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eruden-writes · 3 years

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NSFW Content and Minors

Some backstory on me: I was in a toxic-friendship-turned-domestically-abusive-relationship with someone 2 years older than me. I met him online at 15/16 through a mutual friend, we started dating when I was 18. In 2010, when I was 20, he went to prison for possession of child sex abuse images, aka child porn.

I had no clue he was doing this until the FBI raided our apartment.

He got out in 2015 and sought - and is still seeking - visitation with the child I was pregnant with when he went into prison. (Meaning he’s never had unfettered access nor has raised this child of mine.)

That said, this is a sensitive topic for me that I have put a lot of thought into over the years.

The tl;dr

The onus of access to NSFW content is on adult creators. If you want to make absolutely sure minors cannot easily access your content, put it behind a paywall.

Different NSFW content has different laws in the US and different moral aspects to consider.

Adults creating NSFW content for a fandom, whose core demographic is minors, are the ones encroaching on a minor space.

There’s a difference between NSFW content depicting consenting adults in healthy relationships vs NSFW content depicting toxic relationships, pedophilia, and/or violent scenes.

My own target demographic IS NOT minors. I don’t want interaction - follows, reblogs, asks, etc - from minors, but I don’t care if they passively read my work. If I get concerned that minors are interacting with me on this blog, I will block blogs.

This post is not to dictate other creators’ boundaries, but shine a light on how nuanced and complex this topic can be. You do what you feel comfortable with.

Minors, please respect creators’ boundaries.

If you have a problem with any of this, I suggest you read below the cut before engaging with me.

First and foremost:

The onus of access to NSFW content is on adult creators.

You willingly put your content on a platform minors have easy access to. Plus, you’re the adult. Responsibility is on you.

It’s a hard pill to swallow, especially since a lot of the older generation of adults didn’t take responsibility like this in the early days of the Internet. But, we should.

If you’re worried what you’re creating is going to harm minors or get you in trouble, put it behind a paywall.

(I personally have problems with adults creating NSFW art or writing involving canonically minor-aged characters from fandoms. I don’t think adult creators should be doing it, but that’s seen as a draconian mindset. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ )

Not all NSFW content is created equal.

NSFW content is highly variable. Pornography, NSFW art, NSFW written content, adult roleplays, and NSFW fandom content each have different things to consider.

Providing pornography - video or photos of NSFW content of adults - to minors is illegal in the US. Furthermore, there’s a litany of problems in pornography alone, from derogatory slurs being used for categories to revenge porn to professional productions mistreating their workers to how not-realistic porn can actually be. It can screw with someone’s perception of what sex is if they interact with it too often and from a young age.

Laws against child sex abuse imagery (child porn) are generally limited to actual photographs or video of said content. I believe this includes manipulated images of minors, as well. Not 100% sure, though. It might vary from case-to-case and court-to-court.

Drawn NSFW content involving minor-aged characters (original or fandom) is a legal grey zone in the US, last I read.

I’ve heard of someone getting in trouble for having hentai that involved underage characters, but they were also in trouble for actual photos/videos of child sex abuse. However, there is so much of NSFW content involving minor-aged characters out there, I doubt artists are often legally challenged on this and, if they are, they can easily say “I aged them up.”

I’m not condoning this, I just know the excuses since I’ve argued against this before.

I, personally, do not think adults should be creating NSFW art or writing involving minor-aged characters, particularly in fandoms where the source is specifically created for minors.

(Which, BTW, if you’re creating NSFW fandom content for source material that is specifically minors - like My Hero Academia, My Little Pony, etc - you are encroaching on a minor-filled space with your NSFW content. Minors are not encroaching on your NSFW space. The fandom was specifically created with minors in mind, adults brought the NSFW in.)

If adult creators are going to create content like that, put it behind a paywall. That’s the best way to limit minor-aged access to it.

If you’re doing NSFW roleplay, just make sure your partner isn’t a minor or the characters aren’t underage. If your partner is a minor, you’d be tailoring NSFW content to them, which is gross and illegal in the US.

Written NSFW content varies so much. From abstract sex scenes to explicit, pretty much most of it is accessible to minors in a bookstore or thrift stores that sell books. When I was a minor, I even read vague sex scenes the YA section of my local library. (Which also meant a publishing company published the YA sex scene.)

Also, the point of the story matters; is it only for sexual gratification or is the sex a simple part of a larger story?

Seriously, not all NSFW content is created equal.

Context and content is super important!

It’s natural for minors - specifically teenagers - to be curious about sexual content. Especially in the US where our sexual education is painfully lacking. If teens feel like something is being hidden from them, they often seek it out.

Furthermore, what a parent constitutes as inappropriate for their own child(ren) varies from parent to parent.

I’m a sex-positive parent. If my kids ask, I explain sex or sex acts to them in a straightforward and age-appropriate way. I’d rather be the one to explain it to them than have them pop a term into Google.

Some parents are strictly against anything sex-related, including gender and orientation discussions.

Which means parental blocks can be super strict and include things that my partner and I think are fine for our kids to see. Such as LGBTQ+ content.

(Also, there are book bans happening in schools right now, specifically targeting authors of color, stories involving racism, and stories involving queerness. Often under the guise of “save the children” by conservative parents/organizations.)

That said, if my teenage kid seeks out NSFW content, I feel that’s to be expected. I have no problem with them finding or seeking out healthy depictions between two or more consenting adults.

HOWEVER, it’s when the NSFW content involves minors with adults, depicts unhealthy relationships, or violent scenes that it becomes a problem. And there is a lot of this sort of NSFW content out there.

I don’t want pedophilic, toxic relationships, or violence in sex being normalized or romanticized to my kids. That’s why it’s my job to discuss those topics and steer my kids away from that content, if they stumble into it.

This is why I, as a parent, am open about sex talk so my kids can come to me with questions or concerns. I even discuss shipping to help my kids understand. (EX: Why Aizawa from My Hero Academia being paired with any current students is pedophilic and not OK. This is a legit convo we’ve had. Though my kids thought the pairing was gross to begin with. lol)

That said, I’d like adult creators to take care of where they post their work, what it normalizes/romanticizes, and who can - wittingly or unwittingly - gain access to it.

As for my content...

I don’t really care if minors read my writing or look at my art. (Not that I have much NSFW of the latter, I think.)

Minors are not my target demographic and I don’t want them directly interacting (following, reblogging, commenting, etc) with my NSFW work or me.

If I begin suspecting minors are interacting with me or this particular blog - not just passively reading my content - I will block blogs.

Likewise, if I create something with sensitive content I don’t think minors should have easy access to, I’ll put it behind a paywall.

ALSO, each creator is free to set their own boundaries. These are mine, if others have more stringent boundaries, then please abide by them.

This post is not justification for minors to ignore stated boundaries. Just a further explanation of how complicated this situation can be.

Additionally, Minors creating NSFW content.

Again, NSFW content is super varied.

If minors are posting NSFW photographs or videos, that can be construed as producing child sex abuse imagery (or imagery for child exploitation.) I have heard of minors getting in legal trouble for this, specifically for sharing nudes with adults they were “in relationships” with. (Often pedophilic relationships where the adult had power over the minor.)

If you’re a minor, just don’t, OK? It’s for your safety, since your nudes/videos could be leaked against your consent to sites and they’ll be out there forever for pedophiles to exploit.

If minors are drawing or writing NSFW content, that is more complicated. Teenagers have always drawn or written NSFW content in decades past. (We even have jokes about this, like Tina Belcher’s “erotic friend fiction.”)

They just never had access to share it with a huge audience before the Internet.

The problem isn’t them creating it. It’s the potentiality of a minor being used by an adult, via sharing this content. We should keep teenagers safe so they can explore this aspect of life through relatively safe means via art or writing.

I personally do not think teenagers should be creating content with minor-aged characters, but most creators want to make stories that mirror their lives in some way, so... ugh. It’s really hard to tell a 16-year-old to not write about 16-year-olds.

HOWEVER, if you’re an adult and you know the creator of the NSFW content is a minor, stop interacting with them. Do not commission, do not comment. Leave them alone.

And absolutely do not do NSFW roleplay with minors, if you are an adult.

#psa #minors dni #p.s.a.#I'm a big proponent of adult culpability #because I see a lot of adults trying to blame minors #not just on this topic but a lot of things irl #like murder or -seducing- grown ass adults #no joke #Just because adults of the past refused to take responsibility #doesn't mean we have to do the same

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thecloserkin · 2 years

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You made an offhand reference to "essays about sibling incest vs. the patriarchy" or somesuch and I realize you probably don't actually have an itemized list but uh I would love to read all your thoughts on this.

Of course! I think most of my thoughts on the subject are in this review of a Dorothy Wordsworth biography (hang with me through the Crimson Peak rant, it's topical I promise). A while ago an anon sent me a heads up that this book might be relevant to my interests, and indeed it was; the broad strokes of its thesis are shockingly similar to the Wordsworth biography: historically women haven't lived in societies where they chose their own partners. Their families chose partners for them. Women were the glue that held men's relationships together. Well, incest was one way that women could carve out some agency for themselves in this transaction. Instead of being passed around like a sack of potatoes they could--well they couldn't do anything directly but they could foment a potato boycott? this was a slipshod analogy and it shows lol but anyway the whole "incest as agency" angle was only available to a select echelon of aristocratic women sooooo not exactly a revolutionary solution. Very much a "work within the system for one's own personal advancement" solution rather than a "burn it all down" solution. Anyway I just finished the book (I linked it above, it's called Incest and Agency in Elizabeth's England) and it was juuuuuuust the sweet side of Too Academic For Me, just fyi.

While I have you here, on an unrelated note I want to give you some unsolicited fic recs lmao sorry i can't help it. I have a bundle here of some fics you can read fandomblind (i myself read them all fandomblind) and they're all "teenagers messing around" stories with a side of either “mutual pining” or "secret relationship" and they all have a happy ending! From my limited knowledge of you that seems like it would be your cup of tea:

A Kind of Merry War by blithers (Life With Derek, 37k) eh i mean is stepsibling incest realllyyy incest? probs not but the tension is unbearable

The Formula, or the Long Road to Nepal by shipcestuous (The Middle, 17k) a pitch-perfect confection of romcom tropes, very much in the do-i-want-to-murder-my-bratty-sibling-or-kiss-them genre

Things My Sister Had by searchingforperfection (this one’s on literotica so i don’t have a wordcount but the slowburn is excruciatingly good)

Slinkys, Stuffed Animals, and Thou by Vera_Dragonmuse (The Hobbit, 34k) eternal comfort read i always come back to. it’s outsider pov and it’s a Modern AU so lack of knowledge of canon shouldn’t hinder you.

instinct throned in reason’s place by alamorn (original fic, 5k) If you’re looking for a fantasy-historical setting this one makes outstanding use of the Uh-Oh A Wicked Interloper Is Trying to Supernaturally Seduce My Brother agenda

If you haven’t read Sylvia Townsend Warner’s “A Love Match“ please do, I never thought incest could be so wholesome! It’s a masterclass. The other recs were all teenager-centeric because once you move out of teenage-exploration territory the stories tend to end in tragedy but this one doesn’t!! This one is about grown ass adults growing old together and it added +5 years to my life.

#converse-with-air #asked and answered

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robininthelabyrinth · 4 years

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Now I want the story where NMJ is half war god and NHS is half fox spirit, thank you so much xD

based on this tumblr post and Lao Nie’s decision to refer to WRH as A-Han in this one ficlet

on ao3

Nie Zonghui had long ago suspected that his Sect Leader was a madman, but he didn’t really know it for certain until the first time he lost the man while on a bodyguarding mission – his first, and a great honor.

Supposedly.

“It’s all right,” his father said, looking long-suffering, when he reported back in distress. “He’s an adult, our sect leader, and this is a small city with no major threats in the middle of some idiosyncratic festival celebration for some goddess or another. How much damage can he really do before he sobers up?”

Nie Zonghui stared at his father, then turned to his mother, who was also staring at her husband with an expression of sincere incredulity.

“Lots,” she supplied. “Lots and lots and lots, and that’s assuming he doesn’t get himself killed in the meantime. Why would you even say that?”

“He’s our sect leader, have some respect.”

“I respect the boss bull of the herd, too, but it doesn’t mean I let it go wandering around the fields wherever it pleases!” She shook her head, snorting in a manner not entirely unlike a bull herself. “Well, if we’re very lucky, maybe our cousin will knock up a cow while he’s out and about rather than just breaking things. We could use a direct heir already; he’s not getting any younger.”

“We could use him being properly married is what we could use. I don’t understand why he’s so resistant – ah, Zonghui, you’re still here? Go gather some cultivators and go look for him, but don’t kick up any fuss, and worry too much if you can’t find him at once. He’ll be back to business soon enough.”

He was, if by “soon enough” one meant “after nearly ten days” and by “back to business” one meant “still drunk off his ass and waxing rhapsodic about some girl he met and possibly married”.

“Yes, yes, I’m sure the sun shines out of her ass,” Nie Zonghui’s father said, his face stormy. “You still could’ve told us where you went. Look what you did to poor Zonghui, he’s been wearing down his heels pacing in worry over you!”

“Oh, heels, yes, did I mention that my gorgeous goddess had amazing legs, too?” their sect leader asked with a soppy smile and stars in his eyes, totally uninterested in any of their petty complaints. “She could kill a man with them – oh, but I would die a happy man between those thighs…!”

“Zonghui, go guard the outside door,” his mother told him. “Also, tell his younger sister that she might need to be sect leader sooner than she’d hoped, because I’m going to murder this fucking –”

Nie Zonghui was there, too, when ten months later his new little baby cousin was (metaphorically) ditched on their doorstep.

The entire thing was entirely too dramatic for his taste, and yes, he was aware that as a person who chose to dual wield sabers he had very little room to criticize others for being overly dramatic, however correct he might be.

They had been fighting bandits – barely disguised mercenaries, really, probably paid off by the Wen sect to harass them – in what had turned into a particularly bad situation. Three separate regiments had joined together to take advantage of a terrible thunderstorm and ambush them at all once and them with their backs against a raging river, swollen with rain to the precipice of flooding, with no way to retreat except by fleeing on their sabers, abandoning the common people they were protecting and losing all face.

