#like don’t have their attachment rules and give Jedi therapy

[smilesrobotlover]

Crying over Anakin and Ahsoka rn I am NOT ok over those two

[phoenixyfriend]

Anakin and the Jedi Babies: Where There’s a Whill, There’s a Windu

Context: original post, chrono

(Summary of the AU: Disaster lineage got tossed back in time. Anakin stayed 21-ish, but Obi-Wan and Ahsoka got deaged, took new names for time-travel reasons (Ylliben and Sokanth, or Ben and Soka) and have been officially adopted by Anakin.)

----------------------

“You’re attached.”

“You’re just now noticing?”

Master Windu eyes him for a few long moments, and then joins him on the ground. Anakin can’t help but smirk. There’s something gratifying about having respect from the man, in this life.

“The other members of the council are concerned.”

“And you aren’t?”

“I am, but for other reasons,” Windu says.

Anakin doesn’t meet his eyes, doesn’t even respond for a long minute. He just looks out over the Room of a Thousand Fountains, spread out below them like hundreds of jungles pieced together in a jigsaw of flora. It’s been his favorite room in the Temple since he was a child, and it’s always overwhelming.

“Most of them have accepted that you adopted them because of Mandalorian customs, and that you stayed where you were due to the will of the Force,” Windu continues. “But they are… uncomfortable with how blatantly your attachments show.”

“Mandalorians are loud and refuse shame. It rubbed off.”

“You said you would kill for these children.”

“I’m their father. That’s kind of expected.”

Windu’s expression is tired. A little tired of stress, but mostly tired of Anakin’s shit. “You know what I’m trying to get at.”

“Do I?”

“Skywalker.”

“No, I’m serious. I need you to spell this out. I’ve had a million slightly-contradicting lectures on this topic, and I’ve been told pretty clearly that I misinterpreted a solid half of them. If you want a constructive conversation, you can’t be vague. I’m thirty-three years old and a father of two, Master Windu, so yes, I’m attached. What you mean by that word is going to change where this conversation goes.”

It’s gratifying to see the Master actually think it over.

“Ylliben’s tattoos have been causing the most recent stir,” Windu finally says. “They nearly all relate to family, whether new or old, and the symbolism is concerning to those who are already upset about the Mandalorian upbringing. They worry that he’ll remain too tied to people he grew up with, and unable to maintain neutrality in future diplomatic ventures, or at risk of a fall if one of the people he’s seen fit to memorialize is injured or killed. The assume a similar state of mind may be applicable to your daughter and yourself, especially given the off-color jokes about how possessive your children are about each other.”

“They’re worried about emotional immaturity,” Anakin summarizes. He offers a wan, unimpressed grin. “They do realize he’s fourteen, right? Nobody’s emotionally stable at fourteen. The hormones are out of whack.”

“I’m aware,” Windu grinds out. “And I’m aware that your histories, of war and all such things, make your ties much stronger, but you can see why the Council worries, especially those who are wary of the memories your children carry but won’t explain. I’m the only one you’ve told, Skywalker.”

“Plo and Depa know.”

“Plo and Depa aren’t on the council.”

“Yet.”

“Skywalker.”

He relents. “It’s not about Mandalore, Master Windu. It’s about Tatooine.”

Windu lets that sit for a few moments, and then sighs. “I don’t know enough about Tatooine to parse that.”

“Shmi and I are former slaves,” Anakin says, as bluntly as he can. “I was freed at nine, she at eleven, and for all that we are free, we’re not freeborn. We were born slaves, and raised slaves, and we were freed too late to forget that life. The way we think is always going to be affected by the way we grew up. That applies to all sentients, more or less, but it’s… the slave mentality is completely at odds with Jedi teachings, because Jedi teachings can only be taught in a safe environment.”

Windu nods slowly, and says, “That does make sense, but it’s… forgive me, but that’s why we don’t normally take children older than four.”

“From the perspective of teaching cultural values, that makes sense,” Anakin allows. “Teaching a Jedi child that’s cared for with communal resources that they do not need material things to be happy is fine; trying to convince a slave child of the same, someone who grew up being told they do not deserve material things, and that their owner can take anything at any time, including family? I lived that life, trying to adjust to ascetic Jedi values that coincided poorly with slave rules. I know exactly how poorly that transition can go when the person caring for the child doesn’t know how to handle the points of conflict.”

“Do you regret joining the Jedi?” Windu asks.

Anakin shakes his head. “My Jedi master, bless him, cared, and tried very hard, but he wasn’t ready to handle a kid like me and in hindsight, I know that. He needed grief counseling, and I needed therapy, and neither of us was getting it. I don’t… I don��t believe anyone in the Temple would have known how to handle a kid like me.”

“But you don’t regret it.”

“I was meant to be a Jedi,” Anakin says, as firmly as he can without getting unnecessarily bitchy about it. “My struggles with the Code aside, I was meant to be here. But the Temple doesn’t have any resources for children who come older, and I think… I think you do need that.”

“You just outlined why a child can’t follow the Code if they come from a different enough background,” Windu says.

Anakin shakes his head. “No, that’s not—I think a kid like me can learn to be a Jedi, if a little unconventional, if they’re taught correctly. The desperation to cling to anyone and anything you have can be unlearned. It takes time and effort, but it’s possible. Soka and Ben are good at balancing Tatooine care with Jedi control. If you talk to Ben, you get an entire philosophical breakdown about it, but I’m more concerned with the child psychology, because that’s what could have broken me.”

Windu frowns. “You’re building up to something.”

“I think the Jedi need programs for children found older who can’t become full Jedi,” Anakin asserts. “Even those who cannot reconcile what they absorbed growing up with the Code and Jedi tradition… they, we, need guidance. The Council tried to reject me for being too old, and now that I’m grown I understand why, but… Master Windu, what do you think would have happened to me if I hadn’t had my Master to fight for me, and had been turned away?”

“We’d have looked into placing you back with your mother and, upon finding out that she was still enslaved, secured her freedom,” Master Windu says. “Qui-Gon Jinn had taken responsibility for you, and thus you were a ward of the Temple until such a time as you were safe again. It would have been cruel to keep you from your mother if we were not to raise you a Jedi, and crueler still to allow you to return to slavery.”

