#like i dont need to PROCESS about fan stuff... i already do that by talking about it w/ other fans

[doctorwhoisadhd]

see on one hand i COULD totally make trock but the only thing is. im worried about like. would anybody actually listen to it. like thats the difference w/ blaseball, the fan music scene was so excellent and popular that like i knew that if i made stuff and shared it people WOULD 100% listen and have nice things to say. and in general making and sharing ur music does NOT feel that way outside of communities that are really FOR that... and like its one thing to write my own songs for me bc thats not so much a choice as it is a requirement for my mental health in a very human "desire to create art" way. so in this regard its entirely another thing to write fan music... thats me contributing to a space, as opposed to my own "for me" songs that are just my way of processing my own emotions.

[iinryer]

long post abt women and fandom. good morning

sorry this is a little bit ramble-y, and I don’t normally post stuff like this but bear with me, i am processing gjfhdhffh

first of all: this is NOT directed at anyone in particular. this is not about anyone or anything anyone has done. this is me, a lesbian, having some dialogue with myself about representation and the way people think and talk and engage with fictional lesbians! this is not a blast on anyone, just general mindfulness, and wanting to work through some of my own hesitation abt things.

im having a difficult time engaging w the grander audience turning the boys into dykes, because i can never be sure where they’re coming from, yknow? like why i was hesitant to post before (it took me over a year to post my butch buddie silhouettes) and why im not sure if i want to post some other for-fun doodling ive done…

bc there Are lesbians on the show. there are specifically Black Lesbians, canonically, on the show

and like. idk. i dont want the things i say or post to be fuel for anyone being weird yknow? My Fake Lesbians Are Not Better Than The Real Lesbians Already On The Show

and i know that, and i know my friends know that but. I don’t have control over how people take the things I make. and i don’t want that to inadvertently make someone get enthusiastic in the wrong way that makes like, for example, black fans of the show, or specifically maybe black lesbians who watch, see an influx in people being 10x more delighted by these white boy reduxes than the real actual lesbians on the show. and yeah, sure, we could say “it’s just because they’re like a shiny new toy!” but we all know that isn’t all of it.

LIKE. MAYBE THIS IS IRRATIONAL. but. idk i have a sizable audience, i get a lot of traction, the things i say and post travel sometimes! people see what i post. people engage with and build off of things that i post. and, historically, this fanbase is Really Fucking Weird About Women And People Of Color

for the most part, playing in this sandbox is just a fun exercise for me, a lesbian. don’t get me wrong, i LOVE blasting characters with my Dyke Laser Beam and making them into women who love women. I’ll do it all day every day. i had soooooo much fun drawing butch buddie. i live for that shit. but! idk! im happy kicking around my own funhouse, but i feel like i need to take all of that into account if i make any of that public. yknow? community responsibility or whatever. i know it’s not on me if someone takes it in a bad direction, but! if i was the one who inadvertently facilitated that! i will feel awful! and tbh, there’s no guarantee that I haven’t done that already!

im just having fun, and you should be too! but this stuff makes me nervous! i don’t have any control over other people, and i just don’t want to be the cause of easily avoidable discomfort for others.

this isn’t some great declaration, and I don’t really have a moral or a call to action, there’s not a real solution in this stream of consciousness post—in the grand scheme of things, this is all make believe and for fun! im just. idk. it feels really important to me to acknowledge that this could spiral in a way that’s actually kind of awful for Real Life Fans who have to see the way other fans engage with and talk about lesbians and black women.

this is something I’ve been thinking about for a while, and it’s been on my mind recently, but with the influx of chatter about it i just felt like it was maybe worth talking about.

anyway. i love u lesbians. im drawing more henren soon <3

[tiny-sassy-aggressive]

DAN AND PHIL REACT TO PHAN TWITTER REACTIONS w/ timestamps

.03 sir please don’t crack your hands in my ears.

.11 way to early in the video for a phude Jumpscare

.16 DIP AND PIP ?!!!??

.26 tbh shoutout to Phil for acknowledging that even tho we have fan accounts, not everything we say, create, post is something we would want them to see. Love the self awareness. Appreciate the space he provides

.35 rip Dan memes and tumblr tags

.56 I actually needed to be told I am gorgeous and intelligent, I knows it’s fake but it’s nice to hear even if fake

1.37 WHY IS HE **** ********* THE MIC N O NO NO NO NO WHAT??????

2.08 chill Phil we weren’t gonna fight about it. You’re Edward… OKAY

2.25 how many times are they going to watch pinof 1 ! Babes you can do that anytime you want not just on camera

2.37 Phil is in FULL CRISIS realizing how messy he is as if they haven’t already talked about this before

3.09 TUMBLR NEVER LEFT. YOU LEFT.

3.29 the synced lean in as they discovered the dan has something in his teeth bit was a video

3.40 SO SO SO GLAD THE SOCK VIDEO MADE IT. AND HES ACKNOWLEDGING

3.46 SHOES SOCK VIDEO JUMPS ARE😭😭😭

4.24 “keep reading” oh goodness that. Sir. Okay.

4.44 hi just realized is Dan wearing a muscle tank under the see through shirt????? Side note. Want the see through shirt

5.03 FANTASTIC FOURSOME JUMPDVARE

6.14 NO DAN NOT KATE THEY ARE LISTENINF. DONT BECOME INVOLVED IN ANOTHER ROYAL CONSPIRACY

7.41 absolutely fire meme. I laughed so loud I actually had to pause the video. Worst part? I had already reposted on twt yet still reacted to it

8.05 he is staring into my soul. Hell how is he staring THROUGH my soul

9.17 no words. “It’s not a bad look” alakakakak???

9.22 So suddenly it’s not “we” anymore, huh?

9.53 rip Phil’s slit😫

10.08 I just through Dan making a joke then immediately hitting Phil to let him know he was joking was really funny. Stuff I do with my friends I am tactile

11.46 I ALWAYS thought that image was edited to have all of them. I didn’t realize it was a real photos

12.38 OH MY FOS????? JUMPSVARE WHAT THE HELL

12:45 those pounds weee so aggressive. It sounded like they really hurt. I’m hurt listening

12:46 Phil is watching that monitor like a HAWK he is NOT losing monetization bc Dan wants to wap

13.00 Phil saw and saved this and nobody knew. He lurks. Nobody is safe.

13:36 about nine “what can I say”s in. Dan has a genuine look of terror and confusion. He looks like he’s playing up his reaction a bit in the beginning, laughing and stuff and acting annoyed but this point is genuine horror and realization. This is so gold. Will be giffing later. Also precious Phil

14.50 okay the editing kinda memes his monologue a bit but i was high key inspired. He’s so wrote. Everything is a story that must be concluded. I love that thought process. Clearly bc I am also a grade a yapper but still

15:50 oh the immediate IMMEDIATE regret in Phil’s face

16:35 we love a self aware king. The poster was a tad rough

16:56 THUS CIDEO AND COMMENTARY JS SO SO SO GOOD

17:38 YES THANK YOU THE WADVERT WAS RVEFHONE. We couldn’t eat sleep or think without seeing it

18:11 please wash your blanket? Guys? Like? You can clean, wash, or dry clean anything. Please?

