#like ok. I’m slow. but at least I’m still doing my job

[zootopiathingz]

So apparently two of my co-workers were talking shit about me and another new hire bc we’re “dead weight” and said that we should get less hours or just quit. Another girl overheard them and reported them to the manager and they got in trouble. I didn’t know about this until today so idk when this happened but man I’m so pissed

[girlgen1us]

oh you guys this job is SO boring it’s insane

[jezabelle9299]

Make-up Birthday S.R x FEM! Reader

Overture: Spencer didn't just miss your birthday he forgot it. (Happy Ending)

C-Ws: Missed occasions, pushing down feelings for the benefit of another person, Spencer chose Gideon over you

A/N- Baby's first angst, go easy on me. And I've been in a sour mood so I have 2 other angst fics (also birthday themed), that will probably be posted sometime this week. Our regularly scheduled sap will return next week.

You weren’t a very big birthday person. Of course when you were young you had birthday parties with all of your little friends, but as time went on, things got busy. It was pushed to the side for years, until you preferred to just ignore it. Until a few weeks ago, when Spencer asked what you’d like to do to celebrate. You told him nothing was necessary, but he insisted that the two of you at least spend the day together. You let yourself get excited, you made good plans, just takeout and movie night, but that was enough. If it were anyone else you’d remind him, several times, but you knew he wouldn’t forget. He didn’t forget anything.

This morning you woke up to an empty bed, and you knew Spencer had gone to work. He had a few meetings he mentioned having to go to about their latest cases, but you weren't expecting him until this evening. The day passed you by when you got set up, but time slowed down when there was nothing to do but wait. Each second passed a little slower than the last, until you got worried. You haven't heard from Spencer all day. 

You: Hey Spence, everything ok?

Spence: I’m ok, just got caught up at work. I’ll come to your place as soon as I can. 

You: Ok, see you then

You were glad he was ok, and you knew he’d rather be with you, than at work. Something important must’ve come up, he wouldn’t miss this over nothing. But time passed with no more texts, until you resigned yourself to him just not coming. You changed from your date outfit into some comfy pajamas, and laid down in bed. You weren’t upset with Spencer, this job was important to him, and you knew he felt like he had something to prove just being there. You could celebrate another day.

It wasn't until well after nine when Gideon asked Spencer what he was still doing here, he’d mentioned weeks ago that he’d need to leave early. That’s when Spencer realized what he was missing. It wasn’t just movie night, by now he’d missed almost your entire birthday, after he’d pressed you to celebrate it at all. He rushed out as quickly as possible, but by the time he got to your place it was too late. He knocked on the door and as soon as you answered, all the apologies came pouring out. He couldn’t make himself stop until you put your hands on either side of his face making him look you in the eyes. 

“It’s ok Spence, I know how important your job is, and we can celebrate another day.”  

He leaned down to hug you, burying his face in your neck. “I’m so sorry honey, it totally slipped my mind. But I promise to make it up to you.” You pulled away from him at that. 

“Wait, what do you mean?” He just looked at you, like he was replaying what he said to figure out what he did wrong. 

“You–you forgot?” 

“I thought you knew.”

“No, I didn’t. I had this picture in my mind, like when you leave for cases, when you tell me how you wish you could be here.”

“I do wish I was here, baby. You mean the world to me.” You couldn’t keep doing this, his reassurance was breaking you down bit by bit. Sure now he wished he was there, but he didn’t even realize you were missing him. 

“I’m gonna go for a drive I think, we don’t have to celebrate another day, it’s fine.” 

“No please stay– please let me make this up to you.” His phone rang. A shrill tone cutting through, nearly making you wince.

“It’s Gideon, I have to take this. But please stay with me, I want to talk about this. It’ll only take a minute.” 

“It’s fine, I’ll talk to you tomorrow Spence, just remember to lock up when you leave ok?” You picked up your shoes and keys before you walked out, still in your pajamas. You gave him not even half of a smile, and it was breaking his heart. But he couldn’t ignore the call.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                             

Gideon was like a father to him, and even though he winced when the door shut behind you, quietly, as if you weren’t even upset, he still answered. There wasn’t even a case, Gideon just had a question about some evidence. Nothing would’ve happened if he didn’t answer, no one was dying, and the only one hurt was you. He couldn’t have just ignored the call, and now you were gone. 

Spencer didn’t forget anything, but somehow he forgot this. 

You weren't sure where you’d go. You decided to allow yourself one evening to be upset. To acknowledge that this whole situation sucks and honestly today your usually wonderful boyfriend kind of sucks too. You’ll feel guilty about it tomorrow, but tonight you're going to drive an hour and a half down the highway, just to turn back around so you could avoid the drunk drivers on the road when the bars close. Spencer should be gone by then, you’re sure Gideon was calling to steal your boyfriend away on a case again and you’d call him in the morning to make sure he got there ok and tell him to be safe like you always did. 

What Spencer did was important, and you couldn’t be mad at him for missing something as silly as a birthday for a work problem. But he wasn’t out saving lives like you thought. It may be selfish or overly-presumptuous about your standing in his life, but when you missed him it made you feel better to think he was missing you just as much. How he was at work thinking about how he loved you. And today was the day that illusion shattered.

You could only sob at the thought. 

By the time you got home, it was almost 1am. The redness in your eyes finally started to subside, you got too dehydrated to continue actually crying almost an hour ago, so that’s when you decided that the time for being upset over this was done. Even the puffiness in your face was going down. But when you unlocked the door, Spencer was waiting for you. 

“You’re home.” 

“You’re here. I thought you had a case.” 

“No, Gideon just had a question about some evidence, I wanted to be here when you got back.” 

“That’s sweet of you Spencer, but I just went for a quick drive. I’m kind of tired, so I think I’m just going to head to bed now, ok? But I’ll see you in the morning.” You gave him a resigned kiss on the forehead and his heart broke. He did this. And you called him Spencer, not ‘Spence’, not ‘honey’, not ‘babe’. Spencer. It never sounded so awful. 

He did all he could do, he slept on the couch and let you rest. You would be talking about this in the morning. You couldn’t shut him out forever, he loved you too much.  

The beeping of the coffee machine woke him up, his legs half hanging off your couch. He immediately got up. If the coffee machine was going off, you were awake, and you could talk about last night. 

“Honey?”

“Hi, I didn’t realize you’d stayed here last night, were you too tired to drive?”

“No, but I wanted to be here when you woke up.”

“You could've slept in my bed with me.” You were glad he didn’t. But you wanted to maintain your facade, you wanted to forgive him, and forget about everything.

“You’re upset with me, I wanted to talk to you.”

“I’m not upset.”

“You’re the love of my life and I hurt you. You don’t have to pretend to be ok with it.”

“It was one day, Spencer. It’s fine, you don’t have to sleep on the couch as penance.” You were putting on your coolest presence, but everything you said still came out as more of a mumble than it would’ve. 

“I need you to listen to me, you are the most important person in my life. I love you so much it hurts, and I can’t stand the thought of you thinking I forgot about you.” That broke your barely held together exterior of confidence.

“Why are you doing this?”

“Because I need you to know that I love you, I can’t just let this go.”

“Ok fine. You made me celebrate my birthday and when you forgot anyway, it hurt my feelings. But I don’t want a makeup birthday, and I wish I could just forget about it, and I don’t understand why you want me to be mad at you.”

“I don’t want you to be mad, but when you are mad, I need you to tell me. I can’t do anything to help if I don’t know what’s going on.”

“But I don’t want you to know when I’m upset. I want to be the cool girlfriend that doesn’t get upset when her boyfriend does something by accident. You are the best boyfriend I’ve ever had and when you make one mistake about something I wouldn’t have even cared about a month ago, I can’t get over it. But I really want to get over it, so could we please just forget about it?” By this point tears were flowing down your face, but you were still wiping your face every few seconds to stop them in their tracks.

“No we can’t just forget, I think you’re the coolest girl I’ve ever met, and it’s not because you ignore your feelings whenever you think they’d be inconvenient. I want to spend the day with you if you’d be ok with it, but if you want some time alone that’s ok too.”

“I want to spend the day with you. But could we leave out the birthday theme?”

“Sure honey, whatever you want, I’m all yours.”

“You know I love you Spence, right?”

“I know, I love you too.” It was an upsetting morning, but he was still overjoyed that you called him ‘Spence’ again. He’d earned his pet name back.

“Do you really think I’m cool?” It was barely spoken into his chest, moreso whined, muffled by the fabric of his sweater vest. At this moment, you were so uncool. Yet he still kissed your forehead as he laughed. 

“The coolest.”

[formula-nyoom]

Hi! I’m currently recovering from a pretty bad hip injury and am doing physical therapy right now. PT’s been really hard and hurts my hip like hell, so I was wondering if you could maybe write about either a McLaren or Ferrari driver (your choice) who’s going through it after a hip injury and is just having a really tough time, but all of the drivers (especially Lando, Charles, Carlos, Oscar, and Daniel if that’s okay - I know it’s a lot hahaha) are there to reassure her and cheer her on.

If you don’t feel comfortable writing this, I totally understand! I hope you have a nice rest of your day/night! :)

A/N: Hope I did ok with this one. Midterms prevented me from working on this but I tried to finish this as soon as possible. Hope you enjoy it.

Realistically you should be grateful that you can still walk after the massive crash you went through in Jeddah. Well “walk” is a loose term. Having to go through physical therapy and making sure your hip heals properly, you’re not able to put any weight on your foot and have to use crutches to walk. The combination of that and the lingering pain has not made the recovery process easy. But thankfully, you were only the reserve driver for Ferrari, which means you didn’t have to rush your recovery.

“How are you feeling?” Charles asked as he packed your bag for the day while you laid on the bed in your hotel room. Him and Carlos had been helping you throughout the week with getting around the Australian circuit and you were very grateful for your fellow teammates' willingness to help.

“I don’t want to walk or move. I don’t want to go anywhere.” You said.

 “I could carry you if you’d like.” Carlos said. You shook your head.

“And risk you pulling your stitches? You just got cleared to get back in the car and we both know Ferrari can’t afford to have Bearman drive right now.” You told him. 

“Please at least let me carry your stuff or drive you to the track. I'm the whole reason you got hurt.” Carlos said. 

 “No you're not Carlos. It's my own fault I crashed.” You said. You could tell that Carlos felt guilty about you having to fill in for him and then crashing during the race, but you kept trying to reassure him that injuries like yours came with the job of being a race car driver. The only person to blame for your injury is yourself, not the teammate you were filling in for.

 “But if my appendix didn't burst, you wouldn’t have been in the car.” Carlos said. Charles rolled his eyes.

 “Ok, the two of you can assign blame all you want for the rest of the day, but right now, we have to get to the paddock.” Charles said. “(Y/N), I will help you get down to the car. Carlos, you can carry her stuff.”

Charles helped you get out of bed and get situated with your crutches while Carlos grabbed your bag and the two helped you get down to the hotel lobby. 

~~~

You had barely made it past the paddock entrance and the fan barricades before everything started to hurt. You knew that navigating the paddock was going to be difficult but you didn’t expect to have to stop and rest everytime your hip decided to flare up with pain. You had already told Carlos and Charles to go ahead of you, not wanting to slow them down. They were hesitant to leave you behind, but you assured them that it’s better they make it to the team meeting on time than have them constantly wait for you. 

 “Hey (Y/N)! How are you doing?” You looked up from leaning on your crutches to see Daniel and Oscar approaching you. They seemed to be in high spirits with it being their home race. 

“I’m doing ok. I’m trying to get to the Ferrari garage but I’m having some difficulty.” You said, motioning to your hip.

 “Let me help you then. I’ll give you a piggyback and get you there in no time.” Daniel said.

 “Are you sure? I don’t want you to risk anything before your home race.”

 “Nonsense. Plus it’s better than you having to walk all the way on crutches.” Daniel said with a smile that was hard to say no to you. You reluctantly agreed and handed your crutches to Oscar before climbing on Daniel’s back. 

“C’mon, I’ll get you to the Ferrari garage.” Daniel said. Oscar followed you two and the three of you started conversing on your expectations for the upcoming race. You did admit to Daniel that the piggyback was much better than walking. Without the crutches, your hands were free to wave to fans as you passed and that helped improve your mood. 

“Oh, (Y/N). My gran made these for the McLaren team and I grabbed you one as a get well soon gift.” Oscar said, handing you a nicely wrapped pastry. 

 “Aww, thanks Osc.” You said. You unwrapped the pastry and took a bite. It was delicious and you smiled. 

 “Oh my god. Oscar, can your gran send these to me every time I get injured? I can already feel my hip healing.” You said. Oscar chuckled.

“I’ll let her know you liked them. But promise me you won’t get injured just for the sake of my gran’s baking.” Oscar said.

 “I promise.” You told him. 

~~~

“What if I don't recover from this?” 

It was late at night. You and other drivers were at a club celebrating Carlos’s win, but you had to step out to get some air.

 “You will. And after you've recovered, you'll win the next race you're in. It's a basic guarantee now with Carlos’s win.” Lando said, who had decided to join you outside to make sure you were ok. 

“I won’t be in another race for a long while. Either Charle’s appendix needs to burst or Kevin needs to get more penalty points for me to be in another race this season.” You said. 

 “Well with the way Magnussen drives, I think you’ll actually have a shot again this season.” Lando said. The two of you let out small laughs, knowing that statement was sort of true.

 “I have to be fully healed before they let me get back into the car.” You said, your smile slowly dropping. “With how everything keeps hurting, especially after physical therapy, I can’t help but feel like that’s not a possibility.” 

“Hey, look at me.” Lando moved your head so you could look him in the eyes. 

 “I know my words can’t automatically heal you, but I need you to know that this pain will eventually pass. You’ll heal, and you’ll get back in that car.” He said. He placed his arm around you and pulled you close to his side without trying to aggravate your injury.

 “And when you do get back in that car, you’ll win that race. Proving that nothing can stop you.”

The smile returned to your face and you pulled Lando in for a hug.

 “I can feel myself getting better already.”

[rileyglas]

The List ~Pt. 3 - Chance~

Alastor (Hazbin Hotel) x Reader

Summary: As you adjust to life in the hotel, you start to form bonds with other guests and offer your help when needed. However, things take a turn when you faint and wake up in the room of the one person you hoped to avoid.

Themes: The usual angst, mystery (Alastor), sassiness, Val is mentioned, Angel gets hurt (sorry), cursing, fluff, eventual smut (the next part is a SPICY one sinners), actual plot, slow burn, and of course 18+, this is the last shorter chapter, I'll start feeding you more!

1.7k Words

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 (You're on it!) Part 4 Part 5  Part 6 Part 7 Part 7.A Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12

**sentences in italics are internal thoughts of the reader

Over the next few weeks you seem to adjust well to the hotel. You try to help Nifty with at least one meal a day, give advice to Charlie on different ‘redemption exercises’, and have even helped an eggboy or two not get scrambled. Alastor seemed to keep his distance which was much appreciated (especially after hearing the stories and history of the “Radio Demon”). You do what you can to fill the void you feel from not being able to help to your full potential. Of course, there really hasn’t been a need for your expertise. But as they say, ask and you shall receive.

Angel was coming in from yet another brutal shift with Val. He was usually quick to dismiss the bruising around his wrists and face. “Comes with the job babe!” He’d say through a toothy smile. “I didn’t do a good job if I don’t come home with some battle scars!” You’d share a look with Husk, silently agreeing how fucked up this was, but Angel always changed the subject to avoid any pity or awkwardness.

This time was different. It was later than usual. Everyone but you and Husk had long since made their way to bed. Angel walked in staggering and not in the ‘oh he was out with Cherri’ way. He was barely able to make it to the couch before collapsing to his hands and knees. His breathing shallow and raspy – you could hear the blood gurgling in his lungs as he struggled with each breath. This was the worst Val had done yet. That motherfucker is going to kill him one day if he keeps this up – Overlord or not, he’s going to pay. You take a mental note to make a visit to Val, but right now, Angel needed help.

Carefully you try to lift him onto the couch. Angel hisses from the sudden movement. Damnit this is bad. I need a few seconds without any eyes around. “Husk, be a dear and run up to my room please. I have some medical supplies by my bed.”

“No need, I have some stuff behind the ba----” he stops when he sees the glare you’re shooting over your shoulder. “Ah alright fine, I’ll be right back.” he grumbled as he made his way up the stairs. That was the great thing about Husk - he wasn’t one to ask too many questions.

Finally alone you lay Angel back on the couch. “Hey Angel? Babe? I need you to look at me. I know it hurts and it’s hard to breathe but I have a trick that’ll help relieve some of the pressure. Trust me?” He places one of his hands on your shoulder as confirmation, unable to get enough air to speak. Time to work my magic.

Kneeling by the couch, you gently place your hands on his ribs and stomach while leaning your head over his chest, “Alright babe I need you to take a deep breath and close your eyes. This won’t feel great.” You wince as the words leave your mouth. For this to work you’d have to cause him some discomfort otherwise some more complication questions might arise. R̷̢͙̃ǘ̷̮͔͠l̵̰̝̆ḛ̷̀͊ ̵͕̍#̵̜̌2̷̼́̅ Never tell a soul what (or how much) power you have.

“Ok eyes closed and breathe in 3……2…..1….” I’m sorry Angel, you deserve so much better than this.  In one motion you shove into his ribs sending him writhing in pain while you place a soft kiss on his chest. The internal injuries made it easy to hide the pink glow that usually came from the wound, however the pain…yeah that shit still felt like torture. During your time training with Carmilla you learned the graver the injury, the more agonizing it was for you. After a few intense moments of pain, you pull away and sit back on your legs, trying to hide the lingering sting you felt in your lungs.

