my sweats, long sleeved shirt, and sweatshirt. And then all but jogged to Raph's room, being sure to knock and patiently wait.

"Come in" came the low toned voice. Man I loved his voice, I bit my lip and walked in shyly. He was just finishing up getting dressed himself, and the smile shone in his eyes, my heart all but sang for his. He truly was my soul mate.

"Would it bother you seeing me half dressed?" He raised a bridge. I blushed, wondering where he was going with this, but it was actually making me a bit excited.

"Not even a little" I assured. When people met my personal preferences in general, I didn't mind seeing them showing a little skin. Not too much (let alone naked) then it started to gross me out.

But not only did Raph strike every fiber of my heart and soul to make me deeply attracted to him. He blew my preferences out of the water tenfold. He was gorgeous and perfect in every way. To put it simply, I was a love struck idiot for this man.

The smirk that graced his features about made me melt. His ego was boosted, and I have to say, I loved it. Confidence looked so good on him, and I wanted to do it more often.

"Is that so?" More devilish. I bit my lip and nodded.

"Then don't worry about knocking. And why are you wearing so many clothes? You have a smoking hot body you work so hard on. Loved what you were wearing last night. I prefer you wear less, but whatever you're comfortable with" the red on my face got deeper, probably went down my neck. Raph had that special ability to do it, and I feel he was making me do it a ridiculous amount!

I was never confident in my body, got bullied at one point. And while I made a lot of progress in my health, I still was VERY unsure about showing it off. But Raph made it blatantly clear he's impressed and even likes when I do just that. It's the least I can do?

"Ok, be right back" I can't believe I was doing this, I wonder what his reaction would be to lingere when we get to that point in our relationship?

I came back still in sweats, but stripped out of them, being in my tight tank top. No bra, and shorts. Raph bit his bottom lip looking at me, it felt predatorial and I was digging it actually.

"Come on" he opened the covers for me, and I all but dove into them. It was cold, and I was excited, as he pulled me almost completely on top of him. The heat of both our bodies clashing, as he wrapped an arm around my lower back. Rocking me.

He laid a kiss on my cheek, and another on the top of my head. My face was pressed in against his chest, the massive grin that took up the entirety of my facial features.

I cant even begin to explain the bliss I was feeling. I felt so safe, happy, and giddy, like nothing could ruin this. I heard Raph chuckle, felt it through his body. His happiness was the cherry on top, I don't know what was so amusing to him, but I'm just glad he loved this and was having as good of a time as I was.

My head pivoted with my neck, so my chin was now on his plastron, giving me the ability to look up at him. Shamelessly still smiling like, welp, probably an idiot, honestly.

"You look so adorable" his smirk wasn't like earlier, it was just a genuine show of what his heart was giving off.

We haven't been dating (if that's what you wanna call it? I don't know? This is all so new) for too long. I didn't want to pressure him into things too quickly by telling him how I really felt.

Because if I was being honest with myself, I know I'd say I loved this man. Without a doubt, without a second thought. I loved him, and I would do anything for him. Even if I can't say it out loud yet, my respect for him was too high. We were in no rush.

Wow. I love him, I actually loved someone, for the first time in my life there is a person in my life who isn't family that I loved so deeply. My heart felt like it was going to explode at the revelation. This turtle has my heart, and I was so happy to give it to him.

I couldn't really stop myself, my body just reacted on the rampant emotional high. The thing that boosted any sex drive within me. And I quickly lunged at his lips, capturing him in a kiss.

He jolted ever so slightly in surprise, before he pulled me closer. A low grumble reverberating my entire body from being on him. A couldn't help the shiver that worked it's way up from my spine.

We rolled, Raph was on top of me, the kiss was getting heated, he was sucking on my bottom lip, even biting it. My breathing was going haywire, I wanted more. I actually wanted more! So many firsts, it was such an experience.

His hips grinded against mine, and I ran my hands up his plastron. As one of his hands grabbed the back of my head, and the other my lower back to slam my hips harder against his. He got more leverage that way, and I got to feel more, more of his quickly growing arousal.

I couldn't help a soft moan, as I wrapped my arms around him to pull myself closer. Another deep rumble came from him, couldn't help but to find that such a turn on. What he was doing to me was on another level and I was loving every second of it.

He felt his whole body pause suddenly, and basically stop. I opened my eyes, worried, what was going on? Was he OK? He rolled me on top of him, and I felt him try to calm his breathing, along with the rest of his body. But why?

"I. I don't wanna make you uncomfortable. If I do anything you don't like, it's easier to pull away from me this way" that sent me on a Rollercoaster of emotions. I was so unbelievably touched that he was being so careful with me and so mindful. But at the same time, my heart broke a bit for him.

"Raph" I slithered a hand up to his face, placing it there gently, and rubbed my thumb over his cheek. His eyes, good lord his eyes, he's so breath taking.

"I was loving every second of that. I promise" I hope he could see how serious I was being with just the light his tv gave off alone.  

"Can you do something for me?" My thumb ran circles on his cheek, he leaned into my touch, watching me.

"Anythin" he breathed, I was just soaking in this entire night, its been absolutely incredible.

"Trust yourself as much as I trust you" came my gentle demand.

"Raph, I am yours. I will always be yours for as long as you'll have me. I know with every microscopic particle in me. That you won't make me uncomfortable or repulsed. You're so much more than anyone I've ever met. I finally found someone I can comfortably be with" several men, women, and people have been through my life.

Every last one of them I could kiss, but never go any further with. Even making out repulsed me, touching? Forget about it. But Raph was different so much more, I could do this with him. He gave my heart what it needed and my body could easily follow.

He was silent for a moment, his eyes had so much emotion behind them, several emotion I couldn't decipher. His breathing was picking back up, and before I knew it I was giggling and back on my back.

The turtle almost seemed ravenous now, and I didn't even think it was possible, but even more affectionate and gentle with me. Aside from the eagerness for us to actually do this. Sure enough, not one repulsed bone in my body at the thought. The new sensation was blowing my mind, but in a very good way.

He trailed his hands down my body, I couldn't help but to pleasantly tense up in anticipation and one of his massive hands gently made its way between my legs.

And that's when there was a knock on the door. Raph was ignoring it, but the knock persisted. He seemed very, VERY annoyed at the interruption.

"WHAT" I pursed my lips at such a harsh tone, poor Raph, his frustration was very high. I giggled, putting a hand on the crook of his neck, and ran my hand gently along, he seemed to relax a bit at that. I physically could not keep my hands off of him, my heart was out of control and my body was along for the ride.

"We have a hit on the guy. April is coming over real quick to make a plan. She knows where we can find him" both our eyes widened at that. That would be an insane break through.

I could see how torn Raph looked, and giggled, he was just too cute. I gave him another quick peck, nice and innocent, wasn't trying to get his poor heart thumping again.

"We can do this whenever you want" I assured.

"I think it's safe to say we were both ready for it now... I'm not about to rush this. So we'll wait until we have more time" he was so salty, he gave me a couple more pecks on the lips, and then climbed off of me. He was right, I was very ready for this, I could feel my body deflate in disappointment when he climbed off of me. Missing the close proximity already, but we had work to do.

@mysticboombox @thelaundrybitch @selfless1978 @katecupcakekate    

[heckolve]

hiii omg its been so long since ive sent an ask... ive loved seeing ur ocs and their universe evolve over time and i was wondering if u have any tips on developing stories and characters? i have this story idea in my head and i have the gist of it planned out but like. idk i need MORE u know

aww hi leo <3 hmm honestly my process is not super structured or straightforward lol. ive been working on them for years and years so its not streamlined at all... as far as working from scratch i'm not really sure since i havent made a New story in a longggg time. i'll put the rest under the cut since it got long <3

my best piece of advice might not be that helpful but what has been the most successful for me the past few years is to just let the story develop naturally.... it definitely helps once you've sort of established the general setting & characters & dynamics as well as genre/themes/what main points you want to hit in the story so that you have a defined area to play around in but ive found that after i've set all that up there is always a Next Logical Thought that comes along to develop the story.

with all good things, i wiped that story's slate almost completely clean a few years ago to start fresh and fix it and pretty much my only direction was "i want arrakis to have a more active role in the story" and the rest is history. i immediately was able to find a bunch of loose plot points that i could tie to her and i more closely examined and revised each character's relationship with her and played around with how that impacts them in the story both in their character development and actions. i'm not sure if this is the case with your story yet but for agt i also had a Ton of little things i wanted to happen in the story that needed explaining, like blaire's scars, the breakup, arrakis dying, etc etc. the whole Next Logical Thought process really came in for those points especially where literally all i asked is Why Did It Happen and then using the setting/story points/characters i already had established i was able to fill in those blanks pretty naturally.

why did arrakis die? someone killed her. why did someone kill her? because she knew something she shouldn't have. what did she know? did anyone else know? would anyone else even be able to know? how did knowing effect them? etc etc etc until i not only had one fully fleshed out plot point but suddenly had a way to connect multiple other plot points. anselm's development was the same way. i'd been playing around with a ton of ideas for years and years and had never found anything that worked Just Right and then literally in like the last few months of 2020 i had this one passing thought that ended up being THEE piece the story was missing and set the entire tone and structure of the narrative going forward. i'd definitely played with a Ton of ideas trying to fix the story but it was really just a matter of waiting for my brain to sit on it long enough to be "well obviously this happens" and well obviously yeah that was the right version of the story to tell 🤷‍♀️ its definitely helpful to actively work at a story to figure out exactly what you Want from it and narrow down the directions to go in but all i can really say is that eventually i always just get to a place where a story makes sense to me and theres always a next logical thought to go off of.

as far as character development goes its sort of the same process for me? but its a lot of thinking about like. what would happen if these two characters interacted. how do their worldviews and experiences influence how they interact with other people. what can they offer in a certain dynamic that other characters cant. and then especially in agt i'll sometimes just make a character to fix or fill a certain dynamic that seems lacking, like inez in the eliseyev family. like blaire and belladonna wouldnt necessarily be super close save for the fact that they have traumatic experiences revolving around the same subject that none of the other characters have. it makes them close but not in the same way that friends with similar dispositions and hobbies are; they have the same burden. ave is close with abel in a way he'd never be with most anyone else because abel's empathetic powers don't allow him to repress or hide his true emotions. it also helps to just think about silly things too-- not always huge life changing relationships and events LOL. delphi gets cat hair everywhere. belladonna can play peekaboo with the twins using her wings. memphis steals blaire's clothes 'cause his parents know to keep their closets on lockdown. thinking about how specific character attributes and dynamics makes them act in casual settings and circumstances just always makes them seem more fleshed out... but also i always try to explore dynamics that i may not have considered at first. like in the past arrakis' perception of the dovokov family didn't mean anything and so i never thought to consider it but now theres just SOOO much untapped potential to work with there. i also just tend to decide things at random and without precedent for my character's if it feel's Right 😭 like bell being a mechanic or jude an EMT. or that memphis & inez like winx club. or ila having an ex wife. i think any little specifics details and trivia regardless of how much or little they effect the story also help make characters feel more... human for lack of a better word.

i guess the last thing i'd say is to talk about it with someone else if you're comfortable with that and get the chance. or honestly it doesnt even have to be another person but just to have some way to verbalize or write down what you're thinking about. i don't usually have anyone to talk about my stories with but i can't tell you how helpful its been just Pretending that i do even... i do it all day every day where i'm like. "well what if someone wanted to know about X? what would be the answer?" and sometimes its big picture stuff and other times its just random character trivia but for some reason facilitating development that way helps me think about things i may not have thought about before or work through a tricky plot/character point 🤔

i hope any of that was helpful... like i said my process isn't exactly structured lol. and ive only just recently started moving past set up & big picture narrative development towards the specific start to finish story events which definitely takes a little more active development work over the Next Logical Thought process LOL. a lot of it still is just asking the question and figuring out which answer makes the most sense within the circumstances i've established though 🤷‍♀️

[anniesocsandgeneralstore]

Hey, It’s Really Ro. I promise.

