#i was like eh if I tell mum she’ll worry and she might stop me working tomorrow (today) and I need the money for freshers :

[hella1975]

i got home from work last night and when i was getting dressed in the bathroom i literally fucking passed out i have NO idea why i was literally stood there and then it went black and i fell and whacked my head and my only reaction was ‘wtf’ and i came out and said to my sister ‘hey did you hear that crash just now?’ and she went ‘no fuck off’ and i was like ‘….. i mean i just fucking fainted but okay’ and she paused for a second to frown at me and just went ‘you should tell mum’ and i went ‘no <3’ and that was that and idk why that’s so funny to me but it is

[chilly-me-softly]

Every Little Thing’s Gonna Be Alright • Chapter 24

Chapter 1 - Chapter 2 - Chapter 3 - Chapter 4 - Chapter 5 - Chapter 6 - Chapter 7 - Chapter 8 - Chapter 9 - Chapter 10 - Chapter 11 - Chapter 12 - Chapter 13 - Chapter 14 - Chapter 15 - Chapter 16 - Chapter 17 - Chapter 18 - Chapter 19 - Chapter 20 - Chapter 21 - Chapter 22 - Chapter 23

And there's the end! Thanks to everyone who read, left comments or liked it. My longest story ever, a real pain 😅. I admit I got a little lost here and there but I enjoyed writing it. There will be more chapters but I still have to decide some things so I don't know if or when they will be published... anyway I hope you like this last one x

The situation at home is awkward. Evelyn wanted to find the right moment to talk to her brother but that moment never seemed to come. She would stare at him, spend most of her time with him and yet she couldn't get those words out of her mouth. Engrossed in her own head, she hadn't noticed that the same thing was happening on the other side. Ben had an important decision to make too, or maybe he had already made it and it was only communicating it that scared him.

And one evening Evelyn had just put Cece down but didn't want to go to bed so she slowly closed the bedroom door behind her and made her way to the living room. But in the silence of the house she changes her mind and slips into Ben's room, settling into his bed and holding him close.

He immediately sighs squeezing her back, "What are you doing?"

"Remember how many times mum nearly had a heart attack because she couldn't find me in bed and I was sleeping with you?"

"How can I forget... when you slept alone I worried" she chuckles softly before sighing.

"I miss that. Being young and not having the world on my shoulders and being able to hide in my big brother's arms and feel better immediately"

"We're grown up, but that doesn't mean you can't count on me no matter what" for a moment she thinks she might burst into tears at any second, but she takes a deep breath closing her eyes to calm herself. "Even though we'll be far apart, we'll always be there for each other. Promise me Lyn"

"Ben" for a moment she thinks he knows, but it can't be. Jack promised her that he would give her all the time she needed and at the very least give her a heads up. So she tries to turn to look at him as if she could see him in the dark, but his grip is so firm she can't so she sighs "I promise, I promise"

There's silence for a few moments in the room before Ben sighs and releases his news, the one he's been holding in for a while now. "I might be a Chelsea player next season"

Evelyn snaps to her seat as soon as she processes those words, making a fuss to lean over and turn on the light hitting Ben in the process. "WHAT? Oh sorry! Ben that's great"

"Shh don't wake Cece up" Ben pulls her down but she gets back up again, resting her elbow on the mattress and looking at him proudly.

"You know I always knew you were destined for great things"

"Fly down. I said I might, it's nothing official yet"

"Well they'd be really stupid to let you go at this point: you're talented, you're a hard worker and you've got a pretty face too which never hurts" the two giggle as Ben lightly hits Evelyn with his foot and she then sits back down, her arm almost tingling.

"Why don't you look happy B?"

"I am" he states bringing his knees up to his chest and resting his arms on them, his hands brushing against each other from time to time.

"But there's something that doesn't make you live this moment to the fullest. Is it Deb?" she asks, but he's already shaking his head.

"I'll ask her to come with me if I accept" he admits slightly embarrassed as always when it comes to his personal life, but still sharing a smile with his sister who knows what it means. And she wishes them all the best because they deserve it, and not because they are the two people who have been closest to her in the last period but because they are good together and deserve all the good things that can happen to them.

"Is that for me?" Evelyn doesn't even give him time to think about changing subject, seeing him shift awkwardly from his seat sighing slightly.

"It's just... I worry about you. And Cece. It scares me to leave you here alone, because I can't ask you to follow me. Not now that you've found some kind of normality anyway"

"Ben" his name comes out more or less as a whisper, she doesn't even know if he heard it frankly. So she clears her throat slipping towards him and moving even closer, "We said you wouldn't worry about us any more than you have to"

"How can I?" when he looks up Evelyn can clearly see his inner struggle, and her stomach clenches in a painful grip. "I know I'm not her father but I love her, I love you and I can't help but worry about you as well since we live together"

"Benjamin James Chilwell are you really thinking of not taking the chance of a lifetime for a burbler and a whiner?" Evelyn tries to keep a straight face as she nonchalantly wipes away a tear that is silently rolling down her cheek.

"Family. For my family"

"Damn it Ben" she hits him on the arm between his laughter as she thinks it's now or never, if she doesn't tell him right then it's going to get harder and harder and she'll end up telling him the day she leaves. So she takes a deep breath.

"You know it's a good thing then that Jack asked us to move in with him. And that I said yes" next thing she knows she's on her back on the mattress with Ben moving his fingers over her body making her laugh and her trying to free herself.

"I can't believe it, what a bastard! You could've told me sooner!"

"Eh what can I say... I feel a certain pleasure in seeing you struggling" she sneers still trying to catch her breath as he drops down beside her.

"I promised you Ben, this time will be different. I won't make the same mistake twice" his hand goes to intertwine with hers, "Accept that contract if you think it might be the right move for your career, Cece and I will always be there to support you even if we can't see each other every day"

"I love you"

"I'm proud of you"

-

"Damn it!"

"Are you okay babe?" Jack yells from the other room where he and Cece are watching TV.

"Yeah" Evelyn lets him know clenching her teeth as she glances at the dog and places the container in her hand on the table.

"You need to stop that okay? One of these days I'm going to break something. Or you can hurt yourself"

"Babe who are you talking to?" Jack walks into the kitchen confused as she rolls her eyes.

"Your dog. He always has to get in the way"

"He just wants to play" he chuckles taking the dog and giving it some attention, "Look"

"It's annoying. I almost regret when he kept his distance as soon as we got here. And no, don't look at me like that. You have to stop"

Before she can say or do anything else, Cece comes running crashing into Evelyn's legs and laughing making Evelyn sigh just looking at Jack. He chuckles giving the dog one last pat before letting him go, "He just wants to play babe"

"I want to play babe" the little one states nodding as Evelyn picks her up, eyebrows arched in surprise.

"What did you just say?" the little girl repeats smiling as Jack hides a smile with his back to the two washing his hands.

"No no. Mh-mh. I'm not babe for you, I'm mommy"

"But he calls you that!"

"He's my boyfriend, he can"

"I can too! I'm your girl" Evelyn sighs knowing she can never win that battle, while Jack can't contain himself anymore and bursts out laughing.

"This is all your fault"

"How come?"

"You're a bad influence on her"

"Nah that's not true, she loves me. You love me don't you?" the little one agrees nodding as Jack pokes her tummy.

"Oh yeah? Well since you two get along so well, you can give her a bath tonight" she handed the little girl, who immediately wrapped her arms around his neck, winking at him.

"Yay! Lots of bubbles Jack?"

"As many as you want" and as the two of them walk away discussing the big plan that is taking a bath, Evelyn looks at them smiling getting lost in her thoughts.

Although it wasn't her first move, it was certainly the heaviest of all. Both emotionally and physically. Packing up her things and watching Ben do the same felt reassuring, but as soon as she remembered the different paths they were about to take, the nostalgia came flooding in. But there wasn't enough time to dwell on everything that Cece was calling for her attention and so it was back to square one, choosing what to pack for the moment and what not to, looking after the baby, spending time with Ben before going their separate ways...

Jack had made sure she had everything she needed, to make her feel as welcome as possible. They'd taken time to get everything set up, to make his house theirs, and she'd slowly gotten used to calling it home. And she really hoped it would be the last trip for her daughter, a permanent arrangement.

And she didn't have any big problems at the moment except for that dog. She'd never had a chance to complain about it, even when they came and went from that house the animal's behaviour had always been impeccable. He and Cece made a well-matched pair and there had been times when she'd actually thought about giving them both away, but then Jack would always calm her down. Recently though, he'd started following her around, getting in her way more than once or simply resting his face on her legs when they were on the couch watching TV. Talking to Deb about it, the girl had suggested that maybe her period hormones were the cause of the animal's sudden attachment to her, a hypothesis she had immediately ruled out because, firstly, it had never happened before and, secondly, she wasn't on her period.

However, that chat had put something in her mind, something she had not yet given a chance to sink in and had not yet checked above all.

"I wanna another baby" Jack surprises her that night after a thousand stories to put Cece to bed, alone in the living room brightened by the shades of light from the screen.

She looks at him. All she can think about is his choice of words. There had been moments: the first time Cece had called him dad, the time he had referred to her as his daughter, the first time she had referred to him as daddy in such a natural way. Yet each time, having the certainty that he considers her his despite everything, is like the first time. Like he'd never done it before. "Another?"

"Yeah. I want to add another member to this family, give our daughter a sibling. Can you imagine?" Evelyn can't speak, she's visibly emotional and Jack notices this as he replaces his dreamy expression with a more concerned one.

"I don't want to push you though if you don't feel like it yet. I know I'm not her father, well at least not biologically, and I don't want you to think it's for-"

"I think I'm pregnant" she then interrupted him giving voice to that thought that had been torturing her for a couple of days and it took him a moment to process those words.

"What? That fast?" and she laughs straddling him taking his face in her hands, leaving a tender kiss on his lips.

"I'm going to be a father?" he murmurs, his eyes sparkling as his hands go to brush against what is her stomach.

"I don't know for sure yet. I still have to take a test but I'm optimistic"

"Why haven't you taken one yet?"

"I guess I was scared. Last time I was pregnant I..."

"Oh honey, listen to me. I'm not leaving you anytime soon, okay? If you're pregnant, if you're carrying my baby right now... leaving you is the last of my thoughts. Trust me"

"I know that. I just-"

"Need someone to remind you of that once in a while. And that's what I'm here for" Evelyn leans in again to kiss him before standing up and offering him her hand which he accepts without hesitation.

"Where are we going?"

"To find out the truth"

-

Evelyn and Jack look at each other, unable to hold back a smile as Ben enjoys Cece sitting on his lap, helping her with the slice of bread in front of her. Since they had gone their separate ways, those lunches were commonplace to spend time together and they had learned to treasure those moments.

"Uncle B" Cece lifted her head bringing a crumb to the boy's lips, "what's a little sibling?"

"Oh...well a sibling is someone you'll love dearly when mum and dad have another b- wait" Ben lifts his head looking at the two in front of him, "A sibling? Why are she asking me about a sibling? Lyn" a glance is worth a thousand words as surprised and incredulous happy expressions appear on both of their faces before they get up to hug them.

"I knew it! I knew there was something different about you today!" Ben holds Evelyn tightly to him after putting Cece down, overjoyed for his little sister and the new life that will soon fill their lives.

"The dog, he knew all along"

"You 're damn right" Evelyn chuckles at Deb's statement as the boys look at them confused as they play dumb.

"I'm sorry man, this time it's your turn to take all the whining"

"Hey! Watch your mouth" Evelyn points her finger at him as Jack hugs her from behind, one hand going to gently caress her side.

"It's true! You used to cry a lot, about everything"

"Not about everything"

"A lot" Ben insists on pointing out, as his sister sticks her tongue out.

"Eh it is a bit true" Jack puts in earning a dirty look from her trying to push him away, "but I don't care. I'm ready to experience it fully, with the good and the bad too"

Later that day everyone seems to have collapsed around the living room, everyone except the two brothers. Ben signals for Evelyn to go out into the garden and the two of them walk off without waking anyone up.

"Quite a nice day" the boy relaxes on the deck chair in the green space closing his eyes for a moment as she settles down next to him.

"You called me out here to talk about the weather?" she teases him turning her head to look at him.

"And to tell you that I'm proposing to Deb this weekend"

"Ben! I can't believe you kept this from me all day" a gasp as she smacks him on the arm.

"It's not like I could exactly yell it out" he excuses himself turning for a moment to look at the glass door, "and I couldn't tell you with Cece around"

"You're right, I forgive you" she chuckles acknowledging that the little girl could have blurted it out at any moment without meaning to and ruin everything.

"Aw my big brother" she pinches his cheek as he tries to wriggle out of it by slapping her hand away, and for a while they laugh acting like they're kids again.

"Do you remember when you showed up at my house?" sighs Ben after a moment and at her nod, he continues, "you said there would be no more chances for you to find someone. Well looking at you now you could say you were wrong"

"You want to make me say it Ben?!" she looks at him cheekly before they both burst out laughing.

"I just want to... look at us. Me almost engaged, you almost a mother of two. For being the only members of the 'Boo love by Chilwell' club, it hasn't gone so bad"

"Oh my god, shut up! I totally forgot about that! We weren't normal kids"

"We never were" and it's like they've run out of time to spend alone as the little one of the house comes in rubbing one eye claiming Jack is still asleep and doesn't want to wake up.

"Oof I really hope my children can have a relationship like ours. You are and will forever be my best friend" she says sincerely, smiling and closing her eyes for a moment before standing up as Ben leaves a kiss on her temple.

"I will always be with you"

-

"Hey so about what my brother said earlier..."

"There's no need, like I said I want it all"

"Yeah but I just want to say one thing" she stands up on her toes to leave a kiss on his lips and he's already with his hands on her waist bringing her down not breaking the kiss. "I can feel this time will be different. I won't cry"

"Hmm how come?"

"Because I'm happy now"

----

Tag: @alexajanecollins @emwritesfootball @rosie7703

[ballerinaroy]

the girlfriend experince

This was written for accio_broom the Romione Discord secret Santa (go and check out the other fics in the collection). I hope you enjoy and have a very happy holiday!

On Ao3

Since Hermione had stepped foot off the train, they hadn’t gotten a moment to themselves. Christmas shopping, popping in at her parents, dinner with his own. At long last they’d been able to escape fleeing back to his and Harry’s flat, where, miraculously they found themselves alone.

For some reason Ron had worried that he should be nervous for the first moment it was just the two of them but found that there was no need for it. They’d opened the bottle of wine they’d picked out from the shop across the street, kicking off their shoes and made straight for the cushy sofa Bill and Fleur had donated to them. He let out a long breath, sinking into the cushion and stuffing a pillow behind him.

“Some holiday this has been,” Hermione commented, sitting down beside him. “I feel like I haven’t stopped running since I got off the train.”

He put his arm around her and she sighed, leaning into him. “Is now a good time to bring up the surprise party tonight?”

Hermione looked at him, horrified. “There isn’t-”

He grinned, “Nah, but I told mum there was so I could get you to myself for a few hours.”

“How chivalrous of you,” she said dryly, snuggling back down and taking a sip of her wine.

Ron smiled, picking up a strand of her hair and twisting it around his fingers. “Your hair’s getting long.”

“Slughorn did a unit on beauty potions the last week of term,” Hermione told him. “Our final assignment was to make our own.”

“You did a nice job,” Ron said appreciatively.

Hermione gave a mischievous look. “Smell it.”

He gave her a strange look but obliged, leaning down and sniffing her scalp. She pulled away, looking at him as he pondered the abnormal scent.

“Can you guess?”

“I don’t really—hang on-“ He frowned, leaning in again. “It smells like you only, a little spicy, like spice cake and, snow and-?“

He struggled, feeling an odd sense of de-ja-vu.

“The effect might have worn off a little,” Hermione said, bringing her hair up to her nose and sniffing, a content smile spreading across her face.

He smelled her a third time and it dawned on him. “Hermione, did you put amortentia in your potion?”

Hermione grinned up at him. “Sort of.”

“Oh that’s brilliant,” he said. “Why hasn’t anyone thought of it before?”

“It won’t keep for very long,” she explained. “I think only a week or so, it’d be pretty expensive to make on your own.”

“Brilliant,” he said again, sniffing the top of her head once more and pressing a kiss to it.

Hermione giggled, tilting up her face to kiss him which he obliged, his right hand against her face, stroking her cheek.

“I wish our whole holiday could be like this,” Ron murmured against her lips several minutes later.

“Mmh,” Hermione agreed, opening her eyes and brushing back his fringe. “Tomorrow should be fun.”

“Your parent's Christmas Eve party always a hit?” he inquired.

“Well,” Hermione shrugged. “It’s catered and you’ll be there.”

“And you know how well I get along with doctors.”

“It won’t just be doctors,” Hermione told him. “My great-aunt and cousins are coming into town. They’ve been dying to meet you.”

“Have they?” Ron asked. “That tall, charming ginger you’ve been talking about.”

“Mmh, and the word rude never came up,” Hermione told him. “Not even once.”

He rolled his eyes and Hermione grinned. “What about your Christmas?”

“You’ve been to my Christmas,” Ron told her.

“I haven’t,” she argued.

“Three years ago-“

“That was at Grimmauld Place, that doesn’t count,” Hermione said and her lips pouted a little as she begged. “Oh, come on, give me the ‘girlfriend coming to your parents for the first time experience.”

“Experience?” Ron asked doubtfully.

“Pretend I’m not me-“

“I’d rather not-“

“-and tell me what it’s going to be like,” Hermione said, pouting. “Please, I’ve never done the holiday at the Burrow. Warn me what I’m in for.”

Ron sighed, “Alright, but only if you bring me a refill.”

She rolled her eyes but obliged him, summoning the half-empty bottle from the kitchen and refilled both of their glasses. They clinked their glasses together and Hermione looked up at him admiringly.

“Alright, alright,” he said when she refused to kiss him. “Holidays at the Burrow. Well, the place is about as loud as a place can me, but you already know that. I’ve got five older brothers and each one is more competitive than the last.”

“Five?” she asked him.

“Bill’s the oldest, and his wife Fleur thinks she’s a looker-“

“Thinks?”

“Been stalking my family in the paper’s have you?” Ron asked, getting into it at last and enjoying himself.

“What can I say, had to make sure I got the looker?” Hermione said and winked at him. “Which I did.”

Ron rolled his eyes at her. “Sure, sure. Then there’s Charlie, he works with dragons. Got hair longer than my sister’s. At some point over the weekend mum’ll try and chop if off and it’ll be a whole thing. He’ll act pissed but he doesn’t mind being tended after like that.”

“Percy is next. Bit of a prat. We should really come up with a signal to rescue one another, otherwise, he’ll corner you half the night. He always acts like he’s above us, but when it comes down to chess or cards he’ll get dirty with the rules to make sure he wins.”

“Sounds like a nightmare to grow up with.”

“You’ve no idea,” Ron said dramatically. “Twins are next. George is pretty quiet these days. It’ll be rough for him. It’s alright if you don’t know what to say. He just needs someone to listen to him. Whenever he talks just, just talk with him for a minute. Show him that you care.”

He felt his eyes water up and gave his throat a moment to relax. Hermione said nothing, pressing a kiss to his chest and giving him a squeeze. At last, when he felt he could go on, they clinked together their glasses again and drank, giving Ron time to compose himself.

“Then there’s me,” Ron said, clearing his throat. “I’m alright, been in the papers quite a bit though, but you already know that, don’t you?”

“You’ve got an impressive resume,” Hermione said, going along with it.

“And last is my sister. Don’t let her age or size fool you though. She can drink any of us out from under the table. Got us all wrapped around her finger too, though she’ll never admit it.”

“Sound like your parents had quite their hands full raising all of you,” Hermione said.

“Marvelous job they did. Seven Gryffindors through and through. Brave till the end.” Ron said, taking another drink. “Oh and then there’s Harry. Brought him home a few years back and he’s never left. You didn’t hear this from me, but he’s mum’s favorite.”

“Is he now?”

“Eh, he’s earned it this year.” Ron told her. “Speaking of my mum, louder than the rest of us. Had to be through, to keep us all in line. She’s heard lots about you though, so she’ll be on her best behavior. Dad’s more fun, he likes to tinker with muggle things and tell us stories. They’re a good team, raised us right and are still in love despite their house nearly being burned down once a week.”

“They sound lovely.”

“They are,” Ron said fondly.

“So how about the holidays?” Hermione asked, “What should I expect?”

“Hmmm, you’ll wake up to presents at the foot of your bed,” Ron began. “So if you sneak into my room you’ll have to sneak back. I’ve learned to get away with a lot but I think finding a bird in my bed might just get me on the naughty list.”

Hermione giggled. “Can’t have that.”

“And then there’s brunch in pajamas, lounging around the house. We have a big meal in the afternoon. Mum’ll be in the kitchen all morning preparing it. There’s no telling who will drop by. Mum and dad invite everyone they know so everyone will have a place to come if they need it. Year before last we had the minister.”

“Did you?” Hermione feigned surprise.

“And only mostly to talk to Harry,” Ron gave her a wink. “If the snow is good we’ll have a fight in the afternoon, before dinner. And then it’s time around the fire for the Celestina Warbeck concert with a cup of hot cocoa and then off to bed.”

“Sounds lovely,” Hermione said with a yawn.

“It will be,” he said with a smile. “Ready for bed?”

Hermione nodded, “Pathetic, aren’t we? Not even ten and we’re tucking in.”

“Now now, Hermione I didn’t say anything about sleeping.” He told her, standing up and offering her a hand. She bit her bottom lip and let him pull her up.

“Oh?”

He looked her up and down as she pressed against him. “I’ve been dreaming about this for weeks. Not a chance.”

“Well,” she said, looking a little breathless. “Let’s make the most of it.”

[lu-undy]

Un-alone, Chapter 13

Here it is!

"Nice spot, eh?" 

"Yeah, really nice, Uncle Phil." 

Philip had taken his nephew to enjoy some fishing, on a lake. 

"And so far, your mum will have enough to cook for the next few days at least." 

Phil fished his thermos and two cups out of the bag he had brought. He poured some coffee for Mundy and himself.

"Yeah, she'll be happy it's fresh from the lake."

The lake was located at the heart of a forest. Mundy and his uncle had to cross the forest and go quite deep. They passed joggers and dog walkers, families taking a stroll in the sunny and cold November. When they reached the lake, their only company was that of a few other fishermen. 

“Bit cold this time of year, eh?” Phil asked. 

“As cold as autumn for us in Oz.”

“So you’re not that cold, are ya? I don’t want you to catch a cold, then your mum’s gonna tell me off.” Phil chuckled.

“Nah, don’t worry.”

The fishing had been more than successful as Phil had commented, so both uncle and nephew took it easy and just lay on their long chairs.

“D’you know what, son?”

“Mh?”

“I wish I was your age again…”

“Why?”

“Oh, the fun I had when I was young like you…” Phil smiled to himself in nostalgia. “Back in those days, I used to go out quite often with some friends. We’d go around bars and all…”

“Ah, I see.”

“Twas good fun." Phil sipped more of his coffee. "You never go out and have fun with your mates?" 

"Used to." Mundy answered. 

"Don't do it anymore?" 

Mundy shrugged. 

"Don't tell me you think you're too old, eh?" Phil chuckled and Mundy joined him. 

"Nah, I don't know. I just don't see my mates as much as I used to."

"Why?" 

"They've got their lives now with kids and all. Can't really call them for a night out."

"Ah, yeah, right… But you like that kind of things, don't you?"

"What?" Mundy asked. 

"Nightclubs and all the mumbo jumbo you young folks go to in the evenings." 

"Y-yeah, I think so." 

"Tell you what," Phil started and turned to look his nephew in the eye. "Tonight, you get your grilled fish and then you go to town. I'll tell your mum you wanted to see around the city and all. I'm sure you'll have fun." 

Mundy smiled. 

"Thanks, Uncle Phil."

"I'll give you a few addresses. I'm sure you'll meet nice folks your age and all. Ah, remind me to give you the address for the Bull and Horn."

"What's that?"

"It's a pub. You might find a few hunters like you there."

"Oh, really?" 

"Yeah! They've got a hunting club and more than a few enthusiasts. I'm sure you'll make friends there." 

"Ah, right…" Mundy put a hand behind his neck and smiled. "Thanks."

"I get it, y'know? You're not like your Mum and I, old folks. You gotta live, go out and see the sights out there! When was the last time you got out of your desert in Australia, eh?"

"Y-yeah, it's been quite a while."

"A young boy like you, ah… Plus, I've been to the Bull and Horn myself…" Phil started and let his sentence hang in the air. Mundy felt that there was more.

"And?" He asked. 

Phil wiggled his eyebrows. 

"Well, a good few catches there, eh, if you see what I mean…" 

Mundy blushed to his ears. 

"Right…" 

"Yeah. But there's women of your age too, eh! I'm not sendin' my nephew to old folks like me!" Phil laughed and tapped his nephew's shoulder. 

"Yeah, uhm… Thanks, Uncle Phil, but you don't need to.. uh… I mean…"

"Hey, you've been here for a few weeks already. You must be bored out of your mind! No! Don't even worry about your Mum! I'll take care of that! You go and have your fun, yeah?" 

Mundy looked at his uncle. His eyes were shining bright and his smile couldn't be bigger.

"Sure." 

"Attaboy!" 

After they finished with their coffee, both gathered their fishing gear and their generous catch of the day before moving back to Mundy's van. The ride back home was punctuated by Phil's banter, his anecdotes. When they reached home, both went straight to the kitchen. 

"Carrie!"

"Ah! It's you guys! Marty was startin' to worry about you, eh!" Caroline answered as the German Shepherd rose to his feet to greet Philip and Mundy. 

"Marty's been fine, it's you who's worryin'!" Phil answered. "Micky, go ahead and put the box on the table. Have a look inside, Carrie! Guess how many fishes we caught, eh?"

Caroline went to her son and as soon as he put the cold box down, she went to hug him. She gently pulled him down and Mundy bent down to kiss her cheek. 

"Hey, Mum."

"Micky, so… Let me see how much luck you brought to your Uncle…" Caroline went to the cold box and opened it. 

"Oi! As if I couldn't catch any fish on my own!" Phil answered.

"Good God! That's a lot of fish!" Caroline took them in her hand. "And some big ones too, eh?" 

"Yes, Ma'am!" Phil answered proudly, inflating his chest with air. 

"Great job, Micky!” Caroline taunted her brother who put his hands on his hips.

“Oi! I caught some too”

“Good that you taught your uncle, Micky.” She tapped her son’s shoulders and Mundy smiled. “I’ll get busy cleaning them now.”

“Right, right…” Phil chuckled. “Let me help you, Carrie.”

