#like i don’t know what that level of wanting to beat someone’s ass that is above on site

[thebestorworstofit]

are you scared or do you want to snuggle?

Jared Leto met gala edition, ready go -

[kissitbttr]

dilf!toji who finds you sitting in the curb at one am when he’s doing a quick run to 7/11 to grab a few snacks and a six pack. wondering why on earth, a pretty girl like you is alone.

after paying, he exits through the door before walking cautiously towards you. eyes glancing left and right to find no one is around, not even a car. meaning that you may have walked here.

“hi there sweetheart, you okay?” he calls out of worries. it’s very dark outside and far too dangerous for a young thing like you to be all here alone.

the moment you turn your head around, toji swears he had never seen someone so beautiful. glossy irises looking up at him with your messy long curls framing your features. glittery makeup decorating your eyes, nose and lips.

you must be no older than twenty-five.

“huh?” so clueless, yet so pretty. “o-oh. i’m—good, sir.. thank you” shooting him a small toothy grin with a gummy worm tuck in between your teeth,

he chuckles at that, hand shoved into the pockets of his sweatpants. how adorable.

he nods his chin towards your disregarded kitten heels beside you. “rough night?”

shrugging, you tug off the stretchy sweet off your mouth before chewing. “something like that.”

he tsks at that, head shaking. “it’s not safe for a girl like you to be out here. considering it’s very late. did you walk here?”

nodding, you put a strand of hair behind your ear. “i did, yes. i needed.. food. i was hungry.”

your answer makes him breathe out a laugh. “candies aren’t food, sweetheart—i assumed you were at a party dressing like that” he points out at your skin tight pink dress that barely covers your thighs, and he has to restrain himself from thinking unholy thoughts.

“it was getting quite crowded… i didn’t like it.. suffocating” your voice coming off quiet, if not—sad—“the food there is awful too”

toji hums, taking another step closer as your eyes follow his movements. head tilting back a bit when you notice he’s only standing inches away from your small figure,

“boyfriend not around?” his head move to the side, eyes roaming down your figure. shaking your head, he asks again. “what happened?”

you reply shakily. “he dumped me.. called me nasty things” a tear escapes your eye as you begin to remember what your ex had done to you two hours prior. “t-that’s why i’m here.”

when he sees you beginning to cry, he can’t help but feel bad. what a fucking asshole he thinks. making a cute girl cry and dumped her in the middle of the night? who fucking does that?!

he crouches down to your eye level. and that’s when you finally take a good look of his appearance. breath almost hitching at just how even more handsome he looks up close. even the faint scar across his lips just makes this man even more hotter.

“i’m sorry to hear that, sweetheart. sounds to me like he’s a straight jerk, yeah?” he says with a small smile. seeing you nod as a reply. gaze isn’t moving from his. “don’t cry over him, i bet he doesn’t deserve a beautiful girl like you”

your cheeks warm at that, eyes dropping to your lap just so he won’t notice how nervous he makes you feel by that comment. however, his finger moves underneath your chin to get you to look back at him again. his thumb grazing against your soft skin,

“want me to beat his ass for you? because i will, just lead the way”

you can’t help but giggle at his offer, and it makes toji’s heart skip a beat at the beautiful sound. his lips stretch into a bigger smile when he sees you like that.

“atta girl. there she is” he chuckles, “how old are you, baby?”

“i’m twenty one”

toji mutters out a soft ‘fuck’ which earns a confused frown from you. he’s almost twice your age. “you need a ride back to the party? i promise i’m not a creep or anything. just can’t stand at the thought of you walking back alone. something bad could happen, you know?”

“i would like that very much sir, thank you” a smile pulls upon your pink glossy lips, fingers fiddling with each other,

toji finds you to be endearing, adorable and pretty when you look at him like that. it has been too long since someone makes his heart ponder like this, and all you had to do was just smile at him with a gummy packet in your hand.

“call me toji, sweetheart—c’mere. up you get” he moves the sixpack towards his left hand as the other grabs yours, helping you up on your feet. “but before that, i think you need to get better food in your system. we’ll stop by at something, yeah?”

you nod quickly, slipping your feet back into the heels with a wide smile not leaving your face. “okay!”

with that, toji smiles back at you before putting his hand on your back, guiding you towards his car.

-

will expand because in this au toji is a rich ass man and ready to give him everything for his soon to be baby <3

(look what you made me do @tojisun )

[vlrspace]

promise me, you belong to me

okkotsu yuuta x reader

contains. nsfw/mdni!!, implied yandere! yuuta, possessive! yuuta, unhealthy-ish relationship, petnames (angel, baby), yuuta and reader are in their fourth year, all characters are 18+, no actual smut but it’s heavily suggestive, this is short

notes. yandere! yuuta keeps taking over my mind, help 🫠

“did you have fun today with megumi?”

the question makes you drop your pen onto the table, spinning yourself towards yuuta with wide eyes. your boyfriend sits on the edge of your bed, legs spread as he leans back on his hands, dark blue eyes looking at you with adoration.

“jesus, when did you come in?” you’re a little startled as you ask the black haired male, a hand coming up to your chest, feeling your heart beating rapidly.

yuuta only chuckles before responding with a cheerful smile, though his eyes are far from that. “what, am i not allowed to see my girlfriend?” his tone is gentle, but there’s a slight layer of tension laced within his words.

“that’s not what i meant, you know that” you shake your head, the bottom of your glossy lips are jutting out a bit and your brows furrowing. your boyfriend’s smile disappears at your facial expression and you turn back to your table with a sigh, switching off the lamp near you before you slowly walk towards him.

you come to a stand between his spread legs, placing both hands on his shoulders, rubbing it tenderly while he gazes up at you. yuuta’s hands instinctively find their place on the back of your thighs, just below your ass cheeks and a grin stretches across his face. those blue eyes of his are unsettlingly darker than usual.

yet he still makes you feel safe, his touch on your bare skin is warm, fingers grazing your skin carefully, steadily making their way under your shorts. it shouldn’t have been a surprise when he grabbed a handful of your ass, but you couldn’t stop the breathy yelp leaving your lips. you’re glad you’re holding onto his shoulders, your knees are getting weaker as he looks at you so lovingly, in contrast to his harsh actions.

“you haven’t answered my question yet” yuuta reminds you lowly, eyes flickering with a sign of warning as his hands start rubbing your cheeks to soothe the ache he caused.

“we always train together and you always let me win. i wanted a little challenge to improve my skills” you answer quietly, fingers massaging his shoulders and you focus on the way his muscles tense under your hands. you can’t look at him any longer, not when he’s watching you like a hawk.

it’s better to not tell him that gojo asked you to pair up with someone else that wasn’t yuuta. gojo knows that yuuta’s abilities are excellent, he makes a good teacher, but yuuta wants to avoid you getting hurt and that won’t be handy during a fight where he’s not by your side.

you know that gojo is right, but you also knew that yuuta would get jealous and possessive of you the second he sees you, it happened before on many occasions.

you spent an afternoon with inumaki and itadori in the common room, while yuuta was away on a mission. he didn’t like seeing you sitting between the two boys, excitedly playing some game on the tv even if you were wearing his clothes. one of the hickeys he left on a visible spot on your neck took an awfully long while to fade.

you have to decline most missions with ino and nanami too because yuuta can take teenage boys hanging around you, but older men are a different level (not that he couldn’t beat them in a fight). yuuta made that clear by ruining you the night before your mission, leaving your muscles sore, throat dry and body covered in marks all over. it leads to you sleeping in (yuuta turns off your alarm) and you can barely function throughout the day, deemed useless to go on a mission.

“you can improve yourself with me too, i don’t see why you had to pair yourself up with megumi” yuuta speaks, words dripping with venom and you feel his hands leaving your ass and instead, he places them on your hips, thumbs slipping into the hem of your shorts. “look at me angel” it’s firm, the way he demands your attention on him and you oblige, not wanting to anger him.

yuuta’s gaze is predatory, it makes you bite your lips and you feel him slip your shorts down before pulling down onto his lap. one of his hands come up to your face, brushing his fingers against your skin and you instantly lean into his hold when he cups cheek. yuuta looks at you expectantly and you return his actions with both hands, leaning close to him.

“i’m sorry yuuta, i’ll choose you next time, every time” you whisper against his lips before pressing your lips together. “i’m only yours”your words are mashed between kisses, but yuuta gives you an approving hum, licking your bottom lip and you let him slip his tongue into your mouth eagerly.

yuuta’s hand move from your face to your neck, closing his fingers around your throat but he doesn’t squeeze it and continues to assault your mouth with his. you fist his black hair, pulling him closer to you and you moan into the kiss when you feel his other hand pinching your clit through your panties.

“you promise right, baby?” he mumbles against your lips, ducking his head lower to kiss, suck and bite the skin there. you already know you’ll be littered with love bites by tomorrow morning.

“yes, yes i promise yuu” you frantically nod and he leaves your neck and offers you a grin before laying you down on your bed. he kneels above you as he takes off his shirt and presses a quick peck on your lips. yuuta hovers over your panties, sucking your clit through the cloth, holding you down by your hips. it makes you trash and whine, lacing a hand with his.

“no one else gets to have your pussy, only me. fucking remember that” yuuta grumbles against the material, eyeing your reaction but ends up chuckling when you lift your hips up in a needy manner and he slides your underwear down.

yuuta knows he has nothing to worry about, you’re such an eager little thing, putty in his hands when he pushes the right buttons. but you’re also so delicate and beautiful, he knows that, sadly so does everyone else. yuuta fears someone might take you away from him because of that, yet when you’re so wanting and yearning for him to touch you where you need him the most, he remembers he has nothing to be afraid of. only yuuta knows how to please you and make you come undone just the way you like. it makes him love you so much more, you’ll always give yourself to him like this and let him do however he pleases.

why would you want anyone else, when he’s right here? you belong to him anyways.

@/vlrspace, 2024

[maokomi]

⠀「 “Dress slutty babe, I can fight,” but can they really? *ೃ༄ 」 

ᥫ᭡ Reblogs are greatly appreciated !!

.ೃ࿔*:･「𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐬.」 modern au, gn reader, established relationship crack ?? This shit aint serious so don’t treat it like it is lmfao

.ೃ࿔*:･「𝐟𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠.」 Xiao, Kazuha, Zhongli, Kaeya, Kaveh, Cyno

Wrote this drunk, no editing, no looking back at my regrets last night. What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. 

⠀「 XIAO*ೃ༄ 」

YOU BET UR ASS THIS MAN CAN FIGHT

Tells u to dress slutty with his whole chest !!!

Wear whatever you want to feel good about yourself and to feel comfortable. That’s all that Xiao cares abt tbh. 

If he sees anyone leering at you in your hot outfit though? His munchkin ass is on them in a heartbeat.

Doesn’t matter who. Doesn’t matter how tall they are. He’ll bark up at them like a chihuahua. Scale them like a fuckin rabid cat or smthn.

Xiao said he can fight and he will !!!!!

⠀「 KAZUHA*ೃ༄ 」

Compliments you in your sluttiest outfit !! Hell, mans helps you pick it out!! 

CAN FIGHT Can !! Beat !! Ass !!

Except he chooses not to 😌 because he is a lover💞💕 not 🙅‍♂️🚫 a fighter ☮️🕊✌️😌

But he makes it very very very clear to anyone and everyone who so much glances in ur general direction that !! HELLO HE IS UR MAN

Holds ur hand. Keeps an arm around your middle. Plays with ur hair. The whole shebang baby

But if someone grows the gonads to actually approach you while Kazuha is so blatantly flirting with u right then and there ?? 

Kazuha doesn’t even have to get up.

He fucking ROASTS the motherfucker alive. All cool and suave. Keeps his voice level while he tells the newcomer all the reasons why their parents are disappointed in them.

Kazuha fucking cooks them bro I dont know what to tell u Rest In Peace to that dumbass I guess

⠀「 ZHONGLI*ೃ༄ 」

Bold of anyone to think they can steal u from a man who walks in with this much rizz 🤨

Zhongli wears a whole ass custom Valentino suit & shoes to go to a club no way in hell is anyone gonna try to chat u up baby doesn’t matter how slutty u dress

Esp when ?? Ur slutty outfit matches Zhongli’s fit ? Absolute power couple I rest my case

Sugar daddy Zhongli supremacy I said what I said

I restate my point: No one is gonna think they have a chance against Zhongli. They’re all scared they’ll get murked on their way home if they so much as try. 

Kinda soft but they fr dont even have a chance bc Zhongli just has to compliment u and u light up like an actual Christmas tree, you get so goddamn happy that anyone even trying to fight him is already fighting a losing battle.

⠀「 KAEYA*ೃ༄ 」

Baby, bold of u to assume that Kaeya’s not gonna be dressed sluttier than u 🤨

Hate to break it to you buttercup but Kaeya’s not gonna be the one royal rumbling tonight— nu uh, that’s you.

Have you seen the titty window this man rocks? 

Skip the accessories whenever you go out Kaeya, because you are going to beat some ass, and earrings and necklaces only get in the way 💕

It’s tiring having to keep everyone’s eyes off of ur boyfriend but it’s okay because whenever you go to the bar for a quick time out, Kaeya always has a kiss and a drink ready for u before u go back to fucking people up <3

⠀「 KAVEH*ೃ༄ 」

I love him but you’re on your own honey

Claims that he’ll kick ass— that you can wear whateverrr you want, that you look so hot, that you look amazing and that he’ll fight anyone who comes near u

Hypes you up and hollers and makes u feel like a million bucks because he’s a good, supportive bf

But in the midst of it all you forget he’s some broke ass architect who probably hasn’t taken a solid punch in his life

When someone approaches u he puffs up his chest and stands in front of u with his most intense bitch face, says smthn that he thinks tough guys says like, ‘you wanna fight? Let’s fight.’ Or some cheesy shit like that

The moment the other dude swings tho its over 💀 Kaveh yells and has to hide behind you 

It’s okay tho because he’s cute <3 (even if he’s broke)

Hope you didn’t wear anything breakable baby bc youre the one who’s gotta fight for urself

⠀「 CYNO*ೃ༄ 」

Doesn’t even have to fight bro.

Doesn’t matter how slutty you dress— you could walk into a bar with just the bare minimum on and no one would look your way.

Not because you’re unattractive, because that is far from the truth.

No— it’s because of Cyno’s arm wrapped around your shoulder and the absolute death stare he gives anyone who looks your way with even a hint of lechery in their gaze.

Crazy shit, I tell you. Motherfucker’s eyes look like he’ll pounce on anyone who so much as wolf whistles your way. No one wants to get fucked up by a dude who looks like he’ll go blue eyes white dragon on their ass.

[imyourbratzdoll]

I crave a good fluffy fic with wolverine, his wife is a badass and when someone threatens him she loses her shit and kicks their ass🫡 with so much disrespect.

hey baby, I'm so sorry for taking so long! I hope you enjoy what I did, it's a bit more violent than you probably wanted.

summary - a dumb 'bad guy' lures you and your husband out, things take an escalated turn when he threatens your husband.

warning - SUPER violent, like extreme level probably, swearing, mentions of sex, dude talks of touching what's his but nothing triggering, dick and balls suffer rip.

18+ only please, the gif I use isn't mine, divider by @newlips

You couldn’t believe this guy, he was really threatening your husband right in front of you. Thinking he was all tough because he could throw fire or some shit? You didn’t know what he could do, except talk a lot of shit. That was probably his power. What was his name again? Captain Talks Shit? Shits A lot? Little Fucker? Who cares, all you care about right now is that he’s threatening your man. 

You walk out of the shadows, having heard enough because honestly. Why do the bad guys always talk for so long? Have none of them realised or picked up from past bad guys mistakes? It was tiring and a waste of your time because you and Logan could’ve been gone by now, screwing each other silly, probably somewhere extremely risky. But, noooo. You had to listen to this jackass.

“Listen, dick licker. If you don’t stop threatening my fucking husband. I’m going to rip your arm off and beat you with it.” You growl, moving to stand in front of Logan. (Sure, he would have protected himself and it may look weak to the other guy that a woman is standing in front of an extremely large man, in more ways than one, wink wink. But you happen to know that this turns your husband on and who are you to deny him his fantasies?)

“Is that a threat?” Captain Dipshit sneers.

“Did it sound like a fucking compliment, Princess?” You watch as he eyes you, sizing you up and in his mind he’s probably thinking ‘yeah, I can take this chick.’ You hope his ego deflates before you kill him.

“Listen, Babe. This is between us men, now why don’t you run along and go make us a sandwich or something. Maybe put on some cute lingerie and wait for me in the bedroom ‘cause once I’m done with your husband here. You’ll be creamin’ around me.”

