quenthel · 2 years ago
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ugh... this is day 5 of my tummy ache and im so fucking tired of it.... i probably have to change my diet AGAIN and be more strict w myself never to eat anything very cheesy or fatty or drink any alcohol... like all the mealplans i looked up for this shit are full of foods i absolutely fucking hate so thats great... thank fuck that there seem to be a lot of individual variety in what you can eat and i dont seem to react badly to spices bc then i would just fucking off myself for real. i think ill just go back to eating only east asian and indian foods and nothing else i guess until i die yippie....
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urcuteharrington · 4 years ago
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hi, I just saw your post asking for some requests. Maybe if you can do a Steve angst but with a little bit of fluff? 💛💛
forgotten?☁️🕊
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summary-steve seemed to have forgotten you when nancy came into the picture
word count-1.8k
warnings-fighting and cursing
a/n-i really hope you guys enjoyed this because it took me so long to write but i appreciate you all and i’m so glad to be back 🤍
masterlist
huge thanks to @angsty-plots for giving me ideas for new angst plots<3
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steve and i were good friends that was until he started dating nancy wheeler. it use to be steve and i doing everything together hanging out at each others houses, long car rides , going to tommy’s parties , and now he forgot all about me. i knew steve had a crush on ever since the beginning... i saw the way he looked at her when she would walk past him , i saw the sparkle in his eyes when he talked about her or whenever she was around. it use to be steve, tommy, carol, and i hanging out at lunch everyday but i was soon replaced when steve asked nancy to go to his house for a hangout with carol and tommy since his parents were out of town. that night he only invited me out of pity and i saw the subtitle flirting between the two and it made me sick. i walked barb that night to the bathroom after she sliced her thumb trying to open a beer can.” i know steve has gauze and bandages somewhere here ill look just keep your hand under the water” i tell her. that night i saw nancy and steve go into his room and i knew what was going to happen and i couldn’t bare being their for it. I said my goodbye to barb wishing her a safe ride home and went on my way. remembering that night i cried my heart out wondering why steve never expressed interest in me.
That was months ago now it’s around october and it was tommy’s halloween bash. i wasn’t going to go but i decided that it was better than sitting at home doing nothing. i knew i was going to see steve their with nancy but i still went even if it was going to hurt seeing my best friend who forgot i even existed. I go dressed up as (whatever you want) and grab my keys getting ready to head off to the party. pulling up to the house i already see drunk teens walking around with their heels in hand or wobbling around. i walk in and head over to the kitchen and try to grab a drink of spiked punch. while pouring i look over and see them... steve and nancy dancing to the beat of the music. a sudden wave of sadness hit and i decided to take a sip of the punch feeling the alcohol run down my throat.
minutes pass and i decided to stay in the kitchen since i felt like it was my best bet to not run into them while on the dance floor. watching the drunken teens flirting and stumbling their words amused on how quickly the punch could get someone drunk.then i saw her , the girl who stole my best friend from me and the boy i loved. nancy walked into the kitchen and grabbed more cups of the spiked punch , one after another i was able to see her get completely shitfaced in the ,mater of only a few minutes. steve came looking for nancy and they got into a fight and i watched intensely. watching as the punch spilled all over her while sweater my mouth opened a jar shocked at how messy everything was getting. watching her and steve storm over to the bathroom. moments later i move to the living room near the front door and suddenly get shouldered by steve who seemed furious and watching jonathan rush to the bathroom. i decided to stay a little longer since the party was still going strong.
a few days later i noticed that steve and nancy were slowly falling out since he wasn’t visiting her at school anymore and her and jonathan seemed to have gotten closer. they seemed to be done and whatever was said in that bathroom must have been bad. i decided to go to steve’s house and check up on him, even if we weren’t friends anymore i didnt want to see him go through something like a breakup alone. knocking on his front door i waited anxiously wondering if i was making the wrong choice. “ hey how can i- oh hi y/n. i didnt uh expect you to be here?” steve says opening the door confused. “ i know steve but i wanted to talk to you” i say as he walks me to his room to talk.” hey i was actually gonna go out and apologize to nancy so if you can come and help me pick something out for her” my heart sank i haven’t talked to him in months and he already brought her up. not a hey how are you or a i miss you nothing its always about her i think to myself. “ oh i actually came to talk to you about something “ “ shoot” he says.” why did you stop talking to me” silence filled the room 1...2...3 minutes passed waiting for him to say something anything” steve you left me for nancy and i dont get what i did for you to sto talking to me. i understand shes your girlfriend but shit i didnt think you’d completely forget about me” i say standing up from his bed looking at him with sadness in my eyes.” i-i thought you didn’t want to hang out with us anymore y/n i didnt notice at first i i’m so sorry” he says guilt in his voice.” i feel like i lost the only person i truly cared about and and you were my friend and now you don’t even look my way steve how could you not notice me not being their... how did you not notice me not their at your basketball games cheering you on or the long car rides we would have just blasting music or going to tommy’s parties and taking turns getting shit faced. tell me steve is it me was i just not who you wanted to be around anymore was she my replacement because i saw it since the beginning” chocking on my words i hold back my tears. i didnt want to cry but eventually it fell and my vision blurred with tears.” y/n i never ment to make you feel that way and i am so sorry i guess i just got so caught up in nancy and i didnt notice you slowly leave and i i just feel terrible “ steve looked at me finally realizing how much he affected me and how much pain he caused me. “steve if you didnt want to be friends anymore you could have just told me you really hurt me” i say to him not daring to look him in the eyes.”i-i” is all he could say” you know what steve a simple hey i dont think we should be friends anymore its not your fault i just think we should go our own ways would have been nice” i say to him walking past him” you know thanks for being my friend for so many years but i cant be friends with someone who doesn’t give two shits about me anymore” i say as i walk out the door and walk back home since it was only a few houses down.steve not moving just in shock realizing that he was the reason why he lost his best friend.
days past and steve found out that nancy liked jonathan and accepted it telling her its okay and like that they broke up. driving around i felt a wave of sadness hit when the song steve and i would listen to while blasting music. tears spill down my face as i drive home. once i make it home i calm myself down and wash up when i suddenly hear the doorbell go off. walking over i open the door seeing the infamous billy hargrove “ hey their doll face i was wondering if you’ve seen my little sister max i know that you tutor some of her friends so i was wondering if you could help me figure out where the byers house is” he says licking his lips seductively “ yeah i could take you their and help you look for your little sister just let me grab my stuff “ i say looking at him.” after getting to the byers house i stay in the car until i see steve walk out confused at why he is their. everything happened so fast punches were thrown and now i’m driving the kids to this random area in hawkins. steve wakes up and sees me driving confused at how he ended up in this situation. getting to the destination steve and i talk while the kids grab everything. in the car they explained everything that happened in thus far with el , will, the upsidown , and etc. “ we broke up” steve says looking at me “ what why are you okay” even if we weren’t close anymore i didnt want him to feel like he had no one. “ she likes jonathan and the night of the party she called our relationship bullshit and i accepted it since i-“ dustin cuts him off by yelling at him how we didnt have enough time.
getting the kids out of the tunnels one by one steve was just about to help me up when he grabbed onto me tightly in a protective matter when the demo dogs ran toward us. watching as they ran past us he told me” i lost you once and i’m not gonna lose you again”getting out of the tunnels i was able to fully process everything that happened and once el closed the gate and steve and i were finally alone he broke the silence “ i love you y/n i never ment to hurt you and i’m sorry.” speechless i sit their “ steve i know you loved nan-“ he cuts me off “ after our first fight i knew she loved jonathan and i guess i couldn’t believe it till she called our relationship bullshit and i love you so much y/n and it was stupid of me to not tell you earlier” “ i love you too steve but what you did hurt me i mean you completely forgot about me” “ i know y/n but could you give me a second chance i’ll make it up to you... could i take you on a date and patch everything up” i really didn’t want to forgive him but i couldn’t just abandon him because i needed him i loved him and he loved me “ i would love that steve “ i say looking at him with love in my eyes and a smile plastered on my face.
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harryskalechips · 4 years ago
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Will we ever be more than friends? Part 3
A/N this is crazy! Here is part 3 that many were asking for! This is a continuation of one the first pieces I wrote on here. Tysm for the support xxx
It’s been four years since Y/N broke her friendship off with Harry. How is she going to react after seeing him at their high school reunion and finding out he’s still in love with her?
Word count 2135
Part 1, Part 2
4 years later...
“Y/N, you made it!” Sarah hugs me as she greets me at the front door. It’s been 4 years since I’ve seen her and truthfully, I wouldn't be here tonight if it wasn’t our little mini high school reunion. I never knew this party was happening well, not until Kacey, my only friend I still talk to from high school reached out and convinced me.
“Your apartment looks lovely!” I smile as she lets me in. I take my jacket off and rest it on one of her hooks as I step further inside.
“Thank you!” Sarah’s eyes light up with excitement as she takes my hand.“ I didn’t invite everyone from our year.,just to let you know! I only invited our friend group.” she rambles while she drags me where most of the people are.
Sarah. I liked her in high school. We had a couple classes together and we did hang out at the mall a couple times but things got awkward when she started dating Harry. After they broke up, she never reached out to me again and that's when I realized she was just using me.
People say high school is the most memorable time of their life but for me, I was traded the wrong deck of cards.
“Y/N!” Kacey stands up from the couch to hug me. I almost fell over from the amount of force she had. “I knew you would come!”
“Well, you did present a good case.” I smirk as Tyler opens a can of smirnoff ice and passes it to me. “Thanks, Ty! You look good.” I pull away from Kacey and hug him. Alice, and Joseph were there too as they greeted me with a hello and sat back down on the couch.
“Okay, we’re missing one more person from our lil friend group.” Sarah pouts and texts someone on her phone. I knew she was talking about Harry but for some reason, I was hoping it was someone else.
“H. Man! Where is that guy?” Joseph takes a handful of chips from the bowl presented in front of us.
“Wait, didn’t you and Harry date?” Alice calls me out as I take a sip from my drink. I just shake my head and lean on Kacey beside me. She knew what happened between us that night but no one else heard a thing.
But it’s simple really, if I were to tell them the story. Harry and I were best friends. I was in love with him and he knew. He continued to string me along for years and that’s when I decided we should stop being friends. I’m not gonna lie though, it was pretty rough to see him during graduation and not even get a picture with him.  
“That’s crazy! Everyone at least had a date with him.” Alice laughs as Joseph puts his arm around her.
“Well, what’s also crazy is that you’re dating me.” Alice kisses him on the cheek. I never expected them to get together. Alice hated him since he was such a class clown. It’s nice to see him more mature and finally dating her though.
