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queen-of-my-goofball-army · 3 years

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Undiagnosed Autism-spectrum disorder in The Michells Vs The Machines

I'm sure that more well educated people have put two and two together in this film but I really, really want to put my own spin on it from my experience. For me, as an aspie, film is one of my biggest interests. I love studying and more than anything I love watching and rewatching films. My latest favorite movie was one that I just watched last night for my family movie night, The Michells Vs The Machines. I also went 17 years of my life asking myself the same question that both Rick and his daughter ask each other, what is wrong with him/her?

Well, I'll tell you, in my firmly undiagnosed autistic opinion for far too long, that this family is full of people with undiagnosed autism spectrum disorder. When I was watching it with my parents my mom made the comment that "the dad was a jerk" and maybe "he just didn't love his daughter enough to let her be her own person." I thought that was so not seeing the bigger picture even though it was only fifteen minutes into the film. I have felt like Katie so much with my own dad. My dad is a computer nerd and a physics major for those of you that don't talk to me very often. That means in laminas terms that he's extremely smart. Way smarter than I will ever be in my entire life. Both of my parents are insanely smart in their own rights. My mom is a CPA accountant. But that isn't what I wanted to talk about here. I want to discuss the effect of undiagnosed autism and what it can do to a whole family when they all have it and just don't know that they do. This will probably go on for quite some time so you may stop here or read below the cut because this also has the probablity of getting super, duper personal.

We'll start with Katie! To me, Katie is one of the most relatable characters that I have ever come across. She's a film nerd, which alone has made her supremely relatable as somebody who is thinking about going into a degree in film studies. I am more of a critic of film than somebody who wants to make her own film but nonetheless, there were SO many little moments that I related to. The first thing that I personally noticed and related to was the stimming technique that Katie has. She chews on her hoodie strings. As somebody who has chewed on the drawstrings of hoodies far too often long before I was officially put into the Aspergers box. Aspies are also known to stick with one "special interest" for the rest of their lives if it's one that is wide enough and varied enough to make it applicable. For Katie, that's film. For me that's animation. I appreciated that little detail of most of her dialogue being references to other films because as a lover of films and movies in general I could go for days on just fumes and movie references that nobody else understands. The little things from her hair being perpetually messy (same that's a whole ass mood like I just learned over quarantine how to tye my own hair back), only having one earring in her ear at all times, the way that she dresses and draws on her own hands, this was just me when I was first in high school. I was one of the few people that wore shorts underneath all my skirts/dresses. Everyone who knew about looked at me like I had grown a third eyeball.

Aaron, the younger brother, also just oozes spectrum lil buddy out of his every pore from his being. I do think that they should have picked somebody capable of doing a bit of a younger sounding voice (I know what they were going for, but like Ben Schwartz has become a huge deal in both voice acting and live action before switching mediums.) His special interest is actually quite a common one, he loves dinosaurs. I've met a bunch of people on the spectrum that are fascinated by dinos and what they meant for the world as well as the universe as a whole. To me, there was one scene specifically that was the scene where Katie was lightly teasing him when they were going to the half assed dinosaur extravaganza. For me, this was SO relatable because both of my parents will mess with me about my interests most of the time it's when we go to Disneyland, they'll tell me that we actually aren't going to land of magic but to Timbuckto (hopefully one day they'll say some place else just to switch things up.) I related so hard to Aaron's protesting and whining in this scene since that is always my reaction to doing something that I want to do but get told that I can't do that thing.

Linda is more of your traditional mom but I think that she's on the spectrum as well. Just a more... normalized version as opposed to her family. She's able to be a teacher, she's able to interact somewhat normally around her neighbors. If anything, she reminded me of my own mom. This independent, takes nobody's trash (especially not her husband's), strong minded, and amazing mother who is completely in control of everything. She knows the special interests of her children and is constantly thinking of what will make them happy. Whether it be taking a detour for something dinosaur related, reminding her daughter that her dad loves her no matter what, and even something as simple as watching something that her daughter made and put her heart and soul into. I can't tell you how many times my mom has watched something with me. She watched my first anime Soul Eater with me when I was 12 and ever since then has been trying to get me to watch other shows with her. She's a lot like Linda, your loving, but firm mother who just wants her family to work things out.

Whew boy. This one is going to be probably where I cry. Comparing my dad to Rick is... something that I did consistently when I was watching the film. He's the strong but silent type usually, unless your me and he's just this constant annoyance when I'm trying to do something. He could be seen as just a "Jerk" but I think that is the undiagnosed aspie talking. Rick and Katie just struggle so hard to see eye to eye because their special interests can't intersect to save their lives. This, this hurt me because so often I struggle to relate to my dad. Especially when he talks to me about computers or physics. Now I took physics but without having been in quarantine and having him as my live in tutor I would have failed, not gotten an A. This has resulted me in saying things that I don't mean in the heat of the moment when we do argue. It doesn't happen nearly as much as it used to back when I was in middle school but when it happened it was because of one thing. I lied. I used to lie a lot because I felt so unworthy of being his daughter because on my best days I am not technically smart. You want to know how many nations of the world there were in 1991 when the original Animaniacs was airing? You want to hear my Dot Warner impression? Did you ever wonder how to recognize a specific voice when your watching anime? Have you ever had to watch a panel of your favorite anime voice actor just to laugh at something? No, well I did. But ever since I have started taking a quarter off from community college I have realized something. I am not technically smart. I struggle at learning the rules for math. My dad can do this with his eyes closed but me, I struggle and look like a complete moron. It took years for my dad and I to see eye to eye. Sometimes I still wonder if I was the product of some laboratory experiment of what would happen if two intelligent people came together, fell in love, and expecting that the daughter was smart I was the reject. Watching this movie with my dad I saw so much of my relationship with him on the screen. Struggling to relate to one another, fighting and getting into arguments about petty things, and not being able to be in the same room as one another without heated words because I didn't get him.

The scene that I related to the most when it was in terms of how much Katie just doesn't understand her dad was after he was nabbed by the machines. When Aaron asked her why she said those things to their dad and her simple answer was "I don't know." This. This right here was when I saw me. So many times I've gotten into heated arguments with my dad when he has simply annoyed me at the wrong time and I've just blown up in his face. Then I regret my actions and not know how to apologize for losing my temper with him because "I don't know" just doesn't seem like a nearly acceptable answer. I felt this in my soul because it happened especially often before I was diagnosed.

When I was diagnosed, things started to get better with my dad and I. We haven't had a fight in nearly four years now. He watches cartoons with me now to try and relate to me, it's mostly Pinky and The Brain but it's more than I could have ever asked for. I love my dad so much, more than anything in the entire world. This movie is so, so good at telling a story about how a family of undiagnosed aspie's and people on the spectrum struggle to relate to one another because their special interests are different.

Special interests and family's are especially difficult and I applaud this movie so loud because of the way that it was able to treat the subject matter with integrity and honesty. I'm sorry if this analysis got a little bit long in the toof but thank you for sticking with me! I really hope that if you watched the film you loved my analysis.

#the mitchells vs the machines #aspergers #movie analysis #denki shut up #nobody cares about your emotional backstory #long post #this took me over an hour because I kept crying

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mcwriting · 3 years

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A Science Project for the Ages

Big thanks to this anon for this request! Sorry it's taking me longer to fulfill my requests from when I was in quarantine but I'm trying to get those done soon!

This is a slight continuation of lab partners but can definitely be read alone :)

Ship: SoftNerd!Tom Holland x Reader

Word Count: 1883

Warnings: one blink-and-you'll-miss it bad word

⚛︎

There was a loud buzz as your phone vibrated against the wood table in the science library.

You quickly picked it up, trying not to disturb the few other students around as you looked down at the screen.

Tom.

Though you were together now, he very rarely called at this time. He knew you always studied here before dinner time and respected that.

You grabbed your notebook and bag and shuffled into the hall to answer.

"Tom? Is everything okay?"

"Hey, um. So sorry to bother you, but you've finished your science expo project, right?"

You furrowed your brows as you slid down the wall to sit and stuff your notebook back in your bag. You knew this conversation was going in a weird direction already. You could hear a faint beeping in the background.

"Uh, yeah..?"

"Right, and what was that project over again?"

"I did an analysis on light absorption of different common solutions and then compared them to the color they turned when I lit them on fire. I thought we already talked about this the other day..?"

"Yes, yeah, sorry. So one more question before I tell you what's up. Do you happen to know how to bake?" Tom asked quietly.

Suddenly you remembered what all his project was on.

He was doing a food chemistry project, explaining certain phenomenons that happen when you bake. He had hoped giving people baked goods would make them like his project more.

"I- Tom I told you I would help you but you said it would be fine," you said flatly."

"Well..... Now it's not fine, and Alex isn't here to help me. He went to his girlfriend's."

Tom's roommate. He was usually pretty patient with Tom's clumsiness, but sometimes he just had to get out and enjoy a day off, too. Tom understood, but now the burden fell on you.

"Fine, I'll be there in a little bit. Text me if you need me to bring anything."

⚛︎

You walked in to the smell of burnt. It was overwhelming and you choked as you rushed to the window to air out the apartment.

"Hey, sorry about the smell," Tom said nonchalantly from the kitchen.

You turned to see the situation at hand, which was definitely... a situation.

It was like something out of a movie. Messy bowls and utensils littered the sink. There was cake batter splattered across the counters. Finally, the culprit still sat in a muffin tin on the bar: a dozen very black cupcakes.

You sighed.

"Forgot to set the timer?"

"Yep."

"And let me guess. This was your first experience with baking?"

"That's exactly right."

"Of course," you muttered, but then clapped your hands together enthusiastically. "Well, then. Let's try and fix this, shall we?"

You leaned up and pressed a quick kiss to Tom's cheek, then brushed past him to grab the tray.

"First on the agenda, we are going to take off the papers and chuck these off the balcony to let out some frustrations, alright?"

You were lucky in that Tom's apartment was on the top floor, and his balcony faced a wooded area. The only thing he could hit was a tree and the food would eventually biodegrade into the soil.

You both tossed them, competing to see who could throw the farthest. It let Tom blow off some steam, and also gave more time to ventilate the place before you went back in.

After the last cupcake (if you could call it that) was tossed, you got started on cleaning everything up. He had used a lot of bowls for one boxed cake mix, but you didn't ask.

It took a while to make sure things were sufficiently clean, but finally everything was ready to make a new batch.

"Oh one other thing before we start. Have you ever made a meringue?" Tom asked as he preheated the oven, which you carefully supervised to make sure it was right.

"I mean, I've made some before. Why?"

"Well part of my project was talking about how egg proteins bind. They sound pretty easy. Just eggs and sugar, right?"

Your hand covered your eyes in disappointed surprise.

"What? No. Tom, meringues are like, notoriously one of the hardest things to get right. They land just before macarons, and meringue is one of the main parts of a macaron!"

"What are you talking about? How can something with two ingredients be that hard to make?" he tried to argue, but you weren't about to let him trick you into making something so difficult.

"Did none of your research explain how moisture, temperature changes, utensils used, and method of cooking affect the outcome."

"...Uh... no."

"Were you planning on using the Swiss, Italian, or French technique?"

".....I didn't know there was more than one."

"Well then you might go do a quick search to add to your presentation while I cover the cupcakes."

While he did that, you made up the batter and got the cupcakes in the oven (set at the right temperature for the right time), then got started making some frosting.

"Hey, y/n. Did you know you aren't supposed to make meringues in a plastic bowl?"

"Yep. Plastic can retain lipids which prevent proper binding. Same reason you can't whip the yolk."

"That's what this says! How did you know that?"

You shrugged.

"I like to bake. By the way, you better credit me as your pastry chef on the presentation."

"Will do."

He made some edits on the page and found a recipe claiming to be the easiest method, so you caved and agreed to help him make them when the cupcakes were done.

As you measured sugar and got the whisk attachment ready, you looked over and admired Tom as he meticulously separated the eggs.

You couldn't help but fall head over heels for him all over again seeing how he did each step carefully, all his focus on each little egg.

Sure, he was a little clumsy sometimes, but he was precious and cared about whatever he did.

It took what seemed like hours to get the egg whites whipped properly (and lots of arguing with Tom about what "stiff peaks" meant), but finally you had them in a piping bag and on a pan to bake.

You couldn't help but wait by the oven in anxious anticipation for the meringues to come out, even though they'd be in there for a while.

Tom sat right next to you on the (surprisingly) clean kitchen floor as you stared at the oven.

"Babe?" he asked softly, leaning into you.

You hummed a response, taking the opportunity to rest your head on his shoulder.

"Thank you for coming and helping me. I know you value your library time."

You smiled and sat back up, looking Tom in the eyes.

"You know, I wasn't really studying anyways. I was watching youtube videos with my headphones in because I didn't want to go home yet."

Tom had a mischievous grin and furrowed brow.

"So you just go there as an excuse to get away from me?!"

You laughed and knocked into him slightly.

"No! I just got done with my homework and wanted to hang around campus for a while... and I had a feeling you'd call eventually."

Tom gasped.

"You didn't trust me!?"

"Now that I can answer truthfully..." you started, causing him to pout. "I'm not saying I didn't trust you at all, it's just that I had never once heard of you baking and figured I would prepare myself accordingly."

"Does this mean that Alex knew too?"

"I can't speak on his behalf, but I'm glad it was just us anyways. I like getting to spend time with you like this." You paused to peck him on the lips. "Want me to read over your project? I know those spelling errors can slip by sometimes."

Tom grinned, wordlessly getting up and offering you a hand.

⚛︎

The expo was in full swing and you nervously stood on the other side of the room as your project to watch people walk by and observe your findings.

You had already given your presentation to the judging panel and now the expo was open to the public, so you tried to avoid stressing too much as you talked with some friends.

Suddenly a pair of warm arms came around your stomach and Tom's scent enveloped you.

"Hey baby, how ya feelin'?" he asked, resting his chin on your shoulder as your thumbs rubbed over his hands instinctively.

"You know me. A little nervous." You flipped in his arms to face him. "And what about you? The judges like our sweet treats?"

"They sure seemed too. Dr. Grand liked the meringues so much she asked for another."

You smiled.

"Well either way, I'm proud of us both."

"Thanks again for helping, I couldn't have done this without you. I made sure to emphasize how difficult meringue making is during my presentation thanks to you."

Finally your friends had enough of the cutesy bullshit and convinced you and Tom to rejoin the conversation, both of you with arms around each other as you conversed.

Time passed and eventually they gave prizes to the best projects of the expo. You knew you wouldn't win anything, there were some far better projects out there that included heavy research.

"And in first place, 'Science around us: the chemistry of baking' by Mr. Tom Holland! Congratulations! If all of our winners could come pick up their ribbons and get a photo for the newsletter, that would be great."

Tom stayed casually next to you, so you had to shake him and get his attention.

"Did you hear that Tom? You won!"

Tom blinked a few times, then gasped.

"I won!? I mean, we won!!?"

You rolled your eyes and pushed him forward.

"Go on, get your blue ribbon, baker boy."

He excitedly rushed up to the table where his prize awaited (tripping a few times, but you ignored that) and bounced on the balls of his feet as someone pinned the ribbon to his shirt.

You could see the sheer delight on his face as the winners took a group photo, and he practically skipped back to meet you.

You and your friends gave him congratulations as he happily looked down at the blue piece pinned to him.

He then unpinned it and tried to hand it to you.

"Now, don't congratulate me, y/n gets all the credit for making everything."

"No, no. It was your idea and you did the research. You deserve that more than anyone else. And plus, you were right. Baked goods did give you an edge over the competition."

"Well I say it was a science project for the ages!" he exclaimed, holding up the ribbon. You and your friends cheered to that.

"How 'bout we go celebrate your win over lunch, hm? The cupcake I had isn't holding me over and I'm starving."

"Sounds perfect, darling. Lead the way."

You happily headed off towards the nearest place on campus, completely oblivious to the fact that Tom had pinned his blue ribbon to your backpack.

He quickly made up time and slipped a hand into yours.

If nothing else, he was the boyfriend of the ages.

⚛︎

A/N: thanks to the anon who sent the request for this! I really enjoyed writing it! I think I could've improved some things but overall I'm pretty satisfied with it, and I hope you are too!

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#a science project for the ages #tom holland #tom holland story #tom holland fanfic #tom holland fanfiction #tom holland one shot #tom holland x you #tom holland x reader #tom holland x y/n #tom holland imagine

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ncssian · 3 years

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A Favor: Part Nine

Nessian Modern AU

Masterlist

a/n: reading canon eris discourse literally makes me dizzy but in this fic he's pretty chill

***

“Any plans for Thanksgiving?” Emerie asks as they stroll between the shelves of the library.

Nesta runs her finger down the spine of a textbook on corporate law. “Not really,” she murmurs distantly.

She’s been doing her best not to think of the upcoming holidays, in fact. Cassian is going to Velaris for Thanksgiving, and of course Feyre invited Nesta as well, but…

She’s always ignored her sister’s holiday invites, but this year is different. Cassian, a recent constant in her life, will be gone, enjoying himself for the first time in months without her presence. And Nesta will be at the cabin alone, because of course she can’t celebrate Thanksgiving with Feyre’s found family. Being friends with Cassian hasn’t changed that.

“Well,” Emerie is saying, “a bunch of us can’t go home for the holidays for one reason or another, so we’re hosting a small Friendsgiving at my apartment. You’re invited.”

Nesta glances at her, surprised. “Who’s going to be there?”

“The same guys from drinks night: Eris, Justinian, Isaac. Maybe a plus one or two if we’re lucky.” She elbows Nesta. “Maybe a girl for me to take home.”

“I thought the party was at your home already?”

“You know what I mean. Anyway, are you coming?”

Nesta purses her lips. “But you said it was a Friendsgiving. Those guys aren’t my friends.”

Emerie looks at her like she's insane. “Uh, why not?”

“Because,” Nesta states, “we’ve only had one real interaction all semester.”

Emerie scoffs. “You talk to them all the time in class, Nesta.”

“Yes. Out of necessity.”

Emerie raises a high brow. “That’s how you view spending time with us? A ‘necessity’?”

She’s upset, and Nesta doesn’t know what she said wrong. “That’s not what I meant,” she tries to say.

“Then what did you mean?”

“I just…” Nesta shrugs. “I thought it took more to make friends than a single night out.” Those are the rules, right?

Emerie narrows her dark eyes at her. “I’m sorry we’re not up to standard, then. But for your information, those guys liked you. I’m sure they considered you a friend.” She turns to leave, but Nesta is so stunned she can’t even try to stop her. The click of Emerie’s heels resonate long after she’s gone.

“Hey,” Cassian comes up to her later that day. “About Thanksgiving—”

Nesta drops her dinner plate onto the island with a clatter. “What is it with everybody and Thanksgiving?” Her voice is unnecessarily loud.

Cassian blinks. “Well, it’s only a few days away—”

“I know,” she says. “I’m fine staying home alone. We never celebrated Thanksgiving growing up, you know? It’s really not a big deal.”

“Will you let me finish, Nesta?”

Nesta presses her lips together.

Cassian takes a breath. “I think you should— I would really love it if you came to Velaris with me this weekend.”

There’s a silence as he waits for her to answer.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” she says after a moment.

Before he can press the subject, she blurts, “I already have plans.”

“You do?” Nesta can’t tell if he sounds disappointed or surprised.

She straightens her back, lying through her teeth, “Yes. Some friends from school are getting together for a Friendsgiving, and I’m going.” She almost bites her tongue on the word friends. She doesn’t even know what that means anymore.

“That’s amazing,” Cassian says, though he still looks a little taken aback. “I’m glad.” He looks down at the marble counter then, trying to smile. “Sucks for me, though.”

Nesta huffs a laugh. “Please, like you won’t be having fun with your friends whether I’m there or not.”

He rolls his eyes. “Yeah, but why go for half the fun when I could go for double?”

“That’s not how math works,” she snipes.

Cassian grabs a fork so he can sit down across from Nesta. “Don’t you ever bring up correct math in this house again.” He points his silverware at her threateningly.

From there, they can devolve into their usual dinner habit of bantering that leads to more serious conversation. Cassian has recently been on a French movie binge, Nesta learns, and even though she despises the French, she listens closely to his analysis of each film and offers her own thoughts back. She even promises to rewatch one or two of his favorites at a later time. The giddiness he gives in return makes her almost wish she had accepted his invitation earlier, if only so she could keep making him happy.

God. What is he doing to her?

Later that night, Nesta pulls out her phone and opens up her messages with Emerie. She doesn’t want to have rejected Cassian just to end up staying home alone all weekend. She types out five different messages and erases them before settling on an apathetic, Is the invite for Thursday still on?

Emerie takes her time to reply, likely to punish Nesta. After some minutes, she finally texts, Yes.

It’s all she can expect from Emerie, and it’s all she needs to see.

Nesta: I’ll be there.

***

“Cassian!” Feyre swings open the door with an overjoyed smile, ready to greet him.

He laughs and steps in for a hug, going so far as to lift her feet off the floor. Because damn him, even with his conflicted feelings towards Feyre lately, he’s missed her. He’s missed all of his friends, even though he’s found something precious while he was away from them.

He’s ushered into the penthouse, which Feyre and Rhys insist on calling an “apartment”, as if that softens the blow of their extravagant wealth. Cassian and everybody else goes along with it, however, because the rich have committed worse crimes. At least that’s what Nesta says.

“Rhys is out getting last minute beer from the gas station,” Feyre says as she takes his overnight bag. “And you’re the first to arrive, which means I have you all to myself.” She whirls on him with a predatory gleam in her eye. “Tell me everything about the last two months with you and Nesta, ASAP.”

Cassian’s heart starts racing at the unexpected interrogation, but he laughs it off and shrugs. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. We’re just roommates.”

“Well, I know that.” Feyre rolls her eyes. “But what is it like? How is it going? Is she okay? Are you okay?”

Before he can answer a single question, Feyre goes on. “I haven’t heard from either of you in eons, it feels like. Is Nesta still picky about her foods touching? Does she get upset when you play music too loud? Does she—”

“Jesus, Feyre,” Cassian interrupts loudly. “Not everything in my life is about your sister. Give it a rest.” He takes his duffel bag back from her.

“I’m just curious!” she says indignantly, but Cassian is already heading up the winding stairs to his guest room, going as fast as he can without outright running.

“I need to get washed up!” he announces before Feyre can make him stop and come back for more questioning.

In the safety of his bedroom, he releases a breath.

If Cassian thought keeping Nesta’s health issues from Feyre was difficult, he couldn’t have predicted how painful it would be to hide his feelings for Nesta. Still, he doesn’t dare expose what he can’t yet define, especially not to his nosy-ass friends. Some things just aren’t matters for gossip.

***

Nesta hesitantly enters Emerie’s small studio apartment to a party in full swing; “full swing” being Justinian and Isaac playing video games on the couch while Emerie is in the kitchen area attempting to make drinks. Nesta stops near the kitchenette and crosses her arms, surveying the scene. “Something about this doesn’t look right,” she says aloud. Emerie doing the hard work while the men play? Antithetical to her very nature.

“I know,” is all Emerie says without looking up from whatever hellish concoction she’s whipping up. “But I’m the host, so this is my role.”

“Hey, Nesta,” the guys speak up together, not taking their eyes off the TV. Isaac is the first to break his concentration from the game, glancing at Nesta and doing a double take. “Woah, you look good today.” Is he blushing?

Emerie finally looks up at that, eyeing Nesta’s modest black dress. “A little funeral-chic, but still hot as ever, babe.” Right after, she makes a face at the term babe. “Nope, I tried it and I hate it.”

Nesta hates it just as much, but goes over to help Emerie with what she now realizes are oddly colored Jello shots. She picks up a little plastic cup with dark jelly in it and wiggles it around. “What color is this supposed to be?”

“Brown.” Emerie blows a piece of escaped hair out of her face. “They were supposed to be Thanksgiving themed.”

Nesta surveys the shots arranged in various fall colors. Definitely an interesting choice for a twenty-four year old law student, but what did Nesta know about parties?

“Where’s Eris?” she asks casually as she helps arrange more cups. Her argument with Emerie is far from forgotten, but the two women are too alike for their own good. They’ll ignore the lingering tension until it dissipates, and that will be the end of that.

Before Emerie can answer Nesta’s question, a loud bang comes from the entryway as the already open door hits the wall. Eris Vanserra sweeps inside in his designer coat and sophisticated boots, followed by a new, striking face. “It’s fucking freezing,” he announces, just as the new guy quietly shuts the door behind them.

“You’re late,” Emerie says in her usual flat tone.

“I had to pick up my twerp brother.” Eris tilts his head toward the redhead behind him.

“I didn’t ask to come,” the new guy, Eris’s brother, chimes in.

Nesta is perked up now, angling to get a better look at him. Same hair color, same eyes, different skin tone from Eris. He looks like the relaxed, unpretentious version of his brother. Someone pauses the video game.

“I’m Lucien,” he awkwardly raises a hand.

Justinian looks at everybody else. “I’m confused— does this mean we can finally replace Eris’s punk ass?”

The thought of an unexpected guest first makes Nesta clench up, especially when she’s seated right next to the damn guy at the dining table. New people means everything about the regular social routine will be changed up, and she isn’t at all prepared for it.

It takes maybe fifteen minutes for her to realize that Lucien is nothing to worry about— much quicker than she’s ever warmed up to a stranger before.

He has the affected quiet confidence of someone who would rather be anywhere else but here. No one knows that mask better than Nesta.

Against all odds, she’s the first to initiate a conversation.

“Why are you here?” she says bluntly.

No hello, no how are you. Fuck, this is why she doesn’t talk to people.

