#like the author so far did everything right leaving clues and shit for the audience to pick up and whatevrr

[globodamorte]

gotta remember that post that says "something being well written still doesn't mean it's good" whenever I'm going crazy over why I don't like something

[tanakavox]

here guys. This reaction was done @bssaz97 again. And that's it for the author's note.

"I miss baby Zwei!" Weiss sulked.

"We know Weiss, you've been saying that for the past ten minutes," Blake's vein appeared on her head.

"Why can't we see more of him! He was so cute and innocent!" Weiss crosses her arms and huffs..

"He spent the entire time antagonizing me!" Jaune replied.

"He can never do wrong." Weiss cemented in her mind.

"Forget it VB, she's a lost cause." Yang told her fellow blonde.

"Well let's see what this next viewing has in store for us all." Ren calmly stated.

The screen shows Jaune on Planet Namek facepalming.

"Urgh, what was that idiot DOING bringing me here!" He mutters before turning to look around his eyes widening. "It's... Wait a minute, I can feel it... This is my home! I can finally see its beauty! The lush blue fields, the crystal clear waters, the wind brushing past my... GOD, THIS IS BORING!" He yelled out before groaning. "No wonder I feel at home."

"We're back to Namek!" Ruby shouted in excitement.

"And there's alien Jaune-Jaune!" Nora jumped in.

"Wait isn't this the world where Cinder is supposed to be really powerful?" Jaune asked.

"...oh crud/shit." Many of the original audience replied. Those who were new to the theater didn't exactly understand what they meant but supposed they would eventually see why.

The scene cuts to Cinder confronting Mercury, Oscar, Neptune, and Trifa

"Oh hell yeah! Emerald wake up, we're back in the world where I'm a badass prince!" Mercury says as he shakes her shoulder.

Emerald loudly snores.

"Hey! You said to wake you when 'the snooze fest' was over."

"Not… interested." Emerald conveniently snored.

"Emerald, you will watch this viewing." Cinder orders.

"Yes Cinder!" Emerald miraculously much more awake.

"Wooow." Mercury drawls, shaking his head in genuine disappointment.

"Shut it!" Emerald hissed.

Cinder smiles coldly at them. "Well, Mercury. You've finally pulled it off. You've managed to dash my hopes entirely. With some help, I see." she turns to look at the rest of the group.

"Quack!"

"Neptune, seriously, not helping!" Oscar said ebowing him.

"I can try."

"I'm very curious. Where exactly are you from?" Cinder asks calmly.

"Don't you snitch!" Nora shouted at the screen.

"We're from rem-" Neptune started before Oscar stopped him.

"Neptune, no!"

"Oh right... Thanks for stopping me, Oscar. 'Cause I can't shut-."

"They're from Remnant." Trifa deadpanned.

"Traitor!" Ruby glared at the girl on the screen. Her anger was shared by many in the audience. Whether good or bad.

Blake was feeling the same amount of betrayal twice after remembering how Trifa was one of Ada-his agents sent to kidnap her in the past.

" Little bow girl, why?!" Neptune shouted out in disbelief.

"Because my name is Trifa."

Nora huffed, "Well maybe your name should little bi-!"

"Nora please." Ren asked his oldest friend and companion to let it go.

"'Sigh.' Fine, but I'm still mad." Nora said.

"Oh good. I'll stop by there on the way home. Pick up some space eggs, some space milk, and BLOW IT THE F**K UP!" Cinder screamed at them before calming here. "Oh, I'm sorry. I'm usually far more composed. I'm just a little bit ABSOLUTELY LIVID." She said with barely contained rage.

"Oh, Cinder. Quit being such a bitch. I lost my chance at immortality too and you don't see me crying about it." Mercury said mocking with a smirk.

"Yep. Sucks to suck!" Yang stayed for both Cinder's in the audience and on screen.

"Care to say that to my face." Cinder stood up.

"Whoa now One Eye Cinder. We can't fight here, remember, so I can say whatever I like and there's nothing you can do to stop me." Yang explains with a toothy grin.

Cinder growls, but reluctantly sat back down as she began to curse this theater's damned rules.

"Yes, Mercury. But you see, the difference between us is I'll live long enough to regret it." Cinder charges at Mercury and engages him in battle with a battle cry.

Scene cuts to Jaune flying through the sky

"Hey we were getting to the good part!" Mercury shouted.

"And what part would that exactly be Mercury?" Cinder asked directly.

"The fight scene, what else." He said nonchalantly.

Cinder stared at him for a moment before looking back at the screen. Mercury was one of the few people that she could tolerate back talking to her so she paid it no mind.

"Everything looks the goddamn same on this goddamn planet!" He thinks and sighs before he sees something on the ground. "Wait a minute, a body! SOCIAL ACTIVITY!" Jaune yells as he yells flying down and landing next to a body, which was Hazel. "Please tell me you're not dead!"

Hazel begins to speaks in Namekian/Klingon

"What the hell is he saying?" Coco asked.

"It appears he is attempting to communicate with Mr. Arc's alternate in their native tongue." Ozpin rationalized.

"Do you know what he's saying Jaune?" Velvet asked.

"Velvet, I think Ozpin means-."

Velvet giggles before she starts laughing. Her team along with his shortly after.

Jaune was staring at them confusedly before his eyes widened in realization. He chuckled while rolling his eyes, "Oh haha, very funny Velvet."

Ruby just stared at the exchange expressionless, the joke was funny but for some reason she didn't want to laugh. Weird.

"Ah, crap. I find the only living thing for miles- and he's so broken he can't even talk right."

" I was speaking Namekian, you idiot. Don't you know anything about your own people?" Hazel gasps out, barely holding on to life.

"Well, we're demons, right?" Jaune asks hopefully.

"Eh, more like slug people."

"Ah, dammit! I liked it better when I was a demon."

"And I liked it better when I had proper bladder control. Nobody's perfect."

"Yeah, I've been meaning to ask about that. What happened?"

"Let's just say our world elder's kind of a giant green asshole."

Jaune and many of the other male audience members bowed their heads in silence for loss bestowed on the Namekian people.

"Yeesh! Port's a bit of a dick in this one… or lack thereof," Yang quipped.

"YANG!"

"Too soon?" Yang winced.

"Preachin' to the choir on that one." Jaune agreed, an image of Ozpin showing in his head. "Well, it's been fun, but I have to go DIE again…" He turns to leave.

Jaune mentally groaned as he remembered that in this world his life was the one entwined with Ozpin. Also he no more thrilled about the prospect of seeing his alternate die (again?) in a way that could've been easily avoided.

"Dang Arc, you're a bit sassy in this world, huh?" Coco asked.

"And green with antennas." Velvet whispered to Fox.

"Ahhh," Fox nodded, getting a clue of what the counterpart looked like.

"Wait. I might be able to help you." gasped out Hazel.

"Look, buddy. If you want to add me on MySpace, I switched to Spacebook a while ago." Jaune turns to left again.

"What's MySpace?" Oscar asked.

"Beats me, but it sounds mega old." Yang commented.

Ozpin, Glynda, Qrow and even Winter winced at Yang's unintentional jab at them. All of them who used to own MySpace accounts.

Salem just looked confused at the mention of these names. 'What's a MySpace and Spacebook? Is it a form of communication?' She thought to herself.

"No, no, no, no. Listen. I think I know something that might work out for both of us. I don't wanna die and you seem pretty lonely."

