#like obviously this is why i went on break clearly the break was necessary

[itstimeforstarwars]

I have written only 300 words in the last month and it was for cody day. This job is ruining my life.

[smad-lesbian]

Can you write smth for this trope?

Like, Ronica, who is voicing out her annoyance towards the Heathers but then someone she's with in the room voices their disdain for them loudly and very obnoxiously. And Veronica who suddenly forgot she shouldn't care about them as people glares and with the most condescending voice you would ever hear from her goes "Say that again."

And the Heathers may or may not have overheard.

YES, PROTECTIVE VERONICA MY BELOVED!!!

---

Veronica grumbled as she glared down at the note in her hand.

'Come to the parking lot after school, we need to get you actual clothes bitch

-H.C'

Veronica felt a falte of annoyance as she glanced at the note again, re-reading it as if it would magically change the words.

Well, it's not like she could ditch this time, she was already "on thin ice" since the party, if she missed this Chandler might show up at her house with an ax and murderous intent.

Veronica sighed in resignation. She opened her locker, with slightly more force than was necessary, cursing under her breath as she did.

"-Exactly! She obviously only got the position because of it, it makes sense, right Ronica?"

An obnoxious voice broke Veronica out of her thoughts. Veronica whipped around, facing the source of the voice, a shorter freshman, leaning against the locker beside her own, a far too cocky expression on his face, his friend, or at least Veronica assumed was his friend, standing on his left, wearing a notably more nervous expression.

"Pardon?" Veronica asked, raising an eyebrow at the young boy, not many people came up to her these days, at least not casually, everyone had left her alone since she joined the Heathers,apart from a few football players trying to gain a quick fuck or a country club kid trying to start small talk.

"Heather McNamara, everyone knows that she only made cheer captain because she spread her legs for the coach."

…

The kid was suicidal, it was the only possible explanation of why he would spout such bullshit, surely he wasn't that fucking stupid.

Veronica felt the thin sheet of patience she had left snap as she glared daggers at the kid.

The hallway went silent.

The freshman's friend, apparently the one with the common sense, looked Sorin wildly, seemingly searching for a possible escape route. The freshman himself still had a cocky grin on his face, apparently too stupid to realize he had just written his death in stone.

Veronica put her diary back into her locker turning to face the kid fully, her height now clearly displayed as she towered over the freshman.

"Say that again, even hint at it really, and I will make your life a living hell, you will be wishing for death by the time I'm done with you, I will make sure your can never even breathe normally again," Veronica said, her voice resembling a tone that you would use on a small child, it was loud enough for the freshman, and a couple of students that were nearby, to hear.

The confidence of the kid's face crumbled, his eyes now wide with fear as he stayed in shock at Veronica's word's.

"Do you understand me?" Veronica demanded more than asked, the kid could only nod rapidly.

"Good, now leave before I tear you a new asshole," Veronica said, apparently breaking whatever spell he had been under, making the kid scramble away, his friend close behind.

Veronica glared at them until they were no longer in her line of sight. Veronica turned back to her locker, reaching for her once again for her diary.

"Aww, who knew you were so protective, Sawyer."

Veronica froze momentarily at the familiar voice, she turned around to find Heather Chandler standing just across her, a smug smile spread on her face, just behind her were Duke, who had an unreadable expression, and Mac, who was completely red in the face.

Veronica's gaze lingered on Mac, was she sick? Embarrassed because of what the Gresham had said? That last thought made Veronica want to go in the hunt for the kid and make good on her promise.

"Come on now, we still have to go to the mall after all."

[whylovemaeu]

Be my Valentines!

Han Yujin x female!reader

DESCRIPTION: It was Valentine's Day, and the art teacher told the entire to make cards. One problem though, your best friend Yujin refuses to tell you who his card is for. Until the end of the school day when he promises he will tell you. Maybe being patient is very necessary for this one..

It was the first class on Valentine's Day, and obviously y/n’s art teacher announced to the class that they will all be making arts and crafts for the special day, while taking a break from the current projects. y/n smiled as she turned around to her table mate, who was clearly deep into listening to his teacher— Han Yujin.

“You all will decorate cards today for Valentine’s Day,” y/n’s art teacher said as she pulled up examples on the board. “I have all of the examples up at my desk, so if you would like to follow the examples, you can take a look.” The teachers kept blabbering about how it was important to put your heart into the cards to give to someone. 

“Yujin, who are you making the card for?” y/n beamed as Yujin turned to y/n. Yujin’s ears turned red as he turned away from y/n. “Heyyy, tell me who you are giving your card to!” y/n whined as she shook Yujin’s card.

“Not you,” Yujin said as he went up to the table and grabbed the materials. y/n pouted as she followed him as well.

_

After gathering the materials, the duo got straight to work on their cards. Yujin was drawing cupids on his card, as y/n cutted out cute hearts. y/n pouted again as she turned to Yujin.

“Just tell me who it is for!” y/n whined as Yujin sighed.

“Not for you,” Yujin said as he brushed y/n off. Yujin took y/n’s colored pencils from her pencil case, and started coloring on his card. It wasn’t fair. Yujin was a great artist, and he was drawing everything y/n liked.. y/n pouted again as she went back to making her card. Yujin looked over at y/n, something about her was just.. Sad. Did he go too far? He is definitely going to make it up, right?

_

“Yujin! Yujin! Look at my card!” y/n beamed as Yujin turned to look. “Doesn’t it look so cute!”

“It sure does,” Yujin replied as he finished his card.

“I really wished you could tell me who that card is for, it looks really nice,” y/n pouted.

“Don’t guilt trip me,” Yujin sighed. “If you stop asking, I’ll tell you after school.”

“Okay!” y/n jumped as she started to pack up the art materials. Yujin smiled as little things like that always managed to cheer up y/n. Yujin was deep into his thoughts, and only stopped when y/n waved her hand in front of Yujin. Yujin snapped out his thoughts and composed himself.

“Jeez, you were daydreaming so hard,” y/n giggled. “What were you even daydreaming about?”

“Nothing, I’m tired,” Yujin said. “Look, we have our next class, so let's pay attention!” Yujin was thankful that you often got distracted easily by teachers. His blush remained on his cheeks as he flipped through his notebook to take his notes while trying to avoid eye contact with y/n.

_

School had long been over, but y/n was nowhere to be seen. Yujin was leaning on the sidewalk, near the school entrance, where you can clearly see him. A lot of the students had already gone home, but not y/n. Yujin was sure of it, he came out much earlier. Did she really just ditch Yujin? No she couldn’t have, she said that she was going to walk home with Yujin today. Just then when Yujin was deep inside his thoughts, he felt a light smack on the arm. y/n! 

“Why are you spacing out so much today? I’m getting quite worried. Are you feeling alright?” y/n asked as she looked to see if Yujin had any injuries.

“I’m–” Yujin tried saying but paused. “I’m fine, I’m just. I uhm. I wanted to tell you who my card is for.” y/n paused and remembered.

“Right! I kind of forgot, but tell me, who is the lucky person!” y/n asked as Yujin sighed as he grabbed the things behind him.

“You.” Yujin said with a red face as he gave you a small plushie with the valentines card. “I.. Can you be my Valentine’s y/n? I know you’re my best friend, but I really like you. I promise you won’t regret it. y/n’s face beamed as she took the plushie and card and gave Yujin a big squeeze.

“Of course! I like you too!” Yujin smiled. It was the response he wanted to hear.

author note: hi thank u for reading this ^^ i do have a plan to start writing shorter stories for zb1, then getting into the bigger series. i might start a smau soon after i figure out a plot and apps, but please leave any tips and suggestions if you have any! thank u for reading again!!

[alicedash2]

What if the different pirates crew had a den!teen!reader with dark impulses like Mikey from Tokyo revengers? Like it’s so bad they all gotta pull her off cause the body is unrecognizable? But they help through it when she’s feeling from time to time.

Ok!!

(I didn't understand the ask very well, so I'm going to do the white beard and the straw hats) I hope you like it ♥️🌹

Ps: I'm going to do the characters separately, so consider this one as a bonus and obviously, I don't know which characters and which crew, so I'm going to do the white beard and the straw hats :)

Strawhat x y/n with dark impulses

WHITEBEARD'S CREW

YN was someone so sweet and kind, always helping her crewmates, of course, she was just any teenager, that's what people thought!

But

It was just a few steps for her to become unrecognizable.

Once the WhiteBeard crew anchored on an island, YN was already kind of different, kind of reclusive and quiet, she decided to explore the island alone, they thought YN just wanted some time alone, because everyone needs some time alone, but, Newgate knew something was wrong, and sent Ace to follow YN

- There's something wrong...- the captain said seeing YN his daughter disappearing from his vision

- what is it, oyaji? - Ace asks, approaching the captain

- Ace, go follow YN, there's something wrong, very wrong - Newgate's instincts are never wrong, Ace didn't contradict and went to follow SN, even without knowing the reason, maybe for YN's safety? But YN was very strong, he could protect himself

YN left just wandering, until he got close to a bar, outside, there was a group of pirates outside, and nearby there was an alley

- what a beautiful thing we have here - one of these pirates approaches

-she looks very young, do you want to come with us? - the other follows behind, YN doesn't say anything

- You know little girl, I have a reward of 45,000 berries, I think you'd better not say anything and just follow us- he raises a gun in front of YN, who doesn't react, just enters the dark alley nearby, Ace follows, knowing that how someone responsible, must protect those he loves, he keeps running, but before he gets there, he stops at the sound of screams

-YN? Incredible, you killed everyone, let's get out of here, I'm hungry- Ace said

- knew she could protect herself, what's the problem? -Ace wondered as he approached

But YN wouldn't stop, even though she already had the losers, YN wouldn't stop

- you already defeated, why continue? Come on- Ace approached, who followed hitting and breaking bones of each one, kicking the wall in the most brutal way.

- YN, enough! Let's get out of here! - Ace starts to say something, the peak is when SN starts to dismember the pirate group, without listening to Ace's commands

Ace is worried and runs towards YN, YN never did something so brutal, so really the captain was right about following YN

Ace grabs her by the arm and pulls her away, but YN breaks free and starts attacking Ace.

- What are you doing?! Stop this! - Said Ace while trying to arrest YN, who was no longer following any orders at that moment, YN looks into Ace's eyes, Ace clearly sees that YN was no longer the kind person and sweet at that moment

- calms down - Ace crouches down together with YN in a hug, maybe it would get better?

good, a little

Ace manages to bring YN back to the ship, which was still the captain.

- oyaji, there's something very wrong with YN! She didn't obey my orders and acted brutally, she never did anything like that! - Ace said with YN in his arms, preventing her from leaving

- I knew something was going to happen, what happened?- Captain Whitebeard asked with a serious face

- YN always fought calmly, never hurting beyond the limit beyond what was necessary, but YN practically killed a bunch of rookie pirates! Oyaji, she's out of her mind- - YN manages to break free, however, ends up hurting Ace, kicking him in the head and making him fall face down on the ground, before anything could happen, other stronger crew members grab YN to immobilize her, but he also manages to go out fighting them, in a brutal way

-YN! - Newgate screams, making YN come back to reality

-What does she think what is she doing? Fighting each other is prohibited on this ship! - Whitebeard says with an annoyed look

- What? But I didn't-- Ace! Thatch! Vista! Oh my God, what did I do? I'm sorry! - YN said

As she went to them worried

-oyaji! I did not do it! I can't believe I did this- YN had tears in her eyes, YN would never raise a hand against the crew

- YN-yoi - Marco approaches

-Marco, sorry, I would never do that!-YN said, as if she was trying to convince

- I know, let's try to solve this, go to the infirmary - March said leaving close

- try to apologize to them later - Marco said

- Ah, ok... - YN follows Marco to the infirmary, there, YN says he has it when he feels very shaken, in a fight or even at random times, it's something that YN can't control, after explaining, Marco says that YN better get some sleep while he goes to talk to the captain

- Pops, what should we do? - Marco asked the captain

- I've never seen anything like that in someone so small - Newgate spoke while thinking

- that's right, I think it would be someone to stay with her, I know she can try to fight, but, she just stopped when I suddenly screamed, maybe, screaming something that reminds her of herself, the right thing would be to immobilize her there and bring her her back to the ship- Newgate would say, Marco, having no other idea, nods

- try to make her not remember the traumatic past, this could be one of the main triggers - Newgate gave the last warning

- and when is it suddenly? - Marco asked

- someone will have to stay close, following her, maybe, knowing that YN is being followed makes her how to hold that dark impulse, and fight against this impulse so that it doesn't give problems- Newgate says while sitting in his armchair

- just don't let her feel alone, she's suffered enough - Newgate spoke

°••°•°•

The days went by, YN was back to who she was, the crew helped her not to have that dark impulse, however uncertain it was, they tried to follow the captain's advice, at least they managed to immobilize and bring YN back to the sea. ship when it happens, or try to bring YN back depending on the situation, rare moments it crosses the line.

ps: YN apologized to vista and Ace

Strawhats

YN was from the Straw Hats and the youngest among them, not that that was a problem, she was very strong, but recently, YN was acting strange and more violent, which was strange, Chopper, Nami and Robin realized that, Chopper thought it was some disorder that YN had and decided to research it, Nami warned Luffy and the rest of the crew to keep watch over YN

°•°°•••°•°•

Once, on an island they were on, everyone got separated, the Navy was after the crew because of Luffy's rampage, but no one was around YN, and anything that irritated YN could make her unrecognizable.

YN was in a square, just sitting, trying to come to her senses, when a group of navy men found her.

- YN from the straw hat crew, we finally found you, get up and come with us- before anything, in a slight moment, YN defeats him by pinning him to the ground, the sailors are scared, but they start shooting at YN, only she dodges so easily and defeats them in less than 20 seconds

Zoro, who was lost and didn't even know there were marines, spots YN

- What happened? Why is the Navy here? - Zoro asks YN, who doesn't answer

- Do what you want, let's look for Luffy, he got lost again - said Zoro as he walked in front, but YN attacks him from behind, in a short moment, Zoro manages to get rid of YN's hands

- I will kill you - said YN with a lifeless and dark look

- what do you mean?! What are you doing?! Idiot!- Zoro prepared to fight if necessary

YN was unrecognizable, covered in blood and with an insane look on Zoro's face.

But-

- ZOROOOOOOOOOOOO -

a voice is heard getting louder, before they could reason, Zoro and YN feel something hitting them, due to the impact, YN manages to regain some sanity

- we need to run, the Navy is after me! - Luffy said taking YN and Zoro, Zoro on his back and YN being held in his arms

- Luffy, be careful with YN, that maniac tried to fight me! - Zoro tried to speak

- What did YN do? - Luffy asked

- she attacked me from behind, there were many marines lying on the ground because of her - Zoro said with an angry look

Luffy stretches his free arm and hangs from a building.

- Awesome, YN! You almost fought Zoro! HAHA - Luffy laughed as the rubber man climbed the building, causing him to break most of the top of the building

-THIS IS NOT SURPRISING-Zoro yelled at Luffy as he was also taken along.

°•°•°°°°••°•

-I knew this would happen- Nami said

-happend what?- Luffy asked.

-but you're slow, huh? That impulse from YN, makes her violent!- Nami said

- I thought it was an explosive disorder, but it seems that it is much more tense and serious - Chopper said with a worried look.

- What should we do, Nami? - Usopp asked

- I don't know, we should think while she sleeps, she'll recover her sanity as soon as she wakes up - said Nami sitting on the couch

"Maybe someone should keep her, if it happens again, bring her back to the ship," Brook said.

"But we won't always be able to get her back on the ship," said Robin.

- Luffy, you who are the captain stay with her - said Nami

-Why?"- Luffy pouted

- she can help you too, so just bring her back, making her fight will spend a lot of her energy and make her recover sanity -

Nami said

-What if it happens inside the ship? - Chopper said

- Brook can try to sing one of YN's favorite songs, maybe it will help?- Robin asked

- how shall we do? We have to somehow make her calm down, maybe Luffy can, we can see if there's a trigger for that to happen- Sanji said, with his cigarette in his mouth

- Why me?!- Luffy complains

- because you are the captain!- Nami said irritated

-aah! Nami!- Luffy complained more

-YN! You better fight those urges! - Luffy said angry

- as if it were easy!- YN shouted back

-Looks like YN woke up- Robin said with a smile.

- even I don't know for sure how to control it! - YN said angry

- perhaps with another boost or hit? She only recovered after Luffy hit her hard - Robin spoke, they looked at each other

- maybe it's possible? - Nami spoke

-Let's try-Robin answered back.

- AHW! THIS IS SUPEEEER problematic.- said Franky

°•°°••°°••°•°••••°•°•°°

They tried various ways to help with YN's dark impulse, however uncertain it was, they tried, getting little results, but sometimes, also helping you to control the dark impulse, it's hard to know if there's a way to reverse the situation, so just helping to control it is already a big step!

[babygirl-diaz]

Samtember Day 05: Fishing | Camping

818 words | Rated G | @samsseptember

((I chose camping for this prompt and made it a bit of an au))

Sam swung side to side on the hammock with a book in hand, his twin toddlers on either side of him, and a look of concern on his face. He wasn’t actually reading the book. He was instead busy watching his husband trying to put together the tent and failing miserably at it. 

“I got this, Sam,” Steve had insisted. “You just go ahead and read to the boys.” 

And so Sam did. “Do you need help?” He asked around 10 minutes ago. 

“No! I can do this!” Steve replied, a little angrier than he probably intended to sound. 

