#like I know it shouldn't define me & there's no real timeline to do things

[mxgyver]

.

[alpaca-clouds]

About healing Astarion's vampirism

I need to talk about this. Because I have seen this take creep up a lot and... I hate it so much.

The take goes something like this: Because the narrative connects Astarion's vampirism so heavily with his trauma, his vampirism shouldn't be healed before he has overcome his trauma. (Bonus point for people giving then some strange timelines for the healing like several hundred years.) Thanks, I hate it.

Yeah, the narrative connects his trauma and his vampirism, but that is because we mostly follow his story from his perspective. And to him, yes, his trauma and his vampirism are connected. Because he came to Cazador through being transformed into a vampire. Duh.

But let's put this into a more real world perspective. Let's say someone got into a relationship with an abusive partner who somehow physically harmed them. If we go with one very popular vampirism-analogy, let's say their abusive partner gave them HIV. And they managed to escape the abusive relationship. Would you tell them: "You cannot get treatment for your HIV before you overcome your trauma from the abuse"? Of course you wouldn't. That would be a fucking stupid and cruel and maybe even deadly.

The issue here is that technically speaking... healing vampirism is actually not that hard in the DnD world. It really is not. Sure, in the actual DnD lore normally vampire spawn would lose their soul and it might be harder to get that soul back. Though I still hate the concept of souls in DnD lore, because it is so loosely defined. However BG3 does away with this, because we know for a fact that the vampire spawn still have their soul. Because Cazador wants to sacrifice their souls for his ascension. So, yeah... If you have a Tav (or other character) promising Astarion to find a cure... Realistically speaking I doubt it would take more than a few years.

Here is the thing though: It would not magically cure Astarion's trauma. Because while he connects those two things, they are only loosely connected. Sure, it might in fact help him to be able to go back into the sun and stuff (get your vitamin D!), but... It will not make the trauma just go away.

He can still be traumatized as an elf.

But... also... When I see people going on about how he is gonna need centuries to heal I gotta wonder: How do you people think trauma works?

Like, let me put it like this: You will never fully heal trauma. Trauma basically just permanently changes your nervous system. And that is just nothing that will ever go away.

However, you can learn to live with it. You can learn mechanisms to work through some of the symptoms of trauma. Ways to deal with nightmares, flashbacks, triggers. Training yourself to think just a bit differently about it. Breathing techniques. Stuff like that.

And... like, learning that stuff will not take that long. A few years maybe. At least if you actually try to work with it.

The trauma will not go away. But he can learn to deal with it. And that is probably just as good as it is gonna get.

[waveridden]

hey. what were lenny and chorby like in the expansion era. ily.

PROLONGED SIGHING. OKAY. i'm going to try to do this as quickly as i can because i do want to write some of this one day

also let me just head this off at the pass, because i get this a lot. we are talking about eleanor "lenny" marijuana, youngest sister to dom and randy, and chorby short, a mostly-human magical girl. if you want to talk about dad lenny and chorby soul, have fun, but that's not what this post is about and you shouldn't do it here. ok so

lenny/chorby meet as teens in the garages shadows and become very very close friends with romantic undertones

before they can act on this chorby is pulled out of the shadows, and then lenny makes some mistakes and then is also pulled out of the shadows

towards the end of the discipline era they reconcile and begin a relationship. they're both early 20s at this point but that blaseball slow-aging has started to hit them

if you don't know what i'm talking about i have a convenient 27k fic that you can read that explains it in a liiiiittle more detail

and then the grand siesta, a very long time to be normal 20-somethings in love! they have a good time i think it's good for them. maybe they get married maybe they don't. either way this is like, the golden days, bc they have enough time to spend with each other AND on their own AND with other friends.