“Ah he’s here! I heard he got more cuter!” Sarah puts on a playful face as she hops off the couch to open her door. The rest of our friends cheered for Harry’s entrance while I stayed quiet just looking at Kacey. My heart was beating way too fast and my fingers were gripping my drink a little bit too hard. But as much as I tried to ignore my anxiety, Sarah appeared right in front of us.“Ladies and gentlemen let me announce the heartthrob of our year... Harry Styles!” Alice  and Kacey cheer excitedly as the boys playfully cat whistle. Sarah moves aside, and that’s when my eyes catch his figure.. there he is. He’s finally here.
He’s wearing a simple white button up and black jeans. As he looks up, he has a little smirk on his face as he bows his head to everyone as a playful gesture of appreciation. “Heard everyone’s been looking for me.” He glances at me and looks away. He doesn’t even seem affected that I’m here! He goes around kissing the girls on the cheeks and giving some hugs to the guys. I knew he was purposely ignoring me, since he wanted to greet me last.
“Hey.” He murmurs against my cheek as he leans down to kiss me.
“Hey. Long time no see.” I lean over to give him a hug.
“Are you two seriously going to act like that?” Tyler teases us. “You guys were best friends for 10 years!” Sarah laughs at Tyler’s joke as she comes with pizza in her arms.
“Kace, can you clear the table?” She asks politely as she puts the pizza down. “Wow, I haven’t seen you guys in 4 years. Time passes by so quickly.”
“I know right!” Alice cheers excitedly. “Now, we’re all about to graduate university!”
~
The night went by in a breeze. After dinner, we played some board games and caught up with each other. Now it was only Harry and I left to share what we’ve been up to.
“I’ve been good. I don’t think there’s anything new with me.” Harry casually laughs as he sits across from me beside Tyler.
“Come on man! Look at what you’re wearing! You’re a new guy!” Tyler elbows him which makes Harry look up at me. Fuck, he just caught me staring.
“I’ve been working at my dad’s company that’s all. Trust me nothing new!”
“No new girlfriend?” Sarah teases him. He just shakes his head and takes a sip from his bottle of beer. “What? No, come on you aren’t fooling anyone here!” Sarah tries to pull the truth out of him. It seemed to me she was a little bit too interested in what he had to say which made me just roll my eyes.
“I dated a few girls but no nothing serious.” Tyler cheers him on as he puts his arm around him and smiles.
“See! Too young to settle down!” Kacey just laughs while Joseph shakes his head.
“Tyler, you just haven’t been in love yet!” He tries to reason. “Harry, you probably haven’t been in love too huh?”
“Oh, no I have been.”
“What!” Tyler chokes as Joseph louds out loud. Alice and Sarah are shocked while Kacey and I just smile at their reaction and quietly listen.
“Who was it?” Tyler questions. “Some girl from your uni?”
“No, she went to high school with us.” Harry avoids my eye contact and laughs at Tyler’s curiosity.
“That better not be me, Styles.” Sarah takes another slice of our leftover pizza. Kacey looks at me while I just look down. Why does everything have to be so weird?
“I bet it’s Y/N. Remember how they would cuddle all the time!” Alice speaks out as if she just solved the puzzle. Which she did. Everyone looks at me which makes my little invisible bubble pop.
“No, it’s not me.” I shake my head. I don’t wanna think of it. I don’t want to think of this.
For the rest of the night, the guys try to make Harry tell the truth but he keeps his mouth shut. I tried to have fun despite all the attention on him but, now that our hangout is over, it’s time to go home.
“I’ll see you guys four years from now!” I joke as I put on my jacket.
“Y/N seriously, keep in touch. We miss you.” Alice hugs me.
“I miss you guys too. It’s nice catching up with you guys.” I genuinely reply back. Although I stopped talking to everyone here, I do miss them. It's nostalgic.
“How are you getting home?” Joseph asks me as he puts on his jacket too.
“Just taking an uber, my car’s in the shop.”
“I can ask Josh to drop you off?” Kacey suggests but I rather be on my own than let her fiancé go out of his way for me.
“I can drive you home.” Harry opens the front door.
“No, guys it’s okay.” I try to brush them off but Harry softly grabs my hand as he bids everyone goodbye.
“Okay, Y/N and I are going to go, goodnight guys!” He waves at our friends as he pulls me to his car. I give everyone a confused look and let Harry pull me away.
“Harry, you don’t have to drop me off.” I try to convince him but he doesn’t let my hand go until he opens my door and helps me into his car. I finally give up and put my seatbelt on as he gets into his seat too.
“Where do you live?” He asks as he zooms out of Sarah’s driveway.
“In Richmond.”
“Can you put the address on my GPS?” He turns it on and points it at me. It was weird between us. There’s this big elephant between us but we’re acting like we’re over it. I just nod my head and do it.
As we drive to my place, I just watch the street lights pass by and listen to his music. Harry seemed like something was bothering him since he kept his jaw clenched. “You okay?” I try to ask him.
“Fine. What about you?”
“I’m okay.”
“Look Y/N...I’ve just been thinking and I’m wondering when we get to your place... could we maybe I don’t know...talk?”
“About us?” There was no point of acting oblivious to this. What happened between us years ago still plays in my mind.  
“Yeah.” He stutters as he looks at me.
~
“Lovely townhouse you got here.” He walks in with me as I open my door.
“Thanks, I got a few roommates but they’re probably in bed. Um, You can sit in the living room.” I gesture him to the room as I take my jacket off. “Would you like some tea?”
“No, thanks.” He sits down while I sit next to him.
“Okay, let’s talk. What’s up?” “How have you been?”
“Good, what about you?”
“Thanks. I’ve been doing well too. Are you um...seeing anyone?” He asks out of the blue. “It’s just everyone spoke up about their love lives and you didn’t really say anything.” I awkwardly laugh at his question. I mean I’m not surprised he asked out of the blue. We used to be so close.  
“No, I broke up with my boyfriend a couple months ago.”
“Long term?” “Yeah, we dated for 2 years.”
“Oh, I’m sorry to hear about that.” He just shakes his head while I laugh at his awkwardness.
“Harry, it’s fine. It’s nice to see you through and catch up.”
“Y/N I have- I have to tell you something.”
“Okay.” I try to brace myself. I may have known him for years but I have no idea what he’s going to say.
“I miss you.”
“Harry.”
“Please, Y/N. Just give me another chance.” He turns towards me. “I’ve been trying to talk to you after our fight but you just completely cut me off.”
“You used me!” I exclaim.
“You don’t understand. I didn’t want to lose you!” He rubs his face in stress. “And I did. I did lose you!”
“Why do you even still want me? It’s been four years Harry maybe, it’s better if we just let the past go.” I stand up and try to walk away but Harry grabs my hands and keeps me in between his legs.
“You don’t mean that, Y/N.” his sad eyes look at me. “I miss you. Didn’t you miss me too?” he whispers as he tries to shake my hands. He was desperate for me to say the words he missed coming from my mouth. “Of course I did!”
“I don’t care if you don’t love me anymore or if you don’t want to be best friends. I just need you in my life again.”
“I’m scared to be you again.”
“I love you.” He leans down and rests his head on my stomach as he tries to pull me in closer. My hands fall into his hair and play with the curly strands just like I used to high school. “I was stupid and immature in high school but I’m ready to be the man you deserve. I just want you with me again.” “I love you Harry.” I pull his face up and lean down to kiss him. His hands urgently grasps my face as he helps me straddle him on the couch.
“I always knew we were going to be more than friends, baby.” He whispers to me as he pulls away and smiles at me.
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pronouncingitwang · 4 years ago
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post-S3 to S4 wtgfs | 4.1K words | intended for @tmagirlsweek but I got busy
1.
On a bad arthritis day a few years ago, after Georgie had failed one too many times to open a beer can at her kitchen counter, Melanie had winced, reached down under her skirt, and handed Georgie a sizable penknife. “I’ve never really been a fan of pepper spray,” she’d said before Georgie could ask, looking almost shy about it, and, “Yes, I keep it there all the time. Don’t tell Andy, he’ll freak.” And so Georgie learned that 1. getting a knife’s point under a metal tab and then bracing your forearm against the handle takes a lot of pressure off your thumb, and 2. seeing your friend of a few months (who has apparently been hiding a knife under her clothes this whole time) laughing as a metal tab hits her in the face is something that might make you think about kissing her. Apparently, seeing your friend-with-occasional-benefits of a few years sitting in your ex’s hospital room with a Polaroid camera around her neck can do the same thing, even if it also gives you a lump in your throat.
Georgie’s known for the last month that her visiting hours would have to overlap with Melanie’s eventually, but knowing and seeing are not the same thing. When you know something, you can practice various appropriately neutral “Hi, Melanie”s in your mirror. When you see something, all your planning goes out the window, and you blurt out instead, “Is that a knife strapped to your thigh, or are you happy to see me?”
Melanie doesn’t laugh at the joke, which makes sense. Her eyes are red-rimmed, and Georgie can see the moment the surprise in them hardens into something else. When she speaks, her voice sounds rough, like each syllable is being dragged across a whetstone on its way up her throat. “Knife. Obviously.”
Georgie tells herself not to react, to focus on Melanie’s words instead of her tone. Not being happy to see someone in Melanie’s set of circumstances is understandable, and Melanie’s not wrong about the “obviously”—her long skirt is wrapped twice around her legs, so tight that it must be restricting movement, and the outline of a blade is more than clear against the thin fabric. The Melanie Georgie is used to wouldn’t have displayed a weapon so boldly; but then, the Melanie Georgie is used to also wouldn’t have left her a voicemail about how Sarah Baldwin and being trapped in The Magnus Institute was “all your fault!” followed by a one-word apology text, followed by two months of ghosting, so perhaps Georgie needs to amend her expectations.
“Hi, Melanie,” Georgie says, practice finally deciding to kick in. “Are you… are you alright?”
“What, that bad?” Melanie replies. Her hair is longer than Georgie remembers, dark roots now grown out to the same length as the red-dyed strands on the bottom. Georgie thinks she would like to braid it someday.
Georgie shrugs. “A bit.”
“You don’t look too good either,” Melanie says, but she gets up to offer Georgie her seat anyway. Georgie takes it silently, propping her cane against the wall. This, at least, has not changed between the two of them.
“I’ll be here for half an hour,” Georgie says, offering… parameters? warning? escape?
Something like panic crosses Melanie’s eyes, but she crosses her arms. “Me too.”
“I can ask for another chair?” No matter how quickly Melanie claims her gunshot wound had healed, standing on it for too long can’t be comfortable.
“Don’t need one.” A pause. “And stop looking at me.”
A few minutes pass, during which the only sound is of Melanie bouncing her leg. Then, her breathing, getting louder and faster. When Georgie looks up, Melanie has her face in her hands.
“Are you o—”
“You know what,” Melanie gasps, “I’ve changed my mind about the half hour.”
“I can leave, if you’d rather—”
“No,” Melanie says, shaking her head. “No, I need to go.”