“And you think I’d have been safe with her?” Anakin asks. He needs Master Windu to understand this. “You think that would have ended well?”

“You don’t?”

“Ventress,” Anakin says. “Maul. Aurra Sing, even.”

Windu considers that. He looks across the grand, green room of the garden, and finally speaks. “You think you’d have been found and corrupted by a Sith.”

“I’d already helped Naboo win a battle. I was a powerful child with no support system in this respect, eager to please,” Anakin says. “Ventress and Maul both got twisted into Sith Apprentices. Aurra Sing was just a bounty hunter, but… even if the Jedi had never found me, and the Sith remained unaware, do you think I’d have ended up better than Sing? Or would the pressures of slavery have led to my Fall anyway, eventually slaughtering my owner, the Hutts, the entire system of Tatooine’s hells?”

Windu rubs a hand over his forehead. “I understand what you’re getting at.”

“It’s not just me,” Anakin says, as carefully as he can. “Even without the Sith, there are plenty of Force-Sensitive children in terrible situations that are liable to Fall just because of how power is wielded by those at the bottom. Refusing to take on students who are already at risk… the Jedi are meant to monitor Force users to prevent Sith and other dark-aligned people from harming the galaxy. It’s one of our primary duties. If the Jedi are allowing darksiders to rise just because of an age limit…”

“I get it,” Windu says, just a little aggressive. “I understand. Give me a minute.”

Anakin tries to wait. He’s older now, he can do that. He can be patient.

He tries to convince himself that it’s true.

“You have a point,” Master Windu finally allows. “And with the knowledge that the Sith are out there, still, it’s a more salient point than most would think. The EduCorps already has a subdivision for teaching meditative techniques to low-level force users who need to learn shielding but aren’t sensitive enough to be Jedi, or are just too old, but I see your point about encouraging a program for powerful Force-Sensitives that aren’t discovered early enough to integrate into the community in full.”

“And a more comprehensive Search pattern for the Outer Rim?” Anakin suggests. He shrugs at the look he gets. “What? You’ve seen my midicount. I was on Tatooine for almost a decade, and the only reason anyone found me was that Qui-Gon had to crash a ship in the middle of nowhere. I’m sure the Force led him to me, given all the coincidences, but that’s still a solid nine years that nobody did, despite how I apparently ‘shine like the sun’ or whatever.”

“Humble.”

“The last time I took a midichlorian test on a portable counter, it literally broke the device. That’s not arrogance, that’s just absurd.”

Windu looks exhausted by the comment. Anakin can’t bring himself to feel too bad about it.

“What about Jedha?” Anakin suggests instead. “Jedi find the kids, but if they’re too old to be Jedi, we could coordinate with one of the temples at Jedha to see about having them raised in the traditions of the Whills? They’re a little less orthodox, aren’t they?”

“In some respects,” Master Windu says. “More constrained in others, but… it’s a possibility. Most of the overlooked children, yourself included, are from parts of the Outer Rim that aren’t part of the Republic, Skywalker.”

Anakin shrugs. “And many of them would have been happy to be found and collected by a Jedi, even if they couldn’t become Jedi. Not the Dathomiri, since they’ve got their own thing going on, but… from what I know about Ventress, she actually did have a Jedi Master before the situation on Rattatak became… what’s the word… untenable? He died and she was left alone, and she’d been a slave already and it just… did not end well for her. But that was a planet overrun by pirates and warlords, and would have been approved as a planet the Jedi could help without it being a weird colonialism thing… if the Senate weren’t made up of cheapskates, at least.”

“Skywalker.”

“My name isn’t actually a reprimand, you know.”

“You’re not supposed to just say that,” Windu groans, running a hand over his face. “The Senate’s choice in funding is not optimal, but insulting them in that way, even in private—”

“They’re assholes,” Anakin says, and doesn’t let his humor show. “Except my late wife, but she’s not part of the Senate in this time, so I feel no shame in accusing the entire shitshow of being cheapskates.”

Windu looks about ready to push him off the ledge.

“You’re never allowed to go on diplomatic missions, are you?” Windu mutters.

“Unless it’s to Mandalore,” Anakin clarifies. “Also, never send me to Tatooine. Ever. Please. I kriffing hate that planet.”

“I’m going to assume you have plans to kill a Hutt if we ever send you to—”

“Yes.”

“Okay,” Windu sighs. “I’ll discuss this with the Council, see how they feel about reaching out to Jedha for your suggestion regarding the Whills.”

“And you’ll tell them not to worry about my kids?”

“Skywalker, they are never going to stop worrying about your family,” Windu tells him.

“That’s fair.”

[triptuckers]

The Necklace - Captain Rex

Request: no Pairing: Captain Rex x jedi!reader Summary: Five times you and Rex have given each other your necklace, and the one time you wear it for the last time Warnings: major character death!!, angst, mentions of serious injuries, burning, blood, bruises Word count: 3.2K A/N: I always wonder why do I do this to myself .. anyway, my brain made me write this and put it out there. I deeply apologise for this feel free to send me ur therapy bills TAG LIST (all star wars fics): @parker-natasha​ @romanoffstarkovs​ @just-deka​

One.

It’s quiet in the Temple. You have to admit it’s rarely crowded in the halls. The Temple is quite a large building, and not nearly enough Jedi to fill it. And even if there were, at least half would be off fighting the war.

You’re grateful for the time you get to spend at the Temple. The long hallways always calm you down. No matter how long you had been away, it always felt good to come home to the Temple where you’d grown up.

It’s the place where you learned the ways of the force, where you’d spent hours reading everything you could find on the Jedi and their ways. You’d meditated in the gardens countless of times, and you’d found your family.

But most importantly, you met Rex.

He knew just as well as everyone else attachment was against the Jedi code. Still, you were pulled to one another by some sort of feeling you couldn’t explain. It made you want to spend every moment you got with him.

As your relationship blossomed, you knew you had to talk about the restrictions. You didn’t like it, but there were just some rules you had to follow, for both yours and Rex’ sake.