also they're on the same coffee cup team which is cute

at the end of s14 chorby gets precog and freaks the fuck out and will Not tell lenny what she saw

lenny is currently dealing with chorby soul being resurrected, and the fact that this dude knew her brother, AND her girlfriend's being weird? it's neither of their finest moments that's for sure like they're not very good at communicating and being in a relationship. this is the first real rough patch they've had in a while

in mid-early s15 chorby gets redacted. this is bad obviously

i'm going to put the readmore here because in case you can't tell this is about to get long

so suddenly lenny is alone, her girlfriend is in the fucking void, her brother's best friend (ex? maybe??) is fucking sharkbait and she gets attacked too, and she's just having a bad time

and i think it's also around this time lenny has an epiphany of like. despite her best efforts, her whole life really has been blaseball. it was either defined by the shadows, by active play, or by people she knew because of this sport. she does not have friends outside of this. she doesn't have a job. she doesn't even really have a hobby

chorby is unstabilized bc of a plunder gone wrong (very stressful for lenny) and then pops up on the mills shadows, which is hard because lenny is still pitching at some garages games and can't visit her

also like this is getting in a little deep but: this is when we have foreshadow wills and fax machines and the apple. so the discipline era style "you forget them if they're in the shadows" is slowly becoming a nonfactor. but i also think that for lenny it is also deeply traumatizing in some ways for chorby to be in another team's shadows without her, in this place that lenny deeply associates with "somewhere i can't go"

also, chorby is an attractor, and doesn't have a soul. my interp of this is very much the spn soulless sam thing of like it's her but something's Wrong. like it's her but she's emptier, doesn't react as much to things, doesn't want to talk to people. her but she's changed and can't say why.

in particular: lenny tries to visit and chorby just. doesn't care. and i think that's hard! lenny has spent a year and a goddamn half in panic mode and chorby comes back and just. doesn't care

if you saw my solo zine/lyric comic about lenny - this is about where in the timeline i'd place the bits about chorby. lenny is trying so hard to reach out and be there and be present and it's just not clicking. for the first time in literal decades there is a substantial and insurmountable separation

and THEN. the icing on the fucking cake. the same time that chorby comes out of the mills shadows, lenny who has spent the last thirty-something years of her life in seattle............ is traded to hades

ABSOLUTELY DESPICABLE

however!! this is a major turning point! (this is also like, if i were going to write a fic about anything in this post it's this year in hades.)

because like. the tigers are pretty serious and lenny gets to hades and is like can you guys lighten up. can we have some parties. can we have some fun. and in that way she's very good for the tigers

BUT ALSO!! the tigers are able to look at this young woman who has lost a lot, who's in the process of losing a lot (in the background of all of this goodwin is slowly accumulating ego) and they're like. hey. aren't you angry? don't you want to be fucking angry?

this is also when the tigers get fire blood and this all manifests as lenny finally being able to acknowledge that everything that happened to her - and that's still happening to her! - is painful, and it hurts, and she's upset and so fucking angry. and she's trapped in this game that doesn't care about her and that hurts her and she doesn't know how to have a life outside of it but now she's in hades, where the shadows have built a community, where there are charities in the name of landry violence, and she can start thinking

so lenny goes back to seattle, and she's faxed into the shadows pretty shortly thereafter. (i think mike also is? not sure.) and this time she's pretty confident like. this is it. this is where she's going to be.

and i think if it weren't for that year in hades, lenny would move to boston and stay with chorby. lenny would want to take care of her, or at the very least be close. but instead she calls chorby and says. do you want me here. and chorby says no

obviously i have a lenny bias but like chorby has also just spent a year, unstable, pitching for the mills, and then she goes to the flowers, and both of these are very very different environments from the magic! it's hard! it's hard and she's still not entirely with it and she's still not entirely herself and that makes it harder

