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savnofilter · 4 years

Text

Kinktober Day 9

Natsuo ➷ Midoriya ➷ Kirishima ➷ Fatgum ➷ Shinso ➷ Tamaki ➷ Todoroki ➷ Bakugo ➷ Shindo ➷ Giran ➷ Dabi ➷ Shigaraki ➷ All For One

☠️ warning(s): ⚠️ everything between both parties is consensual. ⚠️ 𝕤𝕠𝕞𝕟𝕠𝕡𝕙𝕚𝕝𝕚𝕒, con/dubcon.

☠️ genre: smut, holiday special.

☠️ words: 260+ [about one minute each].

☠️ read more: kinktober(uary)

☠️ summary: instead of the original fic idea, i swapped it out with somnophilia hcs,,, enjoy.

Natsuo (x)

giving:

wellllll since i dont know much about him i dont feel like he’s really into it. Up to your choices tbh.

feel like once on a blue moon he’ll wake up and decide he wants his dick in you like a thermometer or just finger you until you wake up.

isnt really something you guys discussed, he kinda just admired how beautiful you are.

if hes ever feeling freaky-deaky mayhaps he’ll eat you out,,,

he fucking loves it when you reciprocate his touches, it urges him to continue and tease you more.

honestly just being able to pleasure you himself is what gets him rock hard, he doesnt even want anything in return he just wants to hear your sighs and moans.

natsuo's first just cause ion feel like it's something he does every day, more like once in a while just to tease you~

receiving:

to dooont talk about receiving --, hes a sucker for waking up with his pp in your mouth. 🤭

he likes to flex it when it's in, pushing you just a little lower just to hear you gag a bit.

"Sorry babe, couldn't help myself~"

…. well thats aight with me-

isnt big on full-on making you choke on him but if you wake him with the glawk glawk 3000 he’ll have a brighter day.

hes a Todoroki so just know he has the gene being a sadistic teaser.

if you wake him up with cock warming he will literally marry you while he destroys your guts.

he likes somnophilia 11/10.

Midoriya (x, x)

giving:

Midoriya is mostly timid, already having the consent talk between you two but hes still nervous.

oftentimes he just grinds up against you and keeps you close, but sometimes his hands do wander in other places.

when he first starts to experiment, he likes to soft kiss your neck and rubs his hips against you softly.

he might squeeze your breasts here and there to tease you, hands snaking under your shirt to feel your warm skin against his calloused and strong hands.

like headcanon before, Midoriya doesnt like to do penetration until he knows he has your full-on consent.

hes sweet but dont expect him to go full on soft with you lol.

forbiddddddd Midoriya chooses oral because this boi will go for how long it takes his tongue to get tired.

and thats not very easy.

he loves to admire your body so most often he does it out of the,,, love he has. 🥴

and hes a closet perv too.

receiving:

if you give it to him -- instant NUT. no cap.

he'll be like "H-Honey" and then tense up and just nut.

but ofc being the good s/o you are, you still continue because youre a good s/o like that.

bonus points if you treat him like hes a dirty perv for liking it, also gets on his subside if you really wanna degrade him too.

some times when hes awake enough he can have the dom energy but most times her cant help but be a pillow prince for you~~

and he doesnt mind either. he enjoys it. there's something down inside him that just helps him sleep at night that you use him for your pleasure and his.

there's just a whole lot to unwrap here. ;)

Kirishima (x)

giving:

hm.

to place Kirishima in third being hes the type to stay up like an hour after youve fallen asleep and stick his cock in you so he can feel you grind up against every few times throughout the night.

gives you a few encouraging thrusts before he does fall asleep just to give your body a bit of a head start.

wraps his arms around your waist to ensure you cant escape him. 😳

of course since he is like this, somnophilia has been discussed between you two so he's not on full on creep mode.

sometimes he'll wake you up by just pounding into you at full send.

likes to tease sensitive parts of your body just to get you to wake up,,, bites marks littered on your skin as well.

hes careless and the only thing he is really focused on is? hes not sure. he just know he fucking loves doing it with you too.

best part is when he records and then faps to the footage later-

but what can he do, he likes to cherish every moment you two share ~

receiving:

oh please wake him up like that.

he has no qualms if its him in your mouth or you taking him inside you he just wants it.

when you wake up him like that he honestly feels like maybe there is someone up there.

is such a moaner.

he likes it when youre a little rough too, cant help but be a masochist when he wakes up smh.

if you ride him please let him choke on your fingers -- better yet have your ass face his direction so he can do whatever he wants with your lower parts as well.

even when you are giving he still wants to reciprocate as well, he loves to have your pleasured whenever you two get busy.

most times when you engage in somnophilia it has to be days when he has off. why? he might just go all day.

pleasure him, but do it wisely. 🤧

Fat gum (x)

giving:

taishiro is the type of guy to like put his dick in your mouth lol.

not even like get you slicked up or anything, just cock in mouth.

probably gets you semi undressed before he gropes you like a creep, getting his cock hard before opening your sleeping mouth and slipping his dick into your mouth.

makes you choke on his cock to wake you up, enjoying it when you dont have time to hide your gag reflex and watch as you try and get use to his tip pressing at the back of your throat.

half of the time, taishiro doesnt even wake you up. he plays with you just to get you wet and stinky.

sometimes he diddles himself and cums on you just to have you confused when you wake up.

honestly beats Midoriya at being a closet pervert, but does he really try to hide it?

receiving:

hmmmmmm

he doesnt really care to receive it.

sure it's a very nice surprise to wake up to but he prefers it when hes the one playing with you.

likes it better if youre taking him with one of your lower holes just because he already has enough experience with your mouth wrapped around his cock.

if riding him manages to wake him up, teasing him wont go on for any longer. he has no choice but to take over and just ran your brains out.

when hes done flipping the script and you both are satisfied you more out of shape than him, he'll be like,

"Welp, crepe for breakfast?"

Shinso (x)

giving:

oral central

i cant think of shinso having his ding-ding be the first thing to tease you when you wake up with fingers and oral. no and's, no but's.

he doesnt like to rush you up on waking up, more with the smooth process and it isnt really doing it for a reaction.

he just wants to toy with you.

honestly, like fat gum he does it so youre usually in a confused state when you wake up. horny but not knowing why and knowing full-well you didnt have a wet dream either.

its not until a few more times of him doing it is when you realize it's his doing and that in itself has you in a blushing mess.

not expecting that from him at all but not complaining. 😳

sometimes you dress just a little provocatively just to inspire him~

receiving:

if you dont wake him up with his cock in your mouth hes gonna have a bad day. >:(

jk, he respecs wamen.

deadass do it once and he might just marry you.

if youre doing a little under par from what you usually do, he'll just have to nudge yah a lil, push you on, use his quirk.

"Fuck -- just like that kitten~"

WELL DAMN IF YOU DIDNT WANT TO SUCK THE SOUL OUT OF HIM ALREADY-

he doesnt really care if you wake him up like that, much appreciated but he doesnt really care.

i mean if you do, just get ready for an early morning of face fucking… just saying.

Tamaki (x)

giving:

yall aint ready for this one.

some people may say, 'aw tamaki would wake up s/o and just cuddle her to death uwu<3", while yes he will, dont underestimate him.

to think of him in somnophilia is where we break the closet pervert ends.

hes more of like, i really like my dick and i really like you so i’ll just go on and fuck you awake.

theres on lead up or anything, he’ll full on give you brain or just fuck you as if you are awake, apologising profusely once you do wake up.

“I-I’m s-sorry to wake you like this… I couldn’t help myself…”

he’ll never fully use quirk on you while you sleep though. thats a big nope from him.

when he sexs you up he wants it to be fully him… and only him.

(i mean its his quirk from him -- but you get the point!)

CEO of going till ya numb.

his favorite his sticking his dick into you and rutting into you like a dog in a rut.

definitely is a groper. cannot and will not convince me otherwise.

he just really loves it when you moan out for him and make cute noises~ its all he needs to start off for a good day.

receiving:

well, it definitely is a pleasant surprise.

doesnt affect him like he does when he wakes you up but he appreciates your efforts.

most times when hes conscience enough he’ll just take over as if you werent trying to surprise him before.

honestly if youre looking for an early pounding thats the best time and way to get him into action.

since he sees it as teasing he cant help but have to pay you back.

he’ll be straight up clapping dem cheeks and he’ll just be like “you feel so fucking good” with the nicest sounding moan anyone can mumble into your ear.

yeah…. I encourage doing it to him.

gets him nice and possessive giving you both a good time while he can live out his lil dom fantasies for the day.

//win win.

Todoroki (x, x)

receiving:

hes like a blushing mess.

if you couldnt see him as a sub before, well get ready for this.

catch him off guard and guarantee youll get a completely different Shouto.

he turns into a full on pillow prince, with no shame. As long as you focus on getting him off he’ll let you do what he wants.

if you especially focus on his soft spots that dont have to do with his nipples or the third leg between his legs that when youll get him puddy under your hands.

“Y-Y/N..~”

well shit, say your name like that and he might make you revert submissive behaviour too.

you treat him like a perfect lil’ prince whenever he does, wanting to pamper him anyways.

on a rare chance could you spark him into flipping the tables but thats more on a random occurrence more than anything.

note to self: sub Sho? surprise him.. ✍️

Bakugo (x, x)

giving:

this one is kindaaaa tricky.

now, Katsuki wont do it often. but when he does it, he does it with uhh,,,, passion. if you would like to call it that.

he mimics all the spots you loved to be touched when youre awake just to see how long it takes for your body to wake up and realize that hes playing with you.

calculated in his actions, obviously. hes not some idiot who rushes, everything he does is precise whether or not you know it.

because of this, being able to please you is easy so his clear motive? not very sure….

maybe it's to see you squirm and wake up? mayhaps to see what pure pleasure looks like written over your face. who knows, all you knew is that he always had a smug look on his face when he was able to make you cum by the end of it.

thats if…. he let you that is.

receiving:

sort of like Todoroki, you may just get him to be the whole bottom in the term, "power bottom".

tries to hold in moans and groans but usually fails which makes him sooooo frustrated.

if he gets too flustered he'll make you stop and give whatever you have him by tenfold.

brace yourself for a long and bumpy ride, you may have to do it on days he isnt going to work that day because he'll sure rock you out of this world.

best if done on holidays as well, itll leave you walking a lil awkward for a few days.

and of course, that isnt okay for being on the job is it?

Shindo (x)

giving:

ddjhvbjhvb

hes this high on the list for a reason.

ongggggggg he’ll tease the ever living shit out of you until he gets bored or decides youve earned it.

damn snarky wont even prep your body or anything, just straight out the cut uses his quirk just to get your senses all riled up.

does everything on the scale of full on senses to just barely touching you.

his teasing always wakes you up into a confused state that is wanting to more, shamelessly begging for him to continue.

he carries great pride in taking responsibility in getting you like this. but dont be mistakened! he will not go easier on you just because you woke up.

you had only just felt the pre-course to the real action~

buckle up, kitten.

receiving:

nope. if youre going to take advantage of him, he wants to fully aware.

… for sadistic reasons more than consensual.

Giran (x)

giving:

this old fucking man.

likes to sneak in and just feel you up good.

of course he doesnt want through his back out so yknow- im just kidding.

giran will go to town if he has to.

but most times, the old fart just loves to, "make love" to his darling.

calls you sweet petnames in your ear as you sleep, just so you can dream about you too.

he knows how to tease and play with you. he can finish the job without even so much as stirring you awake.

hes studied you long enough and has played with you enough to make you finish as well.

it's magic honestly, and his best part is leaving you with the mess between your legs and nothing but confusion written all over your face.

how could he know that's your reaction although he leaves before you can wake up?

simple. hes always has his ways~

receiving:

the few rare times he let's you into his humble abode is when you decide to treat him.

really adament of sucking him off to wake him up just to see his early morning smile.

him rewarding you with giving you the same treatment or dirty praise is all you need before you leave and act as if you werent sleeping around with a villain recruiter and his #1 sugar baby for that matter.

when you surprise him in his study is the real kicker.

youve been under his desk many times to be familiar with the spot and assume the position.

you usually bring up breakfast or dinner (whichever time you arrive) and wake him up in the good way that motivates him to continue on with his stressful job.

surely, he can never thank you enough. if it wasnt for your efforts, he wouldnt know how to deal with himself~

Dabi (x, x)

giving:

✨ rise n shine, dabi's fat cock is here to wake you up. ✨

this asshole -- this asshole.

has no shame at all. he knows full well what hes doing.

likes to feel you up and just feel at you sometimes. hes so touch starved that he cant even help it.

he ranges from teasing you till you wake up to full-on fucking your brains out.

of course he enjoys it when youre confused but wanting more, your body more than ready to receive his hands.

at some point, you just like to tease him for it too. usually he catches onto your game and plays accordingly.

he cant help but feel blessed that someone he loves so very much could enjoy the same interests he does as well.

just let him know you like it when he feels you up and he'll give it to you anytime you ask~

receiving:

would not recommend unless you want early-morning-face fucking.

like you wouldnt catch someone wake up from something like that faster than Dabi.

you may wonder why, it's just his touch starved nature. im telling you, it responds to anything.

no matter what position, how you do it you will get a positive reaction from him.

tell me you cant imagine him moaning, "that's it, doll~ swallow my cock like the slut you are~"

IN A SLEEPY RASPY VOICE??? HELLO 🤧

this man is just a walking breathing example of what the word simp feels like.

youre supposed to turn away because hes not the type of guy to fall in love with but most times like this is when you cant help it..

Shigaraki (x, x)

giving:

master diddler, yes he is.

hes the type to not even stick his cock in, just like hump at you like a needy animal and just mark up your neck as if he hasnt had sex in years.

is the type to use other parts of your body to get off just to avoid pleasuring you as he gets off.

youll wake up to his cum in various spots. between your legs, on your chest and even your armpits. if it has a place where his cock can fit its going there.

he doesnt give a shit if you fuss about it later, “why didn’t you cum inside” headass.

youll have to earn him using you like cocksleeve the proper way.

youre either a heavy sleeper or light because you can wake up as soon as he starts or wake up after hes done.

Either way, as long as he can see the pureness on your expression is all he needs to help his perverse needs.

Shigaraki isnt the person to use you during your sleep without having at least talked it with you.

yeah hes a creep but hes not that weird.

likes to whisper degrading stuff into your ear when you sleep just so you can dream about what hes doing to you, his hands not stopping a moment as he gets off to feeling you up.

just dont expect anything less then degenerate from him

receiving:

you have to be a special type of breed to even think about touching him without him being in control.

the thought of you possibly being able to one-up him is a no-no.

he wont allow it.

if he even senses you thinking about it he’ll stir awake and glare at you as if there is no tomorrow.

but say you do manage to catch him off guard, this may be the only times you can really edge a moan out of him of.

so use your time wisely.

All for one (x)

giving:

ive said it once, i'll say it again.

you just have no rights bro. im sorry.

he wakes him sometimes and just goes, "this bitch deserves a rude awakening today".

like okay mr fuckface.

is the one that is always on x games mode, no softness for him at all.

probably has you wear those kitten/mitten collar things like*cough cough* kakegurui *cough cough* even when youre carrying out errands for him.

the point is honestly to keep you in place, and you cant help but like it anyways.

some may dislike being viewed as a pet or anything less but you love it hence why you stay.

plus, if you could runaway, would you be able to?

nevermind that, you didnt want someone else to replace you so youll stay his obedient bitch for now.. 😌

receiving:

you wouldnt. you just wouldnt.

