#let me be a damn mentor and specialist and work my magic

[savage-rhi]

Magenta.

[prettywarriors]

Fate The Winx Commentary

Good morning internet! Today is the drop of Winx: Riverdale edition! I sure hope you're ready for my aggressive and unnecessary commentary, because it is coming for you either way!

The netflix landing page lets us know:

Fate The Winx Saga

6 episodes, 48-53 minutes each

"Genres: Fantasy TV Shows, Teen TV Shows, Italian TV Shows"

"This show is: Emotional"

As mentioned elsewhere, my Winx knowledge is limited, so I will be coming into this fairly fresh and will try to be unbiased. As I have seen trailers, the keyword here is Try.

Episode 1

'To the Waters and the Wild'

CW: Animal Death, Swears, Implied Child Death, Blood, Implied Teen Sex, Burns, Weed, Fatphobia, Whatever the term pussie falls under

Episode 1 TL;DR: We meet everyone, learn their dynamics, have the basics of the magic system beat into us, meet our monsters, and name drop Harry Potter. Standard first episode stuff.

I do want it on record before we start that I got about halfway into the first season of Riverdale, and the first season of Netflix Sabrina. They were, well, bland and boring imo? I did get through a few seasons of Teen Wolf, but that's because it was capable of Fun and Jokes. My current expectations are a few unintentionally funny lines, maybe some almost decent magic effects, and because it's 2021, one whole gay character (I did hear one of the boys (there are boys?) is bi, but also an asshole so I'm hoping for some wlw)

TV-MA LANGUAGE AND SMOKING OH FUCKING BOY Almost full moon (waxing) in opening shot- I Will be tracking moon inconsistencies if it keeps showing up that is a pet peeve but hey look a bunch of sheep That's a good start (it's ominous though. don't hurt the sheep) Swears count: Feckin' 2 Mystical portal barrier. Oh yeah s5 of the magicians is on netflix now WELP THOSE ARE SHEEP GUTS RIGHT OUT THE GATE HUH For CW it's up a tree, and the dripping blood is a good warning of what's about to be seen :( oh and then the man who was looking for the sheep dies offscreen save for a spray of blood. THIS ISN'T YOUR CHILD'S WINX CLUB it seems to say. I assume. How much blood was in the original winx because this is already at least a full cup. (Also the monster noises for whatever was chasing the man (werewolf it was a werewolf trailers are bad guys) were not very good)

Opening credit scene is 5-6 different blooming elemental wings. They're pretty, but it's unclear if the last one is secret 6th member wings (because the second to last ones are fire which is the main character's element right?) so maybe we'll get a late 6th addition? (I am in I.T. please give me the most relatable character you cowards)

KIDS IN THE CORNER BY AMBER VAN DAY PLAYING I like where they shot this but that might just be european woods pretty. The opening location was nice and mossy save for the sheep blood Fancy big stone school establishing shots (it's nice, and huge) and we land on a red head who seems less than pleased to be here Courtyard shot of... whatever the name of the replacment plant girl is, holding a tray of various potted plants for an older man (father? first day of school send off maybe?) Aisha(?) walks by, not talking to anyone, Stella(?) is taking Magical!Selfies with at least 3 other girls, Musa(?) has a suitcase and headphones and smiles at a passing girl Oh boy a boy with a pocketknife doing little tricks with it! Nothing says edgy like an actual knife edge. Gonna take this moment to point out I have some level of face blindness and while the girls all look fairly different from one another, if there is more than one tall blonde white boy as I fear there may be, I WILL NOT be able to tell them apart. Not through maliciousness, just general incompetence, so anything I say about the boy characters (I want to say they're the knights to the girl's faeries? is that right? this whole thing smacks of gender) should be taken with a heap of salt I've come to accept tv just. displaying text messages on screen as a storytelling method. It's never my favorite but it just Is a modern story element. Also Bloom needs to meet stella at the alfea gates Alfea I presume is the school- does the name mean something? It sure feels like the word elf and therefore fae but I don't feel like googling anything this early in Oh look two more blondish tall white boys. Pocketknife was wearing something else i think, one guy has a brown jacket and pink shirt (bad combo), the other looks old even by tv highschool/college standards and his jacket has a jock vibe. Jock jacket also has an earring? Is this the bi character who is an asshole? From this one second of him, only in profile, I will assume yes, he is an asshole I like Bloom's backpack Pink shirt looks at Bloom from across the quad. I am already tired of this romance Cool he walks up to someone he has identified as lost, and is 'impressed with [her] confidence in the face of complete ignorance' COMING OUT OF THE GATE WITH A NEGG HUH PINKY He even states he wasn't offering help Then Why Are You Talking To Her Jackass Subs are going with the fairy spelling, and Bloom confirms she is a fairy and we confirm this is College. Unless this is a european thing where they call schools different things. I think that's just for public and private? And maybe just england? I'm American all they teach us is 1492-ww1 over and over for like. 10 years sorry Rest of the World 'What Realm are you from?' 'California' Speaking of ameri-centric, I'm gonna Guess that original Winx, the italian cartoon, didn't have their main character be from cali usa? I am presuming this is a side effect of making this property for a more global distribution than I'm guessing winx was originally conceived as back in the early 00s The Otherworld. I assume this is the fairy realm and whatnot? And the magic school. Seems to be located behind a magical barrier in the earth realm?? If that's right it seems weird if basically everyone who goes to the school is from the otherworld Pinky doubles down on his rudeness but in a Fun and Cute way because :/ and the Specialist hall is Very Pretty, oh and there's a fairy hall. Are specialists the boy...things? magi knights? bros of the blade? guys who wear those 'here come a special boy' sneakers from that one comic? Stella sees this conversation which is great because they drop the term mansplain. why would otherworlders know that term even??? Edgey(?) sees Pinky and they hug it out Stella knows Americans are the type to wander off so I guess there's a lot of inter-world connections?