Angel groaned as he opened his eyes, finally able to take a proper breath. “Uhhhgg—what the fuuuuuuuuuuck was that?”

“Just some tricks I had to learn living in the city. You know how rough it gets out there. Glad you’re already feeling better.” You peck Angel’s cheek, feeling a soft twinge on your lips. The last bit of bruising on his face fades without him even realizing it. “Thanks toots. I don’t know how you did it, but I owe ya one.”

On queue Husk turns down the stairs with your medical kit. His face twists in a mix of relief and shock watching Angel up moving as if he wasn’t just on the verge of death five minutes earlier. He chuckles making his way back behind the bar. “Damn you’ve got quite the touch I see.” You tense at his choice of words. Fuck fuck fuck…calm down, he didn’t see anything. “Remind me to keep you on speed dial. Satan knows this one is bound to need you around again!” Husk points to Angel who by now has taken his usual place at the bar. “Oh shut up pussycat – the only thing I need right now is a few shots to forget this day ever happened! Let’s go! Booze me up Mr. Bartender!”

Deciding you have had enough excitement for the night, you say good evening to the guys and drag yourself through the quiet halls. Cursing the aftershock your body was going to endure after having to heal such extensive damage. It wasn’t horrible, more annoying like a bad hangover or flu, but the joy and warmth you felt from being able to help always made the pain more than worth it. You were just a few doors away from your room when your vision blurred. Why is the hall spinning? I don’t remember drinking. Oh fuck ----

Soft music fills your ears as you regain some form of consciousness. A familiar smell floods your senses causing your eyes to shoot open. Looking around you realize you’re in Alastor’s room. Not that you’d been here before, but between the bayou to your left and the freshly laundered red suits hanging by the door - it was obvious. Plus, his smell filled the room. You’d only dreamt of that smell and his warmth at least twice a week since first meeting the demon, much to your frustration.

Sharp static and ringing fill your ears as you sit up. Is this going to happen every time with this guy? Alastor appears in his chair by the bayou, chest puffed out and legs crossed. “Finally awake I see. I was just leaving my radio tower for the evening when you were coming down the hall. Quite a spectacle watching you try to walk straight. Drink too much with our good pal Husker?”

There he goes again trying to drill his eyes into your soul. You’ve seen him interact with the others. His eyes never had the same intensity as they did with you. Lie lie lie. “Yeah, you know how hard him and Angel go some nights. Guess I shouldn’t try to keep up next time.” You try to laugh it off hoping the answer was sufficient enough for him to drop the subject.

It wasn’t.

“Hmmm that’s funny. I didn’t smell a bit of alcohol when I picked you up off that floor.” Shit. “I don’t expect you to tell me everything dear however blatantly lying to me will get you on a side you don’t want to be on.” The static in his voice was piercing. You stared at him in silence. Work brain work, please give me anything. Rule #4 Never let your w̸͉̐e̵͓͐a̷̘͆k̴̭̏ñ̶͔e̶̢͒s̵̩̉ś̵͈è̸̮š̶͚ ̴̣̏s̴̖̈́h̷̲͐o̶̳͗w̷̱̾. Your lack of response apparently told him everything he needed in the moment. Standing up now, he begins to mindfully take off his jacket, unbutton his vest, and push up his sleeves.

This is it. This I how I die. And all because ---- oh fucking hell --- how did he get even more attractive? Is he doing this on purpose? Wow I’ve really got to get my priorities straight.

You can feel your heart pounding into your throat in anticipation as he sits in front of you on the bed. He slowly removes his gloves and tosses them to the side table.

“Let’s try this again…“

He reaches for your hands making you jerk slightly but he doesn’t notice or doesn’t care. You feel him pull you and as if under a spell, you follow mindlessly until you’re resting on your knees. He brings your inner wrist to his lips, gently peppering kisses between his words.

“What could possibly... “ kiss

“cause someone to drop as if… “ kiss

“the very life was sucked out of them?” kiss

An unfamiliar heat rips through your body, settling in your stomach and a little lower if you were being honest. You’ve never allowed anyone to be this intimate with you. Rule #3 N̴e̵v̴e̶r̵ ̷b̶r̷i̶n̸g̷ ̷a̸n̵y̷one too close.

“I – I – don’t..I didn’t – just tired.“ you give up on trying to form a coherent answer. What is he trying to get out of this? Alastor rests your hands on his cheeks. A deep sigh leaving his lips when he feels your warmth. You didn’t dare move, realizing you were just as touch starved as the demon in front of you.

Your mind is at full blown war. Torn between the desire to lean into this precarious high and absolute rage that he was trying to get into your head.

“I need to know so I can help you, my dear. I want to protect you.” His voice was clear but low. It lacked any trace of his usual radio effect. It’s as if he was dropping every façade. Speaking to you not as the Radio Demon but as just Alastor. “You and I could do great things [Y/N]. Trust me. Let me show you.”

What is he doing? I have worked relentlessly to be one of the strongest, most elusive demons in Hell. I fear no one. I need NO ONE. Yet here I am completely unravelling…

….to the Radio Demon.

Rule #̴̤͌1̴̢͝ ̶̘̽N̵̹̐e̴̯̋v̷̳̈́e̸̯̎r̵̠̕ ̸͈̊t̵̼͑ŗ̷̃u̴͔̓s̷̢̑t̴̪̓ ̵͎̊a̴̺͛n̶̛̳o̴̺͆t̴̤̿h̶̗̿e̴̞̋ȓ̸͜ Overlord.

[fallstaticexit]

After the inevitable conflict between Lyric and Myrah mom ends their family dinner, Mel visits his old stomping grounds. The only good thing to come out of his parent's divorce as a child was moving to San Sequoia and meeting his friends and future wife. He really can't imagine his life without his tribe.

prev / next

Bonus: NOOOOO absolutely not

Loren: Hello?

Mel: Hey, Loren.

Loren: Hey.

Mel: Guess where I am.

Loren: Beats me. Where are you?

Mel: We used to loiter at the old pier when we were kids—me, you, and Aiden. Our rounds of tic-tac-toe and hangman are still etched into the old, rotten wood. Aiden didn’t know how to spell Mila Kunis and spelled it Mila Kunes, so we were playing for like an hour trying to figure out what the hell the word was. [chuckles] Remember?

Loren: Yeah. I remember, Mel.

Mel: Yeah...

Mel: Listen... I wanted to call because we haven’t talked about what happened.

Loren: I really don’t know what to say.

Mel: No, I know. I just- I wanted you and Maeve to know how sorry we are about all of this. You know we raised Selene better than that, and it really surprised and disappointed us.

Loren: We were disappointed too.

Loren: As a parent, you prepare for the big heartbreak, but I never imagined it would hurt like this. We’re having to rebuild our daughter from the ground up. It’s devastating. She didn’t deserve that.

Mel: I know. I feel so awful...

Loren: [sighs] You didn’t do anything, Mel. Selene is an adult, and she made a choice. A fucked-up one, but a choice nonetheless, and now we process and we move on.

Mel: Selene’s dropping from the tour.

Loren: Zoey would hate that. Despite everything, she would still want Selene to compete. At least to kick her ass, anyway.

Mel: Zoey’s an amazing young woman. You and Maeve did a great job.

Loren: Selene’s a good kid, too. A dumbass, but good. I don’t hate her. I love her like she’s my own. I just need her to work through her shit.

Mel: And are we still cool?

Loren: Yesss, Starboy. We’re cool. But if your daughter comes within 10 feet of mine, I’m going to kick her and your ass—at least for now.

Mel: Understood.

Loren: I love you, Mel. You and Nina are our family, always, ok? Anyway, I’m going to turn in for the night. Talk to you later-

Mel: Wait, there’s one more thing! My mom married a man half her age and didn’t tell anyone.

Loren: Fucking Myrah! [laughs]

Mel: Ok, there’s another. Olive is doing the same thing, except it’s a rich milf or something?

Loren: How many times do I have to tell you and Aiden, they’re not Milfs when they’re our age.

Mel: [chuckles] Night Loren.

Nina: Hey, you. Ready to head back to the hotel?

Mel: Yeah, but sit with me first. I just got off the phone with Loren. We were talking about Selene.

Nina: How’d that go?

Mel: We’re good. Just wish our kids were. I feel like the twins don’t think they can come and talk to us anymore.

Nina: Or maybe they’re in their 20s and they think they have it all figured out. Sounds familiar?

Mel: Is it really the same thing over and over?

Nina: But this time, we’re going to make sure we’re listening. If there’s anything I learned about your mother and Lyric, it’s that our children will always want to be heard. We should give them that when they’re ready to speak.

Mel: You always know what to say.

Nina: I learned by loving you.

Mel: Off subject but...remember that thing I said I always wanted to do?

Nina: Mel. It’s like...11pm at night.

Mel: Come onnn, nobody’s around. It’ll be quick.

Nina: Once you get started, you never want to stop.

Mel: We’ll use a safe word. The moment you want to stop, we’ll stop.

Nina: Just be gentle. We’re not in our 20s anymore.

Mel: We’ll go nice and slow.

Mel: [panting] See? That wasn’t so bad.

Nina: [breathlessly] Easy... for you to say...what happened to nice and slow?

Mel: Want to go again?

Nina: ...yeah, but hurry before someone calls the police. [laughs]

Mel: Hold on tight.

Nina: [squeals] Wait! I’m slipping!!

Mel: I said hold on! I’m gonna do a big spin.

Nina: OK! OK! Go!

[luv4soobinie]

MDNI 18+ BLOG -> ageless blogs and minors WILL BE BLOCKED

pairing ✭ jiwoong x afab!reader

synopsis ✭ jiwoong is tired after his busy schedule, but at least he has a warm bed to come home to.

genre/rating ✭ smut 18+ MDNI (warnings below the cut)

word count ✭ 0.7k

notes ✭ i originally wrote this for heesung, but it got like 200 notes and they were all likes and that really got on my nerves 😭 so please reblog or comment 🫠 it really means a lot

warnings ✭ smut, consensual somnophilia, unprotected sex, orgasm (m)

✭ ✭ ✭

If Jiwoong was being completely honest with himself, his job was incredibly exhausting. Countless hours of being on his feet going back and forth from schedule to schedule could be a lot to handle sometimes. And it used to be the case where he would return to his dorm and drown himself in mindless activities to wind down. Never anything of substance and always just for the sake of mind-numbing entertainment. 

But after you’d started dating, you often offered for him to come over to your place when he was done with his schedules. You knew it would be a healthier way for him to unwind. It was only 2 months after you’d started sleeping together that you’d given him a house key.

And you’d told him as you gave him the key that he was free to slip into your bed whenever he wanted. 

He’d smiled, “Ok baby,” and he pecked you on the lips.

You shook your head. He didn’t get it. “No…I mean…” you ran a hand down his chest, “You can do whatever you want with me…even if I’m already asleep.”

His eyes had widened, “Fucking hell…” he groaned, “Are you sure?”

You reassured him multiple times over the course of a couple weeks, too. He’d brought it up a couple more times for clarification and specifics. And every time you’d reassure him that you trusted him and remind him that you wanted this too. 

And tonight he was feeling the mental fatigue extra hard. His feet hurt and his brain just wanted to shut off completely. When he quietly slipped into your bedroom he was greeted by the wonderful sight of you curled up in your bed in just a pair of underwear and a loose fitting tank top that did very little to actually cover any of your chest.

He changed quickly before slipping into bed behind you, watching as your shoulders rose and fell with your even breaths. The lace top you wore was loose around your waist, so he easily slid a hand under it and caressed the skin. And was perfectly content with this. Just running his fingers over your skin. Watching as goosebumps formed at his touch. 

But when you leaned back into him, grinding your ass into him, he froze. Sure you had given him explicit permission, but it just felt so…wrong. But that honestly just made him harder, and just the sight of you so helpless and unaware was enough for him to forget about all of his hesitations.

When he pulled your panties aside, you were already so fucking wet. He smirked, running his fingers through your folds, “Baby had some fun without me,” he whispered.

His patience was barely holding on, though. He slipped his cock into you. Slowly sliding himself in until he bottomed out. His thrusts were so so slow. Pushing himself in carefully and pulling out so he could drag his cock along your walls. 

You were still fully asleep, letting out little hums and moans. He couldn’t help but wonder if you were dreaming of him. Dreaming of his cock deep in your pussy and his mouth covering your chest in marks. 

He wondered if he could make you cum like this. Make you cum in your sleep. But that didn’t really matter at this point. Because he was getting closer and closer with every movement he made. He buried his face in your neck, deeply inhaling and groaning at how good you smelt. 

“Shit–” he groaned lowly into your neck. He pushed himself fully into you one more time before he came. Making sure that he filled you up completely. When he finally finished cumming, he didn’t pull out. Instead, he stayed inside you. Feeling your pulsing pussy around his incredibly sensitive cock. 

You started to shift and your eyelids started fluttering, so he ran a hand over your hair and coaxed you back to sleep. “Shh…shh baby. I’ll take care of you,” he was never getting over this, “Go back to sleep.”

[tanniefm]

como te quiero yo | jjk (m)

translation: how i love you

summary - there’s never a moment where jungkook doesn’t want you, even if you’re not physically there to help him.

pairing - idol!jungkook x latina!reader

genre - established relationship, smut, fluff

word count - 1k

song inspo - como te quiero yo by kali uchis

warnings - phone sex, masturbation (both m and f), spanish pet names <3, subby koo (y’all know i can’t resist), dom reader, mommy kink, sickly sweet lovey dovey shit

translations! cariño - darling, principe - prince, pobrecito - poor thing, buen trabajo cariño - good job darling, te quiero mas, mi vida - i love you more, my life

a/n - jk would def bust quick if you talked to him in spanish idk 🤷🏽‍♀️ also lmk if u guys want more race-specific reader content i’ll def supply!

♪°•°∞°��°♪°•°∞°•°♪°•°∞°•°♪°•°∞°•°♪♪°•°∞°•°♪°•

It’s 1:30 am in New York. The moon shines through the sheer curtains in Jungkook’s high-rise hotel, casting a glow on the white sheets he’s currently snuggled in. He tried to go to sleep, he really did. But he can’t seem to stop his mind from wandering to thoughts of you. What time is it where you’re at? Have you eaten? Would it be ok to call you right now? He tongues at his newest lip piercing as he contemplates if he should text you or not. Luckily for him, you beat him to it.

my love 💞: babyyyyyy u up? i miss u :(

He giggles giddily and immediately hits the call button. You pick up after the first ring. “Hi angel,” he says quietly. He feels like a little kid talking to his crush. “Hi handsome, I saw your show earlier. You did so well!” you reply. You two go on for a while, relaying your days and catching each other up on anything new going on in your lives. As you listen to him talk sleepily to you on the phone, you can’t help but clench your thighs together. His voice gets so low and gravelly, and it makes you throb thinking of that voice in your ear as he’s fucking his fat length into you. It hasn’t been insanely long since you two have done anything. He’s been in New York for only a week now and he made sure to fuck you numb before he left. But still, you’re so used to going at it all the time that it almost feels like torture not to have him here with you. As you listen to him talk, you slowly slide your hand down your body, teasing the hem of your panties. You reply to him in hums to at least keep him thinking you’re somewhat paying attention. You gasp softy as you start to circle your clit, which causes Jungkook to pause and raise a brow, but he doesn’t think much of it after you tell him to keep talking. The faster your fingers move on your clit however, the louder your noises get. Jungkook stops talking completely to make sure he’s hearing correctly.

“W-What are you doing,” he laughs nervously. He feels his boxers get tighter the more he hears you moan and pant into the phone. “Mmm what does it sound like I’m doing cariño?” Jungkook physically twitches. He loves when you speak Spanish to him, not only does he find it beautiful, he finds it so fucking sexy. He whimpers and quickly takes off his underwear. His long cock slaps his abdomen and he hisses at the cold air that hits his sticky tip. Only you could make him drip with precum this fast. He spits into his palm and wraps his hand around himself, setting a quick pace. He felt this need rushing over him the second he heard your pretty sounds. You hear how fast he’s going on your end, the wet smacking of his hand going up and down his length making you smile. He’s such a needy boy.

“Aht aht, slow down baby. I don’t want you cumming yet,” you giggle. “But I don’t wannaaa,” he whines. He already feels the stirring in his stomach, he could cum in the next minute or so if he really tried to. 

“That wasn’t a question. Do as I say or else you won’t cum at all tonight,” you say sternly. He whimpers and slows down, just as you said. “M sorry mommy, it just feels s-ohh-o good,” his sentence was interrupted by his hand squeezing his tip gently. Fuck, he wants to cum so bad. 

“I know principe, just keep moving nice and slow for me. That’s it…my good boy,” you sigh breathily. You get on your knees and rock your hips back and forth on your fingers, imagining they were his. You slowly keep talking him through it, describing everything you wanna do to him when he gets home. His eyes shut as he visualizes your every word. He imagines you’re on top of him, bouncing up and down slowly while you stare deep into his teary doe eyes. He imagines you wrapping your hand around his neck as you sloppily twirl your tongue around his. His toes curl at the thought of your fingers sliding into his mouth as you gradually move faster, choking on them as your ass slams against his thighs. 

“There we go babyboy, go faster for mommy,” his face scrunches in pleasure as he feels himself get closer and closer. Precum and spit make the glide of his hand effortless. “Mommy, m gonna cum! Please please can I cum? Please,” Jungkook begs. His hips buck as he fucks into his fist. You can’t do anything but smile and moan along with him as you match the pace of his hand on your clit. 