Lucien looks surprised at the sudden acknowledgment, but answers, “My plans got cancelled at the last minute.” His mouth tightens as he looks toward his brother. “So Eris dragged me here instead.”

“You don’t like your brother?”

Lucien narrows his eyes at her, defensive. “Is this an interrogation or something?”

Embarrassment heats Nesta’s face, but she hides it under her usual cold stare. “Never mind.”

She turns back to her food, refocusing on an anecdote Isaac is giving about a girl he met the other week. A moment later, Lucien says lowly, “I can’t stand my brother.”

She laughs a little too loudly at that, and everyone looks at her.

Isaac grins. “See, Nesta thinks it’s a funny story.”

Nesta frowns. “No, I don’t. You told it last week and no one laughed.”

His face falls. Eris laughs out loud at him, and Emerie tosses wadded up napkins at both men. “You’re both deeply uninteresting. Let’s talk about me.”

She launches into a heated discussion about how she plans to defeat “that bitch Brian” for the internship at Velaris’s biggest law firm next summer, with Eris interjecting that she wouldn’t survive a day in the big city. Nesta turns back to Lucien. “I understand how you feel.”

“You hate Eris too?”

“No, but I have sisters.” Eris is nice, if a pretentious asshole at times, but she empathizes with Lucien either way.

He raises a brow. “And you’re here for Thanksgiving instead of with them?”

For the first time all night, Nesta remembers that Cassian is having fun in a spacious penthouse with Feyre and Elain and the others, likely eating much nicer food than store-bought turkey and Jello shots, and she almost deflates. Almost. Because as much as she enjoys this— spending time with people that belong to her, not Feyre or anybody else— there’s a hollow space in the room that Cassian usually fills. She doesn’t know how she can miss someone and be this thoroughly content at the same time, but she tries not to ponder on her feelings.

She shrugs at Lucien’s question. “We’re all here instead of with our families.”

What would have been a thirty-minute meal on Nesta’s own stretches into a long night of full bellies and fuller conversation. Justinian demands a toast in honor of Friendsgiving, and Emerie tells him not to pull that cringy shit, but everyone ends up raising their small Jello shots to clink against each other.

Thanksgiving might be Nesta’s favorite holiday.

***

Cassian doesn’t know what this feeling is: the itching, nervy sense of impatience that plagues him the longer dinner drags on. All he knows is that tonight Mor’s laughter is just a little too loud, and Amren’s quips are just a little too sharp, and Rhys’s stories aren’t very interesting for once.

Nothing about his friends have changed, but somehow, Cassian feels different. Empty. He can’t stop thinking about what Nesta is doing right now.

He checks his phone under the table for the sixth time in three minutes, for what, he doesn’t know. Maybe she’s in trouble and needs his help. Maybe she’s having a bad night and wants to talk to him. Maybe she’s just bored and thinking about him.

None of this is true, evidently, because his phone remains dead silent.

“Cassian.” It’s Elain’s gentle voice that draws him out of his head. “What’s it like having a roommate for once? I know you and Nesta love being alone.”

He nearly jumps out of his skin. “Alone? No we don’t. Why would we love being alone together?”

Elain looks at him like he’s grown a new head. “I didn’t mean alone together. It’s just that you’ve always spent your time boarded up in that mountain cabin on your own, and before Nesta moved in, she wouldn’t leave her apartment even to see me.”

“I never thought of it that way,” Feyre butts in. She whirls to Cassian with her hands under her chin. “All this time I was wondering what you and Nesta living together would be like, and I didn’t even consider you guys avoiding each other.”

Cassian scoffs a laugh but doesn’t know how to respond. He just wants Feyre and Elain to stop poking at this raw, fresh thing in his life before his nerves get worse, so he turns to Amren and brings up the thing he knows will shut everyone down: work. “How much longer is Rhys gonna have you playing double agent at Adriatic?” She’s been acting as brand ambassador to the West Coast-based conglomerate for the past five months, playing nice while gathering information on Night Court Inc.’s biggest competitor.

Groans resound around the table, but Amren’s eyes brighten frightfully. “If he keeps me there any longer, I might end up staying for good.”

Rhysand smiles thinly. “Amren has a crush on their new CFO. If she keeps going on about Varian’s pretty face I might pull her out of Adriatic by the end of the year.”

Just as Cassian is about to convince himself to care, his phone vibrates in his hand. Everything tunes out as he sees Nesta’s name on the screen, attached to a new text. He clicks into it.

A picture of Nesta and her friends around a dinner table pops up, smiling and laughing. His heart catches in his throat at the image.

“What did we say about phones during dinner, Cassian?” Rhysand interrupts just then.

Cassian stands up quickly, stammering, “Uh, I just need to answer this call— it’s important.” Azriel is staring up at him like he’s lost his mind, but Cassian doesn’t notice or care as he rushes out of the room with his phone in a death grip, overcome.

Alone in a hallway bathroom, he lets himself look at the picture again, hungrily absorbing every detail he couldn’t catch the first time around: her face is flushed and her hair is down, wilder than usual. Her smile is so rarely genuine that it kills him a little just to see it; he doesn’t know whether to be relieved or pained that she’s having such a good time, that she isn’t missing him like he’s missing her. A sharp-faced girl that Cassian assumes is Emerie is holding the camera, likely having stolen Nesta’s phone to demand a picture, and the two women are surrounded by guys he doesn’t recognize. Except—

The face beside Nesta’s catches Cassian’s attention, and he clicks to zoom in. “Is that Lucien Vanserra?” he mutters.

Elain’s ex gets to hang out with Nesta while he doesn’t? This is fucked.

He doesn’t have a reason for his actions as he shoves his phone into his pocket and exits the bathroom. He just knows he needs to get out of here, away from this place that’s so far from Nesta’s heart.

His keys and coat hang near the front door, and he can hear Feyre’s voice from the dining room. “Cassian? Where are you—”

The door slams behind him before she can finish.

***

Being the only one who refused to get drunk off Jello shots, Eris offers to drive Nesta home for the night.

While Lucien is passed out in the backseat without a care in the world, Nesta is so awake she can feel her nerves buzzing. She knows as soon as she leaves this car, the bittersweet loneliness that comes after a party will set in, but for now…

What a night. She sighs and lets her head fall back against the seat, a small smile gracing her lips.

“Damn,” Eris lets out a low whistle as he pulls up to the mountain cabin. “This is your place?”

She lifts her head, realizing she’s home. “Ah. It’s only a temporary living situation,” she explains. “It’s my— friend’s place.”

“Friend or sugar daddy?” Eris smirks.

Nesta scowls, grabbing her stuff and pushing open the door to leave. It’s not Eris’s fault she’s unable to take a joke about Cassian, but that doesn’t change the sensitivity of the topic.

“Hey, wait—” he calls after her.

She pauses to look back at him. He hesitates, then says, “Good night.”

“Take care of your brother,” she directs. Stepping out of his fancy car, she shuts the door and raises a hand in goodbye, watching him pull away from the cabin.

Alone in the driveway, Nesta stands under the moonlight for a long moment, letting the chill seep into her bones. She’s dawdling.

She pauses again at the front door, her hand on the doorknob. The dreaded loneliness is already coming over her, crawling over her skin and making a home in the cage of her ribs.

A whole weekend without Cassian.

Maybe she should have asked Emerie if she could stay over for the night, but a part of her knows it would have been futile. Emerie can’t replace Cassian’s constant presence, no matter how much Nesta likes her.

It’s only three days. She steels herself and unlocks the door, prepared to be greeted by darkness and hollow silence.

The first thing she notices when she steps inside is the sound of crackling, followed by a warm glow from the living area. The lights are all off, but the fireplace is ablaze.

Nesta’s brows furrow, confused, but then she sees on the couch— “Cassian?”

***

a/n: i know justinian and isaac are names for side characters that sjm has used before but in this case they're completely different ocs.

taglist: @ladywitchling @sjm-things @thewayshedreamed @drielecarla @sensitiveillyrian @superspiritfestival @aliveahaahahafuck @cupcakey00 @sayosdreams @rainbowcheetah512 @claralady @thebluemartini @nessiantho @missing-merlin @duskandstarlight @lucy617 @sleeping-and-books @everything-that-i-love @cassianscool @awesomelena555 @julemmaes @wickedqueenoffantasy @poisonous-bloom @observationanxioustheorist @gisellefigue08 @courtofjurdan @theoverlyenthusiasticwriter @wolfiixxx @cass-nes @seashade @royaltykxx @illyrianundercover @queenestarcheron @monstrousloves-explodinggalaxies @humanexile @that-golden-lyre @agentsofsheilds @mercy-is-alive @cassiansbigwingspan @laylaameer01 @verypaleninja

#a favor #nessian #nesta archeron #cassian #ncssianwrites #nessian fic #nessian au

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twdmusicboxmystery · 3 years

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TWD 11x06: On the Inside - Analysis

Okay, how did everyone like this episode? I loved it! It might be my favorite episode of the season so far. Partly because of all the horror movie vibes and jump scares. I thought that was delightful. And Lauren Ridloff did an amazing job. But more than that, it's because of all the symbolism and what I think this represents. Seriously, I think I might have like fifty-six theories come out of this one episode, LOL. Not brand-new theories, but just connecting symbols in a way I haven't before. For now, let's talk about the broad arcs here and what they mean.

***As always, spoilers abound below for 11x06. Don’t read until you’ve watched! You’ve been warned!***

Basically, we’re following two storylines in this episode. The first is Connie and Virgil. The second is Daryl, Leah, and the Reapers. I suppose you could call Kelly and Carol looking for Connie a third story line, but given that they're searching for Connie, it's really just a subplot of Connie's arc.

Connie and Virgil:

There are a lot of people saying that they might be setting Connie and Virgil up as romantic partners. I think that's probably the case, for a lot of reasons. They were very purposely put together in this house. After the episode, Angela Kang talked about how Virgil basically had to suppress part of his heart in order to get through the death of his family. That's why he seemed a little bit villainous when we first met him with Michonne.

Actually, we're seeing a major theme here that we've seen with other characters. Near the end of the episode, Virgil tells Connie, "I lost myself for a long time." It's very reminiscent of what Michonne said to Carl in 4x14. It's a theme we see where the character goes through some kind of trauma, and the aftermath of that trauma is very much a PTSD thing. They lose themselves to insanity for short time, but then someone is able to bring them back. We see this with many characters over the years. And this is something they're doing with Virgil. So this was Virgil kind of coming back to reality. Michonne gave him the chance to come back first, but he also says that her giving him that second chance led him to Connie and he sees that as Providence.

So basically, A.K. is saying that Virgil lost a big chunk of his heart when his family died, but he's rediscovering it here with Connie. And that's very important. I can't imagine them saying that, or him having this kind of arc, if there isn’t going to be a romance between them. Which, for the record, I think is cute. I totally ship it. (Totally objective over here. As always, of course. ;-))

But the big question is, what does this foreshadow? I'll give you three guesses and the first two don't count.

I think this is a foreshadow of Beth and Daryl. I'm sure you're shocked to your toenails. I'll give you a moment to recover. Good? Okay.

A lot of us got Alone vibes from this episode. Just the two of them in house together. The undercurrent of possible romance between them. There's even a hug at one point.

Actually, the white, plantation style house with the white pillars immediately struck a cord with me. Back when they were filming the missing scenes from S5, they filmed in a house just like this one. it wasn’t the “white cabin” as we always refer to the house Emily was seen going into. But it was next door to that one and had a sign up about not mowing the lawn because it would be used for filming.

I don’t know if this is actually the same house, but I’m willing to bet that this will end up having parallels to something we see when we finally get those missing scenes.

Once they get inside the house, we see Connie holding the door shut against walkers. It's very reminiscent of Daryl doing that at the funeral home in Alone.

The thing is, I don't even think callbacks to Alone are the big cheese. (For the record, we also saw them around Kelly, but I'll get to that in a minute.)

Because more than being a call back, this is a foreshadow. It represents some time in the future when Beth and Daryl will be together inside the CRM and trying to escape. Remember that “No Exit” sign in Beth’s cell?

We have a situation here where Connie and Virgil are trying to get out and there's literally no exit. All the doors are locked, they’re being trapped everywhere they go, they get separated. Even when Connie is in the wall, looking at Virgil, she wants to warn him of things, but she has no way to get into the room with him. There's literally no exit for her.

There are so many parallels to Beth and Daryl.

They emphasize the fact that Connie is lost. After getting out of the cave and walking around for walkers for so long, she clearly lost her bearings and doesn't know where she is or which way to go to get to Alexandria. It puts me in mind of the scene from 6x10, where Carl was talking to Judith and said if she was ever LOST and needed to find her way HOME, she should use the North Star. This is another way in which Connie is being paralleled to Beth. She's lost and needs to find her way home.

Virgil talks about wanting to get Connie HOME. To get her back to her family (which just so happens to be her sister). Of course there's the undercurrent of romance.

I also couldn't help but notice outlets throughout the episode. This house is very dilapidated and dirty. There's grime and rust and darkness everywhere. But we can very clearly see the outlets on the walls, as though they’re brand-new. I believe that's to draw our attention to them. Outlets suggest power, which suggests lamps or batteries.

Remember how I said that the whole battery theory is about resources and that it indicates the CRM? This is why I think this house represents the CRM. And I'm not at all saying that at some point, we’ll see Beth and Daryl running through a house together, as Connie and Virgil do here, trying to escape some threat. I think this represents a much bigger arc of them being inside the CRM and trying to get out. It will probably span a lot of episodes, maybe even multiple seasons.

At one point, we see a red coda pendant hanging in the window behind Virgil. Remember that, via the Matrix theory, red represents the outside world that TF is currently unaware of, and of course Coda suggests Beth. That’s a big part of the evidence for this template being a foreshadow of Beth and Daryl.

I’ll go over all the background details tomorrow, but pretty much every detail I found suggests what I've laid out here. I'm going to do completely separate post on the awake/asleep theme as well as the mailbox theme. That one stemmed from last week's episode (11x05), but I haven't gotten a chance to post it yet. And of course we saw the mailbox feature prominently in this episode as well.

We also have a situation where Virgil basically tells Connie to go on without him and that it’s very important to him that she gets home. And then he gets stabbed, and she not only saves him, but pulls him out of the house. We’ve always said that we think there will be a time when Beth will save Daryl. I think this is a foreshadow of it.

I think we'll have a situation (again, much bigger than what we see here in the single episode) where Daryl will be willing to sacrifice himself, his life, to get Beth back to Maggie. Of course she's not going to allow him to do that, but he'll probably be hurt very badly.

(And for the record, I think we've seen foreshadows of this and other arcs. Daryl getting hurt when fighting Alpha was probably a foreshadow of the same thing. I'm sure we could identify others.) I think he will be hurt and Beth will save him, and that will happen as they’re figuring out how to get out of the CRM.

To touch on Kelly’s side of things, we see her find a camp that Virgil and Connie had previously been at. She finds Connie’s stuff there, and the orange backpack that Virgil must have left behind. The thing that jumped out at me here is that, in the foreground, we saw ropes around the camp with cans attached as an alert system.

That was featured very prominently in Alone, both because Daryl set up something like that at the funeral home and also because the other half of that episode was about Maggie/Sasha/Bob and they did the same thing in their camp. So again, major callbacks to Alone, and to what this is probably foreshadowing.

But my favorite thing about this was connections that I made. Things that kind of confirm events we’ve suspected in 4B, but have never been able to prove. Let me explain.

First, there’s the reunion between Connie and Kelly. And this really jumped out at me. Not only because it's two sisters reuniting, but because of the way it was shown.

When approaching Connie, Kelly is crying and says, "I'm sorry." And that's out of character or out of place in any way. She’s sorry that for what happened to Connie and that it took them so long to find her. All that is completely understandable. But at the same time, Kelly has no reason to feel bad about what happened to Connie. It wasn't her fault, and she's been a dutiful sister looking for her intensively ever since.

But I think the “I'm sorry” will make a lot more sense if we hear Maggie saying it to Beth, given everything that's happened, and especially what happened in S5. I mean, Beth did get left behind.

The other thing is that when they see each other and then hug, the background music almost sounds angelic, like a choir. I mean, they really wanted this to be a big deal, the reunion between these two sisters. And not that the Kelly and Connie's reunion isn't a big deal. It's very sweet, but I feel like this a foreshadow something much bigger. And what other reunion between sisters could qualify for something like that except Maggie and Beth, who didn't get the reunion in season five?

We’ve always said that Connie was a proxy for Beth, and that the cave-in, followed by her being missing was a parallel to Beth’s arc. So, this arc ending in Connie finding someone she’ll eventually have a romance with and then finding her sister is makes me very hopeful for what we'll see when Beth returns.

I have to say that this is kind of a relief to me. Because of Daryl's line back in Still about how, "you ain't never going to see Maggie again," I’ve gone back and forth about whether Beth and Maggie will actually get a reunion. Yes, there are plenty of ways to explain away that line, and I don't disagree with any of them. But I’ve still been really back-and-forth about whether this is going to happen. After seeing Connie and Kelly really reunite, I have no doubt that eventually will see a Beth/Maggie reunion. Yay!

Next, is the fact that Virgil and Connie talk about how the people living in this house lured them into a trap.

This is talked about very much anymore, but was always but what happened in Alone was always so wonky to me. I know it was supposed to be, but the whole thing felt like it was orchestrated somehow. I mean, what happened to the dog? We hear barking, but we didn't actually see the dog again, because when Daryl open the door all the walkers were on the porch. But how did that many walkers get up to the porch without them hearing it?

When Beth and Daryl sat in the kitchen staring at each other, they heard the cans rattle and then at the dog bark. I think that the idea was that Daryl thought it was the dog moving the cans and that's why he was going to open the door and get it to come in. He didn't understand that there were walkers there. But why didn't they hear the walkers? More importantly, why would that many walkers go up to the door if they couldn't see any humans on the inside? It's completely weird behavior for walkers. And then when Beth leaves the house, she just happens to be picked up by a car?

Like I said, I just always felt like the whole thing was really orchestrated, but even at Grady, we were never told that it was. Gorman suggested to Beth that they happened upon her accidentally. Of course, Gorman is the opposite of trustworthy, but we also understand better now the way that these episodes are often approached. We sometimes see things from one character's point of view over another. Clearly, Slabtown was seen from Beth’s point of view, so if she couldn't see the truth about what happened, that's why we couldn’t neither.

My point is, in this episode, Virgil says that he and Connie were herded there like prey. These feral people apparently went to the camp (Kelly says the left in a hurry and something was very wrong, and I think she's right. Given that Virgil and Connie left all their stuff behind; Connie would not have left behind her slingshot on purpose). Which means the creatures came to their camp, scared them away, chase them toward the house, herding them that way, in order to eat them.

Now, I'm not saying that's specifically what happened in Alone, but I think it kind of proves that what happened was an orchestrated trap that was set up to capture Beth.

And we do get the sense from what Noah told her that Grady purposely left the strong behind and took the weak. So, I'm not sure if Beth and Daryl were actually herded toward the funeral home. From what we saw, it really was more like they happened upon it. But I'm wondering if once there, someone observed them, or observed them approaching, and decided that they would be optimal targets. Given that Beth was injured (which they would have known if they saw Daryl giving her the piggy back) obviously it would always be her that was taken, while Daryl—obviously the more survival-oriented of the two—would be left behind.

And I love this connection because it proves (as far as we can prove theories 😉) that there are things they haven’t shown us, not just in S5 with the missing 17 days, but reaching all the way back to S4.

The other thing that's just kind of cool to consider is that, as I said before, the other half of the episode was about Maggie/Sasha/Bob, right? There are a lot of things that their sequence foreshadows as well. And in the episode, Maggie is specifically looking for Glenn, not Beth. However, given that this episode with Connie and Virgil also featured Kelly, Connie’s sister, looking for her, it just doesn't seem like it could possibly be a coincidence that the other half of Alone was Maggie searching for someone. What I’m saying is that both Alone and this episode, 11x06, foreshadow what will happen when Maggie and Beth reunite. I'm sure I could go into the details of Alone find a lot of connections, but I don't have time to do that right now. Maybe during the hiatus. Maybe. ;-).

Daryl and Leah:

Okay, I guess we need to talk about Daryl and Leah’s part of this episode as well. I don't have as much say about the symbolism for them. This is really more about where this is going.

Daryl tortures Frost, which I'm sure some people are going to have a problem with. But A.K. said that this is really about Daryl wanting to stay on the inside with the Reapers. As I said after ep 4, Frost is smart and he understands what Daryl is doing. A.K. said he did exactly what Daryl wanted to do him to do here. Daryl wanted him to give them a basic location but not an exact one. In other words, to tell them the neighborhood but not the exact house. And that's exactly what Frost did. Angela says Daryl did this because he was trying to save Frost’s life. Unfortunately, by the end of the episode, we see that didn't work out so well. But he was attempting to save him.

You have to watch the details closely to pick this up, but the first house that Daryl, Leah, and Carver go to is not the house Maggie is in. That's why Daryl says they should stick around and look around for things, because he knew Maggie wasn't there and wanted to give her time to escape. But the second house we see them go into is where Maggie and co are hiding under the floorboards.

At first, it seems to be empty, but when Daryl comes downstairs, he sees the place where they might be hiding and slides the rug over it. In the end, Carver sees it and checks, but Maggie and the others have already made their escape.

I had to stop and think about that for a minute. Since Beth wore yellow and we think yellow equals life and escape, I would have thought the yellow house would be where Maggie and the others were hiding and then escaped from. That would've made more logical sense. But actually, the yellow house was a decoy.

It gave me a whole new insight into the meaning behind the color yellow in TWD universe.

I still think yellow represents escape, among other things. But it also represents looking for someone in the wrong place. Even if you think about Rick’s mini death fake out in 7x12, there was probably only 12 feet between where Michonne thought he was (right side of the screen being eaten by walkers) and where he actually was (left side of the screen coming out of the yellow carnival car) but still, she was looking for him in the wrong place and assumed he was dead because of it.

I also thought of the Glenn situation in S4. Maggie looked for him on the school bus (yellow). And in both cases, it was because that’s where Rick/Glenn were last seen, but what was UNSEEN was how they ESCAPED. So, TF was looking for them in the wrong place.

And I’m sure something similar will happen with Beth during the missing 17 days. It doesn’t really change what we believe happened with Beth, but it makes me want to re-examine every yellow reference we’ve ever seen on the show, which is probably hundreds by now, lol.

At one point, Carver is coming down the stairs and Daryl runs over to him and starts talking really fast. He says that they (Maggie’s group) will not to come back here, that it wouldn’t be smart, etc. The first time I watched it, I remember thinking that Daryl was being really obvious. It made him seem nervous and like he was hiding something. And he probably was somewhat nervous. The reason he ran over Carver right then, is because he didn't want Carver to see the hiding place where Maggie and the others were (because Daryl himself noticed it when he was coming down the stairs).

But the other thing to remember is that Daryl knows Maggie and the others are down there. He was using this to give them information. He talks about how the Reapers have walls and weapons, twenty people inside their town, etc. That is also him getting Maggie information so she would know what they're up against. It was actually very smart on his part, even if it kind of tipped Carver off.

By the end, they returned to Pope and find that Frost is dead. I thought it was super weird and creepy that Pope started laughing when Carver said they had lost Maggie's group. That's very out of character for him. Angela Kang said Pope was purposely playing mind games to make Daryl and Leah paranoid, but even so. That laugh was just maniacal.

So, not sure exactly where this is going, or what Pope's plans are. He kind of suggests that maybe Frost turned on Daryl and sold him out before he died. I doubt that's true, but Pope also strikes me as the kind of guy who, if he's decided Daryl is an enemy, doesn't actually need proof of it. So, we'll just have to see where this goes.

Okay, that's it for today. I'll do details tomorrow. How did you all like the episode?

#beth greene #beth greene lives #beth is alive #beth is coming #td theory #td theories #team delusional #team defiance #beth is almost here #bethyl

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angelikook · 3 years

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Pas de Deux

Pairing(s): Dance teacher!Hoseok x reader

Genre: Hurt/comfort, fluff

Word Count: 6.7k

Warning(s): Profanity

Summary: Your dance teacher, Hoseok, might teach you a bit more than just dancing.

A/n Moral of the story, never seek validation from anyone. You can do whatever you want as long as you're happy and you're not doing anything wrong.

There will be a mention about Blue Side and its meanings. Check this link for the complete analysis (it's in Indonesian). Shout out to the writer for the in-depth analysis.

There were days when you wished you were more flexible. Or athletic. Or both.

Like today for instance.

Your weekly Friday-night private dance class didn’t look too good as usual. First of all, you had a literal dance God stood in front of you as your dance teacher. In front of him, you looked like a baby giraffe learning how to stand on four wobbly legs.

During the past few months you’ve been his student, through ups and downs that had more downs, his smile never faltered, his energy never died out, and his patience never ran out.

Every time you fell on your bruising butt, he only held out his hand to you and put on that million-dollar smile of his. Sometimes- Scratch that- Most of the times, you felt bad when you fell for the nth time in the span of an hour. Other times, you felt bad after your first fall. You definitely didn’t want him to think you were unworthy of his time and attention. That was the worst way a person can embarrass themself.

Your teacher, who went with the name Hoseok, and stage name j-hope, once again danced real slow in hope you could follow him. You both moved at a snail’s pace, but of course, your lack of athleticism wouldn’t let you go for 10 minutes without falling.

Out of nowhere, one of your feet caught up in the other one and made you stumble. And with that, your body unceremoniously collapsed. It was like any other times you had fallen, but unlike those times, you heard a loud crack coming from your foot.