Logan shakes his head, stepping way back. He remembered when he accidentally said something similar and he was in a coma for a whole month, not even his fast healing could help him. 

It was like a switch turning on, the beast that lived within you had been released from its cage and not even God could save this man now. You stalked towards him, he still smirked thinking he was safe. You jump, wrapping your legs around his neck and twisting, bringing him down using a move your good friend Natasha had taught you. You move swiftly while he is down, sending a harsh kick to his face, hearing the satisfying crack of his nose and possibly jaw breaking. You grab him by his hair and lift him, a large grin covering your face as you bring him eye level with you. 

“You wanna repeat that, Princess?” You bring him closer, whispering in his ear. “How bout you go make me a sandwich, put on a cute set and I’ll bash your dick in with a baseball bat. How do ya like the sound of that? Cause I love it.” 

He struggles within your grip, trying to swing at you but with your other hand that isn’t gripping his hair. You snap his arms, relishing in the sound of bones breaking. His screams echo the warehouse, dumbarse had lured us in here without a backup plan or backup. 

You let go of your grip on his hair, immediately switching to gripping his throat instead. “You don’t like my plan, Princess? Rethinking the whole thing? Cause ya already pissed me off by threatening the man I love, but then you had the balls to say THAT? Tell me, Princess. Just between us girls. Did mummy not give you any hugs as a kid? Cause how did you think this was gonna go? You could’ve ‘killed’ the Wolverine, but he wouldn’t have stayed dead. No. But if he heard you touching me, touching what’s HIS. He would’ve torn you to shreds, but slowly. Very slowly. It’s what makes me love him.” You pat the man’s cheek, grinning as he winces. 

“How bout an apology and I won’t kill you.”

“F–fuck you.” He spits at you, SPITS. Not even clear fucking spit, this shit has blood in it. You lift your hand, wiping the spit with the back of it and then onto his clothes. 

Your face screwed up. “Well, that was stupid.” With quick movements, you throw him, watching him crash into a wall so hard that it leaves a dent. Your hand reaches out and a bat flies into it. “You’re not wearing that cute set and I don’t have a sandwich, but this will do.” He tries to shuffle away, his eyes wide. You stalk toward him and swing, smashing his dick and balls with one hit. Think Superman merged with Hulk strength, how do you think his twig and berries did?

A scream rips out of his mouth before his eyes roll back and he falls backwards. You frown and poke him with your bat. “Hey mista, you dead?” You look at Logan, “Bitch passed out.” He shakes his head at the pout on your lips. 

He walks over and places a kiss on your head, “C’mon, let’s go home now or better yet. You ready to do something real risky, Sweets.” Your eyes light up.

“Do you mean…?!”

Logan nods, smirking. “I’ll finally let you fuck me while I drive.” Your squeals escape as you jump into his arms, smothering his face with kisses.

“OH THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU! You’re the best husband a woman could ask for!” And with that, Logan carries you out as you stare at him dreamily.

thank you for reading!

feedback and reblogs are greatly appreciated.

[colonelarr0w]

HII!! I saw you had your requests open for jjk, so can i request a megumi fic with a reader who went to the same middle school as him but was being bullied? And thats why megumi would always get in fights? Thank you!! ❤️

Sypnosis - Contrary to popular belief, there were very few things in the world that Megumi liked. One of those things happened to be you.

Warning(s) - canon JJK violence, mature themes, foul language, Megumi is a little shit, insecurities

A/N - Casually making this fic follow the "I hate everyone but you" trope, don't mind me.

! PIECE BEGINS UNDERNEATH THE CUT !

Groaning lightly, you continue to hold the ice pack over your blackened eye per the nurse's request. The cold does little to help with the dull pain, but considering that it was your fifth black eye that month, there was really nothing else that the nurse could do. She was sick of seeing you so often anyway. 

You shift uncomfortably in the too-small seat of the nurse's office, looking around at the two other students that sit in the office with you. Neither of them make eye contact with you – not that it bothers you in the slightest.  

Still lost in thought, you adjust the ice pack against your eye, feeling the skin beneath it slowly going numb at the cold sensation. It feels soothing enough, and it helps in distracting you from the dull ache that your black eye gives off.  

Your ears perk at the sound of the door to the office opening, expecting it to be another student looking for a remedy for some injury or a pass to skip their next class. But it’s neither of the two; it’s Megumi. 

“Fushiguro?” you ask with a perk of your eyebrow, eyeing him curiously as he crosses the room to you. His hands reach out, ripping the ice pack away from your eye. “Hey-!” 

“Stupid ass,” he mutters, inspecting your injury with his lip curled upward. His other hand holds your cheek, tilting your head left and right — likely inspecting to see if you had sustained any other injuries.  

“Nice to see you too,” you mutter sarcastically, rolling your eyes as Megumi places the ice pack against your eye again. You hiss at the sudden cold, and for a moment you can see a flicker of regret over Megumi’s expression.  

He ignores your sarcastic quip, turning his body halfway and dragging an empty seat behind him, lowering himself into it.  

“What happened this time?” he asks you, his voice low so that none of the other students in the office can overhear.  

“Nothin’, just some guys — you know how it is,” you answer truthfully, adjusting the ice pack. You can feel it already melting against your face — you’d have to change it in a little bit. 

Megumi lets out a small “tch”, his eyes glazing over with an anger that you were all too familiar with. You already knew what he was planning — or rather, who he was planning to beat within an inch of their life.  

“I’m gonna-“ 

“Can you not this time?” you cut him off. His gaze flickers to yours, stunned at your sudden boldness.  

“What?” You almost laugh at how genuinely confused he sounds, but you keep that same stern look on your face. You didn’t want to be the reason why someone went home with a broken nose — or worse.  

“I said, can you not this time? I don’t wanna be targeted again because you decided to thrash someone’s face in,” you explain, trying to keep your tone as level as possible. Megumi only stares back at you, looking at you as if you had suddenly sprouted another head.  

“I — was just trying to protect you,” he murmurs, already feeling an unfamiliar heat rise to his cheeks.  

With another roll of your eyes, you reach a hand out, placing it on top of his head and smiling at him. His eyebrows pinch together in confusion. 

“And I appreciate it. But it gets you in trouble,” you remind him. Now it’s his turn to roll his eyes, but oddly enough, he also smiles. 

“Yeah, yeah. But are you okay?” 

You nod, smiling and removing the ice pack from your eye. He winces at the sight of it, but he doesn’t comment. 

“I’m fine. You’re here now, aren’t you?” 

The tips of his ears burn pink — but you would never say anything about it. Your odd little protector. 

[slayfics]

You paint Denki’s nails.

800 words~

You carefully stroked the brush across your nails, ensuring to lay down an even level of paint.

“Man, that’s a strong smell,” Denki said, walking up to sit next to you on the couch.

“Oh sorry, I guess I could move to my dorm,” you said, placing the nail polish brush back in the bottle.

“No it’s fine- by all means continue cutie~” he said, in his usual flirty tone.

You rolled your eyes and continued to paint your nails.

“Hey, what’s that look for?” He asked defensively.

“Nothing little Pichu,” you said, continuing to paint and not looking up at him. You didn’t exactly mind Denki’s casual flirting, but it did irritate you that he flirted with anything that moved. You found it impossible to take any of his compliments seriously when he tossed them around so casually to anyone.

“Pichu? What happened to Pikachu, hm?” He asked, making himself comfortable on the couch.

“Pichu fits you better. He also hurts himself when he uses his electricity,” you said laughing.

“Ouch! Ok, you got me, but I’m working on it! I don’t fry my brain as much as I used to anymore!” Denki said, defending himself.

"I know I know, you've been working really hard," You agreed as you finished up with your nails. "Hey, let me do yours." You offered.

"What?! Paint my nails?" He asked, looking at you with a confused expression.

"Yeah come on, girls love a guy with painted nails. It'll help you," You said teasingly at him.

"Hmm, alright go ahead then. Besides, I'll take any excuse for a cutie to be close to me," He said laughing and sticking out his hands for you.

You playfully hit him on the shoulder for his remark.

"Hey!" He laughed, "You're being extra feisty today."

"You deserved it!" You said searching your bag to choose colors for him. "Hmmm- how about yellow and black? Maybe- your index and ring finger yellow then the rest black? That's pretty spicy I think."

"Sure I trust your judgment," he said, shrugging his shoulders.

You untwisted the cap of the nail polish and pulled his index finger closer to you. Denki watched as you carefully painted even strokes of color onto his nails. His heart beat just a little fast at how close you were to him.

"Wow, ok, I see your vision now. This is looking pretty cool. And~ since you're handing out tips~ what else do you think would help me with the ladies?" He asked, tilting his head as he watched you switch to the black nail polish.

"Be more picky," You said plainly as you continued to paint.

"Hm? What do you mean?" He asked.

"You flirt with everyone Kaminari, and everyone knows it- no girl wants that," You explained. "Girls like to feel special. They don't want to be with someone they think would just date anyone. They have to feel like you mean it when you say you like them or call them cute. So, stick to flirting with one girl. Maybe you'll have better luck that way."

"Ohh- Ok, I think I get what you're saying," Denki responded and looked solemn for a moment as he processed your words.

You two sat in silence for a few moments as you began painting his next hand.

"Hey- do... Do you want to go to the arcade tomorrow?" Denki asked, his voice sounding unusually unsure.

"Sure, you gonna kick Kirishima's ass at Mortal Kombat again?"

Denki laughed, "Always! But um- no... I meant... Do you want to go to the arcade... with just me?" He clarified.

You paused painting his nails and looked up at him, "What?" You exclaimed surprised by his question.

"Well- you just told me I should focus on one girl and... If I'm being honest- you're the one I think about all the time. I'm not just saying flirty stuff to be charming or something- I... I mean it with you," He explained, as he searched your dumbfounded expression desperate for an answer.

You felt like your whole body was paralyzed. Was Denki being serious? All those times he flirted with you- he wasn't just joking? Did he really mean everything he said?

Your cheeks warmed up the more you processed his words.

Denki began to panic at your silence, "Oh man, you can totally forget everything I just said if I made this weird. I don't want to ruin our friendship or anything!"

"No! It's not that- I... I uh... yeah- let's go to the arcade tomorrow. Just you and me," You said, your blush deepening as you went back to eyeing his fingers to avoid his gaze. It was suddenly hard to look him in the eyes now.

"Yeah? You want to?!" He exclaimed excitedly. "Ok! It's a date then."

Tags: @unofficialmuilover @maddietries @fiannee

[bunnyteetharry]

Smart Girl

summary: harry comes and helps you during exam week at college with a happy twist

warnings: none?

pairing: fwb to lovers! + hockey player!arry (college based)

————⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚⋆ ˚｡⋆ —————⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚⋆ ˚｡⋆ —————⋆ ˚｡⋆

“No”

“I didn’t even say anything yet”

“Harry….”

The person who you were trying to avoid this whole week was leaning against your dorm room door frame with a huge smirk across his face

and his pretty dimples out in the open

You groaned and rolled your eyes “I already know what you want, and it’s not gonna be with me tonight. Go find some other girl to fuck, i on the other hand am busy”. He hummed crossing his arms giving you that oh so deceiving look with his eyes. “Busy with what exactly” you opened your door more widely to point across the room to your bed that is littered with text books and flash cards, highlights scattered on the floor from you stress throwing and your trash can filled to the brim with paper balls.

“I can help” he smiled widely “And what’s your idea of helping? Sitting there and looking pretty?” His eyebrow rose “You think I’m pretty?” his smirk was bigger than ever “Are you gonna help or not because I have a big exam this week and I’m not gonna let anything distract me from it, especially you” his smirk faded into a more serious expression and walked into your room, setting his bag on the floor and flopping onto your bed, patting the spot next to him “Well, aren’t you going to study” rolling your eyes you shut the door behind you

this was going to be an eventful night

As surprising as it seems, Harry was actually the most helpful, didn’t even crack a sex joke in the past hour, which would immediately earn him a gold star in your book. “Another correct! see, you’re going to ace this” you gripped your hair roughly “But what if I don’t, what if all of this becomes pointless by the end of the day, what if I choke and waste time, and what if-“ the feeling of soft lips hits your quickly, with Harry’s hand wrapped around your neck “Stop over thinking this….you’re gonna do great, you’re my smart girl” his voice was soft, Harry’s voice has different levels, in the matter of different situations yet he always was like this with you, never lying to get this end of the bargain, always bringing you snacks after the end of your classes to make sure your well nourished, filling up your water bottle up even when it’s halfway.

You didn’t understand what was going on between the two of you, neither did he. But ever since 5 months ago, he’s been following you around like a puppy dog at you beck and call, being named the campus play boy he’s quite the opposite once you get to know him

Smart girl. That’s what he’s been calling you since your first met in English class, at first you though he was just another jock who needed help with his work and you’d be paid off to get it done for him but once you were assigned as partners for a project, you met another side of him not many get to see, not even his hockey team mates.

You slowly started hooking up 3 months in, what became weird was the looks you’ve been getting

why would anyone like him be with someone like you, with the pressure of not being good enough and exam week beating your ass, you couldn’t face him anymore

“Why have you been dodging me like the plague” you lips parted them quickly shut, not willing to give him a full answer “I can’t Harry” you sighed not even daring to meet his eyes. His hands went up to your face, moving it to where you can face him “Talk to me” those eyes….always getting you every time.

“I don’t know how to live up to your level, you’re so close to going pro, you were raised up in the suburbs, never having to worry about the things where I’m-“ his thumb crossed over your lips “You’re perfect, that’s what you are. You’re enough, doesn’t matter what people say, you’re it for me. Once you’re my girl officially, you won’t have to worry about a thing, I’ll take care of you.” He brought you in closer, nudging your noses together “Harry” he hummed “What my love, hmm?” you peppered kisses softly all over his cheeks “Is this your way of telling me you like me?” He laughed lowly “Was bringing you snacks after class, checking up on you when you’re having a bad day, bringing you coffee every morning and dodging every girl on this campus to rush over here to fuck you not enough to tell you that I’m obsessed with you?” you shrugged and joke “Mm I don’t know, you probably say that to all your other hook ups” he hummed and nodded

“I haven’t been with anyone else but you since the day we met” you smiled looking down and messed with your cuticles “Not me, Me and Niall…damn does that guy know how to-ow!” Harry pinched you “That’s not funny” you smiled laughing almost out of breathe “Mm it was pretty funny, especially seeing you already planning in your head on how to murder Niall”

He kissed you deeply with a strong grip on your waist and neck “Mine, My smart girl” he grumbled between kisses, you giggled brushing his cheek with the pad of your thumb softly “M’yours Harry”

“Good, now that that’s settled let’s go get something to eat” he smacked your ass as you both got off the bed “I need to eat before I fuck you” you scoffed and laughed “And you just decided that on your own just now” you picked up your bag, putting it over your shoulder “Mhm” he grabbed his keys and motioned you out the door.

a/n: got a little sloppy towards the end cause I was running out of ideas but overall I’m happy with the outcome! hope you enjoyed as well <33

[heavyhitterheaux]

When Four Makes Five

First Babies of Private Garden Fic

AN: I don't want anyone to get confused, so they didn't find out that there were two boys until later

Synopsis: You break the news to your ten year old triplets and six year old daughter that the family is about to get a little bigger. However, one of them isn't excited as the rest

Pairing: Husband!Jack Harlow x Wife!Reader

Requested by: an anon 💕

First Babies of Private Garden Masterlist

Please Do Not Repost My Content Anywhere

"Smush, I'm nervous." You told him as you were playing with your curly ponytail as you sat on his lap. You had kept the secret for as long as possible and you knew that it was only a matter of time before they started to notice.

Jack looked over at you and sighed. He knew you were nervous and for good reason. The two of you were about to tell your four older children that they were about to have another sibling, but that wasn't the problem.

The problem was the gender of said child.

It was a boy and both of you knew that Axel was about to be upset since now he wasn't going to be the only boy anymore.

However, the two of you were extremely excited to grow your family and to give them another sibling.

"Maybe he's going to take it better than we think." Jack tried to reason with you, but all you did was shake your head.

"Babe, be serious. You know how he is and I just…. I don't know."

Axel frequently made comments about being the only boy, hence, being the favorite child out of the four, but the two of you would constantly tell him that you didn’t have favorites among them and that they’re loved by the both of you equally. 

"He was excited when Nova was born and was excited to be a big brother again."

"Uh huh and Nova's a girl." 

"Good point. But the last thing he would ever want to do is upset you. He's always ready to beat someone's ass when it comes to you, including me, his own father." Jack replied as he scrunched up his face. 

You couldn't help but to laugh because you knew Jack was right. That’s simply how he was and you knew that he had gotten it from Jack being that he was protective over you and over his sisters.  