“Pobrecito, you wanna cum sweet boy? Make a mess all over yourself?” He nods feverishly but soon answers verbally too, as he realizes dumbly that you can’t see him. He isn’t exactly thinking clearly at the moment. “I’m close too, principe. Cum with mommy,” you whine. You count down from 5, wanting to time your orgasms perfectly. Jungkook tries all his might to keep from busting his load. The second you reach one his body locks up and he lets out a loud gasp. Thick, white ropes shoot from his swollen tip onto his abs and hand, the rest dripping down his balls. His head feels light and fuzzy, but he can still hear your pretty voice mumbling and cursing in Spanish through your climax. Soon all you both hear is each other’s heavy breathing through the speaker. 

“Buen trabajo cariño, I’m so proud of you,” you say warmly. He blushes and thanks you shyly. “I’m serious Kookie. You’ve been working so hard lately. I’m so so so proud of you. I really can’t wait for you to come home so I can smother you with kisses,” you sigh dreamily. Being with someone like Jungkook was difficult at times, but you wouldn’t trade it for the world. 

“Thank you, angel. I’m coming home as soon as I can, I promise,” he says with determination. You laugh softly at his words, causing him to smile. God, he’s so in love with you. 

“Goodnight ____, I love you so much,” he says sweetly. “Te quiero mas, mi vida. I’ll be waiting for you.”

[mysterious-moonstruck-musings]

Destiny & Deliverance: Chapter 27

Destiny & Deliverance Masterlist ||| Main Masterlist Dieter Bravo X OFC

Series Summary: Natalia Cohen is experiencing major life changes, beginning with leaving an emotionally abusive husband. She is learning how to navigate life on her own while dealing with high functioning anxiety, depression, and mild PTSD. Everything is looking up for her. She is a highly respected consultant for a major LA firm, has her best friend, Lauren, by her side, and is on her path to healing. Everything changes when she meets a handsome and broken stranger on a work trip. He turns out to be a well-known actor, with a heart-breaking past. They quickly develop a connection that will forever alter their lives. 

Warnings: Themes dealing with mental health, emotional trauma, alcohol use, and discussions about suicide. There will be fluff, tears, spicy language, and smut. This will be a slow burn type of story. Read at your own risk.

Chapter Warnings: Discussions about intimate partner violence, suicidal ideation, mental health struggles, drug abuse, and alcohol abuse.

Chapter Quote: "I got to snuggle some baby goats."

It took everything in me to hold back the sob that threatened to escape the instant I heard Dieter’s voice. I momentarily placed my hand over my mouth to hold it in and compose myself. I let out a shaky breath as I tried to find my voice. 

“Dieter?” 

I could hear his stuttered breathing on the other end of the line. He sounded like he was battling with his emotions too. 

He cleared his throat, “Yeah… it’s me.”

I sighed loudly into the phone as the tears started to slide down my face. I felt like my brain had completely shut down on me, unsure of what to say but also feeling the urge to say everything all at once. It was so overwhelming but also awkward since we had not talked in so long. There were still so many things up in the air between us. 

“How’ve you been?” He asked, sounding unsure of himself. I felt like he didn’t know what to say either. 

I sniffed loudly as I wiped at my face, “Umm, I’ve been ok. How are you feeling?” 

“I’m feeling good. Normal, I think…then again…I’m not sure I really know what normal is,” we both laughed nervously.

“I’m feeling better than I have in a long time. I can confidently say that at least,” he added. 

I smiled. It was nice to know that he was feeling better. It helped dampen some of the worry I had been feeling. 

“How are things going, otherwise?”

“Well, I got to snuggle some baby goats during group therapy this morning. I kinda want one now.”  He sounded unabashed about this revelation. 

“Of course you do,” I said in response, shaking my head and chuckling at the thought. 

“I gotta new roommate two weeks ago…Gordon is his name. He’s an interesting guy…he uhhh…” he stifled a laugh before continuing. “He said he came here because the wall outlets were talking to him. Like, full conversations. They finally stopped after he got his meds sorted out. Made me feel a little better about my issues.”

I was a little dumbfounded, “Ummm, I’m not sure if I should laugh about that or not…” Dieter snickered, “He jokes about it now, so I think it’s ok.” 

It felt good to hear him laughing again. I had missed that sound more than I realized. I really missed his voice in general. He sounded different. Better, lighter almost. It was a sound I wanted to commit to memory. 

“Umm…so Gabby said you didn’t take that job offer?” His nervousness had returned with that question. 

“No, I turned it down.” I started rubbing at my shoulder with my free hand as I moved to sit down at the kitchen table. 

“Why? It sounded like an amazing opportunity”

I sighed, now rubbing at the crease between my brows, “It was, but it’s not where I wanted to be or what I wanted to do. I would’ve had to give up too much and I don’t feel like I’m in the right headspace to do that.”

“I hope it wasn’t because of me…”

“No. I mean, I guess I can’t say no. You’re part of it…but my life is here. I can’t leave Lauren or even Gabby and Alex at this point. We’ve all gotten so close. And like I said, I’m not in the right headspace for that. I would’ve been spending a lotta time alone and I don’t wanna do that right now. It just wasn’t where I felt like I should be. I didn’t feel any kind of excitement over it at all, so I turned it down”

I suddenly felt vulnerable revealing that to him, questioning if I should have. I didn’t want him to worry about me when he needed to be focusing on himself. 

“Are you sure you’re doing ok?” He asked quietly. 

“Yeah, I’m fine. You don’t have to worry about me, I promise. I’m just…I-” I huffed, shaking my head. I wasn’t sure if it was ok to finish that thought. I didn’t want to make any assumptions about how he was feeling or make an ass of myself. 

I heard him chuckle quietly over my flustered response, “I miss you too.” 

I was instantly calmed by his words, my anxiety about where we stood easing some. I let out a shy laugh at his declaration, tears still running down my face as I sniffled out, “You do?”

“Of course, I do, so fucking much… I - I’m sorry I haven't called you. I wanted to make sure I had a clear head when I did, and then I didn’t really know what to say after everything that happened.”

I heard him inhale sharply before he spoke up again, there was a tapping noise, like he was drumming his fingers against something.

“Listen, I’ve only got a few minutes left before they cut me off for today, but the reason I called…” 

He paused, clearing his throat nervously, “Umm, so I wanted to see if you would be willing to come here and do a session with my psychiatrist and me…”

“Of course, when?”

“Whenever you can. Just uhh, call my case worker and she’ll get it scheduled.” 

I could hear him shuffle around before he started cursing under his breath. 

“Well, I was gonna give you the number but now I can’t find it...Gabby should have it.” 

I couldn’t help but to snigger at him. He was still a little bit of a hot mess, which I loved about him. 

He followed up with an exasperated “sorry” about not being able to find the number before he let out a quiet laugh at himself. It felt like part of it was his nervousness too. 

“I’ll text her to get it as soon as we hang up and I’ll call immediately.” 

I could hear him sigh in relief before a beeping noise broke into our conversation with an automated message giving a one minute warning. 

“I’ll be there tomorrow if they’ll let me…or at least as soon as they’ll let me,” I said in a rush. Suddenly feeling the pressure of our limited time. I still felt like I had so many things to say to him. 

“I would like that. I…I really can’t wait to see you…” 

His words trailed off, shaking slightly as he was hit with another wave of emotions. 

“I can’t wait to see you either,” I replied with a quivering voice. 

After a moment of silence, there was a clicking sound as the line disconnected. I held the phone against my forehead, trying to get my breathing back to normal. Once I was able to focus my thoughts, I sent a quick text to Gabby to let her know that Dieter had called and that I needed the number for his case worker. I half expected her to call me, but thankfully she didn’t. She replied back quickly with the number and that she was happy he finally reached out. She followed that message up with another asking me if I was ok and if I needed to talk about it. I appreciated her offer, but I was good for now and let her know as much. Once I finished texting with Gabby, I dialed the number for the case worker, suddenly feeling nervousness forming in the pit of my stomach. 

“Sanctuary Hills, this is Sharon,” the polite, yet comforting voice answered.

“Hi Sharon, this is Natalia Cohen…” She cut in before I could continue. 

“Oh, Talia, hi. I’ve been expecting your call. Dieter told me he was going to be calling you.” 

I let out a nervous laugh, slightly taken aback by the familiarity in which she said my name. It made me wonder how much he had talked about me. 

“I assume you’re calling about an appointment for a family session?” 

I didn’t know why, but it stirred something in me when she called it a family session. Technically, I wasn’t his family, but they were treating me as if I were. I could feel the tears prickling at my eyes again as I exhaled out a breathy “yes” in response.

“That’s wonderful news, I know he’ll be overjoyed to see you.” I could hear the smile in her voice

“I can’t wait to see him either,” I replied, still trying to keep the emotions out of my words.

“Alright, let me have a look at the schedule. Dr. Rosenberg did ask that you be prepared to be available for at least a week for additional sessions, if possible.” 

“Additional sessions?” I was confused. I couldn’t recall if the same thing had been asked of Gabby, which caused my anxiety to flare.  

“Don’t worry, it’s perfectly normal for that to happen. It’s mostly educational sessions for family members if they’re willing to participate.”

“Oh, ok. That doesn’t sound so bad.” I laughed nervously. 

“When would you like to come in?” she asked with a calming tone.

“As soon as you can get me in is preferable.” I started tapping on the table as I waited for options, listening to the clicking of a keyboard on her end. 

“How about 10 AM the day after tomorrow?” 

“I’ll take it,” I said a little too eagerly. The anticipation of seeing Dieter again was starting to get to me. 

“I have it scheduled. In case you do end up staying for additional sessions, we have apartments on site for patient families. So, you won’t have to worry about lodging. We don’t want you stressing about that while you’re here.”

“Oh, that’s…nice. Thanks for letting me know.”

“When you arrive for your session, come in the north entrance with the blue awning and they'll get you checked in. It’s a different entrance than where you would have come in before.”  

I thanked her and our conversation ended soon after that. Afterwards, I sat staring out the kitchen window, feeling the anxiousness settle into my gut. Not knowing what to expect was always the worst for me. It was like that call had started a countdown, to what, I wasn’t sure. I could only hope the end result would be something positive. 

The morning of our session, I had a ridiculously early flight so that I could be there in time. I decided to keep things simple with minimal makeup, a messy bun, sunglasses, sneakers, skinny jeans, and one of Dieter’s button up dress shirts with the sleeves rolled up. I had raided his closet while I was at his house cleaning up. It was something small, but being wrapped in his scent or wearing something that belonged to him brought me some comfort during my time without him. His clothing quickly became a staple in my casual attire. 

I was so anxious about seeing Dieter again that the flight didn’t faze me like it normally would have. Though it was an hour and a half, it seemed much quicker as the minutes continued to count down and the distance between us shortened. I could feel myself getting more worked up the closer I got. By the time I acquired the rental car and was on the road to the facility, my chest was heavy. Breathing was getting harder with each mile that passed. 

When I pulled into the parking lot, I could feel my heart pounding in my ears. I sat gripping the steering wheel tightly in both hands and taking deep breaths. I wasn’t even sure why I was so nervous, it’s not like I knew what Dieter was planning to talk to me about. However, deep down I had a fear, though most likely irrational, that he was going to realize he didn’t really want to be with me after this. I wasn’t sure if I could handle that a second time if it were to happen. Without permission, the tears started to streak down my cheeks, and I felt like I was going to be sick. 

After a few more deep breaths, I slammed my fist down on the stop of the steering wheel out of frustration, “Fucking hell, get it together Talia.”  

My head dropped back onto the headrest as I squeezed my eyes shut, still taking deep controlled breaths. After several minutes passed, I let out a slow exhale before opening my eyes. Feeling more relaxed, I did a quick check in the mirror to make sure I didn’t look like a complete mess before exiting the vehicle to go inside. 

I was starting to have an out of body feeling as I went through the check in process. I couldn’t really remember walking to the building or anything the lady behind the desk had just said to me as I sat down in the lobby to wait. After a few minutes, one of the receptionists called my name and led me through a secure door down a long hallway. We passed several offices that had glass inserts in the doors with shades. Most of the shades were pulled closed, however, I noticed one was open. As I approached, I glanced inside and was met with a familiar figure sitting in a high backed desk chair in the middle of the room with his head leaned back and eyes closed as he spun back and forth, his legs bouncing ever so often. He was sitting on the opposite side of a desk from a woman who was possibly in her fifties, with graying hair and a kind face. Though, she did have a slightly overwhelmed look about her as her eyes met mine through the glass. 

I stopped briefly, watching him wave his hands animatedly as he talked incessantly, never raising his head or opening his eyes. I felt a small smirk sneak across my face. He was nervous too. I could tell. My eyes flicked back to the woman, who was watching me watch him with a soft smile on her face. 

My attention was pulled away by the receptionist, who was now at my side waiting for me to continue following her. 

“He’s been driving us all crazy this morning. I think poor Sharon is getting the worst of it. He’s beyond excited that you’re here today.” 

I chuckled at the thought before continuing down the hallway. I was led into a spacious office. It was modern and white with floor to ceiling windows on one side with nothing in sight but nature. All the furnishings were earth tones of brown and deep reds and oranges. I noticed there were a lot of plants filling the space, which added a homey feeling, in a strange sort of way. It also struck me how there were different seating areas on either side of the room. One had a small couch and cushy chair positioned in front of it, while the other had four cushy chairs sitting closely together in a circle. Each of the seats were adorned with soft looking pillows in various shades matching the space. There was a traditional desk setup in the center of the room with two chairs placed in front of it. Each area felt carefully designed to meet specific needs.   

Moments after entering the room, I was greeted by Dr. Rosenberg who first shook my hand, then pulled me in for a loose hug. 

“Talia, it’s nice to finally meet you. I’ve heard so much about you the last couple of months.” 

It took me by surprise, though I felt like it shouldn’t have. There was a certain familiarity and kindness that everyone seemed to have toward me. Everyone had been very warm and welcoming thus far. It was comforting to know this was the type of environment that Dieter had been in. 

I gave her a tight lipped smile as she led me over to sit in one of the four chairs in a circle. To my surprise, the chair spun slightly as I sat in it. Dr. Rosenberg turned hers to face me directly, so I did the same with mine. I had managed to stay composed thus far, but my nervousness was starting to show as I reached up and rubbed at my shoulder. The psychiatrist was silent for a moment as she watched my movements. I stopped, sat up straight and placed both hands on top of my crossed legs to keep from fidgeting. 

I’m not sure why, but I felt the need to appear like I had my shit together. I took a minute to study her as she gave me a soft smile while she continued to get settled, grabbing a notepad, file folder, pen, and glasses from the small table next to her seat. She was probably in her early fifties, maybe late forties. Her long blonde hair was pulled back into a low ponytail, and she was dressed in business casual attire. I could tell she wanted to appear professional, but not uninviting. She was also definitely looking at my body language very closely, which was making me feel antsy. My therapist used to do that, and I hated it. I mentally smacked myself over my thoughts. I was already putting up walls and we hadn’t even started talking yet. 

“Well, it’s been an exciting morning around here. Dieter is definitely happy you’re here. He was asked to leave his group session this morning because he couldn't focus. He’s been bugging poor Sharon ever since.” She laughed and smiled affectionately at her words.

She was trying to get me to relax. I knew that I looked too tense. I let out a breathy laugh as I sat back further in the seat, trying to appear less uptight, but I didn't think it was working. She gave me a sympathetic look suddenly, “You’re nervous to see him.” 

It wasn’t a question. Looking down at my hands, I chuckled to myself briefly before clearing my throat to speak, “Yeah, I guess I am. I just…don’t know what to expect.”

“That’s a perfectly normal feeling. It’s not unusual for family members to worry if their loved one is going to be different after treatment. Is that some of what you’re feeling?”

Her question took me by surprise, “Ummm, maybe. Sort of...maybe not so much about him being different…more about him feeling differently.” 

She nodded, “I understand. I can’t say that he won’t be different. His personality may present differently, more calm, less emotional or moody. He will feel differently in that he won’t be cycling from one extreme to the other, emotionally. As far as how he feels ABOUT things, that isn’t going to change just because he’s stabilized. Does that make sense?” 

I gave a tight nod, “Yeah, it does.” It didn’t do anything to ease my anxiety though because I still didn’t know how he really felt about us. She eyed me for a second before continuing.

“So, I’ll fill you in on my plan for today. First, you and I are going to chat about Dieter’s diagnosis. Once we’re done, I’m going to bring him in for the session. After that, you and I will have a follow-up meeting to discuss the path forward. Does that sound ok to you?”   

“Yeah, that’s fine.” I started to chew on my bottom lip while she flipped through the file in her hand.

“Great. Just so you’re aware, Dieter signed release forms for you to have access to his medical and treatment information. Nothing is off the table, so if you have questions, ask. He made it clear to me that he wants you to know everything and wants you involved as much as you want to be.”

I paused briefly, shocked by that information. I exhaled the breath I didn’t realize I was holding, “Ok...I wasn’t expecting that.” 

She smiled before continuing, “Alright, let’s get to it then?” She raised her brows at me, asking permission to proceed. I motioned with my hand to continue.  

“So, he’s been formally diagnosed with mixed episode Bipolar I Disorder (BD). In simple terms, bipolar disorder is when someone experiences extreme behavioral or mood changes. The extreme highs are called manic episodes, and lows are episodes of depression. Most people with BD go through highs and lows over an extended period of time. Someone with mixed episodes, like Dieter has, tend to experience both highs and lows simultaneously or in a rapid sequence with no recovery time.”

She paused, giving me a minute to digest her words. I couldn’t say I was surprised by the diagnosis, it actually made a lot of his behavior make sense. When I didn’t speak up, she continued. 

