#like if i saw this play and I couldn’t believe that monologue it would takeaway from her arc

[vogelmeister]

me on my way to make this the most emotionally charged monologue of the play

[akiscribbles-blog]

Only You

-

Pairing: Kim Heechul x Reader

Genre: Angst, Drama

Summary: A broken heart and a few drinks later, you confess your feelings for him.

Word count: 3247

Gif source

“You what?” You stared at the man who was sitting on the opposite side of the table with wide eyes. You were shocked to hear what he had said and needed to hear it again in case you were wrong. Heechul rolled his eyes at you like he usually did.

   “I asked her out”, he replied. 

   “You what??” you repeated yourself, still not believing his words.

   “You sound like a broken record”, Heechul noted with a slight annoyance in his tone. “I told you there was a girl I liked, so I asked her out yesterday.”

   “Wh-?” your voice cracked for a moment, but you cleared your throat and took a quick deep breath so it wouldn’t look too suspicious. “What did she do?”

   “Aish, she didn’t kiss me”, the idol leaned back in his seat. “I was sure she liked me back...”

   You sighed silently in relief. He didn’t seem to notice how you acted. To be honest, he never had. You had been friends for a while, and even if you didn’t want to admit it to yourself most of the time, you have had feelings for him that whole time.

“Well, she’s not too smart then”, you said a little too coldly. 

   Heechul chuckled. “Right.”

   “Perhaps”, you started carefully. “Perhaps you need someone who knows you?”

   He raised his eyebrow at you, staring at you as if you were insane. 

   “You know I don’t like to befriend my girlfriends.”

   You glared at him. “But there is a ‘friend’ in ‘girlfriend’ for a reason!”

   The man shook his head and reached out to finish his takeout food, ignoring your statement completely. He didn’t seem to get the hint. It hurt you, but you hid it well as you simply continued to eat your food as well.

   “How about you?” Heechul glanced up to you with mouth full of food.

   “What about me?”

   “Do you have a man in your life?”

   You placed your chopsticks on the table and smirked at him as you answered his question: “You, and my dad.”

   He gave you an unamused look. “You know what I mean!”

   “Well, what do you think?”

   “I think you have a secret boyfriend”, Heechul showed you a smirk that matched yours.

   “And why do you think that?”

   “Because”, he leaned in closer to you, his smirk turning more mischievous. “I see you glowing. If you know what I mean.” He finished his sentence with a wink.

   Your eyes grew almost twice in size and your cheeks turned visibly red. “You pervert! No!” You stood up and leaned across the table and slapped him on his shoulder.

   Heechul simply chuckled amusingly, raising his hands slowly in front of you to calm you down. “I’m kidding, I’m kidding!”

   You crossed your arms and glared at the man while you sat back down on the chair. “I hate you.”

   “I know”, he smiled “But seriously though, you've been a little happier lately, so I imagined you probably found someone who makes you that way.”

   “Right. And I am hiding him from you, because I know you would just scare him away”, you replied to him sarcastically.

   “Hey! I am not that bad!”

   Now it was your time to smirk mischievously, leaving an almost evil chuckle.

   But you knew why you had been so happy: it was Heechul. You had spend so much time with him and the more you did, the more clear your feelings for him were to you. You loved this man. You loved his savage, obnoxious, somewhat arrogant and caring personality. You loved his hair, his eyes, his nose, his lips, the whole him. However, you damned yourself for it. You knew from the start that it was a bad idea. He never asked you out and now you were such good friends that you knew he would never do so.

   “That was good!” Heechul got up from his seat and grabbed the trash from the table so he cloud throw them in the pin. “I should go home now.”

   “Wha-? Already?” You stood up fast.

   “Yeah, it’s getting late.”

   You sighed, but followed him as he was walking towards your apartment’s front door. He turned around just before he opened it and wrapped his arms around you.

   “Thanks. It was nice hanging out with you. We need to do this more often.”

