#like she literally couldn’t give less of a shit lmao

[hella1975]

i got home from work last night and when i was getting dressed in the bathroom i literally fucking passed out i have NO idea why i was literally stood there and then it went black and i fell and whacked my head and my only reaction was ‘wtf’ and i came out and said to my sister ‘hey did you hear that crash just now?’ and she went ‘no fuck off’ and i was like ‘….. i mean i just fucking fainted but okay’ and she paused for a second to frown at me and just went ‘you should tell mum’ and i went ‘no <3’ and that was that and idk why that’s so funny to me but it is

[justalia]

belief

this post takes inspiration from my journey and my unconscious “positive” manifestations.

i found manifestation back in 2020, didn’t think much of it to be honest and didn’t even attempt manifesting anything because the advice i found was to affirm and persist and laziness got over me. i couldn’t be bothered to do all that. i tried once ngl, i failed and never picked it up again until 2022.

in 2022 tiktok started to popularize this shit with weird quirky methods and at the time i started to think again about an sp. i randomly desired her but we had went no contact since 2020 and i wasn’t really that bothered by her presence/absence. i started to miss her and i would ALWAYS (i know you do this too) make up scenarios that implied we were together.

now this wasn’t conscious so i wasn’t thinking i was manifesting her, i didn’t give a shit mostly cause i did not wanna reach out to her and i just wanted to make up my silly little scenarios with no consequences.

putting the scenarios to the side i started to rediscover manifestation and found the whisper method on tiktok, long story short i did it and the next day she reached out to me all of a sudden. it was so random and it made no sense based on the method i did but i took it as a conscious manifestation because i had done that method.

spoiler: i was in the state of being in a relationship with her and the 3D reflected that.

this happened again in november, i set the intention to manifest something and i scripted it. i was constantly checking the 3D and then i decided i was done with it and i would just make up my silly little scenarios about it in my head.

i had so much fun with my imagination but i didn’t even think i was manifesting shit left and right because of it. i thought the methods were doing that for me. i thought that i just had to script it as it had already happened and it would manifest. i didn’t know what states were, i had no idea what law of assumption was in the first place.

this being said you can see that i always had the habit of experiencing my desire in imagination if i couldn’t get it in the outside. i always used imagination like a kid and to be honest that did manifest some good things in my life.

the fact that it wasn’t conscious tho didn’t allow me to maintain my manifestation when it came because i was focusing on the outside reality and didn’t recognize that it was my own doing, i didn’t recognize that i was the cause of everything.

this leads me to what i wanna talk about: belief.

reading edward art’s series led me to realize what was so difficult for me in the first stages of my journey of conscious manifestation.

i started studying law of assumption and everyone talked about belief: “believe it to be true” “believe you have it” “believe imagination”.

all these things confused me so much because i was like “what? that’s crazy, why do i have to act delusional, i manifested shit before and it wasn’t this hard”.

i was just finding out the mechanism of what i always had done in the past without even realizing it.

“give it to yourself in imagination”

i swear to god if only i understood before how easy this shit was supposed to be i would’ve saved myself from a lot of heartache and troubles. i was so stressed while learning and applying the law the first times that i literally didn’t get my period for a month because of how stressed i was lmao.

and it is crazy how i always used to do it yet i found the law to be so difficult to understand at first.

now my perspective is that belief is too strong of a word, belief is just a feeling, something you feel to be true IN IMAGINATION. it’s not about the outside. IT NEVER IS. it never was and it never will be. i thank edward art because he was able to put into words what i was struggling with and when i read his series i felt understood.

belief is to strong of a word. belief is just a feeling, something i feel to be true in imagination. nothing more nothing less. saying “in imagination” i do not want to imply there is a waiting period between the 3D and the 4D being reflected, cause to be honest i don’t believe it and i’ve not experienced all the time.

yes. all you have to do to “manifest” i know it is real in imagination and discard the outer world because why would it matter if you can have exactly what you want in imagination NOW?

all is mind, there’s no reason at all to want/need the 3D to reflect in order to feel your desire to be yours.

when i unconsciously manifested with fulfillment in imagination i did not think about believing anything, i simply felt what i wanted to feel. i satisfied myself with the only way i knew: daydreaming.

but alia, i daydream all the time why doesn’t it manifest?

because you daydream then wait for something to happen. when i unconsciously manifested something just by imagining having it i wad not EVER focused on getting it from the outside, i did not give a shit about the outer world and just enjoyed imagination because i wanted to and because i could. the key is: I HAD NO EXPECTATIONS. I WAS NOT EXPECTING ANYTHING FROM MY IMAGINAL ACTS. I WAS NOT DOING ANYTHING TO CHANGE ANYTHING.

i was simply feeling what i wanted to feel.

read that again.

i was simply feeling what i wanted to feel. i was craving an experience and i decided to experience it in imagination. i thought to myself “well i can’t do anything to have it physically i don’t give a shit at this point i’m just gonna satisfy myself with imagination”

was i worried about:

is imagination enough? is it gonna reflect? is it gonna manifest? do i have it? am i doing enough?

NO I WAS NOT.

why? because i wasn’t trying to get anything in the first place!!!

i accepted that i could only have it in imagination and that i couldn’t do anything to manifest it because “the universe” would take care of it. (those were my beliefs at the time).

now i’m grateful to have found the law because i was not aware of how limitless we are and of the fact that circumstances did not matter at all and i could manifest literally ANYTHING i wanted. ANYTHING. i was still tied to logic before studying law of assumption so i didn’t fulfill every single desire i got but only the ones that were “realistic” like an sp.

and at the end of the day what even is realistic?

is manifesting an sp realistic? i don’t think so.

if you put logic into the game is it even really realistic to manifest someone to be in a relationship with you? probably not.

so if logic doesn’t apply anywhere at all in law of assumption and manifestation why would i worry about “making it happen”? all i have to do is enjoy having it in imagination.

the rest will follow like everything does.

i do not believe in the fact that there’s a time lag, i simply accept that i cannot know how imagination will be expressed and that includes the when because i don’t know which bridge of incidents i will take part in, i believe the 3D reflects imagination instantly in ways we don’t know anything of.

redirecting to the main topic:

belief is not something you should struggle with, you just have to FEEL what you want to be true in imagination, feel that you have it now, imagine yourself to have it/be it and imagine it in the most amazing way possible so that you WANT to go back to it, not because it manifests but because it is exactly what you want.

it is not your job to make anything happen on the outside, you can’t and you never will be able to.

you cannot experience it on the outside. accept this now and fulfill your desire in imagination now.

[jakeyt]

Covet: Chapter 11 (Sneak Peek)

a/n: this is only half of what this scene is in chapter 11... buuuut, this is a scene that has been imagined for a hot damn second... and i kind of went crazy with it when it came time to write it. soooo, here's a (long ass) sneak peek of the scene that's been planned as a reunion of sorts for our two (angsty) romantics <3

i hope it's enough to tide you over until chapter 11 drops. and, ohhhh friends.... chapter 11..... it's a doozy (that includes something that many have been itching for... what could it be?)

buuut, until then, here is your little taste (🤭) of chapter 11!!

Warnings: smut (18+ MINORS DNI); oral (f! receiving); pregnancy; insecurities; anxiety; slight jealousy, i guess?; pregnancy hormones out the wah-zoo lmao (emotions, libido, etc)

-🌼🌼🌼-

“Oh, so you didn’t get it out of your system with Maya that night?” You clipped, not ready to just ignore the fact that you’d had to suffer through that shit. How damn livid you’d been. 

“I was angry, and she was there for me,” he explained, before sighing deeply. You could imagine he was shaking his head with the action. “But I was thinking of you. You and your beautiful fucking body that’s growing my kid.”

God. You felt your core flex and continue to drip with arousal at his words. You were not in the mood to be the one in the right anymore. You didn’t want to be smart about your choices. . . you wanted his mouth on you and you wanted to let him do whatever the fuck he had in mind. 

It would be one time. 

And. . . .  it would technically be him helping you to benefit the baby. . . the less stressed you were, the less stress the baby felt. And God only knew how fuckin’ stressed you were lately. 

And there was only one way–one person–you wanted to relieve that right now. 

Fuck morality. 

“Who’s to say you’ll want me when you actually see me like this?” You genuinely wondered. 

You couldn’t believe you were actually giving this fucking idea any substance. There really was no way it could end well. 

But your thoughts just kept trailing to how it could end well. . . very well. . . With you moaning his name as you finished against his tongue or around his cock . . .just for tonight. And, dirty as it would be to her, technically Maya did tell him to help with whatever you needed, so it wasn’t entirely against her wishes. 

Although, you were one thousand percent sure this was not what she meant. . . . at all.

“Try me,” he challenged, voice rasping with the two daring words.

You were in no place to turn him down for such a thing. Your body was in no place to deny his help much longer. So, with wobbly legs and weak knees, you stood up. Your ass tingled, hurting just a bit and you were trying so hard to not somehow slip on any water on the shower floor. You decided to lean against the opposite wall, holding on to the plastic bar built into the middle of the longer wall, adjacent to him. 

It was clicking that he was about to see your naked body in a way he’d never seen it before. . . you needed to make sure you looked as good as you could with puffy eyes from crying and a red face from the heat of the shower.

So, you did what you could and bent one wet leg at the knee, thankfully feeling silky smooth from your shave. You worked to accentuate your curves, in a body that didn’t always feel like your own anymore. You wanted to cross your arms over your chest, but knew the pressure would hurt like a bitch if you did that. The other option was tucking them behind your back, so that was what you did, holding the plastic bar in the wall with both hands, pushing your chest up a bit with the action. 

You couldn’t conceal the whine that slipped from your lips when you crossed your thighs, pushing them together, adding a little bit of pressure where you needed it so badly. 

But, no matter how much your body felt literally pulled to him, you couldn’t help asking. . . “Are you sure about this?”

“Um, yes,” he said, no doubt in his tone at all. Though, after he said it, he paused, ready to await your words. “. . .Are you?”

Guilt was what you should’ve felt in this moment. But, right then and there, guilt was as far out of the window as it could’ve possibly been. This felt real. Natural. Nowhere near wrong any longer – only right. So fucking right. 

So, if he thought it was okay, so did you. 

“Yes,” you breathed, whining on the word without warning, your legs having rubbed together once more. Your swollen chest was heavy with each breath you took, waiting for him. 

“Let me see you,” he beckoned. 

Needing the curtains gone from between you, but scared to move and end up falling, you huffed, snorting a bit at the thought of falling again. Pregnancy and POTs were not a good combination for a clumsy-ass like yourself. 

“I’m afraid I’ll land on my fuckin’ ass if I move,” you explained, a little giggle following the words. “Um, c-can you–?”

And before you could even finish the request, the thin barrier between you suddenly vanished and. . . standing before your naked, wet body. . . was him. 

Your eyes didn’t instantly find his face, suddenly shy in front of the man who’d seen you naked so many times before. So, you focused fully on his body. He was still fully clothed, but completely there, right in front of you. 

And, from what you could tell from the outline of his dick in his dark jeans, he was definitely wanting you. He wanted to help in this special way. . .

“Oh my god,” he rasped, so low in his throat. 

Instantly, you snapped your glance from where you’d been eyeing his body to see his face. He was staring at your legs, which still looked as they had before the baby, for the most part.

But, very slowly, his eyes trailed from your legs, all the way to your midsection – a part of you that had definitely changed. Round as could be at 17 weeks along, his expression became primal; his stare, so hungry for what his eyes were feasting on that you felt it with every harsh beat of your heart.

You felt extremely vulnerable in his presence, under his gaze. Felt weak at the sound of his voice. The way you were bared completely to him, and him liking what he saw. . . made the blood in your veins red hot. 

The blush crept up on every part of you – your cheeks and chest, burning. You felt yourself becoming restless for him, your heart beating so quick you felt almost nauseous at the way his eyes had darkened. His lips stayed pursed as his jaw flexed. You felt your chest react further, as your nipples peaked at his nearness. As if sensing it, his eyes moved to watch your fuller chest, your breathing hitching on each breath. 

Time was moving in slow motion. 

And the way he bit his lip, as he finally locked his dark eyes with yours, would forever be etched in your memory.

“Holy fuck,” he breathed. “You are so—.”

The heavy beat of your heart was lodged in your throat, your breath catching. “Kiss me, Jake.”

And without question, he was stepping over the ledge of the bathtub, still fully clothed, until his boots were sloshing in the shallow puddle of water that swooshed to the drain. His hands found your body soon, chilly against your heated skin. He held your waist the best he could with the new addition of the baby bump, but still managed to hold you in such a way that you felt like he was in charge. The way he held you reminded you that you were nothing more than putty in his strong hands. 

He started leaning in, his grip on you, so firm, steady, sure. . . . 

The last time you’d seen him so close to you had been far too long ago. The night in the kitchen when you’d spilt the water, it had been too dark – and you’d been turned away from him. But, you were not turned away right now. Quite the opposite. 

No, right now, you could see every detail of his plush, pink lips as he leaned in further to you. Your heart fluttered in your chest. 

You were ready to feel his lips on yours. 

He was close enough for you to see the stubble coming in above his lip. Though, suddenly, his hands dropped from around your waist and his eyebrows dipped as he started backing away.

No no no no no please –.

“I–I can’t–,” he shook his head, now drenched from the spray of the shower. You followed his action, backing up, too, your eyes looking over his body as he stood before you, unmoving. Just far enough away to not touch each other. 

He wasn’t getting out completely, but he’d distanced himself.

Was he already regretting this? God, your heart started to split in your chest. . . you’d opened yourself completely up, only for him to decide against this – against you.

“Do you not want me?” You asked, voice mixed with hesitation and hurt. Your line of sight landed on your own feet, refusing to look at him. “Because, fuck, Jake – I told you! I told you we shouldn’t have– but now you have me fucking shaking and — goddammit, Jacob! It’s not fair for you to get me to admit those things and then bail as soon as you–!”

“Y/n,” he growled your name, commanding your eyes to land on his. His stare was no different than before. The irritation was flaring, again, though. Just a bit. You could tell. He stepped closer by one step. “I’m not going to fucking bail. I told you I wanted to please you and I plan on keeping my damn promise. I want to taste you so badly. . . I just– ugh.”

Your pulse was pounding in your ears, your chest hot and your heat clenching at nothing. . . You didn’t know how to respond. 

You continued to buzz with anticipation that wouldn’t dissipate in the dense, humid air of the shower. Doing the only thing you could do, you decided to admire what was in front of you. 

His shirt was opened to the middle of his abdomen on what you knew to be a chilly December evening, daring him to catch a damn cold. 

But. . . the sight made you anything but cold–no, seeing his perfectly toned chest heaving and soaking wet. . . it made your entire body flame. His shirt was light blue, the water soaking through the material to make it nearly transparent. It gave you a glimpse at everything beneath his shirt. . . You saw his toned pecs that you needed to put your hands on again. You needed to feel the smooth skin of his chest–with your hands, tongue. . . anything. 

Needed to feel him. 

So, you did what your body told you to do at that moment. 

Taking one wary step forward, you reached your hand out slowly, letting him stop you if he needed to. But, he didn’t stop you. When you glanced up at his face to read his reaction, he was watching your hand move, mouth agape at the action. You could feel his warm breath on your cheek as you took one more step towards him. Without any more thought, you placed your delicate hand on the exposed part of his tanned chest. And, daring to feel more, you slid your palm underneath his button-down shirt to feel one of his toned pecs.

His breath caught at the motion. 

It felt like home to be touching him like this again.

His chest flexed under your hand with the sharp intake of breath. Your breath was choppy, too, not daring to breathe too harshly to scare him away. This moment felt so eerily similar to a moment so long ago – that damn game night. The moment you’d been dared by a stupid ass card game to touch him.

But this time–this time felt worlds different. 

There was history–a baby–between the two people in this moment of time and you knew how to read his body. 

So, it was no surprise to you when he took a step forward, nearly meeting the front of your body with his. You knew it was going to happen before it did; you knew that his hand would reach up to touch your chest as well. 

You watched his hand as he followed through. Though, he didn’t touch your breast like you expected. No, he balanced his hand right above your heart, where it beat furiously for him. 

“Jake,” you begged, his name saying everything you couldn’t say. Your thighs rubbed together of their own accord, desperate. “Please.”

And there it was. His hand immediately went to hold your full, sore breast. It was like a weight was lifted off your chest, literally. You were finding that the only relief your chest could find was from his touch. 

Your legs continued to work at creating friction with every movement of his gentle massage on your breast. The way your chest heaved, nipple so sensitive and taut beneath his palm, your body was pleading for more. Still. You needed more. His hand moved away from the nipple and he held the underside of your left breast.

“Jake,” you were whining, outright. It was pitiful as hell. But – you couldn’t give two flying fucks. 

“I–I can’t kiss your lips,” he explained, voice gravelly and low above you, floating directly to your ear. You looked up, waiting for him to continue. There was more he wanted to say, it was obvious. “That’s–I have to keep something that is unique and sacred to my relationship. Does that make sense?”

“Yes.” It did. It made complete sense and you admired his feeble attempt at saving something for her. . . but, you couldn’t help that it cracked your heart the slightest bit that you weren’t able to feel his lips against yours. 

The tears were welling in your eyes all on their own–couldn’t stop them if you tried. Although, you couldn’t tell if they were from baby hormones or an honest result of the new crease left in your heart at him so obviously not being yours. 

He belonged to her – not to you. And the lack of kissing was a painful, blatant reminder of that.

Kissing him had been something so normal and familiar only a few months ago, you could have kissed him any time you wanted (well, almost any time. . . but still). And . . . you’d given that up. 

Given him up. 

So what could he do?

“What can you do?” Your voice broke with the wetness in your throat, a tear stupidly trickled down your face. 

His grip on your breast stayed firm, his hand kneading the supple flesh just right. “You okay, honey?” He asked, meeting your question with his own. He reached a hand up to hold your cheek and swipe a few more stray tears. “Shhh,” he hushed gently as his hand still worked to soothe your heavy chest. 