19:00 tbh saw under the robbing blanks and it wasn’t even that bad? Compared to every horrific demon phannie thing that has been seen? Not bad! Could have been worse

19:45 2021 period???? Hello??? You were gone since 2018? At least from dapg??

20:44 yet???? Capitolestor strikes again

20:50 did they not have a keep calm and something on poster in their apt at one point??? Some people?? You mean you???

21:16 I SAW THIS WHEN IT DROPPED. love dami sm. This video was so good

22:24 JUMPSCARE

22:55 “1992” “Daniel” calm down

23:25 “you also let me” guys??? How is this forced situation? Who decided??

24:20 he needs to back away from the mic I can feel him breathing in my ears my goood ess??

24:34 I’m screaming bc they used a clip from the section before we all thought they got high. This section they posted was just a cute section

24:54 literally speechless. Also jumpscare?

26:30 the entire dan induced conclusion is beautiful I love them and their banter

26:54 nvm can you lean into the mic closer and tell us you’re proud again??? Needed that???

[wasyago]

I would like to know what your boundaries are when it comes to interacting with you.

are you ok with requests or questions that don’t have to do with your works

are you ok with receiving headcanons that are not relevant to or may contradict with what you already have 

how many asks are you comfortable with receiving at one time.

Are there other things that you want us to know about fan interaction that I didn’t think to ask about

hmm oh man no one has really asked this before... i think as a disclaimer i need to say that im pretty bad at replying to asks, and half of them get ignored and deleted because i either forget about them and get too anxious to reply, or just don't know how to reply and never do.

i dont really do art requests, so if anyone sends one it will most likely be ignored, and if its not related to what im posting it'll be ignored 100%. there are some exceptions of it, but i still don't appreciate people asking me to draw anything for free. i suppose i don't mind questions about stuff outside of my work! no one really asks anything so i don't have a good example of it, plus it all really depends on the context, but if its good I'll reply and if its something i dont like I'll just ignore it. so, same as with everything i guess, so those are okay 👍

about headcanons hmmm... not sure? i dont know how to properly reply to them if its not something im into apart from "oh thats interesting" and "nice". like, i don't really wanna say stuff like "that cool but i personally think that you're wrong and here are the reasons--" and take someone's headcanon apart? it just feels rude? even if i do process the headcanon in my brain and there's a thought process of how it fits or doesn't fit into my beliefs, i don't really want to say it out lound to not upset anyone? but saying all this, it is still nice to see headcanons from different people and different perspectives, to have some variety of views and opinions and more diversity. because you never know what you might like. so, i think all headcanons are good, if i know how to reply to them i will, and if i don't then i won't!

how many asks am i comfortable receiving umm, well, i don't have an exact number picked hsghd. i guess as many as you want if you really have a lot to ask? i do appreciate it when people keep asks topical tho. so, if you're asking about one particular thing, it'd be nice if it was all in one ask that is easy to reply to. and if you're asking about multiple different things it's better to send multiple short asks instead of a big one. because its hard to reply to billion unrelated questions in one post. so for example your ask is good because all the questions are on the same subject, but if you asked me about the weather halfway through and then swithed to an ask about jrwi, that i wouldn't reply to, yknow?

for other things... i already said about the art requests, which are like the main thing i really don't like. i guess some things are better asked in dm's than asks, if that's anything? especially if it's something more personal to you or requires an actual dialog, but i can see why it might be easier to send an ask first and move to dm's later, so its not a problem. hmmmm and i suppose just the general stuff, like don't send suggestive asks if i don't know you or you weren't clearly prompted to, don't be mean to me or others, even as a joke it doesn't feel good, remember that im just a random guy on the internet, im not a robot i have feelings, so talk to me like a person, don't spam the same question if i didn't answer it, etc.

i think that's it? thank you for asking!!

[adoredmarigold]

Questions!! Yay!!!!!! I've got a lot to ask about, I'm sorry

1. What are your favorite ships other than david and lingard (tbh in some way that ship reminds me of kirk x bones, not sure if youre into star trek tho xd)

2. Ava or Tripp?

3. Favorite S2 characters? Do you have any S2 ships?

4. What do you think are the best possible and your favorite endings of S2, S3 and S4??

5. And of course, I wanted to ask, whats your opinion on Bonnie.

I feel like I've been asking you some questions before but I dont remember excstly what it waasszzzzzzddsdszs if I already asked some of these questions IM SO SORRY but I cant say no to asking twdg questions

hello :) 1. VIOLENTINE!!!! It's such a lovely ship I will defend it with my life, istg Violentine haters have yet to bring up a valid point as to why they don't like it. I have some crack ships like Eleanor x Kate or Eleanor x Ava, I don't have much to say about them I'm just gay and wanna ship my girls together lmao. hmmm, I've been seeing some Mark x Lee stuff to and that looks pretty cute. Ermmm this is making me realize I actually don't ship much in twdg lmao, I guess I also ship Clouis and Gabentine Clouis is sweet and has good moments but I just don't find them as compelling as Violentine (sorry Clouis shippers). As for Gabentine I guess I would say I ship it, but more so in a "first crush/puppy love" kinda of way, The relationship never becomes anything serious they're just kids with a crush on each other and honestly I don't need them to become anything more than that. aaaannnd I know nothing about Star Trek but you're gonna make me look into Kirk x Bones now, thanks. 2. Well if we're just talking about the characters in general then Ava, she's so underrated imo. BUT, if we're talking about whether I choose to "save" Tripp or Ava during the execution, I always choose to let Tripp live. I'd rather have Ava die here than get that stupid fucking death she gets in ep 5, Tripps death in ep 5 is a lot better cinematically and writing-wise. 3. Sarah :) She's been my fav season 2 character since the season first came out and I will never forgive the writers/fandom at the time for how they treated her, SHE DID NOTHING WRONG. As for ships I guess I don't really have any for season 2, I mean Alvin x Rebecca I suppose though I'm not particularly invested in either character. Never been a Nick x Luke fan, I get the appeal but it ain't for me. 4. I can't really say which ending for each season is the best cause it's all pretty subjective, but I will give you my favs :) I guess I don't really have a fav ending for season 2? I choose the alone ending each time just cause I can't deal with Jane and Kenny's bs, don't hate either character but Clem doesn't deserve to put up with their bullshit anymore, she's the main character it's fine let's just ignore the logistics of an 11-year-old going off alone with a newborn. I also like the Wellington ending alot though! Not only because it's the best location for Clem and AJ to end up at but it also gives a satisfying conclusion to Kenny's character imo. Kenny spent all of season 2 trying to keep Clem and in the end AJ by his side for ultimately selfish reasons and he became extremely violent and unhinged in the process. So to see Kenny finally be selfless and be willing to give them both up to ensure their health and safety really redeems him for me. Kenny loves Clem and AJ but I really don't think he's fit to take care of them, this is the best possible Kenny ending for me. 5. Bonnies cool. It's been awhile since I've played season 2 and 400 days so I am in a desperate refresh of her character, but from what I remember she was interesting. I def think the fandom goes WAY too hard on hating her, from what I remember she's not really any worse or better than any of the other adults in season 2, she's extremely flawed but hell who isn't in The Walking Dead. I get being frustrated with her but the lengths people go to shit all over her character is kinda insane to me. So overall I guess I don't have much of a strong opinion on Bonnie, she's an interesting character with alot of flaws but I don't think she's evil or cruel. I hope her and Mike where able to get away and join a community or something. Also, I distinctly remember her being my fav 400 Days character and having a crush on her when I was a kid lmao. wowie okay that's all I gotta say, and don't worry you're all good! If you (or anybody really) send me a question and I don't reply it's probably just cause I forgot to or I'm stumped on what to say. CRIES