I had a blog on here under the username @romanticgumchewer-deactivated20 . I went by Ro. I wrote fanfics for Mando and Oberyn Martell called Grow Old With You, Reasons Wicked and Divine, and Build a Home With You. I came up with characters named Ara Obagh and Aliana Tyrell (the baddest bitches to ever live). I came up with a ton of Mandalorian culture cause I didn’t feel like looking anything up. Spice fruit, headscarves, marriage traditions, foundling adoption process, and a bunch of other stuff. Yeah. That me. 

Anyway, I’m only hopping on here for a quick minute to clear some stuff up on why I left and give some closure on Build a Home With You. 

So, I deleted my tumblr first because of the toxic environment. The constant pressure to put out content. The fact that if your story isn’t a reader insert or super smutty it isn’t going to get read. I just got fed up after a while and deleted. I went solely to AO3 for a while, but everything just felt wrong. I was bored with what I was writing, I didn’t like anything I was writing, and I just didn’t feel good about any of it (or anything, for that matter, I hit a major depressive episode, y’all.). I didn’t want to disappoint anyone or make people feel like I was ignoring them, so I just deleted my AO3 as well. I still love Ara and Din and the story I didn’t complete, but I just was not feeling it anymore. 

EDIT: Let me make this clear. I never wanted to include smut in anything that I wrote. I’ve struggled with the fact that I may be Asexual for years (the coming out process is hard y’all). But because I was reading what others wrote before I put out any of my own stuff, I felt like I HAD to include smut in order for the things I wrote to be read. And maybe that means I was writing this for the wrong reasons. But I felt that the story I wrote and the character I created was good and DESERVED to be read by people who like the Mandalorian. But it just....over time more and more it became something I was no longer proud of or felt was mine. If that makes sense? 

But then I got an idea. An original story idea in my own world that I created that includes versions of the OCs I made for these stories. Versions of Ara, Aliana, Din, and Oberyn. I’ve never felt this much passion for a story before and it is going really well so far. I’ve always wanted to write for a living, to have something of mine published and in book stores. And I feel like this story could take me there. And if it does get there, if y’all would be kind enough NOT to mention that it was once fanfic that would be great. Please and thank you. 

So now for some closure, shall we? Where I left off Build a Home With You Ara is pregnant, they live on Naboo as farmers, and Cara has just found Moff Gideon hiding out on Denon. 

They go after Gideon, Ara comes long even though she is VERY pregnant. They find him, but before they can get him Ara gives birth on the Razor Crest. To a little girl named Reykha (I actually have the birth scene written out. Let me know if y’all want me to post that or not.) They fly back to Naboo and live a pretty chill life under the radar for several years. It’s not until Reykha is seven that Moff Gideon finally finds them on Naboo, but he discovers that Reykha is stronger in the force than baby yoda (freaking GROGU). So he stages an attack on the farm, Ara and Din are fighting like crazy while Grogu and Reykha are hiding in their house with Rahto. But when the fighting is over, the farm wins OBVIOUSLY, they have everyone in cuffs including Gideon. But when Ara goes to get the kids: Rahto is badly injured, Grogu is in hiding, and Reykha is gone. She storms back out of the house and tells Din Reykha is gone. Gideon overhears and laughs, looks to the sky and they see one Imperial ship flying away. They know exactly what this means. Reykha has been taken by the Empire. So in a fit of pure rage, Ara takes the black saber from Gideon (which she also fought him while he weilded against her #badass) and interrogates him with it. Asking where they took her daughter, but he never gives it away. She ends up cutting his head off with the saber. So for the next….13 or so years, they’re flying literally all over the universe trying to find her (#heartwrenching). They’ve basically given up hope, when they run into Maz again, who tells them of a brown-eyed girl she met named Rey who was strong in the force. They go searching for this Rey. But it’s not until they get recruited by the Resistance to fight against the Final Order, the battle is won, and they’ve landed back on that jungle planet at the end of the Rise of Skywalker that they finally find this Rey. Gosh, I was probably gonna cry while writing this. They step out of the Crest, they see a girl with dark brown hair hugging two men. The girl turns, sensing their presence. Ara and Din are so hesitant, so unsure. They approach the girl who begins to cry but does not know why. “Reykha?” Ara whispers, and reaches out to touch her cheek. When she does, all of Rey’s true memories come back to her, not the ones planted in her brain by Palpatine. “Mama?” Rey whispers just before the women meet in a crushing embrace. I liked to think that Din would remove his helmet in this moment, just so he could see his daughter’s face for the first time in 13 years unfiltered. And that Creed no longer matters to him. She is safe, she is back with them, he is finally free to just be Din without being the Mandalorian. So Rey hugs Din too cause that’s freaking PAPA right there BOY. 

Rey FUCKING DJARIN (Obagh technically but who cares?) Y’ALL

And for an epilogue I was going to have Rey be with….some ambiguous character that was up to interpretation (could be Finn, Poe, Rose, some other person of the reader’s choice). They’re back on the farm on Naboo where Ara and Din have lived a long good life. In the end, Rahto gave them the farm as an inheritance. ANYWAY she’s on the farm with this person and Grogu obviously and…..well they’re spreading Ara’s ashes on Danilah Pond. Din has already passed at this point. They both lived to a ripe old age. And that’s how it ends. Rey with her own family living on the Naboo farm, taking care of Grogu now, training him and Finn as a Jedi, and so on and so forth. 

The end. 

So uh…...I guess if y’all got questions just message me, send me an anon, an ask, whatever. I love you and I miss you all.

@harleyamidala @leo-moon @adikaofmandalore @thethoughtsfromthreeam @bbygrgu @uncomicalhumour (I only tagged the people I used to talk to a lot on here......sorry if I missed anyone it’s been a while.)

[nixfms]

hello    ,    babies       !       my   names        peach       &        this   is   my   baby  nix.   i’m  super   excited   for   this   group   bc   i   love   lil   oc   celeb   things   so   i’m   happy   to   be   here      !       below   you   can   read   a   little   about   nix       &       give   this   a   like     for  me   to   come   bother   you   for   some   plots     !

✫  *ﾟ LUKE HEMMINGS  ,  CIS MALE  ,  HE  /  HIM  :  did  you  hear  phoenix  ‘  nix  ’  orion  is  joining  the  cast  of  exposed  after  him buying off pictures and videos of him under the influence that contradicted his claimed sober life  was  revealed  ?  the  twenty  three  year  old  singer  with  52m  followers  is  trying  to  clear  their  name  after  they've  become  known  as  the  resident  paradox  in  the  mansion  ,  and  it's  clear  that's  spot  on  because  they're  quite  -  secretive  &  -  vindictive  ,  but  also  +   luminescent  &  +  benevolent  .  you  know  they're  heading  to  the  confession  booth  if  you  hear  tattoos  together  by  lauv  blasting  ,  most  likely  talking  about  how  they're  more  than  private  agreements  behind   closed  doors  ,   ducking  away  from  paparazzi  ,  gleaming  blue  eyes  ,  &   perfectly crafted  reputations .

𝙨𝙩𝙖𝙩𝙞𝙨𝙩𝙞𝙘𝙨.

full name  :  phoenix nicolai orion

nicknames  :  nix

age  :  twenty  -  three

birthday  :  august  9th   (   leo   )

occupation  :  singer.

hometown  :  sydney  ,  australia

orientation  :  bisexual  ,  biromatic

𝙖𝙥𝙥𝙚𝙖𝙧𝙖𝙣𝙘𝙚.

height  :  6′4″

hair color  :  blonde

eye color  :  blue

tattoos :  left  sleeve  rose  piece  ( reference  )

piercings  :  previous  snakebites  ,  removed

𝙗𝙖𝙘𝙠𝙜𝙧𝙤𝙪𝙣𝙙.  triggers  include  :  death  /  car  accident  ,  drug  / alcohol  use  ,  divorce  ,  abandonment.

phoenix orion or nix is typically known by just that - nix. doesn’t mind nicknames but usually just goes by nix.

hails from sydney  ,  australia.  born to a small family that didn’t have a lot.  dad worked during the day and mom worked at night so nix never really saw much of either of them until the weekend.  spent most of his time with his older sister. she was 100% his best friend.  was a relatively well behaved child.  got along with most people. didn’t get into too much trouble  ,  though there were a few detentions here and there.

trigger   ///   high school is when things got a little rough for him.  his parents were going through a hard time  &  when he was a freshman  ,  they filed for divorce.  he leaned a lot on his older sister who had just started college.  his family wasn’t exactly the closest knit system  ,  but as he began to go between mom  &  dads house it got a little difficult for him.  

trigger heavy   ///   when he felt like he finally had a good system  ,  he got a phone call one night that his sister had been in a car accident  &  within the next 24 hours she had passed away. sixteen year old nix had his word rocked because his sister was his biggest support system.  he had a super hard time coping. 

within the next two years  ,  he threw himself into music.  had already been utilizing social media to get his name out a little bit but hadn’t put a big focus on it.  his sister had taught him guitar  ,  keyboard  ,  and they would always sing together  &  diving into music made him feel closer to her again.  together  ,  the band decided that they actually wanted to try to do this professionally.  started off making little youtube videos on their own  &  eventually decided that they needed to make a big decision if they were going to get big.

taking a big risk  ,  nix released a single and moved out to la and exploded with fame.  got picked up by a company  &  immediately fell into a certain image. portrayed as very innocent  &  kind since he was 18.  immediately clung to the idea of being clean  & pure.  however as he got older  &  more  &  more famous  ,  temptations became harder to avoid.  so he balanced a party lifestyle privately while upholding his good boy imagine privately.  continued to tell fans he would never touch drugs or alcohol but continued to go out  &  get fucked up  &  avoid the cameras.

management has had to buy off tons of images on his leaving a club or party drunk or high or both. struggles a lot with losing his sister  &  turns to things that he shouldn’t to enjoy himself. however  ,  got caught up in the lie he was telling  &  didn’t have a choice at some point.

fast forward to the exposed and out comes all the pictures he bought off  ,  showing off relationships he shouldn’t have had  ,  &  states of being clearly under the influence.

so he’s current stuck in the place of not knowing what to do to get his fans to forgive him : actually get clean , or start being him.

𝙥𝙚𝙧𝙨𝙤𝙣𝙖𝙡𝙞𝙩𝙮. triggers include  :  none.

he’s definitely not a bad guy  !  struggles with some things but is generally nice. is portrayed as a super sugary sweet innocent boy and isn’t exactly that  ,  but he’s not rude or mean or anything like that. just definitely not as innocent as the media says he is. 

publicly surrounds himself with people that’ll make his image look good and privately spends time with people who wouldn’t. 

has a pretty decent sense of humor and loves anyone he can laugh with. isn’t exactly the class clown of the group  ,  but will always slip in a little joke here or there if it comes to his head.

a cuddly boy  !  as soon as you call nix your friend  ,  you’ll have this entire 6′4 body sprawled over top of you and he will just sleep there.  loves body contact and feels more comfortable sleeping next to someone than he does alone.

is basically one big paradox.  some people in the industry catch on to the fact that his media portrayal isn’t really him  ,  but he keeps the act going around most people so it’s hard to tell what’s real and what’s not real. 

definitely sleeps around a bit  ,  but keeps it on the absolute down low.  i’m nearly positive the media thinks he’s still a virgin  (  despite saucy lil songs )  and he just lets them.

loves posting on social media and interacts with his fans a lot.  preaches about what his management thinks that he should  ,  which is what got him into this whole mess to begin with. 