It didn’t stop you from occasionally sending a flirtatious wink his way, if only to watch his cheeks flush as he tried to remain focused on his tasks.

You were desperate for some kind of affection outside the safe walls of your quarters. When you were on a planet near the Outer Rim, and you waited as they refuelled your ship, you took the opportunity to check out the local market.

You found a beautiful, handcrafted silver necklace, and you just couldn’t leave it behind. When you got back to Coruscant, you showed the necklace to Rex, and you noticed how much he loved it.

When you wanted to give the necklace to him, he declined, saying it looked too good on you, that he couldn’t take it from you. So, you made a promise. The one wearing the necklace would give it to the one who wasn’t wearing it whenever they saw them, with the promise they’d be there to wear it again next time you’d meet.

Your walk around the Temple takes you through the silent halls. You don’t really notice where you’re going, your mind wandering off to other places. You turn a corner and see a door opening in the distance.

A few Jedi, Anakin, Ahsoka, Obi-Wan, Mace and Yoda exit the room, followed by Rex and Cody. You smile at them and they all greet you as they go their separate ways.

Rex is deep in conversation with Obi-Wan, Anakin, and Cody, but briefly stops when you pass him. He takes the necklace off and gives it to you with a smile. You return the smile as you put it on, and Rex continues his conversation with the others while you continue your walk, the necklace bouncing against your chest with every step you take.

Two.

You’ve done it a thousand times before, but landing near a battle is still something that could get your anxiety up. That creeping fear that a well aimed blaster shot could take out your engines and send you to the ground a lot faster than you intended, would never ease.

You hold on tight as the ship starts its landing.

The 501st and the 212th were already on the scene, fighting for their lives. Everyone had thought that they would manage, but that was before the Separatists sent in reinforcements. Because you and your men were closest, you received an urgent comm from Anakin and didn’t hesitate before gathering all of your men and heading towards their position.

Once you’ve landed and everyone has left the ship, you start giving out orders. Even though you’re not near the heat of the battle, you have to yell to be heard over the shouts and blaster shots from others.

You send your men to the frontlines while you take your second in command to look for the other generals and commanders.

As you’re running through the chaos, you’re contacting Anakin. Luckily, he responds almost immediately.

‘We saw your ship!’ he says loudly. ‘We’re on the right side, near the trees!’

‘Copy!’ you shout in your comm and you wave your second din command over, making for the tree line in the distance. You glance at the troopers as you’re running, trying to find Rex. He might be next to Anakin and Ahsoka, waiting for you to arrive. But you know Rex, and it’s also very possible he’s in the front lines.

It takes shorter than you expected to cross the battlefield. When you make it to the trees, you quickly spot your fellow Jedi, and Rex and Cody along with them.   Ahsoka is the first to notice you, and she waves at you as you’re running toward them.

You come to a halt in front of them, panting.

‘Thanks for coming so quickly.’ says Obi-Wan.

‘Yeah.’ you manage to say in between breaths. ‘What’s our status?’ you ask as you take off your necklace and blindly hand it to Rex, who is standing next to you.

‘We’re suffering a lot of casualties.’ says Ahsoka, not taking notice in you giving Rex the necklace.

‘You and your men are much needed.’ says Rex, and you turn to look at him. ‘We’re severely outnumbered.’ he says as he puts on the necklace.

‘We have a plan, though.’ says Anakin, and he starts explaining it.

Three.

It takes you a while to figure out what caused you to suddenly wake. You didn’t have any plans or meetings you had to attend to today, and you had planned on a relaxed morning of just staying in bed.

Your legs are tangled with Rex’, and one of his arms is swung across your stomach. Mornings like these are rare, and you wish you could stay like this forever.

No war, no pain or suffering, no Separatist this or Jedi business that. Just you and Rex, holding each other.

Occasionally, you hear soft snores coming from his side of the bed. You raise your hand to softly run it over his back. It’s only then, that you realise it isn’t his snores that woke you.

You comm is beeping furiously on the bedside table.

For one of the first times, you’re seriously considering just ignoring it. You didn’t have any plans today, you even declined Ahsoka’s offer of a training session, stating you needed your rest now that you didn’t have any formalities to attend. And with rest you meant staying in bed with Rex.

But what if it’s important? Says an annoying little voice in the back of your head.

You groan softly, reaching out to try and get a hold of your comm. You can’t reach it, but you also don’t dare to shift, scared of waking Rex. So instead, you use the Force and let your comm device land in the palm of your hand.

‘Yea?’ you say. It’s Anakin who answers.

‘Hey, Y/N, do you think you’ve got time to go over some maps with me? I’m assigned to traveling with Senator Amidala, she needs to go settle another trade incident. It doesn’t seem like a big deal, but these maps sure do.’ he says.

‘Can’t Padmé go over those maps with you if she’s the going to the planet in the first place?’ you ask, not wanting to leave your comfortable and warm bed.

‘She’s on Naboo. I’m supposed to pick her up on the way there.’ answers Anakin.

‘Okay, fine. I’ll come see you at your quarters in a few minutes.’ you say.

‘Thanks!’ says Anakin.

You sigh and throw the comm device on the bed. You look to your side and see Rex is still asleep. It makes you chuckle. You could probably drop a bomb on the building, and the sound just wouldn’t wake him up.

You slowly untangle your legs from his and lift his arm so you can get up. You silently get dressed before hovering over his body.

Kisses are pressed to his cheeks, nose and forehead. Rex only shifts a bit, but doesn’t wake up. You take the necklace off and carefully place it around his neck. With one last kiss, you leave your quarters and head for Anakin’s.

Four.

You exhale sharply when you land on your back.

‘And that-’ says Ahsoka’s voice above you. ‘Is how you take someone out when you don’t have your lightsaber on you.’

A small round of applause comes from the younglings you’re teaching. Originally, they were Ahsoka’s class but she asked you to join her in some examples, and you agreed. Though she hadn’t told you just how many times she was going to throw you on the ground.

‘Impressive.’ you say as you take a hold of Ahsoka’s extended hand and allow her to pull you to your feet.

‘All right kids.’ you say to the small group of younglings in front of you. ‘You’ve seen how it works now. Pair up with someone else and go try it out yourselves.’