[nyoomfruits]

I got questions. What is your writing process? What inspires you? How do you plan out the scenes? How do you create the dialogues? Just for research purposes, how long did it take you to write love you with the lights on? I am a big fan of your writing, if that isn't obvious 😘

HI I LOVE QUESTIONS THANK YOU

What is your writing process?

I'll talk a bit more about my planning process later but it's essentially. Get idea. Brainstorm idea with friends (this is essential. it helps me go from a ~vibe to an actual plot). Write outline. Make playlist. Start writing fic.

As for the actual writing i love love love using sprints because they help me focus (luckily i have both a discord server and a discord gc that have people in it i can sprint with, and sometimes i just sprint one on one with a friend) but to be honest with you i am VERY easily distracted so while i could probably write more, i usually don't manage more than like 2 or 3k a day. once i did 5k and my friends were like Who Are You. Oh and also tea. And a snack. Those are essential to the writing process too

What inspires you?

Anything? Everything? love you with the lights out was based on a prompt i got a while back. already home was just because i love fake relationship aus and i wanted to do something different with it for landoscar. idk i dont think i rlly have one thing that always inspires me specifically??? i just Get Ideas lmao

How do you plan out the scenes?

Usually when I get an idea it's mostly vibes, so then I bring it to my friends like a cat with a dead mouse and i drop in on their doorstep and go "how about this" and then we talk about it for a bit and i'm like "GREAT YES YOURE RIGHT I CAN WORK WITH THIS" and then i write a very rough outline.

I do always try to have every single one of my scenes Mean Something? like it either teaches you something about the character or furthers the plot. There's a lot of stuff that got cut from love you with the lights out that objectively would've been cute or fun to do but didn't really add anything to the overarching story.

anyway the outline changes very often throughout writing , when i feel like a scene doesn't fit anymore or needs to do Something Else than what i originally intended for it, so i'm not rlly married to the outline. it just helps me keep focused and also i'm very forgetful so otherwise i forget where i was going with the story lmao

How do you create the dialogues?

THIS IS THE HARDEST QUESTION IM SO SORRY but i just??? write dialogue??? dialogue is one of the easiest part of writing for me which means its the hardest part for me to explain haha. it just comes rlly natural to me

How long did it take you to write love you with the lights on?

i looked it up and the first mention of me actually writing this fic in the gc was on the 26th of november and i posted it on 9th of january so roughly a month?? which is pretty standard for my longer fics. already home took me two months but only because i took two vacations in between lmao

[lamonnaie]

GMMTV 2024 Part 1 roundup :)

it's been a day, i've had some time to gather my thoughts, so i wanted to get them all down in one spot. (Only really gonna be talking about the shows I plan on watching, in order that they were announced!)

1. We Are the series

aka ALL my favourite couples in one show ahhh 😭😭 i was so happy when the trailer started, you mean i get winnysatang marcpawin pondphuwin AND aouboom all in one??? i wanna be a bit cautious seeing it's directed by p'new and i'm not a huge fan of his work, but i'm super excited for this regardless :] looks like a cute romcom à la futs, which i rlly loved <3 i WILL be hyping this up no matter how it turns out :D

2. Only Boo!

rookie leads !!! strong msp vibes with this one (which i'm not opposed to at all, and i'm pretty sure is what they're trying to emulate) it looks rlly cute?? i know keen is from proj alpha so at least i'm not worried about the singing/dancing for once 😅😅 and we get aun in the side cp!! and louis dance role!! honestly this could turn out rlly good and i'm gonna tune in to at least the first few eps :)

3. Peaceful Property

The second tay slapped new in the face with the sandwich and jan instantly had her camera out, i was 100% sold. but fr, i love horror comedy and ghost stuff, and we get it with taynew + mook and jan!! all the dynamics look like so much fun and i already know i'm gonna enjoy this a lot

4. My Golden Blood

OH MY GOD THIS SHOW i went for a dinner break during the performances, then came back and was planning on just quickly skimming through the livestream to catch up. well, the first 20 seconds of the trailer played, and once i realised what was happening (JOSSGAWIN BL HELLOOOO????) i had to pause and faceplant on my bed for a solid 5 minutes to process it. vampire series would have already had me hooked, but jossgawin??? looking super gritty?? mond evil vampire moment?? neo with a baseball bat (in his sand era🤨)?? gawin my fav in another lead role??? Also the bloody kiss !!!!! guys i'm dead i'm literally writing this from the grave (hoping to meet my own hot vampire guy) Basically i dont care if the cgi's a bit questionable or if the story's cliche, i WILL be eating this up, be ready for it to be my whole personality

5. Kidnap the series

OHM!!! my day one!!! 😭😭 so he was hanging out with leng a couple months ago and i was wondering ahaha what if...? AND NOW !!! WE ACTUALLY GOT OHMLENG !!! i'm rlly happy to see him back to bl, and i like how he stars opposite lots of different ppl (just like gawin). The concept actually seems rlly interesting + more mature, leng is gorgeous and seems like a good actor, and the tied hands sleeping scene totally had me sold on the pairing <33 also ohm squared siblings !!! i rlly like ohm tpk :) and PAPANG WITH A GUN WOOOHHH i said i needed more papang on my screens and my wishes have been answered 🙏🙏 i'm gonna be so annoying about this show as well once it airs ahjskdjfh

[5.5. special mention: Summer Night]

gmm knew Exactly what they were doing with those first 30 seconds 😭😭 i was rlly getting hyped up for a dunkphuwin show but ofc it was too good to be true <//3 not gonna be watching this, but i'm still holding out for a joylada poly show at some point... pls gmm 🙏🥺🥺