The sect leader had been raging on the battlefield, saber in hand, but even he had seen that they would need to shortly choose between death and dishonor; Nie Zonghui, close by his side, had seen how his face was split with a terrible scowl as he wracked his brain for more options.

Then there had been a terrible roar of thunder, and then a flash of light that had blinded them all.

Nie Zonghui had immediately noted the anomality of it, thunder first and lightning second, and wondered it if it was some sort of array working against them, especially when the light had not faded away but grown brighter, causing searing pain in his eyes that made him fall and clutch at his face. But he was a good soldier, loyal and true, and he forced his eyes open to squint into the night, looking to see he did not know what.

Through his sun-blindness, he vaguely thought he could see a silhouette not unlike that of a woman, ten feet tall and radiant as the sun, wearing a dress of nine colors and carrying a guandao in her hand that seemed to reach the clouds, but when he blinked again he saw nothing at all.

Or, well, he did see something: all of their enemies were headless, no matter where on the battlefield they were, their bodies dropping like a loosened string of coins where they had been standing and splattering anyone they were fighting with blood as they gawped at the sudden corpses.

Also, the sect leader was suddenly holding something in his arms when he hadn’t been before.

“What’s that?” Nie Zonghui asked, and the sect leader turned towards him. Nie Zonghui squinted, and suddenly wondered if this entire battle had been a very bad dream. “…is that a baby?”

“Yes,” the sect leader said, grinning broadly. “He’s my son!”

“He’s your what,” Nie Zonghui said.

“My son! I didn’t know about him, of course – apparently he came as something of a surprise to her as well – but anyway she thought that it would be more appropriate for me to raise him, all things considered. A baby doesn’t quite fit her lifestyle. What do you think of ‘Mingjue’ as a courtesy name? Good, yes?”

Nie Zonghui suddenly understood why his parents were always cursing all the time.

“I don’t see why I need another wife,” the sect leader said. “I already have a son.”

“Don’t you want to give said son a mother?” Nie Zonghui’s mother asked, her arms crossed. “One that isn’t the Dark Lady of the Nine Heavens, the war goddess you somehow managed to knock up without getting killed?”

“She never specified that she was –”

“Someone needs to be Nie-furen,” the sect leader’s younger sister interrupted, “because I am sick and tired of doing the job, and it’s a little difficult to ask a goddess to do it. So you are going to find yourself another one that’s a little closer to the ground this time, you understand me?”

The sect leader nodded and agreed, which was universally agreed upon to be the only appropriate reaction when his beloved meimei said something in that particular tone of voice.

(He did, after a suitable period of time, state that he wanted to make clear that there was no actual evidence that he had knocked up Jiutian Xuannü and that it was quite plausible that the mother of his heir was nothing more than a rogue cultivator of particular strength and possibility even immortality. If Baosan Sanren had managed it, why not someone else?)

At any rate, they brought him several pictures of women that might fit the bill and who would not be too offended at being asked to be a secondary wife – their sect leader swore up and down that he had performed bows with the mother of his first son, rendering him legitimate, and anyway no one was in the mood to see if the maybe-a-goddess would take offense to someone calling her child a bastard – but none seemed to catch their sect leader’s interest.

“Consider visiting a few brothels,” Nie Zonghui’s great-uncle suggested. “Anything to get you back in the habit of thinking about women of a less divine nature – though of course we’d prefer that she be literate.”

The sect leader scowled and stalked off to go night-hunting instead.

“I don’t like brothels,” he said to Nie Zonghui as they made their way through an especially deserted mountain valley in search of something that had murdered all the local mensfolk in the surrounding villages with especial viciousness. “Surely there’s an option in between.”

Nie Zonghui preferred his sabers to either men or women, but he obediently wracked his brain to think of where people in stories and famous songs found their wives. “Innkeeper’s daughters?” he finally suggested.

“Don’t be ridiculous,” the sect leader scoffed, but the very next day, he decided to break his usual habit of staying out in the wild no matter the weather in favor of taking shelter from the encroaching storm in a small inn right at the base of an especially lonesome and nasty-looking cliff.

“We’re always happy to have guests,” the innkeeper said with a somewhat sinister smile – he was pale as a ghost in the guttering candlelight, and his lips looked very red. “My daughter will show you to your rooms.”

The daughter in question was inhumanly beautiful: small and graceful, with a fox’s face and dark hair that fell to her knees.

“Wow,” the sect leader said, staring at her. “You know, I think you could kill me with those nails of yours.”

Nie Zonghui took a look and agreed with the sentiment, seeing that her nails were as long as claws and looked just as sharp, but apparently he and the sect leader had somewhat different interpretations of this sequence of events and plans on how to address it.

Namely, Nie Zonghui pointed out that the lady was obviously some sort of yao or maybe a gui and that she was probably the one seducing the local mensfolk, draining their yang energy and then slaughtering them, and therefore that it was undoubtedly their duty as cultivators – and cultivators of the Nie sect in particular – to put an end to her vile deeds through the swift application of their sabers. Furthermore, he explained, they should take care never to allow themselves to be alone with her in the process, lest she seek to entrance them with her seductive magics and lure them to their undoubtedly violent deaths.

The sect leader’s rebuttal to this line of logic was limited to “I’m the sect leader and if I want to bang the probably-a-ghost, I’m going to bang the ghost and there’s nothing you can do to stop me”.

Amazingly enough, the sect leader did not end up dead the next day – the innkeeper looked just as surprised as Nie Zonghui felt – and instead announced, very happily, that he was planning on marrying her.

“You what,” the innkeeper said, staring at his very smug-looking ‘daughter’. In light of dawn, she was wearing a dress of many colors with a foxfur ruff, and her beauty was almost painful to behold.

“You why,” Nie Zonghui moaned.

“You shut up,” the sect leader told him. “I’ll have you know that my lady here is very clever, literate and well-learned, and she doesn’t at all mind being the second wife. Weren’t you one of the ones on my case about getting a Nie-furen to help managing things back home?”

“I didn’t think we needed to specify that the person in question didn’t murder a lot of people!”

“Isn’t his first wife supposedly a war goddess?” the lady inquired, her clever eyes dancing in amusement.

“Well…yes…”

“Also, all those men deserved it,” she said. After a brief pause, she added, “In my opinion as a totally unrelated observer, of course.”

“See?” the sect leader said, putting his arm around her waist. “No problem. Anyway, she’ll stick to killing bad people from now on, it’s fine.”

The lady smiled. There were many teeth in that smile, and they were very sharp.

“If she doesn’t, I’ll have my first wife discipline her,” the sect leader added and her smile abruptly disappeared.

Nie Zonghui coughed into his hand, but reluctantly admitted that maybe this wouldn’t turn out to be as bad as all that.

“Huaisang is a lovely name,” Nie Zonghui’s mother said, being the best of them at diplomacy when she put her mind to it, although admittedly it was something she did only very rarely. “I think we were just expecting something a little different, that’s all.”

“Possibly something a little more fox related,” Nie Zonghui’s father said.

“Please,” the sect leader’s second wife said. “That would be gauche.”

They looked at her.

“…all of my suggestions along those lines got rejected,” she admitted, and glared at the small shrine in the corner as if it had personally wronged her. In this context, it very well might have.

“Is there anything we should keep an eye out for?” Nie Zonghui said, watching his little cousin carry around his even littler cousin under his arm as if he were a sack of potatoes and not a baby that hadn’t yet had its first month celebration. He would have interfered but for the fact that little Nie Huaisang seemed to be notably more in control of his various limbs than the usual infant. “A tail, for instance?”

“Oh, no,” the second lady said. “Nothing like that.”

“Great,” Nie Zonghui said. “I’m glad to hear it.”

“It’s very rare for fox children to achieve a grand plot worthy of a tail in their first lifetime.” A pause. “From what I understand, that is.”

“Great,” Nie Zonghui said. “…great.”

“You’ll take good care of him when I’m gone, won’t you?” she asked, and when they all looked at her, smiled. “Not for another year or two, don’t worry, but I really can’t stay here that long. Sometimes, a girl’s got urges she has to take care of.”

“The sort of urges where we’d need to hunt down a mysteriously appearing fox yao for having murdered a lot of people?”

“I already promised to stop killing people,” she said sulkily. “Although I do think I made some plausible arguments in favor of a little bit of entirely justified murder in connection with the Jin sect and maybe the Lan sect and, oh, the Jiang sect –”

“Please don’t.”

“It’s not my fault your Great Sects are all headed by men who wrong women.”

“You’re not wrong,” Nie Zonghui’s mother said, and Nie Zonghui’s father looked alarmed. “But still, don’t.”

“You’re such spoilsports. But no, as it happens, it’s getting to that time when I need to return home for a while to pay my respects to the older generation.”

“How often does that happen?” Nie Zonghui’s father asked. “Once a century?”

“A gentleman shouldn’t ask a lady her age,” she sniffed. “At any rate, my family home is rather far away and they’re fairly insular, so I’ll probably be gone for at least a decade or so. I’d take the baby with me, but, well, you know, long travel and all. He’s better off sticking with his father.”

“All right,” Nie Zonghui’s mother said. “We understand, and we’ll help take care of him as best we can.”

“I’m glad.”

“We have only one thing to ask of you in return.”

Their second lady arched her delicate eyebrows.

Nie Zonghui’s mother smiled. “You be the one to tell your sister-in-law that you’re leaving your post.”

“…you know, on second thought, maybe I can push my departure out a few more years…”

“Before you say anything, I want to be clear right now that I don’t need a third wife,” their sect leader said. “I’m fine.”

“Sect Leader,” Nie Zonghui’s mother said, not unaffectionately. “You’re not allowed a third wife.”

“And therefore – wait, really?” he asked, a little skeptically. “You’re not concerned about me?”

“Oh, we’re very concerned about you,” Nie Zonghui’s father said. “But not in that specific respect. Some celibacy would probably be good for you, at least in terms of increasing your life expectancy.”

“…my sister is lying in wait with a cleaver to make sure she doesn’t have to take on the duties of Nie-furen again, isn’t she.”

“I’m not discounting that possibility, but don’t worry about it, it’s fine, we’ll talk to her. The Lan sect haven’t had a proper hostess in years either, we can just say we’re following their example.”

The sect leader eyed his cousins beadily. “They haven’t had a proper sect leader in years, either.”

“No, you don’t say,” Nie Zonghui’s mother said dryly. “What a coincidence -”

“You have two fine sons,” Nie Zonghui’s father said hastily. “That seems like enough, really.”

“You don’t think they need a mother…?”

“Sect Leader,” Nie Zonghui interjected politely. “While we admit that it may be within your capabilities to be able to find a mother willing to deal with one step-son who has been waiving around a saber taller than he is since he learned to walk and has a penchant for the unyielding, unmerciful and very violent application of the norms of divine justice –”

Nie Mingjue’s presence bolstered the spirit of good men, while his gaze seemed to make evildoers itch. He was the most earnestly good person Nie Zonghui had ever met, and also one of the most stiff and unbending in respect to what he believed should and should not be done.

Unfortunate that his standards didn’t seem to match up to the needs of either human law or diplomacy…

“– as well as another who can scheme circles around anyone and persuade them of anything as long as he puts his mind to it and only doesn’t because he’s too busy lazing around in the sun to bother –”

Nie Huaisang liked to file his nails down to something that looked quite normal, but they grew sharp quickly enough if he wasn’t paying attention, and he had a penchant for pranks. There was nothing quite as unnerving as running into a sudden and unexpected ambush and then suddenly hearing the shrill peal of a fox’s laughter, hidden behind a scholarly fan.

“– but all things considered, we’d really rather you - didn’t.”

His mother and father nodded fervently.

“Good,” the sect leader said, though he still looked suspiciously at them as if he thought they were hiding something. “Good. As long as we’re agreed.”

Nie Zonghui walked in on his sect leader pinning the Wen sect leader to a wall, murmuring something in a low voice with a very particular smile on his face, and then he turned around and walked right back out again.

The sect leader of the Wen sect might appear beautiful and young, but he was at least a generation older than the Nie sect leader. Not that that had stopped the latter from relying on their respective positions to refer to him in startlingly intimate terms – my dear A-Han, the sect leader would say with a touch of wickedness that reminded one of his second son and the tiger gall bravery of his first – and while at first the Wen sect leader had taken it as a challenge to his authority, an act of brash insolence, it appeared that they had progressed beyond that.

That the Wen sect leader already had three wives and two concubines apparently didn’t present any obstacles either – except perhaps in what those poor women might have to endure from their husband when he returned from the wretched teasing he was enduring. Nie Zonghui felt a bit of pity for them.

Shortly thereafter, he felt a bit of pity for himself. The Wen sect had long dreamed of dominating the cultivation world and sought to increase their influence with the other sects through underhanded means, with the Nie sect opposing them at every turn. Even if war was not on the immediate horizon, the wise could smell its distant approach in the air - the best estimates said that it would take another decade or two to arrive, unless the Nie sect leader took an especially hard stance.

It appeared, however, that the Nie sect leader had chosen to take a different sort of…hard stance.

Ugh.

Maybe Nie Zonghui could conspire to throw his sect leader into a cage with a live tiger in heat next time he felt in the mood. It’d probably be less dangerous.

Nie Zonghui had assumed that the first person to talk to him about what he had seen would be his sect leader, even if it was only to remind him of the general rule that the sect leader had ultimate power and therefore could exercise his own bad judgment in deciding to fuck whoever he wished, but instead it was the Wen sect leader that found him later that afternoon.

A flush had yet to fully fade from his cheeks, and Nie Zonghui raised his eyes to the ceiling to avoid looking directly at the man in front of him.

He did not want to know. Others might, given that no one had ever complained about the looks of either party, but he himself had realized long ago that he had no interest in matters of the flesh under any circumstances; he was very content with that conclusion.

