#like genuinely i had to cut some stuff and its still This Long

[ditzydisko]

Actually I think I would rather just vomit then curl up on the ground and die if its not too much

[layuhsblog]

Hi, I'm not sure if ur still open to requests (I'm so sorry if ur not >_<) but could u do some princess treatment with nct dream bcz I've genuinely just thought of them spoiling their gfs🫶🏻

NCT DREAM GIVING THEIR S/O PRINCESS TREATMENT

its not too princessy and more domestic and 'nct dream as boyfriends'

reqs are still open, ask away babies

idk how to write diff stuff for diff members but i tried and i hope you like it. definitely very fluffy tho. and YEP THEY'RE DEF THE SPOILING THEIR GFS TYPE

warnings: very fluffy, suggestive at some places, very crack, a bit imagine based as well, i think i swore once? i dont remember, some members are too short I'm sorry i was having writers block also ITS LONG.

also cus its so long its unedited.

members drabbles under the cut

Mark:

• I feel like if you're dating Mark, your house will never be quiet, whether its with his chaotic unhinged questions, his jokes, him singing or producing songs or just his playlists playing in the background. especially if you're the type to always need some kind of background noise while doing chores- he'll make you like a thousand playlists for every mood, every chore etc.

He'll even make you a personal playlist with secret songs only meant for you to listen, even if the lyrics are highly unhinged like;

"Yoyo my girls cookin, and she's hella goodlookin yoyo" just for you to laugh at his silly antics even when hes away for too long.

• I dont see him as someone who'll get you flowers cus I feel like he will get sad when they die. He'll stay up at night when youre asleep finding origami videos to make you paper flower bouquets. Each date a different type of flower. Even goes out of his way and googles what flower signifies what feeling, literally befriends a flower shop owner.

• He once called them at 4am to ask what flower means "I'm sorry, I messed up. Please don't break up with me." The phone hung up on his face ofc. Your argument was about mint chocolate and pineapples on pizza. You obviously wouldn't break up with him for that. (He hopes)

•You definitely have a specific closet filled w those paper flowers. He has never given you a handmade bouquet of your favourite flowers cus he plans on doing so when he proposes to you, hiding the ring at the bottom of the bouquet. AHH IM SOFT

•Personal Spotify, he'll sing you to sleep whenever you tell him to, whatever you tell him to.

•You once had an argument with him in public and he asked you how he can make you forgive him so you made him sing 'Welcome to Miami' infront on random strangers

•OH I FEEL LIKE. If you're on a picnic. He would take help from his members (the 127 hyungs. Dreamies are hopeless I'm sorry) and make you both a bento. Imagine your surprise when you opened the picnic basket and saw two lunchboxes one was spiderman and the other was hello kitty.

"Mark, this is so cute. But yknow I like spiderman too right?"

"WAIT WHAT DUDE, YOU DIDN'T TELL ME. YOUR FAVOURITE MOVIE? YOUR FAVOURITE SPIDERMAN? OPINION ON NO WAY HOME."

I've said this before and I'll say it again, Mark's the type of boyfriend to snatch a jar from you, tell you he got it and fail miserably. Most of the time when you DO have a problem opening a jar and you go to him..he gulps nervously.

"I, have to go to the bathroom. Be right back."

"Mark- ...you took the jar with you.."

You know where this is going.

"JOHNNY HYUNG, QUICK LOOSEN THIS JAR SO I CAN IMPRESS ____"

"LOOK BABE, I'M SO STRONG."

"Baby, I know you asked Johnny to help. But thankyou! Yes you're very strong."

To sum it up, being with Mark is dorky and comforting and you love that man with all your heart.

Renjun:

•I see Renjun as the type to do princess treatment stuff with you together.

•Like Idk how to explain it- you both spoil eachother. Your nighttime skincare takes you both HOURS because instead of doing like sane people, you do it on EACHOTHER, explaining every step of your routine to the camera (the mirror) in a fake accent.

•If he sees you painting your nails, he gets offended because he's your personal nail tech.

I definitely see him as the type to tell you,

"Gurl, that watermarble is a disaster. Let me do it for you." and he does a better job than you.

"Silly girl, this is why you should always let me do your nails. Don't even bother."

•He's adorable, if its your birthday or you achieved smtn big at a job or at uni he would celebrate it with you. Decorate your room with pink balloons and stuff, get you a tiara and a sash- like a true princess, get you a pretty dress to wear. Click your pics and share it on his close friends story.

You love it. You saved that same tiara for his birthdays and achievements and crowned him your princess. CUTIES

•Allows you to do his makeup while you're sitting on his lap on one condition, you don't click pics.

Once he grows into it though-

"Hey! Blend that foundation properly, my neck and my face are two different shades."

You show your puppy eyes to him he's cracking. Lets you take as many pics as you want, doesn't say shit when you post it. He's soft for you.

•I dont see him as a very verbally expressive partner, he'll show you through his actions, like the one time a family member of yours was very sick and admitted in the hospital while he was on tour.

•You were continuously crying on call and it was late where he was. He knew you had trouble sleeping for a few days as you were staying at the hospital with them. He flew in to surprise you and had a mini date in the hospital cafeteria. He made sure you ate and you both took a walk around the building after dinner as he comforted you and gave you advice on how to deal with everything going on.

He stayed in the room, looking after your family member as you showered and slept soundly after forever. You felt bad as he was jetlagged and tired but he scolded you and forced you to sleep.

You woke up to the sound of the door opening and the nurse greeting your relative the next morning. There was a note propped up on the couch you had slept in,

'Had to fly back baby :( Call me anytime and I'll be there. My girl comes first always, I love you<3'

•Oh your family loves him btw, he had also got a get well soon card and a bouquet for your relative.

You were gonna marry this man, you were sure of it.

•Overall he scolds you when you don't take care of yourself and always puts your needs first before his and trusts you fully to do the same when he needs it, and you will<3

Jeno:

•This is so random, but I really see Jeno as the type of boyfriend who bakes for you?

•its just a you and him thing. When you started dating, you were at his dorm and got hungry and night. So he decided to make you a mugcake? It tasted like rubber but you ate it anyway ans reassured him that it was really good. (It wasn't)

HE WAS DETERMINED TO ACTUALLY LEARN HOW TO BAKE FOR YOU.

•Y'all know that guy on tiktok who bakes for his gf?? THAT'S HIS INSPIRATION RIGHT THERE.

•Experiments each recipe on Jaemin before making you try it. Why do you think Jaemin hates strawberries? Its HIS fault.

•Yknow how...Jeno is so buff and sexy?? His favourite part of going to the gym is sending you post workout bathroom mirror selfies. (YES THAT IS SPOILING. SHUSH)

•He also definitely seems like the type to call you princess. If you hate that nickname? He doesn't care he'll call you anyway cus you ARE his princess. You eventually grow into it.

•Definitely the type to wake up no matter how late it is if you need anything. You're hungry? He's up and running ready to cook, go to the convience store or order food for you. Anything his princess wants. You got your periods? You think he already doesn't have your necessities stacked in the dorm bathroom already? Pads, tampons, everything- even if you're on cups, he'll always keep them ready for emergency purposes and incase the other dreamies have their girls over and they need it. Your bf is a gentleman yes. You love it.

•PASSENGER PRINCESS PRIVILEGE. You'll always be connected to the Bluetooth. You never have to drive ever in your life again. His favourite part of driving is you screaming out the lyrics of ur new favourite songs.

He will never tell you how tired he is of listening to the same song over and over and over again. Even if his ears feel like bleeding from listening to the same song again, he'll hold back his tears and just smile. He loves you but he's not a big fan of your music.

"CUS TONIGHT WILL BE THE NIGHT THAT I WILL FALL FOR YO-"

"For the love of GOD- Y/N IF I HEAR YOU SING THAT EMO ASS SONG ONE MORE TIME I'M ACTUALLY GONNA RIP MY HAIR OFF."

"You're so quiet babe, what's up?"

"Huh, nothing... just focusing on the road.. You keep singing, I love your voice hehe."

•Yknow how much it annoys him, youre testing his patience to see when he'll tell you to stop. He wont tho babe, he's getting tortured, stop please. (I unironically love that song)

Haechan:

•I think he's the most princess to ever princess which is why he's perfect at giving princess treatment.

•Also hes very clingy, wont leave you alone for even a minute.

•One time you were cutting fruit with a new knife you had just bought and cut your finger on it. He was so annoying with it;

"NOOO MY BABY GOT AN OUCHIE! NO DON'T TOUCH IT. I'LL GET A BAND-AID. DON'T MOVE."

"Hyuck, its just a small c-" He pecks your lips to shut you up and runs to his room. He runs back and to your surprise shows you a hello kitty band-aid. You laugh at that to which he pouts and claims that "it hurts less with this specific one"

Doesn't even let you wash the cut yourself. He washes it for you, puts antiseptic and lastly puts the bandaid on your finger.

He proudly admires his work and when you thank him he "kisses your ouchie" to which you cringed out for a solid five minutes.

•He's the type to say, "I GOT IT" to everything you're about to do.

Opening a jar? He's got it. Opening your apartment door after a date? GASP YOU JUST GOT A MANICURE, HE'LL DO IT. Reaching for the shelf to grab a mug? He's got his Johnny hyung to get it for you cus he can't reach it either.

•He absolutely thinks it's his job to make you laugh. You literally cannot laugh at another guy's jokes now. Mark is an exception tho, he'll fite you for Mark. How dare you not laugh at a stupid joke Mark made.

•Speaking of fite, He'll let you win all playfights. This is how you know shit is srs between y'all. Haechan is competitive. But he'll let you win. I know its an unpopular opinion.

•Especially if you don't have much in common with Haechan and start showing interest in gaming and ask him to teach you, he'll go very easy on you. Yknow, set his pride aside, let you win a lot of games before actually becoming competitive with you as well. Still he won't ever admit it even years after being together- if you have a particularly bad day, he would let you and not make it very obvious, even if you call him names and make fun of him for being a loser, he'll just have a lovesick smile on his face and stars in his eyes as you're doing a dorky winner dance for beating him.

The 127 boys are very proud of their maknae, he's surely grown a lot. You're both still incredibly immature but they love you together.

•Oh the only down side is you're always competing with Renjun.

"Blink twice if you love Renjun and Mark more than me"

*blinks twice*

"We're done."

"NO. I LOVE THEM BUT I ALSO LOVE YOU. DON'T MAKE ME CHOOSE PLEASE."

•You love him too much to get mad at the fact that he still didnt choose you

Jaemin:

here we go..

my bias wrecker.

•YOU CANNOT DENY He's going to be the best boyfriend ever.

•You want to put ribbons on him? he bought you those himself. the pinkest of pink ribbon for you to tie his hair, biceps, _anything_ with.

•He loves making you flustered.

•Will check up in you every second of the day.

"Did you eat yet? Slept properly? Drink enough water?"

•Nags at you like a mother.

•If you're studying for exam or just working from home in general he'll pop up to check in on you every five minutes with coffee, freshly cut up fruits, chocolates etc.

•If you're too busy to eat, he will pull a chair and sit beside you, stare at you while you work and feed you occassionally.

•When you're tired he'll give you a massage and draw you a pretty bath with rose petals and scented candles and stuff.

•He cannot say no to your puppy eyes. He loves cats but you're the reason he has three.

•Also the type to get jealous of the cats, AND you if you're not giving him attention. He doesnt know whether he wants to be at your place or the cats'.

•HE COOS AT YOU. A LOT. ANYTHING YOU DO. "AIGOOO MY BABY IS SO ADORABLE *insert incoherent wooing noises as he pulls your cheeks* and you're just there like- '🧍😀'

•If you're on a date, you don't even have to ask. He'll already have his camera ready, suggest you cute poses and click pictures for your Instagram. He'd stay up late to edit them himself.

When you're with Na Jaemin you cannot have a blank looking Instagram.

•Overall hes the sweetest and absolutely adorable but he also has a babygirl to take care of. (He himself is a babygirl)

Chenle:

•Oh hes SPOILING and hes SPOILING BADDDD

•Another one to call you princess.

•I saw a reel of him asking his nephew for a kiss before handing him money. THAT'S SO ADORABLE OH MY GOD MY HEART HE'LL DO THAT WITH YOU TOO.

•Even if you're not the type to accept gifts or ask for money he'll MAKE SURE you get used to it because he JUST LOVES SPOILING HIS PRINCESS

•If you're going for a spa or to get your nails done or any type of self care activity and you DONT ask him to pay, he gets mad. he'll sulk, wont talk to you.

"What's the point of being born in a rich family and working hard to earn a living if my girlfriend doesnt want to spend my money?😔"

"CHENLE, I CAN BUY MY OWN GUM FOR GOD'S SAKE. HOW BROKE DO YOU THINK I AM?"

•He loves you so much. Every night when he does his skincare, you're sitting on the bathroom sink and hes doing your skincare as well.

•Another nagger who will ensure you're hydrated and wellfed, keeps track of your period.

"Hello?"

"Open the door, I know you're on your period, I got you heatpacks, pads and chocolates. Let's watch Hamilton and cuddle."

"Lele, marry me."

"Pick your diamond, baby."

AAAAHHH I AM GOING FERAL.

•But, we all know chenle is so much more than just a rich guy, he'll sing you to sleep and stroke your hair whenever you're stressed

•He may be mean and nagging and annoying sometimes but hes such a huge huge softie for you its crazy. Everytime you walk into the room, its all music and wind blowing and time slowing for him. Cliche lover boy and I'm here for it.

•He loves you so much, if you pout at him he'll be on his knees at your service doing anything and everything you tell him to...even aegyo.

"HEY YOU TOLD ME TO DO AEGYO, YOU CANNOT CRINGE OUT NOW. I'M CUTE!!"

Jisung:

•MY BOY PAINTS YOUR NAILS FOR YOU, MESSILY

•He also tries to learn how to cook for you. The first time he cooked, the food tasted like dish soap cus he thought vegetables had to be cleaned with soap.

•Eventually gets better and cooks very comforting meals. They taste like home, you love it. Yknow the type of food that's not too fancy but its warm and make your heart feel full.

•Thats also what loving him would feel like. He wouldn't go OUT and extreme but whatever he does is warm and fills your heart with love for him more everyday.

•Occasional flowers, gets you chocolates/cookies/ice cream everytime you hang out.

•Lot of movie dates, he'll always let you pick the movie. You'll always be the small spoon

•Oh he always pulls your chair at a restaurant. Also has a habit of putting his hand under your shirt and just holding your stomach when cuddling, makes him feel closer to you. Same with hugging, when you hug his hand peeks under your shirt so hes touching your bare back. It's nothing sexual, it's just intimate.

•He would always purposefully leave his hoodies at your place so you dont have to steal them. He's too shy to admit he left them on purpose. Also does it cus if you stole his hoodie, his poor heart wouldn't be able to handle it. It would probably combust into flames.

"You forgot your hoodie at my place."

"Oh shit, well its okay, you can take it. I don't wear it much anyways." and you're just there thinking,

'That's your favourite hoodie man, you'd rot in it if you could.' You don't tease him about it though. Its cute to you that he trusts you with his favourite hoodie.

•He's the type to be jealous of your plushies but then would also go out of his way to buy more for you. He gets sad if you buy new ones.

In his logic, if he buys them for you, he's the father and the kids will be loyal and know their place. But if you buy them, they'll be too greedy to share you with him. Oh please, he talks to trees don't tell me things like these wouldn't cross his mind.

•He loves it when you ask him to pay for dinner cus you usually split the bill. He realised he loves it a BIT TOO MUCH, makes him feel all alpha-protecter, big boy and would start demanding that he pays for dates more often.

Unlike Chenle he's cool with it if you don't like it, he'll turn it down a notch.

•He just wants you to be comfy and he'll always stick to his boundaries while also keeping an eye on you, making sure you're okay, comfortable and happy with him.

-

[come-see-our-show]

I saw an early screening of the Mean Girls movie last night, so here is a summary of my thoughts, comparing the movie musical to the Broadway musical, which I was lucky enough to see live in 2018!

Changed that I liked:

The usage of social media in the Broadway show made it very clear that it was written by adults who didn’t know much about Gen-Z. It was probably one of the worst parts of the show in my opinion. But Tina Fey must have done her research since 2018, because the way the movie uses TikTok, memes, vlogging, and FaceTime to push the story forward worked VERY well. I think there were some influencer cameos, but it didn’t feel they were included to show how “young and hip” they were, It actually added authenticity.

The diversity within the cast and changing last names to reflect the characters’ backgrounds (Karen Smith ➡️ Karen Shetty, Janis Sarkisian ➡️ Janis 'Imi'ike)

Cutting down “Meet the Plastics.” It’s a very exposition-heavy song and doesn’t need to be super long, even though the full version is quite catchy and fun.

All of the new jokes landed so well, probably because Tina Fey’s writing style is better suited for the screen as opposed to the stage.

This is more of a comparison of the musical vs. the original film, but a big change was The Plastics’ weaponized wokeness (which I talk about here).

The production design for most of the songs was very different. The stage musical has a lot of rock songs, which were changed to a pop sound for the movie. I personally prefer rock musicals, but it was a good way to give the movie a separate identity from its predecessor so it doesn’t risk becoming a carbon copy. It worked on some songs (“Someone Gets Hurt” and “World Burn”) but not on others (“A Cautionary Tale” and “Revenge Party”).

Cutting the joke about Regina’s ass being big. It was a very low-brow joke, which I’m not a fan of, and was just really immature. Thank God that was changed to her falling, which still shows her being embarrassed without her body being the joke.

