#i didn’t hurt myself if anything it felt like I’d just snapped myself out of it

[nathaslosthershit]

A Much Needed Interview (OP81)

(Part 2 of Teen Dad) Summary: After the shock of Oscar revealing himself to be a former teen dad, he joins an interview in the hopes of clearing everything up and limiting the overwhelming amount of questions he has been getting.

“Oscar, it is nice of you to sit down with us. I know it has been an interesting few weeks for you and your family. How are you guys all doing?” The interviewer asks.

‘Yeah, y’know, I had expected to one day have to open up about it all, but I never thought I’d have to do it the way I did. It has been fine, obviously my kids are young enough to not be impacted because they aren’t on social media, but it has been strange for my fiancée who is now getting hundreds of requests on her private account. I have sort of decided to take a break from social media because the response has been overwhelming and like none before. Mostly positive but I think a few people have gotten the wrong idea so I was hoping to clear everything up.” Oscar rambled. He was more nervous about this interview than any he had done before.

“Of course. Why don’t we start at the beginning, how did you and your fiancée meet?”

“We actually met at one of my races. She went to support one of her close friend’s brothers. After the race that I sadly didn’t do too well in, I saw her with her friend and I was kinda frozen in my spot, immediately head over heels. Sadly, it seems like everyone but her noticed. I was too scared to do anything so I just watched her leave. I think I sulked for days, totally regretting my decision to do nothing. A totally heartbroken 16 year old. I looked for her every single race until she finally came back a few months later.”

“Oh please tell me you finally got the confidence to shoot your shot.”

“Nope! I just stared at her and stuttered when she caught me looking then ran off. I then had an amazing race, I think part of me was just trying to make up for the embarrassment and luckily it seems my car got the memo. After the race she came up to me and asked for my number.” God, he was blushing profusely at the memory. He knew he would be getting slack for this for a very long time. 

“Such a story! The young Oscar Piastri was no ladies’ man.”

“He was absolutely not. Soon after we started dating.” Oscar awkwardly laughed, sensing what was about to come up.

“And then kids came shortly after?” The interviewer asked with care in his voice, certainly able to sense Oscar’s change in attitude.

“Yeah. Uh, obviously not planned. I don’t think many people plan to become parent’s at 18. It was a shock… I didn’t handle it the best at first, something I think I will always regret. She was scared and while so was I, I should have been more supportive. I was embarrassed for a while. Felt like a total idiot. I didn’t tell anyone outside of my family and made them swear to secrecy. I also began to isolate myself from friends because I couldn’t bring myself to tell them but also felt terrible lying. A few months in I finally snapped myself out of it and began to focus on all the wonderfulness that was to come. I loved her more than anything and I would be lying if I said I hadn’t already imagined a life together in great detail. By the time we found out it was twins, a boy and a girl, I was ecstatic.”

“Well mate, I don’t blame you for your feelings. I definitely would have been a terrible father at 18 so I salute you.” The interviewer joked.

“Honestly, I had the same thought for a while, even when I was excited to have kids. I had so many doubts about it, I mean how could I not? But when it came down to it, I couldn’t afford to be anything less than a great father. Of course I had my moments, and still do years later, but I wouldn’t be able to let myself be anything less than I am. If you love your kids enough, you find a way.”

“How did having kids so young impact your career? Obviously it didn’t hurt it too much considering you are in your second year driving in Formula 1.”

“Well, I decided I wouldn’t advertise my situation unless a team was very serious about me. Prema knew, Alpine did too and of course McLaren does. All were welcoming and accommodating, as much as they could be. I don’t think I would have gone with any of them if they weren’t cool with it though. I realized the minute my kids were born I would give it all up for them, which scared the hell out of me.”

“That is admirable. All these years later you are still with their mother, correct?”

“Yes! I asked her to marry me over break. Everyone close to us had been confused as to why it took so long but we had discussed marriage together many times and made the decision that because our relationship moved so fast with having kids so young, we would wait a bit. I mean, we are still young but I honestly couldn’t wait any longer. She is everything to me and the most wonderful mother my kids could have.”

“Have your kids been around the paddock yet? I assume they are old enough to understand what you do.”

“They have been to the factory and come with me to meetings when we haven’t had a sitter for them. Luckily, they are both very well behaved in public, they also really like watching the races on tv and have somewhat of an understanding of what I do. They don’t believe I actually drive the car though.” Oscar rumbled. Trying to convince his twins that yes, their father actually does drive the cars they see going super fast, has been an ongoing issue. They seem to believe he is tricking them but have no problem believing Uncle Logan and Uncle Lando drive the cars. It has definitely humbled him immensely.

“Well you will have to fix that soon huh? Will they be attending races in the future?”

“I am trying to work that out with my fiancée actually. They are almost four so we don’t want them traveling too far, I also don’t believe they will be able to be entertained solely by the race the entire time so we have a lot to deal with. But I think seeing them on the paddock supporting me will be one of the best moments of my life. I selfishly can’t wait for them to come.”

The interview wrapped up shortly after that. Getting to reminisce on the start of his relationship and how far they have come and how many wonderful things are in the future put Oscar in a deliriously happy mood. He couldn’t wait to get home to his family. 

Walking through the door, he was immediately welcomed to the sound of toddler meltdowns. Fully entering the house, he saw his very tired fiancée rubbing her face as she tried to calm her babies down. Clearly this had been going on for a while.

Despite how upset she looked, she immediately perked up at seeing Oscar had returned. But that immediately went away as she remembered the screaming kids and how messy the house and herself were.

“Sorry honey, I know you are probably so tired after the interview and meetings earlier and these two missed their nap so they are so cranky and I just-” He cut her off with a kiss. Once he pulled away she looked at him, perplexed. A kiss from Oscar was never unwelcome but it was the last thing she expected at that moment.

“Hey, look at me.” He said as he put a hand on her cheek. “I love you and our little family so much and you never, ever have to apologize for something as trivial as this. Why don’t you go get in the bath and relax a little and I will try to wrangle these two, okay?” 

In her eyes, Oscar had never been hotter than he was now. Now it was her turn to surprise him with a kiss, even more passionate than the first. They would have continued if it hadn’t been for more screaming from their two kids.

Still, Oscar wouldn’t change a thing.

[pit-and-the-pen]

I Can Do It With a Broken Heart (Pt 2 to unrequited love)

A/n: HERE IT IS BESTIES!!! The official Pt 2 to unrequited love! I know the poll is still live but I’m impatient. So to make sure I’m still taking everyone’s votes into account there will be an alternate ending that should be posted right after this.

Read the Alt ending here, it's pretty similar in places

Read Pt 3 here

I'm still absolutely blown away by how well-received the first part was. This is going to be an ongoing series, all could be read individually but the "background" will be these two fics.

Warnings: Angst, Cursing, reader suffers from depressed thoughts

WC: ~3.4k

divder by @cafekitsune

The next morning I was in Rhys office. He barely even looked up from the paper strewn over his desk before I spoke. 

“I’m going back home.” 

He sighed, leaning back into his chair. His eyes raked over me, “Does this have anything to do with why Azriel was so huffy this morning?” His eyebrow raised and I felt the anger I’d been trying to quell since last night rise its head up like a sleeping dragon.

“Fuck off. Let him be mad if he wants to be mad.” I snapped. 

“Mad isn’t exactly how I would put it,” He paused looking at me. “What happened?” The High Lord questioned. I sighed not having the strength to recount the events from last night. 

“Nothing but the inevitable.” he frowned at my non-answer but didn’t press any harder. 

“I’ll miss you. We all will.” He said finally. I nodded. 

“You all should visit.” Not an I’ll visit. No. If I could avoid it I would never step foot into this miserable court ever again. 

I was gone by mid-morning. Mor had helped me winnow the things I wanted to take with me. What they did with the rest wasn’t any of my concern. Rhys or Feyre had bought it all for me anyways, let them decide what to do with their money. 

Once I had gotten settled into my room, I hugged Mor goodbye and thanked her for her help. She just gave me a tighter hug and told me she would visit soon. 

It was two weeks before I could see Helion.Two weeks of settling back into my court that I loved so dearly.  He was visiting Dawn court for some trade agreement that needed to be signed. I came by every day, asking if he’d returned you. His second would just silently shake her head at me. And I would stomp back to my room like an angry babe. 

Two weeks of checking before I finally saw her nod her head and I had to stop myself from running into Helions office. I had the control to at least knock on the door but not much else. I quickly shut the door behind me as he called me in. 

“Sunbeam!” He called out when saw my face. “I had hoped the rumors of you moving back home were true.” He walked around the desk and gave me a brisk hug. Very out of character for him. 

“You’re not an easy man to schedule an appointment with, Helion.” I smiled warmly at the High Lord of my court. 

“If you wanted a piece of me, you only had to say the words and I would have come running darling.” There's the flirt I remember. I thought, rolling my eyes.

“But judging by your urgency in requesting a meeting that my second expressed to me, I’m going to assume that’s not what you wanted to see me for.”

My smile dropped as I braced myself for the question I needed to ask him.

“I need you to break a mating bond”

His mouth fell open. For once in my life, Helion was speechless. “I don’t know if I can even do that. Are you sure that’s what you want?” His eyes saw right through me. I threw my head back, a sad laugh bubbling past my lips. 

“Yes. No. Gods I don’t know. I just don’t want it to hurt like this forever.” I felt treacherous tears starting to fall down my face. Helion grabbed my arms gently before I could wipe them away. 

“I know you well enough to know that you don’t run away from hard things.” He held me against his chest as I really started to sob. 

“Helion. Every second that I’m away from him it kills me. I’m over here dying inside over some male who only ever saw me as a second option.” 

“Then he’s an idiot. But the mother still saw fit to make you two mates. Give it some more thought, you’re clearly still not fully decided. I’ll do some research to see if it’s even possible and if you still want to, I’ll be here to help.” I nodded my thanks into his shirt. He takes my head between his hands and uses his thumbs to wipe the tears still streaking down my face. He gives me a gentle kiss on the top of my head before I walk out of the room. 

I sat on the decision for a month. A month of volleying back and forth. Weighting the pros and cons of my choice. I had started doing my own research through the tomes in the library I had access to. My eyes widened as I finally found the information I needed. 

Picking up the book I all but sprinted to Helion’s office. I didn't bother knocking as I pushed past the door. Helion looked up from his desk and raised an eyebrow at me. 

Panting, I showed him the page in the book. “Are you sure?”

“I’ve never been more sure of anything in my whole life.” I promised him. He still looked skeptical but walked around to where I stood anyway. 

“I can’t say this is going to be pleasant.” He said wearily as I laid down on the couch in his study. “I’ve never heard of anyone doing this. I’ve seen rejection but this is cutting off the magic at the source.”

I looked into the males eyes, eyes I had known my whole life.

“Please. Nothing can hurt more than this already does.” Sympathy washed over his face and he leaned over me, placing a hand to each of my temples. It felt like the worst headache I had ever had in my life. My head was being split open and I heard the whimper leave my mouth. The pressure of his hands lifted slightly and I fought to get out the words. “I’m okay. Keep going.” I couldn’t open my eyes to see his face but his hands didn’t move. The pounding broke to a burning heat. I could feel the moment it snapped, I could almost picture the scissors snipping that tight string that connected us. One last fleeting rush of pure pain pushed through the bond. And then it was gone. My head was still pounding, I opened my eyes and saw Helion panted above me. 

“How do you feel?” He asked, helping me into a sitting position. 

“Like I have one hell of a hangover.” I pressed a hand to the bridge of my nose. Like I could squeeze out the uncomfortable feeling. “But also lighter.” My free hand going to my chest. It would take some time to adjust to this new feeling. But I could not stop the smile that spread over my face. Before Helion could say anything else, I reached up to wrap my arms around his neck.

“I can’t thank you enough.” I said into his neck. He gave a tight laugh and hugged me back. 

“You should go sleep this off. Please tell me if any of the pain gets worse.” He held my face between his hands and I nodded as much as I could. I all but floated back to my room. 

I fell into a familiar routine back in the Day Court. I took up my old job as a researcher. My days were spent surrounded by the massive libraries of my home court. People would come to us with questions and it was our job to use the knowledge at our disposal to find them answers. It kept me busy at the very least, but I did have to admit that I love doing it. I felt more useful here than I ever had at the Night Court. Pangs of sadness would rip through me when someone snarked in a way that made me think of Cassian. When someone would smirk and I could only picture Rhysand standing in front of me as he beat me in chess. The art was so beautiful that I longed to show Feyre if only to see that twinkle in eye as she dissected the colors and shading used. 

I smiled as the pang in my chest at the thought of Azriel held no pain. It had taken me some time to get used to the emptiness in my chest, I had grown so used to the hollow feeling of the unreturned bond but this emptiness wasn’t pain but instead it was like a weight had been taken off my chest. 

Someone calling my name pulled me from my musing. One of the messengers, Dia, smiled brightly up at me. “Hey sunbeam. Helion asked me to deliver this to you.” I took the golden envelope from her. I thanked her and she turned around, leaving me back to my books. 

I slid my finger under the seal and pulled out the letter. He was flirty even in a letter. He had requested that I accompany him to the latest ball he was hosting. Helion, ever the charmer, even placed boxes for me to check yes or no. I giggled to myself at the juvenile nature of it, but checked yes with the quill sitting next to me. 

The ball was just a few days away and I was so excited as dress after dress were brought into my room for me to try on. The one that ended up catching my eye was a floor length glossimer dress, such a pale golden color it looked almost like sunlight itself. The bottom was dyed a light pink color that flowed into it seamlessly. It took my breath away as I smoothed out the light fabric. It fit like a glove and I knew instantly this was the dress I had to wear. 

My reflection looked like a stranger. My hair was pinned to one side, sweeping down over my shoulder and my back. A golden tiara was woven into loose curls. Long golden chandelier earrings studded with diamonds almost touched my shoulders. The sun had created a sultry blush on the high points of my cheeks. I looked happier than I had in years. I sensed Helion's presence in my room and caught his eyes in the floor length mirror. 

He let out a low whistle and I blushed, adjusting my tiara. I walked over to him and he held out his hand for me, twirling me around dramatically when I took it. “No one will be able to take their eyes off of you, Sunbeam.” His eyes hungirly raked over me, “If you ever reconsider my offer. I would take you to bed in a heartbeat. Just say the words.” I pushed his shoulder, I didn’t doubt his words. 

“Keep your pants on Helion. We have a ball to get to.” 

“I’m High Lord. I can be late.” His pupils had dilated and I rolled my eyes, pushing him out the door before I linked my arm into his. 

The ball was as lavish as I had expected. There was much to celebrate and this was mostly to welcome the new High Lord. Eris. Beron had finally died a few months back and Eris had officially stepped into the role with grace. The autumn court once known for its cruelty seemed to be taking a new direction and as I talked to nobility from the court, it was for the better. I had gotten to know him over the years, his frequent visits to the Night Court, plus a few flirty exchanges that I always brushed off, while he was helping us during the war softened me to him. Learning the true events of that night with Mor. 

I locked eyes with Eris across the room. He had been heartbreakingly handsome when he was just High Fae but as a High Lord? His hair had grown slightly longer, just touching his shoulders. Dressed in a deep maroon suit that showed off every single one of his muscles. The permanent scowl that had been etched into his face had been replaced with a smile that radiated comfort. My feet seemed to move without deciding to. Eris kept his eyes locked onto mine as I got closer. My cheeks heated up under his intense stare. 

“Hi little sunbeam,” Honeyed words wrapped around me. “Seems like you’re no longer hiding in the shadows.” He held out his hand, eyes flickering to the dance floor. I smiled up at him and gently placed my hand in his. 

His touch was firm and the warmth of his power radiated off of him. He clutched my waist, pulling me flush to his front. I felt every plane of his toned body pressed against me and goosebumps broke out across my skin having nothing to do with the temperature in the room. The two of us gilded across the floor. I could feel the eyes of the room on us but I only had eyes for the male in front of me. 

“If I had known you danced this good, I would have pulled you out of that miserable court a long time ago.” He spoke into the shell of my ear.  “I’ll never understand what the Shadowslinger was thinking, even I could smell the mating bond on you. Plus, one look at me with those beautiful doe eyes and I would have been putty in your hands.” He nipped at my earlobe and I felt it deep in my stomach. 

“Well good thing he’s not my mate anymore.” I whispered back to him, voice breathy. He responded with a kiss to my neck. All of a sudden I felt his warmth disappear. Before I could even process what had happened, I was standing half ways across the room. Eris just smirked, eyes twinkling with mischief. 

“Stand down, you overgrown bat.” The High Lord said and that’s when I heard the growl from my side, caught a glimpse of wings and sapphire blue. Before another word could leave my mouth, I was being pulled out of the ballroom and outside to the balcony. 

I thrashed against Azriel’s grip on my arm. His hand wrapped around my wrist tight enough to bruise. 

“What the hel was that?” He yelled at me, finally letting go of my wrist.

“You had no right!” I screeched at him. Anger seethed through me. I felt my palms heat up from the light trying to escape from them. He went to grab my arm and I ripped it back from his reach. “Don’t you fucking dare.” 

“Please.” Was all he said and suddenly it was like that night all over again. Me pouring my heart out and all he could say was please. 

“Please what, Azriel? Is that all you know how to do, beg and plead. For what? Was breaking my heart once not enough for you.” 