“Is there some service this one can provide to Sect Leader Wen?” he asked politely, and it was only when the sect leader flushed again that he realized belatedly that his words could be misconstrued. After all, his own sect leader had probably already made a similar offer regarding the provision of services…

“Your sect leader has a sister, doesn’t he?” the other man asked, his voice tight and his hands in even tighter fists. “I’m not misremembering that?”

“He does,” Nie Zonghui responded honestly, and not without sympathy for the Wen sect leader’s position. He was given to understand that making certain belated discoveries regarding one’s own preferences could be highly disconcerting, particularly later in life. “But she’s rather different in kind than what you may be thinking, so it won’t work out that way. It wouldn’t work even if she wasn’t already married, which she is.”

After a moment of thought, he added, “Also, consider your predecessors.”

The Wen sect leader’s eyes narrowed.

Really, it was the sect leader’s own damn fault that he got himself murdered.

#mdzs #lao nie #nie zonghui #madame nie 1 and 2 #wen ruohan #my fic #my fics #the alternate name of this fic was #a goddess a yao and a tyrant walk into a bar to bitch about their boyfriend #but I refrained #atwitchofthewrist

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zalrb · 3 years

Note

Hi! How would you rank these ships in order of least toxic to most toxic?! Delena, Spuffy, Ross/Rachel, Rory/Jess, Chuck/Blair. Thank you!

I don't think Delena and Spuffy can be put in the same context as the others because actual murder is involved.

And with regards to Delena and Spuffy I don't think it's a matter of which ship is less toxic, I think that for the most part, the narrative doesn't romanticize Spuffy's framing (the fandom does) while TVD does with Delena and that's the major difference.

Out of Ross/Rachel, Chuck/Blair, Rory/Jess, I would say that Rory and Jess are probably the least toxic and that's mostly because they weren't together long enough to get worse than they already were because we were already having these moments

But with Ross and Rachel, I mean again, context should be noted and for FRIENDS, the context is that this is a comedy and certain things were played for laughs, that being said, Ross and Rachel were grown ass adults, which makes their behaviour more deplorable.

Rachel consistently tries to sabotage Ross’ new relationships.

She manipulates Bonnie into shaving off her head so Ross won't be attracted to her

and purposefully tells Phoebe the wrong celebrity name to botch Julie’s haircut

she also attempts to stop Julie and Ross from having sex

she goes to England for the sole purpose of sabotaging his wedding to Emily and even though she ultimately decides to say ‘congratulations’, when he does say her name and his marriage to Emily is compromised, she has no understanding for Emily’s concerns, she tells Ross she loves him while he’s still technically married to Emily,

and when he’s divorced she judges him

She admits to Monica that she and Ross broke up and then claims that he cheated on her (and she could still be angry and hurt and betrayed considering that very night he went out and slept with someone else without having to turn him into a cheater)

which kind of continues when she insists she didn’t seduce Ross the night they conceived Emma even though she did

Everyone knows what’s wrong with Ross, he’s possessive and jealous (and I have to say that was an opportunity for growth because Ross explains where his insecurity comes from, which is that Carol met Susan and then eventually fell in love with her and instead of that being something he could deal with and develop from it just becomes a characteristic of the latter part of their relationship in season 3)

he lies about the annulment

and then there’s the constant arguing

That being said Chuck and Blair are probably the most toxic and that’s also because they’re not exactly supposed to be healthy

and they weren’t from their inception either, that was what made them entertaining, Chuck doesn’t know what to do with his feelings so he blackmails Blair

as an indication of his love

and tears her down because he can’t handle the feelings

like that’s a lot.

And also, I mean all I really have to say is the hotel? Like the argument is that Blair went there herself and that Blair had done things like manipulate Chuck into kissing someone for her own benefit instead of just asking him (which is another indicator that they’re toxic i’m not putting it ALL on chuck)

but Chuck manipulated Blair into thinking this was the only way to help him

and then shamed her

and gaslit her when she’s upset about it

and he did this with Jack who had attempted to rape Lily the season before (I mean Chuck also attempted to rape Jenny, so there’s that)

and just you know

and for as much as Blair says that she was happy with Chuck, we also get

sooooooooo I would say they take the cake.

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carmenlire · 4 years

Text

Perfect Crime

Part 6 of the Mafia AU series

read on ao3

Alec is acting weird.

Jace watches his brother as he reads something on his phone, sees the little smile that curls around the edges of his mouth, the way the lines of tension bleed out of his shoulders for the few heartbeats it takes to type a reply to whatever was on the screen.

Trying to remember the last time Alec looked so free takes more effort than Jace would like to admit. Definitely before Robert was murdered and certainly before Alec earned his own first kill. That was over three years ago now and the truth is, Jace has become used to Alec’s constant frowning, to his surly attitude and the way he’s grown into himself since he became the leader of one of the biggest crime syndicates in New York.

Alec’s come into his own. It fills Jace with equal parts pride and worry to see the way Alec no longer seems to shrink when talking to his men but instead stands tall and uncompromising as he gives orders with every confidence that they’ll be carried out to the letter.

He makes decisions and they are right far more often than not. His punishments are meted out swiftly and without remorse and Jace has lost count of how many men Alec has killed.

There’s so much blood on his own hands, too, that Jace knows will never wash away.

Things are different lately, though. Alec Lightwood, self-professed workaholic, has started disappearing a couple times a week. An hour here, an afternoon there, and when Jace looks at his brother’s calendar, all he sees is a time written in his messy scrawl.

No place, no clue as to who he’s meeting. Just a block of time that Alec is otherwise occupied.

Now, Jace would like to think that he’s a great brother, an even better second in command. While he doesn’t go around advertising it, he also considers himself a great people person in all the ways that helps him carry out his job and keep Alec on an even keel.

If Jace didn’t know better, he’d think Alec has found someone else to temper his edges.

When he thinks about it, it’s both appallingly obvious and obviously appalling. Alec hasn’t shown an interest in anyone ever. There have never been schoolboy crushes, lingering looks, wrinkled shirts or faded marks or other dead giveaways. The thought that his brother had managed to find someone for himself now of all times, when he’s working sixteen hour days and is far more used to the shadows than the light makes Jace want to shake himself for entertaining such foolish thoughts.

But then he reconsiders. He thinks about the way Alec’s been carrying himself lately, with a confidence and light that he’s never seen before. There are his disappearances that he never mentions or even alludes too-- Jace wouldn’t have even noticed probably if he hadn’t gone looking for Alec one afternoon and hadn’t been able to find him.

He hadn’t been at any of his usual haunts-- nowhere at the gym-turned-headquarters, not his favorite coffeeshop, nor at the apartment he’d renovated but rarely slept at. Jace had just about been ready to call in reinforcements, sure that his brother had been kidnapped, when the bastard had waltzed into his office, loose-limbed and looking without a care in the world.

Alec hadn’t mentioned where he’d been, just waved off Jace’s concern with frankly insulting blitheness. Still, Jace had been stunned when his brother, the most stoic Lightwood, had started humming as he reviewed evidence that one of their dealers had gone turncoat for a police precinct on the edge of their territory.

All of which brings Jace to now. Standing outside Alec’s office door, he overhears his brother on a phone call that sounds the furthest thing from business. He’s never been so grateful that Alec prefers to keep his door ajar most of the time because it allows him to hover just close enough to hear his brother sound decidedly enamored.

“Are we still on for tonight,” Alec asks in what, if Jace didn’t know better, he’d define as a flirty tone. He stares gobsmacked at the mostly closed door. When the fuck had Alec developed a flirty tone?

He doesn’t hear what the person on the other end of the line says before Alec’s sighing. It’s not one of his annoyed sighs, though, oh no. It’s one that speaks volumes despite its brevity. It’s the exhalation of stress and tension, like he’s taking his first deep breath of the day and it’s all due to who he’s talking to.

Jace is both curious and wary.

“I’ve never had Ethiopian before,” Alec muses. “You’ll have to let me know what’s good.”

A short pause before Alec’s laughing and it’s not a polite thing. It’s full bodied and completely free. “Get your mind out of the gutter, babe. I’m actually starving and I refuse to let you seduce me before I get food. Not again.”

A softer laugh, a quieter voice, so low that Jace leans closer to the door to hear the words. “Of course I had a good time. I always have a good time with you” His tone turns dry. “That’s not the point. The point is that I have a very healthy appetite-- ruling half the city’s underworld does that to a guy-- and I feel like I could eat an entire restaurant right now.”

A breathless laugh, more fond than anything and then Alec’s replying, “You’re incorrigible.”

It’s just seconds later that they’re saying their goodbyes and Jace straightens as he runs through everything he just heard. Alec called the person on the phone babe. There was a particular kind of softness that Jace hasn’t heard from his brother in years, if ever.

Now, Jace knows Alec is an adult and is entitled to both his privacy and his own judgement. Still, he can’t deny an overwhelming urge to know who’s caught Alec’s attention in such a way. It may be over-protectiveness, it might be his own arrogance in thinking-- knowing-- that he knows Alec’s best interests but he need to check out the situation, make sure Alec isn’t making a mistake, that the person on the other end of the phone is worthy of his brother and best friend and leader, who’s deserving himself of only the best.

With that in mind, Jace runs a hand through his hair, regroups, and pushes open the office door to saunter into Alec’s office.

“Hey bro, what’s up?”

Alec just levels him with a look. “Same old shit, different day. I am thinking of expanding our lines on the Eastern front, though. Thoughts?”

Jace mulls over that little tidbit of information, thinking over their options and potential gains compared to disadvantages. “Disanto isn’t going to go away without a fight,” is what he finally offers.

Meaning back in his chair, Alec folds his hands over his stomach and when he grins, it’s wolfish. “I think he’ll lose most of his bravado when all of his men defect.”

Now that information has Jace standing straighter, eyebrows high. “What the fuck does that mean?”

Looking like the cat who’s caught the canary, Alec replies, “I’ve been in talks with a few of his people. One of his men came to me awhile ago and talked about how the boss is losing it. They think it’s a combination of early onset dementia and Disanto just being a greedy bastard. He’s started skimping on paying his men and when they get a haul, he’s taking double his agreed upon share. There’s also rumours that he’s entering deals that none of his men want anything to do with and that he’s turning a blind eye to some abuse his girls are getting, just so he doesn’t piss off his biggest dealers. Something needs to be done and his men have persuaded me that I’m that something.”

It’s silent in the room as Jace takes his time to digest everything. Taking a seat across from Alec, Jace is surprised that Alec had even entertained people from a rival organization before he realizes that he should have known better. Alec’s always been a gossip and in their line of work, things often hinge on a nugget of information revealed at the right time.

“And you’re sure they’re not just setting you up for a coup of their own?”

Alec smiles but it doesn’t reach his eyes. “I’ve confirmed what they’ve told me independently and Jace--” he blows out a frustrated breath. “Things are a shitshow over there. He’s lost the trust and respect of everyone and the only reason they haven’t ended him alone is because the entire head needs to be cut off and they don’t have a suitable replacement they can agree on.”

Jace raises a skeptical brow. “But they all agree on an outsider? They all think you’re the answer to their problems?”

Shrugging, Alec only offers, “We’re the second biggest organization in the city and if we take over their operations, we’d be damned close to first. I have a reputation for being fair but brutal and it sounds like they need both a firm hand and someone they can look up to. For whatever reason, that seems to be me.”

It makes sense but that just leads to another question. “Why not go to the biggest syndicate then? Directly to the best? Why didn’t they consider Bane?”

Humming a little, Alec considers the question before simply saying, “He wasn’t interested. Apparently, he has his hands full enough and he wasn’t interested in retraining another faction to his specifications. I think he’s expanding his business interests and it’s taking most of his attention right now.”

Jace laughs a little and it borders on a scoff. “Where did you hear that? You know they like to keep their cards close to the vest.”

“You know I have my ways, Jace.”

Deciding he’s had enough with Alec’s cryptic ass, Jace just shrugs before he stands. “I say go for it if you have the time to dedicate to turning them over. I’ll help with whatever you need, but you know this is an ambitious takeover that’ll fall on your shoulders the most. You’ve spent the past few years establishing yourself, Alec. I think you’re ready and Disanto’s value isn’t inconsiderable. Just let me know what to expect when the time comes.”

Alec nods and Jace can see the satisfied gleam in his eye. “We’ll be moving forward then. I expect we’ll start the first stage sometime next month, I’ll need to hold a formal meeting with all of my men and make sure we’re all in agreement and talk strategy with the defectors.”

“Sounds great, bro.” Now, a plan has been brewing during this conversation and Jace finds himself almost tripping over his words as he switches subjects. “Can I have the night off?”

He watches Alec frown in thought. “That was abrupt. Everything okay?”

“I just have a hot date tonight. I know it’s sudden but we just matched earlier and they seem eager, so. Who am I to deprive someone of all this?” Jace waves away his concern with shameless narcissism. It’s an easy enough deflection and Alec is used to it.

“Fine,” Alec answers before fixing him with a look. “You know you don’t have to ask permission, anyway. Your time is your own.”

Jace grins. “Never let it be said that I take advantage of my position.”

Rolling his eyes, Alec just glares halfheartedly. “Get out of my office. Enjoy your date and try not to be so fucking greasy while you’re on it. It’s the world’s biggest turnoff.”

Jace scoffs as he heads toward the door. With one hand on the handle, he gives Alec his best finger guns. “Wrong. My confidence is the sexiest thing about me.”

Alec rolls his eyes so hard Jace briefly worries they’ll get stuck that way. “Leave me alone. I fully intend not to hear from you until tomorrow.”

With a halfass wave, Jace leaves without saying anything else and puts his plan into motion.

This was not what Jace had expected when he’d overheard that phone call a few hours ago.

This being his brother, always so cold and clearheaded, out on the fucking town with one Magnus Bane.

Their biggest rival and all around considered to be New York’s biggest bastard.

Slumping from his tiny booth in the corner, Jace holds the menu up to his face as he covertly stares at his brother laugh and flirt and blush in the company of Bane. He still can’t wrap his head around the fact that the man who’s grabbed Alec’s attention isn’t a harmless librarian or nerdy professor but one of the most influential, dangerous people in the city.