6. Wandee Goodday

Okay so I saw the GreatInn lore a couple months ago (guys pls read it here it's insane), and i didn't think too much of it because it did seem kinda random, BUT HERE WE ARE WOOOHHHH this show looks so good??? Great with braids <3 ployphach <3 podd homewrecker era <3 mature bl with adult characters <3 directed by golf tanwarin <3 and even more good things!! also i have no idea what the song in the trailer is but it goes so hard, rlly suits the show. i'm all for this pairing and the whole show looks like so much fun Also thorfluke!!! (thor out here collecting all the flukes - thorgawin for 2025??) loved the situp scene and i'm rlly vibing with this pair <3 another show that will be all i talk about once it airs

7. High School Frenemy

God what is that name 💀💀 definitely one where just a literal translation of the thai name would have probably been better names aside, sky and nani !!!! i rlly liked sky in some other shows, and i'm loving the tension between the two. lol i had ohmsky and ohmnani on my gmm24 bingo, i guess we just got it without the middle man 😂😂 also i see they're pulling a double savage with the bromance toeing the fine line of bl hajskdj honestly i don't mind that at all, i think sky and nani have good chemistry and it doesn't seem like there's a random female side wedged in for drama. also so many of my favs as side characters, i'm happy to see them <3 overall, i'll probably watch it if i'm not too busy when it's airing (or just bingewatch it after)

8. My Love Mix-Up!

Gem4th series announced last, who's surprised lmao. this looks very cute!! i know nothing about the source material, but gemini and fourth are great actors, and i trust p'au's directing. i was hoping for something a bit more mature for them (like heartliming was) because i think they're so good in those heavier scenes, but i rlly don't mind this either !! i've been on a kick for less high school bls lately though, but i had the same thought for msp and that ended up being one of my fav shows of all time, so i'm not gonna go into this with any preconceived notions :) gonna tune in for this, no doubt gem4th will serve like they always do

Overall, i was rlly pleased with the lineup this time around. Lots of shows i'm rlly excited for !! a bunch of my favs didn't show up even once which... yeah, but i'm holding out for part 2 🤞🤞 :)

[kaisacobra]

Thank you for saying that it really means a lot, I actually used to write fan-fiction a couple years back and I’ve recently tried to start again but I’m very critical of what I write and how I write it so I’m incapable of producing a single chapter.

Keep it mysterious, I’ll be eagerly awaiting whatever you gift us ✨

Now that you mention it, yes I completely understand what you mean about R not being able to be extremely cold to Tara. R seems like the type of person who’d be hurt and disappointed, someone who wouldn’t necessarily be cold to Tara but would definitely hide from her. For R I’d imagine it’d be an internal battle of what she wants versus what she deserves, we already get a feel for that in the first chapter but it was easier for her to choose what she wants- which is to provide whatever comfort and happiness Tara wants because she loves her so much over what she deserves- someone who cares about her in a consistent manner and not only when it’s convenient (boo Tara😡). After Tara’s outburst I think R would have to force herself in every way possible to really process that she can’t put Tara’s needs above her own anymore, as much as she loves Tara doing that would reinforce the notion that everything Tara said is true. We know she always runs back but now that’s she’s been ridiculed for it she can’t.

The way she’s always there for Tara makes me wonder about her background. Maybe this is TMI, but I personally have experienced many relationships like this in the past. My father abandoned my sister and I at a very young age, so part of the reason I would always be there for them and never left first even when I should’ve but wouldn’t- was because I never wanted them to feel as unloved and unworthy as I did when my father left me. By the time I was a teenager I’d already forgiven him for all the abuse my family endured because of him, in my heart nobody could ever hurt me the way he hurt me- so I’d forgive them even though the people around me would expressively tell me not to, you know? But im older now and I stand my ground, i can leave when if its what’s best for me and not get too caught up in what’s best for them.

I’m from California by the way! It’s 10:30PM right now, you’re from Brazil though? That’s so cool! Did you grow up there? My parents were born in Mexico but they moved to USA in the late 1980’s, I wanna move to Mexico and live there for a couple years because my mother loves and talks about her hometown so much, the idea of seeing where she grew up in person and picturing her as a little girl warms my heart.

- ☘️ (I’m gonna use this as my anon tag from now on)

I feel like everyone is gonna be critical when it comes to their own stuff, like, I'm not kidding when I said i thought second best wasn't that good, specially because I used to be an essay tutor/monitor at school and my writing had to be more than perfect. Just remember that usually you're gonna be more critical of your work than other people and it doesn't mean that what you write is actually bad.

I'm so sorry that happened to you and I'm glad that you can stand your ground now!💪 I know this will sound oddly ironic but all the background information I have on R is about... Tara. In my head, R is divided by past (beginning of friendship, woodsboro), present (the current mess) and future (what's gonna happen) so, in a way, maybe her life is all about Tara😔

I don't think R's family are gonna make an appearance so I'll leave it up for you guys to hc whatever you want as R's reason for being so attached to Tara.

California seems so nice! And yeah, i grew up here and i wouldn't have it any other way🤭 Maybe this happens to everyone in their own home country but i just love my culture and history so much, I can't imagine living anywhere else.

Mexico sounds super cool! I've been wanting to go there, specially in 2026 because of the world cup (really wanted to see it live) but i dont think it's gonna happen😔 Either way it's a beautiful country i wanna visit someday and i definitely have to start improving my spanish.

[basofy]

ON UR LATEST POST I HATED THAT ENDING SO MUCH LOL they were both so out of character?? i do like the idea of buddy verbally breaking buzzo down but idk they did it so badly it didnt feel like the two of them at all especially him being all GRR YOU BITCH like eben if thats just the joy getting to him IDK it just. felt so :/ to me SORRY FOR THE LONG ASK

oh hi lolll dw about the ask i like getting asks(as long as i can think of a reply)

yeah much like with other stuff in the definitive i liked some of the concepts in the dialogue/ending but not the execution, as some people have already said it the stuff buddy tells buzzo feels more like the game is trying to make up for the fans's mistakes when misinterpreting lisa instead of trying to work through the mistakes it had made with the characters in the past, much like buddy's words about brad later on don't feel like it's her talking but it's instead austin talking agshgahgf i think all this happens because joyful continues failing to fully put itself on buddy's shoes so she becomes hard to write she barely even has a personality and it's sad, i did like some of the new stuff but the way it was set up and concluded is kinda goofy

i was surprised to see that the definitive edition managed to expand lisa's character nicely (save for that one implication buzzo made about hearing her voice and blah blah) but it didn't do the same for buddy as much as it tried. i think the stuff buddy says is especially weird because it all feels like conclusions we didn't see her reaching we didnt get to see the process and some of the stuff feels unfair to her as well, and making buzzo lame feels like a desperate attempt to get people to understand this guy isnt good he's just saying shit!!!! and it's funny some fans still dont get it lmao, i feel like it tried so much to make buzzo look bad and it didn't do it in the way it could've done it?? buddy could've had beef with him about how much he mistreated her, they dont even talk about the nipple thing even though it was aknowledged in the dream segment, also i would've preffered if buddy learned about lisa through buzzo instead of through weird ghost stuff but i'm wondering if she really knows at all?? i admit i cant be too mad cuz i understand that making joyful better would require rewriting soooo much stuff which was maybe not possible i dunno

i think austin understood that lisa needed more told about her as a human being rather than a haunting memory and that was rly nice to see yet it failed to understand that buddy's issues is that the story doesnt feel like it's about her that much, it tries to solve so much stuff for everyone that buddy is left with so little

