#like even now i'm only 17. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

thiamblogger · 7 months

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does anyone else hate it when someone says they like that you're doing something ie. going to school or getting closer with your sister, or even just sitting on the sofa with your brother doing nothing?

like it makes you feel like you're being monitored, watched, like you know have to continue what you're doing otherwise you'll be nothing almost?

idk.

#especially when they bring up my sister cause it always makes ms think about when i was like seven or eight and i was in lunch club #(cause i had no friends)#and i said something to one of the ladies and she told me that her and her sister used to be the same but got closer as they grew older.#it always comforted me in a way.#and i know that every younger sister wants to be their older but i don't like the comparison #even if she asked me what i wanted for her birthday and she brought the exact same thing already like just today #or if she has the piercings i want.#she's just five years older than me so i can't do the stuff she can.#yk?#like even now i'm only 17.#(idk anything but ik i miss you).#hehe #i had to!!#🤭🤭#okay i'm done.#vent

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thedreadvampy · 4 months

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sometimes I forget that my experience has been. um. not 'your experiences are not universal' vibes but more like 'your experiences are EXTREMELY atypical'

#red said #recent events have reminded me that my life has involved like. a LOT of other people's psychosis #like not in a way where i have been Beset By Terrifying Crazies bc that's not like. a thing.#but a lot of people in my life have had a lot of really severe psychotic episodes #and i FORGET sometimes. that actually that is an Unusual Amount Of Experience With Psychosis for someone who's not #for somebody who has not really personally ever had psychotic episodes (unless severe PTSD flashbacks count)#actually i tell a lie i have maybe had One psychotic episode but because it was very situational and i knew what was happening #i was able to ride it out. because i am literally only psychotic Inside Hospitals and so that's all fine #as long as i LITERALLY NEVER HAVE TO HAVE INPATIENT CARE. Very important to me to never ever ever require surgery i think.#i can handle the amount of psychosis i get from a 1-4 hour stopoff in hospital #as long as i know I'm leaving soon then i can just Cope with the fact that the walls are moving and reality is thin #ANYWAY that's not the point the point is i forget! that most ppl i know have experience of at most a handful of severe psychotic episodes #some people i know have experienced more for sure. especially if the episodes were mostly theirs.#but people really seem to expect me to be more freaked out by their symptoms of psychosis than i am #bc i don't think i really register it as frightening unless they're in actual danger or Currently Aggressing Actually At Me #like i WORRY about them bc it can super suck but it's not SHOCKING or WEIRD #there have definitely been times ive been frightened. one time i woke up in the night and my friend was standing over me with a knife #but also like he was still HIM he was just having a moment. and as soon as i got the knife off him he just came back and broke down.#and we were fine and he was safe and i learnt the valuable lesson that even when people seem like they wanna kill you they probably don't #tbf now I'm thinking about it it's honestly a tossup whether he was there to threaten or because he felt a need to guard us #like to be clear probably don't try and take a knife off someone having a psychotic break. i was 17 and it was 3am and i knew him very well #i probably did not make the smartest call but nobody got hurt is the point #anyway you know there's that kind of psychotic episode and my granny got very violently angry a few times. buuuut you know there's also #been plenty of other times I've been with somebody having an episode and it's been chill as hell.#my ex saw and heard monsters so much that eventually she just got sick of being scared. we used to watch TV with them #i would sometimes have to sit on a bit of sofa that wasn't haunted and we might not be able to watch certain things bc they didn't like it #most of the time she was hallucinating there was absolutely nothing to worry about we just had a few extra variables #honestly of everyone i know who's had psychotic episodes or schizophrenia the amount of times it's been a material risk #is like. low single figures? maybe low double if you include self harm but idk what the cause and effect is there.#idk why you would need to be frightened like 99.99% of the time it truly is usually just Oh No That Seems Distressing For You I'm Sorry

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klanced · 1 year

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this isn’t even about my evil agenda anymore I actually just need to hear your dissertation on voltron/klance x first love late spring

you do evil things to my dick and balls. i hope you know that.

first love / late spring is a very keith-core song, but i think it also applies to both keith and lance... but more specifically, FL/LS is keith pre-relationship, and then FL/LS is lance once they have already started dating.

i'm obsessed with that one interview of mitski where she explained that she wrote this song while she was experiencing her vulnerable first love... and first love is vulnerable. you simultaneously reap the rewards of being known but at the same time, you've now let someone else know you, and now you have to trust them to take care of you. and it's so vulnerable. it's more naked than being naked. and it's so difficult as well because now you're learning a brand new way you can be hurt.