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myeverythingisyourstruly · 4 years

Text

Richie and Eddie at the beach

Warnings: language

Request: Richie and Eddie going to the beach together for the first time.

“Richie! Do you ever read or do you just pick up things and go?” Eddie barked.

Richie froze for a moment and then scratched his scalp, ruffling his wild curls.

“Is that a trick question?”

Eddie sighed loudly. “You brought the wrong sunscreen. I knew I should’ve packed it myself.” He took the bottle and squeezed out a good amount in his hand before rubbing it all over his arms. “I guess this will have to do.” Eddie muttered.

Richie shrugged. “Sunscreen is sunscreen.”

Eddie looked up from where he was sitting, a beach towel stretched out underneath him, to give Richie the evil eye. “That is not true. At all. This sunscreen you brought is SPF 30, I needed SPF 50!”

As Eddie went on a rant about the dangers of UV radiation and the increased risk of skin cancer without a good sunscreen, Richie was standing above him, letting his mind wander to another place.

Richie was picturing himself hauling Eddie over his back and--- well maybe not fully picking him up, realistically Richie’s back would go out. That’s what being 40 does to you.

Instead of picking him up, Richie would drag Eddie out into the water and let him fuss and fight until finally he would plant a fiery kiss on him mid rant. Eddie would melt into Richie’s arms and then he would pull away and say, “I need you to take me home and fuck me, Richie.”

“Why are you smiling?” Eddie squinted, crumbling Richie’s fantasy.

“Oh, no reason spagheds, I just love you.”

Eddie looked taken aback. “I love you too, Richie…” he responded softly, feeling a little guilty. I mean he had just chewed the man out for not bringing the right sunscreen and Richie responds by saying he loves him?

Eddie stood and slathered Richie’s long arms and broad shoulders with sunscreen, making sure to massage it all the way down to his lower back. He couldn’t help but admire what he saw, he loved Richie’s figure; quite frankly it turned him on.

About a month ago, the losers reunited at this same beach and had a blast; so much so that Eddie and Richie decided to come back for some quality time with each other.

After the evil demonic space clown that we do not mention by name incident, they made a pact (without blood this time), to stay in touch and have regular meet-ups/vacations with each other. This was also around the time Richie finally admitted he loved Eddie, and had for a very long time. They’ve been together ever since.

During the loser’s beach reunion, it had been an extra hot day which meant Richie was visibly sweating. Before Eddie got together with Richie he had found perspiration quite gross but on Richie it was a whole different story. Not only was the sweat giving Richie’s back a nice sheen, it was also dripping down his neck, mixed with the water droplets from the salty ocean.

It’s safe to say Eddie had a hard time concentrating on anything else. Eddie was full-on staring as Richie guzzled down a bottle of water, watching his adam's apple bob up and down, and the way the water left his lips glistening--

“You like what you see?” Richie asked, with a goofy grin plastered on his face.

Eddie turned away, “shut up, Richie.” It seemed like deny deny deny was the only thing Eddie knew how to do with Richie, even when they were an actual couple.

“What?” Richie laughed. “I couldn’t help but feel your bambi eyes burning a hole in my skull. You should learn how to subtly check someone out.”

“Fuck you,” Eddie scoffed.

“Anytime,” Richie winked.

“I was not checking you out, by the way. I was just waiting for you to finish so we could go back in the water.”

“Mhm, sure Spaghetti, you can lie all you want to but I know how you really feel about me.” Richie came up to Eddie and smacked a wet, sloppy kiss on his cheek. “You looove me,” he teased with a childlike voice.

“Ugh, you’re so annoying,” Eddie rolled his eyes but he secretly liked it.

Ever since that day Eddie started thinking about how hard it was for him to just give Richie a compliment, especially when it came to his physical appearance. During his marriage to Myra, he felt obligated to give false compliments about how great she smelled or how beautiful she looked, in order to be a good husband. But now he didn’t need to be that way.

He got past saying ‘I love you’ with Richie, why couldnt he get past this?

Richie stepped away from Eddie after he finished with the sunscreen, spreading his arms out with a smile. “So am I good to go, Dr. K?”

Eddie looked at Richie but didn’t say a word.

“What?” Richie questioned.

“You look.. nice.”

Richie looked down at himself, not really sure of what Eddie meant. “Really?” He was completely oblivious to how hot he was and it was pissing Eddie off.

“Well, yanno, I got these swim trunks from Target and-”

Eddie smashed his lips against Richie’s.

“I’m trying to say you look sexy, dumbass. You’re hot as fuck and it’s driving me crazy,” Eddie blurted.

Richie looked a little dazed. “Oh, okay...how long has that been on your mind, Eds? You seem a little constipated.”

Eddie kissed Richie again. “Shut up, you talk too much.”

“They don’t call me trashmouth for nothing,” he mumbled against Eddie’s lips.

Richie pulled him closer, wrapping his arms loosely around Eddie’s waist. “So you think I’m sexy, huh? How about we forget the beach so I can take you home and bend you over the couch?” He remarked in his strange Vinny Vedecci voice.

Eddie hummed. “We can do that...or I can do this,” all of a sudden Eddie grabbed Richie’s glasses off his face and ran towards the ocean.

“Hey! Give ‘em back, I need those! I’m too old to run like this, Spaghetti!” Richie took off after Eddie as the two of them laughed like they were kids again. Except this time, there was nothing or no one that could ever keep them apart.

#adult reddie #reddie #it fanfiction #bill hader #james ransone #the losers club #it chapter 2 #it characters #fanfic request #gay love #richie tozier #eddie kaspbrak #Richie x Eddie

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ill-be-istj-if-no-one-else-is · 4 years

Note

Hi! I want help on typing too :) i hope i followed the guidelines right.

Im a hardworker but Im not responsible. An example is I would rather do chores for my parents all my adult life than find a real job. I did get a degree in a prestigious university but I prefer to just serve my parents full time. And so i taught myself to cook, sew, clean, do laundry, and make my own utensils out of wood and scrap. I even took online courses on how to take care of the elderly. I didnt care if I didnt have any income. As long as I do it for the people I love, I do it for free. 《Tho in a way, my brothers provide the finances so money wasnt a problem anyway》

Im very much a recluse. Though many of our guests think I have the most welcoming looking home in town, I prefer not to be visited. Even by friends. While Im proud of my choice of not becoming a professional, Im still sensitive when people imply that they feel like I wasted my potential in university. I prefer to talk to friends online everyday and refrain from seeing them personally because of my insecurity.

Im very bad with my emotions. Mostly because I would prefer to die than show people how I really feel. I would especially never show my loved ones whenever I feel sad because I want them to be always happy. Example was when I broke up with a guy and I never told anyone, but my family guessed it because they sensed that the food I made tasted different than usual. And when they told me its okay to cry, i couldnt and just smiled the whole time because I just smile when Im very stressed. And when my mood gets pretty dark, I result to alcohol to numb my feelings. I used to drink a lot when I felt depressed when I backed out of my first and last job after uni. I could never get myself to talk about my feelings with anyone, not even a therapist.

I have a fairy academia aesthetic and way of living. I love fairytales. I love reading books about them. I daydream a lot. I pretty much incorporate fairytale and folklore characters in my personality. I imagine Im Rapunzel when Im doing chores. I imagine Im Peter Pan when Im talking to friends. I used Midsummer Nights Dream as an inspiration when I revamped the house and now our place looks like a fairy cottage :)

I am a very peace loving person. I dont like taking sides. Im very neutral. I dont like to categorize anyone as good or evil. When my family fights, I dont pick sides and i refuse to take part. When I get into a fight, I immediately back down and do nothing even when Im right.

I am very bad at planning. I pretty much rely on the feeling of the moment, which usually takes people by surprise. I never thought I would quit the job industry, but i did. I never thought I would result to alcohol being the typical good girl I am, but I did. I never thought I would break up with a relationship of 10 years, but I did... all because i dont feel like it anymore.

Im not a rational person. I dont like questioning people's choices and situations and I dont want it to be done to me as well. Whenever I see my brothers upset, I dont ask or argue. I just give them some comfort food and give words of encouragement. The last time I was sad, I dont answer anyone when they ask. But Im very much willing to be hugged instead than anything else.

Im sorry if its too long. I hope i got this right :(

This definitely sounds like enneagram 2; it’s very much about giving everything for others, putting them before yourself, and caring about their opinions of you over your opinions over most things. I am also sure there is 9 fix in there somewhere, and it’s even possible you are instead a 9 core with a 2 fix instead.

With that said I’m not sure on your MBTI type - you’re definitely a feeler, but I can’t entirely decide on Fi vs. Fe, and I suspect this comes down to my own biases/range of experience. I don’t think anything you’re doing is wrong, but it is legitimately so unlike anything I would do that I struggle to connect it with Fi (even my low Fi) but it also doesn’t feel fully like Fe.

I would tentatively look at dom Fi, because despite what you say it sounds like while you value the opinions of others you do make a lot of choices for yourself and against certain expectations (choosing to be a caretaker rather than the expectation of pursuing a career from your degree, breaking up) and because you mention not liking to plan and making decisions in the moment.

I think there are cases to be made for either Ne or Se; the general sense I get here doesn’t tie to either and what might be perceived as one or the other just seems like a certain sense of escapism into fantasy, which anyone can do (and which fits with 9). So either INFP or ISFP are possible.

I would, lastly, out of a sense of what this blog is, recommend trying a therapist again, not because your life choices are in any way wrong (and I do suspect it may be hard to find a therapist who respects this which is frustrating) but because of what you say regarding showing emotion; it is pretty crucial to have some kind of emotional outlet or confidant even if you don’t like to be particularly emotional in public/around other people.

#mbti #enneagram #enneagram 2 #enneagram 9 #introverted feeling #papanbeige

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mollydollyjournals · 3 years

Text

Maybe I need to just like. Scream. Loudly. For a few hours.

My concentration is still so bad I'm barely getting anywhere with this same set of nails. Still. I'm trying to keep working on it but my mind is just not doing it because I feel constantly on edge. This is day 3. One set of nails! Jesus they're not that good. I take a long time to do most things but my mind is really just not functioning.

I'm feeling really particularly isolated again. I have nothing to say that might be of interest to anyone else. I dont really even know how to respond to the small amount of interaction I do get. A friend has started being more talkative in our group chat and sent me a message asking for some info on nail art techniques - maybe I'm being self centred but I feel like it could at least partially be an effort to get me talking. If so I appreciate it. But I still dont really have anything to say beyond quick surface responses.

My mum asked if I'm going to see her this weekend. I wouldn't on Sundays because she has a zoom call with relatives I dont want to talk to. It occurred to me that saturday is tomorrow. Part of me wants to go to hers and drink red wine and just connect with someone. The one person who's almost always had my back, or at least has never seriously intentionally opposed me. I want to go see my dog and my kitten and tell her that actually I'm doing pretty bad, I'll probably be divorced by xmas and sometimes I hear things that arent particularly confusing or distressing but they're definitely not real.

But that's not how it works in our dynamic. She had a serious psychotic episode when I was a teenager, and I took care of it all. My younger brother has ongoing psychosis. It's in our family. If I say I hear things she'll only panic. My doctor knows so it's not a secret - if theres one thing I learned from both of their cases, it's not to stay in denial. But theres no point telling her. And the divorce stuff? She'll internalise it. One of her children is dead, one is an ongoing psychiatric case with not much of a future because he's also actually a pretty terrible person, and the last one is me. She feels bad enough because her "marriage failed," which is a weird phrase her generation seem to use. She told me before not to date other people in case it hurts my "marriage." She'll think it's that, and start spiralling about her history with my dad and the one guy she's dated since they divorced. She won't believe me and hb were fine having other relationships and the issues arent to do with that, and I dont have the energy to talk through her stuff again.

Maybe it's getting to me more than I think. It's not like I didnt know this shitstorm was coming. But now it advances. Like I heard the forecast before, but now I can see it on the horizon. Now I have to really truly consider moving out of the house and splitting up the cats and whatever else. Thinking about it, maybe i should talk to my mum. Itll almost definitely be her I move in with if it all goes through. But then maybe I should only talk about it if I'm sure.

I dont know. I'm jealous of everyone with good parental relationships. I still havent even texted my dad for his birthday. I guess I should do that. I kind of miss when all 4 of us go back to my dad's house for drinks, us and my half brother. But that's not going to happen for a long time yet, for all kinds of reasons. Maybe it never will again. I'm catastrophising I guess. But it's hard not to with the current track record. I just feel like there isnt any evidence of positive things. Really, truly. The best thing that's happened to me recently is I sent the rented carpet cleaner off and then saw that my cat did a big healthy shit in the middle of the carpet. I have to be happy about that because it means hes not losing his guts to diarrhea and vomiting like he was before. But I still have to deal with a hygienic nightmare and probably a stressed cat picking up on my mental state. And I still have to gauge the whole situation based on a literal pile of shit.

I feel like thinking positive is just kidding myself and giving into my genetic tendency towards psychosis. If I'm going to convince myself of something that isnt real in order to make myself feel better, why not lose myself in a fantasy entirely? I should just build an entire world where everything is okay and lock myself away in it. Why stop at just telling myself that this one bad thing or another won't happen.

I try my best to stay grounded in reality to avoid ending up in that kind of mental state. But reality is fucking tiring. I know my life isnt the worst in the world by far, I dont mean that. But we're all going through some extra shit these past couple of years. I struggle not to take that on too. Not that it even helps. We had a mass shooting here today and I'm thinking about the people who thought they were safe because they live in England where firearms are extremely rare, the parents of the child who died, the people living in that area who will feel so unsafe now, and all the pro-gun lobbyists in the US who will use this as a reasoning that gun control doesn't work thus keeping millions of other people at risk as long as those laws dont change. But god. I would be dead many times over if guns were as easy to buy here as they are over there.

And then I think about all the people that have been lost to situations like that. I'm multiracial and have family in multiple different places - I was always raised with the idea that you dont stop caring about people just because they're not in the same country as you. And it's true, you shouldnt. But I've internalised a lot of it as fear and sorrow and idk what else. Just bad feelings. Feeling like the world is such a terrible place, that I cant deal with my own suffering, and that if I can't deal with that then what about the people who have it worse? What can I do??

What can I do for anyone when I cant even paint a single set of nails?

I'm sure of all kinds of bad things happening. I dont want to be. Some of them I couldnt prove, so maybe it's just my mind. Many look likely. I dont know how to deal. I am all the worst parts of each of my parents and this is the result. I wish therapy was more of a thing last century. They should never have had kids. My older brother got off easy by dying. Incidentally I have to somehow gather money for his gravestone soon as nobody else in my family ever offered to help my parents with it in all this time and it's only just been put up now when I said I'd help my mum with it. I never even fucking met him. My life is like a bad tv show. Not an interesting one, not a well written drama or tragedy, just bad.