You sniffled, body sparking, growing goosebumps rapidly at the way he was stimulating you so deliciously. Your thighs worked hard to ease the throb between your legs. Playing it off the best you could, you offered him a half-assed response. “Don’t ask me why the tears are happening–it’s–it’s the baby hormones,” you sniffed again, willing the tears to go away. 

Thankfully, they did. And, after they’d subsided, he went to touch your other breast, your hand still on his chest, now clawing at his skin with each measured press of his hand at your aching breasts. Your hand trailed up to hold his neck, thumb smoothing at the flesh behind his ear. God, you’d missed holding him and you really loved that spot behind his ear. . . couldn’t explain it. 

“How does it feel?” He soothed, licking his lips once at a sigh you emitted with one particular graze to your tight nipple.

“So fucking good,” you grit out, your hand gripping gently at the roots of his long hair, darkened and soaking wet from the water flowing from the showerhead. “How do you know how to–? They hurt when anyone else holds them. . . but not with you– how?”

“I don’t know,” he replied with a hoarse chuckle. “I have been doing research on how to–,” he coughed, his other hand coming to join the one on your chest, doing his best to give equal treatment to both of your tits. And dammit if he wasn’t doing the best fucking job at it.

You gasped a whine at the additional pressure, his dark eyes finding yours as soon as you’d made the sound. The smile you gave him was bashful, cheeks flaring a deep pink in the soft moment.

He continued his words as he worked his hands so intentionally against your swollen, aching chest. “I’ve been reading on how to pleasure pregnant women– what to do to make them feel better. . . since your body’s changing and shit. And you told me that your tits have been sore, so I’ve been reading on how to help that specifically. I didn’t think I’d get to try it out on you – but, here we are,” he smirked, his eyes connecting with yours once more as he raised a brow. 

Didn’t think he’d ‘get to try it out on you’. 

You blushed, his eyes going back to watching your tits as he softly swirled a thumb on your nipple, you moaned, following his eyes with your own. God bless America. Watching him do it was worse. Your nerves were on fire and you felt your muscles tighten at your core, needing his touch in a million places at once.

“And, when pregnant women have sore tits, it apparently helps to massage them,” he continued, informing you of his research. “So, I thought I’d try that.”

“What else did you find in your research?” You asked, watching his hands move just so, his thumbs rubbing purposefully light circles around and over your nipples. Fuuuck yes.

“For sore tits or overall pleasure?” He pondered, eyebrow raising again as he caught your line of sight. 

“Pleasure,” you breathed, feeling his hands come to a devastating halt on your chest, smoothing over your sides before he dropped them. 

Goddammit, Jake. Don’t stop. 

“Well, I know that some pregnant women really like being touched and have a pretty high libido,” he paused, bringing his hands up to push his soaking wet hair back. Your hand dropped from behind his head. “But I also found that other pregnant women experience the exact opposite – have an aversion to sex.” He eyed you, squinting with a knowing smirk. “I could probably guess which type you are by how much you loved that just now, but . . . I want you to tell me. High libido or low?”

“Well,” you paused, your legs suddenly feeling like Jell-o. So, not wanting to fall or some shit, when he’d successfully pushed his hair back, you reached both hands up to wrap around the base of his head, your fingers working at your own massage on him. “I–I haven’t really felt a high libido for anyone but you. . . I don’t think I’d want it from anyone else right now. . . So, I don’t know what that makes me. High, maybe?” You pondered aloud, wanting his opinion of your predicament. “. . .If I only want you, a high libido for you?”

“Fuck. Are you serious?” You watched one hand reach between you to rub against the strain at his zipper. The other hand came to your hip, pulling you into him further.

He brought you as close as you could come with a new belly in the middle. He glanced down at the growing bump, his eyes gazing at it, so gently. He didn’t reach to touch it—not yet. . . Seeming to wait on you for permission, but not saying it. But. . . you just felt now was not the right time.

So, instead, you surveyed him.

The sight of him admiring your belly was almost too much to process. . . He was looking so carefully and affectionately — he got it. He felt it.

You sniffed, biding your tears the best you could. And at the sniff, his eyes flicked to you. . . His stare said something you thought daily.

That’s my baby, he seemed to say with only a simple twinkle in his eye. His dark irises became so light, his under eye circles seemed to disappear with the wonder in his stare.

He winked at you and sent you into a minor frenzy. As your heart worked to pick back up, he began moving his hand down to your ass to pay attention to the muscle you’d told him was sore earlier.

Your sighs filled the air, your senses overwhelmed by him. He rasped his next question, back on the topic from earlier, voice so low between the two of you. “You only want me?”

“Only you,” you confirmed, the honest words brushing against his face with your quiet, sighed response. 

“So, if I were to be wanting to. . . help you, you know. . . you’d say you have a high libido?” 

“So fucking high.”

“Thank fucking God,” he growled. And with one more push of his hand against himself, he moaned under his breath, and with one more squeeze to your ass, he grasped both of your hips, holding you to him tightly. Your belly, pressed between the two of you, still so foreign in a moment like this.

“Well, there are countless positions to try, but right now I can’t really–.”

“Don’t tell me you’re going to cut it off at all of the other shit, too,” you said, backing away from him, his hands dropping from you as you let go of his neck. “No kissing, so what’s next? What can’t you do? You never answered that.”

He started unbuttoning his sopping wet shirt. And when it was finally completely off, he reached up to drape it across the bar of the shower head. Your eyes tracked every. single. movement. The way his bicep rippled slightly with the stretch, the way his tanned abdomen flexed. . . every muscle, so beautiful in its prominence beneath his soft skin. 

When he was back from his task and looking at you again, shirtless and solid as a brick wall, you couldn’t help but let your eyes wander. He cleared his throat, bringing your attention to his face once more. The smirk on his lips and the way his eyebrow was arched pissed you the fuck off. Was this amusing to him?

“You think it’s funny? How turned on I am and you can’t do a damned thing about it? Even though you led me to believe you could?”

“Who said I couldn’t?”

“You just said you can’t–.”

“You didn’t let me finish, y/n,” he reasoned. “I was going to say I can’t do that right now because I need to focus on you before we get to sex.”

‘Before we get to sex’. . . was he planning on . . . more? 

Deciding to ignore that dangerous train of thought for the time being, you huffed, your arms still crossed at the top of your slightly rounded abdomen. “Well, I’m just confused.”

“The only thing I told you I can’t do is kiss your lips,” he reminded you, the calloused pad of his thumb coming up to briefly touch your plush lips. His eyes followed his action, your lips still pursed in annoyance as you challenged him with your expression and stance.

But you were wavering by the second, especially any time your eyes followed a drop of water from his shoulder, all the way to the waistband of his dark jeans. And every time you caught sight of the raging erection in his jeans. . .

“Y/n.”

Embarrassed and flushed, you flicked your eyes back to his face. You covered it up with indignance and frustration, your arms tightening in their position. “What, Jake?”

“I will do anything else you need,” he reassured, taking a tentative step towards you, boots clicking against the floor of the tub – where you’d managed to press yourself against the opposite wall of the shower. Your body betrayed you, your nipples once again peaking at his proximity. “And. . . I never said I can’t kiss other parts of your body. I can very much kiss you. . . elsewhere,” his eyes trailed to where your thighs were still pressed to relieve the persistent pulse of your center.

“Goddammit, Jacob,” you breathed with a roll of your eyes, arching yourself off of the wall towards him, just in time for him to meet you halfway. “You should have said that.”

His eyes bugged, a smile tugging at the corners of his lips until a bright white smile appeared in a laugh. “I tried! You didn’t let me.”

He wrapped his arms around you, pulling you tightly to him, your belly between you not letting you get quite as close as you used to.

“Then do something–please.”

He leaned forward, kissing behind your ear, right where you liked to kiss him. Then, he trailed his mouth down the column of your throat. He alternated pecks and open mouthed kisses, all the way to your shoulders, collarbones. . . You sighed, completely at his mercy. When he found your left breast, he gave it the most attention. 

He licked around the sensitive nipple of your left breast, mirroring it with the right. At which, he elicited a moan from you that quickly progressed into a very whiny wail. “Fuck! Fuck, yes!” You cried, grasping his wet hair, not sure how to stop yourself if you fell – your shaking knees were bound to betray you, you could feel it. “This is so fucking wrong.”

“I. Don’t. Care,” he growled against the wet, supple skin of your breast. Every word, emphasized with a lick around your tender, hardened flesh.

Your train of thought was halted as you lost all thought in your brain at him full-on kissing your nipples, rather than giving them little kitten licks. No, now he was giving them kisses just like he would your mouth. Tongue and all. You were going to finish from this alone. . . You watched him in pure astonishment, his eyebrows knit in concentration. Then, as if things could get any worse (better?) he moaned – the action vibrated against your skin.

Your hips jolted up into his. Both of you groaned in unison at the contact, his hard dick enticing you as you felt it, only a thin barrier of clothing between you. . . You felt yourself flex at nothing, your thighs feeling the wet result of your arousal.

You knew you were damn close to finishing.

“Don’t cum yet,” he commanded, mumbling around your nipple.

Of course he knew you were on the verge.

Your nipples, usually so fucking sore, felt like they were made of sparklers, electric under his soft mouth. “‘M not done yet.”

“But– I can’t– a-ah-ah!,” you moaned, your body beginning to lose its fight to stand up straight, near to giving out. “I can’t hold on for much longer, Jake. Please. I promise I’ll cum again for you,” you swore, your fingers lacing tightly into his long, chestnut locks. “Please, baby.”

The pet name slipped from your lips without thought of repercussion. But, you didn’t really care that you’d let it slip since it didn’t seem to deter him. In fact, it had spurred him on even more. 

“Not yet,” he bit out, his dark eyes meeting yours from their place at your full breasts. 

Then, he winked, making you throb from that gesture alone. Fuck. You were a goner. You weren’t sure you could do as he said. 

He went back to giving your body kisses, this time trailing back up to your face, little pecks covering every expanse of skin on your flushed face. Then, with one gentle kiss to the tip of your nose, he reached a hand up to hold your cheek.

His eyes held yours, open and vulnerable under his stare. So soft, he spoke to you with fervor in his tone. “I promise it’ll be better if you just wait, baby.”

Him returning the pet name didn’t help matters and only made you more desperate to fall apart.

So, rather than saying anything in return, you decided you’d try your best to follow his instructions. The only thing you could think to do was pinch your eyes shut and lay your head against the wall in frustration. “Fine,” you griped, hands tightening in his hair. 

His mouth worked, venturing down once again, giving sloppy kisses from your collarbones all the way to your hips.

Once there, his hands replaced his mouth and started kneading at your hips as his mouth kept moving downward. His hands did a stellar job at holding you against the wall to prevent a fall.

His hold on you was strong and intent. And, while holding you, as he simultaneously massaged your hips. . . it was fucking heaven. His thumbs moved and pressed with purpose, working the tired muscle at your joints. 

Fuck– he really had done his research to know that your hips could hurt like a bitch. And God knew yours did. 

“My hips– Jake, god. . . thank you,” you sighed, your eyes closing at the way your body felt weightless under his hands and mouth. 

Suddenly, his mouth was on your thighs, going back and forth between each leg until he reached your calves, his hands having to move down your legs with the action, still holding you upright as he knelt before you.

You opened your eyes, suddenly desiring to see him again, and you watched as he gave your legs unrelenting attention. 

You watched in wonder as he very slowly started to work his way up to where you needed him most. But, once he got there, he gave you a look that made your knees buckle. . .

Then, he began on you, wasting absolutely zero time. There was no warning for his mouth meeting your searing hot, wet heat. 

“Oh-oh-oh, J-Jake, f-fuck, yes!” You were nearly incoherent, but who would expect any different when you had Jake Kiszka making out with your wet and waiting pussy.

You’d been aching and waiting to have this again for so fucking long. . .The slew of curse words and moans that escaped your lips were useless, as they all came out as jumbled non-words. Utterly incoherent.

He was doing figure eights with his tongue, inching closer and closer to your opening, not even daring to edge towards your clit yet. Didn’t want you to fucking finish yet, goddammit. 

You clenched your jaw, a growl coming from your lips, unable to do anything but watch him. Your eyes couldn’t dare leave the sight in front of you. He was taking his time to lap at your folds, soaked and fluttering for him. Your hips jerked forward, not able to stop the way his lips and tongue were setting you on fire to the point of retaliation. 

You were trembling, your body not working on its own at all to hold you up. You were dependent on his death grip, now back on your hips, steadying you. He was pressing you so hard to the wall – you fucking hoped that he left bruises in the wake of his fingertips. 

He kept on with his work for a bit longer before the water started turning cold. Fuck no. 

And, of course, as if on cue, Jake backed away, wiping the corners of his mouth with the pad of his right thumb, his left hand still holding you to the wall. 

“I swear to god, Jacob Thomas, if you fucking stop because of some cold wa– oh!” 

He was back to licking up every bit of early release at your heat, flattening his tongue against your slit. You couldn’t catch a breath to finish what you were saying as he replaced his tongue with his fingers. He twirled his pointer and middle fingers through your soaking folds, until he met your entrance.

But, he stopped there. 

And you knew why. He could tell you were cold – obviously shivering from more than his mouth and hands. 

He could read you so well. You didn’t know if it was because of the connection you had to him by carrying his baby or what, but his instincts of your impending reactions came incredibly quick in recent days.

As he spoke, he kept his fingers at your core, spinning them to continue eliciting stimulation. The calluses of his fingertips were the perfect addition of friction to your swollen heat. . . you bit your lip, your head laying against the shower wall. You could barely concentrate on the fact that he’d begun talking.  

“You’re shaking, y/n,” he clarified, as if you didn’t know. 

Which, in true fashion, pissed you off. But, still hazy from his ongoing touch, you closed your eyes to center yourself. 

When you leaned off of the wall the best you could, you opened your eyes. Instantly, it felt like you were going to slip with the movement. But, just when your foot dared to lose balance, his hold on your hip tightened. His fingers were still spinning against you, just on the precipice of entering you. So, you were sure he’d felt your walls flutter at the way he grasped you.

But, he didn’t say anything. He was too focused on your chilliness and your center, your body straight-up shaking from the now-cold water. Turning around, fingertips still tucked between your folds–still not fucking inside of you yet–, he switched the shower off. 

“Jake!” You complained for no reason whatsoever. Well. . . you knew why you were complaining. You were worried. “Please, don’t let this be the–.”

“I’ve kept my fingers where they are to show you I’m not fucking done,” he responded, tone equally lacking tolerance for your attitude. “Can you just be fucking patient?”

“You’re not being patient!” 

“How in the hell am I not being patient?!” 

“Your voice tells me so,” you argued, hearing the way it sounded ridiculous as soon as you said it. You shook your head, body shaking from the cool nip of the bathroom air and your soaking wet body. He was also trembling, his body nearly as wet as yours. 

He removed his fingers, further aggravating you. . . but you couldn’t stay mad for long as he was eliciting a gasp from you, yet again, within seconds. You watched as he removed his fingers from you, bringing them up to his mouth to suck your arousal from them. Closing his eyes and moaning in the process, his opinion of the way you tasted apparent. 

Holy fucking hell. 

“Taste good?” You asked, trying to sound snarky, but failing from the way your breath had escaped your lungs. 

When his fingers left his mouth, he slowly started to stand, eyes connecting to and never leaving yours. His grip on your hip not giving up a single bit in the process. Once he was standing at full height again, he slid the shower curtain open, eyes staying hooked on yours.

He grabbed the towel hanging on the wall rack, momentarily leaving your gaze. But, as soon as he had the towel in his hands, his eyes snapped back to your waiting stare. 

“Fucking delicious. You taste better than anything – always have. . . No other woman compares. But. . . it’s–it’s even more-so now,” he paused, releasing your hip and motioning for you to come towards his arms with the fluffy, waiting towel. You turned your back to him, his breath sliding through his teeth. “Your ass. . . Fuck it all.”

You giggled, feeling so incredibly wonderful for the first time in so long. Holding your arms out a little, he wrapped the towel at your back and handed you the rest to finish wrapping yourself. 

He kept talking as you cinched the white towel around yourself, your breasts not appreciating the way you tucked the material tight around your chest. You winced at the feeling, pissed with the fact that your body was so sore.

Jake’s eyebrows knitted together in worry. “You okay?”

You nodded grumpily. “Yes,” you grumbled. “It’s my boobs. They just hurt.”

There was no missing the way he bit his lip, licking them soon after before he responded. “I’ll help you feel better, baby. Don’t worry.”

The buzzing in your veins was impossible to ignore, and you didn’t trust yourself to give a valid response with how lightheaded he was making you feel. 

All you could do was nod, eyes hopefully communicating your excitement. 

“Anyway, I read about the taste of a woman’s release, too. . . when women are pregnant, they have the tendency to taste sweeter than usual. And I can safely assure you, it’s the motherfucking truth,” his voice was hoarse with the last sentence. He kept on, locking his Amber-brown irises with yours. “And it’s fuckin’ erotic that you taste like the sweetest thing while you’re growing my baby. . . I can’t even explain it, y/n.”

You were positively twitching, your body threatening to unravel at any given moment. Now warm from the towel, you knew most of your shivering was solely from him. 

“You don’t have to. I get how hot it is. Trust me,” you assured, your mouth dry from it hanging open at his words.

Swallowing purposefully, you shook your head before stepping out of the shower. And, once you’d towel-dried your body enough, you bent to tie the towel around your hair, turning away from him. As you made your way to the mirror, leaving him to check yourself, you realized just how red your face was. “Ah! God, Jake, I look like fuckin’ Elmo.”

He belly laughed at that, the sound making your tummy ignite in a swarm of happy butterflies. “No you don’t. Trust me,” he said, still giggling at what you’d said. “. . . ‘look like Elmo’. You’re fucking hilarious.”

Not able to help the laughter bubbling in your chest either, you turned to face him to enjoy the moment together. 

Well—.

You first saw all of his soaked clothes, in a neat pile ready for the laundry, next to him. His belt, rolled tight on the toilet seat. 