Sam put up his hands in surrender and went back to reading until the kids fell asleep. Sam loved his husband with all his heart, but the guy was terrible with directions and more stubborn than necessary. First, he got them lost while driving, and now Sam’s city-boy husband was trying to put together a tent he clearly did not know how to put together. 

Sam could see when the tent left Steve exasperated and close to tears. But he still didn’t ask for help. Stubborn to a fault. So Sam took pity on him and carefully got up, which obviously woke up the twins. They stared at Sam with their big brown eyes. “Boys, do you wanna help Daddy put together the tent?” He asked them. 

“Yes!” the boys said together and scrambled to get out of the hammock. The older one, Riley, almost fell, but then steadied himself and went over to Steve. Sam put James on the ground before getting out of the hammock himself. 

“Eight hands are better than two,” Sam told Steve, who looked like he was ready to protest once again. 

Steve sighed, and his shoulders dropped in defeat. “Fine,” he mumbled. 

Between the four of them (more like the two. Riley and James got bored after 2 minutes and started chasing each other instead), they put the tent together with a lot of help from YouTube and a minimal amount of crying and screaming. 

They spent the rest of the night playing with the kids in the lake and then reading to them until they fell asleep, asking more questions than either Sam or Steve could ever answer. 

Sam got out of the tent and went to sit by the lake, a couple of feet from them, and look out at the dark night sky. It was so peaceful here. Such a stark contrast to the hustle and bustle of their daily lives. Sam enjoyed being Captain America. He did. But sometimes he wished he could just take a break. 

A couple of minutes later, he felt something on his shoulders and looked up to find Steve putting a blanket on him. 

“What’s going on in that pretty little head of yours?” Steve asked as he sat down beside Sam. 

Sam rested his head on Steve’s shoulder, as he said, “I’m not a camping guy, but I sure do wanna start now.” 

“I can’t believe I turned you into a camping guy,” Steve teased. 

“You didn’t, city boy. But this trip sure did.” 

“Hey!” Steve huffed, offended, but then laughed. “I’m sorry about earlier. I shouldn’t have yelled at you, and I should have asked for help. I just wanted to be the one to do this, you know?” 

Sam looked up at Steve and frowned. ‘Why?” 

“You’re Cap, but you’re also so much more. You can do so much more. But my identity starts and ends with that damn shield. It’s been 7 years since I retired, but I haven’t been able to make anything of myself.” 

“I thought you enjoyed being a stay-at-home dad,” Sam said, worried. 

“No, I do,” Steve was quick to assure him. “I love being a stay-at-home dad. I love looking after the two rascals. But I also wanna be able to put a tent together, you know?” Steve ducked his head as he added, “I’m not making any sense, am I?” 

“No, you are, babe,” Sam told him. “Let’s make one thing clear. You are much more than that shield. You are a dad, a husband, a goddamn pillar of our Delacroix community. Just because you can’t put a tent together, doesn’t mean that you’re any less. Today, your sons saw you asking for help when you were stuck and you know they learned?” 

Sam stopped and looked at Steve, who shook his head. 

“They learned that it’s important to ask for help when you can’t do something by yourself. Kids are visual learners and now when they get stuck on something, instead of trying to figure it out on their own, they’ll ask for help.” 

Steve said nothing for a while, but then he grinned and said, “Why are you so smart?” 

“You really scored yourself a deal, didn’t you?” Sam joked. 

“That I did,” Steve replied and captured Sam’s lips in a kiss. 

[1moremilgram-enjoyer]

Welcome back!!! It’s nice to see a post from you again :)

Something I’m very curious about: in your latest theory, you said “While I don’t think regret is necessary for forgiveness (I’m the “Local Amane Momose Apologist” for a reason), it is important for forgiveness that I can believe they won’t continue to do the same bad thing in the future, which is not the case with Kotoko.”

Do you believe that Amane wouldn’t kill someone again if released? If so, why?

Hey there! Nice to see you as well, I missed you all :D

Okay so the question:

CW Child abuse, cults and indoctrination, murder, psychological torment (Guilty verdict)

So, first, I want to say that the way I worded that was… not the greatest. I made it sound like there’s some sort of hard rules I go by to judge whether someone is forgivable or not, which is… obviously impossible. Forgiveness is a very subjective, inherently biased, complex thing, and trying to set any kind of guidelines for how it works is never going to go well.

With that stated, I would like to rephrase my original wording a bit to try to avoid further confusion. The new phrasing is:

“One of the more important things I take into consideration when deciding whether I can forgive someone for a bad deed or not, is whether or not I can reasonably believe they would not perform the same bad deed again without significant external pressure. Or at the very least, that they will attempt to not do it again”

(I added “without significant external pressure” because everyone is capable of doing really bad stuff out of desperation, so if I didn’t I wouldn’t be able to forgive anyone ever lol.

You’ll notice, though, “significant external pressure” is extremely vague and subjective, which is by design. What counts as “significant external pressure” in my eyes varies greatly depending on the severity of the action, the person who committed it, among other things)

Now it makes a bit more sense to apply it to Amane, who was clearly under significant external pressure both when she killed her mother, as she was being downright tortured, and when she tried to kill Es in her second VD, as she was suffering from the psychological torment of a Guilty verdict.

But that’s not really what you asked, it’s just something I wanted to clarify. You asked if I believe that Amane wouldn’t kill again if released, and quite frankly, I think it’s unlikely (though not outright impossible). Barring extremes, of course. You could argue she would kill her father if he starts doing the same things her mother did, which, fair, but I’m sorta expecting Amane to get sent off somewhere else (and hopefully way better) if she returns from Milgram. She did murder her mother, I would imagine she’s not going to be allowed to live with her father after that (maybe? idk).

The main reason why is that Amane is only shown as openly hostile when she’s under pretty extreme psychological stress. She’s usually pretty patient, even with the people who annoy her:

[Timelines 13/6/20]

Shidou: If everything about MILGRAM is true… why did a child like you have to become a murderer? Just imagining what sort of circumstances must have led to that, it makes me so sad…

Amane: *sigh*. Is that right. I don’t think I’m going to get along with you, Shidou-san. […] Please give me back my test. It seems you don’t have the concentration levels required to be my teacher. I’m going to get Kotoko-san to teach me instead.

Not to mention her first VD, where Es constantly annoys her in one way or another and Amane doesn’t react negatively until the end, where Es forcefully grabs her. Basically, Amane is pretty good at keeping a level head when things aren’t going her way, especially for her age.

And even after the Guilty verdict, she’s only hostile towards those who’ve slighted her personally. Amane wouldn’t kill someone just for breaking doctrine.

Let me use Fuuta as an example. He’s someone who very explicitly went again Amane’s doctrine, having received medical attention and thus having “ran away from God’s trials.” He also enjoys frivolous things like social media, which Amane’s cult might consider “vulgar,” breaking Gozake’s ordainment. Not to mention he’s a murderer (though it’s unclear how much Amane knows about his situation), which obviously goes against Riyone’s ordainment.

And yet, despite him breaking doctrine so blatantly, Amane still wants to help him.

(T2) Q12: What do you think of Kajiyama Fuuta?

Amane: He is lost and in pain. I should help him.

Of course she does, she wants everyone to be happy. That’s one of her main motivations as a character, it’s why she covered Positive Parade (I made a post about that)

[Magic]

I hope, I hope everyone can be happy and smile

Yes, her methods are misguided and harmful, they can cause a lot of damage if left unchecked. But ultimately, pretty much everything she does, she does it because she thinks it will make people happy, either in this life or the next.

However, generally speaking, murdering someone is seen as somewhat counterproductive to their happiness. Which means Amane isn’t very keen on it, usually. Things have to go really wrong for her to really consider it, and even then she’d only consider it if someone offends her personally.

A Guilty verdict counts as “things going really wrong,” of course, and both Shidou and Es have offended her in different situations. But even when she’s subjected to constant psychological torture, she still has some patience. Not much patience, mind you, but it’s there.

[Timelines 24/10/22]

Amane: Kirisaki Shidou. How long do you plan on continuing this foolish behaviour?

Shidou: I wonder what you might be referring to there. I’m just doing what I need to do. If anything, I’d be happy if you would lend me a hand.

Amane: I warned you. I can no longer turn a blind eye to this wickedness taking place right in front of us. You’re bringing ruin unto yourself. Do you understand?

She warns Shidou instead of attacking him outright, which isn’t great… but it’s not murder! Yet.

A similar thing happens with Es. In Of Blessedness and Punishment, Amane begins relatively calm, and doesn’t get violent until Es denies the concept that they’re talking to anyone but Amane, which she (they?) see as an insult.

[Of Blessedness and Punishment]

Amane: But we are generous. For now, let us make some time for a conversation with you. After all, our history is one that is built on dialogue.

Keep in mind, this is with the T1 Guilty.

So let me put it this way. Everyone has a certain limit of “shit they can take” before they decide to murder someone. Everyone, no exceptions. We’ve seen Amane reach that limit in her home life (perfectly understandable imo) and in Milgram. The question is: were she to be released, would Amane face anything bad enough for her to reach her limit again?

Call me an optimist, but seeing how patient she usually is, I like to believe there’s a solid chance she doesn’t. I’m not sure what Amane’s future outside of Milgram holds (provided she’s not already dead or anything like that), but as long as it’s better than the Hell Prison Guilty Verdict, I’d say there’s a solid chance she doesn’t kill anyone again. Especially since she’s still very young and could potentially become better at regulating her more murderous tendencies with age. Better than she already is anyways.

(I don’t have any way of knowing whether or not that would happen, I just see it as a reasonable assumption)

Again, I do think it’s possible she would murder again if things get pretty bad, but there’s really no way to know how bad things have to get before that happens. After all, again, anyone would murder if things get bad enough.

That’s why ultimately (and quite ironically), a lot of it comes down to how much faith you have in Amane, how much faith you have that she will get through life without murdering again. We simply have no way of knowing for sure whether or not she will. But I like to assume the best in people, especially children for obvious reasons (yes I’m pulling the child card again you can’t stop me), so for now I’m assuming she won’t kill again.

I don’t know if that was perfectly coherent, but I hope that answers the question regardless! Take care!

[morning-softness]

So I’ve been relistening to TMA Season 2 because I’m writing a fic set in that time. And I’d kind of forgotten how much stuff happens that even at the end of the season doesn’t really get explained clearly.

Like the web table. How much does it even do to bind the Not!Them? The Not!Sasha said it had Breekon and Hope bring the table around so it could still get people—like Graham and later Sasha—so does it just limit how far from the table this thing can travel without taking someone? Obviously after it’s taken someone it can travel a good distance, like going to Madame Tussaud’s on a lunch break. So at that point what was the table even doing to bind it?

And what was the Not!Them even at the Institute for in the first place? The Not!Sasha said it “was sent there to steal all its secrets,” but that means what exactly? To spy on Jon? On Elias? (I can’t imagine Jonah Magnus would have let it run around unchecked if he really thought it was a threat to him.) To find Leitner? (It was certainly looking for something in the tunnels.) To see how far along the team was in trying to stop the Unknowing? (Not far at all, they’d barely heard the term.) And was the Not!Sasha leaving chalk arrows to confuse Jon, or was it just using them to navigate the tunnels and confused Jon incidentally?

Also, I kind of get from a “collecting marks” perspective that bringing the table into the Institute could have resulted in a Stranger mark for Jon. But I don’t know that it actually did. In what way did having the Not!Sasha there mark Jon? It never physically hurt him, and he wasn’t the one who could see that Sasha had been replaced. (Did digging the dead worms out of him while he was unconscious count?) Or did he get his mark from the Stranger later, during his kidnapping in Season 3? If anything, Jon’s paranoia in Season 2 drove him into the Spiral (both figuratively, and literally in the sense that he went through Michael’s door to try to escape the Not!Sasha), but the table wasn’t really necessary for that; Michael was already hanging around, and I imagine Jon would have been marked when Micheal stabbed him in their argument after Helen’s statement.

And had Leitner been regularly coming up into the Institute to look for Gertrude’s file ever since her death? And just nobody noticed before? (I mean, I guess Jonah was chill with someone skulking around the tunnels as long as it didn’t actually interfere with his plans, but Martin was living in the Archives.) Or did he only start after Prentiss’s attack for some reason?

And why did Jonah hide a bunch of Gertrude’s important tapes with her body in the tunnels, when he knew someone who had been helping Gertrude was living down there? (At least, from the way he talks about it in episode 80 it sounds like he knew someone was down there, just not that it was Leitner.) Why not hide them anywhere else that would have been easy for him to access but not for Gertrude’s secret helper to stumble on and steal? (Did Leitner never stumble on the room with Gertrude’s body in all the time he was down there? Or did he, and was Leitner the one who hid the tapes there, and not Jonah? Or was that orchestrated by the Web somehow since the tapes are kind of their thing?)

Anyway, for all the fandom discourse I’ve seen about Jon not figuring out everything in Season 2, I’d like to say that even with my knowledge from having listened to the full series, I’m still not entirely sure what the heck was going on.

[moononastring]

I love Gigi’s Tea Time and I’m actually in need of some friends to talk to so I hope you’re cool with me just word vomiting at you for a minute.

Me and my friend Matt have known eachother since we were 14 and we’re 27 now so it’s been a long time. We went to school together, worked together for like 8 years, he lived with me at one point for a few weeks because he was in a rough spot and now we’re work out buddies.

We HAVE NEVER been more than friends EVER. We started losing weight together in January and both have lost over 70 pounds and we’re looking good feeling good all that jazz.

He asked me to go to a wedding with him a few months ago and it was today and we went. I was assuming as friends because in all this time we’ve never so much as like thought about kissing or anything. Yeah we hug but I hug all my friends.

I know most of his family and we were all talking and his mom comes up and is like I’m so glad you guys finally got together. When I say I almost spit my drink out I literally started choking. I explained we were just friends still and apparently he was telling his family we were together. I confronted him about it and he didn’t even deny it and told me to my face that he had always thought I was the “perfect girl for him” but he just never found me attractive until now. This wedding was over an hour away from home so I just sort of let it simmer and tried to just brush it off. But now that I’m home I’ve been like sobbing for an hour because not only was that just heart breaking to me but also I feel like I just don’t even want to be friends with someone I really cared about and it sucks so bad. I just want to know if I’m over reacting because it just felt so mean to me and like our whole relationship has been… idk: like I was so good personality wise and now that he finds me attractive he thinks he’s entitled to me? Idk I’ve just never been more upset at something someone has said to me and he didn’t even think it was wrong. 😭 He tried to kiss me at the wedding and when he dropped me off at home and I just avoided it and now he’s texting me asking me what’s wrong and I don’t even know how to respond 😭 like do I explain hey you’re an asshole? Do I just let it go? Ugh.

Oh darling, I'm sorry the night didn't turn out the way you expected it!

First of all, congratulations on that weight loss journey! That's a huge deal and you casually said it like over 70 pounds isn't a massive achievement! I hope you're feeling your healthiest yet and feeling amazing in your body!

Second of all, you are not overreacting. I'm sorry that he said that to you. It was very unkind and rude. Your feelings are absolutely valid and I'm always going to tell anyone in a situation like this — that this is something you want to hash out.

You've been friends with this person for SO long and clearly, he's been a good guy for all the time you've known him. Because of that, I think it's a situation that deserves an explanation. For your sake first, I would encourage you to have a conversation only to clear things up and figure out boundaries for this friendship. He needs to understand why what we said/did was wrong and how it hurt you. He made a decision about the two of you without including you in it, which was very bold and disrespectful. He never asked you out? You two have never discussed anything about being more than friends? Why does he think that it automatically means you're together? He's making moves on you without once discussing it or asking you if this is what you want. He needs to take several steps back because it seems like he crossed the line with you.

I obviously don't know either of you personally and you'll know him and the nature of your relationship better than I ever would but I think in order to see how you feel and where you stand in this friendship moving forward, a conversation is necessary. Some guys really are that dumb and if he's been a part of your life for this long, it needs to be explained. I don't recommend over text. If you're up for replying, tell him y'all need to talk about what happened today because you ended the night feeling unhappy and unsettled. From there, see when you feel comfortable talking about it with him. Don't wait too long to talk it out because it'll fester.

But more importantly, don't you dare let his lack of tact/brain make you feel any less amazing about yourself. You are amazing on the inside, and you are amazing on the outside. Just because HE happened to realize NOW that you've been attractive all along, doesn't mean anything other than he's been blind lol.

Again, I'm sorry what he did/said made you feel this way. You're doing amazing and you seem like such a great friend to him. Let yourself process how you feel for the rest of the night and even tomorrow then address it. If it made you feel like this, it's not something that should be brushed under the rug.

Feel your feels my darling but then set him straight when you're feeling calm and ready to talk it out.

I heart you bby <3

[egg-emperor]

as you are the eggman guy, i have a question/wondering that i’d like to share if that’s good! so in the idw release during the virus arc, eggman says that it was “kind of” nice being mr tinker. now i don’t really think he’s saying that with the intent of “being good” or that he wishes to return to that lifestyle, rather i think that he thought it was nice simply due to the fact that sonic and co weren’t there to constantly harass/and or beat him at his things. what do you think of this perspective? :O would love to hear!

Love being known as the Eggman guy and that you wanna ask for my perspective because of it hsbdkghfhbsnfkgd I appreciate the interest in my thoughts 💖

I would really like to believe that's what they were going for. But it still remains one of my most despised scenes because of how they handled it, regardless of the possible intentions in the end. Having him think back to the nice things he did as Tinker in that way and the look on his face with that pause made everyone interpret it in the most OOC ways that I heavily dislike lol. So they clearly didn't make it obvious enough, if it's what they were going for. In the end, I'd say that it wasn't needed as it didn't go anywhere and all it did was fuel some people's misconceptions.