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arthurflecksgirl · 4 years

Text

Artie falls in love with you / Arthur Fleck short story

Disclaimer: Suicidal thoughts, sex, drunk Arthur, romantic, sweet

“How...how many kisses?“

Arthur was lying on the couch, burying his face in the pillow. The two of you went out on a date for the third time today and you were truly in love with him.

“Just tell me sweetheart, how many?“ He mumbled. The couple glasses of wine werent a good idea considering that he was on his medication and was never really drunk before. You felt kinda bad about his condition right now. But you really tried to get him out of his apartment and did choose a good restaurant to finally get him to eat something. He never ate propery and looked kinda starved. Also a side effect of his meds. You felt good, watching him eating half a plate today, so you ordered some wine,too.

You kneed in front of the couch to made sure he's comfortable, petting his soft, sweaty curls “What do you mean?“

He smirked at you “How many smoochies will I get from you tonight?“ His face lighted up looking at you. His childlike grin made your knees weak every time.

You kept on playin with his hair “Many,Arthur.“

“But how much?“

He tried to get up and kiss you on the cheek, making kissing noises and almost fell from the couch “Oooops“ he buried his face in your neck “I almost fell. Good thing I fell in your arms,huh?“ His breath felt hot against your skin. The smell of his hair felt like home. “Yeah Arthur, I'm afraid you're a bit drunk.“

Arthurs smile grew even more “I'm not drunk. I just love you so much and need to know how many?“ A sloppy kiss on the corner of your lips.

“Countless,Artie.“

He sunk back into his pillow “Wow, thats a lot!“

You took the blankets and covered him with it “Just try to get some sleep,okay? You will get all the kisses when you're sober again“.

He crawled up under the sheets, his beautiful face lookin slightly weathered. “Hey (YN) wanna hear a Joke? “

“Sure“

“So this man comes into an libary“ he chuckles in his pillow already.

"...and asks for a book on how to commit suicide.

And the libarian said Fuck off, you won`t bring it back"

He can`t help but laugh about his own joke. His dark homor said more about himself than you wanted to admit but you were very drawn to his view of things. He always seemed to feel everything with an intensivity you have never seen on someone else before. Eighter if he was happy or sad. When you met him he told you he never felt happy in his whole life but you felt like it changed dramatically since you dated. Knowing that he was all alone by himself, expect from living with his mother his whole life still breaks your heart. Never have you met someone more caring. He loves to make late night conversations while cuddeling up under the blankets, about everything that was going on in his head. Sometimes he had troubles explaining what he was trying to say but you loved his way of observing things around him. He payed attention wo every datail. You admired him, which he couldnt understand. He loved to be seen and he loved that you listened to him carefully. But he still wasnt sure why you loved him so much. You guess he wasnt used to this kind of attantion.

"Thats a good one,Arthur!"

He was getting sleepy "Yeah... you know what (YN) there are many more jokes in my journal, you know? I want you to read it. "

"The jokes?"

"The whole thing"

His eyes got heavier now.

"There are not only jokes in it" his eyes tried to focus on you "I was writing about you,too.I want you to read it"

Your hand slit under the blanket to caress his chest "About me? Really?"

"Yeah" the scar on his upper lip liftet when he did that smirk and it always made you blush. He even managed to make you blush while lying drunk on the couch. You felt kinda bad by getting turned on seeing him in this condition.

"I dont know Arthur, I feel like this is kinda personal. I dont want to disturb your privacy by reading your journal.

"Just do it!"

"Artie, you`re drunk. What if you dont want me to read it anymore in the morning?"

He was leaning over to give you sloppy kisses again "Thats why I want you to read it now." He was pointing his finger at you "Hey, wanna hear another one?"

You gave him a soft kiss on his forehead "Get some sleep, Arthur. You need to rest now"

He falls back into the pillow and falls asleep with a smile on his face.

After you made sure he fell asleep you looked at his diary. He really said he wanted you to read it. And that he wrote about you.

You werent sure if you should take a look. This felt so personal. On the other hand... You were more than curious about what he might thought of you. You just started dating and had your first kiss some days ago. He was a really good kisser. You guessed he didnt really knew what to do at first but he was so emotionally involved. He seemed to soak up every second of the moment. Like he really wanted this. He was right there in the moment with you, which you loved.After the kiss he confessed that he never was with a woman before and you think he was a bit ashamed about it. But he still wanted you to know. You didnt mind. You thought it was cute actually. And you wanted nothing more than being his first. You would love him all night. Like he deserved to be loved.

Another stare at his diary. You put my hands on the cover. Arthur Fleck case number 064823. Sure he had some problems. But you wanted the both of you to figure them out together. You wanted to hold his hand when he was in the waiting room to attent his appointments. You still werent sure what the exact diagnose was. You didnt wanted to upset him by asking too much about it. But you knew that he took anti depressants and anti psychotics.

You opened the first page of his diary. Some jokes, really dark ones. Mostly about death.

You turned the pages. Observations about homeless people. More dark jokes. Sad thoughts about being left alone. You didnt really read all of it cuz it still felt like you were disturbing his privacy. So you tried to find the pages which are written about you and searched for your name to pop up and there is was.

Your name was written in big, red letters that looed like lipstick. With a big smiley. Your heart jumped out of my chest when you saw it. There was something so cute about it and you imagined him drawing this the night, after you met.

You took a deep breath and started to read as your hands were shaking.

"Today I met the sweetest girl. She was new in my neighborhood and seemed to be different from all those aweful bricks here in Gotham. She has a nice smile. An authentic one. Not like my own smile, which is never authentic for so many reasons. I dont even know what a real smile is. But when I saw her , I smiled and for the first time in my entire life it felt like a real smile.

So she had those big packages to carry and i was just standing there, staring at her and suddenly she asked me for help. I was never been asked for help before. People tend to ignore and avoid me a lot. So I was very pleased to help her with her packages. We got into an conversation and I told her a joke. And she was laughing. I love it when people laugh at my jokes. I mean, I wanna do stand up comedy so bad. I need people to think that I`m funny. And I know I am. ---smiley face---

Anyway, I felt like finally someone sees me. The next day she came up to me when I was about to get to th pharmacy and she asked me out on a date. I couldnt belive it at first. I have never been on a date before. I was kinda nerveaus. Why would a beautiful, young woman like she is go out with me?

Of course I said yes.

I was dreaming about this for so long. Maybe she could be my girlsfriend. This would be a dream come true. I already told her that I have some issues, because she asked me why I was going to the city and I didnt thought twice and told her I have to buy my anti psychotics. I know that this wasnt a good move but it seems like it didnt scare her away. Well, she doesnt know how bad it really is by now.

I really hope that this time she is real and I`m not having visions or daydreams again.

Sometimes its hard to tell.

Some days I even think the meds make it even worse. But at the same time I am afraid to go off my meds. I did it once and I did some bad shit. I even ended up in Arkham for a very long time. Which wasnt that bad really.

Sometimes I think I felt better when I was locked up.

Not being able to leave my room, being with my thoughts all day, drifting away in daydreams gives me comfort. Its like ignoring the cold, dark world outside. The world doesnt care about me anyway. So why should I? The sad thing is, I still do care. I thought about ending my own life so amny times. Almost every day. But I never really tried it. Its just a game I play with myself.

How long? How long until it is not a game anymore?

How long till I have the guts to do it?

Oh man, I`m drifting away again. I wanted to talk about the GIRL!!!

She`s gorgeous. Just gorgeous.

I wish I could kiss her. I`m 35 and I hadnt had my first kiss yet. Its TIME!

I tried it once with this girls from scool i was in love with but I got so nerveaus that I started to laugh at her face and she thought I was laughing at her. Yeah well... she ended up punching me in the face and I never tried it ever since.

But I dreamed about it a lot. How would it feel to have someones lips pressed against yours? Softly and intense. To taste someones tongue in your mouth, to just melt into each other.I would never stop. I feel like a kiss is a connection on a higher level and I really wanna experience it with someone.

I got some other fantasies,too.

They`re pretty dirty and I dont feel like I can talk about them right now.

So i`m gonna quit writing for today and hope that the girl isnt already sick of me.

You turned the page and took a look at Arthur. He was humming in his sleep. Looking peaceful. All the words in his diary overwhelmed you up to a point where you didnt know what to think anymore. You hoped he enjoyed his first kiss. You really hoped your kiss was worth the wait.

The next page was just black scribbles all over the pages. Little drawings of people and cats. A lot of cats.

The next page was written on again.

"Today I woke up and wanted to die. I don`t even know why. It was just a gut feeling. I was miserable andthe darkness was caving in on me. But then I thought about the girls I just met and that she really seemed to like me. So I decited not to kill myself. Not today."

You thought about putting the diary aside. This was a lil too much for you. You didnt knew he was in such a dark place mentally. You were kinda scared but couldnt stop reading eighter.

"So...I remembered her kiss, my first kiss and this memory was so strong. I am sure it wasnt just imagined. This time I am sure it was real. It has to be. I wanted to distract myself from suicidal thoughts and started to touch myself while thinking of her. Maybe I should write her a love letter. Or bring her flowers. Or both. I think I`ll do both. Anyway, I touched myself while thinking about sleeping with her and I finally felt something again. I tried so many times but my meds wouldnt let me cum. It barely happens. Thinking about her kiss, her hands in my hair, on my thights, between my legs.... and her sweet voice on my ear helped me a lot. I felt passion and love and I came so hard, you wouldnt even wanna know. I hope Penny was asleep and didnt noticed anything. This would be embarrassing as hell. I surely made some noises.

I imagined that I took her hand and made her dance all through the living room to Frank Sinatra songs and we got closer and kissed. She told me how much she loved me and how much she wanted me. I held her face in my hands and kissed her so hard, all my make up smeared up on her beautiful face. I am always wearing clown make up in my sexual fantasies. It makes me more confident.

She just grabbed me and took my clothes off, threw them all over the room, threw me on the bed and covered my body with kisses. I felt loved for the first time in my life and all I wanted was to be inside her. To wear her like a coat that keeps me warm. I imagined her being on top of me, whispering in my ear how much she wants me to fuck her. And yeah I know in reality she would have dominated me for sure. But in my imagination I just got on top of her and made love to her till she was out of breath. I could almost feel her breath in my neck, feel her sweet, soft hands all over me. It was just so real. I wish it was real.

Could it become real some day?

My body was reacting in a way I didnt even knew was possible before.

I want to expercience it again. With even more details.

I think i wil get back to bed and try it one more time.

And afterwards I will write her a letter. Or two.

I just wish she never leaves again."

Blank page

Another blank page.

You put the diary aside and got up on the couch.

You crawled up under his blanket and felt the warmth of his tiney, fragile body which you want to hold for the rest of your life.

#arthur fleck #joker #joker fanfiction #fanfiction #arthur fleck fanfic #arthurfleckfanfiction #short fiction #short story #joaquinphoenix #joaquin phoenix joker

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reachforthebrightstars · 4 years

Text

This is my very first story for a special lady.

This story is based on a mixture of real life experiences and fantasy. Hope u guys enjoy, any improvements, let me know.

Our “innocent” first date

Her name was the first thing that attracted me to her; Zaxelia.... such a unique name.

Not expecting much, I dm-ed her. She actually replied! Joy! We starting chatting with each other. We chatted about everything, work, family, friends, problem troubling us, dreams. Things seems to be progressing very well for the 2 of us.

One day, i finally took up the courage to ask her out for a date...... and she agreeded!!! Just nice the next day was both our off days. So we decided to meet up the next day.

I reached the meeting point slightly earlier. So i texted her.

Kris: Hey Zaxelia, i juz reached the station. Will be waiting for you at exit B left side as promised :)

Ding! I immediately got a reply.

Zaxelia: heehee. I reaching soon too! Look out for a girl in a little black dress and white sandals.

As soon as i finished reading and lifted my head, there she was walking towards me, in her little black dress and white sandals, with the brightest smile i have ever seen. She looks so lovely and cute. As she walks towards me, her hips slightly sways left and right, and her front jiggled with every step that she took.

Kris(in my mind): omg. She is such a goddess! I want her so badly. *smacks myself* stop being such a horny pervert!

It was quite awkward as this is the first time meeting each other, but as we slowly warm up to each other, we just got more and more comfortable with each other. We just shopped around, ate lunch, walked around aimlessly. Just enjoying the time with each other.

I even managed to hold her hands for awhile when i needed to steer her away from getting bumped by some strangers. But we both let go after that and i can see her blushing.

We walked past a shoe shop and Zaxelia wanted to see some shoes. I followed behind her, and saw her bending over to pick up a pair of heels and she accidentally flashed me her butt cheeks....

Kris(in my mind): omg, how did i juz saw Zaxelia’s buttcheek! Is she not wearing panties? Cannot be right? She must be wearing a thong/g-string ba? Omg. My Zaxelia is not only so cute and lovely, but she is also so daring and sexy. I want her even more.

Zaxelia: Oi Kris, got hear what i say anot? Think this heels looks good on me ma?

Kris: haha. Paiseh paiseh. Yup!!! I was just thinking the heels look good on you anot la. Thats why never reply you.

Then i faster turn away from her, becuase i realised that i am having a hardon and my pants is like bludging right now. Told her i suddenly need to use the toilet and ran away to cool down first.

Took me awhile to cooldown in the toilet. When i came out there she was standing there looking all so beautiful.

Zaxelia: what took you soooooo long!!! How can you make a girl wait so long for you!!!! What u doing? Masterbating ah?!?

Kris: no lah!! Nonsense la u.!?!?

I faster walk off to hide my blushing face. After we carried on shopping and walking around. We were having so much fun that in a blink of an eye, it was already way past midnight and i had to walk her home already....

Zaxelia: there is a park near my house. Do you want to go there for awhile before we end the day?

Kris: sure!! Of course!! I want to spend as much time with you as possible!

Zaxelia suddenly blushed as she lead me to the park. We chose a nice cooling spot and seat down on the bench.

The breeze was blowing against us as we sat side by side and chatted about the day and stuffs.

Kris(in my mind): oh.. Zaxelia smells so good even though after she has been out whole day. How i wish i can just hug her and hold her tight and take in all her scent.

Zaxelia: oi, what u daydreaming about again? Whole day u have been spacing out lo. What u thinking ah? Having notti thoughts is it?

Suddenly Zaxelia bent over to me and whispered in my ear.

Zaxelia: guess what color panty am i wearing now :)

Kris: huh?!?!? What u suddenly asking?

Zaxelia: i know that whole day u have been sneaking peeks at me and i even saw your pants bludging lo. Dont lie le. Heheee.

Zaxelia shifted and sit right beside me. Her skin accidentally brushed against mine and the sensation was so seductive. I want to hold her tightly so badly.

Kris: okok. Cannot be helped la. Who asked u to be so pretty. Then your little black dress is sooo seductive. So i cant resist to stare at you more lo. Let me guess... red? Orange?yellow? Green? Blue? White? Black?

Zaxelia: heehee... nopw nopw nopw nopw. All wrong!

Zaxelia suddenly stood in front of me. She glanced around to make sure nobody is around and lifted her skirt!

Zaxelia: Tada!!! I am not wearing anything *suddenly blushing* i even purposely shaved it clean for you.

My mind went blank immediately. My goddess is front of me, with her pussy infront of my face. It is clean shaven and i can even see some pink around her folds. Her pussy loooks so smooth and soft....