Jace doesn’t think about how Alec would be considered just as dastardly in different company.

For god’s sake, they’re holding hands over the table. Though Jace is too far away to hear their conversation, he watches as Alec says something and if he didn’t know better, he’d say Bane is blushing himself in answer.

They’re at a simple restaurant, cozy and charming with delicious smells emanating from all around. Jace had almost gagged as he’d seen Magnus round the booth to sit next to Alec as he explained the menu in what looked to be far too much detail.

Jace’s plan had been simple enough: make Alec think he would be busy on his own for the night before doubling back and following his brother to his date at the Ethiopian place. Thankfully, Jace could be extremely discreet when the need arose and he knew Alec well enough to hide all of the usual tells his brother would be attuned with.

He’d expected to find someone quiet and intellectual, someone Alec could enjoy long silences or deep conversations with. He had not thought that Alec would be head over heels for someone so loud and refined and cunning.

Jace doesn’t know what to think.

He’s startled out of his thoughts as a waitress walks up to him and asks for his ordered. Having not even looked at the blasted thing since he’d been seated, Jace’s dazed eyes scan over the menu quickly before ordering the first thing that registers. The waitress leaves quickly and Jace turns his attention back to the sickening scene in front of him.

Alec is laughing and looks so carefree-- more so than Jace thinks he’s looked since he was a kid. As he watches the two of them on a date, in their own little world, Jace wonders if it doesn’t make a kind of sense.

Suddenly, a lot of things make sense.

He remembers a few months ago when Alec really had been kidnapped, when Jace had arrived to one of Aldertree’s warehouses frantic and ready for blood only to find his brother not unscathed but whole enough.

So clearly, he remembers thinking how extraordinary it had been for Alec to have killed all the men and escape with a few busted ribs and a minor concussion. He remembers the shiver that had trailed up his spine as Alec had walked to the car, when Jace had taken in the carnage and felt eyes on him, the eerie whistling that he’d told himself was his mind playing tricks on him after the adrenaline surge of thinking Alec was in danger.

He should have known better, really.

Trying to resolve the events of that day with all the evidence that’s been piling up along with what’s right in front of his eyes right now and Jace thinks he must be an idiot.

He also think his brother is playing with fire and it’s only a matter of time before it burns down the whole damn thing they’ve been building since that horrifying summer night that feels like a lifetime ago.

Jace knows his brother better than anyone and even though this is the first time he’s seeing this side of Alec, it’s easy enough to define.

His brother is in love. Jace sees the brightness in his eyes, the flattered flustered look on his face when Magnus no doubt flirts with him, teases him with an ease that’s well-known and well-honed.

As he follows them out of the restaurant-- barely tasting his own food-- he ducks behind a flower bush in the park when Alec and Magnus come to a stop near a lone street light.

Wrapping his arms around Magnus’s middle, Jace feels like a voyeur as he sees Magnus wrap his own around Alec’s neck. Their voices are low in the solitude of the park, in the quiet of a night growing late, but their easy intimacy is obvious in the way their conversation flows with an ease that’s surprising before Alec is leaning forward, before Magnus is tilting his head up, and then they’re kissing.

It’s soft and slow and Jace has seen enough.

Alec has never been selfish or careless but Jace thinks there must be a first time for everything. All he can see is calculation in Magnus’s eyes when he pulls Alec closer, manipulation as he banters and flirts and wraps his brother around his finger with every word he speaks, casting a spell over Alec.

He doesn’t blame his brother for falling for Magnus. Still, Magnus’s reputation precedes him and Jace swore when they were kids, that he’d always have Alec’s back.

Quickly and with the stealth he’s known for, Jace leaves the lovebirds to it and can’t help but wonder when their house of cards will come crumbling down.

---

A few months later and things aren’t exactly going to plan-- with anything. Alec is still disappearing, still in a great mood-- unless they’re talking about the consolidation of Disanto’s syndicate.

It’s taking much longer than either of them had estimated to gain a foothold. Disanto had become increasingly paranoid and while most of his trusted advisors had been cut loose-- by Disanto himself not by anyone on Lightwood’s payroll-- and the leader was very difficult to meet with. He’d declined every invitation Alec had sent and the takeover was turning into such a headache that Alec looked ready to tear his hair out at any given moment.

Plus, Jace wasn’t blind. The past week or so, Alec had been in an even more godawful mood and he hadn’t seen Magnus. Jace knows the two are related. He just doesn’t know how.

It’s a Monday afternoon and Jace has a large pizza with everything on it and some beer and he’s ready to de-stress with his best friend. He enters through the kitchen in the back, sets the pizza down on the counter and puts the beer in the fridge before he starts toward the living room.

Alec had claimed a migraine and left headquarters while it was still morning. It’s now the early evening and Jace is ready to listen to his brother vent for the next hour while inhaling a truly horrifying amount of pizza between breaths.

When he nears the threshold between the kitchen and the dining room, though, he stops cold at the sound of rising voices.

“What are you saying, Alexander?”

Alec’s voice is devoid of all emotion as he apparently restates, “I can’t keep doing this. I can’t be with you anymore.”

Jace will give it to Magnus, the tremor in his voice is so faint that he almost misses it. “Just like that?”

Jace ducks mostly behind the kitchen wall as he sees Alec walk out into the corridor. “Just like that,” Alec says grimly. “I’m sorry it had to end this way but it's over.”

Holding his breath as Magnus follows Alec into the hallway, Jace can’t help but think that if Bane is acting, he’s doing a hell of a job at it. There are tears in his eyes that Jace just catches and he looks vulnerable in a way Jace wouldn’t guess him capable, holding himself together with a thread that’s quickly unraveling.

“We’ve been together for over a year and this is how it ends? You won’t even give me an answer for this sudden turnabout, darling. Excuse the shit out of me if I don’t go merry into this fucking terrible night.”

“Don’t be so crass,” Alec chides idly and from his vantage point, Jace thinks Magnus is seeing red with the way he stiffens.

“You don’t get to tell me how to talk, Alexander.” He laughs but it’s bitter. “Not now, at least.”

Alec’s facing Magnus-- and Jace who’s hiding behind the apparent ex-lover-- so he sees the coldness in Alec’s eyes, his impenetrable stare.

Alec opens his mouth and in a way that’s only possible after knowing someone so long, Jace knows that Alec’s next words are going to be the kill shot.

“I don’t love you anymore. I never really did, if we're being honest,” Alec says, infuriatingly cool. “You’ve served your purpose. I don’t need you anymore. It’s over, Bane, and now I’ll ask you to leave without embarrassing yourself more than you already have.”

In stark contrast to just a moment before, it’s like all of Magnus’s strings are cut and Jace almost wonders that he doesn’t just slump until he collapses onto the ground. It’s quiet for a long moment before Magnus raises his head an inch, meeting Alec’s eyes, and asks in a dead whisper, “It was all a lie? You were just using me this entire time?”

Now here’s the thing. Jace knows Alec and he knows when his brother and best friend is lying. And right now? Alec’s lying through his goddamn teeth. Jace sees the way each word of Magnus’s is a blow to Alec in the way he’s braced himself, in the slow blink of his eyes that means Alec’s thinking carefully of each word, like there’s a script he’s following lest this entire charade fall to pieces around him.

Magnus pulls himself up to his full height and Jace knows he’s not imagining it as Alec shrinks imperceptibly at what must be a hell of a glare.

“I loved you,” Magnus says calmly and when he speaks now his voice is calm and strong and carries a weight that shows clearly how he became one of the most ruthless men in the city. “I love you,” Magnus repeats and he takes a single step closer to Alec. “But I swear to God, darling, I will forget you.”

Jace isn’t breathing as he watches his brother’s face and the devastation that’s lurking just beneath the surface. Alec doesn’t say anything and Magnus steps around him, toward the front door.

Alec’s staring at the floor when Magnus stops with the door open. Neither one look at the other as Magnus serves his own kill shot. “When you first took over from Robert, I thought there was something different about you, something your father lacked. A heart.” His voice drops lower, menacing in its condescension, as he continues, “But now I see that you’re just like him. Worse than the shit on the bottom of my shoe. Not worth my time. There might be a day when you need my help, Lightwood, and I want you to know what my answer will be when it comes. No. I will look at you with nothing but pity and I will tell you to go to hell. I will happily send you to your ruin, know that.”

Magnus laughs a little and Alec shudders, out of Magnus’s view. “We’ll see if you’re as pathetic as Robert was when you beg me for help anyway. Until then, goodbye Alexander.”

Magnus leaves and Alec steps over to the wall, bracing his arms as he leans forward, trying to catch his breath.

Jace knows he should go, should act like he was never here in the first place but Alec is hurting and he’ll never be able to ignore that.

He steps out from where he’d been hiding but Alec doesn’t even notice, totally focused on what must be total devastation. Not knowing where to start, Jace cuts to the heart of the matter in the way he does best.

“You lied.”

Alec’s head shoots up and he stares at Jace with wide, red-rimmed eyes. “What the fuck are you doing here?”

Deciding to play the indifferent asshole card, Jace shrugs. “I brought pizza and beer over but it looks like I missed the party.”

“Go to hell, Jace.”

Jace just lifts an unimpressed brow. “Bold words when you look three seconds from bawling your eyes out.”

Alec’s expression clears just enough for anger to take over. Jace watches him dispassionately as he takes a breath, trying to settle the rage that must have started licking up his spine. “Maybe you didn’t hear me,” Alec says evenly, pushing away from the wall and coming to stand in the middle of the hallway. “Get the fuck out. Leave me alone. I don’t need you right now.”

Acting like he didn’t hear, Jace leans against the wall in a way that he knows ruffles his brother’s feathers. “So, Magnus huh? I don’t blame you for ending things. I can imagine that’s a lot to handle.”

Alec glares at him so coldly, Jace almost rears back. “You don’t get to talk about Magnus like that. Shut up Jace,” Alec warns softly. “You don’t know what you’re saying.”

Jace doesn’t move, doesn’t say anything for a long minute. The two of them stare at each other, and Jace decides he’s kicked Alec enough when he’s already down. “Here’s what I know,” he starts softly. “I know you’ve been happier the past several months than I can ever remember. I know you love Magnus and that you just lied to his face when you ended things, that you ripped out your own heart at the same time. Here’s what I don’t know-- why?”

Raking hands through his hair, Alec just mutters, “I need a beer.”

He stalks past Jace into the kitchen, and goes directly to the fridge, drinking half a beer before Jace even has time to reach for his own.

The two of them sit down at the counter and eat cold pizza mostly in silence. It takes awhile for Alec to stir and when he does, all he says is, “I had to break his heart to save his life.”

Jace doesn’t react, merely asks, “Okay. What does that mean?”

Sighing, Alec pushes away his empty plate. “Disantos has become dangerous, Jace. I don’t know how but it looks like you’re not the only one who knew about us.” He swallows hard. “Disantos came to me-- you didn’t know about it because he swore me to secrecy, said he had information on Valentine that he would only hand over if he could be assured that I was alone.”

Jace hums noncommittal. They’ll come back to Alec’s lack of faith in him later. “That doesn’t explain why you think you’re doing the right thing here, Alec.”

Taking a shuddering breath, “Disanto’s been tailing Magnus and when we met, he told me that he actually has ties to Valentine, that he’s under his protection and that Valentine has access to Bane. He knows about the damned coup, about his men's betrayal, and gave me an ultimatum. Unless I call off my takeover and keep my distance, they’ll go after Magnus.”

Alec turns to face Jace and there’s such devastation there that Jace almost starts tearing up himself. “I’d rather have him alive and hate me than to not have him around at all, Jace. You know Valentine, you know what he’s capable of. There’s no way I’m giving him any reason to make Magnus a target.”

“So what,” Jace says. “You’re going to be miserable forever just so Magnus won’t get killed by a bad guy? Alec, that’s our life. If it’s not Valentine, it’ll be someone else. Magnus knows what he signed up for with this life and you should know that, too. Sometimes you can’t protect the ones you love but does that mean you shouldn’t love at all?”

“Emotions are nothing but a distraction, Jace.” It’s obvious that Alec tries to be hard but he’s still so dejected that the words are more of a plea than anything else.

Jace scoffs in his face. “That’s bullshit and you know it. Robert was an asshole; you should know not to listen to anything he had to say. What about me,” he demands. “Do you think we’re too close? That I’m a liability? That I can’t take care of myself if need be?”

Alec closes his eyes. “It’s different and you know it.”

“Do I,” Jace counters evenly.

“You’ve been my best friend, practically family, since we were kids. We always said we’d be together.”

Jace looks at him, mouth tilted in a sly hint of a smile. “Are you telling me that you and Magnus haven’t talked commitment? I can’t believe that.”

Looking frustrated, Alec snaps back, “How are you so calm about this? I thought you hated Magnus.”

Jace hums, thinking about his answer. The truth is, he’s disliked Bane since he first heard about him, especially since he’d learned that the man had gotten his devious little nails into his brother. But while Jace might not like to admit it, he’d be a dumbass not to. He’s seen how happy Bane makes his brother. He’s seen the unconscious affection the few times he’s tailed them on their dates, and just now tonight-- Magnus’s heart had been thoroughly smashed.

Maybe he judged too quickly, Jace thinks wryly. He has to wonder if he’s not letting prejudices against the Bane syndicate from previous generations fuck with the here and now.

Maybe I’m not the only one who needs to forget Robert’s lessons, he supposes.

“You love him,” Jace finally answers. “From what I’ve seen, Bane loves you too. All I want for you is to find whatever happiness you can in this life you’ve chosen for yourself. Did I think you were being reckless when I found out? Sure. Did I wonder if you weren’t thinking with your dick? Of course. But I’ll be honest, bro. I’ve known about you two for months and the other shoe has yet to drop. Especially seeing how you feel without Magnus, I’m willing to give the man the benefit of the doubt.”

“Thanks, Jace,” Alec says softly. “That means a lot.”