"It'll be fine, baby girl. Stop worrying about it." Jack comforted you before leaning over to kiss you which you gladly accepted.

"We can tell them at dinner. I'm about to go and pick them up from school, okay?"

"Okay." You quietly said before sliding off of Jack’s lap so that he could stand up.

"It's going to be okay. It'll probably go better than we think it will."

Jack gave you one last kiss before leaving the house and you simply sat down in your room for fifteen minutes staring at the wall. You had a gut feeling that this wasn't going to go over well at all, but only time will tell.

You were in the kitchen starting to make dinner when you heard the front door open and several sets of footsteps enter the house. You were startled when you felt someone come up behind you and hug you, but you already knew that it was Axel.

“Ax, is that you?” You said while cutting up onions and peppers for the fajitas that you were going to make.

All you heard was his small laugh and you turned around to see him looking up at you.

“Hi mommy.”

“Hi, my sweet baby, how was your day at school?” You asked while squatting down to his level and he gave you a proper hug.

“Good, I got to play soccer at recess.”

“Did you now? What else did you do?”

“Hmm, bother my sisters.”

“I……”

“MOMMY! AXEL GOT TO HOLD THE CLASS HAMSTER AND CHASED ME AROUND THE CLASSROOM WITH IT!”

“Hi to you too, Ivy.” You laughed while you stood up and she came over to you while she was eyeing Axel.

“IT’S JUST A HAMSTER!”

“THEY’RE WEIRD AND I DON’T LIKE THEM!”

“Funny how the two of you are arguing over a hamster when we literally have thirteen pets, but go off.” Jack muttered while Autumn and Nova filed in behind him.

“They don’t even do anything, but yet you don’t like them?” You asked her and she immediately shook her head no.

“Babe…” You started to say as you looked at Jack, but his eyes went wide and looked at you in disbelief.

“NO. NO MORE PETS. WE ALREADY LIVE IN A ZOO.”

“Boo, you’re no fun.” You answered him while pouting before turning back towards the stove.

“Okay, I know the four of you have homework so let’s go and get that done.” Jack said to the four of them and they collectively sighed.

“I finished mine in class, daddy.” Ivy said while smiling and he knew that she was probably telling the truth. All four of them were extremely smart, but you knew that Ivy would probably be the one to take advanced classes since she was the first one to learn the alphabet, her numbers, and to talk in full sentences.

“Then let me look over it to make sure you did it right while mommy makes dinner.”

“Can I do my homework at the table to stay with her?”

“Why of course you can Ax.”

You were soaking all of this up now because you knew it was only a matter of time before all hell broke loose. But maybe it would actually go better than you thought, so you put it in the back of your mind and tried to keep a positive attitude. 

You had made your salted caramel chocolate cake for dessert after everyone had eaten their fajitas and once you placed it on the table, all four of your children were eyeing you because they knew that you only made that on special occasions. The last one being Nova’s birthday.

"What's the occasion, mommy?" Autumn asked as she was stuffing her face with cake and you looked at Jack who simply smiled at you.

"Me and your mom have something to tell you."

"Is it another puppy?" Nova excitedly asked.

"No, Nova. Not this time because daddy won’t let me be great and get another one." You said while laughing and she pouted while Jack rolled his eyes at you.

"Daddy bought me a new video game?" Axel asked and you shook your head no.

"Our family is about to get a little bigger." Jack said and Ivy immediately yelled.

"I'M GOING TO BE A BIG SISTER AGAIN!"

"OOHH is it a girl!?" Autumn asked while looking at the two of you and you both shook your heads no.

"Then that means…."

"It's a boy! I’ll have a little brother!" Nova exclaimed while smiling. 

The girls were excited, but Axel had been silent the entire time while looking at you and Jack.

"Ax, are you excited to be a big brother again?" Jack asked him and he didn't say anything in response which of course made you nervous. 

You knew it.

"Ax?" You said, calling him again and he immediately pushed himself away from the table.

"What's wrong bubs?" You asked as you got up to embrace him, but he pushed your hands away.

"I'M SUPPOSED TO BE THE ONLY BOY!"

"Axel…." Jack said in a warning tone but he wasn't backing down.

"NO! IT'S NOT FAIR! NOW YOU'RE GOING TO FORGET ABOUT ME."

"Ax, baby I would never." You said before reaching for him again, but he ran past you and up the stairs.

You couldn't help but for your eyes to start to water and it was now silent at the table.

"Babe, I'll go talk to him." Jack said as he got up from the table and went up the stairs.

Nova, noticing that you were upset, climbed into your lap and began to rub your belly.

"He's in there?" She asked and you nodded while wiping away the tears that had fallen and Ivy quickly grabbed a tissue to dab at your face.

“Yeah, he’s in there. Mommy is keeping him safe in her belly until he’s ready to come out. Thank you Ivy.”

“Welcome, mama.”

The child that was most in tune to your emotions was Ivy and she could see it from a mile away if you were about to get upset about something and was always the first one to comfort you if Jack didn’t get to it first.

“Do you know what you’re going to name him?” Autumn asked while trying to put you in a better mood.

“Me and daddy haven’t decided yet, but when we do, you’ll be the first ones we tell.”

“Is Ax going to be okay?” Nova quietly asked while playing with your necklace that Jack had gifted you which had his initials on it.

“He’ll come around eventually.” You answered her while shrugging.

“Well,it’s not like he really has a choice.” Ivy said only loud enough for you to hear.

“But we’re excited, mommy!”

“Now, Nova, he’s going to need a little extra help for when he’s born since there won’t be a lot that he can do for himself. Your sisters already went through this with you so they know what to expect, but mommy and daddy still love you just the same and we do not ever want you to feel like you’re not as important. And we need you to step up and be an amazing big sister to him. Do you think you can do that?”

“Yes! I want to help!”

“She says that now, but it’ll change once she hears him crying throughout the night.”

“Autumn…..”

“Sorry, mommy. Just saying.” 

“Be good and set an example for your little sister to follow.”

This was giving you flashbacks to when you brought Nova home and Autumn acted as if the world was coming to an end because she wasn’t going to be the baby anymore. Your mother offered to take her for the first few weeks, but you quickly declined saying that she needed to get used to her role of being a big sister and that you and Jack would teach her healthy ways on how to manage her emotions if she began to get frustrated with what was going on around her. 

“I will, promise.”

Jack had followed Axel upstairs to find him in his room playing one of his video games and went to sit down next to him.

“Ax, we need to talk so turn the game off.”

All he did was sigh in response before doing what he was told and looked at Jack.

“Tell me how you’re feeling right now.”

“You and mommy are going to forget about me and I won’t be the favorite boy anymore.”

“But do you think that me and mommy are going to love you any less? Because that’s not true. All of you have a special place in our heart and just because we add another person to our family doesn’t mean that the special place we have for you is going to get any smaller.”

“It’s not?”

“No, of course not. All of you are important to us and we’re thankful to be your parents.”

“I made her cry, didn’t I?” He quietly asked before starting to feel guilty.

“You did make her upset because she feels like her only son isn’t supportive of her. Isn’t she always supportive of you when you come to her and tell her something?”

“Yes.”

“And she always tells you that she wants the best for you, right?”

“Yes.”

“So, don’t you think you need to apologize to her and focus on being a good big brother once he gets here? You’ll have a very important job seeing as you’re going to be the one he looks up to. Yes, he’ll look up to his sisters too, but since you’re the only boy, that makes it extra special.”

“You promise that you won’t love me any less?”

“I promise. He’ll need a little extra attention when he gets here like Nova needed, but you’ve gone through that before. It’ll be the same thing.”

“Okay.”

“You ready to go downstairs now and eat some cake since you get to be a big brother again?” Axel eagerly nodded and hopped up off his bed and Jack followed closely behind him. Once downstairs, he walked over to you since you were sitting at the table and scrolling through your phone when Axel tapped you making you look over at him.

“Yes, bubs?”

Axel didn’t say anything and simply sat in your lap while looking at you with his big brown eyes that resembled yours.

“Mommy, I’m sorry. I promised daddy that I would be a good big brother since he promised me that the two of you wouldn’t forget about me.”

“We could never forget about our first boy.” You replied while squishing his cheeks and making him laugh.

He reached down to touch your belly and rubbed it while talking to it.

“Baby brother, this is your big brother, Ax, and I promise that we’re going to be the best of friends. I’ll teach you how to play soccer and to be a good brother to our sisters. We have to protect them and protect mommy too, because that’s what daddy taught me.”

“I already know that the two of you will be inseparable.” You told Axel while hugging him.

“Can I have some cake now? It’s not every day that you become a big brother again.”

Both you and Jack laughed before cutting him a big slice and placing it in front of him.

Since Axel was focused on eating his cake, Jack took this opportunity to lean down to whisper in your ear before kissing your temple.

“I told you it would be fine.”

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[blondeboyfriend]

𝐈'𝐌 𝐒𝐓𝐔𝐂𝐊 𝐈𝐍 𝐀 𝐓𝐑𝐄𝐄 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐈 𝐂𝐀𝐍'𝐓 𝐆𝐄𝐓 𝐃𝐎𝐖𝐍 (𝟏𝟖+)

𝐌𝐈𝐍𝐎𝐑𝐒 𝐃𝐍𝐈

[ PAIRING ] Erwin Smith x f!reader [ AUTHOR'S NOTE ] Soooo this is an oldie from 2021. I only did some light editing so if this fic has an amateur hour feel... that's because it does. [ SYNOPSIS ] A solo training session goes to shit when you get stuck in a tree. [ WORD COUNT ] 1.6k [ CONTENT ] PWP in the purest sense, stuckage, dubcon, y/n gets her ass ate, Erwin kisses you post-ass eating, dumbification (Erwin), knife play, size kink, creampie, I don't even know how this whole situation would work physically so just enjoy the ride.

“Shit!”

Launching yourself into a tree was never on your list of things you were desperate to experience. That list was reserved for things like outdrinking Moblit, slaying 100 titans unassisted, and planting a big wet kiss on your comrade Erwin. Nowhere on this hypothetical list was such a sad spectacle.

At least you were training, it's not like you were outside the walls where this would be a deadly issue. No, this was just woefully embarrassing.

“Damn.”

You tugged at your equipment and came to the crippling realization that you were totally stuck.

“You gotta be kidding me,” you muttered. “This is great. I love this for me.”

Shimmying around didn’t help and using the tree as leverage and kicking yourself backwards just slammed you back into the tree. Blood dripped from your nose as you tried to rub the pain away.

At least you were upright.

“Come on, come the fuck on,” you whined, bouncing up and down.

You were hovering just above the ground, it wouldn’t be that bad of a drop. Sure you’d bruise your ass and walk around funny for a day or two, but it beat swinging around in a tree hoping someone would come by and rescue you.

You continued to bounce but it was no use. Your harness might as well have been one with the tree.

“So… This is it. This is how I die.”

Your legs dangled in the air. You tried one last time to break the branch by bouncing, but nothing came of it.

“Everything okay over there?”

You perked up at the sound of a deep, silky voice in the distance. Erwin crested over the hill, your predicament on full display.

“Hi,” you said, waving pathetically. “I’m, uh, just hanging.”

“I can see that,” he said, making his way over to you. “Dare I ask how this happened?”

“I was training too vigorously obviously.”

He gave you a warm laugh. “I can see that. I’m sure the Commander will be proud.”

You held your hands to your cheeks with mock surprise.

“You think so?!”

Erwin smiled and patted your leg. He was eye level with your crotch. Something in his expression was unsettling. You were never great at reading Erwin, but this was a look you were completely unfamiliar with.

“I’m certain,” he said, letting his hand linger on your thigh.

You jerked your leg out of reach but you ended up swinging back towards him despite this. Erwin grabbed you by the ankle.

“You gonna help me or what? I’m getting hungry.”

You tacked on a nervous laugh and nudged him with your knee.

“I’ll help you, but there will be a price,” he said coyly.

You gulped. You just knew he was going to ask for access to your secret coffee rations.

“I keep it under my bed!” you blurted out.

Erwin raised an eyebrow and frowned. “What are you talking about?”

As you went to speak he interrupted you.

“I’ve seen the way you look at me,” he purred. “You’re not very good at hiding your feelings.”

You wriggled around, but Erwin gripped your hips holding you in place.

“Whatever. Yes, I have a crush on you. Big deal. So does everyone else.”

He chuckled. “I’m not nearly as popular as you think I am, but I appreciate that you hold me in such high regard.”

“Don’t give me that fake humble shit. Just wait and help me. We can talk about my repayment later.”

“I can’t wait.”

You gulped again. While it was true you had a sick crush on Erwin you weren’t exactly comfortable with his actions. You desperately wanted to feel the ground beneath your feet. You weren’t a fucking bird just because you had the wings of freedom on your uniform.

“Erwin, please.”

“I already told you I can’t wait.”

“Erwin. Seriously. Come on.”

“We’re through talking about this.”

Erwin took out a small utility knife and carefully slit a hole in your pants.

“Wait!”

He smirked and said calmly, “Don’t be scared.”

“You have a very sharp blade near my—”

“Hush, I know what I’m doing. Don’t you trust me?”

He spun you around so that your ass was facing him. His hands wandered down the inside of your thighs, lightly pinching the flesh. He pried apart the slit he made in your pants and ripped the hole open. As his knuckles grazed your folds you let out a quiet moan.

Your underwear were ripped apart with ease. You thought about how awkward it was going to be walking back to the barracks. There was no way you could slyly hide the gaping hole in your pants. You shook your head, trying to force the thoughts from your mind. After all, you had always wanted something like this to happen. So many nights you spent fingering yourself pretending it was Erwin’s rough hands delving into you. So many nights you moaned his name, praying no one could hear how debauched you sounded.

“Be gentle.”

“I’ll certainly try, but I can make no promises,” he said, spanking your ass with his weighty hand.

You felt Erwin’s hot breath against your cunt. He gripped your hips and pulled your ass close to his face and buried it in between your cheeks. His tongue prodded your hole.

“Whoa! Hey!”

Erwin hummed in response, you could tell he thought this was all rather hilarious.

“What would you do if someone caught us?”

“Cry. Scream. Beg for help or a piece of bread. I’m so hungry,” you whined.

“And you think I’m not?”

He continued to eat your ass, using his rough calloused hands to spread your cheeks. His nose drifted along your crack as his tongue worked its way around your hole.

“Fu—fuck. That feels so good,” you choked out.

Your hand trailed down to your crotch and you rubbed at your clit. You were overcome with pleasure. Even the potential of getting caught drove you wild. If someone were to see you like this you could have bragging rights. I mean it’s not like many people had their ass eaten by Erwin.

Erwin moaned as he undid his pants, pulling out his fully erect cock. Little pearls of precum dribbled from the tip. He stroked his cock furiously as he drove his tongue into your ass.

“Ah, shit. Erwin, f—fuck.”

Coherent thoughts were out of the question. You were thankful Erwin had his face buried in your ass so he couldn’t probe you with questions. He looked like a talker.

“Enjoying yourself?” he asked, voice dripping with ardor.

He spun you around, giving you a full view of his raging erection.

“Y—yes,” you said through gritted teeth.

You could taste your orgasm, see it over the horizon. Your hand continued to encircle your clit, picking up the pace as Erwin choked his cock with his fist. He was blushing like crazy. You had never seen Erwin look so boyish. He was practically coming apart at the seams. His flaxen hair, usually so perfect, was a mess and hung in his face. There was a level of power you felt that was pure ecstasy. You never imagined you could make your comrade feel quite like this.

“You seem to be having a good time,” you said, applying more pressure to your clit.

“Did you think I wouldn’t? Do you realize how badly I’ve wanted to do something like this with you?”

“Seriously?” you said, driving your fingers into your wet cunt.

Erwin nodded and grabbed the knife he had chucked on the ground. He swung it upwards and nicked the part of your gear that was snagged on the tree branch. He caught you with his free arm. He laid you on the ground, your body in the shadow of his.

“May I?” he asked, stroking his cock.

A quiet “mhm” was all you could get out.

He slid himself inside you and thrusted away. Your cunt welcomed his thick cock; you clenched around his length. Erwin’s name lilted off your lips.

“Keep saying my name,” he grunted, his rough thumb now gliding along your clit.

You were happy to oblige.

Erwin drove his cock further inside you, cupping your face with his free hand. He looked into your eyes; there was nothing going on in that big brain of his. He was positively fucked out as his balls slapped up against your taint.

“Er—Erwin, fuck, I’m so close.”

He pounded his cock into you; you felt as though he’d split you in two. He stroked your lip with his thumb and kissed you. His tongue dived into your mouth, rolling against yours. He moaned through the kiss as he pumped you full of his cum, slamming his cock into your cervix.

Breaking the kiss he said, “Are you gonna cum like a good girl?”