And, Jake, completely naked. 

Your body reacted immediately, suddenly ready for the most. Your tone was way too eager when an inward ponder was spoken aloud. “Are we going to have sex?”

Dear God, y/n.

He smirked, shaking his head as he leaned past your naked body to get in the cabinet under the sink for the spare towel you kept underneath the sink. His fingers brushed your ass in the process and you didn’t want to discuss how quickly his touch heated your skin. You turned away from him, leaning towards the mirror to check out the two pesky spots on your face that threatened a pimple. 

“Was that on purpose?” You shot the other question his way, followed by a statement of your own. “My ass has increased in size, just like the rest of me, so . . . wouldn’t be surprised if it wasn’t on purpose and just because it’s huge.”

“It was most definitely on purpose,” he replied, causing you to lean back so you could give him your full attention. The response made your cheeks blush crimson red, barely visible through your slowly lightening skin.

When you swiveled his way, you found him towel drying his hair, his dick still fully erect and tempting the fucking hell out of you. You bit your lip, and he continued on, eyes closed as he focused on drying his hair. God, he was so handsome. “And I don’t know what you mean by the rest of you increasing in size or huge. God. You aren’t huge by any standard, and all I’ve noticed increase in size are the three things I enjoy watching as they get bigger.”

You flushed, turning away once more to work on towel drying your own hair before you left the steamy room. You’d want the towel to wrap up in the chilly hallway. 

Suddenly intrigued by the fact that you were talking so openly with him, you kept going. “The Three B’s? Boobs, belly, butt?”

Jake was laughing again at that, his snort unmistakable, even as you were bent awkwardly at the waist to towel dry your own hair. “Yes,” he chuckled, lighthearted. “That is correct. Did you make that up?”

Damn, I missed this, your mind absently trailed. He was everything wrapped in one.

“I don’t know,” you smiled, your body buzzing with all things him. “You didn’t answer my sex question.”

“No sex,” he promptly replied. Your heart fell, but obviously being oblivious to it, he kept on. “I’ve got a job to finish tonight that doesn’t include my dick.”

“What if I want it to include your dick? Aren’t you doing this to please me?”

How had the conversation just picked up like you’d never stopped being the two of you? The awkward air that had persisted, on and off since the wretched day in the kitchen in August — it was seeming to float away day by day with his knowledge of the baby in your belly. 

But, before that line of thought could run off, he was responding to you. 

“Are you saying you weren’t pleased with what I started in there just now?”

“Of course I fucking was, Jake,” you rolled your eyes. “But, still–.”

“You just answered the question yourself.”

You huffed with a roll of your eyes.

“Would you just finish drying your fucking hair so I can continue eating you out?”

The way your body temperature rose inexplicably at his words was not something you wanted to admit to, so you went with a simple response to keep you on level ground with him, rather than a quivering mess. 

“Aye aye, captain.”

Another snort, followed by a chuckle. “Shut the fuck up.”

“We’re not naming our baby Black Beard,” you stated jokingly, standing up to full height, eyeing him. “I know you love pirates and I love watching the documentaries with you, but. . .,” you grinned at him.

“God, fuck no,” he wrinkled his brow, shaking his body in an air of distaste. “We don’t hate the baby. We love the baby.”

And, for the umpteenth time that evening, your heart rate spiked ridiculously high. 

He loves the baby.

-🌼🌼🌼-

a/n: hmmm... Reader is convinced it’s a one time thing. buuuut does Jake? how do you think things will go in the bedroom once we've left the bathroom? ;)

Taglist:

@joshym, @gretavanfleetposts, @alyson814, @fretaganvleet, @lallisonl, @writingcold, @gvfpal, @twinszka, @jessicafg03, @reesetrippingthelight, @sacredjake, @laurenlovesgretavanfleet, @gretavangroove, @222headedcalf, @dreamssingold, @carbondancingthroughtime, @raviolilegs, @way-to-go-lad, @jakekiszkasmommy, @katgvf, @objectsinspvce, @jaketlover, @vanfleeter, @thetroublegetssoloud71, @seditabets, @jakekiszkapunchmeintheface, @jaketlove, @ohgodthefeeling-gvf, @starcatcher-jake, @anythingforjtk, @lucimoo, @indigostreakmorgan, @gretavanbear, @katelynn-gvf, @alwaysonthemend

@aintthatapity, @bowievanfleet, @fwzco, @takenbythemadness, @cherry-icecreamsmile, @laneygvf, @hi-hi-hello11, @sinarainbows, @jakesbarbarian, @mybussyinchrist, @becinabubblegvf, @heckingfrick, @danigvf, @pinkandsleepy1934, @derrangeddumpsterfire, @klarxtr, @josh-iamyour-mama, @abby-gvf, @cassyface, @gretavansabotage, @sacredtheslay, @alienobsever, @hollyco, @age0fwagner, @raceb14, @stardustcatcher, @styles-canvas, @ladywhimsymoon, @earthgrlsreasy, @peaceloveunitygvf

@torniturntomyarrow, @joshsbonnet, @llrosee, @starshine-gvf, @itsafullmoon, @gvfmarge, @creadliz98, @mackalah, @lek-gvf, @carlyfleet, @profitofthedune, @mefiorini, @welllauragvf, @highway-tuna, @dont-go-home-without-me, @sarah-gvf01, @polemicandcontent, @ageofbajabule, @texas-bbq-pringles, @builtbybrokenbells, @sacredtheslay

(please remind me that you wanna be tagged if i forgot to tag you!)

[heavyhitterheaux]

Play (Based on the song by David Banner, NSFW 18+)

First Lady of Private Garden Fic

AN: Imma head out to take a bath in holy water lmao enjoy my heauxs!

Synopsis: You can't be with Jack for his entire tour and since this is the first time that this has happened, you come up with a bright idea that will hopefully hold him over. That idea involves a camera and your best friend Urban. 

Pairing: Husband!Jack Harlow x Wife!Reader, Urban Wyatt x Best Friend!Reader

Requested by: a lot of my beautiful readers 😘💖

Please Do Not Repost My Content Anywhere

DO NOT ENGAGE IF YOU ARE NOT 18+

There was about a week to go until Jack's Creme De La Creme tour was kicking off and you couldn't have been more excited for your husband. However, he had been in his feelings ever since you had told him that you wouldn’t be on tour with him for the entire time. Majority of it, yes, but still in his feelings nonetheless. Your heart broke at the sight of his solemn expression when you told him that there were a few dates that you would have to miss.

"Baby, it's only a few shows." You said while trying to reassure him, but he wasn't having any of it.

"A few shows my ass."

"Smush!"

"What!? You’re basically divorcing me."

"Jackman! That's a little dramatic don't you think? It is literally less than five shows."

"Not the point. You know I want you near me at all times."

"I know my baby. However, I trust Urby will keep you in check…. Actually I take that back. I don't trust either of you alone. The two of you are always doing something."

"Neelam is our chaperone."

"Mm hmm. I trust her about 15%."

"I know you remember the look on her face when you almost beat her ass, I doubt that she ever wants to be in that position again. She knows better and you should give her the benefit of the doubt."

"I'm getting there. I can at least take being in the same room as her."

"She's trying baby girl."

"She wouldn't have to if she didn't pull that stupid ass shit."

"Okay anyway. Moving on."

A few minutes had passed and Jack noticed how you were staring at him.

"Take a picture. It'll last longer."

"That's it."

"What's it?"

Jack pulled you onto his lap and you were simply smiling at him.

"What if we make a little video for when I'm not on tour with you?"

Jack then got a startled look on his face and you couldn't do anything but laugh.

"I'm listening."

"Whatever you want me to do, I'll do it."

"Baby, don't tell me that if you aren't about to back it up. You know how your ass likes to run."

"I promise, baby. Whatever.You.Want." You leaned down while whispering in his ear. 

"Hmm let's get started!" Jack said while flipping you onto your back so that you were underneath him.

"Wait, babe."

"What am I waiting for!?

“First off, we haven’t set up the camera. Second, I umm kind of have a request. But it’s okay if you say no.”

“What you want to request, baby girl? Choking? Spitting? Spanking? Cream pie? Actually that’s my request but go ahead.”

“Urban.” You quietly said while breaking eye contact with your husband.

“Excuse me? Come again?”

“I want Urban to film it and be in it. But, only if you feel comfortable enough. I get it if you say no.”

All Jack did was get a more confused look on his face trying to take in what you had just told him.

When he was quiet and didn’t say anything, you immediately went into an explanation hoping that it would make sense to him. 

“I’ll explain why. The other day when Urban had met up with some girl, he came back and told me all about it and well… I had a thought. That I wanted to have both of you at the same time and whatever he did to her, I want both of you to do to me. And like I said… whatever.you.want. I have multiple holes for a reason. You know that there are very few things that I’m not comfortable with so you and Urby can have at it.”

Jack was quiet for a few seconds taking everything in that you had just told him.

“The thought of having one of you in my mouth while the other is sucking on my clit is doing things to me. So, baby, I need an answer.”

“Yes, on one condition.”

“Anything, baby.”

“I want to watch him fuck you first.”

After you had gotten your confirmation from your husband, you went to find your best friend who was messing with his camera on the couch in the living room. You simply moved everything to the side and sat directly in his lap with him looking at you as if you had lost your mind.

“Uh? Can I help you?”

“Actually you can, bestie.”

“What is it now? I am NOT going with you to buy another vibrator. We were gone for three hours trying to find the perfect one that was up to your standards.”

“Don’t worry, it’s not that, but it is something else along those lines.” You answered while taking a strand of Urban’s hair and twirling it around your finger. 

“Y/N, out with it already. What do you need? I can always tell when you want something.”

“I know that you’ll do absolutely anything for me.”

“Within reason and if it’s something that won’t get us killed or arrested.”

“Well this has nothing to do with that.”

“Baby girl, say what you need and stop stalling.”

You took a deep breath before finally answering Urban. 

“I want you to fuck me. Senselessly if we’re being honest.”

Urban’s eyes went as big as saucers as he was looking at you. He promptly slid you off of his lap and immediately jumped up in disbelief.

“Uh! One little issue or should I say big issue! You’re married to my best friend! Or did you suddenly forget? My best friend who is UPSTAIRS as we speak!”

“I know.”

“YOU KNOW?!?! THEN WHY ARE YOU ASKING ME?! I DO NOT CONDONE CHEATING IN THE HARLOW HOUSEHOLD! DO YOU WANT YOUR HUSBAND TO KILL ME!?"

“Urby calm down, I want both of you at the same time until I am a sticky, crying, whining mess that can barely walk.”

“There is no way Jack agreed to this. This has to be some sort of prank you’re pulling on me.”

“But he did.”

“I don’t believe you. As jealous as your husband can get? If someone looks at you for too long he's ready to kill them.”

“Hmm, fine. Ask him yourself. BABY! COME HERE!”

Jack came down the steps and into the living room to where the both of you were and saw the look of disbelief on Urban’s face.

“He give you an answer yet? I just have to get a few things and it’s a go.”

“AN ANSWER FOR WHAT?!”

“Since baby girl won’t be on tour with us the entire time she came up with the idea. She wants you to film it so it’s something I can take with me.” Jack answered as he came up behind you and wrapped his arms around you. 

“I-.....”

“And she wants you in it.”

“Oh. She really wasn’t playing.” You simply shook your head no while looking at him.

“Ehh I don’t know. The last thing I need is you kicking my ass. And we know how jealous and territorial you get over your wife. I’m getting flashbacks to when we were 17. I just knew you were about to kill me then and all I was doing was admiring her outfit.”

“I agreed to it so it’s 100% fine. If I didn’t, we wouldn’t be having this conversation. She said anything we want is fair game. Within limits of course.”

Urban was quiet for a few minutes weighing his options.

“Come on Urby. Just imagine me a sticky, crying, whining mess underneath of you.” You said while brushing a hand through his curly hair.

“If I say yes, I have one request or maybe two.”

“Anything. Nothing is off limits for my two favorite people in the world.”

“Jack might not like to be deep-throated, but I do.”

“Consider it done. What else?”

“I’ll save that one as a surprise.”

“Oh, and I should tell you…” Jack started to say while looking at Urban.

“What?”

“She agreed to have you fuck her first while I watch.”

—

“Urban, you look nervous.” You said as you were watching him set up his camera.

“I’m not.” He proceeded to say while peeking over at you and you couldn’t help but to stifle a laugh.

“You sure about that?” Jack asked observing the exact same thing.

“Come to think of it, I don’t think that there’s ever been a time when I’ve seen you nervous because you definitely are. So you can stop with the bullshit. Besides, it’s your best friends and you have nothing to be nervous about.”

“Oh, I know I don’t have anything to be nervous about. You’re the one who should be nervous.”

“Oooh Mr. Wyatt talks a good game. I would love to be able to see you back it up.”

“I’ve never disappointed you in anything else have I?”

“Well, no.”

“And you’ll find out soon enough.”

“Hurry up and start recording.”

“Is there something else important you have to do?”

“No.”

“Then stop rushing me so I can make sure that everything is right.”

You then looked over at your husband who had a small smirk on his face.

“What is your ass smiling about now?”

“I have another request and I want for you to do this first as soon as Urb gets everything set up.”

“Hmm, I’m listening.”

“First I need you in that purple lingerie set that I bought you. Then I want you to touch yourself and use your vibrator before either of us touch you.”

“I love the way you think.”

—-

As promised, once Urban had everything set up it was a done deal. You were in one of Jack's favorite lingerie sets like he had asked and was now in the center of the bed, vibrator in hand with the camera facing you.

"Damn, baby, I can see how wet you are from all the way over here. Who got you that wet?" Jack said while admiring the scene in front of him.

"Only the two of you."

"And make sure you spread those fucking legs. I want to be able to see that pretty pussy."

You did as you were told and began to trace small circles along your clit imagining that it was Jack or Urban doing it.

Both of them were dead silent with their eyes on you wanting to take in the sight of your body being displayed for them.

As soon as you entered your pink vibratory inside of you, you could have swore that you heard a small moan slip out from in between Urban's lips.

"Spread your legs wider mamas. Don't get shy on us now. You wanted me to record this so I expect for you to do as you're told. You said anything that we want right?" Urban inquired as you increased your movements and let out a soft moan.

"Don't you start that shit. Answer him." Jack piped up. 

"Yessss, fuckkkk."

"Good girl."

You then removed your vibrator to the side and quickly inserted two of your fingers into you and started to slowly move them in and out knowing that the both of them were bricked up by now.

You felt how close you were to reaching your peak and soon inserted another finger and increased your pace. 

"Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit."

"I guess this is what you're up to when I'm not around to give you this dick."

You ignored Jack since the only thing that you were focusing on was giving yourself an orgasm in front of your husband and best friend just like he had asked.

It only took three more thrusts of your vibrator when you felt warm liquid spilling from you and running down your legs.

"Baby girl, don't tell me we have to change the sheets already."

"We can keep them a little while longer." You said after a few minutes before throwing your vibrator to the side.

You then made eye contact with Urban and intensely held it as you undid your bra in the back of you.

You made sure to throw it at him and it landed right at his feet.

"Are you going to stand there or fuck me like you promised?" You finally asked as Urban slowly took off his clothes in front of you.

He then slowly climbed on top of you and was simply admiring the gorgeous body in front of him.

“Damn, who knew that this pussy would be so pretty?” Urban asked as he was making tiny circles along your clit making you shudder. As requested, Jack was sitting in the far corner of the bedroom watching the two of you. 

Who knew that he would be so turned on by seeing his best friend fuck his wife.

“And you’re already so wet and I haven’t even touched you yet. Jack wasn't lying every single time he says how gorgeous your body is."

“And I’m going to need for you to hurry the fuck up. And he had better said that about me.”

“Patience, baby girl, patience. Keep having that attitude and me and Jack will edge you the entire night.”

You looked up at Urban in disbelief and your mouth opened and closed several times before you answered him.

“You wouldn’t dare.”

“Oh, but we would baby. Be a good girl and do what we say.” You heard your husband reply and all you could do was roll your eyes. You didn’t think either one of them caught it, but that thought quickly went out the window once you heard Urban.

“You got one more time to roll your eyes at me before I fuck that attitude out of you.”

“I’d like to see you try.”

Urban suddenly stopped his movements on your clit before sliding into you without warning making you gasp.

He let you get adjusted to his size before slowly going in and out of you, making you moan out his name.

“Oh, shiiiiit, Urban.”

“Damn, you’re tight as hell. Spread those legs for me and act like you want this dick.”

You did as you were told and soon reached up to bring him closer to you if that was possible.

Urban then reached down to take one of your breasts in his mouth and he was lightly sucking as he continued to pound in and sped up his pace.

“Fuckkkkk.”

“Tell me how it feels, baby girl.”

“So good, so fucking good.” You said in between breaths as you hugged Urban closer to your chest.

“You gonna be a good girl tonight and do exactly what we say?”

You nodded your head yes not trusting your mouth to communicate for you because of the amount of pleasure that you were in.

“I asked you a question, mamas. Answer me or I’ll stop right now.”

“Yessss! I’ll do anything you say, just don’t stopppp.”

“Anything?”

“Yes, anything Urban. Damn it, you heard me the first time I said it. Oooohhh fuck!”

“Then get on your knees.”

Urban slid out of you and waited for you to do what he had told you.

“Look at me.” Urban said while lifting your chin with his finger.

“Can you do something for me, pretty girl?”

“Depends on what it is.” You answered and all Urban did was smirk while Jack looked as if he couldn’t wait to get his hands on you.

“Open your mouth and my dick better not leave it until my cum is sliding down your throat. Do you understand?”

You simply nodded, but Urban wasn’t taking that as an answer.

“Baby! What did I tell you? Use.Your.Words.” You heard Jack exclaim from the other side of the room.

“The answer is yes and are you about to put your dick in my mouth or not?”

“Here you go with that attitude again.” Urban said as you took him into your mouth all the way until he hit the back of your throat. 

You admit since Jack didn’t like to be deep-throated that it might be a challenge for you seeing how big he was. However, you had said anything that they wanted you to do that you would do it and you definitely weren’t about to back down now. 