“Gods. What do you want me to say?” He ran his hands through his hair. He looked like he was about to lose it. Good. “Do you want to hear how I was fucking terrified. How any good thing that I had ever received had been taken away from me? That when I felt that twinge in my chest, that I knew what it meant but prayed to the gods that it wasn’t that.” I went to start in on him again. “Would hearing that I looked for you in every female I came across help us here?.” 

“Stop. Just stop. I’m sure you’ve rehearsed this all before but do you actually think I’m stupid enough to believe it?” I spit out between my teeth. 

“No. Gods this is coming out all wrong.” He ran a frantic hand through his hair. I clocked the shake in them “Why did you break the bond?”

I laughed at his audacity. “Why? You have the nerve to ask me why?” My voice dripped venom, “I did it because I couldn’t stand being tied to you like that. That night..” I started, he interrupted me.

“I said the most vile things I could think of. I panicked when you told me about the bond. If you could feel it too, I knew nothing good could have come from that so I pushed you away.” I shook my head, as if I could shake his words away from my ears. 

“You seemed so shocked when I told you.” 

His head sunk down, voice small “I was shocked because no part of me believed, believes, that I deserve you in that way.” When he stepped forward, I didn’t step away. Mind too busy catching up with his words. “Please say something. “ 

I turned my eyes up to look at him. Hazel eyes soft sparkling with unshed tears. I wanted to rip into him. I truly did. Some sick part of me wanted to make him hurt like he had hurt me but I know that wouldn’t fix anything here. What is done was done. 

“You don’t get to do this to me. You don’t get to say all the right things and just have me forgive you. You don’t get to say that you love me after everything you did.” He sighed. Leaning his head on top of mine. I frowned at the contact, but didn’t push him away, refusing to melt into him. “Whatever your reason. You said all those things that you knew would hurt me, you said them and some part of you had to believe them.” 

“I know. There isn’t a day that I don’t regret everything that I said, everything I had put you through over all those years. I took you for granted and I didn’t realize how much I loved you until you were gone. Until I felt that bond being snatched away from me” I wanted to push him back but something in me let his words sink into my bones. 

“I had dreamed for so long how it would feel when I finally heard you say those words, And do you know what I feel?” His eyes glimmered with hope as I took a step away from him, out of his grasp. “Nothing. I feel nothing for you. Not anger, not contempt.” Tears slipped out of his eyes at my harsh words. “Of course I remember what it felt like before. Maybe some part of me will always love you in my own way but I’m not tied to you anymore and I have never been so thankful for something in my entire life.” He flinched like I had hit him.

“Do you really mean that?” His voice was so small it almost made me feel bad for him. Almost.

“I do.” I sucked in a heavy breath. “Look, we’ll most likely still have to see each other so I don’t want to end on a bad note. You were still one of my best friends for over a century and this doesn’t undo all of that but this,” I gesture between the two of us, “Will never be anything else but that, a friendship.” He gave me a sad smile. 

“I’ll take whatever you are willing to give me.” I turned to walk away and he reached for my arm, I grabbed his hand and gave it a gentle squeeze before I walked back to the ball that was in full swing. 

I weaved in between bodies easily. Finding Eris with ease. Despite being in the middle of a conversation, he stepped away the moment he sensed my presence. Not sparing a glance to the fae surrounding him. 

“That’s all settled then?” He asked, giving me a once over. I nodded and took his hand again.

“I believe we were in the middle of a dance?” I pulled him against me, not realizing how much I missed the feeling of his heat against my skin. I placed my head on his chest. We didn’t so much as dance, more so swayed in place. Arms wrapped around each other. He tapped my chin with a gentle finger and I let him guide my mouth up to his. The kiss was soft and sweet, like holding your hands in front of a warm fire after a day in the cold. When I tried to deepen it, he laughed against my lips. I let out a shameless whine as he disconnected our lips. As I looked into his eyes, I felt the stirring of something familiar and for the first time, welcomed it as that hole in my chest was filled again.

Tagging people that seemed excited about pt. 2

@cleverzonkwombatsludge @yearninglustfully @myromanempiree @starsandsins @melmo567 @saltedcoffeescotch

[writeonwhiskey]

the skz house: ch 23 (chan pov)

a/n: thank you @bahablastplz for editing! i really loved writing from chan's pov. i hope you all enjoy this one!!

[ read chapter 22 here ]

Chapter Twenty-Three: Of You

You haven’t spoken to me in days.

A few months ago, this wouldn’t have bothered me at all. I would have been fine with it. I would have preferred it. Here I am now, silently pleading with you at the table to look at me. But you don’t. And it’s my fault. I shouldn’t have said those things to you the other night. I shouldn’t have fucked you like that.

Seeing you hurt as a direct result of my actions has never been easy to accept. In the beginning I brushed it off as being necessary. After you bulldozed through the walls I had up, though, it felt impossible to reassemble them. I’m Humpty fucking Dumpty over here.  

Should I have sent you away when you showed up at our house? Lee Know was in charge of the applicants, so I was floored seeing you walk in behind Seungmin that day. If I’d seen you amongst the candidates beforehand, I would have rejected it...maybe. I would have at least been able to spare you of the bullshit I put you through then, and again now. It’s unfair to you. I know it is.

But once you were here, I didn’t want you to leave. I pushed you away because I needed you to make the choice to go—I’m too selfish when it comes to you, I learned that quickly. I’ve never felt this way about anything before and I honestly don’t know how to cope with it. I feel whole when I’m with you in general, I feel invincible when I’m fucking you…how can this possibly be wrong?

Now I’m left hanging on to the tiniest of threads that connect us and I’m trying not to cling too hard for fear that it will snap from all the weight I bear in this. The thought of losing you terrifies me. And I know it’s inevitable.

I attempt to talk to you after dinner when I see you in the hallway. I want to apologize for my actions, but you cut me off.

“Don’t be. You’re right. We should want to do this and I’m going to give it a try.”

I feel consumed with rage at your words. I want to lash out and scream or punch a hole through the goddamn wall. But I don’t. I let you go.

I have to let you go.  

On Sunday when you come to my room to grab your sheets, you don’t say anything. I deserve it though, don’t I? If I hadn’t taken that trip with you my father wouldn’t have grown suspicious. I wouldn’t have to give you up for the next two weeks when I already have so little time left with you. If I hadn’t opened up to you, this wouldn’t be so hard on both of us. And on top of all that, I’m the one who told you we should be open to this first. I’m reaping what I’ve sown.

Allie comes in a little while later to put her sheets on your bed. The sight of them there doesn’t look right. Neither does she.

I watch as she moves around my room, oblivious to my mood and making small talk. I’m responsive…I think.  I will myself to feel some kind of emotion while looking at her—even if it’s just lust. She’s pretty, I could be attracted to her. If I call her over to my bed right now, she’d come. I could fuck her…but I don’t want to.

My ears perk up when she says she wants to spend the first night with me. As much as I want to object, I don’t. I can’t, really.

After dinner, I quickly shower and get into my own bed with the lights off before she returns. I can’t fall asleep, though. I’m thinking about you. Who are you staying with tonight? Are you sleeping in their bed?

I’m still wide awake when she comes back in, wearing just a towel. I can’t even be bothered to take a gander.

It disturbs me.

She shouldn’t be here. 

“Chan? Are you asleep?” she calls out into the darkness.

I remain silent and still. I hear her change into her pajamas and climb in her—your—bed, and finally feel relaxed enough to actually try falling asleep.

She stays with Hyunjin for the next three days and it feels like a relief. I’d rather be alone. But…being alone, with my thoughts does little to help me. I can’t stop thinking about you. What are you doing? Is Seungmin being good to you?

As fucked up as my mental and emotional state are, on Jeongin’s birthday I can’t keep being a recluse. He’ll be offended if I don’t show up for a little while, at least. So, I join the others in the basement for drinks and karaoke. Drinking to drown my sorrows is not something I enjoy, but tonight I want to. Especially since Allie will be in my room. I don’t want to do anything I might regret—but have you?

I’m one drink deep by the time you come in with Changbin. You seem happy. He offers to get you a drink, which I don’t mind. Then he calls you his girl. Which I do mind.

At that, I finish what’s left in my cup and give myself another heavy-handed pour of whiskey to replenish it. Have you fucked him? I wonder. The thought makes me feel sick to my stomach. I can’t help but feel selfish. In this fucked up situation, I know none of these guys would do anything to intentionally harm you. I know you’re in good hands, but…fuck. I don’t want anyone else on this entire planet to have you.

As the night carries on, everyone’s having a good time and I’m sulking in the corner like a toddler that’s been forced to share his favorite toy. I don’t know how else to feel right now. I am used to seeing you be flirtatious with Hyunjin. Seeing you cuddled up to Changbin on the couch, though, makes me want to snatch you away from him and claim you in front of everyone. But I can’t.

I can’t even be mad at him. He means well. And when he gets up to perform, I’m left smiling at his antics. I couldn’t seriously hate any of them, even if you are involved. I’ve known them for too long. These are my brothers. At the end of everything, they’re the ones who will be with me the rest of my life. Not you.

“Chan-hyung!”

I’m ripped form my confuddled thoughts when Jeongin says my name. I immediately shake my head—I’m not in the mood.

“For my birthday,” he adds. “Stop being boring and old.”

I frown at that.

Then Lee Know is marching towards me, grabbing me by the arm, and pulling me to the other room. I don’t put up too much of a fight—I’m old and boring, after all.

“For your birthday,” I look pointedly at Jeongin to which he beams back at me. “What do you wanna hear?”

“That new song you were finishing up last week,” he says.

“No, not that,” I shake my head.

For my music production minor, I’ve been spending more time in the studio than usual. There’s no better way to get my feelings and frustrations out than through music. Tortured artist and all that.

“Yes, that. It’s my birthday.”

He’s really milking this birthday thing. He connects his phone to the speaker, and I silently curse myself for having sent him the song. Everything I’ve done lately has come back to slap me in the face.

The melody starts to play, and I let out a sigh, trying to shake my troublesome thoughts and get into performance mode. I turn to face the TV; I can’t look at you while I sing this.

“Got so many questions, you seek information. No need to be desperate, we’re just getting started.”

I started writing this song before we even took our trip, but only just booked the studio time to record it. The lyrics cut deeper now than when I originally wrote them. They reveal the way I’ve felt about you. The way I still feel about you.

This is bad, isn’t it?

Do you hate it?

Are you repulsed after the way I treated you?

As I continue singing, I turn around to face everyone. My eyes find you first. You seem taken aback—it’s understandable.

“Locked in sight, we’re in trouble. A lock and a key making rumbles. I know you want me, don’t crumble.”

I avert my gaze before the next lyrics. Looking at you and singing them will make me crumble. But I mean every single word. I never thought I’d meet someone that feels so perfect for me. Why did it have to be like this?

When the song is over, I pass the mic to Rhiannon and retreat back to the bar. You’re performing now. You’re smiling and happy…all the things I wish I could make you. But I can’t. I’m not allowed to. Not for real anyways.

My eyes are so focused on you that I don’t notice Allie until she’s snapping her fingers in front of my face.

“Earth to Chan—you okay?” she places a hand on my shoulder.

“I’m good,” I say, sitting up straight and drinking from my cup.

She’s standing between my legs. Again, I will myself to feel something…anything. Maybe not unbridled attraction, but at least a desire to fuck her. It doesn’t happen. I raise a hand to her waist to test it out, but it doesn’t feel right. I could kiss her right now, get it over with.

“I have class at 8 so I’m gonna head up. You coming?”

I shrug, dropping my hand from her waist.

“Come on,” she says, sliding her hand down my arm to my wrist.

I let her pull me off the chair and up the stairs with her. I guess I could go to my room with her. I probably should.

So, I do. I follow her up the steps, her hand still holding my wrist. We get to my room, and she shuts the door behind us.

“I’m gonna shower first,” I say, in hopes the steam will clear my mind up.

She releases my wrist and I retreat to my bathroom.

I should fuck her. I really should. Even though I don’t feel physically attracted to her, I can think of you to make my dick hard. Then I can fuck her and get you out of my head. I can end this turmoil.

The shower does little to make me feel better. Nothing can make me feel better.

Except you.

I spend far longer than necessary in there and when I get out, I’ve lost all conviction to sleep with her. As I re-enter my room, I’m hoping and praying that she has fallen asleep.

She hasn’t.

“Get some rest…I’m gonna go make a snack.”

“I can make you something,” she offers, pushing the sheets back.

“No, it’s okay—thank you, though. Go to sleep.”

She nods and pulls the blankets back over her.

Downstairs, I sit down on the couch and turn the TV on. I’m not even hungry. I just didn’t want to be in my room with her. I’ve never felt so hung up on someone before, it leaves me at a loss of what to do. If I fuck her, it would only be to help myself move on from you. I’m just not convinced it would work. And I’d hate myself after for it. But have you already moved on? The thought keeps plaguing me.

I remain in place, rooted to the couch, as the others start to file out of the basement. First Han and Charlotte, then Lee Know, then comes Changbin…and you.

He’s drunk. He has one arm slung over your shoulder, and both of yours are wrapped around his waist to support him. You help him up the stairs without so much as a glance in my direction. What are you going to do up there? I want to go up there after you, but I can’t.

The sounds coming from the TV start to annoy me. I mute it and stare blankly at the moving images. I don’t know how much time passes in silence. My attention is drawn to the stairs at the sound of footsteps coming down.

It’s you.

You immediately look away from me and proceed into the kitchen. I shouldn’t follow you. But I’m up and off the couch before I can stop myself. I’m drawn to wherever you are. I’m a magnet and you’re my true north.

With every step I take towards you the voice in my head—my father’s voice—is telling me to stop and turn around and I hate it. I hate that voice. I hate that it wants to steal the one piece of unadulterated happiness I’ve felt in years. You feel like bliss. You feel like hope.

He threatened to make you leave. I swear to God I nearly fucking broke right then and there. He can yell and berate me all he wants, but to threaten to take you away before our time is up? Out of the question. I put up a front, acted nonchalant about you.

‘She doesn’t mean anything, Appa.’

 Lie.

You mean everything.

When I enter the kitchen, you’re grabbing water bottles from the pantry. I don’t have a plan, but I know I need to be near you, so I walk over to the pantry and wait for you to turn around.

The second your eyes land on me, all traces of feeling confused and lost leave my body. I’m found. My body is filled with the purest warmth, and I have to touch you to get more of it. I have to have you. You avert your eyes to the water bottles in your hand and I feel a pain in my chest.

“Why are you doing this to me?” I ask, placing a hand on your waist and pulling you towards me.

It’s an unfair question. You don’t know this inward battle I’ve been fighting since you showed up here. But I don’t know what else to say. It’s less of a question and more of a plea, really.

“I’m not doing anything,” you say softly. “I’m just…existing.”

“That’s all it takes, honestly,” I reply.  

“Chan,” you whisper, shaking your head, eyes still on the water bottles.

You won’t look up at me. Why won’t you look at me? I need you to look at me.

I take a few steps back from the pantry and bring you with me. This is the most I’ve touched you in a week. I’m not letting you go. I hold your waist with one hand and use the other to grab the water bottles, two by two, from your hand and set them on the counter before returning my attention to you.

“I feel like I’m in shambles when I’m away from you,” I admit, hooking a finger under your chin, forcing you to look up at me.

“You’re drunk,” you say, trying to push me away.

I hold on to you tighter, standing my ground.

“I miss you.”

You close your eyes and sigh, shaking your head again. You don’t believe me?

“You can’t.”

“But I do.” I say, bending down to nuzzle my face into your neck.

If you push me away again, I’ll take that as a sign. If you’ve made up your mind, I’ll have to live with it.

I wait for it, but it doesn’t happen.

Instead, you wrap your arms around my neck and pull me closer to you. I take in a deep breath and feel the stars align as the familiar smell of your skin ensnares my senses.

My hand leaves your waist and trails up your back, into your hair. I grab a handful of it and tug back on it. You look up at me with those soft fucking doe eyes that make my insides melt. The complete and utter trust you have in me. I can see it.

I smash my lips against yours, maybe too hard, but I don’t care. I want you. I fucking miss you.

You don’t hesitate to kiss me back, just as passionately. Do you miss me too?

I grab you by the waist and hoist you up on the counter as we kiss. My hands fumble at the waistband of your pajama bottoms. I want you so bad. Why am I nervous? And then, you’re helping me, leaning back and lifting your hips to push them down. I pull them off and toss them on the floor beside us. I scoot you to the edge of the counter and lower myself to my knees.

You tangle your hands in my hair as I rub my nose along your slit, inhaling my favorite scent. You smell so good, baby girl. I use my tongue on you next, needing to have you with all my senses. You throw your head back and let out a quiet whimper as I continue to fill myself with what I’ve been deprived of. What I don’t want to go without.

You.

My hands grip your thighs and as I’m licking, lapping, fucking you with my tongue, the emotions I so desperately willed myself to experience earlier surface. And I know then. I know I’m done for. How can I willingly give this up?

I stand from my knees and pull you off the counter, covering your mouth with mine again.

Do you like the way you taste on me? Your moan says yes.