You gazed up at him starry-eyed and nodded quickly. He pressed his lips against your neck and started to suck. You wrapped your arms around him and clung to him as your orgasm crescendoed. Nothing could beat this feeling, not even killing every titan outside the walls single-handedly could compare.

You tried to catch your breath and Erwin pulled his cock out of you. He marveled at his cum leaking from your puffy, throbbing cunt. He looked so proud.

“Did you enjoy that?” he asked sheepishly.

You smiled and nodded with a level of enthusiasm you never gifted anyone.

“Yes… Maybe next time I can not be stuck in a tree…”

Erwin laughed and ran his fingers through his hair.

“Of course,” he said, panting. “Anything for you.”

He kissed your forehead and helped you up. He whipped off his cape and wrapped it around you, hiding the giant rip in your pants.

“Are you still hungry? I really do owe you dinner.”

You’d never seen your comrade like this. You were used to prim and proper Erwin who begrudgingly laughed at your dick jokes, not this embarrassed young man who was enamored with you.

“I would love that. I need bread. And maybe a nap.”

[daisynik7]

The Takada-Chan Handshake Event

Pairing: Aoi Todo x f!reader

Rating: Mature

Word Count: ~3.5k

cw: explicit language, suggestive dialogue, switch POVs (reader is in 2nd person, Todo is in 3rd)

Summary: Takada-Chan’s first Handshake Event of the summer goes better and worse than you expect.  

Author's Notes: Here’s Chapter 2! Thank you everyone who has supported this series so far. Likes, reblogs, and/or comments are always appreciated, would love to hear what y’all think so far of the story! Thank you for reading! Divider credit to @/saradika.

Previous Chapter | Masterlist | Next Chapter

Two weeks after the concert, Takada-Chan hosts her first Handshake Event of the summer in a convention center twenty minutes away. It’s currently six in the morning as you stand outside the doors, a thermos full of hot coffee in one hand and a small tote bag of your belongings in another. Because of your sour experience at the concert, you plan thoroughly today, deciding to arrive at the convention center. Six hours early. 

Basic logic and reasoning are clouded by your extreme dedication to this pop idol. This is what you realize as you wait outside the building at the crack of dawn, still half asleep. The only solace you find in your current predicament is that you are first. No one can stand in front of you this time.

You packed all the essentials you need to make the next several hours pass by quickly. A small blanket to lay flat on the ground, marking your territory. The pillow to cushion your bottom from the hard pavement. Even snacks and a small bento for lunch for when you get hungry. No matter what the circumstance, you are not leaving this spot. 

Settling in comfortably into your makeshift camp, you start one of Takada-Chan’s concert specials downloaded on your phone. With no one around yet, you listen to it out loud without headphones, nodding your head along to the beat of the music. Fortunately, with Takada-Chan as a welcomed distraction, the first hour flies by. 

7 AM. Five more hours to go. There are a few people around now, walking by to kickstart their day, though no one falls in line behind you. Good. You pat yourself on the back for being here ahead of everyone else. If that’s not true dedication, you don’t know what is! You check your text messages from Sara, sending her a selfie of you holding a peace sign along with a message saying, “Early bird gets the worm!”

You don’t expect a response right away, considering she’s still asleep on a Saturday morning, like a normal person. She thinks this isn’t worth waking up at the ass-crack of dawn just to receive a handshake. In fact, her exact words to you were, “You’ve got to be out of your fucking mind.”

Maybe you are, but you don’t care. Most people have hobbies or interests they would do crazy things for. This is fun for you. You are willing to do it. Would it be nice if you had someone that shared the same level of interest you have for Takada-Chan? Sure, because you won’t have to keep dragging Sara around with you, subjecting her to your ridiculousness. While she is generally a good sport about it, you’d feel significantly less guilty if she actually liked Takada-Chan as much as you. You don’t blame her at all for not wanting to be with you right now, especially in these conditions.

At 7:30, you hear footsteps walking towards you. It’s a young man with spiky, pink hair wearing a yellow tee and blue shorts, seemingly a few years younger than you. He falls in line behind you, leaning against the wall. When you look up at him from your seated position, he gives you a friendly smile, waving. “Hello.”

You return his greeting happily. “Good morning.” 

After formal introductions, where you find out his name is Yuji Itadori, he puts his hands in his pockets and sighs. “Can’t believe you’re here earlier than me. What time did you get here?”

“6:00 AM,” you answer.

He lets out a whistle. “Dang. Dedicated fan, huh?”

You laugh as you stand up, matching him. “Yeah, I guess you could say that. The last event was completely ruined for me, so I learned from my mistakes.” 

His expression becomes curious. “What happened the last time?”

“I was at her mall concert two weeks ago. This massive guy blocked my view the entire time, refusing to move.”

He buries his face in his hand, shaking his head and chuckling. “Sounds like Todo.”

Your eyes widen, recognizing the name. “That’s him! He screamed out to her as she walked off stage! Is he really your friend?”

“Were you near the front of the stage?” After you confirm with a nod, he adds, “Yup, that was him. Oh man. Sorry, but Todo will do anything for Takada-Chan. You stood no chance at all.”

The rage from that confrontation comes surging back, still fresh and hot on your mind. You groan, frustrated. “Ugh, I can’t believe that guy is your friend! He’s such a jerk!” 

He shrugs, stating plainly, “That’s Todo. When it comes to Takada-Chan, he gets pretty crazy.”

You cross your arms over your chest, pouting. “Well, I hope I never have to see him again. Sorry, I know he’s your friend, but I can’t have another event ruined for me.”

Itadori flashes you a guilty glance, mumbling, “Well, actually…”

Suddenly, a voice booms out from the distance. “Brother! I got coffee and donuts!” Oh hell no. It’s him, the asshole! Why? Why is this happening to you? You planned today out perfectly! The giant meathead struts to his pink-haired friend, as cocky and aggravating as the first time you saw him. You turn around so your back is facing the two men behind you, desperately hoping the idiot doesn’t recognize you. In a panic, you take your phone out and text Sara:

SOS NEED BACKUP ASAP 

also, can you please bring me a donut

~~~

Todo orders two iced coffees and a half dozen classic glazed donuts from the café across the street. Today is off to a great start; he managed to convince his best friendo to wake up early and stand in line with him for Takada-Chan’s Handshake Event. This isn’t his first; in fact, he’s quite the regular at these type of events. Hopefully the idol actually remembers him this time. 

Balancing all the treats in his hands, he walks to the convention center, certain that they’ll be first in line. There’s no other fan dedicated enough to wait hours before the event starts just for a handshake. Only heloves Takada-Chan enough to do that. So, it’s a major surprise when he finds someone already ahead of Yuji, literally camped there with a blanket and pillow. 

He announces his presence, approaching Yuji to stand next to him, inspecting the person before them. In the lowest voice he can muster, he whispers, “Is this person here for the event?”

Yuji rubs the back of his neck, replying in a hushed voice, “Yeah, she’s been here since 6 AM.”

“What?!” Todo yells, completely abandoning any discretion. He glares at the woman ahead. Who is this chick? How dare she claim the first spot in line! That should be his!

He pushes past Yuji, tapping on the woman’s shoulder. “Ahem, are you in line for Takada-Chan?”

“Yes”, she responds, not moving a muscle. 

“Well, you see, I’m Takada-Chan’s #1 fan. I’ve known her since middle school. She’s actually my future wife. That being said, I think that I should be first.”

No response. She remains motionless, refusing to even glance back at him. The nerve. 

Growing impatient, he asks, “So, think we can switch?” 

Finally, she cranes her head just enough to peer at him. “Nope,” she answers, facing forward again. What. The. Fuck?! 

A little louder now, he cajoles, “Come on, don’t be like this. You’re going to deny her #1 fan his rightful spot?”

“Not my problem,” she says, venom laced in her tone. Why does this interaction sound familiar?

It all comes rushing back to him. In the same nanosecond it takes for him to imagine fake scenarios from his childhood, his mind returns to an actual memory from two weeks ago. He uttered those exact words to that short girl who was behind him at the concert. The girl who argued with him, called him an idiot and an asshole. This is the same girl. The loser. 

His rival. 

If she thinks she can compete with him in this battle to be Takada-Chan’s #1 fan, she has another thing coming. No one beats Aoi Todo in a contest. No one. And when it comes to the pop idol, there isn’t another living entity in the world that can match his devotion to her. He accepted her rejection in middle school for crying out loud, a fact that all people except Todo continue to dispute. This gal has no idea what she just got herself into. 

Through gritted teeth, Todo growls, “So it’s gonna be like this? Fine. I hope you don’t mind me singing then. I’ve been told I’m tone-deaf, but if I sing loud enough, I’m sure I’ll hit the right notes!” He starts his playlist on his phone, maximizing the volume. In his biggest voice, he begins belting the first song, Love Gem. Yuji hides behind his palms, embarrassed.

She whips around, finally meeting him face-to-face, yelling, “Oh fantastic! I love this song! I hope you don’t mind me joining in!” Her singing is even louder than Todo, which surprises him. He can admit that she carries a tune better than he could, but still, it’s annoying.

They go at it for about thirty minutes, two noisy, obnoxious adults angrily screaming Takada-Chan lyrics at each other. Todo even tries to play some underground tracks that he thought only he knew, but she perfectly recites it with a raised eyebrow, willing to accept whatever challenge he presents to her. 

Seriously, who is this chick?

~~~

It’s been a half hour long battle of attrition against the imbecile, to which you think you’ve won. Todo seems winded, strands from his neat bun coming loose, sweat beading off his forehead. It doesn’t surprise you since the guy has been straight up screaming at you for thirty minutes. 

Sara finally arrives, carrying a backpack with another small bag in hand. She approaches cautiously, ending the bizarre singing match. Todo huffs and puffs, glaring at you as you catch your own breath. “I could hear you from down the street,” she says, smirking. “Sounded like two sentient cats starring in their own musical. Imagine my disappointment finding out it’s just you two,” She passes you the bag, carrying a donut inside, as well as a water bottle she retrieves from her backpack. “Thank you,” you say, taking a swig. 

“So, what is going on here?” she asks, pointing at you, then at Todo. 

“This idiot asked me to switch spots with him even though I was here first. He thinks he deserves it, or whatever.”

Todo interrupts. “I don’t think, I know I deserve it!”

“I wasn’t talking to you, idiot!” you yell back. 

“Stop calling me an idiot!”

“Stop being an idiot then!”

Sara, once again, steps between you, intervening. “Cut it out. You are adults, act like it. You two are going to be here for the next four hours, do you really want to waste your energy bickering with each other?”

You pout, knowing she’s right. It’s difficult containing your pettiness with him; something about him really grinds your gears.

Eventually, Todo’s grimace softens, muttering a reluctant, “Fine.” 

Sara looks at you, waiting. You roll your eyes, obliging. “Fine.”

She claps her hands with a smile, as if she just solved world peace. “Alright! Now shake on it. Did you even introduce yourselves yet? Shouldn’t the top two Takada-Chan fans at least know each other’s names?”

He grunts, extending his large palm to you. You grab hold of it, surprised at how soft his skin is. The two of you shake hands slowly, stating your names, neither of you letting go. Letting go means you concede. Letting go means you lose. 

He tugs you slightly forward, whispering, “You may be first in line, but I’m still Takada-Chan’s #1 fan.” He gives you a smirk, tightening his grip on you.

Feeling bold, you clench him tighter, also pulling him closer, using all your strength to move his mountain of a body. You’re practically nose-to-nose now. “Have fun waiting in second place, behind Takada-Chan’s true #1 fan,” you retort, returning his annoying smirk with one of your own. His eye twitches, annoyed with you. Sara groans beside you while Itadori cackles, amused. 

The next couple of hours elapse normally, thanks to Sara’s presence and the distraction of the two behind you. Sara and Itadori seem to get along well as they chat with one another in line, laughing often. Todo and you stay firmly in your spots, listening to your own Takada-Chan playlists on your headphones. Occasionally you’ll exchange irked glances, arms crossed, guards still up. No matter what, you won’t let him win whatever bizarre competition you currently find yourselves in.   

More fans line up and by 11 AM, the convention center opens, workers directing you inside. By this time, Sara and Yuji leave, neither friend intending to stay for the actual event. You are led through velvet ropes until you see a small table set up in front of a black backdrop. This must be where Takada-Chan will greet people with a handshake. By 11:45 AM, you can’t help but tremble with excitement. 

Todo scoffs obnoxiously. “Something funny?” you ask, facing him. 

“For a self-proclaimed #1 fan, you make it so obvious that you’ve never been to one of these before. It’s comical,” he says, eyebrow raised at you. 

You scowl at him. “Just because this is my first one, doesn’t make me less of a fan.”

“Actually, it does. I’ve been to so many of these, I’ve lost count. The fact that you haven’t been to any, and you still stand here claiming to be #1. It’s pathetic.”

It takes all the resolve you have to keep calm. Only fifteen minutes to go. You’ve managed to last the past four hours with this asshole breathing down your neck. Don’t let him ruin it now. “You can think whatever you want. I know in my heart how much I love Takada-Chan. You can’t take that away from me,” you argue, voice wavering with animosity. 

“Love? If you think your love for Takada-Chan exceeds mine, then you’re more delusional than I initially gave you credit for.” 

He really knows how to get under your skin. Where are Sara’s brass knuckles when you need them? “Alright, I get it, you’re in love with Takada-Chan. Creep. I admit, I haven’t been to many events yet, but we all have to start somewhere. Plus, I already proved to you that I know the lyrics to all her songs, even her underground stuff. Don’t think I didn’t notice you testing me earlier.”

He lets out a barking laugh. “Yeah okay, that was impressive. But you still have a lot to learn before you can call yourself a true fan. I can teach you a few things if you want.” 

“And why would I want that?”

He leans in close, grinning, a wicked look in his eyes. “I’m a pretty good teacher,” he says in a low voice. “I’m sure there’s a lot you can learn from me.” 

Something about the way he says it is intriguing, almost enticing. You remember he is an absolutely douchebag, so the thought passes quickly. “I know everything I need to know about Takada-Chan, thank you very much.”

“Oh really?” he challenges, rapid firing questions about Takada-Chan, to which you answer perfectly. This occupies your time until you hear the other fans in the crowd start to scream. You didn’t even notice Takada-Chan walk into the room because this moron distracted you. But lo-and-behold, there she is, posing in front of the black backdrop, cute as ever. You turn away from Todo, frown literally turning upside down into the brightest smile, in awe that she’s right in front of you.

The security guard beckons you to the table. Your hands jitter with excitement as you walk towards her, stuttering, “Hi Takada-Chan!”

The pop idol smiles politely. “Hi there! Does your boyfriend want to come up with you?” 

Confused, you respond, “Huh? My boyfriend?”

She points at Todo, standing in the front now with a delighted expression on his face, gawking at Takada-Chan. You wave your hands, trying to explain. “No, no, he’s not my – ”

She cuts you off. “I just love couples! It’s rare to see female fans, but it’s even more rare to see couples! How adorable! I love it so much!” she beams, motioning to Todo. Bewildered, he slowly steps towards the table, standing beside you, blushing.

“Aw, you two are just the cutest!” She shakes both of your hands enthusiastically. From your peripheral, you can see Todo glowing, completely unaware of the context.

Takada summons one of her security guards, requesting, “Can you grab a few posters from my dressing room?” The man nods, walking to the back room. She faces you and giggles. “I wasn’t supposed to give any posters away until my next event, but I’ll make an exception for you two.” She winks, and you’re almost certain yours and Todo’s hearts will soon burst from your chests.

“Thank you so much, Takada-Chan!” you say in unison, tears in your eyes. 

“Of course! How about a Taka-Tan Beam? You have your phones ready?”

You and Todo absolutely lose it. He holds his phone out, hands trembling, actual tears rolling down his cheeks. You shuffle around your purse to retrieve your phone, also shaking, ready to record.

“Ready? Taka-Tan Beam!” she exclaims, flashing her signature pose. 

The two of you clap your hands enthusiastically, praising her. Talented, brilliant, incredible, amazing, show stopping, spectacular… 

The security guard comes back carrying posters rolled up under his arm. He hands them to the pop idol, who then gives them to you. “Thank you so much for coming!”

Todo leans forward, palms on the table. “Thank you, Takada-Chan! Thank you! Thank you!”

“Thank you, Takada-Chan!” you repeat, pulling Todo by the sleeve of his shirt to the exit with you. As you leave, he bows continuously towards the idol, who waves farewell kindly. 

Once outside, you find a bench to sit at. Todo is nearly foaming at the mouth, still unaware of what just happened. You hand him half of the posters, which he takes without looking at you.

“Taka-Tan. Beam,” he mutters in his catatonic state. His gaze is completed glazed over.