"DESPERA-, I mean, go on."Jaune said, getting yells before switching back to a normal tone.

"There's a special ability our people share. Forbidden, even amongst our most sacred clans."

"And we're just going to abuse it?" Jaune asked

"Oh, maliciously!" Hazel said with a grin.

"Bitchin'! How we do?"

"Well that didn't take much convincing at all." Emerald said, impressed by how quickly it took the dying Hazel to convince Arc to comment on what was probably the Namekians form of the Black Arts.

"Hey Jaune-Jaune needs all the power he can get if he wants to kick Cinder's butt!" Nora shot back. "Yeah!" Ruby echoed Nora's sentiment.

"Well, first you put your hand upon me."

" 'Kay" He places his hand on Hazel's elbow)

"Yes. Like that. Now lower."

"Uh-huh."

"Lower."

"Hmm…"

"Little lower."

"Hmm..".

"Ah! If we had junk, you'd be gay right now." Jaune groans as Hazel smirks at him. "Fusing!"

"Gods Dammit!" Jaune facepalmed. He couldn't believe how his alternate would fall for such an obvious trick…. though to be honest he probably would have fallen for it all the same.

Jaune fuses with Hazel, a bright light blinding the viewers. After it's disappears, Jaune only is there and he looks at his hands in wonder.

"Wow. Unreal. My gosh. This is amazing! I feel INCREDIBLE!" He then begins to chant Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! I can win! I feel great! I-can-do-this! HAAA…"

Hazel's voice from inside is heard inside Jaune's head. "What are you doing?" He asked.

"Nothing." Jaune replies after stammering a bit.

"Really? 'Cause it looked like you were chanting to yourself."

"Are you in my head?" Jaune ask changing the subject.

"Yup. Don't worry; supposedly I should fade away into your subconscious. Sooner or later."

"Is this what it was like for you?" Jaune asked Oscar.

"Pretty much." Oscar deadpanned

"...Wow, that's really weird." Jaune slumped in his chair.

"Yep. Well, you kinda get used to it after a while." Oscar replied.

"Does it?" Jaune asked him seriously.

"...No." Oscar slumped into his chair as well.

'If I could have carried this burden in my original body for all these millennia and spared you, I would have… no one deserves this burden.' Ozpin told himself in his mind. He determined it would fix nothing if he told them that, there was no changing the past.

"Okay. So, what now?"

"By my estimate, this fusion should have given you just enough power to wipe out the bitch who killed our people."

"And?"

"Well, let me put this in terms you'll understand: You can win! You feel great! You-can-do-this!" Hazel said, repeating Jaune's chant.

"Oh, ha-ha!"

"Yeah go Jaune/Fearless Leader!" Ruby and Nora both cheered.

Jaune's face turned beet red, but he did appreciate their show of support.

The scene cuts to Mercury and Cinder in a brawler lock

"Impudent... little…" Cinder hissed. Her scouter shows "F**K THIS I'M OUT" before exploding on her face, Cinder grunting in pain.

"Damn, Mercury must actually be pretty strong to make that device off itself," Yang stated.

"Why do you sound so surprised blondie? Still sore about our match up?" Mercury quipped.

"You are so lucky I can't mop the floor with your face." Yang shot back, her eyes flashing crimson.

Mercury and Cinder both back off, producing a small crater due to their power.

"I'm impressed, Mercury. When did you graduate from pull-ups?" Cinder said mocking.

"About the same time you got off the rag." Mercury fired back.

Cinder smirks a bit. "Cute. But bear no false hopes, Mercury. You're a mere paper tiger in front of a storm. You have no idea what true power I possess."

"It's that you can transform, right?"

"I can transform…" Cinder's face's falls. "Okay, when and how?"

"Guldo told me."

A flashback of a conversation between Mercury and Guldo appears

"So... Did you know that Cinder can transform?" Guldo said.

"Huh. That right?" Mercury said disinterested.

"Yeah. And Burter's gay."

"Really!?" Mercury asked, genuinely surprised

(back to present)

"And then I threw a dog treat at him. True story."

"That's so rude!" said the collective voices of Ruby, Weiss, Velvet, and Fiona.

"Oh cry me a river, I lost my conscience long ago." Mercury replied back.

"Right. But if you are so aware, why do you persist in goading me?" Cinder question raising an eyebrow.

Mercury grinned viciously."Because Cinder. You're not dealing with the average Saiyan warrior anymore. I am a Super Saiyan!"

….

"A what?" Oscar asked.

Cinder rolls her eyes at this apparently hearing this before. "Oh, here we go!"

"That's right, Cinder. I've arisen beyond the limits of a normal Saiyan, and into the realm of legend- the legend that you fear. The legend known throughout the entire universe as the most powerful warrior to ever exist!" Cinder starts speaking faintly at this point alongside him. "I, Prince Mercury, have become a..". Cinder cuts him off

"...Super Saiyan. Blah, blah, blah, blah, I get it. Then you slayed the Jabberwocky and went on to save Narnia." She clearly wasn't taking him seriously.

"Wow! This Super Saiyan sounds awesome!" Yang concluded. Her sister as well as Jaune, Nora, Oscar and Ren. What? He could like things.

"Thanks for the praise Blondie." Mercury said.

"Yeah something tells me your alternate is way too overestimating himself." Emerald stated.

"You're just jealous you're not a Super Saiyan." Mercury shot back, unfazed by her earlier remark. Causing Emerald to roll her eyes.

While the name seemed silly to the more mature members of the audience, they too were intrigued by the tale of this being.

"Go ahead and mock me, Cinder, but I'm not afraid of you. So why don't you doll yourself up and get ready for a night on the town, because I'm about to take you to a ballroom blitz."

"Fine. I'll indulge you, Mr. Super Saiyan. But before I do I have a funny little story I'd like to tell you."

"Funny how?"

"I like to call it, "I killed your dad"."

"...Was that supposed to shock me?" Mercury questioned.

Mercury stares at Cinder blankly. "So "ha-ha" funny."

"You see, thanks to a rogue lower-class warrior, your father caught wind of my plans…"

(flashback to planet Mercury)

A saiyan runs up to What seemed to be Marcus Black

"King Mercury, I have urgent news!"

"Speak, Butarega." King Marcus/Mercury said in a booming tone.

'Wait why does the old bastard have my name? Eh, guess it doesn't matter. Wait, does that make me a junior?!' Mercury thought.

"Well well, looks like I should call you Junior now. Huh?" Emerald comments, her smirk showing she greatly appreciated this new knowledge.

"I'm not a junior!" Mercury yelled.

"What's that? Couldn't hear you Junior!" Yang joins in on the teasing.

"I'm gonna get back at you both. Just you wait." Mercury growled. Hating how the tables have turned on him.

"Bardock has gone absolutely mad, sire!"

Off-screen someone screamed out: "Cinderrrr!"

"What's all the commotion about?" King Marcus/Mercury asked.

"He's been telling everyone that Cinder plans to destroy Mercury!"

"Wait, my son, the planet, or me?"

BUTAREGA looks at the king for a few moments before answering " ...Yes."

King Marcus/Mercury blasts Butarega away.

"Oh my gods!" Ruby cried out.

She and many others in the audience were shocked that the Saiyan King just killed his subordinate so callously. However, both Salem and Cinder were impressed at the King's show of force.