Explicitly making Janis a lesbian! (It’s only implied in the stage show with “It’s not even true… I only have one butt”) And she goes to prom with a girl while Damien dances with a boy! ALSO THERE’S REJANIS LORE AND IT’S SO HEARTBREAKING I LOVE IT

megan thee stallion just… being there

Miss Norbury and Principal Duvall being a couple and owning a dog together!!!

As a low mezzo, I appreciated whoever decided to lower the key for “I’d Rather Be Me.” I felt very represented 🩷

Having Cady be raised in a single-parent household so it focuses in more on her relationship with her mom. Jenna Fischer was so motherly and sincere and brought a warmth to the movie. Their scene together near the end made me emotional (you’re never too old to ask your parent to stay with you until you fall asleep) (also this is my request to make jenna fischer my mom)

Changes that I didn’t like:

Cutting BOTH of Damian’s solos??? (SHE’S LEAVING!!!!!!!! JUST LIKE MY DAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

Cutting “More Is Better.” It wasn’t necessarily a memorable song, but it did give both Cady and Aaron more depth, both as separate characters and within their relationship.

While cutting some of the songs helped with pacing, cutting HALF of the score made me forget that it was a musical sometimes, which sucks because I really like musicals!!!

Other stuff:

The movie was marketed horribly. One of my friends didn’t even know it was gonna be a musical because there were no songs in the trailers 💀 (Also, this isn’t just a Mean Girls problem. The Color Purple also didn’t have any songs in the trailer. I didn’t even know Wonka was a musical until I saw it in theaters, so that was a bit of a shock.) If you’re producing a musical movie, maybe your focus groups should be musical fans, because that’s still a HUGE market.

Auliʻi Cravalho’s voice is STUNNING! She and Jaquel Spivey had great chemistry and their friendship felt so genuine!

The opening and ending transitions from the garage were everything to me

The EDITING

Angourie Rice is a great actor and fit Cady perfectly… except for her singing. Out of the entire cast she was easily the weakest in terms of vocals and it was pretty disappointing since she’s the LEAD. I could barely hear her in the new song “What Ifs” because of how quiet and breathy she was. I think it’s a better written song compared to “Roar” though.

Jon Hamm cameo!

Ashley Park cameo!

I cannot stress enough how funny this movie was. I was probably laughing louder than everyone else in the theatre.

I lost my shit during “Meet the Plastics” when Regina unzipped her jacket and Cady was staring at her boobs. She’s just like me fr 🏳️‍🌈

I know that Regina is a horrible person but I couldn’t find it in me to dislike her in the slightest. She just served too much cunt 😩

Christopher Briney is a good actor, but I don't think he was the right choice for Aaron Samuels. I would hate to ridicule anyone for their looks, but it still plays an important part in casting. Aaron is supposed to be a somewhat naive, wholesome, hot jock (and Regina has high standards, so he better be a fucking model). Briney is definitely a cutie, but gives off “smoldering badboy with a secret sensitive side” energy, which isn’t what Aaron should be.

The fantasy sequences (Stupid With Love, Revenge Party, October 3rd). I LOVE when movie musicals USE the medium to tell stories in a way that they can’t on a stage!!!

THE CHOREO!!! Everyone freezing then shaking in “Someone Get Hurt” AHHHH that entire number was HYPNOTIZING!!!!!!!!!!! My friend told me the choreographer’s name is Kyle Hanagami, so shout out to him. (also reneé rapp was so fucking hot while singing that oh my lord)

I will be calling my pimples “face breasts” from now on (avantika ilysm)

DAMIAN’S FRENCH COVER OF THE ICARLY THEME SONG 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏

why was there a 0.5 camera shot of cady during revenge party 💀

“I’d Rather Be Me” was so much fun and I felt so fucking empowered. And the transition from the song to the bus was just *chef’s kiss*

“donut worry i am still your freend” 🥺

Lindsay Lohan cameo!!!!!!!!!

NOT ENOUGH RENEÉ RAPP 😭😭

Overall, the movie was not perfect, but the Broadway show already had plenty of flaws, so it’s understandably how that would affect the adaptation. I still a LOT of fun and would definitely see it again. Go stream Snow Angel by Reneé Rapp. i love women 🥰🥰🥰

[yeokii]

# arguments with enha hyung line pt 2 !! (prt one) — bookshelf

pairings bf!enha hyungline x gn!reader﹒ genre angst ㅤㅤ ✷ warnings fighting, profanity ʚ wordcount 2.4k

ykii :: erm i kinda got carried away with hee's prt but here's the long awaited part 2!!

# lee heeseung

As you stormed out of the apartment, tears welled up in your eyes. The pain in your chest felt suffocating, and you couldn't believe how quickly everything had unraveled. The streets outside seemed blurry, which mirrored the way you felt inside.

Heeseung stayed.

He didn't go after you.

He stayed there, shocked with what just happened. A mix of anger and regret rushed through him. But most of all, he felt worried. You left alone in the night. You were very vulnerable.

But he couldn't go after you. He wouldn't. His stubbornness made him stay back. He plopped himself on the couch as he let out the biggest sigh he was holding in.

He felt dizzy and numb. It took him moments to process the entire argument. And then he realised he fucked up.

He quickly took out his phone to call you, but you wouldn't pick up. Of course you wouldn't.

And then. It started raining. Heavily.

"Fuck."

You were definitely not safe out there. He rushed to take his jacket and and left the apartment.

Heeseung heart was laced with worry and anxiety as he started to search for you. The rain began to put down heavily. He was drenched from head to toe, but he didn't care. He wanted to find you.

And there you were sitting on a bench at the nearby park. You were drenched swell, but didn't care about that.

Heeseung rushed towards you yelling out your name.

You looked up to see your boyfriend running towards you.

He slowed down and stood infront of you, panting. He hugged you, not caring that the position you both were in was uncomfortable.

"Thank god I found you." He panted, as he held you close.

But you didn't budge. You just sat there pondering what you and Heeseung had become.

You slightly pushed him to give yourself space before standing up.

You finally met his guilty and regretful gaze.

"Heeseung.." You couldn't bring yourself to mutter out some words.

"Yn, please." He cried, " I know I messed up. I'm so fucking sorry. I can't lose you." Th rain did no use in covering his tears as one by one fell down to his cheeks.

"I can't do this anymore, hee." You mumbled, "That was the last straw, I'm sorry."

"No, please."

"I'll stay with my friend tonight and I'll come over tomorrow to get my stuff."

"This is unfair, you can't do this to me." He protested, desperately as held both of your hands begging you to not leave him.

He knew what he did was wrong, but he couldn't handle the mere thought of ever loosing you and now its happening right before his eyes.

"I'm sorry." Is all you said, from removing your hands from his and walking away.

₊﹒other members under the cut !!

# park jongseong

It had been an hour since you dint open the door, Jay was right in-front of it and you were right behind it. Jay sighed, guilt washing all over him.

"Sweets, please open the door, I'm so sorry." He mumbled, his apology sounding genuine.

"It was a rough day," He muttered. "I wasn't doing my best like I always was at work and they all kept criticising me. I shouldn't have taken it out on you like that." He sighed.

You hesitated for a moment, finding sympathy in his story, but he still should have been a bit more reasonable as you were worried about him.

Slowly and hesitantly, you opened the door. His face that once was hardened with frustration was now filled with regret and guilt. He slowly walked towards you and embraced you.

"I'm so sorry," His voice sounding sincere. "I shouldn't have snapped at you like that. I never meant to, sweet."

You stood there silently, before returning the hug. "I know you have a lot on your plate, but you can't speak to me like that."

"You're right, sweets." He said. "You always are."

"You know I love you, right?" He said as he pulled out from the hug as he locked eyes with you.

"You better." You said, trying to lighten up the mood. "Another woman would've left you ages ago."

He chuckled as he reconnected the hug.

# sim jaeyun

You locked yourself in the bedroom, your once teary eyes turned into uncontrollable sobs. You couldn't believe your boyfriend forgot your anniversary and had the audacity to play it off like it was a daily thing.

You spent the next thirty minutes, cuddled up with your blanket in the bed until you heard knocks from the door.

You raised your head up and your saw a heart shaped note slide under the door.

You stood up from the bed and went towards the note, the curiosity taking over you.

As you reached the door, you picked up the note and read its contents.

"dear yn,

This is cupid by the way!! I hope you know your boyfriend is very sad about the anniversary fiasco! I scolded him a lot for that. And now surprise surprise! he's planning something very dear and special! Make sure to look forward to it... but first, maybe open the door? Your boyfriend is very sad and waiting for you :(

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤlove, cupid"

Your teary eyes started to return as you opened the door seeing your pouty boyfriend. You tried to make you look stern as your gaze met his.

"I'm not gonna fall for these childish things, Jake." You said, unconsciously pouting.

"Are you still mad at me?" He timidly asked.

You rolled your eyes and hugged the man infront of you. You could already see the big smile plastered on his face.

"Next time, I'm breaking up with you." You said, your face snuggled in the crook of his neck.

"I'll make sure there won't be a next time, beautiful."

# park sunghoon

You sat on your sofa, hugging your knees as you remeber the past events that happened before you rushed out of that outing and went home. Th humiliation that you felt still lingered in your chest.

The door opened showing a frustrated Sunghoon barging in, his footsteps heavy in anger. His gaze wasn't on you yet. He kicked his shoes off and there his jacket on the kitchen counter.

You glanced up at him to see that his eyes met yours.

"What the fuck?" He yelled.

"Sunghoon, I told you not to speak about me like that." You mumbled, building your voice.

"God yn, it was a fucking joke." He scoffed.

"To me it wasn't." you replied.

"You're so sensitive, it's embarrassing." Sunghoon's face was laced with irritation. "You always have to ruin everything, huh?"

"Can't you just respect my boundaries, its not that hard." You stood up.

"Boundaries? You made a whole fucking scene there. You embarrassed me!"

Your heart fell to your stomach as his words cut deep. You took a deep breath, as you knew what you had to do even if it would hurt you.

"If you can’t respect my boundaries, then we shouldn't be together anymore." You said, sternly.

Sunghoon froze for a moment as if a huge wave of regret gushed over him. He was filled with disbelief "What?"

"We're done."

"You can't be serious!" He said, the consequences of his actions hitting him.

"I am. I can't be with someone who doesn't respect me."

The once comforting room where you and Sunghoon shared a lot of memories felt suffocating. But you knew it was for the best for the both of you.

perm taglist!! @flwoie @zuyairus @bubblytaetae @yenqa @haknom @redm4ri

[bipp-bopp-time-to-stop]

A Collection of Obsession

I'll admit that it was my own procrastination this time around that stopped me from posting this sooner. But it's done now and at the time of posting this I have less than twenty minutes until I leave for work so I am rushing. This piece is not as thoroughly proofread as my others so far and I wanted to try something different (meaning that I didn't want to write a torture scene). Instead, y'all get to enjoy Legend being an absolute little creepy bastard man.

TW: Lots of suggestive stuff but nothing explicitly stated, yandere themes, brief mentions of blood, I want to put a restraining order on Legend after writing this

///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

“If I may bring your attention over here, dear customer, I think you’ll find that these wares are more to your liking. Take this copper and quartz bracelet, for example! Though it may not glimmer like gems and gold or match well with any gowns or suits, it serves its purpose in a more practical way than fashionable. Here- touch it! Yes… yes, you feel that? It’s a spell of protection! And a potent one at that! You see, copper and quartz are great choices for enchantments as they…”

Though he may consider Ravio a good friend, Legend can only listen to him prattle on for so long. And when you were the one listening to the purple rabbit with such rapt attention? No matter how mundane the object or how simple the spell might be? Gods, Legend would have to shove a sock down his throat to get him to shut up.

But… Legend can’t exactly blame the merchant for his gabbiness. He can’t blame anyone for acting giddy around you. He and his brothers would know.

Any and everything you did just… did something nothing else could. Legend could take all sorts of pain medication or even healing potions, but it’d do nothing to soothe out the deep aches in his muscles and bones. But when you would offer to massage his shoulders when he had flare ups? Calm and pleasure would seep into his joints and bones like he had taken a day’s long soak in a hot spring.

Your genuine reactions were another thing that Legend found so precious. Despite having traveled with him and the rest for months, you still oohed and ahhed at anything with a hint of magic in it. Even when feeling an appropriate level of fear towards monsters, he could always see some hint of awe in your eyes. Not to mention the pure wonder he witnessed when you were greeted by the sights of dragons and fairies and all inbetween.

It was like Legend was rediscovering the world through a brand new pair of lenses. All of the geological monuments or sights that he used to dismiss did have some level of majesty to them. The speckled night sky and the blazing sunsets and sunrises were rather breath taking, he would admit. “Not as breathtaking as you” is what he’d want to say but Wars always beat him to the punch. And then Legend would, typically, physically punch him later.

And he loved you for all of it.

He loved how genuine and real (because you are- you are real and this is no dream) everything felt. It was like the unseen muck clinging to his soul was cleansed from him when he was around you. His drive, his heartbeat, and his every breath was fueled by you. He adored that you made him see the silver linings in things when his pessimism gnawed at his mind. He had to stop himself from physically crooning into your arms when you’d hold him so tenderly after he awoke from a nightmare. Even when it was habit to snap or quip when in a moment of vulnerability, you still held the shards of glass that he was in your hands without fear of being cut. And if he ever hurt you, no matter how or to what capacity, he’d want you- need you- to inflict it make onto him tenfold or else he’d just have to do it himself and he long gave up on being gentle in such regards.

The long and short of it is that you made Legend feel alive. His heart- his chewed up, spat out, stomped on, cursed at, beaten up, and bruised heart- was yours. His soul- his battered, broken, and down trodden soul- was yours. He is yours. He is only yours. Curse Hylia and all the other goddesses who ever used him as a means to an end. He cares not that the Hero’s Spirit thrums within his veins. He cares not to defile it with sweet sin and indulge in what he pleases. You- you are what he wishes to please and he cares not for what way it is to be done. If you wish for him to continue on being a courageous hero, then so be it. If you want to see him cave into desire and darkness, it will be done. Your word is scripture and he, a preacher.

But…

You won’t leave him without… perhaps a gift or two to reward his devotion?

Unlike some others, he would like to be upfront to you about every feeling of his and what he’s done but he knows he can’t. It’s intense- to the point that that word can feel like an understatement. That intensity would scare, no, terrify you- so Legend keeps his mouth shut. So, because you technically don’t know of his deeds or to the extent of which they go, it’d be wrong for Legend to ask for rewards so out of the blue. No worries, though… he knows how to take them.

He’d never steal from you- no! Gods, no! He just… takes things that are of no use to you anymore. Trash, if he had to label what some of these items were to you. One man’s junk is another man’s treasure, as they’d say. These gifts were too precious for Legend to just leave behind at his house, so he kept them close in a secret satchel of his bag. When this adventure was all over, his first objective would be to redecorate part of his home so he could display this new collection with pride. Not that he’d really need it when the real thing would be in the next room regardless if it was by choice.

At the current moment, his collection wasn’t very big but it was filled with treasures he considered priceless.

A solid choice for comfort was a lightly stained handkerchief. While it had not been in your possession for long, you did use it quite a bit. You had played an undercover role while in a town for a few days, posing yourself as a bright, bubbly, and slightly air-headed noble. Many fake tears, both happy and sad, had been wiped away on this square of cloth. The handkerchief was saturated in your essence by the end of the mission and the normal course of action would be to throw it away. Legend was not about to let that happen, though- not when the item held so much of you. He can still taste the subtlest sweet and salty tang on his tongue whenever the fabric is brought to his lips.

For a more bitter than sweet item to bring him back to his senses whenever he was off his game was a large patch of gauze. The blood that stained it had long since turned brown and slightly rancid, but Legend was not about to throw it away. It was a reminder that you, although more divine than the goddesses themselves, still bled and could still perish (even entertaining such an idea for a split second was enough to ruin Legend’s day and kick up a nightmare come bedtime). It was from your first major wound you obtained when traveling with the group and you got it whilst defending a downed Wind from a few black blooded moblins. Legend was proud of your efforts that day yet ashamed of himself for letting you be in such a situation without back up. You were- under certain conditions, of course- allowed to partake in battle with him and his brothers. You preferred to swing and hack at your enemies instead of using technique, but that in and of itself had its own charm. Legend disliked you being dirtied by anything, but seeing your visage dripping with the blood of your enemies- watching the thick liquid curve down the contours of your armor, hearing you huff and puff and snarl from beneath your helmet, seeing your slowly growing muscle mass twitch and tighten to adjust your stance or grip- did something fierce to the man. He’d find an excuse to be alone for a moment to… “relieve” himself and sing out your praises under hushed and hot breaths.

His second favorite treasure of his private collection was one of the few things you actually did gift him. It was a strange item in the fact that Legend had never seen anything like it and likely never would unless the group was to end up in your world. It’s a very ridiculous item that’s called a- and he had to ask you to repeat this multiple times because he couldn’t believe it- worm on a string. Or, as you had also endearingly named the painfully bright pink, googly eyed strip of fuzz- Fred. It took Legend some time to get used to Fred, but he eventually began to look upon the worm with some joy after awhile (out of amusement of the absurdity that was Fred, The Worm on a String). He had honed his sleight of hand over the years so manipulating the thin, practically nonexistent string that was attached to Fred was a piece of cake once he got the hang of it. Causing the fuzzy worm to wiggle around his fingers, jump from hand to hand, or even jokingly make it dance to music was a quick way to make either himself or someone else laugh. Despite the toy’s sheer level of strangeness, Legend partly saw himself reflected in it. How it did whatever the puppeteer wanted it to do but made it appear as if it acted upon free will was something Legend related to more than he’d like.