“Do you need—I can squeeze you, or—”
“No, no, no, just—Don’t touch me,” Melanie growls, and then she’s out of the door and gone.
For the next half hour, Georgie eats a sandwich, reads aloud from John Keats: The Complete Poems because it’d annoy Jon if he were alive, and tries very hard not to cry.
Another half hour later, Georgie’s phone dings. The text reads, simply, “see you.”
For the first time that day, Georgie smiles.
-
2.
Georgie comes back to the hospital at the same time next week, and yes, Melanie is there. This time, there are two chairs, sat about a foot away from each other. Georgie chooses not to comment on it, but she thinks Melanie can tell she’s biting down a smile.
They make it through the pleasantries this time without too much tension. Melanie asks about the podcast, and Georgie can at least talk about that for a few minutes. She remembers they used to have conversations for hours at a time, during drinks or pillow talk or game nights with friends, but now she has no idea what they talked about. Besides work, that is—Melanie could go on for hours about the newest Ghost Hunt UK project—but that’s obviously not a safe topic anymore. They talked about TV shows maybe, or mundane day-to-day shit about their lives. It was easier before. Now, if Georgie wants to tell Melanie about what her neighbor’s daughter said yesterday, she first has to tell Melanie about her new neighbor and their dog and the other times their daughter came over to play with The Admiral, and that’s too many sentences to trail off on, especially if Melanie might not have a story to trade for hers.
They’ve gone silent long enough that Georgie is contemplating getting her book out when Melanie says, “I’ve still got that cane you let me borrow after India, if you want it back.”
There are several possibilities for what that means. One, Melanie is offering the two of them an opportunity to escape this room with its stale air and too-bright lights and engage in anything from a fight to a hookup to a hangout. Two, Melanie is trying to cut off any remaining ties or obligations to Georgie. Three, the silence was just way too awkward and this is the first thing Melanie thought of.
Georgie picks her next words carefully. “You can keep it, it’s no problem. I thought the floral decals suited you.”
Melanie makes the face she makes when she’s trying to figure out if something is a joke or not. “I suppose it really brought out the red in my eyes.”
Georgie can’t help the surge of laughter that bubbles out of her. “Sure. And… also because it’s pretty.”
They’ve done the flirty banter before, as foreplay to actual foreplay or just for fun. Georgie still has at least ten minutes of cut What the Ghost? audio where they went back and forth on “you’re so hot, you __” pick-up lines before remembering they were supposed to be talking about the Plague. In the past, Melanie returned fire with twice Georgie’s cheesiness.
This Melanie scowls. “if you don’t want it—”
“Is the cane at your flat?”
“Should be.”
“Then, sure.”
 Melanie hails them a cab outside the hospital. Georgie doesn’t quite recognize the streets it’s going down, and then she realizes that of course, after Andy left, Melanie would need to downsize.
“Good news,” Melanie says when they arrive at the building, “it’s, uh- I think it’s on the first floor.”
“You think? Don’t you live here?”
Melanie shrugs. “Technically.”
Georgie begins to understand when Melanie opens the door. Melanie’s old place wasn’t Instagram-perfect by any means, but it felt like her—deliberately nonsensical “motivational” posters, an upside-down “福” character on the living room wall, a coat hanger shaped like a tree by the entrance with a different chewable necklace dangling from each branch. Here, the walls are bare and the floor is covered in boxes. No bed, which puts one of Georgie’s theories for this outing to rest, and the space is too small for a mattress to be hiding anywhere other than a box. There’s a couch; the TV from Melanie’s old place sitting unplugged at an awkward angle on the ground; an empty bookshelf, and leaning against said bookshelf, a cane with a moderately worn tip and various rose stickers winding around the shaft. Melanie hands it over to Georgie, who takes it silently.
“So in case you haven’t guessed, I’ve been sleeping in the Archives.”
Georgie hasn’t guessed. The Magnus Institute isn’t something she allows herself to think about most days. But there is something very familiar in the sunkenness of Melanie’s cheeks right now, the grim set of her jaw, the way she scans every room she enters for hidden danger.
“And before you tell me that place is bad news, I know. Obviously.”
“Then why…?”
“I talked about it so you wouldn’t have to. Don’t make me kick you out.”
Georgie had almost made the same threat to Jon once, when he was staying with her. Jon—Jon who she cut off for reading statements and not taking care of himself and staying with his job. Georgie has a dreadful suspicion that if she examined Melanie and Jon against her so-called principles, the only substantial difference between their situations would be that she is in love with one of them and not the other. Luckily, Georgie is good at compartmentalizing.
“I understand,” Georgie says. “Do you need help with your bookshelf?”
 Later, after Melanie’s whipped out her thigh knife to cut open every box, and after Georgie’s directed her on organizing the books by size, the two of them settle on the couch. Georgie opens an old season of Bake Off on her tablet. They’d watched a few episodes together before, but since Georgie finds captions distracting and Melanie has a tendency to talk over everything, they’d both decided that watching separately and calling afterwards made more sense.
Today, Melanie is silent. As soon as the episode ends, she gets up and announces, “I’m going back to work.”
Georgie doesn’t protest, not yet. It’s too early to be sure it won’t push Melanie away. She opts instead for, “Take care of yourself.”
“I can’t make any promises,” Melanie says, and then contradicts herself immediately by saying, “See you.”
(When Georgie leaves, she leaves the rose cane.) 
-
3.
Georgie leans back in the bathtub, careful to keep her braids out of the water, and lets the warmth soak into her joints. It’s a ritual she usually performs in the morning on days that requires more physical activity than she’s used to. As for why she’s trying to increase her range of motion and discomfort tolerance on this particular day… Georgie takes an ibuprofen and elects not to think about it.
On the way to the hospital, Georgie also elects not to think about the word “hypocrite.” This is made easier by the fact that she never actually enters Jon’s room. Melanie is waiting in the doorway, looking wired in a way that makes Georgie’s heart beat faster.
“You left your extra cane at my place again,” she says, but it sounds more like a question than a factual statement.
“I suppose we’ll have to go back and get it,” Georgie answers. “If you’d like to, that is?”
Melanie sneaks a look at Georgie’s face, nods, and grabs her arm. “Let’s get out of here.”
Georgie is well aware that this is the first time they’ve touched since April. Melanie isn’t an enormously tactile person, but she used to hug people hello and goodbye. Georgie misses inhaling the scent of citrus shampoo every time Melanie ran into her, but this is a good replacement.
The two of them are silent until they reach Melanie’s flat, which Melanie’s clearly cleaned. The floor looks fresh-swept; there’s less dust everywhere; and most importantly, the mattress has been unpacked. It sits on the ground in front of them, topped with several pillows and blankets.
Melanie sits Georgie down on the couch, still gripping her by the (by now, asleep) arm, and blurts out, “I bought condoms.”
Georgie is prepared for this, wants this, but still—”Are you sure you’re in a good emotional place to—”
Melanie rolls her eyes and says, speeding through the words like she’s written them out beforehand, “Whatever you think’s happening to me, I promise you it has no interest in my sex life. If you don’t want to, fine. I have Candy Crush on my phone. There are books, you can”—Melanie affects a bad American accent and leans back—”read to me like one of your dead ex-boyfriends. You can leave, if you feel uncomfortable around me right now. Those are your decisions. But this is mine.”
“Will you still talk to me after this?”
Melanie considers, chewing on her lip. “This… won’t affect whether or not I still talk to you.”
“Are you trying to hurt yourself with this?”
“Unless you’re planning to hurt me—”
“I wouldn’t—”
“And unless you’ve forgotten what makes me feel good in the last year, then no, I’m not trying to ‘hurt myself.’ I’d say I’m doing the opposite, actually.”
Georgie knows her next question should be “Are you going to leave the Institute?”, but she also knows that the question will make Melanie pull away and the answer will force Georgie to reconsider. Georgie doesn’t want to reconsider.
“Okay.”
Melanie’s lips are as soft as Georgie remembers, a reminder that she is still here and solid and Georgie’s as long as Georgie’s touching her, holding her, loving her. Melanie deepens the kiss. We’re safe here, Georgie thinks emphatically as she presses forward, like she’ll suddenly be able to develop telepathy if she gets close enough. You’re okay. I’m okay.
Melanie pulls away for breath far too soon. “Sorry. Stuffy nose.”
Georgie laughs. “If you say so.”
“What, don’t believe me?”
“I just thought it was more likely that I took your breath away.”
The pun takes a second to register before Melanie groans and nips at Georgie’s lip. “You’re awful.”
“What a biting retort.”
“Nope!” Melanie kisses Georgie, hard. “It is not safe for you to be making terrible puns to a woman with a knife.”
It takes Georgie a little longer to catch enough breath to respond to that one. “Luckily, I’ve only made good puns today.”
“Jesus,” Melanie says, burying her face in Georgie’s shoulder, and there’s the citrus shampoo, and it’s like nothing has changed, like this is just another hookup between friends after a night out, and maybe Georgie will ask Melanie out next week or maybe she won’t depending on how busy she is, but it doesn’t matter too much because she’s at no risk of losing her soon anyway.
And then Melanie pulls back, and there’s a small cut above her eyebrow that wasn’t there in April. Georgie’s breath catches with the newness of it all. It is October again, and it is suddenly imperative that Melanie knows. “I’ve missed you. All these months. I thought about you all the time.”
Melanie is silent for a while. Then, she leans a few centimeters forward and presses a kiss to Georgie’s nose, so careful it makes Georgie want to cry. “I… don’t know if I can miss anyone anymore. But I”—she sighs—”I have… thought about you.”
“I’ll take it,” Georgie says because she will take it, she’ll take any proof that whatever is between them still has soil to grow in. And then Melanie moves her lips to Georgie’s neck and asks, “Do you want to move to the bed?”, and everything they say and think from then on is far harder to transcribe.
-
4. 
Georgie looks at her phone again, where several texts to Melanie over the last week remain unread. Nothing important, just pictures of The Admiral and a Tweet she found funny. It probably doesn’t mean anything, but Georgie has so few ways to find clues about Melanie’s mental state that these things end up mattering more than they should.
When Georgie steps out of the elevator still looking at her phone, she’s stopped by a woman wearing a hijab with her arm in a splint.
“Georgie, right?” she asks. “I’m Basira. Melanie sent me.”
“Yes, that’s me,” Georgie says. “Where’s Melanie?”
The thing about no longer being able to feel fear is that it leaves behind a hole. Sometimes, in its place, Georgie feels a neighboring emotion—disgust, surprise, anger. Sometimes, she just feels nothing.
Basira speaks, and Georgie’s fingers turn numb.
“We—the Magnus Institute—we were attacked a few days ago.”
“Is Melanie okay?” Georgie’s voice sounds distant to her own ears.