(at this point i'm going to point the general reader towards blink's fic plant matter (cw for plant body horror) - this is something we've discussed a lot with the tldr being that the garden tries to grow into and out of soulless chorby and about the very beginning of chorby's recovery)

so after lenny very angrily giving chorby a lot of distance, and well after chorby pushing her away out of precognition-induced panic, around the middle of s18 lenny reaches out and is like. i'm in the shadows and i'm going to stay in seattle. and chorby agrees it's for the best and it's weird and hard but it's also good for them both, right now

i've written a little about this on lenny's wiki page (which doesn't 100% align with my thoughts but it's a good vibe check): assuming that blaseball pays a decent salary to the people in the shadows, lenny has a lot of free time, and so the way she spends that is volunteering. as much as she can, as many local seattle organizations as she can, because she wants to know and understand the city outside of the context of blaseball

(also because around now is when goodwin gets for real vaulted and, as you can see in the goodwin page i wrote, i think goodwin also did a lot of community and volunteer stuff, and growing up with her lenny has some familiarity and connections with that world but this is the first time she goes off on her own)

lenny eventually gets her first non-blaseball job working for a nonprofit and has her own life and social network (and still friends in blaseball, i think she and sparks became very very close and it was devastating when they died) and like. that was it! she wasn't gonna pitch again and so she might as well have a real life

meanwhile chorby is similarly trying to establish a life - this is around when soul patches become a thing, so chorby gets some soul back, starts reconnecting with herself and her various teams, is still very much prioritizing herself but is also connecting with other people

so around now. like s21 ish? like, a couple years after chorby has her soul back and lenny has a life. chorby reaches out to lenny and is like. i miss you and i want to figure out something. and lenny says. i'm not gonna move to boston or new york or wherever you are today. and chorby says. good! i think this will be good for us

it's like reconnecting with a childhood friend and also reconnecting with an ex and it's weird, because lenny and chorby haven't... not known each other, i guess, in a very long time. but this is a lenny who has a Business Voice when she answers phone calls and this is a chorby with dirt under her fingernails who speaks softly, and it's like two new people

but they reconnect! they do! it's bumpy and it's difficult but they're able to forge a relationship again

this is where i'm of two minds

the first is. it works! it's good! these are two adults (even with slow blaseball aging, they're now right around 30, they're older and more mature and able to understand each other) and they can enter a romantic relationship again.

the second - and i think this is a little more likely - is that it... sort of works. but it works in a "we'll go on dates when we're in the same city" way. it works in a "i'll spend some of my offseasons with you but not all of them" way. it works in a "nobody blinks when they say they're dating and nobody blinks when they say they're not" way. i think they're mostly capable of being friends and sometimes capable of dating. and, frankly, sometimes neither! it comes and it goes.

i've just hit a character limit for that bullet point section, which i didn't even know was possible, so i have to put a paragraph break here. okay moving on i guess

in s23 (or something) chorby goes on her fun little fifth base adventure and super-roams and that is, to me, her version of lenny's year in hades. it's chorby looking at boston and new york and saying i love these places but i can't stay here and i need something new. and that's breckenridge! a place for her to be whatever the fuck she wants.

to me semicentennial/pre-s24 vibes for lenny chorby are that song that plays on the radio sometimes that's like. i know, you know, we know, we weren't meant for forever and that's fine, but if the world was ending you'd come over, right? that's them. (this is the song i know i could've just said the name but. no)

in s24 despite having successfully evaded active play for a long time, lenny is stolen onto the queens' thieves guild. and like. this is hard. because lenny has a life in seattle. because lenny is unstable. because mike is fucking gone. because chorby is in colorado and lenny is leaving. because she doesn't want to go.

this is another thing where i have a lot of thoughts. pointing at a blink fic again, dying to live hews pretty closely to the "lenny and chorby having a bad time" of it all. and i'd like to say there's a version where they can be close and friendly despite everything, that lenny can learn from the mistakes chorby made when she got precog, i don't know how likely that is.

to me the most likely outcome is lenny calls and says i'm scared and chorby says i'm scared too but they don't fly across the country and run into each other's arms. they have other support systems, and that's good, and it's hard.