“Oh, shit! Are you alright?” Hoseok stopped instantly and squatted beside you. “Of course you’re not fine. Why did I even ask that?” He mumbled more to himself.

“Which foot was fractured? Can you try moving them?”

You, ever so carefully, tried to move each of your feet. Weirdly enough, you were pretty sure your left one was the one fractured, but you felt a sharp pain when you moved your right one.

You voiced your thoughts, “Umm… I’m not sure which one is fractured. I think it’s the left one, but the right one is more painful.”

Hoseok sighed. “We need to go to the hospital. Here, let me carry you.”

“Wait, I-”

Like you weighed nothing, he heaved you and carried you bridal style. Instinctively, you circled your arms around his neck, his very sweaty and veiny neck. But during this critical moment, a sweaty neck wasn’t on the top of your priorities.

“I don’t think this is necessary,” you said even though the pain on your feet had subsided a bit from being lifted off the ground.

“Absolutely.” He grabbed your bag and turned off the lights. “It would be better if we can use the stretcher, but since I’m alone, we have to settle with this. Sorry if this is uncomfortable.” He walked out of the studio and locked it before walking off to the parking lot.

You estimated that the entire walk from the studio to the parking lot must’ve taken around 10 minutes. At this point, you were 100% sure you felt like a dead weight for him. Yet, he still kept walking while holding you as if it was nothing. It was either you overestimated your weight, or he was stronger than you thought. Your bet was on the second one.

During the ride to the hospital, you racked your brain for a way to say thank you while actually sounding like you were grateful instead of just for formality. But after minutes had passed, you came up with nothing so you just settled with the old “thank you so much”. You just prayed he could see your sincerity through you.

“Don’t mention it. This is what I always do every time someone is injured.”

True to his words, when he entered the emergency room with you in his arms, a nurse yelled his name and directed you two to an empty bed.

“What happened?” the nurse asked as Hoseok carefully lowered you on the bed.

In an instant, the comforting heat radiating off of him disappeared. In exchange for his warmth, you felt the cold mattress and the typical freezing hospital room.

“The usual. But she said that both her feet hurt.” He gestured to you.

“I’m going to call a doctor, okay?” Without waiting for an answer from you, the nurse left.

Once the doctor came, you explained in detail what happened with Hoseok butting in sometimes to add completely unnecessary details. He said things like, “we were almost done with the class”, or, “we were alone there.” Lucky for him, your pain stopped you from wanting to strangle him.

You talked more about possible treatments, how long it would take, and most importantly, how much it would cost. In the end, it was decided that you needed an x-ray.

“You can leave now if you want. I’ll be alright,” you told him right after the doctor told you to wait for the x-ray. The guilt of making him do all of these was starting to eat you inside out.

You had felt guilty from falling multiple times, and now you fell to the point you broke your ankle. If it was possible, you felt ten thousand times more guilty. And the fact that he wasn’t even complaining at least once made you feel like a disappointment.

Maybe it was better if the earth swallowed you whole right now.

He shook his head as he sat on the chair beside the bed. “No way. How will you get home?”

Crap, he was right. There was no way you could walk by yourself after all this. Or call a taxi. Just imagining you had to wear a cast and a crutch already made you shudder. This was going to be a long month, or months, for you.

“You must feel tired now. You’ve been here for-” You glanced at the clock behind his head. “-around an hour now.”

“Do you have a friend you can call over?”

The question hit you more than it should’ve. Your friends, the same people who indirectly forced you to try dancing, all lived across the city. You knew there was no way they would be willing to spend their Friday night at the hospital with you. In your mind, you could already imagine them going out on a fancy dinner, cuddling with their partner, or watching a movie.

Your lack of response was an answer in itself.

“It’s okay. I don’t have anything to do anyways.”

“You don’t have any more students? Tonight? Tomorrow?”

He shook his head. “You’re my last student for the week.” He stopped for a while before continuing, “And my most interesting one.”

You cocked your head to the side. “Interesting? How?”

“You made me think of… things, basically, clearly.”

“Like what?”

He took a deep breath before answering, “I’ve been the best dancer, performer, whatever you wanna call it. And after I started teaching too, I became the best dance teacher in the city. Like, you must’ve already known that from the tariffs of my classes.”

You nodded.

“But since you came to my class a few months ago, things have changed. I just lost… my confidence in my teaching. Maybe my methods are wrong or I need a different approach or maybe-” His words caught in his throat. “-I don’t cut it to be a teacher.”

Your eyes widened at his words. He had mistaken your inability to do athletic stuff for his bad teaching.

“I think you got it all wrong,” you said urgently.

You didn’t want him to think he was a bad teacher. He was, in fact, far from that. So far, you’ve never met a teacher even half as nice as him or half as understanding as him.

He furrowed his eyebrows. “How?”

You hesitated for a moment. Were you really going to out yourself? Your heart screamed, “yes!” at that.

“Well, you see, I’m not the best at, you know, physical stuff. I was actually setting myself up for failure by trying out dancing.” You saw him frowning even further. You let out a nervous giggle. This was a bad idea, but you were already in too deep anyways. “I know this is confusing. My friends have told me that a lot of times.”

A few seconds of silence passed. Hoseok just stared at you, probably trying to figure you out, who knew. You were just weird like that.

Finally he broke the silence. “Can you drive?”

The question caught you off guard. “What?”

“Driving?”

“Of course I can.” You looked down on your injured feet. “Well, not for a while, I guess.”

“And I take it you never accidentally kill someone, right? Or else you wouldn’t be here, you’d be in jail.”

This time, you were the one frowning. Where was this conversation heading? Nonetheless, you nodded your head, answering his question silently.

He, for the first time after you broke your ankle, broke into a grin. “Then you’ll be fine. And I don’t think you set yourself up for failure.” He pouted. “Don’t ever say that again.”

You smiled back at him. “Okay.”

A few moments later, you were called to do an x-ray.

Wordlessly, Hoseok hoisted you up and put you on a wheelchair he found nearby. With that, he pushed you towards the x-ray room. You weren't going to lie for the fact that it kinda felt nice to be pushed by a handsome guy. On the other side, it only made you feel even more guilty.

Once you arrived in front of said room, a nurse took you in and told Hoseok to wait outside.

With your clumsiness, this obviously wasn’t your first time getting x-rayed. So you didn’t really feel nervous, not at all. Plus, you were significantly older than the last time you got x-rayed. There was nothing to be scared of, right?

Who were you kidding? Of course you’d be scared. Your heart thumped loudly against your chest, you wondered if the nurse could hear it. Probably she could, but even if she could, she didn’t say anything.

Okay, then. Maybe you should focus on something else. What about something to tell Hoseok about his fear? You didn’t do a great job of comforting him. Instead, he was the one comforting you. The hell was that about, Y/n?

Without you even realizing, since you were so focused on Hoseok’s fear, the x-ray was over and you were pushed out of the room. Phew… Wasn’t that easy? But you still haven’t thought of something to tell Hoseok, though. Nevermind, you’d probably be better off improvising.

Hoseok sat on the long bench in front of the x-ray room with a small plastic bag in his hand. You were sure he didn’t have that before. Beside him, sat the nurse who accepted you into the emergency room who now was talking animatedly to him.

For the first time since you entered the hospital, you got the chance to take a good look at the nurse.

Her outfit hugged her curves perfectly, no weird bumps or creases. It was as if the fit was tailored just for her. Her hair was up and away from her face in a tight and neat bun. Her makeup faded here and there from the long hours of working, no surprise there. And her glasses only complemented her whole look, making her look beautiful yet strong at the same time.

Looking at her made you wonder about how you looked in comparison.

You were still in your work out clothes that you designated for dancing. They were saggy in weird places as a sign of old age and definitely had been left forgotten in your wardrobe for a long time because you didn’t work out. The leather in your shoes also flaked in some places, indicating that you needed to buy a new pair. You knew not to buy them, though, remembering you weren’t athletic.

As you looked down on your clothes, you realized there was a giant blob of sauce stain just in between your boobs. Where- What? How did you get that? And why hadn’t you realized it until now?

You abruptly stopped yourself from self pity as the nurse pushed you closer to them. If you didn't have beauty or grace or sexiness, at least you had confidence.

The nurse Hoseok was talking to was the first to notice your arrival.

She stood up and asked you, “Are you alright? Do you need a painkiller?”

She was nice, too. No wonder Hoseok would be interested in her.

For a second you imagined what it felt like for someone to be interested in you. You haven’t felt that in a long time. Not that you missed the feeling, you were content with being single and had no intention to date anyone. At least not while your ankles still hurt.

You shook your head. “It’s not that painful.” You turned to the nurse who pushed your wheelchair. “When will the result come out?”

“In a few minutes. For now, you can wait here or in the emergency room.”

You looked at Hoseok, expecting him to answer for you.

He immediately took the cue. “We’ll wait here. Thank you.”

“Alright. I’ll direct you to the doctor’s office once the results are out.”

You mumbled a “thank you” before the nurse left.

The other nurse, who talked to Hoseok earlier, though, didn’t leave as much as you wanted her to. Instead, she sat back beside him and continued the conversation like nothing happened. Like you weren’t even there.

“When I get off my shift later, do you want to grab supper?” she asked while batting her thick lashes. Were nurses allowed to wear fake lashes, you wondered.

Just like the Hoseok you knew, he turned down the offer politely. “Sorry, I don’t really eat supper.”

She pouted in an attempt to look cute. But honestly, with the makeup and sexy clothes, her cuteness was uncalled for.

Gosh you wished you were as sexy or pretty as her, surely you could get any man you want. Nope, you were still happy with being single.

“What about tomorrow? I get bored on Saturdays.”

“I-” His eyes flicked around the room. “I need to check my schedule first.”

Her face lit up. “Text me, okay?” And just like how she didn’t wait for your answer earlier, she left without waiting for his.

You grimaced at their awkward conversation. “She seems… nice.” It came out more like a question.

He exhaled long and hard as if he held his breath the entire time. “And too much.”

“What-?” you sputtered. “She was blatantly asking you out.”

“Yeah, I know that. That’s why she’s too much.”

A question crossed your mind. “Have you known each other for a long time?”

“Not really. But since the number of my students blew up, injuries became more common, so...”

“Oh.” You nodded understandingly.

You suddenly remembered that you had to comfort him.

“You’re actually a great teacher, you know. At least that’s the review from Google. You have 4.8 stars! That’s awesome.” At this point you just blurted out anything nice to him. “My favorite restaurant only has 3.6 stars.” And by anything, you meant everything.

He furrowed his eyebrows. “Thanks?"

“No problem.”

“What about you, though? What do you think of my teaching skills?”

Once again, his questions caught you off guard.

It was still fresh in your mind about the day you signed up for a class with him. How he answered all your questions with his smile never leaving his face. The day of your first class with him, he explained the basics with so much patience. He never said no whenever you asked him to show the moves again and again and again. And today, he took you to the hospital and even waited with you through all the procedures.

He was an extraordinary teacher. And person.

But there was no way you could say all that. It would only embarrass you more.

“I think you’re… nice.”

He furrowed his eyebrows deeper at your words. He surely would get wrinkles early if he kept frowning like that. And that would be so bad for his handsome face.

Okay, maybe it was better if you said all that in the first place.

“I mean,” you spoke up again, trying to redeem yourself. “You’re the best teacher I’ve ever met. You’re nice, understanding, and patient. Something I rarely see in other teachers.” And handsome, you wanted to add, but it was a story for another day.

He finally no longer furrowed his eyebrows.

“May I ask you a question?” he asked quietly.

Another question from him wouldn't hurt, right? “Sure.”

“Why did you decide to try dancing if you knew you weren’t good with ‘physical stuff’?” He did the airquote thing. “Sorry if it’s too personal.”

“No, it’s alright.” You chuckled. “Remember the friends that kept telling me I’m clumsy?”

He nodded.

“Well, they were kinda the reason.”

“Okay…”

You took a deep inhale. “We’ve been friends since the third grade of primary school. We’re basically inseparable. But as close as we are, we have different lives.”

“I understand.”

“One is an athlete. She’s a swimmer and takes part in a lot of national championships. The second one is not as athletic, but she does golf in her free time. She’s extremely good, though. The last one is a pole dancer and she really takes pride in it. So far, I’m the only one who doesn’t really do physical things. In fact, I’m not into physical activities at all.”

“That’s alright. Everyone is different. What do you do?”

“I loved studying.”

“Loved?”

You took multiple deep breaths to prepare yourself to come with the truth. “They always make fun of me for liking reading over physical activities. Until one point I can’t even look at books anymore.” You bit your bottom lip. “They even made a different pact and left me out.”

Books were an important part of your life. And reading was the only time when you could let yourself go from the harshness of the world. The time when you could forget your problems, or even who you were, for a little while. Knowing your friends didn’t like that made you question yourself.

“I think studying is important.” He commented. “If no one is studying, no one will get to be anything.”

“I know that. And I wanted to learn how to be more physically active. That’s why I took this dancing class.” Then you added, ”It’s actually my last resort. I’ve tried and failed other activities.”

“I don’t think you should listen to them. Even your oldest friends can’t be right all the time.” He smiled reassuringly. “Thanks for sharing your problem with me. I’m gonna show you just how amazing non-physical activities can be.”

He looked down on his lap and immediately handed you the plastic bag he'd been holding. "The nurse gave it to me, but you can have it instead."

You accepted the bag and peered inside. There was a loaf of bread, still looking fresh and warm.

After that, everything just flew by. Maybe because you were tired and the day was almost over, or maybe because you had Hoseok beside you, who made waiting felt fun. Or maybe both, who knew.

Soon the results came out and the nurse took you to the doctor’s office with Hoseok following in tow. The doctor explained everything and helped you, along with Hoseok, to get used to walking with crutches. You were also given some pills to ease the pain. And after all that, off you go.

You were back in Hoseok’s car, heading home. Somehow, the smell of his obnoxious orange car freshener smelt comforting compared to the hospital’s disinfectant.

“You really shouldn’t have waited for me.” You glanced at the time on your phone. It was almost midnight. “It’s really late now. I’ll have to give you a big tip later.”

He laughed. It sounded like heaven in your ears. “There’s no need for that. I’m just concerned with your health. Plus, I do this to all of my students. Think of it like part of my service.”

You giggled. “Alright, if you say so.”

He snorted. “One time, a student was even left all day in the hospital by their parents so I had to wait overnight until they came.”

“That’s horrible. Don’t they care about their kid?”

"They do. But they care more about their alcohol."

"I take it they were drunk while their kid was injured?"

"Apparently their stress response is getting drunk."

"Oh my…"

"When I say you're not even half bad as my other students, you have to believe it."

Proving to you one more time about how much of a gentleman he was, once you arrived at your apartment building, he parked his car and helped you out of the car. He guided you all the way to your apartment, making sure you weren't hurt on the way. Maybe you really should find a man like him. Or maybe… him himself?

Nah, you weren’t looking for a partner, remember?

He helped you settle down and was about to leave when he stopped in the middle of the doorway.

He turned around. “Wait. Do you live here alone?”

“Why?”

Instead of answering your question, he blurted another question. “Does your family live nearby?”

“They live outside of the city. Why?”

He looked like he was deep in thought before shaking his head. “Nothing. I’ll just come back tomorrow to help you since you’re alone.”

You weren’t one to stop a handsome guy from helping you, but you already owed so many favours for him.

“You have a date with the nurse, remember?”

He scoffed. “I told her I need to check my schedule. Looks like it’ll be full.”

Okay…

A question suddenly came out of your mouth, "Why do you keep helping me? I have no use for you. I can't attend your classes anymore."

It was true. You wouldn’t be able to do any physical activities, including dancing, for a few months. Not to mention your lack of athletic abilities that would demotivate you from trying to dance again even after you recovered.

At first, he looked startled. His eyes widened and mouth agape. But then he quickly regained his composure before answering, "Is it wrong if I think of us as… friends? Are we not friends after all of this?" He gestured to your leg.

You gestured to your surroundings. "But friends don't do this. My friends don’t do this.”

"Don’t base your understanding on them. They're not good friends, Y/n. I'm sorry.”

“But-” You really wanted to counter his argument, defend your oldest friends. But you knew deep down that he was right and there was nothing you could do.

“Let me be a good friend for you, okay?" he said as he linked his pinky to yours. Marking his promise and the start of your friendship.

He wasn’t one to break promises and you knew it firsthand. Had you known him before, you would’ve tossed your friends long ago.

Over the course of a week, he’d shown you care more than what you’ve gotten from your friends your entire friendship.

He cooked you breakfast, because he said that you had to stop eating junk food if you wanted to recover fast.

“Athletic or not, health is very important,” he said.

“Yes.”

“That means you need to eat healthy, Y/n.” He rolled his eyes. “And don’t even try to give me the puppy eyes, it won’t work on me.”

He force fed you your meds when you intentionally forgot about them.

“I put your meds directly beside your glass and you still managed to forget?” he yelled. “Drink it, or I’ll leave this instant.”

At his threat, you immediately took them. You enjoyed his company and weren’t ready to have him leaving you.

Because he noticed how sullen you looked when you realized you couldn’t go out, he tried to cheer you up by dancing crazily to a song playing on the TV. He waved his arms randomly and went around you while yelling incomprehensibly.

“Can you feel the energy, Y/n?” he asked in between his yells.

“No. Stop before the neighbors complain! You’re too loud!” You cupped both ears with your hands.

“Tell me you feel the energy then I’ll stop.”

You chuckled. “Fine. Yes, I feel the energy. Now, stop!”

He abruptly stopped and threw himself beside you on the couch.

“Ew, you’re sweaty. Get off of my couch!”

Among everything that Hoseok had to help you with, adulting was the hardest. In particular, the working part of adulting. Obviously, you needed to take a leave for a month and in order to do that, you first had to go through your boss’ wrath. Fortunately, a certain man with the stage name j-hope was ready to help you.

“It’s gonna be easy. I mean, how scary can bosses be.” He dismissed your worries with a wave of his hand.

“Very scary, I warn you.”

Contrary to his belief, after the phone call with your boss ended, Hoseok was scarred for life. Bosses were indeed scary, especially your boss.

With wide eyes, he whispered, “Never ask me to call your boss again. He’s literally a devil in disguise.”

“But did I get permission to take a leave?”

“Oh, shit! I forgot about that.”

“Hoseok!”

When he had a class to teach, you tried to fill the void by texting your older friends. But as expected, they instead made you even worse.

One said, "Hope you get well soon. We'll come back once we're not too busy."

What about the two others? Well, they only read and liked your messages.

That was alright, right? They all had their own lives and were probably busy. It wasn’t like your injury was a big deal anyways… right? There was no need for them to be worried about you or shower you with attention or visit you. Yeah, that was absolutely normal… not.

There was no need for moping around, though. The next day, your old friends and your knight in hypebeast clothes came over. Yes, said knight was Hoseok. Yes, they came at the same time. It was okay to have a handsome man and your way-past-hormonal-stage friends to be in the same place at the same time. Or at least that was what you initially thought.

"Y/n," one of your friends said with a frown on her face. "What happened? We were so worried."

You almost wanted to roll your eyes. They didn't seem that worried when you texted them yesterday.

“And who’s this?” another friend asked while staring at Hoseok. And it wasn’t a nice stare either, more like a judging stare.

You scowled, but still tried to keep some decency. “This is my friend slash dance teacher, Hoseok. Hoseok, these are my friends that I told you about.”

The last one of your friends was the first to shake his hand. “Wow. Is that so? I hope you only hear nice things.”

At that, both you and Hoseok faked a laugh. Your friends didn’t seem to realize though.

“Yeah, nice things indeed,” you commented once your laugh died down.

You were in the middle of talking and catching up with your friends while Hoseok interjected here and there when you needed to go to the restroom. Both to relieve yourself and to hide from the awkwardness for a while. It always felt weird to merge two friend groups.

“Guys, Imma go pee for a bit, okay?”

Hoseok instinctively stood up to help you, but you gestured to him to sit back down. “I got this, don’t worry.” You gave him a small smile and went to the bathroom.

Sure it did take longer for you to just pee compared to when you weren’t injured, but it still didn’t take too long in your opinion. The cast made everything more complicated, but not particularly harder. However, when you were flushing down the toilet, you heard some talking noises, way louder than usual. It sounded more like angry yellings. And as you were washing your hands, you heard a slam of a door. What was happening?

Couldn’t stand to not know what just happened any longer, you quickly finished your business and went out, only to find your once full-of-guests living room now bare with just Hoseok in it. All the while, Hoseok was cleaning up the coffee table while humming a tune.

“Where-?"

You didn’t even get to finish your question when he answered, “Your friends left.“

“So soon?”

He shrugged as he tossed away the cloth he used to clean. “They probably have things to do.”

“And they didn’t even say goodbye to me.” You sighed and plopped yourself on the couch. “I only heard loud noises and a door closing. They didn’t say anything to you?”

“Nope. But, I told them to get their life together before criticising people.”

Your eyes widened in surprise. Never in your friendship with your friends had you ever told them off like that. Sure they weren’t that nice, but you didn’t feel it was right to do that. Yeah, you were pretty much a coward. You scared your friends would leave you.

But to have Hoseok said that? Sure it was nice for your friends to know they were jerks, but you were surely going to lose your friends now.

You huffed and your shoulders sagged.

“What did they even do?” you asked as you watched him taking a seat beside you.

“You’ll find out. It’s better if you know it first from them.”

His answer only made you more curious and mull over what could have happened. What did they do that made a nice person like Hoseok say such a thing? Why did they leave abruptly? Would they end your friendship because of that? Would they ever explain to you what happened? So many questions were running through your head, but you couldn’t even guess the answer for any of them.

Hoseok knew how much you were distraught by what happened, so he, being the sunshine that he was, took you to watch him teaching dance to little kids.

“I’d be the oldest student there,” you whined.

“You come not as a student.” He laughed. “You come as my friend.”

“They’d be embarrassed if I watch along.”

“No way. They’re cool with it.” Then he added, “And cute.”

He wasn’t one to lie. The kids were indeed adorable. And their parents were also nice. While you were talking to the parents, the kids occasionally went to you to show you or ask you something. Mostly to ask you what happened to your foot. But one asked you a question that made your cheek heat up for the rest of the class.

“Are you Uncle Hobi’s girlfriend?”

“Oh- Umm…” you stuttered. “I-”

The parent quickly cut it before you could answer. “Don’t ask a question like that!”

“But I’m curious since he said he likes someone.”

You wondered who he liked, but you knew better than to gossip about romance with a kid. So in the end, you refrained yourself from asking.

Once the class finished, Hoseok came up to you with a proud grin and a sweaty body.

“How was it?”

“You were right. They were cute. But one little birdie told me something.” You smirk.

“Oh, no. I don’t want to see that face.”

“C’mon. Just answer me. Who are you crushing on, Hobi?”

He groaned. “You knew about my crush and the nickname. I shouldn’t have brought you here. This was a bad idea.”

“I think it’s fun,” you teased. “Now, entertain me.”

He sighed. “It’s a girl I know from one of my classes.”

“Not the nurse, huh?” You raised an eyebrow.

“Never the nurse. Did that answer your question?”

“Not really. But I’ll take it for now since you’re stinky. Go take a shower!”

“Yes, ma’am.” He laughed.

His Friday schedule, that used to be filled with a class with you, was now empty. He was a high-demand teacher, his empty classes were almost instantly filled, but no one really wanted to have a class on a Friday evening. That was reserved for laying in bed and nothing else.

So, instead of letting you mope around during the time which you should have been having a class, Hoseok took you to his secret space on the other side of the dance studio. Secret space because no one in the world knew what was inside aside from him and one curious student that accidentally found it.

Hope World was the name. Such a fitting name for a place with a warm atmosphere, two huge speakers, several smaller speakers, and two giant monitors. There were also a lot of hypebeast plushies and decorations. On the couch, on the table, even on the floor, covering most of the surface in the room.

You took a seat on the couch while feeling its soft surface beneath your hand. “What is this place?”

“This is where I make music. I’m a dance teacher by day and a music producer by night.” He grinned.

“Why did you decide to show me this? This seems… personal.”

“Because I want you to know that there’s nothing wrong with doing the things you like.” He turned on the computer and played a song.

“The song is called Blue Side. For a long time, I have had problems finishing this song. But then I found the final piece.”

“What was it?”

“I needed to let go of my past happiness for a greater happiness,” he answered without hesitation, as if he already rehearsed that. “That’s kinda the gist of the song, too. And I think you need that advice right now.”

He was right. Sacrificing your past happiness that was your old friends would probably change your life drastically. You needn't seek their validation in anything you do. Only you mattered because you were the one living your life. Question was, were you ready to let them go?

You looked at him in his eyes. A small smile played on your lips. “Thank you.”

He smiled back before going back to his computer to change the song.

“Okay enough of depressing shit. Let’s dance!” He carefully took your hands in his and pulled you up on your feet.

“I can’t dance,” you whined. “With or without the cast.”

“We’re not doing that kind of dance, you doofus. We’re just swaying along to the song.” He wrapped an arm around your waist so you could follow his sways easier. On instinct, you wrapped your arms around his neck.

He swayed ever so slightly, following along the rhythm of the song. The melody filled around the room, into your ears, and out of it again. Hoseok’s strong hands held you, making sure you were steady and wouldn’t topple over. The smell of the room that was so Hoseok, you were pretty sure he used his own perfume to freshen his room. Yet, among all of these foreign things, you felt just right. You felt home.

Once you got the hang of it, you laughed. “This is the easiest dance move you’ve ever taught me.”

“Glad you think this is the easiest because I don’t know any other easier moves.”