“Oh!” Basira says. “Yeah, sorry, didn’t mean to worry you. She’s fine, not too injured. She’s actually the one who saved us all.”
Although Georgie’s lost her fear, she hasn’t lost the ability to feel relief. The feeling comes rushing into her, warming her skin and slowing her breaths.
“Oh, thank god.”
But Basira isn’t finished yet. “She told me to tell you that you shouldn’t expect to see her back here again.”
“What?” Melanie had said that what happened last week wouldn’t affect whether or not she talked to Georgie afterwards, and Georgie trusts her. Whatever this is is far worse than post-sex awkwardness. “Why?”
“Basically, leaving the Institute… it’s not safe anymore. I shouldn’t even be here, but I owe Melanie a favor. We need her protection.”
Georgie plays the words back to herself, once, then twice. “That’s it?”
“What do you mean?”
“You break your arm once and now Melanie has to live out the rest of her life as a guard dog?”
“Everyone’s in danger, including her.”
“But you’re giving her the task of defending against whatever tried to hurt you.”
Basira sighs. “You don’t get it. You didn’t see her attack The Flesh.”
“Sure.”
“It was like… She was laughing. The whole time. The ‘not being able to quit’ mess is a different issue, but the anger and violence? I think she likes it.”
There’s the numbness again, and with it, a heaviness on Georgie’s chest. “I don’t believe you.”
Basira sighs again. “Listen, I don’t really know what the situation between the two of you was, but I think you need to let it go. Either way, I need to get back to work.”
Basira presses the down button on the elevator. The door doesn’t automatically slide open, so she stands there and waits for the elevator to reach their floor. Georgie is suddenly very aware that if she stays here, she might break something.
“I have to go, too,” she says, and heads to the stairwell where no one can see her scream into her hands.
-
5. 
“Melanie?” Georgie says into the phone, hoping against hope that this is a good sign.
There is silence from the other end of the line, and Georgie waits, teetering between shocked and curious and angry and numbnumbnumb. Then, slow and rasping:
“Georgie. It’s… agh! sorry—it’s… good to… hear from you.”
“It’s good to hear from you too, but it’s been five months, Melanie, what are you even—”
“I… know, I'm… sorry… but I need… you to get me…” 
Georgie arrives at the location Melanie’s sent her within minutes and stops dead. Melanie’s slumped on the ground, face tear-soaked and twisted in pain. In one hand, she holding her knife, which she drops once she registers that the sounds she’s hearing are Georgie approaching. In the other, she clutches her right leg. There’s a giant piece of fabric cut out of her trousers. The rest of said trousers are soaked in blood.
Once, Georgie and Melanie had challenged each other to a gore-athon—one night of the bloodiest horror movies they could dig up; whoever reacted audibly or covered their eyes first had to buy the other dinner. Georgie thought the no-fear would give her an advantage; Melanie later told Georgie that she was entirely banking on exploiting the rules (no one said she couldn’t cover her mouth so her reactions would be too muffled to be audible). Georgie doesn’t remember who lost, but she remembers that the injera at the Ethiopian place they went to afterwards was divine. That, and that they didn’t even make it through the first film. Turns out, disgust is disgust regardless of the presence of fear, and it’s very hard to muffle full-throat yells even with your fist in your mouth. 
Melanie’s not screaming this time, and Georgie’s not disgusted, just very, very still.
“Fuck,” Georgie says. “How long have you been—”
Melanie’s words leave her mouth between gritted teeth. “Not… sure. Hour, maybe? Wasn’t really in a state… to count.”
“And you ran all the way from the Institute before—?”
Melanie nods.
“Fuck.”
Melanie makes a grabby motion with her free hand. “Did you bring…?”
Melanie had asked on the phone if Urban Survival had sent Georgie any first aid kits as part of their What the Ghost? sponsorship. Georgie had said yes, they did, and tried not to stamp down any inappropriate joy over the fact that Melanie knows Urban Survival is a sponsor when the only time she’d read an advert for them was the newest episode this week.
“I didn’t bring the first aid kit.”
Melanie frowns. “Why?”
“Promise me you won’t run?”
Melanie raises her eyebrows and looks meaningfully at her leg.
“I’ve already called an ambulance here.”
“What?”
Melanie looks like she’s gearing herself up for a long argument, but frankly, the optics of Georgie standing over a bleeding woman in an alley aren’t great and adding shouting to the mix is a terrible move. Speaking of—
“Respond to that later. Right now, can I put your knife away?”
“Why?”
“I’ll give it back, I just—I gave them my description, but I still don’t want the paramedics to think I’m the one who attacked you.”
Melanie shrugs and stares at the ground. Georgie bends down (which, ouch) to pick it up, sheathes it, and, after some consideration, drops it in her coat pocket.
“Good now,” she tells Melanie.
“I’m… not going… to hospital.”
As if on cue, Georgie hears the faint sound of sirens. “You can argue with me once we’re on the way.”
“I don’t… want…”
“I checked The Magnus Institute’s health insurance policy, so you should be fine.”
“That’s… not…”
“Melanie, listen. Bandages aren’t gonna cut it, and even though I do have a needle and thread at home, neither of us have hands that listen to us. We can’t stitch this up ourselves.”
The sirens get louder. “Then—”
Georgie notes, briefly, that she is shaking, which is a fairly unusual stress response for herself. “A&E will take care of it. And after that, you tell me what the hell happened because ’Jon and Basira’ isn’t a good enough explanation.” 
“I’m… not… going,” Melanie says again.
“Well I am, and I’m also not leaving you, so, tough.” Melanie grimaces, and Georgie softens her tone. “Melanie, do you trust me?”
Melanie scowls, then nods.
“The doctors won’t hurt you. I’ll stay with you the whole time.”
Melanie holds out for a long time, then sighs. “Fine. Don’t… really think I have the… strength right now… to fight off a paramedic.”
“Then it’s a good thing that you don’t have to fight anymore.”
Melanie frowns at that, shaking her head. “I… don’t know… if that’s true.”
There’s a story there, Georgie can tell, an important one, one that Melanie won’t like telling and one that Georgie won’t like listening to.
Georgie presses a kiss to her own fingers, then brushes those fingers against the top of Melanie’s head. “Okay. We’ll work on it. For now, hospital.”
-
6.
A coda, of sorts:
Melanie tells Georgie about choosing to keep the ghost bullet months later, after therapy and an awl in each eye and a truckload of anesthetic wearing off, and Georgie eats the rest of their dinner thinking about blame and the pitfalls of black-and-white morality. That night in bed, Georgie tells Melanie about why she needed to take a year off uni, and Melanie holds her through it, rubbing the back of Georgie’s neck with her thumb and vowing to stab all future trauma-causing medical corpses. Later, Melanie sinks down onto Georgie, slow and careful, as Georgie gasps into the sticky darkness of their room. In the morning, they say hi to Georgie’s neighbor and their daughter and feed The Admiral. Melanie puts textured stickers on her white cane (which may or may not have a concealed blade compartment, courtesy of one of Georgie’s friends) and talks about getting into podcasting, and Georgie orders takeout and makes a list of name suggestions for the guide dog they’re saving up for. In the afternoon, Georgie takes Melanie to her one-week enucleation follow-up appointment and Melanie says, so very casually, “bye, love you” as she walks into the doctor’s office. There’s more to come later, but for now, Georgie smiles at everyone in the waiting room and the world keeps spinning.
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jade4813 · 5 years ago
Text
Sparks Fly, Chapter 4
Title: Sparks Fly
Rating: NC-17
Synopsis: Everybody knows sparks fly whenever Barry Allen and Iris West are together. Their mutual animosity is legendary. But when Iris returns to Central City to investigate recent sightings of a mysterious red streak, she discovers a hero she just can’t resist…and Barry struggles to hide the unrequited feelings he can’t deny.
Chapters: 4/?
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Barry was about to press Iris for more information when the sound of police cars racing by on the street below caught his attention. Apparently noticing his distraction, Iris smiled. “Time to go be a hero, huh, Flash?” she asked softly.
Surprisingly, he didn’t want to leave. If someone had told him earlier that day that he’d actually enjoy an evening in Iris’s company without the two of them devolving into an argument – or at least the occasional passive-aggressive jibe – he would never have believed it. But now he’d not only been enjoying her company, he’d kissed her.
He’d kissed her. More, he was tempted to duck his head and kiss her again. It was a temptation he thought he’d left behind him years ago.
“But what about the man in yellow?” he asked dubiously, looking for an excuse to stay.
Iris put her hand over the lightning logo on his chest. “I must have been mistaken,” she allowed. “Go. Be a hero. But…can we finish our interview when you’re done saving the world?”
Almost without realizing it, he ducked his head until his mouth was only inches from hers. Catching himself in time, he smiled. “It’s a promise,” he murmured before racing off in pursuit of the fading police car sirens. Feeling like he left a piece of himself on the rooftop with her. Wondering how that could be, after so many years.
“Mr. Albert? I hope I didn’t catch you at a bad time,” Iris said cheerfully into the phone. “My name is Iris West. I’m a reporter for CCPN. In Central City? I wondered if I could have a moment of your time.”
The voice on the other end of the line sounded cautiously welcoming as he replied, “Of course, Miss West. How can I help you? You understand I don’t work for CCPD anymore?”
“Oh, I understand. I was hoping you might be able to help me anyway. You see, I’m investigating the incidents of supposed metahuman activity throughout the city. I understand you were the acting CSI at the department for a few months. I was hoping you might be able to give me a little more information.”
Julian Albert grunted on the other end of the line. “Ah. That.”
“Is there a problem?”
“I’m afraid I can’t help you. I investigated some reported incidents when I was with CCPD, but we didn’t really get anywhere. If you want my opinion, I think it’s all a sham. But if you want to know more, I really think you should talk to Barry Allen. He’s the regular CSI with the department. I was filing in while he was on leave. He might be able to tell you more.”
Iris stifled a sigh. It seemed every road led her to Barry. Did the universe hate her that much? “I’ll take your suggestion under advisement. Thank you for your time.”
A few hours later, Iris tried to put thoughts of Barry out of her mind as she walked into the bar and looked around for her friends. When she caught sight of Linda and Caitlin at one of the tables, she waved and headed over.
“Wow. This place certainly brings back memories,” she said cheerfully as she gave them each a hug. “I can’t believe our old hangout hasn’t changed at all.”
“Well, that’s not true,” Linda pointed out. “I think some of the stools are refinished. And they had to replace a couple of the wooden tables in the back after some Delta Phi brothers had a few too many beers and got into a fight a few years ago. But other than that, yeah. It’s probably exactly the same.”
“I’m not even sure they’ve washed the floor,” Caitlin added, her nose wrinkling as she glanced down. “I don’t even want to know what I’m stepping in right now.”
“Good memories, Caity dear. Good memories,” Linda teased.