“My cock throbs every time I see you, y/n,” I tell you, breaking the kiss as I turn you around, groping your breasts over your t-shirt. Your head falls back against my shoulder and litter the side of your neck with kisses. I pull you against me and press my hips against yours. I want you to feel how hard I am. How hard you make me. I could come in my pants right now, without even fucking you.

I’m helpless when it comes to you. Can’t you see that?

“Tell me to stop,” I plead, resting my cheek on yours and thrusting my hips against you again.

You shake your head and lean over on the counter, poking your ass out at me. You’re such a good fucking girl. I slap your ass with the palm of my hand, watching as it jiggles in the dimly lit kitchen. I grab a hand full of it, squeezing tightly.

I push my shorts and boxers down and grab my cock with one hand, holding your hips steady with the other. I rub my cock up and down your slit, groaning at how wet you are. Your pussy is always so wet and ready for me. Do you need me just as much as I need you?

“Every time before I fuck you,” I say, teasing your opening as you moan, “I tell myself I can live without it.”

I ease myself inside of you and we both let out the biggest sigh of relief at the same time.

“But I can’t,” I continue, slowly withdrawing. “I fucking can’t.”

I thrust myself back inside of you with as much force as I can and all hell breaks loose.

I realize the precarious situation we’re in. In the kitchen. But I could not care any less. My cock is home inside of you. This is where I’m supposed to be. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.  

I keep thrusting into you and you fuck me back. You want me just as much as I want you, don’t you? But do you need me like I need you? I can’t ask you that, so I just fuck you harder instead. It’s not healthy to communicate this way, but I can’t bring myself to say these desperate words to you. You take each thrust of my hips without running away and I love it. I fucking love—

No. No. I can’t.

The sound of your hushed moans, combined with the knowledge that we could be caught at any second, have all of my nerves standing at attention. You grip the edges of the counter as I grip your waist, pulling you back against me as hard as I can.

Mine.

Right now, I don’t care if you’ve fucked Seungmin or Changbin or both. They can’t hold a candle to what we have when we’re together like this. That much I’m certain of.

You’re mine, y/n.

You stand on your tiptoes and arch your back. I grit my teeth, and squeeze my eyes shut, trying to shake off my release. I need more. But even with my eyes closed, I can picture how you look in front of me. I have every curve of your body memorized; do you know that? The dimples on your back that I love pressing my thumbs into when I grip your hips. The thought makes me growl as I pummel into you harder and faster.

You’re perfect. I need you to know that. With every thrust, every grunt, every moan. I need you to know.

“Chan,” I hear you say and my eyes snap open.

I see your hand buried between your legs, rubbing your clit and working yourself to an orgasm.

Yes. Please, baby girl. Come on my cock.

I feel your pussy, my pussy, clench around my cock as your legs start to shake and I let myself go too; thrusting into you with reckless abandon as I come.

I’m convinced there’s no better feeling in the world.

I’m glad you stayed.

I’m glad I didn’t see your name on the list before you showed up.

Your legs continue to quiver as I lay myself across your back, leaving my cock inside of you.

I don’t want to move.

I don’t want you to leave me.

[ read chapter 24 here ]

a/n: HOW ARE WE FEELING, MY LOVES? poor baby chan is stuck between a rock and a (constantly) hard place. i am so so so excited to hear your thoughts.

[hearts4chriss]

Under the table.

𝐇𝐈𝐒 𝐏𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐂𝐄𝐒𝐒.

Bad boy!Chris + good girl!Black fem shy nerd

Prompt: midway through ur English lecture Chris goes under ur desk while the teacher or nobody can see

Part 02

A/n- VERY REQUESTED!! Pt 3 is also done !! And not proof read

Contains: dirty talking, use of pet names, public sex, chris is munchin, creampie, suggestive touching, embarassed!reader.

ever since Chris and I had sex, things were, well obviously different.

It felt kinda nice having a guy as good looking as him giving me attention despite how wrong it was.

For some reason I felt safe with him, like he wouldn’t let anyone bully me or make fun of me anymore, it was kinda comforting.

Chris pov

Since we had sex, I felt so attached to her like a fucking idiot.

I don’t regret not one bit of it, but something inside me was- I couldn’t get enough of her.

I wanted to taste her, feel her. The way she looked up at me with those big eyes and swollen plump lips after I had ruined her made me yearn for more of her.

The way she felt around me, the way she moaned my name and how she screamed it when she would cum.

it wasn’t just that, she’s beautiful.

her cute little glasses that sit on her nose, her glossy lips and that sweet smile she always give me as she does now while I’m walking with her too our class

I kept her close to me, I wanted to keep her safe from all those things that could hurt her. She was precious I couldn’t bare the thought if someone tried to hurt her. I had to protect her.

we got top class and I held the door for her and gave her a small wink making her smile a bit letting her dimples peek through before my eyes wandered too her skirt.

she had on pink panties this time and I couldn’t resist myself. The way they were peeking through the bottom of her skirt made my dick pressing against my pants.

the way she sat down on the desk and i immediately followed quickly sitting next to her in the back so I could tease her some more.

soon enough class got started and I watched her pull out her pink notebook that said “𝐻𝒪𝒩𝒪𝒰𝑅𝒮 𝐸𝒩𝒢𝐿𝐼𝒮𝐻 ” in a darker pink and she opened it flipping through to find a clean page.

She saw me looking at her noticing I didn’t have a pencil or paper.

Do you need anything? I-I have extra..she said softly nearly making me melt but I tried to keep my composure from wanting to bury my head in between her thighs.

are you stuttering princess, I’m not THAT am I? I let out a small laugh rubbing my hand over her leg and her eyes widen.

No just- ugh here! She whines slightly embarrassed from my little pet name I’ve given her but I thought it was cute so she wasn’t gonna stop me, especially if I got reactions like this.

mhmm nice try tho. I kiss her cheek allowing a smile to curve on her lips.

then the lesson started and she began to take notes and I couldn’t take my eyes off her and how focused she was.

she would poke her tongue out, kinda how I would while she was concentrating, the way she’d push her glasses up occasionally just took me back to the night I fucked her so hard they came off her pretty face.

And her intelligence, the way she answered every question with such ease, then whenever I’d get called on she’d slide me a note with her tiny handwriting with the answer giving me a small smile squeezing my hand slightly.

she was so damn innocent but that only made me want her more.

I was snapped out my fantasies when she asked

May I use the bathroom! She raised her hand our teacher nodded and she got up and walked out the classroom and I was mesmerized by her thighs- fuck the way they look when she walks-

I sighed and peer at her seat next to me and realize, there’s a small wet spot and I smirked too myself.

I made her wet

the thought of that alone could make me cum, knowing I made this nerdy girl wet from only a few words and she tried too hide it was so adorable- never in life would I picture myself liking a girl like her but-

She came back 4 minutes later and sits down fixing her skirt.

you okay princess? I whisper against her neck and I watch her breath hitch.

What’s wrong? I say softly pretending to relax her nerves and dirty thoughts I knew she was having of me and I chuckled.

I slid one of my hands up her thigh resting it at the tip of where her skirt began.

Chris- w-were in class…she shudders shyly at my touch, as if she was begging me too touch her knowing how wrong it was and how fearful she was if she got caught.

and? why would that stop me from eating that pretty pussy of yours?

I Watch her squeeze her thighs together and adjust her glasses and I smirked knowing exactly what her little mind was thinking, though she’d never admit it

gonna be quiet for me? Let me eat you out in class? Make you cum all over my face baby hm? I whisper low enough because nobody was really paying attention too the teacher or us.

yes m’i’ll be quiet I promise- she whispers shaking her head.

Lower ur seat for me. I whisper crouching down under the desks enclosed by a small wall for backpack storage.

Her fingers attached too the lever and she does so moving towards the front of her chair giving me a perfect view of her panties.

I wasted no time knowing this already made her nervous enough, I thought it was cute how embarrassed she was. But she was needy. And I wasn’t gonna make her wait any longer.

I slid the panties down putting them into my pocket.

Her pussy was so fucking wet and it was all for me, I couldn’t wait to taste her.

It was right in front of me as she had positioned herself in the perfect angle, I left kisses on her thighs as a reminder she was my girl and nobody else was aloud to do this.

But her warmth was calling me, the same one I was just inside of only days ago.

I press my tongue to her wetness and she shrieks placing her hand over her mouth beginning to write with shaky hands

fuck- she tastes so good, that aroma id been craving was finally failing into my mouth, I slurped and sucked damn near the life out of this girl as she threw her legs around my head trying to maintain her volume.

her hand grasps my brunette hair slightly tugging on it and I look up seeing how she had one hand over he mouth whilst the other pulls my hair, knowing how flustered all of this made her I opt for sending her a wink before lapping up her wetness again.

I couldn’t get enough of it, she felt so good on my lips, it was so fucking perfect on my mouth, i couldn’t help myself from shaking my head in her pussy sticking my tongue out as her legs shook each time from overwhelming pleasure.

I spread her legs further apart making her groan but she quickly turned into a cough making me damn near burst out laughing.

I knew she was probably freaking out from this, and that made feel somewhat guilty but she was so hard to resist the way she sat in that chair her ass poking out a bit which I really fucking hated because I knew she did as well, but fuck it made me hard especially knowing it was only me who could make her feel so good.

It didn’t take long for her to release her warm cum all over my face, since this was the first she’d experienced this.

Fuck- I whisper to myself watch her juices drip onto the chair. I quickly stood up walking too a side table by the class door.

What’s on ur face Christopher? Look a little mess…the teacher questions and I chuckle and make up a lie quickly

Just ate something really good, and sweet and it had some cream inside so I got a little messy I apologize. I give the teacher a sly smile and she rolls her eyes at me and I wipe my face off and grab some extras for her.

I cleaned her up and saw how her legs shook a bit and how out of breath she was from this.

Her face looked a little embarrassed from my comment earlier but she had a small grin on her face one of enjoyment.

Are you okay princess? I wasn’t too much was I? I say slipping her panties back and she slowly slides them on as my hand rests on her back.

I’m- okay that was-wow-I don’t know I-i liked it a lot. She says shyly, lots of breath in between each word as she placed her head on the desk looking up at me with those big gorgeous eyes through her glasses and that’s when I realize something inside of me.

I couldn’t just have her for sex, or my own pleasure.

I wanted her to be my girl

@mattsleftnipple03 @bernardsleftbootycheek @sturniolopowers @gdsvhtwa @rac00ns-are-c00l4 @alexosllurr @worldlxvlys @chrisslut25 @princessbetsy123-blog @mattslolita @guccifrog @blahbel668 @mattsneezing @trickywritters @hearts4chris

@nonamegirlxsturniolo @luvmxtt @theyluv-meee @hoesformatt @luv4kozume @kikisturnioloo @itzdarling @pepsiimaxx @babyddolly @iiheartstef @junnniiieee07 @ast3ro1dzz @sturniolowhore @st7rnioioss @emma4eva @braindead4l @ihearttsyouu @kqyslyho3 @sturnsfav @sunsetsturniolos @stqrnstars @dlyansworld @chrisloyalgf @soimightlikeoldmen69 @abbie13sworld @lacysturniolo @sturniol0s @chrissgirlsstuff @leah-loves-lilies @luhsexcbihh @nicksmainbitch

[thetriplets3]

When you're about to cry and he does that "hey, hey" thing

please do this with chris

❝𝐧𝐨 𝐭𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐬❞

chris and i have been together for almost 4 months now having met at a small get together of a mutual friend, which when it comes to them a small get together turns into a party.

-flashback-

i had wandered off starting to feel overwhelmed from the constant talking around me. soon enough i found myself in a room that was turned into a makeshift music studio. the room felt inviting and safe for me to hid in for a while. any open space that wasn’t cover with furniture of some kind was filled with more plants than i could name. the warm soft light beckoned me to make myself comfortable, choosing a bean bag nestled in the corner for an extra sense of security. i curled into myself getting comfy figuring it’d be a while till my friend wanted to go home since i went with her. shutting my eyes i listened to the soft sound of the music playing from the other side of the house. the sound of the mini fridge closing startled me, snapping me back to reality.

“oh shit my bad i didn’t think anyone would be here sorry if i scare you. i was just grabbing a pepsi and was hang out here for a bit but i can go if you wanna be alone i mean you came up here for a reason”

“no no you’re good you can stay i just needed to get away from the crowd it was too much for me. so much for a small get together i should have expected this”

“i get that that’s why i came up here. want a drink? there’s pepsi, root beer, water or iced tea?”

“iced tea please”

he grabbed my drink and made himself comfortable on the adjacent bean bag and didn’t hesitate to ask if i was okay and if i needed anything having heard me mention the party was getting too much for me. i had just met him and he wanted to make sure i was okay, something about that just warmed my heart how concerned he was. we began talking about how we knew the host and the more we talked the more we realized how much we had in common. i’m usually wary of men joining me if i’m alone at a party, you can’t trust everyone most of the time they’re drunk or have some weird intention, but something about chris just made me feel automatically safe. before i knew it it was 4 hours later my friend came in the room outta breath complaining how she’d looked everywhere for me and that she’s ready to go home. not wanting to keep her waiting any longer but also not wanting to leave chris, i begrudgingly get up from my comfy spot.

“i’m sorry i’ve gotta go she’s my ride. thanks for keeping me company i really liked talking to you”

“me too. would i be able to get your number? i’d love to see you again if that’s not too forward”

-5 months later-

safe to say i gave him my number. when we first started dating we both opened up about being hesitant of relationships seeing as it’s my first one and he’d been hurt before, the whole idea of dating was unfamiliar to us but we worked through it and i think getting all of our worries and insecurities out really strengthen our relationship.

despite bring together for a few months he’s yet to see me cry which i know isn’t a big deal but that’s just who i am. i’m a sensitive person but i hold it in and break when i’m alone. i was always a very emotional empathetic child the slightest thing made me cry whether it be sad or happy tears. constantly being told “stop crying” or “you’re crying over that?” really got to me now i try and keep my emotions in.

sure chris has seen me get upset or worked up about something so silly. one time i was putting the dishes away and could hardly reach the mug shelf but nonetheless i tried putting a mug in a spot that looked like it’d fit and pushed it a little too hard knocking the mug i made for chris when i did a pottery class on a friends birthday. the mug was coming straight towards i tried catching it but couldn’t and it landed on the ground with a loud smash. tears instantly pricked my eyes seeing the cup i was so proud of smashed to pieces.

third person

chris was playing video games in the living room with his headset on, one ear slightly uncovered so he could listen to you softly sing to your music finding comfort in your voice and presence. a shattering sound followed by your silence had him ripping his headset off and running to the kitchen to see you with the saddest frown on your face and your breathing picking up. rushing over to you he kicks the remnants of the mug out of the way.

-your pov-

“what happened? are you okay? are you hurt? did you step on any pieces?” his voice filled with concern as his eyes dart across my face for any signs of hurt.

“your mug. i broke your mug” my voice so quiet it’s barely audible but the cracks in it indicating in close to tears.

“oh baby it’s okay it’s just a mug i can get another one as long as you’re okay i’m not concerned about the mug. are you okay?” he says lifting my chin drawing my attention to him instead of the tragedy on the floor.

“but it’s the mug i made you your favorite mug and i just smashed it to pieces i’m sorry i shouldn’t have tried reaching when i knew i couldn’t. i broke your mug” i spew out apologies as tears start escaping my eyes.

“hey hey no tears baby. look at me forget about the mug for a sec i care more about you right now, are you okay?” he says cupping my cheeks as his thumbs rub across my cheeks in a soothing manner, wiping away tears as they fell.

“yes i’m okay”

“good i’m glad” he says as he lifts me onto the counter away from the shards and stands between my legs. “i’m not upset about the mug baby. yes it was my favorite mug but only because i know you made it and i loved how excited you were that you made a mug on your first try making pottery. it melted my heart that you could have made anything and you immediately thought to make something for me. it was the thought and love that went into the mug that made me love it. things are replaceable no need to get upset i’m glad you didn’t get hurt. i appreciate you putting the dishes away you didn’t have to do that”

“you had a busy week i just wanted you to relax and not have to deal with the dishes but then i made a whole scene and- and i- your mug” my voice falters, eyes still watery.

“nope don’t wanna hear it pretty girl i’m not upset or mad don’t worry about it okay. i’ll clean it up. how about for our next date we do pottery huh how’s that sound? then i can make you something too i have ideas already”

“i love you thank you for being so gentle with me and my silly feelings”

“i’d never get upset or over something like this or anything really. it’s not silly for you to be upset over this i know you were proud of it you’re allowed to be sad. i love you and i think it’s beautiful that you have the capacity to feel things so deeply” he wraps his arms around body one arm holding my head to his chest as he plants kisses to my hair.

i love the way he loves me

taglist: @antisocialties @iluvmatt @dwntwn-strnlo @fake-coolbeans @opheliaofficial07 @angelcake-222 @oneirophobic @strniolo @lollibumblebee @ssturniolo @20nugs @strniolo @abbie13sworld @luvsturniolo

[wannabeschyulersister]

so long, chicago

Without the warmth of your things in the apartment, it looked sad and cold. The boxes that you packed were stacked along the hallway. Movers were scheduled to help you in the next hour.

Your belongings would be traveling across the country with you following.

After one last sweep of the apartment to make sure you weren’t forgetting anything, you stood at the large bay window facing the city. A city that you once considered home.

You’d miss Chicago. You’d miss the people that you’d met. The connections that you formed. The memories. The laughter.

