#let me sleep i am begging you

[forestofforever]

So my throat has been bothering me for a week now and that also means I haven't been able to sleep properly since it's started. I also currently have a nasty IBS flareup. I hope the pain of the IBS which also makes me tired as hell overpowers the annoying fact that I can't swallow properly and will in turn allow me to sleep like the dead.

[chumbyy]

self-portrait

[fearandhatred]

to rome: a play by fearandhatred

(5k words, 1/1 chapters)

While trying to tempt Caligula, Crowley makes a discovery that renders all his efforts for naught. But then it turns out that Aziraphale is here too, so maybe his trip to Rome isn't wasted after all.

***highly recommended to read on a phone because of the Multiplicity Of Line Breaks that just look very weird on a laptop unless your font size is huge

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i've always loved the idea of crowley falling in love with aziraphale in rome. in some ways it really is my roman empire so i figured i might as well make it happen! featuring many shenanigans and an annoying emperor :)

any and all support is greatly appreciated <3

anyway it all started with a dream:

so this is for @eybefioro @captainblou @crowleys-bentley-and-plants who challenged me to write a fic with no angst and also, coincidentally, for that one commenter who asked me on the same day if i would consider writing something happy for once. against all odds and with much difficulty, i have done it. love u guys sm <333

[satorisoup]

people will think im ordinary until they say one (1) thing about tmnt and all of a sudden im explaining the entire lore starting from the 1990’s movie & why donatello is the best turtle i fear… T^T

tag limit fights me… i must yap… please listen… SOB </3

[yujeong]

potential smut prompt: (as sexual or nonsexual as you like) vegaspete eating food off of each other. it's on brand, c'mon ;)

Hello anon! Again, apologies for the delay in answering this ask, as well as answering the two you sent me backwards, but I was a bit stuck on this one: the idea you gave me is one of my favourites actually, but it was difficult to... express in writing form (the mental images it caused me were very vivid for some reason though lmao). I hope you enjoy this very weird concept and snippet ❤️ I'm sorry if it isn't exactly what you meant when you sent it to me. CW: handjob, unadvised use of ice cream -------------------------------------------------------------------------- It was something that should be giving Vegas joy. Instead, it only brought him irritation. "Why do you always eat Macau's leftovers?" The sun was almost hidden, casting hues of orange and red on their exposed bodies. The temperature was high but a gentle wind was blowing, a pleasant change to the previous days spent at Pete's hometown. Pete licked the ice cream twice before replying. "Why not? I like this flavor." "You're not his fucking dog!" Vegas had clearly been sitting on the wooden dock for too long; that must be the reason he was acting like a child right now. Pete grew rigid before he relaxed again next to him, continuing to eat his treat seemingly without care, letting it melt all over his fingers. "You made a mess of yourself," Vegas said then, grabbing Pete's wrist to bring the cone closer to his mouth. He licked Pete's index finger clean in a hurry, before the drop of vanilla could go lower, and that was when he realized the change. He felt Pete suck in a shallow breath before he heard it. He lifted his gaze to see Pete's eyes focused on him, his lips parted, his pupils dilated. He was too easy to read sometimes. Vegas couldn't help but smirk as he continued; he moved on to Pete's middle finger, then his ring finger, then his pinky, slowly, interchanging between using his lips and his tongue, savoring the taste of sugar and Pete's skin, staring at Pete's expression crumbling under his desire the whole time. The desire for more. Vegas would never deny him. With his right hand being free, he swiftly grabbed Pete's dick under his swimsuit, bathing in the delight of finding him half-hard already. "Vegas..." "The sun is almost down. We won't be seen." It wasn't a certainty and both of them knew it, but Vegas didn't really care. All that was important right now was giving Pete what he craved. He could have jerked Pete off dry just fine - they'd done that before plenty of times - but something about that ice cream melting all over Pete was tantalizing. It made Vegas want it to cover more than just Pete's hand. "Let's use some of that," he told Pete who blinked in confusion, whose mouth opened even more when he figured out what Vegas was doing with his palm, before he shoved it under his swimsuit again. Pete came quickly after a couple of strokes, panting and smiling and laughing at Vegas who was starting to feel a little gross with the mess he'd made. "It's your fault for being a clumsy eater," Vegas said, unable to drop his own smile. He was feeling good. His body hadn't betrayed him yet; the beach was right there for them to clean themselves up later if they wanted to. For now, he was content kissing Pete breathless as he dropped the rest of the ice cream and became very eager to return the favor.