so keith, pre-relationship... he's pining for lance and he is MISERABLE. he's lost control! he feels like he's being consumed by the enormity of his feelings. he's eight years old and small and never asked for this, he never wanted to know he could feel this way. he just wants lance to fucking go already. keith wants to spit vitriol and blame and shame and drive lance away so that when lance leaves him (and he will leave him, like everyone else has), then at least it will be on keith's own terms for once. and keith doesn't, he refuses, to say how he feels. he'll spitefully choke on his confession until it suffocates him. he doesn't want to know what lance might say.

but he also is afraid of lance's reaction because... if lance gives him even a sliver of ground, if there's even a promise of a chance -- keith will fold instantly. he will jump into this love headfirst. he'll do anything if it will make lance stay with him.

and then lance, mid-established relationship... things with keith are perfect, everything is going great, so why does lance feel so anxious all the time? why does he feel so scared when keith looks at him like he's his whole world? maybe the problem is lance. because what they have is real. because he's pretty sure keith is it for him. and that terrifies lance. because lance, deep down, knows he's going to screw this up. and it's not just his heart on the line; he's also going to hurt keith.

keith smiles at him and lance feels sick to his stomach. he wants to tell keith that they might be happy right now, but eventually, lance is going to ruin this. he wants to warn keith that lance is going to break his heart one day.

lance isn't always so negative about himself. during the day, it's easy to let himself be buoyed and enveloped by his feelings for keith. he loves being in love with keith. because the love is real. it's real, and it's there, and that matters. but at night, all those poisonous insecurities and anxieties rear their ugly head, and lance finds himself standing on a ledge over a drop. lance daydreams about spending the rest of his life with keith; lance has never felt so young and small.

#mintcaboodle #klance #voltron #ask #the old child/young adult metaphor is also like. so lance-core. AND THE 'I DON'T WANT TO GO HOME' LINE!!!!!!!!#im in my feels tonight i'm sorry the lance analysis is not fully cooked #also like obviously lance doesn't always feel this way. it's more pertinent closer to the beginning when he #starts to fully realize the depths of his feelings and he's freaking out because he's beginning to understand what it means to spend #the rest of your life with someone and that is a TERRIFYING thing to want and imagine when you're only 17/18 #lance does get better though and his insecurities die out the longer and more stable his relationship with keith is #though sometimes those same insecurities crop up now and again #i talk a lot about pining keith and how like tumultuous his experience is. but once he starts dating lance things even out for him #whereas lance is relatively chill in his pining and then begins to flounder after they get together and after he's realized the Love word #otp: we are a good team #katiecanons #idk i guess #keith #lance

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lalalychee · 26 days

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people responding to that one poll like "being 14 is the worst time in your life" lmao bro i wish that were me and my experience. i swear every year is so much worse than the last. 14 was a joke compared to what i have to endure now.

#although 15-17 were also uniquely bad for me bc of the whole my mom committing child abandonment and just straight up leaving my sister and #me in a home alone as minors and not coming back. and then eventually being sent to live with our abusive dad once the police found out. an #then my mom full on fucking died right after we reconnected. and my sister and i could not escape our dad's abusive home for another ten #years yeehaw. but yeah everything in between has been so fucking horrible. i still can't escape poverty. and then i became permanently #disabled at 31 from a freak accident making me even more poor bc my ability to work is so limited. and my disability has ruined literally #every single facet of my life because everything is just pain now. all of it. i can't even paint without being in severe pain anymore.#so idk 14 sounds pretty good right about now.#anyway!!!! there's only a small fraction of the hardships i've endured and i'm in a very bad mental state rn so i just needed to like #word vomit some of my thoughts and struggles i guess?

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maddy-ferguson · 1 year

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i wish the internet had never learned the term prefrontal cortex because people use it to make 25 the new 18 which is so strange

#like is 17-19 predatory no and it's stupid to say you have to wait until midnight on the younger person's birthday to be in contact with #them even if you're only 366 days apart. and now people are like someone who's 20 can still be taken advantage of which yes obviously but #they're like it's because their brain is not done yet. at 24 you are a baby and at 25 you're a grown woman. but actually not really because #chris evans married someone who's 26 but that's close to 25 so she's not old enough. her brain has only been done for five minutes so it's #actually terrible that they're together. like there's saying that young adults are still vulnerable and...young and then there's pushing #the idea that women are just little girls forever lmao.#and it's just so weird that people use the brain thing so much i can't say why exactly but it rubs me the wrong way #i'm not saying this because i'm only 22 and people who say that would talk about me like i'm 14 because i wouldn't even date anyone who's #significantly older than me or anyone who's like under 20. but yeah😭#and i'm not even saying that the phenomenon of men always dating younger and women always dating older (even if it's just like 2 years)#and not vice versa isn't worth examining i'm literally a sociology student i'll be the first to say everything's interesting. but like #what's the end goal here #even in more extreme cases when a 25-year-old woman marries someone 40 years her senior i'm always like well i would never do that #but what are you random person on the internet gonna do.#and the thing is there's always potential power dynamics like you would have to be dating yourself to avoid it and even then #and like i say: brf slt

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jessicas-pi · 1 year

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I conducted a vote on which fic snippet to share, and you chose the shipfic I'm writing out of spite!