“Hey, Todo. Snap out of it,” you say, waving your hand in front of his face to get his attention. When that fails, you bop his head with one of the rolled-up posters.

“Huh?” He finally comes to, focusing on you. 

You laugh. “I can’t believe that just happened.”

“I can’t believe it either. But what was she saying exactly? I was too distracted by her beauty…” he trails off. You tap him again before he goes into a trance.

“She thought we were a couple,” you explain. 

“EH?”

“Yeah. I guess she saw us bickering in line and just assumed,” you elaborate, shrugging.

“She gave us special treatment,” Todo muses, stroking his chin, contemplating. 

What a turn of events. As much as you despise this man, being associated with him worked out the best for you in this particular instance. Takada-Chan thinks you two are a cute couple and she likes it, so much that she gave you exclusive items and extra attention. The sparkle in her eyes was mesmerizing as she performed the Taka-Tan Beam. It went better than you could have ever imagined.

Todo starts to speak, bringing you out of your reverie. “Look, I’m not that keen on Takada-Chan thinking I’m taken, especially by you. But since she can’t date right now anyways, I guess I don’t mind pretending. As long as we keep getting her attention.” 

“What are you saying? You want to pretend to be a couple?”

“Only for Takada-Chan events. Obviously.” There’s that smug look again. 

Eyebrows furrowed, you comment, “What, am I not good enough for you?”

He stands up, towering over you with a shit-eating grin on his face. “I know you’re not good enough for me.”

Hot rage tingles in your belly. What a fucking asshole. On your feet, you only come up to his chest, so you tilt your gaze up to glare at him. “You couldn’t handle me anyways, you fucking prick.” 

He leans down, his breath tickling your skin as he whispers, “I hope you don’t kiss anyone with that dirty mouth of yours.”

You get on your tippy-toes, closing the gap even more, challenging him. You swallow hard, not sure how to respond, but not afraid to back down. He holds your gaze, his mouth twitching slightly as his grins.

All of sudden, you’re very aware of how provocative this situation might look to an outsider. You feel it yourself. Whatever this angry tension is, it’s sort of… 

Okay brain, stop thinking like this. You hate this man. Despise him. Angry thoughts. Angry. 

He doesn’t relent. If you’ve learned anything about this beast the two times you’ve encountered him, he will notback down from a challenge. And knowing yourself, you won’t be able to keep up with him. But you can try. “I’d rather eat shit than be your fake girlfriend,” you hiss at him. You grab your purse and stomp off, leaving him behind. 

“Ha, then don’t expect my help at the next Takada-Chan event!” he yells out. 

As you walk to the train station, you make a promise to yourself to never interact with this oaf ever again. 

[insipid-drivel]

Southern Colloquialisms To Enrage ESL Bloggers:

I see a few posts asking international and other tumblr bloggers to supply the literal English translations to common colloquial phrases for the sake of the sheer silliness, strangeness, and outright lunacy of what happens when you take a colloquialism and take it literally (Factoid: linguists refer to this process as “Pidgin”)

But what about Southern colloquialisms from the United States that don’t even make sense in their native language? Hello! My great-great grandmother was born in a ditch outside of a mud house with mud floors in the Dust Bowl in the United States and I didn’t know I had a Southern accent until my friends in the Pacific Northwest pointed it out!

I have relatives from all along the Bible Belt, aka the “Old South” that, you know... Yeah. A few of my cousins are awesome people and we trade notes over ridiculous phrases our relatives and elders used that we never understood, but accepted on a spiritual level. Here are some I grew up with:

“Got myself a short cold.” - “I have seasonal allergies and just mowed the lawn.”

“Oh, crap and molasses!” - “I forgot something at home and we’re already almost to our destination and I don’t want to swear in front of polite company and small children.”

“Eating high on the hog tonight!” - “We’re not eating scrap cuts and offal for dinner because steaks were 2-for-1 today.”

“Hoecake” - A form of pancake or “Johnny Cake” made from corn meal instead of flour. They’re delicious.

“Catawampus” or “Cattywampus” - “I’m gonna have to wash that off the ceiling but at least it worked. It’s messy.” 

 “Piddling” and “Piddly” - Any worthless or time-wasting endeavor or result that helps no one. “This paycheck is plum piddly, hoss. Quit piddlin’ ‘round and gimme that re-GI-nal manager’s job y’all know I’m qualified for.”

“Hoss” - “Boss” that you also think could probably beat the crap out of you behind an alley for catching you cheating at pool.

“That boy’s bigger’n a brick shithouse.” - “Your physique and muscular stature is intimidating to the degree that I am complimenting you by comparing you to a solid structure everyone would regret trying to knock down.” 

“Crazier’n a shithouse rat.” - “Dude, please talk to a psychiatrist.”

“Doohickey” - Any object or concept you can’t remember the name of but need urgently. Often accompanied by aggressive hand waving in the approximate direction of said object without actually looking at it.

“Y’all better hush up back there!” - Your grandmother’s polite way of warning you she’s going to take a flyswatter to your ass if you don’t shut the fuck up in Church.

“Y’all’d’ve” - A real contraction I can’t even stop myself from using meaning “You all should/would have” and am leaving here just for the English majors out there. 

“Dude” - A completely urbanized individual who has no idea how to live or function in a rural or wild setting without technology and utilities and can’t ride a horse or milk a cow.

“Proudboy” - Oh yes, it was already a thing. In Southern slang, a “Proudboy” is a neutered male horse that still acts like he’s a badass stallion the mares will want to mate with. “Poor proudboy ain’t noticed yet, bless his heart.” 

“Bless his/hers/your heart.” -  “Because the Good Lord sure didn’t bless your head.” It’s also used as a heartfelt form of “Thank you” when someone goes out of their way to offer you a kind and thoughtful gesture. Context is important.

“Don’t let the door hit ya where the Good Lord split ya.” - “You are no longer welcome in this space and if you don’t leave now I’m literally going to slam the door on your ass.” 

“Living in high cotton” - “I have achieved fiscal success and am using a colloquial term to refer to it without considering the fact that the term originated out of slave plantations.”

“If the creek don’t rise.” - Basically “Knock on wood.” A term meaning, “I’ve prepared for everything but what I can’t prepare for or anticipate and will achieve my goal so long as it is within my power to do it.” Bonus points if you pronounce “creek” as “crick”.

 “Fixin’ to” - Another polite way of indicating you’re about to aggressively undertake a task. “I’m fixin’ to whip ya ass, son.” This is not to be confused with “Fixin’s” singular, which refers to the ingredients or catalysts required to cook or complete something that requires assembly.

“Doesn’t amount to a hill of beans.” - A hill of beans is a Southern unit of measurement for anything that remains worthless regardless of how much of it you have, much like NFTs. “Your anti-TERF ‘sources’ don’t amount to a hill of beans, proudboy.”

“(Way) Over yonder” - “It’s over there, and the number of times I repeat the word ‘way’ prior to ‘over’ is indicative of how much yonder is between you and there. Sorry, what’s a yonder? You just asked me to show you! It’s way, way over there! Bless your heart...”

“Madder than a wet hen.” - “Oops, you have reached ‘yikes’ level of pissed off. Better skedaddle!”

“Skedaddle” - “RUN AWAY FAST NOW AAAAAAAAAAAAAA”

“It’s blowin’ up a storm.” - The sensory indicators of an oncoming heavy storm or hurricane that presents with the smell of ozone, high humidity, and an abrupt drop in temperature. Yes, it’s a thing; I can also smell when a storm’s gathering and it is a distinct set of very subtle odors.

“Pretty as a peach.” - “That individual whose pronouns are irrelevant but is most commonly a woman or proud of rocking a femme aesthetic is exceptionally beautiful and I admire them.” 

“Busy as a cat on a hot tin roof.” - “We’re overburdened and understaffed to the point that I am numb to all forms of communication that don’t involve someone being on fire.”

“Aren’t you precious.” - Not a question unless it begins with “Well,”. Depending on tone, it either is a high compliment toward someone’s appearance or behavior being exceptional, or as a sarcastic response to when someone says something insulting to you. “Awww, you’re so sweet, baby sister!” vs. “That insult was just adorable.” 

“Yes Sir/Ma’am/Mx” - Also applies to “No”. Answering a question with “Sir”, “Ma’am”, or “Mx” to someone that is your age or older is just considered universally respectful in polite conversation. If a Southern person suddenly stops answering your questions with your preferred pronouns or never does at all, it probably means they have 0 respect for you. When the small niceties disappear, you’ve fucked up.

“Frunchard” - “Front yard”, the opposite of the back yard. 

“Quit being ugly.” - “Stop being an asshole.”

“He thinks the sun comes up just to hear him crow.” - “You’re so stupidly full of yourself you’d probably honestly believe the sun rises and sets just for you.”

“That dog won’t hunt.” - “I know you believe it’s a good idea, but uh... it’s not.” Also used in place of replying to a person’s excuse you know is 100% bullshit.

“Well, I declare...” - “I am about to obliquely reveal broad adjectives reflective of my emotional state or opinion about this state of affairs and you should probably prepare yourself for more nonsensical colloquialisms.”

“My eyeballs are floating.” - “I need to pee so badly it isn’t going to be an option very, very soon.”

“Can’t never could.” - “Can’t never could do nothing!” That’s... that’s literally it. I can’t elaborate any more than saying it’s a term indicating you’re feeling optimistic. 

“Give him two nickels for a dime and he’ll think he’s rich.” - “This person’s stupidity is physically painful to experience.”

“That makes me wanna slap my mama!” - “I am so impressed/pleased with that experience that we’ve circled around to domestic violence somehow.” 

“You could start an argument in an empty house.” - “Go to anger management classes.”

“Ain’t got the good sense God gave a rock.” - “I cannot fathom this level of lack of common sense and forethought and require divine intervention immediately.”

“Slicker than pig snot on a radiator.” -  “That person is the Webster’s definition of a scumbag.”

“About as useless as a screen door on a submarine.” - I think that one is pretty self-explanatory.

“There’s not a pot too crooked that a lid won’t fix.” - “There’s someone out there for everyone. Don’t give up on finding love and companionship just because you’re different.”

[anisespice]

tall fem reader?

tall fem reader!!! thanks for the request, anon :)))

hq ver.

pairing: college!tr x tall!fem!reader

warnings: mature language, MDI, suggestive language, reader mentioned in chifuyu’s but not present, mild mild mild cat-call in hanma’s - just crack overall, honestly lol feel free to let me know if i missed anything!

notes: planned to make this a whole x whoever you want type beat, BUT figured just doing a headcanon broken into different heights would be more efficient lol plus MORE CONTENT - gonna make a pt. 2 with some hq men, but for now — t.rev! :))) hope you enjoy <3 !!

tagged: @fantasycantasy , @illegalspacecow

small — ♡

When it came down to a relationship, MIKEY wasn’t shallow enough to let physical appearances stop him from pursuing someone he wanted—He liked what he liked, fuck what anybody else had to say about it. The blonde never had issue with your drastic height difference, seeing it as more of a perk than anything else. His best friend was tall, so why not his girlfriend? It just meant whenever he walked down the street, he’d look like a total badass with his two attractive beanpoles at his side.

However, a lot of the buzz on campus mostly centered around Mikey’s height rather than yours. It never bothered him, but it certainly got you tight anytime someone tried to uplift you whilst putting him down in the process.

“A shrimp like him wouldn’t know how to handle all that leg of yours, mama. Lemme take you out tonight, show you a good time with someone who’s more on your level, whaddya say?”

Barf.

Mikey would merely give them a dead-stare; unbothered king. You, on the other hand, didn’t hesitate to knock them down a size or two.

“First of all, your busted-looking ass could never be on the same level as me. Second of all, where my man lacks in height, he makes up for elsewhere, so he handles me very well, thank you. You’re probably the type to just shove it in without any sort of technique, thinking that’s enough to get a girl to finish. My man won’t bust once until I’ve came up to four times, the fuck can you offer me besides being six-foot? Hm? That’s right, not a damn thing. Remember that next time you talk shit, dirt-neck.”

Read him straight to filth. And God forbid Mikey had his gang with him anytime some scrub tried to spit game, best believe they’d dog the guy until he scurried away in humiliation. It always filled him with great adoration for you wherever you checked someone in his defense, your entire relationship giving off the same energy as that one meme with Kevin Hart’s character being protectively held by the lady. It’d been put in the groupchat a number of times just to tease the delinquent, but he’s unashamed at the fact you could easily pick his ass up. If anything, he was all for it, even requested piggy-back rides from you more often than his right-hand man—Draken’s back appreciates your sacrifice.

Now let someone try and spit game at him.

“Yeah, normally guys feel emasculated when their girlfriend’s taller than them, y’know? I’m surprised you don’t, though. No offense, [_____] just doesn’t seem like a good fit for you. I mean, must be tough to lay in the same bed, or even put her in your lap without feeling smothered or crushed. Wouldn’t it be much better to have someone a little smaller-”

“She could sit on me until my pelvis collapsed, and I would thank her. And, full offense, if I was single, still wouldn’t pick you even if you put a gun to my head. Keep my girl’s name out your mouth, you don’t deserve to breathe the same air let alone be on first name basis. Now, quit wasting my time—Do you have the notes from yesterday’s lecture or not?”

You don’t play about him. He don’t play about you. Period.

And as far as sharing a bed, cuddling or otherwise, Mikey was a sucker for being held like a damn squishmellow. Didn’t matter if you took up most of the leg space, dude would be wrapped around you like a python, so snug and warm you’d be lucky to even escape his grasp for food or the bathroom. Once he’s sleep, he’s SLEEP, and then you become the squishmellow.

“Mikey, I will be right back, turn me loose-”

“Zzzzzz…” out like a light. Drooling and everything, face smushed up against your boobs, just content. You’d think he’d been working the graveyard shift. And God forbid he ended up laying on top of you, sprawled out starfish style…you for sure weren’t going anywhere then.

Even if you expressed this dilemma after he woke up, the blonde merely yawned. “Just pick me up and carry me with you…”

“You’re smoking crack if you think I’m gonna haul your ass with me into the bathroom. I love you and all that, but we ain’t at the stage where I can comfortably use it with you in room.”

He shrugged. “Mm. Guess you don’t have to go that bad. G’night.”

“Mikey.”

“Shh, I’m sleeping…”

A gremlin. But, your gremlin. ♡

—

medium — ♡

CHIFUYU still can’t believe he bagged you, frfr.

There’d be moments where you’d catch him staring, as if he figured you’d disappear the second he took his eyes off you.

It’d get a little creepy sometimes, but it was endearing all the same. He wasn’t the shortest guy, though he wasn’t the tallest either, and standing next to you was a constant reminder of that. Not that he held any resentment toward you for it, he absolutely loved your height. However, there was always some form of insecurity that would resurface anytime someone called attention to it.

And today, his best friend and co-worker, Baji, would not only be the culprit, but an unlikely source of reassurance.

While they were stocking up inventory, the ravenette couldn’t help but notice the stool his friend was using to put a box in a particular high place. Wearing a mischievous grin, Baji pointed. “Oi. You should take that home with you. That way your girl won’t have to strain her neck when she kisses you.” He snorted, thinking he was the funniest man alive.

Normally, something that lame wouldn’t phase him, but guess today he was feeling a little more sensitive. With a grunt, the former blonde coolly spoke, “Maybe you should shut the hell up, and stock the damn shelves.”

“Whoa. What’s up your ass?” Baji furrowed his brows, walking over to lightly kick at the stool’s metal leg, making it jerk. Chifuyu sharply gasped, latching onto an empty shelf to steady himself. He exhaled, relieved, then shot a glare. But, Baji wasn’t perturbed.

Chifuyu sighed. “Nothing. I’m fine...”

“Fine my left nut. You don’t get short like that unless there’s something on your mind,” not the best way to phrase that, but at least he was genuine. Chifuyu rolled his eyes, coming down off the stool to brush past the ravenette.

“Not in the mood, alright?”

Baji was left standing there, dumbfounded.

The entire vibe had been thrown on its head, and he didn’t understand why. Awkwardly, he went back to assorting through the contents within the nearest box, bottom lip stuck out in thought as he briefly glanced at Chifuyu’s back mere feet away. It was like an itch he couldn’t scratch. He knew not to pry, but curiosity always won gold in the end. Baji replayed the conversation in his head, using his impeccable deductive reasoning to draw his own conclusions.

And then suddenly, an epiphany.

Without a hint of warning, the ravenette quickly walked over and slapped his friend in the middle of his back. Chifuyu yelped, nearly dropping the box in his hands before whipping around to fix Baji with a wide, incredulous look. “T-The hell?!”