They all excitedly pair up and get to work. You smile as you watch them struggle, thinking back to your own training sessions as a youngling.

‘I’m pretty sure we weren’t that small when we were younglings.’ you say to Ahsoka. ‘You were.’ she says, making you raise your eyebrows at her. ‘I’m taller than you.’ you protest, making her laugh out loud.

You watch the younglings for a while, correcting them every now and then. They’re very good for kids their age, and you can tell they’re fast learnings. You’re wondering if one of them might become your padawan, and about all the things you could teach them.

Just as Ahsoka tells everyone to take a break while she explains the next useful movement, the door to the training hall opens.

The clones didn’t train much in the Temple’s halls, but they did on the occasion theirs was too crowded. Or if they had been near the Temple and didn’t feel like traveling far.

A couple of the 501st have entered the room, and you scan their faces for Rex. He’s the last one to enter and you smile at him as he makes his way toward you. When he’s almost reached you, he takes off the necklace.

Just as he hands it to you, one of the younglings gasps loudly.

‘You’re Captain Rex of the 501st!’ he says.

Rex looks at him and nods. ‘That’s right kid. Keep up your training and I might see you out on the front some day.’ he says and the younglings look up at him in awe.

You chuckle at their reaction and shoot Rex a wink. He smiles at you, waves at Ahsoka, and then returns to his brothers to start their training session.

Five.

You don’t get a lot of free time nowadays. So when you do, you use it well. You’re currently in the gardens, meditating.

When you were younger, you didn’t like meditating very much. You would much rather be working on your lightsaber skills, than sitting in one spot of hours.

But as you got older, you realised the importance of connecting with the Force, and you started to appreciate alone time more.

Luckily, the gardens weren’t very crowded when you arrived. You took place in your favourite spot, closed your eyes and slowed your breathing.

After a while, you noticed other people’s presences in the force fading away one by one. Until you could feel no one else’s presence, and it was just you.

You’re unaware how much time has passed, when you sense a familiar presence coming closer.

You smile, but keep your legs crossed and your eyes closed. You hear footsteps coming closer, until they come to a stop right next to you.

There must be no one else watching, because you feel how Rex presses a kiss to your cheek. You then feel something cold be placed carefully around your neck. You smile again and after another kiss to your cheek, Rex leaves again, and you continue your meditation.

Six.

This war had taken too much from too many people. Everyone was tired of it, and everyone just wanted it to end. You were tired, too. You’d seen too many of your friends die, and too many innocent people you couldn’t save.

You weren’t a soldier. You’re a peacekeeper. But you can’t remember the last time you actually referred to yourself as one, let alone feel like it.

Still, the war raged on, like a hot fire turning everything in its path into ashes, leaving nothing but grief and sorrow behind. The war was unforgiving, merciless, swallowing everyone and everything in its path.

You couldn't stand by and watch anymore. Especially when all the fighting got too close for your taste.

You'd been sent to a planet you visited a lot when you were a child. It was a peaceful, neutral planet. Until the Separatists came to claim it. The planet's original inhabitants didn't have the proper training or recourses to fight, so the Republic sent you and your men there.

When you got to the planet it was nothing but chaos. The Separatists had wanted to take control of the planet for its strategic location. It seems they would do anything to get their hands on it.

Including wiping out an entire race of people.

You couldn't let that happen. You had been right there to see so many people get injured or killed because of the Separatists. You wouldn't stand by and watch yet another peaceful planet be taken.

The Separatists were using a new kind of droid, one that could follow orders all at once because of one single command center. You'd sent your men to keep fighting on the front lines, and to protect the people.

You would disarm the command center, so their commands couldn't get to the droids on the battlefield.

But you weren't an expert on shutting down such a massive command center on your own. While thinking back to all the happy memories you made in the past when you visited this planet, the only option you could think of was to blow up the entire command center.

You didn't have any explosives on you, so you decided to fling both of your lightsabers into the power generator. At the time, you didn't even know if it would work. Turns out it did. Maybe it worked a little too well.

The blast was enormous. You successfully blew up the entire command center, and your men could pick the droids off like target practice.

But when your second in command didn't hear back from you, he sent a few men to go and look for you.

They found you near the center of the blast, severely injured and barely alive.

They rush you back to the ship and on the way back to Coruscant, while the medical droids aboard the ship do the best they can. But they're losing you, and it's unwise to move you at this point, so they keep you aboard the ship.

Having heard of your state, both Anakin and Ahsoka rushed to the ship you're on in the hangar.

They watch anxiously as the medial droids fuss over you. Ahsoka can see your body is as good as lost, but she can still sense your presence in the Force. It's all she can hold on to.

Meanwhile, Anakin is trying to get a hold of Rex. He'd been suspecting something was going on between you and his captain. He figured if anyone needed to be there, it's Rex.

'Yes?' says Rex when he finally answers his comm.

'Rex, you need to get here.' says Anakin, voice slightly breaking as he talks. He was so terrified to lose you.

'Everything alright, sir?' says Rex.

'It's Y/N.' says Anakin.

Rex is quiet for a while.

'Rex?' says Anakin.

'Where is she?' asks Rex, and they can all hear how he tries to keep his voice steady.

'On the ship in the hangar. They just arrived but they can't move her.' says Anakin.

'I'm on my way.' says Rex.

Anakin knew for a fact Rex was nowhere near the hangar, but he arrives there in mere minutes. He must have ran all the way here.

Ahsoka stops Rex before he can enter the room you're in. Rex is breathing heavily, pressing a hand to his side which is aching from the sprinting.

'Rex.' says Ahsoka softly. 'She's not-'

But Rex doesn't let her finish, he pushes her aside and enters the room.

He nearly breaks at the sight of you. Rex blindly reaches for something to steady him as he stumbles on his feet, and Anakin catches his arm.

Rex' eyes fill with tears as he looks at you.

This is not how he remembers you. This is not how you looked when you cheerfully waved him goodbye as your ship took off.

The robes you always wear are covered in dust and ashes. There's burn marks all over them. On some places, the fabric of the robes was completely gone, showing the burn wounds on your skin.