Miss Dowling- is this teacher going to be like the pedo in riverdale who got *checks notes* killed off by one of multiple serial killers later on? Dowling is the headmistress, gotta keep the otherworld a secret from earthers, time and place for portal making. all standard fantasy stuff so far, nothing to make this stand out Stella has a gateway ring, and frankly isn't too nice? all the backgrounders clothing is Bland and very normal 7 realms of the otherworld, Solaria is where Alfea is, i like magic globe Incase you forgot this was a modern tale, people update their insta stories here. 'I was kindof bummed I didn't see a single pair of wings' YOU AND ME BOTH BLOOM 'We had wings in the past, transformation was lost, tinkerbell was an air fairy' This is either a cop out for your glittery cowardice, or a set up for the main girls re-finding transformation magic later. I did like the Tink bit Bloom is a fire fairy and the subtext of this conversation is that bloom's magic did Something bad. I hope it was burn down her old school's gym a la buffy movie I like miss Dowling but in the I wouldn't Be Surprised if you turned out to be Evil way, and I guess Alfea is a very privileged upper crust school. What types of college do normal fairies go to then huh? damn privileged fairies 'our students have gone on to do amazing things like re-discover long lost magics' We Get It. You will give me Wings, but Only If I'm Patient Dowling throws a jab at Bloom about power control, but I like her necklace so It's Fine

Bloom video calls her parents while unpacking in the dorm, which may have come pre-fit with a heck ton of board games? Love it. Or new plant girl brought them along with her many plants Stella has a fancy mirror and lots of jewelry and fashion photos and makeup, Musa has a laptop and apparently not much else, gotta get those establishing personalities down I guess 'Ladies of the Flies honey don't be sexist' Bloom's dad for feminist of the year (these jokes are bad but i guess we can call it a dad joke as justification) Asiha gives Bloom a look and saves her from the call with her parents- yay friendship step one achieved Blooms parents think she's in the alps because magic secrets and what not Aisha asks bloom if she's never read harry potter and I guess Bloom is a potterhead (that's the term right?). Is this self awareness that all magical school fantasy series have the same basic bricks?  Bloom is a ravenclaw sometimes slytherin, Aisha is a Gryffindor Stella is changing because she's the fashion one and has a fun pastel rainbow skirt, and uses magic to make a real aggressive lamp. She's also a mentor (maybe older than the others by a bit?) I am assuming Stella here is something along the lines of a diplomats daughter the way she talks about appearances. She better get down and dirty later on to show her growth about how some things are more important than looks yada yada Fairy magic powered by strong emotions, i am waiting for bloom's backstory to be movie x-men rogue style tragedy Terra! Which. Of course is the Plant Fairy's name. Stella is a little mean to her about the plants and she takes it with a smile and some subtle snark back using classic literature Oh that's fun Terra points out the name-plant thing, and name drops her cousin Flora. That's. The one they replaced with Terra right? Terra's dad works in the greenhouse at the school which explains earlier (and her mum is named rose) Stella is indeed a second year and Musa's eyes change for. Lie detecting magic? and loves her headphones (Overstimulation?) Aisha wants somewhere to swim and we cut to a 'pond' by specialist training. Assuming she wants to sim because she's a water fairy, why Don't they have a pool? also this pond looks. Unpleasant for swimming

Girl specialist! Does that mean we have boy fairies? Boys. Fighting. Talking about girls. All gingers are nuts. Thanks edgelord AMAZING SHAGS THOUGH 'I didn't realize your hand was a red-head' it's not truly edge if we don't talk about sex every 10 minutes Subtitles earlier only said boy 1 boy 2 but now pinky or edgy is Riv Edgy smokes weed, and pinky is a big brother figure to him, and the head? of the special boys doesn't like edgy. Me neither older guy Bit of swordplay, more girls, every specialist has black training outfits, very military Pinky is Sky who is son of Guy of Place. an important lad. without context this is meaningless to me There's a giggly boy who laughs at the idea of a war in the future and gets a talking to. I suspect this boy will be re-occurring enough to die- he has those tertiary character elements with his intro and such (and he's black so I am prepared for your standard racist murder choices) Burned Ones exist outside the barrier, which makes me wonder if dead shepard was in the otherworld? There was nothing establishing that he was in any type of Other place but :/ Oh look edgey is having a smoke cross the barrier while we learn about the creatures that live beyond it. Time to find out these creatures no one young has ever seen are still kicking Specialist leader had to kill his own pa after a burned one got him. They also. Used a shotgun when trying to fight it. Do specialists even have powers or are they just good with weapons? Edgey finds the shepards corpse. Mostly blood 'it's been 16 years since the last sighting' 'Rosalind killed all the burned ones' ahh magical creature genocide hey when is abarat 4 coming out. and is rosalind hot?

School, gossip, Aisha and Musa are snarking at Tera for thinking the guy died of natural causes because we need to have these characters not actually like each other to make it stand out when they do Aisha talks about how she eats a lot and if she didn't swim she'd be massive and we cut to the plus sized tera looking uncomfortable are we really doing this? Tera points out that Musa was ignoring her earlier and it's all just uncomfortable and not great character conflict (but I thought I saw Musa holding an honest to god ipod? it's blue but it could be a phone case. Her hand is in the way) tera and dad interaction is nice, i'm also convinced they couldn't afford more than 3 magic adults

Girl with braids and metal in her hair! There were witches in winx right? Like 3 minor antagonist girls? I assume this is one of them. Because she has alternative fashion and is therefore evil /s Beatrix. Names in this series leave something to be desired (that something is subtly. I get it, they're carry overs from a series for a younger audience, she-ra had the same issue, but i can still poke fun) Swear count: Arsehole 2 Bollocks 1 Shit 1 She's a weird ass kissing with clearly ulterior motives

Bloom is Studying and her notebook is just FAIRY MAGIC POWER = EMOTIONS LOVE FEAR? HARTED? FIRE FAIRY CONTROL? in case you weren't paying attention Oh a flashback already to the magic triggering event? Her mother had pointed out she's an introvert, and past!Bloom doesn't Party. She goes Antiquing and is a Weird Loner (her 'basic bitch' of a mom's words) Swear count: Bitch 1 Bad daughter count: 1 Bad mother count: 1 Magic glowy eyes for Bloom: 1

Bloom Hates Parties and asks Pinky I mean Sky where she can be Away from People and he fears he'll be Mansplaing to her to. vague that it's dangerous outside instead of saying 'hey there's monsters and someone was just killed by possible one of them stay in the barrier' Stella wants to talk to Sky because they have History. I did hear there was a love triangle between these three. I am bored and everyone at this party is a nosey bitch who is watching their tense conversation. Also Something? Happens when Stella gets upset [mystical warbling] Random magic effects in the (very pretty) forest Bloom is trying to practice her magic on her own, and to do that she's gotta look at sad teen pics. And look, her burnt bedroom from her first power usage The fire magic is pretty good. I think fire is like. the opposite of water when it comes to cg where it almost always looks pretty good, while I swear i've seen the actual ocean look like a shitty render Magic out of control, bloom can't control her emotions, Aisha can stop her with water magic which makes some nice steam Bloom is angry at aisha for saving her. So far 3 of the 5 girls are abrasive at best remember when people made characters likeable? Swear count: Shit 1 (but it doubles as the literal meaning because of flooded toilets) Swear count: Bitch 1 Ass 1 Taking away your teen's door is. Really shitty. Not almost burn down your house worthy but damn cheerleader mom I do not understand sleep shirts with buttons. That seems painful if you lie the wrong way? Her mom was seriously burnt by first magic usage that's a backstory Shit count +1 Main character aspect time: dormant fairy blood line? awfully strong magic for that. baby who died day after it was born and now she's here? ...I was going to say changeling thanks aisha A Barbaric practice loving hints at long term world lore Hell is a bad word for kids!! Cutting to headmistress and her secret passage after finding out bloom is secret pureblood? this really is a harry potter thing

edgelord offers giggly some booze, and says pussies twice because he's Edgey and does peer pressure Tera calls him out and knows he's a sad nerd in disguise not a 'badass' and he says she's 'three people in disguise' because fatphobia shit +1 arehole +1 tera. chokes out edgelord with a vine because she's had enough of this shit. good for her edgelord is Riv, and he lived