(Sooo, just for a little context: this is from a short fic set in the same setting as my main Medieval AU, but not in the same universe/continuity as my main Medieval AU. Kinda like what SW Legends is to canon, yknow?)

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“I’m the PRINCESSSSS!”

Ahsoka’s flailing arm nearly hit Rex in the face, but he dodged, and caught her around the middle, stopping her tipsy swaying. “Yes, Your Highness, we know.”

She threw an arm around his neck and squished her cheek against his pauldron. “I’m prettyyyyy.”

“If you insist, Princess.”

“Do you think I’m pretty?”

She swerved wildly, and he redirected her. “It would be unseemly for me to answer that, Princess.”

“Seemly. Seeeeeemly. Stupid Seemley Ress,” she said, slurring his name, then trying to correct herself. “Stupid Seemly Ress. Resss. Ressss! My tongue’sss not workin’, Ress!”

“So I hear.”

“I’m pretty. And I’m strong.”

“As everyone knows.”

“And I’m tall!”

“Acknowledged.”

“And I’m orange!”

“Correct.”

“AND I’m… I’mma walk on my own now!”

She shoved him away and took two wobbly steps forward before he had to catch her again.

“I can do it!” she whined. “I’m a lady. I’m twen’ny yearssss ol’. I can walk!”

She very clearly could not, so with a sigh, Rex bent over and lifted her completely, carrying her down the hallway. “All due respect, ladies do not get sloshed at formal dinners.”

“Isss no’ my fault,” she muttered. “Issstupid Korkie’s fault.”

“Right,” Rex said, ignoring her and the looks he was getting. Mostly sympathetic ones; everyone knew the Princess was trouble and was used to her getting into worse predicaments than this.

“Korkie says you liiiiike me,” she continued, singsongy. “He says you’re—you’re not sssaying an’thin ‘bout it cause of, uh. Uhhhhh. Clones! People don’t like you. Stupid people don’t. Good people do. Korkie says I like you.”

“That would be surprising, considering the amount of complaining you do whenever I’m around,” Rex deadpanned.

#korkie didn't even do anything poor guy #ahsoka's just throwing him under the bus like 'yep it is definitely korkie's fault that i got drunk.'#and rex doesn't buy it lol #soooo anyway. this is my very first foray into writing rexsoka and they're both firmly in the denial stage rn!#(I don't normally ship it due to the age gap but since they're only 3-4 years apart in this au and they met when she was 17 and not 14 #I figured if i was gonna spitewrite a rexsoka fic then the medieval setting would be the one to do it in!)#fun fact! i had contemplated actually having them be a couple in the ACTUAL medieval au and even came up with a few fun scenes!#but i scrapped it in favor of a funnier idea #but that meant i had to scrap the scenes too #BUT by writing a fic in the same setting but not the same universe i can still write those scenes!#fic snippet #fic sneak peek #spite writing #ahsoka tano #captain rex #rexsoka #annnyyyywaaaaaay posting now before i overthink and doubt myself uwu #cause writing semi-controversial ships that i know some of my tumblr buddies might not like makes me nervous lol #but hey i'm just turning it into a game. i'm calling it 'will i lose followers for posting about this ship and how many will i lose'#star wars medieval au

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reanimatedgh0ul · 5 months

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honestly the idea of newton and lance both ending up w gfs is funny to me only bc ik the two of them would have COMPLETELY DIFFERENT reactions the moment they realize they're in love w the girl they're now dating