“I think what happened with Dieter…he was put on a lot of medication. Antidepressants in particular can be very tricky for someone with BD. It can cause an increased risk of mood destabilization when the antidepressants are not taken with a mood stabilizer. He was on pretty much everything but a mood stabilizer. You add that in with not sleeping, not eating, drinking, anxiety, and episode triggers…it’s a recipe for disaster. Sometimes being improperly medicated like that can trigger suicidal ideation and even psychosis. Honestly, he was fighting a losing battle.”

I leaned forward in my seat, placing my elbows on my knees while I rubbed at my face. I felt anger bubbling in my chest. 

“Why didn’t his therapists or doctors catch what was happening?”

“One reason…lack of experience. BD is also incredibly hard to diagnose because it shares symptoms with so many other more common disorders like anxiety, depression, PTSD, and ADHD, which is what he was being treated for. That’s not to say he doesn’t have those things as well, but if he does, we need to take a different treatment approach.” 

I sighed, shaking my head in disbelief. “Wow, that actually kind of blows my mind.” 

“I know… and I’m surprised that no one thought to look into it, given his family history. It can be hereditary, and BD does have a high suicide rate. Given what happened with his mother, it should’ve been considered. Also, the fact that he experienced trauma in dealing with that incident...trauma often causes the onset of symptoms.” 

I sighed heavily as the tears started to pool in my eyes, “This actually…kind of pisses me off that he had to go through all of this needlessly. He fucking hated taking that stuff because of the way it made him feel.”  

“That brings me to my next topic...It's been hard to get a baseline with him. I feel like a lot of the things he was experiencing were side effects from all the medications he was on. I can’t really rely on his history before he started the medication because he was using recreational and prescription drugs and drinking heavily to self medicate, which could have been making things worse for him during that time as well.” She paused briefly to gauge my reaction, “I assume you knew about his past substance abuse issues?”

“Yeah, he’s mentioned it…What does all that mean?”

“Well, it’s hard to know exactly what his actual symptoms are right now. So, to start, I’m doing the bare minimum. I’ve started him out on a low dose mood stabilizer called divalproex sodium. It’s actually…an anticonvulsant that’s normally used to treat seizures rather than a typical mood stabilizer like lithium.”

I drew my brows down together in confusion, “Why a seizure medication?” 

“That medication increases the amount of a chemical called gamma-aminobutyric acid in the brain. It works to block certain transmissions across the nerves in the brain and creates sort of an overall calming effect. That particular medication often works best for patients that have mixed or rapid cycling episodes. Lithium typically doesn’t get the job done in those instances. He seems to be doing well on it so far. We’ll give it a few more months to make sure everything else is out of his system and reevaluate.”    

“So, he went from taking half the pharmacy…to one thing?” 

“He did. He seems pretty set on limiting the medications as much as possible. He’s been spending a lot of his time doing cognitive behavioral therapy, interpersonal and social rhythm therapy, and psychoeducation to help him manage his symptoms and learn about triggers and that sort of thing. He’s been very invested in it, and it seems to be helping.”

I sighed, starting to feel overwhelmed, “I don’t know what all of that is. I mean, I know cognitive behavioral therapy but…” I shook my head in confusion. 

“No worries, if you decide to continue with the family education sessions you’ll learn about that stuff. I know it’s a lot to take in...”

“Yeah, it is, but I’m happy that he’s hopefully on the right track now.” I took a couple of deep breaths to try and relax some as I continued to process things. 

“One last thing before I bring Dieter in...I know you two were no longer together before his hospitalization and you haven’t really had a chance to work things out. His preference is to stay with you when he leaves treatment. I do want to be able to manage his expectations if that isn’t going to be the case. I don’t want you to feel like you have to allow that if you aren’t ready to take all this on. I want you to know that you can say no.”

I was taken aback at her directness, but also appreciated it. I actually felt like I was warming up to her some and feeling more comfortable with opening up to her. I didn’t hesitate with my response, if anything, I said it with conviction, looking directly into her eyes as I spoke. 

“There’s no question in my mind about him coming home with me so long as he wants to. I’ve known from the start that he was struggling with his mental health, and I promised to support him through it. A new diagnosis doesn’t change anything for me. I’m all in for this.”

Dr. Rosenberg gave me a warm smile, clearly satisfied with my response. “Now I see why he says you can be a force to be reckoned with.”

My eyebrows shot up at her words as she again took me by surprise, “Dieter said that?” I chuckled at the thought as I leaned back in my seat, surprised that was the wording he chose. 

“He’s said a lot of things about you, all positive, of course.” She laughed quietly to herself as she set her glasses on the table. As she stood, she announced she was going to go get him for our joint sessions. 

After Dr. Rosenberg disappeared out the door, I could feel my anxiety returning. My chest was starting to tighten again as my heart beat a mile a minute. Instinctively, my right hand moved to rub at my shoulder. Was he going to be upset about how easily I gave up on us? I didn’t know how he couldn’t be. It didn’t sound like he was planning to end things for good even though that thought kept crossing my mind. It was clearly my pessimism and self-doubt seeping in. The thought of being completely open and vulnerable in this setting was making things worse too. I wasn’t a fan of having an audience, but I needed to get over that and not build up my walls right now. I propped my arm on the rest of the chair and started to rub at my forehead as my leg began to bounce. I couldn’t make myself stop the fidgeting no matter how hard I tried. 

After several minutes passed, Dr. Rosenberg returned with Dieter following behind her. His head was down, clenching and unclenching his hands as he walked. As he approached me, he finally looked my way through his lashes. He gave me a small smile that widened as his eyes dropped down to my shirt, obviously noticing I was wearing one of his. I gave him a shy smile in return. He sat down in the chair directly in front of me as Dr. Rosenberg returned to her earlier spot. 

It was clear he was nervous by the way he couldn’t keep his hands still and how the heel of his croc kept bouncing off the tiled floor. He would only occasionally glance in my direction as we waited for Dr. Rosenberg to get settled again. I took the opportunity to study his appearance. He looked so much better compared to the last time I had seen him. His light gray t-shirt was no longer loose looking around his fit torso. His pale skin had been replaced with a golden tan. His hair was longer and as wild as ever, framing his scruffy and patchy beard. His chocolate brown eyes looked clearer than I had ever seen them and were filled with nervousness and anticipation. 

Once Dr. Rosenberg was ready to start, she filled Dieter in on what she had discussed with me about his diagnosis. She then encouraged him to take the lead going forward and discuss the things he wanted to speak with me about. He rubbed his hands together nervously, briefly chewing on his bottom lip before he met my gaze to speak. 

“So, you’re…ok with that diagnosis?” He asked, raising an eyebrow. I wasn’t sure what he meant and gave him a confused look. “Like, it doesn’t freak you out or anything? I know it’s a lot to deal with.” 

“Dieter, the diagnosis doesn’t change anything. You’re still you. Why would it bother me?”

“I dunno, I’m just afraid that at some point you’re gonna realize how big of a mess I am and run away from it all,” he said sheepishly. 

I chuckled, leaning forward in the seat with a teasing smile, “I realized how big of a mess you were a long time ago.”  He scratched at his chin as a smirk formed on his lips.

“Besides, I’m pretty sure I’ve already seen the worst of it and I’m still here. My feelings for you haven’t changed. You don’t have to worry about that from me.”

His eyes turned glassy at my words as he pinched his brows together, looking downward at his hands in his lap. 

“I don’t deserve you, not after the way I treated you…the things I said. I was such an asshole to you.”

I bit at my bottom lip, shaking my head before speaking, “None of that matters to me. I know you weren’t completely yourself when you said those things.”

“No, I wasn’t but I still knew what I was doing and saying. I apparently tend to self-sabotage things. Some of the things I said, using your past against you, I knew it would hurt you. I wanted the words to hurt so you would let me go. I knew you wouldn’t otherwise.”

“Why though? I don’t understand why you felt the need to end things to begin with. Why was I a burden to you?”

His eyes widened at my question, brows shooting upward as he shook his head from side to side, “No, no you weren’t the burden…I was. I’m sorry I made you think that. I know the night I called, I wasn’t making a lot of sense. I…I hadn’t slept in days, and I was such a fucking mess.”

He licked his bottom lip and chewed at it for a second before continuing, “I could see how you were having to completely change everything about your life to accommodate me and my work just for us to be together. I knew it was eventually gonna be a problem and cause you stress because it was affecting your job. I didn’t wanna ruin your life that way. You shouldn’t have to cater your life to mine, it’s not fair. I love you too much to do that to you.”    

“Dieter, it wasn’t always gonna be like that. It just happened to be shitty circumstances caused by the remote location. If we hadn't been in the middle of nowhere, I could’ve worked without issue. We just weren’t prepared for the challenges that came up. This is a learning experience for both of us. We’ll know better for next time so I can plan accordingly…and it wasn’t like you weren’t making changes to meet me halfway.” 

He couldn’t argue with that. He sighed as he leaned back in his seat, nodding in agreement. 

“I know that now, I wasn’t exactly thinking clearly…obviously. It all made sense at the time.” He rolled his eyes, frustrated with his behavior. He took a deep breath before continuing.

“It was more than that though, I knew I was spiraling out of control. I could fucking feel it happening and didn’t know how to make it stop. I didn’t wanna tell you what was going on because I didn’t want you to worry. I knew you would drop everything and fly back to Canada to be with me.”

“You’re damn right I would’ve… and I should’ve done that anyway.” I could feel my emotions catching up to me, my eyes filling with tears as I looked down away from him. 

“I fucking knew it…in my gut that something was wrong, and I did nothing. If I had just done it…came up there anyway, this probably would’ve gone differently. I could’ve helped you through it, but no…I was a fucking coward. I gave up because I was selfish and wanted to protect myself. I didn’t even try because I was too afraid that I would end up in a dark place again if you didn’t want me to be there with you.”

The tears were streaking down my cheeks by this point. I couldn’t hold them back anymore. I had so much anger for myself that it was making me feel sick. Dieter stood from his seat, closing the few feet between us, then got down on his knees on the floor in front of me. He moved to grab my hands in my lap, but hesitated. I reached up and grabbed his in response.

“I’m sorry I put you in the position to even have to think that. It should’ve never happened. I should’ve been communicating everything with you instead of pushing you away. This whole fucking mess is my fault…I wanted to reach out so many times after that… to try and fix it, but you seemed like you were doing ok so I didn’t want to upset you again.”

The tears were streaming down his face now as he took a minute to try and compose himself. 

“I thought I could move on and just deal with things the way I used to…by numbing the pain. That’s when I started drinking heavily again. Then I saw you at the restaurant, and you looked so fucking amazing…and I was such a dick. I was so angry with myself for that. I couldn’t stop thinking about how I had everything and fucked it up. My behavior after that night was reckless. There are days I can’t even remember because I was drinking so much. I just wanted to not think about it anymore.”

He pulled his hands away, looking down at the floor before wiping at his face. When he raised his head again, the pain in his eyes nearly made my heart stop. I reached out to cup his cheek, but he leaned away, seeming to need space.  

“The night that video of you was posted online…several people sent it to me. I didn’t watch it at first because I didn’t think it would mean anything…but when I finally did…”

He put his hand over his mouth, letting out a quiet sob, before continuing. 

“I could see how bad you were hurting…how bad I hurt you. What I did to you…I hated myself for it because you didn’t deserve that. It also reminded me of what I was missing out on because of how beautiful you sounded and looked…and that fucking song.” 

He paused for a minute, shaking his head. He sniffled and wiped at his face again before continuing.  

“I stayed up all night, watching it on a loop on the tv. I almost called you then, but stopped myself. I drank until I had nothing left instead. Then, when I ran into you the next morning, I could see how fucking broken you were. The way you looked at me…it fucking crushed me. I bought more alcohol and went back to the house. I don’t really remember much after that.”

He shook his head for a moment, pausing to take a few deep breaths, wiping at his face again. 

“I don’t even remember calling you…and…even after everything I did, you still came to me. You could’ve easily told me to fuck off and I would’ve deserved it, but you didn’t. I know I wouldn’t be here right now if you hadn’t. You saved my life…I feel like you’ve been doing that ever since New York. When I say you’re my light in the darkness, I fucking mean it.”

I started sobbing into my hands. I couldn’t hold it back anymore. I felt his fingers wrap around my wrist, pulling my hands around his neck as he moved to hug me. We sat there in an embrace for some time before I started mumbling into his shoulder. 

“I was so afraid you were gonna hate me for giving up on you so easily. I’m sorry I didn’t try harder. Just know that it had nothing to do with you…I clearly still need to work on my own shit.”

He hugged me a little tighter as he buried his fingers in the back of my hair, “That thought never crossed my mind. Don’t even worry about it anymore.”  

He finally pulled back, wiping the tears away from my cheeks with his thumbs as he did so. We gave each other tight smiles as we locked eyes. He turned away, toward Dr. Rosenberg, who I had completely forgotten was in the room, and asked for some tissues. She picked up the box from her small table and handed it to him as he stood. He handed me several and took some for himself before handing the box back to her. She motioned for him to have a seat. As she turned to set the box back on the table, I noticed she was looking a little glassy eyed too. 

We all sat in silence as her eyes shifted between us. Dieter and I glanced at each other, confusion on our faces as we looked back toward her. She chuckled before she spoke.

“I’m not even sure why I’m here. This is literally the first family session ever where I didn’t have to intervene or lead a conversation. You two don’t seem to have any problems communicating, so I’m not sure how you ended up where you were.” 

We both smiled widely at her, surprised and appreciative of her honesty. Dieter spoke up with a chuckle.  

“I think between my fucked up brain and the distance…it didn’t do us any favors. We’re always at our best when we’re physically together, I think. Everything goes to hell when we aren’t. Clearly that is something I need to work on.”

Dr. Rosenberg nodded in agreement, “Well, I hate to separate you two again, but we are running short on time, and I want to have a chat with Talia about the plans going forward. Dieter, I’m pretty sure you have another group session coming up so you better head that way. You think you can focus enough for this one?” 

She raised an eyebrow in his direction as he laughed and nodded. He stood, quickly shuffling over to lean down and give me a hug before exiting the room.  

Dr. Rosenberg wasted no time getting back to business, “Talia, part of his treatment is making sure he has the support he needs when he gets home. That’s why we offer support to caretakers as well, because technically, you will be his caretaker as the only other person in the household with him.”

I knitted my brows together, confused about where this conversation was going. 

“I’m not going to pretend that I don’t know you have a traumatic history because Dieter has mentioned a few things. I don’t know the details, and I get the sense he doesn’t know it all either. I feel like whatever happened with your ex-husband is still affecting you. Is the dark place you mentioned something that you would be willing to talk to me about? Anything you tell me about yourself is confidential, just so you know.”

I sighed heavily as I ran both hands over my face, “So you picked up on that, huh?” I laughed nervously under her gaze. 

“You’re right, I haven’t told him everything. I keep telling myself I’ve moved past it, but after the last few months, I’ve realized that I just locked it away and pretended it didn’t exist. I tend to do that with a lot of things.” She gave me an encouraging smile, clearly picking up on my hesitation as I paused to gather my thoughts. 

“So, the last few years of my marriage, I started drinking heavily after finding no way out of the hell I was living in. The constant mental and psychological abuse was wearing me down, especially after I realized what was happening. When I tried to talk to Justin about a divorce, he would just tell me there was no way out because he wasn’t ready to give me up.” I paused briefly… focusing on something outside through the window. “I uhh, came home early from work one day and found him with another woman that he worked with. He of course said it was my fault, because I wasn’t giving him what he needed in the marriage. I knew what he was doing…and I was determined not to let it go because I felt I had a legitimate reason to end things at that point. I TOLD him I was leaving. I was done asking. When I started packing a bag, he hit me. The first time ever. I mean, he had shoved me around some, but never hit me across the face like that. He told me there was no leaving… that he would just find me and bring me home. Said no one would believe me or help because all of OUR friends knew how I was.”

“Talia, what did saying that out loud just now make you feel?”  

My eyes drifted over to meet hers, “I don’t really feel anything.” 

She arched a brow, “That’s because you're dissociating. I want you to focus on me as you speak and feel what you’re saying.”  

Fuck. She wasn’t going to let me cheat my way through this like my therapist did. I pinched my brows together as my eyes teared up again. I had to face this. I closed my eyes briefly, exhaling slowly. When I opened them and met her gaze, she nodded for me to continue. 

“He wasn’t wrong. I didn’t really have anyone to turn to. He made sure of that. He left after our argument, said he was going out with the guys. I doubt that’s where he went though. As soon as he left, I started drinking. I remember…feeling lost and pretty fucking hopeless after that. I couldn’t believe he hit me, and I was scared it would happen again. I never saw myself as someone who lets their husband abuse them…I felt disgusted over it. I must have drank a lot…because I can’t remember the rest of that night. I - I woke up in the hospital with alcohol poisoning. I guess when he came home, he found me passed out in my own vomit.”

I started tapping on the arm of the chair as the tightness in my chest returned. The tears trickled out again. 

“When Justin finally came to see me, I told him that I was done. If he didn’t let me go, I was gonna find a way out…one way or another and I would make sure everyone knew it was his fault. Given that I had just put myself in the hospital, he took me at my word and agreed on a divorce. I guess he was afraid of what I would do.”

“What did you mean by that?”

I gave a half smile, “I honestly don’t know. I wonder that myself…what I was capable of. If I could’ve done anything.”

“What happened after you both agreed to the divorce?”

“Well, when I was still in the hospital, I reached out to one of my best friends that I grew up with, Lauren. We had kept in touch, even though I actively worked to put up a wall between us so she wouldn’t know what was really going on in my life because I was so embarrassed over it. She didn’t hesitate…she was at the hospital within the hour, and I told her everything. I stayed with her for a few weeks until I got my life sorted out. I don’t think I would have been able to do it without her. Of course, Justin continued to torment me by dragging out the divorce for over a year. It got pretty nasty.”