"Freakin' smartass." King Marcus/Mercury mutters and goes look a the Counselor. "Counselor Obleck, what do you think?"

"Let me tell you what you need to do. You need to sit him down…" Oobleck began.

"Uh-huh." King Marcus/Mercury said nodding his head.

"...you look her dead in the eye…"

"Yes."

" ...and you say, "Don't blow up my planet.""

"What? He can't be serious." Winter remarked.

"It appears that this version of Bart is not as wise or tactful as he is in our world." Ozpin rationalized.

Teams RWBY and JNR pressed 'X' to doubt.

"And you think that will work?" King Marcus/Mercury asked.

"she'd have to be aaaaaaawfully evil if it didn't. And I'm not gonna lie, I like the cut of her jib." Oobleck said with a grin.

"All right, but I want you to take my son, the Prince, off-planet just in case things go south."

"Don't worry, sir. You'll do juuuuuust fine."

"Wait. Hold on a damn minute, the old bastard actually cares about someone other than himself? Yeah like that's legit." Mercury crosses his arms.

Some in the audience looked at the silver haired assassin and just for a moment, they felt sympathy for him.

shifts to King Mercury approaching Cinder,.

"Cinder, can I sit down and have a word with-" King Marcus/Mercury said before Cinder interpreted him.

"SHORYUKEN!" Cinder yelled out, uppercutting King Marcus/Mercury in the jaw, causing the latter to fall back while producing with an echoing scream.

"K.O.! YOU WIN!" A voice yelled out.

"Yatta." Cinder whisper out looking at the king's dead body with grin

"Seems negotiations didn't go as he was expecting." Cinder floated to herself. What she didn't notice was that Mercury had stared at her after that statement was said.

He wasn't sure why but hearing her gloat about killing his dad made him feel… odd. It's probably the popcorn he was eating. Nothing more.

(back to present)

"And then I blew the planet up. The end."

Mercury stares at Cinder confused. "How did you know about the parts you weren't there for?"

Cinder gives a blank stare at Mercury and then proceeds to transform.

"Wow, nice comeback Cinder. Really showed him." Jaune said.

Cinder chose to ignore the blonde fool, she didn't dare waste the energy to acknowledge him.

"Nep, do you feel that?" Oscar asked with a fearful look as Cinder's power grew as her body.

"I taste that!" Neptune screamed a look as fear on his face as well.

Cinder finishes transforming into his second form, a Bigger bulkier form.

"Whoa! She's huge! Like that Hazel guy from Haven!" Nora shouted.

"She sure is..." Emerald didn't know how to feel about this new form of Cinder's. It looked too bulky and tall.

"She kinda looks like a bull with those horns." Ruby noted.

"All done." Cinder smiles a bit looking at all of them satisfied. "And judging by the expression on your face, so are you."

"What...? How?" The usual cockiness in his voice was gone.

"Let's be practical and put a number to that feeling, shall we? Last time I clocked this form it was at... one million." Cinder's smile only grows widener.

The audience didn't know what she meant by that but they determined that it must've meant that she was terrifyingly strong.

Cinder loved it, if only she could feel what that power was like. She might even get drunk from it.

"You're lying!"

"Am I? Am I really?" Cinder sarcastically said, raises her hand and explodes the island that everyone is currently standing on, making an explosion so big that it can be seen from the planet. Cinder is shown standing on what's left of the island.

"Whoa!" Fiona and CVY cried out. This being their first time seeing a destructive force of this magnitude. Whitley also sweat dropped, while he had been pleased with how powerful he was in one of the previous worlds. This was an entirely different kind of power than he thought was ever possible.

"Not impressed!" Mercury yelled off screen. "I can do that, too!"

"Neptune, are you okay?" Oscar asks flying above the destroyed island.

"Yeah, and I've got a Little bow girl right here!" Neptune replied with a grin holding Trifa closely.

Cinder begans sings to. " Peaceful young races with fires on their houses

Millions of voices all silenced like mouses

Watching the cowards bow toward their new king

These are a few of my favorite things "

"Oh great she's singing now, as if this Cinder wasn't terrifying enough." Oscar said while clinging to his seat in fear.

"Is it just me, or is she singing to herself?" Neptune asks but is cut off by Cinder charging at him and impaling him with one of her horns, causing Neptune to drop Trifa.

(Neptune Owned Count: 15)

Neptune screams in pain.

"Oh no!" Ruby cried out. But immediately was off put by the showed counter on the screen.

Some in the audience giggled at the sight of the counter, even if they knew it was wrong.

"Neptune!" Oscar screamed out.

"Well, he's dead." Mercury deadpanned in his head.

"This is... the worst... pai-i-i-in!" Neptune said through gritted his teeth.

"Really? Sure it isn't this?" She looks up and starts shifting her head up and down." Or this? Or this? Or this? Or this? (Neptune Owned Count: 16-21, with two 1Ups coming up in the last two ones)

"Neptune, stop! You're making him stronger!" Oscar pleaded.

"I-can't-help-it!" Neptune screamed.

(Neptune Owned Count: 22-25)

At this point most of the audience were laughing. It was a horribly dark joke, but the presentation was spot on and too hilarious. The huntsmen and huntresses that knew the blue haired boy felt very guilty, but they couldn't stop laughing.

"One down!" Cinder throws Neptune off her horn and towards the lake. "Ah, I think impalement is my favorite way to kill a person."

Oscar begans to shake with rage. "You condescending... sadistic... callous... MOTHERF**KER!"

"Pardon?" Cinder ask with a raised eyebrow but then Oscar attacks Cinder by kicking and punching her in the face before knocking her upward with an uppercut and finally kicks her towards the ground. Oscar then starts charging up an energy blast.

"WHOO! Go Cute Boy Oscar! Woo-woo-woo!" Nora cheered on her newest teammate. His other friends joined in cheering for Oscar's alternate.

Oscar was deeply embarrassed but also very ecstatic that he was able to keep up with the frightening tyrant.

"Oscar SMASH EFFEMINATE ALIEN! Oscar STRONGEST THERE IS!" Oscar thought to himself.

Oscar launches a ki blast directly at Cinder, causing a massive explosion. Oscar is then seen in midair catching his breath. Cinder is seen lying face down on the ground, covered in sand from Oscar's assault.

"Ten points for team ALPN!" Nora cheered.

"Yeah, how's that feel, Cinder?" Mercury yelled out. "Now if you can, why don't you pick your sorry ass up and take on a REAL Saiyan…" Mercury's voice trails off as Cinder is seen getting up with a annoyed look.

"Huh. That happened." She muttered before turning to Mercury. "Mercury, mind sitting right there for just a moment, I need to go play babysitter."

"Oh crap, abort Oscar! Abort!" Jaune called out.

"Think! What would Dad do in this situation?" Oscar began to think to himself in a panic.

A flashback of Sun wearing a backpack showed up.

"Bye, son!" Sun said in the flashback in a big dopey smile.

"Damn it Sun." Blake facepalmed.

"Wow, my other self has some issues." Oscar realizes.

(back to present)

"I'm beginning to think I have issues…" Oscar thought to himself when he got punched by Cinder and hit the ground. He tries to get up, but gets crushed by Cinder's foot.

Cinder turns to grin at the Silver haired man. "So, Mercury. Does this get you angry?"