“Well, I’m sorry for being unathletic,” you defended yourself. “I didn’t ask to be born like this.”

“What? Born naturally gorgeous?” Soon after those words left his mouth, he looked anywhere else but you, totally pretending like nothing happened.

With cheeks burning, you complained, “You can’t say that and pretend nothing happened.”

He looked back at you and laughed. “Why? Are you shy?”

You punched his chest in a joking manner.

It was when the song stopped when you realized how close you were to Hoseok. You could even smell his cologne, see his tiny freckles scattered on his face, and feel his breath that smelled like mint, a sure sign he ate too many mints. If he was handsome from a distance, he was mesmerizing up close.

Your eyes found his and you saw how captivating his eyes were. Pools of warm brown eyes, deep enough to drown and hypnotize you. And when he smiled, they turned into crescents with wrinkles at the side. Simply put, he had the most beautiful eyes you had ever seen.

Your mind snapped back into reality and you immediately let go of him in a panic. Just as you let him go, he also let you go on instinct, making you unable to keep your balance and struggle to find your footing.

“Oh, shit!” He steadied you again with his hands on your waist. “Are you alright?”

Your eyes widened at the event that just unfolded. “Yeah. Thanks for saving my life again.”

“Just so you know, I don’t mind saving you repeatedly if that’s what I need to do to keep you alright.”

It was safe to say that his words echoed in your mind for the rest of the day.

The next day, your questions from the previous days were answered.

“We’re very sorry about what we did,” one of your friends said as soon as they entered your apartment.

“Is this about when you guys left a few days ago?”

“Yes. But we have a reason for that,” another friend answered.

“And the reason being?” You raised an eyebrow, anticipating what was coming next.

You were no longer sure if you wanted to hear it.

“We-”

“We talked shit about you to Hoseok,” the last one interjected. Always to the point, that one.

“We’re very sorry. I know it was wrong and stupid of us to do that. We get it if you don’t want to befriend us anymore,” the first one spoke up again.

Sure you felt sad, but a part of you knew that this had been happening long before. It was more like you waited for them to finally come clean and confess to them, so you weren’t surprised at all. And with them coming clean, you were relieved. You could finally let them go in peace. Just like what Hoseok had said.

You nodded your head slowly. You didn’t have the strength to even look at them in their eyes. “Thanks for being honest with me and for being my best friends all this time. But everything has an end and I think this is ours.”

“I assume they have apologized?” Hoseok asked after looking at your bright smile. The smile of a person who could finally let go of their burdens.

It was Sunday, the day after your friends confessed, and you were stuck in the library with him. While you wanted to listen more to his songs, he wanted to take you to the library. It took a bit of bickering, but he won in the end since you both had never been to a library together before.

“Yes. Thanks for defending me. You didn’t need to do that.” You reached for a book that was too high.

Hoseok came behind you and grabbed the book before handing it to you. “Hadn’t I done that, they’d still walk all over you.”

Oh how true his words were, but you weren’t going to admit that.

“Whatever. I’m still grateful, though.”

“You’re very welcome.”

You sat at a corner and he followed suit, sitting right beside you.

“And what did you say to them?” he asked.

You shrugged. “I don’t remember, but what’s important is that I cut ties with them. I did exactly what you had taught me.”

“I know you’re a good student. Always diligent and curious. And a fast learner, too.”

“Aren’t you proud of me?” You grinned at him.

“I’m always proud of you, ever since the first day you joined my class.”

Sure, there were days in which you wished you were more athletic, but if it weren’t for your lack of athleticism, you wouldn’t have been this close with Hoseok. Or ending your toxic friendship. So you gotta give the credits where it was due.

“Last lesson, enjoy the things you love to do unapologetically.”

“One question, what was your past happiness?”

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#bts x reader #hoseok x reader #hoseok fanfic #hoseok scenarios #bts fanfic #bts scenarios #bts angst #bts fluff #hoseok fluff #hoseok angst #hoseok #hoseok bts #jhope #jhope bts #jung hoseok #jung hoseok bts #angelikook fics

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harvestdew · 3 years

Note

Do you have any specific seb headcanons? I feel like most everyone has at least one or two about their sdv spouse; but if you're more interested in giving a kiki and seb character dynamic analysis like you did for haley, abigail, and shane I'd be SUPER into that too

I LOVE SEBASTIAN i’m glad you’re interested in hearing about their dynamic! i like when people talk or ask me about this stuff so i get irrationally happy when people are interested in my oc or my opinions of characters in the game. again i’ll put it under a read more since i don’t want to clog people’s dashboards up! also here’s a quick sketch of him i did as a little treat

sebastian headcanons

i always thought and still think he’s asian (like me and kiki) because of his dark hair. i know people say he dyes it but whatever

he’d probably like sanrio even if not openly? i think he might be embarrassed since ppl assume sanrio’s for kids but he’d especially like keroppi because he likes frogs

he’s GOTH (and to some extent punk) not an e-boy people need to stop calling him an e-boy i’m begging you because if you saw e-boy culture on tiktok you know they’re the legit antithesis of him and he would probably hate/make fun of them with sam and abigail

my dude wears glasses but only when he’s alone in his room which is why if you took him out to get food he wouldn’t be able to read the menu at mcdonalds

he’s naturally good with cats in the same way he’s good with frogs. he’s one of those people who doesn’t even know but cats just seem to really like them for no explainable reason

definitely plays minecraft. no ifs ands or buts. he is not ashamed in it and neither should you

i don’t think his hair was intentionally supposed to be longer on one side. i think he grew his hair out once in high school and then tried to cut it but cut off too much on one side but when he saw how edgy it looked he went idk this kinda looks nice and left it

i don’t know if anyone knows about the games yume nikki and ib but he’d like those types of games a lot. and in the context of him being a programmer, he’d probably code something similar to the premise of that game. very deep but also kinda confusing games

i don’t think he hates maru. she specializes in STEM just like he does and a lot of their interests align imo. i like to think sometimes they help each other out whether it be with maru’s robots or his own coding. at least once he matures out of the phase of feeling secondary to her and realizes she actually really loves her brother

kiki + sebastian relationship

i feel like the couple meme sheet i did embodies their dynamic pretty well but if it wasn’t obvious i like opposites attract and goth/prep dynamics

even if they don’t have the exact same interests, they strive for compromise. as in kiki giving him tulips since she likes tulips even though he hates flowers - he keeps them in a vase anyway. kiki doesn’t like horror, sebastian probably does, and she watches movies with him so he isn’t trapped watching awful romcoms with her. he also probably doesn’t love sweets but i think i established earlier kiki’s pretty good at baking so he tries to eat whatever she bakes anyway. and it’s not like those “the old ball and chain” relationships but more so done out of love so your partner doesn’t feel like they are losing parts of themselves dating you

not that they don’t have anything in common though b/c kiki liked the cave saga comics as a kids and would participate in dnd sessions with sebastian

they were definitely best friends before they went out and i don’t think it was love at first sight. he was probably thinking why the hell does this chick keep showing up in my room for the first few weeks of their friendship until she kinda grew on him once he realized she was there to stay and annoyingly persistent

i don’t really get the vibe sebastian is the type to give you advice when you’re upset but it’s not necessarily a bad thing for kiki. it’s better for her, as opposed to haley (who i DO think gives good advice), to sometimes have someone to listen to. imo he’s more observant so he is able to pick up on her being upset when someone like abigail might not notice

in general the same goes as what i’ve said about shane and haley - a lot of their dynamic is based on helping each other, especially helping each other grow

they definitely bicker but not in an overdramatic way? i feel like the only thing they’d fight about is something as dumb as robin and demetrius fighting over tomatoes being fruit - ultimately harmless (plus robin and demetrius have one of the healthiest relationships in game). maybe something like that one vid of the guys fighting over whether or not water is wet

kiki definitely gets on his ass about his health all the time. like i KNOW it’s annoying the way your mom might nag you but i am so bad at self-care myself that i’m 99% sure he probably forgets to eat sometimes after coding for hours which is why she drops food off for him constantly

sebastian is better at showing affection through his actions because saying stuff verbally is not his strong suit and embarrasses him, so usually he resorts to things

kiki is also so good at giving sebastian super well thought-out gifts (like bidding on a signed copy of the comics he likes) that he gets really nervous around holidays because he doesn’t want to give her something that she doesn’t like and disappoint her. gift giving is a competition at this point

pda is not really sebastian’s thing so kiki doesn’t indulge in it that much so he won’t die of embarrassment. but on occasion she does do some pda in front of everyone though to embarrass him b/c it is kinda funny to her

their dates tend to be really simple too? i don’t think either of them are big gesture types of people or they only do that type of stuff once in a while. i think he’s come to terms that kiki refuses to go back to the city for dates but is okay with date nights in. weirdly enough he plans them more knowing that she’s really busy with farm work

i feel like there’s more but i’m kinda forgetting i might add some more later if i think of some... thank you so much for the ask though!!!

#SORRY FOR SPILLING SO MUCH #mine #answered

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sourwolphs · 3 years

Text

Like an Animal - Bucky x Reader (4/8)

Read on Ao3 (for better interface + formatting)

Summary: Reader is an enhanced Omega kidnapped by Hydra and trapped in a cell with Alpha Bucky Barnes. Tags: A/B/O, Protective Bucky Barnes, Protective Steve Rogers, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending Warnings: Rated M

Wanda used our winding trip from the medical bay all the way to the residential quarters to point out all the amenities in the massive Avenger compound. There was a gym packed with state-of-the-art equipment, a training room with a boxing ring and floor-to-ceiling padding, a lap pool, steel-and-glass conference rooms and office spaces, and even vibranium-reinforced practice rooms for enhanced members of the team. In the upper levels, we passed through the sprawling main kitchen, a lounge packed with plush red couches and a bar stocked with top-shelf alcohol, and a dark and cozy movie room with a massive projector screen.

I was still feeling weak and tired post-heat, and seeing the Avengers compound felt surreal, like I was walking through a dream. All those years I’d spent running… from what? From this? From resources? From a pack? From a chance to make a difference?

Maybe I was crazy to already feel like I belonged here, that I could use the abilities I never asked for to do good in the world, but walking through the compound with Wanda felt… right. I felt like I was coming home.

The only piece missing was him, and it was getting harder and harder to ignore the insistent tug in my chest seeking out Alpha.

Wanda showed me up to my floor, one level above the other residential floor with the common kitchen and lounge area. The pack’s living quarters were built like an apartment complex with hallways full of doors— some with name tags and goofy indicators of the inhabitants (like a cardboard cutout of Captain America with a Sharpie heart drawn on his face outside of a door marked “Wilson” and a fuzzy Halloween doormat covered in orange spiders outside of “Romanoff”).

“Well, here you are,” Wanda said. We stopped in front of a door at the end of the second hallway. Inside was a newly renovated one-bedroom apartment, complete with a kitchenette, living area, bathroom and closet. It was cozy and fully-stocked— sheets, towels, pillows, even pantry staples— and had clearly been decorated by someone with an eye for interior design. I wondered if Tony’s Omega had been in charge of it.

I surprised myself when I felt a tear slip down my cheek, emotions bubbling up inside my chest. I’d spent so many years living in dumps, sleeping on couches and in bathtubs, even on wooden pallets in the back of a restaurant where I had worked for six months, when I could have just listened to that agent and found my way here.

Wanda must have caught the sadness, anger, gratitude and guilt swirling in my scent because she wordlessly leaned in for a hug, her arms warm and firm around me. “You will always be welcome here,” she murmured. I took a deep, soothing inhale of her cinnamon sugar scent and immediately felt my heightened emotions calm— a courtesy of her comforting designation.

After Wanda left me to relax and settle in, I showered and changed into a plain set of loungewear I found in the dresser, climbing into the freshly made bed for a nap and some time to think.

I’d spent the bulk of my adult life running from difficult choices and responsibilities, preferring to scrape by under the radar, hiding both my abilities and my designation. Even just a few days ago, I probably would have given Wanda the slip and found my way to another state to start over. But something had changed in me. I wanted to try.

Maybe it was the fact that the threats the red-haired agent had warned me of had finally become a reality in that Hydra cell.

Or maybe it had something to do with him.

The pack left me alone for a few hours, which I spent getting in a quick power nap before snooping through the apartment, finding good hiding spots and plotting emergency escape routes— because old habits die hard.

I had my head in the closet, groping at a panel in the wall that could either be an air duct or a hidden electrical control panel, when someone knocked softly. As I approached the door, I couldn’t help but take in a deep breath— hoping for that smoky cedar scent on the other side— only to be met with a smooth and neutral Beta blend that was surprisingly familiar.

On the other side of the door stood the red-haired agent.

Last time I’d seen her, there had still been hints of blonde growing out at the ends of her hair. Now, it was cut in a short bob at her jawline, the deep red at her roots running solid through the strands. She smelled like rosewater and ozone— a garden before the rain.

“It’s you,” I couldn’t stop myself from saying. She smirked at me, pouting her lips, and I couldn’t help but feel remorseful. I hadn’t been the nicest when she’d found me last. My escape had involved quite a lot of…. frozen body parts.

“Hi, Y/L/N,” she said. “You’re looking a little less frosty than the last time I saw you.”

I laughed nervously, hoping she wasn’t here to give me a dressing down. I’d only frozen her limbs a little bit back at Fifth Street. Besides, I wasn’t in any state for a brawl, especially with my connection to my abilities still weak post-heat— not to mention the lingering effects of the Terrigen Crystal restraints. “Do you want to… come in?” I asked, opening the door wider.

The Beta nodded and slipped through the door, gaze sweeping around the room before she plopped onto a sectional in the living room. She was graceful and lithe, clad in all-black athleisure, hair pulled back behind her head in a delicate french braid.

“I should probably introduce myse—“

“Did you braid my hair for me?” I interrupted.

She smiled and laughed a little, looking surprised. “You noticed?” She asked, patting the braid at the back of her own head. “I’m surprised you didn’t wake up when I did it, actually. Wanda and I didn’t want you to come to and think you were back in that cell. We figured cleaning you up a bit in the medbay would help.”

I swallowed down the unexpected lump forming in my throat. No one had cared for me like that since my Mom had passed. “Thank you,” I choked out— but it came out more like a whisper. I took a seat on the edge of the couch across from her.

“It was nothing,” she said with a smile. “Anyway— Let me re-introduce myself. I’m Agent Natasha Romanoff, but you can call me Nat. Everyone does. I think we got off on the wrong foot last time we met,” she said with a smirk.

“I’m sorry… I—“ I dropped my head into my hands in embarrassment, groaning.

“Don’t apologize! I cornered you. I shouldn’t have. Besides, I deserved it for underestimating your… tenacity,” she winked. “I’m here to see how you’re holding up. And to fill you in on what you missed while you were out, and what we know so far.”

I nodded, urging her to continue.

“We found you and Bucky at a defunct Hydra base in Paraguay,” she began. My breath hitched at the mention of his name. “We also found a bunch of illegal rut and heat-inducing drugs, and obstetrics equipment, all of which we confiscated for analysis. When we found you, you were deep into a sympathy heat and Bucky was barely hanging on through his rut, but we managed to get you both to safety without incident.”

I was speechless. I knew Hydra was evil. They were the bogeymen of children’s nightmares when I was growing up, the big bad evil lurking just beneath the surface. But what were they planning…. And why me?

“You’re probably wondering why it was you,” Nat said, reading my mind. “We don’t know either. But like I said the last time we met… There are a lot of evil people out there who would love to get their hands on your abilities.”

“When you first came to me, that warning didn’t seem real,” I admitted. “It does now.”

Nat nodded. “And the offer I made to you back then still stands. You’re a damn strong woman to have made it through what you did, and the world needs more people like you protecting it. Bucky told us how you stood up to that Hydra douchebag.”

“Aw, shucks,” I said, trying to play it cool through the heat rising in my cheeks and the swoop of excitement in my stomach. They really wanted me here. “I can’t imagine why you’d want to keep me around, but if I’m being honest, I don’t really feel particularly safe leaving. At least not now.”

“Understandable,” she added. “Take your time getting settled in. We don’t run on any formal schedule around here— most of the pack either lives here or spends weekdays here. You’re welcome to use any of the facilities— except I don’t recommend poking around in Stark’s lab.”

We both laughed, and Nat stood, making her way back out of my new living space. “Oh— One more thing before I leave you alone,” she said, spinning gracefully on her heels. “Wanda asked me to tell you that if you want someone to train with, she’s happy to help.”

——-

I’d never had a pack. Not since my parents, anyway— but the three of us could hardly be considered one, with how isolated we were. So it genuinely surprised me how quickly and effortlessly I fit in at the compound.

It took a few days to find my footing. I spent long hours mapping out the maze of buildings, hallways and facilities from one edge of the campus to the other. But slowly, I started to carve out a routine with the people who lived here.

It was Sam who became my friend first. We met one morning in the common area kitchen, as I awkwardly buttered a slice of toast, planning to take it back to my room to eat alone. He’d just gotten back from a run, sweat sticking his shirt to his chest, making his normally neutral Beta scent strong and tropical. It reminded me of the beach— salty ocean breezes, lemon and lime. He was leaning against the counter, swigging down orange juice straight from the carton, and giving me an amused look. Before I could retreat to my room, he coaxed me to the countertop to keep him company while he ate.

We hit it off almost immediately, discovering everything we had in common. We both loved 60s music, enjoyed running in the mornings, and considered breakfast our favorite meal of the day. From that morning on, we made it a routine to cook elaborate egg, bacon and pancake breakfasts, the scent of which reliably drew pack members out of their rooms with bleary eyes and morning breath.

Soon, our morning breakfasts turned into pre-breakfast runs. I quickly learned that my abilities increased my stamina more than I had previously known, as I outpaced Sam most days. After 10 miles left him sweat-soaked and gasping for breath, I felt like I had the energy for another 20.

A week after our heart-to-heart in my apartment, I stumbled upon Natasha’s secret training room, located a few doors down from the gym and boxing ring and devised to look like a storage closet from the outside. It was a small, low-lit room with mirrors on the walls and a ballet bar running down the width. She was practicing pointe, hair tied back in a severe bun. I’d never learned to dance, but I liked to share space with her while she trained, marveling at the power and grace in her form. I started bringing a yoga mat there in the early afternoon when I knew I could find her there. I’d always enjoyed yoga— needed it, even. The grounding and meditation aspects of the practice helped me locate the source of the strange energy within me and wrangle it under control. With my body distracted by challenging physical forms, my mind was free to connect with that icy burn in my chest, memorizing how it channeled its way through my body.

I was overjoyed at my blossoming friendships with the two Betas, but at the end of the day, I found myself craving time with another Omega. Luckily, I had Wanda in my corner right from the jump. It’s common for pack Omegas to stick together, serving as sources of comfort and support to one another without any strings attached, and Wanda was generous with both. We’d spend the early evenings in comfortable silence, reading or watching 80s sitcoms. Some days, we’d even venture into the the reinforced training rooms so I could test out the strength of my abilities under supervision. Wanda never parted ways with me without a soothing hug, and I began to wonder if she needed them just as much as I did. Natasha had told me she was bonded, but I could never smell her mate on her, nor had I met him yet.

I ran into Steve last, on a Saturday afternoon. According to Nat, he’d been out on missions for my first week, which is why I hadn’t met him yet. I was outside, wandering the paths of the Avengers campus and soaking up the early spring sunshine.

Feeling uncharacteristically safe, I turned my head up towards the blue sky as I walked— which meant that I literally ran straight into Captain America. He was still suited up in navy tactical gear, dirt smudged across his cheek and in his golden hair, vibranium shield strapped to his back.

“Woah there,” he said, reaching out to steady me with just the tips of his fingers as I ricocheted off his chest.

I was immediately hit with his warm and inviting scent, like hot summer sunshine and old books. It felt strangely familiar and… comforting. He was huge, as most Alphas are, but his kind, open face and gentle scent felt to me more like that of a Beta or an Omega.

“S-Sorry,” I sputtered, taking a step back. His hands dropped to his sides. “Wasn’t looking where I was going— clearly”

“Steve Rogers,” he said with a smile, holding out his hand to shake.

I laughed, despite my initial nervousness. “Yeah, I know. Nice to meet you Captain America, I’m Y/N.”

Was that a… blush? Steve looked bashful. “Actually, we’ve already met, but I don’t think you remember. Last week. I…carried you out of that Hydra base.”

My eyes widened. That must be why I’d unconsciously associated his scent with safety.

Now it was my turn to blush— he’d carried me out while I was in heat. Sobbing, begging for my Alpha, slick running down my legs…

“Nat didn’t tell me that part,” I said quickly. “But thank you. Really. I owe you.”

He shook his head with a smile. “Happy to help.”

From that day on, Steve started accompanying Sam and I on our runs in the morning, much to Sam’s chagrin. Not even I could keep up with Steve’s superhuman stamina, but teaming up on Sam to outrace him made us laugh until our sides were in stitches.

After I’d accidentally let it slip that the only major movie franchises I’d watched were Star Wars and Toy Story, Sam took it upon himself to “educate” me on the best action movies of the 90s and 2000s every evening. In just a few weeks, we tore through Mortal Kombat, Point Break, Die Hard, the Matrix trilogy, and the Mission Impossible series. Steve would often join us, cramming his huge body onto the compact couches in the movie room. Even Natasha found time at the end of the day to curl up with us, critiquing the outlandish hand-to-hand combat moves on the projector screen and throwing popcorn every time the choreography offended her expert sensibilities.

Though I felt closest and most comfortable with Sam, Wanda, Nat and Steve, I slowly got to know the other pack members as well. Stark, who spent most of his time tinkering in his lab, sent updates to me through FRIDAY on any new information their analysis had uncovered from the confiscated Hydra equipment. Dr. Banner, a shy Omega who smelled peculiarly like sage and burnt caramel, was helping Stark analyze the equipment, and would often share updates as well. Pepper, Stark’s Omega, was a human ray of sunshine. She checked on me more than a few times, always asking how the facilities were treating me and urging me to ask for anything I needed.

Altogether, my first three weeks with the pack were a dream come true. But as much as I loved every minute of my new life here, there was something— rather, someone— missing.

My first day waking up at the compound, I’d half expected Bucky to come find me. After all, we’d been through something terrible together. Part of me stupidly believed he’d swoop in to comfort me, apologize for not being by my bedside when I woke up and reassure me that everything was going to be fine. But that was just a silly fantasy concocted by my Omega hindbrain. He never showed. And nobody seemed to be talking about him, either— at least not to me.

After Wanda had reacted so strangely to my questions about his whereabouts when I woke up, I held back from asking any follow-up questions of Sam, Nat or Steve. I’d never had an Alpha in my life. My parents had been Betas. I didn’t know if it was normal for an Omega to feel this connected, this obsessive. And frankly, I didn’t want to be weird.

After a few weeks, I started to grow used to my Omega brain thinking about him by default— his delicious scent, his icy blue eyes, the feel of his fingers gently carding through my hair, the pressure of his teeth on my neck. More often than not, I found myself unconsciously scenting different rooms in the compound, seeking out that cedar smell before I entered. But I never caught it.

I struggled to sleep at night. After feeling it once, unlike anything I’d experienced before, my body viscerally craved the comfort of his Alpha purr. The craving was so strong that sometimes I couldn’t rest for hours— tossing and turning, piling pillows and blankets on the bed to imitate the safety of a nest. Running with Sam and Steve in the morning helped tire me out. So did practicing yoga with Nat, and exhausting my abilities in the training room with Wanda. But there was always something missing. And try as I might, I couldn’t shake it.

If I didn’t know better, I’d think that I was experiencing bond withdrawal. But without a mating bite, that explanation was impossible.

————

If Bucky hadn’t been tortured by Hydra for 70 years, he would say that this was the worst pain he’d ever experienced. It didn’t compare to having his brain scrambled by electricity, but it was damn close.

After the quinjet had landed at base after the rescue, and Sam had scooped up Y/N to ferry her to the medbay, Bucky pulled Steve aside on the landing strip, tearing his eyes away from Sam’s back retreating into the compound.

“I think it would be best if I… went away for a while,” Bucky said, unable to make eye contact with his best friend. He studied Steve’s boots, dirt-smudged and scuffed from combat.

“Buck, I don’t like where your head’s at,” Steve said gently, placing a grounding hand on his shoulder. “You just got dosed up on synthetic rut and locked up with an Omega in heat for some messed up…forced breeding crap. It’s not like you did anything wrong. This isn’t on you.”

Bucky bit his tongue, hard. That’s where Steve was wrong. He had done something wrong— and even if he hadn’t succumbed to what Hydra wanted from him, he still needed to keep himself away from Y/N. This close, he could still smell traces of the Omega’s heat lingering on Steve. Even without rut, it was turning his inner Alpha feral with want.

“Just a few weeks, is all. Make sure she’s okay?” Bucky said, knowing he didn’t have to ask. The pack would take care of her. “She’s strong— she told those Hydra agents to fuck off— but she shouldn’t have to be. Not after this.”

Steve gave him his signature earnest look, chewing his lower lip with concern, before sighing out his agreement.

Bucky had spent the past few weeks in a cramped studio apartment the pack kept for emergencies in Brooklyn. He’d hardly left the space, sleeping fitful hours in the night, interrupted by nightmares. He’d paced the floor in front of the only window so many times in his agitation that he thought he was starting to see grooves in the wood.