[ocularmacdown]

my dtamhd thoughts? oh, why thank you for asking! yeah, i only have a few, but uhh- *drops a towering stack of papers in front of you on the desk*

i really, really liked this episode. maybe it’s because i wasn’t going into it with set expectations or hopes, maybe it’s because dennis is not my number one blorbo and so his development is more fascinating to me rather than a personal/emotional investment. either way, to me this episode was a fucking winner and i have so many thoughts that haven’t even formulated yet. the writing is incredibly well-paced, subtle enough that the twist is not immediately obvious, yet explicit enough that watching it a second time, the clues are right in front of you the whole time. it’s fucking clever, and for me personally, it does justice to dennis’s very specific brand of mental health issues/neurodiversities/trauma/etc etc.

first of all, i’ve seen people saying they’re disappointed, that they wanted to see dennis fall to his knees or scream himself hoarse or crawl into mac’s arms with his tail between his legs. but…,..like.,..i mean..,,,.he literally tore a man’s heart out of his chest? and then crushed it with so much force that it becomes a diamond? and then he ATE it? with blood running down his arms and the sun haloing him and the watch on his arm lit up red for “danger, you’re in danger, you’re a danger to yourself”? that is so explicit and so raw and so powerful. me personally i am chewing through concrete slabs.

he takes his heart - his core, his feelings, his very self - and controls it so fiercely, so violently, just so that it might be something of worth. something precious and valued and beautiful and rare. and what forms diamonds, pointed out in this exact episode? coal. objectively seen as cheap, and worthless, and nothing much at all. dennis’s heart is coal, to him. fuel to a fire of rage. so he tries to make it something better. not by nurturing it, tending to it like a garden.

instead he crushes it.

and then he eats it.

i don’t know what else you could want tbh.

i’ve also seen people say that it wasn’t an accurate depiction of mental health issues? i don’t even know what to say to that like. are you yourself dennis reynolds? are actually him, down to a T?? or are you a totally different person with different life experiences and brain functions and trauma and personality and expression of self?

characters are not made to reflect individual people and their experiences - they are separate from us, and us from them. we can look to them to find similarities, but they can only be as relatable to us as we are to everyone around us. this episode is quite literally an insight into the fact that actually, dennis doesn’t show his rage, or any of his feelings, and the way that he experiences his emotions is wholly and totally different from others. sure, he allows outbursts over minor things - sounds that irritate him, insults against his car, women as a concept, all the fucking apps - but nothing that really, truly matters. it’s about control. control, control, control. a grasp on his anger so so tight it’s a vacuum, a cavern of pressure.

maybe your experience of mental health is totally different to that, and i sympathise that not seeing yourself reflected on screen can be and is frustrating. but. if i may overshare a touch on tumblr dot com, oversharing central, then..,,..he just like me fr fr.

as someone who has never related to dennis reynolds at all in the history of the show and is different to him in every objective way, this episode got me. i felt seen. it’s not about mental health as huge outbursts that everyone sees and sympathises with, not all the time. it’s not about sadness or pain or misery, not all the time.

it can be about anger. anger as an emotion you can feel so intrinsically and powerfully. anger that you don’t understand and you shouldn’t be able to control because it’s so fucking strong. but you do you do you do. because you just have to. there’s no rational reason behind it; you’re just angry and you just don’t show it. not when it really matters, anyway. you have a moment of private catharsis, deep inside yourself, an upwelling of frustration and rage that feels like a day but you quench in seconds. and then you move on.

so yes, it’s an accurate depiction of mental health, and i’m not elaborating further than that. i imagine someone else *cough @sewerkingcharlie cough* could probably go into dennis’s psycho-demographic and history and how that effects his mental health far better than i ever could anyway.

me personally, i am. obsessed with the insane surrealist route they went down. expressions of deep emotional pain are only understandable via sobbing breakdowns if you have no critical media skills or appreciation of several major art movements of the last hundred years. once again, he tore out his heart and crushed it into something else with his own fist and then ate it.

looking at the journey the episode takes as a whole, it’s so so incredibly fucking clever. it’s set up as though it’s a journey narrative that will end with a big emotional expression a la mac finds his pride or the gang carries a corpse; it’s pretty much what we all expected, i think, to be able to observe dennis and his inner emotions at a closer range, from one side of a two way mirror.

but during that insane scene, we are actually allowed inside his head - not just an observation into his mind through the lens of spectatorship study, but into dennis’s broken perception of reality, from his point of view, intra-diegetic. we are inside his head looking at everything around us, trapped in the laboratory of his mind. is not the clean cut, easy-to-analyse narrative and visuals we saw before of dennis getting more and more frustrated until his breaking point; the world in his mind has twisted and deformed into one that no longer makes sense to us the spectator, but does make sense for him, for dennis.

mac and charlie were able to express their emotions outwardly with another person present. they were grounded in reality because that is how they experience emotions of that level and intensity. that is by no means to say that what they felt in those moments are is any less intense or extreme or soul crushing as dennis, only that they experience both their inner emotions and the world around them in different ways to him.

dennis internalises as much as he possibly can, pouring into himself rather than out. he can only hold so much, the pressure builds, his insides contort and shift to make room, he keeps pouring.

his innards no longer makes sense.

his feelings are physical, they’re his organs, and they’re worth something, worth so much, but they’re simultaneously just the food he consumes.

he consumes, he internalises, everything’s within him.

he was never going to have an emotional outburst. that’s not his catharsis; it would change him too much fundamentally.

everything channels inwards. it’s too much but at least it stays inside. even his breakdowns happen within. he keeps the lid of the pressure cooker on.