"It's getting ME angry!" Nora shouts at the screen. Her team, RWBY, Qrow, Ozpin and Winter show the same hostility towards the Cinder in the screen.

Mercury shrugs. "Not really. Kind of a smartass."

Cinder frowns "Well then, why am I even bothering?"

"Because you get off on it?" Mercury said hetaintly.

Cinder grins viciously. "Oh, unbelievably... Huh?" Cinder moves to dodges a disc but her tail gets cut off. She turns to glare at culprit.

"Alright, who has the balls?!" She screams out.

Camera zooms on to Neptune, who is the one responsible for cutting off Cinder's tail. Neptune then turns around and starts repeatedly spanking his butt.

"Kiss my ass, bitch! I'm immortal!"

Cinder growls angrily and flies after Neptune.

"Whoa! Neptune's back up already? I thought he was out for the count!" Yang confused. Happy that he lived but still confused as to how he was back in good shape.

Neptune imitates Curly's whooping sounds while flying away and screams: "Suuuck myy diiii…"

The shifts to Mercury thinking to himself. "How the hell did he get up? Oh, my God, I swear if he used that wish of immortality on himself, I am going to murd... " He stops himself and opens his mouth in shock. And speaks out loud after a short pause. "That... bastard."

"Hahaha-ha-ha! You can't kill an immortal!" Emerald laughed.

"Why are you laughing? Weren't you cheering for Cinder?" Mercury implies.

"I am but I'm also cheering against you." Emerald explains.

"You're despicable, you know that right?" Mercury deadpanned.

The scene shifts to Trifa healing Oscar "Come on... You can't leave me alone here; you're the only one I can talk to!" She mutters to herself.

Oscar eyes open, regaining consciousness."I... you... healed me."

"You are the only one I respect."

"Then why did you heal Neptune?"

"The better question is: why did I tell him he was immortal?"

"Ok where is this girl in real life, I'm starting to like her style." Emerald comments.

"I'm starting to not like this Bow Girl." Weiss concludes.

"Yeah that was kinda mean." Ruby adds.

"But it did give him a helluva confidence boost." Yang points out.

The audience reluctantly agrees with Yang.

Neptune flies back to the battlefield with a huge grin. "Holy crap! Thank God I'm immortal!"

"Actually, I healed you, you idiot!" Trifa said off-screen.

"Wait, so I could have died back there?" Neptune realized with his eyes widing.

"After all that you're just going to tear him down like that!" Weiss shouted.

"Yeah, and unlike the runt and I, you don't get a power boost from it." Mercury replied.

"Hax! I call hax!" Neptune whined.

The audience agreed with Screen Neptune.

"How did you escape?" Oscar asked.

"Oh, it was awesome!" See, She was gaining on me there for a minute, but then I managed to lose her in some crevices, but she kept cutting me off at every pass."

"She didn't just blow it up?" Mercury pointed out?"

"Thought the same thing, but no! So I thought fast and I used the Solar Flare on her!"

"And then you used your Kienzan to cut her in half?" Oscar asked gleefully

"Um…"

Cinder flies back to the battlefield, angrily and screams at them. "I WILL MOUNT YOUR HEAD WHERE MY TAIL USED TO BE!"

"To answer your question, Oscar. No, I did not do that." Neptune muttered.

"Damn seriously? He could have finished her off so easily, it was literally in his grasp." Coco shakes her head.

"Douse this bitch!" Mercury yelled.

Mercury, Oscar, and Neptune fire a barrage of energy blasts at Cinder, covering her in smoke.

"Did we get her?" Neptune asked

"Neptune, we can feel her energy. Why do you bother asking?" Oscar asked back annoyed.

"I'm an optimist."

"You're an idiot." Mercury said, glaring at him.

"You're both wrong. You're dead." Cinder said as the smoke cleared and is shown to be unfazed by the blasts.

"You know what? I'm sick of this." Oscar said, his face hardening. "If I'm gonna die, then I'm gonna go out the same way Jaune would!" He moves in to attack Cinder head-on.

"Oscar, no!" Neptune goes to fly after Oscar.

"No! What are you doing?! Don't go out like my other self!" Jaune shouted clutching his head.

RWBY, ALPN, and Ozpin were clouded in worry.

" No, goddamn it!" Mercury also flies after Oscar when a new figure surrounded by light appears in front of the trio. The light clears, and the figure is revealed to be Jaune.

"M... Mr. Jaune!" Oscar cried out.

"Yes! Fearless Leader is here for the rescue!" Nora cheered.

The Jaune in the audience let out a sigh of relief.

"Well, well, well! I'm legitimately surprised I missed one of you." Cinder smiles a bit. "But that's just fine because I've been working on some jokes. Now tell me if you've heard this one: How many Namekians does it take to-" She gets sent flying by a punch from Jaune.

"Just one." Jaune said stoically.

"GO JAUNE GO!" Ruby screamed.

Most of the audience looked towards her from her outburst, including Jaune who was staring wide eyed at her.

"Er, you know. Smash Tyrant Cinder's no good face." She attempts to save face, throwing out air punches to diffuse the situation.

"...Yeah!" Nora shouted.

[goliath-de-senfina-sango]

Homo Ecto Sapiens

Chapter 2 Fandom: Danny Phantom Rating: General Audiences Relationships: Jack Fenton/Maddie Fenton, Danny Fenton & Jack Fenton & Maddie Fenton, Danny Fenton & Jazz Fenton, Danny Fenton & Tucker Foley & Sam Manson Characters: Danny Fenton, Jack Fenton, Maddie Fenton, Jazz Fenton, Sam Manson, Tucker Foley, Mr. Lancer (Danny Phantom), Dash Baxter, Lunch Lady (Danny Phantom), Dorathea "Dora" (Danny Phantom), Paulina Sanchez, Valerie Gray, Princess Dorothea, Princess Dora, Skulker (Danny Phantom) Additional Tags: Fix-It, Danny Fenton has ADHD, Multilingual Tucker, Trans Male Character, Multilingual Danny, Bisexual Danny Fenton, Bisexual Tucker Foley Summary:

Danny Fenton stood inside the dark tunnel of the only portal his parents couldn't get to work because he couldn't say no to a dare. He tripped on his way out. Now he has to deal with figuring out how to come out to his parents as being half ghost, while dealing with all the ghosts that come out of the portal.

Tucker and Sam stare at each other.  For a handful of moments, neither is entirely sure what they should do.  Sam is full of shock and anger and regret and terror.  She could've died.  Her best friends could have died.  How is a teenager even meant to process that?  She wants to curl up on the ground and hide from everything in that moment, will all the nasty reality that is Ghosts away.  But Tucker is bent over Danny, and Danny is out cold.  So she packs away the emotions, cools her shit, and bends down.  "You get his legs, I'll take his shoulders.  FentonWorks?"

They get him there.  Danny's parents are downstairs, working on something.  They get Danny on his bed, and Sam slumps against the door.  Tucker and Danny skipped over a detention essentially and all three have skipped school.  So Tucker goes down to erase the Fenton's voice mailbox and sends out a bug to his own.  Sam has no clue why he has that ready but asks if he can do it with her folks' line.  He asks for a few minutes. The silence passes, Tucker gets on Danny's laptop.  He always fled to the tech when he needed somewhere safe.  Eventually, he asks.  "You ok?  Today went to shit."