The side of your head is crusty with a mixture of dried blood and dirt. One side of your body is littered in bruises, from where you must have hit a wall.

'There was a blast.' mumbles Anakin. 'She blew up the generator and disarmed all of the droids. She saved an entire planet from the Separatists.'

Rex presses a hand to his mouth and mumbles something in Mando'a which Anakin doesn't understand.

He slowly approaches the bed, one hand reaching out to hold yours. His other hand is clutched around the necklace he wears.

This wasn't happening. You still had to win the war, get your own apartment for the two of you, tell war stories to new friends. This couldn't be the end of your story. This couldn't be his last memory of you.

Rex lets go of your hand to stroke your cheek.

Anakin and Ahsoka leave the room, giving Rex a moment of privacy.

'Wake up, mesh'la.' says Rex softly, voice breaking at almost every word he says. 'Wake up so I can give you the necklace. You promised you'd always be there to take it from me when we'd see each other.'

And you do wear the necklace one more time. Rex slid it around your neck, and buried it along with your body.

And every battle he fights in the future, he does in the name of his beloved General Y/L/N. There was no reason to keep it a secret any more. He'd dedicate every single fight to you. He owed you that much. He kept your memory alive.

Every night, his heart aches because of the absence of your shared necklace. The absence of your love, and your promise to always be there.

A/N: If you want to request something, make sure to read my house rules Here’s the list of characters I write for. Everything that I have written can be found on my masterlist. Please don’t repost my work, as I spend much time and effort on it!! Thank you for reading! Much love, Marit

[inept-writer]

another clone wars obikin fix-it

k so i actually started writing this one but i will probably never finish it soooo

sorry for any typos lol im too lazy to go through it and spell-check

ok so the war ended and everyone is happy and nothing hurts

and like im thinking the jedi council realised what a dumb idea the no attachment rule is so like they can now have relationships BUT they have to do like couples therapy frequently even if they're like fine

and stuff like that idk

and they are generally discouraged from going on missions together

also still can't have biological kids

anyway yeah all this too make unapologetic fluff happen without obiwan needing to be a ball of angst lol

anyway yeah so

obiwan tries to woo anakin

but his flirting skills seem to fall short

or i mean

he basically flirts with everything that moves including anakin so like ani can't tell the difference between regular obiwan and "i wanna get it on" obiwan lmao shsjskks

basically he's an idiot wow who knew

so like at first he tries to be subtle

like giving compliments and being a bit flirty

gentle innuendos here and there but nothing extreme

but then ummmmm ani is dumb lol and doesn't get it at ALL

so he needs to step up his game

but NO GIFTS cuz that's always so awkward in fics and like aaaa no gives me too much sugar daddy vibes since he's older yuck

ok but maybe like he starts taking care of ani

like making sure he sleeps, makes food and caf for him, stuff like that

but when THAT doesn't work he begins operation touch anakin as much as possible whilst still being (mostly) appropriate 

so he like brushes his hair from his eyes and actually lol a lot with his hair bc im protecting my own obsession with ani's hair onto obiwan lol

anyway yeah so he basically touches him like a hand on his shoulder or grabbing his waist when he reaches for smt on a higher shelf

u know that thing that's like so fkn hot when someone crowds u in and comes up behind u to reach for smt on a tall shelf droooools

ok imma stop being creepy now i promise

ok no i don’t lol

and at this point anakin seems to like be a bit suspicious but still a dumbass

so at LAST obiwan prepares a date for them

only ani has no idea it's a date lmao

anyway so he like makes yummy food and has flowers and stuff and is planning to just tell ani he loves him uwu how cute

but um

anakin like forgets they were supposed to have dinner and is off flying or smt idk

so obiwan throws the flowers away and like is sad

and he's about to go to bed and just forget the whole thing when anakin comes back

not understanding that he done fucked up

so he's all happy and on adrenaline from flying

and he's like hi obiwan! and obiwan is too tired to even

so he's like bitch ur late u know

and anakin is like yeah it ain't that big of a deal right lol

and obiwan is like yeah no i guess ur right nvm

and like tries to just go to bed

but ani is like bitch what is up with you you've been acting hella whack lately

and obi wan is like mhmm yeah wonder why

ans ani's like que

tell me why then bitch

ans obi wan spills the tea

no but he's like ani i love u but you dumb as hell

i habe been f l i r t i n g

like bitch keep up

and he like says basically

i was trying to show my romantic interest in you subtly but then since i realised ur as dense as a kyber crystal i was just gonna ask you

but now i realise that that was dumb and im sorry i made you uncomfortable

let's never speak of this ever again k byeee

and anakin is like bitch no hold up

this has been FLIRTING?

omg wait yeah

and he realises it has been

and goes super red lol baby

and he's like well uuuuuu i mean MAYBE if you weren't so bad at flirting i would have understood

which makes obi wan TRIGGERED bc like that's coming from anakin "i don't like sand" skywalker lmao

but ani realises what he said sounds bitchy and is like no no i meant uuuu

i like you

too

i uuuuuu

aaaaaaaaaa feelings

talking

i am malfunctioning

basically that

and they're both fluffy and awkward and super flustered aaaawww

[prongsisabadger]

TWP Chapter 24

I really needed to stop getting injured on the battlefield, eating med bay food was getting a little old. That, and Master Plo had threatened to bench me unless I learned some self-preservation. I couldn't really argue with him on that point, I did have a tendency to put myself in harm's way to spare others, the thing is, that if I was getting injured this often it was because I was risking myself the way clones did on a regular basis. If they thought I was getting injured a lot, it was because clones were getting killed a lot. That didn't erase the fact that I probably had a savior complex and needed therapy, but that was beside the point. At the end of the day, it was all worth it. I didn't do these things for the clone's gratefulness or recognition, but it felt nice all the same. The best part of doing what I did was seeing the injured clones I saved being released from medical care. That was what kept me going.

Different battalions had different ways of showing loyalty, affection and gratefulness, I came to realize. The Pack made sure to integrate you to the force, welcome you in with open arms and regard you as a full fledged member of the family. The 501st was a little more clumsy in their approach, they refused to call you anything but the title they'd chosen for you and on rare occasions saluted you or even patted your shoulder or back.