OBLIGATORY GOOGLE SEARCH FOR THE TERM CHANGELING REMEMBER BELLA'S VAMPIRE GOOGLE GOD I LOVE TEEN FANTASY AND THEIR INSTANCE ON GOOGLING COMMON FANTASY TERMS OH hey the lamp bloom brought with her is the one she was fixing at home that's a nice touch Stella bonds with Bloom about homesickness, and the takes a selfie Musa is a mind fairy. So she. Is a telepath with purple eye magic? Oh there's types of 'connections' Memory, thought (others but i am cut off from the lore) Stella did Something to someone who Talked To Her Man last year and now lent Bloom her teleportation ring to send her some because miss mentor really cares more about her shitty man then helping the girls she's in charge of First World- earth Old Cemetery? Very Sexy. and bloom sweetie don't leave a mystical gateway open, and how will you explain to your parents how you're back so fast Wait she's only 16? SO this really is some european college where that's a funny way of saying High School Fire guilt, bad feelings about life shattering revelations, better connection with mother. I gotta say I have low expectations of this show carrying the family connection through the rest of this. That conversation felt more like a Hey We Made These Movements Onto Other Stuff Now

Lighting choices are interesting, with green, orange and purple for creepy warehouse. THE Creepy Warehouse where she would sleep without her parent's knowledge wow right that GIRL DROPS THE DAMN RING AT THE FIRST SIGN OF burned one looked more alien than werewolf-y here Decent Horror movie looks, and dude stole her ring. Rude. Saved by the headmistress, and tera/aisha/musa are here to great her Stella can't be here though because she has to greet a half naked freshly showered sky because life is suffering and producers insist people like to see teens half naked (who. Who?) shit +1 and she dumped him. pity part of one and using it to try to get your bone on. HEY A SONG I KNOW. IT'S WHATSITCALLED FROM THE BAYONETTA COMMERCIALS WAY BACK WHEN. in for the kill la roux. I do wish netflix would either commit to telling you what song was playing or didn't tell you at all

Riv offers Beatrix a hit from his joint because what Is a Bad Kid hasn't changed in like 70 years Blowing pot smoke into someone's mouth isn't as sexy as ya'll seem to think it is Musa has cute sleep socks with little pom poms, and I love Tera's floral jammies Tera offers a bluetooth speaker so they can listen to music together Musa also calls out Tera's fake happiness this is the good shit character interaction i live for Musa Empath Mind Fairy 'somber indie music'

If you kill a burned one in the human world Something? Extra bad happens? So the headmistress knows Bloom's a changeling, and ohhh that's the last time a burned one was spotted. Is Rosalind the famed Monster Slayer the birth mother of Bloom? Tera text flirts with Giggly who IS NAMED DANE and has a thing for. Sky? Riv? I told you these boys all look the same to me so if it's a half naked pic on fairy insta i'm out of context clues. Crymeariv is the insta name that answers that. Is this the slow burn enemies to lover mlm i can't finish this sentence i don't care riv is a dick Stella and Sky are in a bed and she doesn't seem to have a top on so Implied sexy times? MYSTERIOUS HOODED AND ROBED FIGURE CROSSES THROUGH THE BARRIAR AND SHOOTS THE BURNED ONE WITH LIGHTNING MAGIC OH IT'S beatrix

alt-J – Adeline as an ending song

[fandom-meanderer]

Not Your Classic Vigilante [Pt. 11]

Pairing: Batfamily x Batsis!Reader

Part: (11/?) [First] [Previous] [Next]

Genre: General Fiction

Fandom: DC Universe

P.o.V.: 3rd

Word Count: 3,793 Words

Warnings: Language

Further Notes: From now on, I’ve decided that chapters will be longer! I hope you enjoy :D

Eve had proved to be beneficial, the thought resided in Damien’s mind. Thanks to her, he was able to clear a few things up.

First of all, her, his sister, and the others in combat were all a part of a unit known simply as the Brigade. Their roles in battle are determined by the main color of their uniform, black being front-liners and white meaning support. The embroidery further specialized, red being combat specialists, silver being magic, and copper being artillery. Amongst the Brigade, his sister was the Captain, and her right hand was Alexander.

The nation they were in right now was known wholly as Caelum, while their zeroed in location is a small village known only as Hymnal. They were currently at war with the neighboring nation Imperium. From his understanding, the people of Caelum all came from different Earths, while the one they stood on at the current moment was artificial, man-made. But despite that there stood an established government, a monarchy to be specific, and an absolute one at that. The Brigade was at their mercy and, according to Eve, they couldn’t have had a worst ruling family, for reasons unspecified.

Regardless, Damien’s eyes shift over to the blackened window, they’ve been sitting in the house for who knows how long now. He was certain that the land beyond them was scorched even further down that the earth it once resided on. He scratched his head, he came here out of impulse and, no doubt, the others were probably looking for him. He couldn’t stop the wave of guilt that overcame him, but at the same time he couldn’t care less. They were the ones who didn’t understand, it wasn’t his fault, he was doing this for his very-much alive sister, after all. They, for some reason, wouldn’t understand.

—

(Name)’s vision was starting to blur. How long had they been fighting again? How many of the monsters have come? God only knows. (Name) looks over at the forest. There aren’t anymore approaching, but that doesn’t cancel out the ones still fighting. She takes a step back to steady herself, but with the growing casualties, the overlapping dissonances, and the lowering visibility, it was clear that if she stayed on field she would just become a hinderance.

“Captain?” The voice was indiscernible, be it because of sheer exhaustion or the loud howls, it didn’t matter. (Name) felt two steady hands on her arms, holding her upright.

“Don’t worry about me, I’d be fine even if I didn’t want to be,” (Name) musters out. “Who… who are you?” (Name) turns her head, but her vision just continued to blur.

“Damn, you’re in no condition to continue,” the voice continued. He slung her arm around his shoulder and led her to the safe house.

“Captain!” Another distorted voice.

“Sister?”

‘Eve and Damien,’ the Captain relaxed as whoever it was laid her on the floor. Eve kneeled over her and began performing a healing charm.