𝙚𝙭𝙩𝙧𝙖.

wanted connections.

pinterest.

you can ask me for my discord if you’d rather plot there !

[onlyfansdotcomslashshawnmendes]

Birthday Boy

I got a ton of lovely suggestions for what to do for Shawn smut, and I’ll probably do all of them honestly, but I had to tackle this one first since we just passed Shawn’s birthday and we’re still in leo season. So here it is: // Prompt base; It’s Shawn’s 21st birthday party and he gets so worked up over his girlfriend he has to drag her off somewhere to have her now // NSFW // Word count: 3466 // OC borrowed from the lovely @celinetheseeliequeen // Desperate Shawn, Needy Shawn, Daddy Kink, Some lovely Shawn reactions to touches / Drunk happy boy / pls excuse any typos, thank u

It was late, and it was loud, and it was some early 2010’s hip hop music that admittedly…Shawn was too white for. Everyone on the roof was dancing, bouncing, and drinking. Half of them tried to talk and the other half of them tried to scream along the lyrics to the song. It wasn’t that it was packed exactly but there were enough people there that Shawn’s girlfriend Céline found herself losing him in the chaos a few times. How do you lose someone that tall? Who knows. After a few more minutes of looking though, she found him, hanging on one of his friends, who was just as drunk as he was. But as soon as he saw her, Shawn gasped, of course the music was too loud for her to hear it, but she saw it. With both hands in Céline’s he pulled her closer and kissed her hard, his hands running down her back. It was an intense kiss for the moment, and she could feel the electric sparks from his fingertips run up her spine as his hands snaked lower over her bottom and giving her ass one firm squeeze before he broke that kiss; it left her blushing. “Hi Shawn,” she said laughing, resting a hand on his chest. Shawn was still jumping in time to the beat of the song, shaking his head a bit like to get his curls out of his face before grabbing her shoulders, “I LOVE THIS SONG,” he yelled just so that she could hear him. Céline did her best not to roll her eyes, leaning up on her tiptoes and speaking just a little louder than normal, “I think Cascada was more your vibe than ‘Sexy Bitch’ but I’m sure Akon would be flattered,” she said giving him a grin. “What?” Shawn still half yelled, but not that he didn’t hear her, he didn’t get it. With an eye roll she shook her head, pushing him back with one hand to his chest, and turning around then so her back was to Shawn. In one swift movement, Céline stepped back, pressing her ass against his hips. One arm moved behind her, wrapping around his neck, and the other shifted lower so she could rest her palm on his thigh. She could /feel/ Shawn’s breathing hitch as she moved back against him, grinding into his hips as she let her head fall back on his shoulder. After a moment of that, she opened her eyes, looking up at Shawn’s wide eyes looking down at her. “Touch me,” her voice was soft, but she knew he could read her lips. Clearly she was right, because moments later, his hands found her waist, and despite the fact that he absolutely couldn’t dance Shawn did shift with her some. He didn’t have to move that much, Céline did it for him, shimmying and sliding her hips down him and running her hands over his body, like they were the only two on that roof. It didn’t take long before firm palms moved over her body, up her hip just centimeters below her breasts, like Shawn barely thought better of grabbing them right now. Slowly his hands moved down though following the V shape of her hips and Céline had to giggle and pull forward to keep them from traveling too low. “Shawn!” she scolded, stepping back toward him, both hands on his chest as his hands fell on her hips. “What do you think you’re doing?” her tone was playful still, laughing softly even as he pulled their hips tight together. “You feel that?” his voice wasn’t loud anymore, in fact barely above a whisper. But Shawn spoke low and husky, his face buried into her hair as he just let her lead in grinding up against him to the music. Céline blushed now, not deep, just barely. She did feel it, the stiffness in his jeans pressing against her hip now. “I think you’ve had too much to drink Shawn,” she said lifting her head, speaking against his jaw. Shawn laughed now, a low worked up husky kind of laugh as his hands moved down her back. Once more they slipped over her ass and gave her a squeeze, but he didn’t let go now, instead leaving his palms there. “Oh I absolutely have, I’m drunk, but you’re so fucking hot,” he said in the same kind of tone against her jaw. “Shawn,” she whispered, she was laughing but it was slightly nervous, her fingers moving up to the back of his hair as her nails scratched at his hairline. “Baby, were at your party…” she cooed. “We are,” Shawn whispered back, his nose in her hair now, “You know, you made me a lot of promises about all the stuff we’d do for my birthday…” he purred, his hips shifting up against hers. Céline almost gasped a moan at that before she felt someone brush against her arm, just dancing as her and Shawn currently passed for doing, but it was enough it snapped her back into reality. “Back at the hotel Shawn,” she said still smiling using the hand on his chest to push him back gently, “But eat some snacks so you don’t throw up on me,” she teased. But as she tried to pull back, Shawn just took her hands instead, pulling her through the crowd, and he just looked behind him, making sure he wouldn’t walk somewhere wrong. Within a few minutes of navigating though he tugged her behind the side of the little stairwell entrance. Céline almost laughed as her back hit the stone wall behind her, “Shawn,” she said with a laugh, resting her hand on his chest as he leaned in to kiss her neck. “This is cute it really is,” she cooed, “Bu-” it was at that point Shawn interrupted her. “Céline I’m not playing around,” he whispered, his voice was lower still husky and hungry but there was an edge of desperation. “I can’t wait till later, I need you now, right now…” he pleaded, taking one of her hands and pushing her palm against the crotch of his jeans. “Please,” he said, giving a shaky inhale at just the pressure of her hand, “I’ll do anything,” he breathed, nuzzling his lips and nose against her jaw now, “Anything you want. Just touch me now. You don’t even have to a lot, just…put your hand down my jeans or something, please…I need it so bad, I’m begging you,” his cheeks were flushed pink and Céline couldn’t really tell if it was from the alcohol or the fact that he was begging her for this. “Shawn, there’s like a hundred people up here, and you’re…so drunk,” she said in a soothing tone, “We can order an uber,” she said nodding. But Shawn looked at her with a pleading expression, “Are you going to fuck me in the uber?” It was so blunt that Céline gasped when he asked that, “Please, baby fuck, come on, I promise, I’ll be quiet, I won’t make a sound. I’ll make you cum SO hard, I’ll do whatever you want...” he said almost panting just as he watched her. The way he was looking at her, Céline could feel her heart racing, there was true desperation in his eyes, like she’d only seen a few other times before. She wasn’t nearly drunk enough to think this was a /good/ idea. But she also wasn’t sober enough to think it was the worst one he’d ever given her. She sighed, looking to the side, about to open her mouth to say yes, but before she could speak Shawn did again. “I…won’t be mad if you say no,” he said in a quiet voice, “I’m sorry, I’m…being kind of creepy,” he said  still softly, almost blushing as he averted his eyes, taking a step back like maybe he felt like that might change it. “I’ll drop it if you want.” That in itself was enough to melt her, and had she not already been planning on saying yes that would have probably made her do it. “Oh Shawn,” she said sighing some with a laugh, “Come on, let’s…slip in here,” she said taking his hand and looking around to make sure that no one was watching. “Are you sure?” he asked, “I didn’t pressure you too much?” Shawn confirmed as Céline pulled him along by his hand. “Don’t make me regret it Shawn,” she teased, looking back at him as she tugged him into the stairwell. Once they were in it though she looked down and peaked down to the building below the roof, making sure that area was clear before twisting the lock on the door to the roof. “You better make it quick for now birthday boy,” she said in a stern voice. “We’re going to fuck on the stairs, and not break any bones?” he asked with a laugh, but Céline gave a playful shrug, “Or I can blow you,” she said pushing him so he stood with both feet on separate stairs, his back to the rail. “Hold the railing,” she said, letting Shawn do so as she began undoing his belt and jeans, her hands slipping inside to take out his cock. “Oh my, you are so hard,” she whispered. But as soon as those soft fingers stroked him, Shawn whined under his breath, “I told you.” He said in a whisper. Céline giggled at him now though, slowly slipping down to her knees, and one of her hands stroked his cock slowly as the other slipped under her dress and down the front of her panties, working circles over her clit as she watched her boyfriend unfold in front of her. Shawn was so desperate, every touch from her made his hips jerk ever so slightly, his head falling back against the wall as his eyes fluttered shut. Curses spilled from his lips under his breath, that not making a sound thing clearly having gone out the window. Céline leaned in now though, pushing open lipped plush kisses against the length of his cock before dragging her tongue along his soft skin. Shawn only got more desperate at that, his breathing hitching at the feeling of her tongue. As she pulled back, her hand stroking his cock still in a fast worked up way, she felt him throb against her fingers. About that time precum dripped from the tip of his cock, pooling into a bead before a long string dripped and fell to the floor between her knees. “Oh Shawn,” Céline half moaned, her own voice a soft whine as she leaned in and licked over the tip of his cock, “You’re so needy…what a desperate boy,” she cooed. Shawn opened his mouth to speak but never quite made it. Her mouth on his cock effectively ended that and he lifted one hand from the rail to cover his mouth and stifle his moan. The warm wetness, the softness of her tongue against that stiff skin sent warm waves of pleasure through his body, his skin prickling, or maybe that was the alcohol. The stairwell was filled with Shawn’s stifled moans and the soft sucking sounds of Céline eagerly bobbing her head, sucking him hard. About the time she felt his cock throbbing inside of her mouth though, she pulled back, just kissing at the underside of his cock while looking up at him. “Do you want to cum in my mouth daddy or do you want to fuck me?” she whispered, using her hand to tap his cock against her tongue then. Shawn however inhaled so deeply, his eyes finally half opening to look down at her, “Whichever baby, it just feels so fucking good, you’re such a good girl, this is amazing…” he panted. Despite giving a sly smile Céline just giggled, “But you’re the birthday boy daddy, so do you want to cum in my mouth or do you want to fuck me?” she cooed, her own voice breathy as her fingers inside of her panties still worked her clit. Now that her mouth wasn’t on him, Shawn seemed to gather himself enough to actually speak. He inhaled deeply and swallowed hard before looking down at her, “I want to fuck you, if we can, if you’re okay with it…God I want you so bad, I mean I’m not going to last but…I want you,” he said with a little laugh as he watched her. “Oh Shawn you’ll be fine,” she said in sort of flirtatious way, standing up then. Céline was shimmying out of her panties, and tucking them in Shawn’s back pocket of his jeans, giggling as she did. But she moved beside him on the stairs, holding the rail, and arching so that she was kind of leaned on her leg on the highest step. “Come here handsome,” she purred, reaching to put a hand on his hip, pulling him behind her, “Don’t fall though,” she said with another giggle. “I think I’m good,” Shawn said in a slightly more sober voice now, laughing a little himself as he stepped up behind her. One of his hands was on the rail still to steady the both of them, and one was pushing her skirt up. “God you were playing with your pussy weren’t you,” he said taking a hold of his cock and dragging the tip up and down along her slit causing her to gasp. “I was daddy, didn’t you see it?” she cooed, “Please put it in, don’t make me wait,” With a smile on his lips, Shawn gave a soft ‘yes ma’am’ and pushed up into her, resting his hand on her hip once he had. Once he pushed into her Céline felt shivers run up her body from the pleasure. Despite the intense sudden stretching feeling, she didn’t feel any pain, just waves of heat pooling in her stomach. “Oh fuck Shawn,” she whispered, one hand moving back and touching at him as he began to thrust into her. “You feel so fucking good,” he whispered, “Thank you for letting me fuck you,” he panted against her jaw, “You’re spoiling me so much tonight,” His voice was almost a pant, his eyes fluttering some as he nuzzled against her neck and her jaw. Céline couldn’t help but almost giggle, biting her lip hard to stifle her own moans, “Oh Shawn,” she said in a quiet voice, still almost laughing but in a worked up way, “You have no idea how hard it is to say no to you,” As she spoke, Shawn smiled, leaning forward a little and burying his face into her neck and shoulder. She could feel him humming and moaning into her skin, trying to keep himself from getting too loud. Under any other circumstance she would have told him to be louder, but the echo of the stairwell and the roof of people above them kept her from doing so. “It’s so fucking hard not to cum in you already,” Shawn panted just below her jaw then, kissing up her skin and nuzzling his nose into her temple. Céline hummed as she felt his breath against her skin and those kisses, hot prickles of lust moving through her body at his touch. “Don’t worry about when you cum baby boy, it’s your birthday, all that matters is you get to get that big cock off hm?” she cooed, almost in a soothing kind of voice. When she said that, Shawn hummed against her temple, giving a low moan, “That’s really really hot, but it would be hotter to make you cum on my cock first…” he said in a pant, just nuzzling his face into her hair and her neck. With that Céline gave a soft little tsk noise, smiling as she let go of his hip, reaching it down between her thighs to massage her clit. It was worked up quick little circles that with the combination of Shawn inside of her sent jolts of electric pleasure up through her body. “You want me to cum daddy? Is that what you want? Me to soak that big fucking cock?” she panted, leaning her head to the side so she could whisper it right next to his face. But Shawn was answering her with a muffled whining sort of ‘mhm’ nodding eagerly as he seemed to struggle holding back his moans now. “Please,” he gasped, “I wanna make you cum so bad, you’re such a good girl, I want to feel you cum,” For a moment Céline just focused on all of the parts of the moment that worked her up. The way Shawn’s body felt pressed tight against hers. His breathing and his moans against her neck, the way his lips brushed her skin as he nuzzled there. The messy starving thrusts as he did his best to push as deep into her as he could each time. Each stroke dragging the tip of his cock over that sweet spot deep inside of her. The way that his cock throbbed inside of her, clearly aching for release. The way her fingers worked her clit, a combination of all of it left her breathless. Her mouth fell open in pleasure the tight heat in her stomach pulling tighter before building and unraveling, like a coil snapping open. Her hand that was holding the railing instantly shot up and covered her mouth just to suppress a loud almost scream, just from the surprise of the sudden feeling. The only thing that kept her standing was really Shawn’s hands on her waist. As Shawn felt her cumming though, tightening against his cock with that tight heat clenching over and over; moments later he as spilling into her. His cock throbbing inside of her as she soaked him, squirting against his jeans and down her own thighs, soaking the both of them. But Shawn bit into her neck, right by the back of her neck, just humming against her skin as his breathing became more ragged. For a few moments the two of them just gently pushed back against each other, doing their best to keep from getting too loud. But Shawn leaned forward, resting one hand on Céline’s cheek before pulling it back and kissing her in such a starving way. She hummed softly into that kiss, smiling as she returned it and slowly pulling back from him after a moment, “We should at least fix ourselves before someone finds us..” she whispered, but Shawn nodded with a laugh, “Yeah,” he panted. Slowly the both of them pulled apart, and Céline fixed her skirt. “That was amazing,” Shawn panted after a moment, and when she tuned to look at him, she saw him beaming. “It was amazing Shawn, Happy Birthday baby boy,”  After a moment of biting his lip, Shawn looked at her with a blush, “I love you, like…so much, you make everything amazing, especially tonight,” he said nodding. It was Céline’s turn to beam now and she almost blushed as well looking up at him, “I love you too Shawn, you’re like the sweetest boy in the whole world, you deserved it,” she cooed before leaning up on her tiptoes to kiss him. But Shawn would have smiled wider, kissing her back a few times as he pulled his shirt back down and smoothed it, before giving a gasp and ‘oh no’ as he looked over his jeans. “Oh, fuck, I’m soaked, are you soaked, what are we going to do about that?” he asked with a frown. “Relax,” Céline said with a smile, leaning down and smoothing out his jeans some, “We can tell people you spilled a drink down yourself, it would happen you’re clumsy, and you’re drunk, its more believable,” she said laughing and taking his hand as she pulled him along, “Come on baby boy, lets get you back to your big party…” she cooed as she unlocked the door to the roof and walked up back into he party. For a minute she held onto his hand until someone yelled at him, instantly pulling him over for another round of shots. But as Shawn walked off, Celine caught a glimpse of a pink lacy strip hanging out of the back of Shawn’s pocket, her rather skimpy panties. “Oh shit,” she whispered under her breath, leaning forward to tug them back but missing by only a couple inches as he ran off with his friends. She couldn’t help but laugh though, just shaking her head as she watched Shawn bounce back in with the boys, already back at screaming and drinking, “Oh well, it is his birthday,” she said to herself, just walking to grab a glass of champagne herself, shifting ever so slightly at the moisture between her thighs, smiling with the knowledge of where it came from.

