#like i DO want to be home for awhile | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

fiona-fififi · 5 months

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As someone who loves Albert, I wish he could have been at the wedding.

As someone who regularly has to fly between Korea and the states, I do not blame him for skipping it.

#the incheon airport is a fucking disaster right now #the jetlag is an absolute bitch #flying out for anything less than a month is not fucking worth it #it could be my own mother getting married and i'd tell her to have fun and good luck #that shit is NOT worth it #random 911 thoughts #911 spoilers #ignore me #just thinking about albert #and also the fact that i am likely going to have to fly to the states again in a couple of months 😭#like i DO want to be home for awhile #i do NOT want to have to deal with the travel

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try-set-me-on-fire · 9 months

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Me: this one will be a slow burn I think

Eddie Diaz: no actually i need to tell him i love him immediately

#calm down sir #i was driving home thinking about how to continue the scene i just posted and was like well what if Eddie’s like.#we’re partners in every other way why not try romantically. haha. (so nervous he’s about to vomit)#you dont have to raise this kid alone because i didnt have to raise my kid alone. i had you.#and buck is like Eddie. Eddie……..#you have to know I love you but i dont know if i can do that right now #if I’m about to adopt a child-#i mean first i haven’t even been approved yet and I don’t know what a new relationship does to my chances #second everything’s going to a mess for awhile i dont want Us to immediately be put under so much pressure #and they;re just like :( at each other #and buck’s like is it awful to ask you to wait for me #and Eddie’s like of course not. of course i will.#and you’re still not going to be alone. I’ll be here for you however you want me.#and then they have to go back in to the dinner party and try to be normal! good luck!

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alluralater · 4 months

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hey everyone, i won’t be as active for a while. got home last night super late after being on the road for 20 some odd hours. dealing with some family things and as an older sister, my priority of taking care of my siblings comes first before anything else. being on here is amazing for me but i don’t think i’ll have much time for it. reminder to please treat those in your life who are battling addiction with patience and care. i lost my older brother (sweetest person i’ve ever known and he remained that way up until his last night) to suicide and alcoholism, trauma and ptsd, depression and his feelings of hopelessness. talk with the people you care about. another of my siblings is dealing with the same and i refuse to let it escalate to such a terrifying end twice in less than a fucking year. remind the people you care about that there are beautiful things to live for. show them kindness and love. there is all kinds of misinformation out there but know this, you can make a difference for someone. don’t let them suffer in silence.

#if you have me on snap then you saw the super gorgeous views and such on my way to idaho but what you did not see was me picking #up my little sister. propping her body up with pillows in a hotel room to make sure she didn’t aspirate on her own vomit in her sleep.#pouring out her water bottle of white claw and talking to her about drug use.#i never make her feel as though she has disappointed me or that she should feel ashamed. shame helps nothing. love helps everything.#i’m going to get her back into treatment soon- i just need her to know she has a home when she’s out. detoxing here first and being #positively reinforced for every single step of the process is so fucking important. it was terrifying to learn that if i had not gone to ge #her when i did that she probably would have died there in the next few weeks.#my fear of death for her is not what guides me though and there’s a huge difference between that and doing something out of love. being #there in dire moments is important yes- but being there through the mundanity of recovery is JUST as vital. it’s a process and it’s hard.#she’s moving in with me for awhile so i can help her through this sensitive time in her recovery.#she’s trying so hard and being recognized for that has literally been making her sob. knowing she has people who truly care for her is #everything. now that my stepdad is away from her like across the country i can actually finally help her. she’s starting to understand and #without me saying anything- she is starting to see what he’s done to her and our family. she needs love and support and stability. she need #reasons to live. sorry im kinda rambling a lot in these tags but i just… i can’t lose another one. the love i carry for my siblings is #unlike any other. i’ve treated them like my children since i was a child and those are my own issues but our mother is gone now too so it i #up to me.#losing my brother last september and my mom the year before that- grief has just been back to back.#in the hotel room i couldn’t sleep. she fell asleep so quickly and all i could do was watch her and think about all of the things i want to #do to make her feel like her life has value and worth enough to stay here and not go. my little sister is forever four years old in my mind #yes she’s an adult of 23 but she is a baby to me. she’s so young and she has so much ahead of her. she deserves a happy and fulfilled life.#our lives have been… very hard. 4 out of 5 of us are still standing and i plan on keeping it that way.#this is not the pain olympics or whatever but listen- if i put an adult in any of the situations we were in as children they would not #survive. we only did because there was no other choice. now there are escapes and we are old enough to try them all- every single one of us #has searched for some escape. it spirals and escalates and it doesn’t help but it is an escape. giving her love and affection and getting #her the help she needs and doing it the RIGHT way- it lessens the need for escape. there is nothing wrong with being an addict.#addiction ends one of two ways. life or death. unfortunately there is no in between. she’s going to feel everything- bad and good. i want #her to know there is so much good. that she is good. every move i make right now matters so i don’t think i’ll have time for tumblr or #much socializing.#just a heads up yk. thank you for your patience in advance <3