“So. She dumped ya, huh? [Sigh] Look man, don’t beat yourself up, a lot of guys fumble the bag from time to time. If ya need a shoulder to cry on…don’t use mine, but ‘tora might let you-”

“Hah?? What are you—[_____] didn’t dump me, dumbass!”

Baji blinked. “Oh. My bad, jus’ figured that’s why you’re in your feelings.”

“And you thought the best thing to do was to hit me, then tell me to cry on someone else?” Chifuyu squinted when the arsonist gave a shrug. He sighed again, carefully setting the box down. “It’s not about [______]. Well, technically. The other day we had lunch with a few of her friends. They apparently have been dying to meet me for some time. And things were going great until…”

Chifuyu trailed off, leaving Baji in suspense.

He grunted. “‘till what? Jus’ say it, bet it isn’t even that bad-”

“They were shocked to see her with someone who barely came up to her elbows.”

Silence filled the storage room. Chifuyu continued to keep his eyes trained elsewhere while his counterpart merely stared for what felt like hours, but only seconds. And then…

“Pfft.”

Chifuyu looked up and sneered, blushing furiously as he threw a chew toy from one of the boxes at the fiend. “Hey! Don’t laugh! Do you have any idea how humiliating that is??”

Baji, to his dismay, effortless caught the toy, even squeaking it a couple times just to annoy him more. Taking a moment to collect himself, the ravenette still wore his sharp grin as he spoke through airy giggles. “So? Who cares what they have to say?”

“I do! They’re [_____]’s friends, everyone knows their approval is just as crucial to the relationship as the parents…if not more.”

“Mm. Pretty sure you’re overthinking this.”

Chifuyu gave a sarcastic laugh, “Pretty sure I’m not.”

“Alright. Lemme school ya on how women operate when they get in their little cliques.” Baji dusted off his hands, missing the eye roll the former blonde gave once again. With his pointer held high, he declared, “If majority of the friend group is taken, they’re just being protective. No doubt they’ve been there for every heartbreak, every fight, ‘nd jus’ don’t think anyone’s good enough for [_____]. Jus’ gotta keep your head down, and don’t give ‘em any reason to be weary. Simple.”

With a slow, skeptical nod, Chifuyu pursed his lips at his fellow delinquent. It wasn’t unlikely, so at least he’s correct in that regard. However, the line between facts and feelings began to blur the further Baji continued.

“But, if majority of them are single, then you’re screwed either way —Damned if you do, damned if you don’t.”

“Wow, that’s so helpful. You sure schooled me, Baji-san.”

“‘m serious. You gotta watch out for the single ones in the friend group. They’re all passive aggressive, try to get under your skin, push your buttons. Then, before you know it, they’re in your head, get you so worked up only for them to turn around and play victim, saying you can’t take a joke, and now you’re the fucking bad guy! Classic textbook emotional manipulation—Don’t fall for it. ‘cause they’ve got it down to a science, I’m telling ya.”

Chifuyu’s eyes widen at the sudden intensity that overtook the room, taking a small step back when Baji jabbed his finger at him, as if he were warning him of some conspiracy. “Uh…you good?”

Baji took a moment’s pause. Then, he cleared his throat.

“Sorry, got a little carried away. All’s I’m saying is, don’t sweat. Lotta chick’s pick on the best friend’s new fling, t’s like a war tactic—Poking at our fragile egos ‘nd all that. But, seems like you did fine, otherwise you’d be crying all over ‘tora right now.” Baji shrugged.

Chifuyu blinked, now his turn to be dumbfounded. “Huh.”

He frowned. “‘Huh’? I jus’ gave you some killer, black-pilled insight on cracking their code of conduct, and all I get is a dry-ass ‘huh’? Tsk. I’m charging you next time, goddamn freeloader.”

Chifuyu glared, but softened soon after. After taking his words into consideration, the former blonde couldn’t help but feel lighter. “It’s just... didn’t expect that to actually make me feel better.”

Baji scrunched his nose. “The fuck’s that supposed to mean? Oi, don’t ever doubt my knowledge. It may be selective, but I got it when it counts. Besides, thanks to me you won’t take that stool home after all.”

“I wasn’t planning to take it home in the first place.”

“Right. Keep telling yourself that, elbows.”

“Hey!”

—

large — ♡

“Hey, baby, those legs go all the way up?”

It was moments like this where you detested not being able to blend in with the average crowd. Attention always seemed to gravitate toward you no matter how hard you tried to avoid it, like being covered in honey while trying to walk in front of a herd of bears. And it didn’t help that you were currently wearing heels tonight, accentuating your legs even more in the little, black cocktail dress you sported. You were headed to a party a mutual friend of yours was throwing, and you wanted to surprise your man by wearing the new Jimmy Choos he bought you, knowing how much he loved how your legs with the extra height on them—Evidently, so did the prowling degenerate on the streets.

You had elected to ignore them. HANMA seemed to have other plans as he came to a complete stop in his tracks, slowly turning around to walk up on the moron who had the nerve to open his mouth. Low, golden eyes gazed down at the waste of space, face calm but a murderous aura oozed off him like pheromone, suffocating the slimy bastard into submission as he attempted to shrink away. But, he wasn’t about to let him get away so easily.

A wide, eerie grin spread across his face. “Could’ve sworn I just heard you cat-call my girl right in front of me. But, you wouldn’t be stupid enough to do that. Right?”

The guy nervously looked back for reinforcements but his buddies were already long gone. Hanma’s grin immediately dissolved from his face, kissing his teeth before grabbing the guy by the front of his collar and twisting. “Fuckin’ hate repeating myself.”

Hanma wound his arm back, dead set on knocking the guy into an early grave until you intervened at the last second. By grabbing onto the balled up fist, you brought it to your lips to place a tender kiss on the inked skin. You felt his muscles relax, but he still held the offender by his shirt, only slightly playing attention to you cooing in his ear.

“Baby, you promised no fighting tonight, remember?”

“I know, doll, but this fucker,” he shook the guy around in his tight grasp, unhinged grin making its appearance once more at the sound of him blubbering, “deserves to have his shit rocked for even looking at you. I’m just gonna teach ‘em a little lesson about manners, that’s all. I’ll be quick.”

You scoffed, “You and I both know you don’t do quick.”

Hanma snickered. “First time for everything, right?”

“Shuji.”

Tugging on his arm, you were able to redirect all of his focus onto you, sinister eyes melting into sweet caramel as his pupils dilated the second they locked on yours. It always did something to him whenever you came up to eye-level. Sure, you were already pretty tall but the heels nearly had you towering him. It gave him a weird sensation, one that made him want to drop everything and worship you like the deity you were. Especially in situations like this.

Hanma felt like the smaller one for once. It drove him insane.

You fixed him a stern look. “Drop him.”

Without a moment’s hesitation, he discarded the guy onto the pavement like an old can, wild eyes eagerly watching you and waiting for your next request. Taking his free hand into yours, interlacing your fingers, you led the rest of the way by pulling him from the nobody now cowering near a bush, no doubt rethinking his life choices while you kept onward to your destination. You didn’t get all spruced up to not be seen tonight, and you’ll be damned if any more time got wasted on some loser he’d put in a coma after one hit. After a short moment of silence, you expected Hanma to be mad at you for not letting him knock someone’s teeth loose. But when you glanced back at him, you should’ve known you’d be greeted with absolute smugness as you shook your head in mirth.

You elected to ignore the obvious tent in his pants…but he’d surely plan for you to do otherwise later on.

[flieslikeamoron]

Hi! For the first sentence game:

"You want to try that again?" he asks.

Sorry this took a while, but it turned into a whole thing. This is like 2.5K. Not really explicit, but there are some boners and stuff of that nature.

---

“You want to try that again?” he asks.

“I don’t need your pity,” Steve says sourly. “I’ll take my stupid three.”

“It’s not pity.” Eddie laughs and waves a hand, generous as a king. “You have advantage.” 

“You get to roll twice,” Dustin says. “And take the highest.”

“I know what advantage is, dipshit.” Steve rolls his eyes as the number comes up.  “A whole seven.” He makes a whoop-di-doo motion with his finger.

“Your persuasion check fails.” Eddie leans forward threateningly over the screen in front of him. “The guard rings the alarm bell.” A chorus of groans rise around the table. Eddie grins, shifting into the growling scream of a wrestling announcer. “Rrrrolll for initiative.”

___

Steve comes out of the kitchen with a garbage bag in his hand after the kids have all gone. The little shits leave a disaster area of junk everywhere they go: half eaten pizza crusts, scribbled notes, mysterious piles of crumbs that don’t look like anything Eddie actually saw them eat. Steve reaches across the table to pick up a paper plate. He ditched his sweater halfway through the game, a bit of chest hair peeking out of the V of his polo. Eddie blinks and looks away. He sweeps all the miniatures off the table into his old ammo box with a clatter. 

Steve sets the garbage bag down and snatches the box from Eddie’s hand. He glares at Eddie and starts organizing the haphazard jumble. “Come on, man. There’s a system.”

“I have my own system. It’s called not having OCD.”

“It’s called not being able to find the ones you need next week.”

“What are you, alphabetizing them?”

“Like I know their names,” Steve scoffs, holding up a furry, long-fanged monster. 

“Bugbear,” Eddie says.

“Nerd,” Steve says fondly. Like he didn’t spend four hours at the table tonight. Lately Steve has become, if not a weekly player, at least a recurring guest star. He likes to gripe and act like it’s such a chore. Like he’s doing Dustin a favor. Or humoring Eddie. Being supportive of his nerdy-ass hobbies. Giving up his oh so busy Friday night.

Eddie knows better. If he really hated it, he wouldn’t play. If he really hated it, he wouldn’t keep his character sheet updated. Wouldn’t cover the back with careful notes of the names of each NPC the party meets, bits of lore. 

No, Eddie is onto him. Steve gets pushy about his XP in that competitive jock way he has about him. Just as excited about beating one of Eddie’s traps or monsters as the kids. That lit up glint in his eye every time he reminds Eddie he’s immune to charm or poison, like he’s getting one over on him. He’s having fun. And Eddie-

Well.

Eddie came to terms with the fact that he’s horny for his straight roommate long ago. That maybe he even has a fucked up little crush on the guy. But the really fucked up thing is Steve spends a pretty significant amount of time sweaty and shirtless around Eddie, and watching him total up his damage, not forgetting to add his bonuses, is somehow hotter. 

Steve glances up from the minis. Whatever’s on Eddie’s face must be a doozy because his eyebrows knit together briefly. But then he smiles. God. The way a smile looks on him. He starts talking about the stat boost he’s going to get when he levels up. He talks about it like he’s been borrowing Eddie’s Player’s Manual on the sly. Hair drooping down over his forehead and that smile on his face and that polo tight against his chest. Eddie wants to jump his bones so bad, it feels like someone punching him in the dick. But in a good way.

“I could put it into strength or charisma,” Steve is saying. “I was thinking charisma, so I could get that plus two.”

“That’d almost catch you up to real life.”

“You think I have a plus three to charisma?” Steve cocks his head, half smiling, half curious. Like he’s trying to figure out if that was a joke or an actual compliment. This is where things get dangerous. Being around him makes Eddie feel almost feverish: too hot, fuzzy headed, all wound up with wanting shit he can’t have. And he’s around him all the time. 

The problem with Steve is he doesn’t act like any straight guy Eddie’s ever known. Most straight guys treat Eddie kind of like he’s contagious. Not making a big deal, just… Leaving space. It’s fine that you’re gay, but don’t touch me. It’s fine, but don’t put it in my face. Don’t make it too real. It’s fine, but- It’s the kind of thing that makes Eddie want to push. Get up in a guy’s space, press right against that uncomfortable but. It’s almost a game. Pretty dangerous game, he knows that. Poking at the violence most guys have in them. But Eddie likes the fuck you of it, the little bit of fear in that step they take back when he gets too close. 

Steve though- Steve doesn’t back down from anything. Not monsters, not an argument, not even a guy hitting on him. No matter how hard Eddie pushes, he hasn’t found anything that can make Steve blink, take a step back. When Eddie leans into his space, expecting him to flinch, he just slings an arm around Eddie to pull him in even closer. If he touches Steve, Steve touches him back. And Eddie can say the most insane shit. Flirty shit, blatant shit. Steve just plays along. Like it’s all good fun. 

Is it really Eddie’s fault if he forgets himself sometimes? Starts running his mouth way too close to the truth? What is Eddie supposed to do when Steve takes all Eddie’s big boys and sweethearts with a pleased smile? What is Eddie supposed to do with the way Steve sprawls out on the couch after a date? Lays his head in Eddie’s lap and plays with Eddie’s rings while he talks about whether this girl gave good head or why he doesn’t think that girl will work out. 

This is the kind of shit he’s dealing with, okay? Just the other day Steve came out of the bathroom, nothing but a towel around his waist. And Eddie leaned in to smell him. Look, he’s very aware of how weird that was. But he’d been half asleep, and he’d just- He hadn’t been thinking. It happens kind of a lot with Eddie, actually. He doesn’t think. Maybe that’s why Steve didn’t step back, or give him a well deserved push. Didn’t even look at him funny for doing something objectively weird. Objectively fucked up. He laughed and yanked Eddie in until his nose was squashed into the warm curve of Steve’s armpit. Steve’s hand wide on the back of Eddie’s head as he pushed Eddie’s face in there, tight. 

“Take a big whiff,” he said, like he didn’t care that Eddie was pressed up against his bare skin, body to body with Eddie’s hand curving around his waist, brushing against his back. Like he didn’t care that Eddie’s hard dick was obvious against his thigh. 

When he let Eddie go, his gaze flicked down to Eddie’s boner. Just as obvious. Making sure Eddie knew he’d noticed it. A teasing lilt to his voice as he said, “Bathroom’s all yours.” Practically inviting Eddie to jerk off. Practically inviting Eddie to think about him while he did it. And Eddie did. Not for the first time, or the last. 

What is he supposed to do with any of that except want Steve even more? Sometimes he wishes Steve was just a little less- Cool with it. Not that he wants Steve to look at him with that “It’s fine, but-” on his face. It would be easier though, in a way. If Steve didn’t let him get so close. Didn’t let him press his grubby face up against the glass, so close to what he wants it’s hard to remember he can’t have it. 

Steve turns to Eddie with his fist propped under his chin. “Tell me about my charms,” he says. “What is it about me exactly that makes me so damn charismatic?” Voice playful, flirty. Dangerous. 

If there’s one thing Eddie knows how to do, it’s bluff. Hey, just joking. You can take a joke, right? “That face, mostly,” he says, putting a palm right into it, pushing Steve away with his cheek turned. Steve lets Eddie move him with an easy laugh. “And your modesty, obviously.”

“Fuck off,” Steve says, still laughing. He moves farther down the table to dump another plate in the garbage bag. He reaches over to gather up a few dice, pausing over the blue one he used during the game. He holds it up, turning it between his thumb and forefinger. He looks over at Eddie, his dark eyes catching Eddie’s. Catching Eddie staring. Eddie quickly busies himself with rolling up his battle map. 

“I don’t think I had a single roll over ten all night.” Steve gives the die a toss down the length of the table, flailing a hand as it comes up a four. “I think it’s weighted.” 

Eddie snorts. “It isn’t.”

“You gave me a weighted die. You’re a goddamn cheater.” He hides a grin behind the accusation, but Eddie plays along as if he’s serious. Who’s Eddie kidding? Half the fights they’ve had, Eddie picked on purpose just because it was fun. Riling each other up for the hell of it.  

“I’m not,” he says. “I’ll prove it.” He plucks the die off the table and shakes it in his hand. “If I roll above a ten, you have to clean up this mess.”

Steve glares, flapping the garbage bag in his hands around in front of him like a matador cape. Annoyance is his second hottest look, in Eddie’s expert opinion. Indignant color on his cheeks, eyes bright. Eddie wants to bite the petulance on his lip. “I’m already cleaning it up.”

“Yeah, but I’m helping you,” Eddie says. “You have to do it by yourself if I win.”

“Doesn’t sound like I have much to lose.”

“Shut up, I’m helping.” Eddie performatively drops a plastic cup in Steve’s bag with a bow.

“That cup wasn’t empty,” Steve huffs. “How many times do I have to tell you to dump it in the sink first. Now it’s going to leak probably and I’ll have to…” Eddie tunes the rest out. Steve’s right, he has heard it before. He rolls the die down the table with a flourish, holding up a finger in Steve’s direction like “wait a sec” and watching as it lands on a fifteen.

“Not a cheater,” he said triumphantly. “And not helping anymore.”

“One good roll doesn’t prove if it’s weighted or not. It’s about the patterns.” Steve rolls again. A two. He motions to it with attitude in the sweep of his hand.

“Fine,” Eddie says. “I’ll go again. How about I roll above a ten two more times, or hey, let’s make it three, if you really want a pattern. If I win, you have to do my laundry.” 