Then he groans. “What you said made sense,” Alec admits, which Jace knows had to be a herculean task for him. “But that doesn't erase the fact that even if I’m willing to gamble with his life-- I just made him fucking hate me. This isn’t even the first time we’ve dealt with this. Fuck, I hate myself.”

“What does that mean?”

Alec takes a deep breath. “A few months into dating, Magnus tried to break up with me because Valentine was getting to close. He sabotaged that Hell’s Kitchen project and when I confronted him, he tried to act like it had always and only been business between us. I saw through him, though. Wouldn’t let go until he finally broke and admitted his plan. We said back then that we were stronger together, that we wouldn’t let either of our protective instincts take over again, that we would talk through things. And now I did the same thing Magnus did.”

Jace moves closer, blames the half dozen beers for this turn of events. Rubbing a hand over his shoulder, Jace tries to rally them. “Well, at least Magnus will understand where you’re coming from. Not gonna lie though, you seriously fucked up.” Before his brother can tell him to fuck off, Jace keeps going. “Tell me how.”

Alec frowns. “Why do you want to know?”

“If you’re going to go groveling back to Magnus, you’re going to do it properly. I know you’ll be annoyingly sincere but Magnus isn’t a fool and he’s so angry right now that just getting him to talk to you might be impossible for awhile. So when you do talk to him, you’re going to have to lay all of your cards on the table-- acknowledge you messed up, acknowledge what you did wrong, promise never to do those things again, and hope by the grace of God that he takes you back. And from the sounds of it, you both need to have a talk and stop being such self-destructive disasters. So. How did you fuck up, Lightwood?”

Swallowing hard, Alec’s gaze turns toward the counter. He picks at the edge of the pizza box as he starts. “I guess I didn’t talk to him. That’s the biggest thing. It’s been bothering me for awhile and Magnus knew something was wrong but I brushed him off every time he asked.” He laughs but it’s humourless. “I said I had it handled.”

Nodding encouragingly, Jace prompts, “What else?”

“I made a decision alone that affected both of us. I-- I thought that I had it all figured out and I didn’t take Magnus’s thoughts or feelings into consideration.” He blows out a breath. “Honestly, I pretty much acted on instinct. Magnus was threatened and I made the fastest decision I could that would save him from harm, regardless of the consequences. It was blind panic and while I know that I can never act like that in my position, with Magnus I didn’t even stop to think. I was so mad when he pulled this shit but now I understand. I feel like such an idiot.”

Jace sighs himself and thinks that his brother has gotten himself into a hell of a situation while trying to do his best. It’s par for the course for them but it still hurts to see Alec make a mistake. And while Jace won’t say it out loud, he wonders if Magnus will ever speak to Alec again-- let alone welcome him back. It gives him hope that both Magnus and Alec seem to fuck up in such similar ways. Hopefully that proves to be Alec’s saving grace in this mess.

That won’t really help Alec to hear though so Jace keeps his game face on. “Anything else you need to beg forgiveness for?”

Alec’s expression sours at his choice of words and Jace remember’s Magnus’s little parting shot, wincing himself. Still, Alec rallies. “I guess I just want to tell him that I’m so sorry I hurt him, that I didn’t mean anything I said today, that I was trying to protect him, albeit in the most ass backwards way I could think of. That he’s his own person and I should have gone to him and we could have worked together-- and that I love him more than anyone in the world and that I’ll do whatever it takes to earn his forgiveness.” Alec’s voice is much quieter but no less full of conviction as he adds, “Or I’ll respect his decision if he doesn’t forgive me or want anything to do with me as long as he knows the truth.”

Looking at Alec, looking so dejected, Jace sighs and hauls him in for a hug. “Ah hell, Alec, you sure do know how to get yourself into messes, don’t you?”

Jace keeps patting his back and doesn’t say anything as Alec’s voice wobbles in his shoulder. “He’s my world, Jace. I thought I was doing the right thing, the only thing I could do, but you showed me I was just being a shortsighted ass. God,” he tries to laugh, though it comes out much closer to a sob. “I don’t think I could take it if he didn’t forgive me.”

“It’ll be okay, Alec.” Jace tries his best to be comforting, to be the shoulder his brother needs even as he’s not quite so sure they’ll make it through this. He’s never seen his brother so devastated. He remembers the look in Magnus’s eye though, when they kissed in the park all those months ago, when Alec broke his heart just a few hours ago.

He knows Magnus is hurting just as much as Alec. With Alec’s sincerity and the way it’s so obvious that Magnus is it for him, Jace thinks they’ll find their way back to each other.

It might take time but Alec’s always been patient and steadfast when it counted.

Pulling back a little, Jace pretends he doesn’t notice the tear tracks on Alec’s face. “Okay bro, Operation Win Magnus Back is officially commenced.”

Alec scrubs his hands over his face. “You think I can do it?”

Smiling, Jace looks at his brother. The man who tries so hard to be good even when by very definition he’s anything but, the leader and brother and son who accepts responsibility to a fault, the man who’s only fallen in love once but found a hell of a match on his first try.

“Oh Alec,” he says with a bolstering, little grin. “I have no doubt.”

#my writing #malec fic #perfect crime

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tisfan · 6 years

Text

Why Do you Have to Go (And Make Things So Complicated)

Title: Why Do You Have to Go (And Make things So Complicated) Collaborators: @27dragons and @tisfan AO3 Link Square Filled: N1 - Character is a Femme Fatale Ship: winterironwidow Rating: E Major Tags: threesome, anal, oral, vaginal Summary: He could see the headlines now: Stiff with a stiffie. Or He died happy. Or Stark monument already erected. Word Count: 4963 Created for @mcukinkbingo

A/n: This continues from Something Truly Shocking which was a little sarcasm prompt. All you have to know is that Tony was pretending not to notice how Sexy Nat and Bucky are.

Tony was going to die. Specifically, he was going to be murdered, right here in his own workshop. Either Natasha was going to give him a heart attack, or Bucky was going to clue in and come after him with a knife.

Pepper’s worst nightmare was going to come true: Tony was going to die with an erection, and she was going to be stuck trying to keep that out of the news cycle.

He could see the headlines now: Stiff with a stiffie. Or He died happy. Or Stark monument already erected.

Jesus. Natasha had always, since the first day Tony had met her, been a femme fatale, but even when she’d been trying to seduce her way into his company under Fury’s orders, she had never been quite so determined about it. And the femme was a lot closer to fatale, these days, because she had a boyfriend now. An impressively sexy, resting-murder-face, not-quite-ex-assassin of a boyfriend, who would absolutely come after Tony’s balls if he realized that Tony was thinking about his girlfriend that way.

Even if it wasn’t his fault. He was trying not to, but Natasha did not make it easy on a guy, with her barely-there bikini, asking him to put sunscreen on her, for pity’s sake, because the stuff gummed up Bucky’s arm.

Why couldn’t Bucky just use his other hand to lube up his girlfriend? Why did it have to be Tony’s job?

Christ on a cracker, and the draping herself seductively over the furniture all the time! Logically, Tony was pretty sure that was just a habit for her, left over from the days when she was earning her codename much more literally, seducing marks into her deadly web. Damn it, Tony was only human! And since he and Pepper had split a year or so back, he hadn’t exactly been on the dating scene, so he had a lot of pent-up urges floating around.

This last episode had been far too close; Tony had actually found himself staring down into her cleavage, trying to decide if he was actually seeing a bit of nipple or just imagining it, when he’d glanced up and caught Bucky staring at him. He’d nearly died on the spot.

Possibly literally.

(more under the count)

Not that Tony wouldn’t have deserved it, even though he and Bucky were on pretty decent terms these days. It had been a rocky path to start, but now Bucky came to Tony for trouble with the arm, then stuck around and watched old episodes of Star Trek with him. Sometimes Bucky brought Tony snacks when Tony was working late, and let Tony ramble on to him about whatever the latest project was. (Tony had actually worked through several knotty issues simply using Bucky as a sounding board.) Also, Tony would never admit it, but Bucky had long since ousted Steve in Tony Stark’s Avengers Sexiness Rankings. All the same supersoldier muscle topped off with a bad-boy cherry? It was like goddamn catnip.

Still, their hard-won friendship was probably not up to the pressure of Tony leering at Bucky’s girlfriend.

Tony slumped onto his stool and put his head in his hands. Maybe he could hide in the workshop until they’d finished swimming and then put clothes on again. Lots of clothes.

That didn’t seem very likely, as there was a rap on the glass door of the workshop and there were two bathing-suit-clad not-quite-Russian superspies right outside. Natasha had Bucky by the strings of his shorts, and the way she was tugging on them was not disguising at all that Bucky had a rather impressive package just underneath the nylon-spandex material.

Yep, he was going to die with an erection. Iron Man’s hard end.

“Got a minute?” Natasha mouthed, waving her free hand around to indicate-- something. Her, her boobs, maybe. Tony wasn’t quite sure, but the gesture made her body wriggle impressively.

And because he’d never been able to resist either one of them for very long, he waved back, signaling FRIDAY to open the door. “Thought you two would be splashing it up by now,” he said as they came in.

“We had a question,” Natasha said. She walked over to one of the workshop tables, still dragging Bucky, which was both hilarious and very distracting, because there was an awful lot of Winter Skin on display. He turned, just a little, and Tony got a really good look at Bucky’s shapely ass. He lifted Nat up so she was seated on the work table, and then practically lounged between her pale thighs.

“She’s been going about this all wrong,” Bucky said, and Natasha smacked him on the shoulder.

“Shut up, you said I could ask,” she said.

“No, I said you could just open your mouth like you were an actual grown up and everything,” Bucky retorted. “She could, really. I’m not sure if she will, however.” He gave Tony a look, like he was expecting some sort of male solidarity sympathy or something.

Which Tony was absolutely not going to give him while Natasha was watching, because Tony liked all his body parts right where they were, unskewered. “What’s the question?” He picked up the nearest tool to fiddle with, because he needed something to do with his hands that was not touching all the gorgeous skin in front of him.

“It’s complicat--”

“It’s not complicated. What’s so hard about ‘would you like to have sex’?” Bucky demanded. “It’s not that complicated, is it?”

DOES NOT COMPUTE. Tony opened his mouth, closed it. Considered some sort of hard-reboot option for brains. “I’m sorry, what?”

“That-- that’s why it’s complicated,” Natasha said. “Look, you broke him. What good is he to either of us if his brain leaks right out?”

Bucky leered. “I can think of a few things-- Ow, stop hitting me, woman.”

“You’re going to have to back up a few lines,” Tony said. He felt like someone had kicked him in the head, only without the pain. “Someone forgot to give me a script.”

“We’ll start with the softball questions,” Natasha said. “You like both women, and men. Bi-- or pansexual. If we’re wrong about that, obviously, the whole question is off the table, but you don’t have a particular objection to… men. Or women. As partners, dating, bed or otherwise?”

Tony had to snort at that. “You researched me, Romanov,” he pointed out. “You’ve seen my sex tapes. All of which were, if somewhat ill-advised, entirely consensual and enthusiastic.”

“See, I told you. If he’s got a problem, it’s not with the gender. So, you want to, or no?” Bucky leaned back against Nat’s thigh, spreading her legs even further to accommodate that impressive body.

“This is where you lose me,” Tony said. “Am I hallucinating? FRIDAY, you’d tell me if I were hallucinating, right?”

“You bet, boss.”

“Forgive him, he has no sense,” Natasha said. “Comes from being frozen so long. His brain, it’s all… freezer burned. See? You don’t do any better than I do. We try-- looking pretty, flirting. You ignore us, both together, or separate. You look, and then look away.”

“See, doll, we think you’re pretty swell,” Bucky said. “And, spending so many years -- both of us -- not gettin’ what we want, we aren’t hung up on… stuff. It’s a indecent proposal, maybe, but we’d like you-- to get with us.” Bucky pointed, like Tony might not know which you he was talking about, or which us.

“It’s all right, if you are not interested,” Natasha said, but there was the slightest pout to those perfect lips. “We have each other, and that is enough. But I’m greedy. I want it all.”

“Fri?” Tony couldn’t quite take his eyes off them.

“Still not hallucinating, boss.”

“The Black Widow and the Winter Soldier want me in a three-way,” Tony summarized, testing the surreality of that statement, tasting its flavor.

“Tony sandwich, extra mayo,” Bucky added, directing that leer at Tony again.

Tony blinked at him. “What is the mayo in this metaphor?” he wondered. “Because I can think of a couple of different-- Wait, never mind, wrong focus. That’s what all the... this has been about?” He demanded, waving a hand at Natasha’s unfairly skimpy bikini.

“He is crude, but to the point, yes,” Natasha said. “We like you. If you like either of us-- together is best, but if only me, then Bucky will content himself with watching, or hearing about it later.”

“Bucky will, will he?” Bucky wondered. “I don’t recall agreeing with being content about that.”

Tony watched them bickering for a moment. “This is for real? You’re not pranking me, or got dared, or something?”

“Why the hell would I do that? I mean I get why Tasha would, she sometimes does things just because someone tells her no--” Bucky reached a hand out. “We like you. There's nothin’ objectionable about me, is there? I mean… look you don't gotta let me down easy or nothin’. If you ain't interested, just say so. We can be, you know, adult about it.”

“Speak for yourself,” Natasha said. “I reserve the right to cry and eat way too much ice cream and drown myself in vodka.”

“I-- Yes. I’m in.” He couldn’t think of a single reason that he’d want to say no to two of the most gorgeous, amazing people he knew.

“Heh, too bad for you,” Bucky said, and for a moment Tony's heart absolutely stopped, here it came, the punchline. Maybe even literally. “No excuse to eat too much ice cream.”

Holy shit, this was real. “Ice cream is its own excuse,” Tony said, talking on autopilot through the spinning daze of his brain. “Uh. Logistics?”

“Tony sandwich,” Bucky said with enthusiasm. “Seems only fair to let you get all the reward, at least the first time.”

“Come here and kiss Bucky so his brain will stop glitching,” Natasha told him. “And I will watch and decide if you get to do it again.”