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iguessitsjustme · 3 months

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I know Moo and Kang are kind and forgiving and wonderful human beings. I’m not though. Shone is getting pushed right off thr cliff.

If you answer “not me” congrats on being a good person. You are so much better than I am. But also if you ever need a mean friend to deal with someone for you, congrats, I’m your friend now.

#only boo #only boo series #only boo the series #i guess i shouldnt call myself mean #i am a kind person who is super loyal and willing to be mean if a friend needs help #moo needs a mean friend cause i would have dealt with shone so bad he would be scared to flirt with anyone let alone kang #shone is a bro code violator and has committed the worst offense #because he was part of the reason kang broke up with moo in the first place #then he had the AUDACITY to tell moo well youve been broken up for a year why can’t i hit on him #like he didnt play a role in that breakup #can we please start giving Book characters that i like?#i really liked shone at first but now i just…off the cliff #i want to write so much about this ending but it took me awhile to process and now im busy and don’t have time #depending on how late i get home i might write out some thoughts #but i genuinely do not know when that will be

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tothesolarium · 3 months

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how did my professor recommend me The Color of Outer Space

and I found the whole ass wrong book

its about a farm??? I was reading space travel what did I do

#makes more sense why prof was like yah know i hate the author but damn its a good spook #oh hp lovecraft #ill piss on your grave but also #i can like #relate to being terrified of the world but he handled it in the worst god damn way possible #the evil is not only in what you dont understand its in you to!! much better sorce of stories #my goal in life is to honestly do his shit better #which is setting myself up for failure #but like #cosmic horror is in us #its the fact we can do terrible things but other people Do Terrible tihngs and trying to understand Why is a worse abyss than any darkness #because no matter Why they are doing something Now #understanding can Possibly help the future pervent things #or just cause another horror #this is not well thought thoughts but a man annoyed his hands hurt and he cant draw #aaaa #also if you read this far #any movie recs?? i want spook but not home intrusion unless its like- cartoony?? does that make sense?? or like Really Dramatic not possibl #not like Hush #is that the name?? she can't talk... or she can't hear??fuck i watched it awhile ago #i liked it alot but i also am jumpy enough so dont need help with That rn #i havent seen most #maybe i should just watch carrie

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kavennnn · 4 months

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coil ch

edit: tumblr stole half of my tags so i put a bad version of the second half of what i was trying to say in my notes :( sorry