If they'd have just kept it at this, then it would've been perfect

Now that's Eggman, scoffing and mocking the idea. I can only see him thinking it was ridiculous and silly and mocking it, as well as possibly secretly being a little embarrassed at how being seen in that state can be damaging to his status as a great threat to be deeply feared because he's been seen acting goofy, nice, helpful, and harmless, which goes far beyond anything he's done in all his deceit and propaganda. And he wouldn't like how it was actually genuine as Tinker and not within in his control and choice as his true self. He was genuinely delusional, as he later went on to describe himself in that state.

I like the idea of the reason why he reflected like this being that he thinks it was just nice and relaxing to not get trouble from Sonic and friends like it was a little break or something, like you said. But in that case, the wording in the rest of it was still bad, they could've omitted everything he said in between his mockery of the idea and saying that the life was at least relaxing, if there were any upsides at all. (I can't even post the page again because it bothers me that much, you know what part I'm talking about. XD) He should've just said it was simple and relaxing at the very most, in terms of it being stress-free and not being pestered by Sonic and friends- well, for the most part.

That moment of silence and expression after also wasn't necessary because even if it was supposed to just get Sonic's hopes up for a second, just for Eggman to prove he isn't genuinely considering it, they still didn't handle it right with how people could interpret it that way. Then with that part removed, he could've still said he's doing something better now and it would've been good if he said it's much more exciting too. Because as much as I like to imagine he enjoys much needed relaxation, he'd think the idea of living an entire lifestyle like that would be boring. Even worse when wasting his skills and intelligence doing things for others instead of himself, which also would've been good for him to mention.

But something that also bugs me is the part about "bringing peace and unity to the world" because Sonic knows it isn't true and not what he really wants. He doesn't see world peace and world domination as the same thing and a video for a rollercoaster ride understands better than this. It doesn't make sense that he'd be saying this to Sonic unless it was obviously mockingly too, as it's something he'd only say to manipulate, deceive, and use as propaganda and it wouldn't work on Sonic, who obviously already knows his tricks. I don't like the idea that he genuinely thinks he's doing anything good for anyone but himself, it's never been true in the games as he's deeply selfish and without a thought for anyone else.

And I dislike the reference to Open Your Heart where Eggman says to "agree to disagree" on Sonic saying his style is evil. He KNOWS he's evil lmfao, this is supposed to be a non canon adaption of the games in which he's described himself and his actions as evil, come on! It's painful for them to seem to imply that he doesn't with this. And if they actually weren't, they didn't make it clear enough and I don't think it makes sense for him to say it to Sonic of all people in this context. The only true part of that, existing right in the verse they quoted, is that Eggman won't change his style because he'll never become a good guy. But he absolutely knows his way is evil and that isn't the reason why he won't, it's because evil is his genuinely preferred and enjoyed style and he doesn't have good in him.

Anyway I couldn't help but rant a little about the part that comes right after too, since I'm talking about the scene in more detail for the first time in a whiiile because I like to pretend it doesn't exist (it's fine that you asked though and I'm okay with answering, it is about time that I put more of my thoughts on it out there.) XD I like your perspective which is also what I want to see it as but unfortunately, the mass majority of people didn't take it that way from what I've seen. Regardless of their possible intentions with that moment of reflection and the Open Your Heart reference after, he was either actually genuinely written OOC there, or they didn't make it clear enough for people to not be able to interpret it in a very OOC way regardless. So I really think they should've been more careful about how they presented it. If there is a chance it was the former, I really hope they make that clearer in the future.

But since Eggman's portrayal in #50 finally looked up and he really felt like himself in this comic for the first time in ages with his competency, intelligence, and skills faithfully intact and utilized brilliantly, I'm hoping it continues from here. It would be great to get more good in character moments that begin to help make up for the prior OOC moments and inaccuracies and such, since they were damaging to how people see him. They can fix it if they decided to go with this perspective and make it 100% clear, so it can't be interpreted in any other way. He deserves the respect and spotlight where the truths of his character will shine and I really hope be gets it! I'll be so happy if he does, all I ask is for is for more game faithful Eggman at his best, most entertaining and lovable self 💜

[jonathankatwhatever]

It’s 5:25AM on 8 Dec 2023, and I’m trying to read the cat’s mind, which is impossible because he doesn’t know it himself. I think he may actually just want to stare out the window. I sat down to give him space to make a decision, and it’s a bit of affection and staring out the window for rabbits. I know the last part because I chased away a few when I was outside with him at 4:35. There are a lot of rabbits now that the coyotes have killed the feral cats.

I just did the best physical stretches since I was a child: I got into a variety of really deep squats from the perspective of first completely folding over and then dropping the hips while bent all the over, and then getting into various positions to rise from. Like one was with the weight centered at the point in the foot where it hinges so I drove my body up timed to the lifting of the rib cage, emulating a ski jumper coming off the slope on the big hill, trying to get that snap and thus force into the movement, experienced as smooth and continuous rather than as bang it happened. A quickie. My mind and sexuality. A quickie can take many forms. What does that mean? A quickie can be for the effect, for the release of a tension which is enacting, which perhaps is being displaced into the act and thus action. A quickie can enact intimacy within a relationship, so there’s a grabbed moment which shares the attribute of being different because you can’t choose your relatives but you can choose whom you are intimate with and the degree to which that intimacy runs and to which it is kept a mutual secret.

Another form is the stolen moment. These are all recognized literary tropes. I can’t make up new ones because the universe we know is finite, is constructed, and thus has a history. That’s why this entire over-turning of history conception is truly the devil’s work. It’s a refusal to accept results. Like if Dewey were still contesting the loss to Truman. Like it’s a rematch between Ali and. Frazier. Don’t you love my dated references? You can attach newer ones. The first is obviously Trump, so the idea is to imagine that Truman and Dewey were immortal and each election is between them because they each refuse to accept defeat. You can see the Alternation there, meaning refusal to accept defeat continues a state of conflict, a perpetual war which breaks out from time to time, You can thus see the choice.

I’ve been waiting for a big leap in Storyline because the huge simplifications of the last few days carry implications which need to be expressed in Storyline. And this time it went: they talk and she talks independently about how she studied him, and I could see this now from the 2 sides, which is clearly (!) an expression of the 2Square conception described yesterday. That deserves another ! That is, the orthogonal 2Square expresses into and maps to the 1Square scale. One way is that the walls are 1Square, so the orthogonal value of 2Square flips open to the image of a gs. This just takes the inversion idea, stands it straight at you so you can see anything but the one End, then flips it open. All those states exist because we have these scales. Another approach is older than the Pythagoreans, that value of the squares of sides can be laid out alongside the line, as though the other 3 lines were there even though you only drew a triangle. The only way that can happen is if we have the orthogonal state and treat that as rotated, and of course rotated back because that communicates the identity. This kind of mechanics is necessary because these are all constructions.

Cross-identification. Isn’t that interesting. Already redefined the Jesus story so it becomes the expression of the female giving birth confronting the impossibility of that happening, so the death is the sacrifice of the mother, which is also then literalized into the Mary stories. So it tacks on to the trope of the mother dying at childbirth, with all the orphan stories and family and step-family stories, etc.

Another form of ‘reverse squat’ becomes the bottom of a deep squat where the weight is on the full foot but forward onto the balls of the feet, but not over to the toes. These are the anti-chains we described years ago. We proved their existence as part of the construction of Triangular over gs because that cross-identifies, and that cross-identification requires pathways which actually connect or which approach in ways taken to connect. That latter is the gap or delta effect of 0-1-0. It’s what we often think of as renormalization, and I think that may clarify what that is: measurements are of something and that something is an End, meaning a construction, a union which Attaches structures. Example is that hatreds of people, particularly of Jews, are flips of the Attachments. The process is like described yesterday: take the positive contributions, note that they don’t fix you, say they’re holding you back, are plotting against you, so you identify the hatred within you with the hate of them because they aren’t perfect, etc.

OK, so to not stop on that note, I looked in the mirror while the cat was out and noticed a few obvious ‘errors’ which I cut away, thinking about how what I liked before now isn’t as finished as I thought it was, but that it’s getting better because I looked at the guy there and he looked like the combination of characteristics I’ve always wanted to see.

[jaythelay]

The fact "whales" is even a remote term in the gaming industry is so sickening it makes the very concept of any purchases after Buying The Fucking Product an actual disgusting behavior.

Like. Man. You're really gonna let some fucking rich off his ass never worked a day in their life board of loser executives call you a fucking Whale?

This is why I came up with the term : "Pay Piggy Useful Idiot"

Because ya'll motherfuckers are So. So god damn easy to manipulate. Like I saw a post that said a mobile game used to be a dollar, and then it switched the game out for one with ads that you has to pay 120$ a year to remove said ads that weren't there before.

You think Pay Piggy Useful Idiots aren't eating that shit up? They don't know it used to be a dollar. They wouldn't even care if you told them. They're pathetic, weak creatures incapable of defending themselves from scummy business behavior that so clearly and obviously is depraved and immoral it should've been turbo outlawed as soon as someone had the idea.

That. Is why people with standards really need to speak the fuck up and take a hardline stance, Gaming does not need to be this fucking expensive. This maniuplative, this hostile, and Depressing. That includes the Clearly Bloated Budgets that serve actually Nothing to any game ever.

You. Right now. Can put an n64 cartridge into an n64, and it will play. No internet connection. No updates or downloads, no website links, no store page, no DLC, no microtransactions, no loot boxes.

And you're telling me in this economy the Best Solution is to Raise the motherfucking price? Really? When they're making more money, hand over fist, than Ever Before, with an Actual Secure Market that isn't going to fail.

You mean to tell me that the bullshit you Lied about 10 years ago when people were shitting on this, was still not enough. That indeed, 10 years ago when you lied this would stop price increases, you stand before me, a Knowing Liar, to demand a Price Increase...?

Nothing they can do but raise the price and Price Gouge the Fuck out of your experience by seperating it into smaller and smaller, more expensive than ever pieces.

You used to get skins, cheat codes, unlockables. Now you go fuck yourself, type your fucking card info in and be a Pay Piggy Useful Idiot. Apparently that skin simply could not be in the game without making 100s of thousands of dollars. Of course. Gaming is expensive, as you know.

Hey, question. Does GTAV feel even remotely like it's budget? What was it, 260million? At all. I mean, literally, anything you can point to in order to justify The Highest Budgeted Game Yet? Anything. Go for it. Anything. What did that money go to that makes it such a different experience to anything else?

Graphics? Tell me how that's necessary. Tell me why we need that many polygons and that large a texture size? What did it add? Are you so feeble minded you care about graphics? Really?

Because the truth is what always always ALWAYS mattered and has taken a Fat Fucking Backseat in gaming is Artistry. You know. An actual Purpose to the visuals?

You don't need more polygons than 5000x Mario 64s for a game like GTAV. You don't need 4k textures to enjoy the visuals and gameplay. If shit looks bad, it's because they didn't give a shit to make it look good. Most of gaming is this anymore. Remember UI? That thing that used to be more than white lines?

Nah man can't afford it, had to make Pores Visible on the face because it makes the gameplay better....that's how it works right?

Storytelling? Seriously? gtav. Like. GTA, GTAV? Storytelling? Good joke. But to pretend otherwise, ya don't need that big of a budget for storytelling, especially in god damned gaming. Shit don't cost 260$Mil

Music? Oh sure. Totally. Like how in GTAIV they kept breaking the game more just to remove songs on the radio. Oh yeah. That's where the budget went. Fucks sake.

Gameplay? Really? Where? This game? There's something worth doing? Because all I see is another Dead Open World with Absolutely Nothing the fuck In It. A shitty storyline with sub-par characters, drunken movement, terrible controls, awful to non-existent artistry. For gameplay so flimsy the first 5 minutes are the exact god damned same as the last 5. With awful checkpoint systems, a terrible focus on story and the model for the open world, but nothing of worth elsewhere. Not even shit in the open world.

Like for The Biggest Budget for all games to date, it sure feels like a step down from GTAIV, it sure feels like nobody had anything to say on it, it sure looks like the industry was moved absolutely none by it, it sure looks like it did Absolutely Nothing Unique nor Interesting with 260$ Million fuckin' dollars.

Instead of even considering that budgets are Blatantly Inflated, we keep eating away at design for cheap entertainment that's genuinely starting to reach points where Atari was more complex, more fun in it's complexity, and far more interesting to explore.

People still talk about Dark Souls, a game from 2011 with a likely budget of 10-30$Mil. People still have more to say about Dark Souls than Elden Ring or GTAV. Dark Souls pushed the industry forward. It didn't cut out content specifically to put it in a pre-planned DLC, they didn't put microtraansactions or shark cards, no subscription service and the servers are still running.

Like. Really think about what has been Utterly Deleted from the entire gaming industry, and realize it was All Replaced with Another God Damned Price Tag.

You used to have a little booklet guide that came with the game, and it created a great sense of connection to the game and it's world, the company, general artistry. Envelopped you into the world itself sometimes, like with the Half Life PS2 port's booklet. Wonderful shit.

Now you bulldoze through garbage or repeatedly play the same god damned MMO that demands more fucking money or attention every 5 fucking seconds. You're literally pkaying Prostitutes anymore, not even gaming. Just prostitutes that work for free but demand money every thrust.

Just fucking hate Pay Piggy Useful Idiots. They're so fucking common. Nobody has standards, nobody has integrity, nobody has self-respect, nobody cares, and nobody cares about themself.

So the next time you decide to pay anything more than asking price, for companies with cultures of built in sexual assault and blacklisteries, remember, there's a Rich Mother Fuck who Knew you'd be pathetic enough to allow them to call you a "Whale"

you utterly weak human being who should care for themself because only then does shit start to matter again, only then do you start to give a shit. Only then, do you develop standards, and grow as a respectable person, not an NPC for companies to manipulate and control, to keep us all poor and dumb.

Take a stand. You don't need to be pathetic in the gaming industry, there are good titles by good people worth investing in. Triple A ain't it, and hasn't been for decades.

Addiction experts. Just adding that on if anyone has any doubts to how poorly you're seen by those who demand more despite having far, far more than anyone before them could have possibly wished for, in an industry devoid of the probability of any kind of crash, crash the industry for them, tell them you deserve better, that you're tired of being taken advantage of, that you know these prices are bullshit, that these budgets are bullshit.

Be better do better. You and I deserve better and we Have Not Gotten Anywhere Forward doing what we're doing so mindlessly.

Stand up for the easily abused and manipulated. Stand up for the easily addicted and impoverished. Stand up against The Rich getting Richer off The Laziest Scam in the world.

[soovermyself]

I don’t know what “issues” people keep saying about her relationship with jesse. I wouldn’t necessary say that the relationship was unhealthy or the she was unhappy. I think she was happy, which is why is must have been so hard to reconcile that happiness with him not supporting her. There is actually a fan video from an event where she says on stage that her partner didn’t do anything, so that’s confirmation that he didn’t support her in the ways that she felt she needed to be. It’s an old event from 2018 (I think) in chicago. It was one of those that weren’t streamed or recorded, but there is a crowd recorded video of her saying it. While of course they don’t need to be attached by the hip, I think that her getting away from chicago so often, and therefore from him since he barely ever followed, ended up being a writing on the wall that something wasn’t right.

As much as sophia and jesse tried to convince the world that they didn’t break up/took a break in 2015, they obviously did. I’m guessing that she probably knew that relationship should be over by that point. But much like she did with the show, she wanted to make it work because there were parts of it that were great. No coincidence they broke up around the same time she decided to leave. Those problems were so closely linked together, I believe.

I also can’t imagine how hard it must have been for sophia around the time dan died. If in private dan’s family was pushing the narrative that dan and sophia were meant to be as much as they were in public, it must’ve been hard. She must’ve felt some guilt over being in a new relationship shortly after their break up.

As I already said, people just keep on assuming that he wasn’t supportive about the set issues and they’re coming up with the narrative that there were issues between them because of it. I think even if she said it loud and clear, people would still believe that it caused tensions between them because that’s such an easy reasoning you know?!

They clearly were “off” during that summer but came back together fairly quickly once they got back to Chicago. They definitely gave it a try because they thought it was worth a shot. In the end it didn’t work out, but I don’t think it’s something either regret having tried.

As for Dan, I actually wonder if she ever felt some guilt over his passing. Obviously not her fault, but she was the one who made it believe he could achieve all of the things and that he could do the greatest things if he only believed in himself. And he did, that’s why he went for Everest. I’m sure that was hard on her. As for the moving on, maybe but Dan also moved on with Ashley fairly quickly so I don’t think that was something to really feel guilt over tbh.

[levisgirll]

Hey ~ I really love ur blog! U just bring a soft side of Levi that's so cute. Could u do a hc/scenario of how would Levi look after his crush during expeditions, please?