“I’m heading back out there,” the voice continues.

“Right, I’ll take care of her here, Carter,” Eve says. (Name) groans, and finally blacks out.

“What… what’s wrong with her?” Damien asks. Eve just scrunches her face.

“She’s pushed herself too long,” Eve shakes her head sadly. Damien’s eyes glossed over his sister, or whoever the hell that was. His sister didn’t look like this. His sister wasn’t supposed to be covered head to toe in blood, she isn’t supposed to have a dislocated arm, or a giant gash across her abdomen. His sister would have never worn a military uniform, let alone be the Captain of one. (Name) Wayne would have never step foot near danger, no, she would have run away and called one of them.

And, if rumors are true, she tried to call all of them that night.

“Damien, how long do you think we’ve been here?”

“A few hours?”

“For you, yes, but the Captain has been here since the fight broke out,” Eve frowns. “Which was two days ago.”

“What? That’s impossible,” Damien grunts.

“For you and me, yes, but the Captain is a special case,” Eve explains. She moves her hands to the unconscious woman’s head and rests it gently, a calming light emerging from underneath her palm. “We all arrived at different times, the latest one was Nixon, he arrived just a few hours ago.”

Damien’s mind flashes back to the man who told (Name) to abandon him somewhere and he quickly grimaced. He definitely wasn’t going to get along with him any time soon, and hopefully if things work out, he wouldn’t have to. If things worked out, in just the next day they’ll be back in the manor, as things should be.

“Either way, your sister will be back up in no time,” Eve reassures. “From what the transmissions have been saying, she’s going to make a beeline back to the Capital as soon as she wakes up… She’s been away from her post for too long, and the Royal family is starting to become impatient.”

“Post?”

“Oh, well she is the Captain of the Guard, plus, with what Alex has been saying over the transmission, one of us is going to have to head over to the Kingdom Capital and explain what’s going on,” Eve says. “Carter was going to go before, but the Captain volunteered herself. Knowing her, she’s probably going to take you with her.”

“I see.”

“She would prefer to stay, but with the hoards dying down and with Alex’s mentor coming along soon, the Captain is assured everything will be fine.” Eve quickly retracts her hand as (Name) groaned softly. Slowly, she opened her eyes and pushed herself up.

“Thank you… Eve…” she mumbles. She rolls her dislocated shoulder a bit. “Can you… Can you pop that back?” Eve nods and does as she is told and (Name) let out a satisfied sigh and thanks her.

“Anything for you, Captain,” she smiles. (Name) turns over to look at Damien.

“You and I have a lot to talk about, Damien,” she rubs the back of her head. “And as much as I’d rather rest for a bit more, I’m going to have to cut to the chase. We’re going to the Capital, and you’re coming with me. No arguments.”

“Alright,” Damien bit his tongue back.

“Eve, do you mind?”

“Not at all!” Eve stood up and waved her hand in a circle, a large portal materializing. “I’ll send you updates, Captain.”

“Please do, and be safe.”

“When am I not?” With that, (Name) nudged her head towards the portal and watched Damien enter first, then she followed close behind, the portal closing itself right as she entered.

Damien and (Name) stepped out of the swirling vortex and found themselves in the middle of a technology wonderland. If you can think of it, it’s there. Flying cars, androids, hover boards, holograms, etc. (Name) raised her eyebrow and laughed.

“Welcome to the Kingdom’s Capital,” she says. She digs through her pockets and holds out a small cube.

“Jason… Jason has taken you on his motorcycle before, right?” The name seemed uneasy on her lips.

“Yeah, why?”

“Well, this will be the exact same but three times faster,” she smirks. “Try not to get whiplash, Boy Wonder.”

“Do not—” he stops talking once she tosses the cube to the floor and it expands into a large motorbike.

“Climb on,” she says, gesturing to sit in front of her. “Oh, come on. Some knights ride horses, I ride bikes, it’s much more effective.” Damien shakes his head out of his shock and obeys. In a quick rev of her engine, the two sped down the streets of Capital City.

Damien thought he wouldn’t have been so awestricken by the sight, but for some reason he was. He knew they were speeding down the highways, that much was evident by the blurring lines of light that surrounded him, but time seemed to be at a simultaneous standstill, it felt peaceful, as strange as that sounds. He decided to chalk it up to their departure from the previous war zone.

The two come to a slow at a rather run down area, and (Name) helps him off while she recondenses the motorcycle back into it’s capsule. Unlike the marvel of mainstream Capital, this area seemed more familiar, the roads were a bit less kept, there were overgrown plants in some areas, the shops had certainly seen better days, but it felt familiar.

“More like Gotham?” (Name) seemed to have read his thoughts. He only nods. “Yeah, I thought so too, follow me,” she nudges to a bar, and the two walk in swiftly. It was empty, even the barkeeper was absent, Damien looked at the clock on the wall and saw it was only 8:32 am.

“Is it that early?”

“Being in battle really fucks with your sense of time,” (Name) explains. She opens a back door and gestures for Damien to ascend the stairs first. She closes the door behind them and leads him to the eighth floor. After a series of torn wallpaper and stained carpet, they stop in front of a plain looking unit. “Home sweet home,” she kicks open the door and pushes him inside.

“I thought you were the Captain of… whatever it was,” Damien eyes her suspiciously.

“Yeah, I am, but those idiots in the Brigade break so much shit it comes out of my paycheck,” (Name) deadpans. “I’m going to go take a shower, the Queen would have a heart attack if I got blood anywhere in the mansion. There’s some juice in the fridge if you’re up to it. We’ll grab lunch later,” (Name) instructs. She disappears into the hallway and Damien is left alone once again.

He sits on the couch in the small living room and bounces on it slightly, feeling the stiff springs under him, and he looks around the unit. It was nothing like where they used to live in Gotham, even her dorm was better than this, from what he remembered. A true downgrade, and he was certain (Name) would want to come back to the Manor just from comparing it to this alone. He looked out the window, the skyline of Capital in perfect display.

At least there was that one thing worth it in this place. He continues to stoop around and his eyes land on the mantle, the only thing sitting on it was one of his father’s tools, he remembers that Dick had jokingly called it a “batarang.” He picks it up and feels the weight in his hands. Now why would his sister have kept it if she never wanted to go home.

“I made it myself.” (Name) read his mind once again. “It’s not made out of the same metal though, but I figured if I could replicate it I could apply it to other weapons for the Brigade to use.” She walks up to him and takes it from his hand, placing it back to it’s rightful place. Damien looks her over, one wouldn’t have been able to tell that she was just massacring monsters only an hour earlier. Instead, she was in a pristine uniform with a specific emblem etched onto a badge on her shoulder.