His all time favorite treasure of this collection was something he felt like he could never reveal to you. Not necessarily because of what they were, but because of what Legend has done in relation to the items. The items in question being your clothes. Not any old tunic or pair of trousers- no, your original clothes. The very same clothes you had been wearing the moment you met him and the rest and changed their lives for forever. 

You had worn them whenever possible for the longest time as a source of comfort both physically and mentally. These clothes, though, were better suited for lounging around the house than adventuring so it took naught but two weeks for them to end up to frayed to continue wearing. When Legend had taken them from you, he promised to fix them up to the best of his ability and then return them to you. And he did, but… he believed you had no need for the clothes anymore as you grew used to adventuring gear rather quickly and… Legend would feel guilty and ashamed for days on end considering what he did to the fabric. While good with a needle and thread, removing stubborn stains from fabric proved a bit more difficult than Legend had hoped for.

The hoodie had been the first article to be defiled. After it was patched up, Legend had tried it on out of curiosity and understood its charm. He also noticed that it must have been something you wore often given how heavily your scent clung to the soft cloth even after a few washes. The smell was warm, musky, and a little sweet like fresh bread and linen sheets and Legend could inhale it for hours on end if he was allowed. Whenever he had been alone with it for long periods of time, he would don it and trace his hands over it. His imagination conjured up images as wholesome as your embrace to something more… racy, such as feeling the dips and swells of your body beneath the hoodie or even slowly peeling it off of you to reveal a sea of bare skin ready to be inscribed with all manner of loving marks.

The second item was your pants. It was made of material as equally soft as the hoodie but thinner and therefore weaker. The inner thighs of the pants had already been frayed from prior use and those little holes were made more apparent due to the many hours of walking you had to do almost every day. Though you had lost some fat and replaced it with muscle, Legend imagined that the plush of your thighs would still strain and spill out of these little holes. Just wondering what it’d be like to kneel between your thighs and have a chance at kissing and licking at those spots of skin made Legend a weak man.

The third and final item was the one that brought Legend the most shame. Were he ever caught, he was sure he could explain away wearing or worshiping messing around with your hoodie or pants but… your underwear? No, there’s no coming back from that one. Not if he was found with his nose buried into the fabric. Not if he was found nibbling on it while all manner of saucy and raunchy thoughts invaded his mind. Not if it was revealed that, at one point in time, he had worn them for a full day and all it would take was for his tunic to flip up a little to reveal them.

Yeah… this collection of his was definitely going to stay private for awhile longer.

It was more than just material items that Legend considered to be a part of this growing collection of his, though. It was also moments and memories- things that were intangible and could never be bottled up. He could inscribe words onto paper, sure, but he was far from poetic and would hate to potentially soil these fond memories with lackluster writing. Memories like the first time you truly smiled at him. Memories like the sheer joy and victory that washed over your face when you successfully downed your first boss monster. Memories like your soft breathing against his neck when you had fallen asleep against his shoulder after partaking in some drinking games with him and the others.

And moments like what was happening right now.

Legend’s senses have never felt this electric before. Every smell in the air of the small inn room was sharp and distinct. Even when cloaked in shadow and dim moonlight, Legend could make out the contour of every dresser or picture frame with ease. His ears picked up on the sound of the outside breeze, the creaks of the floorboards, and the blood rushing through him. The taste of tonights dinner was still prevalent on his tongue along with the sweet undertones of the honey ale served to him by the inn’s staff. Lastly, there was the feeling of his clothes rubbing up against him whenever he moved or breathed, the way stray strands of his hair would tickle against his face, and the way you were tucked up against him.

Although five double rooms were booked for the night, it seems like the inn only had four to spare. As a result, Legend found himself sharing a single bed with you for the night. Fortunately, no one else knew of this arrangement as the innkeeper still told the group that five double rooms had been prepared for them. Unfortunately, however, was that the discovery of this single bed situation was only found out when you and Legend went to retire for the night. It was a shock to you both but you had recovered faster than he did and treated it far more casually too.

Stubborn as any Link, you had argued that it wasn’t that different than sleeping in the same tent together. After all, all that ever separated you from whoever your partner was for the night was a bed roll. It was this course of thought that caused you to drag Legend into the bed with you and then almost instantly knock out like a light. Had the two of you managed to stay on your respective side of the bed for the whole night would have potentially made him feel a little less nervous about the situation. As Legend quickly found out, though, you had a habit to latch onto things in your sleep.

Your head was nuzzled into the crook of his neck and your slow breaths cascaded down his throat and spanned across his collar bone. Your arms were loosely wrapped around his torso and although they felt lax in their grip, Legend didn’t have the strength in him to tear away. Despite trying to angle his body away from yours, your legs still ended up being intertwined with his own. You clung to him gently and completely- like something a lover would do and not a friend. That simple thought stirred up a storm in Legend’s heart and he had no idea how to calm it.

Legend was a bomb ready to blow. He didn’t know if he’d get up and run away like a coward or finally listen to the animalistic urge chittering in the back of his mind like the rabbit he loathed to be. The two courses of actions were locked with each other in a stalemate that had Legend sweating like a sinner in church. That is what he felt like at the moment and was, after all. Your body is a temple and he’d love to do nothing more than worship the holy grounds of your skin but he couldn’t. He was filthy, unclean, and drowned in sin. His mere presence near you in the moment felt like a violation to your being. Considering the many images and fantasies that have bounced around in his head more times than he can count, he felt he was ready to be burned at the stake.

You twitch and Legend freezes. He’s stiff as a board as you adjust your position in your sleep and he finds his nose nearly pressed up against the crown of your head. He caves and allows himself to inhale. It’s deep and filled to the brim with your scent. Your hair hadn’t been washed in a day so no smell of shampoo clung to it anymore but it was far more addicting that way.

Finally, Legend managed to move himself but it wasn’t away from you like he should. He idly carded a hand through your hair and marveled at the strands like they were made of gold. He did his best to not let his fingers get caught on any knots lest he wake you. Any number of lie could excuse his actions as nothing more than accidental but that would required Legend actually speaking and he was sure his throat had closed up the second he got into bed.

Legend twisted a small strand together and rubbed the tip of it between his fingers. The hair fibers were soft and smooth but not to the point of silk. It felt like messing around with the brush part of a newly crafted paint brush. Hmm… your hair would definitely make for an interesting tool if used in such a way but Legend quickly thought of something much better.

What sense of dignity and virtue he had left finally seemed to admit defeat as Legend reached to his side for the small dagger he carried with himself at all times. It was never smart to be without a weapon or tool- especially given his track record. He curled a small lock of hair around his finger until he reached your scalp. With precise movements, he brought the blade to your hair and began to saw against it. In a moments time, Legend pulled his hands away and with it came his newest prize.

With nothing to tie the hair up with, Legend resorted to knotting it onto itself. A single knot would be enough to do the job and then it was tucked away into his pocket without problem. While this all happened, you remained snoozing away. Your peaceful image made Legend’s heart twist with guilt and shame but the giddiness of obtaining a new treasure soothed the ache.

“Mmmmmmph…”

With a tiny groan, you hoisted yourself up onto your elbows and away from Legend. The ice that was in his veins only minutes ago return with a vengeance as Legend realizes that he’s about to be caught. To torment him even further, his burst of shamelessness scurries away and his moral code- no matter how busted and dingy it now was- had his face flushed full of embarrassment.

“Mmmmmmmmhhh… Legend?” You called out as you cracked open your bleary eyes. Your voice was rough from just waking up and still interwoven with fatigue. It had to have been the cutest you’ve sounded yet in Legend’s opinion.

“What?” Legend huffed after a beat. Narrowing his eyes and crossing his arms, the man did his best to appear as his normal, snarky self.

“What time is it?” You ask as you rapidly blink and rub at your eyes.

“Still nighttime. You have a nightmare?” Legend replies before asking his own question. Whenever the group was staying in an inn, you always managed to sleep like a log. So, to see you randomly wake up after only a few hours of sleep, Legend felt that something was amiss.

“No… jus’ overheating,” You murmured out. It seemed like a higher power was not yet done poking fun at Legend tonight as you began to remove your shirt. Any protest for you to stop died on Legend’s tongue. Even in the lackluster moonlight sneaking in through the curtains, Legend could make out the silhouette of your side and the detailing of your skin. The sheen of sweat collected on you was obvious proof that you weren’t lying to Legend or finding some excuse to shed your shirt. A small, sick part of him wondered if you’d shed more and if he should copy you and what your reaction would be and if you’d grant him the ultimate wish of allowing his dreams to become reality.

You leaned back and flopped back onto your side with a huff and didn’t bother to cover yourself back up with a blanket. You were overheating and that was to be expected but it sure as hell was making things so much worse. How the hell was he expected to get any sleep now?! Your exposed back is right there! All of its intricate layers of muscle and soft pads of fat made his fingers twitch just… just a little touch won’t hurt, will it? He watched as a bead of sweat grew big enough to lazily run down your back he suddenly found himself feeling very parched. He couldn’t tell if this was meant to be another gift or some form of divine punishment for the unsavory things he’s done.

When a low groan rumbled from you and you tossed around for a bit, Legend was reminded that this was rather uncomfortable for you. He got up and went over to his bag for something to help. Upon finding a rag and a bottle of cool water, Legend knew exactly what to do.

In the blink of an eye, he was right back at you side. He wasted no time in wiping you down and his heart fluttered when a relaxed noise left your mouth at his actions. He handed you the bottle of water while he made sure not a drop of sweat was left clinging to you. He did his best to keep his breathing under control and to not wipe down too hard with his shaking grip. After one of the best ten minutes he’s had in awhile, he pulls away and gives you some space.

“Thank… you…” you whisper before falling back asleep. Legend is too laser focused on the damp rag in his hands to respond. He’d look over at you every minute to check on how deep of a sleep you were in. Once he was sure you were fast asleep, he made his escape.

When you awoke in the morning, it was thanks to Wind flopping onto you and squeezing the breath out of you. You shoved the little shit off and waited for Legend to bark out some heated words at him but he didn’t. In fact… where was Legend?

“He’s already downstairs with everyone else. In fact, Time said that he was up before him,” Wind answers the unasked question. He leans in a little with an exaggerated expression on his face. “I’d avoid him if I were you, though. He’s acting sort of- ugh, nice. It’s creepy.”

With the warning(?) in mind, you went downstairs with Wind after you got changed. True to his word, Legend bore a slightly more lax and passive face than he usually did in the morning. You were sure your eyes were fooling you at this point but did he just smile at you???

“Sleep well? Sorry if I made you lose any z’s thanks to my hot flash,” You speak up once you’re sat down beside Legend.

“No, no… it’s alright,” Legend idly responds. This time you’re completely sure that he’s smiling because you’ve never seen him smile so… animalistically before. He may not have had Twilight’s sharper teeth, but you knew a wolfish grin when you saw one. He leaned in close, spurred on by a sudden burst of confidence, and whispered into your ear behind a cupped hand. The words confused you at first but quickly caused your face to nearly match Legend’s tunic.

“Is everything alright?” Hyrule pipes up once he notices you and Legend. The innocent lad tilts his head at lack of response from either of you and you don’t dare to look him in those big ol’ pools of green. Besides, how could you tell him of all people what Legend just said?

He’d never look at his predecessor the same way ever again if he heard that filth.

[fandomsoda]

So… we’ve come this far, huh?

Today is officially the one year anniversary of my time on Tumblr, and the one year anniversary of my friendship with the lovely person who is @/dinosaurzzz (the slug cat on the right is its sona!).

It is honestly incomprehensible to me that it has been a full year since I got on this site and honestly it has completely changed my life. I have grown more as a person in this year than I believe I ever have in my whole prior life combined. I have found a community where I am loved, where I am safe, and where I am given the space to learn and grow from my mistakes, and that is completely fucking invaluable to me. And I will forever thank Dino for being the final thing to push me to finally get on this site that I already figured would be perfect for me. It has been such a wild ride, and even if Tumblr has muffled the reach of my posts at the moment, I am going to scream this one from the rooftops, and try to show appreciation for everyone who has helped me along this journey.

First of all shout out to my incredible partner @wishtale-blogs, she is the love and light of my life and she truly understands me and has my back. I never, ever thought that I would meet someone who both gets me completely and contrasts me perfectly and having her in my life is something I would never trade absolutely anything for. When you’re young it seems like destiny for partnerships to fall apart simply by nature of it being so early in life, but I genuinely feel as if this is unshakable, and I’m just.. so happy to have her.

And with that I’d next like to shout out our adoptive sons, @karineverse and @the-selfmade-gods. Both of you are absolute angels, lights of my life and people that I would protect with my life. Thank you so much for being here for me and being here for all of your friends and staying strong through all you’ve been through. I’m proud of you, truly I am so proud of you and I love you as if you were my own flesh and blood.

Now, I am going to list out every single person I can think of whom I consider a friend. There will not be elaboration here as this post will be long enough as-is, but just know that I could write a blurb for each of you for why I adore you so much, some of you a whole essay. If your name is not here and you consider us friends, do not hesitate to message or ask me about it, I never want to leave people out and I know how anxiety-inducing it can be to not wind up on one of these lists with someone you care about. That being said, here are the names of all of my amazing friends, in no particular order:

@twinklesporkle, @justanidiotartist, @nyxus-nyx, @jupiter-nwn, @rib-rabbitmask, @still-got-no-idea, @liliallowed, @ashburntcat, @ponnedapple, @person-of-many-names, @itzcherrybonbon, @spamsbylee, @nevil-gonslek, @duckielikeserror, @psycho-chair, @letsatomicbanana, @starmonsterrr, @midnightstarshadow, @colorfulpaintspills, @kenopsia-ksp, @autisticseapanda, @hiro-doodlez, @cherrio-krispz, @emerald-onion, @the-save-star-anomaly, @everydaygremlin, @dreamsb0u, @skylerfurmaniac, @meimeikyu, @silly-inksans-stuff, @sketchingstars03, @shenanogram, @sargentvenipede

And with these friends, I’d also like to take a moment to thank followers of mine who I’ve never known super personally but still value immensely. I don’t truly know you guys, but you seem amazing, thank you so much for being here.

@hex0code, @cherrifruiti, @gloomywoomymoon, @atherflame-theconcubus, @neonordream, @finleyforevermore, @epicnightm, @youracecard, @pearbranch14823, @palisadewasp @wolvesbaneandbuttercups, @crunchontoast, @bloomyspring

Thank all of you so, so much. There would probably be more names but there is a mention limit of 50, so I had to cut some down. Either way, thank you all a million, you all mean so much to me and I think this day is truly going to be the start of a new beginning.

And to all the people who would have been here, the friends who should have been here but aren’t…

if it’s simply because we haven’t talked in a while, I hope you’re alright and I miss you.

but if it’s because you’ve harmed me, I still hope you’re alright and growing as a person. I’m sorry we didn’t work out and I promise I miss the you that I knew. I wish that things had happened differently, and even though you’re likely not seeing this I hope today can be the start of new beginnings for you too. Thanks for the impacts that you’ve left on me, even if those are scars. You guys have also helped make me into who I am, and without hardship it would be hard for me to learn.

Here’s to a new day, and any more lovely years to come.

[torialefay]

☀️ Everyday Idol 🌙 (Chapter 6)

✨ possible bangchan x reader (f), possible jungkook x reader (f)

✨ head on over to my masterlist if you haven’t checked out the previous chapters!

✨wc: ~6.5k

✨ friends to lovers? possible love triangle? obsession? angst and future smut??? a little fluff.

✨ summary: JYP Entertainment launches a new show and y/n somehow gets recruited. Even though she doesn’t particularly care about the outcome of the show, she does particularly care about one of the artists she met: Chris from Stray Kids. Does Chris feel the same or will a potential relationship with one of his friends overcome what y/n feels for him?

✨ warnings: cursing from time to time.

Previous Chapter Recap:

You both started moving as quickly as you could toward the end of the street, rounding a corner. You looked back to see if Jungkook was still in site. You didn't see anything, but that didn't mean he wasn't still following.

Changbin flagged down a cab and pushed the both of you inside.

"The JYP Building, please. Quickly." he instructed the cab driver.

"That's the opposite direction of my hotel! Here, it's actually-" Changbin cut you off.

"If someone is following you, do you really want them to know which direction to take for your hotel?"

'Good point.'

"JYP Building please!" you yelled toward the cab driver. You clung tight to Changbin's arm, swerving your head frantically to get a view through all of the windows.

—————————————————————————————————————————————

Y/n’s POV:

Your breathing started to steady once you both had reached the JYPE building.

You grabbed onto Changbin, stabilizing yourself and waiting for a few moments.

“Nothing bad could happen here, right?” you questioned.

“Nah, there’s a million cameras,” he replied back.

You took a moment to look around, unsteady on your feet from the alcohol in your system. You checked to make sure you still had your bag and all of its contents before looking around. And in that moment, you cursed the glass walls all around you. You may have been safe INSIDE the building, but who knew who could be looking in from out there?

“Binnie, can we please go somewhere else? Somewhere there’s less windows?” you asked, suddenly feeling nervous again.

Changbin pulled you along to the elevator, waiting with you once he pressed the “up” button.

“Let’s go to the lounge. We’ll be okay up there. Plus… there’s snacks,” he winked.

“I could genuinely puke right now Changbin, I don’t think a snack is what I need.”

He looked down at you and watched as you swayed back and forth on your feet, just trying to keep yourself up.

“Well… you are also hammered. And I’m pretty bad off myself. So I do think sobering-up snacks are in order,” he instructed, walking onto the elevator with you as it opened.