[beautifulpersonpeach]

Hi BPP! You seem kind if level headed about most things so thought you might have some advice. Since getting into bts I've mainly used twitter to keep up with things, but have long found it too stressful with the fanwars, the negativity to bts, some army loving dicourse too much and demands from some about streaming/voting (which I do anyway, but the guilt trip posts start to stress me out) etc plus reactions to anything seem amplified there. I've tried several times to curate my timeline, only follow official accounts and trusted update ones, but still a lot of nonsense ends up reaching me. I've even tried deleting the damn app, but always end up back because I've not found anywhere better for updates yet. Maybe its because I already suffer with anxiety that a lot of these things effect me more then they should, but with all the enlistment stuff I really think I need to find better places to spend my time. I used to use tumblr years ago (before I was into bts) and since blowing the cobwebs off my account and going through my old posts I remembered how much calmer being a fan on here felt, so I'm thinking this might be a good platform to try and spend my time on instead. My only concern is that I'll miss actual news and translations as twitter just seems a better platform for that real time. How do you manage your fandom experience? And are there any good blogs here you'd recommend? I just don't think I can handle each of their enlistment periods putting up with both kmedia nonsense and armys instant reaction to it like you said on one of your previous asks. I know it won't do me personally any good and if I'm just stressed all the time I'll start associating feeling stressed with the boys, which I dont want. Honestly finding your account where you actually discuss things in a calm manner has felt a blessing when I've been both over stressed by twitter and feeling a bit lost on tumblr so thank you.

***

Hi Anon,

I hear you on all this, but I think the way I 'manage my fandom experience' might not work for you because going by everything you wrote, I suspect we have very different personalities. Plus the way I stay updated is mostly from actually talking to people, friends in Korea and outside Korea, rather than checking in with update accounts and things like that. Like most of the time I'm online for k-pop, I'm online with friends on Daum... not Twitter or Tumblr. This is what I sort of organically developed over the years and during significantly crazier times in k-pop.

Occasionally I get asks wanting advice on navigating k-pop or fandom in general, and it kinda stumps me because fandom is just a microcosm of wider society so just do what works for you out there, in here. It's a process of trial and error, but eventually you'll create an environment you like staying in.

You're also doing all the right things already. You seem self-aware of your limits and how staying longer in an environment you find toxic could impact other things such as how you view the tannies + the fandom. You mentioned checking out different online platforms and I agree with you that Tumblr better allows you to isolate for what you actually want to see, way better than Twitter does. Tumblr, rather than Twitter, is the best platform to create an echo chamber which is essentially what you're asking Anon. I don't follow many accounts here and most of the accounts I do follow are pics accounts for the rapline and jikook, but one account I'd recommend that updates with current events for all BTS members very promptly, is @jung-koook.

On Twitter, I have notifications set on the official BTS accounts and usually add new events to my calendar right away (but this is also something I do generally for other events to stay organized). The people I follow on twitter outside of official accounts are friends who I've known for an average of 3 years (from all sorts of fandoms), as well as some producers and music magazine editors. I look out for people who seem genuinely interested in the music over anything else. I have a fairly big account on Twitter but I'm also a vintage twitter user (think circa 2007) and so I'm very comfortable navigating the madness happening on there daily. And this brings me to one big point: if you plan to spend any time in fandom, any fandom, you might have to work on your tolerance.

Basically, you can try to curate your online environment as much as you like, but so long as you're dealing with people or are anywhere you expect to interact with strangers, then you need a higher tolerance baseline. I answered another ask recently where I said fandom probably skews higher than the normal distribution of freaks in a population, so no matter the platform you're on, you're just going to have to expect to see weirdos. Like you might be surprised to learn that even with my apparent 'reasonable' approach with this blog open for less than a year on a 'calm' site like Tumblr, I've had my fair share of weirdos and manufactured drama. It's unfortunate, but also just par for the course.

The basics: block people you don't want to interact with, mute words you don't want to see or that add to your anxiety. You don't need to explain yourself, but also understand you'll still see things you don't like. With my personality it's easy for me unlook weird shit and focus on what makes sense to me, but for others I can understand if they need hard limits on that sort of nonsense.

*

TL;DR

Tumblr is better for creating echo chambers than Twitter. Tumblr is better for controlling what you want to see than Twitter is.

One account I'd recommend following here is @jung-koook who posts frequently and promptly for all the members.

On Twitter I have notifications set on the official BTS accounts. I mostly only interact with a handful of friends on Twitter though I have a fairly big account on there.

There's no shortcut to creating a space that works for you. It's trial and error but you seem to already be doing all the right things.

Develop a higher tolerance for weird. Fandom brings in all sorts of people, pay attention to things you like, block things you don't, and eventually you'll find your people. That's not a platitude, it actually generally works.

Goodluck Anon. 💜

[loverintofolk]

What makes me piss off is the USA fans acting like "this has never happened before we need a statement from her" 

Well gest what? you got what you want, but theres a place in the world where fans never get the refound of lover fest and didn't even have the support from her team ... but it was with latam fans so it doesn't count to you

And gets even worse because when we talked about our situation and we were flooding taylornation tweets for some help, only a fews fans from USA support us

Most of you was denounce our tweets as spam because "taylornation cant change the politics" and with the spam taylornation wasnt able to finding yours tweets about your pets baking cookies while listening lover

Now you say that "taylor can change the politics of ticketmaster"

But you only said this because you find out that reciving a quote from taylornation doesnt make the tickets arise into your home

International fans has talked since forever that taylor need to change her team ... but only now you guys are caring about this

And you wanna know what scares me more? that taylor stops the conversations about the internationals shows that was supposed to happen in 2024, to add more dates to US tour and leave internationals shows to 2025 or whoever knows when the US tour will ends

I'm really sad about a lot of things that you guys said and do to her in the last few days, and she already came here to say that she will find a way to resolves this while we didnt recive an "i am sorry about the situation but i tried and i cant do anything more"

i've saw fans saying in that time of the lover fest situation that she doesnt need to go to a country that dont speak English because the people wont understand her

And well seems like the taylornation team wont change so once again the USA fans gets everything and the others country gets the rest (if remain something for the others countrys because sometimes doesnt exist the rest)

Just add that the lover fest situation was more simple to her team, because if others artists (that was supoust to came here at the same time that her with others company) changed politcs and gets the refund to brazilian fans ... why her team couldnt do the same to us?