“Ready to go, kiddo?” She asks.

“Yeah.”

—

“What do you mean, you can’t find him?” Dick shouts. Tim rubs his head angrily and gestures toward the screen.

“Do you see him on the radar? No? Well, neither can I!” He argues. Jason rolls his eyes.

“Stop arguing,” Bruce sighs.

“Why am I even here?” Jason grumbles. He takes his helmet. “I’m out, this is stupid. He’ll come back when he wants to, and when he’s not thinking like some crazy lunatic.”

“Jason has a point, this isn’t Damien’s first tantrum,” Bruce concedes.

“Jason, Bruce, wait, come on, we should make sure he’s alright,” Dick reasons. Tim turns back to the bat computer and a notification pings. “It’s from an unknown source…”

“What is it?”

“If you want to find your brother, here’s a hint,” Tim recites. He looks back at his two brothers, who just shrug and look back up at the screen. Tim obliges and opens the file. It was a grainy CCTV footage, but the figure centered in it was unmistakable. They watched as Damien ran around the area, asking random people who happened to be passing by, and what not, then a stranger walked up to him and inaudibly told him something. Whatever he said, Damien followed him into the cafe. Then they walked out and into a back alley. Although they were out of sight, the bright light that came from that alley was enough to hint to them what happened.

And so, operation Save Damien is a go.

—

Soon enough, (Name) stopped in front of a building and climbed off.

“We’re here, stay close.”

Damien, at first, trailed behind (Name). They entered into the huge manor, and he quickly found that it existed in a state that was in a stark difference from the technological marvel that was Capital City. Though, a strange thought, it resembled Wayne Manor in some ways. Damien noted that the manor lacked the advancement as the city, but who was he to judge? He just fell into the world a few hours ago.

“Hey, catch up,” (Name)’s voice was softer, more familiar. She stopped to let him walk next to her. “I know what you’re thinking, why does this place look so different from the outside?”

“Yeah.”

“The Queen is paranoid that technology will be the death of them,” (Name) explains. “Which is ridiculous, I mean I get it, but we have the best cyber-security team in all of the Earths, she should just learn how to accept it by now. I can’t wait until the Prince gets coronated, I swear,” (Name) sounded more like she was complaining now.

“I’ve heard the Royal family isn’t the best,” Damien comments. (Name) nods.

“You’re right. The King and Queen are too stuck up for their own good, if they talk to you keep it brief. The Prince is more lenient, you should be fine with him. But do not speak unless spoken to. The Queen is a bitch and the King is a pushover.”

“So why are you talking about them like that?”

“They couldn’t kill me if they tried. And it would be a dumb move on them to get rid of their best playing card.” (Name) stops in front of two large doors. “Ready?”

“Sure.”

(Name) pushed the doors open and they walked into the grand throne room. Before them sat three of the most powerful people in that world and, to say the least, Damien felt the pressure in the atmosphere. It was similar to those few times when he knew his enemies out-skilled him. He found himself subconsciously moving towards his sister.

“Captain,” the King spoke.

“Your majesty.” (Name) stopped a few feet away from the thrones, bowed her head, and put her hand to her heart. Damien followed suit.

“What is that behind you,” the Queen spat. Damien didn’t miss the annoyed look in (Name)’s eyes as she looked up at the other woman.

“My younger brother.”

“I see,” she relaxes into her seat. “Quite the predicament you’ve found yourself in. If he will affect your duties, dispose of him.”

Damien’s fists clenched behind his back, but he said nothing.

“That won’t be a problem. I’ve decided to take him in as my apprentice.”

“Tch,” the Queen turned her nose. Damien suddenly realizes why Jason would be so pissed when he did that to him. “So he’s virtually untouchable.”

“Yes.”

“Give me news on that village,” the King cut into the conversation.

“It’s unsalvageable, your majesty,” (Name) replied curtly. He shifted slightly.

“How many survivors?”

“Five.”

“Hundred?”

“No, your majesty. Five,” (Name) touched her heart again. “Correction, three.”

“My god,” the Queen shook her head. “How could your team, your special operations unit, have failed?!”

“I believe I’ve told you before, your majesty, there have been frequent sightings of a new and much stronger daemon in our midst. Before, we were able to handle up to five at a time on our own, but, for reasons unknown, an entire herd descended upon the village,” (Name) stood her ground and continued to explain the situation, all of which Damien already knew as Eve filled him in.

Damien’s eyes wandered to the Prince, who was silent this entire time. He was watching (Name) with a strange mix of curiosity, confusion, and concern. His head rested on the palm of his hand as he tried to feign superiority, but he held a similar annoyed expression that (Name) had, with his eyes constantly shifting to the Queen, who seemed ready to boil over with rage.

“I see,” the King tapped his foot, the sound bouncing off of the room’s walls. “I take it the situation is being dealt with at this time.”

“Yes, your majesty.”

“You are to remain in the Capital until your unit returns, the Royal Family needs top security. These attacks you have been detailing have occurred far too frequently.”

“I understand, your majesty.”

“Dismissed.” (Name) bowed her head again, turned on her heel, and left.

—

“When you called her a bitch I thought you were just exaggerating,” Damien huffs. (Name) pushed his salad towards him.

“Eat.”

“I am, I am,” Damien pouts.

“Okay, now that I’ve figured out an excuse not to get you killed, you’re still on thin ice, Dami. You have to stick with me from now on, no wandering off. And don’t try lying to the Queen, her ability is TruthSeek. It’s impossible to lie to her.”

“Ability?”

“Oh, right. Well, everyone in this world, or at least when we entered, gained something we call “Special Abilities,” basically they’re all unique things we can do. The Queen can tell if you’re lying, the King can cause all of your bones to crush in the snap of his fingers, and so on.”

“What’s your ability?”

“Confidential.”

“Why?”

“We’re in a public space,” (Name) shrugs.

“What about the Prince?”

“We call it SharpShot, but after a few demonstrations, Alex and I are thinking it’s something else. Basically, he is able to always hit his target. He could throw it the other way and it would still find its way to its destination. Alex theorizes that it has something to do about manipulation of space now, but we’re working on it,” (Name) rambles. “Now it’s your turn. How’d you get here?” It sounded more like a demand than a question.

“The morning after you came home, you left again, and for some reason no one remembered that you were ever really there. So I went out to look for you on my own. After that this man in a lab coat came up to me, told me where you were, and took me there.”

“He landed here with you.”

“No, just me.”

“Describe him some more.”

“Gray hair, tan vest, silver pocket watch—“

“Do you remember the watch’s engraving?”

“I do, but I can’t describe it.”

“Can you draw it?”

“Yeah.” Without wasting another second, (Name) grabbed a pen from her pocket and a napkin and handed it to him.