On your ascent, Changbin started listing all the snacks that he could recall off the top of his head that were in the lounge. It was an abnormally long list… even for Changbin. He had to have come up with at least 20 different things.

‘Damn. This man really knows his snacks.’ Nothing sounded particularly interesting though. You weren’t kidding about the possible vomit. The nerves hadn’t settled yet. Maybe it was easy for a buff guy like Changbin to brush this kind of stuff off, but you knew Jungkook had an advantage over you. What would you have done without Bin there?

“Do you guys have coffee? I think that actually might be in order. I’ve got this splitting headache all of a sudden,” you said, reaching up to hold your head.

“Yeah, I’m sure we do somewhere. I’ll find it for you,” he smiled down.

Changbin led you back to the lounge, which you’d recognized as you’d gotten water here before. He started sorting through some of the drawers and cabinets looking for coffee. There was a coffee maker, but nothing to put it in.

“Hold on, no coffee to be found. I’ll go ask around. One of the staff is surely here and they’ll know,” he told you, getting ready to walk out of the door.

“No, that’s okay, really. I’ll manage without it.”

“Well I might not! Now that you mentioned it, it’s all I can think about. I’ll be right back!” he exclaimed, walking out and leaving you to yourself for the first time all night.

You didn’t like it. How quiet the building was at this time of night. Normally, at least a few people would still be here training or working on a project. But on a Friday night with the weekend off, you hadn't seen or heard a soul since you entered the building.

Uncomfortable with the silence, you slipped your phone out of your bag. You flipped through a couple of apps half-mindedly when you thought you should probably shoot Anna a text. You made sure to let her know you'd went to the JYPE building with Changbin and that you'd have to explain later. You didn't feel like you were in the best position to be texting right now.

As you sent the message, you let your thumbs wander back to your last messages with Jungkook. Nothing new since you’d gone out. There was nothing out of the ordinary… Just him telling you to have fun and let him know how you were doing later.

As drunk as you were still, you knew better than to send a text during all of this.

‘What would I say anyway? “Hey so uhhh are you hiding out in the bushes for me or what?”…’ The thought of actually sending it made you laugh. Albeit unfittingly. But it tried soothing your nerves.

Not much could help though. You just kept staring at the messages wondering what you could have said differently. Wondering what would have happened if you wouldn’t have mentioned that Changbin would be there. Would he have showed up then? Or would he have still come and then got extremely mad when he saw you with Changbin?

You let your mind wander to what could have happened had Changbin not been there to try and walk you back to your hotel. You would have been alone. And then what? Still being followed? Your every move being watched? Would you have even made it back to your hotel at the end of the night?

You had a million ideas of what COULD have happened to you. And suddenly, it all hit you at the same time.

Emotions started to flood in at how overwhelming all of this was. You had normally been spending all of your time slaving away over school work, way too busy to have any form of social life. And now, since being in Korea, you had been cast on a TV show, met a bajillion Korean celebrities, become friends with some of the biggest names in the K-pop industry, had your heart torn between two guys who were entirely unreal, gone on a date with THE Jeon Jungkook… and now you were being stalked?!

Besides Anna, you were all alone- a foreigner in this country. You had literally no one else. Wouldn’t Jungkook have known that? If something would have happened to you, -if you would have gone missing, who would have fought to get you found? Your other foreigner friend? And how much would the Korean law enforcement and investigators care to find a random foreign girl who probably “wandered off with some guy after a night of drinking”? You could have easily been fucked.

The emotions of how small you felt in that moment overcame you. You felt a few tears trickle down your face, suddenly starting to feel homesick. You let yourself slide to the floor and bring your knees in to your chest as you focused on your breathing. Deep steady breaths.

In. Inhale… Out. Exhale… In. Inhale… Out. Exhale…

Just as you were calming yourself down, in walked Changbin with, of course, none other than Christopher.

‘Couldn’t he have found literally anyone else?’ You tucked your face down into your knees.

“No, I swear I looked everywhere! You go on then!” Changbin yelled to him before noticing you. Once he did, he rushed over.

“Hey, hey,” he called, agging you to look up. “What happened? You okay?”

You slowly brought your head up to him as you saw Chan making his way over behind him. You let out a sniffle and wiped at your eye.

“Just start getting nervous and lost in my thoughts when I’m alone I guess,” you tried to smile.

“Is everything okay?” Chan looked down at you, visibly confused from the sight of you.

In that moment, you were thankful in assuming Changbin hadn’t said anything… but then again, what pride did you have left to lose? Why did you care if you looked good in front of Chan?

‘Surely he doesn’t care now. He obviously has something with Jenna… It’s just so humiliating to talk about. A guy that I think is into me, like ACTUALLY into me, and now here I am getting stalked and then crying about it.’

“Yeah. It will be fine,” you huffed in, catching the last breath you needed. “But Chan, do you know where the coffee is?” you tried to change the subject.

“Uhh, yeah,” he looked down at you, still confused, before turning his body around. “I’m pretty sure they keep it up in this top right cabinet.” He walked over and opened the door to the cabinet. He sorted around the top before pulling one box back, revealing the stash of hidden coffee pods.

“Want me to put some on for you?” Chan asked.

“Yes please,” you smiled, standing yourself up to walk over to the table that Changbin was situating himself into.

“Make that two!” Changbin yelled.

Once the coffees were made, you all sat around trying to beat the awkwardness. There was obviously the elephant in the room of what you didn’t want to talk about. Paired with your underlying neuroticism never going away and both your and Changbin’s dying urge to sober up. It made for a riveting time.

As you all sat, Changbin started slowly nodding off. On and off, he would catch himself falling asleep, then snap back up.

“Bin, why don’t you go home?” you whispered to him as he was coming to.

“No,” he mumbled. “Not gonna leave you here alone.”

“I can literally call a cab later, Binnie. Just go home.”

“I’ll call and get someone to get both me and you then,” he was grumbling now while sitting up as he went to grasp for his phone.

A nervous pit formed in your stomach. You weren’t so sure you’d feel safe back at the hotel. You hadn’t heard back from Anna, so who knew if she would be there yet. You also didn’t quite feel comfortable leaving the building yet. You weren’t sure if anyone could still be hanging around waiting for you…

“No, really, that’s okay. I think I need to stay here for a little bit longer just for… you know,” you looked at him before slowly looking down. “… I’d just like to wait it out… But I will be fine. PLEASE go.”

“I can stay with y/n,” Chan said, confused look on his face. He still had no clue why you were shaken up. “I’m sure Hyunjin is awake. I’ll call him now and let him know to pick you up okay?”

Well that was… unexpectedly nice.

“Okay…” Changbin said, as he laid his heavy head back down against his arm, shutting his eyes. Poor guy. You had no clue he was worse off than you.

—————

15 minutes later and Changbin had been picked up and you had just finished downing your first coffee.

It helped alleviate a bit of the pain in your head, but it wasn’t fully gone. You made yourself another cup, while holding your hand over your head.

“Headache?” Chan asked, motioning up to your displaced hand.

“Yeah. It’s getting a bit better though. It just gets rough if I drink too much… And this blinding-ass office lighting doesn’t help too much either,” you chuckled, looking down into your cup.

“If you want, you’re always welcome to chill in my studio. It’s quite a bit darker in there. I was just getting finished with something actually… I mean if you want to? I’m not gonna say you have to.”

You smiled at Chan’s nice gesture. As uncomfortable as things were with him, you would be grateful to get out from under the harsh lights for a little while.

You took another big gulp of coffee. “I think I could really use that, Chan. Thank you,” you said to him, eyes big and full of gratitude. You smiled.

He cracked a smile back. The first one you’d seen from him all night.

As he led you down the hall to his studio, you couldn’t help but wonder about Chan. You knew you were drunk, yes. But still, something about him just seemed so… on edge? It had been like that all day… Well since he’d blown you off earlier. You tried not to question it, but there was no denying that there was a certain level of awkwardness now between the two of you.

‘Maybe I’m just projecting,’ you thought. ‘None of this is weird for him. He literally is letting your drunk ass sober up in his studio… Not sure how well Jenna is gonna like it though if she finds out.’ You couldn’t help but let your mind wonder.

You watched Chan’s shoulders from behind. How big and broad they were, and the way they moved as he took each step. You noted the way his neck craned forward just the slightest bit, letting him take up even more space. You noticed how tight his traps looked, and how easy it would be to lay a hand there and work them out. ‘But that’d be inappropriate.’

Once you entered the doorway, the studio felt the exact same way it did that night you’d first been invited to cry out your problems with him. Still just as dark, but weirdly inviting. It was always a bit colder than you’d have liked though, and you felt a slight chill move down your back. Regardless, you were extremely grateful to have the bright lights off of you (and your head), so much so that you let out a sigh of relief just from being in the new room.

Chan motioned for you to sit wherever you’d like, and you took your normal position on the couch while he plopped down into his rolling chair.

“Thanks for letting me crash. My head already feels a hundred times better. I won’t stay long, I promise!” you told him, letting your eyes close and head fall back a bit. You were soaking in the new lack of stimulation.

“Stay as long as you’d like,” he awkwardly smiled back. “Like I said, I’m just gonna be finishing up on something. I’m gonna have my headphones on, but let me know if you need anything, yeah?”

You nodded in response, prompting him to swivel his chair around and settle the headphones back onto his ears. You could see over his shoulder that he had some sort of program pulled up, but you weren’t in deep enough yet to have any clue what he was doing.

You took one final sip from your coffee cup before sitting it down and allowing yourself to lean your head back fully, closing your eyes. You knew it was the only thing that would keep this headache at bay.

You couldn’t get exactly “comfortable” though. Chan’s couch definitely wasn’t one meant to be slept on. But it also didn’t help that the temperature kept feeling like it was dropping. Your teeth chattered for a bit, but you definitely weren’t going to admit that to Chan. The man was letting you stay in his person space… What else did you want from him? To go find you a blanket?

You knew you’d be fine; you just had to focus on unfocusing. You let your mind drift and drift until all you could see was black. Stillness. Being in that blissful state was the perfect remedy you’d been looking for. And there you stayed for a solid 10 minutes. Restful sleep.

But not for much longer.

Something in your subconscious couldn’t help it. How could it let you have peace when there was a man out there who was literally stalking you? You started to see apparitions of his face again. The way his outline looked in the dark shadows. The shoes that gave him away.

You pictured what the shoes looked like seconds later. When they were running after you as you fled with Changbin.

Your mind wondered now to Changbin. You hoped he was safe- that nothing happened to him… That no one was waiting for him.

That thought alone pulled your eyes open. You sat up and gulped, not being able to come to terms with the events of the evening.

‘It’s just all too… too much. Way too much.’

You let your head fall down into your hands, which were propped upright from the support of your elbows on your knees. Your headache was almost gone. Now if you could just get your mind to stop racing.

You took deep breaths, trying to get the images of night out of your head- both those seen and those imagined. But it was like no matter what you did, the intrusive thoughts would always win. You just couldn’t get him out of your head. The dichotomy of that man was amazing- how he could make you feel so special in such a pure way just hours earlier and now THIS. That was a terrifying capability.

‘What else is he capable of?’

At some point your breathing must have gotten too labored and caused Chan to turn himself around. You shot your body up at the sudden touch of a hand on your back, terrified expression on your face.

“Woah, it’s okay! It’s alright,” he pulled his hand back and looked at you with a face of confusion and worry. “Is everything okay?”

Do you know that feeling you get when someone asks if you’re okay when you are most definitely NOT okay? Yeah, this was one of those times.

You couldn’t help but to release a few tears.

You tried to keep your composure as best you could. Your covered your mouth with your hand and tried to shield your face from him. You didn’t let more than a few tears come out- you were determined not to.

“Yeah, I’m okay, it’s just-“ you tried to catch your breath. “It’s just been a long night.” You looked away, hoping he would drop it.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“No,” you huffed out, and slightly angled your body away. You took a couple of deep breaths in, trying to steady yourself. Chan kept his eyes fixed on you the entire time. He just wanted to make sure you were really okay.

When you noticed him still watching seconds later, worried expression on his face, you finally gave in. With another deep breath, you raised your head and tilted back towards him.

“Okay, yeah…” You tried to make eye contact with him, but you just couldn’t. It was embarrassing to feel this vulnerable with him- knowing now that you had developed slight feelings for him that weren’t reciprocated. It made you feel like an idiot even being here having to explain in the first place.

“I-“ you breathed out. “I met this guy today for lunch. Nothing crazy, just to get to know each other a little better… I’ll be honest, he was very nice. Seemed super sweet. Had all the right things to say. He’s been so normal through text and all throughout when I saw him. And then- Do you know the dinner the company had for all of us tonight?”

“Mm-hmm.”

“Well obviously, you see how I’m acting now- I guess I had a few too many drinks. So Changbin and I left. But when I looked over, he was there, just standing in a dark corner. He was almost all covered up, so I didn’t catch it at first, but then I recognized his shoes. And I’m not sure if he knows I realized it was him or not but… but I KNOW he saw me. He was looking right at me and didn’t even say anything. He didn’t acknowledge me, didn’t come up to talk to me, didn’t even wave- NOTHING. He just stood there like he was waiting on me… Like waiting on me to come out so he could watch me. Or follow me. Maybe I’m paranoid or delusional or I don’t know…” you shook your head and placed it back in your hands, a frustrated smile coming over your face. All of a sudeen, your words came out rushed, like you were frantic to get them out. “Just something felt so wrong and I got nervous and ran off with Changbin- THANK GOD for him- I don’t know what I would have done without him. And then we came here because if he was following me, then I don’t want him to know where my hotel is and now I’m scared to go back because who knows where he is- he could literally be waiting on me outside right now and I’m just- I’m just so scared and I have literally no clue what to do or where to go or who to talk to or if I can even say anything or-“ Chan cut you off as you were hysterically mumbling at this point.

You noted how his eyes got momentarily bigger, as if he was in total shock himself. It quickly went away though, being replaced with a face that was obviously trying to mask anger. It was subtle, but it was there.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay! Just breathe... Just breathe.” He reached his right hand out to rub reassuring circles along your arm and shoulder.

Something in his voice though wasn’t very reassuring. It sounded almost as if he was surprised. Like he’d been expecting a certain answer but you’d given him another.

You tried to do as he said and slow your breathing as best you could. You eventually got there until you started to breathe normally again- although very lightheaded.

“Atta girl,” he smiled, patting your arm lightly a couple of times. “I know that must have been horrible and so scary… Would it make you feel better if I went out and took a look around?”

You sensed your heart starting to feel warm from his offer. God, it was so hard not to fall for him… But you didn’t want him to leave.

“No, no that’s okay…” you looked off before sheepishly admitting “I think I’d feel safer with you here anyways.”

You watched as his eyes melted into his new-forming smile.

“As you wish,” he smiled at you. “We’ll wait here then.”

“Are you sure? Listen Chris… I really am sorry for all of this. I promise you don’t have to rope yourself into my mess. And I know you’re happy and have a lot going for you, and just… I don’t want anything to get misconstrued and I promise I won’t be upset if you need to go home or anything.”

“Don’t want anything to be misconstrued?” he looked at you with a cocked eyebrow.

“Just with me being here with you this late. I don’t want someone to misinterpret things when you have something good going for you, much less give you any drama because of it.”

“People can say whatever they want, y/n. I don’t mind,” he said gently. “I’m here with you right now and I think that’s where I need to be. That’s all there is to it.”

“Okay,” you smiled up at him. “Thank you for that. I appreciate this more than you know.”

“Naurr, you don’t need to thank me,” he said playfully, leaning back into his chair with a smile. “But what you can do is tell me what exactly you think is ‘something good I have going for me’.” He let out a small chuckle as he ended.

“Everyone has eyes you know…” you trailed off. “You and Jenna. A lot of people have been talking about it.” You looked down.

Chan shifted suddenly in his seat, looking uncomfortable. “Oh… that.” He looked off as well. “Well I mean, I wouldn’t exactly say it’s something good going for me.”

“Well, whatever it is, don’t let me hinder that.”

“You could never! I mean… it’s not really like that- me and her. It’s really not what you probably think. I don’t want you to think that.” His voice had a tone of desperation.

“I mean, I saw you both too… Not in a weird way, but I did see you talking to her during filming. Everyone did. It doesn’t look like nothing, Chan. It’s okay to like someone, ya know?”

“No, y/n, I’m serious. I don’t know what I was thinking, I just- it’s not like that with her okay? I’m not into her like that.”

You glanced behind him to his desk. There sat a small packet of flower food.

‘Maybe Felix was right. Maybe he had bought me flowers…” you smiled to yourself.

You couldn’t help but let your heart overload with the newfound hope you’d just gotten. You didn’t want to get ahead of yourself… Actually scratch that, you didn’t want to allow yourself to be delusional.

But, you had to admit: this was a good distraction.

“Whatever you say, boss,” you winked, poking fun at him.

You could tell he was getting flustered. It was cute.

“Boss, huh?” He smiled. “You gonna keep that same energy up when the show starts? You know, all of you guys who have us as your mentors will be working with us. I’m gonna have to be your boss for a little bit,” he teased.

“Aw man, I might as well just quit now,” you joked.

“Come onnnn, I won’t be that hard on ya. Promise.” You could tell he was trying to sound cool.

“Pinky promise?” You reached your pinky to his.

“Pinky promise,” he hooked his around yours with a grin.

“Alright then boss, what’s your first tip for me? How can I stand out?”

He let his mind ponder for a bit. “Well, I can’t speak for everyone, but I think a big advantage would be if you knew a thing or two about producing or song writing.” He leaned in closer. “If you tell anyone I told you this, I’ll deny it, but I heard they’re going to have each of you write your own song to perform during the show.”