𝐓𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐟𝐮𝐥 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 (𝐋𝐞𝐯𝐢 𝐀𝐜𝐤𝐞𝐫𝐦𝐚𝐧 𝐱 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫)

→ Text: Hello there anon! Thank you for your message and request <3 I really love this idea and I would be glad to write this out for you! Sorry this took awhile but I hope you see this and you enjoy it <3 also thank you for letting me know! that was my aim, and I really love soft Levi cause I believe this side of him will show when he is around his crush or with his s/o  🥺 ♡♡♡

Synopsis: Ever since you started going to expeditions, Levi has been quite different and showed a different side of him which not only surprised Y/N but himself too. He has become more considerate, attentive, sympathetic (during the nights before an expedition) and rather straightforward whenever he wanted to be serious with you and say his point (might come out as harsh or him being concerned). He started doing this all since he was secretly looking after Y/N, who is his crush! So, find out how he does that!

cute fluff, aot world, random headcanons scenario/imagine ♡ —

First thing you notice when you have started to go on expeditions is that Levi has been keeping his eyes on you. Always watching you, and focuses every detail on you especially out of everyone in the scouts. So, expect all eyes on you from him!

You found it first a bit odd how it was just you, and whenever you try and go near him or talk to Levi while he is staring at you. He would hesitate, and just walk away, trying to avoid you if you wanted to have a conversation.

That's cause, he knows himself really well that he will start stuttering. And, that's also when Levi noticed that Y/N is actually his crush. He did not want to admit it though to himself, he was also confused with how he felt towards you. It was an odd feeling and hard for him to control.

But, one day during an expedition, you fell from a tree branch as the hook from your ODM gear was fractured and causing you not to be balanced. Levi froze, and he felt like the whole world stopped when he saw your body, on the ground, how your head was bleeding, and when he tried to go near you and call you out while holding your body, you were unconscious. He thought he lost his chance, his sunshine and source of happiness. Losing his chance to spend more time with you, show you that he really did love you even though you seemed to never know. And that was when he knew that you were the person he loved and cherished.

As soon as you went back to the walls and Levi taking you to the infirmary, he waited by your side the whole time. Wishing you would wake up sooner, but he has patience, to wait for the person he loved.

Once you were awake, he quickly got up, and you were shocked how none other than Captain Levi, who you really looked up to and liked a lot, was right by your side! 

“Hey, You okay?” Was the first thing he said after breaking the silence between the both of you. How you both gave each other glances that filled with love, and how he stared at your beautiful eyes that sparkled. He missed seeing your face, your eyes that finally opened and your expressions. “Y-Yea, Just a bit dizzy.”

“Idiot, why are you so careless? You should have checked your ODM gear. What a reckless move, brat.” He said while looking away, avoiding his eye contact with you now. If someone else heard that, it would have seem like he was being strict with you. But, after Y/N hearing his words, their eyes would widen and be quite surprised at how Levi said this to them. His tone had a bit of concern and worry for Y/N instead and even though the words were a bit harsh, he won’t mean it in that way and he would only say this to someone he would care a lot and cherish. This left Y/N a blushing mess and felt their heart speaking a beat, how someone, especially Levi, cared for them and noticing them. 

Levi does not ever want to see you again in the infirmary, being hurt, and bandaged up, so he now promised to himself that he would look after Y/N during expeditions especially.

If Y/N somehow twisted their ankle, or their leg/knee would hurt. Expect Levi to actually pick you up or giving you his arm and shoulder for support for standing and walking. He would do these small things and offer his help to you quickly if he saw you struggle. He would later on lecture you how you should have asked his help. “Brat, I told you to ask for my help if you ever got hurt didn’t I? So, Why.” Levi said after helping you sitting you down on a bench, and looking at you for an answer. ‘Easier said than done.’ You would think and blush a bit, you always seemed to held back whenever you though of asking Levi for help. That’s cause, you felt quite shy and nervous whenever approaching the great strong captain solider that everyone talks about! “Hey. From now on, come to me for help. Alright?” He would say after giving you a pat on your shoulder. Even thought he liked you a lot, he actually really cared for you and would actually be happy if you did end up asking for his help, that would boost his ego and he would literally do it right away.

Whenever the scouts took breaks as they moved forward in the formations during an expedition. Levi would look for you, for Y/N only, and when he finds them, he would go on and telling them if they made sure they were alright and reminding them if they had their things. He would also ask if they were feeling alright and if they were too afraid after seeing so many titans. Levi would reassure them that he would be there by their side to support them and whenever Y/N heard that, it would be heartwarming, and this made them move on with their mission.

Whenever Y/N was shaken up after seeing a titan eating their comrades, or their comrades dying before their eyes, or experiencing something unpleasant. Levi would notice that quickly and he would observe how it would make Y/N feel shocked and upset, unable to think calmly and clearly. Levi would approach his crush and comfort them that things would be fine. And, Levi would definitely then allow their crush (who they are the only people who can do that) to hug him as they leave their face in his shoulder, and if they needed to cry, he would be there for that too and comfort you in his own way hugging you back tightly and ruffling their hair to calm them down. Levi would be glad how they survived and they are now alive, around his arms finally.

Levi would offer them water during the expedition usually, he wants to make sure their crush is hydrated and that also he would pack you up with some goods and snacks. “Tch, just take them.” He would say as you hesitantly accepted his kind offer. Levi would literally spend 30 minutes getting all the necessary things you would need and pack them up for you. He gives you things filled with love and care.

And, if you did happen one day running out of snacks to eat, he would offer you his snacks and make sure you eat it all before he leaves. 

His crush would apologize and feel real bad if they messed up on something during a mission, such as incorrectly shooting the wrong signal flare or not shooting it on time whenever they were under stress or nervous during a situation. But, Levi would actually be chill and calm about it and say, “Oi, Don't worry about it. It’s alright.” He would say as he ruffed their hair, and everyone there would be shocked cause if it were a different person he would go mad.

At the beginning, he would would try and tell you not to come to the expeditions that seemed too risky and leave it to him, but obviously he knows that you would no and you would then say to him, “I can’t help it, I want to come and be by your side and help out.” And that, left Levi being a blushing mess. He admired your confidence, and how you were willing to do this all for him and that made him feel loved. He then would reassure you that he would be protecting you throughout the mission. “I want to protect you.” and when you questioned why only you, he would go silent and leave the scene, making you wonder.

Levi would definitely have an aid kit ready with him, whenever he saw you injured or needed some bandages, expect him to have that ready for you, and even do it for you himself. He would do it and his excuse would be that he would do a better job on patching you up, but you knew he just wanted to help you and he actually would be worried if the injury was deep or serious.

If you had a small cut on your finger or the palm of your hand, Levi would make sure to also patch that up for you. If you insisted saying you could do it yourself or saying that it was not a big deal, he would then say to you in a caring tone but having his serious stoic expression, “Your hand. Now.” You resist and give in while holding out your hand to him. After he puts a bandage on it, he would gently hold your hand with both of his hands and then say, “Please, be careful.” In such a low tone, and if you have missed that, you would probably not have heard it.

And, after an expedition one day, when you went to his office to give him some tea you have prepared. He was silent, and Levi was pretty down when you saw him. When he noticed your presence, his expression then would go soft and quickly get up, hugging you, and this would shock you because Levi would never do something like that suddenly. But, that evening after that expedition, he was really emotional and he just wanted to hold what was dear to him, which was you. Y/N.  “I wish I didn’t feel like this every time you leave my side.” He would utter in a sad tone, and you would be there caressing his back and also the back of his head, caressing his undercut which would make him relax and give out a soft sigh.

And before expeditions, Levi becomes a bit clingy and needy in nights a day before, and he would show some affection towards Y/N. Such as slightly holding and caressing your hand, trying to feel your warmth as much as possible to keep him calm, your presence meant the world to him and he loved every bit of time you spent with him. “Hey, promise me you won’t do anything stupid?” He would ask you a lot of questions too and you would have to be there, reassuring him that you wouldn't leave his side and hold his hand back firmly, meaning every word you say to him which will make him feel relieved, how he knows you won’t leave him and sacrifice yourself.

Whenever the scouts are ready to leave and get outside the walls to start the expedition, Levi would check all your gear if they were functioning, and in a good condition, and makes sure your gas is filled up too. 

Levi would also take care of your horse and make sure it was strong and stable enough to help you throughout the journey. If you somehow lost your horse, he would give you his horse instead (and he would only do that to someone he really trusts and cherishes) and he would just use his ODM gear. “I’ll meet you ahead, alright?” He would say and proceed ahead, making sure there is no titan in sight and if there was, he would kill it. He was on his full protective mode every time you were in missions with him.

If you were in a different part of the formation, he would ask someone in that formation you were at, and tell them to update them about Y/N and order them to protect and support Y/N.

Levi would often get side-tracked, thinking of you quite a lot and more than usual, and Erwin would pick that up and say with a smirk, “Don’t worry, they will be fine Levi. Believe in them.” Erwin would say randomly and that would make Levi shocked, thinking how the hell did he even know he was thinking of Y/N.

Overall, the man is the only one out there in the expedition who is ready to risk his life, support you and help you in anyway he can and with his power and strength he would be your guard, and secretly also admire you from afar during expeditions and think how he wants to be near you and just hold your hand.

[turtle-go-brrrr]

Scratch my shell, I scratch yours

A/N: Heya! So remember two posts ago where I said I wouldn't write fics because I'm not confident enough in my writing to post it? Yeah, me neither. I started writing this at 6 am because I couldn't sleep and kept working on it during the day, so enjoy ^^(I got a little tired at the end, and i think you can feel it ;w; hope it’s good enough anyway!)

Also, I’m a sucker for platonic intimacy, and there is a severe lack of platonic x reader in this fandom

Fun fact: the Shell is both the Dorsal (part on the back) AND the Plastron (part on the front).

Requested: No

Pairing: None, platonic

Word count: 2500 +

Triggers: None

Summary: You make an embarrassing suggestion that they surprisingly accept.

_____________________________________________________________

The idea came to you in a random conversation you had as you sat on their couch.

"But wait, you can really reach everywhere? Like if I touch here-", you point to a crevice in the middle of his shell. "You're telling me you can bend your arm enough to get here?"

Leonardo gently takes your wrist and pull your hand away. "I mean, we have some of those telescopic scrubs to help, you know? Or we can just ask each other to get to the hard places if it's really complicated."

Oh.

"Oh. Yeah, that makes sense."

You have been asking a few questions about their shells after Raphael started showing off some of his scars, fascinated by the intricate patterns you could see on your friends. The topic of cleaning has be brought up, and as your curiosity took charge, your brain decided to embarrass you as much as it could.

"Do you think I could help?"

Only the faint background music Mikey had set up earlier could be heard as your mutant friends looked at you, eyes wide open.

Oh, that came out wrong.

"Wait, that's not what I-", you start to explain your line of thoughts when you get interrupted by the smug look Mikey sent you, as he harbored a teasing smile.

"Oh? I didn't realize that's what you meant when you said you wanted to hang out more," he wiggles his eyebrows as your nervous laughter fills the room.

"Hold on, I can explain."

Silence again.

"Oh, you're actually listening?"

"I mean, I think we're all dying to know why on earth you'd want to take a shower with us. You're not usually this upfront with your affection," Donatello chimes in. He's not even looking at you in the eyes, but doesn't really try to hide that stupid smirk.

Bastard.

You take a deep breath, trying to focus on not letting the embarassement take over, but your voice shakes imperceptibly, and you can feel youself start to sweat. Great.

"Okay, so I was thinking : you guys always do so much for the city and never get anything in return. I remember Mikey told me that you guys love shell scratches, and now I can see that you have some trouble cleaning it, so maybe I can help with that ? Kinda like a massage sort of thing, it doesn’t have to be weird if no one makes it. Now obviously we’ll be wearing swimsuits, we’re not close enough for… you know… actually taking a shower together, " you try clearing your throat discretly. You hear a muffled laugh from Raph.

"Anyway, I think Casey knows where to buy the best animal care product. I think human stuff might not be suitable for your shells, and I read somewhere that water was the best way to clean a turtle shell anyways, but if you have suggestions just let me know what you usually use. Do you even have swimsuits ? Doesn’t matter, I’m sure we can find you some-"

As you rambled on, the slight shame started to wear off and you were able to explain your line of thoughts more clearly. The awkwardness of the situation seemed to settle down, even if your friends were absolutely going to tease you about it later. Leonardo seemed hesitant, though.

"I don’t know, man. Are you sure about this ? I don’t want you to feel like you have to. We can take care of ourselves, you know."

"I’m not gonna force you if you don’t want to, I’m just offering because I want to do something nice for you guys. You can’t really take a break, but you could at least relax a bit."

"I’m up for it." You didn’t expect Raph to agree so quickly, but maybe you should have anticipatd that as you look at the bags under his eyes. "I mean, the worst thing that could happen is falling asleep while getting a massage from a friend. Kinda sounds like a dream if you ask me. "

‘Well that was easy,’ you think as your face lightens up.

"Besides, we can laugh at them for wanting to shower with us. Didn’t think you’d want to be so intimate, " he purrs as he gives you a side glance.

Oh. Bastard number two.

"Alright. Sure. You know what, fair game, " you laugh it off. Mikey puts a reassuring arm around your shoulders as Donnie places his legs on your laps.

"We do have swimwear, so you don’t need to worry about that. And you were right about using only water to clean it, as human products tends to make us itchy afterwards. There are some types of oil we use sometimes to nourish our shells, however. I think the only thing we might need to look into is new brushes. The ones we have are, hum, barely hanging on."

You send a quick text to Casey and April to let them know about the plan after making a short list of supplies with Leo, who ended up agreeing.

It didn’t take that much convincing.

____________________________

Saturday came fast. After getting all the necessary supplies with Casey, you both made your wait to the lair to join April. They had both agreed to help you in your task, because 'damn, they really need some appreciation'.

"When do you think they'll be back?" You ask Splinter as he offers you a cup of spiced tea.

"Usually around one in the morning, unless they were delayed."

Unless something went wrong.

But those dark thought quickly faded away as you heard the faint echo of Mikey's laughter as he recalled their night. Light chatter filled the room as they took off their gear and put away their weapons, and April hushed them to get changed and take a quick shower so they could get started and finally have some sort of a break.

You could see they were excited as they each went their own way, waiting for their turn to the shower.

When you live in the sewers and try to turn it into a living space, you have to do what you can with what you have. And sometimes, what you have is a large space that you can turn into a huge bathroom, with multiple showers and a large bathtub; but what you don't have is privacy. So big communal bathroom it is.

In this specific case, it's a good thing, because it means you can all chill together as you get to work on their shells. Once everyone was settled in, April motioned them to sit on some of the chairs you put up. She opens the bag Casey and you brought and starts getting the multiple brushes and bottle out.

"You have to understand that you guys are, uh, gigantic. So try to stay at our level, okay? And stay put, please. Anyway, here is what we've got for you: there are multiple brushes - one of each type for each of you - and some are harder than the others. Don't worry, we'll try not to scrub your shell off of you," she winks at that, and holds back a laugh at Raph's worried expression.

She continues. "We also found the oil Donnie told us about, and we bought multiple bottles. You'll have a stack for next time." She then gets one last bottle out that she puts aside.

"That one is for Splinter. To make his fur all soft and shiny," you butt in with an innocent smile. The old man deserves a treat too.

Casey laughs at that and says, "So, there's tree of us and four of you. Who is okay waiting for his turn?"

Silence.

After a solid minute, Leonardo sighs and volunteers to let his brothers enjoy a well deserved spoiling session. Mikey, instead of sitting on a chair like a normal person, choose instead to lay down on the bathroom floor.

"You said it was basically a massage, right? Now it really feels like it!"

"Oh, good idea. I'm this close to getting a pillow and having the nap of my life," Donnie says, putting his fingers together.

"Your fingers are touching."

"I know," he gives you a side smile as he starts to get up, but you quickly bring him back to reality. "But there's gonna be water everywhere?" You sit down next to where he just was and watch as he goes back to where he sat, sending you a disapproving side glance.

"Let a turtle dream, will you?" He lays down on his stomach, puts his head on his arms, and scouts closer to you.

You watch Raph get settled on a chair next to Casey, putting his arms on the backrest as April hands you one of the harder brushes. Leo makes a quick trip to the kitchen and brings back some water, a few snacks, and a copy of Journey to the Center of the Earth by Jules Verne.

"Again," you start. "There's gonna be water everywhere. Are you sure bringing a book here is a good idea?"

He gives you a sly smile. "Gotta live up to my name."

What?

"What?"

"You know," Mikey interrupts. "Fearless."

"Oh. Right. Well, don't come crying when you drop it into a puddle then." But you offer him a plastic bag anyway, to hold his book with it in case he wets his hands.

"You sure you're okay waiting?" Casey asks him as he starts pouring water over Raph's back.

"Yeah, don't worry. I have things to keep me busy anyway."

______________________________

It took one swipe of the brush from April for Mikey to start... what was the word? Churring.

A low rumble coming from his throat that had kind of the same function as a cat's purr, Donnie explained. It was an expression of contentment or happiness, that sometimes even happended when they needed reassurance.

Adorable.

"I can't believe you guys can purr and never told me." Raph doesn't even bother opening his eyes when he answers you, "We knew you'd take advantage of that. Didn't want to be babied by the tiniest human we ever met."

Asshole.

You went back and forth with the gruff turtle, always in good spirit though. Conversations flowed, laughter were exchanged, and everyone managed to lighten up. Master Splinter joined the group at some point, and was just glad to spend some time with his family - all of it. He also started to take cared of Leo’s dorsal, to his delight.

You don't exactly know when, but some time after Donnie started to let go some soft churrs as you scrubbed the dirt off of his shell, you stopped listening to the current topic and started to really focus on your task.

Scrapping the dirt hidden in between every crevice, rubbing the largest scales, you were surprised by the look of the bare shell of your nerdy friend. You never really stopped to observe this particular feature the four brothers harbored, not only out of decency, but also because it was always covered. Gear and clothes, backpack and tech, dirt and blood, there was always something hiding the intricate patterns of their shells.