"No, I don't think I am.  Like, the worst I've got is some bruising that my make up can handle.  I need a shower, I guess."  They both know why she isn't actually ok.  Neither wants to bring it up.  So instead, Sam checks Danny's closet and finds something she'd left there a couple months back.  "I'm gonna do that actually.  Keep an eye on him?" Tucker grunted in acknowledgment.  That was the best she'd get so Sam grabbed a spare towel from the dresser and headed to the shower.

When Sam got back she looked over Tucker's shoulder.  Images of old ladies in familiar looking uniforms were all over the screen.  "Looking her up?"

"If we know more about her then we can talk it out with her right?"  Tucker's fingers paused over the keyboard.  He stretched, looking over at her.  "Right?"

"Probably.  Looking to work that Foley Charm on her?"  Sam elbowed him lightly in the ribs.  Tucker clutched his chest as though he'd been broken.  Thank gods for that smile on his face.  "Tell me you aren't planning to flirt with her.  Danny might get jealous."  Tucker snorted.

"I don't think Danny is into old ladies who occasionally burst into flames." Tucker went back to typing and clicking, screen light glaring off his lenses.  "So, my theory is that ghosts draw on ambient energy to sustain themselves.  When we went into that fight my phone was on like… 50 percent.  When we got here it was at 17.  So maybe we should carry batteries on us?"

"And our wrist rays."  Sam was never letting herself be helpless like that again.  "what've you got on her so far?"

"She said the menu hasn't changed in 50 years and she wasn't kidding.  So I'm looking back at people employed by Casper back when she was alive, and hoping I can recognize her facial structure."

"Impressive."  Sam sighed and looked over at Danny.

He zipped up his suit.  Sam made a face at him and pulled off the logo of his dad's face.  "You can't go around with this on your chest."  He agreed. If Danny ever met aliens of the extradimensional kind, he didn't want them to see his dad's face plastered on him.  Danny walked into the tunnel that was his parents' ghost portal, looking all around it.  The whispers of those other worlds called out in his head again.  As he walked deeper into the portal, Danny saw nothing wrong.  Not a nut or bolt out of place.  He got to the end. It was dark.  Too dark to see anything.  Turning back, he kept a hand on the wall to steady himself.  His foot hit a raised panel, and Danny leaned to the left for support. There was a click.

Danny opened his eyes and saw Sam looking down at him.  Not unusual.  The soreness in his muscles, however, was.  Danny stopped mid-stretch and winced.  "Oh. Right.  20-foot meat monster."  Tucker was at his desk, turned around in the chair and giving him that frown he had when Dash had slammed Danny into a locker.  "How long was I out for?"

"Four days."  Tucker reached under Danny's bed and lifted up a bag of Nasty Burger.

"Four Days?!"

"Nah, like, 2 hours dude."  Tuck chuckled and handed him a wrapped burger.  "You need this dude, that fight took a shit ton outta you."

“Don’t I know it.”  Danny unwrapped the burger and sank his teeth in.  He'd been hungrier than he thought.  It felt like a blink before the burger was gone.  "Thanks, dude, I really needed that.  We basically skipped lunch, didn't we?"  That thought had a horrible domino effect and Danny tore the burger wrapping in half.  "Fuck, my parents are gonna kill me!"

"I erased the voicemail from your box, mine, and Sam's.  Don't worry about that."

"Speaking of, how ya doin Sam?"  Danny turned, looking his friend over and wincing at the bruises on her arms.  “Fuck, the meat pile did that?”

“Yeah, turns out being grabbed up by a bunch of proceeded corpses can do some damage.”  Sam shrugged.  “It’s nothing I can’t fix with some concealer and sleeves.”

“It’s still warm though,” Danny said.  “You good baking yourself?”

“The heaters in the school barely work, and it’s nearly October, Danny.  Things have cooled down plenty.”  Sam frowned and looked over to Tucker.  “Do head injuries affect the perception of temperature?”

“I’m sure they can.  If only someone hadn’t summoned up a meat-obsessed lunch lady with a menu change.”  Tucker paused and raised a brow.  “Actually, how in the hell did you even get them to change it?  Nevermind the why.”

“The why, Tucker, is that schools need to promote healthier changes in the food we consume.”  Sam had that fire in her eyes.  Again.  Danny let out a long sigh, which went ignored by his bickering friends.

“And removing an entire food group from the menu was your solution?”

“It’s one we don’t even need Tucker!  Do you know how inefficient the transfer of calories from meat into our bodies is?”

“We need protein, Sam!  If there’s anything that the Lunch Lady said truthfully it’s that!  Look at Danny!  He barely gets any protein, you can see how that’s turned out for him.”

“My dude, I’m not the only skinny person here.”

“And whether or not we have meat and protein isn’t your decision to make for us all, Sam!”  Tucker glared balefully at the vegan and stood up from Danny’s chair.  “You had to be an individual and have all your individual needs met over what anyone else wanted, didn’t you?  No one but you even wanted this menu change and I’m going to fix it!”  Tucker stormed out of the room, leaving the door open.

“Oh like Hell you’re gonna undo all my hard work!”  Sam barged out as well, completely forgetting Danny as she slammed his door shut.  And Danny stared at that door for a moment before groaning into his pillow.

“This is going to be a whole thing, isn’t it?”  For several moments, Danny laid there and stared up at the constellations he’d put up on his ceiling in glow in the dark stickers.  His stomach reminded him of its existence, and Danny groaned again.  He still had some allowance left, so he went out and headed to the Nasty Burger.  Considering Tucker’s words and how much he’d done that day, Danny ordered a full meal.

After he’d eaten and walked it off on the way home, Danny let what had happened that day go through his mind.  Even as he fought off a small angry blob with his wrist ray, growling at it.  “Ghosts aren’t mindlessly violent beings. I know that.”  He needed to believe that.  “So, that means that she can be calmed, somehow.  She kept going on and on about the benefits of meat, and she died years ago…”  An email notification popped up on Danny’s computer, and he sighed.  “Right, homework assigned by Lancer.  What would I do without Tuck?”

The next day, Danny pulled on one of his darker shirts - a gift from Sam with some constellation’s accurately displayed - and some jeans.  His parents didn’t come up to join him and Jazz that morning, which was likely for the best.  Danny didn’t need their ghost radar pointing at him before he could figure out how to break their biases.  The second his cereal was finished, though, Danny pulled out his journal and attached pencil.  “No,” Danny snapped when he heard Jazz take a familiar breath.  “It’s not a diary, no you may not read it.  For the 11th time, Spazz.”  One weird benefit of super hearing - I can tell when she’s about to speak.  Everyone had different rhythms for when they spoke and when they were thinking etcetera.  Danny knew his sister’s patterns almost as well as Tucker and Sam’s.

Danny wrote into his journal a goal of recording his encounters with apparently sapient ghosts and how quickly he managed to pacify them.  If only he could think of how to pacify this one.

Once the hybrid got to school - later than he would’ve been had those damned blobs not been so interested in fucking with him - Danny groaned as he was dragged to the Vice Principal’s office.  There he found Tucker, who was glaring down at the desk in just the right angle to look like he was glaring directly ahead.  A trick he’d developed for gathering valuable passwords while tricking Lancer and other authorities into thinking he was just a semi-rebellious teen.  Danny couldn’t tell what Tucker could possibly be trying to gather from the desk now, but he may have just been scowling.  Tucker was complicated that way.