“Who’s ready for some drinks?” Iris turned to see Kara, her fellow reporter and newest friend approach, her hands filled with mugs of beer. “I wasn’t sure what everyone wanted. I’ve got some shots coming in a bit.” Once she’d passed out the drinks, she gave Iris a quick hug.
“Shots?” Caitlin sounded nonplussed. She’d never been very good at holding her liquor.
Linda grinned and reassured her, “It isn’t a party without shots, and Iris deserves a proper welcome home. Don’t worry. I’ll drink yours.”
“All right, but who’s drinking the fifth beer?” Iris asked, grabbing a mug and taking a large sip. “Someone expecting a hot date? Who’s holding out on me?”
“Ah…about that.” Caitlin threw her a sheepish look. “I – um – I invited Barry. I hope you don’t mind.” Before Iris could reply, she rushed to explain, “It’s just, I know you weren’t that close in college, but we’re older now. And you have known each other for years. I thought he might want to welcome you back to town. Properly, I mean.”
Iris arched her eyebrows. “I doubt it,” she muttered. But seeing Caitlin’s stricken look, she shrugged. “It’s okay, Caitlin. I don’t mind. It’s not like I expect him to show up anyway. We may be older, but some things don’t change.”
“Then you probably shouldn’t look behind you, because he just walked in,” Linda murmured under her breath.
Iris’s long ponytail whipped in an arc as she spun around to glance at the door. As their eyes met, her heart jumped. Just as it had on a similar evening, so many years before.
“So, Iris. Ever track down that mystery man of yours?” Linda asked once she finished her shot, followed with a gulp of beer.
Iris shrugged. “No. If I didn’t know any better, I’d think I made him up.” With a scowl, she explained, “I went to Phi Delta Epsilon house. Nobody there has ever heard of him.” Not wanting to dwell on her own disappointment, she added lightly, “Speaking of people who might not exist…I thought your friend Barry was coming tonight? He can’t possibly be standing us up for the third time in a row. I’m beginning to think he’s a ghost.”
Caitlin took her shot and pulled a face. “God, that’s revolting,” she muttered under her breath, gulping her own cheap beer to try to wash away the taste. That done, she replied, “I’m sorry. I’m sure he doesn’t mean to be rude. He just tends to get wrapped up in things. He loses track of time. You’ll get to meet him eventually.”
“Can’t wait,” Iris replied dryly, thinking – and not for the first time – that Barry sounded more like a big jerk than a bit of a flake. “He sounds like a great guy.” At Caitlin’s unhappy grimace, she felt a stab of guilt and softened her tone, remembering her friend’s crush on the jerk in question. “So, um, how’d the two of you meet, anyway?”
Caitlin blushed, her eyes shining. “Oh, it’s kind of a funny story, actually. I had just moved on campus. I didn’t know anyone, and I was feeling a little lonely. I thought I’d go down to the bookstore and get my textbooks. Get started on my schoolwork a little early.”
Linda shook her head. “Only you would think studying would be the best way to meet friends. Not going to a party or something,” she teased, not unkindly.
Caitlin rolled her eyes at her. “Anyway, I was at the bookstore and…I don’t know what happened, really. I had seen this guy on campus a couple of times when I was moving in. Not Barry. Someone older. I thought he might be a professor or something. I was having trouble finding my books, but I thought I saw him in the bookstore. I turned to ask him if he could help me figure out where to find my books, and I somehow knocked over a huge pile of books. Barry was standing on the other side. I almost killed him!”
“That is a funny story,” Iris offered, her voice flat, though she tried to force a smile.
Her friend shrugged. “I guess it doesn’t sound that interesting now. It was just weird at the time. I didn’t think I was standing that close to the stack of books. I guess I must have hit it with my purse or something. Anyway, after nearly subjecting Barry to Death by Textbook, I offered to buy him a cup of coffee in apology. It was the least I could do. He was my first real friend in Central City.” Her story ended, Caitlin took another sip of beer. “Anyway, enough about him. Iris, you should know that there’s a cute guy at the bar who’s been checking you out ever since we walked in.”
“Really?” Iris asked, foolishly hoping for a second that he might be the man she sought. “What’s he look like?”
“Blond hair. Blue eyes. Got that All American Boy kind of charm about him. Very hot.” Blushing, she added with an embarrassed smile, “Anthropologically speaking.”
Linda let out a bark of laughter, hiding it behind her mug of beer, while Iris shot a glance over her shoulder. The man at the bar was every bit as hot as Caitlin had indicated. He just wasn’t the one she had hoped to see.
“You going to go over there?” Linda asked lifting her eyebrows suggestively.
“Maybe in a minute,” she agreed, trying to hide her disappointment. “When I finish my beer.” At her friends’ confused expressions, she explained, “I’ll get the next round and strike up some conversation while I wait.”
Just then, Caitlin jumped suddenly to her feet. “Barry!” Caitlin cried, waving her hand frantically towards the door.
Iris spun on her chair, curious to see the jerk who had inexplicably caught her friend’s eye. That’s when she saw him. The guy from the party. Unthinkingly, she rose to her feet as well, her gaze locked on his. “Barry’s here? Where?” Even as she asked the question, she sent up a silent prayer that Caitlin was referring to anyone but him.
Her prayer went unanswered as Caitlin explained, “Yeah, he just walked in! Blue jeans. Black sweater. He’s headed this way.”
Iris’s disappointment was crushing, and she tore her gaze away, returning her attention to her beer. It couldn’t be. The guy she’d met at the party, the guy she’d been seeking ever since…he was the flake her friend couldn’t stop talking about? He was Caitlin’s hopeless crush? It couldn’t be. Of all the rotten luck.
If she’d only known, she would have concocted some sort of plan. She would have known how to act when they finally met again. She didn’t want to let on that he was the guy she’d been looking for, not at the risk of hurting one of the best friends. Especially since he hadn’t exactly made a great impression since. She’d had her hopes so high, and it turned out he was probably just a big jerk.
She could feel Barry’s gaze on her as he approached the table. “I can’t believe it,” she heard him murmur, and the sound of his voice shot a shiver down her spine. “I’ve been –”
Desperate to keep him from inadvertently spilling the beans, Iris did the first thing that came to mind. She spun on her chair and threw him a polite smile, pretending that he was a perfect stranger. “You must be the notorious Barry Allen. I’ve heard a lot about you.”
She saw his hesitation at her apparent lack of recognition, but then he smiled. He looked at her like he’d been waiting his whole life to find her, his gaze warm. His eyes were beautiful – hazel, with flecks of gold – and she caught her breath. He held out his hand to shake hers, and she gasped when she felt the spark of static electricity between them. His hand was warm in hers, making her long to pull him closer. “So you’re Iris. You know, I’ve been looking –”
Realizing she hadn’t put him off by pretending not to recognize him, Iris decided she was going to have to go on the offensive to keep him from saying more. Jerking her hand from his, she continued, cutting him off, “But I was beginning to think you didn’t exist. Caitlin says you’re just a little flaky, but I figure you’re probably just a jerk. So which is it?”
Iris heard Caitlin gasp. Behind her, Linda muttered, “That’s going in a little hard, isn’t it?”
Barry looked taken aback. “Oh. Um. I-I’m…” he stammered, shooting his friend a confused look. “Uh..C-Caitlin, I’m sorry I’m late. I got caught up in something.”
“Fancy that,” Iris muttered, taking a sip of her beer. She was conflicted. When she remembered the guy she’d danced with that night, she felt guilty for being so rude. She wanted to grab him and pick up where they’d left off. But when she remembered that he was the guy who had blown them off twice before, who was the man her friend inexplicably loved, the guy who kept breaking her heart time and time again…well, then she wondered if she hadn’t had a near escape.
Part of her wanted to grab him and kiss him, to see if reality lived up with the fantasies she’d been entertaining since their first meeting. The other part of her wanted to scream at him for not being who she wanted him to be. Worse, for being the last person she would have wanted him to be.
She couldn’t hurt her friend by confessing the truth. Especially since it turned out that the man she’d imagined him to be might have only existed in her imagination. It wasn’t worth it.
“It’s okay, Barry! I understand!” Caitlin blurted, before Iris could say anything else. “I was hoping you were late because you were with your mystery girl.” At her words, Iris froze. He couldn’t have been looking for her just as hard as she’d been looking for him? How dreadful that would be. What horrible timing.
Doing her part to shift the conversation away from Iris’s rudeness – and unaware she was twisting the knife – Linda asked, “Who is she, by the way? What’s her name?” To Iris, she explained, “Barry here met a girl that he said he knows he’s going to marry one day. He’s been pretty smitten ever since, but he won’t tell us a thing about her.”
Iris stared at her beer, hoping desperately he wouldn’t say her name. Beyond reason, hoping just as desperately that he would.
Barry cleared his throat and stammered awkwardly, “O-oh. Well, it’s n-not some big secret or anything. I’m just – I wanted to be sure. I didn’t want to scare her off or – or anything.”
“So what’s her name? How’d you meet?” Caitlin pressed. “Come on. You haven’t told us a thing about her.”
“Oh. Um. Patty. Patty Spivot.” At his answer, Iris’s breath left her in a whoosh. So she wasn’t the girl he’d been looking for, after all. Apparently, whatever they’d shared that night, she’d been the only one who felt it. She told herself she was relieved, even as she blinked away a sudden urge to cry.
Ignorant of her inner turmoil, Barry continued, “We, um, we met at the, um, the library. We aren’t officially dating yet. I mean, I haven’t asked her out or anything. I haven’t even gotten to know her that well, yet, really. What if we get to talking and she isn’t the girl I thought she was? What if she turns out to be a huge disappointment?”
Iris caught her breath and looked up, her eyes meeting his. He was staring directly at her, and Iris felt herself flush. Downing the rest of her beer, she jumped to her feet. “Well, I’m going to leave you guys to catch up. I think I’m late for my date with the hottie at the bar. I promised to flirt with him this evening, and there’s no point in keeping him waiting forever.”
“Really? Are you sure? Maybe you flirted with him and just forgot,” Barry offered mildly.
“Barry!” Caitlin hissed, her voice scandalized. “Why are the two of you being so rude?”
Iris threw him a frosty smile. “Oh, no need to worry on that score. I remember everyone I flirt with. Provided they’re worth remembering, of course.” Flipping her hair over her shoulder, she made her way purposefully to the bar. Maybe flirting with a handsome stranger would help her get over her disappointment.
Why had Barry turned out to be the jerk Caitlin had a crush on? Why couldn’t he have been who she wanted him to be?
“Hey, Caitlin. Linda.” Barry paused and then added, a bit softer, “Iris. Sorry I’m late.”
Iris had appeared distracted while he approached the table, but now she replied with a brittle smile, “It’s okay. We’re used to it.” Kara looked shocked as she looked from Iris to Barry and then back again.