   You returned the hug. “’More often’? Heechul I don’t think you can fit more hangouts with me to your busy life!”

   “Then I’ll make time”, he patted your head gently. “I need to take care of my friend.”

   Your heart sank a little, but you didn’t let it show. You smiled, letting out a soft “awh”.

   He gave you that lovely Heechul dimple smile, before letting you go. He grabbed his coat from the stand and unlocked the door, taking a step out and you took his place at the door frame. He kept smiling at you and then waved.

   “Bye then~”

   “Bye...”

   So Heechul then walked out of your sight and you closed the door as you got back inside. You dragged yourself to your couch and nearly fell down on it. You stared at the turned off TV blankly. “’Friend’”, you repeated his words out loudYou were happy to have him as your friend, and even happier to be one of the ones he considered his best friends, but still, night after night you wished you had him laying next to you, holding you in a way only a lover could hold. He was the only one you wanted. The only one you loved. You slowly lied down on the furniture, your stare still almost emotionless, except for the slight sadness that grew stronger the more you thought about Kim Heechul. You closed your eyes and let the tears flow.

---

You woke up the next morning laying on the couch. You must have fallen asleep. You stood up to sit, glancing over to the spot your head had been. It was slightly tainted with what seemed like mascara and eyeliner stains. A sigh came out from you and you got up to your feet, walking over to the bathroom to clean yourself up.

   You looked at your reflection from the mirror.

   “You look awful”, you chuckled at yourself and then proceeded to grab some makeup remover. 

   You gently took your eye-makeup off, then washed your face with a cleanser to get the rest away too. You finished it off with a toner. Heechul always kept nagging at you about how important it is to take your makeup off an then clean your whole face, then tone and moisturize. So even though he wasn’t anywhere nearby, you decided to humor him.

   As you closed the mirror cabinet, you saw yourself again. You still had some dark circles under your eyes, most likely from the crying. You didn’t care too much though. Today there was not much to do, which none involved going outside to the public anyway. 

   You scratched your head as you walked out of the bathroom to get some breakfast.

---

After some time of playing video-games and watching random videos from the Internet, you were getting hungry. You jumped up from the couch and placed the controller on your seat, then walked over to the fridge to see what you still had left in there. Just a whole a lot of nothing, it seemed. You groaned in frustration.

   “Do I really have to go buy food?” 

   You glanced to the kitchen table to see your phone. You reached to it and grabbed it, looked at your saved numbers, but as you almost hit the pizza delivery, you stopped yourself.

   “No... I ordered pizza twice already this week.”

   You thought of all the possible things you could eat in your head. “How about Chinese? There’s a restaurant close by. I could go there and order a takeaway.” You nodded to yourself after your monologue. “Yeah, then I won’t seem like I never leave my home.”

   You quickly placed your phone back where you took it and grabbed your wallet and your keys. You didn’t even bother to check if your hair looked okay or not. You were out the door and the building before you could have second thoughts.

   It was a little chilly outside, which made you curse yourself for not taking a jacket with you. Your thin long-sleeved shirt didn’t warm you one bit so you brought your hands around you to try and warm yourself up as you walked on the street. Gladly you arrived at the small Chinese restaurant and you slid in as fast as you could. There was a small line of four people before you.

   You took your way to the end of the line, waiting patiently while still shivering from the cold. This particular restaurant seemed to be popular at this hour.

   As the line got shorter, you took a step forward, glancing at the people around sitting at the tables. Then the line got even shorter and you took another step, this time looking behind you, outside. You watched as the people walked past the building, one girl standing in front of the window. Soon after a taller male figure appeared in front of her. They looked like a couple. You didn’t know what, but something made you stare at the two. The man looked almost exactly like...

   “H-Heechul...?”

   You rubbed your eyes to make sure you weren’t seeing things. No. Only one person had that hair, that nose, those lips. You took a step closer and even though the figure actually didn’t get any more clear, you were sure of him being Heechul. He hugged the girl. But not like he hugged you, no, he hugged her more lovingly. Was this the girl he said he liked? But she didn’t like her back, he told you so. Then:

   He leaned in to her.