“That’s it, baby girl. Damn you’re doing such a good job. I’ll make sure to award you for this later.”

So, you won’t be able to walk tomorrow.

Confirmed. 

It had only been not even three minutes when you had to take a break and Urban looked down at you in disbelief.

“Nuh uh, what did I tell you? Who said you could stop?”

“I’m definitely punishing you for that later.”

You didn’t even bother responding to either of them and once again went back to the task at hand.

At this point in time, there were literal tears rolling down your cheeks and at this point Urban had put your hair into a makeshift ponytail and pulled you even closer to him which made it seem like he was close. 

“Fuckkkkk!”

You felt warm liquid hit the back of your throat and Urban titled your head back to look down at you.

“You better fucking swallow it too.”

You did as you were told and soon saw your husband out of the corner of your eye get up and start to make his way over to you.

“You already know what position I want you in and you have five seconds to get there.”

“And if I don’t?” You curiously asked while still on your knees looking up at your husband as Urban had now moved to take his place on the couch where he had been sitting. 

Jack then placed his left hand around your throat and lightly squeezed and you knew if it had been a puddle in between your legs before that it was now a waterfall.

“You usually never get this fucking smart with me so I’m surprised. I guess because Urban is watching but you need to cut that shit out now.”

“And…. if.I.don’t?” You once again asked and you could now tell Jack was about to fuck you into oblivion.

What he didn’t know is that you would always do this on purpose.

Jack let out a light chuckle before picking you up and throwing you onto the bed but not before making one of his favorite requests.

“Open your mouth.” You followed directions and was soon met with Jack spitting in your mouth and making you swallow it.

“Spread your fucking legs.” He told you as he stroked himself a few times and you could see the precum dripping out of it. 

You spread them as far as your body would allow before Jack slowly slid into you bottoming out.

“Oooohhh shiiiiiit.”

“Got damn you’re so tight and feel so fucking good. Still not used to it after all this time.”

“Hurry up and make me cum.”

“I’m going to be doing a lot more than that, but if you keep that attitude up, I won’t let you cum for the rest of the night and you know that you can hold me to it because I just did that shit to you last week.”

You had gotten flashbacks of your husband edging you for more than three hours and definitely did not want to got through that again.

So you decided to stay quiet.

This time.

You had now pulled Jack closer to you as he was mercilessly pounding into you making you scream his name at the top of your lungs.

“Jackkkkkk!! Fuckkkk!”

Jack suddenly stopped his movements and looked down at you and you were confused.

“Is that what you’re supposed to call me when I’m in you?”

“No.”

“Then fix that shit and what are you supposed to call me?”

“Daddy.”

“Don’t mess up again. You understand?”

Jack then continued his movements in and out of you when you had wrapped your left leg around him. 

He increased his pace as you were trying to grab a hold of anything to help anchor you.

“Mrs. Harlow better stop running away from me. Take this dick.”

“Shiiiiiit, I’m close.”

“I know. Cum for me baby, cum all over daddy’s dick.”

With only two more thrusts you did as you were told Jack and made himself comfortable in between your legs and took one long lick making you shudder.

“Ehh. I can’t.”

“You can and you will. Come here.” Jack replied as he slowly started sucking on your clit and he grabbed both of your thighs to keep you in place. You had barely recovered from his making you cum the first time and it was safe to say that the corner of your eyes were now watering because of how much pleasure that you were in.

“Come on baby, let me at that pussy. You can take it. Keep your legs spread.”

“AHHHHH fuckkkkk.” Your hands immediately went into Jack’s curls and you were tugging on them to pull him even closer.

“Same person who said they couldn’t take it, but now look.” 

Jack then inserted two fingers into you and then lapped at your folds at the same time.

Your breathing became heavier and that’s how Jack knew that he was about to make you cum for the second time. 

“I know you’re almost there, baby. I can tell.”

Not even thirty seconds later, a rush of liquid made its way onto your husband’s face.

“Got damn, Y/N, I had no idea you were a squirter.”

“You never asked, Urby.” You responded while looking over at him.

Jack then flipped you over so that he was underneath you and you were on top of him and Urban was now behind you. 

“Your jaw isn’t tired yet, right baby?”

You simply shook your head no as you leaned down to take him in your mouth.

As you were moving Jack in and out of your mouth you felt Urban take one long lick over your folds and you immediately shuddered not having recovered from Jack doing the same thing to you less than five minutes ago. 

“Come on mamas, don’t run now.” Urban said as he continued working along your folds.

Trying to concentrate on both of them had proved to be difficult in the beginning, but then you had gotten into a comfortable rhythm.

You then felt Urban move higher and you immediately let out a gasp.

“Stay fucking still. Don’t you dare move.” Urban continued his movements as you felt as if you just had the wind knocked out of you.

You would have probably made Jack cum by now, but you were distracted by the amount of pleasure that Urban was giving you.

“Fuckkkk, Urban. Shit!”

“Move again and I’ll fucking stop.”

“You heard him mamas, act accordingly like I said.”

You made it up in your mind to get Jack back for that and would have him begging you to let him cum. 

It had been a few minutes before you felt Urban slowly enter you from behind and immediately started pounding into you.

“Fuckkkkkk, don’t stop, don’t stop.”

“I didn’t plan on it.”

"Do you want us to cum all over your face pretty girl?" Urban asked you and you eagerly nodded. 

As promised you were a sticky, crying, whining mess who was begging for mercy.

You had lost track of how many times the both of them had made you reach ecstasy, but you knew that it had to be close to double digits.

No.

Scratch that.

It was definitely double digits.

"Speak up, pretty girl. Tell us exactly what you want. You've been such a good girl for us." Jack said while bringing your chin up to look at him.

"I want all of it running down my face until I can't see straight."

"As you wish." Jack answered you as he sloppily kissed you and pushed you down to your knees.

Not even a minute later your face and chest was covered with both Jack and Urban’s cum and you proceeded to place some on your fingers and then bring them to your mouth to suck on.

“Such a good girl for us.”

“And make sure you get all of it.” 

Once you finally finished, Jack helped you to your feet and he leaned down to kiss you.

“That should be enough for you to last on tour, right?” You asked while looking up at him.

“Hmm, it should be but we’re nowhere near done with you.”

“Wait, what?!”

“Rest up, baby girl. I hope you didn’t forget about us punishing you.” Urban said while looking over at you and you suddenly looked at him with wide eyes.

“Fine. Then I have a request too.”

“Anything mamas.”

“Whose face am I sitting on first?”

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[giganonyx]

TBB SEASON 3 SPOILERS

HEADS UP- I WILL BE TAGGING EACH OF MY EPISODE REVIEW THINGS WITH “tbb s3 spoilers”, AND OTHER SPOILER TAGS, PLEASE BLOCK THESE TAGS SO U DONT GET SPOILED!!!

AHHHHH OMEGA MY BABY. She has a pony tail stoppp my child is all grown up I will cry. Ok but she ate the new hairstyle she is slaying.

ERGH SHE HAS BEEN THERE 150 DAYS. Sick and twisted. She contrasts SO heavily with the whole sterile, orderly environment, it’s literally heartbreaking to watch. Forced into this mindless routine, her hopeful attitude constantly being beaten down on?? HURTING. GET HER OUT OF THIS HELL HOLE.

GOD seeing Crosshair look so broken BROKE ME. His shaking hands??? They took away the ONE thing he still had- his superior sniping skills, his steady hand. They took that AWAY from him. FUCKED UP. THEY TORE HIM DOWN. I can’t I’m so sad.

DADDY’S HOMEEEJWJWISNWIANQOQOQB (Hunter was on screen for the first time this season) (He is SO FINE)(MY HUSBAND HAS RETURNED FROM HIS HIATUS IN A TRAUMATIZED STATE BUT NONETHELESS HAS RETURNED TO GRACE MY SCREEN AND BE THE LIGHT OF MY LIFE)

I had a horrible sense of dread overtake my body when he said something like “our mission isn’t over yet”… like idk I felt so ILL. PAIN. WHY do I have the feeling my man isn’t going to make it SHUT UP.

ALSO HIM MAKING RECKLESS DECISIONS???? The kidnapping of his daughter and the death of his brother have done a NUMBER on this man.

WRECKER my cutie patootie!! Yk it’s bad when Wrecker starts to become a voice of reason (which, Hunter in his desperate mindset, promptly ignores 😭)

HAHBANQKNSJQQKO CROSSHAIR IS SO FUNNY DURING HIS ESCAPE WITH OMEGA- literal snark fest

Need Omega bullying a mouse droid on repeat.

Stop mouse droid bullying 😭

OOOO NALA SE’S WARNING TO OMEGA TO LEAVE?? I’m scared. And Omega ate it up tho. She said “say less lmao I’m gone ✌️”.

Did palpy not feel a disturbance into the force. Was bro so into the “project Necromancer deets” he couldn’t tell his vessel was peacing out. Common Palpy L.

RUN OMEGA TAKE YOUR SARCASTIC BROTHER WITH U

JUST A GIRL AND HER DOG AND HER GRUMPY BROTHER EHEHEHEHE

OUGAHHH OK OK IM BOUNCING AROUND EPISODES HERE BUT STAY WITH ME

WHEN CROSSHAIR SAID “forget the hound, Omega.”, it lowkey felt like he was talking about himself. He was telling her to forget him, he was a broken animal, with no point in nurturing back to health. She needs to give up on him if she wants to move forward. BUT SHE DIDNT BECAUSE MAMA DIDNT RAISE NO UNLOYAL LOSER. NO. OMEGA IS THE REALEST ONEEEEE.

EMERIE you confuse me. I hate u yet am intrigued by u. Looking forward to her character development ahhhh.

HUNTER MY POOKIE BEAR BACK TO HIM BC that man was doing FLIPS chopping off the eldritch horror vines. They snatched his brother and he said “hell naw hoe let go of my BRO” and just. Went to town. Me when Hunter exists 🎉🎉🎉🎉

OH OU OH IHHIWHAIANQO ALSO THE MYSTERY GUY IN THE GREEN TACTICAL ARMOR?? IS THE ONE DOING THE “TORTURE” OR WHATEVER TO CROSSHAIR AND THAT GROUP OF CLONES??? If that’s really tech I’m gonna scream. You’re telling me he’s torturing his own brother. Tech would never even THINK about doing shit like that the man just wants to read nerdy newspapers. Desecration of the nerd lifestyle. OK I REALLY HOPE ITS HIM. LIKE I REALLY DO. OOO PLEASE I WILL CRY. WHY ELSE WOULD THEY SHOW THIS MYSTERY CLONE. NO NEED. IT HAS TO BE BROWN EYES (delusion).

OK I AM SO TIRED MY HEAD HURTS MY LIFE IS CHANGING Jesse we need to cook (I need to make tbb art) BUT I AM GOING TO BED FIRST

[markantonys]

amol chapters 21-36, though once again contains major spoilers for character endgame fates that still haven’t happened yet as of chapter 36

so asha’man can compel aes sedai with the bond but aes sedai can’t compel asha’man? that’s rancid

“she also wanted to be done with the black tower” mood!

my man demandred shows up with the sharans, being very sexy as always. don’t lie, we all have our FILF (forsaken i’d like to fuck) demandred is mine 100%. i love an evil man with a weird nose and an antagonistic homoerotic obsession with the hero (see: francesco pazzi in i medici season 2). i hope he doesn’t get cut from the show and instead absorbs some of the less sexy forsaken’s plotlines so that he can have something to do prior to the final season lmao

he’s acting like a jilted ex by claiming that he has “crawled through the depths of sorrow and risen up to accept my glory,” asking people if they know anything about rand, saying that leane is beautiful but he doesn’t give a shit because he just wants her to deliver a message to rand. “tell him i will finally have satisfaction.” literally the gayest possible way you could’ve phrased that my dude

“i will slaughter and destroy. i will seize his people. i will enslave his children, i will take his women for my own. one by one, i will break, destroy, or dominate everything he has loved. the only way for him to avoid this is for him to come and face me.” somebody is not taking his recent breakup well! his recent 3000-years-ago breakup. on a more serious note, exhibit fucking A of how stupid it was for bashere to make elayne publicize that rand is the babies’ dad!

i’m laughing about all these gay dramatics because rand is literally about to go face the dark one, he does NOT have time for your shit demandred. he’s gonna hear this message and be like “oh my god why are you so obsessed with me” and then continue on to shayol ghul. the dark one is gonna be facepalming that demandred’s gay dramatics are trying to get in the way of his faceoff with rand.

previously we’ve discussed that demandred is mat’s foil, but he’s also gawyn’s foil: homoerotic obsession with rand that consumes their every waking thought meanwhile rand never thinks about them and has no idea they’re obsessed with him. but gawyn was able to get over his onesided breakup and find closure where demandred couldn’t. although rand DID have that angsty gay thought about how maybe demandred wouldn’t have turned to the shadow if rand/LTT had loved him instead of competed with him, so not quite as onesided as gawyn. we’ve also previously discussed mat and gawyn foiling each other (young extremely skilled military men thrust into leadership positions they didn’t want, wary of being used by aes sedai, complicated relationships with rand), so this is just a nice trio of foils here.

in conclusion, demandred and LTT are that post that’s like “characters that never dated but are definitely exes now”

when perrin vanishes graendal’s balefire in TAR: “the woman started. they always did that. didn’t they realize that nothing was real here except what you thought to be real?” i’m so sick of perrin reading 1 wikipedia article on TAR and then acting like he knows it better than women who’ve been studying it for years (he also kinda did this with the wise ones when they tried to warn him against going in the flesh and then once he did so he was like “this doesn’t feel evil, they’re wrong about that”)

“a warrior who will not strike a maiden is a warrior who refuses her honor.” king gaul!!! and we have quite a bit of both gaul and lanfear shaming perrin for Not Killing Women and perrin himself acknowledging that it was foolish of him not to kill graendal when he had the chance. this combined with lan’s scene in the last chapter chunk, i feel like sanderson is coming down hard on how stupid this rj attitude was lmao bless

lanfear says that graendal was invading bashere’s dreams oh no!!!! what did she do!!!! i’m remembering that min had some kinda Darkness viewing about bashere and biting my nails!!!

well, if bashere is under the influence of the shadow then at least that would explain why he made elayne endanger herself and the babies by making her tell everyone rand is the dad lmao idk if he WAS under the influence of the shadow back at that time, but i’m going to believe he was in order to rationalize that buckwild stupidity.

“[egwene] looked at [gawyn], a cold strength in her eyes, and nodded. light! how could she be so calm when he had to clench his teeth for fear they would start rattling together?” that’s our wife!!

gawyn is using the bloodknife rings oooh sexy

at the shayol ghul group, rand has placed aviendha in charge ❤️❤️ so we could’ve had rand facing off against the dark one, aviendha leading at shayol ghul, elayne leading the armies, and mat maybe helping her lead the armies if he was here instead of ebou dar. power polycule!!!

aviendha sees rand approaching the cavern: “he wore his coat of red and gold, but under it a simple two rivers shirt. what he had become and what he had been, wrapped together in one.” 😭 rand has two swords, callandor and laman’s sword. “he carried that because of her. fool man.” 😭😭 “aviendha raised her hand to him, and he raised his in return. that would be their only farewell if he failed in his task or she died during hers. with a last look, she turned away from him and toward her duty.” 😭😭😭😭😭

randlayne was given priority for a number of chapters, and then in this brief portion avirand got priority - avi is the last one to see rand here, and she’s also the last one who got an on-page Relationship Moment with him (a couple chapters ago when they were standing together after scoping out shayol ghul), not to mention the Romance of her being the one leading the group protecting him outside the cavern. meanwhile min has only exchanged about 3 words with rand in the entire book 😌 fueling my belief that min was just sex while rand was Going Through It and desperate for companionship and she was literally the only one available, but elayne and avi are his endgame. now that the end has come and he’s back with his other loved ones, min has all but vanished from his mind and from the book while elayne and avi are the ones he’s focused on and the ones who have onscreen Relationship Scenes with him. min didn’t even GET an onscreen goodbye with him at all lmao! cadsuane mentioned that rand had given min jewelry as a goodbye gift but we didn’t see the interaction! we love to see it! or not see it, in this case.

we have a battle scene here that i did enjoy because it was wonderful to see avi flexing her leadership AND channeling skills! a perfect culmination of her character arc!

moiraine on the shayol ghul cavern: “this is not the bore, this is not the dark one’s prison.” it’s not? oh. well then...................i don’t know what the bore is and at this point i’m too afraid to ask. (update: later on it’s mentioned how the bore is Outside The Pattern. i would very much enjoy seeing the show adapt this whole pit of doom confrontation because it’s hard for me to visualize so far in this chapter chunk.)

so moiraine and nynaeve will be the 2 women to use callandor with rand. awww i really think one should’ve been egwene since she and rand have been foils and two sides of the same coin and complements and yin and yang and co-protagonists for so long. bummer! i think her instead of nynaeve would’ve had more impact bc it would’ve shown how far rand has come out of his paranoia and self-isolation, if he was doing this with 2 aes sedai he strongly mistrusted for a long time rather than with nynaeve who was always the only one he never mistrusted or pushed away. and in fact it would’ve been such beautiful poetic cinema if callandor only required 1 man and 1 woman and it was just rand and egwene going into the cavern together. haha i was also thinking that egwene would’ve been better than perrin doing all the TAR stuff, so i guess my dream last battle would just be egwene doing EVERY task jkfjg it’s what she deserves!

nynaeve is wearing a beautiful dress because of course women be dressing to the nines to go BATTLE THE DARK ONE

i once saw someone say that the dark one’s all-caps dialogue makes them think of an old person on facebook accidentally writing things in all caps all the time and now that is always what i think of jkfgjh

rand is now entering the cave, so he officially has no time to deal with demandred’s gay dramatics and in fact has never even heard about them. god it would be so funny if demandred gets killed without ever coming face to face with rand in the entire series, that’s HUGE gawyn-onesided-homoerotic-rivalry-with-rand energy!