“What effects do you feel like that experience had on you?” She asked quietly. 

“Experience.” I chuckled. “I didn’t realize twelve years of hell could be considered an experience.” 

She gave me a sympathetic look before I continued, “I mean, I lost myself. I didn’t know who I was. I was who he wanted me to be. After I left him, he was still in my head with everything I did. What I was wearing, how I fixed my hair and makeup, things I said. I couldn’t do some of the simplest things without hearing his voice telling me I was doing something wrong and having a fucking panic attack over it. I couldn’t make decisions…and yes, I would still drink to numb my feelings and calm myself down. Only this time, I knew exactly how much I could drink without taking it too far.”

“Are those things still an issue for you now?”    

I shook my head, “No, I mean, I did all the cognitive behavioral therapy and the sessions. I eventually got to a point where the negative thoughts stopped. I think Dieter had a lot to do with that…he kind of helped me see myself in a different light…but I do still have anxiety sometimes and I think I’ve reverted back to ignoring my feelings… compartmentalizing everything and pretending it’s not there. Throwing myself into work and staying busy to keep my mind occupied. I’ve been doing that instead of drinking the feelings away.” 

Dr. Rosenberg leaned forward, placing her elbow on her knee with a pensive look on her face.   

“Talia…would you be willing to stay for the next three weeks to work through some of this with me? It would be outpatient treatment…a couple hours a day. You can stay in one of our apartments.” 

I sucked in a quick breath. I certainly wasn’t expecting this, but at the same time, I almost felt relieved. My gut told me I needed it and I knew I couldn’t go on the way I had been because I was eventually going to self-destruct if I didn’t take better care of myself. I knew I couldn’t fully be there for Dieter if I was still battling with myself. I sat staring at my hands as I thought through the offer. I could still work remotely, so that wouldn’t be an issue. I raised my head to meet her eyes, “Will Dieter know what I’m doing?”   

“Only if you want him to.”

“I don’t want to saddle him with my shit right now…I don’t wanna mess him up.” 

“Honestly, I think he’s stable at this point. I think he could handle whatever you wanted to share with him. If you wanted, we could even do some more joint sessions, or he can just be there for support if you want him to be. It’s all up to you really.”

“What would you do?” I asked, letting out a stuttered breath with my question. She took a minute to consider her response, biting on the inside of her cheek as she did so.   

“I don’t think it would be bad if you shared everything with him. The more open you are with one another, the better. Communication is going to be a huge factor in keeping your relationship healthy and happy. At least if he knows what’s going on he can support you, just like you support him. Also, if he needs help processing through things, we can help him with that while he’s here…but again, it’s your decision.” 

“Yeah, I mean he knows most of it anyway…Alright, I’ll do it. I’ll stay and I want him involved.”

She gave me a bright smile, “I’m actually really happy to hear that. I think this will allow you to build a solid foundation going forward. I’m excited for your future together. I can tell that you both care deeply for each other and I really want your time here to be successful.” 

I gave her thanks for the opportunity she was giving me. I’ve known for a while that I had things that I needed to work on but didn't really know where to start. The fact that Dieter seemed so at ease with her and was doing so well gave me some comfort and the courage to jump in head first. 

The next three weeks were a whirlwind of educational sessions to help me learn about bipolar disorder; the triggers, coping strategies, and lifestyle changes to minimize stress. I even had an opportunity to learn more about Dieter’s medication and possible interactions and side effects so I would be able to spot them. He had asked that I be involved with his Interpersonal and Social Rhythm therapy, which was designed to help him build a daily routine of healthy habits to manage his moods. Given his job, sometimes a routine was almost impossible for him to keep, but we learned strategies to deal with that when confronted with it. It was all very helpful for the both of us.

I had my sessions too of course. He sometimes set in on them if we were doing something particularly hard that day. His presence helped keep me grounded and got me through a lot. He was taking time to learn about ways to help me cope better and we worked together on effective communication skills. 

Dr. Rosenberg recommended that I start keeping a journal to help me work through my emotions. I was iffy about it at first, but Dieter was also doing it and he loved it. He was very encouraging about it. It was something that I had come to enjoy doing after a few days. We had even taken to having a shared journal between us to better communicate our feelings, which Dr. Rosenberg loved the idea of and encouraged. 

Even though Dieter and I weren’t able to spend a whole lot of time together during those three weeks, I could always feel his presence and support. It’s what kept me going through it all. I don’t think I would have had the strength to do it without him. By the time my last day of treatment came around, he was given the all clear for discharge. It was both nerve wracking and exciting to know that we would be going home…together.

A/N: How excited are we that these two are finally back together? How badly did this chapter hit the feels? Did you cry? If you did, hopefully this will be the last time...unless you are a happy crier. There may be happy tears later. 😉 How are we feeling about Dieter's diagnosis? Does it change how you view some of his past behavior? What about that revelation from Talia? I mean, are we really surprised though; the girl has had a complicated relationship with alcohol throughout the whole story. How do you think things are going to go when they get back home? Do you think they will pick up where they left off or have some growing pains? We will find out in the next chapter. 😁 I am 100% failing at life and did not get the Deconstructing Dieter Bravo post done. I need to do a little fact checking and didn't have the brain power for it. However, once I get that ready, it will be posted HERE. The topic for Deconstructing Dieter Bravo Part 3 will be his diagnosis. I will tag all the usuals in the posts once it is ready. Hopefully you will find it to be educational. 💜 👉 I do want to share some details on upcoming projects that will be released for the holidays. I am participating in the @pedrostories Secret Santa event. I have received my gift prompt, and you may be excited to know that you will be getting a Dieter Bravo one shot from me by Christmas. I already have some ideas swirling around for it and it's not related to any current fics. It should be fun. Be sure to follow the #pedrostoriesgift23 hashtag to check out all the awesome work that will be included for the event. If you would like to be tagged on this one shot, let me know in the comments. 💜 As usual, I have included the chapter mood board below in case you missed it.😘

Next Chapter

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[wangxianficfinder]

In the mood for...

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1. Thank you for answering my last request 🖤

For the next in “ITMF” I would like to read some good fanfics with Lan Wangji being older than Wei Wuxian

I’m okay with omegaverse, fantasy setting and problematic content in case anyone wonders @kanrax-blog

you only ever touch me in the dark by sweetlolixo (E, 5k, WangXian, Modern AU, Dark LWJ, Older LWJ, Age Difference, Boypussy, Intersex WWX, Feminization, Rape/Non-con Elements, Dirty Talking LWJ, Stalking, Size Difference, WWX Has a Non-Con Kink, Dark WWX, Daddy Kink, Mirror Sex, Restraints, Virginity Kink, Blindfolds, Deranged4Deranged Wangxian)

and

4018 by sweetlolixo (E, 28k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, A/B/O Dynamics, Older LWJ, Immortal LWJ, Pregnant WWX, Alpha LWJ, Omega WWX, Age Difference, Boypussy, Vaginal Fingering, Dry Humping, Knotting, Blow Jobs, Dirty Talking LWJ, Angst with a Happy Ending, Size Difference, Feminization) as well as few other works by sweetlolixo. beware tho quite a few of those fics deal with consent issues (although most of the time it is deranged4deranged wangxian)

Like stones on an unseen board by Vir_Abelasan (Not Rated, 11k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Dark LWJ, Older LWJ, Teacher LWJ, dark twin jades, Age Difference, Manipulation, Protective LWJ, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Corporal Punishment, Relatively canon-typical abusive Jiangs, WangXian Get a Happy Ending, Not JC Friendly, Not Jiang Clan Friendly) lwj is mid-20s, wwx is ~18; dark-ish but protective twin jades; not jiang friendly. warning that this one ends pre-relationship!

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2. this is a bit specific but may i ask for fic where someone starts calling wwx 'the son of a-' and gets interrupted by 'the son of who? cssr, bssr's disciple? wcz, a rogue cultivator?' the cinderella fic has a similar line but not exactly (bc its said against wwx's own self deprecation). (honestly, i would also love a cutting response of 'ok he's the son of a servant and still better than all of u, you were saying?' but the gentry probably won't compute that lol) thank you!

SIMILAR! golden when the day met the night by glitteringmoonlight (Not Rated, 95k, WIP, WangXian, Canon, Slow-ish burn, Sugar Daddy LWJ, which is an anachronistic term for this fic but it fits, Light Angst, Fluff, Developing Relationship, WWX gets all the appreciation he deserves, even if he’s a bit confused about it at first, warprize au with a twist, in that everyone thinks WWX is a warprize, but LWJ has only platonic and honourable intentions, at first 😏, Eventual Smut) similar to #2, in the latest chapter of this fic, lwj interrupts someone who's about to call wwx son of a servant

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3. Hello! Do you know any fics with the same vibe as By Any Other Name by ShanaStoryteller? Or any like To Choose Another Path by TsumugiHitomi? Thank you so much!

The Concubine Mo Chronicles Series by Enigmatree (T, 71k, WangXian, Royalty AU, Prince LWJ, Concubine WWX, Mild Hurt/Comfort) maybe ?? or at least i kinda associate them lol

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4. Hi! Do any of you lovelies know of fics in which A) Nie Huaisang is the one to donate his core to Jiang Cheng? I mean, it's not like he's using it, right? And B) fics that feature Jin Zixuan & Mianmian's friendship? That doesn't have to be the fic's focus, but I'd love to see some backstories there. Both canon era and modern AUs are welcome. Thanks! @danegen

4B)

mianmian the disaster lesbian saves the cultivation world by likeshipsonthesea (T, 27k, wangxian, LWJ & LQY, LWJ & JZX, fix-it, friendship, awesome LQY, war, blood & injury, light angst, self-acceptance, awkward JZX)

Candy & Conspiracies by Reverie (cl410) (T, 16k, WangXian, XuanLi, MianQing, Jīn Sect WWX, Chaos Gremlin WWX, Fluff and Crack, Humor, Cloud Recesses, Found Family, pure idiocy, And some light murder, good madam jin, No Angst, Canon Divergence)

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5. anyone has any recommendations of modern with cultivation aus? preferably similar to "the truth will out (when caught in video)" by kizu_katana, or just good and similar to the book characterizations (im also a little in the mood for some not jiang friendly). thank you ♥︎

a tide in two seas by occultings (microcomets) (E, 81k, wangxian, modern w/ magic, parallel universes, post-canon, getting together, pining, case fic) this, is kinda modern, but as in modern wangxian travel back in tima and meet canon wangxian

💙 this river runs to you by sundiscus (T, 53k, WangXian, Modern with Magic, Mutual Pining, Dragons, Literal Sleeping Together, Tender wound tending) and of course, my absolute favorite

Work in Tandem by MimiSpearmint (E, 23k, wangxian, LWJ & LSZ, modern cultivation, single parent LWJ, swordflight instructor WWX, fluff, protective LWJ, getting together, smut) but this one's jiang positive iirc

💙 the soft animal of your body by sysrae (T, 15k, WangXian, Modern with Magic, modern culitvation, Golden Core Reveal, Hurt/Comfort, Whump, Animal Transformation, Shapeshifting, Sort Of, Getting Together, Confessions)

Hear a song this deeply by so_shhy (T, 87k, wangxian, modern cultivation, music, kid fic, action/adventure, canon typical JGY behavior, slow burn, fluff & angst, happy ending)

Coil Tightly by Thunderstruck (Blueyed_Impala) (T, 50k, WangXian, Dragon LWJ, Shifters, Modern with Magic, WWX is oblivious to magic, Slow Burn, Fluff, Attempt at Humor, References to Animal Abuse but the animal is LWJ, Hurt/Comfort, WWX Has Self-Esteem Issues, WWX has abandonment issues, Possessive LWJ, Clueless Flirting, OC Lan disciples for plot reasons)

other earths and skies by binghecarer (T, 53k, WangXian, Modern with Magic, (but not in the typical way?), Slow Burn, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Canon-Typical Scars and Injuries, Curses, making a deal with a mysterious mountain spirit (?) to help your found family?, there was only one bed and it had narrative significance, (oh my god it had narrative signigicance), Hurt/Comfort)

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6. #itmf some similar fics to "hidden in the clouds" by karmiya, as in cultivator lan wangji and courtesan wei wuxian 🩷🐇 thank you for the good work!!

Some Things Are Just Fate by Signe_chan (E, 24k, WangXian, Prostitution, Rape/Non-con Elements, Injury, it's soppy actually I promise, Angst with a Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Happy Ending)

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7. Hi. For the ITMF I'd like to ask for fics where Wei Wuxian somehow hurts Lan Wangji unintentionally and obviously feels really bad about it (the more angsty, the better) but no WIPs please

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8. Hi there, can I hop on this IITMF series? Because I am in the mood for ✨️royalty wangxian✨️ and I feel like I've read them all (I know I haven't and need help finding some). Preferrably finished, but not a dealbreaker. I especially love ones that have passion through social etiquette, carefully crafted rituals, and words that mean WAY more than what they seem, you know? Sorry if its too much, its a tall order. Thanks also for this awesome account.

practicing our mistakes | End Racism in the OTW by isabilightwood (E, 49k, WangXian, Fairy Tale, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Friends to Lovers, royalty-adjacent AU, rom com, all the parents live, especially Mama Lan, who needs a divorce, consort competition, lwj does NOT want to participate, fake courting his best friend is the obvious solution, Qīnghéng-jūn's A+ Parenting, matchmaking while mutual pining, wwx is a mostly human-looking demon, Monsterfucking, Submissive LWJ, Dominant WWX, Bondage, (fully consensual), Outdoor Sex, Fluff and Light Angst, wwx's tail expresses his emotions, Bottom LWJ, Top WWX)

Royalty AU Compilation

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9. Hello! As always, thanks so much for all your work, I have found some beautiful works and authors thanks to you ^.^

I need help finding fics where cql! Wangxian meet novel! Wangxian or similar scenarios. I’m so sure I have read some of them but now I can’t find even one! Could you give me a hand please?

I remember enjoying the dynamics of “what do you mean you are/aren’t married!” And I just wanted to re read some :,)

Thanks!! @neko-in-gotham

💙 feel better love by Anonymous (T, 8k, WIP, WangXian, implied WangXianXian, Post-Canon, Crack Treated Somewhat Seriously, in a haha jk...unless? way, Light Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Crack, Crossover)

Key Differences by pupeez4eva (T, 5k, WangXian, Humor, Dimension Travel, Crossover, Drama!WWX meets Novel!WWX, Public Confessions, Post-Canon)

We always get what we deserve!(Doesn't matter even if you think you don't deserve it. Fate has mysterious ways!) by Ajareenlovesbtsandshinee (Not Rated, 16k, WIP, WangXian, Post-Canon, CQL WWX and MDZS WWX Exchange places, Happy Ending, Post-Canon Fix-It)

The Young, the Horny, the Jaded and the Jade: Partners in Time by Admiranda (M, 55k, WIP, WangXian, Established couple, Crossover, road trip with your older selves, teasing your younger selves about their obvious crushes, yin iron does yin iron things, mdzs/cql crossover, adult wangxian, Teenage Wangxian)

not quite the same by M00_Nie (T, 5k, WangXian, Post-Canon Módào Zǔshī Novel, Married WangXian, Established Relationship, Multiverse, WWX in MXY's Body, WWX in WWX's Body, Post-The Untamed (TV), flustered lwj, WangXian Get a Happy Ending, WWX being a menace, wangxian being in love, Dorks in Love, Alternate Universes, Fluff, A little bit of angst, WWX Being WWX, WWX is a Panicked Gay Supportive LWJ)

the roots by thelastdboy (E, 30k, wangxian, major character death, graphic depictions of violence, post-canon, post-untamed, MDZS/CQL combination, transmigrator LWJ, dimension travel, time travel, parallel universes, desperation, WWX pov, LWJ pov, heavy angst, mental health issues, giref/mourning, abandonment, depression, suicidal thoughts, hurt/comfort, getting together, rogue cultivator WWX, WQ lives, found family, cottagegore, it gets worse before it gets better) gotta do some self-promo for #9

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10. Hiii I love your page and I thank you for your hard work in finding us so many fics 😁

For the next ITMF, do you know of any fics about A) JC being brought back as a fierce corpse like WN and this making everything somehow better or B) any good crossover fics of Hualian just taking care of bb WY (or even after he dies) and just WY getting the family and status he deserves? @crazy-gay-killxr

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11. Hello! Thank you for all that you guys do!! <3

I was looking for some fics with wangxian as grandparents

The Boy with the Sunshine Smile by Witch_Nova221 (T, 153k, WangXian, Family Feels, Family Fluff, Post-Canon, Romance, Domestic Fluff, Romantic Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Warm and Fuzzy Feelings, Parenthood, Growing Up) it's not a major plotpoint, but wangxian become grandparents at the end of this story

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12. Hello hello! (＾▽＾) I was wondering if you got any fic were WWX's cultivation doesn't corrupt/actively harm him, like it's not really more dangerous then reguler cultivation, like he knows how to do it safely, something like that? it would also be nice if others learn that and/or WWX explain how it's safe,

Did I Not Explain Why the Sunset Turns Red? By 3988Akasha (E, 110k, wangxian, time travel, canon divergence, Canonical Character Death, Soulmates, Demonic Cultivation, Original Female Character(s), Emotional Constipation, Minor Character Death, Hand Jobs, Sexual Content, Bathing/Washing, Idiots in Love, Poetry, Mild Gore, Anal Sex, Angst, Rimming, Blow Jobs)

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13. ITMF the filthiest spiciest hottest WangXian fic you've ever read.