Steve rolls his eyes. “Like you’ll follow through if I win.” 

Eddie places a dramatic hand on his heart, his voice going shocked. “You’ve besmirched my honor.” 

Steve breaks, a laugh cutting through his frown. He gives Eddie a skeptical “go ahead then” tilt of his chin. Eddie rolls. An eleven. He walks backward from one end of the table to the other, to pick up the die where it landed. Makes sure to bump into Steve as he passes. “Pardon me, big boy,” he says sweetly. Steve pushes him into a stumble, but he turns sharply like a flamenco dancer. Arm coming up above his head as he slings the die back down the table. Seventeen. A shit eating grin. Another walk down to the end of the table. Another bump. He can feel the daggers Steve is glaring at him itching hot between his shoulder blades. He tosses the last roll over his shoulder without looking. 

“Blow me,” Steve mutters. Eddie turns to see the thirteen on the die. Steve’s delicious, disgruntled face. Grumpy is such a good look on him.

“If you roll under a ten again, I will.” 

Steve’s eyebrows rise. 

Jesus Christ, Eddie needs to wire his goddamn jaw shut. Steve hesitates on the edge of a laugh. It was a joke. Obviously. Whether it started out there or not, Eddie will make it a joke. But there’s something about the way Steve is caught on the edge of not sure if Eddie was kidding.

Eddie can’t resist a little push. He flashes his teeth. “Scared of a blowjob?”

“You’re serious?” Steve says cautiously.

“Why not?” Eddie shrugs. “It’s just sucking dick. I like dick.”

“Yeah…” Steve says. “But it’s… My dick.” 

Like Eddie hasn’t lovingly built a shrine to Steve’s dick in his mind. Like he doesn’t prostrate himself before it basically every time he jerks off. Eddie’s hard as shit right now, his whole body tight with wanting, his blood fizzing, just because Steve hasn’t shut him down yet. Can’t he feel how desperate Eddie is for him? It feels like it’s pouring off him in waves, like ripples of heat off asphalt in the summer. 

“Or it’s your mouth.” Eddie’s smile goes sharp. Just a little push. “If you lose.” 

Steve flushes, his eyes huge. “You would want that?” 

Jesus. Why hasn’t Steve shut him down? Why is he still playing along? It isn’t too late. Eddie can still play it off as a joke. But the way Steve’s looking at him- Steve doesn’t back down. Not from monsters, not from a dare. Would he really… Maybe he would actually let Eddie do it. “And then what?” the small rational part of him that tries to keep him from fucking himself over asks. He pays just as much attention to it now as he ever does.

“I’ll make it easy on you,” Eddie says. “You roll low, just like you have every roll tonight. You can have advantage, even. Triple advantage. Three chances. Get one roll ten or lower. I’ll give you the best blowjob you’ve ever had.” It’s not so much a bet anymore, as an offer. Eddie begging behind the thinnest pretense. Please, please let me suck your dick.

Steve still hasn’t said no. He stands there with the die in his hand instead of telling Eddie to fuck off. Looking at Eddie so close, this heavy, searching gaze that makes Eddie feel like he’s one snarled knot of heat from his throat to his balls. Steve notices Eddie’s hard-on, that heavy gaze lingering for a long second. He’s still looking at Eddie as he throws the die. Eddie can’t quite bring himself to look away, listening to the rattle of it until it stops. 

Eddie has to look. Has to know. 

A nineteen. 

Fuck. He looks back at Steve. “You want to try that again?”

Steve is bright red as he shakes his head no, his teeth sunk into his bottom lip. There’s no hesitation in him now. He keeps his eyes on Eddie, as he sinks down to his knees. 

---

These have been helping me get back into a writing habit, so I’ll keep it open if anyone else wants to play. The original rules of the game are you leave an ask with the first sentence of a fic, and I’ll write the next five sentences. But the rules I made up are I just write as much as I want. Five sentences minimum though.

[sensivs]

Smash

SUBBY GHOST SMUT O_o ?!?!?!

———————————————-

Basic summary: your a very flirty man, you basically flirt with everyone in 141, but ghost takes your flirting to the next level bc he’s IN LUV WITH YOU OOOOOOO, and then he corners you and basically says “give me that dick”

(Btw your shorter than him, maybe 6’2/6’0 or however short you wanna be)

——————————————-

“Hey sexy, what you doing with all that?” You said to soap as he walked by, soap chuckled, “I’m gonna go to sleep”

“Awhhhh, can I sleep with you?” “Not today at least” you then again whined but let soap be on his way.

You were just gonna go have a walk outside, today had been a tough day and all you needed was a good refresher.

You stepped out of the base and just started walking, looking ahead into the black road. You then looked up into the sky, the stars glistened, fire blazing 40 trillion kilometers away from where you stood.

The moon shined the brightest, wanting all the compliments that the world had to say for it contribution.

Suddenly, you felt a tap on his shoulder, he looked back, readying to punch the shit out of whoever dared to touch you.

It was.. ghost? “Ghost what are you doing here?” “I was looking for you”, oh god what did ghost want from you now?

He already asked you to do 160 push ups earlier today so maybe he wanted more from you. “I-“ “no I’m not gonna do 160 push ups right now thank you”.

Ghost chuckled, “no I’m not gonna asking that, it’s just..” you grew more concerned on what ghost had for you, he was not the type of guy to hold back anything he had to say and was straight up.

“I was wondering about that thing you said to me earlier..” what? What did you say to him earlier?… oh yea.

You told him how fucking hot he was, no lies were told tho. “Oh yea, haha, are you here to beat me up for it?”

“Not necessarily” if he didn’t want you to do 160 push ups.. and if he didn’t want to beat you up for calling him a hottie then.. what did he want.

“I just thought.. if the thing you said.. did you mean it?” What? Did this guy never experience flirting? Tbh.. you really did mean it, no one just took you seriously bc you flirt too much.

“Oh.. yea I kinda did to be honest” you sheepishly rubbed your neck, not wanting to be straight forward with how much you really did like ghost.

Ghost looked kinda taken aback by it, even in the barely lit area you two were in, the moon shone on ghost’s mask and his eyes.

His eyes were fucking beautiful in the night sky.. the brown and white really went well together.

“If you want me to stop then I can do that” “no.. it’s just..” you could tell that ghost was struggling to say something, he was trying to make something out of the sputters that came out of his mouth.

He grew irritated and you realized that, “hey hey, let’s calm down alright?” You grabbed both of his hands, the warmth that your hands made ghost stop his sentence.

He looked into your eyes, he completely embarrassed himself and he knew that. He took a deep breath..

“I like you..” you heard him, but just to play with him.. “what?” “I fucking like you ok?” Your eyes widened a bit.

Ghost.. an absolute killing machine, has gone through so many traumatic things, cold blooded and didn’t care for anyone .. was in love with you?

“Oh yea? What do you like about me~?” “Shut up and just kiss me” oh wow.. what a straight forward approach for someone who didn’t know how to express anything.

Ghost lifted up his mask above his lips and collided them with yours. You kissed him with passion, you loved him with everything in you.

Ghost grabbed your ass, you took this as a chance to wrap your legs around his waist. “You gonna fuck me?” Ghost chuckled and shook his head, “no, you’re gonna be the one to fuck me”.

.. WHAT 😨. Ghost was.. A SUBMISSIVE AND BREEDABLE GUY???? This had to be a dream… cuz this is was exactly what you wanted.

“Oooo, how will everyone else feel knowing their killing machine is an absolute whore?” “I don’t fucking care anymore, just fucking take off your pants and fuck me with everything you got”.

You quickly took off your pants, along right ghost’s as well. Ghost’s ass was HUGE, I’m not kidding, you touched it, THAT SHIT JIGGLED.

You then had a wonderful idea.. you charged up your hand and slapped the shit out of his ass. You heard ghost moan from that..

God this man was an absolute whore for pain but you didn’t complain. You then took two fingers and pressed them against ghost’s mouth.

“Suck them babe~” he happily did so, drenching your fingers in so much saliva it dripped out of his mouth.

You took your two fingers and positioned them at his hole. You then pushed them into him, fuck was he tight.

He clenched a bit but you could tell that he was trying his best not to. You started to finger him, causing the big man to start moaning like an absolute whore.

“You like this don’t you?” Between moans ghost responded with a shakey “y-yes”. Once you stretched him again, you positioned your dick right in front of his hole.

But something came up in your mind.. you then had the perfect position for ghost’s and your first time.

You sat flat down on your booty, you grabbed ghost’s hips and pulled them closer to you. Right where ghost’s hole was now perfectly positioned above your cock.

You then pushed him down, ghost’s ass basically engulfing your cock to the base. Ghost moaned loudly, he knew that it was extremely loud but he honestly didn’t care. He just wanted you and your cock.

“Ride me big boy~” the way you said that made ghost shiver in excitement, he then picked up his ass and then slammed it back down.

You threw your head back, this bitch really knew how to ride a big cock. He kept bouncing his ass up and down, his huge ass jiggling every second he rode you like a rodeo.

You couldn’t take it anymore.. “o-oh fuck..! Cumming!!” You squealed as you then blew a huge load into ghost.

You huffed a bit, but ghost kept bouncing on you. “W-what the fuck are you doing? I already came!”

“We’re not stopping until I cum big boy~” ghost’s riding became too much to handle, he was overstimulating you and wanted all the cum you could offer.

You felt his hole clench, he was close. A few seconds later. He came.

You two sat there, trying to catch both of your breathes. “Sooo.. does this mean we’re dating?” “What do you think?….. of course we fucking are”

_________________________

HEYYY GUYS :D

Sorry for not uploading for a couple of days, school is getting kinda tuff BUT WINTER BREAK IS COMING WOOOOOOOOO

be ready for upcoming smuts! And hcs <3333

LOVE YOU GUYS !!!!!! /p

[pickles4nickles]

So I’ve been watching playthroughs of Yakuza games for a while now, but when I saw that the newest game takes place in Hawai’i, the place where I was born, raised, and have lived in for nearly 30 years now, I knew that this was something I had to have first-hand experience with and not let some guy tell me how to feel about it, to put it bluntly.

I went on a month and a half long journey to finish this game, so I sat around for a bit like

Jesus Christ I should write a review on it.

So if you’d like to read about 5k words on what I thought about The Video Game™, here you go.

Overall, Like a Dragon: Infinite Wealth is a really really good game. However, as Hawai’i local it was kind of hard for me to turn my brain off to some of the cultural inaccuracies and as someone who tends to play smaller indie games, I clocked in about 110 hours on this and I burned out a little towards the end.

GAMEPLAY

Let’s get into Gameplay first because I think I have the most positive thoughts about it. If you haven’t heard my thoughts about Pokemon lately, it mostly boils down to “It’s the only RPG I’ve really been playing in recent years and the gameplay has been very watered down and I yearn for a decent PvE experience.” This game definitely scratched that itch in more ways than one.

Infinite Wealth’s turn-based combat system revolves around positioning. Some moves have an AoE of either a straight line or a circle. Positioning a character next to an ally will proc a combo move with them and positioning them near items will proc an item attack where you can beat a guy to death with a traffic cone or something.

The job system is robust. Every character starts off with a default class- Ichiban’s is Hero, an all-rounder that can pretty much do anything; characters like Nanba and Eric (I know the game calls him Tomi or Tomizawa, but I’m not the game and “Fuckin’ Eric” sounds way better than “Fuckin’ Tomi”) are magic-oriented, so they’re basically wizards by default. You can change their class to other jobs (Desperado is my favorite because it’s basically gun mage), which unlocks new skills as you level them up. You can also change jobs as much as you want and skills carry over between them, so there’s a bit of moveset mixing and matching that makes my brain feel good.

Ryu Ga Gotoku Studio, (the Yakuza devs, which we’re just gonna abbreviate to RGG from here on out) have always been REALLY good at asset reuse (again, I cast a dirty look to Game Freak). They’ll make a whole-ass map of a region and reuse that same map for several games down the line. Not only do you spend a significant time in Ijincho again and not only do you go to Kamurocho for little bit… AGAIN, but there are two… what I can only call “macro” games that have the best asset reuse I’ve seen in, like, maybe anything ever.

DONDOKO ISLAND

Like A Dragon: Infinite Wealth comes with a whole-ass Animal Crossing clone that’s also kind of The Sims called Dondoko Island. In this, you rehab an island that’s being used as a dump for some trash pirates (no, seriously, they’re actually pirates, yar har and everything) back into a five star resort. There’s a whole-ass crafting system where you go around the island, harvesting resources, to build furniture and facilities, which include whole-ass buildings which have appeared in past Yakuza games. The crafting system is GREATLY improved over Animal Crossing: New Horizon in that you can skip the goddamn animation and craft multiple of the same items at once. You don’t even have to have all the materials in your inventory, it’ll take it from your storage. Placing items in the world is also in an overhead view and the only grievance I have with the system is that placing paths is really weird and you can only place a limited number of them. But overall, Nintendo, was it really that hard to put into the video game. Why did you make AC:NH disrespect my time in that way?

Once the island has been cleaned up enough, you can start inviting guests over, which all have their own set of preferences for the vibe of your island (rustic, pop, sleazy, etc), their lodging quality, and how much of the island’s flora and fauna (and minerals, I guess??) you’ve discovered.

I really really liked Dondoko Island because who am I to say no to a management mini/macro game with decoration elements. I mostly really appreciate that it doesn’t waste your time. I wanna say I finished it in like less than 20 hours… which is not short for a game within a game (actually, that’s insane for a game within a game), but for a game of this genre, it’s pretty short.

There’s also an entire separate mini-island that further helps you with efficiently running your island by passively collecting resources over time and just being a general stockpile of bugs and fish to catch. But I can’t talk about this part without talking about…

SUJIMON

A returning character voiced by Keith Silverstein in the English dub – yes, that Keith Silverstein, who voices Masayoshi Shido of Persona 5 and Zhongli of The Genshin Impact™ is a professor who documents the behavior of weird and often hostile middle aged men, called Sujimon. When Ichiban goes to Hawai’i, he asks him to also document the native Sujimon there as there’s a prominent Sujimon scene there. Mans wasn’t kidding as there is an underground, more or less ilicit Sujimon fight club called The Sujimon League with its own Elite Four called The Discrete Four.

In the previous game, Sujimon was just your bestiary (literally called the Sujidex), but now it’s a whole-ass game, which I can mostly only describe as simplified Yokai Watch, but a glorified card game. Just so we’re not here for forever talking about middle-aged men cockfights… because I can talk about the mechanics and inner workings of middle-aged men cockfights for a hot minute, Sujimon League basically operates on a 3v3, with an additional bench of 3, rock-paper-scissors kind of system. You’ll need strong Sujimon to get through this macro game and you’ll recruit new guys through four ways- through random fights on the map, through literal Pokemon GO raids, through a gacha system, and through combining Sujimon of the same type into stronger Sujimon (don’t think too hard about that one). I had a LOT of fun with this and, again, it scratched an itch I’ve had for a while. Almost all of the Sujimon are just guys you’ll fight in-game, so, again, an excellent use of asset reuse.

Sujimon smoothly integrates into Dondoko Island in a way that makes Palworld look even more balls-less than it already is. You know that little island I was talking about a few paragraphs back? That’s Dondoko Farm. You can put your Sujimon to work on it! As you’re running around on Dondoko Island, letting it consume your life, your Sujimon will grow crops, scrounge around for resources, and earn some cash for you. The island also has some resources to help with Sujimon League by leveling them up with a small investment of some dondoko bucks and your time, but also a Pokemon-Amie type mini-mini game that helps strengthen the friendship of your current Sujimon team.

Yes.

This game lets you pet-

The sweaty, weirdo middle-aged men.

Don’t think about it too hard.

Especially don’t think about it too hard when you have a Sujimon on your team that uses Xander Mobus’ voice clips.

Anyway, there’s also another minigame called Sicko Snap, which is basically Pokemon Snap with Sujimon. It’s a good one, too.

STORY

I guess… the best way I’d explain my feelings on Infinite Wealth’s story is

Objectively, this is an okay story. Like, it’s par for the course for a Yakuza game. I have a lot of personal grievances with this plot which I’ll fully unsheathe my blade for in the next section, but for now I’ll just say… this game is basically Hawaii Five-O crammed into a Yakuza game and that was an emotional rollercoaster ride that I’m not sure I enjoyed.

Like a Dragon’s main theme is “Even if you hit rock bottom, it’s never too late to get back up again” and that’s something I hold near and dear to my heart.

They have used this theme to my benefit and to my dismay as this also apparently means it’s never too late for ~*Romance*~ which, sure, yeah, okay, true, but did it have to be Ichiban and Saeko?