“Nah, you go and get yourself a seat, you’ve moved enough today. Micky, help him do the stretches that the doctor ordered, yeah?”

“Yeah, Mum. Let’s go, Uncle Phil.”

Both men moved to the living-room and Phil put his cane down next to the sofa before he sat down. 

“Can you stretch your leg? Yeah, great, alright, I’ll hold it from here and you do the stretchin’, yeah?” Mundy said and his uncle took a deep breath.

Caroline came to see them a bit later and stopped at the door between the kitchen and the living-room. She smiled, seeing her normally tall son on his knees helping his uncle was both endearing and funny; although she knew that Mundy was very helpful. Even though he was one to disappear to the desert, he would always drop everything and help his parents whenever they needed. 

“How is it going with your leg, Phil?” She finally stepped in and asked. 

“Yeah, better I think. I mean, it hurts a bit less, and after Micky does the stretches and exercises, it tingles for a while, and then it’s better.”

“He likes the massages by the physio best though, eh?” Mundy looked up at his uncle with a smile. 

“Hey, can’t compete with a professional massage, son.”

They all shared a laugh.

“Oh by the way, Carrie,” Phil winked at his nephew. “Tonight, Micky’s gonna go out.”

“Oh? You’re taking him around?” She asked her brother. 

“Nah, he’s goin’ out to, y’know, have fun!”

Mundy blushed and lowered his head back to his uncle’s leg. He wished he could shrink to a mouse. 

“Oh…” Caroline’s surprise was obvious. “Uh, alright…”

Dinner was delicious and the fresh catch of the day made the best impression on all three of them. But as Mundy came closer to finish his dinner, he dreaded the moment that he would have to leave to, well, have fun. 

“So, where will you go tonight, Micky?” Caroline asked. 

“Uhm…”

“He’ll go to a pub I’m recommendin’.” Phil jumped in and answered. "He can even tell them he comes from me, they know me there."

“Oh, whereabouts is that?”

“It’s about a fifteen minute drive.” Phil went on. “They’ve got a huntin’ club there, they do huntin’ like Micky. I’m sure he’ll make friends. And they also have lady hunters, eh?” Phil chuckled and nudged his nephew with his elbow. Mundy turned the same colour as the tomatoes in his plate. 

“I see.” Caroline chuckled. 

“He’s bored, Carrie! The boy is bored! He’s been actin’ like second physio to an old man like me for weeks! He must be bored out of his mind. And he’s not like us, Carrie, eh! He’s young and all! He’s wild! Lives in the desert and all! An adventurer!”

“I-I just hunt, eh?”

Caroline’s eyes went to her son and she read the discomfort painted all across his face and his body. She wanted to save him from what his uncle was creating. 

“Right, Phil, give me your plate.”

“What?”

“Salad.” She answered.

“Carrie, Carrie you know I don’t like those green things. How can we eat somethin’ the cows and all eat, eh? We’re stealin’ their food? Have you thought about that? That’s selfish!”

Obviously, Caroline didn’t listen and proceeded to fill Philip’s plate with the salad she had prepared. After dinner, she found him still stuck to Mundy. 

“Micky?”  

“Yeah?” The Aussie raised his eyes to his mother, at the kitchen door.

“C’mere a minute, I need you.”

Mundy turned to his uncle. 

“Go and see your mum, we’ll talk later.”

“Thanks, Uncle Phil.” The son went to join his mother and left his uncle in front of the television.

As soon as Mundy entered the kitchen, Caroline closed the door. 

“Oh, are you alright, Mum?”

“I was about to ask you the same.” She answered with a gentle chuckle. 

“What? Why?”

“Come on…” She answered while readying a kettle. “Phil’s been pressuring you to go out tonight more than you’ve ever wanted to in your life.”

Mundy sighed. 

“Yeah, well, couldn’t really say no to him, could I?” He admitted with a shy grin. 

“Hey, Micky. You’re a big boy, you do whatever you want." Caroline gave her back to her son to take care of the herbal tea. "So, what would you rather do?" 

"I don't know…" He scratched his head and ruffled his own hair. 

"Tell me." Caroline insisted. 

Mundy took a deep breath. 

"Part of me doesn't wanna go out much, I mean, not to a crowded place. 's too much." 

"But?" Caroline asked, feeling that there was a 'but'. 

"But I… I don't know… if they're hunters too… Maybe I'll find a few mates to get along with?" 

Caroline smiled and poured the tea in two cups before sitting next to her son and handing him one. 

"What's your gut feeling?" She asked. 

"Hm…" He took the cup and nodded in thanks before staring at the tea and the wisps of smoke wreathing above it. "What d'you think I should do?" He asked, raising his eyes to his mother. 

"If I were you, I'd give it a try. If you like it, you can go back from time to time." She took a sip of her tea. "Y'know, your uncle's right. You've come here with me to not let me travel on my own and to help your uncle but you've played nurse long enough. You're young and you should go out and meet people." She smiled at him and he reciprocated. "Who knows," She went on. "You might find a nice sheila who likes huntin' and days out in the desert too, eh?" 

Mundy's smile vanished and he blushed. 

"Y-yeah, maybe, I don't know… I should probably go, it's late…" He pushed the chair back and started springing to his feet.

"Micky." Caroline stopped him with a hand on his own. Mundy looked down at her. "Please." She insisted and he resumed his seat. 

"What?" He asked in a hoarse, thin voice. 

"Tell me." 

"Tell you what?" 

"Why is it that everytime your uncle or I mention a sheila, you run away faster than a hare?" 

Mundy frowned. He stared down at his cup of herbal tea. 

"Is there anythin' you want to tell us?" She asked.

Mundy's thigh started bouncing and his eyes darted left and right. 

"I won't say anythin' to your Dad." She added and gently stroked Mundy's hand with hers. He hunched his back. 

"I-I gotta go. G'night." 

Mundy left and went straight to his van. He didn't know how but he fastened his seatbelt and before he knew it, the van was driving him around.

Caroline was left in the kitchen, her thoughts running wild in her mind. Why would Micky, her Micky, not trust her more? She thought they had walked a mile more in the right direction, that Mundy would open up more? 

Hm. She was missing something, she knew that much. But in the wild, vast range of possibilities, what could it be? Well, let's take the pragmatic approach and see what she knew. 

It had something to do with her son's feelings. Yeah, alright. But then what? Why would he hide like a snail in its shell when she mentioned a loved one? He looked so distraught as well… Why would he be so sad…? 

Oh. Oh, bugger. Of course! 

Caroline's eyes widened and she rushed to Mundy's bedroom. It was empty. 

"Bugger…" 

She went straight to the living-room and opened the front door, looking where the van had been parked. It wasn't there anymore. 

"If you wanna make a draft, you'd better open that window, instead of the door…!" Phil said from the sofa, as he turned to look at his sister.

"Ah, he's gone…" She closed the door and put her hand on her hip. "Well, meetin' someone new at the pub will help." She shrugged and thought to herself that she could wait, because now, she knew what was going on. 

-- The Bull and Horn --

Mundy pushed the door and entered. He went straight to the counter. 

"Oh hey, there. What can I get'cha?" 

"Uh, a beer, whatever you'd recommend." 

"Alright, one beer for the gent over here…!" The bartender got busy and turned back to Mundy in a minute. "Here we go, that's the house's special." 

"Right, thanks." Mundy took a sip not so much to enjoy the drink, but rather to gulp down the discussion he had just had with his mum.

"You're new around here? And why the long face, eh?" 

Mundy raised his eyes to the bartender. 

"Ah, uh, nah, yeah, I'm not from here originally." 

"Funky accent you got, that's not from around these parts or this country at all… Let me guess, English?" 

"Nah, I'm an Aussie." 

"Oh ho, Australian, eh? I know a guy who's originally from there too, Phil. He used to come here from time to time. Nice police officer, great humour too."

"That's… my uncle."

"No way?! You must be Mundy then!" The bartender burst out. 

"Yeah, that's me… I see Uncle Phil's talked about me, eh?" Mundy's lips pursed up in a shy smile.

"He said you were in the business too, eh? Huntin' I mean! That true?" 

"Nah, yeah, I am." Mundy removed his hat and gave a timid nod.

"Good to meet'cha!" The tall and broad shouldered man extended his hand. Mundy shook it and thought he would lose a few fingers…! "Hey, guys! Come round here! This here gent is Phil's nephew, the Aussie hunter!" 

Suddenly, Mundy was surrounded by people who… looked like him! Hats on their head, worn out leather boots and not a care in the world for what fashion was, mullets, long, greasy haired men and even in the dimly lit, cosy atmosphere of the pub, Mundy could see that their skins were tanned by the sun, like him! 

Mundy's eyes opened to his surroundings, the wooden beams, the hunting trophies on the walls, the fireplace that a few sofas circled, in a corner… Of course, the lingering smell of beer, the few hunting rifles hung on the walls, with golden plaques, true beauties of old things. 

The Aussie took a deep breath and smiled. Yeah, for once, he didn't look like the odd one in the crowd. He fit right in. 

"So, Mundy, next round's on me! C'mon, tell us about the game in Australia!" 

Mundy's head swished and swooshed, left and right, he looked at the faces of men and women looking up at him with curiosity, with eagerness even! 

And he started. He explained the kinds of games, the season, the more recent regulations, to protect some beasts, the poachers, the nightmare it had become to own a gun, and how rare good gun shops were. All in all, Mundy's throat went dry and he couldn't believe it! When was the last time he had talked so much that his saliva had vaporised?! And his new friends kept asking him questions, or they sometimes explained to him how different it was there, in New Mexico. 

The chats went on and on, until he found himself around a pool table, sharing a game with a few men. 

"Your turn, Larry." 

"Heh, look at this one, Mark, I'm tellin' you, you'll lose it!" The large man aligned his pool cue with the white ball. He bent over the table and closed one eye to take his aim. 

Clack…!

The white ball knocked the yellow one in a hole straight. It bounced a few times on the edges and finally stopped. 

"Your turn now, Mundy, and I'm sorry to leave it in a tight spot…!" Larry chuckled. 

The white ball had rested near one of the edges of the table. 

"She'll be alright." Mundy smiled and downed more of his beer before leaving his pint on the nearby table and taking the pool cue from Larry's hand. 

"I'd go for the green one." Mark said, and Mundy's eyes shot up to him. They exchanged a smile. 

"Yeah, was thinkin' the same. The blue one's at a tricky angle, but I can probably get the green one." Mundy positioned himself, bending over the table and taking his aim. He raised his eyes for an instant and saw Mark's brown eyes riveted on him. "Ahem…" Mundy frowned and focused on the white ball again. 

Clack…

And the white ball bounced on the edge to meet back with the green one and pushed it straight to the nearest hole, in the corner of the table. It finished rolling right next to the blue one. 

"Not bad, not bad at all, eh?" Larry chuckled. "I'll go get myself another pint. Anyone wants anything?" 

"Nah, thanks." Both Mundy and Mark answered.

"Alright, I'll be right back." And Larry left the table.

"Right, here, Mark." Mundy handed him the pool cue. 

"Thanks, mate?" 

Mundy chuckled. 

"Y'know some Aussie slang?" 

"Barely any." Mark chuckled. "Wish I knew more, I like the accent."

"Can teach you a few things." 

"Good luck, I'm shit at learnin'." 

"That makes us two then." 

Mark must have been around Mundy's age, not more. He was slim and a bit shorter than the Aussie. His blond mullet shone nicely under the lamp over the pool table, and his brown eyes looked… gentle? He had a stubble, the stuff of a few days, like Mundy, maybe even shorter. Being a blonde, it was very light.

"Should I get the blue one, then?" Mark's voice cut Mundy's stare. The American was standing next to the table, tilting his head on one side.

"Think so. If you feel like it, you can try the blue and that red one but you might need to push quite hard." 

"Depends how it bounces off that edge… Hm… Gosh, all this beer's gettin' to me and I'm afraid I can't aim as well as you can, Mundy." Mark chuckled. 

"Well, you can try." 

They exchanged a smile. 

"Right then, I'll bite. Blue and red it is, then…!" Mark bent over the table and took a few seconds to aim. 

Clack…

The white ball pushed the blue one with no problem, it bounced off of the wall and… 

"Fuck, I really thought I'd get it…!" 

"I'm back with more beer, what did I miss?" Larry interrupted. "Did Mundy win already or is your drunk self holding out still, Mark?"

"Well I'll have you know that I'm not losin' yet, old man!" Mark answered. "But you're right, the beers ain't helpin'!" 

They laughed and the stick went to Larry who didn't score anything. 

"Ah ha! You can't aim for shit anymore either, Larry!" Mark mocked and laughed. 

"It's just my age catchin' up!" Larry answered. "You'll see when your hair turns white and all!" He turned to Mundy. "Here, your turn." 

"Thanks, mate." 

"What're you thinkin'?" Mark asked. 

"Watch this." Mundy took his aim and struck. The white ball pushed the red, the orange and the purple one. 

"Holy shit, that was amazin'!" Mark exclaimed. "Larry, I think we should quit now, before we lose!"

"Bah, I'll go sit over one of the couches and leave you kids have your fun." Larry took his pint and moved away. 

"Bugger, did I piss him off?" Mundy asked. 

"Nah, don't worry… Martin's just arrived, he's best friends with Larry since before George Washington's time…!"

Mundy chuckled. 

"D'you wanna go on or…?" He asked. 

"I think you won. And I can't see as straight as when I'm sober… Not that I am particularly… Uh…"

"Sober?" Mundy asked. 

"Straight…" Drunk Mark answered and Mundy's eyebrows jumped. "Anyway, sorry, I'm pissed… I should go back home." 

"You want me to drive you back? I'm still alright, haven't drunk half as much as you did." 

"Nah, I ain't that bad, can still drive." 

"Mate, you shouldn't risk it. I've got my van, you'll just have to guide me." Mundy said. 

"You sure?" 

"Yeah, I don't mind." 

"Well, if that's no problem for you…" Mark said. "But I'll owe you one, eh?" 

Mundy smiled. 

"Alright, I'll remember it." 

Both men went to say goodbye to their friends and left. 

"You sure you don't want me to drive you home, Mark?" Larry asked from the sofa. Mundy looked down at Mark. The blonde looked up at Mundy and smiled. 

"Nah, I'll be fine." 

"Right, I see…" Larry answered and nervously chuckled as he shook his head. "You be safe, eh?" 

"Yup!" Mark answered and Mundy blushed. The shorter man's eyes were stuck on him. "Let's go, Mundy." 

They exited the pub and went straight to Mundy's van. 

"Ooh, she looks nice and cosy, eh? Quite old, but man, that's how you know they're friends for life…"

"Yeah, you're right." 

They climbed in, Mundy on the driver's seat and Mark next to him. 

"You have a camper yourself?" 

"Nah, but wish I had… I mean, look, we live in a desert, yeah, and some people don't like it but… C'mon, you gotta admit, it's fuckin' beautiful." Mark said as Mundy started the van and drove away. The Aussie smiled. 

"You're preachin' to the choir. Where I come from, we've got deserts too, a bit more red than here, but deserts still."

"You ever go and sleep there, in the middle of nowhere?" Mark asked. 

"Oh yeah, all the time." Mundy answered and quickly looked at his passenger. They exchanged a smile. 

"Have you seen the stars here at night, in New Mexico?" 

"Once, yeah." Mundy nodded. 

"Wanna go see them again? I know a good spot." 

The grin they shared was more than an answer.

[whentommymetalfie]

Breathe Again -Chapter nineteen

-Stay-

prologue//one//two//three//four//five//six//seven//eight//nine//ten//eleven/twelve/thirteen/fourteen/fifteen//sixteen//seventeen//eighteen

Chapter Summary: Predictably, Tommy doesn’t cope well with the latest news from Birmingham. But Alfie might slowly be learning how to help. 

Wordcount: 4400

Warnings: hallucinations, disordered eating, suicidal ideation, panic attacks, self harm

The night in Margate is blue. Tommy thinks of that each night. In the bedroom back at Arrow house darkness was just black, lined with heavy curtains and solid walls closing in around him. Here, it’s blue. As if the sea has crept up from the shore and engulfed everything. A cold, deep, deep blue. Out here especially, far away from the comfort of the fireplace.

The wind catches in his thin shirt and he curls up tighter where he sits on the steps leading up to the house from the beach. The cold stone under him chills his bare feet. He doesn’t really feel it, but he must be cold because he sees his hands tremble as they clutch the newspaper. The black lettering on the page is blurring before his eyes. It’s too dark to read it out here. Was already difficult without his glasses. But it doesn’t matter. The voices know the words by now. Because he couldn’t stop reading it, like scratching a scabbing wound, refusing to let it heal. Over and over until the voices remembered. They keep repeating them, making them seep into his nightmares, into every crevice of his mind where they sink in, sharp like shards of broken glass that make it hard to form coherent thoughts.

He tries to reason with them, the voices, but it’s not much use. No use in arguing when he knows they’re telling the truth. When he knows they’re right. They’re not searching. They don’t want him back. They’ve moved on. They’re happier without him. He can hear them behind closed doors, whispering amongst themselves. They’re relieved. One less thing to worry about-

“You couldn’t have gone back to them anyway, Tom,” John says cheerily where he sits on the railing above him, a dark outline against the night sky, cigarette in hand and with the blood soaked shirt clinging to his chest. The wind catches in his hair and he flashes his teeth in that carefree grin he somehow still had after the war. “Right? They were sending you to the loony bin. Don’t get why you’re so upset about it.”

Tommy clenches the paper harder between his fingers. Looks down at the words, hears them echo in his head, listing all his failures and missteps, the bodies he’s stepped over to get where he is-

Get to this.

Some cold, blustery stone steps in Margate. Outside a house that isn’t his own.

Alone.

“What was it all for, Tommy?”

He shakes his head at Grace’s softly spoken question. Doesn’t know. Doesn’t fucking know.

It seemed so important at the time.

Always chasing, never slowing down, climbing higher and higher, proving himself over and over until there was no one left to prove wrong. Fill that empty hole in his chest with something, anything before it swallowed him and everyone around him.

“In the end, none of it mattered, did it?”

“I did it for them,” he says, hearing his voice crack brokenly. “For you.”  

“That’s a lie and you know it. But that’s all right. It doesn’t matter now. Not if you come with me.” And Grace reaches for him, inviting promising.

“Who would miss you? You saw, you heard them-“

“It would be better for everyone if you disappeared.”

He hushes the voices, wraps his arms around himself to keep his hands away from his head, knows he’s not allowed to scratch, it won’t help, there’s no bullet there to dig out. Nothing there but he wants to dig his nails into his skin so badly, tear, scratch wants it to hurt…

“It’s better that he’s gone,” Lizzie tells someone whose features he can’t make out. “The kids are happier.” She turns and looks at him with those sharp eyes. Doesn’t matter if he closes his eyes, covers his ears. “Ruby is different when you’re not around.”

Yes, it’s better this way, he knows. He doesn’t have a place in their world anymore. Maybe not in any world. The feeling from the field overwhelms him again, the bone deep hopelessness, nowhere to turn, no firm ground to stand on just this pitch black abyss, tethering on the edge of it, ankle deep in wet, cold mud…

“Hey there, Tommy.”

Esther’s voice is full of warmth, instantly recognisable among all the others. Grips onto the fragile threads anchoring him to reality and pulls- He opens his eyes to find her in the doorway, a knitted cardigan wrapped tightly around her against the chill and with a blanket in her arms. Not his blanket, it lies forgotten in the bedroom.

When did he get out of bed?

She approaches slowly but without hesitation and sits down next to him on the steps, wrapping the blanket around his shoulders. Squeezes them gently before rubbing her hands along his upper arms.

“Oh, you poor thing, you’re freezing. Did you have trouble sleeping?”

He manages to nod in response, isn’t sure if he’s slept, if the voices chasing him out of bed were a dream or not. Esther pulls the blanket tighter around him. Keeps the arm over his shoulders, holding him close.

“Look at all those stars,” she says and looks skyward. “Do you know any of the constellations?”

Mum used to tell them stories about the stars. Now he can’t seem to remember a single one. He shakes his head.

“Mister Solomons knows them all, he claims. I’m sure he could tell you plenty of stories. I only know a handful.” Esther squints up at the sky, searching and then points to a small cluster. “That’s Orion, the one over there with the three bright stars in a row. Orion’s belt. Supposedly it’s a hunter with his bow.”

He looks up at the tiny, distant lights, following along as Esther points. Tries to find the formations she tells him about. Shut everything else out.

Esther’s eyes eventually turn from the sky to the paper he’s still clutching.

“I wondered where that had gone. I noticed it’d disappeared from the bin.”

She reaches out for the paper and he holds it closer, can’t let her see. Can’t let her know. She’ll hate him, just like them. He can’t bear that -even if he deserves it he can’t bear Esther hating him. Esther puts a hand gently over his where he clutches it against his chest, but doesn’t try to take it away.

“Mister Solomons asked me to throw that out,” she says softly. “I think that would be for the best.”

The paper crinkles in his convulsive grip. Esther’s thumb rubs gently over the back of his hand, but he can’t let her read it, can’t let her see, can’t-

Maybe she already has? No, that doesn’t make sense, she wouldn’t want him here, then. But Esther is kind. Perhaps she lets him stay out of pity. His gaze drifts, can’t bring himself to look at her face and see the truth there.  

Grace is standing on the beach down by the water, a white speck in the midst of all the black, by the edge where the waves are crashing in. She’s looking back at him, reaching, promising that he’ll be safe with her, that she already knows about the gaping hole that swallows anything that comes to close. Her hair is oddly still where it frames her face. As if the wind splits around her. Sweeps up towards the steps, blows straight through him and making him tremble. Esther wraps her arm around his shoulders again. He can see her do it but the arm feels like nothing, all his nerve endings have been cut and he can’t feel anything except the cold, cold mud, cold water around his feet.

“It’s awfully cold out here. How about we go inside?”

He folds inwards on himself at Esther’s question, can’t stop shaking.

“Tommy?”

Can’t move his legs. Esther squeezes his shoulders, cups his face, worried eyes only inches away. Her mouth is moving again, but the words are patchy. She repeats them, slowly.

“I’m going to get Mister Solomons. Alright? I’ll be right back.” She nods, urging him to do the same and he does, nodding frantically. Alfie-

The warmth disappears from his side and leaves him trembling harder in the wind. The waves crash against the frozen shore in the distance.

Grace’s voice.

Then, as if no time has passed at all, familiar, heavy footsteps approach. The relief washes over him. Alfie’s here now, he’ll make everything okay.

“Nothing will ever be-“

The voices don’t matter. Alfie is here.

“Out looking at the stars I hear, aye Tommy?” Alfie’s deep voice comes from above. A familiar scent envelops him as he wraps another blanket around him. “Could’ve chosen a warmer night for it, though. Fuckin’ freezing out here.”

He sits down next to him, warm and solid by Tommy’s side. Tommy unfurls a little, forcing his numb limbs to cooperate as he shuffles closer to his larger frame.

“Figured you’d do some reading I see,” Alfie says. “Think there’s been enough of that.” He tugs the paper out of his hands. His eyes flicker over the page, eyebrows twitching. He tears it out. Rips it to pieces before Tommy can make his numb hands reach out to take it back. When Alfie tosses the pieces over the railing, the wind carries them off like wilted leaves. He watches them disappear.

“There we go. No need to fret about that anymore, eh?”

One of the pieces have caught on a branch in a nearby tree. Soon, that disappears too.

But the voices remember.

“And who the hell cares what a paper is writing? Always full of shit, innit? And you obviously won’t go back or have any contact with those ungrateful bastards. I don’t know why you’re so fucking upset.”

Because there’s no one now. No ties left to the real world, the one where he mattered in some way, where he had a place, a purpose.

Nowhere to go.  

He should’ve fucking realised it earlier. Stupid so fucking stupid. No one came, no one-

Picked up the phone

Came through the closed door, or out onto the field

until it was far too late.

“You pushed them all away, what did you expect?”

“Oi, Tommy, you listening to me?”

Did they have a funeral? Put fire to an empty caravan, stood around it, silent and clad in black.

“They wouldn’t bother with a funeral. Why have a funeral for someone no-one mourns?”

No one-

“Tommy, look at me,” Alfie says and grabs his jaw. Holds it tightly as he forces his head up and towards him. “He’s a fucking piece of shit, that cousin of yours. And that article is bollocks.”

“It’s true,” he whispers. So quiet Alfie shouldn’t be able to hear him.  

Alfie scoffs. “True? Yeah, yeah sure. But what does it fucking matter? Haven’t you given your family big houses and maids and more money than they could’ve ever dreamt of? The fucking opinions of some reporter, someone who’s never had to look a man in the eye and put a bullet between said eyes to put food on the table for his family, are of no fucking importance.”

The fingers around his jaw are so tight they hurt. He doesn’t like it when Alfie touches him that way. But he’s forgotten how to- how to say things like that out loud.

“You and me, we’re exempt from the rules of mere mortals,” Alfie says, words as firm as his hand. “So that we can do what needs to be fuckin’ done, eh? And didn’t your family take the fucking money and the fucking houses and the maids?”

“But what does it matter now when you can’t give them anything? Look at you.”

His thoughts are always fractured, illogical, can’t even tell apart what’s in his head and outside of it. He’s got nothing to offer anymore.

Just this empty, ugly shell.

An empty grave where no one goes.

“No, Tommy, eyes on me,” Alfie squeezes harder and he finally lets out a choked sound in protest. His eyes meet Tommy’s, unwavering. “Fuck them. They can sit on their high horses all they want. Talk about the old fucking days. As if that wasn’t what got them where they are. This guilt ridden self torture doesn’t suit you. It‘s fucking below you is what it is. You did what you did. Now you have to live with it.”

“I can’t,” he whispers. A trembling, quiet sort of sound that catches in the wind.

“Well, you’ll have to fucking figure it out.”

Grace is standing by the foot of the steps, arms open invitingly. “You’ll be safe with me, Tommy. This is where you belong.”

The sapphire hangs around her neck, crimson runnels seeping from its centre, staining her clothing. She’s already bloody so it doesn’t matter that his hands are too.

He closes his eyes. He can’t do what Alfie asks of him. For short moments he can fool himself, but all he’s doing is postponing the inevitable, clinging to a piece of scrap wood in a stormy sea waiting for rescue that isn’t coming…

A searing pain spreads through his chest, a dull ache growing in strength until it leaves him breathless, forcing guttural whines between clenched teeth as it searches for a way out, too much to fit in his chest anymore. Alfie’s hand slides to the back of his head and guides him forward until his nose is buried in soft cotton that smells like Alfie. He pulls the scent into his nose.

Alfie is talking again, words floating together and Tommy isn’t sure they’re making sense at all. But he breathes the safe scent in.

