march-fall

[mcsiggy]

hey genuine question, i know a lot of us in our youth were told we were gifted, but has anyone been called borderline gifted?

where you're juuust on the cusp on being gifted but didn't quite make it??

[phyrestartr]

Divine Favour | Sukuna x Kitsune!Reader (Pt.1)

W/C: 3.5k #full is NSFW, mild yuuji/reader, yuuji and gang are v early 20s, heian sukuna, male reader, typical kitsune shapeshifting, mentions of abuse, canon typical violence, morally grey reader, sukuna has FEELINGS but is BAD AT FEELINGS, unhealthy relationships, power imbalance, dubcon elements, soz if anything is clunky asdkjf; i can only reread the same fic so many times for editing sadge

A/N: Decided to separate this into parts since I'm dying to post some of it lol I've held it in a chokehold in the shadows of my WIPs for too long, some of it has to come out before I explode o(--( there is more to come!

tag: @nyanwko @kamote-kuneho @better-imagination-9

The scripture was incomplete, worn away by age.

…herein lays the God...imprisoned...by...Disgraced One…

Yet the society felt this, the coffin uncovered decades ago, could be an invaluable asset. The vessel was decrepit and ancient, yet still stood strong against the test of time and the wear of nature. Seal papers, no doubt left by a monk of sorts, covered the entirety of its surface, hiding away rotting wood and rusted bands of metal from modern sorcerer's curious eyes.

Few knew why the higher ups kept the vessel under lock and key. Fewer knew why they kept it at all; however, those few understood the importance of such a relic. They'd been the ones to seek it out, to steal it away before malicious forces took it for themselves, warping the supposed deity inside for their own, malevolent purpose, whatever that may be.

And with Ryoumen Sukuna's fingers being found one by one, they could not allow anyone to possess humanity's failsafe: you. A great being imprisoned by the devil.

“Anything?” Gojo trilled, patting Yuuji’s shoulders frantically as he stood behind him and beheld the wooden tub covered in sigils. 

“Uh…” Yuuji tried to focus on Sukuna’s presence inside of him. He didn’t seem intrigued or frightened, nor did he seem too bothered with the idea of them trying to smite him down with a sealed god–he was, however, annoyed that Yuuji continued to poke and prod at him. 

Piss off, runt. 

“Yep. Nope. Sukuna doesn't care,” Yuuji sighed. “He's getting all pissy now that I'm bothering him, though.” 

Gojo laughed and patted Yuuji's shoulders a few more times before all but twirling towards the bound box. “Well, that's a pretty good sign that he's not the one that did this, then! In that case,” he started, walking up to the seal papers keeping everything locked down, “let's pop ‘er open.” 

Before Yuuji could even wonder if that was a good idea, the white-haired witch used an overzealous amount of cursed energy and disintegrated every scrap of seal paper. 

Yuuji braced for impact. Surely something terrible like a bankai or a spirit bomb would send them flying once the coffin came undone. Surely they'd pay for this, for unleashing whatever godly spirit laid locked up for far too long, only to release it back into the modern age and–

“Huh. Weird.”

Yuuji cracked open an eye and saw the dull shine of tattered onyx fur, and his control slipped with a blitz of vertigo. 

Markings flared across his skin as he stormed toward the coffin, heart howling with thoughts and memories crashing through a shared mind; a face he didn't know but knew so well bloomed at the forefront of it all, eyes framed in pointed scarlet, skin bathed in ancient, dappled sunlight.

They reached the edge of the coffin and gripped the edges, splintering the wood as they took in the sight; crimson and curse decay pooled around a figure, curled up and half-submerged. Several black, tattered tails spilled free from the tub, no longer crushed from the force of the lid sealing them inside, but they were bent awkwardly and matted with whatever tincture lay at the bottom.

Then there was the so-called god in the middle of it all–you. Still. Quiet. Curled up in a haori far too big for you. Eyes closed. Almost peaceful.

Confusion tore at Sukuna while nausea ripped through Yuuji; he couldn't bear to look at such a morose scene.

So, Sukuna pushed him aside.

[Heian Era]

You were never supposed to be anything more than a trinket. 

You were a gift from some family trying to show off for Sukuna, so much so that they offered him a delicacy, something he surely didn't have yet–a yokai. A kitsune, to be more exact. One with peculiar black tails. 

Sukuna found it interesting, and similarly desperate, to be brought such a creature as tribute. Certainly, it was meant to be seen as a high honour, yet somehow it felt…off. Why would humans give up something so powerful? 

Unexpectedly, it'd be you who told him. 

They submit me for the sake of convenience and mockery, your withering voice whispered where no one else could hear. You sounded weak. Tired. Maybe afraid, yet brave enough to reach towards the king and unveil the intentions of the men who brought you before him. 

Sukuna's eyes flicked to you, his feigned interest in what the sorcerers said falling straight into dismissal. You were much more intriguing. 

“Oh?” Sukuna asked, a smile creeping onto his face. The speakers ceased their jabbering and stared at your back with fierce intensity. Sukuna grinned wider. Oh, how he loved the way fear twisted mortal faces. 

You didn't shift or crumple into yourself under the eyes of so many, however. You pushed on with what little energy and life you had, so intent on dragging that clan through the mud. 

What I say is true, you assured simply. I expect to die today–

“Speak so everyone hears you, fox,” Sukuna commanded.

“--so I–I–” you coughed and cleared your throat, trying to rid your voice of the scratchy, weakness it struggled through. “I wish to not die with regrets.

"They have rendered me ill and unable to produce children, they see the black of my tails and regard me as an ill omen; yet they bring me to you, daring to spin sweet tales about the value of such an offering. But they lie,” You hissed. Your eyes glinted with molten malice, and Sukuna fell captivated.

“They throw me to you as they would diseased meat to dogs.” 

The courtyard fell silent, and Sukuna basked in it. You really were such a little troublemaker. A quietly chaotic force of nature. 

The king stood, rolling his shoulders as he did, and his pride flared as you dropped to your knees before him in respect. He walked to you and patted your head as one might a child's before appraising the sorcerers stood before him. 

“What a disappointment,” Sukuna sighed, raising another hand. The couple took up position, pooling their cursed energy in hopes of fending off the monster standing before them. The effort was quite cute. “Here I thought your clan might actually earn my mercy.” His hand dropped as the two lunged. Then, the two clansmen fell, too, both in neat, vertical halves. Quite overkill, yes, but he had a point to make. 

Where he expected a reaction from you, he got nothing. Only panting and poorly-stifled coughs came from you, racking through the entirety of your skin and bones frame. Sukuna could see it up close now, the way your body trembled from fatigue, the sickly greying of your skin, the scent of disease clinging to you. 

That wouldn't do. Sukuna liked his things to be in good shape. 

“Uraume,” Sukuna droned as he stared down at you, “fix this.”

It took some time, but you managed to recover. It was an unnerving experience, with the way Uraume tended to you with sincerity. Perhaps it was genuinity born from their devotion to Ryoumen Sukuna, but you greedily soaked it in, filling your stomach with the care they offered you. 

Sukuna didn't bother much with you, not that you really minded; you were much more content to be fed and forgotten than hunted down by the creature that supposedly took ownership of you without enforcing it. If he didn't cause harm or good, if he simply existed somewhere else and forgot you breathed the same air as him, you'd still be at peace. 

But he was more intrigued than you gave him credit for. 

“Ho? So this is where you scamper off to,” Sukuna hummed, leaning over you as you dozed in the nice little spot you'd made for yourself in the garden, right under the crimson cover of a maple tree. You jumped the slightest bit, your daydreams and sunbathing interrupted by the brute’s silhouette eclipsing the sun, but you settled again quickly. The beast of a man wasn't a cause for panic in your little world, after all. 

“Does it displease you?” You inquired, fixing your hair and straightening out your robes. 

Sukuna held onto an overhead branch of the tree as he looked down at you. “Pets are supposed to play in the yard, aren't they?” He smirked as you pursed your lips and flicked your tail before calming it with hasty pets. “What, you don't like being my pet?” 

“I would not refer to myself as a pet,” you countered as the man sat down with you and leaned against the tree. The king's presence calmed you. With him, you knew you were invincible. 

“Pft. Then pray tell what your damn role is around here.” One set of arms folded behind his head while the other set crossed over his chest. “Pets are freeloaders. Pretty sure that's exactly what you are.”

You huffed. “Freeloader. Tch. How rude.” 

“Lookit that. You're copping an attitude now that you're fat and fed. Used to be so much more polite.” 

“Fat and–I am not fat.” You headbutted his side lightly, something that would make more sense had you been in your fox form. You grinding your forehead against him suggested this was more of a human move, however. “I am perfectly normal now. I was brittle and nonexistent prior to now. This is a grand improvement.”

Sukuna scoffed a laugh and looked down at your head pressed up against his side. “Thanks to me,” he boasted. 

“Yes,” you agreed. You held onto his haori and looked up at him, placid and intense. “It is thanks to you. I would not be here if not for your mercy and intervention.” 

Sukuna raised a brow as he regarded you. “Hm. And what will you do to repay me?” 

“My very presence grants you luck, good fortune and fertility.” You tilted your head. “I already repay you by being here.”

Tch. But the gardens and surrounding lands did look more lush and lively since your arrival, he couldn't deny that fact. But he was a king; he could always ask for more and expect to get it. 

“What more?” He prodded.

Your tail flicked as you thought. “What would you ask of me?” 

“Something you haven't given another,” Sukuna replied. Ugh, your flowery, poetry-y, bullshit speak was rubbing off on him. 

You stared at him, gemstone eyes glinting with earthen hues and shards of gold in the yawning afternoon sun. The leaves bristled just perfectly, letting in dapples of citrus sunlight as if trying to make this moment something special, as if to burn your ethereal presence into history for all eternity. All this, just while you thought of what to give him. Perhaps a riddle is what you wanted. Perhaps purple prose suited your fancy. Perhaps it was something else. 

You sat up, carefully raising yourself onto your knees before leaning up towards the hulking king. He turned his face to you in interest, feeling a sort of natural energy begin to pool around the both of you, reaching from the far depths of the earth and the wide stretch of the sky to converge on your existence as you framed his face with gentle hands, and placed a chaste kiss on the corner of his mouth. 

It lasted only a second. But a second was long enough to catch the scent of petrichor and petals on your skin, to indulge in the heat of wildfires raging in your soul, to feel the blasphemy of you against him; then, you parted. 

“For now,” you murmured, and Sukuna swore he saw your single tail fan out into nine, “I give you my divine favor, Ryoumen Sukuna.”

You wondered if your favor was enough. He'd been gone some time, off to accept a duel from the snotty shitheads Sukuna had received you from. Apparently, having two of the eldest boys murdered rubbed them the wrong way. Sukuna was glad for it, you knew–the man lived and breathed for a fight. 

Of course, you stayed put. Uraume assured you'd be fine on your own, and Sukuna reminded his staff they'd all be eaten alive by the king himself if anything uncouth were to take place in his absence. It was more so that Sukuna didn't like the idea of idiots touching his stuff than it was the notion you were important to him, from your understanding. 

Regardless, the time alone left you restless. That king made you invincible. Without him, you were nothing more than the scared kit locked away in darkness, never to emerge lest your stubbornness trick them. But things were different here. Everyday was filled with unknowns and uncertainties when the two you'd forged fragile bonds with fell absent. 

So, you thought of how to repay Sukuna. Your divine favor would only do so much, after all–you didn't think a man like that really needed the extra luck, but he seemed more than intrigued by the manner of delivering the blessing; you remembered how he looked at you, eyes half-lidded, shielding you from the inferno burning out of control. He grumbled something low in his chest, just loud enough that you heard: 

You better be here when I get back.

“Ah–” The thrill those catastrophic words gave you nearly led to stabbing yourself with the needle. You tutted and regained focus, continuing to carefully embroider the sleeves of one of Sukuna's many plain black haori.

You learned how to sew and embroider from watching an elder from that clan work her magic on old, tattered clothes. She never spoke to you nor regarded you, but she never turned you away the rare times you watched her fix garments; you thought it was beautiful–the art of turning something mundane into something meaningful.

Though you wondered if Ryoumen Sukuna, the most powerful sorcerer, the most feared man alive, had a desire for anything useless and meaningful. 

The answer came quickly. You'd found yourself void of confidence when the monarch returned to his palace after (obviously) winning whatever duel he'd agreed to; you weren't sure if you were to congratulate him, celebrate him or something more. On top of that, he'd eventually find that haori you'd slaved over for days, and you weren't sure you could take the heartbreak of dismissal. 

However, those fears were quashed when, from a new little secret garden hovel, you spied the man donning the very haori you slaved over; it wasn't a flashy piece, you didn't want to subtract from the marvel that was the king of curses, so you opted for using black, shimmery thread to weave intricate twisting trees and blackened blooms along the sleeve. Only if the design caught the light would one be able to notice it. 

But that was enough for you. Knowing he accepted such a meaningless gift was reassuring of your place in his world. 

So, you finally let Uraume convince you to stay in the room they'd prepared for you. 

“No need to be nervous,” you hummed, that undying urge inside you to take care of something helping you soothe the young woman's nerves. You fixed her hair, your deft fingers carefully slipping strands into place before sliding a decorative pin in to hold it all together. You took a step back to appraise her, Sukuna's latest concubine. 

“I–thank you.” Sachiko blushed fiercely and bowed the slightest bit, not risking a deep bow for the fear of her hair falling loose. “I can see why all the girls love you.” 

You laughed, low and warm. “Well, it's hard not to love someone who takes care of you, no?” Gently, you tilted her chin up and leaned in, carefully examining the red lacquer staining her lips. The colour matched her kimono and the gems in that exquisite hairpin keeping dark locks at bay. “But I'm glad. I know it's difficult to find respite in these times.” 

Sachiko held her breath as she looked over the natural paint of crimson adorning your eyes. “I-I, um–yes, I do agree.” 

You hummed and carefully fixed the smallest smudge on the corner of her mouth. “Mh. So I hope you do your best to please him.” 

“I will!” Sachiko promised. “But–I wish to–may I give you something?” 

“Of course.” 

She gathered her kimono up in her hands and leaned up toward you. You leaned down, expecting a secret or hushed words, but perfect red lips pressed against your skin instead. And you were dumbfounded; you'd never been kissed before. You'd never had a lady show that interest in you. 

Sachiko got down from her tiptoes and hid her mouth with her sleeve. “Just for good luck!” She squeaked before bowing and hastily running through the doors where Sukuna would no doubt be waiting for his woman for the evening’s events. 

You looked at the doors sliding closed and caught a glimpse of Sukuna stood before the young woman, his frame swallowing hers as you looked on. And you caught a glimpse of his eyes, his stare of shock and utter vexation–clearly, he'd seen the short woman give you a kiss for good luck. 

You turned away, choosing to abandon the girl to her demise as your fingers ghosted against your lips in wonder. 

He showed up in your chambers later that night. You were still awake, quietly embroidering another haori; this time, it was for Uraume. They insisted they didn't want to burden you, but they crumbled under your more insistent insistence, and accepted the offer on the condition it looked subtle and muted. 

Sukuna padded toward you, hardly bothering to announce himself or ask to join you (ugh, how annoying) before plopping himself onto the futon beside you, sighing as he laid down. 

“I see you finished early,” you commented, jumping the littlest bit when large hands caught your flickering tails. He didn't hurt you, no; he was simply an overgrown toddler with a penchant for examining whatever wiggled before him. 

“That woman kissed you,” Sukuna answered, unhelpful. “Ruined it.” 

“Ah. Well. I didn't expect it either.” You cleared your throat, feeling an unexpected bubble of embarrassment rise in your chest. “I have…I've never been given a kiss before. Not from what I can recall, at the very least.” 

“The hell are you talking about?” Sukuna grouched. “You planted one on me in the gardens.” 

“Giving is not receiving,” you corrected, flicking your tail so as to hit his face. “I've never given a kiss on another's lips, regardless. Though I find myself wondering why I–” 

You yowled when he yanked your tail like he meant to rip the thing off, and you whirled on him, eyes drawn into slits and chunky fangs bared as you dug your nails into his wrist in an effort to make him let go.

Yet the king looked unfazed. He sat up and  tugged you closer by your tail, yank after yank, ripping an impressive collection of vexed noises from you until his broad hand caught you by the throat. You clawed at his wrist and forearm, scrambling to find purchase, idly wondering if he'd finally had enough of you and sought to put you down after dirtying one of his concubines–

But he kissed you instead. His lips were warm and dry, not quite soft yet not unwelcoming. Sukuna knew what he was doing, too; his tongue licked at your bottom lip before pushing inside to finally taste you and taint you from within just a little bit. 

Your grip on him laxed the slightest bit, and you even eased into his hold as he, too, refused to harm you further. If you weren't aware of his malevolent spirit, you might've thought him gentle in that long, simple moment–a special brand of “gentle” that was wholly Sukuna's. Kind, but jagged around the edges. 

He started pulling back, though, and you followed after his touch like a bewitched maiden chasing after the lips of a lover. You nipped at the air like that'd do something for you, but soon settled on leaning into the hand holding you still, even if your throat scratched and ached because of it. 

You found Sukuna's calm stare watching you when you opened your eyes a crack. For once, you thought he looked content; the cruel, mocking lines of his face had smoothed and relaxed, and that annoying, cocky smirk he'd been born sporting had been replaced with a placid, normal lilt. Even the inferno blazing in crimson depths eased into pools of yawning embers–warm and spirited, yet contained. 

The sight relaxed you despite the confusion it brought to your rationale. 

“That,” Sukuna said, so odd and quiet, but powerful and judicial. “Is your first.” His thumb stroked against the side of your neck, pausing to feel the pitter patter of your heart thrumming under his mercy. “It'd serve you to remember that.” 

You nodded shallowly. “Of course.” 

Pleased, he let go of your quite breakable neck and moved like he was about to get up. You grabbed at his hand and pressed his palm to the side of your face like he was cupping your cheek. Your insistence on touching gave the beast pause, but he settled again, content to let you keep him hostage for as long as you wanted.

And you indulged in the simple favour. You nuzzled into his palm with a very fox-like chitter as a bassy, quiet trill of a purr lazily rolled through your chest, eventually reaching Sukuna himself. It somehow had him feeling content. Relaxed. Like he was basking in the warmth of the sun. 

“I request another,” you chirped, and Sukuna quirked a brow. 

“Another?” 

“Kiss.” 

Sukuna twitched a smirk. “It'll cost ya.” 

“Oh?” 

“Give me another blessing.”

And you agreed.

[stinmybubs]

“Do It For Us.” Pt.1 1k likes special !

Summary: A simple girl, quirkless and will never amount to anything! Well that’s what’s she’s been told. Bullied along side Izuku Midorya, her best friend, and long term crush. Getting into UA and having a quirk? And she’s left behind…what’s left for her?

TRIGGER WARNINGS: bullying, domestic abuse, and violence!! NOT PROOFREAD !!

M. Izuku x AFAB! Reader! x B.Katsuki?

Quirkless. A label that’s been slapped onto you for as long as you can remember, something you couldn’t control. But you still got punish all your life, you were bullied, scorned, and outcasted by others and your own family. But.

You had Izuku Midoriya, another quirkless person. You weren’t suffering alone!

That’s what you thought at least.

For the longest time you’ve stayed by Izuku’s side, defending him from bullies, taking the hit for him. But he always had this big ambition to be a hero, you of course encouraged him.

“One day! Even though I don’t have a quirk…I’ll be just like him. I’ll make people feel safe!” The small boy exclaimed, the biggest smile painted across his face, and you admired that. You admired every part of this boy.

“Yeah! You’ll be the greatest hero! Show them all Izu, show them we can help…do it for us!” You wanted to share this moment, you wanted to be happy with him about this dream. All you could do was hope, but deep down you felt dread, knowing his dream could never be fulfilled.

“Y/n! Y/n l/n! Get your ass downstairs IMMEDIATELY.” Hearing the screams of your father, your heart dropping at the sudden call.

You heart raced with every step, trying your best to keep your composure before even reaching the bottom of the steps.

“Ye-“ before you could even utter a word you felt a sharp pain against your cheek. The hit was so strong you collapsed to the floor, the feeling of tears beginning to form in your eyes.

“What is this!?” Your father slammed a bunch of papers onto you. It was your test scores. C- and D+ written on all of them.

“I…I…I’m sorry father I-“ your words cut off with another slap to your face.

“First no quirk! Then you keep bringing these home? How useless are you? I expected you to at least to be smart since you’re quirkless.” Your father insulted you, and all you could do was sit there and stare at the floor trying to contain all your tears and rage.

It wasn’t your fault. You couldn’t control whether you had a quirk. It was your parents fault, something in their genetics made you this way! Is what you wanted to think.

“Go back to your room. Fucking shit…” your father turned to walk away, your mother making dinner in the kitchen not having a care in the world for your well being.

You frantically pick up the papers scattered on the floor, tears streaming down your face as you run back up the stairs to hide in your room.

All you could do was throw your papers on the floor and rush to your small closet. You’ve always hid in your closet, not even your bed or your room felt safe when things like this happened. The small cramped space made you feel safe.

Curling up in a ball, 15 year old you cried. Cried for hours until you fell asleep in that closet.

The next morning you quickly got ready before anyone could wake. Sneaking yourself food for breakfast and lunch.

As you make your way down to you and Izuku’s meeting spot you couldn’t help but think. Of how your mother wasn’t always like this, she used to defend you, she used to help you.

She used to love you.

But after all the bearings, after all the insulting she finally stopped. So broken down to the point where she couldn’t even look at you anymore. You couldn’t help but hate her for it, you needed her.

“Hey! Oh…what happened…?” Izuku quickly ran up to you.

You didn’t even notice the boy until his hand placed itself upon your cheek to make you look at him, the sting of the bruise made you flinch.

“Oh…! Uh…bullies ahah..got me last night.” You lied. The last thing you wanted to do was worry Izuku about your home life, he never knew about your family. And he never will.

“Ah..I’m sorry y/n. I’m sorry I didn’t get to walk you home last night.” He pulled you into a tight hug, tears begging to run down the boys face. You hugged him back, finding comfort in his warmth. A perfect morning. You thought.

You two chat, wiping the tears from each others eyes and make your way to your middle school.

You loved every bit of Izuku’s company, it felt safe, it felt like home.

“Yeah! Then Mount lady came in and-“ Izuku rambled on and on about the fight that happened with an amateur villain this morning. “Woah! I love Mount lady! She’s so cool.” You state, imagining what Izuku was describing.

“You know it would be cool if Mount lady could control her size! Like what if she could…” Izuku began to mutter again. Oh how you found this habit so cute. When this happened you sat and listened until he realized what he’s doing and get flustered as always.

The school day was hell, you and Izuku getting picked on by Bakugou Katsuki and his little gang all day.

“I would pass out career forms but we all know…-!” The teacher went on to talk about the hero tracks, with everyone celebrating.

“Oh yeah, Izuku Midorya didn’t you want to attend UA too?”

What…?

You quickly look over at your friend as soon as the class starts to burst into laughter. You didn’t know how to feel, you though he might’ve given up that dream already. But he hasn’t. Hah…I guess you never give up Izu.

After the commotion and class was over you padded over to Izuku hugging him from his shoulders behind him. “Gotcha Izu!” You giggle as the startled boy let out a yelp.

“You’re so cute when you’re scared!” You laugh looking over to see what he was writing. Cute! You thought seeing the notes on other heros quirks.

“How could a quirkless guy like you have a girlfriend?” Oh boy. One of Katsuki’s lackies stated, even though you weren’t his girlfriend you never will deny not being his.

“Don’t ya’ dare even try useless Deku! Once I am the only-“ you tune out Katsuki’s words, anger filling your body, your smiled immediately fading into a frown. Letting go of Izuku as the frightened boy jolted up out of his seat.

“What’s this!? He’s writing about being a hero!?”

Your heart dropped when Katsuki grabbed the notebook, your blood boiling at soon as he exploded the notebook your best friend work so hard on and throwing it out the window like it was trash.

You couldn’t control yourself, all you felt was pent up anger and you could help but run to Bakugou and.

SLAP. The noise echoed throughout the empty classroom. Adrenaline rushing through your body, realizing what you’ve done.

“You bully! You’re the pathetic one for bullying helpless people with your quirks! We never asked for this! We couldn’t control whether we are quirkless or not! Why should we be punished? It’s unfair and-“ you quickly shut your mouth. Realizing everything was pouring out in that moment, and realizing the anger in the the boys red eyes.

You had slapped Katsuki Bakugou. And now all you felt was fear, quickly trying to retreat before Bakugou grabbed your wrist tightly. “Ow-!” You wince in pin at the grip, it felt like he was going to snap your wrist.

“Kachann stop!” Izuku put himself between you and the blonde. “You can hurt me but you should never hurt a girl!” He states a angrily. Bakugou simply huffed, finally letting go of your wrist and stomping out the classroom.

You wince in pain, grabbing your own wrist taking a good look. “It’s already bruising…” you slump in one of the nearby chairs. You really wanted to cry, but you couldn’t. You’re were too tired.

“I’m sorry…” feeling the warmth of Izuku’s hug felt a bit better, but you were just so tired of feeling so helpless, useless, and weak.

You try everything not to go home, sitting there on a park bench for what felt like ages. It’s not like you haven’t done this before, sleeping outside to avoid your parents.

“I’ll sleep in the park…I didn’t eat lunch so I have dinner..” you sigh, taking out the bag of food you packed, staring at the onigiri in your hand.

“Oi’ the hell you doin here.” Your heart sank, hearing the angry voice of Bakugou. “N-none of your business..” you don’t even look up at him. You just start opening up your onigiri.

“It’s gettin’ dark. A girl shoul-“ you cut him off. “What’s it to you huh!?” You yell, taking a bite out of your food just hoping he goes away. Praying he doesn’t keep talking to you.

A long pause of silence. Thinking he’s gone the tears roll down your face, falling onto your skirt as your hands begin to shake.

“Those bruises…aren’t from bullies aren’t they.”

He was still there. Your face flushed out of embarrassment. “What!? They..” you didn’t know why but…everything just flooded out.

“No…they’re from my dad…you’re not the only one who hates quirkless people.” You chuckle lightly, looking up at the blonde boy tears running down your face.

“Come.” He simply states, turning away from you, “What…?” You question, not knowing what he meant.

“You comin or nah?” He looks back at you, noticing the kind of rough state he’s in. Did he get in a fight? You thought, standing up to follow him.

You didn’t know why you were following him. You didn’t know why you didn’t feel so scared anymore.

Bakugou led you to his home, opening the door carefully and quietly. You guessed you didn’t want his parents to find out he was bringing home a girl.

Well Bakugou wasn’t sneaky enough.

“KATSUKI BAKUGOU!” The sound of his yelling mother made you flinch, subconsciously grabbing onto the back of his shirt. It’s smelt of smoke and grime.

“ugh…” you heard the boy groan he clearly wasn’t in the mood for his mom, when is he ever in the mood? You thought.

“YOU WENT AND GIT CAUGHT BY A VIL-“ Seeing the spikey-blonde hair women approach, she suddenly stopped in her tracks seeing you cowering behind her son. Woah…Bakugou looks exactly like her.

“A GIRL!? MASARU ITS FINALLY HAPPENING!”

“Stop yellin’ yer scarin her.” Katsuki stated, looking back at your cowering figure. You jump, realizing that you were holding on to him and quickly stand beside him, a bit flustered.

“Oh! I’m sorry, what’s your name sweetheart!” She leans a bit forward trying to get a look at your face, noticing the bruise on your wrist.

“It’s…Y/n.” You meekly look up at her, terrified to meet someone else’s parent. Hell you barley even met Izuku’s mom!

“Oh my..what happened to…KATSUKI DID YOU DO THIS!?” The pointed to your face, noticing the bruises on both sides of your cheeks. Oh! You forgot you had those, ever since Izuku mentioned them at least.

“No you old hag! And stop yer yellin!” Natsuki hissed, defending himself. Well he did bruise your wrist but he never slapped you. “No! It’s wasn’t him…it was…” you trailed off, clearly the topic wasn’t something you wanted to talk about.

“Oh..! Well my name is Mitsuki Bakugou… you can stay here as long as you want. Come to me if you need anything sweetheart.” She placed a hand on your cheek, it was gentle and warm. It felt nice.

You couldn’t help but lean into her touch, feeling a mothers love is something you craved for the longest time. Tears began rolling down your cheeks, running to Katsuki’s mom hugging her.

Katsuki’s eyes widened at your sudden actions, surprised that you went to hug his mother. Is it that bad? He thought, a sense of guilt and sympathy washing over him, watching you cry in his mothers arms.

After a few tears, and hugs, Mitsuki sent you off to wash up. You were sleeping in Katsuki’s room! That is until they put a bed into their office room. You felt bad for Intruding in their home, sinking into the hot water.

This home was so loving regardless of the yelling, they felt so natural so different. You were jealous of their happy home.

Mitsuki had given you some spare clothes, of course you weren’t sure if you’d fit her underwear at all, she said that you two would go out and buy some together, this was all happening so fast. You felt so guilty.

Turns out a grown women’s shorts cannot fit onto your adolescence body! Her shirt was a little baggy too, your brah also was in the wash! So looks like you were only wearing panties and a shirt to bed. Which was embarrassing.

Katsuki was laying on a futon on the floor, he was kind enough to lend you his bed.

“H-hey…Bakugou…why..why are you doing this?” You question, turning yourself over to face him.

“Dunno…just cuz..” what a vague answer he gave you. You probably knew it was for pity, or maybe your outburst put a bit of sympathy in his heart.

“I’ll be gone by tomorrow…don’t worry you won’t have a quirkless loser in your home.” Katsuki flinched at your words, a sense of guilt still in him for saying those things to you and Izuku.

“Like my ma said. Stay as long as you need. Don go back to yer parents…or yknow.” He turned over to look at you, the both of you making eye contact for a minute.

“Thanks…thank you.” You smile softly at him, letting your eyes close to get a peaceful nights worth of sleep.

AN: This will be a couple of parts! A short story :) I hope you all enjoy some soft Bakugou and Some Izuku! THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE LOVE ON MY POSTS I LOVE ALL OF YOU MWAH here’s more XoXo Stinmybubs!!!

[lotsoflola]

all is fair in love and war [1] - s. johnny

summary: you hate johnny suh, you absolutely hate him, but when you're forced to spend time with him on a mission, your passionate hate becomes a different sort of passion genre: gang au, enemies to enemies with benefits to lovers warnings: mature themes, smut, angst, reader is a smoker (projection), TENSION!!!, hate fucking, heavy heavy heavy degradation, johnny's not very nice, the dirtiest fucking talk, dom!johnny, brat!reader, thigh riding, johnny gets head, johnny keeps fucking her despite threat of death, choking, wrote this at 2am lets be nice with my grammar word count: 6.6k author's note: welcome to part one of my baby!! this is the first chapter of all is fair in love and war and trust me, it just gets better...

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neo city was a complete and utter shithole.

it had always been like that, at least as far as you were aware. you had lived here for the past five years, getting yourself a cheap starter apartment for half the price of anywhere else. it was a culture shock at first, being scared just to walk through the streets to your job, but you assimilated quickly, finding a job as a bartender in the inner city, in a cosy bar called the 'urban oasis'.

it was there you first had an interaction with gang life. it was a quiet night at the bar. you were practically dosing off, only a few regulars in the far corner playing darts, and everyone else had been sent home, leaving you to close alone.

a man walked into the building, and as he did so, the other men seemed to quieten down, stiffen slightly, stop playing their game. you were confused, but truly didn't care enough to question anything. instead, you turned to the man, and prepared to take his order.

he looked like neo city, if that was even possible. green neon hair, matching the fluorescent lights that covered the city, with tattoos up his neck and arms and a leather jacket to complete the look.

"whiskey on the rocks," he stated, voice harsh.

you rolled your eyes, hating rude customers like him. "what type of whiskey? we've got jack daniels, jamesons-"

"just give me your top shelf," he snapped again, and you gave him a pointed look before going to fulfil his request.

it didn't take you long, and when you passed him the chilled glass, you also handed him a receipt.

"that will be $45, would you like to pay cash or card?" you asked, watching as his face grew clouded.

"i'm sorry," his tone was almost testing, as if he was giving you a chance to take back your statement.

"i said it will be $45, you got our top shelf of whiskey," you repeated, going to wipe some glassware, but were met with a firm grip on your wrist. "what the fu-"

"leave it, honey," one of your regulars, a man called sooman, shouted across to you, fear lacing his voice.

"no, he got a whiskey, he'll pay for his fucking whiskey- let go of me," you tried to squirm, but his grip was harsh, and you truly couldn't escape.

"do you not know who i am?" he sneered, face dangerously close to yours.

you sighed. "i don't care who you are, i'm not getting fired because some dickhead wants to get away without paying."

and with that, you swang at him, your fist colliding with his head as he let go from the impact, giving you a chance to swing at him again. he jumped over the bar, and grabbing your arms, pinning them against your side before pushing you up against a wall, leaving you completely unable to move. it was only then you noticed the gun in his belt, and the tattoo at the base of his neck, one that had three letters.

n. c. t. the name of the most dangerous gang in neo city.

"fuck," you whispered to yourself, practically convincing yourself that you were about to die.

"recognise me now?" he almost joked, and you gave him a look. a look that said if you're going to kill me, might as well kill me now. "i'm not going to kill you."

that took you by surprise, and he must have been able to tell, as he carefully let go of your hands. "scram."

the rest of the customers ran out of the bar, leaving just you and the man alone, and he gestured for you to sit. you refused however, instead grabbing a bottle of tequila and pouring it into your own glass, waiting for him to make the first move.

"my name is taeyong, i'm the leader of nct," he spoke calmly, and you tried to not show your immense anxiety pumping through your veins. "and judging by what i've just seen, i think you would make a good addition."

you could have laughed, instead taking a swig of your drink, the bruning sensation grounding you to this unbelievable reality. "me? in a gang?"

"it's not all killing, and drug dealing, and all the other things everyone thinks it is. you've got bite, got drive, and we need someone like you," he took a sip of his drink, leaning closer towards you, "and you'll make more in your first week than you would in a month here."

and hearing his words, though you wanted to deny, you found yourself accepting his offer.

~~~

four years later, here you were, high in the ranks of the most feared gang in neo city, a force to be reckoned with. the bar you once worked for minimum wage at you now owned, and nct used it for meetings and to unwind.

no one could touch you know, instead of fearing the streets people now crossed the road for you, and you felt untouchable. you had honed your craft, mainly in charge of wooing policemen and being eye candy during meetings. you didn't care, you didn't want to be making all the decisions, it was the sense of community you cared about more.

so here you were, ten pm on a monday night, a group of you playing snooker in the bar. a cigarette held loose in your fingertips, with a fellow member jaemin lying with his head in your lap, playing with his hair with your other hand.

"do you ever think that this is all a simulation and we're all actually fruit in a fruit bowl?" the boy in your lap mumbled, the alcohol obvioudly affecting his thoughts.

jeno, another boy with you, chuckled slightly, finishing putting a pool ball. "shut up, jaemin. i always forget you're such a lightweight."

"now, now, he's not that bad," you hummed, taking a drag from your cigarette.

"stop playing nice, cherry. he's had about three shots and is contemplating life on this earth," haechan sneered, and you stuck your tongue out at him.

cherry was the nickname you had earned yourself, due to the amount you ate the fruit around the members. you preferred it to your own name at this point, making it easier to seperate your personal life and, well whatever this life was, life.

"he's not as bad as jisung though, remember that night after the bank heist," chenle joked, earning a slap from the youngest member.

"it was a celebration, god, leave me alone," jisung mumbled, as the older members ruffled his hair.

it was at this point haechan fell over attempting to put the ball, collapsing into renjun as they both fell on top of each other, roughly slapping each other as they rolled on the floor. the group erupted into laughter, only stopped as a knock was heard on the bar door.

"who's that?" jeno asked, and you shrugged, taking another hit.

"bar's always closed on a monday."

"well, go check it out."

"why don't you check it out, haechan?"

"it's your bar."

"nct owns it. that means we all own it."

"you chose to buy it."

"suck my dick."

"oh my god, you have a penis?"

mark, the oldest of all the members, cleared his throat. "jesus christ, stop bickering, cherry, go get the door."

you flipped haechan off, but stood up nonetheless, causing jaemin to pout against your thigh.

"i'm just going to the door, jaem, don't you worry?" you patted his cheek, before wandering over to the door, and opening the peep hole.

"bar's closed," you sung, "get fucked."

the man sighed. "it's me, open the fuck up."

you recognised that voice. of course you fucking recognised that voice. the one member of nct who you loathed, who for some reason you couldn't stand.

"gonna need the password, i'm afraid," you teased, mouthing to a confused mark who was at the door.

"let me in or i will blow this bar to the fucking ground," he spat, and you oblidged, however much you didn't want to.

johnny suh was a tall man, towering over you as you opened the door, with washed out jeans and an oversized hoodie, with a beanie on his head do deal with the cold winter weather. he was handsome, but you would never admit that to him, because his personality made him completely insufferable.

"hi cherry." god, you hated the way he said your nickname, almost with a twinge of disgust behind it.

"what do you want?" you asked, hand still firmly on the door, not letting him enter just yet.

he smirked. "play nice, need to talk to jaemin about something. and a drink wouldn't hurt, go get us a jack and coke, huh?"

he was insufferable, the way he spoke as if you were nothing, just a pretty thing to run and make drinks and flirt. even the non-affiliates got treated better than you, and you had been here for four years now.

"go fuck yourself, john," you spat, wandering back over to the boys and shaking jaemin awake. "someone's here to speak to you."

"is it the fruitbowl?" he asked, and you sighed, placing his head back down in your lap.

johnny wandered over, and you watched his face drop as he noticed jaemin's state. "why would you let him drink?"

the question was targeted at you, for whatever reason, and you fought back. "i'm not his mother, john. what did you want anyway?"

"don't be snappy, cherry," his voice was laced with venom, a patronising tone irritating you entire being, "it concerns you as well. it was meant to be you and jaemin, but someone's going to have to step in."

you hummed as you realised what he meant. a group of four of you had been working on stealing money from a large formal dinner happening at the mayor's house tomorrow night. that was partly why you and jaemin were drinking, courage needed for tomorrow. it was the two of you, johnny, and another member jungwoo, but the entire thing was already planned out. it was weeks in the making, so you didn't know what johnny was talking about.

"what do you mean?" mark spoke your mind, being somewhat in the know about the situation. he was selected before you were, when they decided they needed a girl to step in.

johnny sighed, palm stroking down his jaw. "you know how we were going to use that catering company, sneak in as waiters for the evening."'

you nodded, resisting the urge to role your eyes at him. you obviously knew this, you had gone over it again and again and again until you could recite the entire thing like the back of your hand.

"well, the numbers have dropped, and therefore we've been dropped from the waiting staff."

you tilted your head. "can't we demand they let us in?"

"they don't know we're nct, that was the only way we could get in," johnny groaned, once again looking at jaemin's drunk state, as if affirming that he was knocked out cold. "cherry, i need you not to freak out."

this startled you; sentences that start like that don't normally end well, especially when someone like johnny suh was saying them.

"there is another way we can get in though, through the hwangs."

haechan wandered over, perching behind you on the armrest of the sofa, grabbing the cigarette from your hand and taking a hit. "they're the businessmen, right?"

"yeah, very quiet, keep to themselves a lot of the time," johnny stated, copying haechan's actions as he settled behind jaemin's feet, "they're also with us, we do a lot of their dirty work."

"but how does that help us?" you jutted in, grabbing the cigarette back from haechan, almost burnt to the filter.

johnny tuts. "i was getting to that, sweetheart."

sweeheart was arguably worse than cherry.

"the hwangs have two children, hyunjin and yeji. but they've never been seen, both of them are off at school in a different part of the country. the plan was that jaemin would go in as their son, and infiltrate that way, but obviously he's not prepared to be briefed tonight."

your hand found it's way to jaemin's hair, your acrylic nails gently massaging his scalp. "so what else can we do?"

"well, there's another option. you," he gestured loosely, and you flipped him off before taking your final hit of the cigarette, putting it out in the ashtray as smoke filled the room. "you're going to go to the event as hwang yeji and represent your parents."

it wasn't that absurd of an idea. you could spend tonight learning some family history and dropping the rough slang you had learnt.

"that doesn't seem that bad," you hummed, grabbing your bag and pulling another cigarette out. "hyuck, have you got a lighter?"

he passed it to you, and you ignored johnny's judgemental stare of your brought the stick to your mouth, the low light of a flame illuminating your face. you took a long drag, head leaning back against haechan's thigh as you exhaled.

"well, i'm not sure whether you know, but for formal events like these, girls cannot attend without a male escort," johnny informed you, and you stopped in your tracks, understanding the implication. "no, no, johnny no."

"there's no other option, cherry," he groaned, and you took another hit.

haechan started laughing behind you, the vibrations travelling through his legs to your head. "you've got to go with johnny, cherry that's absolutely brilliant."

"fuck you, haechan," you spat, eyes locked onto johnny's. "why can't i do it with jungwoo?"

"he's a kim, he can't get away with that."

it was true. the kim's, despite many of them now turning to the crime world of neo city, used to be a very influential family. there was no way jungwoo could walk into the ball pretending to be someone else."

"and there's really no other way," you asked, desperation in your tone, taking another hit before haechan took it from your hands.

jisung wandered over to you. "come on, it's not that bad. johnny's supposedly a gentleman."

"ji, i love you, but there is no way johnny fucking suh is anything resembling a gentleman," you spat, making grabby hands towards haechan, wanting your cigarette back. "come on, hyuck, give."

"smoking's a vice, cherry."

"so's being a dick, give it back."

you could hear johnny tut, but chose to ignore it, instead trying to comprehend the situation. "can i get a makeover?"

haechan scoffed. "really? that's what you're after?"

"i'm just a girl, hyuck."

"yeah, she's just a girl," jaemin stirred, and you gave him a loving pat on the head.

johnny quickly checked his watch. "come on, we've got a fuck ton of backstory to get through."

"is there really no other option?"

"trust me, sweeheart. if there was, i would have found it."

and with that, you gently slid jaemin off your lap, placing a kiss on his forehead, before standing next to the tall man.

"come on then john. i need to get my nails done."

~~~

soft rnb music filled your apartment as the sun set over the skyscrapers, perched in front of your mirror as you carefully applied your eyeliner, ensuring they were equal either side. you had barely slept, spending the entire night with johnny and jungwoo, learning everything you would possibly have to know about the hwangs, and for a rich family in neo city, there was a fucking lot.

you had managed to convince taeyong to get allowance for your makeover, heading to the salon today to get a new set of nails, long and red to match your dress. your hair was in loose ringlets, fingers dripped in expensive rings, wrists the same with bracelets. a diamond hung around your neck, sitting way above your low cut dress. the hwangs were known for being scandalous, despite their quiet nature, so to fit the part, your dress was a low cut v, the back hollow crosses of loose satin, sitting halfway down your thigh.

with a swipe of lipgloss you were finished, packing a small clutch with perfume, lipbalm, and your gun. maybe the gun wasn't necessary, but it wouldn't blow your cover, so you though it better to be safe than sorry. half the people in neo city carried guns, and the other half walked with people who carried them/

you checked the time quickly. 5:57. johnny said he would be at your flat at 6, so you quickly checked through your phone. you had a few texts from mark, asking about the new show you guys had been watching, and a few from jungwoo, wishing you luck for tonight. it wasn't a scary thing anymore, you had done so many of these tasks that they felt like second nature. you were one of the few girls in nct that didn't mind going out, which made you incredibly useful for situations like this.

the doorbell rang just as you finished texting jungwoo, and you groaned, wandering through your kitchen before opening the door, seeing the man himself on the other side.

fuck. he actually looked good.

he was in a black tuxedo, bowtie tight around his neck. he was a tall man, that much was obvious, but with dress trousers he somehow look taller. his hair was in curtains, a deep brunette that hung just slightly over his eyes. not that you would ever say it out loud to him, but jesus fucking christ.

"you ready to go?" he asked, not even acknowledging your outfit.

you rolled your eyes. you knew you looked good, there was no way that he didn't realise how fucking good you looked. "nice to see you to. i just need to put my shoes on, calm down."

the set of red louboutin heels fit you perfectly, sliding into them with ease. you stumbled just after putting them on, but quickly grabbed your bag, a packet of cigarettes and a lighter off the table, before meeting him at the door.

"ready," you hummed, placing your key in the lock and shutting it behind you, before placing them in your bag.

he scoffed. "you really need the cigarettes?"

"you really need that terrible attitude?" you shot back, following him into the lift and pressing the ground floor button. you checked yourself out in the mirror, cleaning up the lipstick that had somehow escaped your lips.

"terrible habit," was his only reply, one that you didn't think needed a response, though you did notice the slight flick of his eyes to your boobs as you leant forwards slightly, an action that led to a smirk on your lips.

you quickly noticed that johnny's car outside, not a limo like you presumed. he seemed to notice your confusion as he deliberately didn't open the door for you, waiting for you to climb in yourself.

"ever the gentleman," you teased, watching as he started the engine, pulling away gently.

"we're driving to the oasis, that's where the limo is," he explained, not even given you a glance.

"why didn't you just ask me to walk to the oasis then?"

johnny scoffed. "like you would have walked through neo city in a slutty dress and high heels."

you flipped him off, but he did have a point. you would never do that anyway, least of all neo city. instead, you pulled out a cigarette, rolling down the window and lighting it, the bitter taste a comfort on your tongue.

"i'm serious when i say you shouldn't smoke."

"i'm serious when i say you have an attitude problem."

he rolled his eyes, eyes darting towards you as you tapped the ash onto the road. you could see the oasis in the distance, the familiar comfort of the bar calming you slightly. all you wanted right now was a drink, just a little bit to calm your nerves.

"fancy a shot?" johnny seemed to read your mind, pulling into the carpark quickly.

you both made your way into the building, the bustle quieting down as they noticed you and johnny walk in. you smiled as you saw jaemin behind the bar, the hangover evident in his eyes. his arms enveloping you in a tight hug.

jaemin was like a brother to you. he had taken you under his wing very quickly when you joined nct, but unlike a few of the other guys, he genuinely had no ulterior motives. he saw your beauty, understood why guys like haechan and jeno were so into you, but that just wasn't him. he was one of the few people you knew would always be there for you.

"fuck, cherry, you look gorgeous," he breathed out, and you planted a soft kiss against his cheek.

"thanks, jae. how's the hangover?" you chuckled, grabbing a bottle of tequila and two glasses, pouring two glasses for you and johnny.

he groaned. "how do you think? i am so sorry though, it should be me there right now."

jaemin had spent half the morning apologising over the phone, saying how you've taken his place and if only he hadn't drank so much. you appreciated his efforts, but you both knew you were more than able to do what needed to be done. despite all this, he paid for your lunch today, and that was a win.

"don't be stupid, besides now there's two of us going. even if one is practically incompetent."

johnny didn't like that, finishing the shot before turning to you. "watch yourself, sweetheart."

"bite me, john."

jaemin seemed to sense the tension, pouring you guys one more shot before leaving you to it. your rivalry was well known throughout nct, even some of the runners knew how much you loathed each other, and most people understood it was better to leave you guys to it, let you fight it out, and hope neither of you killed each other. or that whoever was your favourite made it out alive.

"you're insufferable, you know that," you spat, downing the second shot in quick succession, needing the alcohol to settle the violence in your gut.

"rich coming from you, can't even stand being in your presence."

"you're lying to yourself, suh. saw you checking me out in the mirror," you teased, leaning in closer to him.

he matched your energy, face bending down slightly saw your eyes were almost even. "i was not checking you out, i can assure you of that."

"tell yourself whatever you want, if it helps you sleep at night, but your eyes don't lie."

"half the guys in nct want you," johnny's voice was a low growl at this point, face so close to yours basically all you could see was him. "and do you know what? i don't fucking get it. you're a bitch-"

"lovely choice of words-"

"you think you rule the world, you think you're better than fucking everyone, but you're not. there is nothing special about you, and the sooner you realise that, the better."

"do you know what, suh?" you could feel the anger running through your veins, nails digging into your palms to stop yourself planting your fist into his face, leaving shallow crescents in your skin. "you think you're so smart, so precious. oh, johnny suh, johnny of nct, the johnny- no one can fucking stand you. god knows why taeyong keeps you around, half the young guys don't even want to know you- ever wonder why it's the same two guys who volunteer to be with you? because no one else even wants to be near you."

johnny opened his mouth, probably to insult you even further, smirk creeping onto his lips, but a notification on his phone went off, and he pulled away from you quickly.

"limo's here," was all he could say, and you pushed your anger back down inside you.

you were hwang yeji. be hwang yeji.

and ignore the weird feelings going on in your chest right now.

~~~

"hey, cherry, how's it going?" jungwoo asked, robotic voice over the phone as you pulled out a cigarette, locked in the guest bathroom at the mayor's house.

you sighed, taking a deep hit to calm your nerves. "all good so far, no one suspects anything. you and jae should be all good to hack the system come 12."

all jungwoo did was hum in response, and you hung up accordingly. you couldn't do anything suspicious at all, there was too much on the line. you took another hit, the smoke fogging the room as you took a moment.

you had spoken to about half the city elite, acting like the prestine proper girl you were supposed to be, but it was taking it's toll. you and johnny had been here for about four hours, and that was four hours too long of pretending to be enamoured by johnny suh. he was disgusting, hand settled in the small of your waist as he laughed at your occasional jokes, planting soft kisses into your hair.

it made you feel sick, sick to your core, sick enough that not even the cigarette was calming you down. johnny suh was an unbelievably irratating individual, one who made you genuinely revolted as his eyes locked on yours, and it took every morsel of self control not to announce to the whole room that you were hating every second of it, that you hated him.

you finished the cigarette, spraying some perfume in the bathroom before leaving the room, walking back over to your 'boyfriend'. he was with another two couples, not sure who, but he quickly introduced you as you slid under his arm, his hand resting against your side, thumb rubbing against your ribcage.

"this is hwang yeji, my girlfriend," god, how his voice made you feel ill. he sounded so in love, and the way his thumb felt against your body just added to it. some part of you felt confused, he definitely did not need to be doing so much, and yet he still was.

stop thinking about that. focus on what you need to be doing.

"yeji, my darling, gosh how you've grown," the woman, moon bora, planted a cheek on either cheek, hand cupping your jaw. "i bet you don't remember me, i haven't seen you since you went to boarding school."

"i know, it's been so long since i've been back here," you hummed, body tensing as johnny gently guided you over to a small table, where bora and her husband jinhyung followed you. he sat next to you, arm over the back of the chair, as you continued on the conversation. "i do miss it, yeah, though there are definetly benefits to living by the coast."

"oh, i can only imagine. do you get to go to the beach regularly, i know college can be quite intense," jinhyung asked, voice full of curiousity.

you went to respond, but your voice was a sharp choke as you felt johnny's hand on your thigh. "sorry, but no we do make time to go. it's beautiful in the morning, watching the sunrise over the ocean, it's really something."

bora and jinhyung kept their questions coming, and you could barely focus and johnny's fingers travelled higher and higher up your thigh, crawling underneath the silk of your dress, gently massaging the soft skin of your inner thigh. you squeezed his hand, a warning, a 'stop this', a 'what the fuck are you doing?'.

his hand got dangerously high, to the point where you could feel him just against the lace of your panties, before you heard an alarm on johnny's phone. 11:45. you needed to get a move on.

"god, i'm sorry," johnny broke the conversation, hand finally leaving your thigh to turn of the ringtone, "that's my medicine alarm. sweetheart, will you come with me to the bathroom to take it."

johnny excused himself, but you were convinced if you went with him now you would genuinely kill him. "let me just say my goodbyes, i'll meet you in a moment."

he shot you a look, but you gave him one back, and he dropped it. you turned back to the couple, with bora giving you a knowing look.

"gosh, you guys are so in love," she sung, and you resisted the urge to spit out your drink. "it reminds me of us when we were younger."

you smiled at her, lying through clenched teeth. "i'm glad you can tell, he's honestly incredible."

"don't think i didn't notice the way you were flirting under the table," she gave you a suggestive wink, and you swore then and there you were going to kill johnny. "young love, how much i miss it?"

you couldn't wait any longer to kill him, so you quickly excused yourself, and travelled through the mansion, past the toilet to the computer room, in charge of the entire house's security, one you had previously mapped out in the planning stages.

"what the fuck?!" you exclaimed, entering the room where johnny was sat on a desk, laptop open with a download completing sign on the front. you locked the door behind you, securing it with a desk you pulled across the front. "what the actual fuck?!"

johnny payed no attention to you, keeping his eyes on the laptop as the percentage went up and up.

"fucking answer me you dick, what's your game?" rage coated your voice, your hands gripping his dress shirt and pulling him out of the chair, forcing him up looking at you.

"whatever do you mean, sweetheart?" he cooed, and the fake loving tone drove you crazy, crazy enough that you brought your hand up to slap him across the cheek.

the action through him back, surprise across his face quickly turning to anger. "you have issues, fuck."

"i have issues?!" you were seething, anger clouding your vision and your hand gripped his shirt tighter, pulling his head down so you were opposite him again. "you've been touching me all night, fucking groping my thigh, grazing my waist, are you mental?"

"do you not understand the concept of fake dating, sweetheart?" his voice was low and dangerous and, however much you wouldn't admit it to yourself, sexy as fuck. "we have to pretend to date-"

"dating does not include groping me."

"i didn't fucking grope you, calm down cherry," johnny sighed, and you pushed him away ever so slightly.

your hand ran down his body, tracing a line down the centre of his abs, watching his muscles contract as they tensed under your touch. "so this doesn't bother you?"

"not in the slightest," he tried to keep it calm, but the way his breathing shortened told you the opposite.

but you kept going, you were fucking fuming. "so if i touch you here," you hand trailed further down, running over the waistband of his trousers, your long nail circling around the hem, "that doesn't bother you."

"fucking stop," he ordered through gritted teeth, but of course you didn't instead keeping your descent until you were over were he did not want you to be, pushing just enough to push johnny over the edge.

and he snapped.

his hands came to grab your wrists, his physical strength easily overpowering yours as he pushed you up against the wall behind you, vaging you against the wall, the paint cold against your open backed dress. your hands were pinned above your head, and legs forced still by johnny's thigh in between your own, body pressed up against yours.

"i thought i told you," he spat, mouth so close he genuinely filled all your senses, "to fucking stop."

you hadn't lost your fight yet, though. "i thought you knew, that what you say means nothing to me."

"do you know what you are?"

"please, do enlighten me," you fought against his grip, but you couldn't escape. johnny was told and strong, and however much fight you had, you could not beat that.

"you're a slut."

those words were unexpected, causing you to gasp as they went straight to your gut, weird butterflies emerging in your chest.

"you're such a fucking slut. act all you want but i saw how your body acted when my hands were on you, when i looked at you like that. like a bitch in fucking heat."

you were genuinely gobsmacked. no words could come out of your mouth to defend yourself.

"but do you know what, sweetheart?" his teasing was endless, however, not letting up despite your lack of retaliation. "i think you like this, i think you like me calling you what you are. a desperate little whore-"

"i don't," you're voice was nowhere near as strong as you wished it would be, because deep down you knew he was right. the butterflies in your stomach were definetly telling you that you were enjoying this, and the way your core was aching.

"tell that to your thighs squeezing around mine," his lips were centimetres away, "because i've realised what you need. you need someone to put you in your place, to remind you of what you are. a needy, desperate, slutty little bitch, don't you sweetheart?"

all you could do was whine at his words, your hips rutting against his knee without even thinking. his words were doing wonders, you could feel how soaked you were without him even really touching you.

"grinding against my fucking thigh, you really are a bitch in heat," he practically scoffed, a hand travelled down from your wrists to wrap around your neck, squeezing enough to cut off your airflow slightly, the feeling making your head spin and vision dizzy.

"i know you've fucked hyuck," he stated the words so nonchalantly, like they weren't personal details you had never told him, "and i know you've fucked jeno. i'm pretty sure you've fucked jaemin as well, but they obviously didn't fuck you good enough for you to still have this attitude, huh, sweetheart?"

you couldn't fathom the words to respond, overwhelmed by the pleasure between your legs. your breathing got shallower and shallower and your air was cut more and more, rings indefinetly causing dents against your soft skin. johnny tensed his thigh, and you couldn't hold back the whine that escaped your mouth, the feeling just too good as your clit rubbed against the fabric of his trousers.

he could only scoff, his hand dropping your wrists and instead sliding down to your hip, kneading the skin as he manouvered your body, sitting down and pulling you down onto his lap, or more specifically his thigh. he finally let go of your throat, grabbing the other side of your hip, and you let out deep breaths, trying to gain back some sense of clarity.

"if you want to be a pathetic little thing," his tone was almost teasing, his large hands beginning to rock you back and forth, "then go ahead. get yourself off on my thigh."

and you followed his instructions, swinging your hips and getting into a steady rhythm. johnny's eyes dropped to where your body met his own, one hand sliding under the soft satin of your dress and feeling the lace panties you had on underneath.

"god, you're dripping, you're actually dripping against your thigh," he practically laughed, your wetness sticky on his fingers as he pushed the lace to the side, and the pleasure was just too much to contain, a moan leaving your lips. "shut the fuck up, cherry. don't want anyone to see how much of a whore for my thigh you're being right now."

you dived into his shoulder, biting down on his jacket to stop the sounds he was practically forcing from your throat. his hands sped up your pace, forced you to keep going as you felt the knot tighten in your gut.

you panted out, the sound of your wetness filling the room as he leant up, looking into his eyes with a sense of desperation. "gonna cum, john, need to cum."

"oh, you need to cum, do you?" he sneered, leaning back against the desk chair, feeling a sense of gravity as he watched the girl he hates fall apart on his thigh. "you need to cum."

"need it- need it so bad," you whined, biting down on your lip hard enough to draw blood.

johnny tilted his head, a mischevious glint in his eye. "stop moving."

"what?" you panted, confused by his words but not stopping your movements. "no, no, i'm so close."

"i don't care, stop fucking moving," he spat through gritted teeth and his lifted you off his thigh, your hips moving in mid-air as you groaned, feeling the pleasure leave your body as your high left your body.

your eyes locked onto his, tongue poking your cheek. "what the fuck!"

"needy sluts like you don't get to cum," he said as if it was the most obvious thing ever, sliding back from the chair and spreading his legs, placing you down on the floor. you didn't even have the strength to hold yourself up anymore, collapsing against his leg, the cold concrete floor a shock to the system.

however much you hated to admit it, johnny looked majestic. with his legs spread, eyes glaring down at you, hair messy as his tongue ran over his bottom lip. you couldn't tell what he was thinking, and that worried you. you were on your knees in front of the man you hated, and for whatever reason you were actually excited about what was going to happen next.

johnny didn't say anything, but his actions spoke a thousand words, his hands going to his belt and undoing it with ease. you felt your mouth water as he slid his trousers down, revealing his hardening cock from his underwear. you leant forward, hands ready to grab it, but one of his own hands nestled itself in your hair, pulling it into a makeshift ponytail as he pulled you back.

"here's what's going to happen, sweetheart," he shuffled forward on the seat, tempting you to just have a look. you could tell from the bulge that he was big, and all you wanted at this point was your mouth around him.

god, how were you having these feelings about johnny suh.

"you're gonna let me fuck your face like the slut that you are," your thighs rubbed together as he returned to the degrading words, "and then i'll decide whether you deserve to cum."

his other hand pulled his now hard cock out of his pants, and your eyes widened at the sight. he was big, he was so fucking big, and there was no way that he could fuck your throat without cutting off your air supply.

"john, i can't-"

"you can, just open that slutty little mouth for me," his tip poked against your lips, and you complied, hesistantly parting your lips as he slid between them, the stretch agony at first. "there you go, relax your throat. don't want to hurt you that much, cherry."

those words were different, they were softer in a way. they were johnny being sincere, not 'putting you in your place' or 'teaching you a lesson'. and they relaxed you, enough that he slid even more into your mouth, tears building in your eyes, threatening to spill over.

"god, you have no idea how good that feels," he groaned, seemingly not to you, but just to the world. "tap my thigh if i'm good to move."

you followed his order, typing his thigh twice before he started to move back and forth. you tried your absolute hardest not to gag around him but it was so hard when he was practically stopping you from breathing, hitting the back of your throat over and over again until you physically had to gag around him.

johnny hummed, a pity hum, seemingly back to his old self. "what's wrong? thought you would be used to dick in your throat."

you took a deep breath as he pulled out, gasping for air as drool dripped down your chin, his dick hanging in front of you.

"don't tell me hyuck never fucked that pretty little face of yours?" he voice was playful, hand sliding from your throat to cup your jaw, thumb roughly dragging over your bottom lip. "look at how messy you are, sloppy little slut."

you took a deep breath, looking up at the tall man towering over you. "they weren't as big as you."

"aww," his tone was so patronising that if you weren't so dick whipped you would have slapped that expression off his face, "am i too big for you?"

you didn't resond, feeling like you were stuck in a trap, but that wasn't good enough for johnny. "i said, am i too big for you? because if you can't suck me off, you haven't done enough to cum tonight."

those words went straight to your desperate core, and you leant straight back to his dick, letting him back in as he pounded even harder and faster than before. you braced it, trying your hardest not to gag around him again. johnny's groans filled the room, and you just prayed you were doing well enough to get to cum later.

sa johnny's thrusts began to get more sporadic, he pulled out, hand leaving your head to jerk himself off. "open your mouth, tongue out."

you did as he said, sticking your tongue as you patiently awaited his cum, eyes glaring up at him as he kept his wrist moving at a quick speed.

"god, you're such a fucking slut, aren't you?" his words were said between low grunts and groans, obviously needed to get him over the edge. "tongue stuck out, drooling over my cock, thighs squeezing together at the idea of getting my cum in your mouth. fuck- cherry- fuck-"

and with that he came, most of it landing straight on your tongue, the salty taste filling your mouth. a small bit coated your lips instead, but johnny was quick to scrape that onto your tongue as well, before leaning down and spitting in your mouth. his saliva mixed with his cum as he barked out a 'swallow', and you did as he said. the action was so dirty, so vulgar, he was treating you like a messy, slutty object, and for whatever reason you were loving it.

"you did good, sweetheart," he cooed, thumb rubbing over your cheekbone, "i guess now it's your turn."

his hands settled under your shoulders, pulling you up from the group and back onto his lap, this time legs over his hips as you collapsed against his chest. you were fucking exhausted, head pounding from the pleasure coarsing through your veins. you could only imagine how you looked right now - mascara undoubtably smudged from the tears dropping from your eyes, lipstick removed from your lips and displaced onto your cheeks and chin, hair no longer its perfect ringlets and instead messy curls.

"god, you're still so fucking wet," he almost gasped, pad of his middle finger drawing a line through your folds. you could almost hear his actions, the squelching of your wetness deafening as your cheeks reddened with embarassment, your face hiding in his shoulder. "i bet you're so fucking sensitive- ah, yes you are."

your hips bucked as his finger pushed against your clit, so worked up from the lack of your last orgasm that you barely needed anything to become putty in his hands. he chuckled as he kept up his pace, other hand settled on your hip, rubbing up and down as you whined into his shoulder.

"still so needy, i wonder what would happen if i just...?" and with those words, a finger entered your pussy, curling up against that spot inside of you that caused your entire body to tense. "god, you're so fucking tight, would have thought this slutty cunt would be more used to cock than this, don't know how i'm ever going to fit."

you couldn't even understand the words coming out of his mouth. your orgasm was approaching so much faster due to how sensitive you were. and when he added another finger, the stretch just adding to the euphoria you were feeling, he could tell you were close. you just begged he would actually let you come this time.

but of course, he didn't. pulling them both out of you when you started to clench around him, and the denying pleasure for the second time made you absolutely crazy. your body was drained, completely drained of energy, and you didn't know how much more you could take.

"please," you sounded pathetic, most likely looked pathetic, and all you wanted was to cum. you sounded like the desperate whore he made you out to be, but at this point you couldn't even dispute it. "i can't take it, please."

johnny hums, as if considering your proposition, but really he knew your time was up. "need me to fuck you, sweetheat?"

"need you, john," you panted, using the last of your strength to push yourself up off his chest, to finally look him in the eyes, "please, wanna feel you in me."

that was all he needed, grabbing your hips and aligning you with his cock, and you were suddenly very aware of the position you were both in. there was absolutely no way you could ride him, you were far too out of it for that, but the way you were sat on top of him meant you couldn't think of another option.

but of course johnny was prepared, grabbing onto your hips and completely controlling your movements, sinking you down onto his cock for him and oh my god was he big. your mouth unknowingly feel into an 'o' shape with the stretch, feeling so so good as he bottomed out completely.

"pussy feels so good wrapped around me," johnny groaned, moving your hips up and down for you, so you were riding him without having to do any work. "dripping all over my cock, aren't you, my pretty little whore."

you couldn't even process the fact that he had called you both 'his' and 'pretty', instead trying not to scream and alert the entire house of the fact that you were locked in a room that you were definetly not meant to be in. your orgasm was incredibly fast approaching, the knot getting so unbelievably tight as you clenched around johnny.

"gonna cum, gonna cum," you repeated it like a mantra, until you heard a voice just outside the room. your hand flung to your mouth instantly, biting down on the flesh to stop any sound you were making.

johnny kept going though, despite the glares you were shooting him, to the point where you had to slap his chest in an attempt to stop him.

"fucking stop," your voice was a whisper, as quiet as you could muster while you could still hear voices outside. "i'm serious."

"you want to cum, don't you?" he said, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world, and there weren't people outside who would definitely kill you if they found anything out. "so just keep quiet, and then you'll get what you want."

so you tried your hardest not to make a single sound, but johnny's pace was relentless, pounding into you at an angle that hit such a good spot inside of you, and you had to bite down into your hand to stop yourself moaning as you released all over his dick, the feeling so much better after your denied orgasms earlier.

but johnny kept going, still chasing his second orgasm, and you just let him use you as he thrusted up, soft grunts after every buck. "gonna let me cum inside of you, like the whore you are?"

"yes, please," you didn't even know what you were saying anymore, now chasing your own second orgasm while the voices outside grew louder and louder. "want your cum, johnny."

"of course you do, fucking slut," he spat, through gritted teeth, "i can feel you clenching around me, you close again? am i fucking this messy pussy so good that you're gonna cum again?"

you nodded against his skin, and you both came at the same time, and the feeling of him filling you up was the cherry on top of this entire experience. you couldn't move, you felt numb with pleasure as johnny lifted you off his softened dick, placing you on the chair as he ran over to the laptop, and a smile creeped onto his face.

"download complete," he smiled, voice low as possible, "let's get out of here, cherry."

you span around in the chair, looking at him like he was stupid, becuase that's how he was acting. "there's people outside, dumbass."

"then we'll have to climb out the window," he spoke in the same stupidly obvious tone, and you actually accepted his suggestion. you could see jungwoo's car from here, and a quick dash would mean no one would see your escape. "come on, let's go."

you tried to stand up, but your legs gave up straight away, causing you to collapse straight back into the chair. johnny chuckled slightly. "i fuck you that good, huh?"

"you mention anything that happened tonight ever again i will kill you, i promise you," you swore, voice low and serious.

johnny tilted his head. "so you didn't just beg for me to come inside of-"

"just carry me out of here," you snapped, and he oblidged, arms behind your shoulders and knees and he walked through the floor to ceiling windows, and wandered through to where jungwoo was parked.

"never mention it again," you repeated, "tonight never happened."

"tonight never happened," he agreed, but turned to look at you again, "but you better drop that attitude, cherry."

"or what?"

"or i'll have to fuck it out of you again."

[thirstywoso]

Colour outside the lines //

Jessie Fleming x Reader

W/C: 1.6k

Warnings: none

A/N: little angst and a little fluff

Edit: I wrote this in less than 2 hours whilst I was bored at work and I'm not sure I like it but let's gooo

You'd have thought working with Jessie would be fun but sometimes her competitive edge and your stubbornness wouldn't always be as beneficial as it usually was. That was the case this week, training was something you had always enjoyed but lately yourself and Jessie were pushing each other to one another's limits. Sure in the long run this would be good for your fitness and stamina, that being said you were run ragged most days.

Today though you were wrecked, it started in the morning when you had arrived at training. Sitting down on the bench in front of your cubby you were talking to Sam about the session you had coming up.

"Y/n if you're going to be fighting for dominance with Jessie again today I won't be partnering with you" she mocked pretending to roll her eyes

You playfully swatted her on the arm. "You wouldn't ever dream of leaving me partnerless Coffey" you put your hand on your chest as if you were offended.

"Just because I love you doesn't mean I can keep up with this weird competitive thing you've got on with Miss Freckles over there"

You laughed at her comment before glancing over at the mentioned woman who sat opposite you in the changing room, she caught your eye and gave you a determined look. "Shit" you thought to yourself knowing today was going to be another tough one.

"Earth to y/n, where'd you just go?"

You looked back at her with a blank expression wondering how long you'd zoned out for.

"Look I'll partner with you always but please don't drag me into it, I've been asleep by 9 after I train with you" she said putting a hand on your shoulder to stop you from wondering into your own world again.

"I can't promise anything.."

By lunch time Sam had indeed regretted partnering up with you.

The morning entailed parters competing in various challenges that would be ranked based on a combined score.

The first challenge was the vertical jump, where each team had to go twice and their best score would be counted.

Sam and yourself just beating Jessie and Janine by 1 point which of course Jessie claimed that you had cheated and wanted a rematch but the coaches confirmed the scores were final.

Next you had an endurance test, where the first person in the pair would run from one end of the pitch and back and then the second one would go and so on. The teams that lasted the longest would gain the most points.

Jessie and Janine had won that to your dismay with you only dropping out a lap before them.

The morning continued on like that where you would win a challenge and then Jessie would win a challenge. When lunch time rolled around you had reached a deadlock.

"Are you not sick of these two bickering over who is better everyday?" Janine asked Sam as they joined yourself and Jessie at the lunch table.

"Who isn't?" Sam Laughed

"Sorry that we like to keep our relationship alive with some healthy competition" Jessie defended

"Babe you must admit we have been going a bit crazy with this lately"

"Y/n's right Jessie, y'all have been killing us and everyone else has been saying it's been getting out of control" Sam tried to reason

"Yeah we understand the competitive side you both have but bickering every time you don't win is getting old even y/n is sick of it" Janine aimed at Jessie

Jessie looked over to you catching your eye, you just held your hands up surrendering

"You think it's getting tiring too?" She said looking disappointed

You didn't answer straight away as you didn't want to upset Jessie and as much as you loved her playful side you were starting to come home drained each day to the point you'd sometimes fall asleep whilst eating dinner that Jessie had cooked you.

Jessie stood up heading for the door back towards the training facilities "Jess, come on don't be like that" you called after her but it was no use.

"Thanks guys" you said sarcastically as you got up in the direction of Jessie.

The rest of training Jessie had avoided you not even acknowledging you when you tried to talk to her. You'd planned on breaking your deadlock during this part of the afternoon but you could tell it wasn't a good idea with the scowl she had painted on her face.

Even the ride home from training was quiet and you knew even if you attempted to talk to her it would be futile.

Getting in through the door Jessie made her way to your bedroom and shut the door behind her, you leant against the cool granite of the kitchen island and released a sigh you hadn't realised you'd be holding in.

Closing your eyes you let yourself think about what the hell had happened today. You decided the best way to get on Jessie's good side would be to cook her favourite meal of yours.

You began cooking your famous chicken pesto pasta and set up the table with some candles. Admiring the set up you realised something was missing so you walked down to the local store and bought some of your girlfriends favourite flowers and grabbed her a coffee from her favourite coffee shop.

When you returned you lit the candles and arranged the flowers heating the meal you had made. Once you'd served it up you put on some music and lightly knocked on your bedroom door before entering.

Seeing Jessie laying there staring at the ceiling in thought

"Hey.." you said nervously

She didn't answer

"Look, I know you're upset but there's some food out here for you and if you're up for it I would like to talk about what happened today"

You closed the door and went and sat at the table, just as you were about to start you heard the door click open and Jessie's feet padding softly towards you.

"Jess, I know you're upset because I hadn't said anything"

"Why didn't you tell me y/n/n?"

"I just, I love you Jess and your quirky competitive side. In fact I've really enjoyed training lately but this past week you've just been putting me to shame and keeping up with you has been an effort and I'm just finding myself so lethargic I can't even enjoy our quiet time together" you rambled out explaining before she could say anything.

Jessie grabbed your hand across the table "I'm sorry, I thought you enjoyed that about me and I didn't want to disappoint you by stopping our fun routine we have going on"

You rubbed your thumb over her hand comfortingly prompting her to carry on.

"I wish you'd have said something, I was just upset that I had to hear from our friends how you were feeling." She paused "I guess I'm saying that it hurt you felt you could go to them before you could go to me"

"Jessie, I promise it wasn't like that. Sam had complained I was working her too hard and I simply agreed that I was tired too"

"I understand, I just hope this means we are okay. I certainly think it'll do us both some good if we get a break from this healthy competition that has slowly become unhealthy" Jessie reasoned

"I agree"

You are the rest of you meal just casually chatting about other things going on in your life. After you finished Jessie washed the dishes and you dried them packing them away.

"How about we go cuddle up and watch a movie?" Jessie held out an olive branch

"How could I refuse" you smile

-

You'd both changed into some shorts and T-shirts you in her UCLA shirt and her in your old National team jersey.

Cuddling up to Jessie under the blanket you closed your eyes as she gently stroked your arm. Her fingers gently tracing the tattoos that ran from your shoulder to your wrist.

You hummed in contentment as she continued

"You know I've always wondered what these would look like in colour" Jessie said mindlessly

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah"

"Colour them in if you like?"

"Can I?"

You stood up grabbing a pack of colouring pens from a draw and returned handing them to Jessie

"Go ahead!"

You then sat there as Jessie began to colour in the flowers you had on your arm, taking care that she didn't colour outside the lines.

You're not sure how long you sat there for watching as Jessie meticulously coloured each piece of skin. Relaxing into the feeling the next thing you know you woke up. Jessie still tracing the shapes on your body only now you were fully in colour, and a suspicious addition where you arm and wrist connect. As you pulled your arm closer to inspect you realised that she had written her name on you.

You smiled to yourself and looked at her, a guilty smirk evident on her face.

"You really do bring colour to my life" looking back at your arm "literally"

"I love you more than anything" Jessie said sincerely

"I, I don't think I could ever express how big my feelings are for you" you thought for a second "I could genuinely burst when I look at you, my heart combusts just trying to put it into words"

"Ew gross, but you too" Jessie fake gagged at your sentiment.

This earned a shove from you which had Jessie landing on the floor in a pile of blankets looking up at you bemused.

[fangirl-dot-com]

Chapter 2 - Where do I sign?

The ride to the hotel was nice and quiet. The sleek sports car practically purred beneath as it wound through the streets. You had said goodbye to Arthur almost 30 minutes ago, but even then felt like a lifetime away. You were now an F2 champion, with nowhere to go. You had brought up the topic of the next step with your manager, but even that fell on deaf ears. You knew what it had meant though. 

There was no room for a woman in Formula 1. 

But that’s ok. Maybe IndyCar might be more open. There’s at least Katherine Legge. She retired and returned. That’s a foot in the door. 

Scrolling through social media on your phone, articles of Checo’s retiring are all you can see. What was once orange, is now taken over by the familiar logo of the energy drink racing team. A seat at Red Bull is now up for grabs. This is the dream for every reserve driver. 

You lean over to Stella, who had decided to take the ride with you, “I guess Liam Lawson is one happy camper right now.” Your screen is tilted so she can have a look. 

“I guess so,” she says, a smirk displayed on her face. You give her a questioning look, before deciding to leave it. The car pulled to a stop and the giant building of the hotel was now right in front. 

“I’ll see you tomorrow right? I think I’m schedule to head back to the office to talk to someone. You’ll be on the plane?” 

“I’ll be on the plane. Have a good night Y/n.” You also say goodbye, before turning to head up to your hotel room. 

It was nice, roomy, and most importantly, empty and silent. You could have, or should have, taken a shower first, but the bed looked too inviting. Placing your backpack on the floor, you quickly faceplant into the clean sheets. Someone must have changed them while you were away making history. 

It was nice, but it wasn’t your little apartment back in Nice. Close enough to where you could get to Dams in a timely fashion, but far enough away where you could get a break. The beaches were nice. Maybe you could spend Christmas Day on the beach. It wasn’t like you needed to celebrate with someone. 

Or perhaps, Arthur would finally convince you to spend Christmas with his family. He’s offered the invitation ever since he became your teammate. But, you never felt right with accepting it. 

The urge to take get your phone out became too much as you found yourself waiting for the face ID to recognize yourself. Half the time it didn’t even work, so what was the point. The thumb print worked 100 times better. But, you needed a good phone, not an “outdated” one. 

You had four unread text messages. One from your team principal Yannick. One from your manager with the flight information for tomorrow. One from Arthur, multiple memes of you from earlier today with your trophy. 

And then finally one from an unknown number. 

You muttered, “Scammers probably,” and went to swipe it away. But, something tells you to just look at it, just in case. 

The words on the screen confuse you. 

“We are excited to meet with you tomorrow concerning your future in Formula 1. Have a nice flight. CH” 

Your brows furrowed as you quickly swiped out of the iMessages and to the phone app. Your manager’s name was the contact you pressed. 

The phone didn’t even get to ring once, before the familiar voice of Vito answered. 

“What’s up kid?” 

“Who did you give my phone number to?” you questioned. 

“And what are you meaning by this?” 

“There was a message. Said something about my future in Formula 1 and a meeting tomorrow. But as far as I’m concerned, I’m heading back to Dams tomorrow for some testing.” By now you were pacing the floor. 

There was a slight chuckle on the other end of the line. 

“You worry me kid. Do some math.” 

Your mind raced. CH. Who the hell would that be? 

CH? C. H.? Cee Ach. 

CH. 

“Christian Horner?” 

“Bingo kid. He reached out almost a month ago.” You sighed and sat down on your bed, hunched over. It felt like the wind had been knocked out of you. 

“But isn’t he like…not for women?” You bit your lip. You didn’t want to plainly say it out loud, but he was known for making comments. 

Again, there was a laugh. “Well kid, if he was, I don’t think he would have reached out. Don’t worry about it. All you gotta do is show up tomorrow, we’ll talk, and then see where it leads us.” 

That’s what scared you. The talking, showing up hopeful, being knocked down and denied once again. Sure, it was looking good for you, but wouldn’t it make sense for their reserve driver to be bumped up? Liam is a great driver. He knows how to drive. He knows how to compete. 

You…you hadn’t even stepped foot in an F1 car, other than a sim once or twice. 

And what would the people think? It’s not that you’re taking a seat from a good driver, but also a man. People wish for women to be involved, but the moment they are, hate flies their way. You wouldn’t wish that upon anyone else. 

“Kid. I know your mind must be running around at about 1000 miles an hour. But just listen. You are one of the best drivers I have ever seen. You’ve pulled ahead and have won races by over 20 seconds. Twenty! Do you know how incredible that is? I’m not saying that this meeting will get you an automatic seat, but it also might. Things in F1 work in weird ways.” 

You nodded you head silently along with him. It really did. Drivers went from having a good standing, to being left without a seat, to taking someone else’s spot. 

“So, I want you to get some good sleep, and I will see you tomorrow. Alright?” 

“Alright. Good night Vito.” 

“Night kid.” 

You pressed the red button and fell back onto the comforter once again. You really needed to shower. 

Sleep was not long enough. Or maybe it was your fault for staying up late to watch whatever was on the hotel tv. 

Stella had met you at the airport. She was able to get places in a nicer lounge area, one with fewer people. Your headphones were at full blast for the remainder of the waiting period, and on the flight. You had almost missed the snacks and drinks, but Stella tapped your shoulder just in time. You could kiss her if you wanted to. 

Snacks always made things better, especially if they were free. 

The flight to London wasn’t too bad. Definitely a much longer flight than Paris, but you had slept most of the way. 

Getting off the plane was a small issue. Some fans had spotted you and had asked for you to sign something. Wanting to be discrete as possible, you quickly signed the items and moved on. However, there were a few flashes that had caught your attention. 

The drive to the hotel wasn’t anything fantastic, but again, wasn’t too terrible. It was mostly quiet, the way you liked it. Although it gave you more time to think; the thoughts weren’t the best. Bouts of self-doubt entered and exited your mind swiftly, but it still happened. You couldn’t help it. 

You barely had any time to freshen up at the hotel room before it was time to head to the RB headquarters in Milton Keynes. Vito was meeting you there. This time, there was no Stella with you in the car. 

If you were to move to Red Bull, she would no longer be your strategist. But she would still continue to be your friend, and that would have to be enough. You were certain that you’d be given new everything. New PR Manager, new engineer, new strategist, new team principal. You, however, would fight to keep Vito as your manager, since he was on his own payroll from you. 

At your arrival, there were no cameras and no journalists. That, you were thankful for. You slid out of the car, looking up at the impressive building. 

You were pulled out of your reverie as someone put their hand on your shoulder and gestured for you to move forward. 

The back entrance was nice. Posters of their “golden boy” seemed to hang from every corner. A few historical ones littered the blank spaces along with Checo. Would you be up there one day? 

Maybe you’d be the one with multiple posters. 

Or, you’d be the one forgotten in the sea of experience and fame. 

You tried to shake those kinds of thoughts out of your head. You were now coming to what looked like a conference room. Taking a deep breath, you put your hand on the doorknob. 

Alright, no turning back now. 

You were thankful that the door wasn’t squeaky, but that didn’t stop the various eyes in the room turn on your figure. 

You wanted to shrink into yourself. Maybe turn back time so that you had gotten on a plane to Paris instead. Vito was the first to stand, and you were grateful. 

“Hey kid,” he almost whispered as he brought you into a hug. 

“Hi,” you shyly said, eyes looking onto the others in the room as you returned the hug. You ended up making eye contact with a certain team principal, who offered a small smile. Breaking the hug with Vito, you swiftly walked over to where Christian was standing. 

“It’s an honor to meet you, sir,” you said, offering your hand out for him to shake. His hand met yours in a nice, comforting shake. 

He nodded. “Nice to finally meet you as well. Do you want anything before we start?”

You thought for a minute before eventually saying no. Vito, however, took the offer and asked for an espresso. You rolled his eyes at his antics and sat down in the open seat. 

Directly across from you was Christian, with various men and women around him. You guess they might be lawyers or something. 

Christian cleared his throat to gain everyone’s attention. “Now, I’m guessing that you already have an idea of why we wanted to talk to you today.” 

Nodding your head, you answered, “I’m guessing it’s for a position for a reserve driver. Seeing as though Liam Lawson is probably going to fill Mr. Perez’s spot for the 2024 season.” 

Christian had a smirk on his face before looking at Vito. “You didn’t tell her, did you?”  

Your brows creased, something that you found yourself doing a lot these days. You shot a side eye to your manager. 

“No, he didn’t tell me anything.” You looked back at Christian. 

“We want you to be our second driver for the 2024 season.”

Everything became silent at once. Your face remained still, but your mind was in shambles.

What happened to wishful thinking? 

A man to Christian’s left spoke up first, breaking the silence. “We do understand that you haven’t had the chance to test out an F1 car. However, there is still a week and a half until Vegas. You will spend most of your time here using the sim and the practice cars before flying out. There, you will drive for Checo during free practice one. But only if you agree to this.” 

You were still processing everything. But, one thought dominated every inch of your brain. You look over to your right and give Vito a quick smile, before you turn to Christian. 

“Where do I sign?” Chuckles fill the air from the people around you. Your cheeks heat up and you know they are bright red.  

Vito gives you a comforting hand on your shoulder that almost had you tearing up. But you obviously couldn’t cry in front of your new team principal.   

Christian speaks up, “I’m glad that you’re on board. Now there are contracts to discuss before we can let you go today. But I think by the end of this, we can start setting up appointments for suit sizing and that sort of things. But introductions first.” 

He points to the man who spoke up earlier, “This is James Riggs, your new PR manager. He will also deal with a lot of the legal sides of things such as contracts and such.” The man, Riggs as you think you’d like to call him, sends you a quick smile. You know he’s going to be a strict but nice person. At least he’ll be able to fend off any unwanted media attention. 

“And this is Lacy,” he gestures to a good-looking middle-aged woman. “She has decided to be one of your main sponsors. She is here to guide you and help you make most decisions. She is also James’s wife. They will both accompany you into the paddock and such.” 

Lacy sends you a comforting smile. 

Well, you now have a stand in mother and father duo. I’m set for life now. 

Christian then goes over the names of other people, more-so contract writers and witnesses. 

The rest of the meeting is a whirlwind and your hand is cramped by the time that everything is done and signed. When everyone stands to leave, Christian makes one more announcement. 

“Now we won’t put out an official statement until next Wednesday. So, try not to really post anything until then that might release the news early. Sure, you can post some things, but try not to make it obvious. We’ll let you post something this coming Tuesday and we will follow with our statement.” 

“Yes sir. Thank you so much for this opportunity. You won’t regret it.” You lean to shake his hand again. 

“I’m sure we won’t.” With that, he grabbed his tablet and left with the others. 

It was just you and Vito. You didn’t know if you wanted to hug him or hit him first. 

So, you did both. 

You quickly grabbed his shoulders, hit them, and brought him into a hug. The tears from earlier finally escaped their prison and found freedom on your cheeks. 

“Thank you. Thank you. Thank you,” you whispered over and over again. 

You’re pretty sure you heard a sniff, but didn’t point it out. 

“You did this all on your own kid. This is all you,” he whispered back. 

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[owliellder]

Two's A Crowd

College Bully! Leon Kennedy x fem! Reader

MDNI 18+

(Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5)

Description: College is proving to be a lot harder than you imagined. You cannot fail this math class. So when you've tried everything else, a well-known student is recommended to you by your professor for tutoring lessons, not really leaving you with much of a choice but to work with him.

Warnings: Not proofread, No Use of Y/N, Dub-Con, Unprotected Sex, Bullying, Yelling, Cursing

Tags: College AU, Bully! Leon, Shy! Reader, both are in their early 20's, Leon is Rude AF in the beginning, Loss of Virginity, Oral Sex, Fingering, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Additional Tags to be Added

Author's Note: Forgiveness is requested but not expected. Downhill we go!!

Cross-posted onto AO3

Chapter 3:

Over time, you grew less and less worried with Leon’s nice behavior. Your math grade has gone up significantly, surpassing a low C which is a passing grade, but since the tutor sessions have become much more bearable, you haven’t felt the need to stop going. Besides, you have an A streak to fulfill.

Your friends stayed suspicious about the frat boy’s intentions, however. The way you’d become so unbothered with everything relating to him had them stressed, yet at the end of the day, “no asshole can hold up a facade like that for this long”, as per Sky’s words.

Easygoing is the best way to describe Leon at this point. A gentle soul, from what you can tell. He goes out of his way to hold the door for you, share his food with you whenever he brings it, and he even gets excited with you whenever you get an A on any of your assignments or tests. It makes you happy that you held out for him.

“And that makes sense to you?” Leon was standing next to you, leaned over with both his hands on the table. You were both in the study room, only this time you had finished everything math related. Thanksgiving break had come and gone so everything had shifted towards the finals before Winter break, meaning now you were using the space to go over the study guide for the final given by one of your other professors, though it would’ve been nice to have your math study guide to burn into your brain since it’s your biggest struggle.

“Yeah, this is easy for me,” you mutter, hand against your mouth as your eyes move back and forth across the packet of information in front of you. Having Leon leaning over you had been commonplace since mid-November. He turned out to be very nosey. “Shouldn’t you be focusing on your own classes?”

You didn’t need to look at him to know he was extremely confused by your study guide. “Uhh.. nah,” he stood upright and slowly made his way around the table, sitting down in front of you with a small groan as he relaxed into the seat. “I’ve made it through the past couple years here without ‘em. No need for ‘em now.” You nodded to the side at his, bringing the pen you were holding up to your mouth to nibble on the end of it. “Makes sense…”

It took awhile before you noticed his nervous fidgeting, looking up from your study guide to give him a worried look. “Are you bored? I can finish up in my dorm if you-”

“Do you want to get dinner with me tonight?” He cut you off, his eyes meeting yours before the room fell silent. The question was so sudden and you weren’t expecting anything like it, so it just had you confused. You must’ve looked it, too, since he moved his eyes away from yours while crossing his arms. “I mean-.. Y’know, figured I’d ask..”

Seeing him get nervous was always pretty cute to you, such a handsome guy getting worked up over you never failed to flatter you. “Oh, yeah! I’d like that, actually..” You giggled when Leon looked back at you, soon grabbing your few supplies to put back into your backpack. 

Relief spread across his face, moving to stand as you collected your items. “Good, okay, uh.. How’s Olive Garden sound?” To the average college student, Olive Garden was some high class fine dining. Anyone would be a fool to say no to an offer like that.

Just like your friend told you not to do, the absolute biggest no-no when it came to these types of college guys, you let Leon get even closer. It was just dinner in the beginning, but you started seeing him outside of study sessions afterwards with him going out of his way to seek you out and hang out with you and you the same. “Just going out to dinner” turned into dates real fast, faster than you even had time to process. 

You’ve almost completely forgotten about just how nasty he was towards you not three months prior with how he doted on you. Leading up to finals week, Leon made sure to bring you food after noticing your long study habits. He wouldn’t even give you a choice, just a simple “whaddya feeling tonight?” over text. He’d hang out in your dorm with you while you ate, much to your roommates dismay, and sometimes he’d just show up for no reason other than to see you. You’d blush and shy away from his flirting, he’d tease you, and you’d get mad at him for distracting you in a playful way. Even if you wanted to be actually mad at him, you couldn’t, not with that cheeky little grin he’d give you.

You never questioned his nosiness as he familiarized himself with your dorm, rummaging through your drawers as you whined at him from the bed to stay out of your stuff. Honestly, you’d probably look through his stuff too if you had the chance.

Having a boyfriend during your first year of college wasn’t exactly a goal, and you don’t know if this is even a relationship or not, but you weren’t complaining. It was so nice having someone care about you like this, especially when it’s someone who’s, to you, way out of your league in almost every sense. Though he wasn’t the most outgoing, he was very well known, and being seen with him meant the attention he received was spilling onto you. Hell, you didn’t even know he played football until he passed by you with his friends, all in their football get-ups. He never bragged about any practices or games to you, maybe you should’ve asked about the various bruises and scuffs he’d show up to the study sessions with. Oh well.

Every night during finals week, Leon would take you out for dinner under the guise of “destressing from the long day”, not that you minded, of course. You were growing increasingly anxious about your last final, the big one; math. The two of you were sitting in his black Jeep Wrangler as it idled out in the parking lot of McDonald’s, snacking on what was left of your meal in a comfortable silence. The combination of the heater blowing on you and the food in your stomach was settling you, if only a little.

Leon kept his eyes on you the entire time, hand rubbing soothingly up and down your thigh. His hand was so warm. “You’ll pass, I know you will.” His soft touch barely had you cracking a smile, looking through the windshield as large snowflakes quietly fell, lit up by the streetlights surrounding the parking lot and by the headlights on his car. The snow had accumulated an inch on the ground already, the sun having set nearly two hours prior. Winter and its short days, a blessing and a curse. “I don’t know..” You could feel his eyes on you, yet yours were stuck staring out at the falling snow. “My nerves always get me. I’m gonna make the stupidest mistakes and then once the final grades are in my parents’ll wanna see and then I’ll be surrounded be disappointment and shame and guilt.”

You closed your eyes and slumped your shoulders when you felt Leon squeeze your thigh, finally able to turn and look back at him. “You know that’s not how it’s gonna go.” He let out a breathy laugh when you raised an eyebrow. “Oh come on, you’ve got it down! Plus, you had an amazing tutor~..”

With a dramatic groan, you rolled your eyes as he wiggled his eyebrows at you, unable to hide your smile. “I guess, but you weren’t that amazing..”

Leon moved his free hand and brought it up to his chest, holding it there with a strong pout to feign hurt. “You wound me.. Was I nothing to you?” His smile quickly returned when you clicked your tongue at him, chuckling through his nose. “Seriously though, I’ve never met anyone as smart as you are. You learned how to do that kind of stuff incredibly fast, so I don’t have a single doubt in my mind that you won’t demolish that final.” His compliments always left you blushing and at a loss for words, playfulness giving way to a more heavy air. “Thank you, Leon. Really, thank you...” 

You were too wrapped up in watching the snow fall through the windshield to notice when his hand pulled away from your thigh, or just how guilty he looked as he silently watched you.

The math final was easier than you were expecting. You understood basically everything that had been put on it minus a couple things that you scolded yourself for not brushing up on last minute. Grades weren’t put in until a week or more after the finals were turned in, yet you were confident enough in how it went to feel good leaving that room afterwards. 

This first semester had really tested your limits, but you were lucky to have your friends, lucky to have Leon. It didn’t feel strange having him around anymore, it felt natural, real. There weren’t enough ways to thank him for all that he did between tutoring you and taking care of you overall. 

You yelped with laughter as Sky picked you up, their arms around your midriff, waving you side to side as they yelled how proud they were of you. Ella only stood by and laughed along, making sure to take a picture of the moment as keepsakes. “Guys, I don’t even know if I passed yet!” You pushed away from Sky and they placed you back down on the ground, smoothing out your shirt which had you swatting their hands away.

“But! You survived and that’s always cause for celebration.” Ella pocketed her phone and took a couple steps forward so you were all standing in a small circle now. “You really pulled through these last few months.”

Thanks to Leon. “I did, huh?” You looked down with a bashful smile, shrugging before pulling the strap on your backpack further up so it wouldn’t slip off your shoulder. “You know,” Sky started, resting their elbow on your other shoulder while pursing their lips as they slowly turned their head to look at you, “you’re not very good at hiding your love for Leon..” 

You weren’t trying to hide it, it's just that even the vaguest thought about the man had you flustered and stumbling over your words like a fool. All you could do now was glare at your friend, who just raised their hands up in defense. “Hey now, not poking fun, just making an observation.”

Ella placed her entire hand over Sky’s face and pushed them away from you, ignoring their muffled complaints as she looked at you. “We’ll always be suspicious because we’re your friends and we care about you, but as long as you’re careful, we’ll keep our distance.”

Sky pulled Ella’s hand off their face, making gross-out noises while wiping their face off. “Blegh, anyways, yeah. Keeping our distance, but still watching from afar.” They pointed their index and middle finger from their eyes to yours before smiling.

You hung around in their dorm as Ella finished packing up her suitcase. She’s had her plane ticket back home booked for a month, constantly expressing her need to leave as soon as finals were finished during that time. Sky was leaving the same day you were, which was in two days since you both drove or were driven here. Leon stayed at his frat house all school year, so you were thankful to have two people sticking around so you weren’t left all alone.

Unfortunately, this meant you had your own packing to do. Thankfully though, your roommate had already left, sparing you from their menial chit-chat. Packing was almost cathartic in a weird way, almost as if you saw going home as a reward for working yourself to the bone at this university. Quiet music was playing from your phone as you gathered the essentials, you’d be coming back in three weeks so there wasn’t any need to pack up everything.

A gentle knock knock knock at your dorm’s door startled you from your thoughts, causing you to blink a few times to make sure it wasn’t just coming from the song that was playing. Slowly, you made your way over to the door, and before you’d even opened it fully, Leon slipped his way through, side stepping into the room with a cheeky smile. 

You scoffed as you watched him weasel his way in, hand stuttering away from the door handle to allow the heavy door to shut. “You could’ve waited until I opened the door all the way.” 

“I knocked, though.” Mischief was evident in his tone as his eyes landed on the suitcase sitting on your bed. “Getting ready to leave?”

“Not for another couple days. Just.. wanna be ready.” You walked past him over to your suitcase, continuing to fold the last few pieces of clothing you wanted to bring back home. “Perfect, got some extra time to spend with you then.” Leon chuckled, now standing next to you to watch you get back into rhythm.

Having him admit that so casually had you nervous, cheeks heating up as you glanced over at him. “Wouldn’t you rather hang out with your friends?” The eyebrow raise he gave you made you stumble as you tried to elaborate. “N-not that I don’t want to hang out with you! I just feel like you’d have more fun celebrating the end of the semester outside of a stuffy dorm.” You tried to laugh away the embarrassment, moving your focus back to the suitcase as you zipped it up.

“I can celebrate with those slobs any time, but for right now, I would really like to be around you.” Leon carefully lifted your suitcase off the bed, placing it near the door for you. “You’re nice and quiet. They’re not.” You sighed after lifting yourself up onto your bed, sitting criss-cross right in the middle while meekly smiling to yourself, watching him walk back over to stand in front of you.

“By the way,” he said, turning his head to look out your window for a split second before looking back down at you, “I haven’t had the chance to tell you how proud I am of you for coming out of that math final. I know results take awhile, but you seem pretty pleased with yourself.” He crossed his arms and bent forward a bit with a teasing smirk as he not-so-subtly looked you up and down.

You covered your face with your hands and laughed into them, a poor attempt to hide your ever increasing blush. After letting your hands fall away, you bunched the end of your hoodie up in them, fiddling with the thick fabric as you replied. “Yeah, uh.. I think I did alright.” You were going to say more, but you stopped when Leon’s hand found its way under your chin, tilting your head back so you were looking at him. “C’mon, don’t downplay this, baby. You did amazing and you know it.”

Your mind went blank at the pet name and you were finding it hard to breathe with the way his hand felt under your chin. The air in your dorm was a tad tense before, yet now it just felt heavy. Stifling. All you could do was stare up at him with wide eyes, eyebrows furrowed ever so slightly as you tried to think of something, anything to say.

“Did I catch you off guard?” He said with a breathy laugh, gently tilting your head side to side as he studied you. And you let him. Your mouth felt dry, face hot as he leaned in closer. “You’re so beautiful..” His voice dropped an octave and his eyes were lidded as they stared into yours. “So smart, so brave..” Soon his lips were brushing against yours, whispering out a final “So perfect..” before pulling you into a gentle kiss.

It didn’t take long for you to relax into the kiss, eyes fluttering shut as you tried to mimic Leon’s movements. His hands cautiously slid down to grasp at your waist while yours moved up to cup his face, pulling him closer. He slowly crawled onto the bed with you tugging him along, leaving you laying down as he hovered over the top of you, knees planted on either side of your legs while one of his arms moved up to support himself. 

He was doing his best to be careful with you, noting your nervous tremble as his right hand slid under your hoodie. “M’gonna take care of you, ‘kay?” He hummed against your sensitive skin, kissing along the underside of your jawline. You only nodded as his lips trailed down your neck, stopping when your hoodie got in his way of the rest of you. “Need you to say ‘okay’ f’me, baby.”

Nearly whining when he stopped, you nodded again a bit more vigorously this time, voice barely a whisper. “O-..Okay..” You propped yourself up slightly when Leon pulled his head away from your neck, his eyes meeting yours as both his hands were now playing with the end of your hoodie. “Y-Yeah, okay…” You repeated.

First it was your hoodie, then it was his jacket, and before you knew it, he had you in his arms, chest pressed against yours as he reached around to unclasp the hooks on your bra. You immediately brought your arms up to cover your breasts once Leon leaned back after pulling your bra off, self-consciousness suddenly settling in. “Hey hey, no need to hide from me..” He cooed, eyes raking down your body as he grabbed your hands to pull your arms away, thumbs rubbing circles onto the tops of your hands as he stared with a crooked smile. 

You took the opportunity to take in his form; muscular, a couple old scars and freckles standing out to you. He was gorgeous, through and through, no doubt about it. He took notice, craning his neck to look down at his exposed chest before looking back up at you. “Looks good, huh?” That got a small giggle out of you, at least.

He slowly guided you back down onto the bed, his hands firmly rubbing up and down your sides. “You look even better, though. Layin’ pretty beneath me~..” His right hand found its way to your panties, running his fingers along the band before trailing further down to press his middle finger against the gusset. You gasped at the feeling while he laughed quietly, leaning back a bit further to catch a glimpse of the wet spot he was feeling. “You’re soaked.. Lil’ bit of touching got you all worked up?”

Your hands flew up to hide your face again as he rubbed his finger up and down your clothed pussy, letting out small gasps and whimpers all the while. You shakily nodded, subconsciously spreading your legs further apart as he slotted himself between them. 

“Tell me something, babe.” Leon paused his movements to look up at you, huffing a chuckle through his nose when he noticed you’d covered your face. “You seem real nervous, so I’m jus’ wonderin’...” Dread settled in your stomach at his implication, you were hoping he wouldn’t ask this. “Yes..” You whispered, parting your fingers over your right eye so you could look at him. “Don’t make me say it, please…”

He hummed low in his chest, eyes darkening as they moved back down to your panties. “Juuust wonderin', is all..” His finger started to caress you over your panties again while adding a bit more pressure. “There’s no shame in being a virgin. Only means I gotta make this extra special for you~.” You moved your hands to shoot him a weak glare and he smiled in return. “Didn’t say I couldn’t say it.”

Once he felt your tremble start to dissipate, he brought his hands up and hooked his fingers on the band of your panties before slowly tugging them off, letting out a low groan as a string of slick stayed connected to the gusset from your leaking pussy. “Fuck, that’s hot..” He breathed in sharply through his teeth, taking your panties into one hand before grabbing his hoodie, stuffing them into the large pocket in the front.

Leon didn’t waste any time putting himself back between your legs, languidly dragging his middle finger up and down through your folds. He relished in your every noise, even as you tried to hold them in. “You ever finger yourself before?” He asked, voice gravelly as he repeatedly pulled his finger back to watch your slick cling to it by a string. 

“... no..” Your innocence had him groaning to himself again. He could ignore the guilt eating away at him long enough to handle you the way you needed to be handled. “Let’s give it a try then, yeah?” He hunched over some more so his face was hovering above yours, middle finger now gently circling your clenching hole.

“P-Please be careful..” You whimpered, slightly panicked at the feeling of his finger nudging your entrance, one of your hands grasping the bed sheets while the other held onto his bicep that was closest to you.  “I’ll be so careful, baby.. I promise I’ll be careful.”

And he was. What would’ve normally been a relatively quick process turned into ten minutes of Leon tenderly stretching you on his fingers. He studied your face the entire time, whispering sweet words into your ear, even letting out deep moans to encourage your own timid ones. You needed the time. There's no rush.

He moved down to pair his fingers with his mouth, tongue running through your wet folds as his fingers stroked your walls. The noises you let out when he sucked on your clit were intoxicating. You were intoxicating.

Once Leon pulled his mouth and fingers away from you, you knew what was coming. And when he paused for a moment after standing up, hands hooked in his boxers, eyebrows tightly furrowed together in thought, that only served to make you more nervous.

“..Leon?” You managed to say, propping yourself up on your elbows as you watched his shake himself out of his head. “Yeah, sorry, just… thinking about the best way to go about this. Don’t wanna scare you.”

“You-... I’m not gonna be scared..” You looked from his face down to his boxers, eyeballing where his fingers were still hooked in them. He just clicked his tongue, nodding his head to the side with a soft “if you say so”. 

As much as you didn’t want to admit it, you were scared. There wasn’t much frame of reference, but Leon was… sizeable, for lack of a better term. And it wasn’t just his size that was intimidating to you, it was the idea of sex itself. Sex has always been made out to be this big grandiose milestone by everyone around you, so now that you’re about to actually do it is giving you the same sinking feeling that public speaking does. 

“You’re scared.” Leon had pulled his boxers all the way down without you noticing, letting them lay abandoned on the floor as he took the small step back towards you. “No.” You were quick to object, eyes still glued to his dick. He chuckled and tilted your head back by your chin once more. “Yes, you are, and it’s okay. I’m not gonna kill you with it.”

“You might…” You muttered under your breath, eyes lowly making their way back down to his dick as he got back up onto the bed and in between your legs. “I promised you I’d be careful, right?” Leon grunted, his hand squeezing the base of his cock before giving it a few slow strokes. 

You swallowed dryly, pulling your eyes away and back up to meet his. “Yeah…” He nodded, giving you a wobbly smile as he teased his thumb across his tip. “Right. So don’t worry, I’ve gotcha..”

You only nodded, doing your best to keep your eyes up and focused on his face as he lubed himself with your juices. Your eyes widened once you felt him line himself up with your hole, body jerking a bit at the slight pressure.

“You gotta relax, sweetheart..” He used his freehand to stroke your thigh before pulling your right up over his shoulder, hand moving back down so his thumb could rub your clit. “Just breathe and focus on what my hand’s doin’, alright?”

The two of you were lucky that a lot the people in your dorm building left already, cause when his tip finally pushed past that ring of muscle, you let out an embarrassingly loud yelp. It hurt, but it was also such a new feeling that it simply startled you. “Okay, okay, that’s the hardest part. You did it.” You panted, hands tugging at the blankets beneath you as he stilled. “Okay…” You copied him, nodding your head once you felt you were ready for him to move.

The sting of the stretch was the hardest to get by, however it was easily masked by just how full you felt after Leon was fully sheathed inside you. So new, yet so good. 

You let out a shaky sigh, eyes closing as you rested back against the bed. Your heart was beating and your body felt hot. It was actually a nice feeling. “You- ugh.. You can move.. a little..” You breathed out, grunting softly when you felt him twitch.

“Mhm..” Leon agreed with only a hum, not trusting his mouth enough to speak. He pulled back an inch before thrusting just as slowly,  eyes darting around your face for any sign of discomfort. A minute or so of taking it slow led to deeper thrusts, following your command as you asked for “harder”, “deeper”, “faster”. All with that sweet voice that he couldn’t say no to.

You were eating away at him and you didn’t even know it; wrapped around him so perfectly, that delicious honey of yours dripping down his balls, moaning his name, looking at him with those glassy eyes, fuck. He fits you so well.

He kept his eyes closed, unable to look at you any longer. Ignoring the guilt was harder than he thought, even with him thrusting into you like he owned you. You weren’t his, he can't have you the way you want him to-

“Shit-!” He gasped, too lost in his own thoughts to notice you’d grown close until you abruptly clenched around him, sloppy cunt milking his cock. His thrusts stuttered to a stop as he buried himself deep into you, cumming with a whine of his own. Looking at the wall with bleary eyes, he furrowed his brow again, chewing on the inside of his cheek while he caught his breath.

Clarity crashed into him when you wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling him down into a weak hug. He needed to go, but how could he leave you like this? God, he was so fucked.

He should’ve just stayed an asshole, that would’ve kept you far away. And he should’ve never taken that stupid bet. All this for a pair of panties to wave around like a trophy.

tags:

@kayotee4 @k-fallingstar @bobastayhigh @mi-zer-y @chasingkennedy @l30nva @espressonerd @jjouki @5tarx @bunnybreadloaves @whoisgami @cyanscribe @c4b3r1a @darichvep @mmmangel @kingtacocat @klee-iii @baby--vera @dakiniii @kenma-izhu @aliidarling @leonsmamacita @deadghxsty @nekoheist @dumbassmortal @cassiecasluciluce @iovewilliams @maeplayscello @deddiemunsonsblog @paranoid-but-android @mariesmain @tteokhwaa @bonnibuckets @eilonwykennedy @1dk-anym0r3 @papatyacikcik

(few of your blogs won't work, but i really tried 😩)

[naneun-no]

From my drafts so it’s late but:

Today’s delulu thought is that Standing Next to You has too many lyrical coincidences to not be about Jimin.

🫣 I SAID IT WAS DELUSIONAL OKAY

You are free to disagree. You probably should 🤣

I mean we know it wasn’t written by Jung Kook but obviously the version he recorded was arranged with and for JK, and “leave your body golden” can’t be a coincidence right? Like it’s the whole ass album name, plus a word that carries connotations of JK himself, which the ppl who worked with him on Seven must have known.

So if that wasn’t a coincidence… then what about:

1. “How we left and right is something we control” — a callback to both Left and Right by CP feat JK, but also a nod to Butter, a massive BTS hit and a song that he performs alongside his boyfie bestie JM.

2. “When it’s deep like DNA, something they can’t take away” — a callback to another massive BTS hit, interesting. And *delulu warning* also reminds me of JM and JK’s extreme similarities that they themselves have referred to before?? They’re wired the same, they have the same sense of humor, they live and breathe for the same shit and even though they have some very key differences, they really do seem like twin flames (even if you just see it as platonic). They are similar in ways that seem braided into the fibers of their being. Like, in their DNA 🧬 some may say. *delulu warning #2* I’m also reminded of Jimin’s Letter lyrics: “After all this time has passed will we still be the same? Just like we were when we first met.”

Also, “something they can’t take away” is an interesting turn of phrase… more on that later.

3. Okay the real meaty part:

Screaming I’ll testify that we'll survive the test of time, they can't deny our love. They can't divide us, we'll survive the test of time I promise I'll be right here

[I seriously can’t believe how closeted-couple-coded this song is]

First off, again with the Letter lyrics mirrored here with the “test of time.” Then it’s got all this drama about being ripped apart and how it won’t happen and how they’ll be next to each other no matter what and that they have “something they can’t take away.”

Not only does all that line up with other Letter lyrics, but it is so goddamn dramatic and for what?

Be for real, what straight couple in this day and age would have this much working against them?? The only possible explanations are: 1) within the fantasy world of a song I suppose this could be some sort of Romeo and Juliet/West Side Story motif, and to be fair the music video did have a kind of rival gang/crime family look to it? Sort of? With the men fighting below the stage? Idk. Or it could be 2) the fact that idols do in fact often have to hide even their straight relationships, which is wild to me. But I know it’s a thing, so. I suppose there’s that. JK doesn’t seem the type though honestly. I think he’d be even more open about it than V.

On the other hand, the lyrics seem SO fit for a couple who are a) queer, b) closeted, c) currently in/about to be in a legislatively homophobic military and country (am I saying that right? Lol) and d) internationally famous pop idols in the SAME BAND who are both widely regarded as heterosexual sex symbols and would be shunned by many people in their homeland AND internationally if their queerness were to be revealed, much less if they were truly an item and THAT news broke.

Whew. That was a lot but like… that would be a real example of a relationship that would be VERY threatened by outside forces plotting against them and trying to separate them. Not JK and a hot blonde model, not him and a Korean actress, not basically any other scenario but a queer relationship.

Idk I know he didn’t write it but like ??? What the hell is that theme? I’m dying to get inside the mind of the people who DID write it, because are they or are they jikookers at this point like?!

4. Just for fun I’ll also point out the “leave your body golden like the sun and moon” 😏 like. Okay. At this point the songwriters are watching Jikook compilations, drooling over @slaaverin edits like convince me they’re not. CONVINCE ME.

5. “Deeper than the rain”?! “The pain”?! Alright I’m not even serious at this point but ??? Rainy day fight 🌧️?!?! 🤣🤣

6. “Standing next to you” oh you mean like… for 18 months? In a companion enlistment program? Like that?

Alright alright I’m done but you get my point. What even is this song if not an anthem of jikookery?! It’s more on-the-nose than Letter, more sneaky than Still With You. It wasn’t written by JK but at this point I’m calling that the songwriters are as delulu as me.

Hope y’all are well. If you made it to the end of this thank you for donning your tinfoil hat with me and I hope you at least got a giggle.

✌️

[coral-melon]

Deafening Silence

Obey me! MC

Genre: Quiet Horror, angst, Crack

No pronouns used

900+ words

Author’s note: Im so mad, I finally I had an Obey me dream, and it was horrifying one.. for me at least! But either way, I thought it would make a good enough story to slowly start coming back since I’ve been doing a bad job! >;D👍✨

Enjoy!

You were chilling in your room doing your own thing, but you were waiting for one of the brothers to come by since it’s a normal for you to never have any sort of personal space.

3.. 2.. 1.. and blam,

There Mammon comes in, with an awkward, frantic expression on his face.

“Yo, MC! Cover for me, will ya? Don’t tell Lucifer I’m here..!” He says as he comes in, then crouching to hide under your bed. The stupidest idea ever if your trying to hide from someone like Lucifer.

But just as he was about to hide, you notice a very particular bottle in his hand. It was one of Lucifer’s Demonus! ( ╯°□° )

You jump out of your bed, completely and utterly dumbfounded, “How the hell did you get that?!”

“Shh! He gave it to me, don’t blow my cover!” He says before weaseling his way under your bed. ‘Yeah right, you wouldn’t be hiding if he just gave it to you!’

You were about to do something about it, but your thoughts were thrown right out the window when you heard a knock on your door. You felt your soul almost leave your body when you saw the small shadow underneath the door crack.

By this point, you can tell which brother it is by simply looking there. And this was none other than Lucifer. But also, he was pretty much the only one with the common decency to knock..

“C-Come in..!” You say, sounding slightly high pitched. You quickly try to gather your composure though..

The door creaks open to reveal Lucifer with an irritated expression on his face. “Did Mammon come in here by any chance?” He asks, but something about his tone suggested that he already knew the answer to that.

“…No, I haven’t..” Yet for some reason you lie…

Lucifer’s gaze pierced through you, it was only for a couple of seconds, but they felt agonizingly long. “Mind if I ask what happened this time..?” You ask out of pure anxiety.

Lucifer sighs and punches the bridge of his nose, “I was curious and put him to the test to see if he’d blatantly have the sheer audacity to steal one of my Demonus bottles..” he pauses for a moment, taking a closer look around your room.

“What a moron… Want to to help you get it back? I got a bone to pick with him anyway..”

“No, no.. that won’t be necessary, he’ll come back eventually. Besides, he didn’t take any of the valuable ones. I replaced it with water, you see.” He chuckles under his breath with a shit eating grin on his face.

You honestly had to hold your laugh, but you could just imagine the expression Mammon must have right now…

“But do tell me if you see him around, I’ve got a couple of things I’d like to tell him.” He says.

“Got it.” You nod, a creeping smile still on your face.

He gently closes the door behind him, and the both of you wait until you can no longer hear his footsteps. Mammon then crawls out from under the bed with the dumbest look on his face. You could help but burst out laughing.

“Dammit.. No wonder it was too easy. C-Could you not laugh at me?! This is already bad enough as it is..!” He yapped.

“Ah.. Sorry, sorry. This is way too funny though.. Again?! I bet he was directly talking to you too! You should just stop avoiding the inevitable and come clean.” You say as you wipe away a tear from your eyes.

“C’mon MC, you gotta bail me out somehow..!” He pleads.

Your eyebrows frown slightly, “And how am I supposed to do that? It’s already bad enough that I lied about you not being here..”

“I dunno! B-But he listens to you, so make something up..! I’ll make it up to you, I promise ya!”

You were skeptical by his words, but you felt bad for him with those puppy eyes that he was giving you. “Argh.. fine. But I won’t promise you anything.”

“That’s my Human! I knew I could count of ya!”

You then grab him by the ear, “We’re going now though.”

“What?! But—!”

“No buts. The faster we get over this, the better.”

…• • •

Both you and Mammon stand in front of Lucifer’s doorstep. Kinda hesitantly to knock but it’s for the best..

You gently knock and after a few seconds, you could hear soft steps getting closer and closer to you two. Mammon tries to sneak away, but you already yanked him by the collar. He helps yelps when you do so.

The door then slowly creaked open, revealing a serious yet cold expression on Lucifer’s face. But it softens up into a smirk when he sees the utterly defeated Mammon along side you.

“Hello again! I got your.. pfft. Water bottle back.”

He chuckles lightly, his eyes quickly shifted to Mammon after taking the glass bottle. Mammon, meanwhile, tried to force a smile, but it was clear that his anxiety was still getting to him. It was obvious, as he was fiddling with his hands. His eyes darted from you to Lucifer, back and forth again.

A slight hint of amusement could be noticed in his eyes. It was obvious that him getting his bottle back put both him, and Mammon, at ease. However, he didn’t have much sympathy for Mammon.

“Good, now there’s nothing for you to stress about! So Mammon and I will just go and leave you be—!”

— “No, No.. that’s okay. I have a couple of matters to resolve with Mammon.” Lucifer interrupts you, the smile on his face was no where near comforting.. Dang, you’re gonna have to face him head on.

Mammon flinched and quickly hid behind you. “H-Hey, c’mon now..! I swear he’s sorry and has learned his lesson! …I think. He wouldn’t be standing in front of your door if that wasn’t the case!”

His eyes narrow, “Don’t speak for him. He’s perfectly able to talk himself.”

“Oof, I guess you’re own you own on this one Mammon..” Mammon gulped hard, as he seemed to be getting scared all over again, for a split second he thought he was in the clear. “Just be honest with him. You’re already in big trouble as it is, so might as well.” You pat him in the back.

Mammon, kept choking on his words, before finally speaking up. “W..Well.. I-If I gotta be honest.. I-I thought I'd be able to hide it from you! I-I figured I could get away with it..”

“Pfft. Well, you thought wrong, and where did that get you?” Lucifer said sternly.

Mammon pretty much had his tail between his legs, you felt bad for the idiot.. “…Any chance you could go easy in him?” You reluctantly ask.

His glare then shot over to you, “Hah! And why would I do that?”

“I-I dunno..! But it’s not like any of your brutal punishments make him learn his lesson. M-Maybe you’re going about it the wrong way..?” At this point, you just felt like each word that kept coming out of your mouth only made you keep burying yourself further more into a grave. You were on thin ice and testing his patience.

Lucifer crossed his arms and raised an eyebrow. “Are you questioning me..?” his voice was cold and dug daggers at you. Yep, real thin ice.

You couldn’t bring yourself to look at him anymore. And your mind goes blank. “N-No no! That’s not it at all! I-I just.. think another method should be used.. I-I mean… think about it! Do you really think it’s alright to hang someone upside down for hours on end? The guy barely has any braincells working already and you wanna make him lose more?”

—“Hey!” Mammon yelps.

Lucifer pauses for a moment, “And what is it that you suggest I do then, hm?”

You scatter though your head with any potential ideas, but in a panic, the first thing that came to mind was what you spat out without thinking. “Psychological..?” You shrugged, but then was hit with the realization of your words.

Lucifer gaze becomes unfocused for a spit second, his hand reached his chin as he seemed lost in thought. A devious expression shows up on his face as he pondered over all the new endless possibilities.

He then lets out a chuckle, Mammon was an incredibly stubborn and slow demon, so making him suffer mentally would probably be the best course of action.. Lucifer seemed intrigued, as his eyes widened. Mammon, however, started sweating. He knew nothing good would come of this.. his eyes narrowed slightly and he looked over at Mammon. “I guess I'll just have to mess with his head, then..”

“Oh shit…”

Lucifer yanks Mammon out of your side and simply looked back at you with a content smile. “Thank you for such a lovely suggestion, MC. I assure you.. after tonight, Mammon will never dare steal from me again.”

Your heart sank when he uttered those words. “No wait! I-I was just kidding—!” Lucifer’s door slams shut, its sound echoed through the vast halls. Hearing Mammon’s cries was even worse.

You banged on the door, but Lucifer obviously didn’t open. “Mammon! I’m so sorry! I’ll make it up to you after this is over, I promise!! Stay strong!” You shout from the other side of the door..

And so, with a heavy heart, you return to your room..

• • •

Time had passed, and the next day came around. You could barely get a wink of sleep with the sense of guilt eating away at you..

The House of Lamentation had woken up once more, but there was a sense of unease around the entire area. Things seemed off, and it was hard to determine what it was.. The halls felt eerie, and everything seemed strangely quiet. There was no one roaming around, and it even seemed like Satan or Beel weren’t even around — the both of them are usually the first ones already up roaming around right about now... This place was too still for it to not feel wrong.

You walked to Mammon’s room, to check that he was still alive after whatever Lucifer decided to do to him. You gently knocked on his door, calling for him and asking if he was alright. But no one responded. He must be mad.. You apologized, but still nothing.

You decide to leave him be, you’ll properly apologize to him when all of you gather for breakfast. But you first want to talk to Lucifer.

You hesitantly knocked on the door, it was a gentle knock, yet it sounded so loud compared to everything else.. the sound echoed so loud it was almost deafening. The knock just seemed to amplify the silence. It was an ominous silence, the kind you'd feel in your bones. Nothing came from inside.

You felt sick to her stomach, ‘Why is the house so quiet..??’ You kept thinking to yourself. You step back a bit away from the door.

“L-Lucifer…? Are you not in there..?” You speak, reluctantly so. There was no response. No footsteps. No noise whatsoever. If he was in there, surely he would have heard you. The silence remained intact, and the uneasiness grew inside of your body.

You gaze darts to the doorknob, ‘should I check if it’s open..?’ Something inside you told her that you should, but something much bigger screamed to just go back to you room until things went back to normal.

The only sound to be heard was your own heart beat as you pondered the same question, yet again.

Curiosity seemed to have gotten the best of you though, and so you slowly proceeded to reach for the doorknob.. ‘If it’s open, it’s because it was intended… Lucifer would have it locked if he really wanted to..’ you think to yourself. You take a deep breath, and reluctantly turned the doorknob.

The doorknob turned easily, as the door swung open at a smooth pace with a soft creak. An unbearable, sickening feeling weighed on your stomach. Chilling cold air sighed out of his room — it was so dark in there..

You step back. It only took one step to realize your fears have become a reality. There was silence.. complete and utter silence. If this place was quiet before, it be a loud roar inside your head now as if you got stuck inside your mind, slowly being overwhelmed by the dread. Everything was so quiet, and it was as if you head was going to explode. It was so damn quiet.

You look at your phone and look at the time. It’s definitely usually the time everyone gets ready to go to class, so why isn’t anyone out??

“…L-Lucifer..?” You reluctantly call out again, only this time with a quieter voice. It once again remained silent and eerily quiet. That same nauseating, dread filling silence. Not even your own breathing could be heard, despite the fact it was probably loud enough to make your ears ache. In all honesty, the only thing you could hear right now was heart pounding and the blood rushing through your ears.

A few seconds went by, and you call again. But you were left there standing, and kept waiting for a sign, but nothing came from it. You were starting to feel as though you had swallowed pebbles, and now they were stuck in your throat.

You unlock your phone and went to give him a call. But much to your dismay, you were still faced with the same silence no matter how long your phone ran for.

You stared deep inside the room, zoning into its depths.. Before sprinting all over the House, checking each and every room. You first checked on Mammon, his door was also unlocked. But he wasn’t inside. You check for Levi, but even his Aquarian was eerily darkened. You called each of the brothers, desperately searching for any sort of sign from them. But there was no one in the house of lamentation.

Maybe they left you behind already left to RAD; you hoped. But you quickly realized you were gravely mistaken. Once you opened the door to leave, it somehow felt even worse..

There was nothing to listen to, same as inside. You couldn’t even hear the faintest breeze. You reluctantly walk into the street, looking side to side but no one was there. You start to jog, there’s no way this is happening..

But as you dread becomes worse, the faster you begin to run. It’s almost as if everyone disappeared from the face of Devildom. There were no lights on the neighboring buildings or houses, the stores and streets were empty. Not even the many stray cats hidden in the alleys were there.

RAD wasn’t any better, the whole damn building looked like it was shut down. A large lock prevented you from entering the academy itself. “Hello?? Can anyone hear me?!” You shout. But again. Nothing.

You then start running again, to see and check is there was anything around. There was no way you was on you own! There’s always way too many people out on the streets. You just wanted to see anyone, you didn’t care who! Heck! You didn’t even mind bumping into some demons doing the deep. Or came out to attack you. You didn’t care!

You ran and ran and ran some more but to no avail. Your head was racing faster than your own body allowed it. You could barely breathe, you lugs were in agony. And if they could, you legs would be on fire.

You eventually make it to the Demon Lord’s castle. Even Diavolo’s place was utterly dark with no signs of life in it. Devildom never had its own source of light like a moon or a sun — you never minded up until now.

You eventually end up back in the House of Lamentation, feeling utterly defeated and hopeless after hours of running. You sit in from of the door, the exhaustion slowly catching up to you.

You wrapped you arms around you legs, and rest your head on your knees. And tears began to creep on their own. It was as if a dam had broke.. You sat in complete solitude, completely alone as no one was there to comfort you. You mind was filled by so many thoughts — which didn’t help in the slightest. Nothing about this felt fair, you couldn’t control the situation and now you felt like you couldn't even be in control of yourself anymore... like some twisted form of torture, and you couldn't do anything about it..

Your cries slowly came to a stop, as did all other voices inside your head. The silence was deafening.. like the quietness before a storm. No voices, no footsteps, no sounds of life. Just complete and utter silence. You cover your ears with your hands, desperately attempting to block out the deafening silence. In hopes of bringing you some sort of comfort.

After you don’t know how much time passed of simply sitting there, you take out your phone and took a look at the time once more, but it looked incoherent.. You slowly stands up from your spot, feeling utterly numb and defeated.

You opens the door to the house of lamentation,

“…I’m home..” you cooed, the house was darker than when you had last left it as. You dragged your feet across the floor all the way to you room and shut yourself inside.

The world had been completely twisted, and you truly couldn't figure out why. It was as if someone had suddenly thrown everything you knew into the air, and now it was all coming back down in tiny ripped pieces, nothing would connect to form the picture you once knew.

You mind had completely disconnected itself from reality, you felt completely detached from everything around you.

You back hit your bed and you looked up aimlessly at the ceiling. Now even you head had gone quiet…

The exhaust finally caught up to you, and you pass out into a deep slumber.

You suddenly wake up looking up at the ceiling. But once you remembered what happened, you jumps up in a frantic state. You looked around your room, it was bright and comforting…!

You hear footsteps running up closer to your room, until you see Mammon opening your door. A frantic and awkward expression on his face.

“Yo, MC! Cover for me, will ya? Don’t tell Lucifer I’m here..!” He says as he comes in, then crouching to hide under your bed. And a glass bottle on his hand.

You were looking at him with a dumb founded look, you couldn’t even stop him from how confused you were.

A knock soon after arrives, you look down at the crack of the door — it was Lucifer..!

“….C-Come.. in?” The words came out on their own.

The door creaks open to reveal Lucifer with an irritated expression on his face. “Did Mammon come in here by any chance?” He asks..

You stare out into the abyss,

“He’s under the bed.” You say without hesitation.

“What?!—!” —Bonk— Mammon’s voice came from underneath, along with a loud thud and a groan.

“Thank you.” Says Lucifer with a Please expression, soon afterwards walking farther inside and forces Mammon out of the bed.

“Yo! Why’s ya have to snitch on me?!” He cried out.

“Sorry, Mammon. It’s for the greater good..” you say as you wipe away a tear from your eyes. Toodleling goodbye to him with your finger.

You watched as Mammon was dragged out by Lucifer, he cried and begged for mercy the whole way. You felt bad for snitching on him, but it’s a better fate than the hell you went through…

He’s a masochist strong. He can handle it.

End

Well.. it wasn’t a pleasant dream, that’s for sure.. 😔

Moral of the story, don’t question Lucifer.. 👍

[lexosaurus]

I worked as a substitute teacher for a few years and one day I helped sub in an 8th grade science class. They were doing math like speed=distance/time. But they had a...really odd method for it. That I commented on because I'd never heard of it before.

And the teacher was straight up like "Oh yeah, this makes it really easy for them to do it for the tests. But its going to really fuck them up next year when they are in high school because they won't understand how to reverse the division. But that's not my problem."

And that comment has lived in my head so much. Like, she just did NOT care that the method was bad in the long run. She just needed them to pass the state test that year.

Also, it's literally a very basic formula, what do you MEAN?

Ohhhhh yeah. That's not exactly the issue in my district, as funding for us isn't directly tied to our state exam scores (thank god). Mine is dealing with both grade inflation and no grades below high school. So kids don't want to learn things if they're not graded on the material. Which is fair, honestly, as I also would not have wanted to learn things I didn't like if I wasn't given a grade or any consequences for not knowing it either. Mine's also dealing with a lot of the "memorization bad" thing that's going around, hence why the kids are entering high school not knowing any of their times tables. They just used a calculator their entire lives. They have NO concept of what numbers mean.

Like, at the start of the year, I asked one of my classes what 2 + 0 was and I got about thirty seconds of 15 kids shouting every number except 2. Which was sort of wild to witness.

At the start of the year, we did a week of review and then we had all the freshmen take a quiz of 7th and 8th grade level easy math problems as a sort of wake up call for them. No quiz corrections either, which they've never not been allowed to retake a test before...

The class average was a C-. Unsurprisingly.

Content Teacher warned me right before she posted the grades, and I spent a LOT of time that afternoon talking the kids down from a metaphorical ledge.

Lots of angry parent phone calls, too, but the math department held firm. The students HAVE to know how to solve this stuff. They NEED to know their basic times tables, they NEED to know how basic fractions work, they NEED to know how to rearrange one-step equations.

After that, we had our Very Frank Class Discussion about how they felt about their education. They felt very frustrated and unprepared, which we validated as we're also frustrated that they're so unprepared. But we were honest about other things. We told them that they couldn't get by just sitting there on their phone and copying the answers off the key anymore. We aren't going to reward an A for minimal effort. Yes, you have to take notes, and yes, you have to follow along with classroom example of problems or you won't pass the class. The students are responsible for their education, we all offer extra help, all our emails are open, all they need to do is ask and we'll never turn them away. But they do need to start taking advantage of all the learning opportunities/supports they have now.

Honestly, I'm so glad we had that convo with them. Felt like they got to vent a lot of their frustrations, and they realized that we were here to push them, but we're NOT their enemy. All our students have a study hall block, and if they come to one of our rooms for even 10 minutes out of the entire hour, we will help them however they need.

A lot of my Freshmen have been really really good about coming for extra help, or emailing and asking if they can stop by for a few minutes to do a few homework problems 1-1 with me.

(And yes, for those worried, while we didn't let them retake that first quiz, two weeks later we did give them another assessment after on the same material, but with slightly harder problems and worth more points. Class average was a B!)

I tried to keep this short, but I guess I had a lot to say aksjnfksjdnkajn

[bad268]

Every Step of the Way (Pablo Gavi X Barca! Reader)

Fandom: RPF/FCB

Requested: Nope, I’m testing it out. I’ve been a Barca fan since 2018, but never actually did anything with it lol. Also, I’m aware he doesn’t speak English, but my Spanish is elementary level at best, so I’ll stick to English with Spanish nicknames.

Warnings: ACL recovery discussed A LOT  (I used my sister’s experience with it so yeah)

POV: Third Person (She/her)

W.C. 2208

Summary: What's worse than one ACL injury? Two ACL Injuries!

As always, my requests are OPEN

MASTERLIST // HITLIST

~~(^Pinterest)

Within 10 seconds, the lively stadium became silent. It was a freak accident, and it never should have happened. It was a normal game against Madrid, and she had already scored the point that took the Barcelona team ahead 2-1. Looking back, maybe it was ambitious to go for another goal so soon. 

She remembered going for the kick but could not remember anything after that. Maybe she got hit by another player or maybe she twisted her leg wrong. All she knew was that it hurt like hell. It felt like her leg was on fire as she registered being carried off the field by the medical team. 

In the locker room, she learned that she had torn her ACL. That was not something she needed to hear during the height of her career. Like her boyfriend, she was one of the youngest on the team and one of the most promising talents. And now, she had to come to terms with being benched for at least nine months.

The same week that she sustained the injury, she was already in surgery. It was a fast turnaround; she felt like she was getting whiplash. Everything during that week hand blurred together, and the next thing she knew, she was in their bed at her and Pablo’s apartment with a metal knee brace. That’s when it started to set in. 

What if she could never get back to her normal? What if she could never play again? What if there are complications with her recovery? What if this…What if that…What if… What if…What if…

That’s what Pablo walked in on; his girlfriend of two years was on the verge of a panic attack as she frantically pulled at the metal brace. She was crying and screaming that she was fine. She was just dreaming. She was not actually injured because it was all in her head. 

Pablo ran forward, pulling her hands away from her knee quickly before she could do real damage. He held her hands as he watched her thrash around before finally settling down when she met his eyes. Her eyes were watery as she met his, trying to regain her sanity, until she was able to understand what he was saying. “You’re okay. You’re going to be fine, mi vida (my life). I’m here to help you every step of the way. Wait, wrong choice of words.” He was rambling, something he only did when he was extremely nervous. The thought made her smile a little as she squeezed his hands to get his attention. “How are you feeling now, mi amor(my love)?”

“My leg is on fire,” She sighed, and Pablo had to hold back the smile since he knew the thrashing and pulling at the brace did not help her in any way. If anything, it made the pain more intense. Instead of voicing these thoughts, he just moved her to sit up on the bed. “Where are we going?”

“We are going to get you out of bed and get food. Then, I can give you more pain meds,” He replied quietly as he leaned down to press a small kiss to her forehead before kneeling to make sure none of the cogs on the brace came undone. That was the last thing they needed. “What are you feeling?”

“I don’t really care, whatever gets the pain to stop faster,” She complained as he pulled her up to stand on her one good leg. He pulled her crutches over as she playfully glared at him with no *real* heat behind them. “Do I have to use the crutches? They hurt my arms.”

“I could always carry you around,” Pablo offered with a smirk as he moved his arms to be under her arms and around her back as he picked her up straight. Clearly, this was not what she envisioned, causing her to laugh. Pablo chuckled with her as he was happy she was starting to get out of the deep rut she was in moments before. “Was this what you were thinking?”

“I imagined bridal style, but now looking back, this is probably the only plausible way you could carry me,” She admitted, and she was right. He could not really hold under her knees because of the stitches and the brace. It would have been more uncomfortable for her than using the crutches. “I feel like a ragdoll.”

“The cutest ragdoll I’ve ever seen,” He joked with her, causing her to roll her eyes as she slapped at his shoulder. “Hey! I wouldn’t hit the person who’s holding you up right now.”

“You wouldn’t drop me,” She gasped in mock offense. Pablo sent her a look that said ‘Challenge me,’ and she knew it was over. He loosened his hold on her as she slowly slid down his chest. She jokingly pleaded, “No, Pablo, please. Don’t let me go!”

“I’d never leave you,” He reassured as he pulled her back up and kissed her. “I’ll be by your side every day until you’re back on the field.”

“Then you’ll break up with me?” She teased.

“No,” he chuckled bashfully as he hid his face on her shoulder. “I’ll be on the sideline then.”

~~

After a week of recovery and relaxation, she started rehab. The specialist started her out on small exercises like bending her knee and slowly putting more weight on it. It was a slow process, but she was getting to the point where she could walk unassisted. Sure, she still had to wear the metal brace and use at least one crutch, but it was so she did not strain it any more than she already had. 

And who was by her side through every appointment? Pablo. Who was there every time she needed new medication? Pablo. Who was there to carry her every time she did not want to walk because he had no backbone when it came to her? Pablo. Boyfriend of the Year, honestly.

It finally got to the point where she could go to a game a month after her initial injury. Not to play in it, but she could sit in the stands and cheer on her favorite country. She was cleared just in time to attend the final game of Spain’s European Championship qualifying group against Georgia, and of course, her favorite midfielder was playing. She was not on the sideline per se, but she was in the stands in the first row from the pitch.

She was wearing one of Pablo’s kits (obviously) as she leaned her body weight against the barrier, cheering him on. It was still early in the game, and there were no points on the board. He was doing an amazing job given that he tweaked his leg a couple of days prior in the Barcelona game. He was running like he owned the field and making some good plays. 

Within 10 seconds, the lively stadium became silent, and she felt her heart drop. All she did was blink, and suddenly, she knew something was wrong. The camera zoomed in on Pablo, who was lying flat on the ground, clutching his right knee. His face clearly showed his pain, and it hurt her to see him in pain. It took a few minutes, but he was walking back on the sideline, getting checked out.

He came back a little while later for another play. Before he even started running, she had that feeling in her gut again. It was not long after running back to the field that he was kneeling on the grass, clutching his leg as the yellow card was thrown.

It felt like forever for her. She wondered how long it felt for him. How bad did it hurt? How bad was the damage? Did he just dislocate his knee? Would he be back in later?

She did not get to delve too deep into the rabbit hole. He was walking, well limping, off the field again with some assistance, but at least he was walking. That had to have been a good sign, she thought. She turned to grab her crutch, so she could make her way up to the concourse. Maybe they would let her down into the locker room to see Pablo.

It was a little difficult given that the game resumed and people were back up and cheering, but she managed to get to the concourse without tripping or injuring herself more. She approached a couple of security guards that she knew personally. 

“Do you know if I’m allowed to go down to the field or in the locker room?” She asked, hopeful, as they stepped away to radio down to the security by the locker room. It did not take them long to go back over to her and direct her to the elevator. Once again, it felt like forever, but she made it down to the base floor. 

She hobbled her way over to the locker room where she immediately recognized one of the Barcelona physicians walking out. It was eerily quiet despite the game being in full swing just outside the hall. It filled her with nerves.

She needed to keep her composure because he needed her support more than ever. She took a minute for herself and took a few deep breaths before she pushed through the door. Despite expecting to see him injured, nothing could have really prepared her for seeing him flat on the table. 

She limped over beside him where he had one arm over his eyes and the other fist clenching as physicians assessed his knee. She made sure to stay out of the way as she grabbed his fist, unwinding his fingers to grasp at her hand. She used her other hand to run through his hair as he kept his eyes screwed shut, leaning into her. 

After a few moments, the physicians finished up. Instead of vocalizing what was wrong, they gestured to her leg before pointing at him. They stepped out of the room, and that’s when Pablo noticed they were not touching his leg anymore, causing him to lift his head and look around. She took her hand out of his hair as she sat on the table since her knee started bothering her, and when he laid his head back, it landed on her lap. She moved her hand right back to his hair as he stared up at her.

“Guess who gets to play nurse now?” She attempted to joke.

“If you’re insinuating that it’s you, we’re screwed because you’ve only been recovering for a month,” He sighed, “No offense.”

“Oh, none taken,” She replied sarcastically as she took her hand out of his hair and leaned back on it. Immediately, he started complaining as he used his hand that was not already holding hers to reach back to find the other. “No, that was mean. Say you’re sorry.”

“I’m sorry, mi amor(my love),” He mumbled as he stuck out his bottom lip in a pout. “Will you play with my hair again now? I’m in pain. Speaking of that, did they say what they think it is?”

She smiled down at him as she put her hand back into his hair and he reached his hand back to hold her wrist there. “I know you are, and I’m sorry. At least we get to go through the same recovery.”

“You’re lying,” He gasped, eyes widening as he sat up and looked back at her. “Do they think I tore my ACL? That would mean I’m out for the season! And the EuroCup!”

“Welcome to the club,” She tried to joke, but he was not laughing. She moved so that she was sitting right next to him as she wrapped one of her arms around his shoulders and still held his hand in hers. “Hey, don’t start just yet. They probably need to take you for some X-rays and do a couple more tests. Don’t get too far ahead of yourself. You could have just strained it.”

“How long would I be out if it’s a strain?” He asked quietly, leaning back into her embrace. 

“Pretty sure it’s anywhere from three weeks to three months,” She said after she googled it. “Whatever happens, just know I’ll be with you every step of the way…wait. Not that. Wrong choice of words.”

That’s what broke him. He started laughing as he leaned onto her shoulder before whispering, “I get it.” Then, the physicians came back into the room with a gurney to take Pablo to the X-ray. He looked nervous and anxious again, but as soon as he looked over at her, he knew he would be fine. “Will you hold my hand, mi vida (my life)?”

“Of course, I will,” She answered endearingly as she stepped aside for the physicians to move him to the gurney. She grabbed her crutch and followed them toward the X-ray. He looked over at her, and at that moment, he knew that he could not live without her. They would be with each other through every step of the way, and when they were both healed, he knew just the way to thank her. 

~~~

Part 2 ->

~~~~~

© BAD268 2024. DO NOT REPOST WITHOUT PERMISSION.

[hourglassfish]

On Season 1, Episode 7 Part Three : Risottogate

OK look,

Go and get yourself an ecto cooler or something, cus this is long, OK? This is long.

You comfortable?

Alright, let’s go.

don't forget the Xanax!

Elevated Beef (stock)

There’s a connection drawn between Sydney and veal stock in the Bear. She spills it all over herself during Brigade. Claire interrupts Carmy purchasing veal stock for menu testing her bone broth idea at the end of 2:2.  It’s an interesting ingredient to align her with: a staple of French cuisine, something you’ll find in a professional high end kitchen but not necessarily at home, a distinctive, practical component which provides a subtle, solid umami base for a range of dishes.

The first time this connection is drawn is during one of my favourite interactions: the ‘plum haribo’ story in Brigade. Marcus has decorated his work station (I love him), and despite the fact that Carmy says he’s having flashbacks (eeeeeeek), I think he is happy to see this coming together of his two worlds.

They start talking about this fancy plum dish, and a gelee component (which will reappear in Honeydew!) that had to have a very specific texture. Carmy has been talking about the dedication needed to make this dish work with pride, presenting the texture of the gelee as a huge challenge, something it took someone a year to figure out. Sydney cracks it in less than a minute. Veal fat. She knows what’s needed, and she knows why: it congeals when it’s cold. Boom!

Carmy’s response to this always amuses me. He is not…dismayed exactly. Not quite. After all, it’s a reminder of her brilliance, and also that that world is not so far away.  That being said, she cuts across a punchline here; and what was a mystery to the best chefs in the world for a year is immediately obvious to her, to the extent that it’s not even really a flex on her part: she states it quite diffidently. Marcus’s gleeful ‘Mission Accomplished’ is very different from Carmy’s, which is a bit more ‘…oh.’.

On rewatches where I feel charitable, Carmy then implements the brigade cus he's been reminded that he has someone close by from that world, he has an ally that speaks his language, who is talented. On days when I feel less charitable, I combine this with him later talking her through the differences between stock/jus/demi-glace in front of Tina  like an asshole, and see him handing the brigade over at that specific moment, in the specific way that he does as passive aggressive. Most days I’m with the former! Still…we’re back in the grey areas of Syd and Carmy’s  dynamic. Where all the good shit is!

He's so glad she figured that out so quickly, absolutely not feeling a type of way about it, nope, not at all

I wanted to start with this story cus it opens up three things for me:

a) just a frisson, a hint, a delicious drop (!) of competition between Syd and Carmy 

b) the question, beloved by fanfic writers everywhere, of what the dynamic between these two might have been if they had met in a different context.

c) a third, messier thing, about Carmy going away, tooling up, coming back and it needing to be worth something, that going way. As far as he knows at this point, It didn’t achieve what it was meant to achieve, it didn’t get Mikey’s attention. Maybe he didn’t need to leave Chicago to do it. Sydney's talent tickles that tension, as does Marcus's (trios, trios!). So what was it for? What were the past few years of his life for, if a bunch of this stuff was in Chicago all along?

Who was Carmy away from Chicago? Who is he without his family? We’ve only seen one flashback so far, very much from inside Carmy’s head. The way he tells it is very different from what we see. At Al Anon, he describes himself like this:

‘when somebody new came into the restaurant to stage, I’d look at them like they were competition, like I’m gonna smoke this motherfucker’.

But you're tall and sexy, so don't worry about it babes

Gosh. Yes Chef!

I don’t think Carmy holds anything like this level of aggression towards any of the original staff of the Beef: it would be absurd: they don’t have his training or experience. For the most part we see doing the work of pulling a team together, which explicitly involves putting that kind of competitiveness to the side.

I don’t think he has this energy for Sydney.

Not quite.

I do think it’s an important thing for us to learn about his character. I do think that we are told it at the beginning of Episode 8, after Sydney has quit, because there are ugly feelings around the risotto dish. I do think that those feelings drive a lot of how Review goes down, and that Carmy knows this.  

This ferocious comparison and competition, used as a driving force, is a part of who Carmy is, and a part of the kitchens that he has come from. In another context, Sydney would have just been competition. And he’d have been trying to smoke her.

Let’s follow a humble bowl of risotto through THREE EPISODES, and about 5000 words, good GOD.

Tracing the Journey of the Risotto: Unanticipated

I tried to find appetising pics of her cooking the risotto but mostly it doesn't look very aesthetic, so here is Syd in my fave of her scarves.

A Risotto, playing on ‘tongue in cheek’ is first tentatively pitched in Sheridan, as an idea for a new menu that they have ‘spoken about’. Carmy is… noncommittal. He’s not into it, but he doesn’t say that, he just doesn’t really engage. I think there are a bunch of valid reasons to not be into it, tbh. I’ve ordered risotto to go. It’s always kind of gluey and disappointing. Sydney isn’t given a clear no, so she decides to cook it: it becomes something she has to convince him on.

He doesn’t get to try it in this episode as there are drugs to sell and about a million different fires to fight. We know that she dreams about this dish though. In this episode she talks about how thinking about her mistakes with Sheridan Road keep her up at night,  but the last images of the episode are of her dreaming: beef… raspberries… cola… fire: there it is. Cola braised short rib. We’re back in the realm of deeply personal creative expression that I spoke about in part two. That anxious energy around failing with Sheridan Road? Is going somewhere else, is being transformed. This is important, and has the potential to be profoundly healing. This dish has meaning for her.

The dish returns in Ceres. Syd is an unstoppable force with the dish, and having said she wants to be listened to, is not listening to several requests from Carmy for more time. Stressful! He deals with it well, at first. He is calm, and polite and asks her to hold on. Which is not a no. But then -

 ‘I know everybody you used to work for, I called them before hiring you’

oooooh weeee.

There is nothing wrong with him seeking out references. His reasons are logical, and he’s transparent about them. Personally? I think it’s sensible to let employees know you’re seeking out references to avoid paranoia, but it’s not a legal requirement. People do it informally via whisper networks all the time, both purposefully and by accident. Gotta say though, the phrasing and the timing of this ‘reveal’ made me wince.

There are a million different theories of feedback, of how to give and receive it well. One argues that feedback must be asked for, accurate and measurable. If it’s not measurable, then you are nitpicking. If it’s not accurate, you’re hating. If it’s not asked for, or at least delivered in an environment where it’s anticipated, it is unlikely to be received well. Carmy, unfortunately, delivers a whopper of unanticipated feedback here: ‘me and all your old bosses (I know EVERYONE YOU USED TO WORK WITH)have been talking about you and they all agree on this flaw’.

YIKES

Would I let Syd stab me for a bowl of this? Maaaaybe. Maybe.

My reading is that he wanted to ask for her patience, and to say that his decision to pace out the changes is coming from experience, but he’s being backed into a corner, so he summons up the spectre of her old bosses for back up. Syd had opened up last episode, and is still very vulnerable about Sheridan, so he unintentionally wounds her here. We can read this in her response. He says her employers said she was smart, talented,  green and impatient, she hears ‘me and everyone you’ve worked for think your business failed because you were green and impatient, that’s why you’re here, and why this dish can’t go on the menu’. This dish is getting entangled in so many other things about where they’ve come from.

He does take the time to reframe it: outlines his practical concerns, and starts to articulate that he wants to maintain calm before they make more changes - 

And then Sugar is banging on the door, demonstrating his point.

At this point, Carmy is trying to build a parachute. They don’t have one when Jimmy comes to visit in Hands, but they do have one that becomes Richie’s bail by Braciole. Reserve building takes steady, dull consistency, but this isn’t communicated, and they don’t agree on a timeframe for the menu development, or even to come back to this conversation. This is small stuff, I know I sound nitpicky! But in my experience managing people, tension builds in the unknowns, in the places where there aren’t specifics, especially when you have a team member like Sydney who is ambitious and dynamic.

Sydney is firmly in the realm of the job that Carmy specified here. He is dialling business, she is doing everything else. If you’re a nerd and you zoom in on her CV, she has done menu development before. She is green, but not that green. She is impatient, but she also doesn’t have the same complicated relationship with change at the Beef that pretty much everyone else but Marcus does. The risotto is the first unofficial test of the impact of strain on their (messy ass) working dynamic, to Review’s much more official gauntlet.

Why would they write a proper CV and film it if they didn't want me to spend 5 minutes hitting pause repeatedly until I'd read it?

*squints* designed daily specials with complete creative control! At Alinea! A THREE STAR MICHELIN RESTAURANT! At the time they wrote this, it had held and retained those stars for twelve years! She is not new to this!

Tracing the Journey of the Risotto Two: Unmeasurable

They try again with the risotto later. She is a little more patient, initially. She makes the effort and he thanks her for it. He tries it, which she really wanted (surely that will convince him!), and she has modified her request, from to-gos, to trying it as a special. Her equivalent of baby steps. She listened. She’s trying. Lovely Angel and my main man Ebra come by, taste and support Carmy’s ‘tremendous’.

But here Carmy gives feedback that isn’t measurable. It’s not perfect, but he doesn’t say why, even though he knows, and it’s an easy fix! He’s nitpicking, because he doesn’t, for a bunch of practical reasons, want to put risotto on the menu, but doesn’t want to shoot her down. He asks her if she understands after she has explicitly said that she doesn’t (cus he’s not being up front), and then doesn‘t explain himself. He’s not really asking if she understands, he’s telling her to stop. It’s not really the dish that’s not ready, not really, it’s him, he’s not ready to make a new raft of changes, to think through the gap between the Michelin star excellence he has come from, and the budgetary, practical restrains of where he’s at.

I think this is really fair. Or at least understandable. Carmy just wants to catch a breath, and he has to have oversight on so many different things at once, adding something else to that must feel terrifying. But the way he communicates this shuts down and restricts: he switches the dynamic from one where they listen to each other (which requires that they both explain themselves) to one where he tells and she does. It doesn’t really give her anywhere to go, so her frustration is inevitable and also understandable. Measurable feedback! Clarity. If you don’t want risotto on the menu Carmy, rip the band-aid, and say it, and say why. Get her to work on something that is going to fit with the menu in a different way, in the way that you want, and be clear about the way in which you want to shape it!

He knows he’s not been great here. Carmy apologises for ‘being shitty’ later in the episode (as others have noted, it’s a shit apology) and he also starts his apology with ‘needs acid’ in 1:8. He knows that a lot of Review is to do with this dish.

When Carmy apologises about being shitty later in Ceres, she doesn’t mention that she put the dish out earlier. It’s framed as a little moment of.. if not revenge, then a little something for herself. I think she knows it’s not OK, not really, or she’d have mentioned it, and her face says a lot when she says it’s cool.  I’m not a chef, I only ever worked FOH, but my instinct is that its dodgy and it fills me with unease. A grey area. A pop of tension.

Tracing the Journey of the Risotto Three: Hating

Whenever I think about the strikes, I think about the broader ensemble in this show.

The next time the risotto turns up, it’s being mentioned in a review. A lot happens here, so I’m gonna bullet point out all the references, then analyse some of them afterwards. I’m also gonna jump a whole bunch, cus I want to stay tightly focused on the risotto itself, and the dynamic between Syd and Carmy as relates to it:

Ebra reads the review out!

Syd has a lovely, gentle smile for Ebra as he reads it, her whole body relaxes as she taps at the tablet. This validation clearly means a lot to her. Ebra’s dynamic with both Sydney and Marcus is consistently a joy to behold. When he tells her in Dogs that she’s given Marcus a lot of confidence, she glows, and I think it’s something she really needed to hear. He’s subtle about it, but he never makes her life difficult when she implements the brigade. There’s something about the oldest member of the team, reading the review out, a little haltingly cus English isn’t his first language, that doubles down on the love that can be present in the Beef, making it all the more jarring when –

Carmy cuts across this and starts talking about the day’s opening with a ‘stop reading that shit’

Fam ‘that shit’ just described your food as elevated and elegant! In the foodie heaven that is Chicago! In your restaurant which is kind of failing! It’s your team’s first review since you’ve been there! So straight away you’re waiting for the other shoe to drop, because what has got his knickers in a twist?

Carmy is justified in being pissed off about Syd’s actions here. What he is not justified in, is not finding a way to celebrate the review itself with his team, who deserve to have this moment. It’s a milestone for them to get some external validation, and the restaurant, quite frankly, needs it. A five star review! Tina squeals with delight when she hears it. Before a new program and a busy shift is the perfect moment to read this out, and go into the work feeling good. A united, gassed up team? Would have killed those to gos.

Sydney is also responsible for this messiness though. In going rogue the episode before, something which could have been about the team becomes about her in a way that is sticky, and it becomes harder to celebrate. It was not her intention, but this is the outcome.

Ebra ignores Carmy

(cus he’s redundant and white JK JK don’t cancel me)

There is a double edged shout out to the team

‘the staff moves are next level’: this is such brilliant, important feedback from a team that has had to weather so much change! Also calls back to Richie:  ‘Uh oh, Sydney making moves!’ in the car in Hands.

‘The sandwiches are so delicious as ever, but the standout dish that... that, that encapsulates all, this was the risotto with braised beef. The rice was luscious with a surprising ribbon of brine running through the sauce. The chef obviously knew what she was doing’

THAT REVIEWER IS A SNITCH

Did Syd know that reviewer was a reviewer? I dunno man. Maybe! She’s Chicago born and bred, knows the food scene well. It’s not outside of the realm of possibility that she’d recognise him. Maybe she just wanted some good immediate feedback, while she was feeling shitty! Maybe all she wanted was him to send a message back to the kitchen that’s like tell Syd the risotto was great: the impact of his Review but on a much smaller, less disruptive scale.

I think it’s genuine coincidence, which unfortunately looks… not like that. The thing is: the reviewer being a reviewer isn’t what the issue is. The issue is giving food not signed off by her boss to a customer.  She'd have never gotten away with that at the places where she was before. Putting the dish out is going rogue, regardless of who she gives it to. It’s not a team move. If Carmy called in her old bosses for back up, she calls in his potential new customers. Eek. EEK.

Sydney desperately tries to get Ebra to shush, to no avail

(extremely funny work from Ayo, but also he’s pissed, and she either already knows it, or already antipates it – it’s hard to get a read on how long they’ve been in and when they learnt about the review)

‘river of brine, huh?’ 

Carmy, you little snark!!! This is very much his wheelhouse of expressing displeasure, he loves a little jab to the emotional solar plexus. My reading of his line is that what the reviewer tried and what Carmy tried are different, because if it had a ribbon of brine in it, I think that means that there was enough acid. Syd has two dishes, and she’s specific about Carmy trying one and not the other, so my reading here is that Carmy’s POV is not only did a dish go out of my kitchen without my sign off, but it was different from the dish I was given to try. Wince. Wince, wince, wince.

Sydney and Carmy have a fucking excruciating conversation.

Just the worst.

Carmy is not happy, but feels unable to voice this in a way that seems reasonable: he’s busy and stressed about to-gos, he hasn’t moved past the unreasonable feelings of resentment and annoyance to the clarity which enables you to articulate how you feel and why, and because Syd’s gamble paid off! It’s a net positive for the restaurant so it feels counterintuitive to reprimand her, but there is a conversation they need to have. He really does not want to have this conflict, because it’s complicated, and is, like most big blow outs over something small, about so much more than a plate of risotto.  He breezes over the conversation, but you can’t start with that ribbon of brine opener and then tell me shit’s not weird.

Compare this to Brigade, when Sydney is asked what’s up, and she is brave enough and vulnerable enough to be like – here are the things that weren’t OK, here are my expectations, here are my boundaries.

On the other side of the conversation, Sydney knows that she has slipped across a slightly odd boundary, but doesn’t acknowledge this. It’s good he liked it! All’s well that ends well. Right? RIGHT? But if he hadn’t? Very different conversation. It doesn’t matter who he is! He could have been anyone - someone that left a weird Instagram comment later, or someone who didn’t finish the meal and complained. Whatever the case may be, giving it to him unofficially was not an act of partnership, or listening, even if the initial communication was shitty.

She knows she’s overstepped,  but she doesn’t apologise and doesn’t acknowledge the specifics of what she’s done wrong, because she does not want to have the conflict that could come out of this either. She seeks affirmations that they are OK rather than trying to actually find out how Carmy feels and why, because at this point she doesn’t really want to hear it. She is seeking this conversation out 20 minutes before open! It’s not the time for a thorny, complex discussion.  

Compare this to Brigade. Carmy knows Sydney is pissed, and makes the effort to speak to her, in private, armed with the peace offering of Ebra’s Suqaar. He is very careful in that conversation to ask open questions (‘what’s going on with you? Say more?’) that enable her to respond honestly. He persists despite her having her walls up around the fact that she’s pissed. Sydney does not do this. The power dynamic makes it hard, but still. If she wants the connection needed to power reconciliation, that bravery needs to be in play.

are you sure we can't just power through this with sexual tension?

Sweeps congratulates her and tells her she’ll have to tell her dad

Hope Mr Adamu got a newspaper clipping!

Carmy says the sandwiches are totally different and the reviewer is a fucking hack. Syd looks sad.

This moment is why I opened this essay talking about veal stock. We are back in a moment with a gap between what has been said, and what has been heard. The reviewer said the sandwiches were delicious as ever. That’s not a criticism at all! These are not words that justify being called a hack! Carmy is pissed because the reviewer says they are delicious and they always have been, that Carmy has not improved on the staple that was there before him.

And that shit hurts his ego!

His whole thing was going off to learn ‘how to be better than mom and dad’s piece of shit’. We know he’s changed a bunch of things about the sandwiches. In Hands,  Sydney mentions that they’ve switched to market produce, which I’m sure is not unrelated to Richie’s ‘You’ve been here for two weeks and we’ve had money problems for two weeks’ in System. In Carmy’s time there, the bread’s changed, the method for cooking the beef has changed, the way they braise onions has changed.

To that customer? Delicious as ever.It’s not a dismissal, or an insult.  It is a reminder that Carmy didn’t have to leave, and go through all he went through, that there was delicious food and skills to be learned and refined without it. We know Michael was a talented chef. Even now, with all of where he’s been, Carmy cannot surpass him or his memory.

The person that does surpass that? Is Sydney. With food his palate did not deem good enough! Sydney who has not had to leave Chicago and her family. Sydney who has found a way to be creatively free, even at The Beef, in ways that Carmy has not really been able to, because his primary concern has to be money. There is understandable resentment here. But there is competition to the way Carmy cooks, something to prove, someone to smoke. There are reasonable feelings here, but some of them are really ugly, too.

Tina describes Syd as Jeff’s friend

This is a strange little line – because we know that Tina respects Syd as a chef at this point, and she doubles down on it later when she asks Syd to teach Louis skills, like she herself has been taught. So why’s it there? My feeling is that it’s there to remind the audience of what Syd and Carmy’s relationship is usually like. I wouldn’t call it friendship, I think they operate in a weird place that defies labels, but they have this synergy which drives the business. Tina evoking that in this moment draws attention to the fact that they are not in that space right now.

He's just got a very sweet face, it's hard for me to believe he's in trouble at school

Richie has a loud, performative conversation with Carmy about many things, but for the purpose of this section, he states that they don’t do risotto, asks if they’re going to, and Carmy definitively states that ‘no, they’re not going to do that’ he also repeats Syd’s phrasing that it was ‘an accident’

She stabbed the wrong ass if you ask me!

Nah, but for real, this is nasty work. I’m gonna come back to it in the next (penultimate!) bit of writing about the Beef, the Bear, Richie & Michael, Syd & Carmy. For now, I will simply say that Carmy is doing up major pass agg here, and it’s nasty to watch. He’s really, really unhappy with her,  and he’s struggling to hold it in, so it’s coming out in unhelpful and unpleasant ways that feel like humiliations in front of the whole team, and punishment.

There are really valid reasons for Carmy to be annoyed and to not want to talk about it right now.  The problem is that If you don’t create a pressure valve you take responsibility for, you will end up a) exploding instead (lol) and/or b) releasing that frustration in unhelpful and harmful ways.

They move towards this with their ASL sorry in Season Two. But here, Carmy says and implies a bunch of things to Richie that he needed to say explicitly to Syd two episodes ago, and two minutes ago: that he has no intention of putting risotto on the menu, and that he thinks her saying it was an accident was bullshit. He wants Syd to know it’s not OK without the hard, painful work of having to engage in conflict with her. It’s shitty.

Sweet Louis asks what a ribbon of brine is

He seems like a good boy, bring him back!

A BUNCH OF STUFF THAT I WILL WRITE ABOUT NEXT TIME HAPPENS

Richie, Syd and Carmy, it’s delicious (a nightmare).

Syd attempts a second conversation with Carmy – having vented some frustration  at Richie, and seeing how her workload is piling up and becoming untenable, she is much more open here. Carmy is not.

She’s blunt – we’re not on the same page. Carmy lies and deflects – we’re good, let’s get through the shift. He has his hands on his hips, with as much of his body turned away from her as possible, during this conversation, and walks off half way through it. Even if everything had gone right, this shift would have been a nightmare for Syd.

Everything is awesome!

The penultimate mention of the risotto is here. There is very little I can say that has not been brilliantly said by eatandsleepwell here - https://www.tumblr.com/hourglassfish/726487509540962304/eatandsleepwell-melonatures-this-one-second?source=share so I’m gonna link it.

That’s the last we hear of risotto for now, other than a quick reference to Syd as an arrogant and condescending ribbon of brine from Richie later. It doesn’t turn up on the tasting menu at the Bear, where it defo feels like a riff on risotto could have replaced one of their pasta dishes. That switch from rice to pasta feels pointed.

Spaghetti

Let’s treat The Beef as a character. If Sydney’s ingredient motif is veal stock, then The Beef’s is that family spaghetti.

Cheap and simple. Fucking delicious. Makes no sense and shouldn’t work, but was somehow the best seller on the menu. Distinctively Italian. Stuffed full of drug money(!). Always, always presented at the table with love, like a gift. You can elevate it if you want, but the fact of the matter is that even at its very best, it’s only gonna hit so hard cus it reminds you of simpler times, like the ratatouille (that is not a ratatouille!) from the movie Ratatouille.

Carmy rejects that meal at the top of the series. It ‘doesn’t make sense on the menu’, so he doesn’t care that people loved it. So far, so EMP. When he starts to cook it in episode one, it feels like a relenting to Richie’s bullying, and him throwing WHAT WE NOW KNOW WAS PROBABLY A FEW THOUSAND DOLLARS in the bin at the end of the episode feels like this exhilarating rejection of mediocrity. They change the lines for System, but in the pilot, Carmy literally cannot make the spaghetti, that last lesson from Michael is a real missing puzzle piece.

In Braciole,  when he gets the recipe, he goes to cook it, for family. It’s really nice, that scene, feels comparable to Sydney making omelette. It’s quiet, and Carmy seems content, if wistful. The pork instead of beef panic of earlier is put to the side for now. The previous day, Carmy has gone to Al-Anon and confessed, unburdened himself. Then followed two quiet days and a blue hued night of atonement: he reaffirmed his commitment to Richie, paying his bail and keeping watch all night, gave Tina the night off, apologised to Marcus and acknowledged that his behaviour towards Sydney wasn’t acceptable, as well as speaking to her about her dish, like an adult. Carmy has to do all of this before he finds the money, before he gets the validation that he’s really longing for from his brother.

JAW getting his Emmy, his Golden Globe, his SAG Award, his Bafta, his future Oscar Winning role.

If The Bear at its core is about grief, and the void that Michael’s death leaves, then one of the big journeys of Season One is the subsequent death of the Beef, ready for its rebirth as The Bear in the following season. Review is the short sharp stab to the gut, of Sydney leaving, and taking any hope that it can be reformed as is, with her work. I don’t think the nature of a puncture wound, and the shortness of that episode are unrelated.

Braciole is more of a death rattle: Jimmy’s debt keeping them trapped in shitty work they don’t want to do, situations that spiral out of control and descend into violence, their parachute turned to bail money. But Michael wanted more for his brother than that, and he has left him a foundation. He does not have to burn the place down, there need not be smoke and hellfire. There’s another avenue for rebirth, one where ‘set this place on fire’ does not have to mean an insurance scam, but instead can mean an ignition of all their ambition and dreams.

To get there there has to be an ego death first, a moment of hubris that gets our protagonists fresh, and clean, so they can move to the new. Sydney sees and experiences the worst of herself (more on this in the final part!). Richie gets stabbed (more on this in the next part).

Carmy? Carmy has to encountera crisis where not only could his training not save him but many of the lessons he learnt while he was away and his reasons for going in the first place actively made the situation worse, and those that had faith in him and his preferred system turned away from him, deeply hurt. His ego gets in the way of connection, and it shatters the partnership that he needs to make it all work. He is clinging to old ways of being that has not served him, but he needs to move forward into what is new. And he does.

Well.

He tries.

SMDH

WHEW

Another long one, sorry fam. I’m almost there though. Am I sorry? No, I’m grateful if you read it, and I hope you enjoyed it.

I hope I’m pulling this together coherently, that I’m showing a sort of throughline to the way I view Episode 7. I don’t think Sydney is perfect! I do think her walking out is narratively and politically (the show wants better for the workplaces its drawn from) necessary, and I hate, hate, hate the simplification of that decision to ‘he shouted at her so she bailed’. Please, you can’t think this show is well written and think her decision is as simple as that, it doesn’t make sense. That exit is crafted so that it is inevitable, there is a movie’s worth of build up to it.

We’re looking at Richie, Syd and Carmy next time, fam. I am trying so hard to cut it down cus it’s currently sat at 15,000 words, but I’m gonna try really hard to edit down, OK? I’m gonna try really hard.

I can’t respond but I value reblogs and comments so much!

This is part of a five part series! You can find the rest here:

Expect More: Syd and Carmy's relationship,

I know you'll be listening: Marcus, McDonald's and Freedom

Risottogate

Hiring New Fucking Broads: Syd, Richie and conflict;

"That's Not You" The Moment Syd Walks Out

[sleepyfan-blog]

Mattias' Arrival (1)

Author’s Note: This is Mattias’ introduction into the Astartes’ Husbandry AU and is connected to Cedric’s current character arc. For other adventures click here and here. First. Previous. Next.  Thank you very much @gallifreyianrosearkytiorsusan for letting me borrow her oc Petras

Tagged:@egrets-not-regrets @kit-williams @bleedingichorhearts @i-am-a-dragon34 @c-u-c-koo-4-40k

Warnings: Lying, manipulation, blood, violence, Petras being Petras

Summary: Mattias goes from chatting with one of his brothers to finding himself on M3 Terra. Luckily for him, he’s immediately found by a group of older Black Templars and made a member of their Crusade. 

“So… What do you think it’s going to be like when we are deployed with our firstborn brothers?” Matias asked as he gently nudged one of his siblings.

Lestra hummed briefly before shrugging “I don’t know. Hopefully they are a bit less uptight on the rules than our Ultramarine minders have been.”

“... Can you really blame them for that, though? Their Primarch arose from near-death while Maccrage itself was being invaded by Chaos and Xenos alike. For the first time in ten-thousand years a primarch leads the Imperium. Their gene-sire walks amongst them once again.” Mattias points out, a tiny smile appearing on his face and he sighed wistfully “Imagine if you will, if Lord Dorn were found alive and willing to lead the Imperium once more…”

Lestra let out a small sound, muffled by the hand they’d pressed to their mouth, as their eyes widened “I… Oh. I get it now. Yes, you’ve made your points, and made them well. I’m… I’mgoing to need to take a moment to process that last thought you’ve given me…”

Mattias nodded, stretching and yawning a little. He found the strict training schedule that the Ultramarines kept them on to be both familiar and comforting. “It’s about to be lights out so we should head to our assigned bunk room to sleep.” He pointed out. They had four and a half hours of downtime that they were allowed to use to do any number of tasks or even… Learning a new skill outside of their assigned roles as Battle Brothers. It was amazing if mildly terrifying.

It was an unprecedented amount of free time, and Matias was eagerly learning to wield some of the other kinds of melee weapons that were available to practice sparring with in the Ultramarines’ armory. HIs favorite so far was a spear and short-sword combo that gave him all sorts of two-weapons techniques to learn and practice drills with.

“We still have over half an hour before our assigned sleep time and we’re in real-space.” Lestra pointed out “I want to look at the stars on the observatory deck. It’s so much better to be able to see them, rather than trying to memorize star charts that the Mechanicum gave us to memorize during basic training.” Lestra pointed out, green-blue eyes shining hopefully at his Brother as he asked.

Mattias heaved a sigh. Some of their more wary fellow Primaris brothers had quietly insisted that if Primaris marines were to wander around different parts of the ship and away from where larger groups of them were, to at least stay in pairs, for their own safety. While the Ultramarines had been accommodating and pleasant hopes, some of their more tightly wound fellow Primaris marines were convinced their kindness was some sort of test, and that the usual misery would fall upon them all at one point. Mattias was pretty sure that wasn’t going to happen - if the Ultramarines were going to be cruel to them, why pretend to be nice at all? But he dutifully stuck to the request. “Alright. We’ll go to the observatory deck… Again.”

Lestras sulked a little “Yes, again! The star charts that we were given to memorize have so far not been entirely accurate! Some of them were wildly inaccurate. I suspect that the reason why the star charts are incorrect is because of the time it takes to survey a given star system and get it sent back to Mars means that the drift and motion of the planets and star or stars in the system have already shifted out of alignment… Or because one or more of the planets have been destroyed for one reason or another. But I find it really fascinating to compare the information we were given to what is actually tr-”

Mattias held up a hand, pausing his sibling’s rant, the amused grin on his face dropping a little “I’d be happy to accompany you to the observation deck. I know how strongly you feel about this… But you know to question the veracity of certain things is heresy! Please be careful with your words, dearest sibling of mine. I know that you are loyal and true, but our hosts don’t know you as I do and the walls have ears and eyes everywhere.” He kept his voice light and calm, trying to shake off the ominous worry gnawing at his hearts.

Lestras huffed and grumbled “It’s just… It’s possible to travel through time as well as in space in the Warp, both backwards and forwards relative to one’s starting point. There have been several documented cases of that happening on a massive time-scale. If we ever do end up in the past, the differences in how the star charts we memorized are, versus what we see before us is one way to have a relatively accurate guess as to when in time we are. That is all I meant by it.” Lestras grumbled, though they nodded slightly in understanding.

“Mmm-hmm. Do you want to tell me more about it?” Mattias asked, even though he had heard this particular rant from Lestras more than once. It was a favored topic of theirs, and he enjoyed the passion and joy in which they took in talking about stars and astral-navigation. Mattias found their enthusiasm to be very charming and hoped to find a similar passion one day.

The Ultramarines encouraged their attempts at varied learning, which was a breath of fresh air. Compared to the rigid training of the Mechanicum. Especially as they did not like questions beyond the acceptable ones, and punished incorrect questions and lines of thinking with heavy mecha-dendrites…. Unless one’s questions were unfortunate enough to get The Creator’s personal attention. While he seemed to enjoy indulging others’ curiosity when in a mood… Those brothers were often taken away and never seen again.

Mattias managed to pull himself free of his mauldin musings when he and Lestras arrived at the Observation deck. His sibling was too focused on the stunning spectacle of stars and planets to notice the lurking Ultramarine Captain standing near one of the armored windows. They rushed in, dragging Mattias along with them and pressed their hands against the toughened glass, looking at the planet that the ship was in geo-stationary orbit around.

Mattias couldn’t remember if he had been told the name of this world… But this was where the Primaris Lamenterts, along with their assigned ships and supplies were being dropped off at, to be led by Brother Sargeant Hagiel of the Lamenter’s third company. “Woah, hey, Lestras!” He called out as the other dragged him across the floor, glancing briefly at the Older Cousin who was watching them, a small smirk appearing on his face as he watched them. 

“What? It’s such a beautiful sight, and it’s not as if anyone comes into the observatory! It’s one of the least-used parts of the ship… Which I do understand, while we are in the warp, as it is quite dangerous to observe the warp, even through the gellar fields, madness and worse lies for the fool who does that… But in real space the view can be-” Lestras rambled, unaware of the Firstborn watching him. 

The Ultramarine’s shoulders were shaking a little, and he put his red and white crested helmet on, presumably to prevent the laughter that was clearly shaking his body to be heard by either of them. 

“Yes yes I know all that. But see, we-” Mattias started, before falling silent as the firsborn Marine raised an armored finger to his face plate, over where his lips would be, as a shushing motion before he slowly started to leave the observatory, moving soundlessly as he did so “-should be fine! Sorry, I thought I saw something. Now what do you think of the system?”

“The planets and other major bod-” Lestra started to say, before a blinding flash of white washed through the room, causing Mattias to cry out in alarm, throwing an arm over his face to try and preserve his vision, the other trying to grab blindly for his sibling.

~

Mattias could not say how long it took him to blink the blinding white out of his eyes. He knew for certain that he wasn’t suddenly teleported somewhere - teleporters had a different color and he both would have been forewarned about being teleported, or activated a teleporter beacon if he was high enough ranked to merit such an artifact… Mattias found himself at the bottom of some kind of ravine or canyon. The orange-brown stone walls stretched several hundred feet above, carved over time by the river that he could see. The water was a stunning shade of blue-green and shone in the bright light of the single star he could see in the sky. It was a cloudless day and he could feel a light breeze on his face. 

He fumbled with his helmet, which had been clipped to his belt, before placing it on his head, hearing it click into place before he activated the vox-caster in his helmet, broadcasting on all Black Templar frequencies first “Hello? Is anyone nearby? Do you know where we are? I don’t know how I got here, I was in orbit around a habitable planet moments ago. This is Brother Mattias of the Black Templars, can anyone read me?”

There was a deafening silence that lasted for what felt like an eternity before there was an answering voice on the vox “This is Brother Cazzard of the Sprechembriech Crusade of the Black Templars. From the confusion in your voice, I’m guessing that you’ve just landed on Ancient Terra. Send me your coordinates and I’ll come get you… What’s your rank? I am a veteran battle brother.”

“Uhm… It’s a little complicated?” Mattias answered as he dutifully sent his exact location to the Brother he was speaking to “I’m a Primaris marine, sir. I am… I was with the Indomitus Fleet, along with the rest of the Primaris Black Templars, heading to where the Black Templar fleet was being assembled to swear fealty to the Imperial Regent, who is leading the Indomitus Fleet.”

“Ah so you don’t technically have a specific rank within the Black Templars because you haven’t met your older brothers, yet. Given what I’ve heard about Primaris Marines, you’d be considered an Aspirant, until one of us takes you on as an Apprentice. Who’s the Imperial Regent, by the way?” Brother Cazzard asked “Got your location ping… I’m close to the top of the canyon you’ve found yourself in. There’s a footpath that you can use to get to the top of the canyon. This place is a pretty popular attraction to the local mortal populace. I’ll bring you to the sarge and he’ll explain the hows and whys of where we are, Mattias.”

Foot path?... Hmm… Oh! He could see small groups of mortals, some of them riding four-legged animals, walking down the path. They were across the river from where he was standing. “I see the path. I’lll need to cross the river to get there. Is the water safe to move through?”

“It is. Are you in armor?” Cazzard asked. “And is it void-ready?”

“Yes sir, on both counts.” Mattias answered promptly.

“Good lad. Just walk across. There shouldn’t be enough pressure in the water of the river to cause you issues, and the water doesn’t run fast enough to cause you problems when crossing. See you soon, little brother.” Cazzard rumbled. 

Mattias pouted a little as he did as he was ordered to, as he could hear the amusement in his voice.

~

Two months passed without Mattias noticing the time. The realization that he was on Holy Terra was a huge shock to the young Black Templar, who had never had the honor to step foot on those sacred grounds, despite having been trained ever since he could remember within the halls of the priesthood of Mars. He had briefly interacted with other wandering Crusades of older brothers, but mostly kept respectfully quiet and to the back of the group, observing how his older brothers interacted with one another.

There were groups of Firsborn Cousins who preferred to stay in one place and dig in, fortifying whatever town or region that they lived in. It was in one of these forts where he had briefly met a couple of his fellow Primaris Marines - an incredibly anxious Judiciar and a tightly wound Apothecary in training.

Both of them had been nice enough, but they had also been really weird and borderline hostile towards his older Brothers - who while strict, had taught him much. They also interacted with traitors on purpose and without the due venom and wariness that warranted, so Mattias avoided interacting with Ramiel and Cedric more than absolutely necessary. 

Captain Deitrich - a venerable Dreadnaught who serves as the leader of their warband - called out to Mattias. He had been speaking with the leader of the other Templar Warband who were in the area, a Chaplain Captain. “Mattias, come here, lad.”

“Yes sir.” Mattias answered obediently, standing up from where he had been sitting on the ground, making minor repairs to one of his boots, sliding his foot inside of it before walking over to where his Crusade Leader was standing. “Did you require something of me, sirs?”

The Chaplain Captain looked him over critically before humming “You are indeed a Primaris Marine. Of the handful or so I’ve heard of being on Ancient Terra, you’re the only one I know of who is part of a proper Crusade… Which I find strange, given that there are at least two, possibly as many as a half-dozen Primaris Black Templars within the nearby mortal city. Not that the Cousins who run the base will allow us to meet any of them.”

Mattias blinked in confusion “Are… Are you talking about Judiciar Ramiel, and Apothecary in training Cedric? I’ve met them once or twice… They were a little strange, but nothing that some time around Older Brothers wouldn’t fix.”

“Care to explain that comment, apprentice?” The Chaplain asked, his steely blue gaze sharpening a little as Mattias spoke. 

“Both of them were tightly wound and very anxious. I imagine being surrounded by strangers and forced to be polite to filthy traitors and corrupted heretics is awful.” Mattias answered, shuddering a little at the very thought. He couldn’t imagine staying in one place all the time. Being unable to wander and explore, on top of all of the nonsense that they had to deal with. He was perfectly happy to stay with his older brothers. 

“... I see. Walk with me, if you please, Matthias. I think I may know this Ramiel, from Before, and I’d like to discuss what you know of him in greater detail, privately.” Captain Petras murmured, his voice quiet and thoughtful as one of the other’s hands lightly pressed against the middle of Mattias’ back.

Toroz looked up from where he was leaning against a nearby tree and tending to his chainblade “If you wanna talk about the other primaris marines, why not in front of us? They’re our little brothers too, same as Mattie here.”

There was a flash of emotion that crossed the Chaplain’s face, but it faded as quickly as it came. HIs voice was clipped and curt “Ramiel may be my apprentice, from Before. He…” There was a tremor in his voice and he looked away from the two groups “He was killed, in M42. I was unable to avenge his death, before being brought here by the whim of whatever brings us here.”

“... Oh.” Toroz responded, a guilty look appearing on his face as he took a half step back, looking away from the chaplain captain. 

“I’ll tell you know about Judiciar Ramiel, but truth be told sir, I don’t know much about him.” Mattias answered earnestly, dutifully walking alongside the older Black Templar, mentally going over what he did know of the other Primaris marine.

~

“You know, you very nearly had me fooled for a moment or two.” Chaplain Petras murmured his voice light, and almost pleasant, if not for the strangely intense expression on his face. 

“What do you believe that I’ve fooled you about, sir? To my knowledge, I have done or said nothing that would present myself or anything that I know of in a false manner, sir.” Mattias asked, a genuinely confused expression appearing on his face as he looked at the older templar.

There was a very strange and disconcerting look on Petras’ face as he stalked closer to where he had ordered the younger Astartes to sit. “That you didn’t recognize me. That you didn’t remember our last encounter. It did take me a few moments to place which of the abominations whom I had culled in M42 you were. But then I remembered your timid, babbling Brother. The one who rambled uselessly about star charts.”

Mattias felt his hearts lodge themselves into the back of his throat, and his eyes widened in utter confusion and distress. Cedric and Ramiel had both warned him that not all Firstborn Brothers had reacted well to the Primaris Rollout, particularly within their own chapter. “Are… Are you referring to Brother Lestras, sir?” He asked, voice cracking in grief and anger at the thought of his sibling being killed for existing. There was nothing wrong with them!

Petras sneered down at him, raising a power-claw clad fist and attempting to strike him across the face “Did I tell you that you could speak, abomination? But yes. Lestras was that waste of resources name, I remember now. I found him here, you know. On Ancient terra. His wounds were grave, but survivable. I knew that those soft-hearted fools would be coming by soon so I could not kill him fully, but I ensured that his wounds would kill him.”

Mattias had been so startled by the reveal that, had he not been trained since he could begin to move combat maneuvers, he would have allowed the blow to hit him. As it had been long-engrained inside of him, Mattias rolled backwards off of the rock he’d been sitting on, evading the strike. “You… You killed them here? On Ancient Terra? Why?!” Mattias snarled, now up on his feet, fury boiling in his hearts. How dare this bastard do this?

“You Primaris Marines are wasteful abominations of flesh and gene-seed. You should not exist, and it is my duty to cull you miserable wastes of sentience wherever I find you. The God-Emperor himself has granted me this second chance to continue the culling. Why else would I have been brought here, after I was struck down by that fool, otherwise?” Petras revealed, the utterly terrifying look on his face intensifying “I did not say you were allowed to move, abomination. You will kneel before me and take your punishment for existing and for daring to endear yourself to proper marines. To true Black Templars.”

Oh like fuck he was! Mattias hissed “The fuck I will! You just admitted to murder and you’re calling me the abomination? That’s fucked. You want to hurt me? Just try it old man!” With that he charged the chaplain at full speed, pulling out his blade and trying to slash at the other with an overhead, two-handed strike.

It felt as if time had slowed down to a near stop, as Mattias tried to continue his charge.

Petras laughed, one hand on some kind of device, the other hand curling into a fist as the electricity crackled in the power-fist before slamming his fist into Mattias’s rib cage. “You poor, foolish idiot. Do you think that you’re the first abomination to try and lash out?”

Mattias let out a pained whimper as he felt his ribs crack and the electricity set fire to his nerves, still stuck in some strange sort of temporal slowing unable to dodge or attack back. “You… Bastard!” He slowly, agonizingly slowly, staggered towards his helmet, intending on calling out for help. 

In between one moment and the next Petras had somehow snatched up Mattias’ helmet and threw it out of his immediate grabbing distance and struck him with impossible speed, this time striking his back with another electrified punch from the depths of the warp itself “Oh no. I will not let you -”

Mattias heard something snap in his back and he felt the feelings in his legs go numb. His hearts were pounding away so loudly and so swiftly in his ears, his breath rapid and shallow, and yet… His body was so slow to respond. “Bastard!” he hisses, interrupting the other’s rant. There had to be something he could do? They weren’t too far from the rest of the group, so if he yelled loudly enough… They should hear him. Mattias took in as deep of a breath as he could manage and screamed “HELP! HELP ME PLEASE! HE’S TRYING TO KILL ME!”

The sound of his voice seemed to echo strangely off of the trees and bushes and Petras laughed, dark and amused “You poor, naive fool. Do you really think that I would have been so careless as to make sure that they could hear you? I am quite familiar with how far Primaris Marines’ voices can carry. How loud they can be, when they are desperate, sniveling and hoping for a rescue that will not c-”

The sound of several sets of armored footsteps echoed reassuringly back and hope blossomed in his chest, even as Mattias could not stop himself from falling to the ground. He used his hands to catch himself so that he didn’t smash face-first into the ground. “Please… Help!” Mattias called out, forcibly rolling himself so he was face up, yanking his limp legs to help in the movement with his hands. 

Pain continued to blossom around him as Petras continued to hiss and strike at him until Toroz came charging into the clearing, staggering to a halt at the sight before him. “What… What are you doing?” He demanded.

Petras looked over and stated “I am punishing this insolent whelp. He has been incredibly rude to me while out of sight and hearing of you and his other superiors he actually listens to so I am administering the punishment he deserves.”

“Then why was he screaming that you were trying to kill him? Stop hurting him! You know the consensus - if an underling from a different crusade needs punishing, you need to go to their highest ranking Brother, not administer the punishment yourself. Not without permission.” Toroz snapped back, rushing over to Mattias side, blocking Petras’ next strike by grabbing the other’s hand. 

“You have no right to -” Petras hissed, visibly incensed.

“I have every right to intervene. He’s already bleeding and I think you damaged his spine.” Toroz hisses, cutting off Petras mid-rant. “This isn’t the first time that your punishments have clearly gotten out of hand. I’m going to ask the captain to pull the council together to fucking censure your ass. I swear to-”

Petras yanked his hand out of Toroz’ grip and slapped him with the other, growling “You have no right to threaten me! I will have you punished for your cheek. Besides, Brother Sargeant Toroz has been dead for ten years. I don’t know who you think you are, but you’re certainly not him.”

Toroz growled and kicked Petras square in the chest, sending the other flying through the clearing and through a tree, his black and white armor turning to teal and silver. “Get fucked, you stupid bastard. To hell with this assignment, I’m not letting an aspirant get mauled to death by a lunatic in front of me. Come on, hatchling, let’s get you treated.”

“You… You’re teal?” Mattias whimpered, eyes going wide as the older marine walked over, bent down and scooped him up.

“Sure am. Don’t struggle, I am trying to help you. Alpharius’ tits, he’s done a number on you.” Toroz or whatever his name was swore, putting Mattias on his back and sprinting off “Keep talking to me. Yell at me about how much of a low-life I am. Come on, where’s that fiery temper your chapter is so well known for?”

Mattias whimpered again, the jolting pain from the other’s movements causing him increasingly difficulty to breathe “Oww… He said. He said I was an… ‘bomination… Why was he so mean to me? I didn’t do anything wrong? I didn’t not do stuff I was supposed to… Why does he got to be so mean?”

“I don’t know. There’s something deeply wrong with that fucker. But don’t worry I’ll not let him hurt you anymore, hatchling. You just focus on staying awake and keeping breathing.” Toroz ordered him.

[newestq]

banana milk (c. jiung/최지웅) — masterlist

synopsis — making banana milk with jiung at 4am.

author's note — i love jiung sm.

fluff, gn!reader, intak + soul + keeho mentioned

"vanilla or vanilla?" you ask in english, grabbing the pure vanilla extract from the cupboard. pursing your lips, you slowly poor some onto the 1/2 tsp. measurer.

"va... nilla?" jiung's voice raises in pitch by the end of his question. he wasn't sure what you were asking.

"the pronunciation," you say, adding the extract to the blender. "do you say it with the i or the e. i say it with the e. vanella."

"i think i say it both ways." jiung pushes the chopped up banana over to you, picking up the extract for you. "why do you bring it up?"

"keeho and i were bickering about it, so i wanted to get your take on it."

jiung laughs softly, taking a piece of banana and popping it into his mouth. "keeho bickers over everything." he stands by you, leaning his back against the counter as he watches you slide the banana pieces off the cutting board and into the blender.

"true. do you have milk?"

jiung crosses his arms, squinting his eyes. "it would've been great to ask that before we started."

you giggle, tilting your head to a downward angle slightly. "i forgoooooot."

though he tries not to, jiung can't help but smile. he pushes himself off the counter and checks the fridge for milk. fortunately there's a little left.

"you're lucky intak hasn't had his ungodly hour cereal craving yet." he hands you the milk and you laugh at his remark.

"hopefully the blender doesn't wake anyone up."

"i don't even think they know we own a blender." jiung is standing by your side now, his hand placed softly at your waist.

"well there isn't enough for them, so." you shrug, closing the lid. you reach down to the buttons to start blending, but you realize it's in japanese.

"it was a gift from shota's mom," jiung says upon seeing your hesitation. "it's this one." he clicks the button for you.

the blender makes a loud sound, and you feel jiung's hand tense on your waist. turning your head to look at him, you pull your smile back and widen your eyes. he smiles, letting out a short laugh.

the blender turns off on its own, and thankfully the bananas seem blended enough to not have to sit through another two minutes of that.

jiung grabs two cups from the cupboard above you and you poor the drink into the glassware.

"homemade banana milk taste test," jiung says, and he takes a sip of the drink. you watch for his reaction as you take a small sip of yours.

he takes the cup away from his mouth and smacks his tongue as he squints his eyes, brows furrowed, in thought.

"it's lacking something."

"you didn't have condensed milk."

"that's probably it," he says, pointing a finger. "it's good though. i like it. not sure if it's something i'd make at 4:36 in the morning, though."

"okay, my bad," you purse your lips, as you put your unoccupied hand in the air in guilt.

"let's finish this and then head to bed, yeah?" you nod, and take another sip of your drink. jiung is halfway finished his.

as you take the last sip of your drink, you hear footsteps coming from up the hallway. jiung takes yours and his glass, setting them in the sink for jongseob to do tomorrow morning ( sorry not sorry, jb ) he thinks.

intak appears in the kitchen and he looks at the both of you with sleepy eyes. he's too tired to say anything.

he goes to the fridge, and you and jiung smile to each other as you sneak out of the kitchen, giggling like little kids when you hear intak groan.

"who the fuck drank all of my milk?"

[flameraven]

All the Kingdoms of the World

You know what historical flashback I want to see in S3? Crowley's temptation of Jesus. Especially with Jesus returning in the Second Coming, I think that would be a very interesting character moment for both of them. Here's the way the scene plays out in the Bible, Mark 4:1-11:

4 Then Jesus was led by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted[a] by the devil. 2 After fasting forty days and forty nights, he was hungry. 3 The tempter came to him and said, “If you are the Son of God, tell these stones to become bread.” 4 Jesus answered, “It is written: ‘Man shall not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.’[b]” 5 Then the devil took him to the holy city and had him stand on the highest point of the temple. 6 “If you are the Son of God,” he said, “throw yourself down. For it is written: “‘He will command his angels concerning you,     and they will lift you up in their hands,     so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.’[c]” 7 Jesus answered him, “It is also written: ‘Do not put the Lord your God to the test.’[d]” 8 Again, the devil took him to a very high mountain and showed him all the kingdoms of the world and their splendor. 9 “All this I will give you,” he said, “if you will bow down and worship me.” 10 Jesus said to him, “Away from me, Satan! For it is written: ‘Worship the Lord your God, and serve him only.’[e]” 11 Then the devil left him, and angels came and attended him.

The account in Luke is very similar, mostly just switching the order of the temptations. Now. Good Omens puts Crowley in that position instead, and I can't see Crowley tempting Jesus to "bow down and worship him". But I do think he'd have some very interesting questions for the Son. It's probably the closest he's ever going to get to asking Her directly. Side note: boy oh boy do I want to see how Good Omens handles the whole "Jesus IS God but is also a separate entity" aspect of Christianity. Good Omens has, I think, a pretty critical view of God, with Crowley as the audience surrogate making a point to look at God and Heaven's actions and be like "is it just me or is that pretty fucked up?" So I am desperately curious to see if Jesus, who IS God according to doctrine, is on board with Her whole Testing-Humanity-to-Destruction plan or not. Does Jesus have Free Will? Jesus accepted his destined role to die for Humanity; is he going to rebel like Adam did, or be fully on board with leading Apocalypse 2.0? Anyway! Crowley's temptation. As I said, I doubt that Crowley handled things the way we see in the text. I can't see him asking Jesus to worship him. I could see him instead trying to appeal to Jesus's humanity and/or free will, though. Something like: Look at this, there's a whole world out there. Why not go live your life? You could go anywhere you want, do anything. Are you really going to do this? Sacrifice yourself at Her command? In a way, it could be the same message he gave Adam at the airbase: you're human, you have free will. You don't have to be what Destiny says you should be. You can choose. We know that Jesus, at that time, chose to follow his Destiny. If he gets a second chance in S3, will he make the same choice? I do think that "do angels and demons have free will? (yes)" will be a key theme of S3, and I'm fascinated to see whether that idea extends to Jesus, too. I'm doubtful it will be so easy as Jesus refusing his role, though-- this seems like a story about the power of powerless individuals to affect change, so having the story resolved by perhaps the ultimate Authority figure doesn't seem to fit. But we do know from the promo teasers that something about Armaggeddon 2.0 has "gone wrong...."

[numinously-yours]

Pick a Card: Are you aligned with your highest good?

This week’s free reading topic is: Are you aligned with your highest good?

We are asking the cards:

Yes, No, Almost

2.a If yes, what are you doing well?

2.b If no, what is blocking you?

2.c If maybe, what can you do to get closer?

3. If you continue on your current path, what can you expect?

4. Possible upcoming interference

5. Final messages from your guides

If this reading resonates, please like or reblog and tag your group! Tipping options are available on my etsy: $1 and $5 options

Group 1:

Yes, No, Almost – Seven of Swords

At this time, it does not seem that you are aligned with your highest good. You are running away from something. You are trying to take the short cut to get where you want to go, but these short cuts don’t actually lead you there. You are letting yourself be tricked into following this path because you’re convinced it’s easier. But, that doesn't mean it’s the best for you. (PS, none of this reading comes from a place of judgement for me as your reader).

What is blocking you? – The Sun

I want to say “your mindset is the clouds that block the sun from shining”. Whatever it is that scares you about moving forward creeps out whenever the merest bit of sun comes out to tell you that you’re doing all the right things. Then you revert back because taking the leap is scary and feel too hard. The Sun card does remind me of youth and having fun, so there may be a part of life that you’re being urged to take more seriously. While the universe does have your back, you can’t be a passive player in your own life. You absolutely deserve to have fun, but if you want to be on the right trajectory your visions of your personal power need to grow.  

What can you expect if you continue? – Nine of Pentacles rev.

I can see your self-esteem taking a hit if you continue the path this way. Eventually, you’ll start realizing that you needed to be making changes sooner rather than later and you’ll feel some self-guilt. You’ll go through this reflective period where you look back on the times you knew you needed to change or act differently, but you just didn’t. Unfortunately, this is going to just add fuel to the fire and at some point, you might think “what does it matter if I’m already this far gone.” There is always time to find your best life, pile 1.

Possible interference – Ace of Pentacles

Something that may get in the way of making these changes & getting back on track could be materialistic manifestations. Along the way, you’re going to want to fill your life with material things that “you’ve always wanted” or that fill you with excitement at the time, but will not ultimately bring you peace. These are just things that are filling the void. When new and exciting opportunities present themselves to you, take time before making any decisions. Figure out if these things are going to provide long term progression for you or if they are only going to make you feel good for a short period of time. Investments are worth it, trinkets are roadblocks.

Final messages – Page of Wands & Ten of Swords rev.

Your guides see your limitless potential, group 1. All of your excitement and fun energy that may get the best of you are still some of the best parts of you! You just have to channel it differently. Create some plans maybe or test the waters before you decide to fully commit to something. Directly from the guidebook “The page of wands can appear when a spiritual path may be calling you.” Your guides want you to know it’s not too late to make changes and re-invest in yourself. They are here to remind you that, even if you don’t know what the reasons are, that everything happens for a reason and even though changes are scary, you will see their purpose(s) soon.

Group 2:

Yes, No, Almost – Ace of Swords rev.

With this, I think you’re almost on the path but you don’t feel ready to decide which way to take. You may have been having some “it’s too good to be true” feelings lately and so you’re hesitant because you don’t want to end up feeling like you got played.

If almost, what can you do to get closer? – The Devil rev.

Oh yeah, this card absolutely reflects the above notion of being nervous/afraid to take the next step. There are self-limiting beliefs from your past that need to be confronted. Do some shadow work and reflection on deep feelings. I know journalling isn’t for everyone, but just start writing. You don’t have to write for the purpose of immediate reflection, but reflection can occur once you start writing. Try finding a way to integrate your shadows into your life more constructively. For example, “I failed at this thing because I suck” can become “I think I suck because I failed at something previous in life, but everyone fails at some point. This is just a part of life.” You’re not eliminating the feeling that you’re having, but you have the understanding that why it’s presenting itself. Lastly, if there is anything you feel shame about that is preventing you from moving forward, find an outlet to reduce that shame. Reflect on that and, just like the shadow feelings above, determine if it is a capital T Truth about yourself or if it is just a part of your life and it doesn’t actually define who you are.

What can you expect if you continue? – Four of Swords

In this particular reading, I think that continuing to ruminate on the feelings that are holding you back is going to put you into a state of stagnation. I don’t necessarily think you’ll move backward, but you’re not going to move forward either. You may get more in your head by convincing yourself this is where you want to be and so you might end up settling for something that isn’t good enough for you.

Possible interference – The Tower

Confronting your shadow self might slow down the process, BUT it is a necessary step, so I don’t think it’s necessarily a set back but more of a detour. Sometimes we have to break down structures to their foundations in order to build them up stronger. I think this card presented itself to let you know that you might begin feeling like you’re falling behind and so it’s going to feel like interference. You’re going to wonder if you’re doing the right thing. After tower moments, though, we come back stronger than ever.

Final messages – Knight of Wands

Your guides want you to reignite your passion for life! Instead of continually focusing on the big picture, focus on the small things that make you happy. There are things in your life that feel just right. Lean into those! Once you start meeting goals, you’re going to see how unstoppable you are. This is going to help you along with your shadow work and will make that feel a little less daunting, too. You may feel like your passions are silly, because other people think so, but if they bring YOU joy, it doesn’t matter what those people think. You will find people that share your energy. That’s when you’ll know you’re on the path.

Group 3:

Yes, No, Almost – The Emperor rev.

This pile was teetering between no and almost. You may have been interested in group one, but came this way instead. I think the reason for it being “almost” instead of “no” (as group 1 is) that you know what you need to do, you just don’t feel like it. Whereas, group 1 knows what they need to do but they do different things instead. You aren’t necessarily reverting backwards, but you’re also not moving forward.

If almost, what can you do to get closer? – The Magician rev. & the Eight of Wands

Maximize your potential, group 3, and take that action! You know what you have to do and nothing is going to happen until you do it. It could help you to determine specific goals and manifestations. This may help you feel more successful along the way, encouraging you to keep the momentum up. Maybe by creating, and reaching, the smaller goals you’ll start seeing the evidence you’re waiting for – that change IS possible.

What can you expect if you continue? – The Star rev.

If you continue to keep yourself in this rut, you’re going to start losing faith. It will turn from feeling like you have the power to do it if you just DO to feeling like there’s no point because “it won’t happen anyway”. It’s almost a self-fulling prophecy in this case. You may become disconnected from your goals and you’ll start to settle for less than you’re worth.

Possible interference – King of Pentacles rev.

One of the keywords for this card is literally “stubborn” which is the exact feeling I have when determining “almost” above. Your stubbornness is your biggest enemy right now. There is no shame in admitting that you are stubborn. Growth is a good thing!! You’re allowed to do things you said you wouldn’t or didn’t want to. You get more information every day that consequently adjusts your expectations. “Succumbing” to those does not make you weak or silly.

Final messages – The Hierophant

Your guides want to leave you with the understanding that, no matter what, they’ll still by your side. Remember to lean on them when you’re struggling making these changes and taking plunges. Listen to your intuition and do things even when they’re scary. If you’re afraid of following in someone’s footsteps and do not want to, this message is to tell you that you are not that person and if you stick to your core beliefs, you won’t turn out like them.

Group 4:

Yes, No, Almost – Six of Swords rev.

Yes, stop resisting it 😉 Overall, I really sense that you’re on the right track but something is holding you back from believing that it’s the right track. Maybe it’s the fear of the unknown or past traumas, but there is something about the journey that you’re resisting. I can tell you KNOW you’re on the right path but maybe, like group 2, it feels too good to be true so you don’t want to invest. It’s okay to invest!

If yes, what are you doing well? – King of Cups rev. & Queen of Pentacles

You’re doing a really good job being kind to yourself. When you get in the doubtful moods, I think you have a way of bringing yourself back to reality and looking at your situation practically. You’re working your butt off to genuinely take care of yourself and your mind. Something I noticed with the cards is a lot of green, which can relate to the heart chakra. I definitely think you’re working from the heart and treating yourself with the love that you deserve.

What can you expect if you continue? – The Empress & The High Priestess

This is such beautiful energy! Continuing to do this work, picking yourself up when you’re down, giving yourself pep talks, and simply believing in the divine is truly going to build your confidence, self-esteem, and belief in yourself and your intuition. You are really getting to know yourself. You are getting to know your true goals, your true values, and your true motivations.

Possible interference – Ace of Swords

The only real interference I see here is your mind becoming overwhelmed with all of the new possibilities that are going to appear. Your mind may feel cluttered with options which has the possibility of making you feel overloaded. Just take a step back, meditate on the options, and make informed decisions. You’ve shown that you are capable of this, so keep it up.

Final messages – Ace of Coins rev.

Don’t give up! Finding your way is tough when the unknown is hovering over you. You may hit delays in your journey that will make you want to just lay down your swords (pun sort of intended with the ace of swords above lol) and surrender. It is okay to take time to plan and to fully understand what your goals are. It’s also okay if you don’t know what those goals are right now! Your goal can simply be living in the now. Continue to be practical and nurturing and you’ll be a-ok.