Tony almost asked, Now? but it got caught in his throat, arrested by Natasha’s expectant look. “Right. That’s... Right.” He put the screwdriver down and slid off the stool, moving toward them through what felt like a dream. Toe to toe with Bucky, feeling the heat baking off their skin, Tony thought, well, if it’s an audition, then I’d better nail it.

Heh. Nail it. His lips pulled slightly into a smirk. He reached up with one hand, tangling his fingers in Bucky’s hair and pulling Bucky down. He fell into the kiss, tentative at first as they felt each other out, and then more confident.

Bucky turned until he had his back to his girlfriend, her knees still around his hips, as he moved into the kiss, tongue flicking out to test Tony’s reactions, one hand going around Tony’s waist to draw him in even closer, the other sliding down Tony’s shoulder, to his bicep, then around, until Bucky’s fingers were tracing the line between Tony’s tee and his jeans.

It had been a while since he’d been in a threesome (or foursome, or moresome) but not so long that it was weird when Nat started petting them both, her fingers moving curiously from Bucky’s shoulder to Tony’s hair, and then along the back of his neck, fingernails dragging lightly, eliciting a shiver.

Tony finally had to pull away first, panting for breath. “Those of us who are not supersoldiers need to breathe occasionally.” He grinned at Bucky and then looked past Bucky at Nat. “Verdict?”

“We will take you upstairs and demonstrate the supersoldier’s ability to breathe through his ears,” Natasha told him. “And he has a very long-- tongue.”

“Among other things,” Bucky added, easily enough. “Don’t scare him off, Tasha. At least wait t’ panic him after I get my hands down his jeans.”

Tony shook his head. “I’m not panicking. Confused and surprised, but not panicking.” He backed up a step to make space and held out his hands to both of them. “My bed’s the biggest.”

“You lead, then. I’ll follow with the good view,” Bucky said. “Seriously, can I just--” He made a squeeze-gesture in front of Tony, like he was starring on an old-time Charmin commercial.

Tony smirked a little wider. “Don’t damage the goods, but feel free to test the springs.”

Bucky pulled him back in, hands going straight down Tony’s back to explore Tony’s ass. God, Bucky had huge hands, practically spanning the entire expanse of Tony’s cheek, palming him like a basketball at a Globetrotter’s game. “Perfect,” Bucky purred in Tony’s ear.

“Save some for the rest of us,” Natasha told him, like there was a line queuing up or something. She slid one hand into Tony’s back pocket as she hopped down from the workshop table, which did interesting, bouncy things to her anatomy. And Tony was allowed to look, and admire, which was a relief, because he wasn’t sure he could really, actually do anything but. Bucky crossed his arm over Nat’s, reaching into the other back pocket, so they formed an X; one on either side.

Well, okay then. Tony took a step and they moved with him, in tandem, as if they had rehearsed it. Spies and assassins and their freaky ways. Which, Tony thought, would make for very interesting and athletic sex, he suspected. Jesus, how was he even going to keep up?

Mental breakdown later, he told himself firmly, and continued through the workshop to the elevator. “My floor, Fri. Express route.”

There was a pointed silence before the elevator moved, as if Friday was registering some sort of… artificial judginess. He’d thought JARVIS was the only one who preferred his sexcapades to be tame, but maybe Friday had picked up more from her predecessor than Tony had supposed. It didn’t seem to bother Bucky, who was absentmindedly tugging on Natasha’s bikini strap, threatening to spill her out of it entirely.

There was another pointed little pause before the doors opened again, and Tony made a mental note to have a chat with Friday later. Much later. And then he stopped thinking about anything at all that wasn’t the two perfect specimens in front of him.

He reached for Natasha, hand stopping an inch short of her hair. “Okay?”

Natasha took the outstretched hand, planted a delicate kiss in his palm, and then put that palm directly over her breast, pushing herself into the touch. “Yes?”

“Oh, hell yes.” Tony cupped her breast, delicately exploring, testing, finding the most sensitive places, the pressures and movements that made her eyelashes flutter, her mouth fall open in a gasp. He leaned down to kiss her, flicking his tongue against her lip and then opening to her own explorations.

Bucky moved in behind Tony, giving his ass another squeeze and making an utterly adorable squeal of delight. Tony shouldn’t find that cute, should he? That was undignified, or -- whatever it was was going to have to wait, as Bucky reached all the way around, his fingers hauling Natasha even closer. Tony was starting to feel remarkably overdressed for the party, because when he pulled back a little, Bucky had -- or maybe Natasha had -- undone the strap to her bikini top and she was, in fact, spilling out of the tiny thing.

“Isn’t she lovely?” Bucky murmured in Tony’s ear. He knew exactly what to do, making a vee with his fingers to pinch her nipple erect, and then thumbing lightly over the tip while Natasha juddered and shivered and tried to move closer, going up on her toes and whimpering.

Tony couldn’t resist leaning down to lick over that captive nipple, and then moving to the other side, sucking it in, letting his teeth graze just lightly over the skin as he traced circles around it with his tongue. He wrapped his arm around her waist, wanting to feel every shudder and moan.

Finally, laughing and still shivering with too much stimulation, Natasha pushed them both away, swatting at Bucky’s hand. “You promised a very big bed, Mr. Stark,” she said, batting her eyelashes at him like she was some blushing virgin. The tone was convincing enough, even if her casual ease with nudity gave it the lie.

“Also, someone is wearing too much clothing,” Bucky said.

“Absolutely, you’re completely correct,” Natasha said. The bikini bottom unfastened at the sides and she flicked the little scrap of fabric in Bucky’s face before bouncing off in the direction of the bedroom. She didn’t need directions, because, of course she didn’t.

Tony glanced at Bucky, and gestured. “After you. My turn to ogle.”

Tony half-expected Bucky to shuck his shorts with the same gleeful anticipation that he’d done everything else, but suddenly he was flushing, neck red and ears burning. He fumbled with the strings at his swim trunks before shoving them down and stepping awkwardly out of them. “Yeah?” That glorious blush kept going, crawling down Bucky’s chest as he lifted his chin to let Tony look at him.

And wow, was there a lot to look at. “Yeah,” Tony said, letting his eyes linger, even as he reached back to pull his tee over his head. He dropped it to the floor, then unzipped and dropped his jeans as well. The view wasn’t as nice -- Tony was no supersoldier, and on the wrong side of forty-five, to boot -- but he thought he did okay. Bucky’s eyes certainly seemed to agree. “Ready?”

“I’m waiting--” Natasha called from the other room.

“Bad idea to keep her waiting, she gets inventive,” Bucky said.

And, apparently she did, because as they got to the door, she was posed dramatically on Tony’s bed, the comforter kicked onto the floor. She paused, then sunk until a perfect split, legs going from one side of the bed to the other. She bent forward from the waist, tossing her head back to give them a sultry look.

“I’m failing to see the downside to this inventiveness,” Tony observed.

“What do you like, doll?” Bucky wondered, tracing that metal hand up and down Tony’s spine, inspecting the line of it. “Bottom? Top? Middle? On your knees between Tasha’s thighs while I stroke you from behind?”

“I’m flexible,” Tony said, suppressing the shiver from being touched with that hand. “Not as flexible as Natasha, mind you, but who is? You got something you want to try, lay it on me. Or what you said, that sounds great.”

Bucky made a deep, snarling noise right in Tony’s ear. “I will absolutely lay it on you.”

Natasha rolled over, spread across Tony’s bed like an offering. “I like that idea. I get to lay back and let you two do all the work,” she said.

“Why do I doubt that?” Tony wondered. He climbed onto the bed and knelt between her legs to nuzzle between her breasts, kissing upward toward her neck, dragging teeth along her earlobe. He propped himself up on one arm and let the other roam over her smooth, creamy skin.

“Mmmm,” Natasha hummed, arching into his touch. “His hands aren’t cold.”

Bucky slid that metal hand down Tony’s back, along the curve of his ass. “Do you think my hand is unpleasantly cold?” Slick, cool fingers explored Tony’s thigh, almost frictionless.

“Uh, no,” Tony said, “but I have an unnatural boner for tech, so I might not be the prevailing opinion there.” He made his way back down to Natasha’s breasts, teasing and toying with them and watching in awe as she twisted and arched under him.

“Your boner doesn’t feel unnatural,” Bucky pointed out, keeping that chilly touch very light-- to avoid pinching with the minute plates in his fingers, probably. He swapped out, warm skin replacing cool metal, and the contrast was enough to make Tony wobble. “It’s interesting. The difference, I mean.”

“Ug, he gets like that,” Natasha said, rolling her eyes with affectionate exasperation. “Give him a condom or a pair of gloves and he’ll stick that finger places it’s really not supposed to be.” Tony wasn’t sure if that was supposed to dissuade him or not.

“I am one hundred percent down for that,” Tony admitted. “Though at the moment...” He wriggled and slid further down the bed so he could drag his mouth down Natasha’s stomach, hand stroking the inside of her thigh. He glanced up at her to make sure she was on board, then flicked his tongue along her folds.

Natasha hummed, her hips rocking up to meet Tony’s mouth with approval. Her hands went into Tony’s hair, tugging lightly, and then her thumbs brushed along his ears. She tasted sweet and tangy. Fresh, like she’d actually been planning on swimming and had showered not more than an hour ago.

Tony almost lost the thread for a moment, as Bucky reached around Tony’s middle, teasing at him with one cool hand and one overly warm one. “You have lube? Condom? I didn’t know if you were actually going to say yes, and… well, there aren’t pockets in a swimsuit for a reason.”

Without lifting his head, Tony made a vague gesture toward the nightstand where he kept such supplies. It had been a long time since he’d done this sort of thing, but he remembered that it was best to get his rhythm established before activities at the other end got too far along, because otherwise he’d get distracted and someone would end up irritated. He spread Natasha’s labia with two fingers and went to work, letting her hands in his hair provide hot-and-cold clues.

Natasha’s legs kept shifting, rubbing against Tony’s arms. Her knees would come up for a bit, squeezing at his shoulders, and then flopping back down again, spreading herself wide for him to work.

“For you, if you need them,” Bucky told him, putting two wrapped condoms near Nat’s shoulder. “And for me--” There was a soft snick as Bucky opened the lube. He drizzled a line down Tony’s crack, working it in with his flesh hand, rubbing along Tony’s hole, up his crack, and then down to his balls, teasing as he went. Circling the opening to Tony’s body and inhaling as Tony shifted. “God, your ass is pretty. Like, sorry, Tasha, but Tony’s got ya beat there.”

“He keeps doing what he’s doing, and he can beat me wherever he likes,” Natasha said, her voice spiraling up toward the end as she gasped and then flexed again.

“I don’t usually discuss the heavier kink until the third date,” Tony quipped, and then went back to what he was doing. He’d always liked going down on a woman, but god, she tasted sweet.

“Pretty sure threesomes count as heavy kink, Tony,” Natasha pointed out. “Although, as you say-- aaah! -- I have read your dossier. Hell, I wrote-- mooost of it.”

Tony squeaked as Bucky leaned over and nipped at the curve of his ass, leaving a spark of teeth, and then spread into welcoming heat. “Lovely.” Bucky’s finger slid around Tony’s hole again, and then breached him. “Like that, do you?”

“Mm-hm,” Tony hummed. Which seemed to do interesting things to Natasha, given the way she gasped, so he did it again.

It was easy to lose himself in the push and pull of bodies, the tastes and smells and sensations. He pushed forward into Natasha and back into Bucky and let the rhythm take over the endless whirring of his brain.

Bucky breached him, nice and slow, and dear Tesla, thick as hell. He reached around Tony’s middle to stroke him, keep him hard and eager. It was a little awkward; Bucky was left handed, but Tony supposed that lube in those finger joints would be a bitch to clean up. “Oh, you feel so tight,” Bucky murmured. “You should see this, Tasha--”

“Take -- ah! A picture. It’ll last longer,” Natasha scolded, poking Bucky in the ribs with a long leg. Bucky caught her ankle, which did interesting things to both the way she was positioned, and the way Bucky moved into Tony. When Natasha groaned, and pushed her other leg up, Bucky rocked all three of them together, using his grip on Natasha’s legs to give him leverage.

“Oh my god,” Tony said, because that was definitely different. “You two are going to be the death of me, but at least I’ll die happy.” He reached up and found Bucky’s hair, wrapping his fingers in it and tugging.

“Don’t die,” Bucky told him. “If you die, you’ll miss the good bits.” He rocked slowly, perfectly, in and out of Tony’s body. Under Tony, Natasha could barely move, her legs wide spread and pinned, glorious.

Being held like that seemed to make her more sensitive, every lick and stroke met with desperate, pleading gasps as she twisted and moved. Trying to get closer or squirm away, and neither worked. She let loose a torrent of Russian that Tony didn’t quite catch, but made Bucky laugh, which-- oh, that felt amazing, the way they all vibrated together.

God, Tony wasn’t going to last very much longer if this kept up. He redoubled his efforts, determined to bring Natasha off before he succumbed. Bucky was moving faster now, and for a few moments, they worked together like a well-calibrated machine, every movement serving the greater purpose of the whole. It was beautiful, it was sublime, it was intense, as close to flying as Tony could get with his feet on the ground.

Natasha threw her head back, practically arching off the bed, her whole body going rigid. Air hissed in and out of her lungs, and then she screamed, a strangled, glorious gasp. She kicked one leg loose from Bucky’s hold and-- ow, that was probably going to leave a mark, but it was good, because she was completely out of control, oblivious to everything except the way she shuddered and cried out.

Bucky had gone still while she came, watching intently over Tony’s shoulder at every movement.

When Natasha came back to herself, she grinned at him, pulled her knees up. “Wanna finish off in me?”

Tony shuddered. “Oh, yeah.” He scrabbled for one of the condoms Bucky had tossed up earlier and rolled it on with hands shaking from need. He climbed up, positioning himself, acutely aware of Bucky still pressed against his back, and slid into her. Heat and wet and a perfect tension that crawled down his spine and lodged in his balls. “Oh, fuck.”