Your eyes grew wide. ‘Well fuck.’

“That’s pretty good considering I’ve never written a song in my life,” you couldn’t help the sarcasm flowing out.

“Don’t worry too much about it. That’s why we’re here to help. Changbin is amazing and will make sure you get it all figured out… But ya know if you ever do need something extra, you can always come to me too,” he almost blushed.

“Well I appreciate it, Channie,” you smiled back in appreciation. “But if you wanted tooooo, you could start helping me right now!”

“How’s that?”

“Show me that song you’ve been ‘wrapping up’!” you grinned at him daringly.

You watched as his ears turned red. You could tell he was embarassed.

“Haha I don’t know if that’s a good idea,” he grabbed the back of his neck.

“Why not? Pleaseeeee? You said it would help if I knew about producing. Show me a thing or two… boss,” you winked.

“I mean, sure, I can. But not this song. I don’t think it’s very good. I was just finishing the sample for it anyway. I don’t think anything will come of it.” He swiveled his chair around to get back off of the program.

You quickly sprang up and rested your hip along the arm of his chair. You reached your hand out to rest over his wrist, silently telling him to stop moving it around.

“Come onnn, just let me hear it! I promise I will be honest. Let me be the judge. It’s easy to say you don’t like it if you are the one that made it.”

Chan’s cheeks turned pink now. He didn’t dare turn around to face you.

“It’s just that it’s a bit embarrassing,” he laughed, trying to cushion his words.

“Please please please. I promise I won’t make fun. I won’t say anything AT ALL if you don’t want me to. Come on, it would make you the best boss ever!”

He laughed as he shook him head.

“Fine, I’ll play it, I’ll play it,” he gave in.

You let out a tiny excited squeal and gave him a couple of quick claps as you stood from his arm rest. You moved back to your normal spot on the couch and bounced up and down a couple of times out of anticipation.

He stood up and covered his hands with his eyes. “Ahhh,” he said, reaching one hand down to press play. He was so embarrassed for you to heard it that he could barely stand it. He brought his hand back up to hide his face, stupid smile spreading wide underneath. He started to pace to the other side of the room as it started.

“Ugh, calm down!” you yelled to him as the first note of the song played. You patted the leather of the couch next to you, motioning for him to sit. “Come and sit down, I’m sure it will be fine,” you scolded him.

‘He’s so ridiculous.’

He begrudgingly made his way over as the opening notes on the piano made their way out. He plopped down next to you, crossing his arms, and extending his head all the way back in defeat.

It was a beautiful song, you had thought. It had just surprised you that it wasn’t his normal upbeat bass-heavy songs you were used to. It was beautiful, slow, and sweet.

His voice sounded breathtaking as it came out on the track. You smiled hearing it and let yourself relax and sink down into his words.

I don't want to admit it

인정하기 싫어

I still miss you

아직도 그리워

How could I forget

I promised

약속했는데

I don't want to admit it

인정하기 싫어

It's hard to understand

이해하기 힘들어

How could I forget

The day you lied to me

Don't go anywhere, stay by my side

어디 가지 말고 곁에 있어 줘

Even if I told you, it was already too late

말해 봤자 이미 너무 늦었어

You, whom I pictured even in my dreams

꿈에서도 그려왔던 너

Things have changed before I know it

어느새 변해 버렸지 뭐

You never know, I might come back

혹시 몰라 돌아올 수 있다고

What can I say? It was like that last time too.

말해 뭐해 저번에도 그랬어

When I see it, it’s already gone

내가 볼 땐 이미 글렀어

It was you who made it collapse yeah

무너지게 한 건 너였어 yeah

I'll be honest

솔직히 말할게

I want to give up

포기하고픈데

I don't know

I can't give up on you

I'll wait a little longer

좀 더 기다릴게

It's been like this so far, woah

지금까지 그래왔는데 woah

I don't want to admit it

인정하기 싫어

I still miss you

아직도 그리워

How could I forget

I promised

약속했는데

I don't want to admit it

인정하기 싫어

It's hard to understand

이해하기 힘들어

How could I forget

The day you lied to me

I don't want to admit it

인정하기 싫어

I still miss you

아직도 그리워

How could I forget

I promised

약속했는데

I don't want to admit it

인정하기 싫어

It's hard to understand

이해하기 힘들어

How could I forget

The day you lied to me

Da da da

I stayed up all night

밤새며 난

I can't stop thinkin' 'bout you

Da da da

Just stay with me

I don't want to admit it

인정하기 싫어

I still miss you

아직도 그리워

How could I forget

I don't want to admit it

인정하기 싫어

It's hard to understand

이해하기 힘들어

I might as well forget

“Chris… it’s beautiful. That is one of the most beautiful songs I’ve ever heard. You really weren’t sure if you were going to put this out?!”

He finally released his blushing face from his hands. “I mean, I still don’t know if I am… Did you really like it that much?” He was hopeful.

“I loved it,” you said turning to him and looking into his eyes. “It’s different from anything I’ve heard you do before. There’s so much emotion in it… It’s just- it’s just beautiful… I mean I felt like I could cry listening to it honestly.” You reassured him.

“Plus,” you leaned in with a smile, “it was perfectly written. I’m sure you put a lot of time and energy into it. Well you and whoever else worked on it too. That hard work deserves to be rewarded.”

Chris just looked off and smiled, a small chuckle escaping his lips. “I’ll think about it.”

“Did Han help write it? I don’t know him all that well, but I know Changbin enough to know something with that emotional maturity doesn’t sound like him.” You giggled.

“It was just me actually… It was one of those songs that just comes to you. It wasn’t hard to write to be honest. Just hard to feel it as it came out,” Chan admitted, serious tone now. He began to talk lowly, almost at a whisper like he didn’t want you to hear him. “I started and finished it all today actually.”

“There’s no way,” you said in disbelief.

“Yeah, I guess I just needed to get it out. But anyways, that’s enough of that sappy emotional stuff,” he tried to force a laugh. “Let’s talk about something else… Anything else please.”

“Well then I guess now we’re even,” you smiled up at him as he reciprocated.

You went on to ask about Berry- how she was doing since you’d last spoken about her. It led into him talking about Australia and how much he misses home. How he could imagine how much you’re missing home as well.

He told you all about what Australia was like. His favorite things to do, favorite places to go, favorite foods to eat.

He told you about all of his friends and funny stories he could think of about him growing up. Of course, you shared yours too.

He let you in on some of his old embarrassing memories of home- how he’d slipped and fell during his winning goal of an important soccer match and how he accidentally mispronounced the word “organism” as “orgasm” while reading out loud at school.

You absolutely lost yourself laughing when he told you stories of how he used to taunt Hannah growing up, and the punishments his parents would give him after finding out.

He explained to you how beautiful the nature was and how he’d give anything just to be able to walk along the beach for 5 minutes.

You felt your heart almost skip a beat when he said he’d love to take you there sometime.

The two of you kept talking aimlessly for what felt like minutes, when in reality, it had been several hours.

At some point, your eyelids started to feel heavy. You did your best to keep them open and to hear Chan’s voice for as long as possible. You did well for a while, but eventually you couldn’t help yourself anymore. You weren’t sure when it happened, but you had finally given into the exhaustion.

What better way to fall asleep than to the sound of Chan painting such beautiful scenes in his beautiful, loving voice?

This was pure bliss.

———————————————————————

Chan’s POV:

Chris smiled to himself as he realized what you’d done. That he’d actually talked you to sleep. He couldn’t help but feel giddy that he’d get to spend even more time with you this way, even if you weren’t awake for it.

He couldn’t believe how easy it was with you. How he could talk to you for hours without ever feeling bored. How every conversation with you made him feel overcome with emotions- happiness, embarrassment, heartbreak, love.

Just being in that room with you was enough for him. It put him at ease. Enough so that he started feeling the sleepiness come over him as well. It was rare that he actually felt this, like he wasn’t fighting to make himself go to bed. This was the most peace he’s felt in a long time.

In all of his content, he let himself rest his eyes too.

Your head had flexed forward to rest on the back of the couch, just inches from his own. Your hand had come forward as well, resting centimeters from his. He felt his heart swell seeing how dainty, feminine, and soft your hands were compared to his own bony, veiny pair.

‘You are so beautiful,’ he thought.

He reached his hand over just slightly so that it was touching yours. He went slowly so as not to startle you awake. He ran a finger leisurely across the top of your hand, smiling lightly at how soft it was. Once he was content, he allowed his hand to rest over yours, keeping it safe and locked away.

‘Mine now.’

As he inched his head closer to yours and closed his eyes to rest, he let himself get consumed in his thoughts.

‘You really have to tell her, Chan. You wrote a whole song about her and you had the chance then, but you didn’t take it…’

He thought about the reason you ended up here.

‘No, it was a good idea to wait. Not tonight. Not while all of this other shit is going on for her.’ He thought back to the story that you told him. How Jungkook, his own “friend”, was now watching you- no, stalking you. And how HE was the one who had introduced him to you.

He felt his blood begin to boil, thinking of how scared you looked while telling him about all of this. Who the fuck did Jungkook think he was? He’s apparently a stalker, so what else was he hiding?

Chan wouldn’t let himself start to think of what could have happened had Changbin not been there. Things may have been okay… Maybe he would have just tried to hang out with you more… Or maybe not. You were drunk after all. If he had the right words, maybe he could have convinced you to do other things.

It took everything within himself for Chan to blink away the thoughts and the visions and come back with a clear head. He didn’t want to think about that. He wanted to live in this moment. With you.

He slowly opened his eyes to look at your still face. He loved the little quiver on your lip as it was smooshed up against the couch. He couldn’t help but smile at how cute you were. It took everything in him to not lean down and plant a kiss to your cheek.

Instead, he just nuzzled his head back closer to yours until your foreheads were barely touching. In the softest tone he could muster, he began to whisper.

“I won’t let him hurt you. I promise... I’ll protect you now.”

——————————————————————————————————————

✨ Continue to ➡️ Chapter 7

✨ If you enjoyed, please consider liking, commenting, or reblogging <3

[kiddbegins]

Cuteness Aggression - Connor Rhodes

Requested: yes

Word count: 707

Warnings: random facts that are boring included

A/n: these are all facts I genuinely just… knew…

masterlist

Something you always managed to do in your free time was find a way to learn some random information or fun fact that you could spread around to those around you. You’ve randomly educated everyone about the great molasses flood of Boston in 1919, that William Mitchell created pop rocks by accident in the 60s while trying to make instant soft drinks, the fear of long words was hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia (which you could spell easily) and bucket loads more.

Each time it was met with excitement, your friends always adored hearing about them. No matter if it were history, science, english, anything based. If it was a fact coming from you, it was interesting. Sometimes you got the annoyed person that had had a bad day or just didn’t have the capability to soak up information that night but usually you were fine.

First and foremost on your biggest fans list was none other than Connor Rhodes, boyfriend of five years and fiance as of two weeks ago. He loved hearing you talk or ramble. Gave him the perfect excuse to just sit and listen silently. 

He was never much of a talker and usually that meant that his lovers would get annoyed when he was too quiet. But you never minded. Of course you’d make sure he was alright if his vibe was off that night but usually he was just content in listening to you.

Like a couple days ago when you went on a whole spiel about the Missouri and Mississippi Rivers and how the Missouri river was considered the longest river in the country when half of it was actually the Mississippi river because the two merged in St. Louis and the Mississippi is the one that leads down and out of New Orleans. Granted it was only by a mile but that mile still doesn’t make up for the fact it was stealing its length from the Mississippi.

Did he care about which river was technically longer? No. But the way you genuinely got worked up over it made him smile so wide his eyes crinkled. Which in turn made you grin because truly his eye creases were just one of your favorite things about him.

“Connor, wanna hear what someone at work said today?” You happily asked, falling onto the bed and looking over at the man who was already shirtless and under the covers. Of course he nodded, pulling you to lay down properly.

As soon as your head hit the pillow your smile grew, “So, I was talking to Annette right? And she was telling me about her cats and that she has an orange cat and a calico cat, which they’re adorable. I'll show you a picture after,” You interlocked your fingers with his as you spoke.

“Anyway, did you know that most orange cats are boys and most calico cats are girls? Isn’t that cool? Like no matter what-” You were cut off by a long and lingering kiss to the lips, followed by peck upon peck to your cheek, forehead, temple and all the spaces in between.

A giggle built up in your throat as you scrunched your face up, Connor’s nose bumping against yours as he pulled back slightly, “What was all that for? You trying to shut me up?” You teased, knowing full well he’d never try and make you stop talking.

He shook his head, placing a light kiss to the tip of your nose, “No, you’re just really adorable when you get excited over the stuff you learn.” Connor spoke softly, his heart feeling like it grew a million and one times just by looking at you.

Your cheeks tinged dark red, a bashful smile on your face, “I- oh,” You muttered, always flustered when he complimented you. Whether it was on your appearance or something smaller like this it made butterflies fly all throughout your stomach.

“God I can’t wait to marry you.” He mumbled, pulling you forward for another kiss, this one more sensible since he wasn’t overcome by cuteness aggression. His hand slid to the side of your face, simply holding you there.

You brought a hand up to cover his, pulling back just enough to speak, “Neither can I.”

JOIN CONNORS TAGLIST HERE!

Tags: @winchesterszvonecek @everything-fandom @thebejeweledwatercat @mrspeacem1nusone @wnbweasley @alexxavicry @halsteadbrasil, @natashamea18 @katieemazz @firetruckstuckley

[yelenasdiary]

Read this or don't, that's completely fine. I was going to explain everything in a reply to an ask that I was sent but an anon that has nothing to do with this, they are lovely! I just think a post on its own is more appropriate.

Below the cut I warn you that topics like, Sexual Assault, Physical & Mental abuse are spoken about. Please do not bother to read this if you're not comfortable. I literally do not expect anybody to read this, I am simply posting this because of how I am feeling towards the asks I received before I went to bed last night.

I just want to say that I've been open about certain things in my life on here and that is simply because I want my blog to welcome everybody (within reason). I want those who unfortunately have been through similar stuff to feel seen, heard and know you are loved! I want those who feel alone to know that you're never alone, I am here for you, my blog is here for you.

This isn't the first time I have received asks about my sexual experiences. A month or two ago I received a spam of asks that I never answered because of how disturbing and outright disgusting they were. Now, after last night, I feel that I need post this. I am not asking for anything in return, I just want to make that clear. All I want is for people to understand the hurt I am currently feeling.

I've always been open on here about the fact that I am a virgin. It's nothing that I feel ashamed about, I don't think there is anything wrong with it. I know there are plenty of people like myself who are also virgins. I wish there were more people who are open about being a virgin, if people can be so open about the fact they aren't a virgin, why can't we be open about the fact we are?

So when this anon asked if I was a virgin, I was honest and said yes. My mind was already racing with "oh god, what's next?" and I was just hoping whoever they are was jus being curious. But instead, I feel like they've made me ashamed of the fact I am a virgin, 25 and write smut.

TW; SA, Physical & Mental Abuse Mentioned -

A few of you would already know that unfortunately yes, I am a victim of sexual assault. I was a child and it was something that happened daily for a couple of years. Due to this, I have trauma, PTSD, depression and anxiety. I grew up with little knowledge on the basics of sex because of how triggering it was for me. I couldn't sit in on sexual education classes, I couldn't joke around about penis's with my friends let along look at one. For so long, I genuinely believed what happened to me was normal. I was 12 when I realised it wasn't.

It took me years to even be okay with the topic of sex, to see it in movies or even think of it. My sexuality wasn't something I always questioned, I had a big crush on Bieber during my teen years and there were a few other male celebrities that I found rather attractive, it wasn't until I was 17 that I saw women in a different way and tbh, the feeling I got from thinking about myself in a relationship with a woman was a lot more comforting then it was to thinking of myself with a male.

Did my abuse make me bisexual? Maybe. I don't know. I don't really care. I like women a lot more than I like men, I feel more comfortable talking to women than I do men.

Did my abuse stop me from having 'normal' teenage experiences? Yes. I have never physically been with anybody, I have never kissed anybody nor have I ever been on a date. Is that sad? maybe to some, to me? No.

I have little to no trust in males. Given that my abuser also physically abused me for such little things and mentally, I don't know what it feels like to not have the thoughts I do about myself. This person has ruined so much of my life and has had control over what I do because of the trauma they caused me.

But all that aside for a moment, I am still a human. I am a woman who still feels things. I am learning every day of new things. I have done plenty of research for the things I felt I missed out on in school. I have a best friend who is so fucking patient and understanding with me that he will explain things to me if needed.

Writing & reading smut over the last year has been really good for me. I don't mean that in a weird way, I mean that in a way it has helped me explore things I didn't know were a thing, it has helped me grow more comfortable with sex and that sex is a normal thing. Don't worry, I know what is written in smut is purely fiction, I know what happens in porn isn't real. I am not stupid.

But I can't sit here and say that smut has been really helpful. Some of you might not understand that and that's okay. But I have come a long way with being comfortable and finally feeling like I can be open about things I enjoy.

Back to this anon.

Yes, I am 25 and never had sex. I have never voluntarily sucked a guy off. i have never voluntarily slept with a male, touched a male or seen a males body. Why any of that is important to you makes no sense to me. You have brought back things that I wish to not think about. You have made me feel triggered and as though I shouldn't be writing such topics because of my lack of experience. You had no consideration whats so ever and I believe found it rather funny.

I am feeling so many feelings and having thoughts that I wish to express but I know you'll most likely see it has a sob story and make matters worse. What I do hope though is that if you have read this that you understand that your words and actions hurt. I am not weak for telling you this, I am not weak for not having any sexual experience, I am not weak for asking you to understand that your thoughtless actions were not called for.