Dennis Does Not Take A Mental Health Day.

[baeshijima]

JINGLIU 1.4 DRIP ?!!2£2):)8:)2)&292

YES MY QUEEN 🧎‍♀️🙇‍♀️

[skullamity]

So, a few weeks ago I fucked up my calf by wearing sandals and doing a bunch of errands in them. I guess I changed the way I walked in an attempt to keep them from falling off every time I took a step in a way that lead to me pulling something. Now, I have had a bad knee since highschool and just my luck that this is the same leg. I went to sleep with it being mildly uncomfortable, and woke up feeling like I'd been stabbed.

I took it easy for a few days and it got much better, and I got it down to the point where only my knee hurt. As of yesterday things were looking up!

Aaand then I woke up this morning back at square one because I rolled over in my sleep last night and then slept on top of it at a weird angle all night.

I am getting tired of not being able to do much more than shamble around my house, stairs are a nightmare, and I am tired of feeling like I am being stabbed for the crime of wanting to walk evne just a few feet. I have found so far that the best scenario for resting this stupid leg is sleeping on my back, which I generally cannot do, SO, I am spending the night sleeping on one end of our recliner couch with my legs on a pillow on the leg rest, in a semi-sitting position so I don't wake the whole house up snoring. Fingers crossed that this helps at all, I want to be a functional human being agian. :(

[wanderershu]

If jingyuan leaves for a vacation or something in a future update I won't mind it at all. If anything, I'll celebrate it and will be more than glad to know that he's getting a well deserved rest since this man needs it so much.

[daybreakrising]

i have done a fair bit of writing today. i caved and posted two of them instead of saving them but i intend to save up the rest for a while. maybe-

and since one of these dogs gets up at 5am i am making the wise decision to start winding down for the night now, so i will be lurking for a while until i hopefully sleep

[candyriku]

finally getting a chance to work on chapter 15 today :-)

[resolutepath]

[ pat, for achi ] “Do you want to go back to sleep, or shall I make you a cup of tea?”

"...tea, if you don't mind. I won't sleep again."

It is still strange, occupying the same space as Patroclus, but not unwanted. Achilles had, after all, spent the time since they parted on an excursion of grief, roaming the cosmos for any sign that he might find his lover again, so to be by his side now has not yet become comfortable. He'd only been here because they had spoken for long enough for the light to wane and the night to arrive, offered space to rest rather than trekking back to the Silvermane barracks where he had been put up by the captain.

He rises from sweat ridden sheets and pushes his hair off his face, rubbing palms against eyes as if it might ease the fitful pace of his heart. It's his penance, he knows, the consequences of his own actions, but it does not make it any easier to see his face in his sleep, to be reminded of all the terrible things he had done. The desecration and destruction that he had left in his wake, wishing the world would be left in ashes so he might feel comfortable standing upon it again.

"Did I wake you?" he asks, softly, his words only emphasising how drained he felt, the tone depleted of all lustre, more so than usual. Was I screaming? Is the question he wants to ask but refrains. Sometimes it is best to not know what words fell from his lips in his sleep. He's certain that some of them might undo the tentative repairs that have been made between them otherwise.

He drops his hands then, making himself move, if only to distract himself from what he had seen, even if all he desires to do is fall back into the sheets and bury himself away. A pace he starts up, counting each step in his head, only pausing when he sees the other holding the steaming cup out as an offering.

[i-hid-lucifers-ducks]

International Asexuality Day… and how I watched Wednesday instead of remembering to finish a doodle of asexual Alastor…

Hello my one follower and anyone else who sees this! I understand that, due to just posting for the first time not too long ago, I have yet to post anything else. Not for much longer! It is International Asexuality Day (IAD) today and I was going to post a silly little doodle of our little aroace icon ALASTOR!!

Unfortunately I got busy… Wellll technically I got to watching Wednesday because my friend begged me to watch it, but THAT’S NOT THE POINT. The point IS that I did not finish the doodle. I will hopefully (and most-likely) be throwing it into the terrifying abyss that is Tumblr tomorrow. Have a lovely day/night my dears! 🙂

[izzy-b-hands]

My doctor messaging me at 12:30 in the morning to tell me she wants to do a telehealth visit abt the side effects I'm having with my new Lamotrigine dose (including worse insomnia than my usual insomnia, as u may have guessed lmao) is. something.

[iguessitsjustme]

I haven't slept in 3 days. Perhaps the second giant coffee at lunch was a bad idea. Looks like I'm heading into day 4! Someone yell at me to go to bed if you see me still lurking in an hour.

[sometimes-sleeby-octopus]

I hyperfixated on a multi-part fanfic series and just read about 60,000 words total FUCK I’VE HYPER-FIXATED INTO THE SUN DAMNIT I WAS SUPPOSED TO GO TO BED TWO HOURS AGO BECAUSE I WAS TIRED AND NOW IM AWAKE DAMNIT DAMNIT DAMNIT