Alfie keeps him safe.

He buries his shaking hands in the fabric of his shirt and bunches it up between his fingers. A warm, heavy weight settles around his shoulders as Alife wraps an arm around him

Grace keeps telling him to come. But the arms keep him here.

“Shh, ‘s alright, you’ll be alright,” Alfie hushes him. “I’ve got you. You’ll be alright.”

Alfie gets him back to the bedroom. Leads him with steady hands (not fucking carrying you, remember?) and tucks him in between warm blankets and soft pillows, pulls him against his chest. Then he is talking about something, muttering softly under his breath. Tommy can hear the rumble in his chest beneath his ear, but can’t piece the words together. Even among all the other voices, his is the only one he clings to.

…

He wakes up late the next day to the wind whistling outside the window, head pounding and with lead seeping through his veins. Alfie’s side of the bed is empty. He rests his palm on the cold sheets, eyes catching on the packet of cigarettes on the nightstand. But he finds he can’t muster up enough strength to even reach for them. The mud lies over him like a heavy blanket, pressing him down into the mattress, making it difficult to breathe.

He doesn’t dare looking towards the chair in the corner, can’t bear seeing Grace there. Too weak to resist the temptation of falling into the offered embrace, follow her wherever she asks him to go.

“Are you not tired, Tom? Don’t you want to rest?”

And he wants to. He so desperately wants to. Closes his eyes. Wants to fall back into the darkness. Breathes. Listens to the mud and the dirt shift around him.

The door creaks.

He recognises Esther’s steps, steady and lighter than Alfie’s. The mattress dips as she sits down and he forces his eyes open.

“Good morning, love.” She smooths his hair back and he clings to the touch. It grounds him a little. “Mister Solomons just went out for a short walk. He figured we should let you sleep.”

She waits for some kind of a response but even making a hum seems to be too much effort today.

“I’ve lit the fireplace in the living room. You can have breakfast in there if you’d like? It’s nice and warm.”

It should sound tempting, escaping the lonely bedroom, and he knows he has to leave the bed, follow the routine, but it’s too difficult. All he can manage is pulling his knees up to his chest.

“Today’s not a good day, hm?” Esther says, without expecting a reply this time. “That’s alright. I can bring your breakfast in for you.”

She does. Then she builds a pile out of the pillows and helps him sit up when his feeble attempt at doing so himself fails. While he tries to eat she sits with him on the edge of the bed, talking softly and mending a hole in a sock with nimble fingers. Once he’s managed a few spoonfulls of the porridge and he curls up under the blankets again, she takes the bowl away with a soft sigh. Runs her fingers through his hair and tells him she’ll be back soon.

He sees the exhaustion weighing on her as she leaves the room. Just as it did on Lizzie. She tried to hide it at first, but it quickly began seeping through the cracks whenever she’d look at him.

“Tommy, please you have to try,” she pleads, voice cracking as she grasps at his face, his shoulders, tugging and shaking as if she could physically pull him out of the mud and the fog. “Why won’t you talk? Why won’t you even fucking look at me?”

Shakes him, fingers holding onto his shoulders with bruising strength. Demanding things of him he can’t give.

“Tommy, fucking look at me!”

The hands are becoming frantic in their desperation, violent, and he’s longed so much for someone to touch him, but not like this

Someone starts whining, terrified, gut-wrenching noises like a wounded animal.

“What am I supposed to do?” Lizzie’s voice raises to a cry to overpower the awful sound and he clutches at his head, digs his nails into his skin until it breaks. If he could only find the bullet, his head would start working again- He could fix everything. Fingers around his wrists, tugging at them and he’s too weak to resist them.

“Stop that, God damnit Tommy, stop-“

Hurried steps run across the hardwood floor.

“Mrs. Shelby, please, you’re scaring him. Let me take over for a little while. You need some time to breathe. Go on.”

He scrambles away when he’s finally released, fighting against too heavy limbs and the blankets tangling around his legs. The figure above him is dark, as if a shadow has broken free from the corner- should be familiar but he can’t place the features. She reaches for him.

“Shh, shh, Mrs. Shelby is worried, that’s all. Do try to calm down-“

Firm hands try to push him back onto the mattress and it gives way under him. The dirt closes in around him. He shuts his eyes, lets himself be swallowed by the darkness and smell of wet mud.

“Morning sleeping beauty. Still in bed I see? And I hear you’re being difficult again, with the whole food issue.”

Dragged back to reality by the sound of Alfie’s voice, Tommy opens his eyes and glances up at him over the edge of the blanket. A knot forms in his belly when he waits for his reaction. Alfie hates it when he lies in bed like this.

Alfie crosses his arms over his chest and studies him.

“This still about that fucking article, eh? Is that what’s got you so upset?”

He shakes his head. A pathetic attempt at a lie.

“Really? Because it sure fucking seems like it. But you know the rules, can’t lie around and sulk all day. Go on. On your feet.”

Alfie grabs his shoulder and pulls, but it’s gentle. Not like that time he dragged him out of bed. But that would be the only way of getting him out of it today. He closes his eyes again and waits. All Alfie does is sigh deeply.

Then the mattress dips and it prompts him to squeeze his eyes open.

Alfie has laid down next to him, fingers interlaced on his stomach and face set in a thoughtful frown.

“No need to look so fucking confused,” he grunts. “Can’t a man lie down in his own bloody bed without being scrutinized?”

He turns his gaze towards the ceiling with another grunt. Tommy keeps his eyes on his hands.

Alfie has nice hands. Strong and firm but with something of a delicateness to them. Perhaps it’s the rings? Or the way he always moves them when he speaks, fingers dancing. Tommy pulls the sleeves down over his own.

“Saw a deer, I did,” Alfie says, unprompted as always. “On my walk. Pretty things, aren’t they? Yeah. Well, at least until they make those noises… Whoever decided that was the sound a dear ought to make sure got a brilliant sense of humour.” He scratches his chin and the rings glint in the light.  “Might get some more snow tonight, it‘s fucking freezing out. Fuck knows I prefer this distinct lack of it, but you like it, don’t you? The snow. So I suppose it’s fine.”

Alfie glances at him, furrowing his brow. Sighs. Then he reaches out, cradles Tommy’s head and holds it gently, as if it were something precious. Instead of broken and useless. Runs a thumb right below the hollow of his eye, the touch so soft Tommy thinks he might be dreaming. And he looks at him. It makes him want to curl up closer, wants Alfie to surround him completely. Consume him until there’s nothing left of his hollow shell.

“Fucking hell. Wish I could just… crack your head open and pluck that useless article out of there. Though I suppose if I started rooting around in there I’d do more damage than anything else…”

The hand slides down over the back of his neck, his shoulders, eventually looping around his waist and tugging him closer, until he’s nestled against his chest. His breath catches at the sudden embrace. Alfie usually limits touch like this to the darkest parts of the night, when he seems to be out of other options. He barely dares to breathe, doesn’t want to do something to upset Alfie, make him pull away.

“Relax, will you? You like this,” Alfie says, as if to remind him. Yes, Tommy does like this.

He’s safe here.

They lie in silence. For a long, long time. The weight of the mud seems to melt away little by little, easing his breaths. Alfie’s heart beats steadily under his ear and the sound lulls him into blissful calm.

“Tomorrow’s a new day,” Alfie mutters. “That’s the thing about days. They just keep comin’, don’t they? Suppose it’s alright to spend one or two in bed.”

He pulls him even closer. Rests his chin on the top of his head. As if to tell him he’s not going anywhere.

“Got a few neighbours a mile or two away. Not too far. And they have some pretty horses they let out in the pasture come spring. I’ll take you there when you can stay on your feet for that long. That’s something to look forward to, innit? Springtime when it gets all warm and pleasant. You haven’t truly lived until you’ve sat in a comfortable chair by the water when the sun finally burns away all the damp fog, doing absolutely nothing useful. When the breeze is warm and the skies are as blue as your eyes.”  

Mustering up enough courage to return the embrace, Tommy wraps an arm around Alfie’s chest, clutching at the back of his shirt. He can imagine Alfie sitting there in the sun, eyes closed and with the light catching in his beard. Content. Can for the first time even imagine himself there, even if the picture is faded at the edges and hard to hold onto.

When Alfie speaks again, his voice is far away:  “I recall saying something very wise to you the other night. About fucking living with it. The fact that you’ve done all that awful shit. Easy there, you’re not going anywhere-“ Alfie holds onto him when the unease makes him squirm. “Even if you say that you can’t, you don’t really have any other options. See, Esther is very fond of you, and it’s of utmost importance to me that she stays happy, as that makes my own existence a fair bit easier. Gotten used to having someone to dote on properly, she has. And admittedly, I- Well, the thing is that I’ve always enjoyed my own company. Lived alone by choice and all that. But I’ve come to the conclusion that you’re not too much of a bother.”

Alfie pauses for a long time as if he’s said something very important, Tommy tries to detangle all the words without much success.

“Granted you’re a fucking handful. Bit like having a very demanding pet, innit? But even if you have a spoiled cat who only deigns to sit on your lap every once in a blue moon, well you do fucking appreciate those moments, yeah? When the cat wants to… to sit there. You know? The spoiled little fucker.” Alfie’s hand strokes up along his spine, up the back of his neck until it eventually comes to rest on his head. He hums to himself. “Strange fucking creatures, really. Relying solely on you for survival but still acting all high and mighty. Still, suppose you sort of get used to having them around and then all of a sudden it’s hard to imagine them… not being there. You get my point?”

Tommy manages a tiny sound, even though he doesn’t fully understand. Alfie seems pleased.

“You’d be surprised what you can survive,” he says quietly. “Say having half your face shot away by some cunt and being left for dead on a deserted beach with only the seagulls and your bloody dog there to help you. Even that. So, I’d say your chances are quite good.”

Alfie’s fingers are running through his hair. Soft and warm and firm all at once. He pulls in the safe scent of his shirt into his nose. The heat radiating from his body seeps into Tommy’s own. Slowing his heartbeat. Helping him breathe.

And a thought crosses his mind. It’s a foolish one, of course. Utterly impossible. Wrong. But for a fleeting moment he thinks it with complete clarity: If there’s still a place for him in this world, he wants it to be here.

[nineteenninety-six]

woc!reader x tommy? if you’re not too busy off and some idea like reader being faced with racism and all that in front of Tommy or to make people cry reader being killed in front of tommy bc of her skin colour

Despite how excited I was to write this, I felt like this falls majorly short. I also couldn’t find it in me to do the angst. If you’ve kept up with my many posts, you know my life has been a mess for over the past couple of days so I’m sorry :(

Teen!Tommy x Teen WOC! Reader

TAG LIST: @shadow-of-wonder @dayna041101 @futuristicslimemongerbanana @captivatedbycillianmurphy @sweetgoodangel

WORD COUNT: 1304

Shouts and grunts coming from an alleyway caught Tommy’s attention as he walked home from school with his brothers and unable to resist, he wandered over to where they were coming from, ignoring the confused shouts of his name by his brothers but the scene that he walked on to wasn’t one that he expected. There was a crowd of about five people that Tommy recognised from his school, including a few people he knew from his class and they were beating and kicking a young girl who was curled up on the floor.

“Oi!” 

The crowd looked up at his shout and even Tommy himself surprised at himself.

“Stop what you’re doing and piss off!” Tommy was never the one to back down, even if he might lose.

“And if we don’t?” The person who Tommy assumed to be the ringleader, stepped towards him.

“Then we’ll fight ya” Arthur said as he and John stepped up beside Tommy. Sure they were thin and slightly scrawny, just like everyone else in Small Heath but they knew how to fight thanks for their father. 

The ring leader stepped forward again, not seeming to have a problem with Arthur’s threat when another member of the group stepped forward and objected, 

“Jack, they’re the fuckin’ Shelby’s, y’know the gyspy family. Even if we beat them, their family will come round and kill us.”

Jack hesitated at the new information before he scowled at Tommy and glared at him, “Fuckin’ gypsy trash.”

Jack and the rest of the group left the alleyway, with John and Arthur following them, shouting taunts. Whilst they did that, Tommy rushed over to the girl who was shivering on the floor. He pulled his jumper off and carefully wrapped it around the girl, not wanting to scare her. He then gently helped her up into a sitting position and crouched down in front of her. It was only when he did that, he saw her face for the first time and recognised her from school and town in general but he didn’t know her name.

“Hey...you alright?”

The girl nodded and sniffled, lifting her hands up to wipe her tears, 

“Thank you” She whimpers

Tommy helps her stand up and wraps his arm around her shoulder and begins to lead her out of the alleyway,

“Thank you, thank you, thank you.” The girl continues to repeat.

“It’s fine...don’t worry.” Tommy felt slightly awkward from her continued thanks.

Arthur and John were standing near the entrance of the alleyway, waiting for Tommy to return and when he did with the mysterious girl he had just saved, the four of them stood in awkward silence until Tommy spoke up,

“You two better get home. I’ll drop….” Tommy trailed off when he realised he didn’t get the name of the girl who stood beside him.

“(Y/N)” She helpfully supplied, answering the silent question.

“I’ll take (Y/N) back home.” Tommy felt the girl tense slightly at his words, making him curious.

“Alright, we’ll see you back home Tom.” Arthur said before he and John made his way back to their house.

“Where do you live?”

(Y/N) hesitated in giving him an answer

“What’s wrong?”

“I don’t want my mum to see me like this. It’s bad enough that we get shouts and stares when we’re walking but if she finds out I was attacked....I’m afraid of how she’ll react.”

Tommy nodded in understanding, “How about I take you to mine and my aunt can help to clean up?”

(Y/N) nodded gratefully, “If you don’t mind.”

“Of course, I’m sure my aunt would kill me if I didn’t offer to help you.”

“You’ve already helped me so much.”

“It’s fine.” Tommy smiled at the girl.

They walked in silence for a bit as Tommy walked them towards Watery Lane, when Tommy spoke up,

“Does that happen often? Getting attacked because of your skin colour?”

“...Yeah.”

“That’s not fucking fair.” 

“You’re telling me.” (Y/N) scoffs, “They hate me simply because of the colour of my skin, I can’t even step outside without someone calling me a derogatory word.”

“Why don't you leave?” Tommy asked and a part of him knew it was a dumb question.

“No-one's ever left Small Heath and besides no matter where I move to, people are still going to be racist.”

Tommy couldn’t refute her argument, he knew she was right. They had reached his place and he guided her into the living room before shouting for his aunt Polly.

“Pol are you in?! Aunt Polly?!”

“Why are you shouting?” A woman’s voice sighed.

Tommy and (Y/N) turned towards the voice and saw who (Y/N) guessed was Tommy’s aunt Polly.

“I need your help” Tommy explained 

Polly walked in and eyed (Y/N) and her cuts and bruises.

“What’s happened?”

“(Y/N) needs help cleaning up before she goes home and I was hoping that you could help her.” Tommy said

Polly slowly nodded, “Go into the bathroom and bring me the kit that’s in there and then boil up some water and bring me some clean rags.”

Tommy immediately jumped up and did what his aunt asked him to do, leaving (Y/N) with his aunt. 

“C’mon dear, let’s sit down” Polly guided her to the couch and pulled Tommy’s jumper off her and then began to look over her injuries.

“What happened to you?” Polly asked.

“I was getting beat up by a bunch of kids from school when Tommy, along with Arthur and John stepped in and helped me. I didn’t want to go home looking like this to my mum so Tommy offered to take me here to help me out.”

Polly smiled at the fact that her nephews stepped in and helped (Y/N) out before she frowned,

“Why were they attacking you?”

“Because they hate me for the colour of my skin.”

Polly tutted and sighed, “People are fucking stupid eh?”

(Y/N) smiled at Polly’s words, agreeing with them.

Tommy returned at that point with the kit and rags Polly requested before darting back out and collecting the freshly boiled water. Once she had all of the supplies, Polly set to work, cleaning up (Y/N)’s cuts and scrapes and Tommy sat silently beside (Y/N) tightly gripping her hands in comfort.

When Polly was done, (Y/N) looked decent enough to go home and not have her mother notice that anything was wrong.

“Thank you so much” (Y/N) profusely thanked Polly, extremely grateful for her help.

Polly smiled at the young girl, “Of course. If you need help, don’t hesitate to come around.” 

(Y/N) couldn’t put it into words how much she appreciated the Shelby family for helping her out and not discarding her and throwing insults at her like every other family in Small Heath.

“Tommy make sure she gets home safely,” Polly ordered.

Tommy nodded and began leading (Y/N) out of the house and after one more shout of thanks to Polly, (Y/N) left the Shelby house.

“What time do you leave for school?” 

“At eight. Why?”

“I’ll come pick you up in the morning so you don’t have to walk alone.” 

(Y/N) smiled at Tommy's offer, “That would be great, thank you.”

They had reached (Y/N)’s house and (Y/N) gave him a hug and a quick kiss on the cheek before bidding him goodbye and stepping inside her house. She couldn’t wait for the walk to school the next day, excited that she finally had a friend and someone she could trust and that didn’t judge her for something she had no control over but she wasn’t ashamed of her skin colour and she loved it and embraced it, even if everyone else hated it.

[dammitadolfnomorecake]

Once Bitten, Twice Stupid prt 117

117

   Lance was slowly dying inside, thanks to his dramatic flare for extremes. How he was sweating up a storm he didn’t know. He’d shed his jacket, now tied around Keith waist, as Kosmo tugged him onwards. It was hot. He’d gone from one extreme to another and questioned if he really was a tropical vampire. It was unusual for him to get this warm, his stomach gurgling as he followed his friends through the woods to where Matt and Rieva had been the previous night. He didn’t doubt their directional skills, able to pick up where Matt had marked trees along the way. The trees Kosmo seemed to really want to pee on matching Matt’s scent.

  Ahead of him, Keith had his camera out, stopping whenever anything took his fancy. Pidge had been a total poser, roping Curtis and Hunk into helping her onto fallen trees for the perfect shot. It really was only him who was slowing the group down, thankfully able to blame it on Kosmo, mentally promising extra belly rubs and treats for him later. Nature was nice. Garrison had a couple of wooded areas but nothing like this... the only problem was the humidity. He was not a “humid vampire”.  Rieva checking on him from time to time, making him paranoid that she knew. It didn’t help that he kept moving his hand to stomach without thinking. Feeling Kosmo tug on his lead a little too hard, Lance lurched with him, world spinning as smacked into the closest tree. “Not far” in werewolf speak seemed very fucking far as he rubbed his shoulder.

  Having seen what happened, Matt laughed at him

“Dude, you’re asleep on your feet”

“Fuck off, Kosmo has to pee every two minutes”

“Let me take him”

Nooooo. He’d lose his excuse for lagging

“I’ve got him. I’m not letting you corrupt my fur son”

“Don’t come crying to me when you...”

Matt’s words becoming a predication as he tripped over his own feet, glasses going flying as Kosmo jumped on him, yipping as he did

“... trip. Damn... Keith, your boyfriend’s klutz is in overdrive”

Jogging back to him, Keith pulled Kosmo back

“Give us a moment, we’ll...”

Being viciously attacked by a tree, followed by tripping, Lance sighed as he flopped sideways, sprawling out against the cool ground

“Babe!”

     “Here, give him some water. It’s pretty hot in here”

Shay offered her water bottle, Keith pulling out his own to offer Lance

“Guys, we’re going to take a break here. You guys go ahead”

“If he’s not feeling well, shouldn’t we turn back”

Fucking... fuck. Just... fuck. Someone shoot him. Shoot him and bury him here

“I’m fine. Just hot. Gimme a moment I’ll be good to go”

“You haven’t been well since we got here...”

“I’m fine, Shay. My body likes to either torture me with freezing my arse off or making me like I’ve landed on the surface of the sun”

“Are you sure? You look very pale”

“I’m fine. Sorry, Guys. Chocolate and hiking doesn’t seem to suit me. I don’t think I’m made for the wild outdoors”

Lance sent a mental apology to Hunk over Shay being so considerate, Hunk clearing his throat

“I can stay with you... if you want?”

“Nah, man. Shay’s totally loving this wild and manly adventurer look on you. We’ll catch up in a few”

  None of his friends were sure about leaving. Pidge and Hunk thinking of him too humanly. Shiro awkwardly holding Curtis’s hand, the lie probably weighing heavily on him. Matt and Rieva were sympathetic, but knew he always threw up when he ate. Begging Matt with his eyes, Matt sighed at him

“If you two losers aren’t there in the next five minutes, I’m coming back to kick your arses”

“Sounds good. Seriously guys, don’t hike and snack”

  Leaving them behind, Keith took him by the arm and pulled him away from the middle of the track. Sitting him down at the base of a tree, Lance was grateful Kosmo and Matt hadn’t peed against it

“You look hot. Do you have a fever?”

“Nah. Too much human food and heat. You could have gone with them”

“I’m not leaving you behind. I didn’t think you felt so sick”

“I don’t really. A bit dizzy but I’m okay”

Keith unclipped the handle part of Kosmo’s lead, extending it as far it went then clipping into place around his ankle so Kosmo wouldn’t wander off

“Water?”

“Please”

Sure. It’d come up. But he needed something to cool him back down.

  Drinking carefully from Keith’s water bottle, he passed it back. The others were fussing over him. Shay especially

“Babe... do you think we should tell Shay?”

Keith hummed

“I don’t know. She’ll probably freak”

“She’s already worried. I hate it...”

“I know. The others will look after her”

“Hunk and Pidge are worried too. I’m not usually like this camping”

“You’re worrying too much. Hunk asked me if this was normal when I was doing the dishes. I told him it’s because you have no self control when he’s cooking”

“That’s true... He’s such an amazing cook. I really want him to open his own place up. I don’t think I’d stop eating if he did”

“I think we’d all be fat if we lived off his cooking. He’s better than most chefs at the places in Rome”

“I’m not surprised... Babe, I’m okay. I was hot before, but I’m cooling down”

“You flopped on the ground”

“Because it’s nice and cool. Woodlands and forests have their own micro-climates... I don’t think I do humidity well”

“Better than snow?”

“Everything’s better than snow. You didn’t have to wait back with me”

“I told you it’s fine, and it is. How do your feet feel?”

  Lance tapped his heels together three times, finding himself still trapped in the toe eating boots

“Not too bad. Not as bad as my stomach, I’m like hungry again”

“Did you want to eat?”

“I didn’t bring... oh. No. No. I’ll be okay”

“Babe, that’s not what I’m asking”

“I know what you’re asking. The smell was super strong in the cabin, it’s like stuck in my nose or something”

“If you want...”

“We talked about this”

Keith sighed heavily. Yeah. He didn’t like Lance saying no

“I know, but you’ve been slowing down and you walked into a tree”

“I didn’t walk, I was pulled into by Kosmo. Matt scented the area last night and he’s trying to scent over it all”

“I still think if you’re hungry...”

“I’ll be fine. Just the change in weather or something. To think I was wrapped up and baking in front of the fire yesterday and here we are today”

“It is pretty extreme. I know it’s late to ask, but do you know where the others are?”

  Lance suppressed rolling his eyes at Keith

“Yeah. I can hear them and I can smell them. They haven’t reached this mythical pond yet”

“I thought it was going to be closer to camp”

“Apparently werewolves like to overestimate things”

Keith snorted, getting the joke that at one time would gone right over his head

“Matt’s not going to like that”

“Then he shouldn’t have lied about the length”

  Waiting, Lance shook his head when he heard a clear “Fuck you!” from Matt

“He didn’t like the joke”

“He heard?”

Seriously. How could a hunter...? How were the Blades still around?

“Babe, werewolf. And it’s not like we’re being quiet. I don’t need to feed, I’ve cooled down now and Kosmo seems to be trying to pull your leg off. Let’s go meet the others”

“You’ll tell me if you feel weaker or faint, won’t you?”

“Yes, mum. You’re fussing too much”

“Or am I fussing just enough?”

God. He loved this man. Keith was a special kind of idiot that owner his heart and soul.

    *

The pond found by Matt and Rieva was nice and all, but Keith wasn’t sure it was that nice. At least not work the trek to the middle of fucking nowhere just to see a pond that didn’t have all that much appeal. The underground lake had been awesome. The pond a solid “eh”. Duckweed clung around edges, the reeds kind of making it nice to photograph. Pidge wasn’t thrilled their walking had ended with a pond that didn’t look safe to swim in. Finding a stray branch, she poked at the duckweed at the side of the pond

“Reckon it’s safe?”

Matt chuckled at his sister

“It was last night”

“Yeah, before you go to it. Man, you could have said it was basically a swamp”

  Standing up, Pidge threw her branch into the water

“You’re just not seeing it’s potential”

“And I’m telling mum”

Matt gaped at Pidge. Keith sucking his lips in, trying not to laugh at the look on Matt’s face. With one gape he looked thoroughly betrayed

“That’s enough. We’re here now, we might as well make the most of it”

Shiro tried to restore calm with his “Dad” voice. Hunk nervously looking around them

“We’re not going to be killed here, are we? I feel like we could be killed here”

“Guys, you’re over reacting. It’s a nice spot”

Matt was trying too hard to make the sale no one buying

“Maybe if you’re a dog... Kosmo! Ack...”

  Keith hadn’t noticed he was standing in mud, Kosmo had. Shaking himself off, mud went flying, Kosmo’s tongue lolling as he looked up at them proudly. Pidge wiping flecks off mud from her face with an unimpressed grimace

“He’s a menace...”

Great now Matt looked like he wanted to wolf out and join Kosmo in the mud

“He’s just being a dog. You wouldn’t understand”

“No, I’ll leave that to you and him. Right, if you need me, I’ll be on my tablet”

    Hunk set up the snacks he’d brought at what he deemed a safe distance from the pond. Matt showing he didn’t care by wading out into the cold water, trying to coax Kosmo in for swim. Even Kosmo was smarter than to follow that idiot. Sitting next to Lance, his boyfriend had his head resting against Keith’s shoulder

“Hey babe, can you show me that thing on your phone again?”

He didn’t think Lance would ask in front of everyone. Pulling his phone out, he unlocked it then handed it over, Lance taking the device carefully, before starting to tap on the screen. It only took him a few moments to type his message out

“The pond sucks, but you’re beautiful”

Keith tried to ignore how happy the silly message made him, typing at the end of the Lance’s message with one finger that made things infinitely harder

“Can I be handsome?”

Lance nodding as he typed back

“Don’t forget rugged and grizzly”

  Keith ducked his head, embarrassed over the praise, Lance adding

“I really love you”

Which only made his heart do that stupid thing it did. After 6 months, he thought the butterflies and weird heart beats would stop, yet Lance always seemed to make it happen far too often. Taking his phone back, he added to the message

“I love you too babe. Sorry about the pond”

Lance shook his head, it seemed the conversation had ended naturally. A moment or two passing before Lance took his phone back

“I’m sleepy. Matt was right about this being a good nap place... apart from the smell”

Yeah. It stunk to him and he was human. Damn dogs and their attraction to smell dead things

“Wanna talk a walk?”