#magic and mystery #m&m coil #this one was actually sweet tho #kinda mad that lockhart's getting any credit at all but what can ya do #i think i would be more destroyed if blaise actually killed him #hhow tf did he actually find the chamber tho???#like what could make you guess there???#i hope that gets answered #cant remember how he found out in the hp books either #think he followed them????? maybe???#but he took too long to have followed them in coil i think.. so idk #but it was an incredibly sweet ending #and i like that we got to see ginny's love for chaos form #if allegory writes another year then that year will be insane #especially w/ percy and pansy now in the gang too ??!!#man the gang is going #and again i predicted since early coil that by the end of coil pansy would join the gang #i believed in her #dad snape is back again and thank god too #obviously the pm is gonna mess w/ their relationship #but yk #him getting his name cleared and not being able to do anything abt it im happy but worried abt him going home #how are they even gonna end the year off??? will snape pomfrey and mcgonagall rlly let him go home #theyre gonna have too right??#also the diary is still in play and im concerned #but for now we have a ch ending on a nice note #ALSO I FINALLY GOT MY BLAISE POV ID BEEN CALLING FOR AWHILE NOW #surprised it took this long and that it didnt address things i thought it would #it was good and it made since for him to be thinking like that in the moment #but i rlly want him to atleast address pansy's arm getting broken eventually

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somebodyminecrafyidk · 4 months

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[What Could Have Been]

After the unfortunate reveal of what kind of person Wilbursoot was, I was unsure whether or not to post this, but I've decided to. Here is my outline for the beginning of a fanfic I was writing...

Note: Everything under the cut was written before Wilbur was exposed for being an abuser, as well as some of the tags

A Modern-Vampire!AU involving SBI and a few other people.

Techno is an aspiring writer that recently moved into a very... low quality aparment. He's taken note of the number of bats that fly around the neighborhood and has developed a habit many people in his apartment complex have; feeding fruit to the bats that hang out around his place.

The place is pretty chill. Techno works at this nice Café. (Whether it's Niki's or not is up to you.) He's developed a small rivalry with this random kid who pesters him for food all the time. Techno usually shares his lunch with the kid. (Techno admits the kid is pretty cute with his squid themed. backpack and hoodie)

Anyway, Techno is doing well, he's adjusting to the neighborhood, his boss is pretty nice, and he even has the free time to write his second novel now.

Time passes and Techno has fully adjusted to the place, getting comfortable until... Tommy shows up! Tommy is a fledgling vampire who recently was given the freedom of going out. (As long as one of the other coven members are with him.)

One day while out, Tommy gets distracted and wanders off, loseing his caretaker of the night. This leads to Tommy getting lost and ariving at an old apartment complex. The place has bat boxes and Tommy prepares to spend the day in one to hide from the sun.

While trying to hide from the sun in his bat form, Tommy finds this weird guy with shitty pink hair who's been trying to lure him inside with grapes. (Techno sees a small pup without it's mother desperately hiding in his very old and falling apart bat box.)

Eventually Techno gets the pup inside, wrapping him up in a soft baby blanket and putting him in a shoe box with a warming pad.

Tommy is scared and confused by the actions of this random human... but he quite likes the warm box he's been put in... it's not his fault if he fell asleep!

Across the city is a frantic Wilbur trying to find his missing brother who disappeared after he looked away for a second! Okay, maybe he was staring at that pretty human running the nearby record store but Tommy had been right there beside him!

Wilbur and the rest of the coven desperately searches for Tommy before being forced to take refuge from the sun indoors.

I'm unsure of what happens next but Tommy eventually makes his way back and is promptly grounded and forced to stay indoors. The only problem is that... Tommy has imprinted on Techno during his time with him and begins sneaking out to hang out with Techno. (Techno is relieved that the little bat he helped was doing well!)