“an empress had to be crafty, strong, and skilled if she was to survive” and we have never actually seen tuon be any of those things, we’ve only been told that she is, so i guess that means she won’t be long for this world yeah baby!

“matrim would never be a rival...was not the prince of the ravens a check upon the empress, to keep her strong by providing a constant threat?” see, if the ship had been done well, i would be swooning over the romance of tuon being puzzled that for the first time she has a healthy relationship and a family member who won’t try to kill her, but it wasn’t, so instead i’m just like “yeah i WISH mat was a rival and a threat to her” (but i can soothe myself that maybe this is a sign that mat WILL someday be her and the empire’s downfall, and she’s just underestimating him here as usual)

wait shit tuon believes that rand knelt before the crystal throne, and now that i think about it he did do so literally and also kinda did do so metaphorically since he let her walk all over him in arranging their “alliance,” but the dragon kneeling before the crystal throne was a marker of the bad future in avi’s visions..............OH NO

tuon can you stop forcibly renaming mat FOR FIVE MINUTES

mat just says “knotai? i kind of like it” because by this point he has been officially slave-broken and happily accepts his new slave name

but again i can soothe myself that tuon naming him this as “a bringer of destruction” is a sign that someday it’ll backfire on her and he’ll bring destruction to the empire rather than to the empire’s enemies, as she believes here

mat tells tuon that they have to go help egwene’s army and has the audacity to be upset that she seems like she either might not help or might use the opportunity to enslave all the aes sedai. “i never thought the leopards would eat MY face,” sobs woman who voted for the Leopards Eating People’s Faces party.

“you gave your word.” “i signed a treaty. any treaty can be broken, particularly by the empress...the empress cannot be constrained by words on a paper.” LMAO wasn’t there a bit in a past book where she insisted that she was so honorable and always kept her promises? LMAOOO and she’s always pressed about the westlanders not keeping their oaths (that they never swore anywhere but in her deranged mind) and whatnot.

me after violating a legal document that i signed: i cannot be constrained by words on a paper 😌

she doesn’t Actually break the treaty yet because she decides it’s in her best interests to help the ~marath’damane army~ so she can use them to defeat the shadow (with the alternative being go back to seanchan right now, solidify her rule, and then come back to fight the shadow with her own forces. because obviously we totally have enough time for that, tuon, it’s not as if the last battle started DAYS ago or anything.) however, this just proves how fucking stupid and pointless the seanchan peace treaty is - tuon does not consider herself bound by it in any way and WILL violate it the SECOND it inconveniences her.

“the clouds had parted above them - they often did when [elayne] was near, one way the bond with rand manifested” ❤️❤️ romance!

just a week or two ago i saw someone shitting on elayne’s pre-battle speech in this book and saying it was lame, but i just read it and it rocks??? fuck off. elayne says “i am supposed to reassure you but i cannot...doing so would remove responsibility...this is not a day for empty promises” and people say it’s lame and not inspiring, but if she HAD hyped the soldiers up more with false positivity then people would’ve said she was being insensitive of the gravity of the situation and treating war as child’s play. there is literally no winning for elayne among Certain Readers.

“birgitte, i am in command, and you are my soldier. you will obey...i’m one of the few channelers of any strength this army has, and i’ll be drawn and quartered before i let myself sit out the fight. i’m easily worth a thousand soldiers on this battlefield.” GO OFF!!!!!!

birgitte tries to protest about the babies, because as we know those are the people she actually cares about and elayne is just a vessel for them in her eyes, and elayne claps back with “even if min hadn’t had that viewing, i’d still insist on fighting. you think the babes of these soldiers aren’t at risk? many of them line the walls of that city! if we fail here, they will be slaughtered. no, i will not keep myself out of danger, and no, i will not sit back and wait. if you think it’s your duty as my warder to stop me, then i will bloody sever this bond right here and now and send you to someone else! i’m not gong to spend the last battle lounging on a chaise and drinking goat’s milk!” YES!!! 👏👏👏👏👏 CHEERING AND PUMPING MY FIST

also, this is another example of there being no winning for elayne among Certain Readers: she does stuff like this and they complain that she’s reckless and gets people killed and Doesn’t Listen To Birgitte, but if she were to spend the last battle lounging on a chaise and drinking goat’s milk they’d complain about her doing nothing and letting everyone else die in her place.

mark my words, lounging on a chaise and drinking goat’s milk is exactly how tuon will spend the last battle. probably min too.

“an odd sensation came to mind. one of the women was in trouble. was it elayne? aviendha? he could not tell.” when rand senses one of his bondholders is in trouble, elayne and aviendha are the only two he cares about 😌 either that or he doesn’t even consider min could be in danger because she’s not doing anything in the battle lmao

moridin arrives. “you could step aside. if my victory is not assured, neither is your fall. let me pass. for once, make the choice you know you should.” “now? now you beg me to return to the light? i have been promised oblivion. finally, nothing, a destruction of my entire being. an end. you will not steal that from me, lews therin! by my grave, you will not!” and they start swordfighting. poor demandred, he wants what ishamael has with rand. demandred and gawyn shaking on the gates yelling “let me in!” whilst rand is too busy in his intense and complicated *and reciprocal* relationships with ishamael and mat.

also, like lanfear, ishamael hovers just on the edge of being a really interesting and complex villain and character, and i hope the show will bring out his motives and psychology more especially through use of AOL flashbacks. it already did a great job establishing “i just want existence to end” as a motive for joining the shadow via dana.

perrin sees the cavern battle from TAR: “two men, locked in battle. two women, as if frozen.” if moiraine and nynaeve spend the entire battle just frozen and not doing anything i’ll be so mad lmao i guess it’s actually good that egwene wasn’t wasted here

perrin and gaul are attacked by aiel male channelers who have been turned to the shadow. this is so interesting, why the hell is it just kind of a 5-page footnote in the final book of the series? why didn’t we get any aiel asha’man? that would’ve been so cool!

“i killed two of those myself, perrin aybara. one could channel. i think myself great with honor, then you slide in and take two captive. bain would laugh herself all the way back to the three-fold land if she saw this.” aw a tidbit of gaul-bain banter/friendship! it should be gaul and bain who are first-siblings rather than bain and chiad. like maybe bain and chiad are already lovers, gaul and chiad start falling for each other, and bain’s resistance is to taking gaul as her first-brother and sharing chiad with him, and then they get a nice little rivals to friends to first-siblings arc. it would’ve made so much more sense! i’m hoping the show will give us mixed gender first-siblings in general (and first-brothers, getting rid of the nonsense that men are worse at being close friends with each other than women are lmao)

“i don’t like fighting beside those seanchan” king gawyn strikes again! and egwene thinks that she “should be fighting the seanchan with every breath, not allying with them. her instincts rebelled as she approached the gathering of seanchan.” i swear to god gawyn and egwene are the only people who still remember that the seanchan suck (and elayne, i believe she was resistant to the idea of allying with them back in the big meeting?)

“egwene’s chances depended on the seanchan joining the battle and engaging the sharan channelers. her stomach twisted...the seanchan damane were not free women; they could not choose to fight. from what she’d seen of the sharan male channelers, they were little more than animals themselves.” queen egwene being the only one to acknowledge this!

“egwene revised her expectations. she’d imagined fortuona as a spoiled adolescent, the product of a coddled lifetime.” no yeah you were right on the money there egwene no revisions needed

egwene absolutely OWNS tuon throughout this conversation and it gives me so much life!!!!!! it is so goddamn satisfying to see someone FINALLY stand up to tuon, given the way she carries a spine-removal kit around (to use @butterflydm​’s extremely apt analogy) for use on literally every single other character who has interacted with her thus far.

now i am going to take a pause simply to record some epic egwene quotes before going back to analysis mode

when tuon says she’d considered whether it would be appropriate for her to speak to egwene with her own voice: “i have considered myself whether it would be appropriate to speak to one such as yourself, who has committed such terrible atrocities.” OOH

when tuon decides oh so generously to see egwene as a queen rather than as a marath’damane for this conversation: “no. you will see me for what i am, woman. i demand it.” OOOH

when tuon agrees and says that she’s spoken to marath’damane before, as it’s allowed for an empress to speak with her pet hounds: “then i will speak with you directly as well. for the amyrlin judges many trials. she must be able to speak to murderers and rapists in order to pass sentence upon them. i think you would be at home in their company, though i suspect they would find you nauseating.” OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH a worthy successor to that epic elaida clapback

“i represent the ultimate proof that your society and empire are built upon falsehoods. here i stand, a woman you insist should be collared for the common good. and yet i display none of the wild or dangerous tendencies that you claim i should have. so long as i am free from your collars, i prove to every man and woman who draws breath that you are a liar.” OOOOOHHH and the other seanchan murmur at this!

there will be more epic quotes coming but now i want to analyze. suffice it to say that this was me throughout this scene:

tuon insists that egwene wouldn’t criticize the collar if she’d known its peace and whatever nauseating shit, and egwene reveals to everybody that she WAS collared and she HATED IT!! tuon is big mad because she didn’t know this so now egwene’s made her look like a fool (and undermined the damane system and her authority) in front of a lot of people.

tuon rounds on mat to demand why he never told her that egwene was collared. he replies, “i didn’t think too much about it. she wasn’t one for very long.” boy i bet egwene wishes SHE was able to not think too much about it! mat has deadass been mooning over the head slaver for all these books with that one time his best friend was enslaved by these people just completely slipping his mind. he also chimes in with an obedient little “may she live forever” when tuon ends a sentence with “the empress” which is sickening.

egwene’s FIRST assumptions when she sees mat among the seanchan are that he’s undercover and they don’t know who he really is or that he’s a captive, that he’s in danger, and that she needs to save him from them. i think this is supposed to be a humorous role reversal of mat thinking these things about egwene being amyrlin when he first arrives in salidar, but it’s absolutely heartbreaking. egwene sees her close friend all buddy-buddy with the people who enslaved her and who have enslaved or murdered countless of her sisters and allies, and she assumes that mat must be there for an ulterior motive or not of his own free will, but nope, he voluntarily threw himself in with them because he was into tuon’s ~mysterious eyes.~ and how can i laugh at egwene ~presumptively~ thinking mat needs a rescue, when he DOES need a rescue before he spends the rest of his life miserable and under tuon’s thumb?

egwene says that their marriage was a result of tuon getting caught up in mat’s ta’veren pull (which tuon denies). “‘being ta’veren never did get me much,’ mat said sourly.” so is he admitting that he doesn’t want this marriage or this life?

tuon is mad at mat for not telling her about egwene’s stint as a damane and says “we will speak of this on another occasion. it will not be pleasant.” and later in the scene when he displeases her, “we will have many words about this tonight” 🚩🚩🚩

“egwene regarded the woman, baffled. light! these people were completely insane.” YES. YES THEY ARE. what a breath of fresh air to see a pov character FINALLY acknowledge this. egwene you’re the only bitch in this house i ever respected.

“oh, light, rand. what did you promise them?” mood

egwene actually makes an effort to get concessions from tuon AND SUCCEEDS (tuon agrees to give up tremalking) unlike rand just going “oh well there’s nothing i can do” the second tuon counters him and mat just standing there silently not even trying. because egwene is the only bitch in this house i ever respected.

me @ every character but egwene, gawyn, and elayne: you have the moral backbone of a chocolate eclair

egwene announces that all sul’dam can channel. tuon tells her not to spread such lies. “oh? shall we test it, fortuona? you said you trained them yourself. you are a sul’dam, i presume? put the a’dam on your neck. i dare you. if i am wrong, it will do nothing to you. if i am right, you will be subject to its power, and will prove to be marath’damane...let us do it and test the real strength of your commitment. if you prove to be able to channel, will you do as you claim others should? will you stroll up to the collar and snap it around your own neck, fortuona? will you obey your own laws?” i am screaming and hollering in approval, but then, for some GODFORSAKEN reason, this DOES NOT HAPPEN. at this point being collared and forced to channel is literally the only thing that could possibly force tuon into any sort of character development, so WHY in the name of the light would you set this up so perfectly and then wuss out of following through???????????? what’s the point????????? i’m so mad!!!!!!!!! just when i think tuon might finally be forced to face a consequence for the first time in her life!!!

“‘i plan to live centuries,’ egwene hissed. ‘i will watch your empire crumble, fortuona. i will watch it with joy.’” AND YET EGWENE FUCKING DIES IN THE LAST BATTLE AND TUON’S EVIL ASS GETS TO LIVE!!!! IT’S SO UNFAIR I HATE IT!!!!!!!!!! nobody is going to stand up to the seanchan once egwene, possessor of the sole backbone in the westlands, is gone!!!! i’m sure egwene’s death will be a moving Heroic Sacrifice moment, but my god it’s the worst thing that could’ve possibly happened for the upcoming fourth age. the world doesn’t need rand or perrin or mat or nynaeve anymore after the last battle, but it needs egwene DESPERATELY. if an ef5 had to die, why couldn’t it have been literally any of them except egwene? except i don’t want rand to die because he deserves a second chance at life, and i don’t want nynaeve to die because she deserves her happy ending with lan after they’ve had a Doomed Relationship for so much of the series, and i don’t want mat to die because he needs to overthrow the seanchan empire and then go back to the westlands to marry rand and elayne. so, i will amend my statement: if an ef5 had to die, why couldn’t it have been perrin? lmao (tho i do stand by the fact that rand or nynaeve not making it would’ve been better For The World than egwene even if i would’ve been sad personally, and possibly mat as well unless i really AM meant to believe that he’ll destroy seanchan, in which case he needs to survive to the fourth age too)

mat intervenes and pushes them apart. “let’s be civil, ladies. don’t make me throw the pair of you over my knee.” i am going to strangle him and make it stick this time. my earlier-in-this-book sympathy for mat is over now, fuck post-WH mat all my homies hate post-WH mat. like can you IMAGINE a woman with no political authority saying this to two extremely powerful male rulers/leaders while they’re arguing about serious political and human rights topics? ..........okay cadsuane would absolutely do this, but aside from her.

“the people of the world need you two, and they need you levelheaded, you hear me?” they literally do not need tuon mat they would literally be so much better off without her. “this is bigger than any of us. when you fight each other, the dark one wins, and that is that. so stop behaving like children.” and so we have the culmination of the gross ass “one side wanting to enslave the other vs. the other not wanting to be enslaved being treated as equally petty, selfish, and in the wrong” theme that’s been present ever since COT. i’m fuming!!!! chewing rocks!!!!!!!!

“when you fight each other the dark one wins” would’ve been an effective line to use when the world leaders were squabbling in the big meeting scene or when rand and egwene were arguing, NOT when tuon is threatening to enslave egwene and egwene is saying she wants to see her slaver empire destroyed!

although at least mat does chide tuon a little bit extra and tell her that she needs egwene, and doesn’t say anything more to egwene or try to tell her that she needs tuon, so that’s a small mercy

the meeting ends and egwene returns to “where gawyn waited for her” sanderson couldn’t have gawyn present for/within earshot of the meeting because gawyn would’ve beat mat’s ass for treating egwene like that, and rightfully so. also because he would’ve just straight up killed tuon using his bloodknife ring abilities the second she threatened egwene. egwene wouldn’t kill tuon because she’s too practical and levelheaded, but gawyn would’ve snapped and taken her head off, my impulsive boy.

elayne’s exhausted herself channeling in battle, and birgitte actually admits that elayne was right to want to fight and that she did well and that seeing her fight right on the front lines inspired the soldiers, thank god.

elayne realizes that bashere’s been spreading misinformation, which led to them being taken by surprise by a second trolloc army, and concludes that he’s a darkfriend and fires him from being her general and puts him under guard. lan’s been noticing agelmar making mistakes too, so i’m guessing graendal’s messing with all the generals’ dreams.

i’m sad because i always was fond of bashere, but i’m also thrilled because now elayne is in charge and flexes her military general muscles and puts together a good battle plan on the spot! that’s my girl! fuck perrin and everyone else who claimed she’s only a good leader because she sits quietly and lets the male generals do all the work.

“the one power flooded into her, though she could hold only a trickle. she could act as if she weren’t exhausted, but her body knew the truth. she would lead them anyway.” ❤️❤️

min gets sent as a messenger from bryne to tuon. the aes sedai doing gateways have to make them as small as possible since they need to conserve their strength, and min is annoyed that they make her one so small she has to crawl through it. why don’t you do something useful rather than complaining that other people don’t have enough energy left to do things, min?

she mentions that one of the aes sedai notes her “breeches and curls” do NOT tell me min has been curling her hair even during the last fucking battle????? 💀💀 i hope that sanderson just forgot or didn’t realize that her hair wasn’t naturally curly (and it isn’t - there were multiple times in rj’s books where she mentioned that she started curling it For Rand) because otherwise, oh my god.

she’s been doing odd jobs in the camp for a week. interesting that a week has passed since the day before rand went to the pit of doom. “it wasn’t work that had required her, specifically, but it was better than sitting in tear and worrying about rand...or being angry at him for forbidding her to go to shayol ghul.” meanwhile, avi was briefly disappointed that rand wouldn’t take her but accepted immediately that it was the right course of action. “you’d have been a liability there, min told herself. you know it. he couldn’t worry about saving the world and protecting her from the forsaken at the same time.” at least she admits it. “sometimes, it was hard not to feel insignificant in a world of channelers like rand, elayne, and aviendha.” that’s because you ARE insignificant 😌 like, there are so many ways to pull off “non-magical non-warrior character has strength in other areas” and none of them were used with min. her viewings are useless and the emotional support she allegedly provides for rand is either nonexistent or detrimental 90% of the time.

like what’s going on???? lmao anyway

min was just internally moping about being useless but when mat says “hey i could use you” she gets offended that he phrased it rudely or something??? not sure if you noticed but we’re in the middle of a WAR here min, people don’t have time to waste on making sure their requests are phrased politely enough so as not to hurt your feelings.

min even seems to know about mat’s luck??? you’ve met him ONCE and it was before he had that luck! elayne doesn’t even know about it and she’s his bestie! what’s going on??? i would say rand told her, but i’m not sure even rand is aware of mat’s luck? totally possible that he could be, i just don’t remember.