“Take a seat, Mr. Fenton.”  Danny obeyed and took his seat, looking steadfastly at the space just behind Lancer’s head.  “Tell me, gentlemen, how and why did you leave my office when both of you were already being punished for starting a food fight in the cafeteria?”  Before either could come up with an answer, Lancer slammed his hand down hard on the desk, and Danny flinched.  “What could possibly have possessed you two to skip school for the rest of the day?”

Danny squirmed a bit, while Tucker took even, obviously measured breaths.  He then looked up at Lancer directly.  “We were worried about Sam, sir.  She hadn’t answered any of her texts, and she always answers even when we’re fighting to make sure we know she’s safe.”  Not untrue, Sam wouldn’t have been able to answer a text if they tried that.  Danny nodded along to Tucker’s story.

“We left out the window to find her, which took forever since she had gone to find a way to help organize something for the school.”  Danny put on his most apologetic face.  “We’re truly sorry about ditching you, Mr. Lancer, but we had to make sure our friend was safe, you see.  We wanted to make sure none of the jocks or anyone had gone and done something horrible to her as revenge for getting the menu changed for a week.”

Lancer glared between the two of them for several seconds more, and Danny fought to keep himself still.  “Fine,” Lancer finally allowed.  “I will be following up with Ms. Manson to confirm all of this, but you won’t be receiving too harsh a punishment for looking out for your friend.  For endangering yourselves by leaving through the window, however, and for leaving without simply telling me, you will be serving both lunch detention and after-school detention.  Do you understand, boys?”

“Of course, Mr. Lancer.”  It amazed Danny, at times, that he and Tucker could speak in unison.  They were like twins.

“Dismissed.  You two best not be late to my class.”

On the way to class, Danny brought up his thoughts on trying to appease the Lunch Lady.  “Her name is Agatha,” Tuck said.  “Agatha Reece.  And maybe you could, I dunno, teach her about the health crisis in America?  Help me organize the school to reform the menu the right way?”

“You want it changed too now?  I thought you were gonna get it changed back early, or something?”

“Oh no, the food around here sucks either way.”  Tucker rolled his eyes.  “I just wish we had like, a better storage of better food in general.  I could recommend my uncle and aunt’s farm for fresh, nearby food products.”

“If only we knew how Sam had convinced the school to do this whole ‘vegie week’ thing.”  Danny shook his head.  “That’s what really doesn’t make sense to me.  We’ve only been in school for like, a month or so.  How the hell did Sam ‘wear them down’ so quickly?”

“No clue,” Tucker growled.  For a moment the hair on Danny’s nape stood on end at the sound.  “But, I’m going to make a petition, and head around the school getting signatures for a better permanent change decided on by the students.”

Danny patted Tucker’s shoulder and nodded somberly.  “Leave some printer paper for the rest of us at least?”

Tucker raised his nose, Danny now straining to hold in the laughter in front of the door.  “Sorry Danny, but a man on a mission has to go to all lengths to complete his quest.”

Danny bowed at the waist.  “Of course, Friar Tuck, how could I possibly forget?”

“You are forgiven, peasant Daniel.”  Tucker laughed and pulled Danny into the classroom.  Things would be alright.  Danny just needed to weather the storm and make sure both of his friends were still friends by the end of it.

It proved far more difficult a task done than said.  The three had most classes together, but Tucker was busily writing something down every few seconds in a second journal in his desk while he worked.  Tuck had the most fascinating form of ambidextrousness.  He barely paid any attention to Danny’s attempts to start a conversation and crumpled up any notes about Sam he slid over.

Similarly, Sam was ignoring him almost entirely.  She took her notes, but every time she caught him whispering to Tucker, she glared and went cold on Danny himself.  Am I not allowed to talk to both of my friends?

Lunch came around, Lancer had them eating in his room, and Danny had never been more grateful to Tucker’s mom than he had been when Tuck handed him an extra bagged lunch.  “Tuck, you are the best.”

“I know it, dude.”

“Gentlemen!  This is meant to be a time of quiet reflection upon your misdeeds.”  Lancer glared at them until the teens went to silently eating, and Lancer went back to whatever he was doing on his computer.  If Danny focused on the man’s headphones hard enough he could pick up the faint sound of… blasters?  Weird.

At the end of the day, however, while the two were meant to be heading to detention, Tucker was going around and asking groups of friends who were lingering about something and holding up a clipboard that Danny was almost certain he stole from his dad’s office.  Along with that pen.  Never was Danny ever earlier than Tucker to something, but apparently, detention was one of those things.  Sam, surprisingly, was also there.

“Lancer got you too?”  Danny asked as he swept a bit nearer to the goth

“I was gone all day.”  Sam shrugged, pushing the few remains of grass and mud into a pile and then grabbing a dustpan.  “Plus I wanted to help clean it up anyway.  We need this place to eat in after all.”

“Actually, I heard Jerry and Katelyn at least were eating on the theater stage.”  The two scooped everything up into a trash bag with the dustpan.  “They were inviting some other people to bring sandwiches and chips and stuff.”

“Oh wow,” Tucker called out from where Danny was very sure he shouldn’t have been able to hear them.  “No one wanted to eat garbage right from the ground?  I’m surprised, shocked even.”

“Had you actually been there to see, Tucker, there were plenty of people eating peacefully in the cafeteria today!”  Sam looked downright murderous and stomped off to clean away from Tucker.  Danny sighed a heavy sigh and shook his head.

The detention had gone on for an hour, but it’d felt like forever.  Danny watched both his friends march off in different directions and groaned.  Another friendless night for him.  After a trip to the Nasty Burger, Danny did a little walk around the city.  A few ghosts that he could see when the world lost focus skittered away from him, or ignored him entirely.  Some attacked, but his wrist ray had yet to run out of juice even though he forgot to charge it last night.  “Maybe something to do with my other self.  Gonna have to ask mom and dad about that.”  A shiver ran down Danny’s spine, a puff of mist coming out of his mouth and he looked around, letting his senses shift into that surreal state of his ghostly self.  He saw nothing out of the ordinary.  Relaxing, Danny sighed and headed home.

"Danny!"  His dad, Jack Fenton, only seemed to speak in exclamation marks. Danny wondered if he'd ever had an inside voice.  "C'mon, dinner's ready son!"

Danny raised a brow.  "Who cooked?" He'd eaten his Nasty Burger meal and was pretty sure he got all he needed.

"I did!"  On the other hand, more food that wasn't infected with ectoplasmic residue sounded nice.  Danny set down his bag and headed into the kitchen, where his dad had set out chicken, mashed potatoes, garlic bread, and spinach.  His mom and sister were already sitting and eating, and Danny gave them both a wave.

"Hi, Danny!  Juice is in the fridge.  Jazz reminded your father and I we need to refresh our minds with some air every now and then.  I thought, why not a family dinner?"  Mom shrugged as she picked up a chicken leg.  "Jack insisted on cooking."

"Mom," Jazz said in her best calming voice, "Dad never mutates the food."

While Mom and Jazz debated who had the bigger mishaps with ectoplasm - Danny felt the Christmas turkey and Dad dragging them into a world of blinding perpetual light ranked as the biggest mishaps period - Danny grabbed himself a plate and fruit punch.  Jazz clearly grabbed some groceries before telling their parents to surface.