I do not need to have sex to know what I am doing. I do not need to have sex with a cis male to know how to write about dicks. I do not need you to make me feel ashamed of this either.

This is already such a long post and I don't even expect anybody to still be reading this but if you are, please, please remember to always be kind! spread love, support and happiness. You honest have no idea what your words and actions can do to somebody. Be aware and be considerate, you would never want your closest friends to feel that way I am currently feeling.

I am sending love to everybody, if you ever need a friend to talk too my DMS//asks are always open. I will listen and be whoever it is you need 💜

[chikkou]

ok i was waiting until my laptop got here to finally tell all the bullshit thats happened in the last like. 5 months lol. cause its a lot to type

im gonna put it all under the cut so no one has to read if they dont want. its a LONG fucking story.

tl;dr:

ok so for basic background, for the last two years or so, i was living with a roommate in connecticut. the roommate was my (now former) best friend since middle school. in july of this year his behavior totally shifted, and he started picking fights with me out of nowhere, told our high school friends a bunch of straight up lies abt me to make me look like a horrible roommate & person, and just generally became a two-faced dickhead. in the end, it turned out to all be excuses to justify his decision to move out (unofficially, name was still on the lease) so that he could live with his boyfriends and not pay any bills. at the time i was really devastated by this bc i felt totally betrayed by this person i had been close to since i was 12/13, but frankly after everything else that happened i barely fucking think about it now LMAO. this is set dressing more than anything else

so anyway, i had been living alone since about august, that was the last time i saw him in person. i wasnt handling the situation well because i had spoken to my high school friend and found out the extent to which hed tried to paint me as a slovenly, horrible roommate, to the point of telling actual lies about really dumb stuff (which didnt work btw - my friends, god bless them, were more concerned about my mental health than anything and thought i was going down a depression spiral, which my former friend told them he was helping me through. they believed me right away once we finally did talk). all that is to say, i was going kind of crazy lol, and i decided to go back home in october just for a short while, to recharge my batteries and all.

i was gone for a couple of weeks, not very long. i felt MUCH better after being with my family & friends in person, as i felt pretty isolated from everyone (my hometown is in new york, i was only 2 hours away by train but scheduling times to visit was sort of a hassle, so i only did it once every couple months). my grandfather and mom dropped me off at my apartment in early november, we were very lighthearted and discussing my next steps, since my shithead friend had been behind on rent more than 5 times (i always paid my half on time) and i was facing eviction because of it. we get to my apartment, i go to open the door, and it wont open. not that its locked, it just straight up WONT open. my grandpa tried to ram the door with his shoulder, and nothing. hes a strong ass dude, and this door wouldnt budge for anything.

my mom managed to get the kitchen window open and climb in that way, and it took both her and my grandpa pulling/pushing at the same time to force the door open. i wont even dress this up: there was mold. fucking. everywhere. on the floor, on the walls, all over everything i owned. i have pictures (had to take them for insurance) and im not even going to show them because they are beyond fucking disgusting. everything i owned was soaked in water and mold, and i do literally mean EVERYTHING. it was very warm in there too, like the temperature of a swamp. i was in a haze after that. i just remember sobbing, like genuinely heartbroken sobbing, as i wandered around looking at everything that was ruined. my mom & grandpa had to go and get maintenance because i was just utterly useless, and they were equally horrified & said they'd never seen anything like it.

i managed to save some items that were irreplaceable (journals, notebooks, etc) and whatever clothes werent utterly soaked in mold. all of my cookware, my books, my laptop & desktop (i cried the hardest when i saw the desktop) - it was all ruined. we found out later that the water boiler in my apartment had a catastrophic failure while i was gone, which caused it to constantly send water back through the pipes, empty, and refill itself. my bedroom was directly above the boiler downstairs, so it got the most significant amount of damage. all told, i lost like 95% of the things i owned. it is possible that i could have saved more, but the amount of mold in that apartment made it a genuine safety hazard for me to even be in there, so i had very limited time to grab what i could. the cruelest irony of all that? my shithead ex-friend's room, which was on the other side of the hallway, was pretty much untouched. he lost absolutely nothing lol.

so immediately, i had to leave the state. i moved back to ny with my family. my mother - who had a stroke last year following a diagnosis of an exceedingly rare neurological disorder, AND had two separate brain surgeries to improve her quality of life - was in the process of getting evicted. the landlord didnt give a fuck about any of my moms situation, not her being disabled, not her being widowed, not her having 3 kids under the age of 18 to care for - he just wanted her out so he could increase the cost of rent on our house. at the same time as all this was going on, i got saddled with a $600 electric bill (likely caused by the water heater's malfunction), which neither insurance nor the apartment would pay, so it came out of my pocket. in addition, i found out in december that i was also getting laid off.

we had nowhere to go and couldnt afford to live anywhere in the tri-state area. we had no choice but to move somewhere much cheaper, and since my mom already had a friend living in a mid-atlantic state, we chose to move there. the eviction went through in january and we had less than 2 weeks to pack all our shit, find a place to live, and get the fuck out. needless to say, we were not successful lol.

we stayed in my grandparents 1 bedroom apartment for about a week, then all of us drove down together to stay with my moms friend in her 3 bedroom apartment (she has 5 kids, 3 of whom live in the apartment). my moms apartment, which was supposed to have been ready by january 31st, still had people actively living there. the property manager kept promising us it would be next week for the entire month of february, to the point that my mom got fed up and chose to rent a small house instead. the reality of being essentially homeless for that time was beyond horrifying, and having anywhere between 8-10 people in that house (my cousin also moved with us, but he stayed in a hotel for the first week) was more taxing than i can express.

but things have gotten a lot better since then. i also found a cute little house to rent just up the road from my moms, and its very cheap for its size. i still havent found a job yet, but thanks to what was essentially the liquidation of everything i owned, ill be ok for a couple months more. im slowly but surely repurchasing all the things i lost and trying to acclimate to the new environment. things are still not totally stable right now, but they are slowing down, and at this point thats all i can really ask for lol.

so yeah. if u were wondering why i suddenly stopped posting after literal years of posting every day, thats why LMAO

[bugslaststraw]

I was struck with a powerful vision a few days ago and I *want* to put this in fic form but I wouldn't know where to start finding those spoons so just hear me out okay: what if we straight removed Humanz. No hear me out I don't mean remove the stuff that happened in Humanz, I like what happens in Humanz, I just mean like. I know this couldn't ever have been canon, as the writers are making the story as they go, and I don't blame A&H & co. for the wonk, but the Humanz period of time existing makes the character progression/arcs feel iffy in some areas, and fucks with the pacing, so I still like to entertain this idea, what if Humanz was sort of... integrated elsewhere. This should've been a 15k word fic and I am so so mad that it can't be but here goes

Humanz happens during and after Now Now. Sandwich the two together and you get one longer period of time.

The hiatus is probably also longer, so it takes more time for the band to find their ways back to London.

This is crucial: Murdoc goes directly from Plastic Beach to exiled at sea to eventually jailed, and stays jailed until freemurdoc happens. When he's found floating around in a leaky submarine and taken in for whatever list of petty crimes they've managed to pin him for, he's drunk out of his mind rambling on about how nothing matters, the world's already ended and he's stranded in hell; that is, until someone informs him "if this is about your bandmates, they're fine. They recently went on air saying they're going to start playing again" and he goes "oh........wait without me?" Cue jail time.

I always preferred the idea that Noodle or Russel brought in Ace, mostly because imagine how pissed Murdoc would be about that. Being replaced is like his kryptonite (to be fair he has a lot of kryptonites) and I just find the mental image of him ranting to his cell partner about how they got another green guy so they CLEARLY miss him funny

Things seem to be going well for the New (Now) Gorillaz. They're playing again, a sudden flood of creativity leading them on. They're basically making two albums at once; Humanz, which had a political concept and a vision that was there from the start, and the Now Now, which started out as a sort of b-side that grew to develop its own personality as 2-D especially became enamoured with it. They dithered about which album to put Strobelite in.

Cont. under cut cus long ass post:

The Strobelite music video does happen, minus Murdoc side plot of course. Not sure about Saturn Barz. No I don't care about the stupid meme.

However, Russel and Noodle can't find peace. Originally they think they're alone in that feeling, until they come together to talk about it one night and realize that they both feel on edge and uncomfortable. They can't really figure out why; not being equipped with quite enough emotional intelligence to realize that failed suicide attempts, getting dragged to Hell, almost dying at sea twice, spending years in self imposed exile chasing demons or being stuck in a glass tube for five years might leave you with some mental scarring. Rather than feel warm and welcome, the bright sunlight on LA beach gives them both headaches, and although they try to hide it, and do so very well, they find themselves never quite being able to enjoy their newfound peace.

2-D on the other hand genuinely feels on top of the world. As with regular Now Now he has time to regain his ego during this period, "reset himself and get back on track" after Plastic Beach, as he puts it. He's free now, properly, and revels in it, getting to learn and re-learn new skills, and he writes a lot during this period, proper creativity finally coming back to him.

That's not to say that Murdoc is forgotten; anything but, in fact, Murdoc has gravity, and the rest of the band (and 2-D especially) still subconsciously orbit around his absence. Big difference is; 2-D is aware of it. He knows he can't get rid of Murdoc and he knows, with a light-hearted, almost smug sort of resignation, that he's probably not going to stop forgiving him either. Maybe I'm some kind of a masochist, he thinks to himself. Oh well.

So he takes to taunting Murdoc every chance he gets, like with Humility, for example. Strutting around his absolute freedom from outside the prison walls, asking how does it feel, huh? and almost daring Murdoc to come get at him again, knowing that he can't ("calling the hunter with the rifle; if you're coming back to find me you'd better have good aim.")

This is all obviously sort of subtextual, but it's the vibe I get from Now Now anyway: Memory famously gains rose tinted glasses, so 2-D finds himself thinking back on Plastic Beach more fondly than he knows it should be remembered, almost feeling sorry for his ex-captor. Although he knows that's probably not a healthy mindset to have, it makes him feel really good for some reason, so he indulges in that too, occasionally fantasizing about the day Murdoc's let out of jail and comes back to them, because saying "I forgive you" after all this would be such a power move, wouldn't it? He can hardly wait, yet in a way loves the wait as well, trying to savour the last few moments (years) just before catharsis.

Obviously this all drives Murdoc absolutely up the walls, and his fellow inmates have a fond memory of that one time he threw a fit in the cafeteria about it (eg: that's MY thing he's fucking STEALING MY SIGNATURE MOVES don't be fooled by his stupid innocence-play and pretty face ok this smug piece of SHIT is TAUNTING ME LET ME OUT I NEED TO KILL HIM)

When not raging, he's usually begging Noodle to let him help them make music over the phone. He sends her blocks of lyric/hastily scribbled notes when he can, and wrote most of She's My Collar, which the others picked up, found a guest for, added to, and in 2-D's case practiced obsessively for (implied to be because he knew killing the performance of such a mature song (with his very wholesome, innocent public image, no less) would, again, drive Murdoc nuts.)

Mudz also still tries to pull the whole "I was framed by a demon thing" lie, which none of them believe, for obvious reasons.

Noodle is vaguely aware of 2-D's agenda and angrily side-eyes him every time he comes up with a lyric she finds suspicious, which is more often that he actually means anything by it (eg; the mirrored world lines in Saturn Barz and the like.) She's slowly developing a persistent urge to shake her friend/adoptive brother by the shoulders and shout "STOP GIVING HIM ATTENTION HE FEEDS ON IT LIKE A LEECH. YOU DESERVE BETTER THAN THIS" until he stops.

Noodle and Russel are also still wondering if the guy's possessed by something, and the idea that it might be El Mierda feels logical to them considering his mood.

Ace, not being very close to the rest of the band, picks up on almost none of this; assumes Noodle and Russel are doing fine and that 2-D genuinely hates Murdoc rather than whatever the hell is actually going on. He is never let in on the possession thing and bugs Russel about tripping 2-D up in Humility. He's there to be a little shit and enjoy the good vibes, he says, and that's what he'll do, but there's no need to fight now, is there?

Everything is, apart from that, going just fine. And then Murdoc, at least to the knowledge of the world in general, drowns in a sewer. Which obviously is bound to become a bit of a problem.

More accurately; it grinds everything to a halt. At this point Noodle is already out of England, looking for El Mierda, and finds out when her plane lands and she can call her band. She tries to get ahold of 2-D first, but he doesn't pick up, so she calls Russel, hoping he can help her. They talk a lot that night, over the phone, her sitting bent over the table in an empty cafeteria at the airport.

Russ has known for a day or so at that point, while she's just found out. He tries to explain things to her and sort of distance himself from the conflict as a whole while she's fuming, absolutely livid, because how dare he, how dare Murdoc send her into the mountains on a dangerous mission and then just die in the most ridiculous way possible on top of that? He tells her 2-D's gone very, very quiet since he found out.

They come to the same agreement eventually. "He was such a shithead. Literally not worth being stepped on like a bug and I hate him. And I'm gonna miss him. How fucked up isn't that?"

To Russ and Noodle's knowledge, no more music is really produced at that point.

There's one (to Russel very memorable) instance where Ace makes a misplaced attempt to lighten the mood ("yeah, but, c'mon, the old man was pretty awful, no need to get all teary over someone like that, c'moon let's just get back to what we were doi-") and 2-D breaks his nose over it.

Aside from that, that handful of weeks is slow, silent, and confusing.

On the plane from England to Patagonia, Murdoc listens to Souk Eye exactly once and has since avidly refused to ever do it again and won't explain why.

Cue the ending of freemurdoc, Noodle kicking snow for half an hour to stop herself snapping her awful adoptive father's spine like a toothpick, "you're like a family to me!! You're the daughter, Russel's the son, an' 2-D is uuuhh. The uh. The. House cat," etc etc

When they make the trip back home, a week or so later, the world already knows that Murdoc isn't dead, and so does the rest of the band. Ace dips, stating that he "would rather not be around when ol' Muddy shows back up if you catch my drift."

2-D, who's romantic idea of a triumphant reunion is shattered, is conflicted and nervous up until the point Murdoc shows back up, ("heyyy gang, sorry we're late; I almost drowned in a sewer and the trip back was awful, they didn't even have drinks on the plane, also sorry about lying, hope you don't mind, also here's a yak") when he goes from blank staring to a fit of laughter that makes everybody involved worry for his sanity to "I THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD YOU PIECE OF SHIT HOW DARE YOU BE SORRY NOW" to the four of them eating takeaway noodles on the floor of their studio in dead silence as Murdoc tries to avoid eye contact and 2-D stares at him as if he's imagining eating him

Humanz is finalized, and Murdoc happily partakes in some of the interviews and promo for the album. Seemingly, everything is normal again. But upon any kind of closer inspection he comes off as almost nervous, jittery, raw and easily upset. Something has changed, and he hasn't caught up yet. There's a tension still among the group.

When Humanz is finally released, they all swear to each other they have no idea where Busted and Blue even came from. Well, three out of four swear, and the fourth just sort of gives them a weird look and mutters something vaguely denying.

And then it transitions directly into Song Machine, which directly deals with the set-up we already have! The power dynamics in the group have changed, everyone is confused on how things work now, Noodle is annoyed with 2-D and how easily he's forgiven Plastic Beach, Russel is resigned about the same, and Murdoc himself tries to claw his way back to the top but can't, as 2-D has finally slipped through his hands to join the others well out of his direct control. And we all know what happens in Song Machine, so I hardly need to recount that

Ok done now :)

[wander-over-the-words]

for that ask game: 🏳️‍🌈 for nick valentine and benny :3

send me a 🏳️‍🌈 and a character name and ill share my gender/sexuality headcanon for them Nick:

Nick is asexual!! He has zero interest in that area. Does not want any. Incorrect buzzer noise. It was one of his (MANY) concerns when it came to getting with Nate, but fortunately for him Nate is ace too so he just "Nick you have no idea how okay that is like seriously"

He himself does not know what he Likes romantically. He's always liked ladies, but y'know. Nate's a man. He's the first man Nick's looked twice at. So Nick doesn't know if Nate has Awakened Something in him or if Nate is just an Exception for some reason. Doesn't rly matter to him either way, and he doesn't rly care to think on it cause he's with Nate for the long run so. who cares y'know c:

Nick identified as a man at first cause the Old Nick did. I imagine one of the first things he did when trying to separate his identity from the Old Nick's was taking a moment to think on it, but he was content to still identify as a man, so. nothing new there. He was built without gender in mind like any other pre-Gen 3 synth so. he's genderless but identifies as a man. He's a man. A metal man.

Benny:

SOMEBODY CALL UP THE FOUR SEASONS CAUSE THIS IS A BI BI BABY. Tragedy: game where you can canonically be bi can't see when it has a Massive Bisexual as one of its main characters smh. He has a preference for ladies, but he is a BI MAN. I've said it before, I'll say it again: the reason the male courier can't fuck him is that he didn't feel like having gay sex that day. Had gay sex yesterday. Ask him tomorrow, see how he feels.

Benny is the most Cisgendered Man I have ever seen. I 10000000% respect anybody who sees him as trans or nb, but personally. He Is the Most Cisgendered Man I Have Ever Seen. To the point that I've always headcanoned him as. hilariously ignorant to stuff like gender.

Not prejudiced in the slightest and like. he knows who/what trans people are. he's met and slept with trans people. He just doesn't know the Ins and Outs of it. Like he's asked Ethan how come he has a moustache and where his charlies went. Has a "you can do that???" response. stuff just blows his mind in a good way. his baby's a badass cause he got his charlies cut off by a Mr. Handy INTENTIONALLY. he PAID for it. he stabs himself with a NEEDLE on a REGULAR BASIS just so he can have a MOUSTACHE AND DEEPER VOICE AND STUFF. you WISH your baby was that badass.