[straane]

Motherworld (Ch. 1/?)

Title: Motherworld

Author: strane-stelle

Fandom: Final Fantasy X

Central characters: Tidus

Rating: 12+

Chapters: 1/?  Chapter 2  Chapter 3 Chapter 4

Word count: 2636

Summary: “The fayth said it’s pointless to keep dreaming. The dream will disappear, he said. What did he mean?” After a long journey, Tidus finally gets to go home.

Warnings: Nothing too horrible content-wise (yet), apart from a ton of OCs (as required by the premise!)

Other comments: credit goes to @shuyiin​ for the idea. (that IS you, right?? with the @leviathkand RP blog?? pls tell me I’m not mistaken lol)  

Chapter 1 - The Storm

”I love you.”

The words felt surreal, dreamlike; belonging to another time, another place. It was as though he could have imagined them, fantasized them; almost like he barely heard them. It was as though they were addressed to someone else; as though this was not really happening to him. Because the truth was, the words were real. She was real. Everything around him was real. He was the dream.

Tidus gazed down at his arms once more. There was a vague, glossy greenness, and a lot more airship deck where his muscles used to be. No wonder he couldn't hear a thing. Were his ears even there anymore?

”I love you.”

Then it hit him again; with full force, like thunder. Tidus swung around. He saw Yuna's figure. She had gotten up.

”I love you.”

He loved her too. And he had heard her loud and clear. He could see her with a striking precision; like he had never seen a living thing before. He was still here, he belonged here. He belonged with her. He had better go to her.  

His thoughts, his motions, his entire existence; it all seemed to just melt into a last, wordless goodbye. He lifted his pellucid arms and he embraced her around the shoulders; from behind, unable to bear looking at her. She didn’t turn around – and it was doubtful she could feel it. Time stood still, finally, after a lifetime of slipping away. It was the most perfect and the most unforgiving moment.

Even as he let go of her, he was still there. Even as he heard his steps – or imagined them clopping down on the deck – he felt the touch of her skin. He pictured every inch of her frame; walked up to her once again, caught the scent of her hair; imagined saying all the things he had wanted to say.    

He wanted to recall her face, but he couldn't – it was too late. He was flying. Nothing was real anymore. He thought he saw Jecht, extending a hand to his son.

”Way to ruin the moment, old man. Knew I could count on you.”

- - -

Greenish colors. A ceiling fan. A dishwasher. A trace of that obstinate smell, neither too pleasant nor too pungent. An ever so subtle rocking motion. That mildly annoying radio show that he listened to on weekends, if only because he was too lazy to turn the darn thing off.  

”Ha ha, very funny. You promised me an ocean. This is a boat.”

”Is something wrong?”

”Well, yeah! It's also my house. You already took me here, remember? When you told me I wasn't real and stuff, you remember that? 'Cause I do.”

”We remember.”

”Well, can you get on with the whole disappearing thing? Think I've had enough of dreaming.”

”You have? Well then! You better wake up, star player.”

And wake up he did, with a start. Eyes popping open, he jumped to his elbows, and they immediately failed him.

”Whoa! Hey, easy, easy! Is this really happening? Wow, welcome back, I guess!”

Tidus stared wide-eyed at the speaker, hovering over him. The man had a kind expression, but the ”star player”, as he had been addressed, had immediate trouble accepting that he was neither Auron nor Jecht. Nor the fayth.

”What are you doing at my house? What is this?” He remained lying on his back, not feeling up to another attempt at sitting up, but reluctantly so. He was suddenly hyper-aware of how the pillowcase felt against his neck. Nothing made sense, but Tidus's emergency reflexes were still there, in fact minutes ahead of him. And they demanded answers.

The middle-aged man held up his hands, nodded understandingly, and seemed to deliberately mold his expression for a calm, patient explanation.

”It's okay. You're safe. My name is Dr. Cidron. You're home, this is your house, just like you said. You were missing for some time, but you're back home now.” He gave laugh that was both light-hearted and carefully contemplated. ”Your fans are going to be so relieved.”

Tidus gaped at him, dumbfounded. He had understood every word, yet it had all flown over his head. His brain was only slowly growing accustomed to this new face, which was roundish; with a thick, brown skin; attached to a tragically balding head with dark tufts of hair in all the wrong places.  He was stocky in build and indeed wore a doctor's coat.

The good doctor gave a long pause, so as to make room for his patient to panic some more, seemingly. But as nothing came, he gave a laugh again, glancing sideways.

”You don't remember me, do you? About twelve years ago, was it? You had sprained your ankle at blitzball practice. And broken a toe, yes, now I remember. Your father grudgingly took you to the doctor. That doctor was me. I was quite star-struck, of course, I could've been more attentive to you. I'm sorry.”

”My father…” Tidus mused blankly, before he heard the front door open, putting him right back on guard. A very young and very blonde nurse scuttled in, carrying what looked like a bag of groceries, and another, smaller bag of medical supplies. She just about dropped them from her white-gloved hands onto the kitchen table, and darted over to them.

”You're awake!” she screamed.

Dr. Cidron made a subtle gesture at his colleague, and she nodded in mild embarrassment. As she sat down, Tidus noticed she started fidgeting with her necklace, which he could tell; even with her two fingers around it; was official Abes merchandise. For a fleeting moment, he felt grounded again. He really was back.

At both of their reactions, Dr. Cidron momentarily seemed to change his mind about his patient's mental and bodily health.

”Yes, that's right… I'm sorry, perhaps we should slow down. Do you know who you are, what your name is? This is Evy, by the way.”  

Now with two strangers in his house, medical professionals or not; Tidus gathered what remained of his strength to sit up. Suddenly, there was a fair amount.

Tidus waved off the pair's protests at him ”straining himself”, and decided he wanted more answers. Or rather, needed them – did he exactly want to know?