The sound of the front door opening snapped you out of your thoughts. You turned and saw Carmen walk in. You didn’t expect for him to be home anytime soon. You’d hoped that you could avoid the last interaction.

“Hey.” You said softly.

He nodded, “I thought you’d be halfway outta town by now.”

“The movers should be here any minute.”

Carmen took off his coat and placed it on the right hook near the door. Yours would normally go on the left but it was currently sitting on top of one of your suitcases.

“Richie said you stopped by the restaurant last night.”

“Yeah, I wanted to tell him goodbye.”

“I guess that’s nice.”

“You guess?”

“What do you expect for me to say, (Y/n)? I love that you’re abandoning me and everyone you’ve met here?”

“Abandoning you?” You couldn’t believe that he really said that.

“We’ve been together for six fuckin’ years! One day you wake up and realize you don’t want to be with me anymore out of the fuckin’ blue!”

“Out of the blue?,” you raised your voice, “Carmen, I dreaded making that decision for months! You were so out of touch that you didn’t even realize that we had stopped acting like a couple long before I ending things.”

Carmen chuckled bitterly, “That’s not true.”

You hadn’t planned on leaving on ugly terms with Carmen. If anything, you wanted it to be civil. You were huge parts of each other’s lives. Under all of the pain and heartbreak, there was love.

“I was the only person trying in this relationship. You would get home at one or two in the morning and I’d try waiting around just so we can have a conversation after not seeing each other all day. I planned date nights and tried to pry you out of that kitchen to notice that I was practically falling apart at the seams!” You confessed. It hurt you that he hadn’t even noticed.

“Relationships are hard! That why you have to make them work!” Carmen was visibly upset at how the conversation was going.

“I was the only one fighting for this, Carmen! When was the last time you bought me flowers or texted me to see how my day was going? I barely even heard an ‘I love you’.”

“I do love you. So much that I don’t want you to go and move to San Diego. You belong here with me and- and with your friends. People that care about you!”

“Sometimes love isn’t enough. I’m tired, Carmen. Tired of feeling like I don’t mean shit to you. I need to be with someone that wants to be with me. I want someone that won’t make me feel alone when we are together.”

Carmen closed the space between you two. It was the closest he’d been to you in days. He still smelled of the cologne that you bought him for Christmas with a faintness of the cigarette he must’ve smoked before.

“I thought we’d spend the rest of our lives together.” He said softly.

“If you thought so, then why aren’t we married? I’ve had friends in shorter relationships that have taken the next step. I’ve waited for so long for you to ask me to be your wife and every anniversary that passes, I know that it’s not going to happen. I don’t want to leave. I really loved living here. This felt like home more than any place I’ve lived in, but I can’t stay here.”

“I’ve been a fuckin’ selfish asshole. I’m sorry. You don’t know how sorry I am. Please, I’ll make things up to you. I’ll change.”

“And when things get hard? When you get busy and stressed at the restaurant, then what? It goes back to how things were? I can’t put myself through that. I can’t take that chance.” It killed you seeing him so upset but when you broke up with him, it was like you could breathe again.

You were becoming the person that you used to be. You didn’t want to sacrifice yourself for someone else that didn’t give you the time of day.

Three knocks to the front door made you step away from Carmen. You opened the door and saw the movers with a dollie and a couple of extra boxes.

“Excuse me.” You felt Carmen grab his coat and brush past you. Part of you wanted to chase him down and wrap your arms around him. You didn’t want the last image you had of him to be so hurt.

As you watched the movers grab your boxes and take them down to the awaiting truck, you grabbed the letter that you wrote for Carmen. You planned to leave it on the kitchen counter.

You didn’t know if he’d even read it. Maybe he would rip it up into tiny pieces. Maybe he would read it over and over again.

It wasn’t up for you to wonder. You were at peace with your decision and that’s all that mattered.

[avpdpossum]

one of the most frustrating parts of avpd for me is that i can get so angry — i mean want-to-put-my-fist-through-a-wall-or-maybe-a-face angry, have-to-stop-myself-from-crashing-my-car angry, like scary angry — and i can’t do anything about it. i’d bet most of the people who know me would laugh at the idea of me being that angry because it’s so far off from anything i could ever express.

not that i would want to act on those urges, but i can’t even say that i’m angry out loud, much less raise my voice or god forbid slam a door. it just all builds up inside of me until there’s so much of it that it gets violent and i spend hours just sitting there with my eyes closed imagining what it’d feel like to scream at the top of my lungs or destroy everything in my room or leave with no intention of ever coming back again. all i can do is fantasize about what it would feel like to be angry the way everyone else gets to be angry until it gets so bad that it’s not just the way everyone else gets angry, it’s something worse than that. my therapist once told me she thought i needed to learn how to get angry, and i didn’t know how to tell her that i can get angrier than she would ever believe, it just lives inside my head and never gets to come out the way everyone else’s does.

and if you’ve never felt it, you can’t even imagine the kind of resentment that turns into, the way you start to hate everyone around you so much you want to see them hurt or even dead, because why do they get to be loud and angry and show it off to the world when you can’t? how dare they be so goddamn frustrating and piss you off so much when you know deep down that they would hate you for ever showing it?

i’ve imagined the catharsis of getting loud and destructive since i was little because something furious has been burning the inside of my mind for my entire life and it will never stop because it will never have anywhere to go. it makes me feel like a horrible person, like the kind of person who might just snap one day and do something awful, and i guess i just have to live with that.

[oopwoop]

Their Reaction To You Getting/Saying You Want A Piercing

pairings: e!42! & e!1610 Miles Morales, Hobie Brown, Pavitr Prabhakar, Gwen Stacy, Peter B. Parker (platonic)

warning(s): swearing, unedited!

im back on my grind 💪 (sorry for not posting recently, had no motivation)

e!1610! Miles Morales

stared in surprise for a bit until he heard you call out his name. He didn’t mean to zone out and stare, or make you insecure, he was just surprised when he saw you got a piercing. you didn’t say anything about getting one or anything. he thinks you look amazing though! (he always will no matter what)

asks if he can touch it unless it’s a tongue piercing, if it’s too sensitive or sore. he understands. shouldn’t mess with it too much otherwise it won’t heal as well.

reminds you everyday to clean it with saline water. twice a day! or however much/long the piercer said.

tells you that you should get a black and red one depending on the type it is.

“woahhh..” Miles gasped quietly as he stared in awe for the next few moments, snapping it out of it when he heard his name. he felt bad when he noticed the nervous look on your face.

“is it bad? do you you not like it?” you asked sadly, upset that he may not like it. sure, you got the piercing because you wanted it but it’d still be nice to know that Miles thought it looked well.

he gave you a shocked look, shaking his head. he grabbed your hand comfortingly and kissing your cheek, careful not to touch your piercing depending on where it is.

“no, no! it looks wonderful. you look wonderful! suits you very well.” he whispered lovingly and kissing your cheek again. it’s good to know he liked it. he really does think you look amazing.

e!42! Miles Morales

did a double take. not out of disgust but more so out of surprise. usually when you get something done or are going out he gives you money, even though he knows you are fully capable he enjoys spoiling you. so it was a surprise when you came over with a brand new piercing that he didn’t know about or pay for.

tells you look good and just goes about what he was doing. doesn’t make a huge deal of it. though, a few minutes later he does ask why you didn’t say anything about it.

also reminds you to clean it, or at least s asks if you did everyday until it’s healed.

will buy you all the jewelry you want for it. will even buy a few he thinks matches his vibe, hoping you wear them. if not he’s not butt hurt or anything, though.

“looks good.” he hums out nonchalantly before returning to what he was doing beforehand. you respond with your thanks. the next few minutes are spent in a comfortable silence, the two of you enjoying each others company until Miles breaks it.

“so, why didn’ you say anythin’? i’d give you the money for it.” he questions, raising a brow as he turns to you. usually you tell him about stuff like this and he gives you money for it.

“mmm, just felt like it, y’know? wanted to treat myself for once. not that i don’t love you spoiling me but it feels nice once and a while to gift myself something.” you explain to him as he nods in understanding.

“yeah i get it.. next time ‘m payin’ though, got it?” he states firmly. you know he’s gonna find a way to pay for your next one for sure.

Pavitr Prabhakar

beyond excited when he noticed it. gasped super loudly when he saw it and rushed over to you. just like the other two, he had no idea of this happening. he also asks you a thousand questions about it.

showered you in compliments on how good you look, how it fits you perfectly, all of it. also showers you in soft kiss around your face, being really careful not to mess with the piercing as he’s worried to hurt you on accident.

he also reminds you to wash it everyday. setting reminders on his phone to text or call you. or if y’all are together he’ll help wash it if he can, being as gentle as possible. he has a bottle of saline spray at his house for whenever you’re over and need to clean it.

sends you pictures of jewelry he sees when he’s out and about, asking if you’d like it. if so he will definitely buy it for you. does not care about the price. if he doesn’t have enough now he’ll save up for it. (jewelry is expensive 😃)

“woah! you look so good! when did you get it? did it hurt?” Pavitr said happily and he rushed over to you, grabbing your cheeks softly to examine the piercing closer.

you chuckle at his antics, grabbing his wrists so you could pull his hands away to be able to speak properly. “slow your roll, Pav. i got it today and it hurt as much as i thought it would.”

“absolutely gorgeous. i knew you’d rock it, even though you never told me. why didn’t you tell me?” he continues to chatter fast, it was hard to keep up with him. he was just excited for you though. he knew you’d only get a piercing if you really wanted it.

“wanted to surprise you.” you smiled at him as he started to peck your face with a bunch of soft kisses. you didn’t think he’d be this excited over a piercing.

Gwen Stacy

was surprised when you said you wanted a piercing but was excited for you. she helps set up the appointment and everything, goes with you for comfort if needed, let’s you squeeze her hand as well.

if you let her, she’d pick out the one you get. she wouldn’t suggest one that hurts really bad though, depending on your pain tolerance.

definitely picks out the jewelry for it if you let her. it’d be a soft pink or blue fs.

so, she has her brow pierced so i feel like maybe she might get more piercings. maybe like her septum or a normal nose piercing, yeah? if it’s around the same time you got your piercing she’d set an alarm for the both of you and if you’re together at the time you’d clean it together or she’d ft you and y’all would do it on call

Incoming FaceTime Call From

gwendy ❤️

Answer Ignore

you decided to answer the call and when you did all you saw was her eyes and up until a few moments later. Her face popped into the screen, a huge smile as she noticed you answered.

“i’m assuming you already know what time it is, yeah?” she shook the can of saline in a jazz-hands gesture, chuckling as you rolled your eyes playfully.

“yeah, yeah.. just let me get to my bathroom.. you always call me when i’m in bed and comfy” you sigh, your tone whiney and exaggerated.

“oh boo-hoo.. you’ll be okay. now get your butt up and go clean your piercing. don’t want an infection, do you?” gwen raised a brow at you. her expression felt similar to a judge-y mothers.

Hobie Brown

when you said you wanted a piercing he was more than willing to do it himself, free of charge. all of his have either been done my someone he’s friends with (for free) or himself. he’s got all the supplies needed and knows how to do most piercings. you wouldn’t be the first person he’s given them to.

if you do let him do it, it’ll be the same as if you were to have gone to a trained professional. just more.. homey? sure it’s a little more risky, but think about it, it’s free of charge (it’s expensive, my septum was $100), plus it’s with someone you know and should by now trust

if you go to a professional he doesn’t really care. it’s your money you’re spending.

totally steals jewelry for you if you wanna change it out once it’s healed. helps you clean it, as well. he knows the perfect way to clean it well so it doesn’t get infected.

“d’ya want me t’ do it? cuz i can, free of charge too, luv.” hobie suggested when you said you wanted a piercing. you weren’t sure if you should take up his offer. he could tell you were hesitant about it so he continued on.

“i’ve done a good few piercings b’fore. some of my own, actually. y’ can trus’ me, promise.” that helped you feel a little better. his looked so good so that must mean he’d be able to do yours even better. especially because doing a piercing on another seems easier than doing one on yourself.

“yeah.. okay sure, i’ll let you do it. but if you fuck it up I won’t be happy..” you glared at him, letting him lead you to the living room of your place to sit and get ready.

“y’won’ hafta worry ‘bout bein’ angry, luv cuz i won’ fuck it up.” he chuckled deeply as he got the needed supplies ready and kissed your forehead.

Peter B. Parker (my first time writing him so sorry if it sucks 🫢)

was probably the most surprised of all. he doesn’t care that you got one, not at all, he’s just surprised you didn’t say anything. your like a kid to him, you tell each other almost everything.

definitely pats you on the shoulder or back and tells you that it looks good and suits you well.

randomly gifts you new jewelry for it. it’s usually stuff he thinks fits you well or one he knows you’ve been looking at. how does he get the money for it? begs MJ until she says yes. though she says yes really quickly because she loves you like a kid as well.

i feel like he can be really forgetful with some things so he’s not as consistent as the others to remind you to clean it. it’ll be more here and there that he reminds you

“when did that happen..?” he says slowly, mouth agape in surprise. “you never told me about that. we tell each every.” peter mutters with a pout, sad you didn’t tell him about this.

“oh this?” you say, pointing to the piercing, “just got it a bit ago. wanted it to be a surprise. does it look good..?”

he just chuckled and walked up to you, patting you on the back firmly. what is with dads and their firm pats? “looks great, kid. suits you very well. you think i’d rock one? i should totally get one, yeah?”

“uhm, yeah, if you want mj to leave you then you should, old man..” you joke with him and return you get a gasp from him.

“i’m not old! and she wouldn’t leave me. i’d look amazing, even better than you!”

[auratux]

Opinions on how the Bll characters would react when you tell them that you’re afraid that you’re holding them back? And you know the ‘you deserve better’ insecurities.

omgomg I love this 🥹🫶

includes: Bachira, Isagi, Kunigami, Rin, Chigiri and Nagi

warnings: angst, hurt comfort (if I labeled that right..)

Bachira Meguru

He’d be real sad that you even thought about that in the first place

It makes him think to himself if he never gave you enough reassurance or showed his appreciation to you

He’d want you to tell him why you felt that way in the first place and hopefully, you two could come to an understanding. He was big on communicating.

“I can’t keep holding you back, Meguru,” you whisper pitifully, staring down at your hands that were enveloped in his. “You have to focus on your future.”

“What makes you think that, honey?” He asks gently. His heart aches to see you in this state and wishes he could take all your pain and put it on his shoulders. “Please tell me.”

“You’re so close to reaching your dream and becoming pro and it feels that I’m the one who is stopping you from pursuing and taking the spot on the national team. If it were my fault that you didn’t go, I’d hate myself.”

“Do I make you feel that way..?”

“No!” You shake your head. “It’s me thinking that. I just don’t want to be that person who stops you from doing what you want most.”

“Darling..” his finger curls under your chin, tilting your head up. His yellow orbs staring into your own— your irises gleaming from the tears that fall. “If anything, you’re the reason why I’m pushing to go pro. If it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t be where I’m at. I can’t do it without you. I need you with me.”

“R-Really..? You mean that?”

“Every word. You’re my rock and I can’t do this without you. Please don’t think you’re holding me back. You’re motivating me to be the best version of myself.”

Isagi Yoichi

At first, he doesn’t believe you and thinks you’re joking but once he notices your tear-stained face he snaps out of it.

Isagi knows what it’s like to feel like you’re holding people back — he felt that way years ago when he played with his school team.

He feels that he’s not the best comforter with words but he knows that him being there for you and listening is more than enough — and you feel that way too

"I just can't stand the fact that I feel as if I'm holding you back from what you really want, Yoi. I feel like a burden"

And an arrow pierces right through his heart. His mouth is agape as he listens to you pour your heart out on the couch in the middle of the night. Prior, you were both enjoying a movie while cuddling when suddenly you said that you couldn't do it.

"You aren't a burden.."

"Then why do I feel like one?" you whimper, your sad eyes glaring into his own. "I feel like a failure of a girlfriend who can't even let her boyfriend do what he wants!"

Just like that, you break down in front of him for the second time that night. He hates the position he put you in. He never realized or never intentionally wanted you to feel this way. For all he knew, he felt that you guys were on the same page.

His ray of sunshine that could brighten up any dull room was now surrounded by dark grey clouds of doubt and insecurity.

"come here," he mutters, placing a hand on your shoulder and running it down your back, bringing you close to him. His other hand strokes the back of your head. His lips press against the top of your head, listening to your muffled cries.

"Listen, I know we both know I'm not the best comforter, but I'll always try my best to put a smile on your face. I don't want you to have these thoughts and I'm glad you could tell me. But know, I wouldn't be here without you, and damn won't continue without you."

Kunigami Rensuke

when you approached him with a teary expression he immediately goes into protective mode. who did it? Where were they? does he know them? doesn't matter, he's gonna get to the bottom of it

but when you tell him what's upsetting you, he goes straight to comforting you and relieving you from the doubts surrounding your mind

"I know how much you worked and how far you pushed for this and I feel that you could reach your full potential without me here. I mean, maybe you have to go on without me and start a new chapter..."

"Is that how you truly feel?"

"yes," you whisper pitifully, refusing to meet his eyes. you aren't sure what he's thinking and honestly, you want to keep it that way. it would hurt too much to find out if he's looking down at you with disgust or thinking you're insane.