“Take your time.” (Name) drank her coffee as Damien scribbled away in front of her, but truth be told, as soon as he began to draw the head of a dragon she already knew. “The man who took you, his name is Kristoff Hargreeve. He’s the head scientist for Imperium, and also who Alex and I believe is orchestrating the daemon attacks. But I’m curious as to why he would bring you here to me, and not with him.”

“It would make more sense to use me as a hostage,” Damien adds in, (Name) nods curtly.

“Exactly. And it can’t be a distraction, even if I was away the rest of the Brigade are more than capable of handling the war,” (Name) leaned back on the back of the booth and stretched her legs out. “I’ll talk about it more with Alex when he gets back.”

“That name is familiar,” Damien mutters.

“Well you have heard it tossed around left and right,” (Name) chuckles, the annoyed look from Damien makes her laugh even louder. “Geez, kiddo, I’m just kidding. Yeah, he’s the same Alex who I used to penpal.”

“How do you know for sure?”

“He has the picture of me that I sent him, even with the note on the back. And it’s not weird, I have his too,” (Name) shrugs. “So we stuck together, it was easier to have a familiar face in a world of the unfamiliar.”

“Why didn’t you ever come home?” Damien asks. It was clear that they had the ability to traverse the different Earths, (Name) had a feeling the question was going to come up, but she had secretly prayed it didn’t.

“I didn’t want to.” Damien opens his mouth to argue, but is quickly cut off by yet another new face.

“(Name)! Thank god you’re okay!” The waitress bounded up to them and wrapped her arms around (Name). “I was afraid that I’d have to pay Tyler.”

“What?”

“We were betting on whether or not you’d make it back.”

“Oh fuck you two get out of here!”

“Pay up, bitch boy!” She looks over her shoulder at another waiter, Tyler, who rolled his eyes and pulled out a bill. The waitress slides in next to Damien. “This your secret kid, (Name)?”

“No, he’s my brother.”

“Oh my god, he is so adorable—“ the Waitress reaches out to pat his head but Damien catches her wrist before she could move another inch. “And now I see why he’s your brother. Hey, I’m Rebecca.”

“Damien.”

“(Name) and Damien Wayne, huh? Has a nice ring to it,” Rebecca smiles. Her eyes fall on the drawing in front of Damien and she straightens herself, she leans in and whispers only loud enough so that he and (Name) could hear.

“They’re pulling back their forces at Gronder.”

“What? Why would they do that? They have the upper hand,” (Name) mumbles.

“Me and Ty were wondering too, but according to Crys, a huge shipment of whatever was just delivered to their position. It was blue flagged too.”

“Living cargo,” (Name) mutters. “The entire East army is about to get wiped out.”

“If the King deploys you there I will not hesitate to rip his head off, (Name).”

“Please don’t do that.” (Name)’s lips draw a straight line. Then everything started to make sense, the pieces fell together, and Damien was able to pinpoint the exact moment (Name) realized that she had made a mistake.

Tag List:  @loxbbg @holymotherofchickennoodlesoup @ijustwannabecanadian@oneshots-galore @xapham @peqchynero @sono-sakana@theroyalbrownbarbie @audioshoes @allycat4458 @izzy28901 @buchanangaby @gabytodd

[kylosrehn]

Fitz, Aida, Jemma & Trip for the character thing!😃

Fitz:

general opinion: fall in a hole and die | don’t like them | eh | they’re fine I guess | like them! | love them | actual love of my life hotness level: get away from me | meh | neutral | theoretically hot but not my type | pretty hot | gorgeous! | 10/10 would bang (from like, mid s4 onwards, lol.)hogwarts house: gryffindor | slytherin | ravenclaw | hufflepuffbest quality: He always tries to see the best in people. Also, his resilience—he’s been through so much shit in his life but he’s never given up. worst quality: He backs down from arguments, even when he’s right, just to let certain people *cough* Jemma *cough* “win” for the sake of peace, to keep her happy and to prevent her from leaving again. He has critically low self-esteem and thinks he’s not good enough, even when it’s shown that he clearly is. Tends to do stupid/dangerous things in order to save others—jumping into random portals to weird alien planets, screaming at dangerous melting space rocks, etc. Look after yourself, dude!ship them with: Ophelia (in the Framework, or in a redemption team au scenario), Daisy.brotp them with: Jemma (I love them as a platonic friendship, but I never shipped them romantically, and I lowkey hate that they went there in canon and the way they went about it too), Hunter.needs to stay away from: His father, literally. misc. thoughts: He’s had the most significant character development out of all the characters on AOS, imo. I didn’t care about him all that much in the beginning, he didn’t have much depth beyond designated nerdy friend/tech designer/occasional comic relief, but he’s grown into one of the most brave, kind-hearted (and now also attractive and badass) characters on the show. Honestly, I’m mostly just sticking around for him. I think I’d have noped out of the show if it wasn’t for him. 

Aida:

(See, this is always hard, because I love Ophelia, but the actual android Aida in the first few eps, not so much. So, uh, I guess I’ll just do both? lol)

general opinion: fall in a hole and die | don’t like them | eh | they’re fine I guess (Aida) | like them! | love them (Oph) | actual love of my life hotness level: get away from me | meh | neutral | theoretically hot but not my type | pretty hot | gorgeous! | 10/10 would banghogwarts house: gryffindor | slytherin | ravenclaw | hufflepuffbest quality: She’s determined, and she’ll work towards her goal no matter what (lol, literally.) She has the capacity to see the error of her ways and want to change for the better (eventually surrenders the tablet to Fitz in the Framework, expressing her regret over her actions, saying that saving Mack was the best moment of her life, asking if the team will be able to forgive her, etc.) worst quality: Anger issues is an understatement, lol. Driven by vengeance. Needs to learn how to communicate better. Use your words, not your fists, girl, lol.ship them with: Fitz (again, in the Framework and in a redemption au scenario.)brotp them with: I always thought she’d get along well with May. They always had this…weird connection (plus, her “heart”/power source literally saved May’s life, that’s kinda special), she really seemed to care about May and her well-being and respect her. I think she admired her strength and resilience. Plus, she was in favor of keeping her alive, giving her a chance and potentially trying to rehabilitate her when the team were having a vote on what to do with her in 4x21. I would’ve loved to see May take on a mentor kind of role with Ophelia. I think Daisy could potentially warm to her, and maybe Elena and Mack would come around with time, too.needs to stay away from: Ghost Rider, lol. Also, the Superior, whose brilliant plan to get the Darkhold literally got her killed. Damn it, girl. lol.misc. thoughts: I think she deserved better. She had potential. I was 100% on board with a redemption arc for her (which seemed pretty likely until…that scene.) We’ve never had a villain-turned-team-member redemption arc, and I think it would’ve been really satisfying to watch her trying to navigate being human and working as part of a team unit. 