You unconsciously slowed down to really take in what you were seeing, your fascination and curiosity taking over your wish to help.

"I don't know why, but I never expected your shell to be so colorful," you say after wiping away the dirty water from the left side of his back. You didn’t mean to say it at loud, but he doesn't answer you. However, you do get something from Mikey.

"Man, you should see mine! Don helped me create an organic paint so I can paint my shell without hurting myself with a bunch of chemicals, and it looks sooo damn good-"

"Shh!"

"... Did they- Did you just shush me?"

"Shhh!" You whisper yell this time. You then give a side glance toward the sleeping turtle under you.

"Annw. Good luck waking him up."

"Yeah, I'm... not doing that. He needs his sleep," you laugh quietly.

______________________________

It took the three of you around an hour to deep clean their shells. Even Raph was finally letting go and softly churring at the end. Mikey was loud enough to have trouble speaking, and Donnie was still asleep. Splinter was still working meticulously on his son, who, he could tell, had a hard time holding back the content churrs that threatened to spill out.

You get up and strech, feeling your joints crack and already anticipating how sore you’ll be tomorrow. The muscles in your arms were burning, and you couldn’t feel your butt anymore, but it was worth it. You’ve never seen the four mutants so relaxed before.

Remembering the oils, you went toward the towels to dry your friend’s back and give the final touch to, what you’d grow to refer to, your work of art. You gave a few head scratches to Raph, who was dozing off with a lazy smile, and went back to Donatello. You slowly dried his dorsal when you felt him shift under your hands.

"Hey buddy," you speak softly. He whispers a ‘hey’ you can barrely hear.

"I’m almost done. I just have to put the oil, then you can let it dry and go to sleep, okay ? " You open the bottle and get a paintbrush, with which you start coating his shell with a thin layer of oil. You can hear his soft churrs start again.

Casey accidentally dropped the bottle of oil on Raph’s back and was desperatly trying to gather as much as he could. "Shi- Fuck, wait-"

"Here, give me some. Thanks to you, I don’t have to open mine, " April said with a smirk. She helped him clean up before going back to Mikey, who raised himself on his forearms and watched the scene unfold with a tired smile.

It took only around twenty minute to put the oil on their shells and get it almost dried up. Once it was done, you helped Splinter and Casey clean up as April let her dizzy friends hold onto her, guiding them on their way to their room. Once it was all done, you waved Leo good night as Raph ruffled your hair and went to sleep. Mikey gave you a big hug and thanked you for the ‘bonker idea’ and made you promise to do it again soon, which you agreed on.

April was already sleeping in the big armchair next to the couch, Casey in a sort of little nest of blankets and pillows at her feet. As you made your way to the couch – your makeshift bed for the night – Donnie was passed out cold on it already. And, boy, does he takes up a lot of space.

You felt a hand on your shoulder and turned to see Splinter standing next to you. "I’m sure he wouldn’t mind you borrowing his bed for the night. "

"I– are you sure ? "

"He stole yours. He’ll live. " A gentle smile tugged at his lips as he guided you to your friend’s room, offering you a spare blanket and pillow. "Have a good night, Y/N. You know where to find me if you need anything."

”Thank you, Master Splinter.” You can feel your eyelid close on their own, and decide to finally call it a night. You got settled as best you could in the bed, and fell asleep as soon as your head hit the pillow.

A warm breakfast would await you in the morning.

[yandere-sins]

Remember that Beast!Reader fic with the yandere prince? I loved that one! Can I please request ‘Tears’ from your prompt list for this please?

I was thinking that maybe a few years pass by while the reader is still stuck in beast form, but during that time the person appointed as an alternative caretaker for the reader (obviously the prince can’t be around ALL the time if he has to maintain his kingdom and keep up his image) slowly starts forming a friendly relationship and with even something as small as a forehead kiss to the beast, it is enough to break the curse. But the two don’t get enough time to celebrate before the prince barges in👀

I’m uncomfortable with nsfw and anything too sexual but I enjoy the creepiness and horror that follows a yandere character so I hope you can write it like that please😭🥺 Oh! And please let there be some hope that the reader will either be saved or she saves herself. Even better if the reader decides that she wants to save herself and the boy who broke her curse🤩

Thank you! So sorry if I’m requesting a lot😭🙏

Oh, my sweet little anons, when was the last time I gave you a happy end, huh? But thanks for requesting a continuation, I am glad you all enjoyed it so much ^-^ What a good idea you had there!

Tears - “Sweetie, don’t cry.. they didn’t love you as much as I did.. I’ll help you over the heart break.” 

»»———————— ♡ ————————««

Panting, you urged your legs forward, always one step further than you made at a time. The chilly night air burnt in your lungs, and your bare feet were icy and wet from the forest ground, but neither you nor the person holding your hand so gently in his thought about stopping. Only wrapped in a big rag, you should have been cold, but when he squeezed your hand encouragingly, you believed you could manage it all.

It hadn’t been too long since you started your way on foot down the hill the old castle sat upon. Sooner or later, the prince would find out you escaped, and surely, they would also notice your Beloved having fled the scene. There had been no reason for him to stay. Losing you was enough to get sentenced to death, his lifeless body thrown into a bog rather than buried. So why wouldn’t he leave with you? There certainly was no reason for him to stay in the wretched service of the king. 

But sooner or later, they would come for you, that much was sure.

So, you two had to hurry, but even so, you couldn’t keep from smiling, especially when he looked back over his shoulder, his warm, green eyes shining without any regrets. You two had known each other far too little, but he never once hesitated to show you his affection for you, even when you still were the hideous atrocity that you had turned into to escape the prince for the first time.

Perhaps, everything that happened was fate. Even if it had been harsh and awful, it happened so that you two could meet and start a better life together somewhere new. Even if you wished now that you two could have met under different circumstances, now, you didn’t regret your life from before anymore. Now, you could simply look ahead to the future that waited for you.

Or so you thought; you should have known better.

The soaring of arrows pierced through the silence of the night. One hit the bark of the tree before you, fire spreading from its alcohol-soaked peak. Your eye widened, as did you’re companions, and you soon found yourself ducking as another one flew over your heads.

You couldn’t spare a second to look back over your shoulder as you two urged onwards, picking up the pace. Your legs were tired and shaking, but you knew that you had to go faster and faster, or else you or he would get hit. It were moments like these in which you wished you were still a beast. One which could run faster than any arrow. One that could fight and protect what was important to you. But that was no longer, true love’s kiss having sealed that specific fate already.

It was too late when you realized that the arrows so far had not been to stop you two from getting away. Instead, as they began to light up tree after tree, you realized they were there to banish the secrecy of the forest and make the dark disappear. At the same time, they made you two run into the directions your followers wanted you to go. If you looked back now, you knew who you’d see, no robbers smart enough to roam the forest around the prince’s castle, so there really was no reason for any other armed party to hunt you down.

And yet, you did, too afraid that if you didn’t, things would go way worse. 

The moment you looked over your shoulder, another arrow flew past you, grazing your cheek. You knew where it would hit way before your companion cried out in pain, his hand letting go of yours as a reflex. He sank to his knee for a moment, cursing under his breath as you hurried to his side, seeing the arrow lodged in his shoulder. “Oh god,” you stammered as you sank next to him, hands hovering over the wound. “W-We can fix it, I’m sure, we just have to--!”

“There’s no time!” he interrupted you firmly as if he hadn’t just been shot with an arrow. Without wasting even another second, he got up again, grabbed you by the wrist, and moved forward. You caught a glimpse at his face, determination brimming from his features, but pearls of sweat collected at his forehead. He was clearly in pain, showing it in the way he held his own shoulder with his free hand, but he hadn’t given up yet. He would move on until you two were safe, and though you sympathized with his pain, you were so thankful he didn’t give up yet.

You two ran as fast as you could, but soon you couldn’t ignore the sound of armor behind you anymore, hooves trotting closer while torches lit up the forest more and more. It was almost spooky that no words were muttered, and you expected someone to call orders every now and then, but you had seen the clothes of your followers briefly; you knew who they were. The prince’s guards, clad in the finest silver and trained to the point of being nothing more than human dogs. They ceased speaking if not absolutely necessary, their eyes were soulless, and their hearts without a hint of benevolence. Them being after you could only mean one thing.

The prince wanted you back.

Another arrow getting stuck in the tree you just passed. You knew everything they did wasn’t fun but coldly calculated tactics. They wouldn’t hurt you. They couldn’t. Your cheek bleeding would probably cause one of them to get degraded to a chair for three months at least, so they really couldn’t afford to hurt you more seriously. But they did know who they could hurt you with. Someone whose pain would hurt you more than your own.

The next arrow missed completely, lost in the leaves on the ground. You two were running out of all the adrenaline you had, slowly and surely having exhaustion catch up to you. No! Please no! You begged the entities above that this wouldn’t be the end! There was so much more to live for, so much to see and experience! You wanted to be with your former caretaker, the only one who ever took you and your feelings seriously enough. You two could build a house and keep far away from the hustle and bustle of the cities, farming and taking care of livestock until the end of time. So please! Don’t let this be the end of it!

However, against your expectations, the one to collapse first was him. This time, the arrows didn’t miss, one hitting him in the lower back, one scarily close to his spine. Teardrops pearled from your cheeks as you fell into to mud with him, your hands scrapping along the roots and stones of the ground as you crawled back to where he laid, softly whimpering. Reaching for an arrow, you wanted to pull it out in desperation, but he began to cry out in pain before you could even start pulling.

“LEAVE!” he screamed. “LEAVE AND RUN!”

You couldn’t hold back the sobs hearing these words. “Please...” his hand reached for yours as he tried his best to look up to you. “Go, find a safe place to hide! Leave for another country and never come back!”

“No...” you sobbed, bringing one hand covered in mud and blood to your face. “I don’t want to leave you...”

“They are after you, not me,” he tried to reassure you, but you knew better. The sounds of their heavy footsteps drew closer and closer, and finding him, they wouldn’t hesitate to kill this ‘traitor’. If you went, then he’d die. But if you stayed and got caught, he’d die as well. No choice you could make would end happily for the both of you. “Please, go. I want you to-- ARGH!” Interrupted by his own scream, you began to panic, calling his name and shaking his arm, only to look up as a shadow was cast over you.

“[Name],” the prince sighed, relief showing in his face. He had this small, exhausted smile on his lips, happiness in his features as he looked at you. However, the moment he looked down at your companion, his face began to contort into a hateful grimace, his leg lifting once more to give your Beloved’s back a not-so-gentle kick. “No! Stop!” you cried, latching onto his leg as the kicks came down, your partner’s screams echoing through the forest.

“Don’t worry, I will get rid of the scoundrel who kidnapped you. I will save you! Just like I always do!”

“No! You’re hurting him! Stop it! Please... Please stop!”

Never had you imagined that you’d ever find yourself so low again that you’d beg the prince for something. Before, it had been for your life, but now, it was for the life of the only person that really mattered to you. “Oh, Sweetheart,” the prince cooed, his fingers finding their way under your chin, pulling your face up to meet his eyes. “Don’t cry... he didn’t love you as much as I do. I’ll help you over the heartbreak once we’re done here.”

The prince let go roughly as he pulled his sword from his sheath as you fell to the ground next to your partner. For a moment, time seemed to stop as you stood up in a matter of seconds. Panicked, you decided to throw yourself in front of the sword instead, but a hand grabbed yours before you could. Looking down at your Beloved, smiling warmly and encouraging as he muttered the final words you’d hear from him.

“Go.”

It was like he set you free, even if your definition of free originally included him. “Eh, Darling?!” you heard as you took off in a second spurt of adrenaline, the prince screaming your name after you. But your mind completely shut off the moment you passed the last lit-up arrow, sinking back into the darkness. Everything was blurry, your vision stained with your tears that wouldn’t go away no matter how much you rubbed your eyes with your dirty hands.

Your feet must have started bleeding as you kept running faster and faster, but you gave them no mind, not even feeling the pain. All you felt was the wound in your throbbing heart, something that the prince couldn’t heal no matter how much he believed he could. You wanted to understand your former caretaker’s action, telling you to go rather than defend him. If you had been in his place, surely, you had done the same. But it was as if you were the one who got betrayed by yourself by running away. By giving up on something hopeless, you felt like you were betraying everything you had ever stand for. How pathetic you were, running, trying to get the better future you had hoped to build with him.

Next thing you knew, you stumbled as the ground gave away to a slope before you, your body tumbling down the wet leaves and sturdy roots, your skim getting scratched by the branches of bushes all around you. It was pure luck that your fingers closed around one big tree root the moment they did; otherwise, you surely would have fallen from the cliff that opened up beneath you, instead of just hanging on to it now.

Only now your ears regained their function, the rushing of waves sounding far too deep and far too rough beneath you as to simply be a river. Had you run all the way to the shore? Was it the big sea beneath you? Either it had been closer than you thought, or you did develop some superhuman abilities after changing into a beast.

Groaning, you tried to pull yourself back over the edge, the slightly forward-leaning stone not being any help in rescuing yourself. Even more so, you had to realize the light of torches drawing closer and closer by the second, while you still struggled to escape the death by falling into the unruly water from a great height.

“[Name]!” you heard the screech of your name, genuine worry resounding from it. The prince’s face was the last thing you wanted to see, especially as he looked so damn horrified at the sight of you barely holding on to the cliff. “Don’t move! I’ll pull you up!” he called as he slit down the slope as best as he could without falling himself until he reached you. It was strange. You should have been happy that you wouldn’t be dying. That someone would save you from this horrific fate.

But all you felt was pure despair.

If he pulled you up, then that would be it. He’d take you back, lock you up again and do as he pleased with you. Who knew if you’d ever get a chance on escaping again, especially if he made an example out of your previous companion about what would happen if anyone ever helped you. You’d have nothing left but to live your life as a mere plaything, captured by the prince that was so beloved by everyone, and you didn’t want to think about all the things he’d do to you now that you were human again.

His hands reached out, and you noticed them faintly in your vision. Your decision fell only seconds before he could grab you by the arms. It was too dark to see, too dark to even speculate how deep it was, but you decided it was better than becoming an empty shell of a person if you stayed with the prince.

No matter what would await you in the depths down below, it couldn’t be worse than being a subject to his twisted, self-righteous love, you decide. Letting go was easier than you thought, making you realize your body must understand this situation very well even if it might cost it its life. The face of the prince as you slipped from his grasp was a priceless last sight to see before you closed your eyes, awaiting the inevitable.

Until your back hit the water, engulfing you wholly like the hungry, desperate maw of an animal. Deeper and deeper until it was everywhere, and only then you opened your eyes again for one last glimpse of the blurred light above.

[no-pucks-given]

TYSON JOST | LIGHT MY WAY HOME

A/N: More than 12.000 words later, more than a month after the initial request from Taylor popped up in my notifications. What a freaking ride. My longest fic I've ever written, and maybe even my favourite one. Thank you, to everyone who hyped me up, send me inspo and send me sweet asks. I couldn't have done this without all of you. Special thanks to @dumb-and-dunner, @chicagoblackhawkslover96, @heybarzy and Chrissy (who doesn't have Tumblr unfortunately).

Warnings: Angst, ‘can I strangle him yet?’ Tyson, swearwords, some major character development and (how could I not?!) a happy ending.

Also: Gabe and Melissa Landeskog play a big part in this fic, so if you aren't comfortable with them, you might want to skip this one.

Word Count: 12.1K

Requested: Yes.

The NHL lifestyle, or the ‘popular’ lifestyle was attractive to all young, hormonal boys. You’d known that for a long time. You stood by Tyson’s side when he got drafted into the wicked world of the NHL. Parties, drinking, sex, training until you can barely move, fights, games, wins and losses. It all had it’s charms, but it also had its dangers. Just like any other guy Tyson wanted to experience it all, the whole package,

You assumed you fell under that ‘whole package’, you were his girlfriend for a reason, right? And you did, for a while. You partied together, came home together, did everything together. But the moment Tyson became older and ‘known’ outside the regular hockey fans, that title didn’t mean much anymore. He became more and more the type of guy you didn’t fall in love with, the type to take you for granted, the type to enjoy the attention of other people, other women in particular. You weren’t the jealous type, you didn’t want to claw out the eyes of every woman that looked at him, but you were at a breaking point. Maybe you were jealous, you weren’t jealous of those other women, you were jealous of the attention Tyson gave them. Attention he should’ve been giving to you, his freaking girlfriend.

You were however the loyal type, the type to come home after a long night. And that’s exactly where things went wrong with Tyson. While you were waiting for him at home with a meal, a warm bed or just simply anything else, he was out. You had no idea where he was exactly, he was simply ‘out’, whatever that might mean. You tried to talk to him, you tried to make him see that this wouldn’t end well for either of you, but he simply waved off your concerns, shrugged his shoulders and moved on.

How do you talk to someone who rediscovered himself? How do you talk to someone who thinks he’s on top of the world? How do you save someone from the downfall of success when they don’t want to be saved? You knew one day he’ll come down from this high, one day he’ll realize that he screwed up. One day he’ll come to the conclusion he let something special slip through his fingers, and for what? Fame? Drinks? A rush of adrenaline? One day. But you knew that it wouldn’t be today.