“they’re insane, min. they’re all bloody insane.” “i’m sure egwene would help you escape if you ask, mat.” “well, i didn’t say they weren’t fun. just insane.” mat name ONE time that the seanchan, infamous war criminals and human rights abusers in whose company you’ve been constantly miserable and fearing for your life and your freedom, have been “fun”

“gritting her teeth, min went down on one knee. the woman was the empress, after all. min wouldn’t bow to mat or the generals, but it was only proper to show respect to fortuona.” literally why??? she’s not YOUR empress!

“who is this one, knotai? she thinks herself high.” “oh, well, she’s just the dragon reborn’s woman.” “how curious. that would make her your equal, knotai.” DJFKGJKJHJKDFHGLJ tuon is calling mat rand’s lover and you can’t change my mind

also, it’s making me completely insane yet again that mat is fully aware that min is rand’s girlfriend and is also fully aware that rand is elayne’s babydaddy and we just do not ever see him have any reaction to that or wonder what’s going on. and we can’t even say “maybe rand explained it to him offscreen while they were catching up” because they didn’t GET one of those catchups like rand & perrin and mat & perrin got.

mat tries to hustle min out: “just keep moving. don’t risk her deciding to snatch you up. she’s not particularly good at letting things go, once she has them in hand.” i was all prepared to feel sorry for him, but then, “he actually sounded proud, saying that.” sigh. “you’re as crazy as they are, min thought.” for once something we can agree on. i am trying so hard to interpret everything as mat having been brainwashed and psychologically beaten into submission, but at times it is difficult.

“i don’t belong to anyone. except maybe rand, and him to me.” compare with aviendha: “he did not own her, and she did not own him.” HMMM. very telling. we now have this, avi shunning the thought of possessive public touching while min drapes herself over rand in public constantly, avi accepting immediately that rand has his duty and she has hers while min mopes over rand not taking her to shayol ghul, avi thinking that she couldn’t be with rand until she knew who she was while min thinks she’ll be whatever rand wants her to be.............the two of them are truly at polar opposite ends of the spectrum in terms of how they view relationships, with min being the end of “painfully insecure, possessive, and monogamous.” “we belong to each other” is probably meant to feel romantic, and if used it a different moment maybe it would be, but the fact that we had avi thinking mere CHAPTERS ago that she and rand don’t own each other really throws this line into sharp relief.

oh wack tuon declares that min is her truthspeaker now. is something interesting and non-rand-related finally happening to min for the first time in 14 books? also, note that it’s something interesting happening TO her rather than her DOING something interesting. that’s the real reason she’s insignificant compared to rand, elayne, and aviendha: not because she isn’t a channeler, but because she’s a passive character. things happen TO her, she doesn’t MAKE things happen.

“loial fought on. this song was not a song of victory. it was a song of life. loial did not intend to die here on this hillside. by the light, he had a book to finish before he went!” 😭❤️

mat is weirdly into min all of a sudden lmao hate that. although it IS further evidence for the “mat is gonna cheat on tuon so fast” folder, and that’s always a good thing. and i guess i shouldn’t have expected anything different when the “thinks of all women in terms of whether they’re fuckable” character and the “exists solely to cater to the straight male gaze” character met up.

“she was with rand, so that made her practically his sister.” so you’re saying that min is your sister-wife, because you are also with rand? also, contrast to in LOC when he was like “elayne is so hot, but i wouldn’t kiss her, not because she’s with rand, just because she’s annoying” mat was 100% willing to homewreck rand with elayne, make of that what you will jkjfgh

mat managed to retain his old clothes and puts them on now! phew

it’s so wild that tuon can just go “you’re my truthspeaker now” and snatch min???? and no one does anything about it???? well min, i guess you’re headed off to seanchan forever after the last battle. sucks for her and i’m not necessarily glad about someone else falling into seanchan hands.............but this DOES clear the way for avirandlayne throuple raising their six (6) babies in caemlyn endgame to happen, it has to be said.

mat mentions that he burned the ugly ratty coat he wore to visit elayne in TOM, aw he was so upset that she made fun of it djkfgj

“mat grinned at tuon, and she favored him with a smile. light, but he liked those smiles.” sigh. though this does absolutely read like a fully brainwashed damane being happy to receive a sul’dam’s approval, which..........well, it sure doesn’t SOOTHE me, but it’s better for mat’s characterization to believe that he’s been brainwashed and slave-broken rather than that he’s just fully bought into all this while in his right mind.

“gawyn stepped up to her side, faithful as always.” ❤️❤️ THIS loyal husband DOES spark joy.

egwene notes that gawyn is looking pale, as if at the start of a sickness. oh no!!!!! i think i remember it was mentioned that you don’t live long after activating the bloodknife rings, but idk if that was just because people only activate them to go on suicide missions or if it means that the rings themselves will actually kill you after a certain point. i do know already that gawyn dies (sob) but i don’t know how or when it will happen (same with egwene’s death, i only know the bare fact and not any details).

lan ousts agelmar and mat ousts bryne later in the chapter. and tenobia dies in the battle, so with her gone and bashere currently unfit to rule, does that mean my girl faile is now queen of saldaea? nice! i mean, rip tenobia and everything, but all hail queen faile.

“‘he seems to be yelling for the dragon reborn,’ galgan said. demandred’s voice boomed across the battlefield right then, enhanced by the one power. he was demanding that the dragon come and face him in a duel.” THIS IS SO FUNNY TO ME KJFGKHJ the Unhinged Ex energy of it all! the dragon is a little busy battling the dark one, demandred, read the room! i can’t tell you how much this is making me laugh!!

“mat inspected the fellow through the glass. ‘demandred, eh? has he gone a bit dotty, or what?’” mat watching demandred and going “imagine being so obsessed with rand. could not be me!”

in worse news, mat ends up getting his very own slave due to Can’t Kill A Woman behavior, so that’s fun. (he didn’t explicitly reference Can’t Kill A Woman or give any reason for saving the sharan channeler’s life, but i assume this is the reason.) his response to realizing he accidentally enslaved someone: 1) tells tuon she can have her (because slavery is fine as long as HE’S not the one doing it, i guess), and when tuon insists that the channeler is his, 2) “mat shrugged. what else could he do?” i can think of a few things, mat. just a few. “maybe, if the damane belonged to him, he could let her free or something.” all right that’s something at least. now to see if he actually follows through on that after the last battle or if he simply grows ambivalent enough to let her remain damane.........

“has he punished you for that?” “yes. he returned me to life.” wow moridin needs even MORE therapy than rand does

logain’s contingent arrives on elayne’s battlefied. “we came to you first. the black tower stands with the lion of andor.” fistpump! they may have given up on their deadbeat dad, but they went straight to stepmommy elayne the second they had the chance.

“the woman approaching wore fine seanchan silks, and egwene’s stomach turned at the sight. that finery existed because of a foundation of enslaved channelers, forced into obedience to the crystal throne.” GO OFF QUEEN!!!!! but then it turns out that the woman is min, so idk if that’s supposed to make egwene’s moral rant feel humorous or something? also, the narrative has definitely 100% forgotten that da’covale, aka regular non-channeling people, are also slaves (earlier in this book a westlander referred to them as “servants” which i remember seeing quite a bit in the late rj books too)

“‘you should see the things [the seanchan] drink, egwene.’ ‘i’ve seen them,’ egwene said, unable to keep her tone from coldness. ‘oh. yes. i suppose you have.’” absolute dick move by min here. wasn’t she in falme for a long period of time trying to help rescue egwene?? she should be even more aware of egwene’s captivity than mat! why does everybody have such an easy time just Forgetting that their friend was enslaved and traumatized?

“‘i suppose i’m better off with fortuona. she...knows about a certain talent of mine, thanks to mat, and it might let me help her. and you.’ the statement was laden with meaning.” is min actually going to try to use her newfound influence with tuon to take seanchan down from the inside? now that would be an interesting plotline for her. why didn’t this happen to her 7 books ago? i say, axe min as rand’s love interest and instead send her into tuon’s path MUCH earlier on so that she can use her viewings to influence her into having a little smidge of character development, and plus min has known the sul’dam secret since TGH and so might make more headway with tuon there than mat ever bothered to. then have mat stay with rand instead, being his general and a childhood friend to remind him of who he used to be (since mat actually knows the shepherd boy and min does not). they would both be way more useful in the other’s plotline. hell, we can even switch the romances and make min tuon’s love interest and mat rand’s!

egwene on mat: “a carouser, leering at every pretty woman he met. treating her like a painting and not a person.” i’m probably supposed to think egwene is being unfair to mat and misjudging him, but this is literally exactly how he’s been treating women in his own narration ever since WH and even ACOS. since then, every single woman he meets, he describes in terms of whether or not she’s fuckable. this was not the case in the first 6 books.

“he’d jumped into the river to save kiem lewin from drowning. of course, she hadn’t been drowning. she’d merely been dunked under the water by a friend, and mat had come running, throwing himself into the water to help. the men of emond’s field had made sport of him for months about that. the next spring, mat had pulled jer al’hune from the same river, saving the boy’s life...that was how mat was. he’d grumbled and muttered all winter about how people made sport of him, insisting that next time, he’d just let them drown. then the moment he’d seen someone in danger, he’d gone splashing right back in. egwene could remember gangly mat stumbling from the river, little jer clinging to him and gasping, a look of pure terror in his eyes.” 😭😭😭😭😭

“he was a scoundrel and a fool, but she trusted him. light help her, but she did. she’d trust him with her life.” ❤️❤️❤️ i remember when they parted in LOC being so afraid that that was the last time they’d ever see each other, so i’m so happy to see them interact again in this book! even if their one interaction thus far was mat being shitty to egwene. but i have hope that there will be more and better interactions coming.

once again we have mat fretting over how he married an “aes sedai” and not the fact that he married a slaver

“she was something incredible, though. he felt a thrill each time she gave orders; she did it so naturally. elayne and nynaeve could take lessons. tuon did look very nice on that throne.” 🙄🙄🙄 and once again we have mat gushing over how good tuon is at bossing people around, but failing to provide us with any examples of her showing ACTUAL leadership skills. and gushing over how good tuon is at bossing people around when he constantly shits on the wondergirls for a non-malicious and less extreme version of the same behavior. elayne could take lessons? please. unlike tuon and mat, elayne knows that being a ruler is about more than giving orders and looking good on a throne. mat’s “coming to respect nobility” arc, if it had to happen at all, should’ve been him realizing that being a monarch is hard fucking work, rather than declaring that tuon is Not Like Other Nobles when she embodies every single one of his original negative perceptions of them.

but the good part of this passage is that it gives grounds for mat to have a Queen Elayne kink in a better universe, god bless. getting railed by elayne would honestly do him so much good.

“the sul’dam, catrona, almost choked on the words ‘aes sedai.’ mat couldn’t blame her. those could be tough words to speak.” and once again we have mat showing more empathy for the sul’dam than for the aes sedai they think should be enslaved.

“he didn’t look too hard at the damane [whom he accidentally captured]. mat was responsible for her being captured. it was better than her fighting for the shadow, wasn’t it? blood and bloody ashes, he thought to himself. you are doing a fine job of persuading tuon not to use damane, matrim cauthon. capturing one yourself...” sorry, have you EVER tried to persuade tuon not to use damane? this is literally the first time i’ve seen any indication of that, mat. at least he’s feeling some guilt and sense of responsibility right now, for a whole 3 sentences.

“it was unnerving how quickly the sharan woman had taken to her captivity. the sul’dam had all remarked upon it. barely a moment of struggle, then complete subservience.” AKA EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENED TO MAT IN COT

“demandred - despite continuing to rave about the dragon reborn - was continually testing mat’s defenses.” JKJDFGKJJKH KILLING ME AGAIN rafe please give demandred a canon messy gay backstory with LTT because no other justification for this behavior would be as good.

more lines of mat gushing over tuon’s pretty eyes and how much he likes it when she's pleased with him

mat just referred to the sharan channelers as “marath’damane” ugh. but then a paragraph later he mentions “[the seanchan] had started using the term [aes sedai] instead of marath’damane by mat’s order” so that’s good. maybe the prior line i’ll chalk up to it originally being galgan’s line which sanderson then gave to mat and forgot to change “marath’damane” to “channelers” or something.

“he had an inkling of what tuon might be capable of, if she grew displeased with min. he loved her - light, he was pretty sure he did. but he also let himself be a little afraid of her. he’d have to keep watch so that tuon didn’t decide to ‘educate’ min.” okay this is bone chilling. mat is SO CLEARLY in an abusive marriage and a subconscious part of him KNOWS it and is trying to protect min from tuon, though he’s resigned to the thought that it’s too late to protect himself. but the conscious part of him is insisting that he loves tuon, he really does! heartbreaking.

mat spends a whole paragraph talking about how it sucks that seanchan women’s armor doesn’t show boobs and how he ACTUALLY ASKED the armorer if that should be changed. “light, these people had no sense of morality. a fellow needed to know if he was fighting a woman on the battlefield. it was only right.” i’m thinking that in addition to Objectifying Women and Can’t Kill A Woman nonsense, mat is also afraid he might be like “ooh that soldier’s hot!” and then realize it’s a man jdfkjg just accept it mat it’s okay.

“tuon blinked once, looking straight at min. the room seemed to drop into shade, feeling colder. mat shivered. he didn’t like it when tuon got like this. that stare of hers...it seemed like the stare of another person. a person without compassion.” i mean this is literally how she always is? name ONE time when tuon has displayed compassion. also, more “mat being trapped in an abusive marriage and trying to convince himself that it isn’t so and that this isn’t the ~real~ tuon” vibes here.

really interesting scene between tuon and min regarding min’s viewings. tuon attempts to take advantage of the viewings and prevent them from happening, which is a refreshing change from how everyone else just immediately accepted “ah well they can’t be changed, no point trying.” and min stands up to tuon and refuses to share her viewings anymore if tuon will just use them to execute people she suspects of future treason, which is a refreshing change from everyone else having their spine removed when tuon is in the room. see? these two characters play off each other quite well and this plotline/dynamic should’ve been set up way sooner! my 2 most hated characters in the series, yet when they’re together i actually kinda enjoy their interactions lmao it’s witchcraft! probably because min is finally showing an actual personality outside of loving rand now that she’s been separated from him, and because she argues with and challenges tuon and tuon actually listens to her (to an extent) since she’s her truthspeaker.

“if only min would learn a little respect.” mat is literally so scared of his friend getting abused the same way he is, he wants her to just keep her head down.

i love egwene and mat talking in code about his medallion! “do you still have your pet fox?” “i do. he’s snuggled up nice and warm.” “take care of him. i would not see you suffer gareth bryne’s fate.”

mat says “what does elayne want to do? isn’t she in charge?” king shit! respecting her authority and wanting her input, unlike perrin! and then he asks them to make another gateway to get elayne to this meeting so she can discuss with them!

“elayne strode through, thick with child, eyes practically on fire.” mat shaking hands meme with rand and aviendha over commenting on the fire in elayne’s eyes

“she maintained the posture of a queen, but her disheveled hair and clothing burned in several places indicated what she’d been through.” and his earlier description of egwene: “blood and bloody ashes - if he had a soldier with that cast to his skin and that look in his eyes, mat would send the fellow to bed rest for a week.” see, mat? this is what ACTUAL leadership looks like, while tuon has been sitting cozy on her throne letting everyone else do the fighting.

i love to see mat and elayne making battle plans together!!!! power couple!!!!!! tuon could never (she’s just sitting there silently for the whole discussion)

“now, if only [galad] could right [elayne’s] moral compass. she wasn’t a bad person, but galad wished that she - like other monarchs - could see as clearly as he did. he was beginning to accept that they didn’t. he was beginning to accept that it was all right, so long as they tried their best. whatever he had inside of him that allowed him to see the right of things was obviously a gift of the light, and holding others to scorn because they had not been born with it was wrong. just as it would be wrong to hold a man to scorn because he had been born with only one hand, and was therefore an inferior swordsman.” y’all are really trying to tell me that gawyn is the worse trakand brother when galad’s self-righteous holier-than-thou superiority-complex christian-fundamentalist ass is out here behaving like this??? unreal. galad fucking sucks!!!!!!! and has learned absolutely nothing from what morgase was trying to teach him in the last book - his arc should’ve been coming to realize that his view of what’s right isn’t absolute truth, but instead it was coming to accept that it’s okay if other people aren’t as good and perfect as he is because they have not been blessed by the light like he has. bonkers!!!!

like, this is VERY close to how tuon thinks in her povs. this sense of entitlement and enlightenment, this conviction that they are the only ones who know what’s truly right and they must help the ignorant rest of the world see it too - that is BANG ON seanchan thinking.

“he had stopped worrying that his words offended [elayne] long ago. it seemed he couldn’t claim that a day was pleasant or his tea warm without her taking offense somehow. it would have been nice if aybara hadn’t run off. that man was a leader - one of the few that galad had ever met - that one could actually talk to without worrying that he’d take offense.” galad literally being a rightwinger complaining about how easily offended everybody is these days by harmless little things such as being part of a group trying to take away their rights! clearly, elayne is just a special snowflake who’s too sensitive, it’s so unfair that she’s mean to galad! 

no wonder reddit is on galad’s side and whines so much about how immature and prejudiced elayne’s behavior towards him is

the virgin galad (religious zealot, misogynist, joins a group dedicated to oppressing people like his sister and then complains about how mean she is to him about it) vs. the chad gawyn (respects women, devoted his life to protecting his wife, switched sides when he realized that his original side was actively bringing harm to his loved ones)

in conclusion, fuck galad all my homies hate galad. except all my homies DON’T hate galad and so i am alone being old man yells at cloud meme! wake up, my homies! he’s the worst!

there IS a small moment where he instinctively thinks of the whitecloaks as “the whitecloaks” instead of “the children” and is shocked with himself about it, so i guess that’s something. too little too late!

we catch up with faile retrieving the horn from tar valon! wow i completely forgot about that. their conversation at the beginning of the book where they sent her to get it feels like it was 5 books ago.

and aviendha is attacked by some of the aiel male channelers! turns out that when an aiel man can channel they send him to the blight (i’m sure this was mentioned before, i just forgot) and that’s how they all got corrupted by the dark one.