I’m trying to give the game the benefit of the doubt because… to me, it’s mostly one-sided (as in, like, Saeko’s willing to give him a chance, but isn’t as crazy for Ichiban as he is for her) and, like, dude is allowed to have a crush. But from what I have seen… because I never got around to finishing her Drink Link (I was gonna but I’m like really burned out on the game), they kinda strap C4 to the Bechdel Test and raze a village to the ground with it when it comes to Saeko’s character arc because most of her dialogue and interactions are about The Incident with Ichiban, which sucks because she had more character than just a romance interest for the protagonist in the previous game. If you’re also REALLY not into this plot point like I am, the story DOES NOT let you forget that this indeed happened as it seems to be a plot thread that might continue into the next game as well.

Needless to say, I don’t ship it, and I don’t get to block tags and just walk away from this one.

The game also kinda keeps nudging at, “Hehe, Chitose’s pretty cute too, right?” to which I say

Yes I understand she’s of legal age but she’s only like 21 AT MOST and Ichiban’s like 40-something you stop with that.

It doesn’t feel like Ichiban really had a character arc in this… unless you count “proposing on the first date” to “saying I love you on a redo and then being weird about it again” as character growth. He went to Hawai’i, had some shenanigans, found mom, got backstabbed again, fought the cult (which I’ll be really salty about in the next section), went back home to help Eiji’s character arc. This isn’t a bad thing, it’s just… Ichiban went on another adventure. And it was ok. I think maybe the game was sizing him up to, again, take Kiryu’s place and be The Hero, but… we already did that already? And I’m not even sure if the game was able to complete that message by the end of the game.

Kiryu probably got the most character development out of this game and talking this over with my friend Andrew, he brought up that it kinda wasn’t fair that this is supposed to be Ichiban’s game, but he had to share half of it with Kiryu. And I agree. His sections were also really hard to get into if you haven’t been a longtime fan. Again, I have a decent amount of Yakuza knowledge, but with Kiryu’s memories, a LOT of it went over my head.  It seems like RGG’s been trying to retire him as a protagonist for like three games now and MAYBE this time they’ll actually do it after this victory lap they’ve given him. But he did learn that “my friends are my power” and “never ever give up, you still have time to do better.” And you know what, that’s rad.

As far as the villains go, just, I dunno, they’re fine? Ebina and Eiji are very “okay bitch, stay mad, then,” and it’s. Fine? My only complaint is that Ebina’s arc felt like it was under-seasoned before they put it in the oven to cook and they could’ve peppered it on a little earlier in the game or something. Bryce’s entire deal I may have taken a little too personally, but that’s for later. Dwight was literally just Danny Trejo doing a villain role and I have absolutely no qualms with it. He was fun to watch.

The supporting cast was fun as always. Eric I hated at first, but he grew on me in the same way that, like, I’d bully a friend. Chitose I also kinda hated at first, was very sus of, but then she had a character arc that was pretty good. The Yokohama gang didn’t really have character arcs to them, but they were still fun to hang out with nonetheless. We got to learn a little bit more about Seonhee and she’s really fun. Both her and Zhao, who is my favorite for several reasons, are really really fun characters as they are both crime bosses (former, in Zhao’s case) who are BIG FUCKING WEIRDOS and I love them for it.

Joongi Han becomes a party member WAY too late in my opinion that, in a way, he’s technically an optional party member, or at least like getting a Dratini right before the Pokemon League in Gold/Silver/Crystal. He had some fun character moments, but felt kinda like an afterthought.

But also, ain’t no way he got his Hawai’i clothes at Hilo Hattie. There’s no way.

To wrap up my thoughts on the main story, I’d just like to say: the plot point that they sailed to Japan on a little tugboat in a handful of hours as opposed to WEEKS is peak Hawaii Five-O vibes and it infuriates me, but everyone kept telling me “it’s okay, the coast guard picked them up, like, halfway” and I will sit down and not start a fistfight over it. And just. That was the vibe of the game for me. Just… alternating between a J-Drama and Hawaii Five-O.

I don’t really have much to say about the substories except that they’re either almost Oscar-worthy material or they’re a snoozefest that I just tabbed through. I can really only think of three substories off the top of my head that were EXCELLENT, though - Nancy and Olivia, the artificial snow quest (THIS ONE IS EMOTIONAL WHIPLASH), and the traveling aquarium one. The rest I mostly just tabbed through because they were just……. Eh. But I think I’m okay with that since we have Sujimon and Dondoko to make up for it.

THE CULTURAL GRIEVANCES

So as I type this section out, I run my hands over my face to remind myself and say

This is a game that takes place in Hawai’i from a Japanese perspective, written primarily for a Japanese audience and I assume that certain things may come from a place of ignorance, but not maliciousness.

Hey Tumblr.

I want you to read that first bolded sentence again.

Because I know how you guys are with reading comprehension.

But that being said, as a Hawai’i-born Chinese person, there’s quite a lot about the Hawai’i cultural aspects of this game that I have problems with. If you wanna see me roast this game, you can stick around, but if not… Here is your chance to bail.

I’ve tried my best to write this in a way where I look at the thing that pissed me off and ask myself,  “Am I taking this too seriously or do I actually have a problem with it?” and write more or less objectively, but some of it might still come off as overly caustic. Just. I tried.

And after a deep breath,

Ho brah,

We go.

WHAT IS HAWAIIAN CULTURE, ANYWAY?

To start off, I’m not sure if RGG knows the difference between being a Hawai’i local and actually being of Hawaiian blood…? The game mentions at the very beginning that Akane is half-Japanese… and half-Hawaiian, which makes Ichiban one-fourth Hawaiian, which makes ME kinda… squint. Like, we’d need to know more about Akane’s backstory, but if you know anything about indigenous cultures, finding someone who’s half native is HARD nowadays. Akane also looks pretty light skinned for someone who’s allegedly half-Japanese, half-Hawaiian but that’s just my tiny nitpick?

I’m also… not sure what kinda research RGG did on Hawaiian last names because some of the ones I see on random enemies are kinda… 

Who is that

What is that

I have never seen anyone named that in my entire life

Sure, my worldview is a little shut in, but, no, what IS that?

Mililani is not a last name, that’s a neighborhood, why’s she Lani Mililani?

WHAT IS THAT?

The pidgin in the game is also there, but… small kine hit or miss. For those of you who don’t know, pidgin is Hawai’i’s creole, which came from a bunch of cultures who don’t speak the same language eventually falling into a kitbashed language system that works for everyone. Looking at the VA listing in the credits, they did hire some local people (they have Hawaiian names) and some of the VO performances work really well like Obispo in the restaurant side story and the cab driver dialogue that ONLY comes up in the Japanese audio version of the game for some reason. Others… are… hm (I don’t know what’s going on with Jeff the taco truck guy). I feel like the voice director got the intonation on the line reads down pretty well, but on the localization side, the syntax and grammar are a little off. Pidgin tends to come off as “broken english,” but it’s technically not since it’s its own language system with its own rules. So you have a lot of line reads that are in the right inflection, but the way it’s written is wrong for pidgin dialogue.

And it just doesn��t sound 100% right to me.

There’s also some… small pronunciation nitpicks that I have. Ukulele is pronounced the white way - it’s not Yooka-Laylee like the Chameleon and Bat, it’s ook-oo-leh-leh like Tapu Lele, the Pokemon. Some characters pronounce Hawai’i as huh-why and not ha-wuh-ee, which is more right (it’s SUPPOSED to be ha-vai-ee but I’m not native Hawaiian and this is kind of an axolotl situation so, y’know).

But shout-outs to the “Whatchu lookin’ at?” line guy.

Because that one is just, no notes, perfect.

NOTHING CAN BE NORMAL, I GUESS

Something that rubbed me the wrong way in this game is the mystification of a culture that’s foreign to you, that is, taking a culture that’s not yours and describing or representing it in such a way that it sounds so deviant and hard to comprehend compared to the one you’re used to. Think of that one tweet where someone describes hamburgers like a white person would describe asian fruit.

There's the lei substory where the girl needs to make a lei with blue plumerias (which does not exist by the way) because there’s an urban legend that if you give a blue plumeria lei to someone, it’s a way of confessing your true love. Lei are just… things you give as, like, a “congrats!” kind of a thing. Or if you wanna be touristy about it, a “welcome!” kind of gift. There’s nothing mystical about it, most grocery stores stock a few that you can just pick up, grab and go style. 

The entire game mechanic of “shaka to make friends” was so?? Like maybe after 8 hours into the Hawai’i map, I was like, okay, I’ll just… fine. I’ll accept it. But my god did I not appreciate it when Kson came up to me and was like “what’s a motherfucker gotta do around here to make some friends” and told me how FRIENDLY the Hawaiian people were and how you can just throw a shaka to make friends; while me, probably the saltiest, introverted Hawai’i local that throws stink-eye at tourists who can’t watch where they’re going, playing the video game on that day was like, “We don’t fucking do that, hello??” I don’t even know why we shaka?? Most people you ask that question will just be like “idk it’s the local thing, they do it at the end of the 5pm news on KHON2.”

There’s a substory in this game with a character named Nathan, but we were all calling him racist Alpharad because he kinda looks like him (ALPHARAD HIMSELF IS NOT RACIST OR IN THIS GAME I WANNA CLARIFY THAT) and he’s basically, like… a weeb. He’s recording what seems like a PBS special on Japanese tourists in Hawai’i, but he’s kind of a shitter about it. He makes Ichiban choose between local foods and cold-ass rice and becomes upset when he chooses kalua pork over the rice since it wasn’t The Japanese Option. It escalates to making Ichiban play darts with shuriken and when he loses, he tells him to “live up to his dishonor,” slides him a knife and board, and asks him if he wants to take a finger or hara-kiri. To which Ichiban goes “dude, I get you like Japanese culture, but you can’t treat people this way”

To which I look back at the game like

You clearly understand how this feels, so why are you doing this to Hawaiian culture?

Again, I understand that a lot of this game was written with maybe just ignorance, and not malice, and this isn’t really a call-out post to RGG or anything, but BOY…

Okay.

Now we get to my biggest gripe with this game.

PALEKANA CAN SUCK MY NUTS

I’m kinda disappointed in their choice to use a Hawaiian cult as a plot point. It’s not quite a native savages kind of a vibe, but… In the year of our lord 2024, I thought we would know better than to portray an indigenous religion as a bloodthirsty cult? I also don’t like how they’re conflating the Hawaiian religion with what’s more like a Christian/Catholic cult in this.

Palekana is portrayed as “cultists who worship a goddess who lives in a mystical land, forbidden only to her chosen and maybe one day we’ll be worthy of her blessings.” Hawaiian religion is… not… like that at all? They did get the part about “giving back to the community” correct as a part of Hawaiian culture is mālama ‘aina, meaning, you need to care for the land you live on, which is… reasonable? I guess the other basic idea of Hawaiian religion is that certain places, things, and times that are important, and you shouldn’t touch it unless you wanna fuck around and find out. But the game just kinda wildly overboils this.

Like, I don’t claim to be an expert, I’ve only scraped the basics from what I learned in school (a year’s worth of Hawaiiana lessons in middle school, a semester’s worth in college; went to a private Catholic school, took two world religion classes in college), but Palekana has a very Catholic European religion kind vibe instead of a Hawaiian one. And I really, really don’t like that the game conflates the two. The Palekana cultists wear hoods, which is a distinctly European thing (it’s too hot for hoods here!). The beaded necklaces also seem more like rosaries, which, again, very Catholic. The idea that a god-figure will save you is also a VERY Catholic idea. I’m also assuming the goddess Nele that they use in the game is an expy for Pele, which… okay, like, you can do that with locations. Ala Moana Shopping Center represented as Anaconda Mall in the game hurts me a lot, but… to change up the name of the most prominent deity in Hawaiian religion is like

Dude, I’m not Hawaiian, but I know better than to shit on Pele?

Maybe I’m taking this a little too seriously, but it comes off as a little(??) disrespectful.

To give them the benefit of the doubt, maybe RGG wrote this plot point in this way to be like, well, they’re the villains, so we’ll write them so hyperbolically evil and wrong so people won’t mistake that for the actual culture? But my gut reaction is that they’re only writing from what they’ve seen in the movies and they wanted to make a story like that.

This was my least favorite part of the plot because not only does the cult aspect feel like it’s in bad taste, but it’s SO MUCH of the story and you REALLY can’t get away from it.

Alright. So now that I’ve aired that out of my system, I’m finally capping off this section with the part of the game that hit the closest to me and that is

CHINESE IN HAWAI’I

Listen. Again.

This is a story about Hawai’i, written by a Japanese team, for a Japanese audience.

Yakuza is a series that often talks about the racial conflict between the Japanese, Chinese, and Koreans. And I don’t expect them to portray any of these groups in anything more than a neutral light in this game about Gang Crime.

But ohhhhh my gooooood did they get the Chinatown section so wroooooooong.

Right off the bat, the big glaring problem I have with this game is. All the guys speak Mandarin. I think they might just be reusing voice clips from Yakuza 7, which, sure, fine, I understand that video games are hard to make and expensive.

In Hawai’i, like, real-world Hawai’i, not the bizzaro Hawai’i this game takes place in, we’re definitely starting to see more Mandarin-speaking immigrants show up, but most of the town speaks Cantonese.

Most of the people here a generation or two above me come from Guangdong or Hong Kong, which are Cantonese-speaking areas. It’s an entirely different dialect that’s really only been represented in small bits in media I’m familiar with, like in Jackie Chan Adventures (the uncle’s chant is basically “no more ghosts, get out of here” in Cantonese) and Digimon Tamers (“Moumentai” is “it’s okay/don’t worry about it” in Cantonese), and it seems really hard to get VAs that speak it, so I’m not… really that mad about it.

BUT. Then there’s Wong Tou.

Wong is the Cantonese pronunciation of 黄 , Huang or Hwang in Mandarin.

So like… clearly they knew?? But?? Decided not to go all in on it??

(And then Daniel Dae Kim is his face model and I just??? Bro’s Korean, hello?????)

And then there’s the name of Wong Tou’s gang. The Ganzhe.

Which is a stupid name.

The Chinese dictionary gives me 甘蔗 which translates to sugarcane, which. I get it. The plantation times. The Chinese and the Japanese and the Filipinos and the Portuguese and whatever all used to work on the cane plantations.

…But you’re out here calling your BIG KNIFE GANG “Sugarcane??”

My guy, you could start a reggae band with that name instead.

SPEAKING OF REGGAE-

No one knows how to pronounce Ganzhe properly besides Eric’s VA apparently? All the other VAs pronounce the gan closer to “van” when it’s supposed to be more like a “gone.”

Yes. That’s right.

Ganzhe is pronounced more like ganja.

You know.

The Marajuanas™

I’m a Hawai’i-born Chinese, first-generation local on my mom’s side and third-gen local on my dad’s. I grew up in Chinatown, so this was a section of the game that was near and dear to my heart. So I THINK and HOPE you’d understand my frustration to see that work needed to be done on the representation of my culture in this game. It was definitely a little fun to see my hometown modeled in this game- they got Maunakea Marketplace and Keikaulike Mall down pretty accurately and some of the motifs on the buildings made me do a double take because they were so familiar to me. BUT, man, this cultural aspect of the game needed A LOT of work.

SO TO FINALLY CLOSE THIS OUT

Japanese people love Hawai'i a lot.

I think Japanese people love Hawai'i more than Hawai'i locals do.

But as for portraying it accurately, I understand that no one can do it as well as a local islander can. Did I personally think they did the best they could?

………………ehh

Like, if you turn your brain off, it's fine??

If you turn your brain off and not let Palekana get to you, this game is fine.

It can be a little campy.

It can be a little Hollywood.

It can be a little Disneyland.

And despite my four pages of bitching about it, at the end of the day. It is fine.

So with that, I’ve hit like ten full pages on this Google Doc. Despite half of this review being me complaining about what they got wrong about Hawai’i culture in this game, I liked it a lot! When the game didn't have me strapped down for an episode of a J-drama or Hawaii Five-O, I liked running around town, fighting guys, making other guys fight other guys, and managing a resort island. If anything, this game actually motivated me a little to make more local-themed stuff, because as I notice people getting older, there’s less and less people to correctly preserve highly specific culture stuff like this. So a lot of that responsibility falls on me, y’know?

Thank you for making it to the end of this review! I know it was a lot. I don’t know what happened. I do recommend this game, but I ask that you do NOT finish the game with the takeaway that you have learned everything there is to know about Hawai’i.

I’ll fight you with a lawn chair (in Minecraft, for the FBI agent reading this) if you do that.

Other than that, I think you’ll have a lot of fun but also take your time because this game is, like, a 100 hour commitment. Not Persona 5 Royal long, but a commitment nonetheless.