However today is the day that you’re done. Absolutely fed up with all the bullshit excuses Tyson has been feeding you, all the coming home late or not even coming home at all. You have no idea what he’s been up to these last months, he’s barely home. Even when he’s home it’s like he isn’t really there. You can’t even remember the last time the two of you slept together or the last time you actually went to bed at the same time. Breakfast together? A lifetime ago. A lazy day together? Can’t remember. Date night? Months, months ago. Even thinking about it pisses you off to no end, the pain and hurt slowly making place for a new emotion: anger.

It’s frustrating to say the least. You love and take care of him like he means the world to you, and he does. Tyson on the other hand seems to take you for granted, or forgets you’re here at all. It seems like you’re talking to a brick wall instead of your boyfriend. No matter how hard you try, your words have no impact, your tears don’t make him feel anything. It’s like he’s a totally different person. You barely recognize him anymore these days, he feels like a stranger inside the body of the man you love. It feels like you’re both living your life, besides each other instead of with each other. It hurts, that’s for sure.

Like any other day you’ve prepared dinner, put it on the table and sat down on one of the chairs. All you can do now is wait, wait and pray he’ll show up this time. You even texted him, begged him to come home and simply eat dinner with you for a change. Of course you didn’t get a response, of course it’s complete radio silence from his side. God, you were desperate at this point, you don’t even try to deny it.

With every passing minute your hope disappears little by little. You stare at the food on the table until it’s completely dark outside, no sign of Tyson. Hours passed and you barely noticed it, it isn’t until you try to stand up and your muscles ache from sitting in the same position for a long time that you realize how much time actually has passed. “Fuck this, why am I even trying anymore?” you mutter to yourself, shaking your head. This isn’t worth it, it hasn’t been for a long time. Maybe, just maybe you’re finally ready to admit it to yourself.

Deciding to choose yourself over Tyson is a major decision, one you probably should’ve made sooner. It doesn’t matter, what does matter is that you’re choosing you now. You make the split second decision to just grab your stuff, just the necessary stuff. You remember Gabe’s offer, at the time you waved it off with a smile, pretending it wasn’t as bad as it might look to the outside world, but now? You want nothing more than to take him up on his offer. So what’s stopping you?

Even though you were excruciating calm this whole time, the moment you step into your bedroom, or Tyson’s bedroom, you break. This is real, this is really happening. You grab your bags, filling them with some of your stuff. Some clothes, some toiletries, your makeup, everything you might need. It’s a tough job, it’s even harder when you almost can’t see past the tears. At some point you lose track of things you did and didn’t grab, just shoving random items into your bag.

You let out a frustrated sigh, your body sinking down on the floor. In your hands the box containing all your high school love letters, all the small gifts you made each other. Tyson was quite handy, who would’ve thought that? You smile at the memories, sorting through the box. You frown at the feeling surging through your body, is this how heartbreak feels? Looking down at the contents of the box you sigh, wiping away the tears streaming down your face. Why couldn’t life be as simple as it used to be? It shouldn’t be this hard, right? You grab your prom picture between your fingers, smiling sadly at the two people in the picture, both smiling like they just won the lottery, both utterly in love with the other. How time can change..

You throw the box on the bed, maybe it will remind Tyson what the two of you had was special, maybe he’ll realize what he’s about to lose. If it doesn’t, well, it’s his loss. Hauling your bags downstairs is a full workout, you intended to bring ‘just the essentials’ but you have way more important stuff than you originally thought. You aren’t planning on returning to this house any time soon.

Shutting the car door after you loaded in your stuff gives you some form of relief. You let out the breath you’ve been holding in. You made your decision, it’s time to follow through now. You make your way back inside, and into the kitchen. Cleaning up all leftovers from dinner, which obviously is a lot more than you expected. Although.. did you really think he would show up? You shake your head again, putting the leftovers into the fridge. After you finish the dishes you retreat back to the living room, falling down on the couch with a loud sigh. All you can do now is wait.

You could’ve just left and never look back, but that isn’t your style. If you’re going to leave, you’ll do it the right way. You won’t leave without giving him a piece of mind, letting him know he fucked this up for good. You try to focus on the movie playing on the screen, but your heart keeps beating harder and harder, at this point you wish you would’ve just left instead of waiting for Tyson to show up. God, why did you have to do it the right way? Because you know, deep down, you would’ve wanted him to do it the same way. It’s the humane thing to do, it’s only right after spending such a long time together.

The front door opening brings you out of your thoughts. Honestly you don’t even know what time it is, but frankly you don’t care. All you want right now is to get this off your chest and leave. Tyson’s eyes widen when he comes face-to-face with you, surprisingly he doesn’t seem that intoxicated. You suspected he went out, but at this point he could’ve been anywhere.

“You’re still up,” Tyson says, walking past you and flopping down on the couch.

“Yep, and you missed dinner,” you counter, crossing your arms. Tyson simply shrugs his shoulder, clearly not caring enough to explain his absence. “I texted you to make sure you would be here,” you say, even though you know it doesn’t make a difference.

“Yeah, I was busy,” Tyson answers, looking down at his phone.

You almost feel the need to chuckle, to start laughing at his stupid behavior, but this is anything but funny to you, it fucking hurts. “I’m done, Tyson. I’m fucking done,” you say, shaking your head, trying so hard to keep the tears away.

Tyson looks at you with dull eyes, no emotion visible on his face. “Then go to fucking bed, I really can’t deal with your problems right now,” he sighs, turning his head back to the phone in his hand.

Right now, at this moment you know you made the right decision. This isn’t behavior of someone who’s in love, this isn’t even behavior of someone who loves. “You don’t have to deal with me anymore, because I’m leaving. I’m done, we’re done,” you tell him, emphasizing the last part. Tyson’s eyes shoot to yours, the panic clearly written all over his face now.

“No, we’re not. You can’t break up with me, y/n!” he almost shouts at you, standing up from the couch.

“Yes, I can and I will. You don’t get to act like you care all of the sudden, Tyson. You haven’t acted like a boyfriend in months. You haven’t given me any reason to stay, so I won’t. I’m done with whatever this is,” you say, waving between the two of you. Tyson grabs your wrist, tears starting to pool in his eyes. He opens his mouth to say something but you cut him off. “No. No. You don’t get to do this. It’s over. You put on quite a show, but I can’t say it was very entertaining. This curtain fucking closes right now, show is over. You can act like you care, but I know by now that you don’t,” you tell him, ripping your arm out of his grip.

You walk over to the front door, keeping your head high. Now is not the time to break down, your time will come. You hear Tyson behind you, muttering how sorry he is, excuse after excuse leave his mouth. You open the door, turning around one last time to look at Tyson. “Don’t tell me you’re sorry, ‘cause you’re not,” you say while shaking your head. You close the door behind you, not looking back at what you’ve left behind, only looking forward to what’s yet to come.

It’s when you’re in your car mindlessly driving around when you realize you have nowhere to go. You forgot to call Gabe, and it’s probably way too late now. You quickly check the time, 2am, shit that’s late. You doubt he’s still awake, you feel bad for even thinking about waking him up. Two young children, both of them under the age of 2, and being a professional hockey player probably cost him enough energy already, you don’t need to add to that. “He did say I could always call him when I made my decision,” you say out loud, more to convince yourself that it’s okay than anything else.

You easily find Gabe’s contact, immediately pressing the dial button before you change your mind again. The line only rings twice before Gabe picks up. “I’m guessing you either finally broke up with him or there’s a fire somewhere,” Gabe says from the other side of the line. You chuckle, shaking your head. “And since you’re calling me and not the fire department, my guess is on the first one,” Gabe continues, trying to make you smile some more.

“I did it, I broke up with him, couldn’t stand to be there any second longer,” you sigh, brushing your fingers through your hair.

You hear Gabe’s sigh of relief. “I’m proud of you, y/n. I know this isn’t what you had in mind, but it’s better like this, I promise.”

Gabe turned into one of your best friends over time, Melissa is the older sister you never had and you love their children like they’re your own. Gabe and Melissa welcomed you into their family immediately after meeting you. You hadn’t expected to make friends and you definitely didn’t expect to make friends with the captain and his wife, but you’re so grateful you did. The support you receive from them is overwhelming, you couldn’t wish for better friends. So when Gabe first made you this offer, you were thankful he did, although you were still convinced at that point that Tyson would change.

“Uhm, you know.. that offer you made me? Is that still on the table?” you ask, praying he’ll say ‘yes’, praying you don’t have to sleep in some random hotel tonight.

“Of course, the guestroom is already prepared. Melissa expects you to be here as soon as possible, apparently she ‘really needs to cuddle her little sister’,” Gabe chuckles, you can almost hear him rolling his eyes at his wife.

“Thank you, Gabe. I owe you,” you say softly.

“You don’t. You’re family, y/n,” Gabe says, and you know he means every word he just said. Family. “Now get your ass over here, before Melissa starts a search party,” Gabe chuckles, making you laugh some more, because you know she would. You quickly say your goodbyes, promising you’ll be there in a few minutes. It’s just a short drive from your apartment, or Tyson’s apartment now, to Gabe and Mel’s place.

You kept up your appearance, keeping the tears at bay, but the moment you step out of your car and into Gabe’s arms you’re done. “Come here, I’m so sorry,” Gabe says softly, his hands rubbing soothing circles on your back.

You stand there for a few minutes, simply crying on your best friend’s shoulder, until Melissa squeezes herself between the two of you. “Hush, I need some sister time. Why don’t you grab her stuff?” she says, smiling sweetly at her husband.

Gabe sighs dramatically, sending a wink your way. “Whatever you say, wife.”

Melissa pulls you close to her, an arm around your waist, her head resting on your shoulder. “Come on, I’ll show you your room,” she softly says, leading you into the house. You’ve been here so many times already, but never like this. You’ve never been in a situation like this before, you’re not sure how to handle this. “I can hear the wheels turning in your head. It will be okay,” Melissa says, rubbing your arm soothingly. You sigh, shrugging your shoulders, not sure what to say.

Melissa leads you to your room, pushing you down on the bed, while she takes a seat on the edge of the bed. “I know you’re probably exhausted, but do you want to talk?” Melissa asks softly, her face showing nothing but compassion.

You lay back on the bed, staring at the ceiling, thinking about all that has happened. “I don’t even know what to say, Mel. I don’t even know how I feel right now. I’m just so...” you trail off, not knowing the right words to describe everything that you feel and think right now.

“Confused, relieved, mad?”

You sit back up, looking back at Melissa. “All of the above, I guess? It hurts, but I’m glad I did it. But I also regret it, because I love him, you know? I’m mad he didn’t try harder for me, for us,” you say, trying hard to keep the rush of tears away.

Melissa wraps her arms around you, pulling you close to her. “I know, sweetheart. It will take time, but you’re going to be okay.”

You sigh, knowing she’s right, even though it probably will take more time than just ‘some time’. You did just end a long relationship, it will take a lot of patience and time to work through that. “Thank you, Mel. For letting me stay here,” you mumble against Melissa’s shoulder.

“No need for that. You’re my sister, remember?” Melissa smiles at you.

Gabe softly knocks on the door before opening the door. “Brought your bags, thought you might need them before you go to sleep,” he says, smiling at the sight before him. Your friendship might be unconventional, but he couldn’t care less what other people think about it. Gabe absolutely adores the sister bond you and Mel share, he hoped the two of you would get along, so this? Picture perfect.

“Thanks, Gabe,” you smile at him.

“Do you mind if I steal my wife from you?” Gabe asks, making you and Melissa laugh out loud.

“Nope, she’s all yours,” you chuckle, waving at their retreating backs when they walk out of the room.

You strip out of your clothes, pulling on a sweater. You sigh, realizing you packed some of Tyson’s sweaters out of habit. His smell infiltrates your senses, making it damn hard to keep your emotions under control. It’s right this moment you know exactly how you feel. Heartbroken. The realization that your relationship with Tyson is really over doesn’t give you the satisfaction you hoped for, it doesn’t give you peace, it just fucking hurts. You simply feel hollow, even though deep down you know this was the right choice, this was what needed to happen. You know damn well why you feel so empty, you gave your heart to Tyson a long, long time ago, never expecting to be in a situation you might get it back. You don’t want it back, but you might need it back.

You realize it’s morning when the light softly shines into your room. You sigh, knowing damn well you’re lucky if you slept more than an hour this night. Rolling over you look at the clock on the wall, 9 am, perfect. Deciding it won’t do you any good if you stay in bed any longer, you force yourself out of bed and into the shower. The hot water warms your cold skin, soothing your sore muscles. All the twisting and turning you did all night surely didn’t help the way you feel right now. Why couldn’t life be a bit easier by simply letting the shower wash away all of your hurt, all of your pain? A fresh start, a clean slate.

You slip on some skinny jeans and a soft sweater, not in the mood to even think about doing your makeup. You dry your hair, before making a quick ponytail out of it. You walk down stairs, the chatter and laughter greeting you as soon as you walk into the kitchen. “Morning, guys,” you say, smiling at all the happy faces before you. A round of greetings sound throughout the room.

“How’d you sleep?” Gabe asks you as soon as you sit down next to him with a bowl of cereal.

“Can’t even tell you, suddenly it was 9 am,” you chuckle, shrugging your shoulders at Gabe’s raised eyebrow. “Do you have any idea where my phone is?” you ask Gabe, knowing he grabbed all your stuff out of your car.

“Uhh, I do, but I don’t know if you really want to look at it,” Gabe says, scratching the back of his head before pointing towards the kitchen counter. It’s your turn to raise your eyebrows, walking over to where Gabe’s pointing at.

You unlock your phone, quickly checking your notifications. “Oh damn,” you mutter, looking at the absurd amount of missed calls and messages left by none other than Tyson himself.

You sit back down next to Gabe, dropping your head on your arms. “What do I do now, Gabe?” you groan. “Why does he care all of the sudden?”

Gabe rubs his hand over your back before answering your question. “Because he lost you, y/n. He never thought he would.” You turn your head towards Gabe letting his words sink in.

Gabe gets ready to leave for practice shortly after you settle on the couch with Lucas in your arms. The little man has a fascination with your hair, maybe it’s all babies who have that, but you like to think that you’re special. “Don’t pull out all y/n’s hair, baby boy,” Gabe chuckles, giving his boy a soft kiss on his head. He gives you a kiss on your cheek, softly squeezing your shoulder. You open your mouth to say something, but Gabe cuts you off. “I know what you’re thinking. Don’t worry about it, I’m his captain, but I’m your friend, okay? Just relax, make sure Lucas doesn’t puke on you and go do whatever it is that you women do all day,” Gabe chuckles, knowing you better than you know yourself. You mouth a quick ‘thank you’ to him, wishing him good luck with practice before he runs through the house trying to find his girls to kiss them goodbye.

“Your daddy is a good guy, you know that, Lucas?” you smile at the baby on your lap. Lucas coos, his hands grabbing onto the strands of your hair. “Your daddy and mommy make me feel so loved, even though their children like to see me in pain,” you joke, trying to free your hair from Lucas’s small hands. “Buddy, you’re way stronger than you look,” you mumble, when Lucas pulls on your hair again.

Melissa laughs out loud the moment she walks into the living room. “How many times did I tell you that you need to keep your hair away from him and his grabby hands?” she says, expertly freeing your hair from her son’s fists.

“Apparently not enough times,” you chuckle at her. Melissa joins you on the couch, while Linnea Rae plays on the ground with some of her toys, happily showing you what she got every now and then. It’s times like this that you’re extra grateful for Melissa and Gabe, the way they welcomed you into their family has been nothing but perfect.

“So, what’s going through that pretty head of yours?” Melissa asks, while scrolling through series to watch on Netflix.

You shrug your shoulders. “I don’t know, I’m kind of worried about practice, I think? I don’t want to put Gabe in this position,” you say, keeping your eyes on Lucas.

“You know Gabe would do anything for you, huh? You don’t know how many times he came home utterly frustrated by the way Tyson treated you. He never said anything, because you were still with him, I can’t promise you he will stay quiet this time,” Melissa says, squeezing your shoulder. “He’ll be fine, this isn’t Gabe’s first rodeo.”

You look at Melissa, who simply gives you a wink. “I know, I know. I just don’t want him to get in trouble or anything,” you say, smiling back at her. You trust and know Gabe, so hopefully there won’t be a lot of trouble today.

“If he does though, he probably deserves it.”

Gabe surprises you all with some takeaway when he gets home from practice. It’s been nice eating with other people for change, it’s been way too long. The amount of lonely dinners has been through the roof lately. Gabe nudges you with his elbow, causing you to look up at him. “No frowning at the table.”

Melissa rolls her eyes at her husband while you just stick out your tongue at him. “Sure, dad,” you say, causing Melissa to almost choke on her bite of food before she lets out a loud laugh.

“Yeah, dad. Leave us alone,” Melissa laughs, winking at her husband. Gabe shakes his head at you and Melissa, a grin plastered on his face.

It’s during dessert you find the courage to ask about Tyson. You weren’t sure if you needed to ask Gabe, you weren’t even sure if you wanted to know anything, but now you know you do. “So, did anything happen during practice?” you ask him, playing around with your spoon.

Gabe shakes his head, giving you a small smile. “Not much, just some chirping. Told him I’m his captain and he needs to fucking focus on practice. That seemed to do the trick,” Gabe says, shrugging his shoulders, continuing to eat his dessert.

You look across the table at Melissa who has the same expression on her face as you. Not convincing at all. ‘Sure,’ Melissa mouths at you from across the table. You shake your head at her, furrowing your eyebrows at Gabe’s statement. ‘Nope,’ you mouth back at her, finishing your dessert. You decide to let it go, you don’t even know why you care so much. You shouldn’t, right? You broke things off with Tyson, so why do you care so much what he does and thinks? The answer to that question is pretty simple the longer you think about it. Because you still love him, that’s why.