The 212th on the other hand, were the kind of men that returned the favor silently. Just like their general, they were better at showing rather than telling, which is why T.H Boil and Waxer were assigned to be my official wingmen. And by wingman I mean shadows. It had been a unanimous decision of the three after the skirmish on Naboo. They had approached Commander Cody, and then General Kenobi with the idea. If I was going to put myself in so much danger for their sake, the least they could do was make sure I didn't get myself killed in the process, they said. Master Kenobi found the wording very amusing. He agreed to it because it would give him a little peace of mind since it would be harder for me to get killed with people actively trying to stop me from doing so.

A little peace of mind and a ton less anxiety. But he never said that, of course. Obi-Wan Kenobi would be dead before he told anyone a situation made him have feelings, but I had grown amongst the sand people and then lived with the Kel Dor. I knew stoic when I saw it, and I had learned how to read it. Master Kenobi was a lot easier to read than he thought, one just had to look at his actions rather than his words. There was a reason he had perfected sarcasm and made it into an art form, there was a reason for him to grow silent when things got rough. Obi-Wan Kenobi was many things, cold was not one of them.

I did also realize I would have to be more careful though. Severe injuries would be quite detrimental to my health in the long run, and I still wanted to be able to protect people once the war ended. But in order to do so, I would have to survive that long first. The thought of the war ending seemed incredibly far-fetched at the moment. Conflicts were starting in all corners of the galaxy, those that were already in motion continued to escalate, and the GAR's troops continued to be stretched even more thinly. The kaminoans were working overtime to provide fresh troops to aid the overworked ones and Jedi were being Knighted left and right to make up for the lack thereof in the battlefield. Things were complicated, and they would get even worse long before the war came to an end.

But there was no use in thinking about the future, I had to make sure to be present in the moment or I ran the risk of making mistakes I would surely regret. For now, I had to rest and recoup as best as I could and start preparing for our next assault on Felucia. We would be working alongside the 501st once again, and there was much work to do still. We had two battalions to coordinate, a patrol to organize and a planet to take. Even if battles often forced one to throw the plan out the window, it paid well to be prepared.

During my time in the med bay, I'd gotten into the habit of calling The Pack. It was usually Art who had the holo transmitter and passed it around the barracks whenever we spoke. I hadn't realized just how much I missed them until I was put on bed rest for an entire week after Naboo and there had been no one with me. No Art to tease me for being reckless, no Headfirst to punch my arm for being stupid, no annoyed Twitch to grumble about my savior complex. There was no Wolffe either to be angry at me in that quiet, exasperated way of his, no pat on the shoulder.

Naturally, none of them had said a thing about it when I called, only Art did that first time and quit instantly when I didn't laugh with him. They understood, they didn't say it but they missed me too. I would tell them about my day and they would return the favor, maybe throw in a funny anecdote of something silly one of them had done. It felt extremely lonely, but it comforted me to know they were there, whole, healthy and alive.

"Took your time," said Art when I called.

I had waited until the end of the day when I could have some peace and quiet in my quarters. I was sitting crossed legged on my bunk, the holo transmitter on the mattress in front of me.

"Sorry, we're moving in on Felucia soon so last minute details are taking most of my time," I answered honestly before yawning. "How 's the gang? You guys going anywhere soon?"

"Not right now, the General is dealing with things in the Temple and we were given a few days off before we are assigned another quadrant patrol," he said sitting down on his own bunk. "Things are quite boring without you here, Commander. None of the boys will let me work on them."

"That's because none of us want our entire bodies tattooed like the Commander does." Said a voice outside the hologram. It was most likely Headfirst.

I chuckled and smiled fondly, I missed them so much.

"Well, this will be my last assignment with Master Kenobi until new orders come in, so you'll have your canvas back in no time, Art." I said. "Just make sure you find some blue and orange ink, I'm gonna need it."

"How many?" He asked somberly, as if he felt the weight of every name he tattooed on my skin.

"Fourteen blue, one orange," I answered. "Orto Plutonia was especially rough on the 501st. I'll tell you about it when I see you."

I knew there was a chance of someone overhearing my conversations with Art, and although Jedi were allowed their opinions, my thoughts on Chairman Cho weren't exactly Jedi-like.

"Make sure you do," he answered before leaning back on his bunk and smirking. "By the way, Wolffe found out what you did on Naboo. He isn't happy."

I groaned, the man was going to put me through the grinder for this one. One thing was shielding someone on instinct, another thing entirely was compromising one's own health because 'I'm gonna die anyway'.

"Fuck, he's gonna kill me."

"Nah, he's just concerned for you, and a little overprotective if you ask me. I told him already Jedi can't have relationships but he doesn't seem to-"

"Art, stop teasing the man, he's got enough on his plate already."

"I'm just saying, if he wants to get laid, he should look elsewhere, Jedi code and everything…"

I laughed hard. I sometimes forgot the clones were younger than me even if they didn't look it.

"I mean he could if he found a Jedi looking to let off some steam." I kept laughing.

But Art seemed to freeze. He sat so still all of a sudden that I thought the signal was getting cut.

"What do you mean?" He asked finally, seemingly forcing himself out of his shock.

"Well, Jedi aren't allowed possessive relationships and emotional attachments, sex isn't necessarily forbidden. It depends on how the Jedi decides to interpret the c-"

"Are you telling me none of you are virgins?!" He probably was a little too loud about it considering he was inside the barracks, but I didn't really mind telling him since it was a common misconception.

"Are you telling me you thought Obi-Wan Kenobi was?" I laughed. "A man is not that sassy and confident if he isn't a great lay, he screams big d-"

"But wait, that means you…"

I laughed even harder.

"Is that really what you are worried about?" I wiped the tears from my eyes as I tried to answer without making him feel stupid about it. "I could if I wanted to, Art. I just chose not to because I need an emotional connection with a person to even want it, and since I am a Jedi and we don't allow those, sex isn't something I want because to me it implies an emotional attachment."

There was a beat of silence as he considered this. He even looked around beyond where the Hologram ended, probably to see if his brothers were as baffled by this as he was.