You......... are....... so...... beautiful........Was all i could mumbled out at the moment.

I couldnt hold it anymore. I pulled Zaxelia towards me and sat her on my lap. I hugged her tight and planted my lips deep onto hers. Zaxelia did not run away. Instead she begin to kiss me back. We started with small kisses, small pecks. I kissed her on the lips, then her left cheeks, then down to her neck. I kisses 1 round around her neck, then up back her right cheek and finally back on to her lips.

When i kisses her lips again, Zaxelia slided her tougue into me. We started frenching. The taste of Zaxelia is turning me on too much. I place my hands on her silky smooth thighs and slide up hand up towards her pussy. When my fingers finally touched her pussy, Zaxelia gave a soft moan. I parted her folds and rubbed my fingers along her clit. I took her heavenly juices and rub it around her pussy. I took out my dripping fingers and showed Zaxelia.

Kris: wah... juz kissing only and u so wet already. How sia?

Zaxelia whole face suddenly blushed into a deep red. It is soo cute see her like this.

Zaxelia: please dont tease me liao. I cannot take it already. I want you inside me already...

My Goddess has already given me the permission. What am i still waiting for?!? I looked around and saw a small dark corner that is surrounder by a wall and thick bushes.

I pulled Zaxelia over to the corner, bent her over and lifted up her skirt.

Kris: Zaxelia, your pussy is already dripping from your juices already. I dont need to lubricate it any further. I am going to enter u now......

Zaxelia: eh....

I placed my dick on her clit and i slowly started to push it in. My dick just slides in so easily. There was no resistance and i easily went all the way in.

Zaxelia: AH............

Zaxelia gave the sexiest moan i have ever heard when my dick fully penetrated her. I pulled out abit and used my dickhead to rub her clit. Stroking her clit with my dickhead made her moan even more. I positioned my dick again and slowly slide back in again.....

Zaxelia: mmmmmm...... nice........

I held onto her hips and started to slowly increase the tempo.. thrusting her faster and harder. You can hear Zaxelia getting wetter and wetter. Making more and more sloppy sounds even time i drive fully into her.

Zaxelia: ah.... ah..... ah..... ...... .... ah..... ...... ah..... ......

Zaxelia was trying her best to muffled her moans. But she couldnt due to the intense pounding i am giving her. Hearing her moans got me even more aroused. I started to pound her harder and deeper. She couldnt stop her moans anymore.

Zaxelia: ah! ah! ah! ah! Dont stop. Faster. Harder. Harder. I’m cumming. I cumming. Faster. Harder.

I could feel her pussy sucking me in, squeezing me harder and harder. Whether is it becuase of the thrill of fucking in public or getting to fuck my goddess on our first date or just becuase i was aroused whole day, i was close to cumming as well.

Zaxelia: harder.. harder.. ah..ah...harder..ah.....ah...ah... dont pull out. Just cum inside me. I am safe today. Just cum inside me. Ah... ahh... ahh.....

I couldnt hold it in anymore. Since Zaxelia also wanted it, i just exploded deep inside her. When my cum exploded against the walls of her vagina, Zaxelia gave out an uncontrolled loud scream.

Zaxelia: AHHHH!!! OH MY GOD!!! I can feel your cum filling me up. Your warm cum feels sooo good inside me.

I slowly pump my dick inside Zaxelia. Giving her as much of my cum as possible. After squeezing out whatever cum i have, i slowly pulled out my dick with a loud “Pop”

Kris: heehee.. your pussy doesnt seems to want to let my dick come out wor.

Zaxelia: ya lo. Your dick feels soo good inside me. Fits my pussy perfectly lo. I never felt so sextisfied before.

Kris: it was great for me too! i love you Zaxelia, please be mine forever.

Zaxelia planted a deep kiss on my lips and she blushed while nodding her head.

Zaxelia: en... i want to be with you too.

With those words, I hugged Zaxelia tightly. Taking in the scent of her hair, enjoying the warmth of her body.

Kris: come, lets clean you up and send u home le. Its late le. You still need to go work tomorrow.

Zaxelia: no. Dont. Just leave your cum inside me. I like the feeling of having your cum inside me.

Kris: ok my love. Lets just send you home with my cum inside u. Just make sure dont let it drip out ok :)

And i gave Zaxelia a light spank on her bouncy butts for being such a notti girl. For being my very own notti girl.

And thats how our first day ended.

To be continued..... :)

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maxineswritingcenter · 5 years

Text

Beauty and the Beast AU - Demon!Dean Winchester

We'll see how this goes! I'm using she/her pronouns for this fic, just to keep it like the original story.

Characters (As they appear): Fem!reader, reader’s father, Gabriel, Metatron, Michael, Zachariah, Demon!Dean

Summary: You are seen as the oddball around town, you're into books and other nerdy things that the small town you were raised in just don't get. You dream of going on the road and having adventures, but it's unlikely you can because you don't have a lot of money. Your father runs a house renovating business and goes to a job in the spooky abandoned house in the woods. You see where I'm going from here.

-------------------------------------------------

Legend tells of of a town, just like one you may know. There was a hero known through out the land for his selflessness and his righteousness. But in times of great peril he sought help from a dark force to go against a greater evil, Cain. With the help of an unlikely accomplice, the hero took the Mark of Cain. The Mark turned our hero into a dangerous foe, scaring family and friends with his unpredictability. But our hero lost the fight against the evil Metatron and died. In a turn of events our hero rose from the grave, but he was not the same person. His eyes black as night and powers beyond anything anyone had ever seen. He began to burn and pillage anything he could find in the name of destruction. His friends and family chased him down into an abandoned house in the woods. With the help of divine intervention everyone in the house was trapped. As our hero lives with the Mark he will fall deeper and deeper into the darkness, farther from his humanity. His brother has a cure, but fears what our hero is capable of. Our hero hides alone in the house, isolating himself from those he cared for most. Only true love could tame him and bring back his humanity. But who could ever love a beast?

Did I think I was still going to be in this tiny town after I graduated college? No. But here I was. In the same tiny room, in the same tiny house, in the same tiny town. I suppose it would have to do until I found a job I didn't despise and made enough money doing side jobs so I could leave this place. My father and I shared this tiny house. One bedroom, one bathroom, one basement. I was given the office space in the house for my room. It was small and crowded, but I had to say it had its perks. Well, more singular: perk. One entire wall was bookshelves to house my many, many books. Majority fiction. If I couldn't have adventures on my own, I would join other characters on theirs.

I had woken up, fifteen minutes before my alarm, as usual. My dad said it was from stress, but I wasn't really stressed too much. Not really. The only thing that stressed me out was the fact that I was going into town for the farmer’s market and I wanted to avoid two certain individuals. I got dressed, I had been going for a more boho vibe lately, so today it was a long, floral skirt, black T-shirt, and some slip on sneakers. It was still warm out so I wanted to take advantage of it. Late September weather was unpredictable. The local weather station was talking about snow in the coming weeks and I really wasn't prepared for that to start.

I grabbed my large flannel bag and made my way too the kitchen. Dad was leaning against the counter, reading the local paper.

"Morning, pops." I called, "Any spicy gossip?" Small towns meant gossip was put into the newspaper, which I couldn't decide was terrible or not considering everyone knew about it anyway.

"Oh you bet, there's two sections worth of business about the monkshood going missing all over town. Which... I don't see how that's relevant." He said, taking a gulp from his coffee.

"Sounds like the resident werewolf was having none of it." I joked. Then something caught my eye, cupcakes on the counter.

"Oh did someone get a special delivery?" I winked, bumping hips with him. His face went red, he started scratching his beard to distract himself.

"Uh na- oh yeah. Mrs. Barber dropped them off this morning. Said she had some left over from the bake sale at the high school." He lied.

"It's Ms. Barber, dad. And she definitely has a thing for you. Why don't you give her a wink every once in a while?" I said, leaning over and taking one from the tray.

"Oh I don't know..." He said. Ever since mom left us, he's been nervous about getting back into the dating scene.

"Just sayin'." I shrugged and made my way out the door.

"What's the cupcake for? It's 10am?" He called as I shut the door. The cupcake was for our mail man. The man had an incredible sweet tooth. He was a huge patron of the bakery. And right on time, here came the mail truck. The only mail truck at our post office.

"Hey Gabe!" I smiled as he parked. He got out, smoothing back his brown hair. He had a smile that was contagious.

"Hey there, (Y/N). Is that for me?" He pointed to the cupcake in my hand.

"Of course, anything for my favorite messenger." He chuckled, taking it and replacing my empty hand with our mail.

"You spoil me." He smiled and took a bite. "So uh, where ya off too?" He leaned against the front end.

"Farmer's market and the library."

"So veggies and the same book you always get?" He said, licking his fingers of frosting.

"I don't need your judgement." I rolled my eyes, starting to make my way towards town.

"Thanks again!" He said, getting into his truck and continuing on his route.

I waved back, making my way past the neighboring houses and into the heart of town. The whole town was out and about. Everyone I passed seemed to look and whisper, it was the reality we lived in. I was the girl whose mom left without a trace. I was the girl who lived in her own little world of books and fantasies. I was different and odd compared to everyone else. But that was okay... Or at least that's what I keep telling myself.

The main Street was blocked off for the market. I crossed the street and pushed open the door to the library. It was a small shop, there were a few shelves and a register. In the back corner was a reading nook with a soft recliner chair that I knew very well and probably had my butt print in it. After I set my last read in the return box, I made my way towards the section I was looking for. The book had no title and no author, just a single rose on the front. I think that's what drew me to it. It was a story about a guy and girl who meet and she doesn't realize that he is her true love. I could quote this book, it was my favorite. Far off places, daring sword fights, magic spells, a prince in disguise. I held it close to me and moved towards the front where the librarian sat. He was an older man, a little odd looking but didn't seem like he could do any harm. He had told me his name was Met. A little strange but who was I to judge. He was hunched over on the desk, looking down through the glasses at the end of his nose. Met said he had read every book in the library more that 5 times which is why I think we got along.

"Good morning, Met." I greeted him, setting the book and my library card on the counter.

"That book again?" He said, not even looking up from his book.

"I can't help it. It's my favorite." I grinned, I couldn't wait to get my hands on it again.

"You know what? Just keep it. No charge." He said, looking up at me with a knowing look in his eyes.

"What? No, I couldnt-" I started. I hated that I was refusing but I just couldn't take it.

"I insist. You've read that book more than I have, which is saying something. I know you'll give it a good home." He smiled. I took the book and hugged it close.

"Thank you, thank you so much." I gushed, carefully sliding the book in my bag, "I'll see you around!" He waved as I left the shop, a new spring in my step.

There were the usual crowd in the market. The baker, the various farmers and Crafters. I made my way, stall to stall, chatting and picking up a few things. I preferred shopping this way, I could help out the community and get fresh produce, win win. The only issue was I accidentally made eye contact with the town pretty boy, Michael and his goon Zach.

Michael was the town hero. He was a good hunter and all around charmer. He was tall, dark, and handsome. Meaning every girl in town was in love with him. Except me, considering that I think getting by on your looks and being macho wouldn't be a great match for me, who finds more attraction in personality and, well, a brain. He and his goon Zach were odd friends, considering Zach looked like he was old enough to be Michael's father. Michael had this odd obsession with the fact that I wasn't obsessed with him. I had heard from the rumor mill that he had a crush on me and no thank you.

I quickly darted through the crowd, hoping he couldn't follow. I circled back towards my house. But as soon as I made it to the drive way:

"Hello, (Y/N)." Michael said, he was laying on the charm early this time. He was also, right behind me. I turned, holding onto my bag.

"Hello, Michael." I smiled stiffly. If I kept things short, maybe he would go away.

"Listen, I was thinking that we should go back to my place and talk. I havea few things I would like to dicuss." I clicked my tongue, stepping away from him.

"Maybe another time. I have to help my dad with a few things."

"Heh, that guy needs all the help he can get!" Zach laughed.

"Hey! Don't talk about my father like that!" I shouted, rolling up my sleeves to punch this dick a new one when Michael stepped forward and punched Zach in the shoulder, "Yeah, don't talk about her father that way!" He turned back to me, "Now, I know how you feel about me."

I raised an eyebrow, "You could not possibly have a clue." I continued, "Listen, I gotta go, nice talking to you, bye!" I hurried inside, making sure to lock the door behind me. I set my bag on the counter, carefully placing items in their places when I spotted a note on the counter.

Gone to the old house in the woods. Be home for dinner.

Love Dad.

Dad renovated old houses and made them new. He was just the run of the mill Property Brother, without the twin and real estate practice. The house he was referring to was this huge mansion that was in the woods. It used to be the home of this really rich guy back in colonial times, like pre-America. The guy never had any kids so it was just left to be abandoned and rot. Some people said it was haunted, but who would want to haunt that place? It was falling apart.

I shrugged and went about my day as usual. I made a snack from the delicious apples I got, read a little, tidied up around the house, and made dinner. But... Dad was late. Sure, he had been home late before but never this late. A hour turned into hours. I tried his cell phone but it just went to voice mail each time. So there I was anxiously sitting at the table, my foot about to wear a hole in the carpet from how much it was shaking. I just kept refreshing my messages, hoping that he would text me saying he was late or stuck somewhere.

"That's it." I stood up and gathered my things. I shoved the first aid kit, my phone, and a few other things in my bag before making my way to the garage. It was a two car garage, one spot for dad's work truck and another for my 1999 Thunderbird, a car that definitely did not live up to its name. I started the car, opened the garage and left, almost not pausing to close it.

It was just getting to be dusk, the sky was just beginning to fade to night when I got to the house. When I pulled up the long, winding driveway, far off the road, I saw dad's truck. I opened my door and looked around the car. Maybe he could have slipped and knocked himself out.

"Dad?" I called, looking around. His took box wasn't in the passenger seat, meaning he was probably inside. Holding my bag tightly by the strap I got closer. In the time it had taken to get here, it had chilled significantly. I really should have grabbed a jacket. The house was... Menacing to say the least. The white faded paint was chipping off, the columns on the front porch were near collapse. The wooden stairs creaked as I made my way up to the ajar door.

"Hello?" I called, peaking me head inside. I used my phone flashlight to look around. There was graffiti on the walls from kids who really should take an art class. Their pentagrams could use some work. There was stuff strewn all over. Lots of papers and other things.

"Dad?" I called again but cursed myself when I heard creaking. I am literally that girl in every horror movie. Let's go to the haunted house and call out to someone and then get straight up murdered. I am literally so stupid. I silently crept closer to the stairs, they probably led down to the basement.

"(Y/N)?" I heard dad's voice echo from below.

"Dad!" I called back, rushing down the stairs. As I got lower, the atmosphere seemed to change from a old house to almost a bunker. Metal lined the stair case as I went down further and further.

When I made it to the bottom I looked around in shock. This place was practically brand new. Hardwood floors, nick knacks lining the shelves. There was a kitchenette in the corner with a white marble island.

"(Y/N)!" Dad called again, the sound coming from a narrow hall that led to a bookshelf. I could hear my dad calling from behind it.

"Grab a book!" He shouted.

"A book? What does that-" I started grabbing books, pushing them away to see a door but instead, when I grabbed a copy of Arabian Nights there was a low groan from the wall. I took a step back as the wall swung back to reveal a secret room. It was a circular concrete room and as soon as I walked in goosebumps rose on my arms. Dad was tied to a chair in the middle of the room.