You thank everyone for dinner and dessert, promising to cook something from them later this week. Right now all you can think about is your bed and a decent night of sleep. God, that sounds like a true dream right now. You strip out of your clothes, crawling into the soft and cozy bed. It doesn’t take long before you fall asleep, showing just how exhausted you truly are.

The weeks that follow are filled with all kinds of activities, the 5 of you falling back into a comfortable rhythm, surprising you considering the situation you’re in. It isn’t every day you take in the ex-girlfriend of one of your teammates, or your best friend, whatever way you want to see things. When you aren’t working you spend a lot of time with the kids, trying to make things easier for Melissa and Gabe whenever they are busy or simply need some time for the two of them. You happily take on some of their care, even if it’s as simple as making sure they get their food in time. Honestly they are two of the sweetest children you’ve ever come across, they always find ways to make you laugh, even though most of the time it isn’t on purpose.

It’s been quiet around the house tonight, Melissa went out with a few of her friends, while she left Gabe and the kids with you. Apparently she needed some ‘alone time’ which didn’t include kids, and definitely didn’t include Gabe after he mentioned he wanted some ‘alone time’ with her as well. You love their friendly bickering, the love they have for each other visible in everything they do. So when Melissa gave her husband a dirty look and flipped him the bird the only logical thing to do was to start laughing at their exchange. “Have fun with them, sweetheart!” Melissa had yelled at you when she walked through the door, leaving the four of you behind.

Together you decide to just have a movie night. It’s late enough for both children to be asleep already, yet early enough to squeeze in a full size movie marathon. “Gladiatorrrrr!” Gabe exclaims excitedly while scrolling through the movie selection on Netflix, pausing on his all-time favorite movie.

You groan, covering your face with your hands. “Please no, have mercy, Gabe,” you laugh, knowing damn well you’re going to sit through this movie again. How many times has it been already? 12? You wouldn’t even be surprised. This dude really loves his movie. You look at Gabe from between your fingers, seeing the look on his face which makes you groan even more. “Fineeee, one more time, Gabe. One more time,” you whine at him, secretly enjoying his taste in movies, something you don’t plan on telling him ever.

It’s a little after 10pm when the doorbell rings. You look at Gabe, who looks just as surprised as you are. “It’s a bit early for Mel, don’t you think?” Gabe asks, furrowing his eyebrows.

“Definitely, unless she drank the whole bottle of champagne again,” you chuckle, thinking back at one of the craziest parties you’ve ever been to with Mel and Gabe.

“Oh God, please don’t remind me of that,” Gabe shudders at the memory of that night, standing up to see who’s on the other side of the door.

Gabe hates to say that he isn’t surprised to see Tyson’s face as soon as he opens the door. Honestly he had expected him at his door days, maybe even weeks ago. The moment Tyson found out you were staying with Gabe he broke, Gabe expected him to fight, to yell, to scream, he expected him to do anything except cry. Which is exactly what Tyson did, breaking down in the middle of practice. For a moment the whole place went quiet, only Tyson’s cries echoing throughout the building. No one knew how to act, no one knew what to do, until Gabe realized he’s the captain for a reason. On and off the ice. It was a weird experience, one Gabe still feels extremely conflicted about. He comforted his teammate, his friend, while his other friend was at his home, utterly heartbroken, trying to get over the guy who was bawling his eyes out on the ice.

After Tyson got over the initial shock the anger took over, just as Gabe expected. It made him almost drop the gloves, something he tried to avoid, not wanting to hurt Tyson. He let him say his things, things that absolutely didn’t make any sense, until he got everything out of his system. “Now can we continue this fucking practice, Jost?” Gabe told him after everything calmed down. Gabe tried to avoid the Tyson/y/n topic as much as possible after that, not wanting to get in the middle of things more than he already was. Until tonight apparently.

Gabe raises an eyebrow at the boy before him. “Why are you here, Tyson?” Gabe sighs, already knowing the answer to that question.

Tyson looks around, eyes flickering from left to right, clearly uncomfortable being here. “I, uh, can I talk to y/n? I know she’s here,” Tyson asks, scratching the back of his head before putting them back in his pockets.

Gabe shakes his head at him. “You can’t, if she wants to talk to you she will find a way to contact you. As long as you don’t get your shit together and prove to me, but most of all to her, that you’ve changed, I won’t let you anywhere near her,” Gabe declares, starting to get annoyed with the way Tyson acts. There’s no way he lets him close to you until you feel like you’re ready to see him again, no way.

Tyson opens his mouth, but Gabe gives him a look that immediately shuts him up again. “I’m saying this as your captain, and definitely not as your friend right now. Go home and leave her the fuck alone. You had your chance, you fucked up and now you have to deal with the consequences. How you deal with those said consequences is up to you, but I suggest you leave now and think about everything you did and didn’t do, okay?” Tyson nods his head, turning around to walk back to his car.

When he’s a few steps away from his car he turns around, smiling sadly at Gabe. “She’s my home, Gabe. Home doesn’t feel the same without her. You out of all people should understand that.”

Gabe chuckles low, shaking his head at his clueless teammate. “I do. I do know what home feels like, but I never, never choose anyone or anything over my ‘home’. Never. You sure as hell did, time after time,” Gabe says frustratedly, before shutting the door, leaving behind an even more frustrated Tyson.

You didn’t mean to eavesdrop, but you caught the sound of Tyson’s voice when you walked to the kitchen, grabbing some more popcorn. You didn’t mean to listen to their conversation, but it felt like you were glued to your place, unable to take another step, unable to do anything but listen.

Gabe walks back into the room, the look on your face immediately letting him know you know. “How much did you hear?” he asks softly, approaching you slowly.

“Enough,” you whisper, before breaking down, no longer able to keep the tears locked away, no longer able to keep your emotions to yourself.

With two steps Gabe is in front of you, grabbing the bowl of popcorn you held onto between your trembling fingers. He guides you back to the couch, urging you to sit down, which is a true challenge for someone who can barely feel the ground they walk on. Gabe wraps his arms around you the moment you sit down, allowing you to cry onto his shoulder as much as you want and need. He whispers sweet nothings while softly brushing your hair out of your face, making sure you have room to breath. Time after time Gabe proves what kind of friend he is, always making sure to be there for you when he’s needed, always doing things with the best intentions. Even if it’s just holding you until you calm down, even if it’s just speaking the truth against Tyson, even if it’s just simply being there for one another.

“Sooner or later he would’ve realized what he lost, what he gave up for an evening of clubbing or God knows what. Apparently it’s sooner rather than later, however make sure you make him work for it, if you ever decide you want to give the two of you another chance,” Gabe softly advises you, when you finally calmed down a bit.

“I will, you know I love him, Gabe. But I don’t know if I should?” you mumble, not sure if it’s a question Gabe has the answer to.

“Sometimes the heart wants what it wants. If he’s serious about you, he will work his ass off to earn back your love and trust, I promise you,” Gabe comforts you, after knowing Tyson for so long he’s positive he knows that Tyson goes above and beyond to get what he wants in life.

Maybe it’s Gabe’s comforting words, maybe it’s knowing deep down Tyson still cares, maybe it’s your own strength, but for the first time in a while you feel a tiny flicker of hope, a little bit of light at the end of the dark tunnel. Maybe, just maybe this was all worth it, maybe this is what needed to happen to get better and move forward. Maybe this is how it was supposed to go.

It’s a weird feeling, knowing your ex still cares about you, but also knowing you aren’t ready to let him back into your life like that. You don’t feel like you’re capable of seeing him yet, let alone talk to him. The need to know how he’s doing, how he’s holding up grows, but also confuses you. It’s simply a weird and confusing situation to be in. Choosing between two, maybe even more ways to handle this, while also waiting for Tyson to make a move, which he obviously can’t since you don’t want to see him or speak to him, is a hard task. A task that will require a lot of thinking. You just need a bit more time to gather your thoughts, give all of your confusing feelings a place, while making sure you put yourself first, you need to put yourself first this time.

So when Gabe invites you to one of his home games a few weeks later you say ‘yes’ right away. It seems like the perfect time and place to see Tyson from a distance again, without putting too much stress on yourself, you can just watch and enjoy the game, you don’t have to force anything. Of course your seats turned out to be way closer to the ice than you expected them to be, although... what did you exactly expect with Gabe? You know he’s been talking to both of you, kind of acting like some sort of messenger. He tried to keep it casual, just slipping in some information during a conversation, but you noticed what he was trying to do. Frankly you’re thankful for his meddling.

Steadily your heart starts to beat faster and faster the more players appear on the ice to warm up. When Gabe appears you aren’t surprised to see Tyson close to him, knowing Gabe they probably had a little chat before they went on the ice. Tyson’s eyes shoot to yours the moment he’s close by, completely forgetting the ability to skate. You gasp when he lands on his ass on the ice, earning himself a round of laughter from the people around him, including Melissa and you. Gabe skates over to him, extending his hand and helping him upright again, but not before clearly telling him he’s ‘a dumbass’. Now that’s something you can agree on.

You know Tyson has something up his sleeve when he skates off to the bench, clearly busying himself with something you can’t see. After a few more stolen glances at each other Tyson skates closer and closer to you, until he’s right in front of the glass. His left hand catches your attention, until he gives you a small and almost shy smile. “Look at him, he’s blushing!” Melissa whispers next to you. You shoot her a quick ‘shut up’ look, before you focus your attention back on Tyson.

Tyson shows you the puck in his gloved hand, mouthing to you to catch it. It takes him two tries before the puck lands on the other side of the glass, safely in your hands. Tyson gives you one last quick smile before he skates off to get ready for the game. Melissa nudges you softly, bringing you back from your thoughts. “So, what’s on there?” she asks, knowing damn well you haven’t even checked.

“I don’t know if I want to look, Mel,” you tell her honestly. Melissa gives you a sad smile, throwing her arm around your shoulders.

“Let’s look together?” she suggests. You don’t know why you’re so nervous, how much can you actually write on a puck? He seemed happy to see you, so there’s no need to be nervous that it’s a bad thing. You look at the puck, turning it around in your hands so you can read the whole thing. ‘Talk after the game?’ is written on the puck, you immediately recognize Tyson’s handwriting and his little smiley face, or.. something that should resemble a smiley face.

“That wasn’t that bad, right?” Melissa asks softly, squeezing your shoulder.

“What if I’m not ready?” you ask her, a question that has been on your mind a lot lately.

“Then you take a step back, you don’t have to prove yourself to anyone, you don’t have any obligations. But he’s trying, y/n. You’ve heard all of Gabe’s stories, you’ve seen it yourself just now. It can’t hurt to at least talk to him.” You think about Melissa’s words, she does have a point there. Talking is something you should’ve done ages ago, or at least Tyson should’ve done that. So this is progress, he���s at least trying this time, that’s more than he used to do.

It’s hard to keep the smile off your face, you can’t even pinpoint why exactly you’re smiling. Whatever the reason is, it’s a good feeling to smile again. The game sure as hell plays a big part in it, the guys are on fire, scoring goal after goal, never giving the puck away for long. There’s barely any time for you to give Tyson a thumbs up, indicating you’re up for a talk after the game. Whenever you look at Tyson when he’s off the ice he’s smiling, whether it is to himself or to one of his teammates, that smile won’t leave his face.

You follow Melissa down to the locker room after the game is over. You’ve done this so many times, but this time it couldn’t be more different. You greet all the girls who are patiently waiting on their man, getting enough comforting words from them to last you a lifetime. When the door to the locker room opens you come face-to-face with Mikko, someone you haven’t seen in a while. Mikko’s face lights up when he spots you outside the locker room. “y/n! I haven’t seen you in so long,” he says, while hugging you tightly.

“I missed you too, goof. It’s great to see you,” you smile at him, wiggling out of his iron grip. Dude’s definitely stronger than he looks.

“Between you and me, Tyson’s a good kid, he just needed to grow up a bit,” Mikko whispers against your ear, before leaving you alone again.

You raise your eyebrow at Melissa, who just shrugs her shoulders. Weird. After a few more minutes Gabe and Tyson appear in front of you, both of them joking around. Tyson nervously looks around, not sure if he should come any closer. Gabe hugs you swiftly before throwing his arm around his wife’s shoulders. “Make sure you bring her home safely, Jost,” Gabe warns him, before quickly saying goodbye to both of you.

You watch them leave, your mouth agape by the way they just left you here. Rude. “Did they just really do that?” you ask no one in particular, still shocked by their actions.

You turn around, looking back at Tyson, who still appears to be nervous. Is he nervous to talk to you? Why would he be nervous? It’s just you. “Hi there,” you smile, looking up at the man in front of you.

“Hi beautiful, it was nice seeing you tonight,” Tyson softly says, giving you a small smile.

Your insides flutter with his use of words, it’s nice hearing them even though you’re not completely sure if he means them the way you hope he does. “It was. You played great, I had a lot of fun,” you say, smiling at the proud look that crosses Tyson’s face for a moment.

Tyson leads you back to the rink, which is now completely deserted, thinking it would be a nice place to chat. For a while the two of you fall back into small talk, ‘how’s life?’, ‘how’s work?’, all that bullshit. You know Tyson and you are avoiding the actual topic that needs to be discussed, or topics? Whatever it is, there’s a lot to talk about. “I missed it here, I forgot how much I loved being here,” you tell Tyson, looking at the lights that lighten up the place, thinking back at the memories full of fun and happiness you both created here.

“I missed you, baby,” Tyson blurts out, completely catching you off guard.

Your eyes shoot back to his, you feel the panic rising inside your body. “Tyson...,” you start, warning him he’s walking on thin ice here.

Tyson’s face falls a bit, seeing the anxious look on your face. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that,” Tyson groans, rubbing his face harshly, utterly frustrated with himself and the situation.

It’s quiet for a minute, both of you completely lost in thoughts. “Why is this so hard? We used to be able to talk about anything and everything. What changed, y/n?” Tyson wonders out loud.

You feel a painful pang in your heart, because you know damn well what changed. “You did, Tyson. You changed,” you almost whisper, the truth behind those words more clear than ever before.

You watch as Tyson’s whole composure changes in the blink of an eye, in just a split second he goes from the ‘happy’ guy to the guy who’s just as heartbroken as you are. “I did, didn’t I?” Tyson whispers, the tears pooling in his eyes. “I fucked this up, how could I be so stupid?” he mumbles, burying in face in his hands. “I’m so sorry, I regret this more than I could ever admit to you. I’m so sorry, baby,” Tyson cries, trying to keep his eyes focused on you. It’s hard to keep your own tears at bay when the guy you love so much has a breakdown in front of you, so you don’t. You just let them fall.

You don’t make a move to comfort him, you do give him room to let it all out, give him time to gather his composure again. “I looked through the box, the one you left on our bed?” Tyson says, his voice still broken, still thick with emotion. You nod your head, it was something you hoped he would do. “I had no idea you kept all of that throughout the years,” Tyson smiles weakly at you. “It made me realize what a moron I have been these past few months, maybe even longer,” he continues, shaking his head in disappointment. You listen intently at him, this, this is what you hoped for all this time: realization.

“I’m not telling you that you weren’t a moron, because you absolutely were. But I’m glad you came to the same conclusion.”

Tyson chuckles at your statement, giving you half a smile. “I know, I’m a dumbass. I’m a dumbass for acting this way and a dumbass for letting you go. Any guy would be on top of the world with you by his side, and I just let you slip through my fingers,” Tyson tells you, finally showing he knows he’s been a fool all this time, he knows he let something special go.

“Is it too late for us? Can you give us another chance?” Tysons asks you, his eyes flickering between you and the ground.

You sigh softly, knowing this question would come. It’s something you gave a lot of thought, something that crossed your mind daily. “I don’t know, Tyson. I really don’t know. You really fucking hurt me, you know? I can’t just look past that, I need to heal from that,” you tell him. Tyson nods his head, a guilty expression on his face. “You made me feel worthless every single day. You didn’t even give me a second of your time day after day. All you cared about was being away. Being away from me?”

It’s right that moment Tyson interrupts you by grabbing your hands. “No. No. That’s not true, you need to believe me,” he tells you as fast as he can.

“But how can I believe you when you never gave me a reason to? Your actions showed me exactly that, Tyson. I need answers, I need to know why,” you exclaim, starting to panic again, your anxiety taking over.

“Easy, baby. I’ll tell you everything you want to know, everything you want, but right now I need you to breath. Breathe, baby,” Tyson says softly, trying to calm your shallow breathing back down to normal. “Listen to my breathing, try to follow the way I breathe.” You do as he says, following the rise and fall of his chest, gaining back control of your own breathing.

“I’m sorry,” you apologize, while Tyson just shakes his head at you, letting you know it’s okay. “Can you take me home, Ty? We can talk later, okay?” you ask him, suddenly feeling the need to crawl underneath the covers of your bed and just simply sleep for a while.

“Anything you want, y/n,” Tyson says, leading you out of the room and back to his car. You’re pretty sure he mumbled something under his breath, something very closely resembling ‘your home isn’t there, it’s with me’.

The drive to Gabe takes longer than expected, giving you more time to think about Tyson’s earlier question. You still need and want to know how he spent his nights, where he spent his nights, and why he acted like you didn’t exist. That conversation might need to wait until another day, you aren’t up for any more information, any more realizations, you still need to process everything you heard, saw and felt today.