#technoblade #bedrock bros #sbi #sbi fanfic #vampire au #modern au #wilbur is a worried older brother #techno just wants to write his book and vibe with the little bat that keeps showing up on his balcony #tommy 'run away from home to eat fruit with weird man' innit #phil is a old man who cant handle the stress of his kids going missing #kristin absolutely knows where tommy is going and fins it amusing after awhile #if she even exists #squid kid is a gremlin that always eats techno's potato wedges.#philza #tommyinnit #wilbur soot #i actually like this #i may or may not write a fanfic for this au #what could have been #i might still try writing this #i had chapter one half way complete #correction: wilbur *was* a worried older brother #i could try replacing wilbur with someone #like tubbo #or ranboo #I REALLY WANTED TO DO SOMETHING FUN WITH SQUIDKID AND TECHNO #THEY COULD HAVE BEEN BROTHERS #squid kid : turned into literal child

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dragons-and-yellow-roses · 1 month

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#i saw the tv glow made me realize i want to start binding #kind of. it made me look inwards and realize i have so much dysphoria and i want to do something about it #i havent thought about any kind of physical transition in quite awhile #bcuz it can be difficult or take money and i thought i didnt have enough dysphoria to warrant it #but now im kind of realizing i have a shit ton of dysphoria and i want to do something about it #i want to take actions to make my body a home that i can feel safe and comfortable in #fuck that movie for making me do inner reflection and realizing that i dont feel right and want to take steps to change that #not sure what the long term goals are tbh. or if there will be any. but binding feels like a good start #dont watch i saw the tv glow unless you want to reevaluate yourself in uncomfortable ways #(thats a glowing recommendation btw)#this post is kind of nonsensical i think. i dont make sense generally but especially now #idk dont pay attention to me im just fairly excited at the prospect of binding thats the main point #just need to measure my chest tonight and order the binder!

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shrapnarl · 2 months

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quick dreamsnso i can find them later

#eating pine branches at grandmas.#lived next door.#renting.#pine branches were really tasty and chewy like ... soupy tootsie rolls?#tried to sneak up on sister #while holding a plastic bag #found. she thought i was soemthing worse. also had been followed by crows for awhile #went back home. grandparents mom and uncles gave me 21 cents and advice on how to have a good birthday on the dime #played sonic the hedgehog with mom except ive never played sonic before in my life so it definitely wasnt that #more like animal crossing with an explore / battle mode?#and you could only pick from 3 characters #mom played with me. i was surprised.#. next dream #exploring a minecraft like world. big mansion #somehow end up in hell #i fall down and loose my exit. have to fight invisible ghasts and monsters until i can explore and find a way back #find a way back. no tools. hard to find resources to make a pickaxe in this mansion.#im with a bunch of people and mocked for not being able to find twigs #someone destroys a chair and hands me a bundle of twigs #i know the next step is to go punch a tree but all the trees growing here are pretty and i dont want to #later theres some ceremony. funeral maybe but with more religious undertones?#i have to wear a dress #and am handed heavy dangly earrings to wear #after i mourn and gather myself. some sort of special symbolism.#i take longer to mourn than the crowd of others would like #wearing the earrings themselves feels like tremendous grief to me. the weight of doing something I Am Not.#then they ask me to put on eyeshadow too #all of this in a very feminine way mind you #i tear tf out of there and flee #i run into more people in the hallway. somehow this place ends up being the church i grew up in

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ek300-theprototype · 7 months

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I kind of just want to settle in one place for awhile. I don't really have to keep going from place to place, but I want to spend time with everyone but the people I want to spend time with never spend time with each other

#I like staying at codys and at diannas #but I kind of want to go home and just stay there #I should ask chloe if she's doing okay sometime #go over for awhile and collect some things I need #it's been almost 2 months now #it feels like every else has a different schedule than me

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companionsofusall · 5 months

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I wonder how trackers relationship with jawbone is. It must be hard to live and love someone who loves and supports your ex after you break up

#like that is kinda fucked up #not that she wants kristen kicked out in reality but knowing that every time you want to go home and maybe had a rough day or a fight #with your new gf you would have to see your ex #and like im sure itll be fine after awhile but like in the moment i wonder how jawbone and her are doing #not to mention kristen soon after the breakup is probably like hm. do i have an exit plan