We dont even know if she or her team tried to do something for us, its different that she change the ticketmaster situation 'alone' (and seems she will try to do something for you)

The situation for USA was caos some people wont able to buy the tickets or buy it for a lot of money and was a stracefull situation .. but you get a statement from her that she will try doing something we really basacly lost our money in a pandemic and ever her team never said a shit about it

"I'm extremely protective of my fans... by doing it myself with my team who cares as much about my fans as I do" makes me think that they only cares about USA swifties

Because where was some statament about the latam? We only wanted to feel shelter even they cant do anything

You can live in your bubble all you want and whine over little things knowing that she will always come to your rescue and you can discord all you want but it is clear that the difference in treatment between the fans is yealling. So what you claim to soffer, we soffer 13 more

We past to all of this stuff and some others ... and we still here to support her, even when she wasnt here to conffort us, we stayed here

And you didnt see a latam swiftie burning cd/merch (well 99% cant buy them but ... this isnt the point) or saying REALLY bad things about her as you were saying... while you guys are complaning about this stracefull situation and never give her the bennefict of the doubt

The situation between taylor/tn and international fans is sad but i feel that i'm already came into a aceppet process that if she came or give some warm to us ok, if she doesnt do ok too i will stay here anyway but the USA fans actions over the course of this week makes me angry

I know that the USA is her main market and will always be, there is no way to compete or compare with them

But latam is a market that has been growing on its own, without the help of her team and has the stature to go head-to-head with some others markets that she/her team has always paid attention to

The lover fest show in brazil was only 2 dates, but it was 2 dates for ALL latam and a lot of fans from another country were affect by a 'law' that werent from their country as we go through a pandemic ... and a 'law' that taylornation could do something about it

Like i get it that probably t4f (our ticketmaster) said to taylornation that all the things about the refund was happened according the law (because this what they said to us)

And its totally aceptible that taylornation believed in them in the first moment, because they dont know about the laws in Brazil

But since the moment that we came into internet to say "we saw some artist get the refund for their fans even with the laws, please try to do something" and taylornation choose to be online and quote some random tweet about a fan baking cookie

Well i think thats is where the problem lives

 I you dont understand this yet .. the law said that the refund wasnt obligatory BUT IF THE COMPANY CHOOSE TO DO THEY COULD DO

So a lot of team from others artist came and talked about it with others companys and get into a agreement and fans get the refund

Why taylornation choose not to do it with us? Because if they tried and couldnt do anything ... they could said it and we will understanded

 What we dont understand its where were those 'my team always protect my fans' that taylor talked in this letter about the usa shows ... where this protection went when we needed them?

It's great that she said something about the USA situation and I hope she actually does something about the shows because it's her main market and the whole situation was stressful for everyone, there was a LOT of things wrong that still need to be explained

I hope that taylornation are working and that the situation will be resolved as soon as possible, in the best way for the fans, not for ticketmaster, not for taylor ... for the fans

But i hope that international dates, that probably are on the way to be scheduled, dont be affected

And more than that, if taylor came to talk about international dates before she add more shows into the usa (i think she will do that) ... i hope the fans from usa dont lose their minds and start talk shit about her again

 Because i think she can do US - INTERNATIONAL - US ... end the tour where she start because of the demand (even its take some time to her get back to usa)

 Anyway ... there's more i want to say but i'll stop here

PS: I'm not fluent in English so there are probably a lot of writing errors, but I hope that the interpretation and intention/context was understandable

[incarnateirony]

Looks like another prequel series is being floated over at the see-w 👀😬

Which will be produced first? Jensen's or Harold's?

Maybe they'll have it back to back on Thursdays.

Jensen's. The Winchesters not only is in script form but has a script commitment. I've been posting about this on twitter but I checked back-end,

It's optioned. Meaning they haven't actually purchased rights to the screenplay, but as much the right TO buy it if it's made at some point in the future, no financiers, directors, etc yet, no stakeholder deals, it's like copyright holding the Idea.

Basically, it means they have a hold on the idea so nobody "steals" it now that it's announced. The process can last ages and can end up in development hell, a stage even before production purgatory, and requires all tentative planning to fall into place to even START pre-prod.

When discussing "Optioned" and explaining, someone asked "so, is the Winchesters more of a sure thing than the Wanker prequel?" The simple answer: Yes. The Winchesters has a script commitment from CW, which basically means they still have to pay Jensen if they don't do it.

Per before, "Optioned" means "basically protected from idea theft if we DO move forward with it, we haven't talked to anyone meaningful about it, but a few vaguely interested noises have been made, scribbled in a notepad somewhere, no development."

The Winchesters isn't only in script, but had its script phase announced in June and entered, meaning it's probably made motion since that just hasn't been announced or updated, and that's not minding the script *commitment*. CW would literally have to pay Jensen even if they DON'T use it.

"Optioned" would be closer to what The Winchesters would have been in back before Jensen secured his deal with the WB that allowed him to move forward to begin with, when he wandered in like "hey so get this-- spn prequel, dean narrates" "OK tell us more"

For example, Winchesters was probably "Optioned" through the period Jensen was blasting his LGBTQ marketing and stuff everywhere for the studio to get treads and visibility, which is how you earn investors and financiers, basically.

I can ALSO promise you this Wanker development is EXCESSIVELY new, because I literally checked jpeg's production page 2 days ago to see what he and gen were working on, and the "optioned" listing wasn't even there yet.

This is furthermore funny, because Jensen kept his stuff under wraps for a year, didn't list it, the release was a leak when already in script mode with a commitment from CW, but jpeg's sketching out half formed ideas and updating to go I CAN DO PREQUELS TOO!!!!!!!!!!

Less than half a year ago harold had a mantrum over not having part in the spn prequel, he recently mumbled with gen about working on 3 ideas, and now he's rushing out imdb updates to try to pitch it going "LOOK!!! LOOK!!! ME TOO!!!!!"

This is literally "I DONT NEED YOUR STUPID PREQUEL I CAN MAKE A GOLD OF MY OWN!!!" and trying to chum the waters hoping people express enough interest to get cw to order it, and get financiers involved, which is funny because without Jared's face all over the screen even his most hardcore fans aren't gonna want it, it's not gonna have Lindsay. It's gonna be in a more racist reconstruction period than even today about white people again. I swear it's like he's putting out an acme box going "pspspsps Jensen what about THIS western, I made another rogue named Hoyt!!!!"

[star-sworn]

LIKE, IS ANY OF THIS FOR REAL, OR NOT??

None of this... makes sense to me...