Halfway through his meal, a thought struck Danny.  "Hey Dad, Mom?  How does ectoplasm interact with electricity in its rawest most natural form?  The ectoplasm not the electricity."

Jazz stared at him in betrayal, Why written in her expression.  His parents, however, jumped on the thought of their son having an interest in their work.  Danny had never seen his dad swallow food that fast.

"Ya see Danno, ectoplasm as it is when we retrieve it is naturally an energy thief.  In relation to electromagnetic radiation, it soaks in any and all of it from the area with the exclusion of green visible light.  That's why it feels so cold."

"If we can refine our engines properly we can utilize the flip side of  that natural state," his mom added, "We could revolutionize energy efficiency in technology around the world!"

"It can store up a lot of power, but once it hits it's maximum?"  Dad held his hands together then spread them out so fast he almost smacked Jazz and Danny.  "It all comes out in an intense burn!  Ectoplasm is either plasma hot or cold as space.  When it's cold, it'd drain the power out of everything around it."

Danny nodded, letting the info process for a couple of moments while he ate.  "So if, say, a ghost was to eat human food…?"

"Well," his mom twirled her fork around.  "It likely wouldn't, but if it did the ghost would soak up all the energy that could be gotten out of the material in the food, leaving nothing but ashes."

Danny nodded, curiosity satisfied, and steered the conversation elsewhere.  Once he was done clearing off his plate, Danny was struck with a realization.  It was the sort of thing that happened all the time, when a thought lingered in his head, waiting to present itself.  Usually, that was artistic inspiration.  Now he knew exactly how to calm down Agatha.  Up the stairs, he ran to his computer.

AO3

[percontaion-points]

Crave chapters 51-53

Click to see the rest of the snark & image descriptions

Chapter 51

Most of the other texts are from Macy—there are seven of them talking about what happened in the study room. She wasn’t there, but the news of what Jaxon did to the wolf alpha has obviously spread. Not that I expected any different; he did it publicly for a reason. Plus Uncle Finn showing up at the tower shows just how far and fast the news traveled. 

Why the fuck is Grace surprised that the headmaster of the school heard about a huge vampire/werewolf beatdown? 

He doesn’t have a clue that I know he’s been trying to kill me instead of help me. 

Allegedly trying to kill her. Based solely off the word of some jealous asshole. 

“Why don’t you read Ophelia in this scene?” 

“Okay,” I answer, wondering why I have to play the damsel in distress. Because I’ve already read the play, I know this is the scene where Ophelia goes mad—or at least, where the audience gets to see her insanity for the first time. I try not to take it personally that she seems to think I’m the right one for the job…

At this point, at least it’s not fucking Pride and Prejuidce. 

It’s harder than I want it to be, especially when I realize my World History of Witchcraft Trials (and yeah, okay, now that I know about the whole paranormal thing, classes like this one make a lot more sense) is next. 

Oh gee. 

“I’ve been worried about you this morning.”

 “Worried about me or worried that the chandelier didn’t do its job well enough?” I query, walking faster in what I already know is a useless attempt to get away from him. He doesn’t stop walking, but everything about him kind of stills when I confront him with what Jaxon told me—which tells me all I need to know. 

And still, he tries to play it off. “What do you mean? Of course I’m worried about you.”

 “Give me a break, Flint. I know what you’ve been up to.”

 For the first time in our entire “friendship,” anger flashes in his eyes. “Don’t you mean you know what that tick told you I was up to?”

I’m not convinced that Jaxon isn’t simply being a jealous asshole about Flint. 

“I’m serious, Grace. You shouldn’t go anywhere alone. It’s not safe.”

Chapter 51 summary: As Grace goes, she checks her messages. She finds one from Macy wanting to know what had happened in the study room earlier. Which I literally forgot happened less than 30 minutes earlier. If only because the timeline in this book is so awful. 

She’s halfway to class when she realizes she’s not in uniform, so she rushes back to her room to change. In English class, the teacher makes her read out Ophelia’s lines from Hamlet. Grace feels an odd connection to the girl because she thought that she was going insane. (It’s also worth noting that Ophelia killed herself. So let’s hope that the author decides to take those similarities, too.) 

After class, Mekhi escorts her to her second period. As she thinks about the tunnels, she thinks about how close she’d come to another near-death experience before Lia had shown up. And shit man, was that literally yesterday? BAD TIMELINE IN THIS BOOK. 

Flint shows up, and Grace calls him out. However, he doesn’t exactly deny that he hasn’t been trying to kill her, but says that it’s “not what you think”. He wants to talk to her, alone, but Grace isn’t that fucking stupid. She refuses, obviously. As she and Mekhi walk away, Flint warns her not to go anywhere alone. 

Chapter 52

“Besides, I thought Jaxon was the whole reason the shifters were after me. Because they wanted payback for everything that went on with Hudson?”

So, let me see if I can follow this logic. 

Hudson was a vampire. 

He wanted to kill everything that wasn’t a born vampire. 

He did have his followers, but Jaxon was kind of vague about who they were. 

But considering that he was intent on killing anybody who wasn’t a natural vampire… why the fuck would werewolves align themselves with him? Even if they did reach a temporary agreement to leave the werewolves alone… do they think that it would last long after Hudson killed everybody else? 

As usual here, the thought was there. But the math isn’t adding up.

 So unless they’re playing a rousing game of Terrorize the Human, I can’t imagine what the shifters could possibly get out of trying to kill me.

I’ve been trying to puzzle that out, too. 

“Because the Jaxon Vega I’ve known my whole life doesn’t almost start a war over a girl he just wants to ‘hang out’ with.”

Chapter 52 summary: As Grace and Mekhi walk through the tunnel, Grace feels much better than she had yesterday. Something that she chalks up to the easy friendship she’s forming with Mekhi, rather than the awkward “I’m going to kill you” vibes she suddenly realized she was getting from Flint. (I’m still on the fence about that, btw.)

As they go, she asks Mekhi if it’s normal not to hear from Jaxon, but he insists that Jaxon isn’t the kind of person who “checks in” on others. She asks him what Hudson was like, but he doesn’t have much to add other than what even Grace already knew about him. 

Lia shows up, and insists that she can take Grace from here, since they’re going to the same place. Mekhi agrees after making sure Grace is alright with it. Once they’re alone, Lia invites Grace over to her room that evening for a “girl’s night”. Grace is kind of hesitant, since she had hoped to spend time with Jaxon, but he’s not answering. The two of them talk about grief for a moment, and Lia eventually says that she’s tired of being sad all of the time, and wants a fresh start with Grace. 

Finally, Jaxon texts back. Grace promises Lia that they’ll do face masks and paint their nails another night. 

Chapter 53

“Well, I like it. And the fact that it doesn’t scream that I want to get naked with him.”

 “Says the girl who got up to all kinds of naughty stuff in his room today,” she says with a smirk.

“I never should have told you that! And it’s not like we got naked. We just made out.”

I would like to remind the readers that they are still in high school. They are literal children. (This message was brought to you by “being an adult” and “seeing everybody under the age of 25 as a literal child”.)

And that’s before he pulls back the curtains that cover his window, and I get my first look at what’s waiting for us.

Chapter 53 summary: The chapter starts off with Grace getting ready for her date with Jaxon. Macy insists that her cousin should wear a racy red dress with little fabric, but Grace insists on something a bit more modest. As usual, it goes on for too long with little actual point. 