"look at me."

A small noise in refusal and a shake of your head is your response. He lets out a small sign and scoots closer to you, squeezing your bare thigh. "Come on, don't be that way."

"Why aren't you mad?"

"Mad?" he asks in confusion. "Why would I be mad?" His question now caught you off guard as you snap up to look at him. His eyes soften once he notices a tear trailing down the swell of your cheek and down your chin.

"Because I just implied I'm holding you back."

"So why would I-" he starts then silences. "Do you think this is the most important thing to me?"

"Kinda yeah.."

"No," he lets out a small chuckle, a smile breaking out onto his lips. "you got it all wrong."

"How?" you whisper. "It's basically your dream."

"My dream? Football is dandy and all but it's not going to be here forever. My real dream is to be able to spend every moment with you. You're the most important thing to me. Don't think otherwise."

Chigiri Hyoma

when you tell him how you feel, he feels guilty and gets to the point where he almost starts crying with you.

he wants nothing more than to whisk you into his arms and calm you down and remove those awful thoughts away.

eventually, he's gonna need reassurance in the end since he feels he failed you as a boyfriend

"Are you holding back because you're worried about your leg? Or you don't want to go far because of me?"

That question caught him off guard when you guys were getting ready for bed. Never in his life had Chigiri thought that you would think something as silly as that. At least he never had a reason to think that, unless he gave you that impression.

Once that question was released into the air, it led to a discussion that ended with both of you crying. You were crying because you were apologizing for asking such and felt guilty for even thinking it. He was crying due to your crying.

He hated to see it. He wasn't an emotional guy, he was quite reserved for the most part. It was always guaranteed for him to cry when you did. It was like a trigger for him.

"I'm so sorry, my love. I never wanted to make you feel insecure. In fact, I'm supposed to do the opposite and make everything feel better."

“No, Hyoma, I’m sorry for asking that question. I don’t know what came over me to ask it but I’m sorry.”

His pink locks sway with the shake of his head. His hand brings the back of your head closer to his chest and suddenly you guys are starting to rock back and forth slowly.

“You have every right to be asking questions like that. Please don't apologize for asking. I'm not upset you asked it."

"Are you sure...?"

"yes darling," he whispers, his cheek pressing up against the crown of your head. "I'm sorry."

"Why are you apologizing to me?"

"Because I wish I never gave you that impression and wish you can see how much I can accomplish with you by my side. You're not going anywhere. I need you."

Nagi Seshiro

hearing the words come out of your mouth distracts him from his game which results in him turning it off and looking at you in disbelief

he wasn't sure if you meant it actually considering you knew how lazy he was to do anything but regardless, he gave you his full undivided attention

"you deserve better than me."

"There's no one I want. I want you."

you sign, wiping your eyes with the back of your hand. "you're only saying that to make me feel better."

"Yeah that's kind of what I was going for, but I truly mean it. Believe me. I only want you." Nagi reaches for your hand, tugging you closer to his body. His hand trails down to your waist, giving a gentle squeeze.

"I don't want anyone else wearing my jersey and being my personal cheerleader. It makes me feel like I'm the best player in the world."

"You mean that...?"

"Mhm," he nods. "Without you, I don't know what I would be doing if I'm being honest. I'd probably be cooped up in my room and play games."

"You do that already..."

"Yeah, but this is different, honey. I'd be doing that alone and playing football. Doesn't that sound boring?"

"Well, I guess it does," you mumble, playing with the end of his shirt.

"What I'm trying to say is that there is no one else I want. There's no one who could replace you. You're my everything. I want to do all of those things, with you. Only you."

Itoshi Rin

at first, he doesn't know what to do.

what you're telling him reminds him of how he felt all those years ago with his brother. Unlike you, Rin's support system was no longer present and he wouldn't put you in that same position.

"I'm just confused where you got this feeling from. Am I neglecting you?"

"No, Rin. It's just when I met you, football was all you ever spoke about. Hell, it was practically your life and even after we got together you talked about it when we were alone. I just feel that you can't achieve what you want with me here..."

And there it was.

After his brother had left him behind all those years ago, it still affects him today. He never knew he dragged those feelings with him into your relationship.

No doubt Rin felt anger when his older brother left. He had some regrets and the majority of those regrets were not telling his brother how it made him feel.

Did Rin have to leave you behind in order to grasp his dreams?

Suddenly all those feelings long ago washed over him. Guilt, sadness, and anger welled up in his head to the point where he was even suffocating in his own thoughts.

"I'm sorry," he whispers, looking down at his lap. "I never realized I put those thoughts into your head."

"It's okay, Rin. I know you didn't mean it."

"No, it's not okay." He looks back up at you, eyes sadden at your sorrowful expression. He reaches for your hand and gives it a gentle squeeze. "I know how you feel and it's awful. I never wanted you to feel the same way he made me feel."

"Rin..."

"I'm not him," he starts. "I don't want you to leave. I need you here with me. I want you at every game, wearing my jersey and screaming my name. You're my biggest supporter and I wouldn't change it for the world."

[dark-frosted-heart]

Roger Barel Main Route - Chapter 17

As usual, can’t guarantee 100% accuracy on this. I’m doing this for archiving purposes and you can probably find a better translation out there.

(Farewell, Roger…)

A gunshot was heard.

Red scattered before my eyes like rose petals.

—The man in the black hood who held a gun to my head fell to the ground.

(Huh…?)

One by one, the other men fell to the ground. Through the gunpowder smoke, I saw—

Kate: …Ro…ger.

Roger: Kate, you hurt…?!

Roger ran over and cupped my face in his hands. He stared at my face before running his hands along my body, checking for injuries.

Roger: Your arm’s bruised from when that guy grabbed you, but it’s not broken.

(...It really is…Roger)

Roger: …Kate?

When his eyes returned to my face, the tension within me snapped.

Kate: …Roger, Roger…

I clung to his shirt and buried my face in his thick chest.

Roger’s large hand patted my back, the warmth of it making my heart ache.

Roger: …That was scary, wasn’t it?

Kate: …It was…Ugh, I couldn’t…

Roger: That so.

His calm voice soothed my heart, and when he held me tight, I felt happy to be alive.

Nica: Ah, you lived. So, did you shoot them all? You’re a very merciless doctor, aren’t you?

(...Why is Nica)

Jude arrived after.

Roger: Look here, only missed a vital spot on one.

Nica: Ah, he’s close to death, no?

Jude used his foot to tilt the face of the man suffering from a gunshot to the leg up.

Jude: You’re gonna spill everythin’ ya know.

Man in black hood: …If I’m going to get killed anyway…

The ground instantly turned red.

(...)

The man lied motionless, as if drowning in the blood gushing from his neck.

Nica: Ah, he died before we could get him to spill anything. Too bad, we lost a valuable source of information.

Jude: …Tch, ya kill then run away by killin’ yourself. Disgusting.

Roger: …Kate, don’t look.

As I stared at the corpse in a daze, a large hand blocked my vision.

My face was pushed against Roger’s chest and I found myself being lifted up.

Roger: …Let’s go home.

All I could do was give a small nod in response as I tried to hold back the emotions rising within me.

--

After taking all the kidnapped youths back home and returning to Crown castle, Roger saw to my swelling wrist.

By my feet, Ale ate away at his reward meal.

(Why did Roger bring me back to his room and not the lab…?)

But the moment I thought that, I had my answer.

(Ah, I see…I was in a dark place just then, so he’s trying to make me feel less scared)

Roger: Oh right, Kate. See that square door on the floor there?

Kate: Square door? …Ah, there really is one!

While rubbing an ointment on my swollen wrist, he nodded over to the handle sticking up from the floor.

Roger: That’s actually a hidden door—Leads directly to the basement lab.

Kate: Wow! I didn’t know!

Roger: Wasn’t originally part of this room when Victor gave it to me. I made it.

Kate: …You made it? So you just made a hole in the floor…?

Roger: Yeah, if anyone finds out, I’m gonna get a good tongue-lashing. It’s a secret between you and me.

I couldn’t help but laugh at Roger’s own mischievous smile.

Kate: Pfft, ahaha…Geez…Just how much do you value efficiency?

Roger just smiled and, as if to shut the lid on something scary, slammed the medicine box lid shut.

Roger: …You’re finally starting to return to normal.

(Ah…I laughed…)

Roger: Alright, I’m done treating you. You should get some rest.

(I’m only able to laugh like this because of Roger’s help)

As soon as my stiff expression relaxed, I felt all the fear and anxiety slowly melt away.

…Now there’s just the guilt in my heart.

Kate: …-ry. I’m sorry, Roger…

Roger: …? I’d like to hear a “thanks”.

Kate: Sorry…

Despite what he wanted, all I could do was let out my feelings of guilt.

Roger: …Kate?

Kate: At the time…I wanted to kill them. But…My finger, it wouldn’t budge.

They were sinners who have killed, and Crown would have condemned them without any hesitation.

(...I knew that, but still hesitated to take a life)

(I was scared)

Kate: So…I ended up…

Roger: Ended up?

Kate: I ended up…making you kill those people.

Roger: …O_O

(The sin should’ve been mine to bear)

Roger: Kate, though I’ve never killed in front of you, it’s not my first time. So what you’re fretting over is— 

Kate: But…there’s no way you get used to killing people?

Roger: …

Kate: I told you I’d get strong, and I’ve been doing my best, but… But…I’m still weak…

(I couldn’t even run up to and hug Roger on that rainy day)

(I want to be able to support Roger, who’s trying to be strong, even just a little bit)

But I’m still as weak and pathetic as ever.

Roger’s always been the one supporting me.

Kate: Roger, I’m sor…

I couldn’t get the rest of my words out.

Because Roger’s lips had taken my breath away.

Kate: …Ro…Mnnn

Roger: …

When I was about to part my lips to speak, they were sealed again, entwined tongues snatching any thoughts I had away.

Before long, wet sounds could be heard from our lips.

Kate: Mnn, nn…nnn

(My mind’s gone numb…I can’t say anything…)

Anything I was about to say had melted away with the heat of the kiss.

But being hugged close to his broad chest and receiving kisses, as if telling me “that’s enough”—It felt as if all was forgiven.

When our lips finally parted, Roger’s face was so close that I could barely focus on it as I stared.

Roger: Kate, I’m glad I got there in time to shoot them.

Kate: …Huh?

Roger: I’d have to live with leaving you with a permanent scar if I let you kill someone. I’m glad you didn’t kill…Also I’m glad you’re alive, partner.

Kate: Part…ner…?

Did you just say partner? +4 +4

Don’t spoil me.

Am I still your assistant?

Kate: Did you just say partner?

Roger: Partner comes after assistant, doesn’t it?

However, I looked down, unsure if I qualified for it or not.

Roger: I know you were desperately fighting against your own fears to protect the others that got kidnapped. You stood there to protect them instead of yourself. I don’t think someone who fights for the sake of others is weak…Hence the promotion.

Kate: …

And so Roger has saved my heart again.

He allowed me to be myself and cheered me up with a smile of encouragement.

(...I was trying to not cry because I didn’t want to look weak)

Kate: …Uuuuuu

Roger: Oh, what’s up? You’re groaning.

Kate: …Huhu…

Roger: Ah…you’re trying to hold your tears back.

Kate: B-because…You’ve acknowledged me as your partner…I’ll ruin it if I cry.

Roger: Pfft…

Roger burst into laughter.

Kate: Besides, I know my crying face makes you happy.

Roger: Pfft, ahahahaha! You…You’re really…

You’re so damn cute!

The moment I was allowed to expose my weakness, the dam burst and tears spilled out.

Kate: W-waaahhh~ Roger you bully!

Roger: Ahhh, you’re crying. So cute. Pfft, haha…

As expected, Roger smirked as he stared at my face, but…he held my hand the entire time I cried.

(I said I’d never confess because I didn’t want it to be unrequited)

(But I admit it. I like Roger)

(I fell in love with this person)

Roger: When you’re done crying, let’s go out to eat. Your treat.

Kate: I’ve been promoted to partner, so you should treat me…Hic…

Roger: Alright, alright.

The next day, after having a delicious meal and beer with Roger and feeling so happy to be alive—

I visited Victor’s office to report on the incident.

--

Kate: Excuse me.

Victor: Yes, enter.

William: …

When Victor gestured for me to sit on the sofa, William, who was already sitting there, smiled at me.

Victor: First, I would like to apologize for putting you in danger.

Kate: Why are you apologizing? It’s my fault for being cautious. I’m really sorry. And thank you for saving me.

Victor nodded silently and I could see the sympathy on his face.

I was told that he sent out teams to search other locations as well when I got kidnapped.

(Everyone was worried about me…)

I bowed deeply again to express my gratitude to them.

William: Kate, with the criminals dead, your testimony will be an important lead. But speaking about it will be like digging up old wounds, so we won’t force you.

Kate: If any information I have will be of use, then I’ll tell everything I can. This is also part of my job as Fairytale Keeper.

—I told the two everything that happened.

Victor: It seems that the criminals were working for someone that wanted the bodies.

William: Your testimony has helped narrow down who they were. The criminals who kidnapped you—they’re a group of funeral directors.

Kate: A group of funeral directors?

William: As the name suggests, they’re a group of people who conduct funerals as their occupation. It seems that they realized the value of corpses, and started doing evil.

Victor: This group must be condemned. No exceptions. And now—Here lies a problem.

Victor’s cold voice caressed my cheeks as he spoke.

Victor: Just who was their employer? They were someone who instilled enough fear for them to prepare corpses and commit suicide.

William: …Fear isn’t the only method to control others, the reverse is also possible.

(The reverse…?)

I didn’t understand what William was muttering to himself.

Victor: We’ll take care of the rest as we’re already investigating it. I won't let this continue on—Absolutely not.

--

Roger turned toward the sound of the door to the basement opening.

Roger: …Ah, Kate. Just—

Alfons: Unfortunately for you, it’s Alfons, not Kate. These documents here are from Victor. At any rate… It’s quite unusual for a man with hearing as good as yours to mistake one person for another, isn’t it?

Roger: Kate’s the only one that comes down here these days.

Alfons: Speaking of, did you know? It has been almost a month since Kate has become Fairytale Keeper.

Though he knew that, some sort of surprise arose in his chest.

Roger: Yeah, it’s...already been a month. Time flies by when you get older.

Alfons: So, how is there any progress to proving that romantic love exists?

Roger: You could say that there’s still not enough research. —However, there’s one thing I noticed.

-

Another cliffhanger :D

[storiesforallfandoms]

too close for comfort ~ eminem

word count: 2541

request?: yes!

“Hi! Can I please request an Eminem x reader? Something angsty like the reader getting jealous about how close him and Skylar are? Thanks!

Hope you enjoy your well deserved break💕”

description: in which she finds herself growing uneasy with how close his friend who happens to be a girl is getting to him

pairing: eminem x female!reader

warnings: swearing, jealousy

masterlist (one, two)

I don’t consider myself a jealous person. I’ve always been very confident in my relationships, especially with Marshall, and I’ve always trusted my partners. I never felt like I had a reason to be jealous before.

And then I met Skylar.

I have no idea what it was about Skylar that was different than the other female artists that Marshall was close friends with. She had been nothing but nice to me from the moment we met, and it wasn’t like she was constantly flirting with Marshall whenever they were together. But there was just something about their friendship that left a bitter taste in my mouth every time they were together.

The first time I met Skylar was on set for a music video for her song with Marshall. I had been excited to meet her because Marshall was always talking about her. I walked onto set with a smile on my face, but it quickly dropped when I saw Skylar almost hanging off of him, a loud laugh from her ringing through the room.

That single moment was somehow enough for me to detest the very thought of Skylar with Marshall. Which was very, very hard when they were such close friends and frequent collaborators. Every time Marshall told me he was going to work with her, I’d have to try and suppress an eye roll or a groan. Sometimes, if I was confident he wouldn’t see me, I wouldn’t suppress the former.

One day, I was a little too confident.

After telling me he was going to meet up with Skylar to write a song, I thought he had left the room, so I openly rolled my eyes and said, “Yeah, okay.”

“What was that about?”

I nearly jumped out of my skin as I looked over and saw that he was still in the lounge doorway, a confused look on his face.

“Nothing,” I lied with a shrug.

“You just rolled your eyes for no reason?” he questioned.

“It was nothing. Just forget I did it.”

“Does it have to do with me going to record with Skylar?”

My irritation was starting to grow. I didn’t want to get upset with him over something I knew was so trivial, but I was already annoyed that he waws going with Skylar and that plus the embarrassment of getting caught was caught me to nearly shake with annoyance.

I stood from the cough. “It was nothing. I’m sorry. I’ll see you when you finish recording.”

I went to walk out of the room, but Marshall grabbed my arm to stop me. “Hey, don’t walk away like that. If something is bothering you, I want to know. Did Skylar say something?”

Hearing him say her name finally caused me to snap. I yanked my arm free from his grasp and glared at him. “She didn’t have to say anything. I can see the way she looks at you, or the way you two act together.”

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”

“It means I fucking know there’s something more than just friendship and professionalism, and I don’t fucking like it!”

Marshall scoffed. He was looking at me like I had three heads, which was making me even more pissed.

“You’re crazy.”