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mildmayfoxe · 1 year

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got home & immediately took two ibuprofen (massive throbbing headache) three tums (electrolyte water gave me heartburn) iron supplement melatonin multivitamin (normal dailies) strong cough drop (screaming) & started blasting the ac

#i want my head to stop hurting so i can go to bed. i feel awful #this is what i get for not drinking any water & being in a loud & smoky building for almost six hours #i left all my stuff at work & didn’t feel like going back for it before i went home so i don’t even have my water bottle or anything :(#just this $6 dasani i’m reusing that isn’t gonna be enough water for the night HAHA #ugh. ok. time to lay still in the dark #chatpost #i got in the habit of taking all my vitamins right before bed #i used to do it first thing in the morning but after awhile i realized it was making me feel sick to do that #and i am not consistent enough to do them at any other time

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haunted-house-heart · 11 months

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#tw animal death #tommy is being put down #he's had something wrong with his mouth so weve been mixing can food w warm water for like two years #we cant afford to take him to the vet. its over $2000 at least for a dental and we just cant afford it #and hes been losing weight and eating less and less and weve known for awhile that hes declining #so mom got animal control to take him in as a feral hoping they cpuld help him that way #and we knew there was a chance they wouldnt be able to and would have tl put him down #but the vet said she would dl it. and we found out we could go vosit him so we were gonna do that today #and a lady called right before we wete headinv out to come see him and said. the vet is going on a month leave and no onr rlse will fo it #so hes gonns be put down #so hes been dtuck in that cage all alone for 10 days. and he hates being inside and apparently he hasnt been eating and just hissing at ever #everyone. and he was so scared when we walked in but when he realized who i was started purring and climbing all over me #and being so loving and happy and immediately wanted to eat agakn amd just #i had to leave him there. all alone. to fucking die #vent #i dont want him to go i want him to come home with me hes my boy

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vanibear · 1 year

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mothers really know how to make you dysphoric in a very specific way

#man i havent been this bothered in Awhile …. dies #i love summer but it is also just hell for trans ppl #guess Im just spooked bc she went through my messages yesterday which is not something she usually does #and that is. an enormous trigger for me #at least now I have the power of saying im 18 im an adult now and you cannot do that to me anymore #man. it just really hurts bc usually i feel happy I feel safe at home #but then something like this happens and i realize just how much I keep secret from them #man i want to leave here but also id die if I did. i don’t have anything.and it’s not like I want to leave badly all the time #90% of the time everythings fine …#hgghhghg .life is too complicated #vent #kat post

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carryonmylovelies · 2 years

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omg hey hotties 😭😭 im back !