Tyson stops the car in front of Gabe’s house, looking back at you with hopeful eyes. You know he still hopes he gets an answer to his earlier question, and you want to give him at least that. “You need to show me you changed, Tyson. Show me you changed for real and I’ll try to get past everything that happened. I can’t promise you anything,” you tell him softly, meaning everything you just said.

Tyson nods his head, a smile of relief on his lips. “I will, I promise you I will show you I changed and that you’re everything to me. I promise, baby.”

So that’s exactly what Tyson does the next few weeks, every free moment he tries to show you just how much you mean to him, without smothering you. Whether it’s taking you out for dinner, although you’re still waiting for Tyson to actually make you dinner by himself one day, to small coffee dates and fresh flowers at work. It’s been a lot to process, a lot of adjusting to this ‘new’ Tyson, or rather seeing the ‘old’ Tyson again. And you missed him, God you missed him so much.

Tyson seems happier, more at peace with himself these days, it’s a pleasant change. Often you wondered what was really going on inside his head, but you stopped trying after he waved it off again, and again, and again. The late night phone calls, or facetiming during road trips have become a habit again, something you didn’t think you would ever experience again with him. You still take things slow with Tyson, deciding to rather allow yourself to slowly start trusting him again than diving head first into a relationship again. Maybe it will never come that far again, you don’t know how the future will look like for the two of you, but for now it’s enough.

You come face-to-face with a smirking Melissa when you get home from yet another ‘iced coffee and donut’ date, even though you’re pretty sure Tyson isn’t allowed to eat any donuts. “Oh no,” you groan at Melissa’s expression.

“It’s time we have a little sister-sister conversation, don’t you think?” she asks you, ushering you into the living room.

“Do we?” you groan again, not in the mood to handle whatever Melissa wants to talk about now, because you already know it’s either about you, Tyson or you and Tyson.

Melissa flops down on the couch, patting the place next to her, indicating for you to sit your ass down. “Did you already talk to him about it?” she asks, straight to point in pure Melissa-style.

You let your head fall back against the cushions, sighing loudly. “I didn’t. We’re doing great, we’re having fun. I’m going to ruin it if I start asking questions again.”

Melissa stays quiet for a minute, trying to figure out the right way to approach this sensitive topic. “You know you deserve the truth, right? You can’t rebuild a relationship when not everything’s on the table, sweetheart,” Melissa says softly, knowing you’re struggling with this.

“I promise I’ll talk to him after the road trip, I don’t want to create any unnecessary negative energy before,” you promise Melissa, although she gives you a ‘who are you trying to fool here’ look before switching topics.

A few days later you find yourself back at Tyson’s place. It’s weird being here, knowing you don’t live here anymore. Nothing changed, absolutely nothing, Tyson kept everything the way you did, whether it’s out of laziness or out of hope you’ll come back on day. Either way it’s weird coming back to a place that’s no longer your home. You came here to talk, nothing more nothing less. You promised Mel you would, and if you’re being honest with yourself it’s time to know the truth, time to reopen old wounds and finally get some answers. You’ve grown closer and closer to Tyson, without knowing everything, without knowing you’d be able to forgive him if he ever made a misstep. It’s time.

Tyson has been a nervous wreck ever since you called him last night after he returned from the road trip to St. Louis. He knew this was coming, but he prayed you would simply forget, even though he knows that’s not fair at all. He can’t excuse his behavior, and he won’t, not anymore. You deserve nothing but the truth, the full truth. He’s not proud of it, but you leaving him opened his eyes, showed him he really needed to change. Tyson feels like that’s something he truly did, he changed for the better, he can only hope you’ll feel the same way. He can only hope you’re still on the same path after tonight.

“You did great these last games, Ty,” you smile at him. You’re proud of the way he’s been performing these last couple of games, he really stepped up his game.

“I know you didn’t come here to talk about my performances on the ice, so can we please skip the pleasantries?” Tyson sighs, catching you completely off guard with his rather harsh approach. “Fuck, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it that way, I’ve just been so fucking nervous since you called me,” Tyson curses, frustratedly brushing his fingers through his curls.

“You’re right though, I did come to talk. I think it’s time we lay all our cards on the table,” you tell him, nodding at your own answer.

You nervously bite on your lip, playing with the cup of water in your hand. It isn’t every day you ask your ex these questions. Questions you want the answers to, question you maybe don’t even want to hear the answers of. “I need to know if you cheated on me, Ty,” you blurt out, keeping your eyes on the ground, not wanting to see the look on Tyson’s face.

“Look at me, baby,” Tyson says, urging you to look up at him. “I never cheated on you, I wouldn’t do that to you. I promise.”

You shake your head at him, not knowing what to do with these emotions surging through your body. “It doesn’t make sense, Ty. Where were you all those nights? Where were you every time I lay in bed alone waiting for my boyfriend to come home? Waiting if he actually comes home this time or stays out all night again? Where were you?” At this point you’re past the civil conversations, past the friendly banter, you need answers, you need to know why he did what he did. The reason doesn’t even matter at this point, you need to know why. Why did he leave you alone so many nights, worrying about his well being, worrying about if he would come home at some point?

“Fuck, y/n! I know I fucked up, I know I did. But I swear on everything, I swear on my career, I swear on you that I never, never, touched another woman. I never kissed another woman, I never even danced with another woman, I did not cheat on you,” Tyson exclaims, hoping, praying you hear what he’s saying, that you’ll believe him. He didn’t do anything with another person, it was always you, it still is only you and he’ll do everything in his power to prove that to you every damn day.

“Then where were you, Ty? If you weren’t with another woman, then where the fuck were you every night you didn’t came home? Please enlighten me, because I’m so lost, so fucking lost,” you say, feeling utterly frustrated with yourself, with Tyson, with this shitty situation.

Tyson takes a deep breath, placing his cup back on the table. “Shitfaced drunk to the point I couldn’t even remember my own name, or so stoned I saw freaking elephants running all around town. Spending my money on unnecessary shit at clubs and bars, all to forget, trying to forget the fact that I had a perfect girlfriend waiting for me at home, while I did stupid shit. Fuck, this sounds even worse out loud than in my head,” Tyson groans, burying his face in his hands.

“But...,” you start, before Tyson cuts you off.

“I felt ashamed and guilty, y/n. Ashamed I let it get that far every time, guilty I didn’t tell you, guilty I didn’t come home again. One of the guys would just take me back to their place out of sympathy, letting me crash on their couch, trying to sleep off my haze.”

You try to come up with words to say, with anything but nothing comes out, you just feel.. empty? “I don’t understand, Tyson,” you say, at this point not even sure what you don’t understand.

“I tried, y/n. I tried to just come clean, but I couldn’t when you were so nice all the time, I couldn’t when I knew you would hate it, hate me. You know I’m a fucking lightweight, that makes it even worse. But those are no excuses, there aren’t any. I fucked up,” Tyson sighs, giving you a sad smile, “I couldn’t face you, I didn’t know how to show you my vulnerable side without letting it change the way you saw me. I didn’t want you to see me any different, but I didn’t notice I changed until you packed your bags and left me standing in the doorway.”

You’re absolutely speechless, there are so many things you want to say but you can’t form any sentences, any words. You just stare at him, your mind racing with an unlimited amount of thoughts. “Are you okay, baby?” Tyson asks softly, reaching out to put his hand on your arm.

You shake your head from side to side, wiping away the tears that spilled out. “I’m not okay, I’m definitely not okay,” you tell him. “I feel terrible knowing you didn’t feel like you could come to me, like you couldn’t talk to me. I’ve always been your biggest supporter, nothing would’ve changed that, Ty.”

Tyson gently wipes the tears away from underneath your eyes, scooting closer to where you’re seated. “Come here, baby,” he softly says, opening his arms for you. You hesitate for a second, not knowing if this is the right thing to do. Fuck the right thing, you definitely need a hug right now, and judging by Tyson’s facial expression he needs one as well. You lean forward, putting your arms around his neck, breathing in the familiar scent of his body. How long has it been since you hugged each other? You can’t even remember, way too long. Tyson closes his arms around you, pulling you as close as possible to his own body.

“I missed this, Ty. I missed you,” you confess, the feeling of his arms around you, the feeling of Tyson, bringing back so many memories, so many happier times.

“I know we still have a long way to go, but I hope we’ll do this together. I can’t even tell you how great it feels to have my arms around you again, even if it’s just for a moment,” Tyson says, after you both let go of each other.

“We do, but I’m in if you’re in, Ty,” you agree, wanting nothing more than to work through the issues you still have. It’s time to forgive, time to let go, time to change and time to move on.

“I’m all in.”

The talk you had with Tyson that Wednesday evening did wonders for the both of you. You still had a long way to go before you were even remotely close to where you used to be with Tyson, but the most important thing was that you were working on things. Slowly, but steadily the two of you worked on trusting each other again, telling each other important things again, just simply working on being in a healthy relationship again. Although the word never came up, you were nowhere near ready for that commitment, so you settled on something less intimidating. Friends.

It was supposed to be a regular, normal Friday evening with just Melissa and the kids. Gabe and Tyson were playing one of their most important games this season, both of them begged you to come, but it was too late to find a babysitter. Not wanting to be by yourself there and leaving Mel alone, you decided to sit this one out as well, promising to cheer them on in front of the tv. It’s the least you could do. So there you are, seated on the couch wearing your Jost jersey for the very first time again, just as you promised. Weird, like nothing ever changed, even though the exact opposite is true.

You’re bouncing a giggling Linnea Rae on your knee, looking down at her adorable mini jersey. “Look it’s your daddy!” you exclaim excitedly, pointing at the closeup shot of Gabe.

“Daddy!” Linnea Rae giggles just as excited.

You catch Mel softly smiling at your little interaction with her daughter, enjoying the love you share for each other. It’s been a blessing to have you around here, the way you care for her children, but also for her and her husband has been phenomenal. Mel couldn’t wish for a better friend, for a better sister than you.

“Oh no,” you whisper when Tyson gets slammed hard into the glass. Melissa grabs your hand, squeezing softly.

“He’s going to be fine, he’s a tough guy,” she says, trying her best to comfort you. And he is, like the tough guy Tyson is, he gets up again, shaking off the hard hit. The game continues and you’re glad Tyson is fine, skating like he didn’t just get squeezed between a glass wall and a 200 pound hockey player.

All goes well until Gabe decides the best place to smack his stick is directly against Tyson’s face, again. “Not his face, Gabe! Not his fucking face again!” you yell at the screen, thanking Mel for already putting the kids to sleep.

“Shit, that looks bad,” Melissa almost whispers, squeezing your hand again.

You don’t know many things for sure in life, but you sure as hell know Tyson will be spotting a black eye for weeks. But like the tough guy he already proved to be, he just goes on with the game, trying his absolute best to work as hard as he can, giving himself completely to the game, anything to get his team the victory.

“That’s the second time you gave my man a black eye, Gabe. Why do you keep hurting him?” you whine the second Gabe walks into the living room. For a moment the room stays awfully quiet, until you realize what you just said. “I really said that, huh?” you ask, fighting to keep the smile off your face.

“You sure did. But I’m sorry, it was an accident. Again,” Gabe chuckles, shrugging his shoulders.

“Uhu, again,” you say, rolling your eyes at your best friend.

Gabe grins at you, flopping down on the couch next to Mel. “I’ll try not to hurt his pretty face again, okay?” Gabe laughs, shaking his head at you in a playful way.

“Is it weird if I, you know.. went over to check up on him?” you ask your friends, suddenly insecure about the thought of just showing up at his door.

Gabe gives you a soft smile. “I’m absolutely convinced he’d love that, y/n,” Gabe says, pulling Melissa closer to him.

“I know he would, sis,” Melissa agrees with her husband.

“Fine, okay. I’ll be back in a few. Don’t enjoy yourself too much,” you tell the two lovebirds before finding your stuff and almost running out of the front door.

You’re giddy the entire drive to Tyson’s apartment. This could go two ways, either it goes extremely well or this backfires completely. You’re hoping for the first one. Seeing Tyson get hurt gave you some realizations. One of them is that you absolutely hate to see him hurt, and you want nothing more than to be there for him, care for him, to tell him everything will be alright. Which brings you to your second discovery of the evening: you still love him, you’re still completely and utterly in love with Tyson. You can’t, really can’t imagine your life without Tyson in it. It’s your turn to tell him you need him, tell him you don’t want to do anything without him, tell him you still see a future together.

You pick up his favorite comfort food on the way over, cake. You know his nutritionist will hate you for this, but he deserves a treat after taking a stick to the face. You chuckle to yourself when you think of the small cake you bought, it’s stupid and childish, but you love it. The fun you already had makes it absolutely worth it. You park in front of the building, hopping out of the car and quickly making your way over to the floor Tyson occupies.

You rummage around in your coat pocket for the lighter you bought alongside the cake. Quickly placing the cover back into the bag, and lighting up the ‘2’ shaped candle. You snicker to yourself, enjoying this way too much. You knock on the door and patiently wait for Tyson to open up. You hear Tyson approaching, making it harder and harder to keep your composure.

The moment he opens the door his face shifts from slight annoyance, to confused, to happy, and back to confused again. “y/n?” he asks softly, looking between you and the cake, confusion clearly written all over his face.

“Happy second black eye!” you yell, before bursting out in laughter.

Tyson can’t help but join you in your laughter, if there’s one thing he loves about you, it’s your wicked sense of humor. “You really are something special, aren’t you?” Tyson chuckles, shaking his head softly at you, a smile playing on his lips.

“You tell me, Jost,” you say, giving him a wink before walking past him and inside his apartment.

“So you bought me a cake?” Tyson asks you, looking over your shoulder to the cake on his kitchen counter.

“I sure did, thought you’d deserved a treat after what Gabe did to you, again,” you laugh.

“He sure likes to hit me in the face with things. But thank you, this really means a lot to me, baby,” Tyson softly says, squeezing your hip with one of his hands, before grabbing two plates. While Tyson cuts the cake you look for something to drink, deciding water will do for the night.

You flop down on the couch next to Tyson, immediately bringing the fork with a piece of cake to your mouth. “Oh God, that’s so good,” you moan out, you picked some killer cake.

“Don’t make those noises, please,” Tyson groans, stuffing his face with cake.

“I’m sorry I picked such a good freaking cake, mister,” you laugh, nudging him with your foot. Tyson rolls his eyes playfully at you, grabbing your foot with his free hand before you can nudge him again and again.

“Movie?” Tyson asks after you both finished your plates, although Tyson finished the last few bites of your piece. Like he said he’s a needy and hungry man.

“Sure, but just something light and funny, Ty. Nothing dark,” you tell him, knowing he’d love to scare you throughout some horror movie.

While Tyson scrolls through the movies, you make yourself more comfortable on the couch, laying back against the cushions with your feet against Tyson. He looks at you, scanning your body, clearly thinking about something since his eyebrows keep furrowing and relaxing.

“Come here, Tyson,” you softly say when he finally picks a movie to watch, opening your arms for him. His eyes shoot to yours, like he can’t actually believe you just told him that. He gives you a quick smile, before moving towards you, laying down beside you.

He rests his head against your chest, just like he used to do so long ago, his arm wrapped around your waist. “Is this okay?” he asks you, making sure you aren’t uncomfortable, even though you’re the one who suggested this.

“It’s perfect, Ty,” you reassure him.

Halfway through the movie you can’t resist the temptation to run your fingers through his curls any longer. Tyson groans softly when your nails rake over his scalp, sending chill through your body. “That’s so good, please never stop doing that,” he groans out, pulling you tighter against him.

“I wasn’t planning on it, Ty,” you tell him, smiling at the way his eyes shoot to yours.

“You aren’t? Are you serious?” he asks you quietly, eyes still locked on yours.

“I am, love. I came to the conclusion that you’re worth all the risks in life. You’re my light, my guiding light in darkness, my light at the end of the tunnel,” you say, leaving a soft kiss on his forehead. You try to express your emotions towards Tyson, trying to make him feel what you felt when you came to the sudden realization he’s worth taking a risk.

“What does that mean, baby?” Tyson asks you softly, an uncertain smile on his lips.

“It means I’m willing to give us another shot, another go. I want to try again, Ty.”

You can’t help the smile that forms on your lips when you look at Tyson’s face, the realization setting in, the happiness and the gratefulness spreading all over his face, the relief flooding through his body.

“How does that work?” Tyson asks again, clearly trying to rid himself of any insecurities, any questions he has. You gladly take those insecurities away from him.

“A clean slate, completely starting over again to give us both a fresh start. How does that sound?” you ask him.

Tyson nods at you, the happiness radiation off him. “A fresh start, I like the sound of that,” Tyson muses. The changes on his face fascinates you, it seems like he goes through a whole range of emotions in just a few minutes. Until he reaches one you know all too well, mischief. He looks at you, the familiar glimmer in his eyes tells you he’s definitely up to something. He sends you a soft and sweet smile, that almost melts you into a puddle right there and then. “Hi, I’m Tyson,” he says, extending his hand to you. You can’t help the laughter that bubbles out of you, this is exactly how Tyson is. Funny, charming, an absolute dream.

“You’re a goof, you know that?” you tell him, softly shaking your head at him, but the big grin on your face tells him you loved that. Tyson intertwined his fingers with yours, squeezing softly. When he doesn’t make any other moves you take matters into your own hand, slowly leaning in and softly pressing your lips on his. The familiarity, the rush of emotion flooding through your body hits you like a ton of bricks. The feeling of his lips against yours light something deep inside of you, and just like that you finally feel complete again.