I Won't Tell If You Won't by anxiousTypist (E, 11k, WangXian, Modern AU, Masturbation, Public Masturbation, Semi-Public Sex, Exhibitionism, Voyeurism, but not really, no one sees, Coming In Pants, Wet & Messyish, Mildly Dubious Consent, PWP)

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14. Does anyone know if any TopGun Aus exist? I feel like mdzs would have a field day with this concept. Especially with the volleyball scene. I've read Pacific Rim au that was really good so I'm more or less curious since I see both of these movies in the same category. @skylar-lei1634

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15. Hi! So this one is a mix of itmf and ficfinder request, but I remember reading a fic where WWX got pregnant via talisman. Do you know a fic like this? Because I can‘t find it for the love of god, but I want that plot and more of it. Thank you so much! @desperation-is-my-middle-name (also in a previous FF post)

with arms wide open by violia (M, 4k, WangXian, Character Entering Into M/M Marriage Invents Mpreg In Hopes Of Pleasing Their Spouse With An Heir, Fluff, Post-Canon, Canon Compliant, Slight Misunderstandings, secret reveal)

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16. any fics where wwx comes back to life and lwj doesnt recognize him but falls in love "again"? @chellsky

Love Song In Reverse by timetoboldlygo (T, 237k, WangXian, Amnesia, Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Non-Sexual Intimacy, Falling In Love, Slow Burn, agressively mixing and matching novel and cql canon, No Homophobia, Mentions of Starvation, Parental WWX) this one that i recently recced

By Any Other Name by ShanaStoryteller (Not Rated, 31k, Wangxian, Canon Divergence, Crossdressing, Misunderstandings, Identity Porn, Identity reveal)

Tumblr series Lady Mo by Shanastoryteller is ongoing. Here's a link to the latest one because it has links to ask the previous installments so far, but definitely recommend reading in order so start with the first one.

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17. Hello, for the next ITMF(In the mood for), I’m looking for wangxian mpreg fanfictions with scenes of childbirth in. Preferably with Wei Wuxian being the pregnant partner.

Thank you for your work and i hope you have a great day.

Blood, Google, and Love by Prairie_Grass (E, 4k, WangXian, Modern with Magic, they were roommates, A/B/O Dynamics, Getting Together, Mpreg, semi graphic giving birth, Alpha LWJ, Omega wwx, Intersex Omegas, (or you could head-canon WWX as trans if you wanted), Fluff and Angst, the run-on sentences are on-purpose because WWX and LWJ are both:, neurodiverse characters, slightly traumatic birth)

Surprise Baby! by trulywicked (M, 10k, WangXian, Modern with Magic, Modern Cultivation, Mpreg, Unplanned Pregnancy, Accidental Baby Acquisition, Didn't know he was pregnant, birthing scene, Little bit of blood, A/B/O Dynamics, Inspired by Twitter, Established Relationship, Fluff)

On The Way Home by vesna (mrsronweasley) (E, 59k, wangxian, Modern, Mpreg, Non-a/b/o mpreg, Unprotected Sex, Unexpected Pregnancy, Friends With Benefits, Getting Together, Pining while fucking)

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If you didn’t get an answer to your ask here, don’t forget to make use of @mdzs-kinkmeme and MDZS KINK MEME on Dreamwidth. Authors actually do use them for ideas. You may get what you order!***Your prompt doesn’t have to be kink! Fluff, crack, whatever - it’s all good!***

[multiwreckedmess]

February Filth Fest - Day 11

Pairing: Seonghwa x fem!Reader Prompt: Impregnation WC: 2.2k Summary: Married for two years you’ve decided to leave having a child up to fate. Seonghwa wants to give fate a bit of a tip in its favor. TW/CW: FLUFFY. HEAVY pregnancy talk. Unprotected penetration, creampie, nicknames (dear, honey, darling, wife) Seonghwa is obsessed with knocking you up tbh. A lil bit angsty at the end but Seonghwa is real sweet so it’s ok.

“You look so sexy like this,” Seonghwa squeezes you into a tight back hug, planting a kiss on your cheek. Bent over the sink, yellow rubber gloved, face blasted with steam, contrary to his statement you felt perhaps the least sexy you could’ve ever felt.  “My darling wife, my sweet wife, my wife who is working far too hard.” He sways with you locked to him, making it nigh impossible to place the rinsed plate into the dishwasher. “If i don’t do it now you’ll go on a cleaning fit later, dear.” You give him a pointed glare, trying to wiggle your shoulders loose. “Then let me have a cleaning fit later, i want you now.” The clicks and pops of his vocal chords are crisp in your ear as he growls, grabbing a handful of your ass along with the statement to drive home the point. “Okay well, can you at least bring me to the bedroom first?” You ask incredulously. “You’re the one still hovering at the sink with those nasty gloves on.” “So you wouldn’t fuck me with cleaning gloves on?” “That’s not the point, you said-” “Nonono, Park Seonghwa. Now who is the obstacle to fucking?” “We aren’t fucking we’re practicing. Remember?” You cringe. “I hate that so much I’m pretty sure that just dried out my cooch.” “Woman!” Seonghwa slams his fist into the counter next to you. “Stop being so obstinate so I can bring you to the bedroom and pump you full of semen like the lord intended!” He scowls, huffing angrily for a moment before both of you crack into large smiles and laughter.

The two of you strip down separately, haphazardly tossing clothes into the hamper until you’re only in your underwear and shirts. It’s comfortable. Quiet. Routine. You pat your face dry of toner and slip into bed next to your husband. Seonghwa was still obsessed with the titles two years later. Husband and wife which he desperately wanted to be father and mother. He’d made it no secret through your courtship that he wanted a family and yet here you were two years into marriage with no children to speak of. He’d equally made it clear that it was up to you when you wanted to start the process, never pressuring or giving a timeline. “It might stress your uterus,” he half-joked. It was only recently that you’d had your implant removed and not replaced. Your internal requirements had been met, your relationship was stable, your jobs were stable, and your housing was stable. If fate dictated now was the time, it was the time, and you left it at that.

Seonghwa was more eager, researching when your most fertile days would be, making sure you were happy and relaxed and well fucked for the whole week surrounding those peak times. And who were you to refuse your gorgeous husband doting on you for a whole week?

“Do you wanna put something on?” “Sure, I think I found a 2 hour long video doc abou-” Seonghwa cut you off, “excellent, 2 hours I’m in. As long as it isn’t one like that one you put on about the internet killer?” He bristles. “Oh no, NO. It’s about queue lines at Disney parks-” “Perfect choice my lovely perfect wife,” he kisses your cheek. “No more serial killer documentaries while I’m trying to get you in the mood.” It’s hard not to laugh at the horrific moment, turned comedic with time. The two of you suppress a giggle as you slot together beneath the sheets. Spooning, the rise and fall of his chest soothes your daily worries. Each pulse is a hypnotic metronome. Your breath slows to match his as you lay there, letting yourself zone out to the dulcet tones of the voiceover artist narrating the documentary. Seonghwa slots his hand in the valley between your breasts. He’d started doing this after you’d mentioned you hated it when they’d crush together and leave your cleavage sweaty. It had started as a small joke but it had become a ritual. Slowly over the thin cotton sleep shirt he thumbed your nipple, casually stroking over the hardening bud. Each swipe tingling, sending a cascade of sparks down your spine and into your core. It was in the name of slowly winding you up, working you into a state of desire. It was honestly your favorite part. Seonghwa loved it too, breast soft and heavy in his hand, feeling the pulse in your neck accelerate as you got more and more worked up. Your not so subtle scootches of your ass back into his crotch, inviting him for more. Waiting until you were pliant to roll you onto your back, discarding your shirts to hold each other more closely. Slowly Seonghwa left open-mouthed kisses in a trail from your neck to your nipple, circling and sucking the tender, swollen area. “They’ll get bigger when I’m pregnant,” you squeeze his shoulders as his tongue circles your areola. “Swollen. And tender. I can help you wash and dry and lotion them.” You roll your eyes and smile, “yeah so helpful Hwa. I’m sure a big burden.” He sucks harshly, eliciting a yelp of pain and sigh of pleasure. “It’s help, take it or leave it.” Sneaking your leg around to his side you slot him between your legs, “I’ll take. I’ll take it.” “Yeah you will,” he rubs his bulge against your pelvis, lining it up with your slit and thrusting, indirectly stimulating your clit. You gasp and giggle, swatting his arm. “You’re so stupid oh my god!” Seonghwa leans over, nose to nose, “but you love me though.” He teases with a sing-song lilt. “Ugh, I do. I do love you.” You grind against him faster, his lips returning to your nipple, hand keeping your other one preoccupied. He feels your rutting grow more desperate until you wrap your arms around his ribs and squeeze him to you, tensing with your first orgasm. Tenderly he kisses your neck. Slipping a finger between your skin and the elastic he asks, “can we take these off” softly. He knows the answer is yes because it always is yes but he always checks to be sure. It’s such a small gesture and yet so important to you still after the years had passed. Lifting your hips to help him slide your underwear out of the way the two of you are finally naked, huddled under the covers. Two of his fingers, long and delicate, slide between your walls. Your lips purse and brows furrow, even though the stretch is only slight. The aim is not another orgasm, just prepping for what’s to come. Still as he curls his fingers upwards it feels nice. He can reach just that little bit deeper, angle himself just a little bit better than you can. Your hips join his slow strokes, heels pressed to the mattress. Messy bun slipping out, letting your hair pile and splay on the pillow Seonghwa likes this version of you the best. When you finally allow yourself to enjoy the moment, brain quieting for even the few minutes together. He’s the only one who gets to see you like this and for that he feels blessed. His wife. Lips to yours he slides his fingers from you, enjoying your gasp against his mouth. Teasing your slit with the head of his cock he smiles as you whine for him. Seonghwa had insisted missionary and its variants were optimal for encouraging sperm retention, reserving any positions where you were on top for “off-peak” days where it didn’t matter as much. Not that you minded anything about missionary. While vanilla as a position, it allowed you to hold onto him closely, feeling warm and loved and protected underneath him. The first stretch is the worst. Tangled in lust and pain despite the prep he still stretches you. Brows furrowed you breathe slowly, pushing up to slide more of him in/ “You okay? Need more-” Seonghwa tentatively retreats. You groan and gasp and grapple his low back, “no, just keep-ugh-I can do it.” He looks worried, “if you’re sure.” He presses into the friction, your tight heat clenching down around him until he’s finally settled fully inside of you.

“Fuck-Hwa- you’re so thick. Fuck.” You grimace. The sting of the stretch you’re used to but always surprises you. No matter how many times you take him it seems your cunt forgets. He’s still as stone inside of you, nuzzling your neck, thumb ghosting over your nipple, letting you work your hips in a circle, slowly relaxing around him. “You’re just too tight. So tiny. No matter how many times I fuck you.”  He bites his lip as you manage just a little more inside of you, the little bit he was too nervous to fill you with despite knowing you can take it. He can’t help himself, even though you tell him he can go rougher and that he can make it hurt. He doesn’t want to. Leaning to the side just a little more, rocking your hips up, he reaches into your bedside table and pulls out a small vibrator.  “Let me help you.” The toy whirrs to life, fitting snuggly between your bodies. Back arching your walls flutter, working him earnestly. “Hwa-oh shit-” you tug your husbands torso to you. Muscles rippling the closeness stabilizes you. He feels so real, and warm, and sturdy. The overwhelming need to touch, to feel him completely, each little flex and breath.

Seonghwa moves slowly at first. Pulling out just to the tip to slam back into you. The pull of your warm cunt driving him forward again. He loses himself to the rhythm of your whispered moans and sweet affirmations. Your orgasm slicking your walls and easing his thrusts he grabs the underside of your thigh and pushes it back to your shoulder to pound down into you.

Tearing the vibrator from between you and tossing it to the side, Seonghwa presses his forehead to you, sweat traveling the sides of his face. Grunting and panting like animals in heat you no longer worry about how you sound or who might hear. Making noise simply isn't and option you can control anymore. The head just kissing your cervix, pressing into your guts. you shiver and shake and scream with each thrust, nails driving into his biceps. Seonghwa can feel himself getting closer to the edge, driving deeply he spills inside of you, grunting and sighing. Forcing himself to stay inside, head pressed to your cervix as you milk him, making sure each spurt of release reaches its destination.

Lowering your hips making sure to stay inside you pull him back down to you, chests pressed in a sticky warm embrace. You hum, content to be just a little squished beneath him, letting the refractory pulses of his cock still in your walls. He leaves gentle open-mouthed kisses at the crux of your shoulder and neck where he’s landed, breathing hard and heavy. “You think it’ll work?” You whisper in his ear. “No idea.” He kisses your cheek, “if it doesn’t we’ll keep trying.” Suddenly your chest is tense, tears welling. “I just think…I think you’ll be a really good dad.” You try to control your emotions. It feels silly to cry now, not after having been railed within an inch of your life. No, you should’ve cried during, if you were going to cry. Not in the afterglow. “I just want to make you a dad someday.” He hears your voice waiver. Seonghwa is not stupid, the two of you are far too close for you to think anything would slip by him. “Honey, it’s fine, you will. You will.” Groaning he pulls from you, pressing both of your legs into your center, balling you up on yourself. Another small superstition, keeping his cum inside of you for as long as possible, letting gravity aid the process. He grabs the baby wipes, kept nearby on his bedside, gently cleaning himself and then you. Careful to only wipe the areas surrounding. Another small gesture you’d grown accustomed to. A tear slips out, rolling sideways on your cheek, sticking in your ear. “Oh honey. Oh my sweet wife.” Seonghwa kisses your shin, your shoulders, your cheek. “You’re going to be such a good mother. No matter how we do it.” His hand slides between your thigh and your stomach, hand splaying protectively, laying down on his side next to you. “Will you still think I'm pretty when I’m swollen and throwing up every morning?” You smile, a sob slipping out. Seonghwa laughs, squeezing your stomach. “Fucking gorgeous. Especially when your pussy and tits are swollen, getting for our child.” “Fucking nerd,” you sniff. “You love me.” “I know.”

He watches your chest rise and fall, managing the time you’re on your back. He knows eventually you’ll need to get up to use the bathroom but for now he just wants to sit with you and listen to your breathing. No matter what trials may come you’ll always have this moment of peace, together.

As a person who has had a partner for many many years my mission was to make this sort of more realistic? Ish? Did it work? It was sort of nice to write something really fluffy.

[maralovesescapism]

So

I had a dream last night about an Earth Apocalypse AU CodyWan fic where the clones were created by an evil corporation but then a version of order 66 happened and there was a massacre and the clones have become the enforcer of the evil corporation but since the remainder of the public refuse to cooperate towns before that stereotypical level of deserted.

Enter Obi-Wan, who lost his best friend (but more like a brother) Anakin when he got job poached there and became directly involved in the company. Obi-Wan now spends his time in a truck helping people who the clones and other enforcers are hurting.

When he goes hunting in a woodland area for meat, he stumbled across a clone (Cody), who is injured and constantly zoning out. Obi-Wan decides to take the risk and save him.

When Cody awakes all he can remember is his name as that was the one bit of his humanity that he was allowed to have. He is still quite loyal to the company though. Obi-Wan feeds him and makes sure he’s okay, but keeps him tied up. They somehow end up travelling together, at least for a little bit, and Cody realises that the company is very bad, but still feels obligated to obey.

They save people for a few weeks and eventually come into contact with a higher up who lets it slip that there are behaviour chips in all the clones. Obi-Wan and Cody both start to freak out, and the higher up dies before they can ask any more questions. Cody tell Obi-Wan something he’s never told anyone that it that several years ago he let his brother Rex go with someone who left the company and that he might know something. Cody then breaks down because he disobeyed everything he ever knew and that he was betrayed by the company that made him.

So, they go to find Rex, becoming closer and closer as they go, and eventually stumble upon him and his rebel base. Obi-Wan also reunite with Ahsoka who went with Anakin to the company and they all knew each other through a foster program for youths. Rex removed Cody’s chip and they go and take down the corporation together. Cody still has a lot of trauma to work through and is afraid of what people will do to him because he has spent so much time with the bad people.

This is just the bare bones of the idea. My brain has A LOT more where this came from! Including hurt/comfort, slow burn, ANGST. SADNESS. typical apocalypse scenes and vibes.

Ok ok, I didn’t have a dream about so much as I zoned out for like an entire day thinking about it. Please please tell me a fic like this exists!

If it doesn’t I might have to write it though but I’m not sure I would do it justice.

HELP DOES ANYONE OTHER THAN ME THINK THAT THIS IS GOOD?

[andydrysdalerogers]

Cross-Check ~ Chapter 20

Andy Barber x OFC Leighton "Leia" Andrews

Summary:

Andy Barber is having the best year of his life. His game is on point. It’s gets to play with his best friend and his fiancé just... dumped him?!. 

Reeling from a sudden change in status, Andy decides it’s time to just focus on hockey. Until his best friend's sister comes out with news that rock the entire organizations world., 

Andy has always carried a torch for the untouchable Leighton but in her hour of need, is now the time to shoot and score or risk getting cross - checked again? 

Warnings: Cheating (but not by the MCs); slow burn; friends to lovers eventually; SMUT!; pregnancy; jealousy; handsome goalies, evil exes...

A/N: The tag list is open! Also, so sorry to be behind on this one. Life got in the way for awhile but I'm back!

A/N 2: This chapter has a sister chapter in my other fanfic "Troublemaker". You can check out that out here.

I do NOT give permission for my work to be translated or reposted on here or any other site, even if you give me credit. DO NOT REPOST MY FICS. Reblogs, comments, likes, and feedback ALWAYS appreciated

Dividers by @firefly-graphics

Banners by me!

Previous: Chapter 19 - Oh Good, You're Home

Series Masterlist // Main Masterlist

Chapter 20 – When Two Becomes Three 

Leia 

I’m scared.  