#sooooooooooooo anyways not me dropping off the face of the earth for like the entire summer vwkqmqjdhsowjwjwjenkwhwk #just had to die for a little bit u know....disappear into the abyss and all that #pls look away from all the shit im abt to throw into these tags 😁 unless u want 2 read my cringe oversharing essay for the day 👍#my summer was so silly 😍 ummmmm lets see i lost my fulltime job at the daycare bc the owner very rightfully decided to retire and close #so i was unemployed for the whole summer except for my occasional side jobs and also had to move bc of family shit #so im living w my grandma for the time being and its utterly amazing tbh my grandma and i have a really strong bond and relationship #and i really love getting to come home and see her every day. i decorated her house for halloween a week ago 🎃🎃🎃#and she couldnt stop talking abt how nice everything looked and how glad she was to have me there and i just abt broke down 😭😭😭#i did a complete fucking 180 jobwise im actually training to be a certified fire alarm inspector now LMFAO #i really really like it so far and have like a million stories already abt all the shit ive done/seen so far #im the only girl looking son of a bitch thats working and training in the field out of my entire region of the company so 🤪#literally shoved my dykey nb ass in there and now im fucking it up with the boys heyoooooo #ummm me and one of my best friends started dating bc of a miscommunication (BC OFC WE DID I KNOW I KNOW ITS SO MF GAY)#and our 4 mo anniversary will be on halloween which i think is the swaggiest fag shit in the whole WORLLLDDDDDDDD 😫🎃🖤🧡#my very beloved pet rabbit of over 8 years died quite unexpectedly in august and i was. doing pretty bad for awhile which sucked so so hard #he had multiple health issues and was over 10 yrs old so its hard to say what exactly happened. my gf and gma both pulled me thru that shit #and my besties gave me so much support and love idek what i would have done w/o them. i miss my baby so bad.#ive also had some health issues which sucks absolute BALLS #and recently figured out that the migraine/anti depressant meds ive been on for the last THREE MF YEARS have been fucking up my body lmao #but on the flipside going back 2 the positives i got to have some really incredible experiences/interactions in the past few months #and those were really huge in helping me get my shit together again #i got to take my girlboygirlfriend on little daytrips throughout the summer. i got a second tat🕷🕸❣️ (which my gf designed 😫)#i met girl queen pussy slay miss felicia day AND met the sexiest creature alive harvey guillen and he told me he liked my hair #which im still super duper normal over i can assure u 😁👍 definitely didnt alter my brain chemistry or anything #i saw gods greatest and most valuable gift to this planet on monday (mcr concert)#and had my entire mind body heart and soul so thouroughly fucked up that im still peeing my goddamn pants over it #and of course now its october :) my rotting flesh and sickened brain knows peace once more #bouta go eat up some drawtober posts right the fuck now so prepare yourselves 👁👁 also gonna be making a post on the coc blog soon as well #its already that time of year again mwhahahahahahahahahaha #so yeah 😋 my summer was goofy and silly as hell. i hope u all have been doing okay and im so happy 2 be back pls hmu if u wanna chat !!!

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dragons-and-yellow-roses · 2 years

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Tonight I'm going to try to go to a trans and nonbinary support group, tomorrow I'm going to go to an open mic night, gonna try to make some friends, plant some roots, shit like that. Wish me luck?

#inread a post awhile ago where someone was wondering how to make friends as an adult #and someone reaponded 'consistently show up to things' so im trying that #gonna show up to places. trans and nb support group tonight. im anxious but hella excited. ive always wanted more trans friends #or just to know trans people in general #im looking forward to at least meetinf some people. hoping friends will come out of it #and there's this place near me that i love #every week they host an open stage and open art studio night #basically just show up and be creative or just vibe and watch people perform at the open mic #im excited for that too. i went there once for a concert to support an organization that supports autistic people and their families #that was amazing #and the other night they hosted a storyteller concert for a local band that i love #its super queer friendly and it feels like home tbh #im a musical and artsy person. im nb. im goping to find some people that share those interests #both of those places are also very queer friendly #places where i can be out. at work im not out so i have to pretend to be cis and it sucks #i want a place where i can be openly me #i have the anxiety whoch makes it hard to show up to new places but i think I can do it. im going to do it #the part of thos city i live in is super artsy and musical and it makes me soooo happy #i get bored of places easily and frequently want to run away #but i can see myself living here for years. i want to #yall don't understand how serious that is for me. its hitting me now #i have a coffee shop that i go to all pf the time. theres a band that plays at a good restaurant on Thursdays so my gf and i go there #and then of course the support group and artsy place #idk man im having a good time here #ive been getting emails about this support geoup for months. i was a lot braver when i signed up for the mailing list lol #and it says the topic for this week is funny stories related to our transness. i feel like thats a good topic to start with #i cant think of any funny stories related to my transness tho? idk my journey hasnt been super funny #im brainstorming while at work but maybe ill get inspiration from other people sharing their stories. or maybe ill just stay quiet today #idk. im getting more and more anxious as time draws nearer but i really want to go. im going to make myself #no reason to be anxious. its one hour surrounded by other trans people telling funny stories. i got this

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