My mouth fell open in shock. I was speechless. I couldn’t believe he said that to me. I mean, I knew I was acting irrationally, but it hurt that his immediate response was to call me crazy instead of trying to comfort me or just simply tell me I was wrong. I was in such shock that I couldn’t even get any words out. I just stood there, mouth agape.

He started getting ready to go, completely ignoring me as I stood there. I watched him grab his jacket and keys and start for the door.

“So, that’s all you have to say?” I said when I finally found my voice. “You’re just going to call me crazy and leave? Not even going to tell me I’m wrong?”

“If something seems crazy to me, I call it like I see it. Why should I have to tell you it’s wrong? Why can’t you just trust me?”

“I trust you. It’s her I don’t trust.”

“Jesus Christ, (Y/N), she hasn’t done anything! I don’t know what you think is going on, but you are fucking crazy to think anything.”

Before I could say anything else, Marshall left, slamming the door behind him as he went. I listened to his car start up and realized I had tears welling up in my eyes. When I knew for sure he was gone and not coming back, I went up to his bedroom. I grabbed the first bag I could find and started shoving my stuff into it.

Once every last item that I owned was packed away, I went out to my car. I sat in the driver’s seat for a moment. The flood gates officially opened and I let myself have a moment to sob into my steering wheel. My heart was telling me to go back inside and pretend like this whole night hadn’t happened, but my brain screamed louder, telling me to go back to my own apartment and hope Marshall got the message when he came home and found my stuff gone. The way I acted may have been irrational, but what he said had cut deep, and his lack of concern over how he hurt me told me everything I needed to know.