Lance moved his head up to smile at him

“Okay... but not too far”

“Nah. I want to get some photos”

And spend some alone time with Lance again.

   Picking a path around the pond, it was larger than reeds and duckweed made it seem. Lance holding his hand as they walked, Keith found he didn’t actually know what to say. Walking like this was nice. Maybe it was okay for things to be quiet? It didn’t feel uncomfortable until he realised they’d walked quite a way from the others. Pidge could still be heard yelling, some laughter in the otherwise still air... Then Lance went and sighed. He wished he knew what his boyfriend was thinking. And why he’d snapped at Shiro. Shiro seemed okay, and Lance would apologise again, even though he probably didn’t need to

“Babe?”

“I’m okay...”

“You sighed”

Lance sighed at him again, Keith rolling his eyes before pulling Lance in for a hug, Lance protesting lightly

“I’m fine”

“You still sighed”

“You weren’t saying anything...”

  Keith couldn’t help but chuckle

“I was thinking the same thing... it’s nice not being surrounded by noise”

“Speak for yourself”

Keith kissed Lance’s forehead as he slid his hands down to his boyfriend’s arse. Lance squeaking as he groped him lightly

“What was that for?!”

“Because I could. Want to take a break?”

“Actually, yeah... You haven’t been taking any photos”

“That’s because I was too busy holding your hand. Want to try to taking a photo with me?”

“Haven’t you got enough of me?”

Keith chuckled again. He’d meant of the lake, and he knew he was biased and all, but he couldn’t have enough photos of Lance

“Nope. Here, I want to show you something”

  Sliding around Lance, so he was now standing behind him, Keith popped the cap off the camera lens and flicked the knob to on. The camera chiming as it booted up

“Okay. Now, we’re going to take a photo”

“I know how to take a photo”

“Mmmm... but you said you weren’t sure about it and I want to share this with you”

In Rome he’d been shit scared everyone would find out and laugh at him over his hobby. Sometimes it was hard to have his camera out in front of their friends, but with Lance it was easier. His boyfriend never judged, even before they were dating

“It’s just duckweed”

Keith moved the camera to the right

“See how the light filters through the trees, and almost cuts the photo in half on the diagonal? If we zoom in, what do you see?”

On the screen he showed Lance the different. The way the one section caught the light, almost shimmering in the specs of water between the weedy growth

“That’s cool”

“Yeah... hold on”

Clicking the capture button, the image appeared on the screen for a few seconds before returning to viewfinder. Zooming out slowly, Lance perked up

“I like that one”

Keith bit down his snort. Lance must have assumed he’d already capture the image. His boyfriend reading his body language

“Not like that. It’s half and half properly now”

Keith clicked capture again, he personally would have moved the camera a little to the left to get the light balance two thirds instead of the half

“It is. But if we move it like this, tell me which looks better”

Adjusting his view, Lance hummed at him

“I get it... and it’d be a totally different picture again if you changed the angle”

“Yep...”

  Letting his head loll back on Keith’s shoulder, Lance smiled at him

“I don’t think I’ll ever be a star photographer, but it suits you”

“I could teach you properly”

“You offered before. Honestly, I really like watching you. The way your eyes light up when you’ve got a shot you like”

“Am I really that transparent?”

“A little. I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone with eyes as honest as yours”

“Then you really do need glasses”

They would have forgotten Lance’s glasses earlier if Kosmo hadn’t pawed at them when they were getting ready to meet up with the other

“And you need to accept the compliment”

“You’re the one who compliments me too much”

“Then you shouldn’t be so kind to me”

Keith groaned. What was he supposed to do with that?

“Shut up”

Lance laughed at him. Keith dropping his left hand to rub his boyfriend’s stomach, Lance immediately letting out a soft moan that was far too cute

“Stoooooop”

“Why?”

“Because we’re got company that can hear me moaning and all you’re doing is messing with me”

“I’m not messing with you. Does it feel okay?”

“Honestly human food came up so hard in the cabin that I don’t want to eat”

“You kept the water down”

“I went and dealt with that while Hunk was finding the perfect picnic spot”

“You should have...”

“Babe. You know things came out one way or the other... Kind of comes with the whole being dead thing. I love that you care, but you’ve also got to remember I’ve been dealing with this for years and I’m used to dealing with it alone”

“Doesn’t mean you have to now”

“Fine, the next time I have to shit my guts out...”

Keith wrinkled his nose

“Okay. Okay. I’m overthinking. As long as you’re okay”

  It was then that Lance’s stomach let out a loud gurgle. His boyfriend closing his eyes as he groaned

“I’m sick of it. It’s been doing that nonstop”

“Are you hungry?”

“A little...”

“You should eat”

“I didn’t pack anything. I thought “short walk” would be like a “human short walk””

“You need to eat. It’s not good...”

“I’ll be fine”

“Babe...”

“Keith, I’ll be fine”

Lance needed to be eating more. More of everything if you asked Keith. He didn’t like Lance having to throw up, but he and their baby needed the calories

“Then take...”

“No”

“You... look. You can feed off my fingers again. Just enough to make the hunger go away”

“Why do you keep offering?”

  How did Lance not know? Other than the jealousy, which he was trying to work through, he didn’t have a problem. Lance wasn’t going to turn him from a feed. So why couldn’t his boyfriend see it was because of how he felt about him

“Because I love you. If we were in opposite positions, you’d be forcing it on me”

“I’m not that forceful”

“Right. And I’m not secretly half alien here hiding from the master race”

Lance laughed, face scrunched up as he did

“You know, you’d make a good half alien. I’d still love you just as much”

“You’re such a damn sap”

“And you’re twice as bad. Can we sit for a bit? I don’t feel like going back just yet”

“We’re not walking around the entire pond?”

Lance shrugged, opening his eyes

“I was following you”

Keith played along

“But I was following you”

His boyfriend shrugged again

“I guess we’re lost forever then”

“I think I’m okay with that”

     *

Lance’s knees gave out on the way back to the others. Disguising it as tripping, he wasn’t sure why they’d suddenly given out. Not until he saw his hands. His nails long, dug into the ground. He could feel his fangs against his lip, edges pressing down against the toughened skin. Raising his head to look at Keith, Keith swore softly, his boyfriend pushing him aside as he drew out his hand gun. Lance not even getting the chance to be shocked as Keith shot him.

  Shooting up from where he’d fallen asleep against Hunk, he realised everyone was staring at him. Right. They were in the main cabin now. He, Hunk, and Pidge had been sitting on the sofa. The three of them with their feet on the coffee table as they compared blisters and Curtis tended to their feet

“Ugh, bud? You okay there?”

Dropping back down beside Hunk, Hunk wrapped his arms around him. Keith was in the bathroom washing Kosmo with Shiro, so he couldn’t have been asleep for very long

“Yeah. Ugh ... I think I fell asleep”

“You did... I’ve been wondering how to wake you up so I could start dinner”

“How long was I out?”

“Half an hour. Keith’s still trying to get Kosmo clean...”

  Lance could feel the dirt beneath his nails. His body wouldn’t stop shaking at the thought of Keith putting a bullet in his brain... Whining the name of his best friend softly, he needed the comfort Hunk provided  

“Hunk...”

“Why don’t you help me with dinner? It’s been a while since we cooked together”

Lance kind of felt disappointed. He wanted to cuddle with his best friend, but Hunk liked to be moving when he had a lot to think about

“Okay... What’s for dinner?”

“Pasta, made fresh”

“Alright...”

  Lance washed his hands, the scent of blood from the morning had finally started to disappear. As Hunk grabbed the eggs out the fridge, he watched his friend. Pidge was watching from them from the sofa... probably worrying. He made everyone worry and it was so damn draining

“Right. Can you grab the flour out?”

“Ah... sure”

Lance should have picked up on the signs Hunk was trying to distract him. Grabbing the flour out the pantry, Hunk smiled softly as he moved to the kitchen bench, Lance joining him

“Bud, I know somethings up. You can tell me”

“It’s...”

He wanted to. He wanted to so badly... That nightmare had shaken him. He didn’t think he was strong enough to keep his secret

“I... Hunk...”

As he sniffled Hunk pulled him into a hug

“Whatever happens, Bud, you can rely on me”

“I know... I know... it’s just not... I... I don’t want you to hate me”

“I won’t... Do you need a bit to think it out?”

“Yeah... I had a nightmare Keith shot me in the head and... I’ve been lying again... and I hate it...”

“It’s alright. I mean, I know you’ve got a few secrets... you’d have to. Here, pour out the flour for me... and I’ll get the pasta machine out”

  Lance poured the flour on the bench, sniffling as he did. He didn’t know where everyone one was, but he did know he couldn’t mentally keep his secret any longer. He’d wanted to wait. To be more confident and sure of the pregnancy. Flattening out the flour, Hunk bumped into him gently

“It’s just flour, Bud. No need for the tears”

Fuck... He needed his best friend. Having a boyfriend was a different kind of friendship...

“I... I’m...”

“Lance, it’s okay, Bud. You don’t have to rush right away”

“It’s not that... you can’t tell”

“Now you’re making me worried”

“Just... hang on”

  Keith put the idea in his head, Lance spelling out his secret in the flour. Those simple letters with so much more meaning

“Don’t tell anyone yet...”

He spelt it out, waiting for Hunk to catch on, his bestie humming when he did, Lance brushing the flour back into place

“... Matt and Rieva hear everything”

Hunk nodded quickly, before drawing a smiley face in the flour

“I’m pregnant”

This two words had Hunk sweeping him into the tightest hug of his life as Lance messed the flour up to hide the evidence

“I... I wondered... are you...?”

Lance nodded as his nerves went weird. Hunk hugging him hadn’t been... well it’d been a dream

“Oh, man... it makes sense now... but... nope, I’ll ask later...”

“Thank you... I’m so sorry”

“Shhh... Keith, uh, he kind of put the idea in my head and I guess maybe he wanted me to work it out”

“Keith is very attached to “macaroon”... just don’t use the word too much”

  Hunk immediately let him go, hands going to Lance’s shoulders as he hung his head

“I thought you just wanted macaroons...”

“It’s okay, Hunk. But now Pidge is watching, she’s about ready to demand to know what’s going on”

“Oh, right. Be cool... be cool... do you need anything? Should you be resting?”

Great. Someone else to over worry about him...

“I’m okay. It’s not that different just more puking. Anyway, we should start dinner”

“Yeah, man. I’m making garlic knots. This is a special occasion”

“You’re not grossed out”

“I’m shocked, not quite sure how it works, or if I really want to ask, but as long as...”

Lance threw his arms around Hunk. Nearly sobbing in relief of the weight lifted off his shoulders, and, kind of more importantly, that his best bro wasn’t about to reject him.

  “Okay, you two are acting weird. What’s going on here? And why am I not part of it?”

Lance peered at Pidge over his best friends shoulder

“Hunk promised to teach me the secret ingredient in his mama’s spaghetti bolognese!”

Pidge’s eyes went wide

“That’s a top secret family recipe!”

“That’s why I’m excited... I’ve been after it for years!”

He already had the recipe, but there was something different about how Hunk’s mother made it taste. Being taught to be useful he’d offered to help Hunk’s mother, memorising things by watching her. She kind of loved him, not that he was bragging

“Sorry, guys. I can teach Lance the recipe but we’ll have to talk about it when we get home. I don’t have everything here”

  Lance pulled away, wiping at his eyes. The conversation may have gone differently if Keith hadn’t already planted that thought in Hunk’s brain

“Dude... I’m totally betrayed here. It’s a good thing the pastas going to be delicious”

“I wouldn’t say that...”

“Hunk, you are a kitchen god descended before us mostly human beings. Even Keith agrees. We’d all be fat with how good your cooking is, buddy”

Hunk shuffled nervously under the praise

“I don’t know. You and Miriam know so many great recipes too”

“Which I’ll totally teach you. Let’s get the pasta started”

“Sure thing, man”

Watching the exchange, Pidge grumbled

“Boys are so freaking weird. I’m going to go hang with Shay, at least she’s interesting”

“Let her nap. She’s making the most of getting some sleep in before she goes back to work”

  Lance realised he hadn’t thought to ask about Shay... Pidge made a show of climbing off the sofa, walking away from them with his feet turned slightly out to avoid pulling weight on the blisters on her big toes. Lance waited until she was gone before whispering

“Hunk, I want to ask you something and I want you to be honest. Do you think I should I tell her the truth? Like about me? I don’t want you having to lie to her, it sucked so damn hard having to lie to you, and I don’t want to rob you of your happiness with her”

“I don’t know, man... I don’t want to freak her out... I don’t want her freaking out at me for hiding it...”

“I know. I know and I’m sorry... I hated lying to you, but once you know about the scary things you can’t take it all back”

  Realising they were born whispering at the same time, the moves away from each other. Lance moving to start welling the flour, Hunk going on the search for his pasta rolling machine

“Let me think about it? I’m still... processing... I mean... you and Keith are dudes... you’re... a guy... and I’m not saying this right, man. I’m like super happy for you... but I still have like a hundred questions of how this even happens”

  They didn’t have time for the hundred questions. Lance still a hundred questions over how it’s happened and how he was going to get Hunk alone to fill him in on everything so far

“I’m a different type of vampire from drinking Keith’s blood. That still sounds really gross and wrong... I’m really gross when you think about it. I only did it to save his life and my body started changing thanks to it. I really love Keith, but I don’t... the thought of feeding from someone warm and living, makes me feel gross”

“I kind of don’t think about it. I mean, I do, but I mean like you’re our best friend. Me and Pidge are starting to get it”

“You shouldn’t have to though...”

“It’s weird, but when you think about it, blood is used in a lot of different dishes around the world. Mongolian tribes have this dish made of horse blood and milk, and then there’s things like blood sausages... I mean, no one gets hurt right? To get the blood?”

“It’s donated. People get compensated... Coran makes sure they’re not mistreated or anything like that... It’s... um... easier to eat when you don’t know where it’s from”

“Like it’s easier to eat devilled ham spread when you don’t know they use pig eyeballs and eye lashes in it”

  Lance shook his head, he didn’t want to feel so reassured that it was okay to be drinking human blood in front of his human friends

“You’re being too calm”

“Lance, have you ever wanted to feed off of me, or off of Pidge”

Lance took instant offence

“No! Ew... no. I love you guys, how could you even think that’s okay!”

“You just answered how we’re okay with this. You wouldn’t. Not unless there was absolutely no other option. You’ve got another option, but if you didn’t, neither of us want to see you suffer. We’re friends and friends work things out together”

  Oh.

  Deserting his role with the flour, Lance wrapped his arms around Hunk again

“I’m sorry I lost it... I shouldn’t have snapped...”

Hunk chuckled, always up for a hug

“It’s fine, man. Sometimes you get caught up in your head too much”

“I’ve never had... you know... human friends who knew about me. You guys... I love you guys so much. I’d never feed on you... I can’t...”

“I don’t know, Shay calls me her “tasty snack”...”

“Yeah. No. She can snack on you. I’m sorry, I’m being all weird”

“You’ve been weirder than normal for weeks now, but you’ve always been a little weird”

“I’ve been weird for 7 weeks... Keith’s accident started it all”

Hunk swatted at his arm

“Dude. Too much information”

“We we’re going to wait until the next time I saw Coran...”

“It’s okay. I’m not about to tell... but you need to be taking better care of yourself”

“I’m trying. God. At this rate dinner’s never going to be done”

“Are you saying my hugs aren’t worth it?”

“They’re totally worth it... you’re like, the coolest dude ever”

“It’s my gift and my curse”

  They both laughed. Out of everyone, he was so fucking relieved that Hunk knew. He just hoped Pidge would take the news as well as him.

[davieslandon]

Discord Thread || Landon&Stas

Discord thread featuring: Landon & @ancstasio

When: March 23rd

Mentions: @jayceelynd @romanbeckett @aaronhart93

Description: Before going to the airport for their trip to London, Landon makes a quick detour at Stas’ place to tell him Jaycee’s pregnant and that the baby is his. 

Trigger Warnings: nothing, I think 

LANDON

Landon wasn't planning on making any detours before going to the airport to catch their flight. They were very early but Elle was so excited about going to London to visit grandma that they were ready a lot sooner than he would be if he was going on his own. His daughter wasn't amused when he said that he needed to make a quick stop to talk to a friend first but promising to let her watch a couple of YouTube videos while he talked to Stas worked a charm. Landon knew that wasn't exactly star parenting but he really needed to talk to his...friend, fuck buddy, something more? With Stas leaving for Paris before he got back from London, that didn't leave him with many options and this was something the other needed to hear from him. Him and Jaycee were going to announce the pregnancy at some point and he wanted the people he was close with to hear it from him. He knocked at the door and smiled when the other answered. "Sorry, it's so last minute." And strange. It wasn't every day that he hung out with Stas with his daughter there.

anastasio

stas seemed to have been running all over his house since he got home last night, having to pack a few bags to leave for paris sometime that day because he had some morello business to do for his parents and probably for the launch of his own morello line in the future that he was secretly working on. he had to make sure he had the right clothes and all of his work things in order and packed, which was why he was up early. he knew landon was coming over, for what? he had no idea, but he knew that he'd be glad to see landon, he was always glad to see landon. he's running down the steps of his home when he hears the knock on his door, knowing that it was landon there. he's walking into his foyer, opening the door to the vestibule before opening the front door to welcome there. "hey, no problem." he states, motioning both of them inside.

LANDON

Landon followed him inside and got Elle settled with his phone and a playlist of her favourite videos. He could tell that Stas was busy so he was even more grateful that he was taking the time to talk to him at the last minute. "Is there somewhere we can talk a little more privately?" His daughter knew that she was going to be a big sister but this still wasn't something that he wanted to do in front of her. So he followed him to another room and tried not to look as nervous as he felt. They weren't together or anything like that. On the contrary, they both had the tendency to insist they were just friends but it was still going to be a shocking announcement. "So...here's the thing. You know Jaycee right?" What a stupid question. Somehow this was even harder than when he told Roman and Aaron. "There was this holiday party last December, we were both drunk and...hooked up. Now she's pregnant."

anastasio

stas let's landon get his daughter settled somewhere in the living room once they were in the house, nodding his head at the question. "um, yeah, we could go into my office over there." he points to the french doors before he's leading landon inside, shutting the door over, but not all of the way, just in case they needed to listen for elle. "sorry it's a mess in here, been working on some stuff and trying to figure out what i need to take with me for meetings and whatever." he states, chuckling for a moment before he's leaning against the desk, looking towards landon. stas is nodding his head as he listened to landon, smiling softly. "really?" stas questioned before he smirks softly. "that great, lan, i'm happy for you." 

LANDON

Landon was never the sort of person to comment about other people's mess. His office was a disaster most of the times and he was the only one who could find anything in it so this wasn't anything he wasn't used to. That, and he had other things to worry about at the moment. He wasn't sure what sort of reaction he was expecting from the other but it definitely wasn't something so...calm. It caught him off guard and left him staring at Stas with wide eyes, almost like he was waiting for the other shoe to drop. "Thank you?" It came out sounding more like a question than a statement.

anastasio

he's sure most people wouldn't care about the office being much of a mess, but stas figured that he just cared too much about how he presented himself. there's a chuckle falling from his lips, fingers reaching up to push some of his hair back as he looked towards landon, mostly confused by the male's response to him. "i don't know if you were expecting a different response." he smirks softly, shrugging once more. "you having another kid isn't going to change what i think about you or, uh, how i feel about you for that matter." he tells landon, shrugging once more. 

LANDON

Landon wasn’t expecting screaming or tears but he also didn’t think Stas would react so calmly. His words were enough for him to relax slightly. What his friend meant by what he felt about him, he didn’t know, but the fact that he wasn’t judging him for getting his friend pregnant after a hookup was enough for him. Landon wasn’t sure what was going on between him and Stas other than the obvious but at least now he would still have a chance to figure it out. He didn’t ruin things, that’s all he could really ask for. “I don’t know what I was expecting. Everyone I’ve told so far was so shocked that I figured you’d react similarly.”

anastasio

stas didn't see any reason to be indifferent or not react so shocked or anything about the idea of landon having a child with somebody that he hooked up with months ago. shit happens and he was a firm believer in that, really. stas didn't see the idea of the other being a father to a second child to change anything between them, it didn't change anything because it wasn't like landon was in a relationship or anything. he still had a chance with landon and a chance to see what would happen with them in the future or where this thing between them was really going. "eh, i don't see a reason to be shocked or anything. it's a normal thing that happens, really." 

LANDON

Landon wished he had the same reaction as Stas when Jaycee first told him she was pregnant. It probably would have been more comforting than the shock and disbelief he ended up offering. He was almost thirty years old so it’s not like Landon still needed to learn how babies are made but both him and Jaycee were both so sure that pregnancy wasn’t an option that it never even crossed his mind to worry the day after the party. At least Stas wasn’t choking on his pasta like Aaron did when he told him. “That...makes sense I guess. Although I was definitely shocked when I first found out. But thanks, I should have known there was nothing for me to worry about.” 

anastasio

stas could understand landon's reaction when he first found out, he couldn't really even imagine how it would feel if somebody told him that they were pregnant. maybe that's why stas took it in a less shocking manner, he wasn't truly sure, but, oh well. "oh, totally, i'm sure it's shocking to find out that somebody you've hooked up with ended up pregnant. it's a lot to take in and figure out or whatever." 

LANDON

“Tell me about it, at least we’re friends. It would have been so much worse if all of this happened with some one night stand I don’t even remember the name of”, he said, lips twisting just at the thought of it. Jaycee was one of his good friends and Elle loved her, so at least he didn’t have to worry about co-parenting with someone he didn’t get along with. “I wanted to tell you before I go to London since you’ll be in Paris when I get back. Didn’t want you to find out from some Instagram post or something.” 

anastasio

"that would have been terrible, especially because then you'd probably find out once the kid was an adult or something." stas responds, shrugging his shoulders towards the other male. he's nodding his head at the question, soft smile on his lips towards the man. "well, i'm glad you felt the need to tell me, at least. i suppose it is much better hearing it from you and not from, like, instagram or something." 

LANDON

Something like that would have broken his heart. Landon might not have expected it but he was still excited to be a dad again. The thought of having a kid out there he didn’t know about was enough to stress him out. “Yeah, that wouldn’t have been fair on you. It’s why I’m going to London. My mum would kill me if I didn’t tell her something like this in person.” 

anastasio

stas is nodding his head, chuckling softly at the other man's words. "i can honestly only imagine not telling my madre something like that in person but letting them find out on like, social media or some shit like that." he responds, chuckling to himself once more. "but, i hope it goes well for you, telling her and all of that. at least try to enjoy yourself where you're there, yeah?" 

LANDON

"If your mum is anything like mine, she would kill you. And don't even get me started on my sisters, they would have my head if I let them find out I'm having another kid on social media." Landon knew it wasn't the same for everyone and some siblings spent months not talking to each other but that's what you get when you stay close to your family. "I'm sure she'll be supportive once she stops ranting at me", he laughed, shaking his head. "I'll see you when we both get back?" 

anastasio

"madre would totally kill you and nobody would find out." stas jokes, letting a chuckle fall from his lips towards landon. he nods, "i'm sure they'll all be supportive, you have nothing to worry about." stas explains, hoping that he's reassuring the other man. "yeah, of course we'll see each other when we get back. we'll grab dinner or something." 

LANDON

Now that it was out of the way and Stas knew why he was going to London for an impromptu visit to his family, he felt a little more relaxed. His mum was going to be supportive no matter what and now at least he knew that once he got back the two of them could go right back where they left off. He walked out of the office with Stas and back to the living room, where Elle was still sitting down with his phone in her hands. As soon as they walked in, she raised her head and directed a bright smile at him that never failed to make Landon’s day better. “Ready to go angel?” he asked, bending down to pick up one of her many bags that she refused to leave in the car. “We’re going to head off, have a flight to catch and all that. Text me about that dinner when you get back.” 

anastasio

stas follows landon out of the office and back into the living room where landon's daughter was, especially so that he could walk them to the door and what not. he listens to landon's words, nodding his head at the other male with a soft smile. "yeah, course i will." he states before he's leading landon and elle towards the door. "you two have fun in london, alright?"

LANDON

Important news aside, he was excited for the opportunity to go to London again. New York was great and he couldn’t really imagine himself living anywhere else at this point but London was always going to be his second home, and he knew they would both have a few days of fun with their family. “We will.” With one last smile at Stas, he took Elle’s hand in his and together they walked out, with his daughter chatting away about all the things she was going to buy from London. 

[crazycat-88]

Male Orc Raum x Female Reader Part 2 (NSFW) Complete

The continuation of my orc story that I did in part for the Ok:Cryptid Collab by @thetravelerwrites 

Part 1 - Here

I’m not particularly happy with this one, but I think it’s as good as its going to get. I hope you enjoy it anyway.

This story also introduces you to West Oaks, a small town that has been mentioned in a previous story. I will be writing more stories that feature this town. NSFW at the very end,  for those who don’t like it but still want to read the story.

Wordcount:2,257

The following Friday you find yourself on your doorstep with a packed bag, waiting on Raum to pick you up. Pulling up in his car, you get in only to be accosted by Buster, the dobermann that’s meant to be in the back seat. Laughing, you give him some attention before telling him to lie down.

‘‘Hey, got everything you need?’’ Raum asks, grinning at you.

You nod, before giving him a kiss in greeting. Pulling back, you ask, ‘‘How long will it take for us to get there?’’

‘‘About four hours.’’ he smiles. ‘‘Feel free to put the music on.’’

Fiddling with the music player, you eventually find something you like. Looking back at Buster, you see he has already settled down to sleep, and smile. ‘‘So… tell me what your hometown is like and who I’m all going to meet.’’

‘‘Well… the travel guides will tell you it’s an idyllic little coastal town, with picturesque views, sandy beaches, a forest further inland… A lake, quaint little houses and a market every Wednesday and Sunday with stalls, where the townsfolk sell a variety of things.’’

‘‘And what would you tell me?’’ you ask.

‘‘The same,’’ he laughs. ‘‘No seriously, it is all that and more. It’s the perfect location for non-humans and always has been. Three hundred years ago all that was there was an orc compound and monster folk hiding in the forest. Eventually more people came, starting with humans who had mated with monsters and it built from there. Now it’s the most monster populated town there is I believe.’’

‘‘Certainly sounds idyllic,’’ you smile.