“mat had run off to the seanchan, talmanes to fight alongside queen elayne. one by one, everyone in this group was being eaten by trees, mud, or monsters. why did they all leave olver alone?” “noal...dead. would mat die too?” 😭😭😭

“i am not spending the last battle clinging to a rock! [nynaeve] thought.” my mood exactly lmao we’re on page 600 and she and moiraine have not done anything yet!

it turns out that alanna is in the cavern and is dying, and rand will snap and go crazy if she dies, so nynaeve has to save her but she can’t use saidar because she’s still linked with rand. oh shit!!! it’s nice to see alanna’s bond with rand FINALLY be relevant and have narrative payoff.

egwene is still so ready to help mat escape tuon and the seanchan 😭

mat complains that tuon wants him to sit in judgment. “mat was not going to order men to be executed, and that was that.” okay so then you should sit in judgment and pronounce them innocent rather than avoid jury duty and let other people pronounce them guilty and have them executed? obvious solution here, mat. he complains about elayne and other nobles (gawyn here in this passage) being entitled, yet when HE is given power and privilege that he could potentially use to help others, he does nothing with it. (obviously he’s too busy preparing for the battle to sit in judgment right at this very moment, so that’s fair enough, but his objection IS that he doesn’t want to execute people rather than that he has more pressing duties right now.)

we get 2 little nuggets of the mat-gawyn interactions i’d hoped for in the previous book and didn’t get and i’m delighted!!! “gawyn trakand was apparently practicing to be an aes sedai sometime, because he kept giving mat glares that would have made moiraine proud.” “‘burn me, first rand, then you [egwene]. is everybody going to chivy me about these days? gawyn, you want a turn?’ ‘yes, please.’ he sounded eager. ‘shut up,’ mat said.” JDFGJKHKJHJFG that’s one of my top 10 interactions in the book so far, why did it make me laugh so hard!! could’ve been even better if mat had married elayne and he and gawyn were now annoyed brothers-in-law!

“he could feel something pulling on him, tugging him northward. rand would need him soon.” “he narrowed his eye. rand was tugging on him.” one more cauthor ta’veren pull instance for the road!

“this is it, egwene. take a deep breath, a last pull on the brandy, or burn your final pinch of tabac. have a good look at the ground before you, as it’s soon going to be covered in blood. in an hour, we’ll be in the thick of it. the light watch over us all.” dun dun duuuuuuuun!!!! and the next chapter, titled “the last battle,” is TWO HUNDRED PAGES so i’m calling it a day for this recap.

[cxhleel108]

S7 Thots for this week: Why is everyone here actually delusional asf???

(Apologies for posting this late guys I was very tired when I started writing this…I was also high asf so be mindful of that while you read lol.)

• Oh great now #Raphne is going through shit and everyone’s gonna have to dedicate their whole life to fixing it!

• Bryson laying it on THICC this morning I know dats rightttt😛😛😛

• No seriously why ze fook are we helping them with their issues? I need these people to go back to university or wherever and take a communication course cuz y’all are clearly lacking.

• Tanya so messy for asking that. Girl you know exactly who tf it is why you lowkey telling on yourself like that?😭😭😭

• #Raphne is 100% completely done y’all omg! (Bullshit)

• NO YOU WILL NOT!

• Willow is STILL talking as if anybody give af about what she got to say. Someone get this woman a hobby I’m begginggggg.

• I love having bathing suits worth mentioning now😍

• Ain’t no way they tryna force a argument between me and my partner over this Raf and Daphne mess…bitch.

• WE DONT HAVE TO AGREE ON EVERY SINGLE THING TO BE IN SYNC THATS NOT HOW COUPLES OR HUMANS WORK!

• Talk less sir.

• Why is there always some of the girls trading jealous looks when it comes to this challenge. The point is to literally kiss everyone and y’all still be getting salty, get over it??? Maybe I’m just crazy but I would literally not care.

• Once again Willow is putting on a show for her imaginary friends and nobody in the real world is gagging.

• Wow, now all of a sudden we don’t know how to kiss each other properly because we couldn’t help another couple stop arguing over fucking sheets😕

• How am I having more chemistry with Raf than my own man? God help us.

• Omg Evan came back for me y'all😍😍😍😍😍

• Paying gems magically brings back chemistry to our couple I guess.

• Girl you deserve a 10 backwards.

• That joke bullshit…BOO! CORNY! LAME! 🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅

• Bryson real lucky he’s cute or I wouldn’t allow him to be acting like a 12 year old about his feelings.

• #Raphne is back together woohoo! (They’re literally gonna break it off again as soon as Daphne founds out bout Raf’s crush)

• Don't force me to have a moment with her ew! That ho is NOT my friend.

• There’s quite literally no reason to speak to everyone about the recoupling. NO REASON!

• Outfit time!🤩

• Eat! Eat! Eat!

• Thought Bryson was finna ask us to be his girlfriend right then and there ugh I need him to hurry up.

• CAN YOU ALL LEAVE US THE ABSOLUTE FUCK ALONE LIKE GODDAMN????

• Vicky if you can see how close me and Bryson are then why would you…never mind why even ask at this point.

• Bonnie has been trying to get with Tanya since the beginning of time. Girl just give up PLEASE.

• Girl who tf is you-

• Why did we get dressed up just to go speak to 3 people???????????? Chile anyways it’s outfit time AGAIN✨

• EAT! EAT! EAT!

• LMAOOOO she's such a loser I almost feel bad...almost.

• Uma you know good and well you meant to record them boys fighting. Fuck outta here with that excuse💀

• Y'all will not let Jake REST oh my goodness.

• Oooo y’all the way Bryson is fighting for us…kinda feeling butterflies in my stomach and elsewhere🤭🤭🤭

• Everyone here is so delusional when it comes to Tanya holy fuck. Actually no, this happens every season. Why do some of these people think that just because THEY feel a good connection with MC that automatically means she wants them? Like baby that’s not how this works…

• Oh Bryson don't end half of the villa like that-

• Daphne don’t ask me if I think you and yo man gon make it niece you don’t want my answer to that lmao.

• 🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥂🥂🥂🥂🥂

• Why y’all ain’t make us do a surprise dumping so we could get Willow out? WHY IS SHE STILL HERE SHE LITERALLY HAS NOTHING TO CONTRIBUTE NOW????

• Oh I can tell you how! First, we're gonna walk in there and start marveling at every single thing in the room, specifically the bed, even though we've already been in there. Then, bet y'all won't see this coming, we're gonna find a box filled with naughty things😱😱😱 After that, we get to work and all that can be registered is the feeling of our partner's soft lips and how their hands caress our body in every place possible and then after a while we both reach our climax at the same time. Then our partner says they love us blah blah blah, we get some text about what's happening tomorrow and it's prolly the baby challenge or something equally stupid and ridiculous, and then we cuddle up and go to bed.

• If everything I just said is in next week's hideaway scene, everyone who likes this post owes me $10. I'm just playing, we all know everything I said is definitely happening. Keep your money💖

[helianbot]

Theres been a lot of stuff going on in my personal life that I haven’t really opened up about because I felt bad about it, I’m not really sure why in hindsight but it’s finally over now so I can share

(Prepare for the yap session of a century)

Back in November, my boyfriend’s dad’s partner (who I’ll refer to as B) offered me a job to be her personal assistant and carer, she deals with MS alongside some other chronic illnesses and wanted me to take the job because she knows and trusts me.

I thought this was a fantastic oppurtunity because at the time, I had just left a job that was negatively impacting my mental health (customer service on the phone, I’ll leave it at that) and also to do such a rewarding job with someone I care so much about made me happy.

We both figured the process would be over and done with quickly seeing as in the UK, the need for carers and PAs is sky high and holy fuck, how wrong we were.

Immediately the beginning process had red flags, I would call people in the service who would direct me to other people who would direct me to different people and it was like I was running in circles, and I felt guilty having to ask for B’s help because she’s already chronically ill, she needs me to help her but were in this situation of I can’t help her if she can’t help me and it was just a mess.

Around this time I had moved in with my boyfriend so we could get this stuff sorted out easier and faster, I had to move from the North of the UK to the South where my boyfriend, his dad and B lives.

We had all figured this would have been sorted in two weeks, again, how fucking wrong we were!

For a service that says they need people to become carers, they sure make it basically impossible to do! This is a job that doesn’t actually require formal training or certification in my country, it’s recommended but definitely not required unless working with specific clientele (I took it upon myself to train though as it’s the right thing to do, I don’t have experience with MS and also B has had random symptoms and illnesses sprung up on her as well, she goes blind out of nowhere sometimes and has even had a seizure once)

These two weeks turned into three months and in these three months, I’ve been in a mad panic with my boyfriend to be able to pay our bills such as my car insurance, phone contract, food, necessities

On top of this I got fined up to my eyeballs because the parking situation in the city I currently live in is quite frankly bullshit, like I get it but at the same time I really don’t lmao, I racked up £200+ worth of fines because the council wouldn’t give me a permit I paid for even after providing all of the necessary documents

I did try and find a job in a meantime but nobody wanted to hire me, I was on this shit almost every day for two and a half months and I wasn’t even given a rejection email or phone call, just ignored

I tried to advertise my commissions and I did get some but not nearly enough to cover everything I needed paying, I have friends who were also in financial difficulty open commissions who I also badly wanted to support but literally couldn’t and I felt awful

This whole time I just spent all my time drawing and writing, I had nothing else I could do, I did it because I wanted to and love sharing my art and still do! but I also did it in hopes it would garner some recognition and help me get some commissions - in no way did I want to shove this down people’s throats though and I didn’t want to provide a sob story for a situation I technically got myself into, it wasn’t entirely my fault but I should have been more prepared and less naive

I didn’t want to tell my parents, I didn’t want to admit defeat, I wanted my parents to be proud of me and to not have to worry about their adult kid.

I’m 24, man, I felt so embarrassed about still needing my parents support and in no way do I give people shit for that, I just personally felt ashamed about it considering I had told them I had finally gotten a job that could support me and none of it had actually gone through yet

They ended up finding out because I fine I got that I didn’t know about got sent to their house and I hadn’t paid it so I was being threatened with going to court, I eventually broke down and admitted everything

An hour long conversation on the phone with my mam in tears, I thought she was going to be so angry at me and to my surprise, she wasn’t

We talked it out and we have a plan, I’m going to be going back home for a bit while we sort this all out, I’m so relieved I don’t have to be living a lie to them anymore and my financial situation is no longer in run around, shit yourself and panic mode

The weight that has been lifted feels insane right now

[thatgirlonstage]

Hey have a fucked up TAZ thought for the day. Gently pushing aside Merle and Gundran somehow literally being blood related, the people that the seven birds like grew up with and knew before the IPRE obviously wouldn’t… exist on Faerun. Or even if we take Griffin’s hand-wavey explanation of Gundran and accept that there are some of the same people in this particular planar system, these versions of those people wouldn’t have the faintest goddamn clue who the birds are. From what we’ve seen of the voidfish, it will to an extent overwrite its own inconsistencies, but it doesn’t have the ability to implant totally false memories in disconnected people. Lucretia couldn’t have done that.

And I know we kind of generally agree that all of our birds are orphaned and generally solitary people, which is borne up by none of them (LUCKILY FOR GRIFFIN LMAO) ever randomly being like hey let me roll to see if my dear childhood friend Claire lives in Goldcliff now or something or otherwise referencing connections from their childhood, but like— they couldn’t possibly have known no one at all who was still alive and in touch with them when they blasted off to space.

So like. What if, after the destruction of Raven’s Roost, Magnus actually tried to do the healthy thing first. He’s devastated, he’s not thinking straight, but he’s not quite at fling himself off a cliff in despair levels, so he does what you’re supposed to do: he reaches out to a friend. No one from Raven’s Roost, obviously, but an older friend, someone he met on fantasy study abroad and had maintained a pen pal relationship with for years. He hasn’t written to them recently, of course, bc he’s been so busy with the rebellion, and Julia—he sent them an invitation to his wedding but they must not have been able to come. Or it got lost in the fantasy mail! Shit happens—but he feels sure they wouldn’t turn him away, certainly not in this state. They’d at least give him somewhere to crash for a week, let him sleep through some of the worst of the grief.

He turns up on their doorstep and they’re—not there. According to the gnome couple that live there, they’ve never been there. This has been the gnome couple’s house for 120 years. No one of the name Magnus is giving has lived here since before he was born.

He asks around town. Goes to the school he studied at and asks for records. Literally hires a divination wizard to try a scry because he’s fucking desperate at this point.

This person, this person Magnus got sloppy drunk with, who got into a bar fight back to back with him, who helped him struggle through Elvish grammar and cantrip lessons, who wrote to him about the gorgeous half-orc boy they wanted to marry, who sent him chocolate every Candlenights, this person doesn’t. Fucking. Exist. Has never existed, as far as Magnus or anyone else can tell.

Spooked, and grieving no less, and seriously afraid for his friend’s well being, Magnus thinks okay. Okay. He needs help. He needs perspective. He tries someone else, someone maybe a little more distant but still reliable. An old school coach, maybe. Someone who gave him his first sparring sessions when he was training to be a fighter.

That man did exist, but he’s been dead for eight years according to people in town. Which isn’t fucking possible, because Magnus saw him for lunch four years ago.

Okay. Okay. Okay. Someone else. Who else can he talk to.

He goes to a town where he once spent a summer interning for a dog trainer. He learned so much there. It would be good to be around dogs again.

The woman he trained with has no memory of him at all. She doesn’t recognize him, she doesn’t recognize his name, she doesn’t believe him when he says he knows her. She doesn’t recognize half the dogs he talks about. She chases him off her property, accusing him of trying to steal from her, although he hadn’t asked for anything.

The next one was dead too.

The next one didn’t know him either.

The next one didn’t exist.

Magnus’s family, friends, and acquaintances are a string of “dead” “don’t remember him” or “apparently, never fucking real” until he says fine, fucking fine. He’s not the type to spiral into despair. He’ll do some good before he goes out.

But he is going to go out.

Because if no one still alive even knows who he is, what is he living for?

[fin-the-fissssssh]

yo hatchetfield oc post time :P (1st pic is a picrew, 2nd and 3rd are my art)

Harper Kimura

Pronouns: she/they

Age: 19

Height: 5’2”

Birthday: February 5th

Gender: Cis Female (gnc as fuck tho lmao)

Sexuality: Omnisexual

Parents: Yuto and Ren Kimura

Significant Other: Phoebe Brooks (another hf oc, i’ll make a post abt her one day when i have more lore figured out)

i stg one day i’ll make an updated ref of them with color sobs

fun facts/lore

voice claim is kimiko glenn (bc comedy)

japanese-american 3/4 japanese, 1/4 white)

they have an emotional support doggo (fuckin big ol grey akita ouppy) named mochi :D

harper and phoebe live together! they have an apartment

they’re kinda flatchested but tbh they couldn’t give less of a fuck

they have a lotus flower tattoo in memory of their parents on their shoulder blade (like. back shoulder. idk anatomy lmfao) :((

they do actually have living relatives! harper’s grandparents on her dad’s side are both alive, just out of state, and her grandma on her mom’s side lives in clivesdale (only to stay away from the starry children, she fucking hates clivesdale still), tho her maternal gpa is dead unfortunately :((

one of the few things she kept from childhood was the necklace with the blue crystal pendant from her mom, she was given it the night before her parents died

harp actually has a nice singing voice, but they REFUSE to sing bc of pokey, the most they do is hum or vary rarely sing along to the radio

so harper’s connected to pokey.

think like,,, venom parasite minus the transformation stuff. harper was forced to be a vessel for pokey in a ritual by the starry children, but the ritual never got to finish. harp’s still kinda tethered to pokey and a bit infected. they wanna be a pilot one day and leave hatchetfield with phoebe but *god* it’s hard when there’s an eldritch horror who sometimes pops into their thoughts or dreams to fuck with em.

backstory (subject to change bc i’m indecisive as fuck <3)

Harper used to be a happy kid, until the Starry Children came for her family, both to claim harper to eventually be a temporary vessel for pokey, and because they had a grudge against her parents since they witnessed some of the shit the cult was up to. Harp was hidden away the night her parents died, and suddenly the Starry Children came in pretending to be her rescuers and that they couldn’t save her parents in time. The last thing from home they saw before the door closed were their parents’ bodies :(( and they didn’t even know that their ‘rescuers’ were the fuckers that ruined their life for a ritual until years later. Early on, Harper was forced to act formal and “perfect” in order to suit Pokey, and eventually the ritual happened, but it went pretty badly since Harper was still young and fought back against the literal parasite trying to invade. It left her with a giant, crack-like scar across her chest tho and permanent blue eyes. I’d like to think that early on, Harp doesn’t actually understand Pokey’s the one fucking with her head/the cause of the infection, and instead she thinks he’s some imaginary friend for a bit. The Starry Children completely isolated her from any family she had, including her grandma, who thought she died with her parents. The cult paid for Harp's education and stuff, but they grew up a really lonely and timid kid.

When they finally turned 16, the cult planned to try the ritual again. Overhearing that, she made a plan to escape and before the ritual started, they managed to get out. not without losing an eye to a cult member tho. They made it to the HFPD and with the funds they still had left, Harp did their best to keep living and go to hf high. They were able to finally reunite their grandma, and with her help was able to graduate. (Even tho her gma lives in clivesdale, Harper refused to become a clivesdale chemist. fuck no. They would rather drive all the way to hf high) Post-high school, she developed a more snarky, grumpy persona after the trauma she endured, but in reality, she’s still just scared of ever encountering the cult again. They could get her any time she wanted to in her mind, but in reality the cult gave up after Pokey demanded a different vessel instead. They’re in a relatively better place now, living peacefully with Phoebe, who they treasure above all else, and they’re still really close with their gma :D

[bitter-sweet-coffee]

You there, person with outrageous driving habits.