She wouldn’t even have to be romantically involved with anyone, I just wanted to see her struggling to adjust but being driven by this desire to repent and do good (she literally said she doesn’t want to hurt anyone again, and that saving Mack brought her joy, I mean, come on) and just learning to be human with the help of the team. Also, she was weirdly…on top of things after coming out of the Framework. There was a lot of telling, not showing (which, tbh, is a prevalent problem on this show.) She’d talk about all these emotions she was feeling, but at the same time she was so…I don’t know, graceful? lol. I kind of wanted to see her being all over the place, fascinated and a little overwhelmed by everything, all the sensations and the sudden ability to smell, touch, taste, etc. Aside from that one scene with the sand and water on the beach, we didn’t really get to see a lot of her actually experiencing things for that first time, which I think would’ve been quite fun to watch. 

Jemma:

general opinion: fall in a hole and die | don’t like them | eh | they’re fine I guess | like them! | love them | actual love of my life (this largely depends on what she’s doing/what season we’re talking about. For example, I liked her well enough in S1, her endless fascination with all the scientific/magical weirdness they encountered and her excited babbling was delightful. I still like her when she’s sciencing. But aside from that, she’s one of my least favourite characters, definitely out of the mains, and probably tied with Coulson. I just don’t like the way they’re writing her.)hotness level: get away from me | meh | neutral | theoretically hot but not my type | pretty hot | gorgeous! | 10/10 would banghogwarts house: gryffindor | slytherin | ravenclaw | hufflepuff (I think her love of science and constant desire to discover and understand the weird and wonderful are her defining traits; however, I see S3-onwards Jemma also having Slytherin qualities since she started developing hard edges and is often shown to be driven by the desire for personal vengeance—Hive, Aida, etc.)best quality: See above. Her fascination with science is downright delightful, and I always love those moments with her on the show.worst quality: She’s very domineering. She and Fitz aren’t exactly on equal footing in many instances—she has this need to “win” in some ways, like, “oh, you think you’ve had it bad? Well, I’ve had it worse” or “yeah, yeah, I don’t care what you say, I still proposed first”, stuff like that. It’s frustrating. Let him speak his mind, lol. She’s very Hermoine-esque in that sense.ship them with: No one, really. Or, well, that’s not true, but none of them are on the show/alive anymore, lol. I liked her dynamic with Ward in S1 (the way they balanced each other out but also somehow complimented each other, the soft scientist and the “unfeeling” built-like-a-house specialist) and then later on with Trip. Also, *controversial opinion*, Jemma/Will wasn’t all that bad. I mean, I wasn’t crazy about it (there really isn’t all that much to glean from just one episode, not for me anyway) but I don’t think it deserved the absolute outrage and flame-throwing hatred it got in the fandom. Then again, I never shipped FS romantically, lol, so all alternate pairings are more than welcome in my book.brotp them with: Fitz and Daisyneeds to stay away from: Monoliths, lol.misc. thoughts: I think part of my problem with Jemma’s character (aside from the writing) is fandom’s reaction to her. I don’t know, I just find that *some* people have the tendency to put her on this imaginary pedestal and praise her for every little thing she does, acting like she’s some saintly martyr or something. In the eyes of the fandom, she can do no wrong. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a complaint or any sort of constructive criticism about her character (in the public posts anyway), and that’s so frustrating. Of course she’s got flaws. They all do. But idk people just tend to think she’s this ever-suffering, Holy Mother type of character, all the time, no matter what. It’s like, yes, you can be critical of your fave and still have them be your baby. 

Trip:

general opinion: fall in a hole and die | don’t like them | eh | they’re fine I guess | like them! | love them | actual love of my life hotness level: get away from me | meh | neutral | theoretically hot but not my type | pretty hot | gorgeous! | 10/10 would banghogwarts house: gryffindor | slytherin | ravenclaw | hufflepuffbest quality: Kindness, loyalty and bravery. Also this easy, almost effortless kind of chemistry he had with the team. They all lit up a little bit whenever he walked into the room, and happiness is something they always need and never get enough of. Like a portable sunshine, lol.worst quality: I don’t want to say selflessness like it’s a bad thing but…I mean, you probably shouldn’t touch weird smoking crystals of unknown (and suspected alien) origin, right? Naivety, maybe? A little bit?ship them with: Jemma, mostly, I think. I know TripSkye is pretty big in the fandom, but I always saw it as a more platonic, big-brother type of thing, whereas there was definitely some flirting going on with Simmons, imo. She wasn’t exactly shy about fancying him, lol.brotp them with: Skye and Fitz (they deserved more scenes together, seriously.)needs to stay away from: Terrigen, lol. misc. thoughts: I liked him, he was a very positive character, but he wasn’t around enough for me to develop an opinion beyond that. Like, he virtually had no flaws, or, well, he was never shown to have any in the time that he was on screen anyway. That’s…never realistic, really. We don’t really know much about him aside from the fact that Garrett was his S.O., that his friend died because of the Clairvoyant/Garrett crap some time before canon, that his mother is alive, and that his grandfather was a Howling Commando. So, not much backstory. I mean, they don’t even bother to expand on the backstories of their existing mains, but still, I would’ve liked to know more about him. That way, you get more attached, you can relate to them more, and it hurts that much more when they kill them off, lol.

[viralhottopics]

After 5 Years Of Relying On Medication, I Can Finally Sleep

Its been a long time since Ive written anything. And while my intentions were to blog every fortnight, this post has been extremely tough to write. For once I found it quite difficult to articulate my feelings and experiences, because of the personal nature of what I’m about to tell you.

A few weeks ago, I found myself chatting to one of my new friends, who is also an amazing business coach and mentor. He asked me how things were going aside from business, how are you feeling, just in general?. I thought about it and said, did you know, this is the first time in five years that Ive been able to sleep without taking a pill?

Insomnia has been affecting my ability to sleep properly since late 2010. It was kicked off by a freak hockey ball to the head incident, which then transpired into mental health problems (thanks, brain). Around 1 in 3 people have or have had some degree of insomnia in their lives. For an unlucky few (like me) insomnia is/was chronic. If youre one of them and are reading this, know that its okay, there IS a way out.

Back in 2010 I got a wild smack to the forehead from a fast flying hockey ball, I was briefly knocked out and I opened my eyes not even realizing what had happened, but bizarrely, I was laughing! It wasnt until I felt the huge lump on my head that it suddenly hit me (hah, pun intended). Soon after this, I had developed intense trouble sleeping and experienced extreme headaches and photophobia.

In my traditional headstrong fashion I refused to go to the doctor, that was a bad decision. Months later things seemed to be getting worse in my head space. After seeing a bunch of specialists and getting an MRI and all that, it was concluded that I had Post Concussion Syndrome (a minor form of traumatic brain injury).