lenny dies in the gleek.

but she dies feeling like herself, she dies knowing that chorby loves her, she dies knowing that she did everything she could

as sort of an epilogue: the jazz hands go to the hall when it opens, and chorby and lenny get to see each other again. and it's good, and they both know this is a last time, in some way or another. they can say a real, legitimate goodbye.

chorby invites lenny to come along with the jazz hands and she declines. the garages invite lenny to come along with them too, and she declines. the tigers say we're going to the vault, and this one, lenny accepts.

this is the other fic that i would write (and have sort of written part of): lenny's last few months. lenny meeting sparks in the hall, and lenny saying goodbye to chorby. lenny going to the vault. lenny choosing her own life.

and chorby and the jazz hands don't quite make it to the vault, but they're in good company. chorby in particular has friends on the mills to be with even as they fall short of their goal. chorby is surrounded by people who love her.

to try and distill this down: i've called this a breakup arc or a divorce arc and i don't think that's true. i think they love each other and they will always be in love and i think there are parts of them that can never love each other again, and they have to live knowing that. i think they've said their goodbyes and got their closure and it was horrible and it was worth it. is it a happy ending? no. but at least it's a real ending.

this post is 2400 words. if you made it to the end............... i hope you feel good about having read it. because that's a lot of words

[mylittlesecrethaven]

Let's talk A Bit About Tokyo 24th Ward (1)

This is gonna talk about a lot, so I'm splitting this into about 5 posts. that way I can talk about all 21 of the topics for this. Yes, 21, because I overthink. I'll do 4 topics each post, except for the last one obviously. I was gonna split this into 7 posts originally, but I know for a fact I would have given up after the 5th post. So yeah, enjoy the little things I noticed in this show that are probably just me pulling at loose strings.

This is mainly gonna be about some of the topics I think Tokyo 24th Ward is trying to talk about, which there are a lot of. So, let's get started, I guess.

Past And Future:

This show goes a lot into how things in the past affect the future, but you shouldn't let the past hold you down. There's a lot of back and forth in the timeline because it shows what tiny events affected the future in the show. And it's completely on point. Even the smallest of choices can change the future drastically. Butterfly effect and all, y'know. There's more to talk about on this point, but I'm holding off for now until later points.

Right And Wrong:

Another really big theme. This is mainly shown through Ran, the graffiti artist who has escaped prison more times than I can count, and Koki, the son of a politician who follows the law almost to a T unless it conflicts with something he too strongly believes in. This show also goes into the topics of "how to define right and wrong" and "what is truly right and wrong" which is a huge debate in our world.

Death And Life:

Not as big of a topic, but death and life is a prevalent theme in the show. With Suido technically not being dead, that adds into the show by giving a "What truly is death" kind of standing point. Not a big topic, but still there.

Choices:

The most obvious talking point of the show. Also ties into pretty much every other topic I'm going to talk about. This show is pretty much focused on the point of "you have to make a choice." Even if you don't want to make the choice, you have to. That's life. There's no way around it. There are sometimes choices that have another option, there are sometimes choices that never had two options, and there are choices that you don't get to actually choose anything. It's a rough topic in real life, and causes plenty of struggles for everyone, and this show takes that real life aspect and cranks it up by 10. And sometimes, these options can cause so much stress that someone literally can't take it. This happens to Shuta in the later part of the anime, but he does get help from his friends, which is a good thing to do in real life as well. If you need help with something, getting help from someone you trust is the best thing. Don't just hold that stuff in like RGB did. It obviously did not do anything good for them.

(I took a break while writing this, so sorry if some of it reads differently at times.)