Give us your Stardew Valley driving headcanons for whoever you want tbh.

WHICH ONE OF YOU SENT THIS LMAO

okay uhhh i was gonna do all the characters but i’m tired and want to go back to fishing so here, have just the bachelors and bachelorettes

ALEX: you’d expect him to be kinda reckless, but he drives like an old person (gee, i wonder why?). his mom was a reckless driver so sometimes he thinks about driving with a bit more chutzpah, but then granny evelyn’s scowl pops back in his head and he slows down hehehehe

ELLIOT: passenger prince, cannot drive for shit. backseat drives like he can, though. if you put me in a car with him i’d drive myself off a fucking cliff

HARVEY: you’d think he’d be a good driver, right? WRONG! he overchecks his mirrors for the first 10 minutes and then proceeds to forget they exist whenever he should be checking his mirrors. signals for lanes that split organically (you can get away with not signalling for these) but then can’t merge for shit. absolute disaster. when there’s people behind him he does the speed limit but then if it’s open road he’ll do 30 over by accident. absolute menace, do not drive with him

SAM: surprisingly good driver! he just plays his music too loud and will maybe spend too much time looking over at his passengers. has never used his turn signal. irrational fear of roundabouts

SEBASTIAN: anxious driver, prefers to be a navigator and passenger prince. he is the only member of ASS with a full licence though so on the off-chance they do a roadtrip, he has to drive, and is absolutely terrified. sam and abigail call him a party pooper for being too serious and telling them to shut up when he gets on the highway because it scares him, but he means well. (NOTE: you said driving, not riding. he is fearless on his motorcycle but you put him in a honda civic and he starts whimpering)

SHANE: the best driver out of all the bachelors. actually knows what he’s doing, as he had to drive regularly before he moved back with marnie. the “roadtrip” when he and jas came to pelican town is a core memory for her, as he still uses a casette player for his music. she got to pick all the tapes for them to sing along to :3

—

ABIGAIL: dare i say the worst driver on this list? she talks too much, knows none of the road rules, and can’t even get her G1/learner’s permit because she genuinely couldn’t care less. pierre tried to teach her so many times before giving up

EMILY: is surprisingly good at driving. the most average driver there is, sure, but compared to literally almost everyone else she’s fantastic.

HALEY: two words for you— ROAD RAGE. all her elegant composure dies behind a wheel, she is tailgaiting while everyone is already doing 30 over because you either pull over and get the fuck out of her way or prepare to be rearended. she drifts every fucking turn and is one of the only characters who can drive stick

LEAH: embarrassed that she can’t drive and pretends she can. kel actually taught her, but she doesn’t have a license. the few times she has driven, her motto was “i can’t get caught unless i get caught, so just avoid cops at all cost”

MARU: she’s very alex-coded but isn’t as much of a stickler for the rules (read as: she knows where all the speedtraps are and times every set of lights perfectly to know when to gun it past a yellow lmao)

PENNY: you might be expecting me to say she’s a nervous driver but she’s actually probably the most calm behind a wheel. she knows a lot about car repairs and has the bus manual memorized so she’s great at driving and basic mechanics! pam jokes that she has a nerdy pitcrew to always lend her a hand with a bus which penny finds embarrassing, yet endearing.

[strawberrybyers]

idk thinking about what the cast has said and all the details throughout stranger things, volume 2 doesn’t add up! idk something’s off. vecna gets to your head. he alters reality. maybe they’re portraying the events in a weird way because it’s not reality? like the 2 day time jump was really awkward. the cut to nancy, steve, and robin going through donation boxes was not the next scene i was expecting. it felt like something in the middle was missing. also, i don’t know if it’s because it had been 3+ hours of intensity and action, then it moved to a more solemn tone quite awkwardly and quickly, but when hopper and el reunited, i didn’t feel as emotionally moved by it the way i thought i would. the energy felt a little off to the point i was anticipating something bad to happen. i kept thinking “oh shit vecna is messing with el this isn’t actually hopper”, but no the scene kept going. we then see mike hug hopper. i’m sure mike does care and love hopper, so him hugging hopper isn’t my issue, it’s the fact he hugs hopper and we understand he’s hugging him because he’s been gone, but we know with will they’ve been separated too but he couldn’t hug will and yet don’t know why? this is the beginning of my villain origin story i stg.

and why did they make el and mike have this big “i love you” issue and have it be mike’s only conflict then the season ends and he says “they’ve barely talked to each other”? they never talk about anything ever lmao. that’s what i don’t get about their relationship. the season starts off with mike not being able to say he loves her, but then is able to when will tells him he’s the heart? why did he have to hear that from will? el was literally in tears, begging him to say “i love you” and he still couldn’t say it, but i’m supposed to believe they’re an endgame couple? 😂 i understand they’re 14/15 years old, but lumax is written really well! even suzie and dustin who have only had 4 minutes of screen time together make more sense. el and mike just barely have any development in regards to their relationship. mike doesn’t have any character development at all. they literally assassinated his character for no reason lol. also, el’s arc has been about her finding autonomy and i thought the way they’ve written her discovery to independence, finding family and loving herself was really good. i just feel like her storyline doesn’t fit in with mike. i’m sorry but there’s not much there in my opinion. we’re going into season 5 and they still feel like two people who barely know each other.

and since when can el bring people back to life? why did karen have her own poster if she had like 5 minutes or less of screen time? a poster is an advertisement for the show. the poster is giving a hint as to what will happen in the plot, but karen isn’t even involved in the main plot. she’s completely oblivious to everything lol. then noah said they’re building up byler, but in what way were they building it up? if anything they just brought it down. will and mike barely even feel like friends anymore. why are we going into season 5 still dealing with the nancy/jonathan/steve love triangle? then the parallels between will and henry/vecna/001 couldn’t have been coincidental, right? they both talk about not being able to fit in. they both have experience with the upside down. they even have will dressed like the child version of henry. will is one of the main characters who has an intense tie to the upside down and yet it hasn’t been fully explored for 2 seasons. why did vecna keep him alive? vecna never even mentions will. i’m just wondering in a very delusional way if there’s something else at play? could it be that volume 2 feels so chaotic and messy because it’s supposed to be? i have no idea anymore does anyone have any thoughts

[mojowitchcraft]

hi, I want you to know that "living in a lunar spell" lives fully rent free in my head.

so much so that I either dreamed or hallucinated that chapter 6 had been uploaded a couple days ago. I was fully convinced it actually happened lol

then when I went to go read it just now I was severely disappointed to find that it was a figment of my imagination lmao

Okay this is actually so sweet I wanna cry 🥹

But then I want to cry for you cause chapter 6 still isn't done 😬 I had a bad cocktail of writers block, procrastination, busy real life, and writing for two holiday exchanges that got in the way of my plan to post one chapter a week.

All I can promise at this point is that I'm working on it, and it'll get posted as soon as it's done!

For now, here's a long snippet of a scene I first jotted down the idea for months ago. Our boy Dustin is home from camp!!

👐💌🦇 🍦

“Again, Batty? Really?” Dustin says with the most sour-puss judgmental expression on his stupid little face. “Yeah? So what, dude, I didn’t know what to call him! That seemed like the simplest thing.” Steve adds, looking pointedly at Robin. “Rather than giving him an actual name like a pet, or something.” Robin doesn’t need to know that he already considers Batty his pet and he’s not planning on getting rid of him any time soon. Dustin sends him a flat look, “Steve, come on, literally anything else would be better.” “I’m inclined to agree with our weird little friend here,” Robin interjects. “You really couldn’t do better, Harrington?” Steve throws his arms up, “I’ve never had to name a pet before, sue me!” He points at Dustin, “This is rich coming from a kid with a cat called Mews…oh wait, it’s Tews now, isn’t it? How original.” Dustin glares at him, “Don’t speak ill of the dead, Steven. And my mom named them, do you want me to tell my mom that you don’t like what she named her cats? I think she’d be less inclined to have you over for dinner again.” “Alright, alright, pulling out the big guns.” Steve says, raising his hands in surrender. “What about D’Art though? What in the hell kind of name is that, Henderson?” “What about it? D’Artagnan is a perfectly respectable name,” defends Dustin, voice going squeaky. “Where the heck did you pick that up? It’s nonsense,” snipes Steve. “D'Artagnan is the protagonist in The Three Musketeers,” Robin answers matter-of-factly, and Dustin gestures to her. “See! Common knowledge, not my fault you’ve never read a book in your life.” “Hey!” Steve protests. He knows Dustin is being a little shit, that he doesn’t really mean it like that cause he doesn’t know that Steve struggles with reading and has always been kind of sensitive about it. Steve pinches the bridge of his nose and takes a breath, “Fine, we can rename Batty…how about,” he snaps, “Henderson what were those little teddy bear guys from Star Wars called? He’s cute like one of those.” “They’re called Ewoks. Seriously Steve, do you not pay attention? And how many times do I have to tell you that it’s Episode VI: Return of the Jedi,” Dustin snarks, continuing to try Steve’s patience. The attitude of this kid, Jeez. “Fine, so we’ll call him Ewok then.” Robin snorts, “Ewok is their race, not their actual name.” “Fine! You two pick a name then!” Steve says, exasperated it’s easier to just let them have their way sometimes. Batty is his and he’ll call him whatever he wants when they’re alone anyway.

Hope that holds you over Anon, and takes away the sting of Chapter 6 not being done yet!

👋 also hi, hello, if you're reading this and you're new here and want to read the fic you can find Chapters 1-5 available on ao3 here:

Living In A Lunar Spell 🦇🍦

[bichachonacho]

I’m literally screaming crying throwing up at that last chapter omg you are so talented!

If I was reader it would have been the final nail in the coffin for me the moment he didn’t stand up for me or chastise his mistt when she disrespected reader during dinner IN FRONT OF THEIR FAMILY INCLUDING THE FUCKING QUEEN I understand stand that witchcraft and being a bastard doesn’t really matter in our society but in theirs it’s a pretty big deal so please take what I’m about to say with several grains of salt as this does not in anyway shape or form reflect my real views and is merely an interpretation of what I think their world would be like. When a woman in Alys position disrespects a member of the royal family and just gets away with it unscathed? Seems very unlikely I should assume Alicent will be kicking her out and banning her from ever setting foot in court again at the very least as punishment for bringing that kind of disrespect to her home. I mean she was already displeased with her son for only bringing her to their home, I can only imagine how royally pissed she is at him for making them all break bread with his whore and letting her disrespect his wife. Alicent is portrayed as a strict traditional woman so it makes sense that she would be okay with adultery but absolutely NOT with disrespect to the royal family, honestly I wouldn’t be surprised if she wanted Alys executed for treason. Aemond is going to be in big trouble for: disobeying his mothers orders of sending her home, parading her around the castle, the whole dinner disrespect situation and giving her a room. Like how long is he expecting to keep her their before white anglo-saxon protestant mommy rips both their heads off? My guy is making some bad choices

I also think that if he ever had the fucking audacity to request reader performs her marital duties that she would just lay there waiting for it to be over not even making a sound and leaving as soon as he finishes. His heart would break when he thinks about how Brandon could make her feel loved and give her pleasure but he couldn’t even get a reaction out of her besides maybe mild annoyance(no way she would cum with how angry she is at him and royals are often portrayed as bad at sex because no one is willing to lose their head by giving them bad feedback so I don’t have high hopes of his sexual prowess(does he know what a clit is? Would Aegon tell him? I think Aegon wouldn’t because it be funnier not to say anything and just let him be bad at sex. I doubt Alys would dare complain about bad sex when in the story we have already seen him snap at her just because he didn’t like her words))

I also love how Aegon is just being a little shit stirring instigator and how Helaena is just happy to chat with reader not having a care in the world. Both very in character

This analysis is getting kinda long so I’ll stop now. Can you add me me to your taglist? I forgot to ask last time

Also if you haven’t made a final decision on a Brandon face claim yet I vote Aaron Taylor Johnson because he is just so dreamy

Thank you!! and omg yeah I’m pretty sure Alys would’ve gotten way more of a punishment & deadass wouldn’t have been allowed to even sit with them at the dinner table 💀 I just threw that in for dramatic effect lmao. But omg yes like she might find it less enjoyable with him because she’s not on good terms with him.

Aegon stays true to his actual character I had to make sure he was just as much of a little shit on here as he is in the show 😭 & yesss ofc I’ll add you! Honestly I love Aaron so you can defs imagine him as the face claim, I won’t make a decision on behalf of everyone since some people want Henry cavill and i love both 😭

[trashmouth-richie]

OKAY. I just binged all chapters of Twinflames lmao

First of all….I loved so many quotes from Twinflames!! (To name a few)

“Stealing, dealing, Victor Creelin”

“I’m talking hot and heavy like a ‘57 Chevy type of shit.”

“I don’t give a fat rat's ass where you live. As long as you don’t try to kill me I could give shit less”

Second, Eddie helping Reader through a panic attack over the phone??? I’ve been there and definitely felt that! (Blessed that I have someone who’s done it for me many times🖤😭)

This series is so good!! It went from 0 to 60 real fast with that smut LOL. I didn’t know how I’d feel about the whole cheating thing (in real life I’d be like “fuck that noise.” But it’s a fic and they’re literal soulmates so it’s fine LMAO). But I’m so excited to see where this story goes!!! Thank you for tagging me! I can’t believe it took me so long to find it!🖤🥹😚🤌🏽

^me waiting to read more🤣

@b-irock 😫😭😭😪 I’m so glad you liked it!!

Stealing, Dealing Victor Creelin will go down as one of my favorites. 🤭

Ah yes the panic attacks, I had one this past summer that was especially bad and my sister helped with through it over the phone. I’m so glad you also have someone help you through it 🤧🤧❤️

The cheating was hard to write, I knew I definitely didn’t want them to have sex before she broke sit off with Steve just because I don’t think Eddie would be down like that in this story. I have read fics where Eddie is and they’re amazing, I just couldn’t execute them in the way they should be done.

I try to post every other day ! depending on how long the chapter is. I just realized The fic is on day 3 and we are on chapter 6 🫠🫠 it’s slow moving but with lots of detail 😅😅🫣

THANK YOU!

For loving it as much as I do!!!!!!!!!

[sonnysonder]

Brainrotting over Stranger Things quickly devolves into a lunatic’s manifesto more at eight

 Sorry I've been so inactive with the clan gen blog and such. My mom finally got me to watch stranger things and i’m so hooked now it’s not even funny. I’ve been watching one episode every day and since all the Stranger Things confession blogs have been dead in the water for years i’m just going to obsess here if that’s okay okay thank you 

At the time of writing this i’m like,,,, halfway through season two I think? I’m at the ep where they rescue Hopper from the DEATH PUMPKIN FARM (Trademark) So no spoilers for anything after that please

(Also these are my own opinions and also i’m only halfway through the show so they are subject to change. Also I might exaggerate my feelings to get my point across okay okay thank you)

ANYWAY>

I actually watched the first two episodes a good few years back and even back then I instantly fell in love with Barbara, and now I’ve fallen in love all over again and i’m NOT embarrassed to say that she is my FAVORITE and the BEST Stranger Things character ever and NOBODY compares. I was really sad when she died she’s so pretty and responsible and she had so much potential :((((

Idk if this is a hot take or not but am I the only one who thinks Jonathan and Steve are both terrible lmao. Like I get that the show WANTS you to root for Jonathan cause he’s the nice guy who’s buwwied and who’s so much bedder than Steve the fucking meanie but when I was watching that I was like NO??? JONATHAN TOOK PICTURES OF HIS CRUSH HAVING SEX WITHOUT HER PERMISSION AND WHEN HE WAS CONFRONTED ABOUT IT HE WENT “B-b-b-but you were being the real you and I thought that was nice 🥺” AND THEN SHE JUST FORGAVE HIM????? I literally couldn’t give less of a shit that he was in a rough place with his brother missing either THAT IS CREEP BEHAVIOR. Like I get that he’s become a better person since then but it’s just so,,,, ICKY.... that I can’t get over it.

On to Steve, him breaking Jonathan’s camera is literally his only W so far he’s just,,,, SO,,,,, FUCKING,,,,, MORONIC,,, I literally wanted to punch the screen during the Halloween party bathroom scene. Like WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU STEVE LOOK AROUND YOU. Nancy was DRUNK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND MOURNING HER DEAD FRIEND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND FORCED TO KEEP IT A SECRET FROM THAT FRIEND’S PARENTS WHO ARE SELLING THEIR HOUSE TO HIRE PEOPLE TO SPEND THE REST OF THEIR LIVES LOOKING FOR A DAUGHTER WHO THEY DON”T EVEN KNOW IS DEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And you’re only response to all of that is “Y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-you don’t love me??? 🥺” My mom said that he gets the piss kicked out of him every season and to that I say GOOD!!!!! Knock some sense into that entitled arrogant blowhard lmao

The worst part is that this all could have been avoided if Nancy just smartened up and dated Barb, the only reasonable option, from the start /hj

Like...Nancy...sweetie...I love you...but for FUCKS sake stop letting these guys string you along and walk all over you oh my god

Sorry I just have VEEERY strong opinions on love triangles most of the time I can be normal go ahead stick your fingers between the bars of my cage I won’t bite i’ll be good

Anyways I also love Eleven she’s so sweet and I love her hair :) 

Hopper is cool but he also pisses me off sometimes

Why does Will look like 3 years younger than Mike Dustin and Lucas

Maybe i’m too empathetic but Joyce falling apart when Will was missing was so sad and just the vibes alone from the first season took my breath away. Winona Ryder is so FUCKING GOOD YUM YUM YUM 

Dustin’s cat Mew Mew looked a little too much like my cat so when it showed Dart eating it I was like AAAAAAAAAAA WHYYYY DDDDDD:

Max is so annoying she switches up so fast and then switches back even faster it’s like MAKE UP YOUR MIND like I thought i’d like her but no

Why am I feeling so strongly about this funny little mystery show what is this feeling what has mother done to me