She goes to Jaxon’s room, where they make out a bit. He then puts a hoodie on her before he opens up the curtains. 

[scoutshonor56]

HOCUS POCUS!

Pick a card, any card…

 Snape, visibly losing patience: “All right…”

Little Donny Dumblefuck: “Five of clubs!”

Snape: “Holy Hufflepuff, are you kidding me!? Are you fucking kidding me!?  Even Weasley can manage this one for Slytherins sake!”

Little Donny: “OK, OK, let me show you the three cups and a chestnut…”

Snape: “You tried that one yesterday and I gave you three chances!  Exactly what can you do?”

Little Donny: “Well, I can make really stupid people believe anything I say…”

Snape: “Oh really – and what is the incantation may I ask?”

Little Donny: “Fake News!”

 Yes, Little Donny wasn’t much of a wizard, and failing that, a pretty inept and lazy magician, but he was blessed with a really stupid and gullible audience.

 I knew we were in trouble early on in this nightmare administration when I first heard blond bimbo/magician’s assistant, Kellyanne Conway, use the phrase “alternative reality” - as in dual reality.  Now there’s a concept you don’t often hear mentioned outside of science fiction or quantum physics.

 But that’s all a little complex for the simpleminded, so like with so much about this merry band of fumblefucks, they had to dumb it down – hmmm, we need a catch phrase, something simple that even he can remember…GOT IT!  FAKE NEWS!

 Now most aspiring despots worth their salt, past and present, follow the first rule of creating an autocracy: control the media; the message to the rabble.  And when dealing with people a little smarter than the Trumpkins, you go with the direct approach: achieve military authority and neuter the free press by force, leaving only one unified, state run media outlet to carefully craft and control the propaganda machine (see N. Korea).

 Aww jeez, that sounds like a lot of work though - let’s just try this: whenever the king hears something he doesn’t like, something critical, or other than outright praise for his greatness, he simply says “FAKE NEWS!”

 “Hmm, I dunno… you think they’ll buy it?  Is anyone really that stupid?”

 “Come on!  Have you seen this crowd?  Hell yes they’ll buy it!”

 You can pick any of countless times over the last three and a half years that this has been proven true, so today let’s stick with the current topic on everyone’s mind – the Covid-19 virus.

 Last week I read a sadly horrifying and grim editorial by Timothy Egan in the NY Times (you know, that “failing” news outlet), which pretty much could be viewed as a report card on the U.S. response to the virus so far, and how our once great nation is now viewed by the rest of the modern world - I highly encourage you to read it.  Among the statistics sited:

 Within 1.3 million reported cases, the United States, just 5% of the world’s population, has 33% of the sick.  As we approach 100,000 deaths, we’re also at the front of the pack in that catagory.

 Globally, the average death is 34 people per million. In the United States, it’s more than six times higher – 232 per million.

 By the end of April, new cases in S. Korea were down to less than 10 a day.  In the United States at that time, the pandemic raged at a daily rate of more than 25,000 newly sick.

 And yet, here in the United States we spend more on health care, per capita, than any other modern, developed nation.

 Brief interlude here: even as I typed this recap, I thought, looking around today and reading the news - can we really still call ourselves the “United” States?

 But that’s another story – meanwhile, this cheap shyster with clown hair and more than a few parts loose in his dusty cranium continues to insist his government has done a “spectacular job” with the Covid-19 pandemic.  “And I’ll tell you, the whole world is excited watching us because we’re leading the world.”

 What – in doing a shitty job?

 So again I have to ask myself, as I have so many times during this sham of an administration: “How does he perform and maintain this level of mind control without some mass hypnosis, or serious pharmaceuticals in the drinking water?”  How could anyone continue to put their faith in this petulant, narcissistic moron who at any given moment can state that “I never did that”, or “I never said that”, when every one of these incidences of ignorance and buffoonery are filmed and recorded, broadcast for all to see daily?  You’re the fucking president, not the schoolyard gossip. Everything you say and do concerning this country is recorded!   No, this isn’t an episode of one of your reality shows, where we can creatively – and I mean creatively - make sense of it later in the editing suite.  

 Throughout most of January, Captain Assclown wasn’t even mentioning the virus, until finally, on the 22nd, when he proclaimed “We have it totally under control.  It’s one person coming in from China.  It’s going to be just fine.” By mid-February it became something that “will go away by April”, magically dissipating like old snow with the spring warmth.  On the 24th it was “Very much under control in the USA…”  He also tweeted, “Stock Market starting to look very good to me!”  While addressing a group of African American leaders at the White House on the 27th, he once again turned into a mystical Nostradamus, saying, “It’s going to disappear.  One day – it’s like a miracle - it will disappear.”  

 In Charleston, N.C. on the 28th, at his last Trumpapalooza RA-RA Rally (before the shit really hit the fan and lockdowns started) his rabid, red meat crowd was told the whole thing was simply the latest hoax, perpetrated by the Dems to finally bring him down.

 “Watch the tiny hands closely – nothing up my sleeve, aaaaand Abra Cadabra, GONE!”  

 Watch out though, remember who’s driving the car! Hang on!  In mid-March famous demolition derby driver Donny Crash, who insists on not wearing a helmet, comes out with this head-spinning, WTF gearshift moment: “I felt it was a pandemic long before it was called a pandemic.”

 Sigh - you can’t make this shit up.

 How about a current assessment, Crash?  Glad to! Just last week (May 8) Donny tells the press, “I feel about vaccines like I feel about tests.  This is going to go away without a vaccine.  It’s going to go away and we’re not going to see it again.” Wow…

 Is there anything this sack of soggy, mashed French fries with clown makeup could say that would make his followers pause and think, “Hmmm - I don’t know about that one…”?  If he said the Earth was flat, would they believe it?  

 Oh, never mind – we all know the answer to that.

 This goes way beyond loyalty to a person or a party; it’s much closer to zealous and blind religious fealty.  This high priest of pandemonium and bullshit once again has absolutely no plan or clue; he makes decisions about this country like he’s approaching an All-U-Can-Eat fast food buffet: “Let’s see, gimme a Whopper first, and one of those fried pies!  No, nope, I’ll take the bucket of chicken with the mashed potatoes!  Nooo, wait a minute!  Give me the jumbo McDonald’s fries, yeah, that’s it!  DOH, I changed my mind, I want the McNuggets first! Yeah, gimme the McNuggets!  OH, OH, what are those, over there behind the chicken!?”

His thoughts randomly bounce and pop around erratically in his head like farts in a bathtub.  His brain is a broken pinball machine with a dozen paddles and no hole.

 And I can think of no better example of his fans than a quote I recently read from washed-up actor who hasn’t been in a decent movie since 1972’s “Deliverance”, Jon Voight – who surprise, surprise was last November awarded the National Medal of Arts and National Humanities by the White House.  That’s right my feeble-minded minions – say something flattering about me and you might just get a shiny prize!  Or maybe even a job on my team!  For some reason there always seems to be an opening…

 So let’s crack that Trump loving skull, raise the hood, and take a peek at the gears, hoses, wiring, and pistons that drive your average everyday Trump acolyte:

 “We see President Trump as a magnificent soul, raising up this nation… He will go down as the historic president of this millennium. He will be etched in stone with a gold medal, a hero and a president of the United States who won the battle. The war of 2020.  He is Donald Trump.  God bless.”

 I rest my case.