”Okay, uh… I know who I am, and um,” he couldn't help a dejected chuckle, ”what team I play for, and…. who my father is…. yeah...” He had to take a pause. He remembered all too well. ”So, yeah, no need for a recap there!” He realized he was wearing a set of light blue pyjamas that smelled like hospital. He gripped the soft collar and gazed down. ”But like… what happened to me? Why am I here?” 

Tidus wished the fayth had been there to answer him. Because he was not asking why he was recovering at home from some presumed accident, with the appropriate medical staff taking care of him. He was asking why he was back in Zanarkand – his Zanarkand. Dream Zanarkand.

He was asking if these two citizens – who already manifested so much personality, and so much history – if they did not know that they, too, were…

”'It's not that you're dreaming... You are a dream.'”

”Well, it all began when… I'm sorry?”

”No, please continue. It all began when…”

- - -

A variety of colors. Two big lanterns hanging from the ceiling. Ceramics everywhere. Something delicious cooking on the stove. A sense of cautious comfort. The regretful words from Wakka, ”Sorry, man. No time for lunch yet.”

Tidus was not dreaming. He did not remotely think any of these things were there. Yet they felt more real, more painfully tangible, than what was actually happening at this very moment. Namely, a press conference at the stadium hall. Or at least, at a stadium hall, seeing as the building had faced a lot of reconstruction since he had last roamed its corridors. Gone were the brown marble walls, the matching pillars, the Jecht memorial exhibition on the northern wall, and quite simply the windows. In were what looked like a set of cardboard flaps (and felt like, judging by the chilly indoor air), makeshift pillars, construction workers salvaging and probably stealing what remained of his father's award collection, and… ventilation outlets.

In was also a massive, anxious crowd of reporters. Of course, Tidus had been surrounded by crowds of reporters before. But never before, it seemed, had there been such a general fervency, such a sense of insatiability, such a stir. Except, naturally, ten years ago, when Jecht had vanished. Now he, the son, had pulled the same stunt, only he had done it better. For once, he had bested his old man at something. He had come back.

With the cameras flashing, the mics pointed towards their single target, and several live broadcast screens in that very room alone, the story very much seemed to be writing itself before the hero himself had said a word. And say a word out of place he would not, if the people sitting next to him at the table could help it.  

Sports agents and bodyguards were largely nominal positions on the Zanarkand blitzball scene. Almost all of the top players had one of each, and both were paid a decent salary, but most of the time they would work with mundane, impersonal aspects such as paperwork and transportation logistics, and were only called to their particular duties for special occasions… or extraordinary circumstances.

His agent's was among the first familiar faces Tidus had seen since his return. It was quite unnerving a face. Leo was a former blitzball player of medium fame, from between the times of Jecht's passing and Tidus's big break. In the manner of a true grumpy washout at the worldly age of 33, Leo was mostly remembered for his perpetual scowl – accomplished by the very narrow eyes and bushy, slanted eyebrows – rather than any sort of remarkable athletic prowess. Tidus had always thought him observant, but since their first handshake two weeks before, he had gotten an almost ominous feeling from the man. That he knew. That he just could tell. Exactly what he could tell, Tidus wasn't sure, but the agent most certainly had a hunch, and was doing a poor job of hiding it. There was no escaping that piercing stare.

To Tidus's left side, on the other hand, sat quite the opposite case, for better or worse. Bern was a laid-back, nonchalant presence, as seemingly idle as he was bulky. The very opposite of ”dumb muscle”, he appeared intelligent in a book-smart sort of way, and seemed to have actually quite enjoyed his work as, effectively, an accountant. On paper, however, he was still Tidus's bodyguard, and obviously in top physical form, and both obedient and competent enough to fit into the picture. So far, he was the only one of the ”I never bought into your disappearance anyway” camp that Tidus actually believed, even if he still wasn't sure about the meaning of this particular conspiracy theory. Bern, he classified as a different sort of unnerving.

Dr. Cidron was also there, two seats apart. He was smiling and giving his patient a thumbs-up or drumming a fist to his chest at regular intervals. Tidus smiled right back, even if it was mostly giving him nausea. Evy was also around, somewhere in the audience, by merit of her nurse's work and a honorary press card. In any case, she was probably stationed at a safe distance from her idol – in fact, Tidus was finding her unexpectedly difficult to spot.  

The chatter across the hall was rising to deafening levels. Finally, someone announced that Tidus of the Zanarkand Abes would be taking questions now, which Leo first denied, then resentfully confirmed. The room exploded.

Here and there, Tidus caught a question from the noise ocean.

”Tidus, will you be back in the pool soon? Have you been practicing hard?”

With the Aurochs, I guess. I wonder how they’re holding up without Wakka.

“What’s the last thing you remember about the storm? What kind of injuries did you suffer?”

The storm? Ohhh… they mean Sin.

“Your legal guardian, Auron, is still missing. How do you respond to the rumor that he abducted you?”

“Oh, you have no idea.”

“Silence!” Leo spat into his microphone, startling his protégé as well. “One at a time, please. The fair young lady in the front row.”

It was Evy the nurse. Right there all along…

She drew a sharp breath, not having expected to go first, and in absolute panic just managed to splutter, “Oh, um… first of all… thank you… for being back… it’s an honor… I mean… I was… like, I got to take care of… um, they found you at the sea, which is also, incidentally, um… also where you father disappeared, so I was thinking… since blitzball players can breathe underwater… do you think…” 

Tidus was catching on, and he even knew the answer, but Leo rolled his eyes, “Okay, thank you. Right there in the middle, yes, the gentleman with the yellow scarf. You write for Blitzwatch, correct? Thank heavens for that.”  

“Right, so,” the fashionable reporter began, as the stuttering nurse seemed to shrink away behind him, “Tidus, how are you feeling after such a traumatic experience? It’s only been, what – two, three weeks.”

Tidus nodded cautiously, tapping his microphone before answering. The volume was set ridiculously loud, but so far no one had complained about hearing his every breath and cough.

“Yeah… I’m fine. I’m good. I’m… glad to be back.” Tidus hesitated for a moment, and while the audience cheered and some already spouted follow-up questions, he decided he might as well be honest. “I guess it feels strange. Very… strange. It… it really was quite an experience, and it feels almost… surreal to be back.”

Another round of cheers followed, booming and boisterous. Tidus wasn’t sure what exactly they were making of his answer, but evidently they loved it to bits. All except Leo, who was drilling a hole into him with his laser stare.  

“Lady with the pink hair. No, not you – her.”

“Tidus,” the taller pink-haired woman spoke, “in the official first announcement two weeks ago you said that you didn’t remember anything. I think you must remember something, maybe about the storm, almost drowning, how you survived? What you got up to all those months?”

“We are sticking to that first announcement,” Leo immediately declared. Tidus gaped at him. “He remembers the storm, then nothing. We think he was in a coma. That he survived at all is a miracle, and we ought to…”

“Well, exactly, it’s a miracle! If he was in a coma, how would he…”

“Next question. The lady standing next to the…”

“No, wait!” Tidus yelped.

Leo gave him an unspoken first warning, which Tidus ignored. “Uh, I mean, sure, there’s some holes in my memory, probably because of…” He suddenly felt like making a joke, and flashed a charming smile as he did, “Y’know, because of Sin’s toxin.”  

There was a short silence, the first of its kind. Some people gave a wary laugh, others exchanged knowing whispers. Alcohol-related questions started popping up. Leo shook his head at the young blitzer. Dr. Cidron shook his head at the questions, several of which were now addressed to him. Bern displayed a renewed interest in his client. What in the world was he trying to say?

Tidus closed his eyes, his hands clenching into fists.

The crystalline ocean. The sapphire sky. A whiff of incense. Prayers echoing. The floor dropping under his feet. And then… her.  

“Okay. Alright. I can’t keep this up, I can’t do this. You guys wanna hear my story? Well I’ll tell ya.”    

[3one3]

The Sequel - 786

Rope Burn

André Schürrle, Juan Mata, other Chelsea players, and random awesome OC’s

(okay they’re less random now but they’re still pretty awesome)

original epic tale

all chapters of The Sequel

“How about Monday, then? Shopping and afternoon tea? Maybe at the Mandarin? No boys?” Christina suggested to Natasha while she gave Leo a little break from the exercise he was working on with Wizzy. The two moms were comparing schedules. Christina couldn’t do Saturday evening cocktails because she had to go to Germany to check on the barn, and Natasha couldn’t do Sunday brunch because Eden was playing in the afternoon and the boys all wanted to go to the Bridge.

“That could work,” the stay at home mom nodded, her phone in-hand with her diary. “I just have to be home for the kids’ dinner.”

“I’m picking you up at 2. Write it down!”

“Yay! Can we go to stores where we really don’t like the customers so we have more people to judge for what they take into the fitting rooms?” she asked almost pleadingly. The two girls were desperate for girl-time. Neither of them mentioned it, but they both knew there was a near but undefined deadline looming ahead too. Soon Christina would live elsewhere and their best friend playdates would be even fewer and further between, and require even more planning. Not only would they miss out on those shopping days, and cocktails, and taking their kids places together- they were also going to miss out on just seeing each other regularly at the barn. They’d already lost the see-each-other at Chelsea games time too. Firming up an appointment with the builder and the head of design to walk through her new riding facilities reinvigorated the sense of ending Christina had been trying to ignore for a little while.

“Yes, duh. Leo! Let’s do the outside line to the diagonal again one more time. Sit up nice and tall and count your 6, and then remember to ride straight into the corner and support with your left leg to get the lead change. Don’t let him slow down before he gets there or he can’t swap, okay?”

The forecasted snow never arrived that morning. The trainer was sitting atop the fence in front of the gazebo next to the outside ring so that she could chat with her friend during the lesson, instead of roaming around in the middle to have a better view of her student and be closer to him to help with advice and instructions when needed. Leo’s lessons were boring. He was at an age and a phase in his learning that just required a lot of practice. He needed saddle time more than anything. They couldn’t work on new things in every lesson, and he didn’t have a ton of things in his locker to work on improving, so his 30-45 minute sessions were repetitive. Sometimes he rode with his brother and they could make games out of their learning, and that was more fun from a teaching perspective. Solo lessons, not so much. Christina had to summon all of her dedication to make sure that she sounded enthusiastic while teaching, and not bored. Staying up late, working out, riding all of her horses before the blogger came for her interview, and having to take a bunch of jumps apart to make them Leo-sized sapped her will to stand in the middle and give the child her full attention and absolute best. She was phoning it in from the fence. Natasha didn’t mind that her son was being underserved.

“Where is your other one? He should be out here by now,” one mumbled to the other as Leo rallied his pony to get more canter for his outside line of 18” crossrails. “Lift your hands with your shoulders!”

“I don’t know. Maybe Cornflakes is uncooperative. Ugh sit up. Why does he still do this?” the Belgian girl groaned about her son, who had trouble righting his posture in the saddle after each little jump. He closed his hip angle in the two-point for the obstacle and then took too long to sit tall again, so his pony was heavy on the forehand for a couple of steps. Wizzy could deal with that. He could take care of himself and his rider too. It was an optics problem, and a form-for-the-future problem.

“He’ll get it. He knows what he has to do,” the coach reminded gently, with more understanding. “I don’t even tell him anymore because there’s no point. He has to get the muscle memory, and the strength. That’s why we do the same shit every day,” she added with a combo exhale/sigh. “Keep squeezing. Keep going,” she advised the small rider when he landed after the second jump a couple of yards to the girls’ right. Her eyes stayed on the pair heading for the corner. His mom’s noticed the group coming down the little hill from the barn just beyond that corner.