(I did not grammar check this post cause I didn't want to reread it)

[bellsyafterdark]

Hi I hope you're having a good day! I just wanted to pop by and say I came across your blog about 2 days a go and I've been steadily reading your works. You're an amazing writer but mainly I just wanted to say how greatful I was too see someone writing ftm experience and doing it so well (I've found it really tricky to find anything that feels genuine and not trans fetish) and it just about has made my week so thankyou 💚

Aw this message made my evening, thank you! I'm glad you've enjoyed the works and also that you've been able to enjoy the depictions of Din as trans ftm. I wanted it to inform but not define his experience because it shouldn't. None of us are a single dimension and even when I'm writing porn-- or maybe especially-- I want to enjoy the characters as fully dimensional people with histories, wants, conflicts, and anxieties, etc.

Now, I am almost certain that one day somebody will arrive in my inbox with the impression I've fetishised Din as a trans man because it triggered something in them from their personal journey. Those feelings are valid and real, and I'm sorry they've suffered for it. Humans can be shitty and if there's anything I've learned these past few years from my trans friends, it's that it's a hugely diverse experience. Like any. You've all had different journeys and are un/comfortable with different things.

I hope to mitigate offence by, well, demonstrating that I have in fact fetishised my cast equally. 😂

Paz the breeding stud who gets lovingly bullied into admitting how much he also wants permission to lay down his responsibilities, occasionally reduced to how much he can fill Din up? Fennec the mega domme with a literal belly of steel and toy collection as wide as Paz's service kink, who is in complete denial of how much she wants to let herself be loved? Boba the Big Daddy who just wants to show others a better life than what he endured, who would happily live out his days with someone he loves sitting on his cock, if only he himself wasn't sitting on a throne with imposter syndrome?

If you're on this blog, there's an explicit understanding you proceed because you're over 18 and you understand I am writing porn. 🥰 It may be dressed up in soap opera drama but it is what it is. For anyone reading my ball and chain au esp, I hope you'd come away with the feeling that if you were also ftm who decide not to get bottom surgery, you deserve to be worshipped (destroyed?) as well as Din with his pack.

All bodies are hot af. Sorry, my pansexual side is showing. 🤣🤣🤣 Idc what other pans say, ever day we suffer and stray further from God lmao it's way too much fun.

My stories where Din is labelled trans, it has occured to me that so far they're all explicit works. And I'd like to vary that up because, to me, I think it's a problem. But it's also made me think-- in the stories where Din keeps his clothes on, we don't need the assumption that he is cis. But rather than backtrack and re-label them, I thought it would be disingenuous because I did have him in my head as cis through those stories. I'd like instead to add to the minority where trans characters keep their clothes on.

I read a lot of the dialogues exchanged between trans readers to do my best to write porn... respectfully? 😂😂 It doesn't matter who has what genitalia or equipment, these characters would all behave exactly the same.

In another timeline, I'm writing about the pack taking apart cis Din with his Jacob's ladder cock piercings, anal tunnel plug and milking his prostate until he's crying.... (No please nobody submit asks about that I already have a backlog 😅) I'm seriously tempted to return to my intersex Din headcanons so I can just give him all the equipment and destroy him in every possible way (e.g. my vampire Din story and this is how he looks after you series). But then I would worry about misstepping with my intersex readers, I know your experiences are way more complicated than that.

The truth is I am a Din Djarin fetishist in every possible iteration of him. I don't care how it happens or which genitalia he has at the time. It just needs to happen. I need that grumpy murder dilf with a heart of gold made to rest by people bigger, meaner yet incongruously sweeter than him. I need it loud, yearning and messy. And sometimes the soft, slowest burn. I'm so fucking greedy for it, I won't lie.

In my observations of trans readers arguing for or against trans depictions, it has absolutely driven home that what people do or do not find acceptable is subjective (like all art) so I've done my best to label and tag appropriately, enabling readers to make informed decisions to protect themselves and hopefully have posts they don't want automatically hidden from them.