‘‘It is for the most part. I mean it’s not perfect, no town is… it has problems like everywhere else. Old prejudices between the different species and such, but for the most part it’s good. It’s home.’’ he says, with a fond smile.

‘‘What about your family? Who am I going to meet?’’

‘‘Well there’s my mother Eivor, she’ll love you, my dad John, my older brother Dane and his wife Naria and their two children. My younger brothers, Sigmar and Halden, Halden’s the birthday boy,’’ he says, looking over to you briefly. ‘‘Then there's cousins, aunts, uncles and family friends,’’ he laughs.

‘‘That’s a lot of people,’’ you say, nervously frowning.

‘‘They’ll all love you, don’t worry so much,’’ he smiles giving your knee a squeeze.

You spend the rest of the journey, talking about his family, and he lets you know what you can expect from certain folk. You learn that his dad John, a human, is technically his step-father but he’s been a dad to Raum since he was five and he thinks of him as his real dad.

You make one stop on the journey, to grab lunch and let Buster out to run. Soon enough you're seeing the signs pointing to West Oaks, looking around you notice the surrounding area is mostly countryside and woodland. As you enter the outskirts of the town itself, you see exactly what Raum meant when he said the town was picturesque. With rolling hills, lush greenery, a few scattered white houses and the coastline in the distance with crystal clear blue water. It’s beautiful you think gazing around in awe.

‘‘It’s so beautiful here,’’ you say, turning to look at Raum, before gazing back out of the window.

‘‘Nothing like the city eh?’’ he says, chuckling.

Not at all, you think, shaking your head. Seeing you’re now entering the central part of town, you can see the townsfolk strolling the streets and loads of little shops and housing, some of which are painted in bright colours, making you smile. Along the coastline there are little cottages and you can just about spot a lighthouse in the distance. What a place to call home you think to yourself.

‘‘I booked us a beach house for our stay here, do you want to go there first or shall we go let my folks know we’re here?’’ Raum says, looking at you before looking back at the road.

‘‘We aren’t staying at your parents house?’’ you ask, slightly confused. You had just assumed you would be and are a bit surprised he’s booked a place to stay.

‘‘No, my folks house will be packed as it is and while I know my mother would fit us in, I didn’t want to overwhelm you…’’ he says. ‘‘I also thought for our first… vacation together, we might like some privacy.’’

You see him throwing you looks, looking a little nervous, waiting on your reaction. You smile and squeeze his thigh, ‘‘Thank you,’’ you say. ‘‘Let's go see them first then, so when we get to the beach house we can just relax for the evening.’’

Nodding, he gives you a smile. You continue to gaze out the car window while he drives to his folks house. As soon as you have parked, you see an orc rush out the house and throw herself into Raums’ arms. She’s clearly an older orc but still very beautiful. As she finishes fussing over Raum, she looks over at you and gathers you up in her arms in a hug.

‘‘Look at you! Aren’t you a pretty one…’’ she says looking at you.

‘‘Um… thank you…’’ you say chuckling, feeling flustered.

‘I’m Eivor, but feel free to call me Mum.’’ she says, as she leads you into the house. ‘‘Come meet my John, and the rest of my brood.’’

Looking back, you see that Raum is shaking his head in despair, obviously embarrassed but wearing a small smile. He lets Buster out the back of the car and the dog runs straight into the house, taking over all of you. As you get inside, you see the Buster has jumped up on another orc, who’s clearly one of Raum’s brothers.

Spending the afternoon with Raum’s family is a lot more fun than you ever thought it could be. All of them are so friendly and welcoming that your nerves soon settle. You end up spending the whole time laughing flustered as you watch Raum’s brothers tease and badger him over how he managed to find a catch like you. When Raum tells his folks, it's time for the two of you to leave, you actually feel reluctant to go so soon.

Knowing you’ll be returning tomorrow, you say your goodbyes and Raum drives you both to the rented beach house. The house is beautiful, you think, as you wander around exploring it. With three bedrooms, living room, kitchen and a porch out back that gives you a stunning view of the beach and water, you think you could happily stay there forever.

Deciding to take Buster for a walk along the beach, you and Raum casually stroll down the beach holding hands. He points out some of the different shops and where some of his favourite places are. At one point you think you see orca breaching the surface but soon realise it's actually a mer-orca and smile delighted.

You and Raum end up at one of the beach front restaurants, named The Shark Tank, for dinner, sitting outside as you have taken Buster along too. Your served by a pretty blonde girl who looks human at first glance but you see as she serves you that she has webbing in between her fingers and very pointy sharp teeth. Raum informs you that she is one of the rare mer-sharks that can take human form.

‘‘Does she own this place?’’ you ask Raum questionly.

‘‘Yes, her and her brother do, most of the staff that work here are mer-folk too,’’ he replies.

After your dinner your feeling very full and very tired, heading back to the beach house, Raum asks if you want to share a bedroom or use one of the others. You think about it briefly, quickly deciding to share, you tell Raum and he smiles widely and pulls you into his side with his arm around you. As both of you are really tired, you go straight to bed, and cuddling in to each other, share soft slow kisses before eventually falling asleep.

In the morning, you and Raum take Buster for a walk along the beach again. He takes you to a little cove, which is empty of other people, and you play fetch with Buster, running about and falling in the sand. Laughingly Raum takes you in arms and thoroughly kisses you, wandering hands explore each other and just before things escalate, Buster starts barking.

Looking up, you see a couple of mermaids have joined you in the cove and they’re leaning up on the rocks watching you both grinning. When they spot they’ve been seen, they slip back into the water, waving goodbye as they go. Laughing, you and Raum get up to leave the beach.

You spend the afternoon in the town, Raum takes you round all the shops, telling you the stories about some of the buildings there. You fall in love with one shop in particular, that sells little figurines of all types of creatures, all hand painted and beautiful. You wish you had the money to buy them all, but settle for one of an orc, who you tease looks just like Raum.

Wanting to get Halden a birthday present, you pick up a figurine of a small tortoiseshell cat that Raum assures you that he will love. That done, you head back to the beach house, with a few hours to spare before the party.

‘‘What do you want to now?’’ Raum asks, sitting beside you on the couch.

‘‘Take a nap?’’ you laugh, feeling tired from all the walking.

‘‘Hmm… in bed?’’ he asks.

When you nod, he picks you up and carries you into the bedroom and puts you in bed. Getting in beside you, he strokes your cheek and leans forward to kiss you. Swiping his tongue along your lips, you allow him entrance, sucking on his tongue. As his hands start exploring your breasts over your top, he bucks against you and you can feel he’s already hard.

Groaning he asks, ‘‘Do you want to…’’ before cutting off with a whimper as your hands trace his erection through his trousers.

‘‘Yes,’’ you say, moving away to remove your clothing. You watch as he rushes to get his own clothes off. Watching as he strips, you see his body as just as you expected, lean and fit, with fine hair on his chest. His cock is a good length and decent girth, with a mushroom head, not to big but bigger than you’d ever taken before.

Taking you back in your arms, he leans over you kissing you again, before moving down your body. Kissing and sucking your breasts, he fondles one with one hand, feeling it’s weight before playing with your nipple. His other hand trails down to your slit, finding you wet, he spreads your juices along your folds before entering one of his fingers inside you. Working it in and out of you, he slowly adds another. With two fingers inside of you, you beg for him asking for his cock.

‘‘You’re not ready for that yet…’’ he groans, moving his fingers faster.

Moaning and writhing on the bed, you cry out as he adds a third finger and uses his thumb to circle your clit. ‘‘Please… please,’’ you moan.

‘‘Come for me,’’ he says, before nipping at your breasts. As he crooks a finger, just in the right spot, you come hard, squealing his name. You watch moaning as he raises his hand, covered in your cum, and sucks his fingers.

‘‘God… you taste good,’’ he says. Rising up on to his knees, you see his cock is already weeping, and taking it in his hand, he spreads your cum over it with a groan. Lining himself up, he pauses to look at you, ‘‘Tell me if I hurt you,’’ he asks.

Nodding, you groan as he slowly enters you, to slowly for your liking. Grabbing at his waist, you tilt your hips up, taking him in to you completely. He groans and swears, as you wince, it’s not painful but your filled so full it’s slightly uncomfortable. Wrapping your legs around him, you hook your ankles around his waist, holding him still.

‘‘Oh god…I feel so full,’’ you say, catching your breath, ‘‘Move... please Raum,’’ you plead.

Raum slowly pulls out and pushes back in, thrusting gently. ‘‘Fuck! Your tight,’’ he gasps.

Starting to move faster, he grunts as you tighten around him, moving his hand down he starts stroking at your clit, pleading for you to come.  Inhaling sharply, clutching at his shoulders, you come with a cry, scratching your nails down his back.

He comes inside you with a grunt, back arching, and hands tightening where he holds you. Collapsing to the side of you, you both pant harshly, trying to catch your breath.

‘‘Wow,’’ he starts breathlessly. ‘‘That was… I’m not sure I’m going to be able to walk anytime soon.’’

‘‘Me either,’’ you laugh breathlessly, turning to face him, throwing an arm around him. ‘‘How long until the party starts?’’

Groaning he sits up slightly to check the clock, ‘‘We’ve got an hour and a half before we have to be there,’’ he says collapsing back onto the bed. ‘‘Time for a quick nap,’’ he laughs, pulling you to lie half on top of him.

Nuzzling into his chest, you agree and soon fall asleep with a smile on your face, listening to his heartbeat.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

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My Masterlist

[besidemethewholedamntime]

i’ll be there for you

Hello @tomatobookworm here’s your gift for the Geminids exchange! I went with Fitzsimmons and first dates. It was so much fun to write and I really enjoyed it! Thank you so much for your prompt and I hope you like it <3

I’ll be there for you

Summary: 

"She tries to stand up in order to put on her coat but as she does the world suddenly tilts and she stumbles, ungracefully grabbing at the table in order to remain standing. The cutlery jumps, and her water spills over her glass. Fitz is immediately by her side, hand gently on her elbow as he keeps her steady."

On a blind date with Fitz, Jemma suddenly becomes unwell and has to leave. On the car journey home they get to know each other. A Geminids exchange gift!

{Read on Ao3}

or read below!

“Are you quite alright?”

Jemma looks across the table at her blind date, who peers at her with concern. She wants to feel affronted, before realising that she’s breathing awfully hard with her hand clutched to her chest, and the reason he’s just asked may have something to do with the fact that she’s just coughed non-stop for two minutes and thirty-seven seconds.

“I’ll be fine.” She goes to take a sip of water. “Thank you.”

He looks doubtful. “Are you sure?”

She can understand his concern. Her face feels as though it’s on fire and she’s sure red cheeks and glassy eyes are making an appearance. Yesterday she only had a cold, if it could even be called that.  A sniffle. Throughout the day she’s gotten steadily worse to the point where their starters have only just been cleared and she’s feeling like death has suitably warmed over.

“On second thought, perhaps it is best that we give up for tonight.” She tries to smile at her date, who it has to be said is looking awfully handsome. Usually she doesn’t trust Hunter’s recommendation for dates, most of them being as animal as him, but this one seems different. A good kind of different.

“Of course.” He smiles at her, putting up his hand to signal for the bill. She goes to get out her purse and he waves her away.

“Fitz, no. I can’t let you do that. I’m cancelling barely twenty minutes in.”

“You’re ill,” he says. “And you shouldn’t have to pay when you could barely eat it.”

“All the same…”

But the waiter has already brought the bill on a silver tray that makes the world spin when Jemma looks at it and she concedes to letting Fitz pay right now, and promises herself that she’ll pay him back.

She tries to stand up in order to put on her coat but as she does the world suddenly tilts and she stumbles, ungracefully grabbing at the table in order to remain standing. The cutlery jumps, and her water spills over her glass. Fitz is immediately by her side, hand gently on her elbow as he keeps her steady.

“Oops,” she laughs weakly. “I’m very sorry.”

“Don’t worry about it.” Fitz takes her coat and holds it while she fumbles with the arms. When her head clears, she’s sure the embarrassment will set in, but for now she can’t bring herself to care.  “Did you drive here?”

“Yes. Of course, I did.” She sees his face, or most of it anyway, looking horrified. “Don’t look at me like that,” she tells him indignantly. “I was feeling well enough to earlier on.”

“So, it’s just when you saw me then, eh?”

This Fitz is quite funny, and she wishes she didn’t feel so ill so she could have had a chance to get to know him better.  Trust this to be the time that Hunter actually picked someone half decent for her to have a date with.

“Must have been,” she manages, before a coughing fit takes her breath away.

Fitz’s concerned frown only deepens. “Come on, I’ll drive you home.”

Jemma resists. “You could be an axe-murderer.”

He looks mildly amused. His eyes are like the colour of the sky, she notes. She wishes she could bottle the colour. She would make a fortune. “I promise you I’m not.”

“That is exactly what an axe-murderer would say.”

“Letting you drive home by yourself would save me the trouble of murdering you,” he remarks, gently taking her shoulders, leaving her free to resist again if she wants to. God, she wishes her head didn’t feel like the inside of a washing machine on turbo.

“Oh alright,” she relents, partly because she truly doesn’t think he’s an axe-murderer, and partly because she already feels like death anyway. “But I’m phoning Hunter to let him know what’s going on.”

“Yeah, ‘cause he’s just the type you want in an emergency.” But he pulls out his phone and brings up Hunter. “Here, have at it. You wait here and I’ll go and bring the car round.”

She didn’t even realise they’d made it outside the restaurant. It’s dark and the brightness on Fitz’s phone only intensifies her headache. She presses call.

It lasts around a minute and a half, the first thirty seconds of which were Hunter laughing uproariously at the thought of Fitz being any kind of murderer, never mind of the axe variety because his aim is appalling. Then he tells her to feel better, that he’ll pop in on her tomorrow, and to try not throw up in Fitz’s car because it wouldn’t make a good ending for their date, to which Jemma would have rolled her eyes if she could have without almost falling over. Fitz has to take her home because she can’t see straight and not for any of the fun reasons – nothing in this date qualifies as good.

“Hunter know that you’re alright?”

She’s busy staring at Fitz’s phone screen. His screensaver is of him and an older woman, with the same sky-blue eye and soft smile. “Is this your mum?”

He doesn’t snatch the phone back, but his hand reaches out in a flash, before he gently takes the phone from her unresisting fingers.

“You look like her,” Jemma says, feeling like she may have crossed a line with a man she doesn’t know.

Fitz stuffs the phone back in his pocket, taking her elbow and helping her stand up. Stand up? She hadn’t even realised she was sitting down.

“Yeah, it’s my mum.” He leads her to where his car is waiting, all warm and inviting. “Most people say I look like my dad.”

“Oh.” She leans back in the soft leather seats, closing her eyes. “Is that a bad thing?”

“It’s just a thing.” His voice is different, strained, but he’s trying and he’s been so nice so she tries too and says no more about it. Fitz shuts her door so gently that she wouldn’t even know it had the draught not disappeared.

“Your address?” His voice has changed direction, the driver’s seat now. She would open her eyes to have a look but the spinning world makes her feel sick and she really doesn’t want to be sick in his car. It’s nothing fancy but it’s ever so clean inside, and he has an air-freshener hung up on the rear-view mirror that smells like clean cotton. It’s warm, soft, and rather what she imagines the inside of a tumble dryer is like, complete with the spinning and all.

She warbles her address, hearing him tapping it into the SatNav. She feels the car start to move and the constant movement could send her to sleep but as lovely as Fitz has been, falling asleep might be too far. With the wave of nausea having passed, she opens her eyes. The car is awfully low down than it looked from the outside, and it’s uncomfortably too long before she realises that it’s just because she’s slumped down in her seat, probably showcasing several chins while she’s as it.

“I’m sorry, Fitz,” she sighs, sitting up and leaning against the cool window instead.

He glances quickly over. “Don’t be.”

“I feel horrible.” Both physically and mentally but she figures there’s no need to say it. “I hate feeling like I’ve wasted your time.”

“You didn’t,” he laughs, watching the road. “Trust me, I didn’t have anything better to do.”

“Hunter tells me that you’re an engineer.”

“I am. But that’s kind of all I do.” She watches him, and he wonders if he can feel her puffy eyes on his face. He still doesn’t look at her. “I don’t have many hobbies.”

“You don’t?”

“I have boring things, I suppose. I like to read, like to design. I can cook, but the only people that eat it are me or the dog.”

“And are you looking for something more?”

She doesn’t know what posses her to ask it while she’s semi-conscious in his car, when there’s a very good chance that the answer won’t matter to her either way. He intrigues her, this man who seems like someone Hunter wouldn’t know. Maybe it’s the cold she’s dying of currently, or maybe it’s something else, but strangely she doesn’t want this car journey to end.

“Yeah.” One hand scrubs down his face. “I guess. I dunno. Something more could be nice.”

Something more. Had he come here tonight hoping that she could be that something more? Perhaps it’s better than it’s ending now. Something tells her it would be unbearable to disappoint him.

It’s a lot of thinking for her muddled brain and she steers the conversation back to shallow waters. “What’s your dog called?”

Fitz laughs. “He’s called Ben. He’s a spaniel.”

“I like spaniels,” she murmurs.

“Then you’d like Ben. He’s adorable.”

What if this didn’t have to be the end of it? While it hasn’t been the most promising of beginnings, maybe this doesn’t have to be the end? Her and Fitz could be friends, couldn’t they? He could make her dinner and she could meet his dog. These fever dreams float through her head and she does nothing to discourage them.

“What are you smiling about?”

She opens her eyes. They’ve stopped at a traffic light and Fitz’s face glows red. He must think she’s a right idiot.

“Nothing,” she says quickly. “I’m just, uh, you know, thinking about things. A cold does that to you, sometimes. Makes you think about strange things.”

“Ah.” The light turns green and his attention goes back to the road. “Can’t say I’ve ever experienced it.”

“I’m not usually like this, you know,” she bursts out, eager to make him understand. “I’m coming across as a lot stranger than I am.”

“I don’t know about that.” There’s a twinkle in his eye. “Hunter said you were pretty strange.”

“Did he?” Oh that absolute ba- She takes a deep breath. “Well, he can talk, can’t he? I once saw him put tuna on pizza. He has no right to be calling someone strange when he’s doing that.”

Fitz’s face screws up in apparent disgust. “Aw, did he? That’s disgusting. You’re right. He’s the weirdo.”

They’re silent for a minute, Fitz concentrating on the roundabout ahead. When they’re safely over, he tells her, “I don’t think you’re strange.”

She blinks at him. “You don’t?”

“No. I mean I don’t know you very well, but I don’t think you’re strange based on tonight. You’re not well. I don’t judge you for it.”

“What a relief,” she says and finds that, actually, it is somewhat a relief. “I think you’re very nice.”

“Really?” The surprise in his voice surprises her. “Why?”

“You’re taking me home when I almost threw up all over your dinner and you don’t even seem to mind that much. That’s nice, Fitz.”

He shrugs. “Just seems decent.”

She laughs incredulously. “Seriously?”

“Nah, not quite. But I mean any decent person would offer.”

“In case it’s escaped your notice, there aren’t many decent people out there.”

“It hasn’t.” His voice shifts, becomes the way it was earlier. “That’s why I like dogs.”

She nods. “That’s why I like science.”

“You’re a scientist?”

She narrows her eyes at him. “Did we not cover this earlier?”

“No, we didn’t get that far,” he says and she wonders how out of it she was. Sitting here, in this warm car, her head feels a bit clearer.

“Oh.” Her cheeks burn. “I’m sorry. Yes. Pharmacology and drug discovery and things.”

“Sounds fascinating.”

It sounds like he genuinely finds it to be so and her heart feels warm. “Yes, it is. It’s complex but also simple in a way. You don’t have to gauge human emotions and try to play to people’s sensibilities. Reaction pathways and feedback loops are what they are and do what they do, no matter what people think of it.”

“That’s why I like engineering.” He’s indicating to turn right and is watching the road intently, giving her an opportunity to study his face once again. It’s amazing how expressive it is. She doesn’t think she could tire of watching it. “Forces and bearings and equations are all the same, really. It works or it doesn’t.”

“Yes,” she says, smiling. They’re about two streets away from her flat now and she wishes they had more time. “Exactly that.”

They pull up outside her door and, as much as when she first arrived in the restaurant she wanted nothing more than her bed, now she finds she doesn’t want to get out of the car. Her stomach drops like a lead balloon, and it’s not the sign of imminent vomiting, but something else, something more.

She goes to open her door but Fitz is out and round and opening it for her before she even has her seatbelt undone. He holds out his arm.

“Need a hand?”

“Yes,” she smiles even though she feels a little bit sad. “Please.”

Gingerly she gets out of the car, the change in height making her feel unsteady on her feet again and she’s thankful for Fitz by her side. It takes them a while,  but eventually they manage to make it to the second floor, and under her instruction he fishes the keys from her handbag and unlocks the door before helping her to the sofa.

“Are you alright?” He asks once she’s sat down.

“Um…” her reply is shaky. Stars float around her field of vision and the berry scented diffuser that she so loved when she bought it yesterday amplifies her nausea by tenfold.

“Where’s your kitchen?” Fitz asks, already looing around. “I’ll get you some water.”

Thank goodness I cleaned is what she thinks while gesturing vaguely in the direction of it. Not that her kitchen is ever unclean but all the same… the last thing she’d want is someone judging her for dust.

It seems like he’s only gone a second and then he returns with a glass of water that she accepts gratefully. “Thank you,” she breathes. “That’s much better.”

Fitz has been rather confident all night, or sure of himself at least. Now he shuffles awkwardly from side to side and she braces herself for what’s to come.

“I’m uh… I’ll let you get some rest now.”

She nods. “Okay. Thank you. Sorry for ruining your night.”

He rolls his eyes but smiles. “You didn’t ruin my night, Jemma. I promise you that.”

She doesn’t entirely believe him but she’ll accept it for now. She leans back against the sofa, letting her head sink into the cushions. “It was really lovely to meet you, Fitz. Thank you for being so kind.”

He ducks his head but she sees a slight simple. “It was no bother.” She goes to get up but he waves her away. “I’ll see myself out.”

Her head swims and so she’s just able to nod, telling herself that the sinking feeling is due to illness as she hears his footsteps recede across the laminate floor. Then, just as he’s almost out the door, she bolts up.

“Fitz! Wait!” She stood up too fast and when her vision clears Fitz is standing half out the door, confusion on his face.

“What is it?”

“The money. I forgot to pay for my half of dinner. Two minutes and I’ll get my purse.”

“It’s fine.” He waves away her offer once more. “You can pay for the next one.” And with a cheeky grin on his face, he’s gone.

She sits down on the couch, a similar sort of grin on her own face. The next one. Perhaps he wasn’t totally put off by her phlegm. There’s so much she’d like to over-analyse and dissect but there’s only enough energy in her to half-crawl to her bedroom and into a pair of pyjamas, and to text Hunter that she got home alive, before she falls asleep.

-x-

In the morning, with her mouth feeling like cotton wool and her head ridiculously heavy, she sees she has an expected reply.

Kept the best til last – thought you’d appreciate him more that way. I expect to be Maid of Honour.

And one of the unexpected variety.

Ben says he hopes you’re feeling better this morning, and also asks if you’d like to go to the park sometime? Fitz might be there too

She smiles softly, feeling herself glow, and hugs the phone to her chest before rolling over and falling back to sleep.

[kellykadesperate]

grey hearts

Andy coming back was a whirlwind in and of itself, it was emotional and happy and yet at the same time, things were different.

He had to deal with the fact that his own son didn’t really connect with him, that his daughter was now an adult and although loved him, didn’t need him. 

So yeah, it makes sense that he’s gravitating towards Seb. Maybe it’s his way of putting things right, stepping up and becoming a dad to a teenager considering Jack doesn’t really see him that way anymore.

It all makes perfect sense but at the same time, Robert doesn’t like it. 

He has Ella on his lap, he’s combing through her hair and it’s just gone nine when Andy finally comes back with Seb. They’ve been fishing, Seb doesn’t even like fishing. 

Robert knows that, because he knows his son thanks very much.

“Had a good time then?” Aaron says, he’s lounging about on the sofa and he looks up when he sees him. 

“You stink off fish.” Jacob finally takes out his headphones for the first time all night and then turns his phone sidewards again to carry on playing his car game or whatever. 

Seb flops a hand through his hair and then pulls a face. “Yeah well, that could be because we caught a massive fish so I don’t care.” 

Robert twitches just slightly at that because he didn’t think he’d enjoy himself and he should be happy that he did but he can’t help but feel a little pushed out. 

“You did?” The headphone is yanked out again and Jacob genuinely looks impressed which is saying something. He’s all Aaron basically, full on sark and everything. “Woah.” His eyes light up a little.

“Should take ya next time.” Andy says, his voice is a lot deeper nowadays, he’s got a full on thick black beard and all these stories that the kids love. He’s been on this epic journey all over the world and it’s clear that Jacob absolutely idolises him, Seb’s getting there too. 

Robert stops plaiting Ella’s hair and she slides off his lap as he stands. “Or you could take Jack too? Sure he’d love to.”

Andy’s eyes flicker just slightly and Aaron casts him the smallest of looks before Annie shouts for them from upstairs and the tension in the room is broken down.

Robert instantly feels bad about it, especially when Andy makes his excuses and leaves. He feels bad because he’s had all the little chats with him in the pub about everything, he knows that all that time away has ruined Andy in a way he can’t possibly imagine.

He’s missed out on the world hasn’t he? He’s missed it all and sometimes he thinks Andy must see Sarah when he plays with Ella. 

Aaron sees it too, he doesn’t mind in the slightest though. He thinks it’s going to do him good, so the look Aaron gives him when they climb into bed that night is definitely something.

“Don’t give me that.” Robert says, he still has toothpaste round his mouth and he rubs at it a little as Aaron rolls his eyes and strips down to his pants. 

“He’s being nice.” Aaron says, punches a little at his pillow so it deflates and he rests his head against it before biting his lip. “He’s being their uncle, thought you’d be pleased he was back.” He can’t help but notice that there’s something brewing, he wants to stop it before the tide comes in and everything explodes.

Robert rolls his eyes. “Of course I am.”

That’s not in question, well it shouldn’t be anyway. “It’s just ...”

“Just what eh?” Aaron’s soft around him, he scoots closer and it’s clear he wants to get the truth out of him. He bends his chin down onto Robert’s shoulder and waits.

Robert knows he sounds stupid, he sounds fucking ridiculous. “Feel like a stupid kid again.” He says, dips his head slightly. “Being ... him and Seb really get on don’t they?”

Aaron frowns slightly. “It doesn’t matter.” 

It doesn’t, it doesn’t mean anything. 