At all hours of the day, he ached for her scent, still vivid in his Alpha hindbrain— sharp and crisp as snow but just as sugary sweet as peppermint. Embarrassingly, he’d taken to snacking on a crumbling jar of mints he’d found in the back of the pantry, letting the artificial scent soothe his racing thoughts as they melted on his tongue. It wasn’t as good as the real thing, but it helped— especially since his whole body felt like it was prickling with need nonstop, chest cracking open, aching for her touch. His Alpha wrestled with his conscious brain to remember every small detail of her, from the gentle curve of her waist to her soft lips, the feeling of her hair between his fingertips, her unbelievable scent.

If he didn’t know better, he’d think he was going through fucking bond withdrawal. With an Omega he’d spent maybe seven hours with.

If Bucky’d had it his way, he would have stayed holed up in the apartment until this… thing had run its course. But after three weeks, Steve had finally had enough of his self-isolating nonsense, and had showed up at the door of the apartment to drag Bucky back with his metaphorical tail between his legs.

Bucky could tell his best friend didn’t know exactly why he was so opposed to returning home, though he figured Steve had an inkling of what was going on just from the lingering scent of suffering and guilt that had soaked into the peeling wallpaper of the studio.

“Everything’s fine, Buck. She’s settling in great— you’ll see. Wanda, Sam and Nat love her,” he said reassuringly, the unspoken I do, too hung in the air between them. Even with three weeks of distance between them, Bucky still couldn’t forgive himself for not being the Alpha to rescue her from that cell, for being so caught up in his own urges that he couldn’t be the hero that Steve was.

Bucky spent the majority of the car ride back to the compound stewing in self-hatred and anxiety, wondering if his return would be what tipped Y/N over the edge, sending her back into hiding. Then it would be undeniably his fault that she left. His fault that she was taken from everyone in the pack. Mercifully, Steve said nothing about his inner turmoil stinking up the car, only rolling down the window a crack to let in the cool spring air.

Even after all that time spent stewing in his thoughts, Bucky still wasn’t prepared to see her the minute he got back to the compound.

When he stepped out of the elevator on his floor, duffel bag thrown over his shoulder, he was immediately hit with three scents at once— a hot spike of concern from Steve, a dose of Nat’s joyful rosewater smell, and her. Peppermint. This time sweet, happy and warm like a cup of mint tea.

The two women were laughing together, lounging on the plush red couches of the living space, but their laughter cut off sharply as the ding of the elevator sounded. Bucky froze like a deer in headlights as they both turned to look his way.

Time seemed to slow down as their eyes connected. His eyes frantically scanned her face and body for evidence of injury, documenting the healthy glow in her cheeks, the brightness of her eyes, her soft hair pulled back in one of Nat’s french braids. She looked… happy. Healthy. Beautiful.

Unconsciously, he felt his hackles raise when he noticed Nat’s hand circled around Y/N’s ankle where it was stretched out towards her lap.

“Hey Buck, long time no see,” Nat said with an uncharacteristic gentleness, shaking him out of his stupor. Both women were giving him a concerned look, now, the smiles drifting off of their faces.

Rather than say or do anything he regretted, Bucky elected not to say or do anything at all. Coward, his Alpha snarled at him as he strode down the hallway to his bedroom. Go back there and claim your Omega.

“Buck!” Steve called after him, concern coloring his tone. “Bucky!”

But Bucky ignored him, holding his breath to avoid her scent until his apartment door was shut tight behind his back.

#like an animal #my fic #bucky fic #bucky x reader #bucky barnes x reader #bucky reader insert #marvel fic #bucky barnes

26 notes · View notes

sanscestships · 3 years

Text

“Curse you.” (NightmarexCross)

Created on: 2/23/21

Requested by: No one ;-; still waiting for requests that will probably never come

also the OC that will be included in this chapter is Leviathan. They are a Sans alternate from my AU, Clawed!Tale. Their ship analysis, Electrolyzed Water is also available to read.

And yes, this will be a multi chapter oneshot. And sorry that it took so long. I lost motivation and got addicted to Genshin Impact.

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"Do you ever feel unappreciated?"

That question wouldn't disappear from his mind as Nightmare continued to tap his pen against the paper, glaring at the still tall as ever stack of paperwork he had to deal with. Curse Cross and his stupid way of hitting the nail on the head without ever trying. Curse him and his fucking weird ghost child that stalks him everywhere he goes, the damn Chara always looking for vulnerability within the team. Curse him and his giant fucking red knife, and heavy dependence on the abilities that Chara gives him. Just fuck him, and always hesitating when it came to fighting the Star Sanses. Curse his taco addiction and shitty stealth skills to sneak out and make tacos with the damn Swap. Curse his lingering affection for Ink, who doesn't feel a damn thing for him in return. Curse him and his fondness of his own brother-

"You're anger is starting to feed me," The black skeleton's head snapped up, noticing the faint green glow in the room. Narrowing his eye at the entity, he recognized them as Leviathan, a demon from a dead AU. They sometimes saw each other when going in and out of AUs, never doing anything to the other.

Nightmare kept them alive because of what they call, their "Sinful Aura". Something about them being a "sinful demon", and that they exude an aura of envy and jealousy. While they refused to join the team, they don't actually ally themselves with the Star Sanses either. That, and their constant generation of negativity convinced Nightmare to let them live. Keeping them alive meant more negativity for him to feed off, and that was fine by him.

The only problem, however, as how they keep popping up whenever and however they like.

It was already bad enough with that parasite, Fresh. Coming and going however he likes. Of course, Nightmare's threats to destroy his host and then him keeps him from going too far in trying to attack his servants. However, that doesn't make his presence anymore tolerable. While Leviathan isn't nearly as irritating as Fresh, they still grated on his nerves in their own special way.

"What do you want, demon?" He hissed, his eye glowing with power as the alcoholic skeleton huffed.

Waving their hand in the air, refilling their bottle with more alcohol, they took another sip as they levitated in front of his drawer. "I believe I made myself clear, didn't I? I'm the Demon of ENVY, not WRATH. Just like you're the Guardian of Negativity, not the King." The self-proclaimed King's aura became more hostile as they sat up mid-air. "Oi, just stating some facts. My point is: The fact you're anger is starting to feed me means it's not still anger. It's becoming ENVY. Jealousy. And unlike you, always looking for more negativity. I'm already full. A planet can only hold so much water. Too much... And it floods."

Another reason why Nightmare let them live: They're a coward. Too afraid to use their power. He has seen them fight, and knows they could be a powerful ally. However, they refuse to take a side; They continuously announce themselves as neutral. Too afraid of breaking the rules to ever pose a real threat to him. A fool afraid of power they should be embracing is no match for him. So why should he be worried?

However, he is not so much of a fool himself to underestimate others. He knows this demon should still be acknowledged. "What do you want, Leviathan?"

They rolled their green eye-lights. "Jeez, you still don't get it? Fine. I want you to stop being so damn jealous of whomever the fuck so I don't have to worry about getting fat with ENVY ya jackass."

Him? Jealous? The powerful Nightmare, King of Fear and Lord of Nightmares. Jealous? He had no idea what they were rambling on about. What would he be jealous of? Who would he be jealous of? Nightmare knew what envy was; He'd felt it when his brother got all the praise and attention back in their old AU, Dreamtale. And he knew for a fact what he felt right now, was NOT envy.

He was not jealous. Why would he be jealous? He had been thinking about that irritating anime, chocolate, and taco addict, Cross. Why would he be jealous of Cross? What did he have that Nightmare could possibly want? His Chara was devious, but irritating. His power was far superior to that of Cross's. Cross's backstory was nearly as messy as his own.

Or maybe it was just a trick, he realized. Leviathan had admitted it themselves; they were a demon. And almost all books he had read up on demons said they were manipulative and despicable; They do anything and everything for their own selfish desires. Who wasn't to say they weren't just messing with his head?

"They say redirection is one of the stages of jealousy," that cursed dog continued on, dampening his mood as his tentacles curved themselves to prepare to attack. "a word of warning: ignoring a problem only makes it worse. But if it helps, just know that everyone already knows about you and Cross, except for you and Cross."

Disappearing into the air, it took a few seconds for Nightmare to process what the demon just told them. Him... And Cross? What-

Suddenly, it became clear. All those times that Killer would suggest romance movies. All those excuses they made to leave during the movie, leaving him alone with Cross. All those looks he got whenever he handed Cross a chocolate bar to stop XChara's tantrums. Especially, the looks from Cross himself. When he got nervous at him walking into the room. When he got anxious when he got close. Nightmare wasn't a fool. He knew the hints when he saw them. It wasn't going to take him that long to figure it out.

He just didn't want to think about how bad the situation would become after he rejected Cross, and proved everyone else wrong that he did not reciprocate his feelings.

#crossmare #nightcross #crightmoss #cross #cross!sans #nightmare #dreamtale #xtale #undertale #undertale au #sans #ship #oneshot #sanscest

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huihuiheart · 3 years

Text

Hongjoong’s Angels - Hongjoong w/ f! Yeosang + f! San

-req by @pirate-hongjoong

Pairing: Platonic Hongjoong (Speaking in italics) + f! Yeosang + f! San + Female Reader (ft. the rest of Ateez)

Summary: The angels are about as elite as they come, but all of them are at risk now. For a mission that they would have assigned a dozen angels to, it comes down to just three. Would that be enough to prevent their whole world from falling apart though?

Warnings: Spies, violent themes, espionage, guns, suggestive themes, seduction, kidnapping, breaking and entering, fight scenes, tasers, explosions, lies, missiles, betrayal, some member x member themes (the couple is a secret to prevent spoilers), death.

Word Count: 8,086

Note: I still have not watched the most recent movie and this is an original piece, so please don’t give me backlash for it. I was very excited to do this though, because the original Charlie’s Angels movies were my childhood, so this seemed very fun.

“Once upon a time there were three very different little girls....”

“I’m sorry the only spot we have open is for a mascot.” The head cheerleader mocked, but Yeosang simply smiled, her braces on full display.

“Oh my god, that’s great though! It’ll be so much fun! And I still get to dance!” Yeosang practically bounded out of the hall, tripping over her own feet at the entrance and falling flat on the ground.

---

“Ladies and Gentleman, that does it. Your winning rider is Choi San on her prized horse Blue Ballad. The youngest yet to win this competition.” The announcer called over the sound system. Choi San standing proudly on the podium for photos with her horse standing behind her, taking in the applause.

---

“Y/L/N Y/N! You get in here right now young lady!” The principle called from her office, you smirking as you walked in and plopped down opposite her, “ Would you explain to me why we have you on camera spray painting the school wall?”

You snickered as she showed you the film they had, “Oh look that’s my favorite part.” You muse as you watch the clip of you giving the camera the bird before spray painting over it.

---

“Who grew up to be three very different women...”

Yeosang held the little hairless kitten in her arms, giggling at it as people gave her strange looks in passing.

“Maybe you should put that one down Yeosang, no one’s gonna adopt...it....”

“Awe, but there’s nothing wrong with her. Besides she’s so cute...and she doesn’t do that...”Yeosang counters gesturing to one of the hairballs from the other cats in the shop.

---

“Prep OR3 and tell them I’m on my way. We have to move people, this is life or death! Now scrub me in!” San huffs, washing her hands, as one of the assistants puts the gloves and scrubs on for her. San opening the door to the operating room with her back to not contaminate anything.

“Alright, let’s do this.”

---

“Hi, welcome to Good Burger. What can I get for you today?” Y/N droned over the drive-thru headset in the same monotone voice you did everyday, with a huff.

The car pulling up moments later, a rambunctious group of young men in the car, “Hey sweetheart, why don’t you give us a show with that meal?”

You gave them a deadpan look, before holding up the paper bag with their order in it and shaking it, throwing it into the window of their car before closing your drive-thru window with a fake smile and walking away.

“What they have in common is that they’re brilliant, they’re beautiful, and they work for me. My name is Hongjoong.”

“Good morning, angels.”

“Good morning Hongjoong!” You three replied in unison, sitting on the couch across from the little speaker. The device is your only connection to the mystery man that was your boss.

“So Hongjoong, what do you have for us today?” San questions, hugging your arm slightly as she sits to your right, eager to get a new assignment.

“Well, angels, we’ve recently been hired by Jeong Yunho, CEO of Jeong Technologies. They’re currently the largest private technology and information firm around. Their lead engineer Song Mingi was kidnapped, there’s footage of three assailants taking him from the front of Jeong Technologies science building the other night and there has been no sign of him since.”

“There any leads so far? Anyone who wants to see Jeong Technologies fall?” You ask, looking over the tape on the screen one last time, watching the poor engineer get shoved into the van by some masked men.

“Bosley hasn’t given you the files yet, has he?” Hongjoong chuckles over the speaker, “Where has my good friend gone off to now?”

“Bosley? I thought you told me your name was Wooyoung?” Yunho’s brows furrow as he walks in with the man in question.

“It is my name is Wooyoung. I’m simply in the Bosley family....it’s a term of endearment at this point.” Wooyoung shrugs, gesturing for Yunho to sit on the couch opposite of you, “I was just greeting our guest Hongjoong, no need to rush anyone.”

“Well, angels, it looks like you’re in capable hands. If you need anything, Wooyoung will provide you with it. I’ll be in touch.” With that, the speaker was off, and Wooyoung was handing you each of your respective files on the case. Almost identical, but each with slightly unique details based on your unique skill sets.

“So, you’re Jeong Yunho then?” Yeosang looks at him while offering her hand, each of you following suit and flustering the young, shy CEO who shakes your hands.

“I-I am. I-I just want to say that whatever you girls need to get him back, I’m happy to help. Mingi is more than an employee, he’s also a friend.” Yunho is flustered at first, but slowly it changes to concern for his missing friend.

“If you don’t mind me asking then, is that why he is so special? I mean, a kidnapping is usually handled by the police, so what about this makes it a better fit for us?” San inquires, barely looking up from the file finding bits of information that might prove useful.

“Not exactly. You see, we’re a private firm, but we recently landed a government project, and that’s what Mingi was working on. The intelligence involved in this project cannot get out, but Mingi’s the only one who currently knows how to access it or lock it down. Which is why we need to get him back before they can get it out of him.” Yunho explains, catching the attention of all the angels.

“What kind of information are we talking about here?” You finally dare to ask, not sure you’d like any answer that he would give you.

“Potentially limitless information. The program is designed to screen through all sources public and private without interfering with people’s privacy. What I mean is no person is scouring through people’s information. It uses facial recognition and voice recognition software to track people internationally based on the specs you give it. That person’s trail. With hopes of finding the most wanted criminals who have fallen off the face of the earth. When it pings with that, all the computer saves is the clip with their voice or face. Then it shares that with those who need to find that person. Without sharing private information about the person whose device it was with said investigators. Like an anonymous tip phone call of sorts, but it also provides a location. However, in theory, those safeties can be removed and you could potentially access any information on anyone from anywhere in the world.” Yunho worries his lip between his teeth as he explains the purpose of their latest program.

“And Mingi is the only one who knows the system well enough to do anything with it? To allow or prevent that from happening?” Yeosang sucks in a breath at the sorrowful nod that Yunho answers her with.

“Who would have the most to gain from kidnapping Mingi? People who knew of this program? Of its potential? Or, just have something to gain by taking him?” You look for the page you know you saw when skimming the file, the one that listed off Yunho and Mingi’s enemies.

“Honestly, we kept a tight lid on the information flow only those working on the project and myself knew. Everyone was very adamant about not discussing it outside of the work area for safety reasons, so unless someone got that information elsewhere, I don’t know. However, there is one person I have in mind...Park Seonghwa. My leading competitor, he’s been known to send spies into our staff to steal ideas and information. I wouldn’t put it past him to kidnap our lead engineer in hopes of getting ideas to put out before us.” Yunho shakes his head, “That man never gives up, I’m telling you.”

The angels nod in unison, turning to Wooyoung and handing back the files.

“Yunho we’re going to need access to your building. We’re gonna see if they left anything behind where they took Wooyoung.” San explains, to which Yunho immediately agrees.

“Also, we’ll need to check your systems to see if anyone did get in and access confidential information,” Yeosang added before the two looked at you.

“Then we’ll check Park Industries too, just in case. Though before that, we should probably make sure your home is secure, for all we know they could be after you too.” You try not to worry Yunho too much while still telling him the reality of the situation.

“Alright, angels, let’s move.” Yeosang jumps up, catching the keys that Wooyoung tosses to her so that the four of you can head out to Jeong Technologies to start unraveling this mystery.

“Find anything in here?” Yeosang asks, joining you and San from checking out the scene where Mingi was finally grabbed.

“Good luck, angels! I’ll be checking in!” Wooyoung calls after you before sighing as he sits down again, left all alone now.

“I’m not seeing any immediate signs of someone snooping around, but not that we’re in. I'll have the computer at the base run a more thorough analysis and let us know,” San responds, looking to you and Yunho.

“I haven’t found any bugs or signs of forced entry if there was something here, it would have to be moving in and out on an employee. I say we check them out, just to be safe.” Your suggestion is met with nods from the other two, “What about out front?”

“Ah, I found a few things...our van had some specialty tires on it based on the treads it left behind. We could look for suppliers and cross-reference based on that to find who’s van it is. Also, there was some debris left I’m assuming when the kidnappers jumped out of the van. We’ll see if these little plants can tell us anything about where they were before being here.” Yeosang proudly beams, holding up her prize.

“Okay, why don’t you two get those back to the base and Wooyoung. I’ll go check out Yunho’s house and make sure it’s safe for him there.” You insist, causing the two to roll their eyes slightly at you.

“Please, you just want to go with him because you think he’s hot,” Yeosang mumbles, making San chuckle while you fluster and throw a glare at her.

“Not my fault, the yummy CEO hired us! Now get out of here.” You hiss quietly at the two before shooing them as they laugh. Before turning to Yunho, who was flustered and blushing after watching that exchange.

“C-Come on, I’ll drive us.” He offers leading the way out of the building and to his car so that he can drive you to his home. Of course, solely for professional reasons. Pulling up to a large modern home after not too long, it somewhat secluded in the woods. Yunho welcomes you in and helps you with your jacket, offering you something to drink while you immediately set to work and stumbling across an interesting photo.

“Isn’t this Park Seonghwa with you?” You question holding the photo up to Yunho, who nods in response, only further intriguing you, “I thought you two were rivals?”

“We are now, but things weren’t always that way. In fact, I’d prefer if they still weren’t.” Yunho sighs softly, holding out a glass to you, “We went to school together growing up, even picked the same university to attend. Honestly, he was more like a brother to me than anything. Until he tried to steal my final during our last year...he was found out and kicked out of the school, but money spared him most of the consequences. He blamed me for what happened, though, and now it seems he wants to get me back in any way at all.”

You nod, placing the picture back down, feeling worse for the Yunho now, “So you lost one close friend already, and now the other is missing...that must be tough.” When Yunho nods, you reach out to gently squeeze his arm in reassurance, “Don’t worry, we’ll get Mingi back, and we won’t let anything happen to you. The house is clean, and I’m leaving you this panic button. If anything is wrong, you just press it, and the closest one of us will come right away.”

“So if I pressed it right now, that would mean you would come, right?” Yunho asks, stepping closer as you start to step away, flustering you some.

“Well, yes, but I just checked the whole house Yunho and nothing wrong.” You chuckle despite being shy, thanks to him.

“Yes, there is.” Yunho blurts, a little too quickly, making you raise a brow in question, “W-What if I don’t feel safe being here all alone? I-I think you should stay for a bit...y-you know just in case.”

He was so impossibly close right now, standing right before you. Not even letting you respond, though, before the two of you were kissing. Your coat slipping out of your arms again as you slipped them around his neck, not letting him go again.

Yunho pouts, hearing your phone ring, and you chuckle, answering it.

“Y/N, we need you back here, we’re going to regroup and talk to Hongjoong. How far out are you?” San asks over the phone, and she and Yeosang finish up in the lab, looking over their results again.

“Not too far, I’m just at Yunho’s.” You answer before cursing internally at giving that away, while the CEO besides you blushes.

“Still? Why? Was something wrong?” San’s voice is teasing, but you know she genuinely wanted to know in case there was an issue, and you just hadn’t gotten the chance to ask for their help yet.

“N-No, nothing’s wrong...I-I’m heading over now.” You quickly hang up before she can question you anymore, giving Yunho an apologetic look, “Well, duty calls. If anything happens, though, hit the panic button, alright?”

Yunho nods, slipping his arm around your waist and pulling you in for another kiss, “ Be careful out there, okay? If you have to leave me, then at least come back in one piece.”

“I will.” You give him one last kiss before slipping out of his grasp to leave, knowing there was still plenty to do before Yunho would be safe and have his friend back.

San and Yeosang, smirking at you as you walked back into the base, their looks suggestive, now armed with the knowledge that you had spent the night at Yunho’s place. You sighed with a soft blush and brushed them off, taking your seat with them for yet another morning. Wooyoung, laughing, and accepting the incoming call.

“Good morning, angels.”

“Good morning, Hongjoong!”

“Do you girls have an update on the situation?”

“We looked into the tires, and it leads back to Park Industries. They have an arrangement with one of the shops they like this specific brand on all their trucks and vans. They also have vans matching the make and model of the van that was used in the kidnapping.” San closes her file on the track report, having nailed Park Seonghwa or at least his company to taking Mingi the question now was just where.

“The plant material was interesting, it allowed me to narrow down to a fifty-mile area where they had been before, the only problem was that any way we cross-referenced things, in that area we found no connection to Park Industries at all, whether directly or otherwise.” Yeosang added with a shrug, “Unless they’ve managed to keep that hidden very well from us.”

“The computer didn’t come up with anything either. It looks as though Park Industries never got into Jeong Technologies computer.” Wooyoung continues before looking at you, now that they had pretty much covered all the leads before speaking up for you, “Oh, and Yunho’s house has been cleared.”

“It seems like whoever is hiding those details from us is doing a very good job of it. Get into Park Industries and see if you can find the last few things that you need to find Mingi, we might not have a lot of time left before they get that information.”

“We’re on it, Hongjoong!”

“So what’s the play then, angels?” Wooyoung inquires, leaning across the desk and smiling at you, “And what do you need for it?”

“You know...we could actually use your help on this one, Wooyoung.” You smiled at him, “How would you like to play a young, up and coming CEO? Willing to give Park Industries exclusive access to specialty supplies?”

“I’ll be your assistant, there to help you if anything happens and seduce Seonghwa enough to get the key for San to get in with.” You reassured Wooyoung as you three pull up the building specs.

“I’ll distract the others around, so San will just have to worry about security making their rounds and cameras on the outside. Once inside the room, though, there is a laser grid, moving, very high end. The code to disable them changes every five minutes. so it’s not likely we’ll be able to get that unless Y/N can manage it in Seonghwa’s office somehow.” Yeosang added before looking to San.

“I’ll be in and out with what we need before you even know it.” San nods looking at Wooyoung, “So what do you say Woo, you in?”

“Well...whatever the angels need, the angels get.” Wooyoung shrugs before chuckling softly, “I’m in.”

Sitting in your van outside of Park Industries and doing final preparations, San spotted something watching the building for any last-minute security changes. She couldn’t be sure, though, until she pulled up a still from the kidnapping video.

“Guys, I just realized something we’ve been missing.” San turns to the rest of you, showing the clip where a snake tattoo is visible on the kidnapper’s ankle, “We should have run with this from the start.”

“Well, what good does that do us now? We can’t call this mission off.” Yeosang frowns softly and San tsks, shaking her head.

“We won’t, we just would have gotten here sooner.” San zooms in on the building security guard from the camera hidden in the side of the van, “Considering this is the tattooed man.”

You look at the screen before initiating the facial recognition software and grabbing molar mics for you and Wooyoung, “When you figure it out, let me know. I’m meeting Wooyoung now.”

You slipped out of the side of the van that faced away from the building, sneaking a few blocks away to where Wooyoung was waiting in the driver’s seat of a black Lamborgini Huracan. Smoothing over your dress one last time, you get into the passenger seat, handing him his mic and earpiece before putting on your own.

“Ready, Mr. Jung?” You smirked softly at Wooyoung, who chuckles in response, starting up the car.

“Honestly, if it means getting to do stuff like this and driving nice cars all the time, I might just have to tag along more.” He drives off to head towards the main entrance of Park Industries, you two needed to be the first to go in.

“Y/N, we got a match over facial recognition. His name is Choi Jongho, he hasn’t been working for Seonghwa long, but they have a history. We better keep an eye on him though, he has a pretty remarkable rep. Numerous fighting styles mastered, history in dealing with arms. Keep an eye on him, don’t let him catch you off guard.” You hear San over the mic, knowing Wooyoung does too as you notice him tense while driving.

“Relax Wooyoung, just act natural, and nothing will go wrong. Besides, even if it did, you have the three of us there to protect you.” You assured him, leading him to take a breath and relax slightly, as he pulled up. Parking the car and the both of you got out. Showing Jongho your identification in passing, him eyeing you both up for a moment before opening the door to let you through.

“We’re in, work your magic girls.” You whisper, before taking over at the front desk, “Hello, we’re here for the meeting with Mr. Park. His 2 o’clock.”

The lady raised a brow at you, clearly not impressed until Wooyoung spoke up, “Is there a problem here? I’m a busy man, but I made the time to meet with CEO Park out of professional courtesy, I’d appreciate it if you made it happen, doll.”

She flusters, stuttering a bit behind her desk, “O-Of course CEO Jung, my apologies. It won’t happen again.”

“Good work Wooyoung!” Yeosang cheered over the mic as the lady led the way for you both through the building. That being her cue as she slipped out of the van next. Heading up to the building with a blinding smile as she stopped in front of Jongho.

“Hi, I think I’m supposed to go in here, yes?” Yeosang fumbles through her bag for show, before finding her company id for him, “It’s my first day, so I’m just a little lost.”