basically newton's reaction vs lance's reaction

#sym bionic titan #like newton's just over here like wow love is amazing i didn't even know i could feel this way abt another person this is great ^_^#meanwhile lance over here is suffering™ bc he's basically a byronic hero trapped inside the body of a 17 yr old boy #what i'm saying is the reason newton is able to love more freely and openly than lance (atleast for rn)#is bc he doesn't have a FRACTION of the emotional baggage that lance has due to his upbringing #that boy spent years building up walls guarding his heart to keep ppl out so that he could never be hurt again #he's only now started to let ppl in like ilana and newton/octus bc they're family now but even that can still be hard for him #like sm of lance's character just goes back to this idea of the mortifying ordeal of being known (god he's so mitski's stay soft coded)#how the fear of letting ppl get close to you to love you #means that the nearness has the potential leave you wounded #or that bc you have baggage it means you're broken that prevents you being able to love others #basically what i'm saying is lance is super repressed he def has self loathing #and i CAN'T imagine him getting w kristin in the same way #newton did w kimmy in the sense that they got into a relationship relevantly fast #if anything he's gonna have a slowburn w that girl #even when lance FINALLY does get together w her #i still don't see him being like how newton is w kimmy that he's good expressing his love verbally like saying ily or petnames etc #bc we've seen in canon how lance isn't the best when it comes to that #re: consoling ilana in ep 2 or telling octus how important he is to him in ep 18 but we know he cares #i think kristin knows that and like ilana/newton accepts that abt him #lance to me is better at expressing his love and care for others thru his actions rather than his words #robi hcs #robi rambles

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clementiens · 1 year

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#i've thought here and there (sometimes a lot more than here and there) about changing my name for like 8 years #and idk maybe it is time! maybe it's something to actually consider if i've been actively avoiding considering it for so long #my name now isn't like. particularly meaningful. it was basically just There when i came out as trans #and my feeling towards it was honestly just relief at feeling like i didn't have to make a decision myself #but there are 2 that have both been on my mind this entire time #i've had my current name for 10 years. legally for 9. and it was only like a year after that that i was like hmmm #but even if it wasn't already changed legally i was SO averse to anything that could have possibly been seen as wavering or uncertainty #i came out 10 years ago at 17 and i had to really dig my feet in to get my family on board enough to start transitioning soon as i hit 18 #and i felt like being Certain and not showing Any hesitation would make other ppl see me as more legitimate #so no going through multiple names #and then also the Hassle it's just such a pain doing all that legally #idk maybe i just wouldn't bother. just tell everyone in my life that this is the deal now but i'm not bothering w legal documents #idrc about people calling me a different name in medical / official settings as long as it's not incongruous w my gender #or maybe i would do it eventually legally. i've wanted to change my last name the whole time too

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lindensea · 1 year

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Watched Porco Rosso for the first time last night, and was really surprised at how sexist and "made by a man" it was? I can't recall ever watching a studio ghibli movie and thinking that before. It wasn't even that the female characters were written poorly because for the most part they weren't. But all the men were constantly commenting on women's appearance and bodies, hitting on a 17 yr old, there are weird shots and lines, and the female characters' plots exist for Porco Rosso's

#idk i didn't like it??? there's a lot of artistic merit to the movie and it was BEAUTIFUL visually but it kinda pissed me off tbh #like the scene when fio stands up to the pirate men & they're all like wow you're so pretty you're flattering us we are eternally loyal now #it's cool that she did that but it's also clear that they only listened to her because she was beautiful #(something they immediately mentioned)#and right after she has a little emotional breakdown where she's shaking because she was scared and that's great #BUT the way she deals with it is saying I'M GONNA GO SWIMMING and stripping down to her undies in front of porco rosso #who blushes furiously despite the fact that she's 17 and he's like 40 or something #and that's not even dealing with the fact that hat she randomly got proposed to that same scene and the whole challenge at the end #is to decide fio's fate even though there was literally no reason for that to happen???#and lots of comments about her bottom ajd and debate over whether she can do her job because she's a young pretty girl #and i KNOW this is how it was in 1927 but also this is not what I've come to expect fr studio ghibli #and I'm disappointed #wow lotsa typos in there but I'll live

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rwwinton · 2 years

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The History Major instinct to add footnotes to my historical fiction novels because I feel guilty using my Creative License and am afraid no one will go read the Author’s Note at the end...

#the balance of historical fact and the fiction that makes it histfic with forever stall my writing process #no one understands how many times i have argued with myself over breed's hill/bunker hill #now i'm questioning myself for using fort schuyler instead of stanwix #because the current national park is fort stanwix #but they only named it that because they rebuilt the original fort that was there first #when it WAS fort stanwix #but in 1777 it was renamed fort schuyler for gen. philip schuyler because that's what armies did back then #primary sources mostly call it schuyler #some do still say stanwix #but a modern reader not really into the revwar history #is gonna be like wtf is fort schuyler #googling it brings up a totally different fort fyi #the answer is READ MY AUTHOR'S NOTE AT THE BACK #but will they?#this also applies to my 'i did my best at transcribing this' note on gen. greene's letter to congress about benedict arnold #because we can have hamilton's shit transcribed for all the world to read #but the letter i need to use for plot reasons #i gotta squint at and manipulate 17 ways because even pen men get sloppy when in a hurry #i need to take a break for tonight and get back to my emotional support paranormal romance writing