Robert stops short, he picks up his book from the side of the bed and shrugs. “I know.” He forces out a smile and Aaron deadpans him. “Seriously.”

“I’m not an idiot.” Aaron says, he gazes down at his wedding ring just because and it makes Robert blush. “I know you.”

“So you should know that I’ve got a chapter left of this and I want to get it done by tonight.” Robert says and Aaron doesn’t push anything, he just huffs and slides under Robert’s arm. 

“Read me to sleep?” 

It settles something in Robert’s chest and he’ll never admit to it. He just reads and reads until he stops feeling like a twat over his brother. 

—

Annie’s got a ballet class they’re going to and Robert’s already beaten himself up enough about not being able to sew her a tutu. Aaron’s sick of hearing about it.

“Would you just take a breath?” Aaron sticks Robert’s dinner under his nose and then sighs. “My mum’s already sorting it.”

Robert closes his eyes around it and then clasps at Aaron’s hand tightly, enough to make Aaron look all seriously at him and start stroking a hand over his knuckles. 

“Hey.” He whispers. “You okay?” 

“I should be doing it. I’m her dad. All I do is sit here and work.” Robert says, he sighs a little and Aaron smiles. 

“Well so should I then.”

“Yeah but you’re useless.” Robert says easily and Aaron takes his hand away playfully. 

“Charming.” He says, the light still in his eyes. “You think she’s going to care?” He knows that Robert is constantly worried about what the kids think of him, it seems to have gotten worse and he doesn’t know how to make it go away. 

Robert goes to speak when the door goes and Andy’s standing there with a tutu in his hand. It’s lilac and looks like it has butterflies sewn into it. 

“What’s that?”

Andy stares down at it and then smiles. “Didn’t I tell you I learnt how to sew when I was away?” It’s becoming like a thing, he has a new story every time he shows his face and God Robert loves him and he’s missed him but he can’t help but feel the way he feels. 

Aaron joins them by the door and it’s like he knows before Andy says anything else.

“I ran into Chas losing her mind over sewing this for Annie, thought I’d help.”

Aaron looks awkward as ever. “Oh. Cheers.” He takes it and then raises an eyebrow. “It’s really mint.” He says and then he gulps as he elbows Robert.

Robert raises his head. “Uh yeah, it’s great. Cheers. We’ll be sure to —“

Only Annie’s running down the stairs and old lost uncle Andy saves the day doesn’t he? She hugs the life out of him and Robert smiles faintly.

“Learn it in Hungary or something?” Robert says, crosses his arms over and then gulps as Andy nods along. 

“Some girl taught me how to knit a scarf and after a while I was alright at it.” Andy shrugs.

“More than alright.” Annie says, and she looks beautiful, she’s already stuck it on over her light pink bodysuit. It gets Aaron a little emotional when he looks over at her and runs a hand through her blonde locks. “Thanks so much.”

Aaron rubs at his eyes like a twat before getting his car keys. “Right let’s go then.” He says before turning towards Robert. “You still okay to come in an hour to actually watch her right?”

“I could take her to the rehearsals, I’m going into town anyway.” Andy pipes up and Robert’s jaw tightens.

Aaron licks his lips for a second and Annie’s already getting her coat and telling Andy she’ll tell him where it is. Andy throws them both a smile and when he’s out the door, Robert stalks towards the fridge and gets out a beer.

“Robert.” Aaron says cautiously, he wants to get inside his head and calm him down a little. 

“It can’t just be me.” Robert reasons, waves a hand out. “Surely you see it too.”

Aaron’s mouth is open for a second long and then he gulps. “I see him trying to make up for lost time.” He says. “Maybe he’s taking over a bit but ...”

“A bit? He’ll be yanking Ella from us tomorrow.” He knows he’s being ridiculous but he doesn’t know how to stop it. “They’ll all be thinking he’s the bees knees when really he —“

“Shot you?” Aaron leans forward and treads carefully on that mind field of a situation. “Is that it?” 

Robert’s eyes flicker a little. “No.” He says awkwardly. “We’ve got over that.”

“But you’re — you’re clearly jealous.” He just says it and maybe he shouldn’t but the way Robert reacts gives him enough to go on. “Robert I just —“

Robert sips at his beer and slouches down. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’m happy he’s back, I am.”

Aaron leans closer and Robert breathes him in, finds comfort in the way he squeezes down on his neck gently. “But ... there’s a but isn’t there?” He waits. 

“Jacob thinks the world of him, Seb now too. Then Annie and — they’re doing all this stuff with him and I’m not.” Robert rolls his eyes. “They’ll prefer him soon and it’ll be history repeating itself.”

He can hear himself, he sounds like such an idiot and Aaron just frowns at him before sitting down next to him and holding at his dad.

“You’re their dad.”

“I know.” Robert whispers, head tilted until Aaron raises it slowly. “Andy’s their long lost uncle with a bunch of stories to tell them, he’s new. Doesn’t make you second best.”

“Not like before then.” Aaron feels his heart almost collapse for his husband and it’s been a good old while since he’s seen him this insecure. 

“Not like that at all.” He knows he’s referring to when they were kids and all that shit they went through. “Okay?” He whispers, and Robert wraps his arms around Aaron, holds him tightly.

—

Seb’s old enough to understand the friction and he doesn’t think twice about asking Aaron a few questions when he’s doing the washing up.

“What’s dad’s deal with Andy?” Seb’s got a skateboard under his arm because apparently him and Isaac think they’re hard and his snapback might as well be sidewards.

Aaron just freezes a little and shakes his head. “He hasn’t got any deal with him, just hasn’t seen him for over ten years. Things change don’t they.”

Seb nods a little. “But he knew about you and dad right?” 

Aaron nods slowly and then thinks back to how Andy found out, that how ugly mess shouldn’t be bought up right about now. Not ever really. 

“Yeah course.” Aaron says before smiling. “Didn’t know about any of you lot though. It’s why he’s trying to make it up I suppose.”

Seb bites at his nail and then frowns. “And that’s good right?”

Aaron finishes up and wipes his hands over his jeans the way Robert hates. “Of course.” He sees that he looks unconvinced and sighs. “Don’t worry about your dad, he’s fine.” 

Seb nods a little slowly and Aaron knocks his hat off just to make him smile.

—

Things get to a point of no return at a really quick rate. Vic’s still away with her own kids and Robert’s thankful she isn’t around for him to snap.

They argue. They get into it over stupid things but they all seem to centre around Andy strolling back into their lives and taking over.

“I’m making it up with everyone considering the way I left.” Andy explains, it doesn’t help that Seb’s in the room, that doesn’t help at all but he doesn’t see anyone but Andy as he speaks. 

“Yeah well who’s fault is that.” Robert snaps and Andy brings up Chrissie, brings up fucking Rebecca for absolutely no reason. 

“Like you haven’t made mistakes. If we’re on about who’s to blame for things, try looking at your son and you’ll get a frank reminder of —“

Aaron nearly fly kicks him out the bloody door. He’s all hands and arms and he grabs at Andy until he’s near the staircase and far away from the kitchen. It gives Robert the chance to breathe for a second and all he can hear is Aaron shouting the odds.

“Don’t you dare talk about our son like that.”

Their son, who’s frozen against the counter and who suddenly slips away upstairs without saying a single word. He’s never seen them fight before, he’s not had to see Robert like that before. 

“Look what you’ve done now.” Robert says as he turns and sees that Andy’s still in his house. “How fucking dare you.”

Andy looks towards the side, his face is red and he looks embarrassed. “I shouldn’t have ...” he shakes his head again. “But you’ve made your mistakes too Robert. That’s all I’m saying. You’ve tried putting them right too haven’t you? That’s all I’m doing.”

“You’re weighing in.” Robert says bluntly, perhaps too bluntly. “They’re my kids.”

“What’s the big deal?” Andy scoffs and Aaron finally lets go of his arm and watches them. “You scared they’ll love me more?” Robert’s eyes naturally betray him don’t they? They flicker for too long and Andy scoffs even louder than he did before until Aaron tells him it isn’t something to laugh about. “Robert, are you serious?”

Robert bites down on his lip. “You just need to back off a little.” He decides to say. 

“I’m just being there for them. I know ... well I don’t see Seb with his mum. Is Rebecca not around anymore?” 

It’s complicated in ways that he won’t understand and Robert wanted to tell him everything in his own time, not now.

“Do you not let her see him?” He’s asking too many questions and Robert doesn’t want to answer them. Only he has to.

“Of course I do. I know what it’s like to not have a mum anymore don’t I?”

“Robert...” Aaron warns, because it’s always going to come back to this single fact of their lives, the thread that makes all the sense in the world when you plot their conflict. 

“Because you took that. I won’t be taking his mum from him.” Robert says defiantly and it’s enough to make Andy’s head drop a little. He waves out a hand and it’s clear that something is stuck in his throat as he goes to speak.

“You’re never going to get that it was a mistake, you think I really meant to kill her?”

Robert folds into himself. “No.” He says eventually, he can feel Aaron come closer towards him and a hand hover against his back. “I shouldn’t have ...”

“Deep down you know ... I —“ Andy struggles, he shakes his head and then sighs. “Jack doesn’t see me as his dad anymore, and Sarah ... she doesn’t need me. I was just trying to ...”

Aaron gulps hard. “We know.” He says, he looks up towards Robert and the older man nods his head a fraction.

“It was more me than ... than you.” Robert tries to explain the workings of his head and Andy looks towards the door and says he should be going. He’s taking Jack out fishing after all. “Have a good time.” He says, means it.

“You know all that, I’m sorry.” Andy says heavily. “You bite, I bite back right? Even though I didn’t know why we were arguing.” 

They’re older now, it’s different now, Robert feels a tide shift in him as he nods out his agreement with a smile.

“You’re a great dad. They’re lucky to have you.” Andy clearly is embarrassed by his own kind words because he dips his head against it and Robert’s heart thuds. 

“Jack will think the same soon. That he’s lucky to have you back.” Robert says, and Andy smiles faintly.

“Yeah maybe.” He says, and then he’s out the door and Robert feels something ease as Aaron holds him for a while. 

—

A few days pass before anything else kicks off. They’re in the cafe and Ella’s using all her big girl words to bang on about Marlon and her making cakes all afternoon. 

Her being a chef when she’s older is still a thing. It doesn’t help that Vic keeps buying her little chef hats as well, she’s got her heart set on it and it’s great but she also keeps thinking she’s big enough to use the oven.

She isn’t.

Seb’s got his feet up on the cafe sofas and Robert throws him a look until they’re slumped off. He’s been moody all morning, well for a few days now and Robert would ask him what’s wrong but he’s got so much going on that he’s trusting he’ll come to him if it’s important.

“Ella, eat up, we’ve got to get Seb to school.”

She rolls her eyes, her thick curly locks escaping the neat headband Robert’s put on for her. She huffs just like she’s Aaron and then Andy comes in and she jumps up on him.

Robert doesn’t feel any real animosity anymore. He probably will always have his own issues with his brother but they’re not going to get in the way anymore. 

“You look stressed.” Robert says as Andy hangs back Ella and shakes his head.

“Some nutter’s thrown a brick through my window.” Andy says.

Robert’s eyes window. “What your car? Why would ...”

Andy sighs. “I don’t know, I remember Aaron doing it once when he was a kid, is he around?”

He’s clearly joking and Robert sort of wants to hear the whole story but Seb suddenly starts talking.

“Don’t blame my dad.” He says quickly. 

“He’s joking.”

“Yeah well it wasn’t him.” He leans up on the chair, he’s all long legs and freckles but now he looks so angry and Robert doesn’t understand. “It was me.”

Andy just turns towards him. “You?”

Robert’s eyes flicker. “Why would you do that? Are you mad?” Seb’s kind, hates any injustice and yet here he is smashing car windows. 

“I heard what he said dad.” Seb says, and it’s worse, because he has justifiable reasons in his head it seems. He can’t even look at him.

Andy wades in. “About you being a mistake? Mate I shouldn’t have —“

“No about you killing my dad’s mum mate.” Seb snaps, he’s so fucking angry and thankfully Ella’s taken to running around the place so she doesn’t hear a thing. Robert feels frozen against his words, he can feel Andy cower suddenly and all he can tell him it to get home right now. “But —“

“Home. Now.” Robert says, he looks up at his brother with wide eyes. “Take — can you have Ella. I need to speak to him.”

Andy just nods wordlessly and Robert follows Seb out the door, watches him march back to the Mill whilst he gets his phone out and calls Aaron.

—

Aaron comes from the scrapyard ten minutes later, parks the massive van in the driveway and walks in on Robert standing with his back against the wall and Seb with his head down sitting on the sofa. 

“Who raised you to do something like that?” Aaron says, it’s the first thing he can think of and Seb just raises his head and frowns at him.

“He was on about you doing the same when you were my age.” Seb says easily, shrugs a little as he talks like it’s not a big deal.

Aaron just comes further towards him and shakes his head. “Don’t try and spin this around on me.” He says, his voice tight with anger and yet it disappears as Seb looks up at him with wide eyes. “What were you thinking?” 

Seb gulps hard and looks back at Robert. “Doing him a favour.” He says. “Andy killed ...”

“You need to stop saying that.” Robert finally speaks, he gets off from the wall and circles around until he’s sitting in front of Seb. “You don’t know anything.”

“What ‘cause I’m just a stupid kid?”

“I didn’t say that.” Robert says heavily and then he looks towards Aaron. His eyes are filled with desperation and Aaron steadies his breathing.

“This is really hard for him. It’s his mum you’re talking about.”

Seb frowns. “Yeah, she’s got something to do with me too you know?” He shudders. “Only I didn’t get to know any of that.” He bites his lip and recalls a story about her going too soon. It’s all they ever told him. He sort of understands why now. 

Robert feels himself getting emotional and he tries to control himself. “You think it’s something I want to relive? Talk about all the time?” He feels Aaron’s hand against his knee. “It was a terrible .... but it was an accident.” He blurts out.

“Didn’t you hear Andy say that?” Aaron tilts his head and tries to remember them arguing. “He didn’t mean to do it.”

Seb’s face pales a little and he shudders. “I looked it up. He didn’t admit to it did he? Not until later. He got grandad to take the blame.”

Robert hates all of this, he doesn’t understand how he’s supposed to deal with any of it. “You have no idea. You have ... no idea Seb. You had no right to do that to his car. Do you understand?”

Seb just gets up though, scowls just like Aaron does and then his chin wobbles and Aaron can only see Robert in him. “You should hate him.”

“He was younger than Jacob.” Robert says quietly. “Can you imagine that?” He whispers, and Seb looks away. “I wouldn’t want you to.” He bites his lip and Seb hangs by the wall and has tears in his eyes.

No one says anything for a few seconds before Robert speaks again.

“And for the record, I did hate him. It destroyed us, over and over again and ... everything comes back to that. She died and everything changed.” Robert says, eyes hooded as he looks over at his son who looks so sorry. “But I know, I know he never meant to hurt her and I know that he has to live with that every single day of his life Seb. He doesn’t need reminding by having a brick thrown through his window or whatever you did.”

“S’what I did.” Aaron pokes in, a small smile on his face and Robert wipes at his eyes, tries to smile. “He had my dog.”

“Clyde?” Seb says, and Aaron nods a little before Seb bites his lip and looks at Robert. “Dad I’m ... I’m sorry.” He whispers. He sounds it, he looks it, and Robert just nods his head until Seb’s in his arms and he’s squeezing him hard. 

“Is that why you didn’t want him around?” Seb asks once Robert’s let go of him. “Because of what he did.”

Robert rolls his eyes. “Me and him have had ... issues forever mate. Other stuff.” He waves a hand out, and then cups Seb’s face. “But you don’t need to worry about any of that, I don’t want you hating him over this.”

Maybe once upon a time he would have wanted that, but Andy’s family and anyway, Vic’s going to lose her mind when she sees him in the flesh again isn’t she? He smiles when he thinks about it. He really smiles. 

“I don’t.” Seb shrugs. “I just wish ... she was still around.” He admits, he hardly talks about grandparents, he has Chas, he has Diane, he even has Doug bobbing about. But he wished he had her too, because she seemed so amazing. 

Robert wipes at his eyes again and Aaron has to do the same. “She would have loved you so much.” He reassures him and he doesn’t know what else to say, he’s overwhelmed by the fact that he thinks about that possibility all the time. 

“And me.” Aaron says and Seb smiles. “She would have loved me too, for putting up with him. Isn’t that right?” Aaron elbows Robert and recalls a conversation they had a few years ago about her. Robert baring all and Aaron listening tenderly. It makes Robert squeeze at his hand. 

The door goes and Seb goes to get it, sees Andy standing there cautiously. He says he doesn’t want any trouble and Seb reassures him that he won’t be giving him any.

“He’ll pay for it.” Aaron says. “Won’t you?”

“He doesn’t have to.” Andy says quickly. “I didn’t ... I don’t know what to say.” He says.

Seb twists his lip awkwardly. “Yeah well I do. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that and I know I was daft.”

“You weren’t daft. You were trying to protect your dad if anything.” Andy blows out a breath and looks towards Aaron and Robert. “I want to really draw that line now, completely forget everything. Everything.” 

Robert’s eyes flicker and he can’t help but nod. “So do I.” He whispers slowly. “Start from now yeah?”

“Yeah.” Andy says, he goes to leave and then turns around again. “Jack’s up for a fishing trip by the way.” He smiles. “But he wants his cousins there too.” He looks at Seb. “If you’re up for it again?”

Seb frowns. “You’d want me to?”

Andy comes closer to him and nods. “And Jacob. If he’s allowed.” He looks towards Aaron and Robert who nod. “Great then. I’ll uh — I’ve got Ella in the car so I’ll bring her in. She wanted to see the cows and everything but —“

“Show her then.” Robert shrugs. “Bring her back muddy though and I won’t be pleased.” 

Andy’s eyes flicker and then Robert stands, walks him towards the front of the Mill and feels light. He feels like something between them has shifted. He has a hand against his side and then it wraps around Andy’s frame for a second and he sees that his older brother has actually got tears in his eyes.

“God, those years away didn’t make you a tough guy then.”

Andy scoffs. “The beard’s supposed to make everyone believe I am.” He tilts his head and then heads back towards the car.

He waves at Ella in the car and watches them drive away before Seb comes out and stands next to him. They don’t say anything for a second or two before Aaron joins them and then Seb looks at Robert sincerely.

“Can we go see her? In the cemetery.” Seb asks, he looks nervous and Robert bends his down and tousles at his hair.

“Get your shoes on.” He says and yeah he’s a big growing lad but he’s sensitive, he’s shy and he can be so much like Robert was at that age sometimes that it’s scary. He goes quickly, Aaron presses a kiss to Robert’s hair and then his mouth and Seb pushes them apart as he runs through him.

“We going or not?” Seb asks and Robert nods, watches him walk in front as he reaches for Aaron’s hand and starts walking behind him.

[tenpin-boleyn]

I procrastinated and this mess happened

It’s horrificly bad but it’s inspired by this doodle I did when I was, you guessed it, procrastinating :))

So enjoy this pile of Millie’s cat sick :)

“I’m glad I found Chocolate Milk now because if I found it before I wouldn’t be able to drink it.” Anne stated, her face the perfect picture of nonchalance. “Why? Are you lactose intolerant?” You replied back, blissfully unaware of the past Anne hid. “I was beheaded? Duh” she laughed.

You had known Anne for over a year now, but not once has she mentioned being beheaded in a past life. You had seen Anne in Six obviously but you’d just assumed that was a character she had taken on. Like that time you played the Virgin Mary at age 4, probably not the best decision eh Mrs Keeping but there we go.

Anne suddenly looked as white as a ghost. She had forgotten that you didn’t know. For what it was worth Anne was a great actor. Onstage she was competition to a gremlin, but to a select few she was Anne. Just Anne. Anne with no tragic backstory. Just a girl who liked milkshakes. “I’m so sorry Anne. I didn’t know” you said lovingly, placing a hand onto Anne’s. It was a small gesture but it made you feel better that you could bring a bit of colour back to her rosy cheeks again. “Shall we go to yours? I want to show you something that will open your eyes forever.” Anne nodded to this, happy that you hadn’t dragged out the topic anymore.

You had hoped Anne wouldn’t already know what you were about to show her. It might be common knowledge to most but she had a tickling feeling that Anne wasn’t part of that percentage. You took her hand and ran down the street, passing the Queens house, which made Anne raise an eyebrow. Jane liked everyone home by 9, and it was already half 7, so she couldn’t go on a wild adventure to oxford on a random bus. “Look Y/N-“

“Tah dah.” You stopped and raised your hands at the sign above you.

“Tesco? You brought me to Tesco?”

You smiled at the green minx, “ah my child this isn’t any normal trip to Tesco. This is a life changing trip”

You managed to pry Anne away from the chocolate bars- you had a feeling that the sugar from the milkshakes was already getting to her head- and led her down the dairy isle. While Anne was distracted with a carton of purple milk you grabbed the carton you were searching for. “What do you think goes into purple milk? Cow blood mixed with a taste of WKD? ANNE MILLICENT BOLEYN DONT YOU DARE THINK ABOUT TOUCHING MY ALCOHOL CABINET. Well now I don’t have to” She laughed.

“Anne what I have in my hands will change your entire life.”

You presented her with a carton of chocolate milk and you smiled to yourself as you watched her eyes widen and start to twinkle.

“You. Can. Buy. Chocolate. Milk?”

When you finally went back to the Queens place, you couldn’t help but worry. You had literally bought Tesco out of Chocolate milk. You knew Jane was a strict mum so perhaps introducing Anne, loud, insane Anne, to a new sugary invention wasn’t the best idea. Especially when you are carrying 27 cartons. 26, Anne just drank one. “Shall we take these up to my room?” Anne was obviously thinking about not having to share, rather than what Jane would think. “You do realise you need to keep milk in the fridge right?”

“But I thought- cause its chocolate-“

She looked downtrodden. “Do you want to sleep round? It’s getting late anyway and I just changed my sheets after months so it’s not a biohazard anymore!” You giggled to yourself, Anne truly was special. “I’d love to. Will the others mind?”

“No they love you!” And with that Anne unlocked the door.

“I’m telling you they’re dating!”

“No, id have read about it by now.”

“Huh?”

“Am I the only one who reads her dia- hello. Welcome to the very normal and casual conversation we are definitely having.” Cleves exclaimed from where she was sat, having realised that both girls were standing in the hallway.

“I’ve missed you guys! How have you been?”

“Great, I’ve finished my book on why men are absolutely pointless and serve no use on this planet!”

“And I made cookies for the first time! Who would have known that chocolate cookies aren’t just overcooked cookies?”

Anna noticed the bags we were carrying. “Do you two care to explain why we now own a farms worth of chocolate milk?”

“To cure my lacking toes intolerance”

“To help feed children in Africa!”

You both panicked. Anne, because she didn’t want to share, and you, because you didn’t want to get Anne into trouble for spending an absurd amount on flavoured milk. “Put them Into the garage fridge before Jane sees them! Lord knows what she’ll do with 40 cartons of confiscated milk.”

You glanced at Anne and giggled, you had noticed that her eyes were just a bit more bluer today, a trait you learnt meant that she was happy, and a darker blue meant she was going through a rough patch. “Before Jane sees what?” A blonde figure asked.

Before either of you could panic out another excuse, Cleves piped up again. “ I was just asking the girls to take my deliveries upstairs into my fridge” Anne winked at you both “because my back hurts awfully”

Jane smiled sympathetically at Cleves, unaware of the truth she was hiding. “Alright hurry up you two, and it’s lovely to see you Y/N!”

“You too Mrs Seymour!”

“Call me Jane.” You smiled. Although you called her Jane to Anne, it was only because that’s what Anne used, Jane had never formally told you to call her Jane, so you didn’t think it was proper. It felt nice to know that someone liked you, even a tiny bit.

“I’m telling you it’s not going to fit.” You declared as Anne tried to stuff 25 cartons of milk into the tiny mini fridge Anna had in her room. Yes Anne had drank another carton and was nearly bouncing off the walls. To your surprise 23 of the cartons fit inside of the fridge. “Looks like we’ll have to drink these then” Anne smiled mischievously.

The pair of you had been sat in Anne’s bed for about half an hour, just enjoying each other’s company whilst sipping the chocolate milk when you couldn’t stop yourself. “Why didn’t you tell me you got beheaded?” You had to admit, Anne’s slip up earlier stung. Didn’t she trust you with that information? But she trusted a room full of strangers?

Anne couldn’t look you in the eye, she was quite engaged by the edible glitter she had poured into her milk. You didn’t think she heard you so you started to ask her again.

“Why didn-“

“I’m sorry. I’m really fucking sorry. It’s just, I’m so happy when I’m around you, and I don’t want to waste a second of it talking about my last life- it was hell, yes, but I’m over it. I’d rather talk about scrunchies than kerplunkies” and with that she motioned a quick beheading with her fingers and tongue.

To be fair, you hadn’t expected that reply. You hadn’t expected a decent reply end of. You’d put it down to the fact that Anne was coming down from a 22 hour long sugar rush and was too tired to think about what she was saying. “I- I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you. I’m sorry that you feel that you need to keep things from me just to have a good time. I mean we could do 95% fun and 5% family trauma because god knows I’ve got tons. But I like hanging out with you to Boleyn.”

Neither of you knew what to say next. Not much had been said but it was enough to build a bridge that wasn’t previously there. Out of nowhere Anne gets a text from Kitty. It contained an emoji and a word. Typical kitty. “💋 her”

Anne was shocked, 1. Where was Katherine and how did she spot the silence and sexual tension, and 2. How the fuck did she know that she was gay. Sure the queens were open and accepting of being gay, but it wasn’t something that Anne spoke about. But despite all of the racing questions, Anne plucked up the balls she stole from Henry and leant in and cupped Y/N’s face. You were shocked at this movement. How did a discussion about beheadings lead to this? But you weren’t complaining. You had realised you loved Anne the day she fell off of her bike. She had never rode a bike before so you had been teaching her, at first she seemed promising, but she fell over and scraped her knee, causing a war amount of blood to pour. To your amazement, she started crying and asking for Millie. You panicked, who was Millie?? You thought it could be a pet name for one of the queens but you couldn’t be sure which. So you ran inside to fetch Kitty. “Who’s Millie??”

Without even speaking Kat ran upstairs and returned holding a ragged old dog teddy. Just the thought of Anne being so vulnerable, clutching the years old toy made your heart wrench- more than when your favourite TV show got cancelled and definitely more than when Ben and Jerry’s decided to stop selling Cookie Dough at the cinema.