“There he is,” she said about Yannis, who was definitely late getting on. He was supposed to be warmed up and ready to start his lesson as soon as his brothers’ was over. “And I see the hold up.”

“Hm?” Moooore leeeeeeeeg, Christina thought in agonized slow motion narration. Wizzy’s engine was small and his throttle was “lazy”. He was only ever going to go as fast as he absolutely had to. Sometimes the trainer flexed her calf muscles as if to turn a spur into him and key him up from across the ring.

“Eden’s here. With Juan.”

Eurgh, I must be as addicting as he is. Which part of “this can’t be all the time” did he misunderstand? Or did he just hear me tell Lukas this morning that I’m making half and half lasagna for dinner? She took a quick glance to the right and saw the two Chelsea men approaching, and then refocused on Leo, who was getting ready to jump a single crossrail on the diagonal and then change leads before turning back onto the rail. Wizzy had “auto changes”, meaning he knew to swap on his own whenever he was asked to change direction. It was ugly and sometimes disjointed if he tried to swap without enough impulsion in his canter, so they were working on maintaining a consistent step to try to get smoother changes. Man, now I have to do a serious lesson with Yannis for Eden.

“That’s good, kiddo!” Christina told the other Hazard boy after he got a decent lead change, more through Wizzy’s doing than his. “Come over here so I can put your cooler on.”

“Was it really good or are you just tired of looking at him?” his mom questioned.

“It was better. I don’t see it getting perfect today, and perfect once is not perfect forever, so...meh.” No one is more proof of that than meeeee. I’ve been perfect. It’s been a long time.

“Hi honey, hi Chris,” Eden greeted the girls.

“Hi honey.” Natasha smooched him hello. “Why are you here and who is picking up the dog from the groomer?”

“I wanted to watch their training and Juan took too long in the pool so I made him bring me here instead of home. Amanda and Samy are getting the dog. He’s done already?” Eden asked disappointedly about Leo. Juan sometimes picked up Azpi and since Eden was across the street he caught a ride too, which annoyed Juan because Azpi’s wife usually picked him up at Cobham on her way home from wherever their daughter went for after school care, but she didn’t pick up Eden so Juan still had to take Eden home.

“I took the usual amount of time in the pool,” Juan said in his own defense as he kissed Natasha’s cheeks. He then leaned over the gazebo railing to squeeze Christina’s shoulders and kiss her cheek too. Hers was harder to get to because of the bulky Barbour scarf looped around her neck. “Hey.”

“Hey.”

“Hi Daddy!”

“Hi Leo.”

“Hi Juan!”

“Hi Leo.”

“Was your training good? Did you do the best?” Father asked Son. Trainer frowned a bit, and then frowned more deeply at her frown. I always wish parents would ask their kids if they had fun first, before if they did well, but then I get annoyed at the parents who don’t care if the kids don’t do well and give their best. How come there are so many subjects that are so lose-lose with me?

“Wizzy was good,” Leo testified. His answer changed the direction of the curvature of Christina’s lips. She took the burgundy wool cooler off the fence and draped it over the pony’s butt so that they could go walk and warm down once the kid was done complaining that his dad would get to see Yannis jump and not him, and once his dad was done blaming it on Juan, who took it admirably and without further protest. The other kid came over to have his matching cooler removed for him, and to chitchat. He was prone to that. He loved socializing.

“Get moving,” Christina ordered, shooing him away. “Cornflakes is going to get cold. You’re already late. Go.” She then took her scarf off and asked the Spaniard to hold it for her since he took the tall chair closest to where she was sitting on the other side of the rail, and put on her crocheted and leather gloves. It was time to go raise the couple of fences she took apart for Leo, and take some poles off some others that were still 3-4’ from her earlier schooling, and move some around to accommodate the pony’s smaller stride. That was warming work and she had to ditch the scarf and open up her jacket or she’d get too hot, and then be extra cold later when she was standing or sitting still again. To be a riding coach is to adjust or change layers of clothing, footwear, and gloves all day long.

“Is that a hickey on your neck? It’s so...sprawling,” Natasha asked her about a big reddish-blue blob on the side and front of her throat while she was still turned around toward the gazebo to pass the scarf over the rail. It definitely wasn’t a hickey but it was definitely something the rider forgot about.

“Nah, Lukas accidentally tried to strangle me with...his roller-duck leash,” she lied. It was Juan. Juan strangled her. With his hand. On purpose. Because she liked it.

“Ouch. Is it like a rope burn?” Natasha was squinting from across the little round table between her and Christina.

“Yeah.” Christina zipped her adidas jacket up to make the mark harder to see, and hopped down off the fence without daring a look at the source of said mark. I wish I could just tell herrrrrrr, she groaned inside. Then I wouldn’t have to lie, AND I could relish making her jealous as hell about my double sex life. I do feel bad, however, than Schü and I haven’t had as much gush-to-friends-worthy sex lately. Really just once in...I don’t even know how long. And today is the first day I’ve even seen her since then besides New Year’s when we were with too many people...and I didn’t even think of it today...because I have...more recent sexual escapades on my mind. Hey, you know what, she asked herself on her way to the Red Bull-themed jump. It’s probably a really good thing that when he shows up here out of nowhere I don’t get the butterflies. When you start sleeping with someone and you get into the sex-honeymoon thing where after the first time you fiend to do it as much as possible, as soon as possible, you also get the butterflies when his texts pop up, or when you see him. I’m not having any butterflies. I’m not getting that hit of whatever the brain chemical is. That’s a good thing. Also, you know what else is a good thing? I don’t have to feel like banging Juan a bunch of times in quick succession is a sign that banging Schü is boring or unsatisfactory or even tired. The teddy bear does things that the Schü won’t. It’s not that it’s better. It’s different.

André would never squeeze my neck like that, no matter how many times I ask, and I would never ask him anyway because I know how upset it would make him. He never got over that night at Christmas- our first Christmas- when I basically begged him to abuse me. He never got over what I looked like in the morning with the hickeys, and bite marks, and bruises from his hands. I think my lip was even bleeding. I know I was bleeding from an even worse place when I got in the shower but he didn’t even know that and it was still so traumatic for him that he didn’t touch me for weeks, so... I don’t think he’d oblige if I said “Hey babe can you squeeze my neck until it leaves a mark?”. Or he might do it just because he wants to please, but he would feel awful about it and hate it, so I wouldn’t want him to. Also he would then be all afraid that I want to hurt myself and use him to do it. And that’s not the case. I just find it really hot when the teddy bear gets a little rapey. It’s a turn on. It’s such a departure from his normal character. Maybe it’s like I feel special that I get to see him go after what he wants that way because I’m so used to his selflessness, and it’s like controlling me in bed is something he wants and enjoys so much that he can’t maintain his usual commitment to that selflessness. Who needs to kiss and tell to a best friend to figure out how you feel about sex when you can do an awesome job sorting it out on your own while lowering jumps, Christina complimented herself on her mental fortitude as she wiggled a wing standard in to make the Red Bull oxer less wide.

Natasha tried to get the players to go help with the jump adjustments but one cited a footwear-related excuse and the other made the case that Christina could do it faster on her own because she wouldn’t have to keep stopping to tell them what to do. She stayed in the ring to do the lesson quite seriously, and mostly on her feet. During a little break for child and pony, she sat on her faux brick wall and took her warm and comfortable Dubarry boot off to remove her knee sock and take the tape off her ankle. Sometimes she forgot to cut or tear it away when she was finished riding if she wasn’t immediately changing her pants or if she didn’t have a reason to take her socks off. Leaving it on wasn’t good for it. It was getting better though. It still hurt when she rode, and it still hurt after she rode; it still hurt when she worked out, and it still hurt when she sat down at the end of the day or got in bed. It just hurt less. The percentage of time that the pain was excruciating instead of just a tolerable aching sensation was less than before her last treatment in Munich.

That regiment was exhausted and there wasn’t anything else readily available to try, so Christina and everyone in her close circle hoped the benefits were not yet fully realized. She didn’t talk about it much. Most people were accustomed to her pain being constant and predictable and didn’t even bother to ask about it anymore, and she didn’t want to go offering up that it was maybe feeling a little less bad, because she was afraid of tempting fate. She was afraid that was all she was going to get- that the benefits were already maxed out. At some point she was supposed to go back to the Die Mannschaft doctor for an “exit scan” to see if the injections eliminated the blood vessels that were supposedly responsible for her pain. If they weren’t gone by then, they weren’t going away. Each time she went for one of the three injections the scan showed fewer of them. She didn’t know how long it was reasonable to expect the sclerosing treatment to continue to work. She had no idea if her first injection would still be doing its thing when she got the second one three months later or if it would have already been “finished” before that, or if it was going to keep going for months and months and the next treatment was just to boost it, or double it, or what. Such was her reluctance to believe anything would ever “cure” her, she was never interested enough to ask really in-depth questions of her doctor.

“I’m gonna go get something warm to drink,” she announced to the adults after announcing to the child that his lesson was finished. It was much darker and colder out than when it started. Eden got up to go inside too, and Natasha told him she had to stay to wait for Yannis to be finished walking Cornflakes out, so he sat back down. Juan had evidently had enough of being cold. He hopped down the gazebo stairs to meet Christina at the gate.

“Want this back?” he asked with the proffered scarf when they fell into step. The rider took the navy and heather houndstooth wool but didn’t put it around her neck.

“How come you’re here?” she inquired instead, slightly cautious.

“Eden said he wanted to see the training so I offered to bring him here,” the player shrugged. “Did I overuse my open invitation?”

“No, I- I dunno. I want to make sure we’re not already being dumb about...this. Remember when I said it can’t be all the time?” Christina kept her voice low as they walked into the barn, and she made a beeline for the tack room instead of slowing to pat any of the many noses over doors along the way.

“I had no intention of coming over until he brought up the kids,” Juan insisted. “I’ll go if that’s what you want.”

“No, of course not. And watch your mouth,” his beneficial friend warned with raised brows as she leaned backward on the door, waiting to open it. Leo was inside cleaning his bridle, and he heard everything and repeated almost as much. “Want anything?”

“What are you having?”

“Oriental spice herbal tea. No caffeine.”

“Sounds good.”

“It’s the orangey one.”

“Okay.” Player followed rider inside and pretended to be interested in the bridle cleaning while she used the coffee machine to fill two mugs with hot water. Leo had to stand on an overturned bucket to even reach his bridle on the cleaning hook suspended from the ceiling, and he still struggled to reach the crownpiece and brow band, so he actually asked the Spaniard to hold it for him. “Chris, what are you doing for the rest of the day? Are you done with work or no?”

“I’m going to drink my tea and write a schedule on the board for tomorrow, and then I’m going home to make dinner and sit on the couch with Lukas.”

“Do I have another lesson tomorrow, Chris?” Leo asked with a hopeful lilt.

“Yes, with Kyle.”

“I like it better when it’s you!”

“I knooooow but I have to ride all my ponies in the morning and then go to Germany for something. You have football in the morning so you won’t be here when I am.” Christina dropped a teabag into each cup and set the timer on the microwave for 6 minutes. “Do you want to ride on your own or with Yannis? With Yannis is more fun when it’s Kyle, no?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay, I’m going to go write it down.”