"I feel cheated," he said finally. "You are telling me I might have had a chance with General Fisto?"

I smirked and raised my eyebrow, now this was new intel to me.

"Art, I don't think the GAR rules of conduct allow for that either, regardless of Master Fisto's status as a Jedi."

He sighed dramatically.

"Yeah, I know but still."

I yawned again and tried to cover it with my hands. The day had been quite hectic, and I had an early morning the next day in order to put the finishing touches on the plan. I said goodbye to Art and turned the transmission off. Chatting with my friend always put me in a better mood, and to have that comfort before heading to bed made for very uneventful nights. I would let him deal with the new information I'd dumped on him, it would take a while for him to assimilate. It would also be less fun to stop him from trying to get me -or Force forbid, Master Plo Koon- laid. Art was a romantic at heart, he thrived when playing matchmaker, and I would definitely be one of his targets. I didn't mind though, it was fun to frustrate people into giving up.

I put the holo transmitter away before changing into my sleeping clothes. As I layed down,it occured to me that having such strong attachments to those around me might not be wise. But it felt so right, to have people to care for, to be cared for. It felt right to have friends, to have family, to have the care, love and loyalty of people. Oh and to give it back, to return it was even better. To protect, to care, to love, to miss. How could it be wrong? Yes, the explanation was simple enough. Attachments create strong feelings, and if those feelings are hurt then the way the person reacts might lead them to the dark side. But is it not the reaction the problem rather than the attachment? Surely healthy coping mechanisms and emotional maturity would be much more detrimental to the dark side, wouldn't they?

Wouldn't they?

[levitatingbiscuits]

Y'all I genuinely don't believe that Anakin could ever have a true happy ending with his family

During his marriage to Padme, they literally never spent more than a few weeks at a time together. The longest time they spent with each other was most likely when Anakin was acting as her bodyguard in AotC (during which he loses his mother, a limb, and commits a horrific mass murder so like... he had a lot of shit going on). Then he's fighting in a war and training a padawan and generally only getting a few stolen days/weeks with her every couple of months. Did they ever argue? Or even just deal with a conflict together? Because the first time we ever see her disagree with him he chokes her out despite her being nine months pregnant and him having reoccurring nightmares about her inevitable demise.

I honestly believe that Anakin would have ended up becoming an abuser. Their relationship has all the classic warning signs: begins with him putting her on an impossibly high pedestal, basically using her as his therapist for all his emotional issues, getting into jealous rages when she spends time with other men, being dangerously codependent, and then getting violent when she ever "defies" him.

The only reason they lasted as long as they did is Padme's enabling behavior. She tells him they can't be together then immediately gets with him despite the ethical concerns, tells him it's totally ok that he murdered a bunch of children despite her being a senator and thus supposed to hold people accountable to the rule of law, and is in total denial about him murdering MORE innocent children despite her being the only person that knows about his penchant for massacres, and even when she confronts him she doesn't get mad or yell, she just weeps. I subscribe to the theory that Anakin was subconsciously and continuously mind tricking her because I don't think a senator as accomplished and dedicated to democracy and justice as her would EVER overlook the crimes Anakin confessed to her. But I'm also REALLY concerned that the enabling behavior would have continued even if they raised their children together.

Let's face it: Anakin has a disturbing proclivity towards hurting/killing the weak and innocent when he's not being kept in check by the Jedi Order. People love to blame the council for all his issues, but at least they tried to hold him accountable for his actions and when he was under their direct observation he never hurt anyone as badly as he did on Tattooine until Palpatine convinced him to attack and kill Mace Windu.

Anakin is VERY possessive of, and consistently violent towards, his loved ones (which is what attachment, NOT love, usually leads to). Even when he learns Luke is his son, he has no qualms about slicing off his hand, then gives him the imperial elevator pitch while he's clinging to a metal walkway with a still-smoking stump. When he learns he has a daughter, he immediately uses her to further psychologically torture poor Luke. It takes a few minutes of Palpatine outright torturing his child in front of him for him to intervene.

I know a lot of that was Sidious's grooming, but I'd say that it was already too late when he massacred the sand people. You can't trust someone like that to raise a child. And considering his violence towards people as sweet and placating as Padme and Luke, I SHUDDER to think about what he would do to Leia.

Leia is the person he hurts the most out of anyone, by far. He almost seems to take a sick sort of pleasure in causing her pain. He terrorizes her, tortures her repeatedly, forces her to watch the instantaneous genocide of her people, forces her to watch the man she loves get tortured, and THEN forces her to watch as he's frozen in carbonite and sold to a crime lord with a grudge. Like holy fuck did he have it out for her, which I think came from him trying to crush her stubbornly rebellious spirit. Vader must get a kick out of it, because it's all horrifically personal.

Now imagine Anakin dealing with a rebellious daughter who refuses to obey him. I'm not saying he'd do all that, but if he has the capacity to massacre children just for being in the same village as the people who killed his mom, or choke out his pregnant wife despite believing she could die at any minute, or any of that other shit, I could DEFINITELY see him becoming an abusive parent. And if Padme was willing to overlook cold-blooded mass murder, she could probably do the same for child abuse.

Basically the only thing that would have truly saved Anakin would be to have Palpatine removed from the equation entirely, and then years upon years of therapy. Palpatine laid the groundwork, but all of those choices were solely Anakin's own, and I really don't think even leaving the order to start a happy family like in the fluff AUs could change that. My ideal would be him never meeting Palpatine at all, or at least Padme turning him in in AotC so he could spend a few decades in prison and a few more in intensive therapy (ideally with both Jedi AND non-Jedi therapists so that he can learn to use his power for good without becoming a resentful, repressed mess again).

Basically Anakin was doomed from the moment he chose to kill all the sand people.

[padawanlost]

Anakin Skywalker: The boy who hid his heart

One of the most heartbreaking things about Anakin’s childhood at the Jedi Temple was his inability to fit in. the Jedi’s inability to help him to find a home is something I have a hard time forgiving and understanding. How did they justified it to themselves? Didn’t them realize that alienating a boy goes against everything the Jedi stand for? Community, compassion, non-judgment, etc.

More importantly, how does it affects Anakin and how Obi-wan deals with it?