"Dad..." I ran up to him, "Oh thank God you're alright! What happened? Who did this?" I said, moving around him to get at the ropes.

"We gotta get out of here, kid, this guy isn't human. He'll kill us both." He whispered. What kind of an asshole takes a nice guy like my dad and locks him up? A psycho, that's who. My dad coughed, it was wet and loud and too much for my liking.

"God, it's freezing in here, you're going to get sick." I said, finally starting to loosen the ropes.

"Well, well...." I froze at the new voice. It was deep and cocky sounding, "Look what the cat dragged in." I stood up to face this guy. He was just Out of view of the light, all I could see were his nose and the smirk on his face. He was wearing a red button down, dark jeans and boots.

"Look, I don't know who you are or what you want but we don't have anything to give. Please, he's getting sick, you can't keep him here." I pleaded, holding my dad's shoulder to keep up this confidence I was trying to portray.

"What he deserves, breaking into my place, snooping around." The stranger said, crossing his arms over his chest.

"He was just doing his job, this house is abandoned!" I shouted, taking a step forward.

"Baby, please..." Dad whispered urgently, "Just go, it's me he wants, don't let yourself get wrapped up in this."

"I can't leave you here, I won't." I said, crouching down and holding his hands. They were so cold and I could feel him shaking. Dad's eyes were so dull, his teeth were chattering.

Rage built up in my chest as I stood to meet the stranger again.

"Who do you think you are, keeping him here like this?" I spat, "Come into the light, coward."

"(Y/N)!" My dad shouted in a warning voice. The stranger only chuckled and shook his head. He stood up from where he was leaning on the door frame and took a step forward. My jaw tightened and my eyes widened. The only thing I could focus on was his eyes. They were pitch black. No pupil, no Iris, just black. I quickly recovered my glare and stood my ground, even as he came close to me. He smelled off, like rotten eggs. On his arm there was a strange mark that seemed to glow red. In his hand he held a odd weapon. It was the jaw bone of some type of animal attached to a handle. There were even teeth still attached.

"And what do you intend to do with that? Club me until it breaks?" I smirked, again that confidence I was trying to portray. But was intimidation the right choice in this situation? I didn't care. He seemed like another smug asshole that could get whatever he wanted from his looks whoever or whatever he was.

He hummed under his breath, lifting the weapon to his open palm. He dragged it down, and I watched it slice open his palm. But as soon as blood appeared from the cut, it disappeared as if it healed itself.

And confidence gone.

"Look, sweetheart, this isn't about you. But you're doing a number on my patience. So get the hell out." He motioned to the door.

I looked at the door, then back to my father. I couldn't leave him here. No matter how much this guy scared me. I had no other choice.

"Let my dad go, I'll take his place." I said quickly, "Do whatever you want, just let him go."

"No! I won't let you do this." Dad said, leaning forward to struggle.

"I won't let you rot down here. Let me do this." I couldn't look at him in the eye.

The stranger took my chin in his hand, making me meet his eyes, the black void of nothingness. It made me think of death and despair.

"You sure about this?" He asked, he lowered his voice, "You sure you want to take his place?"

I nodded, "Please, let him go." I whispered, my voice was on the verge of shaking. The stranger grinned and let go of my face. He went around my dad with the weapon, in a quick slice, the ropes fell away. He grabbed my dad by the shirt, lifting him from the seat and pulling him to the door.

"Don't hurt him!" I shouted.

"I'll come back for you, (Y/N), I'll get help!" Dad called, his voice fading as the hidden door shut behind them.

Oh God...

I slowly sat on the chair, the dread setting in.

"What have I done?"

---------------------------------------------------

NEW SERIES - You will never guess how it ends.

Reblog if you liked it, likes work too.

Read part 2 here!

Requests are open and the fandoms I write for are listen in the bio.

Taglist: (shoot me an ask if you want to be tagged)

@happy-little-marvel

@hobby27

@somebodyto-love

@beanie-beebo

#dean winchester x reader #dean winchester #dean x reader #dean winchester imagine #supernatural #supernatural imagine #supernatural reader insert #supernatural creatures

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vegannaise · 4 years

Text

boys deserve love

i started realizing around 16 that i wasn’t cis. i flipflopped back and forth between different nonbinary identities, occasionally wondering (in private) if i was just simply a boy. i was already out as gay, and people already regarded me as a “tomboy”, so that helped alleviate some of my teenage discomfort.

I didn’t date a lot in highschool, partially because i was incredibly intimated by girls, partially because boys didnt pay too much romantic attention to me, and probably a little bit because i had 0 interest in sex all throughout my teenage years.

when i was 17 i had my first “serious” relationship. it was with a boy that coerced me into hooking up with him while i was nearly black out drunk (wow,, what a catch right???!!! thats a whole different story). as sad as this is, i finally felt like my existence was valid. i felt like i had finally achieved this unspoken goal of having someone love me in a romantic way, having someone find me desirable. i was happy for the first time in years.

of course, i was still trans and in the closet during all of this. one night, i was completely swallowed by my dysphoria. i was either on the floor or in front of the mirror crying because of how my body looked. i even ended up giving myself a stick n poke to avoid self harming. Mason (boy in question) was texting me throughout this, i think i had told him i wasn’t feeling good, but i didn’t want to tell him why. he eventually pressured me into telling him what was wrong, and i told him “i dont like my body. i want my body to be a different body. i want to have a BOYS body”.

for just a second, i pictured myself years in the future with a flat chest and stubble and a deep voice, my arms around Mason, who still loved me even though he was “straight” and i had transitioned.

sadly, this fantasy was violently ripped away as soon as i came back to reality. Mason had responded with clear discomfort, saying he wasn’t gay. i told him i knew he wasn’t gay, but wouldn’t he still love me for me??? i would still be the same person, so wouldn’t he still love me????? to which he prompty responded, firmly and bluntly, that if i were to transition and call myself a boy, he would break up with me.

this experience made me go back into the closet for 2 years.

fast forward to when i was 19, i was in a relationship with a transguy. since i grew up in a tiny homophobic town i was never able to date another trans person, and most likely put this person (lets call them...... Pickle) on a big ol’ pedestal because of that. Pickle had been out as trans for almost 5 years, and had been on T almost just as long. they were the first person to tell me that nonbinary people can be trans. they were the first person to actually make me feel seen and valid as not only a trans person, but as a boy.

i ended up coming out to them, in tears, as a transguy. i still felt really confused, i was a boy but didnt really feel connecting to masculinity. i wanted nothing more than to be a pretty boy but recoiled at seeing myself as a Man™. even though that relationship was incredibly toxic, Pickle supported me unconditionally through getting on hormones, they even bought me a new binder. they were the support i had desperately needed.

we had been dating for 8 months when i left town for a few days. something seemed off when i would text them, it felt like something was wrong, but they werent telling me what. Pickle was staying with me at the time, so i saw them as soon as i came back. they said they had something to tell me.

they told me that while i was out of town, they had had a major identity crisis, and realized that she was actually a butch lesbian. of course, i gave her a giant hug, i told her i loved her and that i was so happy she had figured this out about herself. thats when she started talking about us.

she told me that since she was a lesbian and i was a boy, we had to break up; as if this shouldve been obvious to me...... it wasn’t. as she sat there telling me things like “i still love you” and “and i wish things could be different” we both cried. a lot. i still couldnt wrap my head around what was happening. here she was, telling me she wishes things were different so we can be together, why couldnt we just be together as is??? if you want to be with someone, why does it matter if they’re a boy or a girl??? especially when you’ve already been together for 8 months??? it felt like it had a lot more to do with other peoples perceptions of us, it wasn’t because i was a boy, it was because she didnt think she’d be seen as a lesbian dating a genderqueer boy.

the next day i confronted her about this. i was so confused, i had given myself a headache and multiple panic attacks trying to figure out what the fuck i was feeling. she told me that she felt like we should break up anyway, that her realizing shes a lesbian was just “the final nail in the coffin”. i found myself even more hurt and confused than before. id told Pickle all about Mason, how i went back in the closet because i was scared of him leaving me. i told her about all the shame i had accumulated over the course of my relationship with Mason. despite her knowing all this, she still decided to scapegoat our own identities, rather than just own up to the fact that our relationship was falling apart already.

this experience made me question my entire identity, the identity i had JUST started feeling valid in. this experience made me eventually stop taking hormones. this experience made me feel more invaild and undesirable than ever before.

during this time, i started to also ID myself as a (nonbinary) lesbian. i had felt my attraction to men dwindle, and i was grappling with my attraction to women. but more than anything else, i convinced myself that being a boy = being hated. looking “like a boy” = being ugly and undesirable. not only did this feed into terf rhetoric, but its a result of being told my whole life that my worth is directly tied to my level of attractiveness, and that no one would find me attractive if i looked the way i wanted to.

it felt so much easier to stay how i was. all i wanted was to be seen as queer, and since people already read me as a lesbian, i might as well just settle for that, right? at least people would get it. at least people would see me.

i’m 22 now, and ive really only just started to deconstruct these things and unlearn my internalized transphobia and self hatred. about 6 months ago i started calling myself a boy and using he/him pronouns again, and for once i actually feel safe. for once i actually have a good support network. for once i actually feel seen. for once i actually feel loved.

to anyone who actually bothered to read this all the way through: healing is not linear and our identities sure as shit arent. if you’re in the closet right now, or if you’re questioning your gender/sexuality for the first or fifth or tenth time: i see you. i love you. you are so valid in your fear and confusion. the world still actively hates LGBT people, and that internalized fear is so real and deserves to be acknowledged, but please believe me when i say that there ARE people out there who hold the deepest love, appreciation, and camaraderie for you, even if you dont know them yet. your existence as an LGBT person in this world is inherently radical, please don’t ever forget that.

#oh GOD it took me almost 3 hours to write this kill me #vent #soapbox #long post

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angelkurenai · 6 years

Text

A supernatural marvel - Dean Winchester x Reader x Steve Rogers - Chapter 14 (Dean’s Ending)

Title: A supernatural Marvel

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Reader

Warnings: Set in season 13 and Post Avengers: Infinity War, No Infinity War spoilers

Word Count: 5k+

Summary: Imagine being transported in the Supernatural universe, with no memory of your life, where you become a hunter and fall in love with Dean. Only for a very important person from your past to come looking for you and change it all.

Read Chapter 1 here! l Read Chapter 2 here! l Read Chapter 3 here! l Read Part 4 here! l Read Part 5 here! l Read Part 6 here! l Read Part 7 here! l Read Part 8 here! l Read Part 9 here! l Read Part 10 here! l Read Part 11 here! l Read part 12 here! l Read part 13 here!

Your eyes fluttered open.

It was as simple as that, an action that happened every morning, yet this time you wished with all your heart that you'd get to do once more. You took in a breath, and although it came in shakily, a smile graced yours lips because you actually felt it. You felt your lungs fill with air, felt the small protest of your back as you shifted, you were a bit sore apparently, but more than that you were alive. And as your eyes took in the room, everything so familiar, as well as the photo on your nightstand, the happiness in your heart couldnt get any bigger.

With another smaller breath in and exhale, you pushed your blankets off you and before your mind could even register the action, your feet carried you towards the only person you wanted to see at the moment.

You pushed the door slightly open and peaked inside to see him in the exact same position you found him nearly every morning you went to wake him up, sprawled all over the bed with his lips slightly parted. The corners of your lips tugged into a smile and you slowly padded your way to him, laying on the other side which in all hnesty had turned into your side over the course of time. You could have gotten carried away just by gazing at him but quickly gathered your thoughts.

You brought a hand up and gave his shoulder a small shake, whispering “Dean.” but you knew one try wasn't going to beenough “Dean. Dean. Come on, wake up. Dean. ” you heard a soft groan of protest as a response and you insisted even more “Come on sleepyhead, wake up. You gotta get up at some point.” but another moan of protest, soon followed by a soft whine.

“No” he huffed, eyes not opening for a second all the while.

“D” you grinned anyway “It's already very late. You seriously can't tell me you're not gonna get up and help us with research.” you said and only got a hum and cheeky smile from him “And then what are you gonna do? Keep sleeping?”

He let a small soft sigh at first, licking his lips before he sleepily mumbled “Nope. I've got a better idea-” he didn't hesitate to throw an arm over your middle and pull you to himself. Your legs tangled and your arms wrapped around his shoulders as he layed his head at the crook of your neck and layed nearly all of his body on top of yours. “Keep sleeping and cuddle.”

A giggle involuntarily escaped your lips and you let your body relax against his “So what, am I not allowed to get off this bed either?”

“Definitely no.” he said stubbornly but so adorably, so carefree and even innocently that for a second it took your breath away. The past couple days had felt like years when you realized he wasn't being this open with you, as much as Dean Winchester could be. Not when you saw that you were the very reason to his flirty and playful side, even, being gone. Nearly all words died out in your lips. Deciding to erase everything that happened from both reality and his memorywhile staying wasn't just the right choice, it was the only choice your heart could make. It would otherwise crumble, thinking Dean wasn't going to smile like this anytime soon. You cleared your throat, pushing the thought on that back of your mind. It wasn't time for that now.

You bit your lower lip, your fingers playing with the short hair in the back of his head “Somehow always knew this was your favorite position, Winchester.”

He hummed, his smile getting even wider which meant he was fully awake yet didn't want to pull away from you “Hmh you have imagined it, sweetheart?”

You could hear some smugness but even more playfulness in his voice and certainly see it on his face that you couldn't help but want to take it further “Can't tell you all about my fantasies, D. I need to keep a dirty secret or two to myself.” it was one of the hardest things to keep yourself from bursting into laughter when he popped an eye open and raised a suggestive eyebrow at you “Oh, so you're awake now.”

“What did you just say?” he asked in a much more gruff and low voice.

“I mean, I'd go into detail but-” you gave him an innocent yet full of meaning smile “We're kind of in a dangerous positionright now, don't you think?”

He looked up and down at you, just as you shifted a bit, and he gave you that kind of small and breathless laugh that just showed he had thought of something definitely not appropriate. “Right. You're right. I should prob-”

He had already started pulling away but that didn't mean you were going to let go of him, taking hold of his hands “But that still doesn't mean-” your smile softened as you you placed it back where it was and rested your own head on his chest “Any of it has to be over, D. Nobody's stopping us, are they? And I know... I don't want it to end either. Not when it feels good.”

Dean's lips parted for a second, mostly a perplexed expression on his face because of the tone in your voice but at the same time unable to help the skip of his heartbeat at the small confession that left your lips. He was ready to question it but couldn't find the words to it so he decided against it. He let out a soft sigh of content, nodding his head a bit before leaning in to kiss your temple. He didn't say a word, not when he knew he didn't have to. Silence with you always felt so comfortable and when he got to hold you like this, that's when he felt truly complete. And oh he would be damned if he ever let himself ruin such a moment, not when he could have you all to himself like this.