By the time she was finished writing her horses and notes on the whiteboard for everyone to follow in the morning and ready to get her tea, Leo had Juan doing the tack cleaning for him and was sitting on a trunk drinking chocolate milk. The scene tugged at her heart a little. He really should go find a real girlfriend and get to work on the whole family thing, she thought. He really will be the most amazing dad, because he can make anybody feel better or feel okay, he has plenty of smarts to pass on, he knows how to have fun, he likes to engage with kids, and he actually has willpower. He will be strict enough not to cave to everything his kids want, but he’ll want them to be their own people and make their own mistakes and grow up as responsible and kind individuals. His kids will be so down to earth. Lukas is going to end up spoiled as hell. I know it.

Eden came in with Yannis’ saddle and bridle and looked around, helplessly unsure of what to do with them. Christina took the bridle and directed him to the proper saddle rack on the back wall. Having everybody around made her a touch sad, because it made her think about how different it would be in Dortmund. There she would only ever have Stefanie, Kyle, Tom, and whoever Tom wanted to work under him around- no Hazard kids to keep things interesting and cute, no Natasha for company, no Eden for the comedy, and no Juan for any of the multitude of things he offered with his presence. No one was just going to drop by in Dortmund, unless Mario got in the habit of showing up to see Stefanie. That relationship was ambiguous and confusing anyway. Christina realized as she watched Leo try to teach Juan how to tie up Wizzy’s bridle in a figure eight that she had no idea who she was even going to hang out with in her new home. Zoe was a friend but not a close one, and not one she even wanted to be closer to. It seemed unlikely to her that Marco would want to go on coffee and shopping dates with her. He’d want to hang out with André too, and obviously she would be spending time with her partner but the point of friends was to have other people to go out and do things with instead of just him. Stefanie and Kyle were students. One was a full-fledged employee as well and the other sort of worked for her too. The established pro knew not to mix those things up with close friendship. That could be a bad thing for all involved.

And worst of all the ominous thoughts that hit her in the tack room, she had no idea how she would even make new friends. When she moved to London she had Samantha at least, and she had a friend of André’s who wanted to get to know her because he had an instant crush on her. Natasha reached out to her to become friends, and that was in part because Christina was different from a lot of the other Chelsea girls. The Dortmund girls, as far as she knew, were a lot like those other Chelsea girls, or in other words, people who she didn’t have much in common with. In conclusion, she was really feeling the anticipatory pain of missing her circle, and missing the atmosphere at her place that she’d grown so used to and so fond of.

“Are you just waiting for everybody to get out of here?” Juan asked her when he was done messing around with Eden and Leo. His ex was just sitting at the table staring into space.

“No. I don’t need to be here for that,” she shrugged. “Are you leaving when they do? Do you want spicy traditional and pesto-Alfredo lasagna?”

“Why do you bother with making two different kinds?” he chuckled. “Isn’t it annoying enough to make just one, since I’m sure you make your own sauce and grate your cheese and-“

“Because I like to have both kinds, and I pack the pesto and Alfredo layered one full of veggies. Regular lasagna only has the veggies that are in the sauce. That’s not enough veggies for a balanced meal. I’d have to make a salad to go with it. I don’t want salad. I had salad for lunch.”

“Then why not just make the one with the vegetables?”

“Not enough protein. You can’t put meat in that. The moisture from the veggies would ruin the texture. Sometimes I make just the pesto-Alfredo lasagna and do meatballs on the side, because you can cut up the lasagna and put them in there and get the two sauces on them and it’s nice, then, but we just had meatballs the other night.”

“When did you start caring so much about veggies and protein and complete meals, hmm? I don’t remember you always being so careful about your eating as you have the last couple of years. I remember pizza and two cappuccinos for lunch, a Red Bull during shopping, and a bowl of pasta and cream for dinner with your soda.” The Spanish midfielder smiled teasingly while he sipped his tea across the table.

“When I started caring about looking after myself,” Christina shrugged. “When someone gave me the opportunity to care about things besides horses.” When somebody loved me and made me like myself enough to want to take care of myself.

“I don’t think anyone gave you anything.”

“Whatever,” she chuckled, feigning amusement just to avoid getting any more pensive. The two friends, and lovers, were having a conversation about one thing but really talking about another, and she didn’t want to get into the second thing. She didn’t want to get into an examination of the effect of falling in love with André on the rest of her life, and what she thought of herself, and what mattered. “Do you want half and half lasagna or no?”

“Sure.”

“No dessert though,” she warned, still speaking of one thing and meaning another. Juan knew what she meant. There was no sex on the menu. She was, at least in her own head, adamant about that. I don’t feel like doing that, I don’t want to do it three days in a row and exploit this whole thing, and to be honest, I’m a little sore from last night, she reminded herself, shoring up her resolve. There is even a little spot so raw that it stings when I pee. Just friends tonight.

She put him in charge of grating regular mozzarella for the inside of her lasagna and slicing fresh mozzarella for the top once they said goodbye to the others and went up to the house. The goodbye was slightly self-conscious on her part because she worried about the optics of Juan staying for dinner. That wasn’t an unusual or suspicious thing on any given day. She worried it looked suspicious because both Hazards knew they went to Spain together the day before. Yannis was taking forever to put his stuff away and she didn’t want to just wait them out. Lasagna-making was a lengthy process for her. While her dinner guest took care of the cheese, she had to defrost some homemade spicy marinara, brown ground beef and sausage, make pesto in the food processor, parboil the noodle sheets, and reduce cream and butter on the stove for the Alfredo. Once the two types were assembled in separate glass casserole dishes and set in the oven, Christina left Juan to babysit Lukas so she could take a quick shower, and when she was finished with that she took advantage of the privacy upstairs to call André.

“Are you totally pooped?” she asked him once they apologized to one another for not having more contact throughout the day. Their excuses matched. They were busy. They were both on other people’s schedules.

“Beyond totally pooped. This team doesn’t do “ease the guys back into work after holiday”. It could have been worse. I’m glad I tried to do some activity every day. What about you? How was your day, pretty girl?” André let out a long exhale- the kind one does when finally relaxing after a long day. He was lying in his hotel bed and wishing it were dinnertime. He’d been there a while already. Talking to his girl just helped to unwind more, and feel less drained by fitness training and benchmark testing that seemed to go on all day long. Vacation agenda to physical work agenda wasn’t the only tough transition. Being with family 24/7 to being with the team 24/7 was also a shock to the system. He missed Lukas. He missed Christina. He missed being surrounded by people who really cared what he had to say, and who knew about everything he might want to talk about. His friends and teammates had their own stuff to talk about.

“It was okay. The blog lady was nice. I had to make stuff up because I don’t have that many secrets to success. It’s a little lonely at the barn right now,” the rider admitted. “Stef rides before I get there, the guys are busy doing work. You’re not around to visit for lunch and bring Lukas. Espen keeps him here at the house, out of the cold. I didn’t even bring the dogs out with me today because I didn’t want them getting in the way of the blog lady and her camera guy. I was going to come home and see Lukas for a little before she got here but then I realized I needed to put some makeup on and find a clean adidas jacket. Nat was here after that with the kids, and Eden got Juan to bring him over to watch too, and that was better but now I’m thinking about how lonely it’s going to be at the new place.”

“You’ll be with Tom every day. Isn’t that a plus?” At least she’s telling me how she feels, the German player thought. And in a rational, calm way instead of a tantrum.

“Yeah, but plus one Tom doesn’t cancel out minus one Isa, four Hazards, one Juan, Sam...”

“Maybe you’ll get to know my teammates’ girls better and some of their kids will want to ride,” he suggested, trying to sound optimistic.

“What are they going to ride, babe? I don’t have school horses and ponies to teach beginner lessons on.”

“We could-“

“And I don’t want any.”

“You’re a smart, fun girl to be around, Prinzessin. I’m sure you’ll make friends. Zoe must have some interesting people that she hangs out with. You have Stefanie, and Kyle. Maybe they meet some new friends in their apartment building, and then you get to meet them too. Same with Espen.” Not. Chris doesn’t make friends. She spent like 30 weekends a year with Daniel for three or four years before she decided they could be friends. But, André countered his own instincts, still optimistic. I’m going to spend a lot of time with her and Mausi. I’m going to take them out to do things so that they like the area. I want it to be home for them. “And I have friends here, or near here, that you haven’t gotten to know yet. They have girlfriends. Let’s just focus on getting ourselves settled, and getting the barn settled, and then everything else comes on its own, just like when you first moved in with me.” He wanted to keep things calm, and extinguish anxiety before it blossomed again. He had his own anxiety about how his girl would adapt. His most incessant worry was that she would use every possible opportunity to go back to London to visit Natasha and Juan. If she spent two weekends out of every month at horse shows, one in London, and only one at home, things would get bad between them again quickly. They still hadn’t decided on a plan for their English estate either. They hadn’t decided whether to list it for sale or to try to lease it out, and if they sought a tenant if it would be for the house and the stable together, one or the other, both but separate, just the cottage, etc. Independently of that decision, André thought about the consequences of Christina having a house or a cottage available to flee to. But the more he thought about that, the more he thought it would actually be better if she had her own place to go to when she wanted to visit London to see friends or for work, because the alternative was probably staying with Juan. Surely, he figured, she would choose his apartment over a guestroom at the Hazard house, or a hotel.  

“Yeah,” Christina replied noncommittally. She thought less about what he actually said and more about the way he said it, and that he said it. She appreciated that he was trying to address her issues in a somewhat sensible way instead of just assuring her everything would be fine without providing any substance or reason. Also she just missed him, and hearing him try to be comforting made it worse.

“What are you and Mausi up to tonight? Want to watch a movie with me later, after dinner? You can pick, and talk through the whole thing.”

“I have lasagna in the oven and Juan is still here.”

“Again?” Come on. I said they could fuck if they want, not move in together.

“Not like that again. He did the Eden-Azpi carpool today and Eden wanted him to bring him here instead of home. He’s not staying. And I would love to watch a movie with you later. Call me whenever you’re ready.” I’m def bringing the puppies upstairs to get in bed with me for Moviefone time, Christina thought. “Moviefone time”, named after the movie ticket hotline and website she used when she was a teenager, was how she labeled watching a movie with someone in two different places, linked via phone call or Face Time. Ironically, she first began the practice with Juan, in Hong Kong. “I would love” was no exaggeration, however. The only thing she wanted more was to watch a movie with André in person instead of over the phone.

“I trust you, Prinzessin, but please don’t try to find out exactly where the line is between what I understand and don’t mind, and what hurts.”

“I’m not. I have my own line too and I think it’s actually closer than yours. He knows that too. He respects it.”

“He stayed last night, though, yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“What did you do?”

“Nothing that matters.”

“Use your head, all right?” I don’t want to regret this, the footballer sighed inside. What’s so great about him that she’s hardly been away from him in like two and a half days? She was apart from him so much while I was home that she has to make up for it now? I don’t even believe the things that come to mind right now, but it’s so hard not to think of all the bad possibilities. I just want to trust her, and feel like it’s the right thing.

“I’m using my head and my heart and both are for you.” His partner was pretty quiet. The new situation was already beginning to seem like a problem, and that was not at all what she wanted. It was supposed to be part of the solution. She wanted to be more emphatic in her own defense but that didn’t feel like the right play, and she didn’t want there to even be a game. “I need to go make sure my lasagnas aren’t burning.”

“I’ll call you later.”

“Do you have to go? I wasn’t saying bye. There’s this crazy benefit to mobile phones, known as “mobility”. I can walk from my vanity all the way downstairs to the kitchen with the phone.”

“Smartass.”

[straane]

Motherworld (Ch.4/?)