   “No...”

   She leaned back.

   “Please no...”

   You were praying for all the possible entities so that the thing wouldn’t happen that you were afraid of happening, but in vain. Your heart broke as you saw him kiss her. But no matter how much you wanted to, you couldn’t take your eyes off them. The whole world stopped moving as you watched them.

   After a just a small moment that seemed like an eternity, they parted and Heechul wrapped his arm around her shoulder. You stared at the spot where they were standing, even when they both had left.

   “Hello?”

   Your attention suddenly went to the person on the counter, who looked at you rather irritatedly.

   “Would you like to order?”

   You stared at the man with tear-filled eyes and took off without saying a word, bumping into people getting in. 

   As you got outside, you started running. Where? It didn’t matter. Just as far away as you could. Somewhere. Anywhere. You would run until your legs would turn into mush.

   Surely enough, sooner than you would have liked, your legs started hurting and you had to stop to catch a breath. You leaned against a wall of a building, falling down to sit on the ground. You let the tears fall while you tried to pull yourself together, the image of the man you loved, kissing another woman, burned to your brain. You needed to get that out.

   “Hey, are you okay?”

   A stranger’s voice got closer to you. You looked up to see a young man. His hair was brown and just barely reached to his shoulders. His eyebrows were arched and his eyes were dark. He was wearing some ripped jeans and a black leather jacket with a black shirt under it.

   “Y-yeah”, you sniffled and rubbed the tears away. “I just need a drink or two. Or ten.”

   “Oh?” he offered a hand to you. You took it and he pulled you up. “What happened?”

   “Men”, you said bluntly. He didn’t seem to care about your remark and only laughed. 

   “Tell me about it! All jerks!”

   “Even you?” you asked.

   “I’ll let you decide”, he said jokingly. “Come, I’ll buy you a drink or two. Or ten.”

   You let out a giggle at his repeat of the words you said. You nodded to him in agreement and he smiled wide. At this point, you didn’t care if a complete stranger would buy you drinks. You just needed to drink. He kept a hold of your hand as he led you to the nearest pub.

---

“Oh, oh! I have another one!” The stranger whose name you didn’t know, or didn’t remember, began his joke. You two were in a restaurant that served drinks, sitting on a table with half finished beers in front you. You were drunk and eager to hear his, what would most likely be a lame joke.

   “A kimchi dumpling confessed its love to kimchi. What do you think it confessed?” he slurred out of drunkenness.

   “A kimchi dumpling confessed its love to kimchi?” you repeated, sounding more drunk than he did. “What would it say?”

   After a second of thinking you let out an annoyed groan. “I don’t know! What would it say?”

   “Inside me”, the young man then leaned in and whispered loudly, “there’s you.”

   You stared at the man with drunken eyes. “What is that?”

   “There’s kimchi inside of kimchi dumpling”, the young man explained. “That’s why inside of me, there is you.”

   As you finally got the joke you started to giggle hysterically. “Oh my god, that is so funny!”

   You grabbed the glass jug full of beer and proceeded to pour some to his glass.

   “No, no, no...” he waved his hand on his glass so you couldn’t pour too much in. “Let’s stop and leave?”

   You ignored his suggestion while you still kept laughing at the lame joke and took a long sip out of your own glass. “Inside of me, there is you!”

    You out of nowhere could here as if someone was calling your name, someone who was farther away than your current date. The person’s voice sounded familiar, but you decided to ignore it an took a big sip out of your glass.

   But again you heard someone call out your name, closer and more clearly now than a second ago. You were getting annoyed.

   “What?!”

   “Did you not get my messages?? I was so worried!”

   You lazily tried to look up to the direction of the strange voice.

   “And who is this? Your secret boyfriend??”

   The nice young man also looked at the direction of the odd voice. “What? Me? Boyfriend??” He looked at you with questioning eyes. “Do you know him?”