“I mean-” you started peaking again and he could swear he held his breath, waiting for what you'd say and almost hoping you'd give him yet another opportunity to flirt with you just so that he'd see the small tint of red that involuntarily showed up on your cheeks “You're good as a blanket, no doubt the best one I've ever had. Wonderful and so soft, I could never change a thi-”

“What?” his voice came out a bit high-pitched “I'm not- I haven't gone soft! I'm a hunter, I'm supposed to be hard a-and firm a-and-”

“Yet so squishy.” you giggled, wiggling your fingers on his side and making him squirm. But he fought the smile from your tickling and nearly glared down at you, offended. “Come on, Dean! Just admit it, we both know it!” your fingers quickly danced underneath his shirt and onto his belly. This time you couldn't help your laughter when you heard that squeak, almost a yelp, when you pinched it. He almost tried to wiggle away from your grasp but you wouldn't let him.

“No! No! I swear if you keep it up-” another yelp and many more giggles and laughter for you “No, (Y/n) stop, I'm not-”

“Oh you so are!” you only kept going, laughing along as he tried to escape from you “Soft here. Soft there. It's all so soft. See my point?”

“Alright, alright I give up! I give up.” he tried to catch his breath when you let go of him “I get it. I shouldn't have eaten that second burger last night.”

“You idiot.” you still laughed softly before whispering softly “You definitely should have and it's great that you did. Dean Itold you, there's nothing wrong with being soft here and there. I know I love to be able to grab something whenever I can on a man, not to mention my man.” you smirked at him, words so casual he had to blink twice, and do a double take because he thought his mind was playing games on him, both eyebrows raised “Besides, that jaw of yours is so sharp it can so easily cut me through just by looking at it.”

“Doesn't sound bad to me.” but you were sure the smile on his lips wasn't more about the second part than the first.

“It's in fact one of the most beautiful things about you.” you caught yourself able to keep going and he couldn't help but look at you with sparkling eyes and an innocent curiosity “These broad shoulders give me the best piggy backs wheneverI'm too clumsy and break my leg or twist my ankle. And I gotta admit I may or may have not exaggerated a couple timesjust to get an extra ride.” you giggled when he groaned and mutter a small “Of course” but still with a fond smile, almost of disbelief at hearing you say everything you did. For the first time not behind shy smiles or hidden glances “And I'm only gonna apologize for your back, old man.”

He scoffed, rolling his eyes “One mor of that and I'm gonna make you regret it.”

You grinned, snuggling closer to his side “I'll have that in mind.” you whispered “But... it's also your arms, that give the warmest and biggest bear hugs I know. Like when I have a nightmare, they instantly make me feel safe and at home. It's something only you can do and I think I might have finally figured out why but it's way too cheesy to admit.”

“By all means, I'll bring the crackers. Keep going.” despite how he couldn't even hear his own words because of how loud his hammering heart was, he just didn't want you to stop. Not now.

“'M sure you will.” you let out a soft sigh “But I was going to say about how all this softness is the reason why this chest makes you the softest and certainly my favorite pillow in the whole world.”

But much to his surprise, those words made the smile slowly fade from his lips. A frown slowly started setting as the words repeated in his head. Images started flashing through his head, foggy but still the words very much clear. His eyes looked away from you, his entire body went stiff and his heart almost twisted painfully inside his chest. More things kept coming back to him.

“D?” you asked softly, perplexed at noticing the seriousness on his face “Everything ok?”

“N-No- I mean, yeah.” he cleared his throat, giving you a reassuring squeeze “It's nothin' just- I think I had the weirdest freaking dream ever.” he said in a gruff voice, mind elsewhere.

“What dream?”

“I-” but he stopped himself, his eyes slowly falling on you as another image flashed through his eyes and his heart did a flip; making his breath hitch in his throat “No-nothin'.” he cleared his throat, blinking with almost wide eyes looking away “It's just... hard to explain. It- It felt so real and I- I think...” he shook his head “Nevermind. 'S just a stupid dream.”

You noticed the way he struggled to swallow but you didn't try to ask, not this time. This time you wanted to do it better. To do it right.

~*~

“So I'm thinking it's probably not our thing.” Sam shrugged, closing the computer “Maybe for once we could catch a break or somethi-” but the younger Winchester stopped mid-sentence when he noticed Dean wasn't even looking at him, let alone listening “Dean?”

This time you did look up through your lashes to find the older Winchester still looking at you with that awe-struck look on his face that you had noticed was there throughout the entire morning but didn't comment on, too occupied enjoyed yet another supernaturally normal morning with your family.

“Dean? Dean, are you even listening to me?” Sam asked with a deeper frown and you blinked, glancing at him before looking back at Dean with a soft smirk.

“D?” you asked with a small giggle “Do you have a fever or maybe a stroke?”

He finally blinked, being brought back to reality as he scoffed with a smirk “Told you I'm not old. And no uh I'm- I'm ok, why shouldn't I be?”

“Well, for starters... you haven't touched your pie, and mind you it's the last slice you've been saving for days now. Heck, you barely touched any of the bacon I made for you. Jack ate more of it than you and you didn't even notice.” you pointed out, leaning back in your seat.

“H-he did? Oh.” he barely even reacted, shaking his head “Yeah well, I'm just not hungry. 'S nothing to-”

“You?” Sam raised an eyebrow “Not hungry? How's that not worrying.”

“Told you, I'm just fine. I've just got-” he bit his lower lip, taking another look at you – one of the longing ones, as if he had not seen you in years and was really taking you and admiring. Sure it had first made you blush like a mad and you didn't say anything about noticing it, but him not being anywhere near subtle had made you a bit suspicious. “Some things on my mind. That's all.”

“Really? Then maybe you'd sound more convincing if you stopped looking at me as if I'm gonna disappear any given moment.” you rested your elbow on the map table and your chin on your palm, giving him a soft smile “As cute as it may be, it's still a bit worrying.”

“Well, then-” he shrugged “It's maybe cause you're so distracting it's impossible for me to focus on anything else when you're in the room.”

The confidence in his voice, along with the words and the way he smiled softly yet sincerely at you, made your back straighten and your eyebrows shot up in surprise. The smile faded from your lips when you felt the heat rush up your neck. Dean had been flirty before, but it was mostly longing gazes and touches when other people were around that you jut didn't know how to handle it. Your eyes met Sam's for a moment, the look on his face even more stunned than yours, and you could swear he was ready to ask if someone had possessed Dean.

“I-” you blinked, your eyes slowly casting down as you felt your face heat up “Thanks, I guess.”

“What for?” he smiled casually “Was just sayin' the truth, princess.” it turned into a smirk “Would say a lot more if Sammy wasn't in the room but I just gotta compromise.” this did earn a small giggle from you but an even more surprised look from Sam who couldn't believe his brother was actually saying this out loud.

“D-Dean are you- are you sure you're ok?” Sam finally asked instead of you, unable to process it.

“Never been better, Sammy.” the green-eyed hunter leaned against his seat with a casual smile “In fact, I was thinking about that break part and I agree. When was the last time we even went on vacation? We've been hunting non-stop and from how I see it the world is safe for once. We freakin' earned it.”

“I- I mean it doesn't sound bad, I think we could-” but Sam didn't even get the chance to complete the sentence before Dean enthusiastically slammed his hand on a book and got up with a grin, startling both of you.

“Perfect!” his smile mirrored that of a child's on Christmas day “Sweetheart, get that pretty ass up. We're going supply running and Sammy start packing, we'll chose a place when we come back. (Y/n), I'll wait outside, don't break my heart by standing me up. Oh and don't bother changing clothes, undressing you is my job only.” he gave you a wink that left you a bigger blushing mess than before.

“I- I-” it all happened so fast you didn't get the chance to fully comprehend everything “Sure.”

“Just-” Sam raised a finger, the smirk on his face scaring you as you silently threatened him to be careful what he asked “One question.” Dean stopped on his tracks and looked at him “Will you make it by noon or am I gonna see you two tomorrow morning?”

“Don't know.” Dean shrugged so casually, you just prayed that was it, but it wasn't “She's the dom, ask her. Depends on how much she wears me out.” he gave you a boyish grin, another wink and you were left to stare after him with wide eyes. Unaware if you should just end him or Sam who was chuckling and nodding his head. Maybe both.

~*~

Having slipped on a pair of shoes and your thin jacket, you didn't bother taking off Dean's flannel and your shorts. Not that you planned to change, but Dean's smile when he saw you was something you had been craving to see more and more so it just made it all the more worth it. It was actually that very smile that after everything that happened - at least that you remembered happening - gave you the courage you needed. Sure, some weight had lifted off your shoulders at knowing you had made the right choice but actually seeing him be the man he was when it was just the two of you, before the stone and before Steve, allowed you to finally let all your worries fade. At least for the moment.

You couldn't deny that you hesitated for a split second, but with him so close to you, it was hard to resist the urge to reach out for his free hand. You saw the corner of his lips lift into a soft smile, even if his eyes stayed on the road, you were sure he was thinking of you when he gave it a squeeze. He held it with his hand, his thumb started rubbing softly your knuckles as you slowly leaned on his side and rested your head on his shoulder. The soft kiss on the top of your head and the way his fingers nearly laced with yours, had you smiling the entire ride.

“Didn't sleep well?” his rough yet gentle voice was the first thing you heard after some time of driving, and only when you heard him did your realise your eyes had drifted close.

“Probably not enough.” you whispered, rubbing your eyes with your free hand. His warmth, his scent and the deep rumble of the car along with the exhaustion you felt had made you fall asleep. You looked around, only to realize the car had finally stopped but the market stood a good few feet away from you two, so you were mostly by the side of the road.

“Could've always told me, princess.” his eyebrows pulled into a frown “Was it your dreams again?”

“I-” you shook your head “No. No dreams, and no headaches I promise. It was good, it really was. I feel like it's been quitesome time since I slept this well. It just wasn't enough, I'm too tired these days.”

“Well, you-” he licked his lips a bit nervously, worry still on his face “You know that if you ever have a problem with- with dreams or nightmares, then I'm here for you. I'm always here, (Y/n). Doesn't matter how, when or where. Even if it's the freaking middle of the night. You don't have to think twice to wake me up. I'm-” he let a small sigh “I want to be there for you. I- I know what it's like to see things that you don't like, things that scare you and I-”

“If you say it's your job to protect me, so help me Winchester, I will have to kiss the leaving heaven out of you to shut you up.” you breathed out with a fond smile that earned a deep warm chuckle from him.

“Is that a threat or a promise? Cause it only makes me want to keep going.” he smirked at you and you laughed, shifting to bury your burning face in the crook of his neck and wrap both your arms around him “But, in all seriousness, I- I don't do it because it's my job, (Y/n). I do it because I want to.”

“I know you do, D. I always know.” you whispered, the comfortable silence that set between the two of you not lasting for long.

“And you know, in case you have trouble sleeping... your favorite pillow is always waiting for you. I mean, to make the deal more sweet- not that my cuddles aren't the bet you'll ever get, I was thinking-” he paused for a second, a smile playing on his lips "If we tried a bit, move some of the furniture, there could be a space for Kong aside from the rest of your things. Maybe I'll even put him by the flowers I bring."

The casual yet serious tone in his voice but even more the words that he uttered made the air leave your lungs and the smile to vanish. The very familiar weight rested on your chest again and your heart dropped. You froze in your place at first but willed yourself to slowly pull away and look him in the eyes. “Wh-what?”

But his face held no signs of exhaustion, or anger or most importantly pain. It was calm, relaxed with a hint of a smile on his face. His eyes actually sparkling and very similar to the awe-struck one he had been giving you all morning. Until he finally whispered in a hoarse voice “It wasn't a dream, was it?”

Your eyes moved back and forth, searching for more than he was ready to voice at the moment. And you certainly didn't need him to voice them. You couldn't really expect for everything to be erased once and for all, not for a second time. Memories would always find a way back, all that was needed was a key to unlock the past. You gave him a slow and weak nod, trying to swallow down the lump in your throat but it was impossible. Your blood had run cold and you slowly started to pull away from him “No. No it wasn't.”

If you had not let your eyes trail down you'd have noticed the way his lips fell apart and he tried to fight the excitement and eagerness from showing through. His eyebrows raised softly, his lips pulling into an almost smile as he nodded his head “I don't-” he cleared his throat a bit “I don't care about the rest of it. In fact I don't care about most of it. Hell, I don't even know if I remember it in the right order to begin with.” a nervous laugh that caught your attention “I don't care at the moment. I just only- I care about- At some point I saw, or at least think I saw-” but he struggled to keep going and when you finally looked up at him, a small breath escaped your lips when you saw the real uncertainty in his eyes “I hear you say I'm- that you're- That we-”

“Are soulmates.” you completed his sentence and his eyes, big, green and still filled with awe shot up to meet yours. A half, nervous smile appeared for only a split second. Before he slowly nodded his head.

“It was-” he started in a gruff voice “Everything came back and I didn't know what to believe. It felt so real. And-” his smile vanished and a deep frown set “I guess it's because it really was.”

“Gosh, Dean, I'm...” your eyes casted down at your hands “I'm sorry, for everything that went on. Steve won't remember me now, none of the do, it's as if I never existed for them and nothing will be there to remind them of me. But you do now. And hurting you was the only thing I'd never want. I swore to myself I would never do anything to hurt you and I- I thought that if I tried hard enough I'd make things right and I-”

“No” he breathed out fast and desperate “No, shit, no, (Y/n). I didn't mean that-” he dragged a hand down his face “Sweetheart, I should be the one to apologize. I acted like a total dick but I-” it was hard to put it into words and you actually held your breath. It wasn't until you whispered his name that you actually heard him speak, and his words did make your eyes widen.

“I was jealous.” his eyes were glossy, he ran his fingers through his hair as he chewed on his lower lip “I was so freaking jealous, baby girl. Jealous that he'd get you and I- I couldn't. I was blinded by my jealousy. I was... scared. Scared I was gonna lose you for good before I even got the chance to fight for you. And it drove me insane, kid, so much I didn't know what I was even saying. But I acted like a total asshole and I- I didn't mean any of it.” he took in a deep breath that came in shaky as you were only left to stare at him with wide eyes and gaping “I shouldn't have., it wasn't your fault. But I just didn't know how to deal with it. And yet you... stayed. You chose to stay here and it makes me feel even worse.”

“I stayed because I wanted to.” you whispered despite how hard it was with his words setting in “There is no way, no possible version, no life I- I could live without you Dean. I'd always chose you... us.”

“I- I thought I was going crazy, I thought-” he bit his lower lip, shaking his head softly with a nervous laugh that made you look up “My imagination was running wild again. That is was one of those dreams.”

“Th-those dreams?” you blinked, your heart fluttering inside your chest.

“Yeah, you know-” he gave you a half smile, hesitating for a second but reaching out to take hold of your hand again, his eyes glued on them as he rubbed soft circles over the back of it; taking a deep breath and just lacing them without a second thought “The ones with no monsters involved, not in our life at least. Lots of those cuddles. That beautiful summer dress you have. Heck, your fandom pjs too. Cooking, lots of that cause you know I'm addicted to your food. A dog maybe. You know, playing and running around the garden in- in the back of... the house.”

“The-” you started but no words came out and when your eyes met his, the heat on your face only got bigger. Dean gave you a squeeze as you breathed out “O-oh”

Your heart was beating so hard inside your chest you were scared it would break free from your chest. You were thankful for his smile. “You know, though, you staying pretty much means you're stuck with me, right?” he asked with a small smirk.