Her helpless giggle and clueless innocent nature must have done the trick, Jongho scanning her id and even giving a small smile back before getting the door for her. San drove the van around to the back, preparing to make her entrance.

“Let me know when we’re good, Yeosang.” She says, grabbing her ‘delivery’ and going in through the service entrance, before slipping into a bathroom to change into professional clothes, hiding her face from cameras the entire time.

“Give me five minutes,” Yeosang responds, stumbling into the room where the various cubicles were by the mainframe, blushing and giggling as people start to stare. Yeosang works her charms, pouting softly and twirling her hair, “I’m new, and I think I managed to get lost. Do any of you think you could help me?”

Yeosang played further into the act as they scrambled over each other to get to her, and show her the various areas of the building. More than eager to be around a beautiful woman after being cooped up at their desk for hours without end. Giving her verbal cue to San who slipped out after the group had passed and headed in the opposite direction as them, just waiting for the key to be dropped off.

“You make a very appealing deal, Jung Wooyoung. Draw it up and send it to me, I’m more than interested in it.” Seonghwa smiles from his spot across from Wooyoung.

“That won’t be necessary, my assistance already drew it up. I hope it meets your liking?” Wooyoung gestures you forward. You round the desk and lean forward to place and open the drawn up papers on the desk, letting Seonghwa see your form in the process. It is a good distraction as your free hand slipped the key card off his desk, before taking your spot besides Wooyoung again. Slipping the card into his hand as Seonghwa reads and signs the document, Wooyoung signs afterward before collecting up the document, as his phone rings.

“If you’ll excuse me, I forgot I have another appointment. However, my assistant can stay to discuss anything else about the contract with you.” Wooyoung shakes Seonghwa’s hand before answering the fake call and stepping out of the room to hand the card off to San and get out of the building. The exchange, going successfully.

“Just keep him occupied for me Y/N.” San moves towards the room, hiding her face from view as she slips in to look for access. The easy part passed now just came the harder part of slipping through the lasers.

You trailed your fingertips over Seonghwa’s desk as you moved back to the same side as him, “Is there anything I can help you with, anything at all?”

Your hands, moving to massage his shoulders, noticing something sitting proudly on his desk that you hadn’t the first time. The same picture you had seen at Yunho’s house, of the two of them together.

“Oh, angel, as enticing as that sounds coming from such a beauty, I’ll have to pass. After all, I’ve got so much to do you know...with kidnapping people and all.” Seonghwa grabs your wrist-twisting you around and pinning your front to the desk beneath him. The others heard what happened clear as day.

“I’ll get Wooyoung out, you just finish up getting what we came for San and then help Y/N if necessary.” Yeosang is already in the ladies' room, slipping up and into a vent to make her way out without being swarmed again, dropping out and finding Wooyoung, but too late as Jongho pulls him through a door and shoves him into a van, while a man blocks Yeosang.

“Jongho got Wooyoung.” She announces, flipping a switch in all the angels. None of them were happy that their Wooyoung had been taken.

“San get that stuff back to base, we’ll clean up here.” You say before twisting enough to elbow him in the face. Still, missing something, though, as Seonghwa tased you in the side. The world, going black and leaving the mission up to the other two for the time being.

Slowly you come too, eyes shifting around for any sign of Wooyoung or Mingi as you do. Instead, you hear someone tsking, followed by footsteps, drawing your attention forward and away from the dirtied surroundings. Yunho before you, as he leans down towards your face, pinching your jaw between his thumb and forefinger to make you look at him instead of at Seonghwa behind him.

“I may have underestimated you, girls...I thought it would be easier to snatch all of you at once. The others got away, though, with something that belongs to us, and you’re going to help us get it back, angel.” Yunho’s glare only hardens further when you smirk at him, feeling the molar mic still in your mouth, even if they took your earpiece, knowing it’d help Yeosang and San even more.

“See that was your problem, you underestimated us. Besides, there are more than just three angels, a lot more.” You shrug, leaning back in your chair, knowing it was only a matter of time before help showed. Not that you couldn’t break out of the chair if you wanted to, but it was more fun letting them think they’d won and spilling everything to you while you learned everything about their security from the inside.

Seonghwa stepped over and joined Yunho, slipping his arms around Yunho’s waist and resting his chin on Yunho’s shoulder, “Oh, we know Y/N. After all, once an angel always an angel, right? And there are quite a few from what we can tell.”

Seonghwa tilts Yunho’s body away from you, letting you see the monitors working on trying to break into Hongjoong and the angel’s database, not able to get much more than the number of angels at this point. You knew security was the best there was.

“If only there were a way to get access to their personal information, though? You know...so anyone who wishes could get revenge on the angels...oh wait, we have this.” Seonghwa tauntingly waves Wooyoung’s phone in front of your face, “Almost like when Hongjoong calls, we can use his voice to gain access to the system or something of the sort.”

Your heart races, knowing that was the one way to gain access to everything there, even to information on angels who retired, “Why would you want to do that to the angels? Just money? There’s plenty of easier to access information you could sell than this.”

Yunho scoffs, rolling his eyes, “No angel, this one is personal. Seonghwa’s sister was an angel, on a team much like yours...only her team didn’t bring her home. So we’re gonna teach the rest of you a lesson.”

“Once I find the two that left my sister, though...I’ll handle them myself.” Seonghwa hisses before letting Yunho go, gripping on your chair as his gaze darkens, “Now let me guess, they took what they got from me back to your little base and are going to try and find us?”

“Try?” It’s your turn to scoff now, “Don’t tell me you’re already underestimating us again, they won’t try...they will find us. And then breaking into the database would be the easiest challenge you’d have to overcome today.”

Yunho clicks his tongue, pulling a gun out of the back of his pants before putting it up to your temple, the click of the safety echoing in the room, “Just answer the question, or we won’t let you see any more of what we have planned. Which would be a real shame considering things are just now starting to get interesting.”

You sigh softly, gaze shifting to Yunho for a moment, before back at Seonghwa, “Yeah, that’s what they would do.”

Seonghwa smirking as he leans back, “See angel, that wasn’t so hard now, was it?” His eyes flick over to Yunho now, “Come on, babe, put the gun away. The little angel is cooperating now, and we want her to see just what’s happening, don’t we love?”

Yunho rolls his eyes, putting the gun away again, pulling out the duck tape and toying with it some, “ I hope you know, you won’t be able to depend on Yeosang and San much longer...they’ve got their own problems to deal with.”

He nods to Seonghwa, who pulls up the coordinates of your base, turning to you again, “I’ll give you a moment to look and say goodbye, they’re about to get quite the bang.”

“Wha-” Your statement is cut off by Yunho putting the duck tape over your mouth and putting a finger over where your lips would be, shushing you.

“Shh, isn’t that much better?” Yunho chuckles as Seonghwa clicks enter on the keyboard, launching a missile straight at the coordinates of your home base. Leaving, you to hope that Yeosang and San heard enough to know to get out by now, but not quite sure if they did.

“We gotta move fast San, who knows what that could mean,” Yeosang calls, snatching one of the bags of supplies from the base and slinging it over her shoulder so they could have something while they rushed out.

“I know, I’m shutting this down now. I’ll be right behind you.” San responds, finishing up, before grabbing her bag and rushing out behind Yeosang. The two almost at the car by the time the missile hits the base, the force of the blast throwing them tumbling to the ground. Thankfully, though, with little more to worry about than a few scratches.

“Yep, they definitely want us dead.” Yeosang grunts, picking herself up off the ground with a groan and dusting off.

“Well, unlucky for them, I know where they are now...Seonghwa didn’t have any buildings in that radius, but Yunho does...that’s where we’re going.” San pulls herself off the ground too, before getting in the car and putting the location in. Letting Yeosang drive as they head towards the location, and parking a safe distance away from where they wouldn’t be seen.

“Security looks pretty tight, we won’t be able to just storm our way in without help...”Yeosang sighs, shaking her head as she lowers the binoculars she was using to get a better view of the front entrance.

“So, we’ll just have to make our own way in then.” San shrugs, “Come on, I have an idea.”

Seonghwa spotted the tear that rolled down your face before you could spot it and chuckled, “Aw, who knew angels could cry~”

He mocked you before having Jongho bring Mingi in and shove him into the chair in front of the monitors before going back to guard Wooyoung until he was needed, “It’s almost time, Mingi. I’m going to need you to get us set up. Or there’s gonna be consequences.”

Yunho smirks playfully, brushing a finger over your cheek and collecting the tear, “You know you were rather pretty that night...but I think I prefer you this kind of broken.”

You glared at him, pulling away from his touch, which only made him chuckle. Until Jongho brought Wooyoung in. Seonghwa handed him the phone that was hardwired to the headset he handed Yunho, and the computer.

“You’re going to call Hongjoong for us.” Yunho demands of Wooyoung, pointing the gun at him. Wooyoung looks at you, with big frightened eyes. You nodded as you spotted a flash of Yeosang’s blonde hair in the security camera for the attic of the building. Seonghwa noticed the same thing and sent Jongho to deal with it. Wooyoung dials Hongjoong’s number, but when there’s no answer his hands shake, going to call again until Seonghwa stops him.

“Let Hongjoong call back, it’ll work better for our plan.” Seonghwa insists watching and waiting until the phone rings again, gesturing for Yunho to answer and Wooyoung to keep his mouth shut.

“H-Hello? This is Yunho.” He puts the front on again, despite grinning wickedly at you, “Wooyoung can’t come to the phone this second.”

“Oh, hi Yunho, this is Hongjoong. Are you with the angels again?”

“Yeah, they had a lead, and since they weren’t sure where it was secure, they just had me go back to the base and hang out with Wooyoung. I think he went to the kitchen or something though, he shouldn’t take too long, hopefully, that’s okay.” Yunho watches Seonghwa and Mingi for the signal saying they got enough to use, to get into the system.

“That’s perfectly fine, Yunho. I’m glad you can be someplace safe right now. I don’t mind waiting for a few moments. Have the angels been doing alright?”

“Oh, the angels are perfect. Thank you so much for all the help, I honestly don’t know what I would do without you guys.” Yunho answers, and you here Hongjoong give an intrigued hum.

“Wonderful...you said you were at the base with Wooyoung, right?”

“That’s right, I think I hear him coming back right now if you want to wait. Or I can take a message for you?” Yunho licks his lips as Mingi tells Seonghwa that they need just a little bit more.

“That’s interesting cause I thought I heard that the base just blew up.”

Your eyes widen, Wooyoung prepares to yell for Hongjoong to get help, but not quick enough as Yunho hangs up, “You’re gonna have to make that work Mingi, and fast. I don’t think we have a lot of time.”

“I-I don’t know if I can...”Mingi’s hands shake with fear as he works at the computer, Yunho huffing, impatiently as he puts the gun to Mingi’s head now.

“I don’t believe that was a question, Mingi. Now do it.” Yunho insists, taking over and making Seonghwa chuckle with a smirk.

“You’re so hot when you’re pissed.” Seonghwa winks at the other man, the pair cocky until Yeosang drops down from the roof, behind Seonghwa, cocking a gun at his head.

“Put it down, Yunho.” She glares at him, Yunho grumbling, but doing as she asks, only because it’s for Seonghwa, “Now kick it over to Wooyoung...Wooyoung I want you to take the bullets out.”

Wooyoung is obviously scared out of his mind. He does as he’s told, though, knowing that right now Yeosang has the upper hand. The girl chuckling afterward, the three of you from the agency, knowing something that the others didn’t...angels don’t use guns. Wooyoung quickly moved to undo your ties before they had a chance to get the upper hand again, so at least the odds would be a bit more even.

“How did you get past Jongho, though?” Yunho asked, only further infuriated by the current situation. Yeosang’s brows furrowing at the question.

“What do you mean, I never saw...”Her words fade out, glancing at the security cameras to see Jongho making it up to where Yeosang had come in. Her eyes, widening knowing that San was up there right now. Seonghwa, taking the opportunity to grab her wrist that held the gun and twisting it around until she dropped it, picking it up and pointing it at Yeosang.

“That was a mistake. You should have just run away, little angel.” Seonghwa hisses before pulling the trigger, thrown off by the click sound that it gave instead of going off.

“Wow, for having a sister as an angel, you don’t know much hm?....angels don’t use guns.” You smirk, expecting a fight, but you don’t get one. Seonghwa simply snatched the drive with the locations from the angel’s database on it and clicked enter again.

“That one’s special......that one’s Hongjoong’s.” He growls before running off, with Yunho rushing behind him.

“Wooyoung, get Mingi out of here and call Hongjoong to try and warn him in time. Y/N and I are going after them since San is trying to get to the angels and warn them if she can...plus she has her hands full with the henchman.” Yeosang tells him before you and Yeosang are racing after the two men who hold the key to all the angels’ past and present, confidential information.

San was linked into the satellite they had been using to access the angels’ database, not there in time to stop them, but able to copy and document everything they had gotten. That way, they could get to or warn the angels at risk before the information got out if they weren’t able to stop Yunho and Seonghwa. Seemingly clueless to the fact that Jongho was coming up behind her. Only noticing something when he pulls out a knife, the metal reflecting sunlight flooding in from the window in front of her, sending a glare over her laptop screen.

San noticed and spun to sweep Jongho’s leg, knocking him over in surprise and dropping the knife over the edge of the floor, dropping floors below. She’s quick to close the laptop and secure it in the case, slipping the strap around her form, where it could safely sit on her back. Jongho flips back onto his feet, to find her tying a knot into a rope hanging from one of the beams in the roof. Stopping her from going anywhere, by grabbing her hair and pulling her back so harshly she stumbles back and out of his hold with a yelp. It is a miracle she didn’t crush the laptop, but obvious that Jongho wasn’t going to let her get away without a fight.

San slipping on her gloves, getting an idea. When Jongho surges forward to get her again, she slips between his legs, sliding across the ground and grabbing the rope. It was supposed to be her way down, as the other end was secured to a sandbag. If Jongho didn’t want to let her slip away so easily, though, maybe he’d rather take that trip instead.

“You really can’t stay still, can you? You’re a real pain.” Jongho frowns, that turning to agitation when San smirks at him.

“Maybe you shouldn’t be so slow.” She taunts back, hoping to get the response she wants of him. Knowing she’d need an opening to be able to get the rope in place. Jongho gives her just that when he turns and kicks, aiming for her face. Only San ducks, the hand with the rope slipping around his foot, before pulling the knot tight as she rolls out of his way. Moving quickly to get on her feet again, jumping up and grabbing onto one of the beams before swinging and kicking full force at Jongho’s chest with both legs.

Jongho spills over the edge, plummeting stories down. San, bouncing off the edge after him and grabbing the bag as it reaches the top, now having to use Jongho as a counterweight.

Wooyoung and Mingi, stopping abruptly and shrieking when Jongho is suddenly hanging upside down in front of them before suddenly heading back up where he came from, soon replaced by San. The pair have paled in shock and fear, trembling as they look at San with shaky eyes.

“I don’t know if I’ll be able to join you, girls, on missions anymore.” Wooyoung’s voice is soft as he blinks at San. The whole experience, proving to be far more than he was used to or expecting.

San giggles and kisses his cheek, handing him the laptop bag, “You’re doing amazing, Woo. Take this and warn the other angels, I’m going to help Y/N and Yeosang. I’ll see you soon.”

With that, she runs off, leaving Wooyoung and Mingi to take the laptop and bolt for one of the cars while security was preoccupied with helping Yunho and Seonghwa out. Easily snatching one of their cars, Wooyoung hands Mingi the laptop bag.

“Hold on to that! We have some angels to save.”

Wooyoung pulls up to the carnage remaining at Hongjoong’s house, the whole place gone. He chews on his lip, uncertain where to go now. Until he gets a phone call, answering with furrowed brows.

“I’m sending you an address Wooyoung, meet me there...we’ll have everything we need to help our girls.”

Seonghwa and Yunho closed a door behind them and secured it so that Yeosang and Y/N couldn’t get through. Even as they tried to bust it down, the pair cursed as they can’t get it open, even together.

“Hold on! I’m coming.” San yells, watching the struggle from where she races to meet them, the trio trying again together now. It finally being enough to breach the barrier. The guards, turning along with Yunho and Seonghwa.

Yunho pushed Seonghwa towards the car that had been started right before the angels got through, “I’ll take care of them, just go get your revenge.”

“Yunho’s mine.” You tell the girls, eager to finally be able to pay back the man for the way he’d played you since the beginning of this entire involvement.

“I’ve got the guards, Yeo you go get Seonghwa,” San tells the other, who quickly snatches a motorcycle from one of the guards, slipping on a helmet and chasing after Seonghwa before anyone can stop her from doing so. Leaving San to handle roughly five guards unless you could finish Yunho quickly and get there to help her.

“Awe, is the little angel angry? That’s too bad.” Yunho jabs, evidently not at all fearful of you or the threat you pose to him, “After I kill you, I’m going to join Seonghwa in taking out each and every angel...painfully.”

“Show me your worst then, tough guy, cause I’m not going down without a fight.” You taunt right back, waiting for him to come closer. Though thrown off as his foot tosses a board up, kicking it in your direction, instead of coming straight for you. It's something you can easily deflect, but it hides Yunho’s form long enough that you aren’t prepared for him to be at you, metal chain in hand, and quickly wrapped around your throat. Leaving you gasping and squirming, barely able to turn around before he presses you against the wall, your hands gripping the metal tightly, trying to pull it off your neck enough to get a breath.

You’re lucky to get a foot on the wall, using the leverage and walking up the wall to flip over Yunho. The chains now in your hand instead of around your throat. You twist, pulling the chain, and Yunho along with and onto the ground. Hovering over him before landing a hard punch to knock him out, while he was still stunned.

“You okay, San?” You question hearing the sounds stop from the other group, the girl huffing as she flips her hair out of her face with a soft chuckle, before approaching footsteps.

“Yeah, just a normal day on the job. You good too?” She asks, watching you secure Yunho with the chains with a nod. Doing it on the off chance, he regained consciousness before someone came to get him. She laughs at his state, “Was it really necessary to leave a mark like that?”

“Yeah...it was.” You shrug, backing away from him to head towards another motorcycle sitting there and grabbing a helmet, “Come on, let’s go help, Yeo.”

Seonghwa spotted Yeosang in his rearview mirror as he drove away, the latter quickly working to close the gap between the two of them. Seonghwa moving to take a more public road now, weaving in and out of cars hoping Yeosang wouldn't spot one before it could hit her. It didn't matter, though, as she reached his Jeep, jumping off the bike, to grab onto the back of it. Yeosang holds on tightly as Seonghwa made a sudden turn trying to throw her off. Yeosang hanging on long enough to be able to pull herself up and into the back, though.

Just because Yeosang no longer had to worry about the risk of being flung off the car immediately, didn't mean she had time to catch her breath. She was quick to climb up, punching Seonghwa and trying to gain control over the wheel, though he was not thrown off for long, before shoving her back off him. Yeosang slamming back into the car door on the opposite side. It popped open just as she grabbed the frame of the car to pull herself back in. Shutting the door behind herself, but getting an idea from what had happened.

Yeosang grabbed the frame of the car, kicking across the center console to throw Seonghwa against the door on his side. It popped open like the other one had his grip on the wheel the only thing keeping him inside until she did it again at least. Seonghwa rolled out of the car as Yeosang hopped into the driver's seat and safely pulled it over and to a stop. You and San, reaching them as Seonghwa pulled himself back up.

"Hongjoong is gone and your base is gone. What can the three of you do to stop me at this point? You're alone and don't have anything." Seonghwa continues to refuse the fact that he didn't stand a chance. Rejecting defeat until the very end.

The three of you standing, side-by-side in front of him, in the signature angels ass-kicking pose. You shake your head, "You're wrong, Seonghwa. You're the only one here who's alone."

"Besides, once an angel, always an angel." A voice calls from behind Seonghwa. More angels, currently, and returned surrounding him down, "You picked the wrong fight."

The three of you looking at each other and smirking, before knocking Seonghwa out while he was distracted. Wooyoung and Mingi driving up, the former immediately jumping out, still frantic.

"I see you girls got reinforcements. Did I do alright? You're all fine, right?" Wooyoung questions looking over you girls, making you chuckle and nod, to which he breathes a soft sigh of relief.

"What about Hongjoong, is he okay?" Yeosang asks, voicing your worries. Wooyoung smiles, pulling out his phone and clicking the button.

"Hello, angels. Good work on another successful mission. I think you girls have earned yourselves a vacation... don't get too comfortable though, it's only until you get a new base."

"Thank you, Hongjoong! We're glad you're okay."

Wooyoung hangs up, turning back to the car as Mingi flusters and opens the door shyly for Yeosang. His cheeks tinted a bright pink, smiling softly at her as his eyes sparkle.

"T-Thank you for saving me." Mingi looks her right in the eyes, "M-Maybe I could make it up to you...o-over dinner sometime? U-Unless you're seeing someone?"

"Yeah." Yeosang smiles, before seeing his face fall and realizing how that sounded, "I-I mean, yeah, I'd love to do dinner or something... I-I'm not seeing anyone."

You and San roll your eyes, laughing softly. Before you finally speak up, "Come on you two, get in the car."

"Yeah, Hongjoong's giving us a vacation, and I want to soak in as much beach time as I can get before we're off again," San adds, Wooyoung rolling his eyes at your antics and getting in the driver's seat once more to drive the whole group of you off.

The vacation on Hongjoong this time, it being the least he could do to take care of his angels.

#ateez #ateez imagines #ateez oneshot #hongjoong oneshot #hongjoong #pirate-hongjoong #yeosang #yeosang imagines #yeosang oneshot #san oneshot #san #san imagines

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stones-x-bones · 3 years

Text

Classic Blunder || Ben and Bex

TIMING: Current PARTIES: @professorbcampbell and @inbextween SUMMARY: Ben finds Bex reading alone in the hallway and decides she’s quite a remarkable find. CONTENT: Brief Domestic Abuse mention

Being back at school was a strange feeling. Bex was eager to be back, she did love learning after all, but the strangeness of it came from sitting through hour long lectures about modern law and criminal justice systems, because despite trying to convince herself that she could still do this, she really didn’t want to be doing this. There was a meager acceptance as she sulked through her mandatory classes of the day, only to give herself the gifts of her electives-- A Timeline Of History Before Humans and, of course, Professor Beck’s class, Our Monsters, Ourselves: Recognizing the Other in Speculative Literature-- after them. She always came away feeling refreshed from them, especially now more so that she was living at Morgan’s. Going home to a place that didn’t feel...suffocating was nicer than Bex had ever imagined. But, that still left a lingering fear in her-- because, ultimately, she’d have to go home one day. And it was probably going to have to be someday soon. So perhaps the strangeness was more a feeling of bittersweet, because despite the bruises now fading on her skin, and the cuts closing up, the things that brought her joy also reminded her of the fact that they would not last. They simply could not.

Morgan’s class had ended a while ago, but Bex still lingered in the hallway. She was reading one of the books she’d borrowed from Morgan’s library, about Ancient History and how the stories of the past influence modern literature. There was only one bench in the hallway and she’d curled up on it, letting the masses of students wander by, not paying much attention to them and they paid little attention to her. But she remained even after the halls had cleared and more classes had started, lost in her book. She didn’t even notice the footsteps in the hallway, or the man approaching her.

Shutting his attache case with a final sigh, Ben stood up from his desk and shut the door to his office. It had been a long day of grading, office hours, and a department meeting, but it was worth it in the end. Making the right appearances, maintaining a good work flow, ensuring that his end of semester feedback responses were just where they needed to be-- it was all a balancing act. And it was an act he excelled at. Locking the door behind him, Ben made his way through the winding hallways of his building towards the exit. As he made his way through the halls, his forehead creased as caught sight of a young woman lost in a book. “I hope you don’t have a class to be going to,” Ben commented loudly, slowing to a halt in front of the girl. “Not that I’d tell on you-- this isn’t high school, after all.” He said with a conspiratorial grin. “What are you reading?”

Bex nearly jumped out of her skin when the man spoke, snapping her book shut out of reflex. She looked up at him, trying to shake off the jitters that had suddenly crawled into her hands. “O-oh, no! I don’t! I just got out of class, I pro--” she stopped herself mid sentence and shook her head, “I just got done with my last class of the day, I just like, you know, the atmosphere here sometimes cause it gets real quiet and there’s usually no one around in the halls, so reading is easy, but I--” she needed to take a breath, to calm down-- “sorry. Sometimes I talk a lot when I get nervous. Not that I’m nervous! You just kind of...caught me off guard.” But he didn’t seem too perturbed by her frantic rambling and he looked like one of the nicer professors, unlike most of the ones who had permanent furrows in their brows. She looked down at the book in her hands. “Oh, um…” held it up to him, “it’s something Professor Beck lent to me. A-about the history of storytelling and how it influences modern literature and media. Do you, um, know her? Professor Beck? Are you in the lit department, too?”

Slipping his hand into the pocket of his trousers, Ben listened to her ramble with a patient smile on his face. She was one of those students. The anxious, over-eager, not yet self-assured children. Ripe for the picking. And his little gatherings, they were long overdue for a fresh face, for fresh blood. “I was only joking, I’m sorry for making you nervous.” He said with a laugh and apologetic shrug that he didn’t mean. “Or rather-- not nervous.” Ben corrected himself. Watching as she held up the book, his eyes flicked across the cover. It seemed… exactly like the kind of drivel Bitchy Fucking Beck would have in her personal collection. Modern literature and media-- what sort of study was that? Were her students analyzing movies? Or, he shuddered to think, TikToks? Disgusting. But, his expression remained politely intrigued, “Ah yes, Morgan and I are well acquainted. And no, I’m not a member of the literature department, but we work within the same college. I’m a professor of the Classics and not,” Ben let out a wry chuckle, “Literary classics. I teach Greek and Roman classics. I’m sure your book includes some references to the old mythologies and tales from back then.”