The first time I watched it I literally could not even process any of it I had to watch it like three times before I retained anything

I saw Strelitzia and my brain broke but what really got me was the shot of Sora walking onto the balcony. My brain was just pudding seeing him on the couch but then in that close up of him walking outside I saw his eyes and I was like it's him. I hate to be dramatic but I miss Sora literally every day seeing him again and knowing he's alright is literally making me cry right now sunset. He's been through so much and still the moment there was trouble he ran in to help. He's still our boy through and through and I'm crying again

Nomura said in a statement he chose to prioritize kh4 over verum rex because the fans were worried about sora and he was talking about ME

I hate to be That Bitch but like I really wish we'd seen Kairi I need her to get an arc so badly and this didn't exactly reaffirm that but I hate to complain about literally anything this was incredible I have no complaints

okay one complaint not thrilled about a new gotcha ass mobile game but hey story is story

Sora has grown up so much... he's already been gone a year... was he asleep the whole time?? HOW DID HE GET TO KAIRI IN MOM I NEED TO KNOW. WHAT DID HE SAY TO HER BEFORE HE VANISHED PLEASE IM BEGGING YOU

ALSO THEY WERE PLAYING NACHTFLUGEL DURING THE PART IN QUADRATUM WITH THE DARKSIDE I STARTED VIBRATING

and YESSS THAT SWING DEARLY BELOVED REMIX IS MAKING ME ASCEND IM FEELING THINGS I DIDNT KNOW I COULD

and the fact that we saw Donald and Goofy too... just the best and that they're going to get HADES to help maybe???? I am so excited

my heart is racing and i keep crying on and off literally every hour I'm going to remember this day and this feeling forever this will live in my heart it will never die just like Nomura said

also like, the fact that they had an in person event like this shows how much they adore their fans. like what other franchise gets stuff like this? what did we do to deserve kingdom hearts man... they love us back just as much as we love them

sorry this is so long my brain is just mush no thoughts only sora I miss him so so so much I wish we'd seen him missing kairi because im a cretin

I'm so happy you got to see strelitzia... im so happy for you!!! I'm really really glad Sora isn't there alone...

all this stuff with the MoM and Brain and HOLY MOLY I DONT EVEN KNOW THERE ARE SO MANY MYSTERIES KH IS GOING STRONG AND IM FEELING EVERY EMOTION MY BRAIN IS JUST MALFUNCTIONING TODAY

[itmightbeneb]

Final thoughts on the manatreed thing

so my original outraged reaction post got notes despite me originally only tagging it with trigger warnings so i wanted to make a better one. I added some tags to that buuuuut it was just an overview of my thoughts on the situation coming from anger directly after reading dreams twtlonger

OK so my actual thoughts: i point blank refuse to read ANY doxxed info, so im not gonna go through and decide whether i think mana did it, to me its pointless to discuss it either way, if im reading dreams twtlonger correctly, i think that he may have done it. But to the people who were like nah nobody would just run away after being accused of that: i probably would, and ive never even talked to a cop in any official manner in my life. I also have anxiety, and wouldnt be able to handle kf trying to doxx me. So in the end, i still dont know whether he did it, and to be honest i dont care

lets say he did though, where does that bring us? if he did, he still didnt deserve to be doxxed, he still didnt deserve to have so many people coming at him all at once, nobody deserves that. doing a bad thing to a person who has done bad things doesnt make it right

the fan reaction to dream as well was disgusting. idk why people went only after dream and not sapnap, who would have also known, i havent gotten a straight answer from anyone. he is a victim of abuse himself, this is not something new we learnt, we knew this already. yes he fucked up with his response, no shit. But if a friend of mine was getting doxxed by kf of all places, i too would be so dissapointed in my fanbase if they took it as true (especially at first before i did any digging). his reaction was bad, he didnt deserve all the hate he got, these two statements can coexist.

in the end, i hope this fandom learns to give people time before demanding explanations, especailly with all the new info that was constantly coming out, and to take care of which sources they get their info from.

whether u were stressed or apathetic doesnt matter to me, the people getting angry at others for their responses to the situation (beyond the harassment of dream and mana) are the ones who are pissing me off. the people who are like unfollow me if u liveblogged the sapnap lore stream rn >:( are pissing me off. different people react to these things in different ways, and if liveblogging the lore stream or not caring until the final statement was given helped u cope? great for u im glad you kept yourself calm. beyond harassment, any of the reactions to the situation felt natural and normal to me, sometimes people react in different ways and we need to remember this and be considerate when we tell people how we feel about any given situation. the only real unacceptable reaction to all this was the harassment

If mana did do it, i hope he takes this time where he doesnt have to worry about rent to learn and grow and do some self reflection, this can be very hard to do when youre constantly stressed about living situations and everything. i hope he learns and can take te time he needs to become a better person, and have a better life in the future. it is possible for him to become a better person.

its also important that we remember that the victim wanted none of this, she wanted to be done with everything, and we dragged her back into this while creating a massive shitstorm for two other people. in the space of a couple days, one victim of abuse was harassed (dream) and two had information leaked (dream and mana’s victim). we need to be better with how we process stuff like this, with kf constantly going after dream something like this is bound to happen again, and we have to act better next time

overall this has really made me think about who i follow, i unfollowed a lotta dtblr today, the ones getting angry at the way others reacted. if you were stressed or anything please take a bit to urself, remember you can unfollow blogs that annoy you/make you more stressed and take time to do stuff thats not mcyt related (rewatch an old show u love, vc ur friends, go on a walk, etc) if u need someone to talk to my dms are open and ill get back to you as soon as i can

sending love and peaceful vibes <3

[jung-koook]

omg i stalked the hell out of you just now (sorry for that) and i am in shock. you've been here for the longest time??? you have posts from june, 2013. that's insane. i really want to ask you how does it feel, being part of this for more than half a decade. they've changed so much and it's hard to process as someone new, can't imagine seeing that happen real time. they used to be so dark and now they're not, plus they're heading the industry by far. it's so mind-blowing. what was what sparkled your interest in the first place? they look/sound nothing like they did during debut, it's like two different groups. omg. anyway this a weird ask ik, sorry again. and thank you for all your edits/gifs! thank you for still creating stuff for the fandom ♡