Torn between the irritation Iris tended to provoke in him as Barry and his attraction to her when disguised as his alter-ego, Barry decided it was safer to ignore her barb. Turning his attention back to Caitlin, he continued, “I didn’t mean to interrupt. What were you guys talking about?”
“They were just talking about how little things have changed around here,” Kara offered, her voice soft and uncertain, confused by the undercurrents that flowed within the group. “Ah, sorry. I’m Kara. I work with Linda and, uh, Iris.”
Barry threw her a warm smile and introduced himself in turn as Linda added, “That’s right. Just taking a walk down memory lane. Remembering the good old days.”
Iris nodded. “Exactly. Speaking of the good old days, I was just remembering the night we met. It was right here at this bar. Remember, Barry?”
Barry shot her a quick glance. Even after all these years, he still couldn’t believe that she didn’t remember the night they’d met. He would never forget the dance they’d shared. How could it have meant so little to her? His voice was flat as he replied, “Really? Are you sure? I could have sworn we met somewhere else.”
“Um, is everything okay?” Kara asked tentatively.
“Oh, they’re always like this. You get used to it,” Linda replied in an undertone. You just have to let them get it out of their system.”
In her usual attempt to redirect the conversation, Caitlin blurted, “Speaking of the past, whatever happened to Patty? I haven’t heard from her in years.” Turning to Kara, she explained. “You’d have liked her. She was a lot like you. Smart. Funny. Sweet.”
Iris nodded and added in a dry tone, “Oh, she was lovely. Terrible taste in men. But otherwise lovely.”
Barry took the open seat next to Kara and huffed, “And what about Eddie? He seemed like such a great guy. Had the patience of a saint for putting up with Iris. Whatever happened to him?”
He barely heard Linda bark his name, confused when he saw the blood drain from Iris’s face. Lifting a hand to forestall her friend’s defense, she said softly, “No. It’s okay. I probably deserved that. I crossed a line.” Barry watched as she licked her lips and rose shakily to her feet. “Excuse me. I need a refill.”
As she walked away, Caitlin turned to him. “Barry, you’re one of my best friends, but I have to tell you. You can be a real idiot sometimes.”
“What?” he asked defensively. “She can tease me about my college girlfriend, but I can’t tease her about her college boyfriend?”
Linda groaned and sank back into her seat. “He wasn’t just her college boyfriend. They were on and off back then, but they stayed in touch after graduation. Started dating again a few years ago. They even got engaged.” Barry felt his heart sink, dreading what he was afraid he’d hear next. “They broke up a few months ago, shortly before Iris moved back. I don’t know exactly what happened. She doesn’t really talk about it much, but I’m sure it hu-”
Barry didn’t even wait for her to finish the thought. “Excuse me. I need to talk to Iris.” He jumped to his feet and scanned the crowd until she saw of Iris standing a few feet away from the bar. In the bright red one-piece that fit her like a glove, she drew him like a moth to a flame.
He barely noticed the other patrons of the bar as he pushed his way through the crowd, desperate to get close to her. Her head was bowed, and she didn’t move as he approached, but somehow he knew she was aware of his presence behind her. “Iris,” he said in a soft voice. Longing to touch her, his hand hovered over her shoulder. But he didn’t dare. “Iris, I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”
Her soft sniffle broke his heart, and she lifted her hand to her face to brush away a tear before turning to face him. But her gaze stayed locked on his chest as she said in a wooden voice, “It’s okay, Barry. I stopped letting myself get hurt by you a long time ago.”
Barry tensed. “What is that supposed to mean?”
She sighed, her shoulder sagging. “It means…nothing. Nothing I say ever means anything. You should know that by now.”
“Iris, please –” He reached for her, but she stepped back, out of reach. Frustrated, he dropped his hands to his sides and then shoved them in his pockets to fight the urge to reach for her again. “What happed with you and Eddie? I know you won’t believe this, but you can talk to me. You can trust me.”
“No, I made that mistake once before.” She crossed her arms over her chest and shook her head. “Anyway, it doesn’t matter. What happened with Eddie is private. I haven’t even told Caitlin and Linda about it, and they’re my best friends. Why would I tell you?”
“Wait, what? What do you mean you made that mistake before? Iris, talk to me!”
She grimaced and looked away, irritated at herself. “I didn’t – I – Oh, forget it. I’ve probably just had too much to drink. Listen, can you tell the girls we’ll have to reschedule the celebration? I’m not much in a partying mood, and I have to get up early tomorrow anyway.”
“Iris –” Barry tried one last time, but she spun on her heel and walked away.
Iris was lost in her thoughts as she walked home alone from the bar. It was only when she heard the scrape of a footstep directly behind her that she remembered how dangerous losing focus on one’s surroundings could be in Central City. Spinning on her heel, she shifted her weight to her toes, prepared to run if she could or fight if she couldn’t. But instead of an assailant, she saw the familiar red leather suit. “Flash!” she gasped.
“You know, it really isn’t safe to walk alone at night, Miss West.”
She smiled, relaxing her defensive pose. “I can take care of myself.”
“I don’t doubt it. Can I take you home?” Lifting one hand to her cheek, he brushed away a tear, the leather of his suit surprisingly soft against her skin. “You’ve been crying,” he murmured in a soft voice.
Her hand trembled as she lifted it to cover his. “Old memories. Not all good ones. Reminders of what a fool I’ve been.”
“I can’t imagine you ever being a fool.”
She sighed. “You might be surprised. I fell in love with the wrong person once. Apparently I’m still paying the price.”
Through the vocal cord vibration, it was hard to know for sure, but she could swear his voice was sad as he replied, “I’m sorry. Do you want to talk about it?”
“No. What I’d really like to do is go home. Will you take me home, Flash?”
Without another word, he lifted her in his arms. A heartbeat later, she found herself back on her darkened balcony, though he didn’t put her back on her feet right away. Her voice was barely above a whisper when she asked, “Flash?”
He turned to face her, his features obscured by shadow, but he seemed uncertain as he asked, “I’m probably crossing a line, but I haven’t been able to stop thinking about our kiss. Would – would you mind if I kissed you again?”
Iris licked her lips. “I think…I think I’d like that.”
“Close your eyes.” She did so and could feel the moment he stopped vibrating his face to obscure his features. His breath fanned gently across her face as he bowed his head, slowly bringing his lips to hers. Keeping her eyes closed, she parted her mouth, sweeping her tongue against his lower lip, and shivered when she heard his answering moan. Beneath her palms, she could feel him tremble – not to hide his face this time, but in an effort to hold back. Although he had initiated the kiss, he was letting her set the pace. Allowing her to draw the line for how far it would go.
Iris tightened her arms around his neck, wishing she could find a way to pull him even closer. This strange pull she felt towards the Flash was ridiculous. Absurd. She didn’t know who he was. She knew nothing about him. She didn’t even know his name – and hadn’t that ended so terribly for her before?
Yet there was just something about him. She found herself drawn to him and didn’t know why. Although they had just met, there was something about him that felt like coming home. Like she’d been waiting her whole life to find him.
Breaking off the kiss with a ragged laugh, she pulled away and waited until she felt him start to vibrate his features again before she opened her eyes. “This is just…I can’t believe that I’m doing this. I know I don’t know anything about you. A few minutes ago, I was crying over my pitiful excuse for a love life, and now I’m kissing a masked super hero on my balcony. And the thing is, I…I like kissing you.” She blushed, feeling how ridiculous that sounded. She rushed to explain. “I can’t help but feel like there’s some sort of…some sort of connection between us. You know? Please tell me you feel it too. Please tell me I’m not completely out of my mind, because I’m starting to wonder if maybe I am. Am I?”
Flash put her gently back on her feet. Then he moved behind her, whispering in her ear, “It’s not just you. I’ve been in love with you since the first time I held you in my arms, Iris West.”
Her breath caught in her throat and she spun around to ask him if was true. But by the time she turned, he was gone.
“I told her I loved her,” Barry told his computer screen. He sighed. “I can’t believe I told her I loved her,” he declared to his phials. “Why did I tell her I loved her?” The bottom of his empty beaker provided no more of an answer than any other inanimate object he’d asked that day.
Leaning back in his chair, he speared his fingers into his hair and stared at the ceiling. “She hates me. When she finds out who I am, she’s going to kill me. She’s never going to believe that I was telling the truth. What am I going to do?”
He heard a knock behind him and turned, nearly tipping the chair backwards when he saw Iris standing in his doorway. “Iris!” he yelped, wondering how long she’d been standing there. “Wh-what are you - I-I mean, I wasn’t – I didn’t know you – um, I wish you’d called. I would have – um – how long have you been standing there?”
Iris stared at him warily. “Is this a bad time?”
“No, not at all! I mean, um, how long did you say you’d been standing there, again? Would you say it’s been for very long, or –”
She rolled her eyes. “Don’t worry, I haven’t been befouling your precious workplace for very long with my presence,” she said caustically. An older cop brushed past her in the hallway, throwing her a strange look, and Iris scowled as she stepped into Barry’s lab.
He swallowed, sagging in relief. He wanted to reassure her that wasn’t what he meant, but he wasn’t sure he wanted to face any further questions. “So…um…why are you here then?” he asked, his tone guarded.
Iris seemed to be clenching her teeth as she replied, “Well, I know I’ve said that I wouldn’t ask you for help if you were the last guy on Earth. But as it turns out, you are apparently the one guy on Earth who knows the most about metas. So I’m here for your help.”
Her spine was rigid as she reached into her bag and pulled out a piece of paper. “I need you to tell me if there’s anything unusual about this.”
Confused, he took it from her. “What is it?” he asked.
She scraped her teeth against her lower lip. “It’s a page from an autopsy report. I just need to know if you see anything strange about it. Anything that indicates it might have been the result of a meta attack.”
Barry skimmed the page. “I…I have no idea.”
“Forget it,” she blurted, grabbing for a page. “I should have known better than to ask.”
As she turned to leave, he called after her. “You don’t understand. It’s not that I’m not willing to help. It’s just, I can’t tell much from just that page. Even if you think the meta might affect just the heart, there are a lot of factors that go into an analysis. I can’t tell much from just one page of an autopsy report. I need to read the whole thing.”
Iris stopped, though she didn’t turn to face him. She seemed to be waging some sort of internal battle – whether she should take him up on his offer or walk away.
“I want to help you. I do. Even if you don’t believe that, then you should believe that, whatever problems we’ve had between us, I take my research on metahumans very seriously. But I can’t help you if you won’t let me.”
She sighed and pulled her notebook out of her bag. Jotting something down quickly, she spun around and thrust it at him. “Fine. But not here. I’ll give you one chance, but only because I have no other choice. Come by tonight after work, and I’ll show you what I’m working on. But I swear Barry. If you make me regret this…”
He didn’t need her address, of course, but he took it anyway. “You won’t regret it. I promise.”