   You took a better look at the third person who was standing in front of your table, his arms crossed in front of his chest. You squished your eyes and had a serious look at the stranger, finally being able to see who it was.

   “Heechul!” you announced loudly.

   You gently gestured for him to sit down next to you. “Sit down, Chullie. Drink!”

   He didn’t move from his spot and just glared at you.

   “What?” you asked out rather loudly.

   “You haven’t answered my messages!” he raised his voice even more.

   You lifted your eyebrow and then had a feel of your pockets. You were somehow surprised to not feel your phone in there.

   “Oh! I must have forgot my phone at home!” you giggled.

   “You forgot it at home!?” he nearly shouted. “I was worried! I thought something had happened!”

   You shook your head and finished your drink before trying to pour more in.

   “Oh no. I think you’ve had enough”, Heechul stopped you by grabbing your wrist before you could pick the jug.

   You pouted at his actions, but still stood up from your seat.

   “Are you leaving?” the young man asked you.

   “I guess”, you let out. Then before you could say anything else, Heechul pulled you with him outside to the chill weather.

   You shivered lightly, wrapping your arms around you to warm yourself as the cold atmosphere hit you. 

   Heechul pulled you to the side gently and stared at you like a mother would look at her child when she’s angry. 

   You raised your brow. “What??”

   “Why are you outside drinking in the middle of the week? And who was that guy you were drinking with?!”

   “One question at a time!” you poked his chest. “I was trying to forget!”

   “Forget what?” 

   “You”, you let out a hiccup.

   “Me?” he looked dumbfounded.

   “Yeah you!” you yelled drunkly. “I saw you kiss some girl and I had to get that image out of my head. So that nice young man bought me drinks.”

   “What? Why would you need to get an image of me out of your head?”

   “Not an image of you, you dummy”, you giggled lightly. “An image of you kissing another girl!”

   Even in your drunken state, you could see Heechul being puzzled, so you rolled your eyes.

   “I don’t want to see you kiss other girls!” you tried to steady yourself. “Because I like you!”

   Heechul’s eyes widened in shock, not expecting you to say that. He stared at you unblinking for a good ten seconds.

   “What?!” you raised your voice. “I like you, Kim Heechul! I always have.”

   He still kept staring at you in silence, no doubt trying to process what you just had told him. You knew you had just confessed your feelings for him, but because of the alcohol in your system, you didn’t care.

   “You’re drunk”, Heechul placed his hands on your shoulders to support you as you seemed like you were about to fall any minute now. “I’ll take you home.”

   When you felt his touch on you, a sudden a wave of rage rose inside you and you pushed Heechul aside, facing him. You didn’t seem so drunk anymore as you glared at the man in front of you.

   “Did you not hear me?!” you shouted. “I love you Heechul... I love you!”

   “Aish, keep it down!” Heechul looked around him as some people were staring at the two of you.

   “No! When will you understand that I love you and only you?” You could feel as the tears were forming in your eyes while you poured your heart out.

   The man you loved stood there, quiet. You kept your eyes on him, waiting for him to speak, but he didn’t.

   “Say something!”

   “I... you... You are my friend, I...” Heechul spoke softly, but he couldn’t form any clear sentences. He ran his fingers through his hair as he tried to come up with words.

   “No. I get it”, you turned around so your back was on him. You didn’t want him to see you cry. You bit your lip harshly so your voice wouldn’t crack. “You don’t feel the same way. I’m sorry I said anything. Bye.”

   You let the tears flow as you began running to the direction of your apartment, leaving Heechul by himself.

   “Hey! Wait!” he tried to call for you, but you had already ran too far. Heechul shouted out in frustration, punching the wall next to him. He ignored the growing pain in his knuckles, not even caring if there was a bruise there somewhere. He turned to look over at your direction until your figure was completely out of his sight. He sighed deeply while he ran his slender fingers through his hair, now staring down to nothing.

   “But I...” 

   “I love you too.”