first of all i already want to apologize for the bad english ♡

every time someone says they stalked my old posts i want the floor to swallow me LMAO there are so many cringe posts there. please dont do that to your eyes laksaksk ok, lets start by answering what sparkled my interest in this amazing group. ive been listening to kpop practically since i was born and ive always been interested in new groups. there was a forum that talks about rumors of new groups and stuff, there i learned about namjoon and the group he would be part of. at that time there was rumored to have other rappers who would be part of bangtan, before their debut time, bangtan already ~sounded~ different from what they were when they debuted. then after that i learned more about namjoon, the group and listened to some of namjoon predebut songs and started to like him. the one who sparked my interest in bangtan was namjoon but the one who made me stay until they debuted was jeongguk. before they even debuted i was crazy about jeongguk laksakls. i lost count how many times i watch their predebut logs and videos. before they debuted i met other people who liked them and these people wanted to make a gif bfor bangtan, then this blog happened. before it was supposed to be a blog with 4 people but they didnt have time to make gifs :/ so it was just me who made gifs here. me, who never had a tumblr and never made gifs in my life ALSKASK. so thats why this is a sideblog ); being in this fandom since the beginning is something really special and important for me. i have experienced many things and emotions here. i had a lot of friends who also started to like bangtan since their debut time but they stopped liking them for those reasons that you are talking about. these friends talk about feeling distant, feeling that bangtan has changed. it is obvious that these changes happen and were not expected but i never saw these changes as negative. i still dont feel this distance feeling. in fact, i feel more and more close to them and at the same time far away. i know its confunsing but its not bad feeling. its just, bangtan and their songs helped me a lot in my life. i always say that id be a totally different sky if i didnt meet them. but i put bangtan in a dangerous place in my life. i depend a lot on bangtan emotionally and physically. and for me that feeling did not do well. and that feeling didnt do me any good. i'm the same age as jeongguk, so i feel like i grew up with them. i was a kid who was 10 years old diagnosed with depression and saw no reason to smile. when i found bangtan they transformed my life. when i was sad i just watched their videos and listen to their song i forgot my personal life. many times that i thought that there was no reason for me to exist in this world but in bangtan i found a ~cover~ for my empty feeling. before i wanted to look for real help, bangtan was that help for me. bangtan still makes a huge difference in my life, just thinking about being without them i feel like crying! i'm not even exaggerating here. i think it was for these reasons that i didnt care much about their changes like my friends did, even though some made me wonder "why is bangtan doing this". like, boy with luv LAKSAKSK i dont hate this song but i never imagined this boy with luv bangtan 😆. so this was my short story of how i'm still here all this time and i know i'll never leave it here. one of the things that is so special about stan bangtan that many fans have a very similar story of how they became a fan. there are many fans who met bangtan at a time in their lives that they really needed them. and it makes me so emotional! i know a lot of the new armys wanted to be here from the beginning but the most important thing is that they came into your life when you really needed it. i dont like to be too personal here so i'm sorry. and idk why but my dyslexia seems to have gotten worse these days so maybe my text looks more confusing than it used to be. i feel we are very lucky to be an army, and to love this group that has an incredible history and that has done and does things that no one ever imagined they were capable of. i will love it if you tell me your story and how your interest in bangtan started. pleaseeeeee~ and please, you dont need to thank me sweetheart ok 😭

[drspencerweed]

What about 12 from the ily prompt list?👉👈

12. “I can’t stop thinking about you.”

I know all of these were supposed to be fluffy but this one got a lil angsty oops (i promise theres a happy ending i dont write sad endings) 

---- 

It had been a month since you had seen Spencer. A month since he had walked away from you, a month since you had kissed him, a month since your world came screeching to a halt. 

Maybe that was a bit dramatic. It wasn’t like you had even been dating, you were just casually fucking whenever he was home, which, with his work schedule, wasn’t very often. But casual sex with Spencer Reid was unlike casual sex with anyone else. He would usually stay the night, he was always down for cuddles after, and sometimes he would come over even if neither of you were in the mood just to see you. Slowly, what started out so casual became less and less so. Being in love with your fuck buddy was never in the plans. 

You really thought he felt the same, though. You saw him more and more often, and less and less for sex. Right before shit hit the fan, you had even gone out for dinner at a fancy restaurant. It was the morning after that you had taken the chance, confessed your love, and had your heart broken. 

As soon as those three words left your lips, he had recoiled. You tried to take it back, but the damage was done. He didn’t even explain himself, he just gathered his stuff and left. You hadn’t heard from him since. 

So maybe this idea was stupid, showing up on his doorstep. He might not even be home, and if he was he probably wouldn’t want to see you. But you needed answers, at least. You needed to know why. If he didn’t want to be in your life anymore, fine. But you needed to know how you misread the signals so badly. 

You had been staring at his door for a few minutes now, trying to work up the courage to knock. What you didn’t expect was his voice to come from behind you. 

“[Y/N]?” You turned to see him standing a few paces behind you, clearly having just gotten off a case. You froze, unprepared now that you were looking at his face. “What are you doing here?” He asked. He didn’t seem angry, at least, so that was a good sign. 

“I can’t stop thinking about you.” You confessed. His face fell when he heard the tremor in your voice. Avoiding eye contact, you blinked back tears that were already threatening to spill over. “And if you don’t want to be with me, I understand. I just-I’ve been wracking my brain trying to understand what I missed. I really thought we were on the same page. And then-and then you just left.” 

He stared at you, mouth open, but you continued on. Now that you had started it was hard to stop. “If you don’t feel the same that’s okay, I get it. It’s not- you didn’t sign up for me to fall in love with you. That’s not what you wanted. But I deserve more than the silent treatment and no answers.” 

When you looked up at him, you could see the conflict on his face. You were prepared for rejection, but waiting in silence was unbearably painful. “Spencer, please. I feel like I can’t trust myself anymore, if I was so wrong about this.” 

“You weren’t wrong.” He said quietly, not meeting your eyes. 

“What?” You asked in disbelief. If you weren’t wrong then why did he leave? Why did you spend the last month agonizing over every moment you’d ever had with him? 

“Can we go inside?” He asked, gesturing to the door. “I promise I’ll explain.” 

Still in shock, trying to process the curveball he’d thrown at you, you followed him inside quietly. He took a few moments to put away his gun and badge, and drop his satchel in his room. You sat on the couch, not settling into it, bouncing your knee and clasping your hands in front of you. 

When he came back, he sat on the opposite end of the couch, facing you slightly. His mouth opened and closed a few times as he tried to figure out what to say. Finally he said, “I was-I was so scared. When you said that. I had convinced myself that we were doing was fine, healthy even, and then you said that and I just- I panicked. I wasn’t ready to confront my own feelings.” 

“You could’ve told me that. Talked to me about it.” You argued. He chuckled and nodded. 

“I know I could have, and that scared even more, maybe. I’ve never felt this way before. For anyone. And it was like once you said it- it was real. And when things are real things go wrong. Especially for me.” He had confided in you about his past relationships, despite how few and far between they were. “You might not believe me but ever since I left I’ve been trying to see you again. To explain. We just had case after case and I thought this deserved more than a petty phone call. I know I fucked up, and maybe I don’t deserve a second chance, but if-if you still want me, I’ll spend the rest of my life making it up to you.” 

You barely believed what you were hearing. This whole month, this whole painful month, had been because he was scared of how he felt. Not because he didn’t want you. It didn’t quite click, and then you felt the couch shift and Spencer’s hand placed itself over yours, turning your attention back to him. 

“I love you. Even if you decide to leave, you deserve to know that. I’m in love with you.” He said. Your heart soared at the words. 

It would take time to rebuild the trust you had in him, and you knew this certainly wasn’t a magic fix to everything. But it was a start. It was a chance. 

“I’ll always want you.” You said, staring into his eyes. “You hurt me, I won’t lie. But I want this. I want you.” His eyes lit up, a smile gracing his face for the first time since you had seen him. It made you smile too, unable to contain your happiness. 

“Can I kiss you?” He asked. It seemed foolish, there was nothing you two hadn’t already done. But the tenderness and slight tremor in his voice gave away how important this moment was. 

“Please.” You whispered. His hand came up to cradle your face, and he pulled you in gently, pressing his lips to yours so lovingly you thought you could cry.