If you ever see something that I could reasonably adjust, please do reach out to share your ideas with me. There are no perfect solutions because we're all so varied in our needs, but it's always worth considering to mitigate the damage. 💛

[alittlefrenchtree]

Hiii, it's me again! I actually want to quickly move forward in my reading and not fall behind with notes. Because it makes less sense to write them if I already know what's going on 7 chapters ahead. So let's get started.

SPOILERS DUNE BOOK II : MUAD'DIB (Chapters 5-9)

Chapter 5:

*happy sigh 😌😌😌*

(learn silence, people. It's important.)

You already know how much I love this litany and if there's more in it, I'd be delighted.

Ok, I actually have a nerdy not really funny story about moving dunes. When the worm pops a bit later, Paul describes it at mound-in-motion and there's actually some truth about that. I've recently read an article (and I want to read more about it) about dunes and some scientist thinking that dunes are moving and communicating with each other (in their own mineral, sandy way of course). It sounds fascinating so I let you know if I learn more stuff more or less related to Dune.

This both hurt and feels relatable somehow, even if I don't know how exactly. I like the idea of things approaching from a different angle, of Paul being the only motionless point in a world that keeps spinning around him. The key then wouldn't be to change the world or even to do anything but only to adjust his own position in the universe so he ends up what he meant to be. And the sentence is pretty. The vision appeared to have shifted and approached him from a different angle while he remained motionless.

I still wonder how it works though. The visions and their changes. Do they significantly shift every time he comes close to death? Or say the litany of fear and survive? Or is it more realistic, the smallest details and decisions becoming the biggest changes? I wish Duncan would have been there with them and yet I like this journey through sand and survival just between Paul and Jessica. He probably would have been killed soon after anyway. Unless he's not really dead. Ok, moving on.

Remember when I said that Paul could have/find a way to control sand worms? And now he's saying this:

There are a lot of cues in these few chapters about worms, about riding (or whatever it's called) them with the hooks, about how they're in all likelihood the ones creating the Spice? That's why they're called makers? And that's what the Fremen who died with Hawat was about to called them? I kind of hope there is more to it though, other than only being respected because they're making the spice. There is another quote at the end of the chapter that intrigued me about the relation between Paul and the worms:

He looked at his hand. How inadequate it appeared when measured against such creatures as that worm.

I really like this chapter a lot. Firstly because I love scenes with only two characters so this is delicious for me. Secondly, I love reading about walks through endless lands with nothing but nature, so double yummy. Thirdly, there is a lot of informations. About the worms, and about how Paul is evolving in the desert. There is the rescue of his Mom but, even more importantly, how he rescues the pack. I think it's a very important scene both literally and metaphorically. It doesn't seem like an important scene but it really is in the building of the Paul's character. I hope to see it address in some way in the movie. Because not only he uses the Spice for another purpose than money and getting stronger or smarter or higher, but he uses it to take back what's necessary for his survival in the desert. If that's not adapting to Dune, I don't know what it is.

Chapter 6:

This is going to cause some trouble at some point, isn't it? Halleck and his people teaming up with smugglers, thinking the Atreides are dead. He's going to end up fighting against them without knowing it, right? 😔

Chapter 7:

Moooom, I love him so much 😭😭😭

But, I hate not knowing what's going on exactly and I hate it even more when it's about Paul and Paul's power so we're all going to sit here together, read this again and again util we've rambled enough to come up with AT LEAST five theories about something.

Like why. Why does he cross a time barrier at this precise moment? How does it work? He came close to death again so has he defeated another timeline where he was supposed to die? Hence the unknown territory, the darkness? Or are there defined blindspots? Around the worms maybe? Because of their spice maker job? Or is he just exploring and developing his new abilities? Learning to not rely only on his inner eye but on all of his powers and abilities? I need answers. I need to finish reading this book (books) and reading the theories of someone who's been thinking about every detail of them for the past 50 years.

I really liked this couple of chapters about Paul and Jessica's journey through the desert. You can really see Paul coming to terms with it. Fighting it, using it, accepting it, welcoming it. Seeing its beauty and his future in it. I'm looking forward this symbiosis. It looks beautiful.