Their well-oiled machine lost its rhythm for a bit. “Let me drive,” Bucky growled in Tony’s ear, and he surrendered to Bucky’s grip on his hips, the way they all moved together, instead of tangling up. They got going again, and it was a continuous line of Bucky sliding into him, and he pushed into Natasha, and then out again, perfect harmony, sweet and slick and so, so hot.

“There you go, there you are, my pretty Tony,” Bucky crooned.

Natasha moved with them, hips rising to meet Tony’s strokes. Her hand was on Tony’s waist, and Bucky linked his fingers with hers, a sweetly innocent gesture.

With Bucky’s relentless pace driving them, the heat built quickly. Tony tucked his head down and tried to prolong it, but there was only so much he could do to stave off his climax with so much perfect sensation surrounding him. He gasped, caught his breath, gasped again, and the world went white for a while -- a few seconds, or an hour, or a year. “Oh god, oh god.”

Behind him, Bucky made a sound, some sound, and then he smacked Tony’s ass once, sharply. Not enough to really hurt, but it stung for a second, and then the whole area flooded, hot and perfect. Bucky jerked, once, twice, and then went utterly still, exhaling with a low, shaky moan.

Tony tried to catch his breath. “So that’s a thing we did.” He gave Bucky a minute to breathe, then nudged him gently. “Off. My arms are giving out and Natasha does not want to be crushed.”

Bucky peeled himself off Tony’s back, dropping a kiss between his shoulder blades, before collapsing onto the mattress. “Yeah, that’s a thing we did, all right,” he agreed.

Natasha squirmed out from under Tony, letting him fall face down in between them. “It was a good decision.”

“I need to record that,” Bucky said, and going down to cup Tony’s ass fondly. “She doesn’t credit me with a lot of sense.”

“Two thumbs up, five stars on Yelp,” Tony agreed, not bothering to roll over. He wondered what happened next, but couldn’t quite bring himself to ask.

Natasha rolled over, cuddling against Tony’s side. She reached over his back and linked her hand with Bucky’s again. “We should,” she said, kissing Tony’s ear, his neck, shoulder, “snuggle for a while. Take a nap. And then you will feed us, since we worked so hard. And then, we will figure out what we’re doing next.”

“What’s to figure?” Bucky asked, voice muffled by one of the pillows. “We are dating each other, and we are dating Tony. It’s not complicated. She always makes it complicated.”

“Tony may have opinions of his own, you know,” Natasha said, tart. “That don’t always agree with yours.”

Bucky scoffed, then immediately looked concerned. “I will be needing all that ice cream you were talking about earlier if this is a one and done.”

Tony thought about it for a moment. “No reason we can’t have ice cream and be dating,” he offered.

“Ice cream as a date?” Natasha suggested. “We can do that. I like this idea, I’m happy to be a part of it.”

#mcukinkbingo #winterironwidow #tony x bucky x nat #lemon

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idkwntht-blog · 6 years

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The Myth of the Fast-Ass Little Girl Pt. 1

TW: Pedophilia, sexual assault/abuse/harassment, statutory rape

I have a question for ya’ll. Do you blame the pig for letting itself get killed and made into ham for your sandwich?

Do ya’ll blame the drunk driver or the victims of car accidents for being on the road in the first place?

Do ya’ll blame black men for being killed at the hands of police? (I know some of you do, but if that’s your feeling you’ve absolutely come to the wrong blog. I’m gonna tell you right now, reading further will spike your blood pressure.)

If you answered no to all of the questions above, then why the FUCK would you think its the fault of teenage girls -- CHILDREN when they fall for the advances of predators?

The strange thing is that we (and by we, I mean the black community) have this thing about children acting “too old” or “too grown” while simultaneously never allowing them to be children. How can children be children when we punish them for being just that or we assign them adult qualities for doing things that aren’t inherently adult-like?

Black parents call children too grown for asking too many questions or for wearing their hair a certain way. Ya’ll fussed and cussed about North West’s red lipstick in those holiday photos like the lipstick turned her from a cute toddler into a salacious sex kitten just like that.

I don’t know what kinda red lipstick ya’ll own. I love Fenty Stunna as much as the next girl and I rarely feel like a sexpot the minute I put it on. I mean maybe paired with the right outfit, all of the Kilowatt highlighter, and a nice shoe, but that’s beside the point. The point is that I certainly don’t think a little red lipstick is to blame for predatory ass men manipulating and raping children who cannot consent.

I remember being in high school and having crushes on men way out of my age range. I’d get butterflies when they spoke to me, I’d think about them when I should have been doing my homework. Let’s be honest, older men were way more attractive than the scrawny, high-pitched voice boys I went to school with. They seemed smarter, more sophisticated and finer because they’d survived puberty and lived to tell the tale.

HOWEVER, crush as I might, nothing ever happened. One, every grown ass man I ever crushed on knew that I was A CHILD. Beyond the fact that my parents would likely have gone on a murdering spree if someone over 18 even asked about me, those men had the good sense to know that there was nothing -- absolutely NOTHING that I could offer them.

Now, of course, I got a little lucky because my parents didn’t find one thing cute about an older man asking about their daughter. Hell, when I was 13 or 14 a young man in high school tried to date me. He was 16 or 17. My parents shut it down. They told him, they told his mama. They told everyone at the studio I danced at (which is where I met him) that nothing was cute and nothing was happening.

But obviously, everyone doesn’t have my parents (and even that isn’t foolproof), and a lot of children fall through the cracks and into the grasps of predators everyday. The fact that some would rather blame the helpless for being targeted instead of the person committing the crime is high key sick and THAT’S why your uncles, brothers, fathers, pastors, and boyfriends been getting away with this shit for years.

I’m looking at aunties and babysitters too because we ALSO need to talk about the fact that losing your virginity in grade school to a grown ass woman is rape too. There is no 8-year-old boy “smooth” enough to seduce a woman 8+ years his senior. He was taken advantage of, manipulated, and raped. Ten-year-old boys don’t want pussy, they wanna play with their Legos. If you’re one of those people who look at news reports of women teachers having sex with their underage students, and think no wrong was done because she was attractive then you are also a part of the fucking problem and you need to figure that out and straighten up.

I would like to pause for a second to say that pun tho.

Listen, we got to protect our babies instead of punishing them for being children. Times up on people who think it’s the victim's fault for being preyed on. Half of us are STILL being manipulated by trash ass men, but we expect the children to have the tools to protect themselves. Babies. And yes, they’re still babies even at 16 and 17.

I’m routinely dragged by Facebook memories when my posts from high school resurface because I was young and embarrassing. I can only forgive myself because I was a baby and I’ve since grown. But we gotta grow.

I still know very little about men and how to be in a healthy, committed relationship, but I didn’t know shit then and I didn’t know I didn’t know shit. And I’m subsequently still in the process of unlearning a lot of the problematic shit I retained between getting my first period and going off to college. What I do know is that we shouldn’t have to plead with you this hard to believe children instead of protecting predators.

Predators keep people around them to protect them from the consequences of their trash actions. And to be honest, some of the biggest protectors of pedophiles are the ones they don’t pay.

#survivingrkelly #blackgirlsmatter #blacklivesmatter #robert kelly #r. kelly #muterkelly

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sungchanlele · 6 years

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“The Rain”The importance of Rasmus Andersen.

Okay listen up, imma going to speak about this amazing and probably misunderstood character who I have learned to love very dearly: Rasmus Andersen.

Now, i don’t know if you (reader, yes, im speaking to you) have finished watching The Rain but I’m about to drop some big fucking spoilers try and show that Rasmus is a very important character who deserves respect and love, so be warned.

Now, I’ve seen either here or in Twitter some people talking shit about Rasmus, calling him a spoiled brat, childish prick, crybaby kid etc etc…in very few words: a completely annoying character. Well I disagree to that, so I’m about to drop in this mini rant and be warned: this is MY OPINION about this character and what I learned about him during the course of the series, so by the end of the day if this mini rant helped that’s great, and if people agrees with me that’s also amazing, so with all that being said let’s proceed shall we?

In the first episode of The Rain, we just get kind of introduced to these fantastic characters in a very stressed environment, why? Because the rain is coming, and it’s a very dangerous rain tbh, so the character of Simone and Rasmus are shown tense and scared. We get to meet Rasmus in the car, and is a kid, a 10-year-old kid, who basically, at his very young age, lived basically the eradication of humanity. 10 YEARS OLD and in the span of an episode: he experimented a kind of a apocalypse, a 2012 shit, his dad left them and to worse thing up here: he saw his own mom getting killed/infected by the rain with his 10 YEAR OLD eyes. By this rate, he has many reasons to be traumatized, but worse of all: By the end of the episode, we see Martin’s gang entering the bunker and Rasmus just got to see the grass and the sky for at least 5 seconds before being shoved back to the bunker, and he is again taken from freedom.

Now, by this point, everybody watching the series probably started to think about Rasmus as a childish baby because he says things like: “I want to get out NOW” and him reacting when Simone tries to comfort him saying “LEAVE ME ALONE” but its actually the other way around: how would you feel if you managed to get some freedom after being 6 years locked on a friking bunker with limited space and no sunlight and fresh air, and suddenly that freedom gets snatched again in less than 5 seconds by some fucking strangers with guns (BIG ASS GUNS) threatening to kill you, your sister and locking you up in a EVEN SMALLER PLACE (because lets be clear, the bunker may be big, but it can get small when you get used to the zone). So, it can be reasonable Rasmus’s anger, yes I agree that he could have controlled it, but lets be real here, everyone would be scared and even claustrophobic if you were in his place.

Moving on, allow me to leave one thing clear, of all the brilliant characters of this amazing series, there’s one that I feel fucking pissed with, and its Beatrice. (but ngl, she’s written brilliantly). And before you come here as a mob to murder me, let me explain myself why I don’t like her. At episode 1, I started to like her a lot, she helped Simone and Rasmus and stood by their side, and I appreciate her for that (but at this point I dunno if she did that just for convenience; because she liked Rasmus since the moment she laid eyes on him; she really supported Simone and her decisions; or she liked to contradict Martin’s orders) I kinda hoped it was the last 2, and I carried on watching the episode with that mentality, until I noticed the pairing that it came to be Rasmus and Beatrice. Now listen up, why I find this pairing odd? Because Rasmus in a 16 year old kid who spend 6 years locked in a bunker with no other human contact but Simone, and most of his life before the events of the rain he was constantly sick

so he spend many time also with his parents getting checked and being supervised, laying on the bed. What am I getting at? This kid is NEW to the business of love, not sibling love, like love COUPLE, and this woman, (because lets be fucking real Beatrice is older than Rasmus), comes in and starts seducing this kid. THIS KID, WHO STARED IN AWE WHEN HE SAW TREES. And not just that, Beatrice is a manipulative person who lied to Martin when he said that his parents were in the church or something, to not get separated of them

and then lied to Rasmus again with his parents being dead in the bed. (LIKE WTF WOMAN WHY U GOTTA LIE TO A KID?)

Now, I don’t know how to interpret Rasmus’s expression when he saw Beatrice and Martin having sex on episode 2, Lucas’s expression there is brilliantly masked in an amalgamation between shocked/curiousness, and that’s when he started to feel a spark of probably jealously.

And don’t get me wrong, is probably normal for teens to get attracted to adults, it happens, but for adults to respond… its weird, and even more weird in this case, giving Rasmus’s past years of the very few many human interaction he had during 6 years. Get my drift?

Okay, back to Rasmus, having reviewed the past traumatic experiences that he has seen and experienced in the first episode and after being outside, in the span of a very few days, Rasmus:

• Was stabbed and almost died of blood loss and that injury got really infected, so he was in pain.

• Almost got murdered by a crazy doctor by being injected the virus.

• Was probably almost murdered by the other doctor at the house of the old people in episode 5.

• ATE human meat, like WTF people.

• Had a drug addiction to morphine and it was getting bad…

• The person he loved (why Rasmus why) died, and is probably HIS fault.

And the worse of all: his father didn’t help him in the end, on the contrary: he was about to get killed by his own hand. And even if it was for humanity’s own good, this in not Infinity War bro, and that dad wanted to pull a Thanos up in this bitch, like NO dude. Rasmus didn’t deserved to get that gun pointed at him by his own dad. He deserved to get cured, which is the principal reason that his dad left them on episode 1, and I MEAN, the dad is a scientist, THAT’S HIS JOB! One would say that when you know that your own son has a dangerous virus, one would do everything in his power to get his kid cure, right? Not Rasmus’s dad, which is fucked up.

THE POINT HERE IS: of all that messed up shit that Rasmus experienced, the moment he lost Beatrice is when he reached breaking point. Although some people might say that Rasmus fell into that depressive point because of her, my thesis is also that all those traumatic experiences that Rasmus has gone through the series, and loosing many important people, Beatrice is the trigger that sunk him deep. Those emotions invaded his mind, clouded his reason, and not even Simone could bring him the solace he needed, and that’s saying much because Simone was usually the one calming him, offering reassurance and protection. But nothing mattered to him in that moment this focus was the loss of another person important to him and Patrick’s reaction didn’t helped at all, it worsened things up by leaving Rasmus literally alone, Simone showed him affection but she was more focused on getting him away from Beatrice’s corpse (which I don’t blame her at all, I would have done the same), while the others were too shocked like Martin to calm him.

But you know what made Rasmus’s character powerful? What scene that made people seems to misunderstand? The scene in which he injects himself the virus saying: “No more people should die because of me” in episode 7. It’s such a powerful scene that shows how Rasmus is not childish or annoying; it’s the contrary, he’s a boy who wants to protect the people he loves because he doesn’t want to loose anyone he cares for.

He has grown up in a very violent environment and he’s so fucking scared for the people he loves that he’s willing to die for them just to keep them alive. So the moment Simone tells him: “People are gone because you needed protection” he takes a decision, a dangerous decision; he injects himself the virus, sacrificing himself for the others sake.