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elytrafemme · 2 years

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a few days ago i had the epiphany of like, okay, i’m not kidding anybody here and the only people disagreeing with me are figments of past people who float around in my head. i have BPD. and it would take a major fucking overhaul of my entire life and the way that i have operated for seventeen years to say any different. so instead of me saying BPD with fifteen asterisks specifying i am not technically sure and this is medically recognized but not professionally diagnosed etc etc let me just say i have it.

and then now i’m like oh God but what if i don’t have it

#nightmare.personal #like at this point i think the only thing that would convince me is to have a professional say it #but my therapist literally will not diagnose me (for several reasons which are all incredibly valid) and i am not seeing another person #like i am lucky enough that i have a therapist that i can scream at for a session and then the next time talk about my last date or whatever #i don't want to have this label put on me because that's going to fuck up so much about my life #but i am literally never going to be able to get rid of that doubt that's telling me nobody thinks you have BPD you're lying to yourself #and it's like! that's not unreasonable for people to think! i know that i'm 17 and that's young for a diagnosis!#and maybe i'm biased because people have told me to look into BPD because of my behaviors since i was 13 #but i've watched testimonial videos and spent hours in forums and talked to people diagnosed with BPD and read articles about it #and i've studied the symptoms like the back of my fucking hand and i've tracked my behaviors and i've done EVERYTHING #and i've considered EVERY other option i've considered: autism ptsd bipolar adhd. to name a few #and NONE of them explained this the ONLY thing that makes sense is bpd #not even other personality disorders explain it it's just this one #and i know people think that you shouldn't seek labels but. i have been looking for a community for so long #and now i think i have one. but i still feel like i don't actually have it #and that everyone thinks i'm lying but just isn't saying anything yet

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lisbonsteresa · 2 years

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AND THE TOUCH OF A HAND LIT THE FUSE

#damnit theo now all i can think of is that au it would work so well like the way he was nervous and fidgety before she came over #(for obvious reasons but it could also be because he knows her name when he comes looking for her; he knows he's about to meet his soulmate #and everything involved in that...too much involved for him to deal with now so he tries - and only kind of succeeds - to ignore it)#the way he has one arm kind of tucked into the other (to hide his tattoo) and his 'um' and how he just looks at her for a beat #(hoping it looks more like him still finding it hard to talk about red john and not like some part of him just tilted onto a new axis #in a way he's trying desperately to ignore)#meanwhile lisbon has 17 people say 'hi' to her every day; she's long since stopped wondering if person 18 could be The One #(but something flickers in her chest when she shakes his hand; faint and unfamiliar; it throws her off for the briefest of moments;#causes her 'hi' to come out much quieter and softer than she intended....but of course it did; she's talking to a man she knows #just went through a terrible loss; he LOOKS lost; why wouldn't she want to treat him delicately; it's part of her job #(even if she's starting to get the distinct feeling this man is going to make her job a whole lot harder)#i'm spiraling juuuust a little #tm #AND THEN THE 'TERESA LISBON. THAT'S A NICE NAME.' HOOOO BOY #(ack imagine if lorelei saw jane's tattoo and brings it up while lisbon's listening in in 5.01....#'i think you do it to be close to teresa lisbon. and i understand why; considering those words on your arm')

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lokilickedme · 2 years

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ELDER SPEAKING AT FIL’S MEMORIAL SERVICE TODAY: Bob was a good man, a righteous man who was loved by everyone who knew him -

ME, SITTING IN THE FRONT ROW THREE SEATS DOWN FROM MY MIL AND STARTING TO FEEL THE 10MG OF THC I INGESTED ON MY WAY TO THE SERVICE: *snort*

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LADY I DON’T KNOW WHO SHOOK MY HAND SYMPATHETICALLY AFTER AND TRIED TO HUG ME: I’m so sorry for your terrible loss, Bob was so wonderful, you must miss him terribly

ME, SUCKING ON ANOTHER 10MG AND READY TO POP A THIRD WHILE LITTLE RUNS CIRCLES AROUND ME WHIPPING UP THE HEM OF MY DRESS: Eh it’s cool, I can send my kids to their grandma’s now. Thanks tho

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MAN TALKING TO MIL AS EVERYONE IS LEAVING: You’ll see him again very soon, you’ll be together in Paradise forever, we have God’s promise of the resurrection

ME, LEANING AGAINST THE BUILDING LIGHTING A BLUNT: Yeah no

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