“Oh, no, it’s okay! Really! It was mostly my fault. I’m really bad at paying attention, sometimes. Especially when I’m reading a book.” Bex gave her best attempt at a reassuring smile, finding that innate part of her that needed to please adults surfacing again. She perked up a bit when he mentioned knowing Professor Beck. “You are? She’s great, don’t you think? I mean, I’m kind of struggling in her class, but it’s because I’m really bad at creative writing and critical analysis of literature, but I enjoy it! It’s interesting and I like learning new things.” She watched him eye the book before setting it down in her lap again, fiddling with the cover. “Oh, you teach the classics? That’s so cool. I’ve always been interested in studying them academically. I’ve read a lot of books on them-- like, a lot-- but I’ve never taken a class for it! And um, it sort of does, obviously! Story-telling was often used as the only means to pass on history and culture and it was such a large part of both the Greek’s and Roman’s society. I know it’s kind of typical, for people to enjoy Greek mythology, but there’s a reason it’s so popular. But, um, I don’t really have to tell you that, do I?” She chewed her lip anxiously. “Sorry, uh-- I’m Bexley, by the way.” Stood up, holding her hand out. “Professional rambler.”

“Nothing wrong with getting lost in a good book,” Ben said with a nod, “I’m guilty of that particular crime myself.” Among other, actual crimes. But, that was neither here nor there. Watching the way her eyes seemed to light up at the mention of Beck, Ben offered a reassuring smile. She was one of these foolish children who preferred fiction to fact, hm? But, as the girl continued to speak, perhaps, he thought, not. “Ah, regardless of performance, the pursuit of knowledge is a wonderful thing. That’s why we’re all here, right?” He said. Listening patiently as the girl’s words took on a meandering, if anxious, quality, Ben regarded her with a practiced eye. She was young, she hardly looked old enough to order a drink. There was a nervous anxiety that practically bubbled over from within her-- he could see it in the way she played with her book, how she bit her lip, the skittish way she moved. Interesting, very interesting. “Oh no, I’m always happy to hear what fellow lovers of the classics have to say.” He said and shook her hand firmly, a broad smile on his face. “Ben Campbell. Professional Rambler of the Classics. If you ever have the misfortune of attending one of my classes, I can assure you, I have you beat in the rambling department.”

“Oh, do you like reading books, too? What kind? Do you have your own library? Professor Beck has a huge library at her place. She lets me pick whatever I want to read.” Bex gave the professor a genuine grin as he took her hand to shake. He had a firm grip, and she remembered all the times her father told her a man could be judged by how firm his handshake was. She still didn’t understand what that meant. “I’m trying my best, and, really, that’s all I can do right now, right?” Even if that fact still made her feel poorly. She hoped her inability to keep the waver from her voice wasn’t a dead giveaway. She shook it off and readjusted. “Nice to meet you, Professor Campbell! And, well, I mean-- who wouldn’t ramble about the Classics? There’s a lot to say about them, and a lot to, you know-- know.” She wasn’t sure she was making too much sense anymore, but the lack of sleep was getting to her. She really needed to sleep. Rubbing her eyes, she looked around the empty hallway. “Have you taught here long? This is my first year at UMWC so I don’t know a lot of the professors. Or a lot of the staff. Or...students.” She knew Mina, and she knew some of the weird kids in Morgan’s class, and she knew Frank. But that was about it. She really needed more friends. “Sorry! If I’m keeping you, you can go. You probably don’t wanna be stuck talking to some awkward student who’s not even in your class.”

With an amused smile, Ben replied, “Yes, I do. I have a rather large collection of books at my home, as well as in my office. Most of the ones I keep here are related to my classes, but my personal library at home is a bit more diverse. Still, I’m rapidly running out of room in my collection. A pretty common struggle for your average bookworm, I suppose.” He said with a chuckle. “Of course! And I’m sure your professors understand that. What are you majoring, if you don’t mind me asking?” He asked. She knew Beck-- quite closely too, it seemed. But, she’d also said she wasn’t the creative sort. Hm. So how did she know her? “It’s nice to meet as well, Bexley.” He beamed. “I’ve taught here for the past ten years. First as an adjunct but I’m now an associate. Though I doubt you wanted to know that-- suffice to say, I’ve been here for some time. How are you finding your classes? I’m always interested in hearing what students think of the matriculation process.” He said before waving off her concern. “Ah, no, I’m done for the day. Like I said. I value what our student body has to say about the university.”

Bex’s eyes lit up at his words. “You have a library here?” she couldn’t help but ask, not thinking much of it, really. She wanted to see it. Books were her only escape for the longest time. It sounded stupid and cliche, but when you were locked up in a room for most of your life, adventure was where you made it. In hallways, in blanket forts, in books under the bed. She couldn’t help the curious glow in her eyes. “Oh, yeah, I totally get that. Most of the books I have at home are stuffed in my closet, but my dad’s library is pretty big. Though, he really only has law texts and old books on, like, world wars and stuff. I never understood the appeal of them, but I guess some people just like different things. I, uh-- I’m majoring in law. Well, pre-law, but, you know.” She shrugged. “Ten years? Wow, that’s a really long time. You must know this place well.” She wondered if he knew about all the hidden secrets White Crest had. He seemed so normal. But, then again, she seemed normal, too, didn’t she? Sometimes? “Oh, no worries! I don’t mind! Tell me whatever you want, I’ve been told I’m a good listener and I never mind learning more about people. But, uh-- classes are fine! They’re-- I was out for a bit, cause I was um...sick,” she scratched at the back of her neck, “but I’m catching back up, I think. It’s nice to know a lot of the professors here care so much about the students. Penn State felt very...different.” And yet she missed it. Missed the freedom. “That’s where I transferred from. I actually grew up here, but I don’t ever really feel like I did, since my parents sent me to private school.” And there she went, oversharing again. She bit her lip. “Sorry, that was probably more information than you wanted from someone who’s not even in your class.”

“Library is a strong word to describe my office, it’s just a wall with some shelves. But, it’s rather comprehensive, if I do say so myself.” Ben said with faux modesty. Always better to play the bashful professor than to yammer on about how much time and money and effort he had put into his collection. Particularly the money. There were first editions in his collection that librarians dreamed of. “I can’t say I understand the interest in the world wars either, but again. I’m a professor of antiquity. Anything beyond 6th century AD is too new for my tastes. It’s a wonder I can even use a smartphone.” He smiled at his own little joke. “Pre-law, that’s got quite the courseload. How are you finding it compared to Penn state?” He asked, shifting his weight so he could stand more comfortably, his body language relaxed and open as he listened to her ramble. “No, no, it’s quite alright. I grew up in town as well, but I went to college elsewhere, so I can understand that sentiment.”

“Wow,” Bex breathed, “I’m a bit jealous. I think it’s my dream one day to just have an entire room full of books. I...guess that’s really just a library, but they wouldn’t even need to be shelved. Stacks on stacks would be nice. I would shelve the nice ones, though. I’m not a heathen, I take care of my books!” In a way, Professor Campbell almost reminded Bex of Morgan. Less wiccan, though, and more scholarly. “Oh, really? What’s your favorite period? And, well, smartphones can be confusing, but really they’re just small computers. If you ever need help, I can probably show you. I had to show someone else recently how to use her smart phone cause she couldn’t figure out how to change the background wallpaper.” She swallowed, nodding maybe a little too eagerly. “Yeah, yep-- heavy course load. Lots of reading and citing and making sure everything is exactly word for word. My whole family is lawyers and they’ve all got degrees from Harvard, so you’d think it’d come naturally to me, but I guess I didn’t get the right genes. I’m trying my best, though, you know? And UMWC is...smaller than Penn, but I guess it feels...cozier? I liked the freedom I had at Penn state, but it was really high pressure. A lot of the kids in my program here just seem really bored, though. This isn’t a top school for pre-law so you have to get really high scores in order to even think about getting into Yale or Harvard or Princeton, so I think a lot of them are resigned to just going to second rate grad schools. Where’d you go to college?”

“Sounds like the dream of a fellow scholar,” Ben said, voice kind and understanding. She seemed young, impressionable. Eager to learn, eager to please. Interesting. How very interesting. “I’ve gone through the stacks of books phase myself, I know how that is. But, having shelves just really ties a room together. There’s nothing quite like seeing all the spines laid out, the titles staring back at you. It’s a wonderful thing.” He said with a nod. “I’m quite a fan of the first century of the Roman Empire. Marcus Aurelius, his works still hold to this day.” At the girl’s offer, he let out a small laugh, though internally he wanted to roll his eyes. He wasn’t inept. “I appreciate the gesture, but I think I’ll be fine. Thank you for the offer, though!” He said. As she continued to speak-- on and on, about her family, about her inane observations of what the campuses were like-- Ben continued to mentally measure and weigh her. This Bexley girl, she was new to the university, still trying to find her footing. She didn’t know many people, students or staff, she’d admitted that herself. She seemed as though she was struggling with that critical jump that all students experienced when they entered college. And who was he to withhold aid from a student in need? “Ah, I went to Princeton actually. For both undergrad and my doctorate. But, UMWC is still an upstanding school-- it’s no Ivy League, but I can assure you, faculty here are providing just as rigorous of an academic experience.”

“Well, I mean, that would be nice,” Bex sighed, “I don’t think I’d mind teaching all too much, but I’ve already got my future career all planned out.” Not that she was all too excited about it, and she was more than sure that it was getting harder and harder for her to hide that fact. SHe laughed it off and gave a smile. “I can’t wait to have my own library, it really does sound like a dream come true.” Her eyes perked up. “Oh, that’s a good one! The rise of the Roman Empire really is one of the most incredible things to read about. I’ve always wanted to go to Rome and see the remains of the old empire. Have you been?” She smiled up at him again, shifting in her spot. :Ah, right, of course. I just kinda-- like to offer to help. I like feeling like I can help, you know? And, wow, Princeton! That’s a pretty prestigious school. I think my parents really want me to go to Harvard. Did you like Princeton? And yeah, totally! I-I know this school is pretty great and there are a lot of wonderful professors, it just usually helps being at an Ivy League if you wanna get in somewhere like Harvard. Or Princeton. So I’ll just have to, you know, try harder. Which is fine! I can do that.” And hopefully not run herself too ragged in the process.

“As cliche as it is, I can’t help but quote John Lennon-- Life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans.” Ben said, shamelessly using the quote. It was very “motivational poster-esque” but it resonated in students, for one reason or another. “So who’s to say what the future holds? I never thought I’d be a professor either, but I fell in love with academics during my undergraduate degree. Once I figured out that I wanted to teach the coming generations, who all shared my passion? I never looked back.” He replied. “Oh yes, I spent the third year of my doctoral program across Europe, assisting in archeological digs. I must say, I was jealous when I heard they uncovered the tomb of Romulus last February. I would have given anything to see that.” Ben let out a sigh and gave a shrug. As she continued on, babbling away, Ben was beginning to put together a nice little picture of her life. Overbearing parents, who wanted her to be something that-- well, he couldn’t quite tell if she wanted to be that. But, there was a hesitation to her that seemed quite promising. “I enjoyed my experience there quite a bit-- the environment, my peers, the professors… All of them were incredibly influential on my professional journey. And I owe my success to the university.” He smiled, though it faded as she mentioned trying harder. Eyebrows knitting together, he replied, “You know, rest is a very critical part of growth. It never hurts to take a break from time to time.”

Bex felt her immediate reaction bubbling up her throat-- John Lennon was such a problematic man, but of course a white cis man would think his quotes were profound-- but she swallowed it back down, smiling sweetly. “Sometimes cliche is true, though. They’re cliche for a reason, right?” She didn’t like the implication of it, though. Was she so transparent? That she didn’t want the life her parents had laid out for her? She rubbed her arm absently. “I know that, though. That I should stop and enjoy life. But what I want is kind of irrelevant. My family has been lawyers for centuries and every daughter has always taken over the business. So even if I don’t wanna do that, I don’t really have a choice.” But her grievance was immediately dismissed. “Wait-- you’ve been on digs? Like real, actual, digs!? Where you found stuff and you got to-- you got to see it first hand? Which digs? Where were they? What did you find? Oh, god, I nearly cried when they found Romulus’ tomb! What an amazing discovery! Can you even imagine being there for that? Or the new tomb they found in the Valley of King’s? It always feels like we’ve discovered so much, but then we just keep finding more and it’s amazing.” She couldn’t help the sparkle in her eye or the shine in her voice-- this was her true passion and the worst part about being a lawyer was that it made it impossible to chase. “Wow, Princeton sounds amazing. I haven’t done a campus visit yet, but I’ve heard good things about Harvard. If I make it in.” She withdrew a little at that. “I-- I know. And I did! Take a break. Sort of. It was an unintended break, but a break all the same.” If being in a nightmarish dreamscape counted as a break.

“Indeed.” Ben said affably, eyes still analyzing her every move. The way she shifted in place, the way she rubbed her arm, the way her smile seemed a fraction less genuine than it had before. It seemed she wasn’t one for John Lennon. Suited him just fine, the Beatles were vastly overrated and John Lennon was a musician, what bearing did he have on anything that mattered? “I’m just a professor, so… please, you don’t need to take this to heart. But, life is meant to be lived, is it not? And what’s more important to life than choice? The freedom to live as you please and to live without wondering how things might have been different, it’s incredibly important.” He said with a firm nod before easing back slightly, his eyes losing some of their intensity. It seemed as though his mention of his field work had piqued her interest though, which was something else he made note of. If they met again-- and he would make a point of meeting her again-- he would have to bring that up. “I did. Truly incredible, the discovery they made there was absolutely groundbreaking. Literally, given how the dig went.” Ben joked. “History is absolutely like that. Just when we think we know it all, our ancestors surprise us.” Glancing down at his watch, Ben raised his eyebrows, as though startled by how much time had passed. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to keep you. It’s not everyday I meet such a remarkable student like yourself, though.” Reaching into his jacket, he withdrew one of his cards and handed it to Bex. “If you’re ever interested in talking more-- about archeology or the Ivy Leagues, please feel free to contact me. I also have office hours on Thursday and Fridays, my door is open to you.” He said with a bright, toothy smile.

Bex went still when he started explaining. It was the same things Morgan always told her, that her choice mattered, her wants mattered-- but it wasn’t as easy as all that. She had duties, she had responsibilities. Leaving that life just wasn’t an option. Her parents had made sure to drill that into her from a young age. This was her life, this would always be her life. She had no choice. Her eyes sank to the floor, she no longer felt brave enough to look him in the eye, even as he described his incredible experience of being part of a dig, being a part of history itself. It should have made her heart flutter to hear about it, but something inside of her told her to stop letting herself believe that one day she might get to have something like that, too. She nodded slowly. “No, it’s fine! You didn’t keep me,” she said, trying to keep the smile plastered to her face as she glanced up enough to take the card he was offering her. She stared at the neatly typed words pressed onto the paper. Benjamin Campbell. Professor of the Classics. His information was included below the title. “Remarkable?” she repeated, unsure if she’d heard that word right. “But I’m not even--” in any of his classes. But as she looked at him, she knew the offer was genuine. Her smile came a little easier this time. “Thank you. Really. For-- for this.” She pocketed the card. “It was really great to meet you, Professor. I’ll um-- I’ll see you around. I usually tend to read here most days so, you know.” She chewed her lip before grabbing her bag. “Thanks. A-again.” She needed to stop saying thanks, Mina would kill her if she knew. “I appreciate you taking the time to talk to me.” And then with that, she scurried off, the business card, and a million questions, burning a hole in her pocket. She couldn’t wait to talk to him again-- maybe things really weren’t as bad as they felt. Maybe she could have a good life here.

#chatzy #chatzy: ben #wickedswriting #classic blunder #ben #domestic abuse mention tw #//the mention is in the very first paragraph if people wanna skip

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the-cookie-of-doom · 3 years

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Good morning! Whats your favorite show/movie? Who are your favorite characters? Why do you like them so much? Also!! Did you have a good sleep?

Okay so I was a film major for a while, and I have opinions.

Penny Dreadful

I love this show. Like, so much. I adore it. I can not get enough of that show. Just all of the imagery, and the fantastic writing and acting. The episode intro alone is one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever seen. Eva Green is a goddess and I love everything she’s been in. The take on classic horror stories is So Good, and it actually became the inspiration for my Gay Frankenstein story! (Started as a stitch AU, and then went completely OC after I had Ideas) but the show itself is so intimate? I think it’s largely that the period they’re in, everything was so repressed and restricted. So when the characters break out of those moments, it’s more meaningful. And the love-hate relationship between Ms. Ives and Malcolm in season one? Exquisite. I could literally write essay’s about this show, but I’ll restrain myself and just say: it’s the best ensemble show I’ve ever seen. The characters come together, but they also each have their own distinct lives that sometimes intersect, but in s2 especially, are quite separate. They are constant with one another like ensemble shows usually portray. Also gothic horror and romance? My absolute favorite.

Anything by Guillermo del Toro

This man Owns My Entire Soul. I’m not even joking, everything he writes and directs is perfection. Crimson Peak is probably my favorite (I have a stitch AU for this too ;) ) because again, Gothic horror and romance. I’m a slut for that shit. Also Tom Hiddleston and Jessica Chastain? Delightful casting. I think it’s obvious by now that I love tragic relationships, so their dynamic is *chef’s kiss* amazing. they’re so damaged. And this quote right here is one of the BEST things I’ve ever read:

“But the horror... The horror was for love. The things we do for love like this are ugly, mad, full of sweat and regret. This love burns you and maims you and twists you inside out. It is a monstrous love and it makes monsters of us all.”

Engrave that on my headstone, please?? I’ve got a sort-of Dorian Gray AU (it’s delightful) that’s basically built on this entire premise. Mitch makes the mistake of falling in love with Stiles, and does many terrible things because of it. Mostly to himself, at least.

I think my love of Crimson Peak is very closely tied with The Shape of Water. another beautiful movie, I could wax poetic about this forever. it was beautifully written, and such an artistic movie. I love the way it was filmed, and the set design, and all of the subtle imagery. Such as Elisa’s apartment being cast in cooler tones, it always felt very damp and had evidence of water damage, compared to Giles’, a mirror image of her own, in more warm tones. This is another one I could (and have) write essays about. There is so much packed into this movie, from the themes on toxic masculinity and entitlement, to the conversation on queerness and race and disability, and how all the various relationships are portrayed. Like. there is so much to pick apart in this movie.

Aside from that, ofc Hell Boy deserves an honorable mention because i grew up on those movies. I’m pretty sure the Golden Army especially is responsible for who I am today, given all the lore on the fae in that universe. Wow, that explains so much about me... Also one of my first WoW characters was an elf named Nuala xD I still have her, too, and it’s been like 12 years lol

Near-Future Sci-Fi

Sci-fi is one of my favorite genres, I am a huge nerd for theoretical and astrophysics. But my favorite kind of sci-fi is the stuff that still takes place on Earth, rather than epic battles in space. Ex Machina and Annihilation are at the top of that list. Alex Garland is another writer/director that I love. He has the same kind of approach as del Toro, where he puts a lot of fine details into his work. And I love that it’s very cerebral; there are so many layers to Ex Machina. My English 101 prof actually refused to analyze it in class when I suggested it to him, because he didn’t think my class could. Basically handle? Dissecting that movie? Because a lot of it comes across as very surface level, but in some cases when you look deeper, it’s actually suggesting the opposite of what you might think at first glance. (And he was right, my fellow students were awful. I miss that class though, it was one of my favorites T_T Mr. Ryder was an awesome dude and super chill.)

Morgan is another good example. As you can see, I fucking love androids lol. Which brings me to another of my all time favorite movies: Cloud Atlas. I could literally watch this movie endlessly, I love it so much. The acting, the writing, the filming, all of it is top notch. And one thing they did in the movie that didn’t come across in the book, was reusing the same actors through the different eras in the book. That was just so neat, because it really encapsulates how connected these souls are, as we follow the threads of their story throughout time. If you haven’t seen the movie, I can’t recommend it enough.

Another one I always think of alongside Cloud Atlas, even though they aren’t related at all, is Predestination. It’s a great movie that explores the idea of fate and free will in a really clever way, utilizes time travel in a very organized way that I think was neat (think Umbrella Academy. They even use briefcases! As you can see, I love sci-fi bureaucracy, it’s fun. In fact The Bureau is another movie I enjoyed) and the main character is actually, explicitly trans, which was cool. You basically get to see the entire story of their life, and I don’t want to spoil anything, but it’s just. So good. Mindfuckery galore.

Shoot, and I almost forgot! Arrival! That is one of the best movies, and another one I could watch nonstop. It focuses on mathematics and linguistics and I swear to god, I almost altered my entire college course because of this movie. Amy Addams is brilliant, Jeremy Renner is so soft and nerdy, and again, it has an amazing take on time travel. I am very particular about how time is handled in Sci-fi, and this portrayal was one of my favorite. (Most of my physics studies have been dedicated to the theory of time, so like. Strong Opinions.)

Fantasy

Stardust! It wasn’t until Good Omens can out that I realized Neil Gaiman is responsible for most of the stories I loved as a kid lol, and I had no idea he wrote stardust! But that is such a beautiful movie (I have a Stardust AU lol) and it’s definitely one of my comfort movies. Captain Shakespeare is one of the best characters ever, bless Robert de Niro. I would die for him. Fun fact, i had no idea Ipswitch was a real place until like. 2019. I 100% thought it was made up for the movie 😂

Alongside Stardust, I’ve always loved The Golden Compass. It’s fantasy, but also with that old-timey steampunk science feel, which is so fun and surprisingly difficult to find!

Mortal Engines also has the same kind of feel, and it was such an epic movie in every sense of the word. I’m a little sad that after all the work that went into it, it didn’t get a dedicated following or fan base, because I feel there’s so much potential in it. But at the same time, fandom tends to gather around media that has plenty of flaws for us to repair with gold, and there wasn’t much room for that in Mortal Engines.

I’m going to put Jupiter Ascending here even though it technically fits with the sci-fi, because that section is long as fuck and also this movie has such a fantastic feel. Mila Kunis? beautiful. The CGI? beautiful. Eddy Redmayne? One of the best villain portrayals i’ve ever seen. The whole oedipal vibe he had was immaculate, as was their portrayal of reincarnation, and just. The world building. GOD. I get so weak for through world building. Also the fkn intergalactic bureaucracy when they’re basically at the space DMV? One of my all time favorite scenes in movie history.

Horror

I have very little room in my life for horror. As I said, I have strong movie opinions, especially when it comes to horror movies. I don’t like how most of them rely on cheap jump scares and overused gore and gratuitous rape scenes, instead of, y'know, actual good writing.

Which is EXACTLY why I adore It: Chapter 1 & 2. It has none of those things, but still manages to be so terrifying. They are my favorite horror movies, and I’m saying this as someone who has genuine childhood trauma bc of the novel. Like. I couldn’t shower/take baths alone until I was almost 10 T_T When I was 6-7 and saw kids play by storm drains, I would run over screaming about how Pennywise was going to get them. Like, I had issues man. I was terrified to see the first one, and wouldn’t go until I could go with my best friend after she had already seen it, so she could warn me when something scary was about to happen 😂

And, one of my favorite aspects of the movie, and the thing that gave me Mad Respect for Any Muschietti? The way he filmed Bev and her father. They have a character who is literally being molested, but they never once have to show it. And yet their interactions are still so viscerally upsetting to watch. Sexploitation puts me off of most horror, and the fact that Muschietti doesn’t use it here, even when it would be actually somewhat justified? *chef’s kiss*. I love him.

I love horror as a concept, I’m just really picky about it because I expect the writing to be good. I don’t like short cuts. But in a lot of cases, even if I don’t enjoy the movie itself, I love to watch analysis videos on youtube! I love to see the philosophy and symbolism in different horror movies, even if i don’t like to watch the movies themselves. It’s a fun hobby.

Misc.

Then in general, some other stuff I love in no particular order:

The Internship (Bless Dylan, Stuart is such a bitch and I love him)

American Assassin (ofc. The writing itself is eh, but Mitch is my man)

Dylan’s episode of Weird City. (I actually have a lot of feelings about this one. Jordan Peele is another amazing writer/director, I really need to catch up on his works.)

Dorian Gray (*chef’s kiss*)

Rogue One (Makes me cry every time)

WARCRAFT (Obviously this is a fav. It made me so happy, words cannot express.)

Coraline and most other stop motion animation. I’ve always had a soft spot in my heart for that.

Literally anything associated with Tim Burton. Fun fact, when I was 12 and in middle school, I planned to decorate my future house inspired by tim burton. Like, i had Plans.

Most adaptations of Alice in Wonderland!

So! this got long as fuck! But you said you like that kind of thing lol 😂 I had kinda Eh sleep since I was up so late lmao, and I kept waking up (as usual, rip). And I’m so mad I go up for nothing! The dude I was supposed to show my listing to never showed, and is refusing to answer my calls >_> It’s been 2 hours now, and I still haven’t heard from him. But whatever, I already have a full price cash offer on the house so who cares. And that means I can play WoW all day, now!

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whisker-biscuit · 4 years

Text

In the Name of Science: Chapter 1

Fandom: Sonic Movie (2020)

Rating: T for unethical experimentation, implied violence and gore, and implied torture

Summary: Tom and Maddie didn’t make it in time to rescue Sonic from Robotnik. Hopefully it’s not too late to save him now. Unfortunately, hope is hard to come by in the labs of the mad doctor himself.