What people are failing to see (by my perspective) is that Rasmus’s character evolved and changed in the course of days, and he is far from a crybaby or a childish person; he is a boy that is scared and reacts to his emotions, he is overpowered by them and he is a very intelligent person that acts instinctively, so the worse thing is that the minute his father said: “I’m not sure I can” (help him) and Simone backing away from him and Rasmus asking: “Am I contagious?” he comes to understand the dangerous person he has become and the high probability of being the reason of Beatrice’s death.

So what can I conclude from Rasmus’s character? What do I see in him? I see a boy who, had to experience traumatic events since he was 10, had to pass 6 years locked in a bunker not experiencing life like a normal teen, had a very complicated love experience with a person who is older than him, had an drug addiction to morphine, had to witness a person very dear to him (his OWN dad) point a gun at him ready to shoot him. I see a boy whose emotions are powerful because he has not known how life works, he’s scared, he just wanted to see the sky…and of course, he could have handled many situations with more calm, but as a teen who is now starting to live life after 6 years of lockdown, he doesn’t know how to react to some things. Rasmus deserves to be seen as a person who is traumatized, who deserves happiness and love thrown to him, to be protected and be saved from that virus.

#Rasmus #The rain #The rain netflix #Lucas Lynggaard Tønnesen #rasmus andersen #alba august #my post

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yakumtsaki · 7 years

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Welcome, dear readers, to the much anticipated Union Season 1 finale, featuring the diverse cast of well-developed characters we’ve all come to love, such as cheating whore #1, cheating whore #2, and my personal favorite, cheating whore #3. Also starring purple Hannibal Lecter, Melody Tinker’s sunglasses, and Leon Trotsky. Last update saw the erotic tension between resident porn-king Gunther and his brother’s intended, Regina George Brittany Upsnott finally boil over, leading to this harrowing image:

GOOD TIMES. Let’s pick up right where we left off..

.. namely precious Gunther immediately jumping into bed with Melody not two minutes after his close encounter of the Brit kind. Guns has been suspiciously loyal and un-gross ever since we moved out of the dorms, but apparently his goal for senior year is to out-worst everyone else in the house. What a comeback!

Meanwhile Brit is depressingly bowling her frustrations away under the unforgiving desert sky. Whaddup Brit, you must be dealing with some pretty complicated emotions right now.

-What?? No way, I’m totally, totally fine!

I mean sure, why wouldn’t you be, it’s not like you’ve fucked literally everything up. After spending half of college dealing with fucking HaremGate all I wanted was an uneventful senior year I could speed through, but that would be too easy now, WOULDN’T IT.

-The pins are you well-laid out plans for the future!

UGH Brit seriously, this isn’t happening. As in we’re gonna pretend it literally never happened, you’re gonna marry Daniel, Gunther is gonna marry Mel, everyone will live happily ever after and that’s the last I’m gonna hear of this bullshit.

BRIT THE FUCK DID I JUST SAY

-I’m just heartfarting, GAWD

Yea you’re also about to fucking serenade him in front of Mel, have you legit lost your mind??? Is this how the rest of this year will go, me chasing you around cancelling your dumbass actions?

-Probably! lolol!

-Aww Brit, if there was an award for best couple, we would definitely win it <3

-Oh please, Gunther and I have you totally beat!

-Yea right Mel, bet you §10 me and Brit are gonna move in together before you and Gunther do!

-…So how you liking that pizza, Gunther?

-…Oh it’s good, Brit, thanks for asking.

Meanwhile it looks like my restless Jojo/Wyatt reconciliation efforts have finally borne fruit! Good job, Wyatt!

-It’s no job, I’m just following mon coeur!

Nice, follow it all the way to redemption!

YASSSS. I can’t stress enough how many times Wyatt had to apologize to get us to this point, I’m talking half their awake time for 3 days. God. The whole thing has been an extremely repetitive nightmare but finally we can put it to rest. Much like we put Frances! BURN IN HELL

Finally, the universe has responded to my desperate pleas. I will even forgive the creepy ass llama because for once the cheering is completely appropriate. Reunited and it feels so good! Especially for me because if I had to press the apologize button one more time istg.

Well.. The universe giveth and the universe taketh away. Literally can’t leave these dicks unsupervised for more than a minute before they start slutting it up. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU TWO

-Oh oh oh oh oh OH, caught in a bad romance <3

STOP SINGING INTO EACH OTHER’S MOUTHS. It’s time for drastic measures. Gunther is obviously unfamiliar with the concept of decency but maybe there’s still hope for Brittany..

..especially after Daniel gives her a high-class romantic evening! Looking great, Dan. Please stop picking your teeth.

-I’m so uncomfortable, my hair hasn’t seen the light of day since I was a toddler! I’m putting my cap back on.

DON’T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT. Also suppress your gag reflex + every instinct in your body because it’s time-

-to hit Londoste! OOH LA LA

-Brit, I feel like we’re.. ridiculously overdressed.

-No such thing, darling!

-I’ll be having the filet mignon and a glass of the Veronaville ‘64, thank you.

-And I’ll be having chicken nuggets and a detailed report of the working conditions in this bourgie hellhole.

-DANIEL YOU PROMISED

-Let’s raise a glass to us and our magical evening together-

-Yes, and this delicious food, stained with the tears of the working farmhand-

-Daniel, please.

-My beloved ice queen, even though the diamond engagement ring “tradition” is another completely made up, SHAMELESS CAPITALIST SCAM, I just couldn’t bear the thought of wounding your gigantic, aggressively materialistic ego.. Marry me, my darling, be my Nadezhda!

-OH baby of course I’ll marry you! Everything before this moment doesn’t count, right?

-I mean.. sure?

-Great!

Yes, what a wonderful, subtle night.

-Oh Brit, you make me the happiest worker alive, which of course is a completely paradoxical state under capitalism!

AWW MEANT TO BE <3 Finally we can put that gross, freckled chapter behind us.

THAT’S RIGHT YOU BETTER RUN

-WOOO congrats for not cheating for an entire day, Gunther!

Our greek house is currently at a pathetic level 3 and it’s not hard to see why. As if the graves of Jojo’s former flames weren’t enough to put people off, imagine walking by and seeing this.

This shit is still going on and has reached the hate-boner point where these two have permanent wants to see each other’s ghost. So much for nice points!

Also going on: this bizzare, inexplicable feud that appeared literally out of nowhere.

-SHUT UP WYATT MAGIC ISN’T REAL

-IT SO IS MAGIQUE IS ALL AROUND US

Finals are upon us! Only one semester of this fuckery left. There are of course two kinds of people, the kind pictured above..

..and my peeps.

Gunther, who hasn’t done anything college related since we were back in the dorms and Blue Meatballs et al were writing his papers, somehow still has a 4.0 gpa. Wow Gunther, what’s your secret??

-It’s no secret, I banged the half-alien professor.

Oh right lmao. You’re looking pretty down boo, what’s wrong?

-Man idk, I’m struggling with what might be like.. legit feelings for Brit.

WHAT. WELL PUT THEM BACK WHERE THEY CAME FROM GUNTHER AND DRINK YOUR SORROWS AWAY LIKE AN ADULT. GOD

YOU TOO BRITTANY. ISTFG YOU ASSHOLES ARE NOT FUCKING THIS UP ANY FURTHER.

CAUSE HERE’S WHAT HAPPENED TO THE LAST PERSON WHO WENT OFF SCRIPT. Looking good, Fran!

…………………………poor Brittany obviously suffered a stroke at some unspecified point in time. As if she didn’t have enough problems.

SO. CLOSE. We just have to get through this one semester without the entire charade imploding, is that too much to ask????

APPARENTLY YES. GODDAMMIT GUNTHER

-The heart wants what it wants.

What DOES it want tho, Selena, cause last time I checked you were in love with Mel you GIANT ASS

-Yea, hell if I know! Huhu!

IF I HEAR YOU PEOPLE HUHU ONE MORE TIME

In equally distressing news Mickey Dosser was passing by and I invited him in just to see if he would go straight for the bubbles, which he of course did..

..a move so irresistible that Wyatt had to stop and swoon over him literally in the middle of his millionth Jojo apology. I’ve honestly never had a sim court death as persistently as Wyatt, dude straight up WANTS TO DIE.

-HOW DARE YOU WALTZ IN HERE AND TRY TO SEDUCE MY BOYFRIEND RIGHT BEFORE MY VERY EYES YOU VILE DISGUSTING SLOB

-Wut

-GET. OUT. BEFORE I STUFF YOU AND PUT YOU ON MY PORCH FOR HALLOWEEN

-Wyatt.. I sensed it was you.

-Of course, Jojό <3 I got your message, why did you send a raven, I’m just upstairs-

-SILENCE. I invited you here, to my favorite place on this entire wretched planet, the center around which revolves my very existence..

-..to ask you a very important question that I want you to CAREFULLY consider, taking into account that you’re standing next to the graves of the last people to betray me..

-Wyatt Monif, you must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you. Almost from the earliest moments of our acquaintance, I have come to feel for you a passionate admiration and regard, which despite all my struggles and your whoring around, has overcome every rational objection, and I beg you most fervently to relieve my suffering and consent to be my husband. Also to please ignore my brother woohooing in the hot tub behind us and ruining the moment.

-MON DIEU JOJÓ, OUI, OUI A THOUSAND TIMES OUI!! <3

-Wyatt.

-Oui? <3

-Please don’t make me murder you, ok? Promise?

-Never, Jojό!

AW, what a beautiful engagement you guys, I’m tearing up.

AND FINALLY, IT’S OVER. Gunther seriously graduated summa cum laude, how in the fucking world I legit dk but whatever!

The last supper.. The Union bros have all graduated and I’m gonna speed-play the rest through their last year. Also Daniel and Melody are bffs now, I didn’t even know they were talking but nice.

Time to go back where we came from! Ah, all grown up. It seems like yesterday they were toddlers surviving on cat food.

Brit is the youngest of the bunch and has the whole house to herself after Mel and Wyatt graduate, a situation she takes advantage of by ALMOST CHEATING WITH THE FUCKING LLAMA. BRIT ISTG

Finally, it’s time for Brit to leave our gross, incestuous cocoon. We’re gonna need a placeholder for the next generation tho, so as much as it pains me to say..

..it’s Frances time. Bitch literally scares Brit as she’s trying to resurrect him, way to make me doubt my merciful decision Fran!

Ugh great. Welcome back, Frances. I really did prefer you dead.

Yea, can’t make any promises there. I don’t know what kind of wave of kindness overcame me, but I felt bad for Fran being all alone so…

-I’M BACK BITCHES

Can’t believe we wasted 20k on these assholes but whatever. Time to grow up, Brit!

Oh yea, looking good! Taking the ‘on Wednesdays we wear pink’ rule to extreme lengths.

And we’re out of here, leaving the place in the capable hands of Fran and Ti-Ning, who immediately reconnect for a hot tub celebration of life.

So normally you’d think that would be the end of it and we’d get to the heir vote, right? RIGHT?

WRONG. Please bear with me through this incredible bullshit. So I’m taking the heir vote portraits, specifically Jojo’s, and everyone else is hanging around on the edges of this empty photoshoot lot, when suddenly the fight cloud appears. At first I think it’s Wyatt/Daniel aka business as usual but then I make the horrifying discovery that it’s.. DANIEL/BRIT.

As expected, the MINUTE I looked away, Gunther/Brit went for it in plain sight, leading to the eruption of a massive shitshow. I’m like ok w/e we’re basically in pre-heir vote limbo so it doesn’t count, I’ll just quit without saving. But THEN I take a look at Daniel’s panel.. AND SEE THIS:

I’ve literally no idea WTF HAPPENED, HOW IT HAPPENED, WHY, WHO MADE THE FIRST MOVE but the fact is that right after catching Gunther/Brit cheating, Melody and Daniel somehow got together even though they have never given any indication of being into each other and have one sole pathetic bolt. My best guess is 4-nice-points Melody went for it as a revenge but seriously WHAT THE FUCK

GOOD TIMES. At this point I’m obviously even more like ‘I’M GONNA QUIT WITHOUT SAVING’ so I’m just taking these pics for shits and giggles, but THEN I look at Gunther’s panel… and see probably the most disturbing want I’ve ever come across:

OK THEN. Reminder that Gunther’s secondary is PLEASURE so there’s literally no explanation for this shit except for legit. true love. As much planning as I did for these couples I’m like who am I to refuse A ROMANCE SIM’S engagement want???? I mean I also planned for Jojo to marry Frances and we all saw how that went. So I decide to save the game, even though it’s kinda unorthodox since it didn’t happen during actual gameplay but w/e, you just can’t ignore shit like that!!

So I revisit the lot the next day and am faced with a shitshow of cosmic proportions. The whole thing is like a bizzaro parallel universe, I mean you have Brit and Dan legit looking like they crossed over from the set of NLL..

..Gunther and Mel heartfarting over each other while also wanting to beat each other up..

..this torrid affair out in the open..

..AND WHATEVER THE FUCK THIS IS. I changed their turn-ons and now they have 3 bolts cause it felt like they really got the short end of the stick but I still can’t get over this bullshit happening in the first place. At least Jojo and Wyatt are having a good time! I guess at this point there’s only one thing left to do..

..simultaneous break ups! The couple that dumps their fiances together stays together.

Moving on to simultaneous crying/sighs of relief. If it seems like I’m halfassing this by not writing any dialogue it’s because I am, but I legit can’t, the whole situation is just too absurd to dramatize.

And now to complete the wife-swap..

Incredible. Now, hold on to your seats, everyone.. because the red ring memory..

IS NOT GUNTHER’S. WHAT IN THE NAME OF HELL. BRIT GOT A RED RING FROM HER ROMANCE SECONDARY BUT SOMEHOW GUNTHER DIDN’T??? Honestly I’m hardly a romantic but. TRUE LOVE. Or a glitch. Let’s go with true love.

And there you have it. The end of generation 1, which will live in the annals of history as the one where literally no one ended up with the person I had in mind for them and I might as well haven’t been there for all the control I had over these assholes.

NOW. TIME TO VOTE.

WHO WILL IT BE????

Head over to my lj for a handy guide to voting + the link to the poll. Thank you all for reading! <3

#ts2 #union legacy

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