Chapitre 8:

Ok, that was painful. Firstly, because I wasn't expecting to see Kynes die at this moment and secondly, because it was a very slow agony to witness. To be honest, I'm getting a bit tired to see characters die? It denies so much of the potential for characters development and for relationships development. The lack of it is going to become a bit sad for the whole story.

And it's heartbreaking to understand that Liet gave up his only chance of survival to save Paul and Jessica. I don't know how much he knew before, if he already knew he was going to die or if he thought he had a real chance but it's going to give so much power to Paul with the Fremen? If it becomes known that Liet died to save him and his mother, believing in them.

I supposed there is some kind of parallel to see here, between the previous chapter and this one, with Paul practically arising from the desert and Liet dying in it at the same time/shortly after? Like how Paul is supposed to take Liet's position of influence with the Fremen?

The chapter is also heavy on... social/political/ecological talks. Or one-sided conversation since the other side is dying. Not saying they shouldn't be there since they are the actual themes of the book but maybe it could have been made in a more natural way? Or not all at once?

But it made me think of Caladan. Which I could have done earlier, I agree. But Caladan is the planet of water, right? Water. The very thing Arrakis is lacking of and wants/needs. I would have like to see a bit more of Caladan, actually. How it was. How Paul was on it, actually. If he was as adapted as Caladan's environment than he seems to be to Arrakis'.

Chapter 9:

There it is. Paul as an outcast Duke finally facing Fremen forces for the first time.

This is a good chapter but I think the key point here is this:

I scrolled past a post the other day (without reading it entirely because of fear of spoilers), that was saying how people thinking Dune was about religion hadn't understand it because it was a story about propaganda. But, at the risk of sounding blasphemous and as a non-religious person... Isn't it kind of the same? Religion, propaganda, fandom,... At some point, there was someone with high powers of influence who comes to make people believe in something (whatever it's true, partially true, partially false or entirely false) to make them adopt a specific behavior, most likely a form of submissiveness? (@ tumblr porn bots, i'm not talking about you). What people make of that belief, it's what really matters.

What interested me more here is to consider this in relation to the opening chapter quote.

It's the eternal question with prophecies. Would a prophecy become true even if nobody knew about it or believe in it? Or do people, by acting according to it because they heard and believed it, make it real and effective? Did the Missionaria Protectiva create its own Kwisatz Haderach or would Paul would have been born with the same abilities and the destiny if they hadn't existed?

We see the future isn't set in stone in Paul's visions, but does his actions and decisions influence the shape of the future or is he just bumped from one predefined timeline to another? And are there really that much differences between the two? How many metaphysical questions can you write in one post?

Quick word about Chani before wrapping this one up. I think I'm going to like her? She seems cool at least. I'm not sure about Paul's reaction to her though. Yes, he supposed to be 15 but he's also something like half of a divinity so. *snorts*. Or maybe I'm just every day more tired of seeing romance being put everywhere and romanticized to the point of 99% people still thinking it's the ultimate form of love and relationship and the ultimate thing to achieve in life. OR maybe it's because everybody engaged in a classic couple-relationship immediately lost 12 points of esteem in my eyes. Don't know. Will see. I imagine I have to brace myself for Paul x Chani babies at some point, since it's 1964? If they survive that long. Very not looking forward to it. The babies, not the survival.

Anyway gotta go before I start wishing bad things to hypothetical fictional babies. Tschüss! 🌔💛

[moderngirlmp3]

ohh nice!! enjoy sour sjdlkf!!

absolutely!! dreaming is amazing, but to have the power to mesh your dreams for the future with your actual future is so much better and a hundred times more fun, like you said!

i completely agree bestie, the future is so vague while the past is defined by your memories and emotions, and yes it might not have played out the way you wanted it to but it happened!