“Stuck? Well, I was actually going to say blessed to be even destined to have a life with a man like you, whether that happens or not.” you said full of sincerity, smiling on your own “I know how you think of yourself, Dean, but heavens you're only a blessing for a woman and I feel like- sometimes I think I won't be enough for you. I just pray...” you closed your eyes, taking a deep breath “I pray I will get the opportunity to be worthy for you. To make you happy. That's why I stayed, because that's what I want. You. And I know...”

You could swear your entire body was shaking, not just your hands which were sweating. But you had been on the verge of losing him for good, you had seen his soul slip from his body and you had never felt more terrified in your life. You couldn't lose any more time, not a single second, and certainly not by beating around the bush. “I can't be without you, Dean.” you confessed “I just can't. It scares me to think I- I could live without you. I know, and I understand now, that we were meant to be for a reason. And that reason is what I feel for you.” you breathed out shakily, looking away almost shyly “And I feel so many things I can't begin to describe. You're important to me, in so many ways and so much that I just know I want you in my life... in whatever way and form you think you can give me. It doesn't have to be any more than this, I don't want you to feel like you have to-”

You could swear you heard a gasp leave his lips but you were set to get it off your chest. And it was the closest you could get to a confession. In this line of work saying saying the L word wasn't easy, even if your heart was screaming it at the moment for him, you knew you'd freak him out. And you were already saying too much to-

“I love you.” it was slow and in a gruff voice, but firm and sincere. You choked on your words, your eyes widening as your head shot up. Your eyes met his red-rimmed eyes and you held your breath, not sure if your head was playing tricks on you.

He looked even more nervous and scared than you “I- I do. I really do, and it's killing me to think there was a chance I'd never get to tell you. I- I don't care whether I live or die-” he paused when he noticed your wince “I know that in this life the end of the line could be just around the corner. And I don't wanna go without telling you everything, baby. I need you to know it, despite how much it scares me, I want you to know. I do and I can't help it. I love you.” he gave you a small nod, the tear that rolled down his cheek perfectly mirroring yours. But you were far too taken aback to say a word, silence setting between the two of you as he held his breath. He sniffled and cleared his throat, in the end, looking slightly away as if disappointed “I really don't expect you to say it back, I know it's-”

“Stop, just stop.” you whispered shakily, bringing your hands up to cup his face and make him look at you “How will I ever be able to show you that I love you with every fiber in my body, Dean Winchester?”

His beautiful green eyes widened once more, a shaky intake slipping past his lips but he didn't try to say anything. He knew he didn't need to, not at the moment. He gave you a small half smile before with every bit of courage left in him and what you'd given him, he leaned to crash his lips to yours.

A small gasp left your lips but you expected no less than a big smile from spreading on your lips as you kissed him back. The kiss was slow and his lips were soft and delicate on yours, as if he was scared he'd break you like a glass doll. You could feel some of his nervousness slip into, and for a man who had been with so many women before you, it only showed how much more important said first kiss was to him. Just as much important as it was to you. The small sound tha he let out when you pressed yourself closer to him only made you giggle, loving that you had to be the one to deepen the kiss or make the next move.

You pulled away only when your lungs protested. Dean chased after your lips for a second, a small whine leaving and you didn't need to be asked before you leaned in again and pressed two or three small kisses on his lips again. The warm chuckle that you earned from him made you grin.

“Do you think-” you started, your lips inches away from him “Do you think Sam will mind if we take a bit more time than usual to return?”

“To be honest-” he whispered “I think he wishes we don't go back home early.” it made you both laugh “Question is, do we plan to go back home early?”

“No, no we definitely don't.” your arms slipped around his middle again, nearly sitting on his lap and he gave you a boyish grin.

“Great, because there are a couple things I'd like us to talk about.” he turned the car back on, a hand on the wheel and the other wrapped around your middle

You raised an eyebrow “Such as?”

“Alright, first, I'm talking anything dirty here or roleplaying or anything but you may just have given me a new kink.” it earned another laugh from you “So, do you think you can find a suit like your superhero one? Because, not that I don't love you in my flannels or how cool you look as a hunter, but hot damn baby, you're the most badass Avenger I've seen in that suit.”