So fucking scared.  

The doctors and nurses are talking to each other as they push my gurney to the operating room. Jeremy catches up to us and takes my hand.  We get to the doors and one of nurses stops Jeremy. “We’re going to get her set up and then bring you in.”  

He nods and looks down at me. “See you in a minute.”  

I keep my eyes on him for as long as possible before the doors closed. They move me into position and drape a barrier between my head and my belly. I hear the door creak open and then I see Jeremy all masked up. “Jeremy,” I say and can feel a tear fall.  

“Hey, everything is still okay. I won’t leave.” He leans over and kisses my forehead. “You’re still the strongest woman I know.”  

“Andy’s going to miss it,” I whisper.  

“I know.”  

“He’s going to hate us.”  

“No, he won’t. He’ll be happy that you and the baby are healthy and safe. Don’t think like that.” He thumbs my tears away. “Don’t cry, he wouldn’t want you to cry.”  

“Ok, let’s get started,” the doctor says.  The phone rings right before and a nurse answers. “Yes? Oh okay, send him up.”  She leans over to speak to the doctor.  

The doctor’s eyes crinkle and she look over at me. “I’ve got a surprise for you.” 

Andy 

Three Hours Earlier 

Morning skate on game day are always light. We never want to expend all of our energy before a game, it's just to get our legs loose from the day before and sleep. I’m excited but a little nervous. I wasn’t expecting Leia to be left alone while I was gone.  I get it, Miranda has a job to do, but it made me nervous. At least until I talked to my girl.  She was bubbly and happy over the phone last night. It calmed me down.  

“Heads up!” Luke ices me as he comes to stop and I laugh, wiping the snow away from my face.  

“Asshole!” I smack his ass with my stick as he skates away. I move to do my laps and shoot at the net occasionally. We have a rookie in net, taking shots as backup to Linus Ullmark since Jeremy is out with a concussion.  I’m talking with the kid when I hear Coach call mine and Luke’s name.  I snap my head up and he waves us over.  I skate to him. “What’s up?” 

“Get your shit together and get to the airport.  Leia is in labor.”   

The world around me stops. She’s in labor. “But she’s early,” I say. This can’t be happening. I’m supposed to be there to hold her hand. To see my daughter being brought into the world,  

“Just go,” Coach orders. “Jeremy is driving her there. Sway, keep us updated.” 

Luke guides me off the ice as Coach informs the team about what’s happening.  “Luke, I...” 

“Don’t freak, just get dressed and grab your phone and wallet. I’ll have the guys grab our stuff from the hotel.” Luke turned to walk back through the tunnel to the ice.  I changed and then call Leia, but she doesn’t answer. No, I have to speak to her, or I am going to lose my mind.  

One of the team coordinators tell us that we have a private plane waiting for us and we take off in a company car. My leg is bouncing in the car, staring at my phone. I try to call again. “Come on baby, pick up the phone.” 

Luke’s phone rings. “It’s Jeremy,” he tells me.  “Hey, let me put you on speaker.” Luke turns it and I can hear Jeremy.  

“Hey, sorry, I saw you calling but Leia’s been having some intense contractions.  The doctor is with her now. I don’t know how much longer she’ll be in labor.”  

“Jeremy, is she in a lot of pain?” I ask.  

“Yeah,” I close my eyes at his response. “They are going to give her a shot or something. She asked me to stay with her.”  

“Ok, don’t leave her alone. We’ll be in the air within the next 20 minutes and we are about two hours away. Jeremy,” I took a breath, “please take care of my family.”  

“I will Andy, I promise.”  

I hang up as we pull into the private terminal. Climbing the stairs, the captain greets us. “Mr. Barber, Mr. Andrews, management informed me of the situation. I’ll get you to Boston as soon as possible.”  

“Thank you.” I took a seat and just stared out the window. My mind was fully on Leia. Our daughter is early, and I don’t know if she is in distress. My mind runs through all the different complications that were in all the baby books I had read. My brow started sweating as I thought of preeclampsia and cord asphyxiation.  

“Andy, take a breath for me.” Luke grabbed my shoulder and I turned to look at him. “C’mon buddy, breathe.”  

“She’s alone and she’s giving birth to my baby and what if everything goes wrong?” I could feel myself panicking and I couldn’t stop it.  

“Whoa, hey, she is not alone. Jeremy is there and while I’ve had my issues with him, he has proven to be a good man. He won’t let anything happen to her if he can.”  

“Luke, why do I feel like this? I’m terrified.”  

Luke smiled. “Because you’re about to be a dad. Soon, you will have two girls to take care of.  They are going to love you so much.” He patted my back before he went back on his phone.  

He’s right. I will have my girls to take care of from now on. And a thought runs through my head. Because, while everyone knows me to be that little girl’s dad, biologically, she isn’t mine.  That isn’t something I had talked to Leia about. And then I thought about the fact that I don’t have any legal rights to take of Leia if something were to happen. I would die if something happened to her.  

But we’ve only been dating for a few months. Though I’ve known her for the better part of 25 years. She’s my best friend for a reason.  She knows me and I know her. And I want to be in her life forever.  

And I know now what I need to do.  

“Hey Luke?” 

“Yeah bro.”  

“You know I love Leia, right?” 

“Duh.” He rolls his eyes.  

“Right. Well, do you think that it would be ok to ask her to marry me?” 

I probably should have timed that better as he was sipping a water when I said that. He sputtered and choked. I patted his back until the red color faded from his face. “You’ve only been together for a couple of months.”  

“Three and we’ve been living together for seven and have been friends since she was born. She’s it, man. She’s the one I have been wanting, who make me the best version of me. I love her and I want to make her my wife. I want to legally adopt our baby and be a family, spiritually and legally.”  

Luke goes quiet for a few minutes as I go back to staring out the window. “Why ask me?” 

I turn back to him. “Luke, you are her family and while I’m not really asking for your permission, I do want your blessing.”  

“Do you have a ring?” 

“Not yet. I was just thinking that I don’t really have rights over Leia, or the baby and I needed to fix that. The first thing I need to do is make her mine, legally. But I know she will never do it if she doesn’t have your blessing.”  

Luke nods. “You’ll still let me crash at your place and let me visit my sister?” 

“When Miranda gets pissed, you can hide at our place.” I chuckle a little. “So...” 

“I’ve always thought of you as a brother.” He sighs. “Just making it a legal thing.” He smiles. “Yeah, you have my blessing.” We awkwardly hug in our seats. 

I start looking at rings online, just to get an idea of what I want and prices when the captain announces our descent into Logan. I take a breath and hope that we are still in time.  

After landing and getting into the private car the team sent, we raced through the street of Boston. As we pulled into the entrance of the hospital, I got a message from Jeremy.  

Jeremy: they need to do an emergency c-section.  They are moving her now.  

“Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck!” The car barely stops when I’m running out the door.  “For Leia Andrews?” I ask at the nurse's station 

“Labor and Delivery 5th floor.”  

“Thanks.” I turn to run but the nurse yells. “Sir, I’m sorry but she’s been taken in for an...” 

“I know. But she’s my fiancé and I need to get to her.”  

“Hang on.” She dials a number and speaks to whomever.  She hangs up and grabs a plastic bag with a blue cloth in it.  “Follow me.”  

She walks as Luke and I follow her. “We already have someone in there with her but since your doctor is a big fan, she’s going to allow two. You need to put this on with the hat, mask and gloves right now.” The elevator opens and we climb in as she pushes for the floor.  I pull on the gown and hat and gloves as she ties the straps around me. “Mr. Andrews, I will walk you to the waiting room after to drop off Mr. Barber.“ Luke nods. We get to the floor and see directs me to the right room. 

I take a breath and push my way in. “Oh, good, Andy, you made it.”  I can hear Dr. Montgomery, but I can’t see her.  

“Hey doc.”  

“Andy!” I hear the gasp of my girl and see her turn her head to the left. She has tears in her eyes. “You made it.”  

“I said I would, my queen.” I look up and see Jeremy in scrubs and a surgical hat on her right. “Thank you.” 

“No problem.”  

“Alright folks, let’s get this baby out. Scalpel,” Dr. Montgomery orders.  

“What happened, baby?” I look at her and the tears silently fall. I lean over and kiss her forehead.  

“Her heart rate dropped, and they made me lay on my side to help but it didn’t, so they rushed us over here,” she explains. “I’m sorry Andy, I tried to protect her and...” 

“No, sweetheart, you did a fantastic job. Maybe she’s just being difficult, like you.”  

Jeremy snorts and then coughs while Leia scoffs. “I am not difficult.”  

“And baby is out and it’s a girl,” the doctor calls out.  But then it’s silent except for the beeps of the machines.  

“She's not crying. Andy, she’s not crying.” The look of panic made her eyes search wildly for her baby.  

“I know. Doc?” I saw them move the baby to the incubator that was waiting. She was surrounded by five people, working on my little girl.  

“Andy, Leia, the baby is...” 

And then we heard it, the most magical, joyous noise you could ever hear.  

Our baby crying.  

“Oh, thank God,” I said as I pressed a kiss to Leia’s forehead.  

“I was going to say, baby was having some difficulty. They are going to take the baby to the PICU for some test and observation. I’m going to stay to close.”  

“Can I go with her?” I ask.  

“I’m sorry Andy, but until they know she is stable, they won’t allow it right now. But Dr. Peters will keep you updated.”  

“I think I am going to step out,” Jeremy said.  “Great job mama. I’ll be in the waiting room.” He left and I stayed by Leia’s head.  

“She has to be ok, right? She has to be,” Leia kept repeating softly as tears rolled down her face.  

I tried to distract her. “Have you decided on a name for the Princess?  We can’t keep calling her that or the Baby forever.  She’ll get a complex.”  

“Shut up,” Leia said a watery giggle. “I really like Nora.”  

“I like Avery or Jamie.” I kept running my hand over her cap. “I guess we can wait until we see her.”  

I felt Leia tremble. “Are we going to see her?” 

“Of course we are. Love, she’s going to be ok. You have to believe that because otherwise, we’re just putting bad juju out there.  It's like say, ‘we might win the cup.’ No, we will win the cup. Positivity.”  

“If I could move, I would hit you, Andrew Barber.”  

We were in the operating room for another thirty minutes and then moved to the recovery room. Leia fell asleep from the pain relievers that she was given, and I was just pacing back and forth, waiting for news on my daughter.  An hour later, the pedestrian, came in. “Mr. Barber?” 

I turned to him and paled. “Yes?” 

“Do you want to wake Mrs. Barber?”  

Mrs. Barber. As much as I like the sound of that, it wasn’t the time. “Leia, sweetheart? The baby’s doctor’s is here.” Her eyes fluttered a little and blinked open softly. A smile started to grace her face when the realization of my words hit. Panic filled them but before she could speak, I took her hands. “Everything is ok, please relax.” She nodded and turned to the other man in the room. I sat next to her on the bed and nodded at the doctor.  

He smiled.  “He’s right.  Baby Andrews-Barber is going to be fine.”  

It felt like the pressure on my chest lifted and I could breathe for the first time in hours.  

“She had some fluid stuck in her mouth, which is why she couldn’t cry.  We cleared it, made sure there were no lingering fluid or obstructions.  She pinked up as soon as we had her in the PICU.  I’m recommending that you both stay here for a couple of days just to make sure.”  

“Can we see her?” 

“I’m having the nurse bring her in a few minutes. I just want to explain everything before you see her. She does have a tube in her nose and that’s just a precaution for the fluid.  We’ll probably remove that tomorrow.”  

Leia wept into my side, the stress of everything finally coming to an end. I kissed her head. “Thank you, doctor, so much.”  

“My pleasure. I’ll be back to check on her later tonight.” He walked out and I held onto Leia tighter. The door opened again, and a bassinet came through the door with a nurse. “Hi mom and dad. I have someone that would like to meet you.” She pushed the bassinet right next to Leia’s bed. She lifted her out and handed her to Leia. “Just be careful of the line. It's not connected to anything, but we don’t want to pull it out.” She laid the little pink bundle in her arms.  

Dark lashes caressed her cheek, espresso color hair peeked from beneath a pink cap. Her pink skin glowed and she had a perfect rosebud pout.  She wiggles a little and blinked, displaying Leia’s green eyes copied into her own.  

“She’s perfect,” Leia whispered. “Hi baby, we waited for so long for you.“ She kissed her head, “Andy, she’s here.”  

“She is.” I wiped at my own eyes. “You did a great job, Leia. She’s beautiful.”  

We stared at her for a few minutes before Leia said, “Avery.”  

“What?” 

“Avery Nora Barber. That’s her name.”  

“No Andrews?” 

“No, she’s yours, Andy, She’s a Barber.” She held her out to me so I could hold my daughter for the first time.  She was light in my arms but all I felt was joy.  

And I fell in love. 

“Hi Avery, I’m... I’m your daddy.” A tear fell onto her blanket as I realized I would do anything for this tiny human in my arms. That she and her mother were the center of my world without even trying. “Thank you, Leia.” 

We spent an hour together before Leia told me to take Avery to meet her uncles. I took her in my arms and went out to the waiting room.  When the doors swung open, Luke and Jeremy stood up. "Guys, meet my daughter,” I said with teary pride.  

Luke took the bundle and cooed at his niece. Jeremy peeked over his shoulder. “She’s beautiful Andy. Congratulations.”  

“Thanks Jer. Fuck, thanks for being here with her.” I shook his hand before I pulled him into a hug. “I was calm because I knew she was in good hands.”  I wipe the tears from my eyes.  “Wanna hold her, Uncle Jeremy?” 

He took the little miracle in his arms. “She’s got her mama’s hair and looks like Leia.” He smiles and kiss her forehead.  

“Welcome to the world, Avery Nora Barber.” 

NEXT

Taglist:

@patzammit @texmexdarling @slutforchrisjamalevans @firephotogrl74 @tinkerbelle67 @before-we-get-started @bunnyforhim @alexakeyloveloki @sunnyhummingbee @whiskeytangofoxtrot555 @peaceinourtime82 @saucy-sassy-sparkly @kmc1989 @kandis-mom @lokislady82

[makesometime]

Ok zo...Zo. I need a fic where Wilde meets Astarion. Even if it's for kinktobter I'll still read it. I need the pretty dramatic white haired boys to meet.

Just for you Yami - it’s not a full story but I hope it suits what you were looking for! (suits is a pun, as you will see shortly)

--

The door to the tailors opens with a creak, a slow sort of intrusion that Oscar should know better than to think is his husband. But he turns anyway, always delighted to see the dwarf that has precious little interest in fashion but an oddly boundless patience for indulging his own.

“Darling, there you are, come on in.”

Instead of a short, white haired dwarf, however, there stands a tall, white haired elf, dressed fashionably enough that he doesn’t look particularly out of place here.

Except for the fact that this was a private appointment.

“Darling?” The man smiles. “What a lovely welcome.”

“Unintentional, I’m afraid.” Oscar murmurs, stepping down from the little podium. It doesn’t escape his notice that the man casts no reflection. “I was expecting someone else.”

The elf sniffs, walking across to a display of fabric bolts to run his fingers over the softness of each in turn. There’s a dagger at his belt, and Oscar doesn’t doubt that he knows how to use it.

“A shame.” The man smiles, but doesn’t look at him. “I thought I might have stumbled across an innocent beauty.”

“Only one of those is true, nowadays.” Oscar retorts. He thinks he’s hiding his annoyance well, but perhaps it’s a little too good a job if the man isn’t hurrying off in search of easier prey.

The man turns. Shoots him a winning smile, the sort that might have worked on Oscar, ten years ago. “I can tell which, and I have to say that only makes you more compelling.”

The suit that Oscar’s wearing is at least constructed enough for him to move about freely, and he knows it makes him look good. So he takes a few steps closer to the other man, knowing not to get too close, even if he wasn’t obviously a vampire - or a thrall.

“This is a private appointment, though.” He says, lower lip sticking out in a little pout, as if he’s actively disappointed to have to chase the man away. “So I’m afraid you’ll have to leave Mr….?”

“You can call me Astarion.” He replies. “In fact, I’d like it quite a lot if you did.”

“Astarion, of course. A lovely name. It suits you.” Oscar smiles, hand resting on the opposite end of the bolt of fine velvet that Astarion was drawn to. “Yet you don’t appear to be leaving.”

Astarion looks around, a cunning attempt at making sure that the shop owner isn’t present. No doubt, it’s also a chance to listen to footsteps from the street, to see if Oscar’s telling the truth. 

“Oh I don’t, do I? How silly of me. I find myself… distracted.”

Oscar’s lips purse, momentarily. “Yes, I can tell. But you're not the one paying a sizeable amount of gold for the singular attention of a talented artisan.”

“Surely it can’t hurt to share a little moment of your time? This is clearly a place of high repute.”

“It is.” Oscar says. “And it will remain that way, once it stops playing host to a vampire.”

Astarion gasps, a dramatic little motion of his hand to his chest making Oscar smile. Perhaps they are more alike than he is ready to recognise right now.

“You wound me, sir.” 

Oscar’s smile widens as the door to the tailors opens once more, and in walks his beloved. He takes one look at Astarion and rolls his eyes, wandering over to the waiting area without even greeting Oscar. He must have had a terrible time at the butchers.

“That was, I’m afraid, my intention. Now if you’ll be so kind?”

Astarion loiters long enough for Zolf to take notice, and he wanders over to hook an arm around Oscar’s waist, shooting Astarion the filthiest look Oscar’s seen him wear in a long while.

“Get the fuck out, won’t you?”

Oscar snickers as Astarion’s face falls into neutrality once more, all of his charm gone in an instant. He dips his head in the barest hint of civility, then turns around and heads back out into the city without another look.