He's accidentally said insensitive things, like asking Ethan what his "girl name" was or wording it "used to be a broad" (I know some trans people are cool with that but Ethan is not). but to his credit he genuinely doesn't mean any harm. he's an asshole but not that much of an asshole. just uneducated (and a little stupid). He's learning. he doesn't understand what dysphoria is but he'd physically fight someone for causing Ethan to have a dysphoric episode. someone says Ethan "throws like a girl" and Benny's sitting there like >:O!!! even tho Ethan doesn't find that offensive in the slightest (hell, he'll agree with it). Ethan shows him a childhood pic and Benny just "baby that's not you?? that's a girl." and Ethan just Stares until Benny has his "oh. right." moment. any involvement Benny has with the topic of trans makes Ethan look at the camera like "he's a little confused but he's got the spirit."

He'll shoot ya in the head but Goddamn will he respect your pronouns and gender identity.

(for added hilarity: Benny's the only Chairman who's Like That.

Swank vc: get woke Benny.)

[fantrollology]

Walking it Back: PT 1

Characters: Fledge, Alaska

Word Count: 2,103

uhhh i started this over a year ago! i sit on things for a while. id like to get better at writing stuff more consistently but idk im happy w how it came out! hopefully u will not have to wait as long for part 2.

if u read it ummm ty! <3

---

“Hm.” The girl's eyes studied an unremarkable intersection on the floor of the exam room, avoiding the gaze of the doctor standing a few feet from her, who pressed the door closed behind himself following his greeting. Her fingers played with the paper pulled over the examination table.

“Something the matter?” While his tone seemed as genuine as she could gauge, the question made her regret acknowledging the misnomer at all. He set a bag down on the counter across from her and brought out his clipboard from under his arm.

She shook her head.

“Please, it’s alright. What’s up?”

“Uhm,” she paused. Her feet pressed at each other gently over the side of the table. “No one calls me that anymore.”

“Oh, well what do people call you now?” he flipped to the front page of his clipboard and leaned gently against the counter, facing her.

“Uh, Fledge.”

He smirked. “That stuck, huh?”

She shrugged. The little hexagon where the tiles met remained interesting.

He shook his head at his clipboard.

“General Drakon is so cavalier about that sort of thing. I wouldn’t be surprised if everyone thought that was your actual name if he was the one to introduce you. Still though, surviving this long?” He let out a little laugh. “That’s a lifelong nickname now, I’m sure.” 

He looked at her as if he were going to wait for acknowledgement, but then continued. 

“I’m not much of the nickname sort myself but, hey, I think I’m willing to make an exception for you.” He scratched something onto the clipboard.

“Okay.”

He tucked the clipboard back under his side and lopped himself down on the office stool. Its momentum gently wheeled him into the range of Fledge’s downturned line of sight.

“Do you remember me?” he asked.

She let him slide his way into her vision and then quickly found another spot on the floor to look at. She shook her head.

“That’s fine.” He waved a hand. “I’m Dr. Alcess Alaska. I conducted your entry psionic evaluation a few sweeps ago. Couldn’t have been more than an hour or two.”

Fledge nodded.

“I’m here with you today to talk about a project proposal.”

Fledge nodded.

“So, you’re aware how even though you’re stationed here, you’re actually a member of the Imperial Psionic Corps, yes?”

Fledge nodded.

“I’m aware you’ve had some training, but do you know much about what they do?”

“A little.”

“What do you know?” he asked, in an attempt to coax a more-than-two-word response from her.

“They’re…” it felt exhausting for Fledge to even think of saying a full sentence. She breathed out. “They’re all psionics, and they do stuff for the fleet.”

“That’s the jist of it, yes.” 

“But,” he raised a finger, “They’re all very specialized psionics, not helmsmen or telekinetics or simple mind-readers. They receive individual training for their abilities.”

She knew that, of course. It was the whole reason she was a part of it. Still, she nodded.

“There’s a standard timeline for progression through the IPC’s induction, but after doing your entry evaluation I found that there’s a lot of potential with your abilities that I think deserve more unique attention.”

He started to say something else, but then cut himself off. He studied her floorlocked gaze, how her fingers crushed the paper between them.

“Fledge, do you know much about psionics? Your psionics? How they work, I mean.”

Fledge shook her head.

He drummed his fingers on the clipboard for a moment before scooting across the room to grab his bag from the counter. He opened it on his lap and set a couple things on the counter as he rooted through it, then wheeled back over to Fledge. He then reached back in and pulled out a colorful plastic brain and a small container containing a few plastic lobes. He removed the lid from the container and set it on the examination table next to Fledge, then set the bag on the floor and lifted the brain from his lap.

“Alright, so, stop me if I say anything you already know. Okay?” He waited for her acknowledgement this time, a barely perceptible nod, and then removed a blue lobe from the back of the brain, that Fledge could now see was held on with a magnet.

“This is the cucular lobe. All trolls have one, but in psionics, it’s a little larger. The shape and the other lobes it has contact with can affect the sort of abilities a psionic has and how they might control them.” Fledge watched keenly as he set the small, normal lobe on the table, and picked up a larger piece of the same color from beside her. “This one is more like yours.” The strong magnet clicked the lobe into place at the rear of the brain.

“See how it curls up past this,” his finger dragged along the brain, along marigold yellow and crimson red plastic; “the occipital lobe, and over to this one? The parietal? This is why your abilities are affected by touch, why you can ‘feel’ electromagnetic energy the way you do.” He offered her the brain. She let him pass it to her and immediately began picking off the other lobes and letting them snap back into place.

“You have what we call a material-responsive M-Type ability,” he continued, watching her play idly. “You can manipulate, but your abilities are moreso characterized by their sensitivity, your extrasensory perception, rather than their ability to make drastic physical changes. More typical of ceruleans, but yours have a certain versatility, and there’s a lot of potential I believe could be accessed through some implants and, of course, appropriate training.”

He took another piece from the container, a long, thin, curved, grey piece. He held it up.

“This is a type of foci. There’s several different kinds; you may have seen other IPC members with the foci behind their ears; those are the most common. This one is an implant and mostly invisible once installed. They allow for the observation of lobe activity, enable additional cerebral pathways, and can be used to enhance psionic ability in a number of ways.” 

He gestured for the brain. She held it out to him and he snapped on the piece, which curled from the front left of the organ back and over the cucular lobe. He withdrew his hands.

“I believe that, by using enhancements to magnify your psychic perception of electromagnetic energy, you can better control the ability. Instead of blowing up televisions and feeling static, you could…. turn the lights on and off, you could…”

---

A shot fired through the skull of the troll in front of her, spattering green viscera across the dry ground at Fledge’s feet.

She hadn’t been paying attention when the olive stepped forward and raised her weapon. Some fleet officer had been talking to whoever these trolls were about whatever they were doing-- a mutiny, maybe? -- whatever. It wasn’t Fledge’s turn. Fledge knew what the signal was, she knew how aggressive these trolls were allowed to get, and she knew what she was meant to do when either of those conditions were met. She just hadn’t done it without her gloves before. The thought had distracted her. Her hands dropped from rubbing at the nodes embedded in her wrist as the body thwapped to the ground. She didn’t need to look to know the sniper's barrel was already shoved down into the dirt, the more experienced soldier berating them— Stop, that’s what she’s for.

C’mon fledgling. Pay attention. Be here.

One pulse. Forward, 170 degree arc. This will dispel incoming psionics and ballistics, but will dissipate after about three metres.

A strong enough magnetic field through the brain is enough to disrupt regular synapse operation and cause seizures. One at the door, two on the balcony. Close the circuit, an invisible spherical tie around their head, and then release. Her fingers twitched about in front of her. It was a shot of air through her nerves, crawling down behind her eyes and across her body like a cool drink of water. Her eyes hunted around for another to show themselves. When none did, her fingers ground into her palms, deaf to her surroundings until a hand met her shoulder.

“That was good. Quicker on the pickup next time, maybe,” the officer quipped while she examined the damage, then started walking, letting her hand slip from Fledge’s shoulder. “Let’s see if whoever is inside is more reasonable,” she hummed.

Fledge followed as the others behind her dealt the finishing blow to the incapacitated troll near the door, another that fell from the balcony. Her mind began to warm again. She lifted the edge of her jacket, touching the bit of green flecked onto the edges. Would that wash out?

---

Alaska waved a hand as if to catch an answer from the air “...move ferromagnetic material. Just… apply magnetic fields and induce current more deliberately, precisely.”

She turned the brain gently in her hands, her thumb ran over the implant. A piece of metal in her head?

“We wouldn’t start with the foci, since your brain is still developing, but it would definitely be a part of this at some point. For now, I think it’d be best to do more research first. Like, where and how exactly do you feel electromagnetic energy?”

He raised a hand as her mouth opened. Ah, one of those not-question questions.

“I’m sure it’s hard to explain,” he continued, “but we can observe it. Before we can enhance, we would get you some peripherals, external gear to gauge what we can.” He gestured over his arms, his clipboard now set beside her on the table. “That will allow us to finely examine the activity of your culural lobe and its relationship to your movements and nerves. I theorize that down the line it might end up being beneficial to install internal receivers in other places too, since your perception is very likely beyond what’s processed by your CL, but that can wait.”

“I have some reading for you here…” he bent down from the stool and pulled out a packet from the side of the bag. She set the brain in her lap to take it from him. “One of the documents goes over the details of this specific project, but I also included some information on focii and some articles on other MRM psionics.”

“And this—” he reached over and tapped the corner of the packet, where a small, stiff card was paper-clipped to the front. “—is my contact information, so you can message me for any follow-up questions you might have.” He smiled and his hands returned to his lap.

“Of course, if you have any questions for me now I’d be more than happy to answer them.”

She nodded slowly as she thumbed through the pages. Diagrams of brains, titles containing words she knew, others she didn’t. She had questions, she was sure, but she didn’t know what they were or how to ask them.

“None right now?”

She shook her head, not looking up from the packet in her hands.

“Alright, well if anything comes to mind, you reach out, okay? Then, when I’m back next perigee, we can go over everything again, and make a decision.”

“I’ll do it.” It seemed so obvious to her. This was why she was here. Whatever doubt she had could be addressed later.

“I like the enthusiasm,” he chuckled, “but I won’t have time to start until next perigee anyways. I’ll be ready then if you’re still on board, okay?”

“Okay.”

“You can keep the brain, if you want. I have another.” She didn’t know if she wanted it or not, but he decided for her as he lifted his bag from the floor and wheeled his chair over to the counter to put the rest of his things away.

She followed suit with her new belongings and clicked the lid back onto the container of spare lobes. The clear box fit nicely into her jacket pocket, and she tucked the packet under her arm as Alaska had done with his clipboard. The brain stayed in her hands.

She hopped off of the examination table. Her thumb ran over the implant that curled around the organ. A fleeting thought, or maybe one of those questions she didn’t know how to verbalize, tried to etch its way to the surface, to piece itself together in her mouth, but got cut off by the doctor’s voice as he opened the door for her.

“It was good seeing you again, Fledge.”

[clevercorvidae]

Hazbin Hotel 1st Season Review

Ok so I've been sitting on this ask I got back when the series started airing for some time now.

And I was struggling with how to answer it because as much as I personally love the show and had a lot of fun with it I understand that it isn't really for everyone.

But now that the series' first season has concluded I feel like it'd just be easier to give a review of all the negatives and positives that I saw in the series for anyone who is wondering if its worth getting into. I'd like to give a fair and honest overview of all the show's quirks as there is a lot of misinformation, bad faith criticism, and blind praise of this show going around. It can be overwhelming with so many strong opinions and I'd like to give people a more balanced and down to earth look at the show for what it is.

I'll start with spoiler free stuff and put all spoilery stuff below a cut in a reblog. Be warned, this is still gonna be very much based on my own opinions and very long, I just hope its less...intense than most reviews.

Overview

For anyone who doesn't know, Hazbin Hotel is a new animated series on Amazon Prime Video created by Vivienne Medrano and A24 Studios. It's basic premise is that every year, sinners in Hell are killed by angels from Heaven in order to keep the population low. This devastates our main character, Charlie Morningstar, the daughter of Lilith and Lucifer and Princess of Hell.

So she decides to start a rehabilitation center called the Hazbin Hotel in hopes to allow sinners to redeem themselves, keeping the population in Hell low whilst allowing people to continue existing, and hopefully putting an end to the exterminations for good and saving her people. She does this with the help of her girlfriend Vaggie, a famous pornstar named Angel Dust who agrees to be her first guest, a very shady demon named Alastor, and more.

The show's pilot episode was first released on youtube in 2019 and has a sister-show called Helluva Boss that takes place in the same universe and began airing episodes on youtube while Hazbin was being shopped around to be picked up by a bigger studio.

I personally do not recommend this show at all to anyone under 18 due to its subject matter and depictions. However, the show is listed as 16+ for all but one episode which is 18+. Make of this what you will.

Now, onto the discussion.

Positive 1: Design

So a lot of people look at this show and are put off by its character designs and general look. But frankly I think it's very well designed and cohesive for what it is. Its designs are complex and gaudy but they're earnest in their presentation. It very much draws from Vivziepop's roots as a youtube animator who got big in the 2010's

All the designs are very out there and edgy and almost sparkle-dog-esque. And I think it's commitment to that style in favor of something that would draw in wider appeal makes the series feel more artistically genuine. Just look at Angel Dust and Alastor's designs for example. They ooze 2010's deviantart and I find it very charming.

I also enjoy the balance and uniqueness of many of the designs, they're so fun to look at. And their level of detail makes them super fun to pick apart. The range of body types could definitely be improved (an unfortunate remnant of that 2010s style I was just praising) but there is still plenty of diversity in silhouette to differentiate the characters at a distance.

I also often see the criticism that there is far too much red used in the designs and frankly this criticism is so unfair. Within the context of the show its pretty obvious that red is just part of the design motif of hell.

I can see the issue ringing true in the pilot that the characters bleed into the backgrounds often because of this design choice but in the official show the background style is a lot more distinct from the characters and they don't really have this issue at all.

Here's a screengrab from the pilot that I find to be a particularly bad offender vs a screengrab from the official show including acvery red character on a very red background that I think highlights the difference a bit.

There's nothing wrong with a show having a very cohesive visual motif to tie all of its characters to one location. The heavenly characters in the show have their own color motif of bright pastels for instance. I think the designs are a highlight of this show and people should stop being so harsh and unfair in their assessment of them. They're so fun! Enjoy them!

Negative 1: Pacing

You've probably heard people mentioning this one and unfortunately I 100% agree with this criticism. The show is INCREDIBLY fast paced and it seriously impacts character development.

Now, I don't think the way people criticize this aspect of the show is very fair. Most people push the blame for it onto the creators and writers when in all actuality they're just doing the best they can with what they were given. 8 episodes is a very short runtime for a show of a this scale.

A story with this much worldbuilding, this many plot threads, and this number of important characters could NEVER be told properly in this amount of time. Even if they'd properly paced it it would've ended up awkwardly truncated with an unsatisfying finale. Frankly I think the writers did a very good job stretching what they had, but unfortunately the issues are still very present and impact the viewing experience.

This show desperately needed filler. They NEEDED low stakes plots and episodes. As is the story is very complete and I'm glad the short runtime didn't create any agregious plot holes but its still...lacking. The first season is meant to take place over six months of time and it really doesn't feel like it.

The lack of episodes means we don't get to see the natural progression of these characters and their relationships. Many characters have seemingly out of nowhere changes of heart. Even the best done plot lines still feel pretty cramped and rushed.

It's very sad and unfortunately is becoming increasingly commonplace for shows to have such short runtimes that they feel like extra long movies rather than feeling like a tv show. Hazbin Hotel feels like a very long musical pace-wise. And if you decide to watch it that way I think you might have a better time honestly. But its still sad to think of what could've been.

Positive 2: Music

Oh my fucking god the songs are so good. None of them are bad in my opinion. I have my favorites and least favorites of course but none of them sound bad or annoying which I can't say for 90% of musicals especially cartoon musicals.

Almost every song feels like its 100% necessary to express what the characters are thinking and feeling. Every single VA has a fantastic singing voice. Apparently one of the main writers of these songs is half of The Living Tombstone which is pretty apparent from the style of the songs. If you like their music you'll be in for such a treat here.

There are 2 songs per episode and I think its safe to say you'll enjoy the crap out of at least one of them. They make up for a lot of the short runtime with them too, being able to fit a whole lot of character growth and interaction into a shorter period. This show is definitely carried by its stellar soundtrack. I think it's its best trait for sure.

If you like musicals, you have something to gain from watching this show, I can guarantee that.

In the spoiler section I'm gonna rank all 16 songs and explain my reasons btw so look forward to that.

Negative 2: Editing

The editing of this show can be...questionable at times. Sometimes there will be very harsh unnecessary cuts and sometimes the camera moves all over the place when it really doesn't need to. It really feels like the editors got the raw animation files and were trying to clock in overtime by making unnecessary and bizarre editing choices all over the place.

It wasn't very jarring to me personally and I feel like most people will get used to it within a single episode but if you're unsure of how to feel about it I'd go watch the song Happy Day in Hell on youtube because it's probably the worst offender in the show and about as bad as the editing will get.

Positive 3: Characters

As sad as I am that the show has so little time to explore the characters they are VERY well established regardless. These characters have a lot of charisma and almost all of them have a completed arc within this season.