Because of this, my health took a drastic downward spiral. I was lethargic, had constant headaches, was depressed, irritated, and slightly delusional. The doctors prescribed me dozens of painkillers to cope. I was studying a BMA at the time, and working so I could afford to live out of home and life spun out of my control. The brain does crazy things when it experiences trauma, and for a long long time I was not myself.

I was enrolled in a national head injury study. They interviewed me about the events and my experiences, then they interviewed some of my friends and family. Every six months my reaction time and short-term memory were tested, as well as my mood and general quality of life. It took almost two years for me to get back to normal. I dont know why it was such a long time, perhaps some people are more susceptible to these kinds of things. A lot of people in my family battle with mental illnesses. But even when I was feeling better, I still had to rely on medication to sleep.

Luckily for me, my doctors had refused to give me traditional sleeping pills such as Zopiclone, because of their addictive qualities. That was fine by me, I never intended to be stuck taking pills before bed. But no matter how hard I tried, I couldnt survive without them. At first it was Amitriptyline, a drug in high doses used to treat depression, but I was on it for headaches and as a muscle relaxant.

Sometime after I finished my degree in late 2012, I changed doctors due to not having access to the medical center on campus. My new doctor tried to wean me off taking the medication, I was all in. But it just didnt work. I went back to him after slowly reducing my intake at his guidance and tried a few months without anything. In mid-2013 I had more responsibility with my job which added some stress, and without any pills before bed I was getting between 1 and 5 hours sleep a night. I got sick a lot, gained a lot of weight, my mood was unstable, and I was quickly becoming very unhappy.

So I went back to my doctor, I was attempting to tell him that I still havent been able to sleep but I sat there crying in his office because I was just so exhausted and frustrated. I just wanted sleep. He recommended putting me through a sleep study and to see a sleep therapist, but this wasnt subsidized and I wasnt financially able to pay for such expensive tests (startup wages, am I right?). So, I opted for the easier just for now option. We tried something new, Quetiapine, an antipsychotic drug which in high doses is used to treat people who are bipolar or schizophrenic. I didnt get a large dose, only small enough to help me sleep. But even then I woke up every morning with a drug hangover and it took me hours every day before I could feel completely awake.

I lived like this for a long time, always having to take a pill before bed. Sometimes that didnt even work. I vividly remember how I felt after a huge hike over NZs Tongariro Crossing and then the 2-hour drive home. I was so tired, so exhausted after that I could hardly eat. I was thinking surely, surely I am this tired I must be able to sleep. But then as soon as my head hit the pillow my mind became awake, overactive and as much as I tried, I couldnt settle it down. A few hours later I begrudgingly got up and gulped down that damn pill, desperate for the relief of sleep.

This is when I started researching sleeping techniques. Over the past year and a half I have tried everything; yoga, meditation, walks in the evening, less coffee, less sugar, evening protein, writing down to-do lists and thoughts in a journal beside my bed, sleep tea, calm tea, chamomile tea, peppermint tea, Chinese herbs, sleep drops, lavender under my pillow, hops under my pillow, sleep apps with meditation, hypnosis, screen dimmers, installing Flux on my computer, melatonin, no screens (mobile, TV, Computer) two hours before bed, non-fictional reading before bed, homeopathy just everything.

Sometimes it would help, Id feel sleepy, try to drift off, then all of a sudden my mind would wake, even though Id be so so physically tired. I didnt know it was possible to feel so exhausted and awake at the same time. So I would carry on using my little pills to sleep and feeling hungover in the morning. I hated it, I never truly felt awake in all that time. And if I ever went somewhere and forgot my pills Id always get restless nights with little or no sleep.

A lot of time went past, living like this. After deciding to leave Hamilton to travel, I ended up in Perth, Australia. By the time I got here my little box of magic sleeping pills from New Zealand had run out. I attempted fate once more and tried to cold turkey my way to sleep. It really wasnt working out for me. The smallest noise, a single thought, any slight disturbance would set me off and my mind would begin racing once more. No matter what I did, I just couldnt sleep. There is nothing worse or more hopeless than the feeling of wanting and needing sleep so badly but you just cant get there and you realize your own mind is the only barrier to falling asleep. I remember thinking, how hopeless am I that I cant even perform the simple human function of sleeping?.

The one good thing that came out of these few weeks was my deep inner search for a reason. I didnt feel like my head injury was the cause of not being able to sleep, it just seemed like some sort of instigator. Im not going to share the details, but what I realized was that I had become afraid of sleep, and everything else was just an excuse.

I ended up seeing a wonderful doctor here who prescribed me some medication to sleep again and referred me to a counselor who specialized in sleep therapy. I gladly took the medication and debated whether I was ready for a counselor. I wanted to overcome my insomnia on my own (I had only just started acknowledging that this is really what I had), but sometimes you cant do everything on your own, sometimes you need to accept that you need a bit of a helping hand. And this is what I did.

The first session with my counselor was amazing. She knew what had happened without me having to say much, she said it and I sat there and cried. I cried as years of pent up emotion and holding back just escaped from me and it was so relieving. Her theory was I had developed an unconscious fear of sleeping because I lose control over myself and have to give in to the environment around me. I didnt feel . Of course, I knew logically that I was safe, but there was a deep fear within me that I had never let go of, a blocked memory; trauma. It had nothing to do with my head injury, that was a catalyst, as well as some other events that happened between then and now.

And so started my road to recovery. I went to the counselor once a fortnight. We didnt just talk about sleeping, we talked about a lot and it was really nice. I finally found an app that helped ease me into the sleeping mind-frame, Pzizz. Every morning within half an hour of waking up I get at least an hour of exercise outside. If not, I try to sit in the sun for 20 minutes or be active in some other way. I dont drink coffee after 3pm and limit myself to two a day (on bad days). I dont have much processed sugar, I write to-do lists every day in my diary so I dont lie in bed and think about everything I have to remember to do tomorrow. My bedroom has become an area for sleep every time I watch something on my laptop in bed it affects the amount and quality of sleep I get, so Ive stopped doing that.

Routines are also very important I do the same thing before bed every night. I also try to stick to the same hours, but Im still learning to sleep so I havent been using an alarm, just trying to slowly get back into the right rhythm. Right now I usually fall asleep between 12am, wake up at about 6, then go back to sleep until 9 or 10. Its not the pattern I love, and I still have many days where some nights are better than others, but Im getting there, Im improving and Im not giving up.

My mood has become better, my skin clearer, Im no longer getting sick every few weeks and my focus levels are at an all-time high. I still have a lot of work to do, but for the first time in over four years I can sleep without medication, and it feels so damn good.

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