As much as criticize Jude Watson for creating Gary Stu, I have to admit she really knows how to hit me right in the feels. All the quotes are from the book Jedi Apprentice Special Edition: Deceptions by Jude Watson. So let me give credit where credit is due by sharing this with you all:

They had been heading back from an intense physical workout when Obi-Wan had spied the students from Anakin's year heading to the lake. He had seen the longing in Anakin's eyes as the students dived into the cool water.

"Go ahead," Obi-Wan had told him. "Take some time off."

 Anakin had looked at him uncertainly, but Obi-Wan shooed him off. It puzzled and worried Obi-Wan how much time his Padawan spent alone. Anakin had told him that he'd had good friends on Tatooine, especially a human boy named Kitster. He'd been at the Temple for three years now, but he hadn't made one close friend, although he was well liked and certainly got along with the other kids.

Obi-wan needs to Anakin for a debrief session with Yoda. Here remember the last time he had saw Anakin and immediately assumes Anakin is playing with the padawans at the lake. Obi-wan recognizes the longing in Anakin’s eyes and yet fails to fully understand why Anakin was hesitant. Anakin’s longing is not only for the water. Anakin longs for acceptance and friendship.

 Obi-Wan had tried to talk to him about it, but the boy would just shut down. His eyes would turn opaque and the corners of his mouth would straighten into a thin line. He would seem very far away. Obi-Wan did not know how to reach him at such times, but they were infrequent and passed as quickly as a rain shower. 

Dissociation? At the age of 12, Anakin has been through enough trauma and it would fit the C-PTSD diagnosis, since it’s a psychological disorder associated with “repetitive, prolonged trauma involving harm or abandonment by a caregiver or other interpersonal relationships with an uneven power dynamic.” Some of the symptoms beings attachment issues (lack of trust, social isolation, etc.), poor emotional regulation and dissociation.

When they'd met, Anakin had been a warm-hearted nine-year-old boy with an open nature. He was twelve and a half now, and the years had changed him. He had grown to be a boy who hid his heart. 

 I’m not crying. You’re crying!

[Obi-Wan] couldn't resist a moment to see if Anakin was enjoying himself with the others. He scanned the happy, splashing group with the smile still on his face. It slowly faded as he realized that Anakin wasn't there. With a sigh, Obi-Wan turned away. He hurried to the nearest turbolift. He knew where Anakin was. The boy sometimes retreated to his own quarters. 

Again with the social isolation.

"I thought you wanted to swim," Obi-Wan said.

That shuttered look came over Anakin's face. "I hadwork to do," he muttered.

Obi-Wan crouched by him. "This isn't work, Anakin. It's a hobby. And if you are using it to keep distance between you and your fellow students, it's not a helpful one."

Anakin looked up, his bright eyes keen again. "But I'm making things, Master! Look, I've almost got this astromech ready for service."

"Mechanical ability is a valuable skill," Obi-Wan said. "That is not what I meant, and you know it."

"They don't want me," Anakin said flatly. He walked over and slung the legs of the protocol droid under one arm. "I'm not like them."

Obi-Wan couldn't argue. Anakin was unique. There was no question about that. He was an exceptional student, much more in tune with the Force than others his age. He had come late to the Temple. It wasn't that the other students disliked him, they just didn't know what to make of him.

 Anakin knows he’s not truly accepted, so why bother? And this is why I have a hard time defending the Jedi’s treatment of Anakin. we are talking about a 12 years old child with a traumatic past. As their teachers, legal guardians and family they had the duty to do right by him. But instead of helping this child, these wise masters sat in their comfortable chairs criticizing him constantly and not doing anything about it. People try to excuse the Jedi behavior here by saying they didn’t believe “in therapy” and such but you know what? You don’t need to believe in therapy to be a decent human being and do right by a child.

The jedi had a hive mentality. If the council decided Anakin was like everyone else, the rest would follow. They were not known for being indivual thinkers (the will of the Council is the will of the Force) anyway. If masters like Ki-adi-mundi were wary of Anakin, why wouldn’t the children be too?

Even if a mental health professional was beyond them, instead of marking hin as different (as if that was necessarily a bad thing) they should had reinforced the idea that every jedi was worth the same and that no judgment was a allowed. In the end of the day, it was the little things that would have made the difference. Look how beneficial Ahsoka was to his health, imagine if he that the entire Jedi Temple supporting him.

When did it happen? Obi-Wan wondered again. Why did it happen? Was it the loss of his mother, followed so closely by the death of Qui-Gon? Obi-Wan could not replace those people in Anakin's heart, nor did he wish to. He had hoped that with Jedi training and their own relationship, Anakin would come to find peace. He had not.

And here is where Obi-wan fails. As much as he cares about Anakin he completely fails to see the bigger picture. he’s aware of Anakin’s struggles and he wants to help more than anything. But he also lays it all on Anakin. in his mind, Anakin is the one that needs to change not the Jedi. The solution to Anakin’s problems is to become a Jedi like everyone else. Obi-wan never wonder if the Jedi are wrong in their treatment of Anakin, he disagree with their opinions but sides against them.

Barely two weeks ago, Yoda and Mace Windu had expressed doubts that Anakin was ready for a mission. Anakin lacked discipline, they said. Obi-Wan disagreed. It wasn't so much a lack of discipline that caused Anakin to break rules and send his droids scurrying over the Temple corridors. It was partially boredom, he thought. No matter what he threw at Anakin, the boy mastered it. He needed more challenges. Where Yoda and Mace Windu saw a lack of discipline, Obi-Wan saw an emotional restlessness that could not be cured by hard study or physical trials.

Obi-wan believes they are wrong but instead of trying to change the behavior of the Council, he tries to change Anakin. And that’s their tragedy. Anakin was never able to fully open up to Obi-wan because he probably sensed that Obi-wan would side with the Council. And years later, he did. In Mustafar, while every cell in his body was telling him not to harm Anakin, he still did it because the Council (Yoda) told him to and the will of the Council is the will of the Force. Which also makes Obi-wan a victim, because by following the will of the Council (as he was indoctrinated to do) he destroyed any change he had of living (and dying) in peace.