Title: Motherworld

Author: strane-stelle

Fandom: Final Fantasy X

Central characters: Tidus

Rating: 12+

Chapters: 4/?  Chapter 1  Chapter 2  Chapter 3  Chapter 5  Chapter 6

Word count: 2172

Summary: “The fayth said it’s pointless to keep dreaming. The dream will disappear, he said. What did he mean?” After a long journey, Tidus finally gets to go home.

Warnings: Ton of OCs; drug references; mild implicit violence and some explicit, also mild

Other comments: credit goes to @shuyiin​ for the idea.(or virtually the star player himself @leviathkand)  

Chapter 4 – Grateful

"Spira? Spira, as in...?"

Spira, as in the most miraculous place Tidus had ever known; and the most wretched. Spira, as in the tranquil waves washing over the smooth, hot sand; the long-fallen towers gazing wearily over the shore. Spira, as in men turning their heads away from the dance and picking up their hammers; children crying over the remains of their homes. Spira, as in pyreflies gathering over the rivers at nightfall.

Spira, as in a single searing tear rippling on the surface before dissolving into the cold, thick water. Spira, as in Yuna.

Spira, as in the truth; the harrowing truth.  

"Spira, as in..." Tidus stuttered. Edge was still holding him by the collar, and a layer of his skin as well; and nobody could quite bring themselves to defend him any more than he could bring himself. Perhaps nobody wanted to. The undercurrents were still swirling wildly from the confrontation; and suddenly felt chilly to the bone, even against Tidus's water-resistant uniform.

"Tidus," Teri ventured to ask, "did you have something to do with... what happened?"

Tidus had no idea how to answer. Did he? Probably.

"...Guys, I don't know what happened, but I--"

Before he could finish, everyone suddenly turned their heads as the waters shifted directions again; in the wake of a swimmer making towards the team with strong, seasoned pulls and pushes. Tidus had barely recognized the distorted underwater image of his agent, before Leo had already separated him from his assailant with a violent smack; followed with another one for good measure; grabbed Tidus by the arm, and dragged him along towards the gate.

"H-hey, Leo, wait!"

"You don't have the authority!" Edge screeched after them, but only one of them was wearing the required machinery to hear him. Leo, in the midst of all his evident perturbation, even made a mockingly confused gesture upon hearing from Tidus's earphones what must have amounted to distant mutter.  

Nobody gave chase; perhaps nobody wanted to.  

--

A consistent stream of profanities washed over Tidus as he was being towed through the corridors by one rather distressed sports agent. Still unsure as to the benevolent intentions behind the action, Tidus tried to wriggle his arm free, but to no avail – Leo had done some serious swimming in his day. And what was the point of Bern, again?

"Leo, please -- I can explain -- or at least, I think I can --"

"Shut up. Just... shut up."

At long last, Leo stopped when they reached the office segment of the building; at what looked like the most unexciting door in the hallway. He wrestled with some keys for a moment, then got tired, cursed, and kicked the door open; to Tidus's mild amazement. He gestured towards the inside, suddenly in a very devil-may-care fashion, letting go of his protégé, finally; and granting him the choice whether or not to follow him. Besides agitation and fresh indifference, there was something else about his manner – something vulnerable; almost sad. Tidus nodded at his agent knowingly before entering – even though at this point, he doubted whether he truly knew anything at all.

Miraculously, the door was still unbroken enough to close. The air in the room was extremely stuffy, and the furniture was composed of nothing besides a shabby desk, two bookshelves (oddly enough stacked with relevant-looking titles), a moth-eaten carpet with the tacky retro Abes logo, a flickering holographic poster of Jecht, and random pieces of blitz gear and field equipment scattered around. Tidus's two guesses were either a forsaken storeroom or Bern's very current office. 

“We don't have much time," Leo declared, circling the room; back to neurotic and vaguely aggressive. "Hirans'll be here any minute now."

"Wh-- wait a minute-- he's coming?" Tidus spluttered, sidetracking into indignantly wondering why no one ever told him anything. The last he'd seen of the rich buffoon, he'd showed up at a pre-Jecht Memorial Cup charity match, to get Tidus to sign a contract allowing him to sell either action figures or blitzball cards – his memory failed him here, he'd stopped collecting both when the fifth edition of the Jecht Superior series had hit the stores. He'd grudgingly signed, but Nella had not let their 'coach' off the hook so easily – she had pestered him for some game pointers and diet advice, and even opened up about some very imaginary women's troubles. Just thinking about it, Tidus still wanted to howl with laughter – and right now, cry. Cry like he finally had a good enough reason – for a very gloomy thought was looming larger and larger in the back of his mind.

"Yeah, yeah!" Leo barked in reply. "To discuss your future with the team, the entire board are on their way! It was all going fine and dandy with the evaluation until... well, you know." Tidus had never seen Leo so discomposed. It almost looked as though he was bursting out of himself, eyes first. "That happened."

"Listen," Tidus desperately began an explanation he had no idea how to accomplish, "I don't know what's going on, but--"

"I think you do, kid!" Leo fumed, now absolutely livid. Tidus's eyes grew wide at the extreme reaction, but even as he took a step back, he could tell – against his better judgement – that the agent meant no harm. And that – somehow – he was supposed to be here, at this very moment, having this very conversation with him. Even if Leo himself seemed to disagree, "On a side-note, where's your goddamn self-preservation instinct? That blasted press conference, not even trying to stand up for yourself just now... never mind getting kicked off the team, they would've--"

Tidus couldn't quite get the point of changing the subject and cut him short, "Leo, I know you don't wanna hear this, but I think those fiends are connected to Spira."

Tidus was going to try to give another shot at the ‘Spira, as in’ game, until he remembered that he had, in fact, told Leo everything – almost everything – and it was a miracle he had listened. And never in a million years could he have predicted what the man – who had grown oddly calm at his response – would say next.  

"You think... we're all connected to Spira, don't you?"

Tidus froze completely. It was a borderline surreal sight – the way Leo looked as he uttered those words; confident in his assumption, yet confused and scared of his wits. And the words struck him like lightning from a clear sky – unexpected; even absurd, but undeniably powerful. "You said,” Leo impatiently continued, “Spira has its own Zanarkand, one that's been long destroyed. Well... what does that mean for us? Are we... are we long destroyed, too?" 

Tidus could hardly believe what he was hearing, and was sorely out of answers. It was then that the notion; the one skulking in the back of his mind; finally registered: a truly horrifying scenario. He finally did have a good enough reason.

"Leo," Tidus began, a sweeping finger instinctively reaching towards his cheek, although his eyes were only dampening. "What if," he was almost shouting as the first droplet fell, "what if she went to the Farplane, Leo?!"

For some reason, Leo did not seem to require further elaboration.

"They told me... we were all just dreams. The fayth said... it's pointless to keep dreaming. The dream will disappear, they said. But the thing is..." No amount of wiping could help him at this point. "It was supposed to be me! I was supposed to disappear! I was going to go to the Farplane, I should... I should be nothing but a bundle of pyreflies by now!"

Leo was silent.

"And of course, I knew," Tidus went on, choking at every breath, "that you... my, my team... everyone here... that all of you guys-- the rest of the city-- that it would all fade as well, I knew! They told me my father... my mother, everyone; that we were all just dreams. That we would all disappear. Should I have... should I have been more sorry, should I have pitied you all more? Maybe... maybe I was too busy pitying myself, and this is how they punish me. By taking-- instead of--"  

Drying his face, hands and chest on the top of his uniform, Tidus momentarily pulled himself together. "But-- why-- how-- since when have you believed me about Spira, anyway? What if... what if that was all smoke and mirrors just now, what if I'm... y'know... using?"

"You're not," Leo shook his head, "if you were, I'd know."

"What do you mean, you'd--"

"'Cause I was!" Leo snapped back, suddenly shouting again. "And old Niel took the blame! Said he was gonna retire anyway, blah blah, I was young and I had so much promise, that dense old fart! He almost killed himself with that stunt, 'cause it 'had to look real'! I didn't even make it to the game where he 'got caught', I was so... blitzed! And kid, I can tell you're just going through the motions, but you're-- believe me, if you were pulling what I was, I'd know!"

Tidus stared at him, wide-mouthed. But it added up. Even if it forever changed his perception of Leo; the former pro-blitzer who'd abruptly quit a steady career, citing a ‘desire to pursue other interests’.

"I think Bern believes you too, you know," Leo continued. "He followed you to your house the other day, after you tried to ditch him. And he saw... it, too. Of course, he thought it was just a--- but he told me, and I thought it was just a--" Leo made a long pause, and Tidus studied him; this new bizarre version of a person he thought he'd known annoyingly well. Leo held up his both hands in concentration as he stared into nothingness and spoke, "...Sometimes, I can feel it. It's like gravity. Like I'm... like we're being pulled. Not pulled down... but up. Pulled up... into existence."

Tidus had always felt it. He could still feel it.

"And I feel," Leo added, with a sudden sense of finality, "grateful."

He raised his eyes and they exchanged somber looks. And that's when, with a strident echo; the door hit the wall once more and they both jumped.

"See? I told you."

Apparently, someone had given chase; and had some impressive tracking skills, too. It was, of course, Edge; and Arret, by the looks of it – the self-righteous senior player had always had the somewhat impressionable goalkeeper under his thumb. The three other pursuers; Frion, Riona, and Leno; were standing in the back, still seemingly making up their minds about whom they were pursuing (but certainly doing their share in blocking the exit). Teri wasn't with the group.

"Where's... where's Teri?" Tidus demanded as he observed the fact, fearing the worst for a second.

"Seems to think Nella died of natural causes," Edge replied nonchalantly, with the air of a fearless justice-campaigning hero, "and who cares?"

"Died?" Tidus echoed, fearing a new kind of worst. But judging by Edge's dismissive reaction, he was just being metaphorical – or speculative. Leo tried to extend a protective arm in front of Tidus as he stepped forward from the back, but Tidus wouldn't let him. For the first time since his return, he felt far better-equipped to handle a situation than one of his babysitters.

"We just want to know what happened to Nella," Edge pleaded with him with faux civility. Tidus surveyed him for a moment. Something told him that asking whether he felt a "pull" or introducing the concept of the Farplane were not good negotiation strategies.

Suddenly something jumped out to him. It was the blitzball that Edge was carrying on one arm and hiding partially behind his back. Tidus had never seen anything like it – in this life. But he had in another. The ball had spikes on it.

"Edge... where did you get that blitzball?"

"Oh, this?" He spun the lethal instrument on his finger. "Found it in the changing room."

Tidus narrowed his eyes in disbelief. First fiends – and now objects from the other side?

“Relax," Edge scoffed. "I'll just be holding onto this until the police get here. Oh, and I sent Hirans away, hope you don't mind."  

Tidus was starting to think perhaps Hirans was no longer a corporeal part of this world, either; what with his track record of showing up. He was also starting to get tired of this conversation. Perceiving something in his peripheral vision, Tidus quickly peered to his side and made an even quicker decision: it was time to go. He gave a slight shrug as he shot Edge an apologetic glance.

Arret seemed to notice he was up to something, and opened his mouth, but too late. With one well-timed acrobatic motion, Tidus brought his hands to the floor, kicked his legs over his body and flung himself sideways across the room and right past Leo's ineffectual safeguarding attempts; sticking a perfect landing on the desired spot, before diving headfirst for two retired pieces of crossbar on the floor, and tossing one into Leo's very reactive arms.

"A gift from me! I hope you know how to use it!"