You leant in to annes hands, and placed your lips upon hers in a frenzy of sparks and fireworks. You had dreamt of this moment, but you could never have imagined it would come true. Just the thought made you smile, making Anne laugh whilst kissing you. You suddenly pull away, realising that you hadn’t been honestly with Anne either. “ I was murdered. By my father.”

“Where the actual fuck did that come from”

From outside the door the pair heard giggles and a muffled shout of “language Anne!”

Of course the other queens would be spying on the pair of you. You weren’t blind,or deaf. You’d heard the comments kitty and Cleves make when they think you can’t hear, and you’ve seen the silent arguments between kitty and Jane.

It did feel nice to have people who cared. Even if they were looking out for Anne. They felt like family. It felt like home.

“ANNE MILLICENT BOLEYN I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU TOUCH MY BIBLE EVER AGAIN-“ Catherine of Aragon burst into the room, past the other queens listening intently outside the door and you suddenly realised that you were still locked in an embrace with Anne. You quickly pulled away before whispering

“That impression was spot on.”

[mentalcurls]

5. Cosa ti eccita?

Episode 5, we’re almost halfway throught the season! This time I talk about that thing Martino says, mother-daughter relationships and my journey to empathizing with Edoardo Incanti (for now) as well as the results of the Bechdel test for this episode, of course!

this episode start so nicely: Martino talking shit about each and every one of Eva’s friends

he manages to be racist, sizeist, a slut shamer, classist and sexist and misogynist all in one sentence with this lovely bunch of derogatory definitions; plus he’s an asshole in general and unsupportive of Eva

Elia is right there with him laughing at all that, probably Peccio is too, Gio maybe cracked a smile, but don’t think for a second that anything but Eva’s face and the thought of the conversation they need to have held him back (I’d like to take this opportunity to remind y’all Gio in this remake isn’t as interested in politics as Jonas is in the og)

this is , from what I read online (I only watched S1 months after it aired), one of those scenes that made people angry and I can see why. It wouldn’t have been enough for me to stop watching, but I get why some people did. I do agree that a scene like that shouldn’t not bother you. I am angry that things like the ones Marti says are accepted without comment, that nobody taught him better, that none of the characters have been taught better, much less better enough for any of them to shut Marti up and confront him about the shit he just said; Eva knows it’s wrong, but she doesn’t even try to explain why to him, because she doesn’t have the words to and she feels like it’s be pointless. Eleonora might have been able to confront him and shut him up with one of her vitriolic answers, but it would have been met most likely with “Oh, burn” comments by the other guys. It’s what it’s like in Italy and I don’t think a show that has professes to be as realistic as possible should be attacked for portraying the realistic comments dumb, ignorant boys make or for not forcing a scene when one of the characters is suddenly knowledgeable and eloquent enough to confront all the issues in Marti’s statement. This are 16 years old. I’m Italian and I was “woke”-ish at 16, kept up with politics even, but I don’t think I’d have been able to to it. What Skam Italia did, in my opinion, to counteract Martino’s words in this scene, is show us that his definitions are false, narrow-minded and based on prejudice by giving us an in into these girls lives. No-one can watch Skam and believe Marti’s words. Unfortunately, in a realistic show set in Italy, that’s all we can ask for.

this is also one of the first times we hear Marti discuss girls with the guys and it projects me straight to ep.1 of S2, when we have the “buste di piscio” comment. For all we love our baby deer Martino Rametta like it’s our collective firstborn and we would die for him, he’s a misogynistic fucker sometimes; thankfully by the end of S2 he’s grown up quite a bit (and I hope and pray that the combo of Filippo, Sana and Niccolò will make him grow even more by the next time we see him).

on a lighter note, IL PECCIO IS IN THIS SCENE, IN THE FLESH!

“Tell me what’s the problem” “I don’t have a problem” “Eh, me neither” YEAH guys, that’s why you’re so warm and affectionate

Giovanni, you hypocrite. You complained you don’t want to be one of those couples that are attached to the hip and you acted like Eva was always bothering you, so you told her to make friends; now she has friends, she’s stopped always catering to you and only you, and you’re gonna act mad? You wanted your cake, honey, now eat it!

so is that “You can stay, the guys are gonna go in a bit” thing Gio trying to build a bridge or him beginning the prep for the lie about wanting to go to dinner with Eva’s parents and then bailing on them to get back at her? On one hand, I don’t want to believe my dear Giovanni Garau would do that, on the other this particular set of circumstances with Eva brings out some of his worst traits

ok, I understand Eva and Eleonora want to know why Sana got mad and threw her drink at Laura to empathize with her properly, since they also are not her biggest fans, but their being really oblivious to Sana’s loud “stop bothering me!” signals

“I had to run away like an idiot thanks to you” actually, Silvia, he left you there like an idiot, while he went to be “the big bad man of the house who will solve all the problems” (btw was the house even his? wasn’t it Chicco Rodi’s party, why was it at Edoardo’s place?)

anyways, the reason Silvia is so mad is because what Sana did is so far from the prim and proper, low-maintenance girl Silvia is trying to be, in Edoardo’s eyes especially, and she’s terrified he’s gonna lump her in with her friend, who’s already difficult enough on her own because she insists on being different

aaaaand Silvia goes for the racist insult; at least this time the other girls tell her to calm down and Ele seems pretty ready to give her a piece of her mind, though she stops at the last minute cause she seems to think that while Silvia is this mad she’s a lost cause

SILVIA ACTUALLY GOT A TEXT instead of sending one, Sana would almost be proud

YAS SKAM ITALIA GIVING INFORMATION ABOUT CONTRACEPTIVES

I mean, sex ed is not bad about sexual health and contraceptives here but it’s always good to show “actual” kids being careful

of course, they’re only half careful, given that they’re thinking of unwanted pregnancies, while ignoring the very real risk of venereal diseases, given that they’re talking about unprotected sex with a boy who’s notoriously promiscuous

still, I want to stress how this is a conversation between girls only; the “burden” of thinking about contraception always falls on girls’ shoulders: Silvia doesn’t think for a minute Edoardo might bring and not mind using a condom and just knows she’s the one who needs to be worrying about contraception; Eva took the pill and is now using the ring so we know she’s the one who’s been taking care of contraception in her relationship with Gio, too. It takes two to tango ladies, so why the fuck do we excuse male half of the couple from this part of sex??

honestly, it’s midday so Eva should get out of bed, but that piece of crostata isn’t the kind of thing I’d wake up for

oh, what a beautiful mother-daughter relationship! I’m kidding, but also not. It’s obvious Eva’s mum is not at home much, but she makes an effort to be there as much as she can: she keeps up with her grades, she badgers Eva so she’ll study and when she has some free time even offer to revise together, she brings her breakfast in bed, she’s there to listen when Eva confides in her. She probably feels bad she’s not up to date with Eva’s personal life and guilty that she’s not there for her daughter as much as she wants to be. And Eva screams at her like a proper teenager, but then she does a beautiful thing and actually apologizes, saying the words “I’m sorry”, and despite still lying she tells her mom a bit about herself (sure, there’s external pressure for her to do so in the form of Gio and of her new friends who want to come by her place, but still), she opens up, she communicates, which is really good cause she seems to have good parents, who for example don’t freak out at the mention of a boyfriend but ask her first and foremost if she’s happy

and Eva, what’s the point of saying “Yes, I’m happy” and looking anything but? You be thankful your mom takes it for embarrassment, cause you were not convincing

aaaand Gio hasn’t gotten any lately because of the fight so he’s horny, cute

Gio meets Eleonora! And it’s absolutely uneventful, but then again, it would be: even considering Marti’s classification, she’s not the weirdest and she’s the least interesting out of the girl squad to Gio, cause he’s already getting some, so he doesn’t care that she doesn’t put out

what is interesting is Gio’s worried face when the free clinic gets mentioned: dude, if maybe you were more involved in contraception and collaterals in your own relationship, then maybe your first reaction wouldn’t be worry

the “Prima volta?” lady cracks me up (also, in case anybody doesn’t know, she’s the same person that asks Marti if Nico’s bottle of antidote is a bomb in S2 ep. 7 and - I’ve read somewhere - the stylist of the series)

when Silvia huffed and looked put out at the mention of the clinic on the bus, I was unsure whether it was a fear thing or a “tsk, plebeians” thing, but it appears she’s genuinely scared: girl, why? I get being embarrassed, uncomfortable, but she’s more nervous than if she was taking the maturità exams

Silvia is not mad at anybody, much less Sana, because good, low-maintenance girls don’t get angry, don’t cause commotions, they’re graceful and compassionate and forgiving and nuisances simply don’t exist for them

the doctor is actually so helpful! in the og she was 99% comic relief, 1% actually helpful, but this doctor is nice and warm and encouraging

Silvia’s terrified/disgusted face when presented with a dildo, that’s not a girl who looks ready to have sex

at least Fede seems puzzled but interested

Silvia just seems so dumb in this scene: she doesn’t speak for herself, she is absolutely floored when faced with a sex toy and a condom, she seems to think that taking the pill for to days actually works as contraception, she doesn’t think of asking Eva to use her home to meet up with Edoardo before telling him yes... tbh she almost looks like she’s a bit drunk

still, she just knows how to manipulate people to get her way. She even brings the doctor on her side.

“Do you think it’ll hurt?” considering how unsure and worried you are, YES

Eleonora changing topics as soon as her sex life is brought into question 😏 but also, her lost face when Eva says sex shouldn’t hurt except maybe a bit at the beginning

THANK YOU ELEONORA SAVA FOR SAYING THE IMPORTANT THINGS THAT NEED TO BE SAID

the disgusted face Silvia makes at the word “turned on”???

ok, how good is it to see girls in media talking about sex and about their fantasies without any shaming whatsoever? (The comparison between getting turned on by clothes and animals played for comedy is a bit unfortunate, but imo it doesn’t ruin the positive, accepting mood of the scene)

*Regina George voice* Silvia, stop trying to make jello happen!

ok, so, my secondhand embarrassment levels are always through the roof during this scene

look how taken aback Eva’s mom looks when she sees Edoardo! He definitely looks nothing like the third year boy she pictured when she imagined Eva’s boyfriend, I mean, she was thinking more along the lines of Laura’s boyfriend, that nice boy Giovanni she’d met that one time…

oh, but poor Edoardo too, he’s planning for a one night stand and suddenly he has to deal with parents?? This was not the plan. Does this annoying, kind of pretty girl who wants to sleep with him think he’s her boyfriend or something? What a nightmare. Oh, wait, she’s not even here, is she toying with him in a misguided attempt at playing hard to get? Wait, she wanted him to go to dinner with her parents? Is this some kind of prank? Did he get the wrong house? WTF

AND THE DAD ARRIVES OH GOD when fathers get involved the situation usually escalates, you can feel Edoardo going “Nope. Nope. Think, Edo. Get out of this NOW.”

ok, the redhead he vaguely remembers from the party, great, now can she explain him what’s going on? No, she’s telling him he needs to leave and slamming the door in his face. (Also, first appearance of the boss Eva we see at Silvia’s 80s party in S2, hello gorgeous!)

and Silvia is hiding on the stairs. Which is cute and not at all “sfigate allucinanti”-like (see ep.3). Just like telling a guy to come over but not at your actual place isn’t. It’s fine having to ask your friend to borrow her place, having to sneak in, having sex in a house you don’t know and where you need to be careful not leave signs of your presence, on the bed where your friend sleeps, with her photos on the wall, her knick-knacks on the shelves, her clothes in the closet. It’s totally cool. Even when the guy you’re having sex with is polite and gets there a few minutes early, so he accidentally meets your friend’s parents and nearly panics and definitely learns this is not your place, you know, that’s stuff that happens and it’s absolutely cool. He just calls you crazy.

so really, I never thought I’d see the day, but I empathize with Edoardo Incanti and I understand him ghosting Silvia (not the whole “Who are you again?” conversation, just the ghosting) because she’s clearly in too deep, he’s know that since her first string of texts, and she’s doing borderline creepy things like borrowing her friend’s house to have sex in? And Edoardo is not interested in a girlfriend, much less a stalker, so he just goes for the path of least resistance and disappears, hoping she’ll get over it soo. (Except of course she doesn’t and she confronts him, so really, what’s the best way not to give her any stupid hope? Being cruel. And that’s what he does.)

back to Eva, Gio cancels and Eva TURNS HIS OWN “Non ho parole “ BACK ON HIM how wild

side note, I honestly really really would have wanted to see Paola’s reaction when, at some point, Eva tells her she was dating Giovanni; I just can’t decide what she’d think

Bechdel test: the episode passes the test. We have Eva and Ele pestering Sana about the fight at the party, then the two of the and Silvia discussing the pill, the conversation about Sana’s father’s patient’s restaurant outside the gyno’s office at the clinic and finally there’s a good 75% of the conversation in Eva’s bedroom, between Silvia, Ele, Fede and Eva herself, that actually passes the test. There’s just a couple of mentions of Edoardo in the middle.

This post is part of my complete series of meta about Skam Italia season 1.  If you’d like to read more of my thoughts about the other episodes, you can find the mastepost linked in the top bar on my blog under SKAMIT: EVA. Cheers!

[fightmejai]

wildlife, wildnight

where: cara’s work place

when: saturday 21st july

triggers: mild NSFW

@wildlifecara

Jai: It might not have been the best of ideas, but what really did Jai have to lose? Cara seemed like a cool kinda chick and he was getting bored without his daughter in the house. Not sure if he should take the dog or not, he eventually decided to leave him at home. He followed the address he had been given and wandered up the small patch on the look out for the gorgeous younger woman, "Uh..." he began, getting a little confused as to where he was going, "Cara?"

Cara: Cara worked at the wildlife sanctuary and she was always there after hours when no one else was. She handled a lot of things there, so it was never a problem. The girl was used to doing crazy and spontaneous things, so this was nothing new to her. Although, the Australian Male had an air of something exciting about him. She started making her way to the back gate and heard her name being called. Sliding the large gate open, she waved him in. "You actually showed up," he stated laughing as she closed the gate behind them.

Jai: When she spoke, Jai raised a brow and wondered if he was actually supposed to have shown up or not. Was he not supposed to have shown up? He cleared his throat a little and made his way past the gate when invited in, "I didn't want to be branded a tease," he replied with a small shrug, "I can leave if you're happier with that..."

Cara: "No, no. I'm quite glad you did show up I'm just not used to people being quite as reckless as I am," the British girl grinned. "You certainly are not a tease. I'm sorry that I implied it. Come on then," she said, taking his hand and pulling him further into the park. "Is there anything you'd like to see?"

Jai: Jai was always one for an adventure, it was probably how he'd ended up with a daughter in the end, but that was another conversation for another time. He chuckled when she mentioned him being as reckless as her, "It's my wreckless weekend," he joked, following along with her as he was tugged along, "We'll ignore the comment of teasing from both of us, yeah?" he asked before adding, "So... what brought you here? Your accent is almost as obvious as mine."

Cara: "Wreckess weekend. I like it. I've got to start calling it that," she said, walking along some of the trees and animals. Most were asleep at this hour, but some of the nocturnal were out. "Heard Stonecastle had sexy Australian men,: she joked with a grin. "Eh, tragic family story. Moved her to be with the animals," she shrugged. "How about you? What's your story?"

Jai: "At least once a month I get myself a reckless weekend and it's pretty fun. I'll be sure to hit you up in the beginning of it next time." He hadn't ever actually been to that side of the town before so he didn't even realise the wildlife area was there, "Tragic family story?" he asked, though he smirked at the comment of sexy Australian men, "Sounds intense... but the animals help, I hope?" When asked about his story, Jai was truthful as he explained, "Trained for fighting in Australia, knocked a chick up. Got a break in the US, Is' mum died and she and I moved to California. This was a pretty decent place when I stopped off on a roadtrip, thought we'd relocate."

Cara: "Oh, you better. I'll be very disappointed if you don't," she grinned. "Yeah, mum was into drugs. In and out of rehab. A few overdoses. Pretty much raised myself. My best friend Kendall moved here with her sisters and it sounded pretty nice so I decided to go for a change of scenery " she shrugged before listening to his story. "I'm sorry to hear about that. Her death. Is is your little girl then? At least you got her out of it, yeah?" she asked.

Jai: "You'll be on speed dial under 'Nature Woman'," he chuckled softly, his brows raising softly at the revelation about her mother, "Fuck Mate... that's intense... Sorry to hear that -- but I'd be without an adventurer if it wasn't for all that, right?" he was trying to make light of it so nothing was awkward between them. He nodded, "Isabelle," he provided, "Yeah... we weren't together when her mum died. I didn't really know she had had a baby until she died and someone knocked at my door talking about custody."

Cara: Cara shrugged. "It is what it is. I don't let it define me," she said, looking at him with a smile when he mentioned he would be without an adventurer. "Wow. Surprise, here's a baby! That's gotta be something to wake up to," she shook her head and lead him to a little building. Opening the door there was a little room with a bed, a fridge, and a computer desk. She had an apartment, but this is where she spent most nights. It was convenient. "So trained in Australia," she sat on the bed, cross legged. "I bet I can take you," she said, putting her arm up in an arm wrestling position.

Jai: "That's something not a lot of people actually achieve these days," he pointed out, an air of pride in his tone. He chuckled a little at the comment about the surprise baby, "Yeah, it was a bit intense... but she's just so me at this point I can't imagine not having her in my life. If Tez hadn't died... I don't think I'd ever have met my own kid, y'know?" He watched her move into a surprise room that looked more like an apartment, "Is this a people zoo? Are you about to lock me away and study me or something?"

Cara: "That's sweet. You must be a good dad," she commented. She couldn't imagine keeping a baby from someone. At least give them the chance to be in the child's life. Of course Cara would know if she gave birth to a child, but it was weird to think about not knowing you had a child out there. "Everything happens for a reason right? At least that's what they tell me," she commented. A laugh escaped her at his worries. She realized how this may look. "Firstly, not a zoo. Wildlife conservation. The people have free reign. I mean the animals," she teased. "No, it's just easier to stay here cause I'm here so much. Now are you gonna wrestle me or what??"

Jai: "She's more like my mum, but y'know, we make it work." He grinned a little over at her, winking for good measure. He agreed when she said everything happened for a reason and laughed when she added the last part, "I actually believe that," he told her nonchalantly, "What happens is meant to happen." Jai grinned over at her and made his way to sit next to her, "Aah, a people conservation. My bad." He sighed loudly as he say down properly and faced her, holding his arm out, "Alrighty, let's go. What's the prize?"

Cara: "Well someone has to keep you in line then, huh? She must be a tough girl," Cara grinned. "What would she say if she knew you were playing with strangers, tsk tsk," she grinned and turned to face him as he sat down. "Dont worry. We feed our people three meals a day if you do some tricks," she mused. Wrapping her smaller hand in his large one, she pursed her lips thinking. "Winner gets... whatever they want," she shrugged.

Jai: "Y'see, none of this would have happened if I had her. She'd be yelling at me that I was being a 'silly bum' or 'butter butt' -- that's one of her favourites." It felt weird talking so openly about his daughter with a practical stranger, but it was easy to talk to someone as open as Cara seemed to be, "Three meals?! Fuck yes, sign me up!" He gripped her arm and wondered if he was supposed to let her win or if this was a real competition, "Fine, fine... winner gets whatever. C'mon now, let's go."

Cara: "Butter butt? That's incredible. I need to start calling my sister that. I think I'd quite light this Isabelle. You should bring her by during opening hours sometime. She can hold a tiger cub," Cara said, chuckling. "Alright. Don't you go easy on me now," she said. "3...2....1....go!" She said, pushing his hand though it didnt seem to be going anywhere. "No!" she laughed, using her other hand as well to try and make it budge.

Jai: "You'll have to credit her or she'll copyright strike you," Jai said seriously before breaking and grinning. He kept his hand still once she counted down, not pushing, but making sure she didn't just toss his hand down the moment they began the 'fight'. When she added her second hand, Jai groaned dramatically and let her win, his hand falling down with him gasping in 'pain', "Fuck... well shit, you're a little pocket rocket, aren't you?"

Cara: "Oh boy. I dont think i can handle another copyright lawsuit," she joked in return. Cara used all the strength she could muster and eventually his arm went down. She knew he let her win but she was still gonna take the glory. "YES!!!!,"she exclaimed, throwing her arms up in victory. "Now I get one wish," she tapped her cheek as though she was thinking. "I've got it then," she said, leaning forward on her knees and putting her hand against the scruff of his face. She pressed her lips against his, her back arching forward into him.

Jai: Another barked laugh escaped Jai when she joked back with him, his mood improving now he had someone to actually talk to who wasn't his dog. Her celebration was cute and Jai watched her 'gloat' as she cheered herself. He clapped her gently and nodded, waiting to see what it was he could do to grant her wish. What he wasn't expecting was for her to be as bold as to kiss him, but after a moment of surprise, his felt himself press back against her, his large hand covering her lower back as he deepened the kiss slightly.

Cara: Cara leaned into him, pressing her whole body against his as she felt his larger hand press into her back. The girl pressed him down onto the bed and moved onto him. Her hand traveled from his face down to his chest and she began to smirk against his lips. "Ha!" she said, sitting on him and breaking the kiss. "Told you I'd sit on you"

Jai: He certainly wasn't going to complain when it seemed like Cara was taking exactly what she wanted considering it had been a decent while since he'd had a gorgeous woman push him down onto a bed. He gently tugged her bottom lip between his teeth before she broke the kiss. He looked up at her, a little confused for a moment before nodding, "Uh... I did tell you you could..."

Cara: "Hmm, you're right. Well, I guess you followed through. I would say were both excellent at keeping our word then," she grinned down at him. She studied his face for a moment, her finger circling one of his curls. There were signs of old scars and she wondered if it was from his days of training. "You know," she said, leaning down and kissing him again. "I'm not an easy girl," he kissed him once more.

Jai: "If anything, we're truthful you and me." He watched her carefully, not sure if this whole thing was a joke to her or not. Normally he'd whack someone's hand away when they were toying with his hair, but it felt nice as he laid there with her on top of him, "I wouldn't dream of suggesting that," he assured her between kisses, making sure not to move his hands along her body unless expressly asked to. He wasn't about to get himself into trouble with a gorgeous woman like her.

Cara.: "Truthful. I like that word. Truthfully, why did you come here tonight?" she asked him, cocking her head to the side and looking at him with curious eyes. A small grin spread to her lips at his reply. "I kind of just like watching you sweat a little bit," she teased him. Cara swept her hair to the side and pulled her shirt up over her head, laying back down on him, connecting their lips again.

Jai: She'd asked for truth, he'd give her the truth, "I spent the day talking to my dog. I don't have many friends and I thought the company of a gorgeous woman would do me good. Regardless of the making you." A beat passed and he asked, "Why'd you ask me. Truthfully." he watched her take off her shirt and was definitely into the sight of her with less clothing on, but he tried to keep his cool, "You should see me fight," he hummed against her mouth, hand pressed into her back still.

Cara.: "Truthfully, I've been talking to wild animals all day. I don't have many friends here and the friends that I do have are all busy working all the time. You were very sexy and you made me laugh, which... is a pretty good combo in my book. Loneliness is a hell of a drug," she bit down on her bottom lip. Pulling back a little bit to look at him, she raised an eyebrow. "What exactly is it that you fight?"

Jai: "So you invited another one over?" he asked with a small tease, though he was in agreement with her comments about loneliness. It felt nice to be called sexy again though, in person and not just on some social media post of his, "I'm in Mixed Martial Arts... like cage fighting, y'know?"

Cara.: "Yeah, I invited like five people, but you were the only one to answer my call," she teased, obviously joking. "No, like I said, I'm not easy. I mean... I'm kind of easy, but in a way that I'm okay with my sexuality. Huge supporter of free the nipple. Boobs are great, you know," she said, cupping her own chest. "But I don't just sleep with any handsome stranger either. I'm quite picky about my handsome strangers," she laughed. "There's something that I find quite enticing about you," Cara added. "Cage fighting? Damn it, you just had to go and say something sexier," she said, throwing her arms up in defeat. "What's your winning streak?"

Jai: "I meant animals," he laughed gently, "It wasn't another easy comment." Jai nodded as if agreeing with her about her sexuality and boobs. He was definitely into boobs, that was for sure. When they began to actually chat, Jai sat up a little and held her hips so he could wriggle them back together until his back was against her headboard, "Why do people think fighting is sexy?" he asked, shaking his head, "My last stint was one loss, five wins. I lost because I fell back into a pole and got a concussion."

Cara.: "Right. I totally knew that. Do I seem defensive?" she teased. Cara braced herself when he began to wiggle himself up, holding onto his shoulders and curving his legs to wrap around his torso the best they could. "I don't know. I guess it just means... you're not afraid to get dirty. I don't know. It's not one of those things you can explain into words. Kind of like how...jealousy is kind of sexy? When you think about it it's not a great feeling, but the concept of it is sexy. Maybe like a protection thing," she shrugged. "Wow, tough guy. Is your head okay?"

Jai: "A little," he grinned in return, making sure the both of them were comfortable once he'd settled back against her headboard, "You don't have to be defensive here. I'm not one to judge. You wanna fuck nine people in a day? You've got great stamina, that's all I'll ever say." He listened when she explained what she meant and gently nodded, "Yeah, okay... that kinda makes sense." He'd never heard of the 'protection' thing, but it did make sense. People liked being safe, after all. He felt himself smirking as he replied, "No one's ever complained about my head before. So I think it's better than okay."

Cara.: "In that case.... I am feeling slightly less dressed than you and I think we should even the playing field a little bit," she said, tugging at his shirt upward. She chuckled at the stamina comment and shook her head. She was certainly in good company. Cara smiled at the other and let out a small sigh. He was quite charming wasn't he. "So do you like fighting then?"

Jai: Jai lifted up a little and let her tug his shirt up and off if she saw fit, "As you wish," he laughed gently, resting back against the bedframe one his shirt was off and out of the way, "I love fighting," he nodded, "It's a great way of keeping fit, getting aggression out and earning money without a real job. Do you like working with Wildlife?"

Cara.: When the other finally pulled his shirt off, she rested his hands against his pecs and bit her bottom lip. "Well... you definitely have the body to prove it," she commented, patting his chest. When he asked if she enjoyed wildlife. "I love it. It's my absolute favourite thing. Don't get me started talking about it because there's a good chance that I will never stop," she admitted. "Besides. You have a topless girl on your lap. Do you really want to talk about jobs?"

Jai: He has a fake few scars on his chest along with tattooes and hoped neither was a bother for her, “Thanks,” He grinned bashfully, his hands gently tracing circles in her hips, “I wouldn’t mind that,” he shrugged easily, happy to hear whatever she wanted to talk about. He laughed gently before smirking and replying, “Well, I’d could listen to you talk all day while MY month is busy.” To emphasise his point, Jai lent forward to press his lips to her jaw, kissing down her neck ever so slowly.