I've heard a lot of people claim that Charlie, the main character, doesn't get enough screentime or doesn't feel like a protagonist and I'm sorry but I can't see this as anything but bad faith criticism. Hazbin Hotel is an ensemble show with a very limited episode count, not every episode can have Charlie at the center. But she IS the center of the main plot and she is a very active protagonist with strong relationships to the other members of the ensemble. Her goals are tightly wound in with the central plot and themes and she makes the decisions that drive the story.

She very much fills her protagonist role well and I think this attempt at criticism is just a biproduct of the several years of development where occasionally we'd get bonus content for other characters and Charlie didn't get much. But it's pretty clear that that was cause her character IS the plot and Vivziepop didn't want to spoil the entire show before it even aired.

Beyond that I've seen people claim that all the queer characters are over-sexualized. Which is hilarious because as far as I can find there is only one canon straight character in the main cast and the rest are all queer. There is only one character that has an storyline focused around sex and that's Angel Dust...because he is a sex worker. The other characters occasionally make sex jokes but no other queer characters have sex as a focal point.

Overall, the characters definitely balance each other out in this story and they're a big draw for me. Even minor characters that only appear prominently in one episode are super charismatic and interesting. Hell, my favorite character in this show is one of these minor characters.

One thing I very much enjoy is how none of the characters ever seem to be dumbed down for the sake of the plot. The stakes remain high because all of these problems genuinely feel like there is no easy solution that the characters are just conveniently ignoring. All of the characters' choices feel like theyre in-character which is very impressive given the episode count.

Neutral 1: Dialogue/Jokes

So this is a topic I've seen a lot of people discuss specifically here on tumblr. The characters are very sweary and many of the jokes are very crass and explicit.

Personally I had no issue with this at all the jokes were fine to me and the swearing just felt like Hell's natural dialect to be honest. Plus I swear like a sailor irl so it was barely different to my normal. Very much a non-issue for me.

I could see how it could be off-putting to others though if it's something you're not used to. And I do find it to be a bit much in the sister-show Helluva Boss because it feels a lot less natural. (side-note, if y'all want me to make one of these for Helluva Boss let me know cause I have a LOT to say about that show). So honestly I think this is a matter of personal taste and I'd encourage people to still give the show a whirl if this is your main issue with it as its pretty minor.

Positive 4: World-building

I really enjoy the complex world in this show. A lot of its takes on the lore it's drawing from are actually pretty unique and nuanced, it's obvious the creator did a lot of research. Any lore that is changed was clearly done with the knowledge of its true origins. It really feels like Viv knew the rules well before she broke them with this.

This is one of those worlds where you can't help but imagine yourself in it, especially with it being the afterlife. It's no wonder the fandom is so dense with oc content, its very fun to imagine creative character designs when there's so few limits to what a character can look like.

And the world-building seriously elevates the story so well. This is one of the few times the short episode count actually helps the story I think, because there's still so much to explore and discover here. I like the delayed gratification of getting all the info about how hell and heaven function its nice to chew on theorize about. It's just a very appealing and interesting setting what can I say.

Neutral 2: Handling of Subject Matter

This has got to be one of the most divisive things about this show and I think this is the thing that most comes down to personal opinion.

There are a lot of criticisms against how this show handles incredibly serious subject matter. And frankly, as much as I don't have any issue with its portrayal of these things personally, its incredibly understandable why others take issue with it. I encourage everyone to give the show a fair shot and judge it in its entirety as a lot of these things really need context to be criticized fairly.

However I understand that, even if you agree with the way Hazbin hotel handles these subjects, you may still be incredibly uncomfortable or even triggered by the graphic depictions. So I'm going to take some time and list out every possible trigger that you will encounter in each episode to the best of my ability based on my recollection. Because even though Amazon does give warnings they are too vague for my tastes and I wanna make sure anyone who watches this show on my recommendation is going to be safe (Let me know if I missed anything and I will edit this to include it):

Episode 1: 16+

Blood

Knives

Religious Trauma

Graphic Violence

Mild Gore

Eye Stabbing

Genocide as a topic

Sexual harassment

Drug Use/Alcohol

Beheading

Guns

Christian Imagery

Death

Episode 2: 16+

Mild Body Horror

Drug Use/Alcohol

Guns

Christian Imagery

Episode 3: 16+

Beheading

Blood

Cannibalism

Graphic Violence

Sexual Harassment

Guns

BDSM

Episode 4: 18+

Graphic Depictions of Sexual Assault

Rape

Sexual Harassment

Graphic Depictions of Physical Abuse

Graphic Depictions of Routine Sexual Abuse

Alcoholism/Drug Addiction

BDSM

Roofies

Nudity

Graphic Violence

Guns

Emotional Abuse

Exploitatin of Sex Workers as a topic

Building on Fire

Gambling Addiction

Episode 5: 16+

Alcohol/Drug Use

Non-sexual exploitation

Graphic Violence

Guns

Blood

Religious Trauma

Absentee Parent

Christian Imagery

Episode 6: 16+

Religious Trauma

Christian Imagery

Amputation

Eye stabbing

Graphic Violence

Blood

Guns

Knives

Alcoholism/Drug Addiction (+enabling)

Physical Abuse

Exploitation of Sex Workers as a topic

Sexual Harassment

Genocide as a topic

Episode 7: 16+

Guns

Knives

Blood

Cannibalism

Episode 8: 16+

Guns

Blood

Graphic Violence

Genocide

Gore

Death

Animal Death

Christian Imagery

Religious Trauma

Amputation

Knives

Building Collapse

Stabbing

I believe that should be everything.

I highly encourage you to be cautious if you have PTSD or C-PTSD regarding sexual or physical abuse in particular for episode 4. The episode is quite graphic and realistic in its depiction. As someone who hasn't been through sexual abuse I cannot speak to the accuracy of its portrayal apart from the fact that it is very clearly not created to be tantalizing or glorifying.

I've been told many different opinions on how this episode portrays sexual abuse and whether it is accurate or respectful and it seems like the answer varies greatly person to person from being extremely comforting and relatable to being offensive and feeling gratuitous. In my opinion I think this means the show did a decent job and had good intentions, but it also means that this show and this episode in particular just aren't for everyone. Make of this what you will and stay safe.

Positive 5: Themes

The themes in this show are baked into its core. It manages to get its message across without feeling too clunky and the focus of the story never strays from that purpose.

Redemption is often a mixed bag in shows especially in cartoons. But I think Vivziepop and the rest of her crew do a good job showing the effort it takes to change and grow as a person in the short time they have.

I think the dedication to themes is a huge part of how genuine the story feels. It's earnest in its message and that gives the plot a soul.

If you want to watch a story about broken people lifting each other up this is the one.

Neutral 3: Vivziepop

So a lot of you have perhaps heard some not-so-great stuff about this show's creator.

From what I've gathered in my research almost all of the serious claims made about her are either proven to be false or big ol nothing-burgers. However, there might be legitimacy to some of her employees and coworkers' complaints about her company, Spindlehorse, which aren't great. And I personally dislike how she conducts herself on social media as the spokesperson for her creation.

In short, she doesn't seem to have much tact.

I think its a little ridiculous and overdramatic to avoid the show over it personally but if this just strikes a particular nerve with you there is always the option to pirate ig. It's fully up to you. Just make sure you do your research and don't go around shaming fans of the show or spreading misinformation about a very real person.

Conclusion

I'd personally give the show an 8/10. Its a fun time and clearly made with a lot of passion. I'd recommend it to everyone who's interested. Now I'lll start working on the spoiler bit of the review.

Let me know what y'all think! If anyone reading this has questions I'm happy to answer as well.

[who-is-page]

hey! i'm new to this community so im so sorry if this is rude. i just heard about otherkin and therians from sophieinwonderland? but she said things about how being attracted to otherkin and therian people is like zoophilia and stuff. i'm sure those posts are still up on her blog if you want to look. anyways, that made me feel weird? so that's why i'm asking you. you seem to know a lot of things? based on my vibe check. so i was just wondering what your thoughts on this are.

I've had sophieinwonderland blocked for a really long time now, so I had to take a quick jaunt through her blog to check this-- I'm guessing you're referring to this post from 2022, where she says "Zoophilia means an attraction to animals. [...] I think we can all agree that biological nonhuman animals cannot consent and that bestiality is wrong. But what actually constitutes zoophilia is so much murkier. [...] if attraction to animals is zoophilia, is attraction to animal-identifying biological humans?" (It's important to note that Sophie states elsewhere on her blog that the TL;DR of what she was trying to convey in this post and the related debacle surrounding it is that she doesn't believe in thoughtcrimes, doesn't want non-offending paraphiles harassed or attacked, and supports human-bodied animal-persons in relationship with other consenting human-bodied adults. These are all pretty reasonable stances to hold, all things considered, and we don't want to conflate her with actual Zetas and bestialists-- she just seems to accidentally be repeating some questionable rhetoric without realizing it, because she isn't familiar with the therian community and its unique missing stairs in this regard. Source)

So from an outsider perspective, regarding folks who aren't particularly familiar with the otherkin and therian communities and who don't know better, this can seem like a genuine point or a fair question to bring up. What people don't actually often realize is that not only is this not true, but this sort of rhetoric is actually most often used as a bestialist dogwhistle. Let me explain.

So first off: no, having a partner who is an otherkin, a therian, a non-human fictionkin, or who otherwise is a human that identifies as an nonhuman animal does not make someone a zoophile nor a bestialist. Having sex with your human-bodied consenting adult partner is not bestiality. Loving them for who they are is not zoophilia. Zoophilia is, first and foremost in this context, an attraction to real-life actual animals. Things like thinking Mufasa LionKing is hot, or being a murrsuiter, or following a therian on OnlyFans, doesn't count.

(For those interested, there actually is a specific orientation term for people who are strictly alterhuman4alterhuman-- the term is "Medusan," it was coined in 2018, and it's actually more popular than you think.)

Now, here's where the unique problems of specifically the therian community comes into play, and why what sophieinwonderland is implying here is teetering close to an unintentional dogwhistle on her part, something she wouldn't have known because she's not a member of our communities. If you're not interested in the history aspect of this and why referring to therianthropy or otherkinship as potentially or inherently zoophilic is a dogwhistle, you can jump-ship here and I won't blame you-- I'm putting it below the cut for brevity's sake.

The therian community, if you're not aware, has had an issue in the past where several long-term, respectable members were revealed to be bestialists, either they themselves participating in bestiality or being knowingly supportive of those who do. These individuals were (and still are) also, unfortunately, in charge of or otherwise held leadership positions in some of the biggest and oldest therian and otherkin forums-- namely Therian Guide, OtherkinPhenomena (who shared a majority of its staff with Therian Guide), and the Werelist (who also shared staff with Therian Guide). You can check out my Therian Guide Beware for details and citations, because that's where most of this initial explosion of "WTAF" stemmed from.

When this all came out in roughly 2017-2019, it created complete community chaos. People felt betrayed, and rightly so. There were a lot of divisions in the community about where to draw the line, when, and how. And the bestialists intentionally made everything as messy as possible during the course of it all.

The bestialists largely justified their abuse through their own therianthropy and connection to animality, and when that didn't work, they pivoted to trying to include as much of the therian community under the "zoophilia" umbrella as possible in order to argue that it was natural or normal for therians to sexually abuse animals-- you can see an example of them doing that here, in Therian Guide owner DustWolf's baseless Twitter assertion that "60% of all therians are zoo[phile]s." (mirror).

For the record, no, 60% of therians are not zoophiles, and no current statistics from the community supports this. I wrote a Twitter thread in 2022 debunking this claim. But this also ties into the next point-- DustWolf isn't just referring to people who are attracted to real life animals. DustWolf is also referring to bestialists in this statistic, even if it's not immediately apparent.

The bestialists tried to paint this picture of all therians being pro-bestiality by trying to expand the definition of the term "zoophile" in public discourse and muddle its meaning as much as possible, to mean everything from "person who commits bestiality" to "person who had a crush on Nick Wilde as a teenager" to "person who experiences a sex drive and who also identifies as a nonhuman animal." They also used anti-bestiality backlash to try and lay claim on anyone who got caught in the cross-fire, playing the sympathetic shoulder to people who weren't bestialists or even zoophiles to get them to join up in their communities, and they coined terms like "zootherian" to try and reinforce a nonexistent connection between bestiality and therianthropy. It was, to summarize it succinctly, a complete clusterfuck. Nowadays, bestialists have also picked up queer social justice rhetoric and language to try and argue for the legalization of bestiality, though this wasn't as prevalent 2 years ago, which is its own issue.

Because of all this, assertions and implications that therians and otherkin are by default zoophiles, or that a majority of therians or otherkin are zoophiles, or that therianthropy and otherkinship can be intrinsically tied to zoophilia, or that zoophilia is queer and alterhuman, or even publicly identifying as a zoophile, is considered a major dogwhistle in the community. Historically when people who aren't just outright anti-kin have said these types of things to our communities, it's been to cover the asses of people who want to normalize and legitimize bestiality, or because the person in question is freely involved with communities and groups who have welcomed pro-bestiality attitudes. Saying that shit is a quick way to get blocked by a ton of alterhumans on most platforms. Sophie made a distinct division between "bestiality" and "zoophilia" in her commentary so it's obvious she didn't intend it that way, but it's still really not a great thing to say or imply because of the history behind it and the ways it's been used before.

So, to reiterate: no, people who date therians and otherkin aren't zoophiles, and people who say such are implying a lot more than they actively realize.

[stillinthatweirdfaze]

I usually don’t make posts like this bc sharing hobbies and interests on the internet makes me very very anxious for whatever reason but I really really wanna share this issue of the Dragon magazine I found at the thrift store yesterday!!!!!!!!

25th anniversary edition of the official D&D magazine !!!!! It is issue 284 and it came out in June 2001. Unfortunately it did not come with the advertised bonus CD rom when I bought it though :[

I’m gonna use this post to show off some of the stuff that’s in it that I really liked or found interestingggg :]

First off we have a full spread add for baulders gate 2, which is kinda funny considering the third one didn’t come out that long ago. I want to eat this ye oldie early 2000ds generic fantasy font I bet it tastes like burnt shortbread.

A little step by step on how the artist made the cover which I find like. Infinitely charming. Especially since this cover itself is so gorgeous. I hope Todd Lockwood is doing good today.

A full page add for an online anime fantasy rpg called Nexus the kingdom of the winds. OUGGGGEEEEE this art style,,,,,,, it takes me back to places it takes me back to like that one vampire anime and clanad and YouTube anime top tens. Fuck graphic design we should start putting sparkles and radial gradients on everything again.

an add for a series of sound effect cds for your games which I want so so bad I need to know what’s on these.

Two little sections where it seems people can submit photos and stories about themselves or their game members to be published. The Dm of the month one is genuinely heartwarming and cute. The thought of Steve seeing that he won made me smile. Also “Nubile dwarf chicks” and “chaotic secretive” is a great example of how early 2000nds out of pocket this issue can be sometimes. You can fucking smell the energy off the second image.

An extremely funny review of a previous dragon issue.

an add for Gen con 2001 and a schedule of upcoming conventions. If anyone went to these I would genuinely love to hear about them I love convention history a whole lot especially from around this time

A page in, apparently a series, about what ttrpg players value in a game written by Gary Gygax!!! If anyone has any previous or the final issues of this study please do share I really really wanna see them. Also the three genders: males, females, and newbies

Two stat blocks for some half dragon characters

A Draconic to English translation table that I wish I had as a preteen because I would have eaten it the fuck up. Also I cut it off but the last sentence on the bottom right is “please don’t disembowel the dwarf” which apparently is “martiver thric gixustratt tundar”

Add for a brand of miniatures and in what stores to find them. I wonder how many of these places are still open

An add for WOTZ game stores with the tagline “it’s where you play the game” and advertising “Hella Bandwith” and “scantily clad BABES.” I find it unreasonably funny that they are three pictures of the same exact woman, scantily clad babe, one (1), one singular babe.

Spell and magical item themed crossword

A full on campaign setting of the real city of London. I didn’t take pictures of all of it but it has a history section, locations, npcs, adventure hooks, and what even looks like a little blank dungeon layout of a mansion . I feel like putting real places as campaign settings has always been like, a thing, but I don’t see it too often. Its charming I like it.

A stat block and gorgeous illustration for a lesser dragon companion. The gradient circle in the back is my favorite argggg I wanna draw like this sometimes

A section on how to assemble your own monster models. Admittedly I know close to nothing about model making so this was an extremely fun read for me

A bunch of PC portraits of half dragons that are so so cool. You see a lot of stuff about people getting really specific designs about different hybrids like oh a dwarf tyfling looks different than an elf tyfling n that sort of stuff in the modern day but you don’t really see it canonized at all. So it’s really interesting to see that concept in an officially published D&D thing, even if it’s just a magazine. I really like the dwarf one a lot.

Possibly my favorite thing ever is this cartoon that reads like a fucking wizard tumblr shitpost. Like down to a fucking tea this is some shit the evil wizard blog would say and it makes me so so so happyyyyyyyyy. It’s the cadence that amazes me they got the tumblr wizard cadence exactly right. Im posting this shit on its own without shame bc I need people to see it. Pour me something whimsical and arcane bar wench.

A absolutely chefs kiss add for a ????? Pc????? Pc game????? Pc accessory??? I honestly can’t tell anyway enjoy your free ps2 polygonal hotted woman ass

And finally the thing that made me fuckin gasp out loud when I saw it, an add for the original year of our lord 2001 shitty D&D movie with special features and online sweepstakes to win a trip to Prague. Holy shit. God I love this game.

anyway that’s it, I plan to frame this thing and put it up somewhere. Ty for reading all my nerd shit. :,]