"and i think of school from back when i enjoyed it, and i think of friends from back when i didn’t constantly worry about having them." t h i s. it's just so relatable and a little sad, because it shouldn't have to live like this. these times, referred to in past tense because truthfully, school as a whole is not so fun and enjoyable. and the world seems so much larger, so much more open and ready to whisk your friends, your people away. quote from call down the hawk that i was reminded of (it doesn't have any real spoilers, idk if you've read it yet): "It was not that he thought Adam would replace him. It was just that now he saw precisely what Adam could replace him with."

top few from sour: hope ur ok, jealousy, jealousy, good 4 u. i love all of them though, 10/10 album. i do like thinking about my past, it's nice to see what stands out. i love the nostalgia, the memories and good times. i will say that i spend a lot of time thinking about things i could have done better, even if it is unecessarry and minor. probably too much time, tbh, but we don't have to dwell on that! gosh,, that's a tough question. i'd say back, because i could make more memories, and go back with the knowledge that it might not last forever. then again, i think that could definitely mess some things up, and i don't know if i'd be able to look back on that childish joy and those same good times, because they would feel,, faker? i'm not sure. slight possibility of creating an alternate timeline but oh well fjsdklfjklsdjf !!

using your time travel question, i hope you don't mind! past, future, or none? what's something that you've always wanted to do as a "teenager"? do you have a favorite quote from a book/tv show/movie? it doesn't have to be something huge or inspirational, but just something that you keep coming back to? ily :))

GOD THAT QUOTE IM- i haven't read cdth yet but i've seen that quote and OW. my heart. yeah. but no literally that's it!! because like. in the beginning when you're younger you're just vibing and you're friends with everyone. but then you get older adn people start getting standards, or you start thinking people have standards, and suddenly you're not good enough or they're too good for you or there's just so much better options than you. and yeah. it happens.

okay all of those are amazing you have great taste in songs!! lmao 10/10 album more like 11/11 (sorry. there are 11 songs on the album and i had to do it).

"i could make more memories, and go back with the knowledge that it might not last forever." okay so don't mind me having so many feelings over this idea. god. being able to go back in time and remember everything, savor everything because now you know it won't last. you know it'll be over before you know it. yeah. interesting point that they would feel faker!! i definitely see that, like i think that some of childhood is that it passes by in a haze and is over before you know what's happened; that you can't fully remember it and all you recall is the sound of your friends' laughter and the taste of cookies from the 3rd grade bake sale and the smell of the asphalt on the playground outside of school. so i guess what i'm trying to say is if you remembered anything more specific than that it would feel a little bit less real. pretty much like you said lmao. sorry it's getting late and i'm getting rambly.

oh gosh... i honestly don't think i'd travel in time at all. i'm absolutely terrified of making anything worse. like, as dissatisfied as i might be with my life and whatever regrets i might have, i know it could be infinitely worse and i don't want to live knowing i could've just done nothing instead of choosing to meddle with something that i should've left alone. something i've always wanted to do as a teenager is sneak out of my house. like, even if i didn't really go anywhere, even if it was just with a friend, i want the experience!! sounds fun. oooh, or i guess what we were talking about a couple asks ago, being in a diner with a bunch of friends!! that sounds fun.

hmmm... favorite quote... gosh i always lose my memory just as anyone asks me a question about this. uhhh. okay i can't remember anything so i just went through my notes app and i have this quote written down. it's from the haunting of bly manor and it's from a mother to a daughter: “i have no honeyed words to speak. it is fierce out there, but you are fiercer.” i don't know why, but i just vibe with it. it makes me real happy to hear every time. oh, or the very simple "why is straight the default?" from love simon.

oooh now i'm curious!! what's a quote that sticks out for you? also, if you could read anywhere, where would it be? you could choose an actual geographical location or just like a specific room or even just like "a reading nook" or "my bed" or something lmao. oooh, also! bookstores or libraries, and why?