“Well, hunter or Avenger? Hhm, maybe, if you choose your side wisely, Winchester.”

~~~

Read Steve’s Ending here!

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savnofilter · 4 years

Text

answering all anonymous asks

i have a lot of mixed opinions and stuff so i just compiled them into one post. the public ones i will be posting separately, simply because i feel they are different. all responses are under the cut!

tw: mentions of pedophilia and gore.

i am and thank you!! i havent really eaten since tuesday but ive trying to keep my fluids up. i hope you are doing okay as well, anon!

~ i learned about puberty when i was 6 only because my sisters had already learnt it (ages 8). the educational sites used were always catered to helping the youth learn about periods, puberty, and everything that comes along with it. once i was at age 8, i also had access to the sites as well.

~ the idea of sex was brought around to me around 8. at 9 i had an experience but i will not get into it since it’s still slightly traumatic for me. other than having a negative experience with it, i yet again already had an understanding because of my older sister’s and i’s class experiences to have a grasp of it.

i would also like to add that my parent were never prudes. bringing up this point, disclaimer that they havent done anything weird to me or my sister. once i was 11 (in 6th grade), i was learning about sex and reproduction. my mother has always told me if i had any questions about that type of stuff, that i should never be afraid to ask.

if she felt anything was too explicit she would tell me that i didnt have to learn about that right now and that when i am older she would be receptive responding. i honestly think the hate stems from the fact that they dont get dicked down well enough from their own bfs that they have to write the pent up frustration on minor characters.

i mean with the cult running around, yes it is. if you are not in a close circle or have an established following, you will have a much harder time getting your stuff out there. its not impossible but it is much definitely more difficult to start up.

if you need help with getting your work out there i am more than welcome in trying to help you out tho!

THANK. YOU. someone had to fucking say it, couldnt be me since they refuse to listen to me. do you know how predatory in itself trying to control what minors of the same age doing together???? the only time i can see minors getting “arrested” unless it was public indecency. also why are you an adult knowing about 14 y.os getting arrested for sexual intercourse? 🤡

it definitely is safe. the people most active are teenagers so do not feel afraid. if there are any concerns please come to me since i am the original and head of the server.

!!! exactly. her sorry ass callout post about my age and followers LOL. “sorry i have more notes than you” i- i had to laugh. i think its so funny because if this was about followers i wouldve done this earlier, not when i hit 5,000 followers.

^ this. all it took was a gabby hannah callout post about my age cnckjsvd couldnt be me. these people preach about keeping kids safe, the kids of the fandom speak up about an abuse and toxicity problem and suddenly we’re ruining the fandom? pick one or the other pls. 🤡

i just honestly find it concerning that theyre thirsting over a character thats um.... HALF YOUR AGE. fake or not its weird asf. its really not your place to say people shouldnt be uncomfortable because you write them “aged 18+” and the most you age them up to is 18 and still write them in U.A. i dont really understand why its such a hard concept to understand.

i just think its concerning that the same people who think i have no sexual awareness have no problem writing characters my age and the only version that theyre aged up is in their fics.

theres something wrong in this equation here.... 😗

lmao these adults have no problem giving people trauma. and yes, yes, and yes. we arent saying that there is a problem aging them up, its how you do it. its really the fact that theyre aging them up and having them at the dorms and aizawa is still somehow, their homeroom teacher? please make it make sense.

if youre especially going to age up someone and youre about 22+, your excuse is that, “their fake so it shouldnt be a problem” is predatory in all the wrong kind of ways.

^ they hate to see it. but once again they did make this an age thing,,, obviously they only learned about sex when they hit 18, and i have hacked the system and infiltrated adult territory. 🤡

right. people are like 16 y.os cant have sex -- no its in place so adults like you dont think you can fuck them any younger. thats all i have to say. but no, im fifteen, i dont have a brain or any sense of the world. no h*rny card for me.

💀 imagine being old enough to understand that stuff can be triggering and no human should even be saying that... getting those shane dawson gore fantasies here.

“no one is mad at you for writing smut. adults are mad because youre writing smut”

your adults arent mentally sound and this is why im making this post. ❤️

lmao i am okay!! ive been having phantom nerve pain where my knuckles are because of that ask though and i had a gore dream. : ) i spoke clearly and properly, when i took them as a joke (yknow being the clowns that they are), they got mad! 1/10, would not recommend a conversation! apparently shes more mature about me but her last post was about riding a teenager’s forehead cnjk vdfd COULD NOT BE ME. she choose to ignore all the other claims and it shows~ 🍵

i dont really mind, ive been wanting to talk about my age on this blog for a really long time since last but sometimes things come sooner than later. even if you dont support my work, i still thank you for supporting me as a person!

RIGHT?! im just really concerned that there are adults who understand that there are moral issues here and some dont. this is why im making a post on a select few and not the whole adult community. thank you for coming to my TED talk.

LMFAO but they dont see it?! 😂 i think me writing about characters my own age is much better than someone who has 10+ years, or better yet, MORE THAN HALF THEIR AGE writing about them. you had your hormones suppressed, doesnt mean mine should as well. 💓

personally, if i was an adult and i made a callout post on someone’s age, i would put a disclaimer to not bully the minors in question,,, just putting out there. your mature and respectful queen is doing magic. 🥰

^ and let me make it clear, after the point of time i realized that following was 18+ blogs was bad, i stopped following them. and even now im sifting through and unfollowing all of them. yes, i do have a brain at fifteen and can think. i know its a foreign concept for some people. 😳

no no no, its okay! i lied about being an adult so this all my fault. :D just think its concerning someone so easily can say one thing and everyone can follow. real cult behaviour and shes the leader. been thinking about making a mean girls poster and sticking her pfp on regina, but even regina had redemption and realized she had work to do. : )

lmao these people have said, “i started reading/writing smut when i was 11-13 but i realized how wrong it was and stopped” so how does it differ from me? you dont magically get good at 18. dont be a hypocrite.

even adults themselves are afraid to speak up. all it took was a shitty post for them to ignore the whole story. these people ignore all the abuse, therapy, toxicity, pedophilia (umbrella term) and everything else that she and her friends are being brought to light about. it shows how much of a blind eye that people have.

this is not a tati situation, i will not go back on my words.

this is understandable. this is even past the age, and this me repeating myself once again. i wasnt even the one who said i was groomed i- its people who were in your, space. think about that.

it really is. and what makes it more concerning that the same people who preach this will talk about how they want to, “beat us the fuck up” or rip our fingers for showing out concern for the vagueness of aged up in fics sometimes.

i even stated that its not everyone who does this but no one will listen.

#tw gore #tw grooming #sav talks

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neotericbitch · 6 years

Text

a sequel to DarqAnon

part the first

It’s quite abusive, there I said it, how you’re allowed to force a ritual onto a child, whether it be reciting an anthem or staring at the sun, before their brain has developed enough to comprehend the significance. In fact, doing so makes it more likely that as the child grows up, they will never truly find meaning in the action! How sad is that? I’d never force anything on my son.

Growing up, staring into the sun was something I never understood. For a long time I didn’t, I couldn’t conceive of the satisfaction or happiness my family derived from it. It meant something to them, so they tried to teach it to me, but it never meant anything to me. I understood that the sun was their god, but because I never truly believed, I couldn’t grasp how or why it would be important to them to stare up at it, burning their eyeballs out of their sockets. Their god was sending a clear message, do not look at me. Why would they do it anyway?

Oh, but - do keep in mind that that’s all in the past. I understand now. I understand perfectly.

Valkyrie Cain has the most brilliant black eyes. Truly, her every feature is marvellous, her sharp nose, her expressive mouth - but I always go back to the eyes. For Crandall, it’s her hands. They’ve shared many times over many meetings, to the point where I find it very annoying, that they want nothing more than to feel her hands on the sides of their head before she crushes it. I think it’s a nice little fantasy to have, just stop telling us about it. I have only ever shared what I wanted two, maybe three times. That’s an acceptable amount of times! Any more is overdoing it, Crandall! Crandall, I know you’re listening. I’ve been able to feel it even when a very good Sensitive is in my head, Crandall, and you are not a very good Sensitive.

Beside me they turn their head away. Why would they want to listen to my thoughts, anyway, when Valkyrie is here? I suppose I understand their hesitance. Darquesse, goodness - Darquesse wouldn’t stand for anyone hearing her thoughts, absolutely not! To attempt it on her would be a high offence. But Crandall, if you’re still listening, I’d say go ahead for the time being. Darquesse isn’t here. Not yet.

Looking at her, it all makes sense. I want to call up my mother and tell her I understand, I understand wanting - needing! - to look at something, even if it does not want you to. The sun may try to blind you. Valkyrie may glare and scream and curse. But you simply cannot look away.

I cannot call up my mother, of course. She has been dead for a hundred years, and I’m busy right now - and I don’t think there’s mobile phone reception here anyway.

For this week’s Thursday meeting, 6 to 7:30, we have made a temporary move from the community hall to the vault, generously donated for DA’s use by Nicki, who we had to murder. Dear girl, she didn’t want to let me hold the meeting here this week. I suggested it at the end of last week’s meeting and everyone was very excited. A hundred meters beneath the spot where Darquesse opened her portal to another dimension and disappeared - we’re so lucky to have this place! Of course everyone wants to come here whenever we have the opportunity! But Nicki said no. Nicki said to me, “Isserley, these meetings have been really great, you are a good organiser and I’m very happy to have met everyone, but I think what you’re planning is wrong. Please return the vault key to me.” So we had to kill her.

And here we are tonight, and I almost wish Nicki were here so I could say, to think you didn’t want this! The meeting is going very well, I think it’s our best one yet. 6:40 and we’re just about to finish setting up, we’re a neat little group of people. We won’t go over time at all! I’d like to say that I, being an incredibly organised person, have been a good influence on my fellow DA-goers.

Salma finishes painting the symbol on the ground. Her designs are ugly, but she has a steady hand and knows how best to use the petrol paste, a very special concoction. No one else could have done this job - though I must admit, I am a bit envious. Easy, Isserley! Remember, your job is the most important. Without you, this wouldn’t work. Without you, Valkyrie would not even be here.

Salma reaches for Valkyrie. She thrashes wildly - and I can’t say I blame her! I wouldn’t want Salma to touch me, either! Haha. But it really won’t do for her to behave this way, we really need her complete cooperation, so I motion to Respite at the wall and he turns the crank, tightening the chains attached to the bound cuffs at her every limb. She is pulled tight, and by the sounds of it it’s not a very comfortable experience, but now she is tense and mostly still - perfect for Salma to draw the symbol on her wrists and stomach.

She puts up a hell of a fight when Respite disconnects the chains from the wall and reconnects them to the floor, at each corner of where the symbol has been painted so she is now seated in the centre. I can’t help but smile! She reminds me of one of those beautiful shrine maidens. If only I’d thought of that earlier. I would have put this off one more week and gotten an outfit made. But the clothes she put on herself this morning are more than lovely. Darquesse will like them. Darquesse will like being back.

Valkyrie keeps straining and trying to get up, the poor dear! I wish I could go over there and pat her face, like I used to pat my son’s when he was resisting me - I wish I could tell her everything will be alright. But I know, even chained and without magic, she could certainly find a way to kill me if I were within reach. And I don’t want her to kill me until the ritual is complete, of course! Otherwise what would be the point?

“I don’t even know,” Valkyrie growls - what a good word for it! Indeed, she is doing her very best to sound deep, dark and scary. Soon it will come naturally. “I don’t even know what you think this will do. It’s not a full moon, or a blood moon, or any kind of moon. It’s not a magical day, it’s not a holiday, it’s not even a day that means anything to me.”

It’s my birthday, but don’t tell anyone that. It’s my special little secret, my gift to myself.

“This sigil is totally made-up. It’s not going to do anything.” She tries to raise her hand to her face to wipe off some sweat, but the chain is too short. “Let me go and I’ll make it quick - because when Skulduggery gets here, he certainly fucking won’t.”

I crouch down to be on her level, and I’m filled with such...reverence. I understand. I understand. This is what I was supposed to feel kneeling in the sweltering heat for hours on end. I’m glad I feel it here instead.

“You will kill us,” I say. “But we’re not going to uncuff you, you’ll do that yourself.”

“What are you talking about?” She is so exasperated and so irritated and so wonderful. “These cuffs are bound. It doesn’t matter how great you think I am, I’m not that strong.”

“You will be! You will be.” In the corner of my vision I see Salma fidgeting. Salma!!! You’re ruining this!! To make her stop, I gesture at her so she can speak and stop annoying everyone with her movements.

“The sigil you’re sitting on,” she fires off in her horrible, grating voice, “and the sigils that are on you are my own designs. Just because you haven’t seen them before doesn’t mean they won’t work. They’ll work.” Her lip trembles and she bows her head. “I’m sorry you don’t...believe in me.”

Valkyrie stares for a moment. “You’re completely nuts.” Nuts! Aah! That’s the word I use to describe her! How exciting!

“They’ll work, I swear. I promise. We only need to activate them, and...” Salma looks to me. Unfortunately, I have to stand up now and go back to looking down on Valkyrie. It’s okay, though. It’s okay. Soon she’ll be looking down on me.

For now, she doesn’t look at me at all. She looks down at where she’s put her arms on her knees, wrists facing out. Perhaps Supreme Mage Sorrows once gave her a lesson on what certain strokes can mean, perhaps she’s trying to work out how to counteract our symbol.

She’s fabulous and smart, yes, but she won’t be able to work it out. I am confident. I snap my fingers, summoning a bright, orange flame into my hand. She lifts her head, looks me directly in the eye, and I smile widely. Very widely. Not widely enough. I hope, before Darquesse kills me, she at least takes the time to appreciate what I’m doing for her. I hope she recognises how much I love her. No - I don’t hope. I know. She will. She must.

I take a step forward and crouch again, reaching my hand out to the edge of the symbol on the ground. My flame will catch onto the petrol paste and spread immediately. Valkyrie will be burned, but only a little bit! Just a little bit. Long enough for the fire to catch the symbols on her skin, and she will be protected - and Darquesse will be summoned back into her. She will be complete again.

Before my flame touches the paste, Valkyrie shoots her hand out and smudges the line, which gives me just about the fright of my life! Thank goodness I have such incredible reflexes, otherwise I wouldn’t have jerked my hand away in time. The paste would have caught on fire and surely burned her to death! She rubs her wrists together, wiping away the symbols written there, then kicks her legs out from under her so she’s in a more traditional butt-to-ground position, but that means she’s made the ground symbol worse and displaced dirt into my face.

It’s hard to love her when she has literally blinded me. That whole thing about the sun and everything, it was more of a metaphor. I still love her of course! I’m only taken aback. Anything I may say as I fall backwards isn’t really my fault, since she’s the one who kicked dirt in my eyes. It's more of my reflexes. I never would say anything of the sort to her under normal circumstances. Never.

“You bitch!”

What an inconvenience. I don’t get to see any of what happens next! I only hear the door flying open and gunshots, the sounds of my people yelling and trying to fight. Punches, kicks, bodies falling to the ground. When I hear Salma scream and feel her blood land on my face, I can’t help it! I can’t help it but think, serves you right for putting a cent in the collection tray every week!

“Skulduggery, the-”

“Valkyrie. Are you alright?” Is that him getting on his knees? Maybe he understands after all. “Are you hurt?”

“My skin’s burning, let me loose so I can get this shit off me. The crank on the wall, I think that controls the cuffs.”

I roll onto my side and wipe the dirt from my eyes. I hear Pleasant at the wall, turning the crank back and hitting the release. It’s terribly uncomfortable, but I can open my eyes and see well enough - and what I see is Crandall dead next to me! It’s such a shock, my heart skips at least three beats. That rotten Pleasant. What a barbarian. I lift my head as carefully as I can, so I won’t be noticed. Valkyrie has lifted her shirt to get the symbol off her stomach and cannot see me.

This is so unfair. I put so much work into this plan. It was so hard to trap her! I was going to bring Darquesse back. Me. Not Crandall, not Salma. Not Nicki. Her black eyes would have bored into my skull and killed me and I would have been good and happy. Huh! Maybe I'm not too different to those Faceless worshippers who go blowing themselves up in public places.

“Isserley. I thought that was you.” Pleasant. Pleasant is talking to me. “How have you been?”

Valkyrie snaps her head up at him. “You know her?”

“We’ve seen her in the High Sanctuary.”

“Jesus. Is there anyone you don’t remember.”

“No.” He reaches out and wipes the rest of the symbol off her stomach in one motion. I have dirt in my eyes but I see how her tummy kind of curls in a bit as she drops her shirt down.

That should be me. That should be me. I love her more than anyone. I burst into tears.

“She tried to set me on fire.”

“I think a list of people who haven’t tried to set you on fire would be shorter than a list of those who have.” I hear the clink of handcuffs. “Come on, now, Isserley.”

I let my head drop back onto the ground and stare up at the ceiling. I do not take one more look at Valkyrie. I’m not worthy. I’m not worthy. I failed. “Why don’t you just kill me.” I’m not even aware of myself saying it, to be honest! Just one of those things that...slips out...

“She makes a good point, Skulduggery.”

“Can’t be done. We should leave at least one cultist alive to arrest, so why not take the woman in charge?”

“How do you know she’s the one in charge?”

His terrible skull fills my vision as he looks down at me. You know, hearing him talk this much at one time has jogged my memory. And he does happen to wear very beautiful suits. My mouth falls open. “You’re-”

Valkyrie was startled for a moment by the sudden gunshot. Shoulders tensed, she looked over to Skulduggery standing over the woman, gun still pointed into a face that didn’t really exist anymore.

“What made you change your mind?” she asked as he put the revolver away. Skulduggery came over to her and brushed some hair out of her face, went back to fussing over the injuries she sustained on her way here.

“Too talkative,” he said, and she laughed and teased him about being a hypocrite.

#skulduggery pleasant #thanks for subscribing

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atricksterproblem · 6 years

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I had to leave a fb group about ghost bc they kept posting so much about TF unmasked and masked and i got triggered. And i think was bc i love papa ii and was very depressed that i couldnt be with him. I think i disassociated a little bit for a second and got extremely nervous bc i dont like when i loose my grip on reality. I had to remind myself that papa ii is a character and is not human being. I got weird for a couple of hours and cried over papa ii not knowing me

I’m sorry, Anon. That sounds hard. It’s easy to get some cognitive dissonance over the whole thing sometimes.

I hope you don’t run into issues sorting reality from fantasy often? If this is a thing that happens a lot, I hope you’re getting some help for that. It’s not a problem that’s really safe to have if it’s in any way serious.

Apart from that, it’s pretty normal to struggle with things not being possible from time to time, I think. I often find I miss my F/O and then get annoyed with myself over it because it seems absurd to miss someone who not only was never there but never COULD be there. I think that’s mostly a testament to the power of the imagination and to how much love we have for these characters, but it can be hard sometimes.

I’ll be thinking of you, Anon. Be well!

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blandmemoirs · 6 years

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Reflection in the Dark

Sometimes you watch a show and it changes your perspective in subtle, nuanced ways. Sometimes you consume information in a way that informs you of something you always understood about yourself, but in a way that makes it more clear. Lately, I've felt, lost? I'm not sure that's the right way to describe it. Perhaps I am trapped? In the dark? Lets go with that. I've felt as if I am in a dark place, slowly marching through the thick of it. I cant see in front of me, and I don't know if I'm making progress or if I'm just going back to where I came from. The more things change, the more they stay the same. And my life has received some small changes with larger overarching meanings that have left me confused and... At a loss. I walk down this lonely road and wonder if the path really means anything, or if I'm slowly pacing towards a bitter end. My senses tell me tragedy is on the horizon, but I am blind as to where it is to come from. Normally I see the bullets coming my way. What does intuition command my path is to be? Its silent. I hear static. I'm in the dark. What do I choose? Am I at a crossroads or have I already taken the turn? Am I going backwards? What is progress? Does it even fucking matter? Or am I concerning myself with things that dont even matter? Do I just drop it all and let go? Let it freeze over. At least the cold takes me where the wind blows.

I do as I have always done and turn to the world of fiction for answers. Be it fate or my own unwitting subconscious, I read of tragedy and loss. I see heartache and hurt. I see broken men lose it all. But as is a constant in the world of comics and capes, they persevere. They are grieving, but they still do what they are called on to do. They still protect and serve and save. Because that is their purpose. It is what they are meant to be. The memory of love lost, and a willingness to carry on. An acceptance of the loneliness and an ever-changing world. They choose to be a constant. To never let the weight of their personal conflicts hold them back from their purpose.

This brings me very specifically to The Punisher Season 2, which I just finished watching. Frank Castle is a man wandering in the dark. No sense of purpose, just drifting. He lost everything, all the love he had in the world ripped from him violently by evil men, some close to him. But he made them pay for it. He punished every piece of shit that had anything to do with his loss. But then what? What is he? Where does he go? He finally lowers his guard to start anew, only for his whole world to go back to shit and the person he fell for to be wounded in the fray. Frank is a man of conviction. He cant see suffering and let is persist. He must step in and put a stop to it. Even if it costs him a "normal life". And so he embarks on a journey of his own making in which he faces a new enemy and an old enemy he couldnt put down last time. In it he must face himself and the decisions he makes. He avenged his family. He put down eveyone involved. Yet here he is, on a violent path again. This time for no motivation other than to protect someone he has no obligation to. In the ensuing 13 hours the show took to finish, I found myself remembering just why I like this character so much.

Frank Castle is a tragic character. His wife and two kids gunned down in front of him. His only meaning in life taken from him. He takes up arms and exacts brutal, bloody punishment on those involved, and eventually, every evil doer who crosses his path. Frank lives in a world of black and white. Of good and evil. Evil must be killed, and good protected. Frank is neither good or bad. He is the line seperating them. He is the executioner carving that bloody divide. Frank doesnt see himself as good, he just sees himself as what he is, The Punisher. He kills the bad people. Thats how simple his world is. You do harm to other people, you hurt the innocent, you must be punished. Frank differs from the traditional hero because he kills. And he feels no remorse for it. He is THE Anti-Hero. He does bad things for the benefit of the good. There are times when I would like to be that. When I consider becoming that way. There are times I have done bad things to help good people. Obviously, I've not done anything as drastic as Frank, but the themes are similar. I am a man of themes and rules.

I see Frank Castle as being the model by which a part of myself wishes to emulate. A man with nothing to lose and a code to enforce. No feelings or friends, just channeling all of my anger and hate into hurting the ones who deserve it most. Its not a sustainable model, and it would only result in my loss. Frank is a sad character in great pain. There isnt a day he doesnt miss his family. But he knows the things he has done would make his family ashamed of him, so he fights his endless war instead. Frank is twice offered a new life this season, both times rejecting the women who love him for the pursuit of his purpose, punishment. Frank ends the show by "becoming what he is meant to be", The Punisher. After a season of him considering what his role in the world is, and whether he can ever allow himself to enjoy a happy ending, Frank pleads his closest friends to be permitted to be what he is meant to be. Frank has given up on his hope for a happy life, and instead is resigned to enacting pain on all who do evil.

I do not want to be like Frank Castle. He is not a role model like Captain America, or a guiding example like the Hulk. The Punisher is a character that has given up striving to be good. He just does what he wants to do because its what he does best. He has rules and a code. He has a sense of morality and purpose, but he has no humanity left in him. He has no love. He only has his wounded soul and a hate fueled by the anger he feels in his loss. Frank is a sad example of what a person can become when they resign themselves to purpose.

I enjoy The Punisher because I can feel what he feels and indulge myself in his reality without becoming him. Its catharsis. The fantasy of beating down abusers and making them swallow their own teeth and beg for mercy as they choke on their own blood. Season Two experimented with a more merciful Frank Castle. But Frank is not meant to be merciful. He is an executioner. Mercy is for the other heroes. The hope of redemption for evil or faith in a system is what separates Frank from those like Daredevil or the Batman. Each instance of mercy was unique in that's its causes and consequences were different. Sometimes more innocents are hurt, other times the man he spared was someone doing evil against their own will, fighting for a cause out of their control. Frank spares many soldiers who are only following orders so long as they can admit their orders were wrong. "Do what you gotta do" he says.

The Punisher will always capture my imagination because I feel the connection to him. That one bad day could spiral me into a position like his. My values remain, but my soul is gone. My purpose is clear, but my heart is cold. I am simply a shell of myself, acting more as a machine or a force of nature than a man. Frank is even referred to as a "whirlwind" at one point. He is defended as not being a criminal, but also not being a hero. Hes just Frank. Sometimes I see myself in a similar vein, not a good man, not a bad man, just Robbie Bland. A constant.

Frank Castle is a forbidden future I hope I never find myself venturing into. I don't want to become like that. So sad, so tragic, so hurt. But committed, committed to a purpose. Committed to a cause, a war. There is no peace for Frank Castle, and perhaps there may never be a peace for Robbie Bland.

As I wander through this dark in my life, I wonder what I may become, if I am to change at all. I wonder what road I may choose, and if it will be the right one for me. For now, I persist in this limbo state. A good enough job in a good enough apartment surrounded by what I hope is endless support from my loved ones. The times are a-changing. But the more things change, the more they remain the same. The more I begin to think I am not alone, the more alone I feel. For now, I can only persevere and wait for the sun to shine.

Waiting, I'm growing good at it. I'm a patient man, no doubt. I can wait a long time. I just need to know what I'm waiting for, and if what I'm waiting for is the right thing in the first place. I am not growing impatient. I am wondering why the hell I am waiting for something I dont fully understand. But, maybe that means I'm bad at waiting.

I'm in the dark. Wandering. Waiting. Contemplating. I think more to the past with each passing day, making peace with some things and plans for others.

Punisher Season 2 has made me realize that I do not want to let go of the chaos my heart hold. That I do not want to let my heart freeze over so that I can commit to purpose and survival. I'd rather feel and pursue what makes me happy than resign myself to loss. Whatever tragedy approaches me, I will face it, and I will make myself better from it.

Getting to live in Frank Castle's head the last day or so has me knowing it is not a place I wish to remain permanently. Merely to indulge at times when I need to be reminded why I chase the things I do.

Good things come to those who wait. I merely need to be patient, the night is darkest before the dawn.

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