When I arrived home, I tossed the bags of stuff from Marshall’s onto the floor next to my front door and went directly to my room. I flopped down onto my bed, curled up into a ball of misery, and eventually cried myself to sleep.

~~~~~~

I wasn’t sure what time it was when I was brought out of my sleep, but I was sure it was some time close to midnight. I also wasn’t sure what caused me to wake up so suddenly until I realized there was a sound coming from my front door. I was about to go back to sleep until I heard the door open.

Then, I was very awake and very alert.

My heart was hammering against my chest as I quietly got out of bed. I always had a bat hidden away in my room for times like this, so I grabbed it and held it tightly in my hand as I pressed my back against the wall. I could hear footsteps approaching and a sliver of light came into the room from my living room. Whoever had came in was ballsy enough to start turning on the lights despite not knowing whether or not anyone was home. Or maybe they didn’t care if they alerted anyone of their presence.

The footsteps started getting closer and I held the bat up over my head, ready to swing if they walked in. Before I could make my move, a familiar voice called out my name and the light to my room was switched on, revealing that the intruder was none other than Marshall.

“Fuck!” he exclaimed when he saw me stood next to the door, bat over my head, ready to attack him if he hadn’t spoken before walking in. “What the fuck are you doing?”

“What the fuck am I doing?!” I spat back. “What the fuck are you doing?! You can’t just enter a woman’s house in the middle of the night with no warning! I thought you were an intruder!”

“I’m sorry, but I did knock and there was no answer. I’ve been texting and calling you for hours and you haven’t answered, so I came over to see if you were here.”

I looked down at my phone and saw that I had dozens of texts and missed call notifications from Marshall. I was shocked I had managed to sleep through them all. I must’ve been tired to not even hear him when he knocked.

“Well,” I said, “I’m fine. You can go.”

I turned out my light and started back to bed, but Marshall quickly turned it back on. “That’s it? You haven’t been answering any of my calls or texts for hours, I was worried sick, and all you have to say it that I can leave?”

“I was asleep, Marshall. I didn’t hear my phone go off. But now you know that I’m fine and you don’t have to be here anymore. So you can just go home now.”

I could see the look in his eye that told me he was going to be too stubborn to leave. So, I decided to be stubborn back. I turned off my light again and got into bed with my back to him. Maybe I could just fake being asleep until he left.

But I knew it was going to be a lot harder than that when I felt the bed dip behind me under his weight as he sat down.

“Why did you take all your shit?” he asked.

I sighed. “Can’t this wait till the morning?”

“No, it can’t, because I don’t know if you’re going to answer my calls in the morning. You just up and left while I was at the studio. No text, no note, nothing. I came home and all your stuff was gone and I couldn’t get ahold of you. I was worried sick, (Y/N).”

“Sorry but I thought maybe you wouldn’t want a crazy girlfriend.”

There was silence. I didn’t think the tension in the room could get any thicker than it was, but my comment made it so thick that you probably couldn’t even cut it with a butcher knife. I stayed in my position with my back to him. I didn’t think I could keep my emotions in check and I wasn’t about to let him see me upset.

“I’m sorry I called you crazy,” Marshall said, finally breaking the silence.

I finally rolled over to look at him. My eyes adjusted enough to the dark that I could see the look of sincerity on his face.

“That hurt so much, Marshall,” I said. “I know I was being irrational, but you just jumped to call me crazy. No reassurance that I was wrong, that there was nothing between you and Skylar. No remorse for saying that to me. You just called me crazy and left.”

“I know. It was wrong. I shouldn’t have resorted to saying shit like that. I was just...I was pissed because it was like you were mad at me about something but you wouldn’t tell me what it was, and then you started saying shit about me and Skylar and it just made me more pissed because, to my knowledge, Skylar has never showed that type of interest in me, and I definitely don’t see her that way. She’s one of my closest friends, but that’s where it ends.”

I could feel the familiar jealous feeling brewing in my stomach, but I tried to keep it at bay. Now was not the time to let the green monster come out, especially when it was the reason for us to be in this mess in the first place.

Marshall laid down next to me, propping himself up on his elbow. I rolled onto my side to face him as well. He reached for me, but hesitated for a moment. When I showed no sign of pulling away from him, he placed his hand on my hip and traced the skin with his thumb. It was a comforting touch that I think both of us needed in that moment.

“When I went to the studio I was still pissed,” he explained. “Skylar could obviously see something was wrong, so I told her. At the time, I was still in this headspace where I thought you were crazy for ever thinking there could be something between us. But she kind of broke it down for me.”

I raised an eyebrow at him. “How so?”

“Well, I’ve known Skylar for a lot longer than I’ve known you. Like, over a decade. We started as just songwriting partners, but then when she started making her own music and started being featured on mine, or writing more for me and touring with me, we became actual friends. Nothing more, there’s never been anything between us, but I consider her almost like family at this point. And she said that, whether you realize it or not, you might be feeling insecure about your position in my life versus hers since we haven’t known each other or been together as long as she and I have known each other.”

Now that he was saying it like that, it did make a lot of sense. I knew that Skylar was just a friend, I had known that leading up to meeting her. It wasn’t until I saw them together that I started getting jealous, but when I saw them together they were...well, they were close. She was laughing at his jokes, she could make him laugh on camera despite his cold public persona, they talked and joked about things I could never understand. They had a history, one that I could only dream I’d have with Marshall.

“Shit,” I said. “She’s fucking smart.”

Marshall chuckled. “She is.”

I sighed and reached out to fiddle with the zipper on Marshall’s jacket that he had kept on when he laid in bed with me.

“She’s nice,” I said. “Like...like really nice. I wanted to like her because there’s no reason not to. It’s like my brain just wouldn’t let me like her and had me convinced that she was the enemy.”

“People do weird shit when they’re in love.”

“Like throwing away an entire relationship because they don’t want to talk about their feelings.”

“Like calling the love of their life crazy instead of having a conversation like an adult.”

A small smile tugged at my lips. “We’re both a little fucked up.”

“That’s why we work so well together.”

I couldn’t help but laugh at this, which resulted in Marshall laughing, too.

I stopped playing with his zipper and moved so I was sitting up. He watched me with curiosity as I started pulling on his jacket. “Sit up and take this off.”

“Why?”

“Because you’re staying tonight.”

He wasted no time in shedding himself of his jacket, tossing it somewhere on the floor. We both realized we were still in our clothes from the day, so he also shed himself of his shirt and jeans, and I took off mine as well. I took his shirt from him to wear as a nightshirt, and the two of us settled down into my bed. We were still laying facing one another, but now I was cuddled up into Marshall’s chest while he ran his hands through my hair.

“I’m sorry for how I acted tonight, too,” I said.

“Shh, it’s okay. We’ve moved past it. You don’t have to apologize anymore.”

I smiled to myself as my eyes slowly drifted shut. I slipped back into unconsciousness in a much better state of mind and in the arms of the man I loved.

[pit-and-the-pen]

My Boy Only Breaks His Favorite Toys

A/N: Part Two to Requited Love

I know people have been waiting for this. And the poll is still active but I couldn’t wait any longer. There are two endings and this is the unofficial (in terms of my ongoing Sunbeam series) Azriel ending but… just bare with me

Read the other ending Here

Warnings: Angst, Hurt/Comfort , implied smut (not with Az)

WC:4.4 K

divider by @cafekitsune

The next morning I was in Rhys office. He barely even looked up from the paper strewn over his desk before I spoke. 

“I’m going back home.” 

He sighed, leaning back into his chair. His eyes raked over me, “Does this have anything to do with why Azriel was so huffy this morning?” His eyebrow raised and I felt the anger I’d been trying to quell since last night rise its head up like a sleeping dragon.

“Fuck off. Let him be mad if he wants to be mad.” I snapped. 

“Mad isn’t exactly how I would put it,” He paused looking at me. “What happened?” The High Lord questioned. I sighed not having the strength to recount the events from last night. 

“Nothing but the inevitable.” he frowned at my non-answer but didn’t press any harder. 

“I’ll miss you. We all will.” He said finally. I nodded. 

“You all should visit.” Not an I’ll visit. No. If I could avoid it I would never step foot into this miserable court ever again. 

I was gone by mid-morning. Mor had helped me winnow the things I wanted to take with me. What they did with the rest wasn’t any of my concern. Rhys or Feyre had bought it all for me anyways, let them decide what to do with their money. 

Once I had gotten settled into my room, I hugged Mor goodbye and thanked her for her help. She just gave me a tighter hug and told me she would visit soon. 

It was two weeks before I could see Helion.Two weeks of settling back into my court that I loved so dearly. Helion

 He was visiting Dawn court for some trade agreement that needed to be signed. I came by every day, asking if he’d returned you. His second would just silently shake her head at me. And I would stomp back to my room like an angry babe. 

Two weeks of checking before I finally saw her nod her head and I had to stop myself from running into Helions office. I had the control to at least knock on the door but not much else. I quickly shut the door behind me as he called me in. 

“Sunbeam!” He called out when saw my face. “I had hoped the rumors of you moving back home were true.” He walked around the desk and gave me a brisk hug. Very out of character for him. 

“You’re not an easy man to schedule an appointment with, Helion.” I smiled warmly at the High Lord of my court. 

“If you wanted a piece of me, you only had to say the words and I would have come running darling.” There's the flirt I remember. I thought, rolling my eyes.

“But judging by your urgency in requesting a meeting that my second expressed to me, I’m going to assume that’s not what you wanted to see me for.”

My smile dropped as I braced myself for the question I needed to ask him.

“I need you to break a mating bond”

His mouth fell open. For once in my life, Helion was speechless. “I don’t know if I can even do that. Are you sure that’s what you want?” His eyes saw right through me. I threw my head back, a sad laugh bubbling past my lips. 

“Yes. No. Gods I don’t know. I just don’t want it to hurt like this forever.” I felt treacherous tears starting to fall down my face. Helion grabbed my arms gently before I could wipe them away. 

“I know you well enough to know that you don’t run away from hard things.” He held me against his chest as I really started to sob. 

“Helion. Every second that I’m away from him it kills me. I’m over here dying inside over some male who only ever saw me as a second option.” 

“Then he’s an idiot. But the mother still saw fit to make you two mates. Give it some more thought, you’re clearly still not fully decided. I’ll do some research to see if it’s even possible and if you still want to, I’ll be here to help.” I nodded my thanks into his shirt. He takes my head between his hands and uses his thumbs to wipe the tears still streaking down my face. He gives me a gentle kiss on the top of my head before I walk out of the room. 

Helion was powerful, but apparently not powerful enough to break a mating bond. Many had tried but no one had ever successfully achieved it without one or both parties dying. As much as I resented Azriel, I didn’t want to kill him, nor myself to be rid of him. So I would just keep ignoring that little golden feeling in my chest, the feeling that seemed to be growing more everyday. 

I fell into a familiar routine back in the Day Court. I took up my old job as a researcher. My days were spent surrounded by the massive libraries of my home court. People would come to us with questions and it was our job to use the knowledge at our disposal to find them answers. It kept me busy at the very least, but I did have to admit that I love doing it. I felt more useful here than I ever had at the Night Court. Pangs of sadness would rip through me when someone snarked in a way that made me think of Cassian. When someone would smirk and I could only picture Rhysand standing in front of me as he beat me in chess. The art was so beautiful that I longed to show Feyre if only to see that twinkle in eye as she dissected the colors and shading used. 

Worst of all, I truly did miss Azriel. Time had given my anger less of an edge. Thinking of him didn’t hurt the way it once had. Didn’t have me spiraling in on myself until I was nothing more than sobs. I still wasn’t ready to forgive him but I wasn’t angry anymore and that had to count for something right? And it had nothing with the small feelings I would occasionally receive from the other end of the bond. I don’t know if he was consciously doing it or if it was purely because of the depth of the emotions he felt. 

I stopped looking for ways to sever the bond between us. Content with just letting it sit unreturned in my chest for the rest of my very long life. 

Someone calling my name pulled me from my musing. One of the messengers, Dia, smiled brightly up at me. “Hey sunbeam. Helion asked me to deliver this to you.” I took the golden envelope from her. I thanked her and she turned around, leaving me back to my books. 

I slid my finger under the seal and pulled out the letter. He was flirty even in a letter. He had requested that I accompany him to the latest ball he was hosting. Helion, ever the charmer, even placed boxes for me to check yes or no. I giggled to myself at the juvenile nature of it, but checked yes with the quill sitting next to me. 

The ball was just a few days away and I was so excited as dress after dress were brought into my room for me to try on. The one that ended up catching my eye was a floor length glossimer dress, such a pale golden color it looked almost like sunlight itself. The bottom was dyed a light pink color that flowed into it seamlessly. It took my breath away as the last button snapped into place. It fit like a glove and I knew instantly this was the dress I had to wear. 

Facing the mirror, I was blown away by the person standing in front of me. I didn’t recognize her. My hair was pinned up into a flowing updo at the base of my neck. I caught eyes in the mirror and whirled around to see Helion racking his eyes over my figure.

He let out a low whistle and I blushed, adjusting my tiara. I walked over to him and he held out his hand for me, twirling me around dramatically when I took it. “No one will be able to take their eyes off of you, Sunbeam.” His eyes hungirly raked over me, “If you ever reconsider my offer. I would take you to bed in a heartbeat. Just say the words.” I pushed his shoulder, I didn’t doubt his words. 

“Keep your pants on Helion. We have a ball to get to.” 

“I’m High Lord. I can be late.” His pupils had dilated and I rolled my eyes, pushing him out the door before I linked my arm into his. 

The ball was as lavish as I had expected. There was much to celebrate and this was mostly to welcome the new High Lord. Eris. Beron had finally died a few months back and Eris had officially stepped into the role with grace. The autumn court once known for its cruelty seemed to be taking a new direction and as I talked to nobility from the court, it was for the better. I had gotten to know him over the years, his frequent visits to the Night Court, plus a few flirty exchanges that I always brushed off, while he was helping us during the war softened me to him. Learning the true events of that night with Mor. 

I locked eyes with Eris across the room. He had been heartbreakingly handsome when he was just High Fae but as a High Lord? His hair had grown slightly longer, just touching his shoulders. Dressed in a deep maroon suit that showed off every single one of his muscles. The permanent scowl that had been etched into his face had been replaced with a smile that radiated comfort. My feet seemed to move without deciding to. Eris kept his eyes locked onto mine as I got closer. My cheeks heated up under his intense stare. 

“Hi little sunbeam,” Honeyed words wrapped around me. “Seems like you’re no longer hiding in the shadows.” He held out his hand, eyes flickering to the dance floor. I smiled up at him and gently placed my hand in his. 

His touch was firm and the warmth of his power radiated off of him. He clutched my waist, pulling me flush to his front. I felt every plane of his toned body pressed against me and goosebumps broke out across my skin having nothing to do with the temperature in the room. The two of us gilded across the floor. I could feel the eyes of the room on us but I only had eyes for the male in front of me. 

“If I had known you danced this good, I would have pulled you out of that miserable court a long time ago.” He spoke into the shell of my ear.  “I’ll never understand what the Shadowslinger was thinking, even I could smell the mating bond on you. Plus, one look at me with those beautiful doe eyes and I would have been putty in your hands.” He nipped at my earlobe and I felt it deep in my stomach. But I couldn’t help that twinge in my gut that made this feel wrong. Even with all of him pressed up against me. Eris would only have to say the words and any fae in Prythian would be on their knees before them. Even I had to admit he was devastatingly handsome. So I fought against that little voice screaming at me and leaned into his touch more. 

Before I knew what had happened, I felt Eris’ warmth leave me. I shuddered at the new chill in the air. When I looked around, I saw shadows wrapped around my torso, lovingly coiled around my waist. I almost smiled at their weight. 

“Keep your hands off of her.” Azriel growled at the High Lord woh did nothing but smirk at me as I was pulled from the room onto a balcony just outside the ballroom. 

 “You had no right!” I screeched at him, wrenching my arm from his grasp. Anger seethed through me. I felt my palms heat up from the light trying to escape from them. He went to grab my arm and I ripped it back from his reach. “Don’t you fucking dare.” 

“Please.” Was all he said and suddenly it was like that night all over again. Me pouring my heart out and all he could say was please. 

“Please what, Azriel? Is that all you know how to do, beg and plead. For what? Was breaking my heart once not enough for you.” 

“Gods. What do you want me to say?” He ran his hands through his hair. He looked like he was about to lose it. Good. “Do you want to hear how I was fucking terrified. How any good thing that I had ever received had been taken away from me? That when I felt that twinge in my chest, that I knew what it meant but prayed to the gods that it wasn’t that.” I went to start in on him again. “No. Not because of that, because I knew that you were the one person who could utterly destroy me. Mor was a pass time. She was convenient and it would have made sense for us to be together in some capacity. Then Elain showed up. I saw so much of her in you, she was sweet and kind but she wasn’t you. Looking back, I don’t even know why I was so hung up on her. I’m not saying I wasn’t stupid because I was and I said some awful things to you. I said them because I knew that was the only thing that would get you to realize I would never deserve you.” 

“Stop. Just stop. I’m sure you’ve rehearsed this all before but do you actually think I’m stupid enough to believe it?” I spit out between my teeth. 

“No. I don’t think you’re stupid at all. The exact opposite. Yet for some reason you never ended up breaking the bond. Which would have been the smart thing to do. You deserve that, I deserved that.” 

That made me pause. “How did you…Did Helion tell you?” Angry at the idea of Helion running to Azriel with that information. 

“Helion told Rhys who passed it on to me. Rhys explained what would most likely happen if you decided to break it and before he could tell Helion he had lost his mind, I told him if that’s what you wanted to do I would accept that.” He said plainly. A part of me knew he was telling the truth. 

“Don’t be stupid. You would have died if I broke the bond. It wasn’t the same as rejecting it. That type of magic broke the very part of you it formed to.” I couldn’t believe the words coming out of his mouth right now. 

“I know. And I figured that if you were in enough pain to take that risk, to risk you dying, then I should be willing to risk it for a situation I had put us both in.” My mind was reeling at his words.

“That night..” I started, he interrupted me.

“I said the most vile things I could think of. I panicked when you told me about the bond. If you could feel it too, I knew nothing good could have come from that so I pushed you away.” I shook my head, as if I could shake his words away from my ears. 

“You seemed so shocked when I told you.” 

His head sunk down, voice small “I was shocked because no part of me believed, believes, that I deserve you in that way.” When he stepped forward, I didn’t step away. Mind too busy catching up with his words. “Please say something. “ 

I turned my eyes up to look at him. Hazel eyes soft sparkling with unshed tears. I wanted to rip into him. I truly did. Some sick part of me wanted to make him hurt like he had hurt me but I know that wouldn’t fix anything here. 

“You don’t get to do this to me. You don’t get to say all the right things and just have me forgive you. You don’t get to say that you love me after everything you did.” He sighed. Leaning his head on top of mine. I frowned at the contact, but didn’t push him away, refusing to melt into him. “Whatever your reason. You said all those things that you knew would hurt me, you said them and some part of you had to believe them.” 

“I know. There isn’t a day that I don’t regret everything that I said, everything I had put you through over all those years. I took you for granted and I didn’t realize how much I loved you until you were gone.” I wanted to push him back but something in me let his words sink into my bones. Because the moment I looked into his eyes I felt the other side of the bond snap into place. I gasped at the feeling I had spent so long ignoring. The bond seemed to sing in the air around us. My own sunlight flickering under my palms as I felt the sincerity of his words pump through the bond. The feeling was foreign but warm. It wrapped around me like a blanket, soothing my tense muscles. I didn’t realize how much the empty bond had been weighing on my shoulders. 

“You know this doesn’t change anything.” Was all I said and as he looked at me again, I knew that was a lie. “We can’t start over. There's no way to take back everything you said, everything you did” I said once I regained my ability to talk. His face sank completely.”I won’t break the bond. But I’m not accepting it either.” I ignored that kernel of hope I felt from him. 

“I’ll wait as long as it takes.” He leaned closer to me, taking my face in his hands. I didn’t fight him as he tilted my head up to meet his eyes. His eyes flickered to my lips but he just pressed a chaste kiss to the top of my head “I would cut off my own wings if you said it would make you happy.” He swore. A shudder racked through at the sincerity in his words. I pushed out of grasp and walked back down to the ball still in full swing. 

--------------------------

A strong pair of arms wrapped tighter around me as I started to rouse from my dreams. I snuggled deeper into the blankets tucked around me and laughed at the hand starting to creep higher up my naked chest. Rolling over I was met with baby blue eyes. Sol smirked at me as I stopped his wandering hands. “Was last night not enough for you?” I joked and he beamed at me. He rolled me over so I was underneath him

“How could I ever get enough of you?” He started kissing a trail down my neck and I groaned as a rush of desire flooded my veins. Ignoring the tug of anger that followed it. I hooked my leg around Sol’s waist and pulled him down to me. 

I smiled as I walked into work, willing the flush in my cheeks to tame itself as I settled amongst the books still sprawled across my desk. 

“Busy morning?” Aurora said, covering her mouth as she tried to hide her smile. 

“Very.” I returned, laughing at her faux scandalized look. 

“I don’t know how you manage to pull yourself away from him. If that was me I would ri-” 

“Aurora!” I chastised her. Smacking her arm playfully. My mind drifted off to the activities this morning. While we weren’t official, it had become a recurring event of Sol and I waking up tangled in my sheets. I was lucky to get out of the door on time those mornings. He kept pushing for something more solid. But some nagging part of me just couldn’t do it. I hated the idea of leading him, and that wasn’t my intention when this all started. He had caught my eye after that conversation with Azriel at the ball and it took one flirty joke before my lips were crashing against his. 

Sol was sweet and kind. He had been patient with me as I sorted out all of my own shit. Never giving me push back when I shut down the conversation of what exactly I wanted from this. Which I truthfully didn’t ever have an answer for. He put up with me pulling him into my bed night after night but I knew eventually he was going to grow tired of this arrangement. My stomach churned at the thought of now spoiled memories of his hands roaming over my body. I sighed, laying my head against my desk. Letting the cool wood calm my nerves. 

It came later than I had expected it, honestly. He was kinder than I deserved for the months I had led him on. His mate. I could laugh at the irony. But I wished him well with one last searing kiss and that was that. I truly did want the best for him, and I knew that wasn’t me. Not at my current state. 

I retreated into myself after that. Maybe there's something wrong with me. It was hard to keep those thoughts at bay. Everyone always found better things than me. Always the second choice. Those words I had spilled to Azriel had  come from the deepest part of my soul. All the cruel things he said to me were replaying in a loop until I felt tears spilling down my face. 

A frantic knock at my door pulled me from my despair. I didn’t even have time to wipe away the tears before I saw Helion standing in my doorway. His face held none of his usual charm. No, standing before me was Helion, not the playboy but the High Lord. 

“It’s Rhys.” That was all he had to say for me to take off sprinting along the halls. Helion could barely keep up with me and I wretched the door to his study open. 

Rhys didn’t so much as look up as I barreled into the office. I reached him and placed a hand on his shoulder.

“What's wrong?” And Rhys just broke in front of me. He explained about Feyre’s pregnancy. The wings that would most likely kill her. I felt my stomach drop to my feet.

“How can I help, Rhys?” I saw the pain in his eyes. 

“Just try to find if this has ever been attempted. Or if there's a way to make this safer for her.” Rhys looked like a shell of himself and I knew I would do whatever I had to do to never see him look so broken ever again. I knew what I needed to do as hard as the words were going to be to get out.

“I’ll come back with you.” He looked like I had grown three heads. “Between my research and healing, I’ll be the next best thing after Helion to help Feyre with this. Please. Let me help her survive this.” His eyes welled with tears as he just nodded. 

“I can’t thank you enough.” He wrapped his arms tightly around me. The laugh that left my lips was tense. 

“Thank me once we save her.”

“Of course. It’s the least I can do after you helped me so much.” I placed a hand over his shaking one. 

I didn’t pack much. Most of which was as many books that Helion could bother parting with. All on various topics, Illyrian anatomy, childbirth and healing. I’d been healing since I was a child. With Madja by my side, even if we couldn’t find a way to safely deliver the baby, we could prevent Feyre from bleeding out. 

Rhys came the next morning to winnow me to the Night Court. I said goodbyes for now to my new friends. Helion had given me a tight hug as he thanked me for doing what he could not. 

Feyre greeted me exuberantly, crushing me against her as well as she could at the bump jutting out from her stomach. She was glowing. From the look of her, she didn’t have too much longer to go and I felt lightheaded at the thought of how much research I had to do in not much time. 