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Dr. Ivo Robotnik, M.D. Log 1

Preliminary report: Subject is 3’3”, 14.1 lbs., male. Age and maturity unknown. Vaguely resembles four-toed hedgehog from outward appearance and obvious anatomy. Fur and quill are primarily cobalt blue, with chest and stomach fur light coral peach. Blood sample taken, analysis tbc. Note: internal anatomy to be examined at later date, due to blunt trauma and related injuries.

At 23:30 MST during transportation, subject’s heart ceased regular palpitations. Resuscitation was administered and subject was revived successfully. No other heart or organ irregularities occurred, and subject was transferred to personal laboratory at 1:56 MST for examination. About to conduct preliminary quill count and inspection at time of report.

Subject has yet to regain consciousness since initial containment.

End log

…….

Sonic comes to on a metal table, his face smashed against cold steel and his limbs stretched above and below him, cuffed together. He groans as the aches and pains from the fight with Eggman catches up all at once, and his body’s current position certainly isn’t helping. The hedgehog rubs his cheek against the metal, using the cold to try and ground himself so he can figure out how bad his situation is.

He doesn’t remember much beyond trying to escape at the top of the pyramid. There was heat at his back, and then everything hurt even more than it does now. So that must mean….

Something starts touching his quills. He stiffens.

“H-Hey, who’s there? What do you want?”

There’s no response, and whatever is messing with his quills moves down to their base, meeting fur and skin. Sonic gasps as the same freezing sensation from the table runs along his back. A weird high-pitched whirring fills the air as it goes along. Oh, it’s a robot doing that.

He struggles to turn his head to get a better look at this thing, but he can’t move more than a few inches. The robot continues to probe at his quills, seemingly oblivious to his response, and no matter how Sonic tries to twist and turn, nothing changes at all.

After what feels like an eternity, the robot pulls away and makes a sudden loud clicking sound. It startles the hedgehog into a jolt that he immediately regrets. His body protests, loudly.

“Quill count: 5933.”

“What?” He asks through gritted teeth, waiting for the pounding pain to go away.

The robot doesn’t reply, but then it starts poking at his fur again. Two fingers – are they fingers? Sonic hopes they’re fingers – find a longer quill and pinch at its base. He realizes what’s going to happen right before it does.

“Don’t-!”

It pulls. He sucks in a breath, closing his eyes as the quill is ripped out of his back. He’s no stranger to this sensation, but that doesn’t mean he’s okay with it happening. The robot finds another quill. Sonic flinches and rubs his cheek against the cold.

“Quill count: 5928,” the unfeeling thing announces to nothing once it’s done. It withdraws from the hedgehog who is currently trying to stay calm, holding the stolen quills and moving to some place Sonic still can’t see.

Tired, hurting, and now conflicted between angry and panicked, the teen decides to take a risk.

“Hey Eggman, I know you can hear me! Come out where I can see you! I know you’re scared of people who can kick your butt, but this is ridiculous!”

He yells it out with as much bravado as he can manage, and later he’ll say he was pretty proud of himself for keeping his voice steady. Then he listens, and waits.

For a long while he stays alone in that room, with only the robot doing whatever it’s doing to his quills. But eventually there’s the whoosh of an automatic door opening somewhere behind his left side. Sonic turns his head that way just in time for a long black coat to take up his entire view.

“Finally awake, I see.” The man says, and it’s hard to tell whether he’s pleased or annoyed by this fact. “You’ve been unconscious for nearly 8 hours.”

Sonic’s eyes trail up slowly, meeting the maniacally-gleeful face of his captor. He swallows, and it takes a few moments to find his voice again.

“D-Dang, that long? Must have been quite the beauty rest. How about you let me go so I can look myself in the mirror and tell you if it worked?”

“Just as chatty and full of hot air as your moronic human guardian. I should have expected that, which I did. Nothing ever gets past me, little alien.”

The hedgehog falters. For a single second. “Oh yeah? Better get used to failure then, Eggman. I’ve gotten past you so many times already that I’ve lost count.”

Robotnik takes hold of his ear and twists. Sonic’s mouth clamps shut to keep the whine under his tongue, but he never takes his wide eyes off the scientist.

“Here’s how it’s going to go, hedgehog – which is what you most closely resemble in physical structure and biology, despite the incredibly irrational discrepancies.”

He leans in to speak directly against the teen’s caught ear.

“I’m going to do whatever I want to you, however I want, whenever I want, and the only words I want coming out of your mouth unless stated otherwise are ‘yes Doctor,’ ‘no Doctor,’ or ‘thank you Doctor.’ Do you understand?”

Sonic takes slow, shallowed breaths as he listens, and he steels himself before offering a nickname he’s only heard Donut Lord say twice ever.

“Sure thing, Dr. Douche.”

The hand on his ear pulls so hard that he thinks it’s going to come off. He chokes back a watery whimper when Robotnik forces his head up off the table.

“Pain receptors and nerve endings appear to be fully functional, although I can’t say the same for your auditory processing.”

“Ow, ow ow…” The teen’s hands clench into fists as his head is held back and kept there. He doesn’t dare close his eyes, watching Robotnik like he might rip his ear off entirely the moment he stops staring.

Finally, the man releases him, and Sonic’s head hits the table with a thunk. He winces at the painful contact to his chin.

“Ow-uh, easy on the face! We can’t all look this good naturally, c’mon.”

The doctor stands up straight without acknowledging him. “Agent Stone.”

“Yes, Doctor?”

The hedgehog is startled by the assistant’s voice coming somewhere behind Robotnik; he had no idea the guy was even there.

“Set up my recording equipment pronto. Now that the subject is awake and responding in a…semi-intelligent manner, I do believe it’s time to get information firsthand.”

“Of course sir, right away.” Agent Stone’s voice is already fading as he leaves the room. The sound of equipment being shuffled starts up distantly.

Robotnik’s gloved hand returns to Sonic’s head and he flinches, but this time the touch is light and almost examining. He rubs his thumb and forefinger on either side of the teen’s ear, then trails down to run along the fur on top of his head. Sonic realizes with no small amount of disgust that he’s being petted, like what Tom does with Ozzie.

“Hey, quit it, I’m not a dog!” He tries to pull his head away to no avail.

“Those are the first scientifically correct words you’ve said thus far,” the scientist says quietly. “Although it’s such a low bar. Honestly, I thought that hick cop babysitter of yours was the least sapient lifeform on this planet until you opened your mouth for the first time.”

Sonic bristles. “Don’t talk about him like that. You don’t know anything.”

“Ah, I suppose you’re right. I shouldn’t pigeonhole you in the same category as that knuckle-dragger. You are so much more remarkable than that. A peak product of evolution. Well…physically, at least, but it isn’t so difficult to train animals.”

The hand hasn’t stopped petting him. Sonic feels a sick pit in his stomach, and it’s not just from the betraying urge to lean into the touch.

“If you think I’m going to roll over and do what you want, you’re wrong. I’ll get out of here somehow and then you’re going to regret it.”

“That’s the spirit I like to see! Makes the end result so much more satisfying when I’ve broken it.” Robotnik tilts his head to meet the teen’s anxious glare head-on. Then he half turns away to call out. “Stone! Are you finished yet, or do we need to set aside another eternity?”

“All set and ready to go, sir!” Comes the response from the other room. “The holding pen is prepped and secure as well!”

“Excellent, finally. It’s so hard to find decent human help these days.”

He presses a few buttons on his left glove. A pair of floating egg-like robots appear and connect to Sonic’s restraints, releasing him from the table and lifting him up between them. The hedgehog tries futilely to kick out or make them drop him. Robotnik leads the way towards the other room, not giving his captive a second glance.

“Now the time for pointless chit-chat is over! Time for proper scientific observation!”

All Sonic can do is struggle as he’s carried away.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A/N: I thought Robotnik would be really hard to characterize, but I'm having an easier time with him than expected. Maybe it's cause Sonic is the one fighting me at every turn heh. Also, remember how in the movie Sonic supposedly stopped breathing and then got revived from his powers and friendship? Yeah, me too :)

Thanks for reading, hope you enjoy!

Prologue

Chapter 2

#sonic movie #sonic the hedgehog #sonic movie spoilers #dr. robotnik #agent stone #experimentation

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jamestaylorswift · 4 years

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The Archer - Analysis

I was nudged to write out my thoughts about “The Archer” and I’m honestly glad for the push. This song is so beautiful yet haunting. I don’t see people appreciating it as much as I think it should be appreciated.

Standard disclaimer that this is my own personal reading of the song. You are free to disagree with any or all of what I say. There are many good interpretations of this song out there. It helps that it’s a very evocative track 5!

This analysis is not short. Sorry.

——

Combat, I’m ready for combat

I say I don’t want that, but what if I do?

‘Cause cruelty wins in the movies

I’ve got a hundred thrown-out speeches I almost said to you

——

Unlike other tracks on Lover, there’s no concrete imagery such as a garden gate or prom dress in this song. Taylor is sharing what only exists in her mind. This is a story told purely with metaphors. It’s important to lean into them.

The purpose of the first verse is to contextualize the rest of the song. She introduces the idea of being torn about wanting a fight. She would only want to fight someone if she has a really good reason to do so. Her driving force is “cruelty winning in the movies.” Her thrown-out speeches are the thing that would start the fight. Tossing the speeches implies that she is unsure not of the content of the speeches but of entering the fray of battle that would ensue after delivering them.

It’s very hard for me to see these speeches as anything but coming out speeches. Coming out (even as a non-celebrity) is often stressful. Cruelty winning in the movies is a nod to the fact that mainstream media depicts LGBTQ characters meeting tragic ends. Taylor, as a wildly famous celebrity, has cultural influence. Her coming out would impact the culture; it could change the endings of those movies. But her impact would only be measurable years in the future.

This verse is also where she first addresses the “you” in the song. I think the “you” is essentially a random observer/everyday Joe Schmoe. It’s nobody in particular because it could be anybody. The only thing remarkable about “you” is that she’s directly addressing them. That makes this story personal.

——

Easy they come, easy they go

I jump from the train, I ride off alone

I never grew up, it’s getting so old

Help me hold onto you

——

If the “you” in this song is a random person who has some benign preexisting opinion (whatever that may be, including a non-opinion) about Taylor Swift, then the “they” refers to arbitrary people who are on the fan/hate train. “They” come and go easily and represent flux in interest in her. I read the metaphor about a train with momentum as the implication that general interest in Taylor waxes and wanes but is inherently self-sustaining because of her celebrity. In this song, “they” aren’t necessarily the enemy like the public was, for example, in reputation. She just doesn’t concern herself with “them” anymore. It’s the “you” who has her full attention and who is sticking around to hear the story.

Finally, we get the first of many “help me hold onto you”s. This one is her articulating why she’s telling this story in the first place. It’s “I want you listen to this story and try to understand.” It’s “help me,” but in a chill way.

——

I’ve been the archer

I’ve been the prey

Who could ever leave me, darling?

But who could stay?

——

The archer is the zodiac symbol for Sagittarius, the centaur, Taylor’s astrological sign. Taylor exists in parts, just like a centaur: she is part her celebrity persona and part her real self, an amalgamation who is a Taylor different than either of the constituent halves. To the “you” it’s Taylor in her purest form. It’s impossible to completely separate her celebrity from her person at this point.

The chorus is about the duality of Taylor’s being, her actions, and others’ investment in any part of her. As the archer (hunter) she has aggressively exercised control over her public persona. As the prey (hunted) she has been a passive victim chewed up and spit out by the public/industry/etc. for things outside of her control. Sometimes it is her own actions that drive people away or attract people to her. Sometimes it is by individual choice that people board or leave the train.

The archer, Sagittarius, is also symbolic of a prophet who can predict fate. The prey is a victim of a terrible fate that, by nature, cannot be changed. I prefer to think of the archer/prey metaphor as commentary about the duality of fate rather than intense combat (for which a bow and arrow would probably be insufficient). This song is Taylor trying to reconcile the certainty of her future with distress about the unknown consequences of present-time decisions.

(Note that this first chorus is where the bass drum beat starts. It represents anxiety about the future. The first part of the song is exposition. The drum only comes in when she starts worrying about the “what ifs.”)

——

Dark side, I search for your dark side

But what if I’m alright, right, right, right here?

And I cut off my nose just to spite my face

Then I hate my reflection for years and years

——

Nobody Joe Schmoe has no obvious reason to hate Taylor for anything that she just said. But Taylor knows what comes next in the story. She’s anxious about Joe Schmoe’s reaction to what she’s about to say.

Taylor admits to doing self-destructive things. Because of the context she provided at the beginning of the song, I believe this is a reference to staying closeted. The “reflection” could be the literal reflection of her now-noseless face. Hating it is pure personal regret for self-destructive actions. The “reflection” could also be the mirror which her fans/the public hold up to her. Her self-destructive choices manifest in others’ toxicity. Hating what they’ve become starts with hating the ways she enables that behavior. (It’s really both “reflections.” The duality of man, yadda, yadda, yadda…)

More important than blaming herself for any (*cough*) past decisions, she articulates the pain of being in the closet in two simple lines. Burying a significant part of yourself by hiding behind a carefully constructed lie is exhausting. It’s sad. It also provides protection and safety and it’s unfortunately all too common. Cruelty wins in the movies, thus people are cruel to themselves.

——

I wake in the night, I pace like a ghost

The room is on fire, invisible smoke

And all of my heroes die all alone

Help me hold onto you

——

I think people consistently underestimate just how morbid “The Archer” is. Taylor reveals that her prophetic future is death—specifically, becoming a ghost, thus leaving an imperceptible trace of herself. She already feels suffocated by that possibility. Her suffering is invisible. She might just be left to die a slow, agonizing death via asphyxiation. Worse yet, what happens afterwards? Asphyxiation from invisible smoke would make it seem like she just dropped dead of her own accord. Or if the smoke somehow became visible….well, if you could see a ghost in the first place, a smoke-filled room would make that impossible. The implications are staggering and they’re all sad.

Few, if any, of Taylor’s heroes have literally died alone. I’m going to go out on a short limb here and say that Taylor probably sees parts of herself in her heroes. Therefore, the “heroes” in a song supposedly about the dilemma of coming out are other famous people who were/still are closeted. Taylor identifies herself as a potential role model for the younger generation like her heroes are for her. Her heroes’ lonely metaphorical deaths are exactly what she fears. Dying alone is being in the closet indefinitely. It’s being misunderstood and not having any way to rectify that situation. Perhaps this song is about the mortifying ordeal of remaining unknown.

As evidenced by the invisible smoke in the room, she thinks her metaphorical death is certain and imminent. The “help me hold onto you” is now “help me,” but in a very unchill way.

——

‘Cause they see right through me

Can you see right through me

I see right through me

——

As a reminder, “they” = random people in the public and “you” = nice, ordinary Joe Schmoe whom she wishes could understand her predicament. Being see-through is being seen without substance. Therefore, what the bridge is not saying is “don’t you see how obvious it is, isn’t it wild that people don’t pick up on me and/or my lover being loud in public?” It is saying “I am literally a ghost to ‘them’ because ‘they’ look at me and don’t see any of this pain, I’m basically dead to myself too because I feel like I’m already doomed, you’re my last hope so please say you see me.” Who cares about reaping the benefits (love, adoration) from the mortifying ordeal of being known? At this point she’s pleading simply to be seen as herself. “I see right through me” is her worst fear. This is why this line breaks out of the bridge and bleeds into the surrounding choruses.

(The bridge, to me, is where it becomes clear that treating the “you” as her lover with whom she could come out does a serious disservice to the rest of the song. Her lover as “you” inverts the meaning of the bridge. This makes the story inconsistent. I appreciate the gravity of the “help me hold onto you” line if it were spoken to a secret lover. However, being seen/understood is more intimately tethered to being out as an individual than being out with another person. In my mind, it makes more sense for this attitude to be an invariant of the song.)

——

All the king’s horses, all the king’s men

Couldn’t put me together again

‘Cause all of my enemies started out friends

Help me hold onto you

——

The Humpty Dumpty rhyme is basically “anthropomorphized egg sits on top of a high wall, anthropomorphized egg falls off the wall and shatters irreparably.” Taylor as Humpty Dumpty makes the wall she’s on top of the pedestal of fame/success. She’s saying that coming out would topple her from her pedestal. Her image as a woman who became famous for writing heterosexual love songs is as fragile as an eggshell. When it breaks, what is left behind?

“All the king’s horses, all the king’s men” might be a reference to her fans whom she once considered as friends but whom can also be incredibly toxic. I read it as a catch-all for anyone who isn’t Taylor. The key of this verse is her musing on why an eggshell can’t be repaired. It’s not for lack of manpower. It’s that all the king’s horses and all the king’s men—everyone, literally—are enemies and don’t want to reconstruct Humpty Dumpty. They simply don’t believe Humpty’s death is so tragic that they would spend effort to change his fate.

Taylor fears that darling Joe Schmoe, a friend to whom she is addressing this story, could become an enemy by conscious choice. She can give Joe Schmoe the truth and plead to be seen, but Joe Schmoe can still choose to see right through her anyways. It’s terribly frightening to be honest yet have that vulnerability go unacknowledged. Taylor coming out is her facing the prospect of instant confirmation that good people do not care. She could die a ghost despite efforts to be visible.

——

Who could stay?

You could stay

Combat, I’m ready for combat

——

Coming out is a choice but being gay is not—it is fate. She has no control over how others react to that. Taylor slowly acknowledges throughout the song that her future isn’t in her hands. She ultimately shifts away from the prophet/victim binary by reiterating that she’s sure of herself and that whatever happens, she’s not going down without a fight.

Lover the album isn’t just about romantic love. This song is not construing an inherently unequal and sometimes toxic relationship with fans/the public as love. “The Archer” romanticizes the possibility of someone reacting to honesty with kindness and understanding. Love is being seen.

#gaylor swift #kaylor #lover #music analysis #my post

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gearstorm40 · 3 years

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Free Tarot Card Reading

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tthael · 4 years

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Hi, english is not my first language so if I don't make any sense you know why. I'm sorry if i gave you the wrong impression with my ask.I've never read the book so "the shape" of these characters for me personally comes from the movie where Richie is gay. I've recently found out that people that read the book consider him bi. That's why when i read a fic where it's not explicitly stated i always wonder. I saw that you have a tumblr so i was like why not ask.

Hi nonny! Thank you for coming back to clarify, I’m sorry for the defensive tone of my response. Thank you very much for reading my stuff. Nothing about the phrasing of your question was what made me respond that way, just the topic, because I know it’s a hot button issue in fandom at the moment. Nobody wants to be responsible for erasing a sexual minority or a canonical sexual identity--and while in the book Richie’s sexuality is only coded, I’ve been told that André Muschietti explicitly stated that the film portrayal of Richie is gay. So of course, I think that film!Richie is portrayed as gay, and if I were to write Richie based on the film alone, I most likely would write him as gay.

The thing is, I don’t really write exclusively film!Richie. I think that there’s a very rich vein of characterization to be found in the book, which is of course door-stoppingly long, and compared to the limited amount of screentime the movies could spend on each of the Losers, not to mention the changes to their backgrounds the films made (looking at you, tween!Ben who suddenly morphs into adult!Mike), I like to pull from the greatest evidence pool available. That’s why I like to include the teenage werewolf, I like to include Stan’s bird book of North America, I like to include Eddie’s fascination with cars and trains and other mechanical transportation, I like to include Bev’s mother as having been alive during Bev’s childhood, I like to include Ben’s outrunning the track team out of spite, I like to include Bill’s uncanny charisma and his compelling nature, and I like to include Mike with a kinder more curious childhood than he’s allowed in the film. Also, I studied literature in college and I’m just more comfortable with analyzing that than I am analyzing film.

I also really liked the film casting for the adult Losers! It’s very shallow of me but I like how they look, I think they’re all very attractive, and I’m more interested in writing with their physicalities in mind than I am in, say, the actors for the 1990s miniseries. This is a personal preference, just because I myself do not enjoy Bill’s ponytail or Richie’s mustache or Bev as a brunette. I’ve also only ever seen clips of the miniseries. And honestly, I like Bill Hader as Richie in glasses, despite book!Richie wanting to wear contacts as an adult; I find without glasses I have difficulty perceiving him as the character. So I can’t claim to be a book purist--I like writing about the 2016 setting and those are mostly the faces of the Losers I see in my head. I tweak them sometimes--I don’t think I’ve written Richie with blue eyes yet, for example.

So I blend the canons when I decide what to draw on for the fic. That means that, for me, unless it’s explicitly stated, I probably don’t have an intention one way or the other when I write Richie’s sexuality. So far I’ve always written him as a man who loves men, and always as involved and in love with Eddie. I know that for some people that won’t be good enough, that for some people it’s very important to them to see their characters explicitly identify as one label or the other, but I’m afraid that just isn’t a priority for me in my portrayals.

This is informed by 2 things: 1) I like to write the Losers as 40-year-old adults in 2016, and we know that Richie produces a host of problematic content in his career. This of course shouldn’t mean that my portrayal of Richie /should/ be problematic and that’s not my intention--instead, I’m suggesting that when I write Richie, I write a lot about self-loathing and internalized homophobia, and so I focus a lot more on his attraction to men, which in my fic he’s usually not comfortable with, than any potential/past attraction to women. Of course I don’t feel that self-loathing is the necessary response to same-sex attraction, but I also think of the Losers as adults of a certain age who might not always be accurate or thoughtful in discussing the changing world of sexual identities (finding words for them specifically, filling the lexical gap).

I wrote a scene in Things That Happen After Eddie Lives where Richie runs across a gender non-conforming person and initially reads them as female, but then during the conversation remembers that isn’t always the case these days and switch to trying to avoid pronouns for them or trying to refer to them with gender neutral pronouns. But Richie and Eddie still call Jordan and Sarah lesbians, without asking whether they’re a romantic pairing of two bisexual people, or without considering that Jordan might be a man. Richie even wonders if “girlfriend” is being used romantically or platonically the way that women of previous generations do. I have a bead on Jordan’s and Sarah’s identity--but only because Jordan’s me! I think that, as a man born in 1976, growing up extremely closeted, and never engaging in the wider discussion around LGBTQ culture in a constructive way, Richie might be prone to simplification. This, of course, doesn’t mean I’m opposed to a Richie who openly identifies as strictly gay or strictly bi!

2) The second thing that informs the ambiguity of my portrayal of Richie’s sexuality is my own experience with my sexuality and gender. I am closeted in real life. In recent years I have tried a number of identities that, at the time, I believed to fit, but the labels were never clear-cut for me. I am coming to accept, slowly, that in the same way the physical body doesn’t grow to exact neat clean specifications, I might never be able to describe myself accurately and totally in one term. That’s all that I’m willing to share about my experience at this time. My personal philosophy is much like the one Eddie professes when he comes out in Indelicate: it doesn’t seem important to me that people know my preferences unless I’m a) sleeping with them or b) actively dating and trying to put myself out there.

Again, some people have completely different experiences! For some people being closeted is intolerable and having an identity--a word for what they are--really helps them self-actualize and live their truth! For some people, they’re very excited about their identity and participate in Pride events and take joy in asserting that this is who they are to the world! For some people, they never have the awareness that this or that idle feeling might mean they actually /don’t/ fit with how the world sees them. And while I’m a great advocate of self-exploration (comes of being vain as I am), some people don’t do that, and that’s fine!

I know that ambiguity is not a neutral answer when it comes to these questions. In the summer of 2019 when the Good Omens miniseries was released, many fans reached out to author Neil Gaiman asking for confirmation that the angel Aziraphale and the demon Crowley were gay. Gaiman said, “Theirs is a love story.” He said, “They’re not human and I can’t ascribe human sexual identity to them.” He said, “My coauthor is deceased and I can’t make such confirmations without him.” (These are not direct quotes and I don’t have sources, I’m sorry, it’s been a year.) This was not satisfactory to all parties. For some people explicit confirmation of that gender identity is important. And why shouldn’t it be? Their own is important to them.

But I’m from a school of literary analysis where I welcome different interpretations of my works, which are in this case of course derivative and dependent on evidence from the canons I draw on. I write Richie in love with Eddie, and that’s enough for me. If it’s not for the reader, either I feel there’s ample room to interpret my Richie the way they prefer--not just limited to gay or bi! After the first sex scene in TTHAEL Richie is stunned by how he enjoyed that far more than any other sexual encounter he’s ever had, and I think that’s welcome to interpretations of Richie with demisexuality /or/ Richie just finally having fulfilling sex with a man because he’s gay or bi /OR/ Richie has had good sex before but this was just WAY better because he likes sex better when he’s in love with his partner. And every portrayal of Richie I write is slightly different, so Richie from Indelicate might have different sexual attraction/orientation than Richie from Automatic - Mechanical - Pneumatic or Richie from TTHAEL. BUT I don’t want to say that my interpretation is the only valid one--just know that when I write Richie, I write him as a man in love with another man. If I were to write a story about Richie involved with someone other than Eddie, I would tag for it up front.

Again, I know this is a very long answer and probably not as concise or clear as you might like it to be. Thank you so much for coming back around to explain your logic, I apologize for my wariness the first time around, thank you for asking these questions in good faith. “Why not ask” is of course the simplest way to settle an issue and I don’t want to discourage anyone from asking me questions about my fic. If there are other things you have questions about, please don’t hesitate to ask, either here or by sending me a private message, I don’t mind either way.

#my fic #things that happen after eddie lives #tthael #now what i'm gonna say may sound indelicate #indelicate #nwigsmsi #automatic - mechanical - pneumatic #a-m-p #Anonymous

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