“Probably should’ve killed ‘im.” Zolf says, eventually. “What’s a vampire doing in London?”

“In the daytime no less.” Oscar muses. “Ah, well. If we meet him again, perhaps.”

Zolf nods, then takes a step back and looks at Oscar carefully. Eventually, his scowl fades into a little smile, and he pats Oscar’s bum.

“Look lovely in that.”

Oscar grins. “I know, darling. But it means much more to hear it from you.”

[crispysoupwonderland]

~It Will All Be Ok~ (3)

William Afton/Dave Miller x Nb/AFAB reader

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

Notes: kinda proofread, (art by other me again used base)

Cw: smut (kinda), kidnapping, non con

part 1, part 2

Read on Ao3

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

It’s been days since Callie died, it's hard to get out of bed in the mornings. However, you can’t give up on your job, your mom still needs you, you need to act like an adult. You try to get along with your co-workers the best you can but all you can form is a superficial surface-level relationship at most. 

Everything seemed normal, boring, to be honest. But you were still grateful to be making at least some money. Every time you went to work you always felt like someone was watching you though. The only abnormal thing that you could think of was a bright flash in the corner of your eye every once in a while. I think this place is making me go a bit crazy. 

One closing shift the kids seemed to have made a bigger mess than usual. There was birthday cake smeared all over the floor and walls, it had been completely massacred. You look in your usual cabinet where the cleaning supplies are kept, this won’t be enough for that mess. 

“ Do you know where the ‘heavy duty’ cleaning supplies are?” you ask one of your coworkers walking by.

“Um.. I don’t know,” she says uninterested,” maybe look in the basement?”

“Erm.. ok thank, where would that be.. I didn’t even know that we had a basement here”

She rolled her eyes, clearly just wanting to leave. “Um, I think the key would probably be in the boss’s office…” sarcasm is in her tone

You pressed your ear against the door and it was quiet. You open his office door and the room is empty, thank god, a small feeling of relief trickles through you. After the encounter where he asked you on a date, you didn't want to be alone with him due to the potential for awkwardness. 

You crept further into his office and towards his large wooden desk. His computer sat on the desk, along with some nicknacks, and a mess of scribbled notes. You start to casually open each drawer of the desk in search of the key, going from the top to the bottom. The first mostly contains more notes and papers. 

The bottom drawer requires more of a pull. You grasp the handle and yank it, it bursts open, and small white pieces of paper fly out. You pick one of the pieces up and turn it around, it's a photo. A photo of you. 

You pick up another, and another, and another. More photos of you seemingly taken without your knowledge. In fact, the whole drawer is full of photos of you.  How would someone even get these!? There's me at work, taking a walk, even, at my house… There was even one of me getting changed. HOLY SHIT. This is bad. 

You frantically pick up the photos and stuff them back into the drawer. All you could think of is the horrifying thought of him coming up into this room and being alone with you. You slammed the drawer and darted out of the room, shaking with fear. You made it back down into the main room, comforted by the presence of other people in the room again. Afton was nowhere to be seen but you trembled in possible anticipation of his presence. Dear god, what was all that, fuck, what am I gonna do?

You sped over to your coworker and she noticed the panicked look on your face.

“ Hey what the hell's going on with you? ” she asked, you were surprised that she actually cared. 

You slowed your breath in preparation for a response, “ ha…has the boss ever done anything weird to you or any of the other workers?” you ask with a desperate look on your face.

“What? No, I mean, he's a weird guy but he mostly keeps it to himself” she replied, “now go clean up that mess you were talking about before, i'm not doing your job for you.”

This is it, this is the last day of working at this place. I don’t care, I'll find another place to work, it’s not worth it. I’m sorry mom, I don’t mean to let you down but I’m honestly scared and really freaked out. 

You storm into work giving out an angered aura, you co-workers just glance at you instead of saying ‘hello’. This is the last shift I’m ever working at this shitty place, you check the schedule. FUCK. Why am I on the closing shift? I was supposed to leave a bit earlier today. 

You angrily grab your stuff and start your shift. Time goes by at a crawl. This shift lasts forever. 

Finally, the last customers leave and you finish your mopping. You put your stuff back and grab all your stuff from your locker. You feel a bit bad for not telling any of your co-workers that you're quitting, especially with such short notice. You go and knock on Mr. Afton’s office door, your heart is pounding, you don’t like confrontation and he scares the shit out of you. 

“ Come in” he mumbles in a monotone voice. 

You slowly turn the knob and enter his office, his face seems to have a surprised expression. 

“ Can I help you doll?”

“ I told you to stop fucking calling me names, I’m quitting”

He stands up and puts his hands on his desk, “What do you mean? Don’t you need the money, you can’t just quit without telling me, it's too short of notice.”

“Why the fuck do you have pictures of me in your desk”

At that very moment, he drops the facade, his face turns blank and his eyes cold. His eyes were dark, like the sky before a storm. His lips twitched, almost into a smile, which then quickly disappeared. 

“What do you mean darling?” there is something very off with his voice. 

“I fucking saw them, in your desk”

He just looks at you blankly, “BAHAHHAHAHHAHHAAHH!” 

Your face turns pale, what the hell is going on with this guy? 

“Darling, that's me showing my love for you, you don’t like it? After all I’ve done for you, you don’t like it? Why? You’re going to leave me, when you can fix me? I know that you can fix me. I’ve done horrible things but you can make them all go away. You can fix me, you can fix me…” he rambles on. He slowly stands up, his fists tightly clenched. He towers over you. 

“What the fuck is wrong with you!?” You start to make your way to the door, your back facing it as you keep eye contact with him while you fiddle trying to find the door knob.

“I’m sorry, I can’t let you leave me…”

You turn around to find the door knob. You feel a cold sensation on your head, then it turns hot. It burns. Everything is turning black. Your body feels too heavy. You fall to the ground. 

“ Don’t worry my sweet, it will all be ok.” 

Your eyes flicker open, you’re in an unfair place. It’s cold and damp, there’s a strong mildew smell in the air. 

“You’re finally awake darling, sorry my sweet I didn’t want to hurt you,” he chuckles to himself “So doll, I patched you up but I just want to make sure that you can’t get away so I made sure to tie your hands extra tight…” 

You feel bandages neatly and tightly wrapped around your head. You clench your teeth and riggle your hands to try and get them loose, your attempts are fruitless. 

“Darling don’t try and get away, you’ll only hurt yourself more”

“L-let me go w-what the fuck a-are you insane” You can’t seem to keep yourself from crying and choking on your tears.

He reaches his hand out and wipes a tear from your face, he then sticks out his tongue and licks your tear from his finger. He smiles. “Y-you’re d-delisous” he holds his cheeks with his hands. 

You spit on him. “FUCK YOU LET ME GO YOU CRAZY BITCH!”

His eyes turn dark, and he angrily grabs your face. “My love, my sweet, my darling, if you want to leave me I’m going to gut you like a fish, don’t spit on me again.”

You realize that being aggressive will get you nowhere, you have to give in to him. 

“Y-yes, s-sorry Mr. Afton..”

“That’s it darling, good pet~, Now I know you were a binder so let me help you take that off. You’re not meant to be wearing it for too long of a time you know.”

“W-wait d-don’t touch me”

“It's ok love, I’m helping you, now I’m going to untie you and you are gonna put your hands up or-” he pulls a knife out of his pocket.

You look at him, eyes wide and glassy, filled with fear. You nod your head yes quickly and he cuts the binds holding your hands in place. You reluctantly and slowly raise your arms above your head and your face turns bright red. He lifts up your sweater and begins to take off your binder. You can’t help but turn your head to look away from him.

He watches your chest closely as he slowly takes it off and moves his face closer, you can feel his breath on your skin. He licks your nipple and you wince and jump a bit not expecting the stimulation. 

“W-what are you doing”

“What does it look like I’m doing whore?”

[noforkingclue]

Her Blood Soaked Hands Chapter 1 (River Cartwright x OC)

Summary :

Naomi Heart

MI5 assassin (although really that word is just so outdated). Taverner blackmailed her into joining The Service or face prison time for a crime that she may, or may not have, done. Naomi hates having to work under Taverner but has even less desire to go to prison. Really she can see only way for her to get back her life-

Somehow make it into Slough House.

And she knows just the person to help her achieve this.

Author's Note: I wanted to go along a different route and make an OC that's a bit more... stabby than my other girls. Hope you enjoy this :)

Warnings: cannon typical violence, death (lots of death...)

Slow Horses tag list: @cillmequick

There weren’t many things that Duffy despised. Oh there were plenty of things that he hated but to loathe with a burning passion (not that he used that word too often) was far, far rarer.

Cartwright definitely made that list. An over arrogant cunt who never should’ve been made a spy in the first place. He believed that he had earned his spot due to the talents of his grandfather and not the limited ones of his own.

Taverner was next. Far too devious and would probably happily stab her own family in the back if it meant she could become First Desk. Duffy knew that she also despised, and distrusted him, so at least the feeling was mutual. Still, Duffy wanted to keep his job and Taverner was probably already plotting a way to get rid of him.

Then there was the general public. Well, specifically the public who somehow managed to get mixed up The Park’s business one way or another. They’d seen something that they shouldn’t and become snivelling wrecks. Oh well, at least the woman he was interviewing now was attractive enough to make this worthwhile.

“Ok,” he said as he led her away from the civilian emergency services, “let’s go through this one last time.”

“But I’ve already been through it with the police.” she said, a fresh set of tears pouring down her face

“Yeah, well, I need to hear it.”

“O… ok,” she sniffed once more before taking a deep breath, “I was hired to do some house sitting for the Jones’. I arrived slightly early so they could let me in-”

She cut herself off. By now Duffy and her were a suitable distance from the rest of the civilians. She had a blanket wrapped around her shoulders. She looked down at the ground and swallowed thickly. For a moment Duffy thought she was going to throw up.

“And?” Duffy said

When she looked back up any grief in her eyes and gone. She smiled widely and said,

“Well then Nick, the next thing I did was to shoot them all in the head.”

And then there was Taverner’s pet psychopath. Duffy pinched the bridge of his nose and took a deep breath. She just continued to smile and he said,

“I thought you only had one target.”

“Well you know how it is…”

“No I don’t.”

“Don’t you?” her voice lowered, “It’s not like you haven’t killed people before.”

“That’s different.”

“How?”

“It just is. You know I’m going to have to report this.”

“Oh good,” her smile widened which, although he would never say this, unnerved Duffy, “I do hope so.”

“Excuse me? Are you finished with your interview? We’re going to have to treat her for shock.”

Immediately the mask slipped back onto her face and she was led back towards the ambulance. Duffy shook his head as he watched her leave with the medics. They really had no idea who they were dealing with, did they?

Civilians.

*

Diana Taverner looked out of the glass wall of her office and surveyed her empire below her. She knew that technically it wasn’t fully hers just yet but that was just a formality. She liked it when The Park was like this. Only the night shift on duty, no major catastrophes to remedy or create. Only the quiet hush that-

Was interrupted by the drumming of fingers.

Diana looked in the reflection of the glass at the young woman lounging on the leather sofa. She glanced over at Diana and raised her eyebrows. Neither of them spoke, not wanting to be the first to shatter the peace. Eventually the younger woman sighed and said,

“Is this going to take much longer?”

Diana smirked. Another battle won. She didn’t immediately reply, continuing to observe those below her. The other woman closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

“I didn’t realise you had anywhere else to be.”

Her eyes snapped open and she glanced over at Diana.

“I do have a life outside of here.”

“Hmm.”

She narrowed her eyes at Diana’s response. Diana turned on her heel and walked towards her desk. She sat down and picked up Duffy’s report. She read through it again before looking at her over the top of it. She wondered how many times Duffy had to redraft and edit it in order to make it professionally suitable.

“How many this time, Heart?” she asked

“Why? Didn’t Duffy remember to include it in his report.”

“I want to hear your side of things.”

“Makes a change.”

“And you’d do well to remember who is in charge.”

“I remember. Dame Ingrid Tearney, right?”

Taverner’s gaze hardened for a second before a cold smile appeared on her face. She clicked her fingers and pointed to the seat opposite her. Heart didn’t move immediately but one pointed look for Taverner made her sigh and move. She collapsed into the chair and Taverner said,

“I gave you one target.”

“You did.”

“So tell me, Naomi, why are we dealing with three dead bodies.”

Naomi bit her lip and rocked back in her chair. She looked up at the ceiling and said,

“They were paedophiles?”

“Were they?”

“Would that make things better or worse if they were?” Naomi rocked forwards and rested her elbows on Taverner’s desk

“We could work with that.”

“Then no, they weren’t. They just,” she shrugged, “got in the way.”

“You know,” Taverner’s gaze flicked back to the report, “Duffy called you a liability.”

“Did he?” Naomi said in amusement

“Among other things. None of which are overly flattering.”

“Really? Did he put that down in his report?”

“He’s suggesting that you should be terminated.”

“Literally or figuratively?”

“That,” Taverner ignored Naomi’s comment, “you shouldn’t be here.”

“And what do you think.”

Naomi and Taverner locked gazes. Taverner put down the report and leant back in her seat. She steepled her fingers and said,

“That, for the meantime, you’re useful.”

“What a relief. I would hate to be a burden.”

A brief smile flashed across Taverner’s face. Naomi looked out of the window, doing the same as Taverner earlier. The Park really was at its best like this.

“So what’s going to happen now?” Naomi asked, “I’m assuming that there’ll be an investigation.”

“No need to waste time and resources on that.”

Naomi looked over at Taverner sharply. She raised her eyebrows at Naomi before turning her attention towards her computer.

“I thought-” Naomi started

“Yes?”

Taverner’s gaze locked with Noami’s and she felt her cheeks get hot under her stare.

“Nothing.”

“If you have something to say, please, feel free.”

Free.

Naomi was anything but free. Taverner had sunk her claws so deep into her that it was almost impossible for her to see a way out.

“No,” Naomi said quietly, “no comment.”

“Good.”

“I’ll be heading off then.”

“I’ll have some more work for you tomorrow.”

“It’s a Saturday,” Naomi said, “don’t I get time off?”

“Not this Saturday. Now don’t let me detain you from your very busy personal life.”

Naomi bit her tongue as she left Taverner’s office. She was used to having the upper hand in these types of situations. Diana Taverner did nothing but bring a sense of uneasiness with every conversation. She sighed as she made her way through The Park’s corridors. Hushed whispers followed her but by now she had become used to them. Her line of work was a lonely one. Others tended to avoid people like her. Even those in the same line of work didn’t talk much. Just the odd ‘hello’ here and there but apart from that, nothing.

Naomi sighed and rested against the railing as she looked down on the people below. She could feel the stares but continued to ignore them. Diana fucking Taverner. This was all her fault. Naomi had a good life before Lady Di pushed her way into it. A good job, a nice house, things that mattered. But now Taverner had her exactly where she wanted Naomi- at her beck and call.

It wasn’t as though Naomi hadn’t tried her damnedest to get out from under Taverner. Every little trick in the book she had tried and Taverner had always managed to find a way to drag her back. Really, Naomi should’ve been expecting something like this. You didn’t become Second Desk without being unhand. Maybe Taverner was grooming her to become some sort of replacement? Doubtful. Even the mere thought made Naomi wrinkle her nose.

Oh she had no desire to go to prison, not at all, but she didn’t want to be chained up here for the rest of her career.

“Did you hear about what happened the other day?”

Naomi perked up at the possibility of hearing some gossip. Gossip was a valuable form of currency at The Park. Rumours, true or not, could easily destroy someone. Always a useful weapon to have and Naomi was constantly looking for ways to upgrade her arsenal

“Was this about those fucking Slow Horses?” the second agent said as they passed by Naomi in a hurry

Well then, why didn’t she think about them earlier?

*

It had been another rough day for River. Then again, those days were becoming more and more frequent. The bad always outweighed the good in Slough House. Jackson Lamb had the uncanny ability to suck any joy out of someone's day. In the end it was just to give up.

“Excuse me, is this spot taken?” a woman said

River shook his head but didn’t bother looking over. After all, she was just going to be waiting for someone else. No one ever went looking for a Slow Horse. How long had it been since he had gone on a date? It was hard enough to get a date when working at The Park but being in Slough House just sucked every bit of energy from River. It was why he was spending his Friday night drinking alone in a bar. Always a good sign for his future.

“You’re River Cartwright.”

Now this caught River’s attention. River finally looked over at the woman who stood next to him at the bar. She smiled at him but there was a hint of… something behind it. He had seen that look before on Taverner and on Lamb. It didn’t suit someone so young and so attractive. River tried to take another sip of his pint but ended up missing his mouth and spilling part of it down his shirt.

Estuary accent. Nothing particularly remarkable although it sounded ever so slightly forced. He narrowed his eyes as he took another sip of his pint, this time the alcohol actually going into his mouth. 

“You’re in Slough House.”

So, she was definitely Service. He winced at her statement causing a flash of amusement to cross her face. It was an automatic reaction, one that he was trying (and failing) to break. Her smile widened as she edged closer. Fuck, when was the last time he had someone this close to him who wasn’t trying to kill him? However, the disarming smile and dangerous glint in her eyes was enough for River to second guess that latter bit.

“You are.” she said quietly, her breath fanning faintly across his cheek

“It’s not exactly a secret,” muttered River, “if you work where I think you work.”

She cocked her head to the side as she studied him intently.

“You want out of there.” she said bluntly

“Who doesn’t?”

River put his pint down, slightly harsher than intended. Some more of his overpriced pint sloshed out and he tried not to think about what a waste of money that was.

“Who the fuck are you and why do you give a fuck about Slough House.”

“You want out,” the mystery woman repeated, “and I want in. Maybe we can help each other out.”