Cara: Cara traced her finger along some of the scars on his chest. None of it bothered her. She had tattoos of her own everywhere, including one of a lion on the finger she was using to trace the scars on his chest. The feeling of his hands circling on her hips sent a delicious chill up her spine. "Mmmfh,"she moaned softly as he kissed down her neck. "Thinking with your mouth bust doesn't seem in the cards, " she said.

Jai: Jai felt himself smirking against her skin as her reply came. The way she was reacting to his touch was definitely a good sign. He nipped softly at her skin when she moaned and took a long breath through his nose to fully appreciate the smell of her softened skin, "Try it," he challenged her, words muffled against her body, "Try talking while I keep myself preoccupied... when did you first get interested in wildlife?" Jai continued to move his lips against her skin in hopes she’d relax and tell him a little more about herself while he kept himself busy.

[namelesspops]

Bubble of Bliss

This is the second part of Meet Me in the Hallway series. I finally got it quite right after struggling for DAYS even though I’m still obsessing about details and whatnot but if I indulged myself I wouldn’t be able to finish it ever.

Special thanks for my lovelies @sweetcreatured (some parts are ray’s fault, they know what they did), @harryslittlekiwis, @hs-1dfan, @hcrrystvles, @mizpahes, @ducksongmp3, and @kasiwrites. Without you guys I’d still be obsessing over it and driving myself nuts. Also, some warning: I managed to insert my otp here lol sorry about that.

Oh, Part 1 is here.

As usual, feedback and comments are so welcome!

Please enjoy.

A Beautiful Mess — Jason Mraz

“Hey, what a beautiful mess this is

It’s like picking up trash in dresses

Well, it kind of hurts when the kind of words you say

Kind of turn themselves into blades…”

Knock, knock.

Harry looked up from his book. It was 9 p.m. on a Saturday night, Harry was hip deep in Holden Caulfield’s little adventure. He got up, wondering who it was. He never had guests in Brooklyn, and his mum and sister knew better than to fly in unannounced. What if he was staying in Max’s place? He was there 85% of the time.

Flora Sterling was at the door.

“Hi,” she giggled. “I was just about to call you, make sure you’re home.”

“Flora?” Harry’s heart soared, but he firmly held onto it. Don’t embarrass yourself, he scolded himself mentally. “What are you doing here?”

“You said I could come around some time,” she said between giggles. “Or did I just imagine that?”

“You’re drunk,” Harry realised, concerned. “Does anyone know you’re here?”

“Nooooo, that’s the point,” she whined. “I’m just a liiiiiitle bit tipsy. Can I come in?”

“Yes, yes of course,” Harry opened the door a little wider, then closing it behind.

Harry examined her face. Her pupils were blown out, making her bright eyes a little darker than usual. They were bloodshot too, like she had just been crying. She might have. She stumbled her way to his loft, eyes darting around to check if anyone was in.

“You’re alone. Good,” she gulped loudly. Flora rubbed her hands together.

“I was at a party and things were happening, I just wanted to get out of there and go home but home isn’t really home and my dad..,” she swallowed. So cold,” she continued to babble. “It’s so cold every day here, no wonder Stella left.” She laughed at her own words.

“How did you get here?” he spoke carefully.

“Arthur, of course. He dropped me off on near that bar, I found my way around. Lucky, eh?” she giggled. “Fired Chris yesterday. He’s not going to give me any hassle, and my mum’s away. Dad’s not gonna care.”

“Who’s Chris?” he asked, confused. “Bodyguard,” she rolled her eyes. “More like baby sitter.”

She stumbled around, trying to get to Harry’s couch—and failed. She crashed on to the floor with a soft thud. Harry rushed to her side, but she pushed him away. “No. Don’t touch me, not yet,” she held up a hand to prevent him from holding her. “I think I’m gonna be sick.”

“Don’t…” Harry tried to speak, but she cut him off. “Bathroom.”

“This way,” ignoring Flora’s protests, Harry gathered her in, helping her stand. He held her hair while she puked her guts out, occasionally pressing his lips to the top of her head. She was crying, trembling, Harry could feel it. He had one hand holding up her hair, and the other was rubbing her arm.

It took thirty minutes before he could finally settle her on his couch.

He wrapped a blanket around her. She kept shaking—Harry kept rubbing her arms to keep her warm. She looked like hell, Harry thought. Absolutely like hell. Her hair was flinging around everywhere, not meticulously styled like the last time he saw her. Smudged mascara, pale cheeks, and tired eyes. Empty eyes.

What happened to you? Who hurt you? There were so many questions Harry wanted to ask her. So many things Harry wanted to say to her. It’s okay, I’m here, you’re safe. Except he didn’t. He kept his mouth shut, afraid he overstepped whatever boundaries they had. Afraid she’d push him away and build a wall between them.

Harry didn’t want a wall between them.

It’s not my place to ask, he convinced himself. She’ll tell me what’s going on in her life if she wants to. And now it seems like she doesn’t. So he let it go. He let her fill the silence between them with only soft whimpers, trying to steady her breathing.

“Do you have any water? I’m thirsty,” she finally spoke weakly.

Harry nodded, silently stalking off to fetch her some water.

“Thanks,” she smiled. She finished it in few gulps, then wiping her mouth with the back of her hand. She seemed to remember where she was and why she came here at the first place, because she suddenly launched into a series of apologies. “Harry, I’m so sorry. I don’t know why I’m here,” she rambled. “I just didn’t know where to go, and I thought of you. I should’ve called first. I’m sorry.”

“How?” Harry asked quietly. “You don’t even have my number.”

“I do have your number. Called my phone when you gave it to me,” she explained guiltily. ”My friend Suze had it apparently. There was only one missed call, so I figured it had to be you.”

Harry didn’t know what to say.

“I’m sorry. I’ll… I’ll just go,” she got up and practically ran—not without stumbling a bit—to the door. Harry caught her just before she yanked the door open.

“Hey,” he said softly. “I don’t mind you coming here, I told you. I was just caught off guard. You’ve got to let me have more than three seconds to react before running..,” he grinned at her mischievously. “So impatient.”

She blew out a breath. “I’m sorry.”

“Stop it.”

She smiled back, looking up at him. Harry moved in to kiss her forehead, but she caught his cheek, holding him in place.

“Sorry,” he pulled back, embarrassed.

“It’s not that,” she said softly. She pulled him in, touching her lips to the corner of his mouth. Taking her cue, Harry moved his lips to meet hers. She let out a small sigh, surrendering to the kiss. Her hand dropped from his cheek, finding its way to his chest. Harry could feel his heart beating oh, so, so hard, he’s almost worried he might burst at any point. He held her closer, as close as humanly possible, so that there was no space left between them. He cherished it, every single brush of her lips on his, the small sound she made when she let him in, the feel of her touch.

He felt dizzy, intoxicated.

She felt absolutely the same.

“Hi,” she said softly when they pulled apart.

He grinned. “Hi.”

Come On Mess Me Up — Cub Sports

“But I want this, you know I want this

So come on mess me up

And you can break me, if you’ll still take me

Ruin me if you’ll let me be

One of the ones you say you won’t forget…”

“Your sketches are good, you know,” Flora said without looking up. She was completely immersed in Harry’s sketch book, flipping the pages carefully, as to not rip them. She had been examining every detail, every stroke of lead in full concentration for hours now.

She had been a constant guest in Harry’s loft for some time. Harry barely lived in Max’s place anymore, he even had to go to his classes an hour earlier than usual. He didn’t mind. Sometimes Flora stayed the night, snuggled up in his bed, touching her cold feet to his calves. They’d giggle, Harry would bump his nose to hers, and she would press a light kiss to his lips. They’d kiss and kiss and kiss until they fall asleep. Together.

Sometimes she turned up at ungodly hour completely pissed off her face, slurring her words and giggling. Harry would wrap her up in a blanket, hold her hair when she vomited all over his bathroom floor. He would make her a cup of tea while she’s sniffling, no doubt crying silently. He would stroke her head and not ask questions, and then they would kiss and kiss and kiss until they fall asleep.

Either way, they’d wake up together and kiss some more.

It had become a habit, a routine. She had become that cup of coffee Harry had every morning, the whiskey he sipped while he was studying.

He liked it. He liked the feeling of having someone in his real life, someone tangible, someone he could touch. He’d always liked having someone around, be it his sister, or him. It had been a while since him.

“Like this sketch of this man? This is really good, Harry. You’re really talented.”

“It’s alright,” Harry shrugged it off. “He’s my bartender, Mick. I told you about him. Think he fancies me,” he said with a wink.

Flora laughed. “Shut up. You think everyone fancies you.”

“Nah, Max’s neighbour doesn’t. I stepped on his dog’s tail once and he still hates my guts. He might sic PETA on me,” he put on a fake concerned face.

Flora giggled. “You absolutely deserve it, poor dog. Seriously though,” she trailed a finger on the paper, tracing the lines. “I love them all.”

Harry leaned in. “Which one’s your favourite?” he asked.

“This one,” she flipped few pages to show a picture of Gemma and their mum. “I’d call this ‘Sisterhood’.”

“Sisterhood? They’re not sisters, you know it’s my mum and my sister. You’ve seen the pictures,” he frowned. “Did I not get it right?”

“No! I know it’s your mum and Gemma. It’s just that..,” she paused, picking her words. “It’s just… their expression. The way they look at each other. Your mum isn’t just your sister’s mother, she’s Gemma’s best friend, someone she trusts with all her deepest and most personal secrets, her right hand man. That’s not what I know as motherhood. It’s so much more,” she paused again, laughed a little. “I’m not making any sense.”

“No, I get what you mean,” Harry smiled. “Sometimes, for some people, a mother is an authority figure. So few have the luxury of calling their mum their best friend. Gemma—well, Gemma and I, I suppose—we have that kind of bond with Mum. We’re lucky.”

“Yes. Exactly,” she touched the sketch tentatively. “They’re beautiful, your mum and sister.”

“They are. I miss them every day.” Harry let out a sigh.

“London is so far away.”

“It is,” he muttered softly. “It really is…”

“Why did they move?” asked Flora. “You never said.”

“They just did. We moved here just for my grandmother, I suppose now that she’s gone there’s really nothing here for them anymore,” he paused. “A little bit like your mother.”

She stiffened. “Sorry,” Harry said quickly. “I didn’t mean to rack up old wounds.”

“There’s no wound, old or not,” she sighed. “What about your dad?”

“My dad? He lives in my grandmother’s old house. I don’t know why,” he said, a trace of sadness laced his voice. “I don’t want to pry.”

She could sense his reluctance. Another story for another day, she could practically hear him say. So she moved onto the next picture, sliding the book to Harry. “This one is really gorgeous.”

Now it was Harry’s turn to stiffen up. “You really should show it to a curator. I know some people, they’ll help you get into some galleries. Or..,” she trailed off, frowning. “What?”

He shook his head, sighing. He completely forgot it was there. He didn’t have the heart to throw it. It was a sketch Harry did of a young man sitting on the very seat Flora was sitting on. He had his back on Harry, but Flora could see a cigarette was hanging on between his fingers. She couldn’t see his face, but Harry could. Harry could see he was smiling his wicked, lopsided smile. Lighten up, Haz, Harry could hear him say, could hear the mild amusement in his voice. I want to see you smile more. Harry could see his eyes, dark and shining. They would’ve been shining even in sketch.

“Harry? Who is this?” Flora’s voice called him back to that tiny living room, to the present.

Harry cleared his throat. “Uhm. He’s Zayn.” He tried to let it lie like that, but Flora didn’t quite get the hint.

“And Zayn is..?” she inquired, not quite understanding Harry’s discomfort.

“He’s my, uh..,” Harry stammered. “He’s Zayn. My ex-boyfriend.”

“Oh.” She cast her eyes on Zayn’s picture. “Did you love him?”

“I might,” he shrugged. “He fucked off before I could find out.”

She reached his hand, squeezed it. “I’m sorry. It sucks, being left.”

“It’s fine,” he assured her. “I just didn’t expect his sketch to be there, still. It was a long time ago.”

“It’s not fine,” she said quietly. “Leaving someone’s never fine. It’s a shitty thing to do.”

Her gaze never left his face while she was speaking. Harry smiled at her, trying to ease her concern. “It’s really not a big deal, Flora. Can we drop it?”

“Okay,” she returned his smile hesitantly. There, again. Harry had this urge to kiss her in the oddest of times. She was sitting there, obviously confused and unsure, with Harry’s sketch books spread around messily on his tiny dining table. And Harry wanted to kiss her right there. Harry was right. He really did want to know her. The more he knew her, the more fascinated he was. Even though by now it was clear she wasn’t at all what Harry thought she was.

She was better.

Harry loved every second he spent with her. Pulling her closer to him, kissing her, looking right to her eyes. He loved the exhilarating feeling he got whenever she was at his door, either showing her shy smile or giggling. He loved the calm that came with her shy smile and the chaos that came from her drunken giggle.

Chaos is a colour she wears well, he smiled to himself.

He couldn’t have loved her already, could he?

No. There’s no way, he laughed at himself silently for his dramatics. Who on earth falls in love in a matter of weeks? This isn’t a movie. This isn’t a Shakespearean play. This is Harry’s life. The life that had become so much more colourful and so much less lonely since she stumbled into it. Drunkenly, of course.

He loved the feeling she brought him. Harry hadn’t really felt anything, not since Zayn. He was beginning to think he was never going to be the same again. He was living his life pretending Zayn never stepped a foot in his life. Pretending nothing broke when he watched Zayn packed his bags and left without looking back. I don’t want to see you again, Zayn, he had said. If you go now, it’s done for good. We’re done.

Zayn had showed him his lopsided smile, a smile that didn’t quite reach his sad eyes. His Harry smile, only sadder. It was a farewell souvenir, one Harry couldn’t keep, but he would always remember. Goodbye, Haz.

Flora, she helped him heal the wound he never thought he had. He might not love her, not yet anyway, but he knew he had come to care for her. Fiercely. With every stroke of her hand in his hair, every kiss he planted softly on her forehead, he grew to care. Every night he was reading whatever book he was determined to finish, while she propped her head on his shoulder, sipping some tea from his favourite mug, it grew. It grew, that warm tug on his heart, the comfortable bubble they were living in, in that tiny loft.

Harry didn’t know what this was, where this was going. He was always so sure of himself, in the past. With Zayn, he knew what he wanted. He knew what Zayn wanted. With Flora, he didn’t know. Good thing Harry’s forte was ignoring things and going along with whatever the fuck is happening. He’d figure it out, sooner or later.

For now? He’d just like to kiss her.

And so he did.

Ocean Eyes — Billie Eilish

“No fair…

You really know how to make me cry

When you give me those ocean eyes

I’m scared…

I’ve never fallen quite this high falling into your ocean eyes…”

“Harry?”

“Hmm?” he answered, his voice heavy with sleep.

“Are you happy?” Flora asked quietly against his back.

It was the chaos, that night. She had come, flat out drunk, and she had vomited all over his bathroom floor. Harry hadn’t minded, as usual. He hadn’t asked any questions either. He just put her in a clean shirt—Harry owned several vintage band t-shirts, they were too small for him but he bought them anyway. He let her change in his room, closing the door quietly behind him. A sob broke out as soon as the door made that soft click sound.

Harry had waited patiently, until the harsh sobs subsided into quiet whimpers. He hated himself for it, for having so little courage. She’s alright, it’s just drunken nonsense, he told himself. You have absolutely no right to butt in. He wished it didn’t hurt that bad to care.

“Are you happy?” she repeated.

“Yeah, I suppose?” Harry turned around to face her. “Why?”

“Are you happy with me?”

Harry mulled his answer over, before speaking tentatively. “I’m happy around you, but I don’t know if I’m with you.”

A frown formed between her eyebrows. “What do you mean?”

“Nothing,” he sighed. “Nothing.”

“I didn’t think I was happy,” she said after a beat. “I don’t know what happiness is. But I have this… feeling whenever I’m around you.”

Harry smiled, his hand reaching to tuck a lock of stray hair behind her ear.

“Is this happiness, Harry?” she continued. She could feel a blush coming, she wished he couldn’t see it. “This feeling, I’ve never felt this before. I used to think… you need help to feel a certain way. But this, whatever this is, it feels good. Better than anything.”

“Are you happy with me?” she repeated, emphasizing the last word.

“Am I with you?” he questioned quietly.

“I don’t know,” she replied. “I have spent more time with you than I did with anyone. I’m here almost every night. We kiss every night. And every time, every time you touch me, I’m warm. It’s not so cold anymore.”

Harry looked straight into her eyes. Her eyes, bright and earnest, were staring back at his. He searched for something, something to assure him that he wasn’t stepping where he didn’t belong. He found invitation, some kind of mild challenge. It’s me, I’m here, are you with me? Those bright eyes said. Am I making a fool of myself, with you?

You’re not. You’re safe, you’re warm. I’m here.

He pulled her into his arms. He remembered that thrill, the first time he had her in his arms. He bent his head slightly to kiss the top of her head, like he had done so many times on bad nights, drunken nights. She blew out a relieved breath. He hadn’t realised that she was holding it, absolutely petrified of what was happening between them.

Harry cupped Flora’s face, pressing his lips delicately to hers. She closed her eyes, smiling.

“Hey,” he called her gently. “Look at me.”

“I am…” A kiss. “Perfectly happy…” Another kiss. “Around you.” Another kiss.

“With you.” Another kiss, with a hint of smile.

“Me too.” Yet another kiss. Flora nuzzled her face to his chest, inhaling his scent. He smelled like fresh laundry and coffee, and it made her heart deliciously warm. Lids fluttering, she let out a contented sigh.

We’re here. We’re safe. Harry prayed silently that it was enough. He wished that their little bubble of bliss was enough.

“Stay with me, will you?”

“Always.”

[illuminating-dragons]

More Than A Teaspoon

Summary:  Ron has expanded his emotional range, which comes in handy when Hugo has a friend problem.

Word Count: 1,739

“Scars fade with time. And the ones that never go away, well, they build character, maturity, caution.” ― Erin McCarthy

Read it on AO3

           Ron liked to think that he’d gotten better at noticing when people were upset. Hermione had once told him he had ‘the emotional range of a teaspoon’, but he’d practiced faithfully since then, and had even helped Luna work through her feelings when Rolf proposed on the anniversary of her mother’s death.

           Hermione had been very impressed.

           He’d be the first to admit, though, that he was still not brilliant at knowing why someone was upset. So while he could tell within the first three days of holiday break that Hugo was angry (slamming his door, avoiding his mother’s questions about Hogwarts, not sending owls to any of his friends)…he wasn’t quite sure why.

           But Hermione had her hands full with Rosie that day (she was having a ‘woman crisis’ and Ron barely waited for his wife’s permission to flee the scene “until we’ve had a girl chat”), and Ron decided to help out by finding out what was wrong with Hugo. So he knocked on his son’s door.

           “Hugo? It’s Dad, can I come in?”

           The door opened a crack and a pair of blue eyes looked out. “What do you want?”

           “Just a quick chat. I noticed something was bothering you—”

           The door slammed.

           Bloody hell…Ron tapped at the door again. “Hugo?”

           “Go away! I’m fine.”

           “No you’re not.”

           “Well….you can’t help me!”

           “Why not?”

           “Because you’re not Mum!”

           That stung a bit—to be honest, it stung a lot. Ron tried very hard to be there for his kids as much as Hermione, and he loved them dearly, but there were some things that Hermione was just better at dealing with.

           “Do you want me to get your Mum, then?” Ron asked. “Only she’s very busy right now with Rosie…I just want to help, Hugo.”

           There was a pause, then the door opened, a bit more than before.

           “I s’pose you can try,” Hugo said ungraciously, letting his father into the room and slamming it behind him.

           Ron looked around his son’s bedroom, covered in posters of the Chudley Cannons (like father like son), family pictures and Hugo’s ‘best drawings’, a collection of his son’s art that ranged from his first scribbles at the age of one to recent portraits of friends and teachers at Hogwarts. Ron’s special favourite was the drawing of Professor McGonagall mid-shift from a cat.

           Hugo sat on his bed and crossed his arms, pouting. Ron sat next to him, unsure what to say next. He noticed several scrunched up pieces of parchment littering his desk and floor.

           “Are you having trouble with homework?” he asked, knowing that Hugo hated Potions nearly as much as his Uncle Harry before him.

           The eleven year old shook his head, still pouting. Ron put his arm around him.

           “Hugo, what’s wrong?”

           Hugo mumbled something.

           “Eh?”

           “I don’t want to write to Lily.”

           Ah. “Did you two have a spat?”

           “No. I’m not angry with her.”

           Now this was odd. The cousins were usually inseparable, often spending detention together (to Hermione’s dismay and Ron’s great amusement—of course Harry and Ginny’s daughter was a troublemaker.) They quarrelled sometimes, as all good friends do, but they normally made up as they were arguing.

           “Then why don’t you want to talk to her?” Ron asked. Maybe if he kept the questions simple…

           Hugo stared out the window. “Dad, what was it like being friends with someone famous?”

           Oh.

           “So that’s what’s happening?” Ron asked, trying to stall for time.

           Hugo sniffled, increasing Ron’s alarm. “Lil’s awesome, and she’s my favourite cousin, but everyone knows who she is, even the teachers! And everyone tells her how much like her mum or dad is, and everyone wants to be her friend…and no one wants to be friends with me.”

           Ron’s heart sank. “That’s not true,” he tried to deny.

           Hugo shook his head violently. “It is! Lil’s got loads of friends besides me, and they all want her to do things with them all the time, and they never ask me, ever! And she always brings me along anyways, because we’re mates, but I know some of them don’t want me there!” He crossed his arms. “So I decided to stop bothering her, because she’s got all these nice new friends who aren’t weird and are scared of talking to people, and she’ll forget about me and we’ll just be cousins.” There were tears in the little boy’s eyes now.

           Ron pulled Hugo into his arms, letting his son sob against his chest. This was something he knew how to do, so he just held Hugo tight and tried desperately to think of what to say.

           “Has she ever said anything to you about all of this? Have you asked her what she thinks?”

           Hugo shook his head. “No…but I don’t want to m-make her choose.”

           My poor boy. “Hugo, listen to me, alright?” Ron felt Hugo’s sobs begin to slow, but he didn’t let go of him, couldn’t bear to. “When I first became friends with your Uncle Harry, I didn’t have much idea of what I was getting into. I didn’t really think of him as ‘the Boy Who Lived’, not after we really started talking on the train, and he just seemed like a fun person to be friends with. Then we got to school, and I realized that being friends with him meant people didn’t always see me.”

           Hugo looked up at him. “But you’re tall!”

           Ron laughed. “Yes, and Harry was a scrawny little git back then…still is now, come to think of it.”

          Hugo managed a giggle at that.

          “It was weird,” Ron admitted. “But I suppose I was used to it—I was the youngest of all my brothers, and being ‘one of the group’ was sort of how I grew up. I just thought things might change when I went to school. But everything I did was with Harry and your mum, and people…people seemed to notice Harry much more.”

         He remembered the bitterness, the anger that he didn’t want to have, that he tried so hard to push down but came out at the worst times,  when Harry needed him most. He still hadn’t forgiven himself for leaving them in the woods.

        “So what did you do?” Hugo asked innocently.

         “Well…we fought sometimes,” Ron admitted. “I was jealous of him, and I tried to hide it by being as angry as I could. That didn’t work—your mum saw through me, and so did Harry after a while. It was stupid of me not to tell him.”    

        “Why? You thought it was wrong to feel that, why would you say anything?”

         “He was my best mate, Hugo,” Ron said gently. “I was supposed to tell him if I had a problem, not go off every now and again when he really hadn’t done anything.”

         Hugo pulled away, small hands still clutching Ron’s jumper. “So do you still feel like that?”

         Ron smiled. “No, and it’s because of something he did, of course.”

        “What?” Hugo asked impatiently.

         So Ron told him.

         Just days after the last funeral, he got an owl from Harry asking if they could meet at Grimmauld Place. He went to the old house, and was shown in to the kitchen by Kreacher, Harry sitting there with Firewhisky and soup.

         After toasts to the dead, the two of them sat back, Kreacher having disappeared after bringing them steak and kidney pie. Harry had dark circles under his eyes, but the hunted look in them was gone. Ron wondered if he looked the same way.

        “You all right, mate?” Ron asked.

         Harry shrugged. “I’m as good as can be expected, I suppose.”

         Ron was suddenly very angry that he still had no idea what to say to his friend, even now that he knew exactly how awful it felt to put people you loved in the ground. He reached across the table, then stopped.

        “You know, I never told you something important,” Harry said suddenly.

        “What?”

        “I told you that I love Hermione like a sister, that she’s family to me.” Harry looked him dead in the eye. “I never told you that I feel the same way about you.”

         Ron was speechless.

        “You’re my best mate, Ron,” Harry said, tone serious. “You’re —well, you’re the closest thing I have to a brother, you know? I’ve no idea what I would have done without you. You were my first friend, and everyone in your family…they’re my friends and family because of you. Including Ginny—I didn’t want to ask her out for the longest time because she was your sister. I didn’t know if you knew that, if you knew that I don’t see you as anything less than Ron Weasley, my brilliant, mad, amazing best friend. But I do. So…yeah.”

          “I…” Ron searched frantically for some way to answer, to apologize for not understanding what was so clear now. He hadn’t had to be jealous of Harry. Harry thought he was important.

         “I realized that I hadn’t told you before I…well, before I died, so I wanted to do it now to make sure, before it happens again,” Harry said, blushing a bit as Ron continued to gape at him.

          Then Ron had it.

         “You’re not allowed to die,” he blurted out. “I’m not burying another brother.”

          Harry’s smile, tinged with sadness as it was, still made Ron feel like he’d done something right.

          Hugo was quiet for a moment when Ron finished talking. “So…that was it?”

         “Yes?” Ron asked, nonplussed.

         “But…but that was two minutes!”

          Ron couldn’t help laughing. “We’d been friends for almost eight years at that point, lad. Maybe that’s all we needed.”

           Hugo looked pensive.

           “And how long have you been friends with Lily?” Ron prodded gently.

           “As long as…I don’t know, as long as I can remember,” Hugo said, brightening.

           “Why don’t you send her an owl, son, and see if you can have a chat. Don’t you worry—the Potters are good at sorting things out.”

           Hugo leapt up to go to his desk, then whirled suddenly and threw his arms around Ron. “So are the Weasleys,” he mumbled. “Thanks Daddy.”

           Ron’s heart swelled—Hugo had abandoned that name at the age of nine, and he’d missed it. He put his arm across his son’s shoulders. “Anytime, lad.”