I was standing up on the roof, looking out at the lights of Velaris when I felt him behind me. I didn’t turn around as he joined me near the railing. 

“Thank you for being here. Rhys already seems more comfortable, more like himself.” My nod was the only acknowledgement I gave him that I had heard him. He signed and stayed looking out at the skyline. 

“Look...” He started. I cut him off.

“Don’t do this again, Azriel.” There was no anger in my voice this time. Just the voice of something who was so broken, broken because of this man. “We can’t go back and change the past. We can’t start over and you’ll never be able to undo the pain you caused. “

“Let me try. Please. I’ll spend the rest of my life making it up to you.” His tone was just as raw as mine. And something in me broke. The part that was tired of pretending my feelings went away. I knew deep down in my heart that this was another chance. 

“I don’t know if I’ll be able to love you the way I did before.” I risked a glance over to him and I was blown away by the breathtaking smile that graced his face. 

““I’ll take you any way that you’ll have me” I knew he was telling the truth. It was there under the stars I realized, though it wouldn’t happen over night, loving Azriel would be as easy as breathing.

[spaceshipellie]

Prompt: don’t talk to strangers or you might fall in love

Ellie plssss mb like a slow burn, angst bc Ellie isn’t ready to be vulnerable leading to fluff to smut 💗

Can be tlou universe or modern

“don’t talk to strangers or you might fall in love”

pairing: ellie x reader

summary/warnings: modern au, situationship, emotionally unavailable ellie, angst then fluff

you never meant to fall for her. her laugh, her smile, the way she kissed you hello and goodbye, touched you when no one was around. you knew she would never see you as anything more than “fun” and you promised yourself you could handle it. now, you could only scoff at your foolishness.

she hadn’t made it easy to keep her at arms length though. she was a magnetic force and a stab in the back all in one. the way she’d contradict her soft touch by telling you, “you know i’m not ready for a relationship, baby.” the way she’d contradict her distant behaviour by telling you, “i’ve never met anyone like you, you make me so happy.”

to say it didn’t hurt would be a lie, but you felt responsible for getting involved in the first place. which is why you had never said anything before tonight.

“you’re so fucking selfish!” you screamed.

“i’ve always been upfront with you about what i want, not my fault you can’t handle it,” she screamed back.

“well, i think you’re a liar.”

“oh do you?”

you both stood on opposite sides of her living room. the lighting dim with half drunk rum and cokes on the coffee table.

“yeah, i do. you’re so afraid, ellie. you put on this big, tough act and pretend you don’t care at all but that’s impossible.”

“i don’t need to pretend.” her voice was low and tense. it was jarring compared to your shrill tone.

“so nothing since we met ever meant anything to you?”

“that’s not what i said.”

“then what the fuck are you saying? huh?”

god, part of you wanted to throttle her. she huffed and dragged a hand down her face.

“why the fuck are you bringing this up? i thought we were good.”

“because i don’t know how to read you, ever! and i’m sick of making myself feel like an idiot.”

“i’m not trying to make you feel like an idiot.”

“that’s awfully big of you,” you snapped.

“jesus, fuck. what do you want from me?”

you paused and shook your head. you felt sick and honestly wished you hadn’t said anything. but then you would have spent another six months in silence, tearing yourself up about your feelings.

“i just… i know you never wanted anything serious and neither did i but,” you stopped.

“but what?”

“but… i don’t know, after this long i thought that maybe…”

“i’d have feelings for you?”

your head snapped up to look at her.

“oh, don’t be fucking mean. seriously ellie, i’m not in the mood.”

“i’m not, i mean…” she stopped.

“what?”

silence.

“just tell me otherwise i’ll just leave and you can be on your own like you always want to–“

“i might…” she cut you off. you waited, impatiently.

“i think i might,” she twisted her sweaty hands together, “like you.”

you stared at her, dumbfounded.

“don’t mess with my head, ellie, i swear.”

“i’m not,” she rushed over to you and took your hands.

“i know what i said when we first met and at the time it was true, i didn’t want anything serious,” she took in a shaky breath, “but things have changed and if i’m being honest with you, it scares the shit out of me.”

you looked at her wavering eyes. “why?”

“because i’m not, i wouldn’t, i’m scared i’d fuck it up if we got serious and i wouldn’t want to do that to you.”

you let her confession soak in, thinking carefully about how to respond. you didn’t want to just leap into her arms like a lost puppy but you also wanted what she was saying to be true.

“please say something?” she pleaded after your long silence.

“ellie, i understand being scared, i’m scared! but you shouldn’t let that hold you back from what you want.” your stomach dropped in anticipation.

“i want to be with you, properly.”

she lifted your hands up to wrap around her neck and placed her own on your waist. you tried not to smile too hard just yet.

“is that you asking me to be your girlfriend?”

“yes,” she smiled and you kissed her. she held you closer as you deepened it.

“is that you saying yes?” she mumbled against your lips.

“yes.”

an: i didn’t write it leading to smut but you can imagine that’s where it was heading. hope you like it <3

[throneofsapphics]

plsss write more rowaelin x reader!! literally anything i’m obsessed with your writing <333 would love some hurt/comfort

nothing

Rowaelin x f!Reader

Summary: "A gilded cage is still a cage, the nasty part of my mind echoed, but I let the thought drift away and disappear - melting into them instead. For now, it was easier to give into the comfort. I can let the harder parts come later."

Warnings: angst, emotional hurt, comfort

Word Count: ~1.5k

A/N: ahh thank you so much for the request I loved writing it, this took a more emotional hurt turn but if you had something different in mind please let me know!

“You’d be nothing without us.” 

Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. The words echoed in my head like a horrible melody. I saw her parted lips and wide eyes. Regret. It’s too late, the words left her lips. There’s no taking back something like that. Even if there was, my pride wouldn’t let her. It doesn’t matter whether she’s right or wrong. What’s done is done. Over. 

“Thank you for telling me how you really feel,” I said, with an edge to my voice and narrowed eyes. A tone I’ve never taken with her before, and I can tell it shocks her - good. I wanted something to hurt, to hurt the way she’s hurt me. Still, tears threatened to prick the corner of my eyes, to give away how vulnerable I felt, how five words tore me open. Never let them see you cry, my mother’s words echoed in my ears as I turned away. 

There’s that part of me that wants her to call after, to say my name, to run to me, but she doesn’t. I can’t tell if that makes it better or worse. 

My feet traveled the well worn path, out the side gate, down the cobblestone streets, all the way to my small apartment and I started packing, throwing things into piles before realizing I don’t have any boxes. That I don’t have most of my things - there all there. The one place I won’t go back to, that I refuse to go back to. 

Maybe she’s right, maybe I am nothing without them, but that doesn’t mean I can’t become something. My life revolved around them for the last year. Is it freedom? I don’t know. I don’t want to know now. No tears, I tell myself, and repeat it in my head until the words don’t make sense anymore, until they cease to exist. 

-

A few hours later, after I’d found some boxes and started packing things away, Rowan showed up. He didn’t bother knocking, just let himself in. “This is it then. You’re running.” The last person I want to see shows up on my doorstep. “Don’t ignore me.” He said after an uncomfortable silence. 

“Is the great Rowan Whitethorn begging?” My back stays turned to him, I can’t look at him - if I do I might give in. I might let those tears I’ve been barely holding back fall. 

“Is that what you want?” The coldness in his voice made me want to cry. I never heard it used towards me. 

“What did she tell you?” I asked instead. 

“That you’re running away.” 

I finally turned, looking at the clock, anywhere but at him. His scent still flooded the room, pine and snow. His presence even more. No matter where he went, he took up space. Almost overwhelmingly. “So she missed the ‘You’d be nothing without us,’ part then.” 

Silence, I didn’t need Fae senses to feel his anger bubbling beneath his skin. “Look at me so I know you’re not lying.” My eyes snapped to his on instinct. Gods, that’s the worst thing I could’ve done. I can’t tell who his anger is directed to. His head tilted every so slightly, like he could see right through me into every dark thought, every bit of anger and resentment. “What did you say to her?” Oh so that’s what he wanted to know. To flip the story on me, to make me the villain. 

“Does it matter?” I snapped. 

“Yes.” The simple answer pissed me off even more. I snorted and rolled my eyes, knowing my indifference would be louder than any words I could’ve said. I turned my back again and re-stacked dishes I had already sorted and organized. Soft, nearly silent footsteps sounded across the room before a hand squeezed my shoulder, fingertips squeezing just enough to know he expected an answer. 

Expectations. A year of living by what they want, of chasing their dreams for me. Like always with him, the words flooded out. “I told her I wanted to expand my business, to start more crafts, go to more markets, to travel further out. She asked why, why I needed to and why Orynth wasn’t enough.” I press my elbows against the cold tile, cradling my forehead in my hands. His hand didn't leave, but his thumb rubbed gentle circles into my shoulder. “When she asked why I said I was tired of living in your shadows and I think it came out wrong. I meant it, but not in a harsh way.” I felt his body stiffen but the gentle movements did not stop. “People only buy from me because of you, because I’m connected to you.” My elbows dig harsher into the cold tile, hard enough I know there will be red marks on them. I sensed he’s about to say something and whirled back around, swatting his hand away. 

“That’s not true.” The smallest movement in his temple, almost imperceptible if I didn’t know better. He lied. 

“Don’t lie to me.” I snarled, and his eyes narrowed. 

“What’s my tell?” He tried to deflect. 

“Say what you’re really thinking.” I gritted my teeth. His jaw clenched slightly. 

“People… enjoy the novelty of buying from someone connected to the crown. That doesn’t make your work any less impressive.” At least he didn’t lie again. The Crown. Not the Queen and King, the Crown. I pressed my lips together in a tight line, is it possible to separate the two of them? 

“I want to be something.” I tried to explain as my pitch rose and I waved my hands, quickly approaching hysterics. Everything seemed to be getting to me, all of the thoughts I’ve been suppressing crashed down on me. He grabs them, holding them gently. The rough calluses brush against my skin. He takes a few deep breaths, and I copied him, my body reacted without conscious thought. 

“You are something. You’re everything to us.” 

“That’s not what I mean.” I huffed, but at least he’s trying. At least he said something. 

“You can be something here. You don’t need to leave Orynth to do it.” 

My eyes shuttered closed. He didn’t understand, he couldn’t. This was all foreign to him. Rowan was a legend before he became King, before he met Aelin. 

“I can stay here.” I started, and sensed a bit of tension leaving him - too bad I'm about to undo all of that, “but travel to other places - where nobody will know my face or who I am.” 

“It’s not safe.” 

I groaned. I knew that would be his answer, it always came back to my safety. To their peace of mind.

-

As soon as I saw her, and the broken look on her face at the boxes, the floodgate broke and the tears came loose. Along with the sobs that wrecked my body. She crossed the room in seconds, arms circling around me and I held onto her like a lifeline - like she’s the one thing anchoring me to this reality. She came, she came after me. Not from Rowan urging her, not from someone telling her to - she came on her own. For me. Swallowed her pride. 

“I didn’t mean it.” Her face buried into my shoulder, “not like that.” Her words still echoed in my mind, nothing, nothing, nothing, but I shoved them away for now. Not now, not when she’s being vulnerable - apologizing for once. 

“I love you,” she whispered into my shoulder and I froze. She’s never said the words before, she’s shown it - but never said them. Was this a ploy to keep me here, to try and sweeten the blow with words that don’t mean anything to her? But Aelin wasn’t like that, she might scheme and plan, but she wouldn’t lie about this. At least I didn’t think she would. “You don’t need to say it back, I just need you to know.” The truth, I decided - it has to be the truth. If it isn’t, I’d trick myself into believing it. 

I felt Rowan’s warm body pressed behind me, caging me between their arms. A gilded cage is still a cage, the nasty part of my mind echoed, but I let the thought drift away and disappear - melting into them instead. For now, it was easier to give into the comfort. I can let the harder parts come later. Aelin guided me over to the couch, letting me curl into her side as she whispered sweet nothings into my ear, her hand stroking my hair in the way that made me melt as Rowan started unpacking the boxes. Before I knew it I was back in the castle with them. Back in our rooms. Rooms with my touch, with my books, with the potted plant I barely keep alive and the soft blanket I brought from my home village. 

There would be more arguments, more protests and compromises - but we would figure it out. We always do.

[danikamariewrites]

Trapped

Lucien x reader

A/n: part 2 to Fox Hunter! I was so happy so many people liked this fic and I hope you like part 2. I love Elain so breaking her heart killed me but it had to happen sadly.

Warnings: dark!reader, manipulation, angst

Three months. It took three months for my brother to mess things up. It’s my own fault, really. I did not take into account the amount of time he had spent with Gwyn. When the bond snapped for them Azriel left Elain. It’s been weeks now. Azriel and Gwyn have been in the cabin in the mountains since. Elain wont even come out of her room.

Today Feyre had had enough. A loud knock sounded on the front door, I open it to find a disheveled Feyre. She has bags under her eyes, her hair pulled up in a ponytail to hide the knots forming in her sandy locks. Her shoulders are slumped in defeat as she shuffles inside. I felt bad for her. She shouldn’t have to be dealing with Elain’s mess of a life, she had already done so much for her sisters.

I hold my arms out to pull her into a comforting hug. Feyre slumps against me as a sob shakes her body. “I can’t take it y/n. I know she’s hurting but this is irrational.” I rub her back slowly, my eyes fluttering shut as I prepare myself for what Feyre is about to ask me. “Elain won’t speak to me or Nesta anymore. Nesta tried today but she asked for you. Will you please talk to her?”

Resting my hands on her shoulders I pull away from Feyre. “Yes, anything to help Elain. She’s my friend and I hate seeing her in pain like this.”

When I arrive at the River House later that day I spot Lucien and Cassian speaking in hushed tones by the staircase. As I pass them I send Lucien a wink and a small smile that he returns. Making my way up the stairs I can smell the salt of Elain’s tears. Taking a deep breath I mentally prepare myself to step into the role of friend.

I knock on the door and enter without her permission. “Elain,” my voice comes out sweet and caring. I just want the girl to stop crying. She sniffled and stood from her bed. Elain pulled herself up to her full height, holding her chin up high. A scowl graces her lips as she stares daggers at me. “Elain?” I ask tentatively.

“I asked for Lucien. I wanted to take it all back but then Nesta told me he was with you. Your scents were mixed.” Elain was trembling at this point. “You did this. You wanted Lucien and you made me break the bond with him!” She was screaming at this point. I knew my look of shock was genuine by Elain’s dark laugh. “Oh. My. Gods. I knew it! You did this to me on purpose!”

“I told you to follow your heart! Never once did I tell you to break the bond.” Elain started screaming bloody murder. She started pacing like a mad woman, gripping at the roots of her hair. Thundering footsteps rush up the stairs. Before I could say anything to claim my innocence Rhys, Feyre, Cassian, and Nesta burst through the door. “What’s going on?” Rhys yells.

Elain stops her pacing pointing a threatening finger at me. “Y/n did this to me! She took Lucien from me! Made me break the bond!” I turn to my family with a worried gaze. “I didn’t…I told her to do what was right I never meant for this.” Nesta rushed past me into Elain’s bathroom. Elain continues rambling until Nesta comes back with a small vile. Uncorking it, she forces the liquid down Elain’s throat.

The girl went limp in her sister’s arms. Slurring her words until her eyes flutter shut and she’s completely unconscious. Cassian takes Elain from Nesta to lay her on the bed. Rhys takes my hands, giving me a sympathetic smile. “I didn’t know this would happen,” I whisper out. Again, forcing tears to line my eyes. “Elain is my friend I’d never do this.”

“I know sister. Mating bonds are fragile things. The breaking of it with Lucien and Azriel leaving with Gwyn must be taking its toll on her emotionally.” Rhys said somberly. “I think it’s best we stay away for a while.” Rhys agreed and granted Lucien and I a leave of absence.

I rush back downstairs, a new spring in my step at the thought of spending time alone with Lucien away from the Night Court. As I stepped into the sitting room Lucien stood from the couch. “How is she?” Concern etched on his beautiful face. I hold his face in my hands slowly rubbing circles with my thumbs on his cheeks. I give my love a sympathetic frown. “Not well. I think everything is finally taking its toll on her, poor thing. It hurts to see her like this.” Lucien pulls me into a warm embrace. I rest my head against his strong chest, his steady heartbeat soothing my anxiety about this whole situation.

At least none of them believe Elain. Why would my brothers question me after five hundred years of love and loyalty. And they truly believe the poor girl is psychotic. Helping me evade doubt.

“Rhysand is letting us take a leave of absence. We could use a break for a while.” I lean away from Luc to gage his reaction. He flashes me that dazzling smile that makes my knees go weak. “I’d love that.” I pull him down to meet my lips in a sweet kiss. Breaking apart he rests his forehead against mine. “How about we go to Day for a while? My father asked me to visit, now is the perfect time.”

I smile at the thought of us in Day Court fashion. Walking around the palace, visiting the many libraries, and relaxing by the beaches. Peace. We’d have peace in Day, a chance to get lost in each other. “That sounds perfect.”

Lucien gives me one last kiss before heading to his office to write to Helion. I returned to the Town House to pack our bags as I daydream about a life for us in Day.

tagging: @thelov3lybookworm

[isaacarellanesismyhusband]

it's okay... you're okay

pair: Walker Scobell x 17y/o!reader

summary: Walker is there to reassure y/n(she/her) that she has every right to feel how she feels after a fight with her absent father

masterlist | navigation

❀✿❀✿❀✿❀✿❀✿❀✿❀✿❀✿❀✿❀✿❀✿❀✿

The room felt too small, too hot. Y/N stood in the center, her fists clenched so tight that her nails dug into her palms. She could hear the blood rushing in her ears, drowning out the sound of her father’s voice. His excuses, his apologies, whatever the hell he was saying didn’t matter anymore. She didn’t want to hear it.

"Stop," she snapped, her voice shaking. "Just stop."

Her father went quiet, his eyes widening. He wasn’t used to this. The soft-spoken girl who had always looked at him with too much pain and not enough anger was gone. He didn’t know her anymore.

“I— I know I messed up,” he started, his hands raised like he could calm her down. Like this was some small misunderstanding.

“You left,” Y/N spat, her voice rising, filling the room. “You left us, and you didn’t care. You didn’t care about me. Or mom. Or... or her." Her sister, who picked up the pieces their mom couldn’t.

He opened his mouth to speak, but she didn’t give him a chance. It was like a dam had burst inside her, all the words she’d held in for so long, all the feelings she’d shoved down, finally spilling out.

“You just disappeared. And I... I spent years thinking it was my fault. That maybe if I’d been better... quieter... more like the daughter you wanted, you wouldn’t have left. I thought I wasn’t enough.”

Her voice cracked, and she hated it. She hated that she still cared, that she still hurt because of him.

“I blamed myself for everything. When I was little, I thought maybe if I’d been more like her, you wouldn’t have gone. But then I grew up and I realized that I couldn’t even trust anyone because of you. You made me feel like I wasn’t worth sticking around for.”

She was pacing now, her hands shaking, but she couldn’t stop. She wouldn’t stop. Not now. Not when everything she’d kept buried was finally clawing its way out.

“I spent so long trying to get people to like me. To stay. I thought maybe if I was good enough for them, they wouldn’t leave like you did. But no matter how hard I tried, it never worked. Because no matter what I did, I always felt like they’d leave too. Because if my own dad didn’t want me, why would anyone else?”

Her father’s face was pale, his mouth set in a thin line, but Y/N didn’t care. She didn’t care about his excuses or his reasons anymore. She just wanted him to understand how badly he’d broken her.

“I needed you, and you weren’t there. Do you know what that does to a kid? Do you have any idea what it’s like to grow up wondering why your dad didn’t love you enough to stay?”

She felt the tears sting her eyes, but she blinked them back. She wouldn’t cry. Not for him. Not anymore.

“I was four when you left. Four. I didn’t understand then. I didn’t know why my dad didn’t come home anymore. And I waited. I waited for you to come back. Every night. For years. But you never did.”

Her chest felt tight, and she struggled to breathe, but she kept going. She had to say it all.

“And you know what the worst part is? I was sixteen before I finally realized it wasn’t my fault. Sixteen. I spent my whole life thinking I did something wrong, that I wasn’t good enough. But it was you. You’re the one who wasn’t enough.”

Her father’s face crumpled, and for a split second, she felt the smallest twinge of guilt. But it disappeared just as quickly.

“I don’t want your apology. I don’t want your excuses. I don’t care why you left anymore. I just... I just want you to know what you did to me. How you ruined everything. How every time I try to let someone in, I can’t. Because I’m terrified they’ll leave too. And it’s all because of you.”

The room was dead silent now, except for the sound of her ragged breathing. Her father looked like he wanted to say something, anything, but no words came out. Good. There was nothing left to say.

Y/N stood there, trembling, her heart racing in her chest. She’d said it. Everything she’d wanted to say for so long. And yet, she didn’t feel better. She just felt... empty. Like all that anger and hurt had been holding her together, and now that it was out, she didn’t know what was left.

“I don’t hate you,” she said, her voice barely above a whisper now. “I just... I don’t need you anymore. And I never will.”

With that, she turned and walked out, leaving him behind. Like he had left her.

Y/N slammed the front door behind her and leaned against it, her chest heaving. The house was silent, but it didn’t feel peaceful. It felt hollow. Empty. Just like her.

She stumbled up the stairs, her legs shaky, her mind a blur. When she reached her room, she collapsed onto her bed, burying her face in the pillow.

The tears came out of nowhere. Hot, choking sobs that wracked her entire body. She wasn’t even sure why she was crying. She thought confronting him would make her feel better. She thought it would give her some sense of relief or closure. But now... she just felt lost.

She pressed her face deeper into the pillow, trying to muffle the sound. Her chest hurt, her eyes burned, and she was so tired. So damn tired of feeling this way. But no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t stop crying.

Y/N didn’t know how long she laid there, curled up on her bed, feeling like she was falling apart from the inside out. Minutes? Hours? It didn’t matter. Nothing made sense anymore.

Before she even realized what she was doing, her hand reached for her phone, and she opened Walker’s contact without hesitation. He was the only person she could think of. The only one who might understand, even though she barely understood herself.

Her thumb hovered over the call button for a second, but then she pressed it. She needed to hear his voice. She needed *him*.

It rang once. Twice. Then his familiar voice came through, and somehow, the sound of it made her throat tighten all over again.

“Hey, Y/N—” he started, his usual upbeat tone there, but she cut him off with a shaky breath.

“I did it,” she whispered, her voice cracking. “I told him everything.”

There was a brief pause on the other end of the line, then Walker spoke, his voice softer this time. “Are you okay?”

Y/N let out a breath she didn’t realize she’d been holding. The simple question—one he asked so often—felt like it was unraveling something inside her.

“No,” she admitted, her voice barely above a whisper. “I don’t know. I don’t know what I feel.”

“Do you want me to come over?”

She squeezed her eyes shut, nodding even though he couldn’t see her. “Yeah... yeah, I do.”

“I’ll be there in ten.”

True to his word, ten minutes later there was a knock on her window. Y/N glanced up and saw Walker standing there, his hair messy from the wind, his hands shoved into his jacket pockets. She managed a weak smile as she got up to let him in.

The second he climbed through the window, Walker’s arms were around her, pulling her into a tight hug. She hadn’t realized how much she needed it until that moment—the warmth, the comfort, the familiar scent of him.

“It’s okay,” he murmured into her hair. “You’re okay.”

She buried her face into his chest, and for a while, neither of them said anything. She just let herself be held, her breathing slowly evening out as the tension in her body began to fade.

After a few minutes, Walker pulled back just enough to look at her. His blue eyes were full of concern, but there was something else there too. Something steady, reassuring.

“What happened?” he asked gently, his hands resting on her shoulders.

Y/N took a shaky breath, running a hand through her hair. “I... I don’t even know. I just snapped. I told him everything I’ve been holding in since I was a kid. All the anger, the hurt, how he ruined everything...” Her voice wavered, but she forced herself to keep talking. “I told him that he made me feel like I wasn’t enough. That it was my fault he left.”

Walker’s expression softened, his eyes flickering with understanding. “You didn’t go too far, Y/N.”

She blinked, her throat tightening again. “What if I did? What if I was too harsh?”

“No.” Walker’s voice was firm, but gentle. “He needed to hear it. He needed to understand what he put you through. You have every right to be angry. You have every right to feel what you’re feeling.”

Y/N stared at him, her chest aching in a way that was different from before. Less painful, but still heavy. “But what if I hurt him?”

Walker’s hands slid down to her arms, giving them a gentle squeeze. “Y/N, you’ve been hurting for years because of him. He left. He made those choices. And you have every right to let him know how that affected you. It’s not your responsibility to protect him from the truth.”

Y/N’s lip trembled, and she blinked rapidly, trying to hold back more tears. “But why do I still feel so... so lost?”

Walker pulled her into another hug, resting his chin on top of her head. “Because it’s complicated,” he said quietly. “Confronting him doesn’t magically fix everything. It’s okay to feel all messed up right now. But you didn’t do anything wrong.”

She let out a shaky breath, closing her eyes as she leaned into him. His arms tightened around her, and for the first time all day, she felt like maybe she wasn’t falling apart. Not completely.

“I’m proud of you,” he whispered, his voice soft and warm. “For standing up for yourself. For telling him the truth. You didn’t deserve any of what he put you through. And you’re going to be okay.”

Y/N sniffed, a small, shaky laugh escaping her as she clung to him. “How do you always know what to say?”

Walker pulled back just enough to flash her that lopsided grin she loved so much. “It’s a talent. Plus, you’ve been my best friend forever. I think I’ve got the hang of this by now.”