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littledonkeyburrito · 7 years ago
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So Unclean
1. Quick! Chinese or Mexican? Both!
2. How many significant others have you had in your WHOLE life? I don’t think any of them would count as “significant”
3. I have to ask: What does the last message you received say? “I saw the corpse touching party photo again”
4. How about the last message you sent? *laughing face emoji*
5. Have you shared any kisses today? No.
6. Did the last person you kissed have soft lips, or were they kind of crusty? Soft. Can I just say that “crusty” is like the worst possible adjective you could have used.
7. Do you think your life will be any different a year from now? Yeah because I’ll probably be in Australia and working and stuff
8. What is in your wallet? My licence, bank card, health insurance card, metro ticket and I think about 30 euro 
9. Have you ever been in a fist fight? 11 years of martial arts will do that to you
10. When was the last time you went to the doctor? Back when I got my yellow fever shot in august
11. Are you going out of town anytime soon? I'm going back to australia in 2 weeks. There was talk of a family friend maybe paying for me to visit her in london next week but idk what’s happening with that.
12. Do you hate your ex? There is one I dislike, the rest are fine.
13. When are you going to get a haircut? When I’m back in Australia
14. Can you fit your hand around your wrist? Yes
15. When was the last time you applied chapstick? A couple of hours ago. Need to put more on though. Winter is a bitch for cracked lips. I swear I have to drink like 10 litres of water to stop them drying out
16. Are you a coffee person or a tea person? Neither, but if I have to choose, then tea.
17. When’s the last time you had a phone conversation for more than ten minutes? Does a voice call on google hangout count? If yes, then today with Maggie and Patrick while we played The Elder Scrolls
18. All the people you’ve kissed, what did their names start with? God, I’ll just list the letters in alphabetical I guess: A, B, C, D, E, I, J, M, N, R, Z Most of those letters are multiple people though. Surprisingly there are two Z’s and neither of them are a name you expect.
19. What did you and your ex fight about most? I have never had anything last long enough for fights.
20. Don’t you love long hugs? Generally, no. But if they’re from certain people, yes.
21. And long kisses? Sure, why not
22. Have you ever purchased condoms? Yes
23. Do you have a dirty mind? My mind is So Unclean.
24. Do you check the mail everyday, or somebody else? Nah I never get post here so I only check like once a week.
25. Did you think braces were cool when you were little? I don’t recall ever having an opinion
26. Put your iTunes on shuffle RIGHT NOW and tell me the first song it plays. I can’t be bothered waiting for itunes to open but I can tell you that I currently have “La Raza Es La Pura Raza�� by Molotov currently playing youtube.
27. What is the last song you added to your iTunes library? That would have been an album by Alvaro Soler. But I’m going to put a bunch of new songs on there soon before my flight back to aus
28. Are you embarrassed by any of the songs in your iTunes? Not really. I have no shame.
29. When was the last time you were sick? No idea but I’ll probably get a cold from the 26 hours of flying I’ll be doing soon.
30. Who was your Valentine this year? Nobody
31. When did you first kiss the last person you kissed? September
32. And when did you last kiss the last person you kissed? October
33. Did you borrow that shirt from somebody? No
34. What was the last thing you put in your mouth? Dark chocolate with almonds
35. Do you like to swim? I used to hate it because long hair took forever to dry. Now I don’t mind but I don’t actively try to go swimming often.
36. How many vacations have you been on in the past year? Oh My God so many this year has been awesome. And since I’ve been living in spain the whole time I guess it’s basically been a year long vacation.
37. Have you ever gone on vacation with your boyfriend/girlfriend? No
38. Do you have to wake up early tomorrow? No but I might anyway because I barely slept last night and I’m going to bed after I finish this quiz.
39. When you put an album into your iTunes, do you delete all of the songs that you dislike, or do you prefer to keep the complete album in your library, and why? I keep the whole album. But I have playlists of my favourite songs.
40. How often do you get confused about someone’s tone through the internet or texting? (For example, taking something serious that was intended to be taken sarcastically?) Not often. My friends and I get each other pretty well and if we can’t understand the tone we just ask.
41. What was your most awkward sexual experience? (If you don’t have one/are too embarrassed to share, what is the funniest sex story you’ve heard?) I don’t think I really have any funny or awkward stories. The most amusing one for me was fooling around in the back of his car and ducking every time another car drove past and him saying that if anyone looked in they’d only see me because I’m so pasty I pretty much glow in the dark.
42. Have you ever called in and won a radio contest, and, if so, what was it, and what’d you win? No but this reminds me that when I was a kid I won an easter colouring competition and my prize was a 3kg chocolate bunny which my dad smashed up with a hammer and put all the pieces in a cooler and then most of it was eaten by him and my brother. Although in fairness to my brother he did trade me a stuffed monkey toy for half the chocolate.
43. If you’ve used pads, do you prefer them with or without wings and why? What kind of sadistic fuck uses pads without wings? Fun fact: pads are the reason I know the spanish word for “wing”
44. Who was the last person you had actual sex with in a dream? I think I had a sex dream about my ex recently
45. If you went to a bookstore, what section would you most likely end up at? The exit, tbh. I’m not a big reader.
46. What is in your left pocket? There is nothing in any of my pockets
45. How much alcohol did you have this weekend? I think I had 2 beers on Friday night
46. Do you eat gas station food? Pies.
47. What color underwear do you have on? White and blue speckled
48. Do you sit or stand in the shower? Stand, unless I���m particularly tired or I’m feeling sick. Sitting under the shower is a really effective method of stopping nausea for me.
49. Where were you born? UK
50. Where do you work? Or go to school? Or are you a bum? Currently a total bum but soon will be back working in security
51. What do you want to be when you grow up? Who the fuck even knows. I’m open to suggestions if you wanna throw some at me
52. When did you join Facebook? Why? 2008 because all my friends had facebook. I think I got myspace then too.
53. Do you like to cuddle? Only with sexual partners.
54. Do you believe that the last person that you kissed cares for you? Don’t know. Maybe a little?
55. How long does it take you to fall asleep at night? Lately, so fucking long. Like, 4 hours.
56. Do you prefer to take your showers at night or in the morning? Morning because I’m a sweaty sleeper.
57. Is there a night you would like to repeat and allow it to live on forever? Yeah, there is one night that comes to mind
58. Name a person whose name starts with the letter M. Me, Maddie
59. Do you eat ranch with your pizza? I am but a simple australian and I’m not even entirely sure what ranch dressing is
60. Is there a place that you wish you could visit? So many
61. Do you believe that this weekend will be a good one for you? Depends if I do actually end up going to London
62. Is there anyone that is jealous of you or anything that you have? I hope so. People’s jealousy of my travel kinda fuels me tbh
63. Have you told anyone that you missed them lately? Yeah I told my mama I miss her
64. Why will/won’t you and your ex get back together? We probably will when I’m back in australia. We’ve already agreed to catch up once I’m back.
65. Have you ever kissed anyone while driving? No, that sounds dangerous
66. Think of the last person you kissed. Have you ever kissed them on a bed or a couch? Yes and no I don’t think we ever kissed on a couch. It was mostly in hotel rooms so I don’t think there were any couches
67. Is your best friend single? Yeah
68. What are you going to be doing later? Sleeping hopefully. I’m so tired
69. The last kind of lotion you used, what does it smell like? Probably like lotion with argon oil. Y’know because that’s what it was.
70. Have you hung out with any guys recently? I have not physically hung out with anyone for a long time. 
71. Can you go a whole day without drinking any pop or eating any sweets? Yeah, that’s not uncommon. I’ve kinda surprised myself by how unintentionally healthy my diet has gotten this past year. Like, I eat a ton of vegetables every day and drink mostly water, milk and orange juice. And I started eating eggs for some protein too.
72. Who’s the weirdest teacher at your school? There was a teacher at my highschool called (I think) Mr. Moore. He was always powerwalking and/or spilling his coffee. He was just.. hell I don’t even know how to describe him but I guess he was like a human version of a hyperactive vibration. I’m sure that makes absolutely no sense but that’s all I think to say
73. How old were you when you learned how to ride a bike? 5 or 6
74. Who do you talk to first when you’re upset? Mum or Maggie
75. Do you have nightmares often? Not proper nightmares but my dreams are often quite anxious
76. Do you think you could be with someone for over four years? No idea.
77. Were you happy when you woke up today? No, I just wanted to go back to sleep. I only got like 3 or 4 hours sleep.
78. What are you thinking about right now? Which surburbs in Brisbane I should look for apartments in
79. Are you wearing jeans, shorts, or sweats? Jeans
80. Would you live with someone without marrying them? Yes. I wouldn’t marry someone if I hadn’t lived with them for a while first
81. When is the last time you really laughed? When I read that story about communion with the life size bread jesus earlier
82. Have you ever skipped school because you were tired? Not school but I skipped uni lectures a lot
83. What was the last thing you had to drink? Water.
84. Your most recent ex needs you at 3 AM, do you go? Depends what he needs me for, but probably 85. Would you rather kiss someone 5 years older or 5 year younger? 5 years older. Five younger is like 18 and hell nah I’m not going to kiss an 18yo kid.
86. Do you like your parents? Yeah they're pretty awesome as far as parents go. My Ma especially is just a fucking awesome lady, I know it sounds cliche but she is genuinely one of my best friends.
87. Do you make smart decisions? Usually but I have been known to fuck it up every now and then, usually with money stuff.
88. Would you consider yourself tall? No. I can’t use the top 2 shelves of my fridge.
89. Have you answered all of these questions honestly so far? why would I lie?
90. Have you ever lived in a house with a basement? I don’t think so
91. What woke you up this morning? My alarm
92. How many hours of sleep did you get last night? 3 or 4
93. Anybody tell you they miss you lately? When I told Ma I miss her she said she misses me too
94. Have you ever kissed someone who was high? Yeah
95. What were you doing at 4am this morning? I’ll tell what I wasn’t fucking doing was sleeping even though I’d already been in bed for 3 hours.
96. Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed? Well he’s in Costa Rica so the physical distance would make it a little more difficult.
97. What time is it right now? 10:23pm
98. Have you ever been led on? I wouldn’t even notice, I am so oblivious to that stuff
99. Do you know a secret about your ex and if he/she pisses you off, will you tell? No
100. Are you excited about anything today? I’m getting kinda pumped to start looking at apartments back in Brisbane. I really like looking at rental apartments. That’s why I always offer to help my friends find a place.
101. Do people ever call you by your last name? Actually yeah there’s one guy at work that calls me by my last name but he’s gonna get confused once I’m back because my brother works there too now.
102. Have you ever gone camping? I used to spend a couple of nights with my aunt and uncle every year when they went camping over the christmas break
103. Would you sleep with the last person who Facebook messaged you? Probs not
104. When’s the next time you will consume alcohol? Whenever I buy beer next, probably within the next week
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erindatesla · 7 years ago
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Flasback Friday: Roach Guy, From Pests to Pal
January 09, 2014
If I'd had a blog in 2011, you would have heard a lot about "Roach Guy" in the last two years. (With some encouragement) I've decided to compile all the posts that would have been. At it's worst it's my greatest diary entry, at it's best it's the foundation for my first book. Either way, brace yourself for too many words.
Message Monday: The Roach Breeder November 2011
I messaged this guy on OKCupid because his profile said he had a collection of small pets and cared for his plants like children (or something). He only posted one picture on his profile and it was from a distance, so I don't even know what he looks like. I know, I'm so brave. His reply:
As it turns out, HE BREEDS ROACHES. It's important for you to know that one time when I saw a roach in the living room I locked myself in my bedroom to cry until my dad showed up to dispose of it. I was 20.
Yet for some reason, his roach breeding doesn't bother me that much. Granted, I will never enter his home so long as he willingly houses these pests, but I'm oddly intrigued by this guy. I've had a busy week so I've been slow to reply and got this message from him:
SHOULD I BE CONCERNED THAT I STILL WANT TO TALK TO HIM??
The good thing is that if I ever date him he already has a nickname among my friends: Roach Guy.
My Date With Roach Guy and His Toe Shoes December 2011
Against all odds (read: the fact that he breeds roaches), I ended up meeting Roach Guy (RG).
We met for dinner at Native Foods in Costa Mesa, since I'm a vegetarian and he is too! (pescetarian, technically). Not really knowing who to look for thanks to his lack of photos, when I first arrived and saw an old man, I feared I was being Catfished! Then I spotted him: bearded, nice smile, casual clothes and those shoes that have a slot for each toe. There's always a catch, right? If roaches weren't enough, he had to be wearing toe shoes??
I'm pretty shallow, so this should be a huge, waiving red flag for me. But I had the best time! His demeanor is calm and friendly, and we had so much to talk about. I found myself wanting to know everything about this human. Eventually we wondered why the restaurant employees were turning off the lights, only to realize it had been 4 hours and we'd shut the place down! Time had escaped us. I could maybe talk to him forever? But like, toe shoes.
"EXCUSE ME, MAY I LIVE ON YOUR DRESSER FOREVER?" - GERALD
Meet Gerald December 2011
I saw Roach Guy again -- we met at a cool spot of his choice in Santa Ana, and when I arrived he gave me an ORIGAMI DINOSAUR that was holding a bouquet of flowers.
Did you read that? An ORIGAMI DINOSAUR. That he made. With his hands. In his spare time. For me. it was holding flowers. HE SIGNED AND DATED THE BOTTOM. Internally I melted and swooned and died twice. Don't worry, externally I played it supes cool.
After dinner we caravanned to the beach to watch something magical take place in the sky or something. It was the night of winter solstice, so we found a spot amid the rocks to talk and gaze. A cop found us and told us the beach closed at 10 ("nature was closed," so to speak) so once he left we relocated to a grassy area nearby, only to be splashed suddenly by sprinklers. RG covered me with the blanket he'd brought and we found dry land. Eventually we made our way down to a lifeguard tower hidden away from the cops and sprinklers. To arrive there we had to go down a dark and quiet street, the kind in horror films where you scream at the girl "DON'T GO HE'S GOING TO MURDER YOU!" But thankfully I had politely asked him not to murder me earlier in the night, and he obliged. In retrospect, it could have been a scene from a rom-com: sitting on a lifeguard tower under the stars, talking, laughing ETC. ETC. ETC. In the moment it never seems as picturesque.
When my friends asked how the night went all I had to say was, "he gave me an origami dinosaur that was holding a bouquet of flowers" and they knew I was smitten.
Roaches Are Tenacious March 2012
They say roaches can live 10 days with their heads cut off. Who is out there testing this theory, I don't know. But apparently they're determined little suckers.
Just like Roach Guy.
Despite the fact that we had a great third date and that he's super sweet (he emailed me "e-soup" when I was sick!), I dropped him like hot potato. At first I told him I was busy, then I stopped replying to a majority of his texts and emails. I KNOW, I'm the worst! However, like a roach isn't phased by nuclear war, RG wasn't phased by my distance. He even asked me to get ice cream on Valentine's Day which provoked several feelings and thoughts: 1) how sweet 2) should I be insulted you think I'm free for Valentine's Day, on Valentine's Day 3) wow you're persistent it has been like six weeks, brah 4) that's really cute I love ice cream should I go.
I didn't go. Instead I continued to be vague and distant. Then he emailed me the most charming little letter you ever did see. I wish it was a love letter and not a "WTF happened, Erin" letter. My favorite sentence:
Although our times together were brief relative to linear time they were rich in substance, and there was a strange effect on the normal progression of time when you were around.
Isn't that the most poetic? I apologized and after some email banter we agreed to be friends in the future. I'm kind of into that idea but refuse to act interested because duh.
I Have A Crush On A Guy Who Once Bred Roaches January 2013
BLAPTICA DUBIA
After two hangouts that were pleasant but nothing to write home about, Roach Guy and I began talking on the phone more often. One day I said, "it's weird we still talk on the phone even though we've only met 5 times." What I meant was that we were essentially strangers, yet I felt really comfortable talking to him at length. He misinterpreted that as "let's hang out," and I didn't correct him.
We were supposed to watch a movie at my apartment, but while he was driving over my friend offered me two free tickets for a Muse concert. I "asked" Roach Guy if that was okay (read: I dictated that we were going to a concert) and he agreed to go. The concert was great, yeah yeah yeah, but what really stands out is how much we LAUGHED. After the concert he was laying stretched out on my living room floor and I was sitting on my couch when I realized I had a crush on him. Well, more than a crush, I like him. After all this time! I try and find all these reasons not to like him such as,
1. he is repulsed by butter, which is my favorite food 2. he sleeps on his floor instead of using his bed 3. he despises authority figures while I'm over here like #respect.
While I would normally mock a guy for the above and blame these differences for a reason to distance myself, in this case it's made me realize that you can't just like piece of a person. When you like someone you like someone, and I like Roach Guy.
One night this month we talked on the phone for four hours. We discovered we could be silent without feeling strange, and we could talk about being silent without feeling strange, without feeling strange. During this conversation we made plans for him to come up and see a movie with me, and he asked if we could call that a date. After an extremely long pause I said sure. He had JUST told me twenty minutes earlier that he didn't want a significant other so that he could explore his path to enlightenment. MEANWHILE I'LL EXPLORE MY PATH TO HEARTBREAK.
The night of our date he put his arm around me during the movie, and afterwards we got pizza and ate it in my living room . He put concerted effort into befriending my ferocious chihuahua, and in no time they were buds, melting my heart once and for all.
QUIZ: ARE YOU EMOTIONALLY AVAILABLE March 2013
BOXER JOHN CONTEH DRINKING BEER IN THE SHOWER DECEMBER 1978 (PIC: DM) THEN SO CAN I OKAY??
Like his namesake, Roach Guy has vanished into the dark. When we did speak briefly he said he is seeking introspection. (Introspecting? Is that a word, I don't know.)
He's doing exactly what I did to him when we first met, so I can't get mad, technically, without being a hypocrite.
I'm kind of mad. More like, sad, if anything. Like drink-beer-in-the-shower-while-singing-Rilo-Kiley-at-the-top-of-my-lungs-until-my-friend-shows-up-with-pizza-sad. GURLZ YOU KNOW WHERE I'M AT WUT UP.
This is a totally normal female reaction to a male, and I feel comfortable sharing it on the Internet in light of the fact that it may sound like a diary entry.
As such, I'm creating a quiz that any future dating prospects must complete:
QUIZ: ARE YOU EMOTIONALLY AVAILABLE **Graded: PASS or FAIL 1. Are you "emotionally available"? a) yes b) no 2. If you answered "a" above, are you sure? a) yes b) no 3) Do you like butter? a) I fucking love it give me all the butter b) ew Correct answers: 1. a; 2. a 3. a
If you answered "b" to any of the above questions you cannot put your mouth on my mouth even if you're the funniest.
I'm Grateful for the Internet* January 10, 2014
*This isn't really a post about the Internet, per say.
The next time someone asks me my favorite place in the world I'm just going to be honest and say the Internet -- I spend all of my time there these days! Who cares where I am when I can talk to anyone just about anywhere from any of my devices!! In this day and age and decade of my life (#twentysomething), it's hard to meet people, and the Internet makes it easier. #single #nerd #dateme
ROACH GUY LOVES NEW GIRL.
Thinking about my addictive relationship to the Internet and therefore Facebook/Twitter/Blogs/OKCUPID, my mind wanders to Roach Guy. I made a friend on the Internet you guys!! It almost makes filtering through aggressive 46 year old men worth it.
After his introspection, Roach Guy eventually resurfaced from the dark, and though we fizzled out "romantically" many moons ago, we've maintained a friendship that I really appreciate.
Recently he asked how I would write about "Roach Guy" on my blog (he's a big supporter, thanks brah), and I told him I didn't know what exactly I'd write about him. He said I had a good point: there weren't any crazy stories besides his nickname and, "Other than distancing ourselves, which we both did in the same way, it was all just nice casual dates where we laughed and had delicious pizza." My gut reply was "eff you" because old crushes and darkness and emotions, but I took the high road (kind of) because he is my friend and like, #dignity.
Instead I called him out on the vagueness around whether our hangouts were "dates," and eventually he admitted that he'd been too cowardly to tell me he just wanted to be friends (you know, because I didn't catch on when he disappeared for a couple months). He, like most guys, can be clueless. Most likely he doesn't realize (or care) that my crush on him didn't just disappear when he did. Though he admits it was "cowardly" to not tell me his (lack of) feelings sooner, he also said I could have asked.
Well, one time when he left my house after a night "where we laughed and had delicious pizza" I asked if it was a date. He said "let's leave it open to interpretation." I digress, and this recent conversation about his (lack of) feelings for me is certainly not the point of this #FlashbackFriday.
In fact, I'm very much at peace with my friendship with Roach Guy -- I enjoy our texts, SnapChats and quarterly IRL hangouts quite a bit. It has made me realize the importance of BRUTAL HONESTY, OPENING ONES' HEART and COMMUNICATION in relationships - romantic or otherwise. Plus, it taught me a lot about the snap judgements I so often make. What if I'd written him off when he mentioned roaches?? I'd have missed out on an awesome friendship.
On February 2, 2013, RG and I grabbed beers in Long Beach. I'm going to end this with a few quotes from Roach Guy, unattached to each other but all from the same conversation about relationships and the friend zone (god I'm so thankful past Erin kept a journal and wrote down quotes like a stalker):
One day someone will see how kind I am and love me back.
I have so